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knightprincess · 3 years ago

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Heart & Soul (Crosshair x Fem Reader)

Words: 4.7k (yeah sorry long one) Warning: 18+ Mature content, sexual content, unprotected sex, P in V. praise, teasing.

If there was one thing Crosshair hated, it was the uncomfortable feeling he got when been denied or teased in any sexual manner. He'd lost count how many times (Y/N) in particular had teased him, it always being in a way he couldn't complain about. Mainly her choice of nightwear. A random tank top paired with loose fitting mini shorts. There was just something about those shorts, his body never failed to react, sometimes to the point he struggled to get his words out without stuttering. His brothers too had noticed his reaction, if they weren't teasing him about it, they were normally staring after (Y/N) with desire shinning brightly in their honey eyes. Wrecker never failing to make a loud comment, loud enough for any stranger passing by to hear. Hunter would always stop what he was doing, often times forgetting what he'd been doing and suddenly make an excuse up to go to the refresher. Tech and Echo on the other hand were the most normal, bidding (Y/N) good morning, asking her how her night was, Tech always with a cup of caf waiting for her.

Many of times had Crosshair found himself imagining what he would do if the pair of them were alone, the many scenarios playing out. Nearly all of them having something to do with (Y/N)'s pleasure filled moans filling the quiet ship. Yet to the snipers frustration, the chance had never arisen. The only time it had was when (Y/N) had been severely injured and knocked unconscious during a mission, he'd stayed by her side, holding her hand. Refused to leave until she woke. He'd stayed with her after that too, her admission of feeling safe with him and her simple question of asking him to stay had him all to eager to share her bunk.

That event had kicked started their close bound. If there was ever a moment where Crosshair needed medical attention, he'd only ever allow (Y/N) to attend to his injuries. He'd also be the one to watch holo-films with her, just as he'd shared his secrets with her and vice versa, she'd also been the one he told of his hatred for Kamino and the reason for it, about his scarring training. (Y/N), had somehow made it a little better, knowing she was listening helped a lot, never once had she judged him for his past but instead accepted him for who he was. Yet despite that she seemed to deny him the acknowledgment of being teased by her. It wasn't just the shorts but other things too, the way she would sway his hips a little more when she knew he was watching, the comments to escape her perfect lips every now and again, even the way he would press up against him in the tight spaces of the ship.

Often in those moments had Crosshair's mind played tricks on him. There being times he swore she whispered something to him, or when he felt her gentle touch burnt through his armor, yet never once could he confirm it in anyway. Yet still his body had reacted, goosebumps raising in the area she touched with her softly burning touch, the hair on the back of his neck would raise as he'd find his chest tightening and words becoming stuck in his throat. His member would twitch and begin to throb, almost begging to be touched and paid attention to.

The nights after these chastise interactions, his mind filled with seductive encounters with (Y/N), his short soundless sleep being filled with vivid dreams, his mind tricked him into believing they were a secret reality, those dreams eventually turning into pinning wishes of his heart. Those wishes he was sure would be unfulfilled. The same ones he refused to utter a single word about, not even to (Y/N). Instead he suffered in silence until he could escape to the refresher unnoticed and jerk himself off. Those moments always being to the thought of (Y/N) in her loose fitting black night shorts, although he would occasional wonder if it was wrong of him to satisfy himself while thinking of her. Just as he found himself hoping no one heard his soft moans of her name when passing by the refresher door.

It wasn't until a special stake out mission did the unfulfilled hopes and fantasies really begin torment Crosshair. The small Inn the team found themselves in, not having enough rooms for all of them to be alone. Instead pairing would happen. Tech and Echo had voiced their acceptance of being room mates for a few nights, not finding anything out of the ordinary since the pair often fell asleep in the cockpit. Crosshair on the other hand had quickly been paired with (Y/N), Hunter resigning himself to the fate of sleepless nights, knowing Wrecker could snore loudly and often moved around in his sleep. The occasional time he'd have imaginary arguments with someone.

Each pairing heading to their rooms moments later, all with the hope of having a bed to themselves. Echo and Tech had the luck of the draw, both wasting no time in stretching out over the beds with Tech setting up his equipment moments after entering the double room. Hunter and Wrecker also had beds to themselves, Wrecker almost breaking his with his eagerness to try out the bouncy mattress, a few comments escaping about how fun the stake out mission would be. Crosshair and (Y/N) on the other hand weren't as lucky. The room housing a single double bed, if anything it appeared to be the honeymoon suite. Both looking to the other with uncertainty before returning their gaze to the room before them. The roomy bed pushed up against the back wall, ottomans at the end of it, a single door leading to the on-suite bathroom, another double door leading to a spacious balcony, one with a breath taking view. The pair had stood in the open door way for what seemed like forever, neither speaking a word as they both tried to work out a solution to what could only be described as the awkward situation.

"Congratulations" come a unknown voice from behind the pair. The duo looking around quickly. Crosshair's hand on the weapon holstered to his hip, the other reaching for (Y/N) as if to protect her from the intruding voice. (Y/N)'s hand reaching for her lightsaber, as if on instinct, yet both falling into confusion upon seeing a middle aged woman peering at them, a bright smile on her lips as her eyes washed over the pair. Yet letting a sigh escape her lips upon seeing their confusion reigning down on her. "On your wedding. Only wedded couples stay in this suite" added the woman, dressed in simple garments, it being likely she helped run the inn and unaware of them just staying for a mission. Just as it was unlikely anyone knew about the ongoing war on the backwater planet they found themselves on.

"Oh erm ...." (Y/N) had began, her cheeks turning a pale shade of pink. One of Crosshair's hand finding its way to the back of his neck in an awkward manner, clearly as lost for words as (Y/N) was. The surprise of the assumption knocking them both off guard, to the point they were unsure what they were to do now. In a rare moment, Crosshair had been pleased for Hunter's sudden appearance, his honey eyes begging for help in the situation. Although it was clear Hunter found amusement at the scene he found himself walking into.

"It was a secret wedding. Only a few of us in attendance" spoke Hunter in response, his smokey voice barely above a whisper as if it was a secret only the middle aged woman could know. Crosshair could only throw Hunter a highlighted I hated you look, (Y/N)'s glare accompanying it, both unsure how that played into the stake out mission but couldn't object without making it obvious something was amiss. Crosshair soon reached for his stash of toothpicks, his eyes growing wide as he recalled something from days before hand, although he'd believed it was a vivid dream he'd began to wonder if it held truth to it.

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Crosshair had been sat on his bunk, when news of the stake out had been delivered by one of the many Jedi General's, the republic having decided the group of five and (Y/N) were the best for job. Maybe it was there unparalleled success rate or their abilities to improvise when the time arose, or the fact they weren't so obviously identified as clones as others had been and (Y/N) was often mistaken for a Senator rather than a Jedi Knight. Although Tech had stated that was from her well known undercover op a few months prior to the war beginning.

A joke had been made about how to blend in further. Echo throwing in (Y/N) marrying one of them would be a good diversion, Tech agreeing quickly despite the laugh to escape (Y/N) as she believed it to be a joke of some sort. Hunter had thrown forward the idea of (Y/N) using her Senator persona, with the rest of them being her security, although that would mean her giving them her lightsabers, something they all knew she was unsure about. Crosshair on the other hand had been close to (Y/N), sat opposite her in the tight confinement of the Marauder, he could see how unsure she was about being the center of it all. Especially after her last uncover op had resulted in injury for several of them after a fire fight had broken out.

Crosshair had been lost in thought while looking at (Y/N) with softness, he'd not heard Wrecker agreeing with the marriage idea and volunteering the sniper for the role. Using Crosshair's calm and collective nature as reason for his recommendation. (Y/N) getting up with a sigh and snapped Crosshair out of his thoughts, not a single word passed her lips as she climbed up into her quiet spot above the bunks, it being clear she wanted time alone to think over everything, where as Crosshair turned his attention to his brothers, quickly understanding he had missed something important.

"The stake out mission, will require a believable distraction for being there. (Y/N) unfortunately will have to bare the brunt of the stress" started Tech, finding himself overwhelmed with guilt over his agreement to the idea, just as Echo found himself the same for submitting the idea in the first place. "The distraction will be (Y/N)'s honeymoon" carefully spoke Tech, as if fearing how his younger brother would react. He watched as the others did, as the different emotions passed over the snipers features, confusion, uncertainty, anger and concern. A unspoken question on his lips of wondering if there was a better way.

"(Y/N) just said decided among us and tell her after" excitedly spoke Wrecker, as if the idea of marrying a Jedi Knight was the best thing he'd heard in a while. Although he stopped upon noticing the glare Crosshair shot in his direction. "We were going on which one of us would be best. Since none of us are really keen on the idea either" calmly proclaimed the human bulldozer, as if attempting to calm Crosshair's murderous glare and redirection the attention elsewhere. Even now the glare Crosshair had mastered terrified Wrecker, far beyond what the war had thrust far thrown at them.

"I'll do it" muttered Crosshair, unsure what had come over him, he'd felt the need to protect her and correct what had been deemed an injustice done against her. Plus deep down he knew he held a secret love for her, not just lust but pure adoration too. She brought out his soft side, showed no judgment towards him, instead only care and acceptance, the least he could do now was this to help her through the mission and bare some of the burden weight.

Crosshair had climbed up to her hideout seconds later, joining her in the tight space above. Lying next to her. He knew she had turned the cramped area into a little room for herself, a couple of pillows and blankets one side, the other (Y/N) laid across the floor with a book in her hands, although it was clear she wasn't reading it, instead staring at the printed words as if they held the means of her escape from what troubled her.

"Come to tell me who the unlucky one is?" quietly whispered (Y/N) her voice unenthusiastic as she listened as Wrecker pulled down his bunk and the remaining three make excuses to leave the area and uncomfortable silence. Crosshair merely hummed in response, tucking his arms behind his head as he looked up to the drawing taped above, softness returning to him as he realized the drawing were portraits on him and his brothers. Each portraying them in the midst of something. Hunter seemingly lost in thought as he span his vibroblade between his fingers, Tech captured talking of something, Echo as he watched the colors of hyperspace, Wrecker while holding his Tooka doll, Lula. The one of himself depicting him doing his normal rifle cleaning routine, he did after every mission. Yet as Crosshair strained his memory, he couldn't ever recall seeing (Y/N) around during any of the moments depicted, as if she had drawing them from pure memory rather than being there with them.

"That would be yours truly" admitted Crosshair, reaching out one of his hands to gently take the book from her hands, instead reaching for the holopad close by. Pulling her close upon retrieving it, his mind focusing on comforting her and accepting the burden they would both be sharing. He wasn't sure why he place a soft kiss to her hair line, but felt the need to do so. The pair finding comfort in each other as they decided on a film to watch, Crosshair feeling a little more confident the longer (Y/N) stayed in her position, her head against his shoulder, one of her arms stretch across his chest.

The pair having fallen asleep like it. Tech having noticed Crosshair hadn't come down so checked on the duo, moving a blanket from the opposite side and draping it over the pair, before returning to the cockpit, where Echo had already nodded off. Hunter and Wrecker too had fallen for the lure of sleep. The next day would bring the short wedding, nothing too special, although Tech had began to question whether it would be valid or not in the minds of the pair and those to witness it.

The following morning the little ceremony took place. (Y/N) in her Jedi robes, her lightsabers attached to her belt, Crosshair donning his normal armor, rifle attached to his pack with other weapons on his personnel. The group stood next to the Marauder. Hunter, Tech, Echo and Wrecker stood by as witnesses. Crosshair and (Y/N) facing each other, as they had done many times in the past, although not with the meaning this time had.

"Mhi solus tome. Mhi solus dar'tome. Mahi me'dinui an. Mhi" spoke both (Y/N) and Crosshair in unison. The pair of them being serious. Yet as quick as that it was done.

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As if a wave hit Crosshair, he seemed unsure how he'd forgotten it, was there a mind trick being played on him or did both he and (Y/N) suffer some injury during the trip to get to the backwater planet. Yet he didn't voice his thoughts, neither did (Y/N) stood next to him as if she was in some sort of trance. Without a second thoughts Crosshair slipped the bag from her shoulder, gently picking her up moments later, as if to play the role he'd just remembered, a playful scream and laugh escaping (Y/N). One of her arms hooking around the back of his neck, the other reaching up for his free shoulder.

"Please tell me you have those shorts" whispered Crosshair, wondering if he'd be blessed with such a sight. He'd never admit those tiny black shorts turned him on. (Y/N) merely nodded her head in response, already being able to guess where this was going. His lustful looks and terrible excuses hadn't gone unnoticed by her. Nor had his jealous looks when they'd all find themselves at 79's. Crosshair never failed to scare some poor soul away or intimidate them into leaving, most of the time without uttering a single word. Most clones learnt quickly Crosshair wasn't to be messed with, especially over something that was his or someone he cared about, other patrons had also learnt the same lesson through a few fights.

"Hmm. Maybe I can use them to motivate you into doing a good job" commented (Y/N), hearing Crosshair chuckle as he carefully dropped her on the bed, the yelp to escape her only serving to make Crosshair chuckle a little louder than before. The sniper soon sat beside her on the bed, both suddenly becoming lost in the view from the balcony doors. Crosshair found himself wondering what was so important about the planet they were on, why they would need a cover for being in a place so far out of the way, he was surprised both the republic and separatists even remembered it. Even he couldn't remember the name of the planet, even when Tech had spoken it several times.

"A reward for a job well done ....." whispered Crosshair, breaking the silence between them, gathering the necessary things, needed for the mission, (Y/N) looked to him, sensing there were words left unsaid. "ner kar'ta bal runi I have a few other ideas too" admitted the sniper before their conversation was interupted. Both walking from the room moments later, Crosshair with a stronger feeling to protect the woman he gained the right to call "His Jedi"

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Upon returning to the suite that night. (Y/N) went to the shower as she had stated she would before hand. Washing away the mixture of mud, blood and anything else dirtying her. She made sure to clean up after herself, if only to ensure Crosshair could shower in peace too. Before leaving the fair sized bathroom, she dressed in the loose fitting black shorts and a figure hugging black tank top. Wrapping her hair in a towel to ensure it didn't drip water everywhere. Upon entering the main suite, she found Crosshair effortless cleaning his rifle, although she knew he had already done that, so had likely been doing it to pass the time.

"All yours" softly spoke (Y/N), causing Crosshair to jump slightly, it being so clear he'd been lost in his thoughts, although he soon stood and turned towards her, his breath getting stuck in his throat upon his eyes landing on her. The top she wore leaving little to the imagination, the fabric hugging all her curves and showing her erected nipples clearly. Yet soon enough Crosshair snapped himself out of it, sending himself to the bathroom. The moment he stepped under the warm water of the shower, he felt his tense muscles relax, yet his wonder got wilder. Questions floated through his head as he washed away the boggy mud sticking to his skin and rinsed his short hair back to the natural silver color. He wondered what would happen between himself and (Y/N) now. By Mandalorian rule they were technically married, he a clone and she a Jedi, a pairing not too uncommon since the war had began.

As the sniper stepped from the shower, he felt his confidence rise as the nippy crisp air bit at his exposed skin. Although he barely noticed as he wrapped a towel loosely around his waist, using another to catch the water droplets making their escape down the back of his neck and face. The same towel becoming useful again moments later as he cleared the steam from the mirror before him. Just seconds later leaving the bathroom to find (Y/N) on one of the chairs in the corner of the room, holopad in hand as she read over something.

Once again Crosshair felt his confidence rise, just as he wanted to see where things would go from here. (Y/N) had worn those shorts as she said she would if he did a good job. Yet once again he noticed she wasn't actually reading what was one her holopad. She was a fast reader, her knew that, so knew she would have likely turned the page by now. The sniper wasted little time getting to her, sitting on the stool before her, resting her bare feet on his toweled lap, hearing her hum as if she had been waiting for him to return. Without really thinking began to run his fingers up and down her calf, soft strokes as if he was teasing her in ways different to how she often teased him.

He soon moved up her body, connecting their lips within seconds, his hands trailing down her arms and body. Her own arms swinging around the back of his neck, as if to pull him closer to her. The kiss seeming so right to them both, Crosshair feeling as if the missing part of him, had been found. Where as (Y/N), felt the love she knew had been missing from her life, the passion she had only dreamed of one day experiencing for herself. The too soon parted, if only to catch their breath. Their heads resting together as they looked into the others eyes, as if looking for any sign of rejection or regret, both pleased to find nothing of the sort.

"Ner kar'taylir darasuum, maybe we should take this to the bed" whispered Crosshair. Seeing her agreement as she placed the forgotten holopad to the side, standing up moments later. (Y/N) allowing him to lead her to the bed, his instruction to lay on her back something she did without question, not being surprised when he pulled the rim of her top down, exposing her breasts to the cold air surrounding them. Although his hands soon found them, his lips following shortly after. Crosshair's free hand soon began to move lower, reaching beneath the hem of her black sorts, although he stopped in surprise to realize she wore no underwear beneath the shorts. His eyes growing darker with lust as he looked to her, continuing on with play with her nipples and finding her sensitive spot hidden beneath the shorts.

The moment contact being made, (Y/N), softly moaned, it sounding so sweet to Crosshair as he continued to play with her. Running his long fingers through her folds, hearing her moan every time. The sound only serving to get him excited too. He didn't stop (Y/N) when her hands reached for the towel hung around his waist, gently undoing it, finally pay him attention. Her hands soft as she pushed him over, connecting their lips once he was on his back, her hand finding its way to his member, wrapping around him as she began to pump. Crosshair's only response was to hold back his own moan as his hands found her breasts again. Pulling her top up and over her head moments later. If only to gain better access to her.

"Want me to take the shorts off too" teased (Y/N), seeing the way his honey eyes darkened further. Yet before she could reached for the hem of her shorts, Crosshair's hands found his wrists. In a blink of an eye their position changed again. Once again he was back on top of her. His lips finding hers as his hands found his own member. His patients showing through as he continued to play with her, his own games in mind and desires. Just as he wanted to pleasure her in a way she hadn't been before.

"No" responded Crosshair after what felt like hours passed. "I want to take you, while you're wearing them" added the sniper, swiftly pushing the shorts to the side, enough to give him access to her core. With a silent request and (Y/N) nodding in response, he soon began to run his member through her wet folds, hearing her moan further. "All this wetness for me. whatever did I do to earn such a reward" whispered Crosshair, as his lips found her jaw, not wishing to stifle her quiet moans. He soon lined himself up with her entrance, looking to (Y/N) once more before slowly pushing himself in, feeling how tight her walls were around him, it taking all his strength not to come right there and then. "Fuck you're tight" whispered Crosshair, placing his hands beside her head to stabilize himself. His other hand resting on her cheek once he was completely sheathed inside her. Allowing her time to adjust to his size.

Upon (Y/N) nodding, he began to move, pulling almost all the way back out before thrusting back into her. Feeling her legs wrap around his waist, she soon pulled his lips back to hers, feeling each and every thrust he made into her. Her moans growing louder although stifled by Crosshair's lips on hers. Their tongues fighting for dominance all the while. Crosshair soon began to pick up the pace of his thrusts, obeying her request he goes faster, soon finding her sweet spot. His self given order to hit it as much as he could, thrust giving her the maximum amount of pleasure he possibly could. Without warning he soon pulled out, positioning her on her hands and knees, sliding back in without much effort. Keeping up with the same pace as before. Hearing (Y/N) moan even more than before, as she felt him go even deeper than before.

"Sing for me cyar'ika" spoke Crosshair breathlessly, gently moving his hands from her hips to her shoulders, pulling her up to rest against him. Her head against his shoulder as he went deeper inside her. Her lips against his ear as she moaned his name with pleasure. His hands finding their way back to her breasts once he was sure she wouldn't fall, giving them the attention they deserved. "Good girl" praised Crosshair, his own lips finding her neck as he gently began to nibble and suck, determined to leave a mark that would mark her as his own.

"Cross" moaned (Y/N), feeling as her stomach began to knot, knowing she was close to her climax. "I'm gonna come" moan (Y/N), as she screamed out moments later. Crosshair not letting up on his pace, riding her through her high. Switching positions again when she was had come back down. This time allowing her to straddle him. Pushing her shorts to the side again, as he re-entered her, the sound of their moans ringing out and mixing with the sound of skin slapping against skin. Although Crosshair soon sat up, wrapping his arms around her waist, her lips finding his neck as he had done with her earlier. Stifling her moans as she nibbled and sucked on his neck, leaving a mark that would be visible there for days.

In a last whim, Crosshair flipped them again, back to the original position, although not pulling out this time. His thrusts becoming sloppy as he reached his own end, yet determination in his eyes to get her to climax again before he did. "You going to come for me again Cyar'ika?" asked Crosshair breathlessly, seeing her nod beneath him, he soon reached for her sensitive spot, rubbing in circles to bring her to her climax sooner. Hearing her moans grow louder again as she began to beg for her end. The pair soon coming at the same time. Crosshair deep inside her, collapsing on her moments later, pulling out, using what remained of his strength to do so. His lips once again finding (Y/N)'s as he brushed some of her hair from her forehead, stuck there by the layer of sweat to coat them both.

