#we literally don’t need instagram to keep up with each other if the friendship was good

[sleevebuscemii]

I NEEEEEEEEEED TO DELETE INSTAGRAM

[verstappen-cult]

SWEET LIKE VANILLA, M. VERSTAPPEN.

PAIRING. female reader x max verstappen.

SUMMARY — You send Max some ice cream from your brother’s company.

GWEN’S RADIO MESSAGE. i saw a lot of people talking on tw about charles sending max some of LEC ice cream for him to try and i thought. . . why not write that with reader? so here we are. hope you like this silly little thing. comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

“Hey,” You say, scrolling through your phone as your brother flops down next to you. “Could you give me a box of the Vanillove ice cream?”

Charles looks at you for a minute without saying anything, until he shrugs and focuses on the TV. “I thought you hated vanilla.”

“Well, yours is pretty good so,” You shrug, turning to look at him with a pout on your lips and puppy eyes. “Would you do that for your favorite sister?”

“You’re my only sister.” He says, rolling his eyes. “And you’re annoying, but you also know I can’t say no to you.”

“Say no to what?” Arthur pops up from behind the kitchen counter. What is he doing? You don’t know.

“To give me a box of ice cream.”

“You say you couldn’t do that!”

“Of course I can, I just didn’t want to do it for you.” Charles laughs, dodging the water bottle your younger brother throws at him. “Are you two going to the masters this Sunday, right?”

“Yes!” Arthur shouts before disappearing into his room.

“Who is going to the masters again?” Leo wakes up from his nap next to you and climbs on your lap, demanding attention.

“Well, I think Enzo and Charlotte. Lando, Arthur.” He says, checking something on his phone before saying, “And Max.”

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of Max Verstappen.

The thing is, ever since you decided to partner with Joris and help with whatever thing he and Charles needed and, of course, his social media, you’ve been traveling with them since Las Vegas last year. Which means that you’re a constant presence on the paddock these days. And, thanks to that, you’ve become very close with some of the drivers, especially with one more than the others.

You weren’t looking for it, it kind of just happened when you bumped into him at a nightclub in Las Vegas after your own brother ditched you to make out with some random guy in the bathrooms. Max was kind enough to keep you company and then, when your brother stumbled out of the bathroom too drunk to remember his own name, he drove you both back to your hotel. He even made sure you were in your room before saying goodbye and going to his own hotel.

From then on you couldn’t stop bumping into him literally everywhere, so, it was only natural that you’d start making conversation, then following each other on Instagram was just as natural as moving the conversation to text messages (it was easier).

Your friendship has developed so much that you’ve been running together around Monaco lately, after you bumped into him at seven in the morning, surprised to see him running the same path as you.

And if you had a crush on the Red Bull driver before you started to be friendly with each other, well, nobody needs to know that — especially not your brothers or you’ll never hear the end of it. It was hard to act normal around him at first. You were just a girl with a crush, after all. But things have become a lot easier with time to the point of forgetting about the big, fat crush you have on the Dutchman. Well, that is until he does or says something that has you blushing and stuttering and acting like a complete fool in front of him.

Knowing that Max is going to be there this Sunday is equally mortifying, and exciting.

“Oh, okay.” You smile, scratching behind Leo’s ears while your brother has his eyes on you. “I’m coming, by the way.”

Charles hums, “The box is going to be here tomorrow.”

Your belly erupts with butterflies at the thought of what you’re about to do with that box of ice cream.

It’s Sunday, sunny and everyone is wearing their best clothes while waiting for the match to start.

You’re standing next to Lando, who is talking to Charles about the next race, when you see Max Verstappen coming in.

He’s wearing some blue navy linen pants with a white button down of the same material, a pair of dark sunglasses and his singular smirk.

Max is greeted by your older brother, who is quick to engage in conversation about some random thing you can’t hear from where you are standing.

But then he’s excusing himself and walking over to you.

You don’t know if he’s actually looking at you thanks to the sunglasses covering his eyes, but you feel small and shy nonetheless.

“Hey, mate.” Lando claps his shoulder, making space for Max to stand between you and him.

“Hey,” This time you know he’s looking at you because his entire body is turned in your direction.

“Hey, Maxie.” You say, the corners of your mouth curling up. “Nice clothes.” You cringe the second the words leave your lips. Nice clothes, really?

Max just chuckles before looking over to your brother. “Hey, Charlie. Thanks for the ice cream.”

Oh. My. God.

Shit.

Fuck.

You had forgotten about that.

Well, no. You hadn’t forgotten about it because, in fact, you've been thinking about the box of LEC ice cream that you sent Max all week.

You didn’t think he was going to bring it up, because you were sure he was going to think that Charles was nice enough to send his friend some of his ice cream. Or even that it was some PR move from his part.

However, he brings it up in front of you. And Lando. And the owner of the ice cream who doesn’t know anything about it. All he knows is that you wanted some vanilla ice cream because you said you liked it.

“What are you talking about?” Charles asks, confused. “It’s not being sold in Monaco yet.”

It’s Max’s turn to look confused. “What?” He takes off his sunglasses. And you’re not at all ready to see his deep blue eyes, so you avoid looking up at him. “You sent me a box of… Vanillove is it called? I didn’t know you knew I only liked vanilla.”

You want to die. You want for the earth to swallow you right now.

“Max,” Charles says at the same time you look at him, eyes pleading not to say anything. “What?” He asks you, eyebrows raised in question.

And then you have two more pairs of eyes on you.

You decide, right at that moment, that you’re not going to talk to Charles ever again. Why does everyone talk about that silent connection between siblings where they know what is going on with just a look? Because you, certainly, don’t have it with Charles.

Lando snorts, hands immediately covering his mouth. He looks at you, amusement on his face.

Oh, that is just great. Lando knows.

And your brother still has no clue, “What happens?” He asks again, this time grabbing your arm softly to make you look at him, but your sandals are more interesting.

“The match is about to start.”

Thank God for Lorenzo. You could kiss him just because he came at the right moment to save you from embarrassing yourself even more without even knowing.

Everybody talks and moves at the same time, making their ways over the seats.

“Hey,” Max touches your shoulder, making you turn around. “Are you okay?” Max touches your forehead with the back of his hand and you pray to all the gods above that he doesn’t notice you shivering because of it.

“Oh, yeah, it’s just the sun. It is a little hot.” You smile, dismissing the topic with a wave of your hand.

“I’ll get you some water,” He drops his hand and you immediately miss his warmth. “save me a seat?”

You feel your heart hammering in your ears as you nod, walking away with his question and the little smile that came with it replaying in your head.

You find your seats behind Arthur and his girlfriend, in the rows next to yours separated by the stairs is Charles and Lando, yapping like their lives depend on it, next to them is Lorenzo and Charlotte.

You’re thinking about what to say to Charles because he is, eventually, going to ask you about what is going on and you know he will not rest until you give him an answer. You are a shitty liar, so you need to practice.

Max calls your name, drawing your attention back to the present.

“You have your head in the clouds today.” He hands you a water bottle and you take a long sip, trying to gain some control over yourself.

“I’m sorry.”

“Will you tell me what is going on?” Max looks intently at you, a small smile still on his lips.

You sigh. Well, he needs to know, right? You owe him that.

But then, Max is leaning closer and pushing a strand of hair out of your face, resting his hand in the back of your neck and stroking ever so softly.

“You smell,” He says, closing his eyes for a second and inhaling. “sweet like vanilla.”

His words send a thrill down your spine, words stuck in your throat. Max expression softens, mixed with something you can’t describe.

He rubs his thumb gently over the sensitive skin of your neck.

“You sent the ice cream, didn’t you?”

You take a sharp intake of breath.

The closeness and the warmth emanating from his body along with his touch are making your brain go fuzzy at the edges.

“Y/N?” He smiles at you when you make eye contact, his blue eyes deep as the ocean. “It was you?”

You nod, blood rushing to your cheeks. “Yes.” You breathe, embarrassed and shy and feeling like an idiot.

“I knew it.” He says, chucking. You tilt your head to the side in a silent question. “I told you about my favorite ice cream flavor just a few weeks ago. And suddenly I have a box full of vanilla ice cream from LEC?” Max pulls his hand away, but is still close to you. “I mean, Charles and I are friends but we’re not that close.”

“Oh, God.” You hide your face behind your hands. “I was going to tell you. Eventually.”

“Why didn’t you?”

You look at him from between your fingers. “I don’t know.”

Max sighs, lopsided grin plastered on his face. “Now you have to come to my apartment and help me with them. It’s a lot for one person.” He shrugs, trying to look nonchalant but you see the blush quickly spreading over his cheeks.

“I would love to.”

Max flops his head on your shoulder and gazes up at you with those big blue eyes of his. “It is a date.”

Max definitely doesn’t need to know that you hate vanilla ice cream.

[jessicafurseth]

Reading List, In a Flash edition.

The Laughing Heart [Charles Bukowski, 1993] Your life is your life Don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. Be on the watch. There are ways out. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light but it beats the darkness. Be on the watch. The gods will offer you chances. Know them. Take them. You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life, sometimes. And the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be. Your life is your life. Know it while you have it. You are marvelous. The gods wait to delight In you.

[Image: Lucas Allen]

*

"Some of the ways friendship changes in this life stage is just “being in your 30s.” Friends are already disappearing from dinner parties and birthdays and day trips and concerts and “God, I’ve had a shit week. Can we just sit on your couch and eat takeout?’’ evenings. There are so many big events besides having children that make you less available to friends: serious relationships, career changes, getting sober, moving cities, caring for aging parents, finances. We talk through those moments because we’re aware enough of how important friendships are and how hard they are to keep. You literally live longer the more adult friends you have, and if you believe the surgeon general, we’re all one invitation away from being part of the “loneliness epidemic.” Parenthood (specifically motherhood) is a known contributor to feeling isolated, but though we tell friends, “You work too hard,” or even, “Your new girlfriend is a drag,” we never point our fingers at the baby and say, “That thing is tearing us all apart." Can Parents and Childless People Be Friends? [Allison P Davies, The Cut]

"We have brothers, sons, lovers – but they can’t live here!" The 26 older women living in a cohousing community in Chipping Barnet [Anita Chaudhuri, The Guardian]

The Case for Love-Life Balance [Faith Hill, The Atlantic]

‘Oddly satisfying’: what’s behind our drive to collect useless items? [Amelia Tait, The Guardian]

Celebrities are now “honest” about diet, exercise and beauty. I wish they weren’t [Amelia Tait, The New Statesman]

"The internet as we know it is a glorious, awful, intricate, sprawling series of networks that needs our information in order to function. We cannot go back to a time before this was true—before turn-by-turn directions and eerily well-targeted ads, before we carried little data-collection machines in our pockets all day—and nor would all of us want to. But we can demand much more from the reckless stewards of our information." What Digital Privacy Is Worth [Charlie Warzel, The Atlantic]

"There are so many fun things to do on the internet. You can watch that History of Japan video for the zillionth time. You can have a glass of wine and reply enthusiastically to the Instagram Stories of everyone you know. Anything, truly anything, is a better use of your time than getting upset that a stranger somewhere disagrees with you." Social media is making you angry. You simply have to ignore it. [Rebecca Jennings, Vox]

You don't have to post about your moral outrage [Elizabeth Spiers, The New Yorker]

Citizenship Restored - a fascinating story about gaining German citizenship as a descendant of Jewish refugees [Daniel Trilling, the London Review of Books]

"This pandemic skip — the strange sensation that our bodies might be a step out of sync with our minds — happened to people of all ages. We’ve heard of those freshmen in high school, who, never having attended middle school, went back to their classrooms punching each other like 12-year-olds. A friend skipped from 57 to 60 and, when she started dressing up to leave the house again, realized she felt distinctly out of sorts in her clothes — her dresses felt suddenly too short or too colorful. (At 57, she said, patterns felt ironic. At 60, they didn’t.) My skip, I realized, had carried me swiftly through what would have been my last couple years of socially permissible carelessness. And what I’d dropped into didn’t especially appeal, particularly after having been trapped in the house cats-in-a-bag style for three years: real adulthood with all its attendant concerns." The Pandemic Skip [Katy Schneider. New York Magazine]

“I was on my own so much, just with my thoughts. The way I describe it is like weeding your garden. You don’t realise it, but your head is full of these weeds and when you’re walking, you’re on your knees pulling weeds. After about a year and a half, when I was down in south Peru, I felt like I’d thought all the thoughts, and the garden was clean. There was no more angst, no regrets, nothing I could pick through. I was in the Atacama desert, lying under a million stars, and it felt I was at the bottom of myself. All the doubts went. It was a hollowed-out feeling. A simple sense of existing – you’re just a small little creature in the universe. It was just peace.” Tom Turcich on his seven-year walk around the world [Simon Hattenstone, The Guardian]

A Guide to Lana Del Rey’s Literary References [Sophie Lou Wilson. AnOther Magazine]

"A completely correct theory, in which one of our greatest movie stars reveals humanity’s changing relationship to modernity." Sandra Bullock and the Rise of Tech [Jim Windolf, The New  York Times]

"When people say they’re able to strictly abide a certain diet under any circumstances, I feel both a bit jealous and also incredulous: what are you missing? Not just food-wise, but conversation-wise. I find it important that I’m always coming into friction in the world about being a bivalve-eating vegetarian: how else would I know how unfriendly the world is to a plant-based diet? How else would I be told stories of the vegans who eat cheese only in Spain or the vegetarians who make accommodations for certain seafood? I want to know these stories, and I want to know everyone’s food story." On the ‘Grandma Rule’ [Alicia Kennedy]

Historic England is creating  an online map of ghost signs [Steven Morris, The Guardian]

[mysometimesjournal]

I feel like I got to a point in my life that I finally realized that the way I feel about people is not the same way they feel about me. I know, it seems dumb to even think that it would be the same, but still. For some reason, in my mind, if I tried really hard to keep a friendship close, it would work out, but the truth is, no one can keep a friendship by themselves. It takes two people, it takes effort from both sides. Just like any relationship.

I feel like my wedding season taught me hard lessons. I realized that one era of my life had literally no representation at my wedding. I sent out invitations, some sent a present, some commented on my stories, some liked my pictures and that was about it. Yes, I can’t expect that people will travel to a different country to come to my wedding just because I would be willing to do that for them.

The thing is, I realized that those people that I hold near to my heart and remember our experiences with smiley faces don’t feel the same way about me. A wedding is not just the union between a man and a woman that love each other, although that is the main reason, but it is also a moment of rejoicing with those we love. It is a moment to celebrate every era of our lives with the people that matter. I was willing to be that person for each of those people whose love I craved so much at that moment, but it did not happen. Not the way I needed it.

And no, I didn’t need them to sell their cars or houses to pay for a ticket to Brazil, I just wish they would have been more honest and would choose to be part of that moment even from a far. I had friends in other states that couldn’t come to Brazil but watched the live and posted about it, some even dressed up. They chose to be there even if not in person. I could feel their love even though they were from a far. But no one from this era did that for me. No one chose to share their love and their willingness to be there for me, even if from a far.

It hurt so much because those were people that I strongly held close to my heart, those are people that lived so many hardships and happiness together with me for years. Of course, we need to keep on living but why not continue harnessing the friendships that you already have? Those that mattered so much, those that you thought came before you were born? We should move on from boyfriends who cheated on us or sucked, but we should not move on from good friends.

Yes, we all move on from experiences especially if they happened years ago, but why do we have to move on from people who once were a main part of our lives? I don’t want to stop caring, but I also don’t want to love by myself. I wish I received more love back. I wish I could feel their care on a similar level to mine. I wish those moments meant to them what they meant to me.

