#we have very kind and generous regulars who have been giving us gifts

[sluttyten]

This is definitely Christmas week at work omg

[3gremlins]

feel like im having a DA2 experience again where I really liked it and was in my little "this is good" cocoon where i played it many times only to emerge from underground and find everyone else hated it (i mean ive found the other da2 cicadas since but at the time it got really slammed). i've been really enjoying DA:TV so far ( lol tho obvs have notes) here's an early thoughts review, may be a bit spoilery, def rambley, trying to stay vague on stuff still (i think i'm about half way maybe? im trying to not look things up and doing it blind on my first run through. it's hard to tell b/c i went hard on all the side quests and am now way over level for the msq)

the combat system is a little jarring at first and i still miss at least being able to switch to and play as party members if your character dies (instead of the god of war style of full wipe), but i've gotten used to it (it's more annoying for boss fights, regular combat it's very zippy and fun). the targeting at least on controller is kind of annoying sometimes- i'll think i'm pointing at one enemy only to have rook turn and fire at nothing or companions to hit an add instead of a boss. I wish we at least had more control over how it queued who it was hitting. some of the arenas are obnoxious design wise - there's bosses that teleport to you and they give you like a tiny little box to dodge around, not the most fun. i do like that you can punch way above of your weight class sometimes which reminds me of DAO a little bit (like how you'd just wander into a fight or hit a gong and be like oh no, those enemies have skulls over their heads, oh well YOLO). sometimes it doesn't work out but when it does it's very satisfying. It's nice to be able to conquer something mechanically even underleveled (smol fromsoft vibes) Having always been a big fan of the strange composition parties (i.e not just war/rogue/mage), i like that this is now even more viable (and not just me being cheeky "we're having a leather party!" of all squishy rogues). but like the main thing about bioware games is the companions/interpersonal shit and i'm enjoying the heck out of that .i only do main quests to get more side quests from companions (or more side quests in general so we can troll around for more banter). i like petting griffons (and cats and dogs) and playing games with manfred*. I wish the gift system was more interesting like DAO or DA2- i was so excited to see it again and then it was a little disappointing to have them barely react when you get them stuff.

my current fave party are rook and the poison boys (emmerich and lucanis) since they're a rogue too and we just stack necrosis, bleeds and other elemental effects on things till they disintegrate. i like the lighthouse, it feels much cozier than skyhold. I love that you can just wander up to companions having convos and awkwardly eavesdrop. I do miss the little interactions/quests you could get with cole esp*** i think the animations are a little lack lustery? Idk there's something with the face model morphs that sometimes feels weird but the voice acting is strong enough that I don't notice too much. i do miss some of the more bioware-y cheeky things like item descriptions or weird notes near random silly environmental tableaus (there's a little but i just want to read all the notes! there's some in the grey warden areas where i was just like WAIT I HAVE QUESTIONS but there was no plaque about them T.T). where are the stacks of cheese (i do appreciate the fereldens love cheese jokes tho and harding getting so excited when someone says something nice about ferelden) i was esp bummed that there were no random things to read in the black emporium and it's all codex entries instead (that's my favorite tiny bit in DA2 where there's junk you can click on and xenon says weird shit to you). i also wish more had been done with accents of npcs- like i wish all the antivans had similar accents or your crow rook had an antivan accent, stuff like that (having a lot of "ferelden" generic british accents everywhere is disappointing. takes you out of the immersion a lot) My biggest gripe is probably the pacing - I wish it had more horror/mystery pacing like dao and da2 had- the reason we're all scarred by the brood mother is b/c the build up to that was so so creepy (also the necromancer bit w/hawke's mum in DA2). They gave us time to be unnerved or afraid and I do feel the evanuris reveals have been a little rushed so you can't really feel that worried about them (some of the side quests get close to this but still not quite there**). I wish they'd let them breathe a bit more instead of rushing from one giant world changing event to the next. Some of the reveals have been not so great- like lore that the fandom has poured over for 15ish years explained in one line?? i wish there'd been more build up of rook as a character too, maybe even a time skip from a prologue to finding solas kind of thing. the first trailer made it seem like that's what was going to happen but then it in media res'd us in a strange way. the first 10 hours of the game are probably the weakest imho, it took it a bit to get rolling and feel more natural. I appreciate that the first major decision doesn't really let you scum save for it (bit of a jump scare for me lol).

I also don't really need this much varric anymore, i kinda wish we had a different narrator if we have to have one. He feels really awkward to just have there and not doing anything(and not just kill off or have something happen to him? he got stabbed by the dagger and harding only touched it is what i'm saying). at least let him get better pjs and slippers or something Idk it does feel like bits of previous iterations they were working on are still there and they don't completely serve the plot well. And ofc there's the decisions not meaningfully carrying over thing- which is a huge bummer. But in reality they've never been good at that- the characters from previous games we see in new games don't really carry through their plots/arcs that much (it's more like cameos or they're a new person now) and the world states are usually effectively the same just with aesthetic faction swaps. I was sort of hoping we'd get some solavellan SOMETHING but it doesn't look like we will get much at all past the stuff in minrathous. i feel like if they were going to only include the one choice it really should have had more impact on the story. (i am also still a clown and want to talk to solas constantly still even tho he has no reason to talk to my rook at all, i do not care, i love a sad woof. i wish we could just casually visit him in the fade. i wish we could switch to lavellan and visit him in the fade, idk something. need more gareth david-lloyd pls) the interpersonal character decisions have been the only ones that mattered much and then only within the constrains of their own games- the bigger world changing stuff is usually the illusion of choice. It would have been nice if they let us have one protagonist carry through but i can also see why they liked changing it up and felt stuck in that format. tl;dr: i'm really like it for what it is but it's def got flaws. Parts of it feel super polished while other bits do not- i think knowing how game dev works that they had to make decisions on what was going to get prioritized and some of it works while others not so much. I wish the pacing was better for sure but i love the characters/companions which is generally what bioware is best at. sad it won't get meaningful dlc, i don't really care about mass effect 5 tbqh. So far I like it better than inquisition for the most part- it feels like a bigger/more polished DA2 in a lot of ways if that makes any sense (with similar budget/pacing issues, but the environments are more fun). as i mentioned in my other post, i really appreciated the trans/non binary inclusion into the story/cc tho. like that can't be discounted, even if the rest of the game has issues. (all the holes in the narrative make me want to do fan art and fan fiction tho so idk, maybe that's an okay thing. maybe dragon age is best at inspiring us to sandbox around in it)

*side note, i am surprised at how much i like emmerich like holy shit what a lovely soft nerd of a man! going to have to play through a few times and romance him and also bellara for sure (romancing lucanis this time round) i find myself shipping my companions with each other more than i normally do too. I just want them to be happy! I wish they'd let us have polyamory, like i could see little polycules in this squad so easily. i need to give bellara hugs and lucanis head pats. taash deserves head pats too, but my rook will need a ladder.

**i am going to cry if they do with the griffons what i think they're doing with the griffons. like straight up, feeling like it was a cursed wish to have them now T.T *** do we think the caretaker is cole? the character design makes me wonder (like the hat/silhouette is very cole like but maybe not. maybe i just want it to be cole lol) there's def characters i want to see show up that aren't going to and then bioware is like "what about this fan favorite??" and i'm like "eh".

[matttgirlies]

Matt & Me🎀

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a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - mentions of drug use

y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷

Chapter 11

Matt Sturniolo created his own world; only in his own environment did he feel secure, comfortable, and protected. A genuine camaraderie was created at Graceland. We lived as one big family, eating, talking, arguing, joking, playing, and traveling together.

Although I became friends with the guys in Matt’s retinue, he never let me, or anyone else, forget that I was his girl. I was never to get too close or become too familiar with any of the regulars.

One evening, after we came home from a movie, we said good night to everyone and went upstairs. Returning to the kitchen a few minutes later to get something to eat, I found Jerry Schilling, who’d just started working for Matt, making himself a snack. We started talking. A few minutes later, Matt appeared.

“What the hell are you two doing down here?” he shouted at us.

Intimidated, Jerry said, “Well, Matt, we were just talking. I was asking her how she felt, because she didn’t feel well this afternoon.”

“I came down to get something to eat,” I explained.

“y/nn, you don’t need to be roaming around here late at night,” he said, angrily ordering me upstairs.

Behind me, I could hear him lashing out at Jerry. “If you want to keep this job, son, you mind your own business. If there’s anyone who’s going to ask her how she feels, it’ll be me. You better mind your own goddamn business.”

I liked Jerry. He was warm, sincere, and very personable; just a couple of years older than I, he was one of the few people who I could relate to. But from that time on, it was a dodging match every time we’d run into each other. Now Jerry and I laugh about the “good old days” when we reminisce.

Most of the boys who worked for Matt had been around from the beginning and they knew all about him—his sense of humor, his sensitivity, and his temper. He stripped himself bare in front of them, and they accepted him for what he was.

Yet working for Matt was a twenty-four-hour-a-day job, and the boys were at his beck and call constantly. They played when he played and slept when he slept. It took a certain kind of personality to put up with his demands, whether they made sense or not.

“Come on, y/nn, let’s go to Los Angeles. I’ll show you where I film movies.,” he said one afternoon when we’d only been up for a few hours. He called downstairs and told Alan to alert everyone that he wanted to leave within the hour.

Alan said, “Okay, Boss. I think Richard and Gene are still sleeping. I’ll give ’em a call and tell ’em to come right over.”

“Their lazy asses are still sleeping?” Matt asked. “I’ve been up for two goddamn hours. They should have been over here by now. Alan, from now on, when I call down for my breakfast, call the boys and tell them I’m up and to be ready for anything, and that may include me not even coming downstairs. I just want them here.”

Demanding? Yes, but Matt could be just as generous. By today’s standards the boys’ salaries were not high—the average paycheck was $250 a week—but if the boys ever felt the pinch by the end of the month, they would go to Matt. They’d ask him if he could help them out with a down payment on a house or the first and last months’ payments on an apartment. Matt always came through for them, lending them the one thousand or five thousand or ten thousand dollars they asked for. He was rarely if ever paid back.

There also was no limit to the expensive gifts he gave them—television consoles for Christmas, bonus checks, Cadillac convertibles, Mercedes-Benzes. If he heard someone was sad or depressed, he loved to surprise them with a gift, usually a brand-new car. When he gave to one, he would usually end up giving to all.

James didn’t have much respect for the guys. He said Matt just gave and gave and gave, and they took and took and took. He’d say, “Son, we have to save.” Matt would answer, “It’s only money, Dad. I just have to go out and make more.”

James resented the regulars acting as if Graceland was their personal club. They’d go into the kitchen at any hour and order anything they wanted. Naturally, everyone ordered something different. The cooks worked night and day keeping them happy. James felt, “To hell with the boys. Their main concern should be Matt.”

What was really outrageous was that the regulars were ordering sirloin steaks or prime ribs while Matt usually ate hamburgers or peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

I wasn’t too popular around Graceland when I started reorganizing the kitchen. I set down a policy of having one menu per meal, and anyone who didn’t like what was on it could go to a local restaurant. This new edict resulted in much grumbling from the guys, but the cooks were relieved, and James sanctioned my decision, announcing, “It’s about time someone organized the meals. It was beginning to look like we were feeding half of Boston.”

Matt was the boss, the provider, and the power. Both the boys and I had to protect him from people who annoyed or irritated him and were no longer in his favor. Before coming down for the evening, he’d have me call downstairs to check who was there. I’d run down the guests, aware that certain names would strike him wrong.

“Shit,” he’d say, his mood destroyed. “What’s he want? Bring me some more bad news?” He’d stay up in his room rather than spend an evening with someone he didn’t like. There was one particular regular who had incurred his disfavor, and Matt told everyone he didn’t want him around. “Don’t let him through those goddamn gates!” Matt ordered. “All I have to do is look at his face and I get depressed.” Matt barred him from Graceland for a number of years, saying, “If he changes his morbid attitude, maybe I’ll change my mind.” His perceptions were correct, as these “friends” eventually betrayed him.

Matt and James kept some of their relatives at a distance because, as Matt explained to me, they’d shunned him when he was growing up, ridiculing him as a sissy, a mama’s boy. Mary Lou stood up for Matt and told his tormentors to go their own way. Angrily, she had said, “Don’t bother us with these accusations.”

Then fame and fortune hit, and suddenly all the kinfolk came around, begging for jobs or crying that they needed help. Sometimes Matt got upset, charging, “The only time they visit is with their hand out. It’d be nice if they’d come around just to see how I was doing. But hell no, it’s always, ‘Ah, Matt, I could use a little extra cash. Could you help me out?’ Hell, I’ll bet when I’m dead and gone, they’ll still be taking advantage.” But Matt ended up slipping each of them a hundred dollars or more every time they came around. If it had been up to James, he would have gotten rid of every one of them. But Matt kept saying, “No, Dad, they don’t have any place to go. They couldn’t work anywhere. Keep them here.”

From the beginning of his success, Matt put many family members on salary, and all had titles. James was his business manager; Patsy, his personal secretary; uncles Vester Sturniolo and Johnny and Travis Smith, and cousin Harold Lloyd, gate guards; cousins Billy, Bobby, and Gene, personal aides; and then there was Tracy Smith, who seemed to go from brother to brother for support. Matt took care of everyone.

I remember one night at Graceland when Matt came back to the kitchen and saw Tracy pacing the floor. “Hey, Tracy,” he said, “How ya doing, man?” Tracy, his hands in his pockets, could hardly look Matt in the eye. “I don’t know, Matt,” he sighed. “What do ya mean, you don’t know? Everyone knows how they’re doin’, man.”

Tracy, shifting back and forth, mumbled, “I got my nerves in the dirt, Matt.” Matt staggered back, laughing. “Nerves in the dirt! Hell, I never heard it expressed like that before. You need some money, Tracy?”

Again, Tracy just shifted back and forth, as Matt called Nate over and told him to give Tracy a bill. A big smile covered Tracy’s lined face as he happily took his hundred dollars and walked out the door.

Matt knew that having his nerves in the dirt was Tracy’s way of saying he was down and out—and worried sick about it. He never forgot that phrase. “Poor ol’ Matt,” he’d say. “I’ll never forget the look on his face that night, poor ol’ guy.”

That was Matt—always caring, always sensitive to everyone’s needs, even while presenting a macho image to his fans and friends.

Anything I could think of doing for him, I did. I made sure Graceland was always warm and inviting, with the lights turned low, as he preferred them, the temperature in his bedroom set to his exact desire (freezing), and the kitchen filled with the aroma of his favorite meals.

Every night before dinner was served, I came downstairs first, checked with the maids to see that his food was just the way he liked it—his mashed potatoes creamily whipped, plenty of cornbread, and his meat burnt to perfection. I always had candles on the dining room table to create a romantic atmosphere despite the fact that we always ate with several of the regulars.

I loved babying Matt. He had a little-boy quality that could bring out the mother instinct in any woman, a beguiling way of seeming utterly dependent. It was this aspect of his charm that made me want to hold him, shower him with affection, protect him, fight for him, and yes, even die for him. I went to extremes in taking care of him, from cutting his steak at dinner to making sure his water glass was always filled. I enjoyed pampering and spoiling him and found myself jealous of others vying for his attention and approval.

