#we're watching tom and jerry now

[britneyshakespeare]

You know you're a good auntie when you're combing someone else's boogers out of your hair

[sophaeros]

arctic monkeys for q magazine, june 2011 (x) (x)

ARCTIC MONKEYS: Inside Alex Turner's Head

Words Sylvia Patterson Portrait John Wright

The day Arctic Monkeys moved into their six bedroom, Spanish-style villa in the Hollywood Hills, where the first-floor balcony looked over the patio swimming pool, they knew exactly what to do.

"From the balcony, you could get on t'roof and jump in't pool," chirps the Monkeys' most gregarious member, drummer Matt Helders, in his homely Yorkshire way. "We looked at it and said, That's definitely gonna happen. So by the end, we did a couple of 'em. Somersaults in t'pool, from the roof. At night time."

In January 2011, as Sheffield and the rest of Britain endured its bitterest winter in a century, Arctic Monkeys capered among the palm trees, eschewing hotels for a millionaire's Hollywood homestead as they recorded and mixed their fourth studio album, Suck It and See.

The four Monkeys, alongside producer James Ford and engineer James Brown, lived what they called the "American man thing": watched Super Bowl on giant TVs, played ping-pong, hired two Mustangs, cooked cartoon Tom And Jerry-sized steaks on barbecues on Sundays, had girlfriends over to visit, all cooking and drinking around the colossal outdoor kitchen area featuring a fridge and two dishwashers. Living atop the Hills, they could see the Pacific Ocean beyond by day, the infinite glittering lights of downtown LA by night.

Every day, en route to Sound City Studios, they'd travel in a seven-seater four-by-four through the mountains, via bohemian 60s enclave Laurel Canyon, blaring out the tunes: The Stones Roses, The Cramps, the Misfits' Hollywood Babylon. For the sometime teenage art-punk renegades whose guitarist, Jamie Cook, was once ejected from London's Met Bar for refusing to pay €22 for two beers, the comedy rock'n'roll life still feels, however, absolutely nothing like reality.

NICK O'MALLEY: "It were really as if we were on holiday. When we came back it's the most post-holiday blues I've ever had!"

JAMIE COOK: "It's hard to comment on that. It were just really good fun."

MATT HELDERS: "We always said, As soon as things like that feel normal, we're in trouble. But it's just funny. You might think it would get more and more serious as you get older but it's getting funnier. We've done four albums now and I'm still only 24, I'm still immature to an extent. So who cares?"

Alex? Al? Are you there?

ALEX TURNER: "Yeah, it were good times. But we were in the studio most of the time. So there's no real wild Hollywood stories. Hmn. Yeah."

Wednesday, 16 March 2011, Strongroom Bar, Shoreditch, East London, 11am. Alex Turner, 25, slips entirely alone into an empty art-crowd brasserie looking like an indie girl's indie dream boy: mop-top bouffant hair which coils, in curlicues, directly into his cheekbones, army-green waist-length jacket, baggy-arsed skinny jeans, black cord zip-up cardigan, simple gold chain, supermoon sized chocolate-brown eyes.

Almost six years after I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor became the indie-punk anthem of a generation (from the first of Arctic Monkeys' three Number 1 albums), and nothing prepares you for the curious phenomenon of Alex Turner "in conversation". Unlike so many of the Monkeys frenetic early songs, he operates in slow motion, seemingly underwater, carrying a protective shell on his back, perhaps indie rock's very own diamond-backed terrapin. The most celebrated young wordsmith in rock'n roll today talks fulsomely, in fact, only in shapeless, curling sentences punctuated with "maybe... hmn.. yeah", an anecdotal wilderness sketching pictures as vague as a cloud. He is, though, simultaneously adorable: amenable, gentle, graceful, and as Northern as a 70s grandpa who literally greets you with "ey oop?".

"People think I'm a miserable bastard," he notes, cheerfully, "but it's just the way me face falls." Still profoundly private, if not as hermetically sealed as a vacuum-packed length of Frankfurter, his fante-shy reticence extends not only to his personal life (his four-year relationship with It-girl/TV presenter Alexa Chung, whom he never mentions) but to insider details generally. Take the Monkeys’ Hollywood high jinks documented above: not one word of it was described by Turner. Before Q was informed by his other Monkey bandmates, Turner’s anecdotal aversion unfolded like this:

Describe the lovely villa you were in. AT: "Well... we certainly had a... good view."

Of what? AT: "Well, we were up quite high."

The downtown LA lights going on forever? AT: "I dunno. It was definitely that thing of getting a bit of sort of sunshine. Is it vitamin D? If you can get vitamin D on your record, you've got a bit of a head start. So we'd get up and drive to the studio."

What were you driving? AT: "Nothing... spectacular. But yeah, we'd drive up the studio, spend all day there and sort of, y know, get back. To be honest... we had limited time. So we spent as much time as possible kind of getting into it, like, in the studio.

So your favourite adventures were what? AT: "Well, they were really… minimal. We were working out there!"

Any nightclubs or anything, perhaps? AT: "You really want the goss 'ere, don't you?"

Yes, please. AT: "I could make some up. Nah!"

And this was on the second time of asking. It's perhaps obvious: Alex Turner, one of the most prolific songwriters of his generation (four Monkeys albums and two EPs in five years, The Last Shadow Puppets side-project, a bewitching acoustic soundtrack for his actor/video director friend Richard Ayoade's feature-length debut Submarine), is dedicated only to the cause – of being the best he can possibly be. He simply remembers the songs much more than the somersaults.

Throughout 2009, Arctic Monkeys toured third album Humbug – the record mostly made in the Californian desert with Queens Of The Stone Age man-monolith Josh Homme – across the planet. While hardly some cranium-blistering opus, its heavier sonic meanderings considerably slowed the Arctic Monkeys' live sets and on 23 August 2009, Q watched them headline the Lowlands Festival, Holland and witnessed a hitherto unthinkable sight – swathes of perplexed Monkeys fans trudging away from the stage. With the sludge rock mood matching their cascading dude-rock hair it seemed obvious: they'd smoked way too much outrageously strong weed in the desert.

"Heheheh, yeah," responds Turner, unperturbed. "That's your theory. You probably weren't alone."

Back in the Strongroom Bar, Turner's arm is now nonchalantly draped along the back of a beaten-up brown leather sofa. He ponders his band's somewhat contrary reputation…

"I think starting the headline set at Reading with a cover of a Nick Cave tune perhaps was a bit contrary. D'youknowhat Imean?! But to be honest, that summer, at those festivals, we had a great time. And I know some fans enjoyed those sets 10 times more. And you can't just do, y’know, another Mardy Bum or whatever. Because how could you, really?"

With Humbug, notes Turner, "I went into corners I hadn't before, because I needed to see what were there," but by spring 2010 he wanted their fourth album to be "more song-based" and less lyrically "removed". He was "organised this time", studied "the good songwriters" (from Nick Cave, The Byrds and Leonard Cohen to country colossi Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline), discovered "the other three strings" on his guitar, and wrote 12 songs through the spring and summer of 2010, mostly in the fourth-floor New York flat he shared with Chung before the couple moved back to London late last summer (the New York MTV show It's On With Alexa Chung was cancelled after two seasons). The result: major-key melodies, harmonised singing and classic song structures.

At the same time he revisited the opposite extreme: bands such as Black Sabbath and The Stooges ("we wanted a few wig-outs as well"); he was also still heavily influenced by the oil-thick grinder rock of Josh Homme, who is clearly now a permanent Monkeys hero. After four months' rehearsals in London, on 8 January the Monkeys relocated to LA for five swift weeks of production and Homme came to visit, singing backing vocals on All My Own Stunts. Tequila was involved.

"Tequila is probably me favourite," manages Turner, by way of an anecdote. "But it takes a certain climate... It's not the same... in the rain. Yeah. [Looks to be contemplating a lyric] Tequila in the rain."

Vocally, he developed the caramel richness first unveiled on The Last Shadow Puppets' Scott Walker-esque The Age Of The Understatement, finding a crooner's vibrato. "Everything before was so tight,” he notes, clutching his neck. "Probably just through nerves. That's just not there any more." Suck It and See contains at least four of the most glittering, sing-along, world-class pop songs (and obvious singles) of Arctic Monkeys' career: the towering, clanging She's Thunderstorms, the summertime stunner The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala, the heavenly harmonised title track and the Echo & The Bunnymen-esque jangly pop of closer That's Where You're Wrong.

Elsewhere, in typically contrary "fashion", there's preposterous head-banger bedlam (Brick By Brick, the rollicking faux-heavy rock download they released in March "just for fun", featuring vocals by Helders; Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair, and Library Pictures). News arrives that the first single proper will be Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair. Q is perplexed. Brilliantly titled, certainly, but arriving after Brick By Brick, the new album will appear to the planet as some comedy pastiche metal album for 12-year-old boys.

You've got all these colossal, summery, indie-pop classics and you've gone for... The Chair? AT: [Laughing uproariously] "The Chair! I'm now calling it The Chair, that's cool. Well for once it weren't even our suggestion. It was Laurence's (Bell, Domino label boss). And I were, Fucking too right! He's awesome. It'd be good to get a bit of fucking rock'n'roll out there, won't it? It's riffs. It's loud. It's funny."

If you don't release The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala as a single I'm going round Domino to kick Laurence's "awesome" butt. AT: "I think it'll be the next one!"

The record's title, meanwhile, could've been more enigmatically original than the un-loved phrase Suck It and See. The band, struggling with ideas due to the opposing sonic moods, invented an inspiration-conjuring ruse: to think of new names for effects pedals in the style of Tom Wolfe, Turner being long enamoured with the American author's legendarily psychedelic books The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test and The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby, "cos that just sounds awesome".

"There's the Big Muff pedal," he elaborates, "That’s the classic. I've got the Valve Slapper. And there's the Tube Screamer. So we came up with the Thunder Suckle Fuzz Canyon. And… wait till I assemble it in me mind… em… it'll come to me… The Blonde-O-Sonic Shimmer Trap. So we were going for summat like that."

