#we know why he'd have a motive to side against the gods

[the-twilight-sword]

just an idle thought, but it's possible pierrot is the cryo dragon. it's confirmed he's not a seat. and he's got the pointy ears that neuvillette has

[jadeee]

Living with Nanami

I get the feeling there'll be a part 2... I've never done anything note motivated but maybe if this gets 100 notes I will 👀 -> update: read part 2 here!

He habitually wipes the bathroom countertop after using the sink. It's ingrained in him. We all saw that ep in season 1.

Definitely has a modern aesthetic which when paired with yours is very... interesting. He'll eye whatever knick knacks you have in silence, keeping his thoughts to himself.

Your feet felt warm on the multi-colored rug you placed in front of the couch. The walls were decorated with art you picked out, a few pops of green from your many plants here and there. Then there was the odd trinket you found from a thrift store years ago which stood upright on the coffee table. The longer he studied the color blocked sections of your bookshelf, the more his set mouth morphed into an impressed smile. Your hands brushed against each other until he took yours in his completely.

His pet peeve would definitely be little bits of trash scattered throughout the house. He's not passive aggressive but he won't lash out or lecture you. Just a little "Darling, I noticed you forget to throw things out sometimes. Why is that?"

Another pet peeve I see for him is walking around brushing your teeth or flossing 💀 if you walk down the hall flossing, he just imagines bits of plaque flying onto the walls silently. I'm not sure if he'd say anything about this because he thinks you may find it silly and he knows it's not a big deal but a piece of him shudders just a bit.

Always has pads, tampons, and pain relief meds in stock. He'll get the special snacks you like around that time of the month. Whenever it hits you, he's there with everything prepped and ready to go. I imagine he'll secretly want you to ask him for cuddles just so he can spoon you 💗 he rests his hands on your low abdomen while talking to you softly, his breath tickling your ear.

Side note: He doesn't get into the habit of carrying these things around until one day you two are out and you're period suddenly comes out then he goes on the hunt for a pad or tampon.

He's very serious about going to sleep at a certain time and is lowkey bothered when he sees you staying up late - if it's for work, okay fine but if you're up on your phone or watching TV, expect a "you should really go to bed". If you're being a brat and he's really serious, he will haul you off to bed. He wants to give you a peck on the cheek so you know he's not mad but he won't because he's feeling petty.

The place would look very clean and organized nearly all the time except for the weekends. I believe in this 100% because Friday night is when he finally let's loose just a bit. Maybe he had too much to drink when you two went out but you look so cute and you smell so good and my God, your lips... Saturday morning rolls around and so does he in the sheets. His arms wrap around you as he groans softly against your skin, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. He knows the place is a bit messy but would rather clean tomorrow since he wants to spend the day with you.

Cleaning is a shared effort. He's not doing all the work and neither are you. I love him and I know he's all for taking care of you but I feel like realistically, this would truly be a shared task. Doing dishes can suck and so can cleaning the bathroom but it's enjoyable when you're playing your music. When he hauls the laundry off to the washing machine, he can't help but look in your direction and smile at the private show you're putting on for yourself.

No matter who cooks, dishes are typically done together. I think it'd become a tradition to bake on Saturdays. Ohh some cake with wine in the afternoon? You two sitting on the porch just giggling and talking about nothing and everything inbetween. Then when golden hours hits and the sun just casts that heavenly glow on you.

Kento leans back with a soft grin on his face.

"What are you smiling at?" you block the sun from your face.

"My light, my life."

Heat filled your cheeks as you dropped your head and crossed your legs.

Kento chuckled, "Did I make you nervous?"

"No." you snicker then glance up at him.

He filled your empty glass, "You're a better baker than you are a liar."

You grinned then looked off into the sunset to hide your embarrassment but it only highlighted the things Nanami loved about you.

He doesn't go to sleep mad or upset. He doesn't have the space for it or the time or the energy. Your relationship isn't perfect but it's worth fighting for and he makes sure to do that whenever you two have a fight. If you're both home that night, he won't invade your space but he'll make sure to let you know he cares in some way. Say you fall asleep on the couch? You're going to wake up in the bed and wonder how he ended up on the couch instead. If you haven't eaten, he'll bring you a small snack without saying anything.

This is really random but the security would honestly be multi-layered. Definitely a self insert bc home invasions TERRIFY ME 😭 he'd invest in a good alarm system and have the security cameras outside - yes, cameras to cover the front and back door.

Hmm, what else? Oh you'd have house shoes by the door. I like to think someone bought you two matching ones as a wedding gift or couple themed - like his and hers.

Fun fact: Sharing a bed with you the first night was weird for him. He didn't feel uncomfortable but he didn't feel comfortable either. He just laid there like a man in a coffin.

"Nanami?"

"Hm?" he turned his head to glance at you in the dark.

"Are you ok?"

"... I'm fine, why do you ask?"

The sound of you moving around made his ears turn pink and he was grateful for the dark for once. "You just seem so," he tried not to grunt when you poked his side "stiff."

"Hm, it's really nothing. You should go to sleep."

More rustling he wished would go away. Each second caused a slow heat to creep from his feet to his face.

"Can I hold you?"

He turned his head again then glanced up at the black ceiling. A sigh escaped his lips as he rolled over. Your limbs found each other in the dark and you rested your head near his. His chest deflated of anxiety then.

"Is this better? Do you feel comfortable?"

The sudden feel of lips against your forehead made you smile.

"Yes," he said softly then held you tight until he fell asleep.

Author's Note: I only saw him as the husband while writing this. You're already married in this headcanon.

[epic-kotlc-crossover]

The Horse and the Infant

This is the first chapter for the EPIC/KOTLC crossover!! (I know we did the thunder saga already but we had a lot of motivation for that and were really excited to post :D) Hope you guys enjoy!!

taglist: @justalunaticfangirl @myfairkatiecat @bookwormgirl123 @thesfromhms @ham-cheese-toastie

This was it, Fitz told himself. He glanced around the wooden horse at his fleet.

One last battle before he could go home, and one last battle before he could see Sophie and Marella again. Marella would be ten by now—it seemed almost crazy to think about.

"Alright, everyone!" He transmitted to the crowd of 600 men, thinking that talking would reveal their position. "Tonight, the Trojans will regret ever messing with us."

Fitz gestured to Keefe. "Your families are wondering where you've been. Do as I say and you'll see them again."

"Yessir!" The chorus of soldiers whispered as one, and Fitz grinned broadly, the dim lighting making it seem almost mad.

As he was sending out his instructions, Fitz let himself feel happy for one more moment—the war was almost over.

As the crowd dispersed, Fitz sent out a chant: "What do you live for? What do you fight for? What do you wish for?"

Sophie....

That was why he was doing all of this—for Sophie and Marella.

I'll fight for them. Fitz thought firmly.

"Attack!" He roared, and charged into the city, following his men.

Fitz was in the thick of the battle, screams and shouts mixing with the clash of his sword against his opponent's. All at once, his vision dimmed and he collapsed.

An clap of thunder boomed, and when Fitz opened his eyes, he wasn't in Troy anymore. Fitz glanced around, panic clogging his throat.

He seemed to be in the ruins of a city, and upon closer inspection, and a jolt of horror, he realized it was his kingdom. Ithaca.

What had happened? In the ten years he'd been gone, could everything have gone into shambles?

He couldn't—he had to find his men. Fitz needed to help them. They had to win this battle, but how could they do that when Fitz couldn't be with them?

How could he save Ithaca?

As he turned around one last time, a figure appeared. With a huge crackling lightning bolt, the person standing before him could only be Zeus. And, Fitz noticed with confusion, a baby swaddled in his right arm. Maybe he was finally doing child support?

"What was that?" His voice came out shaky, because he just realized that the wound in his side was gone-and so was the pain.

"A vision." Zeus' voice boomed, loud and deep, across the space. "Of what is to come. You can only change it right now."

Fitz didn't even pause before replying, "Tell me how?" His crew needed him, and he wouldn't be any use to them dead.

He wouldn't be any use to Ithaca dead.

Plus, he had to see Sophie.

A rumble of laughter erupted from Zeus. "I don't think you're ready." The god told Fitz.

Fitz bristled, offended but stayed silent as Zeus continued. "You'll need to kill someone's son, someone unlike anyone you've faced before."

Fitz straightened, ready to accept. "I can do this, I promise you."

Once again there was laughter-one that started to annoy Fitz deeply—and Zeus stepped forward and placed the baby in his arms.

Fitz looked down in horror. He couldn't mean—

"This is the son of Prince Hector. If you don't kill him now, he will grow up to kill you." Zeus paused. "If you don't kill him now, you'll have no home to protect."

Fitz shook his head wildly, and stumbled back, trying to think of what to do.

He could take him home with him—Sophie wouldn't mind, he was sure of it.

Fitz could sent the infant far, far away, where he could never find out about his father.

"You'll have blood on your hands either way, Fitz." The god told him, almost like he was reading Fitz's mind. "All you have to do is choose."

[sapphorror]

Now that you have read the ZimVoid arc, what are your toughts on Zib and Za2r (Zib❤Zim2[2im{twoim}])?

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!! alright, maybe I was definitely going to say this all anyway, but now I have a decent excuse to braindump it all at once instead of trying to write, I don't know, coherent analysis.

Yeah, I'm obsessed with this guy. I'm still only just starting to build a proper 3D model of him in my head, so don't take anything I rave about here too seriously, but my god is Zib something else. Also, really cute. No one told me he'd be cute and I wasn't at all equipped to deal with what I got. I was operating under the assumption he was going to be at least a LITTLE cool, but this is the most pathetic wet meow meow of a character I have ever seen, and that is no small statement.

(Also also, is it just me, or does the way Zib's drawn remind anyone else of rubber hose animation like, moreso than the comics artstyle generally does? I can't quite pin down what's making it feel that way, but I like it. Gives him Vibes™, y'know?)

Anyway. Fusions like Zib are always going to be fun, just for what they imply about their component characters and the game of trying to identify what characteristics come from where. And Zib is especially fun for this because Zim and Dib are such similar people to begin with. It honestly doesn't surprise me that the Zimfluence went initially unnoticed by our Dib, not just because he's more prone to cognitive bias than he likes to believe, but because there are so many overlapping traits between these two guys that Zib wasn't so much altered by the fusion as he was exacerbated. They blend seamlessly to the point it's really hard to pick out where one ends and the other begins, and in a different kind of story, Dib might actually be forced to reflect on what that implies about him and his motivations. As is, he's just going to keep fooling himself, though.

Probably the most obvious dichotomy between them, at least where it applies to Zib, is motive, and that definitely brings up some interesting questions. When he chooses to take over the Earth, is that the Zim side disguised by Dib-passing justifications, or does it say a whole lot more about Dib's actual loyalty to the Earth against his loyalty to opposing Zim than anyone would really like it to? How about the total lack of internal conflict when it comes to decimating the Armada and wrecking the Irken Empire? What does that say about Zim's ultimate loyalties?

Granted, I am at this point pretty certain Zib didn't just put on the PAK and call it a day, I think he took precautionary measures to ensure that the Dib half remained the 'dominant' personality, given that in 10 Minutes to Doom we see him completely subsumed by Zim's coding, so this isn't a perfect equal split. But it is still a split—Zib clearly did not have the foresight to account for everything, if he even wanted to—and the fact he prepared himself for this is itself interesting, because it means the decision was premeditated, not done on a whim during some momentary mental break. This might even be why he's half-Irken; instead of the PAK altering his biology, maybe Zib altered his biology so it could survive the long-term integration of the PAK. And isn't it just insane to imagine any version of Dib willingly body-horroring himself like that, stripping away his own humanity? When he accused our Dib of being just another ignorant human, could that maybe be a sign that he didn't want to have anything in common with those people anymore?

None of this is what really gets me about Zib, though. This is.

Admittedly, I'm sort of predisposed here, because I have this whole Thing about Dib's unfaltering belief he can somehow prove himself to humanity, despite all evidence to the contrary, being in essence identical to Zim's delusion that he's already adored by all... that's it's whole own post, tbh, but my point is Dib's ostracization wouldn't be solved by exposing Zim, and it's fun to see that explicitly confirmed.