But I didn’t always receive his approval. If something went wrong with his dinner, Matt blew up. “Why isn’t this steak done? Why didn’t you make sure the maids cooked it right? If you’d have done your job, it wouldn’t have turned out like this.” Obviously something else was wrong, and I didn’t recognize it at the time. Because of the continuous pressures and problems in Matt’s life, all magnified by taking prescribed drugs, little things would set him off. I took responsibility for everything in his life and always took it all too personally.

I wanted to be with Matt as much as I could, but while going to the movies or the fairgrounds every night might have been a wonderful way for him to relax, it posed an enormous problem for me. Often I wouldn’t get home until 5 or 6 a.m., and I’d have to be at school two hours later. Sometimes I never went to sleep. When I did, I could barely make it out of bed. I would lie there trying to drum up the strength to face the day, Matt making it even harder by suggesting that I sleep in and cut classes. It would have been so easy to go along with his suggestion, but hanging over me was the agreement I’d made with my parents. They trusted me and even though I was letting them down, I still had to keep up the facade.

Day after day I drove to school, attended classes till noon, then returned to Graceland to slip back into bed and cuddle next to Matt, who was still sound asleep. When he awoke at 3 or 4 p.m., I might never have left his side for all he knew. I was there to give him his usual order of orange juice, a Spanish omelet, home-fried potatoes, a mere two pounds of bacon, and—first and foremost—his black coffee.

Everyone who knew Matt was aware that it took him at least two to three hours to wake up fully. Asking him to make a decision, even a simple one such as what movie he wanted to see that night, was ill-advised. He was just too groggy and irritable from the sleeping pills, which were causing him to sleep as many as fourteen hours a day. It seemed only natural for him to take some Dexedrine to wake up.

I was always concerned about his intake of sleeping pills. His horror of insomnia, compounded with a family history of compulsive worrying, caused him to down three or four Placidyls, Seconals, Quaaludes, or Tuinals almost every night—and often it was a combination of all four. When I expressed my concern, he just picked up the medical dictionary, always near at hand on his night table.

“In here is the explanation for every type of pill on the market, their ingredients, side effects, cures, everything about them,” he assured me. “There isn’t anything I can’t find out.”

It was true. He was always reading up on pills, always checking to see what was on the market, and which ones had received FDA approval. He referred to them by their medical names and knew all their ingredients. Like everyone else around him, I was impressed with his knowledge and certain that he was an expert. One would think he had a degree in pharmacology. He always assured me that he didn’t need pills, that he could never become dependent on them. This difference in opinion resulted in many serious confrontations; I always compromised my integrity and ended up taking his viewpoint.

I began taking sleeping pills and diet pills too. Two Placidyls for him and one for me. A Dexedrine for him and one for me. Eventually Matt’s consumption of pills seemed as normal to me as watching him eat a pound of bacon with his Spanish omelet. I routinely took “helpers” in order to get to sleep after wild rides at the fairgrounds or early-morning jam sessions. And I routinely took more “helpers” when I woke up in order to maintain the fast pace and, more importantly, to study for my final exams.

During the last month before finals, I started popping more dexies than before. They seemed to give me the energy I needed to get through classes and homework. Every free moment was devoted to cramming a whole semester’s work into a few weeks. But my concentration was scattered; the strain of life at Graceland had finally caught up with me.

I had already been warned by Sister Adrian that in order for me to graduate, I had to pass all my subjects. During a talk in her office, I wanted desperately to confide in her and explained how hard it was to maintain my grade level with the late hours I kept: But how could I tell that to a nun?

I had no real goals after graduation, but I did sometimes dream of becoming a dancer or possibly enrolling in an art academy. Now I realize that I was deeply influenced by Matt’s casual attitude toward continued schooling. He figured I didn’t need it and I agreed. Just being with him most of the time would provide an education—not to mention experience—that no school could give me. He wanted me to be his totally, free to go to him in an instant if he needed me.

That sounded great to me. I’d never planned on a future without Matt. Therefore, while my classmates were deciding which colleges to apply to, I was deciding which gun to wear with what sequined dress. I was tempted to say to Sister Adrian, “Oh, by the way, Sister, does gunmetal gray go with royal blue sequins?” With that attitude it was no surprise that I was still woefully unprepared for my most hated subject, algebra, the week before finals.

On the day of the test, I sat in the crowded classroom, hyper from downing a dexy, trying to work out the problems. Despite my effort, I knew there was no way I was going to pass. I started to panic. I had to graduate. I had an obligation to Matt and to my parents, who I knew would yank me out of Graceland the minute I failed this test. I glanced at the girl next to me—and at her completed test paper. It’s my last resort, I thought. I’m going for it. I was not willing to face the consequences of being sent home for failing this test.

Her name was Janet and she was a straight A student. I tapped her on the shoulder and flashed my brightest smile, whispering, “Are you a Matt fan?” Taken aback by my question, Janet nodded yes. “How would you like to come to one of his parties?” I asked.

“Are you kidding?” she replied. “I’d love to.”

“Well, I know a way that it can be arranged.”

I eyed her test paper and explained. Janet instantly grasped my dilemma and, without a word, slid her paper to the edge of her desk. Now I had a full view of her answers. I spent the rest of the hour furiously copying them down and I not only passed, but I got an A on that test.

I hadn’t expected Matt to make much of my graduation. His attitude was, “A diploma’s not that important; life’s experiences are.” But to my surprise, he really looked forward to it and arranged to have a big party for our friends after the ceremony. There he presented a beautiful red Corvair, my first car.

On the big night he was like a proud parent. Nervous about what he should wear to the ceremony, he finally settled on a dark blue suit, and I put on my navy blue gown. I couldn’t possibly keep the cap on over that mass of teased hair.

Matt had a limo waiting for us out front. But there was one problem: I did not want him to come to the actual ceremony. It would attract a lot of attention, and all eyes would be focused on him instead of the graduating seniors.

Finally I worked up enough courage to ask him to wait outside, and explained why. Smiling his funny little grin, the one that came to his lips when he was hurt or upset, he agreed without hesitation. “I hadn’t thought about that,” he said. “I won’t come in. I’ll just be outside in the car waiting for you. That way I’ll kinda be there.”

And that was what he did. I accepted my diploma with mixed emotions. I would have loved for him to have been watching, but only I knew what a physical, emotional, and mental strain it had been to get that piece of paper. To me, it represented freedom, freedom to stay out until dawn if I wanted and sleep all day if I wanted. It represented freedom from my school uniform and from the teasing the entourage subjected me to every time they caught me in it trying to sneak past them at Graceland. I was a big girl playing in the big leagues.

As soon as I could get away, I ran outside. In front of the church, Matt and the boys were standing by the long black limo, looking like the Chicago Mafia in their dark glasses and suits, each concealing a.38. Around them a group of nuns were clamoring for Matt’s autograph.

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd. This material may be protected by copyright.

a/n - so cute🎀

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Right off the bat, this is a self-reported survey, so when stigma goes down, the willingness to admit you use a substance goes up. It's not necessarily more people using, just more people admitting it. Who's a daily coffee-user? Wow, look at all those hands. We don't care about that, do we? You get a headache when you don't get your caffeine? Well, you're addicted, congratulations. Get your ass to rehab, which'll take about three days in your case. Then you'll get right back on that sweet bean juice, won'tcha? Typical.

But we don't care about that. You won't lose touch with reality and have caffeine psychosis! Uh. Well... That's different.

*sigh* We've known this about psychedelics for a long time and the overemphasis is really frustrating. Any medicine that can help you can also hurt you, and we sell things OTC that can do permanent damage or kill you. If you have risk factors, generally speaking, we'll tell you not to take that stuff (unless we forget) and it's your responsibility to not chug ibuprofen with a stomach ulcer, or give aspirin to a child, or take even slightly too much acetaminophen, or drink the Panera lemonade, or whatever. If you're at risk of psychosis, generally speaking, psychedelics are not for you.

But if they're not for you, you've probably figured that out, and you're not taking them every damn day! I would be much less worried about psychosis in habitual users than new users.

I'm one of these "near daily" users, so I speak from experience when I say: If you're using pot every day and you want to get high YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. I have a tolerance, and I like that just fine, because I'm using it to sleep. (It's really annoying when I get near the bottom of the tincture bottle and I hafta get up and eat a bag of Cheetos after I already brushed my damn teeth, lemme tell ya.) I have chronic pain and a lot of health issues and sleep-related trauma, and THC and CBD is the only thing I've found that will get me 7ish hours of rest without leaving me oogy all day the next day. And I have to take regular breaks because it stops working otherwise! Cannabis itself tells me when to stop taking it and I listen!

I guarantee, if you're using every day, you're either very new to it and you will eventually taper off, or you have some kind of chronic (haha) issue that marijuana addresses. Some issues can be better addressed by removing the stressors from your life, or actually treating whatever else is going on, but if that's not an option at the moment, there are much worse ways to self-medicate. I would say alcohol is one of 'em, so good for you if you dropped beer and switched to pot!

This literal weed should've been legal a long time ago. Not at the level of codeine or ketamine, just legal, but that's not on the table. We're screaming and shitting about a reclassification that won't even stop the feds from putting brown people in prison. This would be a gift to medical researchers and pharmaceutical companies if it goes through, but I don't care as much about them. I'm saving the champagne for when we stop incarcerating regular folks for needing some help to exist on this shitty planet.

[vegaspng]

Raina/The Cast’s Dynamics (OC)

Thought this would be fun so I joined ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ || Raina’s established spouse is Julian ! || Warning, yapfest ahead 😓

Julian: In her words, he is her ‘beloved, beautiful, and very eccentric drama king’. In all seriousness, He’s been a light in her life — one of her first friends since she moved to Vesuvia, always taking her to the most lively places and ranting about common interests together. Their first meeting before the plague arose was at a local tavern during a celebration, and they clicked instantly over their love of medical practice and not-so-fun facts for the surrounding patrons. Ever since they found each other again, they’ve been an inseparable pair. They became regular actors in the local theatre after saving the world, because why not? And Julian now enjoys — although reluctantly at first— learning and dabbling in spells that Raina shows him, finally embracing magic.

Asra: When she initially woke up, the sight of their face provided an odd, fuzzy and euphoric feeling, and they’ve been a safe space ever since. There’s a lingering scent of cardamom and violets on him that is mysteriously comforting, and seeing Asra and Faust can make a bad day worlds better. Recovering and relearning after death would have never been possible without them, and Raina is grateful to them eternally for it. They would never return from a trip without at least one shiny item for her insatiable curiosity. A fond memory they both share is when she began to relearn magic, it came to her naturally. (There were a couple explosions but who cares about that?)

Nadia: A gorgeous, kind, intelligent woman in power who happens to be good friends with her teacher? Sign her up. They often arrange luncheons and casual tea parties on free days to catch up, chatting happily until the late hours of the day into the evenings. During the interrogation session (post-plague and murder), things were slightly awkward. It was clear as day that the “detective” and the “suspect” cared deeply for one another, and in her eyes — it was the comedic relief they all needed at the time. Nadia often jokes about it during masquerades lightheartedly, bringing up how fervently Julian can dodge subjects. In her eyes, she is a loyal, dedicated, and generous countess, but an even better friend.

Muriel: They’ve always had a quiet understanding since Raina was resurrected: ‘We may not talk much, but It’s okay to consider us friends.’ Oftentimes she’d come over with Asra, bringing simpler gifts as not to overwhelm him, but sometimes— Raina visited on her own to feed the chickens, play with Inanna, or simply drop by to say hello. They silently trust each other and are willing to help the other in times of urgent need. Sometimes Muriel will have a gift in return, like a freshly made snack, or a wood sculpture, but he’s always a little embarrassed to give it to her directly.

Portia: As the little sibling to her spouse, they’re universally obligated to be best friends. They poke fun at Julian but simultaneously care for him the most. They work together to make the best pastries and dishes weekly, and love to experiment in the kitchen. Julian is happily the tester for the ideas his wife and baby sister come up with (this is how they get him to eat normally, it works deviously well!). They go shopping and have picnics frequently with Nadia, enjoying one another’s company. Portia appreciates not just being seen as ‘Julian’s sister’ or ‘Head servant’ and loves being able to be herself. Has always been thankful that Raina decided to help her brother clear his name instead of condemning an innocent man, who was also her only remaining family.

Lucio: If it weren’t for all the atrocities he’s committed, his sassy attitude, the way he mistreated her friends and the citizens of Vesuvia, and bringing a LITERAL PLAGUE among other misfortune into her life, maybe, just maybe they could’ve been friends. After finding out the depth of his character, it took everything in her not to beat the absolute dog crap out of him in the magical realms. Raina is a firm believer in Lucio slander, and sees him as a failure of a Count, and a weak man. Makes fun of his receding hairline too.

[anniebass]

ok so this is on the bedding thing you just posted about (i feel qualified to answer bc i am american and also my dad sells mattresses and bed stuff)

so basically, we use blanket as like. a general term for all blanket stuff which can include duvets and comforters and other types of blankets. most americans have The Blanket which is a shitty itchy wool blanket like you were talking about, usually its too small to use and you give it to a guest you don't really like.

as for the duvet/comforter thing you mentioned: duvets are 2 pieces, the outside bit and an insert. this is by definition, but sometimes the insert isn't able to be removed. i think technically the duvet is the inside part but im not 100% sure. a comforter is like a duvet, except it doesn't have a cover and is one piece, usually its filled with something, either a synthetic cotton (cheap) or feathers (expensive).

americans also tend to have quilts, either handmade or store bought. handmade quilts are very nice and usually passed down in the family or made by someone's grandma/aunt/mother and given as gifts. these are blankets that are made of fabrics and multiple layers, most of them are multiple types of textiles gathered and put together in an artistic fashion. grandmas love quilts.

as for other types of blankets, usually people keep "throw blankets" on their couches, these are mostly decorative and can be some kind of cotton or other fabric. sometimes they're a plush fabric and super soft it really depends on who, i keep a plush blanket on my couch.

most people have a bedding set which includes a fitted sheet, a flat sheet, pillow cases, and either a comforter, duvet, or quilt. you can literally buy these at the store for super cheap or they can be super expensive. high quality stuff is usually not sold as a set, for example i was gifted a "down comforter" from my dad which is a really high qualify blanket, i think mine has goose feathers? but most people just have regular comforters, generally the nicer bedding you have the more money you have?

its also common for families to have a closet in the house dedicated to storing extra blankets, sheets, and towels. i think the rule of thumb is to have 1 extra set of sheets per bed, a handful of smaller blankets for guests, and maybe 1 or 2 extra comforters/duvets/quilts for the whole house. also a lot of people have recently been investing in weighted blankets.

this also all depends on *where* you live. if you live in a warmer area like the south or in the desert you don't really keep that many heavy blankets on hand, so you're less likely to see people living in say, arizona, using those heavier comforters or duvets, they tend to stick to single layer blankets. the opposite is also true, people in michigan will probably keep more blankets on hand because it gets wayyy colder.

anyways! hope this helps :)

tysm for the extensive write-up! The bedding discourse thickens!!

