#welcome to my dissertation

[lunareiitic]

Moments From Firefly + Silverwolf's 2.3 Conversation That Are Going To Make Me Explode

[grim-has-issues]

Audio RP timeline:

Fanfiction

Reader Insert Fanfiction

Character ASMR

Boyfriend ASMR

ASMR Roleplay

Audio Roleplay

[philzokman]

help im doing a literary analysis project for crime and punishment and i keep finding bsd stuff im actually gonna lose my minf

AUTISTIC RANPO MY BELOVED i offer u my absolute deepest condolences u deserve a noble prize for the hardships endured 😔🙏🙏

[punemy-spotted]

Hiya, its Athena for Thursday Ask-A-Thon over at @ask-a-thon: How have your experiences in life shaped your writing?

Oh Athena.

Athena.

This question means the world to me, I cannot tell you how much. As usual, I'm going to ramble, because this is absolutely a special interest of mine in writing and fandom and boy howdy do my experiences shape my writing.

As always, answers below the cut, and general content warning for gender-based violence, workplace sexual harassment, and trauma.

My experiences are my writing. Especially as someone who writes Reader-Insert, I'm a big advocate for writers to write their catharsis and their experiences.

While it is certainly appropriate (and polite, in certain circumstances) to write "neutral" Readers who have no defined physical attributes so that the person reading the fic can slot themselves into that blank space, I also constantly encourage writers — especially writers of color; disabled writers; queer, nonbinary, and trans writers; and writers who write for male readers — to write their story too. If we can imagine ourselves as Avengers or loved by them, we can also imagine ourselves immersed in cultures we did not grow up in — it only increases our empathy and understanding of the world outside our "bubble" if we do. For my experience, as a Desi writer, I don't know how to be anything but a Desi writer. My culture is embedded into my bones, there are so many things I do as a Desi-American that non-Desi folk don't do (and vice versa) that sometimes I'm shocked when I talk to folks who have grown up outside of the little Desi Bubble I grew up in (and shocked when I talk to folks who were even more immersed in Desi culture, because the Midwestern United States is not exactly a haven for Dawoodi Bohra Muslims, and that leads to a weird relationship with one's own culture). I am open about the fact that my Readers are generally coded as Desi and always invite non-Desi folk to read the stories to get a glimpse into that life. The body is a shell, and though it may change from writer to writer, the reader is still themselves and their soul can travel dimensions.

As for concrete examples of that, boy howdy, let's take a look at my whole Masterlist, shall we? The Cut is about my experience as an FGM survivor and how FGM completely altered the way I engage with my body as a being able to feel pleasure — and therefore, what it means to be loved, to forgive, and be forgiven. In that same vein, For Blue Skies is a story about facing Ikaris — an Eternal, a being who masqueraded as an ancient god for so many years — and knowing that he could have prevented something like the tradition of FGM but did not, for whatever reason. One of my most popular fic series, The Price you Pay, features a Reader character who, like me, was taken advantage of by a powerful man when she was in a vulnerable position compared to him, upending her career — she and I made very different decisions, but the root of our pain is the same. One of the first ever fics I published on Tumblr, Everything You Stand For, was an exploration of catharsis, of how the repeated denial of justice could lead someone like me to side with someone like Helmut Zemo, because when doing things the right way fails... how far are you willing to go to quell the fire in your chest?

In a way, every fic I have ever written has carried a piece of me. My culture, my language, my pain and pleasures. When I share, I share not just the thing I am passionate about in the form of the story, but the emotional context that drove me to think it up and create the world. So... how have my experiences shaped my writing? They've defined it.

[lgbtlunaverse]

It's very funny to write nieyao with both their povs cause i'm looking at the scenes from meng yao's pov and they're all 4 times as long??? The povs are meant to be split equally but like 70% of the whole thing ends up being his inner monologue. This man thinks So Much.

[basuralindo]

I've been requested to share my OctaViper sexuality analyses? headcanons? awful theories? for You'll Have Me Rise, so here it goes...

I've uh, put a lot of thought into this over time. So it's gonna be kinda long. Also obviously nsfw so I'm putting everything under the cut. Hope you enjoy my brainrot?

(warning for reference to the sexual trauma that's alluded to in the fic. and potential spoilers about how they think?)

So, this was originally a question about topping/bottoming, but there's gonna be bondage elements so I'm gonna go into dom/sub dynamics too.

Anyway first off, I think all of their preferences would vary at least a bit depending on who they're sleeping with specifically (and in what combination. Also I think trauma and comfort would definitely play a part in it because, like, that tends to be a thing with kink, so I'm just gonna kinda deep dive into all that character by character. (also sorry if this is incoherent, I don't have an excuse it's just very stream of consciousness and I'm not willing to fix or edit it)

Jamil: So, I think he would be kind of a switch because of conflicting emotional outlets? In day to day life, in nonsexual contexts, Jamil's always been forced to be in complete control at all times for other people's benefit. It's work for him, he's never had a say in the matter, it's unpleasant. And sexually, most of his experiences so far have been acts of service or causal sex with people who he fully expects to use him. His enjoyment doesn't get prioritized, and because of all his other life experiences, he's never expected it to. Basically, sex (and his body in general) has always been a tool primarily, and personal benefit is something he tries to squeeze in on the side if he gets the opportunity. So, once he's with people who actually give a shit (the octatrio), I think he'd be down to try anything that feels good and end up liking everything that's opposite of his experiences so far. With bondage, I think he'd really be drawn to subbing because it takes the control out of his hands and puts him in a position where he can't focus on servicing others even if he wanted to, so he has no options but to just relax into it and enjoy himself while someone else puts effort into making him feel good for a change. It's something that would make him feel valued and desirable and cared for. Outside of that, I think he would still bottom more often than not, but would also get more dominating at times because he'd get off on the power trip. He still has a vindictive streak after all, and has never gotten to have full control over a sexual experience on his terms before, so there would be incidences of him spontaneously initiating sex in a more aggressive way, or suddenly getting dominating halfway through. Of course, this would vary depending on the partner. Fact is, despite having a lot of sexual experience, Jamil hasn't actually experienced a lot of different kinds of sex, so there's still a lot of new things in store for him.

With Azul he would mostly sub, both because of Azul's own preferences and because Azul aggressively doting on Jamil is a large part of what won him over in the first place. ...Also... eight long prehensile limbs that happen to be really convenient for suspending and immobilizing a guy... But anyway, as they became more close and comfortable with each other I think Jamil would top now and then out of a genuine desire to cater to Azul and see him actually relax.