But it's also more specific than that. Because what Zib was forced to realize here is that he destroyed the only person capable of actually caring about him. And that's why the Zimvoid is the Zimvoid, isn't it? Zib could've used those portals to escape anywhere or lure in anything, but instead he does this. Part of that's the obsessive need to succeed where he'd previously failed and decimate the Armada (+ repeatedly 'defeat' Zim because he's still too emotionally stunted to understand that's not actually what he needs), and I think all of that is important, but there's also something to be said about how deeply driven Dib is by the desire for external validation, and here he went and fused himself with the one person in the universe who might be even more love-hungry than he is. Zib's not afraid of being alone simply because he dislikes isolation—I mean, even within the Zimvoid, he still physically and ESPECIALLY emotionally isolates himself from the other Zims. Being the only person left in his reality means there's no one to admire his greatness, and given who he's a combination of, of course that's his worst nightmare. And ridiculous as it may be, he understands that Zim is the only person who's ever given him that kind of attention. So why not make a whole planet of them? Why not trick them into idolizing him? I mean, who else could even matter besides Zim?

Also? This one's sort of auxiliary to the last point, but there is something deeply, deeply sexy and thematically chewy in Dib wanting/needing Zim so badly that he quite literally became him, and that not being enough. I mean, what is the Zimvoid but a huge collector's display? And it's exactly this that makes him the architect of his own ultimate tragedy. I have a thing for characters who damn themselves not through any single choice, but by passing up a million little opportunities to save themselves, totally confident in their decisions right up til the moment it actually is too late. He could've used those portals to escape to another timeline. He could've designed the Zimvoid as anything other than a ticking timebomb of lies, conflict, and an ever inflating population of lunatics. He could've given up on his destructive plans and just enjoyed the huge fucked up harem he built for himself. He could've quit while he was ahead.

And the really funny thing is, even after the collapse of the Zimvoid, his total isolation is still a consequence of his own actions. I mean, the Zim from his own timeline literally cannot be taken away from him through any method short of murder. He's still right there. But by winning, by possessing his Zim to the point of consumption, Zib defeated the entire purpose of having Zim in the first place. They'll never be separated, and that's exactly the reason why he'll always be alone.

As for ZA2R... hm. I'm not sure if I have much to say about them just yet, but suffice to say I am Deeply Compelled. I'm always weak for that (false) god x worshipper dynamic. It's about someone as lonely and broken and closed off as Zib finding out the hard way that they're still capable of genuine love, no matter how bad they are at it, and there's something very special in every Zim's desire to be someone's favorite being so specifically exploited. I mean, the dynamic of highest subordinate is essentially identical to the one Zim likes to imagine he has with the Tallest, only actually real. Dishonest and exploitative, to be sure, but still real. And hey, important question, but what about #2's personal Dib and the fact Zib is always going to be implicitly competing against the person actually cosmically destined for his partner, because he fucked his own cosmic destiny up so badly? Or the inevitable spectacle of Dib's semi-latent yandere tendencies being brought to bear against himself?

Also! Shameless Homestuck chatter, but I take so much joy in pale ZADR dynamics (black diamond romance my beloved), and the fun thing about ZA2R is that their default pacifier/pacified dynamic swaps. In, uh, normal person terms, they've managed to contrive themselves a situation in which Zim is actually the comparatively sane/stable one, keyword comparatively, and being worked to death about it. There's nothing I love more than a justified role reversal, y'know?

THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT FOR NOW but like I've been thinking about these guys nonstop for 24 hours already, I WILL be losing my mind about them again. I don't know when, I don't know how, but it's gonna happen.

[one-vivid-judgment]

Hello! *evil laugh sounds* Sawashiro, Takabe, Ebina, Tesso, Kuwana and dirty little fantasies they have about their s/o, please! Thank you!

We going straight to horny jail for this one folks 🥳🥳

Jo Sawashiro

• God, this is embarrassing, especially for a guy like Sawashiro. But, despite the fact that he is a dom through and through, there is this side of him that kinda... wants to be dominated? Not outright pegged though, God forbid! Rather, he wants you to take full control—shove him back down if he tries to get up and take the reigns, pin his wrists down while you ride him, just take whatever you need and make him feel insignificant. It's not really that part that turns him on, though it is sexy in and of itself. It's about making him feel small, but still love him at the end of it all: holding him, kissing him, just generally treating him kindly after you've milked him dry. 

Mamoru Takabe

• You are always doing things for him ever since he became the ever-busy chairman of the Seiryu Clan, so really, all he wants is to return the favor. Tie you up and not let you do anything but take what he gives you... for a full 24 hours. Of course, there'd be breaks so your limbs don't go numb and you can fulfill your basic human necessities, but other than that, Takabe will be in charge. All. Day. But it's not about him using you—it's about making you come as much as you can possibly endure before you need to call it quits; on his cock, his fingers, his mouth, you name it. Testing your limits, if you will. 

Masataka Ebina

• The way this man wants to fuck you in front of all his men, you don't even know. Sure, he keeps you around for 'emotional support' during meetings 99% of the time (more like he wants to cop a feel when the meeting gets boring, for motivation you know?), but the most he does is grab a handful of thigh or grind against you. He outright wants to sit on his chairman chair, get you on top cowgirl style and fuck you while all his men watch. They wouldn't be allowed to touch you, of course; they'd just watch Ebina ruin you—he'd toy with the idea of letting his men use you, but you both know it's all mindless dirty talk. Ebina is too possessive and protective of you to ever let that happen for real. 

Tesso

• Zhao put the idea of food play in his head and it has been living in Tesso's head rent-free ever since. Why do you think he's been taking classes on how to temper chocolate properly? Hell, even just fruit would be great. Strawberries and whipped cream may sound cliché, but eating them off your tits sounds way better than eating them plain and simple. You know, like those sushi restaurants where you eat the sushi off a girl's naked body. He loves a sweet treat and he loves your body, so honestly, it's win-win all around. 

(He may have also thought about inviting Zhao over for a threesome, if you're interested, but that's a story for another day)

Jin Kuwana

• Full-on teacher-student roleplay. Don't get him wrong he likes the usual, simpler 'only calling him Kuwana-sensei and nothing else' type of roleplay, but he's been wanting to do a deep-dive for a while. With a slutty uniform, a desk, maybe one of those big rulers that break easy too. He'd want you to play the bad student who's failing their subjects and needs to make up for it somehow (aka, banging your teacher) and he'd play hard to get because he's supposed to be the good, professional teacher, but eventually, he'd give in and fuck you senseless. Of course, you'd also be calling him 'Kuwana-sensei' the whole time.

(Alternatively, handyman/customer roleplay. Yes, he kinda has a thing for sexual roleplay.)

[athanza]

NSFW Alphabet: Eric Coulter

A=Aftercare: (what they're like after sex)

I think he would be good at the basics; laying there with you afterwards, holding you, stroking your back, letting you both wind down after what we all know would be a pretty wild session. I feel like he'd get more attentive over time as his feelings for you get stronger.

B=Body part: (favourite body part on you and himself)

Oh this guy is an ass-man without a doubt. In a sexual sense he loves your ass, and loves anal too. He loves seeing you in tight workout leggings or shorts and loves to work out with you just to have a nice view while he's training. In a romantic sense he really loves your smile, it seems cheesy but seeing you smile makes him melt just a little bit evey time. His favourite part on himself would probably be his arms, he loves the fact that he can pick you up effortlessly and he knows you like them too.

C=Cum: (how fast he comes and where)

Oh, he takes his time. He's had enough experience to know how to keep himself going for as long as possible. Making you cum first is top priority and he prides himself on being able to make you cum just with his mouth or fingers. This man is a pleasure dom. As for where he likes to cum, he loves to make you swallow and watch you do it. If you don't like to swallow he loves watching his cum drip down your breasts and cleavage.

D=Dirty secret: (self explanitory)

I feel like despite seeming like a complete sadist on the outside, he's secretly a masochist. He gets turned on whenever you sparre with him, especially when you land a punch, jab, or inflict any kind of pain on him. It would take him a while to admit it to you though.

E=Experience: (how much Experience he's had)

A decent amount. One night stands were his thing before he met you and he's definitely broken a few hearts.

F=Favorite position:

As an ass-man he loves doggy, whether you're doing vaginal or anal, he just loves watching your ass jiggle while he fucks the life out of you. He also likes reverse cowgirl, prone bone, snake, valedictorian, and he likes upstanding citizen because he loves being able to pick you up.

G=Goofy: (is he more goofy or serious in bed?)

Definitely more serious but he does have a playful side and loves your giggle.

H=Hair: (downstairs grooming)

He keeps it trimmed and neat, I don't think he could be bothered shaving unless you asked him lol

I=Intimacy: (how intimate does he get? Is he rough or gentle?)

I think he'd get surprisingly intimate during sex, especially if it's a longer session. He likes to hold you close against him and feel your breathing as he pleasures you, and oh my god this man loves eye contact despite liking your ass so much. This man is touch starved and the affection and intimacy he gets from you make him feel things. As for gentle or rough it's definitely more of the latter, he takes breaks sometimes to help him last longer but sex with Eric is usually rough unless you want otherwise.

J=Jacking off: (how often does he do it and why?)

He usually has you when he's horny so he doesn't usually need to jack off very often. But on the occasion that you're not around and he's a little frustrated rubbing one out is just what the doctor ordered and he loves to do it while holding your underwear.

K=Kinks:

Oh he's a kinky motherfucker and we all know it. Breath play, impact play, BDSM, edge play in general, orgasm control, humiliation, role play, this man is down for a lot but won't do anything you're not comfortable with.

L=Location: (where he likes to get it on)

He usually likes to keep it professional around his colleagues and prefers to have his time with you in your apartment, but if you can find an empty store room or closet and he's particularly horny he'll take the opportunity.

M=Motivation: (what turns him on/makes him tick?)

He loves it when you're being all tough-guy towards shitty colleagues or bratty new initiates. He loves watching you kick ass or shatter someone's pride with just one sentence, it's so fucking sexy to him. He also loves it when you call him 'sir', 'daddy' is ok too but 'sir' really gets him going. But even just saying his name during sex is enough to get him going. Also, wearing anything that shows off your ass like workout leggings/shorts, tight skirts/jeans etc.

N=No (what turns him off during sex?)

He doesn't like being humiliated or being submissive. He also absolutely not interested in cuckholding, watersports or feet.

O=Oral: (giving and receiving. How skilled is he?)

He's very skilled, and L-O-V-E-S eating you out, especially from behind. He also loves it when you go down on him and drag your nails down his chest. He LOVES leaving marks on you and when you do the same to him.

P=Pace: (how fast he is and how long he lasts)

His stamina and endurance are through the roof. Good luck.

Q=Quickie: (does he like them?)

He does, but he prefers to take his time with you.

R=Risk: (does he like to try new things?)

Tbh there's not much else to try with him lmao. He will try something new if you ask him though unless it involves lack of birth control, he prefers to be very safe in that department.

S=Stamina: (how long can he go for?)

Refer to "P"

T=Toys: (is he game to use toys on himself or others?)

Eh. He doesn't think he needs them but will use some on you if you ask.

U=Unfair: (does he like to tease or be teased?)

SO unfair. Oh he loves teasing you, he gets off so much on getting you all hot and bothered and making you wait all day (sometimes longer if he's off on an assignment) till you're alone and even then he'll hit you with orgasm control till you're pleading with him to let you cum.

V=Volume: (is he loud or quiet during sex?)

I wouldn't say he's loud per se, but he does like talking to you and letting you know you're doing good, whether that be by telling you or by letting out a moan or grunt.

W=Wildcard: (random headcanon)

This man is touch starved. He loves having physical contact with you, sexual or not. And omg he will melt if you run your fingers through his hair or rub his shoulders after a long day.

X=X-ray: (let's take a closer look under those clothes...)

Around 7 inches, a little girthy but not a lot. Nice balls.

Z=Zzzz: (does he fall asleep after sex? If so, how quickly?)

Depending on the day he's had he'll fall asleep pretty quickly. Though he does like staying awake for a bit to take in the feeling of you asleep on his chest or in his arms and hear your steady breathing. He doesn't let himself stay up too late though as he needs to be up very early for work.

[the-werdna]

Title: Robcina Week Day 7 - Free Day

Description: After two years apart, Robin and Lucina have been reunited following the tactician's sacrifice to kill Grima for good. But so wrapped up in their reunion, Robin had forgotten the pain he'd put his wife through.

Notes: Takes place after the end of Awakening, after the events of Chapter 65 of Love Across Time and just before Chapter 1 of that same story

Words: 737

"Lucina, you know you don't have to hold onto my hand all day, right?" Robin asked, turning his head to look at the beautiful princess pressed close at his side. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise," he added, laughing softly as his wife continued to cling to his hand all the more fervently.

