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pepethehobbit · 4 years ago

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It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)

3 times people wrongly assume Jens and Lucas are in a relationship and one time they’re right. (ao3)

“You have the present right?”, Lucas asks, probably for the third time in the 15 minute walk it took them from Jens's house to Robbe and Sander's new flat. Jens feels like he should be annoyed with the lack of trust Lucas seems to have in him, but he can't help the fond laugh that escapes his lips.

“Yes, Luc. I have the present. Would you chill? Why are you so nervous?” Jens places what he hopes is a comforting hand on Luc's shoulder and gives it a soft squeeze. It seems to work because the tension is visibly draining from Lucas' shoulders under Jens' touch. It makes Jens weirdly proud.

“It's the first time that I'm meeting all of your friends.” He must notice Jens' confused gaze and continues to explain before Jens can interrupt. “No, I mean like all of your friends. Of course I know the brothers and Sander, but I haven't met Jana yet, or Milan, or Luca or Zoe and Senne and I know that they are like super important to you as well.” Lucas feels like maybe he should say more but he stops there. Jens seems to read him perfectly anyway.

“And so what? You're afraid they won't like you?”

“No, I mean, yes kinda? To be honest? We've spent a lot of time together lately and I don't want them to think I'm holding you back from spending time with them.”

Jens tries to hold back an amused laugh but he is hugely unsuccessful in doing so and before Lucas can get the chance of being offended he tries his best to reassure him: “Leave it to you, Luc, that you actually think about stuff like that. Honestly, they will understand and they are going to love you and you them. You have nothing to worry about. Trust me.”

Lucas sighs but Jens can tell that he was at least a little bit successful in calming his nerves. It surprises him sometimes how easy it is for him to read him. Technically, they've known each other since elementary school. They were best friends, even before Robbe entered their little group but then Lucas moved back to the Netherlands when they were eleven and they lost contact. Once, out of curiosity, Jens looked for a Lucas van der Heijden on Instagram when he was sixteen, just to see if he would find him and maybe see what he was up to these days. When he actually found him a weird but not entirely uncomfortable feeling began to stir in his stomach as he hovered over the follow button. In the end he chickened out of pressing the button that would give them the chance to reconnect. The same feeling came back when he started uni three weeks ago and he felt someone tap on his shoulder when he was standing in front of the cafeteria with Robbe and the rest of the brothers.

Jens turned around, curious, and couldn't hold back his mouth from dropping in a really unflattering way, overcome with shock and surprise. “Lucas?”, Jens had asked, not really trusting his eyes. Lucas let out a small but pleased laugh and nodded his head excitedly in confirmation.

“What are you doing here?” Lucas continued to smile at him, but it turned into a teasing one when he looked around, surrounded by students and university buildings and answered: “Studying?”

Jens had rolled his eyes at that, he wanted to come back with something equally smart but then he remembered the others were still with him when he saw the confused faces of Moyo, Aaron and even Robbe, who didn't seem to recognize him right away. He introduced them to Lucas and from there on they basically spend every single moment together, either with the brothers or alone. They seemed to fall right back into that easy dynamic they had when they were still children but there was something else as well. At least for Jens, that easy dynamic came with an added need for closeness. Somehow, he really can't imagine a day where he wouldn't want to spend time with Lucas. It might have to do with the fact that when Lucas smiles at him with the bluest eyes he has ever seen Jens feels like something that has been missing from his life has been returned to him. Jens isn't ready to question this feeling yet, just like he is ignoring the way his stomach feels all fluttery and excited when Lucas attention seems to be solely on him.

Naturally, Robbe and Sander invited him to their housewarming party and Jens and Lucas have decided to go together. They even found a little present for them when they were out on a little tour of Antwerp, with Jens showing Lucas the city and all his favorite places. “Jens, I have lived here before, you know? I really don't need the tour,” Lucas has said when Jens suggested it. “Bullshit, Luc. That was ages ago. I need to show you all the good spots that we didn't know of back then.” Jens also took him to that little secluded corner by the Scheldt that he sometimes goes to when he wants to be alone. He hadn't even consciously thought about it in the moment, it just felt so utterly natural for him to show Lucas his hiding spot. Jens only really noticed that he did that when he was home again and replayed the events of the day in his head. He wondered only briefly about what that could mean and then he brushed that thought aside and just decided to text Lucas instead, asking when they should meet up at the skate park the next day.

Two weeks later, of which they had almost spend every day together, they're now on the steps of Sander's and Robbe's new flat, about to ring the door bell. Jens still has his hand on Lucas' shoulder, squeezes once again and asks: “Ready?”

Lucas nods and rings the doorbell that reads Driesen/IJzermans. They get buzzed in and on their short climb up to the first floor they could already hear the muffled sound of music and smell the smallest hint of smoke and alcohol. Jens and Lucas follow the sound and are greeted with an excited Milan, who opens the door at the end of the hall for them.

“Ahhh, Robbe! Sander!” Milan cries with a look inside the apartment, searching for the owners. He then turned around again, now face to face with Lucas and Jens who have arrived at the doorstep, standing next to each other with their shoulders and arms touching all the way. If Jens were to reach out with his fingers, they would brush against Lucas'. “Another couple to make me feel sufficiently single tonight, how nice. Robbe told me all about you two. Come in, come in, the lovebirds are probably in the living room somewhere.”

It's not exactly the word “couple” that makes him freeze on the spot and it's also not the thought about what Milan means when he says Robbe has told him about them. It's more the way he can feel Lucas tense immediately next to him and then not at all as he takes a step sideways to create some distance between them. Hurt flashes through him for a second, hurt at the thought that Lucas is ashamed at the thought of them together. But then he thinks about the fact that Lucas hasn't been out that long, a fact he told him when Jens took him to his hiding spot. Maybe, Jens thinks, it's an unconscious reaction Lucas makes whenever people assume the one thing about him he tried to hide and suppress for so long. Maybe he just isn't ready to be openly affectionate yet even if they are just friends.

Lucas and Jens haven't moved from their spot in the doorway and Milan eyes them curiously. “Are you coming or what?”

“We are not a couple. Lucas is just a friend,” Jens clarifies finally. He hopes he is sufficient enough in hiding his disappointment.

“Yeah, what exactly did Robbe tell you?” Lucas asks with a laugh, but it sounds forced.

Milan seems still really confused and skeptical. “He told me about how Jens doesn't have time for him right now, because he met you and now spends all his time with you. He said, and I quote 'They can't get enough of each other.' Are you sure you're not together?”

Jens has to will the blush away that threatened to spread at Milan's words. Although it definitely wasn't in the way Milan implies, they did spend almost every minute of every day together. He woke up with thoughts of Luc, texted him to ask if he has time, they hung out all day and at night in bed he would think about the day and how happy he is that Lucas is back in his life. But now, when he looks over at Lucas, he seems to be uncomfortable with what Robbe had said and Milan interpreted the wrong way.

Probably firmer than he really needs to, but hoping it makes Lucas more comfortable about the situation if he dispels all possibilities of them being together, he says: “Yes. We are pretty sure we are not together. Lucas and I were best friends when we were young. We just had a lot to catch up on these last few weeks.”

With that, Milan lets them off the hook and they finally step into the flat. He still doesn't seem to believe them, Jens knows Milan well enough to see that he is not convinced there is nothing between Luc and him. Jens doesn't try to think about it too much. He also tries to direct his thoughts away from the feeling of disappointment that Lucas is so uncomfortable at the thought of them together. The nagging feeling at the back of his throat tells him he knows why he feels that way but he also doesn't want to investigate it further, because his disappointment will only turn into hurt. He tries his best to stay oblivious to the storm inside his head that Milan's words and Lucas's reaction have caused. He isn't ready to admit it and the party is the best way to distract him.

They find Robbe and Sander, give them their present and Jens introduces Lucas to all his other friends. Jana eyes him curiously when he talks about Luc, but he stores that away with the rest of his thoughts concerning his childhood friend. The party is fun, they dance all night and drink even more and Jens nearly forgets all about the things he should probably start thinking about.

It's been a few weeks since the housewarming party and they have yet to talk about the whole “Milan thought we were together” fiasco, and remembering how uncomfortable Lucas seemed at the idea, Jens is scared to bring it up. So they ignore it. It's not like it's a big deal anyway. Milan thought they were together and they cleared that misunderstanding, setting everything straight. There is no reason for Jens to still think about it as much as he does, failing at ignoring it entirely. He tries his best though, tries to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling when he thinks of Lucas as his boyfriend, how proud he would feel if he could actually get to introduce him as such, how nervous and excited he still gets every time they hang out together, how he can't stop staring at his lips when Lucas doesn't notice, how he daydreams about covering those lips with his own, how he just wants to reach out and touch, how he drowns in the bluest eyes in his dreams nearly every night.

“So what do you think? We could combine it with a trip to Utrecht to see my friends?” Lucas asks, snapping Jens out of his sad attempt at ignoring thoughts about the boy right next to him.

“What?” Jens answers confused but Lucas only huffs a laugh. “Honestly, Jens. Where is your head at recently? Have you been listening to anything I have said in the last five minutes?”

Jens tries to think about what they have been talking about, sitting at the familiar spot at the Scheldt that has already kind of become their spot since Jens has shown him his hideout. He comes up with a blank, confused about himself that he got so lost in his head trying and failing not to think about Lucas that he can't even recall what the real one just said to him. He feels how Lucas scoots a bit closer to him on the blanket they share and from the corner of his eye he sees him raising his hand. Jens is still surprised however when that hand is placed gently on his temple, a smooth thumb easing away the crease between his eyebrows. Lucas' touch is soft and careful and Jens tries to ignore the feeling of wanting Lucas to touch him like this all the time, until he's not careful anymore but sure and secure in his movement, because Lucas has done this a million times before. But with so many things concerning him, Jens is widely unsuccessful.

“Hey, are you okay, Jens?” Lucas' voice is soft and low, flowing over with real concern and it's causing a small flutter in Jens' stomach.

“Sorry, I spaced out. I think I'm just tired,” Jens lies and he can see that Lucas doesn't really believe him. But before he can say anything Jens turns to him with a loud exhale and asks: “What were you talking about?” Lucas eyes him skeptically for a moment but something in his voice must have given Lucas reason to not push further.

“I was saying that Kes and Jayden have two spare tickets to see The 1975 in Amsterdam and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? We could make a weekend trip out of it. Go to Utrecht on Friday, you could meet my friends and on Saturday we all take the train to Amsterdam and leave for Antwerp again on Sunday. What do you think?”

Lucas sounds so obviously excited about it and Jens is honored that he wants him to meet his friends and go to a concert of his favorite band with him. It's not really Jens' favorite band, but Lucas has shown him some songs that he really loves and listens to all the time now. So he replied with the only possible answer: “I would love to.”

The answering smile he gets from Lucas is tugging at his heartstrings and as he smiles back just as excited he really hopes that this boy is not going to break his heart.

When Jens gets home after it had started to rain, after they scrambled for their skateboards and the rest of their belongings and after they skated through the summer rain to their respective homes, out of breath from laughing, Jens changes into comfy and dry clothes and throws himself on his bed, exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the day.

So ignoring isn't really working out for him, Jens notices. But is there an alternative? He can't just go up to Lucas and tell him that he wants to be more than friends. Especially thinking about the tenseness of Lucas' shoulders when Milan referred to them as a couple. For now, he probably can't do much more than to accept that he has feelings for Lucas and hope that they will fade with time, because it doesn't look like Luc is going to return these feelings anytime soon. It's gonna be hard, but that's better than not having Lucas in his life at all.

It's only been a little over a month ago since they met again and Jens already can't imagine a life without him by his side, is confused for a second when he thinks back to outings with the brothers and realizes that Luc wasn't with them. Lucas just fitted himself so perfectly into Jens' life, made himself comfortable and decided to stay. Jens can only hope that Lucas keeps that decision when his feelings will eventually go and ruin everything.

+++

The queue to the venue where they're about to see The 1975 is pretty long. Next to him Lucas bemoans the fact that they will probably get really shit places to see them on stage. He wants to reach out, pull him in a hug or just comfort him somehow, but with Kes and Jayden there he feels weirdly watched. They, Kes especially, have already given Jens some knowing looks during their visit and Jens isn't sure how to interpret them, because sometimes they are accompanied by what Jens guesses are supposed to be meaningful looks towards Lucas. Who mostly ignores them or he just really doesn't seem to notice.

“Oh come on, stop whining. Whose fault was it that we missed the first train because someone couldn't decide on an outfit to wear?” Kes says with a gentle punch to Lucas's shoulder.

“It's my first time seeing them live, I wanna look good.” Lucas replies in a sulk.

“You do.” Jens says before he could even think about it, it just slipped out. The urge to compliment and reassure Lucas is like a reflex he can't control. From of the corner of his eye he can see Kes smile knowingly again but he is more focused on the way Luc's eyes snap up to his, as if searching for something, but then he shakes his head slightly and simply says: “Thanks.”

“Guys, come on! We're about to see our favorite band! Stop complaining. It's gonna be awesome, even if we won't actually see what's going on,” Jayden exclaims excitedly, pulls all three of them into a group hug and ruffles every mop of hair he can possibly reach. Lucas pushes him away with a fond smile, tries to set his hair right again and Jens finds himself thinking that his curls look just as good when they're a little bit messy. He wants to run his hand through them himself, just to see if Luc is still as pretty with even messier hair. Jens wonders if his hair is even more disheveled in the mornings, if he ever gets a chance of seeing it, of being the reason for it.

“Look, the queue is moving up,” Kes notices and they all move up a few meters until they have to stop again. This goes on for another half an hour, in which they talk and speculate which song they are going to open with and in which Jens tries really hard to get his thoughts about Lucas under control, because if he doesn't he is sure he will slip up again and say something that he can't take back.

They are finally at the entrance, Kes and Jayden are in front of them, already showing their ticket to one of the ticket inspectors. Lucas has just grabbed his hand to pull him along and when he shows his ticket to the inspector he hasn't let go of Jens yet. Both of them are kind of surprised when the inspector says to Lucas: “And your boyfriend's ticket?”

Lucas drops his hand immediately, as if burned and even flinches a good foot away from Jens. “He is not my boyfriend,” and his voice sounds like he is in panic and Jens tries really hard not to feel the hurt washing over him.

“Well, I still need your ticket,” the inspector says calmly and turns his gaze towards Jens. While handing the ticket over he chances a look at Lucas and it looks like he would rather do anything else than to meet Jens' gaze.

They walk inside in an awkward tension after the security guy cleared them. Jens hates it, things have never been that weird between them. He hates having to second guess his every move, he just wants to get back to the beginning, where everything felt natural with Lucas and he wasn't aware of his feelings. Because being oblivious hurt way less than this. Being aware means he can see the tension in Lucas shoulders and that weird sort of forced smile he now gives Kes and Jayden who wait for them near the entrance. Being aware means that he he sees how glad Lucas seems to be that they are here to distract from the situation so Luc can avoid talking about it. Jayden immediately ropes him into a conversation about a pretty girl he saw. Jens knows that Lucas couldn't care less about his friend's weird attempt at flirting, at least under normal circumstances. Because right now he seems very eager to support Jayden instead of giving him one of his usual sarcastic and teasing comments.

If Jens was feeling less for him he probably would've been able to just brush it off with a joke and a bro like punch to his shoulder as soon as it happened. But he couldn't react fast enough because the first thing he felt was the sting of rejection when he heard Lucas's panicked voice. He tries his best now to be part of the conversation happening around him, to not focus on Lucas as much anymore, but instead to copy some of Kes' relaxed aura and stealing some of Jayden's excitement about the concert.

