#we thank you anon for your kind words and acknowledgment and we hope we answered to your satisfaction

[incognit0slut]

COWBOY SPENCE! COWBOY SPENCE! WE WANT COWBOY SPENCE!

Fluff. Kind of a continuation to this but not really. 1.3k. Also thank you anon for bringing back my cowboy spence agenda.

Spencer gives you a ride on his horse to watch the sunset.

-

"You're not supposed to be here," he said the moment he saw you enter the stable. And he was right, visiting his ranch on a random Tuesday evening was the last thing you should be doing.

Emily had sent you to interview someone tied to the case, and you managed to gather more information about the Unsub, which you shared with her over the phone. But on your way back to the police station, you realized Spencer's ranch was just a half-hour drive away from town. So you turned the steering wheel, hoping your boss wouldn't notice your impulsive detour.

"Well, you're supposed to reply to my text," you shot back, the sound of your boots echoing on the ground.

He offered a sheepish smile. "Sorry about that, I got caught up today, haven’t had the chance to check my phone."​

"I guess some things never change," you remarked as you approached him standing inside the horse arena, hopping up onto the fence. "Give me a kiss."

Spencer chuckled softly, gently patting Mildred's mane as he stepped around her, the beautiful white horse who seemed to acknowledge your presence with a subtle bow of her head. As he reached your side, he leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to your lips, his touch sending a rush of warmth through you.

This was exactly why you had wanted to see him. The absence of his presence had left a void you hadn't realized until now and you groaned when he gently pulled away. His touch lingered as he brushed a stray strand of hair away from your face, his concern evident in his voice.

"Aren't you going to get into trouble?"

"Maybe," you admitted with a playful shrug. "But some things are worth the risk, don't you think?"

"Emily wouldn't be too happy about that," he pointed out.

"She can do just fine without me for an hour or two," you countered before your attention shifted towards Mildred. "Hey, Millie!"

He laughed. "Millie? You've only met her once and you already have a nickname for her?"

You flashed him a grin. "Well, she just looks like a Millie to me," you said, reaching out to stroke Mildred's soft mane. The horse nuzzled against your hand affectionately, and you couldn't help but laugh.

"I think she likes her new name," he remarked. "Wanna take her out on a ride?"

Your eyes widened at the suggestion. "And break my back? I don't even know how to ride a horse."

"Come on, I'll ride with you," he insisted, leading Mildred towards the arena gate. With a quick hop, you jumped off the fence and caught up with him just as he stepped out of the gate, his horse following behind.

You hesitated for a moment, uncertainty flickering in your eyes as you looked up at him from beneath the brim of his cowboy hat. "I don't think this is a good idea."

He met your gaze with a reassuring smile, his arm outstretched towards you. "You'll be fine, you trust me, right?"

His confidence was infectious, and despite your doubt, you found yourself nodding.

"Alright, let's do this," you said, placing your hand in his as he helped you onto Mildred's back. "Don't let go of me!"

"I won't," he said with a chuckle, and your foot stepped onto the stirrup as he steadied Mildred. With a deep breath, you swung your other leg over, settling onto the saddle.

"You ready?" he asked, his voice filled with excitement. But before you could answer, he smoothly mounted himself up and settled behind you, his presence comforting as Mildred began to move beneath you both.

"Holy shit," you couldn't help but mutter, feeling extremely conscious of sitting so high up on a horse. "This feels weird."

He moved his arms securely around you as he held onto the reins. "You're doing great," he said soothingly, his voice close to your ear. "Just take it easy, you'll get used to it in no time."

His words filled you with warmth, and you couldn't help but lean back against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your touch. His arms around you gave a sense of security as Mildred carried you forward, and that was when you saw it, the vast expanse of his ranch unfolding before you.

The rolling hills, the sprawling fields, and the distant mountains dotted with trees and bathed in the warm glow of the setting sun painted a picturesque scene that took your breath away.

"Spencer Reid," you mused, your eyes tracing the landscape, watching a group of cattle running around at the side of the field. "You're rich rich."

He chuckled softly, his chest vibrating against your back. "I prefer to think of it as being fortunate."

"No wonder you don't want to work with us anymore."

"Honestly, there’s a part of me that doesn't want to leave all this behind," he admitted, his gaze fixed on the horizon. "But it's not just about the ranch. Being here reminds me of the simpler things in life, the BAU can be... overwhelming at times."

You understood his sentiment, "I get that," you said softly. “I'm just glad you seem happier now."

A soft smile tugged at the corners of Spencer's lips as one of his arms circled your waist. "Thank you," he murmured. "I'm actually happier with you here."

Your giggle danced through the air and his smile widened at the sound. With a gentle squeeze around your waist, he leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered, "Look at the view."

You followed his gaze, looking out in front of you just as he urged Mildred to stop. As the horse came to a halt, you found yourself gazing out at the breathtaking scenery spread out before you.

The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm golden glow over the landscape, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink. The rolling hills and sprawling fields seemed to stretch on endlessly, while in the distance, the mountains stood tall against the horizon.

"It's beautiful," you whispered, the awe evident in your voice as you took in the stunning view.

Spencer's arm tightened around your waist as he leaned in. "Very beautiful.”

Your smile widened as you fished your phone out of your pocket to capture the moment, but as you faced the camera towards the scenery, the screen showed the front camera instead. You both burst out laughing, but then you took the opportunity to lean back against him and angle the camera right in front of you.

Spencer smiled as you cupped his cheek with your free hand, his stubble rough against your palm, before you snapped the moment. You then examined the result, admiring the way he was leaning close to you, his bright hazel eyes sparkling with warmth, with the soft lines of his smile at the corners of his eyes.

“I’m changing this into my wallpaper now.”

His grin widened as you showed him the picture.

"I like the sound of that," he said, his eyes lingering on the image with fondness. Just then, there was a sudden notification on your screen and you exchanged a quick glance with him before opening the message.

Boss Woman: You better not be visiting Reid

Boss Woman: Oh who am I kidding? Of course you are. Say hi to him for me

Boss Woman: But get your ass back to the station right now

His laughter echoed behind you. "It’s like she has a sixth sense."

"I haven’t even told her about us yet," you replied, shaking your head in amusement. "Let's head back before she sends out a search party."

With a nudge from him, he turned Mildred around and guided her on the way back to the ranch. And as the sun dipped lower in the sky, painting the landscape in a warm golden light, you knew that this was worth the trouble. You felt the gentle sway of the horse and you couldn't help but smile, placing a hand on the arm circling your waist.

You were definitely going to visit him again.

[lvlyghost]

I LOVE YOUR WRITINGS SO MUCH 😩❤️😍 the way you characterize ghost is so good I can't 😭❤️ I wanted to ask if you could maybe write something for me since your writing style is sooo good frfr

How about ghost and reader have an argument that was started by ghost and he goes a bit too far breaking the reader and making them cry and be just a shell of themselves how would he feel when he sees the readers state and how would he fix it with a happy end please

Broken Wings

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Summary: After a night out, things seem to take a turn in your relationship with Ghost.

Word Count: 2.1k

Tw: angst, hurt/comfort, self doubt, jealousy, probably ooc!simon, curse words. lots of grammar mistakes, poorly edited you know the drill🐝

A/N: i loved this request sooo much, though i did have a lot of trouble when writing it since i wasn't feeling too inspired. also had two different stories but ended up deciding to post this one i might post the other one idk, hope you like this anon! I did try my best🫶🏻🤍🩷✨corrections are appreciated; remember english isn't my native language 🐸

Masterlist✨

"I like you." You said with big bright eyes.

"But no one can know about this. Just you and I. That's enough." He answered, hand tracing the side of your face.

You blink rapidly. You have always been daydreamer. It caused you tons of problems although you tried to do your best when you were out on missions. Ghost is walking ahead of you, boots sinking in the sand beneath your feet. The waves crashing on the shore is something you like listening to and seeing too but under different circumstances. Both of your gear clink with every step you take, it's the only sound as well as the sea that swallows the tense silence that falls between the two.

Things have been rather... strange since two days ago and you've tried to talk to him about it. It wasn't weird for Ghost to push you back every now and then, he was a complicated person and you couldn't be more different from one another.

You were the sun and he was the darkness that came at night or so he had said one night at the common room back at the compound. He was stoic, grumpy and hardly found himself enjoying somebody's company. You on the other hand, even though you wouldn't consider yourself the most outgoing person like Johnny, still you liked talking unlike him. You loved going out with the task force. And most importantly you loved when Ghost joined because you loved him, you loved having him around, despite his gruff responses or annoyed looks.

You jog though your legs shake and tiredness sets in your body.

"How much farther until we get there?" You ask, ignoring the fact that his frame goes rigid when you speak . He doesn't acknowledge you at first. All you hear is a small sigh leaving his lips. You kind of wish he wasn't wearing the damn sunglasses so you could see his eyes.

They always said a lot.

"Thirty minutes. Give or take." The answer is short and cold, breaking your heart a little more than before. Still, you decide to try again.

"Sir, is something bothering you?" Before he can stop it he scoffs, shaking his head. "What?" Brows furrowing on your features. "Simon..."

He stops all of the sudden, turning to face you with a tense stance.

"First of all don't bloody use my name out here. Secondly it's your own fault we've been walking for hours. So don't go asking if something's bothering me, Sergeant."

Taking a step back you open your mouth.

"My fault? I was doing my job!"

"Didn't know your job was to get your fucking head blown off!!" He seethes. "Fucking hell you can't be this reckless and expect me to clap at your poor acting on the field." Your heart begins to race, he had never said such things to you. Taking a small step back your grit your teeth, you hated that his words were making your eyes blurry. This was the Simon you never wanted to see. And yet there he was. "Now we lost the damn intel thanks to you." He spits. But something isn't adding up.

"It's not just that. You've been acting strange for a few days now, Ghost. Don't come and tell me it's just because I did what I was supposed to do!" He stiffs yet again. Jaw clenching so hard you fear he might break it. "Not missing the way you avoid me ever since..." you close your mouth shut. "The pub..." he shifts his weight from one foot to another. The waves are increasing and now reach your feet, dampening your boots. And then you remember him storming off the local pub before he even finished his own drink. Everyone had heard the hard slap to John's arm when he had tried to calm him down. God why didn't you pay more attention to that moment? Because you both had agreed to keep your distances? And going after him was out of discussion? Then the next day you'd barely seen him, just for a short moment during debriefs and that was it. The moment you had gotten up from your seat he was gone. And today you were supposed to go to a special op that had soon become a problem that eventually led to the two of you in the middle of a beach, it was a cloudy day and if it weren't for the heavy layers you wore you're certain you'd be shaking. Sometimes –and you were ashamed of it– you were oblivious to many things and it seemed that Ghost's anger toward you was one of them this time. "What happened?"

He inhales deeply.

"It's over. That's what happened."

Your heart sinks and you swallow hard. Your whole body loses color when he mutters those two words. Out of all the things, all the possibilities you thought he'd say to you, he decided to end everything. Shaking your head you try to touch his hand but he doesn't let you.

"Ghost where is all of this coming from I don't understand!" You choke out. "We were fine..."

"No. You were fine. If I wasn't enough you should've just said so."

"Stop... you... what the hell are you talking about???"

"Nothing that matters anymore. Keep walking and don't say another word. That's an order."

He turns and keeps walking as if nothing just happened. As if he didn't just completely broke your heart.

'You were fine'.

What was that supposed to mean? You think, walking a few meters behind him, scared to even say anything else; to even try to grab him by the arm and force him to talk. It would only make things worse right now.

By the time you reach the safe house it's started to rain the silence between the two is deafening and tense. Ghost's cold demeanor and hurtful words have left a scar. Never in a million years would you think you'd be here, with a broken, shattered heart and no explanation from his part.

Words that pierced through your soul.

That day something died inside you. And he was the reason.

-

Two weeks, three days and seven hours.

That's the time that's passed since that day at the beach. Two weeks since Simon broke you and gave you no reasons.

You're a disaster.

You barely eat or get any sleep. There's dark circles under your eyes and you're sure you've lost some weight too. Ghost has been gone on a mission alone with Johnny for a week now, which left you with a lot of spare time to think about the two of you.

