#we just plan out a couple weeks in advance so people have the whole month of nov and dec to work on their stuff

[charrfie]

Second year me n my friends are doing secret santa and I'm so excited for it :^3

[lucimaaie]

honeymoon phase ✧.* spiderwoman au

pairings - ellie williams x fem!reader

summary - the honeymoon phase of you and ellie's relationship doesn't go exactly as planned.

warnings - fluff and angst, im so sorry in advance, srry if the pacing is bad, this is my first time writing a series this long, emotional whiplash

playlist | spidey masterlist

Months went by and things had been going good, Spider-woman related duties aside. Ellie had made things up to you and ironically put herself in many more situations to develop a habit of apologizing. But you were her girlfriend now and she didn’t plan on letting that go for anything.   

"Don't forget to smile. My mom says people like that, even if it's not real. More a formality thing." You folded the cuffs of Ellie's dress shirt. Not the thing she wanted to wear, but it was the only thing you could both agree on. "And make yourself sound good. None of those self-deprecating jokes-"

"Of course not." She tried not to cheese as she watched you fuss over her. You had a folder full of her resumes tucked under her other arm. All part of your self declared project of helping her get ready for an internship interview. Another one, minus the lizard-obsessed scientist and power-granting spiders. Things had been going well in her life for a while, so she decided it was time.

"And no sarcasm," You held out a finger. "I'm serious."

"So am I," Ellie pretended to bite your finger, smiling at your wounded pout. "I'll nail it, bug. Promise." She kissed your hand. Ugh, had she walked past you two on the street months ago, she'd be disgusted. She was always so hesitant to hang up or even walk away from you, like those couples in the honeymoon phase. Well, that was you now wasn't it?

"You better. Hey, wait." You tugged her hand, leading her to a corner of the fancy lobby. Your lips on hers were unexpected but not unwelcome. Ellie almost forget where she was until you pulled away. "That was too quick,"

"Oh, shush. It's just good luck," You fixed her collar. “I’m not gonna makeout with you right here.”

“Not that I’m opposed anyway—“

"Ellie Williams?" The receptionist called out. Ellie perked up, looking from you to her. "I- That's me."

"Go!" You whispered.

Ellie wiped her clammy hands on her pants as she walked into the office room, but not without sparing a sheepish glance at you. The whole interview was like that. She was being asked questions and the whole time she thought of you. She hoped it didn't make her seem absentminded but at the same time, she was just counting the minutes until she could hear you talking her ear off. Ugh, honeymoon phase.

The day she found out she got it, you were already ready with a cake that either gonna be to celebrate or to comfort her. She almost felt normal balancing school, an internship, and a relationship, minus crimefighting.

Maybe that's why she was so surprised now. “You want me to have dinner with your family?” Ellie’s fingers froze in drawing patterns on your arm. She sat up just enough to look down at your face. “That’s including your dad?”

“What kind of question is that? Yes!” You sat up along with her.

“And you wanna prep, weeks in advance?”

“That’s what I said.” Ellie could’ve laughed at the serious yet innocent expression on your face. As if you weren’t asking her to have dinner with your dad who despised her. Well, not her but her in the mask. Maybe she’d earned a sliver of respect after saving you from a lizard, but still. “Do you think it’s too fast? We can shelve it—“

“Baby..”

“Ellie..” You grabbed both her hands, begging with your eyes.

“Just a few flashcards and no-no topics.”

“Which is every topic.” Ellie flopped back on the bed dramatically. Her heart jumped as you curled up to her almost immediately. She’d never get used to the affection she shared with you. “He’s gonna hate me.”

“Well, I like you. So, it doesn’t matter.”

Damn you. She couldn’t argue with that. "I like you too," She said softly, intertwining your hands. She pressed her lips to the back of your hand.

“So..”

“Shit, fine. A few flashcards.” She was absolutely whipped, eyes loving as you ran off to get out the flashcards she knew you’d already made. She was cheesing as she watched you navigate her room like it was yours too. "Oh, color-coded too. How considerate." She said dryly, eyeing the colorful cards in your hands.

"I try my best,"

"Yeah, yeah. Quiz me, already.” She sat up against the headboard. Her arms automatically opened and closed around you as you sat almost on her lap. She let her head rest on your shoulder. She hadn't even noticed her leg moving until you reached out to stop its movement.

"Are you nervous?" You turned your head to look at her.

Ellie frowned, thinking you were asking her was she nervous around you. "No," She stared at you as long as you stared at her. Her face fell when she realized. "No," She said, scoffing. You said nothing, simply looking at her with a grin. "I'm not,”

"Aw," You pushed out your bottom lip. "You are, it's okay."

“I’m not scared of your dad.” She took the flashcards from your hands and shuffled them in her hands.

“I never said you were scared of my dad. Are you?”

"I'm gonna-"

"What? What? You're gonna what?" You moved from her lap to kneel on the bed in front of her.

Ellie tossed the flashcards onto the nightstand just to focus on you. "You're on extremely thin ice," Her hands reached out to grab your hips, scooting to be closer to you. She hadn't been aware of hiding her strength when she pulled you closer to her without a second thought.

"Oof," You said out of surprise. Now, Ellie was the one grinning watching you squirm to find the right position. When you were satisfied, she let her hand rest on your stomach and her head rest on yours. It was when she let out a content sigh that you spoke. "How thin?"

"You know what?" Her fingers moved to tickle you before the hairs of her neck stood up. The sirens that went by the window only proved her right. Her eyes shut in frustration. She had to go. It was her job. "I've gotta..take out the trash real quick," It almost hurt to move you off her. "I'll be right back."

"What- Ellie!" She was already out the door.

The reasonable time for taking out the trash had been passed two hours ago. That's how long it took for her to stop the robbery, wrap everything up, and realize she had been shot herself. And of course it was an alien gun, four bozos inexplicably got their hands on.

She fell onto the fire escape when she landed, holding her side. The pulsing in her side had made her dizzy. She wished she got back to when adrenaline masked the pain. She hadn't even thought to knock on the window that she was leaning on. It wasn't her window. It was yours. Even in her painful haze, she knew the way to you.

She ripped off her mask and tried to turn around to knock. It brought of gasp from her, making her stop for a moment. "Shit," She winced, leaning her head against the window as she tried to stop blood from seeping into her suit.

Ellie flinched as the window behind her opened. She turned around despite the pain. God, was she happy to see you. "Hi, bug." She said weakly.

You were frozen and overwhelmed with the situation in front of you. Ellie in a spider-woman suit and hurt and smiling—or trying to—up at you like it was no biggie. She was shot. Someone hurt her and she was here in front of you. Once you snapped out of it, you wasted no time in helping her in.

Ellie tried to be conscious of your numerous roommates but moving was a literal pain in her side. "Mm-mm, not on your bed. I don't wanna mess up your sheets," She mumbled.

"Ellie, I don't give a shit about my sheets right now." You blurted, voice shaky with fear. You laid her up against your pillows and assessed the damage. It hadn't even processed that she was Spider-woman. It made everything make sense. The leaving, her horrible excuses, the strength, all of it. But that didn't matter right now. You'd be damned if she died in this suit. "We have to..get this off, okay? Before I take you to the hospital."

"Mm-mm," She shook her head, hand tight on her side. Blood was still seeping out of from the edges of her fingertips, but her hand was slowing the flow at least.

"What do you mean no?" You asked, already roaming your room for a change of clothes for her. They'd be soiled, anyway.

"They'll ask who did it, how.." Tears pricked her eyes as she exhaustion and pain started to cloud her vision. Plus, her judgement. "Baby?" She was quiet.

You couldn't hear her, between your racing thoughts and heart. Everything was starting to become blurry as you thought about the fucked up situation you were in. You were just cuddling with her earlier today. How the hell-

She given all her energy to repeat your name louder. That was all she could get out before her view went dark and her consciousness with it. She couldn't feel your hands, holding her face up. "Ellie?" Your tears were warm down your face. "Come on, you have to stay awake. For..for me. Please?" Gentle slaps to her cheek did nothing.

You pulled back to look at her. Blood was smeared on her forehead from wiping the cold sweat off. Nausea set in as your attempts to wake her did nothing. "No, no." You leaned your head against her. "El, please." You swiped your thumb over her hand, just wanting to feel something. Anything.

"Ellie? Please, wake up so I can help you." You cried, clutching onto her hand for dear life. Your fingers were wrapped her whole hand as if that would bring her back to consciousness.

That when you felt it. A weak pulse that in that moment became your saving grace. You pulled back, hands tugging her suit down from her neck to feel the skin there. Two fingers right under chin told you she was still alive. Fighting, but still alive.

You had ran around like a madman searching for gauze, towels, anything google said was needed. You had no idea what you were doing and that feeling only made everything worse. Because what were you gonna do if your girlfriend died in front of you because you couldn't save her. She had saved who knows how many people in the city and you and you had no idea how to help her.

The bullet wasn't typical. It glowed an electric blue in a metal bowl you'd stolen from the kitchen. The constant pulsing of light in the corner of your eye didn't help your uncertainty. A long look at your bloodied hands and the subsequent wave of nausea made the decision for you.

By the time, the ambulance got there you had already dissociated. Your grip on Ellie's limp hand was just at tight as before. The faint beat of her pulse was all you could focus on.

You flinched when hands were placed on your shoulders. You looked up to see your dad's face etched with concern. You were limp in his embrace as you turned your head to look at her. You had somehow gotten her in an outfit they wouldn't arrest her for being in and wrapped her side tight enough to stop bleeding, but her eyes were still closed.

"Mm, no-" You pushed your dad away at the sight of her being strapped onto a stretcher. "I'm going with her."

"I think you should stay here." His hand was gentle, rubbing circles on your back. The purpose was nice but none of it matter if she was out of your sight, still hurting.

"She's my girlfriend and I'm going with her, okay?" You said, in an attempt to sound strong. "I love her, okay? I love her." You nearly choked on tears. Still, you refused the comfort of your dad and the worried looks of your roommates hanging outside the door. "You wanna keep her from me? Huh?" Everyone knew you were on the edge of breaking down. It only helped strengthen your case. The man finally relented, guiding you to the fast-working paramedics.

So much for the honeymoon phase.

thank you for reading!

[boldlyvoid]

Love Story

Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Summary: About a week into knowing her, Spencer knew he wanted to marry her one day. So, for her birthday, at The Eras Tour, he kneels to the ground and pulls out a ring...

Warnings: allusions to sex, stupid couple fights, Spencer spoiling her, roadtrips, food and drink mention, talks of the future (future kids) proposals.

a/n: this fic is for my best friend in the whole worlds birthday. @reidsbookclub, i love you, i hope you have the best time at your concert tonight <3

Word Count: 6k

Set in the Sweet Nothing Universe

He’s been in Reno for 3 months and dating Y/N for 3 months now, too. 

They practically live together now that it’s summer vacation for her. She took on some kids for tutoring, and she sees them a few hours a week whenever they have time. She mostly goes to their houses or meets them at the public library, which is right next door to his work. She brings him in a coffee or a snack whenever she’s in town, they have lunches together and she even stays a little longer in town so she can drive him home afterwards. 

It’s been wonderful. 

Everyone at work knows her, they call her Mrs. Reid as a joke and she thinks it's cute… Spencer, on the other hand, wishes she was his wife so, so bad. It’s way too early to ask her, even if he knows in his heart that she’s the one for him. So he’s waiting. He’s not sure how long he’ll wait. He doesn’t even know if she wants to get married one day. He still has some things to learn about her. 

Her birthday is coming up, soon, he knows that much. He actually learned about her birthday when Penelope was first telling him all about her. August 4th, making her a Leo, the lion sign, even though she’s as gentle as a flower. 

They haven’t planned anything for her birthday yet, it's still a couple of weeks away. He knows she’s told her kids that she’ll be busy from the 3rd to the 6th, taking 4 days just to herself, she wasn’t planning on doing anything. Spencer wants to treat her to something so bad. Be it a nice dinner, a gift she wants or a trip somewhere. So he takes those 4 days off too, he books it in advance with his boss, it’s approved and now he just has to plan something. 

During one of his lunch breaks that she isn’t sitting in on, he takes out his phone and calls up Penelope. Having known Y/N longer, she’s the perfect person to discuss ideas with. 

“Spencer my lovely! What are you doing calling me at 3pm on a weekday?” She answers full of cheer. 

“Y/N’s birthday is coming up, I need your expert advice on what to get her,” he heads right into it, skipping all the niceties, he only cares about her. 

“Taylor Swift tickets, duh!” 

“I tried that months ago, they sold out way too fast,” he complains. “We missed the Vegas show 'cause I obviously didn’t know her in March, all she has left are the Seattle and California shows… but again, they’re all sold out and the resale tickets are insane.” 

“Hey, six grand for 2 tickets with the love of your life is so worth it,” Penelope teases. “I might have a connection to the Inglewood show… maybe I can see if they have any last-minute tickets?” 

“How do you have a ticket connection?” 

“My brother's wife works for Ticketmaster, she said they save some tickets for important people until the last minute and if they’re not taken, they get released to the general public and you can get better deals if you call Ticketmaster instead of going online,” she explains. “I’ll give her a call, I’ll see what she can do.” 

“Okay, call me back when you know more?” 

“Will do, Spence-roo,” she says before hanging up, making him smile. 

—

He goes home to Y/N’s apartment that night, they have a home-cooked meal together and they settle down on the couch to watch something on TV and just relax for the rest of the night. 

She’s cuddled into Spencer’s side watching TikTok on her phone. She scrolled and scrolled and scrolled, barely watching anything for more than 30 seconds and then she stops on one. Spencer can hear the music and the cheering, it’s a tour video. He peeks over to it, watching as someone proposed to their girlfriend in the middle of Love Story. 

She likes it, opens the comments and congratulated them. The next words out of his mouth are barely in his control. They just tumble out. 

“Do you ever think about getting married?” 

She smiles up at him, “To you? Absolutely.” 

He pulls her in for a kiss. She locks her phone and tosses it to the side so she can climb into his lap and kiss him some more. His hands migrate to her hips, and she runs her fingers through his ever-growing hair. Making out with her on the couch, she lightly grinds against him, he hums into the kiss, breaking it to kiss her jaw along to her ear. 

“I’d want to marry you too…” 

She cups his face, staring him down, “Ask me whenever you’re ready.” 

“It’s not too soon?” 

She shakes her head, “No… I mean, people will probably think you knocked me up because of how fast we’ve moved but, it’s been 3 months. We know everything about each other, we sleep beside each other every single night, and I never want to break up with you. The next logical move would be to get married.” 

He steals another kiss, “I think,” he kisses her again on her jaw again, making his way down her neck, “You’re right.” 

She smiles, letting him go down to her boobs, “about people thinking you got me knocked up?” 

He laughs against her, “I mean, we fuck so often—

“No, don’t even joke,” she pulls his attention back to her. “You can’t get me pregnant just randomly, I don’t have enough money to pay for my substitute. You’d have to knock me up so I can have the baby in the summer…” 

He laughs, “You’re not serious, right?” 

“I’m completely serious. I don’t get maternity leave, I have to have summer babies if I want to keep my job.” 

“I have money,” he reminds her. “If we get married it becomes our money, you’d never have to worry about anything ever again.” 

She settles slightly, her shoulders drop again and she stares at him so softly, “I’d still worry, you know me.” 

He kisses her again, reaching up to brush her hair back, “I’m going to take care of you for the rest of your life… and if we ever had kids, you know I’d do the same for them.” 

“Do you want kids, like genuinely?” She asks. “Cause I know you love Henry and you said that you thought about having them with Maeve but—

“I want you to have my babies… whenever you’re ready,” he tosses the phrase back to her. 

That does it, she dives back in for another kiss, heating it up tenfold, he cradles her head and back, leaning down against the couch so he can hover over her. Working the button on her jeans open, he starts to tug on them when his phone rings. He wants to just let it ring, but it’s Penelope's ringtone. He hasn’t changed it, no matter how long he hasn’t worked with her, it’s still the same thing. 

“Hold on,” he whispers, trying to pull away. 

“Leave it,” she tugs him back in. She gets a few more kisses in and then he pulls back further. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry, I have to take this,” he reaches out to grab his phone off the coffee table and walks out of the apartment to take the call. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, sorry, I know it’s late,” Penelope answers. “But I have good news. We were able to pull some strings and I got you 2 floor tickets for the 4th.” 

“No way?” He’s gobsmacked. 

“Way!! I gave her your information, the tickets are in your name and they’re being mailed to you so you’ll have physical tickets. You can just pay me back.” 

“What was the damage?” 

“they were $1800 each…” 

“That’s a lot better than the resale price,” he’s so glad. “Thank you, Penny, really, she’s going to love this.” 

“Hey, she was my friend first, I’d do anything for her,” Penny teases. “Now go back to hanging out with her, I’ll talk to you later, okay?” 

“thank you, we love you,” he reminds her. 

“I love you too!” And then she’s gone. 

He heads back inside and she’s no longer on the couch. The tv is off, all the lights are out, and she’s retreated back to the bedroom. He knocks before he enters, “Hey… sorry about that.” 

“It’s fine,” she says, clearly a bit upset. “I get it, works more important that me sometimes.” 

“No, no it’s not… and that wasn’t work.” 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Cause it doesn’t.” 

He timidly walks towards her, “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out on you like that. I know. But it was important… it’s for your birthday, that’s all I can say.” 

She bites back a smile, looking him dead in the eyes. “Really?” 

