#weekend is over but not for mee

[sunshiinnne]

Good morning tumblr fam from somewhere in the mountains! 🌄🫶🏼✨

[leclercwriting]

first win | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem!reader

you're oscar's lucky charm he needed

masterlist

y/n.user

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 123,389 others

caption: back with my baby before he goes to hungary

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oscarpiastri: I'm gonna miss u :(

y/n.user: poor boy

oscarpiastri: come with mee to the mclaren garage in hungaroring

landonorris: yeeessss I need you to make the chocolate cookies again

y/n.user: we'll see

user39: OMG Y/N'S FIRST RACE?!

user848: can we talk about how good they look together? y/n is so stunning

user94: can oscar fight?

oscarpiastri: I indeed can

landonorris: he can't fight. He almost broke his hand when he tried to fight a guy who talked to y/n for "too long"

y/n.user: that's true

user38: lol

danielricciardo: come to vcarb garage. there's one hot australian too

maxverstappen1: daniel you have a girlfriend..

danielricciardo: stop it or im gonna say the secret u told me to kelly

y/n.user: @ danielricciardo I NEED to know the secret

danielricciardo: I'm calling you

sabrinacarpenter: y/n you're so hot babe

y/n.user: thanks luv <3

user838: y/n is friends WITH SABRINA

user94: my two worlds colliding together

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 456,949 others

caption: fp1 and fp2 done, and now we need to get really for tomorrow's quali

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landonorris: tomorrow mclaren 1-2?

oscarpiastri: hell yeah

user84: where was y/n?

landonorris: clearly not there

user949: LOL

user23: she's not even in the comments or the likes. I think they broke up. She is clearly not enough for oscar. She didn't go to any race

y/n.user: stop acting like u know me or my and oscar's relationship. I'm pretty busy with work and school, but you clearly don't know that those things exist

user32: SHE WAS SILENTED

oscarpiastri: that's my girl

f1gossip: I love how oscar is protective of y/n and y/n is protective over their relationship

oscarpiastri

liked by y/n.user, landonorris and 876,737 others

caption: my lucky charm.. that's all I have to say

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y/n.user: I'm so proud of you osc🥹

oscarpiastri: I did it because of you

landonorris: lovebirds

charles_leclerc: don't be jealous lando

charles_leclerc: Congrats, my child. U deserve it

user83: LOL he really did adopt oscar

y/n.user: yeah

landonorris: MCLAREN 1-2 BABYYYY

landonorris: congrats osc

oscarpiastri: thank you lando

user858: that's so them coded

lewishamilton: congratulations. You are going to be a world champion one day

carlossainz55: congrats for your first win

pierregasly: congratulations oscar!

user84: all the drivers in the comments make me emotional

danielricciardo: congratulations fellow ausie

oscarpiastri: thanks danny

user84: not oscar replying to danny but not to lewis or carlos

user90: he got priorities

mclaren: U DID IT OSCAR

oscarpiastri: we did it

user94: don't make me emotional again

y/n.user: u get me

y/n.user

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 456,939 others

caption: enjoying budapest after emotional weekend. also, I saw the replay of me crying, and i look kinda good. you'll see me more from now on

view all comments

oscarpiastri: I can't wait to take you to spa

y/n.user: I'm gonna root for fernando and carlos

oscarpiastri: traitor

user84: NOT CARLOS LOL. oscar's biggest enemy

user85: y/n being alonso fan makes so much sense to me

landonorris: lovebirds at it again

y/n.user: @ oscarpiastri we need to find lando a girlfriend cuz someone's jealous

oscarpiastri: noted

user94: not them setting lando up

user34: I love them they're so iconic

f1fanpage: oscar and y/n being the IT couple again. I'm here for it

danielricciardo: when are you going to vcarb garage?

user33: daniel is simping on oscar's girlfriend again

danielricciardo: naah, I just need some lucky charm to win

y/n.user: @ heidiberger_

heidiberger_: I'm gonna be there

user84: I love how loyal y/n is, and she doesn't like it when other men who have a girlfriend give her attention

user36: she's simply iconic

user38: that's called y/n behaviour, and everyone should behave like that

note: soo I decided to make this post after oscar's win. I was actually at the gp and I saw oscar win his first race with my own eyes lol. Enjoy

[dreamauri]

Whens the next part of My love all mine coming out?🤭

┇𝗠𝗬 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗘 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗘 - part six ┇ ︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶ ┇arranged marriage does not always hold ┇the outcome you expect !! ┇︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦˚₊   ┇ . 🌿 :: pairing — ( max vertsappen  x  wife! reader ) ┇ . 🫧 :: ⁠genre — ( angst / fluff )  ┇ . 🌿 :: ⁠song — ( link ) ┇ . 🫧 :: ⁠word count — ( - ) ╰  🌿 :: ⁠ content warning — ( X )

( fic master list | general master list ) ( requests ) ( previous | next )

“It’s so fluffy.” Max whispers, nuzzling his nose in your hair. You chuckle slightly, shuffling further back into his lap to get comfortable. The dutch, wrapped his arms around your waist to remove the space between your back in his chest. Max leaned his chin on your shoulder watching with you the tiktoks you scroll through.

You find yourself holding in a laugh when the video of drunk Max and Daniel on a plane. Max finds himself gasping, taking your phone and looking at it in disbelief. “How long–” “That's been there forever.” you tease taking your phone from him.

You press on the search bar, type drunk max verstappen to show him all the clips people have seen, including that one time he and Charles were calling each other from on a cruise ship.

“Ah, young love.” You tease him. Max gives you a deep frown and a confused face. “Me and Charles?” “There’s a whole hashtag dedicated to you guys.” You tease, scrolling through a bit more, you come across a video of you and max drunk sway dancing from the after parties from the monaco gp. You knew some girls were doing something. “I liked that dress.” Max nuzzles in your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to your neck. 

“You got me that dress, remember?” “Yeah, that’s why I like it.” He smiled widely and you felt yourself laugh, melting in his hold. You liked loved moments like these. Just you and your husband, sitting on a balcony under the moonlight.

You wish everyday could be like this, peaceful and calm, just comfortable nights for you and your husband. But you always have to remember that Max Verstappen was a world renowned sportsman. He spends his weekends driving and weekdays training.

And even when nothing was going on, there were still people in the media who wanted to bite you. Looking through the comments was a mistake. You sighed reading how people said they could treat Max so much better or just picked on your mistakes.

“What’s this shit?” Max grumbles, scrolling through the comments. There was a pattern. People were nice to him, praising him, complimenting him. Telling him how he was such a good husband. On the other hand, others were commenting on how you weren't enough for him. How he could do and how much he deserves so much better.

“I don’t think these people understand I’ve been . . . what’s the world? Simping? Crushing on you since high school.” You held a giggle at the statement. He took your phone from you, starting to report every hateful comment. You couldn’t help but chuckle at his determination. “You don't have to do that.” “Shhh, wifey. It’s fun.” “Sorry, hubby.” You gave him a soft kiss before he was standing up.

You went to get a glass of the lemonade you and Max had made earlier when you heard your phone ring. “It’s your mom.” He shouted through the hotel room before answering. “Hallo, mum. Het Max.” [hi, mom. it’s max.] He greeted her over the phone. You couldn’t hear what your mom said in return but Max laid back in his arms with a big pout. “Het is voor jou, liefje.” [is your mom, love] Max held the phone out for you. You chuckled, taking a sip from the lemonade and going to sit back outside with him.

“Hi mum.” You greeted her by putting the call on speaker. “Y/N, ik wil dat je met mij mee luistert. Ik kan zo ver niet met je leven en ik ga het niet langer volhouden dan dit.” [Y/N, i want you hear with me. I can't live with you this far and I'm not going to last longer than this] You found yourself freezing in your place. Tilting your head confused. “vergeet de verstappen. scheid dat kind en kom naar huis. Ik wil niet dat k wil je niet zo ver weg.“ [forget the verstappens. divorce that kid and come home. i dont want you so far from me]

Max snapped his head up, and you choked on your drink. Divorce? Your mom’s tone was harsh and mad. “Eh? scheiding? Dat wil ik niet. Ik boek wel een vlucht erheen, maar alles komt goed. je overdrijft.” [Eh? Divorce? I don't want that. I'll book a flight there, but everything will be fine. you are exaggerating] You ended the call before she could protest. 

A moment of silence evaded the space, a once warm space was now cold. You didn’t dare speak, you knew Max was looking at you to see what you’d do next. You shook your head, holding your legs and looking down at your phone. “I-i don't want to divorce.” You told him finally looking up to meet his eyes. Max relaxed at your reassurance, nodding quickly as he sat up properly facing. “I don't either.” He held your hand kissing your knuckles. “I’ll book you a flight right away.” He said standing up.

“Wait, Max.” You stood after him, stopping. “I don’t wanna go.” You found yourself admitting, a deep sigh leaving your throat. Max was the door of escape from your family. They’d always put pressure on you to be some perfect academic person. Graduating high school with honours and valedictory. You gave up on being normal when university came around. 

It was only when you married Max were you able to pick up a paint brush again. When Jos had approached you and your family about his son wanting your hand in marriage you took it right away. An escape. You didn’t know him, so marrying him was a risk. But if you never took that risk, you would’ve never found yourself living your life like you are now.

“It’s your mom and family.” He told you, turning to you confused, looking down at his phone for flights. “You’re my family.” You replied without even thinking.

The blond snapped his head up, taken aback by your words. “I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to leave you— Correction, I don't want to be without you.” 

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"There you are." Your mother hummed happily once you pushed the door open. She opened her arms and you immediately went for her embrace, wrapping your arms around her back with your head on her chest. "Awh, look at you." The woman cooed, stroking your hair and kissing your head.

Max always had an odd feeling about the woman, From the moment she first saw him, till now she always give him this disgusted glare. "And I see you've brought your husband too." The words were bitter in her mouth. "I thought it was clear I wanted just you."

"Well," You looked back at the blond. "I don't know how to drive, and Me and Max we're together. So, yeah." There was a long pause, long eye contact between you and Max. "He doesn't love you." Your mother whispered in your ear, cupping her hand over her lips so max wouldn't hear or see.

"Don't be naïve, sunflower. He's after your looks." She stroked your hair. Max could see your eyebrows furrow weather in disbelief or in betrayal. "Your a trophy. If he really loved you, he'd come a whisk you off your feet. Make you fall in love with him and ask for your hand in marriage himself."

Your heart panged against your chest. She had a good point. If Max really loved you, why did he do the things the way he did. Why did you have to pick yourself up at the airport and let yourself into the apartment, and clean it up yourself? Why did you not have a choice to see if you loved him before marrying him? Why did he pluck you out of the life you already had?

"He's not good for you." Your mom whispered, her manipulative words getting through to you. "He's using you. He likes your body, your face, your image. Come to mummy, i wont hurt you, yeah? I'll keep you safe."

You jumped up on your feet clearing your throat. Max immediately noticed the shaky and hesitant body language you displayed. Fidgeting with your fingers and tapping the top of your toes on the floor.

"We should probably go, visiting hours are going to end soon." He stood up tall, gently wrapping his arm around your shoulder to comfort you. Max was surly surprised to see you flinch, and even more angry to see the deceiving gentle smile your mother gave hi. "Hours start at 12:30 tomorrow. Don't be late." She said.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Max found himself tracing the lines to the glass painting on your window. The hospital wasn't far from your mom's house which had your old tween room before your parents divorced. The faded purple walls with scenery painting on them with stickers and posters.

"They're pretty," He hummed. "We should try these out on our windows back home." He turned to you, pointing at the window. His body felt still once he caught your fear filled eyes. He gulped, moving over to you, sitting on his knees beside you.

"I don't know what your mother is telling you. But I love you. No matter what." Max held your hands in his, pressing a soft kiss to your fingers. "You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me and I'd never change anything about you or us."

You looked in his ocean eyes, too big for his head yet so beautiful for his own good. The second you looked away Max knew your mother was in favour at the moment. He knew that old narcissistic woman had won the moment you had slept with your back facing him. You never looked away from him.

And the sight or your sleeping figure facing away from him made him feel as if his heart was being ripped apart slowly and painfully. He was scared to even touch you. Max would never ever risk making you feel uncomfortable.

This would be your last night under the moon light together.

[junedenim]

2004

beneath the boardwalk, part 2 (series masterlist)

i bet you look good on the dancefloor

warnings: fluff, angst, a little smutty, the whole shebang, offensive language (posh-shaming), etc.

word count: 19.6k

In Alex's bedroom, there is a splatter of ink on the wall that looks like a Rorschach test. It has a big splotch in the middle with droplets surrounding it. It's on the wall next to his bed and you could look at it for hours, study layers of it. Butterfly, moth, bat, or what I would later insinuate several times: a vagina.

Despite the distance between High Green and Wakefield, I would drive over to Alex's house about every other weekend once the spring semester had begun. It had started as a plan to work on our writing with one another before it became more of an excuse to hang out with one another. Alex would later confess to me that he never did much songwriting in general, minus a few exceptions, when we were there. Instead, he did unrefined, rough drawings of mostly clutter-filled nonsense. Later, when I went away to university, I found one of the sketches cut into a bookmark, placed by Alex in my notebook. The sketch was of a girl with hair that was too long drooped over while writing in her notebook. It wasn't what critics would consider good, but it was me in Alex's eyes, and I think that did me greater justice than any other portrayal of me.

We didn't talk much. For those months, his mum would joke that we were "going steady." I wrote more than I ever did in my life because Alex wouldn't allow me to do anything else. He'd shush me when I tried to speak to him, insisting that he was in the middle of a lyrical masterpiece. In reality, he was practicing writing with his left hand. 

Most of that material is lost to time. That notebook disappeared around '07 and is suspected to have been lost when my parents moved out of our Wakefield home. During that time I mostly wrote fiction, personal essays were reserved for my diary. Alex never read anything in that notebook with the exception of one page that I had ripped out, folded up into a swan, and placed in his pocket before I left for university. It's the only page that remains and still sits in Alex's nightstand drawer.

I stayed for dinner for the first time in February. His mother, Penny, insisted that it was ridiculous I make the drive back home on an empty stomach. I don't think Alex had people over for dinner often, maybe Matt occasionally when they were younger, but I think most nights were confined to him and his parents. 

They spoke quietly, much like Alex did, but they were funny and had an overt interest in me.

"Have you lived in Wakefield your whole life?" His father asked me.

"Uh, no, I lived the first few years of my life in Frankfurt, Germany—" 

My explanation was cut short by Penny gasping. I feared the kitchen had caught fire. "Alexander!" She chastised, for the first time hearing someone call him by his full first name. "You didn't tell me this."

Alex tried to keep his laughter over his mother to himself, looking down at his plate. "I didn't know."

"Did Alex tell you I'm a German teacher? Probably not since he apparently doesn't tell anyone anything." She pointedly said to her son.

I laughed because it was sweet and, more obvious to only me, even then, my parents never did this. Stacey didn't even joke around anymore. We didn't eat dinner at the table unless we had guests, which were almost exclusively my dad's co-workers.

"Are your parents German?" Penny was eager. She had found a connection with the girl who had been taken hostage in her son's room for the past month. Alex's parents were reassured that nothing was going on between the two of us and that they had no issues with closed doors. I suppose my parents didn't either but they were likely in a different parenting style than Penny and David.

"No," I said, "my dad's work was over there. He grew up near Newcastle. My mum was born in Moscow but grew up over in the States."

"Wow, so, how'd they meet?"

I laughed. I didn't plan to tell the story but Penny was curious and my laughter had to be explained. "Um," I cleared my voice, "my parents met through my dad's wife. Ex-wife." A famed story in our family. My parents oddly toted this loudly to us as children like it was some romantic tale.

I sipped my water, laughing into it as I watched the members of the table try and contain a reaction. Then, Alex let out his laughter and I had to join in. Rumbling the glass of water I was drinking out of. David and Penny, with our invitation, joined in.

At the end of the night, Penny hugged me and told me to get home safely. "I'd like to hear more life stories from you."

Alex, overhearing, chimed in, "Yeah, she should write a book about them."

It began the tradition that at least once a month, I would have dinner with David and Penny. 

The following week, right at the tail end of February when the heating in Alex's room broke, I sat on his bed, under the covers. He, of course, sat over top of them in his jeans and trainers. It was disgusting but it was his bed so I was rejected the right to criticize him over it.

I had grown bored of writing and had become interested in Alex. Since my kissing faux pas, I had made a great effort to uninterest myself in Alex. It was going okay until he forced me into these writing sessions. I was never able to crack Alex completely. I could figure out things about him, read my way through him, but I was never able to fully deduce why he refused to kiss me but wanted to spend time alone with me. Now, I'd tell you he was being a friend. Then, I'd tell you, he had to be gay. 

Yet, I knew he wasn't and I couldn't stop wondering why he didn't like hanging out with me when other people were involved. Joanie had brought up the idea of a double date but Alex made a sound and shook his head before insistently saying, "Jane's just me friend." He didn't like hanging around Joanie much, I could understand that much. But we didn't hang out with Matt together and he rejected hanging with AB & Claire, which was fine. We weren't dating or anything.

Joanie and Claire would both tease me about Alex. They both figured we spent Saturdays fucking our brains out, not silently sitting across from one another. Not talking with his mum more than him. I, like Alex, would insist we were nothing more than friends, but in my head I was playing another game where Alex and I were in a secret relationship, hiding it from our friends, so secret Alex didn't even know about it.

I didn't delude myself much. I didn't expect him to change his mind on me but I did fantasize maybe he would. I liked being his friend too. I liked looking at him like "friends" do. 

"I'm done!" I announced. I shut my notebook and placed my pen on top of it.

He didn't look up from his book. He shushed me. Scrunched up his nose and moved his pen quickly. This might have been one of the few times he was writing. 

I folded my hands into my lap and waited. His pen rushed across the page, then scratched something out, then continued for another surge of writing. Alex looked up, squinted at me, and then returned to writing.

"It's time for me to go!" I began to move over to him at the end of the bed. Fists on his mattress like a gorilla.

Alex shushed me again. I was about to start beating my chest. I laid my head next to his legs, criss-crossed under his notebook. I stretched myself out and saw his eyes glance down at the gap my shirt had created, belly button exposed. I yawned and he kept writing.

"Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

He didn't even bother shushing this time. He was reaching the bottom of the page but I was whiny and bored and desperately didn't want to go home. 

I sat up and attempted to spin my pen like Matt did with his drumsticks. I'd tried to learn but Matt wasn't a very good teacher or maybe I wasn't a very good student, likely the latter. I stared intensely at Alex, bulging my eyes, trying to will his head to look up. Writing, writing, writing.

Then, my pen flew. It launched out of my hands, spinning quickly before smacking against his wall. The ink landed and I covered my mouth with my hands, trying to hide my laugh. 

Alex looked up, searching for the sound, "What'd you do?" He followed my eyes and looked at the stain forming, and then he looked back over at me, silently laughing into my hands.

"I'm so sorry." My laugh was noticeable no matter my efforts to hide it. I became loud and tried to take deep breaths to hide it but then it grew uncontrollable. "I don't know what happened." And then he laughed too.

*

Alex liked my car. It was a black 2002 Volkswagen New Beetle. Besides AB and me, none of our friends had their own cars. AB only had a car because he worked in his father's garage shop and the car was a clunker. Will used to have one too but he crashed it on New Year's Day 2003. 

Alex would insist, mostly when I got bored of writing and complaining in his ear, that we take a ride in the Beetle. He made too many Beatles puns that I rolled my eyes at but to this day, I wish I had written them down to have as relics from that period of our lives. He'd flip through the radio too many times. Then, he'd shut it off and ask if I had any CDs.

"Sugababes?" He'd once question with a chuckle. He has a habit of distracting me while driving. 

I furrowed my brows. "What's wrong with Sugababes?"

Then, he'd pull his face together and put it back in the console. "Nothing, nothing."

We never drove anywhere in particular. Sometimes we went to City Centre, sometimes I drove Al to work. Most of the time we just drove around. I didn't know too much of High Green but quickly learned every corner of it with Alex as my tour guide.

