#we're all just human beings who seek connection with others

[thatonebirdwrites]

Thoughts about fandoms and Writing

I suppose this will be a ramble of sorts. I wanted to talk about a sad thing I noticed but also a good thing I noticed about fandoms. This is a ramble, and I hope it all connects into a coherent whole by the end.

I'll start with the question I leave at the end. The question that my writing silently asks all readers:

"Here is a story of a human being that may be different from you, so will you join me at this campfire and hear their tale? To join them on this great journey of wonder, pain, joy, sorrow, and hope?"

One of the things that drew me to various fandoms, and my current one was a sense of connection. A sense of community, but I've also learned that despite this strength, there is an underlying undercurrent of who is allowed to exist in that community.

Part of writing fanfiction is because we want to see more of our beloved characters. To dig deeper into them, to fulfill this need for connection.

Because that's the crux of most things about us human beings, right? We are social beings that live best when we have connections with other human beings. None of us can live in a perfect isolation with no contact with anyone else ever (in fact studies show this is very, very, very bad for our health and can slowly kill us).

Yet, as a disabled person, I find myself stuck in this weird liminal space of seeking connection but sometimes finding instead reminders of how conditional my existence in the space truly is.

I notice that the stories willing to push the envelope a little, to explore what it'd be like if one of our beloved characters was disabled, often get far more harsh comments and far less support.

I've sat back and observed, and the more I interact with fandoms, the more I wonder if there is room for people like me.

I've seen some pushback in various fandoms -- even TLOK -- against people who want to explore our beloved characters in settings that allow for a more diverse intersection of identities. That tackle themes related to disability, gender identity, race, and so forth. To tackle more nuanced Leftist thought (that isn't displayed like a bad thing which TLOK sadly does at times).

This saddens me because that sort of pushback breaks the connection and community of fandoms in a way.

The whole reason I'm writing fanfiction is because I couldn't quite find the story I wanted to read. There's a lot of flaws in Legend of Korra, and I wanted to tackle the stories inherent in it from a different angle. To explore themes left unexplored. But also to show the shared moments Korra and Asami have. (They are legit my favorite couple of all time).

But I just don't feel very comfortable writing smut. I never have, so I'm already an outlier in the fanfiction writer community.

But I've realized of late that I also because an outlier with how I explore disability in my fanfiction.

Honestly Book 3 of TLOK sets the disability theme up, and although it does an excellent job with the PTSD arc, the way the temporary physical disability was handled during Korra's long healing left me quite frustrated because it utilized verbiage that's often used to demonize or deny disabled people support. No, it's not all in Korra's head (we find out later, that she really did still have poison in her, so Korra was right THE WHOLE TIME). No, it's not a mind over matter (this is the most unhelpful thing to say to a disabled person, seriously). No physical therapy can't cure all things. *sighs* I wanted more nuance there, and since it failed to deliver, I decided to write my own.

I also wanted to dig deep into Asami's story too because sadly enough TLOK doesn't give her the attention her and her trauma deserves.

So I have two separate series. One canon-compliant to explore the ramifications of that.

One an AU where Korra and Asami are romantically together by middle of Book 2, where they must navigate Book 3 and the trauma of that together. How do they do it? Can they do it? What sort of disability will they face and how will they deal with that?

I recognize what I write is not what most folks want from the fandom, and I feel like sometimes there is this unspoken undercurrent in the fandom to not really dig into the disability themes inherent in TLOK.

I think this is why commenters literally had a fight in the comments of my Shared Moments: Book 3. I had taken the disability theme in Book 3 (and 4) and made it highly visible. I had foreshadowed this quite thoroughly in all honesty.

I had made it clear from the start of the series that I promised to be realistic about trauma, about physical injuries, and about healing. Sure, I took some liberties in fight scenes to play up some interesting martial art moves that actually exist, but there's always ramifications and consequences.

I think in a way the fight that happened in my Book 3 (at the final confrontation with Zaheer's group) exemplifies the hidden current of ableism within the fandom.

Asami had barely escaped the lavabender and had a fourth-degree burn on the sole of her right foot. Those are when the burn destroys the nerves and can go as deep as the bone. They are quick to become infected if not treated right away, and in Asami's case, there was no way for it to be treated until after the airbenders are rescued. TLOK is set in a technological and medical period similar to 1940s, so the typical solution in that time period is amputation.

I'd carefully laid out details like crumbs for readers to find that heavily hints that this could be one of the possible outcomes.

Nothing about it was surprising.

And yet, two commenters were angry that one of the characters would end up permanently disabled. They utilized a harmful ableist trope, ignored the story up to that point, and demanded I alter the story because they deemed Asami's injury "unnecessary for the narration" and "too much."

Truth is, as much as I tried not to let it hurt me, it did.

Why? Because I'm disabled. I've had injuries due to circumstances where I didn't receive the healthcare I needed in time to prevent the injury and illness from worsening. I've been in Asami and Korra's shoes in a way.

Being told that a story that mirrored my own, that mirrored the lives of so many disabled people is "too much" and "unnecessary for narration" is a vivid reminder of how deep ableism has fallen into the psyche of our society.

Most folks wouldn't consider that ableist, and yet, if the same words were said about queer identities? If someone said that Korra and Asami being bisexual is "unnecessary for the narration" or "too much" there would be riots in the TLOK fandom. (In fact, I sometimes still witness some between Makorra shippers versus Korrasami shippers, where it doesn't seem to matter that Korrasami is canon to the Makorra folks, they get incensed and fall back on biphobic language. Only to be rightly called out for the harm of it.)

So why aren't we standing up for disabled people?

The Legend of Korra is a survivor story. It's a disability story. Complex-PTSD that Korra has is a disability. Acute-PTSD, which is likely what Asami has, is also a disability.

Disability is not bad. It is not evil. It's not too much.

Disability is beautiful. It should be normalized as just part of who a person is. We, disabled people, can do great things despite our disability.

And yet, those commenters couldn't see that.

All they could see was their beloved character would be permanently disabled. Their unconscious bias reared its head, and they lashed out in a way that hurt. (And also angered several other commenters who kindly called them out).

They were angry at being forced to confront the fact that their beloved character was now in the category of "disabled." It required them to relate -- to connect -- to a disabled person as a human being.

That's the moment of truth isn't it?

When someone is forced to relate to another person as a human being worthy of respect and dignity, that is when we discover the true character of a person I think.

Disabled people like myself are often treated like we are sub-human. Like we don't matter, like it'd be better if we ceased to exist. (I can give dozens of examples, but I think how the pandemic is currently being handled is a blatant look at how ableism is structured in our society and how much it harms all of us.)

Society saturates our media with messages of how disabled people are less than, sub-human, unworthy of life, unworthy of being allowd to even participate in society. Often the only way we are allowed to exist at all is if we are displayed as an "inspiration," something for which abled-bodied people to oogle and feel good about themselves for "helping" us "get over" or "cure" our disability, as if our disability is a problem to be solved rather than something that can be both painful but also beautiful. (I often try to see the beauty in my ADHD, my APD, my autoimmune illness. And yes, for LongCovid in particular, I may wish for a cure for my LongCovid, but I can also recognize the beauty within my illness - I see the world differently and that lens allows me to connect in new ways and to show more kindness and love in different ways. That too is beauty).

The harmful messages about disabled people are everywhere, and we often unconsciously absorb them.

I try to do my best to respond with kindness. To even try to educate when I can, but I also have to have a firm boundary because I'm a human being.

I don't have enough energy to tackle educating people about this AND doing what I need to survive.

And for me, writing is survival.

I think the reason it hurt to see ableism at play in the fandom was because I had been thinking maybe I might actually belong to a group for once. That maybe I would be treated as a human being, who has a talent for something.

But seeing the words "too much" and "unnecessary for narration" in the comments, brought out not only my insecurities, but a reminder of just how fucking hard it is to write diverse characters.

I've never written fanfiction before 2021.

I'm a science fiction (and sometimes fantasy) author, though at the moment it's only short stories that have been published.

Do you know how many times I've heard those harmful phrases said while I trying to get my original stories published?

Editors would tell me:

"Your character being nonbinary is unnecessary for the narration." Or "It's too much to have a nonbinary character. You should just choose a gender and we'll consider it."

OR

"Why is this character disabled? It seems unnecessary for the narration. Just eliminate them and rewrite it."

It didn't matter that the disability was crucial to the character and her understanding of the world and how she navigated it. (Or that she was literally the protagonist.)

It didn't matter that the nonbinary person's identity was crucial to their character, their understanding of the world, and how others related to them.

It didn't matter even if it was crucial to the plot.

All that mattered was that the editors were uncomfortable with characters that didn't match the ideal human they decided was the only allowed protagonist.

In a way, they were saying that people like me didn't deserve to have our stories told. To be recognized and seen as protagonists, as human beings to which readers could connect.

Is fandom any different?

Maybe there are readers who enjoy what I write, but sometimes I see so much of the content of fandom, and this intense demand for an ideal form of human, and I don't see myself.

I don't see myself and those like me being accepted as we are. Where we are worthy of connection too.

So I create that representation; I carefully weave a story so everything is set up, foreshadowed, makes sense in the characterization and narration, and I come face to face with the blatant ableism, blatant transphobia, and sometimes even blatant biphobia.

And it's a reminder that even while I try to find comfort and solace and a safe place to recover from my own illness and from the world at large...

... in the end, it's hard to feel like there will ever be acceptance. It's hard to feel like the fandom is willing to treat people like me as a human worthy of respect and dignity.

Because that's the thing, isn't it?

When people see me in my wheelchair, they don't see a person. They see a thing. A sub-human to be pitied. I get touched in ways that would never happen if I was abled-bodied. My wheelchair gets moved in ways that would never happen if I was abled-bodied (that wheelchair is an extension of my body and touching it without my consent is touching me without consent). I get sneers sometimes. I get people staring at me like I'm some carnival show.

