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knackfandomarchive · 10 months ago

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could i ask for some lucas headcanons bc all of the ones you've posted so far are really cute lmao (he is my son)

Oh Bestie, you sweet-talker, you!

Umm... I'm so sorry; I had already talked about most of these before; I don't have much and only have like 15k words of prose across all my documents. I'm bringing these ideas up again mainly for context and in case some readers haven't seen them yet. This is sort of like an overview for the first segment of my story, and also some brief character analyses of certain scenes. I'm also not sure what would spoil my story or not.

I forgot how English works (and it's my only language).

Also this is depressing AF... I tried to put all the doom and gloom into this first part, so if anyone reading this wants to skip to the part that says, "I avoid giving Lucas any diagnosis..." then be my guest. It's. Half the post, tho.

And I'll post the art separately tomorrow, so people won't have to read the depressing stuff to see it.

With that, I can shakily point to a few foundational scenes I over-analyzed. Especially this one:

Where to start...

As we may recall in the first game, the Doctor complains to Ryder that it was easier to take care of Lucas when he was younger, and, "now he wants to know How and Why and debate everything. It's really quite trying at times."

This just sounds like puberty to me. Dad agreed; the Doctor probably received Lucas at a young, easy-to-please age and got used to that lifestyle. But as Lucas grew older, taking more independence, and forming his own opinions - normal development stuff - this resulted in conflict - the form of which I'm still unsure of.

So, I have Lucas lose his mom around eight years old. It's that vulnerable spot where he's old enough to remember her well, and young enough that he has little in the way of coping mechanisms. And while puberty is right around the corner, it gives the Doctor some time to know him before then.

Another thing to add, my Dad mentioned something Lucas said while reaching for his locket:

We're taking a literal approach to this. Not only is this device the last thing he has left of his mother, it's also the only thing he has left of his old life; all of his belongings had been destroyed or lost. We discussed possible causes, and I prefer something horrible and yet mundane. Not super newsworthy outside of his hometown. A fire, maybe?

Lucas needed a new home. And his father was never mentioned, which could mean anything (I haven't gotten around to that). In any case, they were not in the picture by this time. Next of kin would be Ryder or other family members.

We can recall Ryder in a later scene asking if Lucas wonders why the Doctor takes care of him, rather than Ryder doing so. Ryder explains his own unavailability as being very busy. I take this to mean two-fold: he was the only alternative when it came to raising Lucas, and it wasn't due to his capability to parent. So, if Lucas had other blood relatives, they never stepped up. Naturally, this results in Lucas feeling unwanted.

So many characters I need to get right... Lucas lost his mom, and Ryder lost his sister. Ryder may have thought himself and his life situation too unstable. Like he couldn't afford the responsibility on top of the grief and whatever else he had going on. Lucas stays with him for only as long as it takes to arrange a plan with the Doctor. I think Ryder might have some mental troubles of his own that would make raising a child difficult. But the Doctor isn't much better on that front.

Doctor Vargas seems to have had a lingering emotional wound since Charlotte disappeared, and based on vibes was likely a lonely, somewhat reserved man. But his living situation is the most stable, and he has kept it together for so long. And if he ever imagined having children, this would fill that need. So the arrangement - as my Dad suggested, and as I will have Ryder suggest - is a two birds, one stone kind of deal. The hope is that Doc and Lucas would help each other get better, and not worse.

Lucas is taken to the Doctor's Mansion, where Ryder will say goodbye. I have Ryder keep a stoic demeanor; he's trying to stay strong for Lucas. Even holding his breath to keep it from shuddering when they hug. But Lucas really could have benefitted from a more vulnerable moment with him, instead. Ryder is the one who gives Lucas the locket as a parting gift. Lucas begs him not to go, but Ryder can only say he's sorry.

I don't know the boy's educational situation exactly, but after that, his grades drop, he becomes more withdrawn, and his friends, if he has any, don't know how to help him. What are the chances they're mainly fair-weather friends, who go play with someone else when Lucas starts being a bummer? At least I haven't invented bullies to harass him on top of this. Actually, there's a chance that Lucas would be the bully, but I haven't decided.

Have I mentioned Lucas crying at night? He can just about gloomily keep it together during the day, but at night, when he's alone with his thoughts, he falls apart, and his crying soon wakes up the Doctor. Losing his mother and then feeling abandoned by his uncle and other relatives, it's a major blow to the self-esteem. And when his whole world is turned upside down in one fell swoop, it leaves him with a peculiar feeling.

Here is where I point out the next aspect:

Right here, this could have been the end of Lucas. And the Doctor can only watch him go. If I look at it from a more thematic view, Lucas's loss is so devastating to him that he'll clutch the memory of his mother and what he had before she died, at the expense of living himself.

So we have a semi-suicidal eight-year-old living with an older scientist and anyone else who lives in the same building. Scientists and their families from all over the world! I still don't know how the Doctor is going to take care of him. Lucas when he's older is grateful to the Doctor for taking him in, but doesn't seem to me to think of him as a father figure (but perhaps I just forgot something). And my grasp on the Doctor's character is extremely flimsy, despite him virtually being the protagonist of the first game.

I'm not sure how familiar Lucas is with Doctor Vargas. The boy's mom was a colleague, and Ryder trusts the Doctor a great deal, so at least they're not strangers. But Little Lucas might not have paid much attention to the Doctor. Maybe they played peek-a-boo a time or two. I can imagine a dark-haired toddler running under tables at company picnics or something. Doc might have showed him a couple neat gadgets or gifted him some. I dunno yet. What could be the KNACK-equivalent of a Game Boy?

During Lucas's crying spells, I kind of have the Doctor treat him like he's physically sick. Hold him while he cries, put a hand on his shoulder while he throws up, that sort of thing. Uhh, soup - in a big ol' thermos. Gotta stay hydrated and replenish those electrolytes.

Lucas crying and the Doctor consoling him is a regular occurrence for maybe a week or two, and the Doctor can't hide his exhaustion well. Still working out the details, but essentially Lucas doesn't really stop crying after that, he's just quieter about it and lies about it and Doctor Vargas doesn't press the issue. But the Doctor does worry. Lucas seems exhausted all the time, and when he's not hunched over and listless, or politely playing along with whatever to satisfy the grown-ups, he's throwing tantrums about the pointlessness of homework and anything else he doesn't want to do. I made that up. Sometimes he does still find joy in some things, and while it's temporary, it gives Doctor Vargas some hope.

The Doctor's thoughts, as they often do, turn to Charlotte, and how he felt after losing her. And what happened on that fateful day.

Lucas has a well-known love of puzzles. Because I want him to. And especially puzzles in video games. And what is science but a series of puzzles?

Before his mother's passing, I imagine Lucas enjoyed school and gained some reputation among his peers for being a nerdy kid and very smart. Naturally this would result in some peers getting close to him to improve their academic metrics or because they have similar interests. Maybe he has an interest in - the foundational stuff a seven-to-eight-year-old learns about - physics. I imagine he found his mommy's work very interesting and would ask her a lot of questions, sometimes rehashing the same ideas again and again (as my sibling did when they were little).

After she's gone, he still loves puzzles, but much like anything else, the experience of playing with them is tinged with regret. At the Doctor's place, I'm sure there are some other children and young folk living there, too, but I don't know how Lucas feels about them. I have to make so many characters...

I think Lucas would piece together some jigsaw puzzles in the lounge areas. And also slurp up much of the hot cocoa during winter time, but I digress.

Hmm. I need him to accumulate a small collection of toys, but I'm not sure yet who gives them to him and when. If he receives them all too soon and from strangers (scientists who find him endearing), he might feel sour about being pitied. At the same time, if he had a lot of toys before the fire, he'll sure miss their absence. Anyway, some things like: a small chess set, from which he'll lose some pieces, sidewalk chalk, a new gaming device with Tetris and a few other games on it, jump rope, a skateboard (actually a longboard), a Rubik's Cube, and some plushies. I want him to get the device and a plushy or two fairly quickly.

He mainly plays with the gaming device, and while it fills time and is entertaining, it does not fill the void. Still, the Doctor taps his shoulder one day.

"So. I heard you like puzzles?" Said more like a statement than a question.

Lucas doesn't fully understand the situation at first, on the order of a few hours or a day or so, when the Doctor shows him the orb. Doc tries to have a heart-to-heart moment with Lucas, but what the Doctor *says* reads like Chekhov's plasma cannon and I don't have the 'payoff' for that lined up, so I might change it.

But once it clicks for Lucas, it's like a switch is flipped. He smiles more and starts getting genuinely excited about things again. It helps that I had a pipe-dream of making Knack's puzzle a mini-game, so Lucas finds it fun. I'll want to add more to it, probably, depending on how I interpret Knack. I also have a headcanon that Knack's orb resembles a plasma globe in some tactile characteristic; Lucas likes to touch or hold it at every opportunity because it vaguely feels like something is going on in there. It's just so cool! The Doctor may or may not appreciate the novelty.

So it's like, Knack provides Lucas an opportunity to climb to his feet again. More indirectly than the screenshot, though.

I apparently got someone's game-play video confused for a trailer, and misinterpreted the YouTuber's voice as Lucas's voice, so one version of this post mentioned Knack having an incidental role of 'guardian' to Lucas. I still might want to play with that, though.

Anyway, if you're curious as to why Lucas finds the orb so much more satisfying than other puzzles, it's because of the angst. I had initially intended for Lucas to work on the project as something to distract him, much like any other puzzle, give him something to look forward to, and help him bond with Doctor Vargas. The Doctor himself hopes it can help the both of them move on from their losses, and hopes it can help him teach Lucas a thing or two.

But, somehow surprising even to me, Lucas seems to have taken it upon himself to solve this particular puzzle as a measure of value. If he can play a big part in solving it, and contribute to a grown-up scientific achievement, then he's worth all the trouble, right? Then he'll actually amount to something and be worth loving.

... I'm not sure what to say next except that I want to bonk him on the head with a paper towel roll and tell him he's being silly. And then give him a big hug.

At least he lets himself be happy again. In fact, his educational situation might flip from being too aloof to being too distracted. Doodling odd symbols in the margins of his homework and tapping his feet when he should be studying.

He still cries at night sometimes, though. Umm... trying to rack my brain here...

I avoid giving Lucas any diagnosis. Is this a bad idea? Would it be preferred I name his issues, and do research on them?

I kinda just make stuff up.

Okay, switching gears now. This part is more scattered because I don't know how to string the ideas together.

I think I mentioned the Doctor taking Lucas to places like museums and carnivals and aquariums.

Lucas might be prone to jealousy, at least when he is young, and becomes slightly possessive over the orb. This doesn't come up much beyond pressing his lips together, avoiding eye contact, and nursing a bitter feeling when the Doctor improves some experimental hardware without Lucas's prior knowledge. Lucas wonders if the Doctor had continued solving parts without him. Not sure if I should drop it.

Lucas is about ten years old by the time Knack is Manifested. I picked ten years old just 'cause that's about two years of working on the puzzle, enough time to build that machine. I don't want it to take too long or short because the puzzle I'm going with currently makes the Doctor look a bit stupid.

I have Lucas as twelve years old when the first game starts, because that's about middle-school age where the puberty does the things. And about 16 or so in the sequel, trying to balance the moved-out thing with the uncharacteristically immature behavior.

Also because Ava seems about 16 and Dad said that number makes sense for her role as a youth leader, and Ava and Lucas seem like peers. Man, they really flopped on the framing for the scene in this shot! I can hardly see Lucas at all with low brightness. Maybe it's different when you play it yourself.

Dad also told me something that I interpreted to mean most media is really bad at establishing ages. So I'm not sure what to do with that.

Anyway, ten years old.

I'm still not sure how, after the excitement of success subsides, Lucas will initially react to the creature made of stone. His reaction will probably depend on his background. Early drafts have him fed fairy tales that paint goblins unfavorably. And since the creature resembles a goblin in some aspects, Lucas freaks himself out or intimidates the little guy. But these drafts felt silly or off, because the creature is all smiles when he wakes up, and we know he's friendly. Also the Doctor just stands there. So I'll come up with something else, probably.

Regarding Knack's relationship with Lucas: When I see other people describe their relationship as sibling-like (a headcanon), they tend to position Knack as the elder. I may need to double-check; the fandom is pretty small and I haven't read much of the fanfictions. Another headcanon I saw a couple times is that Knack had been alive/conscious a long, long time ago.

But recently someone told me they interpret Lucas as the elder!

My interpretation is that Lucas steps up to that particular plate, first.

My idea goes: before anyone knows for sure that Knack's creature type also includes being a person, Lucas treats him a bit like a toddler and a pet, himself acting as the older brother and sorta babysitter. Still trying to decide if Knack knows he is a person at this stage... It seems like in both games, Lucas tends to talk to him like he's giving him a tutorial.

So I gotta figure out how the Doctor, Lucas, and some other folks turn a sweet little bean into the Knack we all know and love. And how Knack and the Doctor etc, do the same with Lucas.

Lucas is so silly!

I know you saw the one about the first night, Bestie [D;? but I'm not sure how to explain it concisely here. A lot of these I feel would be best shown in a comic series.

There is very much a theme of reciprocation in my story. That might be the wrong word. I'm thinking of familial affection. Lucas just doesn't get enough, and so, doing unto others as he would want to be treated, offers attention to Knack. What to list as examples... Reading him stories, nuzzling, very simple dancing. Probably more but I am my brain is made of Swiss cheese.

I did mention Knack being a sleepy baby on here at first, but I don't think I mentioned that Lucas worries if he's dying or something. It's like if you brought home a baby creature, but had no idea what it eats or needs to live, and then it acts groggier and less responsive, and can barely hold its head up... The Doctor kind of scoffs and says it's highly unlikely (not in a mean way), possibly thinking of Knack more like a device. But even if the Doctor is confident, Lucas isn't convinced. And Baby Knack doesn't know how to ask for what he needs, so he kind of furrows his brow and squints and makes little grumbling noises and like. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's like he kneads invisible dough or something? And he frequently glances up at Lucas or the Doctor.

Lucas tries really hard to not-cry and seem reasonable, but he can't help reaching out to pet the little guy's head. The creature responds very favorably, still sleepy. Leading Lucas to bring him into a hug, possibly picking him up. The creature is soothed by this, and after wrapping his arms around Lucas, he promptly falls asleep. Or something idk. Everything is a work in progress.

Knack occupies a weird role at first, and even later on occasion: something sort of like a pet, but not quite. Lucas is primarily the one who initiates the interactions like that, but sometimes the Doctor does as well. Knack himself does not understand until later.

I know it's silly to have Lucas pet him. He's basically a rock, even if he reminds me of a teddy bear sometimes. But look at that face! Lucas can feel warm and fuzzy just knowing that his little puzzle buddy likes him.

I also have Lucas very interested in Knack as a person, like how he's feeling and what he thinks. I think it would be funny if he gets good at reading Knack's body language, but not so good at interpreting his words sometimes. I'm kind of throwing out that scene in 2 where Knack gives Lucas an odd look for presuming what he's thinking and framing it as a 'talk'; if Lucas paid any attention to Knack, he would have done something like that a long time ago. And so I have him *do*: Early on, Lucas talks to the Doctor for Knack, like an untrained interpreter. And sometimes even airs his own grievances as if Knack is 'saying' so.

I mean, I *guess* I could have Lucas be oblivious to Knack's emotional situation unless it suits him, but then like. I dunno. That doesn't fit the little guy I made up so far. What feels more like Lucas?

Lucas sometimes imitates Knack's mannerisms and vice versa. Also expect recycled dialogue. I think Lucas vicariously experiences some adventure through Knack.

I still think Lucas gets swole by playing with Knack all the time.

Later, Knack and Lucas switch big-brother-little-brother roles based on the scene.

(I got this screenie from MoeePlays. The rest of the unwatermarked ones are from FullPlaythroughs.)

You may also see Knack playing the big-brother role while being Little Knack, if I can communicate that well enough. I think it's interesting. And the reverse.

Dad compared the way I describe Knack to Lennie Smalls in "Of Mice and Men", and suggested Lucas could be made somewhat like George. I must say, I hadn't read that story before then. So that was a wild ride! Now George, he's kind of prickly, which Lucas seems to be in the second game, but I'm a little hesitant. Dad also mentioned something about George's dream, and maybe Lucas could have something like that. I think I know what he means, and it's probably a reason I feel stuck in the 'ending' I had written; the dream feels impossible.

Jumping around again; if you were to talk to Lucas about Knack, and Knack was nowhere to be seen, Lucas would probably think of him as Little Knack. I looked too far into Lucas calling Knack "little buddy" at the start, and couldn't remember if Lucas called him something different later. I also interpreted this to mean Knack often hangs out with Lucas as Little Knack, which is supported by a brief shot or two in 1, and the title screen of 2.