However, I have accepted reality and decided to move on from that era, from those people while holding with a happy heart dear memories. I will always be grateful for that era and what it meant to me, but I cannot expect anything from it anymore. I guess we got to the point in life to like some pictures on Instagram, sometimes wish a happy birthday and move forward once in a while remembering a moment but associating to something and someone that already passed in our lives and won’t pass again.

[mixedstyles]

anything alaya related plsss

Instagram Blurb

you ask and you shall receive

Harry and alaya!reader annoying each other via social media

ALaYA Masterlist | Masterlist | ask box!

34,578 likes

areyoulistening classes are starting back up so i thought i’d pull this from the one direction side of tumblr circa 2012. HELPFUL HINT: if he’s your lab partner, run :)

View all 262 comments

fandomcentral AFVDFUNGD Y/N IS A FUCKING ICON

adoreuclub stop I remember reblogging this in my 1D tumblr days 😭🫣

harrystyles My lawyers will be contacting you shortly.

↳ areyoulistening JustHarryThings 🫶🏼

hrryfan I love that the first Harry photo she’s posted is a 2012 tumblr photo imagine

↳ areyoulistening gotta respect where i came from🫡

user007 Harry being y/n’s favorite 1D member: confirmed

↳ areyoulistening wrong. i was a niall girl🫣💀

━━━━

12,649 likes

DailyStylesNews Harry via Instagram Stories August 27

View all 147 comments

hsfan2001 Their friendship is keeping me alive

↳ areyoulistening it’s not going to keep him alive for much longer because i’m about to ki11 him 👿

↳ harrystyles JustY/NThings 🫶🏼 @.areyoulistening

↳ areyoulistening YOU CAN’T REUSE MY COMMENT @.harrystyles

↳ harrystyles What are you gonna do? Kill me??? @.areyoulistening

stylussy their interactions are so entertaining 😭😭

user01 Oh to have Harry Styles as a close friend 😔

↳ harrystyles She blocked me.

↳ user01 HAHAHAHAHA NOOOOO

↳ harrystyles Oh. She unblocked me. But I now have a strongly worded DM from her. @.user01

user007 harry is so active because of y/n. we truly love to see it

↳ fan03 he’s also being super interactive with us too??? like he just replied a couple times to someone’s comment

━━━━

56,016 likes

areyoulistening welcome to my TEDtalk titled: “Bread Might Be Gold but This Look Certainly is Not”. today i’ll be discussing the evolution of male facial hair and what certain styles mean in relation to the times as well as giving tips on how to accurately pick the best style that suits you.

[tagged harrystyles and ted]

View all 1,068 comments

hisgoldengirl Why do people hate his mustache 😫😫 I must know. He LoOkS So GoOd

fannlyfe Are they in some kind of prank war or???

↳ user11 Nah, I think this is just their friendship

↳ fanmade mhmmm their ✨friendship✨ @.user11

harrystyles Geez you really came for my throat with this one.

↳ areyoulistening Was it too harsh? I feel bad now

↳ harrystyles No, no, carry on. Just sleep with one eye open. @.areyoulistening

hrrysgrl fave pic of all time 😌

dumwitch Her fucking caption. Holy shit. HER CAPTIONS ARE LEGENDARY. The fact she tagged Ted talks too 😭😭😭

harryshq Harry I love you, but the mustache is not it

━━━━

1,800,807 likes

harrystyles “Why’s the sun so bright?” she asks as she’s looking directly at it. The sun is bright but she’s not.

[tagged areyoulistening]

View all 6,048 comments

liveloveharry Okay but like… I kind of get it

user_3 I want to know what prompted her to look up at the sun 🤔

↳ harrystyles Literally nothing. She’s just like that. It often worries me.

areyoulistening in my defense, i didn’t think that it would be that bright with the fabric over my eyes.

↳ harrystyles You mean, you didn’t think the SUN would be bright after you put a thin piece of white fabric over your eyes? Yeah I definitely see the logic there @.areyoulistening

↳ areyoulistening HEY NO NEED TO GET SNAPPY. ARE YOU STILL MAD OVER THE MUSTACHERRY POST? @.harrystyles

↳ harrystyles wtf is a mustacherry? And no I’m not mad over it smh. I just care about your overall health and general wellbeing. You staring at the sun negativity impacts said wellbeing. @.areyoulistening

↳ areyoulistening awww he cares 🫶🏼 @.harrystyles

↳ harrystyles Of fucking course I care. I want you to stay by my side. You can’t do so if you don’t take care of yourself smh @.areyoulistening

hsfan24 AHSFHEHA HARRY ADMITTING HE LIKES Y/N???!!!???

dailystylesnews So this week we’ve had: y/n and harry officially acknowledge they’re at least friends, us as a fan base once again having the mustacherry conversation, and harry ruining is ig aesthetic to post a photo of y/n… anything else?

↳ allthatmatters he also publicly admitted his feelings for her 🫢

I realized I forgot to tag everyone… days later.

tag list: @theekyliepage @tati813 @reveriehs @thomaslefteyebrow @mxltifxnd0m @gothmingguk @b-reads-things @noooovaaaaa @be-with-me-so-happily

(let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!)

[rinkrats]

🥺 that mike lange story. But also those tags #sid loooves christmas #he loves giving presents #looks good in red #piles on the pounds fast #post hockey career as santa 😂😂👌🏽👌🏽

he loves his mementos and presents and is COMMITTED to them. scrapbooking. matching jackets. little pills with hidden motivational messages~*~ his love language is gifts and neck smooches and stalking geno. relevant right now are some anecdotes i sent a friend earlier this year for dorky sid gifts fic fodder:

1. Crosby's constant thoughtfulness would be impressive from anyone, much less someone of his stature.

"Sid always texts me happy birthday, he's always asking me like, how's Russia?" Evgeni Malkin said. "We talk and message all summer. He asks me how my skates are. He knows, like, everything. He follows my Instagram, I think (laughs)."

In addition to having a handle on those little details, Crosby is constantly providing those around him with memories and mementos. If the team is on the road and goes, say, sightseeing or to a sporting event and takes a group photo, Crosby will later send a framed copy to everyone.

When Ron Hextall and Brian Burke watched their first Penguins game in person, Crosby is the one who approached head equipment manager Dana Heinze and asked for two used game pucks to give to the new GM and president of hockey ops. 

After the Penguins won in 2009, Crosby had jackets made for the three players on the team who had scored a Cup-clinching goal in Game 7: Talbot (Pittsburgh), Ruslan Fedotenko (Tampa Bay) and Mike Rupp (New Jersey).

"They were blue jackets with gold buttons, and each one had a patch on it that said 'GWG Game 7,'" Talbot said. "At one of our first team meals the next season, he presented us with the jackets and did a big ceremony with the music and stuff. We had a private room in the restaurant. I still have the jacket."

-The Consummate Teammate, Captain and Ambassador, Feb 2021

2. Merz: My first interaction with Sid was when we were on the bench, guys were talking about a teammate, and the first thing this 15-year-old says is, “Hey, guys. Let’s keep everything positive. Don’t talk about your teammates that way.”

Salcido: When we were getting ready for nationals, he found these little pills that you could put a hidden message inside. They unscrewed, and inside was a tiny scroll. He gave one to every teammate. … He had everyone fill one out. He didn’t tell anyone what to write, but he made it known that we all knew what the goal was: winning nationals. So we wrote on our scrolls, rolled them up and put them in the pill thing. We kept them with us everywhere we went.

-‘Is this real?’: Stories of Sidney Crosby’s year at a Minnesota prep school, May 2020

3. On “Butterfly Boy” Jonathan Pitre:

Though the Senators are his team, Sidney Crosby has always been Jonny’s favourite player. After the TSN documentary airs, Tina gets a call from the Penguins. Sid needs Jonny’s measurements. He wants to have a suit made for him by his personal tailor, Domenico Vacca.

“It’s the kindest, sweetest gesture,” Tina says. “Sid heard that Jonny went to a lot of games, so he wants him to look like he’s one of the guys.”

“I want him to feel like a pro,” Crosby says. “Here’s a guy who is going through something so painful, and his first thought is always, ‘How can I help others?’ When I was young, I’d watch on TV the players coming to the rink in their suits. That was a cool part of being an NHL player. I want him to feel that, to make it as real as possible for him.”

Tina tries to discreetly measure Jonny while she’s changing his dressings. But he’s way too smart for that.

“Um, Mom, why are you measuring me? Am I going for surgery again?” he asks.

“No, no!” Tina replies, trying to reassure him and come up with a good lie, all in the same breath. “The doctor needs them just to make sure they have proper dressings next time you are in.”

A few weeks later, the sharp navy blue suit shows up at their front door, along with a couple of ties, an autographed stick and a handwritten letter from Sid. 

“His eyes just light up,” Tina says. “Jonny always liked to be well-dressed, and he just loves having his own suit. It fits perfectly. He looks so good in it.”

-Beauties by James Duthie (2020)

4. Pascal Dupuis inspired his Pittsburgh Penguins teammates on their run to the Stanley Cup, and Sidney Crosby found a special way of driving that message home.

Dupuis retired in December with lingering health concerns because of blood clots. Despite his NHL playing days coming to an end, the veteran forward remained an integral part of the Penguins and was in uniform to hoist the Cup after Pittsburgh's six-game win against the San Jose Sharks in the Stanley Cup Final.

On Sunday, Dupuis brought the Cup home one last time as a player to share a special day with his family, friends and hometown fans.

"Yes, it does feel bittersweet a little bit," Dupuis said. "You get the Cup, you want to celebrate. But at the same time I got a gift by the mail [Saturday]. Basically, it's a book of all the pictures of all the good stuff we went through. It came from Nova Scotia, so you guys can figure out who it came from (Crosby), but he couldn't give it to me during the season, he saw me skating a little bit.

"And he sent it [Saturday], before my day with the Cup, so he knew what he was doing to get me right here," Dupuis said, putting his fist over his heart.

-Pascal Dupuis shares Stanley Cup with family, friends, Aug 2016

5. In 2011, Crosby was out of the lineup with a concussion, and the Penguins made their annual visit to Children’s Hospital.

Crosby got along so well with one boy there and was so touched that he later asked Bullano to go back... just the two of them, no cameras, no attention.

When Bullano and Crosby met for the follow-up visit, Crosby appeared clutching a pair of Toys “R” Us bags, filled with a Transformer toy the two had discussed.

“He literally bought every type of this toy they make,” Bullano said. “[Crosby] had never seen it before and thought it was so cool.

“There are no pictures of this. There’s no video. He was laying in the bed with the kid. They were just playing. We were there for over two hours. I got to know the mom really well because we were just sitting there.

“The kid had no idea. Didn’t expect it. They had no idea he was coming. We got there and he said, ‘Hey buddy. hope you don’t mind that I came back.’ The kid couldn’t believe it.

“[Crosby’s] crazy cool about stuff like that.”

What’s crazy is trying to recount the many times stuff like this has happened with Crosby:

• The Little Penguins Learn to Play program has been around for nine seasons, outfitting now 1,200 kids with free head-to-toe hockey equipment. Not only does Crosby serve as the face of the program — which the NHL has now adopted — but he helps fund it, too.

“There’s an awareness of what a person in his position can bring,” Penguins vice president of communications Tom McMillan said. “I think he activates that as much as anybody I’ve seen during his playing career.”

• After a recent practice, Crosby noticed a local family in the Penguins dressing room, approached them, introduced himself, learned their story and wound up giving them a signed stick.

Nobody asked Crosby to do that, and he wanted zero credit when discussing it a couple days later.

“For people who have the opportunity to come in here, people dealing with certain things, if you can brighten their day a bit or spend some time with them, it’s something that’s special for all of us,” Crosby said.

• A few years ago, through a team charity event, Crosby befriended a 4-year-old Amish boy with cancer. Crosby remarked to Bullano how much he loved talking to the boy because of how engaging the boy was and how he wasn’t consumed with technology. Crosby even tried to visit the boy but learned he had passed away.

• He learns the first and last names of the kids who attend his hockey school in Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia.

“Two kids came from Japan its first year,” Bullano recalled. “He was so blown away by that. He couldn’t wait to meet them.”

• Earlier this season, the Penguins welcomed Grant Chupinka, 24-year-old cancer patient, into the dressing room. Crosby chatted up Grant and his parents, Steve and Kim.

He spent his usual time — about two or three times the requirement. Gave the tour. Then found out the Chupinkas didn’t have tickets for that night’s game and decided he would pay for them to go.

“I’m sure he could just give them an autographed puck or something, but he takes his time to go out and see them and talk to them and get to know them,” Brian Dumoulin said. “It speaks volumes for him and who he is as a person.”

Spend any length of time with Crosby during his visits with those less fortunate, and a few things become obvious.

One, Crosby is really good at these. Smooth but not in a slimy way. Sweet. You know how when you’re around someone talking and they go out of their way to make eye contact with everyone around? That’s Crosby.

He’s also humble, always introducing himself like those he’s meeting don’t already know. Holding a hand is no issue. And Crosby is the rare 20-something pro athlete without kids who acts every bit like he does.

“It is not an easy situation to talk to someone with terminal cancer,” McMillan said. “A lot of people couldn’t do that. He has an amazing ability to do that and make that person feel good.”

Crosby has welcomed several Make-a-Wish kids and tries, if at all possible, to schedule such events for practice days — to maximize the time he’s able to spend.

He’s developed a special friendship with Patrick McIlvain, a soldier who nearly died when he took a bullet to the head in Afghanistan. McIlvain actually does physical therapy with one of Crosby’s sticks.

A former club hockey player at Cal U, McIlvain comes by every year, and the Penguins don’t even bother to tell Crosby. Either he already knows or immediately stops what he’s doing to come say hello.

“He’s not doing it to leave a legacy,” said Terry Kalna, Penguins vice president of sales and broadcasting. “His numbers leave the legacy. He’s just a down-to-Earth, good guy.”

Before a visit, Crosby has Bullano email him what is essentially a scouting report on who he’s going to meet. He likes to learn about them, their situation and what they’ve been through. As much information as he can ingest. Crosby never just swoops in, shake a hand and leave.

“As much as anyone has ever seen, he accepts the responsibilities of being not just a professional athlete but a star professional athlete,” McMillan said. “He views it as part of the job. Like coming to the morning skate. That’s just what you do.”

Put another way, “he owns those moments,” says Kalna.

Said Bullano, “He’s just a good human being.”

-When it comes to giving, Sidney Crosby does as much as he can, Feb 2017

6. When Crosby received a generous signing bonus on his Reebok deal, he wanted to share it with everyone.

“He gave everyone on the bus gifts,”  says Oceanic radio commentator Michel Germain. “Him sharing his bonus with all the people he’d been travelling with for two years, that impresses me greatly. I think the most important thing about Sidney Crosby is his personality and the kind of human being he is. What he exuded. The inner richness he’d already developed.” 

-Superstitious and generous, Dec 2006

7. also this simply because it makes me ;w;

Even in defeat — no, especially in defeat — Sidney Crosby proved why he wears the "C" for the Penguins.

After the game, with his heart sinking and his season over, the Penguins’ captain bent over, sank to the ice to pick up the puck, took it to linesman Tony Sericolo and then skated to his team’s handshake line.

I immediately thought of a View from Ice Level I’d written on Crosby making sure a retiring official was sent away from PPG Paints Arena properly. I knew picking up the puck wasn’t for the same reason that was, but I also knew, in some way, it was connected to Crosby’s awareness and respect of the game.

“It was for the Islanders,” Crosby told me after the game, his eyes swollen from a first round exit – by way of a sweep to make it worse. He told me how the winning team always wanted the puck, and it was his way of providing it for the Islanders.

Crosby looked me right in the eye as he told me this, just as he did with every other member of the media to come to him after the loss.

I could tell from those swollen eyes and the way he sat at his stall, by himself with his hands folded as he stared blankly, that Sidney Crosby is much more used to being on the receiving end of a puck when a series ends than he is at retrieving it for the winning team.

