#we shld have more separation like that

[ooccoo]

I am starting to think that conflating products and people online is a horrendously bad move

[kaoharu]

hm. maybe one message wont hurt

[noxtivagus]

hflaksdjflsdkhf

[yeetmeoffjueyunkarst]

Saw you were looking for requests and had an idea to share. Lisa totally seems like the type of person that would try to play matchmaker if she learned her friend had a crush. I can imagine her trying to manufacture situations that would put her friend and their crush together. Like asking both to help with something in the library then “accidentally” locking them inside. Or if not, she’d be hyping up her friend and giving them pointers on how to flirt and woo their crush. She’d be down to have a makeover session too before a date just because it’s fun to try on fancy clothes and stuff.

Anyways, maybe a fun drabble of Lisa being a wingwoman to reader. I didn’t have a love interest in mind if you want to pick one or leave it ambiguous, either is fine. It can be more platonically focused too on Lisa encouraging the reader.

oh my god... lisa wingwoman me for mona pls /j or shld i go for amber /j or jean and ruin her lovey dovey times with jean #nomorejeanlisa????

ok but seriously this sounds so fun headcanon galore here we go!

Lisa is a plotter. I bet my entire Mora that due to the sheer excitement of it, she'll end up caving and helping to set her ships to sail despite her natural laziness

I again, will also bet my primogems that she makes use of her closeness to Jean and her position as Librarian to set the two of you up.

Help Lisa retrieve some book from some dudes? Oops, you're both trapped in some mystery domain that can only be unlocked by you two hugging/kissing a few times (I mean we could take another route but AHEM)

Tells the both of you that she invites you two to tea on separate occasions, then saying that she has something on suddenly and leaving you two alone AHAHAHAH

If you two are part of the Knights of Favonius (KoF) she'll make Jean put you two together for every assignment EVEN IF you both are from different companies.

Always telling you solid advice on how to confess to your crush, by making use of her vast intellect on silly things like helping you get more tips on how to woo them over

Or she could threaten to make you suffer if you dont confess multiple times by saying she'll make you suffer a fate worse than those who dont return their books on time...

But when you do don't worry she'll mother hen you and make sure you're dressed to the best of your charms and handle your makeup stuff, girlie's a queen.

Constantly whining to Jean over teatime when she tells Jean about her latest attempts to set you two up but failing because your crush is a dense idiot LOL

Her roping in Kaeya to help her in bringing you two together, which involves the ENTIRE FUCKING MONDSTADT.

you weren't impressed ngl, but you are impressed by how your crush is so dense to all of it...

Now, if only there was some way to make your crush the obvious heart eyes you had....

Ah, well, this is great entertainment for Lisa anyway. It's been a while since she played Cupid.

Reblogs appreciated!

[halogen2]

okay well now that my book2 edits r in im thinking abt my book3 concept and trying to develop it more. help me decide something!

basically i have two separate “causes” for the main mystery of this novel (a girl disappears and then reappears 10 yrs later but shes the same age) and im not sure which direction i should go with. for other context: this book has fae/faeries in it, and its southern gothic + somewhat horror-adjacent, and also set in a fictional town in east tn near the smokey mountains

the options:

1. the Main Antagonist is a cult / cult-like church with a powerful leader whos be harming this town for generations w/o anyone knowing - this then makes the book inherently about religion and power structures and who we deem disposable and theres a more clear “bad guy” for the protagonists to defeat/fight against

2. the Main Antagonist is technically the creature in the forest, but the problems are actually caused by the parents of the main characters from yrs before - so then this makes the book more about family trauma, what we inherit, and the way that the past catches up w/ us, and so theres still somewhat of a concrete antagonist to fight (the creatures trying to take them / get revenge against the parents) but its like more of a gray-area morally bc the parents made the decision that angered the creature in part bc they thought they had no other choice

i like both! my boyf suggested no.2 bc there r just sooo many cult/cult-adjacent stories out rn so the second idea seems a bit more “original”… but i had some v cool scene ideas related to no.1 so im not sure what to do! also sorry the ideas r so vague, im trying to not Give Away a lot of the book publicly but still get across whats important

[virtuangel]

ooh ooh ✨, 👯‍♀️ (wei), 🎧 !

hiiiiiiiiiiiii camp counseleri <3

✨ tell you about a group i’m getting into more recently

hmmm i think i’m maybe getting more into drippin these days? perhaps? idk? as in like i learned all the members’ names way back but like that was p much it but i’ve been paying more attention to them these days !! i domt know what to tell u really but they’re cute...but also u know that i say that abt like anything and everything... but like. yunseong is like my cool crush from a shared class, minseo is my bestie but also my son but like mostly my bestie. but like sometimes he’s my son !! hav u seen this picture of him in a cart it’s very important to me u shld see it. then hyeop is (obviously ina’s bf we all know that but also) a bestie bestie vibes off the chart... changuk is like that one guy u know bc ur bestie brings him to hang out w ur friend group u know yeah that’s brina w changuk nd then dongyun could very well become my son eventually we will see. nd then alex n chajun are like u know when there’s a friend group there’s those friends that ure not rlly All that close to on ur own but u act like ure the bestest besties when u’re all together yeah it’s kinda like that. besties in law if u will? also i knew this way back alr but ... discography so good... boyager was my fave debut ep (if not just fave ep) alongside p1h’s siren ep back in. whatever year that was.... so good so insanely good.. nd i think about that one mcd young blood stage every 3 days. nd also fate is the best song ever everyone should listen to fate everyone should watch fate stages thanks for listening

👯‍♀️ rant about a favorite friendship in: wei

well now we’re in trouble bc i don’t think i have one like as we mentioned once i do think one of the things i enjoy most while getting into groups is seeing their dynamics but in wei it’s more like .... i adore all the members separately more ? nd then all of them as a group ? as opposed to specific non-full group friendships idk... nd it’s like it’s not that i don’t enjoy these it’s more that i just . haven’t paid as much attention to them i think? i think they work rlly well as a group and i enjoy how comfortable they are with each other, i think!! which like . sounds generic but like... they’re like really enjoyable to watch like i never rlly care all that much about full group vlives because i just. idk enjoy solo/unit vlives more but i enjoy wei full group vlives a lot!! i don’t go out of my way to avoid them when for most groups i do, even when i love the group like.... u know i love vity nd like everything about them but i def would lean towards Avoiding full vity lives,,

🎧 put one of my kpop playlists on shuffle and share the first song that plays

as u wished, from my ‘this is not junseoism’ playlist: bon bon chocolat by everglow

[notquiteaghost]

there's so much to unpack in The Jason Problem that it is kinda unfair to expect every fanwork to bother but, yknow. is the unpacking not what's fun???

like ok. jason is murdered, he gets better, he wants the guy who murdered him dead. i honestly think that's reasonable. it being the joker makes it possibly the most cut-and-dry it could get, morally, cuz the joker's sole motivation is causing pain. there's the potential for a really good story abt privileged white men who are violent n dangerous very intentionally because they think they have the right who cry insanity after, in the joker. do not at all trust dc to tell it. anyway,

oh this got long. ok a lot more yelling that is actually abt jason under the cut

the joker should die, but bruce can't kill him, because unfortunately jason u are not the only horribly traumatised person here. it's conflicting access needs. they need to talk this out with an objective third party, they never will, having A Thing you should definitely talk out with bruce and will avoid talking out with bruce as long as you live is like a requirement for batfam membership, that isn't the problem

The Jason Problem is. murder IS wrong. people should not be killed. but, also, we do not live in a vacuum, and our society currently churns out a small but significant number of people who are actively dangerous and will only stop being actively dangerous when they are dead. that sucks! we shld do smth abt that! but nothing anyone can do now will fix everyone overnight. that's the core tension jason creates by existing in a story, because batman is not a long-term solution, batman is a stopgap. and jason is, by some metrics, a better stopgap

the problem with jason's methods isn't actually how moral they are, the problem is it's very difficult to kill someone without it affecting someone else you've never even heard of. any time jason kills someone without first researching them right down to how they organise their underwear, he cld be leaving dependents without a caregiver or households without a primary earner or anyone without medical insurance or etc etc. even people doing terrible things can be keeping other people alive. and of course if he's mostly killing goons well then he's mostly killing poor people who probably don't have many other options isn't he, and it is in fact a disservice to his character to have him not target rich people. as if a kid who grew up in poverty n then lived with the All Of Gotham's Problems Are My Problems To Fix Personally guy wouldn't have a very specific hit list. nvm organised crime jason shld kill republicans.