"Nope. I shall not," she murmured in reply, nuzzling her head against his shoulder.

"Mhmmm. Why is that?" Robin asked

"So I can ensure you're still here," Lucina answered. She lifted her head, peering up at him with glimmering azure eyes. "Now that I have you back, I don't intend to let you out of my sight."

Oh. Robin cursed himself inwardly, realizing at once just how flippant he was being. It had been only a couple of hours since Chrom had found him in the same field he'd first woken up in years before. Mere hours since the tear-filled reunions with his wife and his friends. He'd been so wrapped up in it that he'd almost forgotten. Forgotten that while for him it seemed as though no time had passed, for her, it had been two long, painful years.

"I-I'm sorry. I… I'm being inconsiderate, aren't I?" He grimaced, taking his turn to squeeze her hand back. He had to reassure her that he was there and wasn't going to leave and put her through that all over again.

"It's okay," Lucina assured him, flashing a gentle smile. She reached over, placing her free hand on his arm. "You came back to me. That's all that matters."

"I'm glad too, it's just… I should have been more considerate. Since I've been here I've barely considered what you must have gone through." He gave her hand another squeeze, his voice falling into a faint whisper. "You deserve better from me than that."

"Robin I…" she trailed off, her eyes misting up as she gazed at him. "I did miss you terribly." She squeezed his hand tighter. "I don't blame you for what happened. You were just doing what you believed was right. But I… I just don't know if I could bear to go through that again."

"Hey, Lucina, don't worry, okay? I am here now. As you said, that's what matters, right?" Robin assured her, trying his best to smile as confidently as he could.

"Yes… yes, you're right." She sniffed, bringing a smile of her own to her lips. Tilting her head, she dabbed to her face to draw away the wetness from her eyes. She rested her head back against his shoulder, murmuring, "It's just like you told me back then. That you'd be there at my side no matter-"

Lucina stopped suddenly, bolting upright. A laugh fell from her throat, and Robin was surprised to find a look of wonder on her face. "Gods, Robin, I just realized. Your promise. When we visited Bathrealm, you told me you'd stay with me no matter what. That even if you died, you'd come back. And you did. You came back."

"I-" he frowned, the realization hitting him. He had done that, just like he'd promised back then. Maybe that was how he managed to claw his way back to life. What better motivation than to keep a promise to the one you love? "Huh, I suppose I did." He said, his frown turning to a grin as it fully sunk in. "I did say that, didn't I? That it was my job to pull off the impossible. And I did, thanks to you. Because you were my motivation, Lucina. I had to keep my promise to you."

Lucina laughed too, nuzzling her head close to the crook of his neck. "Robin?" She asked at last.

"Yes?"

"I truly am blessed to have found you in my life. Thank you for being here for me, by my side.'"

Robin blinked. It seemed like it was his turn to tear up. "Lucina?"

"Yes?"

"I can't accept your thanks. Because… I should be the one thanking you. I love you, more than anything in this world. If not for you, not for your love, I couldn't have done any of this. Without you being here, I don't think I could have come back." Leaning down, Robin kissed her softly on the lips. "No matter what happens, I'm here now, and I'm never letting go ever again."

[theomnicode]

OPM God and Schizophrenia allegory

When Saitama's symptoms after becoming stronger match those described in this video about Schizophrenia and what Psykos is also going through by hearing voices from OPM god, including the part about those symptoms being misdiagnosed as depression and knowing that OPM God has probably watched Saitama from tender age of 12...

Well, shit.

OPM God influence is schizophrenia allegory innit?

Paraphrasing from the video:

(I recommend watching it btw, it makes it make so much more sense if you connect the dots)

"Negative symptoms are behaviours of phenomena that are absent or diminished and they often begin emerging in someone before positive symptoms begin to take affect and in some cases, even years in advance. One of the most commonly experienced negative symptoms is Avolition or Extreme apathy and Severe lack of motivation. This can leave someone more isolated in their social withdrawal as the symptoms increase in severity. Often accompanied by Anhedonia, a total lack of pleasure or even Alogia, a decline in speech complexity. Blunted affect, a condition where the patient fails to express emotion at all, whether it be positive or negative. Instead of showing no emotion whatsoever, schizophrenia can also cause inappropriate affect; the person shows emotion but the wrong one, such as someone chuckling at a funeral called Paradoxical laughter. Neurocognition is the brain's ability to process information, so patients with schizophrenia have issues with things like remembering and repeating a short string of words.

Just to note something on the video.

I had this horrifying creepypasta thought about Saitama being completely catatonic in front of his television, just watching the news. For days. Not moving at all.

Just brain static.

Why is he sitting in the dark, watching tv?

You'd think if it was dark outside, he'd put on the lights or something. But it's daytime. His house is just...dark for no reason. While he's sitting in front of his balcony window.

The metaphor of stepping back into the light is pretty strong.

I've had thoughts about Saitama becoming stronger alluding to loss of cognitive functions like alzheimer's but yea, I guess we can add this to the list of what OPM God can do to people mentally. Just plain psychological horror of losing the self, the personhood, in different ways. The real, worst enemy for Saitama in OPM had always though to be his depression and apathy so it checks out that OPM God would be the very personification of psychological cosmic horror.

The creepiest part is the piggy bank. A memento mori.

It stares back from inside the television screen. It's facing the wrong direction.

That is one creepy piggy bank.

The lack of conscience is the other side of the coin. The piggy bank is a reminder of it.

Subterranean fight is basically Saitama fighting his own subconscious trying to invade him and had already killed 70% of his cognitive functions as casualties and Saitama finding his conscience (consciousness) again was able to fight back against OPM god's influence (and the voices in his head "guilt tripping" him, which may be allusion to spirits talking to him since he's "unwitting shaman" so he can hear into the spirit world). But Saitama fought back because he refused to turn into a vegetable and became the abominable fist that turned against god.

So basically, OPM God is the personification of the Slenderman that stalks him around every corner, the creepypasta, the mental illnesses and the dark side of his psyche at the backside of his head and the other side of him, a reminder of that is staring right back at him and watching his every move from behind the scenes, looking for an opening or a weakness in his armor, mental fortitude, he could exploit. Everything Saitama has refused to accept being part of himself pretty much (not unlike in Mob psycho.)

"This is what you did to yourself by dabbling with powers you do not know (breaking the limit), this is a reminder of what could become of you, avoid this outcome or else."

Checks out with all those OPM God and Saitama parallels.

--

One could say that ONE has possibly drafted OPM God as being humanity's dirty laundry, personification of everything humanity has cast away or locked away inside themselves, for instance from dislike, deeming it morally evil or fear of being stigmatized and facing consequences and has become humanity's toilet. The stigma itself that it does not want to be talked about, does not allow itself to be talked about and so it remains as the boogeyman in the closet.

Saitama and his mental health has never been anything but a serious issue in OPM and is not treated with kid's gloves or seen through rose-coloured goggles. Acknowledging that OPM God exists in secret is acknowledging that the stigma does exists, but it's just being hid behind closed doors. Like HA hides monsters in the basement. But OPM God also being played as the last boss in the series...confrontation seems inevitable. It is alluded that it is being drawn, summoned, to OPM earth dimension by Saitama too. So that would make it Saitama's personal demons that he has to wrestle with.

There's some cleaning up the toilet (genos) and defeating toilet (again genos) references around and Saitama also locks himself in a bathroom after toilet-dwelling monster in OPM game.

Current arc, we're kinda airing out all the dirty laundry in the closet too. Psykos is casually being tortured and dehumanized and nobody bats an eye. After she got stigmatized and exploited ofc.

We're just used to air out all the clean laundry like Saitama does in the first Ova, the shadow that snuck too close, but the shadow also took out the trashbag since it was getting messy inside.

No messing around with mental illnesses.

[nellie-elizabeth]

His Dark Materials: The Clouded Mountain (3x07)

Dayummmm I'm gonna cry so much when I watch the last episode, it's not even funny...

Cons:

The thing is, this show never should have tried to pull off an action movie. The special effects don't pass muster, they're forced to rely on shortcuts that just aren't all that visually interesting... angels and witches are having an epic battle but we can't really see it, human troops are valiantly dying for the cause but it's in dark snippets we can barely focus on. The Gallivespians continue to have not enough to do. It's not a matter of what's on the screen being bad, so much as it is a matter of them not being able to put stuff on the screen that should be there, if they really want it to.

Underpinning this problem with effects is a bigger one of Asriel's motivations. This whole time, his vendetta against God himself has been sort of a weak point. In the books, Asriel is more of a distant figure. By giving him so much screen-time in this final season, we sort of shine a spotlight on the fact that his whole war is a little silly and kind of useless. In the end, it's all about Lyra and the prophecy. So why is Asriel bothering with all of this? Is it just a distraction, a la the battle at the black gates in The Lord of the Rings, so Frodo can destroy the ring, or in this case, so Eve has the chance to "fall" the way she's destined to do? I don't know. When you really look at it, kinda weaksauce.

Also, Metatron ended up being kind of anticlimactic as a villain. He's just some name that we hear, then we meet him as a force of destruction, and then he's just Some Dude that our heroes of the hour can defeat by pushing off the side of a cliff. Meh.

Pros:

That stuff probably makes it sound like I didn't like this episode, but honestly for all my talk of how the finale will make me cry, this one got me weepy as well.

Starting with Will and Lyra, who took a backseat this episode. Their main role is getting reunited with their daemons. We get to see Will's daemon for the first time, and we're reintroduced to Pan who is... deeply hurt and betrayed still by Lyra's decision to leave him behind. We get this reunion moment but it's not fulfilled; it's painful and there's agony and longing on both sides, and then more plot stuff happens which means we're still unresolved with that. I loved the way Will reacted to the first sight of his daemon. Like meeting a friend he'd forgotten he once knew so well. Quietly beautiful.

I also want to mention Will and Lyra killing God. It's such a quick moment, anticlimactic, and the kids don't even know what they've just done. They set an old creature free, let him go to a merciful rest. It's a blink-and-you-miss-it moment, here in the show and honestly in the book as well. That's just as it should be.

The rest of this review is just going to be about Marisa and Asriel, are you surprised? Knowing this was coming, I was anxious about how it was going to play out. I've been praising the performances from these actors from the jump, and the writing for Mrs. Coulter has been one of the most intriguing, gorgeous parts of the whole show. The writing and use of Asriel has been a little more hit and miss. McAvoy does a great job giving Asriel the presence and gravitas he needs to have, but his mission and his goals and his wishy-washy-ness about his priorities has made his build to this final moment a little less satisfying than what we've got going on with Marisa.

But that said, it all becomes so worth it to me for those moments at the very end. Mrs. Coulter, playing mind games one final time, against an adversary more formidable than any other. She uses her real feelings of pain in order to trick Metatron. Asriel is on the ground, weeping and weak, and Mrs. Coulter approaches him to "gloat." And then her daemon, left behind, deploys a weapon that turns everything on its head, and Asriel, Marisa, and Stelmaria together are able to knock Metatron into the Abyss from whence there shall be no return for any of them.

Just... the beauty of Marisa and Asriel doing this for their daughter, giving up everything so Lyra can save the day, both of them finding selflessness within them but only just in time to give their lives for a greater goal... this element of the books always gives me goosebumps and they did a properly epic job of depicting it here. The real gut-punch comes with the golden monkey, Marisa's daemon reaching out to touch Lyra in his final moments, but fading away into dust before their hands can connect. Lyra watches the moment her mother's soul ceases to be, and knows herself orphaned.

And... yeah. We're setting the stage for the finale to be the emotional center of the story, to focus on Lyra and Will where the focus should ultimately be. This episode wasn't some strong pinnacle of everything TV can be. I had my problems with it. But the stuff that worked about it was so strong that I was just happy to be there to see those elements, at the end of the day!

8/10

[hugheshugs]

I need encouragement to do school work can you do something with Quinn please :)

i know you sent this in a loooong time ago so i apologize for that and i hope you got the encouragement you needed ! im struggling w school rn so i needed this, i hope its alright <3

quinn touched your side as you placed yourself between his legs, your back resting against his chest with your laptop on your thighs. you had been working for hours but it seemed as though no progress had been made. he could see the toll it had taken on you but he knew you needed to get your work done so you didn't fall behind. you were already struggling as is.

"c'mon, babe. why don't you take a short break–"

"i can't, quinn. you know that," you grumbled as you opened a new tab.

"you don't have anymore energy to go on," he pointed out, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"thanks, i didn't notice."

he rolled his eyes and rested his chin on your shoulder. "how about we play a game?"

you furrowed your eyebrows. "this isn't a time for games."