More tears stream down your face when you remember that day. Had you missed something important? Was Ghost's mind somewhere dark? Somewhere it shouldn't be? God knows he was... difficult to say the least. But every single time you tried, tried to be there for him. Did those late nights at your home meant nothing? Had he not seen the way you looked at him? Had you not shown him enough of your affection? Everything you'd do for him if he simply asked?

Getting up from your bed you get ready for another day. Not bothering to lace your boots just shoving them inside your shoes you walk down the hallways until you get to the training room. Gaz is talking to John in the far corner, the Captain's arms are crossed over his chest while Kyle frowns and shakes his head. You don't to even go and salute them as you normally would do, instead you put your earphones on and hit the treadmill.

It doesn't last long though; after one minute someone stops it by pressing down the off button. Your brows knitted together as you stop, turning to look up at Gaz who smiles politely.

"Sorry for that, sweetheart. You okay?" You nod, but say nothing more. "Come here." He pats your shoulder and helps you down from the treadmill. If you could smile now you would. But no even the faintest, softest grin leaves your lips. Gaz takes a quick glimpse at your face and rubs the back of his neck. "You know, Soap and Ghost just got back. Heard Lt. was asking about you."

"Oh." You murmur. "Okay." You don't move nor dare to meet his eyes. "I'll just head back to my room."

"Uhmm. I- what I meant is he's looking for you..." Shaking your head you walk away, not having the energy to face Simon right now. And why did he need to see you? Made pretty clear that you two were done, therefore was no need to see each other unless it was work related.

-

"You really do like it here don't you." Your body goes rigid. This was supposed to be your safe place. The roof of the armory was rarely visited by anyone at this hour. Simon's voice seems softer than ever before but you don't answer. Not even turn to acknowledge him. You hear muttered words and then he crouches down to your level. "Price said you're not eating. Do we have to send you to the military counselor now?" How dare he? After all he caused this. You know he doesn't mean it in bad way, somehow he cares for you deep down. Your hands ball into fists, fighting the urge to snap at him, to push him down and just break him the way he broke you. But you don't because you still love him, and could never bring yourself to hurt him. Simon is staring intently at you, waiting, hoping for any sign. He knows he shouldn't be here. Bloody hell he knows you shouldn't even look his way never again. He deserves it. Every bit of it. "Talk to me, love. Please." It's a low whisper. A plea.

"What do you want Ghost?" You ask softly. Simon leans closer, sitting down with his legs propped up against his chest and arms resting on his knees. It's a funny look for someone his size.

"Jus' wanted to see you." You scoff playing with your hands, refusing to lock eyes with him because if you did you'd be done. "Wanted to explain..."

"Then just do it!" You sob. Your lower lip trembles. "And then leave."

"Fine." He agrees. "But I'm not leaving. I- I made a mistake, and took it out on you okay? I was scared."

"Scared?" Your head snaps to where he is sitting. It's painful just to look at him. "Why would you be scared Ghost?" You retaliate

He grumbles, never fancied when you called him that when you were alone. Quite the contradiction given the fact that he told you not to call him his name that day at the beach.

"Because I saw you." He points out. "That night. Everything you're missing for being with someone like me. Can't even show proper affection because it's not me... and you deserve more than that. More than me."

"Ghost..."

"No. Lemme finish, love." He swallows. It's always amusing how controlled he seems. "I lost it, yeah? You looked so happy. How on earth do I deserve you, on what universe do I deserve ya'?"

Sucking in a sharp breath you recall the moments that preceded the events. The sound of music blasting through the speakers, when you joined the rest of the soldiers on the other side of the pub. Private Miller had slung his arm over your shoulders in a friendly manner. You laughed and drank too much that night, it was joyful. Everyone was there, your team. You never thought he felt that way about it.

"Oh my... Simon." You cover your mouth and cry silently. He hesitated for a moment before pulling you close and into his lap. "Should've known something was wrong. Forgive me... I should've stayed with you, follow you after you left." You cry out.

You were scared too, for very different reasons. That he'd get tired of you eventually, that if you weren't cautious enough your secret would be known. Both would get suspended thus separated and discharged.

"No, love. You shouldn't have to go running after me. I should be running after you. Now forgive me, say you will. Or else I might just lose myself for good." You cradle his face in your hands lifting the balaclava just above the bridge of his nose. Thumb tracing his lower lip. Your tears have dried.

"I've missed you so much, Simon. All you gotta do is talk to me, always." He tightens his grip around you. "You think Price would let us go home tonight and not ask questions?"

His chuckle is short and soft.

"Yeah. I think he's known for a while now."

[elvisabutler]

OK, I'll bite: since your requests are open, may we please, with all the cherries on top, get a Dove pregnancy fic? If you have the time and energy, of course - I know your WIP list is crazy, and I'm sure you have all kinds of things going on irl too, as we all do! 😘

if your child needs a daddy, i can help

summary: you find yourself pregnant with your first kid and you and austin make room for them in your lives despite how sometimes the whole pregnancy makes you feel emotionally and physically. fandom: austin butler | elvis ( 2022 ) rating: m, i suppose. he does get his finger inside of her. pairing: austin butler x priscilla actress reader ( little dove verse ) word count: 2261 warnings: the normal warnings apply for this verse. daddy kink. dom/sub dynamics. brief mentions of past relationships that were not at all pleasant. anxiety. negative self talk. pregnancy kink. breeding kink. THESE WARNINGS MAKE IT SOUND MORE SMUTTY THAN IT IS. but it's actually quite fluffy. austin's just horny for his wife. referenced/implied fingering. future and past p in v sex referenced. author’s note: consider this canon for the main verse? obviously set in the future so- god maybe 2024/2025? generally speaking i loved this prompt and technically meant to keep it short or at the very least fluffy but uh- well austin's a horndog is really what happened. thank you anon for this prompt, truly, i'm really trying to get up the courage/gumption to restart actually actively writing for dove and austin and stuff like this and the asks really help more than you know. also thank you for acknowledging my crazy wip list. didn't actually think i'd write this as quick as i did, and truly i meant to have it up on mother's day when i realized how quick i was writing it but this past weekend. lord she was a doozy in my work real life. anyway i hope you like it and anyone who actually wants to be tagged for this verse, either hit me up in my ask box or my dms or someway. i didn't do my normal austin tag list for this because i know this verse has been known to occasionally bother some people and i don't want to put it in your face if you don't want to read it, you know?

It happens- as all things do with you and Austin- quickly. It comes within the two months of you telling Austin you want to make Austin a real Daddy. A daddy who can hold his child and rock it and sing it little lullabies until it grows up to be and strong like their parents. You'd think since you're a grown woman and a surprising amount of your life has become regimented in ways it wasn't after dating and then marrying Austin that you wouldn't miss your period and not notice. You wouldn't miss it one month, two months and only realize something's strange when you go to visit Austin to see his show and hiss and practically yelp in pain when he presses up against your chest. They were bigger but they always got a little bigger around your period, it was fine. But then Austin is murmuring in your ear and pressing his hand against your stomach where he can feel a firmness where there wasn't one before.

"Are you pregnant?"

That's a weird question to ask, you're due for your period any day now, you think, thinking that you're close enough to the beginning of the next month that you're due for one soon. Not that it'll be your third missed period in a row. You shake your head, "no, I'm due for it next week, I think."

Austin raises an eyebrow and presses against the firm spot, waiting for it to give only to realize it's staying firm, there's something there. "When was your last one, Dove?"

You open your mouth to answer once, twice, three times before you look down at his hand against your stomach and see how your breasts are practically spilling out of your bra and you let out a noise of delight and shock rolled into one. Your voice is soft when you answer him finally. "I don't remember."

The squeal of delight you let out and the way Austin laughs and laughs and laughs twirling you around before setting you back down so he can kiss your belly is something the cast talks about for the next week or two.

It's a flurry to try and get things rescheduled, have projects pushed back or dropped all together as your belly starts to curve outward, becoming harder and harder to hide as the weeks go by. You and Austin had made an agreement to not announce a single thing before 12 weeks. It wasn't a guarantee nothing would go wrong but it put you in a safer territory than you would be if you announced earlier. Austin argues every so often that you shouldn't make an announcement, not because he doesn't want people to know but because he's so fiercely protective over your private life with him beyond what the two of you have to show that exposing your child to this nonsense fills him with dread. He worries about the judgment he figures you'll get over having a baby like this. Worries about how if you want to book something short that people may look at your belly and realize that it's not worth it. Maxwell and Simon, your agents and managers and pseudo dads rolled into one promise to get you just one more thing even if you'll have an obvious belly for them because they care about you and your career almost if not more than Austin does.

You tell him- no, you explain to him that you can't do that, you can't go into hiding because you're pregnant. You want to be able to tell the world that you're carrying his baby, that your belly is growing because you told him you wanted a baby. This baby may not be their child, but they're your fans and what would you be without your fans? No, you have to announce it so that you can finally stop hiding in oversized hoodies and dresses tailored to hide your bump. Besides, you've been known to read the gossip blogs and the magazines while waiting for your doctor's appointments. You know very well there's theories as to what's going on and how people find it suspicious you've gone from full body shots on instagram to above the waist shots. There's theories about why you had to drop out of a film that you'd be filming while nine months pregnant and ready to pop if you did. This is the only real way to put them to rest.

"Looking forward to this little one and I having many more mother's days to come. Your daddy and I can't wait to meet you." is the caption you go with on Mother's day with Austin's hands and your hands on your stomach. The comments make you cry though if Austin asks you're only crying because of the hormones. Not because of your little Elvis family bombarding your comments with congratulations or the way any negative comments get overwhelmed by happier comments. Even Kaia and Vanessa say congratulations and you feel something in your chest loosen at the knowledge. You feel the fear that had gripped your heart deep down that whispered how you'd have to hide this pregnancy like you hide your submission to Austin- like you hid your relationships with your other doms- disintegrate and evaporate into thin air.

Austin knows the second he sees your smile and sees your response to a few messages that he's doomed, he's lost the fight of getting you to remain a little more private about the pregnancy. Truthfully he's just thankful you agree with him that the two of you are going to try your absolute hardest to keep the baby themselves out of the limelight. And - as he murmurs, cupping your growing bump one night- their three siblings. Your feed is split between promoting your new project, random other things you'd do and posts about your growing bump, your occasional sickness and how pregnancy isn't really all it's cracked up to be even when you want a baby.

It comes to a head one day when you're seven months pregnant with your big long baby that Austin felt the need to gift you with all his height genes and you're posting something about how this week has just been rough.

"I'm not speaking for everyone, obviously, and all you infertility moms can tell me I'm wrong, but for me- I'm- society gives us all some rose tinted glasses when it comes to pregnancy and from what some of you guys have told me, motherhood." You sigh, wincing as your daughter kicks your rib cage and does this somersault that has your stomach rolling and twisting. "I want more kids but- this hurts. This hurts and I feel huge and I can't breathe sometimes because they're pressing on everything and I know you guys have seen the pap photos, I can't even really hug Austin right any more."

Austin for his part knows better than to interrupt when he hears you talking to yourself and despite his better judgment waits outside your shared bedroom door until he hears words that stop his heart.

"It's selfish, I guess, but I worry sometimes that he doesn't- he isn't going to like me nearly as much when the baby comes out. We've all heard about how guys do that and Austin's but- I don't know. I'm being melancholy and that's not what you signed up for today." You lift up your shirt to show your bump as your daughter does another roll that you manage to catch on camera. "I guess they wanted to show off at the expense of mommy. You are definitely your father's kid."

When it's been silent for a few minutes and he hears you grunt in pain he finally walks inside the room to see you standing in front of the mirror, cupping your bump before running your hands over your chest. There's a part of him in the back of his head that finds the action arousing beyond belief but he sees the look on your face and sees how you're playing with your necklace as the hand that was on your breast moves up. You're so engrossed in looking at your body and allowing your mind to whisper things to you that you don't notice Austin until he's up behind you and his hands are lifting up your belly just so.

"Oh, Aus- Fuck, Daddy, keep your hands there." You moan, the relief palpable in your tone. "That feels so good, she's been-"

"Growing too fast and too big for my little Dove?" Austin's tone is light and playful has he kisses your neck, watching the two of you in the mirror. "The joys of having me as the other half of the genes. Two more months and then she's out of you and you're free until the next one."

