#we’re winning everything this year im telling you

[amorfodaa]

just three days 🙏

[soxcietyy]

To Geto, from Yuta

Yuta x reader

Yuta finds a sneaky spy that had been among the group. So he decides to take care of it by sending an interesting message to where they came from.

Tw: sucking, hair pulling, recording, shaming

"Get up."

"No, please, I promise I won’t ever show my face around here again! I’ll move back to the country and you’ll never hear about me again!" You say grabbing his ankle.

You’ve been dating Yuta for a year now and it seemed like it was about to end. He had just found out that you were an enemy all along. You were under Geto, telling him everything you could about jujutsu high. You were the crummy little rat that has been lurking around all along. You didn’t mean to fall in love with him. You knew what your mission was but he had captured your heart the second you guys had met last year. Now he had finally caught on to your act and had you on the floor begging for mercy. You couldn’t lie you were scared shitless because this was Yuta here. He wasn’t just your average sorcerer.

"How long were you going to keep this up hm? Do you not feel an ounce of shame? Did you even love me?" He squats down to take a better look at your face that was drenched in tears. "Pretty sad that you were pathetic at your job." He continued. "So sad that Geto only taught you how to be a slut, how to seduce a man and spread you’r legs for them." He lets out an exhausted laugh.

"Im going to fuck you up." You say feeling all that fear turning into anger. Letting go of his leg you reach for your sword.

"No darling I’m going to fuck you in front of everyone to set an example. Because I know damn well there’s more of you guys here." He grabs your face aggressively with the smile he always wore around you. "And don’t even think this relationship is over because I already told you, You’re mine no matter what. Before we do anything why don’t we send Geto a little video no?"

Grabbing you by the hair he dragged you inside the building. Your clothes became dirty from all the dirt on the floor you were collecting. Your hands and knees turning red earning themselves cuts and scratches from the sharp rocks and terrain. You could only see the dirty floor as he pulled you along the campus. Luckily for you he decided to go into an empty building. The next room he entered was full of cameras. Every spot in the school being shown on the big screen. Even in spots you didn’t think anyone would be watching. You curse under your breath as your knees began to hurt from being on them.

He sat down on a chair and looked at your red teary eyes. Without a second thought he shoved your face into his crotch immediately. Not giving you time to adjust to your new environment. You could hear him groans as he pushed your face deeper into his groin. You could feel how his member started to grow from being aroused. Usually when you guys did this he was nice, general and caring. You knew this wasn’t going to be like that. Letting out a cry from not being able to breathe you could feel his grip on your hair tighten. Clearly not thinking of letting you off the hook. Pulling you back you finally take a breath.

Zipping his pants down he lets his hard member out just for it to smack you on the cheek.

"You look so gorgeous like this." He whispers as he rubs it up and down your face. You could see how his face was full of anger yet lust was clearly winning his emotions over. Lifting your head up he places his tip on your lips.

"Now be good and do what your best at. We’re going to show Geto what you’ve been doing while on your little spying mission." Yuta says pulling his phone out.

Your eyes widen as you duck down trying to hide behind his leg. With a rough tug he pulled you right back up with the phone on your face. He was definitely not bluffing about sending this to Geto. He pushed his dick inside your mouth until it was halfway in. Your eyes beginning to water from how big it was.

"Geto, caught your little rat sneaking around. Look at how pretty she looks on her knees, with those puffy red eyes, beautiful soft lips, and the adorable drool on the side of her mouth." Yuta shoves your head deeper into his member.

You gag and try to pull back but his firm grip was still on you. Pushing your head up and downwards until you were a mess.

"Fuck, I bet Geto taught you how to suck by giving you tips huh? Bet he loved Sucking our sensei Gojo." Yuta smirks as he fucks your mouth.

You looked like a total mess as he used you. Abusing the back of your throat to his hearts content. Shoving you balls deep into him until your nose touched his pelvis. You looked up at him begging for him to let you breathe. Tapping his leg like crazy as a signal to him that you’ve given up. You watched as he slowly started smiling at you before thrusting himself a few more times.

"Good girl, tell Geto how much you love my cock." He shoved the camera in your face once again.

You shake your head pleading with him not to do this.

"Say it." Yuta said with a firm voice.

"I ouv yuas cockc" you say with his member still in your mouth.

Your hear him curse under his breath as the vibration of your throat travels down his member. Drool starts dripping onto the floor as you continued to suck. Making a mess on him that he was very much enjoying. Your lips turning purple from the nonstop work. Tears running down your face as he smiles at you.

"Don’t swallow yet." Yuta warns before aggressively shoving your throat all the way in. Holding it in that position as he pumps his sees into that mouth of yours. He could hear you gag and squirm trying to get away from him making him want to ruin you more.

After he felt like he had released everything he released your head causing you to fall backwards on your behind. Your hand flys to your chest as you gasp for air. Breathing had never felt so good until now. He stood up quickly and forced you to open your mouth to show the camera what he had left in your mouth.

"Now swallow and thank Geto for making you come here."

Your face flushes from embarrassment as you swallow his seed.

"T-thank you master Geto…for making me come here."

[haerni]

COULD’VE BEEN ──── 이희승 . the past is a blur, reality was harsher than it usually is. how deep does one could ever love a person?

. . genre : exes w lingering feelings · fem reader hurt comfort time motifs · word count : 1869 . notes . . im in love with heeseung lately </3

you love lee heeseung��you loved him, you did.

there was no denying it, he was an amazing boyfriend—perfect, even. your break up wasn't something you could call a bad ending, far from it. it was a mutual decision on both of you, it was something you both agreed on despite everything.

three years was all it took, three wonderful years of your life, three of it that you would come to treasure in the years to come. coming to terms of remaining as friends instead of strangers, your friends were even more bewildered. because really, who would still be friends with their ex? who would even want that?

“you still have feelings for him,” sunoo pointed out. “don’t deny it!” he shoots as quickly as you try to open your mouth with a quick retort with the high possibility of denying it, he surmised.

“i don’t have feelings for him, thank you very much.” you dismissed, getting back to what you were doing. “we’re really just friends now, acquaintances if you will.”

he narrows his eyes on you, not believing a word you say, but he lets it go with a puff shaking his head.

“you know what they say about exes staying friends. either you never loved each other at all, or you still have feelings—either way you’re not fooling me.” he says a matter of fact, helping himself in your fridge taking the mint chocolate.

you find your friend’s deduction to be ridiculous.

sometimes you catch yourself thinking of how he's doing. is he eating well? still staying up late until dawn because of his games? winning his league games? a small smile makes its way to your face at the same memories you share, somehow a bittersweet taste comes with it, yet it's still tucked away somewhere where your other moments lie, shaking your head away from it as quickly as it came. letting the thought simmer away to the backs of your mind.

lee heeseung was a fond memory you keep, but nonetheless he was just a memory still.

love was something you held for lee heeseung before, you don't really know what to call it now. maybe you wouldn't love someone for a long time as you have loved lee heeseung.

after all, what you knew as your greatest love was too great to be forgotten at all.

—

love was bound to find its way to you again, heeseung thinks.

you were like a force of nature that comes like you belong to everything, to every good little thing heeseung can ever name of. like everything was made to be the way it is just for you

—and somehow he also used to believe he was also made just for you.

that was before the fallout. now he believes that maybe after pining over you for many years and being your friend just the same, maybe this was where he should've always been. not to hold you like lovers do, not to kiss you as much as a friendship does not require, and definitely not to have you in any way that would be deemed more than what relationship you had returned to.

just friends. nothing more, nothing less.

it's useless, though. the glass in his hands is cold. misery was rather more of a warm company to heeseung, too familiar even. the lights at the bar were dimmed down adding more somber to the mood, and it is like the universe is playing some sort of twisted tricks on him. just to remind how hollow it is, how the world was actually big, it's too cold—it's lonely.

everything was becoming too much and not enough all the same.

drinking was never a good idea, it never was for heeseung. you'd always tell him that he gets so lost in it that he forgets just how many he downs and it leaves him away into the night with a smile and fits of giggles that are contagious and slurred words that he always tries to utter.

it's stupid, he was stupid.

but atleast he had you then, the one who would take care of him if he has one of too many or maybe crawl up into his lap when he's gaming away into the night and you'd just do it because you'd rather have his warmth near you than settle with the thought of having him in the same room. or times when you would just run up to him and like it's engraved in his veins to have you in his arms and hold you like forever was never enough of a time to describe how much he wants you. forever was too less of a time, a life with you would be more and to those other lives he will get to have you seems more promising.

forever is too much of a word for lee heeseung. if your lives were to part, may he always find you in the next and the comings. for him to never take another heart that does not belong to you. may lee heeseung love you to every time, to be born in the same universe as you, the same time, the same place.

three lifetimes, three wonderful lives you both had, and he thinks it is simply not enough.

he begs the heavens to let him be made just for you once more. because forever in one, will never be something to call what you have.

eternity suits you better, he thinks.

—

the night strolls, the stars are twinkling with the hopes of catching an eye.

this night feels a little more dreadful than the last. the drink he had down a few minutes ago keeps him warm in the night, setting itself in his stomach. heeseung has spent away the after hours this way, a routine that has eaten him alive to its core. it's not an ideal lifestyle, but he continues anyway.

he strolls without a place in mind, after all he has lost home once and wherever you are, his heart resides.

you are everything that heeseung has prayed for.

as familiar buildings meet his eyes and it brings back some memories he had kept away. treacherous. suddenly he finds himself in your street, a few blocks away from where you are. he can knock, he can ask you, he can stay, but he was a stranger altogether. so, the best thing heeseung takes rather than doing all of those things? was to sober up and leave.

mortality has never been kind to him. and everything he has kept in his heart was torn from its home and never to be returned like the sands that slithers away from the storm.

and he had begged at everything that would hear him. because the sand had gone out of the hourglass too soon than what he had always hoped for. time has never been his friend, after all, what time would be fond of something going against it? fate was too cruel to you. but you had embraced it just the same.

how could he ever subject you to the same fate once more? a string tied to you or not, he would rather see you with the colors of life.

and as if this time—for once, mercy has taken pity on him. because as his heel turns he hears the front door of your home, and he shouldn't look, he shouldn't stop, he should go. but you're just still you, right? the always loveable you.

“heeseung?”

oh how he has missed your voice.

against his very judgement he turns around.

there you are by the porch of your home wrapped in a blanket protecting you from the chills of the night and you seem comfortable, you always are. he stops just as his mind tells him the opposite (how could lee heeseung ever say no to your very being?).

and he couldn't stop—heeseung has loved you for a very long time and it feels like it's the only language he can speak to answer your call.

you descend down on your stairs, with a small shy walk on your feet towards him. he feels dizzy, have you always been this pretty?

he tries to say something, anything, but you seem to knock the air out of his chest every time, he releases a breath he's been holding, “hey.”

if you knew better you think heeseung seemed to be full of life when he is with you, like a flower who basks in the sun. you don't know what to say to him, is there any words to describe whatever you were feeling? he knew everything about you, he read you like a diary he has memorized all his life, when words fail you, heeseung comes to answer it.

you couldn't really remember now why you broke up, too many talks, too many faults, too many problems that pile up as time wanes. but you missed him, you miss him too much now to remember why.

“it’s cold,” he begins. its obvious, but what could he possibly tell you?

it's weird now, his eyes are still the same and yet you find yourself wanting it just the same, “yeah, it is.”

silence passes you, it's not uncomfortable, it's not heavy—you're relieved.

“i should probably go.” he should, but is it a sin to say you want him to stay? you pursed your lips in contempt, you should say something.

heeseung may claim to be someone who keeps his words, but right now his feet feel heavy, like his anchored to where he stands—in front of you. he waits for you to utter anything to him, a small hope of you stopping him. to make it feel it was okay to want you like this, to be in your presence.

the silence beckoned you to speak before you can even think of it. “it’s already late..” it's embarrassing, almost as if you were too left open in his eyes again, “..you can stay, if you'd like.”

a second clock and a pin drop, heeseung adorned a soft smile on his lips and as if he was on the same wavelength as you he utters words he thought he couldn't ever tell you, “i missed you.”

“i know,” and it's not obnoxious, it's a truth that you know well, its a fact that you know deep in your bones, “i missed you too.”

and everything was happening in the blink of an eye, his arms are around you and he breathes your scent in. despite the blanket around you, his warmth burns more and you love it—some things just never change.

lee heeseung will never meet what could’ve been, would’ve been, what should’ve been you in that lifeline. your first life together would always be a mystery to the both of you. he misses you, more than he remembers.

he hopes he doesn't lose you again.

“i’ve got a lot to pine about. i’ve got a lot to live without. so rest well, hm? we’ll see each other again.”

—excerpt from (1500’s), A Hundred Years And A Lifetime, letters of Evan Lee to his wife by a Nameless Laureate poet.

[wintersoldiersoul]

Bucky x reader- super angsty but fluff ending

In a relationship, bucky doesn't want reader going on mission because it's a hydra Misson, they argue and don't talk to each other, bucky hears reader get hurt and he hears her say "im sorry buck, i love you" and then her comms go out and he can't do anything to help because he's pinned down and by the time he gets to her she's bleeding out and passed out and bucky is breaking down apologising and saying he didn't mean anything of what he said etc and I dunno how you would wanna end it

A/N: So sorry it took me so long to get to this request!! I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries, throwing up, lots of angst and fluff

“Bucky, stop it!” You shouted. “I’m going on this mission, okay? I can handle myself.” You had been having this fight all morning. The mission you were going on was extremely dangerous. You were basically marching right into the center of Hydra. 

“I am begging you,” Bucky pleaded. “I can’t let anything happen to you.”

“You do realize I’m a superhero in my own right? I don’t need you to protect me!” You snapped back. You knew he just wanted to protect you, but the fact that he acted like you weren’t capable of this made you angry. You had spent years fighting with the Avengers back when he was still the Winter Soldier. You had fought aliens and bionic humans and monsters. You didn’t need him to help you.

“I know but you don’t understand. They know we’re together. That means you have a target on your back. They’d do anything to hurt you because it would hurt me!” You almost felt bad but you had to stand up for yourself. You weren’t some helpless little girl.

“You’re being stupid! I thought you were smarter than this, Y/N. You’re acting like a child!” Bucky said, matching the stern tone of your voice.

