#wed probably still be on the call right now hhh

[angelicstalker]

Hhh

[kaebedom-me]

We believe in Cheaya supremacy 😖😩🥵 Can I have some wedding headcanon plz🥺

YEEESSS CHAEYA SUPREMACY I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE THIS ONE

LESGO LES FU CK ON G GO!!!!!!!!

Pplspls,, im os fuckong sofft.... Chaeya wedding I'm,,, thnak you so so os much fot requesting this I'm gomma cry

Chaeya wedding...... I-

Childe's the one that proposes bet

Kaeya.. It takes a while for him to answer, i don't see him immediately accepting the proposal immediately even if they head over heels deeply in love with each other

Cuz Kaeya thinks he has issues and honestly why would someone as influential and spectacular and gorgeous as Childe?? want??? to marry him???????

I also think they're pretty communicative people? Like sure Childe's the type to spring up proposals out of no where

Especially during like a fight with a really strong opponent w Kaeya he just "marry me" out of no where

He's the type to do that, yes, but he also is pretty in tuned w Kaeya so he knows Kaeya might want to talk about it too

Like after a really nice date or smth? Or after a very sweet knock the air out of your lungs sex he just kinda softly asks if he can propose to Kaeya

They'll talk about it and it'll be awhile before Kaeya says yes to being proposed to?

Then Childe will propose uwu and even then it'll be a Soft™ proposal done in private or where its just the two of them

Okokok before i get carried away here's the actual wedding hcs because I'm trailing off to proposal hcs

[eyes emoji]

They would probably have a spring wedding

The weather isn't too cold or hot

Childe!! Wants a big wedding the biggest!!!!!! Everyone's invited!!! His getting married to the most beautiful man in Teyvat!! Everyone needs to know!!!

But Kaeya would prefer a smaller wedding with only close friends and family umu

They settle for a semi small wedding

Everyone important to them is there and they (childe) sent out a couple of extra invitations for people he thinks he'd like to see

His entire immediate family is there because he loves them sm and what's to share the special day w them

I feel also like they'd hold the wedding either somewhere really obscure or somewhere easy for everyone to get to

It's cute cuz Childe wants a really obscure place where it's super pretty very romantic and memorable? But Kaeya's like??? How are all your guests going to come then

Childe no think only putting a ring on Kaeya and kissing him to seal the marriage contract no Thoughts

Zhongli being like the priest-ish guy he's there to do the marriage contract ok

Venti provides entertainment

I want this to be few years down the line when everything is settled AU where everything works out fine, no one dies, and everything great. A happy ending because its what Chaeya deSERVES.

I- Kaeya in a wedding dress Kaeya in a wedding dress Kaeya in a wedding dress KaeyA iN a WEdING DReSS KAEYA IN A WEDDING DRESS

Yeah, Kaeya would totes rock a wedding dressing. Like bonus if Childe wants to see him in a wedding dress too?

They'd prolly have like a mixed tradition wedding like it's not as traditional. Something between Mondstadt and Snezhnayan tradition uwu

Diluc is here too,, they're brothers again kinda plS I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY IT'S A HAPPY DAY

I think it'd be nice if Diluc was the one walking Kaeya down the aisle? Hhh and they're talking softly because they haven't been talking for awhile

Diluc a little like reluctant because he didn't judge if it were like a fling or smth but your whole life????

But honestly it's just cuz Diluc's a little unsure what the marriage will entail? Like if Kaeya's gonna move away now or he'll be too devoted to spend time (even if it annoys the hell out of him) with him

And Kaeya before reaching where Childe is reassures Diluc. Because he knows, he knows how anxious Diluc is under that cool exterior just,,,,

Maybe they share a little hug,,, just tells him everything's still going to be the same, he's just got a ring on his finger now,, pls I'm so fucking soFt

Childe 1000% cries when he sees Kaeya walking down the aisle ok like how can he be so lucky to not only woo him but also have him for the rest of his life?

He cries sm Zhongli has to pull him aside for a bit to get him composed

Kaeya cries a little too ok tf he's just umu didn't think anyone would be this into him? Like he didn't think he'd have have someone to be with for the rest of his life that loves him for him even when he's not sure who he really is i-

Their vows to each other are going to be fucking cutest ok people are gonna get touched

I think their kiss when they sign the marriage contract-

I don't want to say like marriage thingy whatever the actual tradition is because i think it's so cute that they do a whole contract w the God (former) of contracts like- shut up I'm in my feels ok let me have this

So they kiss to seal the contract and its not going to be a long kiss even though they're both so horny and sketchy no

It's going to uncharacteristically sweet and chaste. They spend most of them time looking into each other's eyes than kissing

The after party like a dinner or smth where everyone just vibes is lit tho

There's so much alcohol so much because Childe spoils his bf- 🥺🥺 husband (fuCK I'm so emotional)

Venti's about to drink to the next century

Kaeya changes to a suit after cuz wedding dress do be stuffy so

There's like fun games for everyone, good food and music! Lots of dancing and laughter a great time

And he's so handsome in the suit too!????? Childe tears up again how is this man his husband tf

You'd think Kaeya's gonna get black out drunk and Childe's gonna start fights for fun but no they're uncharacteristically soft ok just let them take in everything and that they're husbands

Plspls them chilling in the corner of the room watching everyone and they're sorta just cuddle up and holding hands fingers tracing over their wedding rings

Lumine and Aether has to be the one to tell them to go dance and enjoy the wedding party they planned

Them being called out HAHAHA you can be soft for the rest of you life but you only get one (1) wedding like go???

They end up dancing and drinking til they're a little tipsy too just over all a good time uwu

I know y'all are really here for spicy hcs so i will provide some

Wedding night sex is a guarantee

Kaeya prepped cute white lingerie already

It's also honestly surprisingly sweet? Them just taking their time with each other and lots of loving kisses and tender touches

A lot of compliments and praise from Childe to Kaeya and Kaeya being equally as soft

He's telling Childe how much he loves him and how grateful he is for him, how happy he feels

Also Childe 100% wants Kaeya to call him his husband during

Bonus if its "my husband"

Childe calls him "my wife" or "my husband" in Snezhnayan

Kaeya laughs at him because Childe's still a little possessive even though they're bound by a contract now when Childe sucks a hickey onto Kaeya's ring finger

Childe's like pouting because of it but Kaeya bites hard enough to scar Childe's ring finger in return because lowkey Kaeya's possessive too

They're just,,, soft right now ok do noT SEpErATe

They'll go at it for like a good few hours or if they're extra Soft™ they'll only have rough sex again in like 3 - 5 business days

Them just basking in each other's love after like wow this is real and they're here w each other

[leapyearkisses]

For the director's cut: Could you do Nice Work If You Can Get It? (Eliseo/Padgett)

That fic... Changed me. I'll never forget it TBH.

Yes, I'd be happy to! This one was really fun to write, and it was the beginning of two OCs I am very fond of now (and who I am happy to know made an impression on quite a few people!).

(If anyone enjoys this director's cut thing and wants to see one for another of my stories, ask away. I had a lot of fun!)

Commentary in bold below the cut! NSFW, mess, deliberately sneezing on people, m/m

This story started from a prompt about one character hiring someone to get them sick. An intriguing idea!! But it was one I actually struggled with finding a groove for when I started out. I actually started a few different scenarios with different character dynamics before I figured this one out. I have a 2600-word WIP of a different version of this in my "unfinished" folder.

"All right... close your eyes." Eliseo swallowed and did so, blocking out his bedroom, the red-gold sunset light pouring in from the windows, and Padgett, who was straddling his hips. He could still hear, quite easily, the other man's labored breathing and feel the heat of his thighs... and his crotch. Eliseo was under no illusion that he was in an incredibly compromising position at the moment. He hadn't thought much about the.. particulars when he'd first decided to strike this deal. "Are we really doing this?" he asked, voice weak.

I can't really write fetish porn without including actual porn lol, so from the beginning it was sexy even without the snz. In this version, the POV character is Eliseo, who is the "naive" character in a way. I pretty much write pairs where one character has the fetish and their partner does not but is indulgent. The one with the fetish is usually embarrassed about it or somehow naively realizing they like this weird-ass thing. Padgett laughed, voice tumbled and edging on hoarse. "Hey now. Not getting cold feet are we, my lord?" His exhale ghosted over Eliseo's forehead and his tousled black hair touched Eliseo's cheek.

Padgett is the confident character, and he brought the humor to this scenario! Eliseo cleared his throat. "No..." He could imagine the other man's smug look. They'd known each other long enough now that the image rose unbidden to his mind's eye. Padgett's eyes always glittered like opals when he was scheming something. Padgett surprised him with a tender touch on the shoulder, and he almost opened his eyes again. "The safe word is 'pumpernickel,'" he said, managing not to chuckle. "We can stop whenever you want... Hhk-" He fought off a gasp. "Decide hh quickly, though." Eliseo shivered. "I'm okay. Let's do it." He didn't want to admit it, but Padgett's reassurance did put him at ease, even if this had been his idea. He relaxed and tried to lose himself in the late afternoon heat. "Yehh-s, my lord." Padgett leaned forward and took a shaky breath. It stuttered and caught on invisible hooks, sounding at once to be full of potential and then gone again, like a ghost at the window. Eliseo could feel his body tightening again with anticipation, especially when Padgett gasped and leaned back. "Hh-... hah--

"A ghost in the window" eehhh this is kind of overworked. I like to write descriptively even when it isn't necessary. "Huh-ktschht!" A warm rush of air burst in Eliseo's face, almost immediately followed by a watery spray over his forehead, closed eyes, and nose. His instant reaction was to curl back, or try to, and he had his hands braced on Padgett's chest before he could think about it.

I had never written anything quite this scandalous as it were. There hadn't been a lot of snzfic I had read where there was direct, purposeful contagion like this or quite so much mess description directly on the skin, the face even. So I was sweating while writing this lol. "Hey now," said Padgett, delayed by a sniffle. His tone was light. "Easy. You specified this in the contract, remember?" He rested his hands lightly on Eliseo's wrists. "How are you feeling about it?"

CONSENT IS THE SEXIEST THING. We get this instinctual edge of revulsion from Eliseo because he has not acknowledged to himself that he likes snz yet and also he has never allowed anyone to do this to him before because why would anyone do this? Eliseo found he was holding his breath, but- Well, that would defeat the purpose of this exercise. He cautiously let it go and then opened his eyes. Padgett was gazing down at him, looking neither smug nor concerned, just curious. "I- this was on instinct," Eliseo murmured. After a beat, he lowered his hands, and Padgett let him go easily. "Yes, I imagine so. It's natural." Padgett smiled then, and then his expression crinkled. "Wh- hh- want to do it again? Hkt-- hhh..." Eliseo forced himself to surrender again to his pillows. "Yes." Again, he closed his eyes. Padgett shifted forward on his lap and oh- but then he was sneezing one more. "Huh- hktsschit!" Again, the spray. This time it dusted over Eliseo's nose and mouth. He fought to keep from thinning his lips and... took a deeper breath. Padgett hadn't moved, was still fighting with his own lungs, reeling in another insistent sneeze like a stubborn trout. "Huh- hh... hh hh huh-" He made an annoyed sound. "Hah-- hah-krttschtts!" Eliseo felt droplets of saliva decorate his cheekbone. Padgett sniffled thickly.

