#weird girl nation rise

[feymaid]

⚡️DEATH IS ONLY TEMPORARY I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!⚡️

[my-little-room-of-horrors]

It’s such a small detail, but I love the fact that the poem in the end of Lisa Frankenstein it’s from the same book she read at the creature’s grave. (Bonus points because it was written by Mary Shelley’s husband)

[my-little-room-of-horrors]

I love that you can see either of them as the girl and it means different things but is still accurate.

ill think im cured of my bpd then i get a crush

[bee-makes-a-heart]

ylfa snorgelsson //

originally posted: mar 4 2024

[cartoonyaoi]

6 year old me about to ask my mom the most deranged, grotesque, morbid “what would you do if” question for no reason

[hoe4sports]

“Love me to my bones”

Alexia Putellas x reader

A/N: Part two of the stargazing series. It’s based off of the song Stargazing by Myles Smith. P3 can be found here. Triggers includes swearing.

-

05.37. There was thunder outside causing you to be held awake. The heavy drumming on your windows definitely didn’t help on your anxiety. You were staring at the clock on your nightstand while your roommates soft snores were lingering in the room. 05.38. More thunder. Four rounds of thunder within one minute. 3 seconds away from you. For a hot second; you thought you had lost all common sense as you tossed yourself back in your bed and covered your head with a pillow. You didn’t just hate thunder, you despised it. It made all the anxiety you had piled up from football shoved underneath the carpet come alive. You weren’t particularly traumatised, but you had been tough on yourself as a kid. It was hard being compared to Alexia all the time, and it ended up with you having to work twice as hard as her. She was a natural, a magician with the ball. You however, were a not so much natural. But hey, you know what they all say; hard work over talent.

The scrutinising buzzing of Claudia’s alarm woke you up at 6. You were two ringings away from chucking your phone at Claudia to wake her up. It was weird staying with anyone else during away-games, but Alexia had requested her own room for the first time since you started playing together as kids. The wish had come up after she’d talk to Olga about her spacing out, only for Olga to blame it on Alexia for being so busy with football and her teammates. You were surprised by how much it hurt to be wrecked for your usual partner, but you accepted it. What hurt was that Alexia hadn’t reached out to you. She didn’t answer your texts, your calls and she hadn’t given you an explanation. Your explanation was made of giving her the benefit of the doubt. That’s why you had been paired with Claudia. Claudia wasn’t the worst person to camp up with, but by the judgment of her alarm; she wasn’t the best either. “Ah, rise and shine! Ready for another day of football?” Claudia sang after she’d turned off the alarm. The look on your face made her jump a little. “Oh my, Y/N, what happened to you?!” Claudia exclaimed dramatically while hopping up from her bed to touch your face and study the tiredness up close. “I couldn’t sleep, the thunder was horrendous” you mumbled as Claudia moved your face around while she fiddled with the visible bags under your eyes. “Ai, I think you’ll need something better than coffee and face cream” she said blatantly causing you to whack her playfully in her thigh. Truth was that Alexia also hates thunder, so you knew that she was awake as well. You would normally sit together during thunderstorms in the nurturing company of each other. You had been each other’s safe space for years on end, sharing all your secrets and worst fears. That time seemed to had come to an end now that Alexia had Olga. 20 years chucked out of the window. The only comfort you had was that you knew Alexia first.

Claudia dragged you along downstairs for breakfast with the rest of the girls. You felt like you had been run over twice and it felt like your brain was about to pound out of your skull. A few of the girls were already downstairs; Ingrid, Mapi, Caroline, Marta, Patri and Irene. You flashed a half assed smile before you grabbed a plate and placed fruit on your plate. The lack of appetite wasn’t because of poor selection in the breakfast buffet; you could never eat properly after having nightmares or not having any sleep. The chair next to Ingrid was empty so you flopped down next to the Norwegian before taking a bite of the watermelon you had picked up. Ingrid was someone you could trust, whom you could rely on. She would never tell anyone and she would never judge. It was surprising to you when she told you that she wasn’t the captain of the Norwegian national team.

«Y/N? You look like someone forced you to do algebra all night!" Mapi exclaimed causing Ingrid to shot her a look. "Uhm, yea. There was thunder so i couldnt sleep" you shrugged while munching on the bright red strawberries you had collected from the buffet. The juiciness was refreshing for your dehydrated body. "Ai, How did Alexia sleep through that!” Mapi said as she popped a piece of bread into her mouth. “Where exactly is Alexia? Didn’t she come down with you?” Irene stated. The whole lot of girls looked at you as they quieted down. It felt like someone had put a spotlight on your head and you felt your cheeks burn. Everyone knew you and Alexia were two peas in a pod, so everyone also knew that something was wrong. You decided to tell the truth and play it off cool. “She wanted to have her own room, I’m sharing with Pina” you explained as you looked to the wall next to the girls so you could avoid eye contact. The group went dead quiet. The whole room felt like it was closing in on you. The air felt hot. The ringing in your ears were gradually taking a turn for the worse. You could feel the tears pressing.

“I’m gonna go get ready for practice” you practically commanded as you shoved your chair out and stomped up the stairs to the your room in the 11th floor. You quickly opted for the shower, ripping the clothes off your body as fast as you could. The water was turned to a cold setting and the icy water made you feel more awake than ever. It sharpened your body and your mind to the point where you had forgotten about Alexia. Eventually, you got out and pulled on your shorts, t-shirt and your wind jacket. Claudia was laying on her bed watching TikTok as you came out of the bathroom. “That took forever!” Claudia sighted as she looked up at you. “Yea, I forgot the time” you muttered back as you slipped on your trainers. “Ready for practice?”

-

The practice hadn’t really been on your side. You had taken a tumble mid sprint and busted your head open. The medics had forced you to get a huge bandaid in the middle of your forehead. It looked awful, and gruelling. Later that same practice, you had managed to step on the ball during a drill and once again face planted into the grass. The last little slip up was when you got split into two team and Alexia had knocked your right out on your back causing you to black out for a hot second. This really wasnt your lucky day. You got into the wardrobe after practice and stayed behind to shower alone. The girls could get quite loud so you sometimes liked to stay behind. The hotel was in a walking distance to the arena, so it wouldn’t be an issue. After you came out of the shower, you bumped into Alexia.

“Oh, sorry” you said as you kept your head down low as you passed her. “What’s up with you today?” She asked with an attitude as she turned around to look at you. You stood towards the locker as you shrugged. “Nothing”. Alexia sighted as she crossed her arms. “I can tell that there is something going on. I know you Y/N better than anyone on the team.” Alexia said as you tried to get your clothes on as you felt your blood boil. You ignored her chucking your cleats into your bag with your dirty clothes. “Y/N, I know you can hear me! What’s going on with you today?” Alexia’s voice seemed to be a mix of annoyance and worry. You could hear her footsteps coming closer to you. It flipped for you when she touched your shoulder.

“Y/N. Come on, talk to me. You are my bestfriend. I love you and I won’t judge you.” she tried again. The emotions you were bearing felt like a kettle about to boil over. Like the moment when your acl snaps and the whole world goes quiet. Like before you take a penalty. Your heart was pounding in your chest. Your had gripped your bag so hard that it started to hurt your hands. Your breathing was becoming more and more heavy. You turned around to face Alexia.

“Y/N-“

“Really Alexia? Are you fucking dumb? You leave me hanging landing me with Claudia without giving me a heads up! You are an ASS at practice. You stop texting me, you stop partnering up with me, you stop being my best friend. You don’t give me any reason, any explanation. You throw 20 years in the trash within a heartbeat! And you tell me that you know me? That you love me? You clearly don’t fucking know or love me at all!”

“Y/N.. I-“

“Oh my god, Alexia. You really don’t know when to stop?! I’m such an idiot for loving you! I’m such an idiot for loving you more than I love myself, more than football, more than anything! You threw me away like I was nothing. And for what? For a fucking girl, Alexia! You don’t do that, people don’t do that to someone that has supported them for 20 years!”

Alexia’s eyes had tears in them. Her confusion was fogging her brain. She was longing for your touch, but she couldn’t tell you. She couldn’t tell you how Olga had picked a fight with her about you. How jealous Olga was. How she felt like she had to protect you from her own girlfriend. You couldn’t tell her how you were craving her touch. How you loved her first. How you had fallen in love with her before Olga was there. How you had liked her since you were teens. Maybe that was your way out of this situation, of this mess that had been made by you, Alexia and Olga.

“God Alexia, I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts. I have loved you for decades. I loved you before Olga did. I was in love with you, Alexia. For years! So please, leave me the fuck alone.”

You bolted towards the door of the wardrobe leaving Alexia stunned. You felt embarrassed, but you were hurt. As you stormed out of the room, you smacked the door shut while you paced out as fast as your legs could. You needed to get away from Alexia. And you didn’t care what you had to sacrifice for that to happen.