anyway (...two!), THEN there's the aspect ive yet to see addressed in a way that doesnt make me twitch: the lazarus pit. the ableism inherent in every canon interpretation. that to kill anyone you need to be insane, that Lazarus Pit Madness is somehow a separate unique phenomenon from the inherent trauma of dying and then being resurrected, that jason doesnt have ptsd even before he died. the perennial batman media problem of criminals not deserving adequate care. how jason went to arkham, how arkham still exists.

it is my instinct whenever media makes a character ~crazy as a lazy excuse for being a villain to say okay, yeah, they're mentally ill now, no takebacks. and like you cannot tell me jason doesnt have cptsd, but i think post-lazarus pit jason shld be on anti psychotics and mood stabilizers. i think if ur gonna tell me the pit madness '''got better''' then it is because jason is on psychiatric medication. it is very Yikes! to have the only or primary symptom of mental illness be murder, which is why the murder shld not be a thing he is doing because he's crazy. he has lost the things previously stopping him murdering (need for bruce's approval / being fifteen), and also he's horrendously traumatised.

i think red hood stuff is the one part of his life he's reliably capable of thinking rationally about, because compartmentalising your personal shit in order to work a case is absolutely in robin training 101. he'll make a ten-step plan that involves running surveillance, breaking n entering, multiple fake identities, and execute it all perfectly, then go home and have to remove all the mirrors from his apartment cuz [redacted for being potentially delusion-triggering].

by which i do not mean that mental illness is smth u can train urself out of, but that pushing yourself to an unreasonable degree is a cornerstone of being a bat. he absolutely makes his shit worse by trying to act like he can just turn it on n off. they all do this, what differs is simply the symptoms n problems.

and! speaking of bats! obviously bruce is going to continue to have a problem abt the murder literally forever, holding everyone else to the torturous standards he holds himself to is a fundamental fatal flaw of his. but that does not have to be true of anyone else, and i think it makes for much more of an interesting dynamic if everyone else is on a sliding scale of 'Murder Is Wrong but he is family' to 'moral objectivity is a scam' to 'if bruce won't let me kill anyone then someone shld get to'.

like, yes this is objectively very fucked up. batman media is objectively very fucked up things the whole way down, that's why im here, let's explore the implications of your dead brother coming back to life n becoming a serial killer. i guess u can just have him not kill people but is that not boring? why not have everyone else have to reckon with what unconditional love truly means

uhhhh i forgot if i actually had an overarching point. in summary let jason kill people in actual positions of power because hey you never know maybe if half the oil barons die that might motivate the rest!

[titsmasher69]

for the character opinion bingo, maybe Mei from lmk or Morro from Ninjago?

Morro first HE'S MY FAVORITE NINJAGO VILLAIN OF ALL TIME he's so much better than any of the current villains he's just so HAJSVJDHDJD HOLDS HIM STUFFS HIM IN MY POCJET.. I want to give him a shower. But without water just dry shampoo.

Those horny Morro fans scare me so much they're down bad like DOWN DOWN BAD CALM DOWN????!?

Tho I must say morro is a bit! Fucked up! Don't like the way he treats Lloyd yeh tho it is kinda funny seeing hcs abt him being somewhat like Lloyd's annoying older cousin (I like that dynamic it's so them)

They shld totally bring Morro back build more of his character yk maybe a second redemption arc I wouldn't mind

And then we have mei

Now tbh I'm actually pretty neutral abt her she's not my fav she's not a character I don't like either I just like her

NOT HIGHLIGHTED!!!! but spicynoodle shippers constantly write her off as the third wheeler in the trio and it makes me sad bcs NO!!!!! either they're all in the relationship or just friends u can't separate them. Anyways I relate to her so much she. She's just like me fr. SHE'S JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!!!! Too many expectations on her??? No way that's me!!! That's so me!!!!!

[seoafin]

jjk & tower of god chapter on the same day,,, i spent all of my brainjuice talking abt tog w some friends + working on my wip so this one might be incoherent LMAO but nsjdhfjd this my 2 cents for the chp (1) - 🐱

first of all, the zenins shld just eat shit 🥰 the bar is just nonexistant now 😭😭😭

also maki’s mother said sth that hits way too close to home for me too🥴

the maki & mai, megumi & tsumiki "make a place where they are happy” parallels...mai,, maki wanted a place where u'd be happy!!! 😭😭😭 good points abt any interesting nuances the original jpn might have had though

ALSO MUSCLE MAKI IS HERE

and lmao megumi's "ew no" face ,,, i didn't think he could make a face like that JDJJDJD ,, once again i think his outsider-insider status is interesting but the amount of ppl counting on him/leaning on him bc of strategic position is a lot. ig this is what kamo meant by supporting the 3 families,,,, gojou indeed is playing the long game. megumi in the meantime, very persistent in not getting more involved in clan politics, not using power that is offered to him, or leveraging it - in a way it is good, and it also makes sense with "stress is other ppl" but is interesting from a structural pov. megumi may not rly give a shit abt the rest of the jujutsu world. if the ppl close to him are affected, then he cares. otherwise, forget it.

also im interested in power implications here bcs it sound a little like there’s a slight split b/w leadership and everyday zenins and im curious what it's like if u have no connection to the top of the clan,, and again higher ups being unaffiliated with the 3 clans so they have to appeal to them. curious what other talents the gojou clan have and what they're known for bc clearly it's not just gojou, they still have power without him and still have a stake in the shifting power structure. kamo must be busy too...

MAKIIIIII ,,, honestly my heart hurts a little seeing her getting beat up in recent chapters. but i’m rly happy,, shes FINALLY getting the focus she deserves and i’m confident she will make a recovery and she IS in fact the one leading efforts on the zenin side. im rly hopeful she can take over the clan one day and no longer say she's not good enough

that stomach wound is bad news though so im wondering how she will come back from that,, that she didn't know her own father's abilities says a lot, too. i wonder if she could see the extension of his blade, or if she hasn't been able to see/understand many ppl abilities

im hopeful for next chp now. u can do it maki!!!!

flashing back on these bits, it makes more sense now why megumi wasn't melting down post-shibuya,, seems most information came to him in a sort of timely and calm way? also i rly have to wonder if gojou did not spend a decade plotting in front him bcs he's done it before,,,, like the whole clan head scene in megumi's middle school years....in a way i imagine he wouldve seen that gojou come out of the high school and watch him get more serious as he acquired even more skin in the game

all the time though i wonder abt megumi's tendency toward inertia and nonaction to things that would seemingly give him power and trying to understand it and that IS him being selfish and that IS,, imo the biggest indication of what he actually does or doesn't want. he wants it, he will act and work on it immediately himself. he doesn't like it? act like it doesn't exist. it make me want to shake him around like NO!! megumi pay attention!!! But his reaction to this clan stuff is a contrast to his behavior in recent chapters imo

and more mahjong references,,, between this and yuuji’s pachinko,, i wonder abt the undercurrent of gambling haha. a gamble for the shaman world and who will come out on top? a contrast to the flowy ocean imagery that connects shaman stuff out to the rest of the world

also this ,,,, there's that one jp tweet (i cant find it again😞) that talks about how toji, as the point of distortion, created megumi, who is currently playing a potential convergence/healing/uniting role (if he actually takes it on as a responsibility lol) and connects this back to the medicine buddha,,, whose mudra (hand sign) is used for chimera shadow garden. with the commentary abt ppl with heavenly restriction needing to know what to throw away in order to become strong or tap into their full strength and toji’s commentary at the end of fight with gojou,,  i actually always felt that toji died not having been entirely resolved with himself bc he talks abt going against the self that decided to forget abt self-respect, to live without thinking abt himself or others,,, in a way, living selfishly, for himself, by ignoring anything immediate and i think he succeeded for a while bc he didnt even remember megumi's name. he remembers it when he talks to getou abt him being thankful for toji not killing him bc of potential drawbacks