“I don’t care! Let me be stupid then!” You left your room, slamming the door on your way out to go meet everyone at the jet. Bucky followed shortly after and the team got ready to leave. 

The two of you didn’t say a word to each other on the flight across the world to Europe. The tension between the two of you hung heavy in the air, casting a fog over the entire jet. Everyone could tell something was going on, but no one dared to ask. Your relationship was incredibly passionate - full of love that could burn the world down. But the same principle applied when you fought.

You were paired up with Natasha, splitting off from Bucky, Steve, and Tony when you arrived. You subtly snuck around the Hydra base, using your spy skills to remain hidden. You had been trained by the Red Room like Natasha, turning you into a silent killer full of stealth and surprises.

“Status?” Bucky spoke through the com device in your ear.

When you didn’t immediately make a move to respond, Natasha filled him in. “There’s agents everywhere. We’re hidden right now but we gotta make a move soon.”

“Same here,” Bucky answered.

An agent passed by but didn’t spot the two of you. All at once, you and Natasha passed, jumping onto the man's shoulders from behind and snapping his neck. “One down, a hundred to go,” you smirked at Nat. You could do this. You could prove to Bucky that you didn’t need his help.

Steve updated everyone, panting through the coms that they were deep into battle now. You and Natasha took a more subtle approach, trying to remain as hidden as possible before sneaking up and stealthily taking out agents as you could. Everything was going well. It was all under control.

Until you felt the gun against your head.

“Don’t move a damn muscle,” a low russian accent purred in your ear. “I’ve got you right where I want you,” he said, dragging the gun from your temple around to the base of your neck. Your arms were pinned behind you. You couldn’t move.

Natasha was too far away, locked into her own battle with an agent. A battle that she was winning but one that could easily go wrong if she turned her focus. You wanted to scream out but you were terrified that if you did, the man would shoot.

In the blink of an eye, the man who was holding you pulled out a knife and sliced your thigh deeply. You couldn’t help the cry that escaped your mouth as he did it, grabbing Natasha’s attention just as she finished off her victim.

“Y/N!” She ran over to you but was sidetracked by another agent stepping in her path.

“What’s going on?” Bucky’s voice rang out in your ears. “Y/N? Natasha?” Panic was evident in his voice. “Someone talk to me!”

“Bucky!” You cried out, hoping he would show up any second to save you. “Help me!”

The Hydra agent laughed, hearing your calls for the man. “You’re Barnes’ girl, aren’t you?” He laughed, coldly. “Oh, we’re gonna have fun.” His voice sent chills down your spine.

“Y/N, what’s going on? Where are you?” His voice came through your ear.

“I-I don’t know!” You answered. “He-has me!”

“I’m coming, baby, I’m coming. Are you hurt?”

You were still terrified each time you answered, expecting that the man would pull the trigger every time you opened your mouth. But if these were your last moments, you wanted to spend them talking to the love of your life.

“Y-yes,” you choked out.

“Alright, I think I’ve been nice enough to let this go on for so long,” the russian accent spoke before ripping the comms out of your ear and smashing it on the ground.

“No!” You cried out. The blood you were losing from your leg was already making you feel dizzy. A puddle of crimson from your body began to pool on the ground. 

“I was gonna shoot you in the head,” the man behind you whispered in your ear, making you feel sick. “But it would be such a shame to mess up this pretty face.”

Before you could even register what was going on, the gun was pressed to your back and a bullet was fired into your body. He shot you two more times. The man laughed as he walked away, leaving you to bleed out alone on the floor. Natasha had left, you had no idea where she had gone. She didn’t mean to abandon you, she really thought you’d be able to get out of your situation on your own while she completed the mission.

Across the building, Bucky was frantic. “Y/N? Talk to me! Where are you, baby?” He was panicking. One minute you were talking to him and then you were just…gone. His worst fear was coming true.

He sprinted as far as he could, dodging Hydra agents left and right, taking them out with the metal arm that they had put on his body.  He swore he had never run faster in his entire life. He knew back at their post, Steve and Tony were still fighting, yelling at him as he sprinted away. He knew he’d be in trouble later. But he didn’t care. He only cared about you.

But he was intercepted by more agents. Suddenly, he was pinned down, completely unable to move. “Y/N!” He yelled out again while he thrashed. He didn’t even care that these men would probably kidnap him again. Turn him back into the Winter Soldier. All he cared about was reaching you.

He tried as hard as he could, thrashing and squirming. Time was running out. He didn't know exactly what had happened to you, but he knew you didn't have long. Especially with the nature of the enemy you were dealing with.

After minutes of trying to escape the agent's grasp, he was able to free his metal arm, punching hard and knocking down the agent who had his legs. He was then able to use more strength to fight, taking down each person who had tried to separate him from the love of his life.

He was sick when he saw you, bending over to throw up at the sight in front of him. You were laying on the ground, still as a rock. Blood stained the concrete below you. He swore he had never seen so much blood come from one person at once. 

“Y/N!” He screamed out, running over to you. Your eyes were closed. “Y/N, wake up! Wake up, please!” He cried. “Oh my god, please!” He chanted over and over, trying to get you to open your eyes while putting pressure on you to stop the bleeding as much as possible. 

Suddenly there was a gasp from your frame. “B-bucky!” You called out weakly using every ounce of strength you could. “I love you.” 

“I love you, angel. So much. I didn’t mean a word I said! Please just hang on! Please! I can’t watch you die right now.” Tears streamed down his face as he spoke.

"So...tired," you said weakly, your eyes fluttering between opened and closed.

"I know, baby, I know," he stroked your hair. "But you gotta stay awake, okay? You gotta fight."

"What's going on, Buck?" Steve spoke in his ear.

"It's bad, Steve. I gotta get her to a hospital. Now," he said, through tears.

"Alright. It's clear now. You can take her."

Bucky swore time moved in slow motion as you waited for an ambulance. He held your hand the entire time, terrified every time your eyes closed for more than a second. You kept drifting in and out of consciousness even as the paramedics began to work on you in the vehicle. He couldn't believe this was really happening. If he lost you, his entire world would stop.

9 hours and an emergency surgery later, you were still unconscious but stable. He sat by your hospital bed, eyes red from crying, still holding your hand.

"Baby, I don't know if you can hear me right now," he said to your unconscious body. "But I need you to wake up. I need you to come back to me. I can't do this without you, I-" he paused as his voice broke. "I never thought I'd have any good in my life again. And then I found you. And I can't lose you. I don't know what I'll do. I don't know who I am without you." Tears wet his face as he spoke. "Please, baby. My darling. Please, come back to me."

He didn't leave your side all night. He waited and waited for hours, not sleeping or eating. He was terrified to not be watching you even for a second.

The sun was rising the next morning and he was exhausted and scared and he just wanted you. His head was in his metal hand as he cried, still holding yours with his flesh one, when he felt it. It was small, but he felt it. The subtle squeeze from your hand. "Y/N?" he said, immediately lifting his head.

You groaned softly, eyes still closed. "Am I dead?" You asked as you very slowly opened your eyes, trying to adjust to the light.

"No, baby," he sniffed, getting up and kissing your forehead. "You're not dead. You're alive. Oh my god, you're alive."

[hhughes]

Need Jack and Nico trying to convince her

“c’mon vi, don’t you wanna see your favourite devil in action?” nico asks with a grin, knowing jack and luke were gonna protest that statement

“okay, captain dimples, relax. we all know im her favourite devs player. right vi?” jack cuts in shoving nico lightly from their position on the couch as he leans closer to the computer screen

“sure jacky, you’re my favourite,” violet admits, looking at luke and sending him an exaggerated wink, causing the taller boy to smile slightly. god he missed her. even though he saw her at the detroit game only a few days ago.

he couldn’t describe to anyone what it was like, going from being with her 24/7 to seeing her maybe once a month, if he’s lucky. jack calls them out all the time for being “codependent” or wherever but if jack ever met a girl he wanted to spend more than one night with, he’d understand luke’s frustration.

even then, he’s not really sure jack would understand the extent of how much luke was missing her. they’ve known each other practically their entire lives and haven’t gone without seeing each other for more than three weeks max since grade 9. long distance fucking sucked, and he definitely wasn’t built for it. but he didn’t even feel like he could tell her that, because violet was a pro at just about anything she set her mind to, long distance included.

their phone calls were always filled with everything she’s been up to from classes, to dance, to coaching dance, to the big win the guys pulled off against ohio and the party afterwards. if she didn’t tell him that she missed him about 20 times during the call, he wouldn’t be able to tell that she does, probably because she’s so busy and she doesn’t even realize how much time passes before they see each other again. but luke’s busy too, and it still feels like forever for him.

sometimes it felt like she had this whole other life in michigan that he just wasn’t apart of anymore and you would think since this is their second year of long distance they would be at least a little used to it by now, but luke still gets chest pains just thinking about it.

“look guys I gotta go. I honestly don’t think I can swing it but I’ll think about it okay. just don’t get your hopes up,” violet says and all three guys nod

“even if you can’t swing the vancouver game, come to one of the home games soon then. s’a lot closer than van. i’ll fly you in myself, miss you,” jack mumbles, and violet smiles at him. her and jack had grown closer this past summer (if that was even possible) and she had missed him almost as much as her boyfriend these last few weeks.

“miss you too jacky,” violet replies and luke leans forward, reaching to grab the laptop and perching it on his lap so only he’s in the camera, despite the other two guys still sitting next to him

“okay baby. i’ll talk to you soon yeah? probably wednesday when we’re with quinn. i’m sure he’d love to say hi. i love you, get some rest,” luke says, heart squeezing when violet leans forward and kisses the camera

“miss you so much lu. and I love you so so much. i’ll text you tonight okay?” she greets, ending the call when luke nods in response.

“man I don’t know if I liked it more when you guys were oblivious to how in love you were or now that you’re so obvious about it,” jack states, fake gagging and their captain lets out a chuckle

“what was the story of you guys in high school and college anyway? i’ve heard a lot of things. . .” nico says and luke frowns at him

“heard a lot of things from who?” he asks, wondering whose been going around taking about his relationship.

“sheamo mostly. some of the guys have been asking him what you were like in college,” nico says and luke shrugs

“not much to tell really. we’re childhood friends, caught feelings, got together,” luke says and jack scoffs

“sure. you’re missing the 5 or 6 years where you guys were silently pining for one another just because you wouldn’t admit you had feelings,” jack says and luke sighs, rolling his eyes at his brother and getting up from the couch as jack begins to tell nico all the details he knows, not in the mood to stroll down memory lane on how long it took him and vi to pull their heads out of their asses.

“swear hockey players gossip more than the old ladies at grandmas weekly book club,” luke mutters, making his way to his room, planning to look at the calendar and arrange a time to fly his girl out.

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

Round 4 Match 4

propaganda below the cut! (massive wall of text warning)

Miki Berenyi:

"shes the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. her hair is amazing and she's just gorgeous idk what else to say or how to fathom her beauty"

"I met miki berenyi a few weeks ago and shes the coolest and nicest person I've ever met so down to earth and nice and lovely which imo makes her incredibly hot"

"Founding mother of Shoegaze"

"I want to hold miki so tenderly and tell her jokes that make her laugh like we’re childhood friends and have a sleepover where we do each others makeup and then fuck so nasty the neighbors get alarmed and debate with each other whether or not to call the cops"

Brian Molko:

"Gender"

"IM GOING TO EAT HER. He is soooo beautiful and freakish and small and weird and girlfriend and tiny like a little princess bug fairy. Literally gorgeous she has to win"

"When he flipped over the table with the little limp wrist.... someone find the video"

"1998 woman of the year"

"Brian Molko is peak gender envy, gender bending and being yourself without caring about other people's opinion, on top of all that he is a great guitarist that writes amazing songs"

"Brian’s gonna win this. I think we all kinda know that."

"Tumblrinas would be nothing without Brian molko"

"Kills her kills her kills her kills her kills her kills him kills her. He's my everything <3"

"He came 10th in the list of hottest women sometimes in the 90s. Gender goals."

"No one in the world can sound so nasal and look so angelic....."

"don't you wish you had his gender"

"Single-handedly took my gender by the scruff of the neck and threw it in a washing machine at full speed. He talked about not expecting to "get away with" passing as a woman to the degree that he did when he started purposely presenting feminine. He talked about the importance to fuck with people's heads through his appearance and behaviour, the importance of ambiguity. About how being in the band allowed him to do stuff he couldn't have done otherwise, to exaggerate some of his traits. He had the fuck ass bob makeup nail polish dresses stuff down, but not in an overly sophisticated way, especially in the early career 90s days the vibe was more shabby punk rock chick. Also he fantasized about being in an all-girl band called Skirt and playing guitar and singing backing vocals in drag. According to a 1997 melody maker interview bandmate steve hewitt called him "the most confused woman he's ever known". And if you go down that rabbit hole there's just more of this. Lots of material to focus on if you like genderweird bisexual unclean libertines (song ref) who will just say Anything in interviews. It's fun."

"I've drawn him as saints and martyrs such as saint sebastian and joan of arc. Or all bloody lying in a wet alley after being thrown out of a club. Or unconscious on a snowy road. Or dying in a glue trap. Or shocked after seeing a dead body. Also as a nun and as rose mcgowan in the doom generation. This is because I'm normal."

"She's a sick little angel faced freak. My theythem girlboy queen. He reminds me of an ant. He's like 5 foot 4 or something. My goth girl boyfriend. <3"

[danepopfrippery]

Ive been thinking (drinking) and i think overall the biggest hit to me personally was Izzy, as a disabled person, found love and acceptance he had shunned before.

Do you know how rare that is for disabled/chronically ill ppl?! We usually lose our partners, our families think we’re faking or being a nuisance, friends disappear, etc.

I always felt so accepted in the ofmd community til too god damned many ppl started up w ‘izzy deserved to be disabled’ girl by that logic ed shouldve lost his head. Physically.

Do u know how many obnoxious christians love to tell us we did something to deserve to be disabled? (My hoar mother told me i have ra cuz i dont pray to jesus, said 6 years into having it and she told others but now claims she never did the lying bitch).

Im sure ive been a lil rat bastard in my lifetime but the fact trumps still walking and winning tells u everything u need to know about pain = cuz ur bad somehow.

