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howtosingit · 4 years ago

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I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too.

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think).

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year.

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that.

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care.

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point.

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show.

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10.

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them.

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode.

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#911 lone star #ls spoilers #ls speculation #tarlos #this is like EVERYTHING that is taking up space in my brain okay #mtnofgrace #asks

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luvdsc · 4 years ago

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OMG @ that anon who shared their random dream abt johnny i can relate to u so much KFDSJKJD this happened to me but with hyuck. i've had like 3 dreams of hyuck and what's so weird is that they're always in the same setting,, which is in his dorm room?? and we do the same thing ALWAYS which is either chill/hang out n play or cuddle (i mean,, i aint complainin tho) the latest one i had was that we were play fighting and all of the sudden,, out of nowhere my nose bleeds?!?!?!? AND ME N HYUCK ARE LITERALLY FREAKIN OUT?? CUS MY NOSE IS BLEEDING?/ AND HYUCK JUST SCRAMBLES THRU THE ROOM TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING AND HE THEN RUSTLES THRU MY BAG AND GETS A TAMPON. he's holding the tampon and he looks me dead in the eye, and just shoves it up my nose (not violently tho thank gOd) and he just beams at me with the brightest smile (like a preschooler who's proud of his stick man drawing 🥺😭), and then he suddenly was liek, "oH wAit, i fOrgot something!" and hyuck just grabs another tampon out of my bag and shoves it up his nose??? and he says "that's better, we're now matching!!! :D" and i'm just like: ????👁👄👁??? wtf he's so cUTEANDWEIRDOHGOD,, for awhile both of us were just standing there like sims players with tampons up our noses LMAO and then i asked him,, "cuddle?" and he answered me by attacking me with an aggressive bear hug and screamed "cUDDLE!" like he was a spartan soldier ready to go to war LMAO. it was the oddest yet cutest thing ever in my life and i woke up with a smile on my face oh gosh. AND OMG I HOPE U FINALLY FIND WINWIN IN UR DREAMS MISS CAT!!!! U DONT DESERVE THIS SLANDER :// YA'LL LET MISS CAT SEE WINWIN IN HER DREAMS IN PEACE FOR GODS SAKE!!! BFDVJSD btw i hope u have a great day luvs! 😚

- 🐼 anon

oooo so a little psychology about dreams !!! 💕your brain stores info and memories in a certain manner, kinda like file cabinets. so for you, I think your brain stores college stuff like dorms and nct in the same drawer or file cabinet, so it mixes the two subjects together and creates your dream! that may be the reason why you always get hyuck and a dorm room together for your dreams 💘 DBHDIDJDDKKD WAIT OH MY GOD THIS REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF SHE’S THE MAN 😭😭😭 WHEN DUKE AND HIS FRIENDS ARE LIKE WHY DO YOU HAVE TAMPONS AND SHE DEMONSTRATES STICKING IT UP HER NOSE FOR POTENTIAL NOSEBLEEDS AND THEN LATER ON DUKE USES ONE TOO LDBKDJDJD I NEED TO REWATCH THAT MOVIE SOON NOW AAAAAA but omg that’s literally the cutest dream ever, honey bee !!!!! 🥺💗💗💗💗 I wish I got cute dreams too 🤧 NDHDJNDJSDJ ikr 😭😭 I can’t even see winwin in my dreams, what is this 😔😔 I remember getting a dream where jeno was my bf and jaemin was suffering second male lead and since I lucid dream, I was just there like 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️ are you serious. And thank you so much, sweetpea, I hope you have a lovely day/night too !!! pls remember to stay safe and hydrated 🌸🌸

#asks #anonymous #🐼 anon

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marikaaajoy · 5 years ago

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my relationship with digital art and how BNHA salvaged it

I just wanted to let out my thoughts but I can only do it here :>

This might be a downer for some people but I’d like to share it with people here. BNHA means the world to me and this is why.

I first started drawing when I was 7 years old in 2006

I think it’s ugly now, but 7 year old me remembered being so proud of this because this is a drawing of my stepfather. This is the only drawing I have that was from my childhood. I think the aim here is to draw in anime style BUT I didn’t even watch anime back then. I had a classmate who loves anime and she taught me to draw in school. Drawing became a favorite hobby immediately after that.

Then it was 2013 and I was 14 years old. Drawing is still my favorite thing to do besides being on the computer. I love anime at this point too. My parents bought an iPad for the whole family, but I was almost always the one using it. I discovered an app called ArtStudio and thought “Wow, I can draw without making a mess and with only my fingers” because I was always too lazy to take out my drawing materials and clean up afterwards.

These were my first digital drawings. The pirate one was the very first. I got obsessed real fast. I can color so easily, undo any mistake, layers are a blessing too. There was just so much more freedom. I always sucked at coloring in traditional art and I didn’t like the mess (idk my hands get so messy traditionally)

The next year, it was 2014, I was 15. My birthday is in a couple of months and I knew my parents were planning to buy me something pricey (I think it was a laptop) so I approached them and asked if they could just buy the Wacom Bamboo as a present which was cheaper anyway and I even explained how it works to them and how it would allow me to draw on the computer instead of the iPad. I tried really hard to be convincing. I would have prepared a powerpoint presentation if I had to.

They did give me the wacom as a present. They even gave it to me months before my birthday so I could use it already. I thought I was the luckiest teen in the world with my parents.

These are a collection of my favorite works from 2014 to 2016. The middle one was my second drawing using wacom and Paint Tool SAI. I was a part of a lot of fandoms in those years lol

It gets downhill from there :/

April 2016, my mom and I moved to Japan, while my stepfather and siblings stay in my country. It was tough. For someone who is obsessed with anime, you’d think I’d be thrilled to live in Japan.

I was. Though only at the first few months. It’s not the same as it’s portrayed in anime (I should’ve known but I used to be blinded by anime). It was just lonely. The language barrier sucked and then lots of financial and family issues until my parents split. I got my first boyfriend too and I thought I was blessed by the nicest boy, but the relationship became extremely toxic but I didn’t have it in me to walk away.

All the shit that happened affected me mentally and emotionally. My biggest outlet which was digital drawing, was also out of the question because I did not have a computer/laptop when we moved to Japan. We left it in our home for my stepfather and siblings, even the iPad. I have my wacom with me, but no computer/laptop to use it with. I couldn’t draw.

I tried though. I used my phone to draw, but it wasn’t the same. Then the life problems got piled up, things got worse, and I just lost motivation in anything. Literally anything. From 2016 to 2019, I stopped watching anime, I dropped out of all the fandoms I’m in, I stopped watching my favorite TV series or movies, and I stopped drawing. I even got a bit disconnected with my friends who lived in my country (we talk regularly online). My family was broken so I gave all my attention to my toxic relationship as well which made everything worse too lol

I didn’t draw besides from a few scribbles and the drawings above. I did try digital art on my phone a couple of times again and even posted them on my IG, but they weren’t any good. Eventually, I got mentally and emotionally drained and dropped out of senior high school. I just stayed home for almost a year, leeching off of my mom. I felt even more worthless and my life had no direction at this point. Nothing mattered anymore.

April 2019 or so I think, my (ex)bf bought me a laptop. He says it’s a gift, but I think the real reason was to make up for something horrible that he did (which is stupid because money /gifts won’t resolve anything). I have a laptop. I can draw again, but I didn’t. I didn’t care, I wasn’t interested in drawing anymore anyway.

Welp. June 2019, I went back to my country. My (ex) bf stayed in Japan. The distance helped me end the relationship and my friends were there (they always were) to help put me back together along with two trips to therapy. I went back to finish my senior high school in my own country this time. That said, I have to stay in my country for school (but I was happy because I didn’t wanna go back to Japan yet when the breakup was still fresh and with going back to school, my life has a direction again.)

It was weird. I remember just being sorta lost and confused because I used to put my time, effort and everything into my previous toxic relationship, which was now gone. I was free and I had so much free time that I didn’t know what to do with it. I got so used to doing nothing and being nothing.

This is where BNHA enters.

Dunno when it started, but I started seeing Bakugou frequently online. It’s usually just Bakugou. I knew who he was because my friend suggested BNHA to me back in late 2018 I think but I didn’t watch it since I’ve lost interest in everything at that point in my life.

But ye I thought he hot af but I still didn’t watch BNHA.

But then for some reason he REALLY kept appearing in my social medias and it was really frequent. The last straw was when I saw a pic of him in UA’s gym uniform and thought “damn boi aight imma watch bnha for u” (y’all gotta admit he looks good in those colors with his combat boots XD )

I watched BNHA. Fell in love with Iida along the way. Then I switched to Tokoyami (but Shoji was hot too so aaaaa), but then angry emotionally-constipated sea urchin head caught my heart again. But oof. BakuDeku moments really made me feel some type of way I haven’t felt since I moved to Japan. It felt new but nostalgic. I fell hard in that ship.

I started obsessing. From memes to posts to fanfictions to buying merch to filling my room with BNHA posters. I realized I was reverting to my old self from the time I was still happy and it was thanks to BNHA (and the good people who helped me through the worst too)

Shit I wanted to draw BNHA, I thought.

I mean, I have a laptop, I still have my wacom and drawing softwares. I could totally draw digitally again if I wanted to.

But guess what

I can’t :c

My hand physically cannot draw. My drawings don’t look the way I want them too. 3 years of not drawing really destroyed any skill I had. I was back to square one.

September (yeah they’re ugly, I laughed at it). If you’re wondering why I drew on paper, it’s because, for some reason, I really CANNOT draw digitally. I mean it. I can barely sketch digitally at this point. The lines and shapes just doesn’t come to life. They’re just scribbles. But somehow, I can kinda draw on paper with a ballpoint pen. But yeah, that was the best I could do at this point in my life

After that, I still tried to draw, to regain my old art style, but it didn’t happen... It just doesn’t look or feel the same. Drawing used to be fun. But during this phase, it felt like my ugly drawings were just mocking me (probably was just too emo that time lol)

Weirdly, around a week or two I think, after my half-assed attempts at drawing, I managed to draw digitally somehow o.o

I did a Midoriya and Todoroki drawing like this too. It was my first post here on Tumblr I think. The annoying part here is that I cannot draw digitally unless I draw on paper first, take a pic, and then trace the lineart. I couldn’t draw directly on the computer. Granted, drawing on paper and drawing on digital is very different for me in the first place anyway. But it was still a pain. And it still looked like shit. I can only draw stiff poses :/ it seems like my brain decided to delete all data about anatomy and posture and backgrounds. My lineart here is even messy af. It still really not the same as my old style.

By 2020, I think I got my old art style back. On March, I made this. This took me 27 total of hrs to make.

Right now, I think it’s not bad, but back in March, I was disappointed with the result. This is when I finally broke down crying because it didn’t look good enough and I hated that it took me 27 hrs to draw “bullshit.” I was angry at myself for losing interest in drawing for 3 years when I could’ve used that time to improve. I had to start all over again and it still didn’t look good. (Current me thinks that the drawing above is alright. I was just a lot harsher to myself back then. Used to have a lot of issues but I’m doing great now)

I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up wanting to cry again. I wallowed in sadness for a couple of days. Eventually told my friends what’s up. Got some pep talk. Even talked to my sister (she’s great, she always hypes me up with my stuff and sometimes I think she’s my biggest fan with how she appreciates my drawings and I’m really grateful for that).

My world turned a 180 and I was weirdly positive after all that crying because brain chemicals and shit. I had a revelation. If I hate how my art style looked so much, then I should have been putting effort in changing my art style, not trying to regain my old art style (that I don’t like anymore)

I researched a lot. I analyzed different art styles and anatomy again. I did everything I could think of to find a style that works for me. I might have even neglected school for a bit to focus on digital art lmao

After all that work, I posted a fanart of middle school BakuDeku in their classroom. I love that fanart so much even if I probably have better ones by now because that was the first fanart I made that I felt like I could be proud of and it was the first one I made in my new art style. It was a milestone for me.

March 2020, I moved back to Japan and without the toxic relationship, I’m a lot positive now. Happy. I’m myself again after the previous bad years. I’m still continuously learning though, trying to improve, but at least, now, I found my own art style :) I really suck at interacting with people online, but I’m always grateful for the support everyone has been giving my fanarts. I’m happy when my content makes people happy.

This is why BNHA is important to me. The series is great alone, but it’s not just that to me. BNHA is so much more. It’s what made me find the passion to create again, only this time, it’s focused on drawing (I used to write, but now I just draw, but maybe I’ll write again for BNHA).

My family is supportive with my love for BNHA, but I think they don’t know the deeper reason why I love it. Sure, I was fine living on with nothing much going on in my life. I’ll finish school, get a job, work until I die or something. It was okay. It was the way of life. But BNHA gave my life color again. I wasn’t just blindly going through life anymore. I have something to look forward to everyday now. BNHA even became a bridge to other things. Ever since then, I’m a lot more open to people, to try new things, to explore and not just live through life and waste away. I got better at leaving my comfort zone. I’ve never been happier in my life :D

Thank you for supporting my fanarts. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to express myself through BNHA. I hope to make more content in the future and improve even more :)

#plus ultra #<3 #personal

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doomedandstoned · 4 years ago

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Meeting Bomg, Doom-Drone Legends from Ukraine

~Interview by Billy Goate~

Doomed & Stoned continues our week of epic interviews with a long overdue conversation with the great Ukraine doom-drone band BOMG, who have been desamating stages and blowing out amps since 2010. During that time, Nikolay Temchenko (guitar), Yuriy Temchenko (bass), and Anton Khomenko (drums) have put out two mammoth LPs, an EP, and a split.