With Floyd, I think both of them would be a lot more aggressive and spontaneous, because spontaneous is how Floyd works, and he has a way of getting Jamil to match that tempo. It would center a lot on catharsis. He'd let Floyd get rough with him because he gets a thrill from the sense of danger and being in over his head. I also firmly believe that Jamil would be the most dominating towards Floyd, specifically because Floyd is so much larger and stronger and threatening, and therefore would provide the biggest power trip to dominate. Also, because Floyd would be really really into it. I think Floyd would have a thing for letting Jamil take out frustrations on him in bed, and Jamil would be happy to oblige because a part of him really wants that. It'd work out because they both know that Jamil can't do any serious damage to Floyd with his bear hands, and Floyd enjoys the minor damage, so he can really just let loose. They'd probably have a lot of soft intimate sex too, though, because I believe Floyd is (comparatively) the sweetest and most sincere out of the four of them, and is canonly observant enough to be really attentive when he's not too manic. Floyd would absolutely cuddle after, that's non negotiable, by which I mean he'd squish Jamil like a plushie and there is not a whole lot Jamil could do about it once he's in the death grip.

Jade.... Jamil would absolutely bottom Jade. Jade likes to see what makes Jamil tick and watch him squirm, and Jamil is actually still a little bit scared of Jade, which has started to become a turn on. Jamil is down to try anything just to see what it's like, and Jade likes to experiment on him and see how far he can go, so things can get weird. Also, these two are developing a friendship long before it turns into romantic feelings, so sex is more like a game between them. It's about fun and mischief moreso than romantic intimacy. When they're alone together, they have the kind of sex that would make Floyd and Azul worry. They have a mutual understanding that Floyd and Azul don't necessarily need to know about it.

With both the tweels at once, he'd probably end up either bottoming both, or switching between the two.

Azul: Azul has control issues, and cares more than he's willing to admit, he'd dom most of the time. I think he'd like soft cozy intimacy at times, but has difficulty letting his guard down enough for that to happen. He'd bottom sometimes, when he's feeling vulnerable and trusting, but probably wouldn't fully relinquish control. In general, he loves getting people to unravel in his hands, and gets a power trip over how much he can make them lose their minds. He's typically very meticulous about the scenarios, and focuses a lot on pleasing his partners. It gives him a sense of control over his surroundings and social environment, and the captive audience means he can't possibly be ignored or overlooked, especially when he can push their buttons until they can't deny that he's good at what he does.

With the tweels, they make a game of ganging up and seeing how far they can get before he restrains them. Their end goal is getting him to crack because it's fun, his end goal is showing them a good time because he's really just overwhelmed with affection whenever he's with them. I imagine their version of cuddling after is him wrapping them both up in tentacles and sandwiching himself between them like giant teddybears (or, y'know, the same way octopuses will hold objects over themselves to hide). The only reason they don't fall asleep together every night is because they all end up awake at odd, variable hours that don't always match up (and in Floyd's case, it varies wildy between manic and depressive episodes).

With just Jade, it's a whole production. I think these two would end up roleplaying a lot, and get really goofy around each other behind closed doors (Floyd absolutely ends up walking in on weird shit and laughing at them over it, usually gets dragged into it as revenge). He'd definitely dom, and also probably power bottom. Their version of cuddling after would be just hanging out in bed talking about plans and business shit.

Azul and Floyd bicker so much they end up having makeup sex pretty often. The rest of the time it's a battle of wills and depends a lot on Floyd's moods. Either Azul creeps on him while he's mellow and takes control of the situation, or Floyd gets rowdy and coaxes Azul into letting him top. Granted, when Floyd is rowdy and wants to top, it's extra satisfying to subdue and dominate him.

With Jamil he'd be very dominating, because he finally has Jamil's undivided attention and wants to prove he's worth his time. Azul may not know the full extent of it, but he can tell Jamil has never really been prioritized, and intends to take advantage of that as an opportunity to be the best he's ever had. It is on some level still an attempt at convincing Jamil to care about his existence, since he can't really believe anyone besides the twins would actually like him as a person. He's also, at this point, pretty fixated on the challenge of making Jamil completely lose his cool. Letting Jamil top is something he'd never really expect to happen until it did.

Jade: I actually have an idea of a traumatic backstory for Jade that I'm not gonna go into here, but the end result is that 1) He has a lot of trouble connecting and caring about other people, and no real interest in trying. And 2) He's actually a lot more emotionally dependant on Floyd and Azul than he lets on. I think he'd actually be way less likely to sleep around than the other two, but knows he can be sexually intimidating because his twin is, so he uses it to screw with people. He flirts to push people's buttons and see how they'll react, but usually follows that with just up and leaving before it actually gets anywhere. Just like with other social interactions, he observes how Azul and Floyd behave and how people react to them, then pieces it together in different ways and tests it out himself and observes what works. If it gets a reaction he likes, he adds it to his arsenal, if not then he scraps it and tries something new next time. He's very much confident in bed, but it's because he's already made sure that everything surrounding the encounter is safe and comfortable for him. With that in mind, his sexual preferences would depend almost entirely on who he's with.

Jade and Floyd like to gang up on their partners (all the better to escalate things), and know each other well enough to work as a unit. Jade usually defaults to kinda supporting whatever Floyd decides to do (like distracting them so Floyd can catch them off guard, or holding them down while Floyd tops), but will sometimes use that trust to allow a partner to get Floyd off guard for his own entertainment (and because he knows Floyd likes being surprised). He also kinda uses Floyd's behavior as a template to figure out how to behave in a situation, because they're unwholesomly codependent. With Azul they like to surprise and fluster him, and will top if they can get away with it, but the game is usually to get him to snap and strangle them a little. Jamil just, doesn't really stand a chance, he ends up subbing both if them unless Jade decides to help him gang up on Floyd. I'm leaving it up to reader's personal interpretations whether or not these two hook up with each other alone. I'm not gonna write any sex scenes between them and it wouldn't necessarily impact the plot either way, so picture whatever makes you happy/comfortable.

With just Azul he mostly subs, and tops when Azul wants it. He's most comfortable with Azul and likes to let him call the shots. He's more assertive with foreplay, but like Jamil, subbing is way for him to feel wanted and cared for. Idk how to explain the reasoning but I think he'd have a bit of a praise kink, and likes getting choked.

He knows Jamil is a safe option because they're involved with the same people, and Azul and Floyd wouldn't bring someone he couldn't trust this deep into the relationship, but that doesn't mean he's comfortable enough to bottom or sub. He also knows that Jamil with let Jade do whatever he wants to him, so long as it's not unpleasant, so he takes full advantage of that. He likes to see how far he can push Jamil, where he'll draw a line, shit like that. He's not used to sleeping with humans, and knows they're more fragile than him, but isn't sure exactly how fragile. So, naturally, he likes to gradually increase intensity until Jamil admits he can't take any more. Since he typically ends up subbing Azul, and tends to follow his example socially, the inevitable conclusion is that he'd try out the things Azul does to him on Jamil. He doesn't really admit it out loud, but he's growing fond of Jamil and actually tries to look out for his wellbeing.