Things between Olga and Alexia weren’t how you had assumed they were. It wasn’t really “Olga and Alexia” anymore. But Alexia hadn’t told you yet. How they had broken up the day you left for the away game. She wanted to tell you in person, somewhere private. Where nobody could hear her other than you. Where she could pour out her real feelings to you. She wanted to tell you that nobody was worth risking your friendship. That you were her bestfriend. That no girl was ever gonna get to ruin your friendship. That you were her ride or die. But she couldn’t tell you, because you were long gone. Alexia didn’t know what to do or how to make things right; but she knew that she needed to make amends.

[percexe]

all rise for the president of weird girl nation miss rachel elizabeth dare

[localboobsenjoyer]

As an agent for the French secret services, you received many weird tasks over the years. This one was no different. The next major artistic gymnastics European tournament is in just 2 months, and the new Italian rising star seems unstoppable. Maria Bianchi is 19 years old, and she's highly favored to win the whole thing. Since the dawn of time, Italy and France have been rivals, and this tournament is no different. What is different is the method. I'm not required to kill her, but to seduce her. Then, once I have gained her trust, I just need to make her take this new experimental drug that will make her boobs grow by several cup sizes in a short time, ruining her balance and career. Since she is only 19, this sudden growth spurt will be weird, but definitely possible. Being a master in this field I complete the task in less than a week. The fact that this girl is under heavy pressure from both her family and her nation gave me a really easy time. Maybe too easy. Despite me ghosting her after the job was done she keep sending selfies about her sudden but welcomed growth since i mentioned many times how I like ample breasts (which is true actually). This end my report. I have attached some of the photos she sent as a further proof of my work.

[tototalks]

Just over halfway through King’s Rising and am eating up all this drama lol. Welcome back weird tension, I have missed you 👀

- And we resume with that poor Veretian boy being taken advantage of by Makedon’s troops. I’m glad Damen sorted that cruelty out. I’ve always liked Damen’s character for his sense of honour, but I LOVE the uncomfortable acknowledgement that he himself was complicit when it came to keeping and participating in the slave trade, and this is a lesson that he is coming to learn.

- Shoutout to Paschal just because. Keep being unproblematic, king.

- Nikandros is just like, so done. 😂 This man sees, knows, and acknowledges that his best friend will see a pretty blond red flag and is but a charging bull.

- The era of weird tension has truly begun again. Laurent is so so petty and I’m so so here for it - that “good boy” for Isander was not, in fact, for Isander.

- This has solidified my belief that we should start having messy fights in public again, because what I wouldn’t give to be some random nobility standing in a hall sipping a dacqueri while Barius Big Balls straight up asks the kings of two nations whether or not they’re fucking 💀

- Damen was an ‘Again! Again!’ kid and you cannot tell me otherwise, except he didn’t want you to read a nursery rhyme, he wanted a whole damn performance of the Akielon Iliad lol

- “Let’s fuck.” - Ah yes, that infamously makes everything better.

- The little girl saying Prince Damianos killed her family and ransacked her village? Ouch.

- The fight between Laurent and Damen was everything I wanted. They’re so well matched in such different ways. Damen is strong and steady, but unyielding, and Laurent is quick and sly, and relies on his wits. With his defeat, Laurent knows he wasn’t good enough to best Damen just as Auguste wasn’t good enough either. There was nothing he could have done.💔

- “I could have done this any time when I was a slave.” And they’re both so RIGHTEOUSLY mad about loving one another because they had no business falling in love, and yet they did. I’d be mad if the universe pulled that kind of bullshit on me too. Like wtf.

- Laurent watches Damen wrestle naked and suddenly the Akielon games are hosted in Vere this year 😏

- Nik: “You surely didn’t suck his dick?”

Damen: “… I might have sucked his dick.”

Nik: “I cannot defend you anymore.” HELP THIS MAN 😭

- Makedon has one drink with Laurent and is going around like yes hello, this is my new best friend!! He’s from Vere!! We’re going hunting actually!!

- The information that Laurent is a lightweight is valuable and precious, but the tonal shift from “I miss you” to “yes uncle” has me chewing on drywall and boiling my teeth. 🫠

- Love how Nik has given up trying to talk to Damen about Laurent, so he just does the equivalent of shoving a box of condoms at him and leaves 😂

- Well hello, Jokaste! 👀 Cannot wait for her to gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss her way around this.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 4

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

‘Does it bother you to think of him hurting your country?’ ‘You know it does. Are we playing now with the fate of nations? It won’t bring your brother back.’ There was a violent silence.

the girls are fightinggggg (love damen calling laurent on his misdirected bullshit)

‘You know, my uncle knew who you were,’ said Laurent. ‘He spent this whole time waiting for us to fuck. He wanted to tell me who you were himself, and watch it wreck me. Oh, had you guessed that? You just thought you’d fuck me anyway? Couldn’t help yourself?’

i’m sure it’s easier for laurent to entertain the notion that nothing damen did was real at all, and doing so also hurts damen, so two birds one stone

‘You said, “Kiss me”,’ said Laurent, each word enunciated clearly. ‘You said, “Laurent, I need to be inside you, you feel so good, Laurent,”’ He switched to Akielon, as Damen had, at the climax, ‘‘it’s never felt like this, I can’t hold on, I’m going to—’’

i did my complex analysis of laurent’s mean girl era last chapter. this is a good example of him just being a petty bitch for the reasons outlined in that analysis

‘Charcy,’ said Laurent, ‘was a distraction. I have it from Guion. My uncle sailed for Ios three days ago, and by now he has made landfall.’

and it worked, and laurent was too emotionally compromised to anticipate or prevent it. imagine laurent learning that, directly after being tortured. and now he’s dealing with this. Ls on Ls on Ls.

(or did he know? stuff he says later makes me think he might have, but then again, he also lies to damen a LOT in this scene)

‘I see. And my men are to die fighting him for you, the way that they did at Charcy?’

i mean the previous chapter already established that they both know laurent meant to be there, but if they’re doing cheap shots, i guess this works fine in a pinch

Laurent’s smile was not pleasant. ‘On that table is a list of supplies and troops. I will give it to you, in support of your campaign to the south.’ ‘In exchange for,’ said Damen, steadily. ‘Delpha,’ said Laurent in the same tone. He felt the shock that made him remember that this was Laurent, and not any other young man of twenty.

He had not come here prepared to negotiate. Laurent had. Laurent was here as the Prince of Vere facing the King of Akielos. Laurent had known who he was all along. The list, written in Laurent’s own hand, had been prepared before this meeting.

all true, but don’t underestimate the fact that laurent did NOT anticipate falling in love or actually trusting you as an ally

He said, ‘Did you plan this from the beginning?’

so "from the beginning" is complicated here. if i'm going to try to sort things out to the best of my ability, i think a good place to start is making a list of things laurent could NOT have expected at the beginning of the series, when he was presented with damen:

that damen would not immediately take any opportunity provided to him to escape captivity

that damen is a respectable and admirable person and invaluable strategic and military asset

that damen and laurent would fall in love (and even still now, i don't think laurent is letting himself believe damen really cares, and certainly isn't letting damen do the caring)

that the regent would try to assassinate his own nephew. laurent says in the text, at some point, that this was a genuine surprise, and that he didn't think his uncle would ever go that far

but, okay, even if laurent didn't expect the assassination attempt, or any of the other minor things in vere like the patras debacle, did he expect at some point to find himself and his men forced to do a military campaign? he must have, which is why he started the correspondence with delpha. i suppose he could have planned to do that from vere, too, and just adjusted things when he was forced to travel. and nothing that laurent failed to expect directly got in the way of the foundation of his plan, if his objective was to obtain delpha and make enough allies that together they can take down the regent.

so to answer damen's question, yes! laurent planned this specific long-term objective (taking delpha, getting kastor and the regent in ios, methodically turning a faction of powerful akielions against kastor and gaining the support of vask and patras) from the beginning. because he recognized damen the moment he saw him, laurent could immediately put together that kastor is allied with the regent, who would totally come up with something like this to torture laurent. and so laurent put his mental energy into planning a way to gain enough political and military power to defeat both kastor and the regent, and further manipulate them into being so confident that they would have no time to retaliate when the people laurent enlisted attacked them. i don't think laurent gave a shit if kastor lived or died, or stayed on the throne, as long as the regent was defeated, but it made sense for kastor to be a priority as well since the alliance between kastor and the regent makes the regent more powerful.

and, to be generous to laurent, none of this really has anything to do with damen. like none of it is designed to punish him, it doesn't even really involve him. it's another instance of laurent just living in a different genre from the start. damen's pov has been so fixed on his relationship and interactions with laurent, but there's been so much more happening that we just haven't seen. and laurent, i think we can assume, is and has always been deeply focused on things other than their relationship.

but even now, this plan doesn't do damen direct harm. the most harm it does is make things awkward with nikandros, and make damen feel bad about the regent being in his own country (which was probably going to happen anyway). but still, damen is super pissed. he doesn't realize or admit it, but i almost think the fact that laurent always had this plan makes him a little insecure. like, to realize that he hasn't been as important or useful to laurent as he previously assumed. on top of all the other stuff pissing him off about the situation, he's also jealous of an abstract plan, because it's had laurent's attention from the start, and right now laurent is choosing that plan over their friendship/relationship. a kingdom, or this.

laurent doesn't want to deal with "this," and honestly has some pretty pressing matters beyond "this" to handle, so he's chosen "a kingdom." even if damen's heart is still stuck with "this," he'll have to follow laurent's lead and focus on "a kingdom" too. i'm sure they'll both do a perfectly professional and functional job of this, and it won't make things inconvenient or uncomfortable for any of their allies at all.