I first got turned on to BOMG's sound with the record 'Polynseed' (2013), which released the year that Doomed & Stoned was founded. I recommend starting there if this is your first exposure to the mighty trio from Kyiv.

Bomg have been gradually drifting in the direction of full-on drone metal, executed in their own authentic and compelling way, as we're about to discover as we drill into 'Peregrination' (2020) -- which we reviewed last year and Robustfellow has recently reissued.

Give ear...

You state that BOMG means “vagabond” on your Bandcamp page. Can you elaborate on how the name ties in with the band’s history and core identity?

It’s an abbreviation literally meaning “with no particular place of living”. Funny thing is that its’ meaning is degraded in common use (like “bum”), but when it was incepted (60s – 70s in USSR) those who were stigmatized by it were better off going elsewhere than being part of the regime, taking it as a positive. This became somewhat of a short-lived movement even. We think that despite being prone to misunderstanding in every way, it fits the overall vibe. Blessing and a curse. But frankly, the name is a secondary thing at best.

How would you describe your distinctive sound, to someone who has never encountered it before?

Basically, trying to elaborate and add to “Black Sabbath spaghettified” idea. We try to squeeze out any possible amount of low frequency, volume, distortion and effect saturation to the instruments, not necessarily designed for it. As of similarities and influences, it’s 60s-70s heavy psych, proto-metal and proto-punk, 80s - 90s continuation of it (doom metal, stoner/desert rock, sludge, drone doom), besides that – dub, ambient, prog rock, experimental music, field recordings and whatnot.

Peregrination by Bomg

Your new album 'Peregrination' is an explosive bombshell, massive in every respect. When was the concept for the album born?

The first track was almost ready in 2011, we played it at our first show. As of concept, it started to take shape somewhere in 2013-2014, most of the lyrics were written back then. Then it took years to “grow.” First, we tried to make it so each track would fit one side of LP, but it seemed kinda compressed and landed too quick. Then we decided not to confine it to any time limit but each track landed itself around 40 minutes, so we made sure it evens out like this in final recording.

Tell us about the recording process involved. We’re very curious about instruments, gear, amps, and the general studio environment in which it originated.

Each whole track was recorded live (took roughly four weeks for four tracks), then layered with two additional guitars. Synths, field recordings, vocals were added afterward.

Gear: we used two Tank amps (Orange/Matamp clones) made from old soviet broadcast amplifiers and Tesla Disco 240 for guitar and bass (wish our Sunn concert bass was alive at that point, but it just burns transistors when turned on – we couldn’t find an exact schematic for it, even photos of the exact amp on the web, seems like it’s from some transition period).

The drums are '70s Rogers 13”, 16” toms and 24” steel shell bass drum from '50s-'70s (mass-produced for political celebrations, weddings and funerals), coupled with Meinl hi-hats, Paiste Rude China and Zildjian Mega Bell.

Guitars used were early '00s Gibson SG Standard, '72 Musima Eterna Deluxe and ’69 Musima Record; and ‘70 Cremona Violin bass.

Pedals: Poltava fuzz-wah, Noname “flanger” that is actually phaser for bass; Tesla Vrable fuzz-wah (the seller told us that his uncle was under KGB investigation for just having it), Noname dist (most likely a ProCo Rat clone), Vox wah, Boss BF-2, Lel’ parametric EQ, Lel’ digital delay, Boss dynamic wah, Roland Space Echo for guitar.

Recording equipment: Two '70s Oktava ML-19 for overheads, '50s-'60s Oktava ML15 and ML16 for room and various dynamic and condenser mics for everything else into Pro Tools, then later in mixing/mastering stage partly routed through mixer and cassette deck using beaten up cassette for analog saturation and vibrato.

Long story short, we tried to use most of the stuff we got in our studio, and at this point, it’s hard to remember every detail of the process. Referring to the environment, it is compiled of numerous weird gadgets which got to us throughout years, most of which were collecting dust somewhere for decades, and have a history (an entire topic by itself) we’re always asking for. And when used, they tell a story which then leaves a mark in recordings for sure. That was a hell of a fascinating process.

I noticed you had lyrics for each song on 'Peregrination,' but the singing doesn't seem discernable. Are there indeed vocals and, if so, how can I hear them?

Yes, there are vocals. They appear on low volume as reverberated and somewhat oscillated notes, more like presence; on high volume, you can hear words with 1-5 kHz correctly dialed in (on most audio equipment these frequencies tend to be excited, so lowering EQ at this range brings clarity), it appears as a whisper in a loud, saturated mix. Also, we added subtitles on YouTube, so you can know for sure where to find vocals. The point was to make them recognizable only with intent.

Talk about the album art. It seems there is hidden symbolism there, is that true?

It’s some sort of a window that leads to four areas, which are the visualized soundscapes to each track. There were no particular symbols, but the thing is that they fill in the picture as it is set - like a hallucination, which is often a well of meaning where symbols change and multiply interpretations, at the same time being just momentary blobs of form.

The process of making this album cover involved many iterations of drawing, running through GAN networks, editing the result to achieve the effect of a captured hallucination, close to the exact one. When hardwiring symbols directly into it, they would be eaten up by hallucinating AI. So by randomly forming a resemblance of shapes, things started popping out where they fit the most contextually - weird stuff. It’s a common thing in art to throw “open for interpretation” on everything, but this one might be.

What is the concept behind each "hobo" symbol and track on 'Peregrination'?

So, the first one means being quiet and alert, seeing what’s going on. The second one is a sign of a trolley – hopping from one soundscape to another, time travel. The third one – safe camp; it may be confusing when applied to the lyrics, but the position that is stated there facing the object is some sort of a “safe camp”, ground to stand on. The fourth one means “don’t give up”, even if applied in both meanings of this phrase to track. But the symbol references may lack context without diving into tracks.

I'm sure our readers would be most happy if you were to illuminate the meaning of each of the songs on your new album.

Well, it’s like trying to create a soundtrack to some introductory ontological theories (pretty blank, sterile stuff), realizing their intensity. Here uneven-numbered tracks touch on mind ontology, even-numbered - on reality ontology. Not diving into details too much, let them hang there.

I. Electron

Peregrination by Bomg

it's no light of star it's a light of mind walking thru a dream electron shamanism

"Electron" is covering the theme of mythical perception akin to humans and the discovery that put a dent into these beliefs. Variation on a Tunguska story, mythos surrounding Tesla, how people mythologize all around.

II. Perpetuum

Peregrination by Bomg

Across desolations Caravans astray Sand covered roads Forget old ways

"Perpetuum" goes more into sci-fi territory: endless cycles of dead and born-again civilizations, the Great Filter caused by cosmic events or beings themselves, and how we just might unknowingly observe such things staring at the sky.

III. Paradigm

Peregrination by Bomg

Giant web built and set in lines It works when mind reflects Leaving us with all the fears Or letting them disappear

"Paradigm" is based around the tendency of the mind to confine itself into some set of ideas, building a higher fence while thinking it broadens the space. Thinking of one thing while it is the opposite, fear of the structure collapsing while an event like this would alleviate any sort of fear. But breaking a paradigm usually leads straight to the next one, to which the same attributes apply. And keeping this notion brings a safe distance to it.

IV. Emanation

Peregrination by Bomg

Now the opportunity is To see the universe spinning Emit structures boundless Round its' endless borders It's the very first the very last small moment In periods of endless time When the structure merge infinite To manifest as something

"Emanation" goes somewhat contrary to the second one - a reality that may be started at some point, complicates itself, and never is truly repetitive. Also thoughts on subjective existence and the point of it, maybe being an instrument of the Universe to explain it to itself. Speculation on whether or not consciousness flows from one state to another, as energy does, returning to its inception or scattering across until equilibrium, or even said results being the same thing. And the uncertainty of these things that are left to be answered while we as beings, it seems, are just left to fade away.

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kaisooficrec · 6 years ago

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College AU Request

This is part two of this post.

Last college au request was over a year ago and since this is a very popular au the list is insanely long! There are some fics older than the last req but that weren’t recommended yet so I included those too ^^ enjoy and don’t forget to leave kudos & comments to the authors ♡♡♡

La Taille Parfaite - (ongoing) soulmates au, kyungsoo dreams of his soulmate’s dick and can’t wait to meet him

Criminally Romantic - kyungsoo is an author and jongin is a huge fan

Yes, the Brisket is Braised - (ongoing) Kyungsoo works part-time in a restaurant in which he meets the campus’ most popular jock jongin and is an asshole to him

Our Season - (ongoing) wolf & abo, they’re in the same frat house and are attracted to each other, but there are other guys who want a piece of kyungsoo’s ass (read: junmyeon is a little piece of shit)

The Deflowering of Do Kyungsoo - (ongoing) kyungsoo is very insecure about himself but jongin loves him and wants to show him just how much

Sucker + Supermassive Black Hole - last two parts of a series where the boys are in college, established relationship, they deal with the struggles of life and how to keep their love going

Flawless - (ongoing) kyungsoo likes to crossdress which make people judgmental about him. he thought jongin was like all those people who make fun of him but jongin genuinely likes him

this gap can’t keep us apart - (ongoing) kyungsoo is in college and takes the bus every morning where he meets businessman!jongin and they start talking and getting close. turns out jongin is sehun’s older brother who is kyungsoo’s friend and they meet at their house when jongin discovered his girlfriend cheated on him again

Prank Gone Wrong - kai is a known prankster, so his bf ksoo decides to prank him instead one day. it backfires in a way he didn’t expect

Coffee - jongin found out taemin cheated on him which led him to the cafe where kyungsoo works~

Wild Flowers Worth Knowing - (ongoing) ot12 vampire au, kyungsoo’s life has changed for good after discovering vamp!jongin’s secret

i just need the time and place to come through - after ksoo’s been dumped jongin wants to teach how to fuck around, until he realizes he doesn’t want anyone else to have kyungsoo but him

run batted in - sports au, they’re from different colleges and during a competition they meet and voilà it’s instant love

Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls - (ongoing) kyungsoo is in a studio art class and jongin is his nude model

lately all i want is you on top of me - *cries hearts* they both think they’re straight until jongin accidentally sends a pic of his ass to kyungsoo and it marks the beginning of their gayness

Campaigning For Your Heart - elections au, enemies to lovers, they both support different people and get into heated arguments, which is all just bottled up sexual tension really

there are no wrong mistakes - /heart attack/ kyungsoo is a homebody who’s quiet and thinks he is boring. his roommate’s best friend thinks otherwise.

Pay Me Some Mind - (how was this not recced before? lol) fwb to lovers, kyungsoo doesnt know jongin’s had a crush on him for a while but that doesn’t stop him from catching feelings

Hurricanes - *my absolute fav* bad boy!jongin meets not-so-innocent!soo and they fuck, but kyungsoo thinks its a mistake and jongin is intrigued (liiiight angst)

You times infinite - they become study buddies and then kyungsoo is turned into a vampire and doesn’t know how to stay close to jongin without hurting him

A Certain Romance - sports au, they’re from different schools but during a competition, a certain captain catches ksoo’s attention and maybe he’s interested in football after all

Signal Lost (& Found) - /looooove this/ soulmates & coffee shop au, jongin gets tattoos of what his soulmate draws since he was a child and then one day it disappears, and he’s confused about what happened to his soulmate

Just Say You Want Me (That’s All It Takes) - god yes. established relationship and library fucking with top!soo and slut shaming. need i say more?

A Different Morning - (YEEEES) childhood bffs!kaisoo and vlogger!jongin, MUTUAL PINING but they’re both oblivious!!!

Break a Leg - drama club au i liiiive for this! they had a one night stand and ksoo is kind of a bitter asshole who doesn’t want anything to do with super popular jongin after it

vertigo; crash - abo, omega!soo is accidentally put in the alpha dorms and jongin thinks he hates him

Clandestine Romance - arranged marriage but they love each other, ksoo is in his last year of college and his husband turns up to become his new dance teacher

Pumped Up Kinks - (ongoing) kyungsoo goes to a gay strip club for his 21st birthday and gets more than he bargained for

We Can Go Home - broken kaisoo, jongin has to ask his ex for help in maths, and then... KISS & MAKE UP

Mirrors - (ongoing) ksoo is a famous youtuber whose fans start a online fanwar with kim jongin’s fans. he decides to be mature about it and text jongin himself to apologize

So You Have a Crush (Here's How You Grapple with It) - sports au, jongin is a taekwondo player and has a crush on the judo captain ksoo, and tries to get him to teach him chokehold techniques. (smutttt)

Hair - (ongoing) kyungsoo found out he has stage 2 spinal cancer, so he decides that he wants to take some risks before he has to die, like have sex with a guy. and this is how he meets jongin

If Only I Knew - soulmates au, jongin wants to wait to find his soulmate to be in a relationship but when he meets kyungsoo he changes his mind (warning: character death)

Some Kind of Start - ksoo likes jongin and the latter knows but chooses to ignore it since he doesn’t like him back. sehun asks ksoo to fake date so he can make junmyeon jealous, but jongin is also a victim of jealousy

hold onto me tight and never let go - het!kaisoo with fem!soo, she has trouble letting go of her barriers and jongin really wants to get to know her more

P.S. You're Cute - (ongoing) jongin liked his senior’s profile on tinder and they matched

Cloud9 - transition from hs to college, jongin expressed his crush for ksoo although nothing happened, they meet again five years later in college

Perfection - vocal major!ksoo meets dance major!nini and decides he likes him and will take care of him

A Slice of Summer Love - jongin has a crush on the pizza delivery guy and orders too much pizza (very cute uwu)

I’m sorry I broke your hand, date me so I can make it up to you (kinda) - jongin tripped during a party and groped ksoo’s ass by accident, and ksoo’s reaction was to break his arm, but he took care of him as a form of apology

Aspartame (Just As Sweet) - jongin’s friend creates him an account on a sugar daddy website as a joke but he was curious and kept it and met kyungsoo

Kim Jongin's Must Kiss List - after an accident during a bake sale in high school, ksoo doesn’t stand jongin. in college nini puts up a “would kiss” list with ksoo’s name on it among others, and an angry ksoo retaliates by putting up a “would never kiss” list with only nini’s name on it, which is the start of everything

Love In Control - bdsm!au in which kyungsoo wanted a partner that would understand his needs and how to dominate him, and that person is kim jongin (warning: obviously bdsm and everything that comes with it. please read the tags carefully!)