As soon as Lucas notices that Jens isn't going to approach the subject he seems more relaxed as well, seems to be able to meet Jens' gaze again and not duck his head like he is still embarrassed but seems genuinely happy that he is here with him. And when Luc's favorite band finally gets on stage after a mediocre supporting act he tugs at Jens' hand excitedly, lets out a happy mixture between a laugh and a squeal when they start with Chocolate and Jens thinks that if he wasn't aware of his feelings for him before, this moment would have done it. He is singing along loudly and off key and dancing and smiling so happy and carefree and Jens falls even more in love with him. When they play It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) Lucas turns to look at him and seems momentarily surprised when he finds Jens' eyes already on him. But then he just smiles in a way Jens has not seen directed at him before, turns his head back to the stage and continues singing along with that same smile on his face. Something like hope blossoms in Jens' chest and he wants to reach out and take Luc's hand in his. He doesn't. In the end he is just happy that even though the evening started with awkward tension between them, it still turned out to be one of the best nights he has ever had.

It's been nearly a week since the concert which is also the last time they have seen each other. That glimmer of hope that Jens developed that evening died down pretty quickly when Lucas turned down every offer of hanging out with him this last week. He said it's stuff he has to do for Uni and then there was apparently some drama with Kes and it all sounds like made up excuses to avoid Jens.

Despite his slight annoyance and hurt that Lucas can't just talk to him about what ever is bothering him he tries asking him one last time because he really could use his help tonight. It's Lotte's birthday tomorrow and he promised her a cake. Not one you could easily buy from a store, but one he makes from scratch, with his own hand. In hindsight, he really should've resisted Lotte's puppy dog eyes because Jens knows only one thing about baking which is that it's not just a simple thing of following the recipe to get something resembling a cake. What he does know though, with 100% certainty is that Lucas loves to bake.

To Lucas Hey Luc I know you're probably busy but tomorrow is Lotte's birthday and I promised her a cake. Could you come over? I'm freaking out about this and I don't know shit about baking.

To Jens' surprise he actually gets a reply only a few seconds later.

From Lucas Sure. You already have a cake in mind? We could make a funfetti. Lotte will love it and it's pretty easy. We could meet up at the supermarket at your corner for the ingredients?

To Lucas You are a lifesaver! See you in twenty?

From Lucas I'll be there.

+++

It was kind of nerve wrecking for Jens to spot Lucas skate up to him after a week of not seeing him, which has been the longest time without real contact since Lucas tapped him on the shoulder nearly two months ago. He feels like they had a moment at the concert but then Lucas has ignored him all week and now he doesn't know what to feel. It's a bit awkward at first because neither of them said anything except a quick “Hey” in greeting. Jens just kept looking at him, couldn't not when he hasn't seen him all week and Lucas has kind of just kept looking back. It made Jens' inside feel like jelly and he had to break away from his gaze before he could blurt out something that he couldn't take back.

It was easier once they were inside, both glad about a task to distract them from the tension, as mundane as it may be. Once they start actually shopping for the things they need, they fall back into their comfortable dynamic pretty quick, the tension giving way to easy familiarity. Lucas is teasing him about his inability to bake and Jens acts fake offended until Luc gives him an overly dramatic “You can be glad to have me”. Jens is barely able to hold back the answering, and way more serious sounding “I am”, doesn't want to risk slipping into awkward tension territory again. Lucas leads him through every aisle in the supermarket, making sure they don't forget anything and Jens thinks about a future where this is a regular occurrence: Lucas turning grocery shopping or other simple every day life things into something special by simply being there with him. He tries to stop these thoughts as soon as they enter his brain though, they will only hurt him more, because he knows it's not the same for Lucas anyway.

When they are at the cash register and have put everything on the conveyor belt Lucas suddenly goes wide eyes, turns to him, grabs his hand, squeezes once and says: “Shit, we forgot something for our cake. I'll go grab it real quick. Be back in a second.” With an apologetic smile to the cashier, he lets go of his hand and jogs back into the direction they came from. Kind of surprised from the suddenness of the action he stares after Lucas and then at his hand that still tingles in the places Lucas' fingers have brushed him. Shaking himself out of it he starts to pack away the things the cashier has already scanned and waits for Lucas' return.

The cashier notices him first though. “Oh, you're boyfriend's back,” she says, making Jens' head snap back up in surprise to find Lucas only a few meters away, halting in is fast steps, eyes going wide in shock before turning into something closed off Jens can't decipher. He definitely heard what the middle aged lady has said and when he is at Jens' side again he hears him repeat the words that have caused him the same hurt just a week ago: “He is not my boyfriend.” It's accompanied with an uncomfortable and forced fake laugh and Jens tries his best not to feel the disappointment because he has already expected this reaction, couldn't have expected something different because he really isn't his boyfriend. But the obvious discomfort in Lucas whole body language still hurts.

“Oh,” says the cashier with a confused expression. “I'm sorry, my bad. Looked liked you were.”

Jens should probably say something as well because this is getting awkward as hell and Lucas looks more and more uncomfortable. He decides not to comment on it though and just asks the cashier for the total after Lucas has already added the missing ingredient to the belt.

After paying and walking out of the store Lucas turns to him and says: “Well, that was awkward as fuck, right?” It's the first time he acknowledges one of those incidents and it's with another one of those forced fake laughs.

“Yeah, fucking weird,” Jens tries to mimic the laugh but it sounds off and sad even to himself. Luc punches his arm gently, an attempt at restoring the easiness between them and says with a fake chipper to his voice: “Come on, lets go home and bake that cake.”

Jens turns around and points to his bike that he came with and then looks pointedly at Luc's skateboard. “For old times sake?” Jens asks and hopes it works to further relieve the tension. This time Lucas' spreading grin is honest and he nods excitedly in agreement. So he gets on his bike and Luc on his skateboard, while holding on to Jens' shoulder and they ride off. It's something they've done all the time as kids, depending on who brought their bike. They would just ride around in the neighborhood or to the skate park, trying to go as fast as possible while one of them pulls the other along on the skateboard.

Once Jens reaches more speed he feels how Lucas clings more tightly onto his arm. He turns his head, following the sound of Luc's laughter and lets the happiness of this moment flow through him. When Lucas turns his head to look at Jens the laughter fades out but it's replaced with that damn smile again, the one from the concert and it makes Jens' heart skip a beat. But Jens doesn't have enough time to think about what this means if he wants to avoid an accident.

They arrive at Jens' home about five minutes later and head directly into the kitchen. Luckily, Lotte is at her friends house and his mum is still at work, so they have the house to themselves. The second they enter the kitchen Lucas is in full on The Great British Bake Off mode, tells Jens what to do, which appliances to get and to preheat the oven to 180°C. Jens can't help himself but to find it endearing. He continues to smile at Lucas in a way which is possibly way too soft until Luc turns around, raises his eyebrows expectantly and asks: “What is it?”

Jens' smile turns into mixture between bashful and amused. “Nothing,” he replies and before he can hold it back he adds: “You're cute when you're bossy.” With the way Lucas' cheek turn a pretty shade of pink and the way he can't fight the small smile that is tugging at his annoyed expression Jens can't even bring himself to regret it.

Although that changes when the next thing he sees is flour being thrown directly into his hair. “Oh no you didn't.”

The laugh Lucas lets out is happy and free but his tone is challenging when he replies with “Oh, I absolutely did.” He also raises his eyebrows as if to ask Jens what are you gonna do about it. Not backing down from a challenge and still holding eye contact with Lucas, he blindly reaches for the flour, gets a small handful and dumps it unceremoniously on Luc's hair as well.

Before Lucas can reach for the flour again Jens tries his best at stopping him from making even more of a mess of him. He grabs his wrists but Lucas is faster and Jens ends up with white powder all over his shirt and pants. From then on he doesn't really know what happens, they both reach for each other, grab at their arms and wrists and waists to try and get flour all over each other. The air is filled with their laughter and breathless exclamations of stop and the next thing Jens knows is that in an attempt to stop Lucas from throwing flour all down his back he acts before he thinks and steps right in front of Luc, basically trapping him against the counter.

He is still a little breathless when he meets Lucas' gaze but for an entirely different reason now. They are closer than he anticipated, their noses nearly brushing and Jens can see the little specks of flour that have caught on Luc's eyelashes. He feels how his eyes drop down to Luc's lips, just for a millisecond and he should step back, knows that he should but he can't will his feet to move even just an inch. Lucas doesn't seem to be in rush to get out of the situation either and it makes Jens feel brave. He raises his hand and lets his thumb swipe gently over Luc's eyebrow down to his nose, then his cheekbone and lastly his chin under the pretense to get rid of some flour on his face. He can hear Lucas' breath hitch and it makes his pulse beat even faster than it already does.

But then Lucas is pushing him away, not exactly firm but not exactly soft either. He clears his throat, shakes out his hair and says: “We should start baking. Good thing we bought two packs of flour, right?” He turns his back towards Jens but he can still hear the shakiness in his voice. Jens knows Lucas well enough to know that it probably would be a bad idea to push now but he can't just ignore it. He needs to know what is holding him back.

“Luc? Why do you seem so uncomfortable when people assume we're together?” He sees Lucas' body freeze at the question and he hates that he can't see his expression as his back is still turned towards him.

After a couple of second Lucas seems to try it with denial. “I don't know what you mean.” Jens wants to get annoyed but showing it would probably make Lucas close up even more. But that doesn't mean that Jens is ready to give up. He goes to stand next to Lucas but he resists the urge to reach out and touch.

“Well, the first time with Milan I literally felt you tense up and for the first hour of the party you were really weird and tensed up every time I reached out for you. The second and the third time your voice was literally filled with panic at the idea of people thinking we're together. I don't mean to sound so judging but what is so bad about the thought of being with me that you can't just laugh it off? Is it because I'm a boy? I mean -”

Lucas suddenly turns around and his expression reads a mixture of anger and annoyance. “Oh come on, Jens. I'm gay. Of course it's not because you're a boy.”

Jens can't help himself to keep the annoyance from his own response: “Well, what is it then? If it's not that, then it's me, right?” He can see the anger draining away from Lucas' face and being replaced with a conflicted kind of expression. “Yes,” he finally answers quietly and Jens feels himself take a step back as if he had been physically punched in the gut. That's what it feels like at least. It's his turn to turn his back on Lucas, not ready for him to see how much this actually hurts him. But then he feels a hesitant hand on his arm and a soft voice saying: “But not in the way you think right now.”

It fills him with enough hope to turn around again and he finds Lucas stepping even closer than before. He takes a deep breath and looks intently and earnestly in Jens' eyes. “It's not you that made me uncomfortable or the thought about being your boyfriend. Believe me, that is as far away from the truth as possible. It was more the thought that other people, strangers even, could so clearly see what I was trying to hide since the moment I met you again. I was trying so hard not to fall for you but you make it so goddamn easy, Jens! And I hated the thought that I was so obvious about it. It made me uncomfortable that you would figure out how I feel about you, especially because I thought there would be no way that you could ever feel the same.”

Jens heart is beating out of his chest and he falls even more towards Lucas during his confession, as if pulled in by a magnet. He raises his hand and places it on Luc's neck, beginning to play with the curls that he can reach. “But I do,” is all that he is able to reply.

“I'm beginning to understand that.” Lucas says with a smile and Jens' eyes flutter shut as soon as he feels Luc's nose brush against his own. He tilts his head and holds his breath when he feels the first brush of their lips. Lucas makes this small little contented noise and Jens positively melts against his chest, parting his lips to invite him in. Where Lucas' fingers softly dance up Jens' arm and into his hair a trail of goosebumps is left behind, despite the relative warmth in the kitchen, heated up by the summer sun shining through the window. He feels Luc's other arm wrap around his waist to pull him even closer and Jens can't help the smile that's breaking out on his face, too giddy with the fact that he is actually kissing Lucas.

He decides that feeling Lucas' responding smile against his lips is nearly as overwhelming as actually kissing him. Lucas pulls back a little bit and Jens knows that his smile can be described as dopey but that's no reason for Lucas to break out laughing. “Why are you laughing?” Jens asks amused and with a happy smile that he can't seem to shake.

Lucas stops laughing enough to answer but when he meets Jens' eyes he starts again. The sound makes Jens' heart skip a beat and he thinks that he would give anything to see Luc as happy as he is right now. He is also weirdly proud of being the reason for it.

Instead of explaining what it is that is so funny to him right now, Lucas simply reaches up towards Jens' hair and gives it a good ruffle. A big puff of white powder rains down around Jens and suddenly he is reminded of the situation which got them into this in the first place. He looks down at himself, down at Lucas, looks at the entire mess they made of the kitchen, meets Luc's gaze and they double over laughing at the same time.

Once they calmed down enough Jens reaches for Lucas again and it already feels so right and familiar how he fits against him. He presses his lips against Luc's in what was planned as only a little peck but Lucas immediately tightens his hold on him and begins to softly moves his lips. Jens pours everything he hasn't yet said into the kiss and with the way Lucas keeps kissing him he thinks that he understands what Jens wants to say.

“Ahem,” makes a voice behind them and Lucas starts to pull away from Jens' lips to see who was trying to get their attention. It's Robbe's birthday and they're currently on the balcony leading of the kitchen when they turn around and see Milan standing opposite of them with an amused expression.

“Please tell me that you sorted some shit out, because that's definitely not how friends act.”

Lucas and Jens turn towards each other and can't help the smile that is spreading across both of their faces. They turn back to Milan, whose expression has gone soft and knowing, and Lucas responds with: “Yeah, we got our shit together. I'm pretty sure that he is my boyfriend now.”

“Great, now there really is another couple to make me feel more single,” Milan says, but his face betrays his disappointed tone. He positively beams at them and when he turns around to leave again he makes a waving motion and says: “As you were.”

Jens turns to Lucas with a teasing smile and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Lucas rolls his eyes as if annoyed but he still leans in and against Jens' lips he whispers: “You're lucky I love you.”

It hasn't been that long but Jens can't imagine a time in their future where the words won't make his heart beat faster, can't imagine ever getting used to the feeling of experiencing Lucas' love. Jens leans in and before he closes he distance between their lips for good he whispers back: “I love you, too.”

#vds #van der stoffels #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #my writing #I found out way too late that the song is about the singers drug addiction but then it was too late to change ot #*it #sooo please ignore that hahah #it was meant to be romantic I guess?#well anyway #I hope you enjoy

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songofsaraneth · 3 years ago

Photo

Another very busy but very fun couple weeks over here!!!! what a change of pace from the every-day-the-same-blur the last couple months have been.

My parents birthdays are in late June/early July so I went back to Chicago to visit for those + the 4th. It’s been well over a year since I was last at my childhood home and I always miss the lake I grew up on sooooo much. Got to have a nice time kayaking around (pic 1) and enjoying the water lillies and frogs :)))) Also visited my extended family in rural western IL, my uncle is one of the 3 people that make up the towns entire historical preservation society, and they just finished moving/restoring a cute cabin and some equipment from when the area was first settled, which was neat (pic 2).

On the 3rd I went downtown to hang out with my childhood bffs + partners + my friend’s daughter on a beach on Lake Michigan (pic 3), and its the frist time i’ve been around so many people since 2020 and i’m definitely both rusty on the social skills as well as still feeling weirded out by groups now. It was a really hot day with cold water and good company and food though so while a shock to be back in such a weirdly “normal” setting I did still have a good time. And saw a couple of them again on the 4th at my house, and the neighbors across the lake set off a surprisingly good firework show (pic 4).

I also got to go visit @onionjuggler and her pups (pic 5 & 6 and oops forgot to take any of us together lmao)!!!!!! While this is not actually the first time we have met as we overlapped at the same college (and were both in the campus circus group no less), we reconnected on tumblr last summer bonding over Dragon Age & Mass Effect obsessions and it was soooooo nice to get to hang out irl as a follow up :)))))

Anyway I spent less than a week back in New Mexico frantically catching up on working + prepping for my following trip this past weekend. Also got to do some baking for a labmate’s post-thesis-defense party, it’s the first time I’ve been able to bake for other people in???? SO long and I missed it. Made doughnut muffins (not pictured) which are delicious but not photogenic and then mini fruit tartlets (pic 7) which taste good and are also very visually show-off-y. Happy to say they were a hit!