Lucas considers Knack to be his achievement on some level. In fact, I consider this to be what he was alluding to in the museum in 2; that "without me, the Doctor would never have known-" how to bring Knack to life. I can imagine a young Lucas, when people are told that the Doctor had solved the puzzle and created Knack, saying quietly or thinking to himself, "*I* made this."

He goes back on that idea later. For Reasons. I might change that also, though. Then again, if I change the story every time I get caught and scraped up in a prickly patch, I wouldn't have much of a story anymore. I wouldn't necessarily say Lucas is naive. He's pretty smart and can sometimes pick up on things, but he can be willfully ignorant. If that doesn't make sense out of context, don't worry.

Changing the subject, Lucas kick-starts Knack's mischievous streak. He kind of teases him? Best example is the GIF I wanted to make but turned into a slideshow. In the garden, Lucas growls in jest at a Little Baby Knack, who reacts ferociously and growls back with rough red lettering, lifting his paws a bit and shifting his weight from foot to foot. Lucas laughs, delighted, and Baby Knack's expression shifts a little into amusement, before the GIF loops and they return to growling.

To clarify, Knack is playing, here. Although it does take him a few moments of fleeing and fawning to realize Oh, you're threatening me as a joke. Two can play at that game! Eventually, Lucas feels that Knack is acting too aggressive for his comfort, and, failing to notice that Knack is mirroring his own body language, worries he'll get a good punch to the gut. Or worse. He tries to de-escalate with the offer of a hug, which allows Baby Knack to play a mean prank.

And at one point I want Lucas to try smuggling Knack to school for the express purpose of scaring the crap out of Lucas's peers. For fun!

Another thing about how I wrote Lucas is that, when he is younger, at least, he isn't all that shy with Knack after like a day or so. I'm not sure how to say what I mean... It's like, Lucas has a tendency to get excited and touch, lightly pull, or grab Knack's arm(s), to get his attention, turn him around, or drag him somewhere. It's also a means of affection. He's gentle about it, but still. He isn't usually so grabby with other kids.

One of the things I considered playing with Knack is whether he might bite a family member when he is a 'baby'. But the more I think about it, the more the answer resounds no, he wouldn't. In one scene I wrote, Knack makes a non-lingual, idle threat (growling at him), but Lucas calls his bluff and takes something from him anyway. Lucas actually scoffs at him, incredulous.

Do not look to Lucas for guidance on how to treat children, animals, or operate heavy machinery.

Umm, what else. I bet Lucas would pass out if someone strokes his hair. First thing that comes to mind is Charlotte experimentally trying motherly things, feeling awkward about it and stopping. Lucas murmers something like, "You can keep going :)" Realizes what he just said, "I mean, if *you* want to," and scratches the back of his neck and looks away.

Along with a grappling hook (or maybe the Doctor gave him that), Ryder gives Lucas a butterfly knife for his twelfth birthday. This sounds very familiar to me, so either I thought about it before, it's practically canon, or someone else had mentioned it and I just can't remember. Or it could be a regular pocket knife.

At some point, to someone else, I have Doc describe Lucas as becoming more responsible since Knack came into his life. But of course, since the Doctor can never let Lucas have anything, he amends it with, "at times."

I also have this screenshot:

What was I going to put down for it...?

I remember seeing a review where someone mentioned this scene, gave an extremely reductive summary of it, and they thought "It plays out like a parody of kids movie/game “you-can-do-itism” but it’s not parodying anything in particular." I was rather miffed about that, to say the least; I thought this scene was a major characterization moment.

Lucas is curious/a scientist.

Knack puts so much faith in the Doctor that he limits himself. He also comes off like a major teacher's pet with his quoting ability.

The Doctor thinks himself so smart like he knows everything without testing it thoroughly. To the point where he has told Knack that he is incapable of something.

Lucas encourages Knack to try new things.

Not sure how to put this, but it comes up again in the Key Confrontation. Could be related to 4. Lucas is skeptical of the Doctor's authority and offers an opposing viewpoint. He prompts Knack to stop viewing the Doctor's words as gospel, at least temporarily. This is why I want Lucas and the Doctor to be/become foils in my story. Lucas sees himself in Knack.

Knack believes in the Doctor, sure. But he also trusts and believes in Lucas.

And one last thing, because I can't escape upsetting topics: there may be some parental favoritism going on between the Doctor and the boys. I loathe the idea, but it slots into my current framework with unfortunate agreement. I had a conversation with Dad about it, and he said, uhh trying to remember... it's a reasonable idea. He spoke of Lucas coming into his own and how it challenges the Doctor's ego, meanwhile Knack does whatever the Doctor says without question.

I don't think Lucas would resent or blame the Doctor's Greatest Creation, but it would impact his self-esteem. I don't know what that looks like yet.

Umm, I hope this was worth the wait; I had a lot of fun! I want to add more but I'm kind of scatter-brained. Also this is 4.6k words apparently.

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sugaroto · 11 months ago

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This stupid fucking university 😭

We were supposed to start on the 19th so like we would have been closed for a week so I didn't thought it was worth it to pay 200-300€ to go home for a week but now we're opening in the 23rd and I'm literally crying cause I'm all alone here and I could have left on the fucking 7th if I knew and stay home for like 3 whole weeks

But NO they have to let us know on the very last minute

I could take the next flight but at this point it won't make much difference

AND THE PROBLEM IS

My childhood friend wants to visit me on the 23rd and stay for like 4 days or something so I'm kinda expecting her

And the second problem is that me and my best friends arranged to go visit my friend who is studying on one of the islands and- wait let me draw it

Do you see my problem

I didn't want to go home for a week and pay 200€ cause we were planning to go to Friend on the begging of March (we were supposed to go sooner but shit happened) and like we'll stay for a little, like 4 days or something and it's a huge trip for me (so maybe we'll stay more idk)

And like there's no point to go home now come back on the 23rd so childhood friend visits leave on the 1st and come back 4 days later

And actually I would need to leave on the 29th cause it's a big trip for me and I'm meeting my other best friend on the middle to go together

Like I could leave

And not come back

Tell my childhood friend not to visit me now

Go home

And then take the ship and go to friend whenever and our other friend comes alone when she's ready

And then we could leave together

But the university fucking confuses me

There's no schedule or anything

And there's a flight tomorrow

But im not fucking ready

I dont know how to buy flights

And I would probably also need to get flights from different islands and

I'm already very much confused I don't even know what I'm saying

Ps: I didn't include bus prices on my drawing

Also another thing I need to arrange when I'm leaving

The airport of this town flies like twice a week (inconvenient)

The big airport I've used so far is 3~ hours away I need to take the bus go to that different city (2hours) and then take another bus or a taxi and go to the airport (40 minutes) (9.90€ the 2hours bus drive/ 37€ taxi)

But like to visit my friend on the island I would take a 9hours drive bus for 25€ meet my friend at her city and leave together

Also double those prices cause I'll need them to return too

#sugar uni life

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nardonotes · 2 months ago

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28 oct '24

8:25pm

i was so grumpy when i woke up today cause my sister barged into my room and started looking for my camera cause she's going to amsterdam with her bf for a week and wanted to borrow my camcorder (╥﹏╥) i want to go too... they're also going with her bf's sister and her husband and child lol but their plans are soooo fun !! i wish i had the damn money!!!!! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ i hate it here..

i had chicken rice with some salad,, it was soooo fucking good... OH ! and i watched this gl korean animated movie called 'The Summer' ,, tragic wlw story (as usual) i didn't even mean to watch another sad thing last night but it was in my list,, i guess most of my lists are sad though cause i love a good tragic ass story -.-" i love a good drama/coming of age/tragic ass/sad ass/slow ass/boring ass movie!!! idgaf!!!!! it is comforting as shit!!!!!! (∩˃o˂∩)

anyways,, i'm going to look for another movie to watch tonight- tomorrow im going to do some chores and actually get out of the house tmr ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ then on WEDNESDAY,, i plan to actually do some college work fr fr this time... like FR FR....... or not who knows it's my fucking life!!

oh and last night i was on facetime with my bestianas for till 6-7am!! i think we're going to facetime again tonight while changing our phone layouts :33 im only going to change mine A LITTLE bit... not so much.....

after i ate chicken rice today- i got sushi from the local grocery store LOL it was good as fuck.. gonna get it again tomorrow idgaf... and then i went to hang out with my sister and her friend with the baby and it was so funny cause that baby actually knows how to say a lot of words now!! he's so fucking cute man... he said my name today and he kept calling me bold ... made me laugh so bad ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) i love that kid fr..... i was teasing him and trolling tf out of him (literally bullying a baby) and i held him up and he was like struggling and said "HALP ME" IT WAS SO FUNNYKLSJDG,,S;D AND HE SAID FUCK TODAY cause ever since he was born we've been saying "say fuck!" to him and now he's actually saying it... oh we're bad influence. but he doesn't know the meaning so it don't matter! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

when i got home i took a shower and now im in bed all comfy and smell good and fresh and sexy and handsome and peace is portected as fuck and fuck bitches and imma focus on myself (unless a fine ahh lady come into my life im sorry peace,, im weak to a pretty face) oopsies... ( ≖‿ ≖ )

123 ive s5 ep 1 came out today !! apparently there's no subs yet soo i'll wait!! im not in a rush but i am really happy that it's back. i need them so keep me going for the rest of the year... ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀)....

i'll watch some futurama now,, then play apex,,, maybe eat some chicken rice,,,, and then watch my stupid lil movie (probably one in the vault) and then uh.... yeah. stay up until the next day cause i need to fix my sleep type shit? xDD

goodnight chicas!!! <33

song of the day: Honestly by RIIZE ᯓ★ (RIIZE IS 7!!!!)

#nardo24 #nardo oct '24

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the-firebird69 · 2 years ago

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We'll start doing some serious work there are things happening here first off they are still milling around him saying things and they say they can't help it and sometimes they can it's going that way we are experiencing a lot of change here in Charlotte county. There are new rules and regulations but really they are moving on things that they said they were going to

-the sheriff's office is diminishing the one that's in Charlotte county proper to in Port Charlotte it went from 400 which has been for quite a while down to about 200 yesterday this morning they dropped another 100 out and that's a lot last night there was a lot of fighting love arrest and they just couldn't take it anymore and the 100 that are in there are holding them out and it's going to be a fight and a war between them

-punta Gorda police dropped another five and they had dropped five out and that was recent that was only 4 days ago and was so much infighting than another five got dropped and it's not very good. Now there's only 10 morlock left and they're actually here the Max and others and in the Charlotte county sheriff's office there's only a hundred of the molar and they have a plan to put a huge facility right there around it and fly it in it's going to start pretty soon.

-and there's also a number of Charlotte county higher up workers it does include a variety of top-level jobs but mostly we're talking about lower level top level jobs and there were 3,400 last week and they dropped another 200 today down to 3200 and there's a lot of noises from it and anger and hatred and it's not going well for a lot of people because of that and it's mean really

-government workers at 7% last week right now they are at 5% and they are going to drop tonight literally they are planning to attack from behind and they're planning to have an assault from outside

-private workers for 75% and then they'll see 25% remained and as of this morning only about 18% remain it's dropping pretty rapidly.

-FBI NSA CIA DEA and other agencies were cut in half yesterday and today from the numbers that were stated as goals yesterday and they are holding it

-Florida law enforcement was down to 5,000 yesterday and they're almost at 2500 today and it's going faster not slower and easier now it is and we know why this evacuation on yet no rain so we were astounded but we know why they're using the Northern pass and because the gulf is getting closed off with the shield. You're working hard on these agencies in Florida that are fake because of this event that is happening shortly. Tonight there's huge vessels and there's nothing enough to cause a problem not a free sound just going to get cold. The civil servants group is down to about 10,000 and they're shooting for a $5, 000 at the end of the night and that's pretty small and hospitals they're at each and every one of them it started out about 600 each hospital now they're down to about 300 and they're shooting for a 200 later on and by the end of the night and that's a lot but they're going to need it I think tomorrow night yeah correct.

I'm going to publish because this is huge

Olympus

I narrated most of the latter half of it

Freya

I narrated the middle half

Hera

And I narrated the top part

Approximately midnight

0 notes

itsdelicate · 2 years ago

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aw thats so cute omg and a vv good cause <3

noo i loved music i just never knew what artist to start w lol and there never seemed to be enough time. why thank you for that honour i do really love fearless ajshjbd. omg really? yk what that is so valid. its not my fav but i really love the ironic satire of it all njcvnjf. cardigan is my fav mv!! its so prettyyy and the colours are just so ahhh. willow is a close second. what ab u? YES YES EXACTLY OMG im so desperate for at least a cruel summer mv i dont think there is a single thing bad ab that song. it is SO GOOD!!!! ikr like he was def a catalyst to my swiftie era and i love him for that <3 lmao yea its perfection and i def would not mind 5 more mins of it jndkm.

AWW and LMAOFJEWIF it is so valid to be singing mamma mia all day its so good like the second i hear those opening piano notes i will scream. OMG that is so very iconic tho i love that!!! teachers shouldve been proud u had such good taste so young <3 omg yes do it cause i think the radio overplaying me! made me unable to really appreciate it. like the second ur a bit eh w it, change it to smth elsee

yea it doesss!! oh thats fair but i really could not live without them lol. bUT i do love happy songs too

omg i have not watched most of the mcu movies just like some of the latest ones and i honestly am not into them really. and we're actually gonna watch the avatar movie!! i havent even watched the first one lol. there IS a lot and i dont have the patience or the interest to actually watch ALL of them lmaoo. okay cool cause i really do talk a lot adjomfm

when's ur weekend trip? if its this weekend, have fun!!

xxx ur secret santa

yee i love him so much <3

ahdjf i get that i find it hard to get into new artists cause there’s so much!! and idk how to start!! ahdjfj i think it was her whole look in the mv 🫣 same omg willow is my fav followed by cardigan! i love how they’re connected <3 she literally put drugs in cruel summer istg the first time i heard he looks up grinning like a devil changed me 😮‍💨 do you still go to lessons with him? no you’re so right @/taylor make all ur songs 10 mins long challenge xx

exactly!! i really want to take my mum to see abba voyage next year she loves their songs so valid 😌 ahdjf tbh it took me years till i got a bit older to realise why they were laughing i thought they were laughing at me cause i was bad at singing or something and i was so self conscious about it for years later until it clicked 💀 yeah omg the moment it gets to that point where it’s like “hm not this again” i Have switch it or i’ll never be able to listen to that song ever again lmao

okay tbf i think it depends on the music for me cause if it’s a sad song but still a bop i love it but if it’s sad and slow i’m 🥲

shdjf i don’t think i’m ever going to watch any of them honestly 😭 oooh did you like avatar? i never saw the first one either LOL

oh it was last weekend when i got the tat!! but it was lovely thank you 🥰 any weekend plans for you? it’s the 25th tomorrow god december’s flown by!

#ask #anonymous #santaswiftie

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years ago

Text

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging nor trying to romanticize yandere behavior. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of bullying, toxic relationship, violent behavior, murder, sexual scenes, paranoia leading to mental blackouts, miscarriage, suicide attempt, mental disorders and death are contained within this post. Read at your own discretion.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:

𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

𝙳.𝙾.𝙱: 𝙰𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝟿𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟿𝟿𝟿

𝙷𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝟷𝟾𝟻 𝙲𝙼/ 𝟼'𝟶 𝙵𝚃.

𝙰𝚐𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■□90%

𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■■100%

𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: ■■■■□90%

𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎

𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜:

•𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚏𝚒𝚡𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

•𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

•𝚃𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗

•𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛

•𝙴𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Mingi was someone who always kept to himself, never wanting to draw any kind of attention.

Unfortunately for him, he got a lot of attention while he was studying in university, and not the good kind.

He accidentally bumped into one of the jocks at school, and from that moment on, his life was hell.

He was constantly belittled, shoved to the floor, his locker filled with vicious and cruel messages ranging from "freak" to "kill yourself."

Mingi often just sighed and continued his day, as if this was totally normal.

It's not that he didn't understand what was going on or didn't care.

He was just too awkward and scared to stand up to himself.

So he often just came home, feeling hopeless and in despair.

Many times he hardly ate and would end up crawling inside his blankets and cry himself to sleep.

Even the few people he talked to stopped associating themselves with him out of fear of becoming the bullies' next target.

So Mingi resigned himself to being alone and to think no one would ever care about him....

Until you came along.

You had recently transferred to his school and one of the first things you saw was the poor sandy hair colored giant get punched in the stomach by his locker.

You were so disgusted and sickened by their behavior that you did not hesitate to go over and make sure he was all right.

