#we're gonna get fucked sideways but it's whatever

[allpromarlo]

am i getting into a whole new thing bc i want to distract myself from the imminent disaster on sunday? absolutely

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Here, have a casual glimpse into my thought patterns and creative process:

*just scrolling about Tumblr and vibing to "Too Much Wine" by The Fratellis*

Too much wine?

Mihawk?

Mihawk drunk??

Wait wait wait WAIT what are they all like drunk?

GASP s h i n y h e a d c a n o n s

BLANK DOCUMENT HERE I FCKEN COME—

So anyway here's some headcanons about drinking too much (insert adult beverage of choice) with the OPLA boyos.

Implied that Reader is already in a relationship with each character in question.

I shall call it.......

HAMMERED

OPLA!Zoro, Sanji, Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy X AFAB!Reader

NSFW Headcanons

Kinda Kinktober I guess? Borderline shitpost, I had way too much fun with this.

♫♬♫ Too Much Wine - The Fratellis ♫♬♫

I'll take the mead from the table

Talk straight while I'm able

Until I'm nothin' less than a crime

Zoro

"Y'know, I actually have four swords, but we're gonna have to go somewhere more private if you wanna see the other one."

Rum, sake, beer, wine, whatever you're down for drinking so is he.

Zoro's got incredibly high endurance and stamina—it's going to take a while for him to show that it's affecting him at all, but once it does, he goes from zero to one hundred faster than you can say "onigiri."

Literally no in between, no tipsy or buzzed. Just sober and then stumbling over his own feet and swearing he absolutely is not drunk the whole time.

All those repressed emotions that he hides behind a mask of dry sarcasm on a day to day basis are coming out in full effect.

That means you're getting one of two Zoros—goofy Zoro or sad Zoro.

Goofy Zoro's going to have his arm around your shoulders, laughing his ass off about that time he caught that idiot Marine brat swinging his sword around bare-ass naked so he chopped off half his hair.

He's likely to get pretty flirty in this state, even downright playful, especially if you initiate it, and it's almost definitely going to end in him dragging you somewhere private to fuck your brains out, because his restraint is totally out the window at this point.

If you end up with sad Zoro, he'll be laying his head in your lap and slurringly asking whether or not you think he's ever really going to be the best swordsman in the world, probably still beating himself up over losing to Mihawk.

Just comb your fingers through his hair and do your best to reassure him that you love him and genuinely believe in him. Whether it works or not, he's going ti end up falling asleep in your lap, so be prepared to be stuck there for a while.

"But like...you really think, like, I can beat that bird-eyed bastard? I mean he fucked me up with a goddamn butterknife."

Sanji

"There we are—a beautiful drink for a beautiful woman."

Turbo Flirt Mode: activated.

Sanji is all for pairing wine with food, but if you're looking to get a little sideways, he's going to want to show off his mixology skills to impress you—and he's going to be making some dangerous concoctions, the kind that taste like there's not a drop of booze in them.

The more lit he gets, the less subtle the flirting. If you thought he was clingy sober, you are in for a surprise, because that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Head on your shoulder, puppy dog eyes, telling you how pretty you are and how much he adores you every thirty seconds, with a big silly grin like you're the most amazing thing he's ever seen.

Brushing his lips along your neck and murmuring all the things he's going to do to you once the two of you are behind closed doors later—and he means every one of them, because you're utterly irresistible to him in this state.

He wants you giggling and blushing just as much as he wants you moaning and trembling under his touch.

Super playful once you are alone, even moreso than usual. He's definitely going to suggest doing body shots, he will beg if he has to, but honestly who in their right mind is going to turn him down?

"You're just...just so—so beautiful—honestly, it should be illegal."

Shanks

"Hold—hold my rum—no, no, just for a moment, I wanna see if I can do a backflip off the railing—"

Spoiler alert: he can't. Now he's lying on the quarterdeck alternating between hysterical laughter and "Oh God that hurt—"

Probably the most fun drunk in the world, but he can be a hazard to his own health as his judgement begins to lapse so someone's going to have to keep an eye on him.

If you're at a tavern or otherwise public location, do not under any circumstances let the man out of your sight for more than two seconds. He turns into a straight-up child, he can and will wander off, and you'll find him a mile away on top of a building, likely half-naked and singing sea shanties at the top of his lungs, with no clue as to how he got up there...or how to get back down.

He's developed quite a high tolerance over the years and tends mostly toward dark rum, though he won't turn down a stein of ale or beer.

Total life of the party energy—telling jokes and stories, he just wants to see everyone laughing and having the absolute best time.

Super, super flirty, he may as well have written the book on pick-up lines; and he doesn't care that you're already together, he's going to drop every single one of them on you just to see how much he can make you giggle or roll your eyes.

He's very likely to pull you onto his lap at some point and make out with you like no one's watching—he already doesn't really care who sees when you're both sober, but he really doesn't care after a little too much rum, so it's probably best to coax him to bed at this point.

He's perfectly happy with cuddling up, laying his head on your chest and draping his arm over you, just humming in contentment and falling asleep together...but if you want more, don't expect to get much sleep, because he wants you lasciviously.

To taste every inch of you, to suffocate between your thighs until you're screaming, to pull you onto his cock and watch you ride him until you're both too breathless and exhausted to do anything but tangle yourselves together in the sheets and drift off to sleep between slow, sensual kisses.

"Oh, princess, just when I catch my breath, you make me lose it all over again."

Mihawk

"If you insist on being such a brat about this, you're going to get what's coming to you."

Mihawk has a strong drive to be in total control of himself and everything happening around him at all times, which means he doesn't tend toward getting drunk.

But...he also has this wee little problem with his ego being larger than the entire volume of every combined ocean in the world. If you imply that you could drink him under the table...he's probably going to sneer and tell you to quit being a brat, but he's also going to be quite driven to prove you wrong.

He does love his wine, but it's generally only a glass or two to wind down and relax—he's definitely got a nice bottle of aged bourbon or eau de vie tucked away somewhere that's going to be coming out, because he's got something to prove now.

Unfortunately for him, due to the fact that he so rarely drinks heavily...he's a bit of a lightweight. Which he won't admit even to himself.

But it barely takes a single lowball of harder liquor to get that pale complexion of his a little flushed.

Perhaps just over three for him to start blinking a bit harder than normal in a futile attempt to get his vision to focus, to start speaking a bit slower to attempt to hide the slight slur in his words as you taunt him about it—which honestly only makes it more pronounced, and more amusing.

You had best enjoy it, because it's probably the only time you're going to hear the words, "Fine, you win," come out of his mouth—as well as perhaps the only time he won't be miffed about conceding. The alcohol in his system has him loosened up just enough that he can't pretend he doesn't find your boldness and sass at least a bit endearing...and even more alluring.

That being said, you're still getting punished for it, teased within an inch of your sanity, and he's going to enjoy every single second of it.

Setting his glass aside, plucking yours from your hand, pinning your hands above your head with a devilish smirk and slowly undressing you, his eyes on yours the entire time.

Trailing his fingertips across your bare skin, drawing closer and closer but never quite giving you want you want, his lips barely brushing against your neck, reminding you in an amused murmur in your ear that he could easily do this all night.

You did have the audacity to challenge him, after all—he has no choice but to remind you who's in charge.

"What is it, my little bird? Did you think you were going to get a consolation prize? You're still going to have to beg."

Buggy

"Bet you two thousand Berries I can shotgun two beers at once, watch this—"

And he basically ends up halfway drowning himself, but hey, you're two thousand Berries richer!

Honestly, there's no party like a Buggy party, because a Buggy party doesn't stop until someone loses a limb—probably him.

No, really. Don't let him use his devil fruit abilities. Keep a bucket of sea water on hand if you have to, because he may literally misplace one of his limbs and you're going to have to go on a Chop Chop Scavenger Hunt to help him find it while you're both completely smashed.

If Buggy's drinking, everybody's drinking, and everybody is getting completely fucked up. This is non-negotiable, he thrives on chaos and that's what he's intent on creating.

Anybody who passes out before him is getting something obscene drawn on their face in permanent ink. He can definitely hold his liquor, so if you can keep up with him then you can expect to be the last two living souls left conscious on the whole ship.

That being said, he doesn't care who's awake—things are going to get kinky, and he's really not bothered about anybody watching. Or joining in, for that matter. This whole operation very well may devolve into a drunken orgy if he has any say in the matter.

Then again, it may also devolve into him flopping dramatically across your lap and divulging absolutely all of his trauma in an emotionally-charged alcohol-induced rant. He won't remember it in the morning, so please do him a favor and don't remind him.

"Hey, uhh...I los—I lost my foot again. .....Sor—*hiccup* sorry."

[caberzatto]

rafe thoughts stay plaguing my mind :(

you stood in front of your mirror looking over the outfit you had picked out for your date with rafe. plain navy blue baby tee, white air forces, and a dainty white lacy mini skirt.

mini would be an understatement to how short the garment actually is. the frilly hem of the skirt sat just high enough on your thighs that if you crouched over - well let's just say you'd receive a plentiful amount of gawks and hushed comments over it.

regardless, all that matters is that you felt cute in it and the fact that it shows off your legs - one of rafe's countless weaknesses when it comes to you. which luckily, was precisely the plan.

rafe never shies away from praising you, whether it's letting you know how pretty your hair looks one day, or complimenting your radiant smile, or how sexy you look in the clothes he bought for you - least of all your body. every curve. every inch. he loves it all.

just as you made the final adjustments to your clothing you heard your boyfriend's voice call out from downstairs. "hey, kid, m'here. you ready to go?"

"hey baby, yeah i'm ready. be right down!"

spinning on your heel you headed to your bedroom door, grabbing your phone off the vanity and one of your shoulder bags off the handle before heading downstairs to greet rafe.

"hiii," you chimed chipperly as you met rafe's gaze, his head instantly raising from whatever had him distracted on his phone, meeting your eyes with a soft smile as he shoved his phone in his pocket.

"hi, kiddo," his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, yours around his neck, giving you a whiff of the musky cologne you had gifted him a while ago. your heart warmed as you smiled to yourself, realizing that it's the only one he's worn since.

"you ready to go?" you asked him, pulling back, eager to finally get out of the house and spend a relaxing day with your boyfriend - hopefully somewhere where you can have a nice cold not-so-virgin drink in your hand.

the perky smile you had on quickly faded once you noticed rafe staring at you - at your outfit, a blank expression plastered on his face. "what? 's'there something wrong with my outfit - ugh, is there a stain somewhere?" your manicured fingers brushed over your skirt as you twisted sideways in an attempt to search the back for stains, causing the hem to raise slightly - but just enough to give rafe a perfect view of the pretty lace panties you had on.

all of a sudden you were being backed into a wall, rafe's hands held firmly on your waist. you gripped his sculpted shoulders to keep yourself from falling backwards flat on your ass.

"change of plans kiddo, we're staying home today."

"rafe what-"

"think you can put on that tube top of a skirt and not expect a reaction from me, hmm kid?" a hand slithered down from your waist to grab a handful of your ass, scrunching the white lace fabric in the process, "half your ass out for the world to see huh?"

just as planned.

"rafe, i have no idea what you're talking about."

lie.

you absolutely knew that your rather skimpy outfit would warrant a reaction from your boyfriend. and even though you had hopes of actually going out today, the idea of having rafe's hand between your legs was far better than having an ice-cold drink in yours.

"'s'that right? cause'm pretty sure this is exactly what you wanted, isn't it?" his hand snaked lower from your ass, making sure to run his fingertips leisurely over your soft skin, further and further down until they were tracing over the textured fabric of your lace underwear.

your pretty tinted lips parted slightly releasing a shaky, breathy exhale as you felt rafe's fingers press down on your clad clit. your panties were practically soaked now, a desperate plea for him to grace you with the sweet release you needed so bad.

"rafe-"

"if you wanted me so bad you coulda just said so, kid. but don't worry, kiddo...gonna fuck a confession outta you. n' the skirt stays on."

taglist: @minhoshotharness @lovelysturnioloos

[apomaro-mellow]

Every Baby Needs a Daddy 4

Part 3

"And you said yes?", Robin said, her voice impressively even.

"I did", Steve said, phone on speaker as he got ready for work. "I figure, if he's going to have a sugar baby, might as well be me, right? I think this is the universe giving me a break."

"Okay, yeah, sure, until he takes you out and gets you involved in like drugs or something, or takes his anger out on you when he doesn't win a Grammy or something. Or worse, you're a mistress and his actual spouse comes for revenge. OR you actually get really involved with him, help him get even more famous, have very talented children, but then his drug running gets you arrested and when you get out of jail he acts like he doesn't know you and estranges your children!"

Steve paused in putting on his shoes, grinning. "You've been watching Empire."

"Terrence did Taraji so dirty Steve."

"But not enough to learn their characters' names. I need you to catch up so we can watch season 2 together." It hurt being away from her. Before, whenever one of them started obsessing over a show, they could literally sit down and put aside one of their days off to binge a bunch of episodes.

"Sorry, let's get back to you dating a rockstar? Steve? Steve."

"We're not dating. He's just gonna text me whenever he wants to fuck. That's it. He might buy me something nice from time to time." Steve grabbed his keys and went out the door, nearly stepping on something left on the floor in front of it.

"Okay, yeah, sure, but isn't this the reason you cut your parents out? Did they want this exact life for you?", Robin asked.

"No, this is totally different. For one thing, Eddie doesn't want commitment. He doesn't want kids out of me. And even if I attend events with him, I'm just arm candy, but you know, in a good way."

"There's a bad way to be arm candy?"

Steve thought back to the functions he had to go to when still under his parents' thumb. There was definitely a bad way to hang off someone's arm like a decoration. He looked to the little box in his hand. No note, but it had clearly been placed in front of his apartment.

He opened it and found an expensive looking watching inside. The face was a cool navy blue color. He didn't need a card to know who it was from.

"Eddie's different from the guys my parents wanted", Steve said. "And when it's over, I'll at least have something to show for it."

"Just don't be stupid about this, dingus. If this goes sideways, I won't be close by to save your ass."

"Noted", Steve said as he closed the box and continued on his way to work.

-------------------

The next time Eddie texted him, it was to go to lunch. It was a more casual setting than before, but still a pretty high end sushi restaurant.

"I must admit, I called you here under false pretenses, Steve", Eddie said as they sat in a booth.

Steve smiled at his serious tone. "I gathered, given our whole arrangement." Being taken out somewhere was typically a prelude for something intimate later, even in a normal relationship. When Eddie asked him out, Steve full expected sex. He wasn't complaining, last time had been very nice. He wondered how long until Eddie sent a simple 'u up?' booty call.

"I have to attend some fancy lunch meeting in a couple days and they're taking us to a sushi place", Eddie started to explain. "Problem is, I hate sushi."

"...Did you...are we here to train your taste buds or something?", Steve asked.

Eddie nodded. "These are some pretty important people and I can't sit there and tell them my favorite fish is whatever they use for fish sticks."

"Pretty sure it's cod."

"What? Nevermind. I just need to get one of everything and force myself to acquire a taste for it", Eddie said, eyes narrowing in focus at the menu.

Steve smiled. It was cute how serious he was being. He thought back to previous gatherings when some alpha would try and force a drink on him or when the hors d'oeuvres being served weren't to his liking.

"Want some advice?", he offered, continuing when Eddie nodded with his big Bambi eyes, "Instead of forcing yourself to like something, you should be able to say why you don't like something."

"Sounds like complaining", Eddie said, putting the menu down.

"No, you sound cultured", Steve clarified. "Watch." He cleared his throat and held up his glass of water. "Thank you for offering, but I only drink water from a natural spring. I prefer Canadian or Icelandic, but I'll take Swedish if you have it. Nothing from Switzerland though, it has this horrid mineral after taste to it." He set the glass down, adjusting under Eddie's wide eyed gaze.

"I don't know if that was bullshit or not but it sounded legit."

"It's legit what some girl said at a party once. I've never sourced where my water came from, but it works for just about anything. If you can articulate why you don't like something, it comes off better than just saying you don't like it."

"What kind of parties did you go to?", Eddie smirked.