I think artists often point out how funny it is that when they're drawing they mimic the face of the character. I do this with sneeze sounds (IF I'M ALONE). I tend to like softer sounds for my characters, so a lot of sibilance creeps in. "...Bless you," Eliseo murmured. He was feeling hot. Maybe it was Padgett on top of him. The man was running a fever. "You are... doing the job admirably." That earned him a laugh. Padgett shifted his weight to his heels, which did interesting things to his cock's relation to Eliseo's own. "Thanks, I guess? I never would have thought anyone would be hiring for this, much less you." "Circumstances are dire," Eliseo intoned without a hint of irony.

Eliseo is a card. I love him. Of the two of them he is much more my preferred "type." He is similar to my mage character Llewellyn but less fussy. "Mmhm." Padgett sniffled again. "You must really hate weddings. Couldn't you have just gone on a hunt or something this weekend instead?" Eliseo sighed. "No. My sister would do anything to ruin my plans if I tried to avoid the party any normal way. But luckily, she's terrified of germs. I think a miserable head cold will be the ticket." Like hell he wanted to sit through another of his sister's weddings. Every time it was some new, world-changing drama. He wasn't even sure whether the groom this time was noble born. No doubt the reception gossip would be scathing. What absolute drivel.

There's a little "my lord" up there before, but this is kind of where the setting is characterized - Eliseo is a noble and this is a time and place where nobility matters. However, it's also anachronistic, because germ theory is a thing. They're kind of in a pseudo Regency/Victorian world where I just write whatever feels like the most fun. "Lucky also that you have me around, hm?" Padgett's next chuckle turned into a bit of a cough. Eliseo patted his knee awkwardly. "I- well, yes. Very. But believe me when I say that I would not wish for you to be so stricken if I had the power to stop it."

People with shitty immune systems are my jam. Even if it's really unlikely, I love it. Sometimes especially if it's unlikely. Like mister high elf Llewellyn, or if they're a god or angel or something. Or in a world where if you had that bad of an immune system you probably would have died of diphtheria or pneumonia by now. "Of course, my lord." Padgett rubbed his nose. And though his breath hitched a few times in the following moments, he stayed where he was. Eliseo blinked. "Are we...?" Done? He didn't really think the exposure had been long enough. "I am ready." Padgett blushed a little. Blushed? "Sorry," he said. "I can kind of feel that, uh, the uh, next ones are going to be kind of... wet. I could blow my nose." His voice trailed off, wavering again. His nostrils twitched, and Eliseo did see within the promise of moisture. Perhaps it was the taboo of it, but Eliseo was alerted instantly to a sudden thickening of his cock. It pressed at his trousers with some gusto as Padgett sniffled again. Eliseo swallowed. "No. No, this is good. This will... help."

After consent, MESS is the sexiest thing. That's just how it goes. I don't make the rules. Padgett gave him a considering look, at least as well as he could between soft gasps and squinting against the itch in his nose. "If you're sure, my lord." "Just- call me Eli, like you used to," said Eliseo, stumbling over the words. He wasn't sure where they had come from, but now they were bare between them. Still, perhaps a bit of affection wasn't so odd compared to what they were already doing. Eliseo closed his eyes on Padgett's startled look.

I wasn't sure where this came from either. But suddenly they were in love and I was cool with it. Eli btw is pronounced like the name (Ee-lye) but Eliseo is pronounced Ell-ee-zay-oh in my mind. It's of Latin origin and means "God is my salvation" according to that authority Babynames.com lol. Padgett means "attendant" so that was chosen partially because he's Eliseo's employee but also because Padgett is just a SUPER English-sounding name. I really enjoy looking up name meanings and representing different traditions in my characters. I tried to give Eliseo's family members Latin names, too, although they're not mentioned here. "Eli," Padgett said, and he sounded like he'd just come home from a long war to find the hearth kept warm for him. "I will." He leaned forward again, bracing himself. "Now, I'm going to- to hih-- to snhhsneeze, hah-- haktschtsch! Hrh- Hnkgstschhiu! More spray this time, more wetness, and Eliseo gasped himself when he felt a thick drip against his chin. Padgett hadn't moved. When Eliseo tentatively looked up, he saw his friend caught in a limbo of urgency. His green eyes were shut, eyelashes fluttering. His nostrils, gently pink now, flared. A clear trail hung from one of them, quivering as Padgett panted. He looked wild and fever bright and teetering on a precipice. Eliseo ignored what it might mean that Padgett's desperate expression, his wet nose - even the mess - suddenly went to his cock. He was hard, looking up at a portrait of a sneeze.

Sometimes you just have to stop writing for a second and drink some cold water or something. Carefully, he placed a hand on Padgett's thigh. "It's okay," he said, words coming of their own accord. "I've got you." Padgett's fingers tightened fitfully in the sheet as he shifted his weight again. He was making soft, irritated noises. His nostrils flared and Eliseo saw another drip lying in wait on the cusp.

Fingers tightening fitfully in a sheet is a thing I love to describe. If you binge-read everything I've written, you will find that I write snz and sex in a very particular way over and over. Because that's what I like! And I'm super glad readers like it as well! But I can basically only find the motivation to write what I enjoy (when I write at all... .__.), which is why I only write m/m or nb characters and such. When the urge became too much, it was like watching a wave finally crash down. Padgett's breath caught; he tensed and leaned back. Eliseo hurriedly closed his eyes again, and none too soon. "Hhhhrektschuckh!" He felt the mess streak his face, fly to spatter his mouth and nose and chin. Padgett moaned and then gasped again, chest swelling with air.

SCANDALOUS "Hah- Huhrttschuh! Hshtt! Hah- hsshtt!" Again, he teetered, teasing the air with shivering gasps. Then, he abruptly folded with a crush of vowels and congestion. "Hggtschiucht!" A baptism, pondered Eliseo's brain as it detached from reality momentarily. Pinned as he was to the bed by Padgett's sex, he couldn't move when he felt himself coming just as abruptly as the sneeze. Somehow the slick wash had become a mounting sense of urgency in each of his muscles, racing from his fingertips and toes to his abdomen, where, quite unbidden, his cock had tugged all that energy into a gut-wrenching orgasm that sent the shockwaves back out with renewed vigor. Padgett whined, and Eliseo took him firmly by the shoulders and drew him in for a messy, off-putting, contagious, blindingly good kiss. "Wow," said Padgett, when they finally broke for air.

Wow, lol. I have a great imagination. I wish I could make myself write more often. "Don't ask me why," Eliseo muttered, but he refused to be made a fool of by embarrassment. "C- come here." He shifted to sit up further and put his hands on Padgett's hips. "I want-" He wanted. "This. Yes?" Before he could stop himself, he swept his tongue over Padgett's mouth, under his nose, to rest at the edge of a nostril. He tasted salt. It was not entirely pleasant, but whatever pilot was captaining his body right now didn't care. He could still feel his cock pulsing against his trousers.

Also the first time I wrote anything like this, but Eliseo was like go big or go home, so. Padgett moaned. "It feels... odd. But, my lord, you can do what you- I mean, Eli." He was breathless for different reasons now. Eliseo laved the tender skin above Padgett's lips, then licked up his septum. When Padgett shivered, Eliseo kissed him again. Slowly, he cleaned away the mess from Padgett's face. When he was finished, neither of them knew what to say. Eliseo was hard again.

Huahaha Eliseo can have an unrealistic refractory period. I don't really give a shit how accurate this stuff is when it would get in the way of the enjoyment. Not to the point where people are just going in without lube or something crazy like that, but being willing and able to go again is just sexy, so that's fine. Finally, Padgett laughed shyly. "I think you'll be catching your cold, Eli." Eliseo blushed and shrugged. "I should hope so. I am-" He bit his lip. "I'm not ready to stop. Will you stay the night? I'll look after you." Padgett kissed him, tenderly drawing them together. "I would like that, very much."

And then they DEFINITELY banged. I hadn't conceptualized their specific history together at this point, but Eliseo and Padgett were FWB while younger, so the "surprise" at meeting again like this in a sexy fashion is more like "Oh, are we doing this now, as adults with drastically different social standing?" and less "Hey, are you into me??"

I got more than one request to write the direct sequel to this, but I dunno. I usually prefer one character in the pair to be the one who is sneezing, and writing Eliseo sick isn't as fun. Partially because I'm much, MUCH more interested in the shy/embarrassed/"voyeur" dynamic, so someone who gets off on their own sneezes really does nothing for me. I do have a WIP of Eliseo sick that is a direct sequel to Carriage Shenanigans, but I have no idea if it will ever get finished.

Thanks so much for the request for this very fun exercise!

[scientifthicc]

You’re Gonna Catch a Cold

hello all! this is my valentine’s day exchange gift for the wonderful @shadowsofrainbows ily!! hello, i’m your valentine skdjskj. i really hope you enjoy the gift because i’m not sure if its any good or not so i’m sorry if it sucks. i really enjoyed writing it and its a tyrus fanfic so i hope you like it :)) by the way, im sorry this is posting so late, tungler dot com was being a butt and i couldn’t post it until now :(( sorry to keep you waiting so long hhh

also!! a big thank you and shout out to @swingsetboys for organizing this valentine’s day gift exchange!! these gift exchanges are so fun to do and without you we wouldn’t have them so thank you ilyy! and thanks for being so kind and helpful when tumblr’s a pain in the ass skdjsk

Cyrus tapped his foot impatiently as he anxiously waited for TJ to answer the call.

TJ’s voice comes from the phone, but it’s not him, it’s his voicemail. “It’s TJ. If you’re hearing this it’s probably because I don’t feel like answering the phone right now. Leave a message, if you want.” A beep comes from the phone, signaling the start of the voicemail.

Cyrus took a breath before starting to not sound as worried as he really was. “Hey TJ, it’s Cyrus. Again. Nobody’s heard from you in a couple days so please please please answer me as soon as you can.” Pressing the red End button, he turned to his friends with a downcast face.  Cyrus had been stressing out since Tuesday when TJ didn’t show up to school and didn’t answer what had come to be many texts and calls. None of the teachers TJ had seemed to know what was happening either, sending him into a whirlwind of thoughts. Is TJ okay? Is he hurt? Is he dying? No, he’s not dying. But what if he is dying?? Now it was Saturday, and the GHC was standing outside the Spoon, waiting to go in as Cyrus called TJ for the millionth time.

“No answer,” he said with a frown.

“Cyrus. Relax. He’s probably fine,” Buffy said, putting her hands on Cyrus’s shoulders and drawing out the word “relax”. She spun him around and ushered him into the Spoon.

“Yeah,” Andi scoffed, as they found a booth and sat down. “You’re probably just going through a TJ-withdraw.” Andi and Buffy chuckled while Cyrus scowled.

“Right,” he said, looking over the menu and pretending to ignore Andi’s comment. “He’s probably fine.” He paused to take his order when the waitress came over before continuing. “That doesn’t guarantee he’s okay. What if he needs our help?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “If you want to know so bad, why don’t you stop by his house and find out?”

“You’re right,” Cyrus said determinedly, putting both palms on the table and standing up.

“Wait- now? Your food hasn’t even arrived yet” Buffy said, but Cyrus was already out of his seat.

“Update us!!” Andi yelled as Cyrus was walking out the door, earning a thumbs up from him as he left to signal that he had heard them.

Andi and Buffy exchanged a knowing look, and Buffy rolled her eyes once again. “He left his coat,” Buffy giggled.

On his way there, the sound of Cyrus’s feet crunching in the snow was the only sound that could be heard, and he couldn’t help but think about what could have happened to TJ. Was he grounded? Cyrus doubted that. He wouldn’t be surprised if his parents took away his phone if he was in trouble, but it doesn’t make sense that they would keep him from coming to school. Did TJ get into trouble at school? He didn’t want to think of that as a possibility. He knew TJ was better than that. Did his family go on vacation? No way. TJ definitely would have told him beforehand.