No buts, just beauty - wolf au, kyungsoo is bullied and being told he’s ugly, jongin is making sure he feels beautiful

[Ain't] My Fault - top!soo greatness :-) they meet while jongin’s still with sehun but they break up soon after bc sehun cheated on him, and ksoo’s here to pick up the broken pieces

Treasure Trove - dragon au, ksoo is sick n jongin went to his room to give him candy and then they netflix and chill (literally)

Waiting for You to Make a Move - i’m fucking in love with this fic omg ;___; JONGIN IS A DRUM PLAYER and they were crushing on each other during the bus ride in the morning and then ksoo goes to chanyeol’s band’s gig and THERE HE IS JONGIN THAT SEXY MOTHERFUCKER. yes read it please (smut)

This is a start of something new.. - police officer!soo goes to check a college party that wasn’t reported and is stuck with a flirty jongin

Cafe Eau Laid - /sweats profusely/ wolf au and coffee shop au, jongin has a crush on a cute costumer that comes otfen but thinks the friend that comes along is his boyfriend when he’s really just an idiot. (public sex n size kink, you know its good)

My Universe - set in college au but it’s also mama au, jongin is having weird dreams that seem like memories of another life, and dreams of a certain guy that he seems close with.

Sweep You Off Your Feet (Or Mop Around) - kyungsoo works as a janitor at nini’s college to help support his family. they get to know each other and kyungsoo doesn’t tell him he’s not a student but after an incident, he’s fired from the job and has to forget about jongin as well

This is the college au tag for older requests ♡

- Admin Macaroon

#kaisoo #kadi #fic request #r:uni au #admin macaroon

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dekuinthelake · 5 years ago

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Happy Birthday Bloodborne

Seeing as it’s the 5th year Bloodborne has graced this mess of a planet with it’s omnipotent light I figured write a little thing about how much the game means to me. I’m going to get fairly personal so if you don’t like that kinda thing feel free to skip.

The first time I beat BB I didn’t think much of it, honestly. I’d had a rather basic playthrough where I didn’t see pretty much any of the optional bosses or do any of the story. I did as Gehrman suggested and just hunted some beasts. I took a break from it for a while and didn’t return to it until my life started getting... Difficult.

My parents a year prior had gone through a rather turbulent divorce. In the wake of this, my sister and her boyfriend moved in so we could all help my dad pay for his house if only just barely. At the time we all knew even with four of us we didn’t make the type of money to help make payments and the inevitability of him loosing the house was a constant and looming stress. Worse still, my sister only agreed to move in if she was added to the mortgage, meaning she could threaten to sell on a whim, a privilege which she started using to strong arm me and my dad in to behaving a certain way. Her boyfriend was verbally abusive towards everyone, but especially condescending to her. Tension grew between all four of us, but especially between me and the boyfriend. I could ask my sister if she wanted to go out to lunch and catch up and she’d respond, “Let me ask my BF”. His control over her became apparent and the wedges he was intentionally drawing between her and our family was impossible to ignore.

All the while I was working a 4AM shift at a Zoo in the winter and barely getting any daylight or human contact since I had to be in bed so early to wake up for the drive. I cleaned a mile of glass in the dark every day non stop, only to have it be dirtied the moment the park opened. No matter how hard I worked to keep the park as clean as I could, even to the point of putting on dust masks to knock down spider, the higher ups weren’t happy with our companies work. As our contract was rapidly coming to an end, rumors began to circulate that we might not have it renewed if things didn’t improve. Worse still, someone had been stealing from the supply closet. Supposedly only the managers knew the code, and this sparked massive distrust in the Zoo staff towards our department to the point keys were taken away and our lives were made harder by no longer having access to vital shortcuts around the park which made getting from place to place take even longer in the miles long local.

This futility and rage sparked the most obsessive play through of a game I’ve had to date. Undeniably, these situations were hopeless and lonely, and Bloodborne is a game that understood exactly how I was feeling. The Hunt is, after all, an eternal nightmare. No matter how many beasts, kin, or humans you kill, it’s an unending loop of uncertainty and oppressive danger. The tenuous state of things in Yharnam was uncomfortably familiar. Only in the game, it was far easier to focus on the things I could control.

The weapon I wielded. The stats I chose to upgrade. Which path I wanted to explore. The fluid combat enabled more split second choices every second, helped in large part by a generous stamina bar. More so than Dark Souls, Bloodborne expects you, the player, to take charge. You either commit to an aggressive plan and kill the beasts, or you die.

When I first started, I played extremely cautiously and likewise did not have a lot of success. On new game +1, however, I began to realize that vital element. Hesitate and you die. Commit entirely and live. The more I played, the more I meditated on the very nature of what this game was communicating to me.

In my actual life, I hadn’t come out as trans yet and it was something I was viciously debating internally. Earlier that year I tried to commit suicide. I half came out in the hospital, telling the ICU nurses my name was Mike. But even in the psych ward I was terrified to speak to social workers and groups about those feelings... Being that I had 6 hours completely alone and in the dark, it gave me time to listen to a lot of media by trans people. I distinctly remember one video where a trans woman was describing what dysphoria feels like and openly sobbing. I was starting to understand the core of why I hated myself, my body, and my current situation so much.

But I was afraid. Even after the epiphany that I wanted to come out, I had a lot of doubt on if I could afford HRT, if I could commit to it, and what people would think. I worried starting T and in turn second puberty would bring back my horrible temper that I had going through it the first time. When I say I had rage problem, that’s putting it mildly. I’ve punched people before just for touching me when I was younger, and with the situation between me and my sister’s boyfriend getting more tense by the day I was rightfully concerned it might erupt in to actual physical violence.

And so... I continued to come home from being alone all to spend most of my time alone playing Bloodborne. It was a great game to keep my mind off of things because of how much focus it demands to play. Funny enough, once you get good at it, the beasts are also a great punching bag.

A lot can be said about how Blood Vials aren’t the best method of healing. Having to stop boss attempts because you need to go farm some red Estus isn’t great design. However, running around that first part of Yharnam with the beast claws just shredding through citizens like a wild animal is possibly the most cathartic thing in my life at the time. It made me feel powerful, unstoppable, and like I was in complete control. I knew exactly how to handle the big pats one by one, and eventually I got skilled enough to just run into that big mob by the tree and stop people anyway because of how good the audio queues are at letting you know when you gotta dodge. I spent hours in both this location AND Chalice Dungeons farming for Echoes and consumables to the point that controlling my character in Bloodborne feels as natural as walking.

I started beating the game faster and faster. I was on +5 difficulty and working on the DLC by myself when things escalated...

At this point, I knew staying at my dad’s house wouldn’t be possible. The verbal fights between me and my sister were getting more and more prevalent. More than that, I knew it was time to come out and I didn’t feel secure doing that in an environment that was actively hostile. The plan was to save up, move out with two friends... But moving out came far faster than I had anticipated.

A few days after my birthday, we had a family meeting. I don’t remember what sparked it, but we all sat around and voiced our complaints with each other. When it was my turn to speak, I brought up the fact my sister’s boyfriend had been intentionally isolating her on top of in general just being a jackass to her. He’d make her get things for him, call her stupid when they played games... The works. I don’t remember what he said that sparked it, but I remember the feeling... A really familiar feeling I hadn’t had in years. My pulse thundered in my neck so hard I couldn’t hear anyone over it. I started yelling incoherent shit. My sister stood in front of him because I was aggressively stepping forward. It was that temper I thought I’d knocked coming back. If she hadn’t gotten in the way, I’m absolutely sure I would have pummeled that man. I hadn’t felt that way since I strangled a kid in school to the point he nearly passed out.

It was then I knew I had to leave. By nature, I’m violent. I hate it. But the decisiveness which I’d slowly been building helped me find the courage to admit this.

I took off in my car and just hauled ass to the highway. I had a bloodborne CD I’d been playing on my way to and from work. It sounds silly, but larping I was just a hunter during those crushing morning shifts was helping me keep going. Sure it was hopeless, but I felt bad ass to keep trying. I needed to have an unbreaking will to deal with this dilemma. Having so recently made a second attempt to kill myself, I had this powerful urge that no matter what I couldn’t end up there again. So, I decided not to beat myself up about it and just accept that I had to move on and away from what little family I had left. I remember not really thinking words. I listened to Gehrman’s music on repeat with the windows rolled down going 78 miles an hour and just... Screaming. Literally screaming as loud as I could in to the night. Over and over again until it hurt just to breathe.

Even though I felt betrayed by the people I thought were closest to me there wasn’t anything I could do but endure.

Eventually I arrived my current roommate’s parent’s place where they were living at the time. I told her and her husband what happened. We went to the store for something. I got a call from my dad saying my sister was threatening to move out and apparently had yelled at him for not keeping me in line despite the fact at one point he’d physically gotten up and started yelling in my face to calm down. That was it. I asked my friend’s parents if I could move in temporarily and... That was that.

The next day we gathered up all my things. I had to leave my dogs which was possibly the most agonizing part.

But that night? I beat the orphan of Kos by myself on +5 on my computer monitor plugged in the wall and set on a box. Doing that was this weird extreme elation. It’s like I’d defeated two massively difficult, seemingly impossible tasks in one day. I’m glad I had help with the moving, though. Unlike Kos, that would have been impossible alone haha.

That weekend passed and I went back to work at the Zoo as normal. After I finished my shift, however, every employee in my company was called to a meeting. This was it. We all knew what was coming. We were to be laid off in December, giving us 3 months to find new work or apply to the company that was taking over the contract.

In the wake of this news, moral plummeted. No one really tried that hard. I was coming in high to work every day and drinking with a coworker during our shift while we tired our best to continue work. That last month I worked there was a weird drug addled haze of extreme emotions mixed with ignoring them in favor of listening to VaatiVidya lore breakdowns of Bloodborne.

I was going home and spending hours on art inspired by the general vibe of the game and my impossible to digest feelings. I’d lost my job, home, and family. I don’t know if I would have survived without both Bloodborne and my art as an outlet.

In the following months, I had gotten to New Game +7 and started recording myself trying to kill bosses without healing. Even though to this day no one watches these attempts but me, making them was frankly vital to keeping me distracted and focused on something I could control.

There was a time where I didn’t think Ludwig +1 was beatable but... Here I am two years later happily having 100% Bloodborne and beaten every boss on +7, most of them without even needing to heal.

The biggest lesson I took away from this game was persistence and decisiveness. The Souls series in general made me realize something huge that to this day has helped me fight my depression back. I’m a stubborn fuck who will grind and grind and grind until I finally achieve victory.

Fight for the progress you want to make. Things seem hopeless a lot, but you have to keep going. With effort, you can change anything you want to in your life.

Two years later, I’ve been doing HRT for 1 year and 3 months. I just had top surgery done. I’m working a job I like that’s got normal daytime hours and pays more than any work I’ve ever had with benefits. I don’t think I would have had the tenacity to stick to these things without realizing a fundamental aspect about my personality thanks to the help of Bloodborne specifically.

I can endure, learn, grow, adapt.

Thank you, Fromsoft. I hope this conveys a shred of what this dumb little game means to me. I needed Bloodborne so much when I moved out. I’m so glad it exists.

#Bloodborne #long post #personal

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lunartrashbin · 6 years ago

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Sabo X Female Reader (Admiration)

"Seriously, if you like the guy, just tell him already! It's already just annoying by the way you look at him all lovey-dovey!" (Bf/n) exclaimed, clearly being fed up with my bullshit.

"Oh shut up. It's fine as is just admiring him being happy. Besides, why would he even like this dumb potato? If he's happy, I'm happy. Also, doesn't the saying go like happy guifu, happy lifu?" I retorted with a slight nonchalant tone.

"....................... NO YOU IDIOT, IT'S HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE. YOU WEREN'T EVEN CORRECT!!!" (Bf/n) shouted, just barely enough to draw attention while I just rolled my eyes. "Also," he continued, shoving food in his mouth. "You may be a dumb potato, but you are also the nicest and prettiest potato out there. Besides, do you even realize that Sabo actually looks at you sometimes?" (Bf/n) might be an idiot a majority of the time, but at least it's in that nice type of way.

I sighed. "Look, just because I "stare" at Sabo, doesn't mean that I like him. Besides, I stare at Kid sometimes, and that's cause I think about how much I hate him and how stupid he is."

