#we just cant let kids (this is a story about sex demons) see these people and think that lifestyle is okay alright?

[lunarflare64]

*tries to make a cishet ordinary guy mcplain face OC*

Five minutes later

"Actually he's transmasc and has whore eyes and he's a wheelchair user"

[littlemissy98]

I loved how you held me. I love how you could read my mind. I love how connected we were. I loved that even though our space was hectic, when things were good I felt so safe with you. Our souls would collide. We’ve known each other for awhile. In other life times I believe we’ve stayed in each others lives longer. I love your eyes. I love your touch. I love how in sex I didn’t really have to be on top. I love how you made me feel like I’m the only woman to exist. I love how you made it appoint to let me know how you felt about me in every passing moment. I know you were fighting demons and past traumas and still learning about yourself. I just cant allow myself to be collateral. You are absolutely such a funny guy. You love to see people smile. Any chance you get you would help anyone. You would give the shirt off your back, truly. You’re so creative. I loved the stories and scenarios you would come up with. I loved your different perspective sometimes. I loved how dramatic and dark you are. I love the emotion. I see the kid in you. You allowed the kid in me to exist. Thank you so much. I’ll miss staring into your eyes. Thank you for making me feel so beautiful, like a princess. You did so much and it was enough, it just didn’t outweigh how bad our situations were. You were always so encouraging and uplifting. You are so full of love when the world has shown you a lot of hate. I think if you met me when I was a teen we would have ran away together for sure. I love you. And I will never forget you, it’s going to be hard to. It’s life shattering not to have you here. I wish you all that life has to offer. I want you to find peace, love, happiness, beauty (in the world), self love, I wish you success, financial abundance, all that you want. The world is yours. May you forever be protected and carry my love around with you 💗 thank you for your love energy and all the warm memories. You have so much to give, I really hope you pour that into you. ✨

[cosmicjoke]

Why cant people understand that Yashiro CANNOT live without sex? He literally told Aoi that from the very beginning, that should be biggest clue to us audience that he CANNOT live without it since he went through abuse since he was 10 yo up to his Highschool. And was obviously manipulated into "liking" it. I think there was a small monologue of him saying his stepfather lost interest in him since he grew up, like Yashiro himself was disappointed he grew up and now the sex was stopped. How fucked up is that to even be disappointed the abuse stop?!

I have never went through the suffering Yashiro went, but just imagining it make me want to die. Nanahara also said the same thing. It's a freaking addiction he cannot just easily give it up. I bet these kids wont easily give up their addiction to smut mangas/manhwas if we tell them to stop, they'll lash out on us. Even after becoming impotent he was still doing it, but that made him even more miserable. Imagine losing your taste but still need to eat. You cannot enjoy food anymore. It's painful to see him like that.

We can conjure up reasons why he (still) slept with Inami even after that alleyway scene; For obvious reasons he's his informant. Inami is a police personnel that can give Yashiro a heads up when to change shop location if a raid might comb through their place, I imagine. Another reason is I think is that his sex keeps him intact. The rough sex is all he has known. Of course we dont like it. It's ugly. But see, Yashiro is slowly letting go of that since meeting Doumeki again. Yes, that was an ugly meeting too, but Yashiro slowly letting go of the rope that is violent sex, his hands are tired now. That night with Doumeki 4yrs ago was a total shock, that to this day he's still trying to understand it. And we see it now deeeep down he does understand it's just a matter of fully accepting it. So be patient kids. Yashiro wants to hold on to something that wont hurt anymore, I mean I hope anyway.

ps. I want bitchslap Inami with a steel chair ribboned with barbwire.

pps. I hope the woman isn't a cliche BL plot. I hope she's there to actually HELP the two and not break them apart. It will make me tear my already thinning hair. lol

Yeah, I agree. People seriously need to show Yashiro greater patience and understanding. You make great points all around, about how sex is an addiction to him. And excellent point, about what Nanahara said, explaining to Doumeki that it's like smoking for Yashiro. Even if he wanted to stop, he couldn't. It's just not that simple. People so easily forget that Yashiro is suffering from very real, life-altering mental illness, but all they care about is him being "loyal" to someone whom he hasn't even seen in four years, and whom he never made any promises or commitments to. I'm frankly appalled by how some fans reacted to the last chapter, how they spoke so degradingly about Yashiro, saying shit like they were disappointed in him, or that Doumeki deserves better than him, etc... It exposed such a twisted lack of compassion. It made me sick.

Yes, Yashiro is making progress, but it's going to be gradual, and slow, and often heartbreaking and painful. Right now, Yashiro is suffering, deeply suffering, and anyone who has any kind of heart should express compassion and understanding for that. His one tool for coping with the trauma and pain of his past was having rough sex. It was the ONLY thing he knew, the only method he had for keeping the wolves at bay. And now it's gone, and he's just left floating in the middle of a raging ocean with no port, no place to find shelter from the demons of his past or the overwhelming emotions and agony of what was done to him. He isn't just going to be magically better, whatever that even means. His trauma is much too deeply rooted for that. If people can't understand that, then they shouldn't even be reading this particular manga.

And don't worry, nothing about this story has ever been a cliche, so I doubt it's going to be so now.

[confetti-bones]

Desire

Jungkook X Demon Reader

Genre: smut, comedy, angst kinda not really, this stories kinda on crack as well tbh

Warnings: language, smut

A/n: Hey so this fic was made out of me wanting to write a demon fic in some way and practice writing smut cus I’m pretty bad, so here you go, hope you all enjoy!

      You sigh as you lay in bed in complete comfort. Nothing beats the luxuries of laying in bed, I mean except for sex of course but that’s just because your an incubus. You were basically made by the devil himself to fuck the living daylight out of people who summon you.

     As you lay in bed, you felt a familiar feeling crawl through your body. Your being summoned. I wonder who it is this time? Some creep, someone innocent? You get all kinds of people summoning you.

     You quickly get up from bed and get ready. Noticing what looked to be a diary on your table. This must be what they sacraficed I’ll have to look at that later. You then walk out your door, which is now like a freaky portal thing that you can use when you get summoned by the way. You always enjoy the faces of horror you get when you step out of your portal.

     As soon as you walked through, you were met by a shocked man on the ground looking at your in horror.

A shocked handsome man on the ground looking at you in horror to be specific. You glance around the room you’re in and take notice that it looks to be a cheap apartment. Usually one that college kids live in, and looking at the man currently on the ground screaming, you’re pretty sure it’s safe to assume that he’s college age. Thank Satan, your not really into fucking underage kids, it’s not like your a pedophile.

    As you glanced around you heard what you assumed was the handsome man speaking now,

   “Who are you? What are you? Why are you in my apartment? What’s with the freaky portal?” Okay, lots of questions from this guy, he must not be a believer. You sigh before walking past the poor quivering boy and take a seat on his couch.

    “I’m Y/n, you summoned me,” you simply state, now looking down at your recently done nails In boredom. Petra did a really good job on these. I should ask for her again.

   “I summoned you? But demons arnt real?!” The poor man says, sitting up on the floor and crossing his legs. He didn’t look too terrified anymore which was a good sign.

    “Well sorry to tell you this kiddo but we are. Now where are we fucking?” You ask, excitely clapping your hands together and smiling.

The man looks as you with a face full of shock and confusion.

“What?” He asks, scooting backwards from you.

   “Oh? Are you not aware?” You tilt your head and smirk at the boy before getting up from his couch and moving to squat in front of him.

    “You summoned an incubus sweetheart,” you say, licking your lips sensually. The man’s eyes widen and he scoots even further back.

“What! Well I don’t want to have sex with you so can you just please go away?” The boy asks you. You shake your head at this and sigh,

“Sadly I can’t, as soon as you sacrificed your diary we became bound together, the only way I can leave is if we have sex,” you say, eyeing the boy curiously. Something about his aura is so pure. It makes you want to taint him.

“Can I have my diary back at least?” Jungkook asks. You shake your head, “sorry, it’s mine now” you shrug,

“Can we fuck now or what? Also what’s your name?” You ask, standing up from your spot on the floor.

“No we can’t, and my name is Jungkook” Jungkook states.

“Why not? You a virgin or something?” You pout. Jungkook awkwardly looks away and you cant help but laugh at the man,

“Ah, that explains why your auras so pure,” you say, walking back over to his couch and laying down on it.

“Anyway, just let me know whenever your ready, were tied together now so it’s not like I’m going to leave you alone kook” you say, giving the boy a small smile. Jungkook sighs and shakes his head before getting up from his spot on the floor and grabbing what looked like it was supposed to be holy water off his coffee table.

“Is that supposed to be holy water?” You ask, curiously gazing at the bottle. Jungkook enthusiastically nods his head,

“Yeah, I made it myself. So go away before I have to use it on you,” you raise an eyebrow at this and glance down at the bottle before looking back at the man’s face,

“No offense kid, but if you made it yourself, I highly doubt it works; also I haven’t even touched you so there’s no reason for you to use that stuff on me” you say.

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to take my soul” Jungkook states, crossing his arms. You laugh and shake your head.

“I’m not gonna take your soul, I’m just gonna taint your aura a bit. The only way I’ll take your soul is if we fuck like three or four times.” You state.

“Well I’m not having sex with you so just please leave, don’t taint my aura whatever that means.” You switch your position from laying down to sitting up on the boys couch and stretch your arms out.

“Alright, I’ll leave for today, this has gotten boring. Expect me back tomorrow though. Bye kookie” you say, waving your hand at the boy and smiling.

You’re then gone with a poof. You would of used your creepy portal, but you don’t think walking through his door to leave would look very cool so you decided this was the better way to go.

You then grab Jungkooks diary and hop on your bed. I wonder what this thing says.

…………………………………………………………………….

The next day you walk through your portal bright and early to give Jungkook a good scare. Maybe today you can convince him to fuck you, after all you did give him the rest of the night to think it over.

As soon as you entered your portal, you step out right in front of a screaming Jungkook while he lays in bed.

“Ah why do you have to scream do you know what time it is?” You ask, covering your ears from the window shattering screech of the man.

As soon as Jungkook relizes it’s you he stops screaming and cutely pouts at you.

“Why’d you have to come through with that creepy demon portal? And why are you here so early?” Jungkook asks. You just laugh and shake your head at the male before getting on the bed and straddling poor innocent Jungkook.

“I came early because I thought you’d be interested in morning sex. It’s not my preferred time, but it’ll do” you say, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. Jungkook sighs and shakes his head.

“Y/n, I told you I don’t want to have sex with you. Now get off of me”

“Why not?” You pout, trying to act cute; remembering something about Jungkook writing about how he likes cute girls in his diary.

“I’m busy, and I said no please get off,” Jungkook says. You sigh and stare at Jungkooks face for a few seconds before slowly getting off of him.

“What are you busy with?” You ask, watching Jungkook get up from his bed and head to his dresser to grab clothes to wear.

“I have class and I’m going to get food with some of my friends,” Jungkook states before turning back to you.

“Now will you get out? I need to change” you shake your head, and bite your lip eyeing the boys body.

“Why don’t you put on a show for me? I do like a good strip tease every once and awhile,” you say smirking. Jungkook shakes his head and looks completely done with you.

“Just get out please,” you then stand from the bed and walk to the door opening it. Before you leave you turn back to Jungkook and smile,

“Only because you asked nicely” you wink, before stepping fully out of the room and closing the door entirely, to give the male some privacy.

After Jungkook got dressed he made breakfast for the two of you surprisingly, and left to go to class. But being the persistent incubus that you are, you decided to follow him to class.

“Why did you follow me? I don’t think you can be here,” Jungkook says sighing as he digs his computer out of his bag getting ready for his lecture.

“It’s fine,” you say sticking your legs out so they rest on top of the desk that your sat at.

“Nobody can see me except for you,” you state,

“Oh. Can they hear me talking to you and stuff though?” Jungkook asks, glancing at you curiously. You violently nod your head at this and smile,

“Yep, so you probably look like an insane person talking to their self right now,” you say. Jungkooks eyes widen at this and he glances around checking to see how many classmates of his heard him ’ talking to himself ’ and you giggle.

Eventually the lecture started so you sat boredly sighing as Jungkooks professor went on about Satan knows what.

Once Jungkooks lecture was over, Jungkook left the classroom with you following closely behind.

As Jungkook walked down the hallway he accidentally bumped into a cute looking girl and his face instantly heated up.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bump into you!” Jungkook says a little too loudly. You raise an eyebrow at this feeling curious as to why Jungkook is suddenly very shy. Is this the type of girl he likes?

“Oh it’s okay Jungkook, it was an accident. I wasn’t looking where I was going,” the cute girl says, sweetly smiling and the boy. Jungkook furiously nods his head and cutely smiles at the girl. How come he doesn’t smile at me like that? I’ve been pretty nice to him so far; you think puffing out your cheeks and death glaring at the girl. Sadly you’re invisible so she can’t see it, but hopefully she can feel it in spirit.

The cute girl then apologises one more time before walking away leaving you and Jungkook alone together.

“So you want to fuck her but not me?” You ask, gazing at the male curiously. Jungkook gulps and turns to look at you,

“What makes you think that?” Jungkook asks, glancing around nervously.

“Hmm, I don’t know maybe, how you blushed, got overly loud, or maybe because you wrote about it in your diary,” you shrug. Jungkooks eyebrows instantly raise up in shock and embarrassment,

“You read my diary!” Jungkook yells, causing some people in the hallway to glance at Jungkook curiously; and others like he’s crazy.

“Uh yeah, you sacrificed it to me, it’s mine now. I’m allowed to read it, Jungkookie” you say, acting like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Jungkook sighs and shakes his head,

“Maybe I really should try using my holy water on you,” you dramatically gasp at this and look at the man offended,

“You wouldn’t dare!” You yell, pointing a figure at Jungkook accusingly.

“Oh but I would,” Jungkook smirks, looking at you as if he’s just won a battle.

“Oh hey Jungkook!” You hear a deep voice yell. You then turn over to see a handsome man running twords the two of you with a boxy grin on his face. Once he gets closer to the two of you he slows down before stopping right in front of Jungkook.

“Hey, you ready to get food?” Taehyung asks. Jungkook enthusiastically nods his head smiles.

“Yeah I’m ready,” Jungkook says, already starting to walk down the hallway again. You and Taehyung follow the male as makes his way to an exit.

“Oh yeah, also Jungkook,” Taehyung says; Jungkook looks over at Taehyung curiously.

“What’s up?” Jungkook asks.

“Why were you talking to yourself earlier?” Taehyung asks. Jungkook tenses and gulps before glancing over at you. You wave and wink at the boy staying silent.

“Um, you must of imagined it,” Jungkook says nervously, glancing anywhere but his friend.

“But you yelled something about your diary,” Taehyung says, looking at the man curiously. Jungkook shakes his head and walks out the exit, heading to the restaurant they were going to eat at.

“Nope I wasn’t, must of been your imagination, as I said” Jungkook firmly states.

“If you say so,” Taehyung shrugs, deciding to just take his friends word for it.

Eventually the three of you make it to the restaurant. Taehyung and Jungkook easily find their friends sat at a booth and slide in next to them. You sit down next to Jungkook and decide now would be good time to mess with him while he’s with his friends.

As Jungkook talked to his friends you put your hand on his thigh, causing the man to tense up. You slowly slide your hand further up his thigh and gave it a squeeze. Jungkook sharply took in a breath of air, and took a bite of his food trying his best to listen to the story Hoseok was telling about his dance partner. As soon as your hand was dangerously close to his crotch he shot up from his seat and announced that he needed to use the bathroom; all of his friends curiously watched him walk away before turning back to their conversation; and you follow Jungkook into the bathroom.

“Yah, Y/n what do you think you were doing?!” Jungkook practically yells.

“Hmm, I was trying to get you in the mood,” you say, stepping close to the male.

Jungkook sighs and takes a step away from you before glaring.

“Do you have to do things like this when were out in public, with my friends of all people?” Jungkook pouts.

“You never know, you could really like it. Don’t knock it till you try it as they say,” you say glancing around the room to find it’s empty. You then walk to the bathroom door and lock it so no one else can come in and inturupt you two.

“Hey I mean, if you don’t want to fuck here we could try one of the classrooms at your school, or we could just fuck in front of all your friends; maybe they’d be down to join. I wouldn’t mind they are pretty attractive,” you say, biting your lip and feeling a wave of excitement rush through your core.

“No, no and definitely not,” Jungkook says, crossing his arms and shaking his head. You pout and step closer to Jungkook.

“You wont even let me suck you off? I swear, I can make you cum quick and then you can be off to see your friends and act as if nothing happened,” you offer. Jungkook sighs and shakes his head.

“Will you please just go away for a bit Y/n,” Jungkook asks you pleadingly.

You sigh and nod, glancing at the boy for a few seconds to make sure he really wants you to leave. I have followed him around all day, I guess I could give him some time.

“Fine. Just so you know I’ll be gone for a few days, I have demon things to attend to,” you say, Jungkook raises his eyebrow at this curiously,

“What does that mean?” He asks. You smirk at the boy, feeling happy about his curiosity,

“Aw, are you interested in me Jungkook?” you gush, Jungkook scoffs and looks away from you,

“No, I’m just surprised to hear that you have other things to do except for bother me,” Jungkook says, causing you to smile at the male. Cute.

“Well, if you must know, you’re not the only person thats ever summoned me. I have other people’s needs I have to fulfill as well,” you say.

“Anyway, goodbye pretty boy, I’ll see you in a few days,” and with that you vanished from the males sight.

……………………………………………………………………

After a few days you’re finally back to bother Jungkook and hopefully fuck him. Your work with your other clients left you pretty satisfied, and your happy to say that you also got to see one of Jungkooks close friends on one of those days.

You sigh as you lay on Jungkooks couch, watching him type away on his computer working on an essay for one of his classes.

“C'mon Kookie, you must be stressed. Let me help you, a good orgasm never hurt anyone,” you say, watching the male waiting for a response only to receive nothing. He must be ignoring you. You then get up from the couch and walk over to stand behind Jungkook where he’s sat; and put your hands on his shoulders. You start rubbing his shoulders and his arms giving him goosebumps. You then put your mouth close to his neck and give him a small peck. Jungkook shivers and raises his shoulders trying to get you to stop.

“Y/n, stop I need to work on this,” Jungkook says, relaxing his shoulders again. You sigh and put your lips back on the column of Jungkooks neck, giving him open mouthed kisses and occasionally sucking on his neck leaving small hickey’s.

As you kissed his neck Jungkook let out a small moan when you found his sweet spot, smirking you concentrate on sucking his neck and giving him some pleasure. Jungkook stops typing on his laptop and quietly moans again before turning to you and stopping your ministrations.

“Y/n seriously, I need to focus on this,” Jungkook says causing you to frown.

“Oh c'mon, this is the farthest we’ve ever gotten, can’t this continue?” You beg, Jungkook shakes his head.

“You know what, you left me no choice,” Jungkook says digging his phone out. You watch him curiously as he type something on his phone before setting it down and smirking at you.

“What did you do?” You ask curiously.

“I called in some excorcists,” Jungkook proudly states.

After about twenty minutes, the excorcists knock on Jungkooks door. Jungkook sends another smirk your way before opening the door with a smile,

“Seokjin, Namjoon come in!” Jungkook says, gesturing for the two men to enter his apartment. You tilt your head in confusion and glance between the three men. These guys are the excorcists? Their just Jungkooks friends that he went to eat with the other day. Their attempts on an exorcism is probably about at good as Jungkooks attempt to make holy water.

“So where’s the incubus you’ve mentioned?” Namjoon asks, glancing around Jungkooks apartment curiously. Now that you look at Seokjin and Namjoon even more closely the two of them looked ridiculous. Their both clad in cheap holloween knockoffs of priest costumes. They really went all out for this huh?

Jungkook points to the couch where you’re currently sat.

“She’s sitting on the couch right now,” Jungkook says, looking proud of himself. He must really believe in these guys.

“Seokjin do you have the x200-1000gd reader?” Namjoon asks. Seokjin nods his head and grabs the device from a bag he was carrying that you apperantly didn’t notice till now.

