#we were each other's safety
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I showed my roommate the super old videos of my friends and I from high school that are still on YouTube. I've been In My Feels since last night.
#I miss them so much#we were each other's safety#we were goofy and didn't give a fuck#anyone could hang with us as long as they were chill#we sang silly songs in the halls#we made a montage music video for one of our sweet sixteens#we danced in the gazebo her dad built in the back yard#we had anime watch parties#we watched silly internet videos and laughed until we couldn't breathe#we went to conventions together#gods I miss them
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having a normal one watching Bdubs lim life tonight and thinking about how when Bdubs betrayed Tango in last life, Skizz told Tango that for the sake of team best he had to go and forgive him.
But when Bdubs boogey kills Skizz in lim life before team ties is even really formed, Skizz is allowed to have it out for Bdubs for almost the entire first half of the season, even when the clockers ally with them and it would've been easier to let sleeping dogs lie.
Tango, the perpetually extraneous and undervalued member of his alliances...the too often shoved aside and betrayed...being told it was his duty to the team to forgive bdubs and move on....
But no one—especially not Tango—tried to tell Skizz to let it go.
#and like. now im thinking about how no one is ever really ride or die for tango. ever#people are allied with him but no one PRIORITIZES him#as a team rancher fan myself id be tempted to argue Jimmy is but you can just as easily point to how that was in a way self serving#and I dont just mean with the soulmate mechanic so worrying about tango was worrying about himself for jimmy#but i mean it in the way of jimmy was so worried about tango because#jimmy was worried about HIMSELF being the thing that hindered him and dragged him down#whihc is not to say that jimmy didnt also worry about tango#but it is to say that the dl rule set played heavily on jimmys insecurities and fears#he was most of the time worried about himself. YES because of how that affected tango. but also because it served his guilt complex#and so his intentions were colored by that as someone whos incredibly willing to make himself the problem whenevr he sees fit#whihc is again nothing on him hes my fave ya know i love the guy#i just mean even in double life where by design it shouldve happened tango wasnt made anyones top priority#not in the way that we come to see it across many other pairs. not in the obsessive worrying about his safety#or just in the general Being Weird About Each Other Way#sure you could argue skizz and tango last life...tango was for a while skizzs priority—until skizz shifted his sights to team best#even when team best wasnt giving their all backt o him that was skizzs focus#and if tango were really his priority over the wellbeing of the team such as it was for bdubs and etho#skizz wouldnt have tried to make tango forgive bdubs after he was betrayed#skizz wouldnt have kept asking tango to give more and more to a team he got little if not nothing out of over and over.....just#GAH! NO ONES EVER DEVOTED TO TANGO!!! NO ONE EVER CHOOSES TANGO TO BE THEIR //PERSON// THEIR. HES NEVER SOMEONES TOP PRIORITY#again im nto saying teh ranchers werent devoted to each other you know i love them more than anything in the whole world#i just mean. not in exactly the way i mean....#and not completely when jimmy was so (understadnably) preoccupied with trying not to carry on his curse again#especially while attached to someone else#worm says
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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Darrow going after sevro despite the fact that he knows it’s most likely a suicide mission…sevro staying in the vents despite the fact that he could steal a ship and save himself because he knows Darrow will come for him and he can’t let him walk into that trap…
#red rising#light bringer#light bringer spoilers#darrow of lykos#sevro au barca#what if we were best friends and I would go to the ends of the earth for you because I know you would do the same for me#what if the love we had for one another would allow me to put aside my own personal safety without second thought#what if the faith we had in each other was so complete that no disagreement would lead me to doubt you for a single second#what then
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r/v + matching outfits.
#what if we never did anything about our potential romance and we didn't get married but we were visual and auditory mirrors to each other <3#what if we lived together and i subconsciously started adopting your habits because we're in such intimate quarters all the time#wouldn't that be silly ?#and that it goes both ways... top gif he's dressing like her; bottom gif she's dressing like him....#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure,miss winters.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#gifs.#the way they're always matching when it bears symbolic weight about their allegiance...#vicki allying with roger to go accuse burke of messing with the brake cylinder as one of The Collins Household;#the matching dressing gowns the morning that he asks her on an actual date where she; again; helps him and furthers his goals;#and MOST importantly the two instances of wearing *very* similar clothes when laura shows up;#that they are a team – for david's safety – that they are a unit separate to laura.