Ofmd gave it to me…then took it away. Destroyed me. My safe place is gone. Dont worry ill shut up soon

[kitmoas]

Counterparts and Countermoves

Summary: A dynamic that lies upon a shaky foundation can only crumble, but it's the actions during an earthquake that matter most

Pairing: Wanda x Kate | Natasha x Reader | Wandanat x Reader x Kate

Word Count: 11.6k

Warnings: Angsty angst!, vague mentions/recalling of abuse (physical and sexual), mentions of death, Mommy/Daddy kink, dubious consent (plays with cnc vibes), strap on use (r and kate receiving) , cum filled strap, breeding kink, magic use/play, magical marks

*As usual, if I forgot anything let me know!*

A/N: OKAY so this took a long time, but we have come to probably one of the most important parts of this universe. I know it's been a while but if anyone remembers Comic Non who basically guessed a lot, THIS is the chapter that is going to talk about some of the things we discussed!

I JUST finished this, so if there are a lot of mistakes...im sorry please dont come for me

***MINORS DNI*** ***18+***

Training Grounds Masterlist

It wasn’t often that the sun rose before them, the two women almost always hours into their day by the time the rest of the world even began waking up. Today was different, soft music playing in the background while Wanda reads and Natasha writes in a journal. The warmth of sleep still lingers in the bed sheets that stretch across their legs. 

A frustrated grunt breaks the serene atmosphere, shattering the naively happy scene. The ginger’s heavy handed scratches against the paper continued to drill against the witch’s ears, picking at her nerves. “If you no longer want to enjoy the silence, can you just get out?” The brunette’s voice was sharp, annoyance obvious. 

The moment Natasha rips paper out of her journal, throwing the now crumbled up ball across the room, Wanda rolls her eyes. “Oh now we’re going to throw a tantrum? What are you? Three years old?” The witch calmly puts her bookmark into place, letting her magic settle the book across the room on the table. 

Her eyebrow twitches when she hears her counterpart scoff, tilting her head waiting for her next complaint. “You’re the one who can’t control her damn emotions! I thought we got past the emotionally fragile chaos or do I need to train you again?” The normally calm, level headed demeanor of the widow is gone instead replaced with snark and sarcasm. “I thought you were over the emo teenage phase.” 

“Oh please, you couldn’t train me if you even tried. Don’t forget who always ends up begging to be used.” The arrogant look on the brunette’s face ticks at Natasha’s nerves, cutting deeper than it should have. “You may be daddy but we both know Mommy is in control in this house. Isn’t that right, my little Natsy?” Wanda calmly leans back, clasping her hands in her lap as she waits for a response. A small polite smile painted on her face, scrunching her nose as she watches the ginger stumble for a retort. 

Natasha’s jaw clenches, her teeth grinding as she just glares at the younger girl. She stands from the bed, crossing to the small dry bar in the corner of the room. Grabbing a bottle of beer the ginger just leans against the counter as she sips, “When everything falls apart, and you’re the cause, don’t expect me to be there. I am telling you, right now for the last time, do not let your emotions win. This has been your issue since you came here, since we met. I have been there for every single time, good or bad, but I will not be able to look past it if you don’t listen to me this time. This isn’t about you anymore Wanda, don’t make it about you.” 

The younger Avenger’s face is completely blank as she stares across the room, her eyes unfocused and emotionless. “And when you lose it all, everything, it won’t be me who falls apart. It won’t be the world or the situation, no. Natalia, my love, it’s going to be you. You will fall apart and you won’t have anyone to pick you up, no one to go to. Maybe I’ll be the cause, but you’ll be the only one dealing with a negative effect.” Before the Russian can even react the witch dissipates into scarlet mist, her infamous head tilt sullen void of all viciousness. 

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“We shouldn’t have split up! I told you!” The young boy’s voice cracks as he stands behind the couch, flailing his arms around. 

Your focus doesn’t waver, even as he screams and panics, eyes stuck on your part of the screen. You knew that at least three of the last players were near you, the others scattered across the rest of the map. “You’re just mad that you died and can’t come back.” 

Not a single sound has come from the blonde next to you, eyes focused and breath hitched as she waits. “Peter, how is it that you are an Avenger when you cannot handle a simple video game?” While you play up close, chaotic and all over the map; you know that Yelena has taken out at least one person that was on your tail from where she is hidden on the hillside. “Circle is closing in, three at six only one with a mask.” 

It was your normal take down; you were in charge of taking the mask down by a surprise attack while your best friend would be sniping down the last players. Breath was baited across the three of you, knowing this was the end of a tournament and this would win it for you. The focus was so intense that even though none of you were making a single sound, no one noticed the elevator dinging and Natasha walking in swinging her car keys. 

The ginger stands back, amusement filling her body as she watches the three of you jump up excitedly when the screen displays your victory. When your eyes catch her shiny leather jacket, your entire demeanor shifts. Jumping over the couch you just barely manage to stay on your feet as you fall into the widow’s arms. “Daddy! You’re here?” She was supposed to be spending the day with Wanda, and you had planned to spend the entire day playing in Call of Duty tournaments. 

Yelena is shoving you to the side, shoving her face against her sister’s shoulder and curling into her side. “Please say you are not only here for your toy.” The white widow looks up at her sister, a small pout on her lips. “You’re gonna stay at least for a little, right?” 

Peter hangs down from the ceiling, holding out a bowl of chips with a hopeful face. “Yeah Ms. Widow, please hang out with us for a little bit at least. We have an extra controller.” The three of you start tugging on her shirt, trying to get her to sit down on the couch. Pleading and prodding until she finally laughs and gives in. 

Yelena and Peter are trying to argue over how to teach the older widow how to play, while she just pulls you closer to her. “Hello my девочка, have you been having a good day?” Before you can even answer, she’s pulling you into a kiss. It’s soft and sweet, but she’s pulling away before you can really enjoy it. A boop to your nose is her attempt to shush you as the youngest spider in the room finally screeches out in his victory. 

He tosses your controller in your lap and quickly sets up a web above the three of you so that you and Yelena can cuddle into Nat while you all play. “Okay Ms. Widow, we’re going to be playing on my terms! We all stay together and protect each other.” 

For the next few hours the four of them yell and scream, playing round after round of CoD, and letting the ginger’s mind be distracted a little while. 

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The stairs up to your apartment are always brutal when the raven haired girl was so exhausted, sore and just entirely over the day. She had spent the entire day before on a mission that Clint gave her, one that was still following him even into his days of retirement. Excited to crawl into your bed, she knew that Lucky would be lounging there as well–warming the blankets for her. 

The front door is heavy as the archer puts her entire weight into opening it, a relieved sigh as she finally leans against it as it clicks shut. When the lovable golden doesn’t come running, Kate’s eyes finally open. Flinching in her spot on the ground when she sees Wanda, sitting with her legs crossed staring at her. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know you were going to be here. I was just going to take a bit to relax somewhere that was quiet.” 

The archer sees Lucky curled up next to the witch, completely passed out and snoring gently. Watching as the older woman curls in on herself, wrapping her arms around her body like armor, Kate wants to reach out but stops herself in a moment of doubt. “It’s alright I wasn’t really meant to be here either, I just didn’t know where to go.” The two sit there in silence for a while, awkward and heavy as they avoid eye contact as well. 

Getting up from her spot on the floor shakes the atmosphere, waking up the retriever as well. Pointedly glaring at the floor as she crosses to the kitchen, Kate takes her time pouring a drink and taking small sips from the glass. Licking at her lips, the young girl tries to figure out what to say to break the tense atmosphere. “I could go for a snack, want to join?” 

Wanda’s furrowed brows flinch, almost like she forgot the other girl was there while she got lost in thought. Stuttering, a moment of weakness that she lets slip through her normal stoic shield shocks her counterpart but the Sokovian is nodding and standing quickly. “I need to run a few errands anyways, would you join me?” 

It’s obvious that the two don’t know how to spend time alone together, needing some sort of distraction the two quickly jump at the chance to fill their unexpected time together with stores and whatever random food they can find during their trip.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Curled up on the ginger’s lap, snacking on the bowl of popcorn you were incredibly happy to see the opening credits of Wall-E. The others left after being called to training, so you were just getting some lazy attention from your daddy. Groping at your body, it was just enough for you to feel squirmy but not enough to fully take your attention away from one of your favorite movies. 

The two of you enjoyed the movie mostly in silence for almost thirty minutes, by that point in the movie Natasha had gotten bored of not having your focus so she seemingly was letting you enjoy the film. Your eyes are scanning the television in front of you, watching as M-O goes rolling by. You can’t help it as a little happy squeal leaves your mouth at seeing the little cleaning bot, your favorite. 

You aren’t sure if it was the sound you made or the little wiggle but it breaks whatever self control the ginger had. The bowl of popcorn is set aside, just out of reach of your slightly shiny buttered fingers and a pout makes its way onto your face. You aren’t given any time to truly complain before the widow has her hand wrapped around your throat, the free one shoving its way down your pants. It’s fast and rough, and with all the popcorn and soda you have had you feel gross. This wasn’t what you thought the night would be like, and you weren’t sure that your self esteem was up for it either. 

Squirming, you just barely plop off the side of the Russian’s lap and you try to roll away but her calloused hands grip your hips. “Daddy what are you doing, no we were watching the movie!” You try to sound stern but your voice is already too squeaky and whiny. There was a time and a place for this, and you were not in the mood for your movie time to be interrupted. 

The loud tearing of your pants makes the tantrum that is brewing begin to rapidly boil over, your feet kicking and your arms flailing as you try to get away from your normally soft daddy. “Daddy no! My pants!” You stretch, a feeble attempt at grasping for the torn pieces of fabric slipping down your legs. 

Despite your efforts and your reluctance, none of it matters against the infamous widow’s strength. She easily flips the two of you over, your face smooshing into the couch right next to your bowl of popcorn. You can feel her between your legs, her finger grazing your clit makes your hips jump. Your body is already betraying you as you feel wetness start to grow between your thighs, but you can’t help the anger fueling your actions. 

Natasha has you spread out, kneeling between your legs as she forces two fingers into you. She knows it isn’t soft, and though you are wet she knows you aren’t necessarily in the mood. The knowledge that it doesn’t matter, that you are getting something out of this urges her to continue; to get what she needs so that the rest of the day isn’t horrible. Each aggressive shove into the couch makes her flinch, but at the same time the widow can feel her anger from earlier in the day melting away. 

The pain of her fingers moving inside you is almost too much, just barely staying on the pleasure side. No matter how wet you are, how your body reacts, you miserably look up at your movie and popcorn. “Daddy please stop. The movie is still going and my snack is gonna spill! Please wait!” Shoving at the hand that’s between your thighs is a lot of work, trying to get her to pull out. 

A hand in your hair yanks you up, teeth biting into the side of your neck. “What’s a slut like you caring about a stupid bowl of treats for? You should be grateful I even let you have a handful of it.” Her voice is sharp, anger seeping into your bones as she speaks against your ear. She lets her thumb swipe against your throbbing clit, a dark chuckle at how hard it is. “If you care so much about your beloved popcorn, have some.” Before you can even really react, the ginger is shoving your face into the bowl. 

You had to be grateful that this was just a snack and not some sort of liquid, but it didn’t stop you from flailing around as if you were going to drown. The screaming claws at your throat were muffled, despite the rawness they were causing. Even when your fist finally collides with her arm, Natasha doesn’t stop. If anything it makes her slip a third finger inside you, stretching you more and spitting on your red puffy cunt. 

The force that the widow is fucking you is brutal, all her strength and training coming in handy as she fucks into you. It’s something that you aren’t prepared for with the ginger, usually she is much softer and loving, but you couldn’t deny that this was a huge turnon even as your body struggled to take what she was giving you. “I don’t care how much you cry and beg me to stop, all you are is a slutty little hole for Daddy to use. Your tears are doing nothing but turning me on more and making your popcorn all soggy.” 

Dangling from the edge was normal for you, it was something that each one of your partners always liked to do. They said you looked pretty when you were desperate, but this seemed different. You weren’t sure what it was about but you knew that you weren’t in for an easy time tonight. 

Natasha’s hand tangles in your hair and you internally cheer, thinking that you’re going to get reprise from salt and butter filling your senses, but instead she uses her grip on you to shove your face deeper into the bowl. The plastic rim digs into your neck, almost like a mock collar and you wish you could say that it wasn’t helping you drip around the fingers that are forcing their way into you. 

“Don’t worry, princess, Daddy won’t ruin you too much. We all know you would whine to your Mommy too much, and I would prefer if she would just keep her mouth shut.” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The young brunette spins around, holding two smoothies, looking around a bit before spotting the witch leaning against a lamppost. She takes the moment to watch her, Wanda’s face morphing into an obfuscated guise as she watches a couple play with their two children. The older woman had been having dreams of two little boys for the past few weeks, her dream of starting a family with someone still very far off. 

Silence is heavy between the two, their usual buffers aren’t around. Even as they sip their drinks and walk around the park, the two don’t speak. The birds and distant conversation as they pass others fill the air, but there’s a tenseness that even confuses the witch. The thoughts of everyone around her are strong and loud, making it difficult for her to casually hear whatever the archer is thinking. It isn’t until she catches a glimpse of Kate flinching as they pass a couple joggers that she steps up to take control, directing them down a small path to a more private area. Happy to see a bench in a far corner, shade leaking over it from a few trees.  

Wanda pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, playing with the straw, after the two settle on the wooden seat. She knows that she needs to do something, soothe the anxiety that is radiating from the archer’s thoughts. It wasn’t something that she was used to, the two of them only having a few deeper moments but this one felt different—unknown. She can see the younger girl getting stuck in her head, the glossy unfocused look in her eyes is a dead giveaway as she mindlessly watches the clouds roll by. 

“You know, the world used to be really small as a kid. School, archery practice, martial arts days, whatever sport I was playing at the time, and friends. My life barely left the city, and even then it only left the state for vacations and tournaments. I know my life has always come with privilege and ease especially when compared to others on the Avengers. I was a rich kid who just so happened to lose their father. I know a lot of the rest of the agents and everyone might look at me and think I’m stupid and reckless. I know you look at me like I’m stupid and reckless. My father was stupid and reckless, and I loved him for that. He was everything my mother couldn’t be throughout the rest of my childhood and teenage years.” It’s a slow story, long pauses at the end of each sentence as Kate gathers her thoughts. This isn’t something that the witch asked for, and it wasn’t anything she had been expecting but she wasn’t going to stop the younger girl if she was ready to open up.