“Yep I have the whatcha call it demon talking thingy,” Seokjin says happily. Namjoon sighs and shakes his head, looking disappointed in the older male,

“It’s calls the x200-1000gd,” Namjoon stays matter of factly.

“A watcha call it demon talking thingy is what it’s called,” Seokjin states just as seriously. You glance between the two males as they ridiculously argued about the name before looking over at Jungkook.

“These are your excorcists?” You ask, pointing at the two males with an unimpressed look on your face. Jungkook sighs and nods before turning to the two older boys,

“Guys can you help me now or what?” Jungkook asks, growing slightly impatient. Seokjin and Namjoon furiously nod their heads before stepping twords the couch and turning on the x200 huh? Seokjin’s right, whatcha call it demon talking thingy is so much better; They should honestly brand it.

As soon as they turned on the device it made the loudest most annoying noise ever.

“Ah is this noise even needed?” Jungkook asks.

“Uh yeah, haven’t you ever watched BuzzFeed unsolved? It goes through radio frequencies looking for paranormal activity. Of course this annoying sound is necessary,” Namjoon states. Maybe I should try talking to them? Or better yet I should just freak them out.

“So what exactly are you going to do to her once you get in contact?” Jungkook asks.

“We’re going to chant some stuff we found when we searched how to exorcise a demon on wikiHow.” Seokjin says, before digging through his bag and pulling out a folded up paper,

“Here I printed it out, you can look at if you want to help. I know you made holy water,” Seokjin says, handing the paper over to Jungkook. Jungkook grabs the paper from Seokjin’s hand and unfolds it looking over the paper in hand and nodding his head.

“This looks ligit,” Jungkook says smiling, Seokjin nods his head enthusiastically at this,

“I know right!” Namjoon coughs, stopping the two men from talking anymore,

“Alright let’s get down to business,”

……………………………………………………………………

“I seriously can’t believe you did that,” Jungkook says, obviously upset.

“Well I’m sorry what did you expect! They used wikiHow and the x200- uh the whatcha call it demon talking thingyTM, how was I supposed to take it seriously,” you say, following Jungkook around his room as gets dressed nicely.

It’s been a few days since the whole exorcism event, and you can’t say it ended well. As the two ’ exorcists ’ were trying to get rid of you, decided to show yourself and do this freaky thing where you turn your eyes black and have black blood bleed from them. It really freaked them out, they ran out of Jungkooks apartment faster then you can say Satan.

“So anyway, what are you getting all dressed up nicely for?” You ask curiously, watching Jungkook trying to get his hair to look nice in the mirror. After a few seconds you walk up to him and fix it the way he wants kindly smiling.

“There, you were really struggling huh?” You say teasingly.

“I’m going out on a date,” Jungkook says, looking at himself in the mirror.

“Oh? I didn’t take you as the type to want to go out on a date before you fuck type of guy but I’ll oblige,” you say cheekily. Jungkook glances over at you and then back at himself in the mirror,

“I’m not taking you on a date. Remember the girl that I bumped into in the hallway? It’s with her” Jungkook says, smoothing out any wrinkles in his clothes before deciding he looked good enough.

“What! Then come here and let me ruin your hair, if I knew I was helping you look nice for a date with her I wouldn’t have helped,” you pouted. Jungkook smiles at you and grabs his wallet and keys before walking to his front door,

“Too late, bye Y/n,” Jungkook says, walking out the door and locking it; leaving you inside his apartment by yourself. That bastard.

After a few weeks Jungkook still goes on dates with that girl. Every advance that you make on the boy is completely ignored, much to your dismay.

Jungkook also bought himself a new diary to write in. He won’t let you see what’s in it but from the few times you curiously glanced over his shoulder while he was writing in it you could tell he was talking about the cute girl he’s been going on dates with. It’s honestly been completely annoying you how much time hes been spending with her. There’s also the fact that anything she does with him leaves him a mess; like c'mon, the two of you have been together longer yet you haven’t even gotten to fuck him yet and here she is smiling at him and his knees give out! How is that fair!

Not to mention your sure that he doesn’t want to deal with you being around him for the rest of his life, so he really should just fuck you now so you can get going. You have other clients to please after all; there’s auras to taint and souls to take and you’ve barely gotten any of it except for when you fucked one of Jungkooks friends like a week ago.

As you sat on Jungkooks couch, as you usually do waiting for him. He finally comes back from one of his dates with that girl. But this time he doesn’t look super happy. What happened?

“Hey Jungkook you alright?” You ask concerned. Jungkook sighs and plops down next to you on the couch.

“She broke up with me,” Jungkook says quietly. Your eyes widen at this and you look at Jungkook feeling concerned,

“Are you okay? Do you know why?” You ask, searching the males face curiously.

“I don’t know, she just up and dumped me for no reason,” Jungkook shrugs. You bite your lip and look and the sad man before you.

“You’re obviously sad, do you want me to do something to cheer you up?” You ask, genuinely wanting to help make the sad man feel better. Jungkook looks over at you and glares,

“No Y/n, I’m not in the mood for one of your uplifting blowjobs that you always mention. Just go away will you?” Jungkook says.

“Jungkook that’s not what I was suggesting, I actually want to help make you feel better,” you say, feeling a little upset for some reason unknown to you.

For once you don’t feel like you need to do anything sexual to make someone feel better, you want to just to do something to show you care. You care? About Jungkook? Huh, do you? Your a demon, born to Satan, how could you care about a lowly mortal like Jungkook? You probably don’t care, you don’t think you care at least.

“Y/n just go, please,” Jungkook says, coldly. You sigh and stand from your seat on the couch.

“Alright well if you need anything, just call for me. I’ll come” you say, softly smiling at the sad man.

The next day you decide to check up on Jungkook to see how he’s doing with the whole break up thing. You saw on tv once that humans like to go get ice cream to cheer up after breakups so if he’s still upset your planning to suggest going to an ice cream shop.

As soon as you step through your portal all ready to talk to Jungkook and see how he is, your met with an unusual sight.

Today Jungkook has a guest, and normally that wouldn’t be that big of deal, you’ve been around when he’s had guests before but this time it’s different. This time his guest is one of your clients. Someone you’ve slept with two times now. Jungkooks dear friend Park Jimin.

Now normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, you’d think oh he probably won’t see her she’s invisible to everyone except Jungkook unless if she decides otherwise! Wrong! All your clients can see you.

So as soon as you stepped through your portal into Jungkooks house your eyes met Jimins and you felt like you were done for. You’re sure Jungkook won’t be too happy when he finds out you’ve tainted his dear friends aura on multiple occasions.

“Y/n! What are you doing here?” Jimin says, standing from his spot on the couch next to Jungkook. Jungkook glances between the two of you with wide eyes not understanding what’s happening.

“I’m here to visit Jungkook of course. How are you feeling now?” You ask tensily.

“Y/n how do you know Jimin?” Jungkook asks, curiously. You sigh and look between the two.

“Um, both of you are clients,” you say. Jungkook looks over at Jimin then back to you,

“Jimins one of your clients! Have you slept with him?” Jungkook asks. You slowly nod your head.

“Uh yeah, like twice now,” you say, Jimin nods his head and looks over at Jungkook,

“I summoned her a couple weeks ago. It looks like you summoned her to though huh. My little Jungkookies no longer innocent!” Jimin says, throwing arms around Jungkook like a proud parent. Jungkook shrugs Jimin off of him and shakes his head.

“I haven’t done anything with her, I refuse to,” Jungkook states seriously. Jimin looks between the two of you curiously,

“Why not? She’s great,” Jimin says, smiling. you smile back at the handsome man glad to hear you satisfied him.

“Because she’s an incubus!” Jungkook says, as if its the most obvious thing in the world.

“And you said this happened only a couple weeks ago! Y/n you knew Jimin is my friend why’d you have sex with him?” Jungkook asks, you shrug your shoulders and look at the curious male,

“Jungkook, it’s my job. Jimin summoned me. I was literally created by Satan himself, to fuck people. I don’t know what to tell you,” you say, Jungkook just looks at you silently for a few seconds with an angry expression on his face.

“Y/n, just get out,” Jungkook says causing you to sigh and roll your eyes,

“Oh come on, you’re always telling me to leave you alone, am I really that bad to be around? Jimin sure seems like he doesn’t mind my amazing precense,” you say, gesturing your hand twords the male sat next to Jungkook. Jimin awkwardly smiles and puts both his hands up in surrender,

“Please don’t include me in your argument,” Jimin says. Jungkook looks at you coldly and nods his head,

“Yeah you are that bad to be around so just go,” you shake your head,

“If I’m so bad to be around why haven’t you fucked me yet?! I’ve made it pretty clear the only way to get rid of me is to have sex, but you refuse,” you state, feeling anger starting to bubble in your chest. Why isn’t he getting it! If he hates me sooo much just fuck me already so I can be on my marry way.

Jungkook just shakes his head and sighs looking away from you.

“I think I’m gonna get going now, see you Jungkook; and Y/n I’ll see you next time I summon you yeah?” Jimin says, you nod your head and smile at the male, before crossing your arms and staring back at Jungkook.

Once Jimin left Jungkooks house, Jungkook and you stayed in your spots silently glaring at each other.

“Fine,” Jungkook says, getting up from his spot on the couch.

“Fine what?” You ask, still glaring at the male.

“Let’s have sex, I don’t want to be around you anymore,” Jungkook states. You nod your head,

“I think it’s safe to say the same for me,” you say.

“Now where are we doing this thing, I’m fine with anywhere,” you say, glancing around the man’s house.

“My room,” Jungkook says before walking to his bedroom. You silently follow the male and close the door behind you once you’re in his room before making your way over to him.

The two of you stare at each other awkwardly unsure of what to do,

“Your a virgin right? How do you want it, sweet? Rough?” You ask, pushing the male down so he’s sat on his bed. Jungkook nervously gulps at you and looks around the room.

“I just want it over with,” he says. You nod your head and move your face close to his, looking for any sign of him wanting you to stop.

After showing no sign what so ever you put your lips on his, pulling him into a sweet kiss. Giving the male some time to get used to your kisses after a couple of minutes you swipe your tounge across his lips causing the male to quietly moan. You smile at this before wrestling your toungue with his after he gives you access in his mouth. As the two of you make out your hands found their way on to his chest, feeling the firmness before moving their way down to his crotch and giving his cock a good squeeze, already feeling him slightly harden in your hand.

You detach your lips from his and smile before kissing his neck. Going for his sweet spot, causing the male to sigh out in pleasure. Jungkooks hands find their way to your ass giving you a good squeeze as you gave him butterfly kisses all over his neck.

Pecking the handsome man one more time you drop to your knees in front of him.

“I want to suck you off,” you say, undoing his belt and trying your best to get his pants off. Jungkook bites his lip before lifting his hips up and helping you remove his pants and underwear. Once the males lower half was exposed to you, you felt your mouth water at the sight.

His cock was long and thick and beautiful. You look up at the male and seductively lick your lips before taking his cock into hand and pumping him a few times.

You then put the head in your mouth and suck at it. The male above you moaned and started to pant as he looked at you from above.

“Please don’t tease me,” Jungkook says, biting his lip. You feel yourself well up in pride from how much your already effecting the male, before relaxing your throat and trying to take as much of him in as you can.

Jungkook moans out as you bob your head up and down his cock. You feel a wave of excitement go straight to your core from the sounds Jungkooks making.

You pull your mouth off him and start pumping him with your hand while you suck on his balls.

“Fuck Y/n, feels so good,” Jungkook pants. You move from his balls back to his cock sucking on him like there’s no tomorrow.

You move your head as far you can go before swallowing around him.

“I’m close,” Jungkook says, hands gripping the sheets of his bed.

As you sucked him off Jungkooks hips involuntary thrusted deeper into your throat causing you to gag around him. You grab his hips and hold him down as you swallow around him multiple times trying to get him closer to his climax.

After a few more minutes, Jungkook loudly moans and cums in your mouth. You happily swallow the bitter taste of his cum and pull your mouth off his cock smiling innocently at him.

“Think you can cum for me once more?” You ask curiously. Jungkook pants, looking completely fucked out already,

“I- I don’t know,” Jungkook says,

“Oh come on, I haven’t even got to ride you yet,” you pout. Jungkook looks down at you and bites his lip before slowly nodding his head,

“Yeah okay I can try,” Jungkook says. You smile at the male and take off all your clothes except for your bra,

“You want to help me with my bra or am I just leaving this on?” You ask teasingly, looking at the way Jungkooks eyes widen as he stares at you in lust. Jungkook nods his head and you turn around moving your hair to the side so it wasn’t in the way.

You feel Jungkook shakily breath as he fumbles with your bra clasps before finally getting it off. You turn around and smile at the male again before grabbing the Hem of his shirt and start pulling it off,

“Let’s get this off you then,” once his shirt was off you throw it some where else in the room and looked at Jungkook appreciatively.

“Your such a handsome man you know? I’m surprised you’re still a virgin,” you say biting your lip.

“Can you lay down on the bed for me Jungkook?” You ask. Jungkook nervously nods his head and lays down, cock already hard again.

You get on top of the male and straddle him aligning his cock with your entrance.

“You ready?” You ask, looking the male in the eyes. Jungkook nods his head, so you slowly descend down on his cock, letting him adjust to the new feeling before starting to bounce up and down on him.

The both of you moan, enjoying the feeling of each other.

“Feels good kookie?” You ask breathlessly. Jungkook furiously nods his head and moans shutting his eyes because of the pleasure your bringing him.

After a few more minutes of grinding and bouncing on Jungkooks cock, Jungkook grabs your hips and thrusts up into you, instantly hitting your spot causing you to moan out.

“Ah, right the Jungkook, fuck, please!” You say, gasping out at the feeling of him going deeper in you. Jungkook moans and nods his head continuously thrusting in you from below. You throw your head back in pleasure and squeeze your eyes shut.

“Fuck, I’m close,” you say. Jungkook then takes one of his hands off your hips and squeezes one of your breasts, playing with your nipples.

“Ah, cuming!” You yell out, squeezing around Jungkook.

Once you came down from your high you watch Jungkook as he thrusts into you from below before coming for a second time. Shooting his warm cum into you.

When he finished you got off of him and laid down beside him smiling,

“See that wasn’t to bad was it?” You ask. Jungkook sighs and nods,

“I guess not, and I don’t feel any different. You really didn’t take my soul now did you?” Jungkook asks curiously. You shake your head,

“I just tainted your aura a bit,” you respond. Jungkook slowly nods his head, and gets up grabbing a clean cloth to help clean you up a bit.

“And now that we’ve had sex you’ll leave me alone?” Jungkook asks. You nod your head,

“Yep, unless you summon me again of course,” You say.

“Well don’t expect that to happen ever again. Sorry to say this but I cant say being around you was a great experience,” Jungkook says.

“Oh, I don’t take offense to that at all, can’t say I enjoyed you either,” you say, smiling. For some reason your heart slightly hurts from this but you decide to ignore it. Your an incubus, a demon. No feelings are allowed for a human what so ever.

“Well I guess I best be on my way. I’ll see you maybe,” you say, getting up and putting your clothes on. You then flash Jungkook one last smile, bidding the male farewell before disappearing before his eyes.

“Goodbye Y/n,”

Masterlist 

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 9

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationdhip. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, language, violence, abuse and torture. If youre triggered by any of this i suggest not reading.

6 months later....

Me and bobby were sitting at the table eating the homemade lasanga and garlic bread i had made when his phone started to ring. He leaned over and with one hand snatched the phone from its cradle never faltering with his other hand that had a fork full of lasanga.

"Yeah?" Bobby said evenly. "Alright what time will you be in?" Bobby glanced my direction, i smiled warmly at him and he just stared. "Alright see you in a few."

He sighed when he hung up, "that was sam." I perked up at the mention of his name. I hadnt seen him in so long and to be honest i missed him. "Theyre going to stop by, need some info on a hunt."

I smiled, "thats great! I miss that boy." Then it hit me. "Wait, you said they. That means.."

He nodded, "yeah deans gonna be here too. Sam wanted to give you a heads up before they get here. Ya know, just in case you wanna bolt."

I thought about it long and hard, would seeing dean bring up all those old feelings ive been burying since i left? Would he even be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Would he even acknowledge i was here?

I sighed and gave him a small smile that im sure didnt reach my eyes. "Ill be alright bobby, ive got dinner dishes to do and plenty to keep me occupied. If i know dean hes gonna want food so ill fix them a plate when they get here then you wont even know im here."

We finished our dinner and when i stood to take our plates i asked, "what time will they be here?"

"Id say about another hour."

I nodded and made my way to the kitchen to get started on the dishes and to clean up.

An hour and a half later there was a knock on the door. I could hear from the kitchen.

"Hiya bobby." Sam said.

"Good to see ya boys." Bobby said sounding cheerful.

"Doing some spring cleaning bobby?" That was the voice that has haunted me for the past 6 months. I could almost smell him from where i stood. That comforting feeling blanketed me just by hearing his voice. I sighed to myself knowing he didnt know i was here.

I took the lasanga and plated a huge piece for sam and dean, along with placing the garlic bread in the basket from earlier. I took a deep breath and took my first steps out towards the boys.

I walked up behind them where they sat at the table, i set down the plates in front of them. Both men jerked in response then our eyes met.

"(Y/N)!" Sam jumped up from his spot at the table and engulfed me in a huge hug.

"Hey sammy, its good to see you." I was geniunely happy to see him.

He pulled back and inspected me, "you look great. How are you doing?"

"Better than i was last time you saw me." I said matter of factly and im sure dean knew what incident i was talking about.

"What the hell?" Dean said still in shock i think.

"Hey dean." I said in a flat tone. His brow furrowed at that.

"How long have you been here?" He asked.

"6 months." I said over my shoulder making my way to get their drinks. When i turned around from the fridge dean was standing there behind me.

"You have been here this whole time and never contacted me? Ive been going crazy not knowing where you were." Dean sounded mad, the nerve.

I straightend my spine to stand as tall as i could, "you made it pretty clear that night what you wanted."

"Damn it (Y/N), thats not fair."

I chuckled, "lifes not fair dean, you of all people should know that. Now go back and eat. I cant stand for food to be wasted."

"We are not done here." He said through gritted teeth.

I pushed past him but turned around right before i walked out. "Yeah dean, we are." With that i placed the drinks on the table and walked upstairs.

I changed into my running clothes the same ones i wore the night me and dean had sex. He thinks he has a hold on me well im going to remind him just what he walked out on.

I hopped down the stairs and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I hooked my ipod to my armband and slipped my tennis shoes on. All eyes focused on me when i walked into the dining room.

"Im going for a run, dont stay up to late old man." I walked over to bobby and kissed his cheek.

He smiled up at me "be careful."

"Dont worry, ill be fine." I looked to sam and dean and didnt fail to notice the lust in his eyes. "If you boys are gone before i get back, its been nice seeing ya again."

Sam stood and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. Dean didnt move didnt even look at me. I slapped him on the shoulder, "see ya deano."

With that i made my way outside. I started stretching my muscles when i got out in the warm air. I was getting ready to start my run when i heard the front door open behind me.

"(Y/N), we need to talk." Deans voice sent a chill up my spine but i tried my best to ignore it. I closed my eyes and sighed as i turned towards him.

"Have you found parker yet?"

Dean shook his head.

"Then we have nothing to talk about." I said as i started walking up the driveway. Dean was close behind me.

"Yes we do. You cant run from me forever."

I picked up my pace to a light jog, "tell ya what. If you can keep up we can talk."

I started running faster, i knew dean didnt do running. I heard him huffing then stop all together. I smiled over my shoulder at him then put my ear buds in and cranked up my music.

When i got back to bobbys an hour later the impala was still parked in the driveway. I rolled my eyes and opened the front door. I heard the guys talking in the living room then i heard my name come up.

"I dont know what to do. (Y/N) just wont talk to me." That was dean.

"Maybe she will come around. I mean you walked out on her at the worst time in her life." I recognized that as sam. He was taking up for me.

"Did she never mention anything to you? I mean she has been here for half a year." Dean asked bobby.

"She never talked to me about anything. I wasnt going to force her." Bobby said sounding aggitated.

"You mean to tell me after all this time you two living under the same roof nothing has come up about that night?"