and at the very end he thinks of megumi again and that last act does think of someone else, like a "life before your eyes" moment where toji thinks about how the zenin's treatment of him led him there or how his return to shibuya ends with him remembering how he gave megumi back to the zenin,,, i think atm of his death he was starting to think he did want to care, in a different way, or that he needed a different paradigm. or,, maybe he was just starting to realize how far the zenin thinking had set into him

so we dont rly talk abt that being an enlightenment moment for toji but i kind of think it was. that megumi has the potential to become a pivotal piece as a legacy of distortion is interesting. i dont actually think toji set up everything intentionally bc he didnt know megumi's ability, and i dont think he wouldve thought that far. i think a lot of the heir and inheritance stuff is sth naobito set in after seeing megumi's development under gojou. it's clear now everyone has been keeping eyes on everyone else

at some point there's some interesting discussion to be had abt megumi and privilege - i'm surprised the canon characters dont hate him more for having stuff just fall into his lap, and so i liked that maki pointed this out that he could use this and he shld bc theres a frustration there - and yet at the same time megumi himself seemingly feels very little attachment to the zenin and the shaman world still. he just cares abt his little circle of people, and it's a very intentional choice, based on his good/bad ppl thing

u cant really affect the entire world, but u can assert urself on the environment around u and decide what u do and dont act on. this part of megumi is more teenage boy and kind of toji-like, i think,,, hence the emphasis on action

u express ur effect and existence through action, who u kill or who u save. toji having very little, while so much falls into megumi's lap while he doesn't want it, doesn't want to acknowledge it, likely doesn't want to take part in a system he doesn't like or, having been raised under gojou's wing, resents or finds corrupt or useless, or doesn't even think on bc he thinks its above his pay grade and gojou's there - this is also megumi's moment to solidify his own direction and commit to working in the system or out of it

the "not caring" is a defensive measure in a way too, i think. i dont think megumi is Big Good and wants to save everyone and everything and the world to be good and pure, i tend to think of him as a resigned chaotic neutral, who wishes he could be good orz

ANYWAY i think there's some interesting juxtapositions with the whole toji > megumi thing, that someone who is born without, restricted, births and creates someone full of blessings. its very shaman-like, action then reaction

AND i wish u luck on ur final paper (bless ur eyes to see incels bc i’ll just log off for the day when i saw one (1) of them on the net) AND DONT FORGET TO TAKE A REST,, the self care is much needed me thinks <333 (2) - 🐱

i love u 🥺🥺😭😭😭 you take care of yourself too!!!

also ur right...all this political intrigue im so curious i need to know how the jujutsu world is structured in terms of the higher ups and the clans. like i assumed that the three clan elders WERE to some extent also part of the higher ups???? but now it seems that the higher ups are a separate entity altogether, so like checks and balances i suppose. except both the higher ups and the clans are corrupt so no balance there 😭

the chapter implied the zenins are losing when it comes to the power struggle between the three clans. im interested. i want to see them all rot!!! like i also said though it’s going to be interesting to see the state of the kamo clan though, considering “noritoshi kamo.” like what do you even say to that???? im going to be surprised if it doesn’t affect their standing in the jujutsu world but then again the kamo clan IS one of the big three.

megumi really is a character that was blessed in all regards but like. doesn’t want anything to do with it LOL he really said ‘this is a pain no thanks.’ like gojo like megumi i suppose. i agree with u the whole toji and megumi set up....genius....i also love their juxtaposition. it’s so interesting and another source of irony.

[inviictas]

⌜   CIS MALE, HE / HIM   |   heavydirtysoul by twenty one pilots, slytherin, entp   ⌟   ⏤   meet CRISTIAN RAMIRO DE LA CRUZ ; a THIRTY year old who kind of resembles MANNY MONTANA, don’t you think? they originally hailed from SAN FRANSOKYO where they lived with their adoptive parent, GOGO TOMAGO (   BIG HERO 6   ), but word is that they’ve been working a desk for much of this year. they’ve always been pretty STAUNCH & VALOROUS, but have gotten way more INJUDICIOUS & BELLICOSE since they woke up. maybe their power of N / A can help in taking down the dome. you can check out his stat page HERE and his pinterest board HERE.

ALL ALONE   /   whether you like it or not,                 alone will be ( something ) you’ll be quite a lot.

SECTION ONE OF THREE : BULLET POINT HISTORY trigger warnings for talk of chronic ill health, prison, sociopathy, serial killers

i dont have the energy to write a long bio. b glad.

anyone who knows cristian’s birth mother, mariana de la cruz, can agree on at least one thing - whether she SHOULD have or not, she always say the best in people. it probably had something to do with how little about people she actually knew. ana was born, it seemed, to suffer ; she spent her whole life sick, all of her time either in hospital, or at home. she was beyond sheltered, and she had very few friends because of it. her kindness could only get her so far in life when she was so separated from it. 

she started to write to PRISONERS in her late teens. it was a decision made out of loneliness, and she figured that was a feeling that the people she wrote to could relate to. as heinous as some of their crimes were, ana continued to feel empathy for them. if she had just a few more critical thinking skills, maybe she wouldn’t have fallen in LOVE. he was a sociopath, and a homicidal sadist. he was a serial killer. he was serving consecutive life sentences. and still, she got on his visitation list. STILL, five years after they initially began to exchange letters, she obtained a marriage license. and two years after that, cristian ramiro de la cruz, mariana and her locked up love’s child, came into the world.

back when he was just a baby, of course he visited the prison with his mother ; they would make the trek together once every six months, as this was about as much as she could MANAGE. his mother thought that he was their miracle, and at that, believed wholeheartedly that his father loved them both. when he got old enough for conscious thought, he’d REFUSE point blank. his mother was blind to the type of man that his father was, but cristian’s defining memory is from when he was six years old, and he was gazing back at his father through the bars of their visitation room. there was no love, in those eyes - eyes they SHARED, he would hate, later on. there was nothing in his expression, that even implied a hint of care. mariana was delusional, but cristian could see what she couldn’t. he would kick up a fuss ever after as his mother prepared to leave, and though it broke her heart - and her visions of a happy family - she would leave him with a relative.

outside of this delusion she had, however, mariana was the best mother that he could have ever wanted. she was the sweetest and most gentle soul ; she loved him with a real ferocity, this baby she had never thought she would have, and she was WICKEDLY over protective of him. mariana didn’t love that cristian had to grow up quickly, because of her health. it didn’t make her happy to have a son that could cook for them both when she was simply too weak, or that knew her exact medication dosages off the top of his head, or who had been taught how to place her into the recovery position should the worst ever happen. he should have gotten to be a KID, and he didn’t, because of her. it hurt, more than anything, and it was probably why the fact he wanted nothing to do with his father pained her so ; they shared EVERYTHING, in their home. they experienced everything, together. and the one thing that cristian couldn’t do was love the man he knew was a monster.

when he was ten years old, his mother collapsed the day before one such visitation. he found her at the bottom of the stairs, and he called 911 from her phone as he had been taught to. it wasn’t the first time that his mother had been to the hospital, over his childhood, but it was the first time that he didn’t leave with her. it was decided that mariana was no longer in position to take care of cristian, or herself. she was better off in assisted living, and he would do better in care.

it didn’t take long for him to be taken in by leiko tanaka, also known as go go tomago. and she was a good substitute, for a mother, though he told her many times that she would never REPLACE mariana. she didn’t want to, and she won his respect very early on for how she approached dealing with him. she was there, when he needed someone, and she never hesitated to help him, when it was required. but she brought him to visit his birth mother once a week, and when he was old enough, he was allowed to go and see mariana alone. she helped him buy presents for her, she didn’t STOP him from leaving school early, when his mother’s health seemed to have dipped. leiko didn’t control him or attempt to take a place she had no right to, and so, cristian didn’t form a grudge. it was as easy as that.

and what was more, as he got older and started to go through puberty - she stuck by him, even when he acted out. cristian had a huge capacity for anger - and when he lost his head, he would... break things, over yelling. she never lost her head with him. she always spoke calmly, even after he had punched a hole into his wall, or shattered his mirror. and when he asked, she didn’t HESITATE in sending him to counseling ; something he recognized he needed, all on his own, as he reached his sixteen birthday and realized that his BIGGEST fear was being his father, and he was very quickly turning into him.