"Hey, do you need help?" You asked as you helped him get up.

"I I'm fine...t-thanks.." Without another word, he left you standing there, running off to his next class.

He thought that'd be the last time he saw you but during lunch break, you made it a point to look for him and talk to him.

"Are you feeling better?"

Mingi looked up at you with wide eyes, wondering if it really was him you were talking to.

"Y-yeah...I'm fine. T-thanks"

Smiling at him, you sat next to him, taking out your lunch while trying to make conversation with him.

All throughout it, Mingi seemed agitated, scared almost.

You felt really bad and asked him if something was bothering him.

Sighing he told you:

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I think it's best if you stay away from me.... I don't want them to hurt you because of me..."

You saw the sadness in his eyes, the loneliness behind them and that made you want to stay with him even more.

"What's your name?" You asked what you had really wanted to know since the beginning.

"Song Mingi." He answered you.

Grinning at him, you held out your hand.

"Well Song Mingi, I'm L/N Y/N. Your soon to be new best friend."

Mingi's mouth dropped at your words, he couldn't possibly believe you were serious.

But you were and not only did you become his closest friend, you also became his protector.

Unlike him, you were fearless, vivacious, outgoing and spontaneous.

And Mingi began to admire you a lot for it....

More than admired, he began to worship you, falling deeply in love with you.

For once in his life, he was happy, truly happy and filled with joy.

Instead of crying himself to sleep, he went to bed all excited to spend the next day with you.

And of course you two spent a lot of time together, since he became your math tutor cause you were the absolute worst with numbers.

You were thankful that Mingi was so patient and caring towards you.

He never showed any signs of frustration or annoyance even after explaining the equation to you about 20 times.

"Y/N. Pay attention or you won't ace the test." He often told you, adding a little pinch to your nose or cheek to get you to focus.

He also loved just talking to you during these sessions.

Obviously being your best friend, he also ended up picking up on what sort of things you liked in a guy.

He would often observe you at school or while you two were out.

One time he even read through a few of your messages with one of your other friends from your old school.

It was exactly what Mingi needed to know, he now had a glimpse of the type of boyfriend you wanted.

And for you.....he'd end up becoming that boyfriend.

So while you were in spring break, he prepared everything.

He got rid of his cardigans and vests, trading them for leather and jean jackets.

He ended up cutting his hair differently and started wearing tighter fitting pants that accentuated his thick thighs.

So when you saw him again, it was a complete 180° from the shy, nerdy boy you knew.

"Whoah! Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

You weren't going to lie, Mingi did look very attractive.

You were glad though that he was still the cute, adorable and somewhat clumsy boy he was when you first met him.

Because that's the Mingi you knew and loved.

And you wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.

It was after finals that Mingi decided to ask you out.

You were both out celebrating the fact you both passed when he popped the question:

"Y/N will you go out with me?" He suddenly blurted out.

You were taken aback, but said yes nonetheless.

Mingi was so happy.

He was extremely devoted to you as a boyfriend, always saying yes to you and going along with whatever it was you wanted.

Anything you said, he would do it.

"Anywhere you want to go is fine with me."

"Anything you want is fine with me."

You thought it was really sweet at first, he really wanted to make you happy.

But after almost a year of dating, it kinda started to get annoying.

It bothered you that he never seemed to have an opinion of his own.

You actually snapped at him one day while planning a date out.

"Can't you freaking decide for yourself once?"

Mingi just whipped his head at you, unable to comprehend why you were yelling at him.

"Do you not even care about me or this relationship? Cause honestly it seems like you're not actually putting effort into it and if it's like that, why am I even wasting my time on you?"

Mingi got really scared when you began walking out the door, he pleaded with you to stay, to talk through it.

"I'll do anything! Y/N please just don't leave me! What do you want me to do?!" He begged as he got on his knees.

"I want you to leave me alone!"

Alone......that word struck a chord in Mingi's head.....alone.

No....he couldn't go back to being alone...go back to the cold world that he was used to.

He began hyperventilating, his head was spinning and it was pounding like there was no tomorrow.

He doesn't remember much after that. All he remembers was the annoying knocking at the door.

He remembers opening it and seeing a random salesperson there....

But after that, it's all a big black faze, and when he finally came to his senses....

He was covered in blood, and a bludgeoned corpse was sprawled across the kitchen floor.

Although he was panicking, Mingi knew that you could not find out about this.

So he quickly got to work and cleaned up all traces of blood and managed to get rid of the body with no one seeing him.

He was so confused about what happened and panicking about if you found out, that he didn't hear you come in the house until you literally stood in front of him.

He instantly got on his knees and hugged your waist.

"Baby I was so scared that you left me forever! Please I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't care about you, I do! I fucking love you so much, and I promise I'll try harder....

Just for you..."

You felt so bad seeing him, and truly you loved him and felt like it was a petty thing to get mad about.

You pulled him up and reassured him that you weren't mad anymore and that you were too much in love with him to leave.

Mingi felt so relieved. He couldn't even begin to fathom what would happen if he did lose you.

He'd probably go insane.

True to his word, Mingi did try harder to get rid of that habit of just following what you said like a little puppy, and would now start expressing himself more.

Now the problem was he went the complete opposite direction: now he seemed to question your every decision and it would lead to small tiny banters between you two.

One time you got tired of him making a fuss over the fact you were spending so much time with a classmate that it turned really ugly.

"We're working on a project Mingi! Nothing else!" You shouted at him.

"What do you need to be going to his house though and staying til late hours of the night? Why can't you two do it here?!"

"Because you end up distracting us both and throwing passive aggressive words to him." You were exhausted from all the screaming by now you were losing your patience.

"Are you sure it's not because you're just whoring yourself out with them?" He didn't mean for those words to come out...but they did.

And you didn't mean to get so angry to the point of slapping him, but you did and that's when it hit you that you went too far.

You both stood there stunned at what happened, Mingi more hurt than anything by your actions, while you felt ashamed of yourself.

You lifted your hand against the very person you were protecting at first.....and now you hated yourself for hurting him like his past bullies.

Ashamed and full of guilt, you turned away and began walking out.

"Wait no! Y/N please! It's ok! It was my fault! I shouldn't have said that! Please let's just work it out!"

"No Mingi! I can't! I..... I need a break."

Mingi's world came crumbling down when you said that. He went into a slight catatonic state as he watched you walk away.

Once he regained his senses, he ran after you, desperate to bring you back, running around aimlessly through the dark streets and alleys, calling out for you but you were nowhere to be seen.

"Get lost you dirty bastard." A passerby rudely shoved him out of the way.

In a matter of seconds, Mingi's eyes darkened, his fist clenched at his side as rage now coursed through his body.

He turned his head to look back at the stranger who was now walking away.

Smirking, Mingi pulled out the switchblade he was carrying in his pocket before creeping quietly to the man.

Someone had to pay the price and feel the wrath and despair he felt at losing his goddess......and he found them.

It had been roughly a month since you last saw Mingi and although you hated to admit it, you missed him. But you knew you had to stay away for his sake.

But things don't go as planned and you soon found out you were going to have to see him sooner than you thought...

Because you were now pregnant with his child and you had to let him know.

You were so nervous about telling him, your hand trembled as you opened the door to the apartment you used to share with Mingi.

You quietly stepped inside, too afraid to call out for him just yet.

But then you heard some weird noises coming from the bedroom, your heart somewhat dropping when you distinguished what sounded like moans and panting.

You could also make out Mingi's deep voice calling out your name.

Opening the door open, your hand flew to your mouth, semi-muffling your sharp gasp as you took in the scene of Mingi fucking some random girl with her face covered on the bed you two shared not too long ago.

"What the fuck Mingi?!" You exclaimed in utter disgust and betrayal.

"Y/N! I can explain!" All color drained from Mingi's face as he pulled himself out of the girl and quickly dressed himself.

You couldn't bear to stay there another moment, you just ran out of there once again.

But you didn't get far because Mingi swiftly caught up to you and enraptured you in his arms.

"Don't touch me! You're disgusting! You liar! You cheater!" You tossed and writhed around as you tried to escape his grasp, while Mingi tried to hold you still and trying to talk to you.

You felt an immense pain run through your stomach at that moment, your body becoming paralyzed as some weird and excruciating torment bursted in you.

Mingi noticed as well how you clutched your stomach and had difficulty breathing so he wasted no time in taking you to the hospital.

You woke up hours later, late at night, a nurse by your side and Mingi on the other, his hand holding onto yours as tears poured from his eyes.

"What happened?" You immediately asked, your hand instinctively going to your belly.

The nurse explained with sorrow how you had lost the baby, apologizing profusely to you, knowing you were probably in pain.

You went berserk when she told you that, first you denied it, then you began screaming while trying to pull off the IVs attached to you.

Mingi tried to calm you down, but instead he made things worse with his presence.

"This is all your fault! If it wasn't because of you, my baby would be alive!"

Those words cut Mingi deep inside, you killed him immediately with them.

Other nurses rushed in to calm you down as one of them pulled Mingi away for his protection and for yours.

You were numb for the next few days, refusing to see anyone and especially not Mingi, you gave strict orders not to let him in.

You were planning on never seeing him again.

The very day you were released from the hospital though, he was the first person you encountered while you were on your way home.

"Y/N?" He asked, startling you when he came out from the corner.

Your feet shifted slowly, almost losing balance on the small step on your front door.

"What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear I never wanted to see you." Not wanting to waste another minute, you quickly punched in your passcode.

"Y/N baby you don't mean that! I love you! And you love me!"

You let out a dry and haughty laugh at that.

"You? Love me? Is that why you were fucking some whore behind my back?"

"I swear she didn't mean anything! And I made her cover her face because I was thinking of you the entire time..."

You rolled your eyes at that, feeling absolutely disgusted.

"But then I realized she was to blame for everything and so I got rid of her so I can make you happy, forgive me and we could start again."

You halted your actions when he said that.

"Mingi...what do you mean you got rid of her?"

If his last words disturbed you, now you were absolutely horrified as he calmly told you how he mutilated her body and discarded her remains in a lake outside of the city.

You actually felt sick and nearly threw up right then and there.

"Mingi.....what..... you're insane! How could you-?"

Mingi couldn't understand why you were upset.

"Don't you see? I did it for you Y/N. Everything I've ever done is for you."

Now it dawned on you, the person you've ever loved was sick, extremely sick and needed help.

"Mingi.....don't come near me again....stay away....seriously..."

And once again another struggle between you two ensued, you wanting to run away while he held onto you for dear life.

"Stop Mingi! Let me go! I don't love you anymore!"

The spinning in his head started once again, his vision becoming hazy, he could hear his own heartbeat resonating in his ears, his hand shook violently as it reached for an all too familiar object he kept hidden in his pocket....

Everything turned dark and blinding....

But when he came back, there he was, staring in shock at your lifeless body, a fresh, clean cut running all across your neck, blood still spurting out and staining his hands.

"Oh my God! What have I done?!" Mingi cried out, wailing and screaming erratically at the thought that he had just murdered his soulmate with his own hands.

He couldn't bear the thought of living without you, he just couldn't....

And so he picked up the very tool he used to kill you and held up to his own neck....

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

346 notes · View notes

bbarican · 3 years ago

Text

life updates: november 09, 2021

work:

my seniors recently complimented me again saying na im a really efficient junior designer and that my main senior is so lucky to have me work with her in all of her projects

yung makati project namin nakakatawa nalang kasi ang daming extra na gustong pagawa nung client namin so syempre madedelay yung turnover pero sila din tong atat mag move it; pls make it make sense po

yung alabang project naman namin, hindi mafinalize ng boss namin yung mga details kasi magboboracay daw muna siya; basta ako ill finalize everything on my end para wala siyang masabi

also! im super duper excited for this one: my ninang asked for my help in designing her condo unit so thats basically going to be my first ever freelance project! wish me luck! im about to prep for our meeting tomorrow too before i go to bed

praying to god na wala kaming ganap masyado sa work para keri kong pumunta ng ust after lunch

last for work: i have officially decided to take the board exam next year meaning i have to email my bosses already regarding my plans on filing for leave from march to july; fingers crossed they allow it!

family:

im so glad my dad is feeling much better; yes, i always am annoyed at him but i really do love him and care about him so much

i am: confused cause my younger brother didnt enjoy bungalow's homer donut as much as i did; IT WAS THE BEST DONUT EVER

my lola is staying over for the night and having her here at home always makes me feel safer than usual

i miss my mom and brother; i cant wait for my mom to come home

syempre di na ko magkukunwari, excited na din ako sa mga pasalubong ng nanay ko yahu

friends:

im so fucking excited to see my bestfriends; we're going back to the beach for tiger's birthday and im just so excited to spend a weekend with them especially since its been so long since we all last hung out

i miss my tumblr bestfriends a lot; sometimes i wish it was 2020 again when all we were doing was staying up late on zoom and literally just playing games and watching movies and talking about everything under the sun and planning random meet ups and actually ending up meeting up with almost everybody

im really excited to review with my bestfriends too and go cafe hopping once review season starts! also syempre matik na din yan, lagi sila matutulog dito sa bahay

personal life:

my puson is hurting a bit and im kind of getting worried na its either 1.) pcos related since i do have pcos or 2.) its something to do with the fact na ang lakas ko nanaman sa juice, soda, and coffee

i have to drink water ONLY i swear to god i do not want to get sick at all, especially in this pandemic

got my first ever 13th month pay today! i really really really need to save kasi i dont want to go into review season with an empty bank account

which means, no coffee or pastry runs whenever im out of the house; i seriously need to discipline myself para din i dont keep gaining more and more weight

i am itching to fix and reorganize and clean my room; cannot wait for the weekend kasi ito talaga gagawin ko

eamon and bec, you have stolen my heart; plus your accents are the cutest thing ever

watching their videos just made me really really want to visit morocco soon cause ive been wanting to go their for so long already

love:

syempre wala

if youve made it this far into my post, thank you so much. i just felt extra chatty this evening and i feel like i had to type everything down cause if i dont, i wont remember them with how busy i am. i hope you guys are doing okay and please know that if you ever feel like just typing everything as well, go for it. just go for it! who cares what other people say? either way, again, i hope you guys have a really lovely tuesday evening and i hope the rest of the week treats us well!

#bbarican #prsnl #thoughts #writings #life #love #work #family #updates #recently

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kyber-crystal · 4 years ago

Text

department of matchmaking || s.r

summary: in which you’re asked by aunt may to babysit peter while she’s away at a business conference & steve tags along. peter, being the innocent smol bean he is, tries to get you and the Captain together.

words: ~3.1k

warnings: none, just fluff & a little matchmaking spider-man :) and OH steve’s blue jacket heheh. tony’s your dad in this oop cant resist a stark child. shhh CW never happened bc i’m still in denial

Peter: Aunt May says she has a couple errands to run so she won't be back until later this afternoon. Can you pick me up? School just ended.

You: Of course!

Peter: Ned and I are planning on building the Lego Death Star tonight. I know you're a sucker for building stuff :)

You: You know me so well, kiddo. I'm definitely in. How could I miss out on our weekly date nights?

Peter: You're the best! See you soon

You: See you!

"Where are you going?"

"May's busy, so I gotta go pick Peter up from school," you explained to Steve as you slung your purse over your shoulder and grabbed the keys to your (Tony's) Audi, sliding your sunglasses on. "We're having one of our weekly Friday movie nights, and he and Ned just got a new Lego set that they want me to help construct. You wanna come along?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

You headed outside to the car together, sticking the keys into the ignition as Steve slid in next to you in the passenger's seat. "I hope you don't have anything else planned for the rest of tonight. We might be there for a while...I know we were gonna see that new action movie in theaters tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"Nope, no plans," he smiled, "I'm free for the rest of this weekend. As long as I get to spend time with you, it's okay."

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter a bit at his words.

But you quickly brushed the thought off, knowing the last thing you were supposed to do was fall for someone after you'd just gotten over a nasty breakup.

Soon enough, you pulled up in front of Midtown High School and saw Peter standing with Ned by the curb. You rolled the window down and called out to them. "Hey, boys. Need a ride?"

"My favorite Avenger! Hi!" Ned greeted as he and Peter got into the backseat, strapping their seatbelts on.

"Ouch, I'm offended," Steve placed a hand over his chest and pretended to look hurt. "I thought I was your favorite?"

"Captain America! It's an honor!" he exclaimed. "I've heard so much about you from Peter!"

"Oh, really? I hope he only told you good things?" the super-soldier chuckled.

"Yup!"

"So, how was school?" you glanced back at the two teenagers from the rearview mirror. "Anything interesting happen?"

"No, except they actually served something edible in the cafeteria for lunch today," Peter rolled his eyes. "Which is a first."