I heard a glass slam down on the table. "You calling me a liar?"

I figured id show my face before it got more heated. "Im back, gonna grab a shower then head to bed."

Bobby nodded and i dashed up the stairs before anyone could say anything else. After my shower i walked down stairs to get a bottle of water. The guys were talking about some kind of lore and really didnt pay me no mind.

I walked back upstairs but instead of going to bed i went into the other spare room and started sorting files and cleaning up.

I almost had all the files organized and in their own seperate piles, i just had to put them in the file cabinet. A certain file caught my eye, the name sounded so familiar. Patrick windsor, i opened the file and gasped. It was parkers father.

I started reading through the file and it had all kinds of locations where he had been at and owned. Apparently patrick was a demon as well, working for lucifer himself. I was so focused on the file that i didnt hear someone approaching.

"Couldnt sleep?" Deans rough voice sounded from the doorway. I looked up and he was sipping yet another beer.

"No, i came up here to sort through all of this." I said in a flat tone, hoping he would just go away. I didnt want to discuss anything with dean right now. Instead he walked in and took a seat in the chair right across from me.

He didnt say a word, just sat there watching me. After a few minutes it started to get under my skin. "Why are you in here?" I asked a little snippy.

He smiled, "for you." I rolled my eyes and continued placing the files in different stacks. "Come on (Y/N), you cant ignore me forever."

"Its worked for six months."

He sighed heavily and stood up. Walking over to where i was sitting on the floor. I thought he might leave but instead he sat down next to me.

"I know i hurt you, but i was only looking out for your well being." He ran a hand through his hair, "ive learned that in this life we dont get love. We dont get happily ever afters. A hunter can retire and ward off whats out there. Like bobby, he lost his wife a long time ago and has never got close to anyone since. A hunters family and loved ones are never safe."

I nodded letting him talk, this is a side that i doubt many people ever saw of dean. I felt a little honored that he would open up to me, so i let him continue.

"That night when you told me you loved me it scared the hell out of me. Not because i dont want you, because you have already been through so much. You cant and shouldnt fall for me. Youre just going to get hurt or worse."

I nodded and placed the file i was holding down beside me. "I understand where youre coming from, but you cant push everyone away dean."

He shook his head, "i dont think you do. I tried the whole leave this life behind and have a family thing. She had a son, i thought of him like my own. I loved her and for a minute i was happy. Then a demon possesed her and tried to kill her right in front of me and her son. We got her to the hospital and cas healed her but i also asked him to take away all of lisa and bens memories of me. That was hard to see a woman and kid i loved look at me a different way than they had that morning. Never knowing who i was, but it was better for them, if i had never came into their lives in the first place it wouldnt have happened. So i just made things right, the way they shouldve been."

A silent tear fell from my eyes hearing dean talk about what he has went through. I now truly understood his hesitance about getting close to people. Instead of making me hate him it made me love him that much more, but i could never act upon it again. He downed the rest of his beer and sat the bottle down next to his leg.

"Dean, im sorry for everything you have went through. I have never had someone who truly loved me so i wouldnt know how that feels." I figured since he opened up to me it was only fair that i do the same. "At first i thought parker loved me. I just got so blinded by his words. I never had a family i was in the system until i was 15, then i ran away and never looked back. I was prostituting to make rent and for a little food, then i met parker. He took me in, sweet talked me, made empty promises on marrying me having children and having anything i would ever wanted. I fell for it and that has led me to where i am now."

"You can still have that life. Get married, have a family."

I shook my head, "no parker done so much damage to me that he destroyed the chance of me ever having children."

He opened his mouth to say something but i cut him off. "I never knew what love was, until i met you. Youre just so easy to fall for, but i know now that you dont feel the same way."

"(Y/N)....."

"Let me finish." He nodded and i continued. "Just because you dont love me doesnt make you less of a person. Youre a great guy and i hope one day you can prove youself wrong."

He looked down at the floor, when he looked up his eyes had tears in them. I placed a hand on his that he had on his leg. "Its okay dean, dont beat yourself up." Just as he was about to say something sam appeared in the doorway.

"I think we may have something on parker."

@an-unhealthy-obsession

[oscar-mildes]

elvira you know I always see what you're hiding in the tags,, I will always read it if you answer all of them abhsjdbs

nev you asked for this and im going to go thru with it bc im an oversharing idiot like oh you asked me how’s the weather i will tell you about all my trauma instead :D 

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? i’m cis yo i’m she/her. i’m biromantic ace. thats the label i would put on it i guess. i really just refer to myself as gay bc i like pretty boys who look like girls and pretty girls and pretty nb and queer people and basically i just like pretty people ajsfbjf

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? theres no story to it. no epiphany or realization. i just always was ok with thinking that girls were pretty and that gay people are cool and it wasnt until recent years that i was like oH SHIT AM I GAY

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? no i guess bc i’m a girl and id as a girl and have a very obvious girl body

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? i guess my best friend. we’re both very ok with gay shit and we just always made comments about pretty girls and now we’re both pretty gay. i like my big tiddie anime girls and she likes her pretty kpop girl bands

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? i’ve only “come out” to some of my friends. i would NEVER in my LIFE even imagine telling my mom i like girls. shes homophobic Like That

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? uhh see above. my mom, stepdad, family members are all homophobic. hispanics in general are Like That rip. i think my dad would be the most ok with it but he lives in mexico and i dont talk to him often anyway. doesnt matter

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? i hate when people ask me about the ace part. like they have a bigger problem about my not wanting to have sex over the liking girls part tbh. sometimes it’s difficult for me to even describe where i am on the ace spectrum. it’s honestly the more difficult part 

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. basic nerd. you know those fics like “she dressed in a black t-shirt, skinny jeans, and all star converse” yea that she is me

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ajkfj this is a good question and canon wise i love Ash and Eiji from Banana Fish, Uenoyama and Mafuyu from Given, Nezumi and Shion from No. 6, and Simon and Baz from Carry On. Not canon i love Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho, Izuku and Todoroki from My Hero Academia, and Inosuke and Tanjiro from Demon Slayer. Note how most of them are anime i

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? i dont really wear any bc im lazy. if you like it you do you but idrc for it? except for lipstick i LOVE lipstick i have all the colors. i wear it so it distracts people from the rest of my face

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? ...no

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? i live in the south so ive heard tons of shit talk about gay people. i dont really have any that stand out. my mom just likes to say that we’re going to hell :D so let’s give em a show ay

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? i guess i like how we find solidarity in each other just bc we’re not straight. most of the lgbt+ folks i know are pretty chill about everything

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? terfs but they dont count

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? i live in a small town and i could never sneak out of my house for that bc i still live with my mom so no

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? theres so many big celebrities now that id as lgbt+ but im going old school and loving my man, my tumblr url namesake mr Oscar Wilde. my man got put in jail for sodomy 

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? lmao never bc im mean, ugly, and terrible at talking to people irl. i had a bf in middle school? but bc i was 12 i dont count it 

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Carry On and the sequel Wayward Son. (very anxiously waiting for book 3 Anyway the Wind Blows come on Rainbow Rowell)

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? for being gay? no. bc im not really out. ive faced discrimination for being a brown woman tho :)))

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? yall i love gay anime: Given, Banana Fish, No. 6, Yuri on Ice yeee. i dont really watch tv with real people but i think that Brooklyn 99 does a very good job with Holt and Rosa yall im love Rosa

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? theres bloggers??? um idk i love u nev so you count right @why-do-you-pick-flowers

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? for a while everyone was mad as hell about “im gay for ___” and idk im gay for everything so thats a “slur” i use for myself

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? ive never gone omg i’d probably be intimidated as hell like i have a lot of problems just existing so to be existing around very flamboyant and extravagant people like that makes me break into a nervous sweat

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? ive always felt like a girl even tho my mom always said “oh you like boy things??? you should have been born a boy” but like, your likes and dislike dont determine your gender. i like “boy” things and “dress like a boy” but i dont FEEL like a boy. ive never had any desire to become a boy or id as a boy. gender is a social construct fuck society

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? i have a very complicated relationship with children. babies are ugly and toddlers are annoying but i feel like if i had children i would love them obviously because theyre mine. this is gonna be a weird analogy but like i dislike cats. BUT  i have cats. and i love the fuck outta them. so i feel like thatd be me with kids. but im ace so like.... who would even have kids with me. i could not. pregnancy seems like a hassle and adoption is... i have thoughts on that but thats for a different post. also i can see myself being married and not having children OR having kids without a spouse. theres just something complicated about having both??? maybe im just fucked in the head idk bro

What identity advice would you give your younger self? you dont hate girls you like them, dumbass

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? fuck gender roles. get pegged, bros. i also have a very specific dynamic if i ever got into a relationship (which you know. wont happen) but like if i dated a guy i feel like i’d be very top. a MAN telling ME what to do??? fuck that. but if i dated a pretty girl??? top me pls

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? i think ive already said too much oh god someone is gonna look at this and be like what the FUCK but like lmao dont be afraid to ask me i apparently have no shame

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? it’s scary at first because you think “im not normal” but like pray tell me what is normal. do what makes you happy. fuck society

Why are proud to be lgbt+? i’m comfortable with the people i like. i might not be very confident and i have depression, anxiety, self esteem issues, probs adhd or ocd idfk but at least i know if i see a pretty girl or smth im gonna be like wow that girl is pretty and have no bad thoughts about it. it’s just how it be. after a lot of dissecting my past behavior, ive always been this way. you cant change who you are. just accept it

[go-diane-winchester]

I had a dream 5 years ago, when I had no issues with Misha.  Too bad his stupid ass destiel fans wont allow something like this to happen.  Neither would he, because who is going to troll his dumb fans if he is busy contributing to the SPN canon.

There are some parts of this dream that I forgot.  There are some that don't make sense, but duh! its a dream.  I am writing it like a story so its wont be boring.  I am going to embellish harmless bits and pieces here and there, so its not bland.  

My dream starts in a motel room.  The old kind from the pre-bunker era.  I miss the motel rooms.  Sam is channel surfing, with a remote in his hand whilst reclining in an arm chair, and Dean is lying on his bed, reading a magazine.  I am very surprised because I seldom see fuddy duddy Sam actually watching TV.  He is usually squinting at a lap top screen.  They look seriously chilled out and I am happy about that.  There is a knock on the door. 

Dean:  [hollering] We don't need anything, thanks.

Cas:  Its me, Dean.  Open the door.

Dean and Sam look at each other surprised.  I was surprised too.  Why isn't he flying in uninvited, like he usually does?  Sam opens the door and finds a very busted up Cas.  He is missing his trench coat, his suit jacket and shoes.  He has a swollen eye, bust lip and blood running down one nostril. 

The brothers help him into the room and make him sit.  Sam runs for a glass of water.  It is only when I woke up and relayed this story to my cousin gleefully, that I realized that Sam wouldn't need to give an angel water.  But its a dream so just go with it.  Dean is assuming, as I am, that a monster attacked Cas.

Dean:  What did this to you?

Cas:  Youth.  Around 15 years old. 

Dean and Sam stare and him and then at each other. 

Sam:  Children beat you up? 

Cas:  Yes, and stole my possessions. 

Sam:  Kids beat you up and stole your stuff...how did they manage to do that?  And why didn't you stop them?

Cas:  There were five of them.  And they had bicycles.  But the time I got up of the ground, they were gone.  They pedaled very fast...  I lost my grace. 

Dean:  Again?  Dude you are clumsiest angel in the garrison.  Why don't you sew it to the inside of your underwear so you won’t lose it. 

Sam:  How did you lose your grace?

Cas:  It’s a long story and not important right now.  I need your help. 

Sam:  Sure man.  What do you need? 

Cas:  Some people are trying to resurrect an ancient demon.  They made it their god.  Humans cant fight this thing.  Only warrior angels can put it to sleep...using their grace.  We did it before. 

Dean:  But you don't have your grace.  Why don't you ask one of your brothers to do the job. 

Cas:  Because, they hate me.  None of my brothers wants to talk to me.  I betrayed them, remember?  They said that the next time they seem me, they will kill me.  Only the cherubs are on talking terms with me.  I hitched a ride with one of them to get here.  The cherubs are weak.  They cant fight, otherwise I would have given the job to them. 

Dean:  So you have a monster that we can't kill.  You can’t either.  Your brothers don't want to see your face.  So what kind of help can we give you?

Cas:  You have to teach me how to procreate. 

Dean and Sam:  HUH!

Cas:  I am still an angel.  I have power.  It’s this power that is making this vessel move.  My energy source is switched off. 

Dean:  Like a battery pack?

Cas:  Yes, like a battery pack.  So I need a new one. 

Dean [grinning]:  And sex does that for you?  [Sam puts on his bitchface]

Cas:  No, but a child will.  My child will have my grace.  I can harness it to put this creature to sleep.

Sam: [disapprovingly] And what about the kid after that.

Cas:  There are plenty of single mothers in the world.  I know this sounds manipulative.  But this half angel child will be strong and won’t need me.  But right now, the world needs it.  Will you help me?

Dean: [horrified] You want the birds and the bees talk?  Oh, please say no.

Sam:  I'm going to get pizza.  You go ahead, Dean.

Sam rushes out of the room, living a pissed off Dean to glare at his retreating form. 

Cas:  I am not stupid.  I know how everything works.  [Dean sighs with relieve]  I need to know how to get a female to procreate with me. 

Dean blinks at him, and eventually smiles a mischievous smile. 

Dean:  Oh, that part's easy.  Just ask very politely ''Excuse me, mam.  Would you like to make a baby with me?''  If she says yes, good.  If not, keep asking every female you meet.  One is bound to say yes.

I remember thinking 'Dean, you rascal!'. 

Cas [squinting his eyes at Dean]: That works? 

Dean:  Oh sure.  Just get cleaned up first. 

Dean dresses Cas in white Bermuda shorts, a loud red and parrot Hawaiian shirt and a white fedora adorned with an oversized feather.  If this was an actual episode, there would be a reason he would have those items of clothing, but since it’s my dream, I got nuthin'.  I remember feeling mortified but Dean looks red because he is trying so hard not to laugh. 

Cas steps outside and Dean wishes him good luck.  As Cas is walking down the corridor, one of the doors open, and a lady steps out of her room, wearing a beige peignoir set.  She lights a cigarette.  Cas walks up to her, smiling. 

Cas:  Good evening, Mam.  You are looking very lovely.  Would you like to make a baby with me?

I remember feeling second hand embarrassment.  The lady looks at Cas's grinning face, with wide shocked eyes.  Who could blame her?  Then she shrugs.

The lady:  Sure!

She escorts him into her room. 

We cut back to Sam hitting Dean with a rolled up magazine.  Dean is laughing despite the abuse. 

Dean:  If you want things done right, do them yourself.  Nobody told you to leave me on the lurch. 

Sam:  What if someone beats him up, you jerk? 

Cas:  That never happened.  It went well.  Thanks Dean. 

Sam:  You just appeared.  You have power! 

Cas:  Yes, I can fly now and I repaired my vessel.

Sam:  What did you do?

Cas:  I did exactly was Dean told me to do.  I, very politely, asked a lady if she would like to make a baby with me.  She said yes. 

Sam:  It worked? 

Cas:  As you can see, yes it did. 

Sam and Dean stare at each other slack jawed. 

Sam:  I guess, some women are just desperate to become mothers. 

Dean nods sagely at him. 

Some time goes by.  The brothers are in another motel sitting at the dining table and Cas appears, dressed in his trench coat.  Don’t ask where it came from. 

Cas:  I need your help.  My child is in danger.

Sam and Dean are shocked.

Sam:  What happened?

Cas:  I don't know.  But he is in an enclosed place.  He can’t get out.  And he's scared. 

Sam and Dean look at each other, trying to hide their smiles.

Sam:  That enclosed place is his mother's womb.  It’s only been a month.  He is going to be in that enclosed place for a long time.  Then he will be born.  Don't worry.

Cas:  That is how it works for humans.  This child is half angel.  Things are different with us.

Dean:  Are you sure?

Cas:  I can sense him.  He communicates with me.  I know he is in danger.  Please.  I need your help. 

Sam:  Sure Cas.  What do you want us to do?

Cas:  When I fly, I lose touch with him.  If I am riding in your car, it will be slower and I will be able to locate him. 

Dean:  That's it?  Fine.  Lets go. 

Baby pulls up next to a cave mouth, in the desert.  The guys go into the cave.  Cas goes to the back of the cave and points at the ground.

Cas:  He's here. 

Dean and Sam are suddenly very serious.  The boys get shovels and start digging, as Cas stands to the side, staring earnestly at them.  Suddenly, Sam drops his shovel and walks away.  Dean follows him.

Dean:  Sam? What’s wrong?

Sam:  Dean, I’m freaking out.

Dean:  Sammy, calm down.  Tell me why you’re freaking out. 

Sam:  Dean, do you realize what we are doing?  We are digging up a baby’s grave.  I have never seen a dead baby before. 

Dean [realization on his face]  I haven’t either.  Oh shit….You know what.  I’ll handle it.  Don’t worry.  Sit this one out.

Sam:  Dean, I’m sorry.

Dean:  Sammy, it’s ok.  Don’t feel guilty.  Stay here.  I will tell you to come closer if I’m sure that whatever we dig up won’t damage you more than you already are. 

Dean goes back, and flings Sam’s shovel into Cas’s hand.  They start digging.  Finally, one of the shovel hits something.  The hole was damn deep and Dean immediately scrambles out of the grave and runs to Sam’s side.  Whatever needs to be seen, let Cas see it.  Dean cant stomach the thought of seeing a dead baby.  Sam looks away and Dean stares gingerly as Cas climbs out of the grave and pulls out a big pine box, with sigils etched into it.  There is a large chain around the box, with a huge lpadlock fastened.  Cas breaks the chain and padlock with his bare hands, and flips the lid open.  He stoops and pulls out a kid of about a year and half, with long shaggy brown hair.  Dean [and Sam too apparently] go close to take a look. The kid looks fast asleep.   

Dean:  Is he….?

Cas:  He’s fine.  Let’s get him out of here.

They are relieved but when they turn to leave, they freeze.  There is someone standing at the entrance.  Dean and Sam pull out their guns.

Dean:  Who are you?  What do you want?

The mysterious person steps forward.  It’s Meg.

Meg:  Well, I wanted to stop you, but obviously I am late. 

Dean:  Stop us from doing what?

Meg:  Digging up the box, you idiot.  I went through all the effort of making the box as protective as possible and burying it as deep as possible, but if anyone can go looking for unnecessary trouble, it’s you three jinxes. 

Cas looks at her disappointed. 

Cas:  Oh no. 

Meg:  Oh yes. 

Cas:  How could you be so stupid?

Meg:  Because I loved you.  And the curiosity was killing me.  And I was trying to be helpful.  What, with your broken battery pack and all.  If I were you, just bury him before he wakes up.  I am petrified of him.  Let that clue you in on how dangerous he can be. 

She disappears.  Dean looks at Cas confused.  Then realization hits him.

Dean:  That is why that dumb pick-up line worked.  The woman was possessed by Meg. 

Sam:  What do we do now? 

Dean:  Bury it.

Sam:  What!?

Dean:  You heard her.  Bury it before it wakes up. 

Cas:  There has to be another way.

Dean:  Another way?  Like what?  How are angel-demon hybrids usually dealt with. 

Sam [after realizing Cas doesn’t have an answer]:  Cas, is this kid the first of his kind?

Cas:  Yes.

Sam:  Oh shit. 

Dean:  You have to kill it. 

Sam:  Dean!

Dean:  Sam I know this sounds cruel.  But nobody on earth has dealt with this type of creature before.  Meg is afraid of it.  What if this thing wakes up –

Cas:  Then I will deal with it. 

Dean:  Cas don’t be stupid. 

Cas:  Put yourself in my shoes. 

Dean:  This is not right.  This creature could kill you. 

Sam [To Cas, pointedly]:  Its ok , Cas.  I understand. 

Dean [To Sam]:  Do you?

Sam:  Yes!  You don’t have to like it Dean.  I can understand your concerns.  But it’s his kid.  Have a heart. 

Dean:  Screw the two of you.  I am not going to clean up this mess.  This is all on you two.  I want no part of this. 

