#we would’ve been engaged before 96

[bluemoonscape]

jackie taylor, the woman that you are

[venus-says]

Aikatsu Stars! Episodes 93-100

Shine bright, Stars!

And we finally reach the end of this journey! The day has finally come. I didn’t just finish this series but I’m also fully pleased with the episodes on this post!

Once I made the calcs to know how many episodes I'd have to watch daily to compensate for my break I didn't expect to be so accurate in isolating perfectly the final arc of the series to be watched on a single day. Because these 8 episodes are so interconnected I won't be tackling them individually and I'll give my thoughts on this ending as a whole.

The Final Tournament, like most of the big season-closing events of aikatsu, was a mixed bag for me. This competition lasted for 4 episodes covering 2 days which means that some things were rushed, while other things were dragged, and this is a point that, as always, I don't like.

However, the plot was actually convincing and it got me involved for the most part of it. Like I've said yesterday, the closing of Venus Ark is an interesting conflict, and while they lacked on exploring that in the past episodes, they managed to integrate that here in a very efficient manner. One thing that I like is how agency they gave to Rei after so many episodes of her being solely dedicated to Elza. Yes, I'm sure some of the reasons of why she stood up and tried to keep Venus Ark active was because of her obsession with Elza, but she was able to stand as a separated entity as Elza and shine on her own so her episode was very beautiful despite she losing. I still think Rei was a wasted potential and that they could've done more with her, but I liked her ending.

Mahiru had the plot that less compelled me because it wasn't anything big or very special. Again, the fact they picked up events of a single day and divided that into two episodes maybe was the reason for it. Or maybe it was the fact that Elza definitely would win against her that made me less engaged with her story. Though I liked the ending of that episode with the reunion with the girls and then the scene at sunset with Yozora.

Elza was a tricky one. I've had a problem with her the entire season and even at this point I still couldn't grasp how her mindset works and I was extremely annoyed by this, but then episode 96 comes, and she loses, and her mother appears on stage and then suddenly I was crying? For a character I thought I didn't like? It was confusing. And it was beautiful. Seeing humanity on her again did things to me that I wasn't prepared. Elza does have a heart, she's not just a maniac. I don't... know what to think. I think I've become a fan again. LOL

Closing this part of the arc with Yume. I don't have that many thoughts on her during this part of the story. Like, I would've been more impressed if during the battle against Rei she had sung Message of a Rainbow to save MUSIC of DREAM to the big stage (kinda what they've done for Elza), it also would make more sense to them to put those scenes of her concerned about what song to choose and what coord to wear. But her interactions with the other girls were pretty damn good, and Hime's words to her saying "Be yourself. Being perfect isn't the same as being the best." really stuck to me for some reason. So I guess it was okay.

Once we've put the tournament aside, I thought it would be a similar situation to friends where they didn't know what to do with the rest of the episodes, but actually, they wrap up pretty well. We had an episode to finally conclude the story of Venus Ark, we have two episodes to set up for the future of the characters, and we have the goodbye. It was pretty well planned.

I don't have a lot to say about Venus Ark, their episode was good I just think to change the school name to Neo Venus Ark just a bit dumb. Having an episode entirely focused on Yuzutto and Lillie felt a bit awkward in this whole timeline, but it worked very well despite me not liking how the S4 Elections were dealt with in such a rushed way. The episode 99 was actually my least favorite because I think we didn't need an episode entirely focused on that, but I understand why they have done it in order to preserve a more beautiful ending for episode 100.

And the final episode was marvelous. I definitely didn't expect to like it as much and to be so touched by it. I had a lot of problems with Stars and it was very difficult for me to connect with most of the main cast, but this episode actually made me feel warm inside. The episode was beautiful, both visually/aesthetically and plot-wise. If there's one thing to complain is the epilogue with this world aikatsu cup that created a virus on the internet of people saying that this would be the event to end all aikatsu as a convergence of all series and all this conspiracy theory bullshit I've seen so much on the wikis and youtube.

In any case, this was Aikatsu Stars! Like y'all know, I have a lot of problems with Aikatsu Stars, but despite its stumbles I really enjoyed it. It's not my favorite, but I liked it. I don't like it as much as the entire world apparently does, but at least now I know why it is so popular even though it doesn't fit my tastes sometimes.

And this concludes this madness of finishing this entire franchise in a month! I've failed my goal of watching everything before on Parade came out, but I'm still happy and loving Aikatsu even more than what I already did before. I'm very excited to know finally get my sleep schedule back on track now that I don't need to stay awake till almost midnight every day to fill my quota. XD I'm also very excited to watch something different for a change. I still need to talk about On Parade's 1st episode here, but I think I'm gonna wait for the subs to come out to make that into a proper post. And I'll be getting back to the other anime as the week(s) goes by.

Now I need a glass of wine and a break! See you guys, and thank you for following me on this journey.

[amazildoessomethingstupid]

Chapter 96: Unspoken Rule

Man I thought it would be a lot longer before I did another of these, but as it turns out I fucking hate in between pages.  Y’know, those pages between the actual good and interesting shit?  Y’know the parts that are in between the fun parts, but you have to have them to actually move characters to the good parts? The parts that are boring and filler?  Yeah as an artist/writer I hate those too and it took me most of the week to come up with a page to make it not boring as sin.  Sadly this means, ANOTHER RANT!  And this time we are taking a look at Unspoken Rule. But before we do, I’d like to share with you the bit of panic that set in and what kind of pressure I had on me when trying to force an update.  For a second I thought that this rant was going to be about…

And I was very, very, scared.

Thankfully a friend notified me that I don’t know how to count, so we’re talking about this chapter instead!  Boy what a relief that was, I thought.  But it seemed a bit disappointing.  I hadn’t heard anything of this page, seems like it’ll be a short rant.  That won’t do.  So I figured, “hey if there’s not much to say.  Fuck it, we’ll do a double feature with the carnival…”

Sadly, I have something to say.

And we start with a good lighthearted joke.  Although, that expression in the first panel throws it off a bit.  The dialogue on the initial read says snark and sassy, but the face says honest concern, but then we show it is snarky.  So the face is just, confusing.  Not worth kicking up a fuss about, but definitely a headscratcher.

Anyway, on to what’s actually happening.  Which is Mike is being nervous and back and forth about wanting to talk to Lucy and apologize.  And it’s so weird to me.  This is such a serious plot point, and major conflict in the story, yet this is played for laughs. And not even good laughs, just hollow jokes it feels almost tasteless.  But not as tasteless as this:

BIG OOF  

Alright guys, see this?

I am absolved of this being uncharacteristically brash and open.  If Taeshi can do that kind of rudeness, so can I.  Lucy is just so cold now, it feels bad.  Not out of character, not unrealistic, just…bad.