Anyway then friday night I drove over to AZ where a photographer couple I’ve worked with a few times before/kept in touch with just moved a few months ago (all the way from New Hampshire). Their new house has a pool so we arranged to do both some figure-on-landscape and figure photography plus also some underwater work! It’s been since last March since my last modeling gig and FOREVER since I’ve gotten to do any mermaid portraits, so it was very exciting to be able to get back to both. Spent the weekend running around jumping on rocks in improbable places with full face makeup + giant lashes lmao (pic 8) and on very little sleep since we were doing sunrise shots as well. I style/advertise myself as an “adventure model” able to get to trickier locations and do harder shoots than the average model, and Jay (the photographer) has done several with me before, so we also went to a location he knew he’d probably not be able to get another model able to reach as it involved an uphill 5 mile technical mountain bike ride followed by a mile of hiking while carrying our giant backpacking bags of camera equipment + outfit/makeup changes + 3 liters of water, all in 95º weather in midday desert sun lmao. The shots turned out SO good though, and I even got to jump in an ephemeral waterfall pool for a bunch of them, and then the mountain bike ride back down was SO fun, though I still had to walk a few bits since no way was I doing some of those technical rocky corners while in a 25lb pack. Bikes & some gear featured in pic 9 :D

Pic 10 is the view from one of the locations we shot at! Involved a technical scramble up the back of a boulder, but looked like a totally sheer face from the front--it’s gonna be super impressive in the final pics. I was wearing a dress made from an old repurposed parashute, so the skirt hangs way down over the rocks and will billow if there’s any breeze, which we did have a bit of. You can see the giant adventure van we roamed around in under a tree in the foreground. I’m really glad I was able to go out and get those because I actually woke up with a migraine saturday night and my rescue meds give me super weird dreams/make me fairly woozy, but luckily the migraine was a fairly small one by my standards and the meds had worn off enough that I could do the climbing stuff safely. But it did mean I only got like 3 hours of sleep after only 2 hours of sleep on friday so I was fairly exhausted. greem.jpg.

And the underwater stuff in the afternoon went really well to!!!! It’s soooo hard to tell if anythings turning out in the moment since you can’t really see on the viewfinder if things are working, but we got some AMAZING stuff I’m super excited to share once he finishes editing.

Drove home last night (sunday) however there was a HUGE monsoon stormfront. I’m glad becuase we need the rain desperately but for like an hour I had periods of almost no visibility (doing 40mph in a 75 zone with hazards on) and there was up to 2 inches of water on the road surface. So I stopped in a rest stop to nap for 2 hours until it cleared up. But I also hate naps and then slept weird once I got home at 3:30am so now I’m in a weird exhausted haze but also still kinda wired rip. But! Fun times and very much looking forward to a nice hot shower now that I’ve eaten and had an hour to just sit and breathe.

#ramblings #long post (if u click thru anyway)#my stuff #wanderings #im sooooo excited for the pics #i have some bad phone pics of the comp screen of the unedited shots but not posting anything online until i get the real ones of course #but im heart_eyes_emoji #i love to be part of Art #my modeling #me

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violetwolfraven · 4 years ago

Text

Ray Molina: Best Dad Ever

For the March 11th explosion of content thing. Just Violet being a fantom and doing my part for this!

Tw: mentioned death, mentioned abusive parents, mentioned panic attack.

So the boys can be seen and heard when directly touching Julie after the whole post-Orpheum glowy hug thing but Ray doesn’t know that just yet.

What he does know is that Julie’s mental health took a rapid turn for the better for seemingly no reason and then a couple weeks later he found out she joined a band without telling him.

He’s not stupid. He knows that’s probably because of the band, though he is a bit confused as to how she even met them.

He kinda figures it’s a kids and your internet tricks thing but there’s some flaws to this theory.

1) He asks Flynn what she knows about the boys only... it seems like she doesn’t know much of anything. That’s weird because he knows Julie tells her practically everything.

2) The boys have American accents despite Julie claiming they’re from Sweden.

3) Carlos is a terrible liar and on the rare occasion Julie actually talks about the boys he gets this weirdly conspiratorial look.

So anyway Ray doesn’t really believe it’s as simple as ‘I met these 3 Swedish boys on the internet’ but he trusts his daughter’s judgement and he leaves it alone.

Anyway he has other things to focus on.

Such as how Ray has literally never been able to keep track of his keys/phone/hats/camera parts/stuff and now it seems to just pop up whenever he’s looking for it.

Also he keeps feeling like there’s someone with him around the house more and more.

Like not a malicious presence like Victoria fears, and definitely not like Rose is around watching him, but like someone is there.

Sometimes it feels like there’s more than one presence around. None of them familiar but all of them friendly.

Oddly enough, whatever or whoever it is feels almost like Julie or Carlos. Young and excitable and like a verse of a happy song. He’s not sure why they’re around, but they definitely don’t feel dangerous, so Ray doesn’t feel threatened.

But some days a better comparison might be to Trevor back when Rose first introduced him. Raw and fragile and very, very sad.

Ray tries to put on happy music or a Disney cartoon or something on those days and he doesn’t quite know why or how but the energy usually gets more positive when he does that.

Anyway after a while of this (after the Orpheum performance) he starts noticing weird things that Carlos and Julie do now.

Carlos will just carry around a small whiteboard and a couple pens and he erases it whenever Ray comes into the room but before he does it almost looks like there’s two, three, or even four sets of handwriting on there.

And he walks in on Julie talking to herself like. All the time.

Carlos doesn’t ask for help on his math homework anymore. Julie makes this insanely good chicken recipe for dinner once and then clearly panics and lies when asked where she got it. Flynn makes a set of rainbow friendship bracelets one day while she’s hanging out at the Molina house but he doesn’t see Julie wearing the match to the one she keeps.

Plus Carrie starts hanging out at their house again?? Out of the blue?? And none of the girls have a good explanation for how they made up??

Then later Nick Danforth-Evans (who Julie used to talk about having a crush on but hasn’t in a while) starts hanging around too and the kid seems... well, Ray doesn’t want to throw the word ‘traumatized’ around, but he’s jumpy and guarded in a way that can only be described as a little bit traumatized.

So all 5 kids are clearly keeping some secret and Ray’s getting suspicious and worried.

He sits them down and asks what’s going on. Like is one of them having problems at home, or..?

The kids, simultaneously:

Julie: no, we’re just all in a play together!

Carlos: we’re fine we’re just ghost hunting!

Flynn: we’re exhibiting bisexual-pansexual-lesbian solidarity!

Carrie: Julie and the Phantoms and Dirty Candi are doing a collaboration album!

Nick: we all joined jazz band??

Ray’s calling bullshit at this point.

Then Julie and Nick both look up directly at the same spot, somewhere a couple feet above the arm of the couch, which is seemingly just empty air.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem like the other kids can see it but they all seem to be waiting for something and Ray is wondering if they’re sharing a hallucination??? Are they all on drugs??? Should he be worried???

Then Julie says to meet them in the studio in 30 minutes. Flynn, Carrie, and Nick go home to give the Molina family some alone time.

*cue music performance where Ray is introduced to the boys*

So anyway Julie and Carlos (with the help of the ghosts whenever one of them has something to say and grabs Julie’s hand) give him a clearly-sugarcoated version of the last few months.

Ghosts of Trevor’s dead bandmates help Julie reconnect with music, they form a band, they meet another ghost, other ghost accidentally gets them involved with evil magician ghost, Nick got possessed, Carrie figured it out and helped plot to get him un-possessed, evil magician ghost is still out there and they’re sticking together so he can’t get any of them in the future.

Despite how they say it like it’s no big deal, Ray now understands why the kids have been acting so weird because all these things sound scary and painful.

Also the more he thinks about it, the more he worries about the fact that he has three 17-year-old boys sleeping in his garage who died terribly of food poisoning.

They are children and they died incredibly painfully and then almost got enslaved and/or erased from existence.

Then one day Ray’s feeling one of those presences around the house again and he realizes it’s probably one of Julie’s ghost boys.

Ray: who’s there?

Whoever it is freaks out and leaves, and Ray takes notes for next time.

The next time he feels someone in the room, he has a notepad ready and he writes down “Luke, Alex, or Reggie?” from what he remembers from Julie’s introductions.

Immediately, there’s a spike of anxiety in the room.

Ray: it’s okay. You can stay and we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I’d like to know who it is I’m not talking to though.

There’s a few seconds of hesitation, and then the pen picks itself up and the name “Reggie” gets circled.

Ray: the bassist with the flannels, right?

Yeah, written in a teenage boy’s messy scrawl.

Ray: okay, do you want to watch a movie?

More hesitation, and Ray’s not sure what that’s about but he’s starting to suspect with the amount of fear still in the room, and there’s a good 20 seconds where Reggie doesn’t respond before I don’t know.

Ray: Moana or Tangled? Moana.

After that, he takes a page out of Carlos’s book and gets a small whiteboard with 3 pens that stick to it magnetically. Red for Reggie, blue for Luke, and pink for Alex.

Reggie has written conversations with him most, but Luke does sometimes too and Alex does least often but he’ll still request a movie occasionally.

All of them are wary around him and Ray doesn’t quite know what to do to earn their trust. But he asks questions about their preferences on things. He says they did good on their latest show. He remembers which movies are their favorites and introduces them to music he thinks are their styles.

Luke is a big fan of Fall Out Boy and Reggie fucking loves Taylor Swift.

Alex is less consistent but occasionally Ray will play a song and he’ll write something like This is a cool song.

He starts to be able to tell which energy is which even before they write who it is right around the time the boys start to be visible for longer and longer after playing.

They play a really good show and stay visible for like 2 full days and that’s the first (but not the last) time Ray really gets to get to know them.

He starts noticing after really good shows like that one how even more now that they can be seen, they’re all a little... off from how Nick and Carrie and Flynn act around him.

With Luke it’s mostly because he’s trying so hard to impress because *gasp* he and Julie are a thing but there’s still a little bit of tension that seems like it comes from something deeper than just being nervous around his girlfriend’s dad.

With Reggie it’s subtle caution. Like he’s happy to be hanging out with Ray but he’s constantly ready for something to go wrong. There’s a catch in his smile, a hesitation before he states an opinion, a practiced carefulness where he changes the subject at any sign of even mild frustration.

But with Alex... it’s mostly just avoidance. Like if he poofs in while visible and it just so happens that no one else is there, he’ll find an excuse to leave.

And Ray lets him, of course. He doesn’t want the kid to feel trapped. But all of the boys’ behavior bothers him.

On the rare occasion they spend more than 2 seconds together Alex is really quiet. He won’t admit if Ray guessed wrong about a song and he doesn’t like it even though his body language makes it clear he’s not vibing with it. Actually, his body language pretty much just spells I am very uncomfortable in every situation where Julie or Carlos went to the bathroom or someone went to grab a snack and they’re alone even for 5 minutes while he’s visible.

Ray’s not stupid. He knows three 17-year-olds don’t end up getting their instruments left to their only living bandmate’s new best friend’s family by having good relationships with their own families.

He doesn’t exactly want to bring it up, but he kind of knows.

Then one day he’s sitting with all 3 boys watching a movie while he fixes something on his camera and Julie and Carlos are at school and he messes up a little part that means he has to start over (don’t @ me I know nothing about cameras) and swears out of frustration louder than he meant to.

He reaches for the screwdriver on the coffee table and

And Reggie and Alex both flinch.

Ray hadn’t even noticed they were tracking his movements, but while Luke seems to just have moved his focus from the TV to his friends in concern, Alex and Reggie both look too tense to play it off.

He figures its as good a time as any to have a chat cause these boys aren’t his sons but they don’t have anyone else acting as a parent figure to them and he feels the need to take care of them. He pauses the movie.

Ray: Can we have a talk? About you boy’s families?

Naturally Luke jumps in to try to distract him immediately, telling a story about his dad taking him fishing once, but he stops when Ray asks him to stop.

Ray: That’s not what I’m talking about and I think you all know it.

The boys are all still silent. Luke looks 500% ready to deflect again. Reggie and Alex look more like they’re expecting to get yelled at or worse.

Ray: I just want to help. I’ll drop it if you want me to but I want you to know that I would never do something to hurt any of you intentionally. You can talk to me about anything if you need to.

He means to make it an option of ‘you can talk but you don’t have to if you don’t want to,’ but the boys clearly don’t take it as such with how Luke starts talking immediately.

Luke: I ran away when I was 17. My mom and dad didn’t want me to stay in Sunset Curve, I think they thought it was going to get me into drugs or something.

They have a short talk about parents having good intentions not equalling them being right to push Luke so hard they pushed him away and it’s okay to feel hurt by that and then press play on the movie again and Ray thinks he sees all 3 boys relax somewhat during that.

A couple weeks later Reggie comes in visible and hesitantly asks about watching this series he saw when Carlos was scrolling through Netflix once.

Mid-episode he blurts out

Reggie: I don’t want to look for my parents and I feel weird about that.

He rambles for a while about knowing he was lucky that his family had money and his mom and dad told him they loved him and stuff but also he remembers so many fights between them where he felt caught in the middle and it never ended well if he chose a side but there was no way to win because they’d both turn on him if he didn’t so it was just this constant balancing act to try to prevent fights in the first place.

Reggie: I felt like I was walking on a tightrope. Like, all the time. I tried so hard to keep them from getting mad at each other or at me. Only it never worked and it was always a question of when they were going to snap next and it was confusing cause one day we’d go to the zoo and everything would be fine and the next they’d yell at me and send me to bed without food.

He feels guilty for not wanting to put in the effort to find them because he’s pretty sure on some level they did love him but he doesn’t want to see them again.

And he doesn’t want to know if they even miss him at all because when he got older and the fighting got too intense he would sneak off to Luke’s or Bobby’s and no matter if he stayed away for an hour or a couple days they never seemed to notice he was gone.

Ray listens and a lot of things about Reggie start to make sense. How he’s so careful not to catch him in a bad mood. How he shuts down whenever anyone raises their voice. How he helps out so much in an effort to stay on Ray’s good side.

It’s a day and a half after the latest show so they can’t really hug but Ray does what he can to provide comfort and validate his feelings anyway because damn Reggie is a good kid and he didn’t deserve that.

Reggie and Luke get more comfortable with coming to him for meaningful chats, or even just to vent about whatever’s going on lately.

Eventually they seem to feel almost as comfortable with him as Julie and Carlos do so it kinda becomes a routine.

Like Julie will ask for cuddles when she’s sad about missing Rose or she’ll walk in and vent about Carrie and Flynn being so obvious about liking each other but somehow not realizing it’s mutual and she and Nick are 3rd wheeling and going insane.

Carlos will excitedly ramble about his latest baseball practice shenanigans for an hour but also sometimes ask for someone to watch old home movies or listen to old CDs from Rose and the Petal Pushers with him.

And that’s normal. That’s been Ray’s life since his kids started talking. But the thing is that it’s just as normal when

When Luke tells how he’s still angry about his music getting stolen because it feels like a part of him was taken away and he worked hard on those songs. Also one day he very shyly admits

Luke: I like Julie a lot.

Ray: I know, kiddo.

Luke: You’re not mad?

Ray: As long as you two make each other happy, no. I’m happy for you.

And it’s just as normal when Reggie talks about missing his little cousin Kelsi and wondering where she ended up only for them to look her up and find out she’s a major Broadway writer/director now oh my god— and also

Reggie: I think I like boys. Like boys are cute. But I know I’m not gay because girls are cute too and ugh it’s confusing it’s probably nothing I guess everybody goes through this.

Ray: Have you ever thought you might be bisexual?

Reggie: Bi-what-now?

Ray, already digging out his old flannels that he would have passed down to Julie except they’re too big for her: It’s okay to like both, kiddo.

All this is great of course. It’s great how Reggie and Luke aren’t afraid anymore and they feel validated and seen and listened to.

But months have passed and Ray notices how Alex remains separate. He still avoids Ray when he can and stays quiet and cautious when he can’t.

