#weird girls NEED at least one cat media to make content for it keeps them healthy

[cowboycatss]

ummm big fan of the hc that they r brothers

[purplesurveys]

1278

Social Media Survey

[joybucket]

What is your favorite social media site?  Either Twitter or YouTube, though I never use YouTube as a social media site per se so I guess this round goes to Twitter.

Do you use...

facebook? myspace? twitter? snapchat? instagram? youtube? pinterest? bzoink? another site with message boards? tumblr? deviantart? xanga?

Facebook

Do you get on Facebook every day?  Yeah pretty much all throughout the day. I used to never use it, like never ever; but back in college all announcements were coursed through Facebook so I was technically required to be on it regularly, and it was from there that I began to see memes and start to be more active. I’m a shitposter more than anything though and I rarely ever post stuff of my own. How many FB friends do you have?  I have 679 at the moment but I want to get rid of like 500 of them; it’s just such a long list to go through so I never get to proceed with my unfriending spree lol.

Have you ever been on a deleting spree?  HAHA I just mentioned that. I’ve always wanted to, but like I said 679 is already such an exhaustive list for me, and that’s considering I only started touching my Facebook in like 2019. I can’t imagine people who started Facebook in like 2009 and have 4000 friends aka most people I know.

Have you blocked a lot of haters?  I don’t have haters; at least I’m not aware of any that I have. Not that it’s something I care about at this point.

Do you get bullied online a lot?  No, but that’s also because I don’t really open the channels for people to send in hate. I don’t have Q&A handles like Curious Cat and I never pick out that option in Instagram where people can send in questions.

What's your favorite Facebook app?  Oh I never use Facebook for their apps. Are those still even a thing...? Anyway, I mainly go there to be on the hunt for stupid memes I can reshare or to watch videos that are either funny or informative.

Are you a fan of selfies?  I don’t mind if other people do it, but I think I’m honestly bad at selfies so I almost never take them. I’ve never figured out my angles or what filters look ok on me.

Has anyone ever called the police on you because they didn't like your status?  No but I have had my posts reported because they were deemed ‘offensive.’ Which is weird because my posts that have been taken down are those that speak out against disgusting men, which says a lot about Facebook runs their shit more than anything else.

Are you in any facebook groups?  I’m in nearly a hundred groups, both private i.e. for school purposes, and public.

Are you the admin of any groups?  Nah. Too much time and effort needed out of me.

Do you report abuse to group admins whenever you see it?  Yes. I report the post then leave the group.

What could make Facebook better?  They could put more effort into detecting and banning troll farms.

What year did you start using Facebook?  I made an account in 2012 because of a high school class that required us to upload this specific video-format homework onto Facebook (which in hindsight is such an insensitive homework considering that was nearly a decade ago when the Philippines was still severely behind in internet connection speeds?? Ugh). But I didn’t start actively using my account until around two years ago.

What is your current profile picture of?  Myself, posing in front of the sunflowers in school during the recent graduation season.

Did you like the old Myspace better than Facebook?  I was never a regular user of Myspace, so...

Pinterest

What are some of your favorite boards?  I’ve never had a clue what the purpose of Pinterest was. I mean I have an account...but I’ve also never gotten the hang of it?? so I never touch it hahaha.

Have you ever done a craft you saw on Pinterest?  Well no, because I’m terrible at arts and crafts anyway.

Do you have a Dream Wedding board? If so, what's on it?  No.

If you have a Dream House board, what does your dream house look like?  Ok fine this one I did start hahahah but I don’t even remember what I added on there anymore. I’m sure it was filled with modern-style houses with minimalist interior design.

Do you wish they'd bring the "like" button back?  I’m not even aware of this option.

Do you have a Bucket List board?  Not aware of this either.

Which do you like better: Just Girly Things or And That's Who I Am? The second one sounds less childish. < Same, and it sounds like it covers more.

Do you have a board for tattoos you like? If so, what are some of your faves?  No. The only one I ever made was the house one, then Pinterest quickly became boring from there when I realized there wasn’t much else I could do besides making mood boards.

Do you have a "Random" or "Miscellaneous" board?  No.

Have you ever reached the maximum number of boards?  No.

Do you have any secret boards?  No.

Have you ever had a Pin deleted because of copyright laws?  No.

Do you have a Color board? No.

Do you have an About Me board? If so, what's on it? No.

YouTube

Do you have a YouTube channel? If so, what is it?  Technically I do but I only have it so I can tailor video suggestions to my interests and so that I can like videos and subscribe to channels I like.

What kind of things do you post on YouTube?  I’ve never posted any video on there, not even private ones. I’m also not the type to comment.

What do you like to watch on YouTube?  These days YouTube serves as a stress reliever for me, which is to say I would typically go for humorous BTS-related compilations because there are sooooo many hilarious channels that make these great videos haha. Occasionally I’d go back to channels or series that I used to frequent, like Good Mythical Morning, Buzzfeed’s Worth It and Unsolved, Try Guys, Watcher, etc. 

Are you subscribed to any channels?  To so many.

Do you watch any vlogs? If so, what ones are your favorite?  Hm probably Jiwoo’s, though her channel is called Mejiwoo. I find her content calming and conversational and basically fun to binge-watch when I’m not looking for anything super super particular to watch.

If you have a channel, how many subscribers do you have?  0. I’m just a lurker.

Will you subscribe to my channel? (msg me if you want a link!)  Only if it’s really fit to my interests, I guess.

Do you watch music videos?  Rarely; not a fan of MVs in particular. I only really ever put an exception for BTS.

Have you ever watched a TV show on youtube?  Well no since their copyright team works hard and works fast lol. I do watch entire video game walkthroughs from time to time.

Have you ever worked out to exercise videos on youtube?  No, I can’t care less about working out tbh.

Have you watched Amanda Todd's famous video?  No. I’m scared that it might be too upsetting or triggering for me.

Have you ever looked up how to do something on YouTube?  Not really, I prefer looking up articles that can teach me step by step in words.

Do you get a lot of hate comments on youtube?  No, I’ve never posted anything on there.

How long have you been a youtuber?  Never been.

Instagram

Do you post on Instagram a lot?  I do 1-3 Instagram stories in a week, I would say. As for posts, I only have 4 in total and I don’t really feel the pressure to add more. I just post when I feel the want to.

Have you ever posted a poll on instagram?  Nah, I’m not too sure if anyone would participate so I’ve never tried. If you don't have an iPhone, do you wish you could use Instagram?  I’m pretty sure other operating systems can also use Instagram...

Do you have any followers?  Around 50, I think.

Do you like Instagram filters? I’ll use them sometimes to make my stories appear prettier.

Twitter

Do you think twitter is stupid? Hehe show me at least one person who doesn’t think so. < Coming from someone who regularly uses Twitter, agree. It is crazy stupid but stupid is what I’m there for. Which is honestly not always such a bad thing to me - I like that people are more themselves, more stripped-down, vulnerable on Twitter. People always seem to want to show off their best selves on Facebook and Instagram, so I’m actually kind of grateful that there is at least one social media out there where people can just be their clumsy, goofy selves.

How often do you tweet?  Probably a maximum of five a day. Nowadays I’m on there mostly to just scroll through my timelines.

Do you get on twitter every day?  Yes, both on my personal and fan account.

Bzoink

Do you make a lot of surveys?  I never make them but I try to take them as often as I can.

Do you take a lot of surveys?  Haha sorry, was one step ahead of you. Yeah, I do.

Do you post in the message boards?  Nah. I dunno if I’m even permitted to check the message boards on Bzoink considering I don’t have an account.

What types of surveys are your favorite?  Categorized surveys like this one or countdown ones can be fun, but at the end of the day I like sticking to the classic random survey.

Do you have friends on here?  Not on Bzoink, but here on Tumblr yes! There’s a number of people here I like keeping up with :)

Do you post all your secrets on here?  Again, not on Bzoink; but yep I share pretty much everything here.

What type of survey do you think I should make next?  Anything but basic/about me-themed ones that will ask for my name and eye color and weight.

Do you read peoples' answers to your surveys?  I’ve never made a survey.

Do you think you are good at making surveys? 

Do you try to make unique surveys?

What type of surveys do you want to see more of?

Random

This or That

Scattergories

Have You Ever

Are you like me?

About You

Personal, Deep Questions

Girly

Music shuffle

Would You Rather

Do you have this in your bedroom?

Long

Short

All About Your Crush

Fashion

Make-up

School

Music

Your health

Your friends

Confessions

Girl Confessions - how different is this from just confessions? Hahaha

R-Rated

Controversial topics

Myspace

Did you have a myspace when you were in high school?  I started an account in like 4th grade when Myspace was ~big, but I didn’t find it fun and everyone my age was on Friendster anyway, so I was largely inactive.

Do you use myspace now?  No. Is it still even around? I have no clue.

Do you miss bulletins? I didn’t get to join in on the fun so there’s nothing to miss.

Did you like customizing your profile with the old myspace?  Not attributed to Myspace but I did have a lot of fun customizing my Multiply and Tumblr accounts back in the day. That was a period where I really got to learn and play around with HTML :)

Did you have music on your profile?  Not on Myspace again but I did on Multiply! I had a cute little playlist that played the songs immediately as soon as you landed on my page hahaha.

Did you learn HTML when you used Myspace?  Tumblr, yeah. I believe the skills are still there but I’ll definitely be a bit rusty.

Did you have a customized cursor?  Oh, no. Wasn’t a fan of those as I found them a bit tacky.

Did you use glitter graphics?  Also found those tacky haha no, I never used those.

Do you remember posting glitter graphics on friends' pages?  Nope.

Did you make "dolls"?  I don’t recall ever making those.

Did you use photo captions?  Not sure what this is referring to so let’s just say no.

Did you have a photo slideshow on your profile?  Hmmm nope, I don’t think so.

Xanga

Did you have a Xanga account back in the day?  No. It wasn’t big here so I had never heard of it until I started taking surveys on here and heard people mentioning Xanga, actually.

Do you have a xanga account now?  No.

Did you post photos and quotes on your xanga page?  I never had any.

Snapchat

Do you use snapchat?  I did; I was superrrrr active on there for a time. It kind of just got old at one point, though, and my feed got more and more dead until I too just left my account dormant altogether.

What is your favorite filter?  There were a lot of cute ones on there that helped me be more confident with taking selfies but my favorites have to be the dog and flower crown ones.

Tumblr

Do you understand Tumblr?  I had a better handle of it when I ran a fan account that required me to be more active; but now that I really just go on here to take surveys I just use the basic functions and nothing more. But yeah, I understand just enough to get by.

Do you use Tumblr?  Yeah. Even on the days I don’t post surveys, I regularly go on here to keep up with friends I like keeping up with like Elisabeth, Lane, Steph, Lina, Julie :)

Other

What forum sites did you use to love that aren't around anymore?  There was one message board I frequented for this girly/tween magazine I used to collect, but I won’t share the name.

Are there any other great social media sites that you recommend?  I think this survey was able to cover all the main ones I use.

Do you use a photo editing site? If so, what?  I use apps instead of sites to edit my photos.

Do you ever use BeFunky.com?  Nope.

Do you use a video editing site? If so, what?  Nah, I rarely have to edit videos in a super intricate, detailed way. Apple’s video editing features suffice for me.

Have you ever downloaded fonts?  Very occasionally since it’s never necessary.

Have you ever used photobucket to upload an image?  No but I remember going on there back in the day to look for images. I never uploaded any, though.

Do you use iTunes?  Not anymore. I have an account on Spotify now.

