#we're moving past that now it was nice the first time we cant spin the block the second time for a little party trick christopher

[pureseasalt]

me personally i take anything as a win. the future is bright and the sky's the limit. today, a sydcarmy slow burn miscommunication angst fest. tomorrow, a sydcarmy pussy eating episode. the universe has set out its plans and it wants first and foremost for me to be happy

[baeddelicto]

MÆRA

(Older woman/boy(girl), v light gore, somno?, hypno?, idk i dint actually knw how to label writng mech?)

930 words

《Incubation in 3..2..1..》

*krxh* "Dont you fret hun, i know its daunting down there in that chamber but we're up here with sweaty palms too. Now the fluid is breathable and full of that sweet ambrosia so go ahead and take a breath, relax, and drift away" *khp*

She's right its always a crapshoot isnt it tryn sumthn new nd honestly this fluid hasnt even reached my mouth and i already feel better, less tense, floaty like a salt bath if it were the color and viscosity of dirty engine oil...

Smells sweet, ambrosia huh, hear goes... tastes sweet not that hard to move through my lungs actually, i wonder how lon....

■

"Slipped right past hypnogogia... hope that ain't the case on the flipside. Lower the serum dosage 20%."

"Yessir, entering stage 3......stage 4..... cresting, begining reentry, stage 3"

"Drop another 20. Shit boy slow down. He lied to you Doc."

"It would seem so."

"0 drinks a day my ass."

"We've reached hypnopompia sir."

"Atonia?"

"Yessir!"

"Hot Dog!"

■

Fuck, fuck why can't i talk? Shit somethings wrong w the fluid i cant move! What is-

"Hey sugar, im sure youre all worked up by now so im gonna remind you of earlier when i told you dont fret but um now im not gonna say that bc right now thats what you need. That fear got you real focused. And i need you to take that focus and push out. Focus on the edges of your vision and try to see past all that filth in that pit."

Oh its Jacinta...thats nice... i guess i should listen to her and do something other than freaking out. seems simple enough. Fuck i didnt think a dark room could spin this much. Dont hurl. No hurling. Pleass God. Wait how did Jacinta get in my-

Woah im outside.... That ridgeline its the Salspar Escarpment...

"There you go, Youre a natural kiddo! Now walk toward the escarpment keep your eyes on Salvor's Peak."

I can do that... heh mom always said i needed direction gues i got one. East by Southeast. Honestly one of the better directions westerly spring winds and the rings of Sarthis blaze violet in the afternoon sun. Oh fuck almost tripped that would have been embarassing Jacinta would hav- Why do my feet look so weird and my legs i look lik afucking bug! FUCK oh god wheres my dick?! Wheres my SkIN! FUCKFUKfuckFug I cant feel anything why didnt my knees hurt when i fall? My hands are tearing into my thighs but i cant feel it FUck im bleeding fuCk its everywhr fuck i-

■

"heyy kid how ya feeln?"

Jacinta whispers to me as she lightly brushes the hair out of my face. Her weight was flushing the mattress so that the side of my hip was pressed into hers. She clasps her hand to my brow then traces the half moon of my face to my cheek. Her raven hair glows a deep amber in the evening light streaming in from the window. She gave a crooked smile.

"You're burnin up bud. We gotta get some fluids in you..." She turns to a small table behind her, a messy plait spills over her shoulder and swishes over the small of her back. The rattle of paper on board heralds

"Petragua or citralyte?"

I nod to the petragua and she replaces the other and proffers my mouth a straw. She gazes down at me warmly as i suck down the plum-apricot-chem slurry. The infusion perks me up a bit.

"Alright now don't drain it dry. Don't want it coming back up all over my vest." She pulls it from my lips and i eek a short and quiet suckng sound that manages a full 5 seconds of embarrassment even though the sound was .3 seconds long.

"Kid ill be real with ya. You did great..exceptional even! Most of the time we dont even get to a stroll the first time we just... well its a whole lot more work on my end than what happened with you so i just wanted to say... im proud of you."

She squeezes my shoulder and feathers her hand to my cheek again.

"I know all this been hard on you and you've put in a lot of work before you even got in the pit and it payed off." She picks up the petragua again and hangs it in the air for a second.

"To all your work...and all of our work... and to your health." She sips some of it then positions it back towards me again. I slurp with even more energy this time.

"Having such a strong liminal drive link seams to really make a difference. Honestly i think you two should meet but we have to get clearance pfft its bullshit. How are you supposed to pilot together if you dont even know eachother? How are we supposed to figure out what this spark is that makes the liminal drive work if we never get to observe you interacting in a controled manner? I swear im gonna have a word-"

*slurpppppp* she pulls it from my face.

"Oh listen to me blathern on, you got another 18 hours til youre on rotation again. You can head back to your room whenever. Ill see you then ok? I just wanted to check in on you." And with that she rises, throws her vest on, and clacks and jingles out the door with a two finger wave lingering behind her with her plait.

[tiriansjewel]

find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

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1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming
You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”

Ah yes, the song everyone uses to commemorate bittersweet ends- it’s the perfect clincher for this playlist.

I hope you all enjoy listening!