But moving from that, we get into these two.   And…

Awww…th-this is actually pretty sad. And engaging.

HEY! I SEE YOU REACHING FOR MY HEARTSTRINGS! YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY!

But seriously, this a very nice scene. It’s kind of touching, and it’s a moment I wish we had more of.  

It’s…actually very nice. The characters are finally airing their grievances, and we’re getting somewhere. I…I actually like th-

OH YOU BACKSTABBING, HACK WRITING, BITCH! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! WHY ARE YOU STICKING YOUR DICK IN A GAS STATION MILKSHAKE?! BITCH,

ARE YOU FUCKING F’REAL SHAKES RIGHT NOW?!  WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU FEEL THE NEED TO ADD THAT?!  THIS JUST DESTROYS ALL IMMERSION, I ALMOST FELT SOMETHING THERE FOR A SECOND! BUT THEN YOU HAD TO DO SOMETHING SO DUMB!  THIS ISN’T EVEN ON THE CHARACTER, THIS IS A STRAIGHT UP WRITING ISSUE!  EVEN I WOULDN’T DO SOMETHING THIS DUMB!  IT’S SO OUT OF PLACE!  IT GIVES ME MENTAL WHIPLASH CAUSE I HAVE TO DO A DOUBLE TAKE TO MAKE SURE I’M NOT JUST FUCKING SEEING SHIT! AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S THE WORST PART ABOUT THIS FUCKING PANEL?!

IT’S IN THE PRINTED BOOK! Taeshi saw this, drew it, posted it, and got whatever feedback from it.  Then later came back, saw it, and edited a bunch of things for the book, and decided, “No that’s fine.  We’ll leave it there, that’s perfectly okay.”  And just left it there!  WHY?!  You had a good scene, an actual honest to god, good scene.  And you had to just make a dumb joke, and ruin the whole mood.  This is the sort of bad run and gun cheap gag sort of shtick that you’d expect to see from Volume 1!  Except, even Volume 1 knew when to take itself seriously, and maintain that serious tone!  I mean imagine if this happened in something like Zach’s talk with Lucy.

Any good graces this scene had, in setting up these two working out their problems and moving in a nice direction is thrown out the window now, and for what?!  What’s the purpose?  Why would yo-

Oh…Oh no…

Please, have mercy! You already stabbed my back, please don’t stab me in the heart! Please, not like this!

Aaaugh, no!  Not like this!  Poor Rachel!  It’s not fair I can’-

Wait….

I-is…Is that it?

Are you kidding me?

That’s it?  Two pages?  Really? That’s how you’re breaking it off?  This is how you’re going to stab me? Look, there’s like 3 more inches left in the knife, come on.  Push it deeper.  Twist it, I know you want to.  WHY ARE YOU HOLDING BACK? FUCKING WORK THIS SCENE AND MAKE ME CRY!  

NO FUCK YOU, WE’RE NOT MOVING PAST THIS!

YOU WROTE RACHEL’S BREAK UP. IN

TWO

FUCKING

PAGES!?

YOU WROTE OUT ONE OF THE MOST GROUNDED, HEALTHY, PRODUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR COMIC IN TWO PAGES LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!  WITH A HORRIBLE ONE-SIDED DIALOGUE, WHERE RACHEL IS TALKING TO PAULO WHO HAS SUDDENLY INHERITED THE EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING OF A BRICK WALL!  HOW COULD YOU DO THAT AFTER EVERYTHING YOU DID IN BUILDING THIS CHARACTER’S ENTIRE ARC AND DEVELOPMENT!?  AFTER TRANSFORMING A CHARACTER WHO WAS PORTRAYED AS UNLIKABLE, BITCHY, ANNOYING, SLUTTY, AND DUMB.

To fleshing her out, to be deep, thoughtful, caring, and supportive.  Rachel is my favorite character, and it’s not because she’s a slut it’s because she represented something in this comic that had been absent.  

Natural character development.  That wasn’t brought on by some big event shaking their entire core, and changing them. In fact, one of the best things about Rachel is that despite how differently her character’s reception is from Volume 6 compared to Volume 1, her personality, her attitude, and her core is mostly unchanged.  

She’s still slutty, she’s overweight, she’s silly.  But a big part of why I love her as a character, and why I think many others do as well, is because never does it seem to be a negative to her.  We don’t see her get upset, or self-conscious about her weight, or her sexual behavior, because she’s confident in herself and accepts herself. Not only that, but she’s shown to take charge, stand up and not be afraid to call out what she sees is wrong. And outside of her character…

She was a role model for Paulo.  Unlike Jasmine whose relationship was more Paulo bending himself to fit her lifestyle, Rachel was a character who accepted and supported Paulo’s lifestyle, but at the same time helped steer him to do the right thing.  And in a comic where almost every fucking character is so intent on dancing around their issues and waiting until it blows up in their face, Rachel served as an example of someone who had it together.  A proactive person, who didn’t want to see these characters get worse.

I have ranted and gone off on a lot of decisions and actions that these characters have done, but not once did I ever scratch my head or think twice about something that Rachel did. Her character didn’t need a bunch of insight, and excuses about hormones or “they’re teenagers, lol!” to understand her.  She simply was who she was, and I respect that.

In short…

Despite everything that my history with this comic gave me, the feelings I developed from all the bullshit that has happened in this story, despite all of that.  It was this one character, what she brought to the table, and what she did for the comic and its characters, that gave me something I thought I’d long lost, and never thought I’d ever regain.

She gave me hope in this comic.  That it would finally have its characters be proactive, regain its humor, and bring itself out of the slump it made for itself.  With this character, and the writing behind her, I believed Taeshi was finally on the right track, and was setting up something great that would grow the characters and build upon them naturally.

But that’s not what we got. And the real bitch of it is, this could’ve been a real emotional moment. A well executed front-stab.  We knew it was coming, we saw the writing on the wall, but we still needed to face the music.  It was set up to be a wonderful tragedy, where both parties are well aware of the futility of their relationship.  They understand each other, and why it won’t work, but also don’t want to let go.  And I was going to make a comparison to Two Kinds, because they had a similar scenario with Trace’s wife and the whole idea of moving on is a recurring theme… But looking back I realized something.  I don’t need to bring a comparison to Two Kinds or someone else’s comic, and no I’m not even going to draw a comparison of what I would’ve done in this situation by drawing a comparison to False Idol’s future scene (although I was thinking about that).  No, we don’t need to look too far because you know what the real sad part about this is?

We’ve had this conversation before.

