#we talk about our interests a lot its just some of mine are very niche so i dont talk about them much | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

a-life-lesson-in-submission · 3 years ago

Text

Inside a Submissives Soul

Dear Diary -

I honestly think I am wearing rose tinted glasses. Everytime I see Sir I feel so content, I feel such an inner peace, I feel happiness, everything else doesn't seem to matter anymore.

Straight into his arms, our lips meet, I am instantly taken, I am only his, he is all that matters. I am very self conscious in body and mind. Sir says I don't give myself enough credit, checking over my body, he is approving, I feel attractive, I feel like a woman. He lifts me so I am straddled over his lap, I can feel all of him pressed against me. My lust for him, my attraction to him is pulled in, his gravity is strong. He is cheekily spanking me here and there, the impact turning my grinning into more of a smile, apparently I am a bad girl. Yes, yes I am and cannot wait for my confidence to grow to be able to show him how bad I really am.

We stand up, he has me sit infront of him, he leans in, grips my neck, we are kiss tastingly close, I lose myself in his eyes for a moment, I just want every part of him and I want it now. He lifts the girls out to play, a tweak here and there, it's always just enough to make me tingle whilst barely wincing.

I am relieved from my clothing with all but my thong and ankle socks on... yes... socks... he did this for his own amusement knowing it bothers me... nevertheless, I kept them on, I made sure I obeyed him.

I am to stand again but before I do, he prompts me for my right hand, more specifically, my wrist and wraps a strong velcro strap around with a connecting carabiner clip hook attached, then does the same with the other wrist. As I stand, he guides my wrists up to the hooks within the wall and clips each wrist to them. There isn't much room to maneuver. Facing away from him, his lips, his breath trace my skin, before long his fingers get to work on my sensitives. He pulls my thong down to around my knees, his right hand then starts to play from the back, his left around my front. I am in ecstasy and very noticeably wet. I push back, pull forward, up on my tiptoes, pulling at the restraints, breathing all over the place, moans and groans expressing my pleasure. I get so close a few times. He says 'cum', 'like a good girl, I immediately want to, I need to, I wish I could there and then. He spends so much time working me with his fingers, quickly and deeply to slow and sensual, it gets me everytime. I look down seeing him rubbing me, I am thinking 'that's it, yes please'. He said he could do this for hours, I could take this for hours. Here and there he would spank me, spank my peaches, my sensitives and the girls. Between my head elsewhere and my body on the edge of succumbing to him, I am aware his hand that he is using to finger her changes slightly and now I can feel a thumb perched on my peach rim pushing ever so slightly, I push back encouraging access. I am so very close becoming frustrated at myself wanting that release, my grunts make this quite noticeable.

I am unable to control my jolts and twitches, I don't know how he does it feel second nature with him, completely natural. He chuckles, he seems to really like my responses, he feels my insides pulsate around his fingers.

I am enjoying every second but then I move my right hand and realise its gone to sleep, I let him know through an almost breathless giggled murmur. He asks if he should stop, I respond that he is ok to continue to which he does but only for a little longer. Removing the restraints my right hand is numb, I begin wiggling and shaking it around to bring feeling back, he gives it a little massage as I get pins and needles. I am allowed to lose the thong he informs me but the socks stay put.

I am then asked to kneel on the seat infront of him. He gropes at my peach and tells me to never change it, I tell him I won't let myself drop much more weight and he rolls his eyes as he receives a giggle and kiss pressed against his lips. He then lifts me again, man I love that he can carry me around the way his does even if I am mindful of him dropping me or hurting himself in some way. Again he eases my worries as I am sat up on the raised bed and advises me to lay on my back once again exposing my holes to him. I flinch as the cool lube hits my skin, Sir again chuckles, 'it never gets old'... a stray thought with my inner voice responding that I really hope it never does. I try to express my sarcastic gratitude through cheeky back chat but words escape me as per, an instruction from Sir to hold myself open for him soon has me back on track.

My knees up and wide, he is teasing, probing, he goes through how many fingers, 1, 2, 3 and 4. He notices 2 and 3 has a profound response. I feel something new, something firm yet feathery and very moist, Sir treats me to his tongue, bathing her, finding my sweet spots. He finds my bit after seeking under the flesh folds, flicking, teething, he's everywhere, it's amazing. I can't hold my legs open, I'm writhing, tensing, relaxing, I'm here then I'm gone again, it's closer than ever. My arms fall to each side of me, his come up to reach over them, at first it is a mutual grip that soon turns into a form of restraint. Its building, my legs move, coming in close over his shoulders, my hips rock back and forth, this is it, it's finally here. My body begins to quake, he continues to feed me, my mind goes into overdrive as I feel a wave of deep pleasure fill my senses. Intense sensitivity ripples through me, automatically I attempt to pull away but I can't, his strength is far greater than mine, he holds me in place as he continues to eat me. If this is heaven, I am there. In my come down he is soothing me with his tongue coming to a stop, all I can muster is 'wow', I am beaming and laugh to myself, I can't remember what he said but I know I gave him the double thumbs up to which he says playfully he will go for a triple thumbs up giving her a little lick kiss.

I bring myself to sit up, I need water and before I know it, he's naked. Instant thought 'phwoar', but I actually say 'bumchickawowow', I amuse myself. Sir asks me to move over so he can come up onto the bed, I move to the side but he moves me back as he comes up between my legs. He is over me, hands at each side of my head, my hands quickly meet his body as I feel his member between my thighs, against her, he is ready and so am I. A little tease, I reach down to aim him towards her, Sir says 'ah ah ahaaa', as a let nature take its course and with that, he enters, sitting at the brim before he begins to push as she gives him a warm welcome. I squirm, he feels so big, he feels so tantalisingly awesome. Later I am told he finds my reactions incredibly cute, the way my eyes roll back into me head, almost cross eyed. Only he has this power over me.

My eyes meet his, I am easily lost in them, my hands feel his neck, shoulder, chest and body as his motions from one moment are taunting, another moment they are hard. I want him as deep as he can go, he raises my legs over his shoulders and buried himself within me further. My gawd he is just amazing. His breathing changes, my legs move back to the sides of him, he is thrusting deep asking me if I will cum over him, I nod with a barely there 'yes'. He prewarns me he is close and before I know it I feel his release begin to flow, as he pumps I feel myself release with him. Our bodies merge, foreheads lock together, once or twice nearly headbutting eachother in the process, my fingertips grip him, I want this to last forever for the both of us. It's powerful, it's perfect as he hammers our releases into and out of me. Smiling ear to ear, I can't help but sigh blissfully to myself, our bodies begin to relax and come to a slow stop, naturally our bodies begin to let go of one another, breaking away gently and lots of twitching eeks on my part.

He moves to lay by my side, stating that wasn't his plan, I ask what was his plan, he answers it was to go on longer. I am not disappointed, I make this known and I am more than satisfied with the results and he can be too. Embracing eachother closely, it's quiet, he says I shouldn't fall asleep as he jokes he is not like other men that just roll over and go to sleep, this is something I have said to him before, as much as men do this, I feel I could do too but I am not tired, I am content. Deeply content. I love every moment we have together, from daily message exchanges, the hello when we meet and become instantly close to getting ourselves ready to head back to reality but these moments, when we lay together, these mean everything to me. I am safe, I am happy, I am his.

We talk about anything and everything, his mind is fascinating, the way he is wired, he really is something else and it's wonderful, it's refreshing, his whole being is everything I could ever hope and dream for in a man. We spend some time like this, our fingers tracing one another's skin sharing comfort in eachother, before the alarm sounds. I break away to deal with the demanding noise, hydrate and he prompts me back up to lay with him alittle longer.

We continue to talk, bare pressed against eachother, he educates me on his experiences in places he has visited, clubs etc. It is ever so interesting, I will look forward to being able to see this for myself one day. Although I am not likely to partake, I would very much like to observe but you never know as Sir encourages me to grow on this journey, my confidence may allow me to feel that I am able to interact alittle more physically with others too, who knows. I read, I explore online in attempts to research and understand the many varieties of kink as some is rather niche but each to their own, I do not judge, I just wish to understand how it all works, what triggers an individual to need such experiences in their life, what about it fulfills them. I say I am unsure if I will have a label in the type of submissive I am and likely to become as I feel I have traits from each label but Sir says this is what is unique about this world, you don't have to have a label, we are all who we are, it is not something you can compare with another, everyone is different in their own right. I am comforted knowing I do not have to present myself as being this or that type of submissive. I am just submissive and what I like is what I like, no labels, just me.

He then moves onto feedback after we have played, how important it is and how open we always need to be. It's a massive learning curve for me as I am used to routine vanilla and keeping things to myself. I am more than happy with everything he is doing but I let him know when he goes slow, that really bites me, I also feel he knows more about my likings than I do in the way my body responds. I will be sure to keep check on myself without adding additional pressure, if Sir is to know me inside outside, I need to be able to express myself clearly to him. Everything he does is spot on, I'm just not used to so much physical and emotional interaction, we're both still very new to eachother but do I feel our exploration is mutually driven. Whatever the destination may be, I can only hope at the very least that we have many, many years together on this journey.

Sir notices he has become hard again and suggests he may have to use my mouth, I tell him I don't do hints as my hand moves to reach him and has alittle play. I am instructed to use my mouth, to which I do without hesitation. My satisfaction in giving warms me, he feels so good against my tongue, taking him into me as far as I can based on my angle. I still feel alittle nervous in pleasuring him, I'm not completely certain as yet of what he really likes and dislikes so my confidence has yet to grow in that respect. I tease his tip between my lips against my tongue causing his legs to tremble, I love this, he does it to me all the time so to know I am having him do the same in return is something I feel amused yet greatly satisfied of. He responds with body language that almost says 'tut tut', a light spank or grip against me informs of this so change my tactic slightly but I know I will always be sure to continue to make him twitch too.

The alarm, once again, sounds, urgh, just rude! I break away again to attend to the noise, however, I don't make it off the bed, my motivation to it seems like effort I don't have. Sir brings himself up behind me catching my attention, he eases himself back into me. The music sounding is drowned out with his movements, I am taken again, reality is lost again. He moves at speed, harder, faster to then a slow tease, I can feel it again, I want more. I continue to receive his actions over and over, soon I feel I want to release, I move a hand to feel him inside me and rub at my sensitives. It's definitely there but she won't budge and that's OK. Neither of us have to release to feel we are fulfilled, it is still very, very much enjoyable but I'm sure he knows how eager he makes me feel.

Time is catching up with us, we stop, I push myself up against him, my back to his chest, it's time to get ourselves together. I move off the bed, gathering myself to get sorted, he is far more in tune than I am, I barely function at times as it is, when I am in his presence it seems even more so that I cannot seem to find my senses, I just feel a constant magnetism that prohibits me from wanting to anywhere else in any other form. Whilst moving around to get dressed, I can feel him inside of me, he is warm, the sensation of him dribbling down my thighs cooling slightly as soon as the air touches me, I have a part of him I can take with me, he will stay there a while.

We are dressed and yes, I kept the ankle socks on for the entire duration! He pulls me in, my back against his chest, he feels and gropes at me, I tell him he is mean to wind me up before leaving me. I am sure he does this to reinforce my want, need and desire for him, safe to say it certainly works. I hope it is there for him too. Snap back to reality whilst sharing playful cheek between us, he really does make me laugh. As much as I back chat, sometimes I am completely dumbfounded, I don't always have the ability to present a come back but as always, not that it's a competition, he wins hands down. After all he is the dominant, he is the boss. Most of all he is my Sir...

20 notes · View notes

panharmonium · 4 years ago

Text

beyond the white mountains

Since I’m on an Ealdor kick right now (not that I’m ever not, I mean, but working on that edit the other day and thinking about Merlin running away with Freya just started me feeling things with renewed intensity), here is some talk about my favorite location, for my own satisfaction.

(My deep and abiding interest in Merlin’s home is a pretty niche passion and probably not something that is particularly interesting to others, which means I haven’t ever really typed up any serious musings about it before, but at this point, I think anybody who hangs around my blog knows that my brain is at least 50% unfettered love for Merlin’s pre-Camelot life, so I’m just gonna go ahead and indulge myself here.)

Something that has always been a pet peeve of mine is the fact the map we’re all familiar with as supplemental material is wrong.

I know it comes from the BBC. It is STILL WRONG.

I’m sure most everyone is already aware of this fact, just by virtue of looking at some of the other locations and thinking, “uhhh that really doesn’t make sense” (for instance, in the show, the Isle of the Blessed is canonically stated to be in Odin’s kingdom, whereas on this map it’s in Camelot) - but my particular area of interest, due to past writing escapades, is Ealdor and Cenred’s kingdom, so just to set the record straight on those locations specifically - this is what our supplemental map tries to tell us:

And this just isn’t right. Canonically, Ealdor is NOT to the east of Camelot. Cenred’s kingdom is NOT on Camelot’s eastern border. And the White Mountains are NOT all the way over there!!!