Your jaw tenses just a little at the words. It's not that you don't want another baby but who's truly to say he's going to want you enough to make one. The silence after his joke is what makes Austin pause and has him kissing at your jaw. "What's wrong?"

Because something is wrong and you have to communicate with him, if you need something you need to tell him, that's always been the rule in your relationship. A sigh leaves your lips. "There's- you're not going to find me attractive-" you pause and try to take a breath before the first thought that comes to your mind leaves your mouth in a rush. "Elvis didn't like Priscilla after she had Lisa."

Austin drops your belly gently against your protests and turns you to face him while shaking his head, taking your head in his hands. "Dove. Don't- we're not them, remember?"

"I know that!" You practically whine before rubbing at your eyes that are quickly filling with tears. "I know we're not! I know you're Austin and I'm me but I look and feel like a beached whale and my boobs are huge and will probably sag everywhere-"

Austin places his finger on your lips before shaking his head. "I'm going to stop you right there and tell you to look down." He watches you as your eyes slide down his torso and stop between his legs. He's- he's hard just from looking at you and touching you. There's his arousal staring you in the face in his grey sweatpants and you can't help but bite your lip. It twitches a little.

"You're- Daddy."

"I'm hard. You know how I've been the bigger you get. I thought you were attractive before but carrying my baby? Watching your belly swell and seeing your boobs escape every bra you put them in? Dove, if my dick had it's way you'd be pregnant every second you could be." He murmurs, allowing his hands to slide down your neck to your chest where he gives your breasts and nipples a squeeze before sliding down to your stomach. "And when this belly is gone? When our daughter is suckling at your chest? I'm going to remember that you did this. Going to remember how my wife grew our daughter and is feeding her from her own body still. I'm going to know that you're strong and perfect. And I'm going to remind myself we have a baby schedule to stick to. That I can't just immediately put another one inside of you."

His words cause a shudder to ripple through you and Austin smirks just a little, moving his hands down lower and lower, "Dove, if I put my hand between your legs how wet is it going to get?"

You feel your breath shakily leave your mouth. "Soaked. Please, Austin-"

A kiss cuts off your words as Austin's hand slides in between your leggings and your skin, inching ever so closer to where he's ignited a fire. He pulls away just a hair and shakes his head. "Try again, lil Dove. Please who?"

The eyeroll you give him holds no malice but you can't help it even as your arousal threatens to overwhelm you. "Daddy, please."

"I'll always give my Dove what she needs," he murmurs, finally sliding his fingers inside of you with a low groan from both of you.

It's funny how after that night your sex life with Austin up until the end of your pregnancy became a little more intense. More frequent as if to reassure you any time the voice inside your head got too loud and any time every trick your therapists taught you failed. Austin loved you and there wasn't a single doubt about that. Even if there was, the way he was by your side throughout your labor with your daughter would have done away with any doubts. There wasn't much more you could ask for in a partner than what he did for you that day and what he does for you as you recover.

It's a week before any of you are ready to take a picture but you're thankful for Ashley recommending a good photographer for the newborn pictures despite Austin's protests that he could take his own. After all, you wanted him in some of them, and you didn't trust an autotaken picture for this. When it comes time for Austin to post that your daughter's been born he goes for a simple picture that shows your hand on top of Austin's and Loretta's on yours with a simple caption: isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful.

He saves the other photos for you to post.

[demonqueenart]

Evie, hi! First of all I want to thank you for spending your time and energy to write all those answers and posts. I'm amazed that you're still able to keep them understanding and kind, which makes it much easier to have this conversation. Thank you!

Your frustration with DnP's lack of reaction is justified and the next thing I'm about to say isn't me coming up with excuses on their behalf or telling you to stop talking about it. It just hurts to see a kind and gentle person like you get upset, so I'm trying to give some consolation, but I'm not too good at that, so sorry in advance if I fuck it up.

Please have patience. Not for their sake, for your own. We won't stop trying to make them acknowledge the racism, but it might take some time. Since their comeback our way of interacting with DnP has been kind of a black box - we talk about stuff on different platforms and then they suddenly mention it. So we know they saw us talking, but we don't know exactly when.

The last 2 weeks have been pure chaos: the leak, the rushed announcement, the wrong dates in the promo, the venues not giving enough info or giving wrong info. After tickets went on sale they only had 4 days before they fucked off to have their just-the-two-of-us-ranch-ingredients vacation.

What I'm trying to say is: their current silence doesn't necessarily mean that they saw us talking and chose to ignore it. Maybe they haven't seen it yet, maybe they are thinking about what to do and what to say. Also, unfortunately white people do need a bit of time to go from "this is an unreasonable attack, I'm not a bad person and they are just haters" to "it's not an attack, it's reasonable criticism and I was being the asshole this whole time". I went through this process myself (and you were the one who helped me understand). Sorry it took me that long.

This isn't me saying it's fine that they haven't addressed anything so far - it's not. Just please don't give up hope yet. They listened to us when it came to Palestine, I'm sure they'll listen now too.

Oh, and ignore all the fuckers who are telling you to either leave or shut up. You make the phandom a better and kinder space. I want you here and many others do too. Plus it's not like anyone gets to gatekeep the community in the first place. You have the right to be here.

From beautiful hellscape with love 💜

Anon 🥹 I felt so cared for because of you. Thank you so much 🫂🫂💞💞 I always want this space to be gentle and kind, even when I’m hurt and angry, I still want to understand where everyone is coming from. I believe that everyone deserves to have their voice being heard. Even when our voices clash and don’t always go together, we can still come to a new understanding, try to mend and build a bridge together. Fighting isn’t always the end of things, it’s when two sides trying to express how unfair the situation is so that they can come together.

And of course, you’re right. They might be quite busy as you’ve pointed out, it doesn’t always mean they’re not going to do anything. I think why I assumed for the worst is because this is very much a new territory for them to cross. They have never brought up their racist remarks, never tried to address or take accountability in things. I’m just afraid it’ll end up just like any other time before.

But having you speaking this to me have reassured that I’m not fighting alone in this. In some way or the other, I have cultivated the most understanding and generous people of all who’re willing to support me during the toughest time, and for that, I’m so grateful. Thank you for reaching out and giving me some consolation to reassure me. Your words will not be wasted :) Thank you so much for everything 🫂🫂💖💖

[lockandkeyhyena]

Hi!! Same anon who sent you that ridiculous long ask a few hours ago. LOL. I have thought a bit about your response and have some new simple questions to ask. Mostly inspired by your answer to #5: "while i plan for him to have a sad backstory, that’s not the avenue i plan to garner sympathy from the audience with. that’s the avenue that he initially wants you to take pity on him for" :

The wording of this answer has left me curious; do you plan to write Alvin as an 'unreliable narrator' of sorts (at least, before he comes to acknowledge the reality / true impact of his behavior)? Or would you just best describe him as the self-pitying 'i know i did something awful but guysss i feel bad and i was bullied in middle school!' type? .... Truthfully I feel like it would make for a decent start to his kind of character either way. OF COURSE… I hope I'm not digging to many 'spoilers' out of you lol, I just like to hear what you're planning is all, as these kinds of topics (in storytelling) interest me

And, kind of random, but I was thinking on my discomfort and I think for me - and for most people, from the looks of things - a lot of the unease stems from the idea of an abuser being a "good person", even if that's not something you've explicitly stated to be going for. But people tend to have a lower tolerance for implications when it comes to topics like these, in general, so assumptions tend to happen… Unfortunately.... I feel like people are interesting in the fact that there are a lot of layers in the way we view others; even if someone does not view a child abuser from a lense of "human vs non-human", they most certainly view child abusers from a lense of "good vs evil", another form of categorization / division in of itself. Anyways that's just a random thought, but it does beg my final question:

Would you consider Alvin, at the end of your story at least, to be a "good person"? Or, would you say he's just 'improved'? How far do you plan to take his redemption?

haha not to worry at all, i greatly enjoyed answering your question!

for your first question! i’m thinking a sort of combination of the both of them, leaning towards the second one. we’re *seeing* the aftermath of alvin’s actions on ethan so he can’t really manipulate the audience into thinking he was better than he was, but at the same time at the beginning he’s going to have that abuser attitude of ‘well he was actually really mature and i never *forced* him and also *i* was abused as a kid so you have to feel bad for me’

as for your second question, i’m honestly not sure- that’s something i plan to explore over the course of the story, but i don’t plan for him to be ‘fully a good person now with no problems’! that’s something i’m planning on developing as i develop hell and decide what sort of place it would be, as i believe that would have a massive effect on how and why he realises the error of his behaviour.

i greatly enjoy the questions you ask me haha thank you for making me think real deeply about this story!

[celestie0]

Hello there <3

I've been following you for quite some time now, but been more on the silent reader brigade, but I just wanna say I love your work so much and I'm totally not checking your Tumblr and Ao3 like every few hours to see if there's an update of Kickoff, but anyways-

I saw this one post you made answering another persons claim of gangbang and orgy being a different thing (which is true), but gangbang referring to just rape also which is not.

I'm Sorry, but I feel like I have to educate people here ^^' just ignore this if you're bothered by my 'uhm actually' attitude here :')

A gangbang refers to a group of dominating people (mostly men) having sex with a single (or at least fewer) submissive person (mostly women). It doesn't have to be rape necessarily, but is often interlinked with it given the circumstances.

An orgy on the other hand is just a bunch of people having sex with each other, regardless of their stance and amount of subs and doms.

So, taking this in consideration with the original post you made about like the haunted house thingy with the JJK men as ghosts (feel free to correct me ^^') it would indeed count as a gangbang, consensual or not, unless they would fuck each other as well, which would be so hot not gonna lie :')

I hope I could shine some light on this topic and you're not mad at me for being so overly correct about it... I just feel like it's something a lot of people get mixed up quite easily and I want to clarify the right terms and meanings.

Sooo... Now, after revealing my questionable knowledge about things I maybe shouldn't share on the internet, I'll go back in my silent corner and relentlessly stalk your account for updates :3

Btw no stress about it, we all know how occupied you are and we've all been there, so take your time <3

hi my dear!! thanks so much for taking the time to explain this. tw rape/noncon below the cut

yeah, my own original conception was similar. i thought gangbang was just multiple people on one person (usually multiple men on one woman) and any examples i had seen online in porn at least were not even remotely related noncon so i guess that was my perception was to never question that it wasn’t inherently consensual. n then yea orgy was just multiple people w multiple other people like a fuck party LMFAOOO the way this convo is so technical is kinda funny to me but it’s educational too so it’s fine. i can see how these two definitions are very different in nature, so they’re not entirely interchangeable regardless of the discussion of consensual vs nonconsensual

but when that anon pointed it out, i looked it up and i did see quite a few urban definitions of gangbang as something that is indeed non consensual?

this is the definition that google has formally placed at the top (not saying google knows all lol) but i did see a few other definitions that were similar in other websites

i’m not entirely sure what’s credible, since my definition was purely based on porn i’ve seen 💀 i’m no sex ed specialist. but i acknowledge your definition as well!! bottom line, i really don’t want to endorse any sort of behavior or acts on this blog that are nonconsensual or having to do w rape, so i think maybe i will find other ways around describing multi partner scenarios without using the word “gangbang” going forward!! i think i’d rather use a diff word(s) if it can explain it the same way rather than using a word my followers may find triggering or upsetting. i hope this isn’t coming off as me not accepting your definition or your input!! i really appreciate you for taking the time to educate n share <33

and aaa thank uuu so very much for the sweet words ab my writing!! :”) it means sm to me SLSKDJDH lol i’m so flattered to know u check my blog that often but also so sorry for the delays w chapters 😭😭😭 you’re too sweet n kind n thank you so much for your patience!! have a wonderful day/night my love :)

[pebblysand]

Hi Pebbly! I just spend my last two days reading Castles in its entirety, and I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it (if you define enjoy in the most liberal sense that includes feeling immense sadness and crying 5 times while also liking the little sprinkles of hope and humour throughout). My favourite parts were actually the politics, and I feel like the way you write Kingsley does not get enough credit at all. Actually the way you write all the politics deserves a lot more credit 1/2

two days? omg anon are you okay? 😆

jokes aside, thank you so so much for your kind words, this means the world - truly. i love it that people are still discovering this fic, it brings me so much joy! i'll answer your question on politics first, then address the "sex" under the cut to be safe.

how do you think the muggle English government justified the loan to the Ministry of Magic?

oh, i like your headcanon. i think in my head it was more, like, MI5/MI6 funding. the kind of funding where no one can really ask questions because #nationalsecurity, you know? also, probably "miscellaneous" expenses. there's a scene in peaky blinders where tommy talks to arthur about all the "olives" they're buying (where the olives are actually posing for the cocaine expenses for the club in the books), and i kind of think there's a lot of that as well. like: oh, the ministry of foreign affairs bought for £50,000 pounds of olives this quarter, you know? lots of canapés for cocktail parties lol.

