#we're gonna have a real mess on our hands i guess

[flannelepicurean]

Also, TFW you tryna write something fluffy and cute about some blorbos finally getting around to admitting they're in love with each other, and being adorably super nervous about it, and you're like, "...now KIIISSSS." ◕‿◕

And they do...

But then they're like, "Oh shit, nah, this is HAPPENING, it is GO TIME, look away or get a poncho or do whatever you gotta do, it's about to get NASTY!"

And you're like, "But...what about the fluff...? WHAT ABOUT THE FLUFF, GUYS???"

And they're like, "BISH, START MIXIN GATORADE IN THE BATHTUB AND TRY TO KEEP UP!!! AND GRAB A FRICKIN MOP, MAYBE, WE DO NOT EVEN KNOW!!! HELL, MIX THE GATORADE WITH THE DAMN MOP, IT'LL SAVE TIME!!!"

And then you just weep tears of joy and clickety-clack away as fast as you can like, "u guise are the worst, i luh you so much, never change..." ✨💖😭💖✨

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Thailand is back in charge

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - There is so much to love about this pair. But one of the things I truly adore is what great communicators they are about what they want & need as friends & as lovers. As boyfriends? Not so much. But the way they can (and do and did) communicate speaks well to their ability to communicate in the future, once they have resolved the inevitable doom the BL gods will reign down upon us over the next 3-4 eps. I guess what I am say is... these two are gonna be awesome husbands.

The break up was sad but inevitable.

Yay for a crying kiss. I do so love a crying kiss! 

Can we talk about the fact that all that tension was worth it?

Excellent kiss all round from GreatInn. Possibly one of the best of the year. Their only issue in winning this category in 2024 is that they're up against OffGun, TayNew, and JimmySea, not to mention BillyBabe... and MosBank coming soon. But I gotta say, for a new pair? Fantastic work boys.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - I literally spent this whole show saying “Oh, Poor Joe!” Which is now the actual name of his character: Poor Joe. He's like the country music sad sack. How much is this narrative gonna keep kicking him while he's down?  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Star Hunter + MosBank + a beloved familiar face? You ready? Let's go. I got a lot to say.

Unexpected supernatural historical paranormal mythological Sign-esk elements happening in our dream sequence opening. I’m not mad about it. But I do think it’s going to be mishandled in the dubious hands of Star Hunter. My BLabies, no matter what else, with Star Hunter we can rest assured there will be chaos and narrative mess. And now, lucky us, there will be a supernatural mess. But at least it will be sexy and high heat.

Honestly, I'm not worried about MosBank and I know what to expect from Star Hunter,. So we're all on the same page.

Meanwhile, enter a cute side couple (normal for this studio). WAIT a second I know that face! That's Tenon of PitchBank fame (side couple, and only good thing about, Golden Blood). I’m sad to see his pair busted, but delighted to see him pop up again in a BL.

Tenon appreciation time: He kisses beautifully everyone, and he is a killer eye-emoter. We are in for a real treat with this actor. (Especially if we get to a place in the narrative where he pines. OH PLEASE MAKE HIM PINE.)

Okay back to the show. I love Tenon but I also LOVE his infiltrating, wicked smart, younger brother character. This role is great for him. I adore an industrial spy. I enjoy a rich boy pretending to be an intern in his family's company (yes it's a trope, just not common in BL). Excellent work Thailand. No notes.

In conclusion?

It’s a cheesy silly office BL and I am enjoying it immensely because I have no expectations. So don't burst my bubble. Star Hunter is bound to do that on its own without tumblr's help.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 11 of 16 - Oh my God they are all so cute! I love the beginning bit when Peem was feeling down and Phum tried to cheer him up. Ridiculously charming. All the sides were super adorbs too. The actual name of this show is "We Are Cute". Meanwhile, Kluen = the only boy in a BL ever to take his unfinished drink with him? I like him even more now. 

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - New take on the umbrella trope to be trapped under a parasol together. NO SINGING. Honestly? I am not loving this as much as I really wanted to love it. It's the middle of the rankings for good reason. I do like the idea of historical Cinderfella BL though. Why isn't that what I'm watching? The play with in a play is a dangerous trope to deploy, it only distracts my with attractive possibilities. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - I'm gonna try to cycle back to ending this rap-up week on Saturdays, which means the recap for this episode will be in next week's weekly (so to speak). Meanwhile, I am doing a Trash watch on this show. Hopefully that will get updated tomorrow.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - It’s fun enough. Kind of a pulpy lark. Best + Seng = a surprisingly good match.

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - Good kiss from the sides. No surprises there. The main’s kissing was fine too, I guess. I like that they had a genuine struggle with being an idol and not being able to date. It’s nice to see that depicted on screen in a BL. I wish we had a bit more of a montage around the rise & success of Moo's boy group. But I understand the money in play for this kind of show prohibits that. All in all? It’s fine. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - Oof. This ep was painful. So much awkward desperation and confusion. Oh Japan, must you?

Crazy to be in a place and time where there is no other noted non-Thai BLs airing. Not even from Korea. What is going on? Are we in 2020 all over again? Please no.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing. I've put the search on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down. Also, who knew Frank & Big could kiss like that? Not me.

ARGH could Monster Next Door please just start airing. I am SO tired of waiting for Big to lead out a BL. It should have happened years ago. *grumbles in chronic second lead syndrome*

In case you missed it

Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1 ans was meant to drop yesterday. We thought maybe Gaga, but nothing so far.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution.

As others see us: NuNew's 'Awful' Performance in BABYMONSTER's 'SHEESH' Goes Viral - I don't like BL being noticed by Kpop stans. I flipping LOATHE this song and I'm not wild about Babym. This is all 'round uncomfortable making and I want it to stop.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases Still Coming

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds Gaga) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

6/26 I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) 10 eps - A new series adaptation of beloved yaoi I Hear the Sunspot (first adaptation was feature film Silhouette of Your Voice 2017).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Forget "boyfriends but they don't realize it." These two are married but they don't realize it.

Praise be, he didn't leave his full drink behind. BEST BOY.

It was a great make out sesh.

THAT LIP BITE.

All round excellent ep this week, We Are Cuties.

Top tier flirting banker from the fuck buddies though. Man, their innuendo is on point. And I do mean that point. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[archangeldyke-all]

Something with like cellmate prisoner!sevika?! 😭😭😭 idk I just think like her being all dangerous and powerful, having a shit ton of friends but like selectively, no one messing with her maybe even hating how just mean she is. And then comes in reader and yk. I’d love if the story was smutty but u can chose ofc 🫦

i love this so much

men and minors dni

living in zaun is shit. but the one thing that's always kept you and a majority of your fellow citizens in line, was the ever-looming presence of stillwater prison just a few miles away. you've watched countless people enter those prison walls. you know very few who ever came back out.

and now, through a series of unfortunate events that lead to you assaulting an undercover enforcer, you're going to find out first hand just how horrible stillwater really is.

you don't think you've ever been so nervous in your life as the enforcer guides you-- restrained and already hating the itchy fabric of your new life-long uniform--down a long, long hall of cells.

he's chewing a wad of bubblegum, casually, like you aren't about to piss yourself with nerves. "listen kid." he says, looking you up and down. "i read your file. seems like you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." he says, shrugging. "no prior arrests, clean record-- honestly i'm surprised they sent you here, but i guess you did break marcus' nose." the enforcer chuckles here.

"you know that asshole?" you ask. the man guiding you snorts.

"'s my boss." he mumbles. beside you, a prisoner lunges at the bars of their cell, screaming at you. you jump, and the guard laughs. "as i was sayin'-- you seem like a real peach. like you'd be a good influence on some of our... rougher prisoners." he mumbles.

dread starts to curl in your stomach. you have a pretty good idea of where this conversation is headed, and you don't like the outcome. you just hope you aren't cellmates with someone real bad: like genie the counter-fitter who got caught two years ago; esmee the weapons expert who successfully set an entire square block of piltover's wealthiest neighborhood ablaze; or, god forbid, sevika.

she'd been caught just weeks ago, smuggling an entire airship's worth of shimmer into piltover's loading docks. it was big fucking news.

sevika's a big fucking deal.

and you want absolutely nothing to do with her.

which is why, of course, the guard pulls you to a stop right outside of the only cell with a light on, the low, dim glow of a reading lamp and the quick flickering light of a lighter. you feel like you're gonna barf.

sitting in the shadows of the cell, puffing on a hand-rolled cigarette, sits sevika, silco's second in command.

if he's the eye of zaun, she's the arm. he might be watching-- but she's doing. she's nothing but bad news; everything you've tried your best to avoid while living in the undercity.

well, look how well that turned out for you.

"sevika, meet your new cellmate." the enforcer calls out. a pair of silver eyes snap up from her book and lock on yours. you shiver.

"fucks' wrong with her?" she mumbles. you gulp.

"nervous, i'd assume. 's her first-offense." the guard says. he shoves you into the cell and you jump as the bars slam shut behind you. "you ladies have fun." he says, before turning and walking away, the smacks of his gum echoing behind him.

sevika inspects you from her chair.

"how'd you fuck up so bad you ended up in a cell with me from your first offense?" she asks, seemingly intrigued.

"punched an undercover enforcer." you whisper. sevika's eyebrow hitches up, a little amused.

"yeah?"

"think his name was marcus, or something." you mumble. she sputters.

"ha! really!?" she asks, a little smile growing on her face. you nod. she takes a drag off her cigarette, then points at the bunk beds. "i get bottom. don't go thinkin' 'cause we're cellmates it means you get to touch my shit. i got people outside pullin' big favors for met to get shit like this." she gestures to her cigarettes and lamp. you nod. "don't look so nervous. i won't bite unless you piss me off."

you try to stop shivering. you don't succeed. "s-sorry."

she studies you for a moment, her smile growing as she does. though she's no longer armed with shimmer, her arm's still in perfect working condition, five little daggers gently tapping on the table top as her eyes dart across you. "you from the lanes?" she asks. you nod. she snorts. "you know who i am?" she asks. you nod again. she chuckles, then stands. she approaches you, circling around you like you're prey, then chuckling and leaning back against the table, crossing her arms over her chest. "you scared'a me?" she asks.

"shouldn't i be?" you choke out.

it seems to be the right answer. sevika laughs, then sits back down at her table, picking her book back up, chuckling intermittently for minutes after.

she's not a bad roommate. she's surprisingly tidy, always quiet, her nose usually buried in a book. she smokes like a fucking chimney, and you've come to find she gets her tobacco-- and sometimes a bit of weed-- from one of the guards every tuesday night.

she's got special privileges among most of the guards. they're always sneaking her books and flasks, letting her get away without cell-searches, letting her read past lights out and have lighters and screwdrivers and other dangerous, weapon-like tools.

you, on the other hand, do not have these privileges. and, keeping in line with sevika's one and only rule, you don't touch her shit. all of this means that while sevika smokes and works on her arm and reads and works out, you spend your time just... sitting on the top bunk. watching her.

sometimes, during open cell time, she gets visitors. you're surprised that none of these visits end in shady dealings-- sevika doesn't seem to need to trade her stash of goods for anything. most of her visits are quick, and most end the same way: a small scrap of paper being shoved in sevika's hand.

she burns the scraps after she reads whatever's on them.

she's... pleasant, sometimes. it's rare, but it happens. one day, you'd forgotten to make your bed before you went to breakfast. you returned to find it neatly made, and when you thanked her for helping you avoid trouble with the guards, she had just waved it off. "don' get used to it. i won't always be here to fix your mistakes."

once, a fight broke out while you were in the showers. you were sent back to your cell soaking wet-- your hair still lathered in shampoo. she had chuckled, called you a "wet rat", and helped you rinse your hair out in the tiny sink in your cell.

and... she's kinda pretty. it occurred to you one evening while the two of you were partaking in your nightly routine: sevika reading in her chair while you study her, pretending to sleep. she'd glanced up at you and whispered. "why're you always lookin' at me?"

you shrugged, then nearly choked on your tongue when 'you're pretty' almost slipped out of your mouth. "uh... i got nothing else to look at." you'd ended up saying. she seemed to accept this.

"you don't have any prison girlfriends?" you ask. sevika's in a particularly jovial mood today: the note she'd been delivered earlier in the afternoon must've had great news. she's decided to share her joint with you. the question slipped out the second you took your first puff-- your tolerance astronomically low from being without for so long.

sevika laughs. "nah."

"but..." you cut yourself off before you get yourself in trouble, biting your lip. sevika chuckles, then nudges your leg.

"y' can say it." she says. you smile at her, then speak.

"it's just... i had a few friends who work at babette's." you say. "i figured you'd have as much of a reputation here as you do there."

she takes a second, tilting her neck side to side as it cracks, then sighing. "i got shit to do in here." she says simply. you raise an eyebrow at her, biting your lip again, and she chuckles. "say it." she demands again.

"you just read all day." you laugh. sevika nods.

"i'm... working." she says. you just nod along, pretending you understand what she's alluding to.

it happens in the strangest way but you and sevika start to become... friends.

she sits alone at lunch, and you sit alone too, on the oppisite side of the cafeteria. but you're so used to looking at sevika, that you find yourself watching her even when there are much more entertaining things to look at, like the handful of fights that break out every meal.

you notice she loves the jello cups you guys get once a week. so you pocket yours and toss it at her later that night. the way she smiles lights up the room even brighter than her tiny lamp. you make it a habit.

she starts loaning you her books, finds you a crate to sit on by her table while you guys read together at night.

and when sevika gets jumped in the middle of the night-- you don't even question it before you jump out of your bunk, grab sevika's screwdriver where she left it on the table, and start swinging in the dark, blindly.

"what the fuck?" someone squawks when you manage to stab something in the dark.

"what?" sevika whispers in the dark.

"sevika, your bunkmate fucking stabbed me!" her attacker's voice rings out.

a light flicks on. you cringe at the sudden brightness, then blink in confusion as sevika and a guard with a screwdriver sticking out of their shoulder stare at you.

sevika's grinning. the guard is scowling. you hold your hands up in shaky fists, preparing for a fight. sevika chuckles.