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God I fucking love mixed weapon fighting so much, just being able to go at it with the thing you're most comfortable with against someone else using the thing they're most comfortable with is so cool and awesome, coming up with strategies to a weapon set you don't use and testing them against someone doing the same, it's so rad tbh
Makes me sad that so many places I've fought in regard it as like, an afterthought at best
#I get it there's rules and safety concerns#but idk man not to tempt fate or anything but my buddies and I have been sparring mixed weapon ever since we started sparring#and not only have we been having a blast exploiting each others weaknesses but we've also like#barely ever injured each other at all#like I think worst we had was my buddy got a small cut on his cheek the first time I tried to fight with a staff#and that was on like#the second year we were sparring I think?#something like that but we've been going for half a decade now lmao#and it's been so fun I love it#edit: God no almost a full decade now what the fuck where does the time go lmao#Pun's text Posts
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anyway i was gonna make a big long post about this but its 1:30am and im tired lmao. so has anyone noticed the insane similarities between all this anti-transmasc stuff and the entire aspec exclusionist movement or is that just me on my aroace trans dude shit
like. i dunno. the misconstruing of the concepts of transandromisia and aphobia in general being made out to “oppress other identities”, or just the downplaying / dismissal of our group-specific issues altogether, or insisting that these specific issues are just the results of some broader, equally shitty concept, or saying that we have “privilege” comparable to majority groups (cis men, straight people) despite being excluded / ridiculed / persecuted by those same groups, or the fact that when we talk about these issues were reduced to like “whiny little white teenage uwu tumblr blogger” instead of taken seriously, or that while real people in our communities are getting hurt or killed people are focusing on whether the terms we use are #unproblematic enough instead
idk is that just me? am i hallucinating or am i experiencing the 2018 exclusionist movement all over again except make it #trans
#transgender#trans#ftm#transmasculine#transmasc#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbt+#transphobia#transandrophobia#are you people fucking hearing yourselves#people who call us ‘transandrophobia truthers’ are the same people who say `its just transphobia`#ok so instead of addressing the transphobia youre making fun of us for saying its a specialized form of transphobia#newsflash fuckheads ‘transmisandry’ or ‘transandrophobia’ or ‘anti-transmasculinity’ or whatever the fuck#can peacefully coexist with the concept of transmisogyny!!!#because they are not nor ever were exact mirrors of each other!!!#sure ok there is no systematic androphobia so you cry out ‘theres no intersection!!11!!!1!11!!’#but let me ask you why THATS what matters to you rather than. like. real peoples safety lmao?#trans men and cis men are the same gender but that does NOT mean we exist in the same all-male vacuum#my experiences will NEVER be those of a cis mans#society does NOT cater to me NOR does it cater to any other trans people#and if you have to insist its cause of cis passing privilege then shut up and listen to yourself#cis passing privilege? you mean if i tell anyone im trans its immediately gonna go the fuck away?#you mean i only get that privilege while im in the closet? you mean i have to hide an aspect of myself to be treated the same as a cis man?#and do NOT construe that shit with me saying trans women have male privilege#i am fully fucking aware that trans women dont have male privilege im fully aware of how often trans women are attacked#but these two things are NOT mutually exclusive and im so fucking tired of people acting like it IS#you people have actually fucking managed to find a woke version of transphobia im absolutely astonished. appalling. horrible job#my post#dave speaks
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something that really sucks about prolonged loneliness is feeling so desperate for emotional intimacy and then also so closed off to it because you're used to the isolation. it's an exhausting circular pattern and i hate it.