cristian decided to become a DETECTIVE because he didn’t want to be the kind of hero that leiko was. he wanted to be law abiding in every way - almost to prove to himself, to his father, to everyone who had ever known him, that the blood that ran through his veins wasn’t EVIL. he started his youth group, recently, because he had been there. he had been angry. he had lashed out. he had made bad choices in his teens that he was lucky hadn’t come back to BITE him. but he’d gotten past it, for the most part, and he wanted to help others. that’s all he’s been trying to do.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : HEADCANONS trigger warning for mention of cancer

mariana is still alive today, and cris visits her once a fortnight. he still brings her a bouquet of flowers every time, though the gifts he gives are ever changing ; she goes through periods, and right now, she’s enjoying an embroidery hobby, so he brings her thread. 

his father, though he doesn’t think of him as such, is also still alive - though he TREATS him like he’s not. he was diagnosed a year ago with stomach cancer, and cristian’s mother has urged him almost every time he’s visited to do what she can’t, and visit. he’ll never want to upset her enough that he’ll tell her the only time he will is when he’s DEAD, but he certainly thinks it quite a bit.

the only reason cristian hasn’t taken on leiko’s surname, by now, is because there’s a part of him that thinks doing so would be hiding. he’s cristian de la cruz, and yes, he’s the son of a serial killer. it’s certainly something, and perhaps he would have had an easier time in life at certain points if he wasn’t who he had been BORN. but he’s pretty stubborn, so, here we are.

morals wise, cristian is a good guy. in every other sense of the words, he probably... wouldn’t be classed as so. he’s pretty arrogant, and he has a fairly bad reputation in the police department because of his tendency to kind of run with things, and charge ahead. they like to say he doesn’t THINK, and that’s why he makes ‘poor’ decisions - but cris is actually very conscious of everything that he does, and he’s very willing to... make the tough call, so to speak, so that no one else has to. 

he’s still very hot headed. he still goes to counseling. he still fucks up, from time to time. it’s all very human. 

he came to walt disney academy for school, and he never left. it’s not because he loves the town, cause he really DOESN’T, but he fell in love while he was at the university - and his heart may have gotten broken, but he had already sort of set himself up for life, here, so... what can u do. 

SECTION THREE OF THREE : WANTED CONNECTIONS 

you know the usual DRILL ! friends ( anything from best to passing ), enemies, hookups, exes, the very most. hit me up if you’re interested !

i’m going to send in wcs later but:

his enemy with benefits ! they’re just ... either, someone he’s booked multiple times, someone with villainous ties, someone who he’s just hated since he was a kid and who’s hated him right back. but they get p hot and heavy now and it’s just... fun ? can it b called that? prob not. should be 27+

cristian’s partner in the buena vista police dept ! they go way back to police academy, and they used to try and outdo one another at every turn before they realized they could work TOGETHER and be better than everyone. have become super tight friends even tho cris is def the bad cop in their good cop bad cop dynamic, and they get along.. real well.

work dynamics ! ppl he gets along with , people who think he’s horrible, people who love his methods, people that hate them. give me someone who hates him solely because one time he drank their whole carton of milk that they left in the work fridge

his ex fiancé ! they would have dated from when cris was about 20, up to when he was 23 ( so they shld be like... 28+ ). they were gross and in love and we can talk abt why they ended ! 

membeRS OF HIS GROUP FOR TROUBLE YOUTH . 

his oldest friend + current roommate. wld work really well for another older big hero 6 kid ! 

[starwrite-er]

Poster Boy [Chapter 16] - Poe Dameron x Reader

A/N: *coughing* this update is long overdue holy shit sorry but hey the last jedi is coming out next month so I shld probs get around to finishing this lol *coughing*

A/N: was kind of imaging the outfit the reader wears in coruscant to be like what Nadine Ross wears to the Rossi Estate auction in Uncharted 4, but, like, more nightclub-esque?

Tag List (jesus this has decreased in number yikes): @firefeatherx @plethora-of-things @britishteahater @umbrellabrass @purple-skeleton @winchesterandpie @the-creative-lie @i-alrightokaycool @definitely-nota-fangirl

 Three days after Keipii apparently referred to Poe as ‘dad’, I find myself up early, preparing to leave on a mission of my own. Keipii insisted on seeing me off, resulting in Jessika being woken up at a painful hour to watch over her, at least until Poe arrived back on base later that day.

 “Ready to go?” I ask Niyele.

 “Ready as I’ll ever be.” She replies. I smile at her reassuringly, reminded that this is her first mission.

 With my old friend by my side, we depart from D’Qar, following through with our plans for Coruscant. It was nothing too hard: Niyele would be gaining ‘field experience’ by sticking by me while I dealt with extracting information from a First Order official stationed on the highly industrialised and urban planet.

 “So, how’re you feeling about your first mission?” I ask my old friend.

 “Uh, nervous? Almost apprehensive?” She tries, shrugging. “I don’t know. It’s kind of surreal that I’m doing this, to be honest.”

 “And to think, just a few short weeks ago you would have never considered joining the Resistance,” I crack a smile in her direction as I continue to pilot the low-profile ship. “Don’t worry about it though, just stick by me and use your common sense and you’ll be fine.”

 “So no wandering around the cityscape?” Niyele tries to joke, but I shoot her a look.

 “Listen, I don’t want to put you off, but I’m being dead serious when I say you need to stay by me at all times,” I tell her, the tone of my voice humourless. “Coruscant is crawling with criminals; one foot out of line and you won’t even make it back to base.”

 My warning quiets Niyele, at least for a moment.

 “I mean, that’s funny though, because aren’t we technically criminals?” My friend speaks up, taking me by surprise.

 “What?” Is all I can manage to say in response.

 “The mere existence of the Resistance goes against a couple laws, not to mention the individual charges that could be given,” Niyele pauses, glancing over at me before she continues. “Destruction of property, theft, kidnapping, illegal dealings, murder... and that’s just to list a few.”

 I swallow thickly, completely caught off guard by her words. I frown, knowing that, really, she isn’t wrong.

 A strong feeling of guilt twists in my gut at the thought, and I find myself rationalising it the best I can - the First Order is doing worse to more.

 The silence that settles over us for the rest of the journey isn’t an entirely comfortable one, at least until we arrive at our destination.

 Despite it’s rough reputation, it’s hard to deny how impressive the ecumenopolis is. A historical centre of galactic politics, there’s a lot to Coruscant, from the neon lights glowing from the deeper levels, to the glinting metal buildings that pierce the troposphere, reserved for only the highest ranked in the galaxy. We’re here with a purpose, though. We don’t have time for sightseeing.

 “Intel has told us that there’s a club not far from here that this First Order guy will be at tonight,” I refresh Niyele’s memory of the details. “The place is likely going to swarming with guards, so we needs to be as inconspicuous as possible.”

 Niyele hums in acknowledgment, drinking in the sights around us. Right - she’d never left Pamarthe before the incident a couple weeks ago. This is all brand new to her.

 Upon our arrival, we step out of the small ship and venture into our temporary quarters. It’s nothing too fancy, just a simple grey room with a single, long window giving us a good view of the surrounding city. If all were to go well, the mission would be done with by the following morning.

 In the bag I carry in with me is a top and trousers more suited to a nightclub setting. I slip into the change of clothes as the time of the mission draws closer, the more dressy outfit feeling foreign compared to my usual attire.

 As the mission is simply to extract information from a specified member of the First Order, I’m not sure of what I’m looking for him to say - intel just said that, as rumour has it, he has some info that the Resistance would be interested in. So, to avoid me missing anything, a holocam is hidden in a necklace I’ve been told to wear, and an audio recorder concealed by the fabric of my shirt. Set for the mission, I flick the devices on, and leave the quarters with Niyele, also dressed for the occasion.

 Galactic City is illuminated more by artificial lights than perhaps even the sun it orbits as it struggles to pierce the braze, and as night falls, the synthetic glow keeps the ecumenopolis as bright as it would be during the day. The high level club our mission dictates we must visit seems to be no exception to this, the surrounding neon signs bathing us in bold colours. On a planet so far from it’s sun, I’d find myself cold if it weren’t for the industrial heat.