Do you listen to music on Pandora?  No, never used it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #397

“you’re my religion, you’re my reason to live  /  you are the heaven in my hell”

Do you think that you’ll always love who you love now? Even if we're never together again romantically, I will ALWAYS love her at least as a best friend. Have you ever made out with a random person? Yeah, no. If you could do your first kiss over, would you? No. I'm lucky that my first kiss was honestly cute as hell. Do you like your country’s president or prime minister? Well I voted for him, so I obviously can't hate him. He seems to be doing fine so far, though take that with a grain of salt seeing as I don't keep up with politics. Even before voting for him, I just did a small bit of researching on his values. What color is your house? Yellow with white accents. Do you listen to Christmas music during the holiday season? No, I don't enjoy it. Man, Jason's mom sure did, though... I loved how in the spirit she'd get and always played Christmas music in the car during that time of year. I miss that woman and I sure as hell hope she rests easy now. Do you like ginger ale? Solely if I have a stomach bug, and I can only ever sip it. What are you listening to? "Electric Sugar Pop" by Jeffree Star. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? The TMS office has the TV on, and the woman who overlooks it (I have zero idea what her position is called) tends to have it either on a cooking channel or a home improvement one. Today was a cooking one. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? I don't have a favorite author. Describe someone you find really attractive: M-Mark Fischbach. *___* If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Hm... maybe my friend Alon. I've mentioned I feel like a million times that she is like, ethereal with how gorgeous she is. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written below it. She didn't cry at all, but she grit her teeth a few times. Do you have anything you couldn’t go a day without? Some form of technology. Have you ever gotten caught doing something illegal? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? I don't even think I've ever tried it. Is there someone you wanna date right now? Yeah. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? If we're talking the very first, our vast similar interests. How many brothers does your father have? None. Does your best friend have any tattoos? No. Do you like Ben + Jerry’s? Yep. Man, I want their Phish Food ice cream now. Would you ever wish to be the opposite sex? Nah. Do you think you’re attractive? Nope. What is your favorite card game to play? Magic: The Gathering. I really miss my PS3 where I had Duel of the Planeswalkers installed on it, it was really fun. Do you own a globe? I don't think we still do. What is your favorite wild cat? Perhaps clouded leopards. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? South Africa, Sara's place, and maybe a nice little cabin in the mountains for when I'm feeling a peaceful getaway. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? I have zero idea. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The pond behind the local community college. Jason and I took our first prom pictures there. Do you take yoga classes? No, but I'm actually considering it since they offer those at the YMCA Mom and I now go to. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? To let Jason go. It's pretty great, my PTSD has been less of a bother lately! Have you ever made any money from a side-hustle? Could you consider being paid to take pictures once in a blue moon a "side hustle" when I don't even have a main job? Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Ugh... it's incredibly painful to wonder how life would be if Jason never left. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Adele's or Amy Lee's, probs. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, hard rock, alternative. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been homeless? If so, what led to your homelessness? Technically, yes, because Mom couldn't afford the rent. She, my little sister (who still lived with us at the time), and I each were accepted into the homes of willing, kind people, though. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? Heath Ledger's Joker is quoted all the time, so probably him. What do you think of the "Healthy At Every Size" movement/philosophy? Before I answer this, I want you to keep in mind that this is coming from someone who is obese, so I would positively love to agree with that for my own self-confidence, but I don't. I believe it's a very dangerous mentality. I think you should cherish your body unconditionally, like it's an amazing machine, but I firmly believe you should have an active interest in becoming what is physically healthy. You couldn't pay me millions to convince me that, say, a 300 lb. person is healthy. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I think my first *real* crush was this guy Sebastian my freshman year of high school. I thought he was very sweet, funny, caring, and attractiveness was a bonus. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Sashimi, caviar, raw eggs... Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Bindi Irwin, for one. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean I've had hickeys before if that's what you're asking. Ever gave one? Oh, I guess you were. Yeah. Do you think its weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? Not at all. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, I'd rather have one myself because I'm well aware I personally need that special connection. Stepkids count, too, because they'd be my partner's and therefore very important for me too. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? Probably TMI, so here's your fair warning, but I've been asked before if I "touch" myself and I was absolutely repulsed that someone would ask me that. Were you abused by your parents? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Up to finishing high school, modestly, I was. Where did you meet your first crush? Art class my freshman year of high school. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece Aubree. She's such a wonderful girl. Does your best friend have kids? No. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? Um, maybe my older sister's house? Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Yes, including my mother. Twice. Are you allergic to any medications? None that I've tried. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not? No; I wouldn't intervene with their own spiritual (or lack thereof) journey. They'd learn what they'd learn and decide themselves what they believe. Do you like reading self-help books? No, I just can't get invested in those. What is your opinion on sex change? If you're unhappy with your body, you're more than free to surgically change that with no judgment from me. Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they? Yes, to lose weight. Can you get a strike at bowling? I have before. There was one occasion where my first go was a strike RIGHT after saying I sucked at bowling, hahaha. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Well, I photograph roadkill, and that's one hell of a sad moment. I actually wouldn't mind broadening my horizons of photographing negative moments (with permission of course), because I actually find these very impactful and even builds empathy. I will never, ever forget this one picture I saw sometime of an emaciated boy huddled in the dirt with a vulture close by watching him... like fuck, it made me want to sob. No one should ever have to live like that, especially a child. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. I know that sounds contradictory to what I just said, I just wouldn't be able to do it myself. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Once, when my last niece was born. I'm terrified of holding them because they're just so fragile. Do you know anyone who has twins? My friend just had triplets. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. Are you thriving in your life right now? BOY HOWDY- Do you remember to water plants? I don't keep plants. Name three YouTubers you aspire to be like. 1.) Markiplier in a vast plethora of ways; 2.) Jeffree Star for his incredible work ethic; and 3.) Shane Dawson for his incredible compassion. Yes. I know the controversy, but regardless, he cares a lot about people. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know, given I haven't read the books or seen the movies. Do you watch PewDiePie? Not anymore; his content doesn't interest me anymore. I watched him religiously back in the day when he was a serious let's player, though. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, not personally. I like watching LPs of it and I find the story fascinating, but it's not the kind of game I'd enjoy playing. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. I don't think I ever beat it, except maybe once. Are you wearing socks right now? No; unless I'm wearing closed-toe shoes like sneakers, I never do. I hate the feeling of them. Can you twerk? Haven't tried, don't wanna. Do you like dabbing? No, it looks stupid. Do you like fishing? I honestly do think it's fun with all the anticipation and thrill of seeing how big the fish is, however I don't support it anymore unless, like hunting, you genuinely need it for food. The only case where I'd go again was if my dad asked me, because that's always been our bonding experience. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes. Have you heard of Blizzard Entertainment? Well, they're the company behind World of Warcraft, so obviously. Do you like bananas? Yes, but only for a VERY short window of time. I am beyond picky with the ripeness of bananas. Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine and technology. Do you know your phone number? I actually don't. Do you swear in front of children? No.

[tokumusume]

tokumusume’s list of best and worst movies and dramas watched in 2019:

There’s a new category this year. Inspired by kpopalypse, welcome the Honorable Mentions! Movies that weren’t exactly bad but also weren’t good. Movies and dramas are qualified to enter if I watched them for the first time this year, not that they were released this year. Click on ‘keep reading’~~

Best Movies:

1.      Parasite

Another masterpiece from the director of Snowpiercer (let’s pretend Okja never existed). A poor family con their way to a rich household. Choi Woo-Shik from The Witch (see below) is the eldest son and mastermind, fabulous as always. Definitely the best movie of this year. For me, movie of the decade.

2.      The Witch Part 1 The Subversion

This movie is amazing, hard to describe without spoilers. A perfect mix of Stranger Things and Hanna. Choi Woo-Shik can come to my house and kick my ass anytime. I can’t wait for part two.

3.      Death Trance

Visually stunning, kinda like Amemiya Keita’s style in early Garo or Mad Max. I wish the movie was longer and the characters were better fleshed out, Ryuen the monk and the little girl had so much potential... The most interesting thing about this movie is how sexualized the main male character is compared to the female ones, and apparently, the swords were designed to look like veiny penises (can’t find a source for this info), and yes, they do look like veiny penises. The final showdown is heavy with sexual energy. Have I already said that Ryuen deserved better? #RyuenRights

4.      Gintama 2: Rules are made to be broken

The barber shop scene is a fucking cinematic masterpiece. I never laughed so much like I did with this movie. The way it doesn’t take itself seriously, the meta jokes, everything is perfect. Even better than the first one.

5.      Kingdom

While I think that some fight scenes were way too long (like the bamboo forest one), the dynamics between Shin and Hyou/Eisei were highly entertaining, at least in my shipper eyes. I like that (SPOILER) the King of the Mountain People is a woman and not once they try to call her Queen. She is a King. Hashimoto Kanna is adorable as a Ten, Kanata Hongo does a great job as Eisei’s psycho brother, Sakaguchi Tak waves his sword around, the usual stuff but with added layers of dirt and sweat.

6.      Bravestorm

A movie I lovingly call “Japanese Pacific Rim”. Full of Kamen Rider stars (Hino Eiji! Misuzawa Haruka! That girl from Heisei Generations, the one with a sword! She has a sword in this as well!) and giant robots (god, I love giant robots!), I waited so much for this movie and it exceeded my expectations. I just wish I could’ve watched in theaters, it had a limited showing in my country.

7.      Twelve Suicidal Children

What begins as a murder mystery ends with a twist you won’t see coming. All of the actors are amazing, but special mention to Sugisaki Hana and that guy from that one boy group I forgot the name but can’t be bothered to Google.

8.      Gakkou Gurashi

Four girls and their teacher try to survive the zombie apocalypse trapped inside the school. This one destroyed me for days.

9.      Forest of Love

I’ve watched some Sono Sion movies but nothing prepared me for this. Be aware of extremely gory sequences and sensitive topics. Hinami Kyoko is so amazing as blue-haired, punk girl crush Taeko that I totally didn’t notice she was AkibaBlue in Akibaranger.

10.  The Host

After watching Parasite I decided to go on a Bong Joon Ho binge and watched this horror movie. Not as good as Snowpiercer and Parasite in my opinion but heart-wrenching nevertheless. The little girl is the star of the movie.

11.  The Hungry Lion

A story about the dangers of social media and slut-shaming. I want to punch Mizuishi Atom in the face.

12.  Cromartie High

A little absurd comedy about yakuza-style high school boys (played by middle-aged men lol) forming a club to battle aliens summoned by themselves just because. It made me laugh like a child. A hidden gem.

Honorable Mentions:

1.      River’s Edge

Depressing as fuck. Warning: the cats die. It’s not graphic but it’s traumatizing. Yoshizawa Ryo is a gay boy who sleeps with old men for money. There’s a graphic sex scene (not Yoshizawa, sadly) where my only thought was “That thing is gonna get stuck in there! Use a condom!” Can’t remember much from it except for these three scenes.

2.      The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Yamazaki Kento has the acting chops of a dead fish but it comes handy for playing a teen with psychic abilities and zero social skills. Hashimoto Kanna is one of the prettiest girls in Japan. Yoshizawa Ryo with white and blueish hair looks more like Sakata Gintoki than Oguri Shun in the Gintama live action. The end is a huge let down but the fun ride is worth it.

3.      Ano ko no, Toriko

Congratulations to Yoshizawa Ryo, he has FIVE movies in my list of favorite movies this year! This is to make up for crowning GIVER as the biggest waste of time of 2018, this list is totally not biased, lol. “Ano ko” could be just another romance movie but the (very) little insight into how the entertainment industry works and not focusing on school life made me love it. Poor Sugino Yosuke being left behind again, when will this boy get the main girl?

4.      Monstrum

It doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it’s pleasant enough to fill a rainy afternoon with a lot of blood and spilled guts. Hyeri of Girl’s Day is the heroine and Choi Woo Shik is the commander she falls in love with.

5.      Weirdo Go

I confess I watched this one just to see Ji Li (aka my snake son Nie Huaisang) dressed as a woman but it was enjoyable and not that problematic.

6.      Real - Kanzen Naru Kubinagaryu no Hi

Directed by the same guy that did “Creepy” and “Before we vanish”, there are lots of twists you won’t see coming. And a dinosaur. A fucking dinosaur.

7.      Tomodachi Game: The Final

The movie loses its focus halfway through then picks up again minutes before ending. Yoshizawa Ryo delivers again as the sadistic Yuuichi, much like his role in Gintama. The plot twists are the star of the movie.

8.     The Living Dead

Sorry Wen Ning. I saw the plot twist coming in the first 30 minutes of the movie, not very smart of the writer. His personality did a 180° turn for worse and I’ll demote the movie to an honorable mention for it. Gao Han is cute though, I would like to see him as a better character.

9.      Backstreet Girls

Some recycled scenes from the drama to situate the viewers, a completely new story for the movie, it is certainly funny and enjoyable, if you can get past the forced gender reassignment surgery background and transphobic jokes (you shouldn’t get past it btw). I like the soundtrack.

Best Dramas:

1.      The Untamed

Do I need to say more?

2.      The Tale of Nokdu

This Korean romance had everything to be a mess but it wasn’t!!! *claps* I don’t hate the main female character and the whole palace politics actually kept me interested until the end. The complete shift of atmosphere mid-season was strange at first but ultimately very welcomed.

3.      The Naked Director

Netflix original Japanese content is amazing. This one is a look at the life of a legendary porn director in the late 80s, I learned a lot about the history of Japanese porn and censorship (yay pixels!) and went looking for his, erm, works. Very graphic, 69/10 don’t recommend watching with people in the house.

4.      Channel wa Sonomama!

I don’t remember it well but it’s about a news station and what is like to be a journalist and it was very interesting and funny.

5.      SCAMS

Forgettable. Sugino Yosuke with black hair cons old people via phone calls.

Worst Movies and Dramas:

1.      The cat in their arms

The cats spend 90% of the movie in human forms, and halfway through it they simply abandon the cats’ plot to show a fucking long montage of a weird guy painting a picture of a nude girl. It’s also super creepy to see a grown-up man acting like a cat, getting belly rubs and eating cat food from a bowl. Yoshizawa needs to choose his roles more wisely.

2.      Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun

A waste of Suda Masaki’s talent. Can Japan stop casting Tsuchiya Tao already?

3.      Samurai Marathon

Almost two hours of dirty men running through a forest. Maybe Japanese History experts will enjoy it, because I certainly didn’t.

4.      Lady Vengeance

While there are legit great moments, I didn’t find this “classic” to be anything special. The animal cruelty was too much for me.

5.      Hot Gimmick

This movie makes Bohemian Rhapsody’s editing look like a work of art. There are more flashing cuts than a T-ARA music video. I have no idea who likes who, who’s banging who, what even are they saying. Too much poetic shit for my like. I wanted to see Shimizu Hiroya naked. I was bamboozled.