#eh.txt#i feel like i keep saying i'm having a hard week#and the truth is i've just been having such a hard time since the end of last summer#i really just feel so broken down and vulnerable and alone and just tired from that#i hope someday i can feel genuine love and support and safety#bc right now all of that is just so far away from me and i just have to cry about it before bed all the time#anyway#big hugs to anyone else feeling that i wish we were close in distance so we could support each other#it's so hard
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I openly use it/its alongside they/he in a queer org i help run irl. Since i figure if im open abt that other people will be less nervous abt asking people to use it/its or neopronouns and shit like that. And i wasnt really expecting people to use it for me, since lotsa people arent comfortable w that and i had other options. And let me tell ya how cool it is to see a newer member show up and just go ‘oh im like you, i use he/it!” And see one of my fellow exec, in a message where she had exactly one pronoun referring to me, use it. Its so fucking nice, let me tell you, i love being Vocally Queer :]
#esp since im in a position with Slightly More Influence (exec member)#i can make sure we’re like. being cool abt Weird Queer People like me who use unusual pronouns#and contradictory/lesser known labels#and i just Love being in a space thats so unabashedly accepting of everyone and anyone#and also having a roommate who’se also queer and each of us knowing we can talk to each other abt this sort of shit. its nice#there wasnt this level of security w the community at my high school bc we were all agencyless teenagers walking a thin line of visibility#and safety. but now im in college and an adult and people are going out of their way to find and support each other#god i dont know what id do if i didnt have this. have people like this#theres some kind of poetry i could write here. abt community and acceptance and the whole concept of pride#but im not much of a poet so ill just. do my part to help keep this legacy going for the people who show up next year#sev rambles
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#I think the point that people overlook sometimes when talking about how azicrowley 'doesen't communicate' is that they actually do#they communicate PRETTY GREAT for the place they were their whole lifes#they communicate really good for two agents from different sides who shouldn't trust each other but still willing to try#for two beings that can be monitored constantly and dragged to literall hell torture or heavenly court for the crime of merely talking#they also isinely good at straing away from their sides propaganda#I wan't to point at Aziraphale specifically#like people can spend their whole lifes blinded by church propaganda#and we talk about someone who LITERALLY WAS GOD#WHO TALKED WITH GOD#WHO KNOWS THAT HEAVENS AND HELL AND GREAT PLAN — IT'S ALL REAL#can you IMAGINE what kind of intelligence curiosity openmindness and stubborness you need to even entertain the notion that your side may b#not right all the time??#and how brave and recless you need to be to step even a little outside of your side 'safety' when you SAW what happens to bad angels and yo#it's literally can be you! one wrong move and you're going to hell!! people heal from this thinking for YEARS in therapy and he's alone wit#LITERAL DEMON (who says that he doesen't have inside motives for this??) for company#and he know that the hell is a real place!!! he pass it every time he goes for office!! can you IMAGINE what it do for a mind#because I'm sure can't!#like he's actually coping INSINETLY good! all his nervous ticks and smiles and anxieties and double standarts and tendency#to lie and repress — it's all coping!! and it works!! since he still alive sane and friends with Crowley it WORKS#oh he's not (they both not) a paragon of mental health and proper communication? well#there's a possibility he's never would be#like you get it right? when your mentality so wrapped around survivng this one specific thing it stays with you! I'll be happy if they both#become more in peace and starts talking beforemaking assumptions but tbh they never will be 'normal' and that's okay!#because they makes it work! that's why their relationship so beautiful!!
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I know the Land of Wa gate is positively glutted with transients, but still, where's my babygirl Kajiwara Kagetoki?
"Defected from the Taira" Kagetoki. "Got jealous over and offended by a dude nearly twenty years his junior" Kagetoki. "Slandered his lord's younger brother to death" Kagetoki. "His lord's mind-reader and mouthpiece and right hand man and most trusted adviser" Kagetoki. "Was slandered to death in turn after Yoritomo dies" Kagetoki.
I think Yoritomo's 5-star Research File vaguely alludes to him (? see below, emphasis mine), but neither Yoritomo nor Oniwaka mention him so he probably doesn't exist in Housamo lore. But what if he did! Imagine the antics and hilarity they could get up to! (And the angst too but I think the antics would be funnier.) LW where's my lore!!!