That scene. His swollen eyes. Staying in the locker room until most had left – talking to anyone who needed him. Most of all, though, picking up the puck that prompted my question in the first place and making sure the right people got their piece of their own history.

It all adds up to one thing: In victory and in defeat, Crosby respects the game above all else – just as he’s always done.

-Even in defeat, Crosby shines, April 2019

[arvinsescape]

could you please write something like tom and actress reader obviously like each other but they haven't taken it further yet bc reader is scared it will mess up their friendship but they're still flirting with each other at comic con panels or interviews for spiderman? 🙏

Flirts.

A/N: I love this, thank you so much for sending it in and thank you for your patience in me getting back to you. I hope you enjoy 💕

Warnings: Suggestive content.

You and Tom had been close for years, ever since you met on the set of Civil War, you had a close bond. He was there for some hard points in his life and vice versa, you kept each other grounded. Most people thought you were together, theories that you'd been together for a long time, engaged even, the two of you would laugh it off.

Of course you were in love with him, you had feelings for him, had for a long time. But you had such a close bond that you just couldn't jeopardize, not for anything. You also didn't wanna make things awkward because you had a few films left to film together.

You had a very flirty relationship and this extended to interviews, Zendaya had asked multiple times why you weren't together.

"Z, I've been over this." You groaned, you were in your trailer having a few drinks together.

"Yeah and I'd understand if it wasn't so obvious that you were into each other." She said with a laugh.

"I don't know," you groaned. "Why are you hassling me, he hasn't said or done anything either." You tried to end the conversation.

"I'm talking to you about it, I don't need to talk to Tom, it's so obvious how he feels, no one needs to ask."

"Z, please can we not?"

"You are so close though."

"Which is why I don't wanna ruin it."

"Y/N, I'm close to Tom but you two are different."

**

"So Y/N? Celebrity crush?" The interviewer said.

"I would have to say Tom." You said and Tom looked at you with a wide smile.

"I knew it." He fist pumped the air. "You're mine to." He said with a wink.

"Oh sorry, I meant Hardy." You smirked and Tom almost visibly deflated.

"Well that's my dreams shattered." Tom said and everyone laughed. "I feel emotional wounded."

"Aw it's okay, I'll keep in my heart that I'm your crush."

"I changed my mind."

"No take backs Tom."

**

"I have a question for Y/N." A fan said as they stood up at comic con. "How do you do all those scenes with Tom when he's topless, do you get distracted?"

"Oh massively, all the time. It's a wonder these films ever get finished." You answered as Sebastian laughed.

"In between all the flirting these two do, I agree, it's a wonder we ever finish filming." Anthony chimed in and you laughed. "You should see her face when Tom walks around set, just love eyes all the time." He added.

"That's good to know." Tom laughed as he placed a hand on your knee which sent the fans into a frenzy.

"Like this one can talk," Sebastian said. "He literally looks at her like no one else exists, I am convinced they are dating and it's the best kept secret ever."

"Are you?" The host asked the two of you and everyone watched as you both smiled at each other.

"No." You answered at the same time. "Just really close." Tom added and your heart did a flip, he didn't use the word 'friends' like you expected him to, like he usually did.

"You know, we had to do this scene and Y/N here decided to do her own stunt and somehow knocked herself out," Anthony started and you groaned. "And this one?" He said as he clapped Tom's shoulder. "Wow, you should've seen him, you'd have thought she'd nearly died."

"I was just making sure she was okay." Tom defended himself.

"It's because he's in love with me obviously." You said as you leant your head on Tom's shoulder and he put his head on top of yours.

"Secrets out." He teased, placing a kiss to your head as you laughed and playfully shoved him.

**

"So who's seen Y/N's recent film?" The interviewer asked and almost all the cast raised their hands. "Because there was a lot of her in that." He added.

"Tom's seen it loads, but he always watches it alone." Anthony teased as you laughed.

"It was a good film!" Tom said in defence.

"Oh yeah? Which bit is your favourite." Anthony asked.

"You know the bit with the-"

"Y/N's sex scene?" Anthony interjected as Tom laughed embarrassed.

"Yeah that bit was pretty good." Tom said through a laugh, both of your hands where now covering your face in embarrassment as you shook your head.

**

"So are you both aware that people write fanfiction about the two of you?" The interviewer asked and Tom burst into a fit of giggles, you kept a straight face as you looked at the interviewer.

"Yes."

"Oh really? How'd you know?"

"I write it." You said as a laugh escaped your throat.

"Based on real life events." Tom added and you both burst into laughter as his head fell on your shoulder and a hand rested on your thigh, high enough to get your heart racing.

"Have you ever read any?" The interviewer asked, amused look on his face.

"Oh loads." You said sarcastically.

"It's just about the only reading I do aside from reading a script." Tom snorted.

**

"You and Tom are close?" Graham Norton asked as he pulled up a picture you'd taken and posted to Instagram.

"Yeah, we are." You said with a smile.

"Be honest here, is there anything else going on?"

"No." You shook your head.

"Seriously?"

"Yup. Just really close."

**

It'd been a long day of promo, everyone was quite tired. You yawned as you sat on the couch in the dressing room, Tom joining you.

"You tired?" He asked as he looked at you.

"Yeah." You yawned as you held back another yawn.

"Come here." He said as he coaxed you to lay your head in his lap, something you'd done a thousand times. What you weren't expecting were Tom's hands massaging your scalp and the way you instantly relaxed into it.

"You should get some sleep." He said as he lent over to look at you and gave you a kiss on the forehead, yet another action you weren't prepared for. You were to tired to fight or question it as you felt yourself succumb to sleep.

**

"Now, Y/N L/N," Graham started with. "The last time you were on my sofa I felt lied to." He said and you placed your face in your hand, knowing what was coming as you heard him laugh.

"Did you?" You squeaked out as Graham pulled up a picture from the other night.

"Yes, now if we study this picture for a second. Daniel Radcliffe what would you say is going on here?" Graham teased as you fanned a hand over your face to cool your rising temperature.

"I mean it looks like Y/N's kissing Tom Holland but I could be wrong." Daniel shrugged as the audience and the other celebs burst into laughter.

"It does doesn't it. Y/N, you told me you were close and nothing else was going on but can you tell me what was happening here?" He asked as you looked at him, smiling in embarrassment.

"I, we, I don't." You stuttered out.

"Leave the poor girl alone, she looks like she's about to combust." Emily Blunt defended you as you shook your head and took a deep breath.

"I technically didn't lie, not when I was last here. We really were just friends then." You said.

"So you're not now?" Graham clarified.

"Sorry?" You tried to dodge the question.

"Just friends, you're not just friends now?" He said with that signature grin.

"No." You huffed in defeat as everyone erupted into squeals and cheers.

"When did this happen?" He pried and you smiled.

"Around eighteen months ago." You clarified.

"And who made the first move?"

"He did. Well, no, I suppose we both did." You said. "It was after the last movie came out. We had a bit of an argument about something and the next thing I know we were kissing, I'm not really sure who kissed who first." You said and Graham laughed.

"But now you're official?" Graham asked and you nodded.

"I mean they've been in love for years, trust me. I'm happy they decided to give into it." Robert Downey Jr said from next to you as you smiled shyly. He was here promoting a different movie and it had been good too see him again.

"So is the other rumour true?" Graham asked. To say you'd been together for eighteen months you kept things pretty quiet, both being private people. You never denied the rumours but you hadn't properly confirmed them either.

"What rumour?" You asked, knowing exactly which one he was probably talking about.

"You know," he said as he held his cards up to his face, feigning being discreet. "The engagement rumours?" He said as you placed a hand on your face to hide your embarrassed laugh and smile, holding your left hand up for the audience to see and when they did, they erupted yet again into a fit of screams and cheers.

[letskookandbaek]

Rightfully Yours: Chapter 2 | Jeon Wonwoo

Soulmates doesn’t necessarily have to be in the form of a romantic relationship.

But when feelings grow between two best friends, will replacing the friendship label jeopardize everything?

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆  ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆  ｡･:*:･ﾟ

- Wonwoo x Fem Reader

- feat Mingyu, Yeri (RV), Seokmin, Jihoon, Minghao, Soonyoung, Chan, Seungcheol, Jennie etc.

- Word count: 1790 words.

- Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Fluff, Non-Idol! au, College! au, Romance, Slight Drama, Slight Angst.

- Series Warnings: Cursing, Suggestive scenes, Insecurity, Family Issues, Food, Violence (let me know if there are more).

prev | next

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You and Wonwoo managed to book a small room in the library to brainstorm ideas for the public speaking assignment. It was individual work but since the both of you were so used to helping each other out, it was only natural to discuss about it together. You were seated facing him with each other’s laptops in the middle. While he was busy typing, you were busy researching on a few topics to choose from. Not long after, you both fell into a comfortable silence. One of the things you appreciated about being close to Wonwoo was the ability to be in the same room doing your own thing and not feel the need to always talk. Sometimes spending time together in silence is enough to make you feel comfortable and at ease.

Since Wonwoo was more introverted, it was only natural for him to keep himself occupied even when you were around. But you on the other hand were not able to do that with just anyone. It’s either you work at a public spot or you do it at home alone. There was no in between. The right amount of trust and comfort is needed for you to be in close proximity with someone in a private setting while keeping busy. The thing is, you didn’t like showing your vulnerable side to most people and doing so in a sense was being vulnerable. Most people knew you as the pretty Instagram girl and along the way you’ve come to realized that many people only wanted to be close to you for your looks.

It was always for clout, popularity and never for who you were. At one point you just got sick of it. Even some people whom you regarded as close friends came to be backstabbing jealous bitches at the end. Since then you were careful in choosing who to be close with. Apart from Yeri, only Wonwoo knew that private side of you. The you who liked wearing old oversized loose tees with messy hair and not shower till the next day, for example. He has teased you multiple times about it but it never bothered you because you knew it was just banter. With most people you felt the need to try, but with Wonwoo you didn’t. “I honestly wanna talk about cohabitation among young unmarried couples, what do you think?” you looked up from your laptop to meet Wonwoo’s eyes. “Sounds good but make sure to specify your topic and focus” Wonwoo adjusted his glasses before continuing to type on his laptop. You nodded and after typing down a few words, you proceeded to close your laptop and walked over to Wonwoo. Without even looking, he let out a sigh.

“You wanna leave now, don’t you?” his voice was unsurprised.

“We’ve been here for hours, Woo~” you whined while pouting.

“It has literally been less than an hour“ Wonwoo shook his head.

“Can I continue eating the ice cream in your fridge while we do our work at your place?” you asked in a cute voice while gently pulling on the sleeves of his gray sweater. The top honestly really did him justice as it was perfectly snugged on his arms, revealing the shape of his biceps that he has been working on lately. You were aware he was getting many more stares that day but your best friend paid no mind. You on the other hand really enjoyed making other girls jealous by grabbing and holding onto him whenever you can. You felt sorry for the girls as you knew that Wonwoo prioritized brains and personality over looks. 

“Let me finish up this one part first, okay?” his voice was soft as he gently pat your hands, eyes still focused on the laptop.

You hummed a “mmm” before slowly packing your things up as you waited for him.

“What am I going to do with you” he muttered under his breath, loud enough for only him to hear. There was a hint of amusement in his voice.

As you were busy packing your things, Wonwoo watched you with endearing eyes. He cared for you so much and sometimes he wished you could see it. He was never good with words. But you like words. He hoped that his actions could make up for it. After closing his laptop, you both walked to the basement parking lot together. He fished out his car keys from his pocket and you can’t help but notice how good his wrist looked adorning the Swarovski black leather bracelet you gifted him during his birthday last year. As if having a pretty wrist wasn;t enough, he also had to have nice veins. While in the car, you took over the aux cord and blasted your favourite R&B playlist. Another thing you liked about being close to Wonwoo was that he was always so accommodating to you and your wishes, well most of the time. When one of your favourite songs starter playing, you tried to imitate the singer’s high pitched falsetto.

“You sound like a dying whale” Wonwoo managed to let out as he laughed, trying his best to focus on the road.

“Shut up, we might crash!” you slapped his arm even though you knew Wonwoo was one of the safest drivers out there.

After a short drive from campus, Wonwoo arrived at a guard house. He waved at the security guard before tapping his card against the reader, driving slowly into the expensive looking condominium. You remembered how surprised you were when you first found out about Wonwoo’s affluent family background. At that time, you had only known him for a couple of months and he had never given the impression of a rich kid. It’s not that he didn’t dress well, he just preferred dressing up casually and comfortably. Hoodies, sweaters, t-shirt, sneakers, caps, just like your typical college boy. Honestly, the dude was handsome enough to rock a trash bag as a fashion statement if he wanted to. He was also really humble and never once flaunted his wealth. In his own words, “It’s my parents’ money, not mine”.

You remembered an incident that was the turning point in your friendship with Wonwoo. After coming back from an evening class one day, you found out there was no water supply at your dorm. Frantically you called Yeri for help because how the fuck were you gonna shower?. Unfortunately she was at a different state with her family which left you with no choice but to contact Wonwoo. Yeri was the first friend you made during orientation and it was always just the both of you, until Wonwoo and Minghao came into the picture. You felt uneasy to call Wonwoo for help at first because even though you were somewhat close to him, you had never been to his place before and you felt rude to just be like “Hey can I use your bathroom real quick to shower? My place has no water supply” ? . Wonwoo on the other hand was really calm when you called to explain your situation and he drove to come pick you up without hesitation. While you were busy showering in Wonwoo’s luxurious bathroom, your eyes fell on the large and beautiful looking bathtub. You were so tempted to try it but decided not to since it was your first time there. Many visits later, Wonwoo’s home has become like your own and you didn’t have to ask permission for anything anymore because you became that comfortable.

After arriving at his place from campus, Wonwoo continued to work on his other assignments in his room while you were busy stuffing your face with his ice cream, already changed into comfortable t-shirt and shorts.

“Wonwoo, could you take a break for a sec? I want to continue watching that new Netflix drama” you called out from the living room.

“What’s in it for me?” His head peeked through the bedroom door with eager eyes.

“I’ll buy dinner” you said in a sing-song voice.

“And dessert? Since you’re already finishing my ice-cream”

“Deal”.

The rest of the day was spent doing your own personal tasks and when night fell, both of your tummies were filled with Mcdonald’s while you both caught up with the new Netflix drama. It was cozy and comfortable. Then again, you felt this way whenever you were with Wonwoo. Maybe it was because of the many experiences you went through together, like that one time you screamed in his kitchen because you saw a spider. Despite you disturbing his nap, he helped you to throw the spider away in his crumpled shirt and bed hair. You will never forget how adorable he looked. There was also that one time when he was out with the boys and your uterus decided to be a bitch. Your period cramps were so bad that night, you had to call Wonwoo to get you painkillers because you didn’t stock them up in time. You felt terrible for troubling him but he rushed to your side nonetheless and gave you the medicine. He even stayed with you until you fell asleep. You also had your fair share of comforting Wonwoo. When his mom met into an accident and ended up in the hospital during second year of university, you made sure to be by his side so that he won’t be consumed by his own worries and thoughts. Wonwoo never cries but you knew he was hurting, he just tried his best not to show it.

After watching two episodes of the Netflix drama, you started yawning.

“Go to sleep” Wonwoo instructed as he paused the drama.

You didn’t plan to stay the night but at this point, there were more impromptu sleepovers over planned ones at Wonwoo’s.

“I don’t want to, it’s early” you whined, shaking your head like a child.

“Fine fine, but I’m going to play a quick game of PUBG with the boys though” he informed, eyes on his phone. You laid on his lap and made yourself comfortable.

“I’ll just scroll on Instagram” you mumbled.

“The bed is much comfier than my lap” he teased with a chuckle.