6.      The Divine Fury

While some parts were interesting, at the end I still don’t know if the protagonist is possessed by a demon (if yes, then why would he help a priest destroy his friends?) or if he was blessed by God when his father died and talked to him (the glowing hand thing, why and how??). The exorcism parts are really, really scary, or maybe I’m just a chicken, but I had to avert my eyes. The best (only) part is that the protagonists are hot. Hello Woo Do-Hwan, you can sacrifice me to Satan any time…

[faimalogirl]

Testing the waters... or floating in it

Dating apps... not really my thing but with the past year being life altering in addition to a pandemic, i thought, why not? lol Seriously, that’s what my answer was to many people.

I have never been a fan of online dating, or swiping right OR left on people, or blind dates but many of my friends and some family members are concerned about my love life... or lack of. But because life has thrown me curve ball after curve ball, I decided that I am going to give it a shot.

I want to be clear, I am perfectly content with being single, and feel that when it happens it happens. But for some reason other people are not, as if them being in relationships makes me feel incomplete. Couldn’t be any more true. I feel like that person in the movie, who is loving their life or at least liking it, and everyone including the dying grandma keeps trying to match her with anyone of the opposite sex, and because it’s been a while they sometimes offer to hook her up with someone of the same sex. And not that I’m offended by it but I am completely strictly dickly lol. 

I have my reservations about dating apps because honestly, it’s weird. It’s scary. It’s risky due to Corona virus... and did I mention I have cancer? No? Well I do. 

I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer last October, and after completing my round with radiation, I am now getting ready to have a FULL HYSTERECTOMY to remove the remaining tumor. For some reason in my mind, I feel like part of my womanhood is being taken away, so while I still have it, I figured i’d “test the water.” 

Now, I know I don’t have to tell people that I have cancer but there are other things that worry me about dating. To put it kindly, people are freaking weirdos.

I have been on a few dates with different guys, and let me tell you how different things have gotten since my 20s. So for all my respectable and intelligent women/men out there wanting to try dating here are a few suggestions:

1. Doesn’t need to be said but apparently for me it does... MEET SOMEONE IN PUBLIC lol 

My first date with BOY1, he offered to take me on the lake, just him and I on his little motorboat. Now as romantic and “Notebook” worthy as this sounds, I was excited. I was ready. We’ve been texting back and forth for a little over a week. But the days following up to our date got me thinking... What if I don’t like him? What if he’s crazy? And I’ll be stuck on a boat with JUST HIM, in the middle of the lake, until it’s over. So please, meet in public and not in the middle of the lake.

2. Anyone who asks you to send “sexy pics” is just asking for a quick hit it and quit it. NOT that I did it. But I was alarmed by how many d*ck pics were sent to me without request, or want (If you are into that, more power to you but that’s not something I want to see) LOL 

I was texting back and forth with BOY2 who thought I’d be impressed by his “romance” through the phone. Kept asking me to send him photos every day. I didn’t mind, sending him a photo here and there of me going out, playing with my dog, or just random. I think I literally sent him three. But once the “sexy pics” requests got to be more, I told him I needed to at least know him and go on a couple of dates before any of that happened. And guess what, we went on a date, and for the most part it was fine. Then, when the insinuation that we were going to “hook up” back at his place didn’t happen for him, he became needy and kept asking “what went wrong?” or “are you mad at me?” or “why am I leading him on?” I told him I’m not that girl and he said okay. So, I ghosted him after he asked for another sexy pic, I sent him a gif of a hippo lol and left it at that.

3. Be okay with saying no. Whether it be to a date, a picture, an exchange of phone numbers or social media, it’s not your job to make someone happy when you are not comfortable. 

I didn’t realize it until it happened, but when BOY3 suggested that I come lay with him after one “hello” I quickly let him know I wasn’t that easy lol. He got defensive and was just like “I just think your beautiful and I just say what I want.” Of course he used a few colorful words to get his point across. And I told him he can take his words elsewhere. Although I feel like a prune lol I also feel like woman are made to feel like we need to coddle boys who don’t know how to talk to women with respect. I mean, could you at least say “Hey how are you?”  Now some people told me that’s just how people talk to each other, and I said, “well I guess I’ll be single forever.” And I don’t mind. I am not going to lower my standards, or compromise my comfort for someones lack of respect. If that’s how you want to talk, then find someone willing to put up with it. It ain’t this girl.

4. Never, and I mean NEVER stress about how you look for your profile picture. Don’t put too much stock into your filtered photos. Honestly, I put full body photos up, even though a lot of my friends said they would never do that. I put some pictures that had sc filters with the ears, or regular photos up. I put a little bit of me up.

I am a very confident woman who understands her flaws. With all my plus size happiness and glamour, I knew I was just having fun. Plus if he don’t like you sweetie, you don’t need to worry about him. Because you’ll never meet him lol. Now, with that said, sure I have my moments where I feel crappy. But I just feel if you aren’t happy with who you are, you won’t be secure in a relationship. And since I was just “testing the waters” I didn’t really care of which photos were there to be judged. Or so I thought...

BOY4 was kind and sweet. He was also a very handsome man who apparently loved big girls (his words not mine) he made me feel very comfortable. He’s 6′6, and we all know your girl is a sucker for a tall man. He was also fit in a sense that you could tell he worked out but not so much that he was ripped. I had my reservations about meeting him, because I thought I was being cat-fished lol until we exchanged numbers and sent snaps to each other before actually going on a date. We have gone on a few lunch and dinner dates here and there, still talk to each other, but I am slowly pulling away because of the last advice.

5. Know what you want and respect what others want. And always be honest about your intentions...

After talking back and forth with BOY4 and sharing things. You quickly get to know someone. Although I would never force myself or my views on someone, I expect the same respect. BOY4 started to share a little about what he wants for his future. You know, the whole finding someone to marry, travel with, and have kids...

I can’t have kids. Remember the whole living with cancer and getting ready to have a hysterectomy? For those of you who don’t know what that means, it just means, as a woman, my surgeon will be taking away my baby making machine. Now, I’ve accepted my future and I know that that’s not the only way to have a child. But I also know that these types of conversations are hard for some people to grasp. I would love to one day meet someone, get married, carry a child, but that’s just not the hand that was dealt to me. That’s also not something that I can hide from someone and trick them into understanding after they’ve developed feelings for me. So I was honest with everything... at least surface base. But we’ll see what happens from here on out...

Also, just to let you know, I’ve deleted the dating apps. It’s not for me. I know many people who’ve married people they’ve met on dating apps/sites but I just don’t think it’s something for me. Also, if I have another friend who keeps setting me up on blind dates, I am going to have to think of getting new friends lol

[aurtisticmind]

OK, So I’ve been spending all together too much time on social media (TikTok, Instagram, and Tumblr specifically).  I’m starting to feel like I’m severely lacking in talent.  I am pristinely ungifted (that’s a reference).

There are so many amazing content creators out there.  Cosplayers, make-up artists, drag queens/kings, dancers, people who can draw or paint amazing things, people who share funny or heartwarming stories, folks that tell jokes, people sharing knowledge, people who can cook or share helpful tips, skilled crafts-people who are glassblowers or blacksmiths...

It leaves me feeling vastly underqualified for social media in general.  I can’t help but worry that maybe I don’t have anything to share.  I mean, let’s be honest here... I’m struggling.  I have no social outlet - I am terrified of anyone acknowledging me, but at the same time, I would be beyond thrilled if someone reached out and chatted with me.  It’s a weird line... I don’t like in-person interaction (I screw it up every time - thank you Asperger’s), and I’m afraid to make new friends because sometimes I have health issues that keep me down for weeks or months at a time.  It’s hard to maintain any social life.

I don’t know the first thing about make up.  I fail as a girl on this level - I’ve always lived by the mantra “If you don’t like the way I look, then look somewhere else, because I’m not changing for you.” - and yeah, I’m well aware that I’m an overweight 30-something woman... Five high risk pregnancies, decades of misdiagnosed and untreated mental health issues, and the chronic pain thing that can leave me barely able to get out of bed for months on end have left my body... not in the beautiful androgynous muscled form it once was...  I’m suffering from body image issues for the first time in my life, and it’s brutal.  I don’t want to put my ugly face or fat body in front of a camera.  With no make-up skills, I don’t even have a way to attempt to salvage the mess that is my face.

I do not have a deep enough passion for any one specific character to cosplay (to the level I think it should be done).  And again with the make up and body image thing... though I am currently trying to re-invent myself.  Dear daughter has suggested I start with Hange (Hanji) from Attack on Titan - since we have similar personalities and I have brown hair already, so no need for a wig...  Maybe.

I used to be androgynous and I loved it.  LOVED it.  I loved the looks I’d get - all androgynous people know “the look” - where someone stares from your face to your chest, sometimes at your crotch and get that squinty confused look as they try to decide what pronouns to use with you.  I loved that.  I loved it when people thought I was a guy and treated me as “one of the guys” in my friend groups.  Unfortunately, five pregnancies, nursing five babies, and years of mental and physical health issues have left me... definitely not androgynous anymore.  I’m stuck in “fat old mom” look now... (send help).

I sketch, but it usually looks like something a third-grader could come up with.  I’ve tried painting - which I love, but it’s always abstract and honestly, anyone can do it... I have no talent.

I can cook, but it’s more likely that I’m throwing together what I have in the cupboard and I hope it turns out... I have a big family to feed and we rarely eat out (too expensive).  I don’t measure anything, and I never know if it will turn out or not.  Or I’m just modifying a known recipe... like adding some home grown blueberries to pancake batter, or swapping a couple spices to our taste, or changing the protein source.  Nothing worth social media posting.  I am not a gifted chef, nor do I use rare, expensive, or especially tasty ingredients, and my flavors are palatable at best.  At least I rarely burn things, right?

Sure, I make things sometimes... but I am far from skilled.  I can make rudimentary jewelry, cat toys, and the occasional very very basic sewing project.  I can crochet, but I can’t read a pattern, so what I make is always made up... I’ve made pot holders, dish cloths, purses and bags for each of the kids, scarves, hats, even blankets... but I have no way to show someone how I did them, and who wants to watch social media videos of someone crocheting?

I have lots of stories and stuff, but it seems that’s usually best delivered with your face on camera.

My body is not built for dancing... and my singing is probably best left to belting out a favorite song in the car or at home when nobody else is around.

I like to think outside the box, but honestly, I don’t even know now.  I feel like I have no usable skills to be on social media, so I spend my time posting photos of my animals instead.  I mean, they’re a lot cuter than I am anyway.  I am severely lacking in self-confidence.

If you’re still with me - thank you for reading through all of this.  My question to you - Do you have any talents that aren’t really “in demand” for social media?  I can’t be the only one who’s failing at virtually everything, right?  Can someone please send me tips or pointers on how to break out of my shell?  I’m right there, but I can’t seem to take that giant step of pulling off the mask and opening myself up to the hate comments...I need a push to get out of my comfort zone.

[bittysvalentines]

Blue Suits and Wedding Cake

From: @effyeahzimbits 

To: @karin848

Rating: T+

Pairings: Zimbits

Warnings: Jack is ill ☹ and one cuss word

Summary: Fevers can make you say silly things. Or give you the guts to ask something that’s been on your mind for a while.

Bitty absent-mindedly scratched the dog’s belly with one hand, his other scrolling through the Falcs’ Twitter feed. Even after he’d finished work for the day he liked to read through posts and replies and keep up to date. Jack teased him for it, but it just showed how much Bitty loved his job. Walking into an internship with the Falconers’ social media department straight out of college was a dream come true.

     Maddie rolled over and demanded more of his attention, nudging his hand incessantly with her nose until he gave up on Twitter altogether. He snickered and tossed his phone aside in favour of scratching both her ears, laughing as she practically melted against him. He paused the fussing only to snap a quick picture and send it to Kent, who promptly responded with five heart eyes emojis. The group chat they shared with Kent and his partner was mostly filled with photos of Kent’s cat and their dog.

     “We should take you out before daddy comes home, huh?” Bitty asked the golden retriever, now scratching underneath her chin. Her tongue lolled out comically, so he took that as a yes.

     The streets were quiet at this time of night, and the walk was short and sweet. Old anxieties died hard, and Bitty wasn’t comfortable lingering outside, even with a huge dog by his side. He walked to the small park at the end of their block, let Maddie do her business and then headed back home. Longer walks happened on his lunchtimes or days off, and the best ones were when he and Jack shared a rare day together. They’d pack up a picnic and drive out a bit until they found a strip of countryside and walk for hours, Maddie bolting ahead chasing birds and her own tail.

       They were home fifteen minutes later. Bitty hung Maddie’s leash up on the coat rack and noticed Jack’s game bag had been dumped by the shoe rack. He followed the trail of clothes, picking them up as he went, to their bedroom. Maddie beat him to it, and he found her shoving her nose into Jack’s waist as he attempted to undress. Bitty smiled fondly and kissed Jack’s cheek on his way to the laundry basket.

     “Good game, sweetpea.”

     “Thanks,” Jack yawned, obediently fussing the dog until she allowed him to take off his suit pants. “Did you watch?” He asked, though he already knew the answer.

     “I always watch,” Bitty replied with a lopsided grin, hanging up Jack’s jacket. “I thought you were going out for a drink afterwards?”

     “Didn’t feel like it. I’m tired,” Jack shrugged.

     It wasn’t often Jack went out with his teammates after a game, but he made an effort to do so at least once a week and would only miss a night if he was really feeling under the weather. Wearing only his underwear now, he crawled into bed with a contented sigh and pulled the sheets up to his chin. Bitty couldn’t resist coming over to inspect him like he did after most games, usually finding bruises and scrapes. He did look exhausted, so Bitty leaned down to kiss his forehead tenderly.