One time we stopped at the Charlton Brook Dam and I was lying on my stomach, kicking my feet behind me, and writing in my notebook. Very teenage dream writing in "Dear Diary..." For the first time, Alex groaned.

I looked up and he was staring up at the sky, almost directly into the sun. He hadn't bothered to take his notebook out, still in his back pocket.

"What?" I asked.

He slowly shook his head.

I sat up properly. "No, come on, what are you groaning all about for?"

Alex sighed and rubbed his eye. "I don't think—I don't know—I don't think I can write near water." This was long before I knew of his mostly empty writing sessions.

I threw my head back in laughter. 

He chuckled along with me but asked, "What's so fun about that?"

"No, no, nothing," I told him. I calmed myself down and we held eye contact.

The dam seemed to bring something out of Alex. Something about the water reflected something onto him. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"What are you going to do after Barnsley?" It was like a confrontation. One that I needed. My parents were too far off to care where I was most of the time. I don't think they had thought about my future, not as much as Gary, my older brother. My older sister, Harper, did one year of university before dropping out and marrying Ian. I think Harper wanted to get away as much as I did but then she got pregnant and was never able to escape. Just had to accept her fate as a Cavendish. 

I shrugged at his question. "I thought about university. That seems like the likely thing to do but I feel too unsure. Like I should go get a job or gallivant through Europe for a year. Fuck off to America or something."

He laughed. "Fucking off to America sounds nice. You'd get a lot more sun. You look good in the sun."

An upturn of my cheeks and a vow not to take his compliments too seriously occurred. "I've applied but haven't heard."

Alex picked at the hole in his jeans, no longer looking at me. "Do you think it be crazy to do the band for, you know, a living or summat?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. I like your stuff."

"You're one of the few. Have a gig with just you and Matt's mum handing out pastries."

"Despite your disdain for my Angels with Dirty Faces CD, I know good music when I hear it. When I read it too."

"You've only read one of them."

"And I know it's good. You've read nothing of mine, yet you insist I come over every weekend to write."

Then, he said, quickly and sure of himself, "That's just because I want to see every weekend."

I hid my reaction. I must have. In between, my heart beating and my throat closing, I contained my excitement because he didn't comment on it. "Is that so?"

I wanted to pester him further. See the map of his brain and what road it leads down. But he stood up and said, "My shift's in a half hour."

I lamented. "Has this relationship grown so one-sided you don't even properly ask me for a ride anymore?"

I was whining in place and he was eager to get back to the car, but I'm not sure why he didn't tell me to move or push me up the little hill we were sitting on, instead, he grabbed hold of my hand. Not in a yanking motion. It was soft and little and he never commented on it. He intertwined himself with me and said, "Come on, Janie." Then, pulled me up the hill and didn't let go until I reached the car door. In the car, we laughed and listened to Sugababes, but he didn't touch me again. Didn't grab hold of my knee or wrap his arm around the back of my seat. He sat with his hands on his own knees and when I knew he secretly loved a song, he'd tap away with his left hand on his thigh. 

*

When March neared an end that year I decided I was not going to celebrate my birthday. I resigned myself to the cupcake AB and Claire got me for lunch and it ended with that. Joanie had other plans.

Ambushing me was never a good idea, let alone a surprise party. Ambushing with alcohol was always a good idea. I guzzled it down while we sat in Joanie's basement, smaller than Will's but bigger than the White House's (exaggeration but not far off). 

Unknown bodies filled the room but I had Claire by my side and Joanie hanging off my back. As much as we had drifted, I was touched by Joanie's closeness to me, instead of Matt. We resembled our former trio before The Grapes gig. 

Alex sat across the room. He was sitting on a table next to Matt. At one point in their conversation, Matt pointed over to us and Alex's eyes landed straight on me. He nodded at me and then smiled. I waved him over but he didn't move. He averted his eyes and kept chatting with Matt.

But then a minute later, he looked over at me again and I waved him over again. He smiled but his lack of response remained the same. "Oy!" I yelled.

He looked over and I curled my finger at him, urging him to come hither. He pointed at himself unsurely. 

"Yes, you, you wanker!" I shouted.

Alex chuckled and stood up to make his way over to me. He bent down to meet my eye level, flashing a charming smile at me. "You beckoned?"

"I beckoned? I beckoned? You were making the eyes at me over there. It's not proper to ignore the birthday girl."

"You've got two girls hanging off of ya."

"That's a dream for most men."

He laughed, grabbed my hand, and picked me up from my seat. "I'm not gay, Janie." I laughed hard, throwing, not only my head but my whole body back, forcing him to hold me close. "And you are very, very drunk."

I pouted. "What else is a girl supposed to do on her birthday?" I had been drinking on my birthday since I could remember. I used to sneak down into the fridge and steal beers when I was 6. It only got bigger as I got older. Most vices do.

In a perfect sequence, I twirled and he lifted his arm to let me under. When I came back around, I smiled and leaned my chest into his. The little boobs I have pushed up against him. "Do you want to have sex with me tonight?" I don't know where it came from. Well, I mean, I do, a fresh 18 and a mighty amount of alcohol applies, but I had lost all boundaries. A year filled with less sex, less partying, less Will, led me to a clear mind, which only slipped back into past habits. 

Sex. Must have sex. If we have sex then he'll like me. He'll love me even. I'm great at sex and he's a little groundling that I'll have to entertain.

"No, Janie, not tonight." I had never corrected the usage of Janie. I abhorred the nickname from everyone else's lips but Al's. He always struck the right chord within me and let it play out for decades. 

I rounded my arms onto his neck. I pulled him close, close to kiss, close to French, close to makeout, close to fuck, close to make love, close to eat him alive. "But someday?"

I knew I'd be devastated by whatever response he gave me. Devastated that then wasn't now, devastated that then was never. Alex looked down on me. I was eager. A gosling looking for mother goose to follow. "Do you need to sit down?"

He was ignoring the issue altogether. After all this time of going back and forth in my head about Alex—about why I could crack the code on everything else about him, except what his interest in me was—I had decided to ask him, "Why are you ignoring me?"

He chuckled at my slurring and I dreamt he found it endearing. "I'm not ignoring you. You're hanging all over me."

"Do you not like it when I hang all over you?" I threw myself at him pathetically, especially when I was dripping in alcohol. 

"Let's sit." He removed his arms from around him and dragged me over to sit down. Joanie had left to sit on Matt's lap. Claire had shifted to talking to Rosie, currently broken up with Will. Rosie had seemingly taken my place in Will's bed and I was no longer upset about it. I was upset with Alex, or really with myself for not being good enough for Alex.

We sat down and I, sleepy drunk, laid my head on his shoulder. I whispered, low and quiet, that I was shocked he heard over the music, "I just want to know what it is."

"What what is?" He questioned.

"Why don't you like me?" I clarified. I wish I wasn't such a baby. A child begging for her mother to pick her up. I desperately wanted him to like me. I wanted him to fall at my feet in the way no man had. Beg for my forgiveness and call himself an idiot for ever rejecting my kiss.

"I like you."

I hesitated, even drunk I knew we were treading on crossed boundaries. Then I let what I had been dying to know the truth for months slip out. "Why won't you kiss me? I'm not trying to flatter myself but why won't you want to kiss a girl? You're not gay but why won't you kiss me?"

He didn't answer for a moment. Alex has always been a person to think his thoughts out but I imagine he struggled to answer my question. "I like being your friend," Alex said.

"Friend?"

"You're one of my best friends, Janie." He was calm and he pushed my stray hairs behind my ear.

I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to never see anyone again. If I was an ounce sober, I'd swallow the pain and rejection, but my bloodstream was alcohol and I was throwing a pity party. My head left his shoulder and fell into my hands with a sob.

"Jane." He was concerned. He patted my back and urged me to sit up and look at him.

I was too embarrassed to look at him with tears and tell him he was the reason why. Even if he obviously knew he was the reason why. I took a deep breath and sat up. "I'm a sad old drunk. Sorry."

He was concerned but said nothing. We never talked about it again.

Later that night, after everyone had mostly left except our close friend group—minus Will, who had puked on himself about 10 minutes before—Alex handed me a cigarette and lit it for me. No lighters tossed.

We sat in the corner pocket of the couch with one another. Everyone else was lying about but we were talking slowly and tiredly to one another, except Joanie, of course, more perky than ever. "Let's dance!" She cheered.

I groaned and everyone else seemed to feel the same way. Matt wasn't even indulging her anymore. But then she played Spice Girls and I had to join in. I stood myself up and rocked about with Joanie.

Halfway through Alex yelled, "Now do the robot!"

I yelled back over my shoulder. "Oh, fuck off now!" But I did it anyway, rough and drunk as ever.

When the night winded down for good, Alex slept over at my house. The hour was late, everyone was drunk, and it was decided that High Green was just too far. On the walk back home, where our minds sobered up and we walked feet apart from one another. Alex's hands were deep in his pockets and my arms crossed, hands hidden away in my armpits. 

About 5 minutes into the walk he asked, "Good birthday?"

I nodded. "Fine."

"Just fine?" He chuckled.

I shrugged. "Birthdays have never been too exciting for me. They've always sucked in some way."

Alex moved closer to me and took a hand out of his pocket, throwing his arm over my shoulder and tugging me into him. If I closed my eyes I could fantasize he meant something else by it. I had wished in my head, with the absence of birthday candles, to have him. Looking back it feels stupid to put that much weight on a guy but I was 18 and he was Alex.

"Anything I can do?" He asked.

In my head, I had a million answers. Any action of interest would shoot rockets through me and fireworks out of me. I didn't say anything. I was sober enough to know that I shouldn't be an idiot. I shouldn't beg for his affection. He was one of my best friends now too and to lose that to some fantasy would be a far greater crime than him not kissing me.

"Not really. I think I'll just go to bed and leave my birthday at that."

Then, he stopped moving. His arm around me held me back. "What?" I asked.

He tilted his head and I'd ponder what it meant. "Nothing," Alex said. We continued walking and never spoke about it again. 

*

The following morning, Alex drove my car. After dealing with my father at the door, who I am sure was drunk from watching Newcastle United lose and had no clue who Alex was, my father, to feign caring, questioned Alex at the door. Alex mumbled away, which could've left a bad first impression on my father if he wasn't too out of it to remember. My father didn't remember my friends' faces anyway.

When Alex and I escaped my father, who grumbled his way back to the tele, Alex drove me for the first time ever. "You're a lot better than I thought you would be."

"Why'd you think I'd be bad?" He was winsome in his long-sleeve sweater, his jacket thrown into the backseat due to the hotness of that car. 

"You have me drive you around all the time. I figured your mum was too afraid to give you her car."

The previous night we had slept in the same bed. My daydreams weren't fulfilled in any way, we were laid like sardines, Alex's head at the foot of the bed, mine at the head. My bed, at the pretentious time in my life, was king-sized. An ocean of linen sheets separated us. 

In the morning, he grabbed my car keys and insisted.

Alex pulled up by Charlton Brook Dam and we didn't say anything. It was a wordless movement to the water that ran through the park. We sat side-by-side, in the same spot we always sat in, cushioned under two oak trees that had acorns falling at our feet. 

He pulled out a cigarette and handed it to me first. He put that pack away and looked at me mute and waiting. I snorted a horrid snort that I think about to this day (I might as well have said oink!). I pulled out one from my purse and handed it to him. He provided the lighter.

"You're no good for me, Janie." I conceded. I decided then I would never dream of being with Alex again. Why lose a friend—a friend like Al—for some fiddly fake romance I had made up in my head? "I smoke too much when I'm with ya." That was true too.

We puffed away and talked about nonsense mostly; shit from school. The dam blew perfectly onto our skin. I was wrapped up in a cardigan and Alex had thrown his jacket to the side, dirting it in the dew. 

His voice was soft, like the dew at our feet, and he spoke emotionally, like a vow from his heart. "Your eyes are so blue." I am well aware of the powers of my blue eyes. I've batted them since I was a baby and crowds fell to their knees in adornment. But the way he spoke it sounded like foggy desperation. A thing you only say between two cigarettes deep in the morning or night.

"Yours are very brown." I laughed but he didn't. He stared down at the grass and fiddled with his cigarette. It felt awkward and rigid.

Alex looked up at me carefully. His eyes sculpted over me. "I have thought about it. What you asked me about last night."

Breaths were short and the heart was quickened in beats. "What did I ask about it?" I need this to be clear. I wanted to not fear what would come out of his mouth.

"Never mind."

I realized he needed me to be clear. Though I was in a fit of drunkenness and I would—and had the reputation—of sleeping with whoever would allow. He thought he wasn't special. He looked off into the dam and I asked, "About someday?"

Alex's head turned over and he took a while to answer, in fact, he never answered. He leaned over and kissed me. Slow, steady, and the non-slobber variety. The perfect first kiss.

"You want to have sex now on the hill?" I joked. I was fun. I was cool. I was screaming inside.

He laughed this time. "No. I just wanted to know what it would be like to kiss you."

*

We didn't get together right away. There was this weird stretch of time lasting from after my birthday until the end of May where we would hide out with one another, in my room after school and in his room where Alex tried to uphold our writing session before dissolving into sex sessions. I don't know if either of our parents knew what would happen upstairs. His parents would either be home late or hold no objections to the shut & locked door. My father wasn't home when Alex came over. He'd always go to the pub after work. My mother sat in front of Coronation Street or had her friends over. Alex never stayed for dinner at mine. I stayed more and more often at his.

The first time we had sex was 2 days after our kiss. We went to my house after school with no intent to do much of anything except a hang out disguised as an excuse to make out. After 10 minutes of snogging, Alex reached under my skirt and touched my underwear. He was hesitant and seemed as if he didn't mean to go that far but didn't retract his hand. Mine furthered lower to his jeans, rubbing in between my legs.

Our lips parted and Alex pushed a small gap between us to see me. "Jane." It was his way of giving a warning sign. There was no pushing further. "Would it be alright...?" He stretched the sentence out, mumbling nerves to me.

"If we had sex?" I attempted to finish. "Yes. If I haven't made it clear I want to have sex with you then we should get your brain checked."

He laughed and placed his head in the nook between my shoulder and neck. I'd wanted him to stay there forever. Forever 18 in that corner of our world. "No, no. I was just—never mind."

I rolled my eyes at his habit of having to decipher his message. I still roll my eyes at this affliction to this day. "You're so cocky and now I've got you tongue-tied."

He rubs his eyes, buggy and alluring. "I'm not cocky. Just mighty hard."

Laughter spurted from my mouth. "You've got no sense."

Alex insisted, "I've got perfect sense."

I've never been one for the term "making love." It's reserved for romance novels and cheesy songs my mother played in the car. I've grown out of the phase of "fucking" but in my late teens, this seemed the appropriate words for my past rendezvous. Quick-fulfillment and non-long-lasting. "Sex" was the preferred word; plain and simple. Alex and I were definitely shagging too. I won't object to that.

Alex looked star-gazingly and held sentiment too deep for me to understand at 18. Then he said, "You're hot, Janie." I settled down a bit after that because he was the sweetest candy I could bite into but he was also an 18-year-old boy.

After the sex, there was the headwork he may or may not have attempted to do before I redirected him to the proper location of the clit. He wasn't bad, much better than anything Will or other losers had done, but he was a man boy and I enlisted myself to be the girl that all his future girlfriends would thank for teaching him how to fuck.

He was sweet as a teddy bear. I pictured him as a little cub bear and me as the pot of honey he was holding. After we had finished for the first time, I went up to pee and he disposed of the condom. He had placed his boxers and shirt on when I had returned. I prepared to dress myself, he grabbed hold of my hand, smooth like a baby's skin, and didn't say anything. He tugged me toward his bed and when he laid down, he pulled me beside him. 

I'm sure my look was one of peculiarity causing him to respond with "Come on, Janie, you love my blankets so much."

Alex mindread that I was uncomfortable. I felt naked because I was naked. He handed me my clothes. We were still awkward and gangly teenagers and the idea of wearing one another's clothes was a distant thought. I placed my bra and panties on for good measure, not wanting to wrinkle the rest of my clothes. 

I lay beside him on his bed. He rounded his arm over my shoulder and we both stared up at his ceiling. I was being gnawed away inside by one thing, so I asked, "Why'd you change your mind?"

"Me mind on what?" He questioned.

He was warm. Heat radiated off his body and mind. We had both turned to lie on our sides. We faced one another but our eyes were darting over the other's body, at least Alex's were. I focused on the way his hair looked perfect despite what we had just done. "Kissing me. Last year, which might be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life and that's saying something."

He tilted his head down to look me in the eye. "I didn't really know you then."

"I've done a lot more with guys I've known a lot less," I said it lightheartedly but he seemed to take it seriously. He has always been more stoic about these things. 

Alex dithered in his mind. Then, he reached his hand out and held my side. It was a slow-moving force pulling me to him. "You're my friend. Matt told me about these conversations you'd have over a smoke. Then, we had our talk outside The Grapes. I couldn't help—I'm not sure who wouldn't want to talk to you."

I almost laughed. It felt ridiculous the notion that people enjoyed hearing me talk. I had spent a whole life being yelled at not to talk at the dinner table, to be seen, not heard, to sit up straight and mind my business, and to not interrupt when my father was talking. I thought of words as something to fill a void in our lives. I wrote my words away and locked them up and wondered: who would ever want to read what I had to say, think, feel? Al.

Alex continued, "And I know you now. I know you differently, but your reputation preceded you."

"As a slut?" I replied.

He didn't reject the idea, although he shook his head. It wasn't something he could highly reject because everyone knew it was true. I didn't have such a problem with it then. When Arctic Monkeys got famous, in turn Alex, and in turn me as his girlfriend, the word felt different. Maybe because it wasn't who I was anymore. I hadn't been in a long time. I was also a university student shying away from my past adventures, unable to shed my skin like everyone else. I was also more than Al's girlfriend. I was more to Alex himself than I was just his girlfriend.

"I didn't want to be bedded, I suppose," Alex admitted. "I didn't want to never see you again."

"You would have seen me again," I insisted.

"From the corner of a party?"

"We didn't see much of each other anyway after that."

"I know. Eventually, we did. And I don't know how many times we would have sat with each other writing instead of shagging."

"You think we couldn't control ourselves?" I teased.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Did we just have sex with each other or was that your evil twin?"

I laughed and pushed him back. I sat up and pulled my skirt on. "So now you don't care about our writing?"

"I figured I'd just give you a little inspiration."

I whipped him with my top. We had exploded into laughter and, once again, he was right.

*

In my first year of knowing Alex, we had developed this fantasy of escaping England. While I had a privileged life traveling to places that likely gave me skin cancer, I had never had fun doing it. My mother often weighed things down, splashed out on the bottle since Tom, my eldest brother, died in 1996. Trips weren't pleasant before then but there wasn't much need to put on an effort after that. Places where drinking was encouraged and never discouraged were key. Vegas, The Bahamas, Cancún, etc. It sounded fun to me in the moment until I realized I'd be spending months trapped with my drunk mother, groaning father, and poor Stacey. Harper and Greg got out of it once they graduated from university.

I told Alex all of this early on, at some point in one of our first writing sessions. The idea came up every once in a while. Often after we'd have sex. I'd lay in his arms (something we started doing out of convenience since Al's bed was too small, of course, this continued to my bed, despite its much larger size) and we'd be heavy and rushed, staring at the ceiling, completely caught up in one another. He'd sigh and say, "Where do you want to go today, Janie?"

It became a tradition, continuing to this day. I'd list off a new place I wanted to go. When it first started it was my dream destinations, then Alex kept telling me to find new places and research, which I did. I would later graduate with A-levels in geography.

"I'd like to go to LA. I've never been to LA." I was on top of his chest. It was late one night at my house and I often wondered if anyone knew we existed. We were hidden away in this cocoon with only each other to survive. It felt fitting. It has always felt like there is room for the two of us, never too close together, never too far apart. 