Like Ray still senses Alex around him sometimes but never right after a show when he’s visible. He doesn’t come to him with problems. He’ll stay and listen when Ray plays a song he thinks he’d like, but he still seems so cautious and Ray doesn’t know how to help.

He asks Luke one day while he’s introducing him to a Wicked bootleg if he’s done something specific to scare Alex away.

Luke gets this really dark look on his face and he just

Luke: Let’s just say that my parents didn’t do everything perfectly, but they’re saints compared to Alex’s.

Ray decides to drop it, but Luke wants to reassure him.

Luke: You haven’t done anything wrong. He’s just not very comfortable around most adults in general. It’s one thing when we’re invisible, but...

Ray: I just wish I could help.

Luke: You do help. But it took a while for Alex to trust me.

The conversation ends there because Luke starts getting really into Defying Gravity.

But then that night Julie comes in with a kind of out of character movie request so Ray thinks Luke talked to her.

Because Julie does not like most romcoms that aren’t musicals. She gets bored. But she requests Love, Simon anyway.

Ray kind of sees what she’s trying to do there because now that he’s thinking about it the boys haven’t really seen many things with queer rep. Especially not queer main characters.

And nobody’s really told him that Alex is gay but cmon he’s an elder bi. He has accurate gaydar so he can support his queer ducklings.

Despite how the boys all know being gay is more socially acceptable now (they found out about Nick’s dads and the girls gave them the ‘gay marriage is legal now’ talk) they still seem kind of baffled by how there’s an entire romcom centered around a gay boy and it did well.

From there Ray tries to find more movies and tv shows with canon queer representation.

And he keeps giving Alex space but also trying his best to show him that he’s not like his parents.

For a long time nothing changes beyond Luke and Reggie getting increasingly comfortable with him.

Well that’s not completely true actually cause Reggie starts tagging along to photo shoots and becomes Ray’s unofficial mostly invisible assistant.

Then the band plays an amazing show and the boys stay visible for a full week.

Around the middle of that week, Ray goes out to the garage to find Reggie and see if he wants to come on a photo shoot.

Reggie isn’t out there but Alex is.

And he’s crying. Hard.

He looks like he’s going to poof out when he sees Ray there but Ray’s already 100% ready to do exactly what he always does when he walks in on Julie or Carlos crying.

Ray: Alex. Hey, buddy, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.

Alex freezes and it breaks Ray’s heart how that kind of concern is clearly not what he’s expecting.

Ray: Are you okay with being touched?

Alex looks kind of like he’s in shock but he nods.

He clearly doesn’t really know what to do with it but he kind of melts into it when Ray hugs him and he just sobs on his shoulder.

When he’s stopped crying enough he starts rambling about how he’s been looking everywhere but he can’t find Willie.

At that point he’s basically having a panic attack so finding out what’s wrong takes a backseat compared to calming him down and Ray knows how to do that because he and Rose used to do that for Trevor all the time.

Ray: Alex, breathe. In for 4 counts, hold for 7, out for 8. Breathe with me.

It takes a couple minutes until Alex has calmed down enough, but once he does, Ray asks what’s wrong and what’s happening with Willie.

He only vaguely knows who Willie is from what he’s been told by the other kids but he knows he’s important to Alex.

So Alex takes a deep breath and explains that Caleb confronted him and basically said the boys had to join his house band or he would make sure he’d never see Willie again. And he doesn’t want to ask his family to sacrifice themselves for him but he doesn’t want to lose the boy he loves either.

Ray wants to throw hands but from what the kids have told him about Caleb, he has a better idea.

Ray: Here’s what we’re gonna do, buddy. Reggie said Caleb has this super catchy number, The Other Side of Hollywood?

Alex: Yeah?

Ray: How quickly do you think Luke and Julie could come up with an arrangement for you four to cover that and how desperate do you think Covington would be to make sure a video of that never gets published without crediting him?

Alex: :o

Spoiler alert: Julie and Luke, in collaboration with Carrie, can come up with an arrangement very quickly.

They do a private performance of it and film it and basically blackmail Caleb into letting Willie go.

Willie has an empty house that used to be his parents’ that he still considers his so he mostly crashes there if he needs to. Also he loves skating around so much that he never stays in one place for very long.

Julie can see him but she can’t make him visible so it’s a little odd but Ray gets an orange pen for him for the whiteboard and he finds skateboarding videos and stuff for when he visits.

They eventually figure out that he can be part of the magic by adding him to the band so they give him a tambourine and yay now Willie can be seen but that’s later.

The biggest immediate change to come out of all this is Alex.

He’s not afraid of Ray anymore for the most part (healing isn’t linear and he can’t help a few bad days) and he starts actually talking to him. Not about serious stuff but he’s talking. Mostly just rambling about how Willie makes him feel or how Luke and Reggie have been being annoying lately.

Then one day he comes in really nervous and says something about Reggie saying he talked to Ray about his parents.

And Ray confirms it and asks if there’s anything Alex needs to tell him.

Alex sits down and clearly he’s been holding this in for a long time and he just unloads how he came out to his parents because his youngest sister found his diary and he was scared she’d tell them. They didn’t react well and when he cried out of fear and frustration his father... gave him something to cry about.

His father did that a few more times, trying to ‘make him man up,’ and Alex never told his bandmates but he always knew they could see the bruises and that was why Bobby made it so clear his garage was open and his house was a safe place to run.

But Alex didn’t no matter how bad things got because he guessed some small part of him thought he deserved it but mostly it was about how his oldest sister dropped out of college and ghosted the family and Alex was the next-oldest so he felt responsible for protecting his younger sisters even if they both had learned behaviors from their parents and hated him.

Then that summer he found out his parents were planning on sending him away to some Christian camp where they’d ‘fix’ him.

Alex made it clear that he wouldn’t go and if they tried to make him he’d run away, but their ultimatum was that he couldn’t live under their roof if he was gay.

So he didn’t. And it was a situation somewhere between getting kicked out and running away, but he packed a bag and never went back.

He ran to Bobby’s house, he wrote a whole bunch of angry songs, and he tried not to think too much about how he understood why his older sister left and how he was doing the exact same thing to his younger sisters.

By the time he’s done explaining everything Ray’s trying not to cry but Alex is definitely already crying mostly out of anger.

Alex: I hated them all. I hated Molly for leaving me and I hated my mom for turning my little sisters against me and I hated my dad for hurting me and I even hated Anna and Josie for not standing by me and I just hated them all so much. I still do. And it is so stupid that I feel guilty for that because they were terrible to me and I was 16 and I didn’t deserve that but I do feel guilty for it because they’re my family and I hate them.

Ray doesn’t have much to say because damn this is heavy stuff but he assures him that after what he went through he has a right to hate his blood family.

Alex tells him awkwardly when he’s calmed down a bit that Luke is the only other person he’s ever told about all this, because after he ran away they dated for a few months before figuring out that they were better as friends.

Reggie and Bobby guessed parts of it and Julie probably has too but none of them have asked and Alex thinks he might tell Reggie and Julie someday if it ever comes up but he never did end up telling Bobby.

Ray assures him that he won’t tell anyone and also that he would never do that. He would never do anything to hurt Alex or the others on purpose.

He makes a silent promise that no one will ever hurt one of his kids like that again and if Caleb or anyone else ever tries, they will regret it.

But anyway on to happier matters.

Willie visits a lot and he’s a little skittish around Ray but he loosens up after he jokingly mentions one time that Willie and Alex are like the beginning of the Sk8ter Boy song.

Alex and Ray might be Denim Jacket Buddies but once Ray digs his old leather jacket out of the closet he becomes Leather Jacket Buddies with Reggie.

You’d think he has to tell Carlos and Reggie off the most for breaking things but he doesn’t. It’s Carlos and Luke.

Also Ray doesn’t consider himself an overprotective dad but Julie and Luke are not allowed to be alone in a room with the door closed.

Neither are Alex and Willie technically but it’s harder to enforce it when they’re both ghosts.

Lmao all the kids follow the rules anyway because they love Ray and he’s not being unreasonable.

He helps Julie in her plot to get Carrie and Flynn together and also he helps Nick plan how to make a move on that cute boy on his lacrosse team.

Because Nick loves his dads but they’re disaster gays. Neither of those men can properly flirt. They fell in love because of a baseball rivalry and Nick doesn’t trust their advice.

Pride month rolls around and Julie makes sure to book a big gig the day before the parade so the boys will be visible and tangible.

Trevor’s on tour and can’t get away and Flynn’s parents are working and Nick’s are busy too so Ray finds himself escorting this whole little gaggle of various queer ducklings to pride.

Carlos isn’t quite sure what he is yet so he’s just got a rainbow flag painted on his cheek and a shirt that says I love my bi sister on it.

Julie’s all decked out in the bi colors, complete with ribbons braided into her hair and a flag to use as a cape. She made the tutu herself and it took her hours but it turned out really good.

Luke’s got a tank top with the pan colors and a trans flag as a cape and also yknow face paint of course.

Reggie browsed thrift shops everywhere until he found a flannel in the bi colors and he’s got that along with pink purple and blue laces in his combat boots and what Ray is really hoping is temporary dye and not spray paint in his hair.

Alex has a rainbow shirt that matches Willie’s and matching bracelets with Flynn. Also he painted rainbow hearts on his cheeks and put a lot of effort into them and they look really symmetrical.

Willie’s of course matching shirts with Alex and also he has sparkly rainbow socks and a flag to use as a cape.

Carrie’s got a whole ensemble in the lesbian colors complete with a pride wig and also matching necklaces with Flynn.

Flynn’s matching colors with Carrie but more in her style with of course matching jewelry with the people closest to her. She’s got friendship bracelets corresponding to Alex and Julie.

Nick’s got a pan tshirt and a fedora with a ribbon in pink yellow and blue plus face paint cause all of them have face paint. Nothing too crazy.

Meanwhile Ray’s got a bi bandanna and one of those shirts that’s like Free Dad Hugs.

Plus everyone did each other’s nails with varying degrees of success the night before and Julie did Ray’s so they turned out good.

Nick’s lacrosse buddies and the rest of Dirty Candi are around somewhere but they didn’t ride in the same car so they’re not that relevant.

They party. Celebrate being alive. Idk I’ve never gotten to go to pride.

And afterwards they all go back to the Molina house and the couch isn’t really big enough for all of them but it’s okay it’s not like they know how to sit correctly anyway.

They all kind of pile together and cuddle and watch movies until Flynn and Nick’s parents can come pick them up.

And Ray just looks around and realizes that

Sure only 2 of them are his biologically

And 3 of the others have good parent(s) who are actively a part of their lives

The remaining 4 are technically dead

But he has 9 children and he’s totally fine with that.

Cause he’s Ray Molina: best dad ever.

Victoria’s head is going to explode when she finds out that not only is the Molina house really haunted, but he’s adopted the ghosts.

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shemakesmusic-uk · 4 years ago

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This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

Bayleigh Cheek

Dallas native Bayleigh Cheek began her love affair with music at an early age thanks to her immersive upbringing. Both parents were in the music scene, exposing her to a variety of sounds ranging from psychedelic and folk to progressive rock and new wave. Some of her personal music influences include Patti Smith, P.J. Harvey, Radiohead, and Angel Olsen. Those influences led to the creation of her EP, Immortals, that was self-released in early 2020 which brought her DOMA nominations for Best New Artist and Best EP. Her latest single is ‘Release Me’. "This song is about what it means to realize you've believed a lie, or false identity of yourself, and the process of becoming free from it and knowing the truth,” explains Bayleigh. “Growing up listening to a range of genres, from psychedelic and folk to progressive rock and new wave, ‘Release Me’ opened my eyes to the world of synths and everything electronics can provide to create a whole new universe of sound. Taking something seemingly fun and cheerful on the outside, and revealing something deeper on the inside. Before I started writing my upcoming debut album, I decided to be more vulnerable, honest and raw. I've hidden behind surrealism, which is still a big part of my art and always will be, but in light of the pandemic, I felt I needed to really let myself be open and not hide anymore. I'm becoming the person I've always wanted to become, and art will always be there as gentle reminders." Listen below.

Bayleigh Cheek · Release Me

Cozy Slippers

Cozy Slippers have released their first new music since 2019’s single ‘A Million Pieces’ b/w ‘Will You Disappear?’ (Kleine Untergrund Schallplatten) and the band’s tour of the United Kingdom. Like everyone else, the Seattle indie band had to adapt to the challenges of 2020 and beyond. ‘When Will When Come?’ is the first release to come from a year’s worth of home recordings done by the band. “We started from scratch. We didn’t have any gear and hadn’t really thought about recording ourselves before. It was so great to escape the stressful outside world for a while by recording and meeting on Zoom to put it all together,” explains vocalist and bassist Sarah Engel. While the band couldn’t be in the same room at the same time, they made use of samples from their prior recordings in order to stamp their sound and personality on the song. “We did whatever we could to get this thing recorded. Some of the vocals I recorded into my phone while sitting alone in my car or late at night when everybody else was asleep. It was a challenge to find space to be creative and alone time to make the recording happen during the past year,” remembers drummer and vocalist Barbara Barrilleaux. The track was mixed by Dylan Wall (Versing, Great Grandpa, and High Sunn). Lyrically, ‘When Will When Come?’ is a plea from one person to another to embrace life’s messy possibilities -- to live before it is too late. Instead of participating in their own life, the subject of the song stares out a window and fantasizes about pink flamingos. “I remember the first time I heard Sarah singing the lyrics. I thought the idea of somebody daydreaming about traveling to see flamingos was weirdly sad. Flamingos look cool, but the world has a lot of other things I’d want to see before a bunch of birds. It seemed poignant to have such a relatively small wish and still be unwilling to make it reality,” recalls guitarist Steven Skelton. Listen below.

Cozy Slippers · When Will When Come?

Everstill

New York-based alternative rock band Everstill have released ‘In Your Dreams,’ their first single off their debut album, Longing. Singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Sara Aridi (vocals, bass, guitars, keys) weaves her melodic guitars and haunting vocal harmonies with percussionist Luca Bertaglia’s pulsating drums to evoke sounds that are at once melancholic and euphoric. The group draws from disparate influences and genres including grunge, indie rock, jazz, metal, folk and more. ‘In Your Dreams,’ recalls artists like Warpaint, Wolf Alice and Chelsea Wolfe. Aridi wrote the song — something of a seductive plea to an unknowing crush — in 2015. A year later she met Bertaglia while playing in an alt-prog band, and the pair reconnected in early 2020 to bring her songs to life. They found themselves working on their debut album during the pandemic. Listen to ‘In Your Dreams’ below.

Everstill · In Your Dreams

No Lore

No Lore is unlike any other indie alt-pop duo. It all started when Manila-based visual artist Tita Halaman decided to make music out of her paintings and poetry with her brother Jerald. As an artist, she wants to elevate her audience’s experience by expounding the message of her paintings through the art of words and sound. No Lore’s goal is to continuously release a new song with a painting every month and to publish a book out of it. The band name No Lore comes from the concept of having no formal studies in visual art, music, and poetry. Both Tita Halaman and Jerald are self-taught and everything is D.I.Y. from ideation to audio and video production. New single ‘With Little Light’ is “a song about courage,” explains Tita. “I believe there is no such thing as complete darkness to a soul that thrives to seek for “light” everywhere. With all that’s happening these days, I hope that we can still see hope no matter how little it may seem. Hope prevails if we believe. I’m a visual artist here in the Philippines and my signature style is writing poems at the back of my paintings,” she continues of her creative process. “On top of that, me and my brother Jerald are also into music - we’ve been playing together and learning different instruments since we were kids. No Lore is our attempt to create a layered expression of our emotions. I’d say our songs are my art and poetry, but in sonic form. Every song is inspired by a specific painting of mine and the latter serves as the former’s cover art.” Listen to ‘With Little Light’ below.

