#we’re very comfortable making fun of moms and don’t care how the parenting we idealize might hurt daughters

[lycandrophile]

i could honestly write a whole essay on how the internet’s obsession with romanticizing ‘girl dads’ while simultaneously making fun of ‘boy moms’ and gender reveal parties is directly related to a pervasive lack of care for trans men&mascs even among supposedly pro-trans people.

[totally-incorrect-theatre-quotes]

Photograph (Fanfic)

I call this “Paige didn’t want to study for chemistry anymore, got home from work late, and even though she said she was going to wait until after finals she compulsively wrote a 4,000 word short story”

Or ya know, “Photography” ...the title of the fanfic

To say Lydia was excited was an understatement. Her and three students from her photography club at school were nominated as finalists in a statewide competition, the winner of that would go on to the nationals. Lydia was the youngest of the four, the only freshman with two juniors and a senior so while she didn’t think her chances of winning were all that great she was just thrilled to have simply been nominated. Of her portfolio, the nominated piece was a photograph of a chemical reaction she had been doing in her chemistry club. Her photography teacher said it was the strangest photo he had ever seen, but he claimed to be mesmerized by it. He actually wanted her to submit another picture but she didn’t think it would be fair to submit photos she took with the help of Adam, Barbara, or Charles. None of the other students could be floated to an ideal location for a picture, so she simply took these for fun. 

Going to the competition was a  whole week off of school, and four hours away from home. Not that she hadn’t been away from home before, her parents used to send her to sleep-away-camps all the time when she was little, but this would be the first time she would be away from her family since….well she didn’t want to think about it that way. She just wanted to be able to go and have a good time like a normal person would. She marked down the days on the calendar in the kitchen excitedly as the trip approached. Breaking the news to Beetlejuice was the hardest, even though he didn’t like to admit it he thought Lydia was funny and without her, it would just be adults in the house. Lydia promised to make it up to him and that they’d play a fun prank on her dad and Delia when she got back. In the end, the negotiated deal was two pranks on her dad and Delia as well as the guarantee that she would bring him back a zagnut from wherever she was going because “they taste different depending on where they’re from.” Lydia didn’t argue with him on that as the discussion had already gone on longer than she would have liked. 

It was the night before the trip and shockingly the person most anxious was Barbara. She help Lydia pack her bag, constantly asking her if twelve outfits would be enough for a seven-day trip or if she needed a new toothbrush even though the one she had was perfectly okay, and hardly a month old. She expected this kind of behavior from her helicopter parent of her father but he was actually very laid back about the whole situation, probably trying to not overwhelm her because even though Lydia denied it she was anxious about the whole thing. Not only that but she really did want to win. She worked really hard at her hobbies, and it took her begging her teacher to let her redo the reaction eight different times just so she could get the photo exactly how she wanted it. She knew her shot of winning was really slim considering that not only was she the youngest in her group from school but she was one of the youngest in the whole competition. She was right in between the two different age categories as a freshman, but she managed to be nominated. 

Lydia was sitting on her bed, the suitcase of her belongings on the floor beneath her. She glanced around the room trying to make sure there wasn’t something important she was forgetting when she smacked herself on the head for forgetting to grab at least one of her cameras. She picked up her favorite camera, though she only had two and the one was a very old polaroid camera she only used for aesthetic purposes and walked down to the kitchen to see what everybody else was up to that night. It must have been later than she expected because the only person downstairs was Barbara who was making herself her typical late-night snack of peanut-butter toast drizzled with honey. 

“Too excited for tomorrow that you can’t sleep?” Barbara asked

Lydia shrugged, “No, I was just going over my last-minute checklist. Making sure I had all my ducks in a row.”

“Oh, so you’re back to being the duck queen?”

Lydia went to playfully smack Barbara’s arm but her hand simply slide through her as Barbara went non-solid to avoid the blow. Both laughed and she gestured for Lydia to join her in the late-night feast. 

“I’m only teasing. So do you think you’re ready? Have you written your acceptance speech for when you blow the competition out of the water and win first prize.”

“Unlikely, all the other pictures I’ve seen look really impressive and I haven’t even gotten to see people from out of our district. I’m just looking forward to getting to spend time with my friends on the trip, they already talked about staying up late to tell ghost stories,” she laughed, “I guess I will be winning that game.”

“And you’re sure that you have everything all set? Did you pack your camera.”

She nodded and pointed at the camera around her neck, “It would take a lot for me to lose this thing.”

“And you have an extra outfit for every day of the trip plus the fancy dress that your dad bought for you to wear to the awards ceremony.”

Lydia simply groaned in response to that one. Her dad should understand by this point that she isn’t a bright and colorful kind of girl, but he insisted on a red and blue dress, arguing that black is too formal for the event she’s attending. The dress wasn’t ugly, it just wasn’t her style at all, but the fact that her dad went out of his depths to get it for her made her a little more willing to compromise and wear it. 

“And it’s four hours away from here, do you have all your medicines packed. I know you’re allergic to penicillin so even if you have to go to the doctor out there because you got some kind of infection don’t let them prescribe you penicillin, amoxicillin, ampicillin-”

“I think I’m old enough to know my own allergies,” she laughed, “Besides I’m not sick so I don't think I’ll be needed an antibiotic any time soon.”

“Just making sure, and if you don’t like what they have to eat I convinced your dad to give you an extra twenty dollars so you can go buy yourself something else because I know you and you’d rather just skip that meal than say you don’t like something. I know it’s part of your anxiety so I figured this would be the easiest solution for you. So no skipping meals okay?”

“I did that twice because they were serving fish at school!” Lydia retorted trying not to be a little agitated with the lack of confidence Barbara had in her about this trip. She was still a kid, but she’s been alone before, she didn’t need the whole run down that she’s already gotten from her father and Delia. 

Barbara smiled at her gently and the agitation faded, “I’m just so proud of you! This is a huge deal and when you get back with your first place trophy.”

“Ribbon and that’s if I even get first place which I’m not-”

“We’re going to have a celebratory dinner and cake!”

“I don’t get cake if I don’t get first place?” Lydia faked whined, knowing the answer

“Nope, so you’d better hope you get first place because I don’t just make a vanilla cake with cream cheese frosting for anybody.”

Lydia rolled her eyes, and without even thinking the words slipped off her tongue, “Okay mom.”

Neither of them said anything, nobody wanting to be the person who acknowledged it. Lydia felt the heat rising to her face instantly and tried to stammer out some kind of correction but she just got more and more flustered the harder she tried to fix it. 

“No, no it’s okay!” Barbara tried to put the girl at ease but before she could even get the next sentence out Lydia ran upstairs and slammed her door shut. Feeling terrible Barbara tried to go and talk to Lydia but there was no answer when she knocked on the teenagers door. She only knew for sure that she was in there when something was thrown at the door in anger when Barbara tried talking to her through the door. She had no clue what she was supposed to do next, it was an accident. She knew Lydia didn’t mean to say it and Barbara certainly didn’t want to be viewed as a replacement for Emily. She never tried to be, she was always very careful about how she referred to Lydia. Though she often laments to Adam and Beetlejuice how Lydia is like the daughter she never got to have, she would never dream to say that to Lydia’s face. Instead, she tried to seem more like a friendly aunt who just so happened to live upstairs and also be there for Lydia anytime she needed her and help her with her homework and school problems. Suddenly Barbara felt really guilty, she hadn’t even realized it until then but she really did encroach into the motherly role maybe a little too much for Lydia’s comfort. She had been pretty overbearing about this trip ever since Lydia told her about it. She should have read the signals Lydia was giving a little more closely, then maybe this whole thing wouldn’t have happened. She didn’t notice that she was sitting with her back to her door until a groggy but concerned Charles was standing in front of her.

“What happened?” Barbara asked him

“I guess I could ask you the same thing. I just about thirty texts from Lydia telling me that she doesn’t want to go on the trip anymore. That she isn’t feeling well and doesn’t want to get anybody else sick and ruin it for them. You’ve clearly been with her tonight, what are we talking because I’m pretty squeamish. I can deal with her having a cough but please don’t tell me she has the stomach flu. I’m no good at seeing other people puke.”

“She’s not sick. Look this is all my fault, I’ve really been overstepping my bounds recently with this whole trip four hours away. I’ve been on her case about making sure she has everything packed and I know she didn’t mean it...Charles, she called me mom earlier. In the kitchen.”

He sighed, placing his hand on his temples, “Not exactly the problem I thought I would have to handle tonight, but I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Look no offense, but I think it might be for the better if I’m the one who talks to her. She’s probably confusing her anger at herself for being angry at you.”

“Yeah, I’d be careful walking in. She threw something at the door when I was trying to talk to her. It sounded like it broke, I’m not sure if it’s glass.”

Barbara desperately wanted to make sure Lydia was okay but she knew Charles was right, it was better off if she left Lydia to cool down about the whole situation. She couldn’t imagine how confused she must feel. It’s one thing to accidentally call a teacher mom, but Lydia’s situation was a world of difference. She wandered around the house aimlessly for a little while until she just went back into the attic and told Adam about what happened. 

“Well I mean it’s kinda cute that she called you mom.”

Barbara threw her book at her husband, “Adam! No, it’s not, she was really upset about it. I feel awful.”

“I know you feel bad about it but that just means that Lydia loves you so much that she sees you as someone she can trust like a mother. I know she knows you aren’t trying to become the new Emily. Nobody could compete with Emily Deetz for her. Look she’s just embarrassed about it, she’ll get over it by the morning and I’m sure she’ll be feeling fine for her trip.”

“God if she doesn’t go because of me I’ll probably never forgive myself.”

“She’s a resilient girl, I’m sure she’ll come around.”

Barbara nodded and let her husband envelop her in a much-needed hug, “She’s our girl, huh?”

When Charles knocked on his daughter’s door it was a quick response of  “Go away Barbara.”

“It’s dad.”

The door creaked open and standing in front of him was a sullen Lydia wearing a nightdress that was a size too big for her, and rubbing aggressively at her eyes to cover up the fact that she had probably been crying, “What do you want? I told you I’m not feeling good.”

“Barbara told me about what happened.”

She scoffed, “Of course she did. Because everybody has to know how much of a freaking idiot I am.” 

“Do you want to talk about it.”

“No I don’t. I just want everybody to leave me alone, but nobody ever listens to me. Nothing that you’re going to say is going to do anything. I don’t want to go anymore, it’s simple as that. It has nothing to do with what happened. I just don’t feel like it anymore. I’m not going to win anyway so what’s the point of even going?” she crossed her arms and slumped back down on her bed, “I’m not even really friends with the other kids that are going. They’re all way older than me, they probably don’t even want a dumb freshman following them around like some lost puppy.”

Charles sat on the edge of her bed, careful not to disrupt the sleeping cat nestled between the covers. He put his hands on the bottom half of her curled up leg, “I think this sudden change of heart runs a lot deeper than you being afraid of not fitting in with the other kids.”

“Gee, what gave that away dad?”

Charles tried to ignore the sarcastic tone she was taking up, trying to understand that she was very emotional right now and didn’t mean to be disrespectful, “So do you want to talk about what’s really bothering you? Because I don’t think it’s Barbara either.”

There was no response from Lydia besides her shifting position to laying face down in the bed, her face smooshed into her pillow. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Lydia mumbled something but it was muffled by the pillow.

“What?”

“I’m happy!” Lydia shot up and shouted, “Okay? I’m happy and I’m not supposed to be. No, like I know I’m allowed to be happy but it’s just...ughh I just don’t know how to explain it. It’s just so confusing.”

“You’re upset because you’re happy?”

Lydia nodded, “It’s just that everything has been going good recently and I don’t like it. It feels wrong, I feel wrong about it.”

“Honey it’s a good thing that you’re feeling happy! That’s what you’ve been working on with your therapist and with all of us here. That’s just the natural progression of your progress.”

“I feel so guilty about it. Like I’ve got so much going on in my life now. I’ve got school and babysitting, and photography club and this competition, and I’ve got Wendy and all you guys. I feel like I’m forgetting about mom. I don’t think about her as much as I used to. I used to think about her constantly and some days all I get is a quick memory, how terrible is that? I can hardly remember what her voice sounds like anymore. I promised her, I promised myself that I would never forget her and I’ve apparently already replaced her in my mind!” She was getting erratic now, the words flying out of her mouth faster than Charles could process them, “I never thought about it until...I just can’t believe I did that.”

“Sweetheart, it isn’t that big of a deal. It was an accident, everybody knows that. You know that.”

“I called her mom!” She shouted, throwing herself back into her pillow again, “I called her mom, dad!”

“It’s okay, it just slipped out. She’s someone you love and value-”

“I have a mother!” Lydia was crying now, “I have a mother, and I just called another person mom. She only died a year and a half ago, I should still be mourning but instead, I went out and found a new mom. I bet she’s really happy about that in the Netherworld, “Oh Emily Deetz, no don’t bother sending any signs to Lydia anymore. She’s completely moved on, in fact, she gone and outright replaced you!” ”

“You’re being too harsh on yourself!” Charles tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t acknowledge him, “You aren’t forgetting about your mother, you are just going through life. It happens, we all get caught up in things in our lives. You’re young, and though a lot of older people would tell you that your life isn’t hard work you’re really busy! Truthfully I would be more concerned if it had been a year and a half and you still hadn’t been able to go about your life. This isn’t a bad thing, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad daughter because you don’t spend every waking minute thinking about her. You didn’t do that when she was here.”

She still kept her face buried in her pillow. Charles gently pushed her shoulder and rolled her over to look at him. Her eyes were glassy both from tiredness and sadness, “I feel like I’m betraying her and I know that makes me sound insane but it’s how I feel.”

“She would be so happy for you, you’re doing amazing things in your life and she would be so freaking proud of you. All of it, all the progress you’ve made. Just look at how far you’ve come, Lydia! I know how hard it must be for you to stop and wonder if you’re going through this right and honestly that’s just how life is sometimes. There’s a lot you will never know for certain but I can tell you right now that Emily would want above all else for you to be happy, to feel loved, and to love others. You’re doing all of that in spaids. So try not to feel guilty because you’re doing exactly what she would want you to do if she was here.” 

Lydia sat up and pulled her cat into her lap, a few tears that had been building up streaked down her face and she quickly wiped them away, “I shouldn’t have lashed out at Barbara. It’s not her fault that I called her mom.”

“She understands.”

“I don’t know why it’s affecting me so much, it’s just that this is the first time that I’m going to be away from all you guys, and I’m...I’m scared. Ever since mom died you’ve all at least been around somewhere, I always had somebody else there that knew what was going on and now I’m going to be going four hours away for a whole week all by myself. I haven’t gotten them as bad as I used to but what if I have a nightmare and they make fun of me? It’s bad enough that I’m the youngest one going but if I have a nightmare and start crying they’re all going to make fun of me.” Lydia began to get more worked up and she leaned her head on Charle’s shoulders in an attempt to soothe herself, “I’m always caught in between being okay and then feeling bad that I’m doing okay and then making myself worse! Then I just take it out on everyone else.”

“I get like this too Lydia, it just feels more intense for you because you’re younger. God when I first proposed to Delia I felt like I was betraying Emily too and then when I told you I was convinced that I was doing the wrong thing, but I eventually knew that she wouldn’t want me to be lonely for the rest of my life. She would know that I still loved her, and missed her.”

“I miss her too.” Lydia lamented as she gently scratched her cat behind the ears, “I wish she could be here for the competition because she would love some of the photographs. Doug Hilton took a picture of like a bunch of people wearing these super creepy rabbit masks in a cornfield. It’s a really neat picture, it scared the teacher but I loved it.”

“I’m sure she would love all of them. Especially yours, but not because she’s biased, but because it is the best.”

“You’re starting to sound like Barbara.” Lydia laughed, her guilt and anger slowly starting to fade away as she thought about how her mom would feel. 

“I’m serious though, you’ve got a real talent and I’d hate to see you miss out on this opportunity because you’re feeling afraid that enjoying yourself is somehow disappointing Emily. So what do you say? Do you still not want to go?”

Lydia thought about it for a second before shaking her head, “I want to go.”

Charles smiled at his daughter and patted her proudly on the shoulder, “I knew you would. Now it is way too late for you to still be up. You have to be on the bus for eight o’clock tomorrow morning, try to get some sleep okay?”

She nodded, laying down in her bed, pulling the covers up to her face and closing her eyes. Her cat purred as she snuggled up against Lydia’s stomach. Charles gave Lydia a soft kiss on the forehead before shutting the lights off and closing the door. 

In the end, Lydia didn’t win the competition. She was right that she was the youngest one there. First place went to a senior from a school she had never even hear of, but Lydia didn’t care. When she came back home after the week she sat at the dinner table telling everyone all the fun stories she had from her trip, laughing until her side hurt when Beetlejuice threw a piece of cake at her father’s face, but Charles’ just swiped her face with his finger and licked the frosting off in stride claiming he preferred his cake that way. Even though there was no blue first place ribbon attached to her photography it was framed and hanging on the wall alongside her invitation to the event. By the time everyone had been partied out that night it was just Lydia and Barbara still in the kitchen. Without saying a word Lydia leaped into a huge hug before trotting up happily to her room, her kitten scurrying behind her.