Alex was tender with me. In the early stages, we acted awkward with one another, but it never felt awkward. Each step was some natural continuation even if it was performed weirdly. We weren't dating but I knew I loved Alex. I felt he loved me too by the way he clumsily petted my shiny hair back. "I went to Disney once with me grandmother."

"I want to go to Joshua Tree," I told him.

"Like the U2 album?"

I laughed. "It's a National Park, you idiot."

"Oh," he chuckled, "you and your parks. You're always wanting me to exercise. You think I'm unfit." Alex spoke jokingly but I got the feeling that parts of him did have concern over his body. He buried so much down that I think he couldn't even feel it at times.

The way his hand moved down my hair calmed me. I figured it might do the same for him. I brushed back his hair, out of his eyes and pushed back. I smiled at him and the fact I was lying on his bare chest after a round of pretty great sex should have been clue enough. "You're the fittest man at Barnsley College."

"Oh, fuck off, Janie. Ya play with me heart too much." 

I didn't know what else to say, so I just kissed him.

*

I don't know if no one ever found out, but nobody said anything. I figure most people guessed we were already doing it considering the ribbing Matt would give Alex sometimes. Everyone was too caught up in themselves anyway. Or maybe the whole Joanie and Matt drama when they broke up in the first week of April, got back together the second week of April, and then called it quits in the third week of April. Alex will deny ever caring about this gossip circus but we had too many intense debriefs on drives from Barnsley for him ever to get away with it.

Alex and I also talked about everything anyway. I'll we ever did was talk and fuck but I think that's what most of existence is anyway. Although, we took it to another level. The only place we didn't talk was a writing session but they were starting to grow farther apart and more an excuse to have sex & talk than to write.

I think I had never met someone willing to talk in such a way. We talked about intelligent things, dumb things, and, mostly, pointless things. Everything got rather complicated around April with people splitting up, splitting off, and looking to split. Somehow—and I really don't know how, considering how dumb and immature I was—Alex and I stayed intact. Alex deserves some credit but not all. He was the glue but I was still the piece he glued himself to.

We still weren't "official" or had a label but I wasn't seeing anyone else and neither was he. Even if we wanted to see other people there wasn't enough time because we were always hanging out with each other.

Except one thing. The future. I had decided to go to the University of Greenwich in the fall and Alex was going to focus on the band. Only I would be down in London, he would remain up North. I had a hard time believing that graduating from Barnsley wasn't graduating from us. There was still the promise of summer and Alex, more determined than ever, was playing gigs non-stop.

My mother was planning some bon voyage trip for me, although the destination had not been determined and it was sure to be more about her than me.

Before Alex could ask me his usual post-coitus question, I asked, "What if we went on a trip?"

We were lying side-by-side like bodies in a crypt. He stretched himself out with a moan. "Where would we go?"

"Hmmm, Japan?"

Alex chuckled. "You want to go to Japan?"

I sat up straight and stared at him. "What's so funny about that?"

"You think I can afford a trip to Japan?"

"Okay, what about France? We could take the train to Paris."

Alex's eyes squinted. He had detected the clear reason. He asked me, "Where are your parents going this summer?"

"I haven't been told yet." I was trying to act nonchalant. I threw my hair up, swung my legs over his bed, and dressed myself in underwear and my shirt. 

"Do you even know if they let you?"

I shrugged. "If we plan the whole thing they can't deny it. We should buy the tickets right away." I hopped onto his bed, giddy. The idea of a month away from them was glorious. I imagined a week in Paris with Alex as romantic as teenagers could be. We'd be rough and dirty and then go out and have dinner over candlelight while looking at the Eiffel Tower. I mocked the idea in my head but couldn't deny myself the pleasure of thinking about it. About him, scruffy and boyish, wrapped in a tuxedo. After the week was up, I'd have the house to myself, and Alex could come over and we could do whatever we wanted. I could throw a party with everyone I knew and people I didn't. I could throw a party just for him. 

I crawled toward him on the bed. He chuckled at my preying behavior, marching my way toward him. "We should get a hotel and it doesn't have to be fancy. In fact, let's get a really shitty hotel. Like one that doesn't have a toilet but also doesn't have bed bugs."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around my neck. I was pulled into him with a thud. It was a kiddish hug, like two children fighting on the playground. "It sounds nice." His tone said it all—slow, comforting, and never-going-to-happen. My parents would likely find a way to get a refund on everything or let the money wash down the drain. I didn't have much of a right to complain about the life they had given me. We'd likely go to some fabulous island and bake our skin. I had no problem with the islands. I had issues with the company.

Alex let me breathe and stood up to dress himself. He turned around and said, "I have something to show you."

I relaxed with my elbows on my knees and looked at him with eager eyes. He grabbed something out of a bag in the corner of the room and walked it back over to me with it hidden behind his back. He looked sheepish (more than usual). "We, uh, recorded some demos at that 2fly, you remember I told you about that." I nodded. He was fidgety and rubbing his hair. "Anyways, we burned them into CDs." He revealed the jewel case from behind his back. "For helping me out and all that, you know," he allowed himself to let out a chuckle, "I figured you deserve the first copy free."

He handed it over to me. There was artwork by Matt inserted into the front and a small tracklist on the back with about 6 songs on it. I tried to find the CD about a month ago after a curious individual asked to see it. Like most things from those early days, it's likely been disposed of somewhere between London and Wakefield. There were so many of those CDs that Alex eventually became less nervous to hand over to me first to get my review. One of them is likely stuck in my mother's old CD rack that she gave away once she discovered Pandora.

"You know where I'm going to listen to this first?" I asked him. My smile overwhelmed me. Alex's interest in my opinion was a boost of confidence that it seems weird to think where we would both be without the other, solely from the other's encouragement, even in separation.

"Where?" He grinned back at me.

"In my car while I'm driving you to work." I teased as he groaned and covered his ears dramatically. 

I continued, "If you make me drive you to work it's what you get."

He laid back on the width of his bed. "I'm giving you a gift and you're punishing me."

I rolled my eyes. "You complain about Sugababes, you complain about your own band. Do you want to just sit in silence?"

"We talk over all that music anyway." Alex had a point.

I leaned over him to make eye contact with him. "So does it matter what we play anyway?"

"I can't listen to meself and talk at the same time. And I'd like for you to be able to hear the thing and tell me what you think."

I sighed. "Alright. Who else are you giving them to?"

Alex shrugs. "Me parents maybe. Whoever buys them."

I scoffed.

"What?"

I shook my head and sat back on top of my feet. "Nothing."

Alex smiled and shook his head. "No, no, no, out with it."

"Who's going to buy some rubbish CD?" I questioned.

"Hey!" He sat up. "You haven't even listened to it and you're already telling me it's rubbish."

I tilted my head. "I'm not saying that. I'm saying the general audience member isn't going to drop 5 quid on some CD when they could use the money for something else. I'm not saying people won't buy it. But I wouldn't."

Alex scoffed. "Me own girlfriend won't buy me CD." 

I stilled for a moment and tried my best to not be obvious about my reaction. The word rolled off his mouth so I was going to let it roll off my back. Maybe we were dating. Was this dating? To me, it was a glorified bang. A friends-with-benefits situation with his chauffeur. I wasn't opposed to the idea. I wasn't over the moon that dating Alex would mean just this. Sex in his bedroom while we talked for an hour until I drove him to work. Maybe that's what dating was, even if no one knew about it. In the following years, dating Alex would mean just this. Not fully, but mostly talking and sex in a bedroom that wasn't mine. At least, I didn't have to drive him after 2006.

"I'm not saying that but it is a rare thing for me to buy a CD at a random gig, especially if you aren't the headliners," I explained.

He laughed and asked, "What do I do with all the ones we made?"

I tossed my head around and suggested, "Give them away."

"What to Salvation Army?"

I giggled and moved over him. My arms were on both sides of his head, closing in on him like a praying mantis. "No, at your gigs. You've got good tunes—"

"A few good," Alex interjected.

I rolled my eyes and continued, "You've got good tunes and people love free stuff."

"Who knew for a posh girl you were so giving?" He taunted me.

I pushed on him, rolling him down the length of his bed. "I am not posh! Take that back right now."

"You were just complaining over your month-long trip to The Bahamas. That's as posh as it gets." He was teasing but it felt like an insult. I always hated coming off as an ungrateful spoiled brat. I knew in some regard I was. When I wanted to get what I wanted it was an advantage. When I had to spend time with my family, it was a disadvantage. Even if he was right, it felt mean.

I removed myself from him and stood up. "I drive you everywhere you wanker and you grumble out some thank you and think it's alright because I let you fuck me."

The smile faded from his face and he sat up stiffly. "Huh?"

"And that!" I pointed my finger at him. "Those one-word responses that you do to placate me."

He furrowed his brows. "I'm not placating you."

"If anyone is posh, it's you." If I looked around the room at that moment, posh would not be the word to describe it. He had a point, my house was pretty posh. "You take advantage of people and twist them all about for your pleasure."

"What the fuck is going on?" My outburst was a clear whiplash.

I jutted out my head. "You insult me and you played these mind games with me for a year. You basically called me a slut and now I'm a posh bitch."

"I never said that." He was calm. It was infuriating. 

"You just did!"

"No, I didn't!"

We were two school children fighting. Squabbling over something stupid and throwing petty insults.

"Whatever, Alex." I quickly dragged on my jeans and grabbed my bag. "Who's gonna drive you now?"

"Where you going?" He stood up and walked over to my side of the room.

I turned around and walked down the stairs. "To my million-dollar mansion!" It wasn't a good comeback. It just proved his point more. Now I was a posh slut hot-headed bitch.

*

The following morning, my mother met Alex for the first time. She had opened the door for him when he knocked and yelled up to me getting ready in my room to come downstairs. In the great impression I made to act bratty back to her, yelling back down to her that I was getting ready. After she insisted loudly, I came downstairs. Alex was standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, and eyes on me. 

I left the house to at least get us away from my mother. "Why are you here?" I asked him once we'd made it down the front steps.

"I'm giving you a ride."

I walked ahead of him, refusing to look for fear of overcoming emotion. I didn't want to calm down and his face with sorrowful innocence spread across it would have made me feel bad. "I don't need you to grovel."

"I'm not groveling." Alex has the aura of chill that washes over you. It's good in moments of panic, it's enraging in fights. 

My feet stomped hard as I marched to my car. "Don't play the denying game. It's so fucking annoying."

"I called you posh and you're flipping out. That's pretty fucking annoying."

I slammed open my car door. "You're always undercutting me."

His brows furrowed. "No, I'm not. You take everything as some insult against you. It was a dumb joke."

He was right. I didn't want him to be right. "Whatever, Al. Good luck with everything." 

I got into my car intending to drive off quickly until he hopped into the passenger seat. "I'm not driving you."

Alex ignored me and picked up the CD sitting on the car floor. "Did you listen to it?" He handed it over to me.

I snatched it out of his hand. "No," I shoved it back into his chest, "you can have it back too. Don't need to take pity on a rich girl."

"Come on, Janie—"

I interrupted, "Can you get out of my car please?"

He accepted my expression. The car fell silent and a moment later he nodded and got out of the car, CD in hand. I waited until he drove away to make sure we wouldn't run into one another in the parking lot. It was an overreaction on my part, I knew it even then, but doubling down made more sense to me than admitting any wrongdoing.

*

We didn't avoid each other. It was kind of hard to do since our whole friend groups became intertwined. Matt and Joanie breaking up reduced our likelihood of us hanging out but Matt was still one of my friends and we still shared a class together. Alex didn't tell Matt so I didn't either. We hung out in group circles on opposite sides. Not much had changed from before, no one really knew that anything more had been going on so we never had to explain ourselves.

We didn't hang out one-on-one anymore. College would be over in a month and after that, the chance of me ever seeing Alex again would diminish to a minimum. I would be in London and he would be stuck in Sheffield. It gave me pride even though I knew, deep down swallowed in my stomach, that I might not have gone to London if it weren't for Alex. I shook it off. I wasn't—and still won't—credit a guy for advancements I've made in my life through my own doing.

Matt invited me to their end-of-the-school-year gig at The Grapes but I didn't go. I, ashamedly so, hung out with Will instead. I felt kind of over that point in my life. All the blokes in Yorkshire felt old and I had an idea in my head that I'd meet my guy, the perfect guy, in London. Smoking a blunt with Will wouldn't change that. Having sex with him wouldn't change that either.

At night, in the moments before sleep fully swept me away, I had this thought that replayed in my head, despite my frustration with it. I had the vision that Alex would corner me in the parking lot again. He would shove the CD across the roof of my car, we'd hop in and drive around listening to it, even if he hated the sound of his voice. It never happened. Not even close.

I made no effort to talk to him and he made no effort to talk to me. I think people started to pick up on that. Claire asked me about it once when everyone was out for a night. I shrugged but didn't say anything.

It was weird for our whole relationship to be over abruptly over something that seemed stupid to me even then. I was mad at myself for not doing anything to change but I also didn't want to do anything to change it because Alex wasn't doing anything. I figured he didn't care much. Had his fill and went on to the next, which I know he did.

At the party where Claire asked me about Alex, he was in the corner doing his usual routine with a new move: kissing. I was mad but I knew I didn't have the right to be mad and that made me madder. Why was he willing to kiss this random girl after a night but didn't bother with me for months? I didn't think highly of Alex after that. I didn't think highly of myself either.

*

A week after graduation my family went to Monaco. My mother has always had an unhealthy obsession with Grace Kelly so much so that she had dyed her hair to look like her. My father liked gambling and the Grand Prix. 

The vacation was more fun than I thought it would be. There's not much to do in Monaco so Stacey and I would sneak off into France. It wasn't my ideal vacation and there were plenty of somber tones throughout the month of June but I wouldn't trade anything for the days Stacey and I had. It was the first time we got along fully, with no fighting, bonded completely by necessity at first, and then, eventually, wanting to hang out with one another.

Much like the year prior, when I came back in July, Joanie invited me to her birthday party. The details of her and Matt were iffily given to me over emails. They had gotten back together sometime at the tail-end of June but decided on being friends, which probably looked more like when Alex and I were "friends" or whatever he was calling it.

Joanie's party was small because she only had one request: to get out of Yorkshire. The original plan was for us all to go down to London but AB had to work the next day and refused to wrangle a herd of sheep on a 3-hour train ride. Claire's dad lives in Manchester so Joanie decided she wanted a night of pubbing in Manchester.

Joanie, Claire, and I took the train over early that day and got ready in Claire's bedroom, which likely hadn't been slept in since before Y2K. We had our usual getting-ready conversation. Promises of "getting so fucked up tonight" and desire to get the best lay. We didn't address it but we knew it would likely be one of the last big nights we all had together. 

The trio of us might have planned out staying best friends forever but we were all going in separate directions. Joanie would study at Leeds Trinity and Claire would go to Aston. While rough plans were promised to meet up at the halfway point of Birmingham, it was never fulfilled. Our time together after that summer was mostly reserved for holidays and then, as we got even more spread out across the globe, reunions at weddings, baby showers, and Joanie's divorce party last year, which might have been decently akin to this night.

We arrived at the club, pre-gamed, and ready to wait in the queue. The Monkeys were there in full form, AB cozied up to Claire, Rosie and Will were in the throes again, and those other participants that aren't important to the story, even if dear Jenny let me use the bathroom before her.

I was in the back with Claire, in a skirt that felt too short and too tight. Alex stood at the front of the queue with Matt. He was swaddled in a black jumper and had a haircut since I had been gone. They had been playing basement gigs throughout the summer. I heard the crowds had been getting bigger and it felt weird not to be witness to that after seeing them play in empty rooms. 

When the front of the queue had been reached, there had been some disagreement with the bouncers that caused Joanie to slide up next to Matt and pout, "Matty, come on." Either way, Alex looked scared out of his mind, Andy looked higher than a kite, Jamie was spitting some gibberish out at the bouncers, and Will attempted to slip the bouncers cash, which ended up pissing them off even more. 

Now, at the time, I wasn't aware of the importance of this incident. To me, it was the usual behavior for a Saturday night in July, besides the fact that nearly everyone I knew had become involved in this row. To Claire and me in the back, we couldn't help but laugh at the whole scene as AB attempted to referee only for Rosie to unintentionally punch him in the face.

At the time, it was a simple, funny moment. The club also happened to be named The Ritz, which would later be progressed by "to the Rubble" famously.

After the whole ordeal, we landed at some other, much less notable club. Joanie seemed disappointed but celebrated herself nonetheless.

I ended up sitting next to Alex after a round of nonconsensual musical chairs. We didn't talk at all. It was just some awkward side-by-side thing like kids being forced to take a picture together. His knee rubbed up against mine and it felt illegal to feel anything for it, even if I was rattled by it.

I abruptly stood up and walked outside for a cigarette. He had been shy the whole night. He had always been shy. I don't know what made him get the courage to come out and talk to me but the second I took my first drag, he was standing beside me.

"Was Monaco fun?" He was being nice but it felt awkward and stiff and my back hurt from looking at him.

I nodded and stared at him intently. 

He nodded and leaned beside me on the wall.

"Basement shows fun?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, suppose."

"Lot more people coming," I told him what I had heard.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't my idea to give the CDs away."

A chill went up my spine. I dared myself to remain cool. "You're doing that?"

He nodded as I looked on at him, but he stared forward and didn't say anything.

The silence ached around us. My body felt ill from shoving everything down inside. There wasn't much of a point anymore to try and faze him out. He had made the approach, now I had to make mine. The only thing that gave me enough courage was that if it all went bad I'd be out of here within a month and never have to face him again.

"I'm sorry about what happened in May." We had switched positions this time. I gazed onward as he looked over at me. I felt embarrassed to look him in the eye like a bucket of shame would fall on me as soon as I did.

Alex shook his head and looked down at his shoes giving me an excuse to look at him. He looked more timid than I had ever seen him with me. His hands shoved deep in his pockets and he was slouched over like he had worked a desk job for 40 years. "It's alright. Shouldn't've said anything about your family. Shouldn't have said any of it."

"It's fine," I mumbled.

It was quiet. Mutters from pub chaos spilled out onto the street but Alex and I were silent. He shifted at one point and I thought he was about to leave but he pulled out his own cigarette from his pack. I was shocked by the profound hurt I felt from it. That he didn't ask for a drag of mine first before stealing one from my pack, handing me his lighter, and having me do the honors. 

"You got that Boardwalk gig coming up in August, right?" I wanted to go but almost felt I needed permission to go.

He nodded. "When are you leaving for London?"

"September 5. Getting settled down there before classes start and all." An anchor hung on my heart and I regretted, hated, and scathed myself for ignoring him all summer. I tried to reason that he did the same but my mind always replayed shoving him out of my car over and over again.

"You excited?"

I was short because I think pain would have overcome me if I had spoken about it more. "Mhmm."

I hadn't left the door open for him to say more and I didn't quite know what to say either. We had never lacked flow in our conversations before. I was then struck by how a little over a year ago, Alex and I spoke for the first time. I wanted the wit. I wanted the charm. I wanted him to stare me down and tell me everything about myself. I feel like I had discouraged that out of him and I was miserable at the thought he would never tell me how he knew me again.

And then he scuffed out his cigarette and turned to walk back into the pub and the only thought in my mind was that I would never see him again. Maybe off chances around town or through parties that Joanie would insist on throwing in the winter but I would never be stuck outside a pub smoking a cigarette with him again. I collapsed inward.

"Was I your girlfriend?" I shouted out to him. I wasn't sure what else to ask. In my quick thinking, it seemed like the most likely thing to make him stay.

Alex stilled and I felt like I was in a movie. It might as well have been raining and he was Spider-Man or something. He didn't move and he didn't say anything like he was convinced that I was a figment of his imagination.

After a period of no replies, I explained, "You said it before we had our fight and I never got to ask you if you really meant it or if it was a slip of the tongue."

He turned around and walked back over. He leaned his side against the wall and crossed his arms. Anyone who says suave Alex Turner didn't show up until a 2011 haircut wasn't acquainted with the behavior of Alex Turner outside a pub in the early aughts. "I don't know."

He was evasive, per usual. "Did you want me to be?"

