#we've had a rough go at it financially this year and I know we aren't the only ones

[smugraccoon137]

You know not to be like a dick but I hate December. November too while I'm at it. The holidays as a whole are garbage times of the year.

The poor and the hungry and the roofless beg on every street corner.

And people struggle to scrape together enough change for presents. So that their tots don't know that they're parents are actually struggling. And that rents due right after christmas.

Every TV in every store in American is playing the same movie. The family is happy, the kids are fed, and the only thing they can think to wish for is snow on Christmas eve.

All while the people watching this movie beg the cold to stay awat. Because how are they gonna afford that electric bill?

Every year I watch people sink into sorrow as that picture perfect happy Christmas family makes them wonder. What did they do wrong? Why can't I take care of my family?

I just don't understand what everyone's so goddamn cheerful about

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for flirting with my online friend 🌐❓

i (20s, trans man) have been getting closer to my online friend (same as me). we were mutuals for a while in what i can best describe as an online writing community but only started actually talking last year when i approached him to do a project together. we've been pretty strictly platonic for the last year but this year it's ramped up a bit (in part i think due to greater proximity)- we make a lot of sexual jokes at each other. now that's not necessarily a big deal because we do it at other male (and not male in his case) friends of ours, its just sort of how our circle interacts with each other, but it's a bit different for me because i do actually have somewhat of a crush on him. i'm not super sure of how he feels towards me, but i do think he knows at least partially how i feel and is at least humouring our banter.

now here's where i feel like an asshole. i have no intention of dating him at all- even if he does like me back, the reality is that we live on two entirely separate continents and neither of us have the financial means to go see each other. now you could suggest we date long distance or online but i've done that like 4 different times now with 4 different people and i just know it doesn't work for me, for a variety of reasons i won't get into. just trust me when i say it would end poorly. i'm not on speaking terms with any of my exes (nor do i want to be, bar one) and my friend is important enough to me that if we ended up like that then i'd be really upset about it. usually when i break up with someone or am broken up with i'm left with a lot of resentment and bitterness. plus our writing project would be tanked, which i'm not willing to jeopardise because i think it's excellent, he's a great partner.

in addition to that i'm only a few months out of a pretty rough breakup with someone i also had viewed as a close friend (irl, not online). i'm not conflating them here, because they aren't alike whatsoever, but i worry that im using my friend as an emotional rebound to cope with what my ex did to me, even if he doesn't know it. i don't want my ex back and i am honestly still feeling a lot of anger towards him, so it's been nice putting my attention and libido elsewhere. however i know how shitty it feels to be someone else's rebound guy and would hate to do that to my friend. plus i could be stunting my own healing progress?? idk

it initially was just a bit of fun but i've had to privately and seriously talk myself down from getting jealous as fuck when my friend has had other people jokingly (or not jokingly, who knows) flirt with him. i'm a pretty intense person (hi, bpd) so i've been trying to reign myself back and keep things chill and funny between us but i'm getting kind of concerned whether i should stop entirely so my feelings go away or if im fine enjoying giving and being given attention in return, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. even just liking him is kind of breaking three of the rules i'd set for myself after my last few relationship disasters (no more online stuff, no more white boys, let my brain cool down and dont be interested in anyone for at least a year) so i kind of just don't know where i should be taking this if anywhere

[amblingandshambling]

Life

Life has been kinda rough lately. Went through my second miscarriage almost two weeks ago. Apparently I get pregnant very easily, but keep losing. In less than a year, I have had two miscarriages and a chemical. Started seeing a new doctor this time around, and I go back in a little over a week. Hopefully we'll figure out what's going on, besides the obvious issue of my age.

My fiance and I will have been together a year Monday. Has it really been that long? Sure doesn't feel like it. It feels like yesterday that I was nervous about meeting up with my best friend from middle school after twenty years. Some might say that we moved very fast, but we've both had enough losses and tragedies in our lives that when an opportunity for happiness comes up, we grab it with both hands. Being with him, I understand why it never worked out with anyone else, as cliche as that sounds. I also know now what I was waiting for.

Time goes by far too fast. I turned 35 last month, and it doesn't feel like I should be that old. I certainly don't feel that way most of the time in my head or heart (though my body might beg to differ).

I wish that my brother would get his life together. Our parents aren't going to be around forever, and in fact, neither of them are in good health. I can't keep him up, emotionally or financially, if something happens to them.

I'm writing again. I have written almost 1000 words on the latest chapter of What Was, Is, and Will Be, plus written an opening for another of my Weird Crossovers™. It's been pretty therapeutic right now.

Plus, I'm spending time with my two furry kids, Felix and Little Bit