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[alshixxah]

Jenny (I Wanna Ruin Our Friendship)

On a hot summer night in Greece, Lewis contemplates her "best friend" eating sorbet.

Notes: 2.1k, girlcedes, not beta-read, english is not my first language, title and references from a Studio Killers song of the same name, first time writing fanfiction, slightly suggestive at times, in true teenage girl fashion Lewis is going through it, there are too little fics where Lewis is just plainly weird about Nico

This is @sionisjaune's girlcedes anon from like 2 weeks ago. Girlcedes and girl!Nico especially have been haunted my brain an unhealthy amount and spilled out into this foul beast. I swear this was supposed to be a drabble idk how we got to 2k. Once again shoutout to @sionisjaune, I wish (not really) i was joking when i said that their girl!Nico fics have quite literally fundamentally changed the way i see my own femininity and relationship to the concept of womanhood.

It was uncommon for Lewis to ignore a cone of soft serve in front of her, it really was. The view before her, Nico licking so methodically at the strawberry sorbet perched gracelessly on the cone in her hand as if it was a corner she was analysing, had her letting the sticky liquid melt from her own cone gently down her hand. 

In truth, she hated calling her “friend”, but she had no other word for what was between them. A bond so strong, forged over the many years they perfected the art of knowing each other, first as strangers, then friends, then karting teammates, and now vacationeers together in Greece. A bond seemingly so unbreakable that they swore it would survive any rivalries that came from competition, but so stupidly fragile when Lewis thought of words to describe it other than “friends”. 

Nico glanced at her, and wordlessly placed one of the paper napkins from her lap onto hers while gently grabbing Lewis’ ice cream cone. Lewis only took her eyes off of mindlessly rubbing at her hands when Nico spoke. “It's a shame. Cream colours look good on you”. “Better like this. My hands are all sticky”

The air was hot, even at night. She could still smell the night market, two streets down from the sea promenade where they were sitting on the rocks. The heavy spices and oil from their street food dinner had made the air in the market sticky as well, and whether by the wind or them channelling it to come with, the air around them now was sticky too. Lewis knew the napkins were ultimately futile to erase the feeling. While she had spoken, another droplet had escaped Lewis’ cone, and Nico gently tilted her head to lick at it with the tip of her tongue, so as to not get it on her nail. The polish perfectly matched the colour of her sorbet. Lewis wondered if it would taste like it too if placed in her mouth.

The only way to stop this stickiness might be to drown herself in the sea across from them. Lewis didn't know if she wanted to. 

She carelessly stuffed the napkin into the back pocket of her jean shorts and took back her cone without making eye contact. 

“I should paint your nails cream when we get back. We could match. I'm getting tired of this colour” Nico scrunched up her face as she scratched her left thumb across her ring finger. She had only painted her nails two days ago, sat on the sunny balcony floor of their shared room, hunched over and looked like the most beautiful girl on earth Lewis had ever seen. 

“I like it. It suits you, and it matches your ice cream”

“Sorbet”

“It matches your Sorbet”

Nico frowned. “No, you're saying it wrong. Sorr-be”

“That's exactly what I’m saying”

“No you're saying sour-bee. Put your tongue more forward in your mouth like-” Her face froze as she tried to think of a proper comparison. Lewis had never possessed the ease Nico seemingly had when it came to picking up languages. Her tongue stubbornly stuck to only moulding itself around the gentle sloping and stopping of the English accent she was born into. Around the proper way, how she would tease Nico about her German lilt. 

Suddenly Nico snapped out of her trance, and looked at Lewis with that look that told her whatever came next was not a suggestion but a demand. “Open your mouth”

Lewis obeyed without thinking. 

Carefully, like she could shatter Lewis like glass, she stuck her index and middle finger in her mouth and up to her gum, pushing at the space right behind Lewis ́ front teeth.

To any passerby, it must have looked like she was giving her some sort of dental examination. She was so helplessly but willingly at her mercy with two fingers down her mouth. Who would willingly subject themselves to this, she thought, if not for the nauseating agony that toothaches born of avoidance give you? Nobody would so obediently open their mouth, and keep it open, if sweetness would not melt into cavities.

Lewis could only watch as her friend slowly removed her fingers from the mouth she desperately willed to behave from spilling everything sticky she tried to wipe away. In doing so, Nicos nails grazed her tongue. She tasted the sweet flavour of strawberry.

“Put your tongue there. Say it.”

Nicos looked like a spilled bottle of perfume, so intense and penetrating was her look. All Lewis could do was hold it with wide eyes.

“Sorr-be.”

“Good”

“I think I´d like to taste yours, actually” Lewis reached over to take her cone from her and she immediately retorted by taking hers. She had no desire to taste the strawberry in particular, but if she didn't keep her mouth busy it might start telling Nico all its acronyms for their “friendship”. There was a dent in the sorbet where Nico had last licked at it, no bigger than her thumbpad. 

When they found the small ice cream vendor at the end of the market, she had initially hoped to get coconut flavour. They had ventured into the building just on the last street corner from the bustling food stalls like they owned the place, and just for a second Lewis stood back to watch Nico gawk at the spread of flavours before them with such unashamed desire that she so fiercely guarded in public. Desire that was sadly not focused on Lewis.

Stepping into Nicos personal space was always a full sensory experience. For her at least. It occurred to her that when her father only looked at her confused when she once mentioned she could often smell Nico before she entered the room that maybe other people just were not as fixated on everything Nico. God, she needed to get more normal.

Nico matched all of her hygiene products, her body wash, her lotion, her shampoo, down to deodorant and perfume to a scent, and that one scent completely enveloped her entire being.

Well, two scents actually, roses for special occasions, like the celebratory dinner after their last 1-2 finish, and coconut at all other times.

Whenever she knew they would share a room, she made sure to conveniently forget her body wash, or lotion, only to shamefully buy a cheap one in a corner store a few days later to eventually chuck it in the trash when she got home from that particular trip.

The first time showering with Nicos stuff was always like the first time again. Nico would consume her in shockwaves, penetrate her senses and skin in a way that made her almost feel dirtier than before stepping in the shower, and leave her staring at her murky silhouette in the foggy mirror to get a grip and not pounce her “friend” the second she stepped out of their shared bathroom.

It made her nauseous the fourth or fifth time, always. She could not handle it, being so filled and surrounded by something she then had to pretend was her friend, but she could never resist lathering her skin just a couple seconds extra with hands that smelled like Nico. She would buy the other body wash then.

Nico never commented on how often she would forget hers in the first place, or when she would buy the second, or when Lewis never gave her back the shirts she would steal from her.

When she was back in Stevenage, she used them as her pillowcase, just the white back without a print to keep it her secret, so Anthony would think his daughter was normal, and bury her face into them and scream.

She needed to microdose this way, she would lash out and convulse and bloom like a werewolf into something hideous if she indulged on her “best friend” in the way she wanted to.

Maybe that is why she always borrowed her lip gloss only after Nico used it first, or why she wanted coconut ice cream. She could not have the real thing, but something sticky and wet on her lips that she knew was to some degree her “best friends” saliva was all she could allow herself.