‘The hard part was getting Guion to let me into his fort.’ Laurent said it steadily, the private edge to his voice a little more private than usual.

do they ever talk about it? like does laurent ever tell damen what happened in the cell?

also i like how damen doesn’t take this as like flippant and arrogant, as he would have in book 1. he immediately clocks that laurent is hiding something and just deflecting.

Damen said, ‘In the palace you had me beaten, drugged, whipped. And you ask me to give up Delpha? Why don’t you tell me instead why I shouldn’t simply hand you over to your uncle, in exchange for his aid against Kastor?’

like you ever would.

‘Because I knew who you were,’ said Laurent, ‘and when you killed Touars and humiliated my uncle’s faction, I sent the news of it echoing to every corner of my country. So that if you ever crawled back onto your throne there would be no possibility of an alliance between you and my uncle.

good failsafe, laurent didn’t know he wouldn’t need it. although i’m sure it’s both vindicating and hurting laurent to hear damen threaten this, making the failsafe necessary, even if we know that damen’s heart isn’t in it.

'Do you want to play this game against me? I will take you apart.’

this is all very complicated and unnecessary and frustrating to damen, but it's laurent's area of expertise. this kind of emotionally evasive manipulative political negotiation makes him feel empowered. the approach laurent takes in this scene is almost certainly a way for him to cope with the things in his life that feel uncontrollable and uncomfortable, by doing something familiar that he knows he can control.

‘Take me apart?’ Damen said deliberately. ‘If I opposed you, the remaining scrap of land you hold would have a different enemy on each side, and your efforts would be split in three directions.’ ‘Believe me,’ said Laurent, ‘when I say that you would have my undivided attention.’

this is soooo amy dunne of him

Damen let his eyes pass over Laurent slowly, where he stood. ‘You’re alone. You don’t have allies. You don’t have friends. You’ve proven true everything your uncle ever said about you. You made deals with Akielos. You even bedded an Akielon—and by now, everyone knows it. You’re clinging to independence with a single fort and the tatters of a reputation.’ He gave every word its weight. ‘So let me tell you the terms of this alliance. You will give me everything on this list, and in return I will aid you against your uncle. Delpha remains with Akielos. Let’s not pretend you have anything here worth a bargain.’

damen honey i’m so sorry but you cannot win this one. especially when you yourself would probably lay down your life on instinct for laurent if someone randomly came into this tent and tried to kill him

‘Please,’ said Laurent, ‘insult me further. Tell me more about my tattered reputation. Tell me all the ways that bending over for you has damaged my position. As if being fucked into the mattress by the King of Akielos could be anything other than demeaning. I am dying to hear it.’

and somehow laurent still manages to turn even his own shitty decisions back on damen, implying that even if laurent owned up to being fucked by damen, it couldn’t be anything other than demeaning, and damen is a fool for considering it to be genuine lovemaking

‘Did you think,’ said Laurent, ‘that I would come here without the means to enforce my terms? I hold the only proof of Kastor’s treachery that extends beyond your word.’ ‘My word is enough to the men that matter.’ ‘Is it? Then by all means, reject my offer. I will execute Guion for treason and hold the letter over the nearest candle.’

cunt (affectionate)

‘Are we going to play another kind of pretend?’ Damen said. ‘That it never happened?’

and in this game of pretend, damen doesn’t get to hand-feed a pretty blonde named laurent >:(

‘If you are concerned it will go unmentioned between us, never fear. Every man in my camp knows that you served me in bed.’

“you served me” GOD laurent you are such a bitch

And that is how it is to be between us?’ said Damen. ‘Mercenary? Cold?’

if laurent was normal, there are plenty of reassuring things he could tell damen to explain that they can do this together, and ios will be okay, and they're in a good position to win as a team. but since he's being a salty little bitch, he's not going to do any of that, and he's going to make damen feel extra bad by using their romantic history against him. and despite all of these slights against him, damen knows that he has no choice but to give laurent delpha and ally himself with laurent's cause. because laurent really has planned this from the beginning. sure, current damen probably still would have done all that if laurent had just asked, but book 1 laurent had no idea of anticipating their allyship, and book 3 laurent is intentionally trying to push him away.

‘How did you think it would be?’ said Laurent. ‘You’d take me to your bed for the public consummation?’ It hurt.

this is a brutal scene for damen, even if i understand laurent’s headspace. i’m sorry buddy, breakups are no fun.

actually, do you think damen has ever experienced a breakup? he’s a prince who grew up with a harem of sex slaves. jokaste just kind of did whatever she wanted and damen was chill with it. so probably not.

It was too neat. He hadn’t thought as far as Kastor’s defeat, or who would become kyros in Ios, the traditional seat of the King’s closest adviser. Nikandros was the ideal candidate.

not laurent doing damen’s job for him…

‘I see you’ve thought of everything,’ said Damen, bitterly. ‘It didn’t have to be—you could have come to me, and asked for my help, I would have—’ ‘Killed the rest of my family?’

i mean, laurent definitely wants the regent dead. i think this is just a dig about auguste, and furthermore about damen not telling laurent the truth at any point.

also, damen straight-up admitting that he would have helped damen is something laurent would have needed a gun to his head to say out loud, and there aren’t even guns in this world. i said this in a note last chapter, but laurent assumes that damen is just as terrified of attachment and vulnerability as he (laurent) is, but we see that damen is willing to swear attachment and make himself vulnerable in order to support laurent and build trust. laurent is just denying that aspect of damen, because he’s traumatized and stubborn and doesn’t want to be let down.

Thickly, Damen remembered running his sword through the man he’d believed was the Regent; as if killing the Regent would be his expiation. It wouldn’t.

that explains why damen acted how he did in battle. but he also knows, in the reality of this moment, that it wouldn’t have made up for auguste even if he had killed the regent. killing a member of laurent’s family isn’t going to make up for the fact that he killed a member of his family.

He thought of all Laurent had done here, every piece of impersonal leverage, to control this meeting, to ensure it played out on his terms. ‘Congratulations,’ said Damen. ‘You’ve forced my hand. You have what you want. Delpha, in exchange for your aid in the south. Nothing given freely, nothing done out of feeling, everything coerced, with bloodless planning.’

this is almost laurentian, in terms of dialogue. very poetic and theatrical. damen is not handling this breakup well, and it’s almost like he’s defensively taking on some of laurent’s overdramatic bitchiness. it’s a reaction from him we haven’t really seen since book 1.

this dialogue also feels slightly anachronistic, in a good way. with some minor editing it could be a believable text that modern au damen would send after laurent breaks up with him in a formal email even though they still have to work on an assignment together. i think it's the "nothing given freely, nothing done out of feeling, everything coerced, with bloodless planning" that really gives off the vibe of an emotionally compromised teenager trying to cope with the fact that they still have to see their ex in english class.

‘Good,’ said Laurent. He took a step back. Then, as if a pillar of control had finally collapsed, Laurent surrendered his full weight to the table behind him, his face drained of all colour. He was trembling, his hairline pricked with the sweat of injury. He said: ‘Now get out.’

laurent: i won. get out. also laurent:

Laurent had known who he was, and had still made love to him. He wondered what mix of yearning and self-delusion had allowed Laurent to do that.

may i interest you in the “sam reads capri” tag on my tumblr blog, damen?

also i just think “he wondered what mix of yearning and self-delusion has allowed laurent to do that” is a BANGER line. maybe one of my favorites in the series. astute, bewildered, devastating (sad), and devastating (scathing) all at once.

If he’d imagined it, it was as a single, cataclysmic event, an unmasking that, whatever followed, would be over. Violence would have been both punishment and release. He had never imagined that it would instead go on and on; that the truth had been known; that it had been painfully absorbed; that it would be this crushing pressure that wouldn’t leave his chest.

damen always thought that he would be the one to rip off the bandaid for them both, so the entire time he has been saving them the pain by waiting. but now he knows that laurent never had a bandaid, and he (damen) has been left to slowly and painfully pry off his own. the pain isn’t over, it’s just beginning. and laurent has felt it this entire time, in a way damen put off for himself.

Laurent had tamped down the smothered emotion in his eyes, and would endure an alliance with his brother’s killer, though he felt nothing but aversion. If he could do it, Damen could do it. He could make impersonal negotiations, speak in the formal language of kings.

(also wow do i want to tell damen that laurent isn’t averse to him, he’s just lashing out, and badly needs someone to show him love and support at this time. but as always, oh fuck, he can’t hear me. and to be fair, it isn’t really in-character for damen to just passively accept poor treatment, or to force laurent to accept his support when he’s been told to go away.)