And just look at it. Look how heartbreaking this is.  This is how it should’ve been.  You see that Paulo understands what she’s saying, he knows what she means and how bittersweet their relationship is.  It is one of the best moments from the newer volumes, and their inevitable breakup should’ve been a turning point.  It should’ve marked a big life-changing moment for Paulo.  Where he is sad about how he’s making Rachel feel, but he’s unsure about his own feelings. Maybe Rachel makes the decision for him and breaks it off, and Paulo realizes how hurtful his behavior is, and that he can’t play games with people anymore, that it’s not fair.  It could be the moment Paulo turns a new leaf and becomes more mature, and in seeing that; Rachel can let go taking some solace in knowing that he is a better person now.

But instead we got this…

We’re not even halfway through this god damn chapter. Well where is it taking us now?

Huh…and it seems that the writing is not going to change pace either, I wonder where this is going.

Oh boy, everyone’s getting into teams!  And oh man, Lucy’s going up against Mike!  And boy is this contrived.  And what’s even worse, is that despite how much Taeshi has shunned Volume 1 and its stupid sense of humor, and how shoddy it was.  Volume 1 wasn’t THIS contrived, and when it was, it was pretty tongue in cheek about it.  In fact!

This sounds like something Volume 1 would MAKE FUN OF.  But let’s give the benefit of the doubt maybe it’s not that bad.  It might have something going on, an-

(It’s interesting, I think I have like 3 reaction pics of Sam trying to shoot herself, but this one just can not be matched.  And it’s not even meant for the rants.)

You know what?  I’m not even gonna bother going over this part. No one will be seated during the harrowing “Will they won’t they” inconsequential dodgeball fight. Although I will say,

Not gonna lie, that actually got a laugh out of me.  Good job. Anyway, Lucy catches the ball and wins the game who cares.  But then…

First of all

Look at those arms. Damn Lucy what happened?  You’re looking like two toothpicks in a marshmallow.   But more than that.  Did I read that right?

Yeah!  It’s not like you stopped practicing Martial Arts!  Why would you?  It’s not like you had some serious physical trauma happen to stop you-

OH WAIT!

RECOVERY PERIOD? PHYSICAL THERAPY?  PFFFT WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THAT?  YEAH SURE, YOU’RE TOTALLY FINE AND CAPABLE BEING A FUCKING BLACK BELT IN TAE KWON DO.  SURE!  NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE STITCHES AM I RIGHT?

But I’m just combing cotton here, this all just fluff.  There’s really only one thing left to talk about here.

And I’ll be honest.

This.

Is…

Pretty good.

This is honestly really well done.  There’s nothing I can say about this.  It’s a very serious moment, I can feel Taeshi reaching for my heartstrings but I…I’m okay with it.  This was the moment I wanted to see.  Finally these characters air out some of their grievances.  We get insight to how they feel, we are finally getting somewhere. It’s not nice, but it’s progress an-

…

THAT’S THE TH-….

*sigh*

Fuck you too, Taeshi.

Three times.

Three fucking times in one chapter, that you set up something good.  Had a good thing going, and then decided to fuck it up at the end. That’s a new record.  Even when I expected nothing out of this chapter, you manage to let me down.  You astound me with how much you disappoint me.  If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were doing it to intentionally troll me. But I’m not that vain.  Fuck you Taeshi, I’ve said this before but always with the tone of hyperbole, and a bit of optimistic cynicism.  But this time I really mean it.  I have no more faith in you as a writer.  Whatever you come up with, however this ride ends.  I don’t think you will pull it off anymore.  I don’t think you have the competence to tie this up in a proper way.  At one point you could’ve.  At one point, I think you had it in you with the mindset, the creativity, and the emotional drive to tell a well-crafted story.  But not anymore, and I despise what you’ve become.    Let’s get this stupid chapter over with.

What’s next?  What are we doing huh?  What are we getting at?

Oh…

I see.  This is where we’re going huh? That’s what all this was for?

ALRIGHT! Y’KNOW WHAT? FINE! I GUESS THIS IS WHAT WE’RE DOING BOYS!  THIS IS THE NEW DIRECTION FOR BCB!  LOOK! SHE CALLED PAULO CUTE! OMG THE SHIP IS SAILING, DON’T YOU GET IT?  IT’S JUST SHIPPING! THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS! THAT’S HOW WE’RE DRIVING THE PLOT!

FUCK ALL THAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, THIS IS WHY RACHEL GOT DROPPED!  IT WASN’T CAUSE OF CHARACTERS NATURALLY CONCLUDING RELATIONSHIPS, IT’S ALL BECAUSE LUCY’S HERE AND WE CAN’T HAVE PAULO’S RELATIONSHIP WITH RACHEL CLASH WITH THAT!  SHE’S OUTLIVED HER USEFULNESS! NOW IT’S ALL ABOUT PAULO X LUCY, OR PAULO X DAISY WHICH IS IT?  THIS IS THE REAL DRAMA YOU ALL ARE LOOKING FOR!  THIS IS HOW WE REALLY MOVE THE PLOT AND CHARACTERS!  CHOO CHOO BOYS!  ALL ABOARD THE SHIP!  LET’S JUST GO ALONG FOR THE RIDE WHERE WE GOING TAESHI?  I’M READY!  I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO FUCKING LOOK FORWARD TO OR LIVE FOR!  SO COME ON, WHERE ARE YOU SAILING US?

I give it a 2/10.  Until next time, guys. 

[askauradonprep]

About That Super Long Playlist

Long information post behind the cut! It’s pretty much the songs in the stages of the crew’s relationship.

First Round of Recruiting

1 What About Us 2 At the End of the Day 3 How Far I’ll Go 4 Brave 5 Anthem of a Runaway 6 Come Back (Ella Eyre) 7 She Got the Best of Me 8 Glad You Came 9 You Walked In 10 You’re Beautiful 11 You Don’t Know Me 12 Enchanted 13 Felt Good On My Lips 14 Girl Crush 15 Crashed 16 Do It For Her 17 Who Are You When I’m Not Looking 18 Wildest Dreams 19 Started With a Song

Rise to Power

20 You and Me 21 Bad Reputation 22 Playing With the Big Boys 23 I Bring the Darkness (End of Days) 24 Warrior 25 Let It Go

Descendants 2

26 What’s My Name 27 Here Comes the Thunder 28 One Way or Another 29 Greatest Show on Earth 30 The Edge of Glory 31 One Day More 32 Dyin’ Ain’t So Bad 33 You’re Going Down 34 Hit Me With Your Best Shot 35 Look Down 36 King of Anything 37 Rich 38 Fly 39 It’s Goin’ Down

Uma Leaving

40 Evermore 41 If Only 42 The Winner Takes It All 43 It’s Over Isn’t It

Rough Mental Health Period

44 Supergirl 45 Ring of Fire 46 Monster 47 Little Toy Guns 48 Mayday 49 Cry 50 Bad Day 51 Because of You 52 Burning House 53 Stilettos 54 Out of the Woods 55 Ask Me How I Know 56 Tomorrow 57 Landslide 58 Better Man 59 Done You Wrong 60 Stupid Boy 61 Chasing Pavements