She looked at the indent on Nicos sorbet in her hands that glistened in the moonlight. She flattened her tongue against it while closing her eyes. Just a little indulgence. When she looked up again Nico was staring at her, soft serve untouched.

“I'd let you paint my nails. But keep yours. I like them. Plus you painted them like yesterday.”

“No. I want us to match.”

Lewis popped the last of the sorbets cone in her mouth and took Nicos free hand in hers. She closely examined her still pristine nails.

“And that wouldn’t look good on me or what?”

  She gently caressed the nail bed of her elegant pointer finger. Nico, suddenly, as if she remembered she was alive, or as if Lewis had rubbed the death out of her, she grabbed Lewis’ wrist. 

The motion was so sudden it almost scared Lewis if it wasn’t her “friend”. Her hand slowly travelled up her arm and she began to slowly whisper. “No.”

Her hand brushed past the strap of her top as Lewis’ hand came to join hers, “No”.

It tangled itself firmly on the back of Lewis’ neck and Nico pulled her down, down, down, until her forehead was pressed to the sticky expanse of Nicos sweaty naked shoulder and she closed her eyes. "No."

This close she could almost pretend she crawled inside Nicos skin, deep underneath the surface like she was her lungs, or brain, or heart if she wanted to be vulgar. Something precious that would kill Nico to get rid of.

All her senses were assaulted by coconut, but this was the first time that under it she smelled the faint mechanical, almost animalistic floral scent buried deep beneath it. It reminded Lewis of speed walking past the alleyway on her way back from school where everyone knew the cokeheads gathered after 3 p.m. and it made Nico seem just as dangerous.

“Talk to me Lewis”, her best friend for years said above her.

“You terrify me. Paint me every colour you want. Please.”

Nico pulled her up by the scuff of her neck, even when her hands went just shy of jerking upwards and grabbing her hair. There was no place to hide from the other now, nowhere to put yourself except for your lips to move except against each other with restrained obsession against each other. Neither girl could guess how many kisses the other had, even as they refused to break eye contact over the kiss, blue eyes staring in deeply, deeply unsure brown ones.

The string of spit that emerged when they finally broke fell into both their laps at once, where brown legs had tangled with tan ones. Neither made a move to kiss each other again or touch the other further, they just swayed in each other's orbit, like a snake and a flute, panting each others air that was laced with something as sick as devotion.  

“I'm scared.” Lewis finally admitted. “I was scared. You’re my best friend. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship”

At this Nico finally moved, head cocked to the side, eyes wide not in surprise but laser focus, and pressed her soft chest into Lewis’

“Ruin it.” She gripped Lewis’ upper arms with a bruising grip, her flesh spilling out between her fingers, “Do it.”

She feverishly pecked at Lewis’ cheek, “Destroy it. Wreck it. Break our friendship.”

Her hands finally found the courage to angrily weave into Lewis’ hair and she pressed their faces so close that their noses were touching and speaking became awkward. “I don’t want it anymore. We are more than friends. I will follow you to the end, Lewis.”

Lewis’ hands had raked themselves around her shoulders and waist, more leverage to never, ever, let her go, and she needed to restrain her teeth to not make Nico an even bigger part of her than she already was when she crashed them together to kiss again.

“Take me back to the hotel.” Nico said with crazy eyes and her usual restrained voice. “I will paint your nails and never let you use another body wash.”

And the only things that proved two friends were ever there in the first place were an abandoned cone of sticky, melted vanilla soft serve, and the constellations they had given new names that night.

[bredforloyalty]

i think myself capable of lust murder

[foursaints]

Is it safe to say that Evan smacks Barty in the face sometimes when he’s being a rabid dog but its because Barty likes it like it genuinely makes him stiff as a rod

*bangs gavel* ok co-signed but let’s have this talk. to me rosekiller sex is always operating on like 3 different level of psychosexual power exchange but in a cute romantic way...

i think barty “imperius curse” crouch rarely lets go of control bc he has terminal issues about not having it. and his rabid dog behavior is less of a “make me heel” type thing and FAR more of. uh. he is a gross lecherous pervert and he is holding evan down by the head and smelling evan's neck like he's an inanimate slab of Meat and barty is going to Actually Eat Him. and they both like it cause they’re weird like that.

however Evan Rosier is the biggest control freak on earth who deals w everything w neatly detached clinical precision. he likes things His Way and he usually Gets It. but barty thinks evan is sooo silly & bossy & blonde & precious & neat & buttoned-up that he NEEDS to mess him up... and i think Evan with all his Surgery and Taxidermy gets really into the objectification thing because its novel to him. to be the vulnerable one splayed out on the operating table. and they love each other ofc

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

Sharing more ocs again it’s my enrichment hours 🤭

Lore for them under the cut! Tw for mentions of self harm and incest (which is kinda there in asoiaf but still). If you can’t handle these topics that’s more than alright! I just recommend you don’t read for the sake of your mental health. Love y’all <3

Allyria Ladybright: I don’t have much on her tbh, but she’s one of my favs already <3 basically her story is that she witnessed Baelor’s whole hostage return/Aemon rescue at around seven years old, and that rocked her shit so hard she became a religious fanatic and was convinced from that whole event that King’s Landing was some incredible holy land. She’s a lesbian and acknowledges it but still thinks it’s a sin so hurts herself as a form a repentance whenever she has a gay thought. She’s part of Myriah’s royal retinue and was super excited to finally see King’s Landing only to get really sad when she realizes it’s kind of a shithole and the royal family are incestuous freaks. These are mostly scattered thoughts but she’s been banned from the Great Sept for confessing her absolutely graphic gay sex thoughts so kinda just prays in private, she idolizes all the seven worshipping Targs but immediatelyyyy starts crying if she ever gets put in Aegon’s presence, so she moved to Daeron and Myriah’s social circle until they thought it best she just… go back home. So anyway she goes back home and builds a little sept in her family seat and becomes a pseudo-septa before walking out into the desert and never coming back, yippee <3

Rowan Tully: Probably the one I have the least amount of info on, honestly her whole thing is that she’s the middle child of four daughters and was my other oc Naera’s former friend/kinda lover? She’s really jealous and hated it when Naera would flirt with any other girl even though she spent years simping for the sexy st. Sebastian-esque painting of Criston Cole she saw exactly once. She gets married to a Mallister guy but they don’t like each other so she just stays locked away in Riverrun making really nice clothes for her extended family. Has probably pushed for her older sister to support the Blackfyres out of spite, didn’t succeed in that though since the Tullys did end up pledging to the Targs. Honestly idk how she dies, maybe I’ll be nice and say she got to he geriatric and died of natural causes but I’ll take any suggestions lmao

Laenys Blackfyre: Ok I’ll be honest she’s my real favourite lol. She’s the oldest child of Aegor Rivers and Calla Blackfyre, and took her mom’s last name in order to push the Blackfyre agenda. Girlie’s charismatic as all hell and has absolutely won support from important figures in the free cities, but definitely has a more cruel side that she likes to hide behind closed doors. A little weird about relationships because she fully believes in the whole incest practice but is also a lesbian so she’s only psychosexually obsessed with her younger sister and is incredibly controlling over everything she does. Kinda believes herself to be the family’s real heir because she’s super committed to the cause and is the reason why they still have some support and when one of her brothers tried to argue that she had him “taken care of”. Anywayyy tho all her connections kinda fall apart once she gets assassinated in front of all her political allies, people think Bloodraven might’ve done it but nobody can prove it so the Blackfyres kinda just…. Brush Laenys’ whole legacy off to the side and keep trying to fight their wars. Rip queen.