 The haze inside is intoxicating, strobe lights flashing throughout the room. The hum of music and the buzz of conversation is almost deafening as we push through the crowd. Amongst the numerous bodies, I spot my target sitting at the cantina. Glancing back over my shoulder, I nod at Niyele, and we go our separate ways. I approach Captain Stit of the First Order.

 “Must say, I do love a man in a uniform.” I speak up, leaning against the bar counter and flashing a smile at the man. He gives me a look up and down.

 “And who might you be?” He questions, still somewhat on guard, but, judging by his near empty glass, he’ll be tipsy soon.

 “You can call me Aubramay,” I give a name that isn’t mine, offering another charming smile as I take the seat next to him. Pretending to only just notice the rank insignia on his uniform and feigning curiosity, I reach out and brush my fingers over the band on his sleeve. “Oh, this looks official. What does it mean?”

 Stit sits up a little straighter. “I’m Captain Stit of the First Order,” Pride oozes from his words as he brags. “It’s one of the highest ranks you can achieve - I did a lot to get there.” 

 “Really? What sort of stuff do you do?” I inquire, tilting my head a bit, acting oblivious to his overselling of his rank.

 “Captain, I-“ Some buckethead interrupts our conversation, much to my annoyance.

 “What? Can’t you see I’m busy here?” Stit gestures at me to the trooper that must be accompanying him.

 “Sorry, Captain, but I have just received word that-.” The stormtrooper states looks in my direction and pauses before lowering their voice to relay to Stit what I assume was classified information. They exchange a few more words, and then the trooper is off again, the Captain downing the rest of his drink.

 Across the room, I catch Niyele’s eye. She shoots me a reassuring look as First Order Captain returns his attention to me.

 “It must be hard, organising an entire force of soldiers.” I muse sympathetically. Stit nods in agreement.

 “It is, but that’s not all there is to my job,” He says and leans in slightly. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. “Can you keep a secret?”

 “I’d love to.” I reply, a sly smile slipping onto my face. He glances around, checking for eavesdroppers, oblivious to the wire I have on.

 “I’ve recently been working on a top priority project, planning a mission to go ahead in a couple months, probably sooner,” He says lowly, an attempt to impress me. I raise a brow, my interest piqued. “We’ve been tracking down this old, Jedi-sympathiser that the higher-ups think has something the First Order wants. We reckon the scumbag’s somewhere in the Western Reaches of the galaxy’s Inner Rim.”

 “Well, I must say, the galaxy has some nicer places to go into hiding than there.” I remark, to which Stit laughs. His cooperation has been useful, but Light, I’d hate to have someone so easily manipulated holding my secrets.

 The stormtrooper from earlier returns, once again interrupting us. “Captain, we have received a call from base. Your presence has been sent for.”

 Stit takes a deep breath, glaring daggers at the soldier. There’s a pause before he addresses me. “I’m going to have to cut this short, but it’s been good.” The First Order official gives me what I’m sure is meant to be a charming smile, but his morals make me sick.

 “I’ve enjoyed myself; I hope I see you around again.” I give him a wink. He leaves, and I watch him go, waiting until he’s out of sight before I get out of the club.

 I scan the crowd for Niyele as I push my way towards the door, but can’t spot her in amongst the bodies in the low-light. I bite my cheek, stepping outside, trying to come to a decision.

 “You looking for your friend?” A bouncer at the door notices my search. I smile sheepishly and reply affirmatively. He gestures down the street. “I saw her leave a couple minutes ago, headed in that direction.”

 Well, cheers to him for remembering her face.

 I thank the bouncer before setting off to find my friend and partner on this mission, angry that she ignored my earlier warning about the dangers of Coruscant. At least she seems to be going towards the location at which we’re staying here.

 After walking for a few minutes with no sign of Niyele, I’m getting anxious. Every dark alley and every shady person puts me on edge, the small blaster hidden in the waistband of my trousers my only comfort in this unfamiliar setting.

 When I finally catch sight of my friend, I’m initially met with relief as I see she’s fine, but as I take my first step into the alleyway, I quickly become confused, catching the words being exchanged.

 “Niyele? What’s going on?” My question is naive and desperate to remain oblivious as I break into the conversation between my old friend and a stormtrooper. She whips around, her wide, guilty eyes proving she’s been caught in the act of doing something wrong. “Were you- were your really about to-“

 “Halt!” The stormtrooper commands, raising their blaster at me. I already have my weapon ready though, and the white-clad soldier hits the ground, dead, barely a moment later.

 “You weren’t suppose to see this.” Is all Niyele says.

 “Weren’t supposed to see what? You selling us out to the enemy?” I spit my words, my chest tight as the pain of her actions takes hold. “How could you do something like that?”

 “How could I not?” Niyele retorts, any guilt in her expression vanishing, replaced with anger, her voice rising. “It’s because of you and the rest of the Resistance that my village - my home - was obliterated!”

 I stare at her in stunned silence, the venom in her words stinging.

 “You think... you think it was our fault?” I can barely whisper my words, her glare steely. I swallow thickly, my throat constricting and my stomach twisting. “We did everything we could to stop the First Order, and that’s what you have to say?”

 “Your presence only encouraged them! If it weren’t for you, my family wouldn’t be dead!” She shouts back at me, her fists clenched tight.

 “We all lost people that day,” My voice rises at her accusation. “Yet you would betray everyone that survived by giving away the location of our base. Why?”

 “It’s a small price to pay to ensure the Resistance doesn’t ruin the lives of anyone else.” She justifies her actions, not a trace of regret in her voice.

 I take a shaky breath, unshed tears blurring my vision. She was one of my oldest friends, but she’d leave us all for dead.

 Seconds of silence in our argument tick by. The sound of shouts in the distance urges me to do something.

 “At least they died protecting the people they cared for,” I speak up, meeting Niyele’s eye. “You... you just died a traitor.”

 “Wha-“

 Thump.

 She doesn’t even finish her sentence, hitting the ground before she gets the chance, dead by my hand. The blaster, still raised in her direction, feels foreign and suddenly so wrong.

 It clatters to the floor, and I crumple to my knees alongside it. I scrunch my eyes close, burying my face in my hands, but the imagine of Niyele’s lifeless body is seared into my memory.

 Niyele is dead. She betrayed us. I killed her.

 She’s dead. She betrayed us. I killed her.

 She’s dead. She betrayed us. I killed her.

[earthling-liya-blog]

little things we can do for the environment

a/n ok before anything GURL there are a lot of links tagged bc i didn’t rly expect this to be a long post and some will be further explained in a separate post ! maglilink naman aq pag nagawa na may edit button naman HAHAHAHA but ya this is a bit taglish but mostly english kase conyo tayo chz but yaaaaa

i would say disregard any grammatical errors or flaws but i like comments and criticisms. this isnt formal writing at all kase this was rushed kase naexcite ako,,,,, ayun ok i shld stop talking leTS GET DIS BREAD

nowadays, a lot of people have been inventing machines that help in saving the planet but the easiest and most simple thing that have a huge impact on our environment is following the 3R’s.

 REDUCE

here is a list of things on what you should reduce

1.      single-use plastic consumption

this is the most obvious material we should refrain from buying. i know it’s tempting but don’t buy that candy, or that water bottle. as they say:

 if you don’t buy crap from companies they’ll stop making crap.

 think about it, that candy you’ll buy comes with a plastic food packaging. that plastic’s purpose is to cover the candy from anything that can contaminate it, but once the candy is opened he plastic no longer has purpose and will be thrown away on the trash can. that piece of plastic was used once but will LAST FOR DECADES, and in those decades the plastic will go through a lot of.. things. y’know like…

other than plastic interrupting the food chain, we can literally kill all animals with the plastic bags choking them or filling up their stomachs with plastic. we’ve all seen the turtle with a straw stuck inside its nose.

truly heartbreaking. this video started a petition to ban straws, but please STRAWS ARE NOT THE ONLY PLASTIC PRODUCT HARMING MARINE LIFE.

 here are videos that prove so:

Plastic Ocean | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju_2NuK5O-E

Plastic is killing marine wildlife | #OceanRescue | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhksqkC6WV0

See How It Feels to Be an Ocean Animal Stuck in a Plastic Bag | National Geographic |  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaDx-WJAsaE

 now you can say “I don’t litter so how am I harming these animals? I throw my trash properly.” but no, buying from companies that produce plastic makes YOU part of the problem. 

the plastic you throw away “properly” adds into the landfill. as i’ve mentioned before, plastic lasts for decades. if we don’t reduce our plastic consumption, we will soon have a mountain of plastics. less plastic u buy, less plastic is produced.

 next time you buy from the mall, don’t tempt yourself from buying beverages and/or foods that come with plastic food packaging. if possible, bring your own food containers and a reusable tote bag or don’t buy at all. quit saying “it’s just one time” a lot of people say that everyday and see what problem we’re facing now? overproduction and overconsumption of plastic asshole. say no to single-use plastic !

