#we’re both sick of everything and small we are the same person

[cheebse]

Dungeon related media got me spiraling again <3

I feel this old fart on a nye spritual level

[apute11as]

Everything happens for a reason part 5 - Alexia Putellas x pregnant!reader

Summary: the world cup final holds some bumps and bruises.

Warnings: angst, blood, injury (all resolved don’t worry!!)

Notes: We pretend alexia played the full 90 of the final… and assisted the winner🤫and no R*biales situation. ALSO deepest apologies for how inactive i’ve been, i have been busy but… i’ve also been lazy i’ll try and be better from now on im sorry!! ❤️

⭐️My requests are open!

Other parts here!!

~~~~

Things had been a lot calmer since yours and Alexia’s phone call. The morning sickness and overall fatigue was ever present but the mind numbing arguing had subsided. Alexia still wasn’t overly impressed that you were still playing, as you were nearing the end of your first trimester. The management staff now knew about your pregnancy but after a medical checkup and lots of reassuring, they cleared you to complete the tournament.

The World Cup final was soon and you’d just finished the match that saw you get through. As the final whistle blew, relief flooded your system at the win.

“YES WE’RE THROUGH Y/N!” Screamed Mary, picking you up and hoisting you onto her back.

“I know I can’t believe it!!” You shouted back

The rest of the girls were celebrating as you remained on the goalkeeper’s back, her carrying you around like a carriage.

“Oi careful Mearps don’t want to damage the little princesa!” Bellowed Lucy, upon seeing you on her back.

You were pretty sure Alexia had threatened Lucy in some way in order for her to look out for you whilst Alexia couldn’t. You couldn’t go a day without the older brunette either piling extra food onto your plate, shouting at someone for touching you lightly or simply calling the baby “La princesa”.

——

Later that evening, you were splayed across Lucy’s bed, Alessia beside you as the two of you had decided to bombard the older girl until she agreed to let you come in. A Disney movie was playing in the background as you rested your head in Alessia’s lap, your hand absentmindedly tracing patterns on your small bump.

“Ughh why are my tits so sore!” You groaned

“I don’t think your wife would be too happy about me partaking in a conversation about your tits” joked Lucy sarcastically.

“oh shut up! Everything just hurts all the time now, my whole body just kills, especially after the matches” you whined.

“Old age feels the same” laughed Lucy.

“Well both of you are complaining an awful lot considering we only have the final to go, surely that’s exciting no?” added Alessia

“I mean sure it’s exciting but i’m not really looking forward to playing against my wife and half of our team”

“Yeah me neither honestly” agreed Lucy

“Ugh you’re both so miserable, we’ve made it to our first world cup final!” Alessia insisted

“I can’t wait to go home honestly” you began. “I mean obviously I’d love for us to win and this tournament has been incredible, but I just miss my wife and my dog” you explained, eyes filling with tears.

“Oh honey are you crying?” Alessia asked, pulling you into her embrace

“shut up i’m not crying” you huffed in disgust, causing alessia to squeeze you harder. “it’s the baby it’s not me” you sobbed

“look at that la reina is controlling you through her spawn even when she’s not here” bellowed lucy

“Piss off bronze” you sulked

———

Training leading up to the final was exhausting to say the least, and it really wasn’t helped by the helicopter parenting you got from half of the team, regarding the baby. The running joke of you “carrying the heir to the throne” caught on quick, even Sarina had played into it, which really didn’t help the teasing you were already receiving from the girls.

Alexia had managed to call you every day recently, inquiring after the health of her “princesas” and somehow managing to hover more than anyone, despite not even being there in person. That is how you found yourself, the day before the final on the phone to your wife, despite you both swearing not to speak to each other before the match.

“Yes Alexia i have been eating well” you huffed

“Are you sure mi amor? How is the sickness?” she replied

“Still exists but it’s definitely better now, it’s only in the morning so it’s not draining me quite as much.”

“That’s good bebita, how are you feeling about tomorrow?” Your wife questioned with a frown.

“Hey i thought we agreed, no football talk” you asked, raising your eyebrows.

“sí but i couldn’t resist mi amor, it won’t leave my mind”

“i know Ale but just think, after tomorrow we’ll be together again, regardless of the result” you smiled

“i miss you so much” she sighed

“i miss you too baby” you agreed

———

Dinner that evening was tense, it was evident that despite the excitement in the air at the prospect of a world cup final, the anxiety levels were also high. Even Georgia who was infamous for her inability to keep quiet, was relatively subdued. A strange sense of dread overcame your body as you realised your little bubble would burst as soon as the World Cup was over. Which was not to say that that you didn’t miss your wife because you most definitely did but you knew that this would almost certainly be your last game of competitive football before the baby arrived which was bittersweet when you really thought about it.

“How you feeling darling?” Questions Mary, lightly bumping your hip as she passed her plate onto the chef to be loaded.

“Nervous but excited i think” you half laughed.

“You’ll be amazing, you’ve saved us multiple times in this tournament. I know how hard it’ll be to be up against her but you deserve it y/n! Celebrate that regardless of the result tomorrow”

“You always know what to say Mary” you smiled, bringing the older woman into a hug.

You hadn’t slept so well since the tournament has started, sometimes all that was needed was a friend.

The journey to the match saw you receiving a good luck text from many people, one of which being your mother in law. Although you knew she’d be supporting Spain, as would Alba, you knew that the pair would be proud of both you and Alexia regardless of the result.

——

The bus arrived at the ground after a short 30 minute drive, something you were thankful for as that pregnancy travel sickness was no joke. You were seated next to Alessia much to your delight, the younger girl had been nothing but supportive of you the entire tournament. Ella and Mary were sat opposite you two on the table, playing a rather competitive game of uno.

“You ready?” Alessia sighed as she stood up.

“As ready as i’ll ever be” you said, mirroring her sigh.

“LETS GO GIRLS!” Bellowed Ella, the brunette forever having no filter.

You stepped off the bus, only to be greeted by masses of fans behind the gates, waiting to cheer you in. Many of those fans were adorned in Spanish shirts, likely hoping to get a video of you, Lucy and Keira as you noticed a couple of them with Barça scarves around their necks.

You smiled as you high-fived the row of mascot children to your right, carrying a bottle of water in your other hand.

As you found your way to the changing room, the atmosphere started to sink in as you realised you were actually at a world cup final, something that 5 year-old you had dreamed of since the day your idols Ronaldinho and Rivaldo had stepped onto that same stage 21 years ago.

Pitch inspection was up next as you wandered beside your captain with her reminding you of formation and reassuring you of your importance to the team throughout the tournament. You looked across the pitch and saw the Spanish team doing the same thing, wondering whether or not it would be appropriate to go and greet them.

Lucy being Lucy, beat you to that thought as she bounded over in the direction of Ona and your recognisably pink-haired girlfriend. Alexia was adorned in a navy blue tracksuit that proudly (or rather not so) displayed the RFEF emblem on her heart.

You wandered over, slightly more carefully than your counterpart, locking eyes with your wife as she looked up from her phone. Her gaze softened as it met yours, the both of you knowing that a conversation would result in tears, no matter the nature of it. Instead, you chose a simple hug, a hug that said more than words ever could. One of her arms was settled on your back, the other reached gently over your hoodie to caress the small bump that formed there.

“I love you” she whispered softly in your ear.

“Te amo” you responded, before breaking the hug and wandering back over to join the rest of your teammates, knowing you both needed the focus before the match and any further interaction would have to wait for the sake of concentration.

Upon reaching the dressing room, you began to change into your warmup kit, placing your hands where your wife’s have been just moments ago and smiling.

“Starting to show are we?” Questioned Leah with a smirk

“Hmm yes a little” you smiled

“How do you feel seeing her?” She inquired after Alexia

“Honestly relieved to be with her again” you sighed

“Well that’s good darling, we’ve got a game to win now come on!” She cheered as she dragged you by the arm, onto the pitch.

——

You readied yourself into position, you spared a simple glance at your wife, knowing that regardless of the result today you would end up in her arms and that thought alone was enough to calm some of the nerves currently enveloping your body. You glanced into the stadium briefly, scanning the crowd where your gaze met your mother and sister in law, cheering frantically. You noticed that Alba was in fact wearing an England scarf on top of her Spain jersey, a detail that made you grin slightly at her love.

The game kicked off relatively fast paced with Spain holding much of possession but luckily the majority of that possession was through their defence and midfield and far from your backline. The actual tempo of the game was relatively calm with the majority of Spain’s attacking opportunities being closed down through the talented midfield and sharp defence that England possessed.

However this all but changed in the 29th minute as Lucy made a risky run out into the middle and you were torn between covering her and staying on Jenni as she’d positioned herself perfectly onside, ready to receive any loose ball that came her way and likely put it in the net, knowing the talented feet of the 33 year old. Ultimately you stood your ground with Jenni, calling on Georgia to come back and cover. Before Georgia could grasp what you were saying over the volume of the crowd, Spain had regained possession via Alexia as she slotted a pass of pin point accuracy across to Olga Carmona who running at full speed down the wing, the wing in which Lucy should reside. Damn Lucy Bronze and her spontaneous spurts of energy. Your legs moved faster than your mind as you raced across the pitch, attempting to thwart Spain’s promising attack but before you could get there, Carmona struck the ball with a perfection that many could only dream of. You watched as the ball soared across the goal, straight at the right post and hit the back of the net as Mary stretched out fully.

The save never came.

Everything went silent.

Spain had scored and there was nothing you could do about it.

Your ears tuned back into reality as you watched Olga lift her shirt to reveal a message in celebration, you watched as her teammates, including your wife, rushed to pile her into a group hug. You watched as your own teammates sauntered back to the half way line in despair, knowing that your decision to stick back could’ve been the decider that cost a goal in potentially the most important game of your career.

Despite all this, you couldn’t help but feel a warmth inside you as you saw Alexia, the look of pure passion and happiness on her face, a look you missed seeing when she played. Your wife had assisted the goal to put her team ahead in a World Cup final and despite it being against your beloved England, you couldn’t help but feel a small sense of joy for the woman you loved.

——

Half time couldn’t have come any sooner as you wiped your brow and plodded off the field, exhausted from both the physical and emotional battles that the first half had brought.

The dressing room was tense, Sarina was in the centre of it offering a motivating team talk, a team talk you payed little attention to as all you could think about was how you selfishly hoped she’d pull you off at half time. You’d never ask to come off but if she did decide to take you off in that moment, you couldn’t help but feel you’d be happy for the rest as the pregnancy was seriously impacting your energy levels.

To your disappointment, your prayers were not answered and you were forced to likely endure another 45 minutes of football, despite the ache that persisted throughout your body. You gathered into the huddle of your teammates, just as the second half was about to commence.

“You alright y/n?” Asked Lucy, concern etched in her face

“Mhm just a little exhausted” you assured the older woman

“Well vamos chica let’s kick some Spanish ass!” Cheered Lucy, as the huddle broke up and everyone returned to their positions.

——

The second half started slowly with near enough no excitement, England has their chances throughout but none of them connected, hitting the crossbar or going just wide every time.

That didn’t stop Spain from fighting for a second all throughout, a second they might be coming close to.

Aitana dribbled through the English midfield as if they were cones in her training drill, leaving each one for dead and proceeding to boot in your direction. You met her run, using your body to shield your goal as she curved to the left, in an attempt to foil you but you stood your ground. Hands behind your back, body perfectly positioned as you blocked her powerful cross that would’ve found Jenni, unmarked in the box had it not been for your body. The ball went out for a corner as you let out a small sigh of relief which didn’t last long as you moved to mark none other than your wife on the edge of the box.

“Hola bebita” alexia grinned, in an attempt to distract you

“Shut up Putellas” you countered, causing her to roll her eyes and laugh from behind you, where her body was flush against your back, albeit a little softer than usual. Likely due to the precious cargo you carried.

Mariona aligned herself at an angle with the corner flag, holding one arm in the air to signal the corner routine.

A split second later she struck her foot to release the ball, a ball heading in your direction. You jumped and full power, in an attempt to beat a most definitely taller Alexia to the ball. Alexia jumper almost in sync, mind set on nothing but ensuring the ball reached the back of the net. However, neither of you made it to the ball and Alexia’s head collided sharply with the back of your head, causing a wave of pain to wash over you and your whole body to crumple forwards due to the shock, Alexia landing half on top of you.

You screamed out in pain as everything went black.

“Y/N!” Screamed Mary as she watched blood drip from your head.

“MEDIC NOW!” Yelled Lucy as the medical staff came rushing over to your unconscious form.

Alexia rubbed her head in pain as she sprung up at the commotion, met with the sight of her wife bleeding on the floor. Her pregnant wife, hurt, because if her. Reality kicked in at that moment.