Also quilts are so fuckign cute, you americans popped off with quilts. Idk where grandmas also quilt, not in my parts I think, I think in Poland grandmas either embroider or knit their blankets, or make elaborate crochet bed covers. My mom (who is also a grandma) has knitted me a cashmere throw blanket last year, it's dope for winters or getting cozy on the couch.

Also yeah. The US being so huge and multicultural is a big part of the nuance, can't imagine people in hot climates needing down duvets (though A/C is a thing, unlike in Europe). I wonder about bedding situation in houses of emigrants! I bet people with german grandparents grew up knowing duvets, while people coming, say, from south Asia, have different arrangements.

It's all super interesting!

[msfbgraves]

Thrifting: a way to help yourself and others when disabled

My mother grew up in a family that was constantly penny pinching and she hated it. My father was so cheap other people made fun of him or complained bitterly (my parents made an interesting couple). My ass is disabled so "just getting a job" was never on the table. Employment has always been an unreliable option - not impossible, but tumultuous. So saving money has always been a keen interest. But doing it right, like. I feel that people use it as an option to shaft someone, even themselves, and I do not hold to that. Also, you cannot thrift yourself out of insufficient funds. You need mo money, you need mo money. But we also know that society loves an excuse to underpay people, deny promotions and fuck you over in a million different ways no matter how hard you work.

Thrifting is work that will always yield results, no matter who you are, and a good skill to have when mf's keep finding excuses to not pay you, or even employ you. It's even better when you're in a position to say, hm, more would be nice, but I'm staying afloat. Again, this is no feckin bootstrap talk. This is getting more bang for your buck.

And especially during Disability Pride this actually makes me proud to be able to do. Without hurting anyone, for one, and actually helping those without the time for it. I can find The Thing for less for them very often.

OK, first things first.

This is not self-denial 101. Fuck off with that. We want more joy maximisers, not fewer.

The Vimes boots theory is 100% correct. But there are plenty of places where $50 boots are sold for $25 or even $20. Yes, in Ankh Mopork too.

Skills are cash money. I should know, I barely have any.

Many people think that thrifty means "cheap" and "no fun". And that's what people do. "Whelp, I have to economise, so I can't have any treats and can only shop at Primark. Bummer! I hate life."

No, you're going to have to put some more time in preparation, and you need to figure out where to look.

It's an activity.

The first thing I would advise people to do is clean their stuff up. Told you this was work. And that may feel terrifying but if you know what you have you find things you thought you needed to buy. That's an immediate savings without pain. C'mon, do you really think you'd get a high from buying oregano? Of course not, and now you don't have to. You've probably slashed off 25% off your grocery bill for the week without going without anything you look forward to buying. King shit.

You probably have a keen sense of what you need to replace and since you're already going to Goodwill, look there. A lot of second hand is higher quality, and even if it's not, it can still be 25 to 80% below dollar store.

All that extra space will come in handy for buying things and storing them until gift giving season arrives, or birthdays and the like.

Gifts are insanely important. Don't skimp on the quality of something you buy for others. Find the place that stunts with that item. Here, time is your friend, too. If you can wait three weeks for it to ship, you can take advantage of a lower price nearly always.

Ask people what you're looking for and spruce the thing up when they offer it to you. Again, here the skills are a lifesaver.

Personalise. Any small thing that actually fits a recipient will be much appreciated. Gift wrap with care, write a kind message. But only do this when you can't find a "normal" gift for a better price. If you can find a steal, still gift wrap with care.

Do treat yourself! But treat it as anything else you want: best quality for the best price. This can also mean adding a top up. For instance: I generally know what the best bang for your buck is when it comes to theatrical shows: the last preview. Saw a show during the last try out, but spent $30 extra on seats. More expensive than just regular seats, vastly better experience. I did find a discount on parking too - who tf likes to pay for parking anyway?

Buy clothing that fits your body shape. That's what makes you look good. Vintage is fine, who cares if you wear something high quality that looks gorgeous?

Learn what stuff is made of. I bought a stick of foot balm that is supposed to prevent blisters. Felt suspiciously like vaseline. Next time I succesfully used vaseline.

Something I never hear but I find very useful: go on and try the hideously expensive option if possible. See what the fuss is about. Incorporate the thing you like most about it in your routine, don't bother with the rest. Other end of the spectrum: do a taste test with store brand. If it's bad, now you know. If it's good, no one will notice.

Loyalty programmes can be your friend, if you don't look at them as the default option. Do sign up, don't get mad if they keep taking away your credit. Every time they give you something for what you would have done anyway is a win.

Shop around for better banking fees. Who the hell wants to pay those anyway.

Try to pay for what you want and only what you want. Review any package deal; they're rarely worth it.

Try something a little bit different, if you have the skill to back it up. Go do things "people like you don't do". Slovenian wine, people.

Be consistently nice, and people will gladly help you with things. Can be a huge savings. Give where and what you can.

Take the bus, geezus. All that nonsense about it being a poor people thing or dangerous when travelling. How do you think locals get home?

Again I am aware this is work and of course, nobody can do all of it all the time. But I know a lot of people who start by slashing the joy, but why would you? Have your latte! Take your trip! Have your avocado and triple organic eggs. Think about where and when you buy things instead, and be a little adventurous.

If you're disabled with limited energy, this is a way you can help out those around you. Maybe you can do it for them. I am proud of all the ways I have saved my friends and family money without compromising on quality at all. I promise you: loyalty discounted organic chicken thighs with store brand cream cheese blanched in leftover white wine sauce with $0.40 worth of pasta are really damn yummy. And those $40 dollars saved on a taxi because I found the right bus on a trip are welcome too.

People mostly don't want to do this work. But if you can, and know how, you can be a great help to those you love.

[tinysnailtales]

Thoughts from reading Yona of the Dawn Ch. 6

Ch.6 in summary: Soo-Won, hiding his inner turmoil, moves to become king and unite the tribes while Yona continues her recovery as her world, knowledge, and identity expand from meeting regular people

Upon arriving in the Wind Tribe, we (and Yona) get to see a different side of Hak. Here, he is very popular and revered.

And as he is fawned over, Hak is focused on scoping out the situation. He's good at his job.

Yona as an "apprentice lady-in-waiting" makes her enter her princess in disguise era.

"What happened to her? Kind of a weakling, hmm?" – Yona is weak, for now. Her body and mind have been through a lot. And Hak is right on it, immediately at her side and giving us a ~bridal carry~

Hyeong-dae and the others are quick to notice 'O...the young chief's being nice to a girl..." – they can tell Hak likes Yona/that she's important to him.

We get a nice little spread of world-building/information about the structure of Kouka.

Five tribes– fire, water, wind, earth, and sky (royal family)

Hak is the leader of the Wind Tribe, one of "the mightiest warriors of the land" who "[defends] the king and [his] tribe"

I wonder how the elemental make-up of the tribes speaks to the religion of Kouka that we learn more about later.

"The palace is swarming with rumors...that General Hak murdered his majesty and has taken Princess Yona hostage." –an awfully convenient rumor for Soo-Won, but it seems to bother him. He chooses to say that King Il "was assassinated by an unknown assailant."

The political situation and Soo-Won's plan: avoid war amongst the tribes and with other nations, unite the tribes and strength + stabilize Kouka, and (of course) become king.

He still orders others to avoid harming Hak and Yona, hiding his care behind practicality.

Soo-Won is the only choice for king, as "he is the son of Lord Yu-Hon, King Il's elder brother" and "under ordinary circumstances, he would have been crown prince," so why wasn't he crown prince? Why was King Il named king instead of his brother?

Soo-Won's ascension to the throne could be viewed as a righting of a wrong.

This is also all very well done by Soo-Won and co, he appears to be "innocently" gaining the throne and saving Kouka.

The many faces of Soo-Won– I can't keep up with how he is ever-shifting in his expression. Is he doing it on purpose or does he continue to be a complicated figure with many sides?

"Without a king, the nation can't function" – Soo-Won's belief and a driving force for him?

"If you'd married Princess Yona and become king through proper means...I would have joyfully brought you a wedding gift" – it does seem Soo-Won took the hard way and that many expected he would end up king, only it would come about from him marrying Yona.

Soo-Won acted clueless about a potential romance and marriage with Yona, but was he really oblivious or just pretending? Maybe he had considered it, but it wouldn't accomplish his goal of avenging his father by killing King Il and maybe he knew King Il was determined to prevent him from becoming king.

Mundok also seems rather angry and suspicious of Soo-Won despite not knowing he killed King Il. Is it the Hak element that is making him act this way?

"Hak wouldn't have left the palace for no good reason" / "I'm not a general. Hak is the one you should speak with." – Mundok is very loyal to his adopted grandson. And he trusts him. He knows there's more to the story because of Hak's absence.

"We'll be holding the coronation in three days. It can't go forward without the approval of the Wind Tribe...but I believe you'll be here then, Elder Chief Mundok...for the sake of the people of Fuuga." – Soo-Won goes from soft and yielding to compromise (or at least appearing to) to making threats, worded in such a way to avoid being outright.

OUCH.

Soo-Won keeps losing support and love, favoring the throne over relationships with those closest to him.

"Aren't you being soft-hearted? I can't believe you're pursuing Princess Yona and General Hak without killing them. If they spread the truth..." – Is Soo-Won being soft-hearted? Can he strike a balance between what his father and King Il had to offer? Could he be an ideal king?

"Hak's no fool" – part of Soo-Won might be protecting his friends, but he also knows them and respects Hak.

"We must prepare for opposition from the Wind Tribe. General Kang, please proceed with the next step of the plan." / "Thank you. I was so happy when you said...you saw me as a grandson, Master Mundok." – Soo-Won plans an indirect strike/threat against the Wind Tribe despite his obvious affection for Mundok (in addition to Hak).

And just...AHHH. Soo-Won! He seems to have clashing desires, but despite his personal feelings, sticks to his plans. He is probably torn up inside.

I wonder if like Yona, Soo-Won was (and is) lonely too. He doesn't seem to have any immediate family left and now has isolated himself even more. He got what he wanted and he has people working with/below him, but he's alone. And he might be the only person who knows the truth of who he is on the inside.

Young Soo-Won in Yona's dream flashback admired Mundok so much, so we know how much Mundok's words mean to him.

Soo-Won is also an interesting contrast to the usual complex "villain." I find they are usually more outwardly aggressive with a concealed softer internal life, but Soo-Won's "mask" is different. He comes off as capable and stands his ground, but he can also be taken as "soft-hearted" and gentle. He can be contradictory and hard to read.

"These aren't my clothes" – the shedding of Yona's identity (as a sheltered princess).

Notably, Yona also fainted after being asked: "What's your name? Where are you from?"

"Who am I? Who do I want to be?" – something for Yona to explore.

I love how this scene mirrors both Yona's memory dream of getting sick as a child but also Soo-Won's "motherly” care for Yona.

She wakes up in this new place, assuming a new identity, and she is still being cared for by an expanding circle of others. For someone who was so isolated and lonely, and used to being treated a certain way because she is a princess, this touches her.

This is a taste of Yona being treated as a person rather than a princess. And she is still treated with love and kindness.

I think she also starts to realize how often others are taking care of her and a seed is planted that will later become her desire to do the same for others.

"Are you [Hak's] friend?" "Probably...?"

This whole scene is hilarious. How to define Yona's relationship with Hak...

It's interesting that Yona hesitates to give the affirmative on Hak being her friend. I don't think she considers him in usual relationship terms. I guess she'd best describe him as her "guard" but he kind of goes beyond labels.

"Probably his friend?! At least say you're his lover or his consort...Poor Lord Hak! She doesn't return his feelings...at all!" "Want me to tear your eyes out?" – I am still greatly amused and love how the others can tell Hak has feelings for Yona. And Hak's reaction to them saying that he does! XD

"Who're you calling a friend?" – Hak teases Yona a bit (as usual), and part of him is playing a part to keep Yona's real identity a secret, but I think he takes how Yona views him seriously.

"Huh? 'Servant,' then?" – And to top it all off, Yona the comedian. And she's being genuine! Interesting how those are the two options here: "friend" or "servant"

The antics continue! Having other characters like those in the Wind Tribe really add to the dynamics and humor.

"Your name is Rina. You're an apprentice lady-in-waiting from the palace. That's how I'll be treating you while we're here. Got it?" "All right" "Good girl." – Hak! My guy. I get that you needed to keep Yona informed, but the method! And the "good girl" XD

"I didn't do anything Tae-Yeon shouldn't see!" "It just looked kinda dirty, Lord Hak" – Exactly, Tae-Woo. Exactly.

Listen, it might not have been intended to be flirtatious or a move, but there is a charge to Hak and Yona's interactions (that was noticeably absent between Yona and Soo-Won?)

Maybe it's somewhat inherent to the bodyguard romance dynamic, but it is interesting to see play out with these two. Hak is bringing his protective energy here but I'd say his feelings/attraction are also at play. This again displays their comfort level and Yona's trust of Hak, and then you also get her wide-eyed, trying-to-make-sense-of-it-all look.

"What's my brother like at the palace?" "At the palace...Hak is...insolent. No, wait. He's insensitive. No, um...arrogant? Or maybe...unpleasant?" – More comedian Yona! And again she's being genuine. Her answer is more reflective of their teasing relationship, a shift from last chapter where Hak was in the position of caregiver.

"Everyone is smiling. They're all so cheerful." – Seeing this amazes and makes Yona happy, and seeing Yona's soft happiness from the Wind Tribe makes Hak happy. Soft all around!

"So this is where Hak grew up..." –Even Yona's knowledge of Hak is limited, as if she's only been exposed to one side of him and hasn't considered him beyond how he appears in her world. I think this contextualizes Hak a bit for her.

Also, I said Hak bringing Yona to his homeland was symbolic and then here she's doing well there and that adds even more to it! Yona blooming in "Hak's world"...

It's almost like Yona can finally breathe a bit. She was somewhat stuffed away at the palace and then choked up from everything that happened with Soo-Won's betrayal. Appropriate for the "wind" tribe XD

I enjoy thinking of Yona as a flower who needed some nourishment, and on her journey, she will go from a domesticated flower coveted and conserved for its beauty to more of a wildflower.

"There are lots of girls like you here" – I believe part of Yona's isolation before was being the only girl around, but she was not just a girl but a "princess." Now she will learn how to be herself as a girl/more about being a girl (and young woman). She needs to find herself and her identity ("Who am I outside of "princess"?)

"I hear you came here to train because you can't cook, sew, clean, play the koto or dance, and they kicked you out? Maybe you should give up trying to be a woman!" – Hak's revenge for Yona's unfavorable descriptions of what he's like at the palace XD

What makes a "woman"? Yona will carve her own path and become her own type of woman, but it is notable that she lacks practical skills. And though she is not a regular woman/girl, you'd think she would have some skills, albeit those suited for a princess.

Yona will find and work on developing her own skills/talents as well and become a more well-rounded person.

Very domestic of them tbh.

"You seem a bit more like yourself" –More of a return to their banter and teasing indicates to Hak that Yona is recovering.