The ache of loss didn’t make sense, because Laurent had never been his. He had known that. The delicate thing that had grown between them had never had a right to exist.

and yet it did exist, and it does exist, and it will exist, and that’s why we’re reading about it.

damen and laurent both feel like they have a right to their kingdom’s thrones as princes, but they don’t have the right to simply be people in love. again, a kingdom or this. the themes are theming.

If it hurt, it was fitting; it was simply kingship.

what did i just say??? THE THEMES ARE THEMING!!!

If he could give Laurent up, he could do this.

stoppp can someone get him a pint of ice cream and an olivia rodrigo album (should i make lamen divorce era playlists. like one for each of them.)

Damen remembered hoping for a homecoming where it could be between them as it was in the old days. As if friendship of that kind could survive statesmanship.

damen’s being soooo broody about the ways kingship nerfs his social and romantic life, omg. it’s a hint of his immaturity and relative youth to other people in power, and his difference in jadedness and trauma compared to laurent. he is still lowkey a frat guy who wants to party, even though he cares about his schoolwork and future prospects

‘He’s playing us against each other,’ said Nikandros. ‘This is calculated. He is trying to weaken you.’ Damen said, ‘I know. It’s like him.’

"yes, honey..."

nikandros private twitter venting moment #4. especially considering damen’s response

‘He left us at Charcy.’ ‘There was a reason for that.’ ‘But I am not to know it.’

damen doesn’t really know the reason, but he can assure nik, there was a reason. nikandros private twitter venting moment #5.

It was not worth Delpha. He could see that Nikandros knew it, as Damen had known it. ‘I would make this easier,’ said Damen, ‘if I could.’ Silence, while Nikandros kept his words in check.

nikandros private twitter moment #6. this time he just posts a blurry picture of laurent’s offer and captions it with “🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬”

‘The men will talk,’ said Nikandros. He was pushing the words out with distaste, he did not want to say, ‘About—’ Damen said, ‘No.’ And then, as though Nikandros couldn’t help the words that came out next, ‘If you would at least take off the cuff—’ ‘No. It stays.’ He refused to lower his eyes.

kind of curious why, in this moment, damen is so determined about this. he’s had reasons in the past, but it would be cool to get some current insight, if it’s not just an instinctual thing

Nikandros turned away and put his palms flat on the table, resting his weight there. Damen could see the resistance in Nikandros’s shoulders, bunched across his back, his palms still flat on the table.

nikandros private twitter moment #7. he just posts this meme with no further elaboration:

Into the painful silence, Damen said, ‘And you? Will I lose you?’ It was all he allowed himself. It came out in a steady enough voice, and he made himself wait, and say nothing more.

AWWW poor baby :( no like fr damen :(((( it’s going to be okay

As though the words were coming up from the depths of him, against his will, Nikandros said, ‘I want Ios.’ Damen let out a breath. Laurent, he realised suddenly, wasn’t playing them against one another. He was playing to Nikandros. There was a dangerous expertise in all of this; in knowing how far Nikandros’s loyalty might be stretched, and what would keep it from snapping. Laurent’s presence in the room was almost tangible.

i think this was more an unintended outcome of the plan, but i’m sure mean girl era laurent would be pleased to know that his actions inadvertently incentivized damen’s best friend to declare himself loyal to his ex (laurent) instead

‘Listen to me, Damianos. If you have ever valued my counsel, listen. He is not on our side. He is Veretian, and he’ll be bringing an army into our country.’ ‘To fight his uncle. Not to fight us.’ ‘If someone kills your family you don’t rest until they are dead.’

i know this is nikandros trying to convince damen that laurent isn’t just going to let go of what damen did to auguste, and can’t be trusted as an ally. but it also makes nikandros accidentally sound like a book 1 laurent apologist, by making the statement with “you” as if it’s a universal maxim. like, if nik was in laurent’s shoes, he would have wanted damen tortured and dead too. nik is an interesting guy, because he's a little more aggressive with his principles unprovoked than damen, but he’s also similarly limited in perspective due to his status and lack of humbling experiences. i’ll try to do more complex analysis in addition to memeing on him, if/when opportunities arise

Nikandros was shaking his head. ‘Or do you really think he’s forgiven you for killing his brother?’ ‘No. He hates me for it.’ He said it steadily, without flinching. ‘But he hates his uncle more. He needs us. And we need him.’

damen going full ant with a bindle :(((

‘You need him enough that you would strip me of my home, because he asked you to?’ ‘Yes,’ said Damen.

nik private twitter vent #8. this time he literally just tweets a single “.”

The men came to attention as he passed, and said only, ‘Exalted,’ if he spoke. It was not like sitting around a campfire swilling wine, exchanging low tales and ribald speculations.

he should be at the club

Jord and the other Veretians from Ravenel had been sent back to Laurent to rejoin his army in the extravagant tents at Fortaine.

jord and the others standing awkwardly nearby laurent’s tent, trying to ignore the muffled adele ballad playing within

Alone, he didn’t have to be King.

i can’t believe that damen, groomed from birth for eventual kingship, now resents that kingship almost exclusively because it means he can’t be boyfriends with laurent. blonde man brainrot

He wasn’t alone. She was naked, at the base of the stark pallet, her full breasts hanging downwards, her forehead to the floor. She didn’t have palace training, and so could not quite disguise the fact that she was nervous. Her fair hair was caught back from her face in a fragile clasp, a northern custom. She was perhaps nineteen or twenty, her body trained and ready for him. She had prepared a bath in an unadorned wooden tub, so that if he pleased he might make use of it; or of her.

the way this is written, especially in the context of the series so far, makes this hard to read as anything other than revolting. i think this is due to a few craft elements:

the clinical description, lacking sensuality entirely

damen relating the things he’s observing to the aspects of the institution that he understands (she wasn’t trained in the palace = slaves are trained to do this. she was placed here for him to use = she didn’t show up here because she wanted to be here, or even knew him at all, or wanted pleasure of her own). unlike his past self, who passively understood the institution but chose not to think too hard about what it implied, the mental connections damen has made through being a slave himself prevent him from regarding this slave with the same thoughtlessness

damen's observations portray the anxiety and vulnerability of the slave, rather than willingness or submission. in book 1 we have a lot of moments where damen thinks of slaves as lovely, sweet, aimless non-people, almost like they're lobotomized. he regards them in a way that's both condescending and unconcerned for their free will, because they don't want or need free will, because they're slaves. his issue with the mistreatment of the akielion slaves in vere wasn't with their enslavement itself; it was with the cruelty of their masters, non-slaves who have free will and therefore should use it honorably. at the time, he truly believed that, as long as a master is kind, a slave has no reason to feel anxious or vulnerable or afraid, because there is honor in a slave's submission. if book 1 damen noticed that a slave was nervous, he would have found it adorable and charming, and would have taken it as an invitation to prove himself a caring master. but that doesn't even cross his mind here, while noticing this slave's nervousness in book 3.

another interesting craft detail: a sort of parallelism in the last part. damen notices that the bath, an object, has been prepared for him—just as the slave, a person, has been prepared for him. he groups them together, in that their same designated function is to be used: "he could make use of it; or of her." and that's where he stops the description altogether, because i don't think he feels comfortable with what that similarity between person and object implies.

it's easy to simply tell a reader that a character has evolved. if this story was written by a different author, there might have just been a moment where damen said out loud, "actually i've realized that slavery is bad," while the topic was otherwise avoided beyond its relevance to the story.

it's much harder to show, consistently throughout the story, exactly how that evolution has occurred, and the difference in damen's perspective compared to how he'd thought about slavery at the start. well done, pacat.

He had known that there were slaves with Nikandros’s army, following behind with the carts and the supplies. He had known that when he returned to Akielos there would be slaves.

… but seeing it in person is still viscerally uncomfortable

‘Get up,’ he heard himself say, awkwardly, a wrong order for a slave. There was a time when he would have expected this, and known how to behave around it. He would have appreciated the charm of her rustic northern skills, and bedded her, if not tonight then certainly in the morning. Nikandros knew him, and she was his type. She was Nikandros’s best, that was evident; a slave from his personal retinue, perhaps even his favourite, because Damen was his guest and his King. She got up. He didn’t speak. She had a collar around her neck, and metal cuffs around her small wrists that were like the one that he— ‘Exalted,’ she said, quietly. ‘What is wrong?’ He let out a strange, unsteady breath. He realised that his breathing had been unsteady for some time, that his flesh was unsteady. That the silence had been stretching out between them too long. ‘No slaves,’ said Damen. ‘Tell the Keeper. Send no one else. For the length of the campaign I will be dressed by an adjutant, or a squire.’

see my previous comment. this is really well-done, especially the panic attack-esque reaction and ptsd trigger. i made a comment a WHILE ago about the way both damen and laurent have ptsd in this series, but it manifests differently due to their proximity to their own traumas. laurent’s trauma was prolonged but a few years in the past; he’s had a lot of time to learn how to cope with it since. but damen’s trauma began when the story began, and it’s been intense and unrelenting basically the whole time: his father’s death, kastor and jokaste’s betrayal, his enslavement, his time in arles, his loss of identity by laurent’s side, and his forced return to his royal identity and obligations. that’s a lot of shit to unpack, and most of it is still happening. it's raw, and damen has had no time to process. nor has he received comfort, or even acknowledgement of what's happened to him as the trauma it is.