Uma’s Return

62 Girl on Fire 63 Keep Holding On 64 Umbrella 65 Make You Feel My Love 66 If You’re Going Through Hell (Before the Devil Even Knows You’re There) 67 I’ll Stand By You 68 Safe & Sound 69 Dancing On My Own 70 Wanted 71 Innocent 72 Invisible 73 It’s Okay To Cry 74 Break On Me 75 Let It Out 76 Here Comes A Thought 77 She Will Be Loved 78 Everytime

Recovery

79 The Good Stuff 80 My Life Would Suck Without You 81 Just Give Me A Reason 82 For The Long Run 83 Shake It Out 84 I Ain’t Giving Up On You 85 True Colors 86 Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain) 87 Warrior 88 Here’s To Us 89 Little Girl 90 Mine 91 Fly 92 War Paint  93 I Won’t Let Go 94 Clean

Comeback

95 Royals 96 So What 97 Still Not Giving Up 98 Back in Black 99 Bad Blood 100 Angel With a Shotgun 101 Payback 102 Another One Bites the Dust

Second Recruiting Period

103 We’re Going to Be Friends 104 Worth a Shot 105 Enchanted (Owl City)* 106 Break Up In The End 107 I Would’ve Loved You Anyway 108 Replace Your Heart* 109 Come Back Song 110 Let’s Be Us Again 111 All Together Now 112 Jessie’s Girl 113 I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You 114 Both Of You 115 Bury the Hatchet 116 Team 117 Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now 118 I Will Follow You Into the Dark 119 I've Got Your Back* 120 Ain’t No Stopping Us Now

Hooking Up

121 Play It Again 122 Love Will Do That 123 Ready to Run 124 I Don’t Dance 125 Hold My Beer 126 As She’s Walking Away 127 Make You Mine 128 See About A Girl 129 Merry Go ‘Round 130 Johnny & June 131 Somebody to Love 132 She Won’t Be Lonely Long 133 Friday Night

Getting Together Officially

134 History in the Making 135 How to Love 136 Complicated 137 Heart Attack 138 Give Your Heart a Break 139 Strong Enough 140 Good to You 141 What Ifs 142 Yours If You Want It 143 Waterloo 144 Bring It On 145 Best Shot 146 Begin Again

Early Relationship

147 Love Me Like You Mean It 148 Cool With That 149 Just a Kiss 150 (Kissed You) Good Night 151 Feels Like That 152 My Girl 153 You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away 154 Dress 155 We Danced 156 Secret Love Song 157 The Fighter 158 I Like The Sound of That

Getting in Trouble on the Isle

159 Super Villain 160 Good Girls Go Bad 161 Came Here to Forget 162 Home Alone Tonight 163 Good Together 164 I’ll Be The Singer, You Be The Song 165 Bounty 166 Run 167 Bad Boys 168 Bad Girls

Partying

169 Fix A Drink 170 We’re All Right 171 What Was I Thinkin’? 172 Bonnie and Clyde 173 She’s My Kind of Crazy 174 Toxic 175 It Ain’t My Fault 176 Wild Things 177 Downtown Kids 178 Let’s Get Rowdy 179 Fastest Girl in Town 180 Somethin’ Bad 181 Me Against the Music 182 Somethin’ We Shouldn’t Do 183 Exstacy 184 Criminal 185 Like You Do 186 We Are Young 187 Setting the World On Fire 188 Die Young 189 Anthem 190 Kiss Me Quiet 191 Up All Night 192 Hurricane 193 Perfect Storm

Getting Closer

194 Quiet 195 Easy Silence 196 Soak Up The Sun 197 I Like Me Better 198 I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) 199 If I Ain’t Got You 200 You Are In Love 201 Clarity 202 Count Me In 203 Good Time 204 Halo 205 Just The Way You Are 206 Ours

Descendants 3

207 Not Ready to Make Nice 208 My Lullaby 209 Stronger (Under the Sea)

Getting Invited to Auradon

210 Long Live 211 Hall Of Fame 212 Peter Pan 213 That’s When You Know It’s Over 214 Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) 215 Just Like You 216 Wasting All These Tears 217 Since U Been Gone 218 I Wonder 219 Praying 220 If I Die Young 221 A Little Bit Stronger 222 Survivor 223 Be Wherever You Are 224 Anywhere With You 225 We Are the Champions 226 Let It Go (Demi Lovato) 227 Fight Song 228 Eyes Open 229 Change

Dating In Auradon 

230 Kiss The Girl 231 Somewhere Only We Know 232 Always the Love Songs 233 They Don’t Know About Us 234 Blank Space 235 Womanizer

Going Public

236 She’s With Me 237 A Guy With A Girl 238 A Place In This World 239 Unforgettable 240 Fearless 241 Skydiving 242 Sparks Fly 243 Dirt Roads Scholar 244 Sunshine On the Line 245 Jumped Right In 246 This Is How We Roll 247 Cruise 248 Wastin’ Gas 249 Fast Cars and Freedom 250 Old Alabama 251 Shotgun Rider 252 400 Lux 253 Parking Lot Party 254 Beat Of the Music 255 L.A. Boyz

Auradon Partying

256 Here For The Party 257 Up All Night 258 Raise Your Glass 259 Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) 260 Middle of a Memory 261 Cop Car 262 Crash My Party

Getting to the First ‘I Love You’

263 I’m Only Me When I’m With You 264 Can’t Say No 265 I See The Light 266 I Think I Love You 267 The Only Exception 268 A Thousand Years 269 Criminal 270 You Love Who You Love 271 Girlfriend 272 Hooked 273 I Hope You’re the End of My Story

Being Split Up By Auradon Prep

274 Stay Beautiful 275 One Number Away 276 Thinking ‘Bout You 277 I Hope You Dance 278 Sleepin’ Around 279 Think of You 280 More Than A Memory 281 Picture 282 Hung Up 283 Need You Now 284 I’m Comin’ Over 285 Just To Get To You 286 Hell Bent For Buffalo 287 Warm Safe Place

Feeling Hopeless

288 Like A Cowboy 289 Remind Me 290 Long Live The Night 291 Don’t You Wanna Stay 292 Runnin’ Outta Moonlight 293 Secret Love 294 Carrying Your Love With Me 295 Wherever Love Goes 296 I Could Use A Love Song 297 Colder Weather 298 Red 299 True Love 300 Highway Don’t Care 301 Say You Do

Fixing Things and Reuniting

302 Man in the Mirror 303 Die of a Broken Heart 304 Let’s Not Let It 305 I Won’t Give Up 306 Hey There Delilah 307 Mamma Mia 308 Where We Left Off 309 Stuck Like Glue 310 Style

Post-Reunification Relationship At Auradon Prep

311 Young Forever 312 Somewhere On A Beach 313 Cheap Seats 314 Firecracker 315 Somethin’ Stupid 316 My Best Friend 317 Lucky 318 You Won’t Ever Be Lonely 319 Do It With You 320 I Wanna Dance With Somebody 321 Somebody Like You 322 My Baby Loves Me 323 The Way You Love Me 324 Love Me Like That 325 Love Like You 326 H.O.L.Y.