Steve shrunk a little. "Just, you know, parties. So what's your experience with sushi?"

"Supermarket stuff", Eddie said simply.

"....You're kidding. How long have you been a rockstar?"

"I didn't realize this was an interview."

Steve tapped the table as he considered something. He looked to the other part of the restaurant. The bar where chefs were preparing the food. He almost asked Eddie a question directly, but remembered his role as a sugar baby. It wasn't his job to ask how much something would cost or even to ask Eddie to spend the money. All he needed to do was ask for what he wanted.

So he moved over to Eddie's side of the booth and leaned in close to his space. "I think you need something a little more...fresh."

"Fresh?", Eddie echoed as Steve led him to stand.

"And flavorful."

"Uh-huh."

"And satisfying", Steve whispered the last part before sitting down at the bar.

Eddie didn't know when Steve got him here but he did and he ordered something called 'omakase' and suddenly the chef's hands got really busy. He put a little filet of something on rice and then took a blow torch to it.

"I didn't know you could cook the fish..."

It was placed in front of him, but Eddie was still skeptical, which Steve noticed.

"'Omakase' means you're trusting the chef to pick out the best for you", he said. Then Steve took his chopsticks and picked up his piece. He ate it in one bite and Eddie subconsciously swallowed as he watched it pass his beautiful lips and then slide down that gorgeous throat. He wasn't even eating sexily, that was just how far gone he was.

Then Steve picked up Eddie's piece and held it to his lips. Eddie didn't even hesitate to open up and let it in. Tender rice, delicate fish, a total opposite to the sushi he'd experienced before. And it didn't stop there. The chef served cut after cut and each time, Steve asked him what he liked or didn't like.

Eddie was no slouch when it came to language. So he was able to come up with that on his own. He had just never considered respectfully refusing food and to do so with a haughty air deserving of a celebrity.

"Mmm, great choice on the shrimp", Eddie praised the chef. "Texture is superb. Sweet on the tongue too. Nice one, Tatsuro-san."

"Better than the crab?", Steve asked.

"I'm sorry, but nothin' beats an old fashioned crab boil for me. It's the only way I can eat crab."

"You've got opinions and you know how to voice them. I never imagined that be an issue for you, but I think you're ready now."

"Oh I've got opinions out the wazoo. I was just taught to never complain about food."

"Good boy", Tatsuro commented as he prepared something else.

"Very good", Steve agreed as an oyster on a half shell was put in front of him and Eddie.

Tatsuro winked at Eddie and he tried not to think about it as they finished up the course. He was absolutely not thinking about how oysters were an aphrodisiac, or how he'd had a great time, or how this felt like a date and not an outing with a hot piece. He wasn't doing a good job of being a sugar daddy, was he?

Time to fix that up right away. He paid for the meal, leaving a generous tip and led Steve out the restaurant, arm around his waist.

"You were extremely helpful. I can honestly say I like sushi now", he beamed. "And I think excellent service deserves a reward."

"You gonna give me a tip too?", Steve teased. And there was certainly a tip Eddie wanted to give him. Really the whole thing, but he had another idea in mind. And thankfully the appropriate place wasn't too far from here.

"You're buying me a suit?", Steve realized as they walked into a tailor's.

"I've got an eye for these kind of things. And you need something to match your new watch", Eddie said. He had a feeling Steve knew what to do, so he let him free.

Steve gave him a look and Eddie made a 'go on' motion. So Steve went, picking out different pieces for himself to assemble a new suit. There was a man awaiting any need of assistance and did so once Steve came out of the dressing room and stood in front of the mirrors.

Eddie was sitting before him, watching as Steve appraised his reflection and the tailor took some of his measurements. The suit was in silver, with a black shirt underneath. He finished of the look with a dark blue handkerchief in the chest pocket. It already looked great. Eddie knew he'd be breathtaking once it was bespoke. He ached to put his hands on him but public decency kept him from doing so.

"You look good enough to show off", Eddie praised.

"You look like you have somewhere in mind", Steve said, looking at the other man through the mirror.

"There's a shindig goin' down that I wouldn't mind having a date to."

Eddie put in the order for the suit to be done the day before the event. "Let's head back to my place."

This time, as they traveled, Steve was the one who couldn't keep his hands to himself. His hand stroked Eddie's thigh, getting close to where he wanted but never actually touching.

"What're you thinking about?", he asked when he noticed how hard Eddie was holding the wheel.

"Oysters. And you." And how he really should get a personal driver on hand.

Steve laughed softly and let a finger do circles on his crotch. "I think our chef was trying to be subtle. But I know what oysters are supposed to do."

"Oh?"

"And I don't need any culinary suggestion to get me in the mood." Honestly, he kind of felt like blowing Eddie now and probably would have chanced it if it wasn't still light out. "Can you be a good boy like he said?"

Eddie nodded.

"Good. Because we still have to take the elevator."

They didn't get as far as they did the first time they took this elevator but Eddie did attach himself to Steve's back and kissed at his neck. Once again, Steve could see their reflection in the wall. Eddie's eyes roamed his torso, wanting to go further but holding back. He only got bold enough to pinch a nipple through his shirt when the doors opened to their floor.

Steve only moved because of Eddie's prompting, finding it very easy to melt in his hold. They got about two steps out of the elevator before Eddie pushed him against the wall, kissing his lips and running his hands up under his shirt.

"Saw you lookin' at yourself in the elevator. Pretty baby likes how he looks?"

Steve's only response was to moan against his lips and rub against his leg. The closest camera was all the way at the end of the hall, though they'd be screwed if anyone opened up their door. He knew he looked good and liked looking good. And he'd seen the way Eddie's eyes were glued to him at the tailor's. That was a good feeling too.

Eddie took out his key card to open up his door and pulled Steve inside. They migrated to the couch, just needing to get horizontal. Steve lied underneath, Eddie's leg in between his again and providing friction as he rutted up against it. It was so hot, Eddie wanted to watch him get off just like this. If he got his pants off he could watch that sweet pussy drag-

Steve nearly jolted off the couch when a loud guitar riff sounded from Eddie's back pocket.

"Shit", Eddie hissed when he realized who was calling. He could ignore it, but he knew they'd just keep it up until they got to his door.

"You need to take that?", Steve asked, voice a little breathless.

"Just-just gimme a moment, it'll be quick." Eddie answered and Steve could be patient. He just couldn't be good and patient. He rubbed at Eddie's arm before taking his hand in his own. He brought it to his lips and swirled his tongue around his index finger, keeping his gaze down at first and then looking up at Eddie.

The man above him was speechless, up until whoever he was talking to shouted at him from the other end and got his attention again. Well, half of it anyway. The other half was on Steve sucking down two of his fingers now. Eddie groaned both in frustration and the beautiful man under him. Steve was only half following the conversation but it sounded like their time together might be cut short.

Eddie hung up with a sigh. "Baby...baby I gotta go."

"Right now?", Steve asked.

"Yeah but...but if you could, I mean you can stay here until I get done. It'll be quick, just a couple of hours tops. And I can take you out to dinner too."

"You want me to stay?"

Eddie's hair shook as he nodded. He stood up, glad he had a bit of time to calm his boner down. Then he saw Steve lying there on the couch, lips kissed wet and certain his lips farther down were just as glistening. He leaned over to cup him between the legs, feeling the warmth through his clothes.

"Don't forget who this belongs to", he growled when Steve whimpered.

"Okay." And because this man was sent from above, he whispered, "Daddy."

Eddie couldn't hold back then, kissing him hard, tongue marking his insides while rubbing Steve through his pants. He unzipped them, thinking he could just get him off quick when the ringtone sounded again. Pulling back was the hardest thing to do.

"Keep it nice and warm for me", Eddie said before fully removing himself.

"Hurry back."

And then Steve was alone. In a rockstar's hotel room. He thought about what a sugar baby might do when their daddy went off for what must be a very important but impromptu meeting, especially when it stopped such a heated moment. It became very obvious what he needed to do and so he headed straight for the bedroom.

Part 5

I need you to know that when I first envisioned this fic it was literally just supposed to be smut with connecting scenes but it somehow turned to "don't catch feelings" and "oops we're accidentally dating" the fic so here we are.

Tag Team

@awkotaco24 @lingeringmirth @littlewildflowerkitten @estrellami-1 @tartarusknight @velocitytimes2 @mrsjellymunson @trashcanniballecter @marklee-blackmore @dragonmama76 @paintsplatteredandimperfect @a-little-unsteddie @sllooney @starman-jpg @oxidantdreamboat @xxbottlecapx @chaosgremlinmunson @newtstabber @tiny-enthusiast @desidrarry-wolfstarshipper @y4r3luv @hello-fellow-nerds @anonymousbandgirl @alyelf @potato-of-the-lord @beckkthewreck @greatwerewolfbeliever @croatoan-like-its-hot @pluto-pepsi

[heygerald]

Falling Without A Harness - Chapter 12

AU where Tom Ryder is still an asshole, just not a psychotic one. In the aftermath of Tom's simple but complicated favor, Parker is forced to finally face reality, and decide once and for all what she wants.

Read the story here: prev / ...

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Melissa's voice echoed across the empty store, each syllable raspy and drawn out, tinged with the same sort of disbelief that has been simmering in Parker's chest all day. "But holy fuck."

The disbelief spirals and explodes, and Parker can't the help the laugh that is startled out of her from the unexpected curse.

"Excuse me," she drawled, aiming for levity, but falling somewhere in the realm of pure shock. "But since when do you curse?"

"Since about eleven am this morning," Melissa chirped back. She's slouched in the reading chair, hair piled on the top of her head in a janky bun, mascara smeared all along her cheeks, and if Parker hadn't been so thrown off by her sudden use of French, she might have taken a moment to reflect on the fact that this is the most out of sorts she has ever seen the girl look. "It just seemed like a good time to start. And, honestly? I kind of get it now. There really is no other way to express yourself properly, is there? Because—I mean seriously, Park—what the fuck?"

Parker knew that she should be scolding the young girl for her language. The last thing she needed was to garner the wrath of a disgruntled mom on top of everything else that she's dealing with. More importantly, she really didn't want teaching the youth curse words to be on her yearly karma bingo card. But... honestly, Parker couldn't help but agree.

There really was no better way to put it.

"Touché."

"Did you know that he was going to post that?"

Parker arched her brow at Melissa. "Do you think I would have left you to cover the shift alone if I knew that this was going to happen? I don't even follow his Instagram. Although, guess I have to after this, don't I?"

Melissa rolled her eyes, head lolling to the side as she stretched out her arms, back, and neck. "Only you would get an exclusive shout-out from the Tom Ryder and you aren't even following his Insta. Totally unfair, by the way."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is my sudden luck raining on your plans somehow?"

"It's not luck."

Parker slumped on her elbows, a pen stuck sideways in her mouth as she tried to work through her to-do list for closing down the shop. It was hard to concentrate with Melissa's jabbering, though, and it was even harder to find the energy to sweep the shop when she'd much rather just collapse onto her bed. "What else would it be?"

Melissa blinked at her with a tart expression. "Um, hello? You're dating Tom Ryder. That might have something to do with it."

So surprised by the comment, Parker scratched a line across her notepad, and subsequently decided that her to-do list could wait till later. "We're not—I'm not dating Tom."

"Sure," the girl snorted. "He just hangs around your shop all the time, invites you over for parties, gets dinner with you, and—oh yeah—posts you on his Instagram."

"He didn't post me—"

"But, whatever," she continued, already moving on to the next topic. Parker watched as she bent forward and, with a grimace, tried to rub some feeling into her ankles. "I lost feeling in my toes, like, three hours ago. Is that bad? I mean, I'm not gonna have to get an amputation or anything, will I? Because I'm not missing out on Stacy Jordan's sweet sixteen because of you. Her parents rented out this huge dance hall, and they even hired a DJ."

Parker sighed.

Melissa's train of thought was something that she would never be able to keep up with, and today in particular she did not have the stamina to even try. Sourly, she said, "I told you that those shoes weren't very supportive—"

A book is lobbed in her direction, and Parker ducked behind the register before it can make contact.

The loud fwap of it hitting the ground echoes between the two.

"That better not have been a new edition."

"Oh, fuck off," Melissa said.

Parker returned from her hiding spot—back aching when she sits up, neck hurting when she props herself atop an elbow, eyes burning as she squints at the largest stack of receipts she's ever had before—and clucked her tongue. "You know I think I like this new you. You should curse more often."

"Pf. You just want to get rid of the swear jar."

"Well," she hedged, eyes darting to said jar, "it would save me some money. Unless you feel like paying up anytime soon. That's, what, three f-words? I'm not going to turn my nose up at fifteen bucks anytime soon."

Melissa gave an unbothered snort. "You wish."

"So, it's just a punishment for me, then?"

"You won't even need that thing after this week," she pressed on, sinking deeper into the worn out plush of the reading chair as her gaze slowly drifted across the bookstore. The shelves are the emptiest they've ever been, and the decorations they worked meticulously hard to find are in disarray from the constant throng of customers today. It's not a problem they've had before, having to reset the store after closing, but Parker supposes that's a good problem to have. "My feet hurt because of how busy we were, not because of my shoes—which, by the way, I had to wait in line for two hours to get—they will be supportive if I want them to be. Does this mean you'll finally hire Emily?"

"Emily?"

"My best friend. I've introduced you, like, ten times."

Parker conjured up a blurry image of a blonde girl, identical to Melissa in every way except for their different colored hair and eyes, with matching braces to boot. She thought she was nice, but, honestly, she can't really recall. Whatever. "Why would I hire Emily?"

Melissa scowled. "Well, that's rude. Just because she's my best friend doesn't mean that we're going to goof off or anything. She's just as hard of a worker as I am. You'd practically be getting two employees for the price of one if you hired her. Plus, it would drive Maddy H crazy if Emily got to work at Tom Ryder's bookstore and she didn't."

"It's not—" Parker started, before shaking the thought away. Bigger things to focus on, she reminded herself. "I thought we talked about this. I can give you a raise, but I can't afford to hire someone else."

"Uh, correction, you couldn't afford to hire someone else."

Parker puts the stack of receipts away, mind slowly but surely drifting to the next task as she attempts to lock the register down. She would definitely have to stop at the bank tomorrow to deposit their cash from the day—not a problem she had ever had before—and she mentally adds that to the list of musts. "Did I win the lottery without knowing it or something?"

Her question hangs flat in the air, and in response, Melissa curls a disbelieving look in her direction. "You're kidding, right? Did you see how busy we were today?"

"Right, listen," Parker started, but by how intense Melissa's eyeroll was, it was obvious that the teenager would not, in fact, be listening. "One good day of sales doesn't override an entire quarter of awful sales. This was just—just a fluke. I can't just hire Emily on a whim because we had one nice day. Ever heard of a rainy day fund?"

Melissa, hand in the air as she inspects the damage to her manicure, scoffed. "Yeah, but it's not just one good day."

"Are you secretly working at a different bookstore in your free time or something?"

"Oh my god," Melissa moaned, before dropping her boots to the ground with a heavy thud. "Right, you listen."

"Oh, here we go—"

"Park, I know you're big on self decrepitation and whatever—something I'm guessing you learned from your total has been of a brother—"

"Wow. You know, you two have got to figure out whatever this beef is about," Parker interrupted, only to be promptly ignored as Melissa stood.

"But this isn't just going to die down," she said, the stack of bangles on her wrists jangling as she made air quotes to emphasize her point. "Tom Ryder gave you a personal shout-out on his Instagram. That, like, never happens. The only things he posts are selfies, and paid promotions. In February, he posted a three second video about his Erewhon smoothie, and they're still selling out on the daily."

Parker frowned. "Smoothie?"

"So not the point," Melissa grumbled with another jingle of her bracelets. "The point is that this—" she gestured around them, to the bookshelves and the roof and the chair beneath her with one long sweeping motion, "just hit the jackpot. Kay? This is going to go viral, and when it does, you're going to have crowds like today every day."

That doesn't sound right. Parker knows that Tom is famous, that he has millions of followers on all of his social media, and that there are fangirls out there of his even more obsessed with what he does than the one scowling across the room from her. But just because he posted her store doesn't mean that she's going to have throngs of fans outside, day after day.