     “I’ll lock up and we’ll get an early night,” he promised, brushing his hair out of his eyes for him.

     “Sounds good,” Jack yawned again, smiling sleepily.

     Bitty finished their usual nightly routine by himself, turning off lights and making sure all windows and doors were safely locked. He returned to the bedroom a short while later to find Jack already asleep and snoring softly. Bitty stopped and watched him for a moment, thinking that he did look a bit peaky. Hoping it was just something a good night’s sleep would help, he stripped himself and tiptoed to bed. He scrolled through his phone for another half an hour or so before becoming drowsy enough to lie down and sleep. He curled himself around Jack’s chest and soon drifted off.

     He awoke to an empty bed and the ensuite bathroom light glaring in his face. He heard the toilet flushing and squinted at his phone screen for the time. After determining that it was the very early hours, he laid back down, waiting for Jack to come back to bed. When he didn’t right away, Bitty frowned and sat up, trying to peer into the bathroom.

     “Jack?” He called sleepily, rubbing his face. “Everything okay, honey?”

     He received a muffled groan in reply, which only concerned him further. He threw back the sheets and got up to check, carefully stepping over the dog on his way to the bathroom. Jack was slumped beside the toilet, his forehead resting on the cool porcelain. He looked exhausted and miserable, having obviously just thrown up.

     “Oh dear, sugar,” Bitty smiled sympathetically, crouching beside him.

     “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Jack mumbled, throat scratchy.

     “Don’t be silly. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling sick?” Bitty half scolded him, gently pressing the back of his palm to his clammy forehead.

     “Thought I was just tired. Didn’t feel that bad,” Jack replied, sounding like every word was wearing him out.

    Bitty tsked but didn’t tell him off, instead standing up to fetch him a glass of water. Jack accepted it with shaking fingers and a slurred thank you and sipped it with a pained expression. His face eased a little when Bitty pressed a wet cloth to his face, gently cleaning him up, and he smiled weakly.

     “Sorry I’m not so hot right now,” he joked, managing to laugh a bit when Bitty snorted at him.

     “About as hot as me when I caught norovirus that time,” Bitty reminded him with a smirk.

     He’d been bedridden for days last winter, moving only to run to the bathroom and barely making it in time. Jack had stayed with him as much as he could, and though he couldn’t do much, Bitty had been glad for his company. He was sorry Jack was feeling so ill, but at least he could return the favour.

    The water didn’t stay down for long, and Jack was soon hugging the toilet bowl again as he vomited. Bitty rubbed his back tenderly through it all, feeling useless. He wasn’t sure if it was a bug or food poisoning, but one thing was certain – Jack was going to need a few days off work. Bitty made a mental note to call HR in the morning and let them know. Luckily, he had a couple of days off himself, though he gave up his previous ideas of romantic picnic walks and catching a movie at the cinema.

     “Come on sweetpea,” Bitty murmured, nudging him after he’d been quiet for a few long minutes. “Let’s get you back into bed.”

     It was hard work, Jack was dead on his feet. He didn’t dare drink any more water, but he rinsed out his mouth and managed to give his face a quick wash. He collapsed back into bed, curling up tightly and burying his face into the cool pillow. Bitty could only help him feel comfortable, pressing kisses to his shoulder and stroking his hair until he fell asleep again.

     Bitty didn’t sleep well himself after that. He got up a few hours later, dragging himself up to get coffee and let Maddie out onto the balcony to pee. Jack slept hard, and Bitty didn’t have the heart to wake him. Once the caffeine helped him feel a bit more alive he grabbed the dog’s leash and his wallet, deciding to jog to the supermarket and kill two birds with one stone. He bought plenty of Gatorade and freeze pops, knowing that was all Jack was going to be able to stomach for a while. He ran back too; the exercise helping to wake his brain and burn off a little of Maddie’s energy until he could take her for a longer walk. She was used to running with Jack in the mornings, and Bitty knew his own jog paled in comparison.

     It was early afternoon when Jack woke up. He was still feverish and pale, and could barely manage any more than a few sips of water. Bitty switched Netflix on for him, but he watched it with listless eyes in between trips to the bathroom to empty his stomach again. When he flopped back into bed, Bitty let him rest his head in his lap so he could play with his hair. Jack pressed his nose to Bitty’s thigh and closed his eyes, silently pleading for his body to get its shit together.

     “I wonder if it was the fish you had at the restaurant yesterday,” Bitty mused, scratching soothingly at his scalp.

     “Probably,” Jack agreed, his throat so sore his voice was no more than a whisper. “Tasted weird.”

     “My poor man,” Bitty simpered, genuinely feeling sorry for him. It sucked being ill and not being able to do anything but wait it out. “I wish I could help.”

     “’S’nice just having you sit with me,” Jack reassured him, opening his eyes to give him a tired smile.

     Bitty returned the gesture, glad he could do that at least. It fell quiet between them then, save for the sounds of whatever documentary was playing. Jack half dozed, lulled by the hand in his hair. Bitty entertained himself with his phone, messaging their friends and updating Kent with pictures and texts. Kent sounded concerned, but Bitty persuaded him no to catch the next flight out. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d jetted to Providence on a whim and probably wouldn’t be the last either.

     It had been quiet for a whole hour and Bitty was sure Jack was asleep, so he was surprised when Jack mumbled something into his leg.

     “What was that, sugar?”

     Jack pulled his face back a bit, though he didn’t bother to open his eyes, only making himself more comfortable on Bitty’s thigh.

     “Marry me?”

     Bitty let out a thin, nervous laugh, his heart suddenly hammering in his chest.

     “Ask me again when you don’t have a fever,” he replied as smoothly as he could manage.

     Jack simply gave a half-committal hum in his throat and settled back to sleep again. Bitty shook his head and resumed stroking his hair, albeit with slightly shaky fingers. Once he’d gotten over his shock, he couldn’t help feeling amused. Jack probably wouldn’t even remember what he’d said once his temperature returned to normal.

     “Wouldn’t it be nice if he did though, huh girl?” Bitty asked Maddie under his breath. She wagged her tail at him.

     Jack gradually got over his food poisoning. It took a week or two for things to return to normal once more, though he was tired for a while after. Bitty didn’t mention his abrupt proposal, not wanting to embarrass either of them. The idea stuck fast in Bitty’s mind though, and he found himself fantasising about blue suits and wedding cake. He assumed Jack had forgotten all about it.

     A few weeks later though, he found that Jack hadn’t forgotten at all.      The End

Happy Valentine’s Day Karin! I hope you enjoyed the fluff. <3 Love, Effyeahzimbits.

[caticornsrreal]

Fighting Dragons with You

After twelve years, I'm finally telling the internet why I love Taylor Swift🖤 

Hello, internet using world. I’d like to introduce myself to the few people who followed me. Hi! My name is Christa and I am a Taylor Swift fan with every fiber of my being. Full disclosure, this is a short novel so now is your chance to make an exit, but I hope you stay.

Taylor and my ridiculously furry cat, Lyle

(affectionately nicknamed “rent-free”), are the only two beings made of flesh and bone who have been consistent in my life for the last 12 years. With a close second being my son, Gauge, who just turned 10. I won’t get into the details (in this post) as to why that is, but let’s just say there were a lot of ups and downs growing up.

The last 12 years have been an evolution for Taylor,

and subsequently, for me. At (dare I say it) 

38 years old, I’ve found that a lot of things happen in a decade. Like, A LOT. Now, I don’t feel 38. I guess I owe that to humor, singing, dancing, sarcasm, and launching a successful career that didn’t exist 15 years ago —something that has made me always push harder to set new goals and stay humble. But one thing I didn’t do over these last 12 years that I deeply regret was starting a fan page for Taylor. I mean, ESPECIALLY since I’m a professional travel blogger who makes her full time living from digital content!

There’s been a lot of momentum over the last 12 years

—demands which left me with little to no free time. But I can’t blame my absence from the Swiftie family entirely on that. In fact, I’d have to say, I blame much of it on fear.

Fear,

of being misunderstood, fear of judgment or writing something lame. I’ve had over 2,000 articles published online and in print as well as countless social posts, but the thought of Taylor seeing something I wrote and thinking it’s totally weird (or cough, too long for the internet), well let’s just say I’d be less afraid of walking into a burning building.

Fear,

of being called a fake because the financial demands as a single mom left me little money to spend on myself or Taylor merchandise, much less tickets to a show. I’ve always placed my son’s needs before mine.

Fear,

that I was too old to be a Taylor Swift fan. I mean, I was 26 when she hit the music scene and she was what, 16? I’ve been afraid. Afraid I would be rejected by other Swifties who really are the only people who understand this love we have for her  —which is basically like being rejected by your own people. Also, it’s super weird to be following teens/young adults on social, much less engaging with them.

Fear.

Along with my fear, a perfect storm of entrepreneurial demands, single motherhood, failed relationships (one of which was a marriage), and family matters have served as a constant reminder that my dream of ever meeting Taylor takes residence on another planet. An actual trip to Mars seemed more attainable. 

I feel like there is a whole demographic of women, “Swiftie Moms” who echo my story,

having watched Taylor grow into the strong beautiful woman she's become. Women my age who love her from behind the wheel of their SUV, on the way to drop their kids off to school, on the way back from a milk run, in the dark hours of the mornings when they’re dancing in the kitchen with a full on hair bun singing into a coffee spoon. Unnoticed fans who haven’t had the time to dive head first into the Swiftie Universe. But here I am. After all the fear and all the years...

So, why?

This is a hard one to answer. I guess you can say that after many years of challenges, judgment from others, and doing the complete opposite of what logic and reason said I should  —divorce, single motherhood, a second degree in my late twenties... risking it all to start a blog (which by the way in 2013 wasn’t even considered a side job much less a career), I kind of got to a point where I became

fearless.

I had to be. I had this tiny living, breathing human being who was counting on me at the very least, to give him a life a notch above the shit show I had growing up. Not to mention parenting —which is basically wandless wizardry pulled directly from the asses of parents. It demands that your mini human grows up to be a better human than you.

Yeah, unpack that.

Take all your collective shit, figure it out, and then teach your mini to do it better —to BE better than you at love, kindness, respect for others (especially boys respecting girls), integrity, money, and to be fearless. All while giving them the comfort of knowing that you, mom, have it all figured out... even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Top that with the pressures of working in the public eye

—which, while on a microscopic level compared to a full-on celebrity such as Taylor, is still very much a juggling act with none of the entourage to lighten the workload. Add to it the demands of working with national brands, and the unwavering ability for other bloggers to tear you down at any opportunity, or even worse, try to get close to you so they can raid your success like a Black Friday sale.

I found myself at the peak of my blogging career

but I was consumed by fear, AGAIN! Fear of shady AF bloggers and publicists, and so much to lose. And fear that now, thousands of people would have an opinion of me formed by jealous bloggers, and they didn’t even know who I really was. 

That’s when letting go of toxic people in my life became essential

—when, no matter who they were, or how I was tied to them, I had to realize that surrounding myself with the ones who lifted me took precedence over the ones who dragged me down. 

After all that..... I learned to give zero f***s about what people thought, or what they said behind my back. 

And I had to start caring about what made my heart happy, what made my family and friends smile, and what inspired me to do better. BE BETTER. Be the example of fearless, with the hope that I was lucky enough to stay that way. But I'm a vulnerable human made of heart and soul and sometimes people can still take the best from me.

I had to be fearless.

In August of 2017 when "Look What You Made Me Do” blessed my ears for the first time, I felt it pierce my skin and course through my veins. And to the very bones of this young 38-year-old Swiftie mom, I was shook AF! I sang, I danced and I drowned out the haters in the blogging world. She had a very clear message,

She had zero f***s to give, Taylor broke the internet.

After watching the seemingly endless myriad of shade thrown at Taylor over the years, my heart erupted with happiness as her flawless first single from Reputation revealed one BADASS BITCH. And with every music video release of her new era, she became a mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers. Like, I legit think she’s an actual unicorn. After all, she does ride a caticorn named Olivia.

She got harder, she got smarter in the nick of time

One single post on my Facebook page praising her new era and new single she brought with it attracted a slew of hate speech, white people bashing, claims of Taylor ripping off Beyonce... I couldn’t believe the things I was reading from fellow bloggers. I even had a GLOBAL BRAND threaten my business relationship in their ambassador program because I stood up for Taylor and spoke out about the hate speech which was placed on my own personal Facebook page. But I stood by my words.

Fearless.

Over the following months into early 2018, and to the tune of, “This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things”, I, along with a slew of about 20 other bloggers, ended up taking down said global brand’s publicist who was using his budget and power to demean and sexually harass female bloggers (which would later reveal that blacklisting me was more about not buying into that bullshit rather than my voice on hate speech).

Zero f***s given to those haters.

Mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers level officially achieved for Taylor, and even for me. Although I wouldn’t call myself a Goddess. That's all Tay. 🖤

She found love through the noise

And so did I. In November of 2017, I had approached the year anniversary of the greatest love I'd ever known. My last stop. And as the tracks played on, my heart was full. We both found happiness through a seemingly endless sea of anguish.

Taylor is truly doing better than she ever was, and so am I.