“That’s my girl,” Barbara whispered. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

1:Describe your favorite blanket? It’s a rose gold soft and fluffy throw blanket.  2:How many pillows do you sleep with? 2. I have like 6 on my bed, though. 3:What is a good memory you have with your parents? I have countless good memories. 4:How did you meet your first crush? My first crush was this kid, Philip, when I was in 3rd grade. He was like a grade or two above me. I was into an older guy. haha. 5:What are 3 things you like about your current crush/significant other? I don’t have one.

6:What do you have hanging on your walls? A few canvases (2 beachy ones and 1 giraffe one), a framed painting of a giraffe in a sweater lol, a small watercolor painting of a giraffe I got at a craft fair, 2 calendars with Alexander Skarsgard on them (I kept the one from last year for the photos), a big Swedish flag, an I Love Lucy clock, a bulletin board, and a marker board. 7:What book are you currently reading? I just started one called “The Girl in Cabin 13″ by A.J. Rivers.  8:What was the last movie you watched and what are your thoughts on it? The Invisible Man. It was really good. And creepy. 9:What's the best band that you discovered recently? I’ve discovered a few new artists recently, but not a new band. 10:How many types of social media do you use and what are they? Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. 11:What was/were you username(s) on instant messengers when you were younger? I had a lot of different ones. During my emo phase everything had X’s in it haha. I remember I had loserxfaceex, cutexdollfacee, and stupidmfx. lmao. Those were just a few of many. Others were lyrics and such.  12:What is your first memory of getting in trouble? When I lied about taking my medication for months. My mom found my stash hidden behind my bed one day and I was grounded for a month from the computer. My parents were so disappointed, which is the worst. They had to watch me take my medicine for awhile until they could trust me again. 13:What is an anecdote that your family frequently tells about you as a child? Just certain things I said or did as a kid. One that just came to mind is the one about my grandpa walking all over the house carrying a wailing baby me trying to calm me down while singing the words, “lookin for your mama.” lol. My favorite is the one about how for a good 10 minutes or so my mom and I went back and forth between me touching something I wasn’t supposed to and her tapping my hand to get me to stop. We did that for awhile. I’d cry after she did that for a bit and then go and touch it again and repeat. I was stubborn then and stubborn now haha. There’s so many more, but those two came to mind first. 14:If you could do anything with your hair what would you do? I love dyeing it red, so I’m gonna keep doing that. I love how long it is, too. I just don’t know how I want to style it. I should layer it. I kinda want bangs again, too. I don’t know. I also suck at styling it, I just throw it in a pony tail, braid, or bun and call it a day. 15:If you were to get a tattoo today what would you get? I’ve wanted to get “free bird” on my inner wrist for several years, but I’m a big baby. 16:What do you do when you can't fall asleep? So every night I watch YouTube, listen to ASMR, do some surveys, scroll through Tumblr, and check Pinterest until I go to sleep. 17:Do you prefer to primarily use external help (porn, etc.) or your imagination when you masturbate? 18:Can you remember how many people you've kissed? Yeah, it’s only been 3 people. 19:What is the story of your first kiss? It happened at our high school behind the drama department. We were there for the haunted house put on by the drama department, but we ended up skipping that and just hanging out. His friend was there, too. We ended up going off by ourselves as if to talk about something privately, but he leaned in and kissed me.  20:How open are you with your parents? I share a lot with my mom.  21:What was your first drink? Tequila shot. 22:If you smoke, what is your brand? I don’t. 23:What are your favorite genres for books? Movies? TV shows? Music? I love non-fiction, YA/NA, murder mystery, and psychological thriller books. Horror, psychological thriller, romantic comedy, comedy, drama, and some action and sci-fi movies. I like a lot of drama TV shows, reality TV, crime, thriller, and a few older sitcoms like The Golden Girls, Roseanne, and I Love Lucy. 24:What teachers have made the biggest impact on you? My 4th and 8th grade teacher, Mr. McG. He was my favorite teacher ever. He was the best. He was a teacher that just really loved what he did and cared about his students. He wanted them to do well and helped them do so. He made learning fun. Lol I actually cried on the last day of school in 4th grade. I was so excited when he ended up teaching 8th grade later on and I was able to have him again. My younger brother and a couple of my cousins had him, too, so I still saw him because of that and other times since. My mom worked at Borders and he used to go there all the time. He knew my mom and aunt, too. I also have him on Facebook. 25:Do you like writing letters? In middle school and some of high school my cousin and I used to write notes to each other all the time. I haven’t written a letter since then. 26:What is your favorite episode of your favorite show? I have several favorite TV shows. 27:What position(s) do you sleep in? I sleep slightly on my side with my head propped up a bit. I can’t sleep flat. 28:What is the first thing you remember lying about in your life? I don’t know. 29:What are the three most important traits you look for in a friend? Someone I just vibe and connect with. Have things in common with. Someone I can talk to. 30:Describe the relationship you have with your sibling(s)? My younger brother and I are close. My older brother and I don’t have a bad relationship, but we’re not close. It’s different. 31:How did you learn about sex? I remember we had sex ed starting in 6th grade. My mom also talked to me about it. I think I may have heard some things about it sooner than that, though, like on TV or movies. I remember once when I was a kid I turned the TV on and it was on HBO and there was a porno on lmao. HBO played movies, but at certain times it used to play stuff like that.  32:Describe your favorite outfit? All my many leggings and oversized graphic tees. And my Adidas stuff. 33:What do you like to do when you're sad to make you feel better? So what I do everyday: Tumblr, surveys, YouTube, and watch TV. With the addition of listening to music, coloring, and reading sometimes. Oh, and sleep. Some days I don’t feel like doing anything.  34:What kind of music do you like to listen to when having sex? 35:What kind of french fries are your favorite? I used to love french fries and I’d eat them all the time, but I don’t know I’m not as into them anymore. I don’t eat them much now. My appetite and what I eat has changed a lot these past few years.  36:What is your ideal breakfast? Scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach with country gravy and hash browns. A delicious muffin would be nice, too. And of course coffee is a must. 37:What is your comfort show/book/movie? I turn to YouTube more for that. Particularly ASMR. 38:What are some things you love about your best friends? My mom is very supportive, loving, caring, awesome, and funny. We like a lot of the same music, TV shows, and movies. I enjoy our talks about anything and everything. I like our grocery shopping trips and going to the movies. I love to just spend time together.  39:Do you shave any parts of your body, and if so what parts? Under my arms. Rarely my legs cause hair doesn’t really grow there. 40:What teacher/professor was your favorite and why? I talked about this already.

[atomicfilm]

What are some potential pitfalls in an ISTJ parent - INTP child relationship?

 I don’t have a lot of personal experience with ISTJs and ESTJs, as I don’t naturally gravitate towards them, but I’ll try my best! 

(I’m assuming you’re the ISTJ parent.)

TL:DR Biggest issues: emotional distance, discipline, authoritarianism, stubbornness from both parties. 

 ISTJ is The “Man”, INTP is The Rebel. 

 Please continue to read, because I do, in fact, offer suggestions. 

General

   First off, parent-child relationships can have a lot of turmoil regardless of type. If your child is older, particularly in middle school and high school and you feel like they’re acting out, really the best thing you can do is be open and honest with them. Tell them that you love them and you’re having a difficult time understanding their behavior. Don’t blame anyone when you say this. Don’t criticize them. At all. Or you will shut them out more. Communication is at the heart of every relationship. It’s quite possible that if this is your situation that they are upset and don’t know how to come to you with problems. I was so moody in middle school and my mom sometimes drags me for it, but it was because I was being bullied, anxious, and coming to terms with my identity. I didn’t know how to talk to my mom about basic things and that was because she never offered to talk nor did she ever talk to her mom herself. 

   Now we have a much healthier relationship and it’s because we started talking to each other about what we expect from one another and started sharing our more personal stories. I’m so thankful for that change, even if at first it did involve some yelling. (Hopefully, other people can avoid that.) 

  Accept them. Allow them to talk. Don’t scold them when they come to you. Ask them questions and if they don’t want to answer then wait for them to be ready to come to you. It’s better that they’re being honest and seeking help. 

 Also, provide them with what they need. Whether that’s tampons, birth control, therapy, whatever it is that could affect their health. If there are fiscal issues, look for solutions together. 

INTP specific

Overview: 

  J vs. P: Ahh! Judgers, in general, don’t like Perceivers because our style of approaching problems is so different. Where a Judger might try to come up with a bulleted list of how to proceed, Perceivers usually look for a starting point and the rest of the plan is flexible. Judger’s also tend to be less spontaneous and more precise. My best friend is an ISFJ and my boyfriend is an INTJ, they both like to complain about how I’m easily distracted, distracting, and always jumping from one thing to the next. But what I really love about Judger’s is that they’re grounding. They have a certain intensity to them that helps me to focus. They’re usually also great at explaining things thoroughly, whereas, I tend to not follow a linear train of thought, even if I’m giving an in-depth explanation. I’m not a detail-oriented person and sometimes I think people get weighed down by them, but I still think it can be a beautiful trait to have as well.  

  We have our differences! They work great together if you recognize that and don’t put too much pressure on them to change. Your INTP might need you to tell them to remind them about their homework that’s due every once in a while (but don’t be a helicopter parent, please). They might need you to walk them through a math problem or get them a tutor. Don’t ignore that. But also, embrace it when they don’t want to stay on schedule (life might be more fun) and if you’re trying to solve something, their Ti-Ne will generate many logical solvencies, they just need you to help eliminate some. Essentially, don’t pressure them, do guide them. Both of you should be mature and understand what you want. If they complain, listen. If they don’t listen when you complain, ask them politely. 

 My mom was always like “eh, you have A’s, you don’t need help from me”. I struggled so, so much with stress and being the “ideal child”. It’s too late now (I’m accepted into college), but I wish she would have asked me if I was having trouble at school, rather than completely ignore me because I’m smart. We did recently have a conversation about how I needed to skip a day of school for my mental health and she was very accepting of that. I was having a really difficult time because of personal issues that  I won’t disclose but little things mean so much to INTPs. 

  Your kid is going to do things one way or another if they have a lot of willpower. The only thing you can truly control is whether or not they resent you. But for certain things, like arguing against them becoming substance abusers, you have science on your side and it’s no secret that INTPs love science. 

S vs. N: 

 ISTJs are usually much more traditional than INTPs. INTPs are very specific to themselves, so much so that saying they’re “unconventional” is an injustice. They’re on a scale of their own. Sorry in advance, but you are raising a baby alien. And they probably feel like that too. Intuitives are stereotypically visionaries, sensors are stereotypically conservative (with the exception of xSxPs). Honestly, I don’t think it matters at all that you’re a sensor. Just try not to bog them down with too many details, again, or force them into doing things your way all the time. 

  INTPs are so independent, I really can’t imagine that bossing them around will work in your favor. I’m lucky because my mom’s an INFP and she likes me to lead, but ISTJs tend to be leaders too, so there could be a lot of clashing in terms of power. My best advice is to let them do their own thing as much as possible without trying to fit them into a mold. If you need to discipline them, try to use positive affirmations if they respond to them. 

 My mom jokes that my ISTJ grandma is afraid of me because I’m the only person she’s ever met who won’t obey her. Yelling doesn’t work on me. 

  Also, don’t ask them to make too many of your decisions for you either. Not to be emo, but we want to be loners. My issue with my own mother is that she expects me to do things like work out the legalities of her land deeds and do her taxes. I’m 17! I don’t want to think about those things until I’m a little older. But if an INTP sees you struggling, we’re softies who love to help, so our nature will likely kick in anyways. 

Cognitive Functions:

INTP - Ti-Ne-Si-Fe

ISTJ - Si-Te-Fi-Ne

We share introverted sensing and extraverted intuition! A great start. 

 Si: ISTJs have it as their primary function. Having sensing first is fantastic if you love to socialize. INTPs tend to be antisocial (whoops) at least with people they don’t know well. This could be a conflict if you expect them to go to a lot of events like work parties that they don’t want to attend. They’ll probably throw a fit if you press them enough. However, since you’re both introverts, you probably understand that they want to crawl into a small, dark space by themselves for a while instead. If they don’t want to go to your events, tell them to invite a close friend over instead. Maybe once a week. They do need to socialize, even if they don’t want to. Just expect their threshold to be lower than yours. 

  What’s good about it? We both like to compare/contrast our memories with current events. We both remember a lot of details about people/things we find significant. We both need a routine (but try to mix it up slightly for INTPs because we need stimulation as much as we like comfort). We both are practical and fact-oriented. 

  Your INTP probably highly respects you. That’s the most important part. I find Si to be overwhelming if someone only talks about other people and their experience with them. Simply because I don’t care enough what Sally did on June 15, 1983 if it’s not immediately relevant. 

 INTPs hate small talk. With a burning passion. When I meet people I immediately talk to them about their hopes, dreams, theories, favorite historical periods, inside jokes, ect. Not about what they ate for breakfast. We have high standards for entertainment. 

Ti vs Te: 

  Ti is like “let’s interpret what’s happening internally”. Te is more like “hey, let’s categorize what’s happening externally as objectively as possible”. INTPs are heavily invested in fixing themselves if you haven’t heard. They want to be the ultimate human and then inspire people from that point. Te users tend to be obsessed with fixing the world first. That’s not to say INTPs and ISTJs won’t share common ground, however. We can definitely rant to you about why that bike rack should be in a different place or how the political system is corrupt. 

  However, first and foremost, we’ll silently be analyzing all of our own issues and try to solve them. On our own. This is our fatal flaw and best asset. You probably only see it as their best asset. It only works for so long before we become so stressed we may combust. Your INTP may be deeply insecure, even if they come off as confident. So remind them frequently that you admire them and it’s okay for them to ask you for help. 

  We’re perfectionists. Try to discourage that early on. No one needs to be perfect. That’s way too much pressure to put on anybody. 

 Ti is very critical and reflective, making it really good for debate and self-improvement. But it’s soul-crushing if it’s turned too far towards inwards. 

Think of Ti as having anxiety. When it’s negative, you think about everything you’ve ever done wrong, over and over, until you have a solution. On the flip side, Ti users ponder proactively a lot too and come up with creative theories.

 So going off of that, your INTP may be feeling so insecure or confused that they take it out on you. Talk to them. Work out what’s going on in their head externally. It may prove helpful. 

  Te-users are also sometimes more managerial. Let your INTP go with the flow.

   And finally, Te-users can be on the colder side with their affections. If you think parents shouldn’t shower their children with affection, throw that thought away. Tell your kid you think they’re smart and you love them. Give them a hug if that’s something they’re comfortable with. Like everyone deep down, we need affirmation!

Fi vs. Fe:

YIKES. Fi is the killer of INTPs everywhere. 

Well, ISTJs don’t emote too much. Which is both good and bad. It’s good because INTPs don’t respect emotional people very often. It’s bad because you’re a parent and a human, not a robot. 

  What I’ve noticed is that ISTJs typically yell when they’re upset but are less giving when it comes to affection. That’s obviously not a good combination. 

   Don’t practice tough love. That’s garbage. Absolute garbage. If you find yourself saying frequently “they’ll thank me later” you probably are just trying to justify doing something harmful. Children need to be nurtured! Not pushed around. Sometimes they do need more discipline but INTPs don’t respond well to authority, so again, you’ll probably hurt your relationship more than you’ll gain anything else. 

  Try to avoid escalating arguments into spitting matches. If you’re feeling hot-headed, leave the conversation. I bet your INTP already did. Then come back later and try to resolve it when you’re less angry. This overlaps with the difference between Te-Ti a bit too. 

  INTPs bottle their emotions for prolonged periods and then spill them all at once. Encourage them to share with you or another trusted figure more often. Otherwise, you’ll see the worst side of your INTP much more than you need to. 

   INTP’s Fe means that we want to please you. We want a harmonious environment. If we can’t figure out how to get it, we’ll look for a new environment. We usually try to understand your emotions even if they’re kind of foreign to us. Fi from our perspective is like “LOOK AT ME I’M SAD LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW SEE ME CRY HELLO PAY ATTENTION TO ME”. Yes, that was exaggerated. But that’s what it looks like to us. It appears selfish and explosive. Do what you can to tone it down.

 You’ll win us over with compelling logic, not necessarily pathos. 

Ne: Ne is the best. Hands down. Ne is my favorite thing ever. It’s how I communicate on a daily basis. It’s unfortunate that it’s so low in the ISTJ stack because I rarely see it. But honestly, it saves the relationship in my opinion. I have very little in common with that ISTJ grandmother I mentioned but what do we have in common? She watches a lot of movies and I’m going to be a film major. 

 So instead of using that Ne to generate a lot of small talk and gossip, which is one of my largest problems with ISTJs, use it to generate conversations about your common interests. 

 Afterword: 

  Your INTP is likely going to be nothing like you and that’s okay. It’s amazing that you’ve raised an entire human being and even more beautiful that they’re not a mass-produced model of their parents. It will likely be a rocky road but I’m sure they love you so much. They just might not feel safe in expressing it. Which is sad, yes, but not a reason to give up. 

 I’d like to add that I actually really like my ISTJ grandmother (my mother does not, because she had to be raised by her and my grandmother is very domineering to most people). 

 Here are some reasons why I love her:

- She’s so good with physical projects. She loves to bake, she loves to scrapbook, she loves to knit. In that regard, she’s awesome! She’s the ideal grandma and she has a lot to teach me. I’m not a physical person at all and she’s helped to balance me out a bit. I can’t knit, but I can cook, and I definitely didn’t learn that from anyone else. 

- She’s funny! She has an amazing sense of humor and her eyes get all bright and shiny when she’s happy. 