His arms soon wound around her waist again, (Y/N) finding the energy to reach for the blanket to cover them both. Snuggling closer to him upon doing so. Both trying to catch their breath, while trying to avoid the lure of sleep. The day tiring both of them out, although neither could argue with how it ended.

"Ner Mesh'la" whispered Crosshair before dozing off, his arms still around (Y/N), his head resting against hers, a rare soft smile on his lips. (Y/N) following along shortly after, her last thoughts on how the rest of the scout mission was going to play out. But also being thankful, she had Crosshair with her.

#crosshair x reader #crosshair #CT-9904 #reader #x reader #jedi reader #star wars #the bad batch #crosshair x jedi reader

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hongnanglen-arina · 4 years ago

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Forget me not | Hong Joshua

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Joshua x fem reader

Warnings: sick!reader, dementia

Words: 3k

A/N: Hey there! So here it is, my first angsty fic on here. I’m currently going through this myself but writing it down helped me cope with it a bit. Of course having to deal with this syndrome/disease is anything but romantic or nice but i tried to make it less bad if you know what i mean... anyways, i really hope you don’t have to deal with this in rl. Please be healthy!! Love you ♡

Tagged: @love-dreams @seokcalibur

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The first time Joshua knew that something was off was at your birthday party 5 years ago. When you talked too fast, often times you mixed up the names especially the similar ones. You nearly forgot the cake in the oven. Luckily your cousin noticed it. During the party, he thought you were just too excited or too stressed because you wanted it to be perfect. You’ve always been like this.

But when you were alone in the kitchen after everyone had left, you asked him about the special occasion of the party. You couldn’t remember it was your birthday.

He had laughed and thought it was a joke. But it wasn’t.

The questions increased, more and more random reactions happened until he couldn’t leave you alone anymore.

Once he was at a market with you. It was a lovely saturday afternoon. You two enjoyed those short getaways a lot. You would randomly choose a place up to 3 hours away from your home and would drive there, spent the day or even the whole weekend there and would go back happily as if you had a little vacation. That day you had decided to split up so he could secretly get the little bouquet of roses for you before joining you at the grocery store to help with the bags. The bouquet was placed securely on the backseat of your car when he stepped into the grocery store, looking for you. The store wasn’t too big so he was sure that it wouldn’t take long to find you. No sign of you at the fruit corner, the pastries, alcohol nor the snacks corner. He just couldn’t find you. He even asked the workers to call your name through the speakers because he started to get worried. 5 minutes passed. 10. 15. Still no sign. He didn’t want to bother the busy workers a second time so he made his way back to your rented apartment for the weekend. Maybe you wanted to start preparing dinner because you’ve been always like this. You never wanted to get help if it wasn’t really necessary. This was one of the reasons you two would get into an argument but those never lasted for long.

When Joshua got into the car and drove down the street in the direction of your apartment, he saw you sitting at the bus stop, crying. He immediately stopped the car and ran to you, he thought his heart had stopped beating the second he saw in what kind of state you were.

“Y/n, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He tried his best to speak in a calming tone but it was very difficult. Joshua didn’t know what was wrong. What happened. What he missed out on. He was mad at himself that he left you alone, no matter what the reason for your tears was.

Your eyes lightened up a bit when you recognized him beside you on the bench, looking down at his hands which were holding yours, thumbs rubbing soothingly over your cold skin.

“I’m such a bad mother! I forgot to prepare dinner for our kids! I have to go back and cook. They must be hungry and waiting!”

It wasn’t what Joshua was expecting to hear.

Especially because your two children were already living in other cities for work and university. He didn’t understand right away. Again, he thought you made a joke but when his eyes met your glossy ones and he tried to find the right words.

“Love, they aren’t with us anymore. You don’t have to prepare dinner for them.”

This was the wrong choice of words. You started to cry uncontrollably, worse than before. Because you thought they had passed away.

Later on he learned that he had to “play along”. That this would resolve almost every situation with people who were suffering with this syndrome.

The other time you just wanted to throw away the trash. It was just right outside the apartment complex so he thought it would be okay. The big bins were just beside the entrance, in a separate place only residents could enter since the gatekeeper was always around. You didn’t have to go that far, it was still the same building. But what was a task for 10 minutes maximum under normal circumstances became a horrible memory for Joshua and probably you too.

Because you got lost somewhere between leaving and closing the apartment door and the moment Joshua found you. In the hospital.

Until now, he didn’t know what exactly happened on that day. But you got hit by a car when you crossed the street at a red light he was told. Even after asking the gatekeeper, he couldn’t help you because after seeing you, he got a call and didn’t pay attention where you were going after exchanging greetings.

Joshua’s fingers slightly touched your knee, the scars from the accident still evident. He was mad at himself. He thought moving to this place would help you recover and made you happier. In some aspects it did. Living on the 23rd floor with a breathtaking view over the Hangang river and all the nice lights once it got dark outside was something you two had always dreamt of. Being able to take a walk at the park next to the building and having some slice of nature around was exactly what you two wanted in this huge city. Always joked about growing old and admiring the view together.

He never thought it would become like this.

He didn’t know why God had chosen you.

He used to believe that everything happened for a reason. That you would only get good things if you do good.

He was raised to believe in God.

But after everything, it was difficult.

He even caught himself hating God for making you suffer like this.

He just couldn’t help it.

“It’s cold.” Your words pulled Joshua back to reality and he quickly got up to get your favorite blanket. The fuzzy fabric that you fell in love with when you were at an amusement park together a month before you got married. You always took great care to everything and everyone around you so it was no surprise to him that the blanket still looked exactly like it did when he won it for you. Although it hasn’t gotten the same care anymore after you weren’t able to do chores by yourself again. Joshua asked you what your secret was in maintaining it but as much as he tried, he just wasn’t as talented as you.

He wrapped you in your blanket and made sure that you felt warm and cozy before walking over to the open kitchen area to prepare tea. Your favorite organic herbal infusion.

While he was waiting for the water to boil, is eyes traveled to the side and to the wall which was decorated by different photos. Every single one holding a deep meaning.

A selfie taken on a ferries wheel. The moment he confessed his feelings for you. He planned everything to the smallest detail and wanted it to be romantic. Throughout the evening you asked him several times why he was carrying a bigger backpack. The reason was a bouquet of red roses. That day he wasn’t fully himself because he was too nervous but it still worked out. He succeeded. Joshua smiled at the memory.

Beside that was a photo from your wedding. The beautiful dress that you wore was something he had never seen. He was speechless and had to swallow down the tears. He couldn’t believe that he was the lucky guy marrying this ethereal woman in front of him. In this photo your eyes were a little puffy and nose slightly red because you couldn’t help but to cry through half of the ceremony. He could still hear your whines when his best friend asked for a photo. The smile remained on Joshua’s lips while remembering the moment.

Then photos of your children. The first born, then your second 3 years later. Time really passed by too fast because now they weren’t living with you anymore. In fact, your first born would become a father himself in a couple of months.

Joshua looked over to you, the smile changing to a painful expression. He wasn’t sure if you would understand who it is when your son would come over with his baby.

Once the tea was ready, he put everything on a small tray with some fruits and walked back to you.

You were still at your favorite spot. At the table in the dining room which was right in front of a huge window, allowing you to have a beautiful view on the Hangang river and the Paldang bridge. Joshua would catch you smile from time to time, sometimes even getting an answer from you why you were smiling. When there wasn't a smile on your lips, your eyes would be watery as if you had remembered something sad. Every time he would ask you and often times he would be surprised what the cause was. The fact he would randomly learn new things about your past even after knowing you for over 40 years now was surprising to him. But the doctor once told him that those things could also be dreams or wishes that you would mix up with reality. Sadly it was common.

He helped you with the tea, blew over it and held the cup while you took a sip. Every time you would thank him but without saying his name. It was painful but he tried to hold his smile.

“They look like the flowers we have in our garden. They are so beautiful. My mother loves them. Me too.”

Joshua turned around to a painting on the wall. A painting of small flowers, little blue petals with white and yellow centers. Forget-me-nots.

You painted it after getting the diagnosis. At that time, it wasn’t this severe. You were still able to do everything by yourself although you stopped from time to time because you weren’t able to remember what you wanted or why you were doing something. But the both of you were scared of the future.

It wouldn’t just go away after some time like a flu. There was nothing you could do, no antidote. Just medication which would temporarily improve the symptoms, distracting you from the real process. You knew that one day it would become so bad that you may hurt him.

The reason you painted the flowers was because you wanted to break up with him. You wanted a divorce. Not because you stopped loving him, it was because you loved him. You hated to ask for help. You hated to bother people, especially him. People who meant the world to you. You wanted him to live his life without you as a burden because dementia meant you would need help until the very end.

You wanted to give him the painting as a gift, like a symbol of your time together. That you were thankful for everything and hoped he would keep all the good memories in his heart. You didn’t want him to hate you and you really hoped he would understand. If not now, then later. The divorce would give him the freedom he deserved. He shouldn’t see you miserably and take care of you when you can’t recognize him anymore.

That was the biggest fight you two had.

Joshua was more than hurt of the decision you had made alone. But he wasn’t the only one in pain and he saw it in the way you were shaking as you tried to explain everything. He knew that something was wrong with you some weeks prior to your fight where the bomb dropped. You didn’t eat normally, you denied his ideas for a night out, you didn’t smile as much as you used to. You just avoided his love and wanted to be alone more and more.

In the end he convinced you to stay. Joshua told you that he swore to care for you until his last breath. To be there for you in good but also in bad times. He would be understanding if the syndrome would mess with your brain or body again. It was his purpose to be there for you. He loved you. Just as much as you needed him, he needed you as well. Even if that meant to be in the situation he was in right now.

"You really sing so beautifully. You should become a singer!"

That's what you would say every day after he played the guitar or sang his favorite song for you. And his reply would be the same as well, every day.

"Believe me or not but I was a famous singer once.”

And you would always giggle and think that he made a joke. But it wasn’t.

Joshua was 2 years older than you but then again, healthy. Unlike you who was suffering from dementia.

He knew you didn't do it on purpose but it always hurt him so much, he had no word to describe the pain. Knowing you weren't able to remember all the happy moments you two went through made his heart ache. No matter how often he told you about your adventures, your experiences and life lessons, you would forget about it right after. But he still did it again and again. At least he had a lot to tell you about and somehow it was a way of not forgetting it himself. Some kind of therapy for himself. But often times he struggled because he couldn't remember it clearly and it was always a lonely feeling as you couldn't help or correct him.

Joshua checked the secure on the wheels of your wheelchair, making sure it wouldn’t move. He slowly got up to his feet to turn on the heater on the other side of the room. It was getting cold inside and the tea was gone already.

When he first heard about dementia, he thought it was losing memory only. But as he educated himself more and more, he learned that it could also mean the loss of mobility and the loss of speech.

Luckily the latter hasn’t happened yet and he prayed it would stay that way.

That was one of the reasons he believed in God again.

He felt selfish but he had nowhere to go. No place to let everything out.

When he prayed to God again, he felt bad and pathetic at first but it gave him the strength he needed.

He prayed that you wouldn’t be in too much pain.

He mentioned his gratitude for still being with you.

He was thankful for the chance to be a good husband to you.

Absentmindedly, his fingers found his cross necklace. You weren’t in a good state and of course everything could be better without dementia but being there for each other must be the life lesson here. Even without a marriage, being with the person you love and supporting each other was one of the most important things in life. He didn’t know how it would be, if the tables were switched between the two of you. Maybe that was why Joshua understood your idea of the divorce although he decided against it. If he would have to choose again, his decision would be the same.

He didn’t want a life without you.

After turning on the heater, he joined you again.

He was watching you smile with tears in your eyes.

He asked you what was wrong but you didn't react, instead your gaze was fixated on something outside the window. He wanted to help. He wanted to turn back time but he couldn't. His wish was impossible to become true.

Joshua reached forward, grabbing two clementines from the tray he had brought earlier and started peeling them for you. You two used to do it for the other when everything was still okay. Before the drastic change had started. Now you've never done it for him again but it would never stop him from doing it for you.

Carefully taking your hand and placing the peeled fruits in it, you made a surprised noise, giving him a soft smile.

"How do you know I like them? Say, what's your name?"

He tried to smile back. The same question he would hear every day.

Leaning forward, he gently rubbed your arm through the blanket. "My name is Joshua." ...and I'm your husband, he added in his thoughts.

You pulled out your arm from under the blanket and carefully touched his hair, letting the fingertips graze his cheeks until he grabbed your hand and kept your hand like this, leaning in your palm and closing his eyes for a second before placing your hand back down in your lap. You still wore his bracelet. The one he made for you with pastel colored beads.

Every day you would ask where you got it from but Joshua made sure to tell you about it every time he heard this question. At least you two would always have topics to talk about, he always told himself.

“You are so kind to me.”

Your soft voice made him look up to you and then he saw it in your eyes. He saw that deep down you haven't completely forgotten about him and that was all he needed. That was what kept him going, day after day. You were and will always be the love of his life after all.

And that would never change. Never.

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celesterunewhisper · 3 years ago

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Day 11 - Watch

Tik. Tik. Tik. The slow sounds of an unseen grandfather clock audibly marked the choking silence that engulfed the elaborate living room. On any other day, the room might have felt comforting, perhaps even welcoming; however, the tension that wove itself with that damn ticking almost made sitting in the room unbearable. In the center of the den, two large couches—red and gold in hue, as was the rest of the decor—were set facing each other with an elegant coffee table between them. Next to the couches, an oversized chair sat to meet the entire room, sitting there like a throne; the fireplace flickering behind the high-back chair only served to cast a menacing shadow over any who sat in it. Compared to the rest of the furniture, it was clear the chair was moved deliberately into the room for whatever purpose the mysterious gathering served. The rest of the decorations of artwork and statues were purely there to display the wealth of the Crimsonburn family. Sitting in the throne chair, a middle-aged Quel'dorei man gazed out at the crowd of three with his beady, contemplating blue eyes. His complexion was lined with not only age but experience in the thralls of stressful politics. He wore elaborate robes of red and maroon and had his white-blond hair slicked back for the occasion. Lord Norath Crimsonburn glanced to the two men on the couch to his left. The elder of the two—looking not too much older than Norath—had long straight black hair, partially braided to keep his bangs from his face sporting robes of violet and slate-gray. A younger man sported the same hues in attire and hair; however, he had his short and slicked back similar to the Lord of the house. “You have met my wife, Lady Larae Crimsonburn, Lord Velvetlight?” Norath then glanced to the woman on the opposite couch who was meek in appearance with short, curly red hair and gorgeous robes of crimson. He smirked when her matching blue eyes locked with his, only for her to look to the table with discomfort seconds later. It thrilled him to see her so obediently in her place. The raven-haired gentleman raised a dark brow at the Lord of the house. “Indeed. A fetching catch. However, it is your daughter, my son, and I wish to meet.”

“Her tardiness is unorthodox, I assure you. Perhaps, she is nervous about being among such distinguished companies.” Norath replied, his voice icy and uncomfortably calm. Lord Velvetlight simply sighed before reaching forward towards the coffee table. An array of refreshments rested upon the wooden surface, including snacks, tea, coffee, and wine. The guest Lord helped himself to a glass of the latter. A superb Dalarn red; year 450K.C, much before the wondrous city made its floating charge to Northrend. An expensive taste with the delicate bite of a lingering arcanic crisp. Not enough to quell Lord Velvetlight's patience, unfortunately. As if the swelling distaste was the perfect queue, a young elven woman was politely escorted into the room by a servant of the manor. Her short hair matched both the curliness of her mother's and the pale blonde hues of her father's, and just like her parents, the Crimsonburn colours painted her corsetted, victorian gown. The servant didn't stay long and left the young woman to linger awkwardly at the door; her blue eyes glanced to her father's with an apologetic expression. Norath smiled, yet no humour or kindness touched his eyes. “My daughter; Lady Celeste Crimsonburn. What a pleasure for you to have finally indulged us with your presence.” Celeste winced, immediately curtseying before Norath, with her head low, “My apologies, father,” she spoke carefully, turning her attention to the two guests in their home. “I thank you for your patience, my Lords.” Her politeness was useless at this point; she had already disappointed Norath to irreparable levels that night. But, she still had a role in maintaining, lest she made it worse for herself. “Take a seat, Celeste,” Norath instructed cooly. “You remember Lord Velvetlight, don't you?” Truthfully, Celeste did not. However, she forced herself to dig through her memories in an effort not to embarrass herself further. She took a shot in the dark. “You...were a guest speaker at Sunstrider University. You taught a lecture for my Introduction to Political Theory class.” As she spoke, attempting to sound confident in her answer, she sat beside her silent mother. “Ah, so you do remember. Excellent.” Lord Velvetlight looked pleased. “I also met you in your adolescent years, but I do not expect you to remember something eighty years ago.” There was a momentary pause as the Lord took a sip of his wine. “I would like to introduce to you my son, Lord Zan Velvetlight. A proud Magister of Quel'thalas and Scryer under the ranks of Astalor Bloodsworn's trusted Arcanists.” Zan stood to his feet to bow towards Celeste, “A pleasure, my Lady.” Instinctively, Celeste held her hand towards the expecting man, to which he took and placed a gentlemanly kiss upon it. She was used to such gestures with her family's position in the noble hierarchy; however, she could never bring herself to enjoy that flavour of attention. It took everything in her power not to grimace as Zan retook his seat. “The pleasure is mine, Lord Zan.” “Celeste, why don't you elaborate for Lord Velvetlight more about your education,” Norath commented in a thinly veiled order. “Yes, indeed,” Lord Velvetlight began, “I am very interested in hearing more about the daughter Lord Crimsonburn has been raving about.” Celeste rose a brow at the strangeness of the conversation, and she couldn't help but glance at her mother for answers. However, when Larae met her daughter's gaze, her bright eyes glazed over with sadness. For some reason, the woman could not bring herself to speak out of turn and left her daughter to the thralls of confusion. “Right,” Celeste breathed, now looking to Lord Velvetlight—vividly aware of her father's icy gaze boring down on her while she spoke. “I have been studying the economics of the country primarily. Provincial stabilization, governance, representation through the monarchy, and the delicate balance of power and influence.” She took a deep breath, “I hope to follow in my father's footsteps of becoming a member of King Sunstrider's advocates.” This, of course, was an utter lie. “Ah, such high expectations. So much in common with my son.” Lord Velvetlight hummed with satisfaction. Zan spoke to provide context to his father's statement. “I hope to enlist within the Kirin Tor eventually. Put more experience under my belt to either rise further with the Magisters of Quel'thalas or, perhaps, a cozy seat on the council of the Magus Senate.” Arrogance coated his tongue as he spoke a matter of factly. Celeste forced an interested smile to her face and spoke with perfunctory attentiveness. “How do you not burn yourself out from such strenuous tasks?” Zan's ego predictably inflated as he smirked with bottomless pride towards Celeste. “Because I am superior. Other low-lives let opportunities pass them by, while intellectual men must rise to guide this wayward Kingdom. I intend to learn all I can to do so.” Celeste felt her blood run cold as her smile faltered. “Ah—your...father is right about...sharing high ambitions, then. I suppose.” Another lie. She wanted nothing more than to leave both the conversation and company. Norath spoke up once more, “It is as I said, Lord Velvetlight. It would be a flawless arrangement that will benefit both sides of the political spectrum. We must act upon the traditions of the monarchy's system before the ambitious Prince threatens to change the whole thing. What with that Theron whispering in his ear.” “Father, what are you talking about—” Celeste began. “You will speak when you are spoken to.” Norath snapped. Then turning back to Lord Velvetlight, he continued as if the outburst never happened. “What say you?” “Zan?” Lord Velvetlight glanced to his son, asking a vague question Celeste still did not understand the context of. The younger lord gave Celeste a once-over before smirking. “I find it both an excellent strategy and a rather lovely match. I agree to Lord Crimsonburn's proposition if you are inclined to act upon it, father.” Lord Velvetlight smiled. “Then our deal has been settled. The ceremony will be scheduled for the end of the month as planned.” “Perfect.” Norath grinned. “I have already arranged for their housing, as well. A gift for the new family, hm?” Lord Velvetlight chuckled, “So generous, my Lord.” Zan bowed his head, “I generously accept, Lord Crimsonburn.” Norath stood to his feet, and the other two lords followed suit. “A rather short meeting, but I understand you and your son are rather busy this evening.” “It has been a pleasure, Lord Crimsonburn. Till the ceremony, then.” And soon, Celeste was alone in the den with her father. Her mother couldn't bear to be in the room any longer, and she still didn't understand why. Norath gestured his hand silently towards Celeste, allowing her to speak freely. “What was that all about, father?” “We plan on uniting our causes together, Lord Velvetlight and I. The details are none of your concern, but we came up with an ideal way to permanently seal our partnership. A bargaining chip, if you must.” Norath responded as if Celeste's question was foolish. “What was the bargaining chip?” she asked hesitantly. “You, my dear,” Norath said. “You are.” The silence was almost deafening if it wasn't for that rhythmic ticking. “I beg your pardon?” Her voice was almost inaudible. Norath sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Ignorant girl. You are to wed Lord Zan. What did you think I meant when I said 'ceremony'?” His blue eyes narrowed at his daughter. Celeste's jaw nearly dropped to the floor; however, she closed it quickly before her father sneered. “Wait,” she breathed, “I just met him. I don't even know him!” “Frankly, my dear, I couldn't care less if you loved him or hated him. This is out of your control.” “You can't make me marry a stranger!” she shouted, standing to her feet. Norath was swifter than Celeste anticipated, and as he stood to his feet as well, the back of his ringed hand made contact with his daughter's cheek with an audible slap. Her face jerked to the side from the force, and her hands immediately went to cup the welt with a shaking whimper. “I can.” Norath towered over his trembling daughter. “Just watch.”