"he realised that his breathing had been unsteady for some time." this is a person experiencing a ptsd trigger for what might be the very first time, realizing as it happens just how quickly and thoroughly trauma can disorient his mental, physical, and emotional awareness and self-control. there is the complex intellectual development i discussed in the previous comment re: damen's feelings about slavery, but it's also this visceral gut reaction that tells damen and the reader that things will never be the same.

‘Wait.’ He couldn’t send her naked through the camp. ‘Here,’ he unpinned his cloak, and whirled it around her shoulders. He felt the wrongness of it, pushing against every protocol. ‘The guard will escort you back.’

he felt the wrongness of doing the right thing, but he still did it anyway. i think that is a big moment for damen, especially relating to akielion slavery.

i know i talk a lot about laurent in these notes, because i love laurent very much. but i also love damen, and i’m glad that he is our narrator. his pov is a big reason why these books work, in their chosen genre, at all. and i do think that this genre was a choice—laurent may be living a gritty psychological thriller, but a big theme of the series as a whole is that laurent was sweet in the past, and has the right to a life where he can be sweet again. but laurent, as we meet him at the start of these books, is heartless by choice. damen is many things, but he is never heartless. and whatever genre these books are, i think they're deeply defined by the fact that they're written with heart. they are not cynical, and they are not jaded. that's why damen, and not laurent, is our narrator. laurent's cynicism and jadedness are a foil to damen's idealism and trusting/forgiving nature. while damen does have some things to learn from laurent about strategy and cultural misconceptions, the ethos of the series matches damen's emotional and philosophical outlook far more than laurent's. ultimately, damen's heart helps laurent reclaim his sweetness, and become a better ruler and happier person. damen's heart is also what leads damen himself to reform akielion slavery, unite his kingdom with vere, and step out from his father's shadow. this is, at the end of the day, damen's story. and i don't think it would be the same story, with the same meaning or heart, if it was told by anyone else.

which, regarding meaning—in addition to the individual chapters, i do want to start thinking more about some of the more overarching things going on with capri. so i might as well start now. and if i had to start formulating an overall series thesis at this point in the re-read, i think it would have something to do with the concepts of submission and captivity.

captivity and submission both imply, in our common perception, a coerced and degrading loss of free will. and we certainly see that, in the way damen and laurent have both been held captive and degraded throughout their stories. we also see how, despite being victims themselves, they both have used captivity and submission to coerce and degrade others (laurent coerces and degrades damen to avenge his brother) and deny them free will (damen is complicit in the institution of akielion slavery, which denies slaves free will). for a lot of the series, damen and laurent are in constant disagreement about which of them is morally worse—damen thinks laurent is worse because of the coercion and degradation, laurent thinks damen is worse, and therefore deserves the coercion and degradation, because damen is complicit in akielion slavery and killed his brother. but we as the reader start to realize, as the series goes on, that they're both right about some things, both wrong about other things, both hypocrites on occasion, both doing harm, both trying to help, both captors, and both captives.

from this, it would make sense to assume that captivity and submission are the problem here, and the story's thesis is that those concepts are always dishonorable. however, i don't think that's the point at all. i think capri is about the ways captivity and submission can be honorable, if actively chosen with the moral responsibility, complex thought, and emotional depth of a person with free will. after all, what are loyalty and integrity, if not freely-chosen emotional and intellectual captivity? what are vulnerability and attachment, if not physical and emotional submission freely given?

damen and laurent are both complicated people who do dishonorable things. however, in their own respective arcs and in their shared romantic plotline, they both come to understand the multifaceted nature of captivity and submission, and reclaim those concepts as sources of empowerment, healing, and positive change. it's the difference between damen being forced to submit to laurent as a slave in arles in book 1, and damen choosing to stay by laurent's side in book 2 as a man. it's the difference between laurent submitting to his uncle, being manipulated into vulnerability so he can degraded and abused, and submitting to damen, making himself vulnerable despite his trauma so he can be truly loved and cared for.

this isn't a fully formed thesis yet, but it's good to at least get it cooking. and i'm not trying to guess the author's intention as much as summarize my own succinct interpretation. there isn't, like, One Right Answer here, and i'm not setting out to read the author's mind.

but still, i dunno, man… i think i'm onto something. after all, we have these major arcs about damen realizing slavery is wrong and laurent struggling with submission, and yet both of them proudly choose to keep the cuffs. and in a more metatextual sense, the evolution of this story's genre and purpose (slavekink erotica -> whatever the fuck these books are) is not irrelevant. so i'll keep an eye on it, and hopefully come up with something solid by the end of the re-read. i unironically love the challenge of writing a succinct thesis, which is not the nerdiest thing i've ever said, but it's definitely in the top 5.

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

The way the Romans thought about Christians is so funny to me cause it's like... well the way I've phrased it is that the Christianoi are Death Cult Hippies basically.

Atheists? Unclear.

Incestuous. They're brothers and sisters but the kiss each other all. the. time. IN PUBLIC!? Imagine what happens at night...

Early on Sunday Mornings and late at nights they rise together to hold "Love Feasts" aka Orgies, Cannibalism (of their god???)

Won't stop talking about torture devices. They have this weird magic ritual called "the Sign of the Cross"

Super into death (initiates must go into Death and come back out alive) and zombies (their god is a zombie? they wish to be zombies?)

Always hanging around cemeteries and tombs. They hold religious worship at gravesites and catacombs, writing on the walls for the dead to pray for them (??). So creepy.

Always. Singing. Also some of them speak in weird languages

Despite the constant singing they are very anti-social. Anti-music, anti-theatre, anti-schooling (??), heck, lots of them won't even wear jewelry or perfume or cosmetics!

They keep taking trash (i.e. infants, esp girls and deformed boys, that were left out to die) and raising them as children

Pacifist? Communist?? Anarchist??? Seriously like they won't serve in the military, won't serve in public office (insisting rather to "pray" for the nation to their god. For it's peace or it's fall, who knows?), the part of the cult in Jerusalem lives in common. By refusing to worship the gods they are in defiance against the cultural and political character and the very nature of Rome itself.

Their god is born of... a virgin?? And she consented!? And then their god died... the death of a slave... intentionally!?!?!

Religion of Women and Slaves. Like seriously. They are farrrrr too inclusive. Multi-ethnic, heterogenity, way to much focus on women's roles, disregard for social classes, etc. Also why do so many slaves (the basis of our economy) convert to this religion???

On one hand, obviously, never persecute anyone. Even if they are a dangerous hippie death cult. But also... like my religion sounds like a hippie death cult! I can completely understand. If i was a roman, I'd want these people killed too lol. These people clearly CLEARLY are "the cause of every public disaster, of every affliction with which the people are visited. If the Tiber rises as high as the city walls, if the Nile does not send its waters up over the fields, if the heavens give no rain, if there is an earthquake, if there is famine or pestilence, straightway the cry is, 'Away with the Christians to the lions!"

So... yeah. The Christians were goth and everyone knows the Romans hate Goths lol

[tatsumessy]

Love at first sight - (rin itoshi)

Nagi: come to the game you won’t regret it, and afterwards you can meet the team

you: fine, don’t expect me to like it.

Nagi, your childhood bestfriend (since birth) who you were friends with before Reo. Which was weird, Nagi is a lazy successful bastard who started taking orders from a rich kid who wanted to go against his parents wishes. They became best friends and after they left for blue lock and came back Nagi was different. More determined, independent, he wanted to do things for himself. Because you two are so close you considered each other like brother and sister what helped more was that both of your parents were bestfriend so you basically were siblings.

Once he became a famous soccer player for the national team you stuck to being a business owner. You ran a flower company with my franchises around the country soon hoping to expand further.

Getting ready for the game you didn’t want to seem like one of Nagi’s fan girls and wear his jersey so you opted to wear a long ankle length fitted skirt with a long sleeve crop top pairing it with light green sneakers. It wasn’t a normal outfit anyone would wear to a soccer game but this wasn’t your style so you just wore what you’d wear on a normal work day.

~

With your bag hanging off your arm and shades in place you watched Nagi and his team win the game with ease which didn’t surprise you. Every morning while setting up for the day you would read all the news headlines and they never seemed to stay out of the spot light with their amazing talent. Especially one player. Itoshi Rin. He was an all star who shine remarkably amongst his team of also remarkable players.

Standing up you were starting to walk down the steps leading to the main platform before heading down the tunnel when your phone buzzed twice.

Nagi: come to the team tunnel

Nagi: instead of taking a right, take a left. Simple enough for you to find.

Mentally cursing yourself you forgot that he wanted to meet so you did what he said and the first room you found you knocked on it, waiting for your lazy brother to step out but instead it was his teammate. Itoshi Rin.

Man was he good looking, the small beads of sweat dripping down his forehead all the way to his chin. His messy damp hair due to the sweat glued to his forehead while his teal eyes stared at your figure waiting for you to speak. “Do I need to call security?” He spoke up and your face started to heat up, not only were you embarrassed but his voice was so smooth and sexy. It fit him to a T and you would openly admit that.