Alex mulled something over, thought up and down about it before answering, "Yeah, I think so. I thought about it a lot. Did you?"

He flipped it on me and my back was both literally and figuratively up against the wall. "Yeah. I thought about it too much really. Practically writing Alexander David Turner and Jane Rebecca Turner in a heart on the back of my notebook."

"Rebecca?" He questioned.

I rolled my eyes. "Stop it." He chuckled and I wanted to swim around him in delight.

"Nothing wrong with Rebecca." He insisted. "Shall I start calling you Becky?"

"Stop, you're lucky I even let you call me Janie."

"What's wrong with Janie?"

I shrugged. "I've never liked it. My dad calls me Janie."

"I would've stopped if you told me you didn't like it."

I shook my head. "I didn't want you to. Truth be told."

"Okay, Janie," he enunciated. 

I smiled and felt like everything—nearly everything—had snapped back into place. Then, he leaned in and kissed me. His lips were soft and felt light-headed, likely due more to dehydration but I'm sure Alex triggered it. 

But I pushed him back with an insistent shake of my head. "I'm sorry."

He looked solemn but he nodded and said, "It's fine."

I wanted to. I wanted him all over me, twisting about inside me, and creeping through every corner. "No. I just—in a month, I'll be too far away for you to even remember my face. I'd rather we at least be friends."

Alex nodded. There was something hidden beneath him but I was never able to place my finger on quite what he was thinking then. Although, he smiled and said, "You'll always be my friend, Janie."

I don't quite remember the rest of the night. It was a drink-covered night and a headache-filled morning. I tried not to dwell and for the most part, I didn't, until the train ride home when I thought how nice it would have been to rest my head on Alex's shoulder.

*

Their Boardwalk gig, stuck in the basement of The Boardwalk, took place about 3 weeks before I was due to leave and like most people when change is about to happen, I became nostalgic for everything. Everything felt like a last time and I wanted to grip at everything while I had the chance.

Since Alex and I reconnected, not much had changed. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since we were outside the pub but when Matt told me how cool it would be if I came to The Boardwalk gig, I considered it to be an invite approved by Alex.

I wore jeans and my first University of Greenwich t-shirt, which I know I still have because, despite the wear and tear from the years, I still wear it. 

The gig felt more electric and rambunctious than any of their other gigs from the moment you walked in. It was the first time I couldn't see the stage at one of their gigs. People were all piled up in the front. Now, it still was nowhere near the level that they would become, not even near the level it was just a couple of months later, but it felt as though I had gone away and they returned with an army.

When they entered the stage, you would have thought people had been set on fire. It felt bizarre. Alex seemed so meek, yet so commanding. They stood, said nothing, before banging into "I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor."

I had never heard the song before but people writhed along to the beat in an intense fashion. I was situated in the back and mostly uninterrupted by any knocking about. I sometimes enjoyed a good crashing into one another but alone in that hot basement, I was focused on Alex. More importantly, what Alex was saying.

Moreso, just one line he was singing, "Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984." I threw my head back in laughter because my perception of it was Alex giving me a nod in one of his songs. I didn't read into it. He's a writer. He's an observer.

When the gig ended, in a rushed sweaty manner, I was quick to leave, not wanting to be squashed in the crowd. I went outside for fresh air and enjoyed a smoke. It hit me after a breeze that he wrote a song about me. Now, I'm one easy to fall for flattery when it isn't there but come on! He wrote that song about me!

I smiled to myself as their equipment van, also known as Matt's mum's van, pulled up. I stayed positioned on the wall and finished my smoke as I watched them load up the vehicle. 

Matt was the first to notice me. "How long you been watching us?

"Only a few minutes!" I yelled back. I noticed the way Alex's head turned and can still picture the look on his face to this day. You'd feel dimwitted for every decision you made prior that didn't result in that look on his face.

Alex excused himself from the group and made his way over to me. "I'm not gonna give you one of my cigarettes, Turner."

He chuckled. "Shush. Matt's mum can't know I smoke."

My head leaned back against the wall and his frame was right before me. "You were pretty great tonight."

"That your review?" Alex has often said and written about girls having him twisted around their fingers, but he must be acting humble because he had me twisted about his. He was leaning over me in some screwy blue tee with definite pit stains. It was the most charming thing I had seen at 18. 20 years later, it's still in my top 5.

"I haven't put it in writing yet."

"Ah, so I'll get a formal review from Ms. Cavendish. Shall it be printed up in The Star?" He teased me.

"Pft," I uttered, "you aren't big enough for The Star. Maybe the Barnsley College Chronicle."

He shrugged. "Well, you're a good writer. It'll be good no matter where it's printed."

"You've never read anything I've written," I pointed out.

"On the contrary, I read your emails all the time—"

I jabbed his upper arm. "Your eloquence is paralyzing. What about your song tonight?"

Man was cheeky. "Which one?" 

"Oh, I don't know, there was the one about the train, the one about the shoes, the one about the schoolgirl, and the one about me."

"Oh, okay," he tilted his head and nodded in understanding before deadpanning, "Yeah, that doesn't narrow it down for me. You're a schoolgirl with shoes who I've seen take the train before."

"I think you've got your next big hit there, Al, 'You're A Schoolgirl With Shoes Who I've Seen Take the Train Before' sounds like a Top 40 tune."

Then, he looked serious, completely twisted. "Do you want to go back to my house?"

I joked, "I'm not a hooker, Al."

He laughed then grabbed my arm and dragged me behind him like a ragdoll. "I've got something to give ya."

30 minutes later, on the edge of his bed, I watched Alex dig around in his dresser drawers. "Are you looking for a gun or something?"

"Well, I might as well be playing Russian roulette with this."

I frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Alex kept scouring through his drawers. He stopped, pulled something out and held it behind his back. It was exactly like what preempted our fight. Exactly. He handed the CD to me for the second time. "Still free," Alex promised.

I smiled and grabbed it off him. "I won't throw a bitch fit this time, I swear."

"Nah, you're alright. A little bossy but..."

I didn't fight him. I examined the CD once again, noticing "Dancefloor" on the tracklist. "Did you really write a song for me?"

"Well, it was more for the band but if you want to sing it you can."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "So much for being sweet." He sat beside me, not touching, but close enough. 

For the first time ever, I opened the CD's jewel case. The CD had "Jane C." written on it in Al's handwriting. A piece of paper was wedged in the corner of the case. I pulled the paper free. It was a note, a short one, but Alex's pen had scrawled across it. It read: Don't make fun of me, Jane, I can't help that you've twisted me around you.

I looked up at him, voice caught in my throat and heart pounding, but he was coyly looking off to the side. "Was this in here when you first gave it to me?"

He nodded. "Figured you never—hoped you never opened it. It was some soppy note but I figure you should have it. I don't need any more CDs."

I looked back down at the CD. Everything was plain-looking but, to me, it was crafted just for me. The way the J swung up in my name and the note had sat perfectly in the clip. "Am I a jerk?" I certainly felt like one.

Alex was quick to shake his head. "No."

I heavily blew air out, trying to contain something inside me. "I feel like one."

He insisted, "You're not a jerk or a dickhead or a bitch or whatever you want to beat yourself up with." His arm curled around me but didn't touch me. I felt like I was Medusa, scaring him off.

"I'm an idiot. I had to throw some hissy fit over you calling me posh. How stupid is that?"

Alex failed to hide his laughter but told me, "You're not stupid."

"Just emotionally inept." He didn't protest to that. Back then I wanted to grow up and be mature so quickly that I struggled with the fact that at 18 I wasn't supposed to know how to handle these situations, especially with adult emotionally inept role models.

Alex brought a more somber tone to the conversation. "Consider it my parting gift for London. You can play it and think of me if you want to do that."

I felt constrained. "I'd want to do that."

He gave me a small smile but the room had fallen low and melancholic. There was nothing more to say and everything to say. I had bit back things for so long in my life that it felt natural when a dream died. The ache it usually caused had grown numb but this time I was dealing with a pounding on my chest that threatened to crack my ribs.

"You can kiss me if you want," I uttered.

"What?" He questioned. His look was buggy-eyed and furrowed.

"Come on, that line has got to work at some point," I joked. 

He shook his head back and forth in short movements. His confusion was palpable. "Do you want that? I mean, after the Manchester thing."

I felt confident in myself. Boosted up and sitting up straight. "Yeah. But I don't want to go to London and listen to your CD and think of how I could've been thinking of the summer I spent with my boyfriend instead of a guy who became a sudden stranger."

"What do you want to go to London with?"

I looked over at him and fractions of seconds passed like minutes. "It feels ridiculous to settle things down now."

Alex must have started feeling bold. A grin wedged on his face and he knocked his knee with mine. "You want me to be your boyfriend, Janie?"

I groaned. "When you say it that way it becomes all dorky. Like, 'Do you want to hold hands and skip down the prairie?'"

He chuckled. "Then, what do you want me to say? 'Get down and suck my cock.'"

I rolled my eyes. "Your vulgarity is too alarming for me."

"Yeah, well, we've beaten around it enough." Alex took me off guard and pulled me around the waist and landed us with our backs on his bed.

I put my hand on his chest to keep my distance. "I don't want this to be it. I'm sick of all this bon voyage shite. So, if this is some goodbye fuck to you—"

He interrupted and tugged me to him. We were both on our sides, chest-to-chest. "We've got a whole month of fucks before a goodbye one."

It lit fires on both ends of my coil and they both engulfed the ends of me before forcing themselves inward to my heart. "What if I don't want the goodbye one?"

Alex pulled me closer, desperate but letting me talk. "Then, I'll take the train down to London whenever you need it. Don't act like you're going off to war, Janie. I'll make my way to you."

That fulfilled me to no end. I can still feel the burst of that comment pushing in on me. I can think of the way he said every word and how halfway through he pushed my hair behind my ear so tenderly that I think it left a brush burn on me forever. 

"So, if I call you at 3 in the morning and beg you to come take care of me you will?" I quipped.

He smirked. "Well, I'd like to see you beg."

I rolled my eyes. "Dirty, dirty, dirty."

"I'm likely only a kiss away from fucking you if you'll ever let me." His nose almost knocked with mine. The room would have felt on fire if the window wasn't open letting the night air suppress the sweat.

"Sounds like you are begging."

We kissed and then we had sex. It was quick and sloppy, limbs flying and desperation influencing every move. It wasn't about want or desire anymore, it was about filling a need. I didn't stay at his house for long. I snuck out to avoid his parents catching on and texted him when I got home. The height of 2000s romance.

Finally, I listened to the CD. I'm not sure when I went to sleep that night but when I woke up it felt like I had never slept. I was buzzed in every way and he was parasitic. My every thought.

Later that day, I told Claire and Joanie what had happened while we shopped. Joanie, who had recently decided to never speak to Matt again, told me, "Pft, good luck with those rockstars."

Claire's brows furrowed. "They play shows in club basements. I hardly think they're rockstars."

"All I'm saying is don't put your heart into him too heavy, especially moving away. Jane, what were you thinking?" Joanie questioned.

I shrugged. "I don't want to question it for the rest of my life. If it doesn't work out, I'll never have to see him again. If it does, which I'm not fooling myself that we're going to get married, but if it does work out then what a great story it'll make."

"Joanie's gotten jaded," Claire said. "I think it's romantic. Who made the first move?"

I squinted. "That's debatable. I made a move about a year ago and he turned me down."

"What?!" Joanie yelled out. "How come we didn't hear about it?"

I shrugged. "I was a little embarrassed, I think. That's all."

Claire prodded me for more. "Who kissed who?"

"He did back in March," I said it all nonchalantly and I knew what kind of reaction I was trying to provoke in them.

Both their sets of hands stopped moving through the clothing racks and both heads turned in a snap toward me, their jaws dropped down. "What?!"

*

We didn't hide it from that point on. There wasn't much sense in keeping it under wraps, especially since we both knew what it meant. Matt insisted he knew all along, which he didn't. 

That period in August was hot and muddy but it was a time I looked at fondly even in the moment. I had a feeling in me of remembrance. Desperate for every detail to be implanted and forcing myself to not forget one single thing. I suppose some had slipped away but the rest I've held on tightly to.

There was one evening, a rare hangout with the Monkeys, AB, Claire, and me, where we sat around watching movies at Andy's house because his parents were out of town. There wasn't much nefarious activity besides blunts being passed. I don't even think anybody drank a beer or anything. 

Al and I shared one between us while we watched 2 Fast 2 Furious and I chanted things into his ear like "The cars. They are just so fast." The spliff injected rare public affection in me. (Christ, Alex and I didn't even hold hands in public until we were 22). He was laid down in the corner of the settee and I placed my back onto his chest. My head wedged into the crook of his neck and he sat his chin on top of my head. His arms were around me and I played with his hands more than I paid attention to the movie. It was a comfort I had never felt and I'm not sure, even after many more years with Alex, I ever felt again.

*

I like Alex's sternum. Alex says it's one of the weirdest things about me. Once in an interview, I was asked what my favourite body part of his was and when I answered with sternum it wasn't the expected response. Yes, he's got a lovely head of hair. Yes, those arms are nice. Yes, the ass, I've seen it, I've squeezed it. Yes, his dick, which is just a weird way of people wanting to know the specific enlargement or shrink of a certain body point. Aren't all those questions weird roundabout ways of asking dick length?

His sternum is hard as most bones are but there's a soft layer of skin that covers it and the way his chest dips makes me convinced that it was molded inward for me. Somewhere around our last week together, when it was the two of us, I got into the habit of placing my head there. It turned into instinct. We didn't talk much in those moments. Faded in between a deep sleep and deep lust. I had never wanted him more and I never wanted to do him less. I wanted to eat him alive and then I wanted to cuddle him in my arms. It felt natural to just be with him. No muss, no fuss, no expectations, or preconceived notions. I had never felt that before.

"What if I meet this super hot guy in London and he hits on me and I tell him I have a boyfriend and he's all like 'Your boyfriend doesn't need to know' and I'm all like 'I don't want to lie to him' and he's also like Jude Law or something." It was September 1. I was rambling. His chest moved rhythmically up...down...up...down.

"Jude Law is your type?" He questioned.

"He's just the first person I thought of."

Alex hummed. "I would've thought you were more of a Hugh Grant."

I sat up with a gasp and laid my hands on top of his chest. "I totally am more a Hugh Grant."

Alex tapped his temple. "I've got you down, Cavendish. You're all memorized."

"So, what if I told you I was running off with Hugh Grant?" I asked him.

"Didn't he get caught with a prostitute?" 

I stared at him. "This is all besides the point. Hot Guy tries to steal me away. What do you do?"

Alex sighed. "Do you want the realistic version or the fantasy version?"

"The fantasy version, of course." The real version was obvious. We'd break up. I didn't want that and I didn't want Hugh Grant. 

"Alright," he said. I laid back down beside him and his arm curled its way around me. "I would fly to London, this is an urgent matter."

"Precisely. You only have a set amount of time before Evil Hot Guy takes me away."

"I would track you down and kick his ass."

My grin fell. "Oh, that's it. That wasn't very fantastical."

Alex caught my drift and chuckled. "Okay, why not this? I find you guys on a desert island—"

I interrupted, "In London?"

He let out a loud sigh. "Janie, do you want me to save you or not?"

I nodded. "Okay, okay, continue."

"I would shoot him down—"

"You'd kill a man for me!"

"I don't like this game, Janie."

*

We never said "I love you" but we were both on opposites of the same wire and I think we both knew how the other felt solely by their actions. Alex has this grin. He does a little quiver trying to fight it, yank it down before it's uncontrollable. His efforts to hide it just make it cuter like he's an ashamed little boy. Alex has told me my tell-tale sign was the hug I gave him when I left for London. I don't think we'd ever simply hugged before.

It was the night before I left. He stopped by my house and we hid in my room for hours just talking. We felt the need to accumulate every social need for one another in those last few hours. Alex would visit but there was no date and despite his reassurances, in my paranoid mind, I thought that he was appeasing until I went away to be forgotten about. 

We would both be busy. I had school to worry about and Alex and the band were having their first round of gigs outside Sheffield. They were all about north and I wouldn't go to any of them but Alex told me over the phone what they were like, never going into too much detail other than the excitement of them.

"Maybe I'll hate London," I told him during our goodbye.

He squeezed my shoulder. "You'll love every minute of it." He was (almost) right. And that sucked.

I had thought about all the words I could tell him and said none. I felt like crying but didn't. It didn't seem deserved when I was choosing to move away. It was a light goodbye. A deep hug where he held me close to his chest and I could feel the rivets of his ribs. At the time it was solemn but seldom. In a year's time, it was the average behavior to always be saying goodbye.

He kissed me and pulled back. His hands rested on my shoulders and he gave me a half-grin. "You have a good time, Jane C."

I gave a wistful smile and touched his elbow. "See ya."

*

The air in London was heavy for me or maybe that was just the weight that crushed down on my ribs in constant swelling of pain. London was half the reason I felt cool, even nowadays. My first month there was spent walking down bustling streets painted with rain and my boots sweeping the ground.

I called Alex every night telling him, "You have to come down here. Sheffield is nothing." I loved London but all the people I loved were back up north. On the days when I was in class, Alex was working. On the nights when I was a lone soul in my room, he was playing shows.

It was never out of the expectation. We went in with the understanding that it might be the end but every time when it seemed we would part ways, we didn't. I thought about the idea of being single because it feels like the proper thing your first year at university but I could never accept it.

In my Poetry & Prose class, I met Georgia, a dark-headed girl from Sussex who dressed like Patti Smith and acted like she was in a Tarantino film. Before class, we'd grab a coffee together, and give each other a rundown of the reading material to make sure we weren't going to make fools of ourselves.

I would read her work over a tea and she would suffer reading mine with a coffee. She had high standards but was too polite to ever insult you for what you'd written. I never had Alex read any of my poetry because I've never been good at it but in my first year, it was more akin to Kim Kardashian's "Jam (Turn it Up)" than Emily Dickinson. Georgia wrote with the sorrow of Sylvia Plath and the horniness of Leonard Cohen's Buddhist poems. There wasn't much competition.

Georgia introduced me to a group of her friends that were in line with my Barnsley friends but stoned wayyyy more often and enjoyed dressing like beatniks and sometimes acting like them. I felt adjacent to the group other than my connection with Georgia but they were good fun and always had things going on. Whether it was classy slam poetry or getting high in Hyde Park. Everyone was nice although very evasive.

Robert—who talked like Jack Kerouac had stuck his hand up his ass and spoke out of his mouth for him—was the only group member I hung out with solo besides Georgia. We would go record shopping but never buy anything because neither of us had players. Every 2 weeks he would give me a supply of Adderall that he had been prescribed since he was 10 but not taken since 15.

I told Alex about them but all my stories were hard to explain over the phone and in the midst of whatever he was up to. That's when I e-mailed him my first piece. It was written about a night out, in which we slept over at Robert's flat and a high Robert attempted to cook us dinner but nearly burned his apartment down instead when he put the dinner in a plastic Tupperware and stuck it in the oven. 

It wasn't as movie-worthy as passing your notebook across the hood of a girl's car but it's hard to say I'd be writing this book if Alex had been unable to stay on the phone for longer than 10 minutes. My writing before that has been a mish-mosh of things but had always been fiction. I began to write autobiographical and sometimes when I would say, "The craziest thing happened last night." Alex would shush me and tell me to write him a piece about it.

*

My brother got married at Cornwell Manor at the end of October. Alex reluctantly accompanied me after a gig in Sheffield the night before. The only reason he came was because we hadn't seen one another since my London move. The wedding was likely to be no fun but with Alex, part of the ache would be soothed. Plus, I would achieve my tux fantasy.

I had been there for 2 days before his arrival fulfilling familial and bridesmaid duties. I wasn't close to the bride-to-be, Cecilia. I wasn't close with Greg either but it seemed traditional to have all members of the family in the wedding. Stacey got a thrill out of being old enough to be a bridesmaid since she was the flower girl at Harper's wedding.