It's tiresome. It's hurtful. It isolates.

To have a beloved character end up in a wheelchair, or end up with a prosthetic?

People are forced to face their own ableism. They are forced to see the ugliness they display toward me and those like me. Because now their beloved character is one of my people.

And the anger that is hurled at me for doing this is honestly ridiculous. Exhausting too.

People don't like being uncomfortable, but we cannot grow if we're not uncomfortable. We cannot become better than we were unless we confront the things that break our ability to connect.

i write because I want people to connect. I want people to understand ways of being that is unlike their own, and to come to understand that we are all human beings. We all are worthy and deserving of respect and dignity. We all deserve to be seen and accepted where we are.

Those are the stories I love the most. The ones that build up and not tear down.

And perhaps that is why I will never truly fit in. Because I refuse to sit down and make myself small enough to fit in. Because I prefer to dig into the reality of our differences and how those differences are actually our similarities and our biggest strengths.

It is our diversity that is our strength. It's also how we connect, how we find our similarities, because even in our beautiful galaxy of identities, we all have similar human needs and qualities that shine through.

We are all made of stardust. We are all social beings. We all strive for some level of connection, and although the layers of that may differ for each of us, that human need to connect cannot be truly erased or ignored.

I'll end where I began, with the great question my writings always silently ask readers:

"Here is a story of a human being that may be different from you, so will you join me at this campfire and hear their tale? To join them on this great journey of wonder, pain, joy, sorrow, and hope?"

And honestly, that's why I write.

[aroceu]

shame is the self killer shame is the authenticity killer shame hides the honesty of your art and the beauty of your own individual uniqueness and voice and thoughts. without embracing the parts of you that people might think are annoying or imperfect or cringe the road to self acceptance and inner peace and lasting happiness will continue to stay that much harder

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card: Finding the right career

Hello :p

Today's reading is a career guidance, where we're going to look at your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to your career, what motivates you and the potential for growth to see what career would suit you the most.

This reading is meant for people who are wondering about what path to take, or those wishing to make a change. We'll also look at how you'll be able to tell it's indeed the right choice.

As always this is a general reading that may not apply to everyone 100%.

Note that if you like my reading style, I offer private readings. You can learn more about that in my pinned post.

Pile 1

Cards: 5 of Cups, 6 of Swords, Justice, the Lovers, 2 of Cups, 3 of Pentacles, 9 of Swords, 5 of Swords, Knight of Swords, King of Wands, Knight of Wands, Ace of Swords, Knight of Cups, 6 of Wands

It seems you are not that driven by money, but rather, by a strong sense of righteousness. It seems you are well aware of the human pains and struggles. You know how fragile life can be, and you think it's important to do something meaningful, not only for you own sense of purpose, but also for the sake of others.

Really, where other would pursue careers for fame or money, for you it's just about following your truth and speak your mind and heart. There is a real quest for meaning and doing what's right and a relentless pursuit to leave what doesn't align with truth behind. Where other would just accept what's not fair as something that cannot be changed, you refuse to take that stance and strive for change.

However, I see that you have a hard time with social or collaborative jobs. You don't like mingling with people, a networking event is probably your own personal hell, and you'd rather work on your own without having to rely on anyone's opinion. Could be a problem in your line of work since it's showing up strongly in this reading. It's also possible that you tend to be very critical of those around you, because you see their flaws clearly, and it's stopping you from seeing the good in people.

You are motivated by the idea of building something worth marveling for. You want to create something that will inspire and educate those around you and have a long lasting impact on your community. You want to be seen as a reference, and even though you don't want to have other people put their nose in your work, you still want to contribute to humanity's knowledge with the results of your hard work. There is the idea of a common effort towards a greater goal.

However, for you it'll be important to develop some skills. The cards point at some inner work that have to do with putting yourself down, devaluing yourself by comparing yourself to others. It's a source of great despair for you and something you need to work on. People are not metrics, we are all different in one way or another and comparing yourself to others the way you're doing it is actually detrimental to the quality of your work, as well as your well-being. It's also possible that all the conflicts in the world affect your mental health a great deal, connected to what you witness in the world. It will be important to keep going and not burn yourself out.

There is a lot of raw potential for growth in the realm of ambition and leadership, which it seems you haven't fully embraced yet. You can be a figure of authority in your field, leading with your sharp mind and ambitious assertiveness. You have the potential to be a strong willed, determined professional that can't be stopped by anything and will tackle the most difficult project.

For these reasons, I think the career it's pointing at has to do with the realm of communicating ideas, perhaps writing, academia or journalism. You will be able to cut through lies and outdated ideas with your words, seeking to bring clear communication. There is again the idea of service made to others, led by your sense of purpose and thirst for truth. This career would put you in the public eye where you would be celebrated openly for your work and ideas. I see this pile as someone who investigates, either matters of the world, society, politics, economics or science. In all cases, it allows you to combine your cleverness, your empathy and ambitious nature.

Finally, you'll be able to tell it's the right path for you because it will ignite your passion. You won't be able to think of anything else but the task at hand, and what to do to achieve it. The greater the challenge, the more fiery your determination will be. It will definitely not be something you hesitate on and will feel like a calling.

Pile 2

Cards: the Emperor, Judgement, 2 of Pentacles, Page of Pentacles, 5 of Pentacles, the High Priestess, 9 of Swords, King of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, the Hierophant Rx, the Tower, the Hanged Man, 3 of Cups, 8 of Swords, Queen of Pentacles, 9 of Wands, 7 of Swords

Your qualities when it comes to this career are about being a reliable figure in the life of those you help. The helping aspect comes up strongly as it will show in this reading, and basically it already show in your strengths. It's like you help people come to life again in some way. You are strong when it comes to leading the way towards transformation, and have a strong impact on people. They can sense they can come to you for support and you give a vibe of wisdom and order.

However, it seems that you are also quite inexperienced and this is making you hesitate quite a lot. There is probably a strong learning curve when it comes to this career and you're not quite there yet. You may be lacking something, whether its the status or the resources, in order to fully embody your qualities. So it seems your situation right now is a weakness, and that it's not so much coming from you.

What drives you is, again, the desire to help those in need, those in pain who don't know where to get help from, when it seems there is no way out or hope left. You see their pain clearly and it somehow motivates you and gives you a sense of purpose in life. You might be religious or spiritual in some way and this feeds your motivation to help and care, like some type of mission.

When it comes to skills you can to develop here, there is a need to remain detached in the face of adversity to not let it submerge you, perhaps to let go of your own fatalistic vision of life. There is a lot of talk around you, and perhaps you listen to the words of others too much and it's making you confused and directionless. You must get your mind in order and be firmly set into your own stability, by being pragmatic and protective of your own well-being. Stop listening to everything everyone says and remain grounded in your own judgement.

So all that is telling me that your career has to do with helping the sick, be they mentally or physically impaired. You show up as a very nurturing figure, someone who wish to see people thrive and get back to health, and I see you surrounded by people with bandages, or people who are disabled in one way or another (again for some of you it could be mentally or physically). Your future career may be nurse, rehabilitation or support worker, or even doctor of some kind.

It seems that for some of you, this career will be embraced after you've been somewhat forced by life to take a different turn, something you hadn't anticipated and shows up as a surprise. For others, it could simply mean that you will be surrounded by catastrophic accidents and unforeseen circumstances, and I'm picturing an emergency room when I'm writing this. Like, you will be forced to grow because the chaos surrounding you will call for someone to do something, and you've got what it takes to do so.

You will know this is the right path for you after contemplating your decision for a long time. You'll mull over your choices and options, and even discuss it with loved ones in order to make sure its the right one for you because you don't take it lightly as it will come with some type of sacrifice for your time and energy. Basically you'll need to dedicate yourself fully to this and you know this. But overall, once you're decided, you'll be very happy of your choice and eager to enjoy the good sides that comes with the job.

Pile 3

Cards: 8 of Swords, 2 of Pentacles, 3 of Swords, 9 of Wands, King of Cups, the Fool, the Star, the Empress, 10 of Swords rx, 2 of Swords, Death, 5 of Wands, Page of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, the Magician, Judgement, 7 of Cups

When it comes to your strengths, you're someone who can fuel themselves with the shit that life throws at them, never fully loosing their balance. You know how to get yourself out of tricky situation where you're blinded, and you're able to transmute your pains and power through the difficulties, never giving up even when it seems all odds are against you. What makes other abandon just make you angrier and more determined to succeed. You are extremely resilient and this gives you an outlook on life that anything is possible. If something doesn't work you discard it and move on to the next thing.

However, it seems you are sometimes too eager to try something new without committing to one thing for a long time. You're a Jack of all trades and it's hard to get you stay in the same spot for long. It's like, you keep wanting to try to see if this path is better than this one, or if this thing would be more exciting than this other thing, and so on. You emotions also tend to shift easily and influence the way you see things, it's like, you feel things so intensely it's overwhelming and that's just the way you function and it's hard to live differently.

When it comes to what drives you, you get a great sens of purpose coming from beauty and aesthetics, or even arts. The path towards beauty and pleasure, is the highroad to heaven for you. You are truly an aesthete at heart, and want nothing more than to honor what you find sublime in the world, as for you it is the purpose and the meaning of life.

When it comes to what skill you can develop, you got two cards signifying blockage and defeat, which makes me think this has a lot to do with overcoming you own issues surrounding your creative expression, which stem from your mind. It's like, nothing is really getting in your way but your own thoughts. You have trouble releasing your perceived failure so you're stopping yourself from trying anything different, fearing it will only confirm your loss. Perhaps that's the reason you keep switching things all the time, because can you really fail if you never tried until the very end?

There is a deep potential for growth though, and it has to do with the way your compare yourself to either other people, or to your own ideal self. It's like, you've got this image in your mind of what you should achieve and you're tormenting yourself for not being able to achieve it. What you don't understand it's that it's counter productive and that you have to put an end to this way of thinking. You need to break the pattern in order to be free.