And then Dean disappears.  No, that was not a special plot point.  That was my dream growing crazy stupid.  Suddenly there is a four poster brass bed in the cave.  Cas lays the little boy on the bed and lays down next to him.  Sam stands over them.

Sam:  He’s freaked out.  That’s why he’s behaving like that.  But don’t worry Cas.  I will stand by your side.  I will support you. 

Cas: [with a weak smile] That’s mean a lot to me, right now. 

And then Sam disappears.  And then my dream must have shifted to something else or my sleep just broke.  I don’t remember. 

The End

[retro-pure-jdonica]

Everything Wrong With The Peathers Pilot

Ok so I wrote this as I was watching the pilot so there’s probably a lot of spelling errors but just bear with me here

CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER PLOT ISSUES

The episode opens by playing Que sera sera and zooming in on a croquet set on a front porch before going into the house where we see Shannon Doherty with a red scrunchie, all things that suggest that Heathers (1989) occurred and this is Heather Duke now but then they’re like lol jk that’s jds mom

Speaking of jds mom, they have her kill herself by lighting the house on fire and shooting herself, nothing involving his father’s business which messes with why jd dislikes his father

They COMPLETELY switched the characters of Heather McNamara and Heather Duke. When Heather McNamara starts talking in the lunchroom Heather Chandler says “god Heather, are we already making this about you?” But says nothing bitchy to Heather Duke

Heather Chandler is some social justice warrior and it’s awful. We meet Ram when he is in the cafeteria wearing a shirt that says “Remington squaws” with a (very very red skin toned) depiction of a Native American and Heather is like “ummmmm that’s so offensive. I know that kid over there and he is 1/16th “First Nations peoples”” and when the kid stands up to say it doesn’t offend him she yells at him “this isn’t about you” (bonus in the background they tried to recreate that airy chime kinda music from the original and its shit)

J.D. has been in Sherwood for a while. He doesn’t move from school to school because of his dads business, he keeps getting expelled

At the art exhibit (equivalent to Remington party/Kurt homecoming party) Veronica meets this guy named Jacob who they very purposefully dressed like jd (trench coat, dark hair) and then she asks him if he has a car and then it cuts to him eating her out in a car while she sits on her phone?????? I don’t even know?????

Instead of throwing up on Heather Chandler, Veronica dumps a giant bottle of hull clean on her

Jd and Veronica don’t have sex???? They are in no form of relationship so when jd kills Heather Chandler, Veronica has absolutely no reason to stay with him at all which is just SHIT PLOT PEATHERS GET IT TOGETHER

Jd has only lived in THREE states, NOT SEVEN, NOT TEN, THREE!!! They totally screwed over his background with this and with his mom’s Suicide so now he only has shitty motives. Also, his dad isn’t Big Bud Dean Construction, it’s Big Bud Dean Oil and Gas????

Jd and Veronica don’t give Heather Chandler a bottle of drain cleaner, he pulls an ich luge type thing with some “vomit inducing pills Hitler carried around”. Then when Heather Chandler “dies” he’s like oh crap I must have given her the wrong pills but it’s GENUINE. JD SERIOUSLY DID NOT TRY TO KILL HEATHER CHANDLER but then SURPRISE at the end of the episode we see Heather Chandler wake up because she actually didn’t die because jd did give her the vomit pills, the pills just somehow made her pass out which they weren’t supposed to. Also, she saw that Veronica and jd tried to fake her Suicide (they posted her Suicide note on Instagram and she would remember them coming to her house) but then sees that the post got 27 million likes so she decides to not snitch them out because she’s famous but from now on ANY PERSON THAT “KILLS THEMSELVES” AND JD AND VERONICA SET UP TO LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE, HEATHER CHANDLER WILL KNOW IT WAS JD AND VERONICA SO I DONT KNOW HOW THEY’RE GOING TO DO ANYTHING WITH THAT BUT ALRIGHT

You may be thinking, how did JD get Heather Chandler to take a pill? Well, HE PUT IT IN A BAG OF CORN NUTS AND DARED HER TO EAT THE WHOLE BAG IN FIVE SECONDS OR ELSE HE WOULD POST A PICTURE OF HER WITH A NAZI CAP ON. Also on this topic, they had Heather Chandler start gagging before crashing through the glass table but she shouldn’t be gagging, if anything she should be choking from the food and she would have bitten into the pill while eating the corn nuts and it’s a whole mess peathers please get your story straight

At school after Heather Chandler’s “suicide” all of the students are like “omg this is so sad(for the most part, they are still kinda making it about themselves)” and Mrs. Flemming is like “look at all of the publicity about this” which is just??? So wrong????

After Heather Chandler “dies” Betty Finn takes over the role instead of Heather Duke???? AHHHHH WHAT and when Veronica invites betty over for croquet she’s like “Ummm, I’m busy” like wtf peathers you cant make up an ENTIRELY new character and just call her Betty??? This Betty does not have a single similar characteristic to the original Betty except for the fact that she and Veronica were friends in elementary school, like this Betty used to be friends with Heather Chandler and UGH

Okay jd SMILES while telling Veronica in detail how his mother killed himself, Do I even need to explain how wrong this is??

MISUSED AND ALTERED QUOTES

Lick it up fatty, lick it up (bonus, which was followed by: d-did you just fat shame me in public??)

If you’re gonna openly be a flooze

What is your bother wound, Heather? (What does that even mean????)

Corporate monogamy keeps me sane

Big Bud Dean Oil and Gas

I’m gonna be experimenting with lesbianism at (some place) instead of (another place)

SHITTY REFERENCES

The matches jds mom uses to light the house on fire say “hot probs” on the box

At the art exhibit, Veronica and Heather Chandler go to, two of the pieces are a bottle of “hull clean” liquid drainer and a massive replica of the book “The Bell Jar”

Big fun is a chip brand

MISCELLANEOUS

They replaced “very” with “just” and only in this episode they said just 4 times, JUST IN THIS EPISODE

J.D. literally says the phrase “my dear” 4 times JUST IN THIS EPISODE and he’s giving off these Walmart Great Value knockoff type Leonardo DiCaprio Romeo and Juliet vibes and I hate it it’s so weird

Heather Chandler refers to Ram as “the Auschwitz of hate that goes on in Westerburg”

Heather McNamara isn’t even a lesbian! She lied about it to seem cool (Do I even need to explain how terrible and inaccurate and demonizing this is?)

Heather Duke literally says “oh my clit”

Heather Chandler literally says “what the queef”

“Let’s snort Adderall, make out, and get slushies”- JD, again, do I even need to explain?

Kurt gives Ram all of the shit jd and Veronica use at the fake Suicide in the movie to cheer him up (the candy dish, stud puppy, etc) also if you haven’t heard by now, Kurt is gay

Okay, at the 7-11 when JD is saying “a pile of dirt” he looks Veronica up and down liKE WHAT?????

“Sad face emoji, pill emoji, the powerful last words of Heather Chandler” -some teacher

When jd and Veronica are going to post a video on Heather Chandler’s Instagram to make the Suicide more believable (Okay it literally pained me to write that), Veronica says “oh my god I can’t believe we’re doing this, also trim the video it will get more views if it’s under ten seconds”???? This is so terrible  (bonus jd responds to this with “That’s my girl” and ew) (bonus bonus after they finish setting up the Suicide Veronica says “come on, we’re gonna be late for school” ugh peathers stop making the show into a massive joke)

FOR LIKE A THIRD OF THE EPISODE VERONICA IS WEARING THESE OVAL SPARKLY BLUE SUNGLASSES AND THEY LOOK LIKE THEY’RE STRAIGHT OUT OF 2007 AND I HATE IT

When writing in her diary, Veronica starts to write “I’m just a … girl who has been manipulated by a guy into-“ which is very true for actual Heathers but then cuts off and says “no that sounds like I’m enforcing gender stereotypes” and I don’t know if that was supposed to be some shitty commentary about the original but WHAT

They tried to pull a dream scene for Veronica where everything is weird but it was terrible, everyone was wearing red plastic glasses and pointing at Veronica and pop music was playing, it was a mess

Okay the Heathers keep doing this thing where they unnecessarily say the other one’s name while talking (like in the opening for Heathers (1989) where Heather Chandler says “no Heather, it’s Heathers turn” but they do it almost every single line and it’s really annoying)

Also I don’t know if this was on purpose, judging by the mental capacity of the producers it probably wasn’t, but after Heather Chandler dies when Betty is walking down the hall with her gang it plays the same music that was playing when the Heathers first walk into the cafeteria and I don’t know if that was meant to show that Betty is officially the new Heather Chandler but I HATE IT

When Veronica goes to jds house after Heather Chandler’s “death” jds dad walks in with a FUCKING SHAKE WEIGHT and they do the weird father-son switch thing but jd gets his dad to leave by saying some shit like “your presence was wonderful but my girlfriend and I would like to engage in sexual intercourse now” and just, what the fuck?????

YO I DONT KNOW HOW THEY GOT AWAY WITH THIS BUT FOR THE CLOSING FRAME THEY JUST SHOW THE WORD HEATHERS AND LITERALLY PLAY A SLIGHTLY SHITIER VERSION OF THE STRANGER THINGS OPENING TRACK BUT ITS ALMOST THE EXACT SAME

Just FYI, this in Arial font size 11 is FOUR PAGES LONG and this is just the first episode

[a-red-panda]

2 people wanted this so here we go! the full this will be under the read more cuz its a lot. also ignore spelling mistakes im too lazy to fix them also the ratings are my opinions. if you feel differently please lmk cuz i love talking about these movies

Hellraiser 1 - the original. The best tbh. Sets up a really good foundation for the rest of the series. The plot is mainly about a family thats kinda not that great with each other. Kristi doesnt like her stepmom and the feeling is mutual. But also the stepmom has had an affair with her husband, kristis dad, brother frank. Frank wanted to be more kinky and heard of a way to do so (hint thats the box and also the “you opened the box. I came”) but uh oh! He summoned ancient sex demons called cenobites! But he escaped and now is making kristis stepmom kill people to bring him back. Long story short kristi finds the box, makes a deal with the hell priest aka pinhead, and eventually kills frank. Frank does say a fucking great line right at the end tho. Also there is a dragon

Easy 10/10 classic also the scene with chatters fingers in kritis mouth gets me feeling some sort of way

Hellraiser 2 - a direct sequel to the first. Still follows kristi. Frank is dead dead. But kristis mom is still here and is now making a doctor (who loves to basically torture his patients) kill for her. So she is the new and improved frank. But there is also a puzzle master who was manipulated into opening the box. But she didnt know what the box does so the cenobites just let her go. We see leviathan, the god in charge of creating cenobites basically. Kristis mom is kinda like the mediator. Also the doctor becomes a cenobite and is kinda fucked up in the best way. But puzzle master defeats levathens box-that-turned-into-a-triangle. 

Another 10/10 for me. Love the maze also girlboss

Hellraiser 3 - the one that starts to have it go downhill. No kristi. Now a reporter. But also theres a girl who cant dream with a toxic af ex. The ex has a cenobite statue and kills girls after he had sex with them. The statue wants the girl who cant dream. Also wants the reporter. At this point its a solid story imo but itll soon go downhill. Basically the key moment in this movie is when the club gets taken over and a bunch of shitty cenobites are spawned. Theres cd-head who spits cds. Camera-head who had a great one liner and thats it. (please look up pics of cd and camera head its fucking great) The ex was one also but tbh i dont remember. The girl who cant dream also turned into a cenobite which made no sense. Also her design sucked ass. 

6/10 the fight at the end was funny and great but not very hellraiser tbh

Hellraiser bloodline - this is it. This is where the series goes downhill. So there is 3 different timelines that all go on simultaneously. And it kinda sucks. Im gonna tell the story in chronological order and not how the movie did it. So some rich dude in the 1800(?) wanted a box to summon a demon. Toymaker made one. They summoned a demon. This box is the box that summons the cenobites. Its now named the lament configuration. Descendants of the toymaker is hunted by this demon chick. She isnt a cenobite btw. But then some dude in “modern” time (modern for when this movie came out) is an artist (architect? Tbh i dont remember) but also a descendant. So the demon chick hunts him down. He summons cenobites. They make the demon girl a cenobite. The toymaker lineage is still going strong in the YEAR 3000???? IN SPACE??? WE ARE IN SPACE BRUH anyways the new descendant wants to blow up this ship to kill the cenobites. Cuz the box works in space. And it works i guess??

4/10 sexy demon lady cenobite is fucking hot

Hellraiser Inferno - the main character is a cop that cheats on his wife, does hard drugs, doesnt seem to care for his kid, and lies to his boss about important murder info. So basically hes terrible. So this dude is obsessed with finding the engineer who is killing people. Also the lament configuration is still here. He meets more new cenobites mainly the wire twins (which has the most confusingly erotic scene in the whole film iynyn) everyone think the main dude is the killer. Everyone around him dies and also he seems to be going through a lot mentally when in reality he opened the box and pinhead is coming after him. Big plot twist? Hes now in a time loop 3/10 points for the wire twins

Hellraiser Hellseeker - ok so. Kristi is back! She is now married to a piece of shit dude who brought her the box for their wedding anniversary. But also she is missing and the husband is the #1 suspect obviously. But he swears that its not him. But also he cheats on kristi with his boss. The husband has a series of hallucinations cuz he opened the box. But also his boss is now dead and he is the #1 suspect…….again. But his coworker was like “dude you fucked up our plan to get all of kristis money when we wanted to stage her death as a suicide”. Turns out this entire thing was a dream and kristi made a deal with the cenobites and she is still alive

5/10 tbh the plot twist at the end saved the entire movie for me

Hellraiser Deader - ok this one is confusing and tbh i barely remember it so bare with me. Reporter girl is given a tape by her boss and told to investigate it. Its a cult around the lament configuration. So she is trying to figure out more and goes on wacky adventures including an orgy train. But the people who died in this cult place actually come back to life. Thats a big part. But it has to be a certain way. Ok so at this point i googled the plot and i still cant make sense of it sooo…….

6/10 i actually enjoyed this movie even tho i have no clue whats going on

Hellraiser hellworld - hear me out. What if the lament configuration was a video game? I shit you not that is the plot. If you solve the box then you get an invitation to a special party. Bunch of friends blame themselves for their friends suicide btw. The host is this old man btw. But the people are taken apart one by one and killed by the cenobites. Or the host. Actually its kinda both. The host is actually their dead friends dad who drugged them and turned out this is all a hallucination. Also he summoned the cenobites from the box that his son used so turns out their dead friend was just kinky. But 2 people lived

4/10 not bad but not good. Also i had no idea that henry cavill was in it

Hellraiser Revelations - 2 families meet up on the anniversary of their sons death. One son was dating the others daughter. They filmed themselves going to mexico and getting drunk. Also having sex with other ladies and filming it. But one of them died. So they kinda go on the run? But in the end they are given the box so its kinda obvious where they are. But its not! Cuz one of them, the one with the sister, is still alive! But hes not acting right! Also the house is kinda in its own space field cuz they cant go anywhere or call anyone. Turns out (after a fucking awful scene where the bro and sis kiss) the brother isnt actually the brother but the friend who stole the others skin. But the dude comes back and kills him

5/10 eh wanted more pinhead

Hellraiser judgment - so this dude (who is highkey kinda cute tho) writes peoples sins? And another dude eats it. Its so fucking gross. So there is a detective who works with his bro. Detective is way to invested in the person that they are looking for who is killing a lot of people. Also btw the dog doesnt die! The dog is just stuffed in a ladies womb! Tbh i actually liked this movie. New detective sees that the dude is kinda sus. The bro says nah hes cool. But also hes not. He meets the cenobites but a fucking angel was like nope he cant die send him back out. Pinhead is essentially a mob boss in this one and i kinda love it. But he is not happy he wants to kill. The dude opened the box so pinhead must kill. Anyways turns out the dude is the killer and they figured this out from tale of 2 cities. But pinhead wants to kill!!! The angel stops him again saying that they need more sin. Hey remember how frank died in the first film with the hooks and that awesome final line? Yea they remake that with the angel it was pretty sick tbh

8/10 the eating in this movie made me sick

[short-simple-crystalclear]

To answer this question I need to tell you a bit more about the background. You know about those things more or less but I will interlink them with one another and it will be clearer when they are in one place.

I will tell you how my life looked before we happened.

Unstable, no commitments, jumping from one place to another, disappointment with people, constant nonfulfillment, the same companion all the time - me and me only. You know already that I am a seeker, every day, every minute, seeking for satisfaction, for meaning, for something that could fill that void inside me. It was very hard, I was unhappy, always acting as if everything was alright, being there for others and not for myself, changing environments as often as I could to finally find a place where I would feel good and comfortable. Apart from this, highly developed self criticism, constant efforts to improve myself - my interpersonal skills, my education, qualifications, my personality, my appearance. Because I still had this void in me, what is it? Lack of meaningful relationships? Low self-esteem? Lack of self acceptance? I didn’t know, so I worked on everything, always pushing myself over my limits. And constantly distracting myself from this feeling of emptiness and lacking. Either by next job, next bartender or barista training, excel courses, tax advisory courses, work and travel in America, study exchange, crossfit, yoga, japanese, eating, sleeping, going to the cinema alone, listening to the music at full volume. Everything I could find to meet new people, to forget about myself for a minute and to find meaning. I really was miserable, I could be surrounded by people who cared for me and adored me, and I still felt as if I was alone. But because it has been lasting for so long, I learned to deal with it. And here comes my mindset, my habits, everything that I must have given up before deciding you will be my future husband.

Freedom and individualism - those became (subconsciously) my most important values in life. I could go anywhere I wanted, so I was going, I didnt have any relationships, it was great, I didnt have to explain myself and my bizarre ideas to anyone. But because it was quite painful I started creating this vision of myself in my mind - what will I do, where will I work, where will I go during those times of the year which are associated with family and other people. I have experience in spending New Years eve alone (or with my parents, so the same thing) since 2014. In Poland not going to a party on New Year’s Eve means that you are a loser and a social zero. So I was both, invisible and social zero, no one could know about this, it is too shameful, it shows how unattractive I am, so I had to lie about my plans to people who asked me what was I doing. But yeah, I already had experience with New Year’s.

Next, Christmas - right after I move out from Poland I most likely wont go back home for Xmas because why would I? For the past 3 years I have treated every Christmas spent with my family as the last one. So I made peace with it too.

Next, and this is the biggest one, my normal everyday life - I will hire myself in a company or sth, climbing the career ladder, not worrying whether I will have kids or not because I wasnt even sure if I wanted them. How my life would look like? I live alone, go to work in the morning, go back from work in the evening, I go to yoga class or any other place and then I sit at my home and look for more opportunities for myself to grow. Still, no commitments, maybe random sex maybe not (depending on my confidence and relationship with my body), no adjusting to anyone else, changing social circles often (to avoid commitment) or being alone since I am so comfortable with my own company after all of these years. Besides, I cant trust anyone, people want to hurt me or destroy my plans and make me fail. It’s easier to be alone and observe everyone, and silently work on my achievements so no one can see. Do you remember our first fight? About sleeping around? That’s exactly what I (and you) was fighting with, I said “When it comes to me, sex was the only thing left that I couldn’t do without a man”. Exactly. And I wrote even more concerning this “I could imagine myself hitting 30, with my “dream job” making me miserable, with good apartment, surrounded by expensive things which were supposed to make me less lonely, with my eating disorder thriving, and with my vibrator in the drawer next to my bed, definitely overused one.” Similar to what I have written a couple of lines up, right? But that was my future in my mind, I planted this seed and accepted it. This was the way to prevent myself from more disappointment, broken heart and loneliness. I prepared myself in advance for all of them. I knew it was bad for me, but it was the only way I could cope with my hopelessness.