"Oh is that so?"

I turned around at the sudden voice to see a certain tulip haired man, who just happens to be on a period 24/7.

"Oh hello, EustASS Fucking Kid." I greeted as I heard a few snickers from those who were brave enough. The really sad thing was however, no one realized that we were somehow siblings, even thOUGH WE HAD THE SAME MOTHERFUCKING LAST NAME. LIKE SERIOUSLY, HOW STUPID CAN THE HUMAN POPULATION GET!?!??

With that in mind little(?) readers, this meant that (Bf/n) was unaware of my relation with the edgy tulip. Therefore, he nearly shit his pants. It was sorta a funny sight though.

But oh no, it didn't just end there. Everyone within a hearing distance literally stopped what they were doing to look at the unknown sibling drama. Which also included Sabo, so fuck my life now. Since I was classified as a "shy" kid- even though the only kid here is a tulip- it looked like quite a shock for me to stand up the the idio- sorry, I meant bully. I could even hear (Bf/n) mutter "Don't do it you idiot. Don't provoke him."

But did I listen? I mean, why the fuck would I? So I continued as he did.

"Hello (dumb insulting name). I see you're being shitty as usual." CUE THE CONFUSED PEOPLE. Why? Because no one knows why he called me that. Though there is a story behind it... Which is embarrassing...

"I see you're being an ass like usual. Say, how is your arm? I do wonder what happened to it..." I talked back with a hint of sarcasm. Truth is, in one of our daily fights at home, I ended up breaking his arm, so now it was in a cast. Not my fault he insulted Sabo and was an asshole like usual though.

"Oh piss off." He spoke, before flipping me off and walking away. While he did that, I stuck my tongue at him. ;P

And my god, every one looked so confused, it was beautiful. And then there's Law, looking proud of me for slightly crushing Kid's pride. He didn't show it, but it was there.