Floyd: Floyd is a creature of passion, everyone he loves are creatures of calculated malintent. He's definitely not sweet and innocent, he's just more sweet and a little less evil than his partners, so naturally they choose to fuck with him a little more. As I've already kind of alluded to, Floyd is mostly a top and subs often. I don't think he'd initiate bondage on his own (too meticulous, not his style), but he ends up on the receiving end of it pretty often. Canon has implied that he gets a kick out of people that don't seem threatening kicking his ass, and just likes when someone can challenge him in general, and I'm running with that. I think he'd be into getting rough treatment from people smaller than him, and likes when they find ways to get the better of him. He'd also enjoy getting to be rough with someone who can take it, and who's able to stop him if they need to. He's pretty impulsive, and when manic would have trouble thinking things through completely, so he prefers for his partners to be able to reign him in on their own. He doesn't want to seriously hurt anyone he cares about, and the possibility would stress him out when he has clarity. I think he has a strong romantic streak, but often fails to communicate his thoughts or read the room, so his approaches get misinterpreted often. The other thing is that he'd change style depending on what his brain's up to (fun fact, bipolar be like that). While manic, he'd be kinda hypersexual and lose any reservations. Like he'd be more aggressive about initiating shit, would let people do whatever they want to him, and would try to do whatever he could get away with to them. Those are the points when people end up messing with and dominating him more, partially cause it's the only way to get him under control that he'll tolerate. While stable, he'd be more careful and attentive, and able to communicate and implement romantic intentions better. That's when more of the slow paced romantic sex would happen (as well as less extreme versions of his kinks), and he'd typically top and be more dominating. Depression episodes would lead to reclusing and avoiding everyone, and typically result in comforting makeouts that may or may not turn into very soft sex eventually.

Jade tends to stake out opportunities to team up on people, and Floyd initiates them. He likes working together because things tend to get chaotic and their partner is way more likely to lose all composure. Floyd allows himself to let loose more because he knows Jade will be able to reel him in.

He definitely bothers Azul while he's working, and thinks it's really cute when he gets all flustered and crabby about it. He bothers Azul extra when Floyd's the one who's supposed to be working, in the hopes that sex might distract Azul into not noticing he skipped out. When manic it's all fuck around (act aggressive and pushy) and find out (get restrained). When stable he's more calculated about initiating things, but is also more approachable, so Azul often gets to him first. Whether he's subbing or not, he usually tops because he's good at it, but also does intentionally aggravate Azul into fucking him sometimes

Jamil is new and interesting and pretty and challenging and mysterious and Floyd wants all his attention all the time. He gets jealous in a bratty way when Jamil is focused on other people for any reason, and is always looking for opportunities to get him alone. He winds up being naggy and inappropriate in public, and easily gets "overenthusiastic" during sex, but enjoys the scoldings, so nothing really discourages him unless there's a genuine risk of hurting Jamil. He often feels the overwhelming need to get his hands on Jamil and will try to drag him into any empty room or deserted part of campus that's closest. He's not as obvious or menacing about it as Azul and Jade, but he keeps pretty accurate track of Jamil's schedule and routes, and will hang around places that he knows Jamil will be passing through just to steal a few extra minutes with him. Whether it's sex or just flirting, he likes when Jamil gets mean, and REALLY likes when he gets violent. He wants to see Jamil show more passion and honesty, and whether that means strangling Floyd or crying in his arms, he's happy to accommodate it. When he's manic, he tends to go too far in riling Jamil up and enjoys when things escalate. He also is less careful and more at risk of doing damage, so Jamil has to be more forceful about stopping him. When he's stable, he's able to be more empathetic and can help Jamil wind down and work through things after an outburst.

No matter who he's with, he likes to cuddle after. With Azul that means either nagging him to stay in bed or following him around and hanging off his shoulders while he works. Jamil is usually exhausted and passes out after sex, so Floyd just scoops him up and holds him until he wakes up and fusses enough to be released. When Jade's involved, they usually stay up chatting while their partner sleeps between them.

[the-everqueen]

okay does anyone else feel self-conscious about being an underwriter, or is it just me?

[twosides--samecoin]

Yo @stoat-party hear me out on this one! I had some thoughts & wanted to expand on your "objectively evil" take. If you're reading the dialogue page/wiki page for his reactions, I can see where they come off "evil" at face value, but I feel I can further interpret where some of those actions/words may come from.

The first problem with a few of the situations listed (Danse, Desdemona), is the Sole Survivor (his employer) has to put him in those situations, ones he would not otherwise find himself in. RJ MacCready's perspective is that he has to keep his employment and do what he has to do to survive above all else. Going along with what the SoSu is doing - to an extent, we'll get there - is his meal ticket.

Contrast, say, the Brotherhood's explicit mandate for ethnic cleansing as explained by Maxson. There's a difference between what's explicit in the text, and the text that only happens when the player is doing the choose-your-own-adventure aspects of playing an RPG. There are save games/timelines where MacCready can be cruel. There's also save games/timelines where he's not shown being cruel at all. By contrast, Maxson/the Brotherhood's MO is cruel each time.

Thought experiment: Do I catch a theft charge for having the potential to steal a loaf of bread? Or am I charged when I actually do steal the loaf of bread? Is MacCready "objectively evil" for having the potential to be cruel to Desdemona, or is he given the chance to be cruel when the player character involves him in evil actions? If the player character doesn't put him in situations where he shows those sides of him, did the evil at hand happen?

Are some of these things "evil" or are they examples of survival and moral gray that is understandable given the shifted moral compass of the Fallout IP? I think it bears mentioning Hannah Arendt's idea of the banality of evil. You can put someone in a situation that asks of them to be cruel or commit crimes in order for them to survive, or for fear of retribution if they don't go along with it. A real world example is gang initiations in which you might be forced to commit a crime or are otherwise implicated, lest you face punishment. If you're put in a situation where you have to be cruel so that you can see the next day, there's a good chance you're going to be cruel to get through it.

MacCready is capable of being cunning in order to survive, but objective evil? I'm inclined to think otherwise.

As for Austin? Maybe it's hope that the cure could be Duncan's. Maybe it's developer oversight that instead of the empathy that should come with the general MacCready guaranteed "Like" of helping kids, he dislikes giving/splitting the cure instead approves of keeping it. I've spoken with other people who write MacCready fic and many of us find it a weird moment that doesn't make sense, beyond the typical "Beth Esda got it wrong". For me that's always felt like an inconsistency, and isn't well explained given his normal behaviour that comes with favouring when the SoSu helps parents/kids. The only plausible explanation I've read is "well, he's a merc, he dislikes selfless acts, he's going to put himself first", but I don't really buy it as empathy should kick in, given his own child dying of fatal disease.