“I’m looking for my brother. Nagi Seishiro.” You spoke up keeping your gaze low, you didn’t want him to see the rising blush on your cheeks. The door suddenly slammed shut causing you to flinch making your sunglasses that were sitting on the top of your head fall onto your nose.

A few more minutes passed and you were going to walk away but then the door swung open and Nagi popped out with his whole team behind him. “Y/N!” Someone shouted from behind Nagi immediately engulfing you in a big hug. “Reo, good to see you.” You said awkwardly pushing him away once feeling his sweaty hair touch the side of your face.

“Guys this is Nagi’s sister, Y/n.” Reo introduced knowing Nagi wasn’t going too, you smiled waving your hand towards everyone. They all introduced themselves and as time passed you could feel someone staring at you. Looking to find the culprit you were met with those same real eyes that bore holes into you just thirty minutes ago.

“We were all going out to eat so celebrate the win, wanna come?” Nagi asked throwing his arm over your shoulder, you accepted and all of you walked out of the stadium going to separate cars. Nagi following you obviously because he hates driving knowing someone better can offer up to drive. What a lazy sob.

Arriving last to the restaurant there were only two seats left and Nagi took the one next to Isagi leaving the last seat next to Rin. “You don’t act like Nagi.” Rin spoke up grabbing your attention, you smiled at the familiar statement. “We’re not actually related. Bestfriends. But because our moms are really close and planned our births days apart we’re basically siblings.” You looked over at Nagi who seemed to be enjoying himself in the presence of his friends.

“I’ve never seen someone wear a skirt to a soccer game before.” He again spoke this time embarrassing you even more, “I-I’ve never been to a soccer game before. This was my first time, I didn’t know what to wear and I definitely wasn’t going to wear Nagi’s stupid uniform.” You responded stuffing a piece of bread in your mouth. “You could’ve worn mine.” He retaliated looking down at you.

Swallowing the piece quickly trying not to choke you covered your mouth trying to respond, “What? I wasn’t going to wear some random players jersey number.” “I’m not random anymore. So next time wear my number, it’ll be better soccer attire. Not that I’m complaining with what you’re wearing right now.” There it is. The way his eyes ran up and down your body and the way they looked into your eyes devouring what dignity you had.

Your have lit up once again for the third time in the time span of two hours because he said you looked good. Any guy could come up to you and tell you that you look good but when it comes from Rin why is it making your stomach do backflips? Why is he making you smile the way that you are.

The two of you talked for a little while about random things getting to know each other a little better when your phone started to ring. “Excuse me.” You spoke standing up and heading outside to take the call in private.

It was your assistant calling to transfer you to another phone call. This call was with a foreign investor who wanted to invest in your company, in order for this plan to be set in motion you need to travel to the states which wasn’t a big deal for you. “Right. I will see you tomorrow. Thank you.” Hanging up the phone you excitedly did a little victory run in place before heading back inside to grab your things.

Rin looked up at you curiosity filling him as you looked back at him figuring out what to say. You leaned down next to his ear and whispered, “Thank you for the company.” Without anyone noticing you placed a small kiss on his cheek and walked over to Nagi.

“I’m leaving. Go home with Reo.” You kissed the top of his head and left the restaurant mentally regretting not asking Rin for his number.

Unknown: Rude of you to leave without a proper goodbye.

You looked at your phone wondering who could be texting you especially with such a cryptic message like that.

You: Who is this?

Unknown: Rin Itoshi.

Dropping your phone on your bed you stared at the message wondering how he got your number in the first place while also trying to figure out what you were going to say back to him.

Your heart was pounding against your rib cage as you picked up your phone fingers froze over the keypad waiting for your mind to give you the right words to say.

You: What we’re you expecting?

Rin: Idk a kiss maybe 🤔

You: So a kiss on the cheek wasn’t enough?

Rin: It was pretty lukewarm.

You laughed at his comment quickly replying back then throwing your phone on the night stand and pulling your laptop back on your lap to continue working.

~

“Building a faction in the states is a lot of work Nagi. What do you expect me to do, drop everything because my whiny brother misses me?” You spoke standing in the mirro while holding the phone up to your ear so that you could look to see if you looked okay. “It’s been four years Y/n. You gave me a shitty goodbye and you still haven’t come back.” He whined again for the fifth time over the phone. You laughed walking over to the bed to sit down so that you could strap on your heels. “Trust me, after the ribbon cutting and signing event tonight I’ll be coming home last next week. Don’t you have a game? Focus on that.” You responded picking up your binder alongside your bag with your keys.

You finally ended the call with Nagi turning to be met with the half naked figure lying in your hotel bed. Grabbing the pillow you threw it at his face causing him to sit up slightly annoyed. “I’m pressing charges.” He spoke forcing an exaggerated laugh to fall from your chapped lips. “You.” Pointing your finger in his direction, “Go home. Just like I told that punk over the phone. You have a game.” Rin rolled his eyes sitting up slowly while stretching his arms to wake himself up.

“Where are you going?” He asked watching you move around the room to make sure you had everything, “Meetings all day. I’m not joking, by the time I come back you better be gone.” He gave you an annoyed sigh as he sat the staring down at the sheets waiting for a sign telling him to get out the bed and start packing his stuff. Before leaving you walked over to him and placed a kiss on his cheek ready to leave then but he stopped you.

“Remember last time you left with just giving me a kiss on the cheek?” He said stopping you again in your tracks, “yeah I ended up in a long term relationship. What’s next marriage?” “Maybe.” You laughed and gave him a quick kiss and the lips and left the room locking it behind you.

After a couple weeks of you being gone Rin randomly texted you out of no where and openly pursued you. Even though on tv or whatever it never looked like something he would do but it most definitely is. He straight up told you during a phone call one night that the moment he laid eyes on you and you lack of soccer attire he was hooked.

After a year of just texting and calling with occasional facetimes he decided that he needed to see you. He showed up at your hotel and the two of you spend the most romantic and amazing night together, end ended with his asking you to be his girlfriend and you obviously accepted.

You had awesome staff back in Japan so you never needed a reason to go back especially because your boyfriend was so willing to come and see you anytime he felt like it. Next thing you know four years have gone by and the hard work you had put into this project is finally complete in five different states.

It was finally time for you to come home and the day you were coming back there was a game going on and Rin made sure that whenever you came back you had a jersey to wear. His jersey, like his actual game jersey. You paired it with some jeans and some matching Jordan’s actuall somewhere fitting soccer attire.

The moment you sat down in the seat with your assistant sitting next to you the players walked out and as you were admiring your boyfriend from afar, he suddenly wasn’t so far and was standing right infront of you. Well not infront but right on the field in your general direction, he beckoned for you with his eyes and you obliged standing up and walked over with your arms folded across your chest due to the cool windy air blowing on you.

You stood behind the railing waiting for him to speak but instead he jumped up hoisting himself up to where he was face to face with you then planted a long gentle kiss right on your lips. Everyone in the crowd gasped and screamed in shock, joy, excitement, whatever emotion high intense soccer fans have whenever a cold hearted player like Rin Itoshi kisses some random girl infront of thousands.

He pulls away and jumps down shouting something while running away, “Thanks for my good luck kiss.” You started walking back to your seat trying to ignore the glaring stares of the people behind you. “You’re dating THE ITOSHI RIN???” Your assistant asked covering her mouth out of excitement. Letting out a huge sigh you rolled your eyes and crossed one leg over the other while crossing your arms and straightening your back. “Sadly.” You stared at the field watching the players warm up ready for the game as your face heated up in excitement.

The game obviously ended with their team winning and as you and your assistant stood up walking down the tunnel towards the exit you heard someone calling your name but chose to ignore it because it would be weird for someone to be calling your name at a soccer game. You had kept walking scrolling through your phone stopping when you noticed an article with a picture of Rin kissing you.

“Ms. L/N, there’s someone calling for you.” You hummed at her statement briefly scanning the article some more. Your steps started moving forward once again until you were forcefully grabbed by your waist being flushed against someone’s chest. “I hate when you ignore me.” Rin spoke wrapping his arm around your waist.

“Rinnie, sorry. I was looking at something.” You smiled putting your phone in your tote bag, he glanced right at said bag but chose to ignore it. “I didn’t know you were coming back today. Did it slip your mind to tell me?” He spoke walking beside you and your assistant towards the exit, “Y/N!!” You flinched hearing the oh so familiar voice call your name. Nagi walked over pulling you into a tight hug smiling brightly at your presence.

“You came back.” “I told you I was coming back.” He scoffed pulling you towards the exit leaving your boyfriend and assistant behind. “Nagi, my assistant and Rin. We’re leaving them behind.” “See, when did that start?” You looked at him confused knowing damn well you knew what he was talking about. “When did you and mr. lukewarm back there start dating? When did my sister start dating, that is so unlike you.” The both of you laughed finally getting out of the humid tunnel, the both of you walked over to your car laughing and joking around about the thought of you dating.