[under the cut for your other question]

As a bi woman, the scene in chapter 16 where Ginny describes WLW lovemaking for Harry's sexual gratification felt a bit uncomfortable. It was not that big a deal, and did not take away from my overall readership experience. In general, I could understand that they are a straight couple in the 90s, but since you encourage discussion with your readership I thought I would bring it up. Still loved the chapter!

okay so first, thank you so, so much for saying this and for raising your concern, i truly appreciate it.

full disclosure, it is something that i thought about before publishing, actually. this scene sort of wrote itself (as in, it wasn't planned, i was just writing and it came up) and when i was going through it again when editing, i was like "ugh, idk," you know? like, not outright negative about it, but a bit icky. so, i (think i) get what you mean.

despite this, i landed on keeping it in for a bunch of reasons. i acknowledge the fact that these reasons may be "problematic" or imperfect, but here they are, regardless:

first, what you said: they're a straight couple and ✨it was the 90s✨. but, also people just have... fantasies. i think we need to acknowledge the fact that this (be it WLW or threesomes) is a pretty common one, not only amongst straight men. is this the result of the media often portraying WLW as a gimmick or a hot "phase" and sexualising a genuine sexual orientation for the enjoyment of the masses? sure, that's highly likely (😅).

but unfortunately, we don't all exist in a vacuum and the media does influence us, whether we like it or not. for all intents and purposes, harry grew up "muggle" so he would have been subjected to this in his broader environment. also, when you consider that ron literally has a book about "failsafe ways to charm witches," (so patronising and patriarchal - UGH), i would hazard that the wizarding world isn't that much more evolved, when it comes to these things.

i think we just live in an imperfect society where certain traits, sexual orientations, etc. are sexualised by the wider public. this feeds into our own fantasies which we generally believe are of our own making, but actually, more often than not, are very much influenced by the outside world. asking if those are "genuine" fantasies rather than just stuff we fantasise about because of the media, is pretty much the equivalent of asking if the choices that women make are ever genuine, because we're clearly all influenced by patriarchal structures in some respect. it's a headfuck and i think we just all need to accept that none of us exists in a vacuum, and we just do our best with the cards we've been dealt. so, does harry fantasise about this because society at large is generally exploitative towards WLW sex and that his brain sort of latched onto that because of that wider reality? probably. it's unfortunate, but it doesn't make that fantasy any less common, you know?

and, the thing is: fantasies can be imperfect. that's why they are just that - fantasies. there's a scene in one of the earlier chapters where ginny's like: "i'd have liked to do it under the cloak in a public place" (something along those lines) - and when you think about it, that's mildly problematic too if you consider, well, the innocent people around lol. and, given the whole range of problematic shit that people fantasise about, this is, well, not the worst, let's say. i don't think harry getting hard at the thought of ginny with another girl makes him a bad person. i just think it makes him - well, as you said, a bloke in the 90s, you know? he doesn't judge her for having tried it, doesn't think it's "gross" or whatever. he just gets pretty turned on by the thought of it and on an individual level, i think that's sort of okay.

this being said, i do appreciate the point (although re-reading this, i realise you didn't actually make that point, so perhaps this is just me talking to myself lol, in which case i apologise) of a wider, more systemic bi/WLW exploitation for male gratification. that is a very real problem in our society (unfortunately), as is bi erasure. so yes, that was a point that i made to myself when i was editing, which sort of fed into the aforementioned "icky" feeling. i think what made me ultimately decide to keep the scene in, here, is that no one is being exploited and no one's consent is being undermined. ginny is using a personal experience, sure, but that experience was genuine. i don't think she went into that experience thinking: "oh, this will be a good story to tell harry," you know? i think she was genuinely curious, wanting to try something out.

(as a side note, i've always sort of pictured ginny as "curious" in terms of her sexual orientation. i don't think she'd necessarily label herself as bi or queer or whatever, but i do think she'd be the type to think that no one is ever entirely one thing, that sexuality is a spectrum and that she falls somewhere on that spectrum. but i digress).

so, anyway, i don't think that WLW experience, for her, happened for the purpose of the male gaze. i think she was just genuinely into it in the moment. i kind of like that she got to question her sexuality a little bit as well, and although she decided she didn't want that again (which is totally fair), i think it was a good question for her to ask herself. i don't think the WLW experience itself was "for" harry's sake at all.

i also think that clearly, she modifies a lot of details (creative license, am i right?) so that in the end, what she tells harry is more of a story she made up on the basis of her own feelings, rather than about anyone else involved. it's also her own decision - harry doesn't really ask her to tell the "story" for the purposes of his own sexual gratification, she does it of her own accord because she wants to. so at the end of the day, this is just a girl playing with her boyfriend's fantasies in bed, which i don't think is fundamentally corrupt or exploitative. people may choose to dress up in a schoolgirl uniform to surprise their partner if they have a teacher/pupil fantasy, and while that is in itself a bit icky, it's also a safe way to explore that, you know?

so, is there a wider exploitation of the WLW theme in the media? sure. is it icky? sure. but then, i feel like we fall back onto my first point of: many fantasies are icky and no one is perfect and when you think about this one in particular, this is probably the best, least-exploitative way for harry to explore it. he's not watching hardcore, exploitative, WLW porn on pornhub, you know?

i also think that one of the factors i considered is that: straight men aren't my target audience, lol. i mean, maybe some straight men are reading castles (i hope they are, you never know) but... let's be real for a second, lol. so, i think, if my goal had been for this fic to turn men on with WLW sex, that would have been a different decision. here, i'm not trying to turn men on (i'm not even trying to turn women on, tbh), i'm just trying to show a couple exploring a fantasy together. so, while this cannot "excuse" everything, i do think it matters a little bit.

lastly, i ... like the scene. not for the WLW sex, but for what it shows of harry and ginny at that point in time. they're young. they're turning each other on. they're getting more comfortable around each other and being a bit vulnerable. harry's slightly embarrassed, which i think is a good thing for him. that scene goes to plot (it's sex, but it's also sex that doesn't involve actual sex, which becomes relevant later, as you know) and to character development. it would have been very difficult for me to achieve that with another scene. and, again, i feel like all fantasies i could have gone for have a degree of "problematic" built into them, because of the society we live in. the only one which truly wouldn't have been, would have been ginny talking about masturbating to the thought of harry in a closed environment which frankly i've already done a bunch of times (including one other time in this chapter). and, even then - did he ever consent to being masturbated about? as soon as you start talking fantasies, bring the wider world into the mix, shit is bound to happen, you know?

obviously, my goal isn't to make anyone feel uncomfortable/exploited. since you said it was not a big deal and didn't alter your overall experience reading the fic, i think i'm still leaning towards keeping this in, for the reasons exposed above. i think the goal of castles is also to show that life isn't perfect, and that people aren't perfect. i think this is... perfectly imperfect, you know?

but anyway, thank you so so much for reading, and taking the time to give me this feedback. i know this can sometimes be taxing. i hope you understand my reasoning and that this doesn't feel like i'm dismissing your concerns. trust me i'm not (again, i had very similar ones). it's just narrative choices being made.

[onlyswan]

I've been a silent reader of yours, art, but this time the latest drabble really struck something in me that I can't help but let you know how amazing of a writer you are. This couple has the kind of love that indeed feels like home, the kind of love that you will feel bad abt them breaking up not bc of how long they've been together but bc you know how much they love each other and being away would never be good for the both of them and every single fic that I have read from in which couple got me in the feels and made me kind of reflect on how I view loving romantically as a whole.

When yoongi said that some problems doesn't need a resolution and u kind of just have to let it pass, I thought abt how sometimes problems are caused by emotions (which what happened to kookie) and sometimes we don't need to act on it and resolve it, just have to sit with it for maybe a few days. Jk acted impulsively and I love the way oc viewed what happened, it really solidified how well and deep they've known each other. Their connection and the way they cherish and adore each other isn't something superficial that could be change by a mistake as big as breaking up. Yes it hurts like hell but it's bc you know that there are internal problems that drove them to do that.

I certainly love these lines:

"from now on, all i'll think about is what i can do to make you happy and safe without compromising our relationship", I love how jk acknowledge where did he went wrong all throughout the drabble that ending things between them to save oc is never the answer to his worries about the future.

"it's okay to hold onto me. i'm also strong", I really love how oc really speaks whatever is on their mind, and how they put their words together. it stings a bit but it also feels so comforting and reassuring seeing it from an outsider's pov bc it's like "you might have forgot about it but you can lean on me, you know?"

I don't want this to be too long but they way you wrote the making love scene. The line starting from "he wants to grieve for all of the wasted time...", I love love love how you crafted that part in a way that describes how a famous and a loving person and has the genuine love of his life like jungkook would view a kind reconciliation like that. It's like you would understand that in which! jk would def tell the phrase "I'll love so hard until they break my heart". It's just soooo good!

All in all, you never cease to blow my mind with your writings and how you deliver an experience through words. Sending so much light and love to you, art! Thank you for sharing your crafts with us!

Love, 🦢 (is there a swan anon already?)

ps. jk reminds me of sunny day by beadbadobee :')

hello new swan anonie 🥹 this brought tears to my eyes oh my god. you have no idea how happy this made me !!! thank you so much for taking the time to write such a kind and lovely message and sharing your fav lines. gotta be my fav part too when reading reviews ahhh :,))) i loveloveloved hearing your thoughts about our couple! <3

thankfully things worked out but it’s so sad how he realized that it was a mistake a little too late :(

it stings a bit but it also feels so comforting and reassuring seeing it from an outsider's pov bc it's like "you might have forgot about it but you can lean on me, you know?"

ihhh this made me emotional it warms my heart seeing oc so loved and understood 😭

and thank you for mentioning this part !!!! ㅠㅠ i wasn’t sure how it was going to be perceived, and the drabble over all, but omg i’m so happy that you liked it 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

hugs and kisses 🫂💗 i hope you have a wonderful day!

[1d1195]

🎀-anon

So, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? (If you did ask for manicure too)

You deserve all the cute stuff in the world😭🎀 I got up from a very long nap. My head is hurting, but that's fine. I'll take some painkillers, but anyway, so..oh! Yes! I have a lot of exams rn uni is very stressful and I'm only a sophomore😭 but I do care about every class cause I have a lot of dreams and I will hopefully achieve them one day. Btw I'm studying English literature and translation (Arabic - English). I'm an Arab!

Yk, sometimes I feel like I'm the mom in my group of friends, too but getting to know more people i learned that my bff is the mom shes always telling ppl off when they are being rude go me like the other day a colleague of ours was like twlling me that "i dont know anything about Hamlet" like literally 5 minutes before the exam (was she expecting me to help her cheat?)😭😭 so my friend was like oh and what should we do? She's so awesome.🎀

So my exams today went well, pretty well. I don't know why I stress sm when I do well, but I'm thankful. I STILL HAVE 3 OTHER 😭 I literally hate this lifestyle but I'm just a girl yk?