He nods, “You still have from the 3rd to the 6th off, right?” 

She nods, “I do… why?” 

“I’ll tell you more when the day gets closer, just, don’t plan anything, I want to make this special. This is our first birthday together, I want to celebrate you.” 

“Okay, you’re forgiven,” she gives in, she rushes over to him and tosses her arms around his neck. “But next time it rings and you’re about to go down on me, it can wait.” 

“It definitely can,” he agrees, picking her up, he tosses her onto the bed. “Let me make it up to you.” 

—

She watches the era’s tour live streams on TikTok every weekend, she favourites outfits that she’d want to wear and she tells Spencer all about the surprise songs that she’d want to hear live one day. 

What she doesn’t know is that Spencer has memorized everything she’s said and he’s been using it to his advantage. He’s found her Pinterest board with eras tour dream outfits, and he’s made a playlist of her favourite songs so he’ll be able to sing along no matter what surprise songs happen. And he’s started to buy tour outfits for himself too. 

He puts a lot of work into her tour outfit, too. It’s midnights themed, he got her a denim jacket with the back panel cut out and replaced with a starry lace pattern. He bought iron on paper and printed out her favourite lyrics to iron onto the arms and put stars on a pair of dark blue Converse. He’s even been making friendship bracelets while on his lunch break at work. He just hasn’t been able to decide on what to get her to wear under the jacket and with the shoes. Nothing seems to be perfect enough. 

He’s walking home from work one night when he passes a window display full of sparkly dresses. He just doesn’t want to get her the wrong size. So he has the bright idea to take one of Y/N's dresses with him to the store to compare sizes. Trying to steal one of her dresses… that’s going to be difficult. 

“I have a question for you,” he asks that night at dinner. “But you can’t ask any follow-up questions or anything, okay?” 

“Alright..?” 

“Can I have one of your dresses to compare to a dress I want to buy you for your birthday?” 

She swoons, “Yeah… or you could take my measurements?” 

“Either way, I just want to make sure it fits.” 

And so that night she gives him one of her favourite dresses. She tells him the size she prefers in different fabrics and he makes a mental note of every single thing she says. 

-

The next day, he brings the dress to work with him, people want to ask questions but they don’t. He makes it through the day, walks out of work with the dress and right into the store he saw yesterday. 

The shop owner clocks him right away, noticing the dress, she thinks he’s making a return. 

“Hi, how can I help you?” 

“I’m surprising my girlfriend with Taylor Swift tickets for her birthday and I’m trying to plan her outfit, too, and the dress in the window is perfect! I brought in one of her other dresses, just to compare sizing so I get it right,” he explains. 

“Oh my god, aren’t you the dream boyfriend?” She teases. “Can I see that?” 

He places it on the counter for her, she takes a look at the tag and holds it up, “I think I have the window dress in this size… what era are you going for?” 

“I made her a jacket in the Midnights aesthetic and her shoes are evermore,” he shares. “The dress in the window is kinda mirrorball-esque, I like it.” 

“You know your shit,” she can’t believe it. “Do you have an outfit picked out?” 

He shakes his head. “No, I can’t decide if I want to do fearless or lover…”

“You could do both, get a puffy Romeo shirt and some pink pants, that would be cute?” 

“Yeah, yeah I like that idea… you know the Lover album cover, the heart she has around her eye? How would I do that?” He asks, he hasn’t had someone to talk to about any of this, so he’s taking a chance and asking everything. 

She’s really helpful, she’s able to get him the dress in the right size, show him where he can get adhesive sparkles for the face, helps him plan his own outfit and even get some accessories too. He spends a fair bit of money in her store and he thanks her. 

“I’m going to bring her back here after the tour, maybe she can get her engagement party dress here,” he suggests. 

“Wait, are you going to ask her to marry you at the show?” 

He nods, “During love story.” 

“She’s one lucky girl,” the shop owner swoons again. She’s overjoyed for them. “If you bring her back here for that I’ll give you a discount, that’s the sweetest thing in the world. I really hope she says yes.” 

“Me too.” 

—

He stole a piece of her costume jewelry when she wasn’t looking, a ring she typically wears on her right ring finger and brings it with him to all the jewelry shops he goes to. Finding a ring that feels like Y/N is hard. He wants it to be perfect, he wants it to be big and pretty and something she’ll show off to everyone. He wants it to be a ring that will stay in style for the next 50 years, he wants it to last. 

He’s looked at a million styles, every colour and cut imaginable… but nothing seems right. He knows the kind of rings she likes from her Pinterest, but even they don’t seem to fit what he imagines for them. This ring is supposed to symbolize their love and their relationship. It has to be perfect. 

He finds the ring on Etsy of all places. It was his last chance to get a ring. There were only 2 weeks until her birthday and he had to make sure the ring was in his possession before they took their trip to LA. 

The ring comes in two parts, one ring for the engagement and the other for the wedding. The wedding band perfectly encompasses the engagement ring, making the main ring look like it has little leaves coming out from around it. 

He gets them in white gold, the main stone is a man-made, oval-shaped diamond and the stones around it are man-made opal, 4 on each side to be exact, shaped like little diamonds. The wedding band also has man-made stones, in green. Together, they look perfect. He has them expedited, he pays the artist top dollar to make sure they’re at his house by August 1st and he prays they make it. 

—

She picks him up after work on July 31st and when they arrive at his house, there’s a package sitting on his front step. Part of him is furious that they just left it, they didn’t leave a drop-off notice and take it back to the UPS store for safekeeping, the rest of him is relieved that it made it. Y/N on the other hand, is nosey. She wants to know what he ordered. She’s curious as to why he didn’t want to open it in front of her, but she doesn’t bring it up again once he hides it in his room. 

They’re in the middle of cooking dinner when she wraps her arms around him, stands on her tip-toes and rests her head on his shoulder to watch him stir around the pan. “Can I ask a question about my birthday?” She pries slightly. 

“Depends on the question.” 

“Do I have to pack a bag or anything?” She asks the first question. 

“Yeah… I got us an Airbnb for the few days we’re taking off work,” he explains, not giving away too much.

“Okay, and what should I pack?” 

“Underwear, pyjamas, comfy clothes,” he lists off a few things. “Makeup and whatever you want to do with your hair… I’m going to tell you what’s happening the day of, you’ll have a few hours to plan for each event.” 

“Each event?” She picks that out. 

He just nods, “You’ll find out more later.” 

“Fine,” she sighs, resting her chest against his back now, she holds him tighter. “I’m going to go all out for your birthday too, you know.” 

“I know… we’re kind of obsessed with each other,” he teases. 

“I think it’s called love,” she reminds him. 

“You’re right… I do love you a lot,” he says as he spins around in her grip and hugs her close, kissing her neck gently. “I love you so much.” 

She hums happily, “I love you too, sneaky man. It’s killing me that I don’t know what’s happening but I trust you.” 

“Good,” he pulls back and cups her cheek. “How would you feel leaving late on the 2nd instead of early on the 3rd?” 

“We can do that, I know you prefer driving at night,” she knows him well. “We can pack after work and leave once we’re done.” 

“I will be packed the day before,” he teases. “I’m not a last-minute man.” 

“Oh, I know, you don’t do anything lightly, but I might need help packing,” she reminds him. “You can help me pick out accessories and shoes to match whatever you got me.” 

“You think I didn't get you shoes and accessories? Have you seen me?” He teases, that’s one thing she loves about him. He’s always matching.

She just laughs, “Of course you did.” 

—

Spencer walks from his apartment to hers with 2 suitcases, one for his own things and one just for their eras tour outfits. He has her second key fob, so he unlocks her car when he arrives and puts his things in the backseat and heads up to her apartment. He knocks once but ultimately lets himself in. “Babe?” 

“Bedroom!” She calls back, letting him know where she is. 

“Hey…” 

“So I’ve played out a bunch of outfits, what ones will be good for what you have planned?” 

“Anything is good, I have your outfit for the main event planned, the rests are dinners, brunches and us driving to and from California.” 

“We’re going to California?” She can’t believe it… but then she clues in. “Oh my god, Spencer, why are we going to California?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, you tell me?” 

“I’m going to lose my mind if we’re doing what I think we’re doing,” she explains, rushing to his side, she places her hands on his shoulders, “I’m going to go nuts.” 

“I have no idea what you’re referring to…” 

She can’t believe him, she just hugs him and holds him there, “Oh, you’re so cute when you try to lie to me, I love you so much.” 

“I love you,” he hugs her back, kissing the top of her head. “Now, hurry up and pack, we can check into the Airbnb after 10pm tonight, if we leave now we could be there by midnight?” 

And so they pack her up, they check the apartment to make sure everything is off and all the widows are closed and they head out. She locks the door, he brings her suitcase down to the car and she lets him drive. He’s a lot more comfortable on the road at night, he takes them out of Reno, down Highway 695 towards Carson City. They see Bridgeport, Willow Springs, Mammoth and Crowley Lake, Big Pine, Independence, Long Pine and then they stop for gas and a snack. He drives from Long Pine to Ridgecrest and then they pass through Mojave around 11:30. 

They’re in the home stretch now. She knows exactly what’s happening when they go through Santa Clara.  She can see on their GPS that by taking the 405 south they’ll end up in Inglewood in just a few minutes. 

He got them a cute little Airbnb just a stone's throw from the stadium, they’d be able to walk to and from if they wanted to. Once he parks outside of it, she turns to him with tears in her eyes. “How did you manage to do this?” 

“Penelope,” he says with a smile. “She knows someone at Ticketmaster, they got me really good tickets for the 4th. I bought you an outfit, I made myself one, too… I know how badly you wanted to see her so I made it happen.” 

“You really are the man of my dreams,” she swoons. “Thank you.” 

“I’d do anything for you,” he reminds her. Meaning every word. 

“I know… now let’s get all our shit inside so I can give you a proper thank you.” 

—

They spend their first day there just looking around. They have brunch at a cute little spot she’s always wanted to try, they visit the National History Museum and Exposition Park. It’s a lovely day where they just get to hold hands and be together. They order dinner to their Airbnb and eat while watching TV and then they spend another night in bed together. It’s perfect. 

When they wake up on the 4th, Spencer smothers her in kisses and wishes her a happy birthday… they don’t leave the bed for a while after that. 

He orders her breakfast and while they’re waiting for it, he shows her the outfit he has picked out for her. The dress, her jacket, the shoes, a cute little clear purse for the stadium and a lot of sparkly makeup options for whatever she wants to do. 

“Spencer, this is perfect?” She’s amazed by it all. “How did you know?” 

“I found your Pinterest,” he shrugs. “and you always show me cute outfits on TikTok, I took a lot of inspiration from what I knew you’d like and your favourite songs to make this… and these,” he pulls out a ziplock bag full of bracelets. All handmade. All perfect.

She spreads all the bracelets out on their bed, and she reads each and every single one. He has sent titles, lyrics and abbreviations, even quotes from Taylor that he’s memorized from how many times she’s watched Miss Americana on her days off. “Spence, how am I going to part with these?” 

He shrugs, “Don’t trade your favourites? Maybe leave any special ones here?” 

“Yeah, I guess I could do that… I can’t believe you went through all the trouble of making these just for me, seriously, when did you have the time?” 

“On my lunch breaks,” he laughs to himself. “I had no idea what I was doing and then Keesha, our undercover girl, showed me how to make them better.” 

“Everything is perfect, Spence,” she stands and wraps her arms around him, holding him close. “This is going to be the best night of my life.” 

She really had no idea. 

“I was thinking we could maybe go get our nails done,” he says as she pulls away. “We don’t have to be at the stadium till 6, I think it would be nice to get some eras nails done? I might even get some colour?” 

“Yeah, that sounds amazing!” She agrees, not thinking anything of it. 

He really just wants her to think her nails are pretty when he slips the ring onto her finger later tonight. 

He already made the appointment with a local nail salon for 1pm, giving them enough time to head back to their Airbnb and get ready for the show and maybe even get something to eat before they go. He’s such a planner. She loved every second of it, it made her less stressed to know that he already knew everything that was going on and he was confident about it too. 

He gets his nails done as well. He’s always wanted to but never had the chance to. He gets just basic gel while she goes all out with a shorter acrylic shape, she gets sparkles and stars all in the 10 different album colours and she loves them. She keeps staring at them the whole walk home, she loves how they sparkle in the light and how pretty the shape makes her hand look. 

The ring is going to look even better on her hand now. 

They shower together back at their place, Spencer watches in awe as she does her hair and her makeup and it’s not until the end that he hands her the adhesive sparkles and asks her to help him put the lover heart around his eye. 

“What did you plan for your outfit?” She asks while carefully sticking each sparkle to his face. 

“I got some bright pink pants, like, highlighter pink, bright,” he smirks. “I also bought a puffy shirt like Romeo… I wanted to go for Lover Story.” 

She laughs, “Oh you’re going to look good.” 

“I also bought cowboy boots…” 

“You didn’t,” she can’t believe it. “What colour?” 

“Pink.” 

“Oh my god, Spence… really?” 

“well like you said Lover and Midnights go together like they were planned to be back to back and you’re my other half so I wanted us to match… and then I’m partly fearless which came after Evermore which is on your shoes, so, it all matches.” 

“I love you,” she cups his face gently, “like it’s insane how much I love you.” 

“It’s not insane. It’s the perfect amount,” he teases, pulling her in for a kiss. 

—

She doesn’t know they have front-row seats until they’re at the stadium getting their tickets checked. The best part of her reaction at the gate is that she thinks this is the last surprise… she’s so overjoyed with the thought of being that close to Taylor Swift that she can’t even fathom him proposing tonight. 

From all the Tiktok's that she’s watched since March, she knows that the best time to go to the merch stands isn’t before the concert. It’s during. So, on their way to their seats, they simply buy some overpriced drinks and trade a couple friendship bracelets before heading towards their seats. She looks around with her mouth agape, amazed at how big the place is and how much of the stage takes up the floor. 

At their seats, she shakes her head and lets out an exasperated laugh, “I can’t believe you got these?” 

“Only the best for my girl,” he teases, wrapping his arm around her, he brings her in and kisses the top of her head. “I love you, Happy birthday.” 

“I love you,” she smiles up at him. “Thank you for this, really. I’m going to thank you a million times.” 

“You don’t have to,” he waves it off. “I wanted to come too, you know, she’s a big reason we’re together in the first place.” 

“If only we could tell her thank you,” she laughs. 

“We should’ve made a sign,” he teases. 

“We should’ve…” she agrees. “Maybe I can just put big text on my phone and hold it up to her?” 

“That could work.” 

So that’s what she does, sitting in her seat, waiting for the opener, she drafts a few things to say while the stadium starts to fill up. 

It takes a while before someone behind them actually shows up. Spencer worried there for a moment that the seats behind him didn’t sell and thus part of his plan for tonight would be ruined… but then a couple girls, in their teens, show up just before HIAM comes out to play. 

Spencer takes something from his pocket, pretends to reach between their seats to the floor and turns back to one of the girls. “Um, I think you dropped this,” Spencer says to the girls behind them, he hands them a note and a $5 bill. Y/N watches him hand it back to them and then turns right back to watching the openers play. 

“Oh thanks,” the girl says with a smile. She opens the note and her eyes widen as she reads it. 

‘Can you please record me and my future fiancé during love story? I have an important question to ask her and I want to remember it forever.’ And his number at the bottom. 

She looks at Spencer with her eyes full of tears and nods, mouthing “I can do that.” 

He gives her a thumbs up and turns back to watching the show. HAIM are a band he’s heard Y/N play before, he’s surprised how many words he knows just from being around her. They’re amazing and he knows that because they’re on the tour now, that means their song with Taylor has been added to the setlist. He really likes that one, even if it is about premeditated murder. 

He knows the setlist like the back of his hand. It starts with Lover, the intro is a remix of all her eras names over top of the song Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince, the dancers wear these big sheets of fabric, peacocking around the stage and then they cover the middle of the main diamond stage. Once they lift the sheets back up, however, Taylor emerges onto the stage and the crowd goes wild. 

He’s seen the show on Tiktok live so many times that he’s okay with missing it in person, instead, he watches her. He watches the way she stares at Taylor like she hung the stars and the moon herself. Like she’s some sort of god and everyone here is blessed to be in her presence. She cries, shaking her head in disbelief, she chants the words back to her and doesn’t even realize Spencer has been staring at her the whole time. 

“Look how close she is,” Y/N bumps his shoulder and points. “She’s literally right there.” 

“I know,” he smiles, so in love with her he couldn’t even pay attention to Taylor. 

When Cruel Summer starts, she screams so loud, Spencer’s sure she’s going to lose her voice tomorrow. He finally starts paying attention to the show now. Singing along, he knows all the words. He actually really loves this song. And the man. He loves everything from Lover simply because he’s so deeply, deeply in love. 

Post-lover, Taylor heads in for a costume change and thats when Spencer starts to feel anxious. He’s 2 songs away from his big moment. He checks his pockets, he still has the ring, in its box staying safe, it’s right there and ready to go. He almost blacks out for most of Fearless, he snaps back into it for You Belong With Me and the first note to Love Story gets his heart beat racing a million miles a minute. 

He looks back at the girl behind him who has her phone out already she smiles at him, nodding like she’s ready to go and he takes a deep breath. Taylors walking down the catwalk, she’s going to be literally right in front of them when he gets down on one knee… he doesn’t think she’s seen a proposal this close and in person yet on this tour? Maybe she’ll notice them? 