"relax, sweetheart." she says, swinging her arm around you and tugging you into her side. "ran's a friend." she whispers into your ear. you blink at the bleeding guard, then back at sevika.

"so, what, we're taking your girlfriend with us now?" the guard-- ran-- asks. sevika looks at her friend, then looks at you, a calculating look in her eye. she smirks, shrugs, then looks back at the guard.

"she threw herself between me and a uniform-- can't just throw that kinda loyalty out, now can i?" she asks, smiling.

you don't know what's happening. you're about to ask-- when suddenly you black out.

the first thing that comes back to you is your sense of hearing.

voices.

"sevika, fuck, you can't just throw a wrench in the plan like this--"

"i can do whatever the fuck i want--"

"on the night of the breakout?! no heads up!?"

"do i need to remind you which one of us is second in command, here?!"

"...fuck. c'mon, help me load her in the van."

the next thing is your sense of touch. you're laying on the rumbling cold steel of a van floor-- currently in motion.

you're shivering, but then something warm and wool and smelling like cigars is draped over you.

you're head keeps bumping uncomfortably with every crack in the road. someone gently picks your head up and puts it in their warm nap, a hand coming down to scratch your scalp.

your voice comes next. "mmmh?"

"it's okay." sevika's voice comes. you groan, cracking your eyes open, only for her face to be grinning down at you. "fuckin' maniac." she giggles.

"wha?" you groan. you're seeing double, your head is pounding.

"ran knocked you out. 's what you get for stabbin' 'em." sevika chuckles. "but, you're lucky, 'cause they don't hold a grudge. they helped me lug your ass outta stillwater."

"wha?!" you ask again, snapping up. sevika laughs as you look out the front window of the van-- the depths of piltover surrounding you as you head, presumebly, to the last drop.

you recognize the man driving-- a tall, muscular, tattooed man who'd recently been added to your cell block's guard rotation. in the passengers' seat sits the guard you'd stabbed-- bandaged and watching you with amusement.

"wha's happenin'?" you mumble, looking back at your cellmate as you clutch a hand to your throbbing head. you've been shrouded in a red cloak-- sevika's already out of her prison uniform and back in her 'second in command' look. she smirks at you.

"y' really think i was jus' sittin' around, servin' my time?" she asks. you shrug.

"figured somethin' was goin' on. y' kept gettin' those notes. didn't wanna ask." you groan. sevika chuckles.

"well, you shoulda. or i shoulda warned you, so you didn't try killing my crew." she chuckles. you blink over to the person in the passengers' seat, cringing.

"s-sorry." you mumble. they wave it off.

"'s cool. knocked you right the fuck out, didn't i?" they chuckle. "we're even."

you turn back to sevika. "you broke me out of prison?" you ask. she shrugs.

"'re you mad about it?" she asks. you gawk at her.

"uh... just... a little surprised?"

sevika cackles. you smile at the sound, despite your headache. "i wasn't plannin' on it! then you started givin' me your jello, 'n readin' all my books, 'n..."

"she's got a crush on you." ran fills in from the front.

"i didn't say that!" she shouts.

"she's not denying it though--" the man driving teases.

you choke on your spit. sevika huffs, rolls her eyes, and speaks. "i... i kinda got a crush on you, yeah." she mumbles. "and i swear i'm not sayin' this jus' 'cause i think you're cute but: you should really stay with us at the last drop until things calm back down, since, y'know... you're kinda wanted now..." she says, rubbing the back of her neck.

you blink... shocked.

you don't really know what to think. you tried your whole life to stay out of trouble, and it managed to find you anyways in the form of a drunken under-cover enforcer deciding to smack your ass when you'd had too many drinks to hold your punches. you tried to stay out of trouble in stillwater until you were saddled with sevika. you tried to stay out of trouble with her until she dragged you-- literally, you were unconscious!-- out of prison along with her. it seems like trouble's meant for you.

but if there's one thing you're certain of, it's sevika.

you smile at her, then reach up to cup her cheek. she looks more nervous than you've seen her in all your months in stillwater together.

"you gotta crush on me?" you ask. she gulps.

"i'd say it's a little more than a crush seeing she broke you outta stillwater as your first date--"

"ran!" sevika hollers. you chuckle.

"is this our first date?" you ask, raising your eyebrow at her. she shrugs.

"it's... jus' don't expect the next dates to be this exciting." she chuckles, rolling her eyes. you grin, then dart forward and press a kiss to her lips. when you pull away, she's wearing that same nervous look again.

"you okay?" you whisper. she licks her lips, nuzzles a bit against your hand on her face, and nods.

"'m just kickin' myself for not puttin' the moves on you sooner. coulda been fuckin' you to pass the time in prison instead of readin' all those boring books." she mumbles. you burst into laughter, and she grins.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub

[anakinsgirlfriendreal]

Ghostface! Sam

Masterlist

ACT 1

Characters are high school seniors, so 18.

Warnings: foul language, murder, blood, sam's super obvious, use of y/n, maybe some spelling errors.

You sat on the table out in the school yard, looking on as some reporters and police officers conducted brief interviews with anyone who'd entertain them. Sam sat on the bench, leaning back between your legs.

Jake shakes his head, "can you believe it? Our town's got its own serial killer."

You scoff, "the guy's hardly serial it was two people and he didn't even have the balls to do it bare faced, I mean a mask? Fucking pussy."

"Yeah but there could be more, I mean he killed people we knew, one of us could be next," Sam shrugged, looking up at you.

"Don't be an ass." You smack the back of his head and he laughs.

"Who do you guys think did it?" Jake asks looking around the group.

"My bet's on Jared, Stacy's ex. He never got over her." Amanda shrugs.

You shake your head, "no way, look at him. He's a mess," you nod towards Jared who was speaking tearfully with a reporter. "Besides he loved her, why would he kill her, though that would be pretty good motive 'if I can't have you, no one can' but my guess is it's whoever she'd stolen Randy from or some one of the other thousand people in this school she pissed off."

Jake laughs, "oh man, I forgot you're into this shit. Your girl's a freak Sammy" he nudges Sam, you roll your eyes.

Sam shakes his head, a hand running up your calf, "we should get to class, see you guys later...or not." He smiles, getting up and draping his arm over your shoulders, leading you away.

That afternoon, Sam dropped you at your house after school, promising to spend the night cause he didn't want you to get hurt, you know with a masked freak running around killing people and all.

You sigh, dropping your backpack on the floor, your parents were out of the country, as usual, God bless diplomats. You shrugged off your jacket and stripped down to just to your tan top and underwear because the place was so darn hot, settling on the couch, preparing to watch however many episodes of Criminal Minds your brain could handle.

You're invested in an episode about someone making real people into dolls when your phone rings, startling you. Assuming it was your boyfriend you picked up. "Hey"

"Hello Y/n" the voice on the other end sounded raspy and distorted, like the one the news reporters had described.

You assumed it was Sam pulling your leg, "Haha very funny Sam."

"This isn't Sam, you stupid bitch!"

You're taken aback by the sudden outburst, silence on your end.

"Oh what's the matter sweetheart? You scared of a 'pussy in a mask'?" The killer mimicked your earlier words.

You swallow, "What the hell do you want?"

"I wanna play a game."

"yeah? What game is that?" You ask warily.

"We're gonna play some horror trivia, I know you love scary movies. Here are the rules, I ask three questions, you get them right and I won't carve up your sweet little boyfriend, that sound good?"

"Fuck you, if you hurt him-"

"You'll what? Kill me" the voice laughs, you feel nervous tears roll down your cheeks.

"First question, you have five seconds. What was the name of the killer in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Five-"

"Leatherface" you cut him off.

"Very good Yn."

You feel relief wash over you.

"Second question, Which movie did the kid die in the sewer? Five four-"

"IT"

"Very nice- I love those panties by the way, black's your colour"

Fear fills you, looking around hastily you click the alarm system on your phone, locking the doors and windows. "What?" Your voice trembles.

"Final question and I want you to think very carefully about this one y/n..."

You try to steady your breathing.

"Did you just lock me in or out?"

You panic running to the kitchen to grab a knife, the alarm system disarms and a sob escapes you, as you turn it on again, only for it to be turned off again, you back yourself into the wall, too shocked and panicked to even think of hiding. You watch as the front door knob jiggled, quiet sobs escaping you, holding the knife firmly.

You're about to charge blindly when the door opens, dropping the knife when you realize it's just Sam.

He looks both confused and alarmed when he sees your condition,"baby are you okay?"

You hold onto him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder. He rubs your back holding you close, he kisses your head, "it's okay, it's okay I got you. It's alright"

You sat on the couch watching him barricade the doors and make sure the windows were secure. "I'll be fine."

"You're not fine, you were scared and crying and that son of bitch threatened you." He sat next to you on the couch, your hand finds its way into his dyed hair.

"I just- thank you" you smile, he kisses your lips.

You're silent for a moment staring at the tv, when a thought crosses your mind. "You know, he said- he said, 'are you scared of a pussy in a mask' how would he know I said that?...Unless he was there" you mused. Sam looks unphased.

"Don't over think it you'll go insane," His hand travels up our thigh, planting a kiss on your lips and down your neck.

"maybe, he's one of our friends."

He laughs, "You think the killer is one of our friends? No way, Jake throws up in bio when we have to dissect a frog,Riley's a moron and Amanda well, she's not very bright."

He's on top of you now, positioned between your legs. You smile, "and you?" You meant to tease.

He smirked, "Oh baby, I'm interested in rearranging your guts in only one way."

You laughed, pushing his face away from you, "You're such an idiot, who says that."

His smiles, dipping his head down to kiss your neck, his hand creeping into your panties.

The next morning at school, when you and Sam arrive the reporters are there again, you squint, the bright sun in your eyes.

"Why are they here again?" You ask. Amanda pulls you into a hug.

"Babe, I'm so happy you're alive, good thing Sam got there or that could've been you."

You and Sam look at each other, "What could've been me?"

Riley puts his arm over Amanda's shoulder, "Principal Reed, he got attacked last night. He died on the way to the hospital, his daughter found him too late."

"What the fuck, and they're sure it's the same guy?" You grimace.

"They're pretty sure, small town three murders already. It's likely," Amanda interjects.

You take a deep breath, "Son of a bitch. I actually liked Principal Reed, he was a nice man."

Sam smiled, looking at you. "At least we know you're not the killer."

You roll your eyes, "yeah yeah I'm going to class."

Amanda shoves a flyer in your hand before you could walk away, "Halloween party Friday night at my place-you know memorial for the dead or what not, you better come."

You chuckle, of course she'd use any opportunity to party. "There's a killer on the loose, running around in a mask, just carving people up and you think it's a good idea to gather as many people as possible in one place and get them all drunk?"

She begs, "come on, it'll be fun, and gathering is safer than you sitting at home basically waiting for this psycho to come gut you...for real this time."

Sam takes the flyer studying it, "Party sounds good."

[promptcontainmentzone]

FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS SENTENCE STARTERS. warnings for: guns, violence, death, murder.

What in the goddamn…?

Let's keep this in the groove, hey? Smooth moves, like smooth little babies...

Baby, the odds may look long, but that's just because we ain't done rigging them. I won't toss the dice until we are.

Look, I ain't a harbor for illusions. I ain't expecting to get out of this shin-dig alive.

Can you spell detention? I'll tell you how I spell it: DEATHtention.

You are in the LIBRARY. Be quiet here and filled with SHHHHH.

I am lord of this institution. Where once, long ago, I was a student here. Now, I am its OMNIPOTENT GOD-PRINCIPAL.

______, you're about to have your FAVORITE treat - a VISITOR. Won't that be nice? DON'T eat the visitor, boy. Don't. Please.

What YOU ask is of NULL importance! _____ besieges us, there are more important things to worry about than DATA and FACTS!

ENOUGH! Stop filling my precious brain cell units with irrelevant data!

And… I wonder why it didn't hit me before, until I saw that memory in your hands.

How gracious of you. A mannerly killing.

Can't have brains moving around of their own volition.

In short: Brains, a heart, and courage... spine. I think there was a story once where a band of murderous thugs sought these things.

The ghosts aren't real? That changes everything.

Baby, this little reunion of ours? Chalk me up as a no-show.

I'm familiar with the care and handling of explosives.

How hard can it be? Just light them and throw.

I'd love to debate you on this, but there's no time.

No way. I'm not going to torch myself for your amusement.

It would be pretty funny, wouldn't it? Oh, don't look at me that way. I'm sure you'll be fine.

_____ is dead - what a mess you've made!

There will be no repeat of the trouble we had last time, I trust?

Even now? On the brink of battle?

You'll need a disguise, then. Or overwhelming firepower. Whatever works.

You must be, like… a brain in a jar!

Frontal assaults on casinos? Not good for business.

You have an interest in this even if you're too stupid to know it. If you have an interest in breathing, you have an interest in this.

They have no idea what other cards I'm holding. It's a strong hand, believe me - I dealt it to myself.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It'd be like them to keep paperwork.

I don't have friends here.

We'll kill more with two of us.

You only trust strangers?

Besides. I was on break when it happened.

I want you to find something out for me. I don't know if there's anything to find, but I need someone to try.

Gonna be hard covering you when I can't move my legs.

Goddamn it! Don't sneak up on me like that. What do you want?

Let me aim that for you next time.

You're hiding something. Spit it out. You owe me.

You got no right asking me that. Drop it.

It's just something I'm not ready to discuss. With you or anybody.

That part of my life is over now. So is this discussion.

Must've been one hell of a miscommunication.

Yeah, well. That's how they wrote it up in the report.

Life has a way of punishing you for the mistakes you make. Big enough mistake, punishment can take a while.

You're like a switchblade stuck on flick.

Shhhh… we're hunting shitheads.

All this planning won't matter much when the bullets fly, anyway.

No sense trying to hold the past between your fingers when it's nothing but dirt.

That fucking monument outside?

Started? Took to it like a fish to water... well, if you know what a fish is.

What the hell is a fish?

They're like birds, except they stay underwater.

Anyway, I've seen pictures. One guy even had one above his bar in Redding, except it was made of Pre-War plastic.

Greetings, _____. The disappointment you are about to experience delights me.

Can I order room service?