“No no no no mi amor.” She pleaded “Lo siento, lo siento” she beckoned as she crouched down, eyes wide in horror at the sight in front of her.

She felt an arm grip her shoulder and pull her back and was met with the faces of Chloe Kelly and Lauren James as they shoved her away, screaming abuse in her face.

You’d regained consciousness as this point as the medics shone a light in your face and began assessing the wound.

“She’s pregnant” Mary announced to the medics, as they nodded with a look of pure worry that elicited a sinking feeling in the stomachs of those present.

Your teammates huddled close by, with concern present on all of their faces. Alexia fought her way back through pleading to you.

“Go away Alexia” was all you could manage before you slipped back out of consciousness.

Alexia’s heart broke at the sight, you blamed her, you thought she’d done it on purpose, shock set into her body as she watched in horror as the medical team loaded you onto a stretcher and stretched you off to medical.

“¡Quiero ir con ella!” Alexia demanded towards Vilda who shook his head and began lecturing her in Spanish. She protested consistently but eventually agreed to play the final 10 minutes, out of fear of punishment, not to herself by the younger players, should she argue any further.

The final whistle felt like an eternity later. Alexia having done nothing but fight the urge to run off the pitch in the final 10 minutes. Spain had won the World Cup but Alexia had no desire to celebrate with her team, all she wanted was to run to her wife and ensure you and the baby were okay. She was stopped by a firm grip on her hands as Vilda shoved her in the direction of the team. She shoved him right back, a moment she knew would be plastered all over social media later. A problem that could wait for the future.

As she was stopped again, Alexia spotted her mother in the crowd and signalled for her to find you and her mother did so, barging past security and into the tunnel.

Alexia slipped past everyone, ignoring the beckoning of the Spanish staff and bolted into the tunnel, knowing that the media would tear her apart later, calling her “cocky” “overrated” and “ungrateful” for her obvious disinterest in the trophy and general celebration but she did not care. The only thing on her mind in that moment was her family. No medal, trophy or football game was more important that you or her child.

After a frantic search she located you, accompanied by your medical staff and her mother and sister.

“Mi Estella, lo siento mucho” she pleaded, tears welling in her eyes

“I know Ale you didn’t mean it” you mumbled weakly

“No of course not amor! Are you okay? El bebé? Is the baby okay?” She rambled, ignoring the look of pure shock on her mother and sister’s face.

“We’re running tests now, just prepping an ultra sound machine” informed one of the doctors, as he squirted a blue gel across the gentle curve of your stomach.

“I’m so sorry querida” tears were streaming now “I hurt you! I hurt our bebita” she spluttered cupping your face as you felt the doctor begin to move the probe over your stomach.

“Ale no it’s okay, i’m okay look” you gestured towards the ultrasound machine

A steady heart beat filled the room.

A grainy image of your baby filled the screen.

The baby was okay.

“Oh, gracias a Dios” her mother exclaimed, relieved at the health of her grandchild that she’d only learnt existed moments ago.

“YOU’RE PREGNANT?!” Yelled Alba

“Sí lo siento for not telling you both, I found out during the tournament, we’ve been trying for months” you smiled, tears in your eyes.

The ultrasound technician wiped the gel with a tissue before printing out several copies of the image.

Your wife was unbelievably silent, staring, mouth wide at the ultrasound.

“Alexia” you called

“Te quiero más que a nada” she breathed. “I’m so sorry mi amor, I’ve missed you so much” she placed a gentle kiss to your lips, squeezing your hands firmly with her sweaty ones, before she placed a second kiss to your bump.

“I’m so glad we’re together again mi vida” you replied with a smile, touching your foreheads together.

“I so hope it’s a girl so she can be alba junior!” Raved the younger Putellas sister

“ALBA!” Alexia and Eli retorted simultaneously.

~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading this series, please send any requests in my inbox and any feedback too i love you all <3

[daylighteclipsed]

Cloud and Tifa’s dialogue exchanges in Rebirth are banger after banger imo. But one of my absolute favorites is when they’re casually discussing food in the Bodybuilders in a Bind side quest.

I think it’s because it’s an unexpected but delightfully natural conversation? And it goes on for a while? This is a quest about working out, so you’d expect them to talk about workout routines or something. Instead, they end up talking about their food preferences after Tifa muses aloud what she should eat when they’re done. (She’s so real for thinking about food mid-workout btw.) She mentions steak, and Cloud makes a connection to Seventh Heaven’s menu. (This is news to us, as the audience; we never saw the menu in Remake.)

From the get-go, the dialogue communicates a lot without having to outright tell us everything. Tifa is the kind of person who thinks aloud without realizing it. She often plans meals/post-workout meals. She enjoys steak, and she put it on the Seventh Heaven menu, half of which — “the better half” — is (well, was) host to a number of meals she enjoys that Cloud also enjoys, as he laments not eating there more often. Tifa’s proud of her menu and cooking. And Cloud cares about the bar enough to remember the menu. While we’ve seen him express desire to rebuild Seventh Heaven before, this is the first time I really feel like he doesn’t want to rebuild it just to make Tifa happy. He cared about the place too. He misses it too.

The conversation continues with Tifa asking if Cloud’s a picky eater. Cloud replies that in the military, you eat what you’re fed. “SOLDIERs can’t be choosers.” Tifa mentions that she used to be a really picky eater. Cloud finds this surprising, and she emphasizes that she USED to be picky. “Can’t be choosers in the Slums, either.” Cloud, still curious, asks how Tifa feels about crab. She says that she’s not a fan, and he says that he’s not either.

Circumstances have made food more about survival. Cloud and Tifa are not in a position to choose, but they both still have preferences. I think this is interesting because this side quest comes right after Cloud’s side quest rendezvous with Aerith, where he sounds indifferent to what he eats. He expresses a little curiosity about how the clams/oysters/etc. from the shells they’re collecting might taste. Then Aerith says they could ask a local but she doesn’t think Cloud cares that much, and he just agrees. “I don’t. Food’s food.” And the conversation ends.

Cloud and Tifa talk about food almost this entire side quest lol. Clearly, food is not just food. Both characters have preferences, and they want to know each other’s preferences. There’s a sense of mutual interest and engagement, and a mutual ease of conversation flowing between them. (I think it’s fitting and a little humorous that Cloud brings up crab when they’re in a place like Costa del Sol. Crab is probably on every menu in town lmao He’s probably sick of seeing it.) Anyway, the most obvious takeaway from all this is that Cloud and Tifa have the same taste in food. But we’re not done yet.

From here, Tifa asks Cloud what the meals SOLDIERs eat taste like. Cloud replies that they’re healthy but not tasty, making a small disgusted “eugh” sound that earns a laugh from Tifa. Obviously, Cloud was never really in SOLDIER, but it’s safe to assume the average grunt also eats what they’re fed, and it doesn’t taste good. Cloud then begins to reminisce about their childhood. In hindsight, he realizes, they had it pretty good growing up. Tifa agrees. With fresh fruits and veggies, “and great chefs eager to use ‘em,” it’s hard to complain.

This isn’t the first time Cloud brings up their childhood in this side quest — he does very briefly at the start when he playfully asks Tifa what little Tifa would think of her adult self’s eagerness to kick some ass. But what’s so interesting is (if you play the game chronologically) I think this side quest is the first time Cloud brings up fond childhood memories without any prompting? He chooses to reflect on the past and steer his conversation with Tifa that way, to how they ate in Nibelheim, and it’s comfortable. It’s easy. A far cry from Tifa’s memory tests at the start of the game.

The past has been so tricky for Cloud and Tifa to navigate. It’s nice to see them reminisce about something so mundane and relatable like home-cooked meals. There’s some sadness in knowing neither of them can have that from their parents again… But there’s also the hope of rebuilding Seventh Heaven down the road. They — and their friends/found family — can always start a garden and enjoy homemade meals together someday, right? (Later in Gongaga, Barret mentions maybe starting a garden with Marlene. I think a shared/family garden when things settle down would be really sweet, but I digress.)

I think the dialogue in this side quest demonstrates the chemistry between Cloud and Tifa and quietly highlights their growing connection/reconnection. It flows so naturally (credit to the VAs for that as well). It really feels like two people hanging out and enjoying each other’s company, like they’re just going for a jog or grabbing a bite to eat or something instead of battling monsters. It paints a picture of what their casual/candid/low stakes dynamic is like, and it tells us more about them as individuals. It’s delightful. I love it.

[pretty-blkgirl]

Soul’s Desire [Ch. 7]

- Masterlist-

A/N: Contains a written part

Knocking on the door to Bang Chan’s studio proved to be the hardest task you’ve ever faced. On the other side of the door was your soulmate, the person you were fated to be with.

On one hand, you were ecstatic, finding your soulmate was one of your biggest dreams. But on the other hand, being an idol was another one of your dreams, and what are the odds you’re meant to be with a man who’s a part of the same company as you?

You knew how big of a scandal this could be, and how much damage it would do to your respective careers. He was in one of the biggest K-pop groups in the world, and though you could already feel your affection towards him grow, you couldn’t bear to ruin everything he’s worked for.

Just as your anxiety spiked, and you contemplated running away, the studio door swung open to reveal a smiley Han Jisung.

Immediately your heart rate rose. It was silly, not only were you nervous because you were face to face with your destined partner, but also because this was the first time you both met personally.

Despite both being at JYP, the boys' schedule either had them overseas or cooped up in a studio. You being a trainee for only 6 months meant you barely had any time to meet them.

Your members met them though, Dae was even good acquaintances with Changbin, but your busy schedule (mixed with your ability to somehow miss any chance of meeting them you get) kept you away from them.

Now you stand right in front of someone who you admire and is destined to love.

Crazy how life works.

“Come in,” He says, moving to the side and allowing you to walk past. The first thing you see is Chan’s legendary laptop sitting on the desk.

Your impulsive thoughts say to touch it, but you don’t, instead, you sit on the sofa and look down at your shoes.

Han, ever so attentive to the new mark that connects you two, taps your shoulder and waits patiently for you to look up at him.

When you do, he’s wearing a kind look, “Foods gonna be here soon.”

You nod and quickly look down again, not missing the small chuckle Han lets out before he sits at the edge of the desk. There’s an awkward silence before he decides to break it

“Stop being so nervous”

“You’re Han Jisung”

“You’re y/n y/l/n”

“You’re HAN JISUNG”

“Call me Hannie” He smirks, “All the people close to me call me that”

“We’re close?”

“We’re soulmates. It doesn’t get any closer than that”

A knock on the door startled you briefly but Han walks to the door, opens it slightly, and talks to the person outside. The conversation is quick, and he closes the door after a few minutes.

“Staff?” You ask

“Yeah, my manager”

Your anxiety rises a little, “Does he know about me?”

“He definitely knows about your group, and he’s good friends with your manager, so I’d say yes”

You sigh, “Han, I mean does he know about us?”

“He doesn’t” He shrugs, “I promised you I wouldn’t tell anyone”

“Right” you nod, “Only one of my members know, we shouldn’t tell anyone else”

Han’s silence is, frankly, loud. It causes your anxiety to rise as you ponder over what’s not being said.

“There’s something you’re not telling me”

“We should get to know each other”

“Han please just tell me”

“Can’t I get to know my soulmate a little?”

With a defeated groan, you scoot over and pat the space next to you on the couch. He happily sits and isn’t shy about checking you out.

“You’re gorgeous” He sputters, “I’m a lucky guy”

Your cheeks heat up instantly, “You’re pretty nice-looking yourself”

The conversation flows after that, with you two telling stories about your predebut life, your likes and dislikes, and most importantly- what you expect from a soulmate.

“I value affection, but I understand some people aren’t affectionate,” You say, “What’s your love language?”

“Honestly I think all of them” Han answers with a small chuckle, “How about you?”

“Same! I can’t pick one. Lately, I’m into physical touch though, my members are sick of me”

This makes Han burst out laughing, and you realize just how cute his laugh is.

Once he’s calmed down, he looks at you with pure adoration, “I can’t believe this is the first time we met. How long were you a trainee again?”

“Six months” You answer, “I heard Lee Know was a trainee for only a couple weeks though?”

“That’s true! He’s so talented, I’m excited for you to meet the guys”

“Yeah, I hope they like me”

All the ease drained from you as Han gave you a weird look

“Han, you’re still not telling me something”

He sighs, “I just don’t know how you’re gonna react”

“Is it bad?” You question, your nerves causing you to tap your foot repeatedly

“No,” He says, “Just a lot to take in”

He sets a comforting hand on your knee, and you stop tapping your foot instantly.

“How’s your symbol feeling?” He questions suddenly

“It kinda tingles a little, I thought that maybe it was reacting to the bond you have with your members…?”

He gives you a small grin, “Yeah, that’s halfway right”

“Can you please tell me the whole truth?”

“…The bond is reacting that way because I’m not your only soulmate”

You were surprised, but not as much considering this theory had been in the back of your mind.

Okay, so you have more than one, crazy but not impossible.

“Okay, is it Chan and Changbin? My palm burned when I saw them earlier”

Han looked away and scratched his neck nervously, “Yeah it’s them”

“Okay, three soulmates! That’s alright, I’ll get used to it” Your tone was optimistic, and you thought Han would share the same sentiment.

Unfortunately, he looked back at you with an odd expression

“Um… what if I said there are more?”

“What? You said it was Chan and Changbin”

“It is! That’s just not it”

You groaned loudly, “Who else then?”

“…..the other five members”