Eventually, Cyrus ended up on TJ’s front porch that afternoon, pacing in front of the door as he waited, shivering, since he accidentally left his coat with Buffy and Andi in his rush to leave the Spoon. He let out a frosty breath, looking down at his feet as he stopped in front of the door, hands in his pockets, and waited.

“Hey,” said a congested-sounding voice, making Cyrus jump as he broke out of his thoughts.

Looking up, Cyrus went to respond but stopped short at the sight in front of him, barely preventing himself from choking on the frigid air around him. Standing there in front of him, in the doorway, was TJ Kippen himself, but different. He clearly looked sick, and he was wearing gray sweatpants Cyrus had never seen on him before, but it got worse; he had no hair gel, making her hair a fluffy dirty-blonde mess, and was wearing glasses. Cyrus couldn’t help but be a teensy bit upset by the fact that TJ had never told him that he actually wore contacts. A little forewarning would’ve been nice — he was having trouble handling the sight in front him at that moment. It took him a while before Cyrus realized he was staring at him like an idiot.

“Uh- TJ! You’re okay!” Cyrus finally exclaimed before cringing, realizing TJ wasn’t exactly okay, considering he was sick and wishing he had kept his mouth shut. “I mean— you’re not dead, at least.” He facepalmed. “I— nevermind. Hi TJ.”

TJ started laughing before devolving into a coughing fit. Growing concerned, Cyrus let himself inside and shut the door to keep TJ out of the cold. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good. I’m a little sick. Just a little, though,” he answered with a heavily congested voice before sneezing multiple times.

They walked into the kitchen, where Cyrus immediately felt warm. The entire house gave off a welcoming, lived-in, and cozy feel, especially the kitchen with the warm beige walls, different variety of mugs in one of the see-through cabinets, and the pictures on the fridge that displayed upcoming events, drawings TJ made when he was about 7 or 8 maybe, and souvenir magnets. When he saw the old drawings, Cyrus smiled, admiring how cute they were, before turning back to TJ as they both sat down at the kitchen table. “Did your parents take away your phone or something?”

“I mean, technically.”

Cyrus gestured for TJ to continue.

“Well.” TJ paused to cough. “My parents are the — sniff — type of parents who don’t let you — sneeze — use your phone when you get sick, because they think using it will be bad for you and delay you from getting better,” he explained before grabbing a tissue from one of the boxes that were currently everywhere in the house and blowing his nose. “So, when I got sick and had to stay home, I couldn’t really let you know, which sucked.” He coughed a couple times.

Cyrus frowned. “That sucks.” TJ nodded his head in agreement. “ I was so stressed. I was worried you died or something. I must have called you at least 15 times.” Cyrus couldn’t help but cringe at how desperate he must’ve sounded, but TJ would’ve eventually seen the calls and texts when he got his phone back anyways, so he had nothing to lose.

TJ grinned and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could say anything, he started to cough. He was shivering a little as well, despite the fact that it was currently warm in the house.

Cyrus frowned again. “Where’s the blankets?” TJ vaguely gestured to a door under the stairs — while still coughing into his arm — that seemed to be a small closet. He fetched a pink blanket, with Dora, Diego, Backpack, and Boots with huge lettering that told you it was Dora the Explorer blanket — in case you weren’t sure before — and threw it on TJ before moving to the cabinets to hunt around for a tea kettle, a mug, and a tea bag. Once he finally found what he needed, he started preparing tea for TJ. The tea kettle was already filled with water and heating up on the stove before TJ finally spoke up.

“Uh, Cyrus?” TJ questioned, finally removing the blanket from over his head where it had been thrown on him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making you tea and taking care of you, duh,” Cyrus responded, now setting a pot on the stove and searching through the cabinets for ramen soup (every house had to have ramen, he thought) while he waited for the tea to be made. Cyrus, still facing the cabinets, kept going before TJ could say anything. “I don’t see anyone else around, so I’m gonna be the one to do it.” He was clearly in full-parent mode by now, and there was no going back. Putting the ramen packet he finally found down and turning to face TJ, he asked, “By the way, where are your parents?”

TJ rested his head on his arm. ”They’re gone for the weekend for a wedding. They didn’t want to leave me in the ’state I was in’, but they’d RSVP’d months before,” he answered, complete with air quotes, sniffs, and sneezes.

“Oh. Uh, okay,” he said, turning around to continue making the soup and to hide his blush. They were gonna be alone for God knows how long and Cyrus didn’t know how to feel about it. Cyrus and TJ sat in comfortable silence for a couple minutes while Cyrus made the soup. He may not know shit about cooking, but he had learned to at least make soup for when his parents were out and there was nothing else to eat, so it had become a staple food for him. Cyrus assumed it was comfortable silence, at least; it was entirely possible that TJ could have fallen asleep and Cyrus wouldn’t have been surprised. In reality, though, although Cyrus was unaware, TJ couldn’t help but stare at Cyrus and appreciate what he was doing for TJ. He felt undeserving to have someone as lucky as Cyrus care for him, even though it wasn’t like he would ever tell him how he felt.

Eventually handing TJ the tea that had finally finished being made (“With honey and lemon to help your cold, of course,” Cyrus had told him), he broke the silence by asking how he had managed to get by at all so far in the state he was in.

“I haven’t,” TJ answered after a couple seconds of thought. “I was dying earlier. But I’m dying a little less now.”

“Thank God I’m here, I guess,” Cyrus said with a smile. Time stood still for a second as TJ and Cyrus simply stared at each other for a couple seconds, a blush creeping up on both of their faces, not that oblivious TJ noticed Cyrus’s blush, or vice versa. The awkward silence was clearly cutting through the room, though, so Cyrus cleared his throat before it could get worse, turning to check on the soup to find that it was ready.

Handing TJ the soup, Cyrus told him, “Okay, well, go to your room and lay down. I’ll be up in a couple minutes with something else and I’m gonna pick a movie for us to watch.”

TJ rolled his eyes. “I’m not that sick, Underdog,” he informs him before hacking and coughing once again. No matter how many times TJ says it, Cyrus’s heart skips a beat when TJ calls him “Underdog”, and he knew it always would.

“Go upstairs, TJ,” Cyrus said with half-seriousness.

Begrudgingly, TJ stood, soup in hand and Dora-themed blanket wrapped around him and held together with the other. “You’re being such a mom,” TJ grumbled under his breath, but loud enough to still be heard by Cyrus (which he totally did on purpose).

“What was that?” Cyrus called with raised eyebrows.

TJ flashed a cocky grin at him. “Nothing!” he answered with a cheeky (but stuffy) voice before sludging upstairs to obey Cyrus.

Cyrus’s eyes followed TJ  with a goofy grin as he trudged up the stairs. Never would Cyrus understand how TJ managed to be so charming, even when he was sick.

Once TJ was upstairs, he pulled out his phone and opened his notes to find the smoothie recipe he kept around for when somebody got sick. It was a random thing to keep on your phone, but in Cyrus’s defense, you never know when you need to make an emergency smoothie and it obviously it came in handy.

The smoothie turned out to be a greenish-brown color, giving Cyrus some serious doubts on how good the smoothie actually was — not to mention how it would taste — but Cyrus grabbed some straws and headed upstairs anyways. Walking through the hallway on his way to TJ’s room, he spotted lots of family pictures throughout the years, baby pictures of TJ, and school pictures, as well as baseball pictures, of TJ. Cyrus couldn’t help but gush over how adorable TJ was in all the pictures, and couldn’t resist from taking a few pictures from his phone of the multiple photos on wall for blackmail and future birthday posts.

Finally finding TJ’s room and walking into it, he found that TJ had already chosen and started some kind of action movie without Cyrus, and was laying down in bed. TJ sat up when Cyrus entered the room, though.

Cyrus pouted. “You already started without me?” he said with mock-sadness and betrayal in his voice. TJ just shrugged. “I forgive you. I know the sickness is getting to your head.” Cyrus handing him the smoothie and straws. “I made a smoothie. It’s not poison, I promise. I think.”

TJ laughed and took the smoothie. “Thanks, Underdog. You really didn’t have to do all of this for me. I don’t deserve it,” TJ said with a soft smile that made Cyrus want to kiss him on the spot, but when hearing that TJ thought he didn’t “deserve it”, he couldn’t help but go off on a tangent.

“But I did have to! And I wanted to, too. You most definitely deserved it and I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving you here by yourself when you were sick and if I wasn’t here then there would’ve been no one here to take of you and who knows what would’ve happened if I didn’t do anything about it and I didn’t have had any contact with you because you don’t have your phone so I wouldn’t have been able to check up on you to see how you’re doing and you’re already sick so you need to feel comfortable and have company and get better and what if you got worse and—”

“Cyrus! Cy- Underdog! Listen to me Cyrus. It’s okay,” TJ said, cutting him off and trying to calm him down. “Look at me. I’m fine. Okay, I’m not fine, but I’m not dying and I’m not going to die. You really don’t have to go full parent mode on me. I’ll be okay,” he said with a soft smile. “Now,” he said, once Cyrus has realized he had gotten too worked up and had calmed down a little. “Come sit down and watch this stupid movie with me.” TJ grinned and patted the bed.

Cyrus let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Sorry. When I really care about someone I get super caring and protecting, I guess,” he answered, smiling sheepishly. Cyrus was beginning to feel embarrassed about his tiny outburst, but knowing TJ wasn’t judging him, he was able to relax.

TJ blushed at the thought the Cyrus cared about him so much. “It’s okay. I honestly really appreciate it, Cy.” Without thinking, Tj decided to be bold. “It’s pretty cute, to be honest,” TJ said, before taking a sip of the smoothie handed him. But before Cyrus could choke about what TJ just said (and before TJ could freak out about what had come out of his mouth before he could think about it), TJ coughed and made a fake gagging noise. “Ugh! This is disgusting. What’s in it?” he asked with a disgusted tone, gesturing to the smoothie in his hand.

“Well, there’s spinach, orange juice, basil, beets, carrots… all of which is supposed to help you heal more quickly!” Cyrus said, realizing how gross the combination sounded when he said it out loud.

TJ fake gagged again, making a “blech” noise and pretending to stick a finger near his mouth at the thought of the mixture. “It’s horrible. Taste it with me?” he suggested with a smirk, offering Cyrus a straw.

Cyrus accepted the straw, acting like he was extending his hand at a royal ball. “Gladly,” he responded with mock formality, taking a seat next to TJ on his bed and sticking his straw into the smoothie.

“On the count of three?” TJ asked, to which Cyrus nodded. “No chickening out!” he announced it advance.

“I won’t!” Cyrus promised.

TJ took a deep breath. “Okay. One…” Cyrus took a deep breath and braced himself as much as he could. “Two....” TJ grimaced, not prepared to take another sip. “And…. three!” Cyrus quickly took and swallowed a decent sip to keep his promise, but TJ only pretended to take a sip.

Immediately, Cyrus turned away and gagged. “Why do I even try to do anything related to cooking?” Cyrus rasped, disgusted, while TJ laughed his head off. Hearing his laughter, Cyrus whipped head back towards TJ. “You didn’t drink it?” he yelped. TJ shook his head no. “The betrayal!” he gasped, putting a hand over his heart. Then, he scowled. “Okay, this time we both have to try it. No fake outs, TJ, and I mean it.” Cyrus attempted to say this in a threatening voice, which wasn’t very successful, although TJ agreed anyways.

