#we’ve been on 3 chill dates bc he’s in last year of uni so it’s not easy

[cle-levanter]

who knew I would get my first kiss in December 2022? not January 2022 me that’s for sure

[isitstraightvodka]

so buckle in: so way back when i was 21 (.. so three years ago) which i know doesnt seem young when you're it, but looking back im like HOLY SHIT i was a BABY, i was at uni (still am) and when i was picking my classes for the semester found it amusing that two of my classes were with the same professor. i'd had him before, he was pretty chill, and ugly as all fuck. like. he was known for being the professor that all the good professor's chucked their shitty classes at bc he'd never published (1)

and anyway it was all good! u know, the classes seemed interesting and i was coming out of a really bad depressive period that had lasted about a year or so and i was, to my mind, Recovered. so that semester i put in a lot of effort into…. pretty much everything. my grades were sky high, i was dressing nicely and doing my hair and makeup, i was moving out of home, i was On My Shit. and it had been a bit of a joke among my friends and i that the prof seemed to quite like me (2)

he was always joking about with me, he handed out extensions to me like candy, and one time he was caught staring down my shirt which. was just sort of Funny at the time because??? this dude is in his late thirties and a bit sad, so whatever you know. it just became a running joke amongst my friends and i that i was going to fuck my professor. until, of course, end of semester came about and he invited the whole class (for one of the units) out for end of semester drinks (3)

and so my friends and i trundled along and got…. fucking obliterated. he did too. and then as the night goes on people start leaving and it somehow ends up just being he and i as i figure out how to order an uber (i’d never used uber before at the time, it was still relatively new in perth) so i can get home. anyway my phone died so i was like… well. Fuck! and he invited me to come to his office and charge my phone. anyway ended up fucking him because im a Disaster who wants validation (4)

and he’s a dickhead in a position of authority exploiting that position and also out relative drunkenness to get a fuck. anyway all good, all fine. the next morning im freaking out like holy shit CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN to which he’s like. it’s chill, i really like you and im already planning on notifying the university that i cant teach you again which had me like. oh. oh okay? cool. that’s pretty great, thanks.  and he’s like… so like, would u be interested in going on a date? (5)

and im like…… in for a penny, in for a pound right? so. sure, ig, as long as you. file that paperwork, that would be nice i suppose. anyway we end up dating for eight months, i meet his friends, some of his family. it’s all cool, but also im not actually sure if i like him or not or if i just like the fact that someone’s into me? and then i meet a girl through a friend of mine who is like oh man i met this girl i think you’ll get along with you should join us for dinner tonight (6)

so, i do. and while we’re at dinner i mention something about the prof just casually to my friend and the girl stops and goes “oh, you know x?” and im like oh yeah we’ve known each other a while and she sort of went quiet. and then later on she’s like “hey, dont take this offensively, but do you know if x has a history of sleeping with his students?” and im like. alarm bells ringing. like yeah! my dude he sure does! in fact, i’ve been fucking him for 8 months (7) 

and she goes “that motherfucker, i’ve been dating him ‘exclusively’ for five months” :) and so we confronted him and it turned out! he also had a chronically ill fiancee at home! who none of his friends or family that i’d met had said anything about! anyway someone ended up reporting him to the university without our consent and he ended up getting away with the whole thing (and! he never submitted that paperwork lmao). that’s the story of my shitty ex! who i still have to see around campus (8)

tl;dr: don’t fuck people who are in positions of authority over you. even if you think you’ve got control over the situation, you don’t and they Will fuck you over and destroy your mental health!!!!! (9) 

well THAT was one hell of a rollercoaster! men ain’t shit, he is disgusting and I can’t believe you still have to see him, that must be horrible. and he’s a fucking professor, it’s wrong and foul to take advantage of students like that, and he’s engaged too?? like wtf dude, he sure is fucked up for thinking all this is/was ok. i’m fuming, this is why i don’t trust many men bc they’re act in terrible ways, I hope you’ve had/will have better experiences, lo, it’s what’s best for you, and you deserve everything good when it comes to relationship. I pray you never go through something like this again, but thank you for sharing! xx

let’s chat about shitty exes!

[seasirpent]

Huge life in Jordan update!

Alright, so what have we done this past??? Month??

We finished our month long class in the city and are crying over the ease there was to get there and um rami!! She worked in the center we went to and like kept that place running. So good, we all miss her so much 😭

We started classes at the actual university and we all hate it. it’s so far, like 1-1.5 hour trip, and for me that’s not including the 20 min walk to/from the bus stop every day. We saw um rami there on thursday though and she made all of our week!! I’m starting to get used to the time after a couple weeks, but still not a huge fan of the place. I do like my teachers, one that i have for 2/3 of my classes is the same teacher i had during the month class in the city, but they’re both in arabic and that’s been a bit stressful. My third teacher is so sweet and kind (not to say my other teacher isn’t?) but like one of the kids compared her to mrs.potts and it’s pretty accurate. And so for the most part i go by heba here in jordan, it makes my life easier, but on the roster it still has my dead name on there, and when i talked to the teacher to be like oh hey can you please not call me that she was like “i will call you whatever you want, even if it’s john” and i could cry to be quite honest. 