Her resilience up against the media and the demands of the industry are perfectly fearless. And her decision to keep her beautifully growing relationship with Joe private is wise. I’ve spent the last year at home, which has been incredible. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what’s most important to me, what has shaped me into the mom, partner and entrepreneur that I am, and it all comes back to Taylor. That’s why it’s time for me to be fearless again and officially join the Swiftie universe.

I’ve spent 12 years fighting dragons with Taylor

and growing a canyon of respect and adoration for her charm, wit, business savvy, musical talent, feminism, compassion, tenacity, love for animals, and of course her lovely, lovely, words. I’ve raised my son from birth with her. There isn't a single day that is spent where Taylor doesn't exist in our lives. For 12 years straight.

That’s a long time to love someone who has no idea you exist.

I play her music videos and YouTube uploads just so I can feel like she’s with us. And so my son knows that she’s one of the finest examples of a human being in his lifetime. I use Taylor’s kindness to teach my son how to be considerate and give back to others while sharing her fearless story with him so she can be a positive role model in his life. Taylor has essentially been part of our family all along. 

My son Gauge has a running joke that Taylor is the only person that can make me cry

(which happens more than I'm willing to admit). And it’s not because I’m weak, or on the verge of a mental breakdown (although I challenge you to try parenting, you might argue that), it’s because I truly love her like a best friend. When I see her happy it makes me happy, when I feel her sadness, it makes me sad. It’s visceral.

I don't believe the human connection is meant to be one-sided.

I feel in my heart, as weird as this may sound, that we will meet Taylor one day, even against all odds. Existing in the same lifetime as Taylor without at least trying to meet her doesn't feel right. I won't look at my son and teach him to let fear and doubt win, or that defying the odds is an impossible task.

Over the years I’ve been a spectator to her outreach to fans. She’s invited them to sessions in her homes, sent them gifts, invited them backstage, surprised them in their homes, made hospital visits, and Lord knows what else she has up her sleeve. And it’s all been done with pure excitement and love for her Swifties. With each outreach she extends, tears of joy are shed for fellow Swifties, and a ray of hope inspires me.

So, I’m starting a personal blog

which tells a very personal story of all the dragons I’ve fought with Taylor over the years. From living in a car at 15 years old to getting invited to LA premieres for Walt Disney and Marvel films. And I'll have no apologies for the truths that will be told (but will change names for privacy). It will be very personal and some of it won’t be pretty. Because life isn’t always pretty.

Taylor is releasing another album this year... we hope,

and she’ll be on yet another tour in 2020. After 12 years I’m finally ready for it. I’ve given my son everything he could possibly want or need. I’ve bought him a beautiful home in Northern Georgia. He’s been able to travel the world and do things most adults haven’t even done. And I owe much of that to Taylor for giving me the strength to take major risks, the courage to face my demons, the balls to cut people out of my life who were toxic and the self-confidence to defy the odds and do things my way.

2019 is our year to show @taylorswift how much we love her.

I’ll let the universe do the rest. Till then, I’ll be fighting dragons with her as I always have and writing my journal for her and anyone else who wants to read the memoirs of an OG Swiftie mom who keeps it real AF, full-on hair bun and all.

[bethsblog-languageandnewmed-blog]

My Online Communities

It’s no secret that although Facebook is the most popular social networking site with over 2.3 billion active users, and was once the must have social media site, it has kind of become synonymous with middle-aged women over-sharing, re-runs of the same old Tasty videos, and pretty much just ad-central. Though one of the longest standing social networks and clearly the front runner when it comes to longevity and popularity, the site is full of affordances and constraints, with the majority of them, constraints as many argue that Facebook is pretty outdated - but I’m here to argue the opposite. I have more recently become aware of some of the innovative ways people have adapted Facebook’s widespread “popularity” - as let’s face it, it’s hard to find anyone under the age of 50 that doesn’t have their own Facebook account. And though young people may argue that this is a huge constraint (because who wants their nosey Auntie spying on their every move?) the fact that people of all ages, from all walks of life is actually, when it comes to online communities, is a huge affordance.  

Facebook is being adapted in really innovative ways to keep up with the times and provide us with communicative tools to achieve things that were never before possible. Pretty deep? Yes. True? Absolutely. 

If you think I’m being a bit vague - I’m talking about online communities. Boyd and Ellison (2008) stated that social networking sites are “web based service[s] that allows individuals to... articulate a list of other users with whom they share a connection, and view and traverse their list of connections and those made by others within the system.” As soon as I read this I was reminded that I myself, am a member of three specific “online communities” in particular, each with their own very different purposes.

These groups and the media they share are rich in content, with the ability to react to posts, use polls and of course emojis, restricting the constraint of context and allow users to communicate how they are feeling with almost no ambiguity: this in itself has affordances and constraints - because I don’t think many people would be too pleased with a “sad” or “angry” react on a personal post, or a “haha” react on a sad story - so this can bring problems, but these are in the small minority. These little “reacts” are a great tool to eliminate the constraint of contextualisation and are used in my online communities consistently. 

GIRLSMOUTH

Now girls, if you haven’t heard of this one, let me tell you, you’re missing out on some top quality entertainment. In a nutshell, Girlsmouth is a private Facebook group that is strictly girls only. At the time of writing this, the group has 171,146 members, consisting of four admins and six moderators, who monitor the comments of posts they have approved to ensure that there is no selling, promotion, or horrible comments being made. The “founder” of the group, Chloe Todd, describes the group as;

“an empowering support group for women to bring females together rather than bash each other. #girlpower 💁🏼”

The purpose of the group is for members to post for advice, gain support and build relationships with one another. All women are welcome which means that the posts come from women all over the globe, wealthy or struggling, young and old. An example of a post made today is below, within an hour already 28 people have commented offering advice, regardless of the transaction costs of the “conversation” and of over 170,000 people having the ability to see and judge them on their advice and experiences: 

On the whole, the group is very supportive and many members have actually built real life friendships as a result of coming in contact on the site. It is not uncommon for women to post their struggles - whether that be regarding their health, relationship  or financial struggles, and many will come to their aid, offering support and even in some examples, a place to stay, money to tide them over and offerings of friendship to people at their lowest points. 

After being on the group for a while, you start to recognise names and faces and become familiar with people’s stories and struggles and even become a bit invested in some of the stories - a particular stand-out story to me is a girl that has been in hospital for over 13 months now, who has been sharing her story and the challenges shes faced.

Not all the stories are inspirational and moving, and to be honest, this is what I love most about this online community. When trying to find examples of posts to add it took me over thirty minutes to find at least five acceptable ones for an academic blog: I’m talking posts that didn’t mention polls on sexual encounters, disgusting flat mates and family meltdowns and every swear word in the book. As well as these, random questions about people’s favourite foods and make-up are regular features, but that’s all part of life too and really reiterates the idea that people come to Girlsmouth looking to connect and relate to others. I can guarantee now matter how wild or weird your story or post, there will be a group of women on Girlsmouth ready to relate to you. And that’s what makes Girlsmouth so great at what it does - and a huge source of entertainment.

In summary, Girlsmouth is pretty much the best procrastination there is. But aside from that, it reminds us that whilst social media may be full of unattainable goals - whether this be in our appearance, holidays, relationships of financial situations, at the end of the day, we are all just human, and we could all do with a bit of advice and support sometimes - even if it is just about which Diet Coke tastes best (which is obviously full fat instead...)

READING WOMEN WALKING HOME

The second online community I am part of is a pretty new development, and if you live in Reading (which considering this is a university blog, is all of you) you need to join this group. With 2538 members, including University of Reading security team member Steve, this group was created with the purpose of warning other women about the strange and worrying behaviour of members of the public to ensure we can all stay safe. Unfortunately, there are multiple new posts daily, with women experiencing harassment, break-ins and burglaries on a daily basis. 

Some may argue that this group does nothing but scaremonger, possibly stating that ignorance is bliss, as they say - but I couldn’t disagree more. As women it is our duty to stand together in the face of such adversities, and in a world where we are at risk simply from walking home from a lecture in the middle of the day, no precaution is too much. This feeling of support and community is exactly what we need when facing these issues.

Thankfully, this support group is not just something that is happening at our university. The group was inspired by The Tab newspapers article on another “Women Walking Home” group chat. As well as a page for women to join, there is also a Facebook messenger group chat in which members are encouraged to message if they feel unsafe so another member can ring them on their walk home in another selfless offering of support, between women with weak and strong ties alike. Some may argue that this group isn’t entirely inclusive because it is heavily orientated towards females, but this doesn’t stop the group from being an online community, as these are defined as a tool to enable users to “ articulate a list of other users with whom they share a connection” (Boyd and Ellison, 2008) as aforementioned, and typically, males don’t get approached in this way. Males are present on the group as I have mentioned, in the form of the university security team. In fact, them joining the group could be a positive step, so that they are aware of what is going on, but this could also be negative as this could allow the members of the public who are engaging in this behaviour to become aware of the location of users and thus perpetuate the problem. So, in some cases, being inclusive of both genders is not of upmost importance.

This online community and utilisation of social media is a huge affordance of Facebook and social media, showcasing an amazing and innovative way to use the sites to stay safe. It’s also a great example of the constant development of social media and how we can use these advancements in everything we do. Which begs the question, is Facebook really as outdated and boring as everyone says?

LOST AND FOUND PETS IN BRISTOL/SOUTH GLOS

Finally, a group I have been a member of for a few years now: Lost and Found Pets in Bristol/South Gloucestershire. This group really epitomises the affordances of social media for me. With 30,208 members, this group is responsible for re-uniting thousands of lost, found and stolen pets with their owners, as well as re-homing pets with no where to go. The idea behind it is simple.

Lost an animal? Found an animal? 

Simply post a picture, location or description and the tens-of-thousands of members will get to work for you.

Due to the longevity of the group, members and admin have a great relationship with one another, and its a recipe for success. Admin are aware of members and their location so that when an animal or pet goes missing or pops up in their area, someone can be on site ASAP. It really is as simple and effective as that. The admins are so invested in the page that they have been known to recognise pets that have gone missing years prior when their little furry face pops up on their feed - with one cat and owner being re-united after eight years! EIGHT! This group proves that miracles really can, and do, happen.

Never have I lost a pet (thank goodness) but the sheer thought of losing my dogs motivated me to join this group to ensure that if I ever do, I know that 30,000 people in Bristol are aware of it almost instantaneously and can assist in my search, with success. In 2015, 7000 pets were reunited with their owners from the group alone - even pets with no microchip are often re-united purely from the work of this group! If that doesn’t convince you that Facebook can be used for good, I don’t know what can. I think that it is a priceless and hugely innovative way to use social media - gone are the days of soggy “LOST” posters stapled to lamp-posts and trees and loss of reunion hope. 

In summary, These communities are characterised by their complex nesting structure but this complexity and structure is what makes these groups so diverse, and so great: the variety of connections made possible by these communities is unparalleled. The media richness and participant framework within these groups, one many times a global level, allows users to be bound together by a common interest, concern or topic and though they may have no personal relationship with other users, referred to as weak ties, this factor doesn’t restrict their capacity to offer advice or engage in conversation, with mavens: who are people with access to things that are beneficial to others, and connectors: people who act as bridges for the facilitation of these things, working together to achieve positivity, costly or not.  

These communities are the future of Facebook.

Dunbar’s number, who? We have thousands of online friends now.

Boyd, D., & Ellison, N. (2008). Social Network Sites: Definition, History, and Scholarship. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication. 13, 210-230.

[ravenclawravings]

Tag Game

Hi all! Recently we have been tagged in a bunch of those tag games. So instead of clogging your newsfeed we decided to combine a bunch into one post.

Here are some of you who tagged us! (I tried to find you all but, we get a lot of notifications and Tumblr makes it very hard to sort through them)

Tagged by: @headcanonsandmore 

@fuckitup-in-style,

@acciohermionejg

@iamskylorsaurus

@unusuallyzealousburgette

Gender: Both of us are girls.

Birthday: Zoe: March 28th. Alex: March 11th

Last movie seen: Zoe: Dunkirk Alex: Star Wars: The Last Jedi

What do you post/reblog: Zoe: A bunch of random crap. Alex: On this blog we post #relatable content. On my personal I just shitpost

Last thing you Googled: Zoe: “List of apex predators” Alex: “how do radiators know when to turn on”

Favorite blog: Zoe: No idea. Alex: @myendlessparade has some dank content ;)

Dream job: Zoe: Writer/ youtuber but I’m bad at both Alex: YouTuber or a paid/professional internet content creator

Dream trip: Zoe: I don’t know, I haven’t been to Japan before, I guess Alex: I really want to go to Germany but, I’d love to go anywhere in Europe. Or anywhere outside the US. Or anywhere really.

What would be your first entry in a new diary: Zoe: I don’t diary Alex: Probably something really random, a random thought perhaps. All of my past journals are filled with weird shit like “Tap Dancing Cat Play” with zero context

Top 3 things you love about yourself: Zoe: Why is this so hard? Can I say things I love about Alex instead? 1) She’s smart and funny and a great person to be around. 2) She’s creative and works so hard on the things she’s passionate about. 3) She’s supportive and understanding and all around a great friend. Alex: d’awwwww <3 turning the tables now - here are three reasons I love Zoe: 1. She’s a very accepting, patient and understanding friend. 2. She’s full of good ideas and the reason we started this blog. Also partly convinced me to pursue YouTube seriously (speaking of we need to do something about the gaming channel) 3. She has a very dark and dry humor, we can talk and laugh for hours

3 things you wish you knew how to do: Zoe: 1) Drive stick, 2) speak a different language (I’ve tried, I’m really bad at it), 3) manage my finances Alex: 1. Make gifs, 2. play an instrument, 3. drive??!?