“On my count this time,” Cyrus stated. Just before the countdown, Cyrus heard his phone go off multiple times next to him, most definitely texts from Buffy and Andi asking him to update them. They can be patient for a couple hours, he thought to himself, fumbling around for his phone without moving from his position, and shutting it off so they wouldn’t distract him. I might do something daring in a couple seconds, and now is not the time “One…” They both leaned into the horrid smoothie. “Two…” Cyrus’s eyes flickered up to meet TJ’s, causing them both to realize how close they were. “Three,” Cyrus announced in a breathless voice, and a second later, instead of lips meeting their straws, Cyrus leaned in before he could second-guess himself, TJ’s lips meeting Cyrus’s as he leaned in that the same time to close the distance as well.

It was as if they had both planned it, as if they were on the same wavelength. The kiss was a short but meaningful one, saying so many things neither of them had dared to say before and confirming their feelings towards each other. It felt like two pieces of puzzle fitting together, the perfect match.

They broke apart after a few seconds, foreheads touching and their eyes gleaming, saying things that neither of them seemed to be capable of saying with their own mouths. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of just staring at each and blushing, both started to giggle.

“If you don’t be careful Cyrus, you’re gonna catch a cold,” TJ said, smiling so wide he could hardly contain it.

Cyrus grinned. “Too bad,” he shrugged, leaning in to close the gap once more.

Four Days Later

“I told you that you were gonna get sick!” TJ chuckled.

Cyrus blew his nose and pouted. “Yeah, but I hoped that my immune system would prove you otherwise!” Cyrus sighed. “Clearly, it let me down,” he said, barely able to finish his sentence before sneezing. “Why can’t I see you right now?” he said with a frown, wanting to reach through the screen to see TJ in real life.

“Hm. Bless you, by the way,” TJ pretended to think for a second. “Maybe it’s because I had to come to school and you’re bedridden with a cold?” He suggested, smirking.

“Oh,” Cyrus said with a downcast face. “I guess that’s true.” Cyrus went to continue the conversation, but when Cyrus opened his mouth the speak again, he heard the bell signaling the final warning to get to class go off.

“As much as I hate to say it, I gotta get to class, Underdog,” TJ announced sadly, causing Cyrus to pout once again and make him want to stubbornly insist that TJ stay, but he accepted defeat instead, deciding to sleep in to make the school day go by as quickly as possible. “See you after school, boyfriend!” TJ exclaimed with the biggest, goofiest grin on his face, blowing him a kiss through the screen.

Cyrus pretended to catch it and put it on his heart, an equally big and goofy grin on his face. “You too, boyfriend. It’s my turn to choose the movie, by the way. Bring soup!”

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 7)

A/N: This is probably the longest I've written in this series. Again guys, thank you for the support, your comments and likes mean so much! My tag list is always open so feel free to ask. And on a slightly heavy note: the next chapter could be really angsty. Just a heads up right there uwu

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, slight drinking, slight swearing, (yeah the fluff is still present)

W/C: 5k-ish

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

Edited// I forgot to link the previous parts

Parts: 6 5 4 3 2 1

(Got the pic from Pinterest hhh-)

Storing the luggage bag you've purchased for a fair price in the spare room, you come across a small box of sundries tucked in one corner with cobwebs clinging to the sides. Your eyes light up with curiosity spiking within you, you pick it up and dust the webs off, blowing the particles away from the top. You squat on the floor and open the flaps, discovering small yet familiar items that had been lost in time– one of them being a sepia-toned polaroid of you and Ben posing dramatically with hilarious doodles drawn on your faces. You forgot about this, feeling a little guilty that you had hidden it away in a drafty box without remembering doing anything of the sort. You flip the picture over and spot a date and an unfinished sentence written in faded ink on the bottom left part. This was taken on Homecoming night.

'I'm not going-' it says, clearly discontinued next to the date. Silly to think that the picture somehow represents a puzzle piece torn away from its board.

You were bound to graduate the week after and barely a day after, not see each other for several years due to your career paths and post-college choices.

You pull on the hem of your shirt, clearing the picture of dust and any more impurities, finally fitting it into your back pocket to finally treasure it the way it was always meant to be treasured.

The door clicks as you bring it close, your eyes gluing themselves at the hardwood floor seconds to having self-pity billow over you at how quickly your tears surface in the corner of your eyes from the memory of Ben spinning Rosy around - the exact way he did with you -and kissing her like she's a pouch full of life.

You clamp down on your bottom lip, trying your hardest not to stain your cheeks with your pooling tears. "Jeez, you just-" you pace back and forth in frustration, balling your fists as you gesticulate lazily, "you just don't get it, Y/N! Ugh, you're so- fuck, just get over it..." Knowing your harsh soliloquy would be getting you nowhere, you snarl strongly at yourself and roughly wipe your tears away with the back of your hand.

"He loves Rosy. F-freaking deal with it!" The reminder takes a hiss from your quivering lips for it to sink in; you have your own place in his life– a place behind the line you'd drawn in the years prior. The friend zone couldn't be any more hollow and cold than it already is.

And a polaroid pic is the only remnant left of how inseparable you and Ben were in the early days.

At the same time you're feeling your heart tear itself apart, Ben pulls out a picture - similar to what you've found - from the inner pocket of his old varsity jacket in the middle of rummaging through his wardrobe. He leaves his room in his pajamas and tosses himself on the couch next to a sleeping Frankie, softly apologizing to the little beagle for disturbing her cat-like nap. As he cuddles Frankie close, he scrutinizes the picture and it's also from Homecoming, but in it both of you are beaming widely with your arms slung around one another– the doodles ever-so-present on your faces. Behind it, the date and the continuation of the trailed-off sentence written at the back of your share of the memory.

'-anywhere at all.'- it ends in Ben's part of the duality. He grins fondly at the long lost picture, feeling twice as guilty for not keeping it safe and...close to his heart, just as he had promised you that night.

- - - - - - - -

In the convenience of Lucy needing some company to shop with for awards season just as she had returned from her get-away with Rami, she drags you along happily, having to pass through you insisting that you stay at home and study but purposefully ending up under her mercy anyway. You couldn't say no to her, she's basically your sparkly, glam counterpart and you're in need of her life-altering sparkles as of now. Especially since you're going to be tagging along with them, mainly as Joe's date cause you know, you're his 'girlfriend' and all.

You're at the mall, in a stylish boutique full of lines of voguish clothing and shoes that could span miles if not compressed together. For once in the hours you've spent scampering around the mall with Lucy to hoard dresses, skin products and make up, you admit that this is the most aesthetically pleasing space in the entire building.

You traipse along a section with black dresses fashioned into different forms, silently praying that what you have with you will amount to at least one of the varying prices.

Lucy's on the opposite side, ogling at the most colorful section in the boutique for a piece to wear. She peers over at you to make sure you've chosen your 'fighter'. A few swishes of the dresses lined up and you do, holding it up high to evaluate the appropriateness.

It's a sleeveless, halter neck satin that's just a few inches above the knee. Utterly backless but it ends right up the small of your back. The fabric is stretchy enough to move around and breathe in as it simultaneously hugs your shape. You love it but gulp as you prepare yourself for the price. Flipping the tag over, you suddenly wish you could let out the biggest, girlish squeal the human race has ever heard with how surprisingly affordable it is.

"Finally picked out yours?" Lucy pokes her head up playfully and you nod, quite speechless but giddy. She makes a grabby hand at your dress to examine it for herself.

Well she's the fashion guru so why not? You hand her the dress and as she trails her eyes from top to bottom, her mouth falls at the simple yet elegant details. "This is perfect! I highly doubt that it's not going to catch every exposed eye present at the event."

Your flush profusely at her comment. "Thanks but I'll be bringing a coat with me."

That triggered her, but of course you're only teasing. "You better effing not." She warns you and you chuckle, taking the dress from her and evenly brushing the skirt.

"I won't, you can sleep soundly tonight."

You assure her of the possibility. As you exit the boutique with a few bags you're not used to holding, Lucy takes out her phone and gasps, her face contorting with a little disbelief. "Uh oh, this might ruin your mood." She hands you the phone and you gape at her confusingly before taking a quick look.

Ben's posted some updates on his wedding preparations, shockingly tagging you, Joe, Gwil and Lucy in one photo. He's pretty busy alright; unable to text or call you for days but miraculously tagging you out of nowhere.

You come to disregard it until you notice one minute but important detail hidden in plain sight in all of his posts– there isn't a single one with him and Rosy together alone. None of such as well on his new ones.

The only post he's had with a close girl is the one with you, which is at the very bottom of his Instagram feed. You won't admit it but it warms your heart a little. Actually, a whole lot despite wondering why there's none of him and his fiancee. You hand Lucy her phone back and tilt your head to one side, suddenly finding the eagerness to go on shopping. "Let's go."

The following week comes as a radial blur contrasted to the slightly moderate one you just woke up from; your manager phoning you up to take the earliest shift you've had in years at the expense of your allotted time to rest, the heavy workload and rush hours in the upcoming hours followed by the slowest progress of filing your travel documents and visa needed for your departure on the 26th. You've got tons of missed calls from your parents and Joe, who's requested for you to pack up early since you'll be leaving for LA with Lucy on the day of the awards but earlier.

Also noting that you still need to double check the costs for flying to LA and back, ruling out the one exclusive for your flight on the 26th.

For mere days you feel as if you could lose your sanity as your life spirals into madness with everything you're required to do– whether or not you're obliged to do it.

But they are effective distractions for that problem you are still very much preoccupied with. That's a matter noteworthy of later discussion. Amidst all the chaos happening, part of you wishes for Ben to reply to your messages or even talk to you in the slightest. You never bothered to call this week since he's tied up but the least he could do is let you know how he's doing, if he's thinking of you once in a thousand passing seconds.

You give up for a day waiting on him and drown yourself in work.

- - - - - - -

Securing your phone between your tilted head and your shoulder as you indulge in your talk with Joe through the line, you crouch and zip your luggage bag close. Your eyes fixating themselves on two, separate luggage bags for two, separate travels.

"Was that all of it?" Joe's disembodied voice asks. You spring up and take your phone between your fingers. "Pretty much. I better have a kick out of something by the time we touchdown tomorrow– it's my first visit to the US." You inform him, leaping into your bed and landing comfortably.

He chortles softly and ensures you. "I know and you can be sure to expect a good par- ow! Bad kitty!" His smooth transition to a yelp amuses you for split second.

"Are you alright? "

"No. I'm finally feline food to my kid." He refers to his pet cat that has taken a small nibble on his finger, in which Joe returns with a light ruffle to its fur. You can't help but giggle heartily at him.

"Anyway, I'm picking you and Lucy up from LAX tomorrow." He gives you that heads up and you bring your hand up to your forehead. "Where will we be staying?"

"I've booked a hotel earlier so you've got nothing to worry about the moment you land." A faint crunch can be heard from your end and you mind to ask Joe about it. "Are you- are you eating?"

To answer your question, he bites down on his food sloppily and guarantees you of what you heard. You smack your lips together as your eyes narrow in bewilderment.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Sometimes you make it easier for me to hit you with a pillow."

"Is that how you treat your boyfriend?" He taunts at you and cackles, his distorted voice bouncing off of the walls of your room. You sigh, defeated by the fact that this charade is still going on. It's silly and immature yet you and Joe somehow managed to stick to the act.

"Speaking of boyfriend though– would he be furious if I told him that I couldn't be there on his wedding day?" Since you're rested and got nothing else to distract you, you pop the question to Joe.

"Ben?"

You hum softly.

"There are two scenarios that we need to consider," on his end, Joe taps his finger on his lips as he thinks of said scenarios, "Best case scenario- he would get discouraged and slightly unmotivated, and obviously sad, but he'd still support you cause that's your dream."