"i know that, i'm not an idiot."

"you sure about that?"

"fine, i won't help you then."

help you? you turned your head back. "what do you mean?"

"nope, you said you don't want it."

"no, tell me. please," you begged, jutting out your bottom lip.

he looked away, trying not to give in to your puppy god eyes, but he caved when you cupped his face in your hands and forced him to look at you.

"ugh, fine. for every paragraph you finish, i'll give you a kiss and a hug."

your eyes softened. it was simple, sure, but he knew how much you cherished physical affection and he also knew it would be a great motivator. he'd give you hugs and kisses whenever you asked but using it to help you was smart of him, that you'd admit.

you gave him a grin and before you knew it, he was praising you as his lips continuously met yours.

"looks like you're almost done," he noticed after a while, his lips a little swollen from all the kisses.

"mhm," you nodded bashfully. "i did it so quick! all thanks to my helper.."

he smiled at the way you timidly added that last part. "anything for you, my love."

[messymindofmine]

I've talked a lot about Johnny this season and I'll be talking about it more bc God knows there is so much that needs to be said and apparently some of it needs to be said repeatedly but I also want to talk about Shannon a bit.

Shannon has by no means been a good parent to Robby right from the start but when she went to rehab, I did hope that we would see better behavior from her. I find it interesting that she has appeared at least once in every season yet she really doesn't seem all that interested in Robby. Sure, she went to rehab and that is so great for her. But she had no problem letting Daniel search for Robby. I know she says that her life coach advised her against it but I find that rather unlikely. A life coach's job is to motivate and help you make your own decisions. It is most certainly not to tell a mother not to go looking for her missing son. I can see how leaving rehab may have been a bad idea for Shannon if she didn't feel she could handle it but if she's already got a life coach, there was really no reason why she could have kept that coach on speed dial while looking for Robby and then gone back when he was found and she knew he'd be safe. Honestly, it feels like a cop out to me and it does fit with what we've seen of Shannon from the start. She simply handed Robby to Daniel when Robby went to her. Robby went to her bc he felt safe going to her and I understand why she called Daniel. It's not as though there was much she could've done for him at that point but she just called Daniel and stood by the side as he talked to Robby. She could have still sat beside him and held Robby's hand as Daniel talked. She could have comforted him. But she just stood by the side and watched. And then she watched as the cops took Robby away. Sure she reached out to touch him then and tell him it would be OK but by then it was too late. You can actually see Robby flinching away from her. I've talked about this part before but it bears repeating especially in light of s5. I know she sent him emails while he was in juvie but emails are easy. The LaRussos all sent Robby emails and Daniel even called him. All of these things are very low effort and we saw what happened after with them anyway. So yeah, emails are easy and don't really mean anything when the situation Robby got back to is the same.

She also went to Johnny in the prom episode to tell him about Silver but she straight up says that even though Silver gave her the creeps, she didn't ask him any questions. She's says she tried to talk to Robby but how long would she have even tried given that Silver dropped the car off right before Robby left for prom? An hour at most? Hardly enough time to determine that Silver had his hooks into Robby. She realized something was off about Silver, enough so that she went to Johnny but she still had no problem letting Robby leave for prom. You know that if it had been Amanda or Carmen, Sam, Anthony or Miguel would never have even left the house yet Shannon had no problem just letting Robby go.

In s5, Shannon seems to be doing quite well for herself yet she spares very little thought about Robby. When Johnny talks to her about having Robby stay with him for the summer, they talk about Robby without even acknowledging his feelings. Shannon simply says yes rather than saying she'll ask Robby about it. Then, she tells Johnny that they were both young and dumb and she's glad that Robby gets to see this side of him now. First off, Johnny was in his mid-thirties when Robby was born so dumb sure but hardly young enough to warrant his behavior. Shannon would have also been an adult at least but she didn't have the option to just run away the way Johnny did. She had to go through 17 hours of labor alone and then raise a child alone. Now, Shannon was obviously a terrible mother and neglected Robby to the point of abuse but it's clear that Robby still had some good times with her and apparently still does. It doesn't forgive her behavior but at least to Robby it means something. Johnny couldn't even do that much and still doesn't. That said, Shannon had no problem having Robby stay with Johnny even after she saw the state his place was in and how he didn't even have a proper phone let alone a proper job.

As a side note, I do find it strange that people just assume that Shannon's parents are still living based off of what she said about her and Robby going to their place. There's no indication in her statement that they're even alive. To me, it sounded simply like it was a place they had owned and she had access to. I find it unlikely that her parents would still be alive bc knowing Shannon, she would have simply dumped Robby with them early on. Plus we never hear Robby make any mention of them which he likely would have. Sure, he has a hard time asking for help but he's got a strong survival instinct and would have at least though about his grandparents if he'd even thought they were an option.

Anyway, it's pretty clear that while Shannon is doing quite well for herself, Robby remains an afterthought to her. From the start, she has been happy to hand Robby off to whoever will take him and that clearly hasn't changed since she got out of rehab. It seems pretty clear that Shannon has gotten to a point where she is ready to just hand Robby off for good and get on with her own life without him. This actually also explains Robby's behavior in s5 bc it must have broken his heart to have his mother, the one person who was a consistent factor in his life and who he always looked out for even though she should have been looking out for him, just hand him off to someone else. It further explains why he'd want to fit in with Johnny so much now. After all, he could've just packed his bags and left when Johnny kept pushing him to make amends with Miguel but if he hadn't had the option of going back to Shannon's, it would make sense why he would try so hard to fit into Johnny's life. Now, I dount Shannon would just tell Robby that she didn't want him or throw him out but Robby's a smart kid and he knows how to read people. He would've picked up on the fact that Shannon didn't want him around just like he picked up on how the only way for him to be accepted into Johnny's life is to get along with Miguel. So basically, both of Robby's parents have trapped Robby into a place where he's forced to ignore his own feelings and behave like a doormat for those around him in order to be accepted. It makes perfect sense why Robby behaved the way he did bc in his mind, if both his parents have made it clear he's not wanted anymore, his only option is to bow down and take whatever mistreatment he gets so that he can at least have a place in their lives. I've said before that Johnny may well "love" Robby in the way that a parent naturally loves their child but he clearly doesn't seem to love him as a person. I believe the same to be true of Shannon. She loves him and clearly provided him with the only affection he'd have got as a child. She clearly does spend some time with him doing fun things like watching movies and YouTube videos. However, she clearly has no interest in being a good mother to him

[rosegoldorigins]

Thank you!!!

Yeah as I was writing I realised they were trying to keep Nine mysterious. They didn't want to reveal who he was but I also agree we had no understanding of him and his motives. My brain immediately went 'well why didn't they just keep him in his cloak and still feed us breadcrumbs?'

(Again probably a time constraint)

Nine didn't have nearly as much time as the Lady Bone Demon. Some misdirection and confusion on what the cloaked figure was and what he was doing could've been nice (since he's born from chaos).

A small scene of him in the underworld or talking to Li Jing would've been so beneficial.

(Oh my god my brain went to- you know how we only ever saw his smile under the cloak? What if he opened his eyes.. and then his snake hair opened their eyes and it leaves the audience bamboozled and freaked out until the reveal where we go "oh that was just his hair" :) Cause most people would think spider or some messed up looking demon but no. It's just off brand medusa XD)

The samadhi fire would've been better as a concept still attached to Mei specifically. Making a third thing (the sprite) was just a bit weird for me. If she had a lapse in control then ran from the team to Red Son that would've been good as character development. She still needs control and it's still a challenge she has to face. I believe she mentioned nightmares? Red Son could've acted irritated at her coming to him only for her to find his research and tease him about how he hadn't let it go.

Red Son then could've had his own character development by going 'well of course I haven't let it go. It's important to me. Do you know how hard I've worked to get a power like that only to find I'd had one all along? *His hand shakes or hovers over his heart* I was just trying to understand it. Understand me.' then of course they could've record scratched that with Mei asking if he had anything that could help her. He manages to come up with something and she gladly takes it. As she's about to leave she says something to him and we get a well rounded scene with answers to the fire but also to their characters.

ink mk was top tier conversation :D

I just looked up Eda connecting to her curse and the interesting thing I noticed was they show two parts becoming one (because the curse wasn't originally a part of her so she was always rejecting it)

The approach lmk took was making the monkey form represent all the parts Mk didn't like about himself (or was scared to face) emotions like fear, desperation and anger. These were always a part of him but not something he wanted to accept (like his monkey form) MK was always the harbinger of chaos. He was always meant to be the sacrificial lamb he just didn't know it.

When he tried to reject his emotions and his monkey side (that he thought too primal and dangerous) he split his identity in two. When he did that he felt like one would over power the other. MK more than anything wanted to be the happy go lucky human. He felt his monkey side went against that and his monkey side therefore wasn't who he was. It was this 'thing' inside of him. Sandy reminded MK that his monkey form was him. MK even said it himself in season 4 "there's nothing mindless about me" (in monkey form) He was always in control. The meditation scene was actually really good because he took ownership of all he'd been rejecting. He was the harbinger of chaos but he got to decide what that meant. Sun Wukong spent all of episode 3 teaching MK that he didn't have to choose from the options he'd been given. He could make his own path. I think that's what really helped him in the finale because he decided to do it his own way. (And to add to that Macaque had been teaching him that a lot sooner with his video game)

Anyways I personally loved the meditation scene and plan to do a breakdown of it later. I just wanted more time with Sandy on screen :(

I think MK's monkey form got activated because it literally represented fear and desperation. With Sandy in trouble MK was as stressed as all his other end of the world events XD

Lol when you think the tags will be short but you write an essay XD Relatable. I accidentally did that on another post 5 minutes ago and now I've saved it to drafts so I can rewrite it as a reblog later :P

You're right they touched on so many amazing things but didn't dig into it :(

You really enjoy them when you analyse and break them down like I'm doing but if you watch them casually you miss them >~< I didn't even realise some of the profound things Wukong and other characters said this season.

back on my s5 ponderings. losing the special means they lost nearly a THIRD of their normal season length. since every season has a special (whether it's before or after), they have 10 11min eps + another 4 11min eps (the 44min special) and you can definitely feel it. that definitely explains why it felt 1. rushed and 2. less immersive with the small moments. oh AND less balanced between angst and silly. because they had the time for it in previous finales!!!! they had time for cool camera angles and flowing hair and ominous lighting!!

[lavendercitizen]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐃ㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Soft!Dark!Nomad!Steve Rogers x fem!reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You've gotten so used to Steve's closeness, when you should be fighting him with tooth and nail. Not anymore.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.4k

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+, Minors DNI, Dark/yandere fic, angst: guilt, mention of kidnapping, mention of Stockholm syndrome, implication of death, hypothermia.

The cold snow is whipping past you, burning your cheeks, and you don't know if you can take another step anymore, surprising yourself every time you manage just one more. Fear is a great motivator. And that's something you did not want to find out, but here you are.

You will yourself not to cry, unsure of how bad it would hurt if the tears would freeze on your face.

Is he still on your tail?

It's been a while since you last heard his shouts and screams; Never have you heard desperation, perhaps fear and a hint of anger, like this. Not once have you felt terror like this, as well as hopelessness and guilt.

And even if it hurt so bad hearing Steve's anguished cries, even if it made you want to turn right around and run into his warm arms, you remind yourself why that is exactly what you're not going to do with a shake of your head.

Days had turned into months in the little cabin, and you knew��� knew that when the feeling of being torn, the shame that came with every touch, every scrape of his lips on your skin, against your mouth, dissipated more and more, that you had let yourself get swallowed by his darkness.

It was like waking up from a dream. You saw him talking to you, his smile so natural, something you wouldn't think twice about admiring then, as if this was normal, but you weren't listening. How could you have allowed yourself to let him mold you like he did. Every little touch, every smile and laugh— how could you.

You let yourself sink into his advances more and more, completely forgetting about escaping and working towards your freedom.

It disgusts you, looking back at it, but you get why you did it. Never have you felt such affection and love from anyone. The attention he gave you was exhilarating and made it easy to shove down the conflict that arose inside you every time. It wasn't right though, it was a sick and twisted love. But it was easy to believe that it was real.

Steve was like a man possessed. Even when you accepted his touch, pushing back less and less— you couldn't pretend like you did not see the dangerous glint, hidden behind his gentle loving eyes.

In another life, you think, we could've been something.