You sighed, placing your hand back on the wheel, "School food isn't the best thing ever."

"So uh, I have a question," Ned spoke up as you headed down the street, "are you and Y/N a...thing? ‘Cause I hear a lot of fans are speculating that the kickass agent and America’s golden boy are dating."

"What? No," you and Steve replied in unison, exchanging a knowing look before bursting into laughter. "No."

"Okay..."

It was mostly quiet for the rest of the car ride back to the apartment. Peter pulled out the keys from his jacket pocket and slid it in the lock, pushing the door open and gesturing for the rest of you to come inside.

"So," he breathed out, setting his backpack down by the front door and dusting his hands off. You sat around the sofa together, glancing at the massive Lego set on the coffee table. "Here it is, in all its glory."

"How many pieces is this?" Steve questioned, looking at it in shock.

"Almost 4000."

A buzzing sound from his phone made Peter look down, swiping a few times before unlocking it and scanning over the new notification.

"May has an overnight business conference and she won't be back until tomorrow evening. She wants you to babysit," he explained as he looked up at you.

"Fine by me," you shrugged. "Cap?"

"Sure, why not."

"But I'm 15 and 8 months! I'm not a baby."

"Well, kiddo, I'm 28 and Tony treats me like a baby even though I’m not a baby anymore. Steve's going on 32, and acts like he's 12."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"Arguing like a married couple," Peter coughed, and Ned wiggled his eyebrows up and down. "Cute."

"For the last time, we're not a thing," you let out an exasperated sigh, but felt a blush creep up your cheeks as you spoke.

Two hours later you were a little over halfway done with building the Death Star, and fatigue was beginning to catch up with you after you neglected your sleep schedule and pulled three all-nighters in a row bingeing Netflix with Sam.

You let out a yawn as you flipped through the instructions pamphlet, stretching your arms up in the air.

"You tired?" Steve asked. You were too tired to respond, simply leaning into him and closing your eyes.

"You can take her to the guest room. Straight down the hall, then turn right," Peter said as he noticed you'd now fallen asleep on him. "We can continue this after dinner."

Steve scooped you up into his strong arms and carried you down the hall, pushing the door to the guest room open with one hand before carefully setting you down on the bed, tucking you in.

"Sleep tight," he whispered, a ghost of a smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss your forehead and left.

"Ahem. Now that she's gone," Ned cleared his throat, "time to plan on how we're supposed to get our OTP together!"

"Ned, really-"

"You should ask her out, Cap. I see the way you look at her," Peter raised an eyebrow at him, "I mean, it's clear to everyone how you feel about her, and the way she feels about you. Sam sees it, Mr. Stark sees it, heck, I think May has her suspicions as well because she wouldn't stop talking about how great of a couple you two would be over dinner last night-"

"Look, Peter, I don't think she's ready for a relationship."

"Why not?"

"She just broke up with her boyfriend two months ago. I doubt she'd be willing to date again."

"But you're her best friend! You're literally the perfect man for her!"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not taking advantage of someone when they're vulnerable. That isn't right."

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and kicking his feet up against the coffee table, tossing a spare Lego piece up and down in one hand. "Yeah, I totally believe the great Captain America isn't in love with the great Y/N."

"She's my friend. A teammate."

"Friends with benefits!" Ned chimed in. Steve made a face at this. "No, not like that. I mean that as in, you guys do all the things that regular couples do, except you're not officially a couple. And I think that's big enough of an indication that you should get together for real."

"I'm just waiting for the right time."

"AHA!" both boys shouted. "So you are in love with her!"

"Keep it down!" he scolded. "She's asleep!"

"You didn't deny it this time..."

"Fine, whatever. What do you guys want for dinner? I'll go pick it up."

"Pizza."

"If Y/N asks where I am, just tell her I went to go get the food."

"Okay."

As soon as the door shut behind Steve, Peter and Ned's heads immediately whipped over and they faced each other, exchanging evil grins.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Ned practically squealed.

"Yeah, I'm thinking what you're thinking!"

"Romantic dinner and movie night setup!" both boys whooped and hollered.

"I'll light the candles and get the napkins. May always keeps a stock of scented ones when Y/N comes over because she loves the smell of cherry blossoms."

"...I'll grab the rose petals and tablecloth."

"Rose petals?"

"Mind if I tear apart the flower on your desk?"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Also, the regular tall candles are in the cabinet below the sink in the bathroom."

"Yessir."

Twenty minutes later, Steve came back with the pizza in hand, setting the keys on the counter and closing the door, stopping dead in his tracks as he observed the scene before him.

"What is going on?"

"We set up a date night for you two because we know you've been working hard this past week and deserved to relax," Peter explained happily. "So, here you go!"

"Peter," Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I appreciate your effort, but Y/N isn't ready for a relationship and neither one of us has feelings for the other."

"But you guys deserve a break! After working nonstop you should at least rest or something."

"Alright, alright. I'll go get Y/N. You guys set the pizza on the plates for everyone, okay?"

"Got it."

You yawned and rubbed your eyes, then stretched your arms up into the air, skidding to a halt as you observed the sight before you.

“Wh...what’s going on?”

Peter and Ned grinned from where they sat on the couch, paper plates on their laps. “We thought you deserved a nice break, so we set up a little something for you guys!”

“A romantic dinner? Why...”

"It looks pretty and gives off a relaxing mood. Why else?” Peter laughed nervously. “Now eat!”

“Okay...” you started growing suspicious, but didn’t question it, “alright, then.”

You fell into an awkward silence after that, aside from the occasional sound of silverware clinking against plates and drink glasses being set back down on the table. The atmosphere felt heavier than before and you couldn’t help but wonder what it was.

“So, uh...how have you been holding up?” Steve asked you tentatively. He knew the topic of your ex-boyfriend was still that of a rather sensitive one - you’d come storming through the elevator doors and gulped down half a bottle of vodka (you never drank, so this had everyone genuinely worried), before heading upstairs and taking a forty-five minute shower, then afterwards, proceeded to lock yourself in your room for the rest of the afternoon.

When you wouldn’t come down for dinner, he had to carry up your food to you and when you refused to eat, he was the one to force-feed you. When you suddenly broke down sobbing when he asked you if you were alright, he was the one who held you in your arms. He was the one who got you out of bed to bring you downstairs for some fresh air and to interact with the others, and not once during the time he was having to take care of you for, did he question any of your behavior. You were hurting and that was all that mattered. If you were hurting, he was hurting, too.

“It’s been a rough eight weeks...” you sighed, rubbing your forehead with one hand as you took a sip of wine. “Could be better, but...I’m alright. I just wish I could’ve seen that coming from the moment I went on that blind date with him.”

“What do you mean?” Steve was confused - you’d never mentioned any details of your relationship, you were a very private person, for that matter. You rarely ever opened up to anyone. “I thought you were...”

“Happy? Hell no, I don’t even know why I stayed,” you scoffed as you took another swing of your drink. “It was so easy to fall into a routine. There was this gaping hole in my heart, and...I needed it to be filled somehow. Then Agent Williams comes along, a seemingly perfect new SHIELD recruit, almost everything a girl could possibly want in a man standing right in front of me...how could I not fall for his façade? I didn’t realize it was doomed from the start until about a week into the relationship...but I held my tongue. I knew if I dared to speak up against him, he’d somehow manage to use my words against me, twist everything I said into a whole new lie...he manipulated me, day after day...yet I still didn’t leave because I genuinely believed he’d change.

“But I was wrong. I was naïve, I stayed because I was so desperate to experience true happiness that I went as far as to stay with someone I knew would do a number on my mental health in the long run. I shouldn’t have been surprised when I walked into HQs one day to drop stuff of for Coulson, to see Williams on top of someone else...in the gym. In the gym...of all places. I only didn’t blast him because I didn’t want to destroy Fury’s property. So I slapped him and left. That’s it. This whole...fling, or whatever the hell you want to call this shitty relationship, lasted only twenty-six days before everything fell apart. God, I’m so stupid - I should’ve known. I was so stupid, I’m such a horrible person for doing what-”

Steve felt his blood boil with anger. Williams had cheated on you - that’s why you’d broken up. All this time he’d been thinking that you simply fell out of love, or maybe ended it on friendlier terms - when in fact, it was anything but.

Nobody deserved to be treated this way, especially you. I could treat you much better, he thought to himself.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said softly, reaching a hand up to wipe the stray tears that fell from your eyes. Instead of letting his hand fall back at his side right away, he let it linger there for a moment, gently stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. The feeling sent electricity up his fingers. “It’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person...he is.”

“Shit, I think our plan’s backfiring,” Peter hissed into Ned’s ear as they watched the scene unfold from the couch. “What the fuck, Ned!”

“Shh! Hold on, they’re having a really deep conversation. Let them be for a second.”

“I was stupid enough to stay, when he was giving off all the wrong signs...I should’ve listened to Tony and Nat. They knew. They knew from the moment we first got together, but I didn’t listen...”

“It’s okay. You didn’t know any better,” he reassured you, absentmindedly taking your hand in his and rubbing circles across your palm, “you just wanted to be happy. To experience that feeling that came along with being in a relationship. Frankly, I think I would’ve done the same thing.”

“And what makes me feel even worse,” your voice caught in your throat as you spoke, “...were my true intentions of staying. I wanted to be happy, I really did. But I realized I’d never achieve that with someone like him...in a way, I was using him too, I guess. Not for my personal gain or anything, not to boost my social status, like he did...he always made a point of walking around and declaring that he had an Avenger girlfriend. But...”

“But what?”

“I knew if I was in a relationship with someone, that’d prevent me from thinking about being with anyone else. Well...that plan failed...horribly.”

“...What are you saying?”

“Of course, I didn’t figure that out until not long ago...but yeah. The heart wants what it wants...and it didn’t want him.”

“Then who was it?”

Your gaze flickered down to your now-intertwined fingers. You hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “...I think you know who it is, Steve.”

“See!” Ned kicked Peter in the shin as he was in the middle of finishing off his second slice, and he winced. “It’s getting saucy!”

“Ow!”

“I think we both know,” Steve murmured.

You let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t know why I tried pursuing a relationship that wouldn’t fulfill me in the long run. I should’ve known it was you all along, huh? You know me like the back of your hand. For Odin’s sake, you remembered every detail of my SHIELD file, my favorite color, my exact birth date, everything there is to know about me. It’s always been you-”

“...It broke my heart to see you with someone who wasn’t me,” he said quietly.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want you to feel like I was meddling in your love life. I know you hate it when people do that.”

“Steve-”

“I knew you weren’t as happy as you let on. I shouldn’t have stayed silent...I should’ve at least said something. I was terrified to speak up, thinking that you wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings-”

“You...you what?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, “I’m in love with you.”

Peter let out a squeak. Ned chucked a pillow at him, a giddy look on his face.

“Good news,” you laughed, “because I’m in love with you too.”

“FINALLY!” Ned whooped, unable to contain his excitement for any longer. He and Peter exchanged a fist-bump. “FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY! I can’t believe our ship finally sailed! Though I gotta be honest, I had no idea pizza could bring out people’s true feelings like that.”

“We’re geniuses!” Peter squealed, pulling out his phone.. “Oh, wait until Mr. Stark hears about this!”

Your eyes widened in realization. “Peter, don’t you dare c-”

Too late. A buzzing sound came from your phone, alerting you of a new notification, and you unlocked it to see a text from your father.

Mr. Stank😡: Took you long enough, honey. I expect a grandchild soon.

Mr. Stank😡: But I’m gonna be honest, I wouldn’t want any other man for you than Capsicle himself.

You let out a loud groan, shoving your phone back into your purse. “Oh, come on.”

A buzzing sound came from Steve’s phone as well, and he took it out of his pocket to take a look.

Stark: You better not knock her up until after you get married and then leave. I learned that lesson too late. I’m being serious when I’m telling you to treat her right - she hasn’t been the same since her mother walked out all those years ago. You make her happy, though, so I won’t try to intervene.

Stark: But if you hurt her in any way, I’ll break your face. Capiche?

Steve: ...Capiche.

“Ooh! I just got a promotion for telling him about you guys!” Peter clasped his hands together. “I’m joining you on your next group mission!”

“That’s great, Peter!” you congratulated, “but...why would he give you a promotion for...this?”

“Because he’s been waiting for this to happen for the longest time! Oh and also, your food’s getting cold.”

“We could just reheat it. Or...if you guys are still hungry, do you want to go to Olive Garden?” Steve looked over at the two teenage boys.

“YES.”

“Y/N, what about you?”

“It’s a date,” you winked. You let out a small laugh upon seeing his cheeks flush red.

#avengers imagines #steve rogers x reader #avengers x reader #captain america imagine #captain america x reader #marvel fic #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #captain america one shot #steve rogers fanfiction #chris evans x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you

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royadventures · 3 years ago

Text

march 12th, 2022--11:05am

previous log

we're seeing astro tomorrow... how does any of this make any sense 😭

on march 9th, Dami, T and i planned to meet up with someone we met at a chicken restaurant. we went to have pho (which i couldnt eat, cause i was fasting T.T gosh, i miss out on a lot of good foods these days because of that but it's okay ♡) and then T had to leave us while we went to the han river and then hongdae. we didn't stay at the han river for long, but it was busy and pretty ! it was a holiday that day because of the election :]

in hongdae, we went to a twosome place for me to start eftar and so Dami and chicken boy could have some coffee. i had a royal milk tea smoothie and it was good! but again, a twosome place do be expensive 😭

we tried to go where Dami, T and i went last time in hongdae and had that great meal, but there was no room to sit, so chicken boy took us to a chicken place! i think the chicken there was honestly the best i've had so far--the skin was so perfectly crunchy!

we then went to an arcade where i was so tired out since Dami and chicken boy just didn't want to leave. after that, i mentally clocked out as we trailed home, only after chicken boy found another game to play in the street (balloon darts!) and won teddy bears for Dami and i. glad i have something to hug to sleep, but she do be very firm.

we went straight home and thank god for that--it was a tiring and draining day.

on march 10th, i had a chill day. my classes drained me and T had to meet her buddy in the evening, so i kept myself company by going to the convenience store for some ramen (i bought bibimyeon, which Meiqi, an artsci friend, recommended, but it wasn't the most enjoyable thing for me.) and rice. then i was like... the weather is so nice! and i walked around the neighbourbood for a bit. caught this [polluted] view on the way!

back at home, i had my eftar and when T got back, we went to the main street near our house to find something to do. we mostly went to a few stores and then to karaoke! it was a 연습장 karaoke, which meant it had mic stands! but it was still cheap, since its a coin karaoke ^-^ ₩5,000 for 15 songs--cheaper than the one in Busan but more spacious!

these were the final scores! and i got that 100 after singing ex by stray kids. of course i got 99 on the racket boys ost >.<

yesterday, march 11th, T and i went to the han river again because the weather was nice. we walked around for a bit before going to hyundai mall. it's a very very luxurious, high-end mall where there's even someone holding the door open for you.. i just know my mom and aunt would love it there. it has 6 floors!

i had to leave in a hurry then return in search of pads since i got my period--pads here are way too expensive and of such poor quality :c i should've brought more from home! it was around ₩8, 000 for maybe 10 pads?

we returned to the han river and rented a tandrm bike for 2 people. ₩6, 000 for an hour which is super reasonable ! it hurt a lot but was super fun!! a bucket list item crossed off: biking by the han river! but i recommend getting single bikes over the tandem ,, we just had to try it tho heh.

we had some candied strawberry (i forget the name) but it was super pricey (₩8, 000 for 2) and way cheaper in hongdae (₩6, 000 for 3). i noticed there were no prices written on stalls anywhere, so the vendors could've literally told us any price they wanted. i was worried they bumped up the price because we were foreigners, but oh well!

we also had the classic ramen by the han river, but it was so busy and people were so loud, i felt anxious and uncomfortable. we had to eat on the ground because all the picnic tables were taken, and as good as it tasted, it was kinda pricey for a pretty bad meal (₩11, 000). i was glad to leave.

we met Dami on the subway home and had some bingsu!! we tried matcha this time and i loved it. it's definitely a favourite for me and preferable over the mango.

anyways, today we're supposed to go to myeongdong to get T an astro lightstick for tomorrow. she's supposed to come shower this morning so i havent left my room yet and forced myself awake at 9am even though i slept at 3am, but she hasnt replied to my texts so i think i'll put on some clothes and go for a walk!

+ some photos of my room in case you were curious. i hang up my clothes there because theres no dryer !

next log

#in korea #royalog #royart gallery #music box #12.03.22 #Spotify

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karlajoyner · 4 years ago

Text

Crush (Nick x Reader)

A/n: Hey guys so it was brought to my attention and I also kinda noticed that my writing looks clustered as hell on tumblr cause I’m just not used to writing on it. So I’m gonna start typing my stories on Wattpad and transferring them onto tumblr cause it’s just easier for me since I’ve been writing on Wattpad for years. Let me know if it’s easier to read and if you guys would prefer it if I changed the rest of my previous imagines to this layout!