Another Nguyen

Ngoc-Anh is a Vietnamese German independent artist from Berlin performing under the name Another Nguyen. She has just released her new single ‘My Friend’ which was entirely written, produced, mixed and mastered by women. She says of the song: “I wrote this song after a friend of mine opened up to me that her long-term partner was physically abusive towards her. Hearing her story was shocking because I had always perceived them as a very happy couple. With this song I want to tell my friend and anyone who has experienced intimate partner violence that "I see you" and "You are not alone". Listen below.

ANOTHER NGUYEN · My Friend

Noni A.

‘20s’ is the new single from the Berlin-based artist Noni A. Written in her bedroom and turned into a chill pop production by her brother, ‘20s’ talks about the aspects in your twenties that happen in the background but are not often addressed. 21-year-old singer-songwriter Noni A was born and raised in Prague in a German-Greek household. In 2020 Noni A. released her debut single ‘Losing Game’, an acoustic pop ballad. Currently based in Berlin, Noni dives into a different sonic direction in her new music. Inspired by the sound of Jeremy Zucker, Audrey Mika and Quinn XCII, Noni A. blends emotionally honest and unreserved lyrics with a clean and minimalist chill pop production. With her new single ‘20s’, Noni A. takes a new sonic direction. '20s' dives into the chill pop scene, including lo-fi elements, more samples, underlined by a strong beat. "I walked into my kitchen one evening and had absolutely no motivation to clean it,” says Noni A. “Apparently when you’re 20 that becomes a regular activity (cheers to my mom for letting me live blissfully unaware of this and cleaning up my stuff too). This realisation of my day-to-day life as a 20-something-year-old turned into the inspiration of '20s'. This song talks about all those things that everyone experiences in their twenties that happen in the background of our lives: moving out of your hometown, adjusting to life on your own, procrastinating (if you say you don't procrastinate, stop lying) and learning how to use your washing machine (in my opinion a straight-up mystery)." Listen below.

Noni A. · NONI A - 20s

Chrissie Huntley

One of Bristol’s most promising new artists, Chrissie Huntley has released her brand new single, ‘Supposed to Be’. Huntley decided to use the time granted by national lockdowns to her advantage. Collaborating with musicians across the globe and transforming her closet into a home studio, Chrissie has spent the past year equipping herself with a brand new body of work to return to the stage with later in 2021. ‘Supposed to Be’ is the first of a series of single releases set for release this year, and is one that the Brit School graduate holds close to her heart: “‘Supposed to Be’ is one of the first songs I ever wrote when I was a teenager and I just got dumped by the guy who I thought was supposed to be “the one”. I think we’ve all been in that position where you know that it’s over, but you just want to hold on and pretend just a little while longer…” Recorded in Bristol with upcoming songwriter and producer Laurence Fazakerley Buglass, the track demonstrates why Chrissie’s effortless vocals have had such an effect on her audience to date. Working with rising producers Jon Will, Gabriel Gifford (Harvey Causon, Maya Law, Lucy Lu) and Peter Beckmann (Gregory Porter, Laura Mvula, Marie Dahlstrom) to bring the song to life; ‘Supposed to Be’ is the perfect balance of collective ingenuity, creativity and talent... mixed with the exposed, emotional honesty that comes with having your heart broken. “... It’s a very vulnerable track I suppose. It was very raw at the time of writing and I never had any intention of releasing it- it was more like a therapy to me than anything else. But, seven years later and here we are! Releasing this as an introduction to my new sound seemed like the perfect fit, as it holds the part of me that first turned to music at a time where I was struggling, which went on to become the entire premise of my musical journey..." Listen below.

Karen Harding

Weaving enchanting melodies straight from the heart, Karen Harding crafts, intimate heartfelt tracks that help us become ones with ourselves. The kind of one-to-one soul conversations that dig deep into our hearts and wake emotions once thought long gone. She specializes in helping people shed away their insecurities and finally feel again in a special moment of true authenticity. Drawing from a lifetime of experience, the Melbourne-based singer crafts bittersweet melodies that move and inspire. She gorgeously crafts an entire experience with every timeless track she creates. The emerging singer has just released her debut track ‘I Didn’t Realise’. The heartbreak ballad talks on the struggle of an earth shatteringly painful breakup in a way so intimate it feels like we’re right there with her. It’s a reflective song that navigates us through every raw emotion during the healing process; from processing the pain to finally coming to terms with what’s happened. Truly a breath-taking journey that will leave you with a deep sense of wonder. The song was passionately penned in the peak of Covid-19 on a piano she played growing up. Like much of her music it came to her very organically. She had the chords already laid out and the words just flowed out of her soul naturally. It wasn’t created with the intention of being turned into a record. Rather it was a simple moment of self-expression based on the way she currently felt. The result is something deeply authentic that’s oozing in originality. She worked with acclaimed producer Josh Hennessy of Pivotal Music to bring the project to life. He helped add the magic to this simplistic yet innovative piano and vocal track. Listen below.

KarenHarding · I Didn't Realise

#submission saturday #bayleigh cheek #cozy slippers #everstill #no lore #another nguyen #noni a.#chrissie huntley #karen harding

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pawnshopsouls · 4 years ago

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Iiits a love bomb time! I love your work; your writing is so beautiful and it makes me so happy to read! I hope you have a fantastic day and you know that you're loved!

//Hhhhhh— //Ok Anon I just want to let you know //that I needed this today.

//Bc amidst the uncertainty and anxiety I’m facing irl this year, and my fears leaking into my rp stuff, it’s been really difficult trying to reconnect with people that I lost contact with without hoping I don’t come off as weird, awkward, or w/e. (these fears having been weirdly paralyzing as of late for some reason???)

//Anyways, I’m really glad you like my work and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you letting me know! It really helps when days get hectic and honestly I hope you know you’re loved and have an amazing day too!!

#ooc #¢::OutOfSpooks::¢#anon #positivity #//hhhhhh thank you anon! may you have a blessed day too! ;u; <3 #Anonymous #¢::Passin'Gossip::¢

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roughlytwentytwofrogs · 4 years ago

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Damn now it got me thinking about what happened this year. It feels like yesterday it was 2019 but also like 20 years ago.

I reconnected with my grandparents i hadn't seen in 9 years in the first few months, came out to them early march.

I got forced to take a loan for my drivers license, right before covid, without a job to pay it back, because the other option was, well, the street. Haven't even finished my license yet, because of confinement, and she's still threatening me every now and then so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Made peace with the fact that I'm gay and not bi. And started thinking about my identity more as well.

Had my first trip to the hospital with that. And got introduced to hospital food too lmao.

Saw my father once and got decked in the face, at least it was funny to see how immature he still is. Also learned a few things about my mother, always good to know it's not just me yaknow. The whole thing with her blog and the shit that happened with it. Lmfao.

And a whole bunch of shit about finally finding what i wanna do, getting with the mission locale to get help with my professional project, meeting some cool people online and stuff like that. Without even talking about the whole covid thing.

Overall, professionally and mentally, it's been one of the best years yet. Like. I've had the time to think about a lot of stuff, I've had the time to figure out a lot of stuff and I'm happy with it.

Now on the physical side I've had worse years but with the pain episodes in 2019 and early 2020, the confinement and now the stomah problem, i have lost a lot of muscle and strenght. Cardio too but that I'd assume it's a consequence of the surgery? I'm out of breath when i climb the stairs, but idk if i can go back to running just yet, I've had pains around my scars and inside around my liver too since last time i tried. Might have to talk about that to my doc at the post op visit, probably bit more than i could chew on the first workout or smtg. owie.

Idk it's a really bad year because all around me shit's going down. It's probably the worst year of so many people's lives, but not mine? It feels weirdly disconnected. I'm worried about the consequences on the societies and shit, ofc i am, but personally it was probably around the top years i had.

#i mean yeah i guess it's not that hard to beat the worst ones idk might be a factor #but it feels weird to hear people be like 2020 was awful #2020 was the year of big decisions for me i guess #hopefully 2021 will be the year of making them real

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thorongil82 · 5 years ago

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Going Round on a Ferris Wheel

Words: 2531

Fandom: MCU Spider-Man (Spideychelle)

Taglist: @petermjtexts (I did promise a while ago) @seek-rest (they say you write sad stuff, right?) @spideychelleforever (for the little bit you wrote for me before)

You can read on AO3 here

Summary: What few people knew was that Peter loves carnivals. Ever since he was a young boy, he's believed that they are a truly magical place. Sometimes they bring you joy. Sometimes they bring you sadness. Sometimes you can win a prize at every stall you can find. Sometimes you can lose every chunk of food you've eaten that day.

And sometimes you'll see something you'll never see again.

A/N: Ok, so I've been drinking this Valentine's night (not because I had no one to be with, but I did have no one to be with), and churned out most of this tonight. The other was based on something I was planning on anyway. I would apologise, especially considering the day, but if I really wanted to apologise I wouldn't post it. So, there's your warning. Read on!

*****

Anyone who knew Peter Parker; whether they be friends, Avengers, classmates, bodega owners, or villains who he had locked away as Spider-Man, knew that he was a very kind-hearted boy with a wonderful heart. Yes, he could get angry at times - usually if someone he cares about is threatened or hurt by another, or if a certain duo consisting of a bird-man with a shield and a metal armed man keep prodding into embarrassing moments. But, he's known for being smart, sweet and caring, willing to help a stranger in a moments notice. Hell, some people would believe that he could find something to love about anyone. However, there are a few things that Peter loves and cares for above all else.

One of those is his Aunt May, who had taken him in with his Uncle Ben. He owed so much to her as she and Ben raised him with love and care, doing everything they could, despite their dwindling financial situation – especially after Ben's death – to make his childhood life a happy one. And when she found out about his superhero life, instead of freaking out and stressing herself to death like he feared – though she did initially – she was willing to support and encourage him no matter the outcome. Sure, she still would worry for her nephew's safety, as would anyone. But, she was willing to back him up through thick and thin, so long as he believed what he was doing was right.

Another is his beautiful girlfriend, Michelle Jones. Former decathlon captain, protest organiser for several environmental and feminist issues, casual journalist, keen-eyed observer, and enthusiast of the morbid and macabre. He'd fallen for her shortly before Thanos' armies attacked Earth and had tried a few plans before the ill-fated trip to MoMA to try and tell her how he felt. However, after the utter calamity that was their S.H.I.E.L.D. Interrupted European trip, courtesy of the legendary Nick Fury and Maria Hill, they did finally get together as they confessed their knowledge of his identity and their lives where threatened by a charismatic fish-bowl wearing director of special effects.

What few people knew was that Peter loves carnivals. Ever since he was a young boy, he's believed that they are a truly magical place. Sometimes they bring you joy. Sometimes they bring you sadness. Sometimes you can win a prize at every stall you can find. Sometimes you lose every chunk of food you've eaten that day.

And sometimes you'll see something you'll never see again.

*****

As Peter wandered through the carnival, he couldn't help but feel lonely as he travelled through the stands all alone. Since he heard that a circus would be in the district roughly a month prior to their arrival, he had desperately wanted to bring MJ along to the festivities. However, he didn't know if it was possible, as MJ was oversees in Berlin for an exchange student program for her journalism course at NYU, and they weren't too sure when she would be coming back. Only a week ago did they know that she was meant to be coming back today, which sent Peter into a giddy fit trying to plan this wonderful surprise date out. As much as they would need to study for exams; Peter needing to nail the theory for his Advanced Nanotechnology unit and MJ needing to piece together her evaluations for her Journalism assignment based on the events going on in Berlin while she was there – a specialised exercise determined for those in the exchange program – he believed that a nice date night surrounded by the joyous energy, flashing lights and pulsing music would be a great way to relax and reconnect with one another. The fact that they had been video calling one another every single day meant nothing when it came to truly standing in each other's presence, holding onto each other.

When Michelle had first told Peter that she would be coming back today, the glorious information acquired as his Spider-Man persona about the circus and carnival was perfect. He was so excited to surprise her homecoming by bringing her out for a night of joyous adventure the likes of which only children could ever truly know. However, that plan went down the drain as they found out that her flight back had been cancelled, and the next flight was the following day. Seeing as there was nothing they could do, and that tonight was the last night of the carnival, Peter decided to go anyway. Who knows? Maybe he could find something to give to her there instead.

One by one Peter had made his way through the rides and prize stands; more the former than the latter. He had even won a reasonably (see oversized) rabbit that was cradling, beyond all luck, a bouquet of plastic black dahlias, from a hoop toss stand that had been rigged by the owner – though not expecting someone of his talents (see superpowers) to show him up – that he would bring to Michelle when she touched down. He had made his way though each of the rides, and finally all that remained was the Ferris Wheel.

While he stood at the end of the severely dwindling line, a slight chill tore through his body before he threw a hand out and caught a little stuffed Spider-Man toy that that been thrown at his head. Having caught the toy aimed at the back of his head, Peter turned around to see a somewhat solemn MJ smiling back at him with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, nowhere near the genuine grin that he had realised over the last few months she reserved just for him. His eyes glance slightly to the cane by her side, along with the slight reddish stain to her upper leg, before returning to her own eyes.

“MJ!” he cries out, running over to her – not completely registering her demeanour – and pulling her up into a tight hug, easily lifting her off the ground and spinning her round in his arms. “You said you weren't coming back today!”

“Well, I thought I'd surprise you,” she replies tersely, glancing around before he sets her back down. “Can't say I'm shocked to see you here.”

“I'm certainly surprised to see you!” he grins, turning towards the Ferris wheel. “Do you want to join me?”

When he turns back and holds out a hand to her, he observes as she glumly looks towards his hand before grabbing it with his. He does remember how she was never one for excessive PDA – no matter the situation – maybe she's still a little uncomfortable. However, as soon as her now unusually pale bronze skin touches his, a frosty chill crawls across his skin, sending him into a tense shudder.

“MJ, are you feeling well?” he asks, putting out the first thing that comes to mind. “Do you need to head home?”

Michelle replies with a simply shake of her head as her chilly grip tightens around his hand.

“I'm fine,” she answers, the grip growing more intimate as she wraps herself around his arm and rests her head against his shoulder. “I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be with you.”

Peter nods and they silently saunter to the front, MJ hobbling along with her cane as she leans more on her boyfriend, until finally they get to a carriage. When Peter hands the pimply teenage operator two tickets, he takes them with an odd glance back at the young adult, but lets the two on and they pile into a cart, the stuffed bunny sitting next to Peter and the Spider-Man plushie leaning against the back of the chair next to MJ.

“I used to love being on these things,” MJ confesses as the ride jerks to life, lurching round from its resting place as the wheel starts to spin. “My mother used to take me up all the time.”

She folds her arms on the edge of the open window and leans her chin on it, glancing down at the people below.

“We used to play a game,” she explained. “We'd pick out people in the crowd and pretend we were them, talking about anything stupid that we thought we could imagine happening in their lives.”

“Would you like to do that?” he asks, waiting tills she spins around to look at him. Unusually, he finds her looking back with a couple of tears trickling down her face.

“Are you okay?” he asks, getting a nod from her, even though it seems to manage to send a few more tears trickling down her cheeks. “MJ, you're crying.”

“A-Am I?” she stammers, her arms quickly reaching up and wiping away at her face. However, that fails to stop the tears from falling more and more.

“MJ?”

“I'm fine,” she whispers, a small sad smile gracing her face. “I just missed you … so much.”

“I missed you too,” he replies, grabbing her weirdly cold hands and cradling them in his own. While holding her hands, he tries to discreetly glance at the obviously wounded leg, the injury bleeding through her clothes. Nevertheless, MJ's ever keen eyes manage to pick up on his curious peek.

“I was shot.”

“What?!”

“Just before I flew out, a madman attacked the hotel I was staying at,” MJ explains, gripping onto the cane and shuffling over to Peter's side of the carriage. She winces as she steps down on her injured leg, managing to hold herself on the first before collapsing onto him on the second. With his help, she manages to make her way onto the seat next to him, slightly moving the rabbit across to make room.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“There wasn't anything you could do.”

“But MJ-”

“Peter!” she shouts back, getting him to wince and back up a little. Michelle takes a short breath before dropping her voice.