He sings along, genuinely loving the song and it steadies him a little. Y/N is singing too, jumping up and down and pointing at Taylor during all the best parts. She’s having the time of her life… she has no idea what’s coming.

The second chorus comes and he reaches into his pocket, he’s holding the box in his hand and his heart is in his throat. 

“And I got tired of waiting… wondering if you were ever coming around, my faith in you was fading! When I met you on the outskirts of town!” Y/N sings along. “And I said Romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you but you never come is this in my head I don’t know what to think, he kneels to the ground and pulled out a ring and—

She notices then that he’s dropped to one knee, following the song, he holds open the little black box and she screams. Everyone in their section is screaming. “Marry me, Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone I love you and that’s all I really know!” Spencer sings along to the song.

She’s frozen, can’t believe this is happening and real but she looks at the ring and then at him, her eyes full of tears. “Yes!!! Yes, I’ll marry you!!” She gets down to the ground with him and pulls him into a kiss, he smiles into it, happier than he’s ever been in his whole life. 

When she pulls back he takes the ring from the box and slides it onto her ring finger. He helps her back to her feet and all she can do is stare at it. “Holy shit?” 

“I love you!” He shouts, loud enough for everyone to hear. “I want to love you forever.” 

She pulls him into another hug, not even noticing that Taylor did see it. She pointed at them, she got excited and there was footage of it from a million different angles that she’ll get to see later. She finishes the song, running back to make her mark and then she disappears once again to get ready for Evermore. 

Y/N snuggles into his side, her left hand resting on his chest, she keeps pulling her hand back to look at it. There’s just enough quiet between eras that she asks, “Where did you get it? It’s beautiful.” 

“Etsy,” he says with a smile. “It was on my doorstep the other day when you came over.” 

“No way?” She laughs, “how long have you been planning this?” 

“Since I asked you how you felt about getting married one day,” he admits. 

She stands on her tiptoes and leans in for another kiss, “I Love you.” 

“I love you,” he reminds her. “Forever and always… but I actually mean that.” 

She laughs, “god, you really are the number 1 fearless stan, aren’t you?” 

He’s about to reply when the girls behind him poke him in the back, “Hey!” They both turn around. “I texted you the video and my friend got the other angle of Taylor's reaction!” 

“She saw it?!” Y/N freaks out. 

They nod, freaking out with her, “Yeah!! She pointed at you guys and she was so happy!!” 

“Holy shit!” Y/N shouts for the second time. “This is the best day of my fucking life, how does it keep getting better?” 

“I don’t know man, but congrats!” The girl says. “You guys are so cute together.” 

“Thank you,” they say at the same time. 

She looks at him this time like he hung the stars. If you told him just 4 months ago that he’d find the love of his life and get engaged to her at a Taylor Swift concert of all places, he would’ve laughed… now he can’t imagine his life going any other way. 

This is where he was always supposed to be. 

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @babybisexual @marsmunson86 @buckleyhans 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friends girlfriend to stop being a massive hypocrite?

so my (17) friend who i'm gonna call riley (18) has been dating this girl who i'll call olivia (17) for just over a year. i'm childhood friends with riley and i've known olivia the whole time they've been dating and i love them both very much.

just like every teenage couple they've had ups and downs but one frequent issue they've come across is olivia's mother. her mom is super strict about oddly specific things and it has time and time again ruined plans to go on dates and to even celebrate their anniversary. the most recent time this happened was their one year anniversary in early january which riley had been planning for three months in advance. the day before, olivia's mother told her she she couldn't go and forced them to cancel everything riley had spent time and money on. riley handled it really well and told olivia numerous times that he wasn't upset and didn't blame her or her mother at all. he's repeatedly had to deal with this and has always been patient and kind about it.

this week riley got grounded by his mom. he's not allowed to see anyone or go out (as per typical grounding rules). olivia has been non-stop complaining to everybody who will listen and it telling the story in a manipulative way. her exact words to me were "he's banned from seeing me and i don't know why. it's not fair" when i asked riley he said he didn't know that she was telling people but that she knows full well that his mom grounded him (not even because of her or anything to do with her).

olivia kept making comments about rileys mom to me and i've grown up with her (rileys mom) so i was getting a little defensive. i always try to stay out of their problems because it's not my relationship and i don't ever want to overstep but riley and i are super close and olivia has a tendency to overshare. it almost felt like olivia was provoking me by saying things like "ugh rileys mom is the worst and she's so over the top" or "i can't believe he can't see me! we had plans and his mom has ruined them" even "i don't know why she has to be such a bitch all the time"

just for context the plans that were cancelled by riley being grounded were the two of them going to a park together. olivia had spent no money and the plans were made by riley.

i was trying very hard to not say anything and maybe point olivia towards the fact that her mom has done this several times before when eventually i lost it. i told her "have you ever seen riley throw a tantrum like this just because your mom cancelled an activity that he had planned? no. he handles it like a caring boyfriend and you can't seem to do anything but bitch and moan about the first time this has ever happened to you. stop being a massive hypocrite and think about your words."

i didn't yell but i feel like i went over the top. i feel especially bad because it's not my relationship but i was 1. sick of hearing olivia complain. 2. defensive of both riley and his mom. and 3. so annoyed at the hypocrisy when he never does this to her.

if the people think im the asshole (which i feel like i might be) ill 100% accept that but i just wanna hear some reasoning for both sides. i appreciate any and all thoughts on the matter!

What are these acronyms?

[spinningwebsandtales]

The Shape Of Your Heart (A 'The Shape Of You' Valentine's Special One-shot)

Michael Myers X FemReader

Rating: T+

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack, past bad experiences on Valentine's Day, steam (somebody get me a fan and turn it on high), mentions of cannibalism (jokingly I promise), shirtless Michael (deserves a warning in itself)

Word Count: 4.2k

(A/N:) Hello and welcome to my own little pit of insanity! It's supposed to be Valentine's Day today but I and my very bestest friend all agree that it needs replaced with second Halloween! So far that has yet to happen, so we take it upon ourselves to celebrate a second spooky season while everyone else drowns in a sea of pink and red. I wanted to do something very Countess-y for the day and this idea came to me while at work and it's just too perfect not to do! This is a special one-shot set in my The Shape of You universe and you shouldn't have to read my fanfiction to read this. But to all of my people who are following my fic please know that I am still working on it and I haven't forgotten! I just got an idea on what to add to the chapter today cause I don't just want to rush to the end it wouldn't be fair to the story and my readers! So keep your eyes open you don't know when the Boogeyman will appear! 😉 So keep it spooky and to all the fellow Michael Myers lovers Happy (second) Halloween!

Valentine’s Day was just another day for you, nothing special and nothing exciting. You’d been on the normal dates that everyone went for this particular day, with whoever you were dating at the time going all out. Flowers, chocolates, expensive restaurants. All the works, anything that would make a normal girl swoon. But none of those things really mattered to you and it didn’t take long for them to grow bored with you and leave you not long after. So you didn’t get excited about the holiday like all your other co-workers do. So today had been stressful trying to avoid all talk of Valentines with everyone, even Julie who gushed about the flowers on her desk to anyone who would listen. You were happy for her and everyone else and it wasn’t that you disliked the holiday, old wounds just ruined it for you. So when it came time to finally leave you rushed out the front door towards your car.

You felt all the pressure and anxiety leave as soon as your car door slammed shut and you turned the key over starting your car with a roar. After giving yourself a few moments to collect yourself (you knew Michael would worry), you put the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. While the traffic of Haddonfield seemed to be on your side, the radio was a different story. What once had been your friend just yesterday had quickly turned into the enemy. Every love song and ballad that existed in the world seemed to be playing on the local station, so you changed the channel. Just for the other station to treat you just the same. And the next one and the next one, same story same old song and dance. You finally just turned the knob off shutting off the whole radio in an angry huff. So you just enjoyed the silence on the remainder of the ride home.

It wasn’t lost on you when you pulled into your little neighborhood of all the happy couples that lived close to your house leaving their houses hand in hand. Most likely going on dates planned weeks or months in advance. All you truly wanted today was a hot delicious meal with Michael and a sweet night cuddled together on the couch with him as you both watched a movie. Something action packed or even a comedy, just as long as it wasn’t something disgustingly romantic. You’d even order pizza or something, cause now you didn’t feel like cooking anything. Finally pulling into the driveway of your little home, you couldn’t help but feel that you were finally free to act like yourself. While you fumbled for the front door key, you waved at your neighbors before heading inside.

Michael had never celebrated Valentine’s Day in the special ways that everyone talked about. He could remember a few of the parties that would be held at school, with cupcakes smothered in bright pink frosting and covered with heart shaped sprinkles, or cookies cut out in various shapes to convey love and all things sickeningly sweet. Michael could only remember the treats tasting like ash and the little thin cardboard cards a lie. No child wanted to celebrate with someone like him and no one wanted to be his valentine. All he could remember back at home was his sister gushing about her new boyfriend and all they were going to do that night to celebrate. It made him hate everything even worse, especially when he was left home all alone with the babysitter that his parents had conned into watching him.

Then that fateful Halloween night had came around and then Michael knew nothing else of Valentine’s Day or any other holiday that normal people celebrated. No barbecues on the Fourth of July, no more trick-or-treating on Hallows Eve, and no presents sitting under a beautifully decorated tree. He gripped the handle of the chefs knife he held tighter, knuckles turning white as a blinding fury built in his chest until he breathed deeply, calming himself. It was getting close to time for you to come home and he wouldn’t let the past ruin this for him or you. He loved you too much and he knew that you had had some bad experiences linked with Valentine’s Day and now that you both had each other he didn’t want this time of year to remain that way for you or for himself. So he had planned in secret to treat you and surprise you with a Valentine’s Day to remember.

It had been difficult for him to keep everything quiet as he was a little excited to share such a special occasion with you. Though it was far from the normal things couple did on the day, he couldn’t just go out and buy you flowers and chocolates. He knew you didn’t mind but for some reason it bothered him more than it should. You didn’t let such material things judge how much you love him, but he wanted to do everything in his power to make you feel and show you just how special you are to him. So everything had to be perfect. You were the light that saturated his darkness and if he couldn’t convey that with his actions he couldn’t help but feel like a failure. So with a few extra touches Michael finished his work before going up the stairs to change into the clothes that he had laid out after you had left. He didn’t want to greet you at the door in food stained clothes that smelled of his sweat and the seasonings he used. So he made his way up the stairs, trying to hurry himself when he heard your car pull into the driveway.

You turned the knob and stepped inside, but something felt off. Michael always kept the living room lights off so nosy neighbors couldn’t see inside when you finally made it home, but having all the lights off was unusual. And it had become a routine that he was always waiting to give you a welcome home kiss and hug, to make the tension ease away as soon as you got home. But Michael was nowhere to be seen and it made your heart drop before racing in your chest. You couldn’t help but worry that something had happened to him as you searched all the shadows.

“Michael,” you called. When he didn’t answer you felt a lump form in your throat and tears prick at your eyes. It had been a rough day and to not have him here to make everything better seemed to be the last nail in the coffin. You dropped your bag and keys to the floor.

“Michael,” you sobbed, feeling pathetic as you started to panic.

Michael had just finish changing when he heard the mournful sound of your voice. His heart shattered and he started to panic as he raced down to you. The sight of you standing in the dark, still in your work clothes with tears streaming down your cheeks and smearing your makeup, shattered him. He was in front of you in just a few strides before swallowing you into his strong embrace. This was definitely not how he wanted to start your evening together. Kissing at your tear soaked cheeks, Michael gave you as long as you needed to calm down to greet you in the way he wanted to.

“I thought you left and I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry it’s been a rough day and I didn’t want to come home and make you worry.” Michael hushed you softly continuing to dry your tears carefully, smearing your makeup worse in the process. He cursed himself for not being faster, but it had taken him a couple of tries to get dessert just right or he would have been at the door and had the candles on the table lit before you could have walked in. So far his plan was not going perfect like he wanted. But it had yet to explode into terrible just yet. He could and would salvage the situation.

Once your tears had dried and your breathing had calmed, Michael finally was able to get things to start rolling. First he kissed you deeply, like he always did when you finally made it home from work and then he started the shower so it could warm up. He didn’t want the work day to stay on your skin and weigh your shoulders down. With another quick peck he left you to relax for a few moments while he laid out the clothes he wanted to see you in before going back to the kitchen. Making sure the food was staying warm while he heard the shower running, he cleaned up the rest of his mess until he heard the shower stop and the bathroom door open. Your wet feet pattered against the floor as you walked to the bedroom to dress and Michael dried his hands on a dish towel. You took in the sight of the dress draped across the bedspread, Michael could read you like a book as it was one of your favorite more comfortable dresses. It was beautiful without being obnoxious and the black always flattered your frame. You threw the towel in the dirty basket before slipping into the dress and as soon as you got it zipped up halfway, you could hear Michael’s footsteps come up behind you.

His larger hand replaced yours, finishing zipping up the dress before he kissed the back of your neck sweetly. He brushed at your still wet hair while taking little nibbles against your skin. You shivered as you allowed Michael to explore. It was moments like these that you could only feel comfortable with Michael. He never pushed you and took his time. Savoring every second he could from your taste or the little motions and sounds that he elicited from you. When he had his fill of your taste for that moment, he gently brushed your hair before braiding it simply and lead you by the hand to the main attraction of the night. It wasn’t until this moment that you finally realized how Michael was dressed. Wearing his finest pair of dark jeans and a deep red button up shirt tucked in with the leather jacket you had bought for him months ago.

His boots thudding against the carpet as he continued to lead you towards the kitchen that was dark except for the two candles that burned brightly on the table and the small light that was above the sink. You gasped before looking up at the dark haired man that cared for you so deeply, it made you feel like your heart could soar above the Earth. He squeezed your hand a little tighter and kissed your temple before taking you to the table. He pulled out the chair for you, letting you sit down before he pushed you towards the table. You took in the atmosphere of your normally plain kitchen. Michael had dug out the tablecloth that you had bought years ago, draping it across your little table where he had placed your finest dishes for you both to dine on. The candles were from your emergency stash, for storms that would knock the power out. But those were replaceable, letting Michael do the things he needed was too special to worry about some cheap candles that were easily replaced.

While Michael worked you watched him, enraptured at his movements and the broad back that just begged for you to touch. A splash of red on the kitchen floor caught your attention and at first you thought Michael had cut himself. But as your gaze began to trail further towards the table and out of the doorway to the kitchen into the living room did you finally realize that it was a trail of rose petals. You laughed at yourself for not noticing it until now, until another thought overtook that one. Where did he get roses from? Shrugging to yourself, deeming it unimportant, you turned your attention back on the gorgeous backside that Michael Myers owned. Michael turned around and you quickly looked away, trying to act innocent but he had known you were staring, Michael didn’t mind. It wasn’t like he never caught himself staring at you. Carrying two plates he set yours down before taking his seat across from you at the table.

Michael hadn’t known the first thing about cooking until he had came into your life. You had lovingly and patiently taught him several things and now he had taken to it easily. You were a good cook and knew how to cook many things, but with work you hardly felt like making more of the extravagant dishes you knew, so a lot of times you would bring home something from the local restaurants, but with Michael around he made sure to either have something cooked by the time you got home or you both cooked together. But this was a significant occasion where he wanted to branch out and really impress you. The kiss was to greet you, the shower to relax you, and dinner was his chance to wow and woo you. Like you weren’t already head over heels from him. Your jaw dropped at the sight of the steak, cooked perfectly; medium rare, baked potato, and carrots carefully cut into little hearts. You beamed brightly at Michael, making his heart skip a beat before you held up one of the carrots, just in awe of his skills and attention he took with the meal. You grinned slyly before popping the vegetable into your mouth. Savoring the flavors bursting on your tongue and the slight crunch of the carrot.

“Y’know Michael it’s really unfair how good you are with a knife,” you said while stabbing another carrot with your fork.

He just shrugged his shoulders, returning your grin with a mischievous glint in his eye, “I’ve carved up enough stuff to know how to wield a knife.”

“Let’s not talk about your occupation before dinner,” you scoffed teasingly. “This is beef steak right?”

“Whatever you had in the freezer,” he took a big bite of steak, chewing thoughtfully. “Unless,” Michael paused, “you’re hiding a cannibalistic hobby from me.”

“You don’t know how delicious next door neighbors can be when cooked right.”

You both laughed before you grimaced at the thought and tucked into your plate, the instant the steak hit your tongue you let out a moan. Michael looked up a vivid red tinting his cheeks at the sound you just made.

“This is sooo good,” you took another big bite. Every horrible moment that you had experienced today melted away every second. Michael forgot his plate for just a second as he watched you enjoy the food he had painstakingly made for you. Every mistake and cut was worth it as he witnessed the bliss on your face and the laughter you both shared about minor details of each others’ day. After finishing up your whole steak and sides you didn’t think another bite of anything was possible but then Michael cleared away the plates and brought back a huge chocolate cake. Layered with a thick coat of chocolate buttercream and a shiny dark chocolate ganache on top. Wiping a droplet of drool at the sight of the decadent dessert, you suddenly dredged up the mental room in your stomach for a piece of the delicious looking cake. Michael served you once again, cutting a big enough slice it would take you two sittings to get through, but you didn’t mind. Your mouth watered seeing all the beautiful layers and chocolate goodness. But Michael didn’t move away and you suddenly got nervous. Was he feeling ornery? Was something bothering him?