@daily-writing-challenge @howlingowl-wra

#celeste runewhisper #before sin'dorei AND ren'dorei transformation #arranged marriage time #the past

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ellewords · 4 years ago

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you know those posts of people saying to send a wedding invitation to celebrities because sometimes they’ll send gifts congratulating the couple? and you know how sometimes the celebrity will actually show up? this is my head cannon of who would end up showing up just because.

(little bit of a warning: these are very half-baked and mostly just stream of consciousness because my brain is fried and i’m in need of a distraction from writing essays, but the thought hasn’t left my head, so now you have to deal with my brainrot, mwahahaha!)

i think oikawa would show up to a bunch of weddings for he people he doesn’t know. it starts in argentina when a fan sends him an invite, and he’s stupid happy about it and no one really knows why. he just really enjoys weddings, they suppose. it’s in the area, too, so he buys a gift for the happy couple and he shows up. he genuinely tries to be really low key because he doesn’t want to ruin their big day, so he stays in the back for the ceremony and he is the perfect wedding-goer. at the ceremony, though, he has a much harder time remaining out of the spotlight. when the bride and groom notice that there’s a tiny bit of a commotion happening, they lose their minds when they realize that it’s because oikawa actually showed up!!! they thought he was kidding when he accepted the invite, or maybe that he’d send an assistant or something!!! but nope, there he is, looking both enthused at being the center of attention but also kind of uncomfortable. when the couple lose their minds in front of him, though, being utter fanatics and hyping him up, he eases up and finally begins to have fun, dancing on the dance floor with different people, drinking responsibly, talking to people, bashfully signing autographs. he doesn’t lose steam for even a second, and when the party seems to lull just a little bit too long, he goes out of his way to make sure everyone gets back to enjoying themselves to the fullest (which the bride and groom appreciate). nearly everyone in attendance gets his attention for a short portion of time, and if they don’t, he tries to snag a picture with everyone on the way out. at the very end of the night, he records a short video for the couple telling them how lovely they are, thanking them for the invite and the great time, and wishing them the absolute best. it’s the highlight of their lives, besides, y’know, the whole getting married thing.

it’s gets out that oikawa actually went to a wedding he was invited to by strangers when someone posts a picture of the wedding online and he was spotted in the background, so now he gets invites all the time. he doesn’t go to all of them because he’s busy and some of the places he gets invites from are across the world, but if the location intrigues him and he has the time, he’ll usually be there.

kageyama would definitely go, too! but it would be mostly because he can’t remember for the life of him if he knows the couple, and it stresses him the hell out. he’s definitely gotten a lot more confident since he was in school, but at the root of him is still an awkward kid who questions everything about himself if it’s not volleyball. so he panics about it for weeks before the wedding, wondering what they’ll want as a gift, accidentally tricking himself into believing that he does in fact know the couple and buying a gift that he assumes they’ll like based off of thinking it’s one of his old classmates from school and buying something that they’d like. and when he doesn’t recognize either of them at the ceremony, he gets so distracted trying to place anyone’s face as someone he knows and he just can’t for the life of him figure it out. he’s half a beat behind everyone when they start cheering for the couple as the kiss and leave because he’s so deep in thought. it isn’t until the reception that he finds out that he doesn’t actually know anyone and he gets so pouty about having stressed over it for so long that he broods in a corner, trying to avoid everyone. he doesn’t start to enjoy himself until someone recognizes him and rambles for nearly ten minutes about how amazing he is and about this one play that he did that they practiced for weeks after seeing it but they still couldn’t nail and that he was their inspiration. imagine everyone’s surprise when they find them in the hallway of the reception hall with a volleyball kageyama had in his car, kageyama teaching the person how he did it. a small game breaks out in the obnoxiously big hallway with a scrappy set up of chairs precariously piled on top of each other until they were high enough and a bunch of coat jackets tied together along the top and bottom of where a net would be so they can see through. the noise is just barely softer than the music, but they gather a bit of a crowd until the game is over, and as much as kageyama enjoyed it, he apologizes to the bride and groom afterwards for feeling like he took away their spotlight. they laugh and say they don’t mind as long as the groom can play the next match.

a picture of kageyama smiling and cheering as his impromptu teammate makes a good play goes viral days later and kageyama does everything in his power to get the pictures taken at the wedding so he has the memories of that night forever. he even sends an awkward thank you card to the couple after.

ushijima accepts an invite, too; mostly because he feels it would be rude not to accept when they spent the time and money going out of their way to send him one. he spends a lot of money getting them a gift, and he cleans up super nicely, and he’s almost distracting for the entire ceremony. the quiet mysterious type suits him well, and everyone notices as he stays in the back, politely applauding when necessary and offering tissue to anyone crying and helping when it’s needed. at the reception, he mostly stays in his seat, but he stops to have conversations with anyone that comes by. most of them are very to the point, and don’t get longer than a few minutes because ushijima doesn’t beat around the bush much, but as off-putting as it sounds, everyone absolutely adores him. some people are trying to size him up, but he’s just too straightforward about how they are perfectly good on their own without having to compare themselves that they wander off shocked that he was so... nice? no, he is, but that’s not quite it... honest? about it all that they feel validated and off-kilter by the time they walk away. others come over to ask him to dance, which he politely accepts and he’s just so earnest in his attempt that they can’t even be upset that he’s a little stiff and bumbling. if anything, they fall for his charm even more. as he leaves, everyone insists that he take a few plates to-go and that if he ever needed anything, all he had to do was ask. he was very confused by this proclamation as he didn’t know anyone well enough. in his bag of to-go boxes, however, he finds a ton of business cards and stuff that he stores away just in case he does need any of their services.

at his next interview, he gets asked about the entire experience, and as always, he’s super honest: “i had a wonderful time. everyone was very kind. that being said, i felt as if i was intruding on a very personal moment meant to be shared by those you hold dearest, so as much as i appreciate the sentiment, i do not plan to attend anymore weddings if i don’t know someone involved. it should be their big day, after all, and i would hate to distract from it.” if he gets anymore invites, he politely declines and instead sends them a gift and his congratulations.

i’ve been gone for a few days because of school, but i’ve been itching to send something in ever since i saw the wedding prompt. plus, all of the hc coming in from it have been so good! you have so many talented followers, and your additions are great as always, elle!

anyway, i have to get back to school. hope school is going well for you, elle! and make sure you’re taking care of yourself! -🌙

— from elle ! wait, hold on i love this >_< but hello moon anon !! i hope all those essays are working out well for you and i hope you’re able to take breaks in between :) anyways, this definitely made me love and i like that it’s true to the characters (esp. kags). my quick lil scenarios (under the cut as usual) is kind of an amalgamation of what you sent in because i'm just thinking of what would happen if the couple took a shot in the dark and invited all three of them. and they all attend :>> thank you for this and i hope you are having a wonderful day ! <3

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

“yohoo, tobio-chan!” kageyama heard, a figure sliding into the empty seat next to him. the voice is airy, familiar, one that he had heard several times in the past. the ceremony was due to start in five minutes, everyone from the guests to the wedding party already taking their respective place.

he narrows his eyes towards the figure, recognising the man just after a couple of quick beats, “oikawa-san?”

“ah! i'm glad you could still recognise me.” oikawa grinned, squinting his eyes at the vast amounts of sunlight that entered through the windows, “too bright in here, isn’t it?”

“what are you doing back in japan?” he asked, eyes growing wide as he’s unsure if the sight in front of him was actually real.

“visiting family, taking a little vacation.” oikawa replied, leaning back in his seat, “so how do you know the happy couple?”

“i...i'm not sure.” kageyama admitted, looking down at his lap in embarrassment.

“can you keep a secret tobio?” oikawa leaned in to whisper, waiting for him to nod before continuing, “i don’t think i know them either.”

it was about halfway through the ceremony and oikawa was getting just a little bit restless; he loved weddings, truly, but this one was dragging on much longer than the ones he previously attended. his gaze was lingering everywhere — from the loved-up gazes of the couple, the flowers that lined the aisles, to the guests who hung onto every word of the vows. one of the guests in particular was more familiar than most.

“pst, tobio.” he spoke, nudging kageyama’s shoulder, “doesn’t that guy look familiar?”

he tilted his head towards the man who sat at the very back row, trying his best to keep a relatively low profile. kageyama followed with his eyes, attempting to be as discreet as he could. he recognised the man immediately, “that’s ushijima-san!”

maybe kageyama had exclaimed a little too loudly, earning himself a few shhhhs from the people who sat around him. he bows his head slightly as an apology while oikawa bites his lip to hold in his laughter.

the three of them were able to meet up during the reception, opting to sit at the same table — the one farthest away from everyone as to not draw any attention to themselves. well, oikawa insisted that they did and kageyama and ushijima didn’t really know anyone else to be comfortable enough to sit with them.

“what did you both get the bride and groom?” oikawa asked as an attempt to make conversation, taking a sip from the glass in front of them.

ushijima was one to spare no expense when it came to gifts, but he wasn’t one to brag about the cost of it either, “just a simple tea set. nothing much.”

what he failed to mention was that simple tea set cost several thousands of yen. but of course, oikawa took it as a bit of an opportunity to one-up ushijima and brags about his gifts. yes, gifts. plural.

ushijima was in the bathroom and oikawa had gotten the attention of a couple of bridesmaids — flirting with him while he tried his best to subtly deflect their advances — leaving kageyama all alone at the table.

he felt a hand tap on his shoulder, soft and hesitant, “kageyama tobio?”

“yes?” kageyama asked, turning to face the source of the voice. he’s met with a teenage boy, possibly not older than sixteen, looking at him with complete nervousness in his eyes.

“i'm sorry to bother you. but i've just been such a huge fan of yours for the longest time and i wasn’t even sure if i should approach you but i really needed to let you know how much you have inspired me and i still have so much to learn but...uh, yeah.” the boy finished, looking at everything but kageyama at that point.

and a light flush colors kageyama’s cheeks, completely flustered. it was the first time anyone had approached him like that before, and he’s unsure how exactly to take the compliments. but he noticed the way the fan’s hands trembled, and he recalls all the times he’s approached the players he was a fan of when he was his age. “is there anything you need help with?”

needless to say, oikawa and ushijima were surprised when they found their table completely devoid of kageyama’s presence; only to find him in the incredibly large hallways with a makeshift volleyball court with chairs haphazardly stacked on top one another.

“where did you get that?” ushijima asked, pointing towards the volleyball that kageyama held in his hands.

“my car.” he replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“well then,” oikawa smirked, eyes lighting up as he looked around the halls, especially at the gathering crowd, “how about a friendly little match?”

kageyama and the fan he was meant to be teaching stood on one side of the makeshift court while oikawa and ushijima stood opposite them, getting into position. most of the guests had their phones out, recording everything and posting it on social media.

“at least i will finally know what it’s like to finally play with you in a team instead of against you.” ushijima commented, briefly glancing at his teammate for the night.

oikawa choked on air, taking a few seconds to compose himself before responding, “should have come to shiratorizawa, huh?”

it was barely even noticeable, barely lasted a few seconds, but ushijima cracked a smile.

the night ends with the newlyweds approaching the three of them, expressing their gratefulness for their invitations but also apologising for stealing their thunder on their wedding, going so far as to offering to pay for their honeymoon.

“as tempting as that may be,” the bride smiled, “it really is no problem. we’re surprised that you even attended in the first place.

the groom nodded in agreement, “we had a lot of fun watching you play tonight, so we feel like we should be thanking you more. you didn’t have to bring gifts too.”

oikawa waved a hand as if to say it’s nothing, while kageyama and ushijima offer tickets to their next match in exchange for photos from the wedding — particularly that of their little volleyball match.

the three of them finally make their way out into the night and into their respective cars, but not before oikawa lets out one more question.

“the three of us should hang out more,” oikawa smiled, not a trace of teasing or malice in his tone, just a genuine offer, “at least once before i get back to argentina.”

years ago, none of them would even consider such a thing, but all three liked to think that they moved past such trivial things.

kageyama gave him a small smile, “alright.”

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

a question: what would the hq characters be like at a wedding? | written on the margins masterlist

taglist : @haikyuutothetop @crystal-lilac @tobioespresso @sushijimawakatoshi @itsmeaudrieee @pantherhappy @jesssobs @mysticstrawberryballoon @cloudedsky_29 @sakusasimpbot

join my hq taglist here. <3

#didn’t think i’d be thinking about timeskip!oikawa-kageyama-ushijima dynamics tonight #but here i am and i loved writing these lil scenarios #written on the margins 🔖#oikawa headcanons #kageyama headcanons #ushijima headcanons #oikawa scenarios #kageyama scenarios #ushijima scenarios #🎐 — 🌙anon! <3

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moosekateer13 · 3 years ago

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Chapter 8 Coming Apart:

1 week later…

The visit went great. Odette is ecstatic that she now has a sister to share things with. Tom and Shep have taken well to her. I love our blended family. Everything else has progressively been getting worse. It’s not just harsh comments now. There have been lies spread all over the internet about me sleeping my way through the industry. Many restless nights with a lot of tears shed over the latest events.

I am glad to have Jared by my side; he's been my rock through all of this.

Luckily, all the bosses I've had have disputed those claims. There has been hate mail being sent to our house too. I recognize the way the letters are written. More like the tone, to be precise. They aren’t handwritten. I know it's my cousin. I recognized it right away. I haven't told Jared yet I am still collecting evidence on that matter.

Matthias loves to be the center of attention in our family. He's a typical rich asshole. I come from a middle-class family, and he's always looked down on me because of it. He knows about the rumours being spread.

We've hired a private eye to get to the bottom of where those rumours are coming from.

Jensen, Danneel, Gen, Misha, Mark, Clif and even Kripke have posted messages telling whoever is doing this to stop, and are defending my character as well.

Lou, on the other hand, has been using every German insult she can think of in response to the haters/troublemakers. Her latest comments are Einzeller (single-cell organism), Gehirnverweigerer (brain denier) and Evolutionsbremse (evolutionary brake). Jared’s seen a few of her comments and loves the ones she used.

It's hard to be excited about the wedding with all this hate swirling around. My parents visited last week. They've met their granddaughter already. They absolutely adore her. I am so glad they aren't on social media and don't see the hate that's been going on.

Gwyneth and Robin and finally coming to live in Texas. I've missed them. They've been living in Y/C/N and we haven't seen each other since I moved out here. They've been eager to meet Jewel.

I hear a knock on the door, and I know it's them. They never liked to ring doorbells for some reason. I quickly go down to open the door. They are dressed oddly today. Their blonde hair has one small braid in it and is wearing head-to-toe black. They looked like they just walked out of a rock concert.

"What the hell are you two wearing? Was there a rock concert in town I didn't know about?" I asked.

"Robin, I told you we'd stick out like a sore thumb. This isn't New York,” Gywn said.

Robin just shakes her head and smiles.

"Y/N has been having a rough time. I thought I'd do something to make her laugh,” Robin replied with a smirk.

"Well, you did. Thanks, Robin, I needed that. Things have been stressful. Come on upstairs to meet Jewel,” I said.

Gwyn and Robin smile at the sight of her sleeping in her crib.

"She is beautiful, adorable, and she looks so much like Jared,” Gwyn and Robin said in unison.

As if on cue, Jewel wakes up. Gywn picks her up. After having safely in her arms, she takes a seat on the sofa. She rarely likes new people, but she seems so peaceful in her arms.

"Looks like Jewel likes her aunt. She rarely likes new people. Both of you are her aunts, by the way. As Bobby Singer said, the family doesn't end with blood,” I said.

They both smile in response. After Jewel goes back to sleep, we head down to the dining room to eat lunch. I've been craving lasagna, so that's what we are having today. It feels good to finally have some peace after all that drama lately.

Chapter 9:

#paradise (what about us)#jared padalecki x reader #tell me a story bingo #winchesters and beyond bingo #supernatural fanfiction #moosekateer13 #smut #angst #fluff #unplanned pregnancy #bullying #harrassment

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songtoyou · 4 years ago

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Epiphany - Part One

Paring: Luke Crain x Female Reader

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2,204

Warnings: Talks of drug use and recovery, mention death of a family member.

Description: Life has never been easy for Luke Crain. After the death of Nell, Luke realizes that he needs to make some changes. He decided to stay in Massachusetts and attend rehab. He was determined to remain on his path of sobriety. When you get assigned to be Luke’s sponsor, it opens a new door of possibilities that neither you nor Luke expected.

A/N: I finally watched the Haunting of Hill House a while back. I found Luke to be very interesting. This is my take on how Luke would go on with life after Nell’s death and how his continued path to remain sober would look like.

I do not permit my work to be posted on any other site without my permission.

Updated: Cleaned up for grammar and punctuation errors.

An epiphany is when a sudden and intuitive perception of insight into reality. It can provide a great moment of revelation and present itself as symbolic insight. Some people experience it while others often search for it.

Life was not easy for Luke Crain or his siblings. After the recent events of Hill House, Luke was scared of a life without his twin sister, Nell. Despite Luke being ninety seconds older, he always felt that Nell was his big sister. She was his protector. The only person to believe in him when others constantly sowed doubt. Unfortunately, Hill House ended up taking Nell in the end, along with his father Hugh. Luke was scared. More scared than he had ever been now that Nell was gone.

However, Luke was determined to get clean. To remain clean. He had to do it, not only for Nell but for himself. Both Steve and Theo pitched in to help pay for a good rehab center for Luke to stay. At first, Luke told them, no, but it was Theo who adamantly expressed her desire to support him.

“Luke, you have made it to 90-days. I can tell you want to remain clean. We all see it. Nell still believes in you and so do we. I want to be supportive of you because you’re my little brother and I love you,” said Theo.

With the support and help of his siblings, Luke decided to stay in Massachusetts for treatment. He took up residence with Shirley in the guest house since Theo decided to move out to live on her own. Despite her worries, Shirley believed in her little brother and his determination to remain clean. One could say it was her way to make amends for the guilt she held by not allowing Luke to attend Nell’s wedding.

It was actually Shirley’s husband Kevin, who recommended Banyan Treatment Center in Wilmington, Massachusetts. “One of my sisters went there for her alcohol addiction. She responded well to the program and has continued to stay sober for two-years. Banyan has a good family counseling program, along with outpatient therapy. Pretty much will have everything you need to continue your path for sobriety,” said Kevin one night after dinner.

It did not take long for Steve and Theo to be on board with Luke deciding on Banyan. Both liked what they read of the place. The treatment center was not uber fancy, like the one Shirley paid for all those years ago but also was a tad upscale compared to the rehab center in Los Angeles Luke recently attended.

The therapists and case managers at Banyan were nice and friendly. Rob, Luke’s primary therapist, helped ease him into a routine. Even though Luke was now over 90 days sober, Rob recommended intensive outpatient therapy every day for an hour session. Luke admitted to Rob, along with his siblings, that he was worried about relapsing due to Nell and Hugh’s deaths. He did not want to fall back into old and dangerous habits.

For 30 days, Luke was committed to his intensive outpatient therapy. Talking over his childhood trauma at Hill House and the recent events helped, not only explain his phobias but also tackle his post-traumatic stress. Hill House had a long-lasting effect that damaged his entire family. So much so, that all he wanted to be was numb. To not have to deal with the images in his mind or how the loss of his mother disturbed him.

When Luke “graduated” from intensive outpatient therapy to regular outpatient therapy, Rob recommended a sponsor for him. The Center’s alumni recovery program allowed for past patients who have succeeded in their program to help mentor those currently in the early stages of detox, treatment, and recovery. Having a strong and influential network of sober peers can make all of the difference between an addict relapsing or staying strong through hard times.

That is how you came into Luke Crain’s life. Rob recommended you to Luke as a sponsor. You had just celebrated your third anniversary of recovery. It was not that you had a bad childhood as the reason you turned to drugs. You were not abused, both of your parents were still alive, nor had you experienced any other forms of childhood trauma. Similar to Luke, heroin was your choice of escapism; the way to ease the feeling of pain and suffering. Not your own, but other peoples’.