A wasted opportunity?

"Nah. Because some of those things ended up in the lyrics anyway. Suck It and See was just easier."

Alex Turner, rock'n'roll's premier descriptive art-poet, still writes his lyrics long-hand in spiral-bound notebooks. "Writing lyrics is a craft that I've practised a bit now," he avers. "In me notebook it looks like sums. Theories. There's words and arrows going everywhere. There's always a few possibilities and I write the word 'OR' in a square."

For our most celebrated colloquial sketch-writer of the everyday observation (all betting pencils, boy slags and ice-cream van aggravations) the more successful he becomes, the less he orbits the ordinary. "I'm not struggling with that, to be honest," he decides. "In fact I'm enjoying writing lyrics much more than I did. Stories. Describing a picture. Um. There's quite a bit of weather and time in this one. Which is probably not reassuring. 'Oh God, he's writing about the weather.' Maybe leave that out!"

There are also some direct, funny, romantic observations: "That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun/And I only hope you've got it aimed at me..." (from the title track).

Some of your romantic quips, now, must be about Alexa. AT: "Right. Yeah. Definitely. Well... there's always been that side to our songs, when we weren't writing about... the fucking taxi rank. It's kind of inevitably... people you're with." [At the mention of Chung's name, Turner is visibly aggrieved, head sliding into his neck, terrapin-esque indeed.]

It must have been very grounding being in a proper relationship through all this madness. Because if you weren't, girls would be jumping all over your head. AT: "Em. Hmn. Well, of course that helps you to... I don't really know.. what the other way would be."

Does Alexa wonder if the lyrics are about her? AT: "Oh there's none of that. Yeah, no, there's no looking over the shoulder."

She must be curious, at least. "Maybe."

Did you ever watch Popworld? AT: [Nervous laughter] "Em! Now and again."

Did you ever see the episode where she helps Paul McCartney write a song about shoes? AT: "Ah, yeah I think so, maybe I did see that."

Well, if I was you, I'd have been thinking, "She's the one for me." AT: "Well. Yeah... maybe that would've... sealed the deal! Hmn. But maybe that wasn't when i got the ray of light. When was? Nah [buries head in hands]. I might have to go for a cigarette..."

Q can't torture him any more and joins him for a snout. Turner smokes Camels from a crumpled, sad, soft-pack and resembles a teenager again. As early song You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me says, "Never tenser/Could all go a bit Frank Spencer…”

In January 2006, when Arctic Monkeys' Number 1 album Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not became the fastest-selling debut in UK history, inadvertently redefining the concept of autonomy and further imploding the decimated music industry (& wasn't their idea to be "the MySpace band", it was their fans': the Monkeys merely kick-started viral marketing by giving away demos at gigs), the 19- and 20-year-old Monkeys were terrible at fame. They weren't so much insurrectionary teenage upstarts as teenage innocents culturally traumatised by the peak-era fame democracy.

To their generation (born in the mid-'80s) fame was now synonymous with some-twat-off-the-telly a world of foaming tabloid hysteria where renown and celebrity meant, in fact, you were talentless. Hence their interview diffidence and receiving awards via videos dressed up as the Wizard OfOz and the Village People. Which only, ironically, made them even more celebrated and famous. (“That were a product of us just trying to hold onto the reins," thinks Turner today. "Being uncooperative.")

Q meets The Other Three one morning at 11am, in the well-appointed, empty bar of the Bethnal Green, Bast London hotel they're staying in (all three live in Sheffield, with their girlfriends, in their own homes). First to arrive is the industrious, sensible and cheerful Helders, crunching into a hangover-curing green apple. He has recovered from last year's boxing accident at the gym, which left his broken arm requiring a fitted plate. Now impressively purple-scarred, the break felt "interesting" and the doctor couldn't resist the one-armed drummer jest: "D'you like Def Leppard?"

Currently enjoying an enduring bromance with Diddy, he still doesn't feel famous, "it just doesn't feel that real, there's no paparazzi waiting for me to trip up." He and Turner, during the four-month rehearsals last year, became an accomplished roast dinner cooking duo for the band. "I reckon we could have us our own cookbook," he beams. "Pictures of us stirring, with a whisk."

O'Malley, an agreeable, twinkly-eyed 25-year-old with a strikingly deep voice and a winningly huge smile, is still coyly embarrassed by the interview process. A replacement for the departed original bass player Andy Nicholson in May 2006, he went from Asda shelf-filler to Glastonbury headliner in 13 months and still finds the Monkeys "a massive adventure". His life in Sheffield is profoundly normal – he's delighted that his new home since last October has an open-hearth fireplace: "Me parents had electric bars." He has also discovered cooking. “I’m just a pretty shit-hot housewife, most of the time," he smiles. "I cook stews, fish combinations, curries, chillies. I made a beef pho noodle soup the other day, Vietnamese, I surprised meself, had some mates round for that."

Recently, at his dad's 50th birthday bash, the party band, made up of family and friends, insisted he join them onstage "for ...The Dancefloor. So I were up there [mimes playing bass, all sheepish] and it were the wrong pitch, they didn't know the words or 'owt, going, Makin eyes... er..." He has no extra-curricular musical ambitions. "I'm happy just playing bass," he smiles. "I've never had the skill of doing songs meself. It'd be shit!"

Cook, 25, is still spectacularly embarrassed by the interview process. He perches upright, with a fixed nervous smile, newly shorn of the beard and ponytail he sported in LA: "Rockin' a pone, yeah, because I could get away with it." With his classic preppy haircut and dapper green military coat (from London's swish department store, Liberty), he looks like a handsome '40s film star. (Turner deems Cook "the band heartbreaker" and had a word with him post-LA: "I said to him, Come on, mate, you've got to get that beard shaved off. Get the girls back into us. Shift some posters.")

His life in Sheffield is also profoundly normal. He still plays Sunday League football with his local pub team, The Pack Horse FC (position, left back), remains in his long-term relationship with page-three-model-turned-make-up-artist Katie Downes and "potters about" at home, refusing to describe said home, "cos I'll get burgled".

A tiler by trade, he always vowed, should the Monkeys sign a deal, that he'd throw his trowel in a Sheffield river on his last day of work. "I never did fling me trowel," he confirms. "Probably still in me shed." He's never considered what his band represents to his generation. "I'd go insane thinking about it, I'm pretty good at not thinking about it… Oh God. I'm terrible at this!"

Back in the Strongroom Bar, Alex Turner is cloudily describing his everyday life. "I just keep meself to meself," he confounds. He mostly stays indoors and his perfect night in with Alexa is "watching loads of Sopranos. And doing roast dinners".

No longer spindle-limbed, he attends a gym and has handsomely well-defined arms – "You have to look after yourself."

Suddenly, Crying Lightning from Humbug rumbles over the bar stereo. "Wow. How about that? I was quite happy the other morning cos Brick By Brick were on the round-up goals on Soccer AM. It's still exciting when that happens. It was like Brick By Brick is real."

He spends his days writing music, "listening to records", and recommends Blues Run The Game by doomed '60s minstrel Jackson C Frank ("who's that lass?... Laura Marling, she did a cover recently), a simple, acoustic, deep and regretful stunner about missing someone on the road.

Lyrically, he cites as an example of greatness the Nick Cave B-side Little Empty Boat [from ‘97 single Into My Arms ], a comically sinister paean to a sexual power struggle: "Your knowledge is impressive and your argument is good/But I am the resurrection babe and you're standing on my foot."

"I need a hobby," he suddenly decides. "I'd like to learn another language." Since his mum is a German teacher (his dad teaches music), surely he can speak some German? "I know how to ask somebody if they've had fun at Christmas." Go on, then. "Nah!"

Where Turner's creative gifts stem from remains a contemporary rock'n'roll mystery; he became a fledgling songwriter at 16, after the gift of a guitar at Christmas from his parents. An only child, did his folks, perhaps, foresee artistic greatness? "I doubt it!" he balks. "Cos I didn't. I wasn't... a show kid." Like the others, he doesn't analyse the past, or the future.

"You can't constantly be thinking about what's happened," he reasons, "it's just about getting on with it." The elaborate pinky ring he now constantly wears, however, a silver, gold and ruby metal-goth corker featuring the words DEATH RAMPS is a permanent reminder of he and his best friends’ past. The Death Ramps is not only a Monkeys pseudonym and B-side to Teddy Picker, but a place they used to ride their bikes in Sheffield as kids.

"Up in the woods near where we lived," he nods. "Just little hills. But when you're eight years old they're death ramps." The ring was custom made by a friend of his, who runs top-end rock'n'roll jewellery emporium The Great Frog near London's Carnaby Street. Ask Turner why he thinks the chase between his writing and speaking eloquence is quite so mesmerisingly vast and he attempts a theory.

"Well, writing isn't the same as speaking," he muses. "Not for me. I seem to struggle more and more with... conversation. Talking onstage... I can't do it any more. Hmn. I'll have to work on that."

The ever-helpful Helders has a better theory.

"Since he's been writing songs," he ponders, “It seems like he’s always thinking about that. So even when he’s talking to you now, he’s thinking about the next thing that rhymes with a word. Even when he’s driving. We joke he’s a bad driver, his focus is never 100 per cent on what he’s doing. Which is good for us cos it means he’s got another 12 songs up his sleeve. I think music must be the easiest way for him to be concise and get everything out. Otherwise his head would explode.”

The Shoreditch.com photo studios, 18 March. Alex Turner, today, is more ethereally distracted than ever, transfixed by the studio iPod, playing Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, a version of I’d Rather Go Blind. Occasionally, he’ll completely lose his conversational thread, “Um. I’ve dropped a stitch.”

The first to arrive for Q’s photoshoot, he greets his incoming bandmates with enormous hugs (and also hugs them goodbye). Today, Q feels it’s pointless poking its pickaxe of serious enquiry further into Turner’s vacuum-packed soul and wonders if he’ll play, instead, a daft game. It’s called Popworld Questions, as first posed by someone he knows rather well.