Your body feels like it's on fire and plunged in ice-cold water at the same time. With each minute more, your movement becomes less. It was pretty stupid, running away from him during this weather, and you curse yourself for your terrible timing. This was the one chance you had—Steve trusted you after all this time together, believing you wouldn't run anymore—and now you lost that chance to an emotional outburst. Just great.

How much longer can you go? At this point you're just walking, holding your arms tightly to yourself. Not even the protective jacket you are wearing is helping much. Fear begins to form in the pit of your stomach.

Please. Please- not after I've gotten this far.

Steve had told you once that the next town isn't even that distant from the little cabin the two of you were holed up in, when you worried about food supplies. That was when you were still actively pushing him away, and the mention of civilization had made you light up like a Christmas tree. Obviously he had not been very pleased at your eagerness to leave and quickly shut you down with a reminder that even if you would somehow leave there was no way you'd find the town before he'd find you.

Yeah, that had wiped the spark right out of your eyes. You remember how you ignored him for the rest of the day after that, and he felt terrible.

God, isn't that confusing?

In one moment he would angrily tell you that there was no escape and in the next he would be at your side, an unspoken apology on his lips, with furrowed brows and sad eyes.

No more though, it doesn't matter anymore.

You hope.

But as your small steps slow down even more, and you feel the trembling in your hands starting to ease, your hope dwindles. Even your breathing—shaky a moment ago—is now steady, because it's slowing down. Hypothermia, you muse.

Funny how quick a dream can vanish. Moments ago you were still fantasizing about your arrival in town. Quickly you realize that there would be no arrival.

You can't take it anymore— so tired. You're so tired and exhaustion sweeps over you faster than anticipated. Maybe that's okay. Because even if you would be able to reach the town, that's the first place Steve will go to, and then it would only be a matter of time before he finds you. Even if somehow you manage to get a car, a rental or something (though you doubt that's a thing in a small-town in the middle of nowhere), how far would you get?

So maybe this is the only way. With a small huff you sink down against a big pine tree. The cold instantly seeps into your legs, the only part of your body that wasn't completely numb, and your breath hitches at the feeling.

It's for the better, you try and console yourself in what you know are going to be your last coherent moments. Small is what you'd use to describe yourself right now. Small and abandoned, and all alone.

Regret sinks its claws into you. Would you really rather die than spend another minute in your little bubble of a life with Steve? It's too late now, you can't allow yourself to even think about it.

Painful tears fill your eyes, instantly burning your skin with the unfamiliar warmth, but you can't bring yourself to care. If anything they bring a little bit of feeling back into your frozen body. Then it hurts less and less. Darkness creeps into the edges of your vision, and you close your eyes, ready to fall asleep one last time.

"(Y/N)!"

Everything stops; at least it feels like it. The raging snow becomes insignificant, the cold trivial, but your body seems to respond. A flicker of recognition lights in you.

"Steve?" you croak quietly. You hear your name again this time a little closer, and maybe it was some sort of survival instinct, but then you cry out his name with all that you have left, and by some miracle he hears you over the roaring storm.

Even more tears spill out, you don't know if you're relieved or if this is the worst mistake of your life, but you don't get the chance to ponder on it, because the next thing you know Steve Rogers fills up your vision. Hands are on you, you think he might be attempting to warm your much smaller ones, but you can't be sure— you feel nothing.

"(Y/N), oh my god-

Doll, listen to me, you need to stay awake, you hear me? Goddamnit I can't lose you, baby, please- just please look at me."

The corners of your mouth twitch slightly. If you'd tell your younger self that this would one day be a situation she'd find herself in, she probably would laugh in disbelief.

"(Y/N)," he says your name again.

Ah, yes, he is still here, you're still here too. With a quiet huff you force yourself to look at him— your Stevie, kneeling in front of you, and for the first time you notice the tears slipping down his beautiful face. Oh, Steve.

This is it, you really believe it, you do.

Now, as your resting against the rough bark of the pine tree behind you, and the snow is quietly falling, having eased up, Steve is lightly shaking in front of you with distress, and you're ready to say goodbye. Your hands come up to his face, you press your fingers on either side against his beard. You don't feel them, but that's okay. The darkness is consuming you faster and faster; there's not much time left.

Steve Rogers has torn you from your life, taken you to be a part of his own little world, and now he's watching you slip away. His cries are like a knife into your cold heart, but it's too late now.

"Maybe in another life, Stevie."

[getitinbusan]

The September Session

18+ Jungkook Birthday Smut

The Studio Sessions Finale

A weekend birthday getaway in Jeju with Jungkook. A smut and angst filled finale to the Studio Sessions.

Words: 9075

Warnings: 18+ smut. M/F sex, M/F-F/F oral, unprotected sex, rough sex, swearing, cheating (?) poly relationship

"I don't think you can fit anything else in there. You know you're only going for 2 days right?" Yoongi picked up a pair of your lacy underwear and went for the free throw into your bag. "If I know anything about you and Jungkook, it's that you won't even need clothes."

"Only 2 days? Are you really that unbothered by me leaving?"

"I know how to pick my battles." He undid his zipper and gave you a crooked little smile. "You'll make it up to me."

"Will I now?" It was supposed to sound teasing but your knees were already on the hardwood. Pulling his soft cock out of his jeans, you wrapped your hand around him.

"You're gonna be a good girl and drain my cock before you leave, yeah?"

You tongued his tip as he grew harder twitching in your palm.

"Every last drop." You suctioned him soft and slow not wanting to leave him unfulfilled.

"Fuck, yeah…" his eyes were closed as he pumped himself into your waiting mouth.

Wanting to take it to the bed, you pulled back, but he stopped you by catching your hair. Wrapping his hand securely around it, he held you still and picked up the pace. Granting him full access to your throat, you dropped your drool-covered hands while he used your face to get himself off.

His deep moans and breathy exhales were his tell. His balls bounced off your chin and with the last few aggressive thrusts, he shot his hot load onto your waiting tongue.

"That was good." He tucked himself away into his pants and extended his hand to help you up.

"I've gotta go." He kissed your cheek. "I've got a meeting with that new group in 20 minutes. Have fun okay."

He opened the door and he was gone. No sexual reciprocation, no I love you, just a, "have fun."

It wasn't like him and you were left trying to determine if he was giving you the cold shoulder because he was upset or even worse, if he wasn't upset about you leaving at all.

An abrupt knock on the door broke you out of your thoughts. All worries were forgotten when you opened it to find Jungkook grinning ear to ear.

"Are you ready Noona? The car's gonna be here in 10 minutes."

Grabbing your bag off the bed, he flung it over his shoulder like it was nothing.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. Have you thought about your birthday wish?"

He pulled you in with his free hand. "You've already made it happen. I can't believe I get you all to myself for 2 days."

You pulled the door shut behind you and kissed him. "I'm all about making birthday wishes come true."

The car rolled up the tarmac where the private plane sat in wait. The red-carpeted stairs extended, greeting you like royalty.

"You booked a private flight?"

His nose scrunched in happiness at your surprise. "Nothing but the best for you." He kissed the back of your hand before leading you up the stairs.

"You know this isn't supposed to be about me right?"

"I may have some ulterior motives." He said as he clicked his seatbelt into place.

"Yeah? Is this a mile-high club mission Jungkook?"

Even though your chairs were face to face and his eyes were hidden behind his bucket hat, his smile said it all.

"Trust the plan Noona."

Shortly after takeoff, the intercom dinged. "You may proceed to move around the cabin freely."

Jungkook unfastened his seatbelt and stood to lean over your seat. Grabbing the side lever, he reclined your chair back and moved in for a passionate kiss that immediately made your toes curl in anticipation.

Humming in delight he broke away and knelt on the floor. His fingers dragged delicately up your skirt. "What am I going to find under here, how well do you know what I like?" Pulling your thighs apart he sucked air through his grinning lips. "No panties. You really do know. "

"It's easy." You felt desperate for the pleasure you knew he was capable of inflicting. "We both always want the same thing."

"And what is it we want, Noona? Hmm, tell me."He was staring, lost in the sight of his fingers toying with your sex.

Reaching out you tipped his chin until his eyes locked with yours. God, you wanted to but couldn't.

You had to stop yourself from telling him that what you really wanted was more than 48 hours. You bit your tongue to keep it from spilling the words, "I want to run away with you and never go back." So instead, you went with what was easy and what you thought he wanted to hear. "I think we want to cum at 32,000 feet."

They must have been the words he was expecting because a devilish grin appeared at your response.

"48 hours," He lifted your foot to rest it on the seat." Of nothing," he lifted the other foot. Sliding his hands behind you, he pulled your hips forward. "but pure," He dropped his head and laid a long languid lick up your cunt.

"Pleasure." You finished the sentence not wanting him to use his mouth for anything else let alone words.

His hum of agreement sent shivers of anticipation down your spine. You gazed at his face intently. He liked when you watched. Splaying you open with his fingers, your engorged pink nub stood begging him for attention. You bit your lip trying to hold your noises in, squirming as he teased it with the tip of his tongue drawing slow circles around it.

You pulled at his long hair and begged, "Stop teasing me Kookie."

His mischievous amber eyes glinted under the cabin's bright lights. "It's an hour-long flight, and I forgot my headphones. You're just going to have to be my entertainment."

You hadn't touched each other in a while, and Yoongi had been too preoccupied with work to even notice you were around. Other than giving his pre-departure blow job you'd had no action in at least a week.

You knew if you whined enough he'd give in. "I can't be patient, when my pussy knows what it's been missing, Jungkook."

"You're spoiled," he mumbled into your cunt.

You tried to sit upright, but he held your hips down and stuck 2 fingers inside you.

"I'm spoiled? The last of the sentence trailed off quickly into soft submission under the strokes of his fingertips on your g spot.

"Is that better?" He took delight in knowing you were instant jello.

"I missed you."

His fingers kept a steady pace as he kissed you. Soft, constant, his tongue lingered, his mouth catching your moans.

"I just want you to feel good. Tell me where you want my mouth."

"Please Jungkook, you know what I want."

"Say it, for me, for my birthday." He was pouting in between kisses. "I just want to know that you want me."

"I want you so fucking bad Jungkook. I want you to suck on my tits and finger me until I cum."

He was grinding his cock against the edge of your seat when the plane started shaking.

"Please fasten your seatbelts. We're going through a patch of thermal turbulence that should only last a few minutes."The voice from the cockpit didn't phase either of you.

His free hand pulled your shirt up and your bra down, exposing your hardened nipples just above the lace cups. Grabbing the seatbelt, he clicked you in and pulled the strap tight. "Safety first," he barely muttered before locking on to your breast.

The plane shook violently, heightening every sensation. His fingers and the jolting of the plane had your pussy dripping down his hand. "Jungkook." Your moans were high and you couldn't care less if anybody heard. You were almost done. Watching him rut his hips against the vibration of the seat, eyes closed, as his mouth latched greedily at your chest was sending you into overdrive. "I'm gonna cum, are you gonna cum for me, baby?"

His face screwed up in pleasure and his moan was long and drawn. Seeing him reach his height, you clenched around his fingers as they continued their assault on your sex until you too were satisfied.

"Shit," he stood up revealing the huge wet spot in his jeans. "I don't have a change of clothes in my carry-on."

Undoing your seatbelt, you leaned forward and untucked his t-shirt making sure to kiss his abs along the way. Well, thank god for baggy shirts."

You tucked the last of your clothes inside the drawer. "So what's the first thing on our birthday weekend to-do list?"

"Well, there's parasailing, scuba diving, jet-skiing…." He kept listing.

"You know we can't do it all right? You're going to have to narrow down your choices a little."

"Aish, come on Noona. I brought you because I thought you could keep up."

You stood between his legs as he sat on the bed. "Is that why you brought me, Jungkook? Because we share an affinity for water sports?"

His hands groped your ass before he pulled you down on top of him.

"Amongst other things," he giggled while tickling you. "Jimin's fun to hang out with but he never puts out."

"Oh my god, Jungkook." You rolled your eyes and stood back up. "If we're going to get even one of those things on your list done we'd better leave now." You extended your hand to help him up. "Let's go."

____________________

You were soaked. Jungkook was taking great delight in the jumps he created by running the jet ski in circles over his own wake. Hanging on to his waist tightly you were surprised he could still breathe.

"Are you okay back there?" He stopped the watercraft to check-in. Do you want me to slow down?"

"Did you hear my safe word?" You took a teasing nip at his bare wet tricep."

"Not yet but I'd really like to."

A hot blush crept up your cheeks. It wasn't like Jungkook to suggest anything wild, and it threw you off.