You sit up and twirl the ends of your hair around your finger, swallowing. "And worst case scenario?"

Joe falls silent before exhaling harshly. "You'd crush his soul, heart, everything ranging from physical to spiritual and it would take a toll– and I mean a substantial toll on your friendship."

"Joe, don't make it sound like a prospect! "

"That is, " he adds strongly, "if he finds out that you had meant for him to be oblivious to it." And he's right. But you had a reason. You still do. Even if you do end up telling him and he supports you, you need a great deal of space to move on.

As long as he's committed to Rosy and you're in the sidelines still in love with him, it's just something toxic. You couldn't love anybody they way you do Ben and you feel like you'll never love someone like him ever again. Albeit how clueless he is sometimes and clumsy, you both had survived every storm and wave. So sticking around to witness him give his hand and heart to someone else is torture for you.

"I'm gonna be direct and say-" just as you begin talking, your phone shrills to another caller, cutting you off from Joe.

One look at the screen and your heart begins racing. Speak of the devil. You reserve an explanation for cutting off and answer Ben, clearing your throat. "You're late."

Ben's gruff chuckle welcomes you back. "I know, I'm so sorry. Busiest week I've had and the lady at Starbucks signed my cup like a snail."

"What are you doing tonight that requires coffee?"

"Call me dramatic- or do so, given that I'm an actor- but I just want to stargaze right now." You hear a light rustle coming from his end, like he's seated out on his lawn.

Silently giving him the 'oh really' look, you spread one side of the curtain to let some moon light in. "Ben, you're leaving early tomorrow."

He hums, seemingly enjoying himself. "But that's not an excuse to not enjoy the night." This boy can not get any cornier. You cast your gaze upon the moon, sighing profoundly. "How did the wedding planning go? Good?"

"Hm, yeah. Church wedding, big reception. Whole lot of booze binging planned out. And a killer bachelor party the day after the awards. " He jokes through the line and you tell him off in a playful chide. "Benjamin Jones, you better-"

"I won't. I won't." You sense his gentle smile from your end, checking the time and reluctantly coming to the decision to hit the hay since you'll be leaving early as well. As much as you want to recreate those late night conversations you once had with him, you can't.

"Hey?" You coo somehow.

"Yeah?"

"I gotta sleep. I have to meet Lucy at the airport at 5."

He gives out a throaty grunt as if he's pulling himself up. "Tragic. I'll see you in LA then, love."

Your lips curl up into the gentlest smile with the moonlight blessing it from the window. "You too. Tell yourself and the rest- especially Brian and Roger- that I'm gonna be rooting for you guys to get up on that stage."

"I will. Thanks for the motivation, Y/N. All the words coming from you just mean so much to me. To all of us." And in his voice, you can hear his utmost sincerity and fondness just highlighting his tone.

"Anytime. Now let me sleep, you bloke. "

"Haha, alright. Love you tons, love."

Shifting your eyes to the sky once more, you reply, allowing the words you're about to say to mean more.

"I love you too, Ben. Good night."

- - - - - - -

24th

You had promised Lucy you'd arrive 10 minutes earlier than her and you really didn't hold on to that promise. As soon as you arrive at the airport nearly bathing in sweat and deaf from the multiple rings Lucy has given you, you both take off to the waiting area with your heavy luggage where you spend an hour and a half waiting for your flight to board. Joe has sent two texts telling you that he's still in the middle of having coffee and it's a questionable action since he's 8 hours behind you and is expected to be asleep by now.

You reply with a simple, "See you there" before heeding to the call of your flight number from the speakers.

All the rushing and you haven't had a bite of breakfast yet. An eleven hour flight doesn't sound so bad, as long as you make sure you don't reel everytime you get up to use the bathroom and acquire jet lag the moment you land from a direct flight without any pit stops. The flight is long as you are awake but by the time you fall asleep in between hours, it shortens the duration. The pilot announcing your arrival wakes you and Lucy from the latest nap you've had on the plane. After gathering your luggage and answering a couple of phone calls on you way down the plane, the arrival area is where you spy Joe behind the red tapes, a scarf around his neck and an eager look plastered on his pale skin, just waiting for you and Lucy to step in. His eyes crinkle as he sees you both treading towards him with a handful of luggage. He greets you both with a tight hug and ushers you to his car, assisting with the transport of your things.

He's booked you in the hotel he's staying in to, of course, avoid some minor inconveniences especially since the awards start at 7 pm and you drastically need Lucy to help you prepare. Upon reaching the hotel, he leads the both of you up the second floor and into the hall for your rooms.

Apparently you and Lucy will be sharing which is the great and Joe will be staying in the room right across yours.

After giving yourselves a brief tour of the room, you settle in and unpack your essentials.

"Y/N, bring out your fighter!" Lucy declares with a giggle, pulling the dress she's chosen from her suitcase. It's a purple, off-the-shoulder, crepe satin and black velvet gown that cascades gracefully against the stable air.

Your eyes widen in awe at how it looks against the light. "No need for a match, Luce. You win," you raise your hands up in surrender, "that's- that's catching more eyes. From Rami of course."

"Oh shut it. You'll look smooth in black." She clicks her tongue and smoothens it at the edge of the bed. You whip out yours and hold it up high, wavering a little at how you'll look like in it tonight. How fortunate you were to find 3-inch, black pumps closeted when you were 'panic packing' the night before. You take it out from your suitcase and set it aside before striding towards the blinds, pulling it up and beholding the breathtaking view of Hollywood before you.

Your first visit to the US and you're already headed to the Oscars. This isn't the real life. This is just fantasy.

- - - - - - - -

"We're having a dinner party afterwards, I don't see any reason for two sandwiches before the ceremony." Staring blankly at how Joe's handling waiting for you and Lucy to emerge from your room, Rami purses his lips quizzically– he's come by to pick up his girl as well. The two men look dashingly handsome in their black tuxes and slick hairstyles– their individual charm strong as they highly anticipate for your appearances.

Joe swallows the chunk in his mouth before speaking. "I'm stressed."

"About what?"

He bites down on his last sandwich, dusting his hands off crumbs as he reasons out. "It's the Oscars. Biggest ceremony of the year."

With a shake of his head, Rami opens his mouth to protest but pauses as the creak of the door behind them butts in their conversation. Lucy - exquisite in her cascading satin gown and look dotted in light to moderate make up - emerges with her purse in hand and eyes heady on Rami.

Joe wishes he could loosen some hinges in Rami's jaw since the latter has got his mouth agape at her girlfriend's evening look. To him, she is his ultimate award and he wouldn't have it in any other way.

"Hey, babe." Lucy smiles delicately and kisses Rami's cheek, to which he responds with a breathless, "Luce, you look..." His starstruck silence finishing his compliment for her. Joe hums, agreeing with crossed arms. "I wish I was as pretty as you, Boynton."

"You boys look handsome, too." Lucy giggles softly and Joe begins to wonder. "Where's Y/N?"

"She'll be out in three...two..." As Lucy deliberately pauses her countdown, you come out of the room, head down as you feel a bit hesitant to continue but you regain your confidence and look up timidly– your appearance putting Joe in the same position Rami was just in with Lucy. The dress really agrees to your form, contouring every curve of your body in a semi-sensual way, guaranteeing that you'll be snagging some looks tonight. Your (H/C) hair frames your face intricately with your light make-up emphasizing the color of your eyes and lips. The light brush of air against the skin of your exposed back makes you clutch your purse tighter, deeming it uncomfortable.

Lucy smiles proudly at her work and that is you. "Well, how does she look Joe?"

Joe lets out a hitched exhale, hazel eyes wide as a sinkhole and a slacked jaw struggling to budge. "Like my girlfriend."

"You wish." You can't help but retort playfully and he brings his finger up to his lips, hushing you. Rami compliments you as well and you thank him as the four of you make your way to the elevator– your arm on Joe's and Lucy's on Rami's.

You've taken a limo for the sake of convenience, since Joe and Rami wanted to propose a pre-toast - with the champagne present in the vehicle - to their successes and hard work in the past year. You have faith they'd bring home an Oscar; considering how spectacular their work was portraying the members of Queen. You're also thrilled that you're about to meet Brian and Roger.

The limo parks just across Dolby Theatre and the four of you climb out, making your way arms-in-arms into the place crowded with paparazzi and attendees. You see yourself as a small fish swimming in a sea full of majestic dolphins. This is the big leagues right here and you're not even one bit of a celebrity– at least you feel like you aren't one. After a couple of shoulder brushes with either familiar and unfamiliar faces and escaping the blinding flashes of the cameras, the four of you reunite with Gwilym who has Roger and Brian present by his side. You are introduced to the two Queen members by Joe and you couldn't be any more happier to meet them in person. A couple of moments of interacting with the rest of the crew and cast, Ben joins the 'party' looking sharp and admittedly drop-dead gorgeous in his white tuxedo blazer and slicked back hair with Rosy by his side.

Before he could even reply to the greetings of his friends, he lays his eyes on you and for a while– his pupils dilate and his expression flits faster than he can command it to. He can't believe what or who he is seeing before him amidst all the glam. Letting go of Rosy's hand for a minute, he steps close to you, indescribably captivated. "Y/N...h-hey."

You keep your composure, musing back. "Hey. You look left out, outfit-wise, and a like a million bucks."

It takes him nearly five seconds to reply with the way hes has his eyes transfixed on you. It's like he's seeing you for the first time. Your evening look setting him back to Homecoming night and something inside him just tweaks. You avoid his mindless gaze and break the silence, trying your hardest not to flush. "Ben, please talk. It's just really-"

"You look...beautiful." He breathes out like he had just gotten up from under water.

[theluckiestwitchatblackwell]

First Choice

New chapter of First Choice is up on AO3 and FFnet, or available under the cut! I would really appreciate feedback on this one!

Waking up that morning, Tuffnut panicked seeing Ruffnut was gone from their room, before seeing her axe missing too, and breathed a sigh of relief. Remembering his resolution from the night before, he got up and changed, then went to the Ingermans’ house, dragging Fishlegs by the neck of his tunic from his garden to find Snotlout, who was just leaving his house. He grabbed Snotlout by the ankle and, with great effort, dragged them to the edge of the village. He dropped them both, letting them up as he spat out between gritted teeth, “I don’t want either of you near her until she settles down, you hear me?”

“Why, what happened?” “Who are you talking about?” Fishlegs and Snotlout both said.

“I’m talking about Ruffnut, my sister, muttonheads. And what’s wrong is she had a breakdown last night over the stupid wedding announcement.”

“Why? They’re the ones getting married, not her.” Snotlout retorted, still mad about being dragged through the village.

“Um, Snotlout, I think that’s exactly why she’s upset…” Fishlegs replied timidly.

“Why would she want to marry Hiccup?”

“You idiot,” Tuffnut punched Snotlout’s arm, “She’s the last woman on Berk to get married, and now she has to choose one of you, like neither of you ever chose her!”

Both men actually looked shocked, eyes widening and glancing at each other as Tuffnut blew up on them.

“It was always Astrid this, Heather that, or you and your dragons as if you’re gonna go off and marry them, but since they got engaged back on the Edge, that’s when you decided my sister was worthy enough for either of you. Do not talk to her until this blows over.” Breathing heavily, Tuffnut spun on his heel and stalked off towards the forest to look for Ruffnut.

Snotlout huffed and rolled his eyes, looking over at Fishlegs. “So, you’re gonna give up on her?”

“I mean… we should for now, shouldn’t we?”

“Or, we could be there for her and try to cheer her up?” Snotlout said with a devious grin.