Am I punching too much? I get carried away.

You mean like this melee weapon right here in my hand at this very second?

Are you talking to me, or a future _____ who is not already doing that?

He always does what he feels is right. Usually that's a great quality.

Sure, I left them. But that didn't mean I'd ever be free of them.

We always make enemies, never allies.

Hold on. I see something I want to punch.

But at least I got the chance to try. At least I know for sure that there was nothing I could do.

Wow, _____ is looking for you, huh? What do you think he wants? Bowling partner?

But… you don't have a "this is good news" expression on your face.

Well, welcome, then. I'm _____. I live in a hole in the ground.

Well that shouldn't be a problem for me. I can't afford anything like that.

I've heard they shoot lasers from their eyes.

I just kind of drift from place to place.

I'll be honest. You're the first person I've run across out here that looks like she can really handle herself.

Aw, you really know how to make a girl feel like a stray cat.

He was dead when I got there.

This better not be about the meaning of life.

Damn, son, you look like ten miles of bad road.

Are you following me?

I saved your life so I kinda feel responsible for you is all.

I'll let that slide seeing how you gotta mind full of vengeance for that no-good polecat and all.

Yup, but this is getting a might embarrassing - people are going to start to talk.

That's a puzzle, all right. I'm sure it's nothing.

What in tarnation was you thinkin'?

I'll thank you not to touch my plunder.

Meaner than a rattlesnake, ain't ya?

To the Bone Orchard you go!

Seems they made like a ghost.

Won't help you none to lay low.

The Boss is pretty clear on this. I can't let you in unless you're by your lonesome.

You did a super job wrapping things up! And I'm not just saying that because I have to!

Here's a print-out with some additional information!

What? Did you expect me to applaud your efforts to support a deranged warlord?

That wig is going to haunt my nightmares. Seriously.

That one… had a little kick to it. The poisonous kind of kick.

Ahh, that feels better. I might not die for a while yet.

Am I dead? Is this Heaven? Oh. Hi _____. Guess not.

Will the medical wonders of the post-apocalyptic world never cease?

Back to the tomb, I suppose. If you need me, et cetera.

Strange how dead bodies appear wherever you go.

As the old saying goes, two's company, but three's a small army. Okay, I'm paraphrasing a bit, but you get the idea.

Wait, wait, wait a second. What's going on? Am I playing Vergil to your Dante?

I've woken up worse places. Not many, though.

That's sounding dangerously close to a plan, _____.

Alrighty then, I'll just head out. Alone. By myself. Into the dangerous wastes.

If I buy it out there, I want twelve mariachi bands playing at my funeral. A medal might be nice, too.

I'm not exactly a mercenary, but taking out scumbags of this magnitude wouldn't cause me to lose any sleep.

Why don't you make like Odysseus and get lost?

For as lack of adornment is said to become some women, so will this place, without your presence, bring delight.

I've run out of witty ways to tell you to leave, so why don't you just go?

[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Discernment of Heaven and Earth - 9

(Unproofread)

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Koga: Oiiii, how long’re ya gonna keep chit-chattin for?

Koga: What about the recordin’? When’s that gonna start?

Keito: Oh, Oogami. Did Anzu come with you?

Souma: Have the two of you come to cheer for us?

Koga: Wonder if it counts as cheerin’, but it’s more like somethin’s naggin’ at me… Y’know you guys’ve been talkin’ my ears off about your troubles even though I never asked right?

Koga: I guess I just had to know how it turned out after hearin’ about the whole saga, ‘cause I was startin’ to lose sleep over it.

Souma: Fufu. ‘Tis far from an admirable motive, Oogami-dono.

Koga: It’s not like it’s anythin’ I gotta apologize for though. But really, are you guys doin’ alright?

Koga: From what I heard as a bystander, ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ was this landmine of a show in big trouble, right?

Koga: Is it even possible for things to work out?

Keito: Of course. There’s no need for you to worry, Oogami, though as you already know—

Keito: I’m the kind of man that always, eventually, somehow, finds a way by the end of it all.

Koga: Hmph. That bein’ said, you still failed a bunch and made loads of mistakes.

Keito: No matter how many times I fail, I won’t give up, and as long as I keep trying I can make it work eventually. You can do anything you put your mind to.

Koga: I see. Things must seriously be tough for Kiryu-senpai and Zakki, I feel real sorry for them.

Souma: Heheh. Are you envious, Oogami-dono? ♪ 

Koga: Haaah? Did ya even hear what I just said?

Kuro: Calm down now…… Oogami had a point. Honestly, we haven’t done anythin’ to solve the problem yet.

Keito: We're going to begin the process of bringing this mess to a swift resolution, starting now.

Keito: Or rather, that’s what the prototype version of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth R’ is for.

Koga: What’s the ‘R’ stand for?

Keito: It stands for whatever you’d like, from ‘remake’, to ‘restart’, to ‘revolution’.

Souma: Incidentally, the ‘taitoru’ and costume ‘dezaeen’ were created under the supervision of Nobunaga-sensei, who has much proven experience in the field.

Souma: The most comprehensible way in which to convey that ‘a change has occurred’ is through the changing of the ‘taitoru.’

Keito: There was also a proposal to change the title from ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ to ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth ! ’ If that show ended up being remade too, another ‘!’ would be added, making it ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth ! !’, and so forth.

Kuro: Hard to tell the difference with that one.

Keito: Yes. So in addition to updating the title and costume design to be in line with newer trends, naturally, we’ve updated the contents as well.

Keito: The biggest change would be our role, the host.

Keito: In the old version of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, the host did as any host would, confined to the studio, merely asking the experts for their opinions—

Keito: Basically, all the host did was keep the discussion going.

Keito: However, in this reincarnated edition of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, that is to say, ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth R’, we as the hosts will be taking a more active role.

Keito: As ‘Spirits of Light’ dispatched from the heavens, we’ll cross space and time to experience various historical events first-hand.

Koga: Hold on. There were a buncha words in there that sounded like nonsense to me, whaddya mean by ‘the heavens’?

Keito: The set-up hasn’t been completely clearly defined yet, but please think of heavens in a vague sense, as a world where gods and Buddhas reside.

Keito: These gods and Buddhas have lived there since time immemorial, watching over us humans. This is the setting.

Keito: However, due to the accumulation of disasters like war, pollution, epidemics, and the like, they foresee that the world that we humans live in is destined to die in the near future.

Keito: In order to prevent such a miserable end, the gods and Buddhas sent us, ‘Spirits of Light.’

Keito: We travel through time and involve ourselves in various historical events.

Keito: Then, we correct everything that went wrong over the course of history, and set humanity back on the right path— That’s the set-up.

Koga: Uh, somethin’ seems kinda fishy.

Keito: Yes, I’m well aware that this sort of cold-hearted language sounds like what Eichi might say in a speech.

Keito: However, having just been born, we ‘Spirits of Light’ have no reason to doubt this development principle.

Keito: So we actively try to intervene in history. For example, we’d try and prevent tragic events from occurring.

Keito: But ultimately, for the most part, our actions change nothing, and when they do, they lead to even more suffering.

Keito: During all of this, we ‘Spirits of Light’ begin to change through our interactions with various historical figures.

Keito: We begin to question if we’re doing the right thing.

Keito: And we begin to think about what history actually is.

Keito: We think, “Is it really okay to tamper with and distort the shape of it by force?”

Keito: In the midst of this, forces who are also trying to change the course of history appear and oppose us.

Keito: Questions begin to arise, and we start to wonder if perhaps the destruction of the world will be brought about by the heavens attempting to manipulate humanity to suit their will.

Keito: …… Well, there’s quite a bit that happens.

Koga: Th-That sounds kinda grand. Felt like I was listenin’ to a movie synopsis.

Keito: Dramatic, right? Since the previous version of the show was lacking in the drama department, we decided to introduce a narrative element into ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth R.’

Keito: The narrative is further supported by our media mix strategy, through mediums like manga.

Keito: If we can get people to fall in love with the story and characters, we can attract viewers who would otherwise have no interest in complex historical tales. 

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[livsoulsecrets]

1989 (Taylor’s version) songs as BL/GL Characters - Part 1

Welcome to New York - Chris and Amm (Friendzone 2)

When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors

Took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer

Everybody here was someone else before

And you can want who you want

Boys and boys and girls and girls

[…] Like any great love, it keeps you guessing

Like any real love, it's ever-changing

Like any true love, it drives you crazy

But you know you wouldn't change anything, anything, anything

Blank Space - Sand and Ray (Only Friends)

Saw you there and I thought "Oh, my God, look at that face, you look like my next mistake, love’s a game, wanna play?"

[…] Ain't it funny? Rumors fly and I know you heard about me

So hey, let's be friends, I'm dying to see how this one ends

Grab your passport and my hand, I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

So it's gonna be forever or it's gonna go down in flames

You can tell me when it's over, if the high was worth the pain

[…] 'Cause we're young, and we're reckless

We'll take this way too far, it'll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar

Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I'm insane

But I've got a blank space, baby, and I'll write your name

Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things

Stolen kisses, pretty lies, you’re the King, baby, I'm your Queen

[…] Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh, no

Screaming, crying, perfect storms, I can make all the tables turn

Rose garden filled with thorns, keep you second guessing like “Oh, my God, who is [he]?"

I get drunk on jealousy, but you'll come back each time you leave

'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Style - Prapai and Sky (Love in the air)

And I should just tell you to leave 'cause I

Know exactly where it leads, but I

Watch us go 'round and 'round each time

You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye

And I got that red lip classic thing that you like

And when we go crashing down, we come back every time

'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style

[…] Just take me home

Out of the woods - Akk and Ayan (The Eclipse)

When you started crying, baby, I did too

But when the sun came up, I was looking at you

Remember when we couldn't take the heat?

I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free"

But the monsters turned out to be just trees

When the sun came up you were looking at me

[…] Are we out of the woods yet?

All you had to do was stay - Kim and Chay (Kinnporsche the series)

Here you are now, calling me up, but I don't know what to say

I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made

People like you always want back the love they pushed aside

But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye

Hey, all you had to do was stay

Had me in the palm of your hand

Then why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in?

I wish you would - Nim and Mollie (The Warp Effect)

I wish you would come back

Wish I'd never hung up the phone like I did

I wish you knew that I’d never forget you as long as I'd live

And I wish you were right here, right now

It's all good, I wish you would

I wish we could go back

And remember what we were fighting for

Wish you knew that I miss you too much to be mad anymore

Bad blood - Todd and Black (Not me)

Cause baby, now we've got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

[…] So take a look what you've done

Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times, you and I

[…] Now we've got problems and I don't think we can solve 'em

You made a really deep cut

Wildest Dreams - Tharn and Phaya (The Sign)

Say you'll remember me

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset, babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your wildest dreams

How you get the girl - Mon and Sam (Gap the series)

Say it's been a long six months

And you were too afraid to tell her what you want […]

And then you say, I want you for worse or for better

I would wait for ever and ever

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together

I would wait for ever and ever

And that's how it works

That's how you get the girl

This Love - Pat and Pran (Bad Buddy)

Your kiss, my cheek

I watched you leave

Your smile, my ghost

I fell to my knees

When you're young, you just run

But you come back to what you need

This love is good

This love is bad

This love is alive back from the dead

These hands had to let it go free, and

This love came back to me

This love left a permanent mark

This love is glowing in the dark

[queen-scribbles]

Breather

My SWtOR Secret Santa gift for @ishallobservethis! I had to do something with Felin soon as I saw she had a "tripped and fell in love by accident" arc with Koth. I love the Smuggler, I love accidentally falling in love pairings, and Koth always need more love. So I wrote them a little scene between chapters 7 & 8 of KotFE.

---

Despite her best efforts in the moment, Felin had never been all that good at subtlety. So it wasn't really a surprise when Koth caught one too many of her 'surreptitious' glances in his direction.

It was enough to prompt him to look up from his half-disassembled rifle, arching a brow at her. "Need something , Outlander?"

"No, um, I just... the stuff with the Heralds was... a lot." Felin set down the tools she'd been using to repair her own blaster. "Wanted to be sure everyone's okay after that, you know?"

"And I'm first on your list?" A wink. "I'm flattered. And fine. The rifle took damage, not me." He shrugged. "Not the first time I've been in a fight like that, anyhow."

Former military. Right. On the run for deserting because he had a conscience. He was used to danger, used to Zakuul and Asylum and didn't need her fretting over him. But I want to.

She didn't want to dwell on why that was. She cared about all her comrades in arms, that's why.

"Good," she said, clearing her throat. She picked up the tools and went back to work. There was just a little carbon scoring to clear away, but better to have it in working order now, under the circumstances. "I gotta ask, Koth," she started after a few minutes' companionable silence working side by side, "especially after that mess, what exactly did Lana tell you that had you all gung-ho to bust me out?"

"Bunch of stuff," Koth laughed, turning back to reassembling his rifle. "Findin' the lost riches of a crime lord, taking down some bigshot admiral--not to mention a near-mythic Sith. Or was he a Jedi?" He shrugged, brow furrowed as he slotted the casing back together. "Point is, she spun you up as this dashing hero who thrives on long odds."

Felin chuckled. "Somethin' like that. And what, your curiosity got the best of you?"

"Somethin' like that," Koth said, shooting her a grin. "Gonna take someone experienced with long odds and pulling down powerful Force users to deal with Arcann and Vaylin. Wanted to see if you were the real deal. She didn't mention you have a great smile, though."

She smirked down at the blaster. They'd traded flirty banter a couple times in the swamps; if he wanted to go again she was happy to play. "Can't imagine how that slipped her mind, it's one of my best features."

"Guess she was distracted by the skytroopers and Knights and wildlife chasing us," he deadpanned.

"I do bring a flare of adventure to the lives of most people I meet," Felin joked, biting back the odd little squirm that didn't want to see him hurt in the course of this adventure.

"Only most?" Koth asked, half-joking, as he secured the last pieces back in place.

"Some are too boring to be helped," she said with exaggerated drama, biting the tip of her tongue. as she finished and holstered her blaster. "Not you, though," she winked.

"Well, that's a relief," Koth said with a laugh. "Think I'd be a little intimidated if you found my life experience boring."

