#weirdest part is she HAS already believed i've had it for a while she just didnt think a diagnosis was worth it bc No Problems.........lol

[bonetrousledbones]

finally managed to convince my mom to get me re-evaluated for adhd

[vickyvicarious]

Oh No. You made me aware of the implications of Mina's words (when Mina says that some may say that this is a happy occasion for her and Jonathan) that she nay already be dealing with peoples' Whispering or subtle comments... from Hawkins' circle perhaps.

Yeah. :(

See, the thing is, there has been talk since last year of an outside perspective of all this with various degrees of apparent shadiness in different characters (I think I made a post about exactly that last year). But most of those takes I've seen deal with people suspecting our main characters of outright murder. Arthur, getting into Mrs. Westenra's will and then killing her and Lucy off with the help of his doctor friends to cover up for him. Or even just killing Lucy after her mother dies and leaves everything to him. Jonathan and Mina killing Mr. Hawkins in order to inherit everything he has, including Jonathan's big promotion shortly beforehand. It's all very sinister-sounding stuff.

But it doesn't have to be that bad, even in other peoples' minds. For Arthur, his father's illness seems like something that would have been well-known, and of course he was due to inherit everything from him anyway since they were quite close and he has no siblings. It sounds like there were rumors going around about him and Lucy, so their engagement wouldn't have been a surprise. Mrs. Westenra kept her illness secret from Lucy, but not really the other characters, and it's possible she would have allowed some other friends in on the secret too, so her death might not be a surprise either. Lucy's illness was abrupt and tragic, but having a friendly doctor consult/care for an invalid at home wouldn't have been anything too weird, so it's not necessarily ringing alarm bells. The weirdest part is the inheritance and the super-fast funeral, but in addition to Arthur getting potentially more leeway since he's so high-status, the knowledge of his father's death at about the same time might have led people to be more excusing of him even if they didn't like how he conducted the funeral. The inheritance is really weird though, and I could see even people who trust he wasn't responsible for any deaths believing that he maybe manipulated or pressured an ill woman to convince her to sign off Lucy's money to him when he knows she's likely to die much sooner than Mrs. Westenra thinks. And then he had them both buried as fast as possible and tried to move right past it. Not necessarily murder, but scummy. Even then though, I feel like most people wouldn't be saying this kind of thing openly even if it did run through their minds - and it would be less likely to occur to most in the first place since they know Arthur more already.

But while Arthur's status, both as a rich and presumably well-liked member of high-society, and someone who was known to be close to both the Westenras before they fell ill, serves to make people more forgiving of him... Jonathan and Mina don't have any of that.

Jonathan didn't already have money, to point to and say "he didn't need to inherit that wealth anyway." Jonathan didn't have his own property to make him getting that house less weird. He didn't already have his own staff, he didn't already have his own title/job even. He worked for Mr. Hawkins. He literally only just became a lawyer a couple of months ago, and he hasn't even been in the country let alone actively involved in the practice for most of the time since then. His meteoric rise is definitely weird, especially if you consider that his relationship with Mr. Hawkins, pre-trip, seems to have been pretty professional. Maybe he and his boss both secretly were more fond of one another than that, but I don't get the sense they expressed it very much.

So it's much easier to make the jump to the Harkers killing Mr. Hawkins. But there's a leap that's even easier than that and in some ways sadder. We know that Mr. Hawkins didn't have family, and apparently his funeral wasn't super well attended. His gout had been an ongoing issue, and while that alone isn't typically enough to kill someone it can go along with other illnesses. Jonathan had worked for him since he was a boy, and then his first business trip went wrong.

I think it could be quite easy for people to assume that Jonathan was ambitious, and deliberately played on the feelings of a lonely, sick old man. Perhaps he manipulated his guilt as a way to get 'in' with him past professional roles, and then started acting the part of a son in order to con Mr. Hawkins into giving him everything. Again, it doesn't have to be murder to still be mercenary and cold.

At the very least, if you're an old acquaintance of Mr. Hawkins, or someone who has worked with him for a while, the sudden appointment of his former clerk as his chief mourner, heir to all his wealth and his legal practice - it definitely seems odd enough to attribute to greed. Jonathan and Mina don't have any social status or wealth to protect them from that, and so I feel like they could get a lot more open suspicion or scorn or snubbing than Arthur ever would. No one ever has to say a word about it looking like murder; they could make 'jokes' about the Harkers 'lucking out' or at least 'landing on their feet' with a certain tone and that would be enough to be quite hurtful (and yeah, Mina's line suggests that at least she suspects some are saying that). They could easily not give accounts to them, or back out of existing contracts, and apologize by saying they were used to counting on Mr. Hawkins' many years of experience, but Mr. Harker is... newer to this. They could just fail to make any social offers, in a way that the Harker probably couldn't call anyone out on. And so on.

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Hiii

Do you have more Ginny headcanon ?

Do you have fifteen hours?

I'd say most of my headcanons are more like deductions from canon to be honest. You can find some of them in my one-shots. Anyway, I'll try to make a list of strictly Ginny headcanons.

her favourite colour is green (which between Harry's eyes and the Harpies is basically canon, it's like saying that red being Harry's favourite colour is a headcanon)

as we all know Ginny loves cats, but seeing that her family could never afford to buy her one, she always had in mind that with her first paycheck, she would buy her first cat, and she does

when she was little she wrote adventure stories about her and The Boy Who Lived

writing was a part of her healing process after the Chamber

in her second year, Dumbledore invited her many times to play chess and it was a subtle way to bring her to open up about the diary (this is technically not canon but it's way more canon complaint that Dumbledore did this than the idea that he didn't, both from the perspective of him being a good loving man despite it all, and the cynical perspective of him wanting to know more about Riddle)

I'm a strong supporter of the universally accepted headcanon of Ginny and Sirius having late-night chats at Grimmauld Place

Ginny jokingly promised Sirius that if she and Harry would've actually ended up together (like Sirius seemed to believe) she would've called her first boy after him

as the years go by, she and Rita Skeeter develop a sort of frenemies situation (this is actually something I've been thinking of writing about for a long time)

with tpfy @takearisk-ao3 made me fall in love with the idea that Smith would remain an annoying presence in her life

she was arrested at least once while Harry was already Head Auror, it was very embarrassing for the Aurors involved

McGonagall asked her to become Head Girl but she turned it down

she was the first woman to become sports editor for the Daily Prophet (for who doesn't know this: sports journalism is an exetremely sexist field)

I can't imagine Ginny as anything but the coolest of mothers

every young Quidditch player dreams of the stamp of approval from Ginny Potter, if she says a player is going to be great then that player is going to be great, she very much has the power of influencing the players' market with her opinions

in general, I imagine Ginny as eventually a very revolutionary, iconic, and borderline intimidating figure of sports journalism, someone people would aspire to work with and become like (a sort of way less workaholic and good version of Miranda Priestly)

obviously, she published books, but I totally see her publishing also novels and I think that Ginny specifically writing children's novels in her last years would be a very full circle moment seeing that she started the story in love with The Boy Who Lived

I'm kind of into the idea of Ginny eventually starting her own newspaper (with Albus, because I headcanon him as a journalist too)

she is extremely careful in making sure Lily Luna never thinks she can't do something because she is a girl and she makes sure James and Albus never shove her aside

she loves Harry's smile (this is kind of canon, to be honest, fourth book) and she absolutely adores the sound of his laugh

she rescues animals like it's her job, the Potter house is filled with rescues (Harry is always grumpy at first about it, more because he feels like someone should be the reasonable one but secretly it's just one of the many things he loves about her)

the animals obviously have the weirdest names

she kind of likes Slughorn, in the way you like a weird uncle you see once a year

she absolutely can cook, she is the only daughter of Molly Weasley, of course she can cook, she just doesn't like doing it most of the time

even after she stops playing she still keeps doing regular physical exercise

absolutely accidental fashion icon

Ginevra was the name of her half-Italian maternal grandmother who died of a broken heart after Gideon and Fabian's deaths

she passes on to her kids her arts and crafts love, but especially to Teddy

All is well is something she started saying to Harry after he had nightmares, eventually, Harry started doing it with her too, and it sort of became their mantra

she was a bit disturbed by the fact that she would never be able to know if James and Lily would have approved of her, she went alone to their graves the day before her wedding to talk with them

this is substantially canon, but according to JKR, when yew wands (like Ginny's) get buried with their owner, a yew tree is born from the grave and I adore that image (the tree protects Harry's grave too)

I'm pretty sure I could go on for an eternity but let's stop here.

[justmybookthots]

Hush, Hush

The reason I read this? Because a booktuber I was following shared an hour-long video of her reacting to the entire series and I was like: hey! I read part of the first book as a teen! And since I just recently reread City of Bones (see review), why not continue my streak of rereading trashy YA relics? It's the archaeologist in me speaking, I swear. And also the masochist!

Now, after finishing this book, I have come to announce in my review that I am really, really burnt-out. 😂 It's… a lot of teenage angst. I'm only done with the first book and this madwoman pushed herself and read ALL FOUR BOOKS:

The sheer IRONY of her video title given that I read it because I saw her video, LOL.

So I don't even know how to begin this review. First of all, I definitely found City of Bones more enjoyable than this. Does it mean City of Bones is a better book? Eh. I think CoB had more things in the plot to distract me (finding the Cup, lots of magical adventure) from the main leads, but this book circles a lot around Patch and Nora. 

And boy were both of them the weirdest people to exist. 

I want to say they're a product of their time, and in a way they are, but I've also seen other books in this time that aren't this bad. Regardless, you can really see how aged the book is from this interaction here:

All the mean-girl Marcie did call Nora was "geek" and "freak" but Nora? Not just did she slut-shame Marcie, she called her an anorexic pig. This is our heroine, guys. This is who we're supposed to root for. It's genuinely hilarious how the masses collectively ignored how problematic this was in 2009.

In any case: Nora spends most of her days swooning over Patch while simultaneously telling herself how dangerous he is. I get the "dangerous" part, but the swooning? What? HOW? Other than him looking (I guess?) physically attractive, there is NOTHING about him to swoon about. He is so creepy, I swear if he said half the things he did to me IRL, I'd call the cops and file a restraining order. LIKE, I'M NOT KIDDING. THIS MAN HAS ZERO GAME. ZERO. When asked by the biology teacher what he looks for in a mate (I know. The question was already, um, hella weird), Patch says things like: 

"Intelligent. Attractive. Vulnerable."

Vulnerable?? VULNERABLE. This is Creeper 101. Also during his first meeting with Nora, out of nowhere, he goes:

"Do you sleep naked?" he asked.

There's a thousand more examples of him saying the weirdest, creepiest shit, but it'd be tomorrow by the time I list them out. My point is: if this is him trying to flirt, it's giving police sirens. And Nora's reaction, instead of running from him, is to dwell on how conflicted she is about her attraction (??) and fear towards him. At some point, she's stalking his workplace to interview his coworkers if he's a felon or has a criminal record and I KID YOU NOT, her last question ending this is: Does he have a girlfriend?

And I don't even want to talk about her best "friend", Vee. I use quotation marks because this isn't really a friend but bless the author, she seems to believe Vee is remotely some kind of friend to Nora. When Elliot (some dude in the story) assaults Nora, this is what Vee says:

Guys, Elliot is going to feel so horrible tomorrow after assaulting Nora. 🙁 Vee is SO right, we need to worry about the pain he's in instead of taking the matter of assault seriously.  Because fuck your best "friend" since Elliot is more important, am I right?

To make matters worse, Elliot was assaulting Nora to try to coerce her to go on a camping trip with him and Vee. So get this: Vee, despite hearing about the assault, STILL tries to persuade Nora to go on the camping trip because it'd be fun! In the end, Vee going for the camping trip causes Nora to have to rescue her (since Elliot is obviously a deviant), and Nora practically endangers her life to save Vee's sorry ass. Me, I'm not so kind. I'd munch popcorn and sip wine and have a jolly good time picturing Vee getting murdered. Cheers!

Anyway. Negative points aside, I didn't see the Jules twist coming, and I kinda did like that. The downside, however, is that everyone is an idiot, especially Nora. For example, the new therapist Miss Greene was clearly shady from the start—she'd say the sketchiest nonsense, and Nora would just be vaguely suspicious before taking it all in stride. It's WILD. Her behaviour for 80% of this book makes zero fucking sense. The only thing I can commend her for is that she's proactively trying to solve an investigation for most of the book... even if she's going the worst possible way at it.

And also when Patch says at the end of the book that he's fallen for Nora and no longer plans to sacrifice her? I was like, WHEN? When did you fall for her? Most of your interactions were just you saying creepy stuff and her thinking about how hot and dangerous you were. When did the falling-in-love happen, exactly?

I AM SO CONFUSED.

I don't really have more to say about this book other than I am really, really hoping we (as readers or writers) have collectively moved on from this madness in 2023. In any case, will I continue this series? I don't know. I do like trashy reality TV, but too much of it and I might get a stroke. Reading City of Bones and then this almost back to back has taken me out. (And yet… there is a distant INANE part of me that's whispering: Time to go back and reread every trashy YA series circa 2010.)

- 16 Nov 2023

[memorymessage]

my body dysmorphia gets- just- completely uncalled for and out of control in my dreams sometimes

sometimes (often, sadly) i'll have dreams where any time i'm around people, everyone acts like i'm the most hideous, abhorrent creature—no one wants to talk to me, people subtly make fun of me, they speak over me or otherwise avoid me.

this did actually happen to me once in real life when i went to my first anime convention. but it might not be because they thought of me as some hideous creature—i was 13, and they were all 18-20 (i had to have my 18yo friend sign in as my guardian to even get into the event), and i honestly wouldn't want to hang out with a 13yo at 18 anyway.

but maybe some of them did think of me as fat and ugly. my friend's sister was 14, and they didn't treat her badly. she was actually who i was hanging out with most, before her friend got there. after he arrived, he started treating me like a freak as well, and my friend's sister stopped talking to me, too.

they were all really rude, and i literally did not have a choice in being a part of their group, since minors cannot be unattended. i would be lying if i said that one incident didn't damage my self perception irreparably. i felt so disgusting that whole day, i had to have my dad come pick me up early.

shortly after that, my ED started getting bad—i became underweight, and i got really good with hair and makeup. i still remember having thoughts like "i wonder if i went to back to that convention and ran into them again, if they would still treat me badly."

i just... i have a feeling i know the answer to that question. and it's part of the reason i have these types of dreams to this day.

but BDD feels like... it doesn't matter how much weight you lose, or how you do your hair or makeup. deep down, even unconsciously, you still think of yourself as that ugly, fat pariah. maybe they would have treated me better for being "prettier", but the damage was already done.

after i stopped doing hair and make up, gained weight, and started experimenting with gender identity, all those feelings came to the surface again. like i couldn't hide myself in an outward shield of being "conventionally attractive" with my fake face and fake hair anymore. any time i would go to a party, i would have this permanent unconscious awareness that i am the weirdest one in the entire room—i do not belong.