Here are the Real Facts™, courtesy of the show:

1. Ealdor is NORTH of Camelot.

“So where are you headed?” (Tristan, asking where Merlin and Arthur are going, as they’re on their way to Ealdor.) “North, over the border.”

“We're heading north to a safe haven. To Ealdor.”

2. The White Mountains lie BETWEEN Ealdor and Camelot, not way out in West Nowheresville.

“I know a place. Ealdor. It's beyond the White Mountains.”

“Ealdor lies at the far side of that valley....Agravaine couldn’t have tracked us through the mountains.”

You can even see the mountain range in the show. Ealdor is visibly situated in the valleys created by the foothills of The White Mountains. Merlin has to hike THROUGH the White Mountains to get from Ealdor to Camelot:

And then this is the view on the way from Camelot to Ealdor:

And this is literally what Merlin sees every time he looks out his back door. (This shot is from Hunith’s POV, when she’s standing on the village green watching the fab four head back to Camelot.)

The map can say what it wants, but the White Mountains are NOT all the way over in the western reaches of Camelot, and Ealdor is not out to the east. The mountains are NORTH of Camelot, forming a border between Uther and Cenred’s kingdoms, and Merlin’s home is nestled in their foothills. When Merlin is out haymaking every June in the meadow pictured above, he’s doing it in the shadow of those very mountains.

[This fits, too, with Hunith’s comment to Uther that “winters are harsh in Ealdor.” The climate in various mountainous regions can differ tremendously, obviously, but if Ealdor is on the windward side of the range, it would receive a lot more precipitation (more snow!) than Camelot on the leeward side. And then there’s mountain/gap winds to consider, altitude, etc - all things that could contribute to Ealdor experiencing slightly different winters than Camelot.]

It matters, too, when we think about the scene Merlin has with Freya in 2.09, when they’re talking about their respective homes - when Freya tells him her home was "surrounded by the tallest mountains” - when she talks about the winter storms, and the wind, and the summer wildflowers; when she says it was like heaven - that resonates with Merlin. Freya doesn’t necessarily realize it, because Merlin has been more reticent than her about describing his home, but a lot of what she’s describing is familiar to him. It speaks to him. It paints a picture of something he misses, in a complicated way; it’s something he sees as beautiful. “It sounds perfect,” he says to her. And he means it.

There are a number of reasons why Merlin decides to run off with Freya in 2.09, and this is hardly the most important one. But it does matter, and I personally think taking Merlin’s tangled, frequently-suppressed homesickness into account when we try to understand who he is and why he does the things that he does is relevant, always, even if that particular side of him usually goes undiscussed.

We know some other things about the geography surrounding Ealdor, too, though those features aren’t so egregiously mislabeled on the map.

We know that there is a forest somewhere along the border that extends into Cenred’s kingdom (it’s labeled on the map, it’s just not big enough):

“We're going to Cenred's Kingdom, aren't we?” “What makes you say that?” “Er, because we're in the Forest of Ascetir and we're not stopping?”

(honestly, lol @ Arthur asking Merlin “what makes you say that”.....Merlin’s like “uhhhh i was born here??? i know where tf we are”)

We also know that there’s a “Ridge of Ascetir,” per Uther (I assume it’s associated with the White Mountains, but we can’t know that for sure):

“Ealdor lies beyond the Ridge of Ascetir. For an army of Camelot to enter it would be an act of war.”

^ The above two elements bring up a point that I haven’t actually ever seen discussed anywhere else, and I assume it’s just because I wasn’t involved in fandom back when the show was actually airing - but, for clarity’s sake: there is NO canon indication of what Cenred’s kingdom is actually called. I’ve seen the term “Essetir” used in some places on AO3, but that’s not something that actually comes from the canon, and I assume it’s just a fanon misspelling that emerged out of people mishearing the word “Ascetir” (or “Aesctir,” as 1.10′s subtitles put it) when characters were talking about the forest or the ridge. The only places that canonically bear that name are the Forest of Ascetir and the Ridge of Ascetir, both of which are partially located in Camelot - there is no indication that Merlin’s home country is actually called Ascetir, and in fact the kingdom is only ever referred to as “Cenred’s kingdom” (or Lot’s kingdom, after Cenred is dead).

In terms of the rest of the area’s geographical features: we already know about the mountains (discussed above), and some sort of cave system (”I thought you said you grew up in these tunnels”) which exits (in one place, at least) out onto the side of a mountain, beyond which are plains (in Arthur’s words, when he suggests moving further into Lot’s kingdom) and then in the other direction there’s the Forest of Ascetir. We know that there is a river associated with Ealdor (Morgana says “they’ve crossed the river” re: the bandits in 1.10), and we also know that Ealdor itself is bounded on one side by a steep stone ridge (the same one that Agravaine’s men line up on to surround the place):

And this ridge actually fits very well with what we see of the village itself. Ealdor has to be located in an area where stone is easily accessible, otherwise its buildings would not look the way they do. (BBC Merlin is, of course, a fantasy show, not taking place in a particular historical period, but just drawing from real history, most peasant homes in medieval England were not of stone construction, unless the village itself was located in an area where stone was plentiful and easy to access. Moving stone for construction purposes was incredibly labor-intensive and, generally, prohibitively expensive. But Ealdor is obviously located in an area where stone is readily available, and you can see indications of that in the image above.

Ultimately, is any of the above information relevant to anyone who isn’t me?

No, not really. And are there a lot of ways in which this show is often super inconsistent when it comes to geography? Yes, absolutely. (The Lake of Avalon, for instance, is ALL OVER THE PLACE.) But, surprisingly, geographical info on Ealdor/Cenred’s kingdom is actually pretty consistent throughout the canon, and the map is the odd man out - so since canon tops supplementary material for me, and since the map is so clearly wrong about other things, this is how I conceive of Ealdor whenever I think/write about it.

#hey pan just how much time did you spend parsing ealdor before you started writing last year?#.........A Lot #i am who i am folks #and who i am is someone who spends absurd amounts of time on very very niche things #the once and future slowburn #meta #beyond the white mountain

286 notes · View notes

fannish-karmiya · 2 years ago

Text

I really feel like it's been getting worse fairly rapidly? Just 6 years ago, I had an Instagram and averaged about 30 likes per post. Not a lot, but my posts showed up in the tags I used and I could convince myself that things would progress from there; but instead, Instagram switched to organising tags by most popular posts first, and engagement on any posts not by users with established large followings dwindled down to basically nothing. This has been happening on every social media site, to the point where I just don't see how anyone who isn't already 'big' stands a chance of ever getting their work seen. But as long as there are enough legacy creators doing well, enough random people going viral and getting lucky (and big corporations being successful because they have the money to throw at the necessary advertising to make themselves successful on these platforms), then these platforms have no motive to ever change the situation. The many other creators who might have been able to have successful accounts (and ad revenue) don't matter to them, because they're doing just fine with what they already have.

It's also become so much more impersonal! Social media sites don't prioritise communication any more; comment sections are often very limited if they exist at all, and a lot of sites (like Twitter) have monstrously small word counts per post just to make sure you can't sit down and have a nice chat with someone over your favourite book. If your post can't be expressed in 300 characters, forget it. Back on LiveJournal, we all used to talk to each other so much! My inbox was full of what were essentially letters from friends and just random people who replied to a post of mine, and we talked about books we liked and really...communicated. That's so rare nowadays. It leads to a lot of people misunderstanding each other on sites like Twitter, us all viewing each other as 'enemies' much more easily and getting into mobs, and everyone just feeling...lonelier. I have no idea how to make friends on the internet nowadays; most interactions are a couple of lines back and forth and then done, and I have no idea what language people use nowadays to try to indicate that they're interested in talking more and seeing if you could be friends.

Oh no, the Hayes Code. It really is like that! To some extent, I think 'weblining' is a modern equivalent; because payment processors and web hosts won't accept any content they deem 'obscene', this means that huge swathes of content are essentially de-platformed. There are very few platforms for art with erotic elements nowadays; ironically, Twitter in all its awfulness is one of the better places for it. Or you could use a tiny site like Pillowfort with basically no users, so you have a platform for no one. Archive of our Own is great, but it's only for fanfic. Patroen has had its issues, but is generally good; however, it's a subscription platform for creators who already have a built-in audience, not a site for discoverability for new creators.

Quite frankly, being on the internet nowadays depresses me, but it seems like there's no real alternative for creators. I remember reading an article more recently which interviewed Lindsay Ellis, and with some resignation she said that she'd probably still have to go back to Twitter to please her publisher, despite how viciously she was treated on social media in the past.

Finding people with whom you share interests (and actually talking to them!) is so hard nowadays! Social media is all 'hit that like button and move on', rather than actually communicating. And given how hard it is to meet people in real life who share more niche interests...well, that contributes to that feeling of loneliness. What should I do, stick up a sign in my neighbourhood at the postbox asking if anyone likes Cnovels or classic shoujo manga?

Another thing that's happened is that areas which are for niche interests get caught up in fighting. I post fanfic still, but otherwise stay out of fandom, because I found it was so caught up in fighting over people's opinions over the novel and trashing those you disagree with.

Oh no, I'm sorry about your ocarina! At...at least it played? And it's so cool that you can play the ocarina!

I feel like because we largely use social media as a place to unwind, we're all very reluctant to discuss it as a harmful system. I don't just mean stuff like people behaving abusively on social media, but as a system itself.

Creators on social media are essentially told that we just need to post more and tag better and game the system better. Keep hustling and one day something will happen! The problem of how difficult it is to get 'exposure' on social media as a creator is treated as an individual problem which requires an individual solution ('just hustle better'), rather than as a systemic problem.

It's sort of like a big downtown area full of shopping, and a mix of big chain stores and locally-owned, independent stores. But all the roads are very careful to direct you towards the big malls and chain stores; those areas have clear signage, smooth traffic and great parking. Meanwhile, the areas where the local stores are have terribly-maintained roads and there's no signage in town to direct you to them. They're set up to fail.

But the town tells them that it's their fault; they just need to sell themselves better. If they do that, then eventually their efforts will bear fruit, and they'll start seeing more traffic to their stores! But it never happens. Maybe, on occasion, one store gets very lucky and is offered a spot in one of the big malls or other high-traffic areas, and they meet with success. But everyone else is still sitting in the dirt, opening a store and selling merchandise to no one each day, because the entire system in which they're taking part is actively working against them, making the already-successful more successful while everyone else is left by the wayside. And every day, they open up and wonder why they even bother, and lose a little bit more of their will to live each day, but they can't opt out of the system because there is no other one.

There you go. That's what being a creator on social media is like.

28 notes · View notes

hannaswritingblog · 3 years ago

Note

Hi this is Emcon!! One of my best friends is Polish omg I used to have the best dinners with his family.

Soo… what are some of your favorite meals that you think Poland does best? If you were to get takeaway, what are your go-to’s? And what are some inside jokes/stereotypes about the city/area you’re from?

Like my city (in US) is known for getting really drunk and fighting over bad driving (this tiktok sets it up pretty good: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRrtUC3J/) it’s a very specific stereotype and vibe if that makes sense and I love hearing about niche stereotypes or inside jokes from other places!

Hey, hey!

On behalf of your friend, I appreciate you liked the dinners with his family! ;P

Seriously though, we do have some meals that we do best! First thing that came to my mind was pierogi. I feel like it's more or less exclusively Polish dish since I don't think I've really seen it available in abroad restaurants or shops (and I've been to a few before the pandemic) so I don't have comparison, but those I've eaten around Poland are always delicious, so we're definitely nailing it.

Fun fact about pierogi: the name technically translates to dumplings, but from what I've heard and read from people living abroad (and not being Polish), dumplings can mean pretty much any kind of dough with stuffing, but if they want to talk specifically about Polish dumplings that look this way:

they know and use the name pierogi. I don't know to what extent it's a rule, but I know that from at least two seperate sources, so I guess there's something about it.

For the takeaways, I feel like it's funny after talking about this traditional dish that I love, but my go-to's are usually things from KFC or McDonald's, or sometimes a pizza from some local places. I eat takeaways once in a blue moon anyway so when that time comes it's usually because there's not much to prepare a dinner from in the fridge or we just came back from a vacation and everyone's tired, so in the end someone in the house would just say "alright, let's order from KFC" and that's it. (I once had a takeaway chicken soup though and I didn't expect much from it because my mom makes the best chicken soup, but it was actually delicious.)

For the stereotypes, I don't think there are any about my town specifically? BUT there's a couple about the region where I live. One of the biggest is that we are all miners because we are famous for our coal mines, but obviously it's not really the thing anymore, like yeah, both my grandfathers who lived here were miners but in my generation I have like one cousin who still works in a mine and I feel like it's still a lot for modern standards? We don't have that many mines now anyway because the coal supplies are running out and they're slowly closing (like in my town there used to be two, one was razed to the ground a few years ago and the other still exist but was closed too.)