"You mean running from a galaxy spanning empire with a price on your head isn't normal for you, Vortena?" Felin said with faux-shock.

"Right now it is."

"Touché."

The hum of the engines shifted, rocking the shuttle just a little. The computer beeped, and Koth wiped his hands on his jacket as he leaned over to check it.

"We're dropping out of hyperspace," he reported. "Almost there. I should check on the Gravestone repairs when we land. If we're gonna use it to save the galaxy."

"Yeah, be bad for that hope--and the engines--to go up in flames when you try to take off," Felin said dryly. "Would hate for our dashing heroics to end before I have a chance to really see what y- the ship can do."

Koth chuckled, sent her a smirk. "Have a little faith, Outlander. Let me show off her moves." His expression sobered as a view of Asylum flashed outside the shuttle. "Be careful down there, huh?"

She nodded as they headed to strap in for landing. "Do my best."

The flicker of relief in his eyes made her heart skip a beat. Or two. Maybe she wasn't the only one worried.

Maybe she liked that thought a bit more than she should.

[factorialsotherfandoms]

*checks my to write list*

*sees this wasn't even sort of on it*

God fucking damnit again???

Spoilers up to and including the end of OPC. Everyone feels a bit off, but this conversation will do that to you. And just dialogue because brain is *weird*. I'm not really sure if this is anything much to at all, it's just... in my head. And unlike other things in my head I was allowed to type it by the brain and hands.

"You're early."

"Just finished a debrief, thought I'd swing by and steal your coffee rather than buying one."

"Sucks to be you, we don't keep coffee in the house. I can't drink it anymore, and Rubens..."

"My God, he had some in Rome, he was a mess. Dante was fretting for /hours/."

"Yeah, sounds about right. We got stuck at a coffee shop a while back, and it was real funny."

"Speaking of Rubinho, where is he?"

"Went to get groceries."

"Isn't Ivete doing that for you guys?"

"I think he misses the outside."

"Rubens? Missing the outside?"

"It's more likely than you think. We spent... A long time indoors, you know?"

"... He never really said any details. Didn't have the heart to press it, still don't really."

"Yeah... Yeah it... What it did to me wasn't even the worst of it."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"..."

"..."

"... It's just us, isn't it?"

"Who else would even be here?"

"No, I mean... Do you remember me?"

"... No? I don't... Look, my memory's still a bit fried. Everything's still a bit fried. You're going to have to help me here."

"We met at an Indian buffet, if that helps."

"How would that- Ah. Ah right. I guess... Which were you? You don't really act like any of them."

"Fire-axe and shield?"

"Seriously? Damn, you've changed."

"Fifteen years'll do it. Don't even use those any more, got a bigger axe now."

"No but, seriously. Verissimo?"

"Yeah, I know right. Sorry I was kinda an ass?"

"Weren't we all?"

"To you, I mean. I just... I realised, I think, that it's not worth it. Being angry."

"Over some things it is. I learnt that, too."

"Life's gonna hurt anyway. Why make it worse? Why not enjoy what we can?"

"What, no more wrestling blood zombies while rifle swears because it means he can't hit it, you jump in and help me beat it to death while calling me a 'fucking idiot', and the Captain accidentally stabs me in the face trying to assist?"

"Oh, no, I jump in now. Gotta keep it off the others, you know?"

"See! I always told you I was right! ... Fuck, the others... I don't... Shit, do you know...?"

"... I said it's just us, didn't I?"

"Fuck. Fuck, shit, did they at least...?"

"No. Not even that."

"Fuck! ... Fuck, sorry just..."

"It's fine. Take a minute. Just because I decided to be happy doesn't mean it can't suck, you know?"

"Yeah just... Do you know what happened?"

"They got possessed - both of them. Separately. First was the captain, then him with the rifle. Don't really know what happened to the second, but... Our last day in Rome? Had to fight him. Or, what's within him. That shit ain't human anymore. Kian, the first occultist. Four thousand years old and would kill everyone to erase the paranormal. Tried talking to him but... Well, pretty sure he's gone."

"... The guy who nearly killed Rubens?"

"And did kill Joui, yeah."

"... Fuck."

"Yeah, yeah it was... I was so scared. I thought... I thought he'd done it, you know? Snapped Rubens' neck."

"How bad was it? He... He won't tell me."

"It... It was bad. You'd have to ask Dante, maybe Arthur. They got him first aid and back on his feet, but he was shaky and wheezing for a good bit."

"..."

"It's okay. He's safe now."

"For how long? He's not... We're just sending them to die, aren't we? And here I am, stuck in this fucking-"

"Hey! Hey none of that, you're just healing up. You'll work it out, or you'll work something else out. People always do."

"If I'd just-"

"Have you seen Rubens' scar? If you'd just, he'd have just killed both of you."

"I could have found a way. We could have found a way. If I'd just been a bit more prepared, Rubens /said/ there was something fishy about the lead but it'd been so long and-"

"And he would have got you anyway. He's... Rubens did tell you, right?"

"Antonio. I love Rubens, I love him more than anyone else in his fucking world, but he doesn't tell anyone /shit/."

"I would have thought...?"

"It's been over a year. He said a lot happened, the Collesium was run by the Host. That you got trapped in more games, and that you made it so he can't hurt people again. Other bits, but the Order won't tell me about active problems until I'm cleared for work. I can't say I'm not curious but I know what he's like and I know his nightmares. It's enough to know it's over, yeah? Can breathe and deal with other shit. Like physio. I know it's important but I hate physio. Would take a blood zombie over physio any day. Maybe even a death game. Just one though. And I get to bring a grenade."

"Sure, sure. Just..."

"I'm not gonna like what you're about to say, am I?"

"You're really not."

"Well, damn, let me just get a bit more comfortable."

"Good?"

"Absolute dogshit but we can start."

"Arnaldo - our Captain - became the Host."

"..."

"... Johnny?"

"... I see."

"It's why he... Well..."

"It explains a lot. It explains so fucking much. But fuck I didn't think... I didn't..."

"Nobody did."

"Was he...?"

"It wasn't him anymore. It had his memories, but... It wasn't him. Not anymore."

"You killed him?"

"We killed him."

"Good."

"... The item that did it. It's in the safe. One of the relics we're going after."

"So, what, it can come back?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's not... your neck?"

"... Yeah."

"How bad?"

"You'd have to get it from Rubens - he was the one treating me when I woke up."

"He has nightmares about that. I just didn't know..."

"Well, now you do."

"..."

"But hey! What a trio we make? All three of us scarred up by the same guy."

"We could make a club."

"What? Us and Arthur? Maybe we should, he could use a break sometimes."

"'Fucked up by the Host' club sure we could- Oh hey Rubens, how was town?"

"..."

"I'm fine, we're all good. Balu just got here early."

"We were just chatting."

"You're crying."

"I was just telling Johnny about what happened to our team. From... Back then."

"I'm fine, Rubens. Balu can help you put stuff away."

"Hey!"

"Well I'm injured, and we're still got an appointment to get to. So! Go make yourself useful. Chop chop!"

"Laughing! You're laughing at me! Rubinho how could you!"

"Get your ass in that kitchen, Balu!"

"I'm going, I'm going, but I'm still stealing you coffee!"

"We still don't have any!"

"Next time, then!"

[eisforeidolon]

Jared: So for those who haven't seen us in Charlotte or San Francisco lately, we are going - I'm sure you've been told, and I've said this before but from the both of us, we're gonna kindly ask that - [gets distracted by lights coming up in audience] Oh my god, some people - hi guys. [both wave]

Jensen: Wait, real quick, while we can see you guys, how many people have never been to a convention like this before?

Jared: How many people had a terrible time and will never come back? [points] Get the fuck out of here! Cliff! Red shirt! [smiling and laughing]

Jensen: How many people are here by mistake and thought this was the furry convention? [Jared and Jensen raise hands][Jared pulls his hand down and then Jensen's too][Jensen taps over his heart] I love 'em.

Jared: That's why they built in a lot of breaks for us over the last weekend. It's like, hey, we're gonna give you like an hour break between photos and autos because we know you have [exaggerated finger quotes] something to do. [both laugh] What is your - what is your furry costume?

Cutting here for fairly long digression about various animals.

Jensen: [immediately] Squirrel. [audience cheers] I didn't have to think about that very long. Almost like I already had it planned. What would - what would yours be?

Jared: Bear. [Jensen cracks up] Because no one messes with the bear. So I'd be able to just like roll around and growl a little bit [winks ostentatiously]

Jensen: Jared, not everyone has fear of bears, okay?

Jared: I'd rather be - I'm gonna figure out how to word this. I'd rather be looking out from inside of a bear - [audience laughs] I'm wording this carefully, gimme a second, gimme a second! I'd rather -

Jensen: Let's use the term grizzly, instead of bear, because -

Jared: I don't like that, nononono, not gonna work. Just a normal, happy bear. Y'know, like Paddington. Uh, still scary.

Jensen: Like Winnie the Pooh?

Jared: Winnie the Pooh, yeah.

Audience member: How many cougars are in here?

Jared: How - [cracks up] Who in here -

Jensen: Hey guess how many cougars are in the audience? [both laugh][Jared claps and mimes bowing down to the person in the audience] Rawr.

Jared: [laughing] Is that what cougars do? [makes claw with hand] Rawr?

Jensen: [points to audience] That's what these do.

Jared: Let's hear it, can y'all give us a rawr?

Audiece: RAWR.

Jensen: Toldja.

Jared: I kinda liked it. [laughs] So, side note? I'll get back on track, but since my wife is eighteen months older than I am, I call - I refer to her as a cougar? She doesn't like it. [Jensen cracks up] Uh, yeah, but I'm, I'm dumb.

Jensen: We were having this conversation earlier, I said, alright, Jared - cause I just, I love to talk about bears around him because he's so uncomfortable. I was like, if you had to choose to be trapped in a room [Jared cracks up] with - I was like, put 'em in order an alligator, a lion, a silverback gorilla, a bear - what was the fifth one? There was a fifth one?

Jared: Uh. You gave me four, you gave me just four.

Jensen: Was it just four?

Jared: Yeah.

Jensen: Okay, those four. I was like put those in order from like the least to no, no thank you.

Jared: By the way, just for those of y'all who are curious about like what our conversations are about? It's not about, like, do you like Kant or Beethoven, but it's like, [macho voice] okay, do you fight a lion with a baseball bat or a bear - boom!

Jensen: [macho voice] Alright, it's a game of would you rather!

Jared: It would be basically bear would you rather - about everything. [Jensen cracks up] I said alligator first - even though alligators were around two hundred million years before the T-Rex. Talk amongst yourselves. [gestures in a circle] Rhode Island, neither a road nor an island. Talk amongst yourselves. [Jensen mouths along as he says it and both gesture in a circle] But alligators - apparently, they only have the open power of a human [opens his mouth, demonstrates opening and closing with hand], but their close power is strong. But if you kind of fake it out [wriggles] and just give it a big old bear hug [mimes hugging]? Then it can't open its mouth. And then you become friends ... I think?

Jensen: No, this isn't Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile. This is like an actual [laughs] like rip your arm off type of animal [Jared laughs]. But I was like, I can see the logic in that, because you could jump on, you [?] 'em. You see these guys do it, a lot of 'em, like my wife is from Louisiana, I'm sure she has cousins that do this for fun. [Jared nods] So I was like, okay, yeah, good, I would - I can see that one. But then you said -

Jared: Then I said gorilla, silverback.

Jensen: Right.

Jared: Because my understanding is -

Jensen: [pointing to Jared] Also good logic.

Jared: The logic is that silverbacks are not carnivores. And so when they display aggression, it's usually to scare somebody away. So I would - if there was a silverback and I was in a locked room, and he did the whole [mimes] beating chest thing? I'd just be like [gets up] my bad bud, I'll be right here [walks away, crouches down]. Uh, and he'd be like - or she - would be like, cool, he's no threat. And then I surprised myself and chose bear next.

Audience: Oooh! Wow! [???]

Jared: Thank you, yeah, yeah. You feel me. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. But I don't really wanna - I feel like with the bear, there is a possibility that you can hug and stuff. [Jensen shakes his head] You've seen Paddington!

Jensen: But then a lion, like absolutely not.

Jared: They're out to kill.

Jensen: They just want to eat you.

Jared: Yep. Yep. Still more scared of bears.

Jensen: So anyway, that was our conversation over lunch. Happy to share it with you.

Jared: You're welcome and we're sorry.

Jensen: You're welcome and sorry.

[mcflymemes]

YELLOWSTONE PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the television show

leverage is knowing if someone had all the money in the world, this is what they would buy.

i remember.

there's sharks and minnows in this world. if you don't know which you are, you aren't a shark.

that's it. that's all there is.

where's the fun in wrecking a single man?

words are weapons.

just like your mother.