I finally turned myself back to (Bf/n), only to be bombarded with questions.

~~~

After the event at lunch, apparently my reputation increased a bit for standing up to the idiot jerk. Why is this important? I'm actually, not sure.

Anyways, a few days have passed since then, and today on Friday, I, Eustass (Y/n), had received a note, letter, love letter? Whichever it is.

When school ended, I went home while Kid (a/n I wanted to write aniki for some reason XD) went out with his friends, leaving me alone with the note while not worrying about getting teased. It was a simple light blue paper folded into thirds, with a piece of tape holding it together. That's literally, just it. I peeled off the tape, and read.

Dear E. (Y/n),

I have already fallen for you for a while now, and the event on (insert date) a while back may have made me fall deeper than I thought I could have already.

Anyways, I'd like it if you could go out and join me at the Baratie for lunch at 11:30 am. Lunch will be on me, and I can't wait to see whether or not you come, but I hope you do.

Yours Truly,

Hooooooooly cheese and macaroni, Did I just get asked out on a date???? The handwriting was nice though. But ohhhh lordie, my face is probably as red as big bro's hair, I don't know what to do. Look, I ain't good with affection or shit related to that. But do I go? What would I wear? What if it goes south? What if it's a prank? Or worse, it's not a prank? And who the hell is S???

Ohhhh boi, since I was never good with this kind of stuff to begin with, I texted (Bf/n), and you know what he replied with?

"Eh / Just go / U never kno wut might happen"

"Just go" He fricking says. Just. Go.

Like, does the fucker not know how I can't deal with this shit that fucking easily???

And just like that I lost all of tonight's sleep, just deciding to screw myself over and go. I may be Kid's sister, but I'm not that mean... I think.

When I woke up, I sneaked into Kid's room, to see the fucker snoring hella loud. I grabbed that thing used to match your skin, think it was called foundation? To cover any eyebags and what not, and sneaked back out. It was tempting to kick him though, but I didn't want him to question me.

I went back to my room and grabbed a black tank top with a plain (f/c) jacket, with white cuffs of the sleeves. I also wore (a) (shade of blue) blue jeans that went a bit below my knees, being slightly ripped. As for shoes, I just wore some black boots with a (f/c) streak somewhere. (Sorry im bad at explaining clothes)

I then left at 11:15 because I wanted to be there 10 minutes early and it took 5 minutes to get there by foot.

I grabbed my earphones and phone from my pocket to play some music on my way there and hummed to the tune while waiting.

About 8 minutes passed when I got there I think, when I finally heard a familiar voice.

"Sorry if I'm late. My brothers wanted food so I had to make them some." I turned around to the source of the voice and my face immediately reddened. Because wHO THE FUCK KNEW THAT IT WAS GONNA BE MY CRUSH THAT I DENIED TOWARDS (BF/N)!?!?!??

Sabo was wearing a simple white button up shirt and some brown jean looking pants, and yet he still, looks great. But I had to speak otherwise, I might just be rude, or weird, or both.

"I-it's fine. You're not late, i-its just that I was here earlier."

GODDAMMIT WHY DID I STUTTER???? KILL MEEEEEEEEE.

"That's good, sorry to keep you waiting then? Anyways, let's go inside. Ladies first." The somehow calm fuck said as he opened the door with a fucking wink that just melted me. But you know what I did? I just chuckled at the silly gesture but really, I have no fucking idea what to do.

Like excepted, we sat at a table, ordered our food, and talked. Surprisingly, it actually wasn't that hard to talk to him. I mean it still sorta is cause I like him and I don't wanna screw up my chances, but, it was nice.

After we finished, we went to the park, and you probably guessed, more talking and idle chat. Mainly Sabo poking fun at his brothers.

"And then there was this one time where went to the beach, a-and we were in a boat and then we heard this noise." Sabo started again with another story in mind, sounding like he was trying so hard not to just fall to the ground and laugh. "At first, Marco looked like he didn't care, and he was chill. When all of a sudden he just screamed like a girl right when a seal came up behind him, and he just clung to Thatch like a scared child!" And he lost it. He just started to break into laughter, and loose his shit. Can't blame him though, as I joined in on his laughter. (Itotallydidn'tputareferencetooneofKiraReno'sstoriesjustnow)(congrats if you could read that)

Because just imagine. Your super calm and serious seeming art teacher, looking like he isn't scared easily, screaming like a small girl AND CLINGING to his brother, just because he's scared! And then I lost it too.

He then shared some more stories as he walked me back home after a while. Though sadly but obviously, he didn't share any funny stories about himself. It was pretty quiet when we got in front of my house, which made me suspicious of what Kid was doing, but I shrugged it off.

"Well, I'll be going now. Here's my number so you can text me!" He spoke with a precious smile.

And then kissed my fucking forehead.

I turned red, obviously not expecting it, when out of fucking no where-

"OI!!! KEEP YOUR HANDS, OFF OF MY SISTER!!!!"

And who else would it be other than Eustass. Fucking. Kid.

"S-sister?!" Sabo was surprised, but who came blame him? Would you really expect one of the top bullies of the school to just come out of fucking no where and just defend somehow his little sister? Because people would usually say I'm an angel, which, clearly they haven't met me.

Sick and tired of Kid's usual and daily bullshit, i took off my boot, and threw it at Kid's face. Thankfully, the window was open.

#old?ish #potat things #my writing #it came from wattpad #sabo #one piece #x reader

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xojessicaaa · 6 years ago

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Reputation. After experiencing 1989 I absolutely positively HAD to attend this tour. And hopefully locally as we drove to Tampa just to attend 1989. I signed up for the Taylor Swift Tix and was heavy watching those videos and trying to get boosts. I was trying to get Miami tickets. I made it very very close to full priority but not quite. I was close enough though and my fingers were crossed.

I was able to get seats close to the B stage I was over the MOON. Months later we got invited to a wedding on the SAME EXACT DAY. I was devastated. I knew what the “right” thing to do was, but I wanted to see Taylor so bad. I worked so hard for those tickets. My bf ended up being in the wedding so there was no way he could go. I was able to show up to the start of the wedding and leave. I invited my friend to go with me (although no one I know likes Taylor anywhere close to what I do) and I told her the ticket was on me. It was expensive but I didn’t want to go alone.

I made us matching outfits that came out great! I hand placed all of the rhinestones in REP. I had really hoped TN or Taylor would see but I don’t have a great following in any social media platform. But that was okay I was just happy I was going. I also recreated one of Taylor’s outfits that I adored!

That night, I wanted to get there early to explore and have fun. We didn’t make it until almost the beginning of the concert. The whole thing was freaking amazing. Start to finish. The only part that still kills me is that before Taylor even got to the first side stage, people mobbed the side stage that was literally right NEXT to us. I got aisle seats near the stage for a reason. We never went up and stood next to the stage prior because we weren’t allowed to be I. The aisle and I specifically asked about it and they said no we HAD to be by our seats. We missed our chance at being front row... the whole reason I got those seats, the reason I picked that section, the reason I spent more money was just for nothing. Granted yes we were still closer than most people but I wanted that front row experience 😭

Overall, I had the time of my life. I’m incredible shy and don’t draw attention to myself ever but I let go that night. I was a totally different person. I was so happy I didn’t want to leave. Like I said before, being at a @taylorswift concert is so magical and you just want to experience it over and over again. I may have to go to the next one alone so I can splurge on my own ticket. Even though my friend enjoyed herself so so much, she’s not willing to make the sacrifices I would to go to a higher ticket. But that’s okay because I just want to have fun.

Bring on the Lover era 💕

#taylor swift #taylorswift #taylornation #taylorlurking #taylurking #lover #loveralbum #loverera #swifties #swiftie #IBPKC

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curestardust · 6 years ago

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if you want: (copy-pasting from my previous review cause it didn’t change) well, it’s BNHA lmao / amazing animation / amazing music / shounen / superpowers and heroes / to have a good fucking time

BNHA S01 review: (x)

DAMMNNN

For the techinical aspects, feel free to read my previous review. The music, the voice-acting. everything brings the same quality as S01, most notable of which is the animation. I was sorta worried that the longer run time will lead to more sloppy shots and such but I really shouldn’t have, it’s just as amazing as it was in the beginning.

Season 2 has 3 arcs. The sports festival, the internships and the final exam. As someone who grew up on Yuu Yuu Hakusho, I was obviously excited for the sports festival arc as it brought us something that every good shounen has: a tournament. The internships bring our attention back to Midoriya while the final exam serves as a nice wrap-up to the season.

Being such a franchise, as interesting Midoriya’s journey is, it needs some great side-characters which we get plenty of. The characters set-up as more important in season 1 get some really great character building moments, solidifying their personalities and goals. We also have a few more who get thrust into the highlight, namely Todoroki, who serves as a great middle-ground between Midoriya’s sweet and Bakugo’s intense personality.

The rest of the class also get some time to shine, bringing us closer to them and making it feel like we’re truly watching a whole class’s journey instead of just a select few. Alas, they didn’t have as much relevance as in the USJ attack in S01 but still were enjoyable to watch.

All in all, I’m truly amazed. There was some filler and some slower points in the anime where my attention wavered for a second but BNHA always managed to bring me back, making me exhilarated throughout the whole thing.

I can’t wait to dive into S03 and see where these characters’ roads lead to and how the story progresses. (9/10) (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

if you want: tragic gays / gritty, dark and depressing story / 80′s USA with a focus on the mafia and a bit on gangs

WARNING: Banana Fish contains a lot of possibly triggering content. Please be careful if you’re sensitive to: Pedophilia, Rape (the act is never shown just the aftermath) (both are brought up, talked about and happen multiple times)

Banana Fish, or as it’s affectionately called, “Banana Gay”, was my last anime left over from the Summer season.

BF is...horrible. But in a good way. But also in a bad way...what I’m trying to say is that if you become attached to the characters’ in the beginning, you won’t be able to take a single breath throughout the whole runtime of this anime. Literally every episode has some sort of twist or event that made me wanna scream “NOOOO” and it just doesn’t let up! There are very, very few slower parts where you can finally relax for a second but then you blink and the craziness starts all over again. It’s like a really exhausting roller coaster ride.

So what is it about anyway? BF is based on a manga by the same name that was written in the 80′s. It takes place in the USA and we follow a boy named Ash. He is basically the powerful pet of the mafia boss and the leader of the gangs in the downtown area. We start out with Ash rebelling against the mafia. The rest of the anime is just a combination of gang wars, manipulation, shootings, murder and all kinds of disgusting shit that’s typical for most fictional stories taking place in the USA in this time period.

And while the premise and the execution is alright, it’s not interesting enough to draw such a fanbase as it did. And this is where the “Gay” part comes in, as Banana Fish is basically just a tragic love story. And yes, love story, without quotation marks cause if any of these 2 were a woman, people would 100% call it that so no one can say anything, period. Anyway, in the beginning we are also introduced to a young Japanese guy called Eiji, who comes with his friend, a photographer, as his assistant. Ash and Eiji’s very first meeting sets them up as a peculiar pair. Eiji comes off as very naive, sweet and innocent and yet he isn’t scared of Ash despite knowing that he is a gang leader. This fascinates Ash and we go from there, basically. Their personalities are like ice and fire. Ash becomes incredibly attached to Eiji and wants to protect him at all cost (even with his life if necessary). Eiji returns the sentiment, although in a much more subtle matter. Their relationship is what kept me personally completely invested but it was fucking painful cause nothing seems to go right for these two, sigh.

From a technical standpoint, Banana Fish has as many flaws as positives. As I said, if you get attached to the characters, these flaws will be easier to ignore but they are still there and due to this being a 2-cour series, some of the annoying stuff is there long enough to actually become annoying.

The story itself is going in a 100 different directions with many players on opposing sides. There was a huge problem which only became prevalent near the last third of the anime. That is, there was seemingly a limit as to how high the stakes could be. We start from more minor stuff but with time the threats become bigger and the stumbles become deadlier and deadlier. However, at one point it starts to seem like we’re going in circles. The situation literally can NOT become any more deadlier and thus sometimes it feels like we’re reliving the same plot points over and over again, just in different settings. This isn’t helped by the fact that some characters are hellbent on their decisions and no matter what happens they will not consider anything else.

The animation and the music are both really good but some cracks show through. With the music, it uses multiple genres: melancholic classical instruments and pulsing synth heavy electronic tracks for example. All of the tracks are really pleasant to listen to however they were not used in the best way. Some scenes were missing some background music to elevate our emotions. The art style and animation are a bit unique but you can get used to it in a few minutes. Choppy linework and muted colours create a nice aesthetic with fluid animation especially during combat. Unfortunately, it does have some wonky shots but that wasn’t what annoyed me most but the inconsistent shots. From one angle a character is looking at the wall then when the camera switches to another angle they’re looking at the speaker. From one angle they have their arms crossed, from the next their arms are at their sides. It’s kind of minor but I still couldn’t help but notice and get taken out of the story for a few seconds.

To wrap up...I don’t like the ending. Don’t worry, I won’t be spoiling anything however I got accidentally spoiled on it and I’m honestly glad cause I’m pretty sure I would’ve started screaming like a lunatic if I didn’t. The ending feels a bit rushed. Banana Fish tries to quickly wrap up most plot points but we don’t particularly see their outcome. It was...uhm. Well, let me just say, I wasn’t satisfied and will now on just ignore the canon. mkay.

I really wanted to downgrade this to a 7 because of the ending but it was a pretty wild and entertaining ride so I don’t think that’d be deserved. Banana Fish is definitely not for everyone but if you are interested in stories set in these settings you might give this a go (and now goodbye, time to read the manga) (8/10) (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

#Boku no Hero Academia #My Hero Academia #my hero academia season 2 #my hero academia s02 #my hero academia s2 #boku no hero academia season 2 #boku no hero academia s2 #boku no hero academia s02 #damn i love this anime but all this tags are killing me #Banana Fish #only 2 reviews this time cause the BF one turned out much longer than i planned to #dusty reviews

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escaping-consciousness · 2 years ago

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Of course, I can’t rely on anyone.

I don’t know if my bf will be able to get a job and KEEP it long enough before I completely deplete my savings. I struggle to save what $150 every check, but it won’t stay there. I’ve had to take it out to compensate for him or our roommates when they were unemployed. I’ll probably have to do it again to keep his car from being repoed, because unemployment may deny his claim. A bill needs to be paid and I just shit out money that could’ve gone to new computer equipment, clothes that actually fit me, therapy, or a course for a certification to get a better paying job. I could use it to move. I can’t do shit though. My hands are tied because I’m working all the time.

I can’t even do anything for myself because there’s no money left for me. I refrain from using what I can keep in the savings account .

I’m too tired and depressed to focus on my hobbies and skills. I need books to study, and I want to invest in freelancing, I just don’t have the support or the time. When I want yo get in the zone, it’s time to cook or go to bed so I can get up for work. When it’s the weekend, we have chores to catch up on. My money is gone by the time we finish groceries.

I don’t even have kids or my own pet. I have literally NOTHING except the my personal bills. The only good thing is that my bills are finally being paid on time. I can do my part. I know the economy is tough but I’ve gone too long without the things that could change my life or make me happy.

I don’t know what to do.

I feel alone and exhausted. I have a hard time seeing the positives in my situation. Yes, I’m alive, but I’m miserable. I just exist and I can’t make myself happy without compromising the security of having somewhere to live and paying things on time.

When I ask for help, there’s excuses from family or they’re trying to bail out cousins that don’t deserve the money because they refuse to work or get help. My mom has nothing to give. She ended up putting me in debt because she didn’t have enough to help me like she promised. She was too trusting and was just too busy helping her friend, her brother, or my brothers. None of them paid her back or even kept their end of the deal, but I did. I still get little financially help, even though forced to break my back for everyone else.

I can’t go home. Even if I did, there wouldn’t be room for me living back at mom’s. They’re struggling just as much and I’ll just be their taco to work because neither my brother or cousin have their own cars nor will they take public transportation or carpool with coworkers. Mom will emotionally cling to me because of how unhappy she is. If I go home, I’ll purposely OD.