But he only stepped away with no explanation, until he grabbed his chair and dragged it over closer to you. Though he was just sitting across the table from you it felt so far away and he couldn’t take a second longer being that far from you. He wasn’t too hungry for cake at the moment and there was just something about watching you enjoy every bite that had him feeling more full than he had in years. You seemed to curl into yourself at him being so close while you ate. You weren’t a very clean eater, especially when it came to chocolate cake, but he didn’t want you to feel that way around him in anything. Michael took your fork, his eyes leaving yours just for a second to get you a decent bite before bringing the fork up to your lips. Carefully you took the bite before your eyes rolled and sighed loudly at the wonderful flavors hitting your tongue.

“It’s absolutely delicious,” you chewed. “Michael you have to try some.”

His expression intensified pinning you to the back of your chair as he loomed over you. Dark locks of his wavy hair shadowing his dual colored eyes. He tilted your chin up, stroking your cheek with the rough pad of his thumb before capturing your mouth in a heated kiss. He didn’t keep it gentle for long as he forced himself into your hot mouth. The tastes of chocolate hitting his tongue mixed with the unique taste of you. It was his turn to moan as he explored, taking his time and stealing your breath. You clung tightly to his jacket, trying not to slip out of his embrace as the strength melted from your limbs. The chocolate cake was sweet but the motion of Michael against your tongue was even sweeter. Placing his hand on the back of your head and tangling his large fingers in the locks of your hair he pressed you closer as if he couldn’t devour you enough, before he finally pulled away. You gasped for air but still held tightly to him, cake suddenly forgotten. Pupil dilated in the brown of Michael’s one good eye, he sat back down.

“Delicious,” he smirked and you blushed deeply. You were thinking that he wasn’t talking about just the cake.

You both didn’t speak for several moments until you cut the silence by cutting one piece off of the cake and offered it to him. Michael took it, chewing thoughtfully as he watched you cut another piece, his eyes never missing a movement or the fact that your breathing was still rapid from his passionate attentions. It took every sliver of control to keep himself seated while you shared the rest of the cake together.

With stomachs close to busting from the amount of food, this time you took the initiative in the next part of the plan. Michael had thought that both of you could watch a little TV before calling it a night, but if there was something in particular you wanted to do, he wasn’t going to argue. Though he was confused as you lead them both outside through the back door. Shutting off the lights and not turning the outside light on, you opened the door a gentle breeze stirring the hairs that slipped out of your braid when Michael had kissed you. Stepping outside Michael didn’t hesitate and stepped outside with you. You sat down on the top step before patting right beside you. Michael took a seat keeping a tight grip on your hand. It didn’t take long for you to lean your head on his shoulder and Michael wrapped his arms around you, trying to cling to you as tightly as he could, to keep this moment from ever slipping away.

As you sat outside on the step with Michael his arms wrapped around you, you noticed your bald rose bushes you had planted a couple years ago beside the back door. You snorted loudly, stifling a laugh now that you finally solved the mystery where your lovely rose petal trail came from. (Hey Countess here, yes I know February is still winter and rose bushes won’t have flowers on them, but just shhhhh enjoy the story and let me have this! Okay back to the fluff!) He looked at you in confusion but you just shook your head. You didn’t want to embarrass him or make Michael feel bad that he had taken advantage of your beautiful rose bush. Blooms could grow back and it probably helped the plant anyway. You watched the world go by as the stars flickered in the midnight blue colored sky. For once the neighborhood was peaceful and you breathed in deeply. The chill in the air had you shivering a little as you didn’t grab a jacket to go over your sleeveless dress. Michael untangled himself from you to shrug off his leather jacket and drape it over your chilly shoulders. You curled into the warmth, sighing as it cut the chill from reaching you.

“It’s nights like this that really remind you that everything will be okay,” you whispered. “That things in the past don’t matter when the present is involved. I’ve hated Valentine’s Day personally for so long that just hearing that it was just around the corner always made me cringe. But I think you just changed that for me in the span of just one single night.”

Michael lifted you easily from the steps, placing you in his lap where he could hold onto you better. He buried his face in your warm neck, breathing in your calming vanilla scent as he tried to find the words. It was hard to explain how much he adored you and how he felt about every moment that he got to spend with you. He had thought that terrorizing Haddonfield had been his one purpose, to make them pay for the way that they treated him, ever since he was a child and then that fateful night had brought you to him. Now it seemed like the puzzle pieces were fitting right into place and he didn’t want to lose you when everything was finally going so right.

“I didn’t get to experience much of Valentine’s Day and I didn’t really get to experience much of anything normal that others have. Until you. I remember the parties held at school but that’s just barely. I want to have so many more firsts with you,” he kissed your shoulder, “I want to experience life with you.”

You gently brushed your hand against Michael’s rough cheek, relishing the scratch of his stubble when you kissed him on the forehead. “I want to experience life with you too. And eat more chocolate cake.”

He chuckled burying himself deeper into the crook of your neck and shoulder. His warm breath stirring against your skin, tickling and setting your nerves on fire. So you sat there on his lap, just holding onto him tightly while he held you, you both just relishing the silence. The words unspoken, not needing to be vocalized to understand. Time passed by slowly until Michael could feel you starting to get cold and shivering slightly against him. Without effort he stood up, still holding you in his arms and carried you inside. With another small kiss he sent you on your way to change into some comfortable pajamas so you both could enjoy a movie before bed. You didn’t argue but tugged him along wanting him to change into something more comfortable too. Though it pained you to see him get out of that gorgeous shirt that only hugged him in all the right ways. You teased him all the way to the closet where you somehow talked him into forgoing a shirt entirely.

That’s how you found yourself sprawled out on the couch on top of Michael, your legs tangled with his as you traced lazy circles into the skin of his chest. His breath hitching and finding it hard to concentrate on the movie with you touching him so tenderly. He grabbed your hand bringing it up to his mouth where he bestowed sweet kisses to each digit, in turn making you squirm. He grinned triumphantly, enjoying the way that he could turn the tables on you. You had an effect on him and he couldn’t help but feel smug when he could see that he did the same to you. So with one little sentence he finished the night quickly.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he murmured huskily in your ear. You sucked in a quick breath, never believing that anyone saying that sentence to you could hold so much power, but when he did it in that tone, it was like kryptonite.

“Happy Valentine’s Day Michael,” you whispered back, voice failing. He chuckled deeply before switching off the TV and scooping you back up to carry you back to the bedroom. The movie was boring anyway as he closed the bedroom door and all memories of past Valentine’s Day melted away on the taste of sweet kisses that tasted of chocolate cake and hushed giggles that sounded like calming wind chimes in a gentle breeze.

[cptn-m]

One Piece chapter 1117 Review and Analysis

And so ends the Broadcast Era (any Three Body readers here?) after a long few months. The breaks were certainly not kind to this sequence, but I think it will be remembered fondly. One Piece’s biggest strength is how populated and alive its world feels, and emphasising that all these supporting characters are still relevant and it’s all their lives at stake is going to pay dividends when things get apocalyptic in the endgame.

Anyway, to review the manga instead of the fanbase, it’s sweet to see Neko on the cover page felt comfortable dropping the gun from his stump arm. Even as an apparent yakuza, things are at peace enough that he doesn’t need to be packing. Also the way Yamato’s backpack fits right between their belt loop thingies is a cute detail.

Nice to see Drake still kicking. I’d have been willing to believe he was dead after Wano. I wonder if the broadcast is going to start influencing SWORD to go finally rogue and move all the less-evil Marines into their own, easier to root for faction.

You have to wonder what Stussy’s exit plan is if she isn’t rushing to rejoin the group on the Sunny. Or if she is, no one’s snailed in to tell them hold tight.

The attention to detail with the giants’ ship’s figurehead being tied back on after being cut a couple of chapters ago is great. The giants as a whole give us some really fun, evocative pages this week as they lay into the Marine fleet. And while we’re obviously not getting a full set of one on ones for this arc, Oda gives some solid moments to Bluegrass and Doll, perhaps to set them up to be bigger opponents in the future. I certainly didn’t expect Kashii to take such a big beatdown right in the middle of his triumphant return to the story.

It feels likely that it was trying to reach Luffy at the cost of all else, but then why does it only sometimes react to Gear Five, and why only at the end was it activated enough to start moving?

And how about Mars seemingly recognising the robot? Definitely gives us a hint that the Elders are older than they appear, despite previous evidence suggesting they don’t go all the way back to the Void Century.

There is one reoccurring complaint I do agree with, as this marathon segment wraps up: it’s kinda weird there was no visual content in the broadcast, after the emphasis placed on it with the 10 minute lead time. Maybe we take it as part of Vegapunk’s perfectionism – it just wouldn’t feel right to him if he wasn’t being seen, which would track with an artificial devil fruit not feeling right because of its colour, something on one else would care about – but that’s still a little weak. I’m sure Oda wrote out the whole speech in advance and chunked it out chapter by chapter with the cameos and action beats he wanted to accompany it, and he found he decided the preamble was necessary to get everyone where they needed. The arrival of the Elders wouldn’t have had the focus that made it so great if Vegapunk was already dropping lore bombs. Buuuut I’m sure there could have been a better in-universe justification for it. Maybe just saying he wants people to set up recording devices to preserve and repeat the message could have made it easier to swallow.

I think we can all let out a breath with the broadcast over. While I’m sure there’s still some cooldown to go, especially if the Iron Giant means to retaliate, things seem poised to wrap up here. There are multiple calls to get the ships moving throughout the chapter, from Zoro, Luffy and the giants, with the stragglers close enough to jump aboard as they go. And with Vegapunk dead and the broadcast over there’s nothing left on Egghead I can see the crew getting invested in fighting for. It’s kind of a loss for the Strawhats, not being able to protect everything they promised they would and having to retreat from foes they have no idea how to fight, albeit not as devastating a one as Sabaody. Elbaf could end up being a chance to regroup, power up one last time, and make ready to stop these unstoppable monsters in the true final battle. And setting that up is a very exciting prospect.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

'Tis now February...

Disney stills plans, per their latest release schedule update, to release a Walt Disney Animation Studios movie on Thanksgiving week later this year...

I also happen to know that at least one person has started animating on this movie, as of this past month or so...

So, I think... Yeah... We probably still are getting a WDAS movie in November of this year... Even though it's February, and they still haven't told us - officially - what this movie even is. Usually, we know these things in at least a year in advance. The extreme end of this is DreamWorks' hasty rollout of their RUBY GILLMAN, TEENAGE KRAKEN. Where they said *nothing* about the movie's existence until 3 1/2 months before release. The movie itself, the poster, and the trailer. All in one go. Unfortunately, it wasn't a 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE situation, the movie lost a lot of money for DreamWorks and is one of their lowest-earning movies period.

I don't think WDAS will cut it *that* close, but I suspect we should hear something pretty soon? The company as a whole doesn't have a mainline movie out until THE FIRST OMEN in April, so they have time to at least tell us what's up? They're running a little late on at least announcing that this movie *exists*. I mean, the lot of us know it does because that's how these things work, but the public doesn't. We only know that a cluster of movies that are being directed by Suzi Yoonessi, Josie Trinidad, and Marc Smith have been in the works for years. So in a way, the next one has been announced? But not really? Typically, we get some kind of confirmation on a movie that fills the slot... About a year in advance. For example, WISH was announced in September 2022, and the movie was released this past November.

Regardless of how poorly STRANGE WORLD and WISH performed, the latter critically... I was initially under the impression that WDAS was going to have one of those "what should we be doing?" episodes whenever a string of movies fail at the box office, *or* if morale is low. A new movie wasn't announced, so I figured... Yeah, they might skip this year and re-evaluate their movie slate?

After all, Mark Henn recently called it quits and remarked that he - once one of the remaining 2D animators at the studio - wasn't doing anything "meaningful" in his final years there as a full-time animator. He's sticking around, somewhat, for a short film that producer Clark Spencer is a champion of... But that's about it. So many other people have departed either during current CCO Jennifer Lee's leadership, or during John Lasseter's leadership... Couple that with the last two movies not doing great, and that's not really a good look for this 100-year-old studio. And usually studios stop and evaluate when stuff happens. Sometimes it just means making different movies, other times it's more drastic and it unfairly affects the staff... But usually, something happens.

Luckily, a ZOOTOPIA sequel and a few more FROZEN flicks are there as a safety net, and I wouldn't put it past them to announce more sequels (ENCANTO seems likelier, and MOANA as well, given how well that movie regularly does on streaming Top 10s year by year)... but originals will always be important at these studios. Even the studios that are criticized for making too many sequels (like Illumination) still need a new franchise to launch.

But... Yeah, it seems like everyone's staying the course? There have been swirling talks throughout fan circles, as per usual, with what will happen. "Does Jennifer Lee get fired?" "Do they delay the 2024 movie into 2025 and retool it?" "Is there a change in direction in what kind of movies they make?"

It doesn't seem to be? I get the sense that, whether this untitled fantasy movie is in good shape or not, it's coming. They're just gonna make it and meet the release date, apparently.

I mean, look at STRANGE WORLD. Director Don Hall pitched the film in early 2017 and development started thereafter, but in around mid-2019, he got yanked off of the movie to take over RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON. Which they finished around late 2020/early 2021, and it came out in March of that year... Meaning that once Don was done with RAYA, he had about a year and a half to return to STRANGE WORLD and get it ready for a 2022 theatrical release. Which he did. And for some observers, myself included, the movie was maybe a few drafts away from being better. The finished film feels very undercooked in its character work and worldbuilding, but that's just me speculating.

After all, remember how Pixar turned TOY STORY 2 completely around with less than a year to go? Turned out fantastic, despite the stress and the rushing. FROZEN was literally rewritten top to bottom within its release year! And people loved that movie, it made a billion and became a worldwide phenomenon! Sometimes the end product miraculously works on audiences, sometimes it doesn't. Maybe it doesn't matter, because to some 6-year-old out there, STRANGE WORLD rocked their world. It probably would've been one of my favorite movies at age 8, that's for sure. And it'll be a favorite of theirs once they're in college or something, it'll be a case of "This SLAPPED! Why did it flop 20 years ago???"

So, it looks like the movie is happening. I have heard from the trenches that the 2024 slot went to a fantasy tale set in the Middle East, presumably from director Suzi Yoonessi, who is of Iranian descent. Jennifer Lee stated in late 2019 that Yoonessi was directing a feature film for the studio, so if this is hers... They had five years to get this story together. Good sign, right? Should make that release date just fine, then!

The execution of it is what matters in the end, and looking at WISH's poor scores and blah legs domestically, it appears that this is WDAS' problem. WISH took about five years to come together, so there was plenty of time. What went wrong? This currently-untitled 2024 movie could've had all the time in the world to come together as a strong piece of storytelling and appeal to audiences, *but* if you execute it in a way that turns moviegoers away? You've got a problem. And when I read from some of the filmmakers/staffers that the studio brass regularly test screens early versions of these movies for toddlers, and then they cut lots of potentially good stuff that could've really worked because little Jimmy got scared? Couple that with so many talents leaving the place over the last few years? I kinda think that's the problem.

While FROZEN II, which suffered a lot of cuts and dumbing down because of test screenings, went and made over $1.4b worldwide... WISH lost a lot of money, yet it's still looking to become the studio's highest-earning movie since FROZEN II. Some four years ago... Possibly set to outgross the much-more beloved ENCANTO (which probably also suffered from needless focus group nonsense), a Delta/Omicron-era release which currently sits at $256m worldwide.

The studio is undoubtedly in a weird spot right now from my outsider perspective, and they appear to be meeting this one-a-year quota still. Curiously, some of Pixar's staff is to be laid off this year, staff that were involved with Disney+ projects like DUG DAYS and WIN OR LOSE. Disney Animation recently opened a Vancouver unit meant for Disney+ shows, like the upcoming MOANA series. IWAJU, which is a month away, was outsourced to Canadian house Cinesite. "WDAS Vancouver" still operating for now, despite the company reducing their focus on making stuff for Disney+. It would suck to see them close down just a few years after being set up, much like what happened to Pixar Canada over a decade ago.

So yeah... We'll learn soon, I believe, what's going on here. Speculation is always rampant when it comes to animation, and just the movies in general. You know, I came across a website that hasn't been updated since the mid-2000s. A site run by some dedicated animation fan, who collected pretty much all the major news articles on movies that were new at the time of the blog's operation: Stuff from FINDING NEMO to MADAGASCAR to BROTHER BEAR to ROBOTS... I spent quite some time reading through all of it, as I was becoming internet-aware at the time. And by looking at what was cited and sourced, this is all nothing new. There was so much speculation with all of those now-classic movies, and a lot of it was UTTER BULLSHIT. Like how FINDING NEMO was really gearing up to be Pixar's first flop, and it ended up being - for a period - the highest-grossing animated movie ever and an Oscar winner.

And I'm sure whatever is being cooked up about Untitled WDAS 2024 and many other productions today is also UTTER BULLSHIT. Hearing from the trenches is one thing, but there's lots of made up stuff, and there's probably some of it floating around now.

Anyways, all I know is, WDAS does this focus group thing with their movies, and people are leaving... But other than that, it appears that the new movie is still coming out this year. But things always change, so we shall see...

[sheepiling]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Thank you to @cantseemtohide for the tag! 🤗 

1. Are you named after anyone? 

I was adopted at 18 months and never met my biological mother after that so I have no way of knowing; my adoptive parents didn’t change my first or middle names. 