Look at the war-torn world MacCready came from. Look at the demands of mercenary work, that he engaged in because he knew it would be a path to survival (Yes, he's okay killing innocents for profit. That's mercenary work). Look at the Gunners (who for lack of a better explanation, are Raiders Whom Do Wear Green), who MacCready only joined for money, and then left when he disagreed with their cruelty. And if the SoSu kills innocents for no reason? He knows there's a difference. I wonder if he refuses some contracts based on the people targeted by the hit, because if he was objectively evil and blood hungry, I don't think you'd get the following -

This is someone who learned you have to shift with the situation to get by, and sticking out like a sore thumb doesn't help you. That's cunning, sure, but it's ultimately survival. You don't make it to adulthood in the Wasteland without finding ways to survive - it's not "objectively evil", it's morally gray at best.

MacCready winds up at Little Lamplight, probably a baby, but at most young enough not to remember his parents. Maybe he grows up with a secret belief that they loved him, because they left him with three names whereas a lot of his peers didn’t get any. But they were grown-ups, so who needs them anyway.

He grows up eating fungus that thrives on human flesh. He starts drinking at six. He learns to shoot at ten — starting with monsters who used to be human, but undoubtedly graduating to humans long before he should have. Also at ten, he wins a fight against another child and takes power as mayor. Part of the job is to exile kids when they turn sixteen. Maybe some of them are the kids who helped raise him. He knows Bigtown isn’t as safe as it’s made it out to be, how could he not? A lot of those teenagers are headed out there just to die. MacCready knows he won’t be one of them, because he’s tougher.

When we meet him at twelve, he’s ruthless. He admits that the out-at-sixteen rule is based on lies, and that it’s really to keep the population low enough to survive. He’s a social Darwinist who protects the kids as a population, but can’t afford the luxury of caring about them as individuals. He’s learned death is cheap, you can’t afford to help strangers, and if you don’t take what you want, someone else will.

“Around” sixteen he graduated (which makes me think he left before they could kick him out), and we know the rest of the story. The person we meet in Boston has internalized these lessons. He’s friendly and has a conscience, but the only people he cares about enough to prioritize are Duncan, a maxed-affinity Sole Survivor, and probably a few others like Daisy. And boy, does he care about that tiny group of individuals. But everyone else? Make it worth his while or go kick rocks.

Having a crazy childhood doesn’t fully explain his choices - encouraging the Survivor to kill Danse, cruelly flirting with Desdemona as the Survivor betrays and murders her, outright stating he’s willing to kill innocents if there’s a way to profit from it, and disliking giving the cure to Austin even though his son is in the exact same situation. He’s just objectively evil sometimes. But I think his history goes a long way toward explaining his motivations and making him likable, if not exactly justifiable.

[youstupidplonk]

Adulthood is literally just waiting for replies to emails isn’t it? 

[crispyblonde]

A casual near 2200 words lmfao. it's like a ten page double spaced paper 💀

[bodhrancomedy]

@failbettergames

Fallen London is a free text adventure game that you can play in any browser at www.fallenlondon.com. It contains no ads and requires no installs. It's also funny, atmospheric, horrific, deep, dark and marvellous (and marvellously queer). Use the code visitlondon and get some fantastic treats to get you started.

Welcome, delicious friend.

I love this game. It kept me going through my dissertation and I had so much fun making this. Please show these guys some love.

[shewroteaworld]

I'll Hold Your Weight When You Can't

Premise: Brilliant sunshine!reader gets heat stroke on a case. Your best friend, Spencer Reid, is predictably worried about you. What he doesn't expect is to be forced to come to terms with his feelings for you.

Word count: approx. 3,200

TW: Brief mention of vomit and, perhaps, hospitals

(Y/N/N): Your nickname

Author's Note: Super excited to introduce brilliant sunshine!reader (aka, super smart sunshine!reader) onto my fanfic writing scene! Definitely willing to write more of her in the future if anyone is interested. Hope you enjoy!

“Does anybody have more water?”

“Where is the damn ambulance?”

Perhaps your job classically conditioned you to respond to Hotch’s “I’m seriously not fucking around” tone because your eyes crack open. 

Someone put weights on your eyelids and cranked the sun to extra-bright. The harsh rays burned your retinas and washed everything in a white blur. Did someone set off a flash bang?

“(Y/N)? Can you hear me?” Miraculously, out of the screeching white, you made out JJ’s halo of blonde hair. 

“JJ?” You groaned. Even though you could barely see, it felt like the whole world was spinning, 

“Hotch, she’s coming around!” You recognized Morgan’s voice. “Welcome back to the world of the living, honey. We’re happy to see you.”

Your heart rate spiked. You never died. Did you die? 

“Yes, we still need a medic!” Hotch barked. 

You winced. “Wha?” Suddenly, your mouth couldn’t handle a one-syllable world. Even more alarming, your brain, the same brain that kept up with Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reid,  couldn’t understand what the hell was going on.

 “What I do?” You whined. 

“He’s not yelling at you, honey,” JJ said like a kindergarten teacher. “You’re just a little out of it right now.”

“Is she conscious?” Another voice entered. Your head spun. “I brought more water.” 

You moaned to suppress a gag. Your eyelids drooped, and you relished in the break from the light.

“Hey, smarty pants, stay with us.” Morgan pat your cheek. “Let Emily get some water in you.” You couldn’t force your eyes open more if you tried.

Your friend Emily. That’s who the voice belonged to. 

Suddenly, JJ pulled your hair from your face, Morgan lifted your head, and Emily forced a water bottle to your lips simultaneously.  The blinding glare seared your eyes and your head spun. You wanted to sob and maybe vomit.

Your chest hitched with a shallow inhale. “Stop.” You whined.

“(Y/N), it’s okay. Take a deep breath.” JJ said.

“No!” You exclaimed.

“Honey–” Morgan tried. 

You thrashed against his hold, but your exhausted muscles couldn’t throw Morgan’s gentlest grip. 

“Maybe we should let her go.” Emily said.

“She needs water.” JJ countered.

“She’s disoriented.” Hotch cut in. “Let her get her bearings first, but don’t let her close her eyes.”

Gingerly, Morgan lay your body back on the grass. Your head swam, and your vision rippled as if you could see the heat waves in the California air. You tried to take a deep breath but choked.  

You sputtered. Every inhale led to a series of dry coughs. In your delirium, you thought of Spencer. Your Spencer. Where the hell was he? Did he not love you anymore?

Suddenly, Hotch loomed over you. His tall frame blocked out the brutality of the sun’s glare, which eased your headache and nausea but not your cough. His eyebrows were so deeply furrowed they formed a trench of wrinkles across his forehead. “Check her airway.” 