"Are you asking?" You could see his ears turning red and he took a minute to answer.

"You're just hanging on so tight."

You didn't want him to hold back, so you prompted the response. "And…"

"The thought of me in control and you, a little scared, kind of turns me on."

Pressing your face against the expanse of his wet skin, you wondered if he could feel your smile.

"Do you see that island?"

You pointed. "I want you to take me over there."

"Do you want me to go fast?"

"I think we both want you to go fast."

"Then you should hold on."

As he restarted the jet ski your hands made their way back around him but this time they ended up in his shorts. Sneaking past the mesh liner, your fingers gave a little tug on his thick wet pubic hair. His already semi-hard cock came to life in your hand in anticipation of the attention it was about to receive.

There were no trespassing signs posted all around the small island. "I don't know Jungkook, maybe we should just go back and fuck in the room." You said it, not because you meant it, but because he wanted to play.

He pulled the ski up onto the shore. "You can't just tease me like that and make me wait, Noona. Let's go."

He began trekking into the patch of dense greenery, and you wondered if someone actually lived here.

Stopping just under sufficient cover of vegetation, he grabbed you and pulled your bathing suit bottoms down and pushed you against a nearby tree. "You're driving me crazy in this fucking bikini." He tugged his shorts down and needing no prep thrust himself into you.

The bark was rough against your skin, your back scraping with every upward thrust he pumped into you.

"Hello!" Echoed around you. "This is private property."

"Fuck, Jungkook, let's go!"

"I'm not done." He clamped his hand over your mouth. "Shhh, stop moaning so loud or they'll find us."

"I know you're out here I saw you seadoo on the shore." The voice carried across the island getting closer.

"Wrapping your leg around him, you grabbed his hair and moaned into his sweat-beaded neck. "We're gonna get caught, Kookie."

"Let them watch. I'm not stopping until I fill your cunt."

Your back felt raw, but the pleasure and pain of an adrenaline fuck was worth it.

"Are you afraid of someone seeing us? What happened to my brave girl?"

"Are you hurt, do you need help?"

The snapping sound of a twig breaking under a footstep was close. Too close, but also just enough of a thrill to spur on a hot flood of Jungkook's cum deep inside you.

Just as you got your bottoms back up the old man appeared.

"This is private property, are you looking for something?"

"Sorry," Jungkook turned on his charms." Our intake got clogged with some debris so we pulled over to clear it." He pointed at you, "you know women and their small bladders, she always has to go. She got scared when she heard you so we didn't answer. Sorry."

The old man laughed. "I've been married 4O years I know all too well.

You were surprised at Jungkook's ability to spin a story so quickly but more impressed that he was unflappable in his determination to cum at all cost.

Apologizing to the man once again you walked back to the jet ski.

"Shit are you okay?" He ran his fingertips gently down your back.

You stood on your toes and kissed his lips. "Did you hear my safe word?"

"I did not." He grinned.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to try harder next time."

____________________

His eyes rolled and he hummed in enjoyment. "Umm it's so good, it's like a dessert orgasm."

"I can't believe you're replacing me with chocolate." You pulled a pout. "Don't waste yourself on whipped cream Jungkook, I've got bigger plans for pleasure tonight."

"As much as I want to do unspeakable things to you, I'm not ready to go back to the room." He took the last bite and leaned back in his chair, stretching, completely satisfied. "I thought we could go to this place called Factory. Yugyeom told me it was really cool."

"Sounds fun." You couldn't help but grin at how naive his thinking was.

Licking your finger, you rubbed it through the powdered sugar on his plate and popped it in your mouth. "Silly you think we need a bed for me to get you off."

"You're a crazy woman."

"Crazy for you Jungkook."

The club was dark and crowded. He blended in well. The University students, looking to let loose for the weekend, offered a camouflage of anonymity he wasn't usually afforded in public spaces.

"Whiskey?" He took your hand and led you to the bar. "It's your weekend. I'm letting you call the shots." It was too loud to hear the groan you knew accompanied the eye roll at your bad pun but you were satisfied by his smile.

"To us." He clicked your glass.

The liquor went down smooth and warm, causing welcome tingles through your body. Coupled with the wine you'd had with dinner you'd hit the perfect peak of lowered inhibitions and pure bliss.

"Your glowing Noona." He kissed your forehead.

"And why wouldn't I be Kookie? I'm in paradise with my boyfriend. Come dance with me."

You noted the look of satisfaction on his face as he led you to the floor and wrapped his arms around you tightly. Nuzzling into your neck, he swayed with you slowly to a pace that didn't match the fast music of the club. Whether it was the alcohol or the sheer intoxication of longing you couldn't be sure, but you could feel his heart thumping against you.

Stopping completely, his hands cupped your face, and he stared into your eyes.

"What's wrong, Jungkook?"

His cheeks burned hot, and he was fighting his smile from appearing too eager. "Do you think you could call me your boyfriend again?"

You nodded. "I'd really like that."

His lips found yours and time stopped around you. Abandoning all common sense, you were both picturing what your together forever could look like.

He broke away out of breath and slightly overwhelmed.

"I think I'm ready to take you back to the hotel."

____________________

Stretching out naked and satisfied beside him you glanced at the clock, 12:36 am. You turned your head back and placed a kiss on his chest. "Happy birthday Kookie."

A little drunk and a lot in love you felt secure enough to ask. "Are you happy?

He let out a giggle, and you were 100% positive that if the lights were on his dimples would look like deep canyons etched into his cheeks.

"So happy…" his soft snores gave away just how content he was with the moment.

"I love you," you whispered. Maybe he wasn't awake but it counted. A full commitment to your feelings. Eager to reaffirm your words, you drifted off knowing that tomorrow you'd make sure he knew just how happy he made you.

"Where do you think you're sneaking off to?" He grabbed your hand and pulled you back down on top of him.

"I was getting up to call room service so you could have breakfast in bed." You feigned annoyance half-heartedly to getaway.

"Food can wait." He wrapped his arms around you and started kissing your neck. "It's the first time we've spent an entire night together. I really like waking up beside you."

"So you mean you don't want to go on that five-hour hike you booked months ago because you really, really, really wanted to do it?"

Surrendering into his stronghold, you teased him. "Because I'm totally okay just hitting up the spa."

He groaned in hangover.

"Shit. I totally forgot."

"Should I go order us some coffee and food now?"

"Probably."

"Are you going to let go of me?" You squirmed under his arm.

"Hmm...5 more minutes."He giggled, throwing his leg over you.

____________________

Pulling the car up to Mt. Hallasan you both stared at the daunting task before you. "Are you sure you can handle it?" He popped the trunk and grabbed your backpack.

"Do you doubt my abilities, Jeon?"

"Normally, no." He hoisted the bag onto your shoulders. "But this knapsack weighs a ton. Seriously, what's in here?"

"Mind your business and worry about yourself, sir." Raising his hands in apologetic surrender he closed the trunk, "Alright, let's get it!"

Trying to set a steady pace the timing had to work out just right. You couldn't tell if he was getting frustrated or being chivalrous, but at least once every half-hour he asked if you wanted him to take your bag.

"Did you know they don't let anyone climb after 1:30 because they don't want people stuck after sunset?"

"Is that your way of calling me slow, Kookie?" You stopped in your tracks and starred. "I didn't know you were so afraid of breaking the rules. Do you want to turn around and go back?"

"Noona, did you wake up this morning with the intention of being a pain in my ass?"

"That's just rude," you huffed. Arguing was one way to buy some time. "I can't believe you don't even appreciate that I'm out here climbing a fricken mountain for you."

"If you're serious, I'm sorry." He walked closer to you and kissed your cheek.

"It's fine." You walked away smiling. "Now if you'll stop stalling, we can still make the summit by sunset."

He paused, flabbergasted, but decided to stay quiet and move on.

____________________

Finally reaching your destination it was perfect. Sunset from the highest peak in Jeju was in full bloom. Everyone had been moved swiftly along by the trail guides, so it was just you, Jungkook, and the stunning view from 6388 feet above the world.

"Wow, look at this, Noona. We're on top of the world." He took off his backpack and dug for his camera.

"I feel that way whenever I'm with you, mountain or not." You tapped his shoulder and handed him the present you'd been carrying."

His eyes and smile were more dazzling than the sun glinting its way over the horizon. "Is this why you wouldn't let me carry the bag? It's so heavy."

"Open it!"

Tearing the paper off, his jaw dropped. "Is this a Hasselblad?"

You nodded. "Did I do good?"

"This is unbelievable! It's one of the best cameras in the world."

"I did a lot of research."

He was still in shock. "It's too much. I can't possibly accept this."

"Don't be silly Jungkook, It's all ready to go. I had them set it up for you. I was kind of hoping you'd take some pictures for us," You suddenly felt shy. "You know, so we can look back on this and remember how great it was."

"It's unbelievable. You're unbelievable!" All trepidation at accepting the gift forgotten, he began taking pictures.

By the time he was satisfied with the scenery, he turned to focus the lens on you.

His camera crosshairs found you sitting on the ground. A blanket, a bottle of wine and a cupcake with a candle. His smile peeked out from under the camera as he snapped your picture. "All this too?"

"I wish it was more but I could only carry so much." You passed him the bottle, "I couldn't fit cups, I hope you don't mind."

He leaned in for a kiss. "It's perfect. I honestly couldn't dream of a better day. Thank you."

"So are you going to get down here and blow out this candle before it's completely melted?"

He sat on his knees and closed his eyes. Concentration crept over his features until he seemed satisfied enough to blow.

"What could the man who has everything possibly wish for?"

He smiled brightly, "Don't jinx me. You know if I tell you it won't come true."

You wanted it to be about you, and you wanted it to come true so badly that you didn't ask any more questions.

"Come sit with me." He kissed the top of your head once you were settled, secure in his arms. "I should have gotten out of bed sooner. We could have had more time up here."

"You've got a few hours." You said it nonchalantly like you hadn't had to name-drop and beg the parks department.

"They're letting us hike after dark?"

"Sort of? There's an ATV waiting at the Seongpanak shelter we're going to use to get back down the mountain."

"I get to ride an all-terrain down the mountain?"

"Yeah, I thought you'd like that part."

____________________

The air in the room was cold as you stepped from the steamed-up bathroom. "It feels so good to get that hiking dirt off. You should have joined me.

"Rubbing the towel through your wet hair, you realized you were alone.

"Jungkook?" Checking through the suite's other rooms and even opening the hall doorway, he was nowhere to be found.

Glimpsing an out-of-place white shirt on the beach you made your way out the patio doors.

"Jungkook?" If he heard you coming, he didn't turn around.

Sitting behind him in the sand, you wrapped your arms and legs around him and squeezed. "It sure is a beautiful night." Sighing he leaned back to rest his head against you.

"Are you okay?" He didn't answer. He didn't need to. You could see the shimmer of his tears in the moonlight.

"What are we doing, Noona? How do we all come out of this happy?"

You wrapped your arms around him a little tighter.

"I don't know, Kookie. It was never supposed to be like this. I was silly to think I could ever resist your charms."

"Sure blame me."

At least he was grinning from your flattery now.

You ran your fingers through his hair and smiled trying to ease the heaviness.

"Do you see that Star up there?" The waves broke on the shore in the background. "I'm confident it will always lead me in the right direction."

"Like fate?"

"Like fate." You nodded, agreeing. "I'd really like to think that the universe had a reason to bring us together."

"What do you think the reason is?" Freeing himself from your embrace, he asked the question in all seriousness.

"Happiness." You answered like you knew. "Even if we can only have it in small increments."

"I can't believe you just live your life accepting that things will turn out. Does anything scare you Noona?"

It was against your better judgment, but his vulnerability always had a way of breaking down your walls. "Me?" You laughed. Perhaps he didn't know you as well as you thought.

"I'm terrified, Jungkook."

Taking notice of the new sadness in your eyes, he took your hand and held it patiently, waiting for your words.

"One day you're going to find someone who can give you their whole heart." The sobs came out loud and uncontrollably. "Without any compromises, you're going to finally have all the happiness and love you deserve. And I'll be watching it all from the sidelines, wondering if it could have been me."

"It can always be you. But that's your choice to make."

Salty tears fell down your cheeks, and you were too emotional for any words to come out coherently.

"Shhh, it's okay, I've got you." He encompassed you in his arms. "I'm sorry. Let's just enjoy the rest of our time here together." He looked at his watch. "We've still got 11 more hours before we have to give up the fantasy. Let's not think about the real world right now."

Raw, emotional and completely vulnerable. Everything you wanted in a man was right before you.