That was the downside of being an empath.

Of course, no one believed you about being an empath. Your mother had always referred to you as an overly sensitive child and that stress was not something you handled very well. When having to deal with the ability to sense what people are feeling, whether the emotions are happy, sad, scared, stressed, disturbed, or angry, can be a lot for a person to handle. There came a time when taking on the pain of others became too much. You no longer wanted that burden. You no longer wanted to feel anything.

It did not matter how many rehab facilities your parents sent you to or how many times they pleaded; you did not care. For once, you put yourself first. Heroin helped you stop feeling. Helped you feel numb and content. You were happy. Of course, when the high wore off, as it always does, you were back to reality. You hated reality.

The last hit you had made you end up in the hospital. The doctor explained how you overdosed but were able to resuscitate you in time. That was when you finally realized you needed to change. Needed to get clean once and for all. You knew it would take time and patience. That you would not magically become clean and sober overnight. It was a process. Setbacks were a possibility. However, there was always a little voice in the back of your head that helped pull you through the dark times, to motivate you to keep going.

Now here you were about to meet the new mentee that Rob assigned you to. He only gave a little backstory about Luke, but not many other details. You ended up texting Luke asking him to meet you on Sunday at your favorite coffee shop, the As Good As It Gets Café. He promptly replied that he would see you there around noon.

When Sunday finally rolled around, you headed to the café and waited. It was a quarter past twelve and Luke still had not shown up. You were starting to get nervous and wondering if he would ever appear. You were on the verge of texting him when the bell on the entry door chimed, indicating that someone was entering the café. You looked up and saw a very tall, scruffy, and attractive looking man standing by the door. The way he was looking around with a lost kind of look helped pinpoint that this was Luke. You got up from your booth and walked over to him.

“Luke?” you politely asked.

“Yes,” he said.

You introduced yourself and held your hand out for him to shake, which he took. You immediately became overwhelmed with the emotions that permeated this man. There was a lot of pain and loss underneath. But there was also a sense of hope and happiness that felt nice.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked wondering why all of a sudden you had a weird look on your face.

“Hmm? I’m sorry. I’m fine. I didn’t mean to…daze off for a second,” you laughed and pointed over to the booth you previously occupied. You walked over with Luke following.

“I’m sorry that I’m late. I was finishing up some homework and didn’t track the time properly,” Luke shared.

“Oh, where do you go to school?”

“Uh…I take a creative writing course at Bunker Hill Community College,” he replied.

“Nice. How are you liking it so far?” you asked him.

Before Luke could respond, one of the waitresses came over asking if Luke wanted anything to drink. Indicating that he just wanted coffee, the two of you were soon left alone.

“I like it. The instructor is really nice. It is the only course I am taking, so it doesn’t take up too much of my time. My older brother, Steve, actually encouraged me to enroll after I shared some of my writing with him. He’s a writer himself. I don’t know if you ever heard of him, Steven Crain? He has written a lot of books, mostly ghost stories. His most famous one is, ‘The Haunting of Hill House’. Have you read that book?”

“I have not. I tend to stay away from horror genres,” you told Luke.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you. Luke was adverting his gaze to anywhere but you. It was easy to tell that he was nervous and unsure of himself.

“Luke,” you spoke up to get his attention and said, “You don’t have to be anxious or feel uneasy. Getting here, to this step, is a big freaking deal. I get it, trust me. I absolutely get it. I never thought I’d be here. To be completely frank, I always pictured myself dead somewhere in the streets. I’m sure you pictured the same for yourself. But it didn’t. You’re here today because you wanted more for yourself. That is something to be proud of.”

Letting out a sigh, Luke sat back in the booth and crossed his arms over his chest. Sometimes he did not feel proud. He missed Nell. He missed her all of the time. She always believed in him no matter how many times he broke her heart. Nell always forgave him. She was always there when he needed someone to bail him out of trouble.

“You okay, Luke? If you would rather do this another time, that is okay. We can reschedule,” you offered. You could sense a feeling of grief underneath the surface of the man sitting before you.

“No. No, I’m sorry. I…uh…I was thinking about Nellie. My twin sister. She…she died recently. Well, not recent, two months ago. So, it’s still…very…it’s still a lot to handle.”

“I’m sorry,” you told him earnestly. “What was it like having a twin? I don’t have any siblings, so I always like to hear other people’s sibling stories.”

“Having siblings has its pros and cons,” Luke laughed, but continued, “They can be much at times, but I’m glad to have them. Especially now that Nellie is gone. They have been incredibly supportive, which makes all the difference in the world.”

“I really appreciate you sharing this with me, Luke. I know it can’t be easy. I am a stranger after all. You’re actually my second mentee from the alumni recovery program. My previous one …well her story didn’t have a happy ending,” you shared with Luke.

He could relate. When he left the clinic in Los Angeles to find Joey and bring her back to get her clean again. She was nine-months clean at the time but ended up using while being back on the streets. Luke would be lying to himself if he did not say he was rather disappointed in Joey. To him, Joey was someone who he could look up to while trying to get clean. He should have known something was off with her during what would be their last night at the clinic. Joey reminded him of Nell, so he could not stand by and do nothing. Joey helped him during his first week at the clinic. So, Luke felt that he owed it to her to return the favor.

Unfortunately, Joey did not want his help in the end. To this day, Luke still does not know what really happened to her after she swiped the drugs off him and headed towards that alley. But deep inside, Luke knew she did not make it. That her body would either be discovered or continue to rot in that alley. Theo would tell him that Joey was not his responsibility. That he had to put himself first when it came to recovery.

Luke pushed his coffee cup to the side and leaned on the table. You were so focused on your own coffee cup that you did not notice him staring at you intently. He was taking you in and assessing you. So far, he could admit that he found you attractive. You had a nice built. Your clothing was not too flashy. He could tell that you were the type to choose comfortable clothing over fashionable attire. However, it was your eyes that stood out. There was a softness and warmness to them that he found quite soothing. There were no ulterior motives behind them or any sense of malice. Luke could see that your intentions with him were good and that you really wanted to help him in his recovery by being a supportive mentor.

“Hey,” he said to get your attention. “I promised that I’ll come to talk to you if I ever feel like I might…. Or if I just feel like I need someone to talk to.”

“I appreciate that, Luke,” you told him sincerely.

#luke crain #luke crain x female reader #luke crain x reader #the haunting of hill house #oliver jackson cohen

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atlafan · 5 years ago

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Let Me Love on You

a/n: based off this ask. Lots of fluff, and some smut.

You were five months pregnant with Harry’s baby. He was so happy when you first told him the news. It was unexpected, and an accident. Something about the antibiotics you had taken cancelling out your birth control. You had and Harry had been together nearly three years, so it wasn’t the end of the world. He was over joyed actually.

Your bump was just starting to show, you were in that awkward place where it looked like you had just gained some weight, and didn’t really look pregnant. Your first trimester was miserable. Between the morning sickness and the hormonal outbreaks, it was a wonder Harry still loved you. Even if he sneezed loudly, you’d yell at him for giving you a headache. He would just look at you with those big green eyes, and you would cry for feeling bad.

The second trimester was going much better. However, you hated the way your body was changing. You had to pee all the time, and even though you didn’t mind your growing belly, you hated seeing new stretches pop up on your hips and thighs.

“They’re really quite sexy, you know?”

Harry would try to comfort you while you rubbed cocoa butter all over your body in hopes of getting them to go away, and preventing new ones from coming. It was inevitable though. You blamed the media for making you think pregnant tummies were cute.

Harry continued to be amazing with you. Foot rubs, back massages, and all the love he could possibly give you. He loved being babied by you, he was essentially your first child. But he knew he needed to step up and take care of you more. You both were trying to keep the pregnancy under wraps from the media, so you began working from home. He loved having you in the house more. He’s make you lunch every day he was home. It was a nice separate togetherness.

He dove right into everything baby. You’d stay up late talking about baby names, and agreed that you both wanted to wait until the baby was born to see what its sex would be. He read every baby book he could get his hands on. You both had a conversation about getting engaged after the baby was born. Harry didn’t want to add the stress of planning a wedding to the stress there already was of having a baby, but he wanted to assure you an engagement and a marriage was coming.

“It’s only two weeks, Harry, I’ll be alright.”

He hated leaving for work. He wanted to be by your side every second.

“I’m going to need you more once baby comes, so please, work now so you can be home with me later.”

“I’ll call ya every day. What if ya need somethin’?”

“Babe, I’ll be just fine.” You give him a reassuring smile and a kiss as he leaves for London for two weeks.

Since your bump was becoming more prominent, you decided not to travel with him anymore. You didn’t want to risk the paps bothering you.

You didn’t mind being in your shared home more. You actually loved being able to be in it more since you weren’t working. It was private and had a large backyard. Every time Harry left for a work thing, you would spend time in your gardens and greenery, taking care of your plants and flowers.

Harry wanted to do something nice for you for when he got back. He took an earlier flight home at the end of the two weeks to surprise you. He had something special made for the baby, picked up a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and a box of your favorite chocolates.

“Love?! I’m home!” He yelled, entering the house.

You were just getting out of the shower, hoping to look nice for him when you thought he’d be returning later in the evening. You brushed out your wet hair, and wrapped your towel around you.

“I’m in the bedroom!” You yelled back. “What’s all this?” You giggle, looking at all of the things in his arms, and giving him a kiss on the lips.

“Sit down, love, got ya some things. Got some things for baby too.” You sit on the edge of the bed as he stands in front of you. He looked so handsome in his salmon pink suit. He hands you the flowers first.

“Oh, Harry they’re beautiful.” You smell them and set them to your side. “I have a vase downstairs those will look perfect in.” Next he hands you the chocolates. You try to keep yourself from frowning. You didn’t want to gain any unnecessary weight, but you knew he meant well. “You better eat these with me.” He hands you a bag with some tissue paper in it, and gives your belly a little pat.

“For baby.” He says.

Inside the bag was a handmade blanket. Your eyes well up with tears as you look up at him.

“You loved your baby blankets so much as a kid, tried to have one made like yours.”

“It’s beautiful.” You snuggle it to your face, then set it down. You pull a onesie out that has TPWK on it. “I love this.”

“Figured we should teach baby early on.”

“I agree, thank you for all of this.”

“Got somethin’ else for ya, I was window shoppin’ and just had to get it for ya. Close your eyes for me.” You do as he says.

You really didn’t like when Harry spent a lot of money on you. Window shopping always meant jewelry. You wondered if he had gotten you a new charm for your bracelet, or maybe the earrings you almost bought last time you were in London.

Harry takes a small, velvet box out of his jacket pocket, and gets down on one knee. He had the ring made months ago, and knew he’d be able to get it on his trip. He knew your style, and had no doubt you’d say yes. He just didn’t want you to be annoyed since you both agreed you’d wait. But he couldn’t wait anymore.

“Alright darlin’ girl, open your eyes.” You gasp, and tears stream down your cheeks. “I know we said we’d wait until after baby came, but I love you so much. I don’t care if we have a long engagement, I don’t care if baby is a year old by the time we get married, I just want this ring on ya finger. I want everyone around us to know how much we love each other, and that we’re serious about our future together. As if the baby wasn’t proof enough of that. Will you marry me, Y/N, and make me even happier than you already do?” You’re speechless. You nod your head yes and stick your shaky left hand out to him, and he slips the ring on. You tug at his jacket and wrap your arms around each other.

“I love you so much, Harry. I can’t wait to have a family with you, and bring this baby into such a loving, happy home.”

“I can’t wait either.” He says stroking the back of your head. He scoops you up and sits you on his side of the bed, he sits in front of you.

“You know I slept on your side the entire time you were gone.” You giggle.

“That so? Missed me that much?” He opens up your towel so you can admire your small bump.

“Mhm.” You grab your jar of cocoa butter. “Would you rub this on me? Haven’t had time to moisturize yet, and I don’t wanna get my new ring all greasy.”

“Of course.” You toss the jar to him. He takes his jacket off and rolls his sleeves up. He warms the cream up in his hands before rubbing it on you gently. At first you didn’t want him doing this for you, but you grew more comfortable with it. He rubbed some on your inner thighs as well.

You and Harry had a very active sex life, but for the last month or so, you didn’t really want him touching you. It drove him nuts because he wanted you even more than before, but he respected that you just weren’t feeling it. As he rubbed on you, you realized how much you missed his touch. Your sex drive had come back while he was away. He parted your legs a little more and nearly whimpered at the sight before him.

“Would you let me love on you?” He asks making eye contact.

“You already are.” His eyes dart to your center then back to you. “Oh! That kind of loving on me.” You bite your bottom lip. “I’ve deprived you, haven’t I?” His bottom lip comes out in a pout as he nods his head yes. “Wasn’t very nice of me to only pay attention to one of my babies was it?” He shakes his head no. “Alright, yeah.”

Harry takes his clothes off, leaving his boxers on for the moment. You lift up so he can get the towel off you all the way. Revealing your large breasts to him. This was probably the one area you didn’t mind gaining weight in. His lips meet yours, and your tongues mold together. He can’t remember the last time he got to taste you. He nips at your jaw and neck, then kisses down your chest. He kisses down your tummy, and takes a moment to admire the bump. His thumb reaches down to your clit, and your breath hitches.

“Tell me, who put this baby in you?” He rubs slow circles on you.

“You did, Harry.” You loved when he talked to you like this. Harry loved being your baby, but in the bedroom he was your man.

It annoyed him to no end that the sex you had when you got pregnant was not let’s make a baby sex, so every time he fucked you after that it was like he was trying to put another baby in you.

“That’s right.” He plunged two fingers into your wet core, and you gasped with pleasure. “So wet for me, and so tight.”

“Just wanna feel you stretch me with that big dick.”

When you and Harry first started seeing Harry, and getting intimate with him, he would say these downright filthy things to you. You didn’t quite know what to say or do other than to grunt and moan. But eventually you found your voice, and he fucking loved it.

“You’ve made me wait quite a while to feel this again, so you can be patient.”

He pumped in and out of you faster, and his thumb rubbed quicker on your clit. He curled his fingers up inside you, making a loud moan come out of you as he hit your g-spot.

“Ah, there’s my little friend. Missed ya so much.” He said as he continued to hit it.

Your legs began to shake and your stomach tightened as your orgasm swept over you. Your release going all over his fingers, and dripping down to his wrist. He takes his fingers out of you and sucks on them. He takes his boxers off and the sight of his hard cock sends you.

“God, put it in me Harry, please!” You whine. He smirks at you, and crawls up the bed, sitting next to you.

“Up we go.” He grabs your hips, and places you on top of him. You grip him and rub your thumb over his tip, spreading the precome around. He places kisses on your neck and shoulder. You lift yourself up, and slowly sink down on him.

“Fuck.” You both moan in unison.

“You’re so fucking tight.” He groans.

“Love the way you feel inside me, so big.” You place your head in the crook of his neck as you start to move up and down on him.

Harry thrusts his hips up as you come down on him, hitting bottom immediately. Your back arches and you gasp.

“Fuck, please keep doing that.”

Your hands lace through his hair as you hold onto him, and get into a rhythm. His hand goes between where you both are connected, and rubs your clit.

“Harry.” You moan.

With each thrust you feel him do deeper and deeper. You grind against him, and he hits that spot you love so much. You bite down on his collar bone as he continues to hit it.

“I’m gonna come again babe.” You moan out.

��Together, yeah?”

With a few more thrusts you and Harry release together. His hot come shooting up inside you. You move to get off him, but he holds you in place.

“Just stay a minute.” He whispers, trying to catch his breath.

“I’m already pregnant.” You giggle.

“I know, just been so long since I had ya around me, wanna feel it a bit longer.” You kiss him tenderly. “Let’s not wait so long again.”

“I’m back in action now, won’t be saying no to you again for a long time.” You coo, pressing your forehead to his.

Eventually, Harry let you off of him, only when you said you needed to pee. You crawled back into bed with him, letting him rest his head on your chest. He rubbed your tummy and talked to the baby. There was so truly no place you’d rather be.

#harry styles #harry styles blurb #.harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #dad!Harry #husband!Harry #father!Harry #harry styles x reader #harry styles y/n

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raleighcarrera · 4 years ago

Text

cliché

ride or die | colt kaneko x mc (ellie wheeler)

an au where everyone is college friends and logan is getting married and the best friend of his ellie always hated is going to be logan’s best man. as the maid of honor, she’s probably expected to be at least a little nice to him.

for @rodappreciationweek, of course! day 7/wild card

(spoiler alert: i bent the rules of weddings for plot reasons so go easy)

tags: @choicesarehard, @lovehugsandcandy, @pixeljazzy, @troublemakerinspace, @dancingboba, @yaushie, @brightpinkpeppercorn, @tempesrature, @zigtheeortega, @beccadavenport, @theeccentricbibliophile

~15.5k words | M (18+)

she squealed, clapping her hands excitedly in view of the laptop’s webcam. “i’m so happy for you guys! seriously, this is amazing.”

from across the country, ingrid beamed, still holding her left hand aloft so ellie could see her ring. “did you know?”

ellie shook her head. “i knew he’d bought a ring but i didn’t know he was proposing now.” her attention turned to logan, “i thought you were waiting until your anniversary?”

he shrugged, looking just as excited as ingrid did. “i couldn’t wait anymore, it was driving me crazy.”

ingrid leaned her head on logan’s shoulder. “ellie, say you’ll be my maid of honor.”

“oh my god, of course i will!” ellie gushed, blinking away a sudden wave of emotion. “please, you guys know i’d do anything for you.”

the two of them exchanged a glance. “glad to hear you say that,” logan said slowly, “because i already asked colt to be my best man.”

the smile dropped off her face. “are you kidding me?”

“come on, it won’t be that bad,” ingrid rushed to assure her, “you’ll hardly have to deal with him. but -- while we’re breaking bad news to you...” she pursed her lips, and then shrugged. “we already set a date, too.”

“it’s in three months,” logan interjected helpfully.

ellie felt her eyes bug out. “three months?”

“el, we got our dream venue,” ingrid sighed wistfully, “you’re going to die when you see it. it was the only saturday they had available for, like, the next five years. it’s in santa monica overlooking the water and it’s just -- it’s perfect.”

“that’s really soon,” she said dumbly, “we have a lot to do.”

“totally.” ellie watched as ingrid shifted from blushing bride in love to ruthless, no-nonsense delegator. “we’re going to cram as much of it in as we can when you’re home for spring break. i already made us appointments to go look at dresses and tuxes and then -- we’ll figure everything else out when you’re here.”

the thought of spending her spring break shopping with colt kaneko was already making a headache start to throb behind her eyes. but ingrid and logan were her best friends. and they deserved the wedding of their dreams.

she pasted the biggest, most extreme smile she could muster on her face. “sounds great, you guys.”

ellie relished the long flight home from new york to los angeles, well aware that it was probably going to be the last moment she had to relax until the end of the summer.

there had to be some irony in the fact that she was midway through pursuing her ph.d and more stressed out about her college friends’ wedding than anything else.

but her coursework was going well. everything in her life was falling into place perfectly, exactly how she’d always envisioned it.

this was the wrench in the plan. how she was supposed to make time to come back home for ingrid and logan’s wedding when she’d already committed to spending her summer in miami doing field work was a problem she didn’t need.

so she spent the flight napping, enjoying the five hours in the air as the only chance she’d get to kick back during her spring break. if she knew ingrid at all, she was going to be barking orders from the moment ellie’s feet touched orange county soil until the second they left.

still, there were at least a few hours she could spend delaying the inevitable.

riya picked her up at the airport and ellie threw herself into her arms eagerly for a giant hug. “oh my god, i am so glad to see you. thank you for picking me up -- i pretty much have bridal boot camp all week.”

“ingrid’s got it all planned out, huh?” riya asked, helping her get her suitcase in the car with a grin. “look, it probably won’t be that bad. you’re you -- when darius and i got married you were the reason we didn’t even need a wedding planner!”

“that was different,” ellie explained, as riya started driving them back to the city, “you and darius are normal. maid of honor doesn’t mean the same thing to ingrid that it meant to you, trust me.”

“well, i believe in you,” her oldest friend declared, “and even if it’s awful, just come over afterwards and we can drown ourselves in wine.”

“done and done,” she sighed. “i’m sorry i probably won’t be around much this week otherwise. i know it’s been forever since we caught up.”

“please, i can’t even imagine how busy you are,” riya said, waving her apology off, “you’re getting close to the home stretch, eh?”

ellie shrugged. “i still have two more years of study, but -- yeah, pretty much. it’s crazy.”

“so crazy,” riya agreed, “but you will absolutely see me and dare in miami as soon as you get set up there.”

the thought of it, with everything she knew was ahead of her this week, sounded like nothing short of paradise. “can’t wait,” she said genuinely, sighing as the car slowed to a stop in front of the house she’d grown up in. “wanna come in and say hi to my dad?”