Requested by: Fallonburns (Wattpad)

Warnings: None I think. A kiss? I don’t know if you need to be warned about that. Okay bye!

————

As a member of the school dance committee it was part my job to push ideas and work out any kinks before a dance could happen. That included booking food, decorations, and of course entertainment.

"Come on y/n! Julie and her hologram band could totally blow the roof off this place and you know it" Flynn spoke as I walked down the hall towards my locker.

"Of course I know it Flynn and I know Julie would kill it but it's not my decision. Plus the dance is tomorrow. Who knows if Dinas gonna wanna add another entertainer for the night besides you?" I spoke to one of my longest friends.

"Well will you at least put in a good word?"

"I'll see what I can do" I said putting in my locker combination.

"Yes! Thank you"

Seconds later I groaned feeling my body particularly my head collide with the small metal door in a split second.

"Y/n!" I heard Flynn shout helping me regain my balance.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry" I heard a familiar voice making my heart rate pick up.

"Nick" I panted attempting to recover the air that was just knocked out of me.

"Y/n I didn't mean to really. Ethan threw the ball and I tried to catch it I-I'm sorry"

"It's cool. I'm totally fine" I attempted to play it off as I grabbed my binder from my locker.

"If totally fine means you've got a concussion then yeah you seem great" Flynn said making me scowl at her.

"Do you need to go to the nurse? I can walk you if you want" He said putting a hand on my head exactly where it had made contact with my locker door.

"Nick I'm fine really" I smiled removing his hand. I finally made eye contact with the boy who stood there smiling back at me. His beautiful blue eyes taking my breath away once more. Knocking out of the trance I glanced back at Flynn to see her eyeing me suspiciously.

“Are you sure?”

"Positive. I've gotta get to class. I'll see you later" I said pulling Flynn away from the scene in a hurry.

"Yeah, later" Nick called out to us as we continued down the hall.

"Seriously? Nick? What is it with that boy? I mean first Julie now you"

"Now me what? I don't like Nick. Julie likes Nick"

"Yeah if Nicks name started with L and rhymed with Duke" I looked at the girl in confusion.

"What?"

"Nothing. Julie doesn't like Nick anymore but it seems you do and as one of your oldest friends I think it's my job to tell you to go for it"

"Last time you told me to go for something I ended up on the school dance committee. I have 500 balloons to blow up by tomorrow" I said walking towards Carrie and Kayla. Kayla sent me a smile earning a pointed look from Carrie.

"Kayla. Carrie. I hope to see you guys at the dance this Thursday" I spoke smiling at the two girls.

"Sounds interesting. But I'm busy with Nick. You know MY boyfriend" She said putting emphasis on the word my.

"Plus if Flynn's gonna DJ I just don't know if I'd make it through the night"

I put an arm in front of Flynn to hold her back before turning back to the two girls.

"Well take a flyer anyways just in case" I grinned taking one from the stack in my binder.

"Thanks" Kayla said taking the flyer out of my hands.

"I hope to see you there" I sent the two another fake smile before walking away with Flynn to our next class.

"How do you talk to her without going off on her?"

"Well for starters it takes a lot of patience. They don't say fake it til you make it for nothing" I giggled along with Flynn as she looped her arm around my own.

I strutted down the hall walking towards music room where I knew Flynn and Julie would be at this time excited to give them the news.

Suddenly I felt someone grab my arm and spin me around to face them.

“Oh Nick" I said looking up at the boy in front of me. A blush creeping onto my face as I noticed the intense look he was sending me.

"What's up?" I questioned cautiously.

"We're friends right?"

"Yeah of course why?"

"I need a favor"

"A favor? A favor like what?" I asked watching his gaze flicker to our right. I turned to see Carrie and the rest of dirty candy walking towards us.

Before I could process what came next my body collided with the cold metal lockers behind me as Nick pushed his lips onto mine.

I slowly melted into the kiss wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him closer. But he didn't seem to mind.

"Nick" Carries voice interrupted what had soon become a make out session. The boy in front of me pulled away first keeping his hands firmly on my waist.

"Oh Carrie. What do you want?"

"We need to talk"

"I'm a little busy here" He said tilting his head towards me.

"Well become unbusy"

"I would but we have nothing to talk about. I told you yesterday we're over and that's it"

"We're not over until I say we're over"

"I'd say your pretty over"

"Oh shut it y/n. I know this is fake because Nick would never like a girl like you. I mean look at yourself. Pathetic" She talked with anger evident in her voice.

"Don't talk to her like that" Nick spoke turning to stand in front of me.

“Nick it's fine. She's right"

"No she's not. I'd rather be with someone who's kind, gentle, and doesn't have the personality of a mountain lion" Nick said glaring at Carrie who stood there with a smirk.

"You'll be back Nicky. See you Friday at the dance" She said walking away her posse hot on her tail.

"Thanks for sticking up for me Nick. You didn't have to. And sorry if I wasn't believable enough"

"You were great. Amazing! And I'll always stick up for you. You know that" He said smiling down at me.

"I know. I'd just prefer it if every time we met you didn't push me against the lockers. They’re cold and made out of metal you know?" I joked making him chuckle.

"Yeah sorry about that. And I'm sorry for dragging you into this. It's just Carrie won't leave me alone"

"I kinda figured when you shoved your tongue down my throat" I giggled watching a cute grin form on his face.

"Yeah yeah. I didn't hear you complaining"

"Well I mean you're not the worst kisser" I said biting my lip watching him get flustered.

"I can do better than that. I was just under pressure"

"Then I guess you'll have to prove it to me later" I spoke confidently before turning around walking in the direction I was heading.

"Hey! Wait!" He called out after me. "Yeah?" I questioned turning around.

"Are you going to the dance?" He asked shoving his hands in his pocket

"Yeah I have to. I kinda helped planned it" I called back smiling at him.

"So I'll see you there"

"See you there" I spoke turning back around reaching the end of the hall.

I pushed open the doors to the band room open only to hear a loud thud.

"Flynn?" I questioned seeing the girl on the ground.

"Are you okay?" I asked helping her up

"She's fine" Someone else in the room spoke.

"Oh hey Julie" I grinned at the girl who sat at the piano.

"Hey y/n"

"So are you gonna explain to me why you were on the floor?"

"Sure just as soon as you explain to me why Nick had you pushed up against the lockers" My face fell in embarrassment as I looked at Julie in panic.

"Julie it's not-"

"It's okay y/n. I'm over him. I kinda moved onto someone else"

"Really?"

"Really. You have my blessing" She confirmed with a grin.

"Thanks. Now that that's over. You were spying on me weren't you?" I questioned turning to Flynn.

"Whaaat no. I would never"

"She was spying" Julie confirmed for me once more.

"Thought so. I'll explain everything later I came to find you guys cause I have great news" I grinned pulling out a flyer from my backpack.

"Performing at Thursday nights dance is Julie and her hologram band" I smiled showing Flynn the paper.

"Wait what?" Julie asked with a surprised look on her face.

"I haven't told her"

"You haven't told her?" I asked with an exasperated look knowing this was gonna be a long evening.

It was Thursday night and I was running around making sure everything was going according to plan.

“Hey how’s she doing?” I asked Flynn nervously biting my lip.

“Not good. Her band she can’t get a hold of them......literally” Flynn explained making me nod my head.

“It’s just it’s 11:20 already”

“I know but this means a lot to her”

“I understand. Just keep stalling with your amazing dj skills” I smiled giving the girl a thumbs up.

“Thanks y/n. You’ve been running around all night why don’t you take a break?”

“I can’t even if I wanted to”

“Come on! Look Nicks been staring at you all night. If you pull him on the dance floor I’ll play something smooth. Something slow” She smirked at me bumping my shoulder.

“No you will not” I warned the girl. Looking over to the blonde boy who was evidently looking our way. Looking at me. He sent me a smile to which I smiled back at.

“Try me” She said making me playfully roll my eyes.

“I’ve gotta go” I spoke watching Daisy at the punch table wave me over.

“Duty calls” Flynn said before I walked away.

“What’s wrong?” I asked the brunette reaching the table on the far end of the gym.

“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom can you serve punch for like 5 minutes”

“Sure” I smiled moving behind the table taking the apron out of her hands. I threw it over my neck attempting to tie it from the back.

“I’ve got it” Someone spoke from behind me taking the strings away and tying them in a perfect knot.

“Nick. Thank you” I simpered at the boy who moved around the table to stand in front of me.

“No problem. I’m glad I finally got you alone. You look great by the way”

“I know this apron is pretty great huh?” I toyed with the boy.

“You can make anything look good”

“I try. Punch?” I asked holding up a plastic cup.

“Please” I quickly served him a cup handing it over to him.

“Thanks. You did amazing with this whole dance”

“Yeah well Dina wanted it to be perfect since it’s our first dance of the year”

“Dina did not disappoint. Neither did you of course. Promise you’ll save me a dance” He asked my cheeks heating up.

Abruptly I felt a tap on my shoulder to see Daisy was back. I handed her back the apron before moving around the table where Nick was.

“Or we could dance now?” I suggested watching him put his cup down.

“Sounds good m’lady” He spoke sticking his hand out for me. I giggled taking it and letting him sweep me towards the dance floor.

I laughed along with him as he began to dance goofily to the music purposely.

“You have an amazing laugh”

“Nick if you don’t stop complimenting me it’s gonna look like I put on 10 pounds of blush by the end of the night”

“Well you don’t need makeup you know”

“That’s what all guys say until they see what you really look like”

“Well you’ve always been naturally beautiful. Even in 8th grade when you wore no makeup at all”

“Don’t remind me I looked terrible”

“Not to me you didn’t” He said looking into my eyes. For a split moment the world around us stopped moving and it felt like we were the only ones in the room.

At least until I felt someone bump into me pushing me forward into the boy.

“I’m so sorry” I said realizing his hands had caught my body.

“It’s cool are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah y/n are you okay?” A familiar voice asked from behind me.

I turned around to come face to face with Carrie who stood there with a devilish look in her eye.

“I’m fine”

“Oh how unfortunate. You know I didn’t see you as the dancing type. You’ve always had two left feet”

“Leave her alone Carrie” Nick spoke attempting to move forward. I put my arm up to hold him back.

“No Nick it’s ok she’s not worth my time or yours”

“Whatever. This dance is lame anyways”

“Then maybe go home”

“I will. Nick care to join me?” She smirked dangling her plastic cup in her hands.

“No I’m having a good time here” Nick spoke intertwining his hand with mine. I looked down slightly smiling at the gesture.

“Wow. Fine have fun.......with her” Carrie said moving to pass by me.

I suddenly gasped feeling a cold sensation hit my body.

“Oops sorry” The witch spoke before walking away.

“What’s her problem?” I asked ready to go after her only to be held back.

“Hey, you said it yourself. She’s not worth our time” Nick whispered holding me by my shoulders.

“Your right. I don’t even think it’s worth trying to clean this up” I said pointing out the red stain on the side of my dress.

“Here. It isn’t exactly cute but it’ll help cover up the stain” He said putting his jean jacket over my shoulders.

“It’s perfect. Thanks Nick. For everything”

“This is one of the last few songs of the night. Dedicated to a very special friend of mine so grab your partners close and tell HIM or her how you feel” Flynn’s voice rang through the gym speakers.

A slow song beginning to play throughout the gym. Couples beginning to form on the dance floor.

I looked up at the girl on the stage to see her send me a quick wink. Playfully rolling my eyes I looked back at the boy in front of me, his hand lingering in the air.

“Can I have this dance?”

“Of course” I grinned taking it. Allowing him to pull me close.

We swayed side to side along to music with smiles plastered on our faces.

“You know I never thought I’d finally get here”

“Finally?” I asked pulling away looking up at him.

“Guess it’s now or never huh? Okay. Y/n I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time. So long Carrie started to notice. After she found out I rammed you into the lockers the other day she went crazy”

“Really? She was that jealous”

“Insanely. But after I talked to you that day I realized this crush wasn’t going anywhere”

“You know I’m really glad to hear you say that Nick cause I feel the same way”

“That’s good. Because I can finally prove you so wrong” He smirked leaning down and pulling me into a passionate kiss. The first (technically second) one of the many that were yet to come.

————

Up next: Jeremy Shada x Reader

Charlie Gillespie x Reader (Smut)

Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader

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caranfindel · 4 years ago

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Episode recap/review: Walker 1.14

I didn't expect to recap 1.14 and yet here I am, still avoiding my unfinished Summergen fic. I'm actually writing this in real time, as I watch the episode. So for once I'm not pretending I don't know what happens. I literally don't know.

We begin with Cordell and Grandpa clearing up the crime scene. How much do I love Cordell saying "Daddy?" A lot. And not in that way, you perverts. It just really brings out the Texan.

Liam is in bed, recuperating. He gets a call (note that he calls himself William professionally, which is news to me, and I like it for whatever reason) from someone asking for a comment, which he starts to angrily refuse before Gramma Walker grabs his phone and hangs up. Gramma Walker going all Mama Bear for Liam is also interesting, and unexpected. But Liam says "I can take care of myself" and she says "No, you can't. None of you boys can." And then looks sadly out the window, where Cordell and Grandpa are taking down the crime scene tape. I just have to think "none" and not "both" means she's thinking of poor dead Hoyt, who she obviously loved like a son, if not more so. (More evidence for the Hoyt is her lovechild file? Maybe.)

Geri shows up, wearing an unnecessary cowboy hat and Hoyt's old jacket. She's bearing Hoyt's last will and testament, written on a bar coaster! Oh, my heart. And in case you can't read it:

If I get shivved in the shower or some old horse kicks me upside the head. For real Liam stamp it and everything - I leave everything to Geri/"Geraldine Broussard"/angle [sic] face sweet lips etc. So that plot I bought over in Tanglewood is for her and whatever I got in my pockets or elsewhere. See ya in the next life.

Angle face!

I'm not sure this would stand up in court, since he didn't even sign his last name, although it is witnessed by William Walker. Anyway, it's a moot point, because the land Hoyt intended to give Geraldine "Angle Face" Broussard is transferring to new owners, effective tomorrow. Which makes no sense. The deal fell apart because he died, and yet it's so soon after his death that the police tape is still up. New owners wouldn't be in the picture that quickly. Reverting to previous owners, because it was owner-financed? Sure. But not new owners. (Whatever, Caranfindel. Move it along.) She asks Cordell to go with her to gather his personal belongings. And to bring the kids. Hmmm, let's see how Stella can mess this up. (Tanglewood is 71 miles from Austin. Of course I looked it up.)

But first, Cordell has to sign paperwork to begin his leave of absence. So he didn't actually intend to quit. I mean, we all knew he'd be back, but I kind of thought he was, at the time, intending to quit for good. Does Connie the HR person have a big old crush on him? There is hand touching and deep, serious gazing.

Touch him, Connie. Touch him for those of us who cannot.

Micki is sitting right outside the conference room where he signs his papers but still acts surprised that he's in the building. Did she not smell the rosemary mint shampoo as he walked by? He thanks her for the flowers and apologizes for not calling her back. And then cancels their lunch plans so he can go off with Geri and the kids.

Someone said this on Tumblr, and I think it bears repeating here. It's interesting comparing Cordell's grief, over his wife and now his best friend, to Sam's grief. Cordell is clearly deeply affected, and is also clearly moving on. Sam is just unhinged.

Elsewhere. The gang stops for lunch and reminisces about Hoyt dressed as Santa, wearing assless chaps. Well. That's memorable. (Also, I know people who did the whole leaving horse manure and pretending it's reindeer poop thing. Some people are just a lot more into Santa than I was.) Trevor (Travis? Whatever) called Stella. She's apparently avoiding him. Probably a good call, sis. Maybe the only one you've made in 14 episodes. (To be fair, I didn't watch the first four.)

Micki shares tacos with her boyfriend, whose name I can never remember, having been stood up by Cordell. She tells him Cordell seemed "off," which is great now, Micki. Why didn't you pay more attention to that feeling last week? The BF thinks Micki herself might be off, because she misses her partner. And she calls him family. Captain What's His Face comes to talk to Trey (that's his name, dammit) and asks if he knows a guy who goes to the same physical therapist's office. Friends, when I've done PT, I don't even know people who go to my therapist, let alone just go to someone in the same office. But maybe folks in Austin are just friendlier than they are round these parts. Oh, wait. The guy is missing, and was last seen in a heated discussion with Trey? What's up with that, Trey?