That sort of thing just... didn't happen.

Not to people like her.

Right?

"Okay, well, I mean," she started, struggling to put her thoughts into words after all of her braincells effectively went on vacation for the weekend. The cash register snapped shut with a metallic clang, and she dangled the key between her hands mindlessly. "Even if we go viral, we'll be popular for a bit, but not for, like, ever. A month, maybe."

Melissa blinked at her in that sort of way that means she's judging her, and when she hefts herself to a stand, Parker can feel the lecture about to come. "Look, I know you're a millennial and you aren't really active online, so I'll break it down for you."

"How gracious," she snarked, rolling her eyes.

"It's going to be like this—like it was today—for weeks. Until something new or something better comes along, but even then you're going to have Influencers coming in for pictures, wanting to stake a claim on this place just like Tom did. Okay? Which means more pictures, more shout-outs, and more people seeing this place on their FYPs."

"FY—?"

"So, yeah, maybe this place isn't going to stay viral forever, but that just means it's all the more important to capitalize on the attention while you can. If people are flocking here just to get stuck in long lines because there's only one employee during the day, then they're going to lose interest faster."

"I know how business work," Parker interjected, offended on her own behalf, but Melissa didn't seem to care one way or the other about her feelings.

"So you know that you need to dress to impress."

Parker narrowed her eyes at the girl shrewdly. She was staring to get that familiar feeling in her gut that Melissa was winding up for some big scheme, and previous experience had proven that when Melissa really wanted something, Parker was helpless but to give in. "Is this just some big production so I'll hire a bunch of your little cheerleading friends?"

The face she made was lethal. "First off, Emily doesn't cheer, she does dance, and that sort of tone is both condescending and so not cool. Secondly, it's an excuse to hire someone else so I don't get stuck like I did today when my boss decides to go gallivanting around town without her phone!"

"I wasn't gallivanting," she defended. "It was, just, an unfortunate—"

"Parker," Melissa said, leaning on her elbows until they were inches apart. "Hire some more people, or you're going to have to work every shift of this store forever because I don't ever want to experience that rush alone again."

Ugh.

The girl had a serious point—about everything, it seemed—but Parker was in no mood to think about any of that. "I already said I'd give you a raise."

"Well, that is a given," she chirped, gathering her purse and jacket from behind the counter. Parker might have been more put off by her attitude if she didn't think the girl deserved a hearty raise. Afterall, she was a little mastermind in her own right, as terrifying as that could be. "But I'd also like to have extra help, and it's no one's business if that extra help is a couple of my friends from school. I take this job seriously, you know. I wouldn't recommend her if she wouldn't be a good employee."

"You're a menace, you know that, right?"

Melissa smiled, and for the first time all day, it seemed more conniving than tired. "I'll send you her resume."

"No, no, no, that's not what I just—"

"And, anyways, she's just as big of a fan of you and Tom as I am. I mean, obviously, she's never met him, but I tell her everything. She totally ships you two. Probably not as much as I do, obviously," she trailed on, finally getting around to swipe the mascara off her cheeks as she bent even closer into Parker's space, "but she's invested. I think it's totally time you post him on your story."

"My what?"

"I mean, he already posted you. Or, you know, your store," she corrected herself, waving a hand around flippantly as if those were the same thing. And, maybe, in the mind of a teenage fangirl, they were. "Relationships are never official until it's on the page."

"We're not—"

"Have you thought about a ship name, yet?" she barreled on, completely ignoring the fact that every extra word she said was only compounded the migraine growing between Parker's temples. "Because I think Ryvers is so, totally cute, but Emily likes Parom better. Although, that sounds a little��"

"Okay, alright, that's it," Parker stood from her stool, and in the matter of seconds had shooed the teenager outside with as much decorum as she could muster. It was ruined, of course, by the bright red blush sprawling across her face like wild fire. "Goodnight, Melissa. Thank you for your help today, I will see you next week."

"But—"

"Goodbye!"

She shut the door with the jingle of the overhead bell and promptly slumped against it. A few beats passed before Melissa's boots clomped off in the direction of the bus stop, and when it fell silent outside, she glanced around. The store at night, with the main lights switched off and the crackled radio drifting from the corner, felt eerily empty after the busy day they had. And while the trash absolutely needed to be taken out, and the shelves needed to be catalogued for what she would have to put in her upcoming order, for the first time ever, Parker decided that there were some things that could wait until tomorrow.

After all, she had a boy to talk to.

---

"Are we dating?"

Tom, dressed down in some Nike sweats and a simple black tee with sleep marks red on the side of his face, blinked at Parker like she was on drugs. And, honestly, she supposed that was a fair assumption to make. After all, it was nearing midnight by the time she pulled into his driveway, unannounced, her hair mussed like a bird's nest from driving the entire way into the Hills with the windows down, and the anxious energy from the day's chaos had yet to make itself useful other than by adding a shakiness to her hands.

And while she had spent the entire drive over contemplating all the things that she wanted to ask him, the first thing that had come out of her mouth when he opened the door was that.

"What?"

Parker winced, anxiously wringing her hands together, before she pressed inside. She supposed having a mansion in the Hills meant that even the closest neighbors were too far away to hear anything, but the idea that there might be someone witnessing what likely could be considered a mental breakdown was not a comforting thought.

"I didn't mean..." she started, shaking her head, before she stooped to untie her shoes. That proved to be an impossible task with how shaky her hands, were, however, and in the end she just kicked them off with a grunt. "That wasn't what I—well, Melissa seems convinced that we are."

Parker could feel his eyes burrowing into her back, and Parker pointedly avoided eye contact as her cheeks flamed a hot red.

"Melissa," he echoed dully.

Cool, she thought to herself. Just be cool.

But the Seavers siblings were not known for their ability to play it cool, and while he drifted after her, Parker miserably tried to think of a way to explain her squirrel-brained thoughts without sounding like a lunatic.

"Well, you know, you posted me on Instagram."

"I didn't post you on my Instagram," he corrected.

And—shit. Wasn't that exactly what she had argued?

Parker was happy that her back was to him as her face flushed an even more indelicate red. It didn't help that there were lamps on all throughout the living room, orange and yellow hues of lighting casting shadows across her already warm face.

"I know, I know, and I told her exactly that, but she has it in her head that posting, well, my shop is the same thing as posting me and then she wouldn't shut up about it today. And now she wants me to hire her friend who is also convinced that we're, you know, dating, and I told her that she's—that that's not—you know..."

The knit of his brows made it painstakingly obvious that Tom didn't know, and honestly how would he? She didn't even know what she was trying to say.

"I... think I need a drink," she muttered, scurrying to the fridge where she withdrew two ice cold bottles of beer. IPAs were not her favorite by a long shot, but there were far more important things to handle, and without hesitating, Parker popped one open. A long swallow followed before she awkwardly slid the second bottle towards Tom. "Maybe I should start again."

His brows disappeared into his hairline, but the moment she met his eye Parker just knew that he was relishing in this particular conversation.

She planted her elbows on the counter, and caught her head in her hands with a whine. "I really wish that you had given me a heads-up about the post."

Whatever was smug withered and died. "A heads-up?"

"Just so I could have been more prepared, you know," she hedged, fingers nervously plucking at the wet label on her beer bottle. "Between the crowds today and my system freezing and Melissa pestering at me about our—you know—whatever, I feel like I've been running around like a headless chicken. It's been a lot to handle."

He was silent for a long moment, and by the time that she dared to glance at him he had managed to shake off any remaining sleepiness. Now, he scowled at her long and hard. "Right, well, next time I'll make sure to get your approval ahead of time. Should I have changed the picture too? Written a longer post about how much I fucking adore your shitty little store?"

Parker reared back. "Hey, it's not shitty."

"Right," he scoffed, shaking his head at her. "You know, most people would at least hold off on their complaints until after they've said thank you. Common deceny, and all that."

Parker deflated against the counter as Tom looped around the other side of the couch to sit down. There were pillows sprawled across it, a blanket pooling on the ground, and a Tom shaped indent in one of the cushions from where he had been sleeping before she showed up. When he flicked the tv off mute, Parker became increasingly aware of how poorly this conversation was going.

She took a deep breath and a long dreg of her beer before carefully seating herself on the table smack dab in his line of view. When he refused to give in, however, she took the remote out of his hand and flicked the tv off with a huff.

"Tom—"

But he wasn't having any of it, and he rolled his eyes at her so intensely that it must have hurt. "Oh, fuck. Look, if you're going to make this into some big lecture or whatever you can save us both the time and effort. I already spent the day dealing with this bullshit from Gail. I don't need it from you too."

As almost every mention of his producer did, that caught her off guard. "Gail?"

"Yeah, imagine that," he scoffed. "I try to do something nice, for once, and the first thing she does is yell at me because of it. And now you're here doing the same thing, and I don't even know what I expected, but it sure as shit isn't—"

"Why would she yell at you?" she interrupted.

He finished half of his beer in a swallow. "Why do you think?"

She wasn't sure. That was half the reason she asked the question, but when he tensed—as if preparing for that exact sort of answer—Parker's mouth snapped shut just as quickly as it had opened.

Why would Gail be upset?

Sure, she was his producer, and likely was miffed about missing out on her fee, but it wasn't like a percentage of twenty grand would have had any real impact on her salary. After all, Tom hadn't minced his words earlier when talking about how much of his yearly income went to the movie mogul. And Parker had seen her house; the woman wasn't going to be pinching pennies any time soon unless she was robbed at gunpoint. And even then she would probably benefit from her high profile connections.

Which meant if it wasn't the money that she cared about, it must have been...

Realization was a painful thing, and Parker rounded towards Tom with wide eyes. "She's upset because you did this without asking her?"

Another swallow of his beer. "I told you that I don't do stuff without asking her."

"But you did this time."

"Because she would have fucking said no," he ground out, distaste over even having to admit it obvious from his tone. "Which is fucking—I mean, it's my fucking life. I can do what I want. Should be able to, anyway. I'm the one making her money, but I do this one thing and she's all pissed off about it. You know how small that makes me feel? That she would even expect me to get permission from her?"

"Tom," she said, only to have him steamroll on.

"It's bullshit. Total bullshit."

"Tom," she tried again when he didn't seem to hear her.

But whatever floodgate he had opened wasn't closing anytime soon, and Parker felt her chest constrict. "Everything I do is because she tells me to do it. I don't even chose who I sponsor. But I do one post without her permission and get shit for it. And apparently, not just from her. Because you're here too, pissed that I didn't tell you ahead of time, and it's like no matter what I do it's—"

Not knowing what else to do, but knowing that she had to do something, Parker lurched forward to sling her arms around his neck. He went stiff beneath her touch, freezing as she attempted to pull him to her, before his hands slowly bracketed around her waist.

"What are you—?"

"I'm sorry," she muttered. Then, when that wasn't enough—because how could that ever be enough—she tightened her hold on him hoping that it might convey what she didn't know how to say. Parker shook her head into the crook of his neck, swallowing. "Fuck, Tom, I'm sorry. I didn't come over here to yell at you. I swear I didn't. I'm not even mad, I don't know why I said that thing about the heads-up, I just... I just was so overwhelmed today that I didn't know what to say or how to bring it up or thank you that I just—I just word vomited. Okay? I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry."

"Hey," he said, arms tightening around her. "It's okay."

But it wasn't okay, and he had to know that. "But it's not, Tom. You just—you just changed my life, you know? What you did... I've never had that many people in my store before, and they were lined up, and the line didn't dissipate all day! I think I sold, like, half my inventory because of you, and if that continues even for a month then I'll be able to actually finance my store and I won't have to close and... I'll never be able to thank you enough for that."

She leaned back to find Tom frowning at her. "It was just a post."

"To you, and to Gail," she said, finally being able to express what she had been stewing on all day. "But to me... it's everything. I don't know how I'll ever be able to pay you back."

"Pay me back?"

"I mean, I could give you some of the profit, but it probably won't be much. Especially since I still have loans to pay off, and I need to get insurance, and fix the AC, and maybe even hire some new staff, but I'm sure I could give you percentage. Like, a little over time, and it definitely won't be much, but—"

She didn't realize she was rambling until Tom shook her. "I don't want you to pay me back, Park."

"But—"

"Nah," he said, shaking his head at her. One of his hands twisted into the cotton of her sweater, and for the first time that night, as he ducked his head to avoid her gaze Parker realized that maybe he was just as anxious about this entire thing as she was. "I owe you, okay. Not the other way around."

Parker couldn't think of anything more ridiculous than that, and her brows furrowed a divot into her forehead. "What are you talking about?"

He released a chuckle of disbelief, the sound low and raspy in his throat. "I know I'm an asshole. What you said when we first met, that day on the set, it pissed me off so much because... you were right, and no one else had ever bothered to tell me. I'm an asshole to staff and to the crew and to your fucking brother, but do you seriously think I'm blind to all the things that you've done for me?"

Floundering for words—and thoughts—all she could do was blink at him.

Tom glanced away, fingers wrapping themselves into her shirt, skating a burning line over her skin. "You—you're..." he started, before drifting off. Clearly, she wasn't the only person struggling to put their thoughts into words tonight, but Parker was too dumbfounded by the fact that Tom Ryder was admitting to be an asshole above all else, that she couldn't find the energy to interrupt him. "No one has ever... held me accountable before."

Even more bewildered then before, she stared at him. "And that's... a good thing? Because I thought that drove you crazy? I mean—"

"God, of course it drives me crazy," he cut her off with another chuckle. "But you do it because—because you see something in me that no one else does, you know? You see... me. Not the rich, famous me that everyone else sees and takes advantage of, but the asshole on the inside that no one else likes. Do you know how many people have found me in the bathroom like you did? Do you know how none of them have ever cared before?"

Parker's hands skated around his neck, desperate for something to hold onto, to feel, as she gently flattened them out on his chest. "You don't owe me anything for that," she said, shaking her head. "You didn't have to do this just to make up for that. I like being in your life, being your friend, your... I think more people care about you than you think, Tom."

He swallowed, and her eyes tracked the movement of his throat. "And you're the only person in my life that would say shit like that and mean it."

"Of course I mean it. I wouldn't lie to you."

"I know," he said, hands drifting further up her back, a connection that she didn't dare break as they settled into the groove of her spine. "And that's why I did it. So I don't want anything from you, alright? I just... want to give you this. Fuck Gail, fuck my social media manager, fuck all of them. Just this once I want to do something for someone else. Well, no, even that's a lie. Not for someone else, but for you."

Parker bit her lip, feeling her heart thump against her chest, and she was certain that he must have felt it too as she leaned against him. "Really?"

"Yeah," he said. "You're—just... you're not like other girls, you know that?"

Despite the tension growing between them, the softness of the moment and the tender way he was holding her, Parker couldn't keep back a startled laugh. And when she did laugh, Tom's hands paused in their movements, brows knitting a second time as he watched her with something wary struck across his features.

"Sorry, sorry," she said almost immediately, biting her lip, only for another giggle to escape. He looked truly put off then, and she carefully skated her hands back around his neck. "I just... sorry, I'm not laughing at you. That just so sounded like a line."

The wariness vanished, replaced by irritable fondness, and his hands pressed her closer. "Yeah, well," he said, that oh-so familiar smugness of his curling his mouth upwards. "What if it was?"

"Oh?"

He shrugged, pressing on. "Lots of girls would kill to hear that kind of line from Tom Ryder, you know? You should consider yourself lucky."

"I thought I wasn't like other girls."

"You're not. No other girl has ever driven me fucking crazy like you do."

"Flattering," she snarked. But the skate of his hands was starting to ignite a nervous fluttering in her stomach, and as her nails dug into his shirt, Parker could barely maintain a sense of decorum as she smirked at him. "Well? Go on then."

"With?"

"You've given me a line. I'm interested in seeing what other sorts of moves the famous Tom Ryder has to woo the ladies. You want to show me your wine cellar? Art collection? Is there a disco ball that comes down from your ceiling if I clap?"

His entire torso shook as he laughed. "See what I mean? You're drive me fucking crazy."