“Oh, OK. Let’s do it,” he blinks, now perched in an empty dressing room. He then vigorously shakes his head, “Um…I’ve gotta snap back into it.”

Here, then, are some genuine “Alexa Chung on Popworld” questions (2006-2007), as originally posed to Matt Willis, Amy Winehouse, Robbie Williams, Pussycat Dolls, Kaiser Chiefs and Diddy.

Why do indie bands wear such tight jeans? AT: “Um. I supposed they do. They haven’t always. When we first were playing I was definitely in flares. You need to be quite tall to get the full effect, though. So, that's why this indie band wears such tight jeans, cos we've not got the legs for flares."

What makes you tick in the sexy department? AT: "Wow. Pass. What do I find most attractive in a woman? Something in the head? That's definitely a requirement. Well... Hmn. I'm struggling."

Tell us about all the lovely groupies. AT: "No!"

If dogs had human hands instead of paws, would you consider trying to teach them to play the piano? AT: "Absolutely. I'd teach Hey Jude."

How many plums d'you think you can comfortably fit in one hand? AT: "They're not very big. [Holds small, pale, girly hand up for inspection] It's a shame. Probably three. Diddy only managed two? Maybe not then. I can carry a lot of glasses at once, though. If they're small ones I can do four."

Are you cool? AT: "Not as much as I'd like to be. There's this clip where Clint Eastwood is on a talkshow and he gets asked, Everybody thinks of you as defining cool, what d'you think about that? And he gets his cigs out, takes one out, flicks it into his mouth, lights it and says, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Here, Turner locates his Camels soft-pack and attempts to do a Clint Eastwood. He flicks one upwards towards his mouth. And misses. Flicks another. And misses. "Third time lucky?" He misses. "I'll get it the next time." And succeeds. "Hey. Fourth time. Don't put that in! So there you go. I'm four steps away from where I wanna be."

Thank you very much for joining me here on Popworld, here's my clammy hand again. There it is, let it slip, hmmn. You can let go now. AT: "OK! Were you a Popworld fan, then? It was funny. Cool. What were we talking about, before?"

Blimey, Alex. What must you be like when you're completely stoned out of your head? AT: "Stoned? What d'you mean, cos I seem like that anyway? Yeah. A lot of people... tell me I'm a bit... dreamy. But I like the idea of that. Of being somewhere else."

Two days earlier, Turner had contemplated what he wanted from all this, in the end. Many seconds later he gave his deceptively ambitious answer.

"I just wanna write better songs," he decided. "And better lyrics. I just definitely wanna be good at it. Hmn. Yeah.”

—

RUFUS BLACK: AKA Matt Helders, on his ongoing bromance with Diddy

Matt Helders has known preposterous rap titan Diddy since they met in Miami in 2008. “He goes, Arctic Monkeys! Then he said summat about a B-side and I was like, He's not lying! I just thought, This is funny, I'm gonna go with this for a while." Last October Diddy texted Helders, suggesting he play drums with his Diddy Dirty Money band on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, to give his own drummer a day off. “I were bowling with me girifriend at the time. In Sheffield, on a Sunday." On the day of recording, says Helder, "We had a musical director. That were one of the maddest times of my life. Next day Diddy said, Why don't you just stay? Come along with me. So I went everywhere with him." Diddy had "a convoy of cars" and made sure Helders was always in his. "He'd stop his car and go, Where's Matt? You're coming with me! So I'd get in his car. Just me, him, his security, driver." Diddy, by now, had given him a pseudonym - Rufus Black. "He kept saying, I don't wanna fuck up your image. And I'm, I don't think it's gonna do me any harm!" He stayed in Diddy's spectacularly expensive hotel. Some weeks later, Helders almost returned to the Dirty Money drumstool for a gig in Glasgow. "But we were rehearsing in London. I were like, I might come, how are you getting there? And he were like, Jet. Jump on t’jet with me. But I had to stay in Bethnal Green instead.”

Love’s young dream: Diddy (left) with Helders

[friendlyneighborhoodamara]

Can't sleep so I'm gonna talk about Akane Tendo's reputation among fans. It's no secret I'm an Akane fan, and I'm glad that the fandom seems to be kinder to her today than in the past. In light of this, I'd like to address some of the common arguments people make or used to make against her.

For reference, a significant chunk of the humor in Ranma 1/2 involves Ranma, often intentionally, pissing Akane off, to the point that she hits him really, really hard. This is a pretty common comedic trope in shonen anime prior to like...I wanna say the 2010s? (I never watched Naruto since it looked bad but I am pretty sure that's Sakura and Naruto's dynamic.) Anyways, while I joined the fandom recently, I have learned that when the show came over to America in the early 90s, Akane was SUPER controversial for treating Ranma like this, with her critics calling her a violent domestic abuser and misandrist, and her reputation has only really recovered recently.

Now, if the "girl character beats up boy character in fit of rage" trope is something that isn't your taste in comedy, then it's not your taste in comedy. However, it's important to keep in mind qualifiers for Akane's behavior. Akane at the start of the series has been harassed by boys at her school who want to beat her up and force her to date them, leading to her having a justifiably poor perception of men and boys. Her hating boys and seeing the worst in them is very different from a man hating women due to patriarchal expectations, and even then she treats boys who are nice to her like Ryoga well.

Honestly, the only area where her dislike of boys gets kinda like morally problematic in my view is if you interpret Ranma as a trans girl: while I joked in an earlier post that Akane is a TERF, one could argue that, albeit unintentionally, Akane's negative reaction to seeing Ranma naked in her bathtub (even if accidentally) and then calling him/her a pervert plays on transphobic rhetoric against letting trans women use the women's restrooms like we're supposed to. (Humorously, most of the people mad at Akane seem to be, ah...not exactly fond of trans!Ranma headcanons, but I digress.) If other trans girls or our allies don't find the slapstick funny for that reason, fair enough, but I don't feel bothered by it given how most of the time Ranma gets hit it's for being legitimately rude and again the violence is very unrealistic.

Admittedly, if Ranma 1/2 had a more serious tone and grounded level of violence, Akane hitting Ranma would be abusive. But in the series, martial artists can walk off stuff like being crushed by a boulder, so Akane beating Ranma up by kicking him/her 50 feet into the sky because she thought he/she was trying to feel her up is not so much like domestic abuse and more akin to a wife giving her husband a light dope slap. Remember, much of the violence in this series is basically just that of a Tom and Jerry cartoon, albeit with an early Dragon Ball aesthetic. Furthermore, Ranma - as much as I love him/her as a character - is usually the instigator, with the wiki even having a list of the cruel nicknames he/she gives her, so it's not as if her actions are unwarranted:

There is, per some people, a gendered component to this discussion, that if the genders were flipped, this wouldn't be funny since Ranma doesn't hit Akane. Now, firstly, if you're a man and a 35-year-old anime not having a boy beat up a girl enough is your worst experience with "sexism", well...get over it. Secondly, in terms of wider media, men commit violence against women that is framed for laughs all the time (ex.: Miroku in Inuyasha, another Rumiko Takahashi series, is a male character where his running gag involves him groping women, which is a more realistic form of violence than anything Akane dishes out), so the notion that it's only women who hurt men in media for laughs is untrue. Thirdly, the notion that hitting Ranma is viewed as okay because "he's a boy" is dubious since he does canonically turn into a girl and Akane hits Ranma regardless of gende, and despite his claims to the contrary he/she doesn't really hate being a girl as much as he/she claims. As a concession, I will note that especially in the past some writers can be reluctant to show slapstick against women, but this is more due to internalized misogyny and viewing women as weak and needing protection. Personally, even assuming that Akane was a boy and Ranma was wholly a girl, I'd have no problem with the slapstick since it's clearly goofy and unrealistic.

Anyways, I'd like to conclude by saying (1) I am glad that I joined the fandom at a time when Akane is being perceived more and more fairly as a flawed but generally pretty nice and hilarious character who has a good deal of pathos despite the clearly slapstick-y nature of the series, and (2) thanks for reading this long, very sincere post.

[mirai-e-jump]

+act Magazine January 2024 Issue ft. Hirakawa Yuzuki Interview (translation below)

Publication: December 12, 2023

Hirakawa Yuzuki plays the immovable Rita Kaniska (PapillonOhger) in the Super Sentai series "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger." In her first appearance in this magazine, she says that while her first priority is to complete this role, there are also things she wants to accomplish next.

"When did you first become interested in acting?"

Hirakawa: It wasn't until I joined my agency that I first became interested. Until then, I was attending a business high school in Kumamoto, my hometown, and wanted to become either a tax accountant or a certified public accountant in the future. Around that time, I learned about the "LDH Presents THE GIRLS AUDITION" and I told my parents, "I should enter like it's a commemorative entrance exam.*" I won the Grand Prix in the vocal and dance category, not the acting category. However, it wasn't until I joined the agency that I tried singing, dancing and acting genuinely. So, it was abit embarrassing being told that I was the Grand Prix winner in the vocal and dance category. (*exams taken for schools you have little to no chance of getting into)

"Your first performance was in a stage play."

Hirakawa: It was in "Moryo no Hako" starring Tachibana Kenchi-san. The play was set where the curtains rise on a scene between me and another girl, and I was so nervous that it caused my stomach to hurt every day. Once I said a few words on stage, I was okay, but until then…I guess that once I got on stage, I felt like I had no choice. But, until I was offstage, my heart would be pounding like crazy.

"Did the fact that it was your first time on stage, and your first performance, have a big impact on you?"

Hirakawa: I always thought that if I broke the tempo of the play in the first scene, things would become out of sync. Even during rehearsals I was told, "The beginning is important. It determines the quality of the performance." That's kind of scary. It's a big responsibility. But, I think they trained me well on that stage.

"What did you find interesting about the stage?"