Even if I left my bf, I’d be a burden to my friends. I can’t live alone because i simply can’t afford the rent. I make too much for assistance. I don’t have the skills. I can draw, but AI is fucking up the industry. I don’t have an audience for commissions. I’m not pretty or in shape enough for sex work. Something will happen to me if I ever go homeles.

A lot of this is so mean to think but I just don’t care,

I’m so demotivated by my circumstances but I wish that I didn’t wake up the next morning. I feel like I worked hard for nothing. People telling me “I’m doing great” have no idea how much pain I’m in and it seems like they don’t care either way. Nobody checks up on me. They just ask my parents about me, rather than call or message me.

I wish I didn’t need to be alive. I’m tired of being strong for everybody just so I can be there for them to lean on. I’m tired as bc I want to quit.

I don’t know why I’m sven here anymore.

I’m so unhappy and I can’t escape my life.

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parkminijiminie · 7 years ago

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About Ships, G.C.F, Jungkook and Jimin and ship wars

This is an open reply to a wonderful post by @noransaekk . I was inspired by it but I don't claim that the original poster shares my opinion. These thoughts are my own thoughts! Also, this is in no shape or form an attack on other ships, nor am I trying to convince anyone in anything. It is merely an opinion and an invite to a peaceful discussion. So, let’s beginn:

I will start by saying this: shipping is a part of every Kpop fandom, of the industry as a whole, idols know this and they are encouraged to use it. Simply said: shipping draws attention to an artist and therefore from a business point of view helps the sales. Regarding BTS there are three main controversial ships (I’m not naming them, all of you know them) and each of them has its moments. Some more eyebrow raising, others more.. speculative (for lack of a better world) but nonetheless everyone is free to ship whatever they want as long as it does no harm to the band and other people! In a way shipping is helpful because it creates discussions about heteronormativity, sexuality, society and etc.

Regarding BTS, in the second half of 2017 and particularly after G.C.F shipping took a different form.

But lets start a little back..

Jungkook is a private person. Granted I am a relatively new ARMY, I joined the fandom in May this year, but even I immediately noticed he doesn’t like sharing as much as the other members. It literally took him a fan contract and a hella thicc bag of trophies to post selcas lately. I don’t know if he is going through a tough period or not but it is clear that he is a private person now. He dodged questions about crushes, he doesn’t post things, he doesn’t boast but does things quietly (example:buying only Jm a birthday present which we would know nothing about if not from the other members). So considering this, G.C.F is not a big but an enormous deal ! And also one of the, if not THE most convincing shipping moment in all of Bangtan history! Because:

1. It is a trip between two friends and bandmates who see each other constantly and still choose to spend their short break together. A pre-planned trip but also full of spontaneity

2. The video was very thoroughly planned and executed. The shots Jk took were not random, they probably fitted a predetermined idea of his of what exactly he wanted to produce and how to film it. He started as early as the airport!

3. There is no fan service about this. Jimin didn’t know about the video. They didn’t go to work. They went to Disney and watched fireworks. They were there for pleasure, not on business

4. The music. The song Jk chose was not a random choice either judging by the way it matched the video so beautifully. He selected it probably for a reason. A song by Troye - an artist he likes and wants to collaborate with, a successful gay one at that. For a long time Jk chose all the time firstly JB as his inspiration but not anymore. Now always and mostly first he mentions Troye. Maybe the reason is he admires him, maybe he is a role model for him, someone he wishes he could be: open about himself but still with a great music career .

5. The way the video was shared: a simple link in Twitter, no explanation given. A quiet, non boastful way to say: this is may work .

The video is Jungkook baring himself to us. It is a bold bold move for someone as private and intent on not sharing like him. Perhaps this is him saying: This is me. This is who I really am. What I really feel. This is who I love. Maybe this is him literally saying that last year took a toll on him, that he travelled around the world and back again but he made it because of someone special next to him, someone who he hoped waited for him in the end (cue a direct shot of Jimin from the front), waited for him to maybe find himself and his path and then find each other

There are many speculations about this trip: that it was a birthday gift, that it was rescheduled due to leaking of information, what the room in the hotel they slept in looked like. But taking all of this aside and only taking in consideration the above mentioned, solid, impossible to disprove facts: This is the strongest ship moment in BTS to date. (In my very humble opinion)

Which leads me to my next point: Jungook and Jimin

I personally believe there is something between Jk&Jm. All of Bangtan are close with each other but these two just seem more intimate (romantically, don't take this the weird way or do but please do so respectfully). And if there truly is, I think they have been testing the waters and our reactions since spring/summer. There was BV and the very much discussed "Let's go baby", the Summer package and the suggestive Unicorn pics, 21c moments, The Tokyo trip and every moment after it. If there truly is something going on, it is honestly one of the greatest love stories. A story about growing up together different in a conservative and homophobic society, in a hard industry but finding in each other someone special, someone to rely on and call home. A story about the prevail of love, about coming of age and coming together.

But!!! If there is nothing between them and they are really simply friends, that is ok too. It is also ok if they are asexual or if they have secret girlfriends. It is also fine if they date other members of the group (though I would be very worried if my bf acts like this in front of me with my friend *cough* Vote for me, Jungkook; Jimin, please catch me *cough*). It is fine because ship wars are the dumbest thing ever. We are all firstly ARMYs. There is a fair amount of reaching in all ships (the hickey situation, jk dating iu secretly) but we should all try our best to stay leveled and civil. I get that maybe G.C.F was too big of a moment for some people of other ships and they may have felt threatened. Maybe that is what caused all the ugly incest comments or abusing of shippers. But in my opinion shipping should be taken lightly because it is far from the most important thing!

The most important thing is this: we don't know the sexuality of any of the boys and thus we should strive to let them know and make them feel supported and loved no matter what. They shouldn't have to see stupid ship wars on official videos and no member should be abused, threatened or offended! We should love each of them!

Lastly, with everything surrounding Jungkook at this moment:

It may turn out that our beloved bunny is not fully heterosexual (or at all) after all!

And we should fully love and support him no matter who he may be with!

We should also love each other, because first and foremost we are all part of this mostly wonderful fandom! The boys we stan are genuine and kind people and we ourselves should take after them!

That is all. Thank you for reading! Please feel free to talk to me but let's be gentle and civil with each other! There are no malicious thoughts behind this post just some personal opinions.

#jikook #kookmin #jungkook #jimin

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gohyuck · 8 years ago

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Sleepovers with NCT Dream

anon asked: Am I allowed to request sleepover/slumber parties with NCT Dream? Just somethin cute n fluffy

okay so i’m not sure if this is like each individual member or with the group as a whole so i did...both?

uh for each of them the other members aren’t present because just...assume that the specific member kicked them out for the night or they dont wanna bother member/reader haha

under the cut

mark

“fight me mark lee”

you regret the words like...as soon as they leave you because the moment you finish your sentence you get a face full of pillow

youd forgotten your clothes in the excitement of being able to sleepover at your boyfriend’s so long story short you’re decked out in one of his thinner t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants

moments before disaster (aka The Pillow) struck you’d been chilling out on the couch and you both were pigging out just watching tv or something

then mark decided to s t e a l a c h i p f r o m y o u r b o w l

you couldn’t just TAKE THAT

so yeah you mouth off and then get pillowed in the face and after the initial shock wears off you kinda just calmly get up and walk slowly towards the kitchen counter to put your food away so it doesnt spill

all the while mark is shaking in his boots the fear is BUILDING

because hes going over the scenarios of what you might do next in his head he doesnt notice you discretely picking up a pillow

he does feel it tho when you hit him upside the head with it

W A R ensues its like... Armageddon

until you pin mark down because hes laughing way too hard to fight back

“cry uncle” “NEVER” tickles him once “uNCLE”

he calls for a truce and you give him one with a warning about stealing food and hes like ok fine ill get my own chips next time and you guys resume watching the movie

his arms around you and youre just using him as a headrest/backrest and its overall a really soft time tbh

mark is really comfortable tbh

and you guys have been dating for a while (dream’s parents) so it’s just like a normal date, practically

its just really chill like you guys dont do much other than marathon movies and pillow fight and pig out

and make small talk

and steal kisses

playing random games like ispy or something just seems like a mark thing

planning future hang outs and dates lol

“hey on our next date im taking you out to dinner” “and a movie” “you bet” “mark i was kiddi-” “its my treat”

it gets late fast though (time flies when you’re having fun) and you notice this and look over to say that maybe you guys should sleep only to find your bf knocked out on the other side of the couch

again

you cant help but smile at the sight

he’s so overworked, you don’t have the heart to wake him up

instead you turn off the tv, put up all the foodstuffs and clean the area quickly, put the pillows up and lay a pillow out on the ground by the couch and find a blanket and then turn off the lights before lying down

when mark wakes up the next morning he wakes up before you and sighs before stepping over you lightly to brush and stuff and to pour cereal for the two of you (hes not even going to TRY to cook)

once you wake up hes like “why didnt you wake me i wouldve taken the floor” and youre just like “yeah thats why i didnt wake you” and he just shakes his head because he cant argue with you and honestly hes

kinda touched, just a little

you have to leave all too soon but you dont go before getting a goodbye kiss and a promise to have another sleepover very soon

just....soft..soft times

renjun

board game central

hes just

head in the game lolol (dont kill me for that joke)

monopoly? clue? sorry? you name it he’s got it like...this boy doesn’t play when it comes to board games

no pun intended

the first half of the night is just you guys playing random board games as best you can with just two people

and then he brings out the chess board

that’s when it gets bumpin tbh

by bumpin i mean you and your boyfriend nearly wring each others throats during the match...but with your minds...because neither of you are speaking you’re THAT concentrated

it’s.....2 hours long

and in the end you guys have to call a draw and like you sit back and just stare at each other blinking and eventually renjun speaks

and his voice is hoarse because neither of you have spoken in a while and the first thing he says (very matter-of-factly, too) is “i’m going to flip the board now”

and you just go “go ahead” hoarsely as well because you’re just in mild shock that nobody won that intense ass match

he flips the board and looks up and stares at you and you stare back and suddenly the two of you are crying of laughter like

majorly uncontrollable you’re just rolling on the floor wheezing

after you both calm down renjun goes to the kitchen to find something to eat and he’s like “it’s 1 in the morning oh my god we haven’t even eaten dinner what the heck” and that sends you into another fit of laughter

“wait but we still have to have like a pillow fight and watch dumb romcoms and horrors and stuff we have so much to do and so little time” “renjun we don’t have to do all the cliche sleepover stuff” “ok but consider this: itll be fun” “its like ass thirty in the morning though/??” “are you saying we cant do it because if so now we HAVE to do it” “...you get the pillows i’ll get the popcorn put the worst movie you can find into the dvd player”

after a few movies its like 5: 30 am and the two of you are still awake

“are you still up” “no are you” “no”

neither of you wants to be the first to fall asleep

competitive couple af

you guys start a two person game of truth or dare and it ends up getting mushy because for a truth renjun asks you like how you knew you wanted to date him

and you get serious and stuff (which he didn’t foresee he expected an answer like “well you look like moomin and like....i love moomin”) and you come at him with like “when i started noticing that your eyes sparkle when you sing and just how happy you make other people and how you love what you do and how-”

he attacks you with a massive hug because oh my god you’re so sweet he’s getting a cavity

“i like you a lot, you know” “i’d hope so i just ate like 90% of your snack stash renjun” “i take that back”

you guys are still awake when mark comes back to the dorm

when he gets out of the shower, however, is a different story - you and renjun are dead asleep while sitting on the couch, awkwardly wrapped around each other

a photoshoot courtesy of mark’s phone camera ensues

(mark goes to sleep to ice cubes in his pillow that night, courtesy of you and renjun)

jeno

king of planning

like he mentally knows everything that can and will go wrong and stuff and knows where the extra pillows and blankets are and is aware of what you’re gonna wanna do and just...he Knows

the first thing you guys do when you get to the dorm is bake brownies

he makes sure to take videos of the whole process and send them to the other members

jeno: guess what yall are missing out on ;) jisung: i hate this family

the kind of bf to try to feed you the brownies and get the food literally everywhere but your mouth

for as put together as he is you guys end up having brownies and ice cream for dinner lol neither of you can be bothered to cook dinner

“babe should we order out” “i mean you can if you want to” “...but jenoooo that means getting up and getting to my phone” “that’s what i thought”

has a cache of games and movies and shows

“take your pick”

you guys end up playing random card games like ERS or blackjack for a while

it honestly is never boring tho because you and jeno are just so comfortable with each other every moment is great no matter what you’re doing

i feel like jeno’s the kind of guy to call his SO a bunch of cute nicknames like he just wants you to know how cute he thinks you are and he does that thru nicknames

“love...” “babe...” “sweetheart...”

after a while though you run out of card games to play and jeno’s about to suggest watching something on tv when he sees your expression

“...what’s on your mind” “...we could mess with your members a little...” “prank calls?” “you know me so well”

within an hour the two of you have convinced yuta that aliens are real and can use cellphones and gotten taeyong to believe that “swag” is a polish swear word and that donghyuck needs to be punished whenever he says it

and jaemin thinks he’s being relentlessly contacted by clowns from a circus in the next town over who think that he’s stolen their tiny car

you guys pass more time just talking and stuff

and putting on songs and dancing to them it’s Good Fun

he makes you take his bed and sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag

you feel awful about it though so when you’re sure he asleep you go find the other sleeping bag and take your pillow and sleep beside him on the floor

he’s super shook when he wakes up but when he realizes that you didn’t want him to be lonely on the floor his smile is as bright as the sun

texts his friends for help on how to cook a nice breakfast

jeno: yo does anyone know how to make breakfast haechan: yeah jeno: cool what are the directions haechan: i didn’t say i’d give them to you

by this time you’re awake and just like “ok let me handle breakfast”

the two of you just end up eating plain rice and eggs (because you aren’t confident in your kitchen skills) and giggling over the crappy pictures you’re taking of each other eating

all in all the perfect date/sleepover

haechan

the moment you walk in the first thing that happens is that haechan pulls you into a hug

the second thing that happens is he holds you at an arm’s length, looks you straight in the eyes, and goes “we have to make a pillow fort”

you 100% agree it’s a necessity

after putting your bag down on the kitchen he basically drags you to the living room

the couch gets pushed back against the wall, the coffee table is moved to the side and chairs are moved back so there’s just a big floorspace directly in front of the tv

“let’s use four chairs as like pillars to hold up the blankets and bring all our food, phones, everything in so we don’t have to leave the fort the whole night” “i like the way you think.. we should go out some time, get to know each other better” “hyuck we’re dating”

i feel like haechan’s the type to be reserved with pda and stick to handholding (only sometimes, even then) because he’s embarrassed around the other members because they like teasing y’all

BUT when you guys are alone he’s totally different

like after the fort is finished and there are blankets above your heads and you’re both changed into makeshift pjs (just shorts and shirts tbh) and theres pillows around the fort’s perimeter and the tv is on he’ll like

grab whatever you’re currently eating and hold it up and whenever you lean over to reach it he’ll just lean back or move it just out of your reach again

“give it backkkk” “only if you kiss me” “...honestly i was going to do that anyways but now that you’re asking i don’t want to”

leaning into him and him closing his eyes because he expects a kiss and his arm naturally lowering lolol you grab the food and move back without even a peck on the cheek

a pouty haechan emerges

he wont talk to you again unless you kiss him and youre like ugh this big baby

but you dont wanna spend the whole night conversationless so you comply and he pulls you in

suddenly yall are rolling around in the fort laughing and having a play fight just cute af tbh

“hey hyuck we have approximately 9 hours before the other guys come back and i have to go and we have to sleep sometime so we basically have 3 hours to pull some amazing prank” “not to worry, sweetheart - i already have an idea”

and thats when you two set about to turn literally everything upside down in everyone’s rooms