"Ah, maybe, but that wasn't a no—"

Parker swore that a single kiss from Tom Ryder had the ability to set her entire body alight. Sometimes, she wondered if he felt it too; the way the pads of his thumbs would trail a burning line along her skin or how her hands got shaky as she trailed them up into his hair. His hands certainly didn't shake; not when they pulled her sweater over her head or drifted along the length of her legs, fingers dipping into the ticklish spot behind her knees, tugging her impossibly closer before moving up, up, up...

This time, there was no party to return to, no busybodies to avoid or assistants needing Tom's attention in between fittings on set, and most importantly no phone to chirp at them or brother to distract.

There was just her and him, Parker and Tom.

And when the tension between them—once ugly and mean and festering and awful, now golden and beautiful and, maybe even destined—finally broke, she realized that it wasn't so bad to have someone to drive crazy; perhaps, even, it was the spark that she had been missing.

[summ6rbummer]

PATRICK HOCKSETTER X FEMALE BULLY VICTIM PT. 3

FUCK YOU FREAK

so we're starting to get somewhere with this story yayy!! patrick is a mega stalker now, on the count of breaking-and-entering!! anyways, last time, you, the reader had set out to fuck up patrick! (yay for you)

overall tw for all counts of violence and assault and more violence ofc

ily all

----------

it was a colder night, crickets were chirping and cicadas were buzzing and mosquitoes were nipping at my legs. i could care less. all i could feel was anger and disgust and fear at the acts and past of patrick hocksetter. i still had the bread knife clenched in my clammy palm, and my breathing was heavy as i stomped down the street towards patrick's house. i remembered memorizing his address and the way his house looked and the schedule of his family, all so i would know to avoid it. to take a different street after school, to know to start running if i see his bedroom light come on at night, and to never make eye contact with his mother when she waters her flowers in the morning in the fear of her acknowledging me and him over hearing.

just living in fear of him. and im so sick of it. it ends tonight. i stood at the end of his driveway and his parents car wasn't there. perfect. i stomped up to the front door and a sudden wave of overwhelming fear washed through my body.

why am i scared now. I've spent my whole life being afraid of this fucking asshole. whatever happens i can't be afraid of him. im so tired of this.

i turn the doorknob handle, knowing it was unlocked. i swiftly stepped inside and silently closed it behind me. i practically tiptoed through the front hallway, tightly gripping the knife in my clammy hand. the second door on the left side of the hallway was his bedroom.

i could hear him moving around in his room, maybe unlacing his boots considering he was done stomping around my room like a fucking bozo.

i reached for the doorknob and my fingertips just barely grazed it when the door swung open and i was face to face with Patrick’s chest. my blood froze.

then suddenly i was reminded that he had been making my blood run cold my entire life. and i was tired of it.

my brow furrowed and my lip curled and i cracked, lunging at him with the knife in my hand and pure hatred in my eyes.

i really don’t know what i was thinking. hes much bigger than i am, definitely stronger, and definitely crazier.

not even a second had passed before i was on the floor with the knife flung down the hallway; Patrick standing at my feet. my breath stopped in my throat and i felt nausea pilling in my stomach.

fuck fuck fuck. why did i think i could do this? im gonna fucking die in patrick's fucking house and they're going to use a terrible photo of me in my obituary.

i scrambled away from him, scampering down the hallway and reaching for the knife. a wrecked cry flew from my throat as his muddy boot came down on my hand. he grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back down the hallway. away from the door, away from the knife, the street, my life.

i was dragged into his bedroom, the rug folding up under my writhing legs. i kicked at his ankles, and scratched at the floor. after i was fully in his room, he tossed me sideways and stepped to slam his door closed.

why did i decide to be brave. why did i think i was strong enough to do anything? why am i so stupid.

patrick stood in the entrance to the bedroom, just standing there. staring. i had scrambled back against the wall, hugging my knees. i couldn't understand the look in his eyes. he looked angry.. but in a way that was sad.. almost disappointed. it was a long, tense, silent moment before he said anything.

"why would you do that."

it wasn't a question. all of a sudden i was angry again. i lunged up and at him, hands ready to claw at his face.

"because of you! its you and Henry and fucking Victor and Belch! its you! you make my life a living hell! i hate you i fucking hate you and everything you've done to me in my life! i want you dead!'

i clawed at his neck and he grabbed my wrists, holding me away as i screamed in his face.

"im tired of having to live with you terrorizing me!"

i was cut off when he shoved me back, my hip hitting the backboard of the bed. i groaned in pain.

"why do you think i 'terrorize' you?" "hm? ive told you before. its because you're real. like me."

i sighed. "oh shut the fuck up patrick. what does that even mean? you're real. im real. of course i am! this is fucking real life!"

his face faltered. he stepped towards me again with a darker look fallen over his body. "the last time someone else came into my life and was real, he ruined everything. i had to fix that. and now im the only one left. or i was. but then you showed up. i realized you were real too and that i had to fix it early. and i did." a crazed smile started spreading on his face. "everyone else is fake! its just us that are real! and its only going to be us!"

so much shock surged through my body that i laughed. an exasperated, tired laugh of pure confusion wheezed from my lungs. "what the fuck is wrong with you? oh my god you're fucking insane! im talking to an insane person! you're crazy!" i gasped in between laughs. his face fell.

"no." he stepped forward, his eyes darker than ever. 'im not crazy. im real. and.. you are too. i knew you wouldnt understand. you think you can fool me? you just want to replace me." he stepped forward again, his hands stiff and shaking and his face stone.

the wheezing laugh had left me, as well as all the air left in my lungs. the tone in his voice was telling. i never should've called him crazy. you cant call crazy people crazy.

im not going to make it out of this house alive.

suddenly his hands were around my throat, squeezing, tearing ripping at my skin. i screamed, a bloodcurdling scream and tore at his shoulders. my nails dug into his face, and his into my neck in return. i could feel the air struggling to enter my body.

i was gasping and screaming and sobbing, suffocating.

and i could only look at him.

i could only see his eyes. they weren't brown anymore, they were black. like a sharks eyes, dark and unforgiving. inhuman.

as darkness crept into the corners of my vision and my limbs went numb, i could only think of one thing.

what if i wasn't in that class in fifth grade.

[mstarcreates]

Modus Operandi - Stake Out

A/N: For some context, in this AU Simon does not wear a full skull mask just a half balaclava with a skull print on it that covers from his nose down. The lines in this scene are a reference from the canon material, obviously lol.

****

"Twelve hour fuckin stake out..." John growled out, forcing the passenger seat back in their dispatch car almost violently.

"Easy there, J, this thing's an antique." Simon said from the driver's side, his gaze fixated on the house they were watching from down the street, tucked behind a bush. John rolled his eyes at the comment. He had neither the patience nor the fucks to give about paperwork surrounding their ancient police issued vehicle.

"Not my problem they skimped on the funding for the homicide unit.." he stretched his legs out at least, but it didn't help as much as he'd hoped it would. For weeks his canine side had been on edge, and it was always worse around Simon. He hadn't felt it under his skin like this since he was a boy, before he knew how to work with his animal.

He wasn't shifting enough, he knew that. Since he'd joined Homicide he just no longer had the time. And the various ways his superior grated against him, be it physical or otherwise, only amped up the canine inside him.

"Yer gonna owe me for this.." he said as he dug into the bag of fast food they'd grabbed on the way here. The burger for him was just barely warm now but he didn't care, he needed the substance it promised. It was his only hope of quelling his animal before shit went sideways.

"Yeah, owe you for what?" Simon replied, barely sparing him a glance from across the car. The brief gaze was enough to make John's heart race a bit. Even with his night vision, it was hard to make out all of Simon's features with only a street lamp a few feet in front of the vehicle for light. Still John found himself analyzing every feature of Simon's face.

"We're fixin each other's problems.." he replied casually as he bit into the hamburger, groaning softly. Finally, something to ease the unruly mutt that lived inside him. Sure food was only a temporary fix for what the canine actually needed but John would take whatever reprieve he could get.

"What's my problem..?" This time Simon turned to him, quirking one of his blonde eyebrows at John before he turned his eyes back to the house, determined not to miss even a second of the nothingness that was going on.

"Well that bloody mask you're wearing, that's for sure...just take it off.."

"You mean show my face?"

"Yessir." He answered as he took another bite of his food, reaching forward to grab his soda, still watching his superior as he ate, curious to see how far he could push this particular conversation.

"Not a chance.." Simon replied casually, not even looking at John this time as he stared at the house. John supposed it was a good thing that one of them was paying attention to their current objective.

"Are you ugly...?"John quipped this time as he polished off the rest of his hamburger, crumpling up the paper before tossing it into the bag. He wasn't sure why he was so damn brazen tonight, maybe it was the canine's influence on his mood. He thought he might have pushed it too far until Simon turned towards him.

"Quite the opposite actually.." Simon's eyes were full of mirth and dark promises and it made a flush creep up John's neck and face. He was very thankful indeed for the lack of light in the vehicle.

"I doubt that." But John didn't miss a bit, smiling wickedly at Simon. The other man shook his head and returned to watching the house.

[willalove75]

Could you write something where Rebecca and reader are fake dating and in one instance (for whatever reason) they have to kiss and because they both secretly enjoyed it they proceed to make up excuses to kiss each other more? Then maybe something happens that causes Rebecca to get jealous and make a public display which kind of forces them to confront their true feelings?

🥰🥰🥰

Love your work so much!

Oooh yes I love this! Thanks so much for the request!!💕

And thank you SO MUCH!! I'm so glad you're enjoying my stuff! If you have any more requests feel free to send them my way! 💕

You and Keeley walk into Rebecca's office carrying bags of takeout.

"Hello!" Rebecca says happily.

Keeley runs over to Rebecca and gives her a big hug.

"Oh I haven't seen you in so long!" Keeley says.

"I know, now that you have your own PR firm you're too busy for me!"

Keeley gives Rebecca a pouty face and you walk over.

"Hi y/n!" Rebecca says as she goes to hug you.

"Hi Rebecca!" You say as she pulls you in for a hug.

"Let's eat, I'm starving!" She says.

The three of you make yourselves at home on her couch and have lunch.

"So what are you two up to this weekend?" Rebecca asks.

"Well, tomorrow night we're meeting up with some of my friends, including my ex and his crazy pretty new girlfriend." You say.

"Oh shit, that's tomorrow?" Keeley asks.

"Oh no," You say.

"Shit! I have a shoot tomorrow night! Oh y/n I'm SO sorry I totally forgot that was tomorrow!!" She says with disappointment.

"Keeleyyyyyy" you groan. "Fuck I can't go alone!"

"Why not?" Rebecca asks.

"Because her ex's new girlfriend is hot as fuck and she doesn't want to look like a total loser showing up to this big shindig alone." Keeley says.

"Pretty much. We still have a lot of friends in common and last time I saw the two of them I was alone and it was horrible!" You say. "Keeley was going to be my fake girlfriend for the night." You look over at her.

"I'm so sorry I feel so horrid!" She exclaims. "Wait! I have an idea! Rebecca, do you want to take my place and be y/n's fake girlfriend tomorrow?"

"Oh god you don't have to- I mean if you want to you can but I'd feel terrible dragging you into this." You say.

"Pleaseee take my place tomorrow night!" Keeley begs Rebecca donning puppy dog eyes.

Rebecca thinks about it for a minute and finally says

"Fuck it, why not! I have nothing going on tomorrow night anyway.”

"Really?" You ask with wide eyes. "You know she meant like girlfriend girlfriend, not just like a friend who's a girl, right? I just want to make sure before you agree and then realize it's not what you expected."

"Yeah why not, I think it'll be fun!" She says.

"Oh it's gonna be so good!!" Keeley says. "Ugh now I really wish I was going just to see his stupid face when you walk in with one of the hottest women in London!"

The three of you laugh and you give Rebecca some details and continue your lunch. You guys pack up and get ready to head out and say your goodbyes.

"Byeee!" Keeley says hugging Rebecca.

"By love." She says back.

"Bye, thank you so much, seriously, I really owe you for this!" You say giving her a hug.

"Not a problem at all! But drinks are on you." She says with a laugh.

"That's totally fair." You say.

The next day comes around and your nerves start to kick in, it was one thing when it was Keeley that was going to be your fake girlfriend, she's one of your best friends. Even though you've gotten to know Rebecca really well, you still don't know her as well as you know Keeley and you hope it doesn't go sideways.

You get ready for the night and the group chat with all of your friends that will be there starts exploding with "I'm so excited to see you all!" "I can't wait for you to meet my new boyfriend!" and the like. One of your best friends, Callie, sends a message to the group chat.

"I heard y/n has a new friend she's bringing tonight 👀😜"

The group chat goes nuts, thank god you didn't tell anyone who you were taking with you before Keeley canceled or this would get real weird real fast. You reply to the chat

"Mayybeeee 😉"

A bunch of your friends heart react to it and you notice one person give it a thumbs up, you check to see who it was and it was from your ex, Brian.

"Well, here goes nothing." You think to yourself.

You get a text from Rebecca saying that she's here and you walk out of your flat and get into her car.

"Hi! You look beautiful!" She says as she leans over the center console to give you a hug.

"Hi! Thank you so much for doing this, seriously you really didn't have to."

"Of course! I couldn't let my girl go alone!" She says as she playfully nudges you.

You talk about who's going to be at the restaurant and giving Rebecca cliff notes of who each person is. You pull up and you both get out of the car. She looks stunning, a tight red dress that hugs her body perfectly. It looks like it was made custom to show off every amazing curve on her body, you actually wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.

Before you walk into the restaurant you pause and take a deep breath, Rebecca looks over at you, sensing your nerves.

"We're gonna kill it." She says with a smile.

You smile back at her and she holds her hand out, you grab it and you walk hand-in-hand into the restaurant.

You walk to the back room where everyone has gathered and you hear cheering and excitement when you walk in.

"Y/n!!" Callie says as she runs over to hug you. "Oh I missed you so much oh my god!!" She squeezes you tighter.

"I missed you so much too!" You squeeze her back.

Callie looks over at Rebecca and back at you and gives you a nod of approval.

"Cal, this is Rebecca. Rebecca, this is my best friend Callie."

"It's so great to finally meet you!" Callie says.

"It's so great to finally meet you as well!" Rebecca says as they shake hands.

Another friend calls Callie over and she excuses herself, as she walks past you she says with a smirk

"Damn girl, look at you."

You give her a look as she continues to walk away.

"Sorry," you say to Rebecca as you blush.

"Oh don't be, at least we know it's working." She says with a giggle. "Come on, I want to meet the rest of my girlfriends friends." She says with a wink.

You go around the room and introduce her to your friends and their partners, no one can seem to keep their eyes off of Rebecca. You hear whispers of "no way", "damn, good for her" and so on.

You feel really awkward interacting with your friends, worried about doing something that would make Rebecca uncomfortable. As you're talking to some friends you feel her slide her arm around your waist and you look up at her. She can feel your nervousness and gives you a comforting look, you relax a little and lean into her as she pulls you closer.

You start feeling more comfortable, you and Rebecca start flirting like a real couple would, sometimes you have to remind yourself that it's not real and you're both just playing a part.

About 30 minutes after you arrive you hear more cheering as someone else walks in and you hear someone yell

"Brian's finally here! Now the party can really start!"

You freeze when you hear his name and you're flooded with nerves. Rebecca must have picked up on your anxiousness because she turns you towards her and holds your hands as she looks into your eyes.

"You're okay," she says with a comforting smile. "We got this." She pulls you in for a hug. You relax into her arms and you feel her place a kiss on the top of your head as she holds you. Your anxiousness turns into butterflies in your stomach and you try to ignore them.

"It's not real." You think to yourself.

You take her hand and lead her towards the front of the room. Through the crowd you see Brian, looking as handsome as ever, with his obnoxiously gorgeous girlfriend Olivia.

"Wow, she is beautiful." Rebecca whispers to you.

"Yeah I wasn't kidding, it all makes much more sense now doesn't it?" You say with a small laugh.

"It sure does." She looks down at you. "But we look hotter than them anyway." She gives you a wink and a playful smile.