So what did I have to give up when I started a relationship with you? That I could go anywhere I wanted without much planning, that I could be fully flexible with my decisions because there was no other person involved, that I didnt have to know where I will end up in the end because I can always move and find a new place for myself. I had to give up my constant search for meaning and fulfillment. I had to give up my independence. Because if I am in a relationship I cant have secrets, I cant make plans that nobody knows about, I cant just go out without saying anything, I cant make decisions by myself without taking anyone else into consideration. I cant follow my strategy anymore - that no one really knows who I really am, no one knows my stories. I still perceived myself as not ready, not good enough, not having enough to give, because I knew how unstable I am, I knew well my urges to run away from people, I knew that I indeed loved being careless and free. Freedom, I understood and loved it, and I couldn’t give it up. I didn’t have much but I had this total independence, no matter how many mistakes I made, how bad my situation was, I could just turn around, change my living place and create my new identity over and over again. I also used it to stay myself, after giving away myself to others for years, I could go away and recover. I knew the costs were high, but at least I didn’t have to pay the greatest cost - being myself and accept everything that comes with it. I knew it was bad for me, I knew that. But that was living in me, so strongly, those were my reactions and thoughts which I had for years. That mindset was very important to me - not staying anywhere for too long, trying new things, being independent and not having to explain myself to anyone, changing people so they cant develop expectations. I didnt start any romantic relationship to protect myself from exposure and rejection when he finds out how I really am.

When I met you I had to give up all of that thinking, I had to make a mess with my life and destroy the whole system with no guarantee that I wont fuck up this relationship too because my demons will take over.

Now you can see why I behave in a way I behave, why I misbehave and do those unpredictable things. I decided I would give up all of this, but they are still troubling me, they dont want to let go. They are hijacking me from time to time and I have to fight with them. Unfortunately, sometimes I lose the duel, and then hurt you. Examples are: when I run away in September, when I wasn’t replying to you at the beginning of January for the whole day, when I triggered our first fight about sleeping around, female masturbation and vibrators, that’s why I still considered HPV vaccine even though you said we don’t need it, that’s why I dont like sending pictures of me to you, that’s why I say “everything is fine” even if it isnt, that’s why I had this dilemma about Toronto and couldnt see from the very beginning that you are most important to me, that’s why I didnt want to tell you about antidepressants, that’s why I was thinking and thinking again about our relationship and assessing whether I am still an asset to you, that’s why I asked if you would accept me if I leave you now and come back after a couple of years, that’s why I was pushing you away and pulling you closer, that’s why I ask for reassurances when you say you want me or you love me, that’s why I provoke you and actually cross the line, that’s why I make you uncomfortable sometimes with what I say, that’s why I kept you at arm’s length distance sometimes, thats why I believed that no one is irreplaceable and that love is conditional, that’s why I didnt want to go public with our relationship, at least on my side, that’s why at first I was telling you that you will have another wife, because I was afraid I will hurt you and let you down, that’s why I wasn’t so sure if I want to start a relationship with you at first, because I was sure I will ruin you and hurt the person that I love the most on this planet. I was pushing you away not because I wanted freedom, I was pushing you away because I could see how strong these demons and this thinking are inside me. And I was frightened that I would leave you one day in the future when it’s already too late, when you invest too much, when you completely adjust your life to be with me and when it’s too late for you to forget about me and find another girl for yourself. You can see that I had a lot of issues from the very beginning but you didn’t know because I wasn’t communicating them. And now I am communicating them but they are not as strong anymore.

And this void is still present there, I am still self conscious and too shy. When you came you didnt fill these holes in me, you didnt fix what was broken. No. You created new things, you created spheres that I never had, you built your own creations in my mind. And they are all warm, loving and comfortable. And now my mind and my body is colorful, there’s a lot of vibrant colors which you brought but there is also a lot of darkness. All I have to do is to give up on those destructive mechanisms that are old and no longer supportive and focus on the new ones. And I am relieved it is like this, I really am. You know why? Because you have built something sustainable, you are not a guy for one night who will help me forget about myself, you are not amphetamine which could get me high for a couple of hours. And it brings me peace and tranquility, that I am not using you to fill this void only and discard you when you stop “working”. But it will take me some time to unlearn all of the things that I was doing for years. I can clearly see how much I have changed during the past 6 months, from a complete doubt through confusion to a total belief. How I perceived myself unworthy of your love and now I accept it.

It wasn’t a coincidence that I was single. And you know how many opportunities I had to start a relationship, but I never had one because no one was worth it. Worth leaving my principles and plans. Until I met you. And when I am saying that I don’t want to be with anyone else I know what I am saying. I don’t want to be with anyone else.

And this Toronto thing, oh Elias. I never did something like this before, I think it was the biggest sacrifice of my life, because indeed, I did sacrifice my “alternative life”, pleasing others, forgetting about myself and helping them, doing the most unexpected thing without consequences, cutting my current relationships, turning my life upside down. But giving up Canada is a one thing, I won’t even apply, even though I already paid for the application fee, it means that I didn’t leave a second door for myself, I can’t run away in case I change my decision, there’s no way back, and I always, always leave a buffer zone for myself. Not this time, I can’t change my mind next month or in two months. It’s like I gave up my own security, my backup, part of my identity. I have never done more to any other person, never. I gave up my way of living. And it’s all for you.

[jenniferstolzer]

Buffy episodes 7 - 9

I’m going tt actually have time to watch this dumb show today b/c the house is empty. Praise the lord. 

Episode 7 Lie to Me... or as the font on the dvd menu looks “Lie to Die” 

Spike’s girlfriend is being creepy to a kid. She’s the best. What is her name? Pricscilla? I don’t even remember. Angel to the rescue! He’s trying to save his kids. 

Ms Calendar and Giles are going on a date and they’re so cute. He’s like “I don’t do surprises. What would I wear?”

Now everyone’s in the BAngel camp, even Giles. 

“Marie Antoinette careda bout them. They were going to let them have cake!” No Cordelia, she was not. 

Xander is so insensitive.

“That’s Angel, Buffy’s special friend.” Xander

“Is he at school? He looks older.” Ford

Xander “YOU’RE NOT WRONG!”

Ford comes over after she kills a vampire and is like “Hey, what’s up?”

Angel’s jealous. He’s also wearing some wicked Lipstick this episode. Willow is also wearing makeup to bed. Teens, am I right?

“Ms Calendar and I are going ... someplace. Here is the number of her... beeper... thing... in case you need me.” Giles is adorable. 

Did Xander just call Willow a cow?

They went to a vampire bar. “These people are making up stories about friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.” Then a guy dressed exactly like Angel comes down the stairs. That’s great. 

Druscilla then. We know an awful lot about people’s private lives. This ep is a lot of worldbuilding.

“I’ve known you for two minutes and I can’t stand you, I can’t really feature you living forever.” Spike is the best.

“Who is Druscilla? And stop lying to me, I’m tired of it.” Good job Buffy!

“I love you, but I’m not sure if I trust you.” Buffy’s on fire today.

“Thats’ up to me to descide!” GOOD JOB

Wow, Angel...

Ford “Hey Buffy! I had a good time last night.” He says in the most evil way possible.

Buffy’s being way perceptive but not perceptive enough to avoid a trap.

“You are playing in some serious traffic here” that’s a great line. 

“You look like a big ninny.” Who are you, Dr. Smith?

I’m glad she explained the demon aspect to Ford. He’s got plot cancer though and will die in six months, so he thinks it’s okay to kill lots of people. He thinks because he has a headache it invalidates right and wrong. “I don’t have a choice.”

“You do have a choice. It’s not a good choice, but you have it.” Buffy is ON FIRE.

And everyone gets mercilessly eaten... or not. Ugh I thought this show had teeth for a moment :( 

No! Buffy! Why didn’t you stake her? She’s evil and her life is torment. I mean I want her around b/c she’s great, but the door was gonna lock behind you, just stake her and go.

Ford “Well? What about my reward?”

“You mean dying pretty? Coming right up.”

This episode is trying to be mature, not in its behaviors but in its thinking. Punctuated by the talk Buffy and Giles have at the end. Then Ford comes back to life and she stakes him in one second before continuing their conversation like nothing happened. This is a statement moment for the show, yes. Also that might be my favorite minute and a half of the show so far. Buffy asks Giles for a nice lie, and he describes what the show potentially could be, but because he frames it as a lie he’s letting everyone know this is changing into a different kind of show. Stakes are raised (literally for the joke, emotionally for the show) and there will be real danger, but there’s humor as well. This ep was a little odd but did mark a tone shift from what I’ve seen so far. On to the next. 

Ep 8: The Dark Age

No cold open on this one. 

“I need to see Giles.”

“Giles is our librarian. Next building over first door on your left.”

Also it’s 3am and he’s probably at home.

Cut from death to jazzercize. What a transition. All my faves never like dance music. :(

I love Ms Calendar and Giles, but she’s kind of mean to him. Now she’s propositioning him for sex. Getting a weird vibe on her? “Let’s see if I can make you squirm.” Giles: SQUIRMING RIGHT NOW THANK YOU.

And Giles is met by lady cop. Morgue guy isn’t very sensitive when Giles is here to identify a body.

Oh no Phillip has the mark of thorn! Or it’s on his arm so I guess it’s the mark of voldamort? 

Blood shipment bust. Angel comes to help. She’s like “You want to make sure the hospital gets the rest?” Angel has a look on his face like “You want me to starve”

Poor Giles is having a hard time. He has to call next of kin? Dierdre we already know is dead b/c the beginning. AW, he’s gonna cry! Oh Giles. All your friends are dying in a hurry. And he’s drinking now too. We know Ethan has a stupid magic curiosity shop, I guess we have to chase him down. 

GILES ALSO IS A DEATH EATER. 

He washes his face and looks up into the mirror without glasses and it’s like ...

Xander you continue to be the worst thing in the world.

Cordelia “He seemed perfectly normal yesterday when I saw him talking to the police. Something about a homicide?”

Costume guy has returned as he promised. I’m surprised it was so soon

Omg Giles and friends summoned a demon. 

ETHAN PUT BUFFY BETWEEN HIM AND PHILLIP what a snake! Although it’s probably the safest course of action, she’s a monster and the zombie is after her. It’s very convenient they have a cage in the library. They use it a lot.

“You put these people in danger. People I care about.”

Guess that cage isn’t as good at being a cage as it should be. It’s good that he didn’t melt on the books I guess. 

Giles is like “Lean on me.” and I’m like “Too bad she’s probably evil now.... yeah she’s got a demon in her.”

Giles is sans glasses and wild.

“How do you feel about digging through Giles’ personal files?”

“I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?”

omg Xander knows he’s the worst? And he doesn’t care that he’s the worst. He’s the worst.

Temporary host turn to permanent vessel. Ms Calendar rips the phone out the wall. “You can take advantage of me in my weakened state.” Then she tries to force him. She says “You are like a woman Rupert.” I hate this show.

The demon talking out of Jenny’s body is a nice touch. Giles is gonna lose all his friends AND his girlfriend. 

Ms Calendar jumps out the window... it really was the mark of thorn. 

Giles “I’m sorry.”

Buffy “Don’t be sorry, be Giles.”

omg Giles was a rockstar :) Studying history at oxford and the occult by night. Summoning demons for a high. 

“I don’t know how to stop it without killing Jenny.” he says, nearly sobbing. Poor broken babydoll. I love how much Buffy loves him, although “I’m sorry”/”I know” lacks that little reassurance he would probably like.

Uhoh Buffy’s getting a tat!

Willow is still the best.

Buffy is insanely lucky there was that exposed screw on the bottom of that table. i’m sorry the demon didn’t kill Ethan anyway. If removing the tattoo solves the problem why didn’t everyone get tattoo removal?

ANGEL CAME IN WITHOUT BEING INVITED.

He also absorbed a demon. This is probably bad.

Or not? Angel’s demon is apparently a kickboxer. Makes it easy!

“Now I have to blow my entire allowance to get this tattoo removed.” she says, wearing a backless shirt.

Jenny’s gonna break up with him. Like, you were a technomage in a previous ep Calendar. It’s okay that she’s traumatized though, not saying it’s not. Anyone would be. I’m just saying that blaming Giles is not really fair. 

Buffy “I’m so used to you being the grownup, but then I found out you were a person.”

Giles “Most grownups are.”

Episode 9 What’s My Line Prt 1

So Drusilla is sick? Her madness?

“It looks like latin but it’s not latin. It’s not even a language.”

“Then MAKE it a language!” 

Spike I don’t think that’s how writing works lol.

Angel’s standing tehre in Buffy’s house (not invited) holding Gordo the Pig so cute b/c he looks scared. Buffy’s like “You okay?” and I’m like “No, I had a demon fight in my head and it’s been kinda rough.”

“We could be normal kids.”

“I’ll never be a kid.”

“Okay, a normal kid and her creepy cradle robbing boyfriend.” 

Xander’s assigned to be a prison guard. I can see that. He’ll make good money sitting around being unhappy and low-key rude to everyone. 

She’s crying for help, Giles. Be a councilor.

Spike is calling in the Order of Bullshit to kill Buffy. Cant’ wait.

Xander stop insulting Snyder. He’s ferengi. He’ll embezzle you to death.

“You’re worthless, Harris. Everything that comes out of your mouth its a toxic event.” Wow. Snyder. My man. You read Xander like a queen. You and me, Quark, you and me.

Willow apparently scored the Stark internship. Cue meetcute with Joker.

Buffy’s pissed that she was picked to be a cop. Then GIles points out that being a cop woudl be a good gig for her. She’s pissed but... yeah... Dresden that nonsense up.

Norman Fister with beautiful skin care.

Buffy’s skating and when the vampire picks her up by the neck she puts her feet straight in the air. So much core strength!!! Figure skate to the throat!

People need to tell Buffy what’s going on. None of this “Get out of here and hide while I take care of it.”

Okay the “I didn’t even notice” thing was super cute. This is the kinda stuff that will turn me into a BAngel.

Omg Fister was a meal worm man.

Buffy goes and curls up in Angel’s bed. Its sad and cute. Life’s hard as a slayer.

Angel doesn’t need to shake this yahoo for information. Idiots know that Spike got this assassin after Buffy. Oh he’s doing this so they can have a fight in this restaurant set. I dig this chick vampire’s Jamaican accent although I suspect it’s not authentic. 

Xander and Cordelia are hanging out a lot. 

Women are apparently weak for free skin product. 

Chick fight means you use your fingernails? At least scratch out her eyes.

She is Kendra the Vampire Slayer!

omg cliffhanger :) Gonna have to come back later for this one. 

[yakumtsaki]

We don't like to do too much explaining, story stayed the same through the money and the fame, cause we... STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW WE’RE HERE ♪

As loyal readers may or may not remember, my original plan was to faithfully follow legacy rules and slowly build a greek house for the kids, using w/e money we had in junior year. Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions! Which doesn’t really apply here but i like saying it. I’m actually not sure I even get what it means. Point is the nll update came in the meantime and despite my lawful intentions I was too done to build a house, so we commandeered the sorority house, banished DJ and co in the sim bin, added a gorilla statue and our proud letters (U-U-U) and here we are! I gave the house an extensive 10 minute makeover, bringing our funds to an impressive:

NOICE. We’re gonna starve but at least we’ll do it next to our bowling alley. Joining us in this glorious endeavor are Brit Brit, Melody and Frances J, while Wyatt and Ti-Ning have pledged and are expected to move in shortly. I doubt the sim world has ever seen such a bunch of assholes under the same roof.

Our first night is off to an incredible start, as everyone is starving, no one knows how to cook, we’ve ordered both pizza and chinese food and are thus completely broke, and megabitch Brit Brit has been hitting poor Fran with a baseball for 3 hours:

-Ooops, I did it again >:)

Idk but I have a feeling me and Brit are gonna get along great!

Finally, it looks like Fran is concussed enough to make a move on Jojo, which marks the start of the 3-man race for his tiny, vicious heart. Place your bets and take some dramamine cause it’s gonna be a wild ride. 

Case in point, it’s a new day in a new kitchen and Jojo’s mind is occupied by thoughts of everyone’s fav french-arabian prince, Wyatt Monif. Since Wyatt is a pledge and there are term papers that need writing we invite him over..

..and things are heating up. You know, if heating up means Jojo continues to be a pain in the ass and still doesn’t have a crush on Wyatt even though they’ve made out a hundred times. Jojo WHAT IS YOUR DEAL

-It’s called being a stone-cold motherfucker, you should give it a try. Now Wyatt, just because we’re best friends and semi-lovers doesn’t mean you’re still not a lowly pleb pledge completely at my mercy, so don’t get any ideas.

-Of course not, I’d rather die than disappoint my dear Jojό!

-Well let’s see which happens first.

-Oh, don’t worry, Gunthèr, it is I who will win Jojό’s heart!

-Yeah, I’m the complete opposite of worried.. whatever that is.

-Calm?

-WHATEVER THAT IS

-..Are you sure college is the right trajectoire for you?

Finally. THE TIME IS NEIGH. Hope you’re all ready for Ti-Nings personality panel........................

.............................................LMAO. Perfect Jojo match!

RICH BITCH CONVENTION. Seriously these 3 have a combined of what? 7 nice points? Put them all together and you make one bearable person.

-Aw, Jojό, is that a hunting knife in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

-I’m happy to see you!

-Ok I lied it was a hunting knife.

-Oui, I can tell :(

Small dick jokes aside, Wyatt is now not only officially in love with Jojo but apparently ready to commit his life to this monstrosity. Which you know, Jojo is a Union and I’m under contractual obligation to love him but Wyatt, seriously. You’re still young, a lot of fish in the pond, normal, nice, non-serial-killing fish..

-LOCK.THE.WANT.

Fine, can’t beat young love I guess! I mean if Romeo and Juliette teaches us anything...

...it’s that only death can.

For whom the bell tolls..

Oh Max........... the pleasure will be all mine.

One last kiss for the road... The road which leads to me never seeing Max’s fug clone ass on Jojo’s panel again.

Oh you’re a crafty one aren’t you!! Trying to charm your way out before I lock you in!! Thankfully Jojo has your number.

-Absolutely not, Max, I already have 3 people pursuing me, this is just excessive! Now get in there and die!

-Ugh fine, but my heart’s not gonna be in it.

Meanwhile, disaster has struck our house in the form of that stupid fucking coach, resulting in me facing the sight of Gunther doing lunges in this indescribable outfit. I don’t know how long it will be before I can look at him with the same eyes again.

-I suffer now but Mel is gonna thank me later ;)

Remember when you were an innocent weird little kid and not a sex demon??? Those were the fucking days.

Back in the yard and while the world awaits Max’s demise with bated breath, Frances has resorted to pulling dirty tricks. For shame, what did Wyatt ever to do to you, he’s a sweetheart!

-Well I’m not. And that’s why I deserve Jojo, unlike that family-aspiration-6-nice-points flop.

Yea you definitely deserve each other, no arguments here.

OH MAN, Wyatt is not playing around, he’s in it to win it. 

-Your move, Frannie. 

-Name your price, you french harlot. 

-Forget about it, mon ami, can’t buy me love.. Though I’m sure you’ve tried with that mug.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG FINALLY

-Ohoho suck it, Fran, I’m going napoleonic wars on your pasty british behind!

-Yes, that’s an apt metaphor considering the FRENCH LOST. Don’t get comfortable, pal, you won the battle but I’ll win the war.

-EXCUSE MOI, CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF JOJO FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME

I don’t mean to interrupt this thrilling conversation...

....BUT WILL MAX EVER EAT THE FUCKING CAKE

-Please bitch, the cake is a lie. 

God, fuck you, Portal, you overrated piece of shit.

Seriously guys, Wyatt is diabetes-inducing-sweet. He doesn’t even get mad when the cow does that pillow fight thing on him, instead he actually starts playing with him? What an angelic creature. I’m really starting to feel the urge to protect him from Jojo. If that plan goes as well as my plan to kill Max, WHO IS NOW BIRDWATCHING, you can count on them getting married by the end of this shitshow.

This rando ass prof comes to visit us and Ti-Ning has been mercilessly bullying him for the better part of the day. Ti-Ning, as much as I appreciate your relentless evilness, maybe you should focus your energy on something else, like perhaps going after Jojo aka THE REASON I MOVED YOU IN?

-Lol whatever, I have Jojo in the bag, he wants the one he cannot have...

Yea he also has 2 hotter guys than your bird ass after him, so time to step up! I mean look at this shit:

Wyatt has the relationship advantage, Fran the chemistry one, and you have shit even though you’re the biggest freak of the 3 and the closer one to Jo’s terrifying personality points! Take what is yours boo!