My host mom had me invite all my classmates over for a meal a couple (one?) week ago, and that was nice of her and we all had a nice time! I ended up going to see a movie with the boys after it, that new.. i already forgot the name of it but it has gosling, replicants, and is apparently a continuation of an old thing i didn’t even know of? It was okay. I’d give it like a 6.5-7/10, but i do want to see the original- blade runner, it was called blade runner- and if a sequel is made, i would be interested in it.

I visited Jerash last friday which is this old town with lots of roman ruins all over, and it was so beautiful and i would love to go back again. 

These past couple of days have been really amazing too. Thursday i hung out w the girls in my group and we ended up running into someone a couple of em knew who went to our uni in the US but graduated. She is so cute and i love her so much oh my goodness!!! Tomorrow is one of the girl’s in my group’s birthday, so we’ve kind of been having a whole weekend of celebration for her. Thursday evening we went out with our whole group, and one of the kids invited someone who he rode the bus with who brought his friend, and his friend was a real fuckboy and annoying as hell honestly, but it was otherwise great! And i ended up having a real nice conversation w my uber driver who was v encouraging and nice all around. I didn’t get home until midnight and my host mom was like she doesn’t like me out that late because she’s worried about me being in a taxi w a stranger that late at night, and i was just like it was fine i’m okay i took an uber.

Yesterday, i got to visit the largest refugee camp in the country. We were really lucky to get in because you can’t just go and have to get permission i think from the king or someone real high up at least, but one of my classmates got his masters in refugee resettlement and other issues? and we talked to this father of this church attached to the center where we had classes during the month, and he is a BIG deal here, and when my friend mentioned that he was like would you like to go i can put a word in for you, and thanks to him, we got to go! It was really amazing the life they built for themselves there. Apparently that camp is the fourth largest city in the whole country, it has so many people. We talked with one family, and obviously it was just like we’d love to go back to our country once it’s safe, but it’s just not right now. But it’s amazing. They can work in the camp or get a permit to work outside in the capital, they have a bunch of stores and restaurants and sweet places like you would find in the regular city. Like i’m just so proud of the life they’ve built for themselves despite the difficulty and all the help other organizations have given. They get healthcare if they need it, birth control is offered though people apparently aren’t interested, they have gym facilities, an enormous amazing soccer field was donated (or the money/resources for it at least were). There’s apparently 24 like districts in the whole city, 28 schools throughout. There are SO many kids, and they were like all so sweet. A couple ended up following us for most of the trip, and just my sweet children honestly. I bought a couple scarves and a bracelet from one of the shops. Their shop area is enormous!!! It’s a giant street that goes through almost the whole camp. People were v kind and welcoming. I just hope conflicts resolve so they can all go home, or have some kind of a real life soon.

After the trip yesterday, i ended up going out the girls and the birthday girl’s boyfriend yesterday! We chilled in a nestle shop (did you know there are nestle shops, like cafes? I didn’t). It was so nice and cute. After everyone else left i hung out w the birthday girl and her boyfriend a little longer, we went to a shwarma place. Their fries were so good omg. I didn’t get home until 1am, which is funny bc after getting home at midnight the night before my host mom was like don’t be out until 1-2am, it’s haram. I think her biggest concern was still the taxi though, so i let her know the boyfriend was dropping me home and she was just like alright.

So fun fact!! The birthday girl and her boyfriend have been going out a couple years, but have only ever got to see each other a few times in real life because he lives here in jordan, and she lives in the US, and is lebanese, so when she does come to the area it’s always to lebanon, and this is the most time they’ve ever got to spend together since they’ve started dating and it is the cutest thing in the world. To make this even cuter, her birthday is tomorrow, but their anniversary is today! So they’re being all cute today, and her boyfriend has a surprise birthday party planned for her with us coming tomorrow. Like my heart can’t take how sweet this all is. They make me wanna find love so bad, honestly. 

I like was gonna talk about more pissed off drama i’ve had w the family i’m staying with, but writing all the cute things out have left me so happy i don’t even care. I will say though the boys hate me and whenever i get frustrated the host mom just tells me they’re playing with me and then does that whole just calm down thing, and wow i am so tired of living with children who hate me and the parents tell me i’m over exaggerating and to chill. (like right before i left me and my brother finally started getting on in a respectful manner, so of course i had to come here and continue to deal with that same hell, because the last 15 years weren’t enough)

Anyway, jordan is a time i can’t wait to get back in chicago, but am excited for the rest of my time here holds!