"I had no idea you had a little brother He's cute...and nothing like you" "That's harsh" – A little dash of teasing, and I think Yona is sad that she didn't know about Hak's brother. And though part of it is because she didn't seek out that knowledge, I also think Hak is pretty tight-lipped about himself. He doesn't think of his own life as very important or of his own self as worth knowing much about + he's kind of private.

"The river's very important to our tribe. We think of it as the water of life" – Yona is learning practical skills (like laundry) + more about individual people in the kingdom (like Hak and his brother) + how tribes and regular people live and what they value. Her world and knowledge are expanding.

And then we end on HakYona looking good next to each other (and if I said they looked great carrying laundry together too!) "Hak, I don't think I can–" "Come on, you haven't even tried yet!" "But...there's no water" is also just another great + amusing moment.

[snifekinner]

what hetalia characters would be like if i served them in a pub

(based on my experience in a pub in Waterloo right near the station)

england is that asshole regular who is always in at the same time, has way too many opinions, is pretty decent to the older staff but ruthlessly grills the new ones and gets scathing if they don't know his regular order or they don't use the right glass. he lives nearby. he goes to the pub and has like 5 or 6 pints there then on his way home he goes by the 24/7 offie and picks up a 4 pack of Stella (or two if it's been a really hard week) and then goes home and drinks them on his own watching old british tv. usually drinks the exact same thing for the first few rounds (pint of house bitter, has to be in a glass with a handle) and then tries some of the guest beers. likes a pale ale or a porter, nothing too far on either side of that.

ivan as a customer, i'd see him once or twice a month because he usually has people to dinner at his and has to travel a lot for work even though he hates travelling, so whenever i see him he's like. exhausted and either very irritated and liable to start an argument, or very sociable and will buy drinks for the bar staff. there's been a night where we think we'll have to call the police because he refuses to leave at closing time and starts smashing glasses but the manager kind of talks him round and takes him outside for a cigarette, and the next few nights everyone's steeling for the worst thinking he'll come back and we'll end up having to bar him (which like, no one wants to do because he's generally a nice guy and he drops a lot of cash when he visits) and then he finally turns up like 3 weeks later with gifts for the bar staff and full of apologies for how he acted last time and he's super repentant for the next few months (until he starts getting comfy and starting arguments again).

france - i would love him as a customer tbh. he would be lovely and charming, he would give tips even though he doesnt have to. he'll buy red wine by the bottle, even if he doesn't drink the whole thing, he'll take the rest home with him. he comes to the pub because it's near his (beautiful very expensive victorian terrace) house but he likes to also pretend its beneath him. mainly because arthur is the other local regular and he loves to piss him off. the caveat to him being super generous is he is also very exacting, so everything has to be perfect. he will complain if the glass has a smudge on it. he can see smudges that are not visible to the normal human eye. he also turns up with different women all the time and the staff say nothing.

[aquilamage]

So I've actually been playing like every day but it's just been running pearls and such so not many interesting events outside of Lore. But now, a collection of thoughts from that:

I forget if I mentioned/checked about this before but it does seem like Looks to the Moon is remembering between cycles now! I'm in the middle of doing another run for more neurons so I'll see then if they have unique dialogue for being gifted multiple (I've given two so far), just debating with myself if it seems easier to backtrack out of Five Pebbles or go the route through his stuff etc.

.

The regular pearls seem to just have pretty generic things. While whatever they say seems to be consistent in the sense that they have enough individual code for Looks to the Moon to mention when they've already read one (including between cycles), I would believe that they're not necessarily in a set order or anything.

What I am getting out of showing them the white pearls is the little remarks they give sometimes about the fact that I keep bringing them, which are so fucking cute.

Another? You're no better than the scavengers! Let us see..to be honest, I'm as curious to see it as you are. Yet another gift? You're quite curious, little friend! ...You're getting quite good at this you know. A little archaeologist beast. Here we go again, little archaeologist. Let's read your pearl.

.

Remember when I said I kind-of on purpose killed one of Five Pebbles's overseers and genuinely accidentally killed one of Looks to the Moon's? I'd kept both of the remains then and now I brought them both to her. First of all she says the same thing for both which was sad because I was kind of hoping for more Five Pebbles Opinions from them. But they do confirm something I had been wondering, aka that overseers normally are seemingly controlled by and definitely give iterators views on what's going on in the world, but Looks to the Moon no longer has any connection to theirs.

(The specific phrasing of "I lost contact with them when I was neutered. My umbilical is cut." First of all, feels like a weird mix of metaphors there with those two things, although they both get a little visceral icky 'oh that's bad' feeling. And then the very nonspecific passive voice of "I was." Was this an accident? On purpose? What or who caused it????)

It is interesting that they speculate that theirs are all gone because I have seen one in their room a couple times (although I guess they do say all gone "out there"), and even more so the line "Without me they would just roam around with no purpose" because that is absolutely not what they're doing, what with the guiding you around and showing images (a lot of it specifically to get you to help Looks to the Moon). So where is that coming from??? What does it mean?!??

.

Also I've gotten three other colored pearls.

First, a red one from Shaded Citadel, which with my current understanding is very funny but doesn't have too much specific lore, although very excitingly a fourth iterator name (Unparalleled Innocence), and the mention of it as "local." Unless it doesn't mean local to the citadel area, it's odd that an iterator we haven't run into would be mentioned over the two obvious closer ones (or this one was a project that didn't end up getting completed, or this one was the one actually being worked on at that moment in time)

Then a blue from the Industrial Complex which is mostly about bone masks (and bone plaster?? I don't know if that's just plaster made with bone bits or what). This is probably not related but it did make me think of the skull looking things that the scavengers have in their major gathering areas, which I feel like I would have a better grasp on if I knew better the scale of things but whatever. (I did have a period of wondering if they were rain deer skulls but having compared shots of the two things they don't seem quite the right shape).

But then they go on to say the mask-making facility was "here on Pebble's grounds" (sidenote: Looks to the Moon calls him just Pebbles several times and it's always at least a little funny to me every time) and the place was made for Five Pebbles. Again assuming that the location being referred to is the location I found the pearl then that means Industrial would be considered Five Pebbles's territory, not Looks to the Moon's. I don't know what that would actually mean if anything but it feels significant to note.

Also that the area "was made to provide pellets of holy ash to Pebbles, but knowing him he probably hasn't used much of it!" (what is that. what in the world would he use it for. what does his whole thing suggesting he hasn't used it mean. does he not think it's as important or good. is he a resource hoarder. what. also there's one regular pearl that's a recipe of "Two parts rot bar extract, one part bone ash" that not even Looks to the Moon knows what it is and this is just like. More weird ingredience)

Then there's a purple one I found in Shoreline which hooo information. That water is not only not bad for iterators (I had been wondering if the fact that Looks to the Moon's room is partially flooded and open to the rain was contributing to their problems but perhaps not. Or at least not as badly) but vital. Many things in this one to pick out and comment on.

She says this one is "quite old, from when Five Pebbles was in the planning phase" which not only gives a vague timescale but also she later says "Building Five Pebbles so close to me," which implies that she's even older.

Off of that second quote, they then say that "It was not a good decision, in hindsight." ???!? Super ominous, and like. Was them being built so close actually a water miscalculation? Or was there something else about putting those two close that made something end badly??? I don't think it's that some drama went down between the two of them because Looks to the Moon seems pretty chill any time they mention Five Pebbles but. in the unlikely scenario he's actually responsible for what happened to her I'm gonna lose it

Them specifically mentioning microbe strata as being most of their processing and a huge thing that keeps them alive. Adding another point to my "Five Pebbles is such a little bitch and that's hilarious" from him calling himself "godlike in comparison" to the stuff literally keeping him alive and functional like ok you little edgelord shit. even less fooling me than you were previously

The specific wording that iterators "breathe out as much vapor as we inhale water" has me like. how literal is that. I assume it's about their general processes in a 'yeah they're the whole machine thing not just the robot puppet' but also I just don't actually know that for sure

I don't have a conclusion to tie this all together or anything. There still feels like a lotta things I don't know and we'll see how long it takes to get to any of that, since I'm planning on going back to area exploration next.

[eweyroo]

🍦🥥 and 🍒with Rafiki! :)

🍦 - what's your f/o's favorite way to show affection? are there any little things they do to indicate their appreciation for you? Rafiki likes to show his affection a lot of the time by Bothering! Affectionate mischief is a trait that we both share, actually, so we've got a bit of a cut-up routine going when it's just the two of us! And he knows that I've gone a long time without being touched, and that I crave it badly, so he's always keeping an eye out for reasons to give me a pat or a hug or a tousle throughout the day, which I really appreciate (even if he also uses it as an excuse to be aggravating) x3c ~~~~~~~~~~~~

🥥 - talk about a memorable moment in your relationship. Ooh! Well, it depends on which s/i I'm using, so...I'll use Bakari (the mandrill) for this one! <3 Pretty early on in my apprenticeship (a couple of weeks or so), I happened to be walking past Rafiki and caught a glimpse of him from an angle that I hadn't before, and I realized, very suddenly, that he was looking kind of scruffy; his fur was tousled and he had leaves and bits of things all stuck in his hair, like he hadn't been groomed in a while. Which led me to ask if he had an actual troupe when he wasn't tutoring me (he did not/does not). That's extremely unusual for a mandrill, and not exactly healthy, because we're a very social species and we need to groom and be groomed by each other, for our mental and physical health. So I offered to fix his fur for him, and although he seemed a little embarrassed, he agreed to let me! That was the first time we really just sat down face-to-face and touched one another, and it was the first moment we really began to bond-- both as student and teacher and also just as friends! :3 ~~~~~~~~~~~ 🍒 - what is your f/o's love language, and how do they express it with you? If we're going by the generally agreed-upon Love Languages (Touch, Gift-Giving, etc) I would say that his is Quality Time! We're each others' troupe, basically, so we just like to spend as much time as we can just existing in the same space; painting together, eating together, observing the other animals, and taking naps in the sun with each other!

While he doesn't mind being alone sometimes, no one likes to be lonely...and I think it's a bit of a relief to him, especially when I first move in, to have somebody around to dote on and teach and talk to on a regular basis. (And he knows that I do not like being alone, and takes steps to make sure that I'm never left unaccompanied for long, even if sometimes the lions are the ones who end up needing to 'babysit' me, lmao)

[rennyji]

"June 2nd tweets...here we go...",

"I‚m nothing like Ashton Kutcher, not even in my own right, especially nowadays.-",

"-But in my old Twitter days (back in 2012), I‚d tweet this following train of thought often. It went along the lines of: Ashton Kutcher is actually famous, ‚a somebody,‚ who needs to safeguard his reputation from libel, ‚and probably has and pays ‚Äòagents‚ of his own choosing‚ to-",

"-to monitor his likes and reputation. I‚m so not Ashton Kutcher in that regard or any regard. Yet I have people ‚steering my life as a whole.‚ I did not select them, and I do not even know them. They‚ve been doing what they want with a regular nobody‚life for 11+ years. -",

"-What do you make of that? Why am I not protected by my American citizenship amidst mindless zombies who just see - say it slowly: 11 years of secrets on a massive scale- everything as ‚cute‚ or casual. I mean to see this as cute... what kind of a rosy picture are you getting?-",

"-Do U know what great lengths the orchestrators took 2make me look crazy? The actual things done recently, &over these past 11 years? Where is that famous American altruism? Did they tell people these things? Not going to say it myself at this point, let the orchestrators do it.-",

"-Do they tell people, that I wrote complaints 2the FBI &that they hijacked my phone calls 2the police or rerouted them? Do they tell people about my run in w/the police at my old house &what they did with me, 4talking about ‚the situation‚ with my parents and telling the truth?-",

"-Do people care to ask? Are the orchestrator waiting for my permission to disclose? I mean, I give the orchestrators permission to disclose their aforementioned misdeeds. In cr*p American psychology, they‚re usually concerned about psychological impacts and trauma. -",

"-These racist f*ks didn‚t give a d*mn with me cuz I wasn‚t a blonde girl. Sick people on me, I dare you. Im not attached to conveniences of my life through years of meditative practices. Watch, despite that, for who I am during our 1st &actual confrontation/meeting. &my parents?-",

"-While you‚ve been living and continuing with your lives, while giving me a hard time, remember all these things you had me face. To speak in terms of your background, you had an altar server face the police, so don‚t dare to judge me for what I say or write. -",

"-and throughout all these experiences, I was compliant throughout everything-that too for 11 years. It just goes to show you, words usually being the answer, can only do so much. You deal with man-demons, don‚t waste time on word",

"next thing...-",

"-So on 6/1, I find out a doctor who my family knows, died on the evening of 5/31. She‚Harvard educated-all that work and to only pass away in her 40s. She‚a doctor and her husbands a doctor. They have two small kids, 10 and under. -",

"-She has the figure of someone, out of this world: like nice face, nice voice, only says nice things, goes out of her way for others, and smiles through everything. God bless her soul. -",

"-You see it as a privilege to be close with someone with those qualities and wish you could‚ve had the opportunity, outside of this situation.-",

"-Thats 1 woman who dies without seeing me on the other side of theSituation. Life, every second of thought/words/action is a gift thats normally invigorating. But its never long enough. Its in such a world, where 11+ years are taken out of ur life by genuine demons. They smile,-",

"-may seem altruistic, but the reality is, a normal human being cannot inflict pain on another, for an extended amount of time, without reason, simply for everyone to watch. They are Legion from the Bible, enveloping the masses.",

"oh and something else -",

"-I used to think of Americans as world saving altruists, and the setting here, on a good day without crime, to be like heaven with all its people. But in the last 11+ years, there‚something very wrong with the general mindset. -",

"-It doesn‚t seem like the common man is ‚awake‚-May sound like something from The Matrix. Everyone here is so plugged in and lacking in insight. I mean of all people, it was Americans that allowed this situation to fall on another American. -",

"-Rather than following your heart, your human spirit, you mindlessly/mechanically do what some...people?! ... tell you to do. Christ talks about the flesh and spirit being at war. But here, in America, the country lacks a soul.  The nation‚people lack maturity.-",

"- but in the face of big progress like the aforementioned, why halt or delay change, because of a  sudden concern how billion dollar companies will suffer. When two competing small businesses on the same street result in one failing, that same concern doesn't exist. -",

"-It's seen as the price of advancement and change.",

I once said we as a people always have what we need 2 progress or2 rise out of a situation however little/however much. It's about keeping our eyes open & exerting effort. I have the Alexia meditation seat. 4 the life of me I can't sit w/my legs folded. This $300 chair helps.-   https://t.co/q0wKoYyslj

"- its a bit of a relaxed example, but point being, if you can sit with comfortably with your legs folded, why do you need the meditation chair?",

"I don‚t think people get the value of someone‚undivided attention; their ability to listen.-",

"- sometimes with our own children, we dismiss everything as something inane or silly or not worth putting on the top of our list, as we‚re juggling work or making them dinner-",

"- but one thing I realized with some of my little cousins, looking at them, listening and responding to what they have to say, really makes them happy-",

"- in the workplace, you might be surprised how much of what‚said back and forth isn‚t of substance. You start off with one person speaking vaguely, then the next guy responds vaguely, might throw in a vague American reference-",