~~~~|~~~~

Taglist: @prttyxbby @yukichan67 @h0rnyp0t @chuuyaobsessed @hanniemylovelyquokka

[fantasticallyfruity4]

You know how people have started telling their kids “if you get lost go find a goth/punk person” bc (rightfully so) like this wild cultural shift has led to us being seen as safe, trustworthy responsible ppl?

Okay

Well

It got me thinking about punk Steve (again. Of corse) and this being a single dad! Eddie steddie meet cute.

I don’t know what’s funnier. Eddie telling little Max and Dustin that if they get lost they should look for someone who looks like him/his friends, someone goth/punk/metal. Or his kids doing it on their own volition. Bc the housewives with their little strollers always give their dad dirty looks and mean sneers in the grocery store but the people who look like their dad and his friends are always nice to him.

However it goes, one day Steve’s at the super market and he feels a small hand tug on the bottom of his battle jacket and a small voice say “excuse me mister?”

And he looks down and this little pippy long stockings kid is looking up at him with a wobbly lip and tears in her eyes and he’s like instantly on alarm and panicked.

“Hey friend, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Where’s your mom?”

“I got lost and I can’t find my daddy and my brother”

“Hey, that’s okay, we’ll find them together. Insta gonna be okay. What do they look like?”

“Uuuh. My daddy looks like you. But with more hair”. And Steve snorts a laugh because yup, that makes sense. Usually parents tell their kids to stay a million miles away from him at all times. Corse this kid is a punks baby. “What’s your bother look like? He got hair like you? What’s his name?”

“Dustin. He’s got brown hair and a big dumb hat”.

Steve snorts. “Think your funny?”

And the little girl giggles. Cool. Good. Mission accomplished.

“So we’re looking for dad and Dustin. Dustin’s got a big dumb hat and dads wearing a jacket like me, yeah?” And she nods. Cool. Okay that’s easy to find. “And what’s your name?” “I’m max”. “That’s a cool name max. I’m steve”

And so Steve and the little girl make a couple laps around the grocery store calling out for Dustin, and finally, finally, they hear panting and squeaking rubber and “max! Oh my god max! You scared the crap out of me!” And this- oh. This gorgeous metal head is running up to the girl and pulling her into his arms, mumbling a string of “don’t scare me like that again” and “I’m sorry baby I’m so sorry baby” and “I was worried sick”.

Sure enough there’s a little kid, bout the same height as max in a big dumb hat next to him.

Metal head dilf finally puts max down whose now hugging dustin who looks just as distraught at their dad was, and the metal head finally takes Steve in.

A glint catches in his eyes.

“You find this nice man to help you?” He asks. And she nods.

“Oh man, thank you so much I’m so sorry for the trouble” he apologizes. Steve just chuckles. “Hey it’s okay, I’m just glad we found you guys. Was getting worried for a few there. I’m Steve” Eddie takes the hand Steve extended. “I’m Eddie, I swear to god I don’t usually loose my kids” and steve laughs. “Hey, it happens to everyone, don’t sweat it. She’s okay, you’re okay, everything’s alright, yeah?”

“I still feel so horrible for the trouble. Is there anything I can do? Please let me atleats buy you a coffee”

Steve looks at his watch. He wishes he could. “I’ve gotta get to work, im really sorry, im already cutting it close since, you know” “oh, oh my god im so so sorry”

Listen. Listen. Steve’s no saint. And there is clearly a lack of a wedding band on this guys hand and 99% of the time if a kid is at a grocery store it’s with their mom. And some of those patches-

Steve’s gotta try.

“Hey, I really have to jet but um, here’s my number. Make good on that coffee some other time?”

“Yeah, yeah absolutely! Absolutely. Thank you, so much again. You’re a lifesaver Steve” Eddie smiles taking the small paper Steve just wrote his number on. (A cocktail napkin from a gay club in indie he just happened to have in his pocket, a god ordained way of making sure they were both on the same page.

[kel-lance]

The New Kid? 🙄😒 (Yandere!?Yuta x Reader)

Warnings: Wrote this months ago and don’t want to reread or fix it up but I feel there should be some warnings though I wouldn’t really know what they’d be other than lying?

- you want to hurt him, ever since you met him, ever since rika hurt your friends to defend this pos who just happens to be gojo sensei’s family. You realize you’re obsessed with him after the 2nd month of not being able to drop it.

- with panda and toge teasing you in front of yuta bc we all know on your crush on maki but she think’s you’re all joking and to stop making fun of her.

- When the truth drops you try to leave immediately to not get everyone else involved with rika but she grabbed your hair and pulled you up, she’s thinking of what she’ll do to you

- Yuta tells her to stop which surprises you all

- He takes off his ring and tells them to watch Rika while you two talk

- You try to leave again but this time he actually has a grip on you

- You’re scared, does that mean all this time he was holding back and just teasing you? you felt humiliated, you hated him so much you start crying into his chest

- He holds you nicely and you realize he does actually care, no one would hold someone like that and say those things but you tell him outright you don’t like him near maki and you hated the fact you keep toying with Rika because a girls love is precious and how could he have toyed with you this whole time?

- he said it was the only time you’d give him more attention so he was okay with it. he’s around maki bc he’s never around girls in general because of rika but bc maki’s also your bsf he wanted to know about you. He kept saying things that made the pieces fit together but you just couldn’t trust him still. You don’t want to go on with him as your classmate, you start to think of how you’ll be moving which freaks yuta out. where which who? why?

- You shove him off of you, for ruining what you tried so hard to make for yourself, and he just comes in. Maki felt the same but they bonded, met while i was on a lengthy mission. I was so pissed Gojo didn’t tell me until after, that ass.

- You try to move for the door but he takes a step out blocking your path. You look at the window and he grabbed your hand again, telling you to stop yelling at you to stop until you finally did, and you broke down again just yelling i hate you at him until you just start to wail into him.

- You cry and cry and cry until youre so tired you apologize. You don’t know what time it is but he’s still holding you. “Why do you want to speak to me about that so bad isn’t this enough u sick fuck?”

- He holds you tither and smiles his usually bright smile and says “Because you see me for who I really am. Rika, Maki, Toge, Panda, even Sensei all see me as weak, nice, a regular person. But you were on guard the moment you saw me, not like the rest of them because of Rika’s CE, but because of my own mind. You know exactly what i’m doing, what i;m thinking. Its like we’re one.”

- What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck you wish for once you weren’t right. He’s a guy, he’s a guy and he’s the same as all of them you had to go. Your crush for him was confused, your excitement, arousal, mixed with how scared you were paralyzed you as you could only stare into his eyes that darkened. He kisses you.

- “Do You want to keep up this act? Being mean to me in public. Then I’ll be as equally mean back when we’re alone?” He locked eyes with you, both showing each other faces you’ve never seen before. Your strong, rude personality was shaken by his secretly abusive side. One hand on the small of your back, pulling you in closer to him as he didn’t wait for an answer, he kept leading the kiss, drawing out each one, creating an itch.