13 year old me sitting alone in a corner of a convention center floor while an entire group chats amongst themselves. that's who i am. that's where i belong.

at these parties in my late teens and early 20s, any time guys would show interest in me or try to hookup with me i would just think to myself "they're probably just desperate and going for the fattest, ugliest fish in the barrel because they think it's easier."

there was one guy that repeatedly showed interest in me and would go out of his way to hang out with me, hug me, talk to me, etc. and all i could think was "he probably has a bleeding heart and feels bad for me. the attention is just pity."

i still 100% believe all these rhetorics. to this day. i feel like i can't even hide my ugliness beneath makeup anymore. sure it makes me look better than my usual appearance, but... it's like putting lipstick on a pig.

and yes, social isolation has damaged me irreparably as well. i never have my poor self perception challenged. i think of myself like a freakish alien and am allowed to persist with that idea because i have no one to challenge it. i sit alone with my body dysmorphia and let my ideas of myself run wild—my features metaphorically warp until i'm a twisted amalgamation of a human with barely any humanity left in my countenance, and i don't have anybody there to ground me back to reality with a simple "you look nice today."

i've told myself so many times that i can't rely on the positive comments of others to heal my broken self perception—it puts too much power of validation in the hands of others. usually, that is how one deals with intense body dysmorphia, to not seek outward validation. but i am an isolated being—an anomaly to the standard of healing, because not only do i not have anybody to give a compliment here or there, i don't have anybody to simply perceive me.

see me, treat me as another normal person. just give me some sort of sign that i am not hideous.

my outings are so rare, i'm looking over my shoulder at my shadow to make sure it hasn't morphed into an amorphous creature on the rare occasions i do step out.

and yet...

it doesn't even matter.

what i do and how i live my life doesn't matter. it's never changed. nothing i have ever done has ever changed how i see myself—it didn't matter when i was spending 2 hours a day on hair and makeup, it doesn't matter now rolling out of bed with matted, thinning hair.

i will always hate myself

always

[peralta-guaranteed]

Jake's accidental baby aquisition AU.

Pre - relationship with Amy.

(this is unrealistic as hell but I just really wanted to make it work. Sorry to Child Protective Services for being so wrongly presented)

- it was a perfectly normal day at the precinct, surprisingly quiet because Jake+Charles were out investigating some gang-related break-ins in a really bad area, but that all falls to the wayside when they come out of the elevator and Jake is. Holding a child. A baby. A tiny human being. Alive. In his arms. Not freaking out. Just, like, there on his hip, looking around at this new strange place.

- "Peralta, why do you have a child with you" "Oh they had a special offer at the bodega, should I've gotten you one too Cap?" "WHAT" "Chill Terry, it was a joke. This li'l cutester has been abandoned two houses down from where we were searching. They left a note and everything. Lucky she can't walk yet, apparently, or she probably would've been off who knows where. She was just strapped into her carrier with lots of gawkers around. So when someone said 'we should probably call the police', well, we were close by." "That is not the correct procedure for such a case-" "Yeah yeah, we called CPS from the car already. They're picking her up in an hour."

- "How do you... how do you know it's a girl" "well, duh, her onesie is pink" "Jake..." "Also there was a note, Ames, her name is Holly! Like Holly Gennaro! Can you believe? It's like I was meant to find her. Except not, of course, because no one should leave a baby on the sidewalk, but, you know."

- and then Jake just spends the whole hour caring for the baby. Like, actively caring. He basically doesn't put her down once (except for when Terry needs to change her diaper - Charles had already run out to get a whole starter set of babby supplies at a store nearby - and even then he's looking over Terry's shoulder and obviously, actively watching to make sure this father of two is doing it right) and it's a good thing, because as soon as he tries to hand Bonny over to someone else she will start wailing. So he basically goes on with his day with a kid on his hip and it's the weirdest thing any of them have ever seen.

- what's the most weird about it, though, is that it all seems so normal. Like, Jake is not freaking out at all. He's not panicking or trying to rig up weird solutions to things, he's just... doing it all right. He sways and juggles her when she gets fussy or close to crying, he wipes her hands and slobbery mouth after she's chewed on a rice husk from Terry's lunch, he holds her bottle while she empties it in record time and even burps her right (although she does end up spitting over his flannel because he forgot a cloth to cover it, so now he's in just his undershirt and Amy's already freaking out mind is exploding).

- because, yeah, Amy cannot stop staring. And thinking things. Things she really should not be thinking about a friend who she definitely doesn't have a crush on anymore at all, and who is absolutely not boyfriend-material, let alone dad-material, no matter how sweet and soft his voice is as he talks to Holly as if she can understand him like a normal adult would.

- "Dude, how are you this good with children, what is happening" Rosa asks before she can and Jake shrugs. "I dunno, little kids and me have always been sympatico. S'long as they can't speak yet to argue with the bullshit I'm spouting, they like me." "Also I used to help Gina when she wanted to earn money babysitting but never really cared about the baby or the sitting part of it all"

- When a lady from CPS finally shows up, Jake seems very reluctant to hand little Holly over. Luckily he doesn't have to immediately, because the lady says that they need to find foster care for her at first, at least for the night, and it's very short notice, and every foster family is full up, and she's still waiting for an answer from the housing group that might have a room free, and- "what, like a halfway house for kids? How long is she gonna be stuck there?" "Oh a week at most, maybe two, but-" "Noo, nope. Not doing that. Nah. I'm taking her home and you can find a proper foster family for her." "That is not at all how this works, there is paperwork involved and-" "I'm a detective. You know where I work. How in the world am I gonna steal a child or whatever it is you're worried about-"

- They argue in the bullpen like that for quite a while, because.. well you can't just take a random kid home with you, but this is also Jake Peralta we're talking about, and he genuinely manages to argue his way AND annoy the poor lady into giving up at the same time. Which means that now Jake is holding Holly in a kids+family store, with Amy (who refused to let him do this alone, god knows what he'll buy, she has a list of necessities she found online) and Charles (who begged to come along with THEM and A BABY) and two cart fulls of stuff he will need to have a baby in his home for a week. It still sounds crazy to Amy.

- he's actually taking a week off with his PTO that he never, ever uses, so he can watch Holly the whole day and not have to hand her over to his mom or someone, he explains while they load his car with all the things. Amy's mind is boggled, but she also suddenly feels really sad, because that means she won't see him for a week, and also she won't see him with the baby, which is quickly becoming her very favourite look of Jake Peralta.

- so obviously she offers to stay for the first evening (when Charles is already gone, luckily) because no matter how well you are doing, Jake, you will need some help getting it all sorted the first day. And he grumbles, but he is also very grateful when she figures out how to get the turtle mobile working over that little travel cot they got, and when she finds the baby-friendly section on Netflix. Not that they watch much of it, it's mostly on in the background for music while Jake plays with Holly and feeds her dinner and bathtime and nightnight songs and Amy is about to die from the domesticity of it all.

- so much so that she doesn't even notice she's curled up on his couch watching some sort of baby cartoon even as Holly is already snoring in her cot a few feet away from her, and Jake hands her a hot chocolate as thanks for the help, settles down next to her and switches to a more fitting show (set on low volume so Holly can sleep).

- Amy sleeps over on the couch in the end because it's... late and the metro back to her place is so bad and... well, she just does. And when Holly wakes her up crying in the night, she's barely got a foot on the floor before Jake is there to soothe the baby. It doesn't work this time, though, not until Amy lifts her out of his arms and gives it a try by singing a Spanish lullaby she remembers from her mom, and Holly calms down and falls asleep again before the song ends.

- (and maybe she's just imagined it, but she's pretty sure Jake looked at her while she was singing in a way she's never seen before. But she can't think about that, not when she falls back asleep on the couch and he in his bed, and not when she wakes up to Jake already changing Holly and excitedly telling her what sort of veggie mush she's going to get for breakfast. "You're so cute, the sweetest thing." She hears him whisper to the baby while she still pretends to sleep. "How could anyone just leave you behind?" And oh no, oh Jake. She wants to hold him so bad, but all she gets is a quick hug after breakfast when she gets ready to leave for work.)

- Amy checks in on them every day after work, and mostly takes them out on walks (because babies need fresh air, Jake. Okay, and where in Brooklyn are we gonna find that, Ames?) and to the park. Jake is doing an excellent job, but she can also see the bags under his eyes grow with every day. But they're the worst a day after CPS came in and told them they found a suitable foster family and Holly is gone as quickly as she showed up.

- Amy helped him bag up all the things they bought for her so her new foster family can take them with them (they seem like lovely people, with two older kids already, and Amy is definitely doing a background check on them as soon as she gets back to work). She doesn't say anything when she notices that he's kept the little turtle mobile.

- He takes another 2 days off, and all is back to normal when he returns, the usual jokes and stupid pranks and bets and 99 chaos, but she sees him wave and pull funny faces at any baby while getting street food or on door duty, and he always looks a little sad after.

- a few years later, when they're finally sleeping together in their bed, when Jake has finally moved in and Amy saw the little turtle mobile tucked into a box of keepsakes, she asks. "I wonder how little Holly is doing right now. Do you remember her?" "Oh, she's starting kindergarten soon. I got her the big, cool set of crayons for it. With the sharpener in the box." And how the hell did she ever think, for one second, that Jake didn't keep up with the baby that was his for a week.

[jtrokujo]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐊

paring: Tobio Kageyama x fem!Reader

word count: 2.9k

warnings: for people who are dealing with depression or who are currently lonely etc please talk to someone. I don't know myself if that needs a warning, but I still wanted to write it here.

gerne: depression

summary: from a happy relationship to pure loneliness. even though the relationship was so beautiful it ended anyway, would they ever talk to each other again?

—

The days are just around the corner.

The days we are together, but unfortunately also the last time, because after this day everyone goes their own way.

You grow up, some start your own family, buy a big house, a pet, but the question is, do I want that?

This is the life that probably every average adult and I don't want such a life, I want to have someone by my side with whom I can be happy, I don't want more.

This someone shouldn't be anyone other than Tobio Kageyama, but we argued and definitely 2 months before our prom and whether it was enough, it was not a 'normal' argument where you get along after 10 or 5 minutes.

No, we had and separated, the relationship was over.

I don't remember how it really came about, because this argument was pure escalation.

We screamed and so loudly that I didn't know myself whether this could be normal for a person.

But I can remember one part of our argument all too well when Kageyama threw our photo on the wall so that the panes of glass were spread across the floor.

It was the picture with the most emotions, these moments were so beautiful that we did everything that nothing would ever come that could destroy something like that, we were either naive or stupid.

This picture was on our anniversary, our 2 year old, the day that made us naive that we could be together forever.

We were together for a lovely 2 years, I was at his games, we bought mangas, drank our coffee together and ate our favorite cake over our favorite coffee, where we also had our second date.

I remember too well how Kageyama tried to ask me at the time if I would go to the school ball with him, after I answered 'yes' he hugged me by putting all his weight on my body, a little heavy.

But I should seriously stop thinking about the old days after knowing his face - and he is mine.

There are also enough boys or even easier, I just don't go there, but I still have to think about the expensive dress my parents had saved for me.

Knowing not to dress just because of a guy shows how weak I am, I just let my dreams, which I've had for years, burst?

Even when I was little I dreamed of dancing with my lover in front of all classmates, how his amorous eyes met mine and then he just wanted to be with me, which is why he took my hand and we together from school, or wherever we are, and then he just looks at me and says how much he loves me, until it rains in a moment and we still dance together until the night ends.

However, we stopped and his steps approached me and his eyes met my lips, that's the moment, in the middle of the rain he would kiss me.

That's the stereotype that almost every girl had, but only almost.

By that I mean your lover kisses you in the middle of the rain.

It's only noon.

I should make something of my day instead of just thinking about the weirdest things, or about him.

With no motivation whatsoever, she took her cell phone and wrote to a good friend.

TIME SKIP

"Really, I'm proud of you for going out. Believe me or not, but I was seriously worried that you would spend your life thinking until prom."

Said the young volleyball player from her school and hugged her as he finished his sentence.

"I'm fine and you don't have to worry about me, Sugawara."

She muttered while her head stayed on his left chest and she could feel his heartbeat.

Walking together in the city they talk about a different topic every 5 minutes and none of them seem to bother, sometimes they talk about silly series, sometimes they gossip about their classmates, sometimes they give each other little advice until he said this " Tell me, do you already have a mask? "

She looked at him in amazement and asked "Which mask?"

"We have the topic of the masked ball, you were in favor of it when we talked to the others about it."

Not all of that.

Annoyed, she sighed and saw a mother taking care of her daughter, who has a small wound.

"(Y / N)?" he asked her and grabbed her shoulders and said right away, "How about we take a little break. I heard that the new animated film isn't that bad after all, come on."

Nobody who could see her from the outside could say she was crying, but she did, unfortunately couldn't.

Your body doesn't cry, your mind does.

To know someone like Sugawara is like a gift from heaven, a pure guardian angel.

When we arrived at the cinema, (Y / N) paid Ticktes and Sugawara for the meal.

Strangers would think it was a date, even if it was a friendship date, because just being friends with the opposite sex doesn't mean that they can be a couple or anything else.

(Y / N) should already choose a place and not long she found one, if that wasn't enough, but the hall is empty, a dream come true, sitting she took her cell phone and scrolled through her gallery, two words , a mistake.

Every second photo feels like it is from Kageyama.

Small tears welled up in her eyes, but she knew he wasn't worth it.

"(Y / N)?" she hears Sugawara's voice in amazement.

She turned and got his attention.

Sitting comfortably he started to eat and asked her if her cell phone was on mute, nodding she answered him and asked him if she could rest her head.

"Uh, of course, why not?" and made himself comfortable.

And now the 15 minute long commercials started.

TIME SKIP

Together with a friend in the shop, the two teenagers look for a mask to steal away the ball.

The mood for it is in the basement.

For once, she goes with someone who is also a gentleman and whether it is not enough, it cannot be overlooked that he has feelings for the classmate.

But what about (Y / N)?

She wants to have time for herself, because you don't necessarily need a partner to be happy, there is also no need.

In addition, she unfortunately still loves him, but the thought of him immediately occurred to her, where is he?

They go to the same class and when school is over she has to go to the sports hall because there is a shorter way and she still doesn't see him, then the thought occurred to her, 'He's not worth it'.

And where are you now?

It is hard to believe that all of the stores are at a tailor's.

But for that the old man seems to be able to do it pretty well, the prices could do away with one or the other, but you only live that way once.