- We have similar political beliefs even if she’s much more traditional than I am. She’s actually the only person in my family I like to talk to about current events. She’s lived through so many and she actually pays attention. In this case, being detailed-oriented helps her a lot. 

- She’s good at decision-making and I can be indecisive. 

- She’s very honest to me at least. I like to ask her about family history and her own beliefs and that’s interesting. She’s the only person who cares about genealogy and the only person who knows anything about my great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents. 

- She loves me.

 You will be fine. Just don’t be judgy and bossy. 

I hope this helps! Feel free to ask me for more advice. 

[metalbatandzenko]

All the colors!!

Link to the original post so you can reblog it yourself :)

zinc white: how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

Better now than I was the first time I answered this because I got my work done, but still pretty burnt out.

cadmium yellow: when you think of the word “happy” what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Writing.

lemon: what’s your comfort food?

Homemade fried rice is my go to.

hansa yellow: what’s your guilty pleasure song?

I mentioned previously that I don’t really have a guilty pleasure song bc I’m pretty open about all the music I listen to, but one song I will scream out is Take On Me by Aha

yellow ochre: name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

I didn’t just discover her, but Tanerélle...her music is so good and she’s so hot..I’m gay

naples yellow: where do you feel most at home?

San Jose’s Japantown on the weekend of Obon.

raw sienna: with whom do you feel most at home?

With my closest friends.

golden ochre: describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

I don’t think I have a “closest” friend, but my relationship with my group is pretty casual. We send each other things that remind us of one another, we joke and have fun together but we’re there for one another...I’d trust them with my life.

golden deep: what’s your favorite season?

Over the Garden Wall Season Fall. I love the crispness in the air, the colors, the foods...it’s all so good.

cadmium orange: what do you like to do on your days off?

I write so much. I honestly can’t remember my last day off.

orange lake: do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

I think so. I always worry that I’m putting too much on someone but I also trust my friends to assert their boundaries when they need it.

titans: do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings?

Relaxing evenings. But I’ll take quiet mornings over both of them.

shakhnazaryan red: are you currently binge-watching anything?

Nope. I might rewatch otgw though.

red ochre: are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

My dad would say left brained, my mom would say right brained. I agree with my mom.

burnt sienna: is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it?

Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night. Both the more famous one and Starry Night over the Rhône:

english red: what animal do you relate to most?

Owls.

vermilion: what’s your favorite accent?

I grew up listening to and speaking Hawaiian Pidgin at home. I’ve lost the language, but hearing it soothes me.

cadmium red: do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other?

Tall dark and handsome Capricorns regardless of gender. I’ve dated three people who fit this profile and liked seven others. I didn’t know any of them were Capricorn’s until after I liked them.

scarlet: describe your current crush/es.

I actually don’t have one. Unless you count the celeb crush I have on one of my mutuals on twitter akdbrbrb

ruby: what does your ideal first date look like?

Honestly I like lowkey, so probably a coffee shop date or doing something fun like bowling. Maybe if the first activity goes well we can hit a museum or botanical garden then get a quick bite (like in’n’out) after. God I’m so stereotypical skfbrbr

carmine: what does your ideal second date look like?

Definitely a botanical garden or museum if we haven’t already, then a slightly nicer dinner. This is not a high standard. A Chili’s counts.

madder lake red: would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

I mean. I have in the past so. Akdbrbvtbr I’ve kissed people I haven’t even been dating nor interested in romantically! It’s 2020 lemme kiss my friends!

rose: what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

Honestly Hidden Horns. It’s been so much fun to work on.

quinacridone rose: what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

Seeing my friends and family again. On top of everything going on right now, I live in a different state than my friends and extended family. I miss them.

violet rose: what does your dream house look like?

Not too large. Something with a bedroom for me and my significant other, a guest bedroom, a nice bathroom and a very nice kitchen. Ideally something with a nice view and large windows where I could watch the sun rise and set.

violet: is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down?

Honestly I’d love to move back to California somewhere. Either somewhere near my hometown, or in Southern California

blue lake: what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

I’d like to publish a book to be honest.

cobalt blue spectral: what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to go to Japan on a trip sponsored by the Japanese government. Words really cannot describe how beautiful Japan is.

The first picture is of Odaiba, in Tokyo. The second row is from a small fishing town in Hokkaido. Those are the only picture I had of it that didn’t have a ton of people in them.

The last picture is from the 45th floor of the Tokyo Metropolitan Building in Shinjuku Tokyo. The picture doesn’t do it justice. For how bright the lights were, the stars were out in full force. It was hard to tell where the buildings ended and the sky began.

ultramarine: when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

Earlier this evening my dog played with three other dogs.

blue: what’s the most recent dream you remember?

I was choking last night. That’s all I remember.

bright blue: what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I’m married to my lovely wife, and we have two kids, a boy and a girl. We also have a dog named Meatball.

blue cobalt: do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

My mom chose my name and my brother chose my American name based off a character in an kid’s show. I wouldn’t change them for the world.

prussian azure: what’s your favorite scent?

Fresh bread, the smell before and after it rains, redwood, cinnamon, lavender.

azure blue: what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

I grew up on genmaicha. It’s a type of green tea that’s brewed with roasted brown rice, which mellows out the bitterness and adds an earthy flavor.

turquoise blue: if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

Snapdragons definitely. They’re my favorite flower. Probably some tulips, gardenias, carnations, violas and lavender as well. For herbs, peppermint, basil, thyme and chives. And probably an apple tree.

cerulean blue: if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

I mean it’s a form of income so I’d be down.

glauconite: describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

I’m tall and broad shouldered, with a long torso and long arms. I’m a bit busty. I’ve got violin hips, strong calves, and solid thighs. I walk on my toes. I have high cheekbones, pursed lips, and almond eyes framed with long lashes.

yellow green: picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

I’m on a rolling hill of wild grass and wildflowers. The grass shimmers and ripples like the surface of the sea in the breeze. Through it, I see a blanket laid out under a California Oak tree. I can hear the wind, and birds in the distance.

green light: are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

Kind of? I’m stable enough bc I’m living with my parents, but I’m also closeted. I’m hoping to move out soon.

green: name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

I’d love to go back to Japan, see New Zealand and visit the Basque Country in Spain. I don’t have any plans to though, I don’t have money for that.

emerald green: do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

My grasp on Japanese is pathetic and I’ve lost my pidgin. I’d love to regain them.

oxide of chromium: what’s your favorite book?

Chronicles of Prythian.

olive green: are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far?

The Shape Of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch. It’s so painful but cathartic.

mars brown: what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

Emperor’s New Groove!

burnt umber: what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

Sleep.

umber: have you drank enough water today?

...no

voronezhskaya black: what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

Either a friend or my second twitter ajdbfb

sepia: name five things that always make you happy.

Seeing my friends.

People commenting on my writing.

Seeing people like things I made for them.

Watching Lilo and Stitch.

Listening to my shitty nostalgia playlist.

indigo: what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received?

I mentioned this before but my professor and mentor figure described me to her colleague as “fast to laugh, even faster to smile”. I also had someone tell me I had a genuine gift for writing and that my piece moved them to tears after they read a Nonfiction piece I wrote.

payne’s gray: describe your aesthetic?

Something out of a Hozier song. Things being reclaimed by nature. Earth tones. Misty forests. Knives. Ornate clothing.

Alternately: young hot suburban dad who all the moms have a crush on.

black: post a selfie because you are so beautiful!

[winnipegpatty]

to all the boys i’ve loved before [pt. iii] | s.m.

a/n: ummmm this baby is a little over 3k and has an entire beautiful sappy cutesy fluffy scene that is not in the movie, i love it. i’m so happy with it. pls enjoy i hope you enjoy. send me some feedback if you would, i love hearing from you!

part i. part ii.

I was used to being invisible. But with Shawn by my side, people were looking at me. Talking about me. I could practically feel Gen’s eyes searing into my back as I walked through the cafeteria with Shawn, his hand in my back pocket. And he thought that wouldn’t do the trick. He spun me around to face him, and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But it wasn’t because the people were looking at us, it was because Shawn was looking at me. His eyes were always so intense, and how does he look like he cares so much when this is all for show?

“This is for you,” Shawn whispered into my ear, as he handed me a note. There were little music notes on the paper. My first lyrical note from Shawn Mendes. What an accomplishment. “Good job. I’ll see you in a bit?”

It was weird and almost off putting, being congratulated for doing nothing more than accepting a note, and having an ass pocket for Shawn to stick his hand into. But, I guess that’s where life has me now.

___

A knock on the front door interrupted a serious baking session that I was right in the middle of. And when I say it was an interruption, I mean it was the biggest interruption it possibly could have been. It was a Shawn Mendes sized interruption, and one I wasn’t exactly wanting to deal with currently.

“Hello to you too, Pillsbury Dough Boy.” Shawn muttered to me as he stepped into the house. It was a fair comment, I suppose. I was wearing an apron and was covered in flower. So I wasn’t a master chef, sue me.

“I’m making cupcakes for Sofia’s bake sale,” I replied flatly.

“You know brownies would be so much easier. That’s what my mom always did.”

“Shawn Peter Raul Mendes, what are you doing here?”

Shawn laughed at the name, “What did you not read my note? It wasn’t just an amazingly written lyric ya know? I’m taking you to a party.”

“What? No you aren’t.”

“Uh, yes. I am,” Shawn fought. “First off, Gen’s gonna be there. Second of, parties are in the contract. And you can’t go back on the contract. A deal’s a deal.”

I rolled my eyes at him, “I’m sorry. I can’t go.”

“Can’t go to what?” My dad waltzed into the conversation at the exact wrong moment. He knew I had nothing to do today. Tonight. Or ever, really. “Is that Shawn Mendes?” He looked at Shawn with wide eyes. “Little Shawn Mendes? You’re as tall as me now.”

Shawn laughed, “It’s good to see you Dr. Y/L/N.”

“You can call me Dan.”

“I’m just here to pick up Y/N and take her to a party. The parents will be home, and I will have her home early.” God he’s so good. Too good. He knows exactly how to work parents. What a shocker. “Is it alright if we go?”

“Yes!” Dad practically shouted in glee at the same time as I said, “Noooo.”

“I can’t go, I have to finish these cupcakes. I promised Sof.”

“I think Sof and I can handle some cupcakes, you go have fun with your friends.”

___

“Shawn really, please I don’t want to go.”

Shawn was basically dragging you up the stairs to the house party at this point. And Shawn wasn’t having any of your lame ass excused. “No, Nope. Nope. We’re going. It’s in the contract.”

We stood outside the door for a moment, and I nervously began pulling my hair into my favorite scrunchie before Shawn was grabbing my hands. “What are you doing? Stop.”

He took the scrunchie from me, despite my protest. “Stop, I like your hair down.” And if it were for his dumb stupid kind eyes, you would have fought him on it. “You look pretty, and I’ll prove it to you.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly took a picture of me before I could ruin it with some silly face.

“Fine, but you can’t lose that. It’s my favorite scrunchie.”

“Deal, now give me your phone.”

“Why?”

Shawn rolled his eyes, “Would you trust me?” Sure. Why not. Why wouldn’t I trust my fake boyfriend who up until a week ago, only spoke to me if forms of apologies for his horrible ex girlfriends behavior.

Shawn took an admittedly cute selfie and made it the background on my phone, pulling out his phone with the picture of me he’d just taken of me as his background. “Now, let’s gooooo.”

I tried one last protest, before he was pulling me into the depths of the party.

Shawn almost immediately left my side to get us drinks. I found myself floating around, awkwardly, hovering over peoples games or conversations, until Gen called out after me.

“Hey Y/N come sit with us,” one of Gen’s friends called.

Figuring this is exactly what the parties were in the contract for, I ventured over at sat.

“So, you and Shawn? Spill the deets.” Gen’s same friend said.

“Well? What do you want to know?” There wasn’t much to know, other than the fact that it was all fake, but that was obviously off limits.

“Well everything, duh.”

“Drop it,” Gen told her friend, “They obviously haven’t done anything because it’s Y/N.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Gen?” I asked quickly.

“It’s pretty simple. I know Shawn. And I know you. And Shawn doesn’t go for people like you. So you really don’t have to pretend, honey. He might have kissed you in the seventh grade, but we all know that meant nothing.” Gen laughed as she stood up to leave, “Would you like a drink? A juice box? Maybe some chocolate milk.”

“I’m good, Shawn’s actually getting me a drink. But thanks for the offer.” I threw my best smug smile at Gen, right as Shawn hopped over the couch.

“Hey babe.”

Gen was leaving now, but Shawn didn’t seem too concerned. I took my drink from his hand and took a sip, smiling up at him. In another world, where Shawn Mendes wasn’t...well Shawn Mendes, he’d actually be the perfect boyfriend. He was so pretty. The curls were irresistible. And he had this perfect mix of charm and class that just made everything about him ideal. But that wasn’t the world I lived in. I lived in the world where Shawn Mendes was hopelessly in love with Gen. No matter how horrible she was.

“Hey let’s take a selfie,” Shawn says.

I leaned in a gently kissed his cheek as he snapped the photo. If anyone ever asked me, I’d deny it, but being with Shawn was comfortably easy. I’d expected to be annoyed constantly by childish behavior. Or maybe that he’d try and push the boundaries we’d set. But...I was wrong. About everything really. It made sense why Gen had liked him, but Shawn liking someone like Gen; that was different.

___

“Where are we going?” I asked as Shawn drove away from the party.

It’d only been an hour since you’d arrived, and there was still at least a solid two hours before Dad would expect Shawn to have me home by. Shawn’s excuse for leaving: “I just can’t handle Gen’s eyes on us anymore. It’s unnerving. And annoying.” I’d been under the impression that Gen’s lingering eyes were the exact reason for our situation to begin with. But it’s not like I wanted to stay at the party, so I’d followed as he pulled me through the house without an argument.

“Just...be quiet.” Shawn huffed.

Folding my arms across my chest, I replied. “Fine, but I’m putting on music at least.”

Fleetwood Mac quickly filled the speakers of Shawn’s Jeep as he rolled down both the front windows and threw his arm out of the window. Not even a few minutes later, Shawn was grunting in frustration as he hit the steering wheel.

“Shawn, what’s wrong?” I asked quietly.

He just shook his head staying silent. I honestly didn’t know how to handle a frustrated Shawn. Especially when I didn’t know what had him in the mood to begin with, so I stayed silent, deciding to hum quietly to the songs instead.

Fifteen minutes later, and Shawn was still driving. He’d still given no clues to where, in fact he hadn’t said a single word since entering the car. But the tension in his shoulders had eased when Leather and Lace by Stevie Nicks came on. He smiled at the road, and sang the song under his breath. He didn’t know I was paying attention, but how could I not. A relaxed Shawn was something special to witness, let me tell you.

Ten minutes later, and whatever was on Shawn’s mind upon getting into the Jeep was a distant memory. He was happily, and might I add loudly, singing along to Slow Hands. He’d occasionally throw funny glances my way, and hopefully he couldn’t see the fond look that I know was creeping onto my face. That would just be embarrassing. But how could you not look at this Shawn Mendes and be fond? He was giggly and happy and just being himself? I honestly don’t think I’d ever seen this version of Shawn before, now that I think about it.

“So where you taking us, bub?”

Shawn shot up an eyebrow at the name, but said nothing.

“Geesh, Y/L/N, just let me surprise you, will you?”

You choked out a laugh, trying not to think too hard about Shawn putting together a “surprise” when this was all just supposed to be fake. (For something so fake, it had a way of feeling kind of real.)

A couple minutes later, Shawn pulls his Jeep onto a deserted dirt road, and I’m just now realizing that you’d left the suburbs behind quite some time ago. We’d been driving on somewhat country roads for a while now.

“You’re gonna kill me in the woods, aren’t you?” I deadpanned.

“And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids,” Shawn joked right back. Shawn rolled his eyes at me before continuing, “Seriously though, shut up for like five minutes, and you’ll see.”

Deciding to once again not argue (a novel idea really), I just leaned back and surveyed the surroundings. You know, just incase I had to call the authorities.

But really all there was to look at were trees. Like...lots of trees. And a minute later, Shawn was driving through the woods. On a somewhat paved path. And suddenly, I was very thankful that we’d taken his Jeep to the party, and not my rinky dink car. It most definitely would not have made the drive.

And as if Shawn had timed it perfectly, he came to a stop in a small clearing of the woods as Slow Hands came to a dramatic close.

Shawn turned off the car and reached into the back of his Jeep where he pulled out a thick fleece blanket.

“You just have blankets laying around back there, Mendes?”

“Actually, yes.” Shawn looked directly at me, “My mom always told me to have a blanket in my car incase I got stranded while it was cold.”

I blinked at him for a moment, not expecting a real response. “Valid,” I finally muttered, hoping not to look like the fucking idiot I truly, truly was in this moment. “So what are we doing?”

Shawn hopped out of the Jeep, blanket in hand, and rushed over to my door to help me out of the Jeep. The grass was getting wet under my feet from the dew forming. Shawn’s hand held mine as he guided me further into the clearing, and again, I’m just hit with the this feeling too real. Not fake enough. Not manufactured. This was not in the contract. But pushing the anxieties aside, I could see the moment forming around me. Almost as if I were observing from the outside.

Shawn laid out the blanket on the grass, and layed down, gesturing for me to do the same. Eventually, after standing astonished for a second too long, I followed suite. Close enough to him to feel his body heat radiating out, but not close enough to touch.