Something you wish you had discovered/invented first: Zoe: I honestly don’t know. Alex: I asked Jake what to say and he said “submarines.” So I guess submarines

3 qualities you like in a person: Zoe: 1) their sense of humor, 2) intelligence, 3) creativity Alex: 1. taste in media, 2. humor, 3. uniqueness

3 qualities you dislike in a person: Zoe: 1) Cockiness, 2) overly defensive, 3) when someone talks over someone else and especially when they don’t stop and listen when the first person tries to keep talking Alex: 1. Selfishness, 2. carelessness, 3. when they walk slowly in front of me

Favorite planet: Zoe: I guess technically Earth because I live here, but viva la Pluto! Alex: Mars! Mars has such a vast history for such a barren planet.

A resolution you make every year: Zoe: I don’t make resolutions. Alex: I don’t really make resolutions but, I try to be less hard on myself each year

Something you’re better at than most people: Zoe: Um... writing? Alex: Video editing

Something you’re worse at than most people: Zoe: Talking to other people. Alex: Making friends

Favorite thing about tumblr: Zoe: Memes? Alex: MEMES and cute animal pictures

Least favourite thing about tumblr: Zoe: The entire way that this site is set up is like someone threw darts at a board and went “so this goes here, and uh, I guess that’s how we do this...” Alex: Dear god, this website is designed poorly for blog runners! There is no clear way to sort notifications, you either get them all or none at all. Also there have been times when a queued post just doesn’t post or tags just delete themselves while you’re typing them.

Weapon of choice: Zoe: Knives or a bow and arrow (I’m actually quite good at archery) Alex: Uh, none...

Something not many people know about you:  Zoe: I was going to be in a production with my dad trying to break the world record of most roller coasters ridden in a day, but the plans everything fell through about midway through, so it never happened. Alex: In middle school I used wear one ankle sock and one knee high because...fashion...?

Favorite means of transport: Zoe: I like driving, but if I’m going into the city, I’m taking the train. Alex: God, I hate all means of transportation. It’s all bad. Let’s just learn how to teleport already

Favorite story: Zoe: Harry Potter Alex: A New Hope

Chicken or egg: Zoe: Dinosaur Alex: I was going to say chicken but, Zoe’s answer is the really the best one

Something that always makes you laugh: Zoe: Cats. Alex: When Zelda yells around the apartment at her toys

What is the strangest thing about you: Zoe: You should see some of the texts I send Alex. Alex: just who I am as a person

You get to switch places with someone for a day, who is it and why: Zoe: Can I switch places with my cat? Alex: I’m stealing Zoe’s answer. Fuck yeah! I’d love to be Zelda for a day!

Name: Zoe Alex

Nicknames: Zoe: None Alex: Weasel

Height: Zoe: 5′7″ Alex: 5′3″

Orientation: Zoe: Hell if I know Alex: straight

Nationality: Zoe: I’m a US and UK citizen. Alex: ‘murican

Favorite Fruit: Zoe: Banana? Alex: Oranges

Favorite Season: Zoe: Fall Alex: Fall

Favorite Flower: Zoe: Roses Alex: Blue Roses! (only people from high school will get this joke and none them follow me....)

Favorite Scents: Zoe: Burning wood Alex: Most any candle

Favorite Color: Zoe: Purple Alex: Purple

Favorite Animals: Zoe: Cheetah, wolves, sea pancake Alex: Zelda!

Coffee, Tea or Hot Chocolate: Zoe: Depends on my mood Alex: All of the above, please

Average Sleep Hours: Zoe: 6 Alex: 8?

Dog or Cat Person: Zoe: Both Alex: Love both but, I really like cats

Favorite Fictional Characters: Zoe: Oh god, Aragorn, Harry Potter, Sirius Black, Gandalf, don’t make me choose, I could keep going. Alex: Han Solo, The Master, Mac, Michael Scott, Squidward (??), I don’t know man!

Number of Blankets You Sleep with: Zoe: Anywhere between 1 and 4 Alex: Normally one but, if it’s real cold, two or more

Blog Created: Zoe: This blog was created a little over a year ago, my personal blog was created something like nine years ago I think. Alex: Mine was made like 6 years ago?

Number of Followers: 48,100

Random fact: Zoe: When people are hanged, they die from lack of blood flow to the brain. Alex: Most female cats are right pawed

Star sign: Zoe: Aries Alex: Pisces

Hogwarts House: Take a guess

Why I made this account: Zoe: I made the account because I wanted something to do, and then I invited Alex to be a part of it with me. Alex: What she said ^

Reason for url: Alliteration is cool?

My favorite writer: Zoe: It changes all the time. Alex: Dr. Seuss

My favorite book: Zoe: Harry Potter? Alex: I have no clue?

My favorite movie: Zoe: Lord of the Rings Alex: Oh dear, I don’t know... Ed Wood (1994) ?

Time: Zoe: 15:46 Alex: 9:58pm

Favourite bands: Zoe: Queen, The Who, FOB, Muse, a lot. Alex: Fall Out Boy, Imagine Dragons, Panic! at the Disco

Favourite solo artists: Zoe: No clue Alex: Uh none? I don’t really listen to music besides the three bands listed and movie soundtracks

Song stuck in my head: Zoe: Right now, it’s “I’m Only Joking” by Kongos Alex: “Champion” by Fall Out Boy

Last show I watched: Zoe: NCIS Alex: I don’t really know. It’s between The Punisher, Black Mirror and Peep Show. I watch so many things I forget when I last watched it

Do I get asks: Zoe: Not really. Alex: We get asks here pretty often. I never get any personally - except spam

Lucky number: Zoe: 13 Alex: 3

Instruments: Zoe: I played the clarinet ages ago, and I sorta learned Violin for a little bit, but if you asked me to play any instrument now, I’d probably suck. Alex: I am not talented enough

What I am wearing: Zoe: Plaid and leggings. Alex: Grey and black sweater, leggings and draped in a blanket 

Favourite food: Zoe: I want pancakes right now, so let’s go with that? Alex: I’m so bad at picking favorite things! I just love food!

Last book I read: Zoe: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (it’s tradition for me to reread all the novels every year, and I was late last year, so I only just finished it in time) Alex: The Disaster Artist

3 favorite fandoms: Zoe: Oh, god... Harry Potter, LotR, and i guess certain youtubers? Alex: uh, that changes depending on how I’m feeling. Right now, probably, Star Wars, YouTube and something else?

[blushingkatya]

What's one thing that Katya doesn't like doing but does it anyway for her Trixie? (For all your universes!!)

oof you know what i love and you’re letting me do it again you wonder

moonlight - katya isn’t the biggest fan of monogamy, but she drops having sex with other people when her and trixie get together. it makes her quietly content, and she likes just sleeping over trixie’s place and getting cosy and domestic with her. 

wait for it - katya cuts back on smoking, and she only ever smokes outside, to save trixie the stress of lighting extra candles to get rid of the smell. she hates that trixie has decided that not only does muffin need walks, but she needs a cat leash for that, but she still holds hands with trixie as they walk their fucking cat together. and as always, the dishes. 

falling slowly - it happens in the fic and i am keeping secrets 

sugar pink - despite still using it a lot, katya does make an effort to cut down on her social media sharing. and she no longer encourages people to bring her knives to conventions, even if she’ll still accept them. she also is the allocated painter of walls, neither of them like it but trixie gets ill with the fumes so katya very patiently takes care of any paint jobs.

succubus katya - nothing lol katya does whatever she likes and trixie just kind of has to deal with it. she at least makes an effort to not do things that make trixie upset. she’s a caring demonic entity! 

head girl trixie - everything, to be honest. katya’s whipped in this fic, she’s caught in this weird situation of hating trixie but wanting to have sex with her, and also kind of having to play nice. she hates waking up early to get ready with trixie, but she loves that trixie leaves getting dressed until the last moment. a long, gay nightmare.

[isroselalondebisexual]

Heya! If you're still doing trollswap stuff, how do you think John Peixes (there's a Jade and Dave Peixes and I wanna see this boy as tyrian), Rose Ampora (Idk I like Rose as seadweller purple but! that's just me), Jade Leijon (Dog girl...turned cat girl? :0, also Jade as a Witch of Heart is an interesting concept to me!), and Dave Maryam (Idk, Dave as a jadeblood would be cool, especially given that I think the jade caste is female majority?)

John Peixes, raised with as much wealth and power as a troll can have, with a lusus that makes demands but also loves him. Tbeh the idea of John using his power to hurt others is laughable, but I absolutely think that he’s the kind of person who would take advantage of his station to make sure that he’s first in line to see whatever cool new movie/game/interest of his that’s coming out. Is he going to burn down your neighborhood for the sake of a selfie background? No. Is he gonna post hella untagged spoilers for that movie you were looking forward to? You bet your ass. He’s well-intentioned over all, he likes all the warmer castes and has opinions ranging from “I mean what they’re up to is kind of not my business” to “they’re all so funny” depending on the mood of the night, a little condescending but never out of any malice. Nobody’s sure what to make of him because on one hand, it sorta sounds like he could have ideas for radical social reform in that he’s NOT mean to warm bloods and that’s usually how treason presents itself, but on the other hand he’s like… really endearing and his jokes are genuinely funny so most people actually really, really like him and are pretty pleased to be able to say “yes this one is our heir. He’s a little dumb but by god he’s doing his best.” There’s a sort of mutual back and forth of him looking at all of his subjects and going “aw cute” and them looking at him and going “fuck he’s adorable.” It’s possible that John, after maybe getting prompted from Rose or smth, uses his charm and social media presence (he’s got a sizable following, but no one is obligated to subscribe to his various channels) to start up a system where if someone in an area next to you dies, you can inform the heir and his orphaner and those lususes are donated to the cause of “Keep my horrorterror lusus from killing everyone by screaming.” He really doesn’t like killing things, it leaves a bad taste in his mouth and he gets. Weird. When he has to deal with death. So he’s really, really grateful he has a moirail like Rose to help take care of him! As Heir of Life, he’s got a pretty ridiculously high sense of empathy, especially considering the society he was raised in, and sometimes it can get so overwhelming he just shuts down. He’s compassionate, and interested in fixing things, but he isn’t sure how to DO that, aside from just, well, being himself. Taking things as they come to him. The universe is vast and cold and uncaring and he’s only one person in the midst of it all, and he knows that even though he was hatched into a position of pretty high political power, he’s still only ONE troll, and all trolls are killable. So he finds his balance by doing what he can, with what he has, where he is at. His quest is to embody the idea of giving his all, and he is truly awakened when he comes to the conclusion that what he has to give is enough. He is kind enough, tries hard enough, he is good enough just as himself, always bettering the situation around him to the best of his abilities and letting the rest of the universe sort itself out.

Rose Ampora, the most powerful and wealthy troll in Alternia except for one, who she is conveniently pale with. I think she’d be pretty similar to Rose Peixes in that she is driven and ruthless. She is second to no one, she’s top of the hemospectrum, a princess, royalty, she’s smarter, stronger, faster, better and she likes it that way. Her lusus is pretty lax, all things considered, content to go along with whatever she asks Seahorsemom to do, and it’s sort of frustrating that her lusus doesn’t share the same drive as she does, but convenient too, because that means whatever she wants, Seahorsemom will agree to, or at the very least acquiesce. If Rose starts misbehaving, Seahorsemom isn’t likely to enact any discipline, so Rose sort of has the run of the hive. Rose can be pretty mean when she wants to be, convinced of her own authority and superiority and raised on a violent, unfair planet in the deep waters of a violent, freaky ocean. Razor sharp and whip-fast reflexes are necessary to survive the deep sea, and transfer over into her everynight life and conversation styles. John is her best friend, and is the calm to her storm. He’s the one who tells her when she’s being too mean, or when someone wasn’t really trying to pick a fight with her, the one who laughs at other people’s jokes and clues her in that she shouldn’t be tensing up and reaching for her needles, the one who soothes her down and blurs the sharp edges on her, and she’s really, really grateful she has a moirail like John to help take care of her! As Seer of Hope, her goal is to stop focusing so much on the bad, on the violent way things were, she needs to stop thinking that all and any words thrown her way are threats or veiled mockery, and instead try to look towards the good, the prospects of the new world, the way things can become better without having to fight fang and claw for it. She’s always wanted better, you know. Always wanted to be better, herself, better, for her moirail, better, always trying, always clawing desperately for better, but she’s so focused on the negatives that that became impossible for her. As Seer of Hope, she must learn to change her perspective. Also, somewhat unrelated note, but violet Rose would be the best dresser Alternia has ever seen. Just sayin. She’s a disaster at all times always but that sure as hell doesn’t mean she needs to look like one.