Suddenly, you stared into JJ’s blue eyes. Other hands tried to manipulate your body. You jerked.

“(Y/N), relax.”

“Honey, please–”

“Turn her on her side!” Morgan’s cut off by Reid, his voice sharper than you’d ever heard. 

***

Spencer Reid has survived many traumatic situations. 

He's cared for his schizophrenic mother. He’s been kidnapped. He recovered from a drug addiction. And those are just a few items from his dissertation-length “PTSD-Causing Experiences” list. 

But many of his worst traumas were a by-product of being a profiler– a job which allowed him to utilize his intellect to help others. He was willing to accrue trauma like Pokemon cards in exchange for applying his genetic gifts to create a safer world. 

Reid could have framed your heat exhaustion as another scare in the line of duty. But when Reid saw you, his brilliant girl, on the ground, his heart fell through his feet.

Then, he saw how his the team responded to your medical emergency.

When he witnessed you coughing and writhing on your back as the team leered over with water, he thought he might explode.

You could be asphyxiating, and the team could be letting you choke while forcing more fluid down your throat. 

He shivered as he sprinted down the steps of the local precinct and onto the grassy field where you lay. 

“Turn her on her side!” He yelled as diagnoses and courses of action fled through his mind on hyperspeed.

“We’re trying, she—”

“Spence?” You choked out through a coughing fit. He’s surprised his ears caught it.

Reid knelt next to you. “Let’s get you into recovery position.” He said, his voice suddenly soft as clouds. Reid gingerly pushed you onto your left side. “Off your back, there we go.” He bent your right leg and slid it in front of your body to prevent you from rolling onto your stomach if you lost consciousness. 

“Did she faint?” Reid asked the team. He couldn’t take his eyes from your face. 

“We think so. She was dizzy, so she laid on the ground. Then she was unresponsive for at least 40 seconds,” Emily said. 

Spencer pressed the back of his hand to your forehead. Predictably, you were feverishly hot. “She’s burning up. Has someone called an ambulance?”

“Allegedly.” Hotch said, an edge to his voice. 

“We have, sir. They’re on their way.” A local police officer responded, exasperated.

Spencer’s eye twitched. “How long has she been down?” You whined, and he stroked your cheekbone with his thumb.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He whispered. 

“In total, 15 minutes.” Hotch supplied. “Emily, pour some more water on her.”

“This was for her to drink.”

“Use one bottle to pour on her face and neck.” Spencer said. “I ran and got Gatorade. She should start with sips of that when she can swallow. Heat stroke can also be caused by salt depletion.” 

Spencer was conversing with a local officer over the safety protocols in the area when a pair of policemen walked into the precinct, gossiping about the FBI agent who “folded fast in the southern Cali heat.”

Spencer’s jaw had clenched. Maybe one of his team members was ill since they put in most of the grunt work to catch the unsub. He would’ve been more annoyed if not for the worry gnawing at his brain. What if they were talking about (Y/N)? She looked a little shaky right after her chase with the unsub, but Spencer didn’t get a chance to ask his friend if she was alright. And, stupidly enough, he forgot to text her to check if she drank any water post-case. Quickly, Reid excused himself, grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge, and rushed to the field where your limp body trembled on the grass. 

“I’m going to pour some water on you, honey," Emily said. You flinched as the frigid water hit your hairline. 

“Breathe, relax.” Spencer said, shielding your nose. The last thing you needed was some accidental waterboarding.

Seconds after the water drenched your forehead, your whole body relaxed into the grass. “That felt good.” You smiled weakly. 

Spencer stroked your arm. “Let’s sit you up in a minute, okay? You should try some Gatorade before the EMTs get here.”

“EMTs? I’m fine.” You whined.

Spencer didn’t think it was possible for his eyebrows to crease further. 

“You’re not fine.” Gentler, he said, “and it’s okay not to be fine, sunlight.”

“But, I’m alive.” You tried to roll onto your stomach, but your bent leg kept you safe on your back.

Some on the team members chuckled, but Spencer didn’t find your delirium humorous. “I know you’re alive, sweetie. But you’re way too hot. I think you’re a little confused right now.”

“I’m just…” You winced. “I’m alive.”

The knot in Spencer’s chest tightened ten-fold. This could be heat stroke. At the very least, you had heat exhaustion. You were dehydrated. You were delirious. 

Best case scenario: you were ill for a few days. Worst case scenario: You had vital organ damage.

Just as he’s about to call 911 himself, JJ interrupted him. “Look–ambulance lights. Help is on the way, honey.”

“You hear that, (Y/N)? You’re gonna be fine.” Morgan said. If only Spencer felt that confident. 

“Spence…” You blocked your eyes from the light with your limp right hand. “I’m scared. I don’t feel well.” 

“Oh, (Y/N), I know.” He cupped your shoulder and hoped you could feel his love for you through his palm. That sent a jolt down his spine. He wasn’t supposed to comfortably think those thoughts about you.

You were sick. This wasn’t the time. He leaned over your body. He gave you plenty of breathing room, but his torso was  parallel to your hip so his eyes could meet your watering ones. “Hey, take a breath for me, Smartie.” 

Your nickname for him slipped from his tongue so easily it spooked him. Suddenly, he noticed his thumb stroking over your cotton t-shirt. He should stop. The whole team was watching. He was being was too intimate; he'd face stupid quips from Morgan for days. He kept stroking anyway.

He observed your chest rise and fall. Your breaths were shaky but deeper. He relaxed a tad. Vital oxygen was reaching your bloodstream.

“(Y/N), can we try something?” Spencer asked.

“Yes. Maybe. What is it?”

The knot in his chest loosened. You responded immediately and with more than two words; you were becoming more lucid. 

“Can you sit up and have some sips of Gatorade? I got your favorite flavor. At least, if your favorite flavor hasn’t changed from three years ago.” It most likely hadn’t. Once your opinion settled, it was frustratingly hard to erode your verdict. 

“I can’t…I don’t know.”

“I know sitting up is hard. I’ll help you. And I’ll prop you against my chest. I’ll hold your weight when you can’t.”

“KK, Spence.” Your childlike tone tugged at his heart strings.

Spencer and Morgan lifted your limp body from the ground. They manhandled you into a sitting position with your head propped on Spencer’s shoulder and your body tucked between his thighs. 

One of his arms stabilized you while the other raised a cold bottle of orange Gatorade to your lips.

After nine sips of Gatorade, you spoke again. 

“Orange.” You took another sip. "My favorite.”

He smiled into your hair. “When have I ever lied to you, (Y/N/N)?”

***

Spencer nearly created a crater in the linoleum floor of the ER waiting room with his bouncing heel by the time the doctor came back with an update. 