"Doesn't get along well with those who have a wild disposition or are prone to deep jealousy [...]"
#housamo#i really need him and yasuhira and noriyori and especially yoshinaka to be in housamo#shizuka i've lost hope for considering the rate they add women in. but the guys???#yasuhira and noriyori i can take it or leave it but kagetoki??? the guy literally pinned with yoshitsune's downfall???#again housamo doesn't take cues from gikeiki but we could have gotten a yoshitsune who used to get along with yoshinaka as a teenagers!!!#they'd ask after each other and were concerned with each other's safety!!! (i mean it's probably an embellishment but i dig it)#c'mon where's the trifecta of genji powerhouses. that eventually falls to infighting and betrayal#yoshinaka and yoritomo used to be on ok terms too. where's that delicious angst#c'mon it's not fair for oniwaka to be the only one with a personal grudge against him. or for yoshi to be the only one who looked up to him#other characters pick up the slack
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I'm in so much pain it's embarrassing. I'm going to look back on these memories of me writhing alone too afraid to sleep biting my knuckles crying about nothing and laugh.
#It's not nothing but it kind of breaks the rhythm and sound repetition to rephrase it as ptsd nightmares dunnit#Okay so the good thing is I am no longer emotionally constipated.#The bad thing is now I can cry and also I haven't felt joy and safety in forever 😐😐#You'd think work would distract me but no! Just sitting in barn staring at horses biting each other and thinking holy shit I'm depressed#I'm so broken that while I was crying last night I felt an urge to go to my parents' room and cry to them#Like holy shit what is wrong with me#No amount of possible comfort from my dad is worth the screaming and disgust from my mom#We had a 'talk' about my mental health aka me avoiding the subject entirely and them going yep you are fine and also you're disgusting#Shave your legs you're making everybody sick and that's why you have no friends#But I did bring up the possibility of me needing to see a psychiatrist#Because of you know the ptsd#But as always they were like 'you were at that school for three months cmon it couldn't have changed your life'#Woman. Sir. I was 12 my brain was still new and I was just gaining sentience#And as soon as I became my own person I get held to a chair and beaten up like in a fuckin gangster movie#Forced to get naked in a room with hateful little girls laughing at me for getting beat up#Who all think I'm a dangerous predator lesbian who's going to kidnap them despite being 12 and 4'8 and#those little girls talked about how they wish their hot stepbrothers would touch them#But I was the predator because I had short hair :(( ?????#It's always my fault for getting beaten up and my fault for people wanting me dead and being disgusted with my existence#I was beaten up because I was annoying I was s/a'd because I was ugly I was abandoned because I was and am repulsive#Man#Fuck the guy who said he would rescue me from this and didn't. I'm not just magically not being abused now that I don't talk to you anymore#In fact it's so much worse enduring abuse when you don't have any friends to talk with or escape to isn't it!!! That's weird huh!!!!!!
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the way some shops and restaurants have completely unsafed themselves to go back to their pre-covid no protections no masking no hand sani Just Back To Previously Like It Never Happened when like. It was such a blessing that we'd taken steps towards a more fucking sanitary environment.
#why would you want to go back. the safety precautions weren't even fucking inconvenient.#we were so close to not being filthy pigs that spit at each other and spread all kinds of plagues around#and then we just went 'phew. tired of that. let's just be gross again'#and people are still fucking dying
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Sad but true…
I cant believe in like the big consumer eletronics show we have gone from "here is a household item that will genuinely help people stay more organized and make their lives easier" to "heres a fucking ball we put a bunch of ai into that will follow you around and get stuck in dog shit. We hope you die buy our ai ball."