“There wasn't anything you could do,” she softly repeats. “We were on a completely different continent. Even if you got there, it would've still been too late.��

“But I could've helped-”

“You can't save everyone, Peter!” she says, looking away as her voice starts to break into a whisper. “You can't save everyone ...”

“MJ …”

The carriage falls into a small moment of silence as they rotate round past the apex, rounding into a decent.

“... Why were you here?” she asks gently, her eyes fixating itself onto a certain point on the floor she's noted to be extremely important to look at.

“Well, I was wanting to bring you here on a date,” Peter explains, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. “But, someone said they weren't coming tonight.”

“Says the guy who would drop into my room unannounced and leave a pool of blood on my carpet.”

“I mean, I could have died,” Peter said lively, trying to turn it into a joke. However, the smile on his face quickly fell as he saw that it didn't spread onto her beautiful face.

“Yeah … you could've ...”

“MJ ...”

“So ..” she perks up, clearing her throat, “why did you still come here?”

“Well, I figured I'd get you something,” he replies, gesturing to the stuffed rabbit. Her eyes roam across it in the usual disinterest that he's used to seeing her act with, until they come to the bouquet of her favourite murderous flowers. The straight poker face gives way to a simpering smile as she wraps her hands around the stuffed animal, burying her head into the flowers.

“You didn't have to,” she whispers, her voice starting to break again.

“I know,” Peter replies as he turns away, closing his eyes. “But I wante-”

The words die in his mouth as his lips are met by hers in a soft, gentle, yet desperate kiss, her lips wet and cold as he opens his eyes in surprise. The slight image of the tears once more trickling down her face, through her own closed eyes, sticks into his mind before he closes his eyes as well and leans into the kiss, pushing back into her for what feels like a life time before he feels her pull away.

“I love you, Peter,” he hears her whisper against his skin, sending it crawling from her tantalising breathe.

“Wait for me ...”

With the final whispering of MJs voice haunting his ears, Peter's eyes jerk open as the carriage sways to a stop at the bottom. Glancing around, there is no sign of anyone else in the cart with him; no MJ, no cane, and no stuffed rabbit. All that remains of any sign that MJ was ever in there with him is the Spider-Man plushie that she had thrown at his head, along with the damp speckles where her tears had fallen. Grabbing the plushie, Peter dashes out of the carriage and looks around, but cannot see a single small sign of Michelle anywhere that he looks. Glancing back, he approaches the glum teenager operating the Ferris wheel.

“Hey, did you see where the girl I was with went?”

“Girl?” he drones, taking the tickets for another couple clutching lovingly onto each others arms. “What girl, man?”

With a frustrated sigh, Peter turns away and takes off into the swarming crowd, trying to find his girlfriend. However, with the large bustling crowd, he cannot find even a single luscious hair from her head. When he tries to ring her phone, there's no response – the call going straight to voicemail. Leaving a message for her, he tries searching for her for several minutes before, tiredly, deciding to head home, still trying to ring her all the way back.

*****

Ned groggily wakes up to the sound of the TV running in the living room of his and Peter's shared apartment. Wrapping a fluffy dressing gown round his rotund body, he wearily staggers into the room to find the news sounding on the screen.

“Interpol have released details of the suspected terror attack in Berlin last night,” the news reporter relays. “The gunman, suspected to be linked with numerous terrorist organisations, attacked the Radisson Blu Hotel in the late hours of last night. Interpol have declared there were fifteen civilian casualties, along with seven individuals injured. Of those seven, three are in a critical condition.”

“Radisson Blu … Wasn't that where MJ was staying?” Ned mutters, before stopping as he hears a sobbing sound coming from the couch. Walking over, he finds Peter lying cross the couch, cradling a bloody Spider-Man plushie who's head has been shredded in a hole with something metallic shimmering deep within. Tears are flowing from his eyes as the superhero tightens his grip on the stuffed toy, holding it hard to his chest.

“Among the casualties is 21 year old Michelle Jones, a New York resident in Berlin as part of a transfer student program. Police explain she had been shot through the leg before being killed, and that they found her holding onto a large stuffed rabbit. For reasons they cannot explain, there was no blood on the rabbit. Her body will be flown back to be buried by her family.”

A/N: I did warn you … I'm sure some of you may hate me.

By all means, please let me know your thoughts. Doesn't matter if they're good, bad, constructive or what. I'd like to know what you think. And I promise that the next story I write will have a happier ending. Until then, adios!

#spider-man #spideychelle #peter parker #petermj #michelle jones #peter parker x michelle jones #peter x michelle #MCU fic #fanfiction #sad ending

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themetaphorgirl · 4 years ago

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Hi there my old friend 🙋‍♀️ its been literal years but I think we need a klaine drabble. Something happy and springtime?? Hope everything well with you and you're staying healthy!

this took me SO long and I wrote about a dozen variations, but I ended up rereading some of my old stuff and just got flooded with nostalgia, so...this happened.

----------

“All right, so get me caught up,” Blaine said. He linked his fingers through Kurt’s and squeezed. “I feel like I’ve missed so much while I’ve been gone.”

“Hold on, let me think,” Kurt said, swinging their clasped hands as they walked down the park trail. “Surprisingly, a lot has been happening in Lima while you were on tour.”

Blaine grinned. “Don’t worry, we’ve got time,” he said.

“Well,” Kurt said. “You remember that Finn and Rachel broke up last summer?”

“Don’t they break up and get back together about once a month at this point?” Blaine laughed.

“No, no, it was for real this time!” Kurt said. He brushed a lock of hair back from his forehead; the bright spring sun caught strands in the light and turned them burnished gold. “They really broke up. Rachel went out to LA, and Finn stayed here in town.”

“Oh, wow,” Blaine said. “What’s he been doing?”

“He’s taken over my dad’s garage so my dad can focus on his political career,” Kurt said. “And, and...he’s finally finished his degree.”

“Really? Good for him!” Blaine said. “I know he kept switching majors. What did he settle on?”

“Education, with a concentration in sports medicine. And he got a new job.”

Blaine squeezed his hand. “Okay, you can’t make everything a cliffhanger, just tell me,” he laughed.

“All right, all right, fine,” Kurt huffed. “He’s the new football coach at McKinley. And he’s reconnected with a certain someone who also works there.” He paused. “This one deserves a dramatic pause.”

“Come on, just tell me.”

Kurt sighed. “Okay, well, you remember Lucy, right?”

“Of course I remember Lucy,” Blaine said. He stopped, his Sperrys skidding on the paved concrete path. “Wait a minute. Do you mean…”

“I mean, Lucy is the new theatre teacher at McKinley, and she and Finn completely hit it off, and they’ve been dating for over a year now,” Kurt grinned. “And he might have asked me for advice on a ring.”

“Oh my god! That’s amazing!” Blaine said. He squeezed Kurt’s hand and they started walking again. “Good for him.” He tapped his fingertips on the back of Kurt’s hand. “What else have I missed? How’s your family?”

“Great,” Kurt said. “Really great. Dad’s health has improved so much, and Carole dropped down to working part time so she can stay home with Emily.

“Oh my god, Emily must be so big now,” Blaine said. “She was just a baby the last time I saw her.”

“She just lost her first tooth,” Kurt said. “Let me tell you, there was a crisis in the Hudson-Hummel house.”

Blaine laughed. “I can definitely picture that,” he said.

A light breeze blew by, ruffling their hair and shaking petals loose from the honeysuckle bushes lining the path. “What about your family?” Kurt asked.

“They’re fine,” Blaine said. “My parents have not changed a bit, I can definitely say that. And Cooper’s instagram has really taken off.”

“Yeah, I follow him, and wow, he’s getting a lot of brand deals.”

“Weirdly enough, becoming an instagram influencer has led to more acting roles than when he was trying to be a serious actor,” Blaine said. “Oh, and Francey’s pregnant.”

Kurt stopped dead in his tracks. “Are you serious?” he exclaimed.

“She hasn’t announced it yet, but trust me, she’s been talking about it nonstop since she found it,” Blaine grinned. “Brantley’s excited too.”

“Oh my god, I can’t picture your sister as a mom, but somehow I can definitely see it,” Kurt said. “Congratulations, Uncle Blaine.”

“It’ll definitely be a change, I’ll tell you that,” Blaine said. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Kurt’s hand. “But what about you?”

Kurt shrugged. “Oh, I’ve kept you up to date,” he said. “Still writing for Vogue, but it’s nice that I can work from home. City life was just...too much, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Blaine said. “I’ve kind of gotten tired of the touring life. I love that my music career’s taken off, but…I’d kind of like to settle down.”

“Oh,” Kurt said. He cast a sideways glance at Blaine from under his lashes. “I don’t suppose there’s anyone you’d like to settle down with, is there?”

Blaine smiled. “I think you already know the answer to that,” he said, and he leaned in to kiss Kurt. It had been so long since the last time they had kissed, but with the sun shining down and the breeze tugging at them and Kurt’s lips firm and soft against his, it felt like coming home.

#klaine #glee fanfiction #caitlin writes things #emily hudson-hummel #francey anderson #lucy trevelyan #mskelseylove

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ellana-ravenwood · 6 years ago

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“Wanna Join ?” Part 2/2 - Jason Todd x Reader x Roy Harper (erotica)

And here as promised, part 2 of this little dirty polyamorous fic of mine. If you haven’t read part 1, link down below :-). And hum...I don’t have much to add, hope you’ll like it !

FINISHED SERIES : PART 1

IMPORTANT WARNING : THIS IS EROTICA ! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF YOU ARE UNDERAGED, I GODDAMN MEAN IT. Like there’s cute and sweet feelings in the mix, but also...smut, so if you’re not 18 or more, or if you’re not comfortable with that sort of things etc etc, this story ain’t for you. I have tons of other very SFW story, for averyone to read, and if you wanna check those out instead, it’s right here, on My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives.

_________________________________________________

Jason Todd was happy.

Right here, right now.

In fact, he doesn’t remember feeling that happy ever in his life...

Maybe before his death, when he was just a carefree kid and Bruce asked him if he could officially be adopted ?

The feeling, in his little nine years old heart, to finally belong, to finally have a real family that cared about him...It was overwhelming at the time.

Of course, things were cut short, ruined by that psychopathic clown, who killed him when he was fifteen. And by R’as Al Ghul, who wouldn't let him rest and brought him back...

Since he came back to life, Jason couldn’t recall being THAT happy.

He found new friends, forgave his father, bonded again with his family (becoming quite a protective yet cool older brother to Tim, and more recently, to Damian, finally making progress with him...Finally wanting to make progress with him), learned how to live again etc etc...

But there was always that gloominess in him. That sadness of being let down. Abandoned by his father, the only person he always thought would never let him go...

The constant feeling of not being important enough followed him everywhere, this pain dragged him down for so long...

Until he met you and Roy.

At first, he was such an ass to the both of you, but you stuck around anyway. You didn’t let him push you away...and before he knew it, Roy and you were the reasons he felt happier sometimes, just by being with you.

Before he realized it, he had fallen hopelessly in love with you.

With both of you...

And then you two started dating, and he thought it would be the end. Over. That he would have to burry his feelings deep down and watch you two be happy from a distance. That once more, he wouldn’t belong anywhere.

But one day...One day you invited him to join in on your sexy time, and after a few months of fun, of incredible sexual experience...you realized you were all in love with each others.

Polyamorous.

That’s the word Jason used. And how lucky was he, to have fallen desperately in love with his best friends who discovered they too, were poly ?

Very lucky.

So sure, at first it had been a mess of misunderstandings and hurt, but things cleared pretty rapidly !

After Roy thought Jason was trying to steal you away from him, you caught up with him and came back to the apartment, where Jay proceeded to explain himself.

He remembered how he was afraid because if you guys didn’t share his feelings...he could ruin everything. You’d never abandoned him of course, but it would never be the same again.

And now...

No Jason Todd was happy.

Here. Right here.

That night, he fell asleep in the best spot.

In the middle.

Your head was in the crook of his neck, and one of your leg was thrown around his waist, as you were cuddled against him, your warmth spreading to him pleasantly.

Roy was sleeping on his belly, his body also against Jason’s. One of his arms was laying comfortably across the Red Hood’s chest, fingertips touching you side softly.

And though this position might sound uncomfortable to a lot of people, sandwiched the way he was...Jason lived to feel you guys’ naked bodies against him.

Jason Todd was happy. Here. Between you two.

He was thinking about just that when...he felt like something was wrong.

Yours and Roy’s skin felt...weirdly sweaty and sticky. Not like it should have felt. It was slimy and warm and...It was blood.

Jason sat up in a panic, and shook both of you, but he already knew...he already knew by the empty look in your eyes, by the sudden coldness of your skin, by the amount of blood all around you...You and Roy were dead.

You had left him behind, you were gone, forever. What happened ?!

He...he...He woke up, screaming at the top of his lungs.

************

Jason felt as if he was back in time. When he was eight, and just started to live at Wayne manor’s. When he was all alone in this huge bedroom.

He used to have vivid dreams about his mother’s murder...And used to wake up screaming, just like right now. And each time, Bruce would come running, and would be there for him until he fell asleep.

And though Jason was far from being a kid now...Bruce came in when he heard his (adult) son scream in his sleep. It was mainly just a reflex. Tim and Damian still lived at the Manor, and sometimes they had nightmares.

They were still young enough to appreciated their father rushing in their room to reassure them, to be there for them. And so when Bruce was woken up by a scream...He followed his father instincts and went to the source of the scream, knowing it was one of his boys.

But half asleep, he didn’t realize that said scream came from one of his oldest son...Jason came back to live in the manor shortly after the huge fall out he had with you and Roy. He just didn’t want to stay alone in an apartment, he couldn’t stay alone in an apartment so...He moved back to his old home.

It has been a while, since he lived there. But of course, Bruce and Alfred welcomed him with open arms. And the old butler got his old room in order, with the help of a rather excited Tim (he always admired greatly Jason) and the reluctant help of Damian (who was actually pretty excited too...it meant he could randomly start fights in the corridor with someone else than Drake !).

It was a bit weird, to be back in that huge room...Some of his old stuffs that he didn’t take with him, and that were there since before his death brought memories back to his mind. Of times when it was just him and Bruce. Of Dick and him fighting, but ultimately become close brothers. Of finding a new family. Of Bruce being proud of him because he had good grades at school. Of roaming the mansion with Dick, up to no good. Of scaring Alfred by jumping all around expensive furnitures (though the butler was scared for his well being more than said furnitures). Of Alfred’s cucumber sandwiches...

It was a bit weird, but he realized it was exactly what he needed.

After the heartbreak he just went through. After loosing his two best friends, but also ruining their relationship...

He needed his home. His family. To not feel completely abandoned again.

And as Bruce, his father, half-asleep, came running into his room already saying :

“It’s alright boy, I’m here.”

Jason felt a bit better...But then his dad realizes it’s neither Tim nor Damian. It’s one of his grown ass kid. And he just stands there, between the door and his bed, not really sure of what to do.

He reconnected with Jason not so long ago, and he fears that him barging in after he had a nightmare might be too much for him. Might make painful memories of his father abandoning him (Bruce would never forgive himself, but he had his reason, and Jay finally understood them) resurface for some reasons...maybe some childhood memories that were too painful to think about.

And this was the last thing Jason needed. After what he just went through...

So Bruce stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do next, until he realized...Until he realized Jason was crying.

And once again, his father instincts kicked in. Especially since he never saw Jason cry...And so he goes to him, sits next to him, and holds him. Just like he used to do when Jay was eight...And he listens.

He listens to his heartbroken son, to his shattered boy...And he doesn’t let go.

************

Roy is angry.

Lately, he’s always angry.

Maybe it’s a way of ignoring that lingering pain inside him, the one that threatens to destroy him if he stops being so furious ?

But as Oliver Queen aka Green Arrow watch upon his ex-sidekick bashing a random low life head’s in...This has to end.

It’s not like his Roy to loose it like that. Especially not since he met you and Jason. He became a collected man, that always thought things through and..it just wasn’t his thing to use mindless violence.