- There was something itching on the inside, this kiss made you feel everything but still empty, you were a mess by the end and could barely think straight as you let his hands lightly grip and explore your body. This was so confusing you were wishing it were over so you could talk to him, the him you’ve all seen, not the one you made up in your head, that turned out to be real.

[kiolvrrlv]

we’ll never last (pt. 2)

part 1

auhtfhd someone wanted part 2 so yah

warning(s): kaiser. angst, one curse word lmfao, cheating, idk what else

you laid on the bed. the bed that laid in the guest room of you and kaiser’s shared home; tears stung your eyes as they pathetically rolled down onto your soft pillow. after everything you both gone through, it disappeared like breath into the wind.

it hurt you. he hurt you. this relationship which once seemed like a fairytale turned into a disaster. you loved him, didn’t you? you tried your best, no? so what encouraged him to see another person behind your back?

you felt sick to your stomach. his actions were disgusting— he was disgusting. you hate him, so why are you sobbing so hard for him? why are you letting your emotions pour out for him?

you tossed and turned around the soft mattress until you decided to sit up. actions have consequences, yet he ignored that phrase as if it was a leaf on the ground. you handed him your heart, yet he was unable to hand you his. he deserves to feel the ache in his heart like you feel right now.

“(name), why are you still up at this hour?” michael asked as he went in the guest room you were staying in. why would he care? “don’t tell me you’re upset because of what i said earlier. you’re so sensitive.” he complained.

you laid there, not speaking a word to him. hell, you didn’t even make eye contact with him. “it was just a few people, it’s not that big of deal. stop being so fucking sensitive, (name).”

he sighed, “i’m sorry, i guess?” it definitely wasn’t sincere. “look,” he sat on the edge of the bed. “it was the heat of the moment, i couldn’t help myself. you can understand, right?” he reached out to grab your shoulder.

before he could place his hand down, you shifted away from him. he hesitated before pulling his hand back. he cheated on you; he shouldn’t feel what he’s feeling now. his heart shouldn’t ache like this. the way you ignored his touch— just hurt.

day after day, you wouldn’t speak to michael. you wouldn’t look at him, go near him, you wouldn’t even eat in the same room as him anymore. you grew distant and michael grew more and more frustrated. not at you, but at himself. frustrated at himself for feeling this heartbroken; frustrated that he craves your attention; so frustrated that he just wanted you to spare one glance at him, give him one second of your attention.

he shouldn’t feel this way, but it just hurt so bad. he regret going to other people behind your back because now you’re acting as if he doesn’t even exist anymore. he’d scroll through photos of you both from his phone, replaying the memory in his head, recalling how happy you were around him. he missed that. he missed you.

he felt lonely. a feeling that he has never felt before until now. a feeling he hates with all his guts. he wanted you back. he can no longer deny it anymore; he wanted you back in his life. he’ll even get on his knees and beg like a dog if that meant you’ll stay with him.

“..can we talk? please?” michael asked you. you gave him a glance and a small nod before looking away. that one glance made michael’s heart stop aching for a moment. “(name).. i’m sorry for cheating on you. it was wrong of me. i miss you; i need you in my life, so please. forgive me..?” he grabbed your hands and looked at you with a pleading expression.

“lets end this, michael.” those words felt like blade piercing through his chest. he looked horrified. “i’m not staying with you, we’re done.”

“but— (name), please. i need you— you’re all i want, i’m sorry i ever looked at other people, i’m sorry, so please. don’t leave me.” his bottom lip quivered as tears starting stinging his eyes.

you removed your hands from his grasp and took a step back, giving him one last look. “it’s final, we’re over. goodbye.” and with that, you left.

the salty liquid rolled down michael’s cheeks as he watched you leave. he wanted to stop you, but his legs refused to take him anywhere. he couldn’t speak as it felt like something was lodged in his throat.

he wanted you to stay, but he couldn’t bring himself to chase after you. his pride was probably to big. but despite that, the one thing he dreaded the most came true. he lost you for good.

graahh

[taeyegu]

introduce me a good person — 014. the light

previous // next

word count — 839

warning(s) — wonwoo fainting lmao

by the time y/n finally arrived to wonwoo's office (thirty-five minutes late by the way), she finds wonwoo curled up into a shivering ball on his couch in front of his desk.

"wonwoo?" y/n's soft voice startled wonwoo and despite his messy appearance from almost having a mental breakdown at the thought of y/n ditching him, he got up to allow his friend in and to shut the door of his office.

"y/n, h-how are you?" wonwoo wanted the ground to swallow him up... it's been almost a few weeks since you've seen her and the most he can muster up is 'how are you'?

he was grateful to see her smile, "well i just got out of a five hour surgery if that gives you a hint." she giggled, "and by the way, i'm sorry for keeping you waiting, i wanted to freshen up a little bit before i saw you." the softness in her voice almost made wonwoo melt.

"no problem! i was fine!" his awkward smile totally gave everything away but y/n didn't bother to say anything. she was probably just as nervous as he was.

the two friends sat down across from each other. wonwoo took a deep breath to ready himself for this conversation. despite them being friends for a majority of their lives, this was probably one of the hardest conversations wonwoo was about to partake in. even his med school interviews cower in the face of wonwoo having to actually talk about his feelings in front of the person he's been in love with since he could remember.

"i'm sorry." the both of them announced at the same time.

"what? why are you apologizing y/n?" wonwoo was puzzled, "i should be apologizing, i was acting stupid this entire time."

"i know!" y/n laughed, "but i was being stupid too and i was basically egging on soonyoung, jun, and jihoon to help me." y/n startled twirling the ends of her hair. it was a habit she had picked up during their med school rotations as a way to help soothe her whenever she was nervous. however since they started their job at svt hospital, she decided to cut her hair shorter to keep herself from fiddling.

"joshua and i are just friends. i don't know whatever plan the three stooges put up but joshua and i are just friends wonwoo."

a huge weight lifted off his shoulders because honestly if this was going to be another unrequited love situation, wonwoo was honestly going to probably move to live at the north pole and wallow away in his sadness.

"oh thank god." he couldn't even hold that comment in, "y/n, i'm not the best at timing but you should know i've been in love with you for as long as i can remember." his deep voice tinted y/n's cheeks pink. "i thought i was always content with just being in your life but when i found out sejun was cheating on you, i couldn't control myself. i know you deserve the best... even if the best isn't with me."

before wonwoo could continue with his speech that he spent the last two days rehearsing in his room, y/n interrupted him.

"wonwoo you are the best for me." it was wonwoo's time to sit there stunned, "i liked you since college but sejun always told me that you only saw me as a friend and i just believed him since you two were friends/roommates--"

"i hated that guy with all my guts y/n, he makes me sick!" wonwoo interjected like a child.

"i realize that now..." a small sigh left y/n. "even though the timing for us is a little off, at least we're here now."

"that's all i could ever ask y/n." wonwoo reached across the coffee table to grab her hands. "but before we continue with anything else, i also wanted to apologize. i was being stupid and irrational. i hurt you and our friends and i'm so sorry."

y/n's soft hands covered his in a reassuring way. "i know i'm emotionally constipated but i'm working on it. i'm bettering myself for myself and hopefully for you too y/n."

"you don't have to better yourself for me wonwoo." y/n's gentle voice comforted him, "i love you just the way you are."

"i know but-- wait what?!"

"hm? did something happen?" y/n questioned, genuinely confused as his reaction.

"y-you just said that you l-love me..." wonwoo barely whispers.

y/n nodded confidently. "yes i did." she smiled, "you said you love me too!"

wonwoo felt his head spinning again. the love of his life knows that he loves her? it's not the end of the world but when did he confess? isn't love too serious right now? oh god why is he seeing the light right now.

and the last thing wonwoo hears is y/n's shocked voice calling out his name as he passes out on his couch.

[mindyourstars]

truly. madly. deeply. (Sebastian Sallow x Fem!Reader)

request from AO3 where Sebastian and reader get married Word Count: 1.5K

*********************************************************************

It had been three years since you finished your time at Hogwarts. You were no longer the fifteen-year-old girl who had to save the world, but rather a woman who had been working on research involving the locations of ancient magic and their origins. It was something you found a lot of comfort in, especially since Professor Fig would have been proud to see the skilled witch you had become. Your life wasn’t all work, however. You had Sebastian at your side every step of the way. It was one big adventure from the moment the two of you finished your seventh year. It was rough at the start with Sebastian. Each discovery had him fighting feelings of guilt with reminders of Anne.

            “It just feels as though everything is a sick reminder of my mistakes.” He yelled as he passed his fingers through his auburn-colored hair. The once goofy looking fifteen-year-old had shot up to tower over you. He had grown into his looks, and since sixth year you fell deeply in love with him. 

            “Sebastian,” You stated, walking up and raising your hands to cup his cheeks in them. It was a way you had learned he calmed down. Your touch aways seemed to calm him down. The biggest sign was the way his cheek nuzzled against the pad of your thumb. “You are not that person. You live with it every day.” 

            You glanced around the enchanted tent the two of you had pitched. The fireplace was lit causing a beautiful orange glow along the multi-colored fabrics. There was a four-poster king-sized bed against the wall across the room, there was a dining area, a small kitchenette, and a large circular rug that sat in the center of the room. The same rug you and Sebastian had laid on with the sheets pulled over your entangled bodies so you could enjoy the fire’s warmth. 

            “Now look where we are.” You stated, gesturing the room the two of you were so very proud of. “We’re doing ancient magic research. You are working with Ominis on the dangers of dark magic! What else could we ask for?” You asked with a baffled tone. 

            You weren’t sure why he was snapping at you, but then he took your hands off his cheeks and into his own hands. His previous expression of hardness softened as his eyes began to scan over your face. 

            “What?” You asked concerned at his lack of an answer. 

            He took his bottom lip into his teeth and your heart began to race. You weren’t sure what was happening, but the change in the room was palpable. 

            “(Y/N),” Sebastian started, and you began to feel your mind race with all the dangerous possibilities of what was going to come out of his mouth next. 

            “Sebastian, if you want to leave me to do this research I-“ You began, but Sebastian placed his lips onto yours to cut you off. 

            You immediately kissed him in return, your arms wrapping around his neck. 

            “(Y/N) I am not leaving you.” He laughed between kisses, causing your shoulders to drop in relief. “But I do want something. I want… you.” 

            This caused you to pull away from the embrace and raise your eyebrows in curiosity. 

            “You already have me. I don’t think I quite follow what you-“ 

            “Marry me.” He said with a smile.

            Your world changed in that moment because before you could even process it you jumped up and kissed Sebastian fiercer than you had ever kissed him before. 

            “I take it that’s a yes?” He asked with a laugh.

            “Yes!” You laughed. 

            Then a year passed since that evening, and the day had come for your wedding. It was a stunning May Day right at evenfall. You both loved sunsets and the idea of your nuptials occurring as the Moon and Sun interchanged positions in the sky. You were in the bridal tent as you began to pace. The dress you wore had lace sleeves that stopped at your wrist and an ivory corset that had your breathing just a tad bit harder than you wanted. The nerves were hard. You glanced at your friends Natsai and Poppy who both gave you an entertained grin. 