All of this makes me think that your job has to do with some type of artistic or creative career where you bring ideas into the world, pulling them from a space unique and special to you. The idea of transforming things, putting values into question, bending rules is also quite important, as well as is the idea of communication to a larger audience. I will also add that you might not box yourself into just one type of creative expression, but rather  dabble into many different things. It seems you are  not so much passionate about one medium but rather as I said earlier by the pursuit of beauty in all its form, so I totally see you trying out different things and it seems that you'll be good at most of them naturally.

You will know it's the right path for you because it'll allow you to have a vision. It's like, you'll find a tiny window with a tiny opportunity and it'll ignite you mind, making you think about all that's possible in every different direction, and the legacy you could leave. It's really all about triggering your long term motivation and what will make you want to dedicate your life, or long time anyway, to. As we saw earlier, you have commitment issues regarding your creative pursuits so this will have to do with sticking to it in the long term, even if that means doing multiple things in parallel or taking breaks and coming back to things.

[homocrafting]

turns out whatever instinct in me makes me want to make tma aus is unstoppable and all consuming. so here's qsmp tma au focused on the brazillians:

cellbit- he HAS to be the archivist ok this man is so eye aligned it's not even funny. HOWEVER because qcellbit and fcell are the same person, Events happened to him before he became the Archivist, ala from the archives grian. local paranormal enthusiast finds dead half eaten bodies, gets arrested for it (he SWEARS he didn't eat those people), goes to prison for 10 years, goes nuts (becomes F!Cell), kills himself in the island, wakes up in his room and Felps tells him "bro you disappeared for 10 days are you ok" and he's just like. What.

Worth mentioning that he fucking speedruns the archives. also known as the qsmp. Cucurucho, who is kind of like elias but a bit less (I inagine the Host would be elias, wjoever they are), thinks "wooo new archivist I wonder how long it'll take them to find out abt the horrors" and then cellbit shows up 3 days later running on 2 hours of sleep and 20 mugs of coffee with a consipracy board connecting a bunch of statements and theorizing about entities

ALSO the web is around him like all the time. if you pay attention there's at least 2 spiders near him at all times, usually hidden because he squishes them when he sees them. he's tangled in the web of lies that is the plot I'm making for this au and his ass is NOT beating it

Felps- Stranger type of guy who doesn't even know and takes like. a year to realise something's up with him. don't worry abt it ok I don't know why he's stranger-y to me either. it's the vibes just trust me

Mike- ok so. I am Very unsure for pac and mike, PLUS I've not seen herobrine a lenda, which means I don't know all their backstory, BUT I'm thinking Lonely for Mike, so far? he kind of distances himself from everyone after richas dies with him, so far is the only person I've not seen much gay happenings happen to, tends to disappear to fuckall nowhere apparently, as one does. also the fact that, back in prison, he seemed to have the most difficulty connecting with others.

also, the Desolation hates him personally. he doesn't know why. his house has burnt down thrice. he gets burnt by the littlest things for no reason. he's banned from the kitchen. an avatar of the desolation tried to kill him once. he watched his own son die in front of him. this is based on nothing from qsmp or anything I've seen Mike do I just think it's funny

Pac- I can only think of Vast and Spiral for him tee bee eich. Leaning heavily towards the Vast because, you know. gestures to the giant hide and seek maps, and also O RAIO, even though I have 0 context for that. he just... he explores the world and made giant hole (yeah yeah holes are the buried but consider: it's big.). it's his "I can show you the world" vibes. again dude just trust me

note abt tazercraft: both of them are very, very touched by the Spiral. reason? Chume Labs

Forever- I'm thinking either the Buried (mostly the digging aspect- he's destroyed a whole mountain and dug up and entire desert), or the Hunt (his intense hunt for Phil's love, the insane grinding that could be seen as hunting for resources, the werewolf hc my beloved). Leaning more towards the Hunt bc dogboyyyyy

The plot I have in mind is very different from the tma plot, but I'm not sure of everything yet, so for now you get this little bpnus :)

[CLICK]

[Cellbit]

We've been back from the Adoption Center for about a day now. Not a timely update, but things happened, and, well.

We found... we found a weird... creature. It- he? Acts human, although he can't talk. He communicates with us through a little notebook, and overall acts incredibly childish. He sure looks like a child. One with- with some material akin to... to egg shells as skin. He has hair, despite apparently being all... eggy. It's black and curly, covers his face. He doesn't like it when we try to move it away from there, but we're working on a safe way to see what's under there.

He seems not to know where he came from, but I know he's lying. It's- there's no way he doesn't, not with what he said, I don't care if Pac and Mike or, hell, Felps believes him, He called us fucking- he called us dads! That's the first fucking thing he said! It has to be some kind of trap, some kind of spy, I don't know yet but when I find out I'm going to fucking-

Shit. That wasn't too professional. Alright, where were we.

We brought him to the Institute. Forever and I weren't thrilled about the idea, but it was 3 against 2. I can't believe Felps would- I get Pac and Mike, there's something wrong with them I'm sure of it, but Felps? I underestimated his braincells. What am I talking about, he doesn't have any.

(Soft chuckle)

We, we named him Richarlyson, he seemed to like it. We asked his name first, but all he did was draw a- (Snort) a stick figure shrugging.

The only clothes he has are a singular oversized Brazil shirt. The moços and Felps want to go buy him clothes.

I don't know how they'll justify the kid having, I don't know, pure white hard skin, but they said not to worry about it, so I guess I won't! I won't. I fucking won't.

... I'm gonna follow them tomorrow. Just to be safe.

That's all for today, I'm gonna go- I'm going to check some statements, see if there's anything even remotely related to this.

This is Cellbit, Head Archivist of the QSMP, which I still don't known what stands for by the way, signing off.

[CLICK]

[infizero-draws]

oh hey, id love to here your labduo hcs

YAYYYY ok. i'll start off with the demon soulmate ones (not specific to them) since someone else asked to hear about that as well. this is very long sorry

SO. all demons are born with a special kind of semi-immortality (able to be killed but unable die from age) where their lives are connected to a mortal soulmate(s). soulmate in this context has no inherent romantic or sexual connotations; soulmates can be strictly platonic, romantic, sexual, or anything in between. they dont even necessarily have to spend their lives with each other, it's purely the bond and the connections between their lives.

soulmate bonds exist from the moment all parties are alive, but the demon doesn't get the instinct to seek them out until the age of 18. the demon will follow this instinct and once they meet their soulmate(s), their lives will be connected from there on.

if the demon decides not to seek them out for whatever reason, they'll still naturally be drawn to them. however, if by bad luck or purposeful avoidance they dont meet their soulmate(s) by age 50, then they'll just Die. for this reason most dont avoid their soulmates but there are some who choose this lonesome dangerous lifestyle; choosing a set-in-stone 50 year lifespan over one tied to a mortal's lifespan, which could end up being cut short.

if the demon has already met their soulmate(s) before the age of 18, then nothing really changes. they still don't KNOW they're soulmates until they turn 18, and then once they do the connected lives come into effect.

these mortal soulmates have historically been humans, which is what led to the horned human variant coming into existence a long LONGGG time ago. these are different from demon-human hybrids, as over the years they've become their own subspecies. the horned human variant is still considered fully human, just with horns and a tail. this is what c!tommy is, while c!eryn is an actual demon-human hybrid. here's this old chart i made to illustrate the differences:

demon-human hybrids don't have quite as good of a sense for locating their soulmate(s) as full demons; they'll still naturally be drawn to them but won't really be aware of it until the bond has been forged, unlike a full demon.

^ this is all obviously expanded upon from bad and skeppy's canonical soulmate bond btw.

ANYWAYS so that brings us to labduo. (i forgot they were called that btw. awesome) basically they're soulmates, but as per the way this all works, eryn doesnt realize this until they turn 18. and that's when he's like ummmm tommy. i think we're soulmates lol. and tommy is like wot. rlly? ok. and that basically is it LOL. tommy lives with tubbo and ranboo in the future to me, i dont think eryn and tommy would be attached at the hip soulmates. eryn would probably go off on his own adventures and come back every so often to catch up, rest at the benchtrio house, etc. rolewise they're like the distant uncle who randomly shows up from time to time LOL.

when it comes to other hcs for them ummm i dont actually have a lot. i think they figured out they were trans around the same time, like pre-puberty, and that was something that rlly brought them together. eryn tried to cut tommy's hair and it was a disaster. for anything more read this comic i made a while back

for me tommy was just this scrappy kid who showed up at the village stealing bread and shit, until he befriended eryn and was taken in by eryn's mom. ive never given tommy's actual origins much thought, as i dont think it rlly matters to me. the thing thats important is that he was an orphan from a young age. as much as i think the lab stuff can be cool i think i do just imagine him to have had normal parents and. Something happened where he did not have them anymore. young enough where he didnt have memories of them or anything. idk

OH and rq to explain this doodle in the context of all this. its basically just eryn saying that it's a good thing all of tommy's trauma and deaths happened BEFORE their soulmate bond existed or else it would've happened to eryn too lol

thats kind of it...... thank you for your interest...

[knightsofeclipse]

(Facebook ate this twice as I resized my window, I'm gonna cry)

Light spoilers for the ball, I reference the events but really don't get into them.

A little background, I have been obsessed with what we can ascertain from "non-canon" events. The character lore and insights that might be hiding there. (So we're all on the same page, I'm using "non-canon" here to refer to events and episodes that do not share continuity with the rest of the series. The Freaky Friday episodes share their own continuity).

The events of the ball put the last piece of the puzzle (or so I thought, we'll come back to that) together for me about the first "non-canon" episode. That would be "In an alternate universe" which was uploaded to Facebook on January 4th of this year (2024).

Just to be clear, I am not making assertions on whether this was planned and intentional or not. I just think it's really interesting that a lot of this, I was only able to pick up on in hindsight.