Other stereotype would be that we are basically Germans because my region was a disputed area for a long time and it was actually a part of Germany for a moment, but it's a flex to say we are all Germans. Some people might identify this way or they might be saying they feel bigger connection to the region than to the whole country (so they are Silesian first and then maybe Polish), but that's not enough people to say we are all like that. It really depends on your family history and how you feel about it now, personally I always say I'm Polish and it's a tradition that goes up to my great-grandfather who fought in the uprisings to make Silesia a part of Poland. (I feel like my grandfathers and their stories of wars/uprisings is an interesting thing on its own, but let's leave it for another time.)

I don't know if I answered your questions well (especially the stereotypes one where I spend more time contradicting them 😅), but I hope you enjoyed reading through and maybe learned something new!

#ask game #the-radio-star #emcon-imagines #poland #get to know me

6 notes · View notes

friendofspidermannedleeds · 4 years ago

Text

2020 overview: writing edition

Tagged by the loveliest and kindest of friends, @momentofmemory.

I’m not tagging anyone because I’ve not been around and am sure most have done this by now, but if you’re reading this and you’ve not been tagged and would like to participate please say I tagged you! <3

1. List of works published this year

The Kid Really is Smitten (Peter & Happy, Peter/MJ. 233) Nightmares and New Beginnings (May & Peter. 733) Normal Teenager Stuff (May & Peter. 5+1, 1.8k) Breaking a Promise (May & Peter, May & Tony. 3.3k) Carry Me (Morgan & Happy. 1.2k)

Fictober 2020 Series * Works around 1k+ include: Somebody to Talk To (May & Karen. 1.8k) Fireproof (Happy & Peter. 904) Flight Conversation (MJ & Peter. 967) Incalculable Worth (Ben & Peter. 2.8k) Regrets (May & Peter. 1.2k) A Nice Peaceful Afternoon (Mr. Harrington and the AcaDec kids. 3k)

Knowing (Peter/MJ, May & MJ. 2.5k) Forever Ours (May & Peter, May/Ben. 3.8k) 2. Work you are most proud of (and why)

I think it would have to be Incalculable Worth from my Fictober series. I’m forever disappointed in the Ben Parker erasure of the MCU and had been wanting to give him the respect he deserves. Most of this fic came to me much more quickly than my typical writing inspo (that Fictober deadline magic!), and even though I still have things I might change about the final product, I’ve never been so pleased with a fic’s result and reception. Several lovely people stumbled across this fic on Ao3 and left kind comments about how moved they were, which makes me think that I did what I set out to do!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why)

This would be Nightmares and New Beginnings. I just think it’s weird. I was so new to fic when I wrote it and was feeling experimental one night. I normally write quite slowly and edit a lot, but the idea for this one came to me after midnight and I published the fic before 2am. I hated it when I woke up and nearly deleted it. Two months later, as I was beginning to post Fictober on Ao3, I almost deleted it once again. The words of one extremely kind commenter saved it from destruction, however, so it’s still there!

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing

This is going to be hard for me because I don’t actually enjoy my writing for its composition! I like the concepts and character interactions a lot but I’m not terribly proud of my actual writing ability yet. 😬

My favorite thing I’ve written lately is the ending to Forever Ours, my new fic about May and Ben adopting Peter, but I don’t want to put it here because it might be a very minor spoiler.

So here’s a little section of Trust, my last Fictober ficlet. I liked it because May’s inner turmoil over Peter’s Spider-Man life is one of my absolute favorite things to write about.

What troubles her most is this: whatever is out there, whoever he’s fighting—they won’t know he is fifteen. That he’s a child. That he loves Legos, and Star Wars, and science puns, and Mathletes. But what can she say?

He’s not asking for permission. He’ll do this no matter what she says, and they both know it.

He is asking for her blessing.

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received

This review meant so much to me! This lovely commenter read multiple May and Ben Parker fics and it was so nice to find that I’m not the only one who wants more of the Parker family than what we get in the MCU. It made me feel like my niche writing wasn’t of interest to me and me alone after all. :)

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

Halfway through Fictober, I lost one of the most important people in my life. It was devastating. Writing was nice about 90% of the time, and actually a nice distraction that helped me take a break from the grief. But sometimes it wasn’t, sometimes it felt impossible, and that was when I’d just skip writing or posting and wait until it would serve me again. (So I finished Fictober a little later than I wanted to, but I have 0 regrets about that.)

7. A scene of characters you wrote that surprised you

I only wrote one thing that wasn’t an MCU Spidey fic, and that was Carry Me with Morgan and Happy. I wasn’t expecting to write it at all, and it’s not one of my favorite finished fics, but I really enjoyed the process.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year

I grew by writing fic for the first time! My job for the majority of this year involved a lot of nonfiction copywriting, so I’m an experienced writer, but I had no idea what writing would be like outside my “professional life.�� I’m glad I tried it!

9. How do you hope to grow next year

I’m hoping to finish and publish a longer (for me) fic! I’m currently working on Penance, a fic about MCU Spidey’s origins and Uncle Ben’s influence. It should be at least 6-7k by the time I’m finished. I know that is actually short, but I haven’t even cracked 4k yet 😂 Longer fics stress me out because I don’t feel confident enough in my ability to tie together so many words, and I also can’t come up with plots to save my life. So this will be a stretch for me and I am looking forward to it!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta of cheerleader or muse etc. etc.)

This is, without question, @momentofmemory. For so many reasons. (Sorry in advance for how rambly this will get, my friend.)

Mem’s writing (particularly this May fic that is perfection and no I will never stop rec’ing it til the day I die thank you) is to blame/thank for getting me into fic in the first place. I’d been here in the Spidey fandom on Tumblr but I didn’t trust fanfic because I’d seen my most beloved characters shoved to the side/killed off in too many stories. I began 2020 hating all fanfic tbh. But then I read Mem’s captivating masterpieces (like this, the greatest one-shot!) and opened my heart to fic that celebrates the worlds I love!

Mem is the kindest human ever. She read ALL of my Fictober works and left the kindest comments that made my heart soar. Knowing that my favorite author had taken the time to read all of that motivated me to write more than anything else has this year!

Sometimes, when I was trying to write fic but felt burned out or uninspired, I’d go and read Mem’s writing. Her prose is divine, her dialogue is realistic, her characters and their relationships are so well thought-out--her work inspires me! I’d read it and feel excited by the ways that we can use our words to create beautiful things, and though I’m not anywhere near her level, I do think that reading her work has made me a better writer.

Bonus positive influence: @i-lovethatforme! Jess, thank you for being the world’s best cheerleader, for being endlessly kind and supportive, and for being my first ever beta in November. I go back and read your wonderful comments whenever I’m doubting myself. You’re an absolute gem and ilysm ❤

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year?

Yep. Regrets is about grief, and I was grieving pretty heavily when I wrote it. Peter’s regrets didn’t necessarily mirror mine, but writing it was still a cathartic experience.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers

Write what you want to write! Since I don’t do IronDad or smut, I wasn’t sure if anyone in the MCU Spidey fandom would be interested in my work. I thought briefly about trying to write based on what I thought people would read, but I decided against it. I enjoy writing platonic friendships and family fic more than anything else, so that’s what I publish most. I write what I want to write, and it’s made me so happy!

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year?

I have a few things I’m excited about! I’ve got some Spideychelle ficlets that might be a series. They’ll focus on Peter and MJ after coming back from The Blip, featuring MJ trying to ignore her crush and Peter developing a crush. The other is Penance, the MCU Spidey origins/Ben Parker story.

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year

I think I’d say Knowing, my fic about Peter/MJ that’s more about MJ & May bonding. I just love these two women with all my heart, and I’m proud of the way this one turned out because I think it honors both of them pretty solidly.

15. End of Year word count

36,625 words! It’s not a lot in comparison to other writers but it’s a huge accomplishment for me!

#love u mem #thanks for the tag #<3 #tag games #tag game #my fic #2020 recap

12 notes · View notes

mudrocksys · 2 years ago

Text

I wrote an entire thing about the downfalls of adding PK to servers from a moderation standpoint but eventually i just put it in the drafts to instead address something different, something i think Circ and FF didn't touch upon (even though their additions are very good) but it'll be a bit long so bear with me.

I joined a server dedicated to talking about various cartoons (no specific focus, although I joined for one cartoon), it's also a roleplay server. I'm personally very uncomfortable with roleplay for reasons I'm yet to understand, but I was fine joining, and saw the server had Tupperbox in it. Of course I was just talking there pretty casually, sharing fics and headcanons, you know, typical fandom experience, but I also talked a bit about general topics in the general chat. So one time, the server was talking about the roleplay bot - about how some people made weird tuppers and stuff - and I made a joke about thinking other systems were here because I saw Tupperbox before seeing the roleplay channel. My mistake was saying "other". That was it. I expected the conversation to keep going on its original path, what I didn't expect was the admin of the server immediately going;

"oh I didn't know!! I'm so sorry, do you want us to add pluralkit?"

My immediate response? Dread. I said no, and it was added anyway, "just in case". I felt shitty, like I had made them feel ableist for not adding it, like they were forced to. But I felt shitty for other reasons.

I didn't like being put on the spot like that having an entire conversation between 5 different people stopped just for me, I didn't like people assuming I couldn't function without pluralkit, I didn't like the assumptions about my system structure– the assumption we used pluralkit by default (that literally was a lucky guess), but the reason why I didn't want pluralkit there was because I had joined the server not as Mudrock the system, but as Zara the system host. I'm the one who likes the cartoon, I wanted to talk about it there, it's a thing that's mine and for the conversation to be shifted from "zara the user" to "zara subset of mudrock the user" feels... uncomfortable. Our switches aren't common and a lot of our other members drop discord completely asides from important conversations or niche personal interests, so it just looks like our system is Me and Me alone most of the time, and I don't like that image.

I feel pressure to show my alters, to show my system card, to show anything – everything – because it just reaffirms that little nagging feeling of faking. It reminds me I have a 89% front percent on PK. It reminds me I don't remember losing time after a while or that usually there aren't chatlogs of what happened while I wasn't fronting, and even though I'm very much dissociative – even though I've been "diagnosed" by a shady unregulated medical center, more qualified physicians have said my dissociation was evoking clinically significant distress – I feel fake because every time I type I can feel the eyes on me, the eyes that expect a different person to pop up just because I'm a system and they whisper if you're not going to be someone other than Zara why did we add this bot for you to begin with?

Tl;dr, I don't like people adding pk to servers when they find out I'm a system because it makes me feel like I have to "earn it".

The position of "add PK for accessibility you have no reason not to" exerts pressure on moderators to accommodate hypothetical systems who might not even join because they don't want to be ableists in any shape or form (like how MY wishes were ignored in favor of "just in case"), but it also exerts pressure on the preexisting systems who don't want the complex struggles of existing as a system (yes, that includes syscourse) to carry over into an escapism space.

Add PluralKit to your goddamn servers. There is no fucking excuse. I'm so tired of asking and being told no for bullshit reasons. You're a moderator. Moderate your goddamn server.

Do not deny accessibility options for people just because someone might abuse it.

I have never seen someone actually misuse PluralKit or TupperBox for nefarious purposes. The only instance it's been misused in our recollection is when it was used to roleplay, to which we asked them to stop and they did.

Just admit you're fucking ableist and move on. I actually hate you. If you don't add PluralKit when asked, I genuinely hate you

🧬

#syscourse #pluralkit #long post #[zara]#also a side note #this is our only account that isn't predominantly run by me #and the disuse shows #even though people show up it's very rare and holy shit haha it sucks #but irl is better than online in this regard because i actually get my distress over symptoms comforted and it helps #online i just feel like i made everything up.#probably vent

334 notes · View notes

unicyclehippo · 5 years ago

Note

beaujester star wars au..... beau is a cocky rebellion pilot that’s a little Too good at dodging and firing shots, and jester is a princess-turned-junior senator-turned rebellion supporter. they are both force sensitive and kiss

The star base has been overrun by decorations and muted music, louder toward the centre of the hanger and half-volume at the edges, where a few hand-picked individuals - volunteers, probably - are keeping an eye on the alerts still. Colourful lights spin over the ceiling in programmed patterns that put Beau in mind of the star maps she reads on a daily basis, and the longer she looks, the more she starts to think they actually are star maps. Blown out to make ‘em look all pretty, though. That’s what decorating on a tight budget looks like, though.

She’s leaning against the landing gear of her fighter, largely hidden by the shadows of her wings, and doing her utmost to strike a balance between looking incredibly cool but incredibly unapproachable whenever anyone looks her way. It’s hard, and she’s pretty sure she just looks injured, but no one has come over to talk to her and that’s a win in her book. No one, that is, save for Fjord.

Fjord Tusktooth - tall, green, surprisingly lean for an orc, tusked as the name suggests and a damn good pilot, her Captain actually - sidles over, arms raised over his head as he steps through the dancing crowd. He tries his best not to let the drinks spill but he’s licking what looks like jet oil off his hand when he reaches her.

‘That better not be mine, Cap.’

He rolls his eyes. ‘Can humans drink strick-oil?’

‘No.’

‘Then it’s not yours, is it? What’s wrong with your face?’

‘What? Nothing! Give me that.’