“So we’re here because…” I whispered, not wanting to interrupt the quiet atmosphere.

“Because, sometimes you just gotta get away, you know?” Shawn’s face turned to look at me. “You know sometimes I think I like Gen, but then there are days like today when I can’t understand why I bother with her,” his breath fanned over my face, intermingling with my own. “You know she cornered me, in the bathroom of all places.” He turned to look back at the stars. “She just pisses me off so much, Y/N. I wish I could just be like you, ya know?”

I didn’t really mean to laugh, but it came out anyway. “Like me? What do you mean?”

“You’re not afraid of her.”

I scoffed, “Shawn, I’m terrified of her.”

He shook his head, still not looking at me. But I was looking at him, how could I not? “No you aren’t. Like that day she was making fun of your boots. And you didn't even fucking care. You didn’t let it get to you? You told me she had a chemical imbalance,” Shawn giggled softly as his hand came to cover his mouth. Almost as if he hadn’t meant to laugh at something so rude.

“You remember all that?” I asked shyly.

“Yeah, I mean… I couldn’t say anything because we were together. But...those shoes weren’t just cool. I thought they were….you looked hot in them. They worked well on you, yeah?”

“Thank you…” I whispered.

Staring at the stars with Shawn Mendes was surreal. The night was beautiful, the stars were shining, and Shawn’s gravitational pull felt indeniable. Like, I had to be closer to him. I didn’t want to be closer to him, god, no. He’s Gen’s ex boyfriend. And Gen was honestly the last person I should have been making enemies of, and yet… There I was, laying next to Shawn. So close that our pinkies were touching, and if I wasn’t mistaken, Shawn was moments away from wrapping our hands together completely.

But it was fake. It was all supposed to be fake. So why? Why do this?

“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with her, honestly?” I blurted out. Apparently lacking complete control over my body in this moment.

“What? I’m not obsessed,” Shawn stuttered.

“She’s your only girlfriend you’ve ever had, eh?” Shawn nodded, “And she’s left you for some other guy, yet you just wanna get back with her? Shawn, if she doesn’t see what you’re worth then she’s not worth the time.”

Shawn scoffed, “You’ve never even had a boyfriend, you can’t really be handing out the advice.”

“I just think you should move on, if she doesn’t want you. That’s her loss.” Okay, that was a little bold for my taste, but I guess bold is what we’re doing tonight.

“You know, for someone so quiet all the time, you sure have a lot of opinions,” Shawn muttered under his breath.

“I think you’re just not used to people being honest with you.”

Shawn laughed again. He rolled over on his side, completely facing me. He rested his head on his arm, propped up and said with a hint of mirth, “You wanna talk about honesty? Be honest, why haven’t you ever had a boyfriend?”

“I guess no one's ever liked my like that,” I shrugged simply. Avoidance was key here.

“Lies. I know for a fact that you were asked to spring formal and you turned it down. That is a verifiable fact. So don’t go denying it. There are no secrets between fake boyfriend and fake girlfriend.”

“Okay, well it’s simple really. Love? Dating? It’s fun to read about. To immerse yourself in a fictional world. To put all your feelings into a character or a storyline. To see something epic take place. To get a happy ending every time, in words or even just in your mind. But people are different. Real life, it’s different. Giving yourself over to someone. Trusting them. Trusting that they won’t hurt you…or leave you. That’s...Shawn, that’s terrifying.”

“Why? Why’s that so scary?”

I turned on my side to mirror Shawn, “Because...the more people you let in. The more people you let have little parts of you. The more people that come into your circle. Into your life...the more than just walk right out.”

“Just...like your mom, right?” Shawn whispered.

It wasn’t supposed to be a sad conversation. I hadn’t meant for it to turn out that way. It was all just teasing Shawn about Gen and yet here I was...pulling out the dead mom card. But it was the truth, it was my truth. When you feel the loss of someone so deeply, it changes you. And it had certainly changed me.

Shawn sighed, “You know, I’m really sorry. I don’t think I ever told you when it happened. That’s not something a kid should ever have to go through.”

“It’s just hard...without her sometimes.”

Shawn smiled sadly. I hated those smiles. The smiles that just shot pity at you. That said “I can’t relate, but I’m here for you”. Or that said “it’ll get better in time”.  

“But you know,” Shawn started, “Your mom didn’t just walk out. She loved you, but she didn’t leave you. Not the kind of leaving you’re talking about being afraid of. She’s still always going to be with you. In her heart. In your memories. That’s nothing to be afraid of, Y/N. That’s something to treasure. You hold onto the memories and the stories. That’s how you keep her with you. How she doesn’t leave.”

There wasn’t really a proper response to that. It was more of a thing you thought about, slept on, took home with you. And so I just stared into Shawn’s eyes. Wondering who made him so smart. Who made him so perfect. Who made him so irresistible that it was completely and totally too easy to realize that he was just pretending.

That it was all fake.

tagged: @rosecth @honestlygarbage @peacedolantwins2

[noonmutter]

*Grinch grin* Make me admit something... DO THEM ALL.

Pff like I haven’t had to do this rodeo before come at me scrub

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

That’s either my realtor or my mom, so no.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

No? Why on earth would I?

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

Not to my knowledge.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Absolutely. Trust is the core of a relationship, without it you’re just acquaintances who maybe make eye contact sometimes.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

From the phrasing I assume this means “like-like” and since I live with my fiance, yes.

( I really did answer all of them at once but I’m not enough of a turd to fill everybody’s dashboard so the rest are behind the cut! )

6. What are you excited for?

Boring work stuff that makes little sense to anybody who doesn’t work with me but is going to be just as jazzed about it as I am because they’re FINALLY FIXING SOMETHING I SAID WAS A PROBLEM A YEAR AGO–AGAIN

7. What happened tonight?

Um… it’s four in the afternoon here.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

I think it’s disgusting when anybody gets wasted. You aren’t even conscious of whatever fun you might be having and you sure as shit aren’t tasting whatever you’re drinking anymore. Quit that.

9. Is confidence cute?

Only in the context of someone who’s about to get the living shit beaten/embarrassed out of them for being confident against all advice to the contrary (”He’s gonna go punch a tarrasque in the nads! How cute!”). Otherwise confidence is just a good thing and generally rad.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

I just finished my second coke of the day about ten seconds ago and am debating a third.

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

“Fully” is the operative word and that number is zero of any sex.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Probably. It’s hard not to get them when you’re at a certain size.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Work, go home, either raid or RP, and sleep. I do that basically every Saturday night.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Ideally a house that isn’t being sold by an idiot, but probably something less interesting like Starbucks.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Hey @dwyndel would you consider what we’re doing “going out”?

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

I mean, I hope so? Growth is important.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

My fiance and my mom.

18. The last time you felt broken?

hahaha “last time”

19. Have you had sex today?

hahaha “today” I haven’t gotten laid in years. plural.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

what the hell kinda question is this that’s not something you admit to, that’s a question that answers itself and the answer is either “no” because you aren’t or “yes” because the question made you realize it

21. Are you in a good mood?

Pretty good, yeah

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Yes but I’ll be peeing literally the entire time

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

Probably. I got a lot of my looks from him, which aggravates the shit out of me since he’s a terrible person

24. What do you want right this second?

A nap

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

‘Can I watch’‘Were they hot’‘Do they like sharing’‘Your breath smells like infidelity’

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Yep, white streak included

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Probably not, but there’s a huuuuuuge difference between “doesn’t make me laugh” and “does not have a compatible sense of humor with mine.” Some people just aren’t funny. Like me. I’m not funny at all. Jesus am I ever not funny. Wow.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

A fucking Spanish Inquisition reference from Dan Avidan in Game Grumps that I’m still mad at myself for laughing at

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Eh, not really. I don’t have homesickness pangs or people-aren’t-here pangs unless I know I can’t get to them because they’re not in a place where I can go. Otherwise I’d be a sad puppy every time I went to work

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

No. Some people are not worth anyone’s time or effort and often they know it and abuse people’s willingness to forgive or try.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Hatred is hard to pull out of me unless you personally did something really offensive and permanent to me. I get tired of people but I very rarely hate them. The last “boy” (he is very much an adult, calling him “boy” is fuckin’ wierd) I talked to was my supervisor and I rather like Phill

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I am engaged. You tell me.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Not only did I just say I’m contemplating a third Coke at 4 in the afternoon, I have a bucket to collect pull tabs in for the fiance to make chainmail out of

34. Listening to?

My coworkers chattering in the office around me. I could listen to music if I wanted, but the office headsets suck ass and can’t handle bass of any kind

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Not often. My handwriting is awful and I try not to write by hand at all, but if I do, it’ll probably be in pen

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Either at home or running errands

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Shit no

38. Who did you last call?

Not counting work calls, I try not to call people if I can possibly avoid it. Uhhhhhhh…probably my mom.

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

hahaha “dance”

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Because she was there and smoochable

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Haven’t had cupcakes in a VERY long time, have had very good muffins from Costco this week though

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Nope, they live in Virginia and I don’t

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Am I misunderstanding what you do to attract a mate?

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don’t tan.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Nope, that’s my smooch and I’m keeping it

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Sorta. RP is kinda like talking, right?

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Realtor.

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Not really. If anything I hum; being able to hear myself too well makes me get quieter

49. Do you dance in the car?

Drum stuff out, finger-piano on the steering wheel, occasionally headbang.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Once, and I’d love to again. The first/last time I fired a bow I took ten shots and bullseyed six.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

College. Never doing that shit again.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

That’s sort of the point of them. The question isn’t are they cheesy, it’s are they good.

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Of course it is. The only time it’s not is when you’re too young/old to have conscious thoughts, because even young children worry endlessly over what they’re getting or if they’re getting anything or what if santa thinks they were bad

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

I fucking love pierogi but I’ve only ever had the frozen ones from Mrs. T’s, Dwyn and I keep saying we should find time to make some and see how much better it is

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Don’t really do pies of any kind except for French Silk. Fruit pie filling is a wierd texture I don’t really enjoy

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Architect and animator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Enough to be unsettled late at night by noises I can’t identify, not enough to be unwilling to sleep in an allegedly haunted house

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

All day every day. No joke somedays I wonder if people who think they have psychic powers are just people with really persistent deja vu, it feels like magic

59. Take a vitamin daily?

vitamin coke or vitamin coffee

60. Wear slippers?

Technically the shoes I wore to work today could count as slippers. I call them my crazy-people shoes because they have no shoelaces and no fittings

61. Wear a bath robe?

only when it’s really cold in the house

62. What do you wear to bed?

Nothing

63. First concert?

Blind Guardian at the Pop’s in Chicago when I was 13. It was their first US tour and my parents are boss people who really wanted to humor their kid. People at the show realized this tiny barely-teenager in the back knew every word to every song and pulled me to the front, and there was no barrier between crowd and stage, so I got to lean on the stage and got smirked at by the guitarist. After the show I shook Hansi Kirsch’s hand and got my copy of Imaginations From The Other Side signed. Good times

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target

65. Nike or Adidas?

Neither, they’re both overpriced shit

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Peanuts, although I’d rather have cashews

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

I don’t know any taylor swift songs nor do I care

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Hadn’t given that one any thought beyond helping her job hunt in the immediate sense. I can see her doing costuming on a professional level eventually, though

71. Can you curl your tongue?

I never know what people mean by this. I can make an “O” shape with my tongue but that’s it, I never figured out that clover shape

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Multiple. I almost went national in …something-before-sixth-grade-because-I-remember-beating-sixth-graders but refused to go because I wanted to stop being stared at (seriously, I just didn’t want to go because I hated being on a stage). I’m sure that frustrated my mom

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

A few times, but not often

74. What is your favorite book?

One of the Discworld novels, but the answer is ever-changing because they’re all pretty goddamn great. Picking one out of a hat, Unseen Academicals is pretty rad just because it’s got such a great take on [thing that spoils the plot if I say it]

75. Do you study better with or without music?

I was not a studying kid, I was a “retains everything as long as nobody stops me from doodling while they’re teaching and it’s not about numbers” kid. Thinking about it I was probably doing some eidetic memorization tricks without realizing it, my fact retention is/was top notch when I cared

76. Regularly burn incense?

Nope, I have over 100 allergies and a lot of them are to plants so I’m not risking that bullshit

77. Ever been in love?

I am engaged to be married right now

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Does Critical Role count?

79. What was the last concert you saw?

H…alestorm? I think? It’s actually been a while

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot plz

81. Tea or coffee?

Tea if it’s just the drink itself, coffee if I can put a ton of shit in it so I can only barely taste the actual coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Does Not Contain Raisins

83. Can you swim well?

I can swim, Iunno about well? I’ve never been in danger of drowning for lack of swimming ability, I guess

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

What an interesting question, it hadn’t occurred to me there are people who can’t until now

85. Are you patient?

When I choose to be

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

If it’s affordable and the right band, band. Otherwise DJ and karaoke because HELL YEAH GET YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DRUNK AND LET THEM SING

87. Ever won a contest?

A smattering of spelling bees, a couple art contests, summer reading competitions. Nerd shit, yanno? Although I’ve won those water gun shooting gallery games at Six Flags every time there’s enough people to play, too

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Olives are gross

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

It’s sex, who cares

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room and/or bedroom

92. Do you want to get married 

I am engaged right now

@theengraver EAT ME

[purplesurveys]

474

Tumblr makes the spacing kinda weird by the end, idk why but I hope it gets better for everyone else who wants to take this haha.

ONE - HI THERE! It’s an intro!

What do most people call you? Robyn. In what month is your birthday? April. What country were you born in? The beautiful but politically miserable Philippines. Do you have siblings? How many, if you do? I do; I have two. I’m the eldest, but they aren’t that far off from me. Who do you live with? I’m still studying so I’m living with family for now – mom and dad, a sister and a brother, and a dog. I really want to move out in the next couple of years though.

Are you in a relationship? Yes. Do you go to school? As I said, yes. I’m in university but I’m supposed to graduate next year. What mood are you in right now? Well, I wrapped up my internship last week and my entire weekend was booked with stuff I did, so now I’m just super glad to be home and bum around after all that hectic-ness. I just had 8 hours of sleep and am feeling pretty well-rested right now. What does your shirt look like? I’m wearing a big-ass gray Knicks sweater that’s like 3 sizes bigger for me. What’s your zodiac sign? Taurus.

TWO - Your Appearance

If you could have plastic surgery on any one body part, what would it be?Boobs. They’re so abnormally small that I’m tired of having to waste what would have been completely bomb outfits just because of my chest.

Are you satisfied with your hair? It could have less baby hair, honestly. But I’m fine with it for the most part.

Do you have a hitchhikers or a straight thumb? It’s a straight thumb. My left pinky is quite crooked though.

What colour are your eyes? Dark brown.

Do you have any tan lines? No, I haven’t gone to the beach in a while.

How old do people usually think you are? I just asked this question to Gabie last week and she said that I look 15.

What about your appearance do you get complimented on the most? Face and my overall figure.

Are you comfortable with your weight? Sure, but it��s always worrisome when I get to the lower 90s.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Where? Yeah, just the basic earlobes piercings that my parents got for me when I was a couple of months old.

How tall are you? I am 5′1″ and a half. I’m shorter than 5′2″, that’s for sure.

THREE - True or False

I love winter. Neither true or false as I have never experienced snow. I think I’d love it though.

I have eaten meat in the past five days. True. Filipinos eat meat a lot.

I have painted a room in a house. False. My mom is so controlling over adult things like that so she hired people to do it to all our rooms.

I can whistle. True. I learned pretty early.

My keyboard is black. True-ish? The buttons are black, but the spaces between them are silver.

I have never bought something off an infomercial. True. My mom would be so furious because it would be her money anyway.

I own a snuggie / would like to own a snuggie. False.

I bite my pens / pencils. False. I do bite my straws though.

I wear glasses / contacts. True.

My nails are painted right now. False.

FOUR - Childhood Memories!

What was your all time favourite movie as a kid? THE GAME PLAN, without a shadow of a doubt. Watched that shit everyday through third and fourth grade. My runner-up would be High School Musical.

Do you still have your first pair of shoes somewhere? Doubt it. My mom isn’t big on memories like me.

Did you have anything you always dragged around the house, like a blanket?Nope. I did use my parents’ blanket as a cape some days, and other days it would be a gown train and I’d pretend I was the Queen, but I wouldn’t drag it because it would get dirty.

What toy did you play with the most? I was always into grownup stuff so I always got kitchen appliances, dollhouses, etc. I once had toys that mimicked a pizza restaurant and it had a pizza roller and it was super fun for me haha. Once I got a pretend cash register though it was game over for all these bitches.

Did you ever bring your favourite toys in the bathtub? We didn’t have a bathtub, but yeah we would bring in our toys when we would shower.

Did you used to take baths with siblings/cousins? ^ Ooh, barely missed it. Yes, we did.

Are you still friends with your best friends from long ago? A handful are still my best friends. I keep in touch with most of my batchmates from my high school because we’re all close and we’re family and there was generally very little drama – and if there was, it was easy to let go.

Do your parents ever tell you stories about how cute/silly you were? They have several stories, but I was mostly a quiet kid who didn’t like getting in trouble.

Did you go to the park often? What was a typical outfit for the 5-year-old you?Blouses with a girly pattern, denim jeans, and Nike rubber shoes. The top always has to be tucked in.