"- with politicians, I‚ve seen a clip where someone is asked something, and they‚re so out of it, they‚ll need to hear it again, and then they just keep repeating a reference that had no meaning and it‚taken as a joke. In our world, everyone just dismisses it.-",

"- Listening can have mutual benefits.",

"So, saw \"Jason Gordon Levitt\" on the news, after the repetitive topics of rigged elections, the name Hunter Biden, a symptom being live from a possible illness, the war on Ukraine causing grain shortages...there might've been one more topic that was cycled throughout the day...-",

"- Jason Gordon Levitt targets the AI effect on Hollywood workers...He says \"If AI uses your work, then you should get paid.\" I think that sums it up from which a lot of things can be extrapolated. -",

"- He says whatever is used to train the algorithm, ultimately one day producing whole movies, should be content that is paid to its source. -",

"-So this sounds like a patent. If ur sequence of camera movements, lightening techniques, wardrobe styles, acting styles, even faces of actors, the story lines of past movies, familiar phrases, accents, etc. are all used 4 the algorithm, U should patent it or do its equivalent.-",

"-if equivalent of a patent is applied 2 things AI replaces, U should find a way 2 attach ur individual or organizations name 2 something, so that U get royalty payments. Just seems like common sense; those who contributed 2 AI's algorithm, directly/indrectly, should be rewarded.",

"Life is like a field and we are all seeds in that field trying to sprout grow and become something. Why it rains in some areas more than others who knows.-",

"-Why it doesn't rain in some areas at all who knows. Why the earth under some seeds is more fertile.. who knows. Everyone has something and nothing going for them.-",

"-As a friend once said, ‚I‚m thankful for the things that I have but also the things I don‚t have. It‚what makes me, me.‚-",

"-Don‚t waste time hating someone for what you perceive as them having and not having because whatever it is you have/don‚t have are the tools you need to sprout grow and become something. After all, ¬†seeds do not waste time wondering what other seeds are doing.",

"I used to like to write very much. I loved twitter because it gave me a way to connect to new people and gain attention for my philosophical and perspective oriented mind. -",

"-How then can I continue to see here, as heaven-like. ive in each second, be conscious of what you do, follow your heart.Some of you hear this or something else, and look to it because it‚‚nice sounding‚ or ‚tantalizing‚ based on the subject. -",

"-But I speak/write to instill it‚meaning, to make a point, for others to learn from. Wake up, live a life of meaning.-",

"-Don‚t do things ‚for show‚ as ‚this situation‚ relays everything ‚for show.‚ Do things cuz it‚right or cuz it matters. Me? From all this? I just want a natural setting as described several times. -",

"-Relaying accomplishments, possible purchases, or whatever, has nothing to do with the goal set by me. It just builds random hype around a regular guy. -",

"-The orchestrators go against my whole way of doing things. Im a liberal when it comes to religion, but I go by whats said Biblically with respect to this. Do things good, do things in secret, to please your Heavenly Father who sees what‚secret, and He will reward you. -",

"-The orchestrators just can‚t respect my faith and wishes.",

"and something that happened the other day...-",

"-Went down to my basement - the other day-to do one thing, ended up doing 10 different things roaming through the mind, for other things present in life-",

"-I mean I have a focus now: Working, and working out. Based on those 2 goals, normally I‚d ignore other thoughts/ideas to possibly 10 other goals you didn‚t consider‚Äîhence how a person focuses. -",

"-(And then there are the thoughts/ideas/whatever cluttering ur mind b/c of orchestrators & the daily problems created & sourced in them, that is also taxing on ur focus-too much upstairs-& thats when every1‚having U explain every word, every action- peace of mind is priceless.-",

"-at Iona Prep High School, my GPA, weighted, was a 4.2 out of 4.0...at the party school where my parents paid for a private appointment and food delivery, having to only study, I should‚ve had at least a 4.0 GPA. -",

"-Knowing what theyve invested in me, I don‚t know why my parents are allowing this 2 happen 2 their son for 11 years. For 11 years, my mother has shown me a worse attitude then usual, minus loving listening or conversation or empathy...this is my world, but back to the point..)-",

"-But then when you‚re in a problem multiplied by a worsening factor against you by 11 years, you think to show other aspects of you. Attending to ‚the thing‚, ‚ the situation‚,‚the unknown‚ is time consuming and expensive. -",

"-Be it writing away your life or buying your coffee to meet people you‚re pretty sure will not talk to you. Truth be told, times 11 years, \"the situation\" and ur life in it, is all unrewarding. -",

"-Fills the mind with too many things to do...I mean when you do stuff, you orient your focus accordingly. But with the unknown and its variables, too many things demanding of your focus.",

"on a related note, but also transitioning to normal tweets  for the day-",

"-Clear and settle your mind, you slowly but surely, make progress in getting things done, and ultimately get things done...writing such things down can provide a release in normal situations, where everything‚not relayed-like in the Harry Potter series,-",

"-Dumbledore uses what‚called a ‚Pensieve‚ (a bowl of water where thoughts can be transferred to, until needed, or desired, for whatever be the purpose, ultimately clearing the mind...-",

"-I remember writing that in my first Twitter or the first time I had Twitter, with 16000 followers+...life repeats when no solutions...say the same old things cuz no one listens or likes to follow or hold onto tantalizing cr*p instead...-",

"on another note, talked to someone the other day and he suggested not to overdo something else...he‚cool, but it makes you wonder in these situations while something else is going on...is it a natural assumption or the result of a picture put in his head by someone else?!-",

"-(to the orchestrators, I‚m as good as a I say I am i.e. I take on and handle multiple kinds of sh*t)...really affects how one sees things I.e. this nonsense...-",

"-I mean, was talking to this hot girl for months a few years back and couldn‚t help but wonder if the correspondence was ‚for real‚ or because it was for entertainment...for whatever reason, she never disclosed the truth about \"the situation\" either...",

"so a thought on education...Education is not just math and science. It‚about being a thoughtful, well rounded individual. &the beauty of it is, you don‚t need a degree for that. Life experience, insight, or something else could do it too. Seeing it as anything less is ur ego.-",

"-2try 2achieve status of \"educated\", &then constantly be put in midst of those who are uneducated or who act as such can be frustrating..gotta expand the world..could lead 2meaningful conversations..rather than mechanical/uninterpreted literal understandings/talks of the Bible.-",

"-the orchestrators, in their childish way of doing things come off as uneducated. may have big degrees to use this kind of tech...but once again, it goes to show \"educated\" is not just about degrees, its how you use knowledge/experience.",

"more normal tweets in addition to the previous...-",

When you need a dual or triple monitor setup on the go or say studying/working at a coffee shop:Try the Mobile Pixels Trio monitor:  https://t.co/c92TPQ0uU2

Want to keep your coffee drinks oh warm for an extended amount of time? Try the ‚Ember mug‚ on Amazon...  https://t.co/RZmZifRT7k

"If u drinkTea, some teas require u 2 boil water&let teaBags sit 4at least 3min. But 4freshly brewed coffee or tea, it takes a while 4the beverage 2be only drinkably warm. Like 20 minutes 2 half anHour. I didn‚t want 2wait, so I thought Id give ‚HyperChiller‚ a try. $25 on Amazon.",

"So, I incorporated orangeJuice in2 my mornings, &thought Id invest in something w/comparably less sugar. Found Trop50 from Tropicana. Normal orange juice has 20+ grams of sugar. Trop50? 10 grams. Sucky part is that the Trop50 containers aren‚t as big as their biggest containers.-",

"-Trop50 tastes just as good as the original recipe...you wonder why they got to sell a version with extra sugar that has no added benefit...",

"If you‚re typing something in the Notes app, or I guess wherever on your iPhone, did you know, to undo typing, you just have to shake your iPhone up and down a few times?",

"If you have the AirPods Max headphones, did you know you cannot turn them off with a button? To conserve battery life and put them in standby, you gotta out them in the small case that it comes with.",

June 2nd early morning tweets right side up on tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/Jvx1ULBOt2

"June 3rd tweets...as follows...-",

"-You know something, I mentioned how I like the name Rachel and once ‚knew of‚(not know) a girl named Rachel.I remember being in one of the reading rooms in the library at Binghamton, during my last year there. -",

"-Before I figured this girl was going out with someone, random girls would shout the name ‚Rachel‚ in the quiet of the reading room- alluding to my interest reaching an audience-",

"-...but in hindsight, why shout the name...was i to react to it in someway? Or was it because this cr*p started a little earlier?! I mean, what?, shout the name and see how I react? On ‚what ‚Äòlevel?‚‚ This girl would always post a profile pic with two of her best friends.-",

"-On one occasion, I told a guy I was interested in this girl. One of her best friends was sitting a distance away, diagonally, at another table, in the food court. I‚ve always wondered if this girl had super sonic hearing...-",

"-or is something relaying what I‚m saying...the very next day, after my conversation,-",

"-I go to the coffee kiosk in the library and there are girls acting differently...when the girl dates a mechanical engineering major, after Easter or spring break, I go through the dining hall and there are random girls with the look, ‚lol you lost ur chance‚...-",

"-then when I‚m at the Starbucks up in Binghamton, there‚another best friend taking a picture of me through the glass window of the starbucks. Was that to show her friend that I‚m not bothered about anything or because they were feeding into a medium? It could be-",

"-the medium as there were other kids with cameras...I think I remember telling my own friends about it. When I wrote about the girl on Facebook in Albany, a friend from a part time job in Binghamton messaged me on Facebook saying it‚a bad idea. -",

"-I guess I forgot 2remove him before writing was intended. But the thing with this is, in my calculus class in Albany, there was white male - little older than the rest- on 1day, who seemed enthusiastic to talk to me. Post writing on Facebook, he looked serious and ignoring me.-",

"-How could all of these social or environmental reactions happen within a day?! While I was in freedom apartments in Albany, there was what sounded like these slight male/female voices for a brief time while I was only there. Were those my roommates or...-",

"-questions questions, is cr*p American psychology waiting for something like this as part of their ridiculous methodology for some sissy American girl treatment? Trust me, in saying that I‚m not advertising myself as ‚gangsta.‚ What do you think of me? -",

"-You see a soft angle to a multi angle personality and think I‚m going to sensitively handle or cannot handle everything? What is my focus, and who is my audience?- remember that from the complaint form writing?! Am I not repeating everything from 11 years ago?-",

"-Compared 2habits now like buying sh*t, back then I was working out &swimming @ the local YMCA. So what is this cr*p about?! When I went to the FBI office in Bethlehem, NY , before the agent I spoke with, spoke to me, him &a woman on the upper floor of that area had these looks -",

"-on their faces like why is ‚he‚ here... when I wrote on a complaint form he suggested-probably as part of the f*kin country‚conspiracy to get me to write all day everyday- about certain kids, they walk past me, enraged, the next day. -",

"-When I went to guilderland police department in the middle of the night, there was an officer behind a computer screen and an female officer talking to me. After talking to me partially, the female officer goes to the guy at the computer and I hear ‚what! You means it‚true?!‚-",

"-Then she returns and tells me that what I‚m saying is nothing. This much denying and getting people to follow instructions. I tell people to do something good with their lives, for themselves, they won‚t do it. But you manage the world to be fake around me!-",

"-How is that, why is that? Remember you racist f*, in the end of this, one of us will be ruined. Whites and blacks, see your country in all its glory.",

"now in shifting the mood, focus...moving onto the next thing...",

"so a thought on relationships...-",

"-I believe before meeting a woman to be your girl friend or wife, having a career or at least a promising academic career, is essential. I means it‚different if ur just friends. When I first started college with my first major of engineering, it wasn‚t going well. -",

"-In trying 2also have a good routine/schedule/full life, I still made time 4working out, part time jobs, &a girl friend. But as engineering went south, despite the great girl friend (she would walk from her off campus apartment to the campus library to study with me at 6 am),-",

"-I didn‚t feel comfortable being in a relationship or asking someone out, when priority wise, my academic career was on the line. I want to have a life like my friend Sean and his wife. -",

"- Both of them have degrees, both of them are lawyers, both of them have each other‚back in all aspects-what a quality life you can build like that. They were best friends when we were all in college-What a privilege. -",

"-In my opinion, a career or academic career is essential 2a relationship, because when, in whatever regard, things get serious, u have a way of supporting each other or a potential way of supporting each other. When married or in a relationship, I want 2be an asset 2my partner, -",

"-I want 2make her day, and I want her to make mine. Even with the concept of flings, a career or academic career is essential. I mean regarding that, I feel Im from a different time. Amongst present college kids and that age group, things seem to be liberal and ok being liberal.-",

"-I mean, I went 2college in 2006 when Facebook 1st started- from a different time. When I‚d interact with kids as a Residential Consultant ( label for IT Support part time jobs for college dorms) while living in the dorms in 2007 and 2008, I noticed every year, students change-",

"- in personalities. I think 2006 freshman were the last of an era, at least at Binghamton. I went to schools in the 90s where they tell you to act responsibly and be mindful of the consequences of your actions in a relationship and elsewhere- different time.-",

"-When I transferred to the party school, maybe my peers of the time thought I‚m a freshman or that I‚m a teenager. But I was in my very early 20s. I grew up with a private education and transferred to a state school- a different sub culture. -",

"- I was in grade school when Britney Spears came out with ‚Oops I did it again,‚ the age of the Spice Girls, and the maca rana (the dance, if that‚how it‚spelled). If a fling goes south, with no career or academic career, how do you take care of things?...-",

"-I mean in most cases, not the kinda thing you‚d ideally want to go to your parents about. In the time I grew up, having a lot of girl friends or flings put women off. It ruins ur chances of meeting that dream girl for the future. -",

"-But nowadays, I think people think or are taught differently or are set one way by their friends. Honestly, I don‚t know what to make of things anymore -  not in a good way or a bad way. -",

"-I think women as a whole have changed. U always hear guys are after only 1 thing, but there was 1 girl I liked, who I wasn‚t sure liked me, there were some interactions like we became Facebook friends, then all of a sudden she deletes me without cause &goes a step further to -",

"-block me- a little extreme. You get curious and manage to see the profile pic of her under the covers with the lead guy in a band. To make someone jealous? Or wanting to fulfill a - I guess - a girls dream of being with a guy in a band?..-",

"-no offense to him, but I don‚t think on my worst day, I‚d lose a girl to him, but whatever. Even compared to her, or in general, I don‚t get how girls pick guys. -",

"-Point being women can be strange and have changed over time. On that note, I think it happened in April. In Binghamton, it was a time for spring dances at the school, and I couldn‚t help but think, amidst her friends, -",

"-this girl would wanted to take part in something like that or might feel left out. There was a time I‚d see her going up the stairs to the dorm as I‚d go down, and she was carrying a red suitcase with I think wheels and a handle. -",

"-Might remember it wrong. I thought maybe she has a strict family and they make her go home on the weekends in the beginning and she just wants to live her life to the fullest, like in what she may feel her friends are doing. -",

"-While I‚m a solo act since the first grade despite passing friends and the interest of others(due to the story that comes after this whole thought/section), she needs friends and clearly gets supportive friends..I mean I could be reading into the whole thing...-",