While the friend was still choosing what her mask should look like, (Y / N) already got an idea and told the old man that she had an idea.

Because of her little mental breakdowns, it's nice to see that she has other things on her mind, but while she's talking to the old man about the mask and he's already preparing a sketch, the black-haired one is on the other side of town, alone though not.

"You don't even try to get in touch with her. What you said to her shouldn't say anything to anyone, so go to her tomorrow at school and apologize, then you can both live in peace."

Immediately after the little volleyball player finished his sentence, the black haired volleyball player threw him in the face, silencing him.

"H-hey! What was that supposed to mean?"

"You should stop talking!"

Kageyama yelled at his friend.

"You made me come with you!" he pisses at him.

Trapped in his own mind, Kageyama threw the ball to Hinata, his mistake being that he 1. hit it too hard and 2. the ball was a little too high, which is an advantage for Hinata.

Fixing on the ball, he jumped into the heights of the ball and hit it.

Immediately the ball landed roughly on Kageyama's face, holding his nose painfully, which was bleeding from himself.

Hinata, who is somewhat panicked, apologized several times and handed him a small handkerchief.

That still has him, probably what the pain his ex-girlfriend had to endure immediately after he ended the relationship with her, but he doubts that right away, pain like the one he has is not at all comparable to that of (Y / N) and many other people.

Trapped in his own mind, Kageyama threw the ball to Hinata, his mistake being that he 1. hit it too hard and 2. the ball was a little too high, which is an advantage for Hinata.

Fixing on the ball, he jumped into the heights of the ball and hit it.

Immediately the ball landed roughly on Kageyama's face, holding his nose painfully, which was bleeding from himself.

Hinata, who is somewhat panicked, apologized several times and handed him a small handkerchief.

That still has him, probably what the pain his ex-girlfriend had to endure immediately after he ended the relationship with her, but he doubts that right away, pain like the one he has is not at all comparable to that of (Y / N) and many other people.

He looked at his hand, which was covered with blood, he immediately took his bottle with his free hand and poured it over his hand.

Then he looked at Hinata and sighed, "Let's go shopping tomorrow."

Hinata himself noticed how his friend was changing, but he does not want to interfere in matters that do not concern him, but unfortunately he knew too well that it cannot go on like this and since Kageyama and something has happened Hinata reached for his cell phone and wrote (Y / N).

It is late in the evening when (Y / N) came home safe and sound, she took a warm shower, but immediately afterwards she went straight to her room without having eaten anything.

She carefully took her finished mask out of her bag, then took out her headphones, snacks, her wallet and her cell phone, when she wanted to see if she got a message from her friend, she saw that she had one about 3 hours ago Message received from Hinata.

Hey (Y / N), do you have time tomorrow?

Want to annoy you. :)

She couldn't help but grin and wrote to him to get a volleyball.

It's nice to have someone like Hinata because no matter what comes between you, he's always there for you.

Hinata wrote her that she should have nice dreams and was offline immediately afterwards.

(Y / N) decided to sleep right after, because even if she wasn't in the mood to meet anyone before that, apart from her friend from lunchtime, saying no to Hinata is a big taboo.

The next morning (Y / N) got ready and told her parents that Hinata was coming.

Snacks on the desk, the cuddly pillows spread out on the bed and the old Nintendo lying in bed.

Riding a bike with a rucksack, little Orange made his way to his girlfriend.

The weather was too good enough for such a day, because the sun was covered by wool and the clouds are gray, not white like yesterday.

But that didn't stop Hinata from being happy.

After about half an hour, Hinata finally arrived late, he put his bike right next to the door of the (H / C) hairy girl and rang the bell.

Without waiting long the door opened, contrary to what he expected, he saw his girlfriend with an honest smile.

After a short hug, he entered the little house, but of course he took off his shoes for the first time.

While the two friends were having fun, the black-haired one sits alone in his room and watches his favorite films.

Today the day has arrived.

This morning (Y / N) had showered and at the moment she was doing her hair with the help of her mother.

At the same time, Kageyama is pondering in the shower while the water flows through his body.

When the hairstyle fits perfectly on the head (Y / N) just pulled a thin dressing gown under her underwear and watched the new episodes of her series at the same time.

She looks at her cell phone every now and then and notices how slowly the time goes by.

She still has a good 5 hours ahead of her.

TIME SKIP

While her mother helps her to lock the dress, (Y / N) stared at the floor thoughtfully.

"You look like a little princess." said her mother to her and her ear and she looked at the mirror which is in front of them and touched her daughter's shoulders.

A little insecure, she cocked her head and looked in the mirror and she looks pretty pretty.

The hairstyle fits perfectly in the head, the dress exudes an extraordinary aura and now the only thing missing is the mask.

"Where's my mask." she asked her mother, she will get it right away which one was on her bed.

"Thanks." she thanked her and hugged her mother, but not only because of this mask, no.

When she found out that her daughter's relationship was failing, she was always there for her daughter and even managed to cheer her up.

"You have to be there in 20 minutes, come I'll drive you there." said the mother and went ahead.

(Y / N) quickly took her little bag and put her cell phone, power bank and mask there before she left her room.

In the car she asked her mother if she could also pick up Hinata, with a 'yes' she agreed and drove in the direction of the orange-haired one.

He was about to set off on a bicycle when his mother honked the horn and drew attention to him (Y / N), got out of the car and said loudly that he should get in.

Hinata quickly told his mother that he was being driven and ran straight to his girlfriend. "You look great, Hinata." she said to him with which he said, "You always do that." answered.

Giggling, the friends sat down in the car and talked about 10 different topics in this short drive.

"We are there." said the mother.

As they got out, they thanked them and made their way into the building.

"Nervous?" asked Hinata (Y / N), she just shook her head and said that they should go inside.

They parted ways in the building as they are now keeping their friends for company.

Hinata went to his volleyball and greeted each one of them.

(Y / N) went to her small circle of friends and hugged each of them with a warm hug. She noticed that she had forgotten to put on her mask, what she is doing now.

Kageyama, who also talks to Hinata, looks out for his ex-girlfriend, because the only thing he still wants to do is to apologize, he was cowardly yes.

That's why he's so eager to apologize today and besides, he still loves her but he knows himself that it might be better not to get together with her again.

The crowds of students drink some punch, some dance like crazy or talk.

After the time the music got a bit too loud for (Y / N), so she leaves the building and takes a little break.

Without knowing someone else came out the door and it was none other than Kageyama.

"(Y / N)." she heard him say her name, unfortunately she knew that voice too well.

Turning around nervously, she saw him taking the mask off his face, she did the same and asked him what he was doing here.

"I wanted to apologize to you, apologize for how I treated you.

We both know you deserve someone better. I'm terribly sorry (Y / N). "

Kageyama apologized and bowed to (Y / N), of course she was a bit overwhelmed but immediately said "You don't have to apologize for what you are not guilty of, we both made a mistake, so I just think we don't need an apology. "

He hugged her warmly and mumbled softly "Do you think we could become something?"

"Sure, but we shouldn't think about tomorrow if you get what I'm talking about."

Nodding, he continued the hug until she said, "Let's go in, I'm getting cold, aren't you?"

"No, but I think you're right."

TIME SKIP

It has been a total of 2 years after graduation.

The black-haired guy was just getting the last boxes out of the car, while (Y / N) put the boxes in the respective room.

Kageyama quietly crept behind (Y / N) and covered her eyes "Kageyama since I've been your fiancée you can't seem to do anything other than cover my eyes, right?"

She giggled and took his hands from her eyes.

He just giggled and shrugged his shoulders and asked "Shall we order food today?"

"Only when you talk."

"Yeah ok, lazy." he mumbled, but he wasn't quiet enough because she threw one of the little things at him.

"I heard it."

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Summary: Winry sat in the optimal place to study in the school cafe for the entire fall semester. Then spring came, and suddenly some self-entitled twit who dressed like off-brand Gerard Way decided it was his territory. He was so not going to get off easy.

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.8k words of coffee shop/college AU with a side of enemies to almost-lovers

A/N: It's finals week, I posted this on Ao3 at almost 5am, and if the rest of the sentence didn't make it obvious, I'm writing from unfortunate experience. Not beta-ed or proofread, although I happened to see one thing to fix when I woke up this morning. Feel my raw power. Rawr.

It wasn't that big a deal.

It kind of really was, though.

Every Thursday morning during the fall semester, Winry sat in the same spot at the same school coffee shop. It was the spot sent by the entire patron pantheon of cram papers. Maybe one person didn't need an entire booth, but it was in the corner, and the tops of the bench seats had opaque plastic barriers that just so happened to be perfect for minimizing excess visual chaos. For the most part, there weren't loud conversations, and the jazz music that came through the speakers helped her tune out people ordering coffee. Add to that the fact that she could use campus flex dollars and not her own bank account that was begging for mercy, and it was the perfect spot to get papers done.

But apparently not this spring.

As soon as Winry walked in, she noticed him in the corner. Some emo wannabe guy on his computer. Probably on Reddit complaining about how women didn't appreciate the amazing pics he sent them on Tinder. Or at least, it was a fair guess based on the sour look on his face. Why did this guy of all people have to steal the holy grail spot? Ugh. She was still gonna get her coffee, darn it.

"You know the deal, Sciezska. Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer."

"On it! You paying in flex?"

"Yeah." She scanned her student ID and lowered her voice. "Who's off-brand Gerard Way in the corner?"

"Who's Ger—"

"The punk kid."

"Ohhh. I can try to get his number for you, if you want."

"No, he looks like a total tool! And not the kind I like dealing with!"

"Which means you think he's hot. I didn't think you were into that type, but you're not wrong."

"For the last time, no, Sciezska! He took my spot! And I'm trying very, very hard to keep this to a stage whisper, but if you keep trying to set me up with some random creep, I won't be able to!"

A distinctly male voice grumbled, "I'm not a creep."

"Keep telling that to the girls on Tinder. I'm sure they'll understand eventually."

"Yeah, and I'll bet if you look at your 'Live, Laugh, Love' sign a little more, you'll understand it eventually." He mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that, Mr. Nice Guy?"

"Lay off, it's eight in the morning. I said the only reason I even have a Tinder account is because my roommate stole my phone while I was going to the bathroom."

"Well, if you didn't want it, why didn't you delete it?"

"Eh, I figured if I really got sick of being single one day, it'd already be there."

"Never would have guessed you were single," Winry said dryly.

"Come on, it's way too early to be rubbing that kind of crap in. Who says I'm not fine with being single anyway?"

Sciezska timidly spoke up. "Medium roast with espresso and vanilla creamer?"

Winry thanked her as red jacket boy continued. "'Edward Elric, Bachelor.' Almost sounds as good as 'Edward Elric, Bachelor of Science.'"

"B.S. degree. Sounds about right."

"About time you stopped acting like I'm an idiot!"

Winry snorted. "That's not what I meant."

"Hey!"

"And with that, I'm going to go find some other spot to write my paper."

Edward, as his name apparently was, scoffed and mumbled something that sounded like "good riddance". Maybe the librarians wouldn't get on her case too much for bringing in coffee.

-----

A week later, Winry walked into the cafe, assuming the circumstances of the previous week were an anomaly. They were not.

"Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer," she grumbled and sulked in the direction of the corner seat.

"Hey, don't start with me again, blondie. I've had a whopping four hours of sleep and I can't promise you'll like what comes out of my mouth."

"We're at a coffee shop. Get some coffee. I can't help it if you're too hung over to be polite."

"Now look, genius. I did not stay up until 4 A.M. working on a stupid chem paper for that sadistic pyromaniac excuse for a professor just for some random chick to accuse me of being hung over."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And for your information, coffee doesn't really help me wake up. It just helps me focus on homework." He lifted up his empty cup and gave it a shake.

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard."

"ADHD is a weird thing, and yet, here I am."

"Huh, interesting."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pick up where I left off with the same stupid ten page paper I started last night."

"Oh right. Sure," Winry stammered. "Listen, I'm really sorry I just assumed things about you. It was wrong of me, and I'd like to make it up to you, if that's okay."

Edward eyed her suspiciously. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well...I could look over your paper once you're done writing it? I've got a paper of my own to write while I'm waiting, and I can sit right across the table here so you don't have to come get me. I won't try to talk to you or anything. Neither of us need that kind of distraction."

"Alright, alright. Get your coffee and sit down. The girl at the counter's been up there waiting for a good minute or two while you've been at confessional over here."

"Wait, she has?" Winry's eyes widened, and Edward laughed at her expense. He was kind of attractive when he wasn't scowling...wait what? She pouted and got up to retrieve her coffee. When Winry returned, she plopped down on the bench opposite Edward and opened her laptop. Peeking out from behind it, she added, "By the way, I'm Winry. I figured you ought to at least know the name of the person who's proofreading your paper."

"Well, Winry, you're the one who volunteered." The corners of his mouth twitched upward. The two worked on their assignments in silence, occasionally speaking up when necessary.

-----

Edward was in the corner again the next week as well.

"Hey, Edward! Mind if I join you for homework again?"

"Normally, I'd say no, but you didn't bother me too much last week, so you might as well." He turned away slightly.

"Great! Have you gotten your coffee yet? I didn't see a cup, and you got something the last two times."

"Eh, I haven't been here long. If you're going up and getting yours, would you mind ordering a caramel macchiato for me?" He asked, sliding his ID across the table.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be back in a sec."

She returned and slipped his ID back before pulling out her computer. "Do you have anything for me to look over this time?"

"Not this week. But if you have anything you need looked over, I can do that, too."

"Actually, I do, if you wouldn't mind."

"Winry, I just volunteered. Just send the paper to my school email. Mine's 'elricedwa'," he instructed as he proceeded to spell it.

"Medium roast and a caramel macchiato?" Sciezska called out.

"Coming!" Winry replied and turned to Edward. "I just sent it, so you should be able to start while I'm getting our stuff." Eyes glued to his laptop, Edward gave a thumbs up.

Once she returned with their drinks, Winry sat down and wordlessly set Edward's drink next to him.

"Thanks," he muttered distantly. His lips mirrored the words he was reading. Though his lips weren't plump by any stretch of the imagination, they were shapely. His steely concentration made the air leave Winry's lungs. To top it all off, the first rays of sunlight came through the window just right, hitting Edward's hair in a way that made it positively glow.

What was she thinking? Those were only the sorts of things people thought when they had a crush. She'd only had two positive interactions with him, including this one. ...well, maybe it was a crush. She could certainly do worse than someone with a questionable fashion sense. After all, he worked hard, and he got good grades, if the quality of his writing was any indication. Okay, fine. He was also drop dead gorgeous, if you could see past his clothing choices. Yeah, she had a crush.

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"...no."