[eye-of-yelough]

anyway here’s the aeryn/gortash dynamic explanation.

nsfw shit under the cut. CW for. i mean so much. but specifically CNC

because it is all consensual, despite the atrocities. although it’s worth mentioning that that does not make it healthy and there’s definitely a lot of manipulation going on so like. is it. its dubious that’s for fucking sure.

So. their dynamic is really just me taking “psychosexual warfare” and seeing how far i can possibly take it. That’s it in a nutshell. also exploration of how a sexual “relationship” between a hypersexual (aeryn) and aroace (gortash. to me) would work.

Aeryn’s hypersexuality is a real point of interest to Gortash, and is his main angle when trying to pick apart his psyche, the way his behaviour changes depending on how long he’s gone without, how it seems intrinsically linked to his Urges, “whoever decided to call it bloodlust was a fucking genius” - Aeryn, probably.

That fascination really hits its pique when, somewhere a between 2 and 3 years into their unsteady partnership, gort wakes up in the middle of the night to aeryn just straight up jerkin it. staring at him. (wether he was already there because aeryn stayed over after them being awake for 50 hours plotting and doing medical malpractice or he just walked all the way there from the undercity to break in and wack it to gort’s sleeping body, i don’t know. but it’s important to me that you know that with aeryn, while the former is more likely, the latter is entirely plausible. he’s a creep.) obviously this brings up a lot of question in gortash’s head. “did he want to be caught?” (most definitely.) “has he done this before without me noticing?” (you can bet on it, mate.)

Sad thing is, I can’t for the life of me figure out what gort would actually do in the moment here, but it’s when he realises that if he wants to manipulate Bhaal’s favourite child, to claim, to conquer, he’s going to have to speak his language. so the next morning he very nonchalantly brings up the incident that Aeryn is eagerly pretending didn’t happen, and offers his help him with his little sex addiction. puts himself in this caring, almost therapeutic role. bullshit, of course. he has no intention of fixing just yet. only after he’s been broken can he be fixed, remade in his perfect image. and aeryn, to his credit, does know that it’s bullshit. he just underestimates the depth of it. See, he knows that Gortash wants to break him. he knows that gortash is a manipulative, domineering control freak. but he kind of just. thinks it’s a weird sex thing. his reaction to gort’s proposal is basically “you’re even weirder than i thought. okay fine. i’ll play your game. i’ll win in the end.”

That’s another key part of their dynamic: mutual misunderstanding. Aeryn thinks it’s a game, Gortash thinks it’s war. Gortash thinks he’s breaking Aeryn, but Aeryn’s loving it.

Gortash’s “therapy” is anything but, of course. Aeryn doesn’t become less of a sex pest, he just finds it increasingly difficult to enjoy himself with anyone but Gortash, who knows him, what he likes and doesn’t like, inside and out. (all part of the plan, the possessive cunt) which pisses Aeryn off to no end because the man Just Won’t Fuck Him in the way he wants. oh, they’re doing weird “stabbing as a metaphor for penetration”, sexually charged medical malpractice, voyeurism, full on bdsm shit all the time, but there’s very little… touching. Gortash just gets off way more on denying Aeryn what he wants while slowly driving him insane with desperation than he ever would if they just. had sex. This isn’t to say they never do, but we’re talking 10 years down the line here, and only under very specific conditions. (more on that in a bit.) If aeryn was right about one thing, it’s Gortash being a weird sexual control freak.

anyway here’s some things their warfare includes:

Gortash bringing some noble up to his chambers to seduce them, notices the window he left closed is open, a chair in the corner’s cushion being smushed down by an invisible weight, and thinking “ah, i’m performing for two tonight.”

one of Gortash’s main weird psychosexual fantasies about Aeryn being turning him into an Actual Doll and keeping him on his shelf for all eternity. he makes many different types of dolls after Aeryn’s likeness, including plushies that he holds at night for a few months before giving them to Aeryn just to savour the look of confusion and disgust on his face.

Gortash stealing some of Aeryn’s Bhaal-sculpted skin and turning it into gloves.

Aeryn waking up after Gortash spikes him in increasingly awkward positions over the years (this happens a lot. like, a lot.) the first time he wakes up bound, gagged and blindfolded in gort’s basement. “i just wanted to see how long it would take you unti you freed yourself. 2 minutes and 31 seconds if you were wondering. i’m impressed :)” eventually he gets used to that routine and he just ends up laying under gort’s desk for a few hours, listening to him work, Gortash occasionally talking to him like you do to a pet. this is probably the closest they get to domesticity. A few years down the line, Aeryn wakes up naked, covered in bruises and black handprints, aching between his thighs.

Knowing it finally happened, but having no memory? If I had to pinpoint the closest Gortash ever got to winning the war, it was there. something in his brain genuinely breaks that night.

Oh. And they only kiss once. Right before Aeryn’s lobotomy, as well, it’s a whole thing. I might make that into a separate post. or you can send an ask. that’d be nice :)

edit: here it is

[bright-and-burning]

sending you a yapping ask... ofc i know youre a passionate landoscar flag waver but i'm curious about what other ships you like?

oooooooo… honestly might be faster to ask me what ships i don’t like. that is only half a joke… general tier list of ships goes like.

landoscar (my leetle guys… my two sharp toothed sopping wet kittens in a tattered cardboard box that i find half in the gutter behind my apartment…) is like the top most tier. their hold on me is unshakeable.

things i will almost always click on: jendo, markoscar, those two in other interesting configurations, nortrell, nortrell+oscar, maxf + oscar... but ok honestly if a mutual recommends it i will click p much regardless of ship unless it’s one of my few Absolutely Nots akdhskdh

and then i like many Other lando and oscar ships… ill read some loscar, 2019 rookies in various shapes (triangles, sides of triangles, besties), nico r/lando (listen. hear me out. anyone else seen All Those Clips? yeah.). fernando/either of them. i am kind of intrigued by lando/lance which is out of left field i know but ive read a couple fics… i fuck w the vibes… i want to examine the vibes under a microscope… that’s less high up on the list tho bc of the sheer rarity. norstappen sometimes hits but i gotta be in the right mood. uhhhh there’s honestly only like two ships w them that i am Quite Hesitant to click on (like i need it to be written by a trusted mutual, or come recommended by 3+ trusted mutuals, etc) that fall into this category and they’re both w the same guy 😭 sorry 2 that man…

outside of the realm of mclaren slutting it up! pierreste is like . probably on the same level as like jendo and markoscar 2 me. fernando/lance (i accidentally wrote lando here on rhyming autopilot) a centimeter lower. the centimeter there is caused by like . i could write pierreste i don’t think i could write fernando/lance w any sort of realism/good voices involved. but i love seeing them be freaks on the dash. charlos when im in a mood ! the catholicism and religious-tinged devotion of ferrari as themes (and in reality) freaks me out sometimes tho so the stars reaaaally have to align for that. galex as a treat on occasion! logex (or whatever the fuck it’s called. have i mentioned i dislike portmanteaus .) HITSSSSS but rn it makes me Very Sad so. yuki/many people bc i love him but lowkey yuki/liam… chefs kiss ba dum tss. PRINCESS CAKE WHICH I JUST REMEMBERED EXISTS. martian… lots of older ships actually!! brocedes but less frequently for Weird Headspace reasons. who has the tag that’s like “never beating the polycule allegations” that’s for the 2010s grid cuz that’s how i feel abt those ships . mix em all up im sure ill like what comes out.