“I am not sleeping, Jeon Wonwoo” you challenged and stuck out your tongue.

Wonwoo just shook his head and proceeded to play his game. Less than 10 minutes later, soft snores were heard from his lap. He realized that you were already sleeping with your left hand still gripping your phone tightly.

“This stubborn girl” Wonwoo complained but his heart felt full watching you sleep so comfortably. He didn’t realize he was looking at you a little longer than expected, making him forget his game. He cursed internally after realising he lost that round.

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Series Masterlist

Masterlist

[cafedanslanuit]

chapter guide | prev. chapter | next chapter

✖   —   chapter summary: Now that Zeke has explained what truly happened with Yelena, all your troubles have finally ended. Except that now you need to start avoiding Porco. However, things change once you overhear a conversation in the woman's bathroom.

✖   —   pairing: porco/reader & zeke/reader

✖   —   chapter tags/warnings: college au, descriptions of panic attacks, lots of self-doubt, gaslighting, hurt/comfort, fluff, referenced cheating. 

✖   —   a/n: i have posted the playlist that goes with this series! click here to check this post <3

chapter three: me and my husband

Porco looked at his cellphone, an ill sensation filling up his stomach as he read over and over your last messages. For the past few days, he had been trying to reach out to you but he had been rejected every time.

He knew something wrong was going on the moment you said you couldn’t make it to his lacrosse game. Ever since you became friends, you hadn’t missed a single game. He had once seen you finishing an essay on your phone and sending it while you were sitting on the bleachers, excited for the game to begin. He had seen you falling asleep on his shoulder during a party after a game, too tired from studying for a test that you took earlier.

Porco sighed. He wished he could find any other reason to explain your behaviour but the only one that came to his mind was his late night confession to you. He shouldn’t have told you he loved you. Now you were avoiding him and his feelings and he was scared he had lost your friendship completely.

He put the phone on his back pocket and grabbed his keys, heading to the parking lot. After getting into his car, he turned on the radio and drove out of the campus, entering the main highway of the city. He wasn’t sure where he was heading to, but all he knew is that he wanted to stop thinking about you, the moment he thought you had shared and the dry messages that followed.

He had really fucked it up.

…

 Sitting on your faculty’s corridor floor, you looked over at the texts Porco had been sending you the past week. It physically pained you to be so curt with someone that meant so much to you. Porco had always been there for you, even in the times you had told him you really didn’t need him. He cared when you got sick, when you were sad and also when you wanted company to crash a party on campus. You two had been inseparable since the day you met and he was already acquaintances with Annie and Armin due to all the time he had spent at your place.

This was the right thing to do, you told yourself one more time, closing your Instagram. You were taking the right decision. Porco had fallen in love with you and then had tried to make you think your boyfriend had cheated on you. If Zeke hadn’t pointed that out for you, you probably wouldn’t have noticed until it was too late. Truly, you were lucky Zeke had been understanding about the whole situation and had forgiven you for not trusting in him.

Porco wasn’t a bad person. You knew in your heart he wasn’t. But you had been wrong to trust he had your best interest in his mind.

That’s what didn’t make sense. Why had Porco, sweet and caring Porco had suddenly decided to put you against Zeke only just because he had caught feelings for you? The Porco you knew wouldn’t have done that. If he truly only wanted to drive you away from Zeke, he would have let you kiss him the night he spent with you. He would have taken the opportunity, right? So, why didn’t he?

Your head started hurting.

Your thumb ghosted over Porco’s contact on your phone, wondering whether to call him or not. You missed him dearly and knew that if you asked him to be honest, he would. There were countless moments in the past where he had been honest with you, from the time he confessed to accidentally stepping on your foundation powder and the time he opened up about his father’s death.

He’ll say anything to make you doubt your relationship with me.

Zeke’s voice resonated in your ears and you bit your tongue. He was right. You needed to remember Porco was trying to put you against your boyfriend.

Before you could think of a counterargument, you shot a quick text to Zeke. Yes. A day with your boyfriend would help you keep your mind busy.

“wanna hang out later? <3”

You watched intently, a small smile on your face as the three dots twinkled on your screen. Zeke’s answer came a few seconds later.

“Can’t. Exam tomorrow :(“

He then sent you a picture of a couple of books over a table that you recognized as the university’s library. He also had the tumbler you had given him a couple of months ago, filled with straight black coffee if you had to take a guess.

“:(( okaaaay, good luck on your exam, love u!”

“<3”

You put your phone away and sighed. You missed Zeke too. The few days after you had confronted him about the time you thought you saw Yelena and him kissing, he had showered you with love. You had spent the weekend at his place wearing nothing but an old t-shirt of his and making love several times a day. You snuggled to him on the couch as he watched an old documentary and playfully took the cigar from his lips and took a puff yourself. ‘Ladies like you shouldn’t smoke,’ he had said playfully as he took it back from your lips and then pressed a kiss on your temple.

Nevertheless, the short honeymoon phase after you made up had come to an end. You knew it was going to happen, but now your body and heart were craving more of him and his classes were taking all his time. If it wasn’t an exam it was a group project or a study session and even if you knew seniors had it way harder than you, you missed him. Missed his beard scratching your neck, his strong cologne and his deep chuckle whenever you managed to make him smile.

Maybe you could walk around the mall. You still had some birthday money and you could treat yourself a little. Maybe a new body cream or a pair of cute underwear from Victoria Secret to surprise your boyfriend after he was done with his classes. Yes, a shopping trip was exactly what you needed to stop thinking so much. Smiling, you walked to the bathroom of your faculty, just a quick detour to freshen up before you got into your car. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror and took out your lipstick, fixing it carefully.

“I fucking hate her.”

You turned around as you saw three girls entering the bathroom. They stood by your side, none of them seeming to notice your presence. One of them fixing her hair, another was looking down at her phone, eyebrows knitted together and mumbling more and more curses and the last one just leaned against the bathroom stalls, arms crossed against her chest as she watched the other two.

“We did tell you she wasn’t meant to be trusted,” she reminded the girl with the phone. When she raised her head, you recognized her as Pieck, one of Porco’s close friends, who you had seen around at a lot of parties and on many of his Instagram photos.

“How is that helping me?” Pieck asked icily.

“I’m just saying, Yelena is shady. Telling you all that crap about only being able to open up with you— and for what? For her to post photo after photo of her fuckboy?” the girl in front of the mirror said. “Like, nobody needs to know you’re getting it at the library, why post about it? Literally, nobody cares.”

“She’s not worth it,” the other girl interjected. 

“She really isn’t, babe. And Zeke isn’t even that hot,” her friend continued with a mocking laugh. “The one that looks like a clown is her, not you. Just let it go.”

“He truly is a bad case of the monkey face,” Pieck agreed with a snort. “Men like that are what keep me a lesbian.”

“Hi Pieck,” you greeted her. For the first time, Pieck looked your way and widened her eyes, recognizing you in an instant.

“Hey,” she said in an apologetic voice. “I— I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.”

You faked a chuckle. “It’s okay. I just wanted to say you shouldn’t worry about them, Yelena is—”

“Yeah, yeah, we both shouldn’t worry. You’re probably trying to move on and ignore them too,” Pieck sighed and then pursed her lips in discomfort. “But I know you were Zeke’s girlfriend for a while, it’s normal you don’t want to hear about who he’s fucking now—”

“Zeke and I are still together,” you interrupted her.

Pieck’s face fell at your words. She looked at her friends, who were also looking at each other with an indecipherable expression. Your furrowed your eyebrows, confused as to why they were sharing those glances. Why would they think you weren’t with Zeke? Sure, you hadn’t posted photos with him lately but that didn’t mean you weren’t together anymore.

“I’ll catch up with you in a bit,” Pieck said softly to her friends. They nodded and said they would be by the cafeteria before leaving. Once they went away, Pieck closed the bathroom door and walked to you again.

“Why— why would you think we’re not together?” you insisted, your voice trembling more than you would have wanted.

“Yelena and Zeke are fucking,” she sentenced in a soft voice. You shook your head.

“I know that’s what it looks like but Yelena likes women,” you said. “You— I mean you guys were dating or something, right? You know she’s a lesbian, she’s just pretending to have something with Zeke so her parents back off for a while.”

Pieck’s silence was deafening.

“Right?” you pushed. “It’s cool because she’s a lesbian and—”

“Yelena is bisexual.”

You paused, blinking as you tried to understand. After a few seconds, you shook your head.

“She’s not.”

“The reason we’re not dating anymore is because I saw her fucking Zeke at a party,” she explained.

“No,” you said, and shook your head once more. “No, because if it happened at a party then someone would have seen them. Someone would have noticed, there would have been rumours, I would have  known . Pieck, someone would have told me, Reiner, Marcel, Porco—”

“They weren’t there. Almost everyone was a senior.”

“Then you! You would have told me,” you cried. “You’re telling me you saw my boyfriend fucking someone else and didn’t tell me!? Pieck—!”

“I thought you weren’t together anymore!” she defended herself. “What was I supposed to think when every single one of his friends at that shitty apartment knew he was fucking her in the bedroom and they all acted like it was a normal thing to do? I see all these photos of both of them and…” she continued, shaking her phone. “Of course I think he’s not with you anymore! Yelena is uploading pictures as she rests her legs on his lap, about their movie dates at his place and you want me to think she has a girlfriend!?”

Tears started falling from your eyes as she spoke. You sniffled, trying to compose yourself but you could feel every muscle of your body shaking.

“Does Porco know?” you asked in a whisper.

“Porco?”

“I know you two are best friends since high school. You— you had to tell him. If this was real, if this happened, you had to tell Porco,” you reasoned. “So tell me, Pieck, does Porco know?” you insisted, raising your voice, hating the way it cracked at the end.

Pieck shook her head. “I told him Yelena cheated on me, didn’t tell him with who.”

“Why?”

“Because he told me not to date Yelena, said she wasn’t a good person. I didn’t want to prove Porco right, you know him,” Pieck said with a small shrug.

You nodded idly, your eyes lost. No. It didn’t make sense, it didn’t— even if it did. It did make sense but it  couldn’t make sense. Because if Pieck was right, if Yelena and Zeke were—

No.

“Give me a date,” you whispered.

“What?”

“When was this?”

“I don’t— Two weeks ago?”

“I need to know the exact date, Pieck.”

“Girl, I don’t remember exactly, I—”

“Give me a date, Pieck!” you sobbed, raising your voice. She sighed and nodded, taking out her phone.

You watched as Pieck went through her messages with Yelena, scrolling up as she tried to remember the date. Your breath was hitching, inhaling more than you were exhaling but you didn’t care. You wanted to know when it was. Pieck was going to tell you it happened on a date where he was with you. She was going to say it happened one of the nights you and Zeke stayed the weekend at his place and then you would know she’s lying. Yes, that was going to happen. She would tumble over her own lie and this nightmare would be over.

“March 31st,” Pieck murmured. “I kept texting her, asking where she was before I went to look for her,” she reminisced, before showing you her phone.

.

.

                                                            00:36

. 

                                                                                           lena where are u

                                                                                                            ?????

                                          why are my friends saying you’re with zeke rn

                                                                                         yelena answer me

                                                                                    fuck u i’m going there

                                                            01:19

 .

                                                FUCK YOU YELENA YOURE THE WORST

                                                                  PIECE OF SHIT IVE EVER MET

                                                                            REALLY???? ZEKE?????

                                                                           HOPE YOU GET HERPES

                                                                                 I FUCKING HATE YOU

babe, i’m sorry

can we talk?

.

. 

A bitter taste crept inside your mouth as you took out your phone and went through yours and Zeke’s messages, looking desperately for the date. It was the weekend you spent together. It had to be. The memories of Zeke’s kitchen calendar that said April were lying to you. It had to be March. Or maybe he changed the calendar because he was with you on March 31st.

You scrolled up until March and went to read the messages exchanged on that day.

.

.

                                                            07:23

.

Good morning! I know it’s really early

But I want to see you today <3

Meet me at the tennis court?

                                                                                  sure, i’ll take an uber :)

.

.

Silent sobs escaped your mouth as your phone started shaking in your trembling hands. Pieck whispered apologies and you wanted nothing more than to tell her to shut up, that it wasn’t her fault, that she wasn’t the one that swore she wanted to marry you and then went to fuck someone else at a party, not caring if he was seen or not.

But it wasn’t true. Zeke said it was just a ruse, that Yelena just wanted to hide her queerness, that they were just good friends. He said so. Pieck had to be lying, she had to be. She was just messing with you, lying to see how much you could believe her. Because Zeke wouldn’t do that, you were the one he trusted, you were the one he was going to marry, you—

Pieck was still holding her phone in front of you.

With the very same date.

And Yelena admitting her crime.

But it couldn't be right. There had to be a mistake because Zeke loved you. He loved you and he had told you about his family, he had taken you to meet his grandparents, he promised he hadn’t kissed Yelena that night, he—

Had he not kissed her?

Was it only a movie night?

…

No, it hadn’t.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Pieck’s voice sounded far, your lips parted as you tried to gasp for air. You lifted your head and saw her lips moving but you couldn’t hear any sound but your heart beating out of your chest. Tingles started creeping on your fingers and without you being able to do anything to prevent it, you dropped your phone on the bathroom floor.

Why didn’t it make a sound?

Why were your fingers numb?

You lifted your head and Pieck was gone. Dismissing her sudden disappearance, you crouched down and picked your phone. You winced at the huge crack on your screen and slid your finger several times over it until you could press on Zeke’s contact and call him.

As his phone rang, you pressed your back on the wall, slowly sinking until you were sitting on the floor.

“Baby, I told you I was studying for this test, I can’t—”

“I know about you and Yelena,” you said in a broken voice. You heard him let out an annoyed sigh on the other line.

“Didn’t we talk about this already? I told you she’s not—”

“I know about the party. The day we played baseball and— that same night you went to a party and fucked her,” you sobbed. You wiped the tears on your face with the back of your hand. “Zeke, tell me it’s a lie, tell me you didn’t do this, please,  please  tell me you didn’t really fuck Yelena,” you begged. “Please.”

“You know what? Get some help. Like, psychological help. This isn’t normal.”

The silence after Zeke hung up choked you. Your chest rose up and down as you sobbed uncontrollably. Your brain was screaming. Loudly. ‘Make it stop,’ you told yourself. ‘Get it together. Make it stop.’

Make it stop.

                         Make it stop.

                                                 Make it stop.

                                                                         Make it stop.

                                                                                                 Make it stop.

 It’s a lie.

                                                                                                  Make it stop.

He lied to you.

                                                                                                              Stop.

He fucked her.

                                                                                                 Please, stop.

He lied.

                                                                                              I can’t breathe.

.

.

                                             Inhale.

                                                                            Exhale.

                                            Inhale.

                                                                            Exhale.

                                            Inhale.

                                                            Inhale. 

                                                            Inhale. 

                                                            Inhale.

.

.

…

When you woke up, Porco was there.

Your head felt heavy as you tried to sit up, rubbing your eyes. A quick look around let you know you were in your apartment but you weren’t sure as to  how , or why your friend was there, his phone on his lap and his eyes looking at you filled with worry.

He whispered your name as if his voice could hurt you. “How are you feeling?”

“What are you doing here?” you asked groggily. You noticed your throat was hurting as well. “What hour is it?” you mumbled as you palmed your jean pockets looking for your phone. You found it hidden between two pillows and pressed the power button, trying to see if you had any unread messages.

None.

“Pieck called me,” Porco explained. “And it’s eight and a half.”

Pieck. Pieck with her friends in the bathroom, Pieck with the text messages. Everything came back to you in a second and you couldn’t help but wince at the way your head hurt.

“How are you feeling?” he insisted. You took a deep breath. The small movement made you realize how much the muscles of your back were hurting along with your arms. You licked your lips, hating how dry they felt against your tongue.

“I broke my phone.”