"i'm sorry" are two words you never have to say to me.

we're enemies now.

i'm gonna give you one last chance. you leave now or you never leave.

you know what work is, don't you?

you can't unmake family.

i don't choose the way. i make sure no one questions yours.

you're either born a willow or born an oak. that's all there is to it.

i want you to move it.

our home is here.

well, that's what it means.

i need you to learn how to use them.

your grandfather used to say you can't fix a broken wagon wheel, but you can use the parts to make a new one.

it means that you have me, that i'm yours. it means come live your life with me.

soldiers don't tell war stories anymore, because wars these days... it's just about trying to live through them.

that's a conversation for another time that we'll never have.

you're gonna grow up and i'm gonna grow old.

if you act like a thief, i will treat you like one.

what do you want from me?

you are the trailer park. i'm the tornado.

no one has a right. you have to take a right, or stop it from being taken from you.

i look at every day with you as a gift.

you know, you did something that no one does. you've outlived your past.

i'm chopping your family tree down.

don't scream.

i'm asking you to marry me. will you do that?

nobody's gonna mess with us.

the only thing i ask is that you outlive me so i never live another day without you.

lawyers don't scare me.

i'm reasonable until i'm provoked.

everything i do is for him.

does that make sense?

you ought to listen to this.

i have been down this road many, many times before.

lawyers are the swords of this century.

karma comes in all shapes and sizes. guess it's me today.

god sure finds interesting ways to put people out of business.

you know what that means, don't you?

if it's gonna be all right, why are you taking a gun?

i hope i never meet the first man who thought it was a good idea to ride a bull.

i look at you, and the thought fades.

you know, when you boil life down, it's funny just how little you need, isn't it?

let's go get them.

i believe in loving with your whole soul and destroying anything that wants to kill what you love.

i made two bad decisions in my life based on fear, and they cost me everything.

like it or not, that choice is coming.

when you say no, it must be the death of the question.

i can't stop the river from flowing.

i don't want you to stop it.

when they go away, they never come back. ever.

you would have made a hell of a cowboy.

a man who puts a hand on a member of my family never puts a hand on anything else.

where'd you learn that kind of language?

do you think some day an explorer will find our bones and wonder what happened to us?

i don't know you.

the exploring's all done.

it's the truth.

just tell me who to fight.

all men are bad. but some of us try real hard to be good.

everything's gonna be all right.

these problems have to go away before i do.

for someone with no spine, you've sure got a lot of balls.

do you know who did it?

you never knew your grandmother, did you?

nice try, kid.

bullies need to be big, and i'm bigger than you.

every so often, you say something that makes me think you're smart.

you build something worth having, someone's gonna try to take it.

you ever had someone look at you, and your whole world just stops?

i like his home better.

i'm not judging. i just don't understand this place.

i'm just meaner than you.

from now on, what i do is for me.

when the misery is bad enough, tomorrow is rarely factored into decisions.

you should try zumba. get your cardio up.

"should" is a useless word, almost as useless as hope.

all the angels are gone. there's only devils left.

you've already proved you're not scared of anything.

if i'm going to lose you, it's going to be about what i did, not because i lied.

[maitaiwiththecorpses]

The Real Thing

1- My Fault

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

Aru Shah was screaming.

What's new?

"Y'know, when people say I like you to someone, they typically mean in a romantic way, dumbass."

Aru Shah was screaming at Aiden Acharya.

Well, an imaginary version of him.

It was dumb, and possibly psychotic, but what else could one do alone in their room?

Clean?

Bullshit.

The imaginary Aiden's presence was fleeting, and she had to refocus on the image of the boy in her mind to keep him in the corner of her room. "And what's the deal with you and Poppy, huh?" She turned to face the miraged boy. "It's all, 'we're friends, Shah,' and then you go giggling with that demon bitch-" a bit far, but a safe space is a no-judgement space, too.

She threw her clothes in a hamper. HA! Look! She could multitask. Laundry and screaming at an imaginary pretty boy.

"You know, the whole reason we're in this mess is because of her," she reminded him. There was no trace of recognition in his eyes, no reaction. Just a phantom that looked like the boy across the street. "I'm serious- don't give me that look- she was recording me and was going to ruin my life-" And you could have dealt with it, a small voice in her head interrupted. You could have fessed up to your lies and had a clean slate.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. Shit. This was her fault. She knew, of course, but the lie that Poppy was the root cause had always given her comfort. Under the merciless glare of Aiden, though, the lie seemed more like a flimsy excuse, and she was at fault.

"FINE! You got me!" She yelled at the figure. "I let the Sleeper out. It's my fault."

No reaction.

She threw Vajra at the figure and opened a window. No more of this imaginary Aiden bullshit.

She didn't want to talk anymore.

2- House Of Friendship

"I didn't know you were a Taylor Swift fan," she said nonchalantly. She had opened the door to her room to find imaginary Aiden there. Might as well have a talk. "Let me guess, you tell people your favorite album's Folklore when you're more of a Lover girlie?" She raised a brow, grinning madly at the holographic boy.

Right. He's not real, despite the slight look of judgement developing on his face.

Shit, she's not supposed to even know anything about Taylor Swift.

"Uh, I mean... whaaaaat? Taylor who?" Her cheeks were on fire and there was no recovering. She groaned in repent, flopping on her bed. "I like Reputation," she said, voice muffled by her pillow.

"You know," she said suddenly, sitting up, "we should totally do an album listen. Like, when our queen of pop releases new music." She started pacing around the room. "Like, we'd put up fairy lights, and make a giant pillow fort- I trust you to bring food, but of course I'm gonna be in charge of the fort- Oh! And we could take my mom's AirPods and listen to the new album together! See, Wifey, technology!" She made jazz hands to imaginary Aiden grinning like an idiot. "You're so damn stubborn about technology," she groused when imaginary Aiden maintained his judgmental face. "I bet you're one of those people who don't like it when their thermostats are connected to google home or something like that," she got up to her computer, pulling up a picture of the google home tech. "See? Not so bad- but that wall color is!" She exclaimed in disgust. Aiden would agree with her. Army green is no color for a living room. Something about color theory and light, but she mostly thought it was ugly.

"There's no way our house is gonna look like that, you hear me? We do yellow and white and that's it-"

Oh.

Oh.

HOLD UP.

What was that about our house???

Yellow and white?!

WHY WAS ARU PLANNING THEIR FUTURES TOGETHER???

"I bet you're terrible to live with," she snapped at the imaginary Aiden. Surprisingly, he scowled at her in disapproval.

"What? You know it's true," she lied. It probably wasn't. He was probably one of those people who cleaned as they cooked and did laundry twice a week periodically so that it didn't pile up and, in that process, took care of all the soft ass blankets in the house which were probably really nice to cuddle in-

Aiden was smirking at her. A figment of her imagination was making fun of her.

"Rude," she muttered, throwing a pillow at him. He didn't disappear. "Ugh, you're probably one of those people who make their partners communicate and shit," she said, cheeks on fire.

STOP IMAGINING AIDEN IN A RELATIONSHIP! She screamed at herself.

"And, to make matters worse, you probably gatekeep all the food in arguments." Imaginary Aiden frowned at her. He turned to leave and she stumbled out of bed, grabbing at nothing. "NO- wait! C'mon, you and I both know I didn't mean it like that. You would be great to live with even if you're a snob, and we'd have a whole lot of fun painting a house together!" She pleaded desperately. Since when could imaginary Aiden decide for himself? "Really, I would love-" she choked on the word slightly, "- to- well, live with you! Cause love! And friendship!" She offered awkwardly.

He smiled at her before shaking his head.

Then he left.

Why did he always leave?

3- Promises...

"ARU-!"

And they were gone.

She was gone.

She was with the Sleeper.

There was no one here.

Make no noise, she told herself.

For twenty minutes, she sat there in silence, looking around. No one came.

She softly cried, the reality of the situation hitting her.

She was alone, in the Sleeper's lair. She wanted her mom. She wanted Boo. She wanted her sisters. She wanted the Potatoes.

She wanted to go home.

"I know, Shah. We'll get out of here soon." Imaginary Aiden. She couldn't be mad at him.

She shook her head like a toddler, sobs racking her body. "You don't know that." Aiden came up to her and hugged her, snaking his arms around her waist.

"Yes I do. They're not going to leave you like this." She could feel his breath against her ear, a phantom of a kiss to her forehead-

"But they should," she sobbed. "They should get themselves out of this mess and leave me here to rot." She looked up at imaginary Aiden. "You should, too."

"What, and leave the best person I know in the hands of our enemies?" Aiden smiled sadly at her. "I don't think so, Shah."

She had nothing to say to that. Her eyes were getting droopy and sleep was going to take her soon.

"Rest, Aru. You're not going to remember this, but I promise we'll get you out of here."

Her thoughts were messed up, and she wasn't thinking quite right, so maybe she was already asleep when she said it, or maybe imaginary Aiden heard her mumble 'I love you'.

Either way, darkness was reclaiming her soon.

4- ... And No Promises

"It's not so bad, asshole," she glared at imaginary Aiden in the corner.

"Yes it is, Shah," he glared back.

"Our souls in a past life were married- how is it any worse now?" She took the garland of her neck and took the bindi off. The ordeal with the vanara fake wedding had just gone down, and real life Aiden was throwing a hissy fit for the ages.

And so was imaginary Aiden now.

"It's worse because we, Aru and Aiden were gonna get married. Not Arjun and Daupadi. They're the soulmates, Shah, not us."

She wanted to scream that, by technicality, they were soulmates too.

Instead, she yelled at him. "And? Would it be so bad to marry me? Huh?" She walked menacingly towards him, at her wit's end. "You say and do all these things, but the minute you're faced with any kind of commitment you run away!"

Oh, boy. The floodgates were open now.

"We are not you parents! You are not your parents! You're better than that! You know better! I'm not going to leave you," she choked out, half bawling. It was an ugly cry, the kind that girls who were always unwanted did when they were reminded of their unwantedness. "I would never willingly leave you," she said again, determination set in her eyes. "That's what love is."

"None of that matters, Aru," imaginary Aiden said coldly.

"Because Kara, right?" She asked softly.

Aiden immediately softened. "Because I'm going to die, Shah." Aru was sure by now she had fallen asleep- there was no way the flying erasers came with the room she was in.

"No you're not," she said, confused.

"That's not something you can promise," Aiden said sadly.

He was right, for once.

She couldn't promise that.

5- Till Death Do Us Part

"Blind rage looks great on you, Shah," Aiden said snarkily.

She turned to him in hysteria, tears streaming down her face and a fire in her eyes. "You're dead," she spat. "You left me here."

"People need you," he said calmly.

"I need you! I matter more than those people- or at least I thought I did-"

"The greater good-"

"Is bullshit!" She screamed. Atlanta was empty in the thin 4 am morning light. "The greater good, and saving everyone is bullshit if you're not here!" She breathed in deeply, pulling herself together to deliver a final, some might even say deathly blow.

"If the stories are true- which they are- then I'm going to die soon."

Aiden froze in the corner of her vision, then immediately rushed over to her. "Shah? Hey, listen, you can't-"

It was like he was actually clinging to her shoulder. She did not move away. "Arjun dies soon after Draupadi does. It's over for me." She turned to him, nearly hopeful. "I'm done. I'm tired, Aiden. I don't want to fight without you."

It was his turn to rage, it seemed, cause Aiden shook her shoulders and Aru actually felt it. "Listen to me, Shah. I'm going to come back. But in order for me to do that, you have to fight. Giving up now ensures that we both die, and I'm not willing to accept that, yet."

She cried even harder. When did the world become deserving of this boy?

"Light 'em up, Shah," he said softly, holding her hands.

She nodded at him, cracking a smile only to say, "you mean, arson, right?" Before he laughed sadly at her and disappeared.

She could feel her soul fighting to escape her body, she could feel herself being drained of her lifeblood-

But she just.

Won't.

Stop.

6- For Real This Time

Aiden was in the corner of the room, typing away at his computer.

"I was thinking red velvet?" Aru asked.

He cracked a smile, looking up from his work on the laptop. "Do you know how to make it?"

"Brynne lives twenty minutes away," she replied. She pulled him out of his chair and wrapped her arms around him.

"What's this for?"

"Corporeal affection is superior to verbal affection."

"Meaning...?"

"Meaning I need a damn hug, Wifey." She squeezed tighter, breathing in the scent of fresh laundry.

"Red velvet sounds a little extra, don't you think?" They were swaying softly on the spot to no music, and Aru leaned her head on his chest, listening to the stead thump of his heart.

"Yeah, but we are extra," she said. In full honesty, she would love to skip the dinner tonight with the Potatoes and just stay in bed, but she knew this was important.

"How about chocolate? I think we have a box mix in the pantry."

Aru sighed dramatically, falling back on their bed. "Fiiiiiine. But don't get offended when we get called basic."

"We are basic, Shah," Aiden said, already walking to the kitchen.

"Hey, I thought we were extra!" She called back.

Seems not.

When she finally got out of bed and into pants, she found Aiden mixing away in the kitchen, with powdered sugar in his hair.

Gods, this was real.

So, so real.

She smiled at him, thankful for the fact.

In the corner of her eye, imaginary Aiden waved goodbye, smiling softly as he faded away.

She didn't need him anymore.

She had the real thing.

[an-aura-about-you]

am I really gonna move on with another chapter of Handbook for Mortals right now?

why yes, yes I am. because I know what comes next in this chapter, too, and I have no idea what this recap is gonna look like.

Chapter 15:

when we last left our hero, Scheherazade's relationship is on the rocks due to a make out with tongue misunderstanding that she decided not to clear up the easiest way possible and now Mac has left the show.

Chapter 15: The Tower

-the card chosen for the chapter title is actually relevant for once.

-staying true to the rest of the book so far, we skip over the entire show and go straight to the finale. we're finally gonna see a magic trick Zade performs for her job besides the high dive trick she auditioned with.

-Zade has decided to use "complex deep chaos-based magick" for this trick, which is dangerous because it can backfire if not done correctly. she does this because..... why does she do this?

once again all of Zeb's concern is 100% warranted.

-Zade has never done anything this hard or complex before, which means now is clearly a great time to start.

-Sofia got her singing job. good for her. glad to see she's living the dream. <3

-we've already started on the Incredibly Dangerous Illusion and Zade's mind is wandering to Mac. good start!

-she is, for some reason, conflicted about what she should say to Mac about who Charles is to her.

-ok so we've got the first bit of what this illusion does: generates a storm indoors. okay. neat.

-Zade reminds us twice in two back to back paragraphs that the power she's messing with is both strong and volatile AND that she hasn't quite mastered it yet. again, solid plan here. can't see how it might go wrong. definitely something you should do for Knockoff David Daddy Copperfield.

-"...it can all go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks real quick."

this book is supposedly not a YA book.

-Charles has been narrating her illusion, and she says he's a gifted storyteller like all magicians should be, but the whole purpose of magician patter is misdirection! something Charles doesn't need to provide in an illusion using Real Fucking Magic.

-next part of the illusion: the storm makes a wave crash over Zade, causing her to disappear.

-next part: rain from the storm turns to sand as it hits the stage and piles up only to be struck by lightning, leaving a glass sculpture of Zade. I feel like I'm watching a knockoff Salvador Dali painting come to life.

-we get a warning that Zade is Not Feeling So Great at this stage of the illusion.

-next part: another lighting strike, this one producing a rapidly growing apple tree complete with full grown man that falls out of it.