FIVE - FAVOURITES

Actor/Actress: Kate Winslet

Singer/Band/Both: Beyonce / Paramore

Chocolate: Reese’s

Toothpaste: ??? Whatever we have at home I guess?

Picture of yourself: Nah man, not doing that here.

Pair of sunglasses: I don’t have a favorite.

Vegetable: Broccoli!

Sandwich: Monte Cristo

Aspect of nature: Waterfalls

Word to say: “Literally”

SIX - Love Life ;)

Who was the first person to ever ask you out? No one’s ever asked me out before. Although I think that dude from one of my classes in sophomore year intended to…but I dunno. We were paired up together for this class and he wanted to spend time with me in a coffee shop after our work was done; I didn’t feel comfortable just being by myself so I told him in advance that I was gonna be bringing Gabie…never heard from him ever again :/

What does your ideal date consist of? Dinner somewhere nice (Italian or Japanese) should be enough for me.

What’s one thing your partner must be able to accept about you? I get sad and I’ll need loooooooong stretches of time alone some days.

Does your ideal person have any special talents? She can paint and draw. She doesn’t really share these with other people but she does with me.

Do your parents like the person you’re with? (Or the last person) My parents liked Mike and were convinced something was happening between us lmao. They don’t know about my relationship with Gabie yet.

Do you like pet names? Yes when it’s just the two of us. Publicly, I control myself, cos I know it annoys me when other people are too showy/vocal. Like I don’t call Gab pet names when we’re out with friends; and when we’re out at the mall or whatever, I’m not very physical other than holding her hand.

What is your age range? Same age. I can’t imagine dating someone younger or older, but then again this is because I haven’t had any other experience.

What is one attribute that your ideal partner must have? Sincerity.

When was the last time someone seriously said “I love you.” to you? This morning.

Have you ever been in more than one relationship at a time? No.

SEVEN - The wonderful world of the Internet!

What is your most used website? Probably Twitter. It’s the first thing I check everyday.

Do you play any online games? Other than playing on Y8 when I was younger, no.

Which chat program do you use most often? Messenger.

Facebook vs Myspace- which is better? I haven’t used Myspace in a hot minute, so I’ll go with Facebook.

Is there someone you met online that you’d like to meet in person? Yes, I’m still waiting to meet Aliyah. Girl is in BGC every single day but I can’t seem to grab lunch or dinner with her!

Have you ever sold something on Ebay or Craigslist? No.

Have you ever gone on Chatroulette? Or Omegle video? Yeah, when I was like 12 and curious about the Internet haha.

Are there any videos of yourself on Youtube? I don’t think so.

Mac or PC? Mac.

Have you ever Googled your name? I’ve Googled my username before, but not my name.

EIGHT - This or That?

Twilight or Harry Potter?

French fries or potato wedges?

Liquid ortape white out?

Digital or film camera?

Nail clippersor nail scissors?

Rock, paper, or scissors?

Beard or mustache?

Knee high or ankle socks?

Hockey or basketball?

Mr Clean or sponge and ‘the other leading cleaning product’?

NINE - Be cool, stay in school!

What subject are/were you best at? It’s always history, or social studies in general.

How old will you be when you graduate high school / how old were you? I was 18 when I graduated.

Isn’t there that point in the year when you stop caring so much? Yep, it’s usually when you’re a senior.

Do/did you have any really cool teachers? In UP? Absolutely. There’s a lot of shitty profs, but the cool ones are way too hardcore.

Who is/was your most strict teacher? Sir Ruel in my old school. Old man was and is such a fucking loser. Once had a comment about my breasts and I never forgot about it. Also kicked me and a bunch of other kids out of his class in fifth grade because we didn’t have crayons. He actually got booted by the school for a year because a parent complained about him, but he came back after.

Where do/did you sit at lunch? In high school, the cafeteria was too crowded so my friend group would hang out in our classroom, since most of us were classmates. Right now, lunch just depends on my schedule and where I happen to be by noon.

What do/did you do at recess? Catch up on homework I skipped the night before.

There’s always that one kid who no one really knows, right? LOL, yes.

Is/was your cafeterias food actually any good? It used to be good. Then they kind of hired this company to start making the meals starting junior year and the food was never as good again.

Do/did you have a stereotypical school, with all those cliques and such? You can say that. We had popular party kids, smart but still cool kids, soccer players, the basketball players who all turned out gay, kids who kinda just hovered in the middle, and those who were kinda brushed to the side were the theatre and anime kids.

TEN - Randomly Platypus.

Do you like your toothbrush really wet when you’re brushing your teeth? Not really wet. I just make sure I’ve put it under the running water before applying the toothpaste.

What song are you currently obsessed with? Not into anything at the moment.

What was the stupidest dare you’ve ever done? I hate dares, so I don’t do them haha.

Do you enjoy playing with tape? No?

What’s one word/phrase you say too much? LITERALLY. Which is a problem because most of the time, the things I associate the word with aren’t literal.

When was the last time you went trick-or-treating? 2017.

What did you last use a knife for? Haha, my orgmates were cooking up lunch and I volunteered to chop up the onions. Fun fact: First time to use a knife, ever.

When you open a pack of gum, why is everyone your best friend? Because gum is always a good idea.

What has been on your mind way too much? Completing my requirements for internship so I can submit them as early as possible.

Did you actually enjoy my survey? Sure. Categories are always fun.

[slvtbible]

Sweet Pea x Soraya De La Torres ( OC )

Chapter One

A/N: This is the first chapter of ‘Bad Intentions’. Note to self that English isn’t my first language so if there’s any grammar mistake. I’m sorry. And please be kind. Enjoy my loves!

Warning: ‘Bad Intentions’ contains race issues, feminism, mature content and strong language.

Soraya De La Torres. A 16 year old young Latina woman who had her life turned upside down by the time she turned twelve. Her parents had been deported back to where they came from and her entire family were shipped to God knows where. The only family she had left who cared enough to look after her was her aunt. She didn’t mind

Her parents weren’t the most ideal folks either, she struggled to face the reality of a cruel world ever since she was little and none of them had helped her along the way.

She cried. Of course. Cried, because the only family she had was taken away from her and she will never know if she gets to see them again. Someday, maybe

“Hey, chica. You alright?” A soft and concerned voice caught her off guard, she blinked for a couple times before turning her gaze on her aunt who held a confused look.

A small smile made it’s way to her lips, “i’m good. What is it Aunt Sof?”

Her aunt walked over to the dining table and grabs a couple plates to set them on, she took off her apron and washed her dirty hands,

“You seems so lost amor. That’s all. By the way Veronica’s on the phone. She’s looking for you.” She informed, continuing to set the meal on the table,

Soraya cocked an eyebrow before marched her way to the living room where the telephone located, she grabs it and held it places it against her ear. Veronica’s up to something, she knew it. Ronnie would never call her at dinner time,

“Hello?”

“What took you so long? Why did your aunt picked up the phone? Where were you?” Veronica’s aggressive tone was enough to make her sighed in annoyance.

“Calm down Judge Judy, i was cooking dinner like a normal daughter in a normal family should be. What are you up to, Lodge? Didn’t you realize this is dinner time? I’m hungry.” She finished with a flat tone. Whatever Veronica’s doing or thinking in that moment. She should put it aside.

“Can you come down to the Pembrooke?” Veronica asked,

She scoffed, ‘as if bitch’ she thought. “No. Like i said, i’m hungry and i want food. My aunt and i cooked”

She could smell the delicious Tamales from the living room making her stomach growl and she groaned,

“But this is really important, Raya! I can’t comprehend with everything right now. My dad has been tormenting Archie for the past few week and Archie is blaming it one me, my mom’s taking away my favorite pearls and Betty went out with Jughead so i literally had no one to talk to apart from you.” She finished with a heavy breathing.

Soraya could imagine her face right now. A drip of sweat probably falling over her forehead, her hand fanning to create a current air and her lips dramatically quivered. She mentally laughed at the thought. Is she was there she would probably laugh,

Hard.

“God you sound like Cheryl right now. And God knows how much i hate that girl.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, attempting to calm herself down as an image of the certain ginger crossed her mind.

“You wanna come over?” She asked straight to the point, not wanting to hear another rant coming out of her mouth.

“Yes! Please. Do you mind if i stay over? I know it’s a school night but i have ALOT of things to rant about.”

‘Shit’ she thought. There goes her chance of sleeping like a baby

“Sure, why not. But i don’t want to stay up too late. I have a volleyball practice tomorrow.” She said,

“Yay! Be there in fifteen babe.” She hung up

Soraya groaned. All she wanted that night was to just fall asleep by the sound of LANY and Kehlani filling softly in her room and perhaps reading a classic novel by Jane Austen or Paulo Coelho.

But no. Instead she had to listen to Veronica’s rant about Archie or her dad.

“Veronica’s staying over.” She informed her aunt who had just finished placing all of the cookings

“Really? That’s great. We need one more plate then.” She walked towards the cabinet, pulling out another clean plate and utensils,

“That wouldn’t be necessary.”

“Why?”

“Pretty sure she had drama for dinner.”

“Mija. You can’t say that. She has a lot of things on her mind. You said so yourself” Her aunt quietly spoke,

“And we don’t?” Soraya asked softly

Her aunt looked at her because she knows what her niece meant. And it was something serious. She was about to say something but she beats her to it.

“I had to face my own parents deported, our entire family were shipped to elsewhere, and you can’t go out anywhere without people looking at you as if you’re a piece of trash and being called off for not getting rid of your accent.” She snapped.

She wasn’t angry at her aunt, no. She was angry because it happened.

“These girls nowadays only have to worried about their dads not liking their boyfriends or running out of money to buy a new pair of jeans. What the fuck is going on with this world?”

“Soraya. Language.” Her aunt scolded, putting her hands on her hips as she walked closer to her angry niece. “I know we are facing alot of racism and discrimination. Especially me.”

Her aunt sighed, looking down at Soraya with sadness washed over her face. “But we have to be strong. You are a beautiful, independent and powerful woman. You got this. It’s just you and me”

She whispered the last sentence at the broken girl infront of her. She rubbed her thumb against her cheek and placed a kiss on her forehead before getting up.

“Now. Come on, our guest is coming. Set the Miguelitos, please honey.” She pleaded,

Soraya smiled and stood up as well.

“I’m really sorry but i can’t be in the same place with my parents right now.”

Veronica stood outside, right after Soraya opened the door. She was wearing a large black drape with a hood on it to cover herself. Soraya looked at the ground to find nothing but a small duffle bag instead of large suitcase, she mentally sighed.

“One night, that’s all.” Veronica promised, stepping carefully inside her cozy home.

Soraya offered to hand her, her bag and hood before putting them at the living room table.

“Veronica! Bienvenida cariño!” Her over excited aunt welcomed her with a huge grin on her face.

Veronica looked baffle for a sec, she might be spanish but she wasn’t really good understanding and speaking the language. She looked over her shoulder to find answers from her best friend. She gave her a ���what does that mean’ look.

Soraya rolled her chocolate eyes before whispering, “welcome honey.”

Veronica quickly turned her attention back to the middle aged woman and smiled before stepping closer, giving her a warm hug.

“Thank you so much aunt Sof. I’m sorry for being such a burden.”

“Nonsense, you’re always welcome.”

Soraya watched the interaction between the two and decided to step in,

“We’re having Tamales and Quesadillas. You must be hungry V. Let’s eat.” She offered, walking to the dinner table

The curly dark haired girl shook her head softly, “I just ate my mom’s spaghetti and pudding. I’m really full.”

Soraya stopped what she was doing and looked at Veronica as if she was lying. But she just nodded, not wanting to pressure her because she knows.

She knows Ronnie was lying.

“Alright. I’ll just take my dinner and we can go upstairs. Is that okay, aunt Sof?” Soraya asked,

She nodded and waved her hand, “of course. You two have fun.”

Soraya kissed her beloved aunt on the cheek and took a couple of quesadillas and Tamales, “good night, love you.”

The two stepped inside Soraya’s room, Veronica was the first person to laid on the floor which causes Soraya stared at her like she was crazy.

“I have a bed. Might as well use it. I heard it’s very comfortable and warm.” She laughed, taking of her sweater and leggings to changed into a black fitted spaghetti strap tank top and shorts that hugged her curves in the right places.

Although she was very uncomfortable with her body at first because there was countless times where boys love to stare and get called for it, she might as well just wear something exposed to show all the perverted men out there that she was not afraid.

Nope. You wanna make Soraya cry? You have to try harder than that.

“What is it you wanna talk about Ronnie?” She asked tying her hair into a messy ponytail, grabbing her phone from the night table, she joined her on the floor.

“Not just me. But there’s a school problem.” She said flatly, closing her eyes,

“What about school?” The curvy girl asked plugging her earphones on

Veronica quickly sat up making Soraya jumped in surprise.

“Jesus, calm the fuck down.” She said, holding her hand over her heart.

“Haven’t you heard?” Veronica carefully asked,

She raised her eyebrow, signalling that she wasn’t getting any of it.

“The Southside High is closing down. They’re moving to Riverdale High.”

The next morning was absolutely dreadful. Veronica literally pressured her to listen every story she told. Every time Soraya started to close her eyes so she could finally fall asleep, Veronica would do terrible things. Such as, flashing a flashlight from her phone and waving it around her tired and annoyed looking features. It pissed her off but Veronica was definitely having fun.

And so they stayed up late until one forty five. What confuses Soraya the most was, how could she wake up with a zombie looking face but Veronica was the opposite of it. She was very happy and chirpy in the morning, making her want to punch her in the guts and tell her to stop being so happy. But of course, she wouldn’t do such a thing.

Unlike Veronica, who brought her expensive Gucci dress, Michael Kors black pumps and pearls, Soraya dressed herself in a simple pink mid thigh sweater, black shorts and knee high boots. It was a cold month in Riverdale but she wanted to look stylish even if she had to sacrifice her body out in the cold.

Walking over towards her locker, she puts her stuff for volleyball practice inside and grabs her Chemistry book for the next period. She was writing left over notes until her locker door was slammed close.

“The fuck?!” She yelled in surprise,

She looked over to her right and found Reggie standing with his arm resting on the locker door and a smirk, that she wished she could wipe it off.

“Oh, it’s you. What do you want, Mantle?” She asked uninterested.

“You look hot today, Soraya. Who you dressing up for, eh?” He flirted,

She rolled her eyes in disgust. Did he really thinks she would go for someone like him?

“I’m dressing up for myself. Don’t get flattered.” She smiled sarcastically before pulling her lips into a tight line,

Reggie chuckled, “don’t act like you don’t want me. I know you do.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, this guy overself confidence was starting to get under her skin,

‘Is thus douche for real’ she thought,

“Look asshole. In case you haven’t noticed, i’m not interested in you and i’m pretty sure I established that every goddamn week for the past year so you could get it to your thick skull and leave me. the fuck. alone.” She seethed and smiled,

“Now. If you excuse me, i’m going to get to class” she finished, watching Reggie face fall after she confronted him like that, so she walked away.

“Someday you’re going to give in De La Torres! I’ll always get what i want!”

She heard him call causing her to scoffed at his attempt to get into her pants. There is no way she’s letting that happen,

“As if bitch.” She muttered out.

-

A/N: How was it? I know it’s short but i’m working on it. How do you like Soraya De La Torres so far? Love her attitude? I know i do lol. I’m sorry i haven’t include the Southside kids yet, especially Sweet Pea. I know, you’re disappointed and i’m sorry. But i promise, he will be there on the next chapter and the sexual tension between the two will rise. which i will post next Thursday. Stay tune, you guys. There would be alot and i mean ALOT of drama coming.

P.s : Let me know your thoughts guys, that would be greatly appreciated. Love you!

[im-youngmin]

[TRANS] 170728 Xportsnews with MXM: Fan Questions

Questions to MXM:

Q. What were your impressions of each other?

Youngmin: He was very scary. The reason why is because Donghyun was originally already a trainee of Brand New and I came in late, but it was the day of auditions. Since I went personally on my own, I was very nervous, but Donghyun didn’t even care for me and was very ‘my way’. He didn’t have an expression and was wearing a black facial mask, so I thought ‘He’s someone that’s hard to befriend’, but we ended up talking right away that day.

Donghyun: (Sighs) I thought that an endlessly kind person had come. My first impression of him was very good-natured. (Youngmin: I was shrinking at that time due to being nervous.) Because he greeted everyone with 90 degrees and things, I thought that he was a very innocent and kind person.

Q: During ‘Produce 101’ Season 2, which trainee did you want to learn the most from?

Youngmin: Pledis’ Kim Jonghyun trainee. I just thought that he did his role as a leader well, but Jonghyun was the leader at the end when we were in the same team. I saw how he’s strong when necessary, but still has fun and takes care of others, and thought that I should learn from that. The way he showed a strong will in what he has to do stood out much more compared to other trainees. I think the person I felt most regret about not being in top 11 was Jonghyun.

Donghyun: Starship’s Jung Sewoon trainee. I really like the music Hyung does, but he taught me this and that and took care of me. Since he’s from Busan, he also has a blunt side, but he’s also very playful and like a fool. But then the way his eyes change when talking about music is something I really wanted to learn from.

Q: The trainee you were closest to during ‘Produce 101’?

Youngmin: Starship’s Jung Sewoon trainee. Ever since we started dorming at first, we started as roommates. Maybe it’s because we were with each other in the start, but we were close.

Donghyun: I also choose Sewoon hyung. When we were dorming, our rooms were always next to each other. But there was a time when only I was far away. At that time, the only people that came from another room to talk to me was Youngmin hyung and Sewoon hyung. Because he always took good care of me and treated me well, I wanted to tell him that I’m really thankful.