Hirakawa: I always took lessons with two or three people at most, so more than anything, I enjoyed creating a production together with many people. I also thought it was fun to be with my dependable and kind seniors all the way through the rehearsal period, and that they started to feel like friends.

"Were there any memorable words that were said to you during rehearsals for the play or on the stage itself?"

Hirakawa: They'd say "Just try things out for now." I think I tend to worry about what other people think of me. If I think that I have to do something, I focus on only that. Still, I was told, "Just give it your all for now. It'll be easy to control things from there." This is often said on the set of the Sentai series that I'm currently performing in.

"Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger, right?"

Hirakawa: Their keyword is "Immovable," and I do what I can within that context and to "just give things a try." If I really deviate from the character, the Director will get me back on track.

"Have you seen any other Sentai productions?"

Hirakawa: When I was little, I watched "Tom and Jerry." I haven't really watched the previous series. In middle and high school, I was either doing practice lessons, club activities, eating meals, or sleeping (laughs).

"What kind of programs do you currently watch?"

Hirakawa: Since I started working, because I have alot to learn, I've been watching various things. I've only been alive for 22 years, so there are many things that I don't know. I'm learning about these experiences as I watch these works. What have I been watching…I really can't remember (laughs).

"(laughs). How do you remember your lines?"

Hirakawa: One of my strong points is memorizing things, but I'm the type of person who (intentionally) forgets them immediately (laughs). When they say, "We're done filming this scene," I instantly forget about it. So, I don't really remember much. Recently however, at the recommendation of a co star in King-Ohger, I watched the entirety of "Heaven and Hell: 2 Psychos," starring Ayase Haruka-san.

"Were you interested in Ayase-san and Takahashi Issei-san's personality changing performances?"

Hirakawa: It was interesting to see how the two of them came to know each other through swapping bodies. I also experienced performing a body swap in King-Ohger. Before we filmed it, it was recommended to me with, "This show, it's got body swapping," so I learned alot from it.

"For Rita, did they have the keyword "Immovable" from the beginning?"

Hirakawa: Since my role is that of the International Chief Judge, the words "always neutral" were there from the audition stage. When I was reading the script before filming started, the Director said to me, "Rita is Immovable. That's it." It doesn't mean that they shouldn't move, but that they're unwavering. I was also told, "There may not be much movement, but it holds various meanings. Please be extremely immovable this year." That's why even now, I'm looking for things I can do within being "immovable."

"What did you do at the audition?"

Hirakawa: It was an audition for two roles, the yellow Hymeno Ran, and Rita, who I'm playing. I played both roles in the first round, but when I entered the second round, in terms of her character, I thought, "I'm definitely not Hymeno." From there, I went after Rita.

"Did you feel any similarity between Rita and yourself?"

Hirakawa: I thought I could create something close to the calm and dignified feeling of the character. I'm also pretty tall (166 cm, 5'5"), so I thought that the darker color would also suit me in terms of image. Actually, I had auditioned for the Sentai series and Kamen Rider series multiple times, but most of the roles I've gone for up until now have been for the heroine. So, I thought it wasn't really suited for it. But, with Rita I thought, "That's definitely me." I was pretty enthusiastic, thinking that if I missed out on Rita, I wouldn't get a role like this for about four or five years. And then, until I started working in this industry, I hated my voice.

"But it's an attractive voice, with a deep bassy tone."

Hirakawa: When I finished my first performance, many people said to me, "Your voice is really nice." Do the people around me see this voice as my weapon? Rita's words are very persuasive, or rather, have weight to them. I knew from the audition that I could use my voice in this role. However, since filming started in King-Ohger, I felt that my voice has become even lower. I was trying to make my voice sound deeper, but I ended up sounding lower than usual (laughs). I might be stuck with this low voice. Maybe it'll go back to normal once this role ends.

"What do you currently find interesting about performing?"

Hirakawa: Rita only keeps their left eye visible, right? However, there's a limit to what can be expressed with just the eyes. They're a character that doesn't move that much and doesn't laugh. Things like the inflection and intensity of my lines and how they're conveyed are different from how it's been in the past. Still, by experiencing this kind of role, I feel that the range of my expressions have expanded in slightly different directions. I think I'm lucky.

"What kind of roles would you like to play in the future?"

Hirakawa: In episode 38 of King-Ohger, I performed with my face showing, but I was embarrassed since it had been awhile. A year ago, I would've been able to do it normally, so first of all, I'd like to "reset" that (laughs). I don't have much of a funny role now, so I'd like to play more energetic roles. Also, I want to wear a uniform! I want to be in a school story. It doesn't matter if I'm a class president, a bully, or some kid with a depressed personality. I just want to wear a uniform (laughs). I definitely want to make that happen. But for now, my first priority is to finish King-Ohger. It's been a year, and I think the real battle afterwards will be letting go of Rita and returning to Hirakawa Yuzuki.

[thegoodending-thelasttime]

my reaction to the resident lover lore drop: part two

access the doc yourself here

spoilers utc

DONNA CONTD

i have a lot to say about the the donna and daniela relationship section, none of which i feel capable of putting into words for the time being. i will, however, say this.

"Donna is watching what could've been in regards to her past self when it comes to Dani and MC"

"Just sometimes [Donna] really wants to hit [Cassandra] you know?" i think a lot of people in the fandom know after Cass' infamous neutral ending

"She grieves but she lets herself live too." all the muscles in my face are convulsing

"Donna struggles to stand up for herself for a long portion of her route and only through the aid of MC will she start to show a little more of her backbone." Donna. i can help you be brave Donna. pick me. choose me. love me. (delusional 3)

"There is a brief scene in which Miranda and Donna are having tea while Donna has a complete and utter breakdown about just how on the edge she is. Miranda of course encourages her to keep spiraling..." miranda i'm going to get you.

"Donna is mentally unstable at this point and can either be sent into the abyss or helped out of the low point toward a brighter future." I CAN HELP YOU TOWARD A BRIGHTER FUTURE DONNA I SWEAR PLEASE (delusional 4)

Depression being a theme is just. I'm going to write a hurt/comfort fic about this.

and, "Destiny [Soulmates]" don't think I'm normal about that either. cuz i'm not.

the nursery being an allegory for Donna. my brain feels like a backyard and you're mowing it with a tiny little lawnmower.

"Hades and Persephone" words. in my mind.

glad that Donna fans unknowingly cracked phantom of the opera though, that's fun

"...she is not unwilling to lunge towards Miranda herself and brandish a weapon in her direction." she's so real for this

"Miranda has had to trigger the loop several times in reaction to a violent outburst of Donna’s." WOOOO YOU GO BABE. FUCK UP MIRANDA'S LIVES HELL YEAH

"MC shows unconditional and unwavering love towards someone with severe abandonment issues and gets a very attached flower shop owner for their troubles." SHUT UP MY HEART.

"...a small part of her is pleased to know she got the upper hand on Miranda. Donna’s ability to make MC explicitly reject Miranda has left the goddess incredibly pissed..." FUCK YEAH

"Post Donna Miranda is particularly cruel about how she treats the toxicologist and parades MC near her but never in reach." top five sentences that make you want to kill a cult leader

"LIKES: Stuffed Animals..." help i love her so much my heart really can't take this

"LIKES: Pranks. I’m sorry she’s a menace" i'll prank her back (by kissing her on the face)

"DISLIKES: Those really sad adoption commercials where they play ‘I Will Remember You’ while a slideshow of really sad puppies plays. They make her cry" NO DONNA POOKIE BEAR DON'T CRY COME HER LET ME HUG YOU

"DISLIKES: Miranda" OMG SHE DISLIKES MIRANDA TOO (shocker) !?!?! WE'RE SO SIMILAR WE SHOULD MARRY ACTUALLY

MIRANDA

MC and miranda being burned alive the first time around. man wtf

love that they were both canonically sickly victiorian children at one point

"Death penalty for sodomy" that actually has me so fucked up. how could you do this to me

"[MC] Drowned, Miranda was nearby but chose not to save them" WHAT WHY

"Mia got mad and threw a stone at MC" i would get mad too if i saw someone repeatedly fall for miranda over the course of multiple timelines

"Miranda ran MC over in an accident" HELP 💀

miranda really fell for the unluckiest motherfucker goddamn. tom and jerry ass

"Yes + Mia" "No + Mia" best way to word this. i will be using these from now on. ask me a yes/no question i dare you.

"This life is when the very first iteration of Eva is born and it completely changes Miranda’s soul as a confounding variable in their soulmate-hood" oh my GOD. i'm a little scared miranda's section might be making me start to like her a little.. NO I REFUSE. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

"Toxic Yuri + Loving" thank you Cinder. i appreciate you for your silliness.

really wish we got more eva content but oh well. maybe in the dlc content the team said would probably come out in a few years/maybe more

"Mia’s soul has slowly changed over time and has grown to naturally despise Miranda’s soul for its unwitting part in MCs death every life" nvm i like Mia infinitely more than miranda

"Mia acts as a foil to Miranda’s relationship in every life they meet because she is - without fail - naturally resistant to them being together and highly suspicious of the way Miranda behaves" FUCK MOTHER MIRANDA ALL MY HOMIES HATE MOTHER MIRANDA. MIA'S A REAL ONE.

"[Bela and Miranda] would be insane if they worked together, but unfortunately, they are narratively designed to be pitted against each other" i disagree i think it's very fortunate they're not on the same team

"Miranda is afraid of [Donna] because she remembers every single time loop... Donna is also handy with sharp objects and has been known to attempt a few murders at meetings when pushed..." fuck yeah. be afraid miranda.

"...views Donna as “cursed” due to her family history of deaths" can i say kys just this once (to miranda).

"Intrinsically offended when MC chose Donna during the loop" be offended. L + bozo + cry about it + Donna's better

"[Donna and Miranda have] used each other as crutches in moments of weakness... they used to have regular tea together in which they would act out their familial roles and encourage each other further down their spirals" i'm actually not okay rn thanks for asking!