So my ex friend.. well she was toxic from the beginning but I don't know why I kept her I just think she wasn't as bad? Like well she is a bit of a pick me (I'm not trying to talk bad about her I swear I just can't find a suitable description other than that) so when the doctors started acknowledging me in classes she came up to me and started making conversations. So I noticed that she was toxic when she was convincing me to give her answers and when she took my notes without even asking and always, always turning the tables. I swear to God it took me a year and a half to make the decision of cutting her off. Even the prof who I was doing the presentation for and stopped her from ruining it noticed and she talked to me asking me what happened and that she always saw us together, but I didn't want to talk bad about her I just said that I think we're better now and that I don't want to get back to that state again (overthinking if I am the one who's being a lot and not respecting the other person's feelings) but to be honest the breaking point was when she said that I'm trying to show myself off in the presentations we did together I was deeply hurt and the next week she and her circle (one of them being the first girl I knew in campus) but they all sent me looks without talking to me I was with my other group of friends like usual and when I talked to my other friend, mutual friend, she said that the ex friend talked about me with all of them and told them that "I changed and I don't hang out with them anymore and that I am a lot of other stuff" so I decided to stand for myself and now I don't even care about her she's just being rude for no reason (idk why my haters are increasing by time😭 they're just being rude but when I don't act as kind as I did back as a freshman they just hate on me but I don't care that's how we should be right?)

So yeah.. that's the whole story💕💕💕

I STILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS GUY WHO ACTS LIKE THE WICKED STEP MOTHER😭😭😭 HE'S AN ASSHOLE ALWAYS TRYING TO HARASS ME AND SOMETIMES MY FRIENDS I HATE HIM OHHH THATS GONNA BE A LONG ONE TELL ME IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT?😭

My pedicure was good! I picked like this light blue sparkly color. I'm a little bummed it smudged a little (I did a regular pedicure not gel).

I'm sorry about the headache I hope it's gone away since you messaged! As always, I'm so in awe of anyone that can speak two languages. I can barely speak English and it's the only language I know 😭 It sounds like your bff is the best! I love that for you! THREE MORE EXAMS?! You are a trooper.

As for your toxic ex-friend: the very first thing you said? You're not sure why you kept her around? I don't want to put words in your mouth (nor compare yourself to me, I know we're still getting to know each other). I for one have kept a lot of people in my life who I probably shouldn't have for much longer than they needed to be. I tend to naively see the best in everyone even if it's harmful to myself. Unfortunately, I'm wrong a lot. But on some level they WERE your friend, right? Like you did things together, had stuff in common, for better or for worse there was a connection and I don't think that's something that just happens and it's hard to just ignore that connection past it's prime if you will.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, that's something I definitely DO NOT do. I'm glad you have a good friend group to support you and that you're pulling away from your ex-friend. It's natural to grow apart from friends that no longer help you be the best version of yourself so I'm glad you have a group of friends that are kind and lovely towards you 💕

You can tell me all the tea of whoever you want! Bring on the wicked step mother! 😈

xoxo

[alwaysaskerurihan]

Hello my beloved Erurihan ❤️

I hope you're all fine today, but I'm not here for you this time !

[This ask is for the amazing writer(s) ruling this blog. Thank you so much for this, I love this blog so much <3 ! I'm here for the Fic Writers Questions & I chose three questions, but you can reply to 1 only if you prefer of course : 1, 15 & 49. Thank you 😘]

🍭 - anon

"Since the admin was an idiot and shared that list on the wrong blog," Levi sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, "and is now too embarrassed to acknowledge this herself, here we are. She is answering this on her blog."

"Be nice, Levi." Hange scoffs and eyes the anon. "Here's the link to their post on the main blog where fic questions etc would normally be answered."

"Thank you for your kind words about the admin," Erwin says. "They really appreciate it and it's not a hardship for us to explain."

[zhaozaipalooza]

I saw that there might be more kinds of various paloozas in the future and I just wanted to say that sounds very cool. I also recognize the mods are pouring a TON of work into making this event happen. So I wanted to ask, how did you find each other and decide to do the event? I'd be open to helping mod something in the future, but I think I'm more or less alone in shipping my little rarepair. 😞

ray:

I was a private eye stashed in the seedy district of Rarepair Hell… or so the locals called it. Devils they were, crawling around abandoned tropes and daring dynamics, pushing the boundaries of the unknown like my late partner who went down in ‘42.

Boy, had I hit a goldmine for unapologetic crime. I’d reckon I was home.

Got straight to work defying the anti-shipping crowd. We had canoes, kayaks, sailboats held together by grit and spunk alone, tiny but almighty crews I grew to call mutuals aboard The LuZhao and S.S. Zhaozai. Then hit quarantine, the kind of snowed-in null of buzz and song that had us all baking in burnout. Folks called it the Covid Crunch, a stifling few months colder than my ex’s heart, Val… You’d think it was time to hang my hat.

Instead, the grandest imaginable wellspring of creativity and passion brought every gang and crew of Rarepair Hell together. A glorious time. This frigid heart might have thawed a little. And in walked her, the dame of my dizziest daydreams, looking like a million bucks and then some… at the center of it all.

Ah, did I have a sharp nose for hot leads. And she was, indeed, a brilliant tack. An ember in the concrete jungle, lighting the way for a celebration from sea shanties to love in all shapes and sizes, across all stretches. I never minded the wayward side of the wind again.

Should invite her to dinner sometime… polish my best dress shoes, order us moon peach pie. I’d get Miss Crooked towers of gold if it weren’t for this thin wallet. Dream on, they say.

Half of this Palooza is just Ray and I writing love letters to each other, though she writes them far more eloquently and creatively than I ever could. Bear with us, Anon. Your message is lovely and we do answer it in full. Eventually.  

crooked:

I was a young lieutenant, sifting through the sands of time and fandom, scouring tumblr for early Zhao content with which to stock my queue. Early days for me, naive of the purity police and the anti-shippers, unknowing even of what OTPs lay within my own heart. All I knew was that I liked villains, and I hungered for what others had to say about them.

And behold, glittering within the muck of expedient promotion jokes and sideburn slander, there she was. A light in the dark, a ray of thoughtfulness and taste, humour and brilliance. This gleaming jewel beckoned, promising riches and wonder if I would but only brave the deep. Like any good archaeologist I dug.   

Truth be told, Anon, Ray and I began our journey as mods of this event as so many do. We stumbled across each other’s content for one reason or another, hit the obligatory Follow button after liking and reblogging so many posts it felt weird not to acknowledge that, and have continued to swim in similar pools as mutuals ever since.  

The Palooza itself came about -- in true fandom fashion -- out of sheer bloody-minded spite. 

It came to our attention earlier this year that, quite out of the blue, a Zhaozai Week was being planned. We were intrigued -- after all, most of the villain shipping community knows each other, and yet most of us were unaware who was behind the event, which added an element of mystery to it all. We were also naturally very excited, only to then discover that the organizers were not serious about the event and in fact had designed it as a mean-spirited exercise with the express purpose of mocking genuine participants. It was, as another esteemed Admiral says, A TRAP. 

The open disapproval that followed was sufficient for the organizers to reconsider and cancel, but the damage had been done, the carrot dangled, and it became clear that a week for Zhaozai was something that many desperately wanted and were disappointed to have been deprived of. Not to mention be made fun of for. 

The notion of hosting a legitimate event started floating around, with Ray and a few others leading the charge, but concrete plans seemed illusive, largely due to complicated schedules, availability, and the fact that not a single one of us had ever run a fandom event before. 

Nevertheless, we persisted. Hot on the heels of the wildly successful @avatar-rare-pair-ship-challenge I had an idea of what a fun event looked like and made further inquiries as to how the organizers navigated things and made that possible. Armed with this precious info I approached those early proponents of the event, and from there planning with Ray began in earnest. If you think how we’re running things now is ambitious, you should have seen some of the initial palooza plans...   

To conclude, Anon, circumstances conspired to create a environment that was ripe for Zhaozai, and like Rohan we answered the call. 

Future paloozas or character/ship weeks would be amazing, and we’re sure that there is just as much of a demand for them. All that such an event needs is someone (or a couple someones) willing to champion it -- and most importantly, who will have fun while doing so. When the dust has settled from this inaugural run, we’d love to hear from you (and anyone else) who might like to turn the Zhaozai Palooza into a noble, annual tradition. 

And fear not. If our time in the archives of the internet has taught us one thing, it’s that somebody somewhere ships it. Or shipped it. Or will ship it. You’re never truly alone that way, and the more you openly love something, the more it seems that others are drawn to and share in that love.      

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey, its the anon that sent you that trans ask a bit ago! I have another question if that's ok? This time I'm trying to understand pronouns. In your answer to my last ask, you were talking about how we need to respect the pronouns that people choose for themselves. I was wondering if pronouns are tied to gender? Like from my experience most cis males use he/him, but I've seen some stuff about he/him lesbians? What is that. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, I genuinely don't really get it. Are pronouns like favorite colors? The person just chooses whatever they vibe with regardless of their chosen gender (or ungender for those who are outside of the binary)

oh hey dude, welcome back! first off I would like to thank you for the phrase "ungender," which I will be peppering into my vocabulary starting immediately.

so, what's the deal with pronouns? starting at linguistics 101, a pronoun is just a word that can be substituted for a noun or group of nouns in a sentence. that includes words like "I," "you," "we," and "us," but the most commonly discussed and debated pronouns are those that are implicitly gendered.

the basic assumption in English is that he/him/his are pronouns used to refer to men, while she/her/hers are for women and they/them/theirs are for either groups of people or someone whose identity is unknown - for instance, saying "they all went running together" or "someone lost their wallet here, I hope they come back to get it."

as with many cultural norms that are often taken for granted, this rather simple binary approach to language becomes incredibly complicated as soon as you acknowledge that not everyone can be easily parceled off into male/man/he/him and female/woman/she/her boxes!

your comparison to favorite colors isn't a bad starting place, because - much like favorite colors - the seriousness with which people take their pronoun usage can vary wildly from person to person. and much like having a favorite color, none of those preferences are wrong!

for some trans folks, having people use the correct pronouns is a very big deal, because it indicates that the people talking to and about them recognize and respect their gender identity. also, it's just kind of shitty if, say, you're a trans woman who gets referred to as "he" all the time, even if some of those are by people making sincere mistakes, because every instance of misgendered puts the burden on a trans person to either speak up for themselves and potentially cause a scene or just sit quietly and take it, both of which are pretty depressing options. this is a big part of why including your pronouns when you introduce yourself and wearing nametags or pins with pronouns listed are such a big thing in so many queer spaces - it can seriously cut down on the hurt people experience when they get misgendered, and it helps normalize the idea that someone's appearance doesn't necessarily indicate their gender or the correct pronouns to use for them.

for other queer people, their relationship to their gender can be so nebulous and variable that they're comfortable using multiple sets of pronouns - he/they and she/they are both common - or not having any preference at all. I include myself in that category - while I have no problem with the pronouns that people generally default to when they talk about me, I also really don't have any beef with other pronouns getting thrown into the mix. every once in a while someone throws a he/him my way and I think that's simply delightful. it's hilarious, frankly, and you'll never catch me complaining about it, because it's not necessarily any more right or wrong than she/her or they/them or anything else people can think of.

speaking of other things people can think of - some folks prefer using what are known as "neopronouns" which are generally meant to be detached from gender. some sets of neopronouns include xe/xem/xer, ze/zem/zir, and e/em/eirs. I'll say right now: learning to incorporate neopronouns into your vocabulary can be difficult, and that's okay. making the effort to learn and use them if you meet someone who prefers them is what matters. the folks who use these pronouns are being super brave trying to create a space for themselves by inventing language where there previously was none, and I salute them.

to answer your question about he/him lesbians - they're great and I love them! there's a long and rich and BEAUTIFUL history of lesbian expressions of butchness and masculinity, and for some lesbians that extends to wanting to be called by pronouns that are traditionally used for men. some of those lesbians might also take testosterone or otherwise consider themselves transmasculine and/or nonbinary while still being lesbians while others will eventually find the most joy identifying fully as trans men; the world of lesbian gender expression is nuanced and lovely and holds space for a great deal of ambiguity. likewise there are gay men, especially those with particularly feminine or otherwise gender nonconforming presentations, who prefer to use she/her pronouns; bounce rapper Big Freedia is a notable example.

it's also worth noting that many people who are 100% cisgender sometimes dip into adding they/thems to their pronouns as a gesture of solidarity and support to normalize the use of gender neutral pronouns, which I think is cool and rad. this can sometimes cause confusion on the part of onlookers - most recently, actor Rahul Kohli became aware that some fans were under the incorrect impression that he's nonbinary after he changed the pronouns in his twitter bio to he/they - but honestly, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing! uncertainty can be a great conversation starter and make space for a lot of learning.

in short: sure, pronouns can be a lot like favorite colors. some people pick one early on and stick with it forever, some people change it up every day. some people refuse to pick just one, and some people don't have a favorite at all. for some people their favorite color is an extremely serious matter, and for others it's all about the vibes. all that really matters is that when somebody tells you their favorite color(s), the polite thing to do is accept that and behave accordingly.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Hi I am not too familiar with all the details but have some questions. I hope you don’t mind answering them. I thank you in advance for your time!