the “bc of my friends <3” category includes uh. glance, which i will absolutely read when it’s brought to my attention and support the mutuals in their endeavors (including reading + reblogging their fic/web weaves/etc) but tend to kind of . let slip from my mind otherwise. piarles is in that same boat. sebchal a little lower on the “will read” priority list. probably more that i am forgetting; it is very hard for a fic to be something ill Never read (so long as it’s written by a friend at least) it just might take me longer to get around to it

and then there’s the like. i am deeply intrigued but have never delved into them category, which is like. hulk/kmag. valtteri/zhou guanyu. like i see things of them on the dash and im like . wow there is something deeply psychosexual going on here . but have never gone deeper…

lots of the ships i missed are probably more like. i am intrigued (not deeply so) and have read a few fics that made me crazy but never quite caught the bug. there’s maybe . a handful of ships i generally dislike and they’re for very silly reasons mostly lol

[fauxfroot]

Plus, Mina when Dracula has been haunting her brain since October, having him literally inside her blood and mind has so much potential for the nights when Mina and Jonathan have sex. Ragefuck from Jonathan, Mina wanting him to do so, so she can feel alive so she can feel his passion and his wrath, his affirmation that he wants and loves her despite her Unclean state, Mina wanting to bite him during, not knowing whose desires she's feeling, Jonathan giving everything he has determined to love her and kill the one possessing her... Beds break.

you get it, anon. yes exactly

the weird psychosexual aspect of dracula preying on both of them in his own way could be SO INTERESTING. jonathan spent WEEKS with him and i personally believe drac fed off him at some point, even if jonathan never mentions it bc idk i think it's a fun interpretation and why wouldn't he??? by the time dracula is terrorizing everyone else and jonathan is back with the squad, the amount of ANGER he has is incredible and you cannot tell me mina doesn't find that a little hot, like cmon now

meanwhile the idea of mina being connected to dracula in that way and not know which desires originate from her and which from him??? inspired. fantastic. absolutely glorious. mina has an aggressive streak of her own and jonathan will let her do fucking anything to him bc he's so in love and Very Obsessive and they're both little freaks <3

i like the mina/dracula relationship as something darker and more fucked up. but honestly it HAS to include jonathan in there for it to be complete. you cannot sideline him bc so much of the tension of mina's connection to dracula comes from her love of jonathan and her knowledge of HIS connection to dracula. it's is mina and jonathan's (literally) undying devotion to each other that makes dracula wedging himself violently between them so interesting in the first place!!! they have to be angry about it!!!! and then make it sexy!!!

basically, i say let them work out their frustrations with dracula by sexualizing it, it's fun and gives the whole situation another layer of Fucked Up. bonding over a shared shitty ex who terrorized them both is basically what happens anyway, might as well make it sexy

[mashamorevvna]

best of

the lovely @say-lene (thank you sooooo much <3) tagged me to list a few works that are what i consider my personal best and/or really define my aesthetic sensibilities and im tagging @anderstrevelyan and @orlesianapologist if they'd like to do the same!! (sorry for doubletagging in case that happens lmao)

i wish the hand of god would come and relieve me of this way (The Dark Urge/Ketheric Thorm)

Ketheric Thorm goes to receive his blessing from Myrkul, and witness his daughter Isobel live again. When that doesn't go strictly according to plan, the Dark Urge finds him.

honestly i just really love the triangulation of desire happening through father-daughter-god issues and whatever unholy combination of the three i can arrange. and if that is a crime, i certainly am guilty!

you've a gift for hating (you should know, you're the expert) (Minthara Baenre/Enver Gortash)

Gortash ‘invites’ Minthara to attend a late-night rendezvous to pry some information about the newly returned Dark Urge. Things move on from there in unexpected directions.

i love this fic so much, i genuinely enjoyed writing the complex set of Issues they have to negotiate around to even have a combative and frankly malevolent relationship with each other bc they are soooo similar and would bite each other (sexually, malignantly) if ever they were in a room together

the world is not enough (but it's a wonderful place to start) (Enver Gortash/Orin the Red; The Dark Urge/Enver Gortash; The Dark Urge/Orin the Red)

Orin wonders at the relationship between the Dark Urge and Enver Gortash. Only one man in all of Baldur's Gate can answer that question, so she goes to him dressed in her sibling's skin.

i just really love my weird psychosexual threesomes against the geneva convention. part of me has never really moved on from loving the interplay of three freaks with Issues. if you look at it from a weird enough angle it's also really tender. in a way. to me.

[fappellmoan]

hi everyone this feels wildly self centered and silly but i made a guide to my dyke drama/lore that i talk about in barely coded but convoluted terms. i love internet safety. doing this at the request of exactly one person and for the rest of u it's under the cut if youre curious and feel so inclined hashtag close friends <3 i highlighted my previous ways of referring to these people and important notes bc otherwise i just rambled soooo bad <3 and as much as im maybe romanticizing in some ways here i do genuinely care for and love (most of) these people outside of my weirdofreak brain and try my best to do well by them in our relationships. and maybe i just wanted to write beautiful things about my friends whatever

lydia: they're on here we met on here and now we're roommates. we met bc we were two of the only bitches posting in the muna tag and she was brave enough to reply to my one naomi video. and i was like um ok... FREAK.. and then yk we were mutuals but i was always paranoid they'd somehow know film girl or my roommates (or just. other ppl) bc i was being insane so that was awk but then i had a mental breakdown a little bit one night on here about my childhood and decorating for holidays and they offered to meet on campus and give me some leaves for my window and i was like aww (and we used them this year to decorate our shared apartment :')) and i remember i was wearing my black and white sweatshirt that i wore to go see dan live that ive since given away i think but it feels like. a sign u know.. or whatever.. and we do have mutual friends in weird circles including one that connects to steve (see later notes) so it's like chances are we couldve met in person but this just made it really special. we beef bad. but with sooo much love. and i do think we're better for knowing each other or whatever...