Post-Graduation Adult Relationship

327 Next Stop, Anywhere* 328 I Hate Love Songs 329 One In A Million 330 Now That I Found You 331 Because You Love Me 332 For You 333 Good Kinda Love 334 Loving You Easy 335 We Found Love 336 We Weren’t Crazy 337 Because You Loved Me 338 Mean To Me 339 The World 340 Alright 341 Doin’ What She Likes 342 Somebody Wrote Love 343 Love Me Like There’s No Tomorrow 344 Yours 345 Hard To Love 346 That Kind of Beautiful 347 Jealous of the Sun 348 Never Comin’ Down 349 This Love 350 I Run To You 351 God Gave Me You 352 All About Her

Proposal and Engagement

353 That’s When You Know 354 Baby, I Love You 355 She’s In Love With the Boy 356 Amazed 357 The Rest of Our Lives 358 Lost In This Moment 359 It’s Your Love 360 Livin’ Our Love Song

Wedding and Honeymoon

361 For Just One Day Let’s Only Think About (Love) 362 Marry Me 363 Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not? 364 A Thousand Years Part 2 365 I Do 366 It’s A Beautiful Thing 367 I Got the Boy 368 Hold It Against Me 369 Black 370 I’ll Name The Dogs

Married, Childless Life

371 Your Man 372 No Such Thing As A Broken Heart 373 Come A Little Closer 374 Sky Stays This Blue 375 Dear Life

Kids Being Born

376 It Takes A Man 377 Life Changes 378 You’re Having My Baby 379 Isn’t She Lovely 380 You’re Gonna Be 381 Chasin’ Girls 382 Laughed Until We Cried 383 Who Wouldn’t Wanna Be Me 384 Hey Pretty Girl 385 Who Would You Be

Post-Kids Life

386 Superman 387 I’m Already There 388 Home 389 Woman, Amen 390 Good Morning Beautiful 391 A Woman Like You 392 All of Me 393 She’s Good For Me 394 Forever Love 395 I Walk The Line 396 Forever and Ever, Amen 397 You Make It Easy 398 My Wish 399 In Case You Didn’t Know 400 You’re Still The One 401 Just To See You Smile 402 I’ll Still Love You More 403 If You Ever Stop Loving Me 404 I’ll Always Love You 405 Die A Happy Man 406 Love Like Crazy 407 Remember When

Older Adults, Post Kids Growing Up

408 Moments 409 I Go Back 410 Then 411 I’d Love You All Over Again 412 Still Into You 413 In Color 414 Bless the Broken Road 415 Greatest Love Story

Legacy

416 For Good 417 I Was Here 418 Don’t Blink 419 Forever Rebels 420 Legends

* = Not on Spotify

[brothermouzongaming]

Games I’m excited about for 2018

Spider-man (PS4 exclusive): This list is in no way ranked. That being said this is my most anticipated game of 2018. I have been waiting for a Spider-man game to grab me since Spider-man 2. When I was at E3 the gameplay looked really promising and showed that the developers knew what made the good games good. From what I can see they even were able to pull some of the things that made the bad games good a la “Web of Shadows”. I’m not going to say much else for fear of this whole post turning into a Spider-man rant. Don’t let me down Insomniac. Do not.

Dragon Ball FighterZ: This game looks SHIT HOT and I’m excited to have a fighter I really want to get into from this generation. Smooth seamless combat at breakneck speeds and so much source material it was probably daunting. DBZ is special to me and many people like me, the guys at Arc Systems have their work cut out for them and I’m excited. My fighting games thus far have been Soul Calibur 3, MvC 2, and the little I dabbled in Injustice 2 ....yeah as you can see fighting games aren’t my thing. This, however, this is gonna be something I commit to. Come January 28th these hands will be on sale, come and get it

Days Gone (PS4 exclusive): 28 Days Later-esque pandemic centered in a rich yet frightening wilderness with survival mechanics? Single Player based?Yes please and thank you I will be having all of it. The gameplay looks great and just as importantly, the story seems engaging. Yes, it’s the same Last of Us scenario we’ve encountered time and time again in both games and movies. This time I think that may have been taken into account. There’s a somber yet rooted tone that though again has been done before, really seems to hold up even in the brief cutscenes available online. Am I worried that the developers have really only accomplished the Syphon Filter series (dating myself here which is a scary thought), two PS Vita Uncharted games, one unremarkable Resistance game, and Bubsy 3D in ‘96.... NOPE fuck it cause it’s almost promised to be free of micro-transactions and actually be an enjoyable and enthralling experience.

Monster Hunter World: The beta was fun, combat felt a little empty at times but once it gets going there is no stopping this game. Something about hunting a Slug Fish creature in a swamp, turning a corner only to see some unholy being vaguely reminiscent of a T Rex fused with an Armadillo. At that point I realized that we may be the monster hunters but holy shitfuck we better come correct. Really really really deep equipment and tools settings. Your main weapon is just the beginning with perks, buffs both passive and active, as well as a few other key tools also being at your disposal. I got a buddy to join me and the two of us dragged each other through that ordeal but it was hard because it was new, I was still having a good time. I’m excited to see what Capcom brings to their first console rendition in 11 years for a franchise that is as highly acclaimed as this one. 

Far Cry 5: This is a series that has always done an amazing job at the whole “Hunter v Hunted” aesthetic. I always feel so powerful and dangerous when I play Far Cry and 3 was a huge step in the right direction. 4 had a lot of things that I enjoyed, the gunplay, vehicles, and characters were really good. It did, however, fall a little short story-wise as well as some worn game mechanics with this being the fourth in the series. I did not get to play FC5 at E3 because that line was absurd. That being said, from the gameplay available on Youtube and various interviews it does seem that Ubisoft is aware of the potential stale twinge Far Cry has developed over the years. I’m looking forward to cutting down zealot cultists in the open Montana landscapes. March 27.

Anthem: This game is important, after the fuck-shit-stack that was Battlefront 2 and the cacophony of backlash that came with it; EA have to get this right. This loot box based online shooter, the “Destiny-killer” it’s being called. How does one kill what is already dead? Fuck if I know but I am interested IF they can do it right. That being said, my hopes aren’t high, but this game will be a barometer. This will show whether EA is willing to bend at all on their plans for monetization. They know a BF2 scenario is totally on the table now, and if they misstep, there will be more backlash. Either way, we win, either we get a good game or EA get put on another stake to burn.