2.      printing

this one’s new to me and im sure most of you are as shocked as i am. i always thought it was only because we were wasting so much paper by printing documents and other things that don’t really mean anything (tama na pagprint ng pix ng kras niyo mga burnok), but we keep buying cartridges.

here’s a tip: use recycled paper and reuse toner cartridges. I got that here https://www.colorado.edu/ecenter/zero-waste/reduce/paper-and-printer-waste. it says here that it costs wayyy less money cause duh reusing and reducing??? lam mo na yan mag-isip ka chz

 3.      electronics/appliances anything that consumes electricity

this one. this is something that’s hard for many of us to reduce and i admit im one of those who have a hard time letting go of their phone and uses the light the whole night.

 PHONE: for iphone users like me (weird flex but ok), apple produces a new model every now and then and it makes a lot of apple users buy the newest model. don’t be like them no matter how much money u have that u want to flex (money cant help you survive when earth is dying sis) also, iphones don’t really last a looong time for many users since it’s kinda breakable and well it slows down after a while lmao

my tip is buy what you think will last for a long time (coming from me eh) for you and if you want, try buying secondhand phones. for phones you broke that you piled up in a box (yep i do that), you can replace some parts of it that broke it or give it to recycling centers. According to the University of Colorado Boulder, phones have metals that can still be “reused and salvaged such as aluminum, gold, silver, copper and iron.” NEVER THROW AWAY PHONES OR ANYTHING ALIKE ! “The circuit boards contain arsenic, lead, mercury, and other toxins. The batteries contain heavy metals that are lethal to the land. Many of the chemicals in cell phones have the potential to be released into the air when burned and can create air pollution.” (Second Wave Recycling, 2013) This means that the phone you’ll throw away will intoxicate the landfill. just think about insects flying around and possibly animals eating garbage 

4.      water

do i even have to explain myself? hm maybe.

shower with a partner shower together

jk but seriously, save water. take shorter showers and please refrain from using the heater. here’s an article to further elaborate https://slate.com/technology/2009/10/exactly-how-bad-should-i-feel-about-taking-hot-showers.html

5.      fast fashion

oh you have no idea how much shopping can affect the environment. i didn’t know before either. but not only is the environment affected but also who work for companies that sell fast fashion.

a.      people have been treating clothes as disposables. clothes that don’t fit the trend nowadays either get thrown away or just stay in the corner of a cabinet.

b.      theyre cheap. and by cheap, i mean CHEAP. most of fast fashion clothing don’t last long that they end up in the landfill. even if you donate/sell it, chances are they’ll be rejected due to poor quality.

c.      “. . most garments (especially fast fashion ones) are made with inexpensive, petroleum-based fibers that don’t easily decompose (such as polyester, nylon, and acrylic), they’re going to be taking up landfill space for decades to come.” (Wood, K.) As Cline points out;

“people generally recycle plastic bottles or avoid buying them in the first place, but people are pretty okay with buying lots of plastic clothing”

next time you think of buying from forever 21 or zara, think about it. they are simply made NOT to last. think about the exploited workers, the products you could’ve gotten for a cheaper price if they were made locally, and the effect on the environment. do you really want to support companies that only gives a fuck about their sales?

read more in these articles: 8 Reasons to Rethink Fast Fashion| https://www.lifehack.org/articles/money/8-reasons-rethink-fast-fashion.html

Fast Fashion Is the Second Dirtiest Industry in the World, Next to Big Oil | https://www.ecowatch.com/fast-fashion-is-the-second-dirtiest-industry-in-the-world-next-to-big--1882083445.html

6.      meat and dairy

as a meat-lover myself, this was the hardest thing to do. im basically a carnivore since i hate veggies but i do eat a lotta ass fruits so no need to judge sis. but yeah this is so important yet so hard.

if you can, only buy products that are vegan. it doesn’t necessarily have to be food if it’s too difficult for you to let go. you can also have a #meatlessmonday or not eat meat 1-2 days a week.

this post is long enough so here’s an article to help u: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth

7.      waste

all in all, reduce waste. avoid throwing away literally anything. aim for a zero waste lifestyle and i can give tips in my next post on how you can reduce waste.

 REUSE

this is soooo hard to do. trust me, i would know BUT it is doable by an average person so shut the f*ck up and use that ugly reusable water bottle your aunt gave you. i don’t care how rich you are and how you can afford a lot more, but what does it matter if they wont be used much and be thrown away when it gets old?

avoid throwing things away and think about how it can still be useful to you or someone else. not everything useless to you is useless to everyone. let someone else find purpose for it or repurpose it yourself.

donate, not discard. choose reusable, not disposable.

  RECYLE

1.      plastic

this is the most important thing we have to do now especially with plastic. now note that not all plastic can be recycled. it’s important to know what type of plastic can be recycled and what shouldn’t

 so as it states, 1&2 are recyclable which is what you would see on a water bottle. it means you should throw your plastic bottles in the recycling bin. here are things you should avoid and things you should recycle

BUT OK BEFORE YOU DO THROW THAT BOTTLE IN THE RECYCLING BIN JUST A QUICK NOTE

PLEASE REMOVE THE PLASTIC LABEL AND DO A QUICK RINSE ON THE BOTTLE! IT LITERALLY TAKES A FEW SECONDS OF YOUR TIME.

bottles that still have the label on are considered trash and are thrown away instead of being recycled. if u ask “why don’t they just take off the label? it takes a few seconds as u said” well dipshit they have more bottles to worry about so if i were you i wouldn’t be lazy piece of shit and take off the label.

bottles that contained sugar drinks should have a quick rinse & make sure there is no left over ! not rinsed = trash. do i have to go scientific and geeky as to why they should be rinsed? i think not lmao

for the plastic i find that can no longer be recycled (ex. shopping bags, food packaging, small pieces of plastic i see lying on the ground), i put them in an ecobrick which i will explain in my next post.

2.      paper

paper can also be recycled. collect all those newspapers, cardboard, cereal boxes, failed quiz papers, rejected thesis papers and notes from your ex-boyfriend. all of them. don’t throw them away, or worse burn them. papers can still be given another chance at life by being remade. all of the papers should not be mixed with any plastic or wax coating.

TRIVIA: Recycling one ton of old paper saves 17 trees; 2 barrels of oil (enough to run an average car for 1,260 miles); 4,100 kilowatts of energy (enough power for the average home for 6 months); 3.2 cubic yards of landfill space; 7,000 gallons of wate; and 60 pounds of air pollution. 

 3.      glass materials

products that are packed in glass glass jars and bottles like RC or your local nata de coco jar are recyclable as well although i’d prefer to reuse them.  

TRIVIA: Recycling one glass bottle saves enough electricity to light a 60-watt bulb for four hours. 

4. books

no. i don’t mean sell it to the junkshop but if u want to, go for it. although there are a lot of people who’d rather secondhand books than new ones so sell/donate your old books to those in need !

5. clothes

i’ve mentioned this before already but i’ll say it again. buy secondhand clothes. theyre not gross and you wont look like those typical katip pipol that all wear the same shoes and/or polo shirts charet. you’ll even help save the planet.