Alex and I didn't have much of an opportunity to catch up before we had to race off to the rehearsal dinner. He arrived, in his mum's car, wearing scrapped jeans and a polo shirt looking too nice for someone who probably didn't go to bed until 5 AM and drove for 3 hours. Too nice for someone who was begrudgingly here.

I had planned the smoking of a cigarette in time for his arrival. Stood on the kerb of the parking lot, flicking away at one. I was already dressed for the rehearsal dinner and if my mother had caught me stinking it up with a smoke, she'd have skinned me alive, even though my father was definitely doing the same thing with a smelly cigar. The dress was a green satin midi dress, on theme with Cecilia's selected theme colors. I had a white cardigan thrown over the top, which my mother made me take off as soon as we entered the venue because it "clashed." The weather was near freezing but god be damned if I messed with the theme. Alex threw his jacket over me halfway through the dinner and my mother didn't say anything. In the back of my mind, I thought she might have found the gesture too sweet to criticize. She was probably too drunk by that point.

"I heard the entertainment has to arrive 'round the back!" I yelled out to him as he was still getting out of the car.

His head snapped to meet my eyes. That smile spread across his face and he has always looked good to me over the roof of a car. "Pretty sure I'm not getting paid to be here."

I pouted and swayed my hips. "How unfortunate! Is there some other way I can pay you, sir?"

He eyed me—up, down—and I wondered how tempting that emerald shade was to him. "Get yer ass over here."

I tossed my cigarette down, not even bothering to scuff it out, and skipped over to Alex. I threw my arms around his neck like he did to my waist. It felt bizarre to care this much about the presence of one person but I had counted down the days to Greg's wedding for the sole reason of Alex. I had been trapped with my family for 2 days with little escape other than the hotel swimming pool. It felt like convalescence. 

I pulled back and pecked his lips. "Hi." 

"Aw, what you doing with that?" He teased before kissing me full-on. I felt necessary even if I was eager to just look at him. His hair looked freshly cut for the occasion, likely through his mother's insistence. His face looked tired, if sprawled with an adrenaline rush that might have been due to me if I should pleasure myself enough to say.

"How was the drive?" I asked, pulling away from him so he could get his things from the car. No matter how much I wanted him to be there, I did feel like I was taking him away from something. Likely tired from the night before but also in the thick of gigs and taking 2 nights off of work at The Boardwalk. Guilty for forcing him to come to an event that was likely to either be the most boring thing we ever attended or the most explosive thing in Cavendish family history, which would be saying something.

Alex was polite. He wouldn't tell me, even if the drive sucked. "Fine. No traffic. How have things been here?"

"Fine. No traffic." I repeated, crossing my arms to warm myself up a bit. He gave me a look to prompt me for more. "It's been fine. Mainly hung out with Stacey and Harper hasn't been so bad. My parents are a different story. This dinner will likely be the test of things with the two of them."

"Why? What's going on?"

I grabbed his backpack, despite his urging otherwise, while he handled his suit. We made our way to my hotel room that I was sharing with Stacey, which had and would be interesting. "Their usual B.S. mainly. They got in some fight last night that won't be a good recipe for today when they are forced to sit next to each other for 5 hours."

Alex's eyes bulged. "5 hours?" Yeah, I hadn't exactly briefed him on that part.

"Okay, we don't have to stay the full time. After the toasts, we can leave whenever we want. Or you can leave whenever you want. You're more my date to the wedding anyway."

He shook his head. "No, I'll leave when you leave. Won't be any fun without you anyway. In case it isn't obvious, I missed you."

I felt a wave of unexpected shyness fall over me. His voice was so quiet and sincere that I felt like I wasn't supposed to hear it. I was overhearing Alex's thoughts. I dared to look back at him, a smile bright across his face, forcing me to reciprocate. "I missed you too, Al."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. It was quick and brief, the amount of intimacy we limited ourselves to in those days. "You look very pretty too, Jane C."

"You look sweaty." It ripped laughter from him, something I so desperately desired even more than wanting to bed him. Alex was never something to do. I found my most desirable moments were squared away within the sentences we had for one another. A joke, a fragmented note, an email.

Despite the size of my parents' wallets and their often habit of indifference, the room was 2 queen-sized beds with orders of one being for Alex and one for Stacey & me. Somehow through Alex's stays at my house, Stacey and Alex had never met.

She was lounging on the bed closest to the window when we walked in. Dressed in a-line dress in the same shade of green as mine. She looked darling as my mother would say.

"Mum's gonna kill you for lying on the bed and wrinkling your dress," I told her when Alex and I walked in.

She was playing Snake on her Nokia. Something she ended up doing for nearly the whole rehearsal dinner. "She'll be too busy making fun of Cece anyway."

Stacey had yet to look up from her phone as I threw Alex's bag down on the other bed. "If Cecilia hears you calling her Cece she'll rip your head off."

"So pretentious," Stacey mocked.

Alex chuckled at Stacey's tone. The noise made Stacey lift her head, noticing Alex for the first time. "Oh, Alex is here," she emphatically said. She sat up on her knees. "Or should I say Alexander? How formal am I meant to get here to avoid death threats?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just get off the bed so I don't have to deal with mum's wrath?" 

On the elevator down to the dinner, Stacey found the perfect chance for her cross-examining of Alex. "You're in a band, right?"

He nodded. Smart, don't say anything that can be printed on the record.

"Does that mean you have a lot of groupies?" Oh, brother.

Alex laughed at the idea. "I don't think so."

Ever the instigating interrogator, she continued, "I'm sure you have plenty girls throwing themselves at you."

"Stacey," I warned. 

She played the dumb act. "What?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. Your sister maybe."

He was already laughing by the time I punched him in the arm. The elevator doors opening saved him from any further wrath.

Upon entering dinner, Alex finally formally met my parents. My mother was dressed in a too-tight dress with poorly done make-up to make her look like Tammy Faye. She was only 1 glass of wine in. My dad towered over Alex, puffed out his chest like he had something to prove, something to protect. "Now, Janie, what do we have here?" He asked as we entered.

Stacey was smart to use the distraction and her size to her advantage as she quickly ducked off to her seat. Alex stood up straight, even if he looked awkward in his suit. Throughout the night, he would complain that he looked like a complete dork and despite my reassuring that he looked handsome, he insisted he would never wear a suit again. Sounds like a mighty lie now.

"Alex, my dad, Richard." I introduced. My father offered up his hand, giving a tough and rough handshake with Alex. 

My mother slushed her glass around in her hand and introduced herself. "Polina, honey, but everyone calls me Lina."

"Why are you talking like that?" I questioned my mother's sweetness and talking in a near-country accent.

That sugar evaporated quickly as she ordered me, "Don't criticize me, Jane. You go take a seat."

I didn't fight. I walked to my seat next to Stacey, and Alex followed silently.

"Well, that's a good idea of what she's like. Alcohol will either make her more or less bearable," I whispered to Alex.

He was too consumed with fiddling with his suit jacket to care much about how my mother or father acted. 

That night, after a dinner that lasted too long with extended toasts and delayed meals due to catering issues, Alex and I slept in the same bed with Stacey making kissing noises from the other bed.

Once the noises had died down and she seemingly went to sleep, Alex and I slipped out of the room, dressed in our pajama pants and our winter coats. There was a little bench around the back of the hotel, tucked away on the edge of the parking lot. We sat there. I hugged my knees to my chest and Alex leaned back and rested his arm behind me on the back of the bench. We thought about smoking a cigarette but didn't.

I told him, "Dasha is doing this weird art project right now. Like a totally bizarro nudist Dali fever dream and she's trying to recruit all of us to do it."

"Wait, who's Dasha?" It was hard not to feel like our lives were becoming separated. Sometimes it didn't bug me. Other times it felt like we weren't listening to one another.

"Dasha is the one who works with Henry."

"And Henry is...?"

"Georgia's boyfriend. Do you know who Georgia is?" I was snapping, being bitter, and still to this day I have a habit of ruining moments over little things. I didn't know half of Alex's friends' names, all those band idiots. Alex never talked about them though. They were all referred to as a collective, never giving specific names. 

He took in stride as always. "Yeah, yeah. Who is Jane though?"

I let go of my knees to slap his chest. "Shut up, Matthew."

"Come here, you." Alex wrapped his arms around me and tugged me roughly into him. A squeal came from my lips and forgot about the rest, focusing on his lips instead. We kissed slowly. Kisses that would never be forgotten behind that hotel. 

We returned to our talks of nothingness that to anyone other than the two of us wouldn't have been very important but the words we whispered to one another were so pure I couldn't imagine even placing them in writing for someone else to read. 

*

In November, I sprained my ankle. I fell backward onto my foot and pop! After walking on it for a full day I eventually got it checked out to confirm the sprain. The ache from the sprain only lasted about a weekend where I stayed holed up in my bed writing emails to Alex that he didn't respond to until the following week. I didn't complain much, even if I was mildly annoyed that I was in pain and he was oblivious to it.

There was a dull ache surrounding the whole thing. When the news finally did reach him, he offered to come down for the weekend. By that point, it was 2 weeks after the injury and my sprain had fully healed, minus some soreness. I nearly texted this to him, Don't bother. What's the point if it will only soothe your guilt and not my pain? Then, I missed him. I would love that, I sent. 

nov 27, 11:22, he wrote back.

As much as I missed his company conversationally, we hadn't had sex since September 4th and I had cleared out space to make exactly that happen. Clean room, no visitors. I did have other plans for when he arrived. Have brunch since I knew he would be hungry after the train ride, show him around my neighborhood, room tour that would lead into heavy weekend-long lovemaking. Or whatever we were calling it at that point.

That day I got a text around 9:30: missed train, catching next one. 

when is it?

hour, be there at 1

It didn't set the weekend off in a good mood. Leading to me being stuck in a pit of anger that I couldn't communicate through text messages. There would be no point in it. So, in those 2 hours I was supposed to be spending with him, I experienced an increased level of annoyance. The slightest touch pissed me off and by the time 1 rolled around the boiling inside me had only rolled louder.

I stood with my arms crossed when I opened the door, pursed lips, foot tapping, and an agenda to chew him out. The delighted look on his face, wearing a hoodie, backpack on one shoulder—it all pissed me off. 

Alex tried to quail, walking through the door, telling me, "Am I in trouble?"

I rolled my eyes and set off to my room, forcing Alex to catch up to me. "Whatever, Alex."

"Hey, I'm sorry. You know I'm late to everything."

I snapped, turned around with fury. "Yeah, but you're late to class not to a train and I'm pretty sure the trains from Sheffield come every hour, which means if you missed your train and got the next one you'd be here at noon, not 1, which means you missed 2 trains. Probably because you slept through your alarm clock and then packed your bag because you didn't do it the night before like I told you to do."

His eyes were wide and I felt like his mother the way I was calling him out. He looked staggered. A word away from taking a step back from me. "Alright, you're right, but I'm here now so let's have a good time. How's your ankle?"

His attempts to be kind ended up stepping into territory that just pissed me off more. "My ankle is fine because it healed 2 weeks ago before you even bothered to respond to the news. You just don't give a shit about these things, Alex, but they're important to me. Being on time, responding to me, it's not much to ask for."

"You're right but this past month has been crazy and I just saw you in October—"

"Just saw me in October! Look I'm not desperate, you don't need to spend every waking minute with me, in fact, I think I would kill you if I had to spend a whole week with you" (not true, I desperately wanted that) "but over a month! I expected some eagerness to see me but you'd rather lie around for an extra hour. No one told you to come, you offered. So if it was so much work, you could have just stayed home."

"I didn't want to stay home. I went to your stupid brother's wedding because I wanted to see you. Do you think I get pleasure from driving 3 hours to go to that fucking wedding where your dad breathed down my neck the whole time like I was some hoodlum and your mum hit on me more times than I can count? I went to see you. You're buggering me down because I missed a train, meanwhile, you have made no effort to come visit me. I had a lot of things I wanted you to come to but when you said no and went and hung out with your weirdo fucking friends I was fine with it because you're happy and you write me these beautiful fucking essays, even if I was upset that you weren't there."

"At least, I tell you what I'm up to. You're so evasive about everything. 'How was the gig?' 'Oh, uh, good.' It's like you don't want me to care about these things or you have some secret you're hiding. How about those groupies, huh?"

"Oh, shut up, Jane!" It was the first time he was harsh with me. Flippant and distressing. "You create problems where they aren't. Posh, much?"

"Fuck off with that. You talk all this shit about my family—"

"Because you do!"

"That doesn't mean you can. I want you to care and it doesn't seem like you could give less of a shit. You complain about everything I want to do with you."

"I do not complain. You force this shit out of me. I'd sit through another awful wedding if that meant I could hang out with you. Meanwhile, any inconvenience for you cancels out anything I'd want you to do."

"I sat through all those shitty gigs that no one showed up to for you."

"Back when you were pining after me. Who gives a shit once you've moved on?"

"I'm in university, unlike you. You can come down whenever you want because you work at some shitty bar and play 1 gig a week, if even. And for fuck's sake if you want me to go to the fucking gig. I'll go to the fucking gig."

"I want you to want to go to the gig. Don't make me do anything you don't want to do, Jane, I know how hard that is for you."

"I just want you to give a shit."

"What are you talking about? Of course, I give a shit. See this, this is what I'm talking about. The fabricating problems out of nothing. When have I ever shown that I don't give a shit?"

"When you missed the trains!"

"I'm still taking the fucking trains! You're the one sitting on your ass here."

"I'm getting a degree!"

"I know! Will you fuck off with that?"

"Why? Scared you're going to work at a bar for the rest of your life."

"Hey, at least I've worked a job, unlike you fucking around with your dad's money."

"Fuck you!" I left the building then. He might have called after me but I don't remember. I felt badly suffocated for the first time with Alex. I walked around for a while. Aimlessly. I don't know what he did during this time. Maybe he walked around too. Paced the apartment. Pulled his hair out. Played Snake on his Nokia. I don't know but I cared too much during that time. Desperate to know what he was getting away at. I fantasized about it my whole walk. Best case. Worst case. Okay case. Most of it was nightmares. The rest was delusions.

I came back around 5 and he was lying on his back on my bed. I thought he might have been asleep at first. He didn't make any movement when I walked in until I called out, "Hey."

He sat up like he had been zapped. His gaze was on me intensely and he took a while before he said anything, eventually, "Hey."

A thought rushed through my mind, the one that had echoed through my head on the walk, in class, when writing emails, on the car ride down to London. I had forced it away for so long but the hotbox situation we were in prompted me to finally let it out. "Do you think we should break up?"

His eyes fell to his shoes, dangling off the side of the bed. He avoided my eyeline at all costs. "Is that what you want?"

No, but I didn't feel I could tell him that. "I want to know what you want."

He played his people-pleaser card. I wouldn't label Alex as that but he had a fashion, mainly with women, of not letting his opinion know. "I don't want to make you be with me if you don't want to." 

To me, when it was to my advantage it was the greatest thing ever. Other times, it angered me beyond belief. "For god's sake, Alex, do you want to break up with me or not? Yes or no?"

"No," he said firmly. 

It had ended our breaking-up conversation but it didn't exactly fix our problem. "I don't want to ruin our friendship by dragging out something that isn't going to work."

Alex met my eyes. "It'll work." 

I sighed. "Shouldn't we be mature about this?"

"You're 18, you don't have to be mature about anything, Janie." And suddenly I felt like he was talking to 6-year-old me. By that point, he'd already memorized my childhood stories of foolish escapades. I forced myself to be an adult so young that I'd spent away my years of forgiven recklessness in return for the punishable kind. Not many people in my life realized that. The ones that did, didn't care, they preferred me tagging along to drunken nights. Alex preferred hiding away in my bedroom. And, sure, maybe a drink or two.

He'd cracked my heart open in so many ways that I don't think he ever understood what he was the first to do.

He reached a hand out to me urging me to join him on the bed. I sat beside him, not touching, I muttered, "I don't want to hurt you."

Then, he wrapped his arm around me, pulled me into him, kissed my temple, and said, "You worry too much about me."

Later that night when Alex and I were still out of breath, we curled into one another. For the first time, we made no move to get dressed. Just laid with one another. I dug my face into his collarbone and thought about suffocating myself.

"What are you doing?" He questioned, always questioning me. 

My stomach grew heavy and I felt like crying, comforted by the idea that he would hold me while I did. "I wish you were here all the time." It wasn't just him. Everything in my life, the past one spent in that Wakefield house felt like it was slipping away from me. He felt like the only thing I could hold onto. So, I held tightly. Sometimes too tightly but he accepted any fingernail-induced bleeding from me.

His arm tightened around my back. He kissed my ear. Softly, for just my left ear to hear, he whispered, "Me too."

I started crying then. It was quiet just the shaking of my shoulders and the breaths I attempted to get and take in. Alex made no effort to stop me, his hand rubbed up and down my back. He knew what I needed and he held me. We didn't talk for the rest of the night. His hands did the work, up & down. His lips kissed my temple. I'm not sure if I dreamt it or not, but somewhere before I fully fell asleep, he whispered, "I love you." Even if he didn't say it, I knew. He held me all night. I gripped him and rubbed my back. I sometimes wish I never left that spot, stayed in the corner of him like the embracing Pompeii couple. Buried in volcanic ash together being each other's last comfort. Alex's shoulder must have ached after that night. Everything just ached after.

*

a/n: i sorta got carried away there with that word count, i don't know what i was on because i'll probably never write a part this long again until the next part where i accidentally end up writing 50k. ah, well, hope you enjoy as much as i did writing it. jane & alex 4 eva.

[conan-hearts-u]

Pink Ice🌺

- - - - - - - - - ꒰ ʚ♡ɞ ꒱ - - - - - - - - -

Summary:Sanzu x reader fluff. Your boyfriend wants to go ice skating but you dont know how to skate

a/n:got this idea randomly while i was ice skating. I got distracted by this and i jsut noticed school is about to start

w/c:500+

- - - - - - - - - ꒰ ʚ♡ɞ ꒱ - - - - - - - - -

"Huh? Skating as in ice skating?" You askedclearly kinda nervous.

"Yeah Ice skating we could go on a date" He responded as he continued doing his homework "I know this one place that i used to go to with Senju"

"We still have to finish our homework " You sighed And i dont know how to skate

"I mean im almost done and you can do it on the weekend " Sanzu said smilling at you with his scars on his cheeks "And we havent went out on a date in a looong time" he put his hand on your cheek

"But I dont have skates."You sighed "And my mom would kill me if i didnt do my homework now" you added

"You can borrow skates from there and please please please y/n" he started begging and pulling your arm

God.. this guy is suppoused to be the scary delinquent boy "Ok ok. I give up." you chuckled "Alright lets go"

When you arive there are a lot of people. You walk up to the counter where the borrow skates. You pick your size and go over next to Sanzu who was tying his sktes laces. You sit down and start putting on the skates.

"Ugh these are hard to tie " you complain struggling to tie the laces

"C`mon Y/n they arent that hard to tie!" he went over to the ice and started skating. Suprisingly he was really good at it and he was fast like really fast. He looked amazing. How didyou even pull someone like that?

You started getting lost in your thoughts. The first time you meet him. It was a couple of years ago you where in middle school. Some high school student were bothering and he came over and beat them up. He got hurt badly and you offered to patch him up. It took him a while to accept, he was acting so cold.

"What are you staring at perv?" He looked at you with a smirk on his face under his mask.

"Shut up."

"But seriously stop staring get over here."

You sigh and go over to the ice. Are youa ctually doing this? Fuck it.

"Haru! wait for mee" you shouted trying your best to not fall

"Wait you cant actually skate?" he started laughing "Dont worry ill teach you" he takes both of your hands into his

"you better not go fast please." you told him holing onto him tightly "Promise."

He didnt say anything he just smirked and started going fast. you started screaming and holding onto him tightly. He was laughing the entire time

"HARU BE CAREFUL THERE IS A WALL BEHIND YOU!" you shouted but it was too late. He fell and then you fell on top of him

"Oh wow if you wanted to be on top of me you could have just told me"

"Shut. the .fuck. up."