            “I never thought I would see the famous (Y/N) (L/N) nervous.” Natsai teased, causing you to shoot her a warning look. 

            “You know you have nothing to be afraid of, (Y/N). Sebastian loves you!” Poppy assured. 

            “I know, I know. I just never thought this day would ever arrive, and now our closest friends and family are here, and everything is very real.” You began to rush, but Poppy and Natsai each took one of your hands and gave them a squeeze. It brought you a comfort you could never forget. You squeezed both of their hands and smiled. Then you moved to the mirror that was set up at the corner of the room and looked at yourself. Your hair was pinned up into a bun with your lace veil cascading around your head. It was all real. 

            That’s when you heard it. 

            “(Y/N), it’s time.” You turned and glanced to the voice. It was Ominis in his best dress robes. 

            He was the person you wanted to walk you down the aisle. Ever since you arrived at Hogwarts, you discovered your found family. 

            “Alright Ominis,” You said, turning to face him with a smile. “Let us do this.” You let the two girls get in front of you as they began to set up in front of the aisle. 

            You grabbed Ominis’ arm as the both of you made way to the aisle and violins began to play. It was a soft and sweet melody that when you stepped foot onto the aisle rang in your ears; but the sound faded away as you made eye contact with Sebastian. He was in his dress robes wringing his hands, but he froze and smiled the second he gazed upon you.

            The setting was perfect. It was set in a canopy of trees where the sky was visible behind the two of you. Your footsteps echoed in your ears as Sebastian drew closer and closer. When you arrived, you hugged Ominis and whispered a thank you before you took your place standing across from Sebastian. 

            The officiant drawled until it was your time to say your vows. 

            “Sebastian Sallow,” You began a smile on your face. “I was the new girl. I was dealing with a world of danger at my fingertips, but you were the first person I was able to open myself up to. To me? That means the world. We have faced some of the world’s largest challenges, but they never seemed big when I was with you. With you everything is possible and that is the most real magic I can ever see.” You smiled at Sebastian whose grin was twice as large as yours. “I promise I will continue to keep this magic between us as bright as the day I kicked your butt in Defense Against the Dark Arts.” 

            That caused a laugh from your audience.

            “I love you Sebastian Sallow, always and forever.” You said with a smile, squeezing the bouquet of flowers in your hands.

            You felt your nerves heighten as it became Sebastian’s turn. 

            “(Y/N) (L/N) I am unequivocally in love with you.” He said with a small laugh, causing the audience to chuckle. “You accompanied me through a darkness I never thought I would ever overcome. You showed me things I never thought I would ever get to see. My favorite thing are the books we’ve read together.” This caused you to raise an eyebrow in response. “One line from a play the two of us read together on one of our adventures sums up how I have felt for you since we were fifteen.” 

            His expression softened as he stammered over his next words, and you moved one of your hands to grab his. 

            “(Y/N) for you I burn, I pine, I perish. I will follow you to the most obscure parts of this magic world, and I will never stop following you. You are the most amazing person for someone like me. Thank you for balancing me.” 

            You felt a single tear fall from the corner of your eye as you smiled at your best friend who in just a few seconds you got to call your husband. You looked right into Sebastian’s eyes as he mouthed ‘truly, madly, deeply.’

            “By the power vested in me by-“ But the words faded out as you jumped into Sebastian’s arms and kissed him over and over and over again. 

            You were going to kiss him every day until the day you were both shriveled and dying. You heard the audience clapping and when you pulled away from each other you both raised your hands in victory. 

            You weren’t sure where the two of you were going to go next, or what life had in store for you two. All you knew was the two of you would be able to take it on together. Marriage would be your forever adventure. 

[tinyinvadr]

New chapter yay!!!

Psychoborrower

Chapter 3

I almost had a heart attack when I made the jump into Raz’s pocket before he left. I got a bit too used to Sasha’s complete obliviousness to my existence that I forgot that most people tend to notice when something small jumps on them.

“Huh? What was that?”

I held my breath as he shook his jacket off. I wasn’t too worried about falling out, but I was definitely concerned this motion would make me throw up. That would easily give me away. And it’s gross.

He gave up pretty quickly once he realized there wasn’t a bug or animal on him, and went off like nothing happened.

Either way, this was probably the stupidest thing I’d ever done. Really. Thanks for guilt tripping me into making up with this kid, Sasha.

On the way there, I overheard his conversations with the other campers, and he came to the conclusion that one of the kids’ brains had been stolen.

Personally, I thought he was just paranoid. The kid in question was Dogen. He’s just like that.

When we got to Milla’s class, he asked Lili about it. It turns out, Raz had a vision in the tumbler about a creepy doctor that perfectly matched up with a nightmare she had been having.

That… was a lot more than paranoia.

Lili ended up leaving class early, but told Raz to meet her later by the lake so they could talk about the situation further.

I tried not to let myself get too worked up about it. After all, none of this concerned me. But at the same time… if Dogen’s brain really was missing, that could mean trouble.

The kid was extremely powerful. Too powerful. To the point where he couldn’t control his own abilities. Head-exploding abilities. And the only thing keeping them at bay was a crumby tinfoil hat. If that brain fell into the wrong hands…

No. Everything was fine. Raz and Lili were just having shared nightmares. That’s… probably normal.

Milla was hesitant to let Raz into her mind, and wasn’t thrilled when she learned Sasha was training him. She has the tendency to be very protective. It took me forever to convince her to train me. Which is kind of strange, because between her, Sasha, and the Coach, her mind is the safest. There are a few Censors here and there, but there aren’t any platforms that you can really fall off of. The course is designed for levitation training, and it accommodates for that very purpose perfectly.

After some convincing, she let us in. Raz wasn’t as shocked by my presence, but he did seem annoyed. As for Milla, she was overjoyed.

“Flint! It’s so good to see you again, darling! And it’s so nice to see you’ve made a friend!”

Raz and I kind of just avoided eye contact for a minute, and Milla stopped dancing on the TV monitor when she took note of the uncomfortable silence.

“Oh, I see… Well, not to worry! A party is the best place to work out your problems, so I’m sure whatever’s going on between you two will sort itself out! Now then, Razputin, I’ve given you your Levitation learner’s permit. Finish the course, and you’ll get your merit badge! Start whenever you’re ready!”

I’d already done the course before, so I just hopped on my Thought Bubble and rolled on ahead.

“Hey! Wait for me!” Raz called after me.

“Sasha said I had to attend class with you. He didn’t say we had to stick together the entire time.”

“But he also said we have to try and get along. If we’re gonna become Psychonauts together-”

“Whoa, together? Where’d you get that from? It would take a miracle for them to let either one of us in, but there’s no way they’d accept both of us. And frankly, I’d question their judgement if they picked you over me, newbie.”

It didn’t take long for him to catch up to me. It was infuriating how quickly he took to every single thing he learned. He was a natural, and I hated it.

“What makes you so sure they won’t take us both? I mean, even if it’s not at the same time, eventually-”

I bumped my Thought Bubble into his, sending him rolling backwards. I was so sick of him. Natural talent. Misguided optimism. He really thought we could be teammates. Maybe in a perfect world that wasn’t pitted against me and actively sought out people like him. Maybe in a world where the game wasn’t rigged in his favor. But no. He was gonna get everything he wanted, and I’d be left with nothing, stuck at this stupid baby camp that I was only a year away from aging out of.

He rebounded from the bump and caught up to me again as I desperately kept trying to lose him.

“I just don’t get what your problem with me is. What did I ever do?”

I kept going, trying to ignore him. Then, he surprised me once again, bouncing right in front of me and bumping me back. It was with a lot less force, but enough to stop me.

“Hey, look. I can tell you’re going through something right now. And… I am too. To tell you the truth, I’m starting to doubt I’ll get there in time. My Dad’s gonna be here tomorrow. He’ll take me back to the circus where I’ll never be allowed to use my powers again. But even if it seems hard, that doesn’t mean we can’t still try, right?”

I sighed, rolling ahead and motioning for him to follow me. We made our way to the first dance platform, where the other campers and several mental dancers were enjoying the party. I sat myself down in one of the lounge seats and pointed to the space next to me until Raz got the hint.

Neither of us spoke for a minute. We just sat there, observing the party. At one point, a mental waitress brought us drinks. I started drinking mine right away while Raz looked at me like I had just committed a crime.

“Um… are these-?”

“Nonalcoholic. Milla would never think of giving a kid the real stuff.”

Even after I told him, he still looked at the glass in his hand like it was full of poison, until he eventually decided it was fine and took a sip.

“It’s good.”

We continued to sit and take in the atmosphere of the party. I knew I had to say something, but I didn’t know where to begin, or how much to reveal. So, I started the simplest way I could.

“I ran away from home too, you know.”

Raz seemed surprised.

“But… you’ve been coming here for years. Didn’t the counselors try to contact your parents?”

I chuckled. “My folks aren’t exactly easy to get in contact with, so they’ve been begrudgingly letting me live here ever since. It’s not like they can do much about it, since no one ever sees me.”

“Why do you do that? The invisibility thing, I mean. And how are you able to hold it for that long? Milka’s invisible pretty much all the time but I still see her between recharges.”

Right. There was another kid at camp that did the whole invisibility thing. Well, she was actually invisible. I just lied about it so no one would realize the real reason they haven’t seen me in the physical world. Ironically, it’s my weakest psychic power.

“I value my privacy. And just because I agreed to talk to you doesn’t mean I have to reveal all my secrets. But it looks like things are pretty hopeless for us right now, so I don’t see much of a point picking a fight with you anymore.”

“It’s not hopeless! There’s something weird going on around camp. Have you seen Dogen lately?”

I nodded. “Yeah. But are you sure his brain is missing?”

“There’s nothing between his ears! I could see right through his head!”

Oh wow, that’s… horrifying, actually.

“I saw a vision in the Brain Tumbler of Dogen with this creepy dentist who said he was gonna take his brain out. I couldn’t get all the way up to the tower without levitation, so that’s why I’m taking this course.”

At that, I got up from my seat and got back on my Thought Bubble.

“In that case, we should get moving. No time to sit around and chat. If this is as serious as you say it is, you need that merit badge ASAP. Follow me, I’ll show you the fastest way through.”

I could see the way his eyes lit up when he realized I was finally gonna help him with training. I hated to admit it, but it did feel nice knowing that this kid looked up to me, even after I was such a jerk to him. It felt like maybe all my training meant something after all.

We made our way up to the next part of the course, where you use your Thought Bubble to roll over dangerous elements. It was really the only major hazard in Mills’s mind, and as long as you levitated like you were supposed to, no harm would come to you.

At least, nothing happened to me. Raz, it turns out, was a special case. He could easily roll over fire, electricity, even radioactive waste. But when he tried to roll over the pool of water, something strange happened. His bubble suddenly popped, and he started flailing around as if something was trying to pull him down.