2. When was the last time you cried? 

I always cry during period week. And every time I watch Encanto. 

3. Do you have kids? 

Not yet! My husband and I do want at least one kid, though. Maybe two! Not yet, though. 

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? 

Only for friends that like sarcasm. If I don’t know someone well enough to know their sense of humor yet or I know they don’t like sarcasm then I don’t use it around them. I enjoy it but it’s situational for me. 

5. What sports do you play / have you played? 

I was in marching band in high school, and when I was little I took ballet classes, though I didn’t stay in those long enough to graduate to pointe shoes. idk if those count as sports but that’s the only physical activities I did growing up. Nowadays I just do weights and jogging. 

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? 

Personality, vibe checks, & whether or not I wanna actually talk to them or just be polite and yeet out of there. 

7. Eye color? 

Greyish-blue! Sometimes tealish. It depends on the lighting and what I’m wearing. But usually a light turquoise blue-grey color. 

8. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? 

While I love classic horror and occult halloweeny things, I love fairy tales more, so happy endings wins! Also I dislike all the modern horror stuff that’s a bunch of gore and jump scares and violence. I prefer horror that’s 80s or older. But I love all fairy tale movies no matter when they’re made! 

9. Any special talents? 

My long-term memory is abnormally good. I can vividly remember back to kindergarten. However, my short term memory is crap. I’m always losing my phone. 😅 

10. Where were you born? 

F L O R I D A 

11. What are your hobbies? 

Playing Sims and being on Simblr (obviously) but I also like a couple MMORPGs that I play with my guild. I’m also in the choir at my Unitarian Universalist church, and I still play Flute and Bodhrán privately. I’ve been meaning to join a local drum circle but haven’t dedicated the time to that yet. 

12. Do you have any pets? 

Yes! I have 2 cats, Abigail and Tigger, and they’re mother and son! Though if we’re counting my mom’s & mi suegra’s pets as well then we have a total of 6 pets in the family. My mom has 3 cats, Little One, Midnight, and Dev (all are rescued strays ♡) and my husband’s family has a yorkie named Toby. 💕  and that puppy is mad spoiled they have baby strollers for him and take him everywhere! 😂 

13. How tall are you? 

In freedom metrics I’m 5′4″ 

14. Favorite subject in school? 

I always liked music / band the most! When you’re in marching band it consumes your entire life. The rehearsals are so long. But that’s where all my friends were so it was amazing. 💖 

15. Dream job? 

I flunked out of college twice, I’ve kind of given up on any type of careers. My husband is able to support us and I just get part time things when I’m able. Once we have kids I plan on being a stay-at-home mom, and if USA doesn’t fix the violence in schools problem we’ve been having by the time our future kiddos are ready for school I’ll probably homeschool at least the early elementary years. Though once the math gets too advanced for me to be able to teach I’ll need to look for other options ‘cuz I can’t homeschool the whole K~12. Hopefully we can get some kind of education reform by that time. 

And now to tag peeps! I’m a bit late to answer this b/c of my Mexico trip and a lot of people have done this already. Also, 15 people is A LOT for a tag game so I’m just gonna pick the most recent mutuals in my Activity log! Sorry if you already did this. If anyone else didn’t get a ping for this tag and wants to do it you can totes tag me as the person that tagged you, though! ♡ 

@helenofsimblr @sparkiekong @sassie-sims @druidberries @daydreamertrait @timberllania @sir-silly @nolongerafruit @nightlifeseries @silverspringsimmer @coliemoongaming @sims-for-semi @saps-sims @faetheegrey @talesofsimverse 

[insomnicbypasser]

Ho boy what a past two couple weeks am i right guys??? This post will just be me throwing my thoughts at the wall dont expect any sense of consistance im going to be topic hopping probably also just to let you all know this post wont have much if any neg because i honestly font hold those feelings towards purgatory sorry xD however if yall do have neg stuff feel free to have an open discussion in the replies i wanna study yall under a microscope

THOUGHTS BELOW

Alright first of all lets give it up for Bolas guys lets be honest no one not even they themselves thought they were gunna win fr

As a sole Bolas watcher ill have to say these streams have been the most fun ive had watching a stream in a while ive legit fixed my sleeping schedual just to watch these streams lemme tell you

I know that alot of people are unhappy with the ending that we got today but just to remind everyone that i dont think the admins or quackity would do anything TRULY permant without discussion with the cc's

Maxs death was obviously planned days in advance and seeing as the cc's didnt know anything about the eggs conditions or whereabouts i think its safe to assume none of them are actually dead

I trust quackity and qsmp not to do something that would obviously be so unsatisfiying to both the players and the fans, mostly because several months of build up definitely wouldnt lead to that

I think purgatory will be used as a learning experience for qsmp staff as how to make events more enjoyable, and i have no doubt that the week(s) inbetween this purgatory event and the next will be spent working out bugs and making qol changes, we cant expect everything to go perfectly without making mistakes

I think that the ending to purgatory played into the whole theme thats been hammered on over and over again by quackity both in and out of game: this event is made to make you unhappy and uncomfortable. It was tailored to brew conflict and make you unsatisfied, whivh judging by peoples reactions worked very well!

This event is definitely going to make past and future experiences sweeter. Were going to look back on pre purgatory as the good ol days before disaster and look at post purgatory as the catharsis period after a disaster. Puragatory is defintely the growing pains need to bring new life into the server, ots the absence that makes the heart grow fonder.

I have a serious question to ask people down in the replies: how many of you came back to qsmp or started WATCHING qsmp because of the purgatory event. Ill be honest after the first couple months i only tuned into mr charlie slimecicles streams and those were few and far between but after puragtory started i began to feel the insatiable lust for more qsmp so i began to watch recap videos and vods at a horrifiying pace. I started watching other povs because of how well bolas played off of each other and i didnt want to miss a single second of their shenanigans.

This single event has made me more excited for qsmp content then anything in the past couple months. I got a fucking twitter account for christs sake just because i wanted to know wehn people were going live and to see recaps on what the other teams were up too.

I know these past two weeks have been stressful and uncomfortable for some people so i ask yall to take a step back and detoxify so we can come back to this with clearer and fresher prespectives so we can focus on the fun and intruiging aspects of the event

Lets wallow in the angst and let chaos take the wheel with theories and ideas on how everything will pan out from here, i have hope that everything will turn out in the end even if its brought about woth blood sweat and tears :) as long as we all have fun in the end thats all that matters yall

[purplesurveys]

1716

What TV shows are you watching at the moment? Nothing. I prefer vlogs these days.

Do you enjoy having deep, philosophical conversations? No they're my least favorite conversations to have haha. I'm not cut out for philosophy and I always zone out when a convo starts to steer towards that direction. Deep talks are fun, it's just philosophical ones I find boring.

Have you ever studied human anatomy? Kind of? We took up human body systems in grade school, but a couple of years ago I also had a phase where I got hooked to this anatomy channel on YouTube and watched many of their videos. I personally find biology and anatomy interesting so I'll learn it on my own sometimes.

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere tomorrow? I unfortunately do have work the whole day tomorrow, a Sunday. I have shoots to monitor at 10 AM and around 7 PM; I also have an event to help manage in the afternoon.

The thing is it'll be Yoongi's final final FINAL concert tomorrow so I imagine I'll have earphones on so I don't miss out. I'm just sad because I already planned to watch weeks in advance, and both those ^ work things came up super last-minute.

What was your favourite fairytale when you were growing up? Does the Barbie Rapunzel count as a fairytale? I watched that movie all the time.

Did you feel bored before you started this survey? No I'm actually extremely anxious right now so I've been needing to take surveys to distract myself and shake off the restlessness.

Have you applied for a job recently? I haven't.

Do you have vivid dreams? They can be, but I also forget them very easily. 

Would you have more word documents or images saved on your computer? Images. I mean there's Google Workspace, so that's reduced the need to download all my word documents and slides every time.

Have you ever experienced severe health anxiety? Nope.

Do you have a drink with you right now and if so, what is it? If not, what would you like to be drinking right now? I have a cup of coffee with me now, yes.

Are you home alone right now? Nope, my family's downstairs.

What do you use - haha, lmao, lol, rofl? Something else entirely? Haha, lol, lmao.

What noises can't you stand to hear? When the spoon or fork hits the plate at a certain angle and it makes this horrible grating sound. Also, doors being slammed.

What's your favourite pasta shape?  Fettuccine.

What state, territory or province do you live in? It's like one cartwheel away from Metro Manila, which is super convenient because I'm away from the traffic but can easily go to the city for whatever it is I need.

Would you rather be sleeping right now? Not really sleeping, but I'd rather not be actively worrying right now. It's like, I'm highly aware that I'm taking this survey as an escape and as a distraction, but I wish I was taking it just because. And knowing that I'm taking this as a distraction just makes me feel bad somehow.

Are you still in touch with anyone you went to high school with? Yes quite a number of people. I'm close with a few and remain social media friends with a lot.

Do you use the Notes app on your phone much? If so, what for? Yes, it's very reliable for work. If there's something I need to take note of or I get grabbed in an impromptu meeting, it gets the job done.

Who did you last have a deep conversation with? Jo.

Do you prefer floral or fruity scents? Fruity. Floral makes me dizzy.

What's your favourite non-dairy milk? Oat.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, tell me about one. I don't have any.

Where are your siblings right now? Downstairs.

Which sibling are you closest to, both physically (distance) and emotionally? My sister. 

Did you attend pre-school as a kid? Yes.

What's something you need to buy soon? New nipple covers.

Have you ever been evicted from your home? If so, did you think it was fair? I haven't.

If you could learn any language, what would it be? Korean.

Do you go to cemeteries regularly? Who do you visit? I don't. I do visit my grandpa once every few months, but he's in a columbarium.

[dailyanarchistposts]

Critique of the Convergence Organizing

Midway through the week, one longtime attendee who had pushed hard for the 2009 convergence to experiment with a new model remarked that it was just like a rural convergence, only in a city. Indeed, though this convergence took place in a different setting, the model that had been developed over the preceding seven years was transposed whole into this new environment.

This was a tremendous missed opportunity. The model that had worked well enough in the countryside was not as suited for the city, and, more to the point, it offered few opportunities to engage with locals—which presumably would be the whole reason to have an urban convergence. There were exceptions to this, such as the open hours at the free clinic, but in general the convergence occurred in a bubble, separated from local communities rather than integrated into them or reaching out to them. This is not the model for radical organizing that most longtime convergence participants employ in our own hometowns, and it’s unfortunate that we fell back into it here. Scarcity of resources such as food and space was repeatedly cited as one of the obstacles to opening up interactions with more locals; indeed, it’s hard to demonstrate the advantages of the anarchist alternative with so little at our disposal. But there was also a failure of imagination.

Much of this can be traced to glitches in the organizing process. Because the original plan was to buy and repair a building, little thought was given to how else the event might interact with the local community. Less that two months before the event, local organizers were still scrambling to keep open the possibility of purchasing a building, while putting little energy into developing a plan B. The breakdown in the organizing group can only have made things worse. This is a reminder of how important group dynamic issues are, and how far-ranging the effects can be when conflicts are not worked out.

It’s also true that other recent models for anarchist gatherings have provided precious few examples of how to engage with local communities. Conferences are frequently held on college campuses, which brings up as many issues around accessibility and class comfort as convergences in residential neighborhoods bring up about gentrification. Bookfairs cast locals as consumers, limiting their participation according to economic means and offering few other points of departure besides passively listening to speakers.

We anarchists, long used to being outsiders, must be careful not to marginalize ourselves. Future convergences that take place in cities should aim to interact with locals and interrupt the separations that characterize daily life under capitalism. It is sad that the Pittsburgh Really Really Free Market, which could have been an opportunity for this, ended up largely being a space to process the effects of the disruption.

Participants also brought up concerns about structural issues that could have contributed to this year’s convergence being an uncomfortable space for attendees with less social privilege. Some suggested that the self-structuring nature of the convergence was a problem. A couple people asked whether it would be better for it to be invite-only, though this was hotly disputed. It was proposed that there could be a mandatory orientation workshop for first-time attendees. Other top-down solutions were advanced, involving more structure and protocol.

Instead of proposing more infrastructure, one might ask why the existing infrastructure—such as the mediation team and the exclusion policy—was not effective. One answer is that those who were most alienated by others’ behavior felt least entitled to ask organizers for help dealing with it. Another is that responsibility was not widely distributed enough—a six-person mediation team can’t hope to keep up with every potential conflict or uncomfortable situation without others also taking initiative.[1] Here again we return to the challenges of organizing events that include people who are at their first anarchist gathering.

Some of the aforementioned proposals focus more on how to curb the insensitive behavior of those who benefit from social privilege than on empowering those affected by it. One proposal that took the opposite approach suggested that race and gender caucuses should be scheduled at the beginning of the convergence, rather than near the end[2] (when they have occurred the last few years), offering participants of those demographics the chance to confer and present demands to other attendees. As privilege issues extend to an infinite range of facets beyond race, gender, and class, this would still be a limited solution, but it could at least be a starting point. It also takes advantage of the self-structuring aspect of the convergence, rather than attempting to suppress it.

In a spatial rather than temporal version of this proposal, spaces could be designated for the same purpose. This would have been particularly difficult in Pittsburgh, where there was so little space at our disposal, but we can at least put it in the toolbox for later.

One other factor at this convergence was that there were so few opportunities for individuals to address the entire convergence. At previous convergences, there had been circles in the morning and the evening; in Pittsburgh, due to space and time constraints, they only took place in the mornings, barely accommodating organizers and workshop presenters and offering no time at all for individuals to air concerns or frustrations.

[imnotactuallygoingtousethis]

So, Sunday was meant to be my first pride fest since “officially” coming out

(in reality I just settled on some labels that work decent enough, I’ve long held that I felt like a part of the queer community but had been told for years I was wrong and look at me cmon of course I’m cishet. The only thing that changed is I stopped letting other people have a say in how I see myself)

Since I’ve always been so averse to labeling myself and have been open about myself for so long maybe she didn’t think it was a big deal. Maybe I’ve been so content I never brought up that I’d “officially come out”. Idk I’m trying to hold space for the possibility it was a misunderstanding. But it fucking hurt when she cancelled AFTER we were supposed to be there already.

I asked her and my sibling if they’d come with me (I’m too scared to go alone, not because of bigots, just social phobia) months in advance.

I gave warnings two weeks and one week in advance. Tried to start planning transport days in advance cuz I knew we were all bad at texting quickly. She even kept tabs on the weather so I thought we were fine. We knew it might rain but I said if it did they should both come over to my place and we can celebrate anyway. I tried… I really, really tried. Sent a book in texts trying to coordinate the night before, no response.

Got up early the morning of, excited. Tried to keep busy, did laundry, dishes, started getting dressed. I bought trans tape for the event and wasted a lot of it figuring how to apply it lol. It was cool seeing myself mostly flat chested, just a lil bit of boobage. Ever since I was a kid I wanted “chick boobs”, just enough to be a boob but with my pecs on full display. I was trying to hold wait to express the excitement and gender euphoria. I wanted to wait until it was closer to leave before I did sunscreen and glitter though.

So I waited. I’d sent another text at 7 am so I was waiting for a confirmation from either person that noon was a good time to head out, or where we wanted to meet (I’d asked a week ago, no response). And I kept waiting, at 11:30-45 or so I fell into a brief nap.

At like, 1:30 I woke up to a text from my sister timestamped around 12:30 saying she’d leave in an hour. (Um leave to where? I’d suggested meeting at ur place and no one responded?!) and a couple texts from my friend explaining that her and her partner were going over finances to buy a house and so she could not go with. She waited until after my sibling texted and then flaked immediately.

If she was up since 8 she def saw my text from 7. I don’t get why she wouldn’t have let me know asap. Or honestly, I don’t get why she wouldn’t have told her boyfriend that the financial shit needed to wait for a day. I tried to make sure everyone had plenty of time to schedule around our plans.

In fact- I KNOW I left enough time for them to schedule around it. The sister asks if I still wanted to go, but at that point it was 2 and it would have taken practically an hour to get there and park; I was too dejected to leave my apartment anyway so I said no. She said she’d try to stop by but never did.

I want to be nice to them because of all the space for misunderstanding, so I’m writing this instead. Maybe I’ll share my hurt with my sib and my best friend, one day. But for now I just need to let it be known how distraught I feel. How abandoned and unimportant I felt slowly removing the tape from my chest in the mirror, watching myself blink back tears in part of the outfit I’d picked out hours before my plans were canceled.

My last pride was my sister’s first since she’d come out as bi. I was excited to help her have their moment. Helped apply flag themed eyeshadow and got my anxious, crowd-averse ass out the door to make sure she wouldn’t be alone. Am I selfish for wanting someone to do the same for me?

I deserve my first pride. I’m not waiting a whole year. I’m having my own little pride this friday hopefully. I wanna do it while it’s still June otherwise I’d do it on Monday before my weekend. Me myself and I will be having an awesome lil personal pride celebration; complete with any rainbow snacks I can find and some fruity drinks. My boyfriend will probably throw more Will and Grace on, and I can wallow with the one person who’s always there for me.

[voyeuristicvixen]

Capts Log No.40_ SoulGlooooo

This month so much has happened in short amount of time I must say! We have been hard at work planning and preparing for the Juneteenth Jam Fest this month which has been going quite well because we are just going with the flow and letting things plug in where they fit in. Gigi and I work really well together because we are both intuitive, but also we are super sensitive and reflect off one another because we’re so similar and so different at the same time. I am absolutely grateful for our relationship and the way its growing and shifting. Its unlike any I have ever had before, and that’s refreshing!