“My father was a good man, he was, but he wanted to keep a lifestyle for me that apparently we couldn’t keep while his company was failing. Bishop Security wasn’t the first company in the family. It was some firm, dealing with technology but it was going under. He almost lost the entire family fortune, but then the battle happened.” Wanda tried her best to not truly focus on the archer as she spoke, only nodding and giving quiet hums as warranted throughout. She knew that the younger girl despised eye contact, and never truly wanted to be the center of attention when her walls were crumbling around her. 

“I spent months thinking that there was no way things could get better. How could it? I lost my dad, the man that spent his entire life thinking about me and how to make me happy. How can things get better when your family loses the glue that held it together?” The New Yorker’s voice cracked with each word, emotions building and swirling in her stomach as she tries her best to just get through this part of her life. It wasn’t something that she loved to talk about, and she hates that it is such a big part of who she is. Each word, each thought, was like a small knife slowly digging into each healed scar and reopening them. 

“They were his best friends. The closest thing to family that my father actually loved outside mome and me. He would rave about them at all times, and they would spend vacations with us. The two of them were practically my uncles. They would attend family functions with us, and half the time I saw them more than I saw my actual family. Everyone knew that my father would have wanted them to take care of my mother and I. Keeping an eye on us, making sure we got back on our feet.” Risking a moment to look up at the other girl when her voice trails off, Wanda can see the completely empty distant look in her eyes. It’s almost like Kate no longer exists, just a shell of herself, as she stares unblinking at a random building. The witch desperately wants to peek into her mind, fast forward and find a way to comfort her properly with each word she says, but the boundary that is always between the two still exists. Even as every other wall comes tumbling down, and the archer is being so vulnerable, she still keeps up the barrier she built between herself and Wanda. 

“It was a beautifully tragic situation really, almost like something in a documentary. They were supposed to protect me, my father trusted them with me. Why would my mother even suspect anything is wrong, especially when I didn’t even realize what was happening at first.” It’s almost like Kate doesn’t believe it still, her own life and past proof of everything. The naivety of a stolen childhood sinking into the situation truly shows how hard the girl’s brain worked to mask the pain she went through. 

“It was only one of them for a little bit, they would go back and forth. Their little game and for so long all I craved was love. They told me…. it was love, I believed them.” Kate laughs, it’s dry and pathetic, but she still refuses to meet the older woman’s gaze. Even with the heavy silence hanging between the two, birds chirping and the distant sounds of the city around them, Wanda can’t bring herself to say anything yet. 

“When it was both of them, it felt…different. They were angry and less loving, and that’s when I realized I don’t think they knew what love was. If this game, this thing, was love then it scared me. I didn’t want love if that’s what it was. I wanted to tell someone, but I couldn’t. Every single time I opened my mouth I was frozen in fear because I realized if I told someone they would go away.” Wanda watches the longer Kate talks the more she curls in on herself, even lifting her feet from the ground to shield her body with her legs. Sinking into her own body gave a physical barrier, makeshift armor even against the thoughts inside her own head that attacked her daily. 

“The two people who reminded me so much of my dad would be gone forever. They were my favorite people in every moment but those. How could it be bad if they were so amazing in every other second of my life? Maybe I was the issue? Maybe I needed to be better or more well behaved during those times? Maybe if I was less scared during our game then it wouldn’t hurt as much and I could keep our little secret?” The witch could feel her anger rising, the chaos shaking under her skin. This wasn’t something she ever wanted to hear, a story that she never wanted to learn. Control she fought to have, over herself and everyone in her life, stripped before she even had the chance to assert it over the archer. Her control was her protection wrapped around the ones she loves, a shield that keeps them from harm even when she cannot be there. 

“For years I tried to convince myself that they loved me, I didn’t understand it because I was too young. Each time I felt unsafe, I threw myself farther into sports–martial arts, fencing, boxing, anything that made me feel powerful. I would become stronger physically and one day when they made me feel unsafe, maybe just maybe, I could fight them. I never could. I was too weak, too petrified as soon as they looked at me. It was their eyes, something about them was so cold. They were never like that during the day, gorgeous sparkling eyes that welcomed everyone but they were empty and lifeless when we were alone. They boiled over in almost mindless anger every time we played their game, and it made me feel so small and young.” It’s almost like you can see the way the archer’s twitch, muscles screaming to move. Memories of movements, of self preservation and protection, spreading down her body. 

“I hadn’t realized my mother came home early. They had me in the middle of the living room playing that day. I didn’t even hear her walk in or walk out. She didn’t say a word but the next day they were gone. Years of fear and shame, hating myself for letting it happen, seemingly ending overnight. We never spoke of it, not until a year later when I was named the youngest multi-sport Olympian at sixteen. She looked at me as that confetti came down during the celebration with such pride, but something wasn’t right.” Kate pauses, her eyes unfocused as she stares determinedly at the walkway in front of her. Her throat bobs, swallowing down whatever was coming next as she mentally prepares herself for the next apex of her life. 

“Did you want it to happen?” The younger brunette scoffs loudly, the first sign of anger since the beginning. “Somewhere in that head of hers she struggled to think that these two guys who were such big parts of our family could hurt me, and instead pushed it onto me. Why would I want that? Why?! Huh!? Tell me why in the hell a little kid would want someone to touch them that way? To even think of them that way?” Wanda flinches at the pure hatred dripping from the archer’s tongue, her emotions and thoughts like flying knives through the air that strike the witch’s heart. 

“The start of our strained relationship really, she loved me still but something broke between us that day. I started getting more and more into archery and doing things that I guess she didn’t like, and she was…getting more involved in her things as well. She was never really an affectionate person but I think I was so aggressively growing into my father’s personality, and that scared her. I leaned into the one true love I knew and it ended up with me learning his confident, arrogant ways.” The young girl’s lips quirk up a bit, a sly smirk appearing momentarily on her face. The first flash of the daily shine in her eyes since the beginning of the conversation, and it sinks into Wanda’s mind that it wasn’t who the young girl was. That shine, the rebellious smirk, and playboy stance was all a nod to the father that left her all alone–a last ditch effort at grasping for even a resemblance of identity. 

“I didn’t know who I was for so long. I was just hiding that part of me from the world.” Wanda watches as the glazed look in the young girl’s eyes comes back, jaw slack as she tries to find the words she’s looking for. “It felt like…I wasn’t damaged but hollow. In moments of silence I couldn’t stop thinking about them, their words and their hands on me. In moments of nothing, they were all I had and it was haunting. No one noticed, I mean how could they know? I was still doing what I do best, thriving in the public eye. I won competitions, rose in ranks, collected awards and medals. Under the entirely fake mask, I was drowning. I couldn’t understand what to be, who to be, or what the world was.” Her sentence trails off, her eyes fluttering around as they hop from each animal around. The hush settles around the archer’s shoulders, a subtle darkness pushing her into herself. Even though her face stays unreadable, it’s her eyes that give her away. Ocean eyes where the waves crash violently against one another, angry and desperately trying to drown any other emotions; but failing as tranquil tears blurs her vision. 

“It….It’s so exhausting being in my mind.” Kate’s voice wavers, breaking under the emotion clawing up her throat. “ I get most people aren’t comfortable in their own skin, nor are they really happy with themselves but I just.. I want to feel content with at least being me. But I hate it. I despise who I am, or at least who I remember being. Imagine that, I hate a rich little kid. A happy go lucky girl that was crazy and ambitious is my worst enemy. Something that most people wish for, I wish she would have just died. I hate her because that’s the last time I remember knowing who I was fully. Now I’m stuck behind a facade because it’s less tiring than being a shattered version of a failed human.” The sounds of children laughing and playing, and dogs barking, interrupt as the CEO takes a shaky breath in–almost a cruel irony. 

“The mask became protection, a way to forget all the issues but being me… I didn’t know how to do that easily even by the time I made it to college. I was this shining light in New York, and in the country, but… I don’t even think I.. I couldn’t even feel happiness. Inside I felt so small and I couldn’t stop hearing every single word they ever said to me, and I would get so confused and broken because it still didn’t make sense to me.” Shakily, Wanda reaches out to gently tangle her fingers together with Kate’s. Thumb rubbing against the back of her hand, the witch tries to give any ounce of comfort she can. She watches as a tear rolls down the archer’s cheek, and in that moment she realizes just how gorgeous her eyes are. Foggy ocean blue, filled with viscous waves, red rimmed and unfocused. 

“Love still didn’t make sense to me. My mom loves me and maybe a few family members, but was that really love or was that obligation? Were those four years of my life, four years playing a nefarious game, really the type of love that I deserved? Is that the love that I was destined to carry with me for the rest of my life?” Nodding, a wet anger shakes the young CEO’s voice as she holds herself together seemingly by an invisible tattered string. “I let that be true, letting anyone use me. My body became my best friend, something that got me whatever I wanted whenever I slipped off my clothing. An empty shell of who I could’ve been stripped down, exposed, to whoever wanted me that way. It was easier than getting close because how can I get close to someone if I don’t even know the person that they would be getting close to?” 

The next pause was long, the older woman wouldn’t even be able to tell you how much time passed as she waited for the younger girl to speak again. Distant traffic sounds the only true thing that she could focus on, the rest of the park mostly cleared out at the moment. Her voice, when it finally does come back, is strong and true. The most confident it has been the entire day, and she could even see the difference in how her body relaxes. “You know…they saved me. I thought I was destined to be just some random guy’s bored housewife that was only around for their body and money. Falling in love with them was the best thing ever, and I work every single day to be a better person so that I never hold them back. I want to make sure that they thrive, and do amazing things, and I just get to be there while it all happens. They are my home, where my heart finds the most comfort.” Wanda’s breath hitches, an ache in her chest as she sits back and listens to the way Kate speaks about you. It wasn’t necessarily the words she spoke, things the witch had heard before, but it was the tone and conviction that the archer had that stopped her heart in her chest. 

“I know, Toy is yours. I do, but sometimes I have this horrible wish that I met them first. It isn’t because I don’t want you guys in the picture because I don’t think I can imagine Toy without you guys, or life really without this dynamic now. I just…if i met them first..maybe I would matter more..?” Kate’s voice cracks, trailing off as tears fall. “I know I don’t have many appealing qualities, and that I make life just that much more difficult but maybe if we met earlier…maybe you could have fixed me. I know I’m not enough by myself, but maybe if I had more time with Toy I could have matured enough that you guys would like me more. Maybe..I don’t know.. Maybe the dynamic would be better? Somehow? I’m just…I’m trying my hardest to just be someone…something you want. I want to be perfect or as close I can get to it for you, then maybe you’ll love me and want me even just a fraction of how much you care for Toy.” The insecurities bubbled up, spilling over as the archer rambled on. 

Wanda waits, letting those last words hang in the air. The two were never good at the whole relationship side of the dynamic, something that always seemingly was left to their counterparts. It was dawning on the witch that maybe the two of them were more similar than she could have ever realized, the younger girl just a shell of who she could be covered in a well made coat of armor. “You know, Mongrel, maybe you really aren’t that bad. Maybe the dramatics that I’ve been told I’m famous for really shined through with you, and I let it take over too much. I’m pretty happy that Toy brought you home to us.”

Cloudy cobalt eyes snap up, heartbreakingly naive shock spreading across her face as she tries to gauge if Wanda is teasing her. “....I’m home…?” 

“Yes..” Wanda hesitates, unsure of what to call the young archer. Her first name is almost foreign along her lips. “...Kate. I know things seem rocky and unnerving but you are more than enough for both Natasha and I. No matter our relationship with Toy, that doesn’t interfere with the foundation that we are trying to build with you. You don’t need fixing, maybe a little bit of training but it’s not because you’re broken or bring the dynamic down. We don’t want to take away who you are, маленький бродяга, because even if you don’t see who you are we can. Natasha and I are just working to help you shine, polish you up a bit, and help you focus so that you can continue to grow and thrive. We want you to be the you that you want in your dreams, but you’re enough now. You’re worth every moment of happiness, irritation, laughter, sorrow. I hear your thoughts, pretty girl, every day and I see the spark inside of you. It’s hidden behind walls and obstacles, and life hasn’t been nice to you, but I see it and at the end of the day I want that small flame to blaze. Set fire to the world because that’s what you remind me of. A strong roaring fire that truly could be an unstoppable force, and to be a part of that journey is an honor. To even be part of your life, even if it ends up being temporary is an honor. For as long as you’ll have us, have me, you are at home with us Kate.”  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were wiggling in your spot on the counter, watching Natasha cut up different veggies and fruits. Sipping on the juice box she handed you, the little flaps poking out to act as handles, you were excited for Wanda and Kate to get home. The events that caused the day to derail were still unknown to you, but hopefully your idea of a picnic would help everyone come back together and just feel happy. You knew that at the very least Mommy would be happy that you picked out healthy snacks, and at the very least you’ll watch your girlfriend adorably crunch on things. 

It’s a quick tickle, fingers digging into your side, that pulls you from your thoughts. She’s handing you a carrot stick, raised eyebrow as she waits for you to complain but you surprise her by happily taking it. The sound of soft crunch accompanies the quiet chopping, your eyes glued to make sure the ginger cuts out all the correct shapes as she finally switches over to the fruit. Smiling you watch her tongue poke out, her forest green eyes focused on the small cuts she has to make. The widow for some reason was against just getting little cookie cutters, but you enjoyed watching her work. 

The front door clicking closed catches your attention, and you’re happy that the blanket fort is already set up. As you snack on a heart shaped piece of watermelon you watch as the other half of your dynamic walks into the kitchen, fingers tangled together. Deciding to not mention it, in fear that they would shy away, you instead just wiggle in your spot. “Mommy! Katie!” Jumping off of the counter, you slip slightly on the tile flooring. Your girlfriend’s hand catches you, and you feel magic wrapping around your torso. 

“Some things never change, do they little brat?” Flushing with embarrassment at Wanda’s tone you shove yourself into the archer’s side, hiding your face against her shoulder. Kate’s body wiggles as she laughs silently, letting you dig your way deeper into her arms. “It looks like you guys have been busy.” The witch takes note of the light bruises already forming on your arms and around your neck, but points to the living room and the tray of fruit the widow is preparing. 