I grabbed onto him right away and pulled him up so he could get back on his bubble.

“What was that? Water is like, the least lethal obstacle. Why did that one throw you off?”

He looked back at the pool warily as if he could see something in it.

“My family has this problem with water. Psychics cursed all of us to die if we go into any deep body of water. I guess not even my own powers are enough to combat that.”

Wow… With every new thing I learned about psychics, I kept falling into the same trap of thinking I knew everything.

“I didn’t know psychics could curse people.”

“I don’t think it’s common. But… just once was enough to make my Dad hate all psychics. That’s why I ran away. It’s just so frustrating… I never asked for these powers. They’re not going away, and I don’t want them to, either. They’re a part of who I am, but that doesn’t make me evil! And I’m pretty sure he’s also a psychic, so why is he being so hard on me? I just… I’m sorry for dumping all this on you.”

I’d heard this all before in my own mind. Being forced to suppress a major part of yourself in order to please everyone around you… I could understand that from more than one perspective. Against my better judgement, I felt genuinely sorry for the kid.

My parents always told me not to think of humans as being like us. They didn’t deserve our pity because they could never understand how easy they have it compared to us. There was no point in thinking of them as complex people because they would never see us that way. Instead, they were nothing but living obstacles to be avoided.

But Raz knew what it was like to be treated like an outcast, even by his own family. Maybe it wasn’t the same. Maybe he still had it better than I did. Maybe this was all a side effect of me astral projecting as a human for too long. But I didn’t see him as a threat anymore. I saw him for what he was: a lost, scared kid just trying to find himself.

I saw… me.

“Hey, Raz… it’s okay. I get it. And if you ever need to talk, I’m here, okay?”

He nodded, giving a slight smile.

“Thanks, Flint.”

We rolled on ahead to the racetrack, where we won the race, and more importantly, kicked Bobby Zilch’s ass. From there we floated up towards the end of the course, blew up a few Censors, and finally made it to the end, where we were greeted by Milla.

“So glad you could make it! Now the party can really start! Let’s get you that merit badge, darling!”

We didn’t have much time to stick around and party, so Milla let us take our leave after Raz got his badge.

When we were back in our bodies and Raz started to head back to Sasha’s lab, I was lost in thought. For once, it wasn’t in a paranoid way. I was content. Even though I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the full truth, it felt like we were still supporting each other in the physical world. Sure, he had no idea I was in his pocket, but that didn’t matter. I was there as a hidden source of moral support, and he was unknowingly carrying me and sheltering me from danger.

It was sort of like the dynamic I’d come to have with Sasha and Milla, but it was nice to have someone around who was closer to my age. This was the closest I could have to a real friend.

In short, Raz was far from the worst thing to happen at camp. No, that was yet to come…

[good-beanswrites]

Fe Aspec Week Day 4: Acceptance

This week on I Accidentally Made Myself Sad With My Own Angst :( As much as I know Forsyth would be the most accepting person in all of Valentia, I think his own insecurities/mindset would cause a bit of tension during his childhood with Python. It has a happy ending but I wanted to explore just a bit of that first...

“Python!” 

Forsyth’s tiny hands trembled, clutching the gift that he’d bought with his very own money. His father didn't need to know.

Python scrambled down the big oak tree to meet him. He tugged at the dress his father probably made him wear for the holiday. His hair had already come loose from it's braid, likely caught on the twigs and leaves of the tree. Forsyth waited anxiously at it's base for him to come down.

When he arrived, Forsyth shoved the box forward. He startled both of them with the force of it.

“I – I – I have this. For you. Will you – I mean – I would –” Forsyth’s cheeks burned red. It was clear what he was asking. There would be no other reason you’d give someone a perfectly wrapped package of sweets on the Day of Devotion unless you were asking them the question.

Python looked down at it. The two had been friends for so long, it took only a second for Forsyth to understand exactly what it meant. 

“Oh…” He felt his stomach twist up in a knot. His throat started to constrict. “I know Father doesn’t like you, but he doesn’t much like anyone. S-so we can make it work!”

“Fors…”

“We could keep it a secret!” Then, in desperation, “we could – we could run away together!”

“Fors!” Python whined. “C’mon, you know we’re too young for that!” With one hand he took the chocolates, and the other took Forsyth's arm. “We’re supposed to be climbing trees and playing pranks on Teacher – not doing gushy grown-up love stuff.”

Forsyth bit his lip. He didn’t think it was gushy at all. He didn’t trust his voice to speak; with one word he may just start bawling right here. The last thing he needed was to be scolded for being so emotional. 

Python beamed as if he hadn’t just shattered Forsyth’s heart into a million pieces. “Let’s just take it slow, okay? We’ll have plenty of time for all that when we’re older, okay?”

He coaxed a small nod from Forsyth.

“Speaking of! I heard Teach left the schoolhouse window open – have I got the perfect plan! We’ll share the chocolates after, okay? You’re my best friend, we should split them.”

I don’t want to split them. Forsyth let himself be tugged along. I wanted to give them all to you. To give everything to you.

He grit his teeth as they ran. He wasn’t the type to accept defeat after a small setback like this. So, Python wasn’t ready. That was fine. One day he would be. And Forsyth would be there. It was like every book he’d read: the steadfast knight would get the beautiful lover, if he was just patient enough.

He said a quick prayer to Mila, that one day they’d stop being friends, and true love would win out.

—

“Python!”

Forsyth’s hands trembled, his fists balled up in fury. 

“I am sick and tired of this.”

“Oh you’re tired of this? Then quit fucking confessing every single year. Every year it’s the same speech, and the same shitty plan to run away together. We’re not in some fairy tale, Fors. Just give it up.” Python moved to take a sip from his drink, turning his back. Though they’d both come of age, it wasn’t ale. Though it wasn’t ale, they both spoke as loudly as if they’d each had a barrel to drink. It was a good thing Python’s father was out all night; there was no one in the tiny house to hear them argue.

Forsyth grabbed the cup away before he could take a sip. It earned him a hard look, but a direct one. “I’m not tired of confessing, I’m tired of this type of disrespect!” He placed the drink down a foot away. “You can’t just be honest with me and tell me why I’m not good enough for you – it’s infuriating!”

“I am honest. I’ve told you, this has nothing to do with you. It’s me who–”

“Oh-ho, don’t give me that tired cliche! Every year, it’s another cryptic excuse, another roundabout lie!” He flung his hands in wild gestures, his voice pitching. “You say you’re not ready for commitment, yet you spend every day with me regardless. You say you would make a terrible housemate, yet you stay over at my home for weeks at a time. You say you’re not ready to be with someone, yet I catch word that you shared a bed with the innkeeper!”

“What, you jealous or something?”

“That is exactly what I am. And how dare you act like I’m the crazy one for it!” Tears threatened his eyes, but he pushed through. “I have been by your side your entire life, looking out for you, caring for you, giving all of myself over to you! And here you are, laughing in the face of my love! Like - like it’s another one of your jokes!

“Oh, you're jealous, huh? So is that why you do it? You do all that for me just to get laid at the end of the day? Well if you’d said that sooner, I would have happily –”

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

“Then what do you mean?”

“It doesn’t make any damned sense, Python!”

“It does, if you would just pipe down and listen when I –”

“Pipe down?” 

“Yeah! If you’d let me finish a damned sentence this will all make sense!”

“Fine then, go ahead and finish – give me one good reason why you don’t want to be with me!”

“When you’re acting like this I could give you a hundred!” Python swatted his cup away, spilling the drink all over the floor. He stormed out of the room.

A heavy silence fell over the house. Forsyth gathered his things. He left. He finally let his tears fall.

It was simple, he decided. All he needed to do was accept the fact that this relationship was going nowhere. Python didn't love him, and he'd just need to imagine whatever reasons he could. They should simply end things before they got any more hurt. 

End our friendship...

He cried through the night, unable to even muster a word to Mila. 

—

“Python!”

Forsyth’s hand was steady as it took the man’s shoulder. The pair locked eyes. 

“Run away with me.”

The wind rustled the leaves overhead. Usually the area was bustling with chaos as the new building was erected, but Python was the only one to stay back today. Forsyth would have teased him for the irony, if it hadn’t presented him with the perfect opportunity to ask his question.

Python rolled his eyes. “Har-har. I thought today was Day of Devotion, not Flostym Fools'…”

“Huh?” Forsyth’s expression flashed with confusion, then horror. “O-oh! Not like that, of course! Oh gods, I meant… the Deliverance.”

He spread his hands. “It’s clear we’ll never get the approval we seek to join. So I propose we do it in secret. Everyone will be distracted by the village festivities tonight. If we don’t come home right away, everyone will assume it’s for… the festivities. It will give us a reasonable head start. We won’t need to worry about them catching up to us by the time they finally realize we’ve gone.”

He looked eagerly to Python. 

“Heh, using all the hype around love to make our escape... you’re a true ally after all, Fors!”

Forsyth’s look soured. “L-listen. I swear, I would never ask you that again. I mean, we got over that years ago. I nearly lost you to that argument, and I shall never make the same mistake again. I know how much pain I put you through, and I would never dream of –”

“Hey. I know. You had a lot on your mind, then.” He let out a loud sigh. “Which is why I’m gonna come along with you. Somebody’s gotta help you find that special someone, right?”

“Do you mean it? Wait, what is that supposed to mean?”

With a hearty laugh, Python pulled him into a hug. Forsyth held him close. Reality may not follow a path like the perfect little fairy tales he read as a child, but that made it no less perfect.

“So… that’s a yes?”

Python leaned back so he could study his face. “You’re really serious about this, huh?”

“W-were you not?”

“Eh, I’m not serious about anything…” He offered his hand. “But I’m in. I’m always in.”

Forsyth accepted it, clasping it within both of his. He found himself too choked up for words, though he didn’t care if anyone saw him cry. He wiped tears from his cheeks and smiled at Python’s kindhearted teasing.

He thanked the gods that they would never stop being friends.

[lonelycatsblog]

here is a short story i wrote

Arthur

By lonelycatsblog

“Guys, he’s not moving!” I shouted to them as they slowed down. We had just been going for a fun walk through the woods, the four of us, when I spotted a homeless person sleeping just off of the trail. When I first saw him I was doubled over, hands on my knees, panting from running almost a kilometre with my friends. He’d just been lying there, face down, with some garbage surrounding him. I should’ve left him, but my curiosity got the better of me. When I stopped to check on him, Jackson, Jean and Rowen had kept on going without even noticing.

“Don’t joke around, you’re falling behind.” Jean is my sister and my best friend, but god, she is annoying! Just yesterday, I was mid-shower and she turned off the hot water. I’ll get her back soon. We’re both 15 right now. She’ll be 16 in a few months. We have different mothers and the same father. It’s a complicated situation.