You sniffed feeling relieved the conversation, at least for now, was over. "11 hours huh? We can have sex at least 5 more times."

He stared with a look that almost bordered on pity. "You know I didn't ask you here just so we could have sex. I'm perfectly happy just getting to spend time with you."

"It's all I know, Jungkook. I don't know how to show people I love them without it." It was a sad truth. "Besides, you're really good at it."

A half-hearted smile graced his lips.

"Can we make an agreement?" He stood and reached to help you up.

"What's that?" You kissed him.

"What if instead of 5 times we just do it once. But properly."

Walking up the shore back to the room you kept stealing glances. His long dark curls and sun-bronzed skin shone in the moonlight accentuating his ethereal beauty. Your heart was happy and broken at the same time.

____________________

Laying naked in bed your heart was racing. You'd never felt nervous with Jungkook before, but this seemed different.

Something about your conversation on the beach had you playing the lyrics to "if I'd known it was the last time" through your head.

The sound of the shower shutting off struck a chord of permanence you weren't ready to face and a tear rolled off your cheek onto the pillow. Quickly wiping it away you didn't want your worry to ruin the last night you had together.

The bathroom door opened and Jungkook came out in a cloud of steam. Towel wrapped around his waist, the water droplets still clinging onto his chest made him look even more beautiful than you thought possible.

He smiled when he noticed your gaze and swiftly moved to untuck the small corner of terry cloth that secured his covering.

His lips were parted and his breath was heavy as he stood before you completely bare. His cock wasn't hard, and his display didn't even seem sexual. It was as if he was showing you his soul and you felt guilty not reciprocating his vulnerability.

Pulling the sheets back you swung your legs off the bed and walked over to where he stood. Face to face you pressed yourself against him, feeling his warmth radiate through you.

"I love you." He whispered.

Kissing down his chest you took your time letting your lips linger over every firm muscle. Licking hot wet stripes over his hardened nipples, his body shivered, goosebumps rising on his skin.

Not a word was spoken, you didn't need them. Everything was being said in a physical language that only the both of you were fluent in.

Your nose skimmed down the soft hairs that pathed his lower abdomen, his cock growing firmer the closer your mouth got to it.

Dropping to your knees, you took him in your hand stroking him reverently. Gorgeous and thick the freshly washed skin of his cock smelt like strawberries and you couldn't resist him a second longer.

Wrapping your lips around him, you sucked soft and slow. God how you wanted this to last all night.

"Noona." Your name slid softly out of his mouth while you suckled his length.

Lingering a bit longer, you wanted to remember how he looked right now. So full of pleasure, the kind only you'd ever given him. You hoped he'd never forget how good you were together.

When you stopped, he looked down and stroked your cheek. You could see in the deep brown sadness behind his eyes that he too was trying to harvest as many memories of the moment as he could.

He held his hand out to help you up and pulled you back in close to him. Tilting his head and displaying a sympathetic smile he didn't break eye contact as he danced with you towards the bed.

Despite the heavy air you couldn't help but giggle as he twirled you, lying you back onto the crisp white hotel sheets. Standing at the edge of the bed his large hands travelled down your thighs and spread them apart. It was his turn to take station on the floor. Starting at the inside of your knee he alternated kisses back and forth giving each leg equal attention until his mouth reached your needy mound.

As much as you wanted to watch, your eyes involuntarily clamped shut in pleasure as his tongue explored you.

A master with his mouth, he knew all of your hot spots. Circling your clit and teasing it to swollen attention he'd switch to slow methodical sucks, lips wrapped around your pink bud giving it head until you squirmed. As soon as you were close, he stiffened his tongue and fucked you with it, darting in and out and in.

As your legs started to shake at the onset of orgasm, a sign that he knew all too well, he revoked his mouth. Climbing on the bed he helped you pull your legs up and lay beside you. His hands travelled over your body slowly committing every one of your curves to his memory. His fingertips on your skin sent white lightening to your brain and his mouth latching onto your nipple made your insides roll like thunder.

"Jungkook…"

"Shhh.." He placed his mouth on yours and your heart panged at how much you missed his lips when they weren't attached to yours. As skilled as he was at everything else tongue-related, you wouldn't trade his kisses for any other sexual act in his repertoire.

Pausing his kiss, he locked his eyes with yours. A silent "are you ready?" passed between you.

With a simple nod, you pulled him back to you. His body moving from beside you to on top of you had your head reeling. The longing for satisfaction was fighting with your desire to drag this on all night.

You surrendered. You needed to stop thinking and to let yourself go to what you knew would be your last time.

Tipping your chin he once again connected to your longing lips while his hands slowly travelled down your thigh. Raising your leg and hooking it over his arm he created the perfect angle for entrance.

Pushing slowly, his girthy length slid into your sex and he paused.

Eyes closed, time stood still. The heavy anticipation hung in the air like a storm cloud.

He kissed you. Kissed you like it was the first time, the last time. His lips not once leaving yours as he softly made love to you.

You couldn't cum and you didn't care. The connection you were feeling with him right now was better than any orgasm.

You knew he was close and your heart was breaking at the realization that this was it. You didn't want him to think he hadn't satisfied you because he had. He had in so many more ways than you ever thought possible. Moaning in unison you cried out one last time as he filled you with a future that wasn't meant for you.

The kisses lingered until the activities of your long day finally defeated his longing to stay awake. His chest rose and fell with what you wished was a peaceful sleep.

Laying tucked under his arm, your cheek rested just over his heartbeat. "I love you too."

You'd both been awake a while but you lay in silence trying to absorb whatever last remnants of the weekend you could. Someone had to speak first, so you took the hit.

"We should probably get out of bed. Our flight leaves in 2 hours."

His fingers intertwined with yours and he lifted your hand to his lips.

"You were wrong on the plane, you know." He sighed and placed a small kiss on your knuckles. "When you said we always want the same thing."

You wiggled out of his embrace and propped yourself on an elbow to interrupt him. "Don't we? I thought we had a really good time this weekend."

"I did, but," he looked like he might cry. "You're lying there thinking about going home, and I'm running schemes through my head about how I can find a way for us to stay."

"Jungkook," you collapsed back into his side. "You know that's not how this works." A tear slipped from your eye and you hoped he wouldn't notice it. "We've had a good couple of days, let's not ruin it with what if's."

"All I have are what if's Noona.

I don't understand why you won't choose me."

You'd never seen him this upset before.

"Yoongi Hyung, he doesn't deserve you. If you were mine, I'd never share you. You'd get everything you needed from me, and you wouldn't have to go anywhere else to find it."

"It's not that simple, Jungkook."

"Well, it seems pretty simple to me. The only reason I can think of is that you don't really love me the way I love you."

Pulling away from him, you tucked your knees into your chest and wrapped your arms around yourself. His words made you feel like a small piece of nothing.

"Please don't ever believe that...I couldn't stand the thought of you not knowing how much I fucking love you."

He didn't move to comfort you, and you could tell this conversation wasn't going to steer easily. He was building a wall around his heart and you could feel it getting further away from you with every passing minute.

"Have you ever thought about what would actually happen if I left Yoongi for you?"

"Yeah, every damn day. We'd be happy, he'd get over it," He snapped defensively.

I'm not talking about you and me, Jungkook. I'm talking about you and him. Do you ever think about that? I can already see that this is fracturing your relationship with him."

He dropped his head in realization, still not looking you in the eye.

"Why are you doing this now?" Crying uncontrollably the words barely got out. "Why can't we just keep going on like this? I thought we were happy? I thought we were in love?"

His breath was shaky,

"I brought you here because I had to see. I pulled out all the stops to woo you and it still wasn't enough."

"So on the plane when you said, "trust the plan" you knew that it was going to end in an ultimatum? That even If I didn't choose you at least you'd get fucked a few more times?"

He stood his ground, face stoic until he finally looked at your tear-stained cheeks. His jaw relaxed and his sadness finally revealed itself.

"I can't be second place. Not with something that matters so much to me. Not with you."

He got out of bed and headed to the shower. "We'd better hurry up. Like you said, we don't want to miss our flight."

Other than formalities the next few hours were mostly empty.

Standing, waiting for your bags, Jungkook finally broke his silence.

"I sent Yoongi a message asking him to come get you. I think I'm gonna spend some time at my condo for a bit."

Perching the Sunglasses that disguised your swollen eyes on the top of your head, you gave it one last try. "I Love you Jungkook. Please don't do this…"

"We both know I'm not enough. What do you want from me?"

You were hyperventilating.

"I don't want to lose you."

He kissed your cheek in a way that seemed like it might be a real goodbye. "We both know there's only one way that can happen."

Grabbing the handle of his suitcase, he turned back a final time. "I had a really great birthday. I guess I'll see you around."

Making your way to the second Suburban in the pickup line, you stood and watched as Jungkook pulled away in the first. How were you going to hide how sad you were from Yoongi?

The driver came around and opened your door to expose the emptiness of the huge van.

"Where's Yoongi?"

"Sorry, we only received an airport pick-up call, ma'am. Will you be going back to the HYBE building today?"

"No, thanks. I don't think that I will."

____________________

Y/N: Hey

MIN: Hey! Sorry I couldn't come to meet you. So much work.

MIN: I hope you had a good time. MIN: Come down to the studio when you get back.

Y/N: I was thinking it would be nice for us to spend some alone time at the condo.

Y/N: Could you come after work? Take a few days off?

MIN: I can't just pick up and leave right now, but I'll see what I can do.

His lack of effort was really beginning to hurt.

Y/N: Whenever you can, I guess.

The blackout curtains were betraying you. The opening between the panels was just wide enough for a ray of sunlight to hit you directly in the face.

You yawned, "Yoon, I think we need to move to an underground bunker." Rolling over you were reminded by the cool smooth sheets that even though the condo was 10 minutes away from work he couldn't be bothered to come home yet again.

You reached for your phone. No messages.

Y/N: Hey babe, where are you? I haven't seen you for days.

The floor was cold as you made your way barefoot across the kitchen to start the coffee.

Still no response. Your stomach felt uneasy, he'd usually at least text. Picking up the phone you dialled.

"Hello?" His voice was raspy like he'd just woken up.

"Hey, I'm a little confused why I'm the only one here." You tried to keep your tone light, despite your aggravation.

"I'm sorry. I was heading out last night and PDog asked for help. He's trying to write for the new girl group and the lead's vocal style isn't meshing with his flow. I sat in on their session to see if I could help."

"Yoongi, are you ever going to take a break?"

"This is why I didn't text you. I don't need a lecture about it. They have a debut date and shit needs to get finished."

He sounded aggravated and if you had to guess he was most likely pushing his hair back, an anxious habit he had recently developed.

"I wish you'd work on us as much as you worked on your music."

"I thought you'd be thrilled that I'm busy. Where are your other boyfriends?"

You were crying again. "You're right Yoongi. I'd have to be absolutely stupid to want to spend any quality time alone with you."

"Fuck, Y/N. I'm sorry. I'm tired, okay?"You could hear him cover his phone but managed to make out a mumbled "I'll meet you downstairs." There was a pause and a door clicking shut. "When I'm done, I'll drive over and we'll spend the rest of the week together OK? I love you."

"You frustrate me to no end, Min Yoongi." You sighed at your own inability to stay angry with him. "I love you too."

____________________

Tired of opening one app after another, you tossed your phone on the couch beside you. You could sit here all day waiting for Yoongi, who probably wasn't going to show up anyway, or you could just head back to the dorms.

Even if he did manage to get away, his mind would still be on work. He'd just be trading one studio for another, and you knew he preferred the new HYBE equipment. At least there you could hang out with whoever was still around.

You were sure Jungkook would be at home. Joon was art hopping in Seoul, and Jin was in Uncle mode helping his brother settle in for their soon-to-be new baby. Everyone else would most likely be hanging around the offices.

Y/N: I'm incredibly bored, Jimin. I'm coming to visit.

Chim: Ohhhh, I'll play with you! I've got a new toy I think you might like.

Y/N: Intrigued 🤔

Chim: I'll be in the lounge. See you in ½ an hour?

Slinging the heavy duffle bag of things, you needed to return to Jungkook over your shoulder, you waited for the elevator. Just as it pinged Jimin came bouncing up the hall.

"What are you doing? Where are you going? I told you I have a surprise!"

"Can I just bring this stuff upstairs first?"

Breaking out the dimples and a cute head tilt he stared with puppy eyes until you agreed to follow.

You hurled the bag into his arms. "Fine but this better be good."