The oldest barely pay attention as they lock eyes, a silent conversation between the two. If you were to stop rambling, excited as you bounce on your toes, the intensity would be obvious but you were too eager to tell your girlfriend all about your day. Twin emerald souls fighting for dominance in a moment that only ends with the ginger rolling her eyes, a testy glare painted across her face as she yields to her more stubborn counterpart. The silent argument comes to an end when you finally catch on, a determined pout stretching across your face. 

Reaching out you’re able to hook your fingers into the crook of Wanda’s elbow, pulling her attention to you. An attempt to mask the poked out bottom lip is made but you know by the glare you receive that you failed, but she lets it slide when you start tugging her towards the living room. “Daddy and I set up everything and I even asked for healthy snacks!” You can feel how tense the witch is, the tension in the room is building and even with your back turned it’s like a weight slamming against you. 

Looking up at Kate, you can see her eyes are a bit unfocused and distant. Even though the shining glint is there something is dimming the light in her, you can tell a largely dramatic event happened earlier in the day. Completely unsure of what is happening, you can feel the insecurities starting to rise but the pressure to somehow fix it starts clawing at your throat. Swallowing down your own feelings, you let your eyes slam shut as you plop down onto the blankets laid out on the floor. Taking a deep breath in, you try to shake the worries from your body as you can feel the others settle around you. 

It’s almost like clock work, barely registering in your mind as you let all your random thoughts that are in your mind drain out through your mouth. Rambling and allowing pent up energy to just mindlessly happen. When Nat finally interrupts you, shoving a fruit kabob into your hand, it shocks you. Hyperfocusing on the different shapes you zone out, even as you are being moved you just nibble at the star shaped apple piece. 

Soft kisses along your shoulders, and a gentle hand rubbing up your side, shakes you. “There’s my gorgeous little one, where’d your mind go?” Her voice is gentle, lips moving against your ear. The other half of your group is wrestling over the biggest piece of watermelon, and you can’t help but half-hearted snort. Wrapping your fingers around the older woman’s wrist, you trace along her skin and just lightly shake your head. 

Bumping your temple gently against Wanda’s, the two of you settle back as you watch Natasha and Kate roll around. It doesn’t take long for one of them to kiss the other, messy and harsh. It’s almost the exact opposite of the touches that are being left on your body, the witch letting her fingertips do all the work. You can’t quite tell if it’s magical or if it’s actually her, but it’s leaving you panting. “You like watching them, pretty girl?” It’s a question that needs no real answer, she knows the answer. It’s a distraction now, a thing for Wanda to focus on so that she can ignore the gnawing feel in her stomach. 

Even as her teasing touch spreads across your body, and you begin wiggling at the sight of the other two, the older woman pushes the forgotten apple star to your mouth. “Don’t go wasting any food, little one.” Mindlessly you nibble on the piece of fruit, obedient even as your mind fixates on the dull throbbing between your thighs. You can see in the corner of your eyes a scarlet mist, floating through the air slowly. It feels warm against your skin and you try your hardest to not make the chaos controller angry, swallowing the last bite down at the first sound of Kate moaning across from you. 

Her face is shoved into the pillows on the floor, hands behind her back and Natasha’s favorite strap filling her to the brim. You could see her torn pants thrown, and the bright red nail marks already raising along the porcelain skin. “She’s so pretty isn’t she, detka? All filled with your Daddy’s cock, though I bet your needy little pussy is aching to be full too.” Her thumb makes contact with your clit for the first time, and the chuckle she lets out against your temple makes you clench around nothing. “You’re so wet already, and no one has even touched you babygirl.” 

You can already feel your thighs shaking, exerting as much effort as possible to try and keep your legs open without being reprimanded. The feeling of Wanda playing with you is amazing, and it’s pulling you under the thrashing waves in your brain. The space she adores you in, and you know your eyes are glazing over with each word she speaks and each swipe of her thumb. The tingly feeling over your body spreads quickly, and you can feel yourself falling into the trap that she always sets for you. “Not so fast Toy, go over to those two for me. I’ll be there in a minute.” 

She’s pushing your body forward, urging the crawling before you can really register what is happening but Kate’s head is yanked up as you get closer. Her moans and whimpers loud now that they aren’t muffled, echoing in the small blanket fort. Oceans blue eyes are glazed over and for the first time there’s a different vibe to this half of the quad. “Look at the pretty Toy, lil mutt. Why don’t you ask if she wants you to play with her?” 

The shock is hard to hide when you realize that Nat isn’t being rough with your girlfriend, her tone is light–almost playful as she ruts into her. You had never really seen the two of them be gentle, but you couldn’t help but admire it. You barely remember to answer when Kate finally does ask you, a muttered yes as she pulls you to lay in front of her. Legs falling apart, spread out in front of her face, Kate’s eyes clear momentarily as she wiggles happily. 

Her first lick at you is hesitant, unsure without the permission of Natasha, but when no reprimanding comes about her tongue leaves more pressure. You so desperately want to keep your head up, watching as she struggles to focus between your thighs, but when she sucks your clit into her mouth your head slams back against the floor. “That’s such a good little mutt, wind up our precious toy.” 

Kate’s moans vibrate through your body, each snap of the ginger’s hips push both of you to the edge. The sloppy tongue lapping at you slips into you, the hand in her hair forcing her forward until the tip of her nose rubs up against your clit. You want to make fun of her, tease her just a little that she’s getting fucked so good that she can’t even focus on you. All thoughts go out the window when you make eye contact with her, the dark cobalt almost black eyes staring you down screaming a silent plea. 

The sight Wanda comes back to is something that she always finds magical, even more so than the type she controls. She loves watching her girls all in sync, desperate to get the other ones off.  It’s messy and it makes her chuckle, knowing the three of them are always just slightly lost without her there. Slipping behind Natasha, the witch lets her hands smooth up her stomach as it flexes. “Come on Natsy, you’re barely fucking your mutt. Something wrong?” 

The older Avenger grunts, trying to shake the hands off of her body to no avail. She knows she won’t be able to shove off the witch when she’s in this mood, so she just huffs and focuses on the way her hips snap into the archer. Watching her strap disappear into her wetness, a shiny gleam left behind. Seeing her cunt stretch around her cock is something that the Russian can never truly get over, a sight that not many get to see. Hearing the muffled whimpers as Kate tries her best to stay coherent enough to get you off is driving the older woman crazy, struggling to keep the atmosphere that is set for the scene. 

She knows something happened during her counterparts’ day out, the two came back entirely different, and while she had no idea what occurred she didn’t want to break the light bubble they created. She knew that the other three were having a blast, but she was scared that if she allowed herself to fall into the soft side of the world with the mutt that she wouldn’t be able to climb out of it at the end of the day. 

Wanda sighs, watching the ginger’s eyes glaze over as her movements go into autopilot. Knowing that the rest of the night can’t have Natasha in charge, she moves around the group. Pulling Kate’s face from your cunt with her magic, she chuckles when she sees the unfocused eyes and wet chin. “We’re moving this cute little nest upstairs, brace yourselves.” Reaching down to cradle your head, she winks at you before you all are magically transported up stairs. The lights floating above you now, and the blankets acting as curtains hiding you all from the rest of the world. 

You’re sitting between the witch’s legs, and if you wiggle just right you can feel your favorite strap rubbing against your ass. Kate is still bouncing with the gentle thrusts, and you can see the widow who is staring down at her. Wanda’s arm wraps around you, pulling you up enough for her to swipe the tip of her strap through your folds. “You’re going to be a good girl and grind on Mommy’s cock, and you’re little stray is going to put her tongue to work on your aching clit. How does that sound? I know you’re just so desperate to get off, little one.” With a curl of her finger, scarlet mist wraps around the archer’s neck pulling her forward until she is just out of reach of your pussy. 

Slowly, her hand on your hip guides you down the length of her cock. It’s always a bit of stretch no matter how many times she fucks you with it, and it makes you whine every single time. Pathetic and high pitched, your noises just makes Kate squirm; impatience setting in. 

Eyes flutter as you finally bottom out, the feeling of being full settling in your stomach makes you already start to feel all fuzzy. “Mommy…so full” Your voice is already slurred, the arousal that burned in your stomach while your girlfriend ate you out came back with a blazing vengeance quickly. Clenching around her cock made you whimper, pushing yourself closer to the edge accidentally. “Wanna cum please.” 

Wanda giggles, an almost too innocent sound right up against your ear. “Oh baby, I love how stupid you get when you’re filled with my cock. Just a mindless little toy anytime I fill you, and you wanna know the best part, my love?” You barely nod, head falling back against her shoulder. She moves your hips so that the head of her strap is rubbing against the soft spot inside of you. “Mommy is going to fill you with her cum, going to claim you and paint your walls with crimson so that no one else can ever touch you without my permission again.” 

Wanda wasn’t quite sure where the sudden possessiveness came from, maybe it was the deep fear that someone could lay their hands on you without being allowed to or maybe it was just the need to remind you that she owns you. She lets her nails drag heavily against the glowing mark on your ribs, smiling to herself when she sees her hips jump. Regardless she watches your wetness drip around her cock, leaving Kate to lick her lips as she struggles to not surge forward. Letting her free hand lay along your stomach, pressing gently, she smiles against your neck as you let out a feral moan. “Free, Stray.” 

Kate barely waits for the two words to fully leave Wanda’s mouth, rushing forward to lick around the strap. She moans against you, vibrations making your eyes roll back, as she gets another taste of you. Wrapping her lips around your clit, she looks up at your face as she sucks. Seeing you blissed out, eyes completely unfocused as you try to nod along with whatever the witch is whispering into your ear makes her own arousal skyrocket. With each snap of the ginger’s hips, she forces the young girl towards the edge and leaves her hanging. She knows that the witch probably wants the two of them to cum together so Natasha tries her hardest to not mess with the idea. 

It’s almost embarrassing how close you are so quickly, but you try to remind yourself that you are still overly sensitive from earlier that day. Your cunt still red, raw, and puffy from the abuse that it withstood from your Daddy. You try to remind yourself of these things when Wanda’s hand wraps around your throat, rings digging into your pulse point. Vision blurring as your moans and whimpers become incoherent, the only you can really focus on is how each mumbled word spoken into your ear is cracking the tense coil in your stomach. 

Your thighs are shaking and you can’t even tell if you’re actually moving anymore or if it’s the magic wrapped around you. Opening your mouth you try to beg for something, anything because you don’t want this night to end. Even if there is an underlying tenseness, you feel like something happened that changed the dynamic forever; something so amazing and you want to live in this moment forever. You know you can’t, your self control over your orgasm is long gone and you’re just holding on for dear life. Breathing is entirely too difficult, but that’s okay because you can feel every single thing. 

Wanda’s lips, a subtle smile as she talks you through everything. Her strap rubbing against the most sensitive part inside of you, and the coil shattering. Kate’s lips wrapped around your clit, her teeth grazing it every so often making your hips jump. Natasha’s hips brutally rutting into your girlfriend, with each thrust shoving her face up against you. It’s too much and tears quickly spill down your cheeks as you sob. Overwhelmed and stuck on the edge until you’re given permission, your frustration bubbles over and you know that it’s exactly what the witch wanted when she takes over for you. Her hips thrusting up into you, as her magic pushes the archer’s face away from you. “That’s it baby, let it all out. You’re gonna cum for Mommy right after she cums in you. Understand? You don’t have to ask.” 

Nodding aggressively, you aren’t even sure if she answers. Holding on for dear life, you can feel the older woman start to lose control and her hips are ramming into you with a force that makes your head flop around. The feeling of her cum shooting into you, flooding you with warmth, almost makes you lose control but it’s Kate reaching up and tangling your fingers together that shatters the coil in your stomach. Waves of blazing arousal searing their way throughout your body, and it’s almost too painful.

The kisses left along the nape of your neck are soothing as you attempt to control your breathing, your heart racing as your body deals with the aftershocks. Entirely too sleepy, and your brain can’t even comprehend the words that Wanda is whispering to you. The only thing that even makes sense is when she says Mommy. When you finally open your eyes, you see Natasha pinning Kate down, licking slowly at her face as it drips with wetness. It makes you whine and even though you’re entirely too overstimulated your hips mindlessly grind down on the strap still firmly inside you. 

A tap along your temple, and a gentle kiss to your cheek, is the last thing you remember before your eyes flutter closed. “Playtime is over, detka.” Wanda’s hushed voice echoing through your head as your body relaxes completely into hers. 

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The two are leaning against the bed frame, silent as they watch their two younger counterparts sleep. Though they just finished having fun, they know that their issues aren’t fixed. Their days were completely different, both coming out of the experiences with what feels like renewed energy is slightly throwing off their own personal relationship dynamic. The ginger can’t help how her gaze flickers over to her girlfriend, emotions threatening to bubble up her throat. Gnawing on her bottom lip, her eyebrows furrow as she tries to figure out what she wants to say. 

“You know, the longer you stare at me the louder the little sighs you let out get.” Wanda’s winks teasingly at the older woman, a small smirk pulling at the corner of her lips. 

The Russian pulls a pillow into her lap, careful to not disturb the heavy head leaning on her leg. She lets the silence blanket around the group as she gathers her thoughts. “I’m not proud of it, but I took my anger with you out on the little toy today. I know that they don’t care, and that it’s something that they in theory enjoy but I never wanted to do that. It was something that I told myself I wouldn’t do, no matter how much she likes it.”  The widow shushes the young witch when she goes to speak, an attempt to calm her thoughts. “No, you know I wanted a different type of dynamic with them. I didn’t want that kind of roughness, and disconnect. It works for some relationships, and it’s beautiful between you two but it was never what we built ours around. Seeing you and Kate come home, from whatever you guys did, it sort of hit me how unfair it could be perceived. How I let my anger take over the power I have over them, she just wanted to eat popcorn and watch her little movie. Something happened when you two were out, something good, and on the opposite end I feel like I caused issues.” Nails scratching at her shins, a nervous tick that Wanda picks up on immediately and reaches out to lay a gentle hand on her. 