Slowly sauntering my way, she thought I was playing some sick prank on her and our friends. I wasn’t. This man, wearing a dirtied Walmart uniform, lying face down in the detritus, wasn’t moving at all. I was no longer on the trail. I was now kneeling beside the unconscious man, with his face planted on the forest floor, my heart rate picking up, looking for his pulse. Please have a pulse. Please. Please. Please. I pleaded in my mind for him to be alive. Still nothing. Looking up, I see my sister, a slight worry on her face, standing over me. She makes her way to my side, calling Jackson and Rowen over. “You two are kidding right?! Leave the man to nap.” chuckled Rowen. He never took anything seriously.

Jackson caught the distress on our faces and came jogging over. “Why are we all standing over a Walmart employee right now?”

“I can’t feel a pulse.” My voice is high and scratchy. It’s funny to think this morning I was stressed out over my exam and now I’m here. It really puts life into perspective. “Flip him over.” Jackson has command in his voice now. He’s focused. He believes me.

“NOW!” How is he this calm?

“K, on three” Jean's voice is pitchy. One, two, three. I count in my mind as she says it out loud. My muscles strain under the weight of the body. As he lands on his back, the leaves crunch under his weight, and the smell of mouldy leaves and sweat sting my nose, my thoughts are going a hundred miles an hour. I’m freaking out. We’re all freaking out. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. How does someone forget how to breathe?

Rowen is red in the face, standing about five feet back, unable to move. The homeless man is covered in dirt and blood? Yes, that’s blood. A lot of it. The blood seems to have come from small cuts all over his face and body. A name tag on his uniform says Arthur. Unzipping Arthur’s blue Walmart vest, Jackson is taking action. His dad is a fireman and taught Jackson everything you’d need to know in a situation like this. Hands cupped together, he starts CPR on Arthur. “Check his pulse again, Alec.” My palms are sweaty, and my fingers are cold and shaky

1

as I reach towards Arthur’s neck. His bare skin against mine feels cold and soft; does normal skin feel like this? Please, please, please. No pulse. “No, pulse.” I croak. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. Why me? Why him?

Jean's hand intertwines with mine and we sit there and stare at Arthur’s motionless body while Jackson starts mouth-to-mouth. “Why isn’t he moving?” Rowen has finally come to join us beside Arthur. His face is bright red and his inhaler is in his hand. He’s shaking as he sits down next to Jean. Jean grabs his hand and we all sit in silence, waiting. Rowen and Jean dated for a few weeks last summer before Jean came out as lesbian. Things are a little awkward now between them but they still care about each other.

“Check!” Jackson is exasperated. My free hand fumbles around Arthur’s neck. “Still no pulse.”

“Fuck!” He starts aggressively pumping his chest. Arthur isn’t moving. Shaking beside me, I can feel Jean digging her nails into my hand. The pain is a good distraction, so I squeeze back just as hard. Crack! I snap back into reality to see a tear running down Jackson's face as he hopelessly wails on Arthur’s chest. The crack must’ve been one of Arthur’s ribs. I’ve heard that it’s pretty common to break ribs during CPR. Back on the main trail, I see Rowen fainting with his phone in his hand. Jean runs over to him, breaking his fall and picking up the phone. She begins talking to someone on the other end of the phone. 911? Hopefully.

Using all my strength, I pull myself to my feet and run to Jackson. I grab him from the back and pull him off Arthur. He’s full-on bawling at this point. “No, I can save him!” Jackson screams as he falls onto me still squirming. “Stop, I need to save him!” he sobs. “No, he’s dead. Let it go.” Arms swinging, he tries to escape my grip. I see his elbow swing towards my face and then darkness.

Lights flashing, sirens blaring, my eyes flutter open. I’m on the ground, my head in Jean's lap. She sits there silently, stunned. Where Arthur was before now lays a body bag surrounded by a few police and firefighters. The ambulance, the vehicle nearest to us, has Jackson sitting inside with a blanket around him and Rowen on a cot right outside. Everything is loud and bright. There’s a ringing in my ears—or maybe everyone can hear it. I can’t tell anymore.

“Hey, you're the one who found the body right?” an older man says from above. “Arthur.” Jean murmurs.

“Ya, I found him.”

“You’re going to need to come to the police station with me. We have a few questions to

ask you. If you want, she can come as well.” he gestured to Jean.

Prompt used: A group of teens find a dead body

[flowersarefreetherapy]

Hold On: Accusing, Denying

CW: Angst, fighting, arguments, someone gets punched

Star walks in with another man. They are both laughing about something, the other’s arm around Star’s waist. He’s not tall, a little shorter than Star, with bright red and green locs that fight to escape from under a knitted hat. His pants are the stupid kind with the pockets and small chains and he wears a leather jacket. A stupid choice in the stupid cold weather. 

Daniel grits his teeth, ready to speak up, but the words clump in his throat when he sees how happy Star is. His eyes are bright, the blue sparkling in the light as he shakes his head, nudging the man with his shoulder. He looks healthy and his cheekbones are no longer as prominent as he remembers. 

“We, we, we’re-” Star stops, staring at Daniel. “D-Danny?”

I came back. I’m here. I came to save you. 

“Star.”

Unlike before, his voice is hard. The last time he spoke like this, felt this anger, he was staring down Theodore. And now here he is, using it on his bonded. 

The other man steps away from Star, watching Daniel with the same level of suspicion he feels. He wants to run at him, pound him into the floor until he can’t move, until he can’t stand back up, until he can’t put his arms around Star any longer. 

“Ezra,” Star whispers, turning to the other man. He gently places a hand on his chest and Daniel feels his heart twist. He wants to be sick. “I can, can deal with th-this.”

“You sure, stjerne?” The man, Ezra, whispers. So he has a cute nickname for Star too? Daniel clenches his fists together. “I can-”

“I, I’m sure.”

Ezra hesitates, looking like he wants to argue, but nods. He gives Thad and Robin a small smile before he walks out the door. There is silence. Daniel can’t move. He doesn’t dare more. He stands there, afraid to even breathe lest he lash out at the one person he loves. 

“Daniel,” Star breathes. “You, you came back.”

“At the wrong time,” Daniel snaps. “Apparently you didn’t see anything wrong with moving on so quickly.”

Star’s mask cracks. He sees pain flash in his eyes for a second before he hides it again. “I, I, I didn’t know you were, were-”

“I would never purposefully leave you!” Daniel steps forward. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Thad move with him. You really think I would hurt my love? “I never would!”

“Don’t in, interrupt me!”

“Listen to me, Star! I was taken! I meant to come back, I never meant to leave you! I’m sorry I wasn’t about to help you, but there was nothing I could do!”

“You could have, have come b-back and, and, and-”

“Didn’t you hear me! I couldn’t! I was trapped, Star! I was trapped and I couldn’t leave! I killed people to come back and get you! And how do you repay me? By throwing me aside at the first taste of freedom!”

“I th-thought, I thought you were, were gone!” 

“Daniel, Star,” Robin says, stepping between them. “I think this is a conversation we should revisit in the morning, when-”

He is moving before he thinks. It is as if he is watching someone else move across the room, fist raised. The next thing he becomes aware of is the pain of his knuckles smashing into Robin’s face. They cry out, stumbling back as blood gushes down from a broken nose. Daniel shakes out his hand, staring at Robin in horror. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Thad shoves him out of the way, cupping the side of Robin’s face, asking them if they were alright and to tip their head forward and the whole time his voice cracks, full of fear. A hole opens in Daniel’s chest and he staggers back. Star meets his gaze over Robin’s back, face dark with anger. 

Look at you. Ruining everything again. You’re nothing but a fool. You shouldn’t be here. Idiot. 

Daniel pushes back the couple, past Star, who tries to catch his arm, and into the cold night. Freezing tears stream down his face, burning the wound reopened by his yelling, as he runs away.

Again. 

Tagging: @blood-is-compulsory @darkthingshappen @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @whumpinggrounds @pigeonwhumps (let me know if you want to be added/removed!)

[hqmillioncorn]

 Lalapril 4/6: Blessing

As Cocorn loaded up the last of their things into the cart he wondered if going back to the Twelveswood would be a good idea. Elelote had told him it would be a good thing to reconcile with his family and whatever happened, she would have his back.

It would be nice to speak to his parents again.

Lalatov had just finished packing the last sweets away in his bag when he heard a sudden knock at the door. The sudden knock caused him to knock his bag over and spill out most of the sweets he had just put away.

“I’m here! I’m just cleaning up some things!”

A quick look under the door confirmed his suspicions, there were two pairs of feet right outside. It shouldn’t have surprised him that his parents were checking up on him. Especially with what he brought up that morning.

“Lalatov, sweetie were coming in!”

“J-Just a minute!”

Lalatov pushed his bag and even everything on the floor under his bed as quickly as he could. His cover hadn’t been blown so far and he was going to do everything in his power to keep it that way.

Before he could even tell his parents to come in, the door was already open.

“Hi mother! Father! How can I help you?” Lalatov sat on the bed, his small legs dangling a little ways from the floor. Though he knew he was short that didn’t stop him from trying to hide the evidence as much as he could. “Is this about what happened at the Conjurer's guild? I promise nobody saw me fly up to rescue that chocobo chick!” Besides, everyone knew chocobos are incapable of snitching.

Centaurae and Miminelo looked at each other, confused, and wondering if the other knew what Lalatov was talking about.

“...You know what, never mind about that. What were you two going to say?”

Both decided to ignore whatever he said in favor of dealing with the first problem first.

Centaurae decided to be the first to start. “About your question this morning. We just wanted you to know that-”

“That you’re going to let me visit Ul’dah with the other conjurers?!”

Lalatov was so elated at his mother’s sudden and out of character turn of opinion that he stood up on the bed in excitement.

“Nope.”

His excitement was incredibly short lived and he dropped back down to sitting immediately.

“Your mother and I were discussing it and we are both sure you won’t be missing anything from staying here and continuing your training in Gridania.”

Lalatov knew they were skirting around the actual problem. He was sure that both of them knew they were too. 

The only reason Lalatov wanted to go to Ul’dah was to find out more about his father’s part of the family. Ever since his father had accidentally slipped up and told him he was from there Lalatov had been asking question after question to his parents about where they came from and what they did before he was born.

And every question he asked was met with the same answer.

‘You don’t need to know.’

Lalatov was getting kind of sick of it.

His parents were hiding something. He was sure of it.

“And it wouldn’t be safe for you there.” Centaurae added.

“Why wouldn’t it be safe for me?”

Lalatov looked up at her only to have her look away. It was something she rarely did but Lalatov knew by now it meant she was trying think of something to divert the conversation elsewhere.

“I just want to know! Why! Why are you two hiding things from me?!”

“We are not hiding anything from you.”

“It sure doesn’t feel that way.” Lalatov mumbled to himself. From the way both his mother and father were staring him down he was fairly sure they had heard him. “I just…Please tell me. Mother, father, what are you hiding from me?”

Miminelo stepped forward, he placed a hand on Lalatov’s shoulder. “I promise, we’re not hiding anything from you. And that is the end of this discussion.” He noticed Lalatov’s personally made safety-wand sticking out from under the bed.

“Let me get that for you.” Miminelo reached down for the wand and for a second Lalatov felt a surge of panic all over his body. It took all the strength he had not to twirl his hair as he often did when he was nervous. 