"-but that was my impression...when her mother (or I think it was cuz it‚different from the pictures online) came to pick her up at the end of the school year, I kind of waved goodbye to her, and as they were driving, they paused for a moment, and I couldn‚t help but wonder if-",

"-her mother wasn‚t asking her about the boy that waved at her. My school wasn‚t going well and I couldn‚t dance. I was hoping she would find someone, but letting go of an interest for responsibility is a sacrifice that requires effort.-",

"-I mean you wait for a combination of characteristics and the universe delivers at the most inconvenient time. When I‚d go to Church around that time, out of my interest and resulting thoughts for the girl, I‚d pray she‚d find someone good for her.-",

"-Kind of feel like doing stuff like that as part of the aforementioned effort a sentence or two ago. If there was anything to be angry about, it was the psychotic after effect. She gets the guy and randomness follows for me.-",

"-In order to be away from familial and cultural obligations on a level beyond college, I need a career, and for that I need a good degree, all so that I can live and experience life to the fullest. I couldn‚t help but feel there were those who‚d read into my actions. -",

"-All that said, pull something like that while dating me, I‚m Not so well wishing or understanding, or forgiving that is if it happened to a couple dating. -",

"-My whole life of going to catholic schools and all boys high school, I aimed for the dream of making the prettiest woman my best friend in college and marrying her.-",

"-Then this present day 11+ year ‚situation‚ happened, messing up my academics, limiting my career options, keeping women as a whole away from me...I mean, such was my dream, as mentioned, as a kid and in my teenage years and 20s. -",

"-Now I‚m in my very early 30s and my dream about a woman seems to carry no value or effect. The dream just seemed like a waste of time (although no dream, especially marrying a best friend should be) cuz life itself went out of its way to go upside down for me. -",

"-I mean in hindsight, you wonder, did you have high morals, think too much, or are you in fact right that the rest of the world didn‚t think enough or think things through. I mean, in all humility, 11+ years ago, I was a pretty decent looking guy...-",

"-.if nothing else, I had the thickest of hair and it was long...at that time, I had so many female prospects but stayed focused on my dream...-",

"-here I am 11+ years later, bald, losing muscle and gaining weight from inflicted lifestyles by the orchestrators, tired, and having the world on one team or one side while I‚m on another.-",

"-It makes you think about morals, right and wrong, and a bunch of things like that, as ur left alone and bored out of ur mind, feeling like in a pretty jail cell‚bed, for all these years. -",

"-I think right & wrong, boils down 2 whats right ‚for an individual,‚ at a particular point in their life. In life, there are rules, religion, traditions, cultures...but ur job as a person is 2 live in each second, making both smart & wise decisions, as appropriate 4 ur life, -",

"-without caring about what others think. Don‚t model your life on anyone, but your goals and dreams.Going back to the main point, Time and opportunities were stolen from me, and here I am today, in a different world, with the dream squashed.",

"Regarding something mentioned in the previous section/thought/set of tweets, here's a tale from the past:-",

"-You wanna know how long my dream of marrying my best friend dates back? Here‚a story. Although born and brought up here, when I was in pre-k, I didn‚t speak that much English, because I spent time with my paternal grandmother mostly. -",

"-She would speak to me in our Indian dialect, and with my parents being Indian immigrants, she was of the belief, ‚why does their son need to learn English?‚ In pre-K, there was an Indian girl that I  friended and spent all of my time with. -",

"-Our parents friended each other and carpooled and we went over each other‚houses and birthday parties. While she gathered together in a circle with her girl friends, I‚d hover around her.-",

"-In the same way, I expect potential girl friends and my wife to teach me how to dance, my kindergarten friend would teach me how to bike ride and roller blade. She was my courage. -",

"-When we were in kindergarten, if she was absent from school, I would run away from school. I managed, on one such occasion, to escape my kindergarten teacher‚notice, and ran for home, as the school was 5 min away from my old house near central ave in Yonkers.-",

"-My dad was walking home and caught sight of me, and I forget if he took me back to school or took me home with him. When I graduated from that school, the kindergarten teacher was sure to write about that in my year book. That was my relationship with this girl. -",

"-Then, as first grade approached, her father, a doctor, had a job transfer far away. She was going to leave me. It was something I had to accept about my first friend as first grade approached.-",

"-But at that time, I decided I would find a replacement to be my best friend, and marry her. That‚the origin of the dream the orchestrators squashed.",

"and now, normal tweets...-",

"Was listening 2\"All 10's\" playlist on Spotify the other day. Heard this girly song called Shower, by an artist w/a very girly name of \"BeckyG\"..Despite transitioning from Memories-Kid Cudi/David Guetta-I couldn't help but think ofMyself dancing w/a potential daughter 2that song.",

"Bad Blood music video from Taylor Swift...with all those Wonder Woman like women in the video, makes a guy wish he was taller to be with them...",

"I heard on the news that you should wash you hands with soap for 30 seconds after touching money, as cash and coins have been handled by who-knows-how-many-people-doing-whatever... I wonder if anyone else does it...kind of a pain, and more incentive to use the card...-",

"-especially if you get rewards for using it or get benefits...",

"How do eat your yogurt? When I eat my cup of Greek yogurt, with one lick off the spoon-without too much tongue exposure-I consume my yogurt. I mean, I eat it kind of like a chocolate soft cone from Carvel, not like cereal.",

"Yeah life is a journey...awaiting my destination, as I‚ve been traveling for 11+ years...",

"Why isn‚t there a Wegmans in Yonkers/Bronxville?! You can still shop there through InstaCart App...you get some exotic stuff like Japanese energizing cold green tea in a can...",

June 3rd tweets...wondering thoughts relationships past normal tweets...all right side up on tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/absWu0Ti8Z

"June 4th tweets...onwards...",

"Can‚t emphasize this enough...I don‚t know the alleged group of kids, the girl, or any of the other orchestrators...that being said, if it‚not directly from me, probably not true. To state the obvious, how do you know as much as you do, about your best friend?-",

"-Through interacting with them directly. Who else would know things better than the two people involved? I think the stalkerish kids of the past or orchestrators figured out that I just wanted to study IN ‚college.‚ I mean there‚my stalked habits, my writings. -",

"-I think I‚m pretty clear. I think some wanted to pose a hindrance to studying. Don‚t quote me on this, but I think I was broadcasted as not liking noise. Why? To get the randomly hateful following to make noise. Always from afar, and never understood the reason for the spite.-",

"-Probably the reasoning behind getting me to hear sounds in the house. A group of kids empowered, perpetuated by established individuals of a school. Then the continual teaming up against me as a school, a city, a country...the massive game is a hate crime...",

"moving on...-",

"- for a while, you think all of this is one angry girl...but why? how is she mind controlling or getting people across places to do her bidding? I mean the no studying, tons of noise, wanting you to cry, all girls not talking to you, boy and girls making out in front of you...-",

"- this whole thing about friends...i mean if someone's my friend, cool, but if not, i'm not on any initiative to make the world my friend, as this program/\"situation\" puts out...because they attract attention, i gotta tell people things like the obvious amidst rumors...-",

"- and another thing...be it the girl, kids, the school, is it because i complained about you that you're having me write away my life for 11+ years? Satisfied? I mean all of this seems much. When the party school got involved, a man with the last name \"Berg\", said, so that I can-",

"- hear, \"oh we went the wrong direction. we were helping them?! but you can't talk to him about it cuz one of the school VP's forbade you from speaking to faculty at the school about your \"situation.\" This was a professor speaking. So was there a girl? Kids? Are the professors-",

"- going crazy and acting on your suspicions of kids? Was there a girl/kids? Are the professors actually talking to these kids, making the kid's situation worse, and realizing they have to legitimize their actions of inadvertently furthering the kids agenda of ruining me?-",

"- i mean WTF?! why are these people against me and screwing with the people of a person's world? I MEAN YOUR ENTIRE WORLD! Regarding the professors, I would sit in their faculty area and study. Never caused any problem. Why are they talking 2strange kids?! If the have the nerve-",

"- of saying so you can hear that they went the wrong direction, why can't they listen to your request of making things \"natural?\" or back to the way things were, before these kids?!",

"next thing...",

"-I wonder...would anyone be jealous or envious of my position in all this? If that‚the case, ur not being told the whole story. The orchestrators don‚t tell you what they do to me out of fearing the crowds. -",

"-I‚m pretty sure a filtered version of my writing-in favor of the orchestrators-is what‚being passed around. Back with my 2012 twitter and now, I never could understand why anyone would feel anything negative, as a reaction. Regarding money and opportunity in this, in 2012, -",

"-for the school and the upstate city of Albany teaming up on one side against me and then causing chaos on the day of final exams in 2012, I was going to sue them for my tuition money. -",

"-When being u, u think of the people in the apartment area or the surrounding city, u figure, despite instruction following, they don‚t know any better,and on some unknown premise, they think they‚re ‚helping‚ by never talking 2 u. So how can you be mad at an entire city then?-",

"-You then think, to confront this, you gotta hold the source accountable, for misleading all these links in the chain. Despite the world turning Upside down, my beef/squabble/whatever, is with the ones in charge for screwing me and putting this sin on everyone‚heads. -",

"-This too, I wrote in my hacked and possibly relayed police complaint. -",

"-I remember, coming back from the party school, I started submitting my tale through a series of character limited crime tips, kind of like my series of backward tweets. -",

"-As I‚d write in the crime tips in my old house, traffic on my street would increase with suspicious looking youth, as it coincided. Years later, I remember when I was at my allergist, I told a saint of an Irish woman of a nurse a tale about emails I sent a girl. -",

"-No offense to them,  but I think they were talking to someone over what I told her. Not even she could tell me what was actually happening. Good people do this too. It overloads the brain, and everything you figure. becomes fair game.-",

"-That‚just it, it‚a game. You think it‚fun. America is all about fun, not compassion. Life in general is not like, say India,especially now. Here life continues, people wear masks, get vaccinated. There life came to a pause and people die left and right.-",

"-You as a people take part in this nonsense, cuz in one or more regards, ur life is perfect, otherwise why not see the whole thing as bull sh*t?-",

"-For the second chance at a college with a new major, I told my parents Id take a loan, & they volunteered a private apartment and delivery of food, so that I could study in peace. 50 grand & making everything natural was my goal or what I sought from the, then, orchestrators,-",

"-to overcome my wasted school tuition loan. Admission into a solid business school was what I requested. It never amazes me, that despite me explicitly saying what I‚m after and experiencing, you continue this illegal activity. -",

"-After 11 years, perhaps the orchestrators realize 50 grand and restoration to natural, was pretty reasonable. Now it will be much more, for placing someone else‚interests over a student‚mental, physical, and academic well being.-",

"-The money and opportunity I‚m seeking? From lawsuits and easy to win. Opportunities? I‚ll start domestic and international businesses. -",

"-Wait till they tell you everything. I think the word for someone, who just does, whatever another says, in slang, is ‚tool.‚ Are you a ‚tool?‚ Leader or follower? How are you living/showing that? I think some of you enjoy the power over another individual.-",

"-Some of you like having me in the wrong. It could be due to whatever bias. But for your overall happiness and satisfaction and mine, you got something to say to me, be direct.-",

"-Doing something from afar or concealing ur true misplaced negativity, elevates me, because in comparison, you have no b*lls. You know how Ive been living for 11+ years? Assuming the worst. -",

"-I feel, in this case:‚Pessimism is the road to take, in order to obtain the fruits of optimism, in one‚reality.I assume, I‚m relayed in any/all shape or form all day/everyday, that everyone‚in the know about just about-",

"-everything. I say ‚just about,‚ because I don‚t think the orchestrators tell you about my run in with the police, or what they had done to me during my time away from work. Compliance? You practice it for 11+ years. But, be sure I‚m grinding the axe.-",

"-No surprises, no disappointments in the end, due to the aforementioned pessimistic route.. Just actions to take. You know what the sounds do when I write sh*t like this... they play a ‚oh really I can take it sound...‚ we‚ll see. -",

"-You screwing with me like this, regarding the people of the world, it indicates you intend to conceal the truth. Like I keep saying, in me understanding this, one of us between the orchestrators and me, is guaranteed to be ruined.-",

"-If you, the orchestrator or follower, feel any thing negative toward me, why would you want to elevate me, in any regard? Interactions with me should be direct. I‚m all ears, and otherwise ready, with 11+ years and mankind‚betrayal fueling me. -",

"-I may not be as strong as before, but I go into things, having lost it all, nothing to gain, and With 100% of me. ith what I believed to be the FBI leaving me to rot, the local police not helping, my school not helping, the school‚VP and Conflict Resolution not helping, -",

"-and me not being consulted about this cr*p about people acting oddly, I used to carry a baseball bat in my car, if any of these instruction following idiots took things too far. My father, in denying anything‚going on, hid it, years ago.-",

"-You come at me with cr*p, it will be reciprocated, win, lose, big, small, whatever...a shove, a kick, end of day, is a shove and a kick...so long as I get a scratch in, I can rest peacefully. -",

"-Now if that bothers any of you, does it even make sense for you to be bothered when ur taking the initiative to bother someone, who wants you to take no extra effort, and leave things natural and possibly even a little MYOB: mind ur own business?-",

"-In hindsight, seeing these idiot skinny little freshman at this party school, thinking they‚re doing something for you and you should worship them for it, when they‚re actually turning things upside down for the orchestrators: It compounds: they‚re kids, old people, -",

"-they‚re idiots, they‚re stupid, don‚t know any better, being manipulated...then they follow the random instructions, some even mocking you like they have power over you...you wait till they go that extra mile against you and beat the cr*p out of them.. -",

"-But it never came 2 that. I mean u can only push a person so far..u talk, write, 11 years, illegal things happen, the law doesn‚t protect u, u find ur on ur own, &thinking, grow a pair &come at me. In the end who‚fault will it be? Mine? 4 being abused &lied to for 11 years?-",

"-In every endeavor, from having to walk barefoot when the police came, to what was done to me while away from work, February to May...I was compliant throughout everything...in the end pointless. No mistakes on my part.-",

"Moving on from irritation,-",

"-This whole thing, 11+ years and all? For a while, I kept thinking, all of this is the girl network of a girl I ‚knew of.‚ -",

"-What Im calling the ‚girl network‚ is a network of women friends spreading &sharing things thru cell phones &texts &maybe even word of mouth, (If shes not involved in anyway, its not fair 2her, 2give her spotlight,when all of thisNonsense should not have been publicly relayed.)-",

"-Then this ‚1day magic‚ or results!- never really did make sense. But the interesting thing is, it would seem the orchestrators talk 2a group that has their own intentions &doesn‚t know me. I feel like everyone is acting like this girl, in her indirect means, from long ago.-",

"-Was ‚not being direct with me‚ broadcasted as the ‚way to go with me? It‚like everything from one time period just continued for all ages. One group, whoever they are, brings in their cr*p, to ‚legitimize what I did not want, by making everyone else do it.‚ -",

"-I‚m all about being direct, and natural. And then, there‚the school. Trying to legitimize what transpired at their school, with the instilling of instructions beyond the city of their school, and into my hometown of Yonkers. -",