Pushing open the door he raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Ladies first!"

Stepping into the room, you were sure your jaw was almost on the floor. You pushed him backwards and slammed it shut behind you.

"Jimin what the fuck? There's a naked girl in there!"

He frowned at your unexpected reaction. "You don't like your present?"

"I really don't know what's going through your head. Who is she? You know you can't just do this with strangers."

"NDA's!! She's one of the new trainees, if she talks she'll get fired."

You scoffed at him. "No abuse of power there. This is a real dick move, Jimin."

"Well, it's not just me."

Your heart dropped into your stomach. "Who else?"

You watched his Adam's apple bulge in his throat with a hard swallow. He was clearly choosing his words carefully.

"Hobi"

"and?"

"Taehyung and I have already…" His words trailed off

"and?"

"That's it. I swear."

"Not Jungkook?" The thought turned your stomach.

Jimin rolled his eyes "You're kidding right? Jungkook is too whipped for you to even look at anyone else."

You sighed in relief but began to internally ponder why your first reaction was to ask about Jungkook and not Yoongi.

"I just…I don't understand why you'd think this is okay."

"You do crazy stuff with all of us all the time. I thought you'd be impressed."

Plopping onto the bench in the hallway, you were really taken aback.

"Jimin, I thought we were all in this together. A poly relationship doesn't include bringing in strangers. All of you sleeping with her is exposing me without my consent. I'd never do that to any of you."

He sighed like you had missed the point. "This is me asking for your consent. Yoongi thought you’d be down for it and that…"

"That what?" Your jaw was clenched. "You're my best fucking friend, Jimin, you'd better not lie to me."

He stammered in defeat. "That if I could get you and her together it would be easier to have her join in whenever with whoever."

"So Yoongi orchestrated this? Like this is an actual fucking conversation that took place between you?"

He knew he was fucked.

"Please don't tell him you know."

"Oh, I'm not gonna tell him anything."

Anger, blinding rage? Whatever it was motivating you, you pushed open the door and smiled. "Let's do this then."

Standing up she walked towards where you stood. Jimin, clearly surprised by the turn of events, was already hard and smiling while palming himself over his pants.

"What took so long? Jimin said you were always down to fuck." She was bold; it felt as If she was challenging you.

"Just trying to make sure you were screened. Dime a dozen groupie girls like you come riddled with diseases these days."

Grabbing her face tightly in your hand you kissed her hard before directing her backwards. "I'm the one in charge here. This is my game. If you want to play with the big kids, you'd better get back to the couch so I can see if that tongue is good for anything other than talking shit."

She smiled and lay back as Jimin undid his pants. Grinning like a high-school kid having sex for the first time, he stood stroking his cock while you pulled up your skirt and straddled her face.

He walked closer to you waving his dick at your mouth like he was on a fishing expedition.

"I don't think so. If I'm disposable, so are you."

"Can I at least fuck her then?"

You made him wait a bit before you answered. Making sure to play up your pleasure you threw your head back and closed your eyes while moaning. "You know Jimin, I think you made a mistake. I don't know if I'll need any of you if I can have this whenever I want it."

It was a lie. You were so angry you couldn't think straight let alone feel pleasure right now but you wanted it to sting.

You felt her smile slide over your wet pussy and she stuck her tongue in deep for good measure. It pissed you off that she thought she was winning you over.

"Go ahead Jimin, use her."

Excited that his plan was finally working, his demeanour changed back to how he'd met you at the door.

She spread her legs wide for him while he knelt between them on the couch.

"Stop! Where's the condom Jimin?" You scolded him. "You can't just raw dog a rando."

She laughed, and it made your blood boil. "Yoongi never mentioned how controlling you are. No wonder he wants to add me into the mix."

You froze, staring at Jimin. You were livid and couldn't believe any of them would want to have anything to do with her.

Getting up you calmly smoothed your dress back down your legs.

"Oh shit. You didn't know? I figured you pieced it together when you called this morning as I was leaving." She smiled coyly. "Sorry he hasn't been making it home the last few nights."

You thought back to your conversation this morning. He said, "I'll meet you downstairs." The dorms were on the upper levels, the studios on the lower.

You wanted to smack the smug look off of her face but instead walked out slamming the door.

Wiping tears away frantically, the facial recognition on the elevator wasn't processing you through your turmoil. The doors slid open and you ducked inside just as Jimin ran out to stop you.

Standing behind the closed doors you had to decide, Confront or hide? Your finger hovered, shaking as you pressed, Floor 12.

Running quickly you punched the memorized code into the keypad. Turning the handle you slid inside hoping to god that Jungkook wouldn't be there.

Resting your head on the door, you could barely breathe. What were you going to do?

Taking a deep breath you inhaled the comforting scent of Jungkook that permeated the walls of his Golden Closet Studio. You felt so stupid, you'd ruined everything with him and for what?

The knock startled you and you almost gasped revealing your hiding spot. You could hear them in the hall outside.

"She knows he's not here; she probably went back to the condo to get her things."

"I can't believe how badly you fucked this up, Jimin."

Jimin must have alerted Yoongi to the issue. The two men were now seemingly combing the building trying to find you.

"Me? I'm not the one who cheated, don't blame me."

Yoongi's voice was calm instead of sad. Damage control mode, you'd heard it before. It made you question if he was as worried about losing you as he was with protecting his career and the company from this scandal. "I didn't cheat. We only talked about it."

"I don't think Y/N sees that as any different Hyung."

"This is so bad." Hitting what was presumably his head against the door, the thud echoed around the room. "You'd better get your ass into Hitman Bangs office right now and explain to him why his latest girl group suddenly needs a new lead. We can't keep her around if she's going to act so indiscreetly."

"You have to fix this Yoongi. You know how much we all need Noona."

You heard the ding of the elevator and presumed they had both moved on but the quiet was broken when your phone vibrated, shaking the contents of your purse. Seconds later Yoongi's voice cut through the silence, he was leaving you a voicemail.

"I know you're angry. You have every right to be. Can we just talk about it? Give me a chance to explain myself. Tell me where you are, and we'll figure this out okay?"

You'd have to face him sooner or later, so you opened the door.

"Hey."

He looked relieved. "Hey. Can I come in?"

You nodded and held the door wide for him to enter.

"Jungkook's not here?"

You chewed your lip trying to stop yourself from having a complete breakdown. "No, he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I made it pretty clear that I would always choose you and he didn't take that so well."

"Fuck. I'm such an asshole. I had no idea." He couldn't look you in the eye, so he turned away. "How the hell did it come to this Y/N?"

You wanted to be mad, but you couldn't, you knew you were both to blame. Pressing your face into his back your tears left wet marks on his t-shirt. "I think we both know the answer to that."

"I should have let you go. I knew you were happier with him, but my pride didn't want to lose you like that."

"Yoongi, it's not all your fault."

"It is, though. The minute I felt relieved that I didn't have to put as much effort into our relationship anymore is the minute we should have had this conversation."

He turned to face you and wrapped his arms around you.

"I love you, and I need you to know that I didn't cheat on you. I thought about it but only because I was upset that you were with Jungkook."

You tried to interrupt, to defend yourself but he continued.

"I'm not blaming either of you. You two belong together."

You were frustrated that he couldn't have come to this conclusion sooner. "Well unfortunately, it's too late for that. He fucking hates me now."

The keypad beeped, and Jungkook, looking worn and sad, walked in apparently having overheard your last statement.

"I could never hate you Noona."

Your heart flipped in your chest. You didn't think you'd ever get to see him again.

"I owe you an apology Jungkook. I should have stepped aside when I saw how much you loved her."

Putting his hand on Jungkook's shoulder, Yoongi turned and gave you one last smile. "She needs you, go and take care of your girl."

Closing the door behind him, Yoongi took his leave.

"I'm sorry I came up here. I didn't know where else to go." You brushed the tears that had begun falling away with your fingertips. "I'll go."

He grabbed your hand, so you couldn't walk out. "No! There's no way I'm letting you go this time. I've been miserable the last few days without you."

It was his turn to cry. "Jimin sent me a message and said they needed help finding you. I got so scared that id never see you again."

He pulled you into his arms and kept placing small kisses on top of your head while apologies streamed from his lips.

"I'm so sorry. I swear I never had any intention of ending things when we went to Jeju. I didn't want to give you up but everything you said made sense and I didn't want to hurt Yoongi either."

"I love you so much Jungkook." Your body shook while you sobbed in his arms. "I'm so fucking sorry if I hurt you."

Picking you up in a bear hug he walked you to the couch. "I missed you so much, can we just lay here together for a while? I just want to hold you"

"I don't think we should, actually."

He pulled back, a puzzled look across his face.

"I'm so tired of dorm rooms and studios, Jungkook. I think it's time we try out something more permanent, you know? Just us. Like home?"

The sparkle in his eyes returned. "Like our home, because you're mine now?"

Your heart was full. You didn't need or want anything or anyone else.

"I'm all yours."

[agirlwithachakram]

I’m so into your latest Eternals fanfic. I loved everything, especially the way you wrote the people in the cult-it’s a cult; I love Druig but seeing people act like it’s a fun after school club and is hilarious and a little strange-and wondered what you thought Makkari thought about it? I know she goes there a few times in your fic but she doesn’t speak much on what Druig is doing. Which is. A Lot. Most fics just have her say it’s bad and let her being uncomfortable become the reason she stays away for 500 years but I prefer your interpretation of her having her own stuff to deal with as a primary motivator for why she doesn’t just hand around or pop in with the others all the time. Also, I know you said writing something from Makakri’s POV would be harder because there’s a lot more digging to be done but if you have any free floating thoughts you wanna share I’m all ears! I found her to be the most interesting character and wanted to just watch hours of what she was up to since they split up and the immediate after of the Emergence.

Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it.

This is a great question, because I sort of had the opinion that she actually DOESN'T object strongly to his actions, but I didn't really think through why. So thank you for the prompt, now I have!

I would say, my take on Makkari's view of Druig's, uh, choices is that she was there in Tenochtitlan when Ajak said not to stop them committing violence against each other--and she disobeyed that order by saving a child from the battle. She was primed and ready to change the way they did things.

Druig is her favorite person. I think when she tells him to "stay strong," she isn't saying, "Give up, never do anything," but something more along the lines of, we have options, open defiance may not be the answer, I know you're in pain, we're going to survive this.

She likes humans, but I think she sees them more like Druig does, rather than like Sersi and Sprite and Phastos do. She loves their creations, but she hoards them herself as a self-appointed secret museum curator when she is not even from Earth. She says she doesn't want them to destroy their own creations, but she doesn't work with humans to preserve these artifacts. Maybe she struggles to connect! I don't know why she does it, but to me it reads like she feels separate from them.

So my read is that she doesn't object to Druig abducting and "shepherding" these humans in the ways the others do. She might not have suggested it herself, or tried to talk him out of it at a less fraught moment, but I think she would believe, well, he's messy and complicated and sad, but he'd never hurt them, he's not using them as puppets for his own amusement, I know him well enough to know that. It's better for them to survive the slaughter and be able to have children, to tell Cortez to get fucked, to live a good life, because the alternative was genocide. And all the years following, well, they're a community now, and he seems okay.

One of the other reasons I read it this way is because, well, if your bestie does this, and you think it's bad and icky and wrong to the point of really wanting him to stop, you're not gonna fall straight into his arms the day he calls it quits after five hundred years of objectionable behavior!

Re: cult, obviously I don't call it that in my fic because Druig wouldn't call it that, but I'm sorta ambivalent about using the term. Not to say it's wrong! it's just hard to compare to real cults because he kind of really is a god, haha. There are a lot of ways it doesn't fit that definition, because he's not super charismatic--I mean, those eyes go a long way but his appeal is mainly because he's sad and hot, not charming and manipulative--he's not a grifter, he's literally just, you people will kill each other (or one side will kill the other) left to your own devices, I can't find my place in the world, so this is what it's going to be, stopping you people specifically from doing that, and you have to let me, because I can make you do what I want. The other reason I think he's not exactly a cult leader is because he isn't human at all and doesn't think like humans, and he's not scamming them. All he's getting out of this is soothing himself. Well, maybe that's a scam. Dealer's choice, I guess.

I have more thoughts about Makkari in this post! and the tags. I remember saying I had to dig at her but I don't remember where I said that lol. Clearly I did end up digging just for the fic. I discovered it's kinda hard to write a telepath's girlfriend without having some ideas about her?

Thank you so much for writing! I'm so excited to talk about my headcanons.

[the-ghost-king]

Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)