Shes really a maternal mentor for me on the grid now. I look up to her and admire her strength, compassion and realness! And she knows how to RUN THINGS, OKAY! I am blessed with such amazing parents on the grid! Real. I think one thing that is important for anyone seeking parents on SL to remember is that everyone has RL that , for a balance person, must remain the priority in ones life. That being said, it’s unfair, really for anyone to expect someone to always be available to you to RP or play the role that you are expecting from them. I think its important to be clear about what your mental health capacity is and what you are going through personally, the more vulnerable you can be the closer you can become to people and connect and be able to trust that they wont leave you hanging or abandon you. Use your intuition and take your time. I never thought to myself that “I want SL parents” but I did intend to find family. I thought it would be with Wav, us being parents and building that way. But source had another experience in store for me on the grid I never thought would happen for me!

So yea we been getting all the details ready for Juneteenth Jam and people have already begun to set up their vending booths! Its dope af to me, I really am praying this event will plant seeds of unity and engagement amongst like minds and good people on the grid. No drama, no inner wound triggers or illusions of division keeping us from sharing and enjoying the fact that we are more alike than different amongst the afro-indigenous diaspora. (I started rambling so I cut that half out and moved it to the end of this blog post, I am just like my pops we can go on and on about the movement and why its important lmao) The point I was saying is Juneteenth will be litty! Plain and simple, gunna be so much fun! We’re gunna have dancers, mystory foods, art, and even have H.E.R performing! All are welcome it will be on the Meroe Museum campus.

Now I am offering Aura photos at the botanica for 500L so join the group iw for Starseds. so that you can get notice, or join mystory ad group ill also advertise in there too. Here are a couple examples,which one do you like best? Closer up or the second way?

My aura giving big creative with the intuitive touch.

Inari is such a flirty cosmic tantric bae. Haha. I love.

There is a whole set up at TheBlvd where you put your palm to be able to capture your aura this how it go.

I was happy to finally get back into editing and filming things. I am excited to I continue doing more and exploring whatever ideas my mind whats to express.

This oast week i discovered the oldest structure in SL, its called “The Man” on Philips Hill http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Natoma/59/209/45 (here goes the rest of my diaspora unification rant ) We all share so much and the more we can work together and show unity in all ways of life the more we can generate the healing we need for our people. Through example. Even if its just RPing what our utopian societies would look like, or just RPing living together in unity haha simple things have big impact. Makes one think “how can I replicate this experience in my day to day?” Thats why I love the way SL is advancing, giving POC creators more visibility and making more initiative to have people make connections again, which to me was the core beauty of SL, how connections can be made! [end rant]

I applied and got into the new Mentor program with SL and thats the vibes that my app was giving haha,and its real. 12 years on the grid I experienced quite a bit. XD I find these places my OG way just exploring on the map and I thought to myself, of course I run into these places. SL is an extension of the spiritual journey it is like reflection of the astral plane in a digital landscape.

SL got Soul.

[islandpcosjourney]

Our IVF future

11th May 2023

It has taken a whole month to get around to finishing this blog post!

Our first Assisted Conception Unit appointment at Ninewells Hospital, Dundee took place on the 11th April. We arrived home, a couple of days after our screening appointment (talk with doctor, blood tests, weight/BMI). We were mentally exhausted.

We’d had a few months to mentally prepare for this trip, although nothing could’ve prepared me properly, really. We signed all the online consent forms, watched all the videos, spoke to people who had been before and still we arrived, and I was stressed out. Well, more numb with anxiety than stress but there was that overwhelming feeling of “what on earth are we doing?!”. It didn’t feel right, I felt I shouldn’t be there, it definitely felt unfair we’d had to go down this route, this was not how it was meant to be, this was not how I’d envisaged our child being brought into the world. In that moment, I wanted to be anywhere else except sitting where I was – in the corridor of a “shopping centre”, the entrance area to the main part of the hospital, which felt massive and overwhelming in itself, nothing like our own Western Isles Hospital, a “cottage” hospital in comparison.

I’d been heavily distracted for the past week with the Edinburgh International Harp Festival. I’m on their organising committee so I had plenty to do each day which was great for taking my mind off the impending “unknown”. I was down in advance on my own, but Kevin flew down to Edinburgh the day before our appointment to join me. I was fine up until that point. Buzzing with energy, all smiles, my happy self. Monday morning I was giddy with excitement and then BAM! - plane delayed and all energy zapped. It really was like someone pulled the plug. I was all psyched up to be reunited with him again, had just got into the car and started the engine when his message came through and then all plans changed, and I had hours to wait around for more news. It doesn’t sound like a big deal; a plane being delayed but honestly it felt like an eternity waiting to see him. We are cuddle monsters. Kevin firmly believes that cuddles fix everything. I am more realistic that they soothe but do not “cure”. At this point, all I wanted was a cuddle. My anxiety kicked in big time.

So, this was the start of the numbness for me. I noticed a few people asking if I was ok. Clearly I had that glazed look on my face which gave them more of an insight into my inner world than I’d been giving away all weekend. Most people close to me know what’s going on. Most people around the festival knew as I was having to excuse myself the next day to attend our appointment and I’m not exactly shy about bearing all when it comes to our journey. The more open I am, the better, as this really isn’t anything to be ashamed of. I am very happy to talk to anyone about what we’re going through – whether it’s bad or good, traumatic, or ecstatic. People should know what a rollercoaster ride it is because until you ride it, you almost think it’s the most exciting news to hear that we’re starting IVF. More on this at a later date.

By the time Kevin eventually arrived, I was no longer the excited wife I had been hours previous. I was an anxious mess, and I was picking fights about trivial things – typical for me. I know Kevin was annoyed but he did his best to calm me down, accepting fault where there was none, just to keep me quiet. He shouldn’t have to do this, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, but I’m glad he’s learnt a little over the years on how to help me in these situations. He doesn’t always get it right but credit where credit’s due, he’s a good egg really.

That evening something happened at the festival which sent me over the edge. I am still processing that event, so I won’t talk about it now, but both my Mum and Kevin knew exactly what I needed – to get out of that building, go home to watch a film, decompress, cuddle, and focus on tomorrow. In actual fact we ended up going to Lidl and buying favourite foods to comfort us the following day 😂 I had been on a strict juicing regime for a number of weeks and was determined to weigh-in well under the BMI of 30 limit, so I for one was very much looking forward to my first few bites of chewable food after our appointment! I don’t believe in juice being a “diet” I follow but when needs must and I was still trying to lose Christmas weight, yes I was having to restrict myself. By the time we got home and got Kevin settled in, all we were good for was falling asleep in each other’s arms. Nothing is more comforting than Kevin’s shoulder ☺️ I keep saying it was made specifically for me. Sounds soppy but as Kevin was born exactly 10 weeks (to the day) before me, I believe God moulded me to fit him perfectly.

Tuesday morning, the day of our appointment, and I hadn’t slept well. I unfortunately had the previous night’s shenanigans going round and round in my head, which needed a good decompression session with Mum, so that’s what we did early morning. Kevin was able to switch off from it all and just wanted us to focus on Dundee, so we did. However, my anxiety was now at a much higher level, and I was snapping, at everyone. Mum knew to avoid any conflict. Kevin hasn’t really learnt not to wind me up but that also might’ve been his way of coping too. It’s not easy for the menfolk who don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. Us women, we talk until the wee hours, about anything and everything but Men find other ways to express themselves, or not. I admit I hadn’t been able to log back into our online accounts (everything is done online with this facility), to find the very specific instructions on how to access the ACU once we arrived at Ninewells – I hadn’t written it down when we’d watched the video a few months previous, but it couldn’t be that difficult, right?! Plus, we were leaving 2hrs before our appointment time and it only takes 1hr15mins to drive through to Dundee – surely that was enough time?!

Arriving at Ninewells was a nightmare! So many different roads, buildings, car parks (9+ car parks?!) which one to choose?! Admittedly we did get a bit shouty at each other but tried our best to navigate the stressful situation to just choose a place to park and take it from there. Fortunately, we ended up at the closest one to the main entrance (we’ll try that one again next time!) and then had plenty time to be able to find the ward (although we didn’t know how far away it was so my panic-stricken head was still going at a million miles an hour worrying we’d be late even though we had 15mins to find it). We actually arrived too early, the ward was closed for lunch and had a very clear sign on the door saying it wasn’t open until 1330, the time of our appointment. There were also many signs in the corridor also telling us not to loiter, so we had no choice but to wander back to the entrance hall area and kill time, thus making my anxiety much worse. Kevin stopped us several times, hugged me, and kissed me on the forehead. I really appreciated this as I know how much he hates PDA and will not do it, so for him to comfort me like that is huge. He didn’t say much, he didn’t need to, he knew I was hurting and knew I just simply needed him by my side. I knew by how quiet he was that he wasn’t ok either, in his own way, but he was trying to be strong for me. 

Once we went back and the door was open, we had to register at reception – hand over our photo ID and get pictures taken for their records (it was quite funny when Kevin couldn’t find where to look at the camera that was taking our picture 😂). Once that was done, we didn’t even get to sit down, we were told to follow the doctor down the corridor – who was this? I was struggling with wearing a mask again, feeling claustrophobic and hot – but just had deal with it, to just keep going. We didn’t catch the doctor’s name and I struggled to follow exactly what he was saying – a bit mumbled under the mask and couldn’t place his accent. We were expecting, having been told by my Gynaecologist that we’d be offered IUI first, to be given options or for everything to be explained to us but NO - straight into questions about our past, medical procedures, conditions. It was very clinical. I don’t even remember if he asked us how we were? I suppose I was expecting some kind of compassionate pleasantries to try to make us at ease, introduce us to the unit/procedures etc. I felt like we’d been shoved into the room in the middle of the conversation and had missed the first part. Looking back, I know now that we’re just on a conveyor belt, these doctors do this day in/day out and we’re just another couple being added to the daily ritual, but I still feel that there should be an element of care, an element of “let me look after you and show you the way”. If we hadn’t had watched ‘Alex Jones’ Making Babies’ documentary beforehand, let me tell you, we’d have been LOST BEYOND BELIEF!

He rushed through the IVF process (bypassing the point where clearly it had been decided beforehand that we weren’t to be offered IUI, presumably based on the test results carried out back home?). He showed us diagrams and pictures and fleeted back and forth between talking “at us” and pointing at stuff. He explained they’d be using the ICSI process for us, which is directly injecting the egg with 1 specially chosen sperm. “Any questions?”, he asked. I was numb but I knew there were a few things I wasn’t sure about:

We lived hundreds of miles away – how would that work with appointments? When might we be required to stay down for a few days etc? He pointed at a timeline, and I understood coming back on Day 21 for an injection to stop my ovaries working 😳 and to learn how to inject myself, go away for 2 weeks then a scan, go away for a week then return for a trigger injection before egg collection, he said maybe we’d want to hang around for a few days at that point, but he couldn’t be specific. I appreciate every situation is different, but I needed to sort out, in my head, whether I can work in-between times or not. Clearly I wasn’t going to find out the exact nature of our treatment that day!

I also pointed out that Kevin works away – no problem he said, “You’re down for a June start. You can postpone, not prepone or we can freeze his sperm so that we have it available to us when we require it” – oh good, let’s get the good stuff out of him before he goes away to sea, then his part is done, easy 🥴 At no point do I want to go through any of this process without Kevin by my side. Clearly, this clinical process, will have me doing exactly that and HAVING to deal with it.

Back to the appointment in hand. Nobody at any point explained what the process would be that day. We’d been told to allow a few hours for the appointment but nothing more detailed than that. I didn’t know if Kevin would be asked to surrender his swimmers today or what. He at least told us that he’d be ordering blood tests for Kevin, which no documentation had told us would be happening, in fact we’d been told the opposite when I enquired as to why he hadn’t been mentioned on any paperwork - that Kevin would not be requiring any tests 🤷🏻‍♀️. He made it sound like he was interested in exploring Kevin’s history of testicular surgery, to which we got very excited about – this is what we’d been wanting for years! But 4wks later, it turns out that wasn’t the case, they were just your standard screening tests for infections & chromosomal abnormalities etc. I might still ask if it’s being explored or at least get an answer as to why not.

He left the room for something, and Kevin grabbed my hand – familiarity, comfort, support – I felt fear but at least he was beside me & he knew what I needed in that moment – reassurance in the touch of his warmth. When he came back he said we’d be next seen by the nurse. We didn’t have time to process the info we’d just been given before we were up again and moving rooms, following someone else – who was this person now?

Sorry this is taking so long…….. & well done if you’ve got this far!!

In the room with the Nurse, I could tell this guy was more of a people-person than the consultant but I was still being very quiet and appearing traumatised – he could tell this, a very receptive nurse. Question after question being asked of us. I knew my answers were short and quiet, I knew this wasn’t me and I have since learnt this is the way my “trauma brain” works – protection in the form of shut-down. By the time he got to the question about “any anxiety or depression?” I was able to respond in a more Màiri fashion, “oh yes, lots of anxiety!”. After this, not only did I start feeling better, but the nurse began to realise that I was relaxing and as soon as the first joke came out of my mouth (when Kevin was getting his bloods taken), he said “see, there you go, you’re relaxed now” and the acknowledgement was all I needed to let go and be myself again. After that, there was no stopping me. I liked this nurse; I could say anything I wanted in front of him. My attitude to the whole day completely changed in the blink of an eye. If nurses like him were going to be looking after me throughout this process, I knew I’d be fine. The nurses are the caring ones, the swans who are furiously paddling underneath while holding it altogether on the surface so elegantly. As far as I can tell, the consultants swoon in, do their magic trick and fly out again, leaving behind a possible trail of destruction or devastation where the nurses have to pick up the pieces. They’re the ones who make the NHS, who keep it going and who will keep me safe during this process and I was suddenly at ease with it all, knowing that this guy had my back. 

In terms of our tests, we were told in our letter that I’d get 3 tests performed - AMH (egg reserves), smoke test & weight. They only took one vial of my blood whereas poor Kevin had to give 4, my weight was in check, a BMI of 29.07 (yay), no carbon monoxide test was performed (well I’m not a smoker anyway, so we couldn’t understand why this was going to be performed on me, especially as it’s Kevin who’s the ex-smoker anyway!🤷🏻‍♀️) and as a precaution, he did an ECG on me, as I’d had a catheter ablation on my heart back in 2014 and they wanted to know that all was still well, which it was.

There was still LOADS to process but 1hr and 15mins after registering at reception, we were on our way out again – traumatised by it all, but having been through it together, holding each other, supporting each other, we left with the overwhelming feeling of “what just happened?” to then go and console one another in the car park and decide where to have my first proper meal in weeks 😂

First thing’s first – our Lidl buy the previous night – Chocolate tear & share brioche! My favourite! Kevin took a cheeky photo of me eating the brioche in the car, beaming with glee, not only at the sweet taste but from the giant sigh of relief. We’d finally got here, we’d achieved that. We weren’t sure what was happening next but at least we’d stepped on the first rung of the ladder. Next step was chicken in my opinion – dirty chicken. KFC!! I know it’s naughty, I know there’s plenty other nicer places but at 2.30pm in the afternoon and wanting to get back to Edinburgh for the evening concert, we weren’t going to be very picky. Kevin directed me as I a) had no clue where we were and b) had no clue where we were going. Left, right, carry on, straight ahead, 2nd exit etc. Miles later, I was convinced we were going in the wrong direction i.e.. further away from Edinburgh but then I turned a corner – Nando’s! 🤩 “Shall we go there instead?” I said. “Yes darling, did you really think I’d take you to KFC?” 🥰 He loves me 🥰 He really knows me 🥰 AND IT WAS SOOOOOOO TASTY!

[preciouslandmermaid]

nothing’s gonna hurt you baby (carmy x f!reader) - Part 7

Note: I want to say, again, thank you to everyone supporting and showing love for this fic and these (points) dumb main characters. Stan Ted for clear skin.

Warnings/Tags: Angst, Comfort, Talking about death/Mikey’s death. (cw: mentions of suicide). 

Synopsis: Jimmy offers you a favor, but it feels more like you’re helping him out rather than the other way around. However, a wedding is incomplete without the wedding cake, and you cannot afford to say no.

Lake Michigan is haunted by more than a few ghosts for you and Carmy.

(Read on Ao3)  /// (Masterpost)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You walked into the kitchen from the back delivery door to see Ted dancing to a remix of a pop song. On the front of his navy t-shirt was ‘Cookie Rookie’ in white cursive with a little half-eaten cookie on the curve of the final ‘e.’

“Ted.” You stifled your laughter. “What are you doing?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Making a TikTok for the bakery.”

You stared at him for several, quiet and stupefied seconds. “Jesus Christ,” You said emphatically before shaking your head in disbelief and walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks ago, your incredible success at the Spring Festival garnered thousands and thousands of new followers on the Cookie Rookie’s social media. Even Chicago 6 News scheduled an interview for next week: a mere three days before your opening.

It wasn’t a surprise that Jimmy heard about your triumphs.

The surprise came in the form of him asking you to provide the wedding cake for his brother-in-law.

Jimmy said. “But I’m not paying you, alright? This is exposure.”

You cradled the phone into your shoulder while writing a check to pay those who built a custom neon-sign with your bakery’s name. “I can’t help but feel like we have plenty of exposure. Don’t you follow us on Instagram?”