"-They brought this nonsense to the country of my background in India. WRT Indian women, while women as a whole do not talk to me at this moment in time because the orchestrators tell them, (and while I‚m open to all women and men )for friendships and whatever , -",

"-some Indian women passing by,seemed angry when I was talking 2my friend, Nicole, or playing cards withHer. Thru this indirect anger, am I supposed 2understand this? Do any of u realize, this is all against myWill &what I know is thru my own brain processing &remembering things?-",

"-The orchestrators, this program, \"this situation\" perpetuates nonsense of the past, by having me talk about things over and over, through screwing with the natural setting of my environment, where people are susceptible to following the orchestrator's instructions...-",

"-If theyre broadcasting me as dropDeadGorgeous, I accept what Im today &what Im not. Stick with(w/) the present, what u learn from a direct interaction w/me, being direct w/me, -",

"-being natural w/me (coming 2 think or act based on what u experience upon seeing me, &/or from whats directly from me.)",

"On a separate note/section-food for thought: -",

"The orchestrators, or these kids, or possibly a girl from long ago-I dunno...I don‚t understand this hold you have over all these people. How do you get someone to do something because you want them to?-",

"-I may be in the mind cr*p, buts it‚the people of my world who do something because someone wants them to. When I give insight upon doing something that‚right for you, right for your life, without caring about what others-",

"-think, or about cultures and traditions, you won‚t adhere to it or take it seriously. You probably pass over it as ‚nice sounding.‚Someone says to make a face or something, you do it. I mean it‚like asking someone to bend over and you doing it. -",

"-Why? But clearly all of you, are you, and I‚m singled out as me.",

"and now, normal tweets: -",

"I feel law enforcement should place compassion over the their indulgence of authority over others...",

"Lamb gyros with tzatziki sauce from local Greek restaurant or a Greek rack of lamb...epic...",

"Sodastream is a great way to make your own soda. It‚healthy and tasty and sugar free. You just add these strawberry like ,blackberry like, watermelon like , pineapple like,  etc. flavors...a good water substitute...",

"i saw a girl propose to a guy on facebook...i cannot imagine a girl even asking a guy out, let alone, proposing...such is real life vs. the TEXT...",

"-Being an American should be a privileged label requiring compassion and the Golden Rule. You‚re not just anyone, you are an American. Rise to the occasion, rather than indulging and being plugged into the Matrix of your world. Expand ur mind, gain insight. -",

"-These people involved in this should be ashamed to call themselves Americans. Would you allow this on ur kid or loved on?",

"Wipex Fitness Equipment Wipes - easy way to wipe down sweat from exercise machines in your home, that you finished using...",

"Heard of calm app, headspace app? try yoga international dot com or art of living courses...",

"The party school hacking my police complaint & telling students involved &students theyre talking to,that theyre in the complaint, increases the random vendetta of these kids, & gives them an incentive to mess up &control ur world..serious mishandling bySchool acting asPolice...",

"- now the professors, kids, or whoever the orchestrators are, are trying to save their a*ses from the content of the complaints, by legitimizing their past actions, through having the world take part, and making things about making a point with hacking people, computers, etc.",

Link to all tumblr blog posts:  https://t.co/SC6YkTDyr5

Early morning tweets from June 4th before 6:30 AM - all right side up on tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/6kDiXgqllQ

"so despite me saying to \"act natural\" hundreds of times over these 11+years and recently, people prefer to take the effort, and waste the energy, to do what the orchestrators say, and act in a manner that suits the \"project/program/situation.\"-",

"-acting natural requires nothing from U. Just be U; don't hide that this \"situation\" for 11+ years occurred; and go by what comes to mind when U see me, or by a direct conversation/interaction. Simple. You can stop wasting your time on this pointless endeavor to pervert my life.-",

"-if that's too hard, go F*k urself. 11+ years of saying it? - I think is enough.",

"moving on...normal tweets...-",

"Bronxville Pondfield Road has several stores on both sides of the street. From outside, nice looking buildings, and you suspect the insides are about quality stuff. But the parking situation is ridiculous. To shop and spend money, U have to spend money on parking at the meters-",

"- &theres only like 20 meter parking spaces 4all these stores. Shouldn't the landlords or whoever contemplate the business that these stores are losing from lack of parking? -",

"-U drive all the way there, find out no parking...what do U do? Drive in circles until some1 vacates their meter parking space? What a waste of time...someone should do something for such a busy area...",

Try drinks from Rebbl...they can be coffee substitutes...you can get them at ShopRite but Wegmans has more variety in that brand...They're pretty expensive but I hope if more people buy them or see their value eventually the price will go down...  https://t.co/p6P78klaiQ

"I miss the days when Starbucks had an online store. Could have fresh coffee beans delivered to your residence...now you gotta go all the way to the store...-wait...did i tweet that already? if so, sorry for the repeat...",

"If you have an Alexa device, search the ‚Echo Wall Clock‚ on Amazon. It sets itself, especially when daylight savings time.",

"Have a ‚Hey Google‚ device? Try the ‚Philips Hue‚ smart bulb and multicolor smart bulb. The multicolor one provides different colors to the room on a ‚Hey Google‚ command. Search Amazon...",

"Im not sure if the orchestrators areTrying 2get me 2buy stuff or not, buts its like, from boxers to undershirts to socks to fleeces to shirts-theyve all goneMissing. I mean I know I had a ton of theseThings, when they all randomlyDisappear from ur laundry, U justThink, now what?!",

"so heard about the Blum Center and gave advice on healthier living...while their products are expensive, you learn about the benefits of all sort of stuff, even simple things like chia seeds and fiber and how they can keep you full and aid with morning bathroom rituals...-",

- from talk in previous tweet this is the Blum Center's link:  https://t.co/rRGIdABUjo

John Douillard and his LifeSpa in Colorado (offering Skype meetings) can also aid with better lifestyles and healthier living. It's rooted in Ayurveda and Yoga and Meditation. Check out their site:  https://t.co/JcihC62Llk

"Nothing like 90s music on Spotify...with the exception of their 2010s playlist for hits, Spotify is an indicator to me that music has gone downhill...",

"There‚something very attractive to me about a bottle of coke vs. the can... it‚just...aesthetically pleasing and tasty...",

"so there's like 10-20 normal tweets below. twitter has the most recent tweet on top. scroll down for the starting tweet with today's date...My twitter handle is @RennyJi or you can not follow me on twitter and still read with the web link:twitter dot com slash rennyji",

"in addition to the morning normal tweets, a thought-",

"So from my old complaints to the police elaborating on the science of a situation, it turns out I left out something that became transparent to me recently: This concept of filters people see through or the figurative lenses on the glasses they wear. -",

"- but I remember things and something interesting was said on the news today. To start with the latter: \"If the grass was green before you went to bed, [and you found it covered in a white blanket of snow], one could surmise that it snowed while you were asleep.\"-",

"- that cause & effect relationship was what gave the insights 2 my situation ages ago. I gave a lot of detail. Despite all that I identified, b/c not 1 person showed me the content or told me who's doing it, I couldn't prove my situation and end a decade plus worth of an ordeal.-",

"- while I go 2 new places 4 a new beginning, or explore my talents on a social TEXT platform, there's someone or someones coming with their own agenda, distorting the natural end result and occurrences that result from my actions or the domino I pushed, for an intended pattern.-",

"- I remember when I first started twitter in 2011-2012, I didn't have much followers. Then one day someone tried to direct 20 fake followers my way. Probably incentive to get me to write. -",

"-when I went to the FBI in that timeframe, one of their agents asked me if I was crazy for the Internet crime that I presented to him. Before he came down, I could see his confusion in seeing me over something he knew about and I didn't.-",

"- they directed me to,what was at the time,an unlimited Internet complaint form: IC3 forms. Again seems like incentive 2 write. I go 2 work, trying 2 mix quantity w/quality, jumping from 1 completed thing 2 the next. They have me waste time explaining myself  w/words & writing.-",

"- I realize every facet of life in America wants to screw me into exposing my speech style, my writing style, for the purpose of understanding how I think. -",

"-Whereas David Hasslehoff (the Knight Rider) might have Adam Sandler fart on his face in the movie, \"Click,\" for, if nothing, money, that's not my style. -",

"-This phenomena has caused estranged relationships, a roadblock 2 living, a roadblock 2 prospering w/a career, earning what I should make...u have no idea how much hatred I have 4 this setting. But the mind controllers, sedate me & do their own form of sedation 2 make me docile.-",

"- what do the Americans mean by \"consciousness of guilt?\" Does it mean awareness of what they were doing? Does it mean awareness that you're doing something bad or of a crime nature? what about, then, the orchestrators of my situation? -",

"- Like others, I got out of school in my early to mid 20's to set forth on my life. To find someone to marry, to get a job, take care of my parents...-",

"-But instead, and I'm 35 now, I'm being just being used for cheap entertainment with everyone's help. You destroyed my life...where is the consciousness of guilt? To take out the years from your jail sentences, you prolong my situation, that too, with everyone's support.-",

"- you as a people think everything is your body. Indians and East Asians believe the soul transmigrates across bodies and lifetimes. You, Americans, think this all there is, and that the soul is the mind, and it stems from a developed mature mind. -",

"- the U come up w/ notions like \"consciousness of guilt.\" I'm not sure what to make of that. Are you saying that across a series of actions, you were aware what you were doing, or aware of what you're doing towards a particular goal? Aren't you always aware? Shouldn't you be?-",

"- my situation is in the process of being exploited to show one form of \"normal\" for every1 to accept to further large scale mind reading/mind control. -",

"-Ur led to believe by doctors & the orchestrators of this phenomena that letting urself go on \"autopilot\" is normal, whether it's driving or anything. Mindfulness is not a luxury, but a skill to employ on all occasions.-",

"- animals like dogs go on autopilot or w/their instincts. A dog is hungry, it eats. A human being, thru things like religion, learn 2 abstain, to refrain, to practice restraint. Of all the people in the world, Im condemned for not acting on random garbage thinking or impulse. -",

"- 'Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. ' Matthew 26:41Temptations are the various hungers of our body, like trying to get me to lash out on twitter.",

"- \"For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.\"Galations 5:17-",

"- this division creates a conscious state of mind. The happiness oriented Americans, forsaking culture and religion, for psychiatry, create and propel an animal like human.",

"-Years ago, I think there was something about me being a sweetheart and in need of friends( by a girl and her friends, a school, who cares, at this point)...ok...ummm..reality being, i see the concept of friends and relationships just like the next person: through fate, destiny,-",

"-or something as simple as bumping into someone repeatedly at a coffeeshop, you meet people.(Not by ‚the situation‚ discussing your whereabouts and timing.) To see me, through the lens that I‚m on some kind of endeavor to be an American icon, make everyone my -",

"-friend- well, that doesn‚t match my goals, interests or personalities. In all that I do being relayed (probably, I dunno), maybe from my Twitter, you heard from me about how I kept a girl in my prayers; -",

"-maybe you heard since my childhood best friend/girl friend moved away, I‚ve been on a lifelong quest for a replacement; maybe from the orchestrators you heard I can be loving to my sibling...-",

"-from the orchestrators, you see me as a, I guess, f* me, a sensitive caring male. From my stories, maybe you know my values. -",

"-But bear in mind, these are aspects or sides to a multifaceted personality, just like everyone else. Who I share the above sides or personas with, are my loved ones (family/friends). -",

"-So this raises the problem of who is my audience, when I or someone on my behalf, says things. I keep saying talk to me directly, because how I may be with you individually, may be different from a painting of my identity, for better or worse.-",

"-So two things thus far...what lens/ filter are you seeing me through? Next question, are you the intended audience?And all of this boils down to reputation. The concept of a person‚status in society, their reputation globally is something people work very hard for. -",

"-It is my intention to sue the orchestrators for soiling my reputation. Understanding this, they are of the belief, by relaying my life, a reputation will follow. But then the concept of audiences, filters, all rise again. -",

"-You*re making my reputation as America‚son/friend. Not interested, beyond the Golden Rule. 11 years of my life...hmmm...yeah I feel like the orchestrators are prostituting my life. -",

"-Im in a crazy situation. A 90 year old b*tch & her possibly lesbian passenger give me the OK to take a parking space. I go out to take it. She then stops me w/her car randomly, while the tool of a couple behind me shake their hands 4 me, to ignore the parking, and drive ahead.-",

"-I had my signal on, I was moving toward the space before all this happened ...you know, be it because of a ‚situation‚ or the filter this white woman sees ‚herself ‚through, she is not my boss, and her attitude on the road would only succumb to my attitude. -",

"-What does she think of herself? That disgusting nasty face she made. Does she see herself as superior? The nerve. All after she tells me to take the space, and then decides to take it herself. -",

"-The orchestrators tell family, friends, strangers to give me something to read into...it‚mind exploding because you expect me to take the bait and keep writing...I‚ve praised women in my speech and in my writing, over their beauty and value in a mans life. -",

"-Like today, at a stop sign, driving home or taking a short cut elsewhere, saw a gorgeous tan blonde smiling. Seeing someone like her, for herself, can brighten any mans day, like a day of sunlight. But it should naturally happen. -",

"-But that said, I‚ve shown a value, a side. For some, it‚an opportunity to overestimate ur self worth. I am not desperate, despite throwing myself across the table. -",

"-In this world, without sacrificing my dignity, from one extreme to another, I can arrange a marriage, or if it was about getting laid, pay someone. I aim to do things the right way. But then I see the 90 year old and idiot middle aged American women on the side of them -",

"-road involving themselves in this aforementioned parking attempt. Your rosy lives are ur rosy lives. I live in reality unlike whatever cloud You live on, while being a victim of abuse by the American orchestrators. So, Keep a check on ur attitudes in response in reading this.-",

"-Years ago, and now, I‚ll say it again to my surroundings, I am a practitioner of the Golden Rule. I respect those who respect me. Some of you, in your world of games, please go waste someone else‚time. An American icon? A paragraph ago, -",

"- I explained how I see friends, because of randomness being flung on me like sh*t out of a toilet, for the purpose of constantly explaining things. -",

"-I make myself available, when and where, to anyone who‚anyone. The orchestrators want to dictate who can glance at me or make me approachable. Childish nonsense. Not out to make myself any more approachable than I am.",

"- Now I need some kind hearted person to talk to me and tell me what's going on. That Im not out of my mind. If ur waiting for this cr*p to be over, none of you will ever see me. I mean, I'm after peace of mind, and when I needed you, in the way that I did, you were never there.-",

"-The orchestrators may tell you to so called \"support me\" by doing this/that...but that is not from me, may not even match the plan of the day. I honestly cannot make out what they're saying. -",

"- If I'm right about stuff, its through coincidence or me figuring things out on my own. From any of you, the community, All I'm asking is for you to be a true American at heart and do the hard thing of telling me what's going on. -",

"-Thats the only thing I ever needed. Ud be a lifelong friend&hero. After this, w/my lawsuitMoney, Ill be on some privateEstate, far away, from these past ridiculous places of America. All I wanted 4 all these yrs  is peace of mind & the mutualRespect that the orchestrators took.-",

"-But going back to what I was saying, at the end of the day, beyond family and loved ones, I am not your friend or your enemy, or even paying attention to the cr*p left for me to read into. That stuff is between you and the orchestrators you blindly and ridiculously follow.-",