You feel your cheeks blush and the butterflies flutter in your belly again as you hear someone calling your name.

"Y/n!" You look up to see Brian calling you over.

You shake off the butterflies and walk over with Rebecca.

"Hey Brian! How are you?"

He pulls you in for a hug and you get a whiff of his cologne. You immediately notice that it's the one you bought him, your favorite scent. You feel the pain in your heart and try to ignore it.

"Good, you remember Olivia, right?" He asks.

"Of course," you turn to her. "Hey, how have you been?" You give her a hug.

"I've been well! How about you?"

"Good," you turn to Rebecca. "Brian, Olivia, this is Rebecca," you pause for a moment and look at her, she looks down at you and her eyes sparkle. "My girlfriend." You look at her proudly. "Rebecca, this is Brian and Olivia."

"It's so lovely to meet you both." Rebecca says shaking their hands.

She pulls her hand back and places it on the small of your back.

"Nice to meet you." Brian says. "You know I was surprised when you said you were bringing someone y/n. I didn't know you were seeing everyone."

"Yeah," you say, unsure of how to respond.

"We've been together for a few months now, but I was the one who wanted to keep quiet about it for a bit," Rebecca interjects. "And y/n was so patient with me, so as soon as she told me about this event, I figured it was the perfect time to officially meet everyone."

"Damn she's good at this." You think to yourself.

You think you see a hint of jealousy on Brian's face when Rebecca speaks, he puts his hand around Olivia's waist and pulls her in closer as they chat.

"Well love," Rebecca says, looking down at you. She gently pushes a stray hair out of your face and her thumb caresses your cheek. "I think it's time for a drink, what do you think?"

"I think so." You say, looking up into her eyes.

You both maintain eye contact for an extra second as you get lost in her gorgeous green eyes. The butterflies in your stomach get riled up again as you look at her, you look away back at Brian and you can clearly see, he's jealous.

You say goodbye to Brian and Olivia and lead Rebecca to the bar. You both order drinks and as promised, you pay for them. You find some empty chairs and take a seat at one of the tables filled with people you know, including Callie, and start chatting.

"So Rebecca, how did you two meet?" Callie asks with a raised eyebrow.

You look over at Rebecca, she sees the worry in your eyes. You just realized you guys never discussed this and you're terrified your cover is going to be blown. Rebecca looks back into your eyes and smiles and looks over at Callie.

"Well, y/n is great friends with one of my best friends, Keeley Jones," the table is a little star struck at the name drop, everyone knows who Keeley Jones is. "And we all went out for dinner one night and we got on really well. I thought she was beautiful and asked for her number and from there we spent more and more time together and we decided to give this a shot." She holds your hand and looks at you lovingly.

The table "aw's" at the two of you and you lean in closer to her, still holding hands.

The night goes on, you order more drinks and chat and have fun with your friends. You end up at a table with James, Brian's best friend, Brian, Olivia, Callie, her boyfriend and a few others. James is pretty wasted and starts to question your relationships.

“Y/n, I don’t fuckin believe for a second that you’re actually dating the owner of AFC Richmond. Can you fuckin’ believe that mate?” He says to Brian.

"How do you-" You begin to ask.

"How the fuck do I not?! Richmond is in my blood!" He says as he turns around, pulls his shirt off and shows off a Greyhounds tattoo on his shoulder.

Brian definitely doesn’t look thrilled, but shrugs him off.

“Shut up James, you have no idea what you’re talking about.” You say defensively.

“You’re fuckin’ lying, I bet she’s a fake date.”

Your face gets red, both with embarrassment and anger and look over at Rebecca. She looks calm and unbothered, she holds your hand and strokes the back of it with her thumb.

“James what the fuck do they have to do to prove to you they’re together, make out in front of you? You're ridiculous.” Callie argues back.

“Actually,” James says with a smirk “that’s exactly what they’d have to do.”

“Oh fuck off James. I don’t even know why you were invited. No one here besides Brian even fucking likes you.” You say.

“If you were a real couple, you wouldn’t fight it.” He says back.

You look over at Rebecca with fear in your eyes. She smiles at you as the rest of the table chimes in.

“I mean he’s not wrong!” “Just kiss her she’s your girlfriend.” "James shut the fuck up."

You look over at Callie, she senses your nervousness, but only thinks it’s because of them hounding you both to kiss.

“You don’t have to and I wouldn't blame you because he's an absolute knobhead, but it will shut him up and he won’t keep saying this shit for the rest of the night. It's up to you.” Callie says.

You turn back to Rebecca, you have no idea what to do, she can tell immediately that you’re freezing. She adjusts her chair to face you more and tucks a piece of hair gently behind your ear, leaving her hand resting on your cheek, and looks into your eyes.

“It’s okay,” she says gently with a smile.

“Are you sure?” You ask back.

She nods and you study her face for a minute, trying to find any sense of hesitation or discomfort. You find neither, she's either one of the best actresses you've ever seen, or she's genuinely okay with this.

You take a deep breath in and she pulls you into her. You don't think you've ever been this nervous before as you lean into the kiss. Your lips meet and the first thing you notice is how soft and warm her lips are. The sounds of the restaurant are suddenly muffled, you feel your body relax as a warmth runs through you and the butterflies in your belly go crazy. You're not sure if it's the butterflies or nerves, or maybe something else entirely, but you feel sparks between your lips as they meet. The scent of her perfume fills your nostrils as you kiss, so elegant and heavenly. The façade you two have built crumbles as your bottom lips slides between hers. You bring your hand up to her face, your fingers resting on her smooth skin, you pull her in closer and she puts her other hand on your leg. She gently licks your lips and you part yours, your tongues quickly caress each other and you feel like you're floating . She gently sucks on your bottom lip as you part and you feel like the air in your lungs was stolen from you for a moment.

You notice your heart is beating so fast you think it's going to explode, you're a little afraid to open your eyes as you part and see her upset or turned off. You gain up the courage and open your eyes and meet her gaze. She's looks a little surprised, but her lips are curved into a satisfied smile.

"Is this real?" You ask yourself.

The entire world around you vanished for a moment and you're suddenly jolted back when you hear the commotion from your kiss.

You look back to the table and you look over at Callie, who has the biggest smile on her face, James looks shocked, and Brian isn't even looking at the two of you, he doesn't look happy.

Rebecca glares at James and he says nothing as he slinks away, you and Rebecca look at each other and laugh.

"Holy shit." Callie says looking wide-eyed at the both of you. "That was the hottest kiss I think I've ever see in my entire life."

You and Rebecca laugh and you rest your head on her shoulder.

With James taken care of, everyone's convinced that you two are together without a doubt and the night continues.

You notice that the flirting between you and Rebecca becomes effortless, you both putting your arms around each other, your hand rests on her leg, she touches your arm occasionally, like you're really a couple.

You get up to go to the bathroom and she pulls you in for a quick kiss before you walk away. You're definitely surprised, but very much into it. You feel the sparks again as your lips meet and the butterflies go nuts. You gently bite your lower lip after you part and you head off.

You make your way back and walk up to Rebecca sitting at the bar.

"There she is!" Rebecca says with a smile.

"I hope you didn't miss me too much!" You playfully respond.

You put your hands on her hips as she drapes her arms around your shoulders, you look into each others eyes and you get lost in hers for a minute. You're brought back to Earth when the bartender puts two drinks down on the bar. You hop into your seat and you both enjoy your drinks.

Callie runs up to you and pulls you off of the stool towards the dance floor.

"Come on!" You say to Rebecca, grabbing at her hand.

"Oh no, I don't dance. But go! I'll hang out here." She replies with a smile.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely!"

You kiss her again before you head off and like the previous kisses, sparks ignite when your lips land on hers. You smile as you look into her eyes and she looks like she's beaming. At this point, you're really not sure if you're pretending anymore. You head off to the dance floor and dance with your friends.

A slow song comes on and Callie's boyfriend steals her away and you go to walk off of the dancefloor. Brian slides in front of you and grabs you to dance, his movements as smooth as butter.

"What are you doing?" You ask with a laugh.

"What, I can't dance with my ex?"

"Usually that's pretty frowned upon."

"Ah, well, I was never one to follow the status quo."

"I'm sure your girlfriend would beg to differ."

He laughs and you're immediately transported back to when you were dating. You loved his laugh, it never failed to make you smile even when you didn't want to.

"So how you doin' y/n?" He asks.

"I've been good, how have you been?"

"Not bad, not bad at all."

He spins you and pulls you back into him. You catch a glimpse of Rebecca sitting at the bar and you can tell something changed.

"How's your girlfriend? You know I was surprised when I heard you had a girlfriend."

"She's wonderful, and I don't know why, you knew I liked girls." You say, rolling your eyes. "Speaking of girlfriends Brian, your girlfriend Olivia is going to kill the both of us if she sees us dancing. What's going on?"

"And your girlfriend won't?" He asks with a smirk.

You look over his shoulder and Rebecca has turned her back to you both, leaning on the bar.

"She very well might." You give him a look.

"Nothings going on, I just wanted a chance to talk to you by ourselves for a minute, I miss our talks." He says sincerely.

You sigh and give him a look.

"I do too, but, we broke up, we've both moved on,"

"Why can't we be friends?" He says cutting you off.

"I'm not saying we can't, but I am saying we cannot slow dance alone. Go get your girlfriend and bring her out here before she leaves you too." You give him a playful smirk and twirl away from him and head towards Rebecca.

"Hey," you say, sitting next to her.

"Hi."

You notice she's looking down into her drink, slowly swirling it in her glass, she doesn't look up at you.

"Hey, are you okay?" You ask concerned.

"Yeah," she says and pauses for a moment, watching the mixed drink swirl around. "Actually, I don't know."

"What happened?" You put your hand on her arm, worried that something happened when you were with Brian.

She looks up at you, there's a sadness in her eyes you immediately pick up on.

"Rebecca," you look into her eyes, worried about her. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she says shaking her head. "Nothing, I'm fine actually."

"You're definitely not."

"Ohhh trouble in paradise!" James says a little too loudly.

"Shut up James, Jesus, don't you have anything better to do?"

"Nope." He says, keen on watching this play out.

You push him away and Rebecca gets up and goes to walk away. You grab her arm and gently pull her towards you as you stand.

"Rebecca," you look up into her eyes, desperate to know why she's upset.

She looks away from your gaze, you see her looking over at Brian dancing with a visibly unhappy Olivia and you realize why she's upset. You know she's not acting, she's not playing the "jealous girlfriend" part, seeing you two together genuinely upset her and your heart breaks when you realize what's going on.

"Oh god," you pull her closer to you and your hand slides up to her cheek. She looks back at you, the hurt in her eyes makes you want to cry. "Honey, I'm so sorry, I didn't- I didn't realize-" You're lost for words, tears well up in your eyes, the guilt eats away at you, even though you didn't know for sure that she had feelings for you.

"I know," she says and looks away. "I didn't either but- when I saw you- when we-" She looks back into your eyes and takes a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore." She says quietly, her eyes becoming glassy.

"I'm so sorry, I never would have- I didn't- fuck!" You look away as a tear rolls down your cheek. You look up into her eyes, a few tears fall onto her cheeks and you wipe them away. "It's okay."

You wrap your arms around her neck and pull her in for a hug, she hesitates for a second, but tightly wraps her arms around your waist. You place on hand on the back of her head and hold her close.

"I don't want to pretend anymore." She whispers into your ear as you hold each other.

"Me either." You whisper back. "I feel like I stopped pretending hours ago. I just didn't know that you- I'm so sorry."

"I stopped pretending after that first kiss."

You pull back and look into her eyes.

"I thought I was crazy, that I thought there was- I just told myself it was nerves."

She shakes her head, you wipe away a few more tears and hold her face in your hand. You see sadness and fear in her eyes, neither of you expected this to happen when you agreed to come here as fake girlfriends.

You pull her into you and kiss her, you feel her wrap one had around your waist and the other slides up your shoulder blades as you hold her face. Her lips salty from her tears, you gently lick her bottom lip and she opens just enough for your tongue to slide in. She caresses your tongue with hers and kisses you harder, you've never felt so connected to someone else when you kissed them. She pulls away, the tears on her face dried, you look into her eyes and the fear and sadness is gone. You let out a sigh of relief and notice that a lot of the people around you stopped and watched. You feel your cheeks get red and Rebecca whispers into your ear

"Come with me."

She grabs your hand and leads you away without saying another word. She takes you outside and brings you to her car in the carpark. She opens the back door and gets in and pulls you in after her. You shut the door, as soon as you turn to face her she kisses you again. She pulls away, holding your face in her hands and looks into your eyes.

"We needed to talk without anyone else around. And I just needed to know that it wasn't-"

"It wasn't." You say, looking back into her eyes.

"I can't pretend that I like you, not when I care about you so much. I'm so sorry I got upset but watching you dance with him, it did something to me that I wasn't expecting and it terrified me."

"I don't want to pretend anymore either, I thought I was crazy for thinking that there was something between us after that first kiss so I had to convince myself it was just nerves. But I kept forgetting we were pretending, it felt so real. I wanted it to be real."

Rebecca pulls you into her and your lips meet again, the sparks more intense now than they have ever been. She pulls you into her lap and you straddle her in the backseat of her car. She gently digs her nails into you as she grabs handfuls of your dress, you slide one hand to the back of her head, you run your fingers through her soft blond hair and hold onto it. You feel your heartbeats become one as your tongues explore each others mouths. Small moans escape as both of you gasp for air between kisses, the moment becomes more and more intense the longer you kiss.

The kiss slows as you both hold each other close, both of you panting trying to catch your breath. You feel her soft lips brush against yours, her eyelashes gently caressing your cheek when she closes her eyes. You feel her warm breath on your face, she loosens her grip on you but still firmly holds onto your hips. You pull back and look into her eyes, glimmering in the dimly lit carpark and you can't help but smile as you look at her for a minute.

"So, no more pretending." You say breaking the silence. "It's for real this time, right?"

She gently kisses you again and looks into your eyes.

"Right."

You kiss her once more before you get out of the car. You two walk hand-in-hand back into the restaurant and reclaim your seats at the bar.

"Is everything okay?" Callie slides up next to you and quietly asks.

"Yeah, everything is fine." You say back.

"Are you sure? Because it didn't look fine five minutes ago." She glances over at Rebecca.

"Yes, it was just a misunderstanding, but we got it sorted, I promise. Everything is good now, probably better than it was before honestly." You say with a smile.

"Okay, just wanted to make sure."

You give her a hug and turn your attention back to Rebecca. You grab her hand and kiss the back of it, holding it against your cheek. She smiles at you and nuzzles into you, a newfound sense of peace washing over you both.

Another slow song comes on and Rebecca's attention is immediately grabbed.

"Oh I love this song!" She says.

You get up out of your chair to guide her to the dance floor, she hesitates for a minute.

"Come on baby, dance with me, just this one." You say with a smile.

She gets up and pulls you into her and kisses you.

"I love hearing you call me that."

You both head to the dance floor, your hand around her waist, hers around yours and your other hands gently clasped together, you sway to the beat of the song. You lay your head on her chest while you move as one and listen to her steady heartbeat. The room around you vanishes as you close your eyes, letting the rhythm guide you. You open your eyes and look up at her, her green eyes shining as the lights reflect off of them. She looks down at you with a smile, looking deeply into your eyes. Before you know it your lips are interlocked, you bring your hands up to her face and she places her hands on your hips. Your lips part and you rest your head against hers, letting the music continue to guide your movements. The song comes to and end and Rebecca gently twirls you and you spin back into her arms, your lips meeting hers once again.

You head back to the bar and close out your tab as the night comes to an end. You say your goodbyes to your friends and you see Brian, he gives you a nod and you return the action. You and Rebecca walk back to the car, hand-in-hand, your fingers interlocked and your arms gently swaying as you walk through the carpark.

You get into the car and she looks over at you.

"So, babe," she says with a smile. "Would you like to come back to my place?"

"I would love to, my beautiful girlfriend."

You both giggle as you lean in for a kiss. Rebecca puts the car in drive and pulls away.