“uh uh,” riya chided, “i’m done being the buffer between you two. sooner or later, you’re going to have to have that long overdue heart-to-heart.”

“okay, dr. phil,” ellie groaned, “thanks a lot.” her phone lit up with a text from ingrid as soon as she closed the car door.

be at your house in 5 it said, pulling a sigh of relief from deep within her.

saved by the bell.

ellie only had a moment to drop her bags and shout a quick hello to her dad before she heard a car horn honk and rushed back outside, leaning over the car’s center console to give ingrid a big hug hello.

“boy, am i ever glad to see you,” her friend said. “everything is already such a disaster. the venue is giving me such an attitude about moving our ceremony outside and my sister is an out of control diva who is, like, demanding to be allowed to read a poem before we say our vows and -- i swear i’ve almost killed logan at least twice.”

“wow. okay, well -- all of that sounds fixable.” though already she knew the next three months were going to be nothing like the ramp up to riya and darius’ wedding. ellie stifled a sigh.

“oh, it will be,” ingrid threatened darkly, “we’re doing everything at once today. dresses -- tuxes -- groomsmen, bridesmaids. i tried being nice about it, but do you know what i realized? some people don’t deserve to be allowed to make their own decisions. so i changed our appointment and i’m going to supervise and everyone who acts normal will be allowed to come help me pick out my dress at our new appointment on wednesday.”

ellie blinked. “whatever you want,” she said finally, her brain still working to process what the hell she was talking about, “it’s your day.”

“yes it is,” ingrid agreed viciously, “i’m glad you’re on board. come on.”

ellie followed behind her into the boutique they’d arrived at, immediately catching sight of eight or so of their closest friends from college, plus logan’s cousin and ingrid’s sister, the latter who was staring at a long, pink dress with her arms crossed petulantly over her chest. “i’m not trying that on,” she said, as ellie stepped closer, “it’s going to accentuate my shoulders.”

“look, brat,” ingrid started, lowering her voice to the dangerous timbre ellie had come to associate with group project members who weren’t pulling their own weight, “get in that dressing room and put this on right now or so help me god --”

“ellie!”

she turned around and saw logan, the distressed look on her face instantly melting into one of relief. “oh my god, hi,” she laughed, rushing over for a hug, “it’s so good to see you!”

“hey, back at you,” he grinned, “seriously, i know this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your spring break, but -- thank god you’re here. ingrid needs all the help she can get.”

ellie pulled out of his arms and saw that he was wearing an elegant black tuxedo, the lines of which settled nicely on his shoulders and seemed to suit him perfectly. “okay, but -- this is a great tux.” she called out to ingrid over her shoulder. “come look at this one.”

ingrid walked over and gave logan a cursory glance. “i hate it. get changed.”

logan shot her an amused glance, but dipped back into the dressing room without a word. bless him, ellie thought, before drawing in a deep breath and asking, “okay, where do you want me?”

as if on cue, a harried shop attendant immediately dropped a pile of gowns into ellie’s arms. “follow me.”

the first dress she tried on was bright pink and heavily ruffled -- so ugly she honestly didn’t even want to show everyone.

but she hitched up the skirt and stepped out of the dressing room obligingly, standing in front of the mirrors and the rest of the bridal party for ingrid’s judgment.

you have the ideal body type, ingrid had explained nonsensically to her as they herded her off with the gowns, so you’ll try on all of them and then once we find one we like everyone else will try it on, too.

ugh. “it’s not... that bad,” ellie said delicately, once she was situated on the platform in front of the group.

“not if you’re little bo peep.”

god. she’d know that smug, arrogant, self-centered, self-obsessed, narcissistic egomaniac voice anywhere.

“hi, colt,” ellie said pointedly, without turning her head, “nice to see you, too.”

he stepped closer, directly into her field of vision. there was no avoiding looking at him, then.

colt was just as handsome as he’d been the last time she’d seen him, over a year ago at logan’s twenty-fifth birthday party, but this time, he was in a navy blue tux that had no business looking as good as it did.

he smirked at her. “as if anyone could miss you in that thing.”

ellie sighed, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. formalwear could only go so far when it came to making him appear tolerable, it seemed. “do you always have to be the most insufferable person in every room you’re in?”

“not always, no. but i like to win.”

“it’s disgusting,” ingrid declared abruptly, before ellie could snap back at him, “please take it off. can you try on the purple one next?”

she ducked back into the dressing room, thunking her head softly against the wall once the door swung shut behind her. why me, ellie thought miserably, i’m a good person. this isn’t fair.

it took two and a half hours, but eventually, she’d tried on what felt like every single dress at the store. finally, once she’d wiggled into a gown that was a soft, sky blue, figure-hugging with thin straps and delicate lace accents over tasteful cut-outs, ingrid gasped, “that’s it! that’s the one.”

every bridesmaid, including ellie, sagged with relief. “great,” she smiled, “i’ll just get out of the way so everyone else can try theirs on, too.”

just before she stepped back inside the dressing room to get changed, she caught sight of colt, who was still standing around on their side of the shop for some reason. he was staring at her, face carefully blank -- though there was something in his eyes she couldn’t quite place.

as soon as he noticed she’d caught him looking, he stormed off.

once ellie was back in her street clothes, ingrid said, “i’ll finish up over here. can you please go make sure the guys are on the right track?”

ellie winced as she approached the men’s side of the store. half of logan’s groomsmen were dressed in navy, the other half in black -- logan had a white jacket on and one of their friends from college, brent, was inexplicably wearing pants that were powder blue.

“oh my god, ingrid’s going to kill you,” she said to logan. “i can see why she sent me over here to babysit.”

“hey, i’ve got it sort of under control,” logan said defensively, “she said she wanted slate grey. look at this.”

ellie cringed again as he held a jacket on a hanger aloft in front of her eyes. “that’s charcoal grey.”

the determined look on logan’s face crumpled immediately. “fuck. can you help me?”

she was already nodding before he finished his question. “just -- get in there and get that off before anyone sees. i’ll pull tuxes for everyone.”

it was only a few minutes before she was passing out new outfits, herding each of logan’s groomsmen into their respective dressing rooms one by one.

only one of them gave her any trouble about it. as soon as she passed him his tux, colt scowled, asking, “what is this?”

“a tuxedo,” she answered tersely, “presumably you’ve seen one before? like, an hour ago? those are all called tuxedos. maybe you never learned the word?”

he merely rolled his eyes at her. “why are you giving it to me?”

“because i want you to put it on. now. like, immediately.”

still, he just stood there. “i already tried on forty of them.”

“then one more shouldn’t make much of a difference.” she shoved his shoulder expectantly. “go.”

ingrid wandered over just as they all started to emerge. as they stood in a line outside the dressing room, she laid a hand to her heart and gasped. “oh my god, they’re perfect. baby, you did such a good job!”

“actually --” logan started, though he stopped abruptly as soon as he caught sight of the way ellie was frantically shaking her head from behind ingrid’s back, “uh, thanks. i want everything to be perfect for you.”

“oh my god, you guys can do something right,” ingrid sniffed, “i’m so happy. okay -- fuck it, let’s go get drinks. i’ll get the first round.”

a few of their friends cornered her as soon as she got her first drink. it was the same every time she came home; everyone wanted to know how new york was, how school was going, what the dating pool was like on the east coast and if she’d met anyone. they asked the same questions every time ellie was able to make it out so they could catch up, and she gave the same answers.

it was exhausting. she gulped down her glass of wine as quickly as humanly possible, just so she could have an excuse to escape back to the bar.

the bartender slid her a shot when he passed her refilled wine glass back to her. his smile was sympathetic. “you look like you need this.”

ellie grimaced at him, but immediately lifted the shot to her lips and knocked it back. “that obvious?”

“oh, yeah.” he placed his palms on the bar top and leaned in close, grinning brightly at her. “let me guess. family reunion?”

“worse,” she sighed, “two of my best friends from college are getting married. in three months.”

he whistled, slowly shaking his head. “brutal. i don’t think we have enough alcohol in the bar to help you with that.”

“tell me about it,” ellie laughed, taking a sip from her wine glass to chase away the burn of the shot she’d done, “you don’t even know the half of it.”

“well...” he smiled charmingly at her again. “my shift is over in twenty minutes. i’ll gladly listen to you complain, if you want.”

she blinked. “oh, i --”

“hey, don’t look now, but that guy over there has the angriest eyebrows i’ve ever seen.” the bartender leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “boyfriend?”

“what?” ellie turned around and followed the line of his gaze.

sure enough, colt was glaring at them from the booth with the rest of their friends, his eyebrows drawn together thunderously.

“oh my god, no,” she said, turning back around as quickly as possible, “never. we don’t even like each other.”

“right. well -- listen. if you do wanna pick this up some other time, here’s my number, okay? no pressure.”

she watched, dumbfounded, as he wrote it down on a cocktail napkin, printing his name evenly below it. ben.

all the girls cheered for her when she got back to the table.

“is that a phone number?” julia demanded, her grin wide and wickedly sharp. she reached over and plucked the napkin out of her hand. “jesus, ellie. you’ve been back in the city for, what, an afternoon?”

“give it,” she said, stepping forward as the rest of the girls passed it around the table, out of her reach, “oh my god, he was just being nice.”

“no, please,” gemma laughed, holding the napkin up over her head, “tell us again how you’re too busy to date.”

“i am too busy to date.” she bounced up on her toes and snatched the cocktail napkin out of her friend’s hand, folding it up and tucking it into the pocket of her jeans. “and i live across the country, remember?”

“hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun while you’re home this week, right?” brent asked, making her aware, all at once, that the guys were officially clued into their conversation, too. “speaking of, ryan moore keeps asking me about you.”

beyond brent’s shoulder, colt was still staring at her. he looked tense, his grip firm on the glass in his hand. his jaw was clenched tight.

“can we talk about something else?” ellie asked finally, lifting her wine glass to her flushed cheek. “my love life can’t be that interesting to you guys.”

logan reached out and ruffled her hair. “hey, you’re our last single friend. you can’t blame us for being invested.”

“colt’s single,” she reminded him, before she could bite her tongue. ellie risked another glance his way and found him scowling at her.

“colt doesn’t count,” ingrid interjected, “he doesn’t have any social skills. you are a catch. you just need to put yourself out there.”

“and i promise, once i have my ph.d, you can set me up with anyone you want.” a discussion they’d had at least a thousand times before. ingrid looked as pleased about it as she’d ever been, which was to say not very much at all. before she could respond, ellie continued, “hey, will someone please play pool with me? i haven’t shot in forever.”

to her surprise, colt offered, “i will.” ellie slowly turned towards him and found him smirking at her again. “who knows what’d happen to your virtue if you went over there alone?”

fucker. he’d probably volunteered to go with her on purpose -- now there was no way for her to get out of it. and if she stayed at the table for one minute longer she was going to scream.

her eyes narrowed at him. “thanks.”

colt set up the table like she wasn’t glaring at him bitterly, humming to himself while he racked the balls and then passed her a cue.

“you’re awful,” she said, as she snatched it out of his hands.

he just grinned at her. “thank you. break?”

ellie leaned over the table to line up her shot, knocking the cue into the balls. two of the solids slid into the corner pockets. her hip leaned against the table as she watched him survey the setup critically, and she took advantage of the fact that his eyes were elsewhere to study him in turn, making note of what was different about him since the last time they’d seen each other.

he’d recently gotten a haircut, but was otherwise unchanged -- he wore the same leather jacket, had the same smug smile, was still so insufferably arrogant she found talking to him pretty much impossible.

“so, what’s your deal?” he asked suddenly, pulling her from her thoughts and knocking the striped number eleven ball smoothly into one of the side pockets, “you a rocket scientist or whatever yet?”

ellie rolled her eyes, trying not to flush when he lifted his head and looked directly at her. despite his many, many flaws, she’d always found him unnervingly hot. “my degree is in chemistry. so -- no. i still have two more years in the program.”

“yeah, but what are you going to do with it? once you’re a doctor.” even the way he said the word sounding mocking.

she ignored him in favor of focusing on the table, and knocked one of her balls in. once it was his turn to shoot, she answered, “if you need to know, my specialization is in environmental science. one day i’ll hopefully work alongside some of the best in the world to ensure environmental hazards are at an all time low.”

“so whaddya moving to miami for?” he asked, effortlessly sinking two balls into the pocket at once, “their environment is already pretty sweet.”

“the department is sending me to collect data from the water and air outside of the city,” she answered, her eyes on the table as she tried to locate her next best shot, “it’s for my dissertation. it’s only for the summer.”

“shame,” colt murmured, laughing under his breath when her next shot went wide, missing her target completely, “i’ll be stuck dealing with this mess on my own.”

“somehow i doubt that,” ellie said, “it’s only a timezone change. there’s still phones and video calls and plenty of ways for all of you to bother me.”

“only if you pick up.” smoothly, he sunk the last three striped balls, one after another. she scowled at him. “the way the rest of them talk about how hard you are to pin down you’d think you were the president or something.”

“i have a demanding course load,” she huffed out defensively, “so we should get started on planning their bachelor and bachelorette party before my flight back on sunday. that should be the only thing that’s still up in the air after all our appointments this week.”

“don’t even get me started on the concept of a joint bachelor party,” colt sighed, leaning over in front of the eight ball, “it’s going to be the lamest trip of all time. side pocket.”

“i don’t know,” ellie murmured, resting on her cue as the eight ball sailed effortlessly into the side pocket as indicated, “i think it’ll be fun.”

he straightened up and smirked at her, spreading his hands out wide as if to say look at me. what an asshole. “you would.” colt nodded at the table. his smirk lengthened. “looks like you still suck.”

ellie shoved her pool cue back into his open hand. “one thing you’ll never know,” she promised, spinning on her heel and striding back to the table as quickly as possible.

“thanks for all your help today,” ingrid said sweetly on the drive home. “i know it wasn’t easy -- dealing with my idiot sister and all of those guys.”

“colt was as terrible as ever,” she mused, officially thinking too much about it. “i don’t know how he never gets tired of himself. he is such a prick.”

“totally,” ingrid agreed, even though ellie knew she’d softened to him, lately -- though she wasn’t sure she’d ever understand why or how. “but he just picks on you because he likes you.”

ellie lifted her head from where it’d been leaning against the passenger side window and turned towards ingrid with a look of confusion contorting her expression. “what? no.”

“yes,” she insisted, “he’s wanted to bang you since freshman year.”

“okay -- you’re too drunk to be driving,” ellie laughed, though even she could hear the undercurrent of nerves in the tone of her voice, “he’s an asshole to everyone. it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“well, he sure doesn’t talk to me like he talks to you.”

ellie waved her hand dismissively. “because you and logan have been dating for, like, a hundred years. i’m positive he’s just as big a dick to gemma and julia and christie.”

“okay,” ingrid mouthed, arching her eyebrows at the road.

she furrowed her brow. “he is.”

“forget i said anything,” ingrid said breezily as the car slowed to a stop in front of her dad’s house. “i’ll pick you up tomorrow at nine, okay? seriously, thanks again for all your help.”

“anytime.”

dread filled her stomach as ellie dragged her feet up the path to the house. all the lights were on inside, which meant her dad was still awake. “hey pumpkin,” he greeted her, as soon as she toed off her shoes and dropped her bag, “long day?”

“you have no idea.” ellie walked straight to the sofa and flung herself down onto it face-first, groaning into the cushions. for a moment, it felt like she was back in high school, without a care in the world other than coursework and group projects and prom. she drew in a deep breath. “planning this wedding is going to be a headache.”

“you’ll pull through,” her dad assured her, “you always do.”

ellie pressed her forehead to the fabric of the couch and scowled, the freedom of her hair covering her face allowing her to express how she really felt. that was what everyone always said: she’d be fine. she’d figure it out. she’d make it happen.

part of her was so tired of always bending over backwards, always finding a way to make things work -- always being perfect.

some first day back it was shaping up to be.

“i guess,” she mumbled, letting herself sulk for one more long moment before finally lifting her head and sitting up straight. “are you working tonight?”

“yep -- on my way out now. glad i caught you, though. i feel like i haven’t seen you in forever.”

she winced, turning away from the disappointment in his eyes. “ingrid has a pretty full schedule for us this week, but maybe we can have dinner tomorrow.”

“sure thing,” her dad said brightly, pausing by the couch on his way out the door to gently grasp her shoulder. “i’ll see you in the morning, then. hang in there, kid.”

ellie slumped back into the couch, watching him go blankly. half of her was so exhausted she couldn’t imagine doing anything other than collapsing into bed for as long as humanly possible, but the other half of her still felt anxious and unsettled, the way she always did whenever she had to come home.

being back in los angeles always felt like losing control of her life. there was something about being around her old friends and her dad and other people’s expectations that made her feel not like herself -- like some kind of persona she was putting on so everyone would perceive her a certain way.

so she could look like she had everything figured out, so everyone would keep saying you’ll pull through. you’ll figure it out. you’ll make it happen.

the thought of keeping it all up for an entire week of wedding activity with ingrid and their college friends was daunting. worse still was ingrid and logan’s engagement party on friday night, hanging over her head as the last obstacle between her and her flight home to the solace of her silent new york apartment, where she’d be able to analyze soil samples in peace until her mind was quiet again.

the week passed by in a blur. true to form, ingrid kept her busy for a majority of her waking moments with dress shopping, fittings, a trip to the venue, the florist and the bakery and, finally, last-minute preparations for friday’s engagement party, which left ellie tying ribbons around party favors late into the night on thursday.

“i could kill logan,” she complained to riya in the middle of the one free hour she’d been able to steal away for a mani-pedi, “i swear to god i’ve been playing the part of the fiance since i got back.”

“it’ll all be over soon,” riya hummed sympathetically, “the wedding will be here before you know it.”

as she dressed for the engagement party, she repeated the words to herself over and over again in the mirror. it’ll all be over soon.

she arrived at the venue early. the first person she saw after she stepped out of her rideshare was colt, who was loitering by the entrance to the restaurant, smoking.

“some dress,” he smirked at her as soon as she got close enough to hear him, not even bothering to pretend like he wasn’t looking her up and down, “you trying to get laid tonight?”

“you know, ‘hello’ works just fine, too,” she said, pushing past him without a backwards glance. her face felt hot as she considered the comment, looking down at herself self-consciously. fuck him. i look nice.

fortunately, the party itself was less exhausting than she’d expected it to be. it was actually sort of nice to catch up with people she hadn’t seen since they’d graduated, and though she had to run through the familiar talk track she was getting sick of over and over again -- how’s school? how’s new york? what are your plans for after your thesis? -- the open bar made her hate it all a little less.

eventually things started to wind down, until it was late and only the wedding party was left. ellie teetered in her heels as she pretended to help ingrid clean up, shuffling around as inconspicuously as she could manage, given the drinks she’d had.

“are you drunk?”

she jumped, startled by the question. ellie’s lips pulled down into a frown as she noticed the out-and-out delighted expression on colt’s smug face from where he was suddenly standing next to her.

“no,” she lied, “and shhh. someone will hear you.”

“god forbid.” the shit eating grin on his face stretched further. “you want a ride home?”

ellie blinked. “from you?”

colt wasn’t at all deterred by the high arch of her eyebrows. he shrugged. “if we get out of here now we can probably avoid carrying presents to the car.”

that was all it took to convince her. she followed him out to the parking lot with a laugh, drawing up short when he stopped her in front of his motorcycle. she propped a hand on her hip and asked, “you still ride this thing?”

“it’s part of my image,” he answered, and as he came closer ellie found herself staring at the gentle slope of the smirk on his face. maybe it was the low lighting of the parking lot, but he looked a little softer than he had all week -- almost like when she’d first met him, in college, before he opened his mouth to say something rude and their relationship devolved into exchanged barbs and sidelong glares.

colt cleared his throat, looking down at the helmet in his hands. “here.”

she flushed, pulling it on as quickly as possible in the hopes that it’d cover her face before he noticed.

in all the years she’d known him she’d never actually gotten on the back of this thing. she’d seen him pull up to parties and speed away from them with plenty of girls holding onto his stomach, but she’d never actually thought she’d be one of them herself.

the bottle of wine she’d had was making it seem like no big deal, though, so she pressed up snugly behind him and rested her cheek on his shoulder like they’d done this enough times to form a habit.

and then they were back at her dad’s house, so quickly that ellie was almost sad about it. colt was actually mostly alright when he was quiet -- the speed of the bike hardly facilitated conversation -- and he was warm and solid against her while he drove, comforting her to the point that she was half asleep when they finally stopped.

she slid off the bike with a yawn, clumsily yanking the helmet off and handing it back to him. “thanks,” she murmured, glancing at the house and cringing once she realized all the lights were still on, meaning her dad was waiting up for her again. ellie lingered silently beside him, fidgeting.

colt hesitated. after a moment, he killed the engine. he pulled his own helmet off so she could see his face. “you okay?”

“yeah.” she pursed her lips, then exhaled, blowing a messy lock of hair out of her eyes. “i guess i am a little drunk.”

his lips pulled back into that stupid, familiar smirk. “i know. i saw you guzzling chardonnays back there.”

ellie leaned in over the handlebars. “stalk me much?”