-"I could actually feel the wonder in the audience." really? because I kinda feel the way I would had someone put on a tame knockoff of a Lynch movie at a planetarium. I would think it's a nice visual thing with some obvious human parts working in it, but my own guess as an audience member would be this was some kind of shadowcast projection thing. all of it is impossible to such a degree that no sleight of hand is feasible for it. so without the explanation that it's all Real Actual Magic, the obvious fill in is this is some really good special effects and Zade actually isn't doing anything except acting against a projection. kinda like the Liam Neeson stuff in Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds.

she is, by all appearances, doing less than an actual magician's assistant would since I learned from the Breaking the Magician's Code specials that a lot of magic tricks rely on the skills of a well trained assistant or assistants.

-they throw some apples from the apple tree as a proof that it's real, which is the first thing that could possibly have a sleight of hand counterpart and thus is the first thing I as an audience member would consider a magic trick in all this.

-also are we sure chaos-magick apples are safe to eat?

-let's see, the man chops the apple tree down, wood chips fly into the audience. again, I would consider this bit a possible trick, but all of it feels like I'm just in some kind of interactive show? you know like the ones where you're like on the river rapids and it sprays water on you? this just doesn't feel like a magic trick overall, it feels like watching a short story.

-"If anyone had doubted it was a real tree they would have had to believe it at this point." no they wouldn't because it's not difficult to project the image of a falling tree, make the sound of a tree crashing into a stage, and throwing wood chips into the audience. also, why would you WANT them to think it's a real tree when you are trying to keep your magic SECRET?

-tree catches fire somehow (it is not specified as an explosion, but even then I don't know if any apple trees are also explody trees?) and a wind blows the sand up, blocking this from view.

-sand settles, fire and tree are gone, replaced by a wardrobe. the man opens the wardrobe to show it's empty, closes it, opens it again to take out a guitar and start playing. again, all things that are simple to do with projection and a sound system.

-he also puts the glass sculpture of Zade in the wardrobe

-Zade is feeling even worse and tells us she has to hold it together for just a bit longer because the illusion is almost done. good.

-wardrobe is struck by lightning, splits in two, and Zade is revealed. she then pulls an apple from her pocket, takes a bite, and faints. the man catches her, kisses her, and she wakes up. she gives him a bite of the apple, he disappears. so the man appearing and disappearing could be an illusion. that makes like 2-3 disappearing/reappearing tricks all in one with a whole bunch of special effects around them that I don't care about.

you know what's more impressive to me? the simple illusions. in fact, one of the ones that still gets me every time I see it is how the Phantom disappears at the end of The Phantom of the Opera as performed at the Royal Albert Hall. it's a simple but effective execution and stands out even more since it's not a magic show but a musical.

but this, this is SUPPOSED to be a magic show! there should be a LOT of magic! and it can be impressive to see multiple displays of the same kind of trick, especially with a specialist in it, but the thing about disappearing/reappearing act is it's the same visuals over and over again! idk maybe that's my bias since I tend to not care as much for disappearing acts, but I literally just cited a disappearing illusion as a favorite!

here, let's look at a simpler display I find more impressive than whatever the fuck Zade is doing with chaos magick. this is Francis Tabary, a magician who specializes in rope illusions:

I first saw a variation of this routine in the mid-90s on The World's Greatest Magic and I still enjoy seeing it. every single trick is just done with a rope, but it is visually varied and interesting. I get the feeling I could be sitting less than three feet away from him and I still wouldn't be able to fully see how he does it.

(also I love when he has to do his patter in English because he says, "I hope you will understand what I say and not what I do.")

-that was a nice detour and now I'm gonna go back to the book.

-Charles puts the cloak on Zade, who feels like she's dying inside. Me Too, Girl.

-lightning strikes Zade and she disappears. apparently with the magic going wrong she actually felt the lighting. why would you subject yourself to this when you didn't have to? literally you didn't have to. there was no reason to do a trick like this. why did you build the trick like this?

-Charles then picks up an apple, takes a bite, and disappears. that's it, the trick is finally over after 10 pages of description. this is the thing Zade has been working on with Charles that merited a big red carpet premiere. I want my $2 for the children's admission ticket for the planetarium field trip back.

-pfffff piece of shit dad out there taking his bows not even noticing that Zade's not out there to bow with him because she's suffering from magic internal bleeding.

-also, damn, gotta say Cam's doing a good job running this show on the fly. not one missed cue! that we know about, anyway. let's be real, that does seem like even odds on this being either a detail Sarem would ignore completely or would spend a solid 2/5ths of the chapter going over.

-the cat is sitting on the book again. also me, he is sitting on me.

-Zade manages to collapse in Zeb's arms, which wouldn't have been her first choice because she'd much rather do that with Jackson. but Zeb is like one of the few people who's gonna know what's going on! this is like the ideal situation once shit's fucked!

-Zade tells the gang backstage to call her mother before things go black.

then we get this:

That's the last thing I personally remembered from that day. Later, after I'd had some time to rest, I pulled out the memories of what everyone else saw and what happened.

so good news, we know Zade is gonna be perfectly fine! no need to worry about pesky things like tension!

-apparently fucking the magic up enough has left Zade in a state where she's practically choking on her own blood.

-Mac came back in time for all this btw. and instead of anyone trying to put Zade down in the recovery position (which idk if that's even appropriate for this but that seems moot since magic malady) or listen to the 911 dispatcher that Tad had Riley call, they just let Mac take over holding Zade.

-oh my god, even with all this going on, Zade notices in the memories that Zeb looks somewhat upset and thinks, "Maybe he didn't hate me after all." priorities.

-Charles says he's going with Mac to the hospital, and Mac is burned by this but at least has the good sense not to argue right now.

-omg Zade has to tell us the memories are painful to see because all of the people who love her are hurting soooooo much to see her suffering~

-Mac has enough of himself put together to be pissed at having to drive Charles and Charles is too upset to notice.

-Zade is actually getting care from a doctor that is implied to be the head doctor of the hospital. nothing but the finest for our mary sue.

-oh boy here we fucking go guys: the doctor asks for a member of the family since Zade is unconscious and can't consent. after being pressed, Charles reveals that he's Zade's father.

was it worth it?

-Mac then says he saw Charles and Zade kiss, which clearly grosses Charles out. also a lie since remember he couldn't bare [sic] to watch Zade and Spellman kiss.

-I don't know why Mac needs to talk about this now when the doctor obviously needs somebody to give the go-ahead on something. which also doesn't make sense to me because it seems like they could still do something to at least stabilize Zade, but maybe they're at that point and it's just not specified.

-omg Mac asks Charles if Zade knew this and he said yes. the book is right here confirming that Zade has known that Charles is her father. 0 excuses for any of the bullshit she's been pulling.

-apparently Zade found out recently, but by "recently" we mean "since basically the start of the book and that's when she came to work for him," which still means "the whole time," for our purposes.

ok to be fair it is not made clear if she knew before or after she actually got the job. it's possible this reveal happened during the conversation we were not made privy to in chapter 2. but it's ambiguous enough that it's possible Zade has known since chapter 0.

-Mac rethinks everything and considers how it makes sense now, but I still thing Zade's behavior has incestuous tones, like how she tried to reassure Mac about Spellman taking her to dinner with, "A girl's gotta eat." Zade obfuscated everything in the worst possible way when she could have used other tactics.

-also as far as why Charles hasn't said anything until now, he said he was abiding by Dela's wish to keep it secret. it is not made clear if this is some kind of binding magic taboo or not. it's certainly implied to be, but so far we haven't been made aware of the terms of this taboo. which seems pretty important since not only has he just broken it by telling the doctor, it seems possible that he ALSO broke it by telling Zade!

this also puts chapter 0 in a different light if the catalyst for Zade leaving home was finding out Spellman is her father, which would actually make sense. but again, if that's the case, then that means Zade knew the entire time and has been emotionally tormenting Mac for no good reason.

-I Would Like It If This Book Stopped Talking About The Concept Of Zade And Her Dad Making Out.

-Charles then tells Mac that Zade kissed him on the cheek, making the make out with tongue paragraph from the last chapter even worse since we were just gonna see the same thing in THIS chapter!

-Mac said Zade wasn't lying, but she was!! it's called lying by omission! she was intentionally leaving important information out!

That!

Is!

Lying!!!!!!

-oh hey Lambo Girl is here! she's here just to be seen for some reason. who knows why.

-the doctor makes an offhand mention of Dr. House and the book grinds to a halt for a full page to explain who House is because Charles didn't get the reference.

-man, it's so sad seeing Zade in her ICU hospital bed all covered in IV lines and tubes knowing full well she's gonna be perfectly fine by the end of the book.

-Dela calls Charles right after they all get settled in the room. damn, this is what you're using your magic for?

-Dela knows what's wrong. Charles suggests she come to Las Vegas. Dela insists they have to bring Zade to Tennessee. WHY? doesn't this sound like the more dangerous thing to do?

-Dela's explanation is that she needs her tools and her altar. I'm calling bullshit. you can bring your tools and build an altar where you need to. even if it needs like a special altar, you don't think you can find one in Vegas? we already know there are other people who know magic here; if it's like a church thing where it doesn't have to be an altar you build yourself, why not use one there? and if it has to be one you made, why not make one? this just sounds like putting your daughter through needless risk.

-"She could die. Couldn't she?" but she won't because she's telling the story.

-Dela is laying out tarot cards during this conversation. "She examined the cards carefully as if she were deciphering a code. That's kind of how reading cards goes." the narration says that like it hasn't shown us Zade doing the most incompetent card reading I have ever seen.

-why is Zade giving us a tarot card lesson while recounting her near-death experience?

-"Only sometimes can you change your destiny but that is hard and is a subject for another time and a later book." are you seriously giving me your discount knockoff May Those Who Accept Their Fate Be Granted Happiness, May Those Who Defy Their Fate Be Granted Glory speech, Miss "The Cards Haven't Told Me Which Boy I Should Marry"? not to mention a Michael Ende-esque hint to tantalize at another book.

-we get a full paragraph to explain the waxing and waning moon. not just the significance of those times in witchcraft, which even that's dumbed down, but what waxing and waning themselves mean.

you've literally covered this book with the triple moon symbol.

also Dela mentions the moon is waning. this could have been the opening to give the context that would explain it without having to go all baby dictionary on us, like saying the spell will have to be done on the night of the new moon.

-I'm glad the doctor likewise thinks letting Zade fly to Tennessee in her condition is nutso bananas.

-oof, the doctor's gonna make Charles sign a release that he understands that Zade is now his responsibility and that this may kill her. his priority, according to the narration, is avoiding a lawsuit. good god, does ANYONE in this book have even a shred of compassion? possibly not considering Sarem's callousness.

and the chapter ends with Charles telling Mac the two of them need to take Zade to Tennessee and reaffirming everything we had just learned from Dela.

just to rephrase this, the chapter ends with our big strong powerful honest to goodness magic using not like other girls protagonist at death's door for reasons that are pretty much her fault and needing to be rescued by her mother, her father, and the guy she's been kissing but they have not defined their relationship and parted on bad terms when they last saw each other and also she's been lying by omission to him. I think that covers everything.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1093: Visiting Mom Again (Epithet Erased)

1:09 p.m. at Sweet Jazz City's Sidewalk.........

Cashier: Thank you! Come again!~

Giovanni: (Looks Down at the Bonquet of Flowers He Just Brought From the Outdoors Flower Shop a Few Seconds Ago) Sheesh....I know it's Spring, but do they really have to charge us over thirty bucks for a bunch of these flowers?

Molly: (Walking Next to her Boss) Considering how gorgeous each of them look together, I can't really say their prices surprises me all that much.

Giovanni: ('Sigh') Well, I guess I won't really matter so long as your mom will like them.....(Starts Getting Nervous) She'll.....like the flowers we're going to give her, right?

Molly: (Giggles Softly) Boss, she'll love them and you as well. Don't worry.

Giovanni: ('Psh') Me? Worry? Honestly, Beartrap, do you have any idea who you're talking to right now? I go by Vincent Murder now and I shouldn't get feared by anyone!

Molly: (Starts Smirking a Bit Teasingly) Except for my mom apparently~

Giovanni: (Pouts at his Beartrap) Hey, I am NOT scared of your mother! (Starts Looking Away While Rubbing the Back of his Head Back and Forth) I just.....wanted to make a good impression is all.

Molly: (Gives her Boss a Reassuring Smile) I know you do, Boss. But again, you really have nothing to worry about here. She won't bite, not physically anyways.

Giovanni: Yeah, but she can possess me against my own will....(Starts Doing the Mini Thriller Dance) Make me dance around like a puppet on strings if she wants to.

Molly: (Starts Snickering a Bit) Okay, first off, you really gotta stop watching these Scooby Doo Movies till midnight, it's clearly messing with your psyche a bit. And second, my mom is way too professional to go around possessing every person she sees.

Giovanni: (Grabs his Chin in a Curious Manner) Ahh....a professionist, you say? Do tell.

Molly: Really don't think "professionist" is a real word, but if you must know, my mom was a pretty busy lady over the years. She always worked so hard to make sure the toy business is in best shape possible, as well as making sure that our family doesn't fall apart in the process.

Giovanni: So the actual breadwinner of the family?

Molly: Pretty much, yeah. She was even able to keep dad in check a whole lot better than Lori and I ever could. (Smiles Fondly at the Thought of her Mother) But even then, she still did everything she could to give us the love, support and care none of us hardly knew we needed at the time..... (Starts Frowning Sadly) Regardless of how short lived her time here was.......

Giovanni: (Frowns at Her Sadden Minion as He Gently Place his Hand onto Her Shoulder) I'm really sorry for your loss, Molly.....

Molly: Thank you. It's still a lot to take in completely, but I won't let it get me down forever. (Looks Up and Gives her Boss a Determined Look on her FaceL Not when I still have a whole life ahead of me going forward.

Giovanni: (Smiles a Little But Proudly at Molly) Atta girl. (Playfully Ruffles the Top of Molly's Hair) And don't think for a second you're on your own on this, you hear?

Molly: (Giggles Ticklishly by the Haor Ruffles) I know, I know!~ We're a team. We stick together, am I right?