...that legitimately has me so fucked up

"Miranda actively encourages Donna’s fears to keep her under control..." "She would kill Angie to both punish Donna and to relieve herself of the annoyance" hey miranda come here. what do you mean, i don't have anything in my pocket. don't worry about it just come here. so i can... hug you. SHANKS YOU MIA STYLE BUT IT ACTUALLY WORKS THIS TIME SHANKS YOU MIA STYLE BUT IT ACTUALLY WORKS THIS TIME SHANKS YOU MIA STYLE BUT IT ACTUALLY WORKS THIS TIME

"Miranda and MC are soulmates, all the way up to their 19th life this is 100% proven and true (even though they don't always get to meet) but the 20th life is different because Miranda is still in her 19th. It could be argued that MCs soulmate is who 20th Miranda was supposed to be. (Could've been if a coin had been flipped)." I'M ACTUALLY HYPERVENTILATING RIGHT NOW THANK YOU FOR FEEDING USTHANKYOU MY HEART OH MY FUCKIUNG GOD ASDFGUIHUADSDHLFKAJHSDFKLGJHDAFKJG. I BANGED ON MY DESK THAT'S NOT EVEN A JOKE WHAT THE ACTUASL FUCK

"MC would go into divorce arc which is salvageable but very long winded" need yall to elaborate on this, also it made me giggle

"The only exceptions are Mia (who told Miranda to fuck off), Bela (who still remembered), and Angie (who doesn’t listen to anybody)." that's so based of all of them. naming them the based squad for this.

"DISLIKES: Her height being mentioned" i don't care if it's a low blow and that she's actually one inch taller than me. i'll call her short. short ass. imagine being 5'6" lmao

part three coming up

[peachjagiya]

Rewatched AYS again and my god J and JK give off the biggest sibling and Tom & Jerry energy ever 😭🫠😂 it’s mostly J trying to make JK laugh or get his attention and JK being annoyed half of the time lol and then his comments re J’s music when he played it for him - that was brutal to watch! And them constantly saying how they haven’t seen each other and it’s quite obvious J kind of convinced / forced / asked JK to do this show with him! Did JK have fun? Sure! I hope so since it was almost a busy schedule and an illness 😭 but it’s JK, that man loves a challenge and to enjoy himself! But all I’ve seen are two siblings play fighting and having completely different energies lol anyways :)

It's exactly my relationship with my youngest brother who can't stand how mature I am so he acts up. We're both parents with jobs now but that dynamic remains from childhood! 😂 Of course we love each other but he plays into the youngest role and I play into the eldest.

They are so sibling-y. It's plain as day to me. So it feels ultra weird when people make it sexual. Gives me the ick.

[stabknives]

Goddamn Redd and Chris have known each other forever i just try not to think about it very hard bc it depresses me.

Redd was only ten when she broke into basement of Christian's childhood church while he was down there organizing donations (dropped off by his cop father who was 'too busy' to watch his own kid while the wife was out of town. Cheating. With a woman. Who was a hooker. Ask me some other time about the King family we're getting off topic.)

Chris was fourteen. And a little shit. Not in the rowdy way or anything, that's Redd, but he was a brown nosed goodie goodie teachers pet. You know the type. He sneeringly tells Richie (at the time Charlie Phillips) this food is for the LESS FORTUNATE. To which Redd says buddy, there's nobody less fortunate thn me. I'm eating this canned fruit and there's not a goddamn thing you can do to stop me.

Christian is horrified. This toddling infant is CURSING AT HIM!!! Where are your parents. Who brought you here. You're not a part of the parish! A church family provides for other members of the church family. Not dirty, foul mouthed little vagrants. Go away. Shoo.

Richie bites him. Nearly takes a chunk out of his arm. This is not the last time they will fight like dogs, but Christian has that scar on his wrist well into adulthood. When he's nervous he'll grab his wrist sometimes. Like he can still feel that sting.

Redd repeatedly steals from the church. Christian is baffled and offended but he never tells the adults bc he's crazy and he thinks they'll crucify him if he can't handle organizing the church basement on his own (his father says handling your own problems is what it means to be a man. That's why his father handles his problems by drinking on the couch until he passes out in front of the TV. Usually it's late, and that means Christian can watch reruns of the Brady Bunch and pretend his dad is awake and they're bonding.)

Have you ever seen Tom and Jerry? Imagine Chris is Tom and Richie is Jerry. Now picture a storm cloud that rains blood. Now imagine a long hallway that's too dark to see down the other end of and there's a scraping noise in the shadows. What was I saying. Right, Chris tries to hide the food, but it's never good enough. Richie finds the goods every time.

Chris decides to switch gears. He's going to bribe the little shit (I nearly typed bride. Ominous foreshadowing.) Chris gets a crazy good allowance. Probably um too good for a kid his age but whatever. His family is rich. And he can buy food, for this kid. To keep him out of the church supplies.

Richie is... Suspicious... Usually following big kids anywhere doesn't lead her down the yellow brick road, but whatever. She's starving, and she's sick of eating cigarette buds off the floor of the apartment. Besides, this skinny blond boy is a wimp. Richie already bit him so hard he squealed. Boys shouldn't squeal.

They sit in a diner for breakfast early in the morning and Chris grills her for information. Your parents. Your address. Your name, a REAL name, and not just a color. Why are you already such a sinner. Why do you steal and scream and bite like an animal?

Richie thinks they could make this a fun little game. She'll ask her own questions. They'll ask one at a time, and get answers from each other. Taking turns is only polite, right, Christian?

They have a lot in common, as it turns out. They like the same shows and the same games and the same foods. They both have horrible parents and hate other people but want people to love them and they both think it's funny when the right sort of person gets hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt.

They talk until dark. Richie decides he admires Chris. Chris who gets straight As, and can play chess and the cello and speak European. He's smart. A pansy, yes, but very smart. Christian has never been admired by someone around his age before. There's not a lot of other kids in the gated community he lives in. This adoration immediately turns Chris crazy but that's fine. He'll live. For now.

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.193 thoughts

[Run Boy, Run]

(Contents: character analysis - Top)

On twitter, @phylloodles pointed out that if Fuuko was having Haruka watch over Top anyway, then there was nothing stopping the Union from being aware of and treating Top's mom's illness even if Fuuko herself was indisposed time traveling

I absolutely agree that it's silly that that's not what happened from a Watsonian perspective, but from the Doylist perspective, Tozuka has created a character arc for Top to go through that just wouldn't work if throwing money at it was the solution

The lie that the current Top believes is that no one cares about him and his mom, and that they're better off fending for themselves than relying on others. He believes this because his community turned its back on them and refused to offer any help when they needed it, and thus he believes that community in and of itself is worthless. I think an outsider coming in with a ton of money would have undermined the message that people need each other and their communities to thrive, as I think that reintegrating Top into that community as if nothing happened would just leave him with resentful feelings towards them. "Oh, now that mom is magically better, you're just going to act like you didn't exile us?"

Instead, I think what needed to happen here was for Haruka to build a rapport with Top; their Tom-and-Jerry dynamic notwithstanding, they do seem to genuinely like each other, implying that even if they don't agree with each other, they are on generally friendly terms. Top's realization that Haruka gave him his Unbreakable shoes not to give him a power-up but to protect him from himself undoubtedly recontextualized every interaction that they'd ever had - her attempts to capture him weren't to punish him, they were to try to help him, he just couldn't see it

In the end, Top isn't going to go back to his normal community, he's going to join the Union, that's a foregone conclusion. For that to happen, though, he needs to understand that the Union is the community where he belongs, the one that will accept him and help him unconditionally, and building that rapport with him is absolutely necessary for him to come to see them that way

It's a lot like the fight with Void. Fuuko could have just disguised herself as Void's opponent, and she could have just beaten him instantly with Unluck, but the point was to communicate who she and the Union were and how Void would fit in with them, how they could provide the sense of belonging that he was looking for

It's sad that avoiding Top's tragedy wasn't enough, and maybe it would have been had Fuuko been there at the time, but the point is that this is where we are now. This is the scenario that we're in; Top is an outcast who doesn't trust in the idea of community, so he needs to be shown that there are people who do care and will be there for him no matter what. A misstep along the way created a new tragedy, but not one that can't be mended, and all it takes is for someone to hold out their hand

Until next time, let's enjoy life!

[lastweeksshirttonight]

We're back with Strike Force Five episode two, which seems to have randomly dropped at some point after I went to bed on Saturday. I enjoy when podcasts just randomly drop episodes, honestly, makes the whole thing feel more authentically chaotic.

I started listening to this while trying to figure out how to draft for fantasy football. I am not a football fan. I don't follow football. I don't know how to do fantasy. I very much procrastinated on that by doing these notes. My team is graded C- by Yahoo btw, which is two full grades higher than I expected.

Notes under the cut y'all.

This episode opens with Fallon talking about how he forgot his show's shirts glow in the dark. Apparently Billy Crystal tried to sleep in one recently and discovered this; John also noted a time when he was trying to get his infant son to sleep while wearing one of Fallon's shirts and saying it glowed "too well".

The audience for this podcast is obviously 30-something office drones like me. I say this because Atlassian is now running ads during the podcast. They must sense that everyone listening to this has it open in tab one while having their task-overrun Jira boards open in tabs two through five. John also completely "ruins" this ad - which was very on the rails for a decent amount of time! - by suggesting that Atlassian sounds like "one of those plans G. Gordon Liddy had to relect Nixon". Fallon also claims Atlassian is the name of his Fortnite character. (I wonder how my boss feels about both of those lol)

Everyone opens by briefly talking about how many staff they have. Stephen has 210, Kimmel has about 180 + 13 writers + a bunch of crew, Fallon thinks he has 305, and John jokingly says he has 500 people before admitting he misses his legal and research staff. He's ready to say things he thinks are true, instead of "things that are legally defensible".

Stephen: "Would you guys be okay if I had a little Casamigos, I got a bottle right here...?" John: "It's 7:30 in the morning, why not?" Seth: "That's like a 24 ounce 7-11 cup..." I'm so glad this is all in an auditory medium.