I think Tony and Peggy are more of the ends-justify-the-means kind. Is that why you are anti them?

I’m firmly Team Cap, I admire his steadfastness in principles though I wonder about Steve’s unquestioning faith in the flawed American ideals. Could that be also why he didn’t suspect Hydra has infiltrated Shield? But is that also why he is even more against Sokovia Accords?

Could you comment on this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0XWTA1n-6M&t=27s ?

Hey there dear anon, I'm always happy to answer asks so thank you for yours. I wasn't expecting this to get so long so my most sincere apologies! Also, I get political on this one, just a heads up. More after the cut.

First things first: my main issue with Stark and Peggy is the framing. I like heroes and villains and everything in-between, it's the self-righteousness that I don't like and if the framing positions them as good people who have never done anything wrong in their lives it tends to get on my nerves lol If those two had been portrayed as what they are I wouldn't have minded them all that much.

That video was interesting (thank you for sharing) and I agree on certain points but disagree on others, mostly on the assumption that Steve believes the American myths, that "he's incompatible with a rejection" of those myths and he "can't coexist with an acknowledgement of the fact that America was built by slaves, etc".

And I disagree with it because while we don't have Steve openly talking about it, it's quite clear in his actions and words that those myths wouldn't be something he'd believe in. Steve is portrayed in these movies as a socialist, but not the way the Americans understand that word, he's a European socialist. He may not speak of immigration but he protects Wanda and is completely against her internment in the compound, he speaks of her and Pietro in AoU as kids who "are at war" - and that's a direct reply to Maria's "WE are not at war".

And this scene in AoU (yes it was deleted but still counts):

He takes off the helmet and fights without it. To me this shows he doesn't like that anyone would ever think of him as a fascist but he understands why someone would look at his suit and the flag it represents and come to the conclusion that he's "one of them". He's aware of the past, he's no fool.

In CW he may not speak directly of it but it is implied in his words that their job as heroes and protectors is not a matter of borders, he treats everyone exactly the same no matter where they're from - as proved in TFA when Erskine asks him if him being German is a problem and Steve immediately says no. Make no mistake, saying that is no minor feat, many people at the time wouldn't have been so sure.

Also, another thing I disagree with is that the video claims Steve is portrayed as the last bastion for truth and justice, etc and we have him and only him when it comes to defending those ideals, but that's not true at all. And I'm not referring to the other heroes, when he gives his speech in TWS his last line is "the price of freedom is high, always has been, but it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one then so be it, but I'm willing to bet I'm not". One of the best things about Steve is that he believes in people, he trusts that there are others just like him who have faith in the same values he does, and in TWS we see just that in Sharon, in that other guy who refuses to launch the ships, there are many people who can and do stand up to Hydra, and Steve knows that.

Then this "Steve represents the old-fashioned" as if that was a bad thing. People in modern times really need to acknowledge that the fights for human rights didn't start with Twitter. This belief that everything in the past was anti civil rights and if it comes from the 50's then it's necessarily conservative is just plain wrong. Whoever watches a movie from those times is very likely to see women having so much more agency than they do now, plots with feminist points and while yes, some of them might be misogynistic and racist, a lot of them are not.

Old-fashioned doesn't equate republican any more than modern doesn't equate progressive. When Steve is talking to Fury in TWS he admits the SSR did certain things that made it hard for him to sleep at night, that they had to "compromise". This line would seemingly agree with the video but the truth is Steve doesn't know even half of what was done in that time after he crashed the plane. Hell, he was surprised to hear about Zola and he didn't even know about Operation Paperclip until Natasha told him. What else didn't he know?

Also, to pretend that freedom and justice are inherent American ideals is hilariously ridiculous which is what the video does. Every time they mention Steve talking about them they seem to think he's parroting some weird fascistic republican views when that couldn't be further from the truth.

Steve is patriotic? Yes, of course. Why do they think he stands up to some people in the government? It's not because he's America-centric or believes that America was built by angels and there was nothing wrong done in how the country presented itself in the past, it's precisely because he knows it that he fights against it.

Those ideals are not specific to America and Steve knows this. He's the son of Irish immigrants who moved to the US in a time where they wouldn't be exactly welcome (we all have seen movies about this, Steve grew up during that time), he was disabled at a time where eugenics were in vogue, and he lived his early life in a specific part of NY where he'd be surrounded by artists and the leftist movement (as left as it can get in America, that is) and he went to Art School. Steve has never been conservative. [There are great metas on this site about this].

I get the feeling though that the video gets a couple things mixed up. I'm in Europe and with the recent rise of the far-right here the fascists have been parroting the same idea over and over again: that they're all about patriotism. And so they act like the flag, the anthem, the army... in short, anything that symbolizes their country is inherently their property. This of course is bullshit.

And so I think that seeing Steve wearing those colours makes the author of the video believe that he's in full support of the American way but that's not it. I can grab the EU flag and hang it in my room and that does not mean I'm fine with all the shit we have done in the past, it doesn't mean I don't acknowledge it or the mistakes we're making now. Look, I'm in Spain, I know what we did centuries ago. But the very act of loving one's flag is not justifying your past, it's acknowledging it and knowing you can do better, that you can be held accountable. The flag is not property of a few, it's property of the whole. And Steve wears it because he wants to do better. Also, the video should have made a distinction between Steve and Cap.

Regarding your questions, he did show he suspected Shield back in The Avengers when he discovered the Hydra gadgets and confronted Fury about it in the helicarrier. And yeah, he's completely against the Accords because they're a direct violation of civil rights. Notice how in the chat with Fury he's thinking of society as a whole, not just the US. It's not a matter of idealism either, Steve is not someone who thinks people should love each other and fly on unicorns, he's seen the worst of humanity, he's seen first-hand what people with power do, some of it good and some of it bad. That scene with Fury shows pretty well how both of them were raised in different times.

And last but not least, Civil War! The points the video makes are not exactly to my liking.

First they say Steve kept Stark in the dark about his parents' deaths: Steve didn't know it had been Bucky, he had no way of knowing it had been Bucky, he could assume it might have been him but he didn't know.

Then they claim what Steve does in the film is protect Bucky and frankly that point has been made ad nauseum and it's not true, Steve's stance against the Accords has nothing to do with Buck, he's against them in principle.

They also say Stark wanted to sign the Accords so they'll do "less missions" and "cause less carnage"? He wanted to sign because he felt guilty and didn't want any sort of accountability at all for whatever he did, that's all. The UN wasn't going with "let's sign these Accords so there will be less violence and more accountability" The accountability angle was propaganda, nothing more.

I do agree with one thing though, CW is not ideological and that's the writers' fault and Disney's. They didn't want to tackle that because the only way you can talk about it is by having the characters literally discussing civil rights for everyone. Imo if there's someone who portrays those 'conservative' American ideals it's Stark, not Steve.

But the thing I dislike the most is when they say "Steve's position is in the right and the America state in the wrong, an elected government legitimately elected by the people, and Steve stands against it". Yes, and? I don't need to remind anyone that Hitler was legitimately elected, do I? And we need to be careful when it comes to a character standing up to a particular action the government has taken and trying to paint that as the character standing up to the entire government - those two are not the same thing.

It's not that everyone in the US congress is a villain, it's that some are. It's not that the system is inherently wrong, it's that some people in it are doing it wrong and need to be held accountable. To claim that since people had voted for them they should be allowed to do whatever they want is... concerning.

So I'm sorry but no, I disagree with Steve being a paragon of America's exceptionalism. The movies are America-centred, that's for sure, but to claim Steve falls prey to that and he's some form of defender of those ideals, that he protects the belief that America never did anything wrong in history and that they're better than everyone else is a wrong assumption - believe me, if that was the case people like me wouldn't like him! Let me finish this with words from the man himself:

“I believe in the American dream. But THIS…this is some sort of NIGHTMARE!”

“You people telling me how I just don’t understand? When it’s you people—you clever people—who don’t get it. I don’t let people die because it’s the lesser of two evils, or expedient, or because it serves the greater good… I don’t compare the act against something else—I see someone who needs help… And I help. You think it’s a weakness. You think it’s simple… But you’re wrong. It’s what makes us human… Which is exactly what we’re supposed to be fighting for. I know who I am. I rescue the helpless. I raise up the hopeless. I don’t measure people’s lives… I save them.”

“Patriotism taken too far is fanaticism. No matter who you are or where you’re from. Foreigners aren’t your enemy, son. I’m the son of immigrants. When I was a kid it was my father’s people, the Irish, who were looked down on. Called filthy foreigners. Discriminated against. Is that the xenophobic America you want? All religions, all nationalities, we all want the same thing. To see our children grow strong. To provide safety to our families. To live in quiet times. Peace, son. Isn’t that why we became soldiers in the first place? To fight for a peaceful world?”

“There’s nothing patriotic about corruption or cover-ups…or defending them. But exposing them, well, that takes a hero.”

Sorry this got so long 🙊

[laheysdork]

i love you - stiles stilinski

request: (x)

word count: 3.8k

warnings: panic attacks, mentions of death, and a tiny bit of angst

a/n: this is officially my first request ever YAY! thank you anon and sorry it took pretty long, was kind of nervous about writing this. and this was supposed to be around 1k-2k only but it obviously exceeded way more 💀 hope you like it! <3

masterlist

I love you — for most people, it’s simply a phrase, one many said to show affection to the people they cherish, to show them how much they mean to them. But for you, those were not just words, they’re a curse.

Occasionally checking your phone for any notifications, you rushed through the buzzing halls with your boyfriend beside you.

“Scott isn’t texting me back. Maybe we should go and ask the twins or something,” you grumbled as Stiles came to an immediate halt. Turning around, acknowledging his absence, you watched him fish out his vibrating phone from the pocket, turning awfully quiet.

“Stiles? What is it?” Immense worry was now in your tone as you stepped closer towards his frozen body.

“It’s from Isaac,” he croaked, eyes not leaving his phone.

“Did something happen?”

“Jennifer. She has Allison’s father. She took him. She’s got all three now,” he stuttered, hands shaking as he put his phone back into his pocket.

Instinctively, your hands settled around his, fingers rubbing smooth circles in an attempt to calm him down.

“There’s still time. We will find them, Stiles.” You tried to reassure him but to no avail. He backed away from you, retracting from your touch as his vision darted away elsewhere, his breathing increasing at a terrifying rate.

“Baby? You okay? What’s wrong?”

He did not answer, continuing to gasp rapidly.

“Stiles?” With one last call, he finally focused on you, panic all over his whiskey eyes.

“I think I’m having a panic attack.”

Barging the doors open, you led Stiles into the empty locker room, supporting him as he tried to move. He dumped his bag to the side, his agitated body bumping into the locker as he sunk down to the floor, you following him seconds after.

“Stiles, baby, look at me.” With all his might, he lift his head up, his watery eyes meeting yours.

“Okay, now try breathing slowly.” You tried to guide him out of it, inhaling with him slowly, but it didn’t seem to work.

“I can’t, Y/N. I can’t,” he cried out while looking down, being even more on edge.

“Shh, look at me, Stiles.” Your palms cupped his burning cheeks, bringing his eyes onto yours.

“Shhh. That’s it, baby. Just look at me.” You shushed him before leaning in, closing your eyes shut and pressing your lips onto his. He first became tensed under you at the sudden contact but then melted right away.

Pulling away slowly, you fluttered your eyes open and drop your hands back beside you as his hyperventilation ceasing, replaced with extended deep breaths.

“Woah, how’d you do that?” he muttered.

“Well, uh, I read it somewhere that holding your breath could stop a panic attack. So when I kissed you, you held your breath,” you explained briefly.