And it was tarnishing his name. And by the same occasion, Green Arrow’s. Not that Oliver cared much, no. He didn’t give a shit what people thought of the Arrows right now, he just wanted Roy to feel better.

But it was dangerous. There was a high chance of him just getting mad and blowing everything up, telling Oliver to never talk to him again (right when they were reconnecting again at that !).

However, the archer was ready to risk it all. For the boy’s sake...He chuckled. The boy ? But Roy wasn’t a boy anymore. Or things would be easier.

When he was a boy, the one they used to call “Speedy” used to drink everything his mentor said, used to admire him so much and follow everything he taught him...Which is probably the source of their downfall. Of why he felt so betrayed and all when...But this was the past.

Right now, he needed him.

“You know, I think he understood your point...”

Oliver said, walking slowly toward Roy who was just about finishing beating up that low life drug dealer. The red archer turned around and...Had the opposite reaction Oliver was expecting.

He was waiting for Roy to burst in anger, to tell him to go fuck himself. He was almost expecting to fight him in order to calm him down ! But this ? This was a surprise.

Roy let go of the collar of the criminal he was holding, and the man fell back down limply, definitely knocked out. He looked at his former mentor as if he was an hallucination, or a dream, and seemed to come out of a daze and...

He sat down on the floor, or rather, fell down, sunk down on the floor. And his head fell in his hands. He didn’t say anything. He just...looked defeated.

And Oliver never saw, even at his worst, Roy look defeated...Almost shocked, he walked toward him and sat down beside him.

Roy jumped in the air a bit, as if he already forgot that Green Arrow was here and he looked at him curiously, but a lingering suffering was there, behind his eyes. And then, with a weak voice so unlike his normal one, he said :

“I lost her Oli’. I lost both of them”.

Oliver Queen didn’t need to ask who he was talking about. He knew.

Anyone who had seen those three together knew that if for whatever reason they had a fall out, it would be bad. For all three of them.

They seemed so close, even after Roy started to date you...

Oliver laid a hand he wanted consoling on his former sidekick’s shoulder, and was about to say something but...nothing could have prepared him for the flow of words that came out of Roy’s mouth.

He hadn’t talk to him that much in years ! And so Green Arrow stayed there, sitting next to him, and listened.

************

Your heart tightened as you looked upon the last picture that you took all together. You were all so happy then...Or so you thought.

Because if everything went as fine as you thought, then why would Jason decide to kiss you and tell you he loves you ? ...

The picture was taken by him, with his phone. He was a bit in front of you, smiling and making a stupid peace sign, while you and Roy were making silly faces and...You hid the photo, shoving it in your backpack.

It hurt too much to see it. Especially since you hadn’t seen any of them for now almost two months, had no news whatsoever and...Had those impossible feelings for both of them.

It’s funny, that it took Jason deciding to kiss you and tell you he loves you for you to realize what has been there all along.

That you were in love yes...with both of them.

Which is why you so often let Jason in on your intimate moment with Roy...After all, you were the one that initiated the all thing with your simple : “Wanna join ?”

But the way you grew up, the way society worked...You thought it was actually impossible to be in love with more than one person at once, and so you convinced yourself that what you felt for Jay was just a very strong friendship, and you were just in love with Roy.

You convinced yourself you were “normal”, that you just had a regular love story, with only two people in it...Only it has never been “normal”.

Because from day one, Jason was always there. And then when he joined in on your sex session...You should have known it was coming.

The disaster. Things were going too well, and yet not well enough.

Because every time you finished having sex with each other, you craved for Jason to stay too and...You shook your head.

What was the point in remembering and pondering all those thoughts now ? It was too late. You should have never told Jason to join, and stay the way you all were...At least, you would still be together.

And sure, it would have mean repressing a lot of feelings but...you’d still have them. Not like now, as you were in your now empty old apartment (empty of them), gathering a few things you had never dared to come get back before now.

In case you ran into one of them, you know ?

Because you couldn’t face Jason nor Roy, for reasons you weren’t too sure of...Maybe you were afraid of further rejection ? Of fighting and therefor definitely ending everything between all of you ? Maybe...

You didn’t really know, and you weren’t quite ready to delve into your feelings like that, to psychoanalyse yourself just yet.

You were about to leave the apartment when...You heard a noise coming from Jason’s bedroom.

For some reason, you were sure it wouldn’t be Jason himself, because it seemed like he was avoiding you too lately (which was good), and went back to live at Wayne’s Manor. So in your head, it was most likely an intruder and you’d be damn if you’d let an intruder come into your house ! Even if nowadays, it wasn't really yours anymore...At least, it didn’t feel like home without Jason and Roy.

So when you barged in Jason’s room, ready to fight whatever stranger came in, your surprise was huge to discover that it was...Actually Jason.

You stared at each others for a bit, not really knowing what to say.

“You um...look well.”

Jason finally broke the silence, and it brought you back to your senses. In a small voice you answer :

“Yeah well I’m...Well. You look...Alright too.”

Another silence, but it seems like none of you want to leave the room. In fact, you feel a sudden urge to stay, and to talk more to him. To work things out. To try and understand why he did what he did when he did it. To try and understand your own feelings...After all, you still love him too.

And Jason ? Jason doesn’t want to go out either. He wants to explain. He wants to tell you everything, as finally you’re not running away...

He originally came in just go grab some of his stuffs from his room, coming through the window as an old habit, and definitely didn’t expect you to be there. Not after two months...And yet. Yet here you were.

And here he was.

His chance to explain everything. To tell you how he truly feels. To maybe convince you to go after Roy ! And if you don’t love him back ? Well it was alright, he’d settle to see you and Roy happy...It’s all he ever wanted really.

The two people he was oh so desperately in love with to be happy.

You both speak at the same time.

“(Y/N)/Jason I...Oh, you first !”

And then you chuckle, and it’s been months since any of you laughed...

You take a step towards him, and he takes one towards you. And as both of your minds’ are overflowing with what you should say, with what you should admit to each other...Everything crumbles away when you’re just a few inches from each other.

Because the attraction is too strong. It always had been too strong.

And you both resolve to say everything later, as he catch you in his arms and your mouth are looking for each other...Find each other.

Your arms wind up around his neck, and he holds you close, his own arms wrapping around your waist. And before you realize it, both your lips part and your tongues dance around each other, as you press even further in his body. And he...

“I can’t fucking believe it !”

A cold chill ran in your vein, as you quickly get away from Jason (even if you don’t want to), and he does the same. You both turned around and...are faced with Roy, a sport bag on his shoulder.

It seemed like today, all of you thought it was a good time to come back and get some stuffs...But after all, it had been two months, it was suppose to be “safe”.

You’re about to say something, and you can see Jay is too, but Roy shuts you both down by continuing :

“I can’t...But I should know. Of course, with me out of the picture, you both had the way free to each others !

“Roy it’s not...”

“Shut up ! Both of you ! ...I came here because I saw some lights. And because I needed to take a few things. I came here knowing one of you would be here, and to talk. To not leave things like we left them. And what do I find ? My best friends, whom I thought would never betray me, doing exactly that. Again.”

Roy let his bag slip off his shoulder and walks toward you. By instinct, Jason takes a step back, afraid to get punched again like last time. But Roy stops a few feet from both of you and says :

“You know, I’d never think EVER in my life that you two would...Do something like that. I...I love you. I love you both so much ! And you’d do that to me ? Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted to be together ?! I would have accepted it ! It would have hurt, yes, but I would..I wouldn’t feel so betrayed. So left out. And it was the least you could do...”

It was interesting, the way he was talking about both of you, not addressing his speech to only one person. And did he say...He loves you “both so much” ?

“I don’t understand why you would do that. I just don’t...get it. I thought I could trust you. I thought I...I...”

His voice break, and you and Jason take the few steps that separate him from you, but as he notices, he walks backwards.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. Not after what you’ve just done !”

It hurts. It hurts so much, the way he walks away, fear in his eyes. Fear that you’d break his heart further...

Roy doesn’t want to hear you say that you love each other. That you’re going to date from now on. He doesn’t want to hear you say that everything between you and him was fake. He...He doesn’t want to hear any excuses.

There’s a silence, once again broken by Jason :

“I’m sorry. I...Ruined everything. As usual. I...The day you caught us, two months ago...I was about to tell you guys my big confession. The thing I hid for so long and couldn’t hold in anymore. Not after all this time spend in each others’ arms. I...”

“Let me guess Jason. Said confession is that you love her ? That you love (Y/N) ? Since when ugh ? Did you love her already when we invited you to join in on our fun ? Did you join in just because of that ? After all, it’s true that during our sex session you always paid more attention to her ! I thought, like you always said, that sex was just fun ugh ? That it meant nothing ? And so what now Jason, it does because you love her ?!”

The Red Hood flinches a bit as his friend reminds him of what vision he had of sexual relationships before meeting them. It’s true that, whenever he slept with someone, it used to only be fun but...With them ? Ever since that first night he joined you guys ? It was never fake.

It was never just pleasure. It was...So much more. For him, at least.

Roy seems to be on a streak of words as he keeps going, talking again about how betrayed he feels and how as soon as Jason joined he felt like he didn’t matter as much as he used to. How Green Arrow himself told him that this all situation was shitty. How...

“Oh shut up will ya ?! Let us talk too !!”

Jason says a bit harshly. Roy turns to him and anger, but also pain cross his feature as he says :

“How dare you ? How dare you say such a thing to me while you’re the one that...”

And Jason doesn't think. It’s the first thing that comes to his mind to shut him up.

He grabs him by the back of his neck and crashes his mouth on his, kissing him fiercely and passionately. And Roy...kisses back.

They separate and look at each other, an intensity that wasn’t there before burning in their eyes. But neither of them forgot you, and they turn to you.

They were expecting to see you hurt, even maybe crying or something, as you witnessed both of them kissing very eagerly. But...No.

You look...Turned on. Because your brains sometimes works faster than theirs and you figured things out. And you’re relief. Oh so relief.

You walk to them, and stop right in front of them. Jason’s hand is still behind Roy’s neck, and they’re both so close...You walk in.

In that little circle.

And you lay one kiss on Jason’s lips, and one kiss on Roy’s. It’s funny, they both taste like the other one...You cup their cheek, and despite the turmoil of feelings in their belly, they lean into your touch.

“We are all...Such idiots.”

You finally say, and it seems like the tension that was raised to the max since Roy came in suddenly deflated. Suddenly disappeared.

You all walk a little appart, and you continue :

“It’s...Almost to good to be true. And yet...Jason, do you love me ?”

“Yes.”

The man answer, without an ounce of hesitation.

“Roy, do you love me ?” you ask.

“...Yes.”

He says, albeit a bit slower than Jason, as he’s still unsure what to feel right now. You keep going :

“Jay...Do you love Roy ? And I mean, love beyond our friendship ? ”

There’s a small silence. Jason looks at you, unsure, and afraid to show his real him. His true feelings.

But his father’s words came back into his mind. “Don’t hide yourself, be who you are. And don’t be like me, show the people you love you love them, whenever possible, because they’ll be gone before you realize, and you end up realizing you never told them what you really felt...”

And so he says, firmly, sure of himself :

“Yes.”

You smile tenderly, glad that you understood what was happening with him. But now, you turn to Roy, and there..You’re not quite sure he’s like you and Jason. Not quite sure he can accept that, not quite sure he can love both of you.

And from his answer, everything could change. In two ways.

If he says “yes”, then there’s a chance loves you too, and you could all fix things together; But if he says “yes”, there’s also a chance that he doesn't love you, and just loves Jason and then...Your heart would be broken.

If he says no however, he might still love you, and then Jason’s heart would be broken. And so would be this little trio of yours.

From Roy’s answer...your world could either be turned to the best, or worst.

“...Yes”.

He finally says. And his head slumps down, and your heart drops. Does that mean ? ...He continues :

“I’m sorry (Y/N). I tried not to. But...Ever since I met him I had a crush, and then...we’re just so close. A friendship so strong, and it always blew my mind how much I cared and it was all because...it wasn’t just a strong friendship. It was also love. And I’m sorry (Y/N), I really tried not to love him...”

You freeze. Does that mean...Does that mean he doesn’t love you anymore ? Or never loved you ? It was all fake to forget Jason ? Then why was he so mad Jason kissed you ? ...Oh. Oh was it because since he was in love with him, he...your heart stopped.

You would be out of the picture. You had to step down now.

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes...But Jason’s fingertips caught them before they fell and said :

“We really are idiots, we keep getting stuck into those stupid misunderstanding that we could easily avoid if we...voiced our feelings more. Roy, do you love (Y/N) ? Truly love her ?”

Roy’s head comes back up, and with a vexed look in his eyes he says :

“Of course I love her !! I just said so a few seconds ago ! Why do you think I was so hurt when I saw you kiss her ? Felt so betrayed ? And how was I suppose to know you were going to tell us you both love us ?”

Relief. Again. Relief washes over you. And you start to laugh.

You can’t help it. All of this. Those two months of pain, and this tense conversation. All those quiproquos and such. All those times you didn’t understand the others’ meaning, or actions. How you almost all threw it away because of it...And here it was finally ending.

“Oh my god. I love you both so much...”

You hear yourself say. And they both turn and look at you, something new burning in their eyes. Jason says :

“You...you do ?”

“Oh yes. Yes. And if I’m being honest, have been for a while now...”

It’s Roy’s turns now, to have a small tender smile on his face as he brushes his own fingertips on your cheek, where a few seconds ago tears threatened to fall. And where now, there were tears indeed...But tears of happiness.

“You love us both ?”

You don’t even know which one of you asked that, but the answer is unanimous.

“Yes.”

And just like that, every pent up emotions fly into the air, and you laugh.

Oh you laugh so much...

And you tell each others. Those three words. “I love you”. You tell each other, all of you.

When you stop, you all look at each others, not sure of the next step now that you clumsily professed your love to each other...

Should you...talk more about it ? Try to figure out why you were all in love with two people ? Try to understand why you hid it for so long ? Just trying to be normal ? Should you just talk it through ?

But what was there to talk about. You loved each other. It was official.

Jason always knew it. He always knew he was in love with both you and Roy. You had discovered it right when you all fell apart. And Roy...Roy realized it only a few minutes earlier, when you asked him how he felt.

He knew since a very long time he was in love with you. But as you asked if he also loved Jason...He realized that, yes. Yes he did. And what else could you guys add ?

Nothing.

Or almost nothing.

With a mischievous smile, you turn to Jason and say :

“So...Jay. I think we have one last problem to fix.”

Jason’s eyebrows crease. What now ? More drama ? Please, please no more dramas...He didn’t think his heart could handle it.

But the look in your eyes as you said this...It was the same expression that you had just after him and Roy kissed. Raw heat. And a mind full of dirty ideas.

“I think our man here, doesn’t know how much we love him. How much he means to us. And I think we should refresh his...memory.”

Oh. Oh Jason knew where you were going with this, and he loved it. Your tone of voice was the same than when you were all doing the dirty and...It hits Roy too.

In the most sensitive place it seems, as you both saw something twitch in his pants. You turn to your ex-boyfriend now boyfriend again and say :

“Whaddaya think Roy ? Should we show you some appreciation ?”

Your voice is oh so sultry and it always drove him so wild...He looks at you intensely and says, trying to keep his voice clear though it was already hoarsed :

“Well, I think that would only be fair. After all, I’m the one that thought his girlfriend was cheating on him...That thought his best friends were betraying him so I feel like I deserve some...Appreciation.”

He smiles deviously, and looks between you and Jason. And your heart swells.

Was it really that easy ? Could you have avoided months of angstiness just by talking things through ? ...OH but you were all so stupid.

Because it was really that easy. Once you all realized that you were equally all too important. Once you realized that you couldn’t live without the THREE of you together.

It was really that easy. All that you needed was to...talk. To say : “I love you”. To admit you weren’t in love with just one person. To admit that little trio of yours was more than just friendship...And that you kinda knew it all along.