NOOOOO #REJECTED. Man that was some bad advice. Sorry Ti!

-UGH can’t believe I listened to you, ‘express my feelings’, what am I, 12?

Yea yea I’m sorry, let’s go back to your strategy of being a massive bitch.

The day is coming to an end. Jojo is eating pizza while his suitors work out..

 Gunther is back to doing ballet while Brit has picked up the mantle of torturing the prof..

AND MAX HAS YET TO DIE. JFC. At this rate he’s gonna die of hunger before he gets eaten which is not how I roll, I wanted something quick, painless and fun for his murder but WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS CAN WE. Even in death you decide to be a fucking pain in the ass GOD. YOU ARE THE WORST. While I’m contemplating ways to solve my little Komei clone problem a little window pops up and my first thought is ‘someone died of hunger’ but then I look and what do I see....

A PLOT FUCKING TWIST, THAT’S WHAT. Our good Jojo here waited until Wyatt and Fran were conveniently both at class to go for it! And now the real race for the crown begins. In the game of thrones, you win or you die birdwatch next to a cowplant, apparently. JUST DIE ALREADY MAX. Be a pal.

[kasunex]

Yesterday me and @heiligelanze were bored so I made this trash complaining about P4. Don’t read if you like P4. Unless you are very chill about people hating on it. 

we talk about why p4 is not good. 

#1 - Boring characters

Yosuke: Wah wah small town is borin (why doesn't he just plan to move when he's older), also homophobic in way that suggests writers thought we were too. neck is too long. Also not closeted >:/

Yu Narukami: Stupid name, stupid design, stupid fuckin face, I hate him, no character arc or character at all, Gary Stu. Boring peice of shit. Also. Not GAY Enough >:/

Yukiko: Boring. Thinks she's trapped into being innkeeper when not at all. Never tells parents she doesn't want to or makes any attempt to change anything. Only other character trait is laughs (annoying)

Chie: Guyz I like kung fu n meat isnt that quirky, (bc apparently women don't like meat?????) also not gay or trans >:/

Kanji: Almost good. But misleads to think he is good representative media pushing artistic gay man strugling against stereotypes that gays rnt tough. Actually about gender roles but not well explored. Hinted to be bi at best. Atlus u fuckin cowards let me be gay for once >>>>>>>>>://////////////////

Rise: 2 kawaii. Gets annoying. Unwarranted, undeserved crush on main character you cant say no to. (But unlike p3 game doesn't make u with her but we will get to THAT LATER FUCKING P4G)

Naoto: Too good for game. Shoulda been trans tho. 

Teddie: Remove or kill. Annoying af. Tries to steal ur girl. Major mysognist (game is like lol) 

Mitsuo: Insulting to ugly people and to gamer fanbase

Moorako: Insulting to ugly people. Hahah who cares hes dead he was uggo lol

Hanako: Fat ppl r gross rite guys lollolollolllollolololollollololl haha she thinks she's atrratcievew lolololo fat pppl thinkin their hot lololololololo

Kashiwagi: She's old but busted except she looks 30 and treated as gross icky old woman when real teens would be like "I wanna bang dat shit on de desk"

Dojima: Ok I guess

Nanako: Emotional manipulation. doesn't die. unrealistically precious and mature. 

Adachi: Presents as awkward relatable BUT NO ACTUALLY EVIL OVER THE TOP EVIL MUHAHAHA because he couldn't just be a cool guy with a darker side, had to be ANIME CRAZY EVIL DID IT FOR THE LULZ

Namatame: Not built up enough, comes fuckiin out of nowhere

Izanami: Comes even more da faq outta nowhere (GUYS THAT GAS STATION ATTENDENT SHAKING YOUR HAND OBVS EQUALS EVIL OR PLOT SIGNIFICANT LOL) also rips off Nyx and does it shitty

Ameno-Sagiri: Comes even MORE da faq outtta nowhere and vanishes da faq outta nowhere, also irrelevant to plot and meaningless distraction

Margret: Boring af, no personality at all, Elizabeth was more fun 

Saki: Underdeveloped bitch, supposed to be so sad when dies despite not being shown for anythin but bitch also supposed to feel bad for yosuke when she dies even tho she hated him and he would have been rejected anyway seriously wtf

Marie: COMPLETELY IRREDEMABLE GARBAGE FIRE OF PANDERING TRASH. SHOEHORNED INTO PLOT WHEN COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS AND IRRELEVANT. GAME FORCES HER AS LOVE INTEREST WHEN SHE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO STEAL WORST GIRL FROM YUKIKO. ANNOYING TSUNDERE STEREOTYPE. MAKES ME WANT TO KILL SELF.

#2 - Shit plot

Boring af. Crappy tonal issues all the way thru. WAY TO SLICE OF LIFE WHO FUCKIN CARES. 

HEY IM A TRANSFER STUDENT JUST LIKE LAST GAME LOL. Everyone loves me immediately even tho im a lil bitch. 

Oh noes murder of some random chick we never met so sad ;~;

Meet Chie n Yukiko both boring af, immediately like me 

Yosuke is trash can, Mitsuo is creppy and wierd b/c gamers r uggo and uggo ppl are socially inept and suck

Bitchy girl shows up and then dies

Yosuke does1n't get dick wet (he wouldn't anyways but still) so sad 

See TV world, meet worst character in ORGINAL game (assult of bear puns)

fight dumb fuckin demon frog bc yosuke is bored (wtf is dis shit)

Chie is gay bUT NOT REALLY  

Boss of dungeon is too hard, someone went missing or something idk who cares

Meet gay but nOT REALLY

Chases u bc u judge him but NOT REALLY

Gets kidnapped, gay dungeon bUT NOT REALLY actually about gender and cuz he likes cute stuff means he's gay STUPID but actually he's not because gays r icky lol 

Campin time yaya the girls can't cook pffffft a WOMAN CANT COOK TF WOW WOW SO FUNNY A WOMAN CANT COOK WTF WHAT TEH FUCK and also HANAKO IS FAT AND That's' bad

HOMOPHOBIA TIME LOL KANJI IS GAY ARE YOSUKE AND YU SAFE IN A TENT WITH HIM? FIND OUT AT 11

Sexism next day when Yosuke is like I bought u girls sexy swimsuits and will now shame you to wear them ARENT I AN ENDEARING CHARACTER but no dicks are wet except with water (also vomit) including kanji lol abuse (also that could have seriously injured but never brought up BECAUSE ABUSE IS LOLOLOLOOLLOLLLOLLLLOLLLOLLLLLLLLOLLLL) Also game forced u/Yu to be sexist too fuck off game

Nanako is sad whatever who cares

Yosuke wants idol puss so yay idol but shes sad so we stalk guilible peepin tom who is the killer but NOT REALLY while adachi is quirky

Rise is sad that she doesnt know who she is or something fuckin idk STRIPPING TIME BOWCHICAWOWOW also teddie feels useless so everyone dies or smth

Teddie comes out of TV and is now human and annoying mother fucker, Rise is now not sad but KAWAII and Yosuke no longer wants idol puss idk but but IDOL PUSS WANTS BORING FUCKBOY YU DICK (not pandery at all, just your average sexy teen idol wants boring fuckboy)

Teacher is dead he was dick and uggo so who cares lol

Chase after uggo game lover nerd haha dungeon is nerdy game shit lol video games cause violence right guys? Didnt u know that video gamers are all ugly socially inept muderous pathetic freaks????? THATS U BTW UR UGGO INEPT MUDEROUS CREEPY LOSER FREAK LOL 

Also rise cums when you kill enemies 

Now murders are solved rite so lets have celebration!!!! Girls make omlettes but they CANT COOK LOL wasnt that so funny last time joke so nice they made it twice

Summer festival time Rise wants yu dick and Yosuke wants wet dick but teddie claims all three girls for himself and they go without protest despite not wanting to because they are STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE AND KNOW NOT TO BACKTALK THEIR MAN (isnt this game so progressive) 

PERSONA 3 REFERENCES also underage drinking bUT NOT REALLY JUST SEXUAL HARASSMENT BECAUSE LOL also teddie stalks them lol also teacher books SEX HOTEL???? How wacky

You kno how muder was solved WELL NOT REALLY WHAT A SHOCK THE GAME HAD NO PLOT FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS anyways

Naoto is strong masculine manly mc man detective but gets kidnapped and is actuallY TRANS BUT NOT REALLY IS ACTUALLY JUST GIRL AND THINKS SHES CHILDISH OR SOMETHING but NOT REALLY ACTUALLY SHE’s JUST LONELY but not really idefk. Remember kiddies being different is okay!!! uwu (so long as you ARENT ACTUALLY DIFFERENT U FREAKOZOID kill urself)

Cultrue festival Rise wants u 2 do her in school halls balls deep but game doesn't let you????? lame 0/10 

But then YOSUKE FORCES GIRLS INTO UNCOMFORTABLE beauty pagent that they cant back out of even if someone else signed them up under penalty of DEATH AND RAPE (I presume) because yosuke remains such an endearing character BUT THEN girls get revenge by forcing him into drag contest and u and kanji too even tho it was only yosuke because the GIRLS ARE SUCH AMAZING FRIENDS lol girls are objectified lol fatty thinks shes hot lolllollollooololooloololoollolololooll0lkooolloollololoololol (game designers had to stop in order to finish laughing at own jokes)

then drag contest ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww grosssssssssssssss icky teddie wins because................a dude? PASSING AS A WOMAN??????? Totes not transphobic vibes none at ALL

then HOT SPRINGS SLEEPOVER at inn because there is just SO MUCH MORE FUNNY TO BE HAD (isnt this all so relevant to plot and character??? rich narrative very necessary part of story, game would be UNSALVAGABLE without it) 

Girls are bitches and think that guys are perving because hot springs doesn't tell them when it's time for girls to go? ?????? Great fuckin service amagi inn also why would the guys perv by just casually walking in??? Why why why why why qwhyw why why anyways they throw buckets at the guys and it's HILARIOUS and not at all uncomfortable, guys run away in terror and the girls are like YEAH GIRL POWER!!! Then they find out about mistake and apologize like good friends, people and normal humans would b/c even for pervin that was extra  no just kidding LOL They actually keep it a secret becausE LOL GIRL POWER STRONG RELATABLE FEMALE CHARACTERS AMIRITE WHO HASNT ABUSED THEIR FRIENDS WITHOUT ANY FEELINGS OF REMORSE OR GUILT LOL (also nanako saw that all bad influence on child)

since the friendships are all so wholesome and not at all toxic or unhealthy the guys totally write this off and try to explain themselves to the girls. NO, actualyl, since Tedide and Yosuke are still such ENDEARING characters they instead decide to molest girls in sleep RELATABLE but uh oh they accidentally molest fatty and uggo old teacher who looks 30 and then fatty and teach are like cool let's fuck and like REAL TEENS they are grossed out at being offered sex because yuck women over 20 and fatty also why are fatty and "old" lady hangin out anyway?? Apparently if ur gross u hang out together, b/c that's how it works rite. such grea t non contrivences

Nanako is dying whatever who cares 

Namatame then kidnapps nanako or somth who cares dojima dies but NOT REALLY

then they go to heaven because nanako is sad but nobody gave a shit narukami never cared to ask or try to keep her company isn't he just so GREAT and considerate to the girl being boderline abused and neglected in his own fuckin house no who cares BUT NOW WE CARE RIGHT GUYS

Namatame is cray cray and his boss design is uggo and bullshit

Nanako dies, Yosuke advocates MURDER because he is still SO ENDEARING and player has to chose EXACT FUCKIN DIOLOGUE WITH NOT ONE MISTAKE OR EVERYTHIGN SUCKS AND ITS ALL UR FAULT also in some endings you murder because fuck you 

but then if u dont murder NANAKO WAS DEAD BUT NOT REALLY but only if u dont murder so congrats u were emotionally manipulated into killing the mentally ill b/c ur so great good job

then it turns out Namatame you know how he was cray cray well turns out he wANST REALLY CRAY he just had plot-convient-tempo-insanity-itius as the doctors call it then u talk to him and u know how he was the killer? Welll...NOT REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY he was actually good guy u almost killed innocent man fck u then u have three chances to guess killer and only u can and if you dont get it in three guesses you get, as the doctors call it, plot-convient-stupid-cant-think-anymore-itius and thus you run out of time and nobody in the world can guess except you and even over the next three months nobody can guess because who cares I guess lol 2 ppl r dead it turns out you know quirky relatable cop man well NOT FUCKIN REALLY he is actually crazy because he's bored and as everyone knows when youre bored you kill also he's sad that he doesn't have talent even tho he is sucessful detective???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? then god bullshit end of world or smth who cares

then everything is over also i forgot teddie disappears so sad but NOT REALLY

Christmas eve sex ( i banged rise on top of christmas cake) 

Girls can now cook character development girls learned how to cook 10/10 v progressive 

Then flash forward to three months later because fuck you and Yu is leavin because idk and the game ends BUT NOT REALLY ashkually you can get TRUE SUPER AWESOME ending if you are able to figure out that you have to go to junes for no reason except fuck you 

turns out the gas station attendent u know him? well he was super bored and he's actually a GOD WOWZERS so amazing did you know jesus was a part timer at a gas station????? NO??? That's why youre playing this sack of shit anyway humanity wants ignorance or so god says (sound familiar, Nyx??) and she almost wins BUT NOT REALLY Because yu has the power of frienship and you know that awesome scene of makoto fighting nyx? Well imagine thaT BUT SHIT b/c no buildup

for all ur xtra efforts u get teddie saying hearts are connected anime KH cliche (wasnt that so worth the extra bullshit dungeon) 

Yu is leaving SO SAD WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT P3 WUSS CAST? Your friend is dead? GTFO with those 1st world problems NARUKAMI HAS TO TAKE THE TRAIN TO SEE HIS FRIENDS THIS IS THE TRUE TRAGIC DRAMA WHAT COULD BE WORSE

THE END 0/10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

#3 - ASSULT OF THE CASH COWS

so p4 is gr8 rite m8? well no but apparentlly dumb 14yr old boys were like "omg this game half akcnowleges gays exsist so PROGRESSIVE also i can fuck mai waifu n have friends" and so p4 made a shit ton of money atlus saw dis money printin out and were like $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so dey were lyke "lets release a buncha shit”

Persona 4 The Animation: Imagine the same shitty p4 plot but with EVEN MORE HOMOPHOBIA!!!!! also racism!!!! plus MORE FAT JOKES!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaahahahahah also the animation is piss poor shit!!! Doesn't this sound wonderful????? 

Persona 4 Arena: So Atlus was lyke yannao wat totes goes with our super serious and super "mature" jrpg seriess? Do u kno? BLAZBLUE!!!!! The over the top weeb fighting game!!! YEah son!!!!! So anyways a fighting game comes out with barely any playable characters??????? Great. Fantastic not the least bit fanficy character writing. Also, there is a plot b/c dis shit be canon. Dats right!!! Now you may be thinking "mmmm how does that work????" well the geneiuses at atlus say "B/C SHITTY P3 RETCON CHARACTER IS SAD ABOUT DESTROYING FRINEDS WHOLE TV WORLD BECOMES ARENA WERE PEOPLE HAVE TO FIGHT FRIENDS" and u may hear that and wonder?? "what deh fuck, wasn't tv world gone also when did this ever happen in p4????" to which fanboys proply accuse u of hating fighting games and behead u. 

So at this point in time, P4 is offically dead. It is dead as doornails. but atlus is lyke "Hey let's rape the corpse" and they release shitty remake on overpriced shit system nobody bought. You may be wondering "2012 didn't p4 only come out less than five years ago????" to which atlus says "shut the fuck up and give us money" hence P4 Golden

Persona 4 Golden: Added marie, inistant failure trashfire BUT WAIT!!!! THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!!!! Added events!!! 

a) Yosuke wants dick wet and will cum if he feels boobs on his back!! So Yu and Yosuke team up to get shitty dumb ugly bikes b/c they're sooooo cooool rite mitsuru? You and ur dumb motorbike p4 is the real mature game. Anyway. Then they go hit on girls and yosuke gets one!!! YAY!! BUT OH NO!!! IT'S ACTUALLY STUPID FATSO STILL THINKIN SHE'S HOT WHEN SHE'S ACTUALLY STUPID BC SHE'S FAT!!! She then sits on yosuke's bike and it breaks because lol shes fat get it get it get it get it????? Doesn't this add so much to the story??? RICH NARATIVE RIGHT GUYS?!

b) BEACH TIME!!! Because that's where the real compelling drama is!!! Anyway they go to the beach and yuckerbears kanji is in a speedo!!! Gross!! I hope yosuke doesn't catch the gay!!! Then teddie tries to molest the girls bc he's such an endearing character lol then kanji's bathing suit falls off!!!! How did this happen u may ask?? ANIME MAGIC!! So then they dress kanji in seaweed like birth of venus and girls scream and run. the end. 

c) Fireworks festival yay time ted-fiya so memorable. Yosuke wants to murder Teddie bc PORN so funny haha more fat jokes also teddie wants 2 bang nanako

d) Nanako is sad again whatever who cares

e) Halloween party!!! BUT NOT REALLY!!

f) SKIING TRIP!!!! YAY!!! P3 REFERENCES!!! YAY!!! Shiptease!!! Yay!!! Teddie steals food so Naoto advocates for his MURDER!!! YAY!! IF YOU DID MARIES SLINK YOU GET XTRA AWESOME DUNGEON!! ALSO IMPLIED RAPEY SEX IN THE SNOW BUT NOT REALLY!!! ANYWAY turns out that marie sucked up the ameno sagiri fog! What u thought it just went away on its own?? BULLSHIT!!!! Next you'll be questioning the ever so important role of NPC John Smith in creating Izanami's gas attendent disguise. Or NPC Billy Bob in giving Ameno Saigiri directions to the boss fight. RIVETING DIOLAUGE LIKE "is this like the part in movies where the bad guys lair collapses??????" WORST GIRL IS DEAD BE SAD EVERYONE ELSE IS U MONSTER!!! BUT NOT REALLY!!! INSTEAD SHIP FUEL!!!! Also marie is polite for half second, AMAZES ENTIRE CAST GREAT WRITING!!!!!!!!! dont u love it when ur friends treat u like shit? then there’s a lovely scene where the dudes perv on the girls who are sexaulized and marie attacks them. Riveting. Then they all died and we were all happy. 

g) New years eve. That is all. also new stupid persona evolutions that look stupid. 

h) Valentine's DAY!!! I bang Rise on the da beach!!! Also if u slink with marie at all she forces you to cheat!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

i) OH, NO! Yosuke is going to have to move maybe idk wasnt he supposed to want to move??? idk shut up. anyways. to keep yosuke miserable his friends have to become a band in TWO DAYS!!!! How will they ever do that??? well guess what with zero experience the entire group becomes master musicians in TWO DAYS!!!!!!! That's right, it's that easy!!!! U 2 can become as good as Green Day in two Days!!!! not that they ever play again lol or ever bring this up again lol. Then the dudes jump into the crowd and lol the crowd dodges thme aand nothing is accomplished. 

j) New super awesome epilogue you only get if you slink marie even tho she isn’t there for 90% of it whatever the new designs suck

Anyway since the game isn't slice of life enough you can now bang rise in the movies and the hot springs also you can go out at night so exciting.

You can now force Naoto into sexy outfits against her will because isn’t it so cute when girls don’t like being objectified??? Also they molest her at the hot springs??? Also 

So yeah P4G sucks ass. But ATLUS didn't stop there!!!! OH no! Atlus then went on to make Persone Q!!! They decided this time to drag innocent bystander P3 as well!!

Persona Q: some bullshit about a dying girl causes the P3 and P4 cast to meet in a wonderful culture festival crossover!! With lovely gameplay and no regression in character!! Chie always had nothing to her past loving meat right????? Also yu can fuck the dog from p3!! isnt this so believable and not the least bit stupid or contrived? isn't it?? Isn't it???????? Not much to say its just dumb surely Atlus must be done now right?? RIGHT?? WRONG!!!!!!