“No, I don’t follow you Instagram!” Jimmy quipped, “I’m not sixteen years old.”

You clicked your tongue. “Fair.”

“It’s not even a big wedding. It’ll be an easy job.”

“Again, you’re asking for free labor.” You pressed. “I am paying my people even though we’re not open yet.”

“That sounds fucking counter-intuitive.”

You shrugged. “I’ve got the funds for it.”

Technically, the money within your grandfather’s account was meant to be used as a safety net in case anything went wrong after opening. However, you were confident that your opening weekend would payback those funds two-fold. You hired Leslie, Ted, and Dani and they deserved to get paid even if they were only coming in on their own time to practice their bakes.

“Fine.” He huffed. “I’ll pay you.”

You gave him your rate and wrote down the specifications for the cake itself onto your planner.

“When’s the wedding?” You asked before lifting your cup of coffee to your lips.

Jimmy answered, “Tomorrow.”

You spat coffee onto your open planner and coughed. Your eyes watered and you wiped your mouth with your fingers. Tomorrow?! Was he insane? You cleaned the warm coffee off your desk with a tissue. Unfortunately, it quickly soaked through the thin material, and you were left with coffee-stained fingers and damp paperwork. Many weddings were planned months in advance with multiple taste tests of the cake depending on the finicky nature of the wedding couple. You never heard of anyone getting a three-tiered wedding cake for an elopement.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, dude.”

“I’ll double your going rate.” He offered. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s a shotgun wedding, okay? The soon-to-be newlyweds aren’t picky. Just make a halfway decent wedding cake so it convinces her relatives they had this whole thing planned.”

Jimmy wanted you to make a wedding cake just to save his brother-in-law’s ass from getting into trouble with his girlfriend’s family. He would pay you double and grant your bakery additional attention. There was a chance this wedding was going to be messy as hell. You had no other choice but to answer—

“Alright, yeah. We’ll do it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You made the icing for the cake and improved upon your own recipe. It was the same white frosting with a hint of sharp lemon that Carmy tried all those weeks ago. You bit down on your smile while spreading it across the cakes with a steady hand. Ted piped a gorgeous array of white roses along entirety of the bottom tier. Dani decorated the top layer with sugar pearls and arranged them, so the pearls spilled from the top layer and onto the middle. It was simple, elegant, and tasted delicious.

You folded your arms over your chest and admired your combined efforts.

Ted clapped a hand on your shoulder. “Not bad.”

“Nope.” You smiled. “Not bad at all.” You snapped a picture and sent it to Carmy. His response arrived while you were driving to the wedding.

‘Who’s getting married?’

‘Jimmy’s brother-in-law.’

You climbed out of the passenger seat when his reply buzzed inside your pocket.

‘Richie assumes he burned our invitations.’

You smiled and quickly typed back, ‘A travesty.’

You and your bakers transported the cake out of the car and to the display table underneath the large, white tent pavilion. Jimmy shook your hand, grateful and relieved, and palmed you wad of cash. You tucked it surreptitiously into your pocket.

“Stick around, kid. Have a glass of wine.” Jimmy made an annoyed face, “Lord knows I’m gonna need one.”

You bit the inside of your cheek and nodded. You didn’t particularly enjoy weddings. But, you would have a front seat to any of the drama if you stayed. You walked to the edge of the tent and looked out at the gray waters of Lake Michigan that stirred with a gentle breeze. Your throat prickled and you roughly swallowed it back.

You were small and following your grandfathers’ back. He turned to look at you, smiling, his large palm soft and solid in your little hand. The sunlight beamed across his profile and burned the rest of the memory into white, blinding, glorious light.

Dani said, “Jefe?”

You flinched and quickly wiped a single rogue tear with your fingertips before turning to her. “Yes?”

Her warm, brown eyes narrowed. “Are we staying?”

“Sure!” You sniffed, then nodded, “Take advantage of the open bar, yeah?”

Ted beamed behind Dani’s shoulder, “Say no more, Boss!”

Dani lingered by your side for a second longer before walking away and you were glad for it. Any gentle word or touch at this point would crush you. You wrapped your arms around your middle and hide your face toward the sparkling lake. Nothing changes. Your fingertips dug into your upper arms and the slight pressure grounded you. Crying about it changes nothing. Let’s not lose our cool during our first gig. You squeezed your arms a little harder and tucked away those sweet, summer memories before everything in your life shattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You lost track of how many glasses of champagne you drank before they finally cut the cake. Dani wept, though you weren’t sure if it was because of The Wedding or The Wedding Cake. Ted had gotten no less than three women’s numbers and you were convinced that Leslie would go home with one of the bridesmaids. Your emotions teetered on a knife’s edge, and it was through remarkable self-control that you managed to not call Carmy for sex. You were a paragon of virtue. A saint. You had nerves of steel and a heart carved from ice.

Or so you told yourself while half-stumbling onto the empty, sandy beaches beside the wedding tent. The cool air bit your flushed skin. Can paragons and saints hallucinate? You wondered as you clutched the neck of an open champagne bottle.

“Carmy?” You said with soft uncertainty. The person standing on the beach had a Carmy-shape. The right height, you thought, and his jacket looked familiar. Your grip loosened on the champagne when he faced you. His eyes shadowed and hidden by a nondescript baseball cap. You felt strangely disappointed to not see them in their full tender and tired glory. He didn’t say anything, though you noticed his hands slide into the pockets of his coat.

You lifted your eyebrows. “Surprise?”

That got a reaction out of him. “W-what?”

“Last time we saw each other, you said I always show up and surprise you.” You explained with a vague gesture while holding the champagne. You brought the bottle to your lips and the bubbles fizzed up your nose—you sputtered and then laughed. Carmy pulled off his baseball cap and held the brim between his hands.

His words were so gently muttered that you almost didn’t hear them, “You do.” He looked past you and toward the fairy-lit tent filled with drunk Polish guests. “How’d it go?”

You beamed with pride burning hot inside your chest, “Fantastic.” An idea struck you like lightening.

“Wait! You can try it!” You grabbed Carmy’s hand and tugged him purposefully toward the tent. The sand wafted around your feet, catching on your pants, and into your socks. The fairy lights adorning the tent swirled like fireflies in your vision. Your heart sputtered, nervous and alive, at the solid and warm grip of Carmy’s fingers trapped within yours. The loud voice in your head that often screamed ‘what are you doing?’ was blessedly quiet.

His fingers twitched, but he didn’t pull away. “I don’t think Jimmy wants me crashing his brother-in-law’s wedding.”

You rolled your eyes, “Relax. I’ll hide you behind something and steal us a plate.”

“Foolproof.” He deadpanned and you grinned over your shoulder at him. You weren’t sure why Carmy was being pessimistic about your amazing plan. You released his hand near the side entrance of the pavilion beside a fake potted palm plant.

“I’ll be right back. I promise.” You said with severity and a furrowed brow. Carmy’s mouth thinned, but you didn’t wait to see if he smiled. You weaved through drunken wedding guests, passing white balloons and golden glitter, and stopped with a triumphant grin at the cake table. You set your champagne bottle down and replaced it with a plate carrying two pieces of your wedding cake. You shoved two clean forks into your back pocket and walked with urgency back to Carmy.

A small part of you feared you’d walk through the plastic flap and find empty air and sandy, receding footsteps. He had no reason to stick around and follow along with your silly, not-quite-sober idea. Your heart found a home inside your throat. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if he was gone. It would just be…a bummer.

Your breath exhaled in surprised, earnest relief when you stepped from the drunken noise and found him standing with his hands in his pockets. The myriad of twinkling lights reflected in his pupils and revealed a tiny, fleeting galaxy of undiscovered constellations. The flap closed behind you and the light returned to a muted, soft white.

You held the paper plate aloft with both hands, “Ta-da!”

Carmy smiled, fragile and quick, but your heart swelled with the sight of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You asked Carmy to hold the plate while you took off your shoes. You walked into the sand, sneakers dangling from your fingertips, with your other hand curled around his bicep to steady yourself. Neither of you spoke as you walked aimlessly before sitting down together. Your shoulders bumped together because your bodies couldn’t resist colliding like meteors. What did it mean when you moved in sync with someone? What about when you could hold a conversation through a look? You sighed and the sound rattled and loosened something heavy stuck in your ribs.

Carmy accepted the fork from your pocket and stabbed a piece onto the tines. You pillowed your chin on your clasped hands. This was different from the first time. You were hungrier, you realized, for his feedback. You had eaten his food and seen him work. You knew you improved, but it mattered that Carmy knew that as well.

His eyebrows raised. Your heart thumped. He blinked a few times, nodding, then finally lifted his eyes to meet yours. The world stopped spinning. Your blood rushed in your ears. Carmy’s coat was rough and scratchy from where it met yours. You shifted and your knee touched the side of his thigh.

“It’s fire.” He took another bite, “It’s really, really good. Damn.”

Shock registered on your face first, then melted like candle wax into sweet, soft joy.

You knocked his fork out of the way with your own, “I got two pieces, you know.” You teased with a dark look.

Carmy shook his head, bemused, and pulled the plate out of your easy reach, “You said you wanted me to try it.”

You laughed with incredulity. “And you have!” You glared at him, “That doesn’t mean you get to eat it all.”

His expression softened. The false, playful anger in your gut dimmed. His eyes were warm with amusement, long eyelashes kissing his cheekbones, a smudge of frosting on the corner of his mouth.

He looked at you expectantly with an edge of challenge in his jaw and said, “Yeah?”

Your stomach fluttered. You were drunk on inexpensive champagne and buried memories of your grandfather and cool, fragrant air and Carmy. His eyes, his tattooed hands, his imperceptible smiles, and wan laugh and you were hopelessly mystified.

It was a miracle you could string a sentence together, “Yes, Carmy—now share before I knock it into the sand.” You heard Carmy exhale shortly through his nose—his almost laugh. The sound of it was more intoxicating than any glass of champagne.

“Please.” You added as an afterthought.

He lowered the plate back between you and replied, “Only because you asked nicely.”

You took a wonderfully large bite of cake and smiled. You were so goodman proud of yourself. You hoped your grandfather would be proud of you. Your heart squeezed and memories leaked from their boxes. They spilled over your fingers like black ink, filling the lines and grooves your palms, reminding you of their impossible permanence and fluidity.

You faced the dark, gray waters of Lake Michigan beneath a dusky-blue sky and the truth loosened from your soul with ease. “Generally, I’m not a fan of weddings. I think they’re bullshit, but this one was OK even if their location is shit.”

In your peripheral, you saw Carmy’s face turned toward yours, and heard the faint smile in his voice, “what do you have against Lake Michigan?”

A lump lodged itself in your throat and your voice cracked around it. “I - I used to come here with my grandad when I was small…”

Hot tears prickled your eyelids and you managed to blink them away. “Before mom and dad split and she moved us away.”

“And it’s stupid, right? I know it’s stupid. To even think about any of that when I should be networking with the wedding guests. But I – I can’t. I can’t talk to them about Fourth of July cupcakes and birthdays or whatever other bullshit while standing in a place that meant so much to us.” You paused, “that still means so much to me.”  

You suddenly tore your eyes away from the hypotonic dark waters, “Fuck, I – I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just drop that all on you. Shit.”

You contemplated diving headfirst into the lake and swimming to Canada before you embarrassed yourself further.

“N-no, no.” He muttered your name. “I get it. OK. I do.”

“I don’t know if you – um – knew this or not. But, the Beef belonged to my brother, Mikey, and uh…he died a few months back and left it to me.” Carmy sniffed. “Actually, uh, saying he died doesn’t exactly cut it.”

There was a flare of unmistakable anger to his tone. Your gaze lifted sharply from the plate and fell upon Carmy’s agonized expression. It was as if sorrow and anger were at war with one another and trapped within a stalemate. His brow crinkled and his eyes stared, unfocused, toward the sand.

“He was an addict, which I didn’t know about, and he – uh – he killed himself. He shot himself.” He said and you flinched at his brusque tone. “We used to come to Lake Michigan all the time, you know? As kids. Especially when things were good with my mom.”

Cake icing stuck to the roof of your mouth and the usual response of ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ laid bitter and heavy on your tongue. The world glistened and blurred. You ducked your face away from Carmy’s to brush away the tears with your knuckles. You could imagine the burden on his shoulders. A burden similar yet dissimilar to your own. Your grandad lived a long, successful life and died of old age. He left you his legacy, polished as it was, just like Mikey left Carmy his. A wild, foolish part of you wished you could lessen the weight on his spine and ease the suffering on his face. It was impossible, of course. You couldn’t rescue Carmy from his own grief anymore than he could rescue you from yours.

But at least on this night below stars and ghosts – you weren’t alone.

He sighed. “So, yeah. I get it.”

You lowered your head onto his shoulder without saying anything else. You knew it was the champagne making you sleepy and melancholy, but that didn’t stop you from grazing your fingertips across the warm, exposed skin of Carmy’s wrist. You realized it wasn’t only Lake Michigan that harbored memories for him. The entire city of Chicago served as a reminder, and you wondered how Carmy survived without breaking down at every intersection.

He turned his palm upward. You slid your fingers between his and squeezed gently, though his fingers remained extended and did not curl inward toward yours. You sat in front of Lake Michigan, with a plate of wedding cake on your lap, beside a beautiful boy who terrified and thrilled you in equal parts.

“Hey Carmy?”

“Hm?”

You asked quietly, “Are we friends?”

He snorted lightly. “Y-yeah, I think so.” You heard him swallow. “I never had a lot of time for friends in New York.”

“Or here.” Something in his tone inspired you to raise your head from his shoulder. Whatever resolve you built against Carmy crumpled fast and sweet like cotton candy on your tongue. There was no use fighting it any longer. You wanted to know him. You were tired of denying yourself what you wanted.

You searched his face and knit your brow, “What do you mean?”

“I was a shy kid. I mean, Mikey was my best friend. At least, I thought he was until I realized he was everyone’s best friend, you know? That’s just who he was. He had – uh – this magnetic personality.” He said, gesturing with his hand, “and I don’t know—I got to New York, and everything got quieter, and I was focused, and I was determined, and Mikey cut me out of his life, and I cut people out of mine and I – yeah – I just didn’t…”

He licked his lips, then frowned. “I didn’t really try to make friends, I guess.”

You smiled tenderly. “You sound like me.”

The blue in his eyes flooded with warmth when he looked at you, “Were you anti-social or just highly competitive?”

You cast your gaze heavenward to the brilliant, dark sky with a rueful smile. “I wanted to be perfect.” You said.

“I thought it would make life easier if I wasn’t influenced by peer pressure. I avoided making friends, or socializing at all really, until Grandpa intervened. He made me get my shit together.”

Your laughter rasped wetly within your throat.

“I mean he really made me get it together. Mom was busy working and rebuilding her life, and Dad ran off with his perfect, secret family. I didn’t smoke at the time or drink, so I coped in other ways, and he—it sounds so lame, but he saw me.”

You whispered, “He was the only one who saw me.”

This was why you needed to make him proud. It was why you needed to be successful, competent, and perfect. You owed him. You needed to pay him back for those years of unwavering support. You never would’ve gone to college, never would’ve pursued this life, if you hadn’t spent your summers with him. He was – in many ways – a father to you.

You explained all of that to Carmy in a hurried, panicked tone before the tears started to fall. The words had spilled out of you like someone twisted a valve inside your brain.

You were usually better at this. You talked about your grandfather all the time to his old associates and business-friends. Except those people never asked about your childhood, or your memories of him, or the gray hole in your life that existed in his absence. None of those people could understand the depth of the loss you endured.

“Goddamnit!” You shouted, wiping your cheeks stained with evidence of your grief, “You can’t tell anyone you saw me cry.”

“Who would I tell?” He nudged your shoulder with his and his fingers finally enclosed around yours, “I have one friend, remember?”

“Hm.” You hummed around the fork tines with another bite of cake. “Good point.”

“What about Richie?” You asked.

“He’s a family friend.”

“Not your friend, though?”

Carmy shook his head, “I mean - I don’t know. I think he wants me to go back to New York.”

“Will you?”

A line formed between Carmy’s brows. “What?”

“Go back to New York.” You selfishly hoped he would stay no matter what happened. If you had enough time, then you could pursue something honest with Carmy. It could be solid, and tangible, and Good. And yes, it would likely end with your heart being broken, but at least the middle and beginning would be fun. You were cynical when it came to romance, or relationships, or God forbid--love. But openly talking about your rawest wounds in front of Carmy altered your perspective. Maybe a relationship was just finding someone who made you feel brave.

He stopped looking at the pavilion over your shoulder and met your eyes, “No.”

You bit back your smile.

Together, you finished the two slices of cake in silence with your forks occasionally clashing with a soft metallic ‘ping.’ You set the plate aside with a rock on the surface to stop it from flying off in the wind. You thought of his brother, his loneliness in New York and in Chicago, and the beast of burden in the shape of a struggling restaurant. You thought about your past and uncertain future. Carmy continued to hold your hand, calloused and warm, and you didn’t want this evening to end.

You asked the singular question weighing on your mind.

“Why do you think Mikey left you the restaurant?”

Carmy replied, “To fuck with me.”

The wind stirred your hair and it caught against your nose and lips. “You think so?”

“Shit.” He sighed heavily. “I – I don’t know. I have no fucking clue he was thinking. I wish I did. I wish I knew anything about him.”