Of course. Jason joined in on your sex session so easily, of course there was more. You touched each others so tenderly, of course there was more. You got along too well and always craved each others presence, of course there was more...

And here. Finally. You realized it.

But Roy was the last one to realize it, and arguably, the one that suffered the most. Without speaking, you and Jason understood each others.

You would take care of him a bit more tonight. And next time one of you two would feel insecure, then it’d be your turn.

But tonight...Tonight would be all about Roy.

************

And this is how you ended up tearing off his shirt and licking his chest all over, while Jason’s tongue was in Roy’s mouth, kissing him passionately.

Instinctively, you placed yourselves on each side of your boyfriend. Of your lover. You were in front of him, Jason behind.

And when Jay moved away to take his own clothes off, you took his place kissing Roy with all the passion you had in your being. Your arms were around his neck, and his were holding you close by clinging your waist.

It’s only when you both felt Jason moving back in that you separated. Jason gave you a quick kiss, licking your lower lip, and went back to kissing Roy’s neck, sucking and biting there and there.

You pulled away to take your clothes off, stripping sensually under Roy’s intense gaze, before going back to him. He thought you were about to kiss his lips again, but instead you peppered his jaw, chin, all the way down to his collar bone, while Jason was kissing his shoulder blades.

You met again with Jason at the junction of his neck and shoulder, and kissed each others while massaging Roy all over. You then parted, and gave each other a wink, knowing exactly what to do to make sure that Roy would finally feel like he truly belonged.

To make sure he would never feel as if you and Jason focused more on each others than on him during sex.

You elicited so many moans out of Roy’s mouth, that you both feel more aroused than ever...

You’re not ashamed to say it, you are dripping wait at the sound he makes, and at the idea of what’s coming next. And seeing the bulge in Roy’s pant, and how rock hard Jason seems to be, there is indeed no shame to have.

Roy can’t handle it anymore.

“Guys, are you go...I...ah...I can’t...I...”

But he can’t formulate any thoughts, as you and Jason work him up to his limit. It doesn’t take that much, as you suck and bite at his skin, stroking him all over. His pants is still on, and it becomes unbearable for him, needing more friction.

It’s you, who release him slowly.

You kiss down from his lips all the way to his abdomen, and finally pull his pants and boxers down, and oh you missed the sight of his cock springing to life.

Roy moans loudly as he feels Jason slowly getting to his knees too, behind him.

One of the archer’s hand wind up in your hair, while the other want tangles in Jay’s mane, and he’s pretty sure he’s about to die.

You keep peppering kisses all around his inner thighs, without touching him where you want him too, and Jason does the fucking same, kissing his lower back, licking and biting but not going to the point !

He’s about to protest when finally, finally, so in synch that it’s so obvious you were meant to be together, you and Jason take action.

And it’s no better...Or rather, it’s better than anything. But it still drives Roy insane.

One of your hand loosely wrap around his cock, as your tongue leisurely run up and down his shaft in controlled movement. And Jason ? Fuck, Jason just spread his ass cheek and is giving him the best rim job he ever had.

You can feel, by the way his hands are tightening in both your hair, and by the way he kinda raises up on his tip toe, that he’s beyond his head with pleasure.

And so you both lick away. You both give it your all.

But you...You’re a bit sneakier. You take your time. You slowly work an orgasm out of him. Because you know Jason will have to do more, while you’ll keep sucking him...So you slowly swirls your tongue all around him. Sometimes moving to his ball, close to Jay, to grab at each other quickly, exchanging a quick french kiss while also driving Roy crazy by stopping, even if for a second.

You slowly suck on in, lick all over including parts all around his cock to enhance any sensation of his, while Jason preps him...

While Jason preps him for more. Because of course, he’ll do more than just a silly rim job, even if it is already, paired with the blow job, extremely pleasurable.

At one point, you can hear Roy groan in displeasure as Jason gets to his feet...but you know what he’s doing and so you suck on Roy’s head more intensely so he forgets Jay’s absence.

And you do a wonderful job, as both his hands are now in your hair and you feel his hips swaying in and out of your mouth of its own accord...You smiled around his dick, and patiently let him fuck your mouth as Jason comes back.

And he has something in his hand, that makes you moan knowing what will happen. Damn. So hot.

Oh you’re enjoying all this way too much, it almost makes you feel shameful...Almost, because you like too much giving pleasure to one of the people you love like that.

Jason, behind Roy, coats two of his fingers with the oil he went to get, and you feel Roy’s cock twitch in your mouth as Jason places himself right and, spreading his new boyfriend’s ass cheeks again, insert slowly one, then two fingers inside him.

Roy’s eye roll at the back of his head, and he almost falls forward, as Jason knows him too well and hit the right spot immediately. But this...this propels Roy towards you and you almost choke on his dick.

You pull away quickly, and the two men look at you, concern in their eyes. You cough a little, but then smile at them and chuckle.

“I guess that’s what I get for choosing such...Well endowed lovers. Just give me a second, which I think anyway, Coy Roy there needs”.

Roy scoffs, but...Yeah he kinda needs it. He’s pretty sure he could never handle your perfect lips and skills around his cock, while Jason was working him open from behind with his damn professional fingering...

Jason, his eyes fixed on you to make sure you’re ok, thrusts his fingers in and out of Roy. You exchange a look with him, and reassure him. Yeah. You’re fine.

Through half-lidded eyes, and through his intense pleasure, Roy looks at you too, and tries to convey to you his concern but...it’s ok. You get it. Jason is after all pretty skilled with his fingers.

You stand up, and leave a quick peck on Jay’s lips, before walking around Roy to go and slowly stroke your other boyfriend...Yes. Yes you said it was Roy’s night but you couldn’t help it.

You just imagined Jason, during those three years, being desperately in love with the both of you and never saying anything out of fear to ruin things. Suffering on his own...And you just have to give a little bit more to him too.

Besides, right now, there’s nothing you can do to Roy that won’t make him pass out in pleasure. Any more kisses, or blow job would be his end, as Jay works him up to his max.

So kissing one last time Roy on the lips, you walk around him and face Jason. He looks at you curiously, as you reach to stroke his cheek...but the way he leans in. Damn. You love that man.

Without stopping his thrusting motion on Roy, Jason kisses you, and let you stroke his dick slowly, reminiscing of that first night you all spend together, where he watched Roy fuck you as you jerked him off...

This propels his dick to twitch, and you look at him curiously. But he just smiles smugly as he reaches with his free hand to your pussy, and flick your clit teasingly.

You keep this little game of yours for a little while. As you want to show Jason that now, he’s in this too, for good. You stroke him lovingly, and he works you just as expertly as he works Roy. You kiss, passionately...Just for a little while.

Because this is Roy’s night.

With your own free hand, you reach in front of Roy to jerk him too, and the desperate moan he lets out is addictive.

You don’t realize it, but your own moans drive both your boyfriends crazy. And Roy blesses whoever gifted Jason with such a talent with his hands.

For a little while, you stroke both of their cocks, while Jason fingers you and Roy and...It’s mostly Roy’s night, but you also need release.

You move away from them, and they both groan, shooting you a disapproving look as you walk away...But you go towards the bed.

You sit on the edge, and slowly crawl in the middle, gesturing to them to come closer, with your most sensual and sexy moves.

And oh, both their dicks jerks up at the motion. And they know what you want, what you mean. You don’t even need to talk. You never need to talk. You always understand each other oh so perfectly.

Jason let’s Roy go, and they both walk towards you.

But tonights Roy’s night. And you had an idea that they understood in mind.

Roy kneeled in front of you, as you took hold once more of his cock, and started to play with it while Jason was getting ready...

This time, the Red Hood coated his own dick with oil. He settled himself behind Roy, and inserted a finger inside him once again, to be sure he was not going to hurt him...and then..Then Jason spreads Roy’s thighs.

And you see, through said spread thighs, as he gets ready, stroking himself a few times before settling at Roy’s entrance.

Roy takes a deep breath, bracing himself but...it’s Jason we’re talking about. The only man that you him that well. The only person he trusted entirely with handling his body. And as you were licking his cock head again...Jason slowly penetrated Roy.

Slowly. Not forcing his way. Stopping if he felt it resisted a bit, realigning and pushing further...Until he was fully sheathed in his boyfriend.

Roy growled out, as Jason made that sound you loved so much. That desperate little gasp of pleasure. You smiled to yourself as you took a little step back, sitting in front of them. You knew how things would unfold.

Both their eyes were closed, and it almost seemed like they had forgotten you, buried in each other so deeply...But they didn’t.

Jason’s eyes shot open, and he slowly bend Roy down, towards you.

Jay’s cock was easing itself slowly in and out of the man, making smooth thrusting motion, and Roy finally spoke up :

“I...I hated...I hated both of you so much...”

He sighs, as Jason fucks him slowly, and you stroke him tenderly, brushing your thumb over the head of his cock, where some pre-cum gathered.

“I...I can’t believe I hated you so much...”

Jason continues to thrust, with a little more force now, taking Roy’s moans as his queue to go faster and harder. But everything comes to a sudden stop...

Roy’s hand stops Jason’s hips to slam into him again, while his other free hand pulls you off his dick and shows to you to lay down on the bed.

Roy turns to a concerned Jason, who was afraid he just had hurt him, and says :

“It just doesn’t seem fair, that I’m only forgiving you right now...”

And Jay understands. He nods, and let himself fall forward with Roy.

You look at him curiously until...Oh. Yes. Of course.

Roy slides himself inside you easily, as your walls are wetter than they’ve ever been. He buries himself to the hilt, holding himself up with his elbows on each side of your face, and it’s your turn to roll your eyes to the back of your head, because damn, he knew you too well, and hit that particular spot with his first motion.

That particular spot that ached to be hit since the beginning of all this.

And just like that, Jay started to move again, in perfect synch with Roy’s movement inside you. Whenever the archer was thrusting deep within you, Jay was pulling out of him, and vice versa.

Thrust.

“Ah. You’re so fucking beautiful. So fucking beautiful...and I dreamt of this for so long...”

You’re not really sure of who says this, and to whom, but does it really matter ? In the end, no. Because it could have been any of you that said that, to any of you, and it would mean the same.

You all thought you were gorgeous. Beautiful. Sexy. Oh so fucking hot. So who cared, who said what to who ? It was meant for all three of you.

In, out.

"I wanted to fuck you, I wanted to taste you, I wanted to come all over you-"

And who the cares to whom that was destined ? Because you all wanted to fuck each others, to taste each others and man if the occasion arised, to come all over each other...The mere thought made you all moan, tighten around each other, hands tangling in hair, kisses lost on collar bones and tongue licking backs and shoulder blades.

Mouth finding each other hungrily, tongue dancing around each others, and who cared who did it with who ? Because in that moment, you were all so connected. You were all just one being.

Thrust. Gasp from one of you...Or maybe all of you ?

Thrust going faster. Inside Roy’s ass. Inside your pussy. In total synch.

"Your beautiful cock in my mouth. Your come. You taste so good."

Did you say that ? Or was it Roy ? Maybe Jason ? You didn’t even differentiate each others’ voice now, because all of you said what was on everyone’s mind. You were oh so perfectly connected.

Thrust.

“Oh God-”

Someone is on the verge of coming, and you’re not quite sure who...Maybe you ? After all, feeling Jay moving in and out of you so perfectly, lying above you, is driving you crazy...And now...Now...

Is that Jason’s fingers, slowly flicking your clit ? Yes. Yes it is.

Roy’s hands are on either sides of your head, to keep himself and Jay off of you (they would be too heavy), so it couldn't be you...You shoot a look up to Jason and...One of his hand is holding Roy’s hips firmly, leaving marks of his fingers on his skin, but the other one...the other one went down to your clit.

And maybe it was you, who was on the verge of coming and who uttered this “Oh God”, but you didn’t even realize it...

In, out.

Thrust.

Deep thrust.

Hard and fast now.

“Roy...”

Thrust.

“Jason...”

Earth shattering thrust.

“(Y/N)...”

Crippling pleasure.

“Oh Roy...I’m gonna...I’m gonna...”

“Jay, don’t stop, don’t...”

“(Y/N), you’re so warm and tight and...”

“Ah ! Mmm...”

You don’t know who says what. And it doesn’t matter.

Because now...Now...

Now Roy cries out desperately, as you feel him thrust three more times inside you before unleashing his own warmth deep inside, coating your walls with his seed.

And now you tighten around him as he helps you ride out your own orgasm that you didn’t even realize hit you a few seconds before, and through him over the edge. And you cling to Roy’s shoulder, digging your nails inside them.

And he...oh he can’t. It’s two strong, to have a double orgasm like that...Because as he was making love to you (there was no fucking between all of y’all anymore), and came inside you, Jason was hitting all the right spot and made him orgasm again, his ass tensing around Jay’s cock and...

It was the final cries, the final yell of pleasure, groans, growls...The end of this heated love making session.

Jason. Jason was last. And he didn’t hold back.

He thrusted a few more times in Roy’s tight ass, feeling how the man’s walls were closing around his veiny cock, and he came.

Oh he came so much.

Two months of pent up feelings.

And then he was falling on his side, in the bed, and Roy was too, ending up sandwiched between you and Jason.

And sure it was kind of a mess, and you needed to clean up but...Right now, right now you were too spend to move.

Roy couldn’t feel his legs anymore, and all his muscles were painfully throbbing after such two intense orgasms. You were cuddled up against Roy’s chest, a hand lost on Jason’s waist, unable to move ether. And Jason...Jason could have moved, but he didn’t want to. Because moving would mean letting go of both of you, and he just couldn’t do that just now.

Not just as he found you back. Not just as he discovered that he was loved as much as he loved. Not...Not just now.

Finally. Things were how they always were supposed to be.

With Jason falling asleep with you and Roy.

With the three of you falling asleep in each others’ arms (Roy having the best place that night, the middle).

You and Roy had dated for three years, but it’s only now that this little missing thing you always felt fell into place.

It was Jason all along.

Of course.

Roy was almost mad that you all wasted three years like that...

But now it was all over. The missing piece was found and in the puzzle.

You were together. And you all loved each other just the same...

************

Sometimes though, one of you would feel a bit less loved for some reasons (often a result of them overthinking). And it couldn’t be more wrong because the feelings you all had for each others was equal...But eh.

You couldn’t control your insecurities.

So sometimes, one of you would need a remainder that he or she was loved all the same.

If it was you, oh the treat you were in for, as they’d both take very good care of you (and of your holes). Working you to multiple orgasm, to exhaustion, so you would stop having such silly thought of “maybe they love each other more than they love me”.

Because you all loved each other the same.

If it was Roy, you’d have a reenactment of the night you all admitted your feelings to each other. It was always great, and extremely tiring.

And if it was Jason ? Well. Jason was particular. When he felt less loved, you had to leave everything to him. Let him in charge of every movements. Which often ended in both you and Roy sprawled on the bed while he was eating you out and jerking him off, or blowing him off and fingering you...

But you’d always make sure that every single one of you knew his or her place in the trio. Knew that there was none of that “I love you more” bullshit between you. You were all desperately in love with each others, equally, and nothing nor anyone could ever change that.

You were planning on having a long and fulfilling life altogether...And Alfred, aka best butler ever, was already preparing everything for the future “trio wedding”, because he was sure it was only a matter of time before you guys asked each others to get married, and man if the old butler wasn’t all for his master to be happy. And if you and Roy made him happy ? He’d prepare this impossible marriage with three party. Every day of the week.

The end (?).

_______________________________

Ok. Sorry if this is terrible, especially the sex scene (at first, I wanted to write multiple little scenes, but ended up writing a big one so...yeah. Maybe I’ll write more if you like this pairing...or like...trioing (how do we call them ?!)...If you like Jason x Reader x Roy. I’m not good at writing smut and I’m cringing so hard every time I do, but I still somewhat enjoy writing it so...Why not, if you liked it. Sorry...OK. The end. As usual though, feedbacks = life.

PS : Yes, as usual I did NOT re-read myself so sorry for typos. I just can’t proof read something of mine, I cringe too much.

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