It doesn’t smell like a drink; it smells like it’ll strip her innards of anything and everything useful and replace them with alcohol. Luckily, that’s exactly how she likes her drinks. Taking it from him, she flings it back, feels it burn all the way down. It hits her system like a punch to the face from a nydak.

‘Good?’

‘Fuckin’ awful,’ she rasps. ‘Cheers.’

He laughs. Settles into place beside her, sipping at the thick oil drink. ‘So. Any reason you’re all the way over here instead of letting all of these lov-erly ladies lavish you with attention?’ He waggles his brows as he asks and grins, very much aware that he’s the only one who can get away with asking her these kinds of questions as baldly as he does. Mostly because he manages to ask in a way that doesn’t make her wanna use him for shooting practice. And a little because he’s her superior officer. ‘I’ve turned down two proposals on your behalf - you’re welcome.’

‘Huh? What? Who?’

He points them out subtly - one a dusty pink alien clad in white and gold, with about a half dozen tentacles drifting around her head like a mane, the other a waist-high, bearded lady who winks right at Beau when she sees her watching.

‘That’s kinda my call, isn’t it?’

‘They offered two nerfs for you -’

‘Like, both of them together? That’s hot.’

‘What? No - Beau,’ he laughs. ‘The point is that you should know your worth.’ His face goes carefully blank as he tries, very obviously, not to smile. ‘Three nerfs.’

Beau snorts. ‘Shut up. I’m going to get another drink. See if you can get them to bid higher for my hand, yeah? Remind them that I lead Team Two today. Integral to the battle. Integral.’ He salutes and she pushes off the wall, walks toward the party just long enough for his eyes to slide away from her. She steps sideways into the corridor and ducks out of sight, breath coming out in a gust.

Tyr-Mannou Star Base is built deep in the asteroid that orbits the planet, hidden from prying eyes and ears by the layered rock. Beau hadn’t been listening a hundred per cent when it was explained but something about the metals in the area, and in this planet, seemed to provide a buffer - mild, temporary - to long-distance scanning and surveillance. And at this point - haggard, hurting - the rebels will take any buffer at all.

It’s good for the rebellion, to be buried in the asteroid.

It’s hard to find fresh air, though, and Beau pulls at the collar of her jumpsuit, unzipping it until she doesn’t feel like she’s being strangled.

Moving farther from the party, down the corridor and just away, Beau lets her feet carry her aimlessly at first - listening to the sound of her boots on the metal, echoing in the tin-can corridors, hiding briefly from the passing technicians who don’t seem to notice her in the various shadowed niches she finds. And then less aimlessly, until she realises she is headed directly for the command station.

The room isn’t dark, not ever, but it is running on a skeleton crew who look up suspiciously at her entry, relaxing when they recognise her face - or, more likely, the badge affixed to her shoulder.

‘Lionette.’

‘Commander.’

‘Shouldn’t you be at the party? I heard your squad was receiving a commendation.’

‘We are. Did, Commander.’

Commander Dairon - a hard-ass and a legend in the fighter crews for the Battle of Sotheirrik in which they led the harrying of a military convoy for two fucking weeks - looks her over with a cool eye before nodding. ‘Made an appearance at least, I hope?’

‘Sure did.’

‘Good. Get some rest, Lionette. There will be plenty of work come morning.’ The Commander reaches out a gloved hand. Rests it on Beau’s shoulder for a moment, squeezes. ‘Enjoy these moments when you can,’ they tell her quietly, and it has a tinge of an order to it. But just a tinge.

‘Yessir.’

‘Good. Now,’ they say, eyes glittering, ‘Fuck off.’

Beau barks a laugh. Salutes her Commander lazily and continues on, onwards toward the view that had been calling her.

The command station sits closest to the surface of the asteroid and it is here, only here, that one can see the view that they are risking everything to protect. The field of stars and asteroids, glinting as they catch the light of Tyr-Mannou’s sun. The purple-blue of Tyr-Mannou’s surface, the deep deep green almost black of its seas. The layer of clouds that cloak portions of the landmasses and oceans alike, drifting. Beau leans up against the window, hands curling over the rail, and watches a storm brew.

She feels Jester’s presence before she sees her. A flicker of something at the edge of her awareness, far beyond that which her awareness should rightfully cover. She hears the hiss of the gas as the doors slide open and turning, beau watches a green-cloaked figure step down from the corridor. Jester exchanges a few words with Commander Dairon but Beau can feel it - the focus of her attention like a taut string between them, and she already knows Jester is about to look up, feeling her intent like a thrum, a plucked note on that string.

Jester looks up. Dark, dark eyes in a smiling face.

‘Ambassador Lavorre, this is one of our finest pilots.’

‘Beauregard,’ Jester interrupts Dairon’s introduction.

Beau tries not to shiver. No one says her name the way this girl does, like they’re sharing a private joke.

‘Princess,’ Beau returns, and she’s aiming for calm and cool, something to suit her new title of the best fucking pilot of the rebellion, but damn if it doesn’t come out reverent.

Commander Dairon’s brows are at their hairline now and out of the corner of her eye Beau sees them mouth, ‘Okay,’ and they take their seat, turning away.

‘How are you?’ Jester asks. It’s as nice to hear as it is weird. ‘I was told that you and your squad took on the main fleet today?’

Beau snorts. ‘Fuck no. I mean - uh,’

‘I’m not a Princess anymore,’ Jester teases, though her smile flickers at the reminder. ‘You don’t have to not swear around me.’

‘Oh, you’ll regret saying that. I swear every second word now. Habit. Us pilots are a rough and rowdy lot.’

Jester just laughs. ‘May I join you?’

‘Join - yeah, sure. Of course.’

Beau presses back until her back hits the rail, her spine and shoulders the cool glass. She grips the rail. Gulps. The weight of Jester’s attention, the force of her presence, feels like a real and tangible thing and Beau is finding it hard to concentrate the closer she comes - until she is right at her side and then the weight of it, the distraction, all falls away and Beau feels like the headache that has been pressing at her for the last few hours has lifted and she is seeing entirely clearly again.

Jester holds out her hand, straight out as if to shake Beau’s.

Beau slides her bare hand into Jester’s, tries not to shiver at the chill of her skin. Turns it and lifts it to her lips, brushes a kiss over sharp knuckles.

‘Introducing the First Madrick of Kar-Marodah, Thoreau Lionette, and the First Madrise,’

The Hall is as large as four grav-barret courts, Beau is sure of that. And it’s all made of grand, sweeping lines that she can’t quite follow. She cranes her head to try and follow one to its end but it meets with another three lines and Beau is dizzy with it; a large hand sets heavy on the top of her skull and stops her turning and twisting and Beau, nine years old and well acquainted with her fathers displeasure, falls still.

‘Be still, Beauregard. We are here to make a good impression on the Laveesh Embassy and that won’t happen,’ he reminds her, ‘if you are swinging all over the place like some common nerf-herder.’ His flat green eyes narrow. ‘Understood?’

‘Yes.’

‘Yes sir.’

‘I’d prefer Captain,’ she dares tell him, sure that he won’t reprimand her too terribly in front of an audience, and the chance to see his eye twitch is too good to pass up. She doesn’t press too far, feeling the first flutters of her danger sense. ‘Yes sir.’

‘Come along. They’re waiting.’

His fingers are clawed into her shoulder as he moves them strategically around the room. Smiling and making small talk with the various important boring folk in the chamber, and Beau is waist-height to most of them so it’s not her fault that she’s more interested in what they’re wearing on their feet and if they have anything on their belts.

She finds two strange cards that have no writing on them that she recognises, which she returns, disappointed, and a ring on the floor, which she pockets. It feels cold and warm all at once, and as she drags her finger around the inside whorl of the ring, she feels very strange all of a sudden. As if she had done that exact thing a hundred, a thousand times over with this very ring.

‘Ah, Madrick Lionette, how wonderful,’ comes a voice, finally, that drags Beau’s eyes from the mosaic floor. The woman - the alien - the alien woman in front of Beau is beautiful in a way she has never seen before, all vibrant red skin and curves and gold gold gold and Beau feels her jaw drop. She didn’t know that women could look like this.

She’s still staring when she hears her own name, and feels her father shake her shoulder.

‘Beauregard,’ she blurts out. ‘Hello.’ The sigh from above tells her that she did that all wrong. Face flushing, ears burning, Beau trawls through her memory and tries again. ‘I’m - It’s a pleasure to meet you, Queen Lavorre. I am Beauregard Lionette, scion of the Madrick Lionette.’

‘Oh!’ The Queen laughs, not meanly at all but seemingly delighted. ‘How polite! It is my pleasure to meet you, Young Beauregard.’ She laughs again when Beau stammers through a thank you. ‘Have you had a chance to meet my daughter? You’re about the same age and she’s force sensitive too -’

‘Beauregard is not,’ her father tells the Queen flatly. ‘We had high hopes, but...it was not to be.’ He coats the words with the displeasure Beauregard hates; feels it pressing into her skin like his clawed fingers. It’s her fault she’s not force sensitive. She’s known that for a long time now. For as long as she can remember.

There is a moment of silence, then, ‘Well. Jester? Where have you gone, my darling?’

Like a flicker of fish in the pool back home, and with the same warmth of the sun-soaked tiles against Beau’s chest and belly as she lays at the side, hand plunged into the waters to try and catch one of those crafty fish, Beau sees her. A girl, around her own age as promised, and dressed all in pretty robes. She is muddy to the knees, the dress heavy around her feet and dripping the purpled soil in a thick trail behind her.

‘Jester? What have you gotten into?’

‘The mud. Obviously,’ the girl adds, though the Obviously was already clear from her tone. Her curls are riotous about her face, and she wears a great big smile, though it slips momentarily as she twists something between her fingers.

‘Are you alright?’ Beau blurts.

‘Beauregard,’

‘Oh yes,’ Jester tells her, and smiles with all the brilliance she can muster in her round, round cheeks and dark eyes. It’s... a lot.

Beau still feels an undercurrent. Cold water around her fingers. ‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Beauregard! Don’t be a pest!’

Jester stares for a moment, then laughs. Shoves her hand toward Beau. ‘Hello, pest. I’m Jester.’

Beau takes it. Blanks for a moment over what is proper and finally bows, kissing it clumsily. As she stands upright, she notes the rings - one on each finger. Except for,

‘Are you missing a ring?’

‘Oh, Jester,’

‘It was an accident,’ Jester tells her mother immediately, complete with trembling lip and abject sorrow. Though, Beau notes, no seeming anxiety for her mother’s reaction.

She reaches down into her pocket. Rubs her thumb over the heavy ring. Is struck, momentarily, by the urge to keep it. It’s beautiful, she found it.

It’s Jester’s.

She didn’t see a name on it, but she knows it as certainly as she knows she’ll have blisters in the morning from these awful shiny boots.

‘Come along, Beauregard,’ her father says, and begins to draw away from the Queen and her daughter.

Beau shakes out from his hold and steps forward, holds out both her closed hands toward Jester. If she can guess which one the ring is in, Beau decides in nine-year old logic, then she can have it back. If not, Beau will get to keep it.

They’re seventeen and the Madrick has called the meeting this time. The Queen - The Planetless Queen, Beau has heard her called behind her back, and she owns several bruises and one cracked knuckle for putting upstarts back in their places by force. The Queen has disappeared into the war room and Beau isn’t surprised to find that Jester has found her, even hidden away in the engineering core as she is.

‘Still on with this plan, then?’ Jester asks her, peering up from beneath the suspended chassis to where Beau is hanging, fixing the wiring. ‘Becoming a pilot?’

‘Why? You think I can’t hack it?’

‘What? No. Of course you can!’

‘Then why wouldn’t I be?’

Jester is quiet for a long time, long enough for Beau to almost forget the question. She winches herself down from her position and before she can fully reclaim her feet, Jester is in front of her and her hands press against Beau’s cheeks and she’s kissing her. Kissing her, with the engineering teams buzzing around outside, and the smell of jet-oil and soldering thick in the air.

‘I’ll miss you,’ she says. Simple words, but the feelings that slam hard into Beau’s stomach are far from simple.

‘Jes - ‘

‘I’m sorry,’

‘You can’t -’ Beau scrambles up onto her feet. Hooks a grease-stained hand onto the perfect sleeve of the newly minted Junior Ambassador, pulling her deeper into the corner. ‘My father -’

‘He’s busy, he didn’t see,’

‘He owns these people,’ Beau hisses, glances back over her shoulder. But no one seems to have seen. ‘If I’m going to get into the Academy, he can’t - he can’t know that I’m - with you,’

‘Why not? What’s wrong with me?’

‘Nothing! Everything!’

‘Oh, how very flattering,’

‘That’s not what I meant and you know it, Jes,’

‘Well you do one thing and then say a lot of other nonsense, Beau, so forgive me if I’m a little confused!’ Jester is a sight and a half, eyes flashing with unbridled fury. She’s a good inch or two shorter than Beau but with them both straining to hiss-yell at one another, their noses are almost touching.

‘You’re hot when you’re angry.’