Vampyr: From the developer that brought us Life is Strange and Remember Me comes a new game set in London 1918 during the Spanish Flu pandemic. We will play a vampire (sigh prime journalism over here folks) in town with a set number of NPCs and each death will have consequences for both you and the city. Semi-open world with an RPG and combat focus, I’m so down and I really hope this game can do new things. Q2 (Jan., Feb., Mar.) 2018

Soul Calibur 6: My fighting game is back and this is going to be a weird year for me with not one but two fighting games that will find my focus this year. Mitsurugi, Sophitia, and around 20+ are back to beat the everloving snot out of each other. I’m excited because this is supposedly a “reboot” of the franchise which means a lot of the original characters will be back (Nightmare, Maxi, Ivy, Taki, Kilik, etc). Things like armor breaking are both interesting and worrisome. I suspect Taki, Ivy, and the other unreasonably busty women of the series will be left awfully vulnerable sans armor by the mid/end of a battle. Regardless, this revamp maybe what the fighting franchise needs to enter the ring against the big boys of this generation. 

Death Stranding: DEATH MOTHER FUCKING STRANDVXIRJORWTMDNGHF  Let me tell you something, Kojima is going to save us all. I’m serious he is going to take all our hands and walk us into the sunlight of gaming where there are no microtransactions, the singleplayer is an epic odyssey, the multiplayer is fun but unnecessary, and the gaming experience is not only unique but has a lasting impression on every gamer brave enough to hold a controller. This game is going to test us, change us, and maybe most importantly: make people rethink the way games are made/designed. The third person sci-fi nightmare adventure will be here before we know it and great Scott am I ready to dive in. 

Red Dead Redemption 2: Had you asked me about RDD2 and it’s hypothetical production about 3 years ago; I would’ve said something along the lines of  “Fuck yes yippie kai yay mfs where mah horse at”. After Take-Two (parent company of 2k and Rockstar) came out and essentially supported EA’s usage of loot boxes. The CEO stated that “Recurrent consumer spending was the way of the future,” which is concerning to say the very least. I’m worried my West World sim is gonna turn into well...something more like West World. “Oh what’s that want a new hat? 5 bucks. New horse? 10 doll hairs plz. New gun? 15 smackers and the skin off your respective genitalia. Thank you come again.” My once resounding and honestly strange response is definitely more tepid and cautious. GTAV is lending itself quite nicely to the ways of the microtransaction and I can just see little buckets of gold nuggets or some dumb shit like that hinging in front of me or at the local shop. If so may there be backlash, and lots of it. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Greedfall: Developed by Spiders, a team with an... interesting track record in gaming (Sherlock Holmes v Jack the Ripper, Bound by Flame, and Technomancer [yikes]). On paper, this game sounds like it might be worth a damn and this is the most publicity any of their games have gotten so that does peak my interest. That and the publisher is Focus Home Interactive, makers of games like Divinity 2 and The Surge as well as my highly anticipated Call of Cthulhu and Vampyr. Who knows, this team up might just work. An open world RPG with online mechanics sounds fun.

God of War: I have never played a God of War game all the way through. With this being my first PlayStation that does make sense. That being said, I’m very excited to sit down and try my hand at this rebooted series. Given the reputation and clear influence a game like GoW has had, it does lead my expectations up rather than down. Santa Monica is developing, Ready at Dawn for some reason isn’t but it’s good to see the original team getting another crack at the Spartan. This time Greco-Roman gods are put aside for a more Nordic feel. The chain blades replaced with a hefty ax as well as a few other tools from what I’ve read/heard. Another interesting single player experience for those turned off by multiplayer and microtransactions. Not to say it won't have them just look at Shadow of War. It does, however, make it considerably less likely.

BioMutant: Traverse an open and changing world as an also everchanging bio-genetic mutant. Supposedly going to have big rpg mechanics involving the fact that your character’s schtick is evolving and changing. Brought to you by THQ Nordic the people that brought us the highs of the Darksiders series, Painkiller: Hell and Damnation, and Red Faction (2001). As well as some lows like the recently imploded Elex, Alan Wake, and the classic Spynx and the Cursed Mummy. I really don’t know what to make of this resume let alone what to expect. I am however excited for something new in the third person adventure genre. 

[thetraveljedi]

TRIP REPORT: Budapest, Hungary

After a lovely day in Vienna, we continued down the Danube to our final stop of the cruise- Budapest, Hungary. As we cruised down the river through the night, we were treated to lovely views of Bratislava and the countryside of beautiful Slovakia. We arrived just as the sun rose over the hills of Buda, and had a prime docking location on the Pest side, right near the Chain Bridge.

Some background before I begin- Budapest wasn’t called Budapest originally. It started off as three separate cities- Buda and Obuda on the western side of the Danube, quieter and full of hills, and bustling Pest, an important Hungarian commercial center, on the east side of the river. Eventually the three combined in 1874 to become Budapest- though the government did consider calling the city Pestbuda before settling on the opposite. As a result, the city is sprawling and the sites of Budapest are quite scattered throughout. So due to my limited time in the city, I decided to book a private tour with a car so I could get to see as much as possible.

We started off with a short drive over one of the several crossings over the Danube, the famous Chain Bridge. The bridges over the Danube in Budapest were destroyed in World War II; only the towers of the Chain Bridge survived the destruction. Fortunately, the bridge was rebuilt and maintains much of historic glory thanks to the gorgeously restored towers.

Once on the Buda side from the Chain Bridge, we passed through the Buda Castle tunnel, seeing the remains of Buda Castle, once the home to the royals of Hungary. The castle was heavily damaged during World World II, and is now home to the Hungarian National Gallery and History museum. Once through the tunnel, we continued up one of Buda’s most notorious hills, Gellért Hill.

Gellért Hill is home to some of the more controversial pieces of Hungarian history. A huge stone Citadel looms around the hill, built by the Hapsburgs after the Hungarian Revolution in 1848. Hated by Hungarians due to its symbolism of the Hapsburgs long reign over Hungary, pieces of it were symbolically destroyed after it was handed over to the local government at the end of the 19th century. Standing on the very top of the hill is the Liberty Statue, erected after World War II during Soviet occupation to commemorate their victory in World War II and the end of the Nazi occupation of Hungary. It is one of only two Communist era statues that remain in the city of the hundreds that once stood on Budapest’s streets; most of them were removed and now form Memento Park, an open-air museum on the Pest side, including most of the several Soviet soldiers that used to surround the Statue of Liberty atop Gellért Hill. The Statue of Liberty is an impossible site to miss in the skyline of Buda, a reminder that despite a turbulent history of occupation, an independent Hungary has emerged from the rubble.