Walking into the restaurant tonight, you never would have guessed that this is how your night would end, but you're more than happy about it.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Semantic Error | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter 3

Based off of Semantic Error (bl) by J Soori Summary: y/n meets Jimin and makes Jungkook jealous Pairing: Techie inexperienced fem!reader x Artist fuck boy Jungkook Word count: 2.7k~ Warnings: Explicit language, Idk that's pretty much it for this chapter. A/N: This is heavily based off of the original bl (boy love) Semantic Error and it covers chapters (episodes) 4,5 and 29. I've switched around the timeline quite a bit and got rid of some scenes here and there to make the story progress a bit faster so they're not exactly alike but I would like to stick close to the original story so let me know what you think! P.s. If you don't mind spoilers I would highly suggest reading the original story. I read it on the app Manta with the english adaptation being done by Angy and you can also find the Kdrama on Viki :) Read from the beginning

The next day as I'm walking to the cafeteria I see a guy fall dropping some books and papers all over the floor. I decide to walk past because honestly it's not my problem but unfortunately once I'm in his line of sight he decides to call out to me. "Hey sorry do you think you could help me pick this stuff up? I shouldn't have tried to balance all of it on top of each other" he says clearly regretting his actions. I start picking things up quietly, not making an effort to make conversation and once we're finished I decide to turn and go. 

"Wait! What's your name?" he asks preventing me from leaving. "y/n" I state and wait for him to continue on with whatever he had planned to say. "Well y/n would you mind helping me carry this stuff over to the music building? I'm just worried I might drop it all again" he says taking all of the heavy books and hoping that I'll pick up the folders full of sheet music. I stand there for a second trying to calculate the time it would take me to help him out and if I can fit it into my schedule. 

"If you help me, I'll buy you lunch" he says with a bright almost perfect smile aside from his cooked front tooth. Thinking about it now with that incentive clearly tips the scale, providing him with a favorable result. I wordlessly pick up the things he couldn't manage to carry and wait for him to lead the way. "You don't talk much do you?" he chuckles giving me a sideways glance. "Not unless it's necessary" I say and continue to follow hoping I'll get this over with so I can get back on schedule.

"So...what's your major?" he says obviously trying to maintain a conversation with me. "Computer Engineering" I answer giving his as short of answers as possible. I'm not one for casual conversation, let alone conversation at all. Like I said, only when necessary. "I'm Jimin by the way, and if you couldn't guess already my major is music. Well, music and dance but my course load this semester is very music centric" I nod my head and he decides to keep rambling which seems to be something he's used to doing.

From the casual glances we're getting it seems like he's pretty well known in this department. "Hey Jimin you down to go grab some lunch in a sec?" a guy in a big group of people yells out. "Nah that's okay, I promised to buy y/n lunch for helping me out" he says motioning to me as best as he can with his hands full. "Oh...okay well have fun" the guy says and goes back to one of the many conversations going on over there. 

I turn my head and look back up at Jimin confused, "You could've just given me enough for the cafeteria and have gone with them" I say hoping to brush him off and go back to my solitude. "I'm not gonna buy you food from the cafeteria silly, let's go somewhere! There's a cool pizza place right outside of campus that I've been wanting to check out. You wanna go?" he asks asks and nods towards the classroom that we're meant to leave these things at. "I guess" I shrug not really caring at this point. Since my class doesn't start for another two hours I guess I could afford to go off campus to eat for a change, especially since it's free. 

As we make our way into the pizza place (creatively named Pizza Planet) we're greeted by a pretty big crowd but luckily we're able to find a table near the entrance right away. "Welcome in" someone yells letting us know they saw us come in and they'll be with us in a moment. "This place is pretty cool huh? He says referring to the theme that seems to be trendy these days. "Spaceships, nice" I say barely looking up while scanning the QR code to get the menu.

"Have you never watched the movie Toy Story?" he says, surprised that I don't have a better reaction to it. "No I'm not big on American movies or whatever. My family really only showed us media that was Korean or Japanese" I say hoping to show that I'm not interested on elaborating on the topic any further and luckily before he can say anything again our server comes to our table. 

"Welcome to Pizza Planet guys, what can I get you?" he says with a bright smile until his glance falls on me. For some reason his expression changes to that of annoyance and I'm slightly confused but not enough to comment on it. "Do you know what you want y/n?" Jimin asks me and I take a quick glance over the menu and settle on the most expensive item. It's a free meal so might as well milk it for all it's worth.

Jimin places his order and the server looks back down at me and asks if we wanted anything else to which Jimin denies. "You guys do student discounts though right?" he asks holding out his card and the server takes his eyes off of me to inspect his student ID and confirms his suspicions. 

Once he hands him back his student ID the server's gaze for some reason falls back on me. "Do you need to see my ID too?" I question suddenly weirded out by his glaring. "No" he says full of spite, pushing up the bridge of his glasses. "Okay well then you can go now, don't you have other people to serve?" I say shooing him off, to which he looks down at me with utter confusion and opts to just turn away to go put in our order instead of making an further discussion. 

"Are you okay?" Jimin asks, clearly aware of the weird tension between the server and I. "Yeah I'm fine, he was just acting really weird" I say and shake it off for the time being. "Do you know him?" he asks tilting his head at me. "Why would I know a random guy in a pizza place?" I say confused as to how this all connects in his head. "Well because he goes to school with us, I believe his name is Jungkook, I had a class with him last semester and he seemed like a cool guy or so I thought. Are you guys okay?" he asks clearly concerned, seeing my face contort into an uncomfortable realization when I finally put the pieces together. 

I guess I didn't recognize him because he was dressed so differently while sporting a hat and glasses. Looks like he clearly recognized me though, and he definitely wasn't happy to see me. I watch as Jungkook makes his way out of the shop as another server comes to relieve him. "Would you mind it if I went outside to go talk to him for a second?" I ask already standing up not really caring to wait for his permission. "Oh um yeah okay, I guess I'll just stay here" he says awkwardly while watching me walk out before I'm finally out of his view. 

Looking around I notice that there's a small alleyway between this pizza place and the next building over and I can see a puff of smoke coming out of it as well as hear someone's voice sounding like some sort of argument. I walk over and thankfully it's the exact person I've been looking for. "Hey can you get off the phone?" I say and he looks up glaring at me and he stops leaves a pause in the conversation happening before he tells the person on the phone that he has to go. "What do you want?" he says before taking a drag off of his cigarette. 

"We need to talk" I say seeing if he's open to it. "So talk" he says and purposefully blows smoke in my direction which leaves me having to wave away the smoke and clear my throat before I'm able to start. "I owe you an apology" I start off, "No shit you do" he mumbles under his breath. "Are you gonna let me talk or should I just go back inside?" I say getting short with him. "Yeah go back to your boyfriend, see if I care" he spits out and throws his cigarette on the floor to stomp it out before pushing himself up off the wall and making moves to walk off.

"He's not my boyfriend, in fact not that it's any of your business but we just met today and the only reason I'm here is because he offered me a free meal for helping him carry some stuff across campus" I say in one breath and open my mouth to continue "That doesn't sound like you" he interrupts laughing bitterly at my story. "Well it's the truth and you can ask him yourself if you really don't believe me" I say crossing my arm, becoming aware that this has now become my defensive stance of choice against him.

"No that's fine I believe you, I just find it adorable that you could be so food motivated. Helping out a perfectly good stranger and then making a trip with him off campus. That wasn't very smart of you y/n" he says taunting me. "Just because you're older than me doesn't mean that you get to talk down to me" I say getting even more irritated at this situation. "That's funny that you say that" he says getting closer until he's sure to tower over me, "because it looks like I have to love" he says trying to get some sort of reaction out of me. 

I'm not sure exactly what it could be I decide to take a step back but as I do I find myself slipping on something and I mentally brace for impact but it never comes, now seeming to notice a firm grasp on my waist instead of my back on the cold hard street. "Be careful there y/n, we wouldn't want to have an accident on our hands" he says amused at our forced proximity and my facial expressions because of it. I get back up on my feet and push him away after I've sure I regained my balance. "I apologized okay? Now stop being so hostile, it's annoying" I say while straightening out my clothes. "But I like seeing the faces you make when I'm annoying you" he says with a smirk. 

"What faces? I don't make any faces" I deny. "Why don't you go look in the mirror pretty, I'm sure you'll see why I like it so much" he says before walking past me. "Hey where are you going? Aren't you going to apologize too?" I call after him before he gets too far. "Sorry love, I've gotta go back to work, why don't we pick this up later?" he says sending me a wink before opening the door and walking inside. "But I don't want there to be a later" I say under my breath kicking the rocks that I had no doubt slipped on just moments ago. I shake myself out of whatever headspace he had me in and take a deep breath trying to calm myself down. 

I've never had a rush of so many emotions running through me before, and the only other times it has gotten close to this it seems like Jungkook has been the one to triggered them. I groan and make my way back inside as well and I sit back down at the table not making an effort to say a word to Jimin. "So how did it go? It seemed like he was pretty happy when he walked in" he says intrigued by our polar opposite returns with me being the one who looks upset now. "He's happy because he was able to irritate me and get a reaction out of me. Ugh I should've never went out there" I groan and take a drink of my water.

"Why did you end up going out there?" he questions, clearly interested in the story behind our weird behaviors. "I said some things that were probably interpreted as being mean, I'm not the kind of person who cares much about others but I'm adult enough to admit that what I said was out of line" I say rolling my eye irritated that I let him get the best of me time and time again, but for some reason I end up being the bad guy.

"I swear this man is going to put me in an early grave" I say and then speak of the devil Jungkook shows up with our order. "That's not very nice, are you already trying to be mean to me again" he pouts jokingly. "No but you are being rather rude listening in on people's conversations" I roll my eyes and go back to taking a drink of water. "It's not my fault that you're talking about me right in front of me. Anyways is there anything else I can get you guys?" he asks looking between the two of us.

"No I think we're all set" Jimin responds sending me a smile which I return with a nod. "What about you pretty? Do you need anything else from me?" Jungkook says leaning towards me and tucking my hair behind my ear to see my face better. To which I respond to by choking on my water while also spilling some on the table. "Shit y/n are you okay?" Jimin asks clearly concerned for my welfare. I cough a few times and send him a thumbs up trying to calm my coughs down. "I'll go get you guys some napkins" Jungkook chuckles walking off. 

"Man I swear guys like him think they can get away with anything just because they're more attractive than the average male" he says rolling his eyes at him and handing his napkins over to me. "Thanks" I say and clean up as best as I could while we wait for the rest of the napkins. "It's fine I'm over it" I say clearing my throat hopefully for the last time right as Jungkook returns with more napkins.

"Sorry guys I was just teasing, your meal's on me this time okay?" he says giving us both a charming smile. "You sure?" Jimin asks looking surprised as ever. "Yeah it's the least I could do for interrupting you guys and making y/n upset" he says but I can tell he's still teasing me even though he's behaving in front of Jimin. 

"Thank you so much" Jimin says giving him a thankful shallow bow. "It's fine don't mention it, also you can call me Hyung if you want to, I don't mind" Jungkook offers, clearly trying to get on Jimin's good side. This whole act he's putting on is ridiculous, I haven't known him for long but I can sure as hell tell when people are lying. "Okay, thank you Jungkook hyung" he says and smiles back at me. "You can call me Oppa if you want to y/n" he says offering it to me as well, waiting for me to take the bait. 

"Jungkook is just fine for me, I'll call you JK if you want me to, but that's it" I say not bothering to show any sort of respect and grace to the person who just bought my meal which is probably cold by now. "Aw come on just once?" he says mercilessly taunting me still. "Don't you ever get tired of being a pain in the ass?" I say finally fed up with all of his antics "Nope" he says popping the P at the end before leaning down to whisper in my ear "You look cute when you're feisty" he says making sure to blow on my neck again making me shiver slightly. 

I stand up abruptly and he straightens his posture and takes a step back giving me the tiniest bit of room to pass by. "Jimin I'm leaving if you want I'll wait for you outside so we can take the food back to campus" I say and make moves to leave as quickly as I can, not missing the way Jungkook chuckles at me on the way out. "Um yeah I'll be out in a second. Hyung do you think you could box this up for us?" he asks using the new term he had been encouraged to use. "Sure, see you around y/n" he says making sure I hear it before the door closes behind me.  

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[goodnightmemes]

EVIL DEAD RISE (2023) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ You looked like you were gonna shit a brick out sideways. ❜

❛ It wouldn't have been a clean decapitation with these blades. You'd just scramble your face up real good. ❜

❛ I gave her Klonopin so she can sleep off whatever the fuck is wrong with her. ❜

❛ Who's the brainless meat puppet now? ❜

❛ We're watching all the Freddy movies in a row. Even the shitty ones. So, you, um, wanna come over and… ❜

❛ You look like mom. ❜

❛ You know, the downstairs buzzer is totally busted. I was able to walk in right off the street. ❜

❛ Ghosts aren't real. ❜

❛ I only believe what I can see. ❜

❛ Hey, be nice or you don't get a gift. ❜

❛ Why didn't you tell me? I would've jumped right on a plane to help you work through this. ❜

❛ I called you. Twice. ❜

❛ I don't blame you. I hate the sound of my voice too. ❜

❛ I screwed up again, like I always do. And I need you to help me figure it out. Again. ❜

❛ I think I peed my pants. ❜

❛ You never take the elevator after a quake. ❜

❛ Oh, honey. I love you guys so much more than pizza. ❜

❛ You think it might be worth something? ❜

❛ I don't think Mom wants cash from something you stole. ❜

❛ Weird shit like this gets locked away for a reason. Just leave it. ❜

❛ I don't like this. You need to put it back right now. ❜

❛ I would like to present what I believe to be one of the three fabled volumes of Naturum Demento, The Book of the Dead. ❜

❛ Destroy it! It's called The Book of the Dead for a reason! ❜

❛ Its pages contain ancient rituals and incantations, the recitation of which proclaim to allow contact with supernatural forces that exist beyond the thin veneer of our known world. ❜

❛ It's okay. It's just a blackout. ❜

❛ It was a perfect day and all I could think about was how much I wanted to cut you all open and climb inside your bodies so that we could stay one happy family. ❜

❛ It's in me. ❜

❛ Don't let it take my babies. ❜

❛ One minute she was fine and the next she was talking crazy and...and now she's gone. ❜

❛ May I pray? ❜

❛ There's an old fire-escape ladder on the north side of the building. I could try to get down that, raise the alarm, get some help in here.❜

❛ You got the tools? We could just cut right through the door. ❜

❛ You ain't gettin' through those old doors without something heavy-duty. ❜

❛ I'm gonna get my gun, and we're gonna blast it open. ❜

❛ I don't like being trapped. ❜

❛ Everyone is on edge enough without a gun getting fired in here. ❜

❛ I don't know what to do. You're the one who always has the answers. ❜

❛ No matter how busy you ever got, you always found time for me. For everyone. ❜

❛ You have to help me. You have to. I'm burning. I'm burning alive! ❜

❛ Mommy's with the maggots now. ❜

❛ What's happening to me? ❜

❛ I'm free now. Free from all you titty-sucking parasites. ❜

❛ Let me kiss it better. ❜

❛ Who wants to rot next? ❜

❛ Get away from the door. ❜

❛ Please, we need help! Let me in! ❜

❛ You never should've stolen it. ❜

❛ This isn't my fault. ❜

❛This is your fault! ❜

❛ You don't turn on each other. Ever. ❜

❛ [name]'s right. This is all my fault. ❜

❛ Oh, there you are. Hey there, cutie-pie. ❜

❛ Open up and let us in. We can be a big, happy family again. ❜

❛ You don't look so good. ❜

❛ Nothing a big old hug and kiss from you won't fix. ❜

❛ Open the door like you open your legs, you stinking groupie slut! ❜

❛ What are you looking at, hon? ❜

❛ I gotta kill the creepy-crawlies that I got inside my tummy. ❜

❛ Is this a nightmare? ❜

❛ Is what happened to [name] gonna happen to us? ❜

❛ You'd be a good mom/dad someday. You know how to lie to kids. ❜

❛ I thought I should tie her up. Just in case. ❜

❛ Yeah, well, maybe there's words on there that can help stop all of this. ❜

❛ My want to understand and commune with the other side could not have been more misguided. ❜

❛ This evil is not governed by the rules of man. No, it takes its pleasure in creating terror through total chaos. ❜

❛ [name]'s kitty hides up there sometimes. ❜

❛ Told you, you should've put the book back. ❜

❛ I can hear them outside the doors now, begging for me. It is only a matter of time before I am taken too. ❜

❛ Nothing can stop this demonic force. Even its final remnants will come after you. ❜

❛ You must run. All you can do is run! ❜

❛ This horror will not stop until innocence is destroyed. ❜

❛ I will swallow your soul. ❜

❛ [name] waits in hell for you and your unborn bastard baby. ❜

❛ Are you gonna be a mom? ❜

❛ I'm getting us out of here. ❜

❛ You have no idea what it's like to bring a child into this world. ❜

❛ Everybody here dies by dawn. Dead by dawn! ❜

❛ Am I dead? ❜

❛ Come get some. ❜

❛ You know, you really do look like Mom. And you're gonna fail miserably just like her. ❜

[randomprose]

393: the bicycle scene

He Tian watches as Mo Guan Shan plays around with the bicycle. 