Tanglewood. Cordell asks the nice lady (realtor? owner?) about Hoyt's "personal affects," and she says "they are probably out grazing." Because Hoyt's personal effects are four horses and a llama. Which Geri owns now. "Where am I going to board four horses and a llama?" she asks. Cordell is oddly befuddled (and adorably, cause y'all know how I feel about befuddled Jared), as if he didn't live on a ranch. With horses. The family business, remember? The kids are entranced. I would be too. It's a damn cute llama. One of the mares actually nursed the llama, so they're family. (Watch out for falling anvils.)

Micki's house. Trey says the "heated discussion" was the missing guy showing him a judo move. Captain asks Trey to ride along and help him investigate, and poor partnerless Micki asks if she can come with.

Tanglewood. Apparently Hoyt's personal affects also included gear for the four horses, because everyone is saddled up. Geri doesn't seem like an experienced rider - she keeps her hand on the pommel of the saddle, which I always heard was a rube move. (At least she's not clutching the saddle horn. No shade. It's hard not to. It's a perfect handle and it's just right there.) Cordell, of course, rides perfectly, as he does everything perfectly.

Everything except his job. And raising his kids. But do I care about those things? Not so much.

Geri thinks the llama looks unwell. What is she, a llama expert? A veterinarian? And what are they doing on this trail ride anyway - taking the herd back to the Walker ranch? It's 71 miles away! It's an hour and a half driving! How will they get the truck? Why didn't Cordell just say "let's go back to the ranch and get Daddy's cattle trailer?" WHY.

(No one cares. No one but you thinks about these things.)

Stella is on her phone, but it turns out she's (allegedly) re-reading Hoyt's last text, not chatting with friends. And then she says she was "responsible for everything." Oh, wait. We're going there? Stella is finally going to face the music? Cordell says it's not her fault, but they're interrupted by the llama, who apparently is in distress. Cordell wants to leave him at a random homestead. Permanently? Like, "excuse me, ma'am, but can you take this llama?" Or just while they get the horses home? I dunno.

August doesn't like this, because the llama and the horses are family. Geri distracts him by claiming Hoyt wanted him to have the jacket she's wearing, although I find this rather dubious, because why did she wait so long to mention it? Why is she wearing it herself? It's a lucky jacket he won from a tarot card reader and card hustler named The Mystifying Mehar, who was "infamous for getting out of trouble because of that jacket." Cordell then asks Geri to go off with the kids while he hangs back and tries to ditch the llama. Oh no, Cordell, don't do that. He's family!

Back at the ranch, Grandpa chases off some more journalists. He also ignores Gramma's concern about his cancer.

Trail ride. We skipped the whole bit where Cordell found someone willing to take in a goddamn llama, caught up with his kids, and told them what he did. They're mad that he wouldn't even try, and then Stella impulsively rides off, almost falling into a revine.

Team Sassyboots 2.0 questions the missing guy's wife. Turns out he left a note. Doesn't sound like he's as missing as they thought. He said he would "fix everything," i.e., their upcoming foreclosure. They check his workshop and find evidence that he was a military contractor, and apparently this means he should have no money problems whatsoever, because they don't understand how money works. His gun safe is empty, so they figure he's on some kind of "black ops" job. And if it's going to be complete by Monday, I assume it's something local, and not a military operation.

Walker Ranch. Someone who is Liam's "political opponent" comes to take care of him? And he's bringing barbeque? Is it poisoned? Gramma says Liam can't have barbecue because he's on bedrest, as if one had anything to do with the other. And... Grandpa wants to go mushroom hunting with her? Is that what the kids call it these days?

Trail ride. Cordell found someone to keep the horses. Temporarily? I'm still confused. Stella and Geri talk about Hoyt, and Stella asks about her forgiving him. Thinking about some forgiveness toward your own bad boy, Stella? She says "the two of you were always kind of like the dream to me," which is odd considering they were off-and-on, while her parents were very much on, and definitely seem more like couple goals. But okay. Stella confesses again that she is responsible, and Geri says "you let love in, maybe; that's your worse crime." I wonder if Stella blames herself for the fake truck crash that started the whole domino effect, or if she even realizes that's what happened. Obviously Geri wouldn't. Hmmm, I wonder what August thinks about all this?

Walker Ranch. Whoever this political opponent is, he must be a family friend, because he gave a toast at Cordell and Emily's rehearsal dinner. "Hey, when did your brother have such long hair," he asks, looking at a picture of the happy couple. Liam is growing facial hair again. I like it. Opponent suggests the spicy barbecue will put hair on Liam's chest and Liam tosses it aside and says "no, dammit, after I spent all that time waxing?" And Liam might drop out of whatever race he's in. I don't really care about that part. Let's talk more about Liam's chest.

I love that they can use actual Padalecki family photos as Cordell and Emily photos. No bad Photoshop needed!

Team Sassyboots 2.0. I don't really care about this missing guy either. Skipping it. You know, I understand this is meant to be an ensemble show, and Jared Padalecki and his stupid pretty face and long legs are not going to be in every scene. But Micki working a case with her boss and her boyfriend just bothers me and I don't want to be a part of it.

Trail ride. They're bedding down in the barn for the night? What the fuck? Where are they? Why didn't they just drive home? I'm so confused! Cordell and Geri talk about Hoyt some more. Cordell makes an awkward comment about "us together" and then amends it to mean all of us together, as in you and me and the kids camping right now, not, like, you and me together together, and then does a little eyebrow thing like whoo, good job, talked your way out of that one. NO, CORDELL, YOU ARE NOT AS SMOOTH AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. Anyway. There's a lot of guilt about poor dead Hoyt. Cordell tells Geri her name is still on the Sidestep lease (lease? I thought they owned it?), as if being part owner of a bar is always going to be a good thing, with no liability at all. And they don't kiss, for which I am grateful. The horses are really acting up. I hope nothing's happening.

Cordell checks on the horses and apologizes to the mare for leaving the llama behind. He realizes he made the wrong choice. "You know what," he says. "Let's go fix this."

I adore him.

Walker Ranch. Grandpa and Gramma have been mushroom hunting and are now getting silly. Um, what kind of mushrooms did you two find? And then Grandpa says "tonight's about Hoyt," which I do not understand. "I saw the joy he gave you," Grandpa says. Yes, Grandpa, and do you not find that even a little bit fishy? And then he decides to build something.

Trail ride. Cordell went and retrieved his llama! He is precious. I love him so much. He has some pratfalls in the same ravine that almost caught Stella, and then his family shows up and rescues him. (Can I point out that his "a-ha-ha" laugh is the same one we heard when he opened his gift from Dean in "A Very Supernatural Christmas" and I'm not sure it appeared in any other episode?) August offers the Lucky Jacket to use as a llama harness to haul the little guy out of the ravine. Oh, and it turns out the llama is about to give birth.

And, while I'm skipping Team Sassyboots 2.0, it's hard to ignore that Micki is now in a UFC fight. That might have been an interesting story after all. Y'all can fill me in.

Walker Ranch. They're building a little stable. Because this big horse ranch doesn't have enough stables. Liam, who was bedridden to the point of not being able to eat barbeque yesterday, is now helping build. He gets a text from his former fiance, who wants to talk. And Grandpa has decided to treat his cancer. Happy endings all around!

Micki's house. She says she was passive-aggressive with Walker because she's afraid of losing him. I get it, sweetie. He's someone you don't want to lose.

Trail ride. August is carrying the newborn llama, wrapped in the Lucky Jacket. Geri wants to cut out before they get to the ranch. She's going to ride the bus home? Seriously? Isn't her car at the Walker Ranch? She and Cordell talk abou their unfinished business. Yeah, like the fact she was probably involved in your wife's murder? That unfinished business, Geraldine? Grandpa meets them before they get to the ranch and informs them he has a strict no-llama policy on the ranch. But luckily, he just built an alpaca stable. They’re alpacas, not llamas. So, Geri called him, but how did he know they were alpacas? Did she send pictures? I am so confused. Anyway. The new family goes into their new home. They name the baby alpaca Hoyt, of course.

Little Hoyt, guys, he's the sweetest thing.

Breakfast. Political Opponent gives Liam a contribution. Oh, I get it. They're running for the same office, and he thinks Liam will draw votes away from his other opponent. Shrewd. Stella calls Trevor and says she might need to leave the past behind. And you are the past, Trevor. Cordell sees a truck pull up and runs out to meet Micki. She apologizes for holding a grudge over him leaving. She tries to shake hands and he hugs her instead. She thinks they can just be friends now instead of partners, and he says they're not friends, they're family. And then she oohs and aahs over the alpacas, which she recognizes immediately as alpacas and not llamas, and also points out that little Hoyt is actually a girl. Oops. Awkward. Cordell is surprised she can just tell. "Most people can." Yeah, you are the worst rancher's son ever. Then Cordell sees the fence is carved with a memorial to Hoyt. Aw.

He is also the sweetest thing.

So. Less drama than last week. More warmth. A ridiculous B story that was as annoying as giving Cas his own plot. Will I still watch next week? Yeah, probably. I have questions. How did Grandpa know they were alpacas? Where is the baby daddy? Can Cordell and his rancher father really not tell the difference between a male and female alpaca? Why is Geri riding the bus home, when her car is at the Walker's? Why is she avoiding the Walker Ranch? Will August ever get his own plot again?

It's just a shame that this episode didn't have any shout-outs to Supernatural, like the last one did...

#walker #recap/review #tv recap #1.14 #spoilers

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gloomyhearts · 4 years ago

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Mellillla || Owen P. Joyner

Chapter one~ I'll be dead

High school sweethearts as their friends called them but they were never in a relationship. Several years passed them when their life moved on. Will their paths meet again?

AN: Hey guys.. so here's my first Owen Joyner x fem!OC. Hope you enjoy it :)

The brunette girl hurried through the hallways to her next class, many other students stood by their lockers chattering with one another. Her flow was interrupted as someone grabber her arm making her stop.

"Why are you running, Dahl?" A breath of relief escaped her lips when she saw Lilith.

"We have a class in like two minutes," she argues.

Lilith let out a chuckle. "We have lunch you idiot" her chuckle grow into a loud laughter.

"What really?" Dahlia turns her left wrist to see the watch.

"What the.."

"You're hilarious," her hand resting on her abdomen from laughing.

"That's not funny," Dahlia's index pushed her glasses further on her nose.

"Come on, let's get you some food," the red haired girl grabbed her wrist pulling her to the cafeteria.

When they arrived there her graze felt on her group of friends sitting on one of the tables near the wall as always.

"You made it, D. Finally," Samuel raises his hand for her to high five it.

She came to a halt and her hand met a wet one.

"Why.. what was that," she groans bringing her hand up to her nose. It didn't smell at all.

"Chill it was just water" he holds his bottle up.

Dahlia rolled her eyes while sitting down.

"So what's your plan for the weekend?" Chloe asks.

"Well, I have volleyball on Saturday and Sunday there's this school play where the bands playing," Dahlia explains as she steals some carrots from Lilith.

"And after that?"

"Serious? After that I'm dead" she knitted one of her brows.

"There's a campfire at Josh's," Jacob suggests.

"Feel free to go" she gestures with her hand.

"Not without you D." He states.

"I'm not coming"

"Please Dahl," Emma had her puppy eyes as she pleaded.

"Guys.. fine, maybe" Dahlia grabs her backpack.

"Where you're going?"

"The break is over in a few. I'm just eluding the big crowd." She winked at them and made her way over to the door.

"She really left. What a girl" every single one at the table began to laugh.

After her last class the brunette had her last rehearsal for the show on Sunday. Her feet steps into the room and her eyes laid abruptly on this special person.

His cap was turned around and held most of his hair back yet single strands of his blonde hair were falling into his face as he played enthusiastic the drums.

She walked over to the piano and took a seat. Her finger run softly over the ivories. A shy small smile suited her lips, deep in her thoughts. Dahlia didn't noticed that someone walked over to her, she shrieks slightly as the shadow laid over her.

"Hey gurl," the familiar voice spoke.

"Val," Dahlia was on her feet again throwing her arms around her.

"I thought you wouldn't come"

"I can't miss this. You know" she rolled her eyes with a smile on her lips.

"Didn't saw you during break" she points.

"I came just for this" the blonde explains.

"Cause I couldn't do this without you"

"We're just rehearsing," Valerie laughs.

"I couldn't do it either," she retorts.

"I know."

"Please take your seats," the teacher shouts.

"We begin with song 3 cause y'all suck at it."

Dahlia was the first to play in this, she nervously let her fingers fly over the keys again. Then the drummer began quietly, giving it all a rhythm and then the rest. Their teacher was somewhat disgusted but also kinda hopeful that her class could do it just good.

"Dahlia, a little louder please," the named girl hit the keys a little harder and her teacher send her a thumb up.

The chords of the last song echoed through the room and the students as well as their teacher seemed pleased.

"Great guys. Go home and get some rest before sunday," the teacher suggests suggests as the music stops.

All the students gathered around the drums giving the person behind various compliments. Dahlia herself moved to the door already out of the room as her teacher calls after her.

"What's wrong?" She arrived at the table.

"You sure about the scholarship?" He questions.

"Yeah, I think I suck too much. I wouldn't make it in the business," Dahlia insists.

"Whatever you say sweetie. I don't wanna push you into something," he states.

Her graze falling on her hands.

"But it'd be a loss," Dahlia's view rose up.

"Thanks but.. I really don't know," she shrugged her shoulders.

"It's okay, Dahlia, really," he gave her a resuring smile. Dahlia nodds and waved to her as she made her way out.

"What did he wanted?" Valerie throws her arm around her shoulder guiding her to the exit.

"Just the scholarship thing"

"Just? Are you serious? Are you stupid? Actually don't answer. I thought we'd have a girl night. At 7 at mine?"

Dahlia nodds as an answer and went to her mother's car.

"See you baby," Valerie shouts after her, Dahlia just winked at her.

"Hi mom," she opens the passenger door and threw her backpack in, following it shortly after.

"Hey hun."

"Can I sleep over at Val's?"

"Yeah of course but don't forget your game tomorrow"

"She'll drive me there."

Actually Valerie is a senior like most of the people in the band but Dahlia is allowed, due to her outstanding grades and well playing, to be in the band. At first her parents were suspicious because the kids were all two til three years older than her innocent Dahlia.

But surprisingly the others hadn't a problem with her joining the band they were even keen. Mostly all of them.

"Can you maybe bring me to her?"

"Your sister said she's going to a friend too, she'll drop you there," she explains.

"Great," she comments. Well since Dahlia joined the band at the end of her freshman year, her sister hears her name more often from her friends having no spare time of her.

"I don't know where your problem is"

"Well since I joined her some of her friends in the band she hates me."

"She doesn't mean it like this. I think she's scared you're stealing her friends."

"That was a year ago and I haven't, not even one. Just Val," and that was the point.

Valerie and Serena were friends, best friends until high school started for them but Valerie and Dahlia became friends after two years off their "break up".

It wasn't pretty , it was filthy to be honest but it was Serena's fault mostly but that's yesterday's news.

"You're breaking the news to her," the young girl says as she exits the car.

When Dahlia entered her room the first thing she does is to put her glasses into its case, the second thing is to pack her suitcase for the weekend, during the drive home she clarified that she'd stay the whole weekend at her friend's house.

"I'm not driving you there," her sister rushes into the room.

"Well good afternoon to you too, sister," she comments.

"But it's literally on your way. You're even driving her road," dahlia adds.

"But I have to stop right in front of her home," Serena argues.

"I'd jump out the car," the brunette suggests.

"That's a great idea," she turns around and leaves as fast as she got in.

She's so dump Dahlia thought.

"I'm leaving on 6.30" Serena shouted through the door and a smile creeped on Dahlia's lips. She continues to push her things into the suitcase.

"You're moving out?" Her younger brother questions as she wandered to the stairs.

"Shut up."

"Just that you know. Mom says if you blow up the house she puts you up for adoption," she announced as her feet steps on the first stair.

"You ready?" Dahlia nodds and followed her sister behind.

The car ride was covered with silence, neither of them said a single word until they arrived at the front of Valerie's house.

"Thanks for driving me Serena," Dahlia gave her a weak smile as she grabs her suitcase and moved the way to the front.

"You're finally here," Valerie throws the door open and pulled her inside.

"Had Serena really droped you here?" Dahlia nodds, waving Val's parents as they walked past them.

"Hello dear. Nice to see you again," her mother greeted the brunette.

"You'll find us upstairs," she tells them.