“you wish.”

movement in her peripheral vision caught her eye and ellie sighed as she saw the curtains shift. colt followed her gaze to the house, then turned back towards her with an eyebrow quirked.

“is there a reason you’re still standing here?”

she rolled her eyes at him. “it’s complicated.”

he laughed. it was after midnight, and the sleepy street she’d grown up on was completely silent and dark, save for that sound. “don’t tell me little miss perfect has daddy issues.”

“what, you thought you had the monopoly on them?” she shot back, too drunk to stop herself.

surprise flashed across his expression for a split second before he laughed again. “touché,” he murmured, “i probably deserved that.”

ellie still didn’t move, standing at the front of the bike. they stared at each other, silence hanging in the air between them. it had to be the longest amount of time they’d gone without arguing since their freshman year.

that felt like a lifetime ago, but she still remembered what she’d thought when they first met at orientation.

cute, and then, once she found out that he was in the honors college like her, and smart, and eventually, once he opened his mouth, but a jerk.

“what are you staring at?” he asked finally, and though he was difficult to read on even her best day, when she had one-hundred percent of her faculties intact, she was pretty sure there was no malice in his voice -- just genuine curiosity.

“nothing. you’re being weird.”

he laughed again. it took her a moment to realize why it sounded so different than it usually did; most of the time he was laughing at her. but not tonight. “no i’m not.”

“yes you are.”

“okay -- you’re trashed. do you need me to walk you inside?”

all the lights were still on. yeah, that was just what she needed. the thought of colt and her father coming face-to-face made her own mouth curve into a grin. “no. but thanks for driving me home. that was almost decent of you.”

“well, i’d hate to be fully decent.” even his smile was different when he wasn’t making fun of her.

ellie forced herself to take a step away, though it was difficult -- some strange magnetic pull seemed to want to keep her in his orbit, to see if she could maybe make him laugh softly at her again.

as soon as she stepped back, the bike roared to life, though he didn’t pull out of the street until she’d wobbled all the way up the path to the front door and turned back to wave at him.

huh, she thought to herself as she ducked inside, wine-drunk acid swirling in her stomach with something else unidentifiable along for the ride, weird.

it wasn’t until she was tucked in bed that she privately acknowledged to herself, nice, though, too.

as expected, ingrid filled the weeks after her spring break with questions and complaining and dozens of skype calls.

ellie did her best to balance it all with school, which was ramping up as they got closer to the end of term, and packing for her move to miami, though on any given day she felt torn in at least ten different directions while she struggled to get everything together.

the sound of another incoming facetime call was going to haunt her nightmares. with a groan, ellie fumbled for her phone blindly, not taking her eyes off the instant noodles slowly spinning in her microwave.

“what now?”

“hello to you, too,” said a voice that definitely wasn’t ingrid’s, and ellie turned her head to see colt staring at her expectantly from the screen of her phone, jolting both from the surprise of seeing him and the sound of the microwave going off.

“colt?” she blinked, suddenly aware that she was in her pajamas and tugging self-consciously at the cropped tank top she was wearing. “what do you want?”

“we have to go over some things for the bachelor party,” he sighed, and when he shifted she saw that he was reclining in bed. her face flushed.

“bachelor and bachelorette party,” she corrected.

“whatever. is now a good time?”

ellie cast a glance around her apartment, which looked like a tornado had recently swept through it. her kitchen table was covered in textbooks and pages of notes, though the living room had half-packed boxes covering every available surface. “i guess. one second.”

she set her phone down to retrieve her instant noodles and then leaned it up against her toaster, standing in front of the counter to both stay in her phone’s field of view and shovel noodles into her mouth as quickly as possible.

“seriously?” colt said, “isn’t it ten p.m. where you are?”

“i’ve been busy,” ellie answered defensively, between bites, “some of us have lives.”

he rolled his eyes. “did you book your flight yet?”

she paused, fork halfway to her lips. had she booked her flight yet? “i think so.” ellie pursed her lips, and then remembered, “yes! it gets in at seven. i’ll meet you guys at the hotel.”

“okay. the rest of us are driving down together, god help us all.” he scowled.

“relax. it’s only, like, four hours to vegas, anyway.” she was the one who was going to lose two entire days to travel and timezone changes.

“do you want to sit in a car for four hours with everyone?” he smirked at the look that crossed her face. “i didn’t think so. how are the dinner reservations coming along?”

“good,” she nodded. at least she’d remembered to do that. “we’re all set for friday and saturday night. we can walk to both restaurants from the hotel.”

colt had been adamant about planning everything else, and she’d been all too happy to let him take the reigns. the last thing she needed to worry about was getting them into nightclubs and securing bottle service and busting her ass only for him to ultimately turn his nose up at it and declare the whole thing lame.

“that should be everything, then.” she just barely saw the way he narrowed his eyes at her when she tipped her head back to get the last of the styrofoam cup of noodles down her throat. “except for whatever girly shit you have planned.”

“hey, you’re going to have to be the one to tell logan that your bad attitude is what got all of you excluded from mani-pedis and facials,” she shrugged, resting her elbows on the counter and leaning in toward the screen. “just so you can do what on saturday? smoke cigars and play darts?”

“someone has to draw the line somewhere,” he said, revisiting the argument they’d had at least four or five times since she was home the month before.

“you’re impossible,” she sighed, her mouth stretching with a wide yawn. ellie pulled a face at herself, shaking her head. she had at least another two hours of coursework to do once they hung up.

“you’re the one who looks about ten seconds away from combusting,” he smirked. “you can say no to things, you know.”

“i’m fine,” she insisted, “and i do say ‘no’ to things. when i have to.”

“right. it’s not like we haven’t known each other for eight years or anything.”

ellie rolled her eyes at him, her cheeks still flushed red. like he’d paid attention to anyone other than himself and whatever girl he was fucking when they were in college. “everything’ll calm down after the wedding.”

“whatever you say,” he shrugged, “just don’t miss your flight to vegas, okay? i’m going to need someone to talk to who doesn’t make me want to blow my brains out.”

what? colt hung up just as she opened her mouth to respond, leaving ellie staring at her phone background in confusion.

she took one last glance around her apartment, slowly trailing her eyes over the dishes in the sink, the schoolwork on her kitchen table, the piles of shoes that had to be bubble-wrapped and boxed up in her living room.

then ellie turned on her heel and headed off to bed. for once, it felt pretty fucking good to do the wrong thing.

when her flight got in she sent logan a long, detailed text with all the information he could possibly need -- what time her rideshare was going to get to the hotel and how much time she was going to need to get up to the room and get changed -- and asked where she should meet everyone when she was done.

his response was two short words. casino. craps. typical.

she rushed to get into her dress and get some makeup on and found everyone standing around the same table when she got downstairs. of course, the only available space was just to colt’s left. ellie squeezed in with a grin. “hi!”

“hey, you made it!” eager cheers from around the table greeted her and the tight hugs she was forced into let her know that she had a backlog a few drinks deep to catch up on.

when she turned back around, colt shoved his hand in her face. there was a pair of dice sitting in his palm. “blow,” he said, staring at her expectantly.

“excuse me?”

“blow,” he repeated, smirking at her, “it’s for luck.”

“i’m not going to --”

“come on, ellie,” logan grinned, “he’s up, like, two thousand dollars. you have to!”

“this is so demeaning,” she grumbled, but pursed her lips and blew on the dice as requested. colt stared at her the entire time, not even breaking eye contact to roll.

it was only when the croupier said, “another easy eight,” and the table broke out into cheers that he looked away, directing his gaze down at the stack of chips that was pushed over to him.

“okay, what’s the next one?” he asked, taking the dice into his hand again.

“huh?”

“what am i rolling?”

“oh.” ellie glanced around the table and found everyone looking at her expectantly. “seven.”

“okay, any seven.” colt shook the dice in his hand, then held them out to her again. “come on.”

she leaned in a little closer. “you know, i’d love a drink at some point.”

“if we get this one i’ll find you a whole bottle of dom,” he promised. “blow.”

ellie blew on the dice. she grabbed colt’s arm anxiously as they waited for them to land.

they did, a moment later. she craned her neck and saw them facing up, over the line -- five and two.

all the noise they were making was starting to draw a crowd. ellie found herself sharing a grin with colt when he looked back at her again.

“another seven,” she instructed, head already bowed towards his hand.

he rolled a three and a four. the people gathering around the table were enraptured.

she blew on the dice again. a one and a six.

the forearm of his jacket had indents where her hand kept grabbing at it frantically, but colt never showed any outward signs of nervousness. if anything, he seemed to get more and more excited as ellie called out the numbers and he rolled them, one after another -- an eight. a six. a ten. another seven.

“holy shit, that’s twenty thousand dollars,” ingrid breathed finally, her mouth open in shock.

colt picked the stack of chips up, nodding at the roulette table behind them. “come on.”

“where are we going?” ellie asked, but followed him to the table anyway, her heart racing. all of their friends fell in line around them, hushed.

“we’re gonna double it,” he smirked. “red or black?”

“you’re going to bet it all?” her eyes went comically wide.

“ellie, red or black?”

everyone within hearing distance, including the attendant, was staring at her. she looked down at the table, and then at the screen, which was displaying the outcome of the last few rounds. her mind raced as she tried to calculate all the ways it could become more complex than just a fifty-fifty probability.

colt noticed her staring and shook his head at her. “just pick.”

“black,” she blurted out, and watched in horror as he dropped the entire stack of chips down onto her choice. “oh my god, i’m going to throw up.”

his arm wound around her waist as the ball dropped into the table and started to roll around. instead of recoiling, ellie held onto him in return, digging her nails into the fabric of his suit as she stared.

there was dead silence at the table when the ball dropped neatly into the slot.

“twenty-nine,” the dealer announced, smiling at the both of them. “black.”

sound exploded all around them. their friends were jumping all over colt and the table, clapping him on the back, cheering and screaming. the spectators who’d been watching them joined in, and ellie couldn’t stop a deliriously joyful laugh from escaping as she looked, beaming, from the stack of chips on the table to colt’s face.

he was already grinning at her, and reached out to shove her shoulder excitedly before pulling the chips off the board and towards their end of the table -- four stacks of ten.

logan pushed between them, a beer bottle dangling from his fingers. “jesus christ. that was insane. way to make an entrance, el.”

“me?” she demanded incredulously, “what kind of person puts twenty thousand dollars on black?”

“what can i say,” colt shrugged, eyes still bright when they settled on her again, “i’m reckless.”

well, that was the understatement of the century. she slowly shook her head as the rest of the players at the table moved on to the next round. “i can’t believe that just happened.”

colt reached out and grabbed her wrist, then unceremoniously dropped five chips into her palm. “here. your cut.”

ellie blinked down at her hand like she’d never seen a casino chip before. “five thousand dollars?”

“hey, all you did was blow on some dice.”

“no, i --” she shook her head, trying to shove the chips back onto his pile with a laugh, “you don’t need to do that. it was fun.”

he shrugged. ellie watched in surprise as colt smiled at her, fixated on the upturned corners of his mouth. “whatever. remember i did the next time you’re pissed at me.”

colt walked off before she could try giving the money back to him again. she stared down at the chips in her hand for a moment, staring at all the zeroes that looked back up at her.

if what had just happened was any indication, it was probably going to be a strange weekend.

after dinner they went to a nightclub. her buzz was kicking in, so the lights and the music hardly bothered her as much as they might have on a normal night, and though she was loathe to admit it, colt had actually done a pretty nice job setting everything up. they had a booth to themselves and bottle service with sparklers, themed shots and props for both logan and ingrid -- sashes and buttons and crowns for the both of them.

seeing how happy everyone was made all the aggravation of the last six weeks worth it. before she knew it, she’d had more shots than was probably wise and her feet were killing her from dancing, leaving her flushed and sweaty when she stumbled back to the table.

as soon as she sat down, ingrid rushed over and grabbed her arm. “come on! i want to introduce you to a hot guy!”

“no,” ellie moaned, digging her heels into the booth while ingrid tried to drag her out of it, “stop, we’ve been dancing for hours. i need five minutes.”

“okay, but he’s so hot,” ingrid insisted, “and you could get laid tonight!”

“or we could just enjoy your bachelorette party!” she screamed back, over the music, “that’d be so fun, too.”

“oh my god, you’re impossible,” ingrid sighed, dropping down dramatically into the booth beside her. "look, he’s right over there.”

ellie followed the line of her eyes and saw an admittedly very hot guy standing with a few of their friends. she lifted her hand and waved at him, and he smiled charmingly back at her, waving in return.

from behind her hand, when she pulled it in to cover her mouth, ellie said to ingrid, “he looks kind of stupid.”

“oh my god,” ingrid groaned again, “forget it. i’m done trying to set you up.”

before she could argue further, logan ran over to refill his drink and pulled ingrid back up to her feet, dragging her away from the booth and back onto the dance floor.

ellie watched them go, then turned her eyes to the half-full bottle of vodka in the ice bucket on the table. she was in the middle of trying to decide whether or not she was one drink away from puking when colt walked up to her.

“hey, loser. you wanna dance?” he asked, just as she made up her mind and reached for the bottle. he wasn’t loud enough to be heard over the music, but ellie could see the shape of his mouth make each word clearly, mostly because she tilted her head up to stare at him in complete confusion as soon as he got close.

“with you?”

“i thought you were supposed to be smart,” he said, and she recognized the easy grin on his face from dozens of late nights out with all their friends in college; he was drunk. “come on.”

she stumbled to her feet and followed him without thinking too much about it, even though there was no way their friends weren’t looking at them as they found a spot on the dance floor together.

“you know how to dance?” ellie asked, blinking down at colt’s hands, which settled confidently on her waist, in absolute, total surprise, “since when?”

“since always,” he answered, lowering his mouth to her ear, “you just repress all my positive traits.”

“you don’t have any positive traits,” she shot back, though she gave in and wound her arms around his neck a moment later, letting him pull her in close.

“ouch,” colt murmured softly into her ear, and ellie sunk her teeth into her bottom lip at the low tone of his voice and its proximity. “that really hurts.”

her head tipped back to stare up at the flashing lights in the ceiling. colt didn’t say anything -- of course, he loved to get the last word -- and after a moment she forgot how utterly strange it was to be close to him at all and let herself enjoy the dance, smoothly moving her hips against his.

it was unnatural how natural it felt. she was dancing with colt kaneko -- it should have felt insane. they didn’t dance together. they didn’t get along.

except that evidently they did, and she kind of liked it, too.

when he dragged everyone out of the nightclub at three o’clock in the morning he wouldn’t tell them where they were going. even ellie was surprised to hear about a planned part two of the evening, though the way he seamlessly swiped a bottle of dom perignon from a table they passed on their way to the door and presented it to her as soon as they stepped back into the lobby of the hotel made her laugh with her whole body.

“you didn’t even pay for it,” she grinned, cradling it in her arms like a baby.

he looked around, then started leading everyone down a side hallway. “i never said i would. hang on.”

logan caught on as soon as they all stopped in front of the fancy glass doors marked pool, and ellie kept watch at the end of the hallway while the two of them worked to get the door open. one by one, their friends filed quietly inside to the hotel’s closed indoor pool, giggling while they stripped out of their clothes.

“this feels illegal,” ellie said, while ingrid helpfully lowered the zip on her dress for her, “no?”

“it’s only a crime if you get caught,” logan answered, running past and jumping in the pool directly in front of where they were standing at its edge, splashing them both.

“oh, you’re in for it,” ingrid promised, jumping off after him.

ellie self-consciously pulled her dress off the rest of the way, walking over to the steps and wading into the shallow end carefully. she swam out to join the rest of the group, head spinning from the drinks she’d had.

“hey.”

she turned around and came face-to-face with colt again, staring at what she could see of his bare chest, sticking out of the dark water before averting her eyes with a flush. “we’re totally all going to jail,” she said, apropos of nothing.

“that’s the plan,” colt returned, still smiling that easy, open smile. but he’d always been a lot more fun to hang out with when he was drunk.

“why’re you being so nice to me?” ellie asked abruptly, reaching out to hold onto the pool wall and treading water to stay afloat in front of him. “it’s weird.”

colt laughed. his own arm braced on the side of the pool beside hers, and she looked over at the way the water slid of his muscles, her mouth suddenly dry.

“guess i like the reactions i get,” he answered, effortlessly short-circuiting her brain as she tried to figure out what the fuck that was supposed to mean. “plus, it looks like you’re my good luck charm.”

“that was pretty crazy,” she acknowledged with a soft smile of her own, “i’ve never done anything like that before.” in fact, it’d been almost more excitement than she could handle.

“there’s so much i could show you.”

the look in his eyes was intense -- searching. she wasn’t sure what to say, but fortunately the noise from the rest of their friends splashing around covered the too-loud pounding of her heartbeat as he stood there staring down at her.

it was the most alive she’d felt in months. before tonight, she hadn’t even thought she’d want a break from her routine -- from school, from her work, from everything that made her her.

wading in the pool now, with colt, all she wanted was more.

before she could find something to say, logan and brent swam by, kicking up water with a splash. “come on!” logan called out as a wave of chlorinated water hit her smack dab in the face, “we’re doing back flips.”

she forced her eyes down and swam off after them, hurrying to put some space between them.

drunk as she was, it was a struggle to even stay afloat.

the semester wrapped up quickly; before she knew it, it was time to start shipping her things down to miami. ellie saw and heard from everyone less and less as she finished her coursework and switched into summer mode, even as the date of logan’s wedding grew closer.

finally it was time to hand her keys over to the girl who’d be subletting her apartment for the summer and catch her flight; when she stepped off the plane she forgot, for a moment, that she wasn’t home in los angeles -- it was humid and sunny and everyone around her looked happy, a far cry from the scene she’d left behind at jfk.

ellie went straight to her summer housing and checked in, a little astonished by how nice the apartment was. there was a pool in the back of the building and the beach was only a short walk away; there were floor-to-ceiling windows exposing the view to her and illuminating every last one of the boxes she’d have to unpack where they were cluttering her new living room floor.

her eyes landed on one marked kitchen stuff and ellie tore into it, using her keys to rip the tape. the still-sealed bottle of dom perignon from the bachelorette party was sitting on top of everything else, wrapped in bubble wrap.

the trip or the heat had probably made it go flat but she pulled it out anyway, sitting on the floor and popping the cork. ellie took a sip from the bottle and grimaced -- all expensive alcohol was disgusting.

she set it on the floor and took a photo for her pictagram story anyway, the boxes and the view in the background. it was only up for a few seconds before her phone screen lit up with an incoming message.

it was colt. dork was all he’d written, when she opened her direct messages. the little animation beneath his words indicated he was typing something else. how is it?

pretty bad she wrote back honestly.

guess i’ll have to work harder to impress you

she stared down at her phone, rereading the words twice before she huffed out a genuine laugh. ellie had been avoiding checking in with most of her friends while she focused on moving, but it felt pretty nice to talk to colt again. the new peace that had settled between them had admittedly been a welcome respite, distracting her from every stressor in her life.

with a shake of her head, she gave in and wrote back guess so.

everyone in the wedding was spending the entire weekend in santa monica, and ellie was grateful for the opportunity to avoid awkward conversation with her dad, heading straight to the hotel when she flew in on the morning of the rehearsal dinner.

things were already in full swing even though it was early in the day when she arrived; though she was exhausted from her flight and the work she’d left behind on the east coast ellie still let ingrid pull her up to her suite to start getting ready together.

one by one the rest of their friends started to trickle in, chatting excitedly about the wedding the next day, and eventually, after they’d gone over saturday’s schedule at least a thousand times, it was late enough in the afternoon that she had to go back to her own hotel room to get dressed for dinner.

ellie was the first of the girls to finish getting ready and logan and the rest of the guys were already downstairs at the lobby bar when she came out of the elevator. logan pulled her into a hug as soon as she got close, kissing her cheek hello.

“are you so excited?” she asked, squeezing his arms, “big day tomorrow.”

“i can’t wait. i know we did this fast but it still feels like we’ve been waiting for forever.” he looked adorably eager. “you look nice, by the way.”

“thank you,” ellie said primly, stepping out of his arms to spin in a circle, the skirt of her dress swishing around the tops of her thighs, “not half bad for an all-nighter and a cross-country flight, eh?”

“thanks for flying out so early. i’m so glad you’re here.” logan called the bartender over as she moved down the line to say hi to the rest of the groomsmen, and when she came back around to his other side to accept the drink he held out to her she noticed there was one person missing from the group.

“where’s colt?”

logan arched an eyebrow at her. her face flushed pink, and then worsened when that voice she could pick out of a crowd said from behind her, “miss me?”

the smart remark that was waiting on the tip of her tongue died when she turned around and saw him. he always wore formalwear well, but something about how he was dressed tonight captured her attention in a way that was impossible to ignore. she swallowed.