Fishlegs, oblivious to his plan, replied cheerfully, “That’s an idea! Surely she’ll be back to her old self soon! Ooh, I could show her some rare plants from my medication garden!” Kicking up his legs in delight, Fishlegs turned to run back to the village.

He wasn’t sure why he decided to outright ignore his friend’s warning, but one thing was clear; Snotlout wasn’t letting Fishlegs sweep her off her feet. ___________________________________________

“Oi, Ruffnut, where are ya?” Tuffnut called, for what seems like the millionth time in half an hour. Apparently, Berk had a lot more trees to throw axes at than he thought. In the distance, he could hear leaves on a tree violently shaking, along with his sister’s tired grunts. Heading towards the sound, he found her leaning over the axe handle, breathing heavily and starting to sweat as she tried to dislodge her axe from the tree.

“Feeling better, now?”

“…hhh…hhh…n-no…”

He gently nudged her away from the axe then, with one hand, took the axe by the handle and wrenched it from the tree, setting it down beside Ruffnut as he guided her to sit down with the other hand.

“I know how stressed you are-“

“No, you don’t, you don’t get it at all!” Ruffnut lashed out at him, the glare from the sun blinding her as she whipped her head up to face him. “All my life, our mother tried to train me to take over the house for when someone decided to marry me but I’m so useless at that, that’s probably why no one wants me!"

“Now what are you going on about?” Tuffnut went to sit beside her but she stood up suddenly.

“I hate cleaning and I can’t cook worth a boar, the only thing I’m good at is flying with Barf, you and Belch but I can’t even do that by myself-"

“You don’t have to prove to anyone that you can do anything yourself.” Tuffnut grabbed her flailing arms, locking them by her sides. "If they don’t want to marry you then that’s their problem, not yours.”

“Sure feels like my problem,” she mumbled as she sat down again, pulling her knees to her chin. Tuffnut sat beside her, putting an arm around her as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

“You know I can teach you how to cook, right? And cleaning can be kinda… therapeutic, if no one tells you to do it. Everything feels nicer knowing you did it and wanted to do it.”

She scoffed, retorting, “Well since you’re just gonna live with us why can’t you do it?”

“I won’t always be around to help you, you know.”

“Don’t say that. Just because we’re Vikings doesn’t mean we won’t live and die together.”

He pulled away slightly. “What, so if I die you’re gonna go off yourself?”

“And I expect you’ll do the same.”

He shook his head. “You’re crazy.”

“If I am then you are too, twin.”

Suddenly, Snotlout burst into the clearing. “Well finally, I’ve found you Ruff!"

[heyymonkey2]

First Night Back in Fuuga Ch 34: Somewhere Only We Know

AO3 Link to Chapter 34

Summary: Hak whisks Yona away for a night of romance

Yona is surprised when Hak leaves her in Mundok’s care for the afternoon. It isn’t like him to leave her when he’s concerned. Even stranger, it isn’t like him to go make preparations.

Sure, historically he’s been known venture off on his own… but to weapon shops. And obviously he’s well-versed in making preparations when it’s for a battle.

But this is neither of those things. This is beyond what Yona understands to be the scope of any Wind boys’ activities in general. Hak is off making preparations for her. A girl. His lover.

Yona is so curious she can barely stand it.

It’s hours later when Hak returns. But the room he left Yona in is empty.

He can’t help it when his heart speeds up and his mind starts racing through unlikely and terrible scenarios. Of course, he weighs them all as though they probably just happened.

So now he’s rushing through the palace halls, breaking into a full run and looking around frantically. He's sweating -- and he’s not the kind of guy who sweats even while training with a dozen men.

Hak tries to imagine where she could have gone. But she’s not in her room. Not with the dragons and Yun. Not with Min-Soo. Just when his hand starts itching for a glaive and his eyes begin to narrow into beast mode--

--there’s Mundok standing outside Hak’s old room.

Oh? She went here? Hak’s surprised, alright. He approaches to set his heart at ease.

“Couldn’t have stayed in one place, eh?”

Mundok glances sideways at his fired-up grandson, “You can’t leave a flower in a dark room and expect it to grow. She needed fresh air.”

“The air in there is definitely not fresh,” Hak cringes, staring at his door.

Mundok looks upward as though speaking to the gods, “The princess misses him and he still complains.”

Hak shakes his head as he passes and enters his room to find her -- and there she is at the window, perfectly framed, the light reflecting off her mesmerizing crimson locks.

Yona turns with a bright smile to see him, “It was so rare for me to ever come in here.”

“I wasn’t aware you ever did…” Hak scratches the back of his head, still in disbelief that she’s even in here now. The room's not much compared to what she was used to.

“Well,” Yona comes to him, wraps her arms around his firm waist, and snuggles her face against his chest. Oh, I missed you… “Sometimes when I wanted to come get you, I stood there in the door when you opened it. I may have peeked a little...”

Hak laughs in a breath as he recalls -- he was always shocked back in those moments, too. Why come for him when she had dozens of servants at her beck and call? Yet he was always secretly pleased when she did. He always wanted to be near her. Speaking of... “You never stay put when I ask you to, did you know that?”

Yona can hear his still-rapid heartbeat, “Were you worried?”

“Terrified.”

She looks up at his serious expression and her countenance slips into concern.

Seeing that, Hak adds, “But every time I get to be this relieved,” and he brushes a strand of hair away as he caresses her cheek.

“I’m glad,” Yona reaches her hands up and pulls his face down to hers. The return of his lips is so needy it takes her breath away. And she realizes just how concerned he truly must have been.

When they pull apart… “So… where do I get to be alone with you tonight?”

Hak looks to the side of the simple room, his cheeks turning pink, “Just come along. You’ll see.”

Yona feels something glow deep inside her. Aww, Hak’s embarrassed...

The moon is full in the sky, trees casting deep shadows and fireflies aglow as Hak leads Yona cloaked on horseback along a trail lined by tall grass.

Yona is thoroughly enjoying her view. Tonight Hak is wearing those formal Wind Tribe robes she likes so much. Though she hasn’t yet let go of the fact that he didn’t give her time to put on anything particularly ornate herself -- just a simple day dress. How is it fair that he gets to look so good while her hair is unruly and body cloaked?

Yona stops her pouty train of thought when she sees it -- a gorgeous bath house on the edge of this forest just beyond the palace grounds. It appears so welcoming. Warm light spills out into the foliage. Clear pools of water from natural springs spill off to the side and out behind the edifice.

“Hak…” Yona’s mouth is agape, her eyes taking in the pretty, secret wonder.

Hak's still looking forward as he leads her, “I promised I would do my best to do everything right if it’s with you,” finally he stops and turns to her, so shy but sincere, “In the Wind Tribe, when a husband learns his wife is with child, it’s tradition for him to honor her and celebrate together. A night alone, a special feast, and thanks to the gods.”

“Hak…” Yona is still speechless.

Hak blushes as he helps Yona down from the horse so she can take in this beautiful place she’s never been. Unlike Hak, who has countless secret spots in the woods around Fuuga from his childhood, Yona was never allowed to step foot outside the palace to find special places. That's a major part of why he chose here.

“If you’d like… this can be somewhere only we know,” he reaches out for her hand.

Yona places her hand in his, "I'd love that," then as he leads her, “This is incredible. How did you find it?”

“Well, technically Mundok knows about it and the servants who prepared it tonight. But few know it exists because it was your mother’s.”

“Hhh,” Yona gasps, tears welling in her eyes.

Hak turns, “Is it OK?”

But Yona’s smiling now, “It’s perfect,” looking up at Hak, “I’ve never been to a place I knew was special to my mother and father before. ...you taking me here to celebrate our baby and give thanks… it feels… like maybe somehow, somewhere they can feel this happiness with us.”

Hak squeezes Yona’s hand. I like that thought, too. When they reach the threshold, Hak stops them, “There’s one condition.”

“Hm?”

“You’re not a princess tonight.”

Yona looks up at Hak in shock, “Is that part of the tradition?!”

Hak searches, “Sort of… technically there are no princesses in the Wind Tribe. But what I mean is… I want you to relax. Pretend we’re just a boy and a girl from a village. On this kind of night, they’re allowed one responsibility only,” he’s serious now, “to love and be loved.”

“Hhh!” Yona gasps again as Hak so suddenly scoops her up in his arms and carries her over the threshold. It's a beautiful, perfectly-sized room with sitting and sleeping arrangements. Yona's cheeks are pink, eyes sparkling. Hak is being so romantic…?!

Hak gently sits her down on tatami mats at a low table on the floor and kisses the top of her head before heading to the other side of the room.

Yona watches him return with a tray of various foods already prepared for them. Hak notices Yona is off in her head, almost frowning at the tray.

“Not hungry?” he offers as though he’d happily whisk it all away as quickly as he brought it.

“Oh!” Yona regains herself and then with a little embarrassment, “Sorry, I was thinking of you as a village boy and me a village girl and then realized… you never would have married me.”

“I would have.”

Wow, there was zero hesitation there. But... Yona pleads, “No way! Remember when you brought me back to the Wind Tribe the first time? All the elders were at a loss at how I could be so… I can’t do any of the things a wife should,” she looks down at the tray and laments, “I can’t cook at all.”

Hak lifts the towel off one of the baskets.

Yona looks down, “Bean jam buns?!” her eyes widen at the meaning behind these for she and Hak -- from a time when they were both at the palace before, “Did you ask for these to be here?”

“I wonder…” he feigns innocence.

“You hated when I made these for you!”

He lifts one and takes a bite, “Relax, Princess…,” then correcting himself, “I mean, Yona. Do you know why I ate all of them that day?”

“You said it was so no one else would be poisoned.”

“Because you said you wanted to make something for someone you loved. And…” now he’s blushing big time, “you said you were making them for me.”

Yona’s breathing quickens. He remembered. But, “Then why did you tell my dad they were awful?”

“They were truly terrible. I could barely keep them down.”

Pouting, “You’re not making any sense, Hak. Why are you bringing this up like that’s a good memory?”

Looking straight in her eyes, “Bean jam buns have been my favorite food since that day.”

In the second Yona feels that sentiment hit her heart, Hak leans over the table and steals a kiss from her lips. When he pulls away he affirms, “I would have married you.”

Yona stares at this crazy man.

Hak goes on, “When you love someone… doesn’t anything that comes from them become precious?” then smirking, “If we were villagers, I would have died from your food. ...but I would have died happy.”

Yona is half-glowing and half-ready-to-hit-him. As she reaches to enjoy a bun with him, she notices the wedding band on her finger. Hak had spent most of the money he’d earned from being her bodyguard and saved in Fuuga in order to get it on the day of their wedding. It’s true that men like Tae-Jun or Soo-Won could have afforded something triple the expense and beyond. But to Yona, this ring is the most precious, perfect piece of jewelry she’ll ever own.

“Hak,” Yona starts as she works on an enormous bite.

“Hmm?” He responds, chewing his own.

“I would have married you, too.”

He stops chewing for a second. Yona knows he naturally doesn’t believe her.

“You think I didn’t ever notice you.”

Still not chewing.

Yona wipes some red bean from off her cheek with mild embarrassment, “I wouldn’t have been so self-conscious all the time if I didn’t know you were there.”

Hak smiles a little as he begins to chew again.

“Always making those rude remarks!” Yona doesn’t let go, then, “But you were always looking out for me. I don’t know how to describe it… I always felt comfortable with you. Safe.”

Making his point, “You can feel that way with friends though. You don’t necessarily marry your friends.”