In the episode, we follow Charlotte in the staff room with Sorscha. They're talking about annual leave and Charlotte falls sleep. When she wakes up, she's in an alternate universe where everyone is out of character.

Or that's how it seems at first glance.

Sorscha is dismissive, telling Charlotte to "tell someone who cares". Autumn is overly complimentary and approval seeking. Marjorie is hungover and moody, shouting about hating kids. And Carly is a bully.

Initially, I had read this episode as what it appears to be; a flip of everyone's personality. Just for fun with no real impact on anything.

Now, in hindsight, what it looks like (to me anyway) is Charlotte realizing these things about her friends that don't necessarily line up with how she views them and her looking, mentally, for a way to rationalize what she's being forced to acknowledge:

Autumn is lonely. She's desperate for approval from the people around her. She's just distanced herself from her father as she starts a relationship with Winter, essentially losing the approval of the last person she had felt close to while still being new to feeling close to someone outside her family. She's intense about it. I'd even go so far as to say, in this alternate universe, she becomes a parody of herself as she tries to gain Charlotte's approval.

Marjorie is short tempered. She makes bad choices. She's human. But she also tends to make those bad choices, and the resulting consequences, everyone else's problem. Listen well because you won't hear this from me again: Janice was right to call Marjorie out on this. Marjorie is not a very self-aware person and before Janice laid it out for her, she probably had no idea this was something she does.

And Carly. Carly is selfish. The events of the ball showed us her true colours and that she's only ever been out for herself. She makes her choices based on what will be the most entertaining for her with little regard for anyone else involved. And she rarely gets called out for this because most of the time she isn't hurting anyone with it.

Now, if we can go back to my "or so I thought" from before. Sorscha. I had forgotten her involvement in this episode. And going back to rewatch, she kinda threw this whole thing off. She is who I've been simmering on since the ball. We don't see a whole lot of her other self. But she's there. And we're reminded she's there at the beginning and end of the episode. And when Charlotte wakes from the dream, she's concerned that Sorscha "doesn't care".

Now, if I weren't so invested in this, I would probably count this as disproving everything I've just said. But then I remembered something Winter said recently (What in GODS name does that mean.. uploaded on September 2nd 2024). Sorscha was envious at how Charlotte has been talking more about her relationship with Mia, who she only started dating this year, than Sorscha has been able to talk about Clodagh, who she's been married to for ages. This connection turns what Sorscha said when Charlotte woke in the alternate universe, "tell someone who cares", around into Sorscha's own insecurities that no one wants to hear what she has to say if they also have something to say on it. She feels talked over. Which, like, same. Me too, queen.

Looking at everything we've learned about these characters from that point to the present, they were never out of character. It was an exaggeration of their worst traits. Really, their core characters. The flaws that plague them.

And if that was intentional, fantastic. Amazing. 10/10. I'm speechless. I love a long-haul payoff. And if it wasn't, that's so cool that things turned out that way!

I understand I am probably way overthinking this. Not everything needs to be this deep. But, just because it doesn't have to be, doesn't mean it's not incredibly cool that it turned out to be anyway.

I probably won't do an analysis like this for the Freaky Friday episodes. This episode just always felt kinda out of place and like it was trying to be something, I just could never figure out what that something was. Now that I feel like I've connected the dots, I'm satisfied.

[raayllum]

Regarding working on the video about arc 2, do you think people are upset with how ''slow'' the show is, some other plots being boring( their words, not mine) or that humans are the oppressed and that the Aaravos is the good guy somehow?

Most under a read more cause this got a lil long

I do think some of the arc 2 backlash is the perception that things are slower, and I would agree that for some characters S4 and S5 are paced slower (Claudia in S5 for example) than they have been since S1, I just disagree that it's a problem because character expansion is worthwhile and there are always new sides we're seeing or understanding to everyone throughout arc 2. I also think sometimes people conflate character development with "this character is doing things I want to see". For example, Soren at the beginning of S6 is more or less the same person he is at the end of S6, but his arc in S6 is widely praised. Because even though it isn't about change, there is a lot of emotional intensity, and that's fun to see. TDP has never been a show where emotional intensity is true for everyone all the time, though, and it's not as though Soren doesn't get those moments in previous seasons (S4 in particular has some pretty rough patches for him, emotionally)

so... Idk. S4 rips my heart out multiple every time I watch it, so the idea of it being less emotionally intense (even if S5 and S6 are undeniably more) in a bad way doesn't hold water for me, personally, but that's also just my own experience (which is, of course, all I can really draw on).

The main plot arc labelled as boring in Arc 2 is the Sunfire elf plotline. I like politics and worldbuilding and Janai as a character. I don't need it to be constantly connected to the main plot line because Viren's entire plotline as a character from 1x06 onwards (and even the bulk of 1x04 and 1x05) has no bearing on any of the entire main cast again until 3x03 (for Soren and Claudia)... so, two whole seasons? But that's Okay and Not Boring, presumably, because audiences were willing to accept a white man being a semi-protagonist / bc it was established early on, and when things shift to include other main characters - especially a Black, queer led plotline - that gets people's internal hackles raised, I suppose. There's very little criticism of the Sunfire elf plotline in S4 that doesn't feel like it's coming from a racist or queerphobic place, whether from disregarding Janaya's allegory and navigating religious differences (which you don't really have to do when you're Christian/raised atheist in a culturally Christian/agnostic culture), or even just hating Karim (who is a lot more like Viren) because he's an emotional Black man experiencing cultural grief (which the majority of a white Western audience cannot relate to, but Viren's entirely individual desire for power - esp taking power away from a Black family, is seen as far more sympathetic, for some reason).

As for "the humans are oppressed and Aaravos is the good guy" that's been a complaint throughout the show and isn't exclusive to arc 2, and it's one I've always thought was silly. By virtue of showing elves and humans working together as a good thing (all of season 1 onwards) the show implicitly condemns the expulsion of the humans and division of the continent until they finally do so in words from Ezran as a mouthpiece (6x07). It's not even so much debate over whether humans are oppressed (the system was unfair, but largely we see Xadia leaving them entirely alone after the expulsion, which again, was never justified in text in the first place) as it is a statement where even if you are oppressed or scared (and this goes for the elves too, and that half of them had to mutually leave their homes, which has been Completely unaddressed by the narrative outside of inklings at the Moon Nexus) that doesn't mean your ends justify your means. Given the state of global affairs, I don't think I have to explain why a traditionally oppressed people seeking to reclaim their perceived 'homeland' after centuries away by any means necessary, even if that means destroying the lives of everyone who's currently living there, makes "we're oppressed so it's okay" the ironclad argument people seem to think it is, and why challenging that view is routinely a worthwhile thing to do (it's also why conservative far right people love to have a persecution complex, too).

That said: none of this is stuff I plan to focus on the "in defense of arc 2" video. The goal of that video isn't going to be "you shouldn't have a problem with arc 2," because people are entitled to their feelings and trying to change them rarely works. The goal of the video is to talk about why I think choices were made, how the seasons fit with each other and arc 1, and why I think the choices the show made were the most effective for the Story the creators want to tell with respect to time constraints, etc. That's it and that's all.

[not-the-citadel-official]

okay, so, we're trying out a new format with this one. instead of screenshots, i'm going to copy paste the messages, for ease of reading.

this one is pretty important to the ongoing plots of @msc137, @presidentpawn, and @primessrick, so i really would recommend reading it! i'm sure a fair amount of this is going to show up later, here on tumblr.

#group-chat

Skittle: said this in #group-chat-2, but i dont think ryan saw it,

there are some people that really muddle the clarity of the whole "anti primess" movement

Primess: Yes thank you for your input Not-Grandson. Don't you have a bar to drink through?

Skittle: yeah im really slacking off on my duties.

Primess: As long as you are aware.

Whatever Effie sees in your pathetic presence we shall never know.

Skittle: i dont know either tbh

Primess: And you still always seek new ways to disappoint her?

Skittle: seems like it. its just a matter of time at this point really

Pawn (in response to Primess): Do you ever shut up? Do you truly lack the capability to acknowledge when nobody wants to hear from you? Are you so desperate for attention that you bring back everything you've already done in order to live out your former "glory" ?

Pawn: You're disgusting. If the only low hanging fruit you can find is scraps from past encounters, you have long since deserved to starve.

Skittle: oh. woah.

Primess: Careful, little Pawn. Your amusement will run its course, and unlike little 'Skittle', who we still find entertaining and will continue surviving our tender mercies. You will find out how unfortunate our games can be to those toys we wish to throw away.

Pawn: I don't play for your amusement. I don't fear you, nor have I been given a true reason to. You are nothing but a parasite, you leech off whatever you can get your hands on and pretend you're the monster. You may be powerful, but that doesn't make up for your weakness in every other place.

Pawn: What you do is none of my business, but it's becoming sad to watch. You're desperate for pieces of past experiments, and they are long past finished. Pretend to be important as long as it makes you feel better, but know your act is transparent.

Skittle: im. i. i think i need a minute. ill be right back.

Primess: ... It is truly quite an accomplishment to render us speechless... But how else are we meant to react when we see a fool attempt to fistfight the Sun. Your pathetic attempts to psychoanalyse us fail as you try to attribute what we do to human natures, little mortal you can not even begin to understand our mind; thinking so otherwise makes you even more adorably naive than every other Morty we see.

Primess: But please. If it makes your pathetic life have some meaning, leap into the maw, try and flail. It only serves to remind us how weak and lowly you truly are.

Pawn: You'll have that connection to humanity forever, whether you like it or not. You may be inhuman, but you started as a Rick, and that will forever your baseline. When stripped of what makes you 'special', you go back to being somebody who can only thrive off of seeing somebody do worse than you. I would say it's sad to watch if anybody cared enough to do so.

Pawn: You're not above as much as you think you are, and the day it happens, I hope to watch you fall much like Icarus. You are beyond your depth, in every way.

Primess: For a moment she watches Pawn in silence. Until a cruel laugh erupts from her throat.