 Now you see since P4G came out, OBVIOUSLY the anime needs to be partially remade! You may be asking, isn't the anime less than TWO YEARS old at this point? Why remake it? Did golden really have such a different story? No. 

P4 Golden Animation: Marie, marie, marie, marie, ten episodes of marie, never goes anywhere, confusing and boring af but look 16 yr olds in bikinis and nude and not totally shit animation so it's ok right? RIGHT? RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P4 at this point has been raped to death all over again and the corpse is still being fucked and they won't just let it die. BUT NO!!!! Enter p4 arena ultimax!!

P4 Arena Ultimax: B/c the first was so great, they made another!! Game so nice they made it twice!! but now the dark hour from p3 is back because idk we ran out of ideas. Also junpei and koromaru and adachi great. But guess what!!!!!! AWESOME NEW CHARACTER!! His name is sho!! He is the secret son of dude from P3, how is this possible? fuck you. Anyway he is so tragic and sad he hates friendship!! awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! :((((( But never fear!!! The p4 team will show sho the glory of frienship isnt this so interesting and original and great????

p4's violated, torn up corspe now has zero dignity left so atlus decided to reanimate the corpse with dead horse dildos and force it to dance 

P4 DAN: Dancing. Shit dancing. Nobody knows how to dance. Remember how P4 used to be about murder and accepting uncomfortable truths???? Well now its about shittily animated dances. Isn't this so great? Guess what we lean about the characters? We learn that they can't fuckin dance and watching them is cringy af. Also now the tv world is a dance stage because the tv world just does whatever the fuck we want it to. what if a characters shadow is a rapist, would they be forced to rape?? is that how atlus would make a porn game?? if we wanted to make a chess game a famous chess player who feels forced to play chess will then make u forced to play chess. .... so obivously, the P4 fandom realized that Atlus was raping their game and refused to buy it right?? RIGHT??? WRONG. They actually will castrate you with a rusty carving knife if you ever so much as imply P4 is a cash cow.

It totally is tho

[angelguk]

get to know me tag

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88 QUESTIONS (mae you cant call it 92 when it’s 88) AND TAG 20 PEOPLE (mini rant: why do these thing always request 20 people to tag. i dont even know ten people pls let me breathe) 

tagged by the literal angel @stormae

tagging: @jseokks / @taeyongbelviso / @floral-misfortune / @angelikidel99 / and who ever wants to do this

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: bitter af lemon tea

2. PHONE CALL: My friend Wanjiru

3. TEXT MESSAGE: there’s no school you think i’ll be outchea at 8

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Don’t Know You by Heize ( i love talent)

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: like last week wednesday. some shit happened

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nope

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: nope

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: everything here is going to be a no

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: ??? I don’t know

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: yes

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: no nope never i don’t leave the house

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. lilac

13. rose gold

14. dusty pink (or millennial pink if you must)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: I have which is a YAY

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: yep

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: All my friends are leaving/ moving to different schools because we finished year 11 now so yes I have. I’ve made so much memories with those uglies I’m going to miss them

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nah

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: ? I’ve been cooped up in my house so no I guess

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: lmao that was last year and that whole scenario was a mess

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: no

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: all of them I don’t add people I don’t know

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: I had pets!!! Two dogs but we left them in South Africa and two cats but they both passed away :(((

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: yes (my real name is wack hhh)

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: had a lunch/ dinner thing with my family

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: eight o’ clock 

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: finding out tea/gossip i love having late night calls which involve drama

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: my fucking results for IGCSES 

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: this morning before she left for work

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: my motivation because i’m lazy af and i would love the ability to interact with other people without wanting to literally combust into fucking flames

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: High by Jida

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: i have actually never talked to a Tom. there’s no Toms in Africa

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: personal stuff about my family

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): i have one on my left ear lobe, one on my chin on the right of my face, another on my hip and one on my right wrist

35. MARK(S): none

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: ironically it was to be a writer, my parents were really busy while i was growing up so i learnt to read so i could amuse myself. i started writing at 8 i think on my dad’s laptop and he was like “wowww!!!1!! that’s so good!” (it was a piece of shit i couldn’t form actual sentences) so yeah there’s that

37. HAIR COLOR: black as midnight (this is how i was writing in the above ^^ story like i introduced a character with the line: her skin was as white as snow)

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: short and i might go shorter because i want to big chop it

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: *laughs* what’s a crush

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: i’m pretty straight forward (sometimes insensitive i know bUT i can’t be everything pls) so i don’t really lie, when i put effort into something i really do do my absolute best, my work ethic (when im not a lazy bitch)

41. PIERCINGS: just the normal ear ring piercing but i want a double helix and an industrial 

42. BLOODTYPE: i really dont know?? not even my mom knows

43. NICKNAME(S): fish (dont ask), fetoes (dont ask), feth (dont ask)

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: IM SINGLE AND FREEE

45. ZODIAC: aquarius (i think im more superior to all the other signs and yes im correct aquarians are the best dont @ me)

46. PRONOUNS: she/her

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: SKAM SKAM SKAM SKAM IM CRYING WHY DID THAT SHOW HAVE TO END I LOWKEY HATE JULIA IM SAD I LOVE SKAM. also skins but i don’t like it as much as skam the only good character is tony and that’s because he’s wild af also effy buts she’s too edgy for me 

48. TATTOOS: i have like 3 planned for when i bounce outta my parents house

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: i have all my bones and organs in perfect condition thanks

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nope

52. SPORT: tennis

53. VACATION: The one time my parents drove us to Durban for a family holiday!! tHE BEST!! i love sharks and beaches. but most of the time we just came back to kenya because my entire family is here. we haven’t gone on a overseas vacation in a while because my parents wanted to show us the wonders of kenyan tourist attractions (masai mara is really awesome i really saw a lion full up and zebras are gorgeous in real life like them stripes and they are thicc af) 

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: nike 

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: haven’t eaten since i woke up probably won’t eat until noon

56. DRINKING: bitter lemon tea

57. I’M ABOUT TO: finish writing a fic i hope i can put up soon. let’s see if my lazy ass cooperates 

58. WAITING FOR: RESULTS CAMBRIDGE GIVE ME MY RESULTS

59. WANT: to rewatch skam so i can cry again 

60. GET MARRIED: actually no. i was with my new baby cousins the other day and i realized marriage and kids are just not for me

61. CAREER: i want to be a forensic psychologist but i might skip that and do something with international relations so i can work with the UN. 

 62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS (i have this need to constantly hug everyone i know all the damn time because my nursery teacher Jennifer - a truly wonderful woman i still love her to this day - used to hug me all the damn time and it was one of those tight squeezing hugs. by the all the damn time i mean 24/7)

63. LIPS OR EYES: eyes

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: taller (IM SHORT AND I LOVE BEING PICKED UP HHH)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: older. talking to people younger than me makes me feel like i have to be responsible example or some shit 

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: both tbh

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: loud people because i am quiet and reserved so yeah

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemakers i’m a true stick to the rules person so i need to be shaken up every once in a while

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: nope

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: nope

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: yes

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: noo

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: nope (may be idk sometimes i say shit i really shouldn’t)

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: depends

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nope

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: non

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: nope

(wow look @ my ass i really can’t)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: *starts laughing really loudly*

81. MIRACLES: i mean miracles? not really? 

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: attraction? yes. love? no

83. SANTA CLAUS: i figured out santa wasn’t real when i was four okay

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: yes

85. ANGELS: yes! not really angels but rather spirits but if fucking Michelangelo came down from the heavens and visited me i wouldn’t be surprised (i also believe in demons or evil spirits you can’t think one is real without acknowledging the other) (advice: don’t summon/provoke/fuck with spirits they DON’T CARE and they will HARM YOU) 

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): amy, awrad, maryan and wanjeri (i see you looking wanjeri as of now we’re best friends)

OTHER

87. EYECOLOR: my irises are the tone of deep dark mahogany, with swirls of coffee and chestnut dancing within the infinite sea of brown. flickers of gold catch the sunlight within their grasps and make my eyes glow like firelight orbs. (my eyes r fucking brown)

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: Perks of being a Wallflower (i cry every single damn fucking time) Easy A (best chick flick of this generation) Love, Rosie (this damn movie fucked me up i really didn’t expect that) 

[tumblunni]

HEYO! oh man now my friend helped me get all inspired again for working on my Cathedral Tower Defense game so WOO lets have another long post of miscellaneous ideasies for storyness! may not be very coherant tho cos i am super tired and ill! but happy!! THANKS SUMMON-DAZE FOR BEING MY ULTRA BESTIE

* Okay now I am super sure that I’m gonna let you choose the gender of the protagonist! And I wanna keep it so that their name is Amity either way, cos that’s kinda stuck in my mind. Surname Amity, player gets to decide the first name, but people will still be calling you Amity a lot at first cos you start off all awkward and formal with everybody. You’re a newcomer to this cathedral town and nobody knows whether to trust you, from their perspective you’re this dangerous person theyre forced to accept just because they need you to help protect them, whether you’re good or bad. They’re all worried what price they might have to pay for this, trying to figure out how to minimize the damage if you turn on them... and its not like they’re bad people for being untrustworthy, they’re just scared people huddling in a church and trying to keep their families safe at any cost. So try and prove your worth to them, and help them learn to protect themselves too, and make this ramshackle settlement into a real home! ....anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, gender selection is a good! And it could be relatively easy to impliment too, cos of the situation. Doesnt even necessarily have to be a menu or anything, it could just be like sir amity/lady amity/master amity. Cos you’re this paladin knighto, itd make sense for them to ask for your title. And it could just be like a shot of protagonist’s badass silhouette in the gateway of the cathedral and then you get the dialogue choice to pick your identity, and its all Super Cool~!

* It also actually gives me more of an idea of what i could do for their design, like I dunno maybe they have some sort of face-concealing helm or headdress or something. I was just thinking of them being dressed like a generic nun or princess but maybe emphasize more on the knight aspect instead of the holy part? So like anyway, maybe they have a very all-concealing outfit and that could be the framing of the first scene instead, its like *pulls off the mask and you’re into the character selection screen* Orrrrrr maybe there doesnt need to be any magical setup for a gender selection and it can just be a menu before the first scene starts XD Or maybe you have a cool face-concealing helmet thing anyway, like all three gender options just have a different one, lol

* More random magical names i got via the cool name generator site summon-daze linked to me! Dunno if I’ll actually use any of these but im writing them down here so i dont forget. Berebath, Betnia, Amurziz, Jetre, Miemahl, Semdach, Batxahl, Sidefarch, Botolohn, Vausach, Thammoch, Droibhal, Lekonach, Zeidhal, Tieloch, Rabrohm, Maesur, Smoiroch, Baelbuhr, Axoth, Jige, Chushou, Hukru, Nejeget, Roucu,  Jinah, Aujus, Yekoth, Nugresah, Israfel, Jabriel, Tabris, Douma

* Also I’m remembering Jade Cocoon and how I liked that the different ‘families’ of monsters shared naming traits. Like how all those weird snake/slug cutiepies that i loved best were nushab, rashab, etc etc. And tamatoch and somethingtoch and so on. I think there was at least one where the modifier was a prefix too? I dunno why i’m talking about this, but there you go. I just think if i wanna do full original made up names for demon species then i wanna make em stuff that just... feels like that. I dont actually wanna make like five different elements of each one tho, i wanna have only one per element and then they have like two different higher level finalized forms. Like, the human characters can have two job classes each and the demons can have two specializations within an element. That helps me think about how to limit it down to four or five elements, if we can combine common fantasy elements together! And yeah I was thinking it’d be cool if the demon ‘job classes’ could have their own evolving appearances and new names!

* Thoughts for the ol elemental groupings! The only one I really have finalized is grass + poison = same thing. Florin, why u always the character that gets developed faster than everyone else XD And I’m thinking giving them their own made up names would make it easier! Like how in SMT you have spells being stuff like ‘media’ and ‘agi’ instead of cure and fire. But here (hopefully) it’d be easier to memorize cos its just the element names that’re fantasy words, and the attacks themselves would be a little more self explanatory. i just think it’d work cos like... the idea i had of rock and fire being one single demon type, you could just call that magma. But i mean, what can you call plant + poison? Except.. like.. plant. Cos poison is reasonably often a grass type skill anyway. And i mean, game creators dont often worry about making sense, what with how ‘grass’ is the common element name when thats just one plant in a million. I cant stop thinking about that now I’ve noticed it! I legit thought grass was a synonym for plant when i was a kid, i learned to read from pokemon yellow... ANYWAY IM GETTING OFFTOPIC AGAIN The other idea I had for groupings was fire + non-elemental together? I was just thinking like... aura. Non elemental/physical attack as a ‘magic’ could be fighting spirit! And thematically speaking it tends to be shown as fire effects in anime, i guess XD But then i couldnt put fire with rock and that means I’d have to redesign malachi again. his design ended up looking more firey than rocky :P Another idea is maybe darkness + non-elemental together? like, interpret non-elemental as ‘void’. Or light and dark could be together actually, that could be an interesting way to do it, instead of having them opposing. Like maybe the elements could be colours! Grey element, able to specialize into white or black but neither is any sort of ‘good and evil’. And then the rest could be like green or like.. instead of red maybe fire could be bronze and thats why it has rock skills too? or man, maybe rock and metal could be one element and fire could be grouped with something else. And would water and ice be too ordinary and boring? do they already kinda count as one element? should I throw in something else? GAHHHHHHH

* Ideas for the multiple religious groups aligned with each element! I’m thinking I want one of them to interpret the setting’s absent god as two deities. like, every perspective on this deity is a wildly different character, this one is just even more so! they’d see malahat (tentative name) as two people, but kinda more like a shared soul that can manifest as either a male or female form. But there’d be ambiguity and debates in the mythos over whether this is actually a genderfluid god, or if its ‘twins who were cursed to never exist at the same time’, or various other variations on the story. I wanna make it like real life, where even within (for example) catholocism, there’s different sects and different translations of the same text. And where there’s predjudice against minority groups and people like to twist their faith to ‘justify’ it, even when parts of the original tale could easily justify treating those people with kindness too. So there’d be some followers of the twins religion who are very openminded to LGBTQ people, and historically anyone trans was able to hold a unique position as a priest, being treated as someone blessed by god. But like in norse mythology, this wasnt necessarily a sign that society was 100% okay with LGBTQ people. Its kinda depressing to read about how trans women and gay men were considered the only people able to become a specific kind of witches, but also how you kinda HAD to take this one safety net in society to stop people from making you an outcast. It was like ‘make them fear me so they dont fuckin kill me’. You had to become a medicine person and at least claim to believe in these magic powers, you had to be blessed by the gods to prove you were like.. one of the good ones. Otherwise its like youre saying the gods made a mistake when they made you, or youre choosing to be a deviant against nature. i can only imagine how terrifying it must have been if you believed in that religion and had to like.. be forced to go against it and leave society, or be forced to lie about being chosen by a god for a higher purpose, while believing that any moment you might get struck down for lying. And then I read in other history books about how the concept of homosexuality was far different in that old society too, how male-on-male sex was accepted at sea as long as you were the dominant one and you were forcing something unwanted onto a lesser shipmate as punishment. Like ugh, rape being more socially accepted than consensual LGBTQ relationships! I guess the only solace is that we can never be 100% sure how much of historians’s theories are correct and what might have changed in retellings of history, but honestly I can believe the past is this fucked up when the present is already fucked up in different ways. BUT ANYWAY I wanna explore those themes in my story maybe. And I wanna do more research into the subject to make sure I’m doing it justice, even though its a very sad subject that might be quite stressful. Maaaaan, I remember how I used to obsess about researching norse myth as a kid, it was one of my first Special Interests and I really wanted to see all the different reinterpretations of Loki and write my own fanfic/adaptation/vaguely inspired original story about What If He Stayed A Good Guy. Man I had soooo much sympathy for the poor sod. I mean it depends on the retelling whether he was always evil or whether he was like a comedic neutral ally to the gods who just abruptly becomes evil and gets killed off without remorse in the final story. And gahhh he’s like the biggest LGBTQ bastion in the whole mythos, and how can I not feel sympathetic?? When we get all these stories about him being a literal genderfluid shapeshifter and giving birth to half of his children and just like seriously its like The Story Of the One Trans Man In Homophobic Transphobic Valhalla and he was probably meant to seem Bad and Funny and whatever but im gonna sit here and grumpily cling onto the idea that he was deliberately written as trans, or that if these gods actually do exist out there somewhere then Loki would support me. *pout* I just have a lot of good memories of how this was like the first sign of me realizing my own gender, back when I first learned about Loki in school and then devoured every damn history book about the dude. And got in a million internet pissing matches about how innacurate the marvel version was XD Also it sucks that we like to believe that modern times are always 100% more enlightened in every way, yet its modern adaptations that always censor out the bits about him shifting gender identities and getting pregnant once. ... man this has gone offtopic too much, im really tired but seriously its funny how teenage bunni had NO CLUE they were nonbinary, no clue why they got so obsessed researching gender-defying mythological figures and historians who created gender neutral pronouns in the 1800s. i was so supernaturally oblivious, holy shit...

[blackphantomfan995-blog-blog]