“Hak,” she demands he listen, “if you were a village boy and I was a village girl, I would have married you. Even in the palace when,” she hates saying it, but, “there were reasons I should have looked other places for suitors first, didn’t I always come running to you for everything? Ask you to come with me everywhere? More than anyone else. I didn’t recognize it at first because I was so used to you always being there and I didn’t have any context. ...but the feeling was always there. You were always special to me. More special than just a friend.”

Hak looks down at the tray of food as he tries to regulate his body so he doesn’t look as moved as he is. Yona knows every behavior of his, so of course she notices. But she just enjoys watching the struggle and doesn’t say a word.

Still looking down, Hak moves a hand over one of Yona's, then musters something, if even a new topic, “I’m relieved to see you ate something.”

Yona bites her lower lip, “When I’m with you, my body gets so at ease sometimes it forgets there was ever any discomfort.”

Hak slowly looks up from their hands, following the line of her beautiful extended slender arm to her face, lip still trapped under her gentle bite.

Oh no. Hak’s plan was not to pressure Yona into anything physical tonight. He wants her body to heal and be rested. But the way she’s looking at him now… well maybe he can control himself?

So he does what he always can't not with this girl he loves, “If you have the energy… the moon is still out. Wanna go for a swim?”

[krykir-blog]

My Experience With Transitioning

fuck me im just copying and pasting what I’ve done up until now

Info already so right now i think im nonbinary but i think i might be completely trans idk (edit later in time: i can say for sure I am completely trans, not just nonbinary.), ive felt this way for a while and my bud sen helped me figure it all out bc i was hella confused and i felt very masculine. A year and a few months ago I cut my hair super short and realized that this was how I've always wanted it because oh my god if i ever grew long hair again id want to die, i hate it and i hated how I looked. So that was that and i was like that for a while and I think sometime during the summer of 2015 i figured out what I wanted to be called (ryan). I started out w/ having people on the internet call me that and it was awesome, but kinda weird having people in real life call me by my birth name and it was really odd. Then October came and my stepcousin was getting married- during that wedding was when i told my dad and stepmum i wanted to be called ryan so I consider that to be the time when I actually started transitioning. It took a painfully long time to get my mother on board to be honest, her boyfriend (who is now her ex) was actually down with it right away but of course he didn't call me or my brother that because it would've been awkward, but we had some late night talks about it frequently. When they broke up it was kinda iffy but I think it was soon after that happened that she started calling me and my brother by our preferred names. At a party my parents went to one night they told all their friends about me and my brother and we've been enrolled in a study, which is 6 MRI's total. I've already had 3 MRI's and let me tell you, they suck, but I think later next year I'm gonna have to get my next round- just basically contribution to help trans people or anyone taking hormones to transition. This year I got into high school and I'm going to a place that's pretty far away from where my last school was, so no one there knows me or that I'm female- I'm completely authentic and I think that's pretty cool, it's what I wanted. So far I think that's all you need to know lmao if I have more info to put down i probably will. Thank you guys for the support, i love you <3 8/29/16 First injection of testosterone. No changes yet ofc, but I found that I was hardly hurt by the needle so now I'm a lot more excited lmao. (Dose amount is currently 0.1 ML) 9/5/16 Second injection. Of course, no changes yet, so there's not much to say except this was my first time doing it at home. stepmum did it tbh, it still surprises me at how much it doesnt hurt lmao 9/12/16 Third injection bois. No really noticeable changes yet however i think i have a bit more hair growth from where the bellybutton is down to the nether areas which is still something and I'll take it xD I'm starting to think I prefer shots in the arm tho. Surprisingly they don't hurt as much as far as I can tell?? it's pretty neat lmao 9/19/16 Still no noticeable changes. I can now say for sure that shots hurt less in the arm than the leg, surprisingly enough at least for me lmao one month b o i s 9/26/16 (sorry for being super late with updating this one) still no noticeable changes yet, dosage is still small as all hell >> 10/3/16 No noticeable changes that I can identify, but I have a friend who told me that my voice is deeper. regardless of that, it's not at all by much at least to me and there's still nothing super noticeable and it's rather irritating. 10/7/16 Not a shot, but my first MRI after getting the three baseline scans before I got testosterone. I got my blood drawn more than I ever have and it got to the point where my vision became brightly dotted and my ears started ringing like mad, it was awful, i thought i was gonna pass out. But the MRI itself was actually a lot better than my last three scans, theyve made so many improvements to make it less anxiety inducing. 4/6 MRIs done, 1/3 blood draws done. 10/10/16 SEVENTH SHOT OF T I'VE BEEN OVER THE MOON TODAY THO 'CAUSE I'M GETTING MY DANK ASS FRIEND A BINDER AS fOR the actual T, I haven't noticed any super big changes but my friends are like "yeah jesus christ ur voice is deeper" so I GUESS THATS THAT I also started recording my voice after the sixth shot so ill keep up w/ that too as much as I can 10/17/16 Still no noticeable changes to me, however we got new needles and the measurements are different and it's weird but ye nothing super exciting to say I guess hhh sorry for being so slow at updating this rip 10/24/16 This time the needle really hurt and idk why but oh well. Still no noticeable changes besides more hair growth on my legs and the happy trail area. I compared my voice now to my 6th shot and there's no distinct difference >> i really wish my dosage was higherrrr Also for some reason I keep having dreams of me with longer hair?? it's really not okay :'D I don't recognize pictures of myself with long hair anymore tho so I guess that's something. 10/31/16 -ok so i dont remember getting a shot this day but w/e, im late to updating it- still no noticeable changes 11/7/16 SO I GAVE MYSELF A SHOT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS AWFUL 1- I PRICKED MY FINGER AND IT STARTED BLEEDING A LOT AND IT STILL HURTS 2- WHEN I ACTUALLY PUT IT IN MY ARM I DIDNT PUT IT IN DEEP ENOUGH SO IT ALL STARTED COMING OUT AND I WAS BLEEDING A LOT IM SICK FROM SCHOOL TODAY AND I HAD DETERMINATION TO DO IT BUT I DIDNT DO WELL 11/14/16 soRRY FOR BEING AWFUL AT UPDATING i had a really shitty monday this most recent monday but its ok my friend brought their trans bf over and watched me and my borther put in our shots and it was chill no noticeable changes to report i dont think 11/21/16 Nothing special to report, the needle kinda stung tho oddly 11/28/16 AAAND MY DOSAGE IS NOW 0.2 BOIS I GO BACK IN 3 MONTHS AND ITLL PROBS BE UPPED TO 0.3 BUT IM EXCITED I loved the nurse who drew my blood lmao she was really cool, i love the people who work in that office so much. They're all so nice ;v; I have a bit more acne and my doctor said my voice sounded a bit deeper, so I guess I'll take it. Things should hopefully speed up at 0.2. 12/5/16 Second shot on 0.2! It didn't hurt as bad as the last one which is good~ I've been noticing more acne on my face nd shoulders which is also hella //well in progress terms it is 12/12/16 YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING MORE RASPY AND I CAN CRACK IT ALL OVER THE PLACE EASIER THAN I COULD BEFORE ITS NOT SUPER NOTICEABLE YET BUT IM GETTING THERE IM EXCITE SORRY FOR BEING SHITTY AT UPDATING THIS ITS OK 12/19/16 BREATHES NOTHING SUPER NOTEWORTHY BUt my voice iS noticeably going down- not a ton buT AGAIN ITS GETTING THERE ;V; My arm really hurts tho for the first time after and idk why 'cause the shot iddnt hurt at all 12/25/16 Not a shot but just a lil random update ;;v; MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ERRYONE BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU ALL HAd a great day! sO onto the stuff Today I got an assload of money and I'm deciding to spend a lot of it on a packer and a packing harness. I already bought the harness but I'm gonna have my dad order the packer since there's no good ones on amazon hhhh buT YE IM PUMPED ILL HAVE A BULGE 12/30/16 HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING REALLY NOTICEABLY DEEP IM LITERALLY SCREAMING [link] 1/5/17 I GOT MY PACKER MOTHERFUCKERS ITS HUGE AND ITS GREAT AND IVE GOT A DICK NOW 1/9/17 This is the day I officially became male. This is the day I officially became Ryan. I never have to write my birth name ever again. I am so fucking happy. The judge was super super nice and I was anxious as fuck but it ended up super well. Voice is still getting deeper and im getting hairier in some places, it's great~

[smol-pilots]

code: calico

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: role play fuck my brains out bc i just virtually sucked someone's cock and got nothing in return

Stranger: why did you do that?

You: that's not a bad question

You: idk i thought i'd get something in return

Stranger: i guess so. some reward :D

You: yeah exactly

Stranger: it's like in movies, why girls are sluty

Stranger: they want something in return

You: hah i mean it's only fair isn't it?

Stranger: i think its kind of self deception

You: that's also not a bad remark

You: i always blindly believe men

You: i mean not blindly but

Stranger: we believe what we want to believe.

Stranger: so the important thing is what we want

Stranger: i mean, people want to "live happily ever after"

You: tru

Stranger: they imagine family, love and so on

You: but what do i want

You: i don't really fit into that tbh

Stranger: o.k., so what do you want

You: i mean i don't want family

You: i guess i wouldn't mind love but i don't expect it

Stranger: o.k., maybe you want relationship?

You: i don't even know what it feels so

You: i can't really feel any romantic feelings towards people?

You: it's kind of

You: sad actually

Stranger: do you feel like life is meaningless?

You: yeah

Stranger: maybe out of boredom you just try to have some "fun"

You: i mean exactly

You: i don't expect anyone to love me because i know i probably won't love anyone so

Stranger: oh

Stranger: by the way

You: yes?

Stranger: one good song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voi-aQlvP68 heard it yesterday in a movie

Stranger: stange movie, "Calico Skies"

Stranger: strange

You: i'm listening to the song and i really like it, thank you!

You: noted, i'll put it on my to-watch list :)

Stranger: what you said reminded my of the lyrics of this song

Stranger: she's kind of sad because she knows a man will love her, be she will not so much

You: okay i really like the song??? the voice is so nice also i rly like this type of music

Stranger: do you watch Game of Thrones?

You: i watched like 2 season but then i stopped hhh you?

Stranger: i watch it. yeah, 2 season was impressive. the red wedding, isn't it?

You: yup

You: i see there's so much drama now hahah

Stranger: :) yeah, they lost it, i guess

Stranger: the beggining was building impressive,

Stranger: anyway

Stranger: you are f or m?

You: f

You: you?

Stranger: m

Stranger: so why girls suck cocks, it quite nonsensical

Stranger: gross acitivyt

You: i mean tru but i guess it's for the dude's pleasure? also it's kinda fun to have so much power over someone

Stranger: yeah, but this is zero sum game - pleasure for the dude, but for the sucker what?

Stranger: nah, it never appealed to me

You: it's a lot of work actually but i guess all of this is just giving and receiving

Stranger: i think physically it's quite troublesome

Stranger: for a woman

You: i mean it usually takes time??

You: and then everything just starts to hurt bc the dude can't come that fast and it's just

You: uh

Stranger: yeah. crazy stuff

Stranger: but people do many crazy things :)

You: hah that's true

Stranger: what's your country?

You: uk

Stranger: old good uk :)

You: hahahahh

You: you?

Stranger: russia

You: oh nice!

You: ive never been there but i rly want to go to moscow

Stranger: come sometimes, we'll drink a lot of vodka together

You: oh my god no vodka always kills me

Stranger: :D

Stranger: it kills everyone

You: that's like my top three worst drunk moments all involved vodka it's the devil

Stranger: ha ha ha

Stranger: wine is also tricky, it is very intoxicating

Stranger: try a lot of red wine

Stranger: you'll see :D

You: i love wine tho

You: but yeah it also hits pretty hard hahahah

You: how old are u tho?