Q: Is there something you remember from fanletters or comments?

Youngmin: “Why is even your name Youngmin?” is a comment I remember. Before, I wondered whether I should change my name since Youngmin didn’t sound special and didn’t really have an impact for an idol, but I was thankful since it seemed like they were saying it suits me. I think I liked funny things like ‘Even Youngmin’s name sounds intelligent (T/N: The word for intelligent = youngmin/영민)’.

Donghyun: During our V App, there was a moment where we asked for people to give us a unit name. At that time, there was a variety of names being sent, but the one I remember the most is ‘심장팤동’ (T/N: heart beat, play on the phrase ‘심장박동’ with ‘팤동’ from Paca and Donghyun). Because it was so cute and new, I felt that there are a lot of people among our fans who are quite witty. I want to learn from them.

Q: What is your favorite food?

Youngmin: I eat everything well without being picky, but I like pho.

Donghyun: Potato fried rice that my mom makes. Since my mother works, the fried rice she made quickly with potato when I was younger was the most delicious. Also, I like Spicy Crab Stew.

Q: What food do you dislike?

Youngmin: I’m not picky about anything.

Donghyun: Mushrooms. When I was younger, there was a time where I ate mushrooms and had really bad indigestion, so I haven’t been able to eat it since then. I think I’m sensitive to the texture and mushroom juice that comes out when you chew it. My body seems to remember it.

Q: Do you have a ‘movie of your life’?

Youngmin: ‘Inception’. I like things like twists, escaping rooms, and chasing, but I liked this movie so much that I watched it about five times. I like looking it up once it’s over and understanding it like, ‘Ah, it was this kind of story line’. I like watch movies alone, but movies like these can’t have distractions from the side, so I make sure to watch it alone and stay concentrated.

Donghyun: I like SF movies. I was very impressed with ‘Interstellar’. Since I’ve never gone to space before, I can only imagine it and it’s an unknown world that you would want to go to at least once. So it felt like I was enjoying it vicariously.

Q: What do you have Rhymer and the Brand New trainees saved as under your phone?

Youngmin: I don’t have our CEO’s number. There isn’t an opportunity for me to personally contact him. Since our CEO normally visits us often, we don’t really have a chance to separately contact him. He treats us well to the point where I wonder if a trainee can be this comfortable with a CEO. Donghyun is ‘Dongdongie’, and Woojin is saved as ‘Woojim’ and it happened when I was quickly saving his name, but it was cute, so I just left it. And Daehwi is saved as ‘Cute Daehwi’.

Donghyun: I have our CEO saved as ‘Rhymer CEO-nim…★’. Youngmin hyung is saved as ‘Melting Youngmin’. A fan of Youngmin hyung wrote a fanletter, but he was cutely laughing while reading that. So I looked at what they wrote, but they wrote ‘You make people melt’, ‘You’re Melting Youngmin’, and that stayed in my memory so much that I saved him as that. Daehwi and Woojin are saved under their names.

Q: Please recommend a place for vacation.

Youngmin: During my vacations, I’ve only gone to Busan. Because I like spending time at home with my family, I think I normally just work in the field. A place I want to go is a place with a vast ocean that has a cliff too.

Donghyun: Since we’re busy lately, I haven’t exactly gone anywhere, but there’s a place called Sapsido from my past memories. I went there when I was younger, but I remember having a lot of fun.

Q: Can noona fans call you oppa?

Youngmin: I like it. I have a younger brother, but I always thought that it would be nice to have a younger sister. I have an ideal image towards having a younger sister or older sister. Maybe that’s why, but I like being called an oppa because it makes me feel like an adult and I don’t dislike that term at all since people younger than me like me as well.

Donghyun: I didn’t know that the term ‘oppa’ was that great. But after hearing it, it was nice. (Smiles) Although I feel embarrassed, it feels like I’m receiving interest and love, so I liked it.

Q: Do you use informal or formal speech?

Youngmin: Donghyun uses a mix of formal and informal speech. I think he usually uses 60% informal and 40% formal.

Questions to Youngmin:

Q: Do you put sugar on your tomatoes when eating them?

Youngmin: The tomatoes from my house are salty tomatoes, so while being tart and sweet, it also tastes salty from the ocean soil. So I don’t put sugar on my tomatoes.

Q: Did you hear how we followed the rap part for ‘Super Hot’ during the finale concert?

Youngmin: I normally place my in-ear in both of my ears, but I could hear the fans following along through my in-ears. I was so surprised that I purposely took out an in-ear on one side. Because I wanted to listen to it. I felt a lot of excitement then. I was really, really happy.

Q: What do you think about your Paca-Q nickname? (T/N: his signature finger salute)

Youngmin: It’s my signature move, but I do it a lot when rapping. Besides ‘Open Up’, I think I did it in all my performances starting from the first. What’s fascinating is that I didn’t have a nickname ever since I was younger, but when I see how I’m being given so many nicknames and love, I think it’s really nice.

Q: Do you have any thoughts about acting?

Youngmin: I don’t not have any thoughts about acting. However, I want to do well in music more as of now.

Q: There was a scene captured where you kissed your mom.

Youngmin: I didn’t think that scene would get captured. My family has three brothers and we’re all Kyungsang-do males. Including my dad, it’s already four males. It’s the peak of strong and silentness, but we break that and the three brothers give a kiss around four times a day. We try not to do it outside, but my mom said ‘kiss’ that day, so I ended up doing it.

Q: Do you know that the hoodie you wore became sold-out?

Youngmin: I get cold really often. Since ‘Produce 101’ barely had any outdoor filming, we were indoors a lot and they would turn on the air conditioner. That’s why I always wore long sleeves. What was meaningful was that it was a hoodie that’s used during the fall and winter weather, but to see it being sold-out in the summer was really fascinating.

Q: Do you want to fix your dialect?

Youngmin: I wanted to fix it before, but I realized that there are a lot of people who like my dialect. So now I don’t want to fix it.

Q: If you were to grade the Seoul dialect skills of the Busan males on ‘Produce 101’ Season 2?

Youngmin: Sewoon doesn’t really use a Busan dialect. Next would be me, then Woojin, and then Daniel. Daniel is the embodiment of Busan dialect. I think I’m a mix of proper speech and dialect. Although I try to speak in proper speech, I still have an accent, so I think it’s a bit inarticulate. But fans seemed to like that. I know that they point out Im Nyeongmin and I Myoungmin. I think I did that at the beginning because I felt that I shouldn’t use my dialect. (Excuses)

Q: What is that bracelet that you’re always wearing on your wrist?

Youngmin: The bracelet on my left side has the meaning that good fortune will come. And the one on my right side is a bracelet that is for my year, which is the Year of the Pig. It isn’t a religious bracelet. My household’s religion is closer to Buddhism, but I also like Christianity. Since my parents also do not have a large obsession towards religion, I see both the positives of Buddhism and Christianity.

Questions to Donghyun:

Q: Do you have any stories about you and your twin brother?

Donghyun: When we were really young, there was a time we fought. I was upset, but I started to get picked on by another kid. At that moment, my twin brother ran over and got angry while saying ‘Did you do that?’. But as we grew older, he was more introverted and quiet, so I don’t think he expresses it well. But he seems to be cheering me on lately. Since we’re fraternal twins, we look really different. Hyung doesn’t have double eyelids and if I were to compare him to a celebrity, he’s similar to Lee Jaehoon. He’s not normally the type, but since I’m appearing on broadcast, he talks about me to his friends. When I heard about that, I thought ‘That’s cute’. I also felt somewhat proud.

Q: You cross-dressed for your high school graduation picture and that became a hot topic.

Donghyun: Since it was my 3rd year of high school, I thought that I wanted to leave an impressive memory. But I didn’t think it through. If I knew that the picture would be spread around like this, I would have taken it more clearly. I regret not wearing makeup. When that picture first started spreading, I had regrets over cross-dressing, but I don’t any more. I think it let people know about Kim Donghyun more. Although I’m embarrassed, I’m also thankful towards that picture.

Q: I heard that you’re a ��superstar’ of Namdaejeon High School?

Donghyun: They told me that it would be small and to not feel burdened when helping, so I took it happily. But before I knew it, that picture was hung on the school’s main homepage. So I was quite taken aback. It’s a picture I took during my 3rd year of high school, but my teachers called me ‘superstar’ a lot as means of ‘becoming Namdaejeon High School’s superstar’. Since it’s come to this, I decided to make sure and become a superstar.

Q: Please recommend some tourist attractions in Daejeon.

Donghyun: Since I like exercising, I liked riding a bicycle with my friends, but I rode the course from Mokcheok Bridge at Eunhaeng-dong to the Expo a lot. There are a lot of people riding bicycles and skateboards, but the arboretum next to there is also pretty and nice. I would like to recommend it as an exercise course.

BONUS – MXM in 5 years? (Picture diary)

July 24th, 2022 — Title: Absorbed in! (by Im Youngmin)

I am absorbed in the final steps of working on the songs today. Since it’s a new song I’m releasing next month, I feel like my heart’s fluttering and I feel nervous as well. (The alpaca stole my focus of attention)

July 24th, 2022 — Title: Myself in 5 years! (by Kim Donghyun)

I successfully finished the performance at Carnegie Hall today and am now going to New York’s JFK airport. (Brand New Boys’ complete group and is that R… Rabeoji…?)

original souce: xsportsnews translation credits: @woojinprk

[mintdonna2-blog]

How To Teach Your Kids About Other Cultures

As racist and xenophobic sentiments fill news headlines, many parents are wondering how to instill values of acceptance and cultural understanding in their children.

“It’s important to me for my sons to understand that people around the world are just like them and to have empathy for those people, understanding and real global awareness,” Florida mom Akeelah Kuraishi told HuffPost.

Kuraishi ― who was born in England to a Pakistani father and Scottish mother ― put her mission into practice by creating Little Global Citizens, a subscription box meant to teach kids about different cultures and people around the world.

“Young children don’t have societal preconceptions and I think sometimes we forget that,” she explained. “It’s very imperative to take a stand right now to impact the next generation and make sure they are open-minded, compassionate and aware.”

To offer parents some guidance on this front, HuffPost spoke to Kuraishi and Sonia Nieto, author of Affirming Diversity and professor emerita of language, literacy and culture at the University of Massachusetts Amherst College of Education. Here are their tips for teaching kids about cultural diversity.

Start with books

Both Kuraishi and Nieto recommended having reading material at home that reflects the diversity of our world, from magazines to children’s books.

“Books offer a great opportunity to teach kids about different countries and cultures to expand their horizons, even just to get them to say unfamiliar names,” Kuraishi noted.

While reading books that involve different cultures, parents should help their children empathize with the characters. They can ask questions like, “Oh, isn’t it interesting that this person lives with their grandparents or their aunties?” or “Wow, they have chickens at their home. Do you think it would be fun to have chickens? What would that be like?”

“Ask them to think about the differences and make sure to highlight the similarities, like ‘This little boy likes soccer just like you!’ or ‘This child is enjoying a book just like you!,’” Kuraishi said.

Westend61 via Getty Images

Expose children to characters from diverse backgrounds.

Find opportunities in your community

“Expose your children to experiences that they might not ordinarily have and that they can learn from so that as they grow older. They will be comfortable in these situations where they are the only one of whatever background they might be,” Nieto explained. “Exposure is so important. Let them see things they aren’t familiar with yet.”

Nieto recommends taking advantage of community experiences like theater performances, concerts, lectures and museums, which provide a wealth of diverse learning opportunities. While these kinds of experiences are more abundant in large cities, it’s still possible to find them in smaller communities. “You just have to look for it,” she said.

Finding local places of worship can be a helpful route, as they often put on cultural festivals to teach the community about their traditions and allow people from diverse backgrounds to engage with each other.

And although kids might be reluctant to try new things, Nieto noted that it’s all about getting over that initial hurdle.

“It’s just like with food. I’d always ask my kids to try something and said, ‘If you don’t like it, you don’t have to have it,‘” she explained. “But often they would like it, and say ‘Oh yeah this is pretty good.’”

Go to different restaurants

“I think it’s very important to make sure you’re learning from a culture and not about a culture,” said Kuraishi. Going to different kinds of restaurants that are embedded in cultural communities gives kids the opportunity to taste new food, hear other languages and see what people from different cultures wear.

Before visiting restaurants that serve cuisine from a less familiar culture, Kuraishi reads up on it with her sons. “My boys love to learn a few new words in that language and then try them out at the restaurant if we’re lucky enough to go to a restaurant where the staff is actually from the country of origin,” she explained. “People respond so well to it, too. Just dive into restaurants you wouldn’t normally go to.”

“Exposure is so important. Let them see things they aren’t familiar with yet.”

Kuraishi also noted that restaurants are a great entry into diverse communities that you can engage with outside the dining experience.

Foster their curiosity

It’s an all-too-common situation: A parent and child are walking down the street when they pass someone wearing unfamiliar cultural garb or speaking another language. And when the child asks about it, the parent shushes them.

Nieto and Kuraishi advise parents not to do, as it assigns a negative connotation to differences. Rather, they should to take an open and positive approach and encourage those kinds of questions as a way to normalize differences.

“Don’t act like it’s a negative thing that you have to speak in an embarrassed fashion about or be concerned to address. Look at it as a learning opportunity ― to open their minds and expand their horizons. It’s so exciting and fun for them,” said Kuraishi. “Your children are not coming at this from a negative perspective, so make it a positive thing by saying, ‘Oh that’s so cool. I don’t know why she’s wearing this type of clothing, but why don’t we go and learn about it together?’”

Blend Images - KidStock via Getty Images

Kids are naturally curious about other people and cultures. 

These moments can also open the door to learning. “If a child asks about a woman wearing a hijab, for example, you can just say honestly, ‘Women in other religions sometimes cover their hair as part of their religion and a sign of respect. In other religions, men wear yarmulkes, for example.’”

Know there’s nothing wrong with differences

Pretending not to “see race” or “see differences” doesn’t serve kids well. After all, they learn about differences like colors and shapes early on in their education.

“I think we have a problem here in our country of not wanting to notice differences,” said Nieto. “I’ve met many teachers who say ‘Oh, I don’t see differences black or white. All of my kids are the same to me.’ But all of your students are not the same. They come with their beautiful differences, and we should acknowledge those because it’s not as if by avoiding them they cease to exist. They do exist.”

Parents set the tone for how children think about people from other cultures and shouldn’t be shy about differences, Kuraishi noted. “We can set their norms,” she said.

Ultimately, parents need to teach their children that people in the world look different, wear different clothes, eat different foods, listen to different music and more. Kuraishi added that laying this foundation can help prepare kids to succeed in this globally connected world, develop better emotional intelligence skills, feel greater flexibility and creativity, and build more confidence in understanding their role and place in life.

Make it natural

“I think the best way for parents to make sure their children experience diversity is to make it a natural part of life,” Nieto said. She cautioned against taking an overly contrived approach. “It’s not to say ‘Go out and make a black friend!’ because that’s not the most natural way.”

“Work for change in housing policies. Neighborhoods are really segregated by race, ethnicity and social class.”

Ideally, all families would live in highly diverse communities that naturally exposed their kids to differences, she noted. But as that’s not the reality in the U.S., Nieto advised parents to get involved politically.

“Work for change in housing policies. Neighborhoods are really segregated by race, ethnicity and social class,” she said. “If we live such segregated lives, parents may feel like they need to import diversity, which is not very natural.”

Use other media

There helpful digital resources to help kids learn about differences. Kuraishi recommends language learning apps like Gus on the Go, Little Pim, and Duolingo. “There are also some great TV shows, like ‘Super Wings,’ which takes kids on a journey to a different country in every episode,” she said. “As parents, it’s important to be intentional about what your kids are watching and making sure the children characters are representative of a diverse spectrum.”

Nieto pointed to the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Teaching Tolerance project, which includes resources for educators and other caring adults ― as well as a magazine. She is also a fan of Teaching For Change and Rethinking Schools.

Educate yourself

If you don’t feel comfortable having these conversations as a parent, it’s important to educate yourself.

“Often I think we’re stuck in our own silos, and we’re afraid to venture out,” Nieto said. Reading, taking classes, seeing different movies or joining a book club with diverse selections are good ways to start.

“If you read the news right now, you see that our world needs a hefty dose of empathy, and it’s not really taught in schools,” Kuraishi explained. “It’s something we have to teach as families.”

The Little Global Citizens CEO draws inspiration from a quote by author Rachel Naomi Remen: “When we know ourselves to be connected to all others, acting compassionately is simply the natural thing to do.”

“I think that should be a guiding force for our generation of parents to make sure the world is better for our kids,” Kuraishi added.

Parenting is harder than ever, and there’s no one way to do it right. So on November 2, HuffPost Life will convene a community of people trying to figure it out together at our inaugural HuffPost Parents conference, HOW TO RAISE A KID. In advance of the event, HuffPost Parents will publish stories on topics that matter deeply to parents of children who are starting to navigate the world on their own: bullying; sex, consent and gender; money; their digital lives; and how to raise compassionate, self-sufficient, creative, emotionally intelligent children. In short — kids who aren’t assholes. View the event site here and be sure to follow HuffPost Parents on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and subscribe to our newsletter, How Not To Raise A Jerk.