“You know the first night we met, at your game. I gave him a kiss on the cheek right before I left. That was the first time I ever showed interest in someone like more than just, a petty crush. Then when he texted me, I just fell harder.” He leaned against the car watching you fidget with your finger on the verge of crying, you were talking about what you felt when Rin stepped into your life. “He tried. He pushed himself to me, he flew to the states even if it was just to spend one night with me. Four years ago I fell in love with Rin.”

Nagi smiled looking up behind you sighing, “Man what happened to the single duo. Your killing me kin.” He took the keys from your hand unlocking the car and getting in the passenger side with your assistant sitting in the backseat leaving you and Rin alone standing outside of the car. “You love me? That’s crazy.” He spoke using his hand to push some hair behind your ear, “what if I was telling Nagi I loved him, you were ease dropping too hard.” He rolled his eyes at your statement looking into the car noticing your assistant staring at the both of you while Nagi was playing a game on his phone.

“Come home with me, I’m trying to propose to you tonight but I can’t do that if you have to babysit your brother.” “It’s not a proposal if you tell me about it.” You laughed gently rubbing the back of his head giving him a much needed head massage. “Why would I keep secrets from you? I want to propose to you tonight and I want to spend it alone with YOU.” He emphasized letting you go for a quick second, his hand pulled on the door handle opening the drivers side door not for you but for himself.

“Nagi, Y/n is coming with me tonight, can you take her assistant home?” “Uh sure.” Nagi responded not looking up from him game. Rin shut the door and grabbed your hand to bring you to his car. You smiled pressing a kiss on his lips the closing the door behind yourself.

[pillarsalt]

as someone who is genuinely truly gender critical (critical of conservative gender and transgenderism) i have never felt so alone in my life. conservatives hate me. liberals hate me. incels hate me. radfems hate me. men hate me. women hate me.

the supreme court of the united fucking kingdom is using talking points and lingo made up in 2010 by teenage girls bending over backwards to defend perverted men. the other side of the argument is brought by conservatives who at best wouldn't mind if we regressed women's rights back to the 1800s and at worst are actively trying to do so.

meanwhile, on a general society level, we have the aforementioned perverted men and their teenage supporters who, regardless of what year they were born, have not progressed past that 2010 mindset. they genuinely believe women is a feeling/aesthetic/opt-in-free-attention-machine. and in the other corner, the only corner with the potential to actually empower and defend women, we have a wave of radfems who can't even pretend to be tolerant of straight, bi, gnc, and/or autistic women for 2 seconds (sad and ironic because i highly suspect most of them are one of if not multiple of these things) who lay the blame of the actions and beliefs of perverted men on said women. because us not killing every man on sight means we're the reason they get away with everything.

i have never felt so alone. i don't think we're ever getting out of this. how do you cope with this?

Anon, I want to tell you, I have felt this way many times and I'm sure I will again. I totally understand the impending doom feeling. It's hard to escape. But I want you to know, you are absolutely not alone, not at all.

I also want you to know that unfortunately, bad news frequently overshadows good news, especially online. The shocking and horrific generate more media interest than the hard fought battles being won by people and groups who are interested in positive change. But positive change is happening, even when its hard to see right away. To quote Martin Luther King Jr.: "First, the line of progress is never straight. For a period a movement may follow a straight line and then it encounters obstacles and the path bends. It is like curving around a mountain when you are approaching a city. Often it feels as though you were moving backwards, and you lose sight of your goal: but in fact you are moving ahead, and soon you will see the city again, closer by."

WRT the tumblr-esque rhetoric influencing national policy: I truly believe we are advancing past what has been a weird ass period where this religious "no debate" thing dominates liberal politics. Liberals across the world, I believe, are realizing it's a losing game, and that we can't let people who deny basic reality dictate policy for everyone else. I really truly get where you're coming from, but as someone who's been paying attention to this since 2015/16ish, it seems to have peaked around 2020ish, and on a steady decline since then.

They're their own worst enemies: at first your average left of centre person thought of trans issues basically as very gender nonconforming gay people who experience extreme distress about their sex (and that's not to say these people don't still exist,) but now with the mercurial rise of trans activism as we know it, more and more average voters are exposed to realities of gender ideology like male rapists in women's prisons, males in women's sports, the medical exploitation of gender nonconforming kids, and so on. Even just anecdotally I have seen TONS more people speaking openly about their dissent, when they would have kept their mouths shut before. Now a widespread conservative backlash is absolutely not what we want, and it's why the liberal governments of the world need to step up and get their shit together right the fuck now. Conservatism is dangerous and we need to fight as hard as we can to stop it in its tracks. But with added and continued pressure from everyone who's working to do so, this WILL happen. We can make it happen.

In respects to what's troubling you about the radical feminism community, I understand where you're coming from there too. But again, it's a problem with the most vitriolic people having the loudest voices despite being in the minority. Radfems do not hate you. There are a rash of individuals who through rad/feminism (especially online) have found a great way to browbeat other women and feel morally superior. Any special interest group is going to have people who try to use it to their advantage for ego stroking and social status purposes. Please try to remember they are just people, like you. They can be, and often are, just plain wrong. You have no obligation to take anybody's word as gospel, even if they get mad at you for it.

I don't take anyone seriously who'd rather infight constantly than find common ground with her fellow woman, even if there's disagreement. Women's liberation is the number one priority when it comes to feminism, and as a woman, you have every right to be here. Don't take any bullshit personally, be confident but curious in your beliefs. And please don't give up, not on the world and not on feminism. You are a worthwhile person, things will look brighter sooner than later. I know this from experience. I hope you hang in there, you can message me any time or send another ask anonymously if you want. It's hard work to push through the doom, but you can do it. Be well! 💜💜💜

[kassandrasdisciple]

Thoughts on:

The New Avatar Rumor

If you haven't heard Knight edge media has claimed to have seen the first 2 finalised storyboards for the Avatar tv show that'll follow the avatar after Korra.

Here's the link to their og article

There's also an article detailing a scene

Just in case any of this is actually true here's your chance to back out now, if your still here let's get into it.

The Kyoshi Parallel -

This post will mainly be me covering what jumped out to me from their two articles. The first thing that jumped out to me was how eerily similar the outline was to the Rise of Kyoshi novel. In RoK Kyoshi is a close candidate for being the Avatar, she's overlooked however, with Yun being chosen as he's a bending prodigy. Kyoshi struggles to survive as a maid/street rat, eventually being discovered as the avatar and thrust into the plot.

Our new avatar (possibly called Pavi) was also thought to be the avatar, passed over for her more adept sister, who's raised as a false avatar, and, whilst the imposter lives in luxury, Pavi struggles on the streets.

Obviously as more information comes out this correlation could strengthen or weaken. I don't mind it, and it could be a good "the Cycle repeats itself" otherwise it might be lazy recycling, time will tell.

Seven nations -

I..... hate this I think.

I love the fith nation and it's implications in RoK, and how it's spiritually lives on in Republic city, however 3 new nations?

I think it'll dilute the potents of what made the original great. The 4 elements are literally iconic, not just in Avatar but in, like, everything. History, alchemy, medicine, ect.

Avatar's cousin, The Dragon Prince, also tried using an expanded elemental system and I think it was weaker for it. Also what will set these 3 new nations apart? Will we have 3 new elements?

Now what could happen instead is that this is a post-apocalypse, and instead this is 7 new city states. THAT I don't hate. Infact it could be really interesting to see 7 last remnants of the Avatar world, after a massive disaster.

In that sense I think our survivors would be:

The Northen Water Tribe

The Southern Water Tribe

Republic City

Caldera City

Omashu

Ba Sing Se

The Southern Air Temple

I could also see any of the other temples, not just Aangs. Kyoshi island could also be a contender.

If this new world is just these last remnants that could be incredible.

Korra's feat -

Let it be said I hate power scaling fights. So the article saying this makes Korra the strongest seems weird. Secondly, this seems out of the scope of the Avatar world. I don't think Korra will actually rip apart the tectonic plates, more likely, a meteorite or such will threaten the world, and as she mitigates the damage it'll cause these new divides.

Twins -

Watch the DearFutureMe video on twin avatars for why it better not happen. Also if it turns out one is the Dark avatar I will chew my way through the floor until I land in the depths of hell.

If its neither of those I think it'll be a fun dynamic, similar to Zuko and Azula.

Hoverboards -

O H N O.

So, I've bitched about this to my friends constantly. I have always thought a third avatar show might be impossible. Aang's era is pre-industrial/industrial revolution and then Korra is the 1940~ plus a mech.

From this you get two meh options.

Either you kill Korra very young and aim for the 60s tech wise. That'll retroactively spoil LoK however. Otherwise you let Korra live and have it set roughly in the 2000's which just feels ... wrong.

This looks like we'll get the worst of both world, with 2000's era tech + future tech alla Kuvira's mech. Along with Korra dying tragically when the 7 nations disaster occurs.

I am hopeful that the disaster might create my pet theory. Where to avoid a Y2K avatar they create an apocalypse to reset the world.