How utterly adorable you are—adorable and insignificant. Be grateful for it. It is the only thing keeping that loveless little fluttery thing in your chest, actually in your chest. For now atleast.

As for your hopes, by all means, pray to non-existent gods and hope to the universe that abandoned you long ago for all you wish. But the way we see it, your dreams are as pointless as you are.

Pawn: My heart keeps beating because I make it so. If you had any say over that, I would bother to watch my tongue around you. I don't respect you, nor do I fear you. Your opinion of me matters less than it does any man I'd see on the side of the road, you're no more than a vulture to me.

Pawn: You aren't to be feared, and you do nothing but act as a fool when you pretend to be as much. You are vermin, the dirt on the cosmic heel.

#mortys-1

Skittle: um, hey. pawn, uh. thanks.

Pawn: Don't thank me.

Pawn: It's not necessary.

Skittle: ...

Skittle: i think it is

Pawn: It's really not.

Pawn: If it... helps, you're welcome.

Skittle: :)

Skittle: i mean. it is necessary. im sure you know how shitty ive been feeling lately. it was, well, it felt really nice for someone to say something to her when she started to dig into me.

Pawn: It's not just you. She needs to be taught what her place is.

Skittle: i know

Pawn: What she pretends to be is far from where she actually stands, and she looks foolish picking on an already ill teenager.

Skittle: still

Pawn: I don't need to be thanked. Others should be standing up when you can't more often.

#group-chat

Primess: Her eyes blaze Oh, poor little toy. Perhaps we were too lenient. Your heart did beat because we allowed you to have it so... Such a pity it won't do so again. At her final word Pawn's heart stops, the agony in his chest is instant.

By our count, you have 20 seconds to beg for your life.

Skittle: shitshitshit pawn it isnt worth it please apologize to her

Primess: By all means little fool die upon the floor then. Perhaps others will learn to hold their tongue

Primess (in reply to Skittle): Once again you get other people hurt Not-Grandson

Skittle: please please dont kill him

Skittle: please

Primess: Tsk tsk. We thought you said so long ago you wouldn't do any deals with us again

Primess: Either we get a deal, an apology or a corpse

Skittle: im fucking weak, okay? im not gonna let you kill him. what do you want from me?

Primess: Another favour, another game when we choose. Don't worry it won't be the same as last time.

Pawn: The pain that flooded his system instantly made Pawn clutch his chest, eye squeezing shut. He tried to wave off Morty, biting down on his lip to prevent crying out in pain, near keeling over. 20 seconds was up too quickly, the boy collapsing on the ground.

Skittle: and no one gets physically hurt?

Skittle: fuck

Skittle: deal

Skittle: i cant make demands right now just please dont kill him

Primess: Do you really think you deserve that kindness this time?

Skittle: fine whatever just please

Primess: Good choice. At the snap of her fingers Pawn's heart starts beating again... not a moment too soon

Pawn: When brought back, Pawn's body twitched, heavy gasping and coughing bringing him back to awareness. For a moment, he sat still on the floor, eye widened as he stared down at himself on the floor. Without speaking, he stood and used his gun to send himself somewhere else. Anywhere but there.

Primess: ... Skittle

Skittle: ...hi.

Primess: He does that ever again, we will rip his heart out of his chest and feed the bloodied mess to him. Make sure he knows it.

Skittle: okay

#mortys-1

Skittle: god fucking damn it

Skittle: no one ever give a shit about me again. please

Skittle (linking to #group-chat-1): this is what happens when you do

Skittle: fuck

Skittle: fuck

False Morty: im pretty sure that happened because it was a long time coming

False Morty: shouldve let him die

Skittle: he went out of his way to defend me to her and she almost fucking killed him.

Skittle: fuck you

False Morty: im just saying! this is not the first fight hes caused

Skittle: but its the first fight hes caused on my behalf

False Morty: the guy practically looks for a fight whenever he can get it

Skittle: and this is the fight that almost killed him

Skittle: the one where he was defending me

#group-chat-1

Adult!Showrunner Morty: * walks in holding a smoke wearing a cover all, looks at this shit * ...oh * leaves *

-----

what an eventful morning! let me know what you think of the format!

kisses, @thoughts-and-gayers!

[bionicle-ramblings]

MORE BIONICLE SCP AU!!!

This time we're focusing on the agents and the Metru SCPs, plus Takua

Huge thanks once again to @chancetimespace for the ideas in this AU, many of which being mentioned in this post. I will be referring to them as Chance going forward

Right off the bat, the Mata are in charge of their respective Metru, which means Gali is usually looking after Nokama, Onua is with Whenua, et cetera

An idea from Chance, Nuju and Kopaka often spend hours in silence, though Kopaka doesn't push for Nuju to say anything if he doesn't want to. He will also just let Nuju vent his frustrations about living in the foundation, even saying what he's doing isn't even living. Just sitting around and waiting for the next time he gets experimented on. The two are close personally, but Nuju has yet to fully embrace and explain why to Kopaka

Gali lets Nokama leave her room and will challenge her to swim races in a lake near the facility, something Nokama often prefers to the large tub she has in her cell. Gali is a former linguistic, so she can keep up pretty well with Nokama. She does talk to the other SCPs, including Vakama, who she has helped keep emotionally stable

Lewa is in charge of looking after Matau. He's mainly just keeping an eye on Matau and making sure Matau stays where he's supposed to. As Matau is a non-human anomaly, Lewa keeps him entertained by challenging him to hide and seek and monitored walks through nature preserves. He's also tasked with seeing how Matau's shapeshiting works and what his limits are, if he has any

Tahu is in charge of keeping an eye on Vakama and bends the rules of protocol by calling Vakama by his name and occasionally slipping him things like gum or something. He also reminds Vakama that he can make requests after sessions(especially after particularly challenging ones), and is more just trying to give Vakama some autonomy without getting either of them in trouble

Pohatu and Onewa have a similar "relationship" to Kopaka and Nuju, but only in that Pohatu lets Onewa vent as he excerises; only having two pieces of scenery(his room and the rec area he's allowed to go to) does get to someone sometimes

Takua/Takanuva is "shared" between the Mata because he's new, and he's close with Jaller who is an "intern."

Idea from Chance, Hahli is another SCP, being an aquatic SCP that Jaller monitors to make sure she's alive and doing well. The two end up getting close over time

Roodaka is another SCP, though she is one that is allowed free-roam and gets privileges thanks to her "connection" to a scientist working in the facility. The scientist himself is Sidorak, who's often testing the Metru, though he is particularly unterested in Vakama, due to his resilience and how he can see the future, to some degree(Idea from Chance, I believe)

The Metru are allowed to spend time together, but they're monitored by Lhikan and Naho. The Metru do somewhat get along, but Matau is fully of energy at finally meeting people who don't wear white coats, Whenua comes off as being too comfortable in the facility, Nokama's just trying to keep the piece, and Onewa wants out, but has his "muzzle" on, so no dice. They're genuinely curious when it comes to an SCP the Mata keep bringing up and soon make requests to meet him. Matau makes the decision to try seeing him when he hears the number the SCP is and follows as a fly, catching a good-ish look at him before he's caught. When the others ask for details, he admits to only seeing the SCP either faint or hide

When the Metru do all meet, it's awkward. The five were expecting to see someone or something like an eldritch horror, but instead it's just a kid. Introductions are shaky, especially as they learn why/how Vakama ended up in the facility

An idea from Chance: Takua/Takanuva has gotten in trouble by playing dead and scaring scientists, but isn't afraid to do it again

[wraith-caller]

Elden Ring and the 5 Stages of Grief

The story around Those Who Live in Death is often characterized as being about prejudice. They didn't choose to be what they are, the game paints the Hunters of the Dead as blindly seeking an enemy to contend with, Rogier says they are in need of saving, and Fia seeks to "stay their persecution". Alongside the omens, the misbegottens, and the albinaurics, TWLID are just another rung on the Golden Order's "not fit for life" ladder of being. But there is another lens we could view this story through, and I don't see it brought up very often. I'd like to suggest that this is a story about death and the very human reactions to it, manifest in the behavior and actions of the characters integral to the Duskborn questline.

🚨🚨SPOILERS AHEAD🚨🚨

Darian - Denial

"Those Who Live in Death fall outside the principles of the Golden Order. Their mere existence sullies the guidance of gold. Tainting its truth. And so it is the vermin must be exterminated... Down to the very last."

Darian is presented to us as someone staunch and unflinching in his beliefs, to the exclusion of all other perspectives. The Order has told him that the dead are vermin, and that's all he needs to know. But it's not just their word he's taken. He's witnessed the bloodshed and pain that the living dead inflict on others, and he laments it. We meet him beside a dead man, killed by TWLID, and he tries to keep us from running headlong into the same fate by warning us away from the Mariner. Darian has only seen the cruelty and the violence of death, has been mired in it as a hunter, and relentlessly pursues an end to it. He is denial, resistant not just to death but to change.

Devin - Anger

"Soon you will know, filthy witch! The wrath of D!"

This one's probably simplest to argue. Devin's singular scene in game is all about gaining vengeance for Darian, and he makes repeated use of the word "wrath". Death has forced its way into his life, first in the face of Godwyn that drives him mad, and again when his brother, the other half of his soul, is murdered. When we meet Darian, his sword is planted in the earth and he is praying for the dead. When we last see Devin, his sword is raised high and covered in blood as he curses Fia's mutilated corpse in anger.

Godwyn - Bargaining

"O brother, lord brother, please die a true death."