"Figures. I finished reading your paper. It's not bad, I just left a few suggestions for sentence structure. Now I am going to enjoy my caramel macchiato." He took off the lid and breathed in the steam with his eyes closed, nearly drooping into the cup in content. When he opened his eyes slowly, Winry was awestruck by the similarity between the color of his eyes and his drink.

"What?" Edward furrowed his eyebrows.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything. At all. Nope."

"Okay." He shrugged. She reopened the document and went through his suggested edits. Gnawing her lip in concentration, she leaned forward a bit to settle in and tackle the editing.

"...hey, uh, Winry?" Edward gulped. "Are you going to drink your coffee?"

"Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot. Thanks, Edward!" she smiled.

"No–no problem. And you can call me Ed, you know. Most people do. Except for that excuse for a professor that calls me pipsqueak. Can you believe he's my advisor? I mean, come on, I'm a grown man. I'm not that short."

Winry made a poor attempt at containing her laughter. "Okay then, Ed. Prove it. Stand up."

"Fine." He slid out of the booth and stood. Winry followed suit and appraised their respective heights.

"Well, I'd hardly call you tall, but you're at least taller than me by a few inches, for whatever that's worth."

Edward grinned as if he had won some sort of prize. "Time for shorties to sit down now!"

"Watch it now. You're not too far from that label yourself, mister."

They both returned to their positions in the booth and worked steadily for the next hour. At the end of that time, Winry closed her laptop. "Ed, are you okay? You seem distracted."

"ADHD. I'm always distracted," he dismissed.

"No, like, are you sick or something? You did get more than four hours of sleep this time, right?"

"No comment." Ed's mouth twitched. He mumbled barely loud enough to hear, "Wouldn't have mattered anyway."

"Are you sure? If you're not feeling well, I can drive you over to the health center."

"N-no. That's not it." He exhaled, then slid a napkin across the table. His hands trembled slightly. "Anyway, here's my number. In case you need me to look over a paper. Or whatever. I've got a class soon."

Winry blushed, but tucked the napkin in her laptop. "Thanks, Ed. See you next week?"

"Yeah. Next week."

-----

Winry: This goes with your major, right?

Edward: Blocked

[leefi]

ORV Liveblog Episode 27 - Unreadable (II)

OHHHHHHH DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ME A CHARACTER FLASHBACK SCENE. DON'T YOU DARE. I'VE WATCHED JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THIS GOES

NOOOOOOOOOOO MY MEOW MEOW²

NO KIM DOKJA THIS IS HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MOMENT >:O LHS CAN DO IT HIMSELF I BELIEVE IN HIM!!!!!!!!

Wait a minute, Lee Hyunsung-ssi!

“Jung Heewon-ssi! Wake up!”

Lee Hyunsung kept running towards Jung Heewon.

He rushed as if he was angry for believing in me, the country and the manual. Lee Hyunsung’s Great Mountain Push and Jung Heewon’s Hell Flames Ignition clashed. However, the palms that could push a mountain found it hard to break through the archangel’s flames. His right arm soon started to melt from the pure white light.

“Jung Heewon-ssi!” Lee Hyunsung let out a pained and depressed cry. Lee Hyunsung lost his right arm and reached out with his left arm. I cried out urgently,

-Lee Hyunsung-ssi, if you run away then at least one of you can live.

“I don’t want to.”

-Nobody will blame you if you run away.

“I don’t want to!”

Everyone was contradictory. The person who followed the manual actually hated the manual more than anyone else. He was a creative person who were more subordinate to the system than anyone else. It was when he broke through this contradiction that his story would begin.

WWUWHWHFUFUFFHHWYWHGWG MY MEOW MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Wait but this is crazy because this character development wouldn't be happening without Kim Dokja!! Because Jung Heewon wouldn't have lived without him!! Lee Hyunsung later dies in the original two regressions and awakens his story in a different way!! But the weirdest part is that this wasn't a part of KDJ's plan - this is a completely organic consequence that grew out of LHS meeting JHW! I mentioned before how YJH only became a truly autonomous person just a few months ago but the same is true of LHS!

[The constellation ‘Master of Steel’ thinks that the incarnation ‘Lee Hyunsung’ won’t be able to handle his narrative.] The narrative of steel was hard and heavy. Lee Hyunsung wouldn’t be able to withstand it. Of course, if he was alone.

-I’ll bear it with him.

KIM DOKJAAAAAAAAAAAA

[The character ‘Jung Heewon’ is in a lost state.] [The trauma of the character ‘Jung Heewon’ is completely open.] …

…That bastard, he completely made a mess of a human’s mind.

「 I can’t forgive them… 」

Nirvana’s Thought Infection pulled all the dark parts of a person’s mind to the surface in order to settle their time in the present.

「 I should kill them. 」

Humans who faced the reality of a cliff where the future had disappeared usually lose hope. This was especially true when the reality was terrible. In the process, someone would feel despair and collapse while someone else would turn into a beast and release relentless desires. Some resisted angrily and lose their sense of reason. Once this resignation was repeated, they would find a ‘savior’ to comfort themselves. They would martyr themselves for this saviour, sacrificing their humble lives before the great ‘present.’

「 Kill all the men. 」

My baby...😭😭😭 I Would Kill For Jung Heewon. We're seeing the same risk of martyrdom through trauma with her demon slaying attribute that we do with other characters.

It's also so interesting contrasting her to someone like YJH - not just because of the similar ways they navigate their trauma - but in that KDJ already has a very high intrinsic understanding of YJH (though there are still some places where he surprises him - their one-on-one interactions are still very new/awkward). On the inverse, KDJ has spent much more time around JHW and has a better rapport with her, but...he knows nothing else about her or who she actually is. One of the reasons I love her so much is that she's this unknown variable that did exist in the original novel. But it also breaks my fucking heart that her attribute developed due to her trauma.

“Heewon-ssi.” The blazing hellfire made her face blue. This fire would eventually gnaw at her. Her tears dried as soon as they fell down. Lee Hyunsung acted unexpectedly towards her. “Excuse me for a moment.” Lee Hyunsung took the last step and embraced Jung Heewon.

wait---

It was a familiar female voice that woke Lee Hyunsung up.

“I’m choking…”

He looked down and saw Jung Heewon’s face. He looked around and it was an unimaginable sight. The steel that grew out from his body covered Jung Heewon while blocking the surrounding area.

“U-Uhh! I-I’m really sorry! I will release you now!”

Maybe it was because the melted steel wall had hardened but the steel wall wasn’t easily released. As Lee Hyunsung was feeling confused, Jung Heewon’s forehead touched Lee Hyunsung’s chest. “Thank you.”

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

IF YOUH FUAHBE HAVE A FUCIING PROBLELM WKTH THEM YOU BRING S SURIT UP IWJT NE YOU BETTER HOPE KIM DOKJA NEVER MAKES HIS WAY IP TJERE BECAUSE IT'S ON FUCKING SIGHT WITH TOJ

hold on I'm out of images please hold until the next post

[euphoriacrossing]

So while I sit here trying to get normal balloon spawns...

I may as well write a blog. I am using a guide post on how to catch normal balloon spawns to try and get more cherry blossom recipes. Well I am only half using it.. I am camping on the beach waiting for normal balloon spawns instead of going there every 0/5 ending minute. I'll share the guide on here after this if I remember, but I already got one new cherry blossom recipe just by camping on the side of the beach that balloon spawns are coming from and ignoring the bunny day balloons, so I think this could work, too.

Anyway, now story mode is over, but I still have so, so much to do that it's not even funny. I am making it my main priority to save miles up to buy all the different paths and stuff. I think I have three left to buy so roughly 6,000 miles to earn. But saving miles means making less bells as Nook mile trips are where I made the most, I think. And now I can't take them because I have no miles/am saving miles and so I don't have the bells to pay off my house or to build a new bridge or any of the things I am saving for. But in part the fact it is harder to save bells just makes it feel like I have more to do and that is comforting in a way. I want the appeal of this game to last forever but I know my brain doesn't work like that. Still for now it's the best distraction I have and I'm grateful for it.

Having the ability to make paths is tough because it's just another million decisions to make and hope I get it right or can redo it better or whatever, so that Euphoria becomes the island I dreamed it could be. Right now I have a lot of dirt paths and I think they look okay. But I plan on redoing them someday with either custom paths or maybe just the arched tile ones... I like that path style. Still I started when I just had dirt so I just kind of kept going that way.

It looks alright, I think, especially at the entrance. I haven't finished a lot of the paths on either the right (residential) side or the left (wooded area/orchard) but I have mostly finished the center which is shops and such.

(So far I've gotten a normal balloon spawn every 5 minutes! So it works to just hang around the beach and then look for the spawns at every 0 and 5 ending minute. Edit: Aw, nope just didn't get that last one... I am probably doing something wrong then. Oops Edit2: Definitely doing something wrong. Didn't get a spawn again. Oh well I'll check the guide again once I finish this post. I am also watching for wishing stars so it won't be a total waste.. though I haven't seen any of those either. Last edit: Guide said spawns don't happen every time AND I just got another regular balloon, so maybe I'm fine? I hope I am not just wasting time.)

I am moving most of the houses before I do the paths on that side which is ANOTHER expense for sure, but after seeing a couple of my friend's islands, I knew I could make the houses probably a bit straighter and I decided I want them not quite as closer together as I want everyone to be able to have a yard. One of my friends has houses that are PIN straight and have little yards to them. I don't think I can accomplish that. But I do think I can space them out far enough to fence them in and have little yards.

So I started with the last to move in which was Marina. I put her in a space both by the beach, and by my house because even though she just moved in we're absolute besties. No but honestly, I love her. She sings like everywhere she goes and it's adorable.

I would move Beau next but I think he might stay close to where he is. Unfortunately if I have to move him a little bit I first have to move his house out of the way and then move it back because you can't move buildings just a tad, you have to find a whole new spot. This is why I had to move the whole museum to a new spot as it was slightly out of line and i couldn't just move it to where it lined up. I wish i had known this when i put things there. I didn't take care placing anything because I knew it could be moved. I only ASSUMED it could be moved a small amount as well especially since I assumed correctly that you were paying for it. But no, so oh well, now I have to come up with new spots for things, that's fine. Luckily both Nook's Cranny and the Able Sisters I got in perfect alignment with resident services like I wanted to so they're all on one straight path.

Anyway, I hope I can get it looking like i want it to. I thought that decorating it how I wanted would be the hardest because I still need to find all the furniture. But the paths might give that a run for it's money when we talk about difficulty level if you include trying to get all the houses in the right position and such.

But as hard as I've been "working" (it's definitely still fun or I wouldn't do it) I have found plenty of time for play as well. Yesterday morning I visited a friend for her KK Slider concert. I luckily have a good group of friends from a discord I'm part of and a lot of them are from other countries so they experience stuff before I do and things like that. So a bunch of us visited her for her KK concert and we did some of that...

And then things got a little wild...

Lol, it was fun. I thought for a second about the state of the world but I didn't panic thankfully. I just saw a bunch of us coming together from across the globe, some of us in quaratine, almost all of us at least ADVISED not to go out unless necessary. The world is a scary place right now, but the fact we could still come together from across the globe to be silly and enjoy a game together makes me feel like everything might be alright. I mean, it would still be cool even if these things weren't going on, but the fact they are abd socialization is becoming more difficult than ever, it's cool to see an alternate means of that in action.

I can't believe I took no pictures of her super straight houses, ugh, if I go again, I will have to, they are literally perfect.

And the weirdest thing about all of this to me is how included i feel in all of this. We're all on a small AC discord together and it seems like a lot of them have maybe known each other a while. But unlike a lot of other places it doesn't feel cliquey to me. I've always been welcome to come to their islands, and they have always been very courteous when any of them have come to mine. They act as happy to see me as they do anyone else. And I've only known them a short time so it would usually feel strange to call them "friends" but it doesn't. Now obviously they could feel differently but if they do they don't show it. I am incredibly grateful to have found them. I really couldn't ask for a better group of people to play with.

I actually was invited from this tumblr. Likely after I made some kind of post about not feeling like I belonged in the AC community or something similarly emo and whiny, I'm sure. So I am surprised I was invited at all, but I am so thankful I was. It was just what i was looking for in the AC community.

(Yes! I learned cherry blossom umbrella! Balloon hunting is going fairly well considering I only had like two of the cherry blossom DIYs total before I started and now in about an hour I've doubled that.)

I do have some facebook friends and such I have play AC with, and I am also grateful for them as well of course. It has brought us closer together and I am thankful for that. I have one friend who we constantly send each other gifts like if we accidentally got two of something or a DIY we already have or just if we think something is cool, it's really fun. I enjoy mail as much in game as I do in real life.

But yeah, I was nervous when this game first came out that I would be stuck playing just with my sister. And don't get me wrong I love playing the game with her, we always have a good time. But sometimes you need socialization beyond your own family and I really saw this as my one chance to connect since I'm not very social, I am very anxious, and I just struggle with these things. I may have been right about it being my best chance at connection because I can hide a lot of the awkwardness in game. Very thankfully though, I found people who accept what I can't hide in game. And who accept me. For some reason that's just been really hard to do. Every community I am a part of I feel like an outsider until now. But yeah, I am looking forward to a continued friendship with these people and continuing to enjoy the game moving forward.

I guess I've rambled enough. I still need to get more balloons, but I can't write here forever. Though... I frequently do write far too much here and I wonder if it get read. If it doesn't I don't blame ya. But yeah. I will leave you with this adorable pic I took while Marina was singing... you can't really tell she was singing, but still, she's adorable either way.

(And don't you love this dress? I have it in I think 4 different colors, I just love it.)

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Unexpected Arrival - 6

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, possible Steve x Reader

Summary: As if working with the Avengers wasn’t exciting enough…. an unexpected visitor is about to change your life forever.

"There you guys are" Nat stated as me and Bucky walked into the common room together "where you been?"

"Buck was just helping me with something...."

"You’re not gonna end up pregnant again are you?" She smirked.

"Oh my god" i shook my head feeling my cheeks burn "really Nat?"

"What? Im just curious"

"Leave them alone" Steve scolded her as he rocked Evie gently in his arms.

"Fine! Y/N fancy coming shopping with me?" Nat asked looking hopeful.

"Id love to but im not really feeling up to it just yet"

"Okay, how about online shopping? I know you still need to get some things"

"I can do that" i nodded smiling at her.

"Lets go to my room, daddy and uncle Steve can watch miss Evie here"

"Um... ok" i turned to look at Bucky and Steve who both nodded and smiled.

"We'll be fine sweetheart" Bucky said "we know where to find you if we need you"

"Okay, if she gets hungry give her the bottle?"

"Sure, I've got this don't worry".

"Bottle? I thought you were breast feeding?" Nat looked at me "you decide to switch to formula?"

"Don't ask.... lets just go" i blushed and quickly walked out the room before i died of embarrassment.