“She had a mild case of heat stroke. We currently have her on fluids, and she’ll need lots of rest for at least the next week.” Doctor Bahamani concluded. 

“No signs of metabolic dysfunction? Any respiratory distress?” Reid checked. 

Doctor Bahamani smiled knowingly. “She’s going to be just fine, Doctor Reid.”

“Can I see her?” Spencer asked. 

“Yes. Only two at a time, please.” 

Spencer didn’t care who volunteered with him. He moved without thinking. An outpouring of gratitude for his eidetic memory flooded him. Through the thickest brain fog, he could trust his recollection of the hospital to bring him to the correct hospital room.

The security staff practically had to drag him away from your bedside after the ambulance ride. They might have thrown him out of the ER if not for the flash of his FBI badge.

Something nagged at him as he sped past the nursing station. 

You were going to be fine. The ER doctor confirmed it. Yet his heart was still pounding and he could barely refrain from running. Even more odd, he wasn’t ashamed of his irrational behavior. 

So what if a doctor deemed you were okay? It was you. And he saw you groggier and more out of it than you'd ever been. And who knows how thorough the doctors were with their examination? It was completely reasonable to worry for one of his closest friends. 

He just couldn't believe you were alright until he checked you over with his own hands and his own eyes.

***

When you grinned at him from your cot, Spencer wasn’t sure whether to smile or cry.

Tears glazed your eyes. But, your gorgeous smile was back. 

“Spencer?” You asked, brow raised and head cocked. 

He’d been staring too long. He looked like an idiot, lamely standing in the doorway as if he were the one with heat stroke.

“Straighten your head. Your neck is probably tight.”

You smiled, but this time it was tight-lipped and painful-looking. “You’re too worried.”

He watched saline drip down your IV. “Of course I’m worried, (Y/N). You got heat stroke.” With a deep breath as a shot of courage, he sat in the chair by the head of your bed.

There was nothing odd about sitting with his best friend at the hospital. 

His chest twisted at “best friend” and his resolve collapsed. He couldn’t deny it anymore. 

He liked you. He really, really liked you. He actually might even–

“Luckily, I got out pretty unscathed.” You snapped Spencer out of his spiral. “A little dehydrated. Achy. Might feel sick for a few days.”

“Or weeks.” Spencer corrected.

“Trying to look on the bright side here, Doctor.” You smirked and Spencer swore his right ventricle tightened.

Then, your nose scrunched and Spencer's wiped clean of any concern about his cardiac health. 

“What hurts?”

“Just a little achy, Spencer. I’m alright.” 

He shot you a look. He knew all your excuses. He knew you went to self-harming lengths to not worry people. 

“You’re not alright.” He reached for the red nurse-call button. 

Your eyes widened in surprise. “Okay…my body aches, Spence. And the IV burns. But they’ve already told me that’s normal. No need to take nurses away from an emergency.”

The nurses at the station desk didn’t appear to be rushing around for anyone, but Spencer feared this wouldn’t behoove his case. 

“They can give you pain medication, if you want.”

You hesitated, and immediately Spencer pressed the button. When you smiled weakly instead of bickering, his worry grew tenfold but not without a rush of heat flooding his entire body. 

In Morgan's words, he’s down bad. 

“How are you doing, sunshine?” As if he’d been summoned, Morgan appeared in the doorway. 

Spencer stepped back from your cot. The part of him riled from Morgan’s “sunshine” moniker wants to shove his hand into yours. Spencer thought he hid his annoyance well, but something about Morgan's smirk told him otherwise.

“Um…”

Morgan’s smirk fell. “You feel that bad, huh?”

You chuckled sadly. “Do I look that shitty or am I an open book today?”

“You never look shitty,” Spencer said. A tsunami of blood rushed to his face.

“Anyway,” Morgan said, “Do you want anything, Beauty Queen? I can grab you some jello.” 

“Jello sounds nice.” You said, and something in your voice was so vulnerable and naive Spencer wanted to wrap you in his arms as tight as he could. Which was illogical. That would only hurt you further. 

He shook his head as if that would remove the thoughts from his mind. “I’m gonna see if I can check up on your labs at the nurse’s station. I’ll make sure they’re giving you the good drugs.” He smiled.

You laughed– a genuine laugh– and Spencer’s heart soared. “Thanks, Spence.”

“I’ll go grab your jello,” Morgan said.

“Hold on, you should stay with her just in case she needs anything," Spencer said.

“I’ll be fine, Spence.” You said, but Spencer was not prepared to take "no" for an answer.

“If you boys wants to run her some errands, I’ll stay.” Emily stood in the doorway. “JJ is coming soon too– she just got a phone call from a very frantic Penelope.”

Your nose crinkled. “Oh no.” You groaned, but you were smiling. 

“Oh, yes. Be prepared for some mother henning," Emily said.

“Garcia can’t be any more mother henning than Reid," Morgan said. 

Before his face could turn redder than a baboon’s bottom, Spencer fled.

He’s only two yards from the nursing station when Morgan intercepted him at the end of the hall. 

“So, you’re going to make your move, right?”

Spencer's body temperature plummeted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He tried to shoulder past Morgan, but he was no match for his grip strength. “Reid, c’mon. You like (Y/N).”

Part of him wanted to laugh. “Like” seemed too simple of a word to describe the symphony of feelings (Y/N) started in him. “It’s…” He’s too tongue-tied to lie. “It’s complicated.”

You’re brilliant. You’re beautiful. You’re brimming with empathy. You’re everything Spencer could want. And it scared the shit out of him. Because that meant there’s even more to lose. And if he lost you, there would be no one to blame but himself. It was better for his psyche to not go there with you– to step back from the line rather than risk what would happen if he failed to make it work in the end. 

And what if you got hurt? What is you fell in the line of duty? Or worse, what if someone targeted you because of your romantic tie to him? Spencer's already experienced the pain of losing a soulmate-- a concept he wasn't even sure he believed in-- once. He wasn't not sure if he could survive it a second time.

There was too much unpredictability in his life. He chose a dangerous profession. He was gifted a ticking time-bomb of dangerous genes. He’d never forgive himself if he inflicted onto you the pain he’s been through; losing loved ones, whether through death or mental illness. 

Morgan's expression turned sympathetic. “Reid, you should give it a shot. Our lives our hectic. And if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

Spencer blinked to block tears from welling. “I just want her to be happy, too.”

“And who says you don't make her happy?”

“His idiotic genius brain.” Rossi appeared from around the corner.

Spencer froze. “You heard?” His face flushed yet again.

“Just the tail end. But Reid…” He trailed off.

Morgan took the hint. “I’m going to get (Y/N) some jello. With my charm, I could negotiate for some whipped cream.” 

“Don’t get whipped cream on it. She’s lactose sensitive,” Spencer said.