Like Miquella, Godwyn is more of a presence that hangs over the events of the game rather than much of an active element within it. It's hard to dredge up much about his character to make this link. But there are some pieces connected to him, such as the quote here from the Golden Epitaph, a weapon made in his honor, which come from a place of bargaining. There is Miquella's desire to bring him a true death, the mourning of the Crone in the Deeproots("he should have died a true death!"), and the desperation of Fortissax to forestall Godwyn's death. Godwyn himself may almost seem to be begging us for relief, his deathroots erupting from underground as cries for help, spreading his face on the backs of crabs and the castle of his descendants so that someone may see him and take notice of his agony, and possibly deliver him from it. While the bargaining stage is generally geared in the opposite direction, begging for life, Godwyn and those few who know of his fate, may know it is too late for that, and so they beg for a true death instead.

Rogier - Depression

"This is unfortunate...Couldn't change a thing."

While Rogier is a character described as concealing his anger, regret, grief, and fear, his aloof bearing is most reminiscent of someone a bit more numb than anything else. Yes he is friendly and polite, but we're told by the game that this is a mask, and it's something not entirely uncommon in high functioning individuals afflicted with depression. He's someone that has lost everything else - the higher purpose a tarnished may find in the sight of grace, his friendships, whatever past he left behind before either dying or being exiled to TLB, even his life. He gives us, a near perfect stranger, his belongings, easily admitting he has no further use for it, reminiscent of the way a dying/suicidal person might start wrapping up the loose ends of their life. All he has left is his research, which, without our help, he'd have lost the ability to continue. Rogier clings to this final thread, hopes of seeing it through to the end, but his parting words to us are about a void he feels himself falling into, something deep and fathomless, and in the end that void consumes him.

Fia - Acceptance

This is goodbye, my dear. But I am satisfied.

Fia's quest revolves around not just the acceptance of TWLID, but uplifting them, mothering them, weathering the blows an unkind world would rain on them. Death is not an idle interest or a vague abstraction to her, but her profession, her purpose. Where Darian looks at what the dead have done and sees violence and blood, Fia sees the meek in need of a merciful mother. Death is not something to be reviled, but embraced. She even goes to her own end with grace and poise, knowing that the creation of the rune will kill her. She is content with her place at Godwyn's side, and readily accepts her end.

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

Everlark (The Hunger Games, Ch. 2)

I've decided to track the development of Katniss and Peeta's love story as I reread the Hunger Games trilogy. There's already so much great discussion on tumblr so I'm gonna throw my two cents in on one of the greatest love stories ever written. It's probably going to be nonsensical and not laid out properly as I'm tracking Katniss's own thoughts (that are definitely not straightforward!) - but I just want to capture my thoughts.

It's amazing how their story doesn't even begin in Chapter 2, but years before, when they were just 11.

So on the day of the reaping, after she herself has volunteered for Prim, Katniss says she doesn't even have time to wish for Gale's safety before she hears Peeta Mellark being called and she finds herself stressed. She thinks "oh no, not him" straight away. And of course we find out why: he's the boy with the bread. The boy who saved her at her worst time.

We all know the story so I'm not going to recount it here and I know many people have talked about just how kind and revolutionary Peeta's act of burning the bread and throwing it to Katniss was. What I'm focused on is the clear building of Everlark as the key romance and central relationship that drives the whole trilogy.

Before Katniss even sees Peeta, when she's stopped outside the bakery, she's mesmerised by the heat and the "luscious scent" coming from the bakery. Big focus on the heat because throughout the trilogy we're about to see how heat/warmth is about to play a part in who Peeta is and what it means to Katniss. The bread is burning as she clutches it to her and runs home, it's still warm when she reaches home. Katniss can't explain his actions, she's confused by why he would've done this. She's preoccupied with this lovely boy from then on, he bore visible signs of his mother's beatings as the result of his kindness.

Katniss didn't know Peeta's name then but by the time the reaping comes around, we know she knows his full name and that he has two brothers older than him. She knows who he hangs out with. Later on in the book, we'll find out that she's been keeping more tabs on him and knows more about him but I believe his act of kindness completely captured Katniss's attention. She developed a curious affection for this boy who suffered a beating just to help her. Through her narration we see that there's multiple times where she's looking out for him and where she catches him looking at her and it honestly makes me want to weep. "More than once, I have turned in the school hallway and caught his eyes trained on me, only to quickly flit away" (THG, 39). Key thing to note here is that Katniss has also been looking "more than once." She seeks him out, find out information about him like his name and who his brothers are. Neither of them has the courage to speak to the other but there seems to be a tether between them forged by the bread.

Of course, as a result of looking away from Peeta (after she's been caught staring at him). her eyes fall on the dandelion. The dandelion that gives her hope, that reminds her of her skills in hunting and foraging for food that her father taught her (we'll see Katniss connect Peeta to her dad many times throughout the trilogy too). "To this day, I can never shake the connection between this boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope, and the dandelion that reminded me I was not doomed" (THG, 39). I think Collins set up who the central love story of Katniss was going to be right from this second chapter, and it's very powerful because it's put into the framework of the other key themes in the book: survival, kindness, humanity. From his single act, Peeta becomes to mean so much more to Katniss and to us as readers of the books and critics of the Hunger Games.

Back to the reaping and when Katniss and Peeta shake hands up on stage, Katniss remarks that Peeta's hands are "as solid and warm as those loaves of bread" (THG, 39). Again, notice the solidity and warmth she connects to Peeta.

It's weird to me that people consider that Katniss didn't love Peeta, only stayed with him due to shared trauma, didn't really care for him etc. because it's clear from chapter two that Collins is masterfully setting up an epic love story. From chapter two she's laid the groundwork for their relationship and these same themes and tokens in this chapter are going to be found again and again through the trilogy.

A side note: Katniss's mother after the death of her husband goes into a state of darkness and sadness that Katniss can't understand, as she outlines in chapter 1. However, we'll see how she similarly falls into that dark sadness in Mockingjay when Peeta is captured and tortured by the Capitol.

A petty note: for all the people who deny the importance of Everlark as the main love story still (for some reason) or hang on to the whole 'Gale was there first and therefore is more important' line of thinking, Can I just say: Katniss and Peeta's connection predates Katniss and Gale's. The only reason Katniss even ends up knowing Gale is because of Peeta. Peeta and the dandelion reminded Katniss she can hunt and that's how she ends up in the woods meeting Gale. Gale wouldn't even be in Katniss's life if it wasn't for Peeta. So y'know, just another lovely thing Peeta gave Katniss.

[imthepunchlord]

So the Wu Xing is:

Wood - Butterfly

Fire - Ladybug

Earth - Bee

Metal - Cat

Water - Peacock

That's what I'm thinking. I think that'll work best in how they work and who can match with what. And it can also work off kwami personalities. Ish. Pollen and Duusu are the only real issues, but otherwise everything works well.

Working off the canon power (and not any more as we're not there yet poll wise), Butterfly echoes Wood as it's rooted but expansive, a social butterfly that branches out and extends to others. Wood as an element seeks to nurture and support, and it's an element that has promise for leadership, all of which can apply to the Butterfly's power of granting others a means of empowerment and being a distant leader offering direction. Wood negatively also has issues with anger, which canon wise is the biggest source of emotions that creates supervillains.

And as Wood is yang (extroverted, energetic, direct, ect.), Nooroo can act as a yin counter to the typical Wood personality. Someone who is calm and reasonable in the face of the more emotionally volatile Wood personality, and is more likely to be heard and worked with as Wood thrives off connections and seeks their own self growth. And the bit we see with Nooroo is that he is eager to engage and eager to help humans grow (until he found out Gabriel wants to be a villain).

Ladybug with Fire, first and foremost actually works off color very well, as Fire's color is red. Fire is an element strong associated with love, often romantic, but can also extend to self-love and love for others, and one of Ladybug's biggest symbols is love. Working off other cultures too, Fire is tied to cleansing, burn away the impurities, and Ladybug is THE cleanser. Fire is also known to be the most creative of the 5 elements, which can work off Ladybug being Creation, and much like Wood, Fire is an element that has promise for leadership, often aims for the position, and is very charismatic, literally wants to light up people's lives. And Ladybug users, especially backed by Tikki, seem to be the preferred leaders and encouraged to solve everyone's problems.

And as Fire is a yang element, Tikki acts as the yin counter. She's very direct, involved, and forward, but she's also a lot more focused and knows what to prioritize (or what she prefers to prioritize), as Fire can be distracted and chaotic, she can help give direction to the fiery personality. Fire, while a sociable element and is charismatic and likes to be the center of attention, it can be too intense, burn too hot, and just as quickly as it draws people in, can send them away. This can work off Tikki getting involved in her human's social life, desiring to give advise on how to work off people, and desiring to improve leadership skills. And as Fire does have a risk of being very selfish and overbearing and hotheaded, it makes sense for Tikki to take this stance to encourage her humans to be benevolent, helpful, patient, and considerate. Fire also can have really bad burn outs and that can work off Tikki's habit to be encouraging and affectionate, it's her means to try and reignite that flame.

Bee matching with Earth largely comes down to color, as Earth's color is yellow, and it works more off how bees function and their symbolism. Earth is the neutral between yin and yang, it's balanced and even, making it an element of diplomacy, compromise, and harmony. Earth thrives for functionality, for things to work as expected. Earth is helpful, wants everyone happy, seeks to provide support and a foundation. While adaptable, the element does drag it's feet and doesn't like to be rush, can be stubborn, and expect integrity and honesty. And I see this echo bees in how they work, this element embraces teamwork and community and order and bees thrive off all playing their part, working as a team, and everyone shouldering their share of the weight. Bees are also big symbols of communication which works off Earth's diplomacy. And while bees are known to sting, it's a last resort for them, they'd rather not if they can, which can also work off Earth as not being a very aggressive element. Bees like Earth also have a system of functionality figured out but are open to adapt and change as needed and make compromises. Like, bees are willingly working with people, they're actually the only animal that will unionize if they're with a bad bee keeper.