film girl: this was bad. i have a tag dedicated to anything i remembered to tag as part of the saga but it was so bad and beyond anything words can say... i'd give her another name but she could never be anything but film girl. it's like if u were there u know. if u weren't... let's just say i was crazy insane mentally ill bonkers jeff buckley lover you shouldve come over i know it's over. maroon 5 even about it. bad. but consider she leaned into me like she did her bf for their first kiss, said our night together when we went to our friend's party where she had dressed up as jennifer check (i showed her the movie it was a whole thing) and danced with me and talked right against my neck and grabbed onto me while walking and said she was maybe bi and i deserved someone really nice and im so swaggy etc and then going back to her place and making me food and watching himym on the floor (oct. 21st u will go down in herstory...) made her the 'happiest person in the world,' stayed over at my apartment until the following morning more than once, unwrapped her bruised hand and held it out to me to see/touch (absolute freaks moment like kill me actually. and that was the day i perioded myself. to use pj of bottoms' terms.) was just generally engaging in psychosexual warfare with me all the time. and we didn't even fuck. or kiss. and she had a boyfriend. who looked like a girlfriend (not that i personally had in february of last year but regardless..) i mean come on she was a straight woman she wasnt even allowed to say slay.. i genuinely still think we need to kill each other but it doesn't matter. how is she still linked to my life? well. we had a class this semester with steve and stede and lydia and scully (prof im in love with. this name is hilar), sort of friends with cool artsy queer girl group (hometown friends, one her best friend i almost met up with at muna concert (with her) one who looks a bit like jackie kennedy. ok not really but that's the one my one friend josh (woman) made out with last semester), had a class with steve and sam last semester with dave, our shared prof that steve told details of our first date and etc to.

steve: this is gonna be ex situationship from beginning of this semester - mid october. gets this name bc they're obsessed w that pirate show so like stede but i simply wont name them that and at this point im annoyed enough w their taste in things that steve feels fitting. anyway. was genuinely very kind and sweet but also got clingy soo fast and we were on very different pages. we'd met last fall (when they had a gf) and worked together on sets and in a couple classes, they kind of got caught up in my triangulation of desire for jane at her birthday party.. and i had fun flirting! um and they were genuinely again very very considerate and sweet but like. seemed to struggle to have a personality outside of their ex and maybe their siblings a bit. idk. just very passive. sowwy. also they were not a very good kisser. i do remember back in may being vindicated bc they also commented on film girl and bf

jane: naming her jane in a gay way. a jane austen way. in that i think we should write lifelong love letters to each other. holy shit shut up. so this is always 'friend im in love with' or 'a little in love with' or whatever. she is also girl with cool short hair and piercings and tattoos and a bookbag with tits on it so god forbid my infatuation. and i just love her voice and i think she's brilliant and so good at what she does and all around just like an awesome person she inspires me to be better and whatever. and she always dresses so cool and used to host house shows (i still never made it to one) (film girl did once) and when we first started talking we were at a film event and were supposed to be networking or whatever but instead we stood by the drinks together and talked abt how we both wanted to be friends in our writing class but never said it and thought the other hated each other a little bit but we were both just awkward and so we'd always make eye contact and laugh and banter together in class and i rlly was just in love with her. and this summer was crazyyy we were on steve's set together and i was a little freak just so obviously enamored with her but the thing is she was obnoxious too so i didnt even feel like a loser. she asked me to massage her arms once and said my half assed attempt was lame and we leg wrestled (also w steve. kinda funny. like yeah u would) and exchanged drunk stories and she said i needed better ones and then i beat her at stack cup at her bday and gave her her card and she hugged me and her lips were wet from the beer she just drank from and right on my arm and i was like wow. her kingdom (surrounded by people who she loved and loved her) for a kiss upon my shoulder. if u will. and i had to have a middle school Look Away moment bc she stripped in front of a few of us that night and i was far too intoxicated to not like lose my mind. also she was supposed to give me a book on set once but never did and im still bummed. and one random night she texted asking if id found a place to live and when i answered she never followed up and i still wonder what that was abt. if anything. um but she does have a boyfriend of like 5 or 6 years. from high school. the worst part is hes a semi cool dude but it's just like really. let her fuck a woman! just once even! jk they are both genuinely cool people first and i think it's great they found each other in this life. but also like fuck off ugh. yk. not to romanticize my life and friendships i just think in another life we were soulmates or maybe in a way we are now. but we also only knew each other for a brief time so maybe something else. we could've done backstreets

sam: friend i just mentioned recently who has a crazy name we shant get into it. i do have a different actual friend named sam but i havent seen her in forever. so i met them working on steve's senior film set and thought they were cool and they were one of the only ones to make it out to our post-wrap dinner/drinks and then we had two classes together this semester. and so we became sort of allies we'd meet up to go to the museum together and send each other the attendance and i went to see fnaf when he rented out a theater for a huge group lol and he helped on my film which meant a lot even if it was only for a bit cause of you know. the everything that was going on. with steve and etc. it wasnt easy to get there so like bless their heart. they also came up with the name for my film and we had that moment around the fire and well i do hope i'll continue to see them just as a friend even, and they're genuinely just the coolest they do a lot of drag and character/costume design and are genuinely just one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i know and they always have the coolest fucking outfits and hats and shit and omg they looked so good in their doc. just something abt the posture and the whimsy and the earnestness and look overall. woah. um when we were on steve's set my friend jackie leaned over and said 'i thought they were film girl for a second' so basically i need to redacted. but it's not like that bad of a resemblance. once again has a partner cause im cursed forever to sleep on a twin size mattress maybe or whatever. i havent even listened to that song more than like once but maybe it is real for me. anyway they were also in the class with steve and film girl with dave.

stede: im sorry this is so funny to me bc this person and steve go by the same name irl but spelled differently or whatever. we met and had a very energetic chat in the hallway at the beginning of this semester jim thought we knew each other lol. they're real cute and endearing and like i said kind of give butch. and we had two classes together but i had so much shit going on man i just. yeah. seemed like they were maybe a little into me but whatever. and well i think we should have a fling but who said that

jim: my buddy prof he's my buddy :-) he helped me so much sophomore spring as i was trying rlly hard to produce our class films and insane already over film girl (he didnt know that but it was omnipresent) and so close to dropping out and is just the coolest guy. he's a little bit like a father figure what who said that. i remind him of his youngest daughter a lot and ive lived in the same buildings as his older one. so just funny connections. i go to his office hours and such a lot with the film friends

grace: one of my film friends. (i just realized i do know a girl in film named grace but it's not her so anyway.) i am in awe of the way she commits to stuff and motivates people around her. she is just so game for anything to make the best of a situation. shes studying abroad this semester so ive only seen her on video chats/texted and missed the one day she came back for her bf's bday. well and she was the friend who said 'no he can keep himself busy' when we went to go see x together so she didnt make me hang out w her not even lame bf at first which was so nice. cause then i eventually actually did want to meet him. and theyre the least annoying couple ive ever met. and shes bi <3

jackie: another film friend. also love her dearly another stoner so we'd smoke together before class sometimes and just went on a walk with our other friend one night around the woods and stuff that was fun. i usually refer to grace and jackie collectively as 'the film friends.' we met in that spring of sophomore year (same class as film girl and jim). this one did have steve produce her senior film after they said they wouldn't work on mine bc of the ""situation"" i was a little sour that was an awkward um situation but it's whatever. i sometimes say film friends and mean a larger group of these ppl/a few extended but whatever

frank: ive just called him frank hes frank hes the coolest dude in the world i think everyone would be obsessed with him and i just think like man hes lived such a life. he's my short cool professor whos just so good at what he does. he's met so many people and done so many things. his van is so him he has a suction cup to pull his windows up in the winter and random albums in the front seat. im gonna try to work w him next semester. i was in that van last night feeling like i was in a gta level to go pick up pizza for our final class.