‘Oh shut up.’

Beau grins. The grin fades into something softer, something adoring. She reaches up. Is careful that, when she brushes a curl back, the grease-stained finger doesn’t touch Jester’s cheek. ‘Did you come here to ask me that? If I still wanna be a pilot, all I’ve ever wanted to do since I was five?’

Jester’s eyes drop.

Beau wipes her hand off on her jumpsuit. Crooks a finger under her chin. ‘Or did you come to ask me not to go?’

For a little while, Beau thinks Jester won’t answer. Then her eyes shift, harden, and Beau is reminded of those months after the destruction of her planet. When the pain had threatened to overflow and so Jester had locked it down, hard and tight enough to become coal, something that would let her burn and burn and burn with fury for ages to come.

‘What you want to do, it’s important. More important than me.’

Beau can’t disagree. The simple fact is that the war is more important than everything. Any one person. She opens her mouth to argue anyway, because - because this is Jester.

‘I came to tell you to be safe.’ And then Jester is reaching into her pocket and she removes something from it. Small and round and familiar, the golden band with the touch of emerald studded along it. The ring they have passed to one another at every meeting. A keep-safe. A talisman. ‘I want this back,’ she tells Beau, and presses it into her palm. Beau closes her hand around it, and Jester’s hand. Kisses the back of it.

‘Be safe. Please - I don’t want - I can’t lose you as well.’

‘As you command,’ Beau whispers. ‘Princess.’

The fight is coming quickly into its sixth hour. Beau’s jumpsuit is slick with sweat, her hands are basically swimming in her gloves, and she can barely fucking see with the sweat dripping, stinging in her eyes. There’s nothing she can do about that right now, though, and she yanks hard on her controls as another volley of bolts burst into the space where she just was.

‘Blue-XP, what’s your status?’

‘Got a bruiser on my tail, Cap,’ she gasps, and pulls hard, swivelling overhead of the TIE fighter, letting it zoom ahead. ‘Coming in hot on the zero.’

Whatever reply Fjord might have for her is lost in a crackle of energy and a blur as Beau reacts to something she feels before she sees - another TIE, bursting out from fucking nowhere to pinch her between the two of them.

Beau swears and books it, zipping in and out of the carcass of the long-dead transporter, her small fighter tackling the corners like a champ and her memory of the interior bursting into sharp relief as adrenaline and luck slam hard into her. She doesn’t let herself think, just slams into the controls in a way that might have made her wince if she had time to feel anything at all over the fear and fury.

One TIE bursts into flame, utterly silent in the vacuum. The other is hot on her tail still - the hunter becomes the hunted, piece of motherfucking shit Empire dogs - and then Beau is lifting a prayer to old, dead planets and touching a finger to the ring of heavy metal that hands around her neck and spinning her fighter around to face the TIE dead on. Spins around the bolts that come her way and - between one breath and the next she fires. Bolts away without even needing to look back.

It hit. She knew it before she saw the impact.

They stand in front of the star field now, in a quiet command station far from a party celebrating a truly minor battle. The war rages on all around them, in every direction, and will for years to come. But for now, there are drinks and lights and dancing, and everyone will pretend that it is enough.

With distant stars as their lights, and the beep of alerts and reminders as their music, Beauregard and Jester dance like they have been dancing together for decades. Like it hasn’t been almost five years since they’ve seen one another.

‘Most daring pilot in the ninth sector,’ Jester murmurs, cheek resting on Beau’s shoulder. Her words rumble up through her chest to the top of her head, where Beau’s cheek rests in turn against soft curls. ‘That’s what I’ve heard. You’re fast becoming a legend.’

‘Me? Maybe. But you faced down a legion of Kryn soldiers and got them to turn tail - yes or no?’ From the flush on Jester’s face, Beau knows her answer. She whistles, low and quiet. ‘Damn, Jes.’

‘That won’t be remembered. No one remembers the ambassadors - you’re not supposed to remember us. The fighters are the cool ones.’

‘I’ll remember you,’ Beau shrugs.

They sway together, a slow side-to-side.

‘I’ve got a present for you,’ Beau tells her. Jester’s smile is warm against her skin, even through the jumpsuit.

‘Oh really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘It wouldn’t happen to be a ring, would it?’

‘What - how did you know?’

Jester hums, trying to hide a laugh. The laugh actually does fade when Beau lets her go - just for a moment, just long enough to unclasp the chain - and tugs the ring off from around her neck. She clasps it in her hand and Beau is close enough to feel the ripple of it - the energy that swirls around this shared ring, no doubt full of the fear and thrilling adrenaline of the fight, hopefully filled with the memory of all those nights she spent in her cabin, missing Jester.

Jester’s breath hitches. She blinks a few times, blinking open dark eyes, and then turns in the cradle of Beau’s arms. Lifts her hair, as she offers the chain to Beau. ‘Do it up for me?’

‘Y-yeah. Yeah, sure.’ Beau takes it with suddenly clumsy fingers. Can’t resist brushing her thumb over the knob of Jester’s spine, the soft hair at her hairline. It takes a moment for her to work the clasp but finally it clicks closed and she lets her hands fall to either side, to Jester’s shoulders, and leans forward until she can kiss where she had touched. Lips pressed to the vulnerable space there. ‘I want that back,’ she whispers. ‘Sooner than five years, if you can manage.’

Jester twists back to face her. ‘Shouldn’t I get to keep it for five years? You did.’

‘That’s not how the game works.’

‘I’ll let you see it,’

‘We trade it, Jes. That’s how the game works.’

‘That’s how it has historically worked. I might suggest a change in rules,’ she says, in her most Ambassadorial tones, and Beau fights a laugh. ‘I had two dozen Kryn warships fleeing before me, Beauregard, I think I can get you to change your mind.’

‘You try your best, Princess. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.’

#cr tag #prompt fill #tagging my stories #i dont rly know shit or jack all abt star wars #beaujester

209 notes · View notes

uniformbravo · 4 years ago

Text

having a full on existential crisis over an episode of anime i watched tonight

it all started with big time rush

in 2009 a sitcom called big time rush aired for the first time on nickelodeon; it was about a group of four teenaged boys from minnesota who move to hollywood under a famous producer to become his next big boy band sensation. a simple premise, launched into unprecedented success, resulting in four seasons of musical shenanigans, three full music albums, and three big concert tours, including international shows. the band, both fictional and real life, featured four attractive young men by the names of kendall, james, carlos, and logan. they quickly gained a fan base of mostly teenage girls, which resulted in online spaces created for the purpose of sharing their passion, and as is common in such online communities, this certainly involved fanfiction- lots of it.

enter me, a teen in high school who loved to write fanfiction. my big time journey began the day my younger sister decided to put on the show big time rush in the living room, where i sat at the family computer typing away. the noise caught my attention, and i got sucked into the episode. there was a boy wearing a dress on the screen. i became interested.

i watched more of the show. i typed its name into the search bar on the website fanfiction dot net. i had a friend at school who shared my interest in fanfiction, particularly of the slash variety. i introduced her to this new show i had been watching. she shared a fanfic she had enjoyed immensely with me. we dragged each other into the world of big time rush fanfiction reading and writing.

it took over my life; i lived and breathed big time rush. i began posting my own stories to fanfiction dot net. i received positive feedback; i met people. i made friends- two people in particular who became very close friends. we communicated through ffn’s private messaging system, then through email. we talked every day, we wrote stories for and with each other, we exchanged phone numbers. it was one of these friends who introduced me to the website called tumblr, where fellow fans of our beloved big time rush gathered and talked about it- a community.

it was a slow start- this website was new and unfamiliar to me- but eventually i got the hang of things and settled into my niche. i had fun, gained followers, met even more people. tumblr was a place not only for sharing one singular interest, but for accumulating all of your various interests and celebrating them in one place. it was through this aspect that i first learned of the up and coming band known as one direction.

they had released their first smash hit single and everyone was talking about it. i was wary, far too loyal to my beloved big time rush- but eventually i started to feel left out and in an effort to feel included, i decided to take the plunge and see what this “1d” was all about. it was intimidating, though- there was so much information, and no apparent beginner’s guide to tell me where to start. this drove me to making a post calling for a “one direction buddy” to take this role, to introduce me to all the most important aspects of this band. and my call was answered.

enter my wonderful friend cam, a follower of mine at the time. they were into both big time rush and one direction and were eager to provide me with all the information needed to get into 1d. while ultimately this venture didn’t amount to anything, as i lost interest in becoming a fan, my friendship with cam persisted and we grew very close. even as time went on and big time rush faded into the background to be replaced with newer, fresher interests, and our paths as fellow fandom members split, we kept in contact and remained friends. years and years of fandoms, years and years of friendship.

in the midst of the tenth year, cam developed a new interest, in a sport called ice hockey. as is tradition, they shared their passion with me, showing me their favorite team, highlighting their favorite members. we watched a game together. personally, i’ve never been one for sports, but i am quite into anime, which consists of many genres, including the “sports” genre. one in particular that i’ve enjoyed immensely in the past is the volleyball anime, haikyuu!!. this anime devotes a lot of time to explaining and depicting the sport in a way that makes it easy for any viewer to understand the rules and inner workings of volleyball. it’s exciting. it’s the first time i’ve ever even adjacently been invested in a sport. one could even call it a gateway into the world of sports.

all this to say, when i watched that game of ice hockey with cam, the same parts of my brain that loved haikyuu!! lit up and in a classic display of my specific brand of interest, i found myself yearning for the epic highs and lows of ice hockey, but in an animated format. an animated format originating in japan. a japanese animation. an anime. my curiosity burned a hole in my brain that resulted in a combination of the google search bar and the words, “hockey anime”.

to my disappointment, i found nothing- at least, not to the degree i was hoping. there is an upcoming anime, slated to air in the fall 2021 anime season, about a group of girls who form an ice hockey team together- as it is an original project rather than an adaptation, it remains to be seen whether the anime will fall into the category of “sports anime,” or if indeed it will lean much more closely to the “moe” genre. the latter is not what i had in mind during that particular search.

adding the anime called “pride of orange” to my “plan to watch” list on myanimelist dot com, i moved onto the next result: an article about an early 2010’s anime i had never heard of before. while not about the sport i was looking for, it featured a character whose signature weapon was a field hockey stick. it wasn’t even the right sport. it was a weak, insignificant link, but all was not lost.

i happen to have an affinity for watching anime i happen upon completely by random and know little to nothing about; i found the movie “anthem of the heart” purely coincidentally, when i searched the name “jun” as part of some research for one of my original characters and discovered that it was the main character of said movie, which i then watched and ended up enjoying quite a lot. another time, when i was at best buy one day i happened upon a dvd on their dedicated anime shelf for a movie called “hana and alice”, which i had never heard of before. i liked the box art, so i took a picture of it to remember the title and watched it on my own later that week; it became one of my favorite movies.

with these and other similar experiences in mind, i saved the anime in my “plan to watch” list, and, later that same week, began my watch of “sket dance.”

it’s a school comedy anime, one of my favorite genres, so it’s no surprise that after overcoming the initial skepticism i carry into every new show i watch it quickly became my new fixation. not an obsession, but something i was pleasantly surprised to find consistently enjoyable. the characters are fun, the humor is tight and fresh, and the stories are unexpectedly touching at the right moments. everything i like to see.

which brings us to tonight. the culmination of this ten plus year string of events and occurrences. getting into big time rush. joining tumblr. meeting cam. watching anime. searching for hockey anime.

i put down my apple(TM) pencil. i set my ipad aside. i downsized the ebook window i’d been referencing. i stretched; i was hungry and tired. i’d been rereading passages of various animorphs books all day. i needed a break. i needed to sit back with some food and an episode of my latest comfort watch, sket dance. it’d be nice to set the dramatic, tragic world of animorphs aside for something lighthearted and fun in its place.

well.

i sat down with my bowl of strawberries and played the episode. it finished. i watched another. this one broke the formula a bit, played with the art style. i was into it. the preview for the next episode was mysteriously blank, and short, stating only the title. it was intriguing. i’m down for the show to get a bit more serious for an episode, i thought. i’m down for some potential backstory for one of the main three. i’m ready.

i was not ready.

bruh.

b r u h .

next two episodes proceeded to take me out back and beat me to within an inch of my life, slowly at first and then all at once. barely made it out alive. questioning everything. how can a show, so silly and goofy, do that, to me. how could i let my guard down like that. how could i be so tricked, and deceived, and blindsided like this. i don’t know who to trust. i don’t know if i can trust again. whiplash so damaging, permanent. i thought i wanted answers. i thought i wanted to know backstory. i didn’t want this. i never wanted this. emptiness

how did it come to this, these twelve years of my life. had i known back then, would i have posted that fanfiction? would i have joined tumblr? would i have sook out a “one direction buddy”? a hollow husk of a person, i am left with only my thoughts to ponder this small history of mine. the things i could have done differently. the things others could have done differently. all these butterfly effect moments, adding up to what? culminating in what? it’s 2:26 am and i’m writing an essay on how shook i am over that episode instead of going to sleep. but i can’t just say nothing, you know? i need to put something out there, reach deep enough within myself to find the thing that’s still there, broken and huddled and tiny as it is. i need to feel some semblance of the self again. the me from before i watched this episode. the innocent version of myself, blissful in ignorance. it’s too late now.

that episode…………..was fucked up. that was seriously fucked up. im not okay bro they really just came in left field and slapped that in my face expecting me to get up and walk away just fine afterwards like No that isn’t how this Works y’all need to bundle some therapy sessions with ur episodes pullin that shit come ON

exhaustion is taking over the shock, i am simply tired now. i will fall asleep and when i wake up sket dance will be a happy fun show again with NO fucked up backstories ever Or Else. i’m fucking serious right now i’m gonna count to 3 and that shit better be retconned when i turn around,

screams

thank you

#tldr sket dance has some really fucked up shit in it & i wasn’t expecting it & im having a crisis #it was supposed to be funnie clown show not ouchie oof show #how did it end up like this #fuck. christ. what the fuck #retag later #ani blogging #me watchin this show: yea this is fun like idk if i see myself getting /invested/ invested but i’m enjoying myself nonetheless!#gets to That Episode: …../oh./ oh i /see./ we’re doing That Shit huh #*sound of me getting /invested/ invested*#just a neat lil show about funy jokes :)#wheeeeeeee

1 note · View note

cowstiandior · 5 years ago

Text

phew this rly is gonna be the first post I’ve made in like a year but. Like the others, time to pour my heart out I guess.