Pollen (and her power) does throw a wrench in things as they went for an eager servant personality for her and an aggressive power, which was more done to work off Chloe than actually work off what the bee kwami should've been and what the power should've been. By how I have things going, Pollen ideally should be neutral and flexible, and aim to help a human find their role and help them thrive in it, help them learn to be more of a team player, help them become a leader, help them learn to assist others, or find some means of order if they're life is chaotic. For an actual personality, we'll go with sassy but social-able, open minded, sweet as honey but don't push her buttons (which, really, if Pollen truly reflected actual worker bees, things with Chloe would've gone differently as worker bees terminate bad queen bees).

Cat can work off Metal as this is an element that's tied to their definition of structure and order. Metal is an element of perfection, they have an idea of how things should be and how things should go, and get irritated when things don't go as expected. It works off cats having an idea of how things should go for them and have fits when things don't. This element is also known to be emotionally distant, standoffish, and cold, which can work off cats being aloof and independent, and works off the concept of Destruction which is a power that most people are leery of. Metal is also known to be analytical and brilliant, which would be a requirement to use Cataclysm, and does have potential to be leaders and see to it that things get done (though they may struggle to connect with their team). Metal's biggest negativity is grief, which can tie back to Destruction and the finality of it.

Plagg can nicely act as the yang to the yin element. He's easy going, flexible, and lazy as a counter to Metal personalities who like things to go as planned, see things are finished efficiently, and enjoy being busy and delving into their interests. Intentionally or otherwise, Plagg does keep his holders on their toes and throws wrenches in their daily lives, helping them break up that established order and learn to live with some chaos in their life, learn to adapt and work with it. Plagg also reflects the Metal personality in that, when Metal comes to love another, they love deeply, which works off Plagg coming to care deeply for his holder, even to an unreasonable point.

Lastly, Peafowl and Water. Wu Xing as a whole represents a cycle of life, with Water representing death/soul/the end, and that can work off peacocks being tied to spirituality, rejuvenation, and being regarded as the earthly phoenix, where the end will pave the way to new beginnings and new life. Water is also an element of duality, tied to truth and clarity, but also secrecy, inner depths, and being withdrawn. Water is also a knowledge seeker, is observant, and seeks to expand. This nicely works off peacocks being symbols of vision and truth, spiritual enlightenment, and guidance. Water is also noted to be a hidden danger (play off murkey water), and that can play off peacocks being very bold and daring, able to consume snakes and use their venom as a means to bring out the vibrancy of their feathers.

Duusu I have yet to really see her(?) personality cause I haven't watched s5 at all, I don't know how much she even appears in s4 post her Miraculous getting fixed and her mental state healed, but ideally Duusu should act as the yang counter to the yin element, probably a very iconic duo of the extrovert and introvert. Duusu should be flashy, flamboyant, talkative to counter the more quiet and withdraw Water personality, but she should also be incredibly observant and able to match the wavelength of the humans she's dealing with, which can play off Water being a fluid and flexible element that's always able to adapt to it's environment.

So, not an entire match working off canon strictly, but I think there's a good bases for these elemental match ups and why kwamis can be the way they are. So I think that's the ideal: Butterfly is Wood, Ladybug is Fire, Bee is Earth, Cat is Metal, and Peafowl is Water.

[witchofthesouls]

do you realize how awesome that would be between a cybertronian and an atlanian having a few similarities ?

also I had a lot of thoughts that had me sort of stuck.

Like the beginning part of how the atlanians were trying so very hard to out run an explosion. Perhaps a little tie to Quintess? something must of had their attention that they thus gave knowledge to them but later something that caused their downfall, just like Quintess and his creations. perhaps that was price?

would the Cybertronians know at some point, be it accident or intentionally, they seek them out? Even if they had no tie to the primes, it would still be one within of Primal. though the same could be said in reverse. either way, who knows what they may have inhereted by the line. Scratch that, the Guardian would more than likely prevent them from going further but say they do get past the Guardian and they do come across an Atlanian and thus their broken home beneath the surface.

I had forgetton that the stone(?) defense does react to danger and does choose someone of royalty. I did forget about the part where Kida was chosen and thus looked... crystalized? like energon. but also could not be touched cuz you'd wind up being like them too.

I unfortunately do not remember the all parts, only bits and pieces of the movie so feel free to ignore this.

There had been some talk that other ancient civilizations had their own massive technological marvel wonders in that movie verse, so perhaps there's something in the legends and myths…

I can't help but to think of it in a universe where Earth-is-Unicron or Unicron-yielded-Gaea because 1) we all need to utilize that way more, 2) makes sense with all the chaotic fuckery on the planet, and 3) would make a lot of sense on how it managed to store/grow Energon without tipping off a nearest spacefaring civilization, seems to be a reverse Cybertron in its makeup (dirt, metal, and water), yet able to support Primus’ own creations if utilized correctly, and build on the connection between Earth and Cybertron.

We're cousins. We have to fuck around with it. Especially with the same idea that Cybertronians and humans are cousins to the Quintessons since those multi-faced, space squids are Quintus’ descendants.

So that would make so much sense why Atlantis’ mobile weaponry was modeled after sea creatures. The Atlantians are taking advantage of the squids’ natural predators for extra psychological damage.

Imagine if the Leviathan ship came after the Quintesson invasion after a lot of tinkering between mechanical and organic components? The Atlantic answer to Quintessons’ space whale transport.

King Kashekim's dying words gave us so many details of the Heart itself and how it's able to make choices. Look, if that doesn't feel like a divine instrument or a Primal Artifact, then I don't know what does!

As a timeline, we could put the Downfall after repelling the Quintessons. King Kashekim would have had access to greater tech compared to other ally civilizations at that point, who's to say he wasn't looking to expand Atlantis’ dominion, especially after a massive undertaking and decisive win?

As for being searched by Cybertronians, it would depend on the universe. It would totally revamp the G1 episode with Atlantis and TFP would have really fantastic world-building on sentient Artifacts, Optimus not being the last of the Primes, and delve into the impact of cultural/religious instruments and “who” could claim them. Could the Autobots take the Heart and doom the inhabitants to ensure Decepticons don't raid it? What happens if the Heart refuses to cooperate? It may be a Primal Artifact/Titan, but who holds its loyalty? The descendants of its creator, especially with an unbroken lineage, or a pure Cybertronian Prime?

Could they even get past the Leviathan in the first place? This isn't a submarine where a standard mech could punch through its hull. A Leviathan is a proper war machine on a galactic standard and capable of transporting the Cybertronians themselves. Would it obey Optimus or not?

There are so many directions this could go. It's fascinating!

[simplegenius042]

Music Monday + "Your OC as cannibalism"

Tagged by @inafieldofdaisies

Tagging @socially-awkward-skeleton @adelaidedrubman @shallow-gravy @direwombat @strangefable @strafethesesinners @josephslittledeputy @josephseedismyfather @bitchofedensgate @carlosoliveiraa @g0dspeeed @vasiktomis @voidika @onehornedbeast @nightbloodbix @afarcryfrommymain @corvosattano @deputyash @deputy-morgan-malone @cassietrn @chazz-anova @softtidesworld @derelictheretic @ladyoriza @minilev @wrathfulrook @neverthesameneveranother @henbased @thewanderer-000 @fourlittleseedlings @vampireninjabunnies-blog @skoll-sun-eater and @dephellseed

Music for a story in The UnTitledverse, while the quizzes will be for three characters from the other series. You can find the quiz here. Song and results below the cut.

This song, although generally a FNAF song, somehow managed to fit Calvin's story in The Dark Awakening, a planned sequel of A Blast In The Past, where he discovers the truth behind his state of purgatory, who's behind it, and how to escape it.

"In a loop inside the screen Your own prison in a dream Try to run and try to scream Even death can't save you, we

Replay your nightmare Replay, play, play your nightmare Replay your nightmare Replay, play, play your nightmare

Get in a cage While we rattle it While we rattle it Our eternal revenge We know what you did We know what you did It's Me, It's me, it's me We're all here just for you Get in a cage While we rattle it While we rattle it FOREVER

Torture, torture, don't you know How your seeds of evil grow?

Replay your nightmare 'Cause tables turn Replay your nightmare And it's your time to hurt."

On to the quiz results! For antagonists no less!

Paul Yellowjack (Far Cry The Silver Chronicles, Old Dusk the New Dawn Arc)

Paul just got called out. While his... diet in Old Dusk is more literal, this result does reveal a bit about himself. Paul's (familial) love for Silva is strong and without a doubt true, however, its this co-dependence which leads his love to become obsessive, as if he is the only one that understands her. While he knows her more than most, he hasn't known how much she's changed from the young woman he watched grow up on the Archipelagos. He longs for their connection, even when he himself admits that he does not deserve it, its the only thing that keeps him relatively sane. The "believed in magic" part comes to cruelly bite him in the ass when he is (reincarnated? resurrected? restored with horrifying abilities? IDK) and now as a swarm of wasps must seek out bodies/corpses in order to feed/puppeteer around and interact with people.

Frederick Rosemary (Life, Despair & Monsters)

I'd feel bad for him if I didn't know just how disgusting of a character he is. Frederick is all for going for the "fine" and forbidden/taboo things in life. His emptiness leads him to going the deep end of making people (especially children's) lives as miserable as possible. This man is wanted by the feds and would be on a watch list if it was common knowledge he was alive and some kind of cyborg. The fact Malvolio of all people sees him as a friend and close companion should tip off how screwed up this man is.

Aggravor the Accursed (A Radioactive Calamity of Love, Bombs & Gore, a Fallout fanfic series)

Aggravor is a nearly 3,000 year old human-turned-Lich that worked alongside a powerful inhuman warlock (from another dimension) named Arcane Urias, becoming one of the first official disciples of the Occult, a cult Urias founded to worship the Mad God of Carnage, Discord. Aggravor is being tutored under Urias' wing to learn more about older magic, beyond the basics and newest spells. Aggravor wants to become something more than what he originally was. He wants to be remembered as the most powerful spellcaster and curse-user who either succeeded or was second best to the likes of Urias and the Court King. Aggravor even manages to defeat or even fatally take out powerful casters like the Pumpkin King (an old-world supernatural being from medieval times) and Ore Brantley (one of Urias rebellious children). He was however outclassed and lost an eye in a fight with Ress Bishop (Urias remaining rebellious child). A thousand years later, he does achieve his life-long goal, for however short it is.