scully: my film comedy and tv analysis professor she is so everything to me... she loves women and evil women and gay people and camp and horror and comedy and tv and sex and just weirdo freak shit and shes so intelligent and quick on her feet and charming and just. an amazing lecturer. she said be gay do violence once. i felt seen. she said she used to pull her friends (favorite characters) out of the tv and carry them around in her pocket and i knew she understood... she saw bottoms and emailed me and lydia right away. and she's seen willow. and ofc so many other things. and she'll go 'this seems like the type of person/film/etc that you would be inspired by..' OK QUEEN I LOVE U. i want to do cocaine with her. huh. im taking gender and film with her next semester :333 im so excited

claire: friend from high school friend group who ended up ditching me and our other friend a lot that one summer and we almost lived together and we're just always kinda weird around each other but we were some of the only ppl the other hung out with fall semester 2020 so like.

drake and josh: i almost always refer to them together they're codependent a little bit roommates and i love them dearly and i met them thru claire sophomore year but ive hung out with them alone and stayed at their place when i got too drunk and that night i fell down the stairs. me and drake act a little homoerotic sometimes for fun. i cried at dinner over film girl once to her it was embarrassing. i miss going hammocking with them <3

dave: i had him last fall he's really cool he got me on a shoot w the mayor (and steve and jane) and was so cool about me not ocming to class a lot bc i kept in touch w him and hes my homie. film girl had a class w him then too and then last semester was the like news class that crew had together. and steve told dave all abt our first date and etc and got date ideas from him and i was like oh wow... ok lol

couch: couch roommate. theyre not relevant in my life enough to make a name but the couch story was stupid as hell and this one also left ground beef in the sink that one time and had a thing for a rugby girl that steve had a little fling with

jean: if i say 'one of my masc gfs' i probably mean them. sort of friends with couch like she was in my apartment once last year but um. yeah. had a crush on them for like a month at one point and we follow each other on insta and talked when we saw each other on campus the first time and thats like it. chances r ill forget abt this fake name and still just throw that in if i ever see her

[periru3]

Festivids Rec List, But Make It Horny (part 2)

This is part two of my horny festivids rec list I felt compelled to make for some reason. You can find part 1 here.

8. Alone With You Inside My Mind (Doctor Sleep) Unlike the Bound vids and Janelle Monáe vids, I had to put this one very far from the other Rebecca Ferguson thirst vid on accounts of that one being about a person being hot and this one being about a child-eating monster being hot. Yes, this is a (freaking hysterical) crack vid about Rose the Hat saying “hi there” a bunch, but also it’s legitimately spooky and sexy at the same time, which is quite a feat. Anyway this one is at #8 because no matter how normal she looks, this is still a monster-fucker vid. And that is good. 7. Put on a Show (Wheel of Time) Another vid where I very much do not know what’s going on, but the femdom energy here is off the charts. There’s choking, there’s tying boys up while you sit in a throne and look down on them, there’s blowing things up with magic, and there’s a hell of a lot of whoever this lady is walking around looking imperious and hot. Whatever these folks have going on, it’s more than enough to land them in the kinkier half of this list.    6. She’s a Lady & I’m Gonna Make You Love Me (Christine) Alright so one could certainly argue that these vids aren’t actually horny, and that’s fair. But I won’t beat around the bush: the fact of the matter is whether or not we as viewers are horny for her, Arnie wants to fuck his serial killer car. As far as monster-fucking Stephen King vids of this year go, while these may be a less sexy vid than the Rose one, the whole “wanting to fuck a car” thing definitely pushes it higher up on the kinky, bizarre, and fucked up scales than Alone With You Inside My Mind. 5. Ángel (Tár) Alright so this one is a toughie. It’s a beautiful character study, it’s dark and intense and creepy, it’s at times honestly quite sexy, and it’s also about a sexual predator. So. Finding parts of the vid hot is more than a little uncomfortable. Obviously themes of sex pervade the vid, though it’s unclear to me whether describing it as a “horny vid” is totally fair. This absolutely stunning vid lands the #5 spot on pure fucked-upness. 4. Dream Girl Evil (Last Night in Soho) Speaking of fucked up vids with non-con elements that aren’t necessarily supposed to be sexy so much as dealing with themes of sexuality, here’s a really cool Last Night in Soho vid! Look, this vid is listed as M/F and Gen, and I’m not here to question the vidder’s intent. But also, friends, let’s be real: there is a weird psychosexual undercurrent to Ellie’s obsession with Sandie. And this is really heightened by the sexy song that includes the lyrics “did mommy make you mad?” in a real sultry voice. Anyway, suddenly finding yourself inside someone else’s body and becoming obsessed with them is inherently homoerotic….. SPEAKING OF WHICH… 3. Anymore (Face/Off) …FACE/OFF!!! I can see people watching this vid and not thinking it’s that horny…. But I, the vid recipient and an intellectual, know otherwise. Listen, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: suddenly finding yourself inside someone else’s body and becoming obsessed with them is inherently homoerotic! And also fucked up and bizarre! God this vid has so much going on. There’s face swapping. There’s face licking (biting?). There’s shoot offs. There’s doves. It’s tagged “Sean Archer/Castor Troy” and also “enemies to enemies. ” What a delight. 2. Blood in the Cut (Taskmaster RPF) This is a vid about what a little freak Little Alex Horne is and honestly that is a genre of content I literally always want more of. There’s blood, wax, jealousy, humiliation, bondage – all the things that make Taskmaster great. Very horny. Very weird. Very kinky. It’s almost hard to imagine anyone beating Alex Horne for the freakiest freak of festivids award…….. 1. Body (David Cronenberg) …..Except that someone made me a fucking David Cronenberg vid!!!!!!! I’m not even gonna say more on this one, I’ll just leave you with the tags: “body horror, but make it hot”

Anyway, my three gifts are flawless and I’m also obviously very here for all the other thirsty content this festivids as well. I might be back with an actual rec list at some point. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

(Part 1)

[manorpunk]

talking about your ocs is spec fic if their psychosexual fixations are weird enough. just ask jg ballard

So - this will tie in eventually, let it cook - so I have a habit of being coy with myself when I start writing something, being like “okay yeah one day I’ll turn this into a novel or serial fiction or something but in the meantime I’ll just Post until I actually figure out what I’m getting at here,” like when you put “not for novel” at the top of a document to keep yourself from taking it too seriously, and usually I’ll give up on whatever I’m starting after a couple weeks and then try something else.

I did not give up on manorpunk. It’s corny to admit, but it actually all started because I made a new year’s resolution to start a writing project, share it, and not drop it the first time I felt embarrassed about it, and then I read Robert Kurvitz’s outro statement from the Disco Elysium artbook. I’ve stuck with manorpunk for almost six months by now, which given my track record is a small miracle.