it takes forever because he puts music on while you guys are working and you both end up ballroom dancing to michael jackson

once its done neither of you can breathe from laughing so hard

he makes a really quick dinner and the two of you eat it in the fort

while trading stories from the past couple weeks

“so you’re telling me she just...drank the entire cup of coffee after pouring two monster energies into it” “yeah she straight up chugged it i was in AWE”

all of this is done facing each other while holding hands on one side and eating with the other

“hey is that my shirt” “might be? i just found it in my drawers” “it’s definitely mine” “no wonder it’s so soft”

you guys fall asleep really late (or early, depending on how you look at it) because you spend so much time just TALKING

there’s 80s movies playing on the tv in the background

you fall asleep on your pillow but wake up like sideways using haechan’s chest as a footrest or something just...weird sleep position couple

the two of you wake up to confused exclamations from the other members

“hey maybe we should eat breakfast somewhere else so they don’t kill us for the upside downness” “get your keys i’ll grab money”

jaemin

buys a telescope just for your sleepover

“what’s the point of having a roof if you can’t climb on top of it and stargaze”

has you go up the stairs to the roof first so he can keep a steady hand on your back since the stairs are narrow

you guys have to make like three trips up and down from the roof before settling down

the first trip you guys set the telescope and blankets up and you go down because you need to go back and bring the food up

the second time is because you have to bring pillows up

the third time is because jaemin forgets his phone oops

its still kind of light out when you guys get up on the roof so you pass time by taking selfies and talking and stuff

its cold af outside and youre freezing despite your jacket so jaemin bundles the both of you up in a blanket (or 4)

“so the best time to watch the meteor shower is between midnight and dawn but we can just look at other cool spacey stuff before then” “why would i look at other stars when the brightest star is right in front of me” “that’s the cheesiest thing i’ve ever heard i’m breaking up with you” “aw jaemin you know you love me”

you have to stop him from trying to eat what is essentially just a whole bunch of tomatoes in rice paper in one bite

jaemin forgets to bring games up to the roof and hes too lazy to go downstairs and get anything

youre not bored anyways tho

once it gets darker you guys start pointing out some cool stars and constellations

“babe it’s orion’s belt” “nana look at that star, it looks so bright!” “almost as bright as you” “i already said that about you earlier, try again”

play fighting over the telescope

he lets you look first though

when the meteor shower starts you’re both in serious awe

“can you believe that we’re so small and just..tiny and pliable and insignificant in this universe and there are huge things like meteors just streaking through this vast space of nothingness and just wow” “i’m just glad i exist at the same time as you” “jaemin that’s...that’s not even corny or anything that’s just super cute i can’t even make fun of you for it” “it’s true, though”

both of you forget to take videos of the shower

because you’re just enthralled with the fact that the literal sky is like...on fire and shit

jaemin the type to press chaste kisses to your cheek and pull you ever closer to him at random intervals

Soft BF Alert

eating dinner while watching

he points at like every meteor and is like “look at it goooo”

“gotta go fast” “jae if it was possible to literally delete somebody i’d do that right now...blocked” “you love me”

sings under his breath and you record a vid of him doing it without him knowing because its so cute and just...hes so good at singing youre shook

once it starts getting really late and youre yawning and stuff hes like ok maybe we should go downstairs and sleep

it takes two trips to get everything back down to the dorm rip

at least jaemin doesnt forget his phone this time

once you guys get back neither of you can decide who gets the bed

“you can have it babe i sleep here everyday” “no way i cant do that to you, ill take the floor i practically live here its like home”

its wayyy too late to argue tho you both end up sharing the bed

overall an amazing date like???? meteor shower AND a sleepover with your bf in one night?

thats one successful night

chenle

theres an unspoken meme war between the two of you

like nobody really mentions it its there...looming...constantly...

meme war as in you guys constantly taken ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS pictures of each other and use them as reaction images

throughout the night each of you take/send pics of each other to the other dream members

“we should cuddle” “ok how do i know youre not gonna like...lick me or something for a picture of my expression” “you...well you dont but-”

you convince him to watch the ouija movies that are out

he makes it through them but like...

chenle’s either screaming throughout the whole movie or totally shell shocked and you’re just lol @ him

“this isn’t even that scary” “speak for yourself” “i am - come out from under the blanket babe i swear it’s not that scary”

after the movies he’s like “im never letting you choose what to do ever again ever” and you get him saying it on video for the Jokes

its his turn to choose

his immediate response is karaoke

chenle sets everything up for it while you order in dinner because lbr neither of you are looking up the directions to anything with cooking

he screams directly into the mic while youre on the phone to test it

(and takes a pic of your eyes going wide and you jumping a little bit)

“is everything alright on your side” “yeah just ...make that three orders of chicken im gonna be eating my woes away tonight”

chenle gets out the hoverboard and tries to teach you the dance moves to chewing gum

that quickly stops because you fall onto him

twice

within a span of four and a half minutes

nobodys there to roast though so you guys laugh as hard as you want

a lot of screaming

you love his laugh its so bright and happy just!!! wow

ngl since you started dating him his laugh kind of influenced yours so you laugh a lot louder than you did before chenle

when your food comes in youre too busy screaming lyrics to a song to get the door so chenle grabs the food

and tips the deliveryboy even more than he usually would

“you’re going to scare away the neighbors with that singing” “i’m surprised people still live here after you moved in chenle, dolphin sounding little-”

eating on the floor while facing each other

“close your mouth while chewing” “ok hon but to tell me that you spoke while eating” “listen, zhong chenle-”

having a staring contest

loser has to wash dishes

spoiler alert: you lose because he starts smiling and you cant stare straight at him when he smiles without smiling back and blinking really hard its like looking straight at the actual sun

hes super loving and cuddly so while youre washing dishes chenle backhugs you instead of cleaning up the karaoke equipment

“yah you’re sidetracking me” “we should dance instead of being boring and washing dishes like an old married couple” “you can dance while i’m being productive”

he does just that - tries to sidetrack you EVEN MORE by dancing ridiculously while you try to wash dishes

ends up in a soap and water fight

i feel like chenle would sleep a little earlier than the other guys so when youre done cleaning up your (late) dinner and hes done mopping the floor of the remnants of soap hes like maybe we should sleep

you agree because its almost like 1 am and youre tired too

pulling out a big family size sleeping bag in the middle of the living room floor and finding pillows

putting on light instrumental sleep music

waking up to chenle taking like a million pictures of your terrible bedhead and sending them to all of his friends

chenle’s just so fun to be around alfskjdk

jisung

ngl i feel like the night would start off just a little bit awk with jisung

like not awkward to where no conversation is being made awkward just more like small talk while sitting a good foot away from each other on the couch and friends is running on the tv in the background awkward

you get tired of that really fast tho

bc you and jisung have been best friends for a g e s it shouldnt be like this

so you bean him with a throw pillow

straight upside the head like hes an alarm clock that wont shut up

it takes him a second to react but once he does its chaos

he hits you back with like twice as much speed and power

suddenly both of you are on the floor fending for yourselves while trying to attack the other

you fight valiantly but hes just

so dang tall that eventually he grabs the weaponized pillow right out of your hand and holds it way high above your head

“checkmate” “...oh shut up :/”

after that though its a lot more comfortable like you settle into your usual pattern of relentlessly teasing each other

“lets put on mickey mouse cartoons jisung you’ll be able to relate” “are you even tall enough to see the tv” “not everyone can be a beansprout”

jisung pops popcorn for the movies and instead of eating it while watching the movie the two of you just throw kernels at each other and laugh at how dumb the other looks with popcorn in their hair

after a while jisung’s like “we should go out back there’s like... a singular tree and some grass and we can just chill” and you’re like well that’s new in the city so it’s a good opportunity so you agree

bringing a needle and thread outside so you can sew together flower crowns of leaves, grass, and dandelions

jisung leans against the tree while watching you make a mildly lopsided crown

he cant help but laugh when you put it on his head

“hold on im gonna take a picture” “do i look like a beautiful princess” “like a model, jisung, the prettiest princess ever” “will you be the frog to my princess?” “that’s the worst pick up line i’ve ever heard i’m considering taking back my flower crown”

you almost go inside after that but jisung’s like wait what about a flower crown for you

and you’re like oh i forgot i wasn’t really focusing on making one for myself haha

so jisung takes the needle and thread and makes you one

it’s not as pretty as the one that’s on his head but itll do

taking like 20 selfies together with the flower crowns before going back inside

after that he teaches you some of the nct dances

including stuff from the other subunits

“can you teach me taeil-ssi’s cheerleader dance from paju” “...this lesson is over”

jisung making rice and meat for dinner

you fry vegetables and try your hardest not to make anything explode

afterwards you’re lying down on the couch and he’s on the floor below you

the lights are out and its been a while since theyve been off

youre halfway asleep when

“i know youre my best friend but i think i want to date you”

aaaaand youre wide awake again

“wait, jisung, what?” “i thouGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP OH NO” “did i hear you correctly???” “im so sorry i’ll-” “i like you too you absolute idiot oh my god i cant believe neither of us said anything i-” “-move to cuba and change my name you’ll never have to hear from me again-” “-we are SO DUMB wow okay well we have to get together now its the next logical step-” “-and i’ll cut all connection off and. wait. wait, you like me back?” “-and. dude wait have you not been listening to me at all?? yes??”

and that kids is how you and jisung end up together

jisung texts all of his members before you both really do go to sleep (after an awkward hug and a massive bout of embarrassed laughter) that he finally confessed

you wake up to 89 texts and 2 missed calls

“taeyong says i have to keep you safe and make sure you eat three square meals a day” “is it disrespectful if i block my hyung and surrogate mother”

!! youre dating park jisung congr a t s

ALL OF NCT DREAM

you open the door immediately to hug bombardment by chenle and jaemin

mark closes it behind you (and shrugs apologetically) considering you cant because youre sandwiched in between the two other members

the first thing all of you do is eat because haechan’s made dinner (with, as jeno keeps reminding everyone, jeno’s help)

hc: all he did was heat the water jn: but it was necessary and helpful, wasn’t it

the second order of business is to push everything out of the way in the living room so the floorspace is entirely open

there are, after all, eight people there and its getting tight on the chairs

everyones just like eliminate the seating options and thats best - then everyone will just have to sit on the floor

you: so whats next rj: lets play monopoly everyone, collectively: NO mk: i still have nightmares from last time

jisung suggests twister and everyone (foolishly) agrees

jaemin calls out the colors and limbs and soon you find your left arm reaching over chenle’s right leg and your legs trapped under jisung’s torso

hc, monotonously but muffled as his face is somewhere under renjun’s right armpit: wow this is so wild

after that ends badly (mark nearly suffocates from jeno’s left foot being literally in his mouth) everyone agrees on never taking a suggestion from jisung again (including jisung)

you suggest a movie marathon and everyone throws pillows at you because that’s “basic”

jm: what about truth or dare jn: wow nana that’s actually a good idea jm: im going to ignore your tone and take it as a compliment anyways

truth or dare quickly causes everyone to become absolute messes because stuff like this happens -

you: renjun, truth or dare rj: truth you: so if you had to gently caress anyone here’s bellybutton, whose bellybutton would it be rj: i

mark and haechan and chenle can each barely breathe because theyre laughing too hard

meanwhile renjun’s mentally going through his brain files of everyone’s bellybuttons and ruing the day he was born, not necessarily in that order

jeno’s videotaping the entire game for future blackmail

hc: jisung if everyone here was a redwood tree who would you set on fire js: you hc: you..you couldnt have hesitated? for even just a secon d

jn: chenle go out in the street and yodel cl: you didnt even ask me truth or d- jn: do it

by the time truth or dare ends its pretty late but youre all way too hopped up on each others embarrassment and general having fun with friends to sleep

cl: karaoke? hc: karaoke. you: maybe karaoke will be our always

the noise level grows like exponentially once karaoke comes on

and it was already pretty freaking loud to start out with

mark’s halfway through a particularly soulful rendition of eminem’s lose yourself when you take a look at the clock

you: guys its almost 3 in the morning jm: sleep is for the WEAK js: chenle’s been knocked out for at least a half hour jm: exactly

mark and jeno move chenle onto the couch and put a blanket over him while you, haechan, and renjun set up sleeping bags and pillow and blankets on the living room floor

jaemin and jisung turn the music off and make sure the kitchen and everything is clean (and twister is put away)

you turn off the lights and lie down in the bag between mark and renjun

you: we should do this another time jm: minus the twister everyone: minus the twister

jeno wakes you up by stepping on your stomach the next morning while trying to escape renjun and his Pillow of Wrath

the pillow fight’s a little late but hey

8 am is better late than never

a quick breakfast is had while everyone takes turns brushing/showering/changing and it hits 10 am quicker than expected

everyones sad when you have to go back home but!! you all had fun and thats what counts

youre not surprised when mark texts the group chat later about hanging out again soon

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serendibidibidis · 7 years ago

Text

I’m lactose intolerant but this is really fucking cheesy…

Okay so in America it’s thanksgiving today & I’m gonna use that as an excuse to shower some amazing people with the love they deserve okay. (Also please don’t think like “oh I’m last on the list I’m the least fave..” Or something because I’m deadass doing this at random)

☆♡☆♡

@ssamdominic : so you may or may not know this but you follow me on one of my other blogs scandalous and as I was deciding if I should leave or not you sent in a requst / really nice ass message for me and you are the reason I didn’t leave that blog. You are the reason I still create content even when I doubt myself… I am forever grateful for you and I will always support you because you have always supported me. You seriously are such a sweetheart I can’t even put into words my love for you.

@8bityeol : god you are fucking great.. I love you so much OML you’re just great. Your content is high fucking quality. I always read your stories when I need to distract myself from life I always can rely on your work to make my life better. you’re also the biggest Angel ever. I mean seriously how are you so sweet? I just

@wonpillily : thank you for always letting me send you pics to increase your heart rate. I love that we share such beautiful content with each other and can fangirl together. I forever cherish you!! Not to mention the fact your humor is fucking priceless..

@brownpigment : even when we go months without talking we always can just come back and pick up like we’ve been talking non-stop. I mean you’re one of those people who it’s so easy to connect with and it’s such an honor to talk to you. And ugh your works are something I always look forward too. You can’t help but love them.

@forvictorymyeverything : don’t even get me started. You seriously are my fave. I just i have no words. I love everything you do. I love your existence. I always feel so honored whenever you tag me (even when it’s on fucking biases) I just i feel like we’re in two different classes (you obviously being high class) and then you’re just like ‘let me *an angel tag this peasent (that is I) because I’m deadass just great and I love making peasants feel valuable’

@ludeere : literally as I’m typing this you’re sending me the nicest messages and I’m sobbing you’re an amazing writer please never give up on that. You seriously are so talented and pure and I just I’m really sorry I never came across your blog sooner because I’ve been missing out. You seriously just wow.. Your works blow me away & yeah I’m already an emotional wreck but holy shit they make me so emotional I just can’t function.. Like?! I literally read the Simon as your bf one and was full out ugly crying and that was a cute scenario like don’t get me started on the angst.

@day6ibnida : HOLY SHIT you’re SO TALENTED LIKE YOU LITERALLY DRAW SO BEAUTIFULLY AND I CAN’T HANDLE IT. We haven’t talked in a while because we’ve both been so busy.. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself.. Honestly I hope you decide to sell your art someday so I can buy it. Because I need that in my life. I want your drawings tattooed on me. Like they’re so great. I can’t wait to talk to you and catch up on everything..

@tinytaehyun : you believed in me when so many others didn’t. You gave me a chance when others were against it. You push me to go out of my comfort zone as a writer and I can never thank you enough for that. You don’t know how much our conversations mean to me. My whole day is made when I see you’ve responded. Time zones fucking suck but I’d stay up all night to hear about how things are going. I’m so proud of you for everything you’ve gone through and over come. #proudmom