“just wondering if tonight might actually be peaceful or not,” she said finally, lifting her eyes from the few buttons that were open on his shirt at the front of his throat to look him in the eyes. “i guess it won’t be.”

he shrugged, leaning around her to signal the bartender for a drink of his own. “i promised i’d behave this weekend.”

“yeah, and you’d better follow through or ingrid’s going to come after us both,” logan grinned, waiting until colt had his glass in his hand before sticking his own in between the three of them. “cheers.”

“cheers,” ellie smiled, clinking her champagne flute delicately against the two rocks glasses in their hands, “congratulations. i’m so happy for you guys.”

“you can back out at any time,” colt said, and then, as ingrid finally walked over and hit him on the shoulder, “ow. what? you can back out, too.”

she linked her arm through logan’s, tilting her face up for a kiss. “no one’s backing out. come on.”

they filed into the restaurant, where everyone’s families were already waiting at one end of the long table. ellie sat down on ingrid’s right and came face-to-face with colt, who was sitting directly across from her at logan’s left. he smirked at her from the other side of the table, bumping his foot into hers underneath the tablecloth.

she kicked him back, turning her cheek to stifle a smile when she saw him wince as soon as her high heel collided with his shin.

dinner was surprisingly pleasant, making her cautiously optimistic for the way the rest of the weekend was going to go. tomorrow was sure to be exhausting, with a full day of primping and photos before the ceremony and reception, and the after party following late into the night, if she knew their group of friends at all.

but it’d probably be pretty fun, too. at least she could start drinking heavily as soon as her toast was over.

though she was woefully sober after the cake had been cut and the night started to wind down, certain that a hangover would be a wrench in tomorrow morning she just didn’t need, with the day ahead of her.

they all took their time saying goodbye and slowly started to head to the elevator. just outside the restaurant door, colt caught her elbow and asked, “wanna go for a walk?”

she stared back at him dumbly. why? “huh?”

“come on, the beach is right there.” his hand slid down her bare arm to curl around her wrist, and he tugged her towards the french doors that would lead them outside onto the hotel’s back patio before she could protest.

ellie slipped off her shoes as they moved down the steps and out into the sand, silent when they both walked off down the beach together. the stretch owned by the hotel was private and closed for the night, so they were the only two people making their way down to the ocean, though she still wasn’t exactly sure for what.

“how’ve you been?” she asked finally, when it felt like it’d been quiet for too long.

“fine. how are your... water samples?”

her eyebrows arched. part of her was amazed he’d remembered, and a little warmed by his thoughtfulness. “um, good,” she answered slowly, “well -- not good, they’re contaminated, but... good for me? to have something to study?”

out of the corner of her eye, ellie saw his lips twitch. it was good to know he still found her embarrassment amusing. “that’s good.”

“are you nervous for your speech tomorrow?” she asked, because she was certainly nervous about hers. his smile spread.

“no.” he’d long since let go of her arm, but colt still only shoved the hand on the other side of his body into his pocket, letting his other arm dangle near hers. “i’m just gonna wing it.”

“you’re going to -- i’m sorry, what?” she demanded, completely horrified. “you cannot just wing it.”

“well, i’m going to,” he shrugged, “so don’t lose sleep over it.”

“oh my god,” ellie groaned, “i feel sick just thinking about it. please tell me you’re joking.”

“you know i’m not,” he laughed, that same soft sound from the night of logan and ingrid’s engagement party, when he’d given her a ride home. her cheeks flushed just thinking about it. “don’t you ever get tired of being so self-righteous?”

“no,” she sniffed, “don’t you ever get tired of being so...”

ellie trailed off as she searched for the right word. colt stopped suddenly and turned in the sand to face her, grinning widely when their eyes locked. “so what?”

arrogant. smug. obnoxious. insufferable. reckless. “so...” she paused, tongue darting out to lick her lips, “well --”

colt leaned in and kissed her before she could decide which word she wanted to settle on. the hand that’d been in his pocket landed on her waist, and he lifted the other to her jaw, cradling her cheek in his palm when he pulled her closer to meet his lips.

she froze. part of her had been expecting this, though it still felt so unbelievably beyond imagining -- colt kaneko was kissing her after they’d spent the last eight years at each other’s throats, and tenderly, too, his lips soft and gentle when they brushed against hers.

ellie sighed quietly into his mouth, then looped her arm around him and kissed him back, sliding her fingers into his hair at the back of his head.

he was a good kisser. not that she’d thought about it, or anything, outside of one or two times --

fine, a few times...

colt snaked his arm fully around her waist and pressed his body in against hers as close as they could get; there was only the sound of the waves on the shore while they kissed for what felt like an eternity, with all the familiarity of two people who’d done this dozens of times before.

there was something about being alone with him that eased the tension being home always brought with it. something about the new calmness in their relationship reminded her of her apartment and new york and the places she’d always felt most like herself, almost like colt understood her and the things she wanted to say but wouldn’t without her even having to say them.

finally, his thumb pressed into the hinge of her jaw and he broke them apart, tipping his forehead against hers to stare into her eyes.

in the dark, with the moon behind him, the depths of his gaze consumed her entirely. ellie worked to catch her breath while staring back at him seriously, though there was surely some shock on her expression.

“um,” she said finally. “i --”

he swept her into another kiss and she was grateful for the chance to collect her thoughts before being expected to say something, though every last one she had left her abruptly when their lips met again. all she could focus on was how good the kiss was -- how it felt like giving into something she’d been holding off on allowing for far too long.

this time, when he pushed her away, he spoke up. “do you want me to apologize?”

ellie realized her fingers were still curled into his hair and forced them to relax. she dropped her hand onto his shoulder. “no.” her eyes lingered on the minute upturn at the corners of his mouth. “an explanation would be helpful, though.”

the hand colt had on the small of her back dipped lower. she raised her eyebrows at him again. “i want to spend the night with you,” he said bluntly, “if you want.”

she pretended to think about it, even though she already knew what her answer would be. judging by the look on colt’s face, he knew she was only acting, too, though he stayed quiet for once and let her go through the motions of looking back at the hotel in thoughtful consideration. “yeah,” she said finally, with a nod, “let’s go to your room.”

colt’s room was on the other side of the hotel, and he’d forgotten to pull the heavy-duty shades shut the night before, so the sun filtered in through the gauzy curtains and hit her in the face early, waking her up before she was ready.

ellie rubbed at her eyes and took in the sight before her: the muscled arm slung across her waist was attached to a set of broad shoulders and a sculpted torso, though colt was sleeping on his stomach so she could only see his back, the sheet draped low over his hips.

his face was squished into the pillow and he was still peacefully asleep, his breathing even and quiet beside her.

she stared at him for a few seconds before a deep sense of dread started to set in, filling her with slowly dawning horror.

you slept with colt kaneko! her brain screamed unhelpfully at her, like she didn’t already know. what the fuck were you thinking?

okay. this was fixable. all she had to do was get to her clothes and get out of his room before he woke up. she could make it back to her suite before anyone noticed she was gone, right?

his body stirred beside her as soon as she shifted to the edge of the mattress. ellie watched colt’s arm slip off her waist and stared as his eyes slowly blinked open, his jaw cracking with a yawn. “hey,” he murmured, voice thick with sleep and perfectly cozy-sounding, halting her progress out of the bed and almost enough to make her turn right back around. “what time is it?”

“seven,” she returned just as quietly, and he flopped back against the pillow with a groan, scrubbing a hand down his face.

“the fuck are you doing up?” he grumbled. “christ.”

ellie shifted another inch to the edge of the bed. “we need to all start getting ready soon. pictures are at two.”

“it’s seven,” he sighed, “she can’t possibly expect you to --”

“she does.”

colt groaned again, louder this time. he rolled onto his back and pressed both palms against his face, then pushed his hands through his hair. “we’ll get up in ten minutes,” he declared decisively, dropping his cheek into the side of the pillow. his eyes were half-lidded when they landed on her. “come here.”

ellie hesitated at the edge of the bed, biting her lip.

that was probably a mistake.

she cleared her throat, averting her eyes. maybe all of this had been a mistake. it was so unlike her -- flirting with him, kissing him on the beach, having a one night stand. he’d never even liked her before she started doing all of these things that felt so wildly out of character for her. in fact, he’d always hated her.

what the fuck did he think they were doing, anyway?

panic was starting to set in, hot and desperate. “i should really get going,” she said, then stood and snatched her dress up off the floor before she could be sucked in by the curve of him against the mattress. “ingrid’s going to wonder where i am.”

there was complete and total silence as she pulled her clothes back on quickly, piece by piece. finally, colt said, “okay. i’ll see you later.”

his voice was slow -- carefully measured. ellie didn’t look at him before double checking to make sure she had her phone and room key and nodding blindly in the direction of the bed, doing her best to keep her voice faux-chipper. “totally,” she called out mindlessly, rushing out the door.

her chest squeezed tight with anxiety and refused to relent for the entirety of the morning. ellie found herself fighting off a meltdown through hair and makeup, through hours of gushing over ingrid and how beautiful she looked, through a session with the photographer in the bridal suite.

her thoughts were elsewhere during the group photos with everyone. it took every effort not to look colt’s way when they all got together before the ceremony to take so many pictures her face was hurting from maintaining her fake smile.

still, her mind drifted. the part of her that was adamant she’d made the right decision couldn’t seem to quiet the little voice beneath it wondering what if, her curiosity needling her brain incessantly.

now she’d never know what he might’ve been about to say or do. she wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of having two pieces of her life that didn’t fit together -- new york and school and los angeles and colt -- because there was no knowing if anything would’ve even come from it.

maybe that’s for the best, said the larger, more rational part of her brain.

all the excuses she’d used a thousand times before came back to her at once. she was too busy to date, probably, and ill-equipped to have a boyfriend. guys she’d dated in the past had complained about her being hot and cold, either clingy or distant depending on where she was with school or in her professional life. the only parts of herself she could actually tolerate most of the time seemed to be the biggest turn-offs: she was too driven, too focused on her passion projects.

each word felt hollow, now. maybe she hadn’t done the right thing.

ellie’s pulse raced dangerously as everyone lined up at the edge of the cliff for the outdoor ceremony. she and colt stood just behind logan, side-by-side.

he wasn’t looking at her. her stomach twisted unhappily.

she gently reached out to touch his arm. her voice was barely a murmur when she leaned in close and said, “hey, can i talk to you?”

colt looked down at her like she was insane. in front of them, logan started down the aisle. “now’s not really a good time.”

fuck. she was almost definitely going to lose her nerve, but he was right. she pursed her lips, looping her arm through his. her free hand clutched her flowers tightly.

colt felt stiff beside her, at odds with the easy way he’d held her last night. she used all her focus not to trip as they walked down the aisle together and then separated on either side of the altar, the both of them looking anywhere else but at each other.

fortunately, the ceremony provided a welcome distraction from her swirling thoughts. logan and ingrid had written their own vows, and she cried the entire time they spoke to each other, tears silently dripping down her cheeks as she watched two of her oldest friends profess their love.

even the poem ingrid’s sister read made her heart skip a beat, her bottom lip wobbling through the ceremony until the officiant finally pronounced them husband and wife.

ellie was still smiling through tears after they’d kissed and started back down the aisle together. she forgot to be nervous about walking with colt until he took her arm in his and said, “seriously?”

then everything that had happened rushed back to her at once, and she was uneasy and miserable again.

“come on,” ellie sniffed, dabbing delicately at her eyes, “that was beautiful.”

“it was something,” he mumbled, so quietly the excited din of the crowd nearly drowned him out. “i’ll catch up with you later.”

he dropped her arm as soon as he possibly could, disappearing into the venue. ellie watched everyone through the glass windows for a moment before following him inside with a sigh.

bathroom, then bar. even if the first thing she needed was a large glass of wine, the absolute last thing she needed was smudged mascara. everything else could wait.

it was almost the end of the cocktail hour when logan found her at the bar. ellie grinned at him wholeheartedly and passed him the champagne flute she’d taken for herself, signaling for another.

“thanks,” he said, reaching out to squeeze her arm, “like, a thousand people have already tried talking to me. you never told me this was going to be so exhausting.”

“getting married is a huge deal,” ellie laughed, “of course every single person here wants to talk to you. you’re going to be making the rounds all night.”

“just -- keep me occupied for a few more minutes,” he said, gaze darting around the room, “make it look like we’re having a really serious talk. start with whatever put that look on your face.”

“i don’t have a look on my face,” she argued, though she knew it was futile.

logan arched his eyebrows at her. “ellie.”

“what?” she asked. she shuffled her feet anxiously and then continued, “look, i’m sure colt already told you we slept together last night, so --”

logan started coughing, spitting champagne back into his glass. he set it down on the bar with wide eyes. “oh my god, you what?”

ellie felt her own eyes bug out to match. “he didn’t tell you?”

“no,” logan hissed, then coughed again. “what do you mean you slept together last night?”

“um,” ellie started, her voice high as she swiveled her eyes to the ceiling, “well...”

“jesus, i can’t believe he finally went for it.”

she slowly lowered her gaze back to his. her brow furrowed in confusion. “what?”

“oh, man. he’s liked you for forever. i didn’t think he was ever going to...” logan trailed off as he caught sight of the expression on her face, which cycled from confusion to realization to horror so quickly it made her head spin. “wait, how’d you guys leave it?”

“um,” she said again, cringing, “well...”

“yikes.” logan matched her look with a wince. “you should probably talk to him.”

she wandered into the ballroom as if in a daze. ellie found her seat at the table with the bridal party and breathed a sigh of relief once she noticed colt was far away from her at the other end -- at least ingrid had done her one favor.

after the toast, she told herself with a nod, i’ll talk to him.

after the toast she could have the hard drink she’d need to get through the conversation. they could take a few minutes to themselves.

but first she had to actually get through the toast, and that meant sitting politely while colt gave the best man speech, which he did unflappably well, of course, even though he hadn’t prepared for it at all.

ellie was reminded all at once what’d made her hate him in the first place: colt was good at everything without having to worry about it. in college, he’d effortlessly pulled perfect grades in even the most impossible classes; tonight was no different. he made jokes that landed perfectly with the crowd, getting the appropriate amount of laughs, and finished with something surprisingly sentimental that garnered lots of applause -- both ingrid and logan beamed at him when he sat down again.

and she had to go next.

she pointedly ignored him as she stood with her glass. “hey, everyone. i’m ellie. for those of you who don’t know me, ingrid and i met on the very first day of college -- eight years ago. i’d just turned eighteen and i was away from home for the first time. i actually bumped into ingrid in the parking lot...”

ellie hit all the marks, too: what she loved about her friends, what made them perfect for each other. “-- and i knew he was the one just from the way she’d talk about him. she always got so giddy, it was like there was a whole other side of her i’d never seen before. every day she’d have something new to say about him: ‘oh, logan said this,’ and, ‘oh, logan showed me that’ --”

everyone was crying by the time she wrapped up. ingrid blew her a kiss as she lifted her glass into the air, and ellie grinned brightly back at her and logan before the band came back on and she could finally sit down again.

the girls around her were gushing about how good her toast had been, but ellie leaned around them to catch colt’s eye at the other end of the table.

her eyebrows lifted meaningfully. she nodded at the dance floor.

colt rolled his eyes. she watched him shake his head.

ellie thrust her bottom lip out into a pout.

he looked sort of close to smiling, setting a swarm of butterflies loose in her stomach. it was both better and more dangerous than the thought of him being angry at her had been. later, he mouthed, turning away before she could frown at him any harder.

that was fine. it’d give her a little more time to work up her nerve -- hopefully.

she grabbed ingrid on her way back to the bar.

“oh my god, i can’t believe you,” ingrid sighed, squeezing her tight in a huge hug, “that was only the most beautiful toast of all time. you ruined my makeup, you bitch!”

“okay, you still look perfect,” ellie argued, squeezing her hand, “you’re the most beautiful bride ever. don’t even start.”

ingrid sighed wistfully, looking off towards the sweetheart table at the front of the ballroom. “i am pretty beautiful, huh?”

“are you kidding?” ellie demanded, “the whole thing was gorgeous.”

ingrid’s grin sharpened. out of nowhere, she said, “logan told me you totally fucked colt last night.”

“shhhh!” ellie cast a glance around desperately, but they were blessedly alone at the bar. “oh my god, i didn’t --”

“yeah, right. why didn’t you tell me?!”

“it’s your wedding day,” she laughed, “i wanted to -- i don’t know. it just happened, it was weird.”

“what’s he like?” she asked, passing ellie a glass of champagne.

“can we not do this?” ellie ducked her head behind the glass, trying to hide her flushed face. “isn’t it time for your first dance?”

ingrid waved her hand dismissively. “in a minute. so? spill!”

“oh my god, it was obviously incredible,” she mumbled into her champagne, “now get out of my face, this is exactly why i didn’t tell you.”

“fine, but we are so not done talking about this.” she reached out and tugged on one of the neat curls of her hair before linking her arm through ellie’s to walk back to the front of the ballroom together. “and you’d better save me a dance.”

she didn’t get her moment alone with colt until after the entrees. ellie had given up on trying to catch his eye, so she was surprised when he walked over and said, “i’ll take that dance, now, if you can stop crying long enough to make it happen.”

“people with souls cry at weddings,” she huffed, standing and taking his hand in hers, “i’m sorry you can’t relate.”

“you’re forgiven,” he smirked, so that she could almost pretend there was absolutely nothing weird going on between them as they walked out onto the dance floor.

but his expression shifted when the song changed and her hands laced together behind his neck, absolving her of that illusion near-immediately. she cleared her throat as his hands settled on her hips and they started to sway together.

“i’m sorry,” she said again, more seriously this time.

he pursed his lips, then shrugged. “for what?”

“for being weird this morning. i don’t know what you were going to say -- um, if you were going to say anything, but i totally freaked out and i obviously didn’t even give you a chance to get to it, so. that was uncool. sorry.”

colt’s gaze was calculating on hers. she wondered what he was thinking. “don’t worry about it,” he said finally. “it’s nothing.”

she drew in a deep breath. well, if he wasn’t going to give her an inch... “logan said you’ve always liked me.”

ellie watched as his eyes narrowed. “logan’s lucky today’s his wedding day,” colt murmured darkly. his hands tightened on her hips briefly, then released. he turned his head and leveled his glare on her. “so?”

“so -- i thought you hated me,” she laughed, that thread of nervousness back again. “you never -- i mean, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

he rolled his eyes at her. “okay, you’re always, like -- smiling and happy and constantly surrounded by people. when we were in school you were in, like, student government and on debate team and running a thousand clubs or doing extra lab hours and everyone always liked you -- so you wanted me to, what, exactly? just walk right up to you and be like, hey, do you want to see a movie?”

ellie gaped at him, her mouth open in shock. “i -- yes! you could have just asked me out.”

“right,” colt snorted, “that would’ve gone over well. you thought i was a total asshole.”

“colt, you were a total asshole,” she reminded him.

he shifted back and forth on his feet. ellie stared in fascination as the tips of his ears went red when he dipped his head to avert his eyes. “i didn’t want you think i had a crush on you or anything.”

it felt a lot like she was having an out-of-body experience. “well... did you have a crush on me?”

colt cleared his throat. “you weren’t like everyone else,” he said, in lieu of an answer, “you’re still not. but i get that you’re busy. this doesn’t have to be, like, a thing.”

“hang on, i’m still processing.” whatever this was, it was officially bizarre.

it seemed impossible to wrap her head around what he’d just admitted: that he’d always liked her, even at her most neurotic, at the most school-obsessed, five-year-plan focused she’d ever been.

so she didn’t have to change.

for once, it didn’t feel like she needed to put up some front that was, frankly, exhausting to maintain.

everything just felt -- nice.

“done yet?” he demanded, “the song’s almost over.”

ellie leaned in and kissed him, uncaring of anyone who might see. his hands were warm over the cutouts in the dress at her sides and she was breathless when they finally broke apart, long after the song had changed.

the look on colt’s face was a mixture of self-satisfied and surprised when he pulled her off the dance floor and out onto the terrace. “i am busy,” ellie said, once they were alone.

colt nodded, looking out at the view of the beach below them. “i know.”

“but -- if you really don’t mind that i have to split my focus with school... and the distance... and the time difference...”

“are you trying to talk me out of it?” he asked, sounding amused.

“...then obviously i’d love to date you or whatever.”

“huh.” colt was smiling as he stared at the ocean. “i guess i probably should have just asked out you five years ago, then.”

“it might’ve been easier,” ellie allowed, shifting to lean her shoulder against his. she reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. “but that’s not really our style.”

colt turned and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “true,” he hummed, and then, “you smell like you have a whole can of hairspray in your hair.”

“i probably do.” she hesitated, looking down at their joined hands. “are you sure you want to do this?”

“yeah.” ellie looked back up at him and found colt’s eyes still stuck thoughtfully on the view. “i’ve wanted to for a really long time.”

“that’s so crazy to me.”