Porco furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“I— I dropped it. There’s a crack on the screen.”

He nodded slowly and looked down at his shoes, his forearms resting on his knees. You could almost listen to his loud thoughts, one coming after another inside his head. Porco sighed and turned his head back to you.

“Want me to get it fixed? Marcel knows a guy, I’m sure he can get it done by tomorrow.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s working just fine,” you said, passing your thumb over the crack. “No need to change it.”

Porco watched your eyes get lost on the dark screen and tightened his lips. He had the urge to throw your phone out of your window, make you understand you had to leave it, that it wasn’t good for you, that you didn’t need it, that you didn’t need  him —

Instead, he nodded.

“What happened?” you asked.

Porco paused, deliberating his words before speaking. “Pieck called and told me what you guys talked about and that… you didn’t take it well. She said you were crying and— that you had a panic attack, so she left the bathroom to look for help. She found Armin and he was the one that helped you regain your breath. Once you settle down, he called Annie to tell her what happened and she picked you up. When I got here you were already asleep on the couch, Annie said it was okay if I waited here.”

“I… don’t remember much,” you confessed with a grimace. “I don’t remember Armin helping me out. I— I do remember what Pieck and I talked about, though. Wish I could forget it instead,” you snorted. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

You shook your head.  Ouch . Why did every muscle of your body hurt so much?

“Wanna watch some shitty reality TV?” he offered. He didn’t miss the way a small smile appeared on your face.

In a matter of minutes, Porco had gone into your room and brought your laptop, and started looking for the show on Netflix. He put your laptop on his thighs and let you crawl by his side, your head resting against his shoulder.

“Wish they had Ink Master,” you sighed, as the intro of Netflix’s newest reality show played on your screen.

“We both know Netflix doesn’t have good shows.”

You snorted. “Black Mirror is good.”

“And yet we’re watching The Circle,” Porco teased you.

“Weren’t you the one that binged Season 1 on one night and then asked me to do the same so you could rant?” you reminded him with a playful tone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied nonchalantly, making you chuckle.

What followed next was a comfortable silence. One episode went by and Porco made no attempts to stop it from automatically playing the second episode. You snuggled closer, the fabric of his green jacket feeling nice against your cheek. How long had it been since you felt so much peace with someone else by your side?

In any other situation, you would be commenting on it, pressing pause just to bitch and rant about the contestants or make quick runs to the kitchen. But Porco was sitting still, his eyes fixed on the screen and his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was trying to comfort you the best way he could, knowing any words would fail, he aimed to create a safe space for you and not force you to behave normally when you both knew better than to completely ignore what had happened earlier.

Right. Zeke.

You felt your eyes watering and bit the inside of your cheek to prevent them from falling down. Focusing on your breath, you inhaled and exhaled rhythmically until the knot in your throat seemed to loosen up. Your feelings towards Zeke were confusing, a part of you wanting to run, look for him and demand an explanation. Another part of you wanted to face with, punch his stupid little face until you got tired and leave him on the floor. And another, maybe a bigger part of you wanted him to cradle you in his strong arms, kiss your temple and scratch your skin with his beard as he whispered sweet nothings to you.

You swallowed. Maybe Zeke was right. Maybe you did need psychological help.

Could you trust his words if he were to provide another explanation? Could you ever trust in him again? Most of all, could you trust yourself? Many voices had different opinions inside your head, yet they all agreed on something.

You were miserable.

“Every time I’m not with him, I’m anxious,” you mumbled, the words leaving your mouth before you thought them over. Porco moved his hand to pause the show, but you gestured to him not to. “And when he’s with me…” you continued, “I feel like I’m drowning.”

Your voice cracked at the end. Porco’s hand twitched, not sure what to do next. Should he hold you, put an arm around your shoulder to comfort you? Should he not move a muscle until you were done? Should he offer a word of comfort? He turned his head to you and noticed tears were silently streaming down your face.

“If Zeke was in front of me right now and told me Pieck lied her ass off, even after all the proof she showed me today… I would believe him. I would,” you sobbed. “And I hate myself so much for it. I’m so tired of this, I’m so tired of loving him, Pock.”

Porco’s hand cupped your head, his fingers gently caressing your hair. You snuggled closer to him, his perfume soothing the pain inside your heart and his gentle gesture comforting you. That was the magic Porco had. You knew he wasn’t always good with his words and most of the time he preferred to show rather than tell and boy, did he do a spectacular good job at showing you how much he cared.

He was there. Even after you had been ignoring him for over two weeks, he was here with his green jacket and his earthy-scented perfume ready to hold you if you needed him. And you did. You could never think of a moment where you wouldn’t want him to be there with you. 

You wiped your face with the back of your hand and reluctantly pulled away from his touch, turning on your seat so you were facing him. You paused your show and put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Thank you,” you said, biting down your bottom lip. “For being here and waiting until I woke up. I— I’ve been such a bad friend to you,” you sighed. “I’m so sorry, I just—”

Porco shook his head. “No. I’m sorry for what I said the night I stayed here.”

“No, you don’t need to— I mean— I wasn’t mad about it,” you fumbled with your words, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“I don’t know,” Porco shrugged. “Felt like I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” you assured him. “Thank you for staying with me that night. I really didn’t want to be alone.”

“I just— Can I say something else? Promise this is the last time I talk about it.” You nodded. “I didn’t love you the first time I met you,” he blurted, shrugging. “I mean, it’s not like I saw you and caught feelings— first time I saw you you were drunk off your ass at Reiner’s party. I was your friend first. Still am, nothing will change that. And honestly? I wouldn’t be surprised if my feelings went away,” he chuckled. “Who knows. Might finally meet someone else and fall for them.”

“Yeah, maybe you’ll meet someone,” you agreed with a strained smile.

“Whatever happens, know that before anything else, I’m your friend,” Porco said, golden eyes setting on yours. “And that will never change. You’re stuck with me.”

“And you’re stuck with me.”

“See any other reason why I’m watching a shitty reality show on a Tuesday night?”

At this, you hit Porco with one of the pillows, square on his face. You couldn’t help but laugh at his stunned face.

“You’re  so  fucked,” he said, putting the laptop on the coffee table in front of him.

You took this as a sign to run, the ache in your muscles forgotten at the back of your head as you tried to dodge the pillows Porco was throwing at you. Your legs weren’t weak anymore, as you quickly jumped to avoid the furniture and picked up one of the pillows to throw it back at him. Your heart was no longer aching, but jumping as you cackled when Porco tripped and fell. Even if your eyes were watering again, this time was due to the excessive laughter. And yes, your breath was hitching but it was thanks to Porco chasing you around the living room.

You let yourself fall on the floor next to Porco, the coldness of the floor soothing your skin as he dramatically held his knee against his chest like an injured soccer player. You turned your head to him, smiling at his antics as he filled your heart with happiness once  more.

Maybe that had been his power all along.

[maybeacrowdedmind]

So I Just Finished Skam...

First of all, I loved it. It was an incredible show and I'm so glad that there are so many remakes because I enjoyed it so much. One of my favorite things about the show was the fact that it feels extremely realistic, and I think a lot of that is due to the fact that a majority of the actors were actual teenagers (rather than actors who are obviously in their mid 20s and playing characters who are 16) and the fact that the characters behaved like actual teenagers (like using Facebook and Instagram, using "bad" language, dancing and singing along to music, etc. etc.). The other thing I adored about this show was the amount of importance that was placed on friendship. Platonic relationships in fiction are normally vastly underrated or underdeveloped in favor of romantic ones, so I appreciated that Skam showed so many friendships. So I decided to make a list of my favorite friendship moments from each season (two moments per season, with honorable mentions at the end before moving on).

Season 1:

1) Noora cheering up Eva by singing Justin Bieber to her:

I am not a fan of Justin Bieber at all (if you like him, all the more power to you, but I personally can't stand him), but Noora singing to Eva was such a great moment. She knew how sad Eva was, and decided to cheer her up by sharing something that made her (Noora) happy, and it was a really sweet moment between friends. It was also something that is realistic to do when someone you care about is down, and even though it was a small scene, it showed how strong a friendship Noora and Eva have.

2) All of the bonding moments between Sana, Vilde, Eva, Noora, and Chris:

I know this is a vague one, but just the sheer amount of time the girls spend together, whether they are doing something important or just hanging out was really awesome to see. Most of the time, tv shows don't take time to show us little moments like characters talking about boys or just sitting hanging out unless it has a more dramatc purpose. With Skam, we got to see those moments, which made the friendship between the girls that much more realistic.

Honorable Mentions for Season 1:

Eva grabbing the wrong Chris for Vilde, leading both Chris and Penetrator Chris (love that nearly everyone calls him that in the show by the way) to share a huge hug and go "name twins!" because that's totally something I'd do if I met someone who shared my name.

Eva and Ingrid finally talking about everything that happened, giving them both closure and the ability to move on, even if their friendship would never be the same (this was such a great scene because it showed Eva apologizing and telling Ingrid that she couldn't change what she did, but she would if she could, and it also allowed Ingrid to be hurt by what happened with Jonas, because let's face it, Ingrid was the injured party in that particular situation).

Season 2:

1) Noora telling Vilde all of the important things that the ingredients for tortilla do for you, and Vilde later doing the same for Noora:

I love how all of the girls take care of one another, but this scene in particular I loved a lot. Noora has noticed that Vilde hasn't been eating, and after hearing Vilde tell her all the reasons she doesn't like potatoes, Noora tells Vilde all the reasons she should. Noora also does so in a way that isn't shaming Vilde or being condescending to her, rather, Noora brings it up in a casual conversation. Later, Vilde notices Noora not eating, and prepares tortilla for her, quoting what Noora told her about potatoes and eating it with her. I loved this scene because it showed how much Noora and Vilde understood one another, as well as the importance of support.

2) The amount of support given to Noora by the girls after she discloses what happened with Nico:

This one is a total no-brainer. Noora had no idea what had happened that night, and had very little to go off of, and she spent the next few episodes terrified. When she tells the girls what she thinks might have happened, they all immediately stop what they're doing and rally around her. The no-dialogue scene in which they take Noora to the doctor and hold her and keep her safe was incredibly touching, and to be honest, nearly made me tear up.

Honorable Mentions for Season 2:

Sana and Chris playing a joke on the girls at the cabin during their break, because that whole episode was hilarious, and the individual ways each girl reacted was totally in character for each of them.

All of the girls telling Noora that they knew about her and William, because it was the most obvious thing in the world, and Noora being sheepish and surprised that she hadn't been hiding it as well as she thought.

Season 3:

1) Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi telling Isak what to text Even:

This scene was so funny, and not the type I usually get to see when it comes to male friendships. I love that Isak tells them that he has no idea how to reply to Even, and Jonas tells him what he should say, with Magnus and Mahdi inserting their opinions and talking about how they text girls. It was enjoyable to watch because too many times fiction shows us that boys don't have the same relationship confusion that girls do, and it's often not true. I like that this scene allowed the boys to just be boys, because everybody deals with uncertainty, especially when it comes to liking someone.

2) Linn and Even playing video games together:

I know this scene is literally like two seconds and that we only see them ending from Isak's perspective, but hear me out. I'm pretty sure this is the first scene we see that shows Linn actively smiling and looking happy. Also, Even had just come off of a manic episode, was feeling depressed, and when we see him playing video games with Linn, he too looks actually happy, which is always great to see. Plus, the way Linn and Even are interacting with one another, it looks like they've known each other forever rather than two people who have just met, and even though it was a fraction of a scene, it was super great to watch.

Honorable Mentions for Season 3:

The entire development of Sana and Isak's friendship (I almost broke my "only two friendship moments" per season rule for this, but I decided to stick to my guns). Isak and Sana have a great friendship and I love how it came out of nowhere. Their friendship is literally started by being partnered together for school, which only happened because Sana sat by Isak to tell him that she had the weed he hid (a beautiful start to a beautiful friendship).

Isak coming out to Jonas by telling him that he liked someone and giving him the hint that it wasn't a girl, and Jonas reacting by thinking about the hint for a minute and then going "it's not me...is it?" because the expression Jonas had on his face while he thought about who it could be was funny because it looked like the fact that Isak had just come out to him wasn't even on his radar, because he was more concerned about guessing right, and the fact that he guessed himself was humorous to me.

Season 4:

1) Chris being a total ride-or-die friend to Sana after the stuff regarding the hate accounts for Sara and Vilde came out:

Everybody needs a friend like Chris. She is without a doubt one of the most loyal tv show characters I've seen and I wish Skam had run for more seasons so we could get a Chris season (and a Vilde season and an Even season, and a spin-off for Eskild and Linn, who both totally deserve one). Chris is the first person Sana told about the Sara account, and the first thing she did was tell Sana that the hate would blow over if Eva found out the truth (because Eva and everybody else thought Isak was responsible for it, and Eva was pissed AF at him). Chris also made sure that Sana knew that she didn't hate her for what happened, because everybody screwed up (seriously, we all need a friend like Chris).

2) The girls showing up to the bus meeting in their own tiny bus named "Los Losers" for Sana, effectively showing all of the Pepsi-Max girls (like Penetrator Chris, that will forever be their name) that if you mess with one of them, you mess with all of them. Sana was terrified that the girls would never forgive her, and when they all show up in the bus screaming her name, the joy on Sana's face is practically tangible. I love that they all pull Sana into the bus and give the Pepsi-Max girls the finger as they drive off, because really, what better way to show the true bonds of friendship than by collectively flipping off a ton of girls who messed with one of their own.

Honorable Mentions for Season 4:

Sana and Even's friendship, and the fact that she protected and respected his privacy when Isak asked her why she never said that she already knew Even, because too many times do I see characters give away information to other people that isn't theirs to give, and the fact that it didn't matter to Sana that Isak and Even were together, she was still going to make sure that Even had a right to the details of his personal life was extremely important.

The conversation between Sana and Jamilla about their schooling and Islam, because the texts we see between them prior to their falling out show that they were very close, and it was nice to see them talk and reconcile, because that's how life works sometimes. You fight and fall out with people, and after time passes, sometimes there is reconciliation.

[fruitcoops]

Omg can you write about coops going live on instagram and answering TONS of fans questions? And just being domestic and cute together in general

I can, yes! This is partially the 450 celebration--to the lovely person who suggested writing a sequel to one of my favorites, please know that I love and appreciate you! Coop credit goes to @lumosinlove

Check out Part 1 here

“Is it working? I think it’s working.” An explosion of hearts covered the screen and Remus’ eyebrows rose. “Yep, definitely working. Hello, Instagram! I’m Remus Lupin, winger for the Lions.”

“And I’m Sirius Black, center and team captain.” Sirius waved at the phone. “We had a great time answering your questions last month and we figured we’d come back to do it again, since there were so many people we couldn’t get around to in those few minutes.”

“I can already see a bunch coming in. Should we start?” Remus asked, turning to him with a small smile.

“You go first.”

“Alright, first question….” He squinted at the screen. “How long have we been together? We’ve been dating for just over a year now, but we’ve known each other for three-ish.”

Sirius snorted when he read the next question. “What do we do in our free time? It’s cute that you think we have free time. Um, we read a lot. Sometimes I’ll play video games with the guys.”

“If we have a free weekend, we’ll go hiking or take a short road trip. Practice takes up four or five hours a day, so we’re very low-key, which I think surprises people.” Remus scrolled down a bit. “What are our favorite foods?”

“Don’t say it.” Sirius said immediately. “Don’t you dare.”

“Fine, fine.” Just as Sirius began to answer, he coughed, “pineapple pizza.”

“No!” Sirius smacked Remus on the arm with a pillow as he laughed. “Menace. My favorite food is pasta, because it’s versatile and I’m not a heathen. All of you who are agreeing with him, stop it right now. I’m very disappointed in your tastebuds. Next question…do either of us cook? We do, yeah.”