"Okay okay"

both of you started laughing

"Well this date is ruined " you sighed

"Its not over yet. lets go eat dinner together"

- - - - - - - - - ꒰ ʚ♡ɞ ꒱ - - - - - - - - -

[mewhenimanangel]

spiderboy, miles morales x reader

part 1 ʚɞ part 2 ʚɞ part 3 ʚɞ part 4! ʚɞ part 5

pairing: earth 1610! miles morales x reader

chapter 4 synopsis: Rio invites you over for dinner after hearing how Miles stuck up for you at the party.

wc: 2.1k

warnings!: cursing, teens in love, kissing, suggestive themes, google translate spanish

translations: cariño - sweetie, venid a comeros los dos - come eat you two, mi pequeño caballero - my little gentleman, mantén esa puerta abierta chico - keep that door open, boy

It was Monday morning and you sat in the mirror getting ready for school. You did your usual school make up routine of mascara, concealer, blush, and signature lip combo. You let her braids hang down today and sprayed your perfume. "Mommy can you drive me to school today?" you asked your mother as you went to put food and water in Bobo's bowls. "Sure why?" she asked drinking her coffee. "Got that big doofy project and i'm not walking with all that" "Alright well hurry up cause I gotta go"

You grabbed the project from the closet and went to put it in the backseat of the car. You ran back upstairs to grab your bag and say bye to Bobo. You settled in the car putting your seatbelts on as your mom drove off. You got a little nervous knowing you'd have to see Miles face to face again. You had been texting non stop yesterday but now you'd have to see him again after their kiss.

You looked out the window to see Spider-man stopping some guy trying to rob a mini mart. "At least that boy's working hard to keep people safe" your mom said rubbernecking. "Yeah he's so cool" you said taking a picture of the scene. After a few minutes she pulled up in front of the school and you grabbed the project from the back.

Entering the building you made a B line to Mr. Johnson's class, not wanting to try and keep that in your locker. You walked in the classroom and saw Peter standing there with his partner talking to Mr. Johnson. "Yo n/n" he called out as you put the project on the back counter. "Hey Peter" you gave him a smile. "Listen I'm real sorry about that guy last night. Are you good?" he asked, sentimental for the first time like ever. "Yeah it's okay, I promise" you nervously laughed off. He came over and gave you a small hug, before you left to go to your locker.

Zoya and Kiona walked up to you "Hey bebe" she said resting her head against the locker. "Hey Z, hey Kiona" you greeted them. "Im already ready for the weekend. Feeling extra fucking tired today" you groaned slamming the locker shut. "Too real. I'm exhausted" Kiona agreed.

"Alright I'll see you guys later" you said turning down the opposite hallway. "Yo Y/n wait up!" you turned around, face dropping to see the guy who harassed you at the party. "How do you know my name?" you asked in a flat unamused tone. "That's not important, just wanted to say sorry" he brushed off. "Okay." you said beginning to walk away. He grabbed your arm before you could get too far.

"Wait! You're not gonna say anything back?" he asked seeming offended. "What else am I supposed to say to you? You said sorry I said okay." "Come on, no 'i forgive you'" you narrowed her eyes at him in disbelief. "I don't forgive you why would I forgive you??" you spat. "Because It wasn't that fucking serious" he rolled his eyes.

"Dude you gotta leave her the fuck alone" Miles said walking up beside you. He looked back and forth between you and Miles before walking off "Fuck this" "Thanks..again. Could've held my own there but" "I know you could've." he smiled. "Uh by the way, my mom wanted to know if you'd wanna come over for dinner" he asked.

When he came home last night his mom saw blood on his fist and asked him what happened. He said it was nothing until she pushed an answer out of him. He told her what happened and she ultimately decided to invite you over. After all her son has been at this girl's house and she barely even knows her.

You tried to contain your excitement and nervousness - his mom wanted to meet you. "U-uh yeah that sounds nice. When?" you asked hiding a smile. "Friday night. That okay with you?" he asked hoping you'd say yes. "Yeah I'll ask my mom but it should be fine" The bell rung and you realized you'd be late. "I'll see you later. Get ready to present" you said hurrying to your class.

In physics, you and Miles concluded your presentation on inertia by using toy cars and a ramp. "Nice job you two. You work well together." he said writing something on his clipboard. You looked at each other and smiled before sitting back down.

🩰

The week had gone by and your heart was racing. Your mom had given you permission to go to dinner at Miles' house so here you were in your mirror frantically trying to make a good impression. You went with a sort of calm 'classy' makeup look and let your braids stay down. You wore a black long sleeve knit sweater with a black pleated skirt and a pair of loafers with white socks. Your mom had bought a bouquet of flowers from the market and told you to give it to Mrs. Morales.

On the walk over to Miles' building, you were practically shaking. You walked up the stairs to his apartment and knocked on the door. The lady who opened it had curly hair braided over to one shoulder. You could see the resemblance to Miles so you assumed that was his mom. "Hi sweetie, you're Y/n I'm assuming" she smiled at you.

"Hi Mrs. Morales" you put your hand out to shake. "These are for you" you handed the woman the bouquet of roses. "Aww thank you, cariño. Jeff, baby, can you put these in some water" Just then a tall man came up behind her. "Hey, Y/n right?" to which you nodded her head. "Yeah Miles been chatting non stop about you. He's in his room by the way." "Dinner should be ready in about five minutes" Mrs. Morales told you.

You walked in and peeled your shoes off, before following Mr. Morales' direction of where his room was. His door was open so you looked in and saw him on his bed with headphones on, seemingly drawing something. You knocked to alert him of your presence. "Oh Y/n, I didn't hear you come in" he lit up "Yeah your mom let me in." "Hey I didn't know you draw" you stood there awkwardly looking around his room, eyes landing on his collectibles. "Hey I used to have this" you said holding it. "Yeah that's pretty rare..please don't open it" he said in a small voice. "I wouldn't, m'not stupid" you joked putting it back in its resting place.

You looked around again spotting a familiar mask sticking out of his drawer. "Oh you like spider-man too?" you asked, missing the way Miles' eyes almost popped out of his head. "Uh yeah...something like that" he sighed. "Miles dinner's ready, venid a comeros los dos" his mom called out. "You can leave your jacket and your bag in here" Miles said, leading the way.

You smiled in delight at the scent of the food, everything smelled and looked amazing. You took a seat next to Miles while his parents sat on the other side. "Help yourself honey, plenty to go around." his mom said as they all began sharing their food. You took a bite and nod her head. "Oh this is really good, Mrs, Morales." you said taking another bite.

"Thank you sweetie, and you can just call me Rio."You nodded your head and continued to eat. "So, how did you and Miles meet?" Mr Morales asked. "Oh on my first day i had bumped into him and he helped me find the principal's office" you told them. "Ahh mi pequeño caballero" Rio said, earning an awkward smile from Miles.

You spent the next thirty or so minutes chatting about their lives and getting to know each other. Miles just sat back and watched you as you talked to his parents. They finished up dinner putting their plates in the sink "I can help you wash up?" you offered. "Ah don't worry sweetie, go hang out with Miles. Mantén esa puerta abierta chico" she told Miles as they went into his room. You sat on his bed moving up against the wall. "Do you wanna watch a movie or something?" he asked. "Yeah, I'm good with anything"

You guys settled on 'Someone Great' on Netflix and got comfortable in his bed, stealing glances at each other. Miles inched his hand closer to yours that was resting on your thigh. He mustered up the courage to intertwine his fingers with yours and rubbed his thumb over your knuckles lightly. You looked at each other with small grins, studying each other's face. "You are really really pretty" he blurted out. "You are too" you said before pressing her lips to his in a heartfelt kiss, eyes falling shut.

He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. The movie now disregarded, you found your way onto his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck and he let his hands rest on your cheeks before moving down to your waist. They then trailed down to your thighs lightly rubbing small circles over them.

You pressed your tongue against his lips, wordlessly asking permission. He smiled against your lips before granting you access. He brought his lips down to where your jaw and neck meet pressing a kiss there. His hands moved to your ass, lightly squeezing it. Suddenly they heard a creak of a floorboard just outside his room and you frantically got up off his lap and sat back next to him.

"You two okay?" it was his mom. "Yeah mami we're good." Miles answered, hiding his heavy breathing. When she walked away you both sighed and giggled, his hand finding its way back to your. He looked away, eyes landing on the spider-man mask from earlier that you forgot to put back properly. He sat in thought for a few minutes before speaking up again

"Y/n...Can I tell you something?" he said looking into your eyes. "Yeah what is it? You don't got a secret girlfriend or anything right" you joked. He chuckled shaking his head. "No no. But you have to promise nothing's gonna change. And promise you'll keep this between us.

Your eyebrows furrowed before nodding your head. "I'm...I'm Spider-man" he rushed the words out of his mouth. You giggled before looking at his face looking for signs of kid. "Wait are you serious?" He nodded his head and raised his arm in the direction of the mask. Suddenly a piece of silky web shot out of his wrist and pulled the mask to his hand. Your jaw had dropped in astonishment before looking at the mask and then back at him. "There's no way" you breathed out, amazed. "Does anyone else know? Do your parents know?" you asked, holding the mask and looking at it. He shook his head "Just you and Ganke."

He went on to tell you about how he first got his powers and how he replaced Peter Parker, how his powers worked. And then met a different Peter Parker from another universe and then four more spider people from other universes. And how he had to take down Kingpin to get them back home safely "So there's more? Do you visit them or something?" you asked him. His face twisted into a sad expression

"Nah, there's really no way to, you know." She sympathized with him "Well why would anything change? Miles you literally swing around the city and save people every day, that's so fucking cool and really really generous of you." you reached your hand out to hold his face. "I just can't believe you knew about my spider-man obsession and didn't say anything" you joked.

He laughed laughed before you moved closer to each other and resuming your kiss. Before it could get any further though, Miles pulled back. "Would you um let me take you out? On a real date? Like one without my parents?" he chuckled. "I would love that Miles" you hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

You'd plan your date for the following weekend at a really nice restaurant in downtown brooklyn. After a few minutes, your mom told you to start heading home, so Jeff gave you a ride, Miles tagging along. "Goodnight Y/n" Miles smiled at you. "Good night, Miles"

[buffetlicious]

Saw the advertisement on television promoting the bundle deal of three dishes by Tun Xiang Hokkien Delights (豚香福建馆). Thought that it was a good deal plus the fact I have not been to the place yet. Dragged mum along to Northpoint City mall on a hot weekend afternoon since I couldn't possibly finish the set meal alone.

Upon seated, the wait staff informed us that you can scan the QR code on the table to access the digital menu plus order. Placed ordered for the Bundled Deal (S$28.80++) consisting of the Signature Hokkien Mee, Iberico Pork Fried Beancurd and White Pepper Collagen Pig Stomach Soup.

The Signature Hokkien Mee (招牌黑猪福建面) came with a mixture of yellow noodles and bee hoon (rice vermicelli) served over banana leaf. At a glance, one can spot prawns, squids, matchstick sized pork and plenty of deep-fried pork lards soaked in the gravy. While the overall taste is decent, the flavour profile of the prawn is not pronounced enough like they didn’t use enough prawn heads and shells to render out the prawn oil.

Both of us enjoyed the Iberico Pork Fried Beancurd (酥炸黑猪酿卜) a lot. The minced pork is well seasoned and stuffed into fried bean curd puffs before going into hot oil. The puff outside is crispy while the meat is juicy. Remember to dip the whole thing into the sweet thick sauce for the complete package before devouring it.

Was reminded that the White Pepper Collagen Pig Stomach Soup (胶原胡椒猪肚汤) is hot when it was served. It came with thinly sliced Iberico pork, tripe, fish maw and garnished with coriander and chilli. Taking a sip of the soup, I can detect the stickiness of the collagen on the lips and the spiciness of peppercorns though I would have enjoyed a stronger peppery taste. Both the tripe and pork were tender enough but the fish maw needs a longer cooking time to get to the softer texture I preferred.

While I enjoyed the meal, mum is a lot harder to please. She claims that the noodles look like last night leftover and other than the fried bean curd, I don’t think she like the other two dishes.

[laughterfixs]

Once Bitten Twice Shy

Summary: After Rayman is returned to his home world with the promise to visit more often, the Daycare family is left to relax after the hectic situation and in the meantime, Ana is still struggling with the fact that her rage caused her to attack one of her own babies.  Divo and Glitchy belong to miss @coy-lee~!

“You can’t hide from mee~” Ana sang as she slowly stalked through the daycare, looking for her prey. With every step, there was not a sound from her paws. Her ear twitched when she heard a giggle. 

The dragon hummed a chuckle to herself as she followed it, her large ears allowing her to pinpoint exactly where it came from. She turned her head around the corner and there sat her dear Sunny, back to her while hiding in the play structure and peeking through the barred area. Clearly he was looking for her, trying to find where she was so he could properly hide. The sneaky lil thing had no idea he was already caught!

With a smirk, she crept closer, reached her paw in and wrapped it around his middle to pull him out. 

“GOTCHA!”

Sun squealed as he was yanked back but laughed as Ana placed him on the foam floor in front of her. Squirming like a cat, he rolled onto his front to try and crawl away but Ana gently pulled him back. 

“Where you think yer goin huh?!”

“N-nohowhehehere!”

“Ohoho you bet yer sweet lil rays yer not goin anywhere! Yer mine now firefly! I’m gonna-“ 

Sunny laughed more as his mother pushed him over onto his back. He squealed louder when he felt a raspberry over his tummy, combined with her whiskers and velvety muzzle, it tickled so much! 

“NYAHAHAHAOOO MAHAHAHAHAMAHAHA!! GYEEEHEHEHAHAHAAA! T-TIHIHIHICKUHUHUHULS!!”

“Oh yea? Ya sure? Does this tickle?” She nibbled his sides but instead of giggles, she was met with a loud terrified and hurt shriek. Ana jolted her head away only to see Sun cradling his arm, two holes in it with oil pouring out of them. Her blood went cold as she immediately backed away, ears flat to her head and eyes wide with terror. 

Moon and Glitch held Sun fretting over him. Lofi and Divo looked to her with angry expressions. 

“You really are a monster!!”

“To think I considered you a sister….you’re no better than my cousins.” 

“B-but…but no. No please I didn’t-“

“Get away from us!” Moon snarled with glitch glaring right with him. 

“We don’t want a beast as our mom!” 

“Moonberry please- Glitch, sugarcode-“

“HA! Don’t you sugarcode me, you should get out of here while you still can. Who would ever love a monster like you?” 

“MONSTER”

“BRUTE”

“WRATHFUL ANIMAL!”

“BEAST!” 

Ana woke up with a gasp. Her head swiveled in every direction to look around and take in her surroundings. She sighed realizing she was still in the daycare loft before placing a paw over her hammering heart. 

“Just another dream…” she muttered to herself but squeezed her eyes shut before the tears could start. “But the same one for the third time this week…” 

“Heeeey Moooom~!” 

The cheerful voice that belonged to the daytime daycare attendant, Sundrop, sounded from the balcony and not long after, the quite literal ray of sunshine skipped past the balcony and put his hands on the railing, grinning down at the dragon. 

“Guess what!! All the kids have gone home, staff is closing up earlier for the long weekend aaaand Moonie and I are finished cleaning! You got us all to yourself for three. Whole. DAYS!! Isn’t that great!?” Sun punched the air excitedly over having a long weekend with his family. 

Ana managed to put up a smile. 

“That sounds amazing suga’.”

Sun tilted his head at the rather….lackluster response. He…kinda expected more of a reaction than that. Squinting, he could see the bags under his mother’s eyes. It brought a small frown to his faceplate. 

“You okay..? You look…” he paused, trying not to sound rude or mean. “…not good…” 

“I’m okay sweetheart.” Ana assured while she stretched her body and yawned. “Just waking up is all…” 

Sun had climbed down the ladder to get closer to her. 

“Are you sure? I know you haven’t been sleeping well lately.” He watched Ana lay her head back down on the ground, he sat on his knees in front of her and rubbed her snout. 

“I’m fine Sunny. Like I said, just groggy from my nap. How was your day?” She asked, quickly changing the subject off of her. She didn’t need him worrying. 

Sun gave a shrug, still absentmindedly stroking the bridge of her nose as he spoke. 

“It was okay. Had a bratty parent get angry with me telling me how replaceable I was…but Moonie handled them and got them out quickly.” 

Ana kept her growl to herself, she didn’t much appreciate how a lot of humans treated her boys…but they’ve assured her there’s plenty of good ones they get to interact with. And with the incident with Rayman…she was doing her best to control her temper. 

“I’m so sorry Firefly. They don’t know how important you are.” 

Sun giggled a bit, hugging her nose. 

“It’s okay mom, now we have so much time to play and spend time together!! Moon’s gonna get his patrol done early soooo maybe it can be just us for a bit and we can…do the thing? I-if you wanna that is!” Sun asked with a shy spin of his rays and an embarrassed but pleading smile. 

Ana looked up at him, watching him tap his fingers. She knew what her baby was asking, of course but as she watched him…her vision flashed again to her dream, Sun in tears and holding his arm. 

Her body stiffened and she blinked. It was gone in a second and she saw his shy smiling face again. Ana frowned a bit, lifting her head. 

“Uhm…I’m sorry Sunny…I don’t think I have the energy today. Or at least for now…” 

“O-oh! Okay….we-we don’t have to if you don’t wanna!”

Ana could tell he was disappointed. She never refused to tickle them. Sure in some playful moments or to use as a punishment since her boys loved it so much…but she never told them she didn’t want to. And she hated how awful she felt over it…

“I’m sorry baby…”

Sun shook his head though. “No, no it’s okay mama. You should want to and I know you’re tired.” 

Ana exhaled through her nose quietly. She didn’t want to hurt him…

“I think I’m gonna go for a quick walk and stretch my legs while everyone’s gone…when I come back we’ll figure out something to do okay?” 

Sun perked up a bit, he nodded quickly. At least she still wanted to spend time…but still…

“That sounds good!” 

“Okay. Love you, firefly. See you soon.” 

“Bye mama! Love you!” 

Sun waved as she exited the loft and jumped down the balcony. He sighed as soon as she was gone and sat against the playhouse. 

Snf

Sun brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. 

“What did I do wrong…?” 

The usually cheerful bot let loose the tears that were building up, he scrubbed at his face with the bottom of his palms. Was it his fault? Did he do something to upset her? She always wanted to play, so what happened?

Each question got him crying harder. He just wanted to spend time with his mama.

Sun didn’t notice the shadowy tendrils curling around his form; he lifted his head seeing a familiar skeletal hand rest on his shoulder. 

“Oh Sunbun…What’s gotten you so upset?” 

Sun whimpered, not wasting a moment to hug the shadow entity. He didn’t care about the armor or the boney body he was snuggling into. He just wanted the hug. 

“I-I thihink I upset mahahawm…” he blubbered, burying his face against the armor. 

diVo gave a small frown, putting a hand over Sun’s back. 

“Why would you ever think that?”

Sun sniffed, cuddling against diVo while he tried to calm down. 

“She didn’t want to…” he struggled to say, it was still embarrassing. “P-play with me. And-and she never says no unless Moon or I did something bad! B-b-but I dohohont know what I dihihihiiiid!” 

The shadow hummed as Sun cried against him. He looked toward the exit of the loft. He’d have to talk with his sister, it seemed…but first. 

“Was she acting upset with you, Sunnimon?” 

Sun sniffed as he processed the question and shook his head. 

“N-no…she-she just seemed tired and-and said we’d figure out something to do when she got back…” 

diVo nodded in understanding. 

“I believe there is something beyond your mother’s exhaustion that is bothering her. And it’s not you. You’re much too precious to be mad at either way~” he teased, skating his jet black claws over the small animatronics sides. Sun squeaked, giggles bubbling out of his voicebox. 

“Dihihihivooohohohoo!” 

Said entity chuckled, pulling his claws back. 

“There we are…that’s better already.” He gently scooped Sun up and moved him to the little nest next to the arcade machine. 