“why?” he finally turned and looked at her, his gaze no less intense than it had been last night by the ocean. “ingrid’s right. you are a catch. it’s crazy to me that you’ve stayed single all this time.”

“well, i was --” she bit the inside of her cheek to avoid again using the word busy, and then pivoted to a more uncomfortably honest answer, “-- never interested in compromising. before now.”

his lips spread into a smile. she felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of it, soft and genuine and open on his face. “figures i’d be the one to break your streak,” colt said, in that same overconfident way she always used to hate.

“oh my god, do not start,” she huffed, using their joined hands to push his side until he stumbled a step away.

colt retaliated by spinning her around and pulling her in close, trapping her against the ledge of the balcony before she could move. “why?” he challenged, “what are you going to do about it?”

she was going to kiss that stupid smirk right off his face, for one.

and he was going to spend the night dancing with her and later hold back her hair when she had too much to drink.

then they’d both spend most of sunday in bed, skipping brunch with the rest of their friends to put the hours before her flight to better use.

colt would drive her to the airport. they would say their goodbyes on the curb.

and she would be too excited to sleep on the trip back to miami.

“just wait,” she threatened, though her voice was sweet; she tilted her chin up to brush their noses together. “you’ll see. i have it all planned out.”

the look in his eyes made her feel like she was doing something dangerous; colt looked both fond and delighted, content and sweet and sure. his free hand lifted to thumb at her cheekbone, like part of him was still surprised to find the both of them out here, wrapped up together like they were.

“i’ll bet,” he returned, his voice low and full of promise. “that work ethic is one of the things i like most about you.”

“you’ll have to give me a list of the rest,” ellie laughed, eager to hear his take on it all from what was arguably the most unique perspective in their friend group.

“eh, you can wait,” colt shrugged, gently pressing her in along the stone ledge behind her back on the balcony, leaning over her with another grin, “there’s a few other things we have to catch up on first.”

fair point, she thought, though she’d be damned if she ever actually agreed with him out loud. she had a lot to fill him in on, too.

he’d probably waited long enough, though, so ellie folded first and gave him that kiss she’d planned, colt’s smirk dissolving as expected when his mouth pressed against hers.

when they finally broke apart and turned to head back inside, they drew up short outside the doors to the balcony. every last one of their friends was standing in front of the glass facade, staring at them, their eyes wide and their mouths open. ingrid and logan in particular looked unreasonably overjoyed.

“christ,” colt sighed, as ellie instantly flushed bright red beside him, “is this what this is going to be like all the time?”

“no take backs,” she said, squeezing his hand. she turned to look up at him just in time to catch his eye roll, and the subsequent glare that made the group watching them from behind the door scatter with raucous laughter.

“fine,” he answered, sounding put-upon, but she hadn’t looked away yet and so she still caught the private smile that tugged his lips up against his will.

perfect, ellie thought to herself, and then, for the first time in as long as she could remember, nothing else -- no self-doubt, no exhaustion, no pretending.

colt was probably going to have to help her get used to how it felt to have everything she wanted.

#rodaw #colt kaneko #colt kaneko x mc #choices rod #ellie wheeler #colt kaneko x ellie wheeler #myfic #long post #i love this trope................. too much #GOD i'm so glad i finished this in time !!#there's nothing n/s/f/w in here by the way #the 18+ rating is for swearing lol #and the implication of sex #but we did a tasteful fade to black ladies #also if you ever mentioned wanting to read this you got tagged lol hope that's okay !!#ride or die

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p-artsypants · 3 years ago

Text

I Do...I Guess? (5)

Guadosalam

Ao3 | FF.net

The city of Guadosalam was made of thousands and thousands of interwoven tree roots. No leaves, just roots. Just like the Guado themselves, nature seemed to stretch and twist in the most peculiar of ways.

Though, none of this was really digested before a Guado man called out to them.

“Lady Yuna! The High Summoner Lord Seymour has been expecting you! I am Tromell, the steward to His Grace. Please won’t you come with me?”

Yuna seemed flustered. “Lord Seymour wants to see me?”

“Most fervently! We expected you last night, as far as travel time goes.”

“Our apologies,” said Lulu, “we were delayed at the Moonflow by a Shoopuf stomach ache.”

“Nevertheless,” said Tromell, “you’re here now, so come!”

Startled by the bluntness of the Guado, the party was whisked off into the city. The city was made up of overlapping bridges and tunnels, all still made of tree roots.

“I wonder if this is what being a rabbit is like.” Tidus mused.

Tromell escorted them to a manor in the middle of the city, with a grand staircase that wrapped around both sides of the room.

“Wait here, a moment,” Tromell prompted, before disappearing under the stairs.

Auron nudged Tidus closer to Yuna. “Stay near her. I have a bad feeling.”

“Oh yeah? Yevon rub you the wrong way too?”

“I’ve been in Zanarkand for a very long time. Things change. Opinions change. Status of power changes.”

“Vague, but threatening.”

Yuna looked at Auron. “You don’t think Maester Seymour is a bad person, do you?”

“People with power can abuse power, priests of Yevon have power. That’s all I’m saying.”

Tidus laid a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Yuna. Maybe he’s just going to congratulate us, or give you some tips. Or something.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Lulu nudged Tidus, and pointed to a series of portraits on the wall in front of them. “History lesson, for the oh so important husband of the summoner.”

“Lay it on me.”

“These are the leaders of the Guado, the last on the end is Lord Jsycal, father of Seymour.”

“Wow, they all look the same.”

“Now look at this side.”

The line of portraits trailed off to show Seymour, but next to his predecessors, it was obvious how different he looked.

“Why doesn’t he look like the rest of the Guado?”

“That would be because he’s half human. Lord Jsycal married a human woman, and brought the Yevon faith to the Guado.”

“Wait, so they haven’t always been a part of Yevon?”

“No. Only about twenty years now. They are the guardians of the Farplane, and Macalania woods. They convened with nature, and the pyreflies.”

“Okay,” Tidus held up his hands. “That was a lot of information you just threw at me. What about them guarding the Farplane? Are you being literal?”

“Completely. There’s a gate here, in Guadosalam, that allows us a brief glimpse into the Farplane.”

“We can go there later,” Yuna stated. “I heard it’s an emotional experience.”

“That’s…crazy.” He ended with.

Tromell reappeared. “The dining room is ready. Please, help yourselves to the food. You must be famished. Lord Seymour will be with you shortly.” He gestured them down a hallway.

“For twisting our arms and making us rush here, there’s sure a lot of waiting,” Rikku remarked.

“If we keep getting delayed like this, we’ll reach Gagazet too late in the season, and have to wait until the spring thaw.” Auron added, with much bitterness.

“I think that’s a little far…” Yuna offered. “We still have a few weeks before the ice sets in.”

“And who knows how long Zanarkand will take? What if we make it over the mountain, but not back over before the ice sets in? You don’t want to be trapped in those ruins for several months.” Auron argued. “We press on, and if the timing is too close, we stay with the Ronso, or come up with alternate plans.”

“I guess I hadn’t been thinking about the mountain ice,” Yuna offered shyly. “I didn’t think the pilgrimage would take that long.”

“It shouldn’t,” agreed Lulu, “but if we keep getting stopped like this…”

“Hey, no worries. We’ll make up time somehow. And if we have to stay with the Ronso…that can’t be all that bad. Kimahri can get us in with his family.”

“Kimahri leave Ronso tribe. Runt of litter, shamed by brothers.”

“Oh.”

“We have a while before we even get to Gagazet, so let’s all just chill out, okay?” Rikku offered.

The group fanned out, taking their concerns to each corner of the room. There were several tables of food, each stacked higher than the one before.

“The Guado may be blunt,” said Rikku, “but they sure do know how to make someone feel at home!”

“Guado food, mostly plants.” Kimahri muttered to himself as he picked over a fruit tray.

“Hey,” Yuna brought a plate over to Tidus. “Look what I made!”

It looked like an open faced sandwich, with cheese and tomato slices.

“Hmm looks good?” He offered.

“It’s for you! It’s pizza!”

His eyes widened. Indeed, she had remembered his instructions from the night before. Oh how vague he had been.

“Aw! Yuna, this is wonderful. Sorry I didn’t recognize it at first. I didn’t really describe it that well last night.”

“No?”

“Well, first of all, it’s cooked. Usually in a wood stove. The dough is soft, then you add tomato sauce, and then shredded cheese and other toppings. You bake it until it’s melted and golden brown.”

“Oh…” she looked sad. “Well, I don’t have an oven…”

He held her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. One day, I’ll make you a proper pizza.” He took the plate from her. “I’m going to eat this anyway, because it was the nicest gesture anyone has made for me…in like, forever. Thank you.”

Yuna smiled broadly.

“My my,” spoke a smarmy voice from the door. “So many guests, it’s been so long.” Seymour entered the room, and offered a bow, which only half the party returned.

“You wanted to speak to me?” Yuna asked, humbly.

“Yes, My Lady Yuna. First, I would like to share something with you and your party.”

Immediately, the room erupted in a glowing light. A hologram, projecting a huge city, filled the room.

“Zanarkand!” Tidus exclaimed, recognizing it immediately.

“Correct, the Holy City, as it appeared a thousand years ago. These images are gathered from memories from the Farplane”

“Amazing machina…” Rikku whispered to herself, more about the hologram program than the ancient depictions.

“You recognized it so quickly,” Said Yuna.

“Sure!” He pointed out a tall building. “This is a condo, and this one here is a bank. This one has a grocer on the bottom that sells really good chicken sandwiches.”

Wakka and Seymour both looked at him curiously, but said nothing.

Instead, Seymour drew attention to himself. “She lived here, all those years ago.”

“Who?”

The hologram changed, this time to a bedroom, with a woman sitting on the bed.

“Oh, Lady Yunalesca!” Yuna explained.

“The first to defeat Sin. Your namesake. Your destiny!”

Tidus gave the others in the room a quick glance. Rikku met it and rolled her eyes.

“Um, my father named me that. But I think he just liked the name.”

“You do not believe in destiny, My Lady?”

A holographic man in armor entered the room, opening his arms wide to embrace his wife.

Seymour looked at the couple with longing. “Two hearts bonded for eternity, unflappable loyalty and love. This truly was the key to stopping the unbeatable Sin.”

Now Tidus turned his gaze to scrutinize Seymour. He was looking at Yuna in that way again, the eyes of a predator.

Yuna seemed to squirm under that gaze.

“Lady Yuna, I would be honored if I could speak to you in private?” He gestured to a corner room as the hologram faded.

“I…uh…” Yuna stuttered.

Auron shoved Tidus forward. “He goes with. That’s all the privacy we will allow.”

Seymour looked disappointed, but beckoned them both along to the little room.

“What is this all about, Your Grace?” Yuna asked.

Tidus stayed silent, but right at her side.

“Seymour is fine, My Lady. If I can return the favor?”

“Yuna is fine as well, and this is Tidus.”

Seymour didn’t seem to care. “I am ever so grateful that you granted me an audience. I know being a summoner is a busy ordeal—“

“Would you just spit it out, already?” Tidus muttered.

“Something the matter, Sir…?”

“Tidus,” he repeated, like he hadn’t just been introduced. “I’m sorry. We’ve had a…stressful day, and we’re anxious to get on with our journey.” He tried to be polite, but there were just too many red flags flying in his face.

“I understand. Then, I will not beat around the bush anymore. Yuna, I believe it is for the benefit of Spira that you and I wed.”

She jolted. “What?!”

“Think of the joy it would bring. A maester of Yevon, and a High Summoner, bonded in Holy Bliss! Would it not bless Spira? I would only aim to aid in your Journey as well.”

“I…” Yuna just stared in shock, her mouth fighting for words.

Tidus, while never the one to back down from a fight, had a feeling that Seymour would ignore him if he protested. So he rested his hand on Yuna’s shoulder, and gave her strength.

She took a breath and found her center. “While I am extremely flattered you would ask this of me, I must decline. I am already married, you see. Tidus is my husband.”

Seymour frowned, and his steely blue eyes flashed with a definite hate in Tidus’ direction. “You were not married at the Mi’ihen Operation, though.”

“We were engaged.” Tidus fudged the timeline. Yuna didn’t object.

“So you’ve only been married, what? A few days?”

“About two,” Yuna clarified. “The ceremony was performed at the Djose Temple.”

This made Seymour smile. “Only two days? Then there’s nothing to worry about. The records wouldn’t have made it to Bevelle yet, and we can easily annul the whole thing.”

“HA!” Tidus laughed. “Annulment?! Are you serious? Like we would ever—…” he stopped when he noticed that Yuna was thinking it over. “Yuna, we wouldn’t…right?”

She looked at him, lost, totally thrown for a loop. “I don’t know.”

This angered him. “You don’t know!? It should be obvious! Unless you regret this? Regret me?”

“That’s not…I only meant…”

Seymour hummed. “I can see this isn’t an easy decision for you both. Of course, an annulment must be mutually agreed on. I’ll leave you two to discuss it. I hope you reach the right decision, Sir Tidus.” And the bastard left.

Tidus let out a yell, which startled Yuna. Then he followed it with, “Who does he think he is?! Thinking I’d go along with whatever he wants just because he’s a Maester! Disgusting!”

Yuna hunched her shoulders and clasped her hands in front of her chest.

“Well? What’s it going to be?” He asked, tone much harsher than he intended.

“If it would be for the good of Spira—“

“No. Yuna. I’m not married to Spira, I’m married to you. Use terms like ‘I think’ and ‘I feel’ don’t just…regurgitate things that have been said to you!”

She flushed, and turned her back to him. “I need some water.”

He went to the door and opened it for her, taking deep breaths with each step. “Sure, let’s get you some water.” He tried to keep his voice steady.

Out in the parlor, Seymour loitered with the rest of the party. When the door opened, they all turned to look.

“You okay, brodda? We heard you scream.”

“Peachy. Just peachy.”

Yuna walked with purpose to the drink table and downed a glass of water.

“What about you, Yunie? Your face is all red.”

“Lord Seymour asked me to marry him,” She said sternly.

“And?” Asked Auron, “you’re already married.”

“But only recently, there’s still time for an annulment,” Seymour prodded again.

“Yes, the High Summoner gave up her marriage to someone she really cared about to marry for politics. Sounds very romantic and I’m sure Spira will love to hear it.” Auron bit. “Yuna and Tidus were married so that Yuna could have a support pillar during her journey, not so that the world could feel a little better for a day. When it all comes down to it, Sin must be defeated, and this is a distraction.”

Tidus was going to hug that man the first minute they were alone.

“But easing the suffering of Spira is the job of the summoners. Even if it was just a little while, Yuna has the ability to do so, and should act on it.” Seymour offered, with a grin that seemed pleasant. Then he tilted his head as he studied Auron. “If you’ll excuse me Sir. Why are you still here?”

Auron did not answer.

“Forgive me, we Guado are very keen to the Farplane scent.”

“If you saw what I saw, you’d be drenched in the Farplane too.” He answered coldly.

Then Seymour noticed Rikku, who had been doing her best to stay in the background. He frowned again, “And an Al Bhed as a guardian to a summoner? Isn’t that rather unbecoming, Lady Yuna?”

“An Al Bhed?!” Wakka blurted, before whirling to look at Rikku. “You’re—?”

“Yes…”

“She can’t be a guardian! She doesn’t believe in Yevon!”

“Yuna wanted her as a guardian. That’s all that matters,” Auron challenged.

“Are you kidding? Al Bhed aren't allowed in the temples! How is she supposed to be a guardian? And just because you’re the most experienced one here, doesn’t mean you get to be the ultimate authority, ya?”

“Kimahri not like situation.”

“No kidding. I need some air.” Tidus left, without so much as an ‘excuse me’. He rushed out of the mansion, passing a smug Seymour, and doing everything in his body to not punch his lights out.

Outside, Tidus climbed the bridge to the Farplane entrance, and sat on the edge, legs dangling.

“Damn Seymour.” He muttered. How quickly everything had dissolved. A few well placed questions and everyone was at each other's throats. Why bring up Rikku being an Al Bhed? Was he just trying to get everyone to doubt Yuna’s judgement?

How gross.

“It’s not you, you know.” Yuna interrupted his thoughts. She knelt on the bridge next to him.

“What? Is this the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech?”

“No, because it’s really not you that’s at fault. You’ve been wonderful, Tidus. I’ve never been married before, but you’re the best husband I could ask for.”

“Then what? Was our marriage just…a game to you? Just something fun to do on the journey? And now that someone with power comes along, you want to ditch me? For a marriage with meaning?!”

“That’s a very cruel thing to say.”

He growled to himself, pulling on his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m just—“ he sighed, finding a piece of patience. “Do you remember that girl I told you about? She and I were seeing each other in Zanarkand?”

“Yes?”

“Well…she did something like this before. Not marriage. But she would…break up with me. And she’d go and date someone else for a while, and then when it didn’t work out, she’d come and declare we were dating again. And I never tried dating anyone else in those breaks, because the pain of her rejection always hurt. She would just…try for something better, and she knew that when it didn’t work out, I’d be there waiting.”

“That’s awful.”

“It is. It sucked. I know this isn’t the same thing, though. You don’t love Seymour. You don’t even like him, do you?”

“Love’s got nothing to do with it. I have to do what’s right for Spira.”

“You’re already doing something huge for Spira by going on this pilgrimage! And we’re going to defeat Sin! Isn’t that enough?”

“Tidus...I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I was using you. I care a lot about you, or else I wouldn’t have asked. But...I rushed into our marriage. I don’t want to make any decisions I regret. I want my journey to be meaningful.”

“I thought you wanted it to be full of laughter?”

She paused, staring at him. The words went unsaid. If they got their annulment and she married Seymour, there would be no more laughter.

“I think I want to see my father,” she said. “He’ll have some answers for me.”

Tidus shrugged, noncommittally.

“I’ll go see if everyone else is ready to visit the Farplane.”

Kimahri had followed Yuna, as was his way, and he stood back silently as they talked. When she rose to leave, he came over and rubbed Tidus’s head.

“Hey!”

“For what it worth, Kimahri like Tidus for Yuna. More than anyone.” That was all he said, and all he ever needed to say.

Tidus swallowed thickly, emotion bubbling up inside of him.

Was he losing his wife to someone she didn’t even love?

Why did he care? This wasn’t a marriage of love either. It was a bucket list item. She was really giving him an out.

So why did he want to fight so bad?

Auron rubbed his head, just like Kimahri had. “Are you crying? I heard you’re quite the cry baby.”

“I’m not crying.”

“Sure.”

“But I appreciate you standing up for me.”

“I wasn’t necessarily standing up for you, more just against this whole thing. I don’t know what Seymour’s aim is. He certainly has enough fame and notoriety. And bringing up Rikku’s lineage? Low blow.”

Just then, Rikku and Wakka came out of the mansion, arguing. Lulu stood nearby, arms crossed, maybe as a mediator. Yuna stood a few paces back, looking anxious.

“How can you say that Machina is harmless when it’s very clearly the cause of Sin?!”

“It’s not clearly the problem if it’s still allowed by Yevon!”

“Only some things are allowed! And only if we use them humbly and for help, not to rise to power. Those weapons you people used at Operation Mi’ihen is probably the reason Sin came there in the first place!”

“First of all, I had nothing to do with that Operation. My family thought it was a bad idea, and we stayed away. Second of all, they had a Sinspawn as bait, so don’t place the blame on a few cannons!”

Auron spoke up. “Rikku! Wakka! That’s enough! You’ll never agree on this, and arguing is pointless. You both want to protect Yuna, right?”

“Yeah,” said Wakka.

“Yes!” Said Rikku.

“Then that’s what matters. Do that, and you’ll get along great.”

“Really duct taping the team back together, aren’t we, Chief?” Tidus asked, with much sarcasm.

“I could just let them yell at each other in the street. Then everyone in Guadosalam will know Lady Yuna travels with a band of hooligans.”

“Kimahri not a hooligan. Kimahri is Ronso.”

Tidus smiled at him. “Okay big guy.”

Lulu rounded up the two combatants and Yuna, like they were baby ducklings, and corralled them up towards Tidus.

“To the Farplane then?”

“To the Farplane.” Yuna said, the only one with any enthusiasm.

As everyone walked on ahead, Tidus fell into step beside Yuna. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry for yelling.”

“Don’t apologize. You were justified in your anger.”

They walked a while in silence, slowing their steps to put distance between them and the others.

“I just want you to know…this marriage means more to me than I thought it would. I get that it was for convenience and to fulfill a pipe dream, but I like being with you. I liked waking up next to you the other night.” He flushed. “Um, what I’m trying to say is that if you’re trying to give me an out, or an excuse to leave, don’t. I’m content to stay.” Then he sighed and took her hand. “But if getting an annulment and marrying Seymour is what you want and what will make your journey easier, then I’ll let you go.”

She squeezed his hand back. “I appreciate it. I’ll have your answer after I speak with my father.”

#Final Fantasy #Final Fantasy X #tidus x yuna #tidus #yuna #final fantasy tidus #fanfiction #I Do...I guess?

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