Remus gave him a look. “Do you, though?”

“That’s a funny thing to hear coming from the man who said he’d die for one of my grilled cheeses yesterday,” Sirius countered.

“Fair point. Yes, we both cook, but I generally do it more often because I enjoy it.”

Sirius looked back at the camera with sad eyes. “He kicked me out of the kitchen last week.”

“You kept stealing bites of soup!” Remus laughed. “It wasn’t even done, you could have gotten salmonella!”

“You can’t get salmonella from soup,” Sirius scoffed. The comment section went wild. “…apparently you can. Huh.”

“Next question, before we get too off-track. Who is the more dramatic one?” Remus folded his hands and rested his chin on top. “I’m giving you three guesses and the first two don’t count.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’re plenty dramatic.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

“Moving on! Oooo, this one is for me specifically.” He shifted closer, wrapping an arm around Remus’ waist as he read. “Sirius: does Regulus—you spelled that wrong by the way, there’s only one ‘g’—does Regulus still live with you? If yes, how does that work?”

“I’m telling him someone spelled his name wrong,” Remus said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “He’ll get a kick out of it.”

“He’ll be so pissed,” Sirius agreed. “Nope, Reg moved out a few months ago and now lives with Pascal Dumais, but it was really neat to have him around. He’s still got a room here and it was nice spending so much time with him after we didn’t talk for a while. He’s awful about vacuuming, though.”

“Aw, people think that’s cute.” Remus smiled as he read the responses. “Ohoho, people are getting nosy. What do we argue about the most?”

“I’m not sure, actually. Maybe chores?”

“I was going to say practice time. We’ve gotten into a couple tiffs about watching tape or running drills after we get home.”

“That’s true.” Sirius frowned at the screen. “For those of you who apparently think that’s all one-sided: it’s really not.”

“He came downstairs to get me at ten or eleven at night the other day. We’re both hockey nerds, so it happens from time to time.”

“Are we going to keep doing tiktoks? Oh, for sure, they’re a ton of fun.”

“Absolutely. Where else am I going to get the inspiration to glue things shut just to irritate him?”

Sirius shook his head with a smile. “Diablotin.”

“Nothing like being called a gremlin by your fiancé,” Remus laughed, tapping the screen. “Okay…who’s the best in bed?”

“I’d say we both sleep really well,” Sirius said. “You talk sometimes, which is really funny.”

Remus glanced over. “Do I really?”

“Yep. I think you were grocery shopping the other night. You kept saying orange juice very adamantly.”

“Interesting. I agree, though, we both value sleep.”

“There are too many questions!” Sirius scooted forward and sifted through them. “To jay-mac 2001, we both love kids and might have some in a few years. No, mermaid queen, we don’t really have friends outside of hockey because we don’t have lives outside of hockey—” Remus leaned his forehead on Sirius’ shoulder as he laughed. “—but I’m sure that will change someday. Oh, here’s a fun one: what are our love languages?”

“Our what?”

“Love languages. Like the Buzzfeed quiz Pots made us take last week.” The screen lit up and Sirius looked offended. “Of course we know what Buzzfeed is! We’re 25, you fuckers!”

“I think mine was quality time.”

Sirius pulled Remus’ arm further around his shoulders and leaned into his side with a smile. “It’s physical affection,” he singsonged, making him laugh. “Your turn.”

“Have you finally found your song?” Remus read aloud. “I think so! We did an interview a while back and there was a question about our ‘couple song’, which we didn’t have at the time.”

“That didn’t answer the question, sweetheart.”

“Oh! Shit, sorry. It’s La Vie En Rose by Edith Piaf.”

Sirius read the next question and snorted. “This is convenient. Who swears more?”

Remus looked away. “It’s, uh, a tie.”

“That’s such a lie.”

He sighed. “It’s probably me.”

“You taught a literal baby to swear.” Sirius turned back to the camera with a wicked grin. “Harry’s first word was ‘Loops’, but his second was ‘shit’ and there’s an eighty percent chance he learned it from Re.”

“Changing the subject!” Remus cleared his throat, then smiled. “Aw, I like this one. What’s the compliment you get most often from your partner?”

“Does it have to be verbal?”

“Sirius.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “Not like that! Oh, fuck, I did not mean that! You always touch my hair, so I figured that was a compliment. Merde.”

Remus shook his head. “We need a supervisor again. Anyways, you talk about my freckles all the time and it’s adorable.”

“You’re adorable.”

“Sap.”

“Yeah.” Sirius kissed his cheek. “What’s the best date I’ve ever been on? We went ice skating at the local rink a few weeks ago and it was so much fun. I had never done that before.”

Remus’ eyebrows rose. “I thought for sure you would say the aquarium.”

“The aqu—oh, right! With the jellyfish arch!”

“Yeah!”

“Now it’s a tie, I can’t decide.”

“That’s fair. From spaceman93: who tops? We actually don’t have a bunk bed, though that would be cool as hell! Do you think Ikea sells them?”

“We should check.”

The screen exploded into activity again and Remus did a double-take. “Yes, we do buy our furniture from Ikea, there’s no need to sound so shocked. This person—I can’t read your username, sorry—wants to know which of us is more cuddly.”

“Definitely me,” Sirius said.

“For sure. I like cuddling people, but only a select few. I mean, I’m assuming you guys saw the Cap cuddles slideshow at our last game.” He laughed when Sirius turned pink. “Why are you embarrassed? It was cute!”

“There’s a hashtag now!” Sirius complained. “I have a reputation.” Remus rolled his eyes fondly as Sirius looked for the next question. “Ha! Do we ever get jealous?”

“Yes, but not for the reasons people might think.”

Sirius laughed quietly. “We went out to a bar for Kasey’s birthday a month or so ago—”

“Oh, please no.”

“—and a young lady was hitting on me, not taking the hint—”

“Jesus.”

“—so Re comes out of nowhere and kisses me full on the mouth in front of everyone.” He snickered and Remus hid his face in his hands. “It was kinda hot, not gonna lie. Really funny looking back, though. Your turn, sweetheart.”

“Who is clumsier? Ooh, we’re both disasters off the ice. I tripped over the carpet about twenty minutes ago.”

“I’ve run into every doorframe in this house at least twice.” Sirius grimaced. “If I could just tape my skates to my feet and always be on ice, that would be much safer.”

Remus cocked his head to the side. “I dunno, it would be hard to sleep in them.”

“I do that all that time.”

“That’s true, you take a nap in the hall at least once a week in full gear.”

“Reverse Edward Scissorhands.” They had to take a moment to stop laughing before Sirius turned back to the phone. “Mon dieu. Alright, what do we have next…when did you know I was ‘the one’? When did you know, mon amour?”

“Breaking out the nicknames, very snazzy,” Remus teased as he rested his chin on his hand. “I think it was just an accumulation of things, and then one day I went ‘oh shit’ and just knew. Sometime around New Year’s, maybe?”

“You only made it two months?” Sirius teased, nudging him lightly.

“Shush, you.” Remus nudged him back. “I knew I wanted to propose when I came home from hanging out with Leo and you were napping with the dog. You had done the dishes and left Avatar on so we could watch it together, and I opened the door and knew that I wanted that moment forever.”

Sirius smile was unbearably soft, and he kissed Remus on the cheek as hearts filled the comments section. “I’ve never seen so many keysmashes in my life,” he laughed when he looked back to it. “Hey, someone addressed one to you specifically.”

“Really?” He leaned forward eagerly. “To Remus, do you feel like part of the team yet? I do, a hundred percent! It helped that I was close with a lot of the guys from being the PT, so those friendships carried over really well. Being a player on the roster has only made that better and it’s the best job in the world.”

“Who has the better smile? We’re going to say each other, so I think we’ll leave that one to the comments—fuck, that was a bad idea, it’s moving too fast for me to read!” Sirius tapped the screen desperately, then gave up and waited for the scrolling to slow down. “Ask each other one question you’ve always wanted to know the answer to.”

“Do you actually want to get your ears pierced?” Remus asked. “You talked about it a while ago but I wasn’t sure if you were kidding.”

Sirius thought for a minute, biting his lip. “Y’know, I might. It was one of those things where it started as a joke and then I kept thinking about it. I’m not sure, hockey’s not the best sport to have things that can catch and tear.” They both winced at the idea. “My turn. What is it about pineapple pizza that you actually enjoy?”

“It annoys you.” Remus laughed as Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! I honestly don’t know why I like it so much. There’s something about the sweetness that goes so well with the regular pizza taste. Okay, last question for me: how many freckles do I have? Not many right now.”

“So many in the summer,” Sirius said dreamily. “That’s the best part of summertime and the only reason I like Florida. They might have bouncy ice, but it’s worth it to see the freckles pop.”

“Whew, Florida’s getting mad in the comments!” Remus grinned. “Get some real ice, then come talk to us.”

“Final question, then we really have to go. What does your partner look best in?” Sirius drummed his fingers on his knees. “His jersey. Or my jersey. He does own a pair of skinny jeans, though, and that was the closest thing to a religious experience I’ve ever had.”

“They’re comfortable.” Remus shrugged, but he looked rather self-satisfied. “That’s all we have time for, folks, but thanks for joining us!”

“Go Lions!”

[rachaelswrites]