Luckily, his father quickly grabbed the wand and handed it back to him without anything out of the ordinary.

It was bold of his father to promise that they weren’t hiding anything when he had just handed Lalatov the wand his parents had drilled into his head that he always needed to keep on hand. 

Or else.

Centaurae walked over and laid her hand on Lalatov’s head, fluffing up his hair. “You’re better off here. Where you’ll be safe.” Her voice was soft and condescending.

“And where we can watch over you.” Miminelo added. 

Lalatov frowned, there was that thing again. The being safe thing. What were they even talking about?

“Right. Okay. You’re right.” Lalatov figured it was better to just agree with them. That way it was guaranteed they would leave him alone sooner than later.

There was another brief exchange between Centaurae and Miminelo. Their stares were stern and deadly serious. Each knew exactly what the other was thinking. There was no chance that Lalatov could ever be out of their sights for so long.

Not after everything they did.

“Um, if you don’t mind…?” Lalatov’s small voice cut through the tension, “It's getting late so I was wondering if I could get ready to go to bed?” Though his parents had told him he wasn’t allowed to leave with the others he was still allowed to see them off.

“Right, of course.” Miminelo hopped off the bed and walked his way towards the exit.

 Centaurae followed behind him, stopping right before exiting the room. She looked back at him, “Remember Lalatov, your mother and father both love you very much and we only want what keeps you safe and alive.” If her actions from the last fifteen years of Lalatov’s life proved anything, it was that she wasn’t lying about that.

“Then will you tell me?”

Centaurae looked confused.

“Will you tell me why I’m like this?”

Centaurae opened her mouth slightly and for a moment Lalatov hoped that he would finally learn everything he wanted to know for years. Those hopes were almost comically short-lived when his mother closed the door to his room without a word.

He would leave first thing tomorrow.

[romantic-reveries]

Today was way more emotionally taxing than I would’ve expected, considering.

I spent the day with him. And it was fantastic and lovely and everything I wanted it to be except the part where we (he) is still no closer to figuring out the future. I thought… I thought that’s what this trip was for.

He brought it up before we even kissed. I’d been feeling it all day, and I thought it was the same fear of abandonment I’d been contending with all week that had me fighting the urge tooth and nail not to call it off. But he asked how I saw this—us—working. I don’t know, so I asked him. He said him not wanting to do long distance is hard, and me not driving makes it even harder. When I mentioned my grandma would drive me—she did with my ex, or met him halfway—he said that was a big ask. And he’s not wrong, but… that’s the only way it would work. I like to hope I’ll drive at some point, and maybe that’s motivation to try harder to overcome the fear, but… I mean, even if I drove, you have to drive through Atlanta to get to him, and that’s a huge ask for someone who has spent this long terrified of driving. If he lived on this side of Atlanta, maybe.

I mostly don’t understand, though. He knew that before he came. I didn’t hide it from him. He made it sound like we needed to talk about it in person, like he wanted to see what the commute was like, see if it was the same in person as it has been on the phone, but there isn’t much to say to that—him not wanting it and it being inconvenient seems pretty unmalleable. So why did he come? What was the point? When we talked about us meeting, it was always in the context of it being the next logical step to figure things out, except nothing changed, so why did we do it? And it wasn’t even a sexual thing, because he didn’t even originally plan on coming to my house, and even when he did, we didn’t go past fully clothed heavy petting.

And it’s funny, because when my grandma (bless her) asked if he’d be back, he intentionally didn’t answer, only said, “it’s not that far” in agreement with her, but when she asked previously how the trip was, he’d said “it won’t be that bad to make”, won’t, as if him coming back was a foregone thing.

I spent half the day wanting to cry because of the haunting feeling I was already carrying that I’ll never actually see him again. That this was just one beautiful day. And I kept reminding myself—he’s here now. Soak it up, be in the moment, enjoy it for what it is, and even if this is all it is, it was still good. Important. It’s fundamentally changed me, I think. Made me realize that men like him do exist. Who are consistent and stable and patient and kind.

But the thing is, multiple times today, I thought: I could do this forever. I’ve never wanted someone like that before, even guys I thought I was crazy about. He just feels like home. He’s somehow become my best friend. I don’t know if I’m in love with him, but I think I’m falling in love with him, and I’m fucking terrified.

Because if those guys I’ve fancied myself infatuated with before, who gave me nothing—if they hurt me? He has the ability to absolutely shatter me. I can’t imagine the kind of pain that would bring. The idea of continuing this… we both want each other and we flirt and we’re sexual with each other but nothing more is going to happen? The idea of him eventually getting back on dating apps and actively trying to date other people? Makes me sick to even consider.

And the worst part is, I couldn’t even be mad at him. I can’t blame him for wanting someone he can see daily if he wants to, and really, he deserves better than me anyway. Someone more stable. Someone who has their shit together. He���s such a wonderful person. He might be one of the best, kindest people I’ve ever met. And I’m lucky to know him, to have had him at all, even in this small capacity.

And even after spending all day with me, as he was leaving, I said I hoped he had a safe trip, and he said he’d text me when he got home. Then he said, “actually, you can call. I mean, I’m gonna be on the road for two hours.” He spent all fucking day with me and he still wants to talk.

And I’m telling myself, if it’s meant to be, if I’m worth it to him, he’ll make it work. But that doesn’t stop the maelstrom of conflicted feelings inside me. After he left, all I wanted to do was wash him off. The fear I’ve had for weeks, that maybe he’s just dragging this out until he decides he wants to date again, flared magnificently to life. Turns out I couldn’t completely wash him off—he gave me my first hickey at the ripe old age of almost 29 and all I can think about any of this is: why?

[runekeepershymnal]

SO!!

Did you know that:

When you get an echocardiogram, you can sometimes hear what they’re picking up? While they’re prodding around your bare chest with a gelled up weird probe?

Well, the way my technician did it, you can, and I am now in a bit of a weird, semi-ecstatic spiral about that sound, which at some times sounded like a record scratching, but, most concerningly, at least to me, because I am a fucked up little freak who of course googled the sounds I heard and what they might mean, and, and, and…

Did you know?

Apparently it’s supposed to go lub-dub, and not, in fact, lub-lub-dub.

So I am in a state of anticipation, but not actually… fear? I don’t think? (Pardon my hypochondria about something that may well [almost certainly shall] turn out to be nothing.)

Being one of Those Patients (superscript TM), I was, of course, unwilling to ask the techician if that was a normal sound. Like, maybe it’s supposed to sound like that based on the angle of the gelled up doodad probe thingie. Maybe there’s a secret mountain behind my ribs and only the atria echo. Ventricles are like ducks, and thus, they do not. Mostly I didn’t ask because 1. I’m pretty sure that the technician is not allowed to interpret any damn thing, 2. I’m pretty sure she was trained in “oh shit, this is like… actual afib tachycardia whatevs, you’re not allowed to leave, in fact, we’re gonna pop you in an ambulance to scootch you the (I can’t gauge distances) hundred feet to the emergency room next door at the low low price of fuck you, your ancestors, and the descendants you don’t/won’t have to make sure you don’t just drop dead here and now.

(She did not do any of those things. She gave me a small towel to wipe the sonogram gel off my tits, which I guess is at least a little courteous. Certainly better treatment than I’ve received from most people who got to see my tits.)

So, of course once I get home, I last about fifteen minutes before I start googling what the sound might mean. And of course, I get afib, and murmurs, and cha cha cha, and then, I get hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a condition with which I have a great deal of associated emotional baggage.

The spiral continues, of course, into smaller, tighter, more numerous spirals of each fractal spinning out.

God, am I going to have to tell people? Family? Friends? I could barely deliver the news that I hadn’t gotten the job I thought I would, this is going to be so fucking awkward.

If I need a pacemaker, I’m going to be so very irritated that I can’t be in the same room as an in-use microwave anymore. I guess I’ll just… sous vide everything? Be that person who actually has to remember to take things out of the freezer and thaw them the long way? Except…

The whole point of this testing was because I’d admitted to my medication provider that sometimes I have heart palpitations (yes, I am an absolute moron), but I’m sure it’s fine, after all, anxiety, am I right?

So there is a good chance if the ticker insists upon ticking twice before every tock that my ADHD meds will be no more, in which case, remembering to take meat out of the freezer to thaw will be the least of my executive dysfunction problems.

(I actually love the idea of a tiny bolt of lightning having to smite be back in line whenever I start following the beat of my own drum.)

(The sound of my heart would make sick beats, by the way. Maybe I can create a Soundcloud to which I could upload the audio.)

Inside me there are two wolves: One who lives by ‘I don’t want to be a bother/I don’t need help/I’ve got this’ and one who is the Most Dramatic Bitch Ever and wants to go around wearing a pageant ribbon that says ‘Mx. I Might Drop Dead at Any Second But You Could Too Because No One is Fucking Special” and making deeply uncomfortable prolonged eye conntact with anyone and everyone who is fool enough to read it so that we both might wonder who will croak first? (There was nothing stopping me from doing this before, but apparently my priorities are fucked up.)

If the prognosis is bad, should I sell my Rεdd!t account? I’ve got enough karma to post basically anywhere…

How wonderful it would be to just stop without prelude or time to regret or pity. No wasting and no responsibility.

I might actually have some sort of proof that I have a heart! I mean, I’ve never seen it.

I’ll have to get some life insurance worked out. I’d love for my chronically ill disabled spouse to be rich, but I certainly don’t want him facing a big bill.

This whole list is going to be super embarassing if I just get told to take some fish oil and get more exercise than asking the gods to smite me by carrying all the groceries up three flights of stairs at one time.

Am I on too many medications for them to harvest my other organs? Because I would dearly love to occupy other people like some ghost of the humors, inflicting my phlegm and biles upon people who thought they were blessed and instead got some very peculiar psychometric imaginary friend.

The thought that a bad prognosis might give me the “I could die at any second which I could before but now I have a doctor’s note” card is so exciting and, honestly, delightful. (Which I definitely can’t tell my medication provider.)

I am also annoyed because this is just One More Damn Thing. Like, wasn’t the fucky brain sufficient? Not trying to tempt fate or anything but c’mon, man, it’d be cool if one vital organ could operate like a 90s model Toyota and just work exactly like it’s supposed to. Liver, pancreas, I’m looking at you two, don’t get cute. You too, skin.

So yeah, just… c’mon, man. I was finally getting some of the shit that my decades of undiagnosed ADHD may not have cause but sure as fuck exacerbated. Can we just figure it out? It’s the 21st century, how fuckin’ long does it take to take a gander at a sonogram and say “shit, that’s weird. Let me flip through my big damn book of cardiology to see if it’s ‘oh shit, fuck, shit’ weird or just ‘hrm’ weird”? Yes I’m oversimplifying advanced medicine, but again, it’s the 21st fuckin’ century.

I was never really able to ignore my heard since it is a fluttery-ass bastard that likes to make itself known (and apparently most people don’t have that, who knew?), but boy does it sound neat to not be aware of the activity of one’s organs that aren’t supposed to require conscious intervention.