"It was so humiliating Nat!! He was milking me like a damn cow! But i was in so much pain....." i was saying to her after she made me tell her everything, my face buried in my hands as i thought about what had happened, Nat was laughing so hard i reached over and shoved her.

"Hey!"

"Its not funny!! I really dont stand a chance with him now do i!?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if he wasn't interested before this....then i stand no chance now he’s had to do that!" I threw myself back on her bed dramatically "i thought the birth was the hardest part of having Evie.... but my god was i wrong! Sure it was the most painful part" i laughed "but all this stuff that comes after..... the hormones... the leaky boobs.... and having to deal with all this with Bucky.... knowing he wont ever feel the way i feel...."

"Okay listen to me, you might not see it but that man out there is crazy about you!"

"Are you mad?" I laughed shaking my head at my best friend.

"Maybe, its not impossible" she shrugged making me chuckle "but I'm telling you, Bucky loves you. I see the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking, even before you guys had a kid together"

"If he loved me like you say he does, why did he act like nothing happened in Alaska??"

"Now that i don't know" she shrugged while opening up the online shopping pages on the big screen "you'd have to ask him".

(Buckys POV)

"You okay Buck?" Steve asked making me turn to look at him "you've been unusually quiet"

"Yeah... yeah im fine. Just thinking"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Its just... never mind" i shook my head feeling like a dumb ass.

"Talk to me, whats on your mind?"

"I thought i could do this, you know? I thought i could be a dad to Evie and just carry on being friends with Y/N.... but its so hard not to feel more"

"Are you saying you have feelings for Y/N?"

"Ive always had feelings for her Steve, how do you think we got here! I have loved that girl from the second i met her" i finally admitted with a huge smile, it felt good to finally get it off my chest.

"This is big Buck! But i dont get it....why did you act like nothing happened after you guys slept together? You ignored her.... dated other women...."

"Wait how do you know.... has she spoken to you about what happened?" My smile dropped as i sat forward looking at Steve.

"No! No of course not!" Steve said quickly clearly lying! He was the worst liar ever!

"What did she say?"

"Nothing...."

"Steve i swear to god if you don't tell me...."

"I cant say okay, i promised her i wouldn't say anything"

"As my best and oldest friend, you better tell me what you know Steve"

Steve exhaled slowly shaking his head as he looked down at my sleeping daughter in his arms.

"Look all im going to say is if you love her, you need to tell her. Because she doesn't believe that you could possibly love her.... that she's not good enough"

"What??" I sat shaking my head "why would she ever think that??"

"You tell me Buck"

Then it suddenly made sense, i understood what Steve meant.

"Shit" i muttered pushing my hair back from my face "its because of how i acted after....."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Because i thought she deserved better, someone better than me. She's so good.... in every way and im..... well we all know how fucked up i am"

"Bucky you are not fucked up! We know that.... she knows that"

"How could she ever love me Steve?"

"I dont know pal but she does"

"What??"

"You never heard this from me you hear me??!" Steve said looking around to make sure no one else was around and i nodded quickly "Y/N loves you.... she's in love with you you idiot! She has been for a while"

"She never said anything....."

"Neither did you! She was hoping that after Alaska things would change"

"But then i ignored her and pushed her away...how could i have been so stupid!!!"

"She's convinced herself that you regretted it, that you could never love her and so she's trying to be your friend..."

"What do i do Steve?"

"Thats your call Buck"

I huffed falling back against the sofa, was Steve telling me the truth?? Was is possible that Y/N loved me??

"Can i ask you something?" I asked turning my head to face Steve, he nodded and waited for me to ask my question "do you have feelings for her?"

"W..what??" Steve stuttered as his cheeks flushed red.

"Its a simple question Steve"

"Its not a simple answer Buck...."

That night i was in bed laying on my side watching Evie sleeping in her basket next to me. The bedroom door opened and closed gently and i already knew it was Bucky, i felt the bed dip as he laid down and then his arm wrapped around my waist as he pulled himself closer.

"Hey doll" he mumbled quietly before pressing a kiss to my neck.

"Hey"

"How was your evening with Nat?"

"It was nice, i ordered some nipple pads so no more embarrassing leaks!" I said chuckling, Bucky was laughing quietly behind me "and i figured out that damn pump.... the weirdest feeling ever!"

"Oh yeah? Even weirder than what we had to do earlier?" He laughed and tightened his hold on me.

"Definitely! your way was more enjoyable" i teased but also felt my cheeks burn at the confession, thank god it was dark so he couldn't see!

"Well I'm always happy to help".

We laid in a comfortable silence both watching our daughter sleep, Bucky was stroking my stomach where his hand rested, i wasnt even sure he knew he was doing it.

"Hey Buck?"

"Yeah doll?"

"I need to ask you something...."

"Okay"

"I dont want you to get mad though, im just curious...."

"Spit it out sweetheart, you can ask me anything"

I took a deep breath gathering my nerves, i had to get this over with!!

"Why did you act like nothing happened that night in Alaska?"

His hand stilled on my stomach for a few seconds and i felt him hold his breath.

"You know what, forget i asked..." i said starting to get up but he pulled me back down to the bed holding me close again.

"Dont go" he said quietly "you just caught me off guard.... you really wanna know why?"

"Yes...."

"I acted like nothing happened because when i woke up i realised you deserved better than me doll. After everything I've done in the past.... i don't deserve someone like you. Id only be a burden on you"

"What....?" I asked not believing what i was hearing, i turned around so i was facing him "how can you say that?"

"Its true" he said giving me a sad smile.

"You’re an idiot James Barnes" i shook my head "you’re not a burden, you are the best man i know" i admitted cupping his face in my hands.

"Well thats not true.... you know Steve"

"You’re still the best man i know" i smiled at him meaning every word.

"But the things ive done...."

"That wasnt you, that was Hydra! If you had been in control of your mind you would never had done any of those things"

"But i still did it" he said sadly.

"It. Wasnt. You" i said again looking him in the eyes "you are a good man Bucky, i know you find that hard to hear but its true. And i will tell you everyday for the rest of my life if i have to" i smiled at him before leaning forward and gently kissing him.

"Doll...." he said pulling away from the kiss, shit! had i really just kissed him??

"Im sorry! I shouldn't have...."

"I love you!" he confessed instantly shutting me up.

"What did you just say....?"

"I said i love you.... im IN Love with you. Ive loved you since the second i met you" he admitted, i could tell by the look in his eyes that admitting this terrified him.

"I love you too" i told him truthfully, if he was being honest it was only fair that i did the same.

"You do?"

"Yes" i whispered before his mouth came crashing down on mine. His hands felt like they were everywhere and it was the best feeling in the world right now. It quickly became heated, i could feel his hardness rubbing against me.

"Buck....as much as i want you inside me right now i cant.... not yet" i pulled away gasping for air.

"I know baby, this is enough for now" he said as he trailed kisses down my neck and continued rubbing up against me.

"You’re gonna be the death of me Barnes!"

Taglist: @booktease21 @founding-fuck-bois @whynot3027 @xpunishedx @siren-queen03

@we-are-all-wild-things

[naruhearts]

OKAY SO I've just spent the best part of an hour scrolling through your blog and reading a bunch of your destiel meta and I HAD to message you... I was one of the many people who STRONGLY believed destiel had a chance of being canon after season 8 (more like season gr8 am i right), but throughout the years I slowly lost all hope. However, S14 has made me 110% invested in the show again and YOUR META IS GIVING ME HOPE FOR DESTIEL, which is TERRIFYING. Your writing is wonderful and I'm STRESSED.

Got back from Washington late last night!

Oh my gosh @alovelikecas, your message really made my day and I’m SO glad you enjoy my meta xox (even when most of my meta looks like, to me, sloppy-ass writing, haha! I’ll probably make an end-season meta post after 14x20 — if I have the time — that touches upon SPN’s current and repeating themes since Season New Beginnings S12/Dabb Era, not to mention I have, like, some more unfinished meta in my drafts >.>)

Yeah I mean, I didn’t join Destiel land until Summer 2016, and before that, I was late to the Season 11 party, so I basically had no narrative context for anything, and I’ll copy-paste what I said here: 

Looking back, one significant thing I recall? S11 gave me a sense of Destiel’s true narrative validity (as not a ‘fanon’ ship but organically developed in the canon) when I perceived it as a season that was ‘missing something’. Keep in mind I had no idea about Destiel yet while watching S11 at the time.

I was literally asking myself — repeatedly — why Dean/Amara seemed to contain odd narrative holes, considering A. Dean explicitly said that the non-consensual attraction he felt for Amara was NOT love and “it scares him”, B. Amara told Dean that ‘something stops you - keeps you from having it all’, C. Djinn!Amara stated that she can: ‘feel the love [Dean] feels, except it’s cloaked in shame,’ and D. Mildred’s iconic ‘You’re pining for someone’ —> which did not logically correlate with A and C, meaning: since Dean doesn’t freely love Amara and thus isn’t possibly pining for her — with female love interests as currently non-existent (I remember crossing off the dead/gone girls on a piece of paper lol) — who the hell was he pining for, then?

Originally posted by elizabethrobertajones

Obviously, without writing long-ass paragraphs of meta about it again in this post, S11 made sense as soon as I watched it within the Destiel context (especially after I read up on some grandiose pieces of Destiel meta (@charlie-minion was the very first person who inspired me to write meta; I followed her once I joined the fandom Oh my god, here we go, holy crap this subtext – I’m invested in this godforsaken ship because they’re in love with each other and I’m not getting off any time soon. The rest is history.

I’m aware that I do come off as positive (and I’m still Destiel-positive; whatever happens in 14x20 this week may or may not change that), but I hope you don’t mind if I use your lovely ask as an additional opportunity to clarify my meta standpoint: no one’s saying Destiel WILL become text. 

The general Destiel meta community (all subfactions: Destiel-positive, -negative, -neutral, and in-between) is not the Most Holy Canon Word, and we aren’t SPN writers, and again, we can’t actually speak to the veracity of Destiel as guaranteed-gonna-go-textual, but we — a diverse pool of critical thinkers from all walks of life: particularly those who have some degree of experience in literary academia/English literature studies (fun fact: I was actually pursuing a Minor’s in English until I changed my mind - my first love’s Health Science/Biology, which I stuck with, but here I am doing lit-crit analysis on the side *wink*) — can speak to the veracity of Destiel as a real, palpable, and ever-substantial long-running romance narrative aka the love story between Dean and Cas IS THERE. I see it. We all see it. We didn’t pluck it out of the random ether one day. It naturally evolved across the show’s overarching narrative like some vast spiderweb, linked together by numerous character arc amalgamations of Dean Winchester and Castiel as separate individuals who were then brought together — who brought themselves together, by the sheer force of free will and choice — and are now inherent parts of the other’s story (and respective character progression).

I say this too many times to count: the entire point of writing meta? Personally, it enables me to appreciate the literary gorgeousness of Dean and Cas’ relationship as, first and foremost, a tentative alliance offset by the very moment Cas raised Dean from perdition (it’s a poetic beginning). Their alliance then inevitably proliferated into a rocky — at times, necessarily turbulent — friendship, then a deep profound bond…one that crossed platonic boundaries since S7/8 and is, ultimately, indelibly rooted in romance. Together, Dean and Cas build up each other’s strengths, complement each other’s flaws, and narratively motivate the other to self-introspect — to become the best version of themselves that they were always meant to be: self-actualized entities who let go of their painful, horrifying, psychologically/emotionally destitute pasts.

These above reasons and more are why I think Destiel belongs right up there on the shelf of Ye Olde Classics, similar to epics by John Milton, Shakespearian tragic dramas, Homeric characteristic cruxes, and the great Odyssey journey: a legendary journey, fraught with circumstance, that finally ended with Odysseus (now an enlightened man) returning to Penelope, the love of his life.

Channeling the scope of Homer’s Odyssey, Destiel is an incredible storytelling feat of obstacles, both internal and external, romance tropes, mirroring, foreshadowing, and visual cadence/emotion, enhancing SPN’s already character-driven main plot in that Dean and Cas try to make it back to one another; like Penelope, their love holds true despite everything. If Destiel were an M/F couple, we all know their love story would be absolutely undeniable to the GA.

I do understand the bitterness S14’s fostered in some viewers, though. I do understand that Dean and Cas seem distant (and yeah, it’s a noticeable difference compared to S12/S13), but I believe the Destiel subtext is still heavy and holds steady.

Right now, at this point, there remains multiple personal issues for the characters to solve, you know? Dean and Cas aren’t talking properly; their love languages stay mistranslated, although we’re persistently shown that they still understand each other on a certain level that no one else can, and the visual narrative keeps framing them as on-the-nose solid counterparts: a domestic-spousal romantic unit independent of Sam.

Originally posted by incatastrophicmind

They want to be there for the other. They need to quash the final remnants of their respective internal loathing (Dean’s self-worthiness, Cas’ self-expendability) before they’re able to give the other 100% of their time, efforts, attention, and love (as flawed and complicated but compellingly beautiful as it can possibly be). During the times Dean and Cas do try to talk shit out, extraneous issues continue to get between them.

As other friends/meta pals discussed with me, S14 is like S10 in that it’s confusing the cast/audiences. And exactly: S8, besides S11/S12/early S13, also belongs in the close-to-canon serious Destiel narrative transition! I can discuss the showrunning/writer problem of SBL (Singer + Bucklemming; @occamshipper hits the nail on the head) that tugs subtext – especially subtext linked to Destiel – back and forth, sometimes in the weirdest nonsensical ways, but I won’t go too far into it here. I agree, however, with the recent idea that Jensen does seem a bit confused as to where he should bring Dean emotionally this season (don’t get me wrong, I do NOT believe Dean is OOC; OOC is a completely different concept vs expected character behaviour). And if Dean’s consistently romance-coded past interactions with Cas are any indication, Jensen would also — in the same vein as all of us — want Dean and Cas to start getting their shit together. Long-running fictional characters like Dean and Cas, conceived over 10 years, are so well-written to the point where you, the author, can predict what they’ll do even if you just plop both of them inside a room and give them no direction, and I personally feel that nowadays Jensen is prevented from achieving Dean’s further internal growth/unsure how to act in the moment because of some dumb SBL scripts saying one thing while his character’s heart says another. Wank aside—

Season 15 should hopefully convey a much more logical subtextual perspective e.g. unbelievably amazingly cohesive Season Destiel 11 that aired after choppy S10. Not all hope is lost!! I also want to clarify that I personally LOVED Season 14 in general. It’s been mostly Emotion-centric constant, with Yockey, Berens, Perez, and Dabb usually making my top-rank SPN writer list.