John is going to continue shitting on whatever alcohol company he shat on last week, and called it "pond water". I am guessing it's somehow related to Bud Light but that doesn't really track with tequila advertising, so who knows. I have in a past life had Bud Light Margarita in a Bag once, maybe John also suffered that unique hell.

If it IS Bud Light John is talking about, I have no idea how Stephen talking about Budweiser wanting him to be the voice for a Budweiser energy drink/caffeinated beer called B to the E/B 2 the E didn't get cut. This was in about 2001-2002, so well before Four Loko, and the ad copy contained things like "your friends are heading home AND YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!" (John is quietly dying in the background the entire fucking time before Googling if it ever came out. It did! Fallon is flatly like "that's illegal" in a completely baffled tone early on.)

We are 8 minutes into an hour-long podcast. Just informing you, in case you were wondering. Why yes I am obsessed/bad at football why do you ask

Kimmel insists that his early seasons - "for the first eight to eleven years" - were the worst of anyone's on the podcast. He said this after talking about, on his show, Mr. T and Jim Belushi hating each other and almost about to fight each other, his cousin doing pillow-fights early on and causing a catastrophe one episode by fighting Lennox Lewis culminating with Anna Nicole Smith falling into a cake, and another pillow fight with Tom Arnold ruining his suede jacket. I forget that Kimmel is partially of the Jerry Springer era, if not on his late-night show then from his other work, and this just really reminded me of that.

Mariah Carey wanted to be interviewed by Seth Meyers during Christmas in a functional sleigh. John tells a story about watching Watch What Happens Live where Andy Cohen, on live TV by himself, said that Mariah Carey was in the building but would not sit on the side where guests usually sit on his show and was desperately trying to fill time. Mariah seems fun.

If I had to imagine Hell for Stephen Colbert, it would be "having to fill in for a guest on The Daily Show and turning down an advanced screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". That scenario seems tailor-made to completely destroy him.

I'm glad I remember that Ben and Jerry bit Stephen and Fallon are talking about. I would love to know what this whole explanation sounds like to someone who does not remember the whole "best friends" late night "wars" of the time. Here's the bit btw. (Your daily reminder that the CC website sucks ass.)

I forgot Fallon started his show two weeks before Seth. I must have completely blanked out how quickly all of those hosts changed in 2014 (and then John starting the same year).

I'm with John on this one, "Allen key" makes waaaaaay more sense than "Allen wrench". It's a fucking key! The amount of shit I've had to put together with those goddamn things, it's not a wrench at ALL.

One thing I learned today: chairs are very serious business for most of the hosts. Fallon keeps a chair backstage to see how someone will look in chairs on the set, and to confirm that's okay with the guests. Seth, meanwhile, had chairs that John feel like he was being interviewed to be on Seth's show. And Stephen has all different sizes of chairs, to make everyone feel comfortable when they're on the show. (This is where things go predictably off the rails, as Seth then claims he has chairs that get smaller and smaller to keep guests on their toes.)

John's guest are was the most expensive part of his set, and they never used it. Somehow that doesn't surprise me. I was shocked they have a guest booker, though. (Stephen: "Wow what a cushy gig!")

Kimmel's live show ceased being live when Thomas Jane said "fuck" nineteen times on air and affiliates/censors were mad. Apparently on network you CAN technically say anything past ten p.m., according to Kimmel, but that's not the reality of the situation.

Seth: "People forget about the early 2000s. If you were a sports fan, you would often say, 'I wonder who won the big game... let's watch the Kimmel monologue.'" This is exactly what the 2000s were like, kids.

Seth and Fallon both were told by SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels that it would take them 18 months to get comfortable with their shows and figure out how to use them. Seth definitely felt that was wrong and he'd only take 6 months... but the first time he started the show from behind his desk was almost 18 months to the day from his first episode.

Stephen has an unaired 3-minute opening credits sequence that he wants to show on his last episode if possible. John also had a longer title sequence that he loved, but that his producer said he'd be constantly going over for time and he'd need to cut it down, lest he get continually furious over not having enough time for his actual show.

Fallon talks about how his first interview was with notoriously reticent and quiet Robert DeNiro, who gave Fallon one-word answers for literally everything. John asks if anyone told him he was starting from a high difficulty degree, but is interrupted by Stephen remembering a Space Train sketch in the middle of Fallon's interview featuring DeNiro.

Stephen remembers more about Fallon's show than Fallon does, which is wild. Stephen probably remembers more about everyone's show than they do, based on the first two episodes.

Stephen calling The Colbert Report "a totally different beast and maybe doesn't even fit in this conversation" made me sad. Tell me all the Report gossip!!!

Stephen telling the story of how he made the Public Access Show for Monroe, Michigan prior to doing late night is incredible. I remember watching him and Eminem do that show the day the internet became aware of it, and it is just a fascinating bit of transitional Colbert work. Also, had no idea they took over a real show... or that they got almost 0 viewers for it, lol. Here's the link to the bit, for your viewing pleasure:

Fallon must realize that John has said literally nothing for a while, because he asks how the first episode of Last Week Tonight went. John actually talks about hosting The Daily Show for three months. He says he'd never interviewed anyone before then (I'm guessing he means that as in "I've never interviewed someone seriously and with the eye of not taking the piss out of them", because he'd done MANY filmed interviews for correspondent pieces before then) and talks about the episode where the power was cut. They taped the episode on a camcorder and had to feed it to Comedy Central through Stephen's office.

Stephen then talks about how his first episode almost doesn't make it to air because it couldn't be exported from Avid. Everyone in the editing bay insists this is fine, and it did end up being fine, but the contrast between how CBS editing works and John having to go to another office to feed a show to Comedy Central is so interesting.

Stephen also kicked down a door after this. Please enjoy this mental image, you freaks.

John and Stephen sharing a bitter laugh over John's joke about Les Moonves in the background is fantastic.

John is the first person to bring up that Ryan Reynolds turned around Wrexham the team AND the city. I really should watch that show.

We now return to Last Week Tonight, which lawyers refused to allow to be live. (Knowing John's comedic sensibilities, I completely understand Legal's stance.) He acknowledges that they had too many ideas going together in the first episodes, including a pre-taped guest. The big thing they learned was that they were doing one show a week, which lead to research coming in throughout the week that undermined their segments, rewriting whole shows on Thursday, and the realization that doing the show that way was completely unsustainable. Having watched those early episodes recently (and I promise I'm still doing that in the background), this context totally explains the franticness and weird pacing early on. Of course things feel more didactic and surface level - they were writing full episodes in two days! The show completely restaffed and changed after year one, and John's "bones were as hollow as a sparrow". He also knew that anyone who didn't like episode one was going to hate episode two, because it was about the death penalty.

Seth's first guests were Amy Poehler and Joe Biden, because they'd been on Parks and Rec together and Biden gladly accepted being after Amy.

Seth's misplaced confidence in his pink eye sketch is very relatable.

Fallon texting everyone that he is basically dying of heat stroke in his room and is trying to leave to save himself is hilarious. Poor Jimmy, he's suffering and getting clowned so hard for it. AND THEN Stephen talks about the opening of Fallon's first episode and all the change he dumped on his desk and him. And Fallon had to run up to the roof with change falling out of his clothes. Again, all this while Fallon is having a heat episode. As John says, "we should rename this 'Asphyxiating Jimmy Fallon'."

Fallon is also vaguely losing his mind and forgets he can talk on a podcast, because he keeps texting the others his thoughts.

They actually address the hosting schedule! Next episode, Stephen is hosting. After that, it's John (I'm excited for the inevitable LMFAO retrospective and/or extensive discussion of penii on rooves), then "James Theodore Fallon".

Thank you for reading this ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE BLOCK OF TEXT I'm so sorry that this is apparently my niche right now, thousands of words on a 45 min to 1 hr podcast featuring five white guys. One day the John pictures will again outnumber my blatherings, I promise.

[the-larxist-manifesto]

GameGirl40 ~ Donkey Kong (1994)

No, it's not that arcade game your grandpa swears he holds the world record in. And no, it's not a marketable toy Mario army swarming the world like a wave of nanobots. Donkey Kong '94, as it's colloquially nicknamed, is an entirely unique game—a beast as complex in strategy and surprisingly rich in heart as the monkey whose name it bears.

Seriously, Nintendo loves to make AMAZING games SPECIFICALLY about Donkey Kong. From DK Country on the Super Nintendo to Tropical Freeze on the Wii U... does this tiny Game Boy revival stand up to its relatives?

~Mario vs. Donkey Kong~

Let me first elucidate its relationship to the games I mentioned at the top. Interestingly, DK '94 exists as a bridge between two legacies of franchises. It's not just a revival of the original Donkey Kong games back in the arcade, in which big ape terrorizes construction worker with OSHA workplace violations. This game also acts as a spiritual prequel to the now-long-running Mario vs. Donkey Kong series of games, sharing a similar visual aesthetic, powerups, environments, move set, and focus on puzzle-solving. We also have this game to thank for the return of the Mushroom Kingdom's favorite red dress in showbiz, Pauline, who we see for the first time in her modern redesign!

Mario's adventure begins exactly where he left off back in the day; the construction site! The first four levels cutely reference their first outing, but this world expands far beyond the white void...

And yes, this game does have color, but only when enhanced through the Super Game Boy attachment for the SNES (which is unfortunately not replicated in the 3DS Virtual console release...)

The plot of this game is like watching Tom and Jerry go at each other's throats. Every world begins with Donkey Kong taunting Mario with his screaming Pauline prize, Mario lunging for DK, DK sabotaging Mario with a boulder or other comically heavy object, and Mario acrobatically evading the ogre's every attack and then chasing him off the screen. Constant fighting and bickering and poking fun at one another. It's like a little schoolyard rivalry, and as such, each level is a jungle gym on which they play their eternal game of tag.