Misc -

She's a girl and an amputee, that's cool, Avatar usually handles disabled and women characters well, I know they'll be discourse™ because diversity but that's only a problem if your a bigot sooooo.

Cat companion LETS GOOOOOOOOO can't wait to get plush of it.

Possible angsty teen airbender? Cool.

All in all I'm pessimistically excited, I want to hope it'll be great but I think that type of worship will just set you up to be disappointed. Either way, time will tell.

[autumnslance]

FFXIV Write 2024: 11 Surrogate

A Desertwalkers Weird West AU Story (I did not intend to write any of the FC AUs, but such things happen. How the Strikers' perpetual helpfulness lands them a new home...)

“Now hold on just a minute,” Zaine said, staring at the Landsguard officer. The doppro rider stared back, impatience evident. “This was supposed to be a temporary position.”

“I am simply the messenger,” the officer replied with a shrug of his mottled shoulders. “Take it up with the city if you wish to change the terms of the contract.”

Zaine stared down at the paper before him. He had sort of fallen into helping Stonewood’s judiciary with the claims office, as he was a decent mediator, able to make friends with both locals and those coming to the plains of Xak Tural for work in the ceruleum refineries and railway expansion. There were land disputes, and water disputes, and animal issues, and crop concerns...

But he was just here for the interim. They would find a real officer from Tuliyollal to take over, and Zaine and his sister could move on, exploring the land as they had planned. Once things settled down a bit for Stonewood and the friends they had made here.

The writ from the city, delivered by the increasingly impatient Landsguard officer, not only confirmed Zaine permanently for the role, but expanded the responsibilities—as someone dealing with the local property issues would also be responsible for estate settlement and the probate of wills.

“I might have to,” Zaine said, a headache coming on. “I didn’t really think they would hire an immigrant drifter into such a position.”

Then again, he and Aeryn had stood up to Baelsar and his aggressive expansion on behalf of this town and neighboring communities. That probably had a chunk to do with it.

The officer chuckled. “What you get for being good at it,” he said. “And Tuliyollal is more concerned with what one chooses to do, than where one is from. We could not have formed our nation otherwise.”

“Suppose that’s true,” Zaine muttered. “All right, I won’t take more of your time. I’d best speak to my sister and see what we do from here.”

“Great. Have a good day,” the officer said, leaving before Zaine could get his own farewell in.

Well. All right then.

He closed up his office for the day (and it really was his office now, wasn’t it?) and stepped out into the hot, dusty street. He thought of getting a drink, thought better of it, and continued on to the schoolhouse, where Aeryn had been helping out.

Aeryn was outside, class apparently dismissed for the day. She was talking to one of the adolescent students, a petite redhead she seemed fond of. Or maybe it was the girl’s uncle, a smarmy, fair-haired, gunblade-using bodyguard for the local coven, and sometimes bouncer for the Cat’s Eye Cabaret. Normally Aeryn didn’t notice anyone who noticed her. But there was...something...in the way her and the bodyguard interacted that made Zaine’s brotherly hackles rise.

His sister saw him coming now, smiling and waving cheerfully, her student following suit. Nice girl, that Ryne. Her mum was a lovely blonde mining foreman, often busy, hence the girl spending more time with her uncle. There was some connection to the cabaret owner, too. Zaine hadn’t thought he needed to worry too deeply about complicated family dynamics around here.

Maybe he would have to start.

Ryne stayed long enough to greet him before skipping off to meet with her friends, taking the hand of a dark-haired gal as the youths rushed off. Aeryn let out a deep breath. “I have something to talk to you about,” she said with no preamble.

“I have something to talk to you about,” Zaine answered, walking with her toward the rooms they were renting. “You go first.”

“The superintendent rode out today,” she said. “They want to extend my contract.”

Zaine frowned. “Thought this teaching gig was a temporary thing?”

“I thought so too, but they’re having trouble finding anyone qualified willing to come out here, and I’m apparently doing well enough for the board and the parents both. And the children are all so good…”

“And you want to stay,” Zaine said.

“I’ve thought about it,” Aeryn admitted. “It still may not be forever, but...for awhile?” She looked over at him.

“Well,” he said. “That could work. Considering my interim position isn’t so interim now.”

“Were you fired?”

“What? No! Why is that your first assumption?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ve only known you my whole life.”

“Whatever, smartypants. It’s the opposite actually. They made my role permanent.”

Aeryn hugged him, grinning. “This is a good thing, right?”

He hugged her back. “I mean, yeah. I didn’t really expect it so it caught me off guard.”

“This is what you get for standing up to Baelsar.”

“I guess. You did too, though, and that might have convinced the board to keep you around.”

She shrugged. “I helped a little. You did most of it.”

He shook his head. He couldn’t ever seem to convince her that she was, possibly, more instrumental to such actions than himself. She would continue to blow it off until getting angry if pushed, so he let her change the subject.

“If we’re staying, we need somewhere to live besides a couple rented rooms.”

“I’ve thought about it,” he said. “Funnily enough, I am aware of available land around here. There’s a couple acres just outside town that I think between the two of use we could afford and manage, with our other work.”

“When you say a couple—”

“Literally two.”

She considered that, then nodded. “It’d be nice to have our own place. Weird, maybe, but nice.”

They stopped at the same time and looked at one another. Zaine began to smile, which made Aeryn smile in return.

“All right,” he said. “I guess we’re staying.”

[fistfuloflightning]

Slightly more polished version on ao3 here

They're summoned to a local fishing village to investigate some kind of water demon. Just the three of them, which Shen Yuan thinks is hardly fair. Sure, there’s Shen Jiu, who’s worth at least four decent disciples. Shen Yuan doesn’t think he’s too bad. But Shang Qinghua is so far out of his depth it’s almost funny.

They find out it’s a carp demon, old and hungry and slowly picking off the locals over the span of months. Trapping it is the hard part and it goes wild when it realizes it can’t go anywhere. Which Shen Yuan kinda wishes it wouldn’t, since he’s currently hanging above the thrashing water by one leg and staring down into the gaping maw of the carp demon and wondering why all of this feels so familiar.

Shen Jiu is shouting from the side, sounding panicked. But Shen Yuan sincerely hopes his shixiong (bestie? fbf? boyfriend? what the hell?) doesn’t try to play the knight in shining armor (…again).

But it’s actually Shang Qinghua who frees his trapped leg for him, even though it leaves him cursing the An Ding disciple and plummeting into the disturbed water far below. There’s a glimpse of horrified green eyes, then he’s past. There’s no time to worry about Shen Jiu’s weird hero complex at the moment.

But there is a moment of revelation though, the moment before he hits the water: he knows why this whole situation is familiar. Change the demon, change the people dealing with it. But it’s the same. …Fucking Airplane.

And when the demon is suppressed and Shen Yuan drags himself up into the wharf, he’s spitting water and furious. “You fucking ripped off Journey to the West, didn’t you?”

Shang Qinghua’s eyes grow wide for a split second before the biggest grin practically blinds Shen Yuan. “Do you like that movie too?! I thought I was only one!

“I hated that movie.”

Shang Qinghua has the gall to look betrayed. “But Stephen Chow is a national treasure! It’s hard not to be a fan!”

“And it shows in your writing.”

“What does that mean?!”

Shen Yuan is relentless. “So you don’t deny it.”

“It was a good movie,” Shang Qinghua mutters defiantly, as though that’s going to change Shen Yuan’s mind.

But before he can snap back, Shen Jiu is dropping from his sword and grabbing his shoulders to examine him for injuries. “You absolute fool,” he hisses.

He very easily ignores Shang Qinghua in favor of a much prettier face. “A fool for you.” Shen Yuan’s hazy grin is all that saves him from Shen Jiu’s sharp tongue

“Focus.” His eyes flick between Shen Yuan’s, looking for—what? Concussion? His hands don't leave Shen Yuan’s arms, as if afraid he’ll disappear too.

It’s only afterward in their shared inn room that Shen Yuan fixes a gimlet eye on Shang Qinghua. He’s glad Shen Jiu left to check in with the local magistrate, if only so he doesn’t have to explain more than he has to. “You plagiarized the whole beginning scene—didn’t you. Even the little girl, you sick freak. Is there not a single original thought in your head?”

“The girl lived! You saw it! It’s completely not the same! And you have no room to talk, Mr. I-hated-it. You even remember what happened in such a short scene. Even if you deny that, you liar, I know you like the monsters I made up,” he points out. Now that a scowling Shen Yuan can’t deny. Shang Qinghua’s brow rise pointedly as he adds: “…And my bastard son. When’s the wedding, by the way? You’ve gotta make a honest man of him sometime.” A thought suddenly comes to him and he freezes. “Wait. If you got married, would that make me your father-in-law?”

Shen Yuan gags. “Never refer to yourself like that ever again. I hope Stephen Chow finds a way to kill you in your sleep. And if he doesn’t, I will. We never speak of this again and I pray to any bodhisattva who decides to have pity on your sorry ass, that you have not plagiarized any more of that movie. Especially the pig demon.”

Shang Qinghua’s sweating silence says more than words.

“…Are you fucking kidding me?!”