Currently the narrative’s still allowing pretty significant (imho) wiggle room for the lovers to fracture apart and get back together, where their miscommunication comes to a dramatic head. We just saw Dean and Cas argue over Jack’s well-being in 14x18 and 19. Dean — besides putting Cas at the top of his You’re-Dead-to-Me-Because-You-Lied-but-I-Still-Love-You-Goddammit hitlist (for clear spousal-coded reasons) and taking Cas’ actions to heart (he’s the person he trusted the most who lied to him) — no doubt blamed himself for what happened, and Sam was, like I said, the mouthpiece of truth. TFW were all culpable. They all failed Jack in some way, shape, or form.

I’m not expecting anything for 14x20, but I’m nervous either way! Thanks for sticking with my long answer

[pitch-pearl-void]

I've been wanting something like this for a while... but... What if, instead of Phantom ending up in the Human World and befriending Danny, Danny ends up in the Ghost Zone and befriends Phantom? *coughs* Not a very good idea, I know, but I just want to see it and I don't know if I can write it myself, since there's been some family issues lately :(

Dear Mom and Dad

The good news is I turned on the portal! The bad news is I’m trapped on the other side…

I’m not dead!  I think. I’m in the Ghost Zone you two were always talking about, and it’s bright creepy strange hellish cold desolate indescribable, you’ll just have to see for yourself when you GET ME OUT OF HERE! 

Nothing makes sense in here! There are these floating doors and rocks, and this green glowing stuff that’s everywhere, and the ghosts

I take back everything I said about not believing in ghosts. You were right about everything. They exist and they’re rude, thoughtless, scary complete assholes who only think about themselves. I’ve just been cut off from home and I don’t know if I’ll ever see you guys again and all he can think about is

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

After you guys gave up on the portal, me, Tucker, and Sam decided to look around and see if we could fix it for you, and if you guys get me out of here I swear I will never go near your inventions without supervision again I swear! Please! I just want to go home I miss you guys I miss everyone how long have I been gone

Since I’m the only one with a ready-made jumpsuit, I went inside to see if there was something wrong with a wire while Sam and Tucker checked around the outside. It wasn’t their fault! We all just wanted to help and it seemed safe enough. I guess we should have unplugged it first but

Okay, I don’t know what happened exactly. I think I pressed a button? I might have pressed a button. Just all of a sudden, the portal started working. I was still inside, and it was really loud. I didn’t know what was going on, and I didn’t have time to run or duck or anything. There was a lot of light, a lot of green light, and then there was this sucking sensation like I was getting sucked down a drain. I think it hurt but I don’t know for sure. I think I saw my fingers stretching so I’m sure it had to hurt, but I don’t remember any pain?

Anyway, I blacked out, and when I woke up again I was on my back and all I could see was this boy with white hair looking down at me and I thought I was dead because he has this white glow about him and he looked like a

A boy ghost and his dog found me before I’d even woken up. The dog (he’s called Cujo I guess) doesn’t like me and won’t stop growling, but the other guy seems more curious and confused than dangerous. He looks a lot like me? It’s really scary weird. He didn’t believe humans actually exist! Can you believe it? He seems convinced now, but only because his dog attacked me.

That’s the weirdest thing. He tried to bite me, but he passed right through me! I don’t know why it happened or how I did it, but Cujo kept trying to bite and claw at me and it kept happening. I might’ve been screaming the whole time, but in my defense this dog is huge! The ghost boy managed to pull Cujo off me after a while, but he didn’t seem to have an explanation for what happened either.

He did agree that I’m probably a human though. Win?

Anyway, he calls himself Phantom. Actually he calls himself Danny Phantom, but that was too weird and he said it was okay to just call him Phantom. He says most people just call him Phantom anyway. He doesn’t have any friends to call him Danny but maybe he’s just making that up?

He might not have believed in humans, but he says there have always been rumors about the Real World (he calls it the Human World but whatever) along with rumors on how to get there. He agreed to help me get home if he can come too. I didn’t want to agree (ghosts are bad right?) but how else am I supposed to get home? I waited outside the portal doors for—well, I don’t know how long. There isn’t any way to record time in this stupid place. Point is the doors aren’t opening. He’s my only chance.

On the bright side, he seems more interested in just seeing what the Real World is. There’s nothing evil about that right?

So Phantom’s first idea was this guy called “Wulf” who’s locked up in ghost prison. Awesome. But he can apparently rip holes in a dimension? Worth a shot. I guess.

Phantom had this weird idea that humans can do magic or something. I guess the episode with Cujo made him believe it. Ha! Nope, I’m just a wimpy teenager that can’t even fly so he has to carry me. (For the record: not awesome.) He told me to wait outside because I’m that useless and now he and Cujo are trying to bust that guy out. I’m using the time to write down everything in my English notebook. You guys always wanted to be here, and since it seems I’ll be living here for the rest of my life I may as well take notes. If I ever see you guys again, it’ll be helpful right? So you won’t ground me for life?

Actually it’s been a long time since they went inside. Maybe I should

—

Day 1

Like I said, there isn’t really any way to tell time here, so I’m just basing it off my sleep schedule. It’ll work for now. You should have seen Phantom’s face when he found out I willingly “shut down” for eight hours. Oh the horror of not being aware of my surroundings 24/7! Actually that is pretty scary in the Ghost Zone. I take it back.

We had to run fly pretty far to get away from the prison guards, but we found an uninhabited area after a while. I was pretty exhausted by then so I just sort of, like, dropped. Phantom panicked, the ghosts that escaped with us panicked, but I managed to calm them all down. Sort of. Ghosts are weird. They’re fascinated by humans, but I seem to spook (ha ha get it?) them as much as they scare me.

One of the ghosts can make—it’s not food. For one, it glows like everything else around here. But she can make it out of thin air and it tastes like food so

I’m just saying, I won’t starve. It’s a big plus in my opinion. She made me enough to stuff my backpack. She seems…happy to feed me. Scary happy. Said she’d make me as much food as I want and that I could come and see her whenever I ran out. Tried to put some sort of tracker signature on me (according to Phantom) so that she could track me down and make sure I was eating right but Cujo wouldn’t let her. Thank you oversized hellhound, I think I love you.

If you’re wondering, the prison break was…not a success exactly. Phantom and Cujo got captured, like, seconds into the raid and I, magical human that I am, had to bust them out by using my super awesome walking-through-walls ability, which is apparently a thing along with passing through ghosts that want to hurt me. I freed them and everyone else I could reach. Phantom seemed to think a jailbreak would make a great distraction, and since it worked, I’ll give him that, even if his other plan was a complete toss.

We actually found Wulf in the confusion, but Wulf (who is actually a wolf man, go figure) doesn’t speak English. He does have the ability to rip holes in dimensions though! He used it to escape the prison. Without us.

Not exactly according to plan.

Phantom seems really nervous about something, but given that we just broke ourselves and a dozen prisoners out of jail, he has reason to be. The guards sure seemed determined to catch us. We lost them now, but are we running from, like, the law or something now? Does the Ghost Zone have a government?

The other ghosts don’t seem to like Phantom much. I guess he wasn’t lying. They’re really stiff around him. They’re already leaving, though, so he won’t have to deal with them for much longer, at least.

I’m going to stick with Phantom (and Cujo). Just seems like the thing to do after leading a jailbreak together. Besides, he’s dropped the whole useless-human act. He’s treating me differently now. Respect is really nice, especially coming from a guy your age (probably) who can shoot death rays from his hand.

I’m really tired. I don’t know how long I’ve been awake but it’s been a really exhausting day. Cujo is standing “Guard” over me, and Phantom is talking to the Lunch Lady (the ghost supplying me with the glowing ghost food-that-isn’t).

I’m as safe as I’m likely to be in this awful place.

Now if everything wasn’t glowing.

—

Day 4

Finally convinced Phantom to let me use his cape last night (or whatever). He seems really attached to it, you’d think it was a part of him or something.  Given this weird place and how the cape has this really strange tingle-inducing feel to it? It might be? Idk honestly but while the GZ isn’t cold it definitely isn’t warm either. I typically have to sleep on solid (floating, always floating) rock, which is cold. And hard. Just really uncomfortable. I have to choose between using my backpack as a pillow or as a blindfold when I sleep.

Meanwhile, Phantom’s flying around with this really warm looking white cape. I kept thinking I could lay it on the ground and then wrap up in it and it would be bliss and I was right. I can stand the faint buzz and the weird looks Phantom gives me in the “morning” so long as he keeps letting me use it. Cujo seems a bit calmer around me too. Maybe there’s a scent? Ghost scent since obviously I can’t smell it. I’d put up with that too if it meant I could have a blanket every night.

We’re trying to track down another ghost called Desiree. Phantom seems a bit unsure about this one. She’s a ghost that can make any wish come true. The flaw is that she makes the wish come true in ways you never meant it to and she grows more powerful with every wish she grants. That sounds like a problem. But they say she’s one of the ghosts who used to be human, so Phantom’s hoping she’ll be willing to help.

That’s something interesting you guys might like to know. Apparently not every ghost lived, died, and became a ghost. According to Phantom, most come into existence randomly, usually around a large gathering of that green stuff he calls ectoplasm. That’s how he came into being. Some ghosts are born from the coupling of two or more ghosts and when I asked how /that/ happens, his face turned green and he started sputtering.

I’m guessing the same way babies are made. Only more “ghostly”

A ghost being born after the death of a human is a controversial topic, apparently, since they appear the same way other ghosts do, except they have memories of being human. They can’t prove it, few ghosts have even seen the Real World, and so it’s like a myth. Like people saying they “saw the light” or their dead relatives or whatever is a bit of a myth for us.

My stumbling into their Zone is like an alien walking into a Starbucks!

Phantom thinks this is really cool and I think it’s hilarious so we’re constantly making jokes about it, especially when we come across another ghost and they just gawk at me.

Side note: I’m almost positive Phantom was telling the truth about not having friends.

—

So

Desiree hates Men and the Real World and is even more antag—antogonis—uh, hateful towards Phantom than the other ghosts.

Long day. I’m tired. Phantom is letting me use his cape again. He’s probably just grateful I saved his ass. Again. I hope this becomes a thing.

The cape sharing, not the saving.

Cujo is even letting me lean against him. Phantom is sitting on the boulder beside us. He doesn’t look so good. He’s hugging his knees to his chest and just kind of staring at nothing. Maybe I should say something

—

Day 10

Okay

So

There is something in the GZ that can affect me against my will. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I hope it was something unique to “the Zone’s Greatest Hunter” because  

I guess being able to walk through everything that’s trying to hurt me made this place seem less dangerous than it actually is. There’s a lot that can go wrong. I’m not really safe here. Especially since it seems we really have upset some sort of governmental law.

I mentioned that Phantom is always pushing us to keep moving, never staying in one place too long, and it’s like we’re running from something? That something turned out to be the GHOST KING. Bad bad bad, wtf, a little warning would have been nice?! He’s not searching for us himself, he’s too important for that. No, he has others do his bidding. Because he’s a freaking king.

I don’t know what we did to piss him off so much, unless he’s just really pissed about the jailbreak? But one of his bounty hunters, Skulker, captured me and Phantom and locked us in a cage. The bars had a weird glow, and I wasn’t able to walk through them. Phantom was freaking out, thinking we were going to be handed over to the king, but Skulker seemed more interested in keeping us as some sort of creepy collection of his. The similarities between me and Phantom haven’t gone unnoticed in the GZ, I guess. Skulker kept talking about having a matched set. Gross.

Thank god for Cujo. I don’t know how we would have escaped without him.

Me and Phantom were pretty shaken afterwards (duh) so Phantom finally relented and took me to his “lair”

I mentioned it a couple days ago. The lairs are supposed to be an extension of the ghost’s will because it formed from the same ectoplasm as the ghost or something. It’s not just rude to enter a ghost’s lair uninvited it’s dangerous because they have complete control over that tiny area of the GZ. That makes Phantom’s lair the safest place for us, but Phantom has been pretty protective of the place. I just thought of it like a bedroom, but I guess it’s a bit more private.

I don’t know what I was expecting. The outside was the usual non-descript purple door, but inside was this like snow cave. It was freezing, the walls were actually crusted with ice! I got to see how a ghost can control what’s inside the lair when Phantom got rid of the snow and ice. He didn’t look too happy about it, but between me freezing to death and his ice kink I think he can deal. I didn’t really ask him to do it, he just saw me shivering, sighed, and started changing things.

And he made me a bed! Well sort of. He’s never seen a bed, and I wasn’t able to describe one very well, so he just created this sort of lump of furs in a corner. After sleeping on bare rock for however long it’s been, I’m not going to complain. It looks like heaven, I can’t wait to sleep. I sat on it as soon as he finished and I haven’t gotten up since.

Phantom doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. I don’t think he likes me being here. Every time I move, he flinches and looks at me like he’s expecting me to attack him or something. His unease is making ME twitchy. There’s definitely something more to this lair thing that I’m not grasping. Cujo wouldn’t even come inside.

Maybe it’ll help if I go to sleep. Hopefully I won’t dream of being locked inside that cage. I don’t think I’ve ever been that trapped. I couldn’t stand up or stretch or anything. I couldn’t even move without elbowing Phantom. If I hadn’t been so scared, the tight quarters might have been awkward. We were practically in each other’s laps. I wasn’t even thinking about that at the time. I don’t even want to think about that NOW.

Whatever. I have a bed. It tingles a bit like Phantom’s cape, but I don’t care. It’s been ages since I had a good night’s sleep.

—

Day 11

I guess Phantom was even more shaken than I thought. We’re staying in his lair a while longer, possibly a whole “day.” He doesn’t seem as tense as last night, but I get the feeling he’d kick me out in a heartbeat if he thought I’d be safe out there by myself. Does that mean he cares? Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But I think we’re friends by now.

This is supposed to be the part where Phantom tells me what ghosts do for fun, but apparently lairs are just for resting and relaxing and recharging and all that boring stuff. He does seem a bit more sleepy than usual, if ghosts can get sleepy. He still doesn’t want me to touch anything, though. And sudden movements are a sure-fire way to get glared at. Still, it’s better than last night. He’s even sitting on the bed with me.

And now he’s watching me write but

I don’t think he can read?

Danny Phantom needs to chill the fuck out

Okay, he definitely can’t read. But I guess it’s kind of rude to be writing when he’s right there so I guess we’ll just talk? There’s got to be something we have in common

—

Note to self: the first thing we’re going to do when we make it to the Human World is stargaze. I gotta find my telescope. Phantom is going to freak!

—

Day 14

I miss you guys. So much. We just crossed a “river” that just looks like a more liquid version of ectoplasm. It loops through the air like some sort of demented roller coaster, and I swear I could hear you two babbling excitedly about running tests and talking about chemicals and molecules and physics and all that other stuff I don’t understand.

I wish you guys were here to see this with me. I’m living your dream without you. It doesn’t feel right to be so far away from you and still feel like you’re right beside me.