He’s circling around the quad, pedalling without holding on the handle bars. Mo Guan Shan looks relaxed and the expression on his face looks so boyish and young. As if the events in the previous days were all just a bad dream. 

He Tian wants him to always be like this. He wants Mo Guan Shan to just be a regular kid and never get hurt ever again.

“Little Mo~” Mo Guan Shan turns to him at the mention of the nickname (Cute, he thinks, Like an angry kitten) and He Tian couldn’t help but smile. “Come here!”

There’s a frown and an angry pout on Mo Guan Shan’s face, but he pedals to the shade where He Tian is anyway and that too makes him smile. 

“What’s up?”

He Tian just makes a come hither gesture and Mo Guan Shan pedals closer. The protests come as soon as he figures out what He Tian wants, sitting sideways at the bike’s back seat. 

“This is buzzcut’s new ride. What are you gonna do if you accidentally break the rear wheel?”

That’s what he says, but He Tian hears what he’s not saying.

I don’t know how to do this. You'll get hurt, you know? And then what?

He Tian just waves him off. “It's not that fragile.”

I'm not that fragile. He’s not and he knows Mo Guan Shan will never hurt him willingly. I'm not gonna get hurt. Even if he does, He Tian will take it.

“Fuck, we're gonna fall,” Guan Shan says but he doesn’t brush off He Tian’s hand on his waist. 

This is not a good idea. We're not a good idea.

“Enough nonsense.”  Give him an inch and He Tian will take a mile. With Guan Shan not shaking off the arm on his waist, He Tian holds on tight and leans his weight against his back. “Start moving. I'm not afraid of falling.”

I'm really not. Shut up and move already. I’m ready.

“Move your hands away. Grab onto the seat instead.”

Let me go. You could do so much better. Just let me go.

He’s giving He Tian a last out, a last chance to leave and let go, but why would He Tian do that? He’s already locked in on Mo Guan Shan since the day after the fight with Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi when he saw him eating a sandwich outside some convenience store. He Tian has decided to keep him when he called, stuck in the rain, and Mo Guan Shan, pissed and unsure wholly wary of him, came with an umbrella anyway and cooked him beef stew at his apartment (albeit under threat). He Tian already vowed to take care and protect him, shield him from whatever shitty thing the world is gonna throw at him, when he Guan Shan looked more pained than He Tian was when he saw his hurt hand. 

He Tian knew he liked him when he had that nightmare and his first instinct was to call him. By the time Mo Guan Shan told him he doesn’t actually hate him that much, He Tian already likes him too much he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s the only one he feels safe enough to come to, with all of his guards down, that he can allow himself to rest and sleep defenseless.

He Tian realized he loves him when they went to that aquarium and Mo Guan Shan said he’s too bothered by He Tian to ever forget him. When Guan Shan asked for new earrings, He Tian thought his heart would burst from how happy that simple request made him. He’s so in love with him he feels crazy with it. He hangs at every word Mo Guan Shan says, at everything he does, that if he tells He Tian to jump off a cliff he’ll be at the bottom of it before he could finish saying the words. If Mo Guan Shan asks for his heart, He Tian will carve it out of his chest himself and serve it to him on a silver platter.

He Tian is sixteen and already six feet too deep in love with Mo Guan Shan he doesn’t have any idea how to let him go even if he tried.

“No, I'm not letting go.”

And He Tian really means it.

[thegoodthebadthealternative]

The Good, The Bad, and The Alternative: a homestuck fanfiction. Chapter 34, an excerpt:

"Well, that sounds better than no plan, I suppose," Kanaya agreed. "We'll take a table far enough away that you don't feel like we're hovering."

"And we'll keep an eye out for you going mister cool guy mode if you flub too many open and honest type behaviors," Vriska added.

"Goddamnit, you were eavesdropping." Dave sighed, swinging his legs up so he could sit on the counter sideways, able to see both of them. "Was there any part of this convo that actually stayed private?"

"I could lie if it makes you feel better," Vriska said, shoving her hand in her jeans pocket. She pulled out a crumbled fifty-dollar bill. "Is this enough to cover these clothes? Walmart shirts are fine for casual wear, but if I look super schlubby, I'll stand out more."

"Hmm, I think that works out to just enough," Kanaya lied, taking the proffered fifty. She grabbed the security magnet remover from behind the counter. "Dave, can you help her get the tags off?"

"Nah, she's being hella shady." He refused the proffered tool. "Vriska, you're not gonna go gossiping to John about my tragicomic ass behavior, are you?"

"Depends," she replied, idly fiddling with the magnet on her tank top. Casually, she added, "how sure are we that Jade isn't a succubus?"

Kanaya sputtered. "What?"

"Seconded. What?" Dave chimed in.

"Wellllllll, the logic seems pretty obvious to me." Vriska cleared her throat, flicking the security tag onto the counter, which she'd apparently worked free without the magnet remover. She looked up at Kanaya, addressing her directly. "So, picture this. John and I are making cupcakes, right? John's in this cute ruffled apron with flowers on it. Some banter ensues- Dave calls him a housewife, John threatens to withhold the goods if he doesn't quit the jokes, and next thing I know, Dave is literally begging on his knees, hands clasped like a groveling peasant as he praises John's skills."

Dave groaned in embarrassment. "I swear it sounded better in my head as I was doing it."

"Psh, I bet." Vriska waggled her eyebrows. "So. He crawls in close, like just barely out of dick-sucking range, and then they just stare at each other, leaving me smelling way too much information about the direction their thoughts were wandering. John's dad was in the room and the dude totally forgot, his pupils were blown like he was on ecstasy. Absolutely atrocious, he's lucky humans can't smell or see that kind of detail from the other side of the room." 

"Dude, no, he was just staring at my antics. He's straight." Dave shook his head. 

"Do you need me to spell out exactly what I was smelling?" Vriska asked incredulously, whipping her head around to stare at Dave. "Maybe he's just so fucking drawn in by your cool guy shtick that he thinks you're the straight one, so he isn't talking flirty or whatever. But the body keeps the score on that kind of stuff, and he can't hide the reactions happening underneath the skin." 

"But what does that have to do with Jade?" Kanaya asked, trying to draw Vriska's intensity back in her direction. 

"Oh, just that John's first favorite subject was Dave, pre-party. They did that whole rap thing against Tavros and Gamzee, I thought they were two, maybe three drinks away from a successful maneuver on the dance floor. But then Jade shows up, and suddenly John is-" Vriska crossed her pointer and middle finger. "Like this with her for the rest of the party, even though Dave nearly got his brain melted. It was fucking weird . Then he doesn't even stop by to say hi to us, not one, but two days in a row, because he's too busy in the morning getting ready to hang out with Jade? Makes me think, maybe she's pulling some heavy seduction magic."

For a moment, the trio were silent, absorbing Vriska's words.

"Are you a conspiracy theorist? Genuinely asking," Dave said, crossing his arms.

Do you think Vriska is blowing things out of proportion? Read on to find out!

The Good, The Bad, and The Alternative (449733 words) by Madam_Melon_Meow, sarcasticcelery Chapters: 34/? Fandom: Homestuck Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak, Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido, Eridan Ampora & Feferi Peixes, Kanaya Maryam & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde & Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider & Dave Strider, Beta Kids & Beta Trolls, Jade Harley & Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde, Dad Egbert & John Egbert, Kanaya Maryam/Vriska Serket, Eridan Ampora/Dave Strider Characters: John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, Becquerel (Homestuck), Kanaya Maryam, Vriska Serket, Karkat Vantas, Terezi Pyrope, Aradia Megido, Tavros Nitram, Sollux Captor, Gamzee Makara, Eridan Ampora, Feferi Peixes, Nepeta Leijon, Equius Zahhak, Virgin Mother Grub (Homestuck), Vriska's Lusus, Gl'bgolyb (Homestuck), Dad Egbert, Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Aurthour (Homestuck), The Condesce (Homestuck), Serenity (Homestuck) Additional Tags: inspired by Kim Harrison’s The Hollows, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Humanstuck, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Human Lusii (Homestuck), Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Demigods, Vampires, multi POV: all beta trolls & humans, The Horrorterrors (Homestuck), Non-Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Violence, Magic, Aged-Up Character(s), the kids and trolls range between 16 and 20, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vriska Serket has PTSD, Memory Loss, Scars, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Plot Twists, Unreliable Narrator, Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider Are Not Related, Skaianet Laboratories, beta guardians are not alpha kids and troll parents are not ancestors, monsterstuck, Break Up, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ship Tags Will Update As They Become Relevant, Good Person Gamzee Makara, Suicide Attempt by Proxy, Dissociation, Victim Blaming, Abusive Parents, sexually active teenagers, Underage Drinking Series: Part 1 of Monsterstuck: Suburban Catastrophe Summary: Three years ago, on John Egbert's birthday, the world ended. Three years ago, Jade Harley and Vriska Serket vanished alongside billions of others. Three years ago, the apocalypse arrived, transforming everything and revealing much that was hidden to those who remained. Three years ago, the meteors (mostly!) missed Houston, and that's where John's headed today. In Houston, Rose Lalonde searches for washed-up traces of magic, warily overseen by Kanaya and her old friend Dave. In Texas, the newly dubbed "alternatives" maintain a newfound alliance with the humans they saved--and a wary truce with the Hunter forces that once kept all these creatures of fable and fairytale a secret from the world of man. And here, in Houston, the world is about to change once again. An urban fantasy monsterstuck AU featuring the beta kids, beta trolls, and their guardians. Updates every other Saturday!

[fandomwe1rd0]

The Smith Family plays Uno!

The Smith family was sitting at the table, all eating dinner, it was a rare time where Space Beth was eating with them. Rick was the first to finish and quickly got up. Then he felt a hand grab his arm and pull him back in the seat. He stared daggers at who it was, it was Jerry. "What the fu-*burp*-ck Jerry!?" Rick asked, voice sharp. Jerry slowly took a deep breath "Rick don't tell me you forgot..."Jerry continued, voice bright and sunny "It's family game night!" Space Beth stood up, despite her plate not being finished "Andddd that's my cue to leave." Summer begged "C'mon please stay?" "I have to go back to saving the galaxy..." "Please?" Space Beth clicked her tongue, then after a few seconds begrudgingly sat down "Okay, fine." Jerry smiled "See Rick? It's time!" Rick narrowed his eyes "No the fuck it's n-*burp*-ot-" Beth gave Rick a side eye, eyebrows furrowed. She spoke, her voice frim "Dad, this was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you." Rick rolled his eyes "Sweetie, you know I don't listen when Jerry talks, besides I've got really important science stuff to ma-*burp*-ke." Rick started getting up, but Space Beth clutched his arm in a chain-lock grip shot him a glare "Dad, if I have to deal with this, you do too." Rick narrowed his eyes and relented as he took a seat and crossed his arms, eyes darting around almost as if looking for an escape route. 

Summer was leaning back in her chair, texting on her phone, only for it to be yanked away by Jerry "Wha- DAD!" Summer lunged to get it back, but Jerry stuffed the phone in his pocket, patting Summer's head, "Don't worry sweetie I'll give it back to you after we're done with family game night!" Summer furrowed her eyebrows "You promised me I could go to Thrisa's party!" Jerry shook his head "No I didn't." Space Beth head tilted "Yes you did, I heard you." Jerry shifted and rubbed the back of his neck "I kinda...forgot about family game night till I got a reminder for it on my phone..." Jerry let out an awkward laugh. Summer scrowled "Screw that, I'm going, last time I checked, this isn't Russia." Summer stated, walking towards the door, then Jerry gently put his hand on her shoulder "Stay here for family game night Summer, or I'm joining TikTok." Summer gasped then raced back to her seat, sitting down lighting fast.

Summer's gaze fell on Morty, who was just sitting down. "C'mon Morty, you have to be annoyed too." Morty shrugged "I...I don't know, it might be kinda fun..." Summer scoffed and crossed her arms. "Whatever." Morty gulped and adjusted his legs. 

Jerry smiled "Ok now that everyone is here...I got Uno!" Space Beth sighed "Can't believe I married you...you realize that'll make everyone in this family hate each other?" Beth smiled "As if we don't already." Space Beth grinned "Good point." then they both started laughing. Jerry put his hands on his hip as he turned to Beth "Honey!" then he gave a sideways look to Space Beth "You." finally, he turned his attention to both of them "This will be fun! We'll have a great time" Summer huffed as she laid her feet on the table crossing her arms "Yeah, we'll all have fun screaming at each other because nobody will follow the rules." Rick smirked and held his hand up "Nice manip Sum-sum!" Summer beamed and high-fived Rick. 

Jerry gently pushed Summer's feet on the table "Don't put your feet on the table! We eat there!" Summer sighed and grumbled "I wish I had my phone right now..." Morty pleaded "Calm down Summer, this...this might be fun." Jerry smiled as he ruffled Morty's hair "There's my boy! He gets it!" Rick groaned "He's only saying that cause he's the 2nd biggest idiot in the family." Morty rolled his eyes "Oh fuck you Rick" Rick's unibrow creased "Oh fuck you too you little-" Jerry intervened "Woah woah! Stop with all of this negativity! We're just supposed to play games and have a nice time as a family, and that's what we're gonna do, ok?" Rick exhaled and sarcastically remarked with a mock salute "Yes patriarch."

Jerry cleared his throat "Alright...now everyone finish their food and I'll get the uno cards!" Jerry left the table and Rick leaned over to Morty, whom he was sitting next to, he was in between Morty and Space Beth. Then he whispered to Morty "Hey, want me to shoot a portal so we can get out of here?" Morty opened his mouth, but before any words could come out, Space Beth shot a mean stare at Rick "Dad, I'm literally right next to you. You're staying." Rick groaned "Fine."

After everyone finished their food, Jerry dealt the Uno cards "Everyone ready?" Jerry asked, voice too enthusiastic. Rick just shrugged without answering. Morty nodded, a crease forming as he looked at his cards. Space Beth had her poker face on as she leaned back in her chair and said "Yeah." And Beth mumbled "Chirst these cards..." But nodded nonetheless. And Summer sighed "Seriously Dad!? You have to give me the worst cards!?" Jerry put his hands on Summer's shoulder "Calm down sweetie! You want to make everyone else think you can win this?" She slapped Jerry's hands off swiftly "And why would I want that?" "Sweetie..." "Let's just get on with the game Dad."

Jerry frowned as he trudged and slumped back in his seat "Okay...let's start..." He tried to laugh but it was obviously forced "This is gonna be fun! Summer, honey, how about you go first." Summer smirked as she laid down a draw 4 card, directed at Morty. Morty's jaw fell to the floor "I thought you had bad cards!" Summer sighed "Yeah, and? I was lying, get in the game lil bro." Jerry laughed as he hugged Summer "There's my girl!" He chirped as he ruffled Summer's hair. Summer kicked her feet as she giggled "Let me go!" She was trying to sound mad, but the happiness in her voice betrayed any genuine anger. Jerry released Summer for the spine-crushing hug with a bright smile.