Giovanni: (Smiles Brightly) Exactly!

The (not so) villainous duo begins to stop walking as they see a sign on top of a horse shoe shaped entrance that reads "Sweet Jazz's Cemetery".

Giovanni: Hm. (Looks Back to Molly) Is this the place?

Molly: (Simply Nodded) Yep. We're here alright. (Turns to her Boss) You ready to finally meet Momma Beartrap in person?

Giovanni: ('Sigh') As I'll ever be. (Watches Molly Makes her Way To the Cemetery) But uh....Molly?

Molly: (Stops Walking as She Looks Back.at Giovanni) Hm?

Giovanni: (Takes a Deep Breath Before Speaking) Listen, i....know I can never live up to be as good as a parental figure as she was. But I'm still gonna do my damndest to be there for you every step of the way!

Molly: (Stares at Giovanni for a Few Seconds Before Smiling Softly) Boss, you don't have to be exactly like my mom to look after me. Because you're already doing a amazing job at it just by being yourself. (Smile Turns into a Sincere, Bright One) And that's all it really matters me right now.

Giovanni: (Stares at Molly For a Brief Second Before His Heart Begins to Melt in Genuine Happiness) Thank you, Beartrap.

Happy Late Mother's Day

@aprilbrowines

[fullstcp]

"Vintage" by Jeremy Shada Sentence Starters

BACK IN FASHION

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Let's bring back the golden age."

"Vintage is the vibe again."

"If you're gonna steal, better steal from the best."

PRETTY LITTLE LIES

"You wanna hear my voice, but only if it matches yours."

"We've done this a hundred times."

"How many ways can we say you're wrong and I'm right."

"Why do we do this?"

"We're lying to ourselves."

"I can't fool you and you can't fool me."

"Your perfect little life is just a perfect little lie."

"I'm done with your pretty little lies."

"It's like I'm an actor in a really bad movie."

"We're faking it, playing parts."

"The ending was written right from the start."

SINGING IN THE RAIN

"Our story's not like the classic movies."

"This ain't got a happy ending."

"I realized your love was fake."

"I always thought you'd wait for me."

"Guess I wasn't worth the wait."

"There's no escape to a happy ending."

IF LOOKS COULD KILL

"New beginnings never go so well."

"You look like heaven but you're bound for hell."

"You leave little clues in a trail of blood."

"Your body is the smoking gun."

"If looks could kill then I'm already dead."

"Your love's a bill that I can't pay."

"You could kill me right now."

THIS AIN'T IT

"I spy with my little eye, a liar."

"You're a devil in disguise playing on my desires."

"Should've known from the start that it was all a game."

"You've been bluffing and I've been played."

"Your lips are poisonous."

"This ain't it. This ain't love."

"There's only ever one thing on your mind."

"You're looking for a fight."

"I've only got so much blood to bleed."

"This was never love."

DANCING WITH STRANGERS

"No one's listening, no one cares."

"I feel so alone, but I'm never alone."

"I just wanna go home."

"I don't wanna be dancing with strangers at 3am."

"I don't wanna be wasting my love on somebody who doesn't know who I am."

"I know I need to move on."

"It's time to put the past where the past belongs."

"My heart's longing for something more than I've had."

"I might of lost my way along the road."

GENTLEMAN

"You stop time with that smile."

"Take my hand."

"Hit the floor let's dance."

"All the other jokers here let's foil their plans."

"They won't be taking you home."

"My love is tailored for you."

"When you dance you're the only one in the room."

"You're like a top shelf drink, always smooth."

"I wanna say yes, but I'll have to decline."

"Don't wanna mess with a perfect night."

"Your lips are tempting."

BEWITCHED

"You must be something rare."

"We got all night to do the wrongs that feel right."

"I'm out of my depth with you in that dress."

"You don't make it fair."

"I try to act cool but who I am trying to fool."

"You're driving me crazy."

"You're like magic."

"I'm bewitched by your kiss."

"I've never met anybody else like this."

HUMPHREY BOGART

"You add a little bit of color to the picture."

"I could look atcha all day."

"I think I got a little lucky."

"God knew what he was doing when he made you."

THIS FEELS RIGHT

"You drive me a little bit crazy."

"I guess crazy attracts crazy."

"This feels right, coming home to you every night."

"Your love keeps me living."

"I knew that you were mine from the second that you walked in."

"You make loving you so easy."

"You make loving me seem easy."

BORED TOGETHER

"Honey, I'm home."

"Glad we're alone."

"Doing nothing with you is what I love doing."

"I wanna be bored together."

"I wanna grow old with you."

"Day to day is where life is lived and where real love is."

TALKING TO A MEMORY

"I'm talking to a memory."

"Can you hear me?"

"I'm haunted by the moments of what we used to be."

"I can't help believing you're haunted by me."

"The world is empty when you're not there."

"The ending came too soon but it made us who we are."

"We'll be haunting each others dreams."

[lilcatdraws]

Red Silk

Ledger!Joker x Nolanverse!Harley - Oneshot

Warnings: Violence, murder, just J things, implied smut

Summary: Harleen makes her debut as Harley Quinn and now that they have officially declared themselves a couple, Joker starts to show her more and more of his romantic side. Takes place directly after Fire Meet Gasoline.

Author's Note: OH MY GOD. This was supposed to be done 3 weeks ago. The procrastination struggle is real. Anyway this is the oneshot that goes with this art I posted. I’ve had that specific scene in my head forever so I needed to write it out. As always enjoy! <3

Joker helped Harley down from the stairs and led her by the hand through the alleyway.

"What are we doing?" Harley asked him quietly.

"We're going to blow something up.”

Harley raised an eyebrow. Before Joker could respond, a car skidded to a halt in front of them. He ushered her into the back seat with him. The driver glanced into the mirror, making eye contact with Joker. He eyed Harley suspiciously.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Frost. She’s with me.”

The driver, Frost, nodded but still seemed wary of the newcomer. Harley eyed him right back, observing him. He had shaggy brown hair, sharp blue eyes, and a little stubble on his chin. He looked hardened and experienced, a lot like Joker sometimes did without his makeup.

After an awkward silence, Joker cleared his throat. “Uh, I guess I should introduce ya. Harley, this is Frost, my most trusted right hand man. Frost, this is Harley. She’s that girl I’ve been telling you about.” 

“Nice to meet ya.” Frost said gruffly as he started the car up.

They drove in silence for a while. Joker fidgeted with his knife, flicking open and closed. He seemed antsy, like he couldn’t wait to get where they were going. Harley still had no clue what was happening.

“J, what are we doing?” She finally asked.

“We are destroying a club owned by what’s left of that hot headed Gambol’s organization. After I killed the idiot, his whole operation went to shit and there’s been a power struggle since then. My guys took a hit a few weeks ago when they attacked us on our own turf. Time for some payback.” 

Frost grumbled in agreement. 

“So what’s the plan?”

“We’ll go inside and mess around with ‘em a little bit. Then attack and kill the goons and the leader. When we come out, the button gets pressed and the whole place goes up in smoke. I’ve already planted the explosives.” Joker explained in between gleeful giggles.

Harley’s eyes widened and she gulped. She didn’t know if she could stomach that or not. Joker seemed to catch on to her discomfort.

“Remember our deal, Harley. I warned you it was gonna be like this. You can stay in the car if you don’t want to do this anymore.”

Harley thought for a moment, took a deep breath, and confidently shook her head. This was her chance and she was not gonna blow it.

“No. I’ll be alright.”

“You sure?” 

“Yes, J. I’m sure.”

Just as she said that, Frost stopped the car in an alleyway across from an old looking building. Joker stepped out and grabbed Harley’s hand, helping her out of the vehicle. They approached the back door with Frost leading the way.

Joker leaned down and whispered to Harley, “Stay behind me. Just watch and learn. Oh and here…”

He reached into his pocket and produced the detonator. He handed it to Harley. 

“I want ya to press the button when we come out. Okay?”

Harley nodded. Frost kicked the door in and stepped aside. Joker waltzed right in like he owned the place with Harley following timidly behind. 

The usually lively club was closed for the night due to a meeting that was being held by the group’s leader, Little G, Gambol’s nephew. The men seated at the table looked up from their heated discussions in surprise. They drew their weapons instinctively and eyed the clown with disgust. Joker threw his hands up innocently and smiled.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. There’s no need for all that. I’m just here to talk.”

“Then talk, you fuckin’ psycho.” Little G spat. 

Harley saw a glint of irritation in Joker’s eyes at being called a psycho but he just brushed it off with another charming smile. 

“It’s, uh, my understanding that you took out a chunk of my guys a few weeks back. Why would you, uh, do such a thing?” 

Little G ignored his question and finally noticed Harley lingering behind Joker. 

“Who’s the little lady?”

Harley narrowed her eyes. Men. Always underestimating her.

“This is my new partner, Harley Quinn. She decided to join me for tonight’s little outing. Now, you didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know, man. Why you gotta come on my turf startin’ shit?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Joker started advancing towards the table with Frost close behind. The men with guns grew nervous and shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly, on the side closest to Frost, a younger guy’s finger slipped and fired a wild shot in the air. Then the chaos ensued. 

Harley ducked for cover. She watched in awe as Joker and Frost took out the slew of men in a matter of minutes, dodging swarms of bullets and shooting with such precision. 

One henchman dawdling in the back lunged at Harley with a knife. She dodged, knocked it out of his hand, and kicked him in the face forcefully with the hard toe of her boot, causing the man to fall backwards unconscious. Joker saw and smiled approvingly at Harley. 

Once all the goons were dead, Little G stood up with a snarl of rage and attempted to shoot but Joker was one step ahead and shot him in the neck. He fell back into his chair, blood spewing out everywhere. Joker and Frost bolted towards the door and Harley darted out behind them. The three climbed into the car and Frost sped away immediately.  

“Now Harley!” Joker shouted.

Harley pressed the button. The building instantly exploded. Joker and Harley whipped around to watch through the back windshield. Harley with wide eyes and Joker with manic glee. He cackled as he watched the flames consume the club in the distance. He didn’t turn around until the explosion couldn’t be seen anymore.

Harley’s heart was still racing. She’d never felt so alive. It was absolutely exhilarating.

Joker was so proud of his girl. He would never forget the fire he saw in her sapphire eyes as she knocked the goon on his ass. It meant there was some darker, aggressive side to her that he hadn’t seen until now. He did believe that she was as innocent and sweet as she always acted but that wasn’t entirely her. 

Bringing this other side out of her would be a challenge. She’d buried her real self for so long for the sake of normalcy and professionalism. It made Joker sick to think such potential had gone to waste. Why should Harley have to hide who she is? She was perfect and he wanted all of her. Every flaw, every quirk, everything.

Confessing his feelings to her was going to be another obstacle. Then he remembered their conversation before they left the apartment.

Oh no. Did I…? Shit.

He recalled his words from earlier and nodded to himself in reassurance. He only scratched the surface of how he truly felt. He never said that he loved her. He was talking about her personality and her beauty and he said he loved that about her. He breathed a sigh of relief. 

He did love Harley. He loved her so much it made his head spin. But those three little words had a lot of meaning. He had to wait for the perfect timing. Especially since he didn’t even know how he was going to do it. The emotions he was experiencing were something strange and foreign to him. It made him feel really good but uncomfortable at the same time. Like a burning sensation that wouldn’t go away. 

Yet he wanted to say it so bad, scream it from the rooftops even, but he couldn’t do it. Everytime he tried, his mouth betrayed him.

Joker made up his mind. Tonight was the night. Screw waiting until the time was right. He was going to make it the right time. He didn’t care how, he was getting it off his chest. He couldn’t wait any longer.

The car skidded to a halt as Frost pulled up to the abandoned apartment building. Joker nodded his thanks as he and Harley got out. Frost nodded back and sped off. 

Harley chuckled and glanced up at Joker. “He’s a man of few words, huh?” 

“Yeah. Frost keeps to himself. But I’m telling ya he’s a good one. He’s been with me since the start.” 

They climbed up the ladder back to the apartment and crawled through the window. Harley landed on the floor with a thud. 

“You really need to get a door.” She complained.

Joker smirked and scooped her up into his arms.

“Harley, you were…amazing!” He exclaimed as he carried her bridal style to the bed. 

Harley giggled. “Thanks.”

It was 1 in the morning but the two clowns were far from tired. The eventful night was just getting started.

Joker laid her down gently and sat next to her, staring lovingly. “I really liked the way you knocked out that guy. I’d like to see more of that spunk from you.”

Harley blushed. “It was nothing. I just got lucky.” 

“Nah. I saw you defend yourself against those thugs in the alley. You have what it takes, you just need more practice.”

“Really? If you say so.” 

Harley turned away and started undressing, taking off the different pieces of her outfit with care. When she got to the reddish flannel, she slid it off and threw it on the couch.

“Hey, that’s mine.” Joker noticed.

“Yeah, I kinda borrowed it. Sorry.” Harley said with a sheepish smile.

“Eh, you can have it. I never wear that one anyway. Not really my color.”

Joker undressed himself next, only leaving on his purple boxers. He curled up next to Harley, resting his hand on her belly and humming a random tune softly. She felt the vibrations on her shoulder. It reminded her of a cat purring.

Glancing down at her and once again admiring how beautiful she was, Joker felt something strong take hold of him. Mixed with that and the need to confess his feelings to her, he felt like he might explode. But he had to be gentle. If he wasn’t, all their progress would be undone. 

“Harley, sweet girl, I can’t keep myself together anymore. I need ya so bad. I know last week you said that you weren’t ready for anything more yet. But, uh, do you wanna give it a try tonight?” Joker asked, treading carefully.

Harley was quiet for a while, her blue eyes were swirling with thoughts Joker couldn’t read. He inwardly cringed and hoped he didn’t upset her. Finally she looked up at him thoughtfully.

“I-I guess I’m ready now. I trust you. It’s just that… I don’t think I’ll be good enough. This would be my first time when I, um, have a choice. And to be honest, I really don’t know what to do.”

Joker fully understood the assignment now. This would essentially be her first time so it had to be perfect. He slid his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek.