Your heart splintered at his defeated, angry tone. You wished grief was physical, like a blanket, that you could remove from his shoulders. You wanted to do more for him beyond listening. You wanted to chase that hurt, angry look from his eyes with a broom and demand it never return.

“Tell me something you did know.” You said gently, “Something easy. Like…uh…I don’t know? His shoe size?”

Carmy snorted and leveled you with a disbelieving, flat look. He removed his hand from your grasp and pulled his cigarettes from his coat pocket. You waited while he lit up and admired the shadows flickering across Carmy’s face. The champagne no longer lingered in your veins. The bubbly, giddy feeling had only one culprit and it was the person beside you. He inhaled, exhaled smoke through his nostrils, and wordlessly held the cigarette out to you.

Sharing a cigarette was as close as you’d get to kissing him.

“Mikey was…” He licked his lips. “He was loud, and funny, and—he—he’d walk into a room, and he’d light it up, you know?”

You passed the cigarette back with a faint smile. You suspected his relationship to Mikey was a complicated one and you wouldn’t untangle it over the span of a single cigarette.

“He taught me how to ride a bike. Sugar—Natalie—I mean, my sister, too.” Carmy threaded his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what that says about him.”

“Sometimes, it’s less about what the memory says and more about how it makes you feel.” You shrugged. In your eyes, you thought Mikey must have a decent amount of patience and resolve to teach his younger siblings to ride a bike. Patience and determination were two traits that worked well within the restaurant business.

The cigarette dangled from his lips, and he shook his head slightly, before pressing his fingers to his mouth, and pulling it away. The vapor seeped through his teeth. Carmy’s expression was perturbed but he didn’t elaborate or share his thoughts. His eyes shined glassy and distant. Perhaps taking a walk down memory lane wasn’t what he needed right now. No worries.

You snatched the cigarette out from his fingers and the act startled him. You smiled with smoke unfurling in front of your eyes and distorting Carmy’s features.

“Come on.” You clambered to your feet and gripped onto Carmy’s muscled shoulder as you slid your sneakers back onto your feet. “My ass is getting cold sitting out here. Do you wanna take the L together?”

“What about the wedding?”

You scoffed, flicking cigarette ash onto the sand, “Jimmy didn’t pay us to stick around and help clean up.”

You reached down for him and wiggled your fingers, “The offer will expire in ten seconds.” You opened your mouth to start the countdown, but Carmy grabbed your hand, and you pulled him to his feet. He let you go immediately, and you chose to not think about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carmy watched the reflection of you in the glass across from his seat. You were half-asleep on his shoulder, your head nodding with the train’s movement, and your lips slightly parted. He hadn’t expected his night to take this type of turn after leaving the Al-Anon meeting. You had stood before him in the sand, your cheeks flushed and eyes dark, and Carmy convinced himself he was dreaming before you spoke. You were always surprising him - literally and figuratively.

He swallowed tightly at the memory of your tearful expression. He would never understand Mikey. He would never figure out his motivations, or decode his ciphers, but he was starting to understand you. You threw yourself into everything with passionate, courageous fervor. You hated when someone saw you cry. You chased perfection. You idolized your grandfather. You were forthright, and proud, and quick with dark, teasing looks and clever grins. You were a stubborn know-it-all and perpetually charming.

The intercom announced the next stop and you stirred. “Hmph. Carmy?”

He blinked down at you. “Hm?”

“It’s all real with you.” You muttered sleepily into his shoulder. “I can’t compartmentalize for shit when you’re around.”

His lungs expanded with a deep, full inhale. He reached out and tucked away a piece of your hair that fell into your face. His heart tripped with an uneven tempo. The train slowed, pistons hissing, and doors sliding opening beneath the harsh fluorescent lights. He knew your stop was next and loathed the idea of saying goodnight. He would ride this train, up and down the river forever, if it meant he could stay next to you.

He cleared his throat and said, “Your stop is next.”

“Ugh.” You grumbled, “Fuck off. I know.”

You sat up, leaning forward, and he missed the weight of your head on his shoulder the minute it was gone. You scrubbed your hands over your face, taking your phone out, responding to text messages with a bleary-eyed expression. His hands twitched in his lap. He wanted to settle his palm between your shoulder blades. He wasn’t a complete idiot. Normal people didn’t have urges like this about their friends. Maybe it was a side-effect of sleeping together but he didn’t know.

“You’re – um - you’re good to walk home, right?” He inquired carefully. He imagined where you lived and assumed it was better than his depressing apartment.

You nodded and glanced over your shoulder, “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight.”

He shrugged and aimed his tone for nonchalance, “What are friends for?”

You twisted your torso toward him, careful delight illuminated your eyes, “Did you really think our cake was good?”

“I thought it was better than just ‘good’.” He clarified, “I thought it was ‘fire’ which is the highest compliment a chef can give to another.”

You answering smile set his inexperienced, aching heart overdrive. The train slowed, its announcement crackling over the speakers, and you swayed when you stood. He caught the sleeve of your coat with his thumb and forefinger. Your eyes flickered down to his hand before meeting his gaze, quiet and cautious. A heartbeat echoed between you. He had few, precious seconds before you were gone, and he’d never guess when you might turn up again. You were across the street, yet it felt like you were a hundred miles away.

You said, “Night, Carm.”

“Don’t – um – don’t be a stranger, alright? You can - you can stop by anytime.” He swallowed nervously, releasing your coat, and scratching his forehead with his thumb nail. “Richie hasn’t shut up about you since you catered Eva’s party.”

“Please remind him that wasn’t me. That was Delilah.”

“Yeah, well, maybe he just wants to take Delilah out on a date or something.” Carmy guessed with a shrug.

It was a paltry excuse. Richie didn’t really talk about you that much beyond his joking quips and annoying assumptions. Carmy wanted you to come by regardless of the reason. He wanted to have another smoke break with you. He wanted to know more about your life, your past, hell - everything. Desire filled his chest, hot and bright and close to bursting. If only willpower alone could stop the train doors from opening.

“I can make that happen.” You pursed your lips. “She’s single.”

The doors slid open with a hiss. He exhaled your name in farewell. You stepped off the train onto the concrete platform. Carmy’s knee bounced in his seat. He leaned back, eyes toward the steel ceiling, and gleaming bars.

‘He’s the only one who saw me.’ He set his jaw in remembrance and was unable to shake the feeling that he felt the same way about Mikey. His older brother had been his best friend, his guardian, and his hero—the person who saw him—until he stopped looking. And no matter what he did, no matter the accolades, and the praise, Mikey never looked at him again. Never told him he was proud, or impressed, or that he was sorry for the years of silence. He sniffled, his tears sharp and prickly against his eyelids. He pinched the upper bridge of his nose and pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes.

He kept it together until he crossed the threshold to his apartment. The door slammed. His heart split. Carmy leaned his back against the door and sank to the floor with his hands covering his face. He wasn’t embarrassed to cry in the privacy and safety of his shitty apartment. His throat ached, his eyes burned, and twin rivers of snot trailed onto his mouth. For a long moment there was no other sound in the small hallway beyond his ragged, hiccupped breathing.

Until his phone vibrated in his pocket. He cleared his eyes with his fingertips. An overwhelming sense of anxiety and concern consumed him before he looked at his phone. What if the message was related to The Beef? What if someone was quitting? What if it was worse than that?

Your name glowed in blue-light on the screen.

‘What kind of coffee do you like?’

He pressed his lips together, blinking away the last of his tears, and slowly typed a response; ‘All of it.’

‘Heard.’ You said, followed by, ‘I expect nothing less from an insomniac.’

Despite the hollow, painful ache of missing his brother, Carmy laughed – a brief, dry sound. He clutched his phone between his fingers like al lifeline. An electric, unseen tether to you, and to the sense of grounding that you gave him.

‘Who said I was an insomniac?’

‘No one! I can sense these things.’ A short delay before the next message came through, ‘It takes one to know one, I guess.’

He got to his feet with a quiet grunt and peeled his jacket from his shoulders. He knew he needed to shower, but it would have to wait until tomorrow. He didn’t have the energy for it no matter how simple it seemed. He rinsed his mouth with mouthwash at the kitchen sink and collapsed onto the couch with a soulful, long exhale. He stared at his open text and every quiet, doubtful thought came rushing into his head with a bloodthirsty vengeance.

You deserved better. The more he understood you, the more you let him in, the more certain he was of that fact. He couldn’t and shouldn’t drag you into the shitshow of his life and all its barbed wire. He was a mess. You deserved someone functional, healed, and experienced. His time at Noma, or the French Laundry, didn’t mean shit compared to everything he didn’t know when it came to relationships – platonic or otherwise. He felt like he was bumbling through the dark, stepping on glass, and knocking over fine China.

The worst part was knowing that Mikey would know what to say to him. He’d have a quip, or some anecdote, or gravely spoken advice. Carmy set his phone facedown onto the coffee table without replying and turned his television on to Pasta Grannies.

His dreams were filled with tickertape, and smoke, and the curve of your profile just out of view.

(Part 8 )

[erwinsvow]

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 | 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧

author's note: sorry i just cannot stop writing headcanons! it's my favorite thing to write. i really hope everyone enjoys these, they include things from these two works of mine as well :) -shea

𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧

very much the involved boyfriend

once you guys finally start dating, he just immediately wants you guys to merge lives and share friends, even though that’s not a simple process

but it’s really because he cares about you so deeply he doesn’t want there to be a part of his life that you’re just not involved in

therefore; very involved

you guys manage your schedules together and plan out dinners and dates in advance

he mostly really likes having something to look forward too, like time with you

the kind of boyfriend that remembers little stuff you say here and there

like if you mention your mom’s birthday is coming up, he’ll ask later what you’re getting her and suggest some ideas. probably would send your mom flowers too to earn brownie points

or if you have a stressful week with exams and papers, he’ll stop by randomly with coffee and a snack and a hug

i honestly don’t see jean as the kind of boyfriend to start/carry on a fight, because he would hate knowing that you two are upset with each other. so i think any fights would be resolved pretty quickly

if one did happen to go over night or last a few days, he would definitely apologize first and bring you flowers, even if you were the one who started it

honestly though, with a guy like jean, what is there to fight about

overall, just a super caring boyfriend that makes the little stuff the memorable stuff

𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐭

the! best! boyfriend! ever!

i see armin as the ideal caring boyfriend

he just really likes to have someone to take care of, and he is also really touched that someone trusts him enough to ensure their heart to him

so he takes every measure to make sure he’s being the best partner he can be

a lot of emotional sharing, and i feel like would happen pretty early on as well

only because he is so trustworthy and you know you can tell him everything on your mind, even stuff that you maybe haven’t told anyone else

this just makes your relationship progress even further. you two are the couple that has been dating for a month but knows they are going to be together for a long time

speaking of, you are the mom and the dad of the friend group, which is so adorable but calls for a lot of teasing from your friends

but armin knows he’s going to marry you one day, so he just laughs when eren cracks another joke about it

𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐧

i’ll be real, this relationship is definitely not the easiest

reiner definitely loves you, don’t get me wrong, but a big part of him probably thinks he doesn’t deserve someone like you to care about him

which isn’t easy in a relationship because i feel like he would try and distance himself from getting too attached in the beginning

maybe he just thinks you’re going to see through him and realize you don’t want this anymore (which is not true at all, but just his intrusive thoughts)

i think you would try to reassure him about your feelings and how much you want this relationship, but then he feels like you shouldn’t have to reassure him, and that you shouldn’t be in the kind of relationship where you have to reassure the person. basically he thinks you deserve someone better, and you know that there is no one better for you

eventually i think this reaches a breaking point. through a lot of angst and honesty and tears, you two finally work it out

i think after clearing things up, things take a huge turn for the better

he definitely learns that there’s nothing wrong with being a relationship where you have to take care of each other, and he’s definitely thankful that you continued to stand by him

so sorry about this angst, but on the bright side, this man would be such a devoted boyfriend

his friends definitely make fun of him for looking at you like you hung the stars and moon in the sky

i also think all this angst would lead to you two being really open and vulnerable with each other, which is really important to him

also definitely a mama’s boy and can’t wait to introduce you to her

just like armin, he knows you’re gonna be his wife someday

𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫

even though i think it would take eren a long time to settle down and commit to a healthy, long-term relationship, once he does, he would be a great boyfriend

he is a really caring guy, and i feel like part of his hesitance is about opening up to someone if they’re just gonna leave

but i think he can tell early on that this would be different

i have a feeling his love language is quality time, and so you two are always planning little things together

he especially loves last-minute, impromptu dates that arise from a random thought

like he’ll grab two sandwiches and take you to the beach at sunset, even if you just got home or had something to get done

or knock on your door at midnight and take you to the nearest roof to stargaze together

i feel like eren is the boyfriend who becomes your closest friend over time

you guys go to each other first when you need to rant or talk or babble endlessly

it’s an interesting dynamic but it works well for you guys

the kind of bf that people assume he’s a single bachelor and will stay that way forever, or people don’t believe that he’s settled down, and then when they see you two together they’re shocked

𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐨 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐭

you and marco have the most wholesome relationship

if i had to picture anyone whose relationship feels like the honeymoon phase even after a whole year, it is marco

he has a habit of making every small date, every meeting or interaction just feel so special, like every day is a special occasion

the kind of boyfriend who gets you a promise ring early on with every intention of replacing it with an engagement ring and wedding band one day

a big moment for him is introducing you to his friends! he knows they’ll love you, and he just wants you to meet the other most important people in his life

especially you and jean, this boy would be on cloud nine seeing you two get along so well. makes him super happy and teary-eyed

the responsible bf who takes care of everything for you, even little, everyday things so you don’t have to worry about it

like making sure there’s a cup of water on the nightstand when you go to bed, or setting an extra alarm to make sure you don’t oversleep, or reminding you about a deadline

overall just <3 boyfriend marco

𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

the nonchalant, cool boyfriend who has to hide how sappy he actually is

pretends like he’s not nervous as all hell on your first date. acts like you leaning into him on the walk back home, or kissing his cheek at your doorstep before you say good night isn’t giving him heart palpitations.

also majorly touch-starved. after you two really open up to each other, which happens way sooner than he expected, it’s hard for him to keep his hands away from you.

he’s reserved in public, a simple arm around you waist or hands interlaced while you guys are out

but when you’re in the privacy of your home, it’s almost instinctual for him to pull you close

he loves when you lay your head on his chest, but nothing compares to when you let him lay his head on yours.

you stroke his hair and sit in silence, appreciating the quiet mumble of the television and the sound of each other breathing

always falls asleep like this, and he’s never been much of a nap guy, but ever since he met you, he’s reformed

not to mention your skin is always so warm and soft, and his is always on the colder side, so he’s just drawn to you

also i see him as the kind of guy who proposes out of nowhere, like you aren’t expecting it at all after a quiet dinner together at home, you’re getting up to grab dessert and he pulls out a ring

“how about dessert and naps for as long as we both shall live?”

𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐨 𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐝

once again, pock tries to put on a tough facade but we all know he’s just a softie on the inside

in fact, it’s a little while into your relationship that you notice him softening up with you, trying less hard to seem like someone else and getting more comfortable around you

you definitely don’t mention it, because you don’t want him to realize how you’ve been noticing it lately, but it definitely makes your chest feel warm and fuzzy at the thought of him being more himself

it’s not long at all before you can’t even see any semblance of that tough guy you met for the first time

the kind of whipped boyfriend that carries your bags when you go shopping, grabs your coffee order on the way to visit you, and likes to have quiet nights in more than going out

your favorite memories with him include watching rom-coms and munching on popcorn in his apartment, everyone else out and about on a saturday night

the leftover pizza is sitting on the counter, and you turn to go put it away when you notice pock teary-eyed at the movie!

yes, this boy cries at sappy romantic movies and you regret ever putting on the notebook that one night because you wanted to get laid after and that just did not happen because he was crying too much

but also just treats you so right and has every intention of being the best boyfriend he can, doesn’t ever want to do anything to hurt you and is highkey very glad he met you and has someone to be so open and comfortable with!

𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫

can you spell boyfriend material.

the most comforting, wholesome boyfriend in the world. you actually can’t believe he’s single when you guys meet for the first time, because there’s just no way.

this is the take him home to meet your parents guy, introduce him to your friends right away guy because you know it’s serious

i talked about how bertholdt is the bf who just listens to your talks and rambles for as long as you need to, and always offers advice and sweet words, but he really does take it to the next level

lets you cry it out when you need to, rubbing your back and hair softly and not minding when his shirt is covered in tears

or alternatively lets you rant about your annoying professor or a terribly rude stranger or whatever else is plaguing your mind today

texts you every day asking how you’re doing, always calls you before bed if you guys aren’t together

he just has the ability to make you feel so heard and seen

and of course you never forget to take care of him, as well. it makes for a really comfortable dynamic.

very easy to imagine spending the rest of your life with him despite the fact that he has kicked you off the bed multiple times in his sleep

𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐡

alternatively, husband material

takes all of five minutes into having a conversation with him to realize this is a responsible, mature guy

which are usually far and few between

i’d like to think he’s similar to marco in the way that he likes to make sure things are taken care for you, he likes to get things off of your shoulders even though you feel like you should be doing it for him instead

this translates to a lot of checking in phone calls, making sure you’ve eaten dinner and haven’t skipped meals because of your busy schedule

always makes time for you and especially loves having date nights every saturday, it’s wonderful when you haven’t been able to see him all week

anyways, you get engaged and married so fast bc you just had to snatch him up