After that somber look into Hungary’s more recent history, we moved into the historic core of Budapest, called the Castle District. Home to several of Budapest’s most well known historic sites, such as Matthias Church and the Fisherman’s Bastion, walking through the Castle District truly feels like you’re stepping back into time. For lunch, I had to try one of my favorite dishes in its native land- goulash- and sampled some Hungarian wine. My guide told me winemaking in Hungary has just begun making a huge comeback in the wine industry, and since red wine is my favorite he suggested I try Egri Bikavér, aka “Bulls’ Blood,” a famous full-bodied red unique to Hungary. It was really delicious, so much so I made it a point to find some to bring back to the ship with me.

Following lunch, we hopped back over the Danube to Pest, starting with one of the most famous architectural sites of Hungary, the stunning neo-Gothic Hungarian Parliament Building. It’s so expansive you’ll feel tiny standing next to the sprawling building. Next to the Parliament is Kossuth Tér (Square), home to important government buildings and also the site of the Kossuth Tér Massacre, where in 1956 hundreds of demonstrators protesting the Soviet occupation of Hungary were gunned down by Soviet troops. There are still a lot of missing details about the incident, including how many people died; estimates generally believe the number to between 300-800, but some recent research indicates that number could be in the thousands. Many of them were kids and college students. An underground museum detailing the event lays under the memorial honoring the victims, and asks anyone with any additional information about massacre to report it officials to complete the missing pieces in this dark chapter of Hungarian history. Even more haunting are the bullet holes still visible in the government buildings that surround the square.

Next we drove through the bustling streets of Pest, down the major avenue Andrássy Út, which is *the* big shopping hub of Pest and is lined with gorgeous historic buildings, including the Hungarian National Opera House. At the end of the road is Heroes’ Square, a statue complex devoted to celebrating some major figures in Hungarian history, such as Stephen I, the first King of Hungary.

Heroes’ Square also marks the beginning of City Park, Budapest’s crown jewel of a park, which is home to several important sites, such as the Museum of Fine Arts, Palace of Art, and the Budapest Zoo. The Park and many of its buildings were constructed as part of a huge millennium celebration held in 1896 to commemorate 1000 years since the establishment of the Principality of Hungary, when the Magyars, the ancestors of Hungarians, first settled into their current spot in the Carpathian Basin. You’ll hear and see the number 96 all around Hungary because of its key spot in Hungarian history- the Parliament Building, for example, is 96 meters tall in commemoration. Just don’t remind Hungarians that the committee organized to determine the year of Hungarian settlement actually found that the Magyars arrived in 895, not 896; the committee was asked to add a year onto their findings because the city leaders knew all the construction necessary for the grand festivities wouldn’t be ready in time for 1895.

Another staple of City Park is the Széchenyi Baths. Hungary lays on top of a vast network of thermal hot springs, so much so that when the Romans first settled in Hungary they named the settlement Aquincum- “abundant waters.” You’ll find tons of thermal baths in Budapest, but the Széchenyi is one of the largest and most historic. It was packed with people enjoying the benefits of the warm mineral water. If I had more time, I definitely would’ve hopped in!

But I still had a few more sites left in Budapest I needed to make my way to. Next up, we headed over to the Jewish Quarter and the Dohány Street Synagogue. Before World War II, 5% of Hungary’s population and 25% of Budapest’s pre-war population was Jewish. But as anti-Semitism in Europe grew in the early 20th century, the Hungarian government began to enforce “Jewish laws,” and Budapest’s Jews were forced to live in a miniscule section of the city surrounding the synagogue. Hungary would go on to join the Axis, which gave Hungary some more freedom as to how to interpret Hitler’s “Final Solution” to exterminate Jews. Hungary opted to deport, inter, or send Jews to Hungarian military labor camps rather than engage in the genocide. This wasn’t enough for Hitler, though, and in 1944 he sent the Arrow Cross regime to Hungary to ensure his orders were carried out. The Jewish Quarter was turned into an even smaller walled ghetto, where Jews were forbidden to make any contact outside the walls. 600,000 Hungarian Jews died in the Holocaust. Today, only .5% of Hungarians are Jewish.

After World War II, the Synagogue and the surrounding neighborhood were left to decay, leaving the iconic synagogue and Jewish Quarter buildings in disarray. But as Communism finally left Hungary, renewed interest in restoring the temple helped bring the building back to its former glory, much thanks to the financial support of a famous Hungarian-American Jew, renowned cosmetics entrepreneur Esteé Lauder. Built in 1859, Dohány Synangouge is the largest synagogue in Europe and the second largest in the world, and is one of the most beautifully unique houses of worship I’ve ever had the privilege of laying eyes on during my travels.

My final stop in Budapest was the Great Market Hall, an absolutely enormous 3-floor market that has everything Hungarian you can imagine. The basement boasts the fish and pickle market, the ground floor has all produce, meat, wine, and other snacks, and on the top floor you’ll find tons of souvenir shops and a restaurant. It was built in 1897 and heavily damaged in World War II as its located right near Chain Bridge. It sat neglected during the Communist occupation, but was fully restored and reopened only in 1997. I got to sample some delicious cheeses and Hungarian wine, and learned all about the different kinds of Hungarian paprika there are- be careful for the spicy varieties if you do the same!

I still can’t believe I managed to squeeze all of those Budapest sites into a small period of time, but I definitely felt like there was still so much more left of the city to see. I returned to the Viking Vili having fallen in love with Budapest and eager to return so that I can experience more of the city. Of all the cities I visited on this trip, Budapest had one of the most unique histories and friendliest people I encountered.

And now we’ve reached the end of my Trip Report! It’s been so much fun reflecting and sharing this trip with all of you. I leave for my next trip in less than week, heading across the pond to London for a week and going to a longtime favorite footie/soccer team of mine, Arsenal. I can’t wait to share this trip with all of you too! But in the meantime, I’ll be switching up some of the articles to include more travel tips, destination guides, and special interest travel- foodie, sports, and history travelers should get excited for those!

[browanger55-blog]

My London Semester Journal I: Sunday, January 14, 1996

Sunday, 1-14-96 12:53 AM London 6:53 PM E-Town/Chambana (1-13-96)

2 Weeks! I have been here for that long… or short… Okay, I had a bit too much (Merlot) red wine just now… I thought it would help me wind down before bed… Mission accomplished, maybe even a bit more than I had in mind!

Today was another long day! I guess every day here is that way. Lori & I slept until about 11:35 AM when Molly (our GR = Graduate Resident) came a knocking on our door! She brought two FREE tickets to a play! Still more study abroaders haven’t made it here due to the east coast blizzards & the U.S. government budget crisis preventing passports being issued… Once again… Their loss is our gain. That is 3 free theatre visits in 14 days now!