Morgan's stupid smirk reappeared. “Gotcha, Reid.”

Rossi took Morgan's place. Once Morgan was out of sight, he began his speech. “You love her. Don’t get in your own way.” Rossi put his hand on Reid’s shoulder. “And (Y/N) is an incredibly intelligent woman. Don’t insult her intelligence by thinking she can’t decide who is or is not worth taking a risk. And for what it’s worth…a man like you is worth the risk.” 

Rossi left Reid staring at his back. 

For the longest time, Reid convinced himself he refrained from asking you out to protect you from himself and his hefty baggage. And that’s not completely untrue. 

But suddenly, he realized he was primarily trying to protect himself from exposing his vulnerabilities to you this whole time. There’s never been a person whose opinion affected him like yours. There's never been a life he's wanted to protect more except perhaps...Maeve.

But just like it’s up to you to decide who’s worth the risk, it’s up to him to decide as well.

And if today taught him anything, shit happens. And if you slip through his fingers, he doesn't want it to because he wasn't brave enough to make a first move.

And being your person was more than worth the risk of rejection.

Author's Note: Thank you to so much to everyone who stuck around through my hiatus! I appreciate every single one of you! You're super cool :)

Happy to be back! Inbox is open to chat about writing and take requests! Please check pinned "Blurb Requests" post before requesting! (Will update the post as my boundaries update!)

Have an awesome day or night, wherever you are in this crazy world. I am incredibly thankful you spent part of your precious life reading something I penned.

Forever grateful,

shewroteaworld

[ham1lton]

PRETTY GIRL ROCK!

pairings: oscar piastri x reader, max verstappen x reader, charles leclerc x reader, lewis hamilton x reader, lando norris x reader, carlos sainz jr x reader.

summary: how they react to your instagram selfies.

faceclaims in order of appearance: rayan.elz // sana from twice // phaithmontoya // mina el hammani // simone ashley // iamangejose.

author’s note: if u liked this work, check out my masterlist or leave me a tip! <3

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by bestie1, oscarpiastri and 12,828 others.

yourusername: sun, sea and sand ☀️

view all comments

user1: yn ur so pretty!!!

-> user2: ur hair colour is to die for!!

oscarpiastri: gorgeous 😻

-> yourusername: blushing and giggling and kicking my feet.

oscarpiastri: u look so pretty.

oscarpiasti: can’t stop staring at you.

bestie1: the cutest ginger ever 💗 my lil ron weasley

-> yourusername: stfuuu 😭

user3: where did u go??

-> yourusername: on a beach break with some friends! <3

user4: yn marry me 😍

-> oscarpiastri: ew 🤢

-> oscarpiastri: no 🤢

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by bestie2, maxverstappen1 and 27,128 others.

yourusername: photo dump! but mainly selfies. is it really a yn post if i don’t mostly add selfies?

view all comments

user1: beauty and brains!!!

user2: where is the second pic from?

-> yourusername: i was invited to speak at the united nations about my dissertation. it was focusing on the link between poverty and environmentalism. 💕

-> user3: omg??? how did max bag YOU????

-> user4: yn being invited to the un and max can barely finish a book LMFAO

-> maxverstappen1: whoever envies another confesses his superiority 🙏🏻

bestie2: MY BESTIE IS SO HOT 😻

-> yourusername: MY BESTIE IS HOTTER 😾

maxverstappen1: you’re so hot.

-> yourusername: don’t flirt with me under my own post. what if my bf sees?

-> maxverstappen1: i’ll kill him.

-> yourusername: plausible deniability babe.

-> maxverstappen1: i’ll kill him? 🤷🏼‍♂️ // joke

-> yourusername: better 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼

-> user5: y’all both weird LMFAO

-> user6: i get why they’re together now 😭

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liked by bestie3, roscoelovescoco and 382,128 others.

yourusername: ny, you’ve been so good to me and thank u all for 500k! <3

view all comments

user1: i wanna be yn so bad

user2: did u see the rats?? are they scary 😭

-> yourusername: god they’re so scary!! i saw one square up with a bodega cat. like… i thought y’all were scared of cats??!! WHAT 😭

user3: 500k!! can’t wait to see what u do for a million followers!!

lewishamilton: roscoe misses u 🙏🏾

-> yourusername: you mean his dad misses me?

-> lewishamilton: 😎😉

user4: where are those boots from?

-> yourusername: they’re vintage! lewis bought them for me <3

user5: stunning stunning girl!!

user6: googling how to be lewis hamilton rn

bestie3: LOVE UUUUU BABE <3

-> yourusername: LOVE UU MORE MWAH 💕

lewishamilton: my beautiful girl 🫶🏽

-> yourusername: love u 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏾

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by bestie4, carlossainz55 and 68,828 others.

yourusername: taking a break from filming!! hope everyone is having a fun summer!!! 💗

view all comments

user1: her back is sooo smooth??? HOW?!

-> user2: my bacne says hello 😔

user3: so jealous those drinks look sooo good!!

carlossainz55: mi princesa 😍

-> yourusername: mi amor 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

carlossainz55: text me back please 🫶🏼

landonorris: jolene don’t steal my man away from me 😔

-> yourusername: he’s mine. stay mad 😻

bestie4: ur welcome for the last pic babe <3

-> yourusername: my girl ily <3

user5: obsessed with u. marry ME instead of carlos PLEASE.

carlossainz55: please answer my call mi vida 💗💗

-> yourusername: omw !!

user6: can’t wait until u come back on our screens again!!

user7: her natural curls r so gorgeous omg!!

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by bestie5, charles_leclerc and 182,928 others.

yourusername: skiing is my one true love <3

view all comments

user1: the last pic is so model of u yn.

user2: the dog!! ur so adorable!!

user3: these are some rich people activities.

charles_leclerc: just collapsed. you’re so beautiful.

-> yourusername: seriously??!!

-> charles_leclerc: it’s no big deal. you get used to it when you have a gorgeous girlfriend 🤷🏻‍♂️

-> user4: need a man likes charles omg

bestie5: need that hat it’s so cute!!

-> yourusername: u know what’s mine is urs babe x

charles_leclerc: you’re so stunning.

charles_leclerc: like i already knew it but WOW.

-> user5: how often do you have breakdowns due to yn’s beauty?