Source: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-teach-your-kids-about-other-cultures_n_5bc76b47e4b0d38b58746bac

[silver9mm]

Silver, you blushy kiss of a person, talk to me about romance: carmine, coral, and fuschia.

Aw, Liz, you’re always about asking me questions YOU’RE SO NICE

carmine: perfect date. yk…i’ve never been on a date. I mean, I’ve been out to dinner on V-day with my husband or boyfriend, but I think this means like, the kind of dating you do /before/ you’re “official”, right? Idk maybe I’m wrong—but I’ve never been on one of those kinds of dates. I’ve always just met a person and then…sort of never left their side for years on end. But one thing I’ve always enjoyed, and where I’ve had the most fun and the best conversations and been able to be myself, is in the car with a good driver. I’ve fallen in love with over and over again in that situation. Good driving (by which I mean make me feel the corners, make me laugh wildly, pass anyone not going as fast as we are and we’re going fast) is so sexy to me. I love the confidence that comes with it, the control, I love how ppl handle the wheel, their body language while driving. I love to drive, so it’s a thing for me to find someone I’m comfortable in the car with, that I’m willing to give up the control to. My ideal date would be driving to the coast after midnight, probably smoking weed and sucking down a milkshake from Dairy Queen, listening to music—driving to music, yessss. Parking at the coast to watch the black waves crash, getting cold just so there’s a good reason to sit close, letting the salt air change your mind, alter your mood from the way there, and finding a whole different set of things to talk about on the way back. 

coral: my first kiss. Um, I smooshed closed lips with a very nice boy that I’m still friends with back in 1995, but that doesn’t really count I don’t think. Gosh, uh…oh it would have to be oh my god I don’t actually know. One of three boys, and they all had black hair and brown eyes. I was 16 for all three. The first, he was 17 and we were drunk on blackberry wine laying in my parents front yard watching the stars and he said it was like kissing his sister. The second was 22 and in a band and it was New Years eve and I was drunk on Zima and he was kind of a jerk, but then his best friend who was 20 was much much sweeter and we’d both drank a bottle of Boone’s Wild Island each, and I kissed him for hours on a couch and he was so considerate and careful and James’ album Seven was playing on repeat and I only met this guy bc my mom worked with him but i knew he wouldn’t say anything to her bc she was a very threatening woman and he even stayed my friend, all the way to this very day. We used to write each other big ridiculous emails with lyrics in the subject line, and he was so respectful the next morning and god he smelled so good even after a night of partying—yeah let’s go with that one. 

fuscia: romantic trope. Hey can I admit something? Like…trope is something that’s hard for me to understand. I mean, like okay, friends to lovers is a trope right? Okay but if it gets any more convoluted than that, I have a hard time identifying it :/ isn’t that weird? And does this mean, trope that I want to experience, or that I like to see? I mean, for me, is a trope my particular daddy issue? My dad was an alcoholic, so I spent my young life absorbing a certain scenario that affected me as an adult, and it’s what I formulated all my romantic experiences around. I have been looking for a partner with a hang up they were willing to give up on, for me. I kept dating drug dealers and drug addicts and alcoholics, trying to get them to ‘get better’, for me. What I ended up with was a man who gave up his entire 30 year marriage and a cush lifestyle where he was going to be mayor of his town and had a house and a nest egg, for me—it wasn’t what I expected, but it fulfilled my need for that sacrifice my dad would never give my mom. Is that a trope? When it comes to what I like to see, I’m not about the conflict. I’m not big on enemies to lovers or love triangles. I like seeing people in love, and if there’s conflict, I want them to face it together. I like seeing ppl in love separated and fighting to get back to each other. I like them dealing with their problems with that underlying love that makes them want to work it out, no matter if it hurts. Basically, I love your fanfic :) 

[asagimeta]

Okay but a memory reset would actually make a LOT of sense with how this season's going (and how the series is going, with the publicity of the villains). Erasing everyone's memory of the supernatural because of the chaos and fear it created would be the ultimate "return zero". We already know that werewolves can take memories, so having it happen on a massive scale would be quite a way to end things.

I agree Anon! It could be a really easy and clean way to end the series, and honestly, it would be sort of like a soft-reset that way, depending on how much is erased and who’s memories are erased- it could be that even some of the pack get their memories altered to exclude parts of 6B, like the fear monster, you never know- and a full reset is still possible too, but I do have two liiiiiiiittle reasons to believe they might just stick out the “Supernatural becomes known” thing

1. The supernatural coming out to humans is actually a really popular trope right now, in the last few years it’s been a central part of Bitten, American Horror Story, iZombie, and even Orphan Black (to an extent, technically clones aren’t supernatural and more technically no one knows about the clone element, just P.T. Westmoreland, but close enough for me to make my point) I’m not sure if it’s just another fun trope going on or if it’s because of the social-political stuff going on right now but this has been going on for a wile and always ends up being empowering, even if it starts as war, I feel like the humans are eventually going to turn towards the side of the supernatural and AGAINST the hunters, making Beacon Hills something of a werewolf metropolis the way Seattle is for zombies in iZombie and New Orleans is for witches in AHS, atleast, that’s my personal ideal, and I wouldn’t really put it past them, but atleast, I think the humans will end up siding with the werewolves by the end

2. The allegory, Teen Wolf has alot of allegories going on but perhaps the most consistant is the sexuality allegory*, werewolves are such a firm allegory for queer people, and right now the storyline is very based in being forced out of the closet, so to speak, I can’t see narratively that they would have this big battle, this big coming out- wich is something that’s been building series-long**- and then erase it all and put the werewolves back in the closet, this is really the primary debate in the meta chat about Scott losing his wolf powers***

So wile it certainly could happen and I could see it fitting fairly well with the storyline, I do have those two reasons stuck in my head for why I, personally, don’t believe it will, but you never know :)

*If you want to know more about the allegory, I’m pretty sure some folks in the meta pack have done really long and involved metas about it and I encourage you to ask around- Athena probably knows of one if she hasn’t flat written it herself, it’s a little long and invovled and would require an entirely seperate post for me to write out myself unfortunately, but if you’re just dieing for my take on it, send me an ask, I’d love to discuss it

**The idea of werewolves “Coming out” has been present since season one, in the beginning everyone was enormously tight-lipped, “Whatever you do, don’t let anyone know your secret!!”, the only person Scott told was his best freind who he needed support from, Allison- the love interest with bigotted parents- found out on her own and accepted it but didn’t exactly appreciate it (versus Kira who openly thought werewolfism as a beautifull thing) this is when there was the most emphasis on random people not finding out via Scott’s sudden success in lacrosse and accidental shifting, the most closeted time in the series, and Scott was very alone, the only other werewolves were the evil Alpha and Derek who, despite meaning well, kind of presented werewolfism like joining a cult, Derek was the big flashing “DANGER” sign complete with leather jacket that everyone’s mom warns them not to get involved with, and Scott tried very hard not to, he spent all of season one resisting the fact that he was a werewolf- like it or not, then in season two Scott’s mom finds out, she’s generally supportive but definately has her hang-ups, and we see a bigger fallout from what happens when the wrong people find out what you are (Gerard, Victoria, and even Allison who was initially ok with it being sort of converted into hating werewolves by her family) there’s also mounting pressure from others who are all transitioning into their own skins at the time- Lydia as a banshee, Jackson as a kanima and later a werewolf, the betas, season two has alot of transition in it- season three is finding a comfort and confidence in Scott’s own skin and people around him who are *like* him starting to form a group, this is when the pack really formed and when it started to become more empowering, what with becoming an Alpha and their villains being mostly other supernaturals and not so much humans, this is also when you see the big reaction from parents- you had Kira’s parents who already knew about kitsunes and hell her mother WAS one, they were pretty A+, you had Melissa who was as supportive as she could be but still had some slip-ups with how to handle it, and you had the sheriff who was newest to the fold and mostly living in Denial Land where he didn’t want to acknowledge any of it and when he was forced to he lashed out in anger, season four brings us back to the danger of werewolves being “out” thanks to the hit-list, after a repreive in season three of forming a pack and starting to feel comfortable with eachother, the danger is present again and instead of hiding like in season one, this time, they fight it, you also see a mob mentality aspect with amuetur hunters like Garrett and Violet who really were more in it for the money than they were caring about werewolves, the guy who burned Parrish fits here too, so easy it is to use hate as a weapon when there’s something in it for you… we also get Scott transitioning into Derek’s old position by helping Liam, and even though there’s still danger present from everyone being outted, they don’t try as hard to conceal themselves as they used to, then season five… all hell breaks loose, La Bete is a thing, Scott outs himself to the entire school library, and although there’s no present danger from those who know his secret, that doesn’t mean there won’t be in the future, 6A shows that Scott is actually getting pretty careless with being out, considering how he shifts in front of that truck driver for pretty much no reason, we see that the Wild Hunt has once again put a majority of the school in a position to see werewolfism and once again, no IMMEDIATE danger rises from it…. but now we’re at 6B, people have been acting funny around Liam and co since episode one and likely remember more about the library and the hunt than we’ve been lead to believe, they’re already on edge and not sure how to approach, now they have a reason to be violent, a reason to fight back, a reason to other the werewolves even further and even harder, and Scott and co can either keep trying to keep themselves undercover (wich won’t work) or accept it fully  and be openly werewolves, if the town’s memories are erased in the finale’ then all of this work that’s been building towards openness since season one is flushed down the toilet and they’re back to the closet, it doesn’t just destroy 6B’s work, it destroys the entire series’ buildup to this point

***A theory that’s been bounced around is that Scott, by the end of the series, will have to make a huge sacrifice to save the town, it could be his Alpha powers, his wolf powers, his life, or even just his freedom, Scott has wanted to get away from Beacon Hills more than anyone and an enormous sacrifice for him could be deciding to stay and protect the town, give up his dreams at a “normal” life and accept himself as a werewolf and his responsibility as an Alpha, wich he’s been trying to strap to Liam like a GoPro to a dog since last season, this is my personal favorite because we’re getting a big fat lesson in “Beacon Hills needs you, Liam isn’t ready/capable of Alphahood yet, and you’re not going anywhere my dude” right now (Stiles, somewhere in the distance, “THEY NEED US!!!!!!!!”) but I digress, it would certainly be a very bittersweet thing if Scott finally got what he’s wanted the entire series (a normal life) just when he was starting to accept werewolfism/and-or when everyone else around him is no longer human (still holding out for magic!Stiles…) but it would kind of fight against the allegory to go down that road and imply that sexuality *is* something that can come and go wich… makes zero sense

[heresjeonny]

EXO 101: A Crash Course

Park Chanyeol 

Soft baby by day, sexy mofo by night. Can do everything?? Sing, rap, dance, cook, act, write and produce music, play the guitar (classical, spanish, lead, and rhythm omg) and the piano and the drums, has the body of an elf king. He’s also AMAZING with children as shown [here - skip to 12:17 and WATCH you won’t regret it] and dogs too! All animals really. He’s Korean Snow White. With abs. And if Snow White was extra. 

Also the kindest soul ever. He’s always smiling, even when he’s down. He literally said, and I quote; “No matter how difficult something is, I will always be positive and smile like an idiot.” His then-girlfriend nicknamed him “Happy Virus.” Constantly buys his members gifts, is very tall (well over six feet), and he’s the most extroverted and sociable person - actually friends with everyone. 10/10 amazing human.  

Byun Baekhyun

Don’t let him fool you!!! He looks soft but he will fuck you up with his cheeky lil smile and pelvic sorcery and unearthly vocals and uGH. His wit is unparalleled like omg, so sassy and hilarious and sharp. Also a huge nerd when it comes to anime, manga, and video games. Once gave a picture of himself to another member as a gift, the lil shit.  

He’s incredibly passionate about his career and his members, and I think it was Kyungsoo who said that it’s Baek who keeps them all together at times. In summary: Byun Baekhyun is what happens when a demon and an angel do the do. 

D.O./Do Kyungsoo:

Do Kyungsoo? More like Do Me, Kyungsoo. I’m sorry I’m so thirsty Ksoo...I don’t even know where to begin with this one. First of all, he single-handedly saved the human race from extinction with his voice. He’s savage af, so much so that he’s affectionately nicknamed “Satansoo” and he will smack a bitch. He’s also so soft and squishy at the same time, you’ll get whiplash. And his acTING. Lord in heaven. And I believe he didn’t even have acting lessons?? The nerve of him. He, too, is sex on legs, and he might be quieter than the others, but y’all best listen when he talks cause boy bout to spill the tea. 

He’s also very paternal in that he takes care of the other members a lot, like when Kai, his roommate, isn’t feeling well, he’ll care for him or go out to get food for him. And he can cook really well. I’m gonna stop now before I end up writing an entire dissertation ;’)

Lay/Zhang Yixing

ALSO NOT PURE ABORT ABORT THIS IS NOT A DRILL. 

Oh my god. Anyway. Zhang Yixing is the perfect contradiction. On the one hand, he’s an actual baby lamb - laugh and all. On the other hand, he’s the human embodiment of the NC-17 rating. Like, hide yo kids. Yixing is also one of the Chinese members of EXO, so he often leaves to promote his solo music which is in Chinese, and he works so incredibly hard and deserves all the success. He also writes the lyrics, and composes and arranges the music! 

And...his dancing. Proof that god exists. There is literally no part of his body that Yixing does not have absolute command over - and you can see it because he is so precise, confident, and sexy. :’) 

Suho/Kim Junmyeon

I actually had to cover his face while writing this because holy--

Yup. Moving on. 

Actually, back to his face (and the rest of him): Remember when Da Vinci was conceptualizing the Vitruvian Man (lol only 90′s kids will remember...1490′s kids, that is). You know that picture of the guy with another pair of arms and legs superimposed on him, inside a circle? The drawing theorizing the ideal proportions of the human body? Yup, true story: Junmyeon was Da Vinci’s muse. Suho’s face is so symmetrical, it inspired mathematicians to write the golden ratio. He is a genetic miracle, a statistical outlier, a national treasure--

Anyway *sweats*. ALSO. Let’s talk about his personality. Myeon is the mom of EXO, the leader, so he’s naturally very parental. He actually chose the stage name “Suho” because it means guardian. He always does his best to keep his kids the members together and doing what they need to be doing. Always pays for things ($Junmoney$), and is the person a lot of them confide in and go to for comfort or advice, especially Sehun. 

He’s such a dad too - like his dad joke ratings are off the charts. 10/10 would build you a tree house and tuck you in at night. 

Oh Sehun

Maknae. Icon. Legend. Used to have a lisp. 

People sometimes think he’s cold or reserved because of his face, but as you can see in the gif, he’s literal sunshine. He once cried on stage because he was knocked on the head by a camera - but he wasn’t crying because the injury hurt, he was crying because he wasn’t allowed to perform because of it, and he felt like he was disappointing his fans. He also cried during a radio show when asked about his other members - he said every night before he falls asleep, he prays for them and he prays that they all stay together and are successful and happy. And now I’m crying. 

Everyone is in love with him. 

His dancing resurrected me from the dead, put my children through college, and ended world hunger because damn we are fed when that boy moves. 

Sehun was once invited to Paris for a Louis Vuitton fashion show and became king of France. I’m not kidding. All he did was show up, and there was a huge crowd already there to greet him as if he were royalty, and he was voted best dressed at the show by Vogue. He went to the Louvre, and people were studying and appreciating him, the actual art.  

Chen/Kim Jongdae

Ah, little dino bby. He’s iconic for many reasons: 

1) His smile. It curls up at the corners like this :}

2) When he laughs, he literally goes HAHAHAHAHA like wow, amazing, I want this as my ringtone

3) He screams a lot. Nickelodeon once made a show about him called Jongdae: The Last Pterodactyl. 

4) HIS VOCALS. Un-freaking-believable. He’s the male version of Mariah Carey. 

5) Speaks really good Chinese! (He’s Korean) 

6) An amazing human?? He donates to charity so often and he doesn’t do it for publicity either. He takes good care of the other members too. 

Jongdae, let me put a ring on it. 

Xiumin/Kim Minseok

HERE WE GO. My precious boy :’)

Minseok. The eldest. Also known as the best person to ever exist. Like Kyungsoo, he doesn’t talk much because he’s a shy lil bean, but once he warms up to you, the things that come out of his mouth are so deep and cute and funny and wowow I want ten of him

Is the least likely to cry

Was chubby (and so adorable!!) as a little kid, and now he has a six pack. Because of his weight as a kid though, he has spoken many times about the issue of body shaming and how people’s perceptions of a person shift based on how they look. He once said these words that made my cold, dead heart beat again: “I don’t have an ideal type. If our hearts match well, then she will look pretty to me.” 

Has the strongest arms in EXO. They all arm wrestled and he won and it was the funniest thing ever. 

Is not only an idol, he’s also getting his Ph.D. Dr. Kim. I can’t believe....

Wants to open his own coffee shop, and I don’t drink coffee, but I would chug any dish-water-coffee-grinds-filth that he would serve me because damn I love him. 

Kai/Kim Jongin

R00D MOTHERF*CKER. 

The Bias Wrecker. Or just your bias, plain and simple 

Kim Jongin is one of nature’s greatest accomplishments. His gams are the eighth wonder of the world - and he puts them to use when he dances, like please kick me in the face with those omfg 

His laugh. Astounding. Also don’t stand too close when he laughs because he will hit you. It’s just what he does lmao

He’s basically a hip young old man - so hot but so sleepy. He’ll sleep at any given opportunity. 