Nicknames

A/N: I didn’t include all actors/characters but if you want one just send it in and I’ll do it. I’ll start including these in my writing

~~~~~~

Here are some nicknames that each of the reader’s have been given

Sebastian Stan “prinţesă”

-Obviously, its Romanian

-There were a few he tried out with you when you were younger but this one stuck for multiple reasons:

-You were a major daddy’s girl (still are) and you pretty much got anything you wanted. You were almost on the verge of spoiled brat

-It also didn’t help that you had a very huge liking for Disney and it’s princesses

-Those dresses with the matching shoes? You had almost all of them

-He called you that until you grew out of your princess obsession, saving it for certain times

-The first time you ended a long term friendship was the first time he used it in years. He’d either call you by your name or something more generic like “Sweetheart”

-You came home visibly upset and ran right into your dad’s arms

-You’d never been this upset before so he said it, hoping in some way it would calm you down

“It’s alright Prinţesă, I’ve got you”

-When it worked that time, he did it again after your first break up.

-You were more angry than sad this time

-He had to hold you down on the couch so you couldn’t hurt anyone

“Prinţesă, calm down. He’s not worth a criminal record

-He used it on days when you were sick or were feeling down

-Maybe even if you were in trouble

-You and him both thought by the age of sixteen, you would hate the nickname but surprisingly, you liked it even more

Chris Evans “peanut”

-Another case of daddy’s girl

-This one comes from several trips to Red Sox’s games

-Chris wanted to get you into sports when you were young (just to watch, not necessarily to play)

-He took you and Scott to one of the first games of the season and he bought peanuts, in his true American way

-You were seated in between him and Scott

-Both of them were sharing the bag while you had ice cream

-Peanuts were a new food for you and you wanted to try them. You grabbed a handful of them and copied your dad’s movements to crack open the shells

-You ate like twenty in less than a minute

-You loved them so much and that’s how that name happened

-Unlike the others, Chris uses this name pretty regularly 

-You didn’t mind how often he used it until he started using it on front of your friends

“Hey peanut, do you guys need anything?”

“Dad! That’s embarrassing”

-Your face went bright red and for the rest of the day, your friends teased you (in a loving, joking way)

-Chris realized his small mistake and was a little more careful about when he used it

-Scott called you it once and you swear, you never saw your dad move so quickly

“She’s my peanut, not yours. Find your own nickname”

-Anytime he posts a picture of you on Twitter/Instagram, he used that name instead of your own

Matthew Gray Gubler “munchkin”

-Three words

-Wizard. Of. Oz.

-You had a very weird obsession with this movie. It’s almost embarrassing looking back at it now

-By the time you were three, you knew all the words (as best as you could) to all the songs

-Matthew was about to lose his mind because he had the songs in his head as well, twenty-four-seven.

-You would talk and talk about how much you wanted to go to Munchkin land and be a Munchkin

-It also didn’t help that at the time, you were probably close to the same height

-Sadly, as you got older, you and your dad learned you didn’t develop his height

-You were a whopping 5’2 at the age of fifteen

-And the name stuck

-He knew you weren’t super fond of the name but somehow, it always cheered you up

-If you had a tough day at school, he’d sit on the couch and let you vent

“Let it all out Munchkin”

-You secretly did like the name (even though the origins were embarrassing)

-Matthew never let you live down that obsession 

-When you were on set and he called you that, everyone asked why.

“Matthew, why do you call her Munchkin?”

“Dad, don’t do it”

“She was obsessed with The Wizard of Oz”

-He also very rarely referred to you as “Y/n” on social media, opting for Munchkin instead

-Trying to get back at him, you tried to come up with some ridiculous name for him

“I’m going to call you dancer. Cause that’s how you broke your knee”

-That one didn’t last long but Munchkin sure did

Tom Holland “bubs or darling”

-Tom gets two because I can’t pick

-Bubs is because you are the baby out of all of the brothers

-It was also because before you could say any brother’s name, you just called them bubs

-Sam, Harry, and Paddy also called you Bubs. They still call you that sometimes so Tom wanted to try something new

-When you were about five or six, he accidentally called you darling

-It wasn’t a typical brother/sister name but it suited you

-You were such a kind person and your favorite movie to watch with Tom was Peter Pan

-And the last name of Wendy was Darling, so he thought it fitted

-When he called you darling, it was mostly after he came home from filming

“I missed you so much Darling”

-You liked the meaning behind your nickname

-Tom used Bubs if you weren’t feeling like yourself

-Whether it was a bad day or if you were sick

“Take some medicine Bubs” or “Bubs, tell me what’s going on”

-He hated the others calling him Tommy but for you, he’d let you do it anytime you wanted

-Literally, you were the only person he let you call him Tommy

-But he was the only person who could call you Darling

Bucky Barnes “doll”

-Classic

-This one is pretty self explanatory

-It was common during your childhood but once you were in the 21st century, Bucky couldn’t part with it

-It reminded him of the past (in a good way) and he always wanted to relive those memories 

-You were eight when HYDRA took him and then you

-The name reminded him of when you were little, and it reminded you too

-While Bucky was in Wakanda, he’d send you letters once he woke up

“Hey Doll, I miss you so much. Hopefully we can see each other soon”

-You kept them all with you

-And when The Snap happened, you’d read those letters back to yourself everyday

“The sunset was really pretty today Doll, it reminded me of the ones from when you were little”

-After those five years, that was the first thing he said to you

“I’m glad you’re safe Doll”

-It only took one time for Sam to tease you about it before you threatened to hurt him

“You make fun of it one more time and I swear it’ll be the last”

-Sam didn’t really understand why that name meant so much to you

-Bucky had to explain it to him

-It was really one of the only things you had left of your childhood

-And it was the one thing you could hold onto for the rest of your life

Ransom Drysdale “princess”

-Again, I think this one is self explanatory and obvious

-You’re spoiled, no doubt about it

-The name actually came from Meg

-She was a few years older than you and she was so used to being the only girl in the family

-And now she had to deal with you

-The reason she called you that was pretty stupid in the first place but as an eight year old, it didn’t matter to her

-You had spilled your drink on her by accident and onto her new shoes

-She went red in the face and started screaming in your face. You burst into tears

-You were only four and Ransom had never raised his voice at you. It was a new experience for you

-All the adults came into the room and walked into the scene of Meg screaming and you crying

-Ransom scooped you up and told Meg off

-Of course Joni took her daughter’s side but no one else did, making her mad

“She never gets in trouble. She’s such a princess”

-After that incident, your dad only used that name just to piss everyone off

-Like there was no need for him to but he just did it

“Princess, come here”

-In general, Ransom liked to show you off and the nickname Princess was the best way to do that

-As you got older, he felt weird using it. Meg had finally gotten over herself and everyone accepted the fact that your dad was spoiling you rotten

-You didn’t need a name to show that

-But as you got older, the issues in the family and all the problems started to weigh down on you

-There was so much drama that happened at family dinners, you were completely drained and exhausted once you got home

-Ransom could tell something was up so he reached into his bag of good parenting skills (which he definitely had, which shocked everyone) and called you Princess for the first time in ten years

“Princess, please tell me what’s wrong”

-For some reason, that one name made everything better for you

-Ransom noticed the small improvement in your mood so he kept calling you that on the daily

“How was school today Princess?” 

-And in front of the family again

“Princess, it’s time to go”

-This name was literally just used to show the other Thrombey’s that you and your dad were better than them

-Of course though, you didn’t need a nickname to see that

Spencer Reid “squirt”

-Another name based on an obsession

-But this one can be blamed on Garcia

-While Spencer was on a case one time, she was in charge of watching you

-To keep you entertained while at the BAU, she put on Finding Nemo

-That was a mistake

-From that point on, you had a weird fascination with sea turtles, because of Squirt

-Once Spencer got back, you would not shut up about turtles

“Daddy, look what I just read”

-He was glad you found something you were interested in. He sort of hoped you would find something closer to a more “normal” topic but he would never stop you from learning

-Spencer wasn’t sure how the name fell onto you but once it did, he didn’t stop using it

-He generally used it in the apartment with just you and him

“Squirt, can you pick your toys up for me?” or as you were older “Squirt, can you grab those books for me?”

-He used it a lot when you felt stressed and you weren’t telling him

-So whenever he called you that, you knew you might as well tell him

“Tell me what’s going on Squirt”

-It was such a small gesture but it really did help you

-He tried to explain why it probably made you feel better but you weren’t too interested in the science behind it

-The only time he used it in front of the team is when he got back from a case

-You always met him at the BAU (he made sure you were there to greet him)

-You would stand in front of the elevator and wait for the doors to open

-And when they did, you ran into his arms and he wrapped them around your body

“I missed you Squirt”

-The team absolutely adored that nickname but knew to never call you that, unless they wanted an angry Reid on their hands

Emily Prentiss “love”

-To me, Emily just has European vibes and so does this nickname

-Probably because Emily grew up in Europe, she developed this habit of calling you Love

-The parents of her friends growing up used that name

-She sort of just picked up on it, starting when she first held you in the hospital

“Hi Love, I’m your momma”

-It’s such a simple but meaningful name to her

-You were truly the one person she loved the most (even her mom and even Sergio)

-Speaking of, once she brought Sergio home you started calling him that as well

-You were only four and didn’t understand the concept but Emily didn’t stop you

“Hi Wove”

-Emily never used this in front of people unless something was wrong

-As you got older, it was used more as a reassurance for you

-Her “death” was really hard on you and every case, she would check in 

-Lots of the time, the phone calls were short and around the other members of the team

“Hi Love, I miss you. The team says hi”

“I miss you too momma”

-Very rarely would she use it in normal, everyday conversation

-If you were visiting the office, sometimes it would slip out

“Hey Love, are you doing your homework?”

-In front of the team, she used names like “baby” or “honey”

-Love was strictly reserved for just you and her

Jennifer Jareau “bug”

-First thing to know

-If anyone besides JJ called you Bug, even Will, she would literally rip their heads off

-This name was super personal to her and she didn’t want the meaning to be ruined

-You had taken after her love and fascination with butterflies

-Except you hadn’t learned the word butterfly so you just called them bugs, hence the nickname

-JJ only called you two things “Y/n” and “Bug”

-Nothing else

-At one point, Will was convinced that she might’ve forgotten your first name because she called you Bug so much

“JJ, she has a first name you know”

“I know, I think Bug fits her better”

-She did attempt to get your name changed, but to be fair, she was drunk when that happened

-She didn’t care that as you got older, the name was a little embarrassing, especially around your friends

“I’ll pick you up at seven Bug”

“Mom! Really? In front of my friends?”

-Your brothers for awhile thought your name was Bug, because she really only called you that at home

“Do you need help with your homework Bug?” or “Bug, can you set the table?”

-You didn’t realize the meaning behind the nickname until she explained it to you

-And once you did, the name meant so much more to you

-Will helped you pick out a matching necklace set of two butterflies

-You gave it to her after a case and she cried, knowing exactly what it’s meaning was

“Thank you Bug, I love it”

-She never took that necklace off, ever

Taglist

@ssebstann @peachyprincessss @emmy-writes-sometimes @dudele @kerrswriting @laura-naruto-fan1998 @multifamdomfan12 @aquariuslavenderhoney @rafehogwarts

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

[ayatosmlktea]

best boyfriend series | bokuto

A/N: thank you very much bri for making this banner after I gave up! We all know bokuto is the worlds best boyfriend, and if you don’t agree I hope this convinces you!

Tags: @bakugoustanaccount @hoekaashi

I got really carried away with the backstory aha oops

‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾　　☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙

- You and bokuto meet your first year of high school, you happen to get stuck together during orientation and you like his talkative extroverted nature

- You end up being in the same homeroom together while you situate yourself in a seat near the back of the class by the window bokuto makes his way over to you and sits down next to you

- You guys shared one other class, science, one of your better subjects and one of his worst, so you spend lots of time helping him understand the work

- The humour flows really well between the two of you, you enjoy his company as much as he enjoys yours and more than once you guys get called out for goofing off too much

- Lots of moments are spent where he’s making you laugh so hard you have to keep it all in and your cheeks burn from how hard you’re smiling

- You guys text each other outside of class, he asks for help doing the english homework which results in you guys calling each other and laughing over him pronouncing the vocabulary

- He finds your laugh the cutest thing he’s ever heard and goes out of his way to make you laugh ever opportunity he has

- He asks you to come to a few of his volleyball practices - to show off obviously- he lives for the praise you give him but you know this so you often tease him for his mistakes just to see him pout although you’re always sure to remind him that he’s talented

- During his games when he nails a really good spike he’ll search you out in the crowd after and seeing you cheer him on excitedly makes him feel like he could play 100 matches and not get tired

- It’s the end of his second year when bokuto begins to realize that he likes you as more than a friend, that the erratic beating of his heart is because he has feelings for you that go deeper than platonic friendship it makes him nervous

- He starts to notice the things he didn’t pay attention to before like the way you bite your bottom lip when you’re deep in concentration or the way your eyes shine when he makes you laugh

- The nervous shy smile you get when he pulls you into him so you don’t get bumped into in crowded spaces

- He’s never gotten jealous over another guy touching you before but Konoha clearly trying to flirt with you sparks something in him to make you his

-Bokuto starts to think about how his life would be if you weren’t in it and comes to the realization that you’re different from his other friends, he sees you as something more but he’s scared to ruin the relationship you have and doesn’t think you would ever think of him that way

- Spends the entire summer thinking about being in a relationship with you and there were many times he hyped himself up to text you and tell you but every time he backed out

- He doesn’t think you’re in his league, especially when you showed up on the first day of your third year looking like an absolute goddess, you guys hadn’t hung out at all that summer and he almost didn’t recognize you

- Your smile is different than before, it makes his whole body tingle with nervous excitement, its brighter like you’ve become more confident in yourself and he can see why

- He thinks you’re absolutely radiant

‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾　　☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙

- The day he asks you out comes when you’ve stayed late after school to work on a project

- You both finish at the same time, he insists on walking you home like he’s always done before

- You hadn’t planned on leaving this late and were met with a cold wind upon exiting the building

- Bokuto quickly bounded up to you offering you his volleyball jacket which you gladly took without a second thought, it was something you’d done a hundred times before but this time had Bokuto wishing that he could grab your small hand in his and pull you in for a kiss

- “Bo? You good?” you inquire waving your hand in front of his face calling his attention back to the present

- You notice that he’s fidgeting more than usual and he looks ..kinda constipated

- You were no stranger to calling Bokuto out when he started getting weird and in his head so you stopped walking and turned to face him telling him to spill whatever was on his mind

- Bokuto’s eyes widen clearly not expecting to have been called out so soon, you can see the uncharacteristic indecisiveness swimming in his eyes and it makes you start to feel uneasy

- You were expecting him to say something about not wanting to be friends anymore, you knew you had changed over the summer and maybe he didn’t like who you were now

- What you weren’t expecting was for him to practically scream a confession at you

- When he was done you both stared at each other, you not knowing what to say and in shock at the fact that the guy you’ve had a crush on for 3 years has confessed that he feels the same way you do

- Your silence is his eyes indicates rejection and he feels as though he’s been kicked in the gut but he tells you to forget what he said and shoves his hands in his sweater pockets mentally berating himself for being stupid enough to think you would like him back

- You reach out and grab his elbow stopping him from walking away, you don’t say anything and instead stand on your tiptoes to place the softest kiss on his lips

- Both of your faces heat up but neither of you move away from each other, you whisper that you like him too and have liked him for years and he can’t help but laugh in relief

- He pulls you into a hug and spins you around before holding your face in both his warm hands and kisses you again making your headspin and your heart race

- The next day all your friends are relieved when you show up to school holding hands claiming that watching the two of you pine over each other so obviously and not doing anything about it was painful

- Bokuto as your boyfriend!!!! finally

- Bokuto is your #1 hype man, for everything

- Doesn’t matter how big or small it is he’s always happy when you succeed

- Every time you post a selfie on instagram he’s always the first one to comment in all caps exclaiming how beautiful you look

- Also the kind of boyfriend to make you stop when you guys go out so he can a bunch of pictures of you, tells you to pose, tells you how pretty you look with the sun making your skin and eyes pop

- He kisses you every chance he gets, just peppers your face with kisses because his heart is overflowing with so much love for you that he doesn’t know what to do with himself other than to express it through kissing you

- Loves skin to skin contact, when you’re lying in bed together he’ll lift your shirt up and press your back against his chest with his arms cuddling your stomach

- Screenshots every snapchat you send him, even the ones you think are ugly because he thinks you always look beautiful especially when you’re being dorky

- He loves going for hikes, being the active person that he is he’d def be down for a lot of outdoor activities

- Kuroo still has the pictures on his phone from when you all went down to the lake for the weekend and Bokuto tipped your kayak over. At the time you had been anything but happy with your clothes and hair soaking wet but the memory of it now made you chuckle

- Your size difference is his favourite thing about the relationship, you’re so small you barely reach his shoulders and it makes him feel fuzzy inside knowing that only he gets to hold you close against his big beefy chest

- Insists on paying for literally e v e r y t h i n g

- It doesn't matter how much money you make, he always wants to treat you because you’re his baby, don't bother trying to fight with him bc you're going to lose

- Not only can he physically overpower you from being able to read the machine to pass your card but he’ll just pull some shit out like “can’t a guy treat his beautiful girlfriend?”

- If you mention in passing something you’ve been craving like food/candy/snacks etc he’ll go get it for you, if he notices you are looking at something you've been wanting to get yourself for a while but are hesitating bc its too expensive or you don't think you deserve it - you got it, he’s going to buy it for you

- Everyday is valentine’s day for Bokuto so there’s never a day you don’t feel loved and cherished, he buys you new flowers every week with a cute note attached saying something he loves about you

- On the actual day, he just sees it as an excuse to go all out for you, breakfast in bed, your favourite chocolates and/or candy waiting for you in the kitchen, obviously he’s gonna insist on waking you up with his favourite meal...if you know what I mean

- He insists on picking you up from work when he has the chance, especially if you’re working late

- When he has to leave early for practice he spends the few moments he has between waking up and getting dressed to cuddle you, buries his face in your neck and enjoys the sound of you snoring softly

- Always kisses you goodbye, one on your forehead and one on your lips

- Sends you a good morning text so you wake up to something happy because he knows you get sad when you wake up and he’s gone all day

- If he has to leave the city for a game or something else work related he makes sure his side of the bed smells enough like him that isnt overpowering but is enough for you to hug while he’s gone and have some comfort

- Sends you pictures everyday until he’s back and while you learn to cope with him being gone he nevers sleeps right without you

- He misses you even more than you miss him, he’s a clingy baby and needs your validation that you love him as much as he loves you

- Everyone gets insecure sometimes, including Boktuo and when he’s having one of those days all he wants to do is lie his head down on your chest while you play with hair and cuddle