  *note: it is still better to reduce than recycle so still avoid buying plastic and lessen use of paper. but, you do gain money from selling paper and plastic so start collecting your friends’ and family’s junk.

by doing the 3R’s, you can save energy and natural resources and help prevent environmental issues coming from the landfill and pollution. not only are you helping save the environment but you’re also saving money by reducing your purchase, reusing what you already have and promoting recycling.

a/n ulet this is my first post and i’ll be sure to post more tips and help raise awareness. my writing may have flaws and i accept any criticisms to improve ! help me be better and to save the environment:)

 check out another article related to this one:

http://www.irondequoit.org/community/green-initatives/16-community/125-why-should-i-reduce-reuse-or-recycle

[patchworkstudies]

just sleepover-y in general: how's it going? are you doing alright? any fun stories/things that are going well? i rly hope so because you're super cool and i absolutely adore your blog (+ that vibrant colour scheme is on pOInt)

omg thank u for reminding me i’ve been meaning to to change my theme and reorganize it and revamp the color scheme to be brigter, i’m thinking black and white and gray and then the same yellow as my icon? idk lmk if u have theme recs or ideas abt how i shld do it

u so nice what the hecK?? im glad that smbdy as cool as u is out there giving the name grace a good rep. there’s actually been a lot going on in my life recently so im gonna put the rest under a read more bc idk how long it’s gonna get lmao

ok so. update on the Gay Shit: i think i talked on here abt the person i was dating?? the butch one?? anyways we r not dating any more. dont worry tho yall it was completely mutual and there r no hard feelings whatsoever. they said they didn’t have the ability to put as much into a relationship rn as they wanted, and im so so glad they’re putting themself and their education first. tbh, i also need to get back on track wrt school and studying, and as much fun as i had w them, i need to start devoting my free time to working, not just being gay and shit. i think what we both really need rn is a friend, and im so happy that they’re open to talking about shit and still want me to b a part of their life. i rly like them and i’m super excited to b able to watch our friendship grow and learn more abt them as a person without the pressures of a romantic relationship.

in terms of the Depression Shit i mentioned, things have been kinda looking up?? i’ve taken my prozac every day for almost a week now, which may not seem like much, but,,,, trust me,,,, it’s a big deal. i’ve also not been oversleeping as much and been noticing a lot more energy and excitement when thinking abt special interests, so that’s a rly good sign!! 

report cards came out and my grades were,, not ideal, but also nowhere near as bad as i was expecting considering that i’ve barely been able to do any work in the past few months and really haven’t studied more than three hours total this entire school year. thanks, depression. i’m still getting a c+ in math, which i’m a bit disappointed about bc i had thought i was doing better but i’m aiming to get it up to a b- at least by the end of the year, which i think is totally possible. i’m going to try to talk to my teacher some time next week and see if he has any advice, and do my best to make up as many homeworks as possible for partial credit and practice. i’m getting a b in chemistry, which was really surprising?? bc i’ve turned in maybe three homeworks so far this semester and we’ve had a worksheet due every night. i need to get it up to a b+ so i can take organic chemistry senior year tho, and bc i’m planning on going into science as a career and a shitty chem grade won’t be helpful for getting into colleges. as far as the fact that i haven’t actually learned anything this year bc my teacher is fucking awful and easily the worst i’ve ever had.. well, i’ll just have to self-study over the summer. 

another Big Thing in my life was a gala event i went to on monday night. i don’t have the words to describe it and i’ll probably make a separate post but just. wow. i’ve never seen so many trans people in one room. i don’t think i’ve ever had a conversation with a trans adult before then, either. at least, not one who was out to me. the afterparty makes me cry every time i think abt it because that’s the closest i’ll come to being in a gay bar for the next six years, and the energy was just,, so good,,,, an older gay guy complimented me on my necklace and i’m tearing up just thinking abt it like!!!!!! the Older Gays don’t think i look weird or out of place and there were so many people who tried to coax me out onto the dance floor and make sure i was having fun but were super respectful when i said i was a bit overwhelmed and would rather just stay at the side and watch and there was a really cute girl who was my age who had the prettiest fuckign dress and i really wanted to ask her to dance but uh... ok this is actually pretty funny. yall will not believe who i bumped into. my fucking therapist,,, who i had had an appointment with less than an hour earlier,,,, was also at this event. i dIED when i saw him it was really funny and tbh made me feel a lot safer like he’s the only gay adult i interact with on a regular basis, and therefore literally one of the only adults i trust wholeheartedly and seeing him happy and dancing and in his element made me want to cry for ten years. but yeah..... i see this girl and im like holy sh9t !!1!!1 bc she was so pretty and id overheard her saying that she was in ninth grade so like,..,., my age.,,.,..,., and i almost get up the courage to ask her to dance and i look over and. my motherfuckign therapist is standing like three feet away from her.

anyways im not going to ask a girl out in front of my therapist. i would not be able to look him in the eye ever again. also i didn’t know if she was straight. so i just had fun and hung out on the side of the dance floor instead, but i did get the chance to go up to her b4 i left and awkwardly compliment her on her dress and how pretty it was.. so better than nothing. also i got to wear formalwear that wasn’t a dress for the first time and tbh???? i never want to wear a dress again holy shit like i just felt so much more like me and i was so comfortable and this was honestly a defining moment of my experience as a butch. it was a rly gay outfit tbh like u kno those posts abt the intersection of butch fashion and twink fashion?? that was this outfit. it was this like rayon turquoise button-down with the sleeves rolled up and the bottom tucked into a pair of dark gray suit pants with a black belt and doc martens for shoes and my fav necklace which im pretty sure is this one in the black/gunmetal color. i looked so good ok the only things i’m a little sad about was that i haven’t gotten my binder yet so i couldn’t bind (i had to wear a bra instead of having a flat chest) and there was this red tie i got which i really liked but it didn’t really fit under the collar of my shirt bc it wasn’t really meant to b worn with a tie. and also my dad said the colors would have clashed but imho it would have looked gay and cool and just wasn’t his kind of straight fashion. but whatever, neither of those r a big deal, what’s important is that i had so much fun and felt so validated and safe and y’all should really check out the documentary Real Boy (link to the trailer) i got to talk to the guy it’s about and he was super chill and nice even tho i was super overwhelmed bc it was.. probably the first time ive ever talked to a trans adult who i knew was trans and who knew i was trans and just wow also he performed one of his songs and it was really really good so i’d recommend checking out his music (the song he did was for my family and i’m pretty sure he left half of the people at the gala in tears).

uh wow i’ve been writing this for like an hour so i should probably get started on work soon thanks for asking tho i hope you’re doing well!!!!!

[adhdyosafire]

 i wanna talk abt kyana so here’s me talking abt kyana,

    tbh i think the thing i’;m proud of the most abt kyana’s character is. she’s a villain . she iS like p much all the other variants in mou/nt massive but u kno what separates her ( n tra/ger maybe. who knows. he was the worst out of them all lbr bu that’s another post ) from all the villains ??? aka like , eddie n chris? it’s the fact that she knows she’s a villain and whatever she’s doing is completely wrong ( bc like eddie thinks he’s just helping ppl by making them ‘’’beautiful’’’ in his eyes 4 his own fantasies /. jus solely doing so 4 the sake of getting a wife. u kno the drill / chris thinking he’s mercy killing everyone else in the asylum 2 save em from the wal.rider ) . for instance she’s aware that w/e theyre doing in mm is FUCKED UP other than way/lon himself but she ignores this. why?? ‘ lmao why shld i care. none of my business. ‘ she isn’t going to get some personal gain here except maybe justice but again , she practically lacks a conscience , so justice = literally NOTHING to her. 

   as cringy as the term is kyana wld literally be the embodiment of ‘ yolo ‘ bc god fuck it , ya probably do. once ur life end it’s literally over. bye bye. no more this n no more that. so in her perspective if ur just going to waste ur life livin’ like a goody two shoes kind of guy and jus follow w//e rules ur given to , then boo . it literally fucking sucks to her bc honestly , living ur life w/ so many rules n regulations to follow is like living in a cell and being given instructions all day long w/ an endless amounts of do’s and don’t’s. and when u die u’d go fuck why didn’t i do that and so many regrets and she doesn’t want 2 deal w/ that.