I’ve dealt with a lot of trauma. I’m still going through my trauma because every so often I learn things that I had no idea about whether it be because I blocked it out or just never thought about it in an abusive light. I guess, first thing’s first, to explain why a lot of this stuff impacted me in a huge way (not to say that it wouldn’t have otherwise, but.).

My biological father was emotionally and physically abusive. To me, to my sibling, to my mother and all his exe’s. He had mental illnesses that were left untreated like BPD, narcissism, and compulsive lying. When I was five, he tried to get me to believe that my mom was cheating on him with a friend of hers and that this guy was gonna steal her away. And I believed him and cried and screamed until my mom promised me that was the case. I only found out, in my late teens, that he was the one that had cheated. Constantly. Eventually they divorced and I moved with my mom to texas after the school year was finished because that gave her time to prepare a place to live for me. Unfortunately during that period where I still lived with my dad... he did a lot of things. And even though (apparently) my grandparents on my mother’s side tried to have me over as much as they could, there was still long amounts of times that I spent with my father.

He exposed me to a lot of shit I shouldn’t have been as a child. Movies with graphic violence and horror (I once had a panic attack when I lost a tooth because I thought that awful lady from darkness falls was gonna come and kill me), nudity and sex. Hell, anime that borderlined into straight up hentai. Only two years ago did I learn from my mother that she always thought my dad was sexually abusing me, but she never had the proof. And maybe she was right. Maybe he did, and I blocked some of it out. He showed me all that stuff, and I remember how he would cling to me in the bed he forced me to share with him and told me I was the only one that loved him and understood. He would buy and show me things I shouldn’t have been seeing and then told me not to tell my mother.

He once brought me over to one of his girlfriends and while I “slept” on the couch, he had sex with his gf right there in the living room just a foot away from where I was. He had only wait... what, five minutes? For me to fall asleep and didn’t even check if I had. I was facing the back of the couch so I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear all of it. I was too afraid to move or even breathe.

That on its own is a lot, but I’m sharing this to give some background into my feelings about this roleplay groups I was a part of over the years.

My first experience with rping was the alvin and the chipmunks oc community on yt. Which was a very niche thing on its own, but there were a LOT of people. It basically boiled down to us coloring over screencaps and fanart to make our ocs, make songs high-pitched and then vid our ocs using the pictures to the songs in wmm and pretending that was our ocs singing them. Some of us communicated via AIM to actually rp our ocs. At the time I was 11/12. I ended up rping with people much older than me, one of whom, the one I rped with the longest and had the greater attachment to, was 16. We rped smut with our ocs. I thought this was normal. They did it with others so why not me as well? They were popular and I was just starting out in the community, so if I did this, then I’d get more attention. And it worked. I got attention from people much older than me and I felt like I was a huge part of this community. All because one of my ocs fucked a more important person’s oc and they got together.

But eventually I fell out of it. I randomly found nondisney crossover videos on yt and began to watch them religiously. Like, really bad ones also made in wmm, but I thought they were so cool. This was way back before editors ever even dreamed of using AE to make seamless masks for their videos. I lefts the aatc group behind to try and make my own. I didn’t have much success until one of my videos blew up and I got a lot of subscribers. I still wasn’t part of what felt like a closely knit community, but I wanted to be. I made silly reaction videos of vidders getting jokingly ‘married’, I commented and liked others videos to try and get noticed by them. Because I was 13 and had no irl friends.

Then ‘video rps’ began to be a thing. I instantly was enamored, and having experience in rping before, desperately joined. It was fun, at first! I started to connect with more people, they wanted to plot these stupid stuff ideas with me. Then the group decided to move to good ol’, fresh baby-faced tumblr. And I enjoyed that because, at the time, I thought I was a better writer than I was a vidder (news flash I wasn’t good at either of these things sdfkjdns). Somehow, after this move, I became really close with the mods. Both of whom were in the 20s while I was 14 (and just starting high school). One of them called me her ‘wifey’ and I went along with it and did the same. Because I liked the attention. I thought I was important even though, really, none of my characters except two were ever part of any large plots or got attention. They also talked about sexual things with me because my main oc was dating one of the mods’ oc. I remember them solely getting together because of ‘aphrodisiac dust’ too.

And I’ll admit, I also kinda forced it on my side. The mod had her oc basically in a ‘love triangle’ between my and my friend meg’s ocs. Which is... honestly a Lot now that I think about it. She kept stringing us along, both me and meg being the same age too. So when I saw the oppurtunity of “hey my oc was forced to be really horny and if I get Jen’s oc to fuck mine, that would mean they’ll be together’! So that’s what I did. And it worked. And it was only way later once I really processed what I’d done that I felt like shit for what I did to meg. This adult had basically tried to get us to fight each other of this dumb fucking ship. Haha jokes on u jen, now they’re both lesbians and are dating.

Though before this, when my oc was dating another member’s, that ended... really badly when said member had her boyfriend raped by their other ocs. One the dash. With no warning. Not even telling me about that possibility. It made me feel sick. So I dropped them.

Anyways, yeah. In this rp group I was, once again, exposed to smut and sexual things by those that weren’t just older than me, but also adults. They tried to get me to turn on other people in the group. They were also homophobic which, at the time, had a huge impact on me since I was, even then, trying to figure out what and who I was.

Both mods were controlling, rude, and eventually, all of us decided to split off from them and move our ocs to a new but similar setting. This shift was lead by gansey, who became the new mod. I was also partially close to them, and given that at the time I thought they were a good writer and they were popular, I relished in that attention. I thought of them as an older sibling. But in the end they weren’t all that different from Jen and Usa, the previous mods.

Even back in TOW, Gansey had this strange fascination with cheating. Given that Jen’s oc and mine were dating, and gansey had this (understandable, at the time) hatred for her and Usa, they tried to get their main oc to be... really close with mine. Always close enough to cheating or being seen as romantic but never enough that they could apply plausible deniability to the situation. They even made this weird ‘au’ video of them together without talking to me about it. ...A lot of things were done without talking to me about it.

Their obsession with cheating even extended into TAR, where they kept hinting at one of their ocs being interest with another of mine despite Sonia being in a relationship with Shelly’s Archie. I thought, perhaps, that maybe they wanted it to become an open relationship or poly. And if they had talked about it with Shelly and I and we all agreed with it, that would have been fine. But such a thing was never brought up. When said character suddenly developed an evil demon personality, them trying to force their affection on Sonia became even more obvious. Only now the character had a proper ‘excuse’, being evil and whatnot.

Gansey really did have this weird thing for cheating, ruining other people’s ships, and also dubcon/noncon. And again, Gansey was an adult while I was in high school. These things Just Kept Happening. And even though I thought we were close at the time, I never really was involved in any of their big plots (or really anyone’s) unless it involved some of these concepts.

Eventually I started to talk a lot with Meg because we were the same age and had similar interests. This led to me talking with Shelly more and then Bonnie, Kyle, and Morgan. And I’m so grateful for that. People I had been so afraid of contacting on my own to talk to or be friends because of my insecurity due to everything else became huge parts of my life. For once I felt genuinely included and not just someone to be used by others. We came up with fun plots, character connections, etc. At this point I had both them and friends in high school. I had a place I felt I belonged. I still do. I love them so much. They’re basically family to me.

Anyways, as I got older, it became apparent there was this rift in the rp group. People being purposely excluded because they weren’t seen as ‘good’ rpers, or just because someone who wasn’t ever really active in the rp group didn’t like the other. AKA Roman hating kyle which resulted in him being excluded despite his attempts time and time again to include others lol. Obviously over the years, there wasn’t much left for me in that group outside of my friends. It was barely active anymore and outside of it interactions had become toxic. So it was understandable when Kyle and Meg decided to leave. Funny how once that happened, they only then decided to have an ‘open forum’, with everyone who was normally quiet coming out of the woodworks to bash my friends when they were no longer there.

Some of us called them out after that and left. Though not before we found out that they’d (gansey and their inner circle) been developing another rp setting called FAR (presumably the setting they attempted when they told everyone they were gonna have a 100 time-skip to shake things up, which ended up not happening bc a lot of the group was like wtf) and also added someone to the discord server that most of us didn’t know. This person had been there for months and Gansey never told us despite them being their friend. This was very upsetting because at that point all of in this group had been together for 8 years. We shared personal stuff in that discord server. Things that I��m sure we wouldn’t want strangers seeing. So yeah, a lot of us were upset!

Then Gansey and their friends dogpiled kyle for understandably being mad about being excluded and alienated. Then they dared to have the gall to message me saying they were terrible and sorry and that they’d always be there to listen if I wanted to talk.

So I talked. And what happened after that? Nada. Nothing. They never replied. They weren’t willing to face the hypocrisy of what they’d done.

In the end they had just been another manipulative adult that had only used me when they needed to. That tried to have our characters be sexual when I was just a teen.

All of you were adults. You should have known better. I admired you guys only to have that admiration used to control me. Fuck all of you. Fuck you for the way you treated my friends. Fuck you for having contributed to my trauma on top of everything else I’d experienced. Fuck you, gansey, for your manipulative ‘apology’. Fuck you for your dumb fucking poetry you thought we’d never see, comparing us to corpses and you to sisyphus.

Boo Fucking Hoo.

You were never really sorry at all. None of you were. You’re were just ashamed you got caught on all your bullshit.

I was boo boo the fool for thinking I actually meant anything to you guys.

#csa tw #rape tw #noncon tw #dubcon tw #manipulation tw #this ended up being all over the place I'm sorry #Don't even know if this is even coherent #they're all real #i'm not even gonna fuckin use the other walrus tag fuck you

14 notes · View notes

jyndor · 4 years ago

Note

Cop-thing-anon here:

(I don't believe in the blue lives matter thing by the way)

I do get where you're coming from. I guess I see the thing about cops and cop AUs differently because the police is different and not as fucked up in my country. The thing about the fanart is just..I think you're reading too much into it. I don't think the artist really focused on the skin colour of Sokka, I mean, it's a kids show. Skin colour was never really mentioned or important in atla. But Sokka's personality is most likely why the artist was inspired to draw him as a "gangster", with azula (the villain) being a cop. It is kind of insensitive to draw that with the events going on, but I think that a lot of people in the fandom take some things way too seriously, for a kids show back in the late 2000's anyway.

hey anon, I say this with love and I am being sincere. I'm gonna need you to rewatch the show if you think skin color didn't matter. and it doesn't matter where you live because there is no part of the world, no culture, that isn't shaped by colonialism. I don't mean to be condescending so please bear with me, I truly believe in educating people as a part of allyship and anti-racism.

Anon, please know that I am not angry or anything but sincere in what I’m about to say. Just bear with me because I know that unlearning shit is difficult and can be painful, but we’ve gotta do it. I do appreciate you wanting to have this conversation at all. And I’m not writing this just for your benefit - this is for anyone who wants to learn about why A) race is a part of ATLA’s narrative and B) why critical analysis of mass media is actually important. So I’m not assuming you don’t know basic things about this stuff, I’m not trying to be condescending.

Now we’re gonna fix colonialism and imperialism XD wee okay here we go.

No matter where you live in the world you have some awareness of skin color. Your understanding of race might be different than mine, in fact it probably is. Race as we know it today is a social construct that stems from many things (and I wrote several hundred words on it but it was too much and too far removed from the point I’m trying to make so I edited all of that out. Yay.)

You don’t usually see imperialism, one of the major themes in Avatar, without colonialism. Imperialism is slightly different than colonialism - you can think of it like the ideology behind the practice of colonialism.* Imperialism can be used to describe expansionism in general - which has been going on since the bronze age lol humans, I stg - but usually when people today refer to colonialism and imperialism they’re talking about imperialism starting in the 17th century.