#owen joyner fanfiction #owen joyner imagine #owen joyner x reader #owen patrick joyner #jatp fanfic #jatp x oc #julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms fanfiction #owen joyner #owen joyner fic #julie and the himbos #julieandthephantomsimagine #julie and the fat ones #jatp fic #jatp cast #alex mercer #alex japt

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years ago

Text

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

7 notes · View notes

cocastyle · 5 years ago

Text

The In-Between Chapter 6

Stranger Things x It Crossover

with some Bill Denbrough x reader

Word Count - 7,455

Warning - cursing (if people don’t like that kind of stuff)

A/N- so I kind of got carried away with this chapter and wrote over 7000 words lol, but I couldn’t really split this chapter up considering what’s about to come in the next chapter so I just left it as is (the next chapter is going to have so many interactions with the two groups you won’t be ready!) I really hope you all like this chapter because I worked hard on it and am actually really proud of the way it turned out! leave a comment with your thoughts on the chapter and with any predictions that you have for the future🤩

if you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

T H E I N - B E T W E E N

Intro The Losers’ Club The Party Prolouge 1 2

3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Epilogue

"Wh-Wh-What is she doing?" Bill whispered as he gently nudged Y/N's side.

The girl stared ahead at Eleven who was busy putting a radio on a station that only had static playing before she glanced at Bill. She sent him a small smile that had him blushing and smiling back. "You'll see," she whispered.

Y/N let out a small gasp as she remembered something and quickly disappeared up the stairs and into her house before returning a few seconds later with a cloth in her hand. She walked over and handed it to Eleven who gave her a small smile before beginning to fold it and wrap it around her eyes like a blindfold.

"A blindfold?" Richie asked. He then smirked before winking in Eleven's direction. "Kinky. Now all we need is some handcuffs and-"

"Beep beep Richie!" the Losers Club cried out while the Party all looked at Richie in disgust.

Y/N shook her head at the boy before looking to the Party with an apologetic smile, "Sorry about him. He hadn't quite matured yet if you can't tell."

"Hey!" Richie complained.

"Oh hush," Y/N told him making the boy pout. She chuckled and ruffled his hair much to his annoyance before she turned her attention back to Eleven who was finished setting up.

"Remember, you have to be quiet," Y/N reminded the Losers, making a point to stare at Richie longer than the others. They all nodded before looking to Eleven who was now sitting on the ground, the radio static playing behind her.

The room was so quiet that one could have heard a pin drop. The prospect of Eleven doing something that could help them with their mission to find Mine being enough to make even Richie keep his mouth shut.

It took a minute, but Eleven suddenly let out a small gasp before whispering, "Mike."

Y/N noticed Wheeler frown a little at that seeing as she was talking about a different Mike instead of him. It was unusual that was for sure and Y/N had thought it was weird knowing two Mikes as well when she first moved to Derry. But since she had called him Wheeler since they were kids, calling Mike Hanlon by his first name hadn't been too weird for her.

"I. . .I see him," Eleven whispered out making the Losers all furrow their eyebrows and look to Y/N confused. She just gave them a look and gestured towards Eleven in response and they all looked back to the girl who had some blood starting to peak out from her nose.

"He. . .He's hiding by some water," Eleven said.

"The quarry," Y/N muttered as she looked to the others. Their eyes widened slightly and they watched as Y/N walked over and bent down in front of her friend.

Y/N reached out and gently took ahold of Eleven's hand, the girl instantly latching onto hers in return. "Tell Mike that we're coming for him," Y/N whispered, tears springing in her eyes. "Tell him he's going to be okay."

"Your friends. . .they're coming for you. Hang in there, Mike. You're going to be okay," Eleven muttered, although Y/N knew she was talking to Mike Hanlon.

"Hurry," a voice suddenly came from the radio causing the Losers and Y/N to jump in surprise at the sound of their friend's voice. "Please hurry."

Eleven's face then scrunched up in pain and she let out a loud gasp before ripping the blindfold from her face. Her eyes frantically looked around before locking with Y/N's. "He's okay," she assured him. Y/N wiped away her tears and gave Eleven a small smile before hugging her friend in thanks.

"What the fuck was that?”

The two girls pulled away from each other to see the Losers looking more confused then ever. "What the fuck just happened?" Richie questioned, his eyes wide. "What did she do and how the hell does she know that Mike is okay?"

Y/N took in a deep breath before standing up and slowly approaching her friends. "Guys, so Eleven kind of has these powers. She was able to mentally connect with Mike and get a picture of where he was and give him a message," Y/N explained.

"I'm sorry. What?" Stan asked confused.

"Powers like superpowers?" Ben questioned.

"I guess," Y/N replied. "I know it's hard to understand but-"

"Hard to understand? It's crazy! You know what, I'm calling bullshit," Richie announced.

"But Mike's voice-" Y/N began.

"We don't even know if that was his voice because all I could hear was a bunch of fucking static! How am I supposed to believe you when the only thing that I saw happen was that girl get a fucking nosebleed and bleed all over your basement?" Richie asked.

Wheeler narrowed his eyes at the boy and went over to his girlfriend who he helped off the ground while Eleven wiped the blood from her nose. He was about to say something when he saw Y/N raise an eyebrow at the boy and cross her arms.

"You want proof? Evidence?" Y/N questioned, not a look of hesitation on her face. Richie was silent before nodding his head. "Okay, asshole. Here's your fucking proof."

She then walked over to one of the closet doors of the basement before opening it and walking back over to the group. Richie was about to question her when the door slammed shut making him and the other Losers all jump in surprise.

The door then began to open and slam shut repeatedly and Richie was hesitant before he turned to look at Eleven who had one hand up in the air. The door slammed shut for a final time and Eleven lowered her hand before wiping the small bit of blood below her nose away.

"Holy shit! She's an X-Men!" Eddie exclaimed in disbelief making Dustin chuckle since he had thought the same thing when he first met Eleven.

Y/N smirked and looked to Richie while the other Losers and the Party watched the girl in amusement. "That enough proof for you?" she asked.

Richie made a face in response and Y/N chuckled before looking between the groups and clapping her hands together. "Now. . .we may know that Mike is okay right now, but that doesn't mean he will be forever. We need to start making plans and preparing because first thing after school tomorrow, we are going to the Well House to save Mike and kill those other motherfuckers before it's too late. Everyone okay with that?" Y/N announced.

The Parry and the Losers' Club all nodded in agreement and Y/N smirked.

"Great. Let's get to work."

- - -

Bill bit his lip in concentration as he used a ruler to draw lines through the map of Derry. His job, and the job of all the Losers, was to split a map of Derry up into four different sectors. When they left to go find Mike tomorrow, half of the whole group would be staying behind while the other half broke off into pairs and searched the specific sections of the Upside Down's version of Derry.

Since the Upside Down was pretty much a replica of the real world, Y/N had thought it would be a good idea to use a map of Derry to break up the sections. Because the Losers knew Derry the best, they had offered to split the map up while the Party got weapons ready seeing as they knew what would work best against a demogorgon if it were to attack.

Y/N had started out with the Losers at first, but it hadn't taken long for her to migrate over to the Party whom she had been spending the last hour with. The Losers hadn't thought much of it at first, but they couldn't help but notice the way she seemed to totally forget about them as she laughed and joked around with the Party, a smile on her face that looked nothing like the usual smile they got to see.

Bill had to force himself not to look up, reminding himself that Y/N was just excited to see her friends again. That's why Bill had put all his effort into the maps he was making, Beverly being the only other person to help him while Stan, Ben, Eddie, and Richie all watched Y/N and the Party with frowns on their faces and jealously coursing through their blood.

Glares were on the four boys faces and they only narrowed their eyes more at the sight of Y/N with her arms linked with Will as she talked to Steve and Lucas. "She forgot about us," Stan whispered softly, sadness laced in his voice despite his angered appearance.

"I can't believe it," Ben muttered, feeling awful at the idea that the Party made Y/N happier than they did. Him and the others could tell by the look of pure joy on her face just how much happier she was around the Party and that only fueled their jealousy more.

"Well believe it, Benny. We're yesterday's news," Richie frowned, glaring slightly as a bitter taste filled his mouth.

"Look how happy they make her. I don't think I've ever made her laugh that hard," Eddie muttered sadly as he too came to the realization that Y/N was happier around the Party than she was around them.

"It's cause you're not funny, Eds," Richie shot back. "No wonder Y/N left us. We're a bunch of losers literally."

"Sh-Sh-Shut up," Bill called out, tired of their behavior and tones.

Richie whirled around so fast that he whacked Eddie who let out a cry of protest. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he said as he looked at Bill in disbelief. When Bill didn't look up, Richie stomped over to his friend. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Are you really so blind that you don't see your girl over there with her arms fucking linked with another boy? He's stealing her right in front of your eyes, dumbass. How are you not the slightest bit mad or jealous?" Richie asked. "Cause me being Y/N's friend and seeing her talking to them and not us is making me mad and I'm not the one that had a crush on her."

Bill frowned at that and looked up, but he froze at the sight of Y/N laughing at something Dustin had told her as she leaned into Will and wiped at her tears. Her arm was linked with Will's like Richie had said and she was resting her head on his shoulder as she looked up at Dustin with a huge grin on her face.

Bill's heart broke at the sight.

Bill cleared his throat and quickly looked away, blinking fast to keep the tears from coming. "Sh-Sh-She's not my g-g-girl. She can d-d-do whatever the h-h-hell she w-w-wants," he muttered.

Richie felt a wave of guilt wash over him once he realized how upset he had just made his friend, but Y/N's laughter had him turning back to look at her, a new wave of anger washing over him at the fact that she was now hurting Bill without even knowing it.

"How can someone be that funny? I mean, there's no way!" Richie exclaimed.

"Aren't they supposed to be gathering weapons anyways? Not joking around?" Stan asked.

"They did gather weapons," Ben pointed out as he gestured towards the few crowbars, bats, and other weapons they had gathered. "They even got flashlights and rope."

"Still, how are they so funny? Especially that Wheeler kid. She must be laughing at how funny looking he is," Richie concluded making the others raise their eyebrows at him.

Beverly rolled her eyes at Richie before glancing at Bill who was busy glaring at Will and Dustin. Beverly scoffed and stood up causing the Losers to all snap their attention over to her.

"Are you all being serious right now?" Beverly asked while the boys all gave her confused looks, not understanding what she was getting at. "You know that Y/N cares about each of you more than life itself, but you also need to understand that she can care about other people just as much. They were her first friends, guys. That group went through so much shit together just like we have and they haven't seen each other in two whole years!"

The boys didn't respond and Beverly just gave them an angry look as she narrowed her eyes. "I swear to God if Y/N hears one word from your jealous asses I will kill you. Now stop being self conscious pussies and be happy for your friend," she spat before she stormed away from the group and over to the Party.

They watched as Y/N's eyes lit up at the sight of Beverly before she grabbed the girl's arm and pulled her over to Max and Eleven, the four girls instantly falling into conversation. The boys all felt a wave of guilt wash over them, but none of them felt like going over and trying to talk to Y/N or the rest of the members of the Party.

It took only a minute before Richie, Eddie, Stan and Ben returned to their complaining as they watched their friend, but Bill took the longest to return back to what he had been doing before. His eyes were still on Y/N and his heart ached as he watched her.

He knew there was some truth to Beverly's words, but it was hard to believe everything she said after he had seen how happy Y/N was. How come he couldn't make her laugh like that? Or smile like that?

He would do anything to be in the receiving end of that smile. Hell, he would probably swoon at the sight.

Did she not like him the way he thought she had? For a moment he had thought she maybe returned his feelings, but now he wasn't so sure. If she had then he would be able to make her that happy, right?

Bill let out a small sigh and took in a deep breath before going back to the maps, trying everything in his power not to let his feelings get to him so much. But even he couldn't stop the one traitor tear from falling down his face as he realized he would never be able to make Y/N as happy as he had hoped.

If only he knew how he looked in Y/N's eyes. Then maybe he wouldn't have doubted himself and maybe he wouldn't have ended up hurting her later that night.

- - -

"Y/N!" Eleven cried out as she jumped onto the girl from behind, a laugh escaping her lips as she wrapped her arms around her giggling friend who had been busy sorting through the weapons with Steve and Wheeler.

"El!" Y/N mockingly yelled back as she looked over her shoulder at her friend.

Eleven chuckled and got off of her before glancing over at Steve and Wheeler. "I'm going to steal her for a few minutes," she said. She didn't bother waiting for a response from the boys before she was dragging Y/N away and over to where Beverly and Max were sitting.

"No, yeah I love your hair! I always wanted to try and cut mine short, but I'm afraid it will turn out bad," Max said as she looked at Beverly's haircut. "Who cut your hair because it looks so good!"

"I did actually," Beverly told her.

"No way!" Max gasped. "It looks so good, Beverly!"

"Thanks," Beverly said before she happened to notice Eleven and Y/N walking up to them. "Oh, hey Y/N!"

"Hey," Y/N greeted as Max also turned to look at her friends. Max's eyes lit up at the sight of the girl and she was quick to stand up before her and Eleven practically shoved Y/N into the place Max had just been sitting.

"Woah, okay," Y/N muttered as she adjusted herself so that she was more comfortable. When she looked back up, Eleven and Max were looking at her expectantly while Beverly gave her an apologetic smile.

"What?" Y/N asked, her eyes narrowing in curiosity as she wondered what her friends were up to.

"So we've been talking to Beverly," Max began. "She was telling us some funny stories about you when we heard some interesting stuff and-"

"Tell us about you and Bill!" Eleven interrupted, her eyes shining with excitement as she clasped her hands together and tucked them under her chin.

Y/N's eyes widened. "Me and Bill? Wh-What about me and Bill?" she asked. "We're just friends."

Max and Eleven both gave each other a look before raising their eyebrows at their friend. "Come on. We can tell by the way you look at him that you like him. Just admit it," Max prompted.

"What?" Y/N asked, her voice high and her face a dark shade of red. "Me like Bill?"

"Friends don't lie. You like him, Y/N. Admit it," Eleven insisted.

Y/N blushed even more before burying her face into her hands. "Okay, I like him," she whispered, not looking up to watch as her friends let out squeals and began to whack each other.

"We knew it!" Max exclaimed. "Beverly already told us, but like, we knew it!"

Y/N lifted her head to glance over at Beverly who smiled sheepishly. "They did already know it," Beverly said.

"So it's that obvious?" Y/N asked with wide eyes filled with horror at the thought of Bill knowing that she liked him.

"To everyone but you two," Eleven said.

"Yeah, Bill's kind of oblivious," Beverly agreed. "I don't think he knows."

Y/N let out a small sigh of relief causing Max to raise an eyebrow. "Would it be so bad if he did?" the red head asked.

"I mean, I guess not," Y/N whispered as she looked down. She would love to be able to tell Bill how she felt, to let him know just how much he meant to her even if he didn't feel the same way.

"But," Beverly said, already knowing that wasn't all the girl had to say.

"What if it ruins our friendship? What if he doesn't feel the same way?" Y/N asked.

The three girls' mouths dropped open at the same time before they all laughed. "First of all, he does feel the same way. It's obvious just by the way he looks at you like you're an angel walking on this earth," Max said.

"Secondly, it won't ruin your friendship," Eleven told her.

"What they said. I'm pretty sure that even if you and Bill went south that you two would still be friends. You two have been close ever since you moved here, Y/N. He wouldn't be the type of person to push you away like that. Besides, I wouldn't let him and I'm sure El and Max wouldn't either," Beverly said.

"Yeah, we'd beat his ass," Max agreed while Eleven nodded her head in agreement.

Y/N chuckled and smiled softly at her friends. "Thanks. I love you all so much," she said causing Eleven, Max, and Beverly to smile before they pulled the girl in for a group hug.

When they pulled away, they thankfully let the topic of Bill drop. Max and Eleven began talking to Beverly about her hair again and about her relationship with Ben while Y/N slowly zoned out.

She let her eyes flicker over to Bill who was across the room still working on the maps and trying to fold them. As if sensing her gaze, his eyes flickered up and locked with hers. Y/N sent a small smile in his direction, but to her surprise he didn't even smile before he just looked down at the maps again.

Y/N blinked in surprise before quickly looking away with a sad look on her face, not noticing the way that Bill looked back up at her sadly after.

- - -

It was around eleven o'clock that night before Y/N heard Ben call out, "We'll see you in the morning, Y/N!"

The girl quieted down her laughter and looked away from Lucas and Wheeler and over to where Beverly and Ben were standing by the stairs. Y/N was quick to get up and she smiled as she made her way across the room to hug both Ben and Beverly.

At the sight of her smile and the fact that she had left her other friends just to hug him goodbye, Ben suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he realized how wrong he had been earlier for judging the girl and for complaining about her hanging out with her other friends.

"Night, guys. I'll see you in the morning," Y/N said before pulling away to look for the others. Her smile slowly disappeared once she realized that Richie, Eddie, Stan, and Bill were all gone.