[expressions-lsr]

FORBIDDEN!

by Athira

In another universe, in another moment in time, can we be together?

I want this to be a poem, but my thoughts, and feelings for you won't allow me to versify what has been penned for you because when it comes to you, I would rather be chained in hell than here. Let me be free to pursue you, at least in my heart, to my heart's content.

`/Apples lie rotten on the ground where I found you; would the forbidden, if left unnoticed, soon find me rotting? /`

On a summer evening, I found you looking at yourself, in an attempt to not find yourself in others' eyes. But that chance moment changed my life. From then on, you are the only one I looked at. However, I knew what I saw in you is forbidden and I shouldn't seek it...

Seeking something that has never been hidden but only gone unnoticed until then, would that count as forbidden? I am simply recognizing my love, and in that simple act of recognition, there is a violent attack on what could be the most humane side of me.

Enchanted by the apple's beauty, wouldn't one want to know the essence, the scent, the taste of the flesh that makes one experience such surreal beauty. Once I ate the apple, I was bewitched, and in a trance that I haven't been able to come out of. From then on, everything I did was forbidden, for you and me. And the more I tried to forbid the forbidden acts, everything started rotting as if they were being starved, and forbidden of something so essential to their being.

`/What's forbidden? My love or the idea that I have feelings for you? When it's love, can anything less than love forbid it from achieving its ends? /`

If I had met you in another space, devoid of time and progression of all kinds, would you choose me?

My love is devoid of lies, contradictions, and everything that works against the love that I have kept in me for so long. All I can feel is what I know, and what I know is something I cannot hide for the fear of it rotting more than it being drowned in the water that makes it survive.

My love found you late, but should that forbid what remained in my heart for so long? My love, which waited for years to finally bloom at the sight of you.

My love cannot possess you but it can allow you to transcend the possessions you have been, to make you feel the freedom of being in love. For all these years you were forbidden, but I can let you be free, only if you let me be free in expressing my love for you.

/`/"In love, it's all fair, the aches, wounds, and scars that may take years to heal because in love, you are not feeling the potential of life but the experience of becoming one with the being that sees you in the rawest form, and almost devoid of life.

You are witnessing the being in you while 'being' with another being in a space that transcends life and flourishes on the truth that has always connected you two. So, in love, can anything not be possible? (Aren't possibilities the chance occurrences that dominate life? Can such ideas indicate the definite path of an idea through which life has been found, even if that path is founded on transgressions?)"/`/

"To love something, then, is to name it after something so worthless it might be left untouched—and alive."

~Ocean Vuong

To keep you alive, and for me to survive, I will keep calling you forbidden so that anyone who wishes to be yours steps back, fearing consequences, which in my case happen to nothing important because I have become you in acts of repeated imitations of pronouncing my love for you in a silent prayer only to be heard by you.

If you are forbidden, no one can possess you, can they? But I suppose love doesn't follow that rule. You could be all consumed in the ecstasy of love.

So, I shall never name you because our name is a secret that, if found, could never be lost again. And isn't love all about getting lost again and again to be found by love again and again.

"Don't we touch each other just to prove we're still here?"

~Ocean Vuong

I won't hurt you, and I wouldn't want to, even with a simple glance at you. But how am I supposed to tell you that I have been waiting for you without ever touching you with my presence? How can I make you hear my voice when my presence is often present and absent in the noises of the surroundings, without ever touching you with the tremors in my voice?

I want to tell you that I am here, looking at you, wondering if I would have found you before, maybe then I wouldn't have had to relive my past that forbids me from meeting you, often translating into a present in which the future seems unreachable in the reality construed by us.

Can we, perhaps, leave everything behind and become one in a paradise that exists parallel to the reality we are in? Can we do that?

I want to be with you, even if I fall and hurt myself, because in you there's something I wish to have, even though it tastes like sweet poison, something that would bring me back to myself.

I know you want to recognize me, but being the taboo is quite poisonous, so you avoid my eyes and avert your gaze while yearning to be together in each other's presence. But I don't mind being touched by the poison because perhaps that's the only remedy for my aching soul, wishing to be loved and found in love one last time.

"Perhaps love can be spoken in different tongues, but it's only in the embrace of your loved one that you can feel that love can never be spoken about because it simply lives with neither a past to worry about nor a future to go on existing. It is an experience rooted in its movement towards becoming something more than what it is, but it needs to be recognized for it to bloom between the ones who find it lingering near them."

Please don't run away before finding me, and if you are afraid of being in a space so forbidden that people rarely look at it, please let me guide you to a space that has been ours from the beginning. Our love was never forbidden; it was us who were forbidden from being in love. But in love, can anything be forbidden? How can one touch a rose if one forbids the thorns from touching their skin?

This time, I will be 'the forbidden' so that you can seek while I run and hide in a place only you and I know.

[acorpsecalledcorva]

While I do definitely wholly agree that no perspective or technique is universally useful and helpful for everyone, I definitely think there is value in being open to the perspectives and techniques that we've dismissed in a limited and specific way when we struggle.

For instance, I use parts language and view the system, including myself as a part as all being part of a collective singular me. It's why I tend not to use we/us a lot. I, and the other mes take ownership of all actions taken by petty much everyone in the system because this creates a sense of cohesion and continuality that allow us to function. It reduces daily amnesia because we're not constantly trying to distance ourselves from each other and generally reduces friction around decisions trusting that they're made with the system in mind rather than personally for each part. HOWEVER, I've always hated myself. I have incredibly negative opinions about who I am and punish myself a lot for just being me or not being a better version of me. Any mistakes I make are treated with severe prejudice and I don't accept nice things because I feel like I don't deserve them.

I would never treat anyone else like that though, I wouldn't think these things about a friend. And so for these issues it IS useful to view my parts as completely separate people, to think of them as friends or colleagues or family, because I can show them the compassion I cannot show myself. If an alter fucks up or does something harmful I can remember that they come from a history of pain and isolation, I can understand their actions and forgive them, think about what they might need from me to heal and help them move on because I truly believe that everyone is deserving of rehabilitation.

Sometimes though, I have to reverse engineer this situation. Often an issue with persecutors is that they feel rejected, their actions and behaviours were once a helpful coping mechanism but when our lives changed and we moved on it became less and less appropriate to do those things. They get stuck doing the only thing they know how to do and become increasingly frustrated that it's no longer working or being appreciated by the system. They're hostile to everyone else because they've been treated with hostility and aren't open to reconciliation because by that time it's like "oh what? Now you want to talk? Fuck you". To write them off is to confirm what they think about themselves. That they're bad and evil and so what's the point in getting better because they don't deserve compassion or acceptance from the system. Sound familiar?

So what do I do? Well, from my distanced perspective I then have to approach it with curiosity. Why might I behave this way? What scenario might lead me to do these things? What environment might convince me that this is a necessary thing to do? Can I find empathy with this position or similarities? Could that be a point of connection through which to make a connection? To show that I truly understand what they're going through and genuinely want to help?

Or even, am I subconsciously a willing participant in this dynamic? I hate myself, right? Do I think I deserve these things to do be done to me? At one point in time is this behaviour what I thought showing love was? Is this what it meant to be cared for to me back then? Does this situation feel safer to me in a way because pain and suffering is the devil I know?

In Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliott believes that we create painful scenarios for ourselves because our brains desire a more complete human experience, the good with the bad, and the more we conciously reject and resent the bad the more we desire it and create badness for ourselves. It is only by accepting this desire and gratifying ourselves by enjoying it and being grateful for the terrible things that happen that we can move on and seek out the good. Which is...definitely one of the takes of all time. I definitely take issues with the implications of victim blaming that are prevalent throughout her book, but there is insight to be drawn for sure. And in fact, the number one recommended approach to a persecutor is gratitude. To thank them for doing what they do, to show them that they're appreciated for their role and what they're trying to do, because from that position it may very well be more possible to provide constructive criticism. You have to mean it though, because by living in your head they can usually tell your true feelings.

And I completely understand why that might feel impossible to do when you feel like what they do is unforgivable, but there's a very important lesson that everyone needs to learn if they want to grow. And that's that sometimes it is up to us to take responsibility for a situation, even when we really shouldn't have to, even when it so completely isn't our fault or fair in the slightest. If what a persecutor needs to feel to change their behaviour is gratitude and acceptance, to feel that they really are a vital part of the system just like everyone else, and by providing this for them we can make things better for ourselves and the rest of the system, to create a net positive effect on all regards, then... shouldn't we? Not because of some moral duty to do the right thing or be the better person, but simply because things would be better?

Like, if there's a $1000 dollars on a table that's free for you to take, if you don't take it then no one will get it, it's only there for you to take or not with no judgement or consequences either way even if you feel like there will be, would you really not take it? And if not, then why? Do you think it's a trick? Do you think that you don't deserve it? You see how these all loop around and connect to each other?

This post is long and confusing because these situations are complicated and don't have any simple answers. All I'm trying to highlight and urge everyone to do is to never stop being curious. Always ask yourself questions, always approach something from a different angle. Especially when you come across obstacles that feel impossible. If anything that I've said feels completely wrong to you, rather than dismissing it as not being applicable to you ask yourself why you feel like it doesn't? If your persecutor is actually irredeemable and evil but mine are not, what makes you different than me? Is it easier for you to think that because then you don't have to put in the work? Does it make you feel special to have a kind of persecutor someone else doesn't? If what I'm saying right now offends you, is there a possibility, however small you think it may be, that deep down it might be true?

No, I don't think you can say for certain that every persecutor is a misguided protector, but what if the one you've decided definitely isn't actually is? What if you're wrong about them? What if you can fix it and make things better? Shouldn't you try? Why not?