Now imperialism is not just a European concept. ATLA is set in a world that we know is supposed to be like a combination of different Asian cultures (with some influences from the Americas). And the Fire Nation is clearly influenced by Imperial Japan. So briefly:

Japan had a policy of sakoku (chained or closed country) which kept it mostly isolated (out of concerns that Japan would fall victim to something like the Opium Wars in China, among other things) from the rest of the world for a couple hundred years until the 1850s when a US Naval commander named Matthew Perry (I am not kidding) forced Japan to open its borders for trade to the United States by gunboat diplomacy, an oxymoron if I have ever seen one before.

Japan ended up signing unequal treaties with a lot of Western countries, and this bred xenophobia and hostility in Japan. The Emperor who signed these treaties died of smallpox, and after some internal conflict his son decided try to renegotiate these treaties. The US and European countries were not interested in renegotiating dick but the mission wasn’t unsuccessful because the diplomats A) exchanged some islands with Russia and B) were inspired by western economic policy and society to “modernize” Japan. Japan began industrialization and it converted to a market economy with the help of the US and other western powers.

So over many years, Japan went to war with China, Korea, Russia (and took back some of the land they exchanged with them), and others. From wikipedia:

Using its superior technological advances in naval aviation and its modern doctrines of amphibious and naval warfare, Japan achieved one of the fastest maritime expansions in history. By 1942 Japan had conquered much of East Asia and the Pacific, including the east of China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Burma (Myanmar), Malaysia, the Philippines, Indonesia, part of New Guinea and many islands of the Pacific Ocean.

But ATLA is not a Japanese story. The Fire Nation is not Imperial Japan. The Earth Kingdom is not China or Korea, the Air Nomads are not Tibetan monks, and the Water Tribes are not Inuit. The creators definitely drew heavy inspiration from all of these places and others, but ATLA is a story written by American people in the United States for American kids. It is an American story.

And it was created at a time when the United States was victimizing people in Afghanistan and Iraq (and other places) in many similar ways to how the Fire Nation victimized people. In fact, the show starts in the Southern Water Tribe, which represent Inuit people, indigenous people in Alaska, Canada and Greenland, I think it’s safe to assume that the genocide being referenced here is not one by Japan but rather by European colonizers and later by the United States and Canada.

Imperialism is in the show’s DNA.

And so is racism. In our world they are inherently connected. And visual cues from the show along with things the characters say suggest that we are meant to make the comparison between our world and the ATLA world. Every story has a purpose - it doesn’t have to be political, but for Avatar it is political, it is anti-imperialist.

In this article about how ATLA resonates with us in 2020, Aina Khan of the Guardian interviews Professor Ali A Olomi about using ATLA to teach at Penn State. “One of the things we see with the Fire Nation is the ideological justification for what they’re doing. We are a glorious civilization. We have abundance, we have wealth, we have technological advancement; we need to share it with the rest of the world. That’s almost word for word European colonisation.”

Zuko and Azula both call Katara a peasant. In fact, Azula calls her a dirty peasant. This is one step away from calling her a s*vage I mean come on. While peasant might just be purely classist (lol no) because Zuko and Azula are royalty, um it’s clearly racialized classism because of real life context. There is real history with colonizers calling indigenous people this, dismissing their cultures as primitive and barbaric.

Add into the mix colorism, which is bias against darker skin and privileges fair skin (which is a byproduct of imperialism) and you have clear race shit happening in Avatar.

When I saw that fanart, I was immediately reminded of black lives matter of course, but mainly of the fact that indigenous peoples are also at high risk of being victimized by police. Not just in the US. And how gross it is to depict a colonizer like Azula as an angry cop (representing the state) turning her gun on an indigenous man who is dressed like a gangster which... yike.

Mass media influence everything we do. The messaging we get, our politics, what we want to eat for dinner because we’re hungry and have been writing this stupid essay for three hours LOL. It’s important that people think critically about what they consume. Otherwise you get the goddamn United States with half of our population stanning a racist fraud. You want to know why US Americans are so ignorant? Because our education system sucks, because we don’t have any real media literacy. But apparently the rest of the world has some fucking nerve making fun of Americans** because all of us suck at it. No one is thinking critically about media.

A really terrifying thing about people is our ability to take whatever message we want from stories, even if it is in direct contradiction with the narrative of a story. There’s a movie called American History X which is explicitly anti-fascist, but because it’s a drama and Ed Norton is cut and looks badass and uncucked or whatever LOL, the iconography in that movie is fairly popular with neo-nazis. Yike. This is not at that level of course, this is some random niche fanart for a rare pairing.

For better or for worse, US media and entertainment gets a lot of attention and people around the world eat it up. Maybe you don’t need to know every little detail about US American shit, and I know we tend to dominate media, but black lives matter is not just a 2020 thing. People have known about it for years, since it started. If that fanart was created in 2019, which I think it was, the BLM movement had already existed for six years. If you’re watching an American show like Avatar and you’re making fanart on social media but you don’t know what BLM is in 2019... well educate yourself lmao.

Considering that Black fans have expressed frustration and discomfort in fandoms over and over again, and I am sure indigenous fans have too because fandoms are racist sometimes, it’s important that white fans help make fandoms better. And I am a white fan, and I consider myself an anti-racist. Which means I have to be active about racism when I see it.

btw I found this great essay by @cobra-diamond which you should read if you want more details about the similarities between Japan and the Fire Nation.

* that is very reductive but it’s fine lol

** I am kidding, unless you are english feel free to make fun of americans for non-gun, non-trauma related things pls

#anons #asks #racism tw #colonialism tw #atla #fandom racism #acab #police violence #indigenous right #nazism tw #oh lord shitty discourse tw #imperialism tw #anyway now i'm gonna eat

1 note · View note

fragueburglar · 4 years ago

Text

10 things that spark joy in my life tagged by @manicmaricon

1. cooking good food and sharing it with people i love. ill go as far as to deliver food ive cooked to friends and acquaintances if they ask for some. i remember giving someone a calzone with a red heart baked into it as a gift in high school once, and we werent even all that close

2. climbing trees and feeling the branches sway with the wind. before i could drive, i used to bike to the nearest park so i could sit in the tree until the sun started to go down. i really enjoy the trust and gratitude i have for the branches, and how supported i feel

3. the sensation of being fully immersed in water and staying still in that moment. my hair feels so soft and everything is so quiet aside from white ambient noise from the water. i feel like im floating and the physical weight of gravity being lifted translates into a lightened emotional weight

4. sharing casual touch with someone close— leaning over to show someone something on your phone while sitting next to them, hands brushing while walking together without feeling the need fo reactively say sorry, light shoulder pushes and punches when that lightbulb goes off and youre really excited to share your thoughts. a favorite of mine is someone asking me to tie their shoe and propping their foot onto my thigh so i dont have to kneel down to do it

5. hugging someone and being able to comfortably stay in that moment. the hug growing tighter and more intimate as time passes, and the feeling of wanting to get closer to someone when you physically couldnt be any closer. our heads fit so nicely into the crooks of each others necks, and our breaths are so complimentary. often with friends i like to lay my head on their chest while we embrace. i can feel their heart beat and its soothing

6. standing in the water at the beach and feeling the waves really push on you. the experience of being occasionally toppled over and tumbling underwater while the cold saline sensation shocks the inside of your nose. i love feeling like those waves are still pushing long after youve left the water and the salty smell lingering

7. climbing things. i dont know what it is about it but climbing things is so much fun, ESPECIALLY when you know its not typically acceptable to climb certain things (fences, parts of buildings, random structures, in public) monky brain go BRRRRRRRRRRR

8. making someone laugh ! making people laugh is so so so delightful and i love getting into breathless wheezing laughing fits with people and feeling burden lifted even if momentarily and feeling that both of our days were made at least a little better having shared it. im too goofy to not want to joke around and be silly often

9. i love learning things about strangers and getting to know people. at my job i have to talk to tons of people and i get to know very particular things and feel :D that they wanted to share some random shit about horse barrel racing, or that they visit their mom in berkeley to give her haircuts, or telling (and sometimes even showing me !!!) their puppies, or telling me about some niche interest on a whim

10. a gigantic one for me is caring for others giving comfort when im able— nowadays i find myself doing it mostly at work, because people get stressed out so often and sometimes they like having reassurance and comfort and it sparks a lot of joy to see their faces a little brighter and see the cloud lift from over their heads. i like the conversations that follow about self deprecation, caring for ones self, and just being more kind to ourselves because i know i more often than not need that reminder dor myself so it becomes this really positive loop of care and communication

i dont really have many mutuals so im not tagging but feel free to post anyways !!!

#ace’s posts #about me #tagged

2 notes · View notes

historyy · 5 years ago

Text

The Oxbridge Applications Masterlist✨✨✨

I’ve had a ton of people both online and irl ask me for this, so here it is. I’m sorry its a month or so later than I initially promised but I’ve been pretty busy. This is basically a breakdown of the application process, some advice, and my experiences as an applicant for History and Politics to Oxford in 2018-19; because of that its pretty Oxford / humanities specific. I was lucky enough to have some great resources available at school but applying for Oxford was still daunting, so I wanted to demystify it and give some advice. Hopefully you find it helpful!

Personal Statement

How you write it:

My main advice with the PS is to get started early, because Oxbridge is early entry so you’ll have months less time than your friends. Do a first draft of your personal statement in summer Y12. Mine was pretty much done by September and it made that early deadline much easier to reach.

Keeping a list of everything relevant you’re doing will be useful when you come to write the PS, as well as for developing your ideas for interview. My list was split into Books, Academic Papers, Extracts, Documentaries, Podcasts, Lectures / Online Lectures, Other Publications, Courses, Newspapers, and Extracurriculars. I also had a list of my particular interests related to my subject.

It will need lots of editing, but thats what teachers, friends, and former applicants are for! I edited so many personal statements for people in my year, because they knew I was a writer and thus good at cutting words and finding shorter ways to express.

With your first draft, write big. Go way over the character count and put everything you want to in it, then cut. A few tips for cutting:

Don’t waffle on about irrelevant anecdotes

‘Such as’ ‘like’ ‘indeed’ ‘including’ are useful but overused

Rearranging sentence structure can cut lots of characters and make your syntax snappier. E.g I interviewed a civil servant which showed me… versus Interviewing a civil servant showed me…

Semicolons will save your life.

It will hurt, but kill your Oxford commas

You don’t need to give each author / source a bio, assume the reader knows their stuff, and you don’t need to use full names / titles

What you write in it:

With the PS, a catchy opening is vital; you need to show why you’re interested in your subject and why you’re the right choice. Mine was:

The 2015 Leaders’ Debate sparked my interest in politics and the language surrounding it, when I realised I was focussed both on what the debaters were saying and how they were saying it.

The best advice I got is to treat your PS like you’re narrating your journey with your subject. Start with why you got into your subject, show what you did following on from that sparked interest, then how you built on that action, and so forth. You might want to map this out before you start writing. An example might look like this (this isn’t mine, but assume its for HistPol):

Saw an exhibition on Renaissance artists - interested in social and political context of the art - researched Italian city states focussing in on famed patrons of the arts who were politically eminent - read Machiavelli’s The Prince as is based on Cesare Borgia - interested in other theories of rule and governed/govt relations - read Locke and Hobbes to compare later theories and the development of these ideas - entered an essay competition about the development of the state citing Locke’s ideas on the social contract

Then you build on this journey, talking about your reading and research. Cite specific papers / books / articles you’ve read, and engage with them. Did you agree with everything they said? Or not? How do they link to other things you’ve read? For example, I wrote:

D’Ancona’s ‘Post-Truth’ with its discussion of disinformation and the collapse in trust also influenced me, though I disagreed with his assertion that the post-truth era only began five years ago (Orwell springs to mind).

Don’t just name drop books etc, actually engage with them, or you might as well not have read them.

In terms of what to include, Oxbridge don’t give a damn if you do Grade 5 piano or were the lead on your ballet show; you should focus your PS on the subject you’re applying for. When I mentioned extracurriculars it was in relation to the subject; I was editor of the school magazine, and I interviewed a senior civil servant on Brexit’s impact for it, increasing my understanding of current affairs and I gave a presentation on sexuality in the Weimar Republic at our LGBT society, exploring oft forgotten facets of history.

I would suggest that only 10% of your PS should be about extracurriculars, and even those should be related to your subject, or linked to transferable skills.

You should end your PS with a brief concluding statement or paragraph which summarises why you want to study your subject.

Aptitude Tests

I did the HAT so this is skewed towards that, but other tests are similar.

The aptitude tests are stressful but formulaic, so once you’ve worked out the formula and done as many practices as you can, you should be fine. You don’t need to get a high mark, only pass the benchmark to secure an interview, so it won’t be perfect. No one gets full marks; I think the benchmark for the HAT was 60% last year.

