littlemissy98

[littlemissy98]

Everyday I am pained with the existence of loss and love and I would rather be figuring all this out with the love of my life… but reality is the “love of my life” is a nightmare who doesn’t care about me or the repercussions of his actions. The love of my life only cares about how I make him feel. He only cares about how I loved him. He only cares about how I made him believe he was lovable and a good person. That he was more than his sins. The love of my life is not the love of my life at all and was just someone who drained all my time energy and love and painted me the villain. At the same time this person has gone through a lot has horrible role models and has been through so much trauma. So I kind of don’t blame them. I only wish the best for them. And I wish that I was the best for them and Vice versa

[littlemissy98]

Part of me wants to be sad with you too. I hate this but I have to be strong. We are both better off without each other

[littlemissy98]

I love you I love you I love you

[littlemissy98]

I just want to text you I love you I hope you have a good night. Not sleeping next to you or the gatos hurts so much. I wish there was a world in which we exist. But I guess that will never happen. I’m sorry for how I acted. You can’t have your way all the time and you hate it

[littlemissy98]

Whoever found my phone is blessed from this life to the next

[littlemissy98]

In the same. I feel used and I feel like that person thought I was gullible, even though I knew every single time they lied. But I know they were taught they have to use and lie to survive as I once did. I really hope the love I felt was reciprocated.

[littlemissy98]

It sucks so bad to be in love with someone who hasn’t gotten to experience real love. Not even from family. But they really did put everything they had into loving you. Someone who struggles with addiction. It sucks that they’re still out there in this world, and I have to just hope that they’re doing okay. It sucks knowing I was enabling them, and not allowing them to be their best selves. I continue to wish them the best every single day. I hope they make it out of their hell they’re in. I will always love them and they will always have a piece of me. I really hope they make the most of losing us, and become the best versions of themselves.

[littlemissy98]

sea slugs. I stacked them sorry

[littlemissy98]

I loved how you held me. I love how you could read my mind. I love how connected we were. I loved that even though our space was hectic, when things were good I felt so safe with you. Our souls would collide. We’ve known each other for awhile. In other life times I believe we’ve stayed in each others lives longer. I love your eyes. I love your touch. I love how in sex I didn’t really have to be on top. I love how you made me feel like I’m the only woman to exist. I love how you made it appoint to let me know how you felt about me in every passing moment. I know you were fighting demons and past traumas and still learning about yourself. I just cant allow myself to be collateral. You are absolutely such a funny guy. You love to see people smile. Any chance you get you would help anyone. You would give the shirt off your back, truly. You’re so creative. I loved the stories and scenarios you would come up with. I loved your different perspective sometimes. I loved how dramatic and dark you are. I love the emotion. I see the kid in you. You allowed the kid in me to exist. Thank you so much. I’ll miss staring into your eyes. Thank you for making me feel so beautiful, like a princess. You did so much and it was enough, it just didn’t outweigh how bad our situations were. You were always so encouraging and uplifting. You are so full of love when the world has shown you a lot of hate. I think if you met me when I was a teen we would have ran away together for sure. I love you. And I will never forget you, it’s going to be hard to. It’s life shattering not to have you here. I wish you all that life has to offer. I want you to find peace, love, happiness, beauty (in the world), self love, I wish you success, financial abundance, all that you want. The world is yours. May you forever be protected and carry my love around with you 💗 thank you for your love energy and all the warm memories. You have so much to give, I really hope you pour that into you. ✨

[littlemissy98]

Here I am writing all the reasons trying to convince myself that we aren’t meant to be. I mean I know we arent. I wish differently. You are a liar. You struggle with drinking when hurt, sad, triggered, etc. made me feel uncomfortable sexually multiple times. Although I do see your reasonings, I won’t forget you’re a man at the end of the day. I do see your human and a lot of femininity within you… but this isn’t about that. You will say what you need to say to prove your point. Hurt people hurt people. Not to mention I just can’t trust you period. You took your insecurities out on me. Who’s to say you’re so insecure you’ll take any attention you’ll get? Not that I saw you that way. What we had seemed real. Toxicity doesn’t equal passion. Looking up “alt goth” bitches only fans on Reddit. Showing me someone butthole you thought was mine but it was not mine, don’t own the outfit and my butthole doesn’t look like that. Dated for 7 months and only went out in public on a date twice and it was out to eat. Never went inside your house. You delete your messages immediately. You don’t have a car. You don’t have a job. You lived in my apartment rent free. This time around you did pull your weight. You get in trouble with the law all the time. DUI, possible jail. I can’t trust you to behave in the real world. Isolated from all my friends and family because you require so much time, attention, and energy. Tried to kill yourself 3 times in front of me, self harmed so many times in front of me. Pushed me. Told me I made you feel alone, “threw away” all my alcohol I had for bartending, stolen pills from me twice and lied about it. You’ll lie if you feel like you have a good excuse but I lie and I am despicable. I can’t trust you around my dog. Not good with animals. Detached when it comes to pets. Damaged my belongings. Pans, glass, pots, cabinet drawer. Only stays home and plays video games. Substance abuse. Smoker. Eats and drinks horribly. Doesn’t have good taste in food. Hated that I was nice and social. Hates me being a stripper. Hates me being exactly who I am, the amount of people I’ve slept w. Didn’t like how I dressed. (Bc insecure). Doesn’t know how to be an adult. Which is okay you’re figuring it out, but I’m not there anymore.

[littlemissy98]

from "Our Heartbeats synchronize"

[littlemissy98]

Up in the blue

Gray becomes the hue

Raining thinking of you

[littlemissy98]

Everyday i think of you wishing none of this was true

[littlemissy98]

Why would you do this to us. Do you really hate yourself that much? Are you truly evil? There are demons you face that I will never know, I tried to understand you the best I could. I tried to be there the best I could. Why did you have to fuck up so bad. I feel like I can’t be sad about losing you because you took so much from me. I was a prisoner in my own home. Guess I had Stockholm syndrome. It’s like how fucked up am I? I think I’ve come to terms that I’m fucking heartbroken. I know I did my best. I know that I am enough. I deserved more. It’s just so weird because we connected so deep. You hurt me so much. I know I wasn’t perfect but fuck. It’s insane I was willing to accept so much of you, and you couldn’t accept you just didn’t like me. You wanted to control me. I think it’s bc of your insecurities, bc you feel like you have to do that to keep someone around. I would’ve and I did love you anyways. I tried so hard. You admittedly said “I’m sorry for taking advantage of you” I’m so fucking angry at you for traumatizing me, for disrespecting me, for lying to me, for stealing from me, for assaulting me, making me uncomfortable, being controlling. You ended up being the biggest bullshitter. I wonder if you even believe what you say. This sucks

[littlemissy98]

I was yours for free

[littlemissy98]

Incapable of intimacy

[littlemissy98]

I am so overwhelmed I don’t want to have excuses as to why I can’t be an adult. I want to just be able to do it. Everything is becoming so hard to do. It’s like why can’t I just be normal. I hate this woes me feeling too, (I know it’s healthy to validate your feelings but this is exhausting) it’s so annoying having to explain why I can’t be a normal friend, daughter, grand daughter, etc. Much work to do.