It takes a moment but when Wanda finally talks, her voice cracks a few times. “I- this isn’t really the environment to talk about your issues, now is it Natalia?” The ginger’s head shoots up, shock and despair filling her body. Anger wasn’t what she was expecting from the witch right now, if anything she thought that she would be in tune with the emotions that she’s freely showing. Her younger girlfriend is always asking for her to express what she is thinking and feeling without the need for magic, and here she’s doing that but it’s being met with hostility. 

Before either could make another snarky comment, Kate’s body jostles as she starts waking up. Rolling over, rubbing at her eyes, she’s surprised to see the older women staring down at her. Awkwardly waving at the two, the archer rolls around in an attempt to sit up without waking you. Even after the three settle comfortably on the bed, your head nestled against the youngest’s thigh, the silence lays heavy over them. Just as the Russian was going to speak up, she is interrupted by a shaky voice. “Wanda you don’t have to treat me like I’m going to break the moment you touch me.” 

It’s blunt and even with the waver in her voice it still shocks the older women, neither really hearing her be so confident in a statement towards them before. The moment of conviction, even though brief, is already taking a toll on the youngest. Kate curling in on herself, slow as she still takes your sleeping form into consideration. Almost as if the archer is protecting not only herself but you, the only other person who had ever seen her so vulnerable. Even though you aren’t an active participant of the conversation, you lay there as a barrier between the three. 

The relief that floods Kate’s body when Wanda finally picks up on her silent pleas, her quiet voice filling the air as she relays the words that are stuck clinging to the walls of the younger brunette’s throat. Focusing instead on the way you breathe in your sleep, chest rising slowly with each indication that you are safe and alive. Your eyes are moving about, dreaming of something, and for the moment the archer is able to focus on the fact that you are breathing.

Even as the words fall from her mouth, and she can see the emotions flooding the ginger’s eyes in her peripheral vision, Wanda can’t help but stare at the two of you. Something in her heart was telling her that she needed to listen to Natasha. She has what she needed, she loves the spy and knew that in her soul but she couldn’t help but want just a little more. When she met you, she knew she had to have you; but never in what capacity. It was something that was ever growing, never something stationary. 

She never really thought that she would ever have to decide, a part of her always believed that you would be forever obsessed with her; and Natasha in extension. The year long mission was something that wrecked all of her plans, the downfall of her control. Control not only over you, but over herself. She knew that it wouldn’t be long until someone fell for you, and while she would have preferred for you to not find yourself infatuated with them she knew that it didn’t matter. 

The mark that lays along your ribs, a moment of weakness and desperation, is a reminder of the devotion she has to you. A physical representation of her inner thoughts, even if you just thought it was her possession and ownership over you. Now, watching this moment between you and Kate, it’s different for Wanda. She sees something that could even break her magic, something that nothing can break and it’s starting to take a toll on her mind. 

The Sokovian doesn’t realize that she’s whispering by the end of the story, stopping just at the archer’s feelings for you. Blinking, she tears her gaze from the two of you, pointedly avoiding the ginger’s curious look when the youngest speaks up. “I don’t..this isn’t something that I want to change the dynamic. If I thought I couldn’t handle it I wouldn’t be here, and anyways they help me a lot whenever they think it's overwhelming.” The ocean blue eyes are calm, void of waves crashing against one another, as she looks down at you. “I always thought love was this fight, something that if it was rocky and unstable then it wasn’t real. I thought that love was aggressive and mean, leaving you to trudge through this fog that never let up even after finally finding the other person.” 

She doesn’t notice the other two, retracting into themselves as their thoughts begin to take over and leave them gasping for air as the waves that no longer find homage in the archer’s eyes start to drown them. “Until I met this nerdy quiet girl, who somehow saw straight through every single one of my normal games. It didn’t matter what I said or what stupid line I used, even though text, she had me wrapped around her finger the moment we started talking. I learned that love is a fight, but it isn’t violent or angry. You have to fight for each other.” Her voice hushes as you move around in your sleep, subconsciously gripping her shirt as you pull her closer. 

Wanda’s eyes flicker when she gets a flash of strong emotion from Natasha, something that momentarily breaks her normal stoic mask before she is able to paste it back together. The witch wants to reach out, apologize for everything and comfort the widow but she knows that this isn’t the time nor place to do so. This isn’t about them and she can see the assassin slowly building even more walls then she originally had. “It isn’t about fighting each other, nor is it fighting to be that number one position in their lives. As their partner shouldn’t be their number one priority. You came into their lives, you know? They had an entire life before you, family and friends and responsibilities. Their life was filled with things pulling their attention and their focus, and as a partner I learned it isn’t about fighting for attention. It’s about fighting for your partner. There’s days where maybe they can’t do everything, so you do it for them. There will be days where maybe they can’t put everything into you because it isn’t fair to expect them to, and that’s when you fight for them. You fight to make their life easier and make it more enjoyable, to make sure that when everything else in life is finally slowed down that they can live in the moment with you. You aren’t there to take over their life but make it better, and make the time you have with them some of the best memories they could ever even imagine.” 

Kate sighs, finally lifting her head to look at the other two. “I know this isn’t everything that love is about, and maybe I’m so wrong but for me that’s how I see it.” She looks so small as she starts to second guess everything she just said. The silence starts to make her anxious but when she makes eye contact with Wanda her muscles relax. 

Shaking her head, the witch’s eyes flash red as she tries her hardest to settle the insecurities bubbling into the young brunette’s head. She knows that the conversation is over, and while this wasn’t exactly how she thought this would go she knows that there was no point. Natasha has already withdrawn into herself, the mask back as protection. Wanda watches as the ginger stands and begins her normal bedtime routine, footsteps not making a sound as she pads around the room. 

Kate opens her mouth to say something but the older brunette just shushes her gently, leaning over and leaving a soft kiss on her cheek. “Lay down, malý zatúlaný. We’ll talk more later, okay?” It almost breaks her heart as Kate settles in bed, curling slowly around your body with a blank stare as she whispers out a confirmation that she heard the plans. “This isn’t about you, yes? I need you to know that. I meant what I said earlier, and us knowing what happened doesn’t change anything. Natasha just needs a moment to deal with things outside of this, and then she will come back.” It’s enough for the young CEO to relax a bit, color returning to her face as she lets the words sink into her heart. 

Slowly walking out of the room, Wanda makes sure that the two wouldn’t wake up as she shuts the door before she briskly walks down the hall to where she knows the widow would be just sitting. Scoffing as she sees her making a cup of tea, the witch cracks her neck as she sets her hands on the counter. “You know, I never thought you would be such a heartless bitch but once an emotionless assassin always one apparently.” 

Natasha takes her time, stirring the honey into her tea as she normally would and even taking a taste of it before finally turning around to face the witch. Her vibrant forest green eyes rimmed with red as she held back tears, a fake smile plastered on her face. “You think I don’t care about the life of Kate, don’t you? I’m just a soulless monster? Let’s talk about you and your dreams, about the things you know you’re destined to become.” 

Wanda laughs, high pitched and delirious. “This wasn’t about you or your feelings Natalia. Tonight was the time to put everything about yourself to the side and be there for Kate, and you couldn’t even do that. You couldn’t be selfless for even a fucking hour and I think it’s ironic you bring up a stupid prophecy when you were literally born to be a killer. We both were fucked from the moment we took a breath on this stupid rock, Romanoff. You were the one who told me that, and guess what it’s coming back to haunt you.” The agent thought the witch would be angry, let her emotions get the best of her, but for the first time it’s almost like she’s numb. 

The older woman sighs, taking a sip of her tea as she stares at the younger girl over the rim of the mug. Steam almost distorts the image of her counterpart as she lets her words sink in, thinking over what she wants to say. “You know, it’s really funny that you talk about putting our feelings to the side and being all altruistic. Aren’t you the one drooling over Kate’s girlfriend? You think I didn’t see your little heart eyes literally while you were talking about the traumatic experiences? What do you think she would think if she knew your true feelings, hm? She’s oh so protective over the little toy, you really think she would trust you with her heart? Especially because you can’t hide who you are going to become, it’s destiny that you fall into that madness; at least mine was always around.” Setting down her cup, she takes a seat on the bar stool so that she can comfortably lounge. 

“Maybe Kate would be mad, maybe she would be hesitant but let me ask you a question. What will our little princess think when her precious Daddy doesn’t love her? That when you look at her, it isn’t who you want to see anymore? You don’t just call her anymore to see her, but to see if her girlfriend will show up too? I might be destined for madness but at the end of it I’ll still have my Toy, and in the end I believe I’ll have Kate too. What will you have? Your anger and regret?” Wanda spins around, deciding that she is done with this conversation. She has a pull, a need to be near both you and Kate. 

“She’s OUR toy and Kate is MY mutt!” Natasha is leaning across the counter now, hands slapping down on the marble. 

The echoing mocking laughter rings in her ears as she watches the witch walk away, “We’ll see about that.” It isn’t yelled, but placed in her mind as she watches the younger woman slip into the bedroom. The lock clicking into place is a sure sign that she would be sleeping on the couch tonight.

[badnew2005]

i feel like all i’m talking ab this season is dennis and running away and how he’s finally emotionally returned from north dakota he’s trying so hard to stop running and be stationary BUT !!! it keeps shining through like dennis struggles to improve his mental health a season long arc IS REAL !!!!!! there are a thousand billion ways to read dennis as johnny but i can’t stop thinking about dennis using the johnny caricature the mask to explore and experiment with that part of himself that kept him running.

ireland dennis obsessed with authenticity bringing it to such a fake degree. obsessed with authenticity of the specific situation he is in rather than his general every day life. he’s still running away. wins the big game message when you embrace who you are then you win then life is good and enjoyable BUT HE MISSED IT !!!!! he was in north dakota !!!!!!!!! he was running and hiding. ireland when you love someone you never ever leave them behind realisation and acceptance he doesn’t need to keep running. reaching that conclusion a couple of years later than the gang, later than mac, as he always is one to do.

we’re like half way through the season and he’s been TRYING. trying so hard to be good and happy and not get riled up over small things. he’s trying to be stationary and be happy with who he is BUT ITS HARD !!!! it’s itching and raw! another season theme i’ve predicted is the cat poking his head out of the wall. it’s all happening as johnny. exploring who he is and who he can be, rather than the person he’s spent years thinking he Should be (seen with maureen and mandy). everything about him he’s kept private hidden down deep he’s using johnny to be public with. and macs just a boy in love !!!!! fuck !!!!! mac being in love with johnny confirmation that he is likeable, LOVEABLE even. that part of dennis he hates so so much he’s so terrified of letting loose. it won’t be the end of the world. restructuring his view of himself. he’s old and tried and can’t keep running, he doesn’t Want to keep running, BUT ITS HARD !!!! it’s so much harder than he ever thought it could be (and he Knew it would be difficult and painful that’s what kept him running! because running away was easier and comfier than facing reality ……. clip show i’m ALWAYS thinking about you!)

he’s ran away from mac before because he could see through him but now ??? mac can’t see it’s him. even against screaming proof mac won’t accept that he’s johnny. from macs pov there’s anger, anger that he can’t feel because he can’t confront dennis so he stays in denial. and dennis is angry with himself too, there’s plenty of self hatred behind using the mask of johnny. he’s spent years pushing mac away screaming at him to move on…. but dennis won’t let go he won’t physically let mac move on. everything i’ve ever loved has claw marks on. he’s clinging onto everything so desperately (clip show & chokes IM THINKIHG OF YOUUUUU) but can’t communicate what he actually wants. he can’t admit it to himself first and foremost there’s no way he’s saying out loud point blank to mac. who could go and Tell Everyone. he hates himself for loving mac for not being able to let go. he hates himself for running away and pushing and biting and then crawling back begging on his knees to go back in time.

he hates that mac came out and it changed everything and he hates that he can’t do the same. mac can’t confront dennis about his anger out of fear he’s going to run again, but ALL DENNIS WANTS is that confrontation. he Wants to be forced to be dragged screaming and kicking out of the closet like mac was. he doesn’t want to be brave and have to take that massive leap by himself. it’s too big too far !!!! he’s spent years making sure nobody suspects him or dares says anything. he was ready to suffocate in that wall. why should he have to follow that second cat out of the darkness why can’t the bird pull him out anymore (because he mauled and killed the bird. severed any chance of anyone else helping him out of the closet.)

why does he have to do it all himself now. everyone else begged mac to come out, they all knew for mac, why can’t they do the same for him. obviously they’re Not going to ! once upon a time he made sure they never ever will !!!!!!! it’s again dennis and communication, wanting everything “to go back to normal” to go back to how it was for everyone to forget what he said and did but they can’t. and they won’t. crawling back home takes time and effort and a lot more than opening the front door. you have to rebuild the foundations and structure too. the cat has made the wall his home, destroying dees apartment to keep himself safe, hidden and enclosed in the wall. he can’t change his mind one day and want to get pulled out without explicitly saying something, making amends.

[smute]

Charlie goes to his crusty bedroom and reads his precious Moby-Dick essay one more time while glugging from a two-liter bottle of bed-Pepsi. We get to hear his favorite part of the essay: “The whale doesn’t have any emotions, he’s just a poor big animal.” As a fat person who has actually read Moby-Dick, even the “boring chapters,” THAT IS NOT WHAT MOBY-DICK IS ABOUT OR WHAT MOBY DICK THE WHALE IS LIKE AT ALL. Obviously we’re supposed to draw some parallel between Moby Dick the actual whale and Charlie the human whale, but, like, why? What shallow fucking bullshit! Can you even map one on top of the other at all? Has anyone ever read Moby-Dick and thought, “wow, what a pathetic loser” about the whale? The ungraspable phantom of life himself???? Thin people don’t think of fat people as powerful and inscrutable phantoms—they’re absolutely positive they can scrute everything about us, our “everything” being CHEESY BUGLES! Hence this movie!!!!! Don’t talk about my favorite book, DARREN. I don’t come to your house and explain The Mystery Method wrong! Anyway, then Charlie uses his cursed rusty mobility aids to turn out the light and go to sleep. Spooky!

[...] How do fat suits work? Does Brendan Fraser have to wear individual little sausage tubes on each finger? I can’t stop thinking about how many awards the visual effects people (or whatever department makes fat suits) are going to win for this. It’s like if I got a Nobel Prize for drawing a mean picture of your grandma. Also, for the record, I know the fat suit was really expensive, but it looks weird! It doesn’t hang right! He looks like the mascot for an NBA team called the Wichita Big Pile of Raw Chicken. Hmm, if only there was a way to depict a fat person in a movie without an expensive flappy silicon slug bag!