“I did?” he asked, still in a dazed state.

“Yeah, you did.” Your lips purse up into a small beam.

“God, I love you.” He muttered under his breath before pulling you in for another chaste kiss, his thumb rubbing your cheeks before pulling away once again.

“And uh, thank you for not freaking out or anything. I’ve never really talked about my panic attacks with anyone.” He sheepishly brought his hands up to scratch the back of his head, avoiding your gaze.

“Of course I wouldn’t freak out, Stiles, I lo-“ You paused when you realized what you almost said. Stiles fidgeting abruptly stopped, his eyes still fixed on the floor, dodging yours.

“I’ll always be here for you, Stiles. So don’t worry.” You continued your sentence, giving him a warming smile as if you did not almost accidentally speak the word you swore not to say.

A quick lingering silence engulfed the two of you before he finally glanced up, an unreadable expression on his face. “Why did you never say it back?”

“What?” you genuinely asked, being caught off guard by the sudden change of mood.

“I love you. I’ve always said it to you, everyday. But you never return it. Why is that? Do you not love me?” Disappointment was now written all over his face, his voice full of pain as your heart ached for him, your delighted face dropped into a frown.

“Stiles, why would you think that? Of course, I do-“

“Then why won’t you say it back?” You’re taken aback by the sudden rise in his voice, flinching a little.

“Stiles, baby, can we not do this right now?” You brought your hand up to one of his arms, caressing it soothingly, trying to talk him out of it. But your act was met with a harsh reaction as he aggressively shoved your hand away and got on his feet, you following him.

“No, don’t ‘baby’ me out of this. I need to know, Y/N.” His tone was stern and full of rage, intimidating you completely.

“Stiles, please-“

“No, okay?! I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, Y/N, but I’ve finally had it. So please if you don’t love me back then tell me and stop fucking pretending!” he yelled before realizing what he just said, regret immediately washed over him. But no matter how much he wanted to take it back, the damage was already done, his insult stabbing you like a knife.

“Fine. I haven’t said it because whenever I do, bad things always happen, okay?” you snapped, this time it was your turn to be furious.

“You wanna know who was the first person I said it to? My mom, and I lost her in the fire. Then the last person I said it to was Laura, and guess what? She was killed too.” You tried to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall from the sudden recollection of memories as his mouth was agape, speechless.

You cleared your throat from the lump that was forming before wiping your watery eyes.

“The people I said it to, they either leave, get hurt, or even worse, die, and I don’t want to lose you, Stiles. I can’t,” you whispered, shaking your head to yourself as your anger was slowly subsiding, replaced with agony.

Sniffling, you pick your bag from the floor, clutching it tightly in your hands.

“There, you got your answer. Happy?” you snarled before leaving the room for once, ignoring the deadpanned boy who was desperately calling your name.

Immediately, you decided to go to Derek’s loft, wanting to take your mind off the previous argument.

“Hey, how’s Cora doing?” You dropped your bag on the table before approaching your older sister who was lying unconscious, gently sitting on the side of her bed. You watched her breathe agonizingly, lips cracked and pale, looking weaker and weaker by the minute.

“Not good.” Derek stood beside you, stating the obvious.

“Have you found a way to cure her?” You glanced up to your older brother, a troubled look on his face as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Not exactly.” Your head shot over to the source of the voice, Peter leaning on the table as he retorted.

“Derek wants to give up his alpha power to heal Cora. And since you’re obviously the smarter sibling here, please tell him that he’s making a very stupid decision,” Peter said sarcastically as usual, as you stood up from the bed, gaping at your older brother for confirmations.

“Derek, is that true?”

“Oh come on, Y/N. You really still don’t trust your uncle?” You glared at Peter for being snarky at a time like this.

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes before going back to Derek, giving him an interrogatory look which you definitely picked up from Stiles.

“I don’t know, Y/N. It’s the right thing to do, right?” he spoke with uncertainty, doubting his own judgments despite being the older Hale sibling and the alpha.

“Maybe. But whatever you decided to do, you should know that I support your decision and I just want what’s best for you.” You gave him a pat on the shoulder and a comforting smile as he returned it.

The heartwarming moment you just had was cut short by the sound of dramatically slowed clapping as the two of you turned to the perpetrator.

“Wow, that’s emotional. But again, I think you should keep your powers to fight the alphas. This is what Jennifer wants-“ Peter’s reasoning was interrupted by a knock on the door, all of you instantly silenced as you gave each other quizzical looks.

With a whiny groan, Peter decided to check who was interrupting his long logical explanation, sliding the door open to reveal a familiar strawberry blond.

Moving to the side, Peter let Lydia enter the loft before closing the door as she walked towards the table where you and Derek were heading from Cora’s bedside.

“What’s up?” you asked as she started rambling.

“I think I know where Jennifer’s taking them. I’ve been drawing these trees which turn out to be roots actually and-“

She stopped midway, realizing that she was beating around the bush before she straightened herself.

“But anyway, it’s there. That’s where she’s keeping them, in a root cellar or something.” She finally concluded, trying to read all three of your facial expressions.

You knew exactly what she was talking about, having heard the stories about the nemeton, the beacon of all supernatural creatures. But that’s it, you’ve only heard stories. So you darted your eyes to the two older werewolves, expecting to get some acknowledgment only to be met by their puzzling expressions.

“You don’t know where it is? But Stiles said you’d been there.” The mention of his name made your heart drop slightly, your focus instantly went back to the conversation.

“We have. But after a few memorable experiences there, Talia, Derek’s mother and my older sister, decided that she didn’t ever want us going back. She knew how dangerous it was and took the memory of its location from us,” Peter explained.

“But then how are we supposed to find it?” you grumbled, growing more frustrated from the fact that you’re so close to finding them.

“Maybe Deaton could help,” Derek suggested a plausible solution as Lydia nodded.

“Okay, we should head there now, Y/N. The rest of the pack will meet us there.” She shuffled through her belongings, searching for her phone to text the pack.

“Oh, I think I’m gonna skip this one out, Lyds. Cora needs me here.” You gave her an apologetic smile as she stopped rummaging through her bag to try to convince you.

“No. You go help your friends, Y/N. They need you.” Your eyes turned over to Derek who was reassuring you to go.

“You sure?” You gave him another look, hesitating to leave your ill sister behind.

“Yes. Now, go. There isn’t much time.” After giving another doubted look to Derek and receiving a final nod, you took off with Lydia, rushing over to the Animal Clinic.

Entering the building, you were met with your friends, scattered all over the room, waiting for you and Lydia’s arrival.

Scanning the whole room, you found the person you’re searching for, eyes fixated on him. For a short moment, the two of you held your gazes towards each other, silently sending each other some sort of telepathic signals no one could interpret, the air in the room growing thicker before Deaton finally initiated the meeting.

“So what do you know about this place?”

“It has to be on a telluric current, or maybe even at the axis of the two, or where they all intersect. I just know it’s where Derek took Paige to die,” Stiles described, gesturing his hands while he did so.

“My dad and Gerard were there once but Gerard said it was years ago and he couldn’t remember where it was. And my dad obviously isn’t here to tell us now,” Allison whispered the last sentence, her head hung low, feeling heavy and worrisome.

“Yeah, mine either,” Stiles added with a defeated humorless tone as you gaped at him, wanting to do something to cheer him up but not being able to due to the sticky situation going on.

“Then how do we find this place?” Isaac inquired.

“There might be a way, but it’s dangerous,” Deaton who was standing a little farther away from the little circle of discussion you guys had going on a while ago paused, staring into the wall as he explained before finally glancing at you all. “We’re gonna need Scott.”

With that statement, Stiles and Deaton took off to meet up with Scott in the woods, trying to get him to help us.

After the departure, the previous growing tension in the room gradually faded away. The quiet room slowly started to be filled with small chatters again, Allison and Isaac having a mini discussion.

“Did you guys fight?” You were broken out of your thoughts by the vibrant voice of your best friend beside you, folding her hand with a knowing look.

“I thought you weren’t psychic. How did you know?” You chuckled, trying to uplift the dull mood a little.

“I’m insulted, Y/N. I’m your best friend, of course I know it when you’re upset.” She let out a playful gasp, hands dramatically clutching her chest.

“I don’t need to be your best friend to sense the tension all over the room,” Isaac added out of nowhere, obviously eavesdropping on your conversation.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Allison offered to which you declined, shaking your head.

“It’s okay, I think I can handle it. We’re facing something bigger than my relationship problems right now,” you snickered before they went back to their own previous discussions.

At first, all of you were trying to get Allison’s mind off her dad, coming up with topics that would distract her. But midway, you started to feel detached, slowly trailing off into your own mind.

Should’ve you just said it to him earlier? You wouldn’t be in this unsettling situation right now if it weren’t for your cowardice.

For so long you have avoided saying the word, hence avoiding the emotion itself. But when Stiles came into your life, you just couldn’t help it.

Letting your walls crumble down for him, you’re finally able to feel truly content after a while. Loving him was the best decision that you’ve ever made. But you did not think of the inevitable, the unavoidable moment where you have to declare your feelings to him out loud.

It was bound to happen anyway. Despite everything that has happened, your mom and your family, it’s about time for you to eventually make peace with the past.

Hearing footsteps, all of your attention was drawn to the three figures entering the room. After listening to Deaton explain the details about the procedure, all of you immediately started to do your appointed tasks.

You headed off to the back of the clinic where the fridge was, being assigned to grab the ice along with Stiles.

The short journey felt unusually stretched out, none of you courageous enough to start a conversation.

After grabbing the ice, he finally decided to break the crushing silence.

“I’m sorry, for earlier. I didn’t mean to lash out at you. It’s just I was so stressed about my dad being taken and all that. I should’ve not pushed you like that.” He fidgeted with his fingers nervously before your hands covered his, a sincere smile plastered on your face.  

“I forgive you, Stiles, and I’m really sorry that I make you feel that way.”

“No, Y/N, what I said earlier was stupid, okay?” He paused to tug your hair behind your ear. “I know you love me, Y/N, and I don’t need words to know that.”

Both of you let yourselves wallow in the intimate moment you just had before finally joining back with the rest of the pack.

Once the two of you arrived with an obviously lighter mood, Lydia gave you a cheeky look to which you scoffed at as you started to fill the tub with the ice.

After the prep was done, Deaton asked around about the items Scott, Allison, and Stiles brought, each of them explaining the significance the items had to their parents' lives.

“Okay, the three of you will get in. Each of us will hold you down until you’re essentially, well, dead. But it’s not just someone to hold you under, it needs to be someone who can pull you back. Someone that had a strong connection to you, a kind of emotional tether,” Deaton demonstrated.

“Y/N, you go with Stiles. Lydia will go with Allison and Isaac, you can go with Scott.”

Scott, Allison, and Stiles first approached the tubs, hesitantly getting in the icy water, shivering from the freezing temperature. The rest of you then followed to crouch behind them, getting ready to hold them down underwater.

“Y/N,” Stiles called through gritted teeth as you move from behind him to his side, gazing into his honey eyes.

“If I don’t make it, I just wanted to say I love you, Y/N. You don’t have to say it back but I just need to tell you that in case anything happens.”

You placed your warm palms on his shaking cold cheeks as you leaned in, your lips pressing onto his shuddering ones, instantly moving along with yours in a quick passionate kiss before pulling away.

“I love you too, Stiles Stilinski.” You watched astonishment surge through his face as his jaw dropped open.

“What? Y/N, it’s okay you don’t-“

“I want to say it, Stiles,” you reassured him, never been more certain about anything before. “So please prove me wrong, and come back to me, okay?”

He nodded and mumbled an ‘okay’, a newfound euphoria painted all over his face as you went back to your initial position behind him.

Right on the signal Deaton gave, you, Isaac and Lydia simultaneously pushed them down on their shoulders, holding them underwater until they are medically presumed dead.

Fear, that’s all you could feel creeping through your body, especially when you’re participating in the ‘death’ of the person you love. You knew he’s not really dead but watching his submerged unconscious body, peaceful in oppose to his usual frenzied and ecstatic self, terrified you more than the hunters you’ve fought.