Stranger: 28

You: ah i'm 24

Stranger: vow vow, we would make a perfect pair :D

You: hahahh we really would :)

Stranger: anyway, why people always try to pair at all?

Stranger: natures call?

You: i have no idea

You: i mean is it really tho

You: i don't think it's nature, it's the culture

You: the society

You: everyone is always shocked when i tell them that i'm single and i don't want kids because they're like??? but how??

You: everyone expects things according to the society they live in and it's kinda annoying sometimes

Stranger: yeah, it's quite strange. everyone want to live by that stream: family, kids, happy life. no alternatives

You: exactly

You: it's like i'm obliged to live my life by this rule

You: and i'm weird if i don't follow

Stranger: but even if people remain single, they want to get romantically involved

Stranger: that is also strange

Stranger: it's like some software inside of us,

You: tru. i sometimes catch myself wishing i'd have a boyfriend and a house and two kids and a dog bc i remember i wished for all that when i was a child. and then once again i see that my parents told me that this is how it is? you get older, you get married, have kids, a house, a job and that's what i also wished for when i was younger

You: i was raised by these values

You: and now that i'm older and i don't want that anymore but i feel like at the same time a part of me maybe still hopes that one day everything would just go the way a young me dreamed it to be

Stranger: when i was younger, i also had dreams about family. and all people about 20 yo i know have the same. almost all.

You: really?

You: what do you want?

Stranger: with time i have seen that this is very big struggle, family, kids, relationship, and "you do not get what you imagine". so i drop those young dreams. they were not realistic. it was illusions of young person. i did not know life and did not know the world.

Stranger: i want to rise above the problems of this life. to get free.

Stranger: not to get entangled more and more

You: the first part!!

You: i really believe that this is what contributed to the majority of crap i had to go through as a teenager and up to this day

You: u see but how does one get free

You: i feel like time to actually! enjoy this life is running out and at the same time i feel there's just sooo much left of it and i'm just passing by, doing things that don't make me happy

You: (bc i don't really know what makes me happy)

You: (imma go brush my teeth and shit i might be gone for about ten minutes okay?)

You: (and shit does not mean take an actual shit i just meant it as "and other stuff")

Stranger: o.k., yes, please do the needful. i'll have some time to reflect. :)

Stranger: i see it like this: I want to be happy just by existing. To rise above my own mental structures, that don't let me feel happy, don't let me feel light and content. I think, if one in his soul "takes everything very easy", not burdening himself with so many false ideas about why he is this or that, and just tries to be, to exist authentically, as a being that is free, then it is good state of consciousness.

Stranger: just to feel that lightness.

Stranger: do i need to do something for that, some big projects of life? I dont think so. Just need to give up some mental stuff. It's all in the mind.

Stranger: if man will simply change his mind, he can be happy. And so many jobs, responsibilies and relationships will not make him happy. It will be just a lot of troubles.

Stranger: anyway, we are all after happiness. the only question is, where is that real happiness

You: that's actually a very interesting perspective that i do find myself agreeing to but at the same time i feel like in theory it sounds ideal and simple but it's really hard to just let go of what's in your mind

Stranger: you are right :) it not easy

You: i was very hung up on the happiness thing as i felt unhappy all the time. and i wondered whether or not you're ever really happy in life. and i asked my mother (u know the older the wiser or smth) and she said that happiness isn't really a long period of time but rather a moment here and there that makes you happy to be alive

You: and that thought made me really sad at the time because i always felt like happiness is something that comes in time - when you get older, wiser, more experienced etc but now i'm discovering my mother wasn't really wrong?

You: at least that's how i experience life

You: my colleague tho, she lovES life. literally loves it. the most positive bright cheerful happy person i have ever seen w my two eyes. and it's just weird bc what did she do how did she achieve this bliss how can she see this life so full of good things

You: it's just

You: so weird

Stranger: it depends on what we do. I think, it's real assessment of ordinary life - happiness are just rear and fleeting moments. but i my life there were some periods where i felt very happy for considerable periods of time. no i do not feel so happy. and with age, happiness diminishes, i think, because the body begins to make a lot of problems. then one is not as energetic as before. and you have to work and survive with less and less energy to accomplish that.

Stranger: i thing technologies, computers, internet steal a lot of happiness

Stranger: i went to asia for some time, and after few months i revived the joy of life

You: that's true but it's also what made it really tough to keep living - that it won't get better in time. i was really sad and depressed for the majority of my teenage years so being alive while people kept telling me it's only gonna get harder wasn't really a good thing for me i guess. but at least my expectations weren't that high hahah

You: that's true but at the same time i depend on them to distract me from life so it's really in contradiction

Stranger: it can get better

You: ohh where did u go

Stranger: it must

You: i mean that's what i want to believe but like someone give me idk an age at which it gets better hh

Stranger: with good strategy, there is way. i think so. because I experienced it for a while. I does not depend on the age

Stranger: i may be unhappy for the rest of my life, if i do not try, and stay as i am

Stranger: but if i will apply whatever i learned about happiness, i may achieve something, as i had before.

You: that's a really nice and positive thought

You: i'll keep it in mind

Stranger: if there is hunger, there must be food. so if we are hungry for happiness, it must be out there. or inside of us.

Stranger: oh my god, it's 1 am here

Stranger: forgot myself while talking this stuff :)

You: but it's just so annoying my time is ticking?

You: hahahah

You: i really enjoyed it tho

You: it's rare to find someone to have this kind of conversation with

Stranger: o.k., lets think of a keyword by which we can find each other on omegle again.

Stranger: :)

You: okay

You: :)

Stranger: i know. "Calico". you'll find me by this.

You: good one. i'm going to write it down so i don't forget :)

You: also so i don't forget to download the songs

[surveyjunkie]

my surveys are all out of order so i’m going to stop doing the number thing.

1. Are looks important in a relationship? I think being attracted is important, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be to their looks. 

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Some are

3. Are you a virgin? Nope.

4. Are you in a relationship? Yes.

5. Are you in love? Yes.

6. Are you single this year? Obviously not. 

7. Can you commit to one person? Yes.

8. Describe your crush: My boyfriend is a tech/video game/movie nerd. Immature sense of humor yet smart, just like me. On the shorter side but still taller than me. Light skin, dark hair, big blue eyes. Wears dark, thick, glasses that are actually the same prescription as mine and dresses slightly hipsterish, but I don’t think he means to. Genuine, funny, caring, and a bit of a hypochondriac. 

9. Describe your perfect mate: I just did.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? No.

11. Do you ever want to get married? Yes. Just look at my fucking Pinterest. I’m not going to deny that I dream of having a wedding one day. 

12. Do you forgive betrayal? Apparently, just look at who I’m still friends with.

13. Do you get jealous easily? Eh, I can, but I don’t let it get to me. I try not to be the crazy jealous type, even though certain things bother me a bit sometimes. 

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Just my boyfriend

15. Do you have any piercings? I have 5

16. Do you have any tattoos? No

17. Do you like kissing in public? Sometimes. Just a peck here and there, but definitely not making out. Unless I’m wasted and don’t care. 

18. Do you shower every day? Usually every other.

19. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I know someone does.

20. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

21. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Um, yeah...?

22. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Maybe. I really don’t know, man. I wanna be but I don’t know if it’ll happen.

23. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? Yeah, which is why I am.

24. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes.

25. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Ha, my first boyfriend in high school did. 

26. Have you ever been cheated on? Possibly. It’s not confirmed. 

27. Have you ever cheated on someone? No.

28. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Yes, I’d change my breasts

29. Have you ever cried over a guy? Yes.

30. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes, many times

31. Have you ever had sex with a man? Yes.

32. Have you ever had sex with a woman? No.

33. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes.

34. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? No. I was friends with Josh before he asked me out, but I didn’t know him long enough to consider him one my best friends. 

35. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Nate. They didn’t hate him, but they warned me about him. And my parents HATED him. 

36. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yeah 

37. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes.

38. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? I don’t think so.

39. Have you had sex so far this year? Yes.

40. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Not very long. But usually I just let my boyfriend make the first moves. 

41. How long was your longest relationship? Two years. 

42. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Five boyfriends. 

43. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? Uhhh, like 4 or 5. 

44. How many times did you have sex last year? I didn’t keep track...I had a fling who I was hooking up with last May then I got together with my current boyfriend shortly after that. 

45. How old are you? 24

46. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I don’t even know. I’d probably be speechless.

47. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? His nerdy-ness. I love when he goes on and on about something he’s interested in, whether it be computer-related or not. 

48. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I don’t know if I can call my high school boyfriend my “first true love”, but let’s just go with it. If he did that, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he did because that’s his personality, I would just laugh hysterically and slam the door in his face. 

49. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Pretty much

50. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? A couple of friends. They’re beyond the point of even putting any more effort into.  

51. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Yeah, there was a girl my boyfriend talked to before he and I got together that blew my inbox up one day with dick pics he sent her back when they were talking. This happened the day we made our relationship “Facebook official”, and I guess she got super jealous or whatever and was trying to get us to break up? I don’t know, but it was weird. She seemed crazy. 

52. Is there someone you will never forget? Of course...

53. Share a relationship story: Nah. All of my relationships up until now have been dysfunctional. 

54. State 8 facts about your body:

I’m average height. 

My boobs are on the smaller side 

I have skinny arms and legs, but a wide ribcage, wide hips and a big butt. 

My skin is olive/tan colored. 

I have very fine hair, but lots of it

I have random freckles and birthmarks everywhere

My belly button is pierced

I have long, narrow feet

55. Things you want to say to an ex: Nothing. 

56. What are five ways to win your heart?

Make me laugh

Be good with children

Be smart/intelligent

Cook.

Be passionate about something.

57. What do you look like? See question 54.

58. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? I think 2 years. 

59. What is the first thing you notice in someone?  Depends

60. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Make me breakfast. 

61. What is your definition of “having sex”? Intercourse

62. What is your definition of cheating? Fucking around with someone else, physically. 

63. What is your favorite foreplay routine? I guess neck kissing/oral sex?

64. What is your favorite roleplay? Isn’t that the same thing you just asked....or.....

65. What is your idea of the perfect date? Carnival/amusement park. 

66. What is your sexual orientation? Straight

67. What turns you off? Stupidity

68. What turns you on? Intelligence

69. What was your kinkiest wet dream? I don’t really think I’ve had anything that kinky. 

71. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Send me flowers. 

72. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? Good hair

73. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? I don’t know, my boyfriend is a great guy and I love him very much but he’s not a romantic. So I can’t think of anything specific he’s done...I’m sure there is I just don’t remember at the moment. 

74. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Not sure. 

75. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? Do what you want, just make sure it’s legal and nobody is being taken advantage of...whether it’s money/sex/etc.

76. What’s your dirtiest secret? I mean, I was talking to someone else at the end of my last relationship but I don’t know if that’s dirty...I didn’t even go on a date with that person until after we broke up. I’ve also slept with someone who had a girlfriend, but everyone knows about so it’s not really a secret. 

77. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Today. I’m jealous of my coworkers and how they’re all married/engaged and seem to have their life together. 

78. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? This morning

79. Who are five people you find attractive?

Josh (my boyfriend)

Uhhh

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80. Who is the last person you hugged? My momma

81. Who was your first kiss with? Next door neighbor, his name was Ray

82. Why did your last relationship fail? He was shady and insane. And I wasn’t in love with. 

83. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Done it before. So I guess I would.