“Why don’t you stay here? Keep Glitch company.” diVo suggested, nodding to the machine. “I’ll go look for your mother and see what I can do. Alright?” 

Sun nodded, grabbing one of the cords to plug himself into the machine. 

“Okay…thanks diVo.” 

diVo nodded with a smile, watching Sun plug in and transfer his consciousness. He then left once he was in the game. Now to find where his sister was and get her out of this thought process…not only for her own sake, but for her boys. 

In the meantime, Ana had gone to the arcade room. It had become her favorite spot other than the daycare. It was dark. The DJ was usually the only one there, and cameras hardly covered the area. 

She sighed to herself as she took a seat. 

I can’t believe I refused Sunny tickles…

But god what if I hurt him again…

What if that dream becomes reality? 

What if…what if…

Her thoughts brought tears to her eyes. 

She wrapped her wings around herself, curling her tail around her paws. She was so tired…she wanted to sleep…

“Seems we’re here again, eh sister?” 

Ana jolted at the sudden deep voice questioning her. She poked her head out of her wings, seeing diVo tilt his head at her with a concerned look. He had taken to his other form, the wispy shadow head floating above the black suit, coat tails curled behind him. 

“d-diVo I-“

“I know.” 

Ana lowered her ears and turned away. 

“….it won’t leave me alone…I can’t even look at Sunny without…that night just…flashing before my eyes...” 

diVo moved to her side. He gently tapped the wing blocking his view of her. It twitched, but she folded them back. 

“I know you’re ashamed, Ana.” He began, watching her expression. “But you’ve learned from your mistake. And you’ve been doing good thus far keeping your temper in check-“

“But I can’t unsee it!” She interrupted quickly. “I keep having the same dream! I keep seeing him so hurt and scared and…and…” 

“And..?”

“…and you…all of you, hating me…You, Lofi, Moon, Glitchy and Sun…” 

diVo watched as Ana sank down to lay on her stomach, throwing her front paws over her head. 

“I’m so scared diVo…I’m scared of losing you, I’m scared of hurting anyone I love, I’m scared of them all being right about me!” 

diVo watched her claws dig past her hair. He reacted quickly enough to gently grab them and move them away. 

“Keeping yourself from them is not the answer to the problem, Ana. We all know you are none of that. You made a mistake and you’ve learned from it. We wouldn’t cast you aside…I know Sun and Moon are precious to you.” 

Ana shook her head. “Yeah…so much so I’m scared of breaking them…” 

diVo squinted his eyes incredulously at her. He took a breath, gently rubbing his thumbs into the back of her paws. 

“Took a lot of rage to poke him with holes. He's not fragile. You might think you're punishing yourself, but in reality, he's being punished…” 

Ana blinked at that and turned to him. 

“What do you mean..?”

“After you left, Sun was in tears. He thought he upset you or did something wrong.” 

Shit. Ana thought to herself. She lowered her gaze and flattened her ears. 

“Heh…seems I can’t stop hurting him….I’m bad at this ain’t I…?” She asked, a look of shame covering her face. 

“No. You are learning, you will make mistakes. That’s all part of the process. Of being a mother and of life.” He gently moved his hand under her chin to get her to look back at him. 

“But you also need to learn to let us help you. To talk to us when you need to. We can only do so much sister…” 

Ana exhaled slowly and put her head in her brother’s lap. 

“I guess I’m still not used to having help at the ready…I’ve done things on my own for so long…”

diVo nodded, smoothing out her mane. 

“I know how you feel…being so independent for so long…having anyone to depend on simply…”

“Doesn’t feel real…” Ana finished with a sigh. She lifted her head then. 

“I think I’m ready to go back…I have a lot that I need to fix and make up for Sunny…”

diVo nodded, letting the dragon stand before he walked along with her back to the daycare. As they entered the loft, Ana swallowed nervously, seeing both her boys were turned off and plugged into the machine. diVo noticed her nervousness eating at her soul and gently nudged her with his cape. “That dream of yours is just a dream sister…you’d have to be an awful person for us to cast you away.” Ana took in a breath. “Right…right.” she nodded. With their powers and magic, they entered the machine. The two were greeted by the sight of Glitch and Moon playing a card game, Sun simply watching while hugging a pillow. “You suuuure you don’t want me to deal you in, Sunny?” Glitch asked with a showy shuffle of the cards, wearing a poker dealer’s hat instead of his usual starry jester hat and a chocolate wafer cookie sticking out of his mouth to mimic a cigar.  

But Sun shook his head, hardly putting up a smile. 

“No thanks…I’m okay…” 

Ana felt her heart break at the scene before her. She slowly made her way over. 

“Sunny?”

Sun blinked and turned his head when he heard her voice. 

“MOM!” He cried out, climbing over the couch arm to get to her. As Ana lowered her head to him, the DCA wrapped his arms around her muzzle and nuzzled foreheads with her. 

“I’m so sorry Sunny…” 

Sun pulled his head back a bit to look at her. 

“Huh? But…wasn’t I the one to upset you?” 

“No firefly. You didn’t do anything.” Ana sighed as she laid down, Moon walked over and she pulled both her pups into a hug. 

“Ya see…the reason I haven’t been sleeping well is because I’ve had recurring dreams ever since I…” she shut her eyes at the painful memory. 

“…Since you bit me…?” Sun asked gently. He earned a shameful nod. 

“I’ve been so scared honey…of hurtin ya and losing all of yall. In fact I was so scared of hurtin ya physically I forgot to take in the fact I was hurtin ya emotionally and mentally…” 

“That’s why you didn’t want to tickle me earlier…” Sun muttered in realization, seeing his mother give another sad nod. 

“But it was an accident.” Moon frowned. “It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I don’t think any of us could’ve been able to predict that.” 

“Yeah! You’d never hurt me on purpose…” Sun hugged around her face again. 

“I know hun…it just…” she sighed. “It just caused me to lose trust in myself…”

Sun shrank in his rays at that. He moved his hands under his mothers chin to lift it so he could look into her eyes. 

“Well I trust you…” 

“Me too.” Moon added, putting a hand on her nose. 

“We all do, Cookie.” 

Ana perked her ears up seeing her mate traverse from his spot. Glitch kissed her cheek. 

“None of us are perfect, we each have our own issues and flaws. Hehehe! You know I’m not all there myself! But we have faith in you just as you have faith in us. We’ll overcome it together.” 

“And just as I’ve told you in the past sister, I’ve seen the contents of your heart…I know all I need to trust you.” 

Ana felt her eyes water. She let out a choked laugh and hugged her babies and mate. 

“What did I do to deserve any of you…?” 

“Doesn’t matter, you have us now and that’s the way it’s going to be.” Glitch assured, rubbing a hand through her hair and down her ears. 

Ana hummed happily, even feeling diVo rubbing the back of her wings. She was truly surrounded by love. But…there was still one thing she needed to fix. She pulled from the group hug a bit and lowered her head to Sun, booping noses with him. “Still wanna play, firefly?” Sun blinked and spun his rays at the offer. “Really?!” He stopped and calmed down a moment. “Are…are you sure you’re ready for that…?” 

Ana nodded with a smile. “I can’t keep being afraid to touch you because of a one time incident that probably would never even happen again, right? Yer my baby sure, but you ain’t a delicate lil sunflower.” 

Sun giggled in response, nuzzling against his mother’s face. Glitch hummed a chuckle as he scooped up Moon and carried him a bit aways to give Sun and Ana some room, much to Moon’s chagrin. “H-hey! Gl-Gliiiitch!” “Awww doncha wanna spend time with your dear papa, Moonpie~?” Moon muttered out of embarrassment, crossing his arms. Ana chuckled lightly at the both of them before she gently nudged Sun to lay down. He laid sideways in front of her, head on her right arm and legs over her left. She stared down at him, flicking her ears back as oil flashed into her vision. Sun noticed her unease, so he decided to help her. He reached up and gently held her muzzle bringing it down toward his belly. “I trust you, Mama. You won’t hurt me.” Ana softened her gaze, Sun once again showing off that bright lil light of his that made him so endearing. She smiled and huffed air against his belly, earning a squeak out of him. “GYApffffhehehehe!” Ana chuckled, starting to nuzzle his belly and giving him tiny mlems of her forked tongue. “Nyahahahahaoooo! M-mahahahamaaahaha! Gyeep! Ohohoho stahahahars!” Moon watched his brother and mother play, while he was glad things were better between them….He…kinda wanted to play too. Glitch took notice of the look of longing on Moon’s face. The code smirked and suddenly wrapped his arms under Moon’s arms in a hug. “Gnk! Gl-Glitch!?” Glitch didn’t respond other than a mischievous chuckle and summoned two more pairs of arms, one pair of hands tickling his ribcage and around the exo under his arms, the second pair going straight for the belly. “GYAHAHAHAHA!! DAHAHAHAHAAAD WAIT-WAHAHAHAIT! NO-NO-NAHAHAHAHAO FAHAHAHAHAIR!!” “Tiiiicky ticky tickle~!” diVo chuckled, deciding to sit back on the sofa and simply enjoy the meal being made before him. Seems things were already starting to truly get back to normal around here.

[miowritings]

Zzz..

An shiraishi, ena shinonome, rui kamishiro x gn! Sleepy! Reader

A/N: OMG ITS THE ONE AND ONLY!! IM SOOSOSOSO HAPPY YOU REQUESTED!! SORRY I DIDNT REPLY I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE DRAFT WITH YOUR COMMENT ON ACCIDENT😭 luckily i took a screenshot enjoy🩷!!

An shiraishi

໒꒱is probably impressed by how easily you can fall asleep, one second ago you were talking and now you're snoring..

໒꒱She would probably take out her phone and take pictures of you, to tease you when you wake up, but if she isnt in the teasing mood she'll play with your hair, would even humm your favorite songs

໒꒱would try to be quiet as much as possible to not wake you up, if you did wake up she'll feel very guilty and would try to make you fall asleep again.

˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .lil story.   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . .   ݁*

It was a normal afternoon at weekend garage, you and an both chat about gossips and about your life, everything was going well.. until you started feelling sleepy.. you tried to figh your eyes to stay up but it wouldnt, it would be rude to just fall asleep when your friend is talking

"One sec, ill go get us some water!" An hurries off and grabs a water pitcher and pours some water on two glass for you both, when she came back she found you fast asleep, resting your head on the table, an chuckles and places the glass gently onto the tabe, then sat beside you

"Asleep already?" She chuckles at herself then brushes your hair with her hand gently as not to wake you up, she continued brushing your hair until she heard you groan. She then stops brushing your hair afraid that it might wake you up "continue.." you mumbled, an paused for a moment, then smiled and continued brushing your hair "youre even greedy when your asleep.." she teased

Rui kamishiro

꩜if he sees you sleeping in any place thats not a bed he would carry you and place you on a more suitable area

꩜is very very quiet, when he sees you sleeping, he would put a blanket over you just to keep you warm

꩜if you do happen to fall asleep on him he'll smile to himself, despite looking calm hes screaming eternally inside, giggling and blushing he just cant wait to tell you about this when you wake up

꩜would tease you when youre finally awake, showing you his gallery which is just pictures of you sleeping, he would edit some of the picture and doodle them or add a sticker, "y/n~~ look its a beautiful picture of you~~" he cooes showing you an edited picture of you sleeping

˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .lil story.   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . .   ݁*

You recently found yourself tutoring your classmate, you didnt know how you got into this and wanted to escape fast it was soo tiring to tutor him, he always answered with the most stupidest responses, not knowing he was only doing this just to spend more time with you♡

You sighed under your breath, at this point you already give up "i give up.." you mutter, rui looks over at you and pleads dramatically "ehhhh.. why? Dont give up on mee.. pleasee? Lets just take a break!" He suggested You groaned and decided to give him a chance. "Fine, but we're not taking any breaks until you learn a thing or two got it?" Rui quickly nodded with a smile

"this separates the chest cavity from the abdominal cavity. Im giving you three minutes to answer." You said sternly, rui knew the answer to this ofcourse but.. he decided to play dumb for a while.. "hmm... hmmmm.." he thinks while making some humming noise while doing so he suddenly stops when he felt someones head on his shoulder.

"y/n..?" He added, he was about to wake you up but he saw the peacefulness in your face, he didnt wanna ruin your sleep! After all it was his fault you got tired.. He continued sitting there, his hands shaking like crazy, trying to sit still but he cant.. not when someones head is in his shoulder, its not just someone, its his crush.. rui then grabs the blanket from the floor then wraps it around the both of you

"told you we should take a break.." he teases, he then chuckles at himself "have a good rest y/n.." he says before slowly drifting to joining you in your sleep.

Ena shinonome

✿at first she would wake you up when you fallen asleep on her, but as you two kept spending more time together she doesnt wake you up, instead he hums and plays with your hair while your sound asleep

✿if you do manage to fall asleep on her shoulder or lap she would blush like crazy, she wouldn't stop squealing and shifting

✿is she does manage to calm down, she places your head onto her lap and just plays with your, not even glancing at your face cus if she does she'll be a red mess!

˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .lil story.   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . .   ݁*

You and ena were sitting on the school bench chatting, and gossiping as usual, ena then heard you yawn, and even sees you rubbing your eyes "y/n.. are you sleepy again? Yknow you should get more sleep.. especially since your in night class.." she says calmly, not even hiding the fact that shes worried.

"im fine ena.. ill just drink some coffee and ill be awake and energized!" You added, ena only sighed "fine.. just.. dont drink too much caffeine okay? I do not want you throwing up all over the place.." you chuckled at her remarks and just nodded

You both continued talking when ena stops "oh! I forgot to tell you something!" She grabs her backpack and searches for her sketchpad "im finished with my- eh?!" She felt you head on her shoulder and was snoring, "y/n.. wake up.." she tries to shake you awake but when she sees your eyebags she just cant leave you like this!

"hmph... fine im letting this one slide.." she groans, she then placed her backpack on her lap, after that she gently holds your head and moved them to her lap, making you lay down and have a comfortable pillow..

"you should get more sleep.. you're sleepier than usual.." she points out, she sighs then looks around to see if no ones around, once the coast is clear she kissed your nose then looks away.

˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .bonus!.   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * . .   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . .   ݁*

"oh my.. what a sight.." someone spoke up, it was her brother, "why do you let them sleep on you? If i was the one sleeping you would've thrown me around.." "shush! What are you doing here anyways? Youre supposed to be home by now.." she asked "you left your phone dumbass.. i am gonna tell that akiyama person what i just saw.. itd be so funny.." "just.. shut up kay? Look if you dont tell anyone about this, ill buy you whatever you want.!" Her brother smirks "deal!" He then walks away with a proud grin on his face.

@nogenderbee 🩷

[we-were-beautiful]

Love and Shadows

Chapter 1

A/N: Well, I finally decided that I should start helping solve the problem that is the criminal lack of Ruhn Danaan fanfiction on this website. I also eventually want to do some stuff for Hunt and Ithan as well. Overall, there is a lack of Crescent City fanfiction which is sad. So, here's my contribution. This is going to be a series for sure and I did state the reader's hair and eye color but that's something for later down the road. Umm I did do some editing but there are more than likely mistakes in here somewhere so…here we are. NO beta we die like men.

Ruhn Danaan x Reader Summary: Two hearts are called together. A female working for the governor and the crown prince of the Valbaran Fae. brought together by a bad day and a party invitation.

Warnings: Vomiting, drugs and alcohol use, and nonsexual nudity Wordcount: 3.3k

I gently squeezed my eyes closed as the sunlight hit them. The throbbing in my head reminded me that I shouldn’t have drank so much the night before. It wasn’t that I had never woken up hungover before, but this wasn’t my room. And I wasn’t alone in this bed. 

My eyes flew open as the arms around my waist tightened and the person snuggling up next to me nuzzled their face between my shoulders. I glanced around the room, taking in the details of where I stayed the night. The room itself was messy - clothes strewn about the floor and flat surfaces, empty beer bottles on the nightstand. A Sword was placed up against the wall. Various posters and photographs were taped up on the walls. I glanced down to look at the arm wrapped around my waist and quickly noticed two things - the shirt I wore, was not mine, and the arm around my waist was covered in tattoos. 

My eyes slowly went back to the sword propped up against the wall. I knew that sword. All Fae knew that sword. That was the fucking Star Sword. It seemed like my brain finally started to wake up and connect the dots. I was in bed with the Crown Prince. 

12 hours earlier 

It wasn't unusual for Leo, my youngest brother, to text me about a party. However, it was unusual for me to accept his invitation. Work hadn’t been the greatest. Micah wasn’t happy with the 33rd Legion and I ended up playing an assistant and mediator between him, and quite frankly everyone else in the Comitium. I was drained and a party sounded like a good way to unwind.

After I sent off the text saying I would be there the day seemed to drag on and on. The Governor’s mood had thankfully improved as the hours passed and by the time I was reading off his schedule for the next day, he was in a fairly decent mindset. I dropped off the final reports that Isaiah had passed to me, before heading out for the day.

Making my way through the bustling streets of the Central Business District had me thankful that it was the weekend. Unlike the Old Square which was filled with tourists and college students strolling about, most of the people in the CBD had places to go and things to do. There was no one lingering about and stopping to stare at the sights the Central Business District had to offer. My heels clicked along the cobblestone as I made the short walk from the Comitium to my building. I took a moment to stare at the building, one of the largest purchases my brothers and I had ever made. 

We purchased it with the inheritance we acquired when my parents passed away. It got us away from FiRo and our old villa, where they’ve been slaughtered. Bloody walls and rugs didn't exactly make for a homely atmosphere.

The doorman opened the door for me as I walked up. The cool air hit me with full force, a stark contrast to the heat of the Lunathion summer. A quick wave to the receptionist and I hurried over to the elevator. Once in, I had to send a quick text to Leon.

“Is Mikhail coming tonight?” 

I wanted to check if I should pick up our eldest brother before we leave.

 “Nope. He’s hanging out with that angel of his.” 

Ah yes, Mikhail's mysterious boyfriend whom Leon and I had yet to meet. I planned a dinner tomorrow with the two of them, a quiet meet and greet in my home before unleashing Leon upon Mikhail’s poor boyfriend..

“Alrighty then. Text me the address so I know where I am heading. Also what time is this little gathering happening?” 

I moved all of my things to one arm as I went to undo the locks and magical wards to the condo. 

Once inside, I dropped my bag to the floor and kicked off the heels that I had worn to work. The natural light that filled the room made for a homely atmosphere. Though the view that extended from the windows is what I fought my brothers for. 

I beelined to the balcony. The Angel gate stood there proudly, light catching and reflecting prisms off the quartz. I leaned on the railing, taking in the streets of the CBD for a moment before padding back inside. 

Sometimes the large condo felt empty and big. 

Mikhail had his boyfriend and Leon was still in the process of wooing his mates. And I was married to my work. The long days pared with odd working hours put most potential romantic partners off. That’s not to mention the people I associated with. It's hard to find a date when you work directly with the Governor and the Triarii.

I had to eat something before I went out. Alcohol on an empty stomach was never a good idea. 

. 

My phone buzzed with a message from Leon.

“Place X, at XX hour.”

“👍”

Turning on some music I hopped in the shower. Hot water ran down my back and soothed my tense muscles. 

For the outfit, I settled on skin-tight black jeans, paired with heels and a vintage band t-shirt. Cute but nothing fancy. Knowing Leon and his buddies, if I wore anything more I would be overdressed. 

2 hours later

I found myself walking through the streets of the Old Square. The click of my heels was barely audible over the chaos of the district. Residents, tourists and college students were seen around the center of the city, already starting their weekend activities. I let out a sigh as I continued my way through the streets. I was glad I didn't waste any money on a taxi, since the traffic was pretty much at a standstill. The time during which I covered the distance to the destination address took as much as a cab ride.

The house in front of me was slightly run down, but nobody seemed to care as the party was in full swing. Loud music could be heard through the closed door.

I braced myself for the oncoming assault on my sensitive ears. I quickly send Leon a text telling him that I am here before approaching the door. 

After knocking upon the door in front of me, I was met with a tall,  red-headed fae.