While Charlie is in the bathroom crying (really), Thomas shows up again and Ellie introduces herself: “What’s more surprising—that a gay guy has a daughter, or that someone actually found his penis?” Wow, once again, thank you so much to Darren Aronofsky and playwright Samuel D. Hunter for spending TEN YEARS on this extremely humanizing screenplay! I feel seen, unlike my own genitals!!!

Charlie is so moved that he goes, “You wrote these amazing, honest things… You’ve all been so honest with me. I just want to be honest with you too.” And then he TURNS ON HIS WEBCAM and SHOWS THEM HIS HUGE FACE AND BODY! All the students lose it and they’re grimacing and cowering before him and taking pictures of the screen, LOL, even though literally it just looks like a regular guy???????? It’s a Zoom square! It looks like a close-up of a guy’s face! No one would have any reaction to this! If there’s one thing this movie does perfectly, it’s trick thin people into telling on themselves about how uncomfortable they are around fat people!

Then Liz comes back and reveals that, LMAO, what happened to Alan is that he starved himself to death (kind of), and that’s why now Charlie has to EAT himself to death. Wooooooow, who wrote that brilliant juxtaposition? Grover??? Is this supposed to be profound? It's less nuanced than when people say “the terrorists hate our freedom”! Actually, you know what? This detail with Alan is the central problem with this entire movie: Being thin is not the opposite of being fat!!!!!!!! STARVING IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF EATING. Having a body is a complex state! [...] Then they clarify that actually Alan starved himself ALMOST to death and then jumped off a bridge. Jumping! The most thin-privilege way to die!

sorrynotsorry bout all the whale poasting but this review by lindy west was very cathartic for me! its a shitty movie and extremely triggering not just for fat people but anyone with any sort of complicated feelings around food and your own body tbh. so im sharing it here. butt news has a free subscription and lindy west is hilarious so. go read it and maybe read some other reviews too

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

I feel like I may have fucked up a lot of things, and for some reason I cant stop. Lost my bf, childhood best friend, and now my new best friend. I really miss him tbh, but it’ll be fine. I think the only way I can fix things and bring some form of balance to my life is to just ghost everyone. I think a lot of things would’ve been better for everyone had I just left every single person I know alone. There has to be something wrong with me, even when I try to be better somehow I find a way to ruin any connection I have to people. The only way out is stop connecting. There’s no point anyways, I dont want to talk to anyone I dont want to tell people things anymore I want to just be alone forever. I need a break from life, sometimes existing is too much like sometimes I feel a little too alive or a little too emotional. Probably cause I feel everything intensely, even when I feel nothing I feel like in absolute. Its horrible how quickly things can turn. My mind is not somewhere I want to be, and its sad how much my brain hates me. I dont have anyone around anymore, and its all my own fault. Maybe I should just move on from everything and everyone. I think there’s something about being alone that I love though, maybe that’s why I do things that push people away. So that no one needs me around, im not reliable for a reason. This letter is all over the place im sorry. I just want a break from everything like just one little break. I’ll deal with it at some point but I just cant anymore I dont want to. As bad as life was this time last year I would go back to it all at least I always knew what to expect. Now its just non stop change and im not ready for it. As bad as he was at least I had someone. The best thing to do is just detach for a little while. I dont know how long, but I know I need to just leave everything. Its just scary to be by myself , no one has ever been crueller to me than I have.i keep trying to cry but I just cant. I dont know what’s wrong with me like how did this all happen when did I change and how did I not see it happen. The thing is does it really matter? Like does anything even actually matter? No one actually cares so what does anything matter?  

Lately ive been feeling nothing and I cant cry anymore. I just feel nothing but not numb but numb in a way idk how to explain it. Maybe I just need time to myself, away from people. The thing is I dont like myself. I dont want to be alone but I cant stand being around people. I want to be left alone but I hate myself. No winning I suppose. Its weird how much I wanted to end my life before and now I just live with the self hate lol. My eating disorder is back like completely. Funny thing is now that I look like I did before, my mom said that I finally look like myself again. That made me laugh. Thing is lately thoughts of bulimia have been in my mind. Like if I eat something then I think I could just throw it up and it’ll be like it never happened. Isn’t having a sick mind the best? 

love, 

s<3

Ps. Thank you for always listening.. I know in some other reality we’re friends, and im telling you this over ice cream. unfortunately, in this one you are somewhere I dont know, and I am too. love u.

[star-girl69]

AHHHH YOURE SO ADORABLE.

Damnnn fake gagging??? 😭😭I didn't know I was that baddddd. What can a girl do when she's soooo down bad.

How is your maths working out sooooo neat. I have the worst handwriting ever and then my thought process is wack so like everything always ends up in different areas yk.

Chemistry calculations are the worst and it doesn't help that I also despise chem with a passion but bio calculations make me actually wanna drop school and pursue other career options(🤭).

Mrs.B sounds like a B fr fr like why sooo mean. Don't stress about your writing too much. As always I believe in youuuu❤️

- ❤️

(Nooooo don't beee sadddd I'm sorry honey. I think our time difference is hugee. I am also training and working a lot so I sleep a lot and my schedule is haywire but trust, you always on my mind❤️❤️)

🤭🤭🤭🤭

(also sorry AGAIN i read this in the middle of my 2 hour class and then spent a lot of time smiling at the floor instead of paying attention but now i’m home and can sit down and properly reply it’s like we’re exchanging letters LMAO)

NO LIKE i mean i’m having fun! i like it if you couldn’t tell LMAOO i’m giggling and kicking my feet! i think you are doing exactly what a girl should do when she is down bad 🤭🤭 she just hates to see a real bitch (me) win (be happy) (im mostly kidding we love each other fr)

omg i thank god everyday that i have at least somewhat decent handwriting but real on the thought process being wack… especially w math like i go all over the place that’s probs why it’s my worst subject

boooooooo you just don’t understand the magic of chemistry it’s amazing!!!!! like omg nomenclature??? i loved that unit sm!!!! the first test of the year i literally got a 100/100 likkkeeee also i LOVE nuclear chem but anyways.

wait hold on i already took bio but i don’t remember CALCULATIONS??? but i think it might be diff considering my bio course is called living environment where i live

OK NO. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! MRS B IS THE SWEETEST MOST NICEST PROFOUND AMAZING PERSON IN THE WORLD LIKE I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE CHANGES MY LIFE ON THE DAILY BUT SOMETIMES SHES A LITTLE BLUNT

today she gave me and my bff honey chocolate hearts and once she gave us bread (there’s a picture somewhere of me and my friend walking through the hall with slices of bread in our mouths) and also she brought in a crockpot of spaghetti and force fed me I DONT LIKE MARINARA SAUCE i was like “no thank you!” and she said “ADDIE WHAT!! NO NO YOU EAT THE PASTA”

haha… i’ll try not to stress but i think we all know how that will work out…

(i headcanon england for you btw or like some sort of european country around there bc like…. “mathS” and “apologiSe” and also the whole cm thing. wait what are you training for like a marathon or is that just supposed to mean like you just go to the gym? anyways i hope you don’t overwork yourself ☹️ ☹️also i think YOU should tell ME about YOUR day 😍)

(well ig i feel a little bit better if i’m always on your mind 🤭🤭🤭) (you’re always on mine tho 💋)

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

I'm curious what you think would happen to the world if Gideon had gotten the two journals. Would Stan have ever been able to bring Ford back? Would Bill have been able to start Wierdmagedon? Because the whole reason Bill gets involved is because Dipper stops Gideon.

So if Gideon never loses.... (Ignoring the whole Mabel thing >.>)

Then he'd... would he have even tried to become mayor? With the amulet the townspeople probably would have made him mayor eventually anyway. But do you think Gideon would be satisfied with Gravity Falls and the Mystery Shack alone? Would Gideon eventually bring Ford back?

thank ya for the questions, i appreciate it! (genuine)

this might be a bit disorganized, sorry- just getting out all my thoughts as they happen. did try to answer them in order though!

to answer the first one- gideon did actually have two of the journals at one point! he stole journal 3 for dipper in gideon rises and then promptly had them stolen back by stan

you mentioned the amulet, so in this scenario, he probably either got another journal early or the amulet never broke. regardless, I think everything could still play out relatively the same? mostly the same, anyway.

which. actually, he could very much still lose his journals again in this scenario- we’ll just turn this into an au where that simply doesn’t happen! we’re also gonna say the townsfolk never find out he was spying on them in this au

since we’re ignoring everything he does regarding mabel, i won’t talk much about gideonland

anyway- stan was mostly done with the portal by the time mabel and dipper come to the shack, so he almost definitely could’ve finished it without the other two journals. it would just take longer (possibly long enough that he only gets it open after the kids head home which would be a really interesting fic to read on its own-)

that’s only if gideon never takes over the shack, though. stan can’t fix the portal if he’s not even there and this is an especially bad situation for him because he just kicked out. again.

whether or not bill starts weirdmaggedon really depends on whether or not gideon is actually able to get the portal started. highly doubt he’d be able to get fiddleford’s help with it-

bill could probably tell gideon about the basement, though. ‘oh, you want to know the code? let’s make a deal :)’ maybe something gideon would summon him again for (which also brings up the question of if stan brought journal 1 with him or not- or if he even had time to grab it)

it would take even longer for gideon to start up the portal. he’s a ten year old kid, no way he’d be able to figure it out unless it was a bill possessing gideon situation. bideon. bud might be able to help a bit, but his mechanical know-how probably wouldn’t get them too far on their own- they don’t know theoretical physics like stan does

so either bill makes a deal and finishes the portal himself, or he convinces gideon to somehow get stan back working on it again

(doubt bill could convince stan to do it on his own. stan saw the state ford was in before getting stuck in the portal, he saw the triangle imagery everywhere, he does not trust this at all)

anyway, mayor stuff! im not sure if gideon actually could run for mayor, since he’s ten. bud did run for mayor that one time though, so it’s possible gideon could have his dad keep up the appearance of being mayor, while he’s really the one pulling the strings

(never watched that episode much, so i don’t actually remember if that’s what happened. gideon making bud run for mayor, i mean)

the townspeople do love gideon’s whole shtick though, so who knows, maybe he could actually run for mayor. at the very least, if bud focused his campaign around gideon, it’s very likely he’d win

during gideon’s whole speech about the journals, he specially says that if they were brought together, they could ‘open a gateway to unimaginable power’. he also imagines himself towering over the town with fire behind him during part of that, so y’know? maybe he’s into weirdmaggedon (talk about foreshadowing)

anyway, it seems gideon’s mainly after power here, so running for mayor does seem like something he’d be interested in. also seems like he likes a bit of destruction, so that too.

would he be satisfied with just the town and the shack? probably not- he would still very much want to ruin the lives of the pines family even more. he’d also still be after mabel (which we won’t be going into detail about because you said you were ignoring that part for this)

gideon clearly admires the author, so if he found out that said author was currently trapped in the portal, he probably would make an attempt to bring him back. as for how he’d figure that out- either bill giving him incentive to open the portal or. stan. however that turns out.

either way- regardless of the specifics i do think that this would make for a really interesting au. especially in regards to what would happen with stan and also gideon trying to open the portal

[kazhewbrekker]

january book reviews

the stolen heir : holly black ⭐⭐⭐⭐

it took me about a week to read this book and by that i mean i read half, wasn’t impressed, took a week and came back and finished it. like with the cruel prince, the beginning and middle of this book aren’t all that exciting in my opinion, but holly takes the cake as usual for her incredible endings. honestly at this point reading a holly black book is worth it just to see how she wraps it. but yeah, i think it was a good starting point for the duology, im positive the prisoner’s throne will be better, as was the case with tcp > twk. im happy to say towards the end i had really connected with oak and suren/wren, however i feel like despite how fun of a concept it is to put wren and jude in direct opposition its...hm, bad ? to clarify, i wish that i felt conflicted on who’s side i was rooting for. but even if wren was in the right, which...bridle aside she isnt, i would still be in jude’s corner simply because even with all the time spent with wren it’s not enough to...connect with her on the same level as i did with jude. and thats a heavy ask to be fair; jude is one of my favorite character’s in the ya/new adult genre. but i think a understandable worry with this duology is that the folk of the air series might overshadow this new story holly black is trying to tell. i can’t say definitively if it has or has not, but i think she’s done a better job of balancing the new characters and plots with reference to the old. it’ll really be a testament to how well she can keep both separate and important in the next book as she’s hinted that jude and cardan will have a bigger role (which makes sense, since we’re uhh going to war. uh oh).

the invisible life of addie la rue : v.e. schwab ⭐⭐⭐

i read 60% of this book probably over a year ago. maybe two. on a plane. this is a reoccurring problem. but i gotta say, schwab is the queen of concepts. she hasn’t had a single book concept that i wasn’t at least a little intrigued by. unfortunately, uhh, this doesn’t always translate to an interesting plot. the beginning of this book is good, it’s engaging (as far as i remember), bestie lost me when she introduced the most uninteresting man in the world: what’s-his-name. no actually, what was his name--hold on--henry ! his name is henry. he is boring. i understand his purpose in the story, but uhh, the most interesting thing about that man was...the deal he made with the devil i guess ? and that gets revealed so late in the game you have to wade through addie being infatuated with this Regular Guy (not that i blame her when he’s the only one that can remember her), but god, yeah that’s a pretty comprehensive reason for me putting this book down for so long. the ending though, see this is the important part, the ending was very good. i was happily surprised how open-ended it was. though the hopeless romantic that lives deep inside my chest and chews on my bones will continue to believe that the dark could learn to love, okay. i don’t think that should be held against me, either way addie wins. slay queen.