So Lori & my planned activities — to study & relax for the day became a shopping trip to Piccadilly & Oxford Circuses followed by a 3 hr. long, but wonderful, rendition of Oscar Wilde’s “An Ideal Husband!” What an ironic play title considering the events of the past few days…

I bought a great pair of funky black shoes at “Sacha’s of London!” They have a chunky heel, but aren’t the average penny loafer look… They are kinda my own little style twist! They will ultimately be a b-day gift from Judy! ☺︎

Lori & I also both got scarves for £6 each from a street vendor! We feel so cool now w/ our scarves sporting the Brit look! ☺︎

Okay, after the played we shopped s’more & Lori bought a white fake fur coat! Yow! We walked into this one store & got separated, an hour later the store was closing & when I found her, I almost didn’t recognize her in the fur coat! ☺︎

Dinner was a great bonding experience… I am really starting to care for & feel a connection to many of my housemates! ☺︎ Especially Lori, Adam, Paul, Melissa, Erin, Erica & Nick. We all decided after our usual long meal to go to a pub for a bit. I chose not to drink then, due to menstrual pain & sleep deprivation — and lack of funds — I decided I’d rather just chill there w/ my buddies. We went to “Churchill Arms” pub! It had a great atmosphere & I sat in a corner by a little fire place & chatted w/ Melissa most of the time! Then 1/2 our house rendezvoused back here at Pembridge in the TV room for our own little laid back party!

Oh, Lori called Andrew earlier today & he was not there. Then I called Nathan from a BT phone booth at Piccadilly Circus & he seemed really happy to hear from us, me, whatever. Then Lori called Andrew later & made plans for us w/ them for tomorrow! 4 PM at the “Chalk Farm” tube stop…

Later ☺︎

Sunday, 1-14-96 11:20 PM London 5:20 PM E-Town

I don’t feel like writing in here. I have had enough analyzing & am confused as to what is what… I know why I am here, but I don’t know where I am going or what that means… and in the words of Stuart Smiley & someone who really needs sleep, “that’s okay!”

— ☺︎

The next part isn’t dated, but I think I might’ve written it later that night (Sunday, 1-14-96), even after I said I didn’t feel like writing or maybe the next day, though in my next dated entry (on Tuesday, 1-16-96) I say, “Didn’t get to writing in here yesterday…” And that would’ve been Monday, 1-15-96. Anyway, here’s what I shared:

There is no specific way my life “should” go or be…

GOALS:

MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS – What I do with my life I choose not to come from constant polls of those around me as to what I “should” do – There is nothing wrong with asking for advice, but I choose not to depend on other to decide for me

By making my own choices I want to also ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY – When things turn out well, great! – When they don’t, I can learn from them as opposed to trying to blame someone or something

Care about others (roommates, friends, etc.), be there for them, but not necessarily above my own well being… – Be easy on my expectations – When meeting Princes (such as Nathan…), even the charmers, remember my life is not a fairy tale — there are morals to my story and ultimately I trust God to guide me to a “happy ending” but what happens until then… Que Sera, Sera!

I have almost an obsession w/ certain types of form & organization! This isn’t always necessary to enjoy life. It keeps me from ultimately “relaxing” which I feel I need to do!

As Melissa told me through relating a Robert Fulgham story… “Where do the mermaids stand? Beside the…” When playing games or at life for that matter… You don’t have to be only what options have always seemed the only ones, it’s alright to want & even insist on being a “mermaid” & ultimately others, at least those who need to, will understand and accept.

But, once certain realizations are made, they are important… They mean something, but THEY DO NOT HAVE TO MEAN EVERYTHING!

Those around me are more like me then I usually realize, what a comfort when I am reminded of that! ~ Like me in the sense that I am not alone in my feelings, they have similar ones too!

– Nick, Erin, & Melissa all feel naive here

– Ruth says we all dream of prince charming

– Erica now recognizes how attached she was to home

★ As for learning:

– Erica commented on thinking we can just jump into Brits lives for a short time & play with them for awhile being somewhat unrealistic…

– Adam believes he will never “grow up”

– Lori follows “no one!” or so she tries

★ I would like to read s’more Oscar Wilde, not that I know of any that I have read to date…

Always living, learning, loving, losing…

All ears, some tears…

I will grow more again & again…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from Present Day Kathy: We/I sure packed a lot in to that first two weeks of our/my time in the UK! I love getting to recall that we saw so many plays early on, as to this day going to see live theater is something I enjoy and prioritize. Our family has tickets to the Broadway Series at the Paramount Theatre in Aurora, IL, which does 4 awesome productions a year. Bob and I also have a subscription to Steppenwolf Theatre in Chicago, with another couple, and get to see 5-7 plays there annually.

I still have the shoes that I bought that day, as I’ve never been able to part with them. The picture of them above is recent, not from 1996. They do look super cool, but are not comfortable to wear and weren’t really even back then.

I am thinking of making a list of the pubs we went to that semester in London, as it seems that some, like the “Churchill Arms,” we hung out at more than others and when my family and I travel to the UK in the future (we are tentatively planning a trip in the summer of 2020), I may want to try to go to one or more of those we went to in 1996. Though, as Bob pointed out when I shared this idea recently, they may not exist anymore. Maybe I’ll Google them, one of these days, and see what I can find out?

It’s also nice to see how some of my stronger friendships there were starting to form, including the helpful advice and affirming things that my housemates shared when I was struggling to make sense of some of my early experiences abroad.

One of the most frustrating things for me, about these journals and others that I have written in and kept over the years, is what I chose to leave out, for whatever reason(s). I don’t recall much about what happened with (not their real names) Nathan and Andrew, the guys we met clubbing that Friday night and then hung out with on Sunday. I am pretty sure we never saw them again and I’m not clear on why. Of course 22 years later it doesn’t really matter. It seems from my writing I might’ve even felt embarrassed that I was so giddy about Nathan and then maybe he didn’t end up returning my feelings?

I do comment later, I think in another entry (I read ahead sometimes, after I transcribe one or more here for my blog), about they guys being cool and also somewhat clueless. So maybe after our initial infatuation wore off we didn’t find them as interesting or impressive either? My roommate was engaged at the time too, so I get why she might’ve been less interested in hanging out with them as much.

I appreciate that though I didn’t share the details of why things didn’t work out with those guys, I did write about how I was processing my feelings. There’s still a lot of wisdom in some of the *goals* I came up with back then and I continue to work on them today.

One of the most fascinating things for me about revisiting these old journal entries from age 20-21 is how much I’ve changed in some ways and in other ways not so much. It a window into who I was before marriage and children and seeing that version of me can feel exciting, cringe-worthy, and also bittersweet at times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.

  Source: http://bereavedandblessed.com/2018/10/my-london-semester-journal-i-sunday-january-14-1996/