Hey! You there? I am. Wondering about life? Yeah i know you are. Dont ask me how i know. Shit what to write? Every second, every minute a thousand of images and words goes thrue my head, my mind is a messed up place. It never shuts down! I always think about something, im always caunting something and it doesnt sound so bad. Right? That’s what you thought. It’s killing me thruth to be told. I written a lot of messed up stuff but never one of my stories. Why do people write books about themself? Maybe if they had a happy life it would make everything okay, or a sad life just to get attention? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe they just wanted to be heard in the world and they wanted there story to be told. They just wanted someone to listen to them. Or maybe im just full of shit. Hah.. maybe? Think about that, unseartinty of the world. Think hard! Nothing 100% true today. That’s all we have a bunch of maybe’s and a bunch of lies that everyone is feeding us. If you are easily triggered that know dont read this because head up : Shit’s gonna get dark! What to say, what to say? My legs are shaking. I dont know why. Maybe I am nervous, huh.. maybe again. I’m not a pearson that ussualy opens up or actually tells you his feelings. Truth is i would rather suffer to see someone else happy. I know, i know.. It’s wrong and yes i do know todays big loud sentence in the world is i wanna die. Well thanks for ruining that. Take a moment to realize your joke and than say it again and again. Funny? No? Do it again! Say it ten more times! Funny? Maybe? Again, again and again! What’s wrong my silent friend? I cant hear a laugh anymore. You still want to make that joke? Go ahead say it, scream it, shout it from the bottom of your laungs until you run out of breathe and than fucking answer me: Still fucking funny? If you mean what you say than I’m with you. I understand! I wanted, I dreamed about it and I prayed for it and yet here I am still thinking not doing. It’s a scary thought aint it? Did you think about that my friend? What happends after you do it? Do you go to heawen to live out you favorite moment of life over and over again not being able to realize that you’re dead? Do you go to hell where demons rape you and satan tortures you over and over and over again? Do you simply stay on the other side as ghost forever? Do you get reborn in the new body not being able to remember your past life, or does it simply go black? Questions.. so many of them. I think about a lot of stuff and not being able to do anything because i overthink is my biggest weakness. We’ll get to everything dont worrie. I will let you in on my complicated mind but first lets exploy this. Heawen? Hmm.. it sounds kind off nice too bad I’m not. If it is real than i wouldnt go but i guess you know me better or you will so its for you decide. My happiest memorie? Shit.. i cant. I took a minute away from keyboard to change a song and took a moment to realize what my favorite moment is. and truth to be told i cant remember. Do i not have one? No i have one! Why cant i remember? Thousand of things are going thrue my mind and there it is the most beautiful and peacefull moment i lived is when i was next to an amazing girl. We didnt have sex, we werent drunk, we didnt have a good time with jokes or by watching anything. She was simply sleeping. Her head was on my cheast as i stroked her hair. Her heart beat i could feel as it almost matched mine. Her soft and gentl breath could be heard in the dead silence of the room. The window in the corner of the room had stripes on it so moonlight entered my room in lines when rest was just dark. Her soft body was next to mine. So warm and soft. That is the moment i knew that it doesnt get better than that. It complete nirvana. I knew nothing mathered and for the first time in my life my brain didnt work. I was at peace. I didnt worrie about now, or tomorrow in that moment. Nothing and everything mattered and it was beautiful.  Huh.. sorry for a moment there i got emotional. Just kidding it’s gonna get way, way deeper than that. It’s just hard to think about that. I want to feel that again. I want my fucking brain to stop working for atleast one minute so I can relax. No real names will be spoken in this book for there sake and i got way than enough people that hate me alread. So where did we left off? Oh that’s right death.  Hell? That one has many stories but lets talk about the most common one what would happen. You wake up in hell and you’re alone. You would think there’s fire but no. There’s nothing. Everything black and than it begins the torture the pain. Think of all your pain and combine it with milion. You would bleed and every part of you would be ripped apart. The pain would be endless and you would die over and over and over again and just kept coming back with no scars with nothing and it would go all over again. Huh.. that one sounds like a bitch, right? I wouldnt want that would you my friend? Stupid question afcorse you wouldnt there is no scenario in the world where anyone would want or think about that. Haha jokes on me i did. I’m sitting in the dark with my hoodie on combined with music not even normal music some wierd shit and writing about it. There’s a guy next to me playing a game. What would he think of me if he reads this? Would he see me as broken or damaged or simply would he share pitty? What do you think my friend? Please dont hate me! I just want to be honest with you much as i can and let you know me. Dont be scared. He left! The guy that was sitting next to me so now i can tottaly commit to you and we will have complete privacy. Staying on other side is a hard thing. Maybe worse than hell itself. Imagine the pearson you love the most in the world. Did you? Good. Now imagine being next to her without being able to touch her, without being able to touch anything. You can scream all you want but nobody would hear you. Would you like it that way? Let’s get deeper in to this. Imagine you’re tied to the one you love as a ghost. Does it sound bad? Yes! Imagine if you love a boy or a girl. She/He is your everything. You will see them in pain after your loss if you’re lucky enough for them to be in pain for you. It will destroy you watching that pearson suffer. What would happen after that? That pearson will get over you sooner or later while you are still tied to him/her and you will be forced to watch that pearson fall in love with someone else. Someone else will take your place, someone else will love them and fuck them when you will be forgoten. What would you do then my friend? Kill yourself? You cant, you’re already dead. You’ll cry, you’ll be in pain, you’ll be trully alone and in the end you would lose your mind over and over and over again.  It just fucked my head. What would you do in that place? The best scenario i can think of is that the girl i love would be alone but i wouldnt be happy even than. I couldn watch her be alone and sad like me. If she does have and you do wait for her on the other side you can probobly realise that she would wait for her last love and i would be forgoten. It doesnt work good in any scenerio. I would get old and i will be alone. Much as i love being alone, all by myself. It would be bad. Fuck.. i need to stop thinking. I lighted a ciggarete just to calm my nervs even if it doesnt so many people say it does because they bealive it’s that easy but im not weak minded. My mind doesnt stop. Do you smoke? Join me for a smoke.  There is alternative that you wouldnt remember anything or that you wouldnt remember anything. You would be reborn in a new life and be someone else. They are cases when people say they remember there past life. Moles and birth marks you have are a scar that’s been past down to your new bodie as a mark of how you died in past life. Do you bealive that? I think it’s interesting but people remembering there past life i think that is just pack of shit. I could say its 100% true or false cause’ we cant possibly know.  Well what do you think now? The death doesnt sound fun. It’s a thing to be scared of! I want it and im guessing a lot of other people but that is what life is. Life.. Fuck life! It is perfectly designed mistake made just for amusment for higher power to laugh at us. Did you ever heard a saying if you wanna make god laugh just tell him your plans. Hah.. it kind of makes sence. I read a joke the other day it was funny for me.So here it is : A guy is sitting in the office in a interview for a job. There’s two more of them. A woman and a man. They all wearing suit’s so it look’s serious. So a woman asks: Do you have any special talents? He reaplyes: I cant die! A man and a woman excanged lookes and asked: How cant you die? He said: Because dreams dont come true!  Hahaha cracks me up every time. How about you friend? Did you laugh? I hope you did. The jokes. They are all i have! I have nothing. It’s lonely from where i sit. You wouldnt bealive me how lonely it is. I thought of getting a dog. It’s not something special but its something. Made me miss Rocky. I know its a shitty name i didnt choose it. The only animal i loved. I should explain. When i was 4 or 5 i cant really remember the year but i had a dog. He wasnt a special breed or somehow special in any way but he was to me. Groving up i didnt have friends. Not because they didnt want to hang with me it’s because i didnt want to hang out with them. It’s okay you’re safe with me. If you are reading this than you are probably wierd as me and it’s okay. It’s okay to be wierd! My sister didnt want ever to play with me neither my parents. They were to busy fighting. My grandma well just sat there and ignored the hole situation. Many times i would hide and of all fighting i would just abserve her how could she remain so calm. I kind of felt it all even back than. I didnt realise what was going on but fuck there was scenes i cant forget. What is your first memory my friend? Your dad teaching you how to ride a bike? You mom teaching you how to cock, some family member loving you in any way? Mine was my dad holding my moms neck as she scratched him took a knife and chased him thrue the house. She ran right past me and didnt care. I ran out of the house and went to the backyard and climbed my favorite tree. I cryed normaly since i was just a kid. I remember saying to myself “mom and dad dont love me” I cryed so much i began to shake and i fell from tree. It wasnt high but for a kid it was. It was atleast four feet high and i fell. I lost concesnes for two hours i think. I think that was what trigerred my sleep paralysis. Because i just lied there and kept thinking to myself my parents will show up, they will show up. I began talking to myself just to calm myself down. I know it’s insane to talk to yourself and yet i do it. It’s the only thing that keeps me sain witch isnt working that much for a long time my friend. Since that day i suffered from sleep paralysis until july this year when it just stoped but more on that later. I waited until i could move i stud up dusted myself off and went in to my house. I climbed the stairs and saw my mom, dad, grandma and sister drinking coffee like everything is okay. Like nothing happend. I froze. I stud there and i looked at them as the did at me. My mom said where have i been and why is my knee bleeding. I lovered my head and saw my knee and simply walked away. I was hoping for attention so i walked slow as i heard my sister say what a retard and my parents laughing at that. So yeah my friend i wasnt a friendly pearson neither i wanted friends. Same goes until this day. My only friend was my dog. I played with him and he never brought the ball i threw him neither did he obey me. He didnt hafty. I was a kid. I would simply sit on the ground and pet him. It was beautifull. I even builded him a wooden house. He had one but it was old so i decided to fix it up. I didnt know how to use nails, hammer or any tool for that matter but i gave it a try. I spent few hours on that rotten, little house. The only break i took was to go in the house and eat. It was almost night and i nedeed to go inside the house. So i finished it finnaly placed in the corner in the back-yard and admired what i’ve done. Rocky went inside and liyed on the floor. My heart was filled with joy and i run inside to show my parents. They didnt care, they said if anything i made it worse. Looking back it wasnt good i admit it. I didnt fix it. But that wasnt a thing to say to a kid. My joy went away in a second as i got ready for the bed. The next day i would wake up early in the morning when everyone was sleeping to help my grandma with launch and shoping. I loved to help around the house. She sent me to the store so i went. Rocky never left the yard. I went and saw him from distance. It was a huge dog you cannot miss him. As i ran twords him he ran twords me and then it happend. A car ran over him. I could have screamd or cryed but i didnt. It was shock without me knowing even what shock is. I continued walking to the store looking back at him and i began to be scared. I didnt even go near him as i returned home. I walked in my house, placed  groceries on the table and told my grandma: “The car ran over ..” and than i broke i started crying. My grandma buried him and i was sad for days. I would sit alone in back-yard thrue entire day not doing anything or saying anything. It was quiet mostly but i did talk to myself a bit. That is the first time my parents were trully worried about me and tryed to talk to me. They even forced my sister to play with me but nothing changed until few days later a neiborhood dog chased thrue the street on my way to the store and bit me by hand as i fell. Somehow i forgot for a time there. I forgot about Rocky and my life went going. When i watched frankeweene for the first time I cryed so much. I think that is the first time i remembered him. I didnt leave my room or play with someone else until i was seven. Life’s weird. I know! Fuck.. I cant, i want to but i’m trying to share much as i can. It’s hard. Do you know? Are you deranged like me my friend? Shit.. lets keep going. In those two years nothing special happened. My parents got divorced i cryed, my sister kissed my moms ass and they spent all of there time together and my grandma got sick. I kind of felt it all and started growing up in another direction. I didnt like to talk to people, i didnt like to be touched by anyone, i liked my stuff organized and i would go crazy if any of my top three rules broke. My mom forced me when i was seven out of the house to make friends. I went outside and i was afraid. I didnt know anyone. On the way thrue the street i looked myself in the car and saw my reflection. Looking back i was a nobody between those kids and i regret going out to this day. I was just some lame kid with his favorite spider t-shirt and half long black hair that i kept pushed back. You dont fit in anywhere neither do I. People are feed with the bullshit and they keep saying look at me im awkward, look at me i wanna die. But are you? Are you trully crazy like me? What’s wrong with society people ask. You did it! Not you friend maybe, maybe you did I wouldnt know but what i do know is that the world is sick. There is so much filth in this world. People steal. Everybody steals. You cant say you dont cause sort of you do. In every position someone is getting more or less. Someone is stealing and someone is loosing. It’s a selfish circle. Look at what happend to the world! What do you see my friend when you walk, what do you see outside? Do you see beauty or reality? I see the world for what it is and most of people dont know me i and judge me crazy just for that. I know the world has gone to shit. Today’s corparate media (facebook, youtube, twitter, instagram, snapchat, viber, what’s up, my space, messenger, google, yahoo, apple and many more) They are sickness in the world. They’re not the only one! Do you know who Steve Jobs is? I do! Steve Jobs is a man that got ritch from child support. Underage kids worked there ass off for him to get ritch. What do you think he runned? Apple! Iphones today you’re using its all him, Think next time you take your iphone that some kid was forced to work and make it. You dont care? Ohh i know you do but not enough to speak out and throw it away. Am i right? You wouldn’t cause’ fuck kids right? I am discasted by this world. Look at hollywood. Everybody knows and loves hollywood and yet it infested with child pornagrafy and sexuall abuse. Many actors came out and said that they were abused. Many writers and directors were the one who abused kids and yet they went to prison for a little bit. Not even all of them just some of them and than they returned to hollywood. Knowing that a guy raped a tweelwe year old girl went to jail, came out and is now directing a movie who main theme is that a girl is raped when she’s tweelwe. It just fuck’s my head. I know i shouldn’t care. But i do. I care! I can go on for days on what is wrong with society but truth is you already know that. Long as you have money you dont give a shit. Nobody does. Todays biggest problams are attention, dating, social media, money.. There’s no love or respect. There’s no hope anymore. The human species might as well soon be priced out of exsistence since the world is fucked. People dont care about anything but themselfes. Sometimes i try it. I really tryed but i cant that’s not who i am. Soon nothing will matter cause we’ll all be too dead to care. So you ask me what is wrong with society? Fuck society! I thought of getting a shrink many times. But comeone let’s be realistic. He doesn’t know what goes around in my head. Nobody does! I can write to you my friend all day long and yet you couldnt help. Truth is by the end of this you’ll see me as a broken man and you’ll keep your distance like everybody else. That’s the main reason i push so many people away. I can put a fake smiley that nobody never knew it was fake. When i was dying and screaming inside nobody knew i never let them. That scares me to be honest. I’m sorry but i am. We are friends right? Hah… i sound like an emo to you dont I? People living in the ignorence of the world having everything and saying they know what pain is are retards. I’m not discureging disabled people but I’m stating the fact that that thought for you to have it you need to be a retard. My skin is bothering me right now. I hate it. I hate everything. What do you say to this my friend? What do you say to someone like me? Have you ever been lonely? I have. The feeling doesnt go away. I mean it does but that pain, that feeling sticks with you. It is something you cant forget like smoking a first joint, poping a first pill or getting drunk the first time.  Shit. im over doing it aint i? Can you see me? Can you hear me? The lonelyness goes oway but it always comes back. For a moment you get a fix of your drug, an escape from reality and it comes right back. It hits you like a bullet. You dont know what happened but you feel it. Every time its more painfull. It gets deeper every time and it digs and digs it’s way to you brain until you get so stressed out you cant speak or breathe. You type words like i do without taking a breathe. It’s hopeless. You cant stop it. Your entire body starts cramping up and you start to shake. There’s a whole world around you and yet you’re in the corner. It’s dark. Nobody’s around even though they are it’s like they’re gone. Nobody’s around you’re all alone. You slowely take a deep breathe, realize you’re a goner and it the ice cold wind hits you as you start to shake and feel it in your bones. The pain is real. You blame everybody around, everyone you know, you blame your mother for giving birth to you, you curse god for creating pain or let along creating you, you go thrue every possible option but in the end you only have yourself to blame. You blame yourself. You ask yourself as tears fall while your entire body is shaking: What have i done wrong? Why did i deserve this? You want the feeling to go away and your mind is clowded so you first resort is cut it out. You take a razor put it on your hand. It’s on your arm. Pressed sharp on it waiting to cut you open but your mind is somewhere else. You want it and you dont. You figure why the hell not? Is there anybody who cares? There’s a thousand of things going thrue your head. Reasons why you shouldnt do it and reasons why you should. Everything and nothing is there or isnt as it opens your vein slowely. It hurts so you make a small sound as a razor cuts you open. You look at it and the blood slowely starts to apear and drip from your arm. You do it again, and again, and again and you just watch it. Watch blood drip oway. Watch life fade oway. Something wrong my friend? I know it’s bad. Everybody knows! But there is something so peacfull about it. The pain gets put out. The feeling of lonelyness goes oway. It’s like taking a strong drug and recovering from it. It’s like your system is adjusting to normal again as you watch it bleed. Tears have stoped and you hear a voice. You look around and realize this is in you head. Shit. This was all in my head. What the hell is happening to me? It takes few of these until you trully do it. It’s just a matter of time before anybody snap’s and my was when i was eleven years old. I hope havent lost you my friend. I kind of feel better talking about this to you. Actually no i dont. Anxiety is killing me right now. There is to many people around me it makes me wanna stand up scream shut the fuck up. Lucky me to have you to talk to so i can take my mind off things. Looking at it it’s wrong i know it is. Worse of all it’s like being addicted and i dont mean that you want to cut yourself but for pain to go away next time you need to cut more of yourself, you need to cut deeper, and deeper, and deeper until you’re a goner. So where did i stop? What story should i say to you? Please dont let me be gone.. please, please, please, please... I’m crying as i write this. Truth is i have so much pain and i just wanna die. There is the biggest truth about me. Fuck life, fuck family, fuck everything and everyone. Every one of you can suck it. Do you want the truth? You got it.. But that is not how life works. I live for pain. I want happines maybe, i wanna feel normal but im not. I know what is like to be different. I’m very different. I’ve been telling myself for a long time now, for at least 10 years now dont worrie about life. It can maybe fuck you hard and leave you deppresed but you’re not going to live long to care. Year after year getting thrue life drunk and high thinking im gonna do it. I swear im gonna do it. But here i am. Left alone to bleed out my tears and pain and it still has a hold on me. Oh god how i wish it was different. Did you ever fantisize about what would it be to have a normal life? What would it mean? I did! Somehow i know no matter what i do, or what would happen i would end up the same deppresed, broken high and lonely boy i am. Fuck.. shit’s getting blurry around me. Somehow i think this book shouldnt be read while you’re high. Shit’s insane and it can fuck you up. Take a pill. Join me. Slowely turn up Lil Peep and sink in your bed, light a ciggarete and join me in my hell. That reminds me of a winter when i was sixteen. I was alone. I was living alone as well. I had no money. I didnt eat for two days and outside was ice cold. I returned home from a dessprate attempt to steal some food but i didnt do it. I walked in to my old house where i lived. It had no eletricity or water. It was chilling cold. I was so alone. I had nobody. I liyed on my bed covered myself with what i had and froze for hours. To make a situation even worse i took some pills thinking fuck it would be good. I wont feel shit i’ll just fall asleep. But i didnt! I was awake for hours..thinking, and thinking, and thinking. What do i have to live for? I’ve hit rock bottom so many times that it doesnt suprise me anymore. I just wait for it knowing it’s coming. I mean that moment was something i cant put in the words. That is the first time i cryed for hours. I cutted my entire arm and didnt even feel it. It was the first time it didnt help no matter how deep i got. You know it’s bad when it’s to cold to even take your pant’s off so you cut your legs thrue them while crying/screaming.  When you read this dont think im telling you to do drugs. I dont! But for a fucked up life you need drugs. People who didnt try dont understand what it’s like. My life without drugs would be a complete wreck at least with drugs i had some good moment’s. It was fun at least sometimes. I remember my first joint. My ex friend and i smoked it in my yard. I tripped out i was a vampire haha.. can you bealive it? I was fourteen and i was way in too Vampire Diaries. I builded at least a hundred stakes and started making weapons like they did in Supernatural my favorite show by the way. So many good memories with people i want to die now but still those memories are something that is still a part of who i am. I didnt have anyone to tell me that’s good or bad. I didnt have anyone to teach me some things like shave or even to have a awkward converastion about sex. I wanted that. I know it’s stupid but im a sucker for all those things and i know it’s too late now anyways. What do you think? Dont call me a crybaby. Shit happend’s and people break. Soul is supouse to be the strongest part of oneself. I’m not you know selfish and shit. There are people who dont have shoes to put on there legs let along eat, there are starving children and im complaining on and on. It doesnt mean you’re depressed just because you dont have something, for that matter you can have a lot of things and be depressed. When I was thirteen my mom was at good financial state and i had basic shit and i was depressed. I’m not saying money doesnt mean anything. It does! Money is everything! I guess you can sink it in simply buy saying to everything “look at the bright side. You’re going to die and nothing’s going to matter anyways. Sorry friend. I went over board. This is about my memories i guess. It’s a shit storm same as it’s writter. What can i even say? Everyone was mean to me so imma going to die young. Yes! That’s gonna happen sooner than you think. When you think of family what is the first thing you think of? Love? Happines? Well in my case it’s different. When i try to remember i remember a scared boy. Scared of everything trying to hide from anyone. Home is a safe space for most. For me it was hell! Endless beating and torture. Did you ever feel so alone and realised that you completly alone? I have. I hate when i cant hold in my loneliness. I remember a night after a long time i wasnt depressed. I was maybe eleven and i was sitting on the window in my sister’s room. My sister was a messy pearson and nobody went in to her room because it’s filled with trash. I mostly went there so i can spend my time sitting on window listening to music, smoking and thinking about a girl. Her name was Sara. That is my favorite girl name. Hah.. it was in those moments friends. I stare at her house imagening that she will come out and that we will start some life together or atleast be together. You thought i was crazy? I did this for months. Each day i would repeat the story and add a new detail. Did you figure it out yet? It never got boring for me not even for a second. It was my way for a time coping with depression and to honest it made me happy. Story went perfect and it went like this. She was a blonde. I in my goth fase would be sitting on my window smoking while Garbage or The Cure would be playing in background. My black hoodie would be on me and she would notice me. It would be difficult not to. You could actually feel the spark between us the first time are eyes met. She had green ones. It gives me the chills just remembering it. She was moving in the house next to mine. The boxes and stuff were going in from all the trucks while the two of us would just look in each other eyes. It didnt have a meaning it was just that not some special love or meaning. But when i looked at her nothing mattered. It was complete peace and she took the big bootle of glue and glued together my heart and soul. Ahh it gives me the chills just to remember it. What did you think? No! It wasn’t sex it was just that. My undying love for Sara as she made me feel hole. That being said i can return to the part of me just sitting there on the window remaking the story in my head as my mother came in and pushed me off the second floor. To this day i have back problems because of it.  My mom was a spoiled kid and she always expect perfection and that everyone brings everything to her feet and treat her like a queen. I wasnt the best son. I wasnt even half way later but it was too late than for mothers attention when ruined me. Not alone afcorse there is a lot of people who fucked with me and made my life living hell.