"Where. . .where did the others go?" Y/N questioned as she looked to Ben and Beverly confused.

Ben looked down at his shoes before saying, "They all left a little bit ago. Bill went first and then Richie, Eddie, and Stan followed not too long after."

"Why?" Y/N asked, trying not to sound upset. "They didn't even start goodbye."

Ben didn't respond and Y/N frowned before saying, "Uh. . .I guess I'll see you guys in the morning, yeah?"

Beverly and Ben nodded with small smiles before turning to go up the stairs. "Bye, Y/N," the two called out before disappearing into the night.

Y/N kind of stood there for a moment after the door closed behind them, her thoughts racing as she tried to think of a reason for her friends' sudden departure. Had she done something wrong? Were they okay?

Hands on her shoulders made her jump slightly, but she instantly relaxed when she looked over her shoulder to see Steve standing right behind her. He titled his head slightly and gave her one of his warm smiles before asking with a hint of worry on his voice, "You okay, squirt?"

Y/N turned completely to face him before smiling softly and hugging the boy. She dug her face into his side and he wrapped his arms around her with no questions asked. Y/N was silent as she breathed in his scent, a small feeling of familiarity and her childhood washing over her.

"I'm doing good," she whispered, her heart warm due to the fact that her two friend groups had finally met and she had them both by her side. "I'll be better when Mike's home though. He's so sweet and kind. We like to go out to his farm sometimes and I'll help him with the animals. You're going to love him."

"As long as he's not like Trashmouth, I'm sure I will," Steve laughed making Y/N chuckle softly as she pulled away to look at the boy.

"Oh, Richie's not that bad. He can take things far and curse most of the time, but he's got a kind heart and he is probably one of the best people you'll meet once you really get to know him," Y/N said, a smile on her face as she talked about her friend.

"They all are in fact. I mean, you've got Stan who is easy to relate with. When he knows I'm having a bad day, he always takes me bird watching and doesn't pester me with what's wrong, only stays by my side so I'm not alone. Then there's Ben who is the sweetest little human being you'll ever meet. He's the boy that will go to the library all the time with me just to research random things."

"We've got Eddie who is practically the mother of the group sometimes. He cares about my health more than I do and is always making sure that I'm okay. There's a little hammock in one of the group's hang out spots and he'll always sit with me and we'll read comics together. Then you've got Beverly who's a total badass. I tell her practically everything and I swear she knows more about me than I do. Every Saturday morning, we take a break from the boys and will go out to breakfast and catch up."

"Finally, you've got Bill. He's the one that I'm closest to out of all of them. He was my first real friend and helped me a lot on my first day of school," Y/N said. She looked down and smiled fondly as she whispered, "I'll never be able to pay him back for what he's done for me." She was quiet for a second before looking up at Steve and saying, "He means a lot to me. They all do really."

Steve smiled softly at the girl as she rambled in about her friends, a warm feeling of relief washing over him as he realized that Y/N has been fine and loved over the past two years.

"You really care about those friends of yours, huh?" Steve asked, a knowing look on his face.

Y/N smiled fondly and nodded her head as she softly said, "They're my best friends. I would do anything for them just like I would for you guys."

Steve's smile grew slightly at that, thankful that Y/N had some pretty great friends by her side. Y/N smiled back before turning to check and make sure that the weapons and maps were ready. Once she knew that they were, she clapped her hands together once before saying to the Party, "Okay, now that we have a plan to head out after school tomorrow and everything is all set up. . .who wants to watch a movie?"

The Party all perked up at that. "Yes! Star Wars please!" Will exclaimed.

"What? No, let's watch Back to the Future," Dustin complained.

"I vote Star Wars," Max agreed.

"Me too," Lucas said.

"No, guys. Back to the Future all the way," Wheeler argued while Eleven nodded her head in agreement.

"Back to the Future's the one where the mom is trying to hook up with her son, right?" Steve asked.

"I mean that's not the point of the movie, but yes," Y/N said with a small laugh.

"Okay, I vote that one," Steve said.

"Sorry, Will. I've got to go with Back to the Future which means that Back to the Future wins," Y/N said making the boy pout. Y/N just gave him a small smile which he returned before she gestured towards the stairs that led up to her house. "I'll be back."

In just a matter of minutes, Y/N had sprinted upstairs and found the movie. She had received a call from her parents a few hours before about how they had a last minute business conference an hour away that they had to go to and would be gone for the next couple of days, so it was no surprise that no one was around when she was running around trying to find the movie.

Upon finding the movie, Y/N began to make her way towards the basement when she paused next to the phone. She stared at it in silence for a moment before setting the movie down, picking up the phone, and dialing the number that she knew by heart due to the many late night conversations she had with the person on the other end of the line.

"H-H-Hello?"

"Bill?" Y/N said. "It's Y/N."

"Oh. H-H-Hi, Y/N," Bill muttered.

Y/N frowned slightly, but shrugged it off. "I just wanted to call and see if you were okay. You left early, so I wasn't sure if something was wrong," she said.

"I'm f-f-fine," Bill replied, leaving his reply at that and his tone coming out colder and sharper than usual.

Y/N blinked in surprise before nervously chuckling, "Oh, okay. That's good. Why. . .why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

"I w-w-was just tired which I s-s-still am. I'll s-s-see you in the m-m-morning, okay?" Bill told her.

"Oh, okay. Um. . .goodni-" but before Y/N could finish what she asked saying, the boy had hung up. Y/N stood there in silence, her grip on the phone loosening slightly as tears began to fill her eyes. Swallowing thickly, the girl blinked rapidly to stop her tears before taking in a deep breath.

Bill is just tired, she reminded herself. He's not trying to be mean.

Once she had calmed herself down, Y/N put a smile on her face and bounded down the stairs of her basement to have a movie night with her friends. They had all passed out within an hour, Y/N with her head against Steve's side, her feet in Dustin's lap and Will's head on her stomach. Just below them on the floor were Wheeler and Eleven cuddled up together and Max and Lucas doing the same thing.

Y/N found herself looking around the group for a quick second as she drifted in and out of consciousness. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered the nights like these that they used to have before she left Hawkins. Nancy and Jonathan had been with them too and Joyce and Hopper had been the ones to cover them all with blankets while they slept.

So with her friends surrounding her, Y/N fell asleep with memories of Hawkins and her old life filling her head.

- - -

Y/N didn't know what to think when she woke up the next day to find that everyone in the Losers' Club except for Beverly weren't talking to her. Bill hadn't even been waiting for her that morning like he usually did before they rode to school together.

Everyone was either avoiding her like Bill was or being weird and looking uncomfortable around her like Eddie was. Y/N didn't know what she had done wrong, so she went through the day having no one but Beverly by her side.

Y/N almost felt bad for having chosen to wear Bill's jacket to school that day, a sinking feeling in her gut as she thought that maybe that was only making Bill more mad at her. Beverly wouldn't tell her why he or the others were and at her in the first place, so Y/N didn't even know how to fix anything.

This meant that when lunch rolled around, it was even quieter than usual. It was actually completely silent and not even Richie had some snarky thing to say. The group all just ate their food in silence with Y/N sparing sad glances in her friends' directions while Beverly glared at the boys, pissed at the way they were acting.

Y/N tried to strike up a conversation a few times, but it always received a one word answer in response before silence followed. After a while, Y/N gave up and most of the lunch period was spent with the boys staring at their meals while Y/N stared at them with a saddened and hurt expression.

It wasn't until everyone was getting ready to leave that Y/N let out a sigh and said, "Hey, I don't know what I did, but I just wanted to tell you guys thank you for being so nice to my friends last night."

This surprised the group and they all slowly looked up at her, finally allowing their eyes to lock on her face.

"Those guys mean about as much to me as you guys do and I've been wanting to introduce you all for so long. I really hoped you guys liked them. Anyway, I'm rambling, but I really appreciate it," she told them as she gave them all a small smile despite the tears that had begun to fill her eyes.

The group all stared at her in silence as the bell rang behind them, signaling that the lunch period was over. Y/N let out another sigh and stood up as she grabbed her things. "Uh. . .I'll see you guys later," she whispered before hurrying away from the table and out of the cafeteria, leaving the boys feeling guilty.

Beverly shook her head at the boys as she stood up. "You guys are ridiculous. Not only did you not give her friends a chance last night, but now you're punishing Y/N for talking to her other friends instead of you by ignoring her? I'm disappointed in all of you," she said.

Her eyes flickered over to Bill and they narrowed. "Especially you, Bill. We all know you care about her, so why the hell would you treat her the way that you have been? She told me about the phone call last night. She called to check and see if your dumbass was okay and you were rude and snippy with her before you had the audacity to hang up on her? What the fuck were you thinking?" she asked in disbelief.

"You all need to apologize to Y/N for the way you have been acting. She has talked so highly of you to the others and you all have done nothing but prove her wrong. There's no way we are going to be able to help Mike and defeat the Upside Down and It with you all sad and not thinking straight. So man up and go apologize before you lose her for real," Beverly spat before she angrily got up from the table and stormed out of the cafeteria, no doubt going to try and find Y/N.

"Did you see how upset Y/N looked when she left?" Eddie whispered, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he broke the moment of silence that had fallen over them after Beverly left.

"She looked like she was about to cry," Ben said just above a whisper.

"We did that," Stan muttered, his head bowed as he stared at his hands sadly.

"Fuck," Richie muttered as a feeling of intense guilt hit both him and the other Losers. "We messed up big time, boys."

Bill was silent as he stared at the doors Y/N had walked through only moments before. He hadn't been blind and had noticed her wearing his jacket today, the sight making his heart flutter. But as he looked from the door to the jacket that Y/N had secretly left behind on her seat for Bill was enough to make his heart break.

Richie was right. They had messed up.

They had messed up bad.

- - -

The final bell of the day made Y/N feel both relieved and scared. Relieved because she was finally going to be able to save Mike, but scared because she would have to go back into the Upside Down and she had a sinking feeling in her gut about what was going to happen.

She hadn't seen the guys for the rest of the day, but Beverly had made sure to always stick by her side. That's how the two ended up leaving the school together with their arms locked and small laughs escaping their lips as Y/N told Beverly about the time Dustin sang the song 'Never-Ending Story' with his girlfriend Susie over a walkie talkie system for everyone to see.

"I'm not even kidding," Y/N laughed. "Just picture it. Everyone is either being chased by the fucking Mindflayer or trying to save the world and I'm sitting there watching Dustin sing his heart out with Lucas' little sister by my side. It was hilarious!"

Beverly laughed so hard that she snorted. "I bet it was. I can't believe-" she began, but she trailed off once she saw Y/N smile disappear as she froze beside her. Beverly turned her head to see what Y/N was looking at and instantly frowned at the sight of the boys all standing by their bikes waiting for the two girls.

Beverly released Y/N's arm and Y/an glanced at her friends before looking away and walking over to her bike. "I'm surprised you all waited for me," Y/N said in a monotone voice as she approached her bike.

Eddie was the first to break and he sighed before saying, "We're sorry for the way we've been acting."

Y/N froze at that and rested her hands on her bike handles before looking up at the group. "What?" she asked, both her and Beverly staring at the boys in surprise. Although Beverly was smiling slightly due to the fact that the boys were finally apologizing after a long day of no one talking to each other.

"Yeah, the way we acted was unacceptable," Ben agreed. "And we're sorry for that."

"We. . .we were jealous," Stan admitted making Y/N blink in surprise.

"Jealous?" she asked confused.

"We were jealous of your other friends. We. . .we thought you were forgetting about us, that you didn't care about us like you did them. So we turned into a bunch of fucking jealous assholes and hurt you in the process," Richie sighed and the fact that he was speaking his feelings was enough to make Y/N realize how serious they were being.

"Guys. . ."she whispered sadly, hating that she made them feel like that. "I don't want you to ever feel like that, okay? I love you all so fucking much that it scares me sometimes to be completely honest. I've known you for what, two years now? I've known the others my whole life, so of course things are going to be a little different around them. But that does not mean I don't love and care about you guys any less. The Losers' Club is my family, you guys are my family. You're my life honestly and I wouldn't trade moving here for the world."

The Losers' all teared up a little at those words and Ben was the first to drop his bike to go over and hug Y/N. The girl chuckled and hugged the boy back while the others quickly came over to hug her as well. She hugged Eddie and Stan before hugging Beverly and Richie who held her the tightest.

The one thing about Richie was that he tried to act like he didn't care when he actually cared the most, so Y/N made a point to hug him back just as hard which made the boy dig his face into her shoulder as he held her.

Once she had hugged each of them, she pulled away to see Bill kind of standing there by himself. The two hadn't hugged or even spoken to each other yet and Y/N knew that their talk was going to be a little longer and more personal than the other. Bill must've known too because he glanced at his friends and gave them a pleading look as he said, "C-C-Can you all give us a m-m-minute?"

"Yeah," Beverly said. "We'll ride on ahead and you two can catch up, okay?"

Then, before the others could complain, Beverly pushed the boys to their bikes and they all began to bike away. That left Y/N and Bill standing there at the front of the school with their bikes by their side.

Y/N looked down at her feet before whispering, "You done ignoring me now?"

There was a beat of silence and she slowly looked up through her eyelashes only to have Bill rush forward and hug her, the action making both of their bikes fall over and hit the ground. Y/N's arms were out in surprise, but she didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around the boy, closing her eyes as she breathed in his scent.

"I'm s-s-sorry," Bill whispered into her ear as he practically cradled her head against his body. "I'm so sorry. I let R-R-Richie get to me and the w-w-way I acted around you was un-un-unacceptable. I mean, even that ph-ph-phone call was rude. You w-w-were just checking up on m-m-me and I hung up on you w-w-without even giving a r-r-reason. I didn't mean to h-h-hurt you and I'm so s-s-sorry for that."

"Why'd you do it? What did Richie say?" Y/N asked softly as she pulled away to look at the boy.

"What Richie said wasn't important," Bill told her, his head bowed. "It was what I told myself that got in the way."

"And what did you tell yourself?" she questioned.

"I-I-I thought I c-c-couldn't make you as h-h-happy as they could," Bill admitted. "Th-Th-That I would n-n-never make you as h-h-happy as they could."

Y/N's face softened at that and she furrowed her eyebrows as she lifted a hand up and placed it against Bill's cheek. "Bill, why would you think such a thing?" she asked, the disbelief evident in her voice.

"The w-w-way you laughed. . .the way you s-s-smiled. . .I'd never seen you l-l-look that happy," Bill muttered.

"Bill, that's not true in any way, shape, or form," she assured him. Y/N lovingly rubbed her thumb against his cheek before smiling softly at him.

"I'm my happiest when I'm with you."

Bill blushed at that, his eyes flickering over her face before he leaned forward and rested his forehead against her own. The two both let their eyes close as they enjoyed this moment, their arms holding onto each other while their foreheads touched.

"I r-r-really am sorry," Bill whispered, not opening his eyes.

Y/N smiled softly and opened her eyes long enough so that she could push herself up on her tip toes and press a kiss to Bill's cheek. He instantly leaned into her touch, his arm that was around her pulling her even closer to his body if that was possible.

"I forgive you," Y/N assured him once she had pulled away, Bill turning his face so that their noses brushed against each other and their eyes locked. Both of their faces were red and they were silent for a moment before Y/N smiled and said, "You should know better than to listen to Richie."

Bill chuckled softly and pulled away to press a small kiss to her forehead before he pulled away from her and went over to his backpack. "Yeah, p-p-probably not my s-s-smartest move," he said as he opened his backpack and pulled out his jacket. The same jacket that Y/N had in her possession only a few hours before.

Y/N's smile dropped slightly at the sight. "Oh, I should've told you that I was leaving it for you. I hadn’t meant to keep it so long," she told him, but the boy only smiled and walked over to her with it in his hand.

"I-I-I want you to w-w-wear it," Bill admitted, both of the teens' faces growing redder by the second.

"Really?" Y/N asked, her face lighting up slightly and a hopeful tone in her voice.

Bill nodded and Y/N smiled before turning around. Bill held the jacket up and she slid her arms into the sleeves before Bill put the jacket on her the rest of the way. She turned around and gave the boy a teasing smile.

"So how do I look?" Y/N asked as she struck a few poses for him, a giggle escaping her lips as she did.

Bill chuckled and smiled fondly at the girl. "Beautiful," he told her. "Just like always."

Y/N blushed slightly before going to grab her bike. She picked it up before sending a small smile in Bill's direction. "Come on, Bill. It's time to go save our friend," she said.

And with that, the two got onto their bikes and began to bike after their friends, Bill's eyes locked on Y/N and his jacket that was blowing in the wind behind her.

* * *

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