Jade Leijon! Raised in a cave in the middle of the woods by an oversized, two-mouthed housecat who loves her! Pounce always seemed pretty spunky, from how Nepeta described her, so Jade still has a high-energy lusus that she can go out gallivanting about with! Jade, I can’t really see being a huntress, which may frustrate Pounce bc go!!!! Hunt!!!! It’s for food!!!!! We are cats!!!! But Jade is very likely content to just eat normal troll food and keeps her rifle on her for protection reasons. Of course, if anything in the forest decides that Jade is prey, it’s gonna lose that fight, and she’ll eat that, but she doesn’t like, go out of her way to hunt things. Having an affectionate cat for a lusus probably means Jade has a good understanding of “tell me to stop touching you and I will” but ALSO is the type of person to get aaaaaaaaaaaaall up in your personal space just like, casually, because she loves you and why wouldn’t she be here!!!! What do you mean you’re busy on the computer no you’re not, it’s time to cuddle with Jade now! Very likely still has her vast variety of interests, but her attention is more apt to flit between them, getting bored with something means immediately dropping it and going to something else. So he’s very smart and very impassioned about her interests, she just has a very non-linear way of going about it! Still super duper friendly and the local sweetheart of everyone, good at finding the way people like to communicate and successfully mimicking the other person’s communication style. This leads to her not being entirely sure of what her own personality is, because she’s a pretty big people pleaser and she feels like she puts on a different “mask” every time she talks to a different person, but really all that means is she’s very in tune to the emotions and personalities of the people she’s engaged with and very skilled at context-based decisions! As Witch of Heart, this is only emphasized, as she is the kind of person who is able to change emotions and the way her soul operates to best fit the needs she is presented with! Her nuanced capabilities are what let her really flourish as Witch of Heart, though sometimes the things that seem obvious to her make her come off as, paradoxically, emotionally distant. OBVIOUSLY her friends feel x way about y things, why are they making everything so complicated??? It’s simple, couldn’t be plainer, her friends are so silly and they can be sorta dumb sometimes, wow! But in reality Jade is the one who has that emotional clarity, and her friends aren’t being dumb, they’re just dealing with feelings and thoughts that are really complicated to them, despite seeming simple to Jade. She’s got a little bit of trouble with understanding that her experiences are not universal- there are some disconnects she’s gotta work through- but she’s deeply caring and very smart so it all works out for the best in the end.

Dave Maryam! So you said that the jadebloods were a female-majority caste and what immediately came to mind was “Dave is trans confirmed” so Dave is trans, confirmed. He lives alone in the desert, with a mothergrub for a lusus and we know the mothergrub really loved Kanaya and was very close to her so Dave has a good lusus, always blessed as a concept 10/10. I imagine he’d actually be really sick of the cold, since deserts get fucking chilly at night, and so he’s more of a daytime person, despite not really knowing why. Obviously he’s not a rainbow drinker, John, that’s absurd. Like how Dave in canon is all “lmao obviously I’m not gay” until he takes the time to figure out that yeah, yeah he is, despite overwhelming signs, that’s Dave with his own rainbowdrinking nature in this. Jade thinks he’s dumb and doesn’t understand what the issue is here. Dave thinks maybe SHES the dumb one, how about that! They’re dumb children and I love them. Isolation is exceedingly not-fun, and Dave can’t really get into photography cause there’s not a lot to photograph out here in the middle of nowhere. Not a lot of shit to die for him to put in jars, either. The ruins he lives close to are very interesting, though, so he ends up something of an archaeologist, digging up those ruins, trying to decipher them, funneling endless hours into those weird rocks and carved frogs and cryptic symbols because it’s one of the only things for him to DO out there in the middle of nowhere. He creates a VAST wealth of comics, also because art is one of the only things he’s able to do out there in the middle of nowhere, and the responses he gets from people who read (but generally don’t fully understand) his comics might be empty and artificial but so is the flimsy validation he gets from seeing his follower count rise and the notes go up. As Knight of Space he is similar to Dave Harley, in that he upholds the balance of the universe and needs to breed the new one, which STILL just means he’s the weird frog dad now. It’s interesting for him bc he always knew he was gonna be working with weird babies of one sort or another, and he was pretty comfortable with the role of fatherhood being something he would eventually assume, but instead of bug people he’s just got. Like. A bunch of weird frogs. Jade come check this out these things are NASTY lol. He enjoys them, but doesn’t form as close of an emotional attachment to them, because he’s been conditioned by Alternia and the structure of how his species reproduces to know that while they’re temporarily in his care, he must eventually set them off to go do their own things (like, say, becoming the universe, for example). His role as a father of these weird paradox frogs is the method by which he protects the universe and it’s existence, which is something that makes him feel incredibly important and gives him a sense of wholeness, which he deserves. 

[purplesurveys]

490

Do you ever eat when you're not particularly hungry? I’ll try to avoid it, but I would sometimes eat when I get bored. When I’m stuck with someone in public I’ll also take a bite (if I have food) from time to time so that I don’t have to keep talking. Have you ever gone up a mountain on a train? No. My parents paid for horse rides up the Taal Volcano once, but this was back when I was 12 and had no idea what a terrible idea this was. I appreciate what my parents did for that trip but as I grew older it’s never really served as a fond memory for me as I think of how exhausted the horses must have been. It’s been several years so I hope they’ve put a stop to it.

What is your favourite hot beverage? I hate hot beverages. If I absolutely had to have a hot drink though I always pick hot chocolate.

Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. What was your imaginary friend called when you were a child? Katrina. She existed for like half an hour, though.

Can you see the stars at night where you live? A little bit. They’re much clearer in the higher area of my city. Where do you live? The Philippines, unfortunately. Is there anyone you just can't get out of your head? Kylie Minogue. Lmfao lame joke aside, not really. I’m past that phase where I’m absolutely crazy about my girlfriend and think of her every minute. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Why? Dogs. They’re friendlier and playful, which is really the reason why I’d consider having a pet at home. There’s a really sweet cat that’s guaranteed to lie on my lap in my college building, but apart from him I’ve never understood cats :( One thing you'd like to achieve this year: Not fuck up my job as vice president for externals in my org. I’ve never worked in the committee before and only took up the job because no one else cared as much for the org, so I’m just looking forward to not making mistakes and following whatever my predecessor did. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I would try out anything so long as it didn’t have my least favorite, fruits. Are you a hoarder of useless items? Receipts are technically useless, but I hoard them for memories. What colour do you think suits you best? Is this your favourite colour? Navy green. It’s not my favorite, but it looks the best on me for some reason. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? Nah, I don’t think there’s anything unusual. Do you know both of your biological parents? Which one do you prefer? Yes. I live with them. I like my dad better. If you could intern anywhere, where would you choose? Anywhere that would give me the opportunity to do public relations and media relations! My internship opportunity had been super cool, so having another experience like it would be amazing. When was the last time you wrote so much your finger ached? May, when I had a string of final exams that I all had to do by hand.  Do you store a lot of pictures you've taken that no one else has seen? Yep. I’m a pretty horrible photo hoarder. My camera roll needs some seeeerious cleaning. Do you prefer film or digital pictures? Digital just cause it’s easier and more accessible. But I like how film looks so much more. When was the last time you felt inferior? Last Wednesday. Do you bump into things often? I’m less clumsy now, come to think of it. When did you first start using the internet? 2008. I remember having had it much earlier but 1) I was still super young to go around using the computer, and 2) there wasn’t much to do on the Internet anyway. But by the time 2008 rolled around, there was a good amount of content that 10-year-old me could have fun with. Were you ever a member of the Scouts / Girl Guides / Something similar? No, we don’t have that here. If we do, it’s not as popular or publicized. Do you prefer camping or staying in hotels? Staying in hotels. But that’s only because I’ve never legitimately camped before. Do you have any family traditions for certain holidays? Which? For Christmas, we would usually go to one of my grandpa’s sisters house and have a big reunion with my mom’s side of the family and do monito-monita for exchanging gifts. As we’ve gotten older it’s become much harder to gather everyone under the same roof, so this image is among my favorite and fondest memories of being a kid. Do you prefer lip balm that tastes or smells of something? Or maybe neither? I prefer it to taste/smell sweet. What is something you think about yourself that nobody agrees with? I dunno what other people think of me. What about something people think of you that you don't agree with? That I’m put together LMFAAAAAOOOO Do you enjoy flying? What's your (least) favourite part? I love it. I don’t like if I’m anywhere but the window seat. What colour are your eyes? Do you like them? Dark brown. I mean, I like them but they’re kinda just...normal. Filipinos don’t have a choice anyway though so whatever.

Have you ever had braces? I had them for a couple of years in high school. Name one of your hobbies: Trying out new food! How minty is your toothpaste? It’s the right amount. It’s not too painful. What design is on your calendar this year? I just use the calendar app on my phone. Do you collect anything? What? Receipts, photos, coloring books. Do you keep a diary? What sort of things do you write in it? This blog is virtually my diary. I write about whatever I’m asked. Are you prone to headaches? Only if I’m exposed to hot-cold-hot-cold weather. Do you enjoy clowns / street performers or are they creepy to you? So long as they aren’t doing anything to be creepy, I’m fine with them. What is your favourite type of video game? Open world tbh so I can get away with not doing missions, as someone who’s never figured out how to beat any video game hahahahaha Do you believe everything you hear or do you take it with a pinch of salt? Well, it would depend on what I’m hearing. :/ What's the weather like where you live? (All year round, not today) The climate is tropical, which just means it’s PAINFULLY HOT for most of the year, and it can either be humid or chilly when it does rain. It’s never too cold, which sucks for me. Have you ever had a teacher who would just babble about nothing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA welcome to college, my dude. Do you ever look at a word and think that it looks odd? Not really this per se, but sometimes I’ll keep staring at a word and eventually it’ll start looking weird. I know this happens for everyone else too lmao so. Do you prefer getting news online, from a paper or from the TV? Nowadays, online, provided that it’s accurate and verified. I don’t watch TV anymore and reading the paper is just too much of a hassle. The shoes you wear most often: What do they look like? They’re Onitsukas with red and blue stripes. When was the last time you climbed a tree? I’ve never done this. All trees in this country have red ants haha. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? Yes, it was one of my favorite games. We call it piko here, though. Only rich kids who grew up speaking in English call it hopscotch. Are you good at keeping your house clean? I like to keep my place tidy, but I dunno if I’m any good. Can you play any instruments? Just the recorder, if it even counts.

Do you prefer chocolate or fruity flavoured candy? I don’t really like candy so I can go either way.

[jestbee]

Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Fourteen)

[heytheregreeneyes]

Something Just Like This

Chapter 8

Summary: Josh falls. Josh falls fast and Josh falls hard. But what happens when he loves something he can’t keep?

Just a super fluffy love story in which, Josh meets and quickly falls completely in love with you. You are pregnant (surrogate) and he gets attached to the pregnancy.

A/N:  Not your typical pregnancy fic! Another dream about Josh that is being turned into a reader insert. I thought, ‘hmm, out of all the pregnancy fics or reader insert fics, I bet exactly zero feature a surrogate pregnancy’. Well, here ya go. Something new/different. Enjoy!

Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader

Type: fluff

Chapters: 10/?

Word Count: 26,695/?

Warnings: none

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 |

Chapter Preview:

Your hands shoot to your mouth as your eyes go wide and you gasp, sucking in a large breath, realizing now what is happening. You immediately start shaking with adrenaline and you can’t tell if it’s the baby or the butterflies that are doing all those flips in your belly.

He looks up to you, big brown eyes full of hope... tears still slipping down his cheeks.

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

‘Is there a baby pilot on the way? Has Josh been secretly dating? Our sources say it’s likely!’

Read on for details below on TMZ.com

These articles are getting ridiculous. You’d only been home for a couple of days when you noticed an uptick in your tags on social media. People you didn’t know were tagging you in posts and comments, and while the articles themselves weren’t really bad, it was the comments that were crazy.

“It’s definitely weird seeing pictures of yourself, ones that you didn’t post, all over the internet,” you say, adjusting your laptop monitor so you can see them better. You called Maddy and Jenna over skype to discuss it.  Plus, after spending every day together for a week, you really missed seeing your friends.

“Yeah, it can get a bit crazy, that’s for sure,” Maddy says.

“What I would suggest is to go on all your social media sites: twitter, instagram, facebook... whatever, and immediately put them onto private, or at least as private as you can get them. Do that as soon as you possibly can. Then go through and delete anything you wouldn’t want leaked all over the internet for people to see. That can be anything from certain information, sad or angry status updates or tweets, bad pictures, pictures of family or extended family you don’t wanna share outside your friend circle… whatever. Because, let me tell you, the fans are smart. They’ll find information on you that you didn’t even know was findable,” Jenna informs, and rightly so. She’s experienced it all first hand.  

You nod, taking her advice to heart. “Yeah, I’ve already noticed that,” you say as you minimize their camera to the upper corner of your screen to begin setting all your socials to private. “Some of them already know my name and that I’m a surrogate,” you say, flatly.

“See? They’re quick!” Maddy affirms, eyes wide and nodding her head.

“Some of the comments have been pretty harsh, but others are just hilarious,” you say, reaching over to pet one of your cats, Gatsby, who jumped up and curled against your leg. You’re unsure where the other three are at the moment.

“Yeah, that’s one of the sucky things about it. There’s some really good fans and some that are absolutely hilarious, but then there’s also the really mean and rude ones. You have to do your best to just ignore those and focus on the good ones, unfortunately.” Jenna says.