“Welcome…Um…Do I know you?”

The male struggles to focus his vision on the female in front of him. He was trying very hard to keep his vision on me, but his level of intoxication was far beyond any focus.

“Leon invited me. I’m his older sister.” I pulled out my phone and the initial invite from Leon. 

“Ohhh… You're the famous big sister.” His eyes widened just a fraction. “Come on in. We got some beer in the fridge.”

“Thanks” I responded walking into the house. The smell of booze and mirth-root was nearly overwhelming upon entering.

The gathering was relatively small, comprising approximately 15 Fae and shifters casually mingling in what appeared to be a living room, adjoined by another space housing a beer pong table.

“I’m Dec.” The redhead introduced himself. 

“Y/N” I held out my hand for him to shake. He gave it a firm shake before letting go “Do you know where Leon is?”

“Last time I looked, he was in the kitchen.” He gestured in a direction, indicating what I presumed to be the kitchen. “Feel free to help yourself to any of the beverages.” He patted me on the shoulder before wandering off and leaving me alone.

I took a quick sweep of the room. My eyes landed on my brother's tall form. 

Leon Rosewood, while not the tallest Fae male here, still stood out in the crowd with his bright blue hair. He had dyed it in an act of rebellion when our parents were still alive, but after their deaths, he kept it for their memory.  And there he was leaning against the kitchen counter, a beer dangling out of his hand speaking to a preppy-looking brunette Fae male. 

Leon threw his head back in laughter at the male's comment.

“Leon!” I called out walking over to the two.

“Y/N” he turned to face me, wrapping me in a tight hug. “Glad you could finally make it.” “It’s a Friday night! The Old Square was packed with tourists and CCU students. It was a nightmare and I wasn’t about to sit in a cab in stand-still traffic.”

“Who's your friend Leo?” Leon’s companion asked.

“Ahh, Flynn this is my older sister Y/n. Y/N this is Tristan Flynn, one of the hosts.” Leon clapped the other male on the shoulder.

“It's a damn shame your brother has been keeping you hidden.” Flynn held his hand out. “He couldn’t keep me hidden, even if he tried!” I laughed and shook his hand. “I just have a rather unpredictable work schedule.” “You work over with the 33rd Legion, right? I think Leo mentioned it a while back.”  Flynn handed me a beer from the fridge which I happily accepted. “Technically, I am a part of the Triarii, but not in a combat position anymore. I work directly with the Governor now.” I had never really liked explaining my role to others. While I mostly acted as a secretary, I had at one point been in the combat position and could reenter the role if necessary. I didn’t particularly like to think about it, so I just smiled and waved it off. “Are those angels really as stuck up as they seem to be? Cause man, Isaiah Tiberian seems to have a massive stick up his ass.” Flynn asked. Leon snorted at his friend's question. “I mean most of the time, they aren’t.” I fought off the grimace that was beginning to show on my face. Isaiah was a close friend of mine and he was closed off for a reason. Who wouldn’t be after going through what he did? As a slave he had no real rights and when the master commands, a slave merely follows.

After leaving the public view, many tended to become more at ease. When we gathered in the barracks, the atmosphere was laid-back, with ongoing games and almost constant access to alcohol.

“Don’t y'all have a weekly dinner at your place Y/N?” Leon asked. 

“Yeah, we do. Typically Isaiah and I leave the Comitium early and cook up a nice meal for our little rag-tag Triarii group. Also, you do realize, you’ve been invited to all of them Leo. And you didn’t show up to any of them! Even Mikhail typically joins in.” 

I raised a brow at my brother. No, Leo was too busy partying, to remember that his mates were on a completely different continent. And only one of them even cares to talk to him, even if it's rare that she does.  “No shit! You all have family dinner together?” Flynn laughed “ I would have never thought they would be so domestic.”

I laughed at this. No, most people wouldn’t have realized how close the 4 of us were. They had taken me under their wings, some of them quite literally, after I had made the drop and joined the 33rd. We were our own little fucked up family even if no one saw us as such.  

While talking with my brother and Flynn I failed to notice the two males approaching us. I grabbed another beer and listened as Flynn started telling a wild story about a patrol he and my brother had been on last year when my eyes caught sight of him. 

Ruhn Danaan, Crown Prince of the Valbaran Fae. He was even more handsome in person. I had never had the pleasure of meeting him before, but now as he was in front of me I could admire him from up close.

Tall, well built with colourful tattoo sleeves. He stood out brightly against his dark outfit. The tight black shirt seemed to cling to his muscled chest. Long black hair flowed down to his waist, one side shaved down to the scalp. It had been no secret that I found Ruhn attractive. I had been teased about it by Naomi a few months ago. If only she could see me now. She would be a menace teasing the Hel out of me. “Flynn, Leo, who's your pretty friend?” His voice was like night, although slightly slurred by the alcohol intake. Ah, so the Prince was drunk. That should be interesting.

I could feel his eyes on me. I was torn between wanting to shy away and meeting his stare. Out of the corner of my vision, I could see Dec move behind the Prince to stand by my brother and new friend. I took a breath before meeting Danaan’s gaze. 

When violet met blue the world snapped into place. A gold bond solidified between the two of us.

A mating bond to be exact. Something most Fae spend their whole lives looking for. My heart starts to race in my chest. Never in my life have I thought I would be one of the few blessed with a bond.

I wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I felt like I was cemented to the ground. Ruhn looked equally as shocked. The others looked at the two of us, confusion visible on their faces. “Y/N what’s…” Leon starts but is interrupted by Ruhn.  

“Mate.” His eyes widened and his face turned green. In a disgustingly wonderful combination of shock, alcohol and mirth-root Rhun emptied the contents of his stomach on me and Leon. Vomit covered my clothes and clung to his hair. I couldn’t hide the grimace. While not the worst thing that I have had the pleasure to be covered in, it was still gross. 

Declan and Flynn looked between the two of us, clearly in shock. “Uh, Flynn? Could you help?” I asked. He nodded and motioned towards the stairs.

“Ok let's go get you cleaned up.” I gently led the Prince upstairs, slowly trudging after Flynn.

Once inside the bathroom, I gently sat the drunken Prince to sit on the toilet. I looked at him over and let out a sigh.

“Alright. Both of us need a shower and I am not going home covered in vomit and booze. But I’m not sure you are in any condition to be around water by yourself. So, don’t even try to twist this into something it’s not. This is not a sexy shower. I don’t care if you and I are mates.” 

I laid out the ground rules as I gently tugged his shirt off. A knock on the door pulled my attention away from the Prince as he started to unbuckle his belt. I moved and gently cracked open the door to find Flynn with a pile of clothes. “Once you get your clothes off, just place them outside. I will get them in the washer.” He handed me the pile.

“Thanks, Flynn.” Turning around I found Ruhn completely nude. I fought with a blush creeping upon my cheeks.

This wasn’t the first male I had seen naked, but something about the whole situation had me blushing like a Saint. I made quick work of my clothes before gathering up the soiled material and setting them just outside the door. 

It took me a minute to adjust the water temperature to something that wasn’t cold or scalding hot. “You are stunning.” Ruhn complemented, as I gently guided him into the shower. “And you are drunk.” I stepped in after him. He leaned on me throughout the shower but kept his hands to himself. At some point, I could feel his gaze lingering on some of my scars, but I paid it no mind. It was only when I started washing his hair, he moved to touch me. His arms wrapped around my waist as he rested his forehead against my shoulder.

“We are going to have to get a story together. That way if we ever end up having kids we won’t have to tell them that their dad puked on their mom when we met.” I laughed. His arms slightly tightened around me, before he mumbled something against my shoulder. He was leaning on me more and more. 

“Let me finish washing myself, then we can get you into bed.” 

After some coaxing, he let go of me. It didn’t take too much effort to get him dressed in one of the two pairs of boxers that Flynn had brought. I quickly pulled on the other pair and tugged the large black shirt over my head. The scent of cedar and cypress enveloped me. It was Ruhn’s scent. It felt comforting and safe. In a split second, I decided, he was not getting this shirt back. I glanced over at the Prince brushing through his hair. He now fancied a smug grin on his face.

“Don’t look so smug. The only reason I am in your clothes right now is because you threw up on me.”

I playfully scolded, taking the brush, once he had finished. I combed through my hair, untangling the knots. Ruhn walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me into his firm chest. “OK, time to get you to bed.”  I had to coax the Prince to let go of me so that I could lead him out of the restroom. The party was still in full swing downstairs, music thumping and pounding in my ears. Ruhn wandered towards one of the closed doors upstairs, opening it and pulling me in. I led him towards the bed not caring to take in my surroundings as Ruhn flopped onto the mattress. I moved to head towards the door so that I could return to the restroom to call a cab when a hand grabbed my wrist.

“Stay.” For the first time all night, his voice was clear. Bright blue eyes bored into mine. A silent plea for me to stay. “Fine, but only until my clothes are clean.” This was all he needed to pull me into the bed with him. “We are not going to fool around Ruhn.” I scolded him. 

“Ok.” He responded sleepily. He hugged me, wrapping around my body, effectively trapping me within the confines of his arms.

In the end, I was not sure if the exhaustion I felt was my own or Ruhn’s coming through the bond, but I promised myself I was just going to shut my eyes for a few minutes and then call a cab. 

My eyes slowly started to feel heavier and I couldn’t stop from blinking rapidly to keep myself awake for just a little longer. Eventually, I was lulled to sleep by the steady beating of my mate’s heart.   

[yankstrash]

here to ask for miss meels throwing a hissy fit over the essentials hoodie

YES MA'AM YES MA'AM 🫡

meels sat on gabes bed as he packed for his upcoming roadie

"here baby," gabe said as he reached over and grabbed a bc hockey hoodie, holding it out to his girlfriend. "i've been wearing this all week to get it ready for you while i'm gone this weekend."

amelia looked at gabe, looked at the hoodie, then back at gabe. instead of taking the hoodie from his hands, she held her hand out and grabbed onto the hoodie gabe was currently wearing.

"i want this one." she said and smiled

immediately, gabe shut it down

"nooo no no nope. take this one babe, i've been wearing it just for you to have while i'm gone. here," gabe said, trying to hand amelia the hockey hoodie but she wasn't taking it

"i want this one that you're wearing." she said again, but gabe shook his head.

"WHY?!" amelia blurted out.

"you know why." gabe said bluntly

amelia rolled her eyes as she said, "hun, i promise i'll give it back to you. just please let me borrow it."

"meels, you know you can borrow absolutely any of my sweatshirts, besides this one. this is my favorite and it was expensive and baby i love you but i know if i give you this hoodie i will never ever see it again."

amelias mouth fell agape, "that's not true!!!! i will give it back!"

"really?" gabe asked, giving her a look. "so where's my grey bc hockey hoodie, huh? and my blue ntdp one? and my new york one? and my black champion one?"

amelias eyes darted around, pretending to think.

"they're.. somewhere. i have them, they're just in my room." she said

"uh huh." gabe said

"gabe, pleaseeee let me borrow it. pleaseeeee please please i swear i will give it back to you the second you get home sunday night." amelia pleaded, but gabe continued to shake his head

"GABEEEE!" amelia whined out, throwing her hands down

gabe laughed a bit at her outburst, though meels did not find it funny.

"it's not funny! you're being mean!"

"no i'm not, princess! i'm being reasonable! don't give me the attitude." gabe said

meels crossed her arms at his response

"that's not helping your case, mee mee."

amelia huffed and continued to beg

"gabriel PLEASE! i SWEAR, this hoodie," she said, grabbing a fistful of it, "will be back in your hands by sunday night when you return home and if it isn't i will buy you a new one."

"sureee you will." gabe joked

and cue another eye roll from amelia

time to bring out her best weapon: the puppy eyes

"no, nope cut it out." gabe said as soon as he saw her big brown eyes grow. "meels c'mon, it's not going to work."

but oh, it did. because it always does.

"jesus, FINE!" gabe said, and amelia clapped her hands and cheered.

"but amelia middle/n i swear to god if i don't get this hoodie back the second i get home.."

"you'll get it back bub i promise!!"

and yes, she absolutely did give it back. gabe does not play around with the essentials hoodie.

[creampuffqueen]

wheeee got tagged by @nova-leaf thank you <333

Last song: lay all your love on mee by ABBA

Last book: i've basically just been in an obsessive cycle of rereading all of the chronicles of the avatar books over and over again. reading the dawn of yangchen once again

Last movie: Mamma Mia! watched it for the very first time. which is why i'm listening to ABBA songs

Last TV Show: i watched the new bluey episode that came out today lol. as always, very cute. yes i am a square dog show for preschoolers enjoyer, what about it

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: sweet all the way. i have the biggest sweet tooth ong

Relationship status: singleeeee. do i have time for a girlfriend right now? no. do i want one anyway? absolutely

Last thing i googled: i had to scroll so far back because turns out all i do is read ao3 💀 but it was 'when does the new taylor swift album come out'

Current obsession: anything avatar related. i know so much lore and info about this universe that there isn't room for anything else in my brain <3

Looking forward to: this semester being overrrrr i have just a couple more weeks. but before that i'm going to do some volunteering at a wildlife rescue with my friends next weekend so i'm definitely looking forward to that

idk who to tag so if you see this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

[lounaticcc]

babes it's monday ☝🏻 and yk what that means 🥰 it's cramming time huhuhu</3 I told myself I'd get our canva presentation done last night BUT MY BOY BSF DISTRACTED ME WITH DTI STOPPXKWKNDLQ I only got three slides done what 😞😞

I was able to finish one of my book assignments last night (not really finish bc I still have one page of it to finish HAHA) but I still have my 4 page I think filipino assignment to finish HUEHEUHUHU I mean it'd be fine IF IT WASN'T FILIPINO???? sorry chat this is me revealing my true colors of how terrible I am at my own country's national language 🤕

AND THEN my sc partylist president told us that it's final that campaigning would start tomorrow while I don't have my introduction and other stuff ready yet 🤗 I sound like I'm complaigning but I'm not I just hate how much I procrastinate 🙏🏼🙏🏼

ANYWAY I "STALKED" your account a little earlier and I found out that I haven't replied to that one reblog of yours to my post where I amswered one of your asks HUEHEUHU I'M SO SORRY</3 I'll reblog it the moment I send this ask hihi

sorry for the rant lovie BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH U TOO 🤲🏻 have a great monday, LOU LALOVE KO

I did NOT feel like doing any work this long weekend 🤕 Unfortunately I followed my heart and I ended up watching Kimi Ni Todoke yesterday for several hours, me and my family went out a lot too and today I sat and played valorant😓 Is it just me or August us going by wayy too fast... Like someone pinch me and tell me it's friday and the long weekend is just about to start

Anyways I have a Filipino book assignment too what!?!? We have to read a 4 page long story 🥲 I don't even have my book, I'm reading it through pictures my friend sent me hwgrhssj I'll take hours reading this story not gonna lie I read Filipino so slowww and sadly I'm also terrible with Filipino I HAVE TO WRITE A SCRIPT THAT'S CONNECTED TO THIS STORY TOO ☹️ I said I was gonna finish the script todayy I haven't even read it yet!!! But whatever I can do this cause my talent is procrastinating and cramming 💯💯 AND GOODLUCK WITH YOUR CAMPAIGNNN remember to breathe and enjoy the moment!!

It's fine hwheheh with the workload our teachers give us I don't really mind how long you take to reply to my reblogs or asks <33 I literally took hours to reply to this ask🤕 Also you never need to be sorry about ranting to mee‼️You can rant just as much as you want <3

Also about what's going on... I may or may not have spent over 1k this weekend cause I went to Ikea with my family and I was looking for the stuffed animals and I ended up buying the dog and the shark ngl I almost bought the big shark (PhP990) and I also bought a mirror from Miniso well I actually needed the mirror so it's finee

[danikatze]

Hey, gekke vraag.. ik ga zondag 3 maart naar de liveshow van Welcome to Night Vale in Utrecht en ik heb een kaartje over! Kan ik iemand daar blij mee maken? Helemaal gratis wat mij betreft, het kaartje is al betaald.

You know what, I'll also reach out to non-Dutch speaking people who are in the Netherlands this weekend. Are you interested in a free ticket to the Welcome to Night Vale live show Sunday 3 March in Utrecht? Send me a message lol

Ik verwacht hier eigenlijk niks van omdat ik bijna nooit iets post/reblog over wtnv, dus niemand zal me daarvoor gevolgd hebben. Maar niet geschoten is altijd mis, toch?

[coolpeopleonlyexist]

Smile At The Camera!!

Emily Davis x Jessica Riley

Jess opened her phone to see a notification from josh, a smile stretched on her face as she read it.

'Joshy: We are going to the lodge this weekend, ya comin?'

Jess sighs as she types a response.

'Me: Yeah, im going! saturday right?'

Jess giggles when josh sends a thumbs up as a response "Okay! Time to pack, i guess." jess turns her head to her closet and makes her way to it, pulling out the suitcase and then somethings falls out aswell.

Jess grabs it from the floor and flips it to see it was pictures of her and emily, one was where they were both cuddling with eachother on emilys bed and as emily was smiling widely at the camera jess was sticking her tongue out with a smile, they had interwined their hands, emilys cat jemily was curled up next to them.

The other one was of jess looking at emily lovingly as emily looked away from the camera to look at jemily, both girls looking at the black haired girl in awe and love.

Jess and emily decided the cats name long ago because they decided to adopt her together but jess couldn’t keep the cat and emily could so they agreed on emily keeping her at her house.

......

"Lets name her Jemily!" emily rolled her eyes "Jess thats the stupidest name ever." jess gasped "But its our name togetherrr" she whined laying her head onto emilys shoulder "Fine, whatever." though a smile played on her lips as she pet the black kitten "Shes beautiful." jess smiled "She has your hair and my eyes!" emily giggled "Yeah, she does doesn’t she?" jess nodded "We should get her a pink collar." emily nodded "I guess so." jess smirked as an idea popped in her head.

Jess leaned over and flicked her tongue on emilys cheek "Ew!! Gross jess!" emily wiped her cheek with the back of her hand trying to ignore the heat building up on her face "Meow," jessica plopped her head on emilys lap "God your childish!" emily tried to fake a glare but jessicas smile was contagious so she also began to smile even though she tried her best efforts not to.

"Its like we are one happy family, im the mom and your the dad-" emily cut her off "The dad?" jess let out a cackle "Im just joshing ya!" emily rolled her eyes "Both of us are the moms and heres our daughter jemily." emily sighed "Still think the names stupid." jess smiled "But you still agreed to it because you lovee mee." emily looked down at her "Maybe i do." jess giggled and turned to look at jemily running around the room with her tail in the air.

......

Jess felt tears build in her eyes as she looks at the picture even more, looking at the glimmer in emilys eyes and the way the cat looks at her as well "I wish this ended better." jess couldn’t even remember why she even ended up with mike and didn’t want to even think of it.

It was all so confusing, she wanted to end up with emily and that was what she was going for but something was fucked up and she ended up with mike instead and she will always regret it but what does it matter? Emily hates her and she can never change that.

Jess lets out a shakey sigh as cold tears slowly ran down her face as she places them on her chest next to her beating heart "Em.." jess lets out a sob, she knows shes supposed to be the bitchiest one of both of them and isn’t supposed to care about this type of thing but the friendship between emily and her was meaningful to her and when emily walked away she also left with a piece of jessica with her, she knows emily is probably not even thinking about her right now, maybe shes already burned all the memories they had together or shes deleting all the pictures of them together while shes laying on her bed with jemily, their daughter.

[karebear923]

I fell in love all over again today!!!

With the love of my life Sea Tawinan!!! 🥰



And just look at his smile!!! *swoon* 😍

(Well if I made posts simping over Jimmy in Ploy’s Yearbook then of course I’m also gonna post about simping over Sea in The Trainee)

He’s such a cutie patootie in this one!!! The insight into the start of Tae and Bah-Mee’s relationship in ep 5 was really cute! ☺️

And with the Vice Versa rerun airing now I get to see him all weekend long for the next few weeks!! A double dose of Sea for me! 😄