Rick rolled his eyes "Can we get on with the game?" Morty crossed his arm "I-I'm not going to get the cards, it was unfair-" "Morty just-" "NO!" "Stop being a fucki-*burp*-ng brat!" "FUCK YOU RICK!" "Well fuck you too!" Jerry sat up as he put a hand on Morty's back "Son, it's only a game-" Both Rick and Morty said in synchronization "Shut up!" Jerry sighed as he sunk into his chair "Ok." Beth sternly gazed at Morty "Morty. Don't talk to your father like that." Jerry smiled and Beth kept talking "Stop being a sore loser and take the cards." "But Mom-!" Beth spoke, voice clear yet firm, a warning. "Morty." Morty huffed as he took the cards. "I'll get you back for this Summer." Summer leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed as she smirked "I'd loved to see you try. Bring it on lil bro!"

Rick leaned over and Space Beth pulled him back in the chair "Stop trying to look at Morty's cards." Rick scoffed and Morty sent a glare his way, but didn't say anything. Morty was clearly trying to be intimidating, but it was more so cute. Like when a baby animal is angry. 

They continued playing and eventually Rick was at 2 cards, Summer was at 2, Jerry was at 25 (Don't ask), Morty was at 5, and Beth and Space Beth were at 3.

Summer looked at Morty "What was that you said?" She asked with a smile, leaning her head on her enclosed fist "You'll 'get me back for this'?" Morty's face turned red "Shut up!" Summer giggled "Someone's a sore loser..." "I am not!" Beth sighed "I gotta do everything myself..." she muttered. "Summer stop bragging. Morty stop being a sore loser." Morty slammed his hands on the table " I am not!" "Yeah that's why you're slamming the table like a totally cool-headed sane person would..." "Fuck you Summer!" Rick held Morty back "Just stop being a pussy Morty." Morty scoffed as he fell back in his seat, pouting. 

Summer pulled out a draw 2 card and Morty groaned "AGAIN!?" Summer shrugged with a jutted chin. Morty grumbled as he got the card then gasped "What?" Summer asked. Then Morty put it down. It was a custom card that said switch hands with a player of your choice. Morty smiled "I choose to switch with Summer!" Summer stomped "Mom! Tell him that's not allowed!" Beth sighed "Follow the rules of the game Summer." Summer sighed as she slowly switched with Morty. Morty beamed "Oh look, the last one is a draw 4 card." Morty placed it down and Summer groaned "This isn't even fair! He won with my cards!" Rick scoffed and threw his cards on the table "Whatever. Uno's dumb anyway..." Space Beth smiled, ruffling Morty's hair as she walked away "Nice job." Jerry did the same as he walked to his room "Nice going son!" Rick stuffed his hands in his pockets "You did...ok...I guess." Summer just sneered "Just give me my phone back Dad!" Beth didn't say anything, just going to her room.

Morty sat there, as he secretly hoped that this family game night, wouldn't be the last.

[daintyduck99]

"Did you really think I was gonna let you leave without a hug?" + Sweet Tarts?

He didn't show. He didn't fucking show. 

And isn't that just typical? 

If only reminding herself helped at all. 

But Carrie's had years of practice, and she's a born performer; she struts across the stage with her head held high. 

A genuine smile finds its way onto her lips as Reggie's wolf whistle rises out of the crowd, but it dies after she drops Principal Lessa's hand, clutching her diploma and blankly making her way back to her seat. It doesn't take long; she's in the very front.

Funnily enough, she placed fifth in the class, right behind Julie. It doesn't sting like it once would've, so. There is that. 

Julie frowns. She clutches Carrie's arm and leans in to whisper, "Are you okay?" 

Carrie dips her head back, hoping it's enough to get her point across. She can't say it out loud; it's much too early to cry. 

Julie hisses through her teeth. 

"Seriously? He didn't even send Dante?" 

Carrie shrugs sharply. She didn't see her father's personal assistant, but he's difficult to miss, as he's flamboyant and imposing. 

Honestly. She can't wait to see what sort of excuse he comes up with for this one. 

But the real question is what sort of bribe he's going to smooth it over with, isn't it? 

Sometimes it's more like he's trying to smooth her over, like she's just a wrinkle in his glamorous, blitzed out rockstar life. 

Well. This is her life, and she's going to keep making her own name, at the college she chose and not whichever one he's probably going to offer to throw money at.

Julie refuses to let Carrie stalk off as soon as graduation officially ends, though, quashing her burst of motivation before she can go start her summer assignment.

So what if she hasn't read the book yet? 

She's scarcely shucked off her heels before Julie's dragging her to their friends, who dogpile them despite Carrie's shriek. 

Reggie rescues her from the fray, shielding her in a singular embrace as he wraps his arms around her, and he laughs into her hair as she proceeds to huff about it all. 

"Come on, Care. Did you really think we were going to let you leave without a hug?" 

"That wasn't a hug," she mutters. "It felt like I was in a cartoon fight with everyone's fists flying around, it was just. Barbaric!" 

Reggie snorts. "What about this, then?" 

It's a good thing she's tucked under his chin; he has no way of noticing as blood rushes into her cheeks. She bites her lip.

"Are you fishing for compliments, Peters?" 

"Yeah! We deserve it. Congrats, Wilson." 

Another genuine smile spreads over her face. She buries it in his chest, hugging him harder as she mumbles, "You, too."

No one pays them much mind as they unravel, preoccupied by the Molina's. Carrie's about to glide over to Julie when Reggie catches the sleeve of her gown. 

He clears his throat, cheeks pinkening. 

"Hey, I know everyone's going out for pizza, and you probably have other plans already anyway, but I was wondering—" 

"I don’t," Carrie says awkwardly, cursing inwardly as he sends her a sideways look. "Have other plans. Any other plans. I—I don't care what everyone else is doing. I want to do whatever you're doing. Yes." 

A sunny grin slowly blooms on his lips.

"Really? You don't even know what I was going to ask you to do. Could be bowling with aliens. Or an assassination plot. And I know it's a bit last minute to be asking." 

Laughter bubbles out of her. "Really." 

He holds his arm out, eyes sparkling. 

"Then I guess it's a date. You can tell me all about your big aspirations while we're out killing aliens. It'll be fun, I promise." 

And it is fun; the time practically flies. 

So maybe her dad didn't show, but maybe it was for the best, because she doesn't have to explain why she was out all night.

Or why there's erased security footage. 

[phoebe-parker]

Seven O'Clock in the evening

Watchin' somethin' stupid on TV

I'm zoned out on the sofa

When my wife comes in the room and sees me

And she says "is this 'Behind the Music'

With Lynard Skynard?"

And I say I don't know

Say, it's gettin' late, watcha wanna do for dinner?

She says "I kinda had a big lunch

So I'm not super hungry"

I said, well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either

But I could eat"

She said "So whadya have in mind?"

I said I don't know what about you?

She said "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat"

I said that's what we're gonna do!

But first you gotta tell me

What it is you're hungry for!

And she says "let me think,

What's left in our refrigerator?"

I said well, there's tuna, I know

She said "That went bad a week ago!"

I said is the chili okay?

She said "you finished that yesterday!"

I hopped up and I said

I don't know, do you want to get something delivered?

She's like "why would I want to eat liver?

I don't even like liver!"

I'm like no, I said 'delivered'

She's like "I heard you say liver!"

I'm like I should know what I said

She's like "whatever, I just don't want any liver!"

Well I was gonna say something

But my cell phone started to ring

Now who could be callin' me?

Well I checked my caller ID

It was just cousin Larry

Callin' for the third time today

My wife said "Let it go to voicemail"

I said okay

Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right

So what d'ya want to do?

She said "why don't you whip up somethin in the kitchen?"

Yeah, I said why don't you?

And then she said "baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"

I says no

She says "yes"

I says no

She says "yes"

I says no

She says "yes

Oh, here's your keys"

I step a little bit closer

Say okay, where ya want to go?

She says "how about The Ivy?"

I said yeah, well I don't know

I don't feel like gettin all dressed up

And eatin' expensive food

She's says "Olive Garden?"

I say nah, I'm not in the mood

And Burrito King would make me gassy

There's no doubt

She says "Just forget about it"

I said no, I swear I'm gonna take you out!

Then I get an idea

I says I know what we'll do!

She says "What?"

I say, guess?

She says "What?"

I say we're goin' to the drive-thru!

So we head out the front door

Open the garage door

Then I open the car doors

And we get in those car doors

Put my key in the ignition

And then I turn it sideways

Then we fasten our seat belts

As we pull out the driveway

Then we drive to the drive-thru

Heading off to the drive-thru

We're approaching the drive-thru

Getting close to the drive-thru!

Almost there at the drive-thru

Now we're here at the drive thru

Here in line at the drive-thru

Did I mention the drive-thru?

YESSSS

YESSSSS

LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

[izzy-b-hands]

"Broke is such a...term," Stede chuckles nervously.

"You mean we're poor again?" the Swede asks softly.

"Oh love," Lucius pats his shoulder. "We were never rich; we just worked for a rich guy."

"Oh."

"I know."

Stede frowns. "You all did want a more traditional pirate employment experience, so this-"

"Sucks," Pete interjects. "I needed you to help fund Lucius' R-I-N-G!"

"Babe, I can spell," Lucius smiles. "A ring, hm? Of the kind that goes-"

"On your cock, yeah, that one, definitely," Pete stammers. "Not the finger one because I love you or whatever, but like. If you DID get one of those, and you had to put at least three stones on it, which-"

Lucius lovingly tackles him to the sand and peppers him with kisses.

"See, Pete came to terms with it and he's fine," Stede says. "Money isn't all there is to life."

"Yeah, but it does help to have it," Olu says. "And in bulk, if possible."

"I can never please you guys!"

Stede flops face first onto the hot sand. "Ow."

"Okay," Olu sighs. "You need a minute like that?"

"...yes."

"Okay. We're gonna look for ships to steal so we can start searching for Ed. Wanna come help once this is over?"

"I'm sorry, Olu."

Olu pats his back. "It's...yeah. Is what it is, Captain. You're okay."

"I have no money, my boyfriend tried to kill my scribe, no ship, and everyone hates me," Stede mumbles into the sand. "Pft. And now I have sand in my mouth! Life is endless miseries and little more!"

"...yeah, right, so when you're done, come join us. Or, see if Lucius and Pete want a third, if that would help you and they're interested."

"Maybe."

"Captain, seriously, this is so sad and not in an entirely sympathetic way-"

"I miss Ed."

Olu looks to the waiting crew, eye rolls waiting in the wings. "He'll be fine. This is fine."

"We're all gonna die," Roach nods.

"Not helping."

"Davy Jones will cradle us like a-"

"Buttons," Olu hisses. "Not helping!"

"Who said I was trying to be helpful? Was a bit of poetry ye might have appreciated, but never mind me."

"You think Ed and everyone else are doing better?" Stede sniffles.

--

"Broken," Ed nods. "I might have guessed, as we are listing entirely to the side."

Frenchie winces. "Yeah, that last battle...well. We all worked really hard, and that's good, but even so we're going to die, so..."

"Please get on the fucking dinghy already!" Izzy limps over and points to the dinghy full of Jim, Fang, Ivan, and as much of all their stuff as possible, waiting for them. "I am not dying here."

"Nah, the infection will do that later," Ed remarks. "You're right though; we should probably go."

"Probably?!"

"Oh my god," Ed sighs deeply. "Let's go before he makes a Thing out of this."

"The ship is almost sideways!" Fang calls from the boat. "We're already sort of in the water now here, so can we PLEASE-"

"Bitch, whine, kvetch, does anything else get done on this fucking ship?" Ed stomps off to the dinghy, leaving Frenchie to help Izzy limp along after him.

--

"I'd argue it's one of the finest," Stede says seriously. "Swede, give him a turn?"

The Swede obliges and shows off his ass, saying something Stede doesn't understand in Swedish but that sounds fairly sexy at least.

"Uh," the pirate coughs awkwardly. "No thanks."

"The prostitution thing didn't work before when you weren't even trying for it," Lucius sighs. "Why would you do it again?"

"Because we are, indeed, hawking fabulous booty of many kinds, and-"

"Your wife handled most of the financials, didn't she?" Lucius pats his shoulder. "Awww."

"I can handle money! And I know how to make it!"

"And I didn't get hard watching Pete try to roleplay as Izzy, sure."

"What now?"

Lucius shrugs. "He's grown on me. Pete just likes the idea of us wearing more leather, I think."

"We really should," Pete interjects in between posing for the passing crowds.

"Sure, I'll buy us some with my NO MONEY!" Stede shrieks. "I hate this."

"If you need money," a passing pirate pauses to say. "Spanish Jackie is running a sort of contest you folks might be interested in."

--

"Huh," Ed studies the flyer. "Stripping isn't anything Izzy's done in awhile-"

"Sorry, he's done this before?" Frenchie asks. "Not judging, just didn't expect it, Iz."

"I'll die up there," Izzy mutters. "Literally, at this rate."

His foot has been attended to by a doctor at the port, but he's understandably still feeling shit.

However, they need money and a ship, and at least having more of the former would help until they can steal the latter...

--

"Hi," Stede says awkwardly.

"Bonnet."

"You didn't buy anything special to wear for this?"

"Can't afford it at present. Judging by your outfit, you're in the same boat."

Stede snorts. "Is Ed..."

"Um. You do know Jackie's made him a last minute judge, yeah?"

"Oh no."

Izzy nods. "Yeah. I'd say may the best man win, but we're up against Jack."

"He's alive?!"

"Against all odds and as usual, yes."

"This day can't get worse."

"Also, Ed's expecting a theme for each performance, so-"

"Oh my god."

"Yeah."

--

"Uh," Ed steps onstage and gently pulls Stede and Izzy up from it. "Jackie, can I finish judging in a moment?"

"Everyone's still buying drinks and Jack wants to dance again," she replies. "Don't worry about it, just get them off my damn stage."

"So," he says as he drags them back to the assembly of chairs for both their crews. "Izzy I know is sick, that's his excuse for whatever the fuck that performance was-"

"Pardon me for tripping because I'm missing my fuckin' toe," Izzy grumbles.

"And Olu says you've been avoiding food to save money? Which I assume explains the passing out. What the fuck is all this?"

"Been asking myself that for the last twenty minutes," Jim interjects. "I. I've learned things about myself here. I don't know how to feel about it."

"Jack has that effect on most people," Es says. "I mean, I know it would be a bad idea to fuck him again. However, after that performance..."

His gaze softens and his eyes look somewhere beyond anything visible before he shakes his head. "Sorry, anyway. What the fuck are we doing about this mess?"

--

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jack screams from the dock, cock out and flopping as he runs. "Ed! Edward! Park my ship and get over here, now!"

"We're all in various stages of fucking each other over!" Ed calls. "You said it yourself!"

"I didn't mean like this!"

"You should have been more specific then!"

"I don't feel great about this," Stede admits. "But this is really good soup."

"It is," Izzy nods. "Almost makes a person tired. Maybe that's just the day."

"I laced it with morphine so they rest," Roach whispers to Olu. "Don't worry, I dosed it carefully."

Izzy and Stede slump forward, wooden bowls of soup spilling onto the deck.

"Carefully?"

"Carefully enough. Captain Ed has requested a serious conversation with each of them; I figured they could use as much sleep as possible before that."

"Odd question, but is there more of that soup available for the rest of us?"

Roach nods. "Roach's Sleepytime Soup is only made in large batches, specifically for situations like this."

"When your estranged captains sort of get back together but not really and everything is a fucking mess?"

Roach shrugs. "Also weddings. Because they're stressful, but you can't be stressed if you're sleeping."

"I love it; what's the recommended amount to sleep through until the three of them are done with all that talking Ed wants?"

"...just keep eating until you pass out or it feels right."

"Okay."

Which things aren't really. Okay, that is, but the soup is warm and fast-acting, and Ed seems happy enough as he directs the rest of the crew.

That's maybe as much as they can ask for, while broke and now living on a ship with a dedicated 'whippies' area of the deck (as labeled in paint by presumably Jack.)