For the past few hours, you were restless, agitatedly moving around the room while biting on your nail, constantly taking glances in case of any changes. Occasionally, Lydia and Isaac tried to keep you occupied, initiating a conversation to divert your attention. It worked for a while, but your pessimistic mind gradually got the best of you.

“It’s getting really late. You all should head back and get some rest. I��ll watch over them,” Deaton advised but all of you mindfully declined.

“We want to stay,” Lydia spoke nonchalantly.

“Are you guys sure?” Deaton tried to ensure to which you nod.

“Yes. We just have to head home and freshen up but we’ll come right back to help,” you muttered, feeling exhausted from the few hours of waiting and the much more to go.

Right after, the three of you head over to your own homes, washing up and change into clean clothes before meeting back in the clinic.

You brought a duffel bag with you, dropping it on the metal table on the other side of the room as the rest gathered around you, curious about what you’ve brought. You zipped it open, revealing the bunch of snacks stuffed in it and a few blankets and travel-sized pillows for anyone who might need to doze off as you heard content cheers.

“Y/N, you’re a life-saver!” Lydia squealed and squeezed you into a tight hug as you wondered how she still had that much energy left.

After another few hours, you’ve settled yourself on the floor, a blanket covering your legs as the night grew colder. You tried to get some rest and recharge your battery but you couldn’t seem to sleep, head full with concern as you observed the watch on the wall ticked as time slowly passed by.

────── ˋ*✧₊∘

Opening your eyes, the sudden brightness of the day blinded your vision as you let out a tired groan. You rubbed your droopy eyes, your head a little dizzy. At some point last night, you must have given in to your fatigued body that was screaming for a very much-needed nap.

“I see that you’re awake.” Deaton broke you out of your drowsy state.

“What time is it?” You let out a stifled yawn before apologizing.

He lifted his wrist and rolled up his sleeves, looking at his watch before stating the time, your eyes wide from the answer that was way out of your expectations.

“It’s almost 9 and they haven’t gotten out off the water yet? It’s been 10 hours!” You panicked a little at the inexplicably huge amount of time that has slipped by, hearing Lydia and Isaac who were soundly sleeping beside you started to shuffle from the noise.

“I didn’t know it would take this long.”

Deaton was usually the composed one, always knowing exactly what is happening, but this time he was filled with uncertainty.

As the morning went by, Lydia and Isaac woke up a while after you, also having similar reactions as yours regarding the bad news. Sometime later, Isaac volunteered to go out and grab some food at Lydia's request, all of your stomachs gurgling in hunger. The rest of the day seems a little vague as every one of you only stayed quiet, starting to feel more and more uneasy.

Just as you all felt hopeless, splashes of water echoed through the room which was followed by sharp gasps of air. Immediately, all of you straightened up from your previous positions, full attention to the three drenched teens.

Without thinking twice, you bolted to your boyfriend, clutching tightly onto his torso, ignoring his soaked clothes as you let out a relieved sigh. He wrapped his arms around your upper back tightly, your warm body pressing onto his cold one before pulling away a little, looking stunned which was soon brushed off and replaced by an elated beam.

“I proved you wrong,” he whispered, still grinning.

“I knew you will.” You returned with a cheeky grin before fully detaching your body from him, the front of your clothes a little wet from the contact.

He grabbed a towel and swung it over his shoulders to dry himself as the pack started to address the exact location of the nemeton.

You listened to them attentively while gently resting your head on his shoulders, occasionally snuggling into his collar as your 16-hour-long anguish was finally lifted.

Yes, you still had a lot to do and more people to save, but at least for now, Stiles was back with you, safe and sound in your arms.

And ‘I love you’ were indeed just words, not a curse.

[tetsusgoing]

yes that anon who sent

"tag all of your mutuals and put beside it the kind of person they are im really curious :)"

WAS ME AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA 😏😏

anyways im ready for that kiss 😚

I love u for sending in this ask but my stupid self accidentally posted it when I wasn't done so now I'm answering this one instead. Ok where do I start,

@icedhoneyy : my #1 my 4 lifer my online best friend at this point. Isa is such a sweet and bright person it's amazing to be around her, she had a way of reassuring me that things were fine and making me feel better. Her ideas are all so cute and her writing is so so good she's terribly underrated, once she is back from being inactive I will be the happiest woman alive ok.

@boo-kugo : one my early made mutuals, so so nice and I know she will always be reblogging something of mine. Such an interactive mutual I love that you're always in my notifications and that I can feel so easy with you (read: not wonder if you actually like me or not as I usually do with people) and that your themes are always so CUTE

@kurootosis : lem where do I even start. One of my special kuroo made mutuals (read : we bond over our love for the silly guy) I love the ideas you implement into your writing so much and I love how we both write to comfort ourselves like girls who think about their fictional boyfriend to cope relate to each other so hard yk (I have some of ur work in my drafts but forgive me for not having enough time to read and appreciate it I am heart broken </3)

@mushiemin : my FIRST haikyuu mutual, and when you followed me I was jumping up and down and giggling from excitement cause wow your art is so amazing and if someone like that follows me then I must REALLY be something. I hope you're having a wonderful day whenever you're seeing this !!!

@rayesloveletters : my dear friend ray reblogs all the cutest stuff in the world, whenever she's on my dash I just experience visually pleasant thing like God I am SO thankful we are mutuals. Plus you've been so sweet and so nice to me, especially by reaching out first because I'm deathly afraid of rejection so I'm terribly glad you talked to me first otherwise idk where we would be rn (silent mutuals probably)

@sunamour : I can't put into words how much I love your work. I've probably told you before but everytime I feel like hurting my own feelings I go through your masterlist because your writing is THAT good!! I couldn't believe myself when you followed me actually, because wow.. it's like Beyoncé herself acknowledged my existence okay. Definitely check scar out for suna related works she's amazing 10/10

@sookisaurus : risu is one of my early mutuals too and I remember stumbling across your blog and also feeling excited about having a kuroo mutual. When you wrote me that one shot?? My god I died and went to heaven. Risu is so easy to interact with and she is so talented if you ever don't know where to start in the haikyuu fandom she's an amazing person to talk to!!

@tahdashi : I think everytime sayu reblogs something of mine I get more recognition than I've gotten the whole time I had this blog, safe to say I couldn't believe when she followed me because??? The sayu?? Liked my work?? That one winter kuroo piece is my most popular one now. I also love the way your mind works and I associate you with study boyfriend akaashi (rip sunkeiji)

@wakatshi : miss daria... so cool, so amazing, I feel like she's a huge star and I'm this journalist who she will talk to from time to time and I'm actually just her biggest fan. Amazing themes, amazing energy, such a cool person, and no one is more worthy of the mrs ushijima title. Can't picture him without her popping up in my head actually

@miyasann : I remember when you answered my first ask ever and you called me by my name and I was so surprised that you knew my name like it wasn't right in my pinned post... but basically another incident that felt too good to be true because you are so nice to be around and your Journaling will always have a special place in my heart. You remind me of orange blossoms ok I don't know where that came from but it makes sense !!!

@rinoomi : she's inactive as far as I'm aware but GOD I loved her art so much, I remember coming back from school and checking her blog to see if she drew kuroo again and those were the good old days

I feel like I've forgotten some so I will return to edit them in if it's necessary!!!

[dark-frosted-heart]

Hello! I hope you're having a wonderful day! Thank you for all your hard work regarding ikepri translations❤

I wanted to ask you something about Clavis✨ Could you give us more insight on who he is as a person and the way he views his feelings for the mc? I remember reading a couple times that he wants to test her feelings to see if they're genuine; how does he actually do that? I'm really curious tbh👀

Thank you in advance for answering! Hope you stay healthy and dont overwork yourself too much please🥰

Hi anon, thanks for your kind words!

So, since I don’t have Clavis’ episode 0 story and I keep forgetting to unlock his POV side stories for his main route, I can’t go too deep into his thoughts from before they confessed to each other. I’ll use whatever’s available. 

In his episode 0, he finds an amusing new toy in Emma after seeing her slap the drunk and stand up to Chevalier that he had planned on seeking out the next day. To his luck, she ended up being Belle

Mr. Clavis Lelouch, the prankster, the beautiful menace to society, the second richest prince, is a hardworking self-made genius who loves humans and strives to be loved by all humans. The man that remembers his people. The type that’s willing to betray his country for the sake of a person/people. However, he is not honest with his feelings (honestly, are any of the princes?) and hides his inferiority complex behind a smile. Why he is the way he is now goes all the way back to his childhood. tw mention of suicide and dubcon under cut Also huge route spoilers

Okay, backstory time -  Clavis comes from a line that has served the Michel family for generations. Like how his mother served the queen, it’s Clavis’ fate to serve Chevalier. -  Chevalier was the one that always received attention and praise - Clavis only received attention and praise from his mother - Mother would also always tell him that she loved him (related to his trauma!) - Thought being better at Chevalier in something would finally have him be acknowledged as a prince - And that’s how we get a studious, overworking jack-of-all trades - Even if he wasn’t able to be better at Chevalier, the skills he learned did make people happy or gave him some form of attention. - One example was learning how to read medical text. Eventually, he learned to make medicine for his mother, stuff for pranks, and medicine for himself so that he could continue working through the night.  - Still learning and improving self in the present like when he’d work to improve his cooking to see MC smile. We also learn that his room is filled with books on a variety of topics. And no bed because this man doesn’t sleep. - His mother was always smiling, regardless of how she was truly feeling. The reason Clavis is always smiling is because of her, for that’s what she would’ve wanted and how she lived her life.

Love trauma that adds onto his complex - Like I mentioned above, Clavis’ mother always told him that she loved him. - So Clavis believed that she loved him the most, that he was her number 1. - One day, Clavis’ mother tells him that she’ll love him forever. He thought it was weird for her to say that, but he was young at the time, so he didn’t press. - The next day, she killed herself, following the queen in death. - And so following her death, he believed that he was never the person his mother loved the most. His mother loved Chevalier’s mother more than she loved him. - Since then, he’s been doubtful whenever people express their love for him. He knows women love him for his looks, money, etc. But do they REALLY love him; is he their number 1?  - And so he tests and toys with them. If they cry and run from him, then they didn’t truly love him.

His tests and his love for MC - Malewife once in love. - Almost went yandere in his passionate love end while considering ways to keep MC close to him, but MC stopped him.  - Can’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with her. But he’s been interested in her since day 1. At the time, she was like a new toy for him. - He’s been testing her since her second day at the palace: A test of courage. When he brought MC to the garden to meet Chevalier, and then Chevalier killed an assassin sent after him (by Clavis). At first, MC thought about running, but Clavis stopped her from doing so, wanting her to witness the reality of royalty. While horrified, she stayed.  - In romantic chapter 25, he tells MC why he tests women after MC asks why it always seems like he’s testing her. Clavis had been hoping that MC would be the one that would truly love him. But he always has lingering doubts since he continues with his tests. MC tells him that she’s confident that she won’t break, so he can keep playing with her until he believes that she loves him the most - One of the most painful read for me, passionate route chapter 24 (premium avatar challenge). He’s been in love with MC by this point: when MC and Clavis have their final breakfast together before she has to leave her position as Belle. He nets her and pushes her down onto his bed, wondering about her love for him. Proceeds to kiss her and touch her lightly as a way to break her. Meanwhile MC wants to slap him. Eventually she bites his lip to get him to stop. - Thinking back, there were numerous unspecified times when he was probably testing her. Times where he’d purposely act like a villain, times where he’d say things that’d upset her. But she stuck with him through thick and thin as his accomplice. - He knows he’s being a terrible person, but these “tests” have become a habit and he can’t help himself, even if he doesn’t want to do them to MC. - MC does note that he’s holding back during that time in chapter 24, like he wasn’t trying to actually break her. But he tells her that she’s just harder to break. I believe that he doesn’t want to lose MC and doesn’t want to truly break her, but he has a terrible habit and that lingering uncertainty. - In his both end clear story: MC’s with him now and he can’t change the past. But it doesn’t mean his scars will go away. He’ll always carry this fear of losing someone close to him. And if he were to ever lose MC, he’d never recover. Still, he chooses to love and be with her. With MC by his side, he can find it in himself to face his past. And he doesn’t have to be afraid anymore because he can protect MC now (versus how he couldn’t protect his mother when he was very young).