As a matter of fact, the cartoonish plot slides seamlessly into the gameplay; not quite like the Mario or Donkey Kong games that we're used to, but a hybrid of both fused into one action-puzzle gauntlet.

~Mario is flipping out~

To save Pauline, Mario has tuned his tubby body into an agility MACHINE—boasting the most moves in his entire history as a 2D side scroller, up to this point. Look to this game for the origin of Mario's most famous later moves, like the skidding backflip (adapted into the sideflip in SM64) and the triple handstand jump (adapted into the triple jump in New SMB). He can handstand to gain height on jumps and kick away falling objects—he spins on wires to fling himself upward—he climbs up, down, to, and from ropes with both of his arms (DK Jr.-style)—he regains his ability to pick up and throw large objects over his head (SMB2 USA-style)—this Mario does it all.

In addition, the levels themselves contain new kinds of powerups and interactable items that extend Mario's advantage over his hairy rival. When he finds them, Mario can place blocks, long platforms, ladders, and springs. His famous barrel-smashing hammer returns too, which he can toss into the air and catch; try it and you can smuggle a hammer up ladders and out-of-reach platforms.

Despite feeling Mario's weight as he jogs and skids to a stop, I never felt as incumbered as I did in the original Donkey Kong. Mario's moves are complemented perfectly with the levels in this game.

Hey, that kinda looks like the hammer from Paper Mario, doesn't it..?

~Pick-up-and-play puzzles~

Mario is SO agile and SO well-equipped in this game, in fact, that he traverses the levels from top to bottom in no time flat; the game even promotes speedrunning by keeping track of your best times for each level beaten. Don't get me wrong; it's not that the stages aren't perfectly scaled for the small screen and moderately sized sprites. Rather, DK '94 was cleverly designed to contain a lot of small puzzles in quick succession. Play four of them in 15 minutes or so, save your game after the boss battle, and then put the Game Boy down and get back to work. It's the perfect little game to take on a quick lunch break!

In order from top-left to bottom-right: 3-6 took me a bit to get the extremely tight timing, 4-11 contained a frendlie frogie that would bounce you to the upper right area, 8-11 featured another lightning quick timing puzzle, 9-4 results in Mario imprisoning DK Jr. which is just :c

Most levels require Mario to locate a key and carry it to a door, limiting his movement and increasing his risk of being beaten senselessly by Kong's friends. In this way, the levels are often played in two halves—the first half, in which you maneuver at full capacity to clear a path for the key, and the second half, in which you RUN FOR YOUR LIFE TO THE EXIT CLUTCHING THAT KEY LIKE ITS YOUR FIRST BORN. That may sound formulaic, but each stage contains so many different kinds of unique enemies, interactable objects, moving platforms, and fatal falls that no one screen is similar to another. This adventure challenges you to think outside of the box and use every resource at your disposal, a very strong point for a puzzler.

My only criticism would be the airplane world, where most of the levels take place under heavy wind conditions. If you've played Lost levels, you know by now that wind and Mario do not mix. Even the iceberg world was easily more tolerable. At least you can jump over all the slippery ice.

Kong's friends, according to the manual. He's friends with oil. Oil which is polite enough to wear a name tag identifying itself. As oil.

~Conclusion~

I hope I've sang its praises enough to convince you that DK '94 fully delivers—more than that, it excels as a puzzle platformer and a worthy relative of the Donkey Kong name.

Genuinely my biggest criticism of the game has to be the overall composition... the graphics are quite legible and cute, but the sound design is just... embarrassing. It's not that the music is BAD... it's just... so bleepy and bloopy. I know, I know, it's a Game Boy game. Game Boys bleep and bloop. But this by far the most egregious example of obnoxious video game noises, and you will look like the nerdy background character in a sitcom if you're playing in a public space. Or Dr. House. Look, just trust me, I brought it along to a crowded airport. I'd never been so ashamed to be holding a 3DS.

That tiny point aside, I had a great time finally completing this one. I've owned it forever, but my child self held no patience for puzzles. I've grown to appreciate it a lot more. And yeah, despite the fact that there are bonus collectible items hidden here and there, the game offers no extra achievements for 100% completion. Beat the game and you're done. Took me a collective 6 hours to accomplish that. It's a simple one, but I would argue that the best puzzles thrive on clever simplicity.

Do I recommend it? Yes! It's a Game Boy essential!!

Hello, Mario.

*snifffffff*

Mmm... do I smell a row 2 wrap-up ahead?

~Lark Lyke

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Another IP-based picture to add to the Warner Bros. Pictures Animation pile.

A new Tom & Jerry movie scripted by Will McCormack, Rashida Jones, and Michael Govier... A film, whether it's animated or another hybrid, that might end in the two parting ways... After 84+ years of being onscreen together. Get it? Because McCormack and Jones blueprinted much of TOY STORY 4, the movie where Woody leaves the Bonnie's room gang for a nomadic life with Bo Peep. (Though he appears to pay visits to his old pals, if the TOY STORY 5 concept art is anything to go by.)

Anyways... We've had two theatrical Tom & Jerry movies, and there were some live-action pictures where at least one character from the long-running franchise made an appearance. Like those MGM musicals, ANCHORS AWEIGH and such.

And it appears none of the Tom & Jerry movies never really got it right in the eyes of critics and observers. I never saw the 2021 hybrid movie, but I did see the 1992 film. I distinctly remember, at age 9-ish... Approx 2001/02... I was going through a Tom & Jerry phase. Cartoon Network aired hour-long blocks of the theatrical shorts (from the MGM/Hanna-Barbera classics all the way up to the end of Chuck Jones' run in the late '60s) daily, and being a classic animation enthusiast already, I was hooked. I was completely unaware back then that there was a MOVIE. To my knowledge, Cartoon Network never aired it back then. At least, whenever I was able to watch some tube.

One day at the video store, looking for Tom and Jerry VHSes to rent... There it was. I was pumped! There was a Tom and Jerry MOVIE??? That wasn't that new-ish MAGIC RING thing? And it came out back in 1992? (There was a copyright on the tape label) I rented it ASAP... Watched it... And was less caught off guard by the two of them talking, and more caught off guard by how similar it was to THE RESCUERS in its storyline. I remember feeling kinda "nothing" when finishing it. And then the next night of my weekend, I gave it one more whirl... And, yeah, it didn't leave much of an impression. It was basically Discount RESCUERS with Tom and Jerry in it, to me.

Looking at it now, especially since we're well past the late '00s Nostalgia Critic review of it that kinda put it back into "what the hell IS this movie?" spotlight, yeah... TOM & JERRY: THE MOVIE 1992 is a rather unhinged and weird little movie, but I guess in 2001/02, it was par for the course for kid-aged me. We just grew up on weird-ass animated movies, cartoons, and other assorted family entertainment. If not for the internet and reviewers, it might've just faded into obscurity. "Oh, there was a Tom & Jerry movie in the early '90s that kinda stunk? Heh."

All I know about the hybrid movie is that the animation stuff is supposedly the highlight, and it's closer to the classic duo's best work, but falls apart elsewhere.

I honestly don't want for the new one to be a hybrid. There's no reason, IMO, to it. The fun of Tom and Jerry, from the word-go, is that they inhabit a cartoon universe where such slapstick and violence work. That's not to say a hybrid absolutely can't work, because COYOTE VS. ACME is said to be a really good film and the inverse of 2021 T&J, SPACE JAM, etc. More ROGER RABBIT than not. Figures it's the one we don't get to see, because Zaslav is a bum. But unless you've got a really solid premise for the live-action portion, I'm not necessarily game for it. You'll just have another CHIPMUNKS/YOGI BEAR/SMURFS thing.

So, I'm hoping this new Tom & Jerry movie is entirely animated. Stylized, if you will. A CG picture that's very 2D-like and painterly, that looks like a 3D version of the banger MGM cartoons made circa 1943-1950. Otherwise, I have nothing else to say until I hear more about it. But it goes to show, that cat and mouse are an everlasting flavor.

[cyberpawn]

what is this, like a hobby for you now? // vaas

Portal 2 Prompts

The comfort of a tree was not to be underestimated, its trunk thin enough and easy enough for Vale to scale within a couple seconds. The branches were strong enough for them to climb and rest upon, which was key for a moment such as this one! Vale saw themselves as something of a form of entertainment for the folks on Rook Island, a routine, almost like watching the same cartoon at the same time every day.

"Oh contrary--contraire! Oh contraire, dude! I'd call this a skill at this point! I can piss you off and climb a tree allllll in under less than a minute! That's gotta be worth somethin'! We're like Wile E. and Roadrunner! Tom and Jerry!" Vale whooped and laughed from their spot in the jungle tree, hidden within the vines and leaves and branches that blocked them from easily being shot at. They balanced as they stood, peeking through the vines and giggling yet again as they looked down at Vaas.

"Whoa...you're short when you're standing down there! Look at you! How's your day goin'? Got your cardio in today? Or is it a leg day?"

[alinalioness]

Surprise for Alina 9 Chapter:Concert.

Later.

A concert was held in the evening. The third number is already performing. The new costumes have already learned to sing "Wonderworld" by heart. Alina looked at the audience with excitement.

Griffona:Are you worried?

Alina:(Nods) Yes.

Griffona:Don't worry about it. Moreover, we are looking for Balan and his friends.

While Alina and Griffona were talking, the others except the new suits decided to move away.

Ella:You know, guys, we almost forgot about one hundred always happens on birthdays.

Heroes:Cake.

Cristine:We just have time for that.

Gatteria:You just need to stay away so that Alina doesn't hear.

The heroes were in a different place while Pinkie Pie was standing near the board.

Pinkie Pie:I like making cakes and how do we start thinking about what kind of cake will be.

Sanya:How about on the subject of us?

Carlin:This is great idea.

Fire:And there will also be a rainbow one.

Sunny:From red to white.

Pinkie:So we have to put someone in.

Julia:Alina and we are girls in pink.

Krash:Then we are kikoriki on the green.