    in her childhood time she was very spoiled yet very , very lonely. she was v intimidating to most people despite her overconfidence or w/e . her manipulative behavior began when she had a friend who was often teased / bullied , so she tagged them along w/ her but only used them for her own gain . WHY???? bc goddamit , ‘ why not ‘ she wld say. it’s literally ur life. do what u wanna do. who cares abt others. will their feelings affect u? does their sadness matter to u? no. it doesn’t. ( nother thing 2 mention tho is she lacks remorse so guilt isn’t in her dictionary ) 

    in other words sometimes kyana is just. literally an empy void ttrying to do something 2 sate her boredom. she’ll fuck a cactus if she has 2. she’ll steal skittles at like 3 am if she wants. bc yolo right?? in terms of love as she’d say there was literally no point in giving ur entire hope to someone who’ll eventually and MIGH leave u. she giving her trust to someone is like her giving a literal piece of herself to that certain someone , n honestly THAT type of vulnerability / opening up is smth she can’t do

   she’s just honestly confused tbh. she prolly believes in that one theory where everything around u is FAKE and ur the only real person so nothing matters 2 her. her parents did maybe , but despite them giving birth to her at an old age they died early n literally kyana couldnt find herself to get close to anyone else bc her parent’s death affected her a lot ( WHICH is literally so tragic 2 me honestly . i mean it’s kind of cliche n overused i know , but they didnt die of a car crash. not of any natural disaster. not bc of this n that. jus bc of age. a natural state of life. they died bc we all die anyway n there’s literally no escape to that ) 

    tho she doesn’t cry there’s certain points where she might have , or wld end up saying smth ( i.e is like that one shit im tryna write in her whistl/eblower canon in where she was about 2 shoot way but he begs her not to , bc ofc he has a wife back home n children too . franky speaking kyana parly wanted children as well , mayb life wouldnt be bad if she did have someone of her own blood but bc of her own damn self leading herself 2 infertility , she couldn’t get children. so her line there wld be like ‘ i wanted a family too , y’know. but we all don’t get what we want , sooO  ‘ n proceeds to kill him anyway ) 

  tldr kyana is literally NULL and a fuq da popo guy. if she can do smth for her own benefit then she will , bc if it benefits others then what’s in it for u??

[theiamzilch]

Weekend Getaway, Words frm the heart

There were lots of signs/sangkak before the trip, during the trip, and otw home too. He had not enough to spend for the trip, plus, he had to return some money to customer. The gearbox gave way at yong peng and we had to slowly make our way up KL no matter wad. We reached KL at 5am. Yup, 5am. And fret not, we left early at abt 9pm...due to this, we were delayed. The trip itself was fulfilling as we got to spend wisely on our hantaran gifts. Gg back, he was hit by a migraine and i drove back all the way till JB. All in all, mission accomplished and i also managed to get my work done during the trip. As the days draws near i want nothibg but to fill myself with positivity. This is my motto and i hope to make a change and stay this way. Small changes are vital. Im not gnna dwell and swell so mch on an issue. Im gnna look at it in a logical and rational manner. And as a muslim, im gnna take every argument, issue like a small test for me. I shld not worry a thing because i know Allah will always give me the best. Although now it isnt the best time for me...but i know Allah works wonders and only He knows whats in my heart. I aim to work towards a common goal and objective. To prepare myself for the wedding proper. Im gg to partake a heavy role soon. All the more i shld take away all my negative vibes in me and change my thinking into positive ones. I know im not perfect but im working on it. I cannot please anyone. Even he will have some things against me. But i lve gotta take each and everything at a stride and always reach out to Allah because He never disappoints. Im still on my green tea diet daily, aiming for a better physical preparation to get my body ready for the big day (ive sourced for helpful skincare products, aiming to engage a regular spa/message/facial sessions), relationship wise im taking baby steps to address it...thank God he allows me to still stay in my crib after marriage...because it will b a great impact if the change is too sudden. This wedding is gnna be a simple but proper one. At the end of the day its the life after marriage that stays eternal. Looking at mama now...i hope she will be able to make it till my day. It is their worst that i witness and it is only me who knows how much they are suffering. And it is me, who only understands how parents go through them. Allah i seek YOUR mercy and grace to allow me the room to still b ard my parents after the marriage. To care and to love and to always be there when they need one. Ive yet to come to terms being separated from them. May Allah give me strength. May i have a supportive husband who will understand and allow me to still b ard my parents, may he too be a part of their other whom they will call their son and all i want is a little understanding in this journey. House is gnna b ready soon. Awaiting letter and further discussions on the loan refinancing. This, too is another challenge. Bismillah.

[theiamzilch]

First Day Ramadhan in CGK

We were out of time to go but had to do it. I didnt want to follow for a fact that im afraid im nt able to spend the buka puasa with family. But i offered to follow thinking of him and what it wld be like if he had to buka puasa alone miles away from family. Indeed he needs another person to help add the luggage weight home. I decided to follow him on a condition that we be back at least by 6pm so that we have time to rush for buka with family. I woke up and met him, we headed to the airport together. We watched dilwale which was funny because the lead actress has my name. It was a pleasant normal visit to the shop until the last hour we had to rush back separately to the airport. It was when things turned sour. I was there helping him as mch as i can to gegas to the counter. But little did i expect that the driver whom i took with was not cooperating and was taking his time although ive reminded him numerous times to be quick. The driver was not helping the situation. What more when his anger accumulated into a stones throw at me. Wrong place, wrong time and tension was high he blurted things of the future what i shld have nt done. Ive sincerely explained that i just reached as soon as he came. I wasnt delaying any time. I was already going in when i turned he was at the entrance door. That was when we took the rush to go in. I even ran towards the counter to check in. But i was already closed. There at the counter he blurted out his anger at me. In front of the staff. I was tremendously hurt by his words. I cried. When i was crying he was still being angry towards me and i let him do it because any words that come out of my mouth isnt gonna make him okay after all. He said i wasnt being clear with my words. He wont be angry if i was honest but in his actions he was already showing it when he pulled me by the side to talk to me. He said i wasnt trying to hasten the situation. He said alot of other things and even included accepting him as my husband into his scolding. While raising his voice, he said he wasnt angry at me but at the situation but reality im the one who got to the experience of receiving his anger. He said he didnt even ask me to pay. I was already not having any money with me at that time. What more when we have promised that i will repay through the repair of the car. In my heart, no matter the cost, i will head back and pay him back with whatever i have so that he would not say such hurtful accusations at me. If i wanted to retaliate i could but it will bring no where. I was already so hurt by more of his words as it comes in, it felt like it doesnt matter anymore if im around him yesterday to be by his side coz his words just hurts v much. I didnt utter any words back to him. I kept it all to his assumptions of what kind of person i am. He only apologised for the words he said to me at the counter. But he wasnt (in action nor words) apologetic of all the untrue words he blurted out to me at the corner. He took me back to the waiting room and i just sat there and cried. It hurts. Still he didnt say anything else, expecting me to brush it off whatever he has said to me at the corner. He tried to pujuk but he doesnt know how hurtful his words were and how important it is to tell me that he didnt meant any of it. I asked him a question while boarding to tell me if he meant what he said at the corner. Still there, he thinks im thinking negatively about him. I was more hurt listening to more assumptions abt me over the question. My heart felt like there is no point me being beside him over all my initial niat to be there with him in the first place. I cried boarding. It was almost buka time and there i was with the man whom i love but he has just blurted so many hurtful words to me at the corner. I calmed myself down with a throbbing headache im experiencing. The flight wasnt a smooth one either...it felt like there was a turbulance. The plane was shaky which made me more afraid. The passenger by the window changed place and i just quickly sat beside the window. It was buka time as i was witnessing sunset from the sky. I could not leave the sight missing him to witness it with me. I nudged him to sit beside me...and when i saw he was crying...i knew he was saying his sorry for the words he said to me earlier. His tears trickled more and i took the opportunity to ask him that he actually didnt mean what he said to me. And he nodded didnt... I told him to see the sunset with me together. Nothing beats the feeling of sharing moments like this with him. Realising my niat to be with him during buka time and just be able to be beside him when he needed someone the most. I kissed him at the sight of sunset thousands of feet frm the ground. He took my kiss dearly. He wasnt feeling well and so was i. We were exhausted frm the trip and fasting. I wanted to rush home. But looking at him offering to buka first made me sat down and teman him eat before we go back to our families. I managed to reach home at 10pm and spent about an hour of quality time with marissa. Its sad when the eldest does not make the effort to be around with us on the first day of puasa. Its stupid how they could prioritise their business when a visit after buka also could do it. For parents sake. Im frustrated but ive lost their respect as the eldest in the family. Im utterly saddened.