Very fond of fried chicken. And dogs. But not in terms of eating, for the latter

Learned ballet for ten years and it shows, and I just wANT TO SEE HIM IN A LEOTARD DAMMIT

He has darker skin than the other members which people used to make fun of him for and still do comment on, but he says he loves it and he is proud of his body :’) we are too bby!!

Other random facts: 

-  EXO originally had 12 members but 3 left and we’re not going to talk about it okay? okay

- Chen and Xiumin are married best friends. Xiumin actually said in an interview that Chen is “like my wife” 

- Sehun is now officially Lord Oh Sehun of Glencoe, Scotland because his fans are the most Extra and purchased the estate for his birthday :’) 

- Chanyeol once folded one hundred paper cranes for his girlfriend as a gift, but in the middle of doing this, she called him and broke up with him

- Baekhyun can’t cook for shit but at least he’s pretty 

- Kai dated F(X)’s Krystal 

- Kyungsoo once said to the camera that he is “not pure” 

- Yixing starred in a gay sci-fi movie where he and this other dude have a baby

- Suho is a health nut. Just like how girls always have pads and tampons on them, Suho has multivitamins 

For @the-porcelain-doll-xo because I’m the friend that wants to drag you into hell with me, and I can’t wait for you to get into EXO ahhhhh ily <33

[alien-origins]

get to know me, pick some numbers.

since i wanted @kai-aaah to answer all of them i’m doing them too!!! so have fun reading about me! this is a lot ok and i’m sorry for not using big I’s and stuff i’m lazy i know how to spell i promise !!! enjoy 💞💖

1. selfie

you got 2 bc i love myself and the first is before i dyed my hair pink and i looked soft in it!!! the second is me casually 

2. what would you name your future kids? I honestly have no idea, I’ve always sucked at names and when writing short stories i have to look up like “top 1000 american names” and stuff like that. but i really want to name my future puppies nini, rice ball and macklemore :((

3. do you miss anyone? several actually, old friends from middle school I lost contact with, a girl in my class but she’s not a really good person so I’m better without her but I still liked being around her. Then there’s my grandma who’s been gone for a few years now and a friend that took his life this spring.

4. what are you looking forward to? moving away from home and start my life for real. i don’t feel at home or like i’m really alive when i’m at home now and i just want to do my thing! find my own path and so on!

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? kim jongin :((( when he smiles i smile omg my lil sunshine child i love him

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? i think yeah? bc i often overthink stuff i tend to miss old times and i still am getting over the fact i lost some really great friends along the way.

7. what was your life like last year?

i got close to nico, a girl in my class and it was nice because we clicked so well together as friends and she felt secure and i liked that. i liked to have someone that had the same hobbies and look in life. but she got a bf and honestly just stopped talking to me and it’d take weeks for her to reply and she stopped going to school, leaving me by myself and i hated being alone. so i broke things off with her.  i was in a relationship at the time but i was falling out of love but i was so scared of hurting her bc i still liked her, cared for her and i just wanted the best for her and i was not it. and it was not fair to lead her on so i had to break up with her even if i hated it. we’re friends still though so i’m glad.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? all the time! I cry when I get overwhelmed with any emotion, I cry a lot in general.

9. who did you last see in person? my mom!

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? too good, I don’t think anyone really knows or has ever known how I feel. I’m also a skilled lier thanks to my parents.

11. are you listening to music right now? yeah i always am tbh my mom complains about it

12. what is something you want right now? summer and money

13. how do you feel right now? really stressed, i have a lot of school work to do before they set grades on all of us and i was sick for a week and now i have shot ton of presentations to do and work with i’m not ready.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? a month ago???? after meeting up with a guy i hooked up with for a coffee

15. personality description stereotypical aqua without all the drugs i’m a child of god!!!!!!(not at all really) I am the mom friend™, I am a soft little bun and I get scared by literally everything. petty is my middle name and i breathe drama. i want to say i’m pure but with the things i’ve done i’m not allowed into heaven. since my family don’t have that much money i always make sure that i can save as much as possible and i get annoyed when people throw around money and assume i can just do things and ask for money. i like girls and boys(but i still don’t know what’s sexuality i just like soft pretty ppl), like i usually say there’s just too much love in my lil heart!!!! i cry at least twice a week and I wear too big sweaters and shorts that show off half my butt and running shoes. also a lot of caps and chokers.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

a lot of times because of how i was raised and in the environment i was raised in i have troubles speaking about things like that and i bottle up a lot. a lot of things involve my dad or my mom but i’m scared of hurting my mom.

17. opinion on insecurities. i think my insecurities are affects from my past with anorexia and just society portraying a certain kind of look as an ideal that I can’t reach. like i’m constantly worried about how my body looks and some periods i’m full of confidence and love everything about me and some i consider fixing most things with surgery. i’m also bad at expressing emotions and i blame it on being an aqua!!!! i don’t talk much and i don’t like to voice my feelings. it results in a lot of relationships being a little rocky and it makes me insecure about myself.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago? yes and no. it was good then but so much happened during the summer and autumn that was really messy so no.

19. have you ever been to New York? no and idk if i want to go either really. i don’t see the appeal. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? 365 so fresh by tripple H 

21. age and birthday? 18 ; february 6th

22. description of crush. i don’t have a crush??? i crush on everyone that show me the slightest little spec of affection honestly 

23. fear(s) never leaving sweden and ending up living here with my husband, a dog and two kids in a villa somewhere in the outskirts of stockholm and going to the alps to ski and to thailand in the winter (literally what all middle class standard™ swedish families do). other than that i’m scared of ghosts and demons and there’s a specific picture that i get a panic attack from just looking at for a second. i hate loud noises and im scared of zombies, war, death, men, the dark, deep oceans, heights and so on. i have a lot of anxiety over death!!

24. height

5′2 when i put it in the cm to feet translation thing (160cm)

25. role model CL; she is a really strong and successful woman that I’ve looked up to since years back! I wrote a speech about her in english class when we were supposed to write about an artist we liked and I got an A on it so I hope she’s proud of me for that and for being myself and following my dreams! 

26. idol(s) exo ofc!! they together with f(x), 2ne1 and red velvet mean a lot to me and i love them hella !!

27. things i hate men, obviously all things bad that are wrong with our society like dictatorship/war/racism/sexism/homophobia but i don’t feel like listing it all up, my dad, cold and snow/ice, not knowing what’s going on in a situation or while planning something, being taken for granted, loud noises, avocado, being sick bc i can’t do yoga or go out on walks, spiders, my school mates and being stressed all the time.

28. i’ll love you if… you buy me fried chicken, you take me o watch the stars by the beach, you back hug me, you talk about astrology with me, you cuddle me!!!, you love me back, you love kim junmyeon, you play with my hair, you tell me about little things that remind me of you and if you take pictures of me spontaneously.

29. favourite film(s) devil wears prada, somewhere only we know, jurassic park(all of them), mean girls???

30. favourite tv show(s) gumball, steven universe, how i met your mother, fresh of the boat aaaand a swedish humour show called solsidan.

31. 3 random facts when i was 8 or 9 i tried to become a mermaid by cutting of some hair skin and a nail, put it in a lil bowl with water and my own blood!!! then put it out under the full moon.

i love cooking and baking and it makes me happy to be in the kitchen and try out new foods from other countries and throw things together that we have at home!

when i was in 6th grade and was out playing with my class (we invented our own game of tag and it was like the hunger games im telling you!! i still love it) and the snow was starting to melt as well. so by my school there was this little mountain/hill that was about 2-33m and not very steep plus there was snow on the ground underneath so me and my friend jumped down. but i got stuck with my foot in the snow and tripped, resulting in me scraping up my right knee rather badly and i have a scar there now.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? I’d say it’s pretty equal but i levitate more towards girls, I just feel more comfortable around girls.

33. something you want to learn mandarin, I am technically learning it right now but at some point in life it’d be really neat to be fluent! If that doesn’t count I want to learn more about physics.

34. most embarrassing moment I don’t really have one because I think over what I do a lot so i rarely end up in embarrassing moments. but once when i was getting a chai at espresso house (a coffee shop in sweden) the barista said “have a good day” and i said “no thank you” because i thought he was talking about the receipt.

35. favourite subject i reeeeally love history! but we don’t have that anymore so i’d say textile design 3!

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? becoming a fashion designer and show at paris fashion week

buy my mom a nice car and a house on gotland where she can be in the summer and have it just for herself (hopefully she’s left dad by now as well and is happy and can do whatever she wishes to do without him weighting her down!)

seeing the world, my motto is “why live in a world you haven’t seen” and i hope i can see as much of it as possible! i want to move away from sweden and who knows where i end up.

37. favourite actor/actress shit idk i don’t have one???? 

38. favourite comedian(s) they’re all swedish so idk if i should list them up since even if you look it up it’ll all be in swedish plus swedish humor.

39. favourite sport(s) i don’t like watching sports but i’ve been practicing a few since i was a kid! soccer(i was a great goalie but i quit after 2 years when a girl took my spot and i got mad about it), basketball(i was never that great at it and quit after a year), badminton(my fav sport!!!! i was really great and i could have gone far with it but my anxiety stopped me so i quit after 3 years???), jujitsu (i got a green belt and i loved it but again my anxiety got in the way and i quit) and lastly ballet!!( i love ballet and dancing but due to some back issues i can’t do ballet and it sucks). in conclusion badminton is my fav sport!

40. favourite memory oh I guess it gotta be from 9th grade when I was in a exchange program with my french class. 

It was like a few days into my stay at her house in Auriol and my exchange student and I walked around in her neighborhood which was like mostly little houses, grape fields, mountains and long roads.

It was really beautiful just walking around and we talked about some deep stuff like politics and life while the sun was setting and I wore some shorts and a hoodie.

Also on the weekend when she her sister and mom took my down to the coast and took me sightseeing up on some mountains, small villages and then finished it off with 2-set lunch by the ocean!

in general my whole experience being and exchange student for that little week was amazing and france is absolutely beautiful and Angi whom I was staying with was really sweet!

41. relationship status single; i want to be in a relationship but i can’t commit 

42. favourite book(s) in order to live(yeonmi park) I don’t read a lot but this was the last thing i read and it’s really good and i think it’s a book everyone should read, it’s educational and can be a eye opener to what’s going on in the world.

43. favourite song ever this is so hard!!! i don’t really have one i think? i have too much love in my lil heart!!! but i guess it’s between russian roulette, she’s dreaming, free somebody and starlight !

44. age you get mistaken for either it’s like 16 or 20

45. how you found out about your idol i found out abt snsd and listened to gee and oh! and i was so hyped bc i was a really girly girl and it fit me perfectly and then i told a friend about it rather nervously and she was like “you should listen to real kpop” and showed me lolipop with 2ne1 and big bang and i was shook. it was the best thing i had ever heard!! i was with them from debut to them disbanding and i love them a lot, they mean a lot.

46. what my last text message says “yea fuck”

47. turn ons being manhandled, when ppl play with my hair, i get weak when ppl hold/caress my lower back also waist, Yifan, smart ppl, I have a weak spot behind/right under my ears, neat aesthetics and messy make out sessions

48. turn offs dirty talking in swedish, disrespect, non feminists, ugly eyebrows, ppl who are really drunk/high and ppl who are not fresh 

49. where i want to be right now on a beach or in a couch, the sun setting with a glass of wine cuddled up with someone who can be the big spoon and play mindlessly with my hair while we listen to some nice music and just enjoy ourselves.

50. favourite picture of your idol i love it so much :(((

51. starsign aquarius 

52. something i’m talented at embroidery! I want to get better though but I am working with it a lot so I hope I can get really really good and be recognized for it. 

53. 5 things that make me happy summer exo beaches/waves stars random small gifts

54. something thats worrying me at the moment my grades and my body. i work a lot and i have always been a good student but i had a mental breakdown last semester which resulted in depression and two journeys to the ER bc i was so stressed and my heart was feeling weird but there was nothing wrong with it but my mental health was rock bottom so i missed a lot and my assignments were really half assed which means even if i get A’s on the things i did this semester it doesn’t matter bc i will get like C’s in all subjects and it makes me worried. my body is still fucked up and the stress gave physical effects and my left shoulder is somewhat numb and it’s a little scary and sometimes things just don’t feel right.

55. tumblr friends i concider a lot of ppl my friends and it’s gonna be really awkward if you’re like “that hoe’s a stranger lol” pls be kind i’m very sensitive!!!! like if you interact with me once i consider you a friend and i love you i’m sorry it’s your own fault you ain’t escaping this now!!  @honeyixings @sassybookshelf @04gf @crownkingzyx @kai-aaah @princeksoo @joon420 @cuntykai @bulba-suho-r @swaggyt-enthusiast @potchanyoyo @bunmyun

56. favourite food(s) sushi, banh mi, pork buns, moules frittes, anything chicken, watermelon, cornflake fish, soups and salads with goat cheese

57. favourite animal(s) all!!!!  sheep, cats, dogs, rats, bunnies, birds!!!!

58. description of my best friend sweetest girl on the planet that deserves the world even though she doesn’t seem to have realized that yet. she’s clever and ambitious and she works so hard. she’s childish in a way that is lovable and i feel so happy around her and her hugs are gold worth! 

59. why i joined tumblr my sister got a blog and we were into anime back then and all she did was be on timblr so i got one too!

[w0nderfulworld]

I’m not sure what to even write, I haven’t had a diary or anything similar since 7th grade but I’ll just start my first journal-like post by going through my day and recounting how I felt, sooo here goes:

First thing I saw this morning when I checked my phone was a bunch of messages from this guy on Hinge, who was drunk texting me through the app at 4 am asking me to come see him. If it were any random guy I’d feel weird, but this was someone who I’d hooked up with almost two years ago so I wasn’t completely taken aback by his messages. I responded this morning but I’m not sure if I’m interested in anything with him, so when he messaged me when he woke up I kinda just let it sit all day until 5 mins ago when I realized it’s been 12 hours since I last said anything. I think my heart’s in another place still (can write about that in my next post!! new material lol how exciting)

Got out of bed, had some protein pancakes for breakfast, was still hungry so I had a protein bar, then read Little Fires Everywhere while I waited for my parents to get back before my brother and I headed out for the grocery store. I really wanted to go as soon as I woke up, but he’s currently studying for the GMAT, and anytime our parents leave the house he makes sure he dedicates that time to studying. It’s a lot harder to focus on the weekends when we’re all home and hanging around the house since we’re all very (very) loud people. Throughout the week it’s not so bad since I’m in my room working, my brother and mom are in their rooms, and my dad’s at his desk downstairs, but I can see when we’re all just doing our thing on the weekends how he could get distracted easily. So in order to give him more study time, we waited until our parents got home and then we were off to Trader Joe’s.

I don’t know if it’s because I went there twice a week for groceries pre-pandemic and I just feel so at home, or if there’s an inherent sense of comfort for anyone who walks into the store, but Trader Joe’s just feels like a little escape for me, even if my anxiety is high because of the combo of people + small aisles, aka not a lot of wiggle room to stay 6 ft apart from other customers (especially in the frozen section!!!! move soon please I need my cauliflower gnocchi!!!!). 

We have this whole system of grocery shopping ever since quarantine started, where we’ll bring in the bags and leave them on the kitchen floor, and then one person will grab each grocery item and wash it with soap and water before another person dries it and puts it in it’s appropriate spot. We know there’s research to support that getting covid from groceries is super unlikely, but we started this routine before we had read that and it feels silly to stop now when it allows us a certain peace of mind. I don’t mind the washing either (I’m usually the one who does it), as I find it quite peaceful, especially if it’s just me and my brother in the kitchen and I can turn on the radio and listen to music while he and I talk about the latest drama with RuPaul’s drag race. After we finished washing/drying, I cut up a cucumber and opened a bag of baby carrots, and we sat at the table for a bit snacking on our veggies with some tzatziki we just bought. 

I’m going to the beach in a couple of weeks, and I realized that I don’t have a cooler, so I thought about buying one and painting it. I’ve painted coolers for people before, four total, but I’ve never made one for myself. I spent some time on here and on pinterest choosing designs for each side, I’m going for a 70s kinda vibe and I’m really excited to start working on it :)

I worked out for about an hour and a half (currently on a weight loss journey - have 20 lbs and would like to lose 25 more to be at the ideal BMI, would honestly be ok with losing just 15 more but idk we’ll see) and then had some frozen Indian food from Trader Joe’s for dinner, along with some frozen peaches (also from TJ’s) warmed up and topped with a bit of plain greek yogurt and cinnamon. Normally I wouldn’t eat Indian food from TJ’s; at the beginning of my ~ journey ~ i thought they were relatively okay options but the more I learned about calorie deficits, macros, etc, I cut them out of my diet completely. Before I would have palak paneer or chicken tikka masala once in a blue moon, but until tonight, I hadn’t had an Indian dish from TJ’s for 4ish months. However, at this point I find myself stuck in a restrict-binge cycle, and I’m trying to break free from that by listening to my body and allowing myself to eat what I want, given that I’m still in a moderate calorie deficit. Sometimes a bitch just wants a bowl of cereal!!! Who cares if its full of carbs and no protein just gimme!!!

Showered after eating dinner (usually I shower right after exercising but tonight I just didn’t feel like waiting to eat), did my skincare routine, and now here I am! This was a lot longer than I expected but also a ton of fun to do, even if no one reads this (like i’m fully expecting lmao) this made me happy and thats what we’re all here for am i right?? so goodnight tumblr talk to u tm!!