My main advice on the tests is to go to all the sessions on them with your teachers that you can, and if your teachers don’t offer sessions ask them to hold some, or find a former applicant. Do lots of practices, starting not in timed conditions and work up doing them in time. Talk through your completed papers in detail with your teachers. If there are other applicants doing the same test, talk with them — orally write the essay together and bounce ideas off one another.

Learn how to pull together an argument in a way which will grab the reader’s attention and show that you’re interested and engaged, and that you think outside the box and are different to the other candidates. For example in our HAT, the source was on a 16C woman’s relations with her servants, and I talked about her household as a microcosm of a class stratified and hierarchical society with moral expectations of servitude.

Basically, its an exam paper, treat it as such!

Interview

The interview is, on the whole, more important than the PS. If you’re lucky enough to get one it means you’ve already done better than most people. I found the experience to be a mix of absolutely terrifying and weirdly enjoyable.

I had two interviews, one for History and one for Politics, but you can be called to interview at other colleges. I know someone who had six…

The interview is basically like a tutorial will be if you get in, and there are different types (this is a bit humanities specific, sorry). You can get asked about your PS and reference, though this is rare. Extract interviews are common, for my Politics I was given an extract about citizenship. You can also get asked about your submitted work, as I was for History.

In terms of prep, make sure you’re familiar with your submitted work and PS, as well as all the stuff you say you’ve done in your PS and your reference. You can get asked about any of it. Bring copies of these and your reading notes with you to interview so you’re familiar with them. Also look into some other key concepts of your subject, for example I looked at a lot of historiography, and in the interview talked about the concept of history as teleology and how I disagree with it. I think I was actually asked if I agreed with the Idea of Progress, having read on that a lot I felt equipped to answer it.

Do as many practice interviews as you can. I got lucky as we had teachers who could do these, and I also did one at my sister’s school. However even if you don’t have that access, ask a friend, parent, teacher, a previous applicant, or even someone online. Even just talking about your subject helps. On the flip side of all this, don’t do so much prep your answers are stale and formulaic, you need to show you’re thinking on your feet.

Both my interviews were only 20-25 minutes. My Politics interview was really chill, I had an hour reading time before in which I made notes on an extract and basically wrote a script for myself. The questions I was asked were actually given to me in this time so I had lots of material to work with. The man was really nice as well, and I enjoyed the experience. In contrast my History one was a disaster and I felt like I was being interrogated by the two women the whole time, though they were nice.

Don’t be scared if you screw up, in my History interview on my Tudors essay on Tudor parliamentary changes (which I’d been studying only 2 months), my interviewer was an expert on Tudor parliament, writing a book on the subject. This one question about groups of people represented strongly in parliament really threw me, and I went through three answers before I found the right one (lawyers). At another question I blanked for thirty seconds before speaking. I came out in tears and was certain I’d failed, but clearly I did okay…

General advice

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Go chat to that scary teacher who told you your essay was too journalistic and not historical enough and just because you want to be a journalist you can’t write like one in academia (personal experience? me?). Ask them for advice and just talk to them about the subject!

Leading on to: JUST TALK ABOUT THE SUBJECT. Talking nonstop about History and Politics helped me know my interests inside out and it gave me a way to develop my speaking skills as well as my love for my subject.

Also, read. JSTOR is your bff for academic articles and Niche Stuff here, but you can find plenty of good books at libraries and shops. The A Very Short Introduction series is amazing for this, as they’re all really short and written by Oxbridge academics, I read tons of them. You can even just dip into longer books or collections of articles.

Keep asking yourself And so? — take your ideas further. This was my History teacher’s advice for essays, but it works for PS, tests, interviews, and general critical thinking.

For example in the HAT (I’m making up this example, it might have asked you what you could learn about social norms of a time from a source): You could say: The woman bosses her servants around but is subordinate to her husband so we can learn about gender and social roles. Or you could say: The woman commands her servants, yet remains servile to her husband, indicating the prevalence of hierarchical gender and class relations in the society of the time; her role as wife is clearly interlinked with her position as ‘head of the household’, which she is unpaid for. Viewing this through the lens of feminist theory, one can infer that an unequal sexual division of labour exists in this society, and women’s contributions to society are not appreciated, as when the husband ‘dismisses’ his wife. While her command of the servants shows she is elevated by her ‘great wealth’, her subordination to her husband suggests that a woman in this society was unable to further her position as easily as a man could.

Don’t fret about choosing a college on the form, 1/3 of people (including me) get pooled.

And finally, don’t set your heart on Oxbridge. They’re by no means the only good universities out there, and they’re not for everyone. If you’re not enjoying the research for the PS, or are finding the aptitude tests unbearable and the interview style uncomfortable, it might not be for you. But if you do decide to apply, good luck!✨

73 notes · View notes

jeffreysfoodthoughts · 5 years ago

Text

Thoughts On: Fusion Food (part 1/?)

So I was encouraged by [redacted] and /u/mthmchris’s (host of “Chinese Cooking Demystified on Youtube, a great series imo) to start a food blog where I’ll be talking about food and stuff. I wanted to start off by talking about fusion foods, especially some personal pet peeves of mine. I was inspired by /u/mthmchris’s posts on Chinese fsdfood during the coronavirus quarantine to talk about this, particularly when he talked about why modern fusion food sucks (https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/f0qjm9/what_the_coronavirus_forcing_me_in_lockdowns/). Give me suggestions for future posts/fusion foods to try and I’ll try to do them!

If you don’t want to read the whole post (it’s damn long), there are two major parts of note. First, all food we eat today is “fusion food”; there’s no cuisine in the world which does not borrow in part from surrounding culinary traditions (either from colonialism or more peaceful methods). Second, modern fusion food (think bao bun sandwiches or whatever) fails to capture the essence of what makes fusion food good.

The reason why (at least in my opinion, and /u/mthmchris’s) is simple. In his words,

“It circles back to the importance of limitations, I think. Limitations help break you out of functional fixedness - i.e. limiting yourself to using an object only in the way it’s traditionally used.”

I think we see this a lot nowadays, where “fusion” means replacing one meat for another from elsewhere, or one grain for another from elsewhere. For example, all Koja does is take a sandwich and swap out the meats, grains, and veggies. But this doesn’t functionally alter the food product: it’s still a sandwich.

Breaking out of the limitation of food is where true innovation comes from. For example (and I’m stealing from /u/mthmchris again here), when tomatoes first arrived in Europe and later in Asia, their use differed wildly from its traditional use in Mesoamerica. In Europe we saw the incorporation of the tomato into European-style sauces and salads, whereas in Southern China (Guizhou) fermenting it into a paste to be eaten with fish. To deconstruct ingredients and methods, then applying those characteristics in novel ways, is much more interesting than slapping some salami and pickles into a baguette and calling it an Italian-Vietnamese fusion.

To give an example of what I mean, let’s take the tomato example. What is a tomato? Well it’s a sweet but mostly-acidic red fruit. But that still has the associations of fruitiness or acid, and coupled with our preconceived notions of what a tomato is. What kind of fruit? Well it’s very fleshy, with some pulp and seeds. What kind of sweetness? Light, but with some umami flavor. What sort of acid? A bright acid, but sharp. Decoupled from our original “tomato”, what sorts of things can we do with a fleshy, sweet-umami, sharply acidic object?

That’s what people in Afro-Eurasia were greeted with at the beginning of the Columbian Exchange and the application of these base components into ways that fit niches in formerly unexposed cuisines is what gives us the variety in tomato-usage today.

To me, this is what fusion food represents: the incorporation of foreign tools deconstructed then applied in ways within the context of the dominant cuisine. To use a personal example, substituting cabbage kimchi for suancai in soup doesn’t make it fusion: that’s just me being lazy. But maybe using the brine as a tenderizer or the fermented cabbage as the steaming base. Incorporating the components of other cuisines is (in my opinion) much more interesting and respectful than placing it on a pedestal as a cure-all or debasing it as a fad “replacement” to tradition.

Not a substitute and not a fad: a new identity.

#food #fusion food #food thoughts

5 notes · View notes

faersflower · 5 years ago

Note

not tryna be a bitch but im just wondering, what the *point* is, of reblogging/replying to s5 content, or whatever, with your emotions? i mean obviously i get being angry and im still angry too and i dont agree with the people who r upset that we r still angry. but i just do my best to ignore the people who r excited. i dont reblog their content or anything. i just interact with my circle of tm friends i still follow who still make stuff. and share posts with them to rant at in private. idk

hi last anon here sorry im kinda regretting sending that last one cause i feel like it came off different than i was intending but i just saw your post and ive been trying to figure out how i feel about the whole thing for a while cause im always hyperaware that people who make posts can see my reactions. ur post is just the one that i happened to see when i was thinking about this (1/2)

cuz i saw other conversations about people reacting and stuff in the tag and its just that im a little confused and lost at this point how to best interact in fandom after something like this. im sorry if i came across as rude and i kinda feel like i did by accident but im just trying to understand cause even tho a lot of people are being bitchy about it some people are also making some points and i dont know how to feel about it. sorry again for dumping this on you (2/2)

Okay! This is A Lot ™ but I am kinda the most Middle Lane person I guess. So *cracks knuckles*

To open I will also kind of explain myself a little bit. I myself am a fan content creator for The Magicians. I make edits, fanart, cosplay, and write fanfic for The Magicians! Also really niche and specific text posts where I go off for 45 minutes about a single Eliot outfit but that is just me being a weirdo that is Very Into Costume Design.

About your Ask;

As for avoiding the people that are excited about it I myself sort of do that? I still follow a lot of the content creators mostly because they are friends of mine. There are a couple that I definitely do not follow though because they are a little bit too enthusiastic so I myself do avoid them!

Most of my rants are in private group chats with people that are like-minded with what happened in The Magicians. So I'm not sure what you're getting at with going at me with that particular comment. The post that I made is not about The Magicians in general it's more about the fandom because there are a lot of people that are angry at people who are upset and angry still. And it was more about that and sort of an ableism sort of situation from a while ago. This is an old post that I reblogged today it's not a post that I made for today.

Not to be my stereotypical self I guess (I'm sort of like the flower child of the fandom if you will ⁠— I talk about flowers a lot as well, anyway.)

But we are all just humans. We all went through the same event. We all handled it differently. Some of us are handling it better than others yes that is correct. But those of us that are still upset are allowed to still be upset. Those of us that are excited or allowed to be excited. Do what you want be how you want Express Yourself how you want!

I mean from what I'm aware of and I was a part of Tumblr back in 2011 until 2014 before I took a break until March of last year? But especially with personal blogs that just have like an undertone of magicians to them a lot of people use personal blogs kind of like an online diary so they just kind of post how they feel? Idk posting emotions is just like "why do you write music?" "Why do you create art?" "Why do you write?"

Which can all roughly be answered with The Mortifying Ordeal of Sharing Pieces of Ourselves. We're just sharing how we feel/think/process/what we find interesting/etc into the void that is the universe and hoping for a connection out there. We're just trying our best.

That's really all I'm saying here!!

Really the whole argument that others are having (not really me, but i digress) is about tagging. And it's a bunch of people wanting to dictate how people tags things. Which I understand if it's under an umbrella tag like "The Magicians" or "Eliot Waugh" everybody that is following those tags is going to see it. So if you are tagging it with umbrella tags be prepared for people to notice it that you might not expect to.

I tag my s5/anger posts as "the magaykins" like do what you want! Do what makes you feel best about what you are putting out into the universe! But it is going out into the universe and other people will see it.

Again, I am fairly neutral as far as all of this goes. I'm really middle of the lane like I'm still upset about what happened and everything and I am not excited for season 5 but I'm still contemplating watching season 5. But I'm not like Always Making Angry Posts, either. In fact I am mostly just posting generic Magicians content lmao. I mean right now I'm working on a painting that's a scene from season 1. And then I have another painting planned but it's not from a season, it's technically from the books.

I'm just doing my own Weird Little thing here. I'm not particularly angry I just have 2 Frustrated At the Fandom posts.

Because I am! I'm just frustrated with people trying to dictate how people should feel and project on Tumblr about this particular fandom! We're all in different head spaces! We are all entirely different and separate people and we can all processes in our own ways and we're allowed to do whatever we want it's just frustrating to see people try to control others in the fandom.

That's my particular frustration.

Also just the fact that there is such a huge divide in the fandom between being excited for season 5 and pretending that season five doesn't exist. But I understand ⁠— and I get it, and there's nothing that I can really do to change that, but I also hate that we are so divided by this. But that's a Whole Other Thing. And I can't change that one, sadly.

Also I think that the people that are excited about season 5 feel like the people that aren't are like mad at them for being excited??? We aren't.

We just want to be sure that any triggering content related to the events from 4x13 are Tagged so the people that get triggered by the imagery from that scene are taken care of.

That's all ⁠— from what I am aware of from my perspective. I don't know about others this is just me.

Your local flower child, Eliot costume obsessive weirdo, that goes by Key.

#key post #the magicians #themagicians #i feel obligated to main tag here rip #sorry lol #personal nonsense

4 notes · View notes