—

Day 16

I’m running out of paper. I guess the daily diary-note taking is hard to sustain when you only have one notebook and a pen.

In other news, along with looking for a way home, dodging the King’s and Walker’s agents, and learning the ins and outs of the GZ and its society, me and Phantom seem to be getting a reputation as the ghost and his still living humanity. Myth stacked upon myth. It was kind of funny at first, but it’s starting to get annoying. I feel like a freak. Everybody here keeps staring at us. They have a lot of questions and they keep trying to touch me. I don’t let them of course, and that just leads to more questions and excitement. I wish they’d just knock it off.

We wouldn’t have to deal with it in the first place, but Phantom is running out of ideas and needs to gather information. That means talking to other ghosts. Urgh.

Fortunately we seem to have stumbled on something. A ghost called Ghost Writer can warp reality with his writing, so maybe he can open a portal? Worth a shot.

Btw, is it possible for a ghost to be touch starved? Phantom’s been touching me a lot more recently. He’ll put his hands on my shoulders and float above me or wrap his tail around my ankle or just stand with his shoulder brushing mine. And he leans into my hand whenever I touch his shoulder or whatever. It’d be embarrassing, but he seems to do the same with Cujo, especially when he’s nervous. The first time we talked to a ghost, he kept his hand buried in the scruff of Cujo’s neck and didn’t let go until we were flying away.

Combined with how the other ghosts treated him and the way he tried to compare a mother and father to a master or mentor and it made me realize how lonely he must be.

Hey, mom, dad, he’s called Phantom and he followed me home. Can we keep him?

—

Day 18

Ghost Writer can only warp reality by sucking people into his books.

Pass.

The guy was like a hermit and kind of rude. But we did have to knock on his lair to get his attention since that seems to be where he spends all of his time. Given Phantom’s reaction to me being in his lair the first time, Ghost Writer was a calm summer night.

Phantom seems to be getting better about it, though. He even left me in his lair by myself for a little while. He didn’t tell me where he was going and I was too happy to be trusted in his ultra-private space by myself to question him. When he got back, he handed me a notebook he’d gotten from the Ghost Writer. Said he noticed how I was running out of paper.

I don’t

I didn’t know what to say

I hugged him and he freaked out

So good news, I have more paper! Score! It’s actually really great because as silly as this diary-note thing is, it helps. A lot little. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d run out. I wonder if Phantom knew that.

—

Day 22

I’m seriously sick of green. I don’t know if I mentioned that before. There’s just so much green in here, and it’s not the cheery kind of green you see in the spring and summer. It’s like this sickly, goopy green. I miss blue skies. And sunshine. And just anything but a black void with glowing ectoplasm leaking everywhere.

But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t have some charm, and Phantom seems determined to show me some of its wonders while we’re still here. Honestly, once you get over the wrongness of being able to walk along the underside of a floating rock, it starts to get pretty cool. I think it might be like space in a way. The rocks and other floating debris seem to have a gravity (or magnetism) about them that holds me to the surface like the Earth does, but if I jump too high, I escape whatever’s holding me down and I’ll just drift in that direction without any sign of slowing down or stopping.

It’s still faster to fly with Phantom or ride on Cujo, but it’s still really neat.

I wish I could say it gets boring or that the landscape (broken up as it is) is all the same, but I’ve seen upside down waterfalls and crystal tree forests and bubbling yellow tinted lakes with some sort of red creature swimming just beneath the surface and all kinds of bizarre rocky structures. And that’s not even counting the ghosts we pass.

It’s scary but exciting.

You guys are so going to lose it when you get here. It’s amazing. I suggest you get a local guide, though. They make it worthwhile.

—

Aa Bb Cc Dd Ee Ff Gg Hh Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nn Oo Pp Qq Rr Ss Tt Uu Vv Ww Xx Yy Zz

—

D a n n y  P h a n t o m

D u a n n y  P h a n t a o m

—

Day 25

We have three options that we know of to get to the Human World, but none of them are easy. One is to track Wulf down since Phantom thinks he’s still in the GZ, but it’s more like a passing attempt. We’re doing it as we go. The second is another myth, but if humans are real, maybe Clockwork is as well? They’re as hard to find as Wulf is, though. The for sure option is called the Infi-map. The problem? The Ghost King has it. Joy of joys.

Speaking of the king, we crossed paths with a ghost called the Fright Knight. Phantom used to work for him or something. They definitely knew each other and he was ordering Phantom around, and since the Fright Knight works for the King that means Phantom did too, probably as another knight. That would explain the other ghosts’ wariness of him.

At least, until he cut ties and tried running away with me. If we had managed to free Wulf and escape to the Human World that first night it wouldn’t have mattered, but because we’re still stuck in the GZ, the King is angry and after Phantom’s head.

You don’t flaunt the King’s authority.

I guess that’s why they’re after Phantom. But the Fright Knight said he had orders to take me captive as well so we’re both being targeted by the strongest, most influential ghost in the Ghost Zone. Holy shit. We knew that before, but it’s a bit more real with this giant ghost knight in black armor staring down at me and announcing I’m a wanted fugitive.

Before you get too worried though, he let us go. Said something about pretending he never saw Phantom and to stay away from Phantom’s lair for a while. Yeah. Phantom can’t believe it either. It’s been several hours (best guess) and he’s still got this amazed look on his face.

Is it really so hard for him to believe someone might care about him?

—

Day 30

Well. It’s been a month. Give or take. I’m still not home yet, but I haven’t given up. I’m going to see you guys again. I will.

But is it okay if I enjoy myself too? It’s not wrong that I’m actually maybe a little glad I got sucked in here? If the accident hadn’t happened when and where it did, I never would have met Phantom, and while I hate what the ghosts are saying about us being the living and dead versions of the same person, I’d be lying if I said meeting him wasn’t like finding a missing part of myself.  God that sounds cheesy.

I’ve seen things I never would have seen and met people I’ll never forget because I went into the portal. Cujo, the Lunch Lady, the Box Ghost, the terrifying but super cool Fright Knight

I miss you guys. But

It’s okay that I don’t regret this. Right?

—

Day 33

Remember that time you guys thought I had a crush on Sam? Ha ha funny story…

—

Day 34

Fuck.

—

Day 36

He can almost read now I’m not writing this shit down. But that thing he just did, he needs to not do it again. He doesn’t even realize holy shit I’m fucked

—

Day 37

We found Clockwork! Sort of. He They found us really. What’s your policy on ghosts being pseudo gods? If there was ever a ghost that might deserve the title it’d probably be this one.

Get this: they are the ghost master of time. They manipulate time and jump in and out of the time stream like it’s like it’s a fucking afternoon stroll or something. They can open portals not just to any when but to any where.

And yet they wouldn’t help us. Jerk.

We hadn’t returned to Phantom’s lair since Fright Knight’s warning, and the constant flight is wearing on Phantom. It’s wearing on me. I miss that bed and the security. Plus Phantom is more relaxed there. So we were talking about going back since it’s been a long time when this clock hand appeared, swished around in a circle, and out floated the oldest ghost I’d ever seen. Think grandfather time, complete with knee-length beard and knobby wrists.

They said “Don’t”

The fuck.

We’d been searching for this guy ghost for I don’t know how long and they just pop out of nowhere in the middle of a conversation and say “Don’t”

I was about to yell something I probably shouldn’t when they, I don’t know, shifted into a little bucktooth kid. It’s kind of distracting. You just don’t see that every day.

They did answer a few questions so I guess it wasn’t so bad, but it’s another dead end. They have the power to send us to the Human World. In fact, they could send us to the exact moment the portal activated so you guys wouldn’t have to worry about me and Sam and Tucker wouldn’t blame themselves and whatever else is happening at home right now. They can do it, the problem is they won’t. There were a lot of reasons, something about the journey and not the destination, but I think it mostly came down to “suffering breeds character, get home on your own, you lazy bum.” Could just be me though.

They did say that if we kept going the way we have we would eventually get to the Human World. I guess I can live with that. But I would have appreciated something a little more definitive. What if I get home, like, a decade from now? Yeah, I’m home but holy shit I’m an adult and I have to move out anyway.

Should mention, Phantom had this ridiculously stunned look on his face for most of the conversation. Between me and Clockwork, I don’t think he’s ever going to disbelieve a “myth” again!

He was more concerned about his lair once he snapped out of it. That’s his home. It’s supposed to be the safest place in the entire GZ for him, and suddenly it’s not. It’s so unsafe that a literal ghost god interrupted a private conversation just to say how dangerous it is. He looked crushed.

The lair itself is Phantom’s safe harbor, but the area surrounding it is where the danger lurks, I’m guessing. The ghost king probably set guards on the door.

And that’s crossing a line. I don’t care if he’s a king, that’s just fucked up.

I wanted to just deal with the guy then and there. I’m sick of running from him. Phantom looked angry too, and Clockwork wasn’t stopping us, but

Well, you can’t just topple a king, can you? We’re just two kids and a dog. What are we supposed to do, storm the castle? Granted Phantom was a knight and I’m a mythical creature and Cujo is the size of a horse, but it’d just be the ghost prison all over again. Better to keep low for now, I guess.

Phantom managed to get a promise from Clockwork that they’d let us know when his lair was safe again. They seemed a little too amused. They know something, and it’s really annoying.

The whole thing sucks. I miss the lair.

—

Day 41

Had a bit of a celebration today but it flopped. Phantom was able to summon ice to his hands outside his lair, and this is apparently a Big Deal. It means his “core” has matured or is mostly matured. I guess it’s like puberty.

The cores are kind of like a star’s core. It’s where all the energy and materials are created before being pushed to the outer parts of the body. The energy doesn’t cycle like a human’s does; it’s just radiated out of the ghost’s body because their core creates a continuous stream of energy. That’s why there’s this, like, static charge surrounding Phantom and why his cape and lair cause that tingling sensation. It clings to things, and since each core is unique, it’s like leaving a signature on everything they touch.

And I sleep with Phantom’s cape every night so every time I wake up his signature lingers on me for I don’t even know how long and fuuuuck no wonder he kept giving me weird looks

Some cores have an elemental affinity, and in Phantom’s case it’s ice. Now that his core is maturing, he’s able to create ice and his core will start producing more cold energy. I had noticed he was getting colder, but it was so gradual I didn’t really think about it. He was super excited about it until he realized he couldn’t visit somebody. I’m guessing they’re some kind of mentor to him. He didn’t want to talk about it, and I wasn’t exactly in the mood to try.

Apparently, along with being their own internal battery, the cores are how ghosts have uh sex. Their shape doesn’t matter, their gender doesn’t matter, heck the number of ghosts getting it on doesn’t matter. Their cores just have to come into contact and then

I don’t know how they get pleasure from it or whatever, and I don’t care. Phantom’s core is located in his chest, and that’s why he freaked out when I hugged him, but it doesn’t matter.

I’m human. I don’t have a core.

I’m an idiot.

[vaporwavegirl]