-> charles_leclerc: very often 😁

user6: so jealous of charles rn��.

charles_leclerc: marry me

-> yourusername: i already said yes babe 😭

-> charles_leclerc: just wanted a reminder 😁

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by bestie6, landonorris and 32,938 others.

yourusername: self care weekend and a new hairstyle! what do you all think? <3

view all comments

user1: oh no y’all… i can already hear lando typing…

user2: it’s giving storm 😻

-> yourusername: biggest compliment!! she’s so gorgeous!! halle was my first crush 💕

user3: LANDO GIVE ME UR GAME CARD HELLO

landonorris: i want u so bad

landonorris: oh my god

bestie5: i ate with that install ong 😍

-> yourusername: yesss u did that’s my bestie!!!

landonorris: 🐕

-> landonorris: rocky get back here!! my bad lol yourusername. he just be running off sometimes. but what’s up tho… u single? 😁

-> user4: OH NAHHHH 😭😭😭😭

-> user5: who tf is ROCKY bro has lost it 😭😭😭

landonorris: ur so pretty

landonorris: need u actually.

landonorris: ur hair is gorgeous <3 just like you.

-> yourusername: thank you baby 😽

-> landonorris: OMG U RESPONDED AHHHHH

-> landonorris: frothing at the mouth. kicking my feet. twirling my hair.

-> user6: all signs of rabies which has a 100% kill rate. i’ll date your gf when u go <3

-> landonorris: NO 😡🖕🏼FUCK OFF !!!

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryy @aliciaablueprint @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @theblueblub @marshmummy @23victoria @ourlifeforchaos @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @tsireyasgf @landososcar @yongi-lee @maxlarens @velentine @m1892 @blushmimi @evans-dejong @nixisracing @lethalvenus @sainzluvrr @santanasaintmendes @idontknowlmaoo

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

[aelric]

I think the increase in culture wars is directly related to the fact that political discourse has to fit into 280 characters and has to be worded in a as extreme terms as possible in order to invoke enough emotion to be shareable, but w/e

[mpchev]

Update on fanbinding dissertation: binding the dissertation itself!

After many days and nights of writing and wrangling footnotes and proofreading (where I couldn't convince my laptop that yes, I meant textualisation, not sexualisation), 'twas time to bind the beasts! In three copies, no less! Which I approached with way too much confidence from my one fanbind experience, and came with many fun little surprises due to the format guidelines I had to follow 🤡

This is going to be a long one, so here's my happy unfocused mug to confirm that it all ends well:

First pickle: The typesetting. I absolutely loved typesetting fanfic, but the dissertation had to be A4 (way less fun, boo-hoo), one-sided, with every page numbered. Did you know that LibreOffice won't let you add blank pages and only number the non-blank ones, without skipping numbers? In order to print signatures I could fold into one-sided pages, only numbered on the right-hand pages, I ended up switching to landscape orientation and including the equivalent of a blank page in the left margin.

Second pickle: The imposing, which I couldn't figure out using the amazing bookbinder with my weird landscape 2-page layout. I finally gave in and rearranged all the pages manually, which looked like p. 1 on the recto / p. 10 on the verso, then p2/p9, p3/p8, p4/p7, p5/p8, p6/p7. And because there was no way I was paying print-in-colour prices for all of this, I further split the manually imposed pages into two files, one for the greyscale printer (cheaper) and one for the colour printer (highway robbery). Still came up to ~£70, just for printing.

Very glad I went in chunks of 10 for the signatures, it made both the math and the folding using sheets from two different piles much easier, highly recommend (if for some absurd reason you also want to bind one-sided numbered pages in folded signatures).

Third pickle: Linear time. Had planned on having so much time to print and bind this thing, but kept writing and rewriting and proofing and oops! It was due in less than 24 hours and it was still not out of the laptop. So.

22/09/24, 6pm: Got to the library, started printing.

6.45pm: Found another printer where all the paper was the same shade of white, started printing again 🤦‍♂️ (kept the the misprints to use as scrap paper when glueing)

7.30pm: Started folding the 150 sheets of paper (3 x 100-page dissertation, 2 pages per sheet). Went from the last episode of The Magnus Protocol, to an episode of Welcome to Night Vale, to deciding restart The Magnus Archive, which felt almost poetic.

9pm: Headed back home, trimmed the edges (with a borrowed guillotine), folded the endpapers, stabbed everything. Lack of pictures to be blamed on my inability to mess with linear time, and the eventual sleep deprivation.

10.30pm, I think? Started sewing the signatures together, again with Supernatural (which I started rewatching when I submitted my first dissertation assignment in mid-May, and finished 2 days after submitting the dissertation itself, again, such poetry).

2am, probably? Tipped the endpapers and glued cheesecloth over the spines. Somehow figured out where to set the three textblocks to dry (I don't have a press). Sadly gave up on sewing on (or glueing) headbands, because time.

3am-ish: Cut the missing cover pieces out of millboard (had already cut 4 of 6 covers, since I knew it had to be A4), measured the spines of the three textblocks and cut those as well.

???am: Did some math, because sure, that's the right time for that. Cut the bookcloth to size, glued the cover pieces on the bookcloth. Remarkably only messed up the measurements on one of them! That means one of the copies has a millimetre of millboard showing in the inside corners of the back cover, but not enough time/bookcloth/millboard to redo it, onward we go!

Way past dawn: Took a break for food while the covers somewhat dried. Cased the three textblocks in the three covers, with the endpapers bubbling, which took me by surprise since it was the same paper and same glue I had used for the fanbind without any problem. I'm now thinking that bigger book = more time needed to apply the glue = endpapers getting warped, but I was so exhausted by this point that who knows. Again, no time to redo it!

9.30am: Stacked the dissertations under the heavy reference books I used to write the dissertation. Toute est dans toute hein. Went to bed while they (mostly) dried.

2.30pm: Woken up by my neighbour's dj set. Eventually put all that hard work in a tote and walked to school to hand it in at 4.30pm.

Fourth and last pickle: The titling. Couldn't find paper long enough to do a half-dust jacket like I did last time. Had big cutout plans, ran out of time and couldn't finish testing those. Also had some thicker textured paper I thought of cutting and glueing to the cover as a title card, but it turned out too thin and was warping. Finally resigned myself to submitting it with a blank cover, but one of my teachers asked if I would mind adding the title on with metallic markers to make it easier to identify (one copy will eventually be on the shelf at the Institute), and I'm SO HAPPY with how it turned out. Metallic markers. Why didn't I think of that. (I did, however, think about dressing appropriately for the occasion.)

So, is it possible to print and bind 3 books in less than 24 hours? Yes! Am I glad I did it? Also yes, very satisfying, love being extra! Would I do it again? God no, I've been sleeping for two weeks and I still haven't recovered. Can't wait to start binding something else though, so I guess it wasn't that bad.

That's it! That's over! Aaaaaah! Now waiting for the grade and comments, and hopefully soon I'll be able to share the content as well.

I'll also try to post some more about the research/writing process itself, somewhere between the late nights reading international treaties on income tax and the early mornings spent figuring out how to apply for a phd next.

Thank you so much to everyone who followed along, this was way more fun than I ever could have hoped!

[the-everqueen]

ok but how do i convince my parents not to come to graduation?