SpongeBob:Me and my friends on blue.

Freddy:Then... we're on purple.

Phineas:We are Disney on blue.

Fire:Then we are rainbow on red.

Daisy:The silent ones will be on white (Tom, Jerry, Oggy and Jack nod).

Ella:We are ordinary characters in turquoise.

Boog:We are full-length and gaming on orange.

Sparkle:Then BWW is on yellow.

Pinkie Pie had already finished drawing the cake on the board, which made her and the others surprised.

Tricky:How big will the cake be.

Cristine:Alina will definitely be happy.

Meanwhile, with BWW.

The heroes went to the concert to watch the performance.

Balan:Are you going to some kind of entertainment?

Max:It's terribly expensive to have fun in Moscow. So we're just walking.

Irina:It's good that they decided here for free.

After the ninth number, the concert host comes out.

Leader:And now in the last issue, Alina and her friends are performing (BWW were surprised).

BWW:Ours? (The spotlight shone on Alina) Alina.

Song "Wonderworld" from BWW.

[Alina]

Hello to the wonderworld

Say hello to Balan's world

Come and celebrate with me

Our new world, our life...

(Later, new costumes appear on stage, which is why BWW were glad to see them while they were singing)

BWW:Costumes!

Emma:They managed to find us.

Balan:Let's surprise her. She'll be awfully pleased.

Before.

(The rest of the characters, after planning the cake preparation, go back until Rainbow Dash noticed BWW)

Rainbow Dash:Look, our friends have been found!

Krash:So it worked.

Sparkle:Hurry up to them.

(When they arrived, they were gone. But they immediately realized that BWW had noticed Alina and left)

[Emoji]

I cried a lot

With mixed thoughts

[BombFish]

But I always got up

Till I reached the goal

[Stretchinpillar]

I never give up

'Cause I believe

(He noticed that Leo was standing behind him and Leo was gesturing for him to keep the secret)

[Hackatoo]

Now I know

Every second was precious

[Sleepy Bear]

Don't have to be too positive

Don't need to be too negative

[Sirens]

Balance will bring a happy ending

[Jester Jump]

When we open our heart we see

The world is so magical

[Alina]

Them dreams can all come true

[Alina and new costumes]

Oh!

(BWW characters appear on stage while Balan and Lance hold Alina and Emoji)

[Alina and BWW]

Hello to the wonderworld

Alina:(Happily) Guys!

Say hello to Balan's world

Come and celebrate with me

Our new world, our life

Hello to the wonderworld

Say hello to Balan's world

Flags our waving for our day

Our new world, our life

Hello to the wonderworld

Say hello to Balan's world

Come and celebrate with me

Flags our waving for our day

Our new world, our life

Hello to the wonderworld!

After the song, the applause was joyfully applauded while the rest of the characters came on stage.

Freddy:We are very glad that we have finally found yours.

Balan:We are also happy, and thanks to our new friends Max and Irina.

Max:Although it didn't work out, we tried.

Alina:I will thank you for trying to find us for our friends.

Olivia:Balan, the costumes, did you recognize us?

Balan and costumes:(Happily) Yes!

While they hugged Olivia and the lost costumes, the inhabitants were surprised to see the lost ones. Balan and the suits were released from the embrace.

Balan:Please introduce Olivia and the lost costumes. Six of you are former representatives.

Cass:And it's true, although they don't have anything to do with our problems.

Sicily:Lance, you've really changed.

Lance:(Nods) Yes, I'm not a villain anymore.

Emoji:How happy we are, now we can celebrate...

Alina:By what?

Balan and Lance nodded to each other and approached Alina.

Balan:Honestly, those new friends that you met with them, your costumes (The heroes were surprised).

Alina:My?

Lance:Although the surprise was not a success, but still.

Alina:That's certainly nice of you... But I'm not an inhabitant.

Yuri:It's nothing to worry about.

Jose:The main thing is a gift from us.

Tornado Wolf:Although in fact it is a gift, we are all friends ourselves and everyone is gathered.

Alina:So, Emoji is my representative and Griffona is my Negaboss.

Griffona appears on stage in the form of Alina, but her hair and clothes were different. Negabosses in human form immediately noticed her.

Griffona:I welcome you.

Barktholomew:(With Negabosses nodded) We also.

Balan:In general, this is from us.

Alina couldn't contain her joy and hugged Balan, Lance, Leo, Emma, the inhabitants of suits and Negabosses tightly. Why were her close friends surprised and hugged her.

Max:But how are we going to visit?

Krash:Very easy.

To be continued...

[razputin-vodello-au-archives]

So, question what psychic techniques are banned from Psychonaut training? Because I could see psychically blocking pain as one since, well, everyone would have a heart attacks if someone came in with a broken arm and not feeling any pain from it.

[Norma] 'Blocking pain' is not really something we can do.

[Gisu] Unless you implant the hypnotic suggestion beforehand. Make them believe they can't feel pain.

[Raz] And what afterwards? The suggestion wears out, and you get hit by all the pain all at once.

[Sam] Sounds ...painful.

[Adam] That's an understatement.

[Lizzie] (Chuckles) I just imagine someone being all fine one second, and the next he just belts out an iconic Tom scream.

[Raz] Who's Tom?

[Morris] Tom and Jerry? The cat and mouse?

[Raz] Oh, now I remember!

[Sam] You sound surprised? Your mom doesn't let you watch or something?

[Raz] Sasha, actually. He - and I quote - 'Abhors the cartoonish trivialization of violence those two animated mammals glorify'.

[Gisu] (Giggles) It's amazing how much you can make yourself sound like Sasha, Poots.

[Raz] Mom's fine with me watching, though. She finds it funny.

[Morris] (Pause) Is it weird I'm surprised Milla likes that sort of humor?

[Adam] You're not the only one, mate.

[Norma] Back to the question at hand, guys?

[Raz] I think 'excessive damage' is banned.

[Morris] That's not a 'Psychic Technique', Hermanito.

[Raz] It is when Norma gets angry.

[Lizzie] (Cackles)

[Norma] Very funny, Razputin.

[Gisu] Ooooh, she used your full name, Raz. She's mad.

[Norma] I'm not.

[Sam] Yes, you are.

[Norma] I'M N- keep up the joke, and I'll show you 'angry' and 'excessive damage'.

[Raz] (Chuckles) See?

[Adam] Anyone else got some 'forbidden techniques' in mind?

[Lizzie] We can't use precognition before tests, for one.

[Norma] None of us are proficient in that particular power, sis.

[Morris] Still doesn't stop Hollis from powering up the 'Psychic Dampeners' when we're having a written test, though...

[Norma] And who's fault it that?

[Sam] Hey, I only tried it once.

[jarognieva]

Also 1, 2 and 41 for the asks meme you reblogged!

1. Do you have freckles? 

No

2.  Do you drink tea or coffee? How you take it? 

Already answered but I'll copy it:

I drink both, but now I drink coffee rarely. I used to drink A LOT of coffee in my previous work in coffee shop (averagely three coffee with double espresso for a day xD) because boss let us drink so much coffee as we wanted to.

(It's miracle I didn't die for heart attack after this xD)

41. What’s your favorite cartoon? 

I haven't seen much cartoons 😅 (if we're talking about modern ones). The last cartoon I watched from beginning to end and really enjoyed it was She-Ra (Entrapta and Hordak my beloved). It is perfectly balanced show both for children and adults in my opinion. You know, there are a lot of shows which are too "childish" or too "mature"... Oh and I liked the fact it includes not only lgbtq+ characters but also neurodivergent 🖤

If we're talking about cartoons from my childhood, my favourites was: Tabaluga (I was huge fan of dragons from childhood hehe), Smurfs, Looney toons, Tom and Jerry (I always supported Tom xD)

Link to asks here

[thegreatimpersonator]

I HAD A DREAM THAT YOU PLAYED A MAIN ROLE IN 😭😭😭so we're staying at your family's nice house in the middle of the woods. I'm staying with you specifically because you're a journalist, and I guess I need to be interviewed for some project so it was easier for me to stay in your family's house. You also have an uncle and aunt and the former's a weirdo. Your sister (who's my irl best friend?) is pregnant with The Rock's baby and ready to burst. Your aunt's pretty cool idk.

I'm losing my shit because dream-parent and dream-uncle are REALLY WEIRD but I'm the only one eavesdropping on it and idk who to tell who'll believe me. Just think that every night I'm overhearing oddly sexual comments from both of them when they think no one can hear. Im trying to figure out when to tell you except I'm also a spy (???) and you let me bring my gun so I was thinking about shooting them. I thought it'd work because your aunt is also a spy and talked about shooting evil men like that. Then your brother, Ravi from Jessie, really liked the creepy men. One morning you woke up and told me you found a white mouse in your room. Odd. Then that night, I'm eavesdropping on an interview about your sister/my friend's baby with The Rock since she gave birth, and that also involved the pets keeping guard of my room so I couldn't eavesdrop? which included my friend's bulldog who was standing on his hind legs and BUFF like the dog from Tom & Jerry. I also had a real life baby Yoda who sang. I'm getting ready for bed, deciding how I'm gonna tell u about the creeps I wanna assasinate, when I'm woken up by a falcon SCREECHING in the yard and I watch him eat a tiny round bird 🙁I go to close the blinds but then realize THERES A LONG WHITE MOUSE IN MY ROOM?? He starts moving. I move back and get scared. He notices. He goes 😡 and bites me. I jump on the dresser and call you. Your supervisor (??) answers happily and is like "oh haha getting a work phone is too expensive so all the journalists' calls get rerouted here. What did you wanna talk to Sara about?" And I go "this is so silly but there's a white mouse in my room and idk what to do" because I couldn't just go to your room because Madame Bulldog was standing guard. Supervisor laughs and goes "oh no that's horrible!" And there's more chatter before I wake up. Now I'm confused and annoyed because I have to work early today. But ofc I had to share! Crazy how the internet gives us connections that this random tumblr user has made an appearance in my dream 😊