Six months has been long enough for me to realize that I will, at some point, have to pick a side - is this a materially informed spec fic or a way to put silly characters in a jar and shake them? Am I gesturing toward some deeper point here, or is all this just a pastiche? After much thought, I have decided that I will take whatever side the gay little freaks are on, because gay little freaks are among the best and kindest people I have ever met, and because when I asked myself “what is manorpunk?” the most satisfying answer that I’ve found is “it’s the story of the gay little freaks that I’ve trapped inside of some Victoria 3 mod”

[charlesdesvoeux]

top five tertiary characters from amc's the terror

WARNING: we're about to enter my mind palace aka The Terror That Exists In My Head bc some of these guys get like. 3 lines tops so a lot of my thoughts on them are informed by fics and whatnot but here it goes

1. Charles Des Voeux: my namesake, my sewer gremlin, my beloved. he doesn't get a whole lot of screen time but when he does it is DAMNING. he's bitchy, he's racist, he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in have you ever seen him without his stupid hat on. the dezza that exists in my head is indeed a very weird guy whose mind astounds me; he thinks he's doing a very good job at coming off as Normal but he is NOT everybody knows he's weird and they're either kind of scared or think he's pathetic. extremely classist (son of a baronet, after all) but also he was shipped off to the navy bc his own family found him a little unsettling so he resents them too. of course he also has a psychosexual fixation on Dr. Stanley and the stuff he is into sex-wise more generally would probably freak an average 21st century person out so you can imagine how his 19th century peers saw him.

2. Tommy Armitage: my darling tortured boy. i am SO fascinated by hickey's assessment of him just before carnivale (while he is delusional in many aspects he is great at reading people imo); why is he so fixated on the marines, why does he "long for it" in hickey's words? does he feel degraded by his work as a steward, essentially a servant? does he feel like he's a coward and wearing that red coat would give him courage, would mean that he's amounted to something in his life? he also feeds Heather at carnivale and I think that speaks volumes to the extent that tozer probably trusted him. his devotion to Sol- AND IT IS THERE IN CANON IMO, YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT A LITTLE BIT BUT IT IS THERE- is also so interesting to me. He followed that man into mutiny, into ruin, saw him become a shadow of himself but continued to love him.

3. Henry Le Vesconte: yeah, I'm gonna call him tertiary. he doesn't have a lot of lines or screentime; I think he tends to be more prominent in fics due to his station as lieutenant (and bc from episode 3 onwards he was the only surviving lieutenant of erebus) and also because HE IS A CHARACTER WITH POTENTIAL. dandy-ish and charming, with just a touch of the rake. to see him broken and desperate and ultimately mutinous, abandoning crozier to the mutineers and the ill to their fate in a desperate attempt to prolong their survival when he started off sooooo different is very intriguing to me. also post-abandoning-captain-quiet-mutiny-starvation-march nedconte makes me feral.

4. William Pilkington: he went down but he went down swinging (he's the one who dies with a wilhelm scream). did you know he interacts with Armitage at least 3 times in the show??? considering how little time they get this is HUGE trust me #tommypilks is real. I see him as a guy who was probably pretty convivial and fun to be around before... everything that went down, maybe even a little cocky but in an endearing kind of way. to see the desperation in his face as him and Tommy try to talk tozer into going back to the ships and as they face tuunbaq for the final time and thinking about what he used to be.... Jesus Christ. There's also this image:

which I think about every day. "he has that sadness in his eyes" etc. and his expression as crozier is brought to mutineer camp. also interesting!!!!

5. Edmund Hoar: considering that he has like. 2 lines I think about him a lot. The fact that he rose to the post of captain's steward in his early 20s is really impressive imo but what really made me go "hey WHO is this guy" was the carnivale soup moment:

that's him on the left, Samuel Crispe from Terror on the right. like wait a minute what is going on here. a steward kind of has to maintain a level of "propriety" and "respectability" bc they work closely with command but fuck it- its carnivale, our id is showing, and hoar's id told him to get into the soup with this other guy nearly naked. two bros chilling in a big pot less than 5 feet apart cuz they are gay. also in my mind he's like the bratty teenage daughter to bridgens' impossibly patient dad and that dynamic is very dear to me.

bonus: my "canon OCs" (people that existed historically but were not mentioned in the show) William Elphinstone Malcolm (jirv's best friend who in my show!version is in love with him and jirv is also in love with him but won't admit it) and Eleanor Franklin (Franklin's daughter by his first wife who in my show!version is essentially "what if cornelius hickey was a Poor Little Rich Girl lesbian")

[quick-catton]

Hi quick-catton!! First of all I love your page and I love your personality💕💕💕 I also LOVE Saturn and Felix and Oliver just-😫😫😫 I love it every time you post, it makes my day!! Right now I just really need your help. Today I had to go on another account just to send something to my ask box because since I started my account last year, I’ve gotten nothing and it really hurts.

I love how open and freaky you are in your posts and I’m honestly the same way with Saltburn and an anime fandom that I’ve shaped my blog around. I used to be a little calm and collected but you’re inspiring to just let go and let my freak flag fly but the problem is, with my fandom, I don’t think people are going to be very inviting. Like literally the only thing I wanna do right now is babygirl code my favorite anime character sooo badly but I’m afraid I’ll lose all my followers and when I try to I get no engagement.

Like I wrote three freaking paragraphs about how good he’d look with a navel piercing! That was this morning and I got nothing all day but four likes. No reblogs, no comments, I literally had to make another account and send myself some praise for that post just so I could post it to show people that at least someone else agrees with me.

And I know I should give it time but that’s the problem. Some of my other posts like that don’t grow. They just get five likes and that’s it and it sucks because all I wanna do is engage with people that want to see this boy in lingerie or a skirt or goddamn pregnant (told you I was a freak)

I just don’t know what to do. How do you deal that? I’m honestly this close to deleting my account coz it seems like I’m posting to a blank wall and it’s so embarrassing coz everyone can see it. Sorry this is so long! Thank you for quickcatton 💕💕

WAH ANON ur so sweet omg, thank you?? <33 honestly i feel like i don't have good advice because i only made a tumblr for the first time EVER at the beginning of january!!! i am 23 and had never set foot on this app, but i saw that most of the saltburn fandom was here, so i gave it a shot and i've just been learning as i go.

i think that's half of my 'luck' with having a good experience on this app, is that because this fandom is so fresh, it's super active, but it's also a very small fandom (relative to some others) so we're all kinda like a hivemind here LOL, and because of the source material of the movie itself being weird/freaky/psychosexual, we all know that anything goes and the more freaky the brainrot, the better! i'm in other fandoms where if i said half of the shit i say here, i'd be ostracized, so it's really a case by case basis unfortunately </3

ik i yap a lot here but i also hold back sooo much because even tho ik we're all weirdos here, i still get nervous about putting out my writing or not having people vibe with an idea– you're not alone in that, i promise. it helps forming friendships in your fandoms so you know that there'll always be people who you can get hype over ideas with, but i know that's easier said than done sometimes <3

i don't have advice on engagement because i honestly don't look at that stuff (which i know is so annoying to say lol but it's true); i made this account purely to have a place to dump brainrot/art etc and view other people's saltburn content and i didn't care about engagement, i just got lucky to meet some cool people and make close friends through it.

i think if people can tell you're having fun through your posts, they'll vibe with you! it does take time with the good ol' algorithm, i'm sure, but as long as your page brings YOU joy, that's what matters most. people don't have to agree with your takes, life is too short to be vanilla and water urself down for others :^) making fandom friends and gaining interactions will come along with being yourself, but if posting here and running the account feels more stressful to you than it is fun, it's okay to step away too!

if you're on ao3 and sites like that, leaving comments on your fave works can be a great way to get conversations going as well. i met my closest friend on here bc she stumbled across my fic on ao3 and then sent me a message; it was purely up to chance, but branching out and being brave starting conversations with your fave accounts can be a great way to feel more included in the fandoms you're in and maybe you'll meet cool people along the way!! <33

[saiiboat]

top 5 bleach characters

1. ichimaru gin. who do you think i am. hes my freak. guy with every issue. what if you wanted to get back a piece of your best friends soul that was stolen from her and so you become the right hand man of the man who stole it from her. and you let her think you betrayed her so you could keep trying to get back that piece of her soul. and then you died while trying to get it back and shes crying over you as youre dying and your last thought is "im so glad i got to tell you im sorry". what then. what fucking then.