daisy jones & the six : taylor jenkins reid ⭐⭐⭐

very different book from the two other before this, lol. im pretty sure i picked up this book offhandedly the last time i went to b&n, i read the seven husbands of evelyn hugo last year and wasn’t...super impressed ? authors tend to hit me a lot harder with their debuts then second or third releases. for some reason. i really respect reid for her use of journalism styles to tell these fictional stories, how much historical research probably goes into making everything seem realistic. i do think--as a personal opinion--writing about music is a very challenging thing. it’s very difficult to properly convey how music sounds, or feels, without being able to hear the music itself. (i feel the same about dancing, but that’ll probably come up another day). but the story is as much about the music as it is about the complex interweaving relationship of the characters in and outside of the band. shout out to my girl, camilla, the best character in that book. i think the most impressive thing to me about the book, besides the stylistic choices (aka the interview aspect), is how the waves minor characters like camilla or teddy or simone make deeply effect every aspect of the story. very akin to real life, there’s so many people that can change the game for you--especially for character’s like daisy and billy who are so deep in substance abuse and addiction at certain points. overall, really great book, the very last page made me laugh out loud.

beach read : emily henry ⭐⭐⭐⭐

emily henry books feel like a guilty pleasure to me at this point. i started reading her books on my flight to new york last summer, which is coincidentally where i picked up a physical copy of beach read that slept in my suitcase for uhh...six months ? anyways i finally decided to read her after talking about emily henry and her books with a friend of mine. it was a very good decision on my part--this is my favorite of her books. i feel like i need to start with the things i dont like about this book, lol. my biggest pet peeve with contemporary romance is that every single one of these characters is an author, or a publisher, or does something in the literary industry. please stop. i get thats where a lot of these authors have experience, it is their field, but jesus christ can we just have like. an illiterate main character. someone with an undeniable hatred for everything book-related. let’s be quirky and different...please ? all that said, january and gus have some actually great conversations about writer’s block and how it feels to write outside of your comfort zone. i’ll say out of all the books ive read in recent years that have to do with writers (another of which being an emily henry book 🙄), this is the best its been done in my opinion. the relationship development in this book is just very gradual and i love that, the fact that they knew each other before, but not deeply enough to be friends so we still get to see them get to know each other beyond their work is really important to me. sidenote: completely understand what january means when she’s talking about the sad and depressing shit people write about in an undergrad creative writing program. good lord. the heavy topics in this book felt very well handled in the context of...yknow a romance novel, it was kind of nice to have a love interest that wasn’t like...secretly a huge asshole who’s hiding the worst secret in the world. they had me worried for a second there when the exwife showed up, but the swerve at the last second was very appreciated. this book would have a very different review if that had been handled differently. lemme tell you, lol. overall, very enjoyable, probably the most fun ive had in this genre since the hating game. wow.

[hejdetermig]

every year i can feel myself leveling up in wisdom & maturity. like i’m 22 now, my life is completely different than when i was 19. ive realized so many things that i didn’t even know were things that existed. like how to socialize and how to be a likable person and what things will really make me content with myself and my life. part of me is scared of getting older and scared that i’m not utilizing my time go well enough and i’m wasting my youth but most of me can’t wait until i’m 30. it’s so great i don’t even have to do anything just keep existing. everything naturally finds a way. my life sucked at 19. i feel like my kid self again at 22. just doing what i want, being alone, having patience, breaking everything down into bite size steps, making things easy for myself, actually having the ability to do that when my younger self would just shut down with stress. not dating, learning about self esteem and confidence, learning to forgive my parents, learning to let go of self-destructive habits that southern baptist christianity taught me. learning that it’s okay to be content with not feeling good. i don’t need to feel happy and worry-free all the time. figuring out what pursuits make me excited. learning cheats about life like how gratitude is one of the easiest ways to turn my mood around. legit that pitbull lyric that’s become a meme “This for everybody going through tough times, Believe me, been there, done that, But every day above ground is a great day, remember that.” NO JOKE gets me through my worst moments. figuring out i had adhd and finding an entry level job with good insurance and then finding a doctor and then getting diagnosed and then taking medicine that lets me function how i’ve always needed to. the same doctor realizing before i did that i have minor depression and prescribing me medicine. telling the same doctor i believe i have clinical anxiety (ocd) and her prescribing me medicine. this took a lot of time but it was all worth it. figuring out that they weren’t kidding when they said slow and steady wins the race. learning to trust myself. when bts said “i know, i know, i know myself.” my mom tells me i need to think less and just jump into things. but that doesn’t often work out for me. what works for me is thinking new things through and preparing myself 100% before starting. we’re just different types of people. but also realizing my parents were right about a lot of stuff. i recently have been really relieved to realize that a lot of wisdom i’ve acquired has come from making mistakes and i wouldn’t have all this wisdom if i did everything perfectly. so i’m less worried about making mistakes. i read something about how there’s no right or wrong decisions, life just opens up pockets of time as a result of whatever decision you make. or something like that idk. learning that being cynical is cool but it’s legit poison for the soul. being grateful no matter what is what’s actually cool. i read something about seeing every person you encounter as someone you can learn from and that’s been kinda life changing. especially for annoying people that i would usually look down on. anyway im done poopin i’m going to be late for work.

[ya9amicide]

The End of the World In a Woman’s Hands [Newsies]

chapter five

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summary: Being a girl in the everyday world is difficult. Being the leader of the Manhattan Newsies and a girl? Even more so. Especially when nobody knows you're a girl and the truth is the closest kept secret you have ever had. For Jack Kelly, keeping the truth of her gender a secret is one she's found easy after doing so for many years. Unfortunately, having close encounters with the iron fist, Pulitzer, and a new Newsie who seems determined to get to know her, that secret might just become the opposite.

pairing: fem!jack kelly x david “davey” jacobs

warnings: none

Jack and David are walking to Brooklyn at dawn.

“I've never been to Brooklyn,” David says, looking at Jack nervously. “This Spot Conlon…is he really as bad as they say?”

Jack sneakily looks down at their hands as they walk. They almost brush together as they swing by their sides. Realizing he’s waiting for an answer, Jack laughs lightly.

David smiles at her. “I say something funny? Come on, tell me–is he bad or not? What's the joke? Tell me, willya?”

She just shakes her head at him and continues laughing as they continue walking. They make their way to a rotted and decrepit pier. Hunched under the pier is a tough kid playing a harmonica, his eyes fixed on Jack and David as they cautiously approach through the no man's land of mud and junk. Boys appear all around them–behind them, to the side of them, in front of them–silently escorting them under the pier. David looks very nervous as they are halted, and the harmonica plays a signal, then stops abruptly. 

From behind some rotting timbers steps a young, roguish boy. He grins wickedly when he spots Jack. “If it ain't Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.”

Jack meets his challenging grin with one of her own. “You're movin' up in the world, Spot. Got an ocean view and everything.”

“So I'm hearin' things from little birdies in Harlem and Queens and all over. They're chirpin' in my ear: 'Jackie-boy's Newsies are playin' like they're goin' on strike–.”

“We're not playing–,” David cuts in. “We are on strike, it's–.”

Spot's eyes click like switchblades in David's direction, so do his henchmen's. “What's this, Jackie boy? Some kind of walkin' mouth?”

Jack looks at Spot, unintimidated. “Yeah, it's a mouth, a mouth with a brain. And if you got half-a-one you'll listen. Tell 'im, Davey.”

David looks at Jack wide-eyed. Scared to death, he starts as Spot's henchmen begin circling him like jackals. “Uh, we started the strike but…we can't do it alone, so we've been talkin' to Newsies all over the city.”

“So they told me. And what did they tell you?”

David looks nervously at the circling henchmen. “That…they're all waiting to see what Spot Conlon does. That you're the key.” As Spot puffs himself up, David sees an opening. “​​That Spot Conlon is the most respected and famous Newsie in New York…and probably everywhere else.” Spot signals the henchmen to stop circling and waits for more, lapping it up. “ And…if Spot Conlon joins the strike, they'll join and we'll be unstoppable so you gotta join and…well…you gotta!”

He trails off and Spot nods, turning to Jack. “You're right. Brains.” Spot’s voice hardens. “But I got brains, too–and more than half-a-one. How do I know you punks won't run the first time some goon comes atcha with a club? How do I know you're in it to win?”

“'Cause I'm tellin' you,” Jack tells him.

Spot purses his lips. “Not good enough, Jackie-boy. You gotta show me.” He turns and walks away and David exhales in relief.

Suddenly, Jack grabs a rope hanging from the wharf and swings in front of Spot. “Maybe you lost your guts, Spotty-boy.” Spot freezes. “Or maybe you traded 'em to some chicken for that beak of yours.” She steps up into Spot’s face. “Maybe you gotta show me you ain't afraid to join the strike.”

Murder seems to be in the air as David stands paralyzed and Spot’s henchmen are ready to explode. Spot's eyes are locked on Jack's for an excruciating moment, then Spot grins. “Nice try, pal. But that's just what I'm talkin' about.” He turns serious again. “Show me this strike ain't just some kids do-or-dare, then we'll talk.”

In Newsie Square the next morning, Jack and the other Newsies nervously begin to assemble. As David and Les arrive, David pulls Jack aside. “Is anyone else coming?” He asks her.

She looks at him dejectedly. “Don’t got a clue.”

Race walks up behind them with large strides. “Youse seen Spot Conlon, right? What’d he say?”

“Sure we seen him,” Jack says.

“Him and about twenty of his gang,” David confirms.

“And I gotta say, Spot was very impressed. Wasn’t he?” Jack plays it up sarcastically.

“I’d say.”

“So they’re with us?” Race asks hopefully.

David turns to face the rest of the Newsies. “That all depends on how you look at it. If you look and see Brooklyn, then they’re with us.”

“They wanted proof we’re not gonna fold at the first sign of trouble,” Jack says.

“Are we?” Finch asks.

“We are not!” She yells. “There’s us and Harlem–.”

Mush suddenly rushes into the square and up to Jack. “Not so fast, boss. Harlem wants to know what Brooklyn’s gonna do.”

“How about Queens?”

Specs happily put his arm around her shoulders. “Queens will be right here backing us up!”

“Ya see!” “As soon as they get the nod from Brooklyn!”

“I got the same fish-eye in midtown,” Race says.

The Delanceys suddenly walk by, opening the gate. “Say, Oscar,” Morris says, “looks like we got bum information about a strike happenin’ here today. Not that I’m complainin’.” He punches his fist into his other palm. “I know my skull-bustin’ arm could use a day of rest.”

Les watches the brothers walk away. “Are we doing the right thing?”

“Sure we are,” his brother tells him.

Racetrack steps forward nervously. “Maybe we should put this off a few days.”

“No. We can’t…,” David desperately turns to Jack. “Say something. Tell them if we back off now they will never listen to us again.”

She walks over to where the Newsies are crowding around. “We can’t back down now. No matter who does or doesn’t show. Like it or not, now is when we take a stand.”

Across the square, Denton lounges with his notebook, studying the Newsies as if he, too, were concerned about how serious they are.

“How’s about we just don’t show for work?” Finch asks. “That’ll send a message.”

No!” Jack complains. “They’ll just replace us. They need us to stand our ground.” She turns her attention to David desperately. “C’mon, Davey. Tell ‘em.”

Determined, David turns towards the Newsies. “Now is the time we seize the day. We have to stare down the odds! Minute by minute–that’s how we’ll win. We’ll find a way.” He goes around, Newsie to Newsies, trying to get them to see his points. “Courage cannot erase our fear. Courage is when we face our fear.” He walks to Crutchie and pats his shoulder, admiring the strike sign he made with his crutch. “We have to tell those in power, we will not obey.”

Jack steps up next to David, courage lacing her voice. “We’s a great battalion if we stand side by side. We gotta stand for our brothers, those who can’t follow through, and tell ‘em ‘we’ll fight for you too!’”

The circulation bell suddenly rings and Weisel comes out, the Delanceys flanking him and holding clubs. “The sun is up, the birds is singin’. It’s a beautiful day to crack some heads, ain’t it? Step right up and get your papes.”

Three scabs walk on and head toward the circulation window to collect their papers.

“Who are they?” David asks.

Jack scoffs. “They’re scabs!”

“If they think they can just waltz in here and take our jobs–,” Finch starts.

“Let’s soak ‘em, boys!” Romeo yells.

The Newsies move menacingly forward as the scabs collect their papers from the distribution window.

David runs in front of them, halting them in their steps. “No! We all stand together or we don’t have a chance!” He turns to Jack for help. “Jack!”

“All right. I know. I hear ya.” She goes to stand between the two groups. “Listen, fellas…I know somebody put youse up to this. Probably paid ya some extra money too. Yeah? Well, it ain’t right.” Her emotions start taking over and her voice cracks. “Pulitzer thinks we’re gutter rats with no–no respect for nothin’, includin’ each other. Is that who we are?” She starts getting mad now, taking a step closer to the scabs. “Well, we stab each other in the back and, yeah, that’s who we are. But if we stand together, we can change the whole game.”

Jack starts getting desperate, thinking about all of the boys she has to take care of and win this strike for. “And it ain’t just about us! All across the city there are boys and girls who ought to be out playin’ or goin’ to school. Instead, they’re slavin’ to support themselves and–and their folks!” She’s almost in tears by this point. “Ain’t no crime to bein’ poor, and not one of us complains that the work we do is hard. All we ask is a square deal! Fellas…for the sake of all the kids in every sweatshop, factory, and slaughterhouse in this town, I beg you…throw down your papers and join the strike.” She stands there panting as the entire crowd of people watches her, dripping with emotion.

The scabs look at each other and then they all step forward, giving Jack words of confirmation that they will join the strike.

Suddenly, a police officer blows his whistle. Several more officers and Snyder stand behind him.

“Cheezit!” Jack starts ushering the Newsies to run. “It’s the bulls!”

As more policemen arrive, many Newsies take flight. Some are hit, others are snatched up and taken away. The Newsies are helpless against the men.

“You can’t run forever, Sullivan!” Snyder yells and Jack starts to make her escape.

“Jack? Wait for me!” Crutchie yells for her help. Jack reaches back for him, but he is grabbed by Oscar and Morris. With no other choice, Jack continues to run.

“Where ya think you’re goin’?” Oscar asks.

Crutchie looks around desperately. “Jack! Help! Romeo! Albert! Finch!”

“Shut it, Crip.” Morris punches Crutchie, knocking him to the ground.

Snyder beats him with his crutch and slaps on handcuffs. “It’s off to The Refuge with you, little man.”

“Crutchie!” Jack yells hopelessly.

Snyder turns his attention to her. “Sullivan!”

Jack runs for her life, quickly dodging people to make it back to the safety of the rooftop of the lodging house.