@mybrainsamess : I haven’t really known you too long. But I am so glad I met you. Honestly you have brightened my week since I met you. I am extremely excited to get to know you even more.. you’re far too good for this work and I hope that you always have a smile on your face. (Also I just realized your url I thought it was like 'my brain Sam ess’ and I’m just over here like is that forgien or something?)

@thecoolmrsokamura15 my lovely Peach 🍑 I am so very sorry at how bad I am at responding to you. You deserve better. I will try harder to respond to you and not be a shitty friend… but I am so thankful for you. You we’re the first kpop friend I made that made me feel welcomed… I felt accepted and that I could be honest and not be be judged. You made me feel like I belong.. i can’t thank you enough.

@soul-less23 : where do I even start with you?! You are absolutely stunning, your work puts me to tears it’s so beautiful. you’re such a kind soul. I don’t know how but you’ve helped me get over my anxiety with driving. You are seriously such an Angel I don’t even have words. Minus the fact we have a conversation about dead cats rn

Y'all literally mean the world to me and I love you so much. Like all of you are just the best. I’m so lucky to have met you.

Also I want to thank a few people who I’ve noticed in my notifs a lot lately.

@pendulumandthepoet , @foodie-for-life , @thatartsyfreak , @akr2001 , @brownskinnedbeautie I want to thank you all for the constant love and support you give my blog. I hope you know that just because I don’t know you doesn’t mean I don’t notice you and care for you. I look forward to what my future brings thanks to you, I feel like I could update paint drying and you would still support my page. Please stay healthy and happy.

#these are just some angels #and i love them #more rhan anything in the world #im so thankful for them #theyre all eorthy od so much more than what i can offer #thsnks for being alive #i love ykh

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ptomlins · 8 years ago

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sugar you’re right on time

sweet silly little taz fic, magcretia, taagnus, blupjeans, implied davenchurch, they’re all at least a little tipsy so alcohol cw if that bothers you, also decent amount of references to sexytimes but no actual sex is had

The stars are unnaturally bright on this plane, Magnus thinks, as he rolls his face to the sky and begs for patience. The night is cool, but there’s more than one fire going and no shortage of drink, so they’re all a little warm and a little giddy. This is one of the good cycles, where the locals are friendly and yesterday they found the Light after months of coordinated searching, and tonight they’re celebrating.

Dinner had given way to stories and stories had given way to songs, and now someone is trying to teach them a local style of dance, and it’s sort of a waltz, maybe, but there’s more steps and turns and ok, so maybe it’s not like a waltz at all? All Magnus knows is that instead of following the instructions of their hosts with any sort of competence or grace, he keeps tripping over his own feet and almost falling on Lucretia, who is valiantly attempting to partner him and quite literally breathless from laughter at this point.

“This is so much harder than it looks!” he insists to anyone who will listen, really, but no one is.

“You are thinking about it too much!” the instructor tells him. “Less thinking, more feeling!”

There’s renewed giggling from behind him, where Taako and Merle are drinking what looks like martinis together on a bench near the fire and steadfastly observing his humiliation.

“Magnus Burnsides, accused of overthinking!” Taako crows, nudging Merle who is nearly crying with laughter. He spills a bit of his drink down his beard. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“We can stop, if you’d like,” Lucretia assures him. Her eyes are bright and the fire is painting shapes of shadow and light across her cheekbones and her wide wide smile is still one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen..

“Do you want to stop?” he asks.

“Not particularly,” she tells him, coy and teasing as she is more and more often these days. At least, more often with him. He hopes it’s mostly with him. “But I’d so hate to see you hurt yourself for my sake.”

There is renewed laughter from the bench by the fire.

“I hate all of you,” Magnus says good-naturedly. “I am a fighter, not a dancer.”

“And I’m a wizard, but at least I have rhythm,” Taako calls back.

“Big talk from the peanut gallery!” Magnus says, and tries to lead Lucretia into a spin. They both end up on the ground, fortunately with Lucretia on top.

“Oh, for goodness sake,” Magnus hears Taako mutter, “Merle, hold my drink.”

“Are you ok?” he asks Lucretia, who pats his chest fondly.

“You’re trying very hard,” she says, her voice thick with barely-contained mirth. “I appreciate the effort.”

Taako is suddenly standing over them both. “Your girlfriend deserves better, Burnsides, I hope you know that.”

“Are you here to save me?” Lucretia asks, propping her chin on her palm in a bored sort of way, like she uses Magnus as a chaise lounge all the time.

Actually, that isn’t entirely inaccurate, when Magnus stops to think about it.

“If I must I must,” Taako sighs, offering a hand, which Lucretia takes.

“My hero,” she deadpans, as he pulls her to her feet. Magnus makes a great show of being winded when she leverages herself off his stomach and she grins down at him.

“As your boyfriend’s boyfriend,” Taako says, “I’m pretty sure it’s in my duties somewhere that I make sure he doesn’t accidentally maim you.”

“Oh, I wasn’t aware there was a guidebook,” Lucretia says. “Or a rulebook? Is this a metaphorical list of duties or did you actually draw up a document?”

Taako snorts. “Fuck that noise, and anyway you’re the one with the writing fetish, Miss Watch-Me-Use-These-Pens-With-Both-Hands.” He frowns, a thought occurring. “Does that do anything for you in the bedroom?”

“You’re disgusting,” she tells him amicably.

He shrugs. “Hey, I mean, our Magnus Burnsides timeshare aside, you’re like, practically an honorary sister, gotta make sure you’re happily kept and all that.”

“I assure you I am anything but kept,” she says. “Also, would that make us sister wives, or...?”

“Now who’s disgusting,” he says, but he says it like he’s proud of her, and gods above, they really are rubbing off on one another. Magnus realizes not for the first time that between the two of them, he’s in way, way over his head.

It’s not a bad place to be, all things considered.

Taako sighs dramatically. “And here I thought you were the civilizing influence in this relationship.”

“Oh, I am,” Lucretia says. “Are you sure you can dance in those heels?”

“Please.”

They leave Magnus on the ground, and within only a few minutes and a little bit of trial and error, they’re moving in tandem almost flawlessly despite the dark and the uneven terrain. Magnus is not jealous.

He props himself up on his elbows and tries his best to look peeved when they glance his direction, but it’s less than effective seeing as he can’t stop grinning. Sure of his audience, Taako leans in to whisper something to Lucretia and then in the next moment, dips her with all the theatrics he can muster. Magnus appreciates the miniature fireworks, they’re a nice touch. The two pause for effect, silhouetted against the firelight and the sparks.

These two, he thinks. He leans forward, laughing. “Ok, it’s not fair if you already know how to dance!” he yells.

They right themselves, and Taako sticks his tongue out at him. Lucretia waves cheekily.

“That’s not even the dance they were teaching us!” Magnus yells again, but they’re back to twirling, wild and carefree, and the crowd of other dancers soon swallows them up.

Pleased despite his loss, Magnus shakes his head and brushes himself off and makes his way over to Merle who hands him Taako’s half-finished drink.

“You know,” Merle says, “It’s a damn good thing they like you, cuz they could probably eat you alive.”

“What’s in this?” Magnus asks, ignoring him.

“Hell if I know,” Merle says, knocking back his own drink. “I’m going to dance.”

Magnus knows better, he does, but he takes a tentative sip of Taako’s drink anyway, and oh fuck, yeah, that’s--that’s some straight liquor there. He sets the glass down on the bench next to Merle’s empty one and goes in search of something more like cider and less like paint thinner.

The search goes less well than he had hoped.

Eventually, he finds Lup and Barry cuddled up next to one of the smaller fires and decides that’s good enough.

“Luuuup,” he whines, throwing himself down to starfish next to her in the grass. “Taako and Lucretia are ganging up on meeeeee...”

“And how is that my problem, Burnsides,” she says, looking down at him.

“Poor Magnus,” Barry says, peering around her. “What did you do?”

“I can’t dance.”

“Oh, is that all.”

“I can’t dance and they’re both going to leave me for each other.”

Lup makes a horrified face at the thought and Barry chokes on a laugh. “I can think of several reasons why that is categorically untrue.”

“Gods, can you imagine?” Lup says, shuddering for effect.

“I’d really rather not try,” Barry says. “Magnus, they both love you very much, I’m sure they will forgive you for being a bad dancer.”

“Thanks Barry, you’re my favorite.”

Lup punches him in the stomach.

“Hey, hey, hands of the goods! I’d like him less bruised, not more,” Taako’s voice floats over from not too far off. Magnus uncurls himself from the fetal position to raise his head and sure enough, Taako and Lucretia are making their way over to their small fire.

“Why are you all here, I just wanted a nice private makeout sesh with my bf, please go away,” Lup says. Taako cheerily flips her off and sits down.

“This is our fire now, go be gross somewhere else.”

Lup flicks at her brother’s ear and he dodges it. “Excuse you,” she says, “We got here first, go find your own fire.”

“There’s more of us,” Taako says as Lucretia sits down too. “Also I used up all of my energy dancing, I am incapable of movement for the next forever, sorry not sorry.”

Lup makes a face at him, which he mimics before giving his attention over to Magnus. “Where’d you go, big guy, we weren’t done showing off,” he says.

Magnus sits up and throws an arm around him. “Thought I’d give you guys some privacy to gossip about me.”

“Please, we do that in front of you,” Lucretia says, tugging at Magnus’s other arm and draping it over her shoulders when he raises it obligingly.

Taako leans in. “Yeah, it’s only fun to tease you when we can see your face while we’re doing it.”

“He’s worried you’re going to leave him for each other,” Barry supplies helpfully. Magnus can feel both of them freeze on either side of him.

“Barry, I take back what I said about you being my favorite.”

“Dibs!” calls Lup.

“Maggie,” says Taako. “Maggie Maggie Maggie Maggie Maggie.”

Magnus sighs. “I was being dramatic--!”

“Magnus,” Lucretia says, tone deadly serious, “The day Taako and I get together is the day the Hunger wins, don’t you realize? We can’t risk it. Existence as we know it would literally end.”

She can’t keep the grin off of her face towards the end of the sentence, and it’s contagious, and soon they’re all giggling at one another. Lup mutters something at them about getting a room. The fire is warm and stars above are as bright as ever.

And it’s nice.

“You’re both jerks and I don’t know why I like you,” Magnus says easily, once they’ve all calmed a bit.

“Lies,” Taako says, dropping his head against Magnus’s shoulder. Lucretia wiggles closer and nuzzles into his clavicle, humming her agreement.

“Yeah,” Magnus concedes.

“Seriously though, if we’re overdoing it on the teasing--”

Magnus rolls his eyes. “It was a joke, it was only a joke, and I’m going to murder Barry in his sleep.”

“Don’t make me haunt you, Burnsides.”

Lup stands up and makes a show of brushing the grass off of her robe. “Alright you lovebirds, this has been a blast, but we’re turning in. Magnus, no killing my boyfriend,” she says, raising her eyebrows in a significant and mildly threatening manner as she holds his gaze. Magnus smiles innocently up at her until Barry walks over to join her and takes her hand. “Oh, and uh, take your time coming back to the ship, just sayin’.”

They turn to go. “Wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Taako says, without lifting his head from Magnus’s shoulder.

Lup stops. “Why not.”

“Because we saw Merle dragging Cap’n’port that direction on our way over here,” Taako says.

Lups eyes go wide. “Gods DAMMIT.”

“Oh, no,” Barry says.

“Can we just sleep out here tonight? I vote we sleep out here tonight,” Magnus declares.

“Ugh,” says Lup. “How’s a girl supposed to get her freak on with all you cockblockers being gross everywhere.”

“Too much information, thanks for sharing,” Taako deadpans loudly.

“C’mon,” Barry says, tugging Lup gently by the hand. “Maybe we can bribe someone to lend us a cabin.”

She lets herself be led away. “You all suck!” she calls over her shoulder.

There’s a beat, and then: “Hmm. Well, not at the moment,” Lucretia mumbles into Magnus’s shirt.

The resulting fit of laughter doesn’t end for quite some time.

#taz balance #magcretia #taagnus #magnus burnsides #taako #lucretia #blupjeans #the adventure zone #this got away from me #my fic #title from oh honey's sugar you #hush ptomlin #pt writes fic

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tumblunni · 8 years ago

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Man I had a very weird dream that was half nightmare and half good? Luckily I was able to semi lucid dream myself out of the nightmare bit. Literally just remembered it was my birthday and was like "NOT TODAY BITCHES" *snaps wide awake and hella confused"

Anyway! The dream!

It was one of those ones where I have a framing device before the actual dream? Like often I'm me and I walk into a bookstore and I read a book that has the plot of the actual dream. Or sometimes i even dream I'm going to bed and then dreaming??

The framing device this time was like FLASHBACK NIGHTMARE DEATH. For some season I was at some sort of summer camp run by my mum?? I mean summer camps don't even exist in my country! I think it was just cos (for some reason) it was set in my grandma's house instead, and we used to drive out and stay with her for a few weeks in the summer. Anyway I was at my grandma's house but my abusive mum was there instead and also so was 30 or so stranger kids who were apparently camp students or whatever. And I was stuck with my abusive mum for precisely one month and also got bullied by everyone and she would support it all and just AAAA

And for some reason there was a recurring element of the top floor of the house being under construction forever. It was just a bunch of support beams for a floor, and then in the middle was All My Valuable Things In Life. Somehow I had to shimmy across these beams that might not even support my weight, and get over my fear of heights, and I was convinced when I made it to the treasure chest in the middle I would get back every part of my psyche that this woman broke during my childhood. Also my cat.

But then weirdly it turned into another dream and it didn't even segue very well. Just one second I'm on the rafters and as soon as I'm just about to reach the treasure chest I'm now somebody else in a different dream.

Now it was some sort of pilot episode for a TV show? I was the cliche shonen hero and then I had some younger sidekick who was far wiser than me and played straight man to my zany antics. Also we were kinda in ancient China but an anachronistic steampink version or something?

The plot started off when we were in a bookstore and I bought some sort of super legendary book? There was a sword sheath attached to a book like a bookmark, and then the chosen one could draw it out and a giant bfs would come out, made of words. It was awesome!

And the book itself was like an origin story of the original hero who first had this sword, and a manual on how to use it. But it was all in another language so we were stumped. This led to THE FUNNIEST PART OF THE DREAM

"Oh yeah there was an English copy over there. Cheaper too. but it didn't have a cool sword in it."

And while our backs were turned, a villain had grabbed that other book and run off with it, so now we're stuck with this.

And then it was just like slice of life villain of the week stuff as we tried to find the guy who took the translated book, and tried to learn how to use the sword along the way. And also wondered why we were talking English in China anyway???

I just recall there were a lot of jokes about the hero character not taking their destiny seriously, and using the sword as a fishing rod and etc. Or one moment where it was like "hey where's the sword??" "Oh that cat has it." *just watches as it runs away* They knew my one weakness: cute aminals!!

But generally it was just fun and funny and charming and kinda like Asterix and Obelix? It was great.

BUT THEN WE SUDDENLY WENT BACK TO THE FRAMING DEVJCE DREAM

And it was me trying to run away and mum trying to force me into staying. And there was some sort of weird party with a hundred faceless people? I guess they represented all the family members I was never even able to meet and now will never get to know. I think I was scanning the crowd in fear that Nana would be among them.. Like I know she was the only one who loved me back then but would she hate who I'd grown up to be? Also for some reason all the tablecloths were all the unused fabric from my various failed sewing projects over the years, as if to taunt me :<

So mum tried to shame me in front of this faceless terrifying crowd of All The People Ever. She was all 'oh I'm so in pain, my terrible disobedient daughter is abusing me by leaving, and telling these horrible horrible lies'. And everyone just bought it and wouldn't listen to me explaining and it was just terrifying! I or member I said something like "you're propping up this cardboard version of me to make yourself look right" which was kind of a cool line

And then what really stabbed me in my heart is that suddenly the sidekick kid from the other dream was sitting there at the table, and was like 'I thought you were a good person, how could you do this'.

I felt as betrayed as if one of my real friends had said this, I wasn't lucid enough in the dream to realise they were a fictional character who was just saying my own insecurities out loud.

So I was crying and desperately trying to defend myself to this kid. Not just because I didn't want to lose a friend, but because of this HUGE SPIKE OF FEAR that this kid might get mistreated by their own parents if they're being indoctrinated into this shit. They were like 'but you have to listen to your mum no matter what' and I could feel that the dream was ending so I was desperately trying to get the words out through my tears. "No! Kid! If an adult hurts you, you have to go to a policeman! No matter who it is!"

Which in retrospect was shitty advice cos the only time police ever got involved with my mum, they all agreed that I was just lying and wasting their time and just left without helping at all. Its child services, school counsellors and homeless shelters for abused teens that actually helped me escape. But I was panicking in the dream and couldn't think of the right words. *sigh*

I hope dream kid is okay and they got to reincarnate in a better dream or something. I'd hate to think that the things I imagine stop existing when I wake up. I mean on one hand that's terrifying cos it means all my nightmares are still there waiting for me! Maybe this mindset is why I get recurring ones so often?? But I mean its worth it to know all the rare nice characters I met in my dreams are all off somewhere together living their lives. They need a reward for being kind to me in a cold uncaring brain universe of anxious shit!

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