“Yep! I’ve already seen comments that talk about the typical bashing of how I look and my weight and stuff, and those that compare me to his past relationships, but then I’ve seen some really mean ones that say Josh doesn’t actually like me, that he’s only with me because he knocked me up. As if I secretly got pregnant with his baby to trap him in a relationship or something.”

“Just let it roll off, sweetie. People used to make fun of my weight too, and it can really get to you if you let it. Just try to look past it,” Maddy cautions.  

“I know, I am. Luckily, there are some really funny comments that kinda balance it out. My favorite are the ones that say that yes, I am a surrogate, but that I’m a surrogate for Jenna and Tyler. Or, and this is my favorite, that yes, I am a surrogate, but Jenna and I are just cover-ups for Josh and Tyler’s relationship, and that I’m actually carrying the baby for them. Or another version where Josh and I aren’t even in a relationship at all, and I’m only around because I’m carrying a baby for him and Tyler, and they want me near so they can monitor the pregnancy. I died when I heard that one. Hilarious!”

“Well, Tyler is partly to blame for that one. He brings some of that Joshler stuff on himself,” Jenna says pointedly, but also with a smile.  

Yeah, but they are such great friends, though. And I love that they can be so close and be there for each other, especially when on the road. Honestly, it’s kind of a given that they’d be a packaged deal. Date one get one free, kind of a thing,” you say giggling, Maddy and Jenna joining you and agreeing.

“Exactly! I knew when I married Tyler that I’d, in some ways, be marrying Josh as well.”

“True,” you say, shaking your head.

“So, I know you’ve only been home for just a couple of days, but when are you planning to come back out here?” Maddy asks.

“Not sure. I have some things I need to take care of here, but then I might look into coming back out there. I miss you girls!

The doorbell rings and you click over at the tab with your pizza order, seeing that the status shows as ‘out for delivery’.

“Oop, I better go. Pizza’s here! I’ll talk to you girls later. Miss you!”

“Bye! Miss you!” they say, blowing kisses as you exit the app.

You shut your laptop, tossing it to the middle of your bed before grabbing your cash off your nightstand and heading to the door.

You open the door and immediately hear a strong whimper, glancing up just quick enough to get a glimpse of a yellow streak flying towards you as you’re pulled into a tight hug.

“Oh my god, I missed you so much.”

Josh.

You pull back just enough to glance at his face, a face which has its eyes squeezed shut, before you snuggle back in. You squeeze him back tightly and inhale deeply, taking in as much of him as you can. It’s only hitting you now just how much you missed him.

“I missed you, too,” you say, turning to kiss his cheek before stepping back. “And not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here? I thought you and Tyler had some recording to do,” you say, propping the door open and stepping aside so that he could come in.

He rolls his suitcase over against the wall, near the door but out of the way before answering, “I decided I don’t like being that far away from you. So, I fixed it. Surprise!” he finishes, holding out his arms sheepishly.

“Hey, I’ll take it,” you say quietly, stepping forward so that he could wrap his arms back around you and kiss you properly. He kisses you slowly, savoring it, as his hands drop to your growing belly.

“And, if it’s okay, I kinda wanted to go to your ultrasound appointment with you,” he murmurs pushing his forehead against yours.

“Well, then you made it just in time; my appointment is tomorrow afternoon. And,” you say as you see a car pull into the driveway, “you're just in time for pizza.”

“This night just keeps getting better!”

-----

“Dude, I still can’t believe that in the next episode they-” he starts.

“Hey, hey, hey! Spoilers!” you quickly cut in to avoid finding out any plot points too soon

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

You’re both lying on your bed, legs tangled together watching Sex in the City on the tv/xbox combo you had set up in there for lazy netflix binging. He was holding your hand, thumb lazily grazing your knuckles as you four cats piled around him, successfully preventing you from snuggling any closer.  

He looks over at you, contented, goofy grin on his face when something red on your nightstand catches his eye. “Is that a bluetooth speaker?”

You look over briefly to see it wedged between your table lamp and stacks of notebooks. “Uh, yeah. I got it for christmas a couple of years ago.”

He carefully starts extracting himself from the cat corral they had made around him, digging something out of his pocket as he goes.

“Do you mind if I play something?” he says, holding up his phone.

“No, go ahead,” you say, reaching over to turn it on so he can sync his phone.

A few moments of silence go by as he turns on his bluetooth to sync with the speaker. Suddenly, a female robotic voice cuts through the brief silence, “Connected to: Spooky’s iPhone.”

You don’t say anything, just glance over at him, eyebrows raised as both of you burst out in a fit of giggles.

“What? Don’t judge me!” he says, teasingly, as the familiar song starts playing.

You immediately recognize the song as the one you danced together to at the wedding.

“Josh, you silly boy, what are you trying to do?”

“Dance with me,” he says simply, holding his hand out to pull you up. He pulls you to him and towards the center of the room, just in front of the foot of the bed.

He tugs you closer, belly snug against his waist as he takes one of your hands in his, and places his other hand on the small of your back before starting to sway to the music. He leans his head down to rest his cheek against the side of your head, and you can’t believe it as he starts to actually sing the words to you.

“Forever can never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you,” he sings softly.

You’re dying. Not only is this just the sweetest thing ever, but Josh is singing. Actually singing. Something he never does… and he’s singing… to you. It’s beautiful.

“Forget the world now we won't let them see. But there's one thing left to do.”

How appropriate that that lyric perfectly fits into your conversation you had earlier today.

“Marry me. Today and every day. Marry me. If I ever get the nerve to say ‘Hello’ in this cafe, say you will.”

He turns his head and places a kiss on your cheek. You feel him pull you tighter to him before his hand glides around, resting on the swell of your belly, thumb stroking back and forth as he continues to sway in small circles.

“Together can never be close enough for me to feel like I am close enough to you. You wear white and I'll wear out the words ‘I love you’, and ‘you're beautiful’.”

“I love you, Josh,” you turn to whisper in his ear. You watch as a smile and a blush grow on his face as he continues to sing.

“I promise to sing to you, when all our music dies.”

It’s at this point that he stops swaying. Stops singing. Just pulls back enough to hold you at arm’s length, looking you directly in the eyes.  

“Josh?”

“Kat, like the lyrics said, th-these past few days... I-I couldn’t stand to be away from you. It was actual torture. You were all I could think about, all I could talk about… I couldn’t even concentrate enough to record anything decent at the studio. All I wanted was to be where you were.  And actually, I knew from the moment I first saw you that I’d never want to be away from you, and these past few days only proved it to me that much more.”

His words are so sweet, and you are positively melting at what he’s saying. Your heart rate and breathing start to pick up, and you get a rush of butterflies in your stomach when you see the look of sincerity on his face.

“I know-” his voice cracks and he has to look away for a second, wiping at his eyes where tears have started to spill over. “Sorry,” he whispers before clearing his throat and starting again.

“I now know my life will never be complete without you beside me to share it. I know now that I exist in two places... here,” he says, bringing his hand to rest over his heart as another stray tear falls, “and wherever you are,” he finishes, bringing his hand up to cup your face.  

He stops talking to lean in for a short, sweet kiss. When he pulls back, he pauses just long enough to gently rub your belly for a second before pulling something out of his pocket and dropping to his knee.  

He holds out the flat box and slowly opens it, a beautiful diamond ring blooming into view, sparkling in the low light of the room.

Your hands shoot to your mouth as your eyes go wide and you gasp, sucking in a large breath, realizing now what is happening. You immediately start shaking with adrenaline and you can’t tell if it’s the baby or the butterflies that are doing all those flips in your belly.

He looks up to you, big brown eyes full of hope as he holds the ring up to you, tears still slipping down his cheeks.

“Kat, will you marry me?”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 |

In case you didn't recognize it, the song he sings is Marry Me, by Train. And I changed ONE word in the lyrics to that song. Do you know what it was?

As always, I am actually a surrogate, currently pregnant with my 3rd surrobaby, so If you have any questions or are curious about any part of being a surrogate, please ask! I love talking about surrogacy stuff!

x-posted on my Ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/users/EncOREO/works

[catladybookclub-blog]

NaNoWriMo 2017: I DID IT!!!

Your girl has disappeared, but I'm back!  My absence isn't due to a lack of great books...in fact, I hit 100 books on my annual reading list just before November rolled around, which is nuts to me, because this is probably my fourth time attempting to read 100 books in a year's time.  Usually I peter out around 70 books, so it feels great to finally break into 3 digit numbers!

And of all years to hit 100, I honestly never would have guessed 2017 would be the one.  My year started out pretty rocky and continued on in similar fashion.  Since January, my dad's suffered a stroke and gone through a major heart surgery, I lost the job I had for almost three years and had to scramble to pick up those pieces, my husband and I moved and most likely will be moving again within the next couple of months, we struggled financially more than ever, and needless to say, the combo of those things wreaked havoc on my mental health at times.  Not to mention, every day the news and social media is rife with so much garbage that makes me want to tear my face off.  There are so many days when I'd rather just hide under my covers with all the cats, pretending I'm a cat, too.

I hit 100 books around Halloween, and am currently sitting at a happy 108 on my Goodreads tracker.  I have a few more books on my list, but then I plan to write a 2017 wrap-up blog post detailing all my favorites...and I promise it'll be posted before 2018!  Swear!

But I digress.

Today I actually wanted to follow up on a project I last wrote about here, which is the beast that was #NaNoWriMo2017.  That's right, I attempted writing a novel for the first time ever.

To recap, nanowrimo.org is a website/community of writers striving to write 50,000 words during the month of November every year.  I learned about Nano from watching people like John Green and Kristina Horner on YouTube, then decided around this time last year that I'd attempt Nano in 2017.  I started to prep early, nailing down a plot to work on sometime over the summer.  By August, I started my storyboards, character development, and initial outlines.  I re-read Stephen King's On Writing for like the zillionth time along with a handful of other instructional books.  I participated on Nanowrimo's amazing forums, meeting and interacting with other writers for the first time since I was a student.

And also?  I was scared shitless.  

My entire life, I've been a writer, but these blog posts are honestly the longest pieces I'd ever written up until November.  In high school, I wrote for the school newspaper and was obsessed with becoming the next Sylvia Plath, sharing my poetry at student workshops and such, but that was kinda where it started and ended.  I'd tell myself and everyone else that as much as I'd love to write a whole book, I just couldn't imagine being so disciplined to get through anything longer than a couple pages.  I'm that person that can edit one little ten line poem three hundred times before I'm happy with it, so the thought of slogging through an entire novel edit was a scary and exhausting thought.

Despite my pessimism, I still wanted to try my hand at Nanowrimo.  I figured that even if a novel wasn't born at the end of November, maybe I could at least kickstart my writing habits by forcing myself to write every day.  So I went for it, and I'm here to tell you a bit about my experience.

Remember the little black and white bookshelf I shared here in October, that I wanted to color in each day to represent how many words I wrote?  Here’s what it looks like today...

With the exception of one night of sheer laziness and another in excruciating migraine pain, I wrote every single day in November, averaging about 2000 words/day.  My grand total was just under 60k and guess what else?  Somewhere, buried beneath poorly constructed dialogue, a slew of awkward teenage characters, and a million fictional diary entries, is my first YA novel.

I did it!!!  

What they say about first drafts, and about writing in general, is true.  No first draft will be perfect, or even good...and that's okay.  It's all about putting one word on paper, and following it with more words.  Some of it will make sense and some of it will be utter gobbledygook.  What's important is that you're writing.  The juices are flowing, neurons are firing, and habits are being formed.

God knows my first draft is pretty awful.  I wrote lots of trash that won't exist (hopefully) in the final draft.  I wrote out of order, in different tenses, from different characters' points of view, not knowing where any of it would land.  TBH, I'm still not 100% sure what the finished product will be, but that's not the point.  What matters is the fact that I have a gold mine of material to shape, mine, and sort through during the editing process.  I've fallen so in love with my characters, and in the midst of all the garbage, there are little gems already surfacing--scenes I wrote that legit made me swoon as I wrote them.  I got actual butterflies writing a particular scene with my book's OTP.  I dreamt about another important scene on multiple occasions, coming up with unconscious edits and changes.  There were times that my characters felt so alive, it was like they were directing me through the story rather than the reverse.  And that's honestly kinda magical.

So at the end of the day, the process was more valuable than I could have ever imagined.  I guess in a weird way it seals my belief that reading and writing are part of me, in my DNA just as deep as blood and bones and guts.  During one of the shittiest years of my life, the reading and writing--and the goals I set for myself regarding each--didn't serve as another set of obstacles to survive.  They served as my lifelines, my rewards for making it through another day, and much-needed therapy, time and again.

I'm not a horn-tooter, but I'll make the exception here, because I just accomplished a goal probably 25 years in the making.  I learned a ton, improved my writing habits, and was able to set a bunch of new goals.  I'm even considering doing a bit of vlogging next year during November just to share my organization methods and prep ideas, plus to keep a daily account of how the project is moving along.  I kept a journal for my first Nano attempt, but got so addicted to watching Nano vlogs on YouTube, I've been toying with filming (at least parts of) my experience next year.  

Anywho.  That's another thought for another time.  I'll end things here, but thanks so much for reading and make sure to follow this blog if you enjoy my content.  I'll be posting my 2017 reading wrap up very soon, and I can't wait to share all my favorite discoveries from the past 365 days!