2. hirako shinji. hes my other freakazoid. what if you were some weird freakish guy obsessed with jazz and your best friend is a 12 year old girl who lives to kick in your stupid face and call you names. and you have a psychosexual relationship with your lieutenant who you know is going to try and betray you at some point but you keep him close so you can keep an eye on him. and then when he does eventually betray you and turn you and your friends into monsters he tells you that he was only able to do that because you never got to know him. maybe if you fucked that freak none of this would have happened, shinji

3. kuchiki rukia. what if you were so full of grief and guilt but you were also a silly little creature obsessed with the wonder of juiceboxes and other human oddities and drew bunnies and lived in some teenager's closet. and then you are given the death penalty.

4. hitsugaya toushirou. what if you were twelve and in the military and because your stupid military captain disappeared or died or something you were unlucky enough to be the next in the chain of command to be a military captain. also your older sister's captain is murdered and she goes insane because someone forges a letter from her dead captain and tells her that YOU killed him and now your older sister is trying to kill YOU and youre just trying to protect HER and then it turns out that her captain is ALIVE and trying to KILL HER and then he almost kills YOU and the last thing you do before falling unconscious is reach for your sister

5. Kira Izuru. what if you were so loyal to your captain but some stuff starts to happen and hes definitely involved in it and he tells you that if you just follow along he'll promise not to hurt your friend who you love. but stuff keeps getting worse and it scares you and HE scares you but the only positive trait you see in yourself is your loyalty to him as his lieutenant so. well. as long as your friend is safe, you'll follow him. but then you hear that he's betrayed everyone. he's betrayed YOU. your friend got hurt and he didn't protect her like he promised that he would. and you go to talk to your captain's old friend who is also dealing with this betrayal and you get drunk and you cry and you laugh and when thats all said and done you don't let anyone say his name in front of you. it physically hurts to think about him.

[rigginsstreet]

2, 3 & 6

2. How many works did you publish this year?

at least 10. thats how many 2023 fics i have on ao3 but then theres some things i wrote on tumblr i never transferred over

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

this is freak behavior but i wrote a thing on tumblr about steve having a twin he has a weird psychosexual relationship with + billys involved.... and i still think about it often lmfao i think i need to let myself be unhinged more often that may be where i do my best work. to ME.

6. Favorite title you used

show me your teeth. i dont CARE thats its overused first of all no one loves lady gaga like i do second of all ... cannibal demom came back wrong!heather deserves that.

[povestotrischane]

basic mecha vn adaptation details:

- it'll be an eroge for a variety of long and complicated reasons which basically boil down to "the public perception of vn genre has been heavily sanitized in the west, western vns are notorious for being #notlikeothervns and the words "western vn" are mainly used derogatorily, by harkening back to the legacy of classic eroge such as f/sn, tsukihime, fmdm or fucking. i don't know. rance. i feel i'd better attract fans of the genre + combat the increasing sanitization of vns, seen in Every Mainstream VN Release In The West and in increasingly in the japanese market as well (i HATE f/sn realta nua. i'm not saying nasu is good at writing h-scenes or w/e (he's cartoonishly bad at it actually) but i am saying that it's A Choice to take hf, the route about sex and sexuality and the sex = death trope, and get rid of all the h-scenes) + weed out ppl who think ddlc is soooo messed up and genuinely. would not be able to handle 10 minutes of idk. higurashi or smthing" with a side of "ofc sex and sexuality are important thematically, tf do you think i am?"

- 4 routes. gawaine is the narrator. it goes priamus -> ysabelle -> lancelot -> ragnelle. sgatgk doesn't happen until route 4. route 1 is a bit expository and is ultimately about gawaine's political machinations/two-faced-ness, modred stabs the shit out of him a la the alliterative morte in the end. route 2 is basically about gawaine doing whatever the fuck he wants forever, do his actions have consequences? eh. does he want to fuck his mecha? probably. is it more complicated than that but takes a while to articulate? yeah lol. route 3 is about uhm. obsession. it's the remarkable route and gawaine is a total freak idk what to tell you he's so abnormal in this one. route 4 is a straight up horror route in which gawaine IS naturally the perfect chivalrous knight who would never do anything he's done throughout the rest of the vn and also galahad levels of repressed. something is deeply wrong. renard the fox is there. overarching themes surround desire, indulgence/repression, chivalry, idealism, sex and sexuality.

- ok time for actual lore stuff. gringolet and galatine are the same thing. and by that i mean gawaine's mecha is galatine, in the same way that lancelot's is secace and arthur's is excaliber, etc. but also. galatine is gringolet, because he stole gringolet from the saxons and quickly decided to officially rename it to that of the mecha he's Supposed to have bc he's not stupid. the thing is, gringolet is uhm. an organic lifeform! (think nge or darling in the franxx) and sentient! and gawaine and gringolet are thus able to share a much deeper bond than anyone else in the round table and their mechas. the og galatine probably ended up being renamed to clarent and given to modred, for a mix of reasons (tie up loose ends, a mecha is a lot harder to sneak around than a sword + why would there be a ceremonial mecha? things have to be rewritten here, leads to there only being one sister mecha to excaliber, makes an easily identifiable symbol of modred and gawaine's relationship for when the inevitable fratricide comes up).

- the ladies of the lake are ais, the du hautdeserts are either robots, humonculi, or one of each, magic and technology are kinda blended to the point where pointing out the difference is kinda pointless

- aggravaine beheads lamorak for thematic reasons which come down to "damn. there seems to be a pattern with his brothers and weird psychosexual issues regarding beheadings. how would that apply to him." and uhm. lamorvaine real.

- the current state of arthur's kingdom is uhm. kinda in a bit of disrepair. like even the richest of the rich don't have the best conditions available. the world is practically covered in a thin layer of rust.

- most countries are planets (occasionally they'll also include like. nearby asteroids / moons / w/e), the names + uniforms used/worn by the knights change based on what planet they're on, in writing and in international diplomacy, they always go back to their latin names though

- tristan pilots a dogfighter instead of a mecha bc 1. he's an archer and 2. mechas are reserved for round table knights

- knights are wayyyy more likely to getting into classic sword/lance/fist/bow fights than actual duels

- morale kinda sucks in the round table as a natural result of (thematic reasons)

- uhhhhm i can't think of anything else rn