“That’s okay. I can guide you. And doll, don’t ever say you’re not good enough. You are.”

“Y-You don’t think I’m dirty? Or used up?” 

“No. Not at all. And I’m not kidding when I say you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Harley smiled to herself and rested her head on his chest. Joker’s heart raced knowing this was his moment. He had to tell her now.

“Harley, I couldn’t really articulate what I wanted to tell you before we left but um…you make me feel a certain way and I…I guess what I’m trying to say is…I love you.”

Harley looked up at him in shock. Did she hear him correctly?

“What? What did you say?” 

“I said, uh, I love you.”

Anybody else would just shrug off that statement. Those words were thrown around flippantly by people on the daily. Harley knew better. Joker was different. Emotions were a hard thing for him. For him to admit he loved someone was significant. She still couldn’t believe it.

“J…did you mean that?”

“Every word.”

Harley propped herself up and cupped Joker’s face, boring her blue eyes into his dark pools of brown. She kissed him softly and whispered, “I love you too.”

…

Groggily, Harley sat up and rubbed her eyes. The night before came back to her slowly. She blushed, realizing it was all real and not just a wonderful dream. She pulled the sheet up over her naked body and looked around. Joker slept peacefully next to her, also naked. She smiled as she stared at his unusually relaxed face. Sunlight streamed in through the curtains behind them, illuminating his now partially gone makeup.

Harley carefully got up from the bed and tiptoed to the bathroom for a shower. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and quietly gasped. Her hair was a wild, tangled mess and there were love bites and bruises lining her neck down to her abdomen. 

She thought back to last night fondly as she turned on the water. It was scary and reminded her way too much of her past experiences but in the moment Joker took it all away. She felt safe with him. He didn’t do anything without asking her first and made sure she was okay and that he wasn’t going too far. All while whispering encouragements and affections into her ear, with a gentleness that no one would expect from The Joker.

The water finally warmed up so Harley stepped into the tub and went to close the shower curtain but a hand stopped her. She peeked around the curtain and smiled softly when she saw Joker. He looked back at her with that boyish smirk of his, sending butterflies right to Harley’s stomach.

“Good mornin’.” Joker greeted her.

“Morning, J.” Harley replied sweetly.

“Mind if I join you?”

“No.” Harley said with a shrug and stepped aside so Joker could get in.

At first they stood with their backs to each other, quietly washing themselves and taking turns standing under the showerhead. Quickly growing bored, Joker decided to have some fun. He playfully spun Harley around to face him and lifted her chin, gazing into her eyes. He went in for a kiss and Harley returned the gesture, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling his hair, and clawing his skin. She bit his lower lip and swirled her tongue across the scar, making him moan faintly. She recently found out that he loved it when she did that. 

They rocked against the wall, kissing and gasping for air. They could’ve gone on like that for hours but suddenly Joker lost his footing and caused them both to fall down, hitting the tub with a splash. They stared at each other for a second and then burst out laughing.

“You idiot.” Harley teased him with a playful shove.

Joker snickered and shut off the water since it was getting cold. He helped Harley out of the tub and tossed her a towel. After they dried off, cleaned up the water in the floor, and got dressed, Joker went into the kitchen and Harley sat down at the table to braid her hair.

“Want some french toast?” Joker asked.

“Ooh, yeah. I haven’t had that in forever.” 

…

The next few days went by as another break period for Joker. He used the time to regroup his henchmen and plot and scheme. Today was different though. He was planning to do something with Harley he’d been meaning to do for a while.

Since she got evicted she’d lost all of her possessions except for that change of clothes and whatever was in her bag. Joker felt bad about her living with him without any other clothes and things of her own. So he decided to make it up to her.

When Joker told her they were going shopping, she practically squealed with delight. She was ready to go in an instant and before he could blink, she was dragging Joker down the ladder and into the alleyway. They would walk since the stores weren’t that far. Just as Harley was about to skip away, she paused and looked back at Joker.

“Hey, what about your face?” She asked.

 “Uh, what about it?” Joker retorted.

“Won’t you get recognized going out like that?”

Joker just smirked and fished a purple scarf out of his pocket. He fastened it around his neck and made it so it covered up his scars. “Tadaaa.” 

Harley felt dumb for questioning him. Of course he knew what he was doing. He lived with those scars long enough to know how to go out in public without being noticed. 

The two clasped hands and continued their walk down the sidewalk. Joker wasn’t very enthused about going shopping. He hated it intensely but he was doing this for Harley so he forced himself to tough it out. Besides, since they were officially a couple now, the apartment really needed to be upgraded. They needed a bigger bed, new sheets, new curtains, etc. Really they were both benefiting from this.

At the store Harley got the things she needed like hygiene stuff and new clothes. While they were at it they bought home essentials, including a whole new set of bedding that was a golden yellow color with a purple floral design. 

Harley pointed out they got a bigger size than the bed they had but Joker briefly explained that while they were away a few of his goons were moving a new bed into the apartment.

Once they got back to the apartment to unload everything, Harley remembered when she got evicted and the landlord had thrown everything out into the street, she hid some stuff behind the dumpster so she could come back for it. With everything that was happening lately she totally forgot. 

“J?” Harley called from the kitchen.

“Yeah?” Joker replied.

“If you don't mind, I wanna go back to my old place and check something out.”

“Anything for you, doll.”

One long taxi ride later, they were on the other side of Gotham outside Harley’s old apartment building. She walked around the side towards the alley. Joker followed her, watching their surroundings with a keen eye.

“It should be somewhere around… Ha! Right here.” Harley said as she pulled the dumpster away from the wall. 

Joker jumped in to help her. Miscellaneous things piled up behind it fell over and spilled out in front of them. Harley knelt beside the pile and started going through it.

“What exactly are you looking for?” Joker asked, leaning against the wall.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember what I hid. It was so long ago and I was in a rush.” 

“Take your time then.” 

Harley nodded, skimming through some papers and ripping a few up that had her information on them. Joker lit a cigarette while he waited for her to finish. 

After several minutes, Harley ended up with a few pieces of clothing that weren’t ruined from the elements, an envelope full of pictures, and a box of books. Joker carried the box for her since it was very heavy. They hailed another taxi and started back towards their apartment. Joker never told drivers to go to their exact location unless they were his. This time he told the driver a street across.

“I’m so happy I got my books back. Some of these I’ve had since I was a kid. I’ve always been a bookworm. I can read some to you if you want.” Harley suggested to Joker as they walked back to the apartment.

Joker hummed. “I’d love that.”

…

The next day

Harley was sitting on the new bed folding some laundry when Joker walked by all dressed up and it wasn’t his typical purple suit. He wore a lilac colored dress shirt with a black vest and black pants. He looked sharp.

“Where are you going?” Harley asked him. 

“Um, I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go with me to a place one of my guys owns. I need to scope it out anyway but I figured we could make a night out of it.” Joker said, shifting his feet anxiously.

Harley found his nervousness adorable. “Sooo like a date?”

“Yeah. A date. Unless you don’t wanna. I mean…” 

Harley rose to her feet and kissed him so he’d shut up. She pulled away with a warm smile.

“Yes, I’d love to. But what am I gonna wear? I don't have any nice clothes.”

“Don’t worry about that. I got you something while you were distracted yesterday. I just didn’t know when to give it to you.”

Joker grabbed a bag from underneath the bed and handed it to Harley. She opened it, gasping after seeing the contents. She held up a red halter dress and a pair of maroon heels.

“Oh J…it’s beautiful. I love it!” She exclaimed and gave him a big hug, practically knocking him over.

Joker chuckled. “I’m glad you like it, Harls. Now go get dressed. We need to get going soon.”

Harley ran to the bathroom with an excited noise, bag in hand. Joker rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch, waiting for her to get ready. When Harley came back out, playfully spinning in a circle, his jaw nearly dropped. He was so glad he picked that dress. It suited her so well. 

He ushered Harley towards the window so they could get going. Harley didn’t know how he expected her to climb down the ladder in heels. But she didn’t have to worry because Joker picked her up and carried her down like the gentleman he was.

There was a black car parked in the alleyway waiting on them. They got in the backseats and immediately the driver drove off. Joker didn’t even have to tell him where to go. Their destination wasn’t that far of a drive. Within 15 minutes they arrived.

The place Joker’s goon owned was to Harley’s dread a nightclub. She was bracing herself for a rowdy mob of people and loud obnoxious music. This was Joker’s idea of a date? When they got inside, Harley now saw that it was in fact a club but was actually pretty tame. There was a bar and something that resembled a dance floor but there were fewer people and the music was actually coherent songs and way quieter. This suited her much better.

As Joker went to find a place to sit down, he spotted Frost sitting at a table in the back corner. He led Harley over to a circle booth behind Frost’s table and the two of them sat down.

“I thought this was your night off, Frostie.” Joker said to the other man, looking across the room for something.

“Yeah. I’m spending it here. Can’t be too careful.” Frost replied, also scanning the room.

“Smart man.” 

Harley rolled her eyes. Something was up about this place but it didn’t matter to her. This was supposed to be a date. She hugged Joker’s arm, subtly hinting, hey, I’m still here.

Joker looked back at her and realized. “Oh, sorry Harls. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be working right now. I’ll let Frost handle it.”

Frost could be heard chuckling behind them.

“Whatcha want to eat, doll?” Joker asked, ignoring his wing man.

Harley shrugged. “I’ll eat whatever you will.”

Joker ordered some food and when it came, took off his scarf once all the wait staff was gone. They were seated in a dark back corner so no one would notice him. 

They ate the pizza and breadsticks he ordered quietly for a while. It was getting a bit awkward so Joker tried a little comedic relief. He folded a slice of pizza in half like a taco and got a laugh out of Harley.

Joker grinned. “What?”

“I’ve never seen anybody do that before. That’s kinda weird.” 

“Weird is my middle name. Wait ‘til you find out I dip pizza crust in soda.”

Harley giggled again as Joker dipped his crust into his glass of cola and took a bite. He was about to take another but saw the waitress coming in his peripheral and quickly slipped the scarf back on. She handed Joker the bill and told him where to pay. Joker nodded along but Harley knew better. As if he’d actually pay.

After the waitress left, Joker took off the scarf again. He put it in his pocket, clearly annoyed with having to keep changing.

Harley slid out of the booth. “I’ll be back. I’m going to the bathroom.”

Joker nodded. He watched Harley go and then turned to talk to Frost some more.

As Harley came out of the bathroom, she noticed decorative red silks dangling nearby. They weren’t quite aerial silks but because of her time as a gymnast, they certainly reminded her of them. She ran her fingers along the silk and got an idea. This would really get Joker’s attention. She kicked her heels off and began to climb.

Joker and Frost’s conversation was interrupted by gasps and murmurs that broke out in the club. Joker looked up to see what the deal was. He didn’t see a problem until Frost nudged him and pointed. He looked over in that direction and a smile stretched across his face. 

Oh. How could I miss that?

Harley was draped over the red silks near the dance floor, swinging gracefully along with the background music. Joker looked on, mesmerized by the beautiful sight. The red silks wrapped around her body were a brighter red than her dress and shimmered in the dim light. 

Joker forgot all about why he was at the club in the first place. His little stake out with Frost could wait. Right now his girl was begging for more of his attention. Multitasking on a date wasn’t a good idea anyway. 

He smirked and walked over, pulling his scarf back over his face. Harley hung upside down with a mischievous grin as Joker approached her.

“Hey pretty girl. How’d you learn how to do that?” Joker purred.

“I was a gymnast, remember?”

Joker nodded, remembering her telling him about her gymnastics all those nights ago when they would talk in the alleyway.

“You sure are causing a spectacle.”

“What? There weren’t any signs.” Harley said playfully.

Joker feigned a horrified gasp. “But you’re ruining the decor.”

“Pfft. I could care less. Wanna join me?”

“Uh, no. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be as graceful as you, darlin’.”

Joker lowered his scarf slightly and kissed Harley while she was still upside down. She giggled and unraveled herself from the silks, landing on her feet elegantly. 

“Let’s get out of here.” She said as she slid her heels back on.

“Yeah. This place smells of a rat.” Joker growled in a low voice.

They walked towards the exit, holding hands the whole way. Joker turned his head and gave Frost a quick glance as they passed by his table. Frost met his eyes and understood. They were totally blowing up the place later.

“Where do you wanna go now? It’s still early.” Joker asked Harley once they were back in the car.

“I don’t know. It’s really pretty out tonight. I’d love to just sit and stargaze.” Harley replied, looking out the window at the night sky.

“Okay... I know a place.” 

When the car came to a stop, Harley looked around and raised an eyebrow. “J, this is just the apartment.”

“I know. Follow me.”

Joker got out of the car and walked up to the ladder with Harley following behind. This time instead of stopping at the window, Joker kept going all the way up until they reached the roof. He plopped himself down and helped Harley up, making sure she didn’t fall. Harley wrapped her arms around his torso and held him close. She felt safer that way.

“You said you wanted to stargaze. Well, here ya go. It’s not the best view in Gotham but you can see the sky. I come up here a lot when I can't sleep. It’s a good place to think.” Joker said, putting his arm around Harley.

“It’s beautiful.” Harley responded, gazing upwards and admiring the sky.

They were quiet for a few moments, lost in thought and a sea of stars. 

“Did you like going out tonight?” Joker finally broke the silence.

“Yeah. It was fun. We should go out again sometime. Well, somewhere different since you’re gonna blow that place up.” Harley replied with a chuckle.

Joker snickered. “How did you know?”

“You and Frost kinda have this secret code where you’ll look at each other and know what it means. Plus I saw your phone in the car.” 

“Heh. You’re very observant. That’s good. In this line of work you have to pay close attention to things cause if ya don’t it could getcha killed. I got a scar to prove it.” 

“I think I can handle myself. I could fight Batman if I wanted to.” 

That made Joker really laugh. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, doll. You’re good but you still have lots more to learn. I haven’t even seen you use a gun yet.” 

“Hmph. I look forward to beating you in a shooting match then. I bet you can’t hit squat.” Harley teased, fully knowing Joker was an extremely good shot.

Joker grinned, a hint of mischief in his eyes. “Ohhh you’re on.”