- Bokuto is the kind of guy who knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life with you, I feel like depending on his mood he’s either antsy to propose or he’s not in a rush because he’s enjoying the lives you two are leading right now

- He’s had the ring he’s going to use to propose to you with for a solid year before it happens

- I also feel like he’d do some shit like pull the ring out while you’re not looking and take a picture to show you on the days leading up to the proposal

- He’ll take you to the beach to watch the sunrise with you and although you’re cranky and complaining that it’s too early to be awake you know the view will be worth it

- What you aren’t expecting is for him to get really serious as the first splashes of blue and pink hit the horizon while he talks about how he never imagined you’d become so important to his life

- He recalls the moment he fell in love with you, it wasn’t anything romantic or particularly cute and it was a little embarrassing now that you think back on it but he remembers the two of you joking around during lunch and him making you laugh so hard you snorted out milk through your nose

- He doesn’t know what it was about that moment but it had stuck with him all these years, he talks about how he wants to spend every morning waking up to you, bed head and morning breath and all

- He thanks you for being so patient with him during his time growing up in high school, he tells you he’s grateful you were there for him when he was feeling the worst about himself

- He starts to choke up as he talks about knowing that he wants the spend the rest of his life with you and that he’ll spend everyday making you the happiest woman alive and making sure you know how loved and appreciated you are

- By the end you’re both crying and when you choke out a yes he grabs you into a tight bear hug and can’t stop smiling the rest of the day

[gamergirl929]

No One Talks To You That Way (Not While I’m Around) (Carli Lloyd x Reader)

Anonymous Request:  Could you do one where T is seen as the sweetest one on the team (or let’s be real tied with christen as the sweetest) and even during many tough games she keeps her cool. Then one day someone says/tweets something about carli and she just goes off. (Cuz I will always have a soft spot for Lloyd)

“I mean, don’t you think it’s time to hang up your cleats? Give some of the newer talent time to shine? I mean we all know you’re certainly missing a step...”  

Your eyes widen, as do the remainder of your teammate’s, each and every one of them looking at the reporter who’d asked the question incredulously, his fellow reporters looking at him in the same manner.  

Carli Lloyd meanwhile is looking at the man in stunned silence, the woman trying to think of a reply to the clearly blatant jab at her, her career, and the fact that with a spot on the team she’s ‘taking’ from the younger generation.  

The remainder of your teammates are OBVIOUSLY livid, each and every one of them shouting at the reporter, but the only clear response, comes from your microphone.  

“Actually, I think I can answer that...”  

Everyone turns to you, brows furrowed.  

You were one of the sweetest members of the team, giving Christen a run for her money, Christen, who is currently looking at you with wide eyes.  

“First off, you’re a literal dumbass.” You shrug, Ashlyn snorting loudly as Megan barks out a laugh, the group of reporters surrounding the man snickering.  

“Ms. Y/L/N-

“SECOND off, how dare you.” You snarl angrily, an anger that leave your teammates taken aback.  

You move to your feet, pointing a finger at the man who shrinks under your gaze. 

“How dare you talk to someone like Carli Lloyd like that, she’s a fantastic soccer player, and no she doesn’t need to hang up her fucking cleats.” You swear, reporters on their feet, recording your current rant.  

“She’s better at this than you’ll EVER be at your job, and she’s FAR from missing a step, how dare you talk to a legend like that, how FUCKING dare you. I WILL NOT, be silent when it comes to someone I care about, and that someone is Carli Lloyd.” You roar angrily, everyone staring at you with growing eyes.  

“You’re a disgrace to your publication’s name, and this will be the LAST time you EVER comes to a conference like this, THAT is a guarantee. Carli Lloyd was and IS one of the best on the NWSL and on the USWNT, she loves this sport and this sport loves her, I love her, and if you can’t see that she's amazing you’re a moron...” You point at the reporter, who is currently red-faced.

“You sir are a fucking moron.”  

You clear your throat, slowly taking your seat, your eyes locked with the man’s wide and fearful eyes.  

“Now get the hell out of here.”  

Wordlessly, and without missing a step, the man shuffles out of the room, his head down as he avoids any and all eye contact.  

You pant heavily, angrily as you glare holes in the man’s back, that is until he moves out of sight.  

Everyone stares at you in shock and awe, Carli’s cheeks blood red as she goes over all the things you’d said to the reporter, quickly realizing that in your tirade, a few things slipped out that caught her ear.

“I WILL NOT, be silent when it comes to someone I care about.”

“Carli Lloyd was and IS one of the best on the NWSL and on the USWNT, she loves this sport and this sport loves her, I love her.”

Meanwhile you’re at the end of the table, your chest heaving as your fingers drum on the table.  

How dare he say that to her?  

Who the hell does he think he is?  

Your leg bounces up and down, pure lava running through your veins.  

You wanted more than ANYTHING to go after him and give him a piece of your mind, to tear into him like a starving animal, but there’s no way you could, you weren’t going to lose your job because of him.  

You sigh.  

You weren’t going to lose your job, but no doubt there were going to be repercussions for your outburst, but honestly, you didn’t care, you didn’t care because coming after Carli Lloyd was coming after someone you cared about, and that, that was more important than any job could be.

                                                          ***

It’s wasn’t long after that conference that your phone began to blow up, your Twitter Notifications, your Instagram Notifications, any and all social media accounts you have are currently being bombarded with comments and the like, fans commenting on your comments to the ESPN reporter about Carli Lloyd, nearly all of them praising you in your protection of the USWNT veteran.  

A NUMBER of them though, pointed something ELSE you’d said in your rant, something you’d kept bottled up inside for so long that it was just itching to get out, and it HAD just not in the way you thought it would.  

Oh my god, I KNEW THEY WERE MORE THAN FRIENDS!

SHE SAID IT GUYS. SHE SAID SHE LOVES HER!

Anyone could see that what you felt for Carli Lloyd was more than friendship, it went WAY beyond that, it always had.  

You and Carli Lloyd were close, closer than close, no matter what, she was there for you and you were there for her, and you would be, no matter what.  

You prop your elbows up on your knees, your chin resting on your fisted hands.  

You planned to keep those feelings buried inside, planned to ignore them altogether, but now?  

Now you couldn’t do that.  

Just as the thought leaves your mind, there’s a knock at your hotel room’s door, your heart stilling in your chest at the prospect of who it might be.  

                                                          ***

Carli Lloyd looks down at her phone with a small smile, her cheeks flushed pink. 

SHE SAID IT GUYS. SHE SAID SHE LOVES HER!

The second the words left your mouth Carli’s heart skipped a beat, the butterflies in her stomach erupting as if someone had sprinted through an empty field full of them, sending them skittering off into the wind.  

The rest of your rant fell on deaf ears, the USWNT veteran staring at you in utter shock, not because of the words you were saying but because of what you HAD said, and what you hadn’t said.  

All the smiles, and fleeting touches, all the instances you stood up for her on field when she was taken down by rival players, EVERYTHING had started to make sense.  

All the signs were there but Carli hadn’t seen them.  

Now though... Now she couldn’t ignore them, and she in NO way planned to.

“Well, are you going to talk to her?”

Carli jumps at the sound of a familiar voice, turning to find a number of her teammates standing beside her, each and every one of them wearing massive grin.  

Carli remains silent, Julie Ertz snorting as she gives her longtime teammate a shove.  

“Well? Get up there and talk to your girl Lloyd!”

Carli rolls her eyes, the woman grinning before she turns and darts to the elevator, her teammates cheering her on as she goes.  

The closer the elevator gets to your floor, the more her heart races, the more her head tries to tell her it didn’t mean anything, you meant it in a friendly way.  

As with the reporter’s comments, she tunes them out, ignoring them, ignoring the critical voice in her head as she makes her way to your room, stopping at your door.  

She nods.

Once.  

Twice.  

A third time.  

Then knocks.  

                                                          ***

It takes you a moment to gather yourself before you head towards the door, stopping in front of the only thing blocking you from whoever is on the other side. 

That whoever possibly being the woman you’d stood up for when a reporter had the audacity to ask an idiotic question, and make idiotic statements.  

A woman you’d had feelings for, for so long and wanted to confess to, a woman you may be facing in the next few seconds.  

You swallow hard and pull the door open, revealing the very woman you’d be thinking about all day.  

“He-Hey.” You mumble, unable to look at Carli, instead focusing on your shuffling feet.  

Carli smiles.  

“Hey.”  

The two of you stand there, silent, that is until you clear your throat.  

“S-S-Sorry, come in.” You step aside, still unable to look at the woman as she moves into the room the two of you are sharing.  

Just as Carli goes to slip passed you, she catches your wrist, the woman pulling you towards the balcony.  

The two of you step out into the warm night air, Carli pulling you to the balcony’s railing, her elbows resting on the barrier’s upper bar.  

“I wanted to thank you.” She whispers, your eyes widening as you look up at her for the first time since she’d entered the room.  

“You don’t need to thank me.” You whisper, the USWNT veteran smiling as she gives your hand, which she’s still holding, a squeeze.  

“I do, you didn’t have to stand up for me but you did...” She smiles.  

You scoff.  

“Of course, I had to, there was no way I was going to let him talk to you that way...” You growl. “I’m not going to let him talk about someone I-

You swallow hard, turning away, your cheeks flushing bright red.  

“Love?” Carli whispers, your eyes widening as they lock with Carli’s brown orbs. 

Your mouth opens and closes a few time before you take a deep breath.  

“Carli-

“Is it true?” She whispers, nervously.  

She hadn’t planned on coming right out and asking, but apparently, that’s what was happening anyway.  

You can’t find the words, and instead, go with a wordless answer, giving the woman a nod, not daring to look at her.  

Carli is unable to bite back a smile as she stares at your profile, the woman’s hand leave yours in favor of sliding up your arm, fingertips leaving goosebumps in their wake as Carli hand moves to rest on your cheek.  

“Would it make you feel better if I said I loved you back?”  

You stare at the buildings before you, your eyes widening as you turn to Carli, the woman’s hand caressing your cheek.  

“You...” You shake your head, mouth opening and closing a few times before you find your words, whispering. “You love me?”

Carli’s tongue swipes at her lips, the woman’s thumb running along your cheekbone.  

“How could I not...?” She asks, voice below a whisper as she takes a step towards you, her chest inches from yours.  

“T-This isn’t just because I stood up for you...?” You ask, uncertainly and Carli smiles, shaking her head.  

“Of course, not...” She laughs. “I guess we were both just as blind to one another's feelings.”  

Your eyes widen, darting from sparkling brown orbs, to parted lips and back.  

You take a deep breath, covering the hand on your cheek with your own.  

“I guess we were...” You whisper, Carli watching as you lean in. “But we aren’t now.”  

Carli meets you halfway, her lips pressing gently against yours, the feel of her kiss more than you had ever possibly imagined.  

Her opposite hand moves to cup your cheek, the woman pulling you closer, tilting her head to change the angle of the kiss, your hands settling on top of hers.  

You pull back, of course, only for a moment before leaning back in, the two of you smiling as your lips again tenderly meet.  

Eventually and reluctantly, you part, your eyes fluttering open at roughly the same time, lips splitting into massive grins.  

Carli leans back in, her forehead resting against yours.  

“You know, we’ll probably never see that ESPN reporter again... I never expected YOU to be the one to tell him off.” She laughs, and you snort, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.  

“I don’t think anyone did, but I’d do it again, no one gets to talk to the woman I-” You stop mid-sentence. “No one gets to talk to the woman I...”  

“Love?” Carli grins, your cheeks flushing as you nod.  

“Yeah... No one talks to the woman I love that way...” You whisper, grinning when the forward closes the distance between you again, lips touching yours so gently that you wonder if they even touched at all.  

Again, with much reluctance you part, the two of you grinning.  

“Just so you know...” Carli whispers, your eyes fluttering open to lock with her brown orbs, a grin on the woman’s face as she whispers words you know hold nothing but truth.  

“I love you too.”  

[parcoeurs]

Extremely fascinated by your wag AU tag 👀.

thanks bestie so am i.

okay lmao so this isn't an actual fic that'll ever be written but. i was talking to my friend about it who still hasn't finished dts season 3 unfortunately but it means that i've switched around ages and years etc. i promise this has the potential to be a fun and sexy time but there's just s o much background shit that needs to be discussed. tw for mentions of irl deaths etc:

but pierre & charles meeting when they're 5-6 (which is what i think charles actually says irl but someone said it might've been closer to when they were 10-11? regardless.) and charles' dad passes away when they're 9-10, and jules when they're 13-14 and charles quits racing then. (fyi i know that irl jules passed away first)

he thinks about quitting when his dad passes away but keeps going with help from jules. so when the accident etc happens, it's not even like an active decision he ponders. he just knows there's no way he'll race again.

and pierre's been with him throughout everything, his best friend who he can talk to when he can't bear looking at his own family. so he doesn't understand when pierre tells him he's going to keep racing. when charles had told him he was never going to get into a kart ever again, pierre had nodded, grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. important to note that they're barely teenagers rn so yes charles feels betrayed that pierre isn't feeling the same things he is and isn't choosing the same future for himself etc.

they have a huge fight, lots of crying, lots of dramatic teenage angst. but it ultimately ends with charles shutting pierre out of his life. which is easier said than done when it's your best friend whose family is super close with yours. but it works because pierre is off racing around the world and charles has done all he can to never have to think about that stuff.

so charles goes to school, is doing uni somewhere in europe. studies something generic like business or maybe if i'm feeling suuuuper indulgent i will have him major in environmental studies like moi <3 pointedly does not come to monaco during grand prix weekend or the week before or the week after.

and then anthoine passes away too. (they're 20-21 now)

they see each other again at the funeral but don't talk, they meet up afterwards. pierre breaking down in charles' arms, clutching at his back, telling him he was right. pierre should've quit, he can't do this anymore either. they haven't said a word to each other in 7 years but charles still knows pierre, and knows that this isn't actually what pierre wants. or what he should do. (charles vaguely knows pierre's in f1 but doesn't know he's with redbull, doesn't know redbull's the top team etc)

"you can still do this, you will," charles tells him.

"not without you again."

so then comes the challenge of mending their relationship while still working through the shared trauma, and the Layers of past trauma. and also just the general awkwardness that comes with a friendship breakup/makeup situation you know! they can't just act like nothing happened but would it be easier that way?

they start texting first, then they play fifa or cod together. (sometimes pierre's british friend lewis joins too.)

slowly slowly slowly, they become friends again and then inseparable too. maybe even closer than they were before and charles only now realizes how much he missed pierre. while pierre still can't believe he has charles back now, it's as good as he let himself imagine.

the part i'm unsure about is if i would want pierre's career trajectory to be the same or not. because i think the demotion adds SUCH a painful but interesting aspect to his ~storyline. but ultimately i think maybe he just doesn't get the second seat immediately. spends more years with toro rosso/alpha tauri before getting "called up" (sorry i have no idea what the proper terminology is haha ignore the nba/nhl terms).

he invites charles to his first race in the red bull and charles says no. immediately. pierre's quiet on the other side of the phone, internally thinking he messed this up somehow. he thought things were going well and he takes this as charles doesn't want to see him. but he knows there's a lot more that's stopping charles and he also knows charles will definitely pull back if pierre asks about the other stuff. so he moves right along, asking charles about school, the weather, and tries not to let it show in his voice that he misses his best friend and needs him too.

"i'm going to try to watch," charles says, after pierre's yawned goodnight through the phone and is waiting for him to hang up. because you know pierre's not going to hang up first.

"what?"

"the race. i'm going to try. goodnight!" mentally charles slams the phone shut but really he just smashes at the red button before shoving it under his bed and looking at his hands trying to get answers for what he just did.

his only relief is that he didn't promise pierre he would watch, just that he would try. couldn't even choke out a, "good luck." (insert long paragraph about charles letting pierre down or thinking he has).

he only watches qualifying. pierre p3. already knows on saturday that there's no way he can watch the actual race.

but on sunday when he's supposed to be going over his notes for his climate change science & policy course (yes.... i did it...) he finds himself with his heart in his mouth refreshing formula1 dot com. watches the random names move up and down while keeping his eyes on 10 - gasly. (starts shaking for a second when he sees pierre's name drop until the IN PIT sign comes up across his name. fellas the thing about triggers is-- anyways.)

the scariest part is that by the time he's scrolled through all of red bull's socials to look at pictures of pierre on the podium (he finished p2 sorry i know this truly does not matter), he's forgotten about the race. the anxiety sits small in the back of his throat, his happiness for pierre is bright and loud in front of him. charles sends him a message, asking him to call whenever he can and adds a blue & red heart emoji which feels like a Big Step. but basically pierre calls and acts like nothing has happened since the last time they talked. mentions the breakfast he had in detail as if he didn’t get a podium in his first race with red bull. finally with a big team. but charles embarrassingly realizes that maybe his text didn't exactly imply in literally any way whatsoever that he knows the results of the race and was trying to congratulate pierre with this call. charles probably feels so embarrassed at this point but somehow still can't manage to say anything about the race until the next day maybe.

maybe texts pierre, good job. or, you were great. or something about him and not the race. or maybe reposts a picture from red bull but not one of pierre in his car, pointedly. only one of him on the podium. and pierre probably reposts it with the squid emoji and/or my favourite sentence in the world, merci petit calamaro.

charles cries when he reads it.

not to be lazy now but [insert 10k words of them building their friendship. meeting up in monaco with both of their families. meeting in milan or london or paris idk where pierre would live. but he flies charles out. not on a private jet because charles flat out refused lol. not because he's an environmentally conscious king he's just too, embarrassed? overwhelmed? by pierre doing Things Like That for him. even though he wants it lol. like when he graduates he's soooo annoyed that pierre couldn't come celebrate immediately because it was race week. but when he comes home his apartment is filled with flowers (roses, his favourite) and balloons and a giant teddy bear as tall as charles. and he DOES post 12 instagram stories to go with the other 30 from his other friends congratulating him. so yeah charles goes through a lot of personal growth and therapy. to the point where he's watching pierre race again, and waiting for him to invite him to a race again!!! do not even think about actual dates i'm fucking begging you but the one he goes to is monza :))))]

ultimately charles' path to understand/accepting/moving on from, his trauma, happens once he has pierre back in his life. it's also encouraged by pierre, but it's also not entirely because of him. not sure how to word that but yeah. these things are happening at the same time but charles still has to go through them by himself.

pierre takes him on romantic dates all around the world and charles doesn't realize that's what they are. fully in his bestie vibes only mood while pining for pierre in a way he doesn't even quite understand. almost a self deprecating, jeez whoever gets to date pierre is going to be so lucky :/

fanpage on ig: met pierre's alleged bf he's so pretty and sweet, i complimented his shoes and he was so nice. charles reading that: i didnt know he was dating someone :( why wouldn't he tell me :( well at least someone complimented my shoes today :(

pierre doesn't necessarily think they're dating, but he does know charles doesn't quite realize what they're doing so he's just waiting for him to come to terms with it.

not to give this au 10 different subplots but yeah that miscommunication plot becomes our prize for surviving through the first part of this.

but yeah at the last race of the year, that pierre wins because i said so? charles finds him before he goes on to the podium, kisses his helmet. says i love you, i'm so proud of you.

THEN, finally, charles does become pierre's wag. we made it kids. we did it joe.