#Internet and technology was slow as hell back in the 90’s and was super annoying to operate#But at least we didn’t have to fucking worry about AI and doxxing and leaking search histories and predators and shit like that#At least we were sure we had privacy online#At least we all cared about each other…#I wasn’t around back then but I’d give a ton to be able to have that kind of security and safety on the internet again…#To be able to be happy again…#wordz
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Hey, lawmakers and politicians. I should not have to determine which objects in a classroom would work best to beat someone’s ass with. I should not even have to THINK about going up against someone who potentially has an AK-47 with a metal trash can. Thank you very much and I wish you a merry “restrict gun ownership and if you disagree I hope you get shot.”
#I appreciate the ALICE Training but simultaneously resent even needing it#Not saying anything. This is just speculation…#but I wonder if there were as many assassination attempts by gun as there were school shootings#if the government would then restrict gun laws out of fear for their own safety?#The only reason people don’t care is because it’s not happening to them.#And I swear to god if anyone replies “So arm teachers then” I am going to bite your tongue right out of your mouth#What about peace and love do you not fucking understand#I am an animal. I have hands and legs to carry me. I am already armed just like everybody else.#So if we even have to; let us fight each other both like animals and not like a hunter and the hunted#I’d rather strangle someone with my bare hands and watch up close as the life drains out of them than shoot them from a distance#Because when I do something I want to know and feel and see what I’m doing. I don’t want to be detached from it#And that’s what I think is wrong with today. The system is made to detach us from our actions#If killing had to be personal all the time — if you had to lay your hands on your victim no matter what — I think less people would do it#not only because it’s less convenient but because it’s too much to handle for most people and offers too many opportunities to stop
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At least even when I was a teenager and identified as communist, I was still never a soviet apologist
(And as I got older I came to dislike the USSR more and more and more, also seeing that soviet apologism kinda tended to fuck things up for western communists cause they'd be so busy running defense for people who didn't like or care about them, that actually getting policies passed to help western workers came second to being a tankie)
(Straight up, while I was volunteering in Quebec, one of the people I stayed with had this book by her uncle about being a Canadian communist, and he basically pinned soviet apologism as the whole reason he left the party cause they were more interested is doing PR for the kremlin than they were interested in like... unionizing in Canada)
Anyway, tankies suck, soviet apologism suck, and I'm glad to be able to say that even when I was a communist I didn't fall into that trap... like thank fuck for that, you know?
#honestly my positions as a teenager were more or less what they are now; just not as clear and using different worse terms#these days I'm just so sick of legislating what's socialism; what's capitalism; what's whatever#that it's like man... I think robust social safety nets are good in a lot of ways including for the economy#and I think that probably using currency makes more sense than barter#I just also think strong regulations are important cause otherwise you wind up with rat shit in the food (need stronger than we have)#and I think that handing out that money via welfare is a good way to get people spending and also living decently#so call that whatever the fuck you want; I don't care about the label; I care about achieving those goals or something similar#really just don't like labels these days; like descriptivism where I describe what I am and let other people fill in the blanks#makes for a lot less confusion than post communist when I'd always have to be arguing over what a socialist was#I no longer give a shit; I yam what I yam; and what I yam is someone who likes welfare and making sure people have enough#also fucking over big companies; I'm for that over all#part of the reason I stopped being a communist is I've had this rule for years now that says#'groups of roughly more than 50 people start getting corruption'#communism 100% works on a small scale; most households are communist; everything into the big pot to serve the communal good#my minecraft server is communist; we don't sell each other stuff; all goes into the same pot and we take and share what we need#at a scale of like 10 people communism actually works great; isn't a dirty word at that point#it's chipping in and being part of a community#(you gotta be a real messed up group of people for sharing and pooling resources to lead to mass graves when there's like 5 of you)#but in a big group communism is a great way to have the worst person get absolute power; it just sucks ass and should never be done#wonderful in theory; but doomed 100% of the time in practice; never do communism on a government scale#but anyway; same reason I hate communism is why I also hate mega corps... lot more than 50 people#and what do you know? they're corrupt as shit#other thing about less than 50 people; you can kinda more directly see when someone sucks#and you can kick em out; or you can leave; or you can say 'that small business is awful; I'm never shopping there'#I don't know; I'm just thinking outloud at this point; I can't give you some detailed polisci paper in fucking tumblr tags
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