2017 has been the craziest most emotionally damaging and most exhausting and weirdest year of my life. But through all have that I've met some amazing people and learned so much and grown up so much as a person I'm really started to learn about who really am and I've opened up and really matured alot this year. Started college and really starting to save up money and buying my own car and turning 18 and being given so much more freedom becoming so much more open and with my mother and forming such a close unbreakable bond with the women who adopted me and saved my life really was I was a baby. SHe and my father (who recently divorced) gave up alot to adopt me and my brother and raise us the best they could. We're not perfect and we definitely are difficult and mean and make stupid decisions sometimes but our parents despite going through alot them selves and our family struggling with alot of deaths and being broke and not having jobs for awhile have still done what they could to give us a good life. My mom is still there for me and is trying her hardest to take care of me and this year has been shitty but it has transformed me into an entirely new and happier and better person honestly. I've become much more spiritual and I'm so much I more in touch with myself .I'v been through alot but I wouldn't have it any other way it has been for the best. I have met so many of the most amazing people this year some of which were only in my life for a short time unfortunately. But I hope to keep in touch with these people and grow and thrive with them and I'm so happy I'm entering 2018 with some of the most amazing talented creative beautiful people I have ever have the pleasure of knowing in this life. This year is going to be about becoming an adult and making my way out of my mom's house and being on my own and figuring my future and my life out. I plan on moving across the country to the Washington /Oregon Seattle or forks or Portland or something because that's where i really feel like I belong and will thrive the most. I currently live in Alabama and there is nothing for me here except all the friends I've made. But I really feel like I want a fresh start somewhere completely new and amazing and meet many more new Amazing beautiful and live my life to the fullest. After Tonight I'm quitting all of my partying and drugs atleast until I get financially stable enough and atleast am moved out of my mom's house or am living on my own somewhere and I can afford to party and live my life a little so that will probably be when move to Seattle and weed and stuff is legal and it's more acceptable to be who I am up there. I'm quitting smoking weed for atleast like 2-3 months after today. Only reason I am not longer is because I smoke marijuana to medicate myself for my depression and anxiety and shit as opposed to prescription stuff because the stuff doctors give me just make me feel numb and not myself and I'm still low-key depressed. I'm only taking a break from weed to start saving up money and really try to focus and finding a place to move out to when I graduate around may and saving up to do so. Don't judge me but while I'm taking my few months off from smoking and I'm going to be selling a bit of bud to my close friends to make some extra money on the side because weed isn't quite legal here yet and it's a little difficult for my friends to get sometimes and it's going to help me out as a student who finds it hard to find a part time job that doesn't pay minimum wage (7.25 fuK THAT) and gives me decent hours it's always not enough hours for decent pay or they work me to FUCKING dEATH for shit pay and it stresses me out. I quit my recent job about a week and ago I'm started 2018 fresh with a new job starting pay a little above minimum wage at 8.50 an hour and after a few weeks I'll get a raise. They say I'll hopefully get decent hours like 25-35 a week and it's a small Japanese/ Asian/ pop culture shop owned by a Chinese lady that coincidentally has the same name as me and there's only like 3 other people that work there and they are all really cool good friends of mine that's I've met through cosplaying the past few years. So starting with a new hopefully better job. Starting off sober with my mind focussed on graduating cosmetology school and saving up money and working hard and getting my life together. The last thing I'll probably really spend money on and do for myself this year is Kami con at the end of this month. My family has helped get me different parts of my lapis lazuli (gem from Steven universe) cosplay for me as Christmas gifts and it is tradition that if at all possible I will do everything I can to attend each year and I have for the past 5 years and this year I will have my first legitimate good cosplay and I'm excited. But after that every bit of my money is to school tuition, helping my mom with the phone bill and our car insurance and groceries when she needs it and saving the rest for moving out and starting my future. When I move to Seattle and hopefully become successful enough? at cosmetology that I open my own salon that I'm hoping my unique edgy choice in hairstyles with be accepted and eventually apprentice as a tattoo artist and open a piercing/tattoo/body shop open up like with my salon that like a super weird dream of mine I had for awhile and honestly I'm probably not going to be good enough but I'm going work my ass off and be sober and focus on my future so I can reach my fullest potential I have been put through too much and made it way too far to not try and live my life to the best of my ability and do everything I can to really be happy and stable and eventually fall in love and maybe have a kid and honestly I truly believe I'm going to marry this boy that I've been on and off with since freshman year of highschool. We both lost out Virginity to each other after dating for the first like 6 months and that was the first time we dated which was almost 11 months after we broke up and went a little crazy and just kinda started dating random people not really for love just because I was so scared of being alone and I hated idea of it. So I just fucked around alot and never really had anything as serious as my dude (I don't wanna say his name but if u know me and ur reading this u probably already know who I'm talking anyways. We were distant and not even on speaking terms for maybe two years. After i grew up a bit and started actually making goals and becoming a young adult I contacted him and asked if he wanted to meet up and catch up on our lives and try to give being friends a shot. Its been maybe a little over a year since I had reached out and started talking to him again. We've tried dating again and we have been on an off since then and we both are young adults trying to figure out our lives and we are both struggling alot as far mental health because of the stress of having to grow up kinda and it just kept fucking up out relationship and my emotions were so all over the place and I was really struggling with trying to figure out what I need in life and how to be happy without have to rely on a relationship or drugs or material things. I had to learn how to enjoy the actual important things in my life like all the beautiful amazing people I've had the pleasure of knowing in this life and how to cut toxic people and thinks and places out of my life if it's affecting my mental health and over learned that it's ok to be sensitive and to want to take care of yourself and have a good mental health. I've learned how to just live in the moment and to surround myself with positive vibes and only be around good honest genuine people that actually care about me and want me to succeed. I want the people in my life now to be people that I know forever and people that are going to be there for me in future. Anyways Over those two years me and the boy didn't talk i never got over him matter how hard a tried and thought I was and that i could potentially be falling love with some one. I just cant. I am in love with him and always will be no matter what. If i still feel so happy and deeply in love with him after.he broke my heart and didn't talk to be for 2 years I know this man is meant to be apart my life forever weather it is as my lover or as one of my closest friends. We are soul mates and I know that I will absolutely love him completely and unconditonally for the rest of my life. Those two years when I wasn't with him kept failing my classes in high school freshman and sophomore and was extremely suicidal and didn't give and fuck about school and even went to the mental hospital for awhile towards the end of my sophomore year and at that point i literally thought I was so stupid and worthless and not even worth the effort of living and being such and disappointment to my family and my friends because I could pass one class in high school and I had given up. Until my counselor transferred me to a kind of alternative school that I could do everything at my own pace and only do the essentials and stuff I absolutely need to learn instead of busy work and stupid shit like public school. This place had no semesters or exams or grades. It has 4 different very well educated and super cool and awesome genuine teachers that actually care about helping you get the best education and they really do care about their students and they are so passionate about helping these kids actually learn and have an opportunity to have a future. Theres one teacher for each subject and 5 councilors that the 70-80 kids are divided between them and it was such an amazing really healing place and i met some really amazing people that year and learned alot about myself and started doing art therapy and I got my work done and realized I wasnt actually stupid like I had been so sure I was but I'm actually very intelligent I just have manic depression and severe social anxiety and I just needed to start working on myself and start making the effort to keep myself happy and actually work on my life and be the person I want to be. After that year during summer I made the decision not to go back to public school for what would have been my senior year so as soon as I was 17 I dropped out of high school and got my GED and I started cosmetology school at 17 years old before my graduating class even finished there senior year. My GED teacher was also a councilor and i became very close to her and she's honestly helped me make a future for myself and she supported me and saw how smart I was and she would help me no matter what and still to this day if in need to talk or need help with something i can call her and she will 100% help me because she is such a good and selfless and kind woman that genuinely cares about me and my future. It's rare that you meet teachers that actually help their kids . I honestly made the decision to do whats best for me and my mental health and i got my career and life started as early as I could because I'm determined to live my life to the best before I'm too old or die super young I'm some crazy way because honestly life is so short and way too short not to do everything u can to just really be the best you can be and enjoy life and do what makes u fuckin happy. So starting this year I am being sober so I can graduate school and work and save money and start my life as a young independent adult. My teenage years have been so wild and I've been through so much but it's I wouldn't trade these last few years. I've met so many kind beautiful amazing souls and I've learned so much about life and other people and relationships and I've learned about happiness within myself and I've learned alot about who I am and what it really want in life. I've learned alot about my mental illnesses and how to cope with them the best way possible for myself. I've had some of the best and most amazing adventures and i made so many amazing memories so despite the bullshit I've been through in my teenage years and all the stress of becoming a young adult in this super fucked up world we live in today I know that I have made it this far and I become stronger and better everyday and I'm thriving and finally getting where I want to be. I'm becoming more content with who I am and I'm learning to love myself and be who I am and I'm so happy with the person I becoming and I know I'm going to continue growing and thriving and becoming a beautiful and amazing person living the best life I can. This started out as a new years resolution post but im on alot of stuff right now and I felt like I needed to just write about stuff. Anyways. Happy new years yall here's to a fresh start and then beginning of my life as I figure out how to be my own person. 2018 is going to be so fucking good

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: Do you want me to come down and stay with you, it can't be much fun just having Buster for company, like Rio: That's okay, I can't have you playing truant too Rio: I'm going to make him go back before long, swear Nancy: Ri, please. You know what school is like for me, any excuse, I swear Rio: Your 'rents would have me like forreal Rio: I know how shit it is, even more now, soz Nancy: Do you hear them shouting down the phone to him? No 'cause they aren't Nancy: Not to be that bitch, 'cause it's so not funny, but you have kind of taken the heat off me so Nancy: I owe you Rio: Priorities, like, though I dread to think what happens when your Mum gets to me on her list Rio: Reckon I can claim that as any kind of excuse/reasoning or? Nancy: Don't worry nobody exists to her right now but my Auntie Nancy: Which is a sentence I never thought I'd say Rio: I know, but that's good, I mean Rio: as good as anything can be Rio: You know I never meant to do this to her, right Nance? Nancy: Of course Nancy: I think I understand better than most, right? Rio: What do you mean, like? Nancy: You and him Nancy: You didn't mean to, like I didn't, but it happened 'cause it had to, you know? Nancy: You can't help how you feel, even if you want to Nancy: Especially when you want to, like Rio: Oh, no no Rio: It really isn't like that Rio: like, I hear what you're saying on all that but that's not what that was Nancy: You and him aren't Nancy: I don't know how to word it now Nancy: But he looks at you like Nancy: And you're always tilting your phone away for someone Rio: Not him Rio: I wouldn't lie, I'm not saving myself from anything at this point, if that was going on I'd tell you Rio: He wanted it to and, yeah, I knew that before this baby shower but I didn't lead him on or encourage him Nancy: Okay, well now I feel weird Nancy: Fuck, I'm sorry Nancy: I really projected there Rio: It's okay Rio: It'll be the general consensus and almost certainly how he'll frame it but no Nancy: It's not okay Nancy: He did that and I've been talking to you this way Nancy: Wow Rio: I mean, I don't think I did Rio: I thought he was good looking, sure and I tried harder with him than most of us did but Rio: I didn't actually want anything to happen, nor think it would Nancy: I'm as bad as him so there's nothing I can say Nancy: But I still think you'd know if you did or didn't Nancy: And if you didn't want anything to happen, the signals are there, even if you are that committed to only seeing what you wanna see Nancy: He can ignore them but like, you still gave them out Rio: Don't say that, you aren't like him at all Rio: You'd never do or say half the things he did Rio: especially when he had so much reason to know I wasn't interested, you're right Nancy: I mean, I did kiss someone who didn't want me to Rio: It is different, just by nature of what it is, was Rio: Should you have done it? 'Course not but there was never reason or chance for Sian to give out the clear no I did Rio: Because, well, you know Nancy: Yeah Nancy: If I thought for a second that she didn't want me to, I wouldn't Nancy: He clearly didn't have the same qualms about it Nancy: That's so disgusting Nancy: On levels that I can't even Rio: I know she won't be ready to hear it Rio: probably not ever from me Rio: but Ro is better off without him Rio: he's still dealing, which I think we all knew Rio: and I've seen him out, he isn't her Prince Charming, like Nancy: Me and mum have been saying it for as long as they've been together Nancy: As much as she'll talk about any of it to me Nancy: I've overheard more than she's probably ever said but Nancy: I feel like I can't tell her either 'cause it's like oh the man hating lesbian at it again Nancy: But he's just Rio: He really is Rio: and he isn't a good Dad Rio: maybe he'll be better for this one but, he isn't to Edie and Indie barely thinks of him that way either so Nancy: Poor Astrid Nancy: Maybe we can move Ro in with us now? I don't know Nancy: Like it's at a point that I'd move into Indie's room at hers if she'd let me Rio: I'm glad she's got you all around, she's going to need the help Rio: My Ma and all of them will be there too Nancy: Let's be honest, she would of even if he hadn't done this Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: I'm never having kids ever Rio: Yeah Rio: I was joking that that shower was effective contraception before but now Rio: fucking hell Nancy: It's made me not wanna have sex again and I can't even get pregnant so Nancy: Good lord Rio: Think that's the first time I've legitimately laughed since Rio: Oh babe Nancy: Rio? Rio: Yeah? Nancy: Where are you gonna be? 'Cause you said your family will all be there but Rio: I don't know, honestly Rio: but my job at the angel is coming to an end and then with all this Rio: I might try somewhere else, just for a bit Nancy: It worked for me Nancy: I'll miss you though Rio: I'll miss you too Rio: You're gonna be going soon too though, yeah? And June and Buster Rio: I don't want to be the only one left behind just 'cos I don't have the brains, like Nancy: We'd never leave you behind Nancy: You can go in my place if you want, change the major to maths or something Nancy: I don't want to Rio: You've got to Rio: You're just scared, but it'll be incredible, and the right thing for you, most importantly Nancy: I'm really, properly scared whenever I think about it Nancy: What if it's worse than here 'cause I'm alone on top of everything else Nancy: I can't just change schools like I did before Rio: You can, like, that first year Rio: but you're not going to want to, it'll be nothing like School Nancy: Everything's changing so much, like you said Nancy: I'll even miss Buster, and what the fuck is that, like? Rio: He'll be wanting to visit all the time Rio: Me too, like Nancy: I need to see where I can get accepted first, slow down you two Rio: You so will though Rio: World's your oyster Nancy: Yours too Nancy: And we still have Milan, yeah? Rio: Romantic 😉 Rio: but yeah, I've not drank away my funds or anything drastic yet Nancy: I was gonna say I love you, but I'll keep it to myself now, fine 😏 Rio: New drama alert Rio: they'll not survive Nancy: Don't Nancy: I can't handle any more Nancy: It hurts so much, doesn't it? Rio: It does Rio: got to believe that was rock bottom though Rio: can't get any worse, only way is up, all that shite Nancy: God, I hope so Nancy: Give us a break Rio: Backatcha Rio: No more scandals from either of us, right? Nancy: It's my brother's fucking turn Nancy: While I'm on the subject, can I ask you something? Rio: Sure Nancy: Why pick him for a getaway driver? Of all of us Nancy: I know what he said but Nancy: I'm not saying it's the weirdest part of this, but I'm also not saying it isn't Rio: Gays can't drive, right? Nancy: I'm a walking stereotype, alright, emphasis on the walking Rio: 😂 Rio: Exactly Nancy: Tell him not to spend every euro on himself, yeah? Nancy: Nobody needs to eat out every night in a new look Rio: I did drag him to Skerries, no doubt the response but I'll let him know Nancy: He loves it don't let him deny it Nancy: Even if he did nearly drown 🙄 Rio: Another touchy subject Nancy: When his ego is involved, if you aren't stroking it you're asking for trouble Nancy: Boys ugh Rio: Don't need to tell me, babe Nancy: I won't bother telling you that girls are far superior Nancy: What do I know? Rio: Is it? 😏 Nancy: Can you please come back soon so I don't have to drink alone Nancy: I need my wingwoman back Rio: 'Course Rio: London is on my list of maybes so might even meet you there, like Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: If you run into Chlo, you know what to do Rio: Absolutely Rio: Doubt I'm affording her postcode but I'll drop by with the 👊 Nancy: You doesn't even have that much money, she just acts like it Rio: If I can take any life lessons from the bitch, like Nancy: As long as you stop there and don't take fashion tips too Nancy: I still have to be seen with you in Milan, like Rio: 😂 Where's the lie Rio: she was stalking me a while back, bizarrely so I was petty and did some myself and yikes Nancy: I try not to be that bitch but I HATE her so much Nancy: Oh? How and why? Rio: Understandable Rio: I reckon she keeps tabs on us all, she's like weirdly obsessed with you and your Brother Rio: idk, she double-tapped by mistake, amusing Nancy: Gross Nancy: But I was the one who fancied her, okay babe sure Nancy: I bet she tries to look up all of Buster's conquests still, good luck with that Nancy: I'm invested and even I gave up years ago Rio: Honestly Rio: ain't in a mood to be talking about ladies who doth protest too much but well Rio: look what you made me do Chloe Nancy: Her and Drew should start a club and get jackets Rio: She'd love that Rio: get rid of 'em both in one, bit hopeful perhaps but worth a shot Nancy: I try never to feel any sympathy for my brother ever, but she really drove me there Rio: It was fucked Nancy: It's messed his head up Nancy: I can see how sad he is Rio: I know Rio: but he'll be alright Rio: we all will Nancy: Yeah Rio: I promise Rio: hit me with a more enthusiastic yeah thanks Nancy: yeah!! Nancy: I miss you already Rio: You're cute Nancy: Try and control yourself though Nancy: No drama, remember? Rio: 😂 Rio: It ain't gotta be drama baby Nancy: Are you gonna divorce yourself from our bloodline so we aren't cousins? Nancy: Quite drastic but I like it Rio: That's just the kind of dedication you can expect from me Rio: What can I say? Nancy: No other girl has ever gone that hard for me Nancy: So thanks Rio: Should hope not Rio: 👀 up the sibs now Nancy: 😂 Nancy: On the dedication scale in general, babe Rio: Whatever you say, McKenna Nancy: What I should say is that I have so much homework to do Nancy: Which I gotta since you won't let me skip 😒 Rio: Unlucky babe Nancy: As you're also insisting I'm uni bound I better stop complaining and just do it Nancy: So high maintenance you are 😏 Rio: Obviously Rio: always about that sugar Nancy: Don't be a stranger, like Nancy: And don't start preferring the other twin, yeah?