"-f you are not talking to me directly, then you are not helping me. Playing with your phone won‚t make you a saint-for the orchestrators, in the past, I called this the American idol mentality. You think by voting for someone to win, you‚re altruistic.-",

"-Save your energy, direct it towards someone who will appreciate it, or do something constructive. I‚ve given my spheel about ‚being natural without hiding anything.‚ That‚the only help I seek. End of the day, you be you, I‚ll be me. -",

"-At the beginning of this &now, Ive made it clear, not out of anger, spite, or because Im fresh out of some troubling incident: mind your own business. I don‚t want you in my life, and to be honest, I don‚t want to be in your heads either beyond the practice of the Golden Rule.-",

"-Get at me (Slang), or kindly get lost (Literal).-",

"-These sounds tell me they‚re going to ‚do away‚ with me. The extent, depth, seriousness of that I dunno. (But if I‚m to meet my end, I want the Americans to know this much from me, amidst the clouds you live on. -",

"-At the end of this, you all and the kid sounding faction of the orchestrators are in for a surprise. Really walked into it, as  you'll figure out, soon enough.)-",

"-Ur faces or reactions or gestures do not match up to my writings, what I‚m being told, etc.(this part goes to everyone, but especially my parents- I feel these people (orchestrators) are lying to you regarding their intentions and what they direct at me.)",

"-From past complaints being relevant in the present day or not, not gonna elaborate on past things after this. Way too much time for something I‚m not willingly taking part in or interested in. Take care.",

"ending it for today with a few normal tweets -",

"Coffee machines with adjustable strength settings...expensive, but worth it!",

"getting a starbucks card, or memberships with doordash or massage places can be rewarding...",

"a person can say/do 10,000 good things, and being human, do 1 bad thing...but through human nature, other people will only remember/consider the bad thing without thinking things through...",

June 5th tweets...summary of normal tweets from early morning and the \other stuff tweets\ from early evening...all right side up on tumblr blog link below...as of tomorrow just gonna spread tweets throughout the day-if any...  https://t.co/2yg58nFl2X

"June 6 tweets -",

"so wake up, walk to the main floor of the house, and see through the window that the sun is getting ready to shine, with birds chirping in the background...sounds like something from a book, i know...but it invites pleasantness amidst all the nonsense in one's life...",

"so theOrchestrators...what they now do, seeing I have a writing platform, is \"project\" ideas/notions my way, 1 way or the other, try 2 get me 2 mention it, or even address/explain it. In my writing about, say, 1 of the rumors they created, Id be helping 2 perpetuate false ideas.-",

"-i mean w/something as corny &simple as the sun about 2shine, who wants 2waste time on the bullsh*t of others? Who pays attention to idiots? I mean, whatever orchestrators put out, I know who I am, what I get & don't get, & we don't share the same goals or same kind of people.-",

"-Today, I have 2 degrees& aJob 2 focus on, and be grateful 4. Yrs ago, I had my own apartment&delivery of restaurant food 2 be happy about while I tried to study amidst nonsense. Yrs ago, I had 4 years of body building to be grateful for,&the local YMCA where Id swim vigorously.-",

"- amidst The Blessings of the Good Lord, there's this nonsense from Americans living in a cloud and wanting to eavesdrop into the life of an Indian. but moving on...this kind of stuff is a risk to the tranquility from the simplicity of the sun shining...",

"so i mentioned \"my own apartment\" a couple or a few tweets ago...upstate vs. downstate -the apartments are madCheap...Ive been searching for apartments locally, downstate, & places like, The Print House? $2000 rent. Every other place? $1600 &up. My upstate studio apartment?$750.-",

"- I mean taxes take like 50% of your yearly salary. Then downstate rent...That's another huge chunk...",

"Regarding taxes, if you go to Catholic or private schools, and taxes pay for public schools and other such facilities that you don't use, why does everyone have to pay the same percentage of taxes? -",

"-You live in America for the freedom and community. But seeing as I, personally don't get that, there's gotta be other places, globally, that have that...",

"So, was eating breakfast and got food stuck between my teeth...reminded me of braces and the retainers you gotta wear after to maintain the progress of the braces...in hindsight, with today's discipline, i wouldn't have been as lazy with the retainers, as back then...",

"So, on the HBO Max app on Fire TV or Chromecast, you can find the second version of the \"Justice League\" movie. Yeah, there are two!I mean the trouble for making two versions of the same movie...why?!Well, at least Gal Gadot is in it...truly a Wonder Woman...",

"So just followed Gal Gadot, and twitter suggested I follow Margot Robbie...people from Israel, Australia...they are incentive for global connections...",

"anyone else grow up with 90s Nickelodeon with Stick Stickley with Nick in the Afternoon, Doug, Rugrats, Rockos Modern Life, etc...?!",

"huge Dragon Ball Z fan. Got me into the Dragon Ball series, which I personally feel a warm attachment to then the Z Series...they're coming out with a new movie next year...even collect the figures...like a few yrs ago, really got into anime. CrunchyRoll is a good site for it...",

"RT @StarbucksCare: @RennyJi Hi Renny, while we no longer have an online store, we do have a storefront on Amazon that you can use to try an

"So where do our ideas and thoughts come from? Ever wonder?",

"For so long I thought of all this having to do with a girl and possibly player psychotic friends...I mean the whole thing is like the stereotype of an angry girl-in what I‚ve shared and not... l mean keeping you perpetually writing and making everyone not talking to you?-",

"- when we were at the same school, because of the visible no cause anger towards someone you don‚t know, I even gave her a letter apologizing if I wronged her in anyway and saying I‚ll keep out of her way. When things escalated at the party school, if it had to do with her, with-",

"- whatever filter in her mind towards me, I even sent her a brand new copy of the dvd, ‚he‚just not that into you‚ with no return address. If ur right about all this being her, you think that‚ll be hint, she‚ll know what it means, and stop whatever.-",

"- If not she got a brand new DVD for free. I mean that‚my style: I don‚t uproot the world. Then as time goes on, I figure it has to be the school, manipulating the story of the girl for their project. I mean what does a Columbia grad like her want with me anyway?!-",

"- and regarding the school, I reported everything that was happening, like a responsible person. Once again, my style. They uproot the world, lie to me, and them and their government contacts stop the world from talking to me...",

"So I talk about blondes or talkED about blondes recently. Not the only kind of women I‚m into. But moving on, did you guys know there are types of blondes?...like the ‚Nordic Blonde?!‚- I‚ve seen some with a fan and they look incredible...-",

"Me, I have wavy hair...or HAD wavy hair...saw someone with nice pin straight hair-probably doesn‚t take hair gel or leave in conditioner to style...wouldn‚t it be cool if you could change ur hair type from straight to wavy to curly by as simply as running a comb through ur hair?!",

"This one place that I go daily...it‚ridiculous how everyone there is jacked or ripped...I mean like 90%...It‚an odd-what do you call such an occurrence-coincidence?! Me personally, focusing on getting skinny first...",

"Has anyone tried aromatherapy?! Does it work?",

RT @shakirastuff_: Shakira is coming. You all ready?   https://t.co/pvq5lurJrl

"Just saw commercials for upcoming Marvel series, ‚Loki‚. It‚going to be on Disney+. I‚m not sure if the following is a movie or series, but ‚Black Widow‚ with Scarlett Johansson is also coming out...",

RT @missmorenab: Flashback to that time I wore all purple.   https://t.co/pq4nrakjpw

"In the movie, ‚Deadpool,‚ Ryan Reynold‚character is so right about his feelings toward @missmorenab (Morena Baccarin). Every time you see her, it‚like the first time. There isn‚t a second she isn‚t beautiful...",

June 6th early morning and morning tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/5fZPSYyvq2

"11 years of all this relaying and stalking. People ignore my directive, of talking to me directly, to get to know me, despite me saying how I am with people is on an individual basis.-",

"-Depending on how I, as a multifaceted personality, choose to share, Person A might recognize me as a completely different individual than Person B. So yesterday, we talked about filters, or the lenses that u see an individual through, is based on the stuff you have in ur head.-",

"- so lets introduce something I else I mentioned in the past. The concept of ‚know of‚ vs. ‚actually know.‚ All of u may have heard relayed things about a particular Renny. You think ur part of a fun game with this Renny. (Not a fan of games and view this entire thing as abuse.)-",

"-But in the things you are aware of, do you understand my goals or intentions? You think you know how I‚ll be with you and when you ignore my advice. You do not know me and simply ‚know of me.‚-",

"In the past, I was grateful for a 2nd chance at a new major at a new school with a fresh start. I wanted no distractions. As I didn‚t want the mind lingering on anything from the past, I wanted 2 remove any chance I had with a particular girl.-",

"-I wanted 2 close that door by writing something off putting so that the mind would abandon theOption. OtherGoal was 2 test the surroundings 4 a reaction 2 see if Im right about theSource of the randomness. In trying to cut off an attachment, Im left w/the idea of it for years.-",

"- intention with my battle with the party school? Get a free ride there, get life back to the way it was-in all opportunities (social l, fiscal, etc.) , in all normalcy- before things with the girl, her friends, the school, and this present day hill sh*t. -",

"- I live according to that, but the orchestrators are trying to make me an Indian, an American instead, by ignoring my people/culture/goals, and use me for their goals, while making me seem crazy for trying to get things back to the way they were, 11+ years ago.-",

"- sometimes I wonder‚ you idiots out there reading into my actions‚what do you know of the kind of life I want to live or the kinds of people I want to associate with. I buy something like a coffee machine, I think you put me out as buying something expensive. Slander.-",

"- I spice up my morning in the ways that I do, likeMachines w/adjustable strength, valueQuality‚unlike the orchestrators &the rest of their people, I don‚t live on an ‚airy cloud.‚ I actually think through things &have plans for aFuture that don‚t match this retarded situation.-",

"-11 years of eavesdropping, what do the orchestrators know of a life of meaning &value. U see me thru the filter of ur culture,ur boy friends,ur men,ur students,&what not. To the orchestrators, experiment on ur kind, rather than leaving the worst for other parts of the world.-",

"- you may see everything, may even know every thought, but you don‚t know where I stand or my intent with things.",

"Just found out season 3 of the HBO Max series, ‚Titans,‚ is set to be released in August of 2021‚finally‚and that too in the summer‚it‚sad there aren‚t a lot of new episodes to series outside of fall/winter/spring months‚Titans has Nightwing, Raven, and the rest

"Other shows like ‚Doom Patrol‚ or the anime: ‚Seven Deadly Sins‚‚no idea for a release date like the previous tweet

"‚His Dark Materials‚ was a great series on HBO Max, as well

"It can be problematic when ‚direct interactions‚ face conflict with things relayed‚I mean, What was the purpose, and a number of tweets back, recall what I said about the different recognitions by Person A Vs. Person B.",

June 6th Afternoon Tweets rightSideUp in tumblrBlogLink below. NothingMoreToday. There were tweets in early morning &morning - posted in the tumblr blog link several tweets down this page (that link is also at the bottom of the afternoon link below)  https://t.co/PMVxdtYiep

"June 7th tweets -",

"so a thought...-",

"I saw a clip of a physicist talking about something, and he mentioned other scientists of the past who came up with theories. Someone like Isaac Newton didn't have the distractions of our world. He had a lot of time to think and theorize about his observations.-",

"- When I look back at these 11+ years, its enraging. What a massive waste of time. I could be using my thought process, my observative capacity, for constructive things, rather than talking to/about this \"situation.\" -",

"-For the orchestrators, life is living on a cloud, doing whatever impulse commands you, getting drunk and laid all day. I mean if getting laid is your life's greatest goal, there are bigger and better things. -",

"-Getting laid is exhilaration, pleasure, a series of postures, for a set amount of time. But an accomplishment, a life achievement, a true goal, encompasses your entire day and rewards you lifelong, unlike the 60-90 minutes or so of getting laid...-",

"-Set your sights on bigger things, on something that can define you and fulfill you. That's true pleasure.-",

"- You know in these 11+ years, I wish I could have used my brain to think about real things, philosophize, build something -",

"- but instead the orchestrators, in my very early 30s, have me dealing with the matters of children...-",

"- The serious project that may or may not be public, that is hiding behind the nonsense of whatever is projecting the teenage-like voices...is also wasting my time with their goals, over mine...-",

"-Life is a gift. From crawling out of bed, to possibly stretching, to walking down the stairs to your kitchen, it truly is an underestimated gift. I mean you have arms and legs. You can move them. It provides a sensation. -",

"-Being forced to look over all that and be reminded of the failings of a country, in practice in your life, is ridiculous.-",

"- This \"situation\", with what it does to me daily and my environment, for me, is a waste of time, and a distraction from my plans/goals. Biblically, it is said, if ur eye causes you to sin, then cut it off. It is better for you to go to heaven maimed, then all of going to h*ll.-",

"- so lets extrapolate. I think people of today are put off by religion b/c they \" 'think' its about telling u what 2 do.\" But I believe it's telling u \"what u can be\" -",

"-& the lifestyle that needs 2 be maintained. When I say lifestyle, I don't mean living like a nun, like literal interpretations imply. Again, you need to think about what comes your way. Literally, the aforementioned saying also has a meaning. That being, -",

"- your eye causing you to sin and the rest of the saying? Be pure in thought, follow your heart, do what's right as appropriate for your life. This results in peace of mind and eligibility for heaven. But I was talking about goals, that saying can be applied to goals.-",

"-ur eye causes you to sin, cut it off? Yeah no 1 expects the human race 2 cut off their eyes. So when it comes 2 goals, if there is a distraction in your life, u need 2 cut off that attachment. That part about \"better part of u go 2 heaven, then all of u going to h*ll\"?! -",

"- If you cut off the attachment/the distraction, your eye is figuratively cut off. What remains will inherit heaven. -",

"-Heaven can be interpreted as a state of mind. When you feel good, you feel like you're in heaven. When you do something bad, your mind is like in h*ll b/c of the resulting negative feelings.-",

"- So point being, if you cut off your attachment/distraction, what remains, inherits heaven i.e. or you'll have the state of mind (of being focused, and whatever else), to achieve your goal. -",

"- When you practice such discipline, it's rewarding throughout and \"post-process-of-achieving-your-goal\" - because you will, without a doubt, achieve your goal. Hence, if your eye causes you to sin, cut it off...",

"- See, the aforementioned is my mind. Not like the orchestrator's and the cr*p they put out. Not like the people they involve me with. Not like the Americans, who, everyday, let me down, by not telling me what's going on.-",

"-In my religion, Christ says, \"my mother, brother, sister, friend, family, are those who share in my convictions\" - to paraphrase...Amidst \"this situation,\" in whatever way I possibly can, I try to say what I'm about, what I want, what my beliefs are. -",

"-But no 1 in my surroundings shares in my convictions. After 11+ years, the label of American I wore proudly, is now a source of humiliation. Citizenship/rights-none of it respected. No lawEnforcement. In Christ's words, U are not my family, nor my people. U be U, I'll be me...",

June 7th early morning tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below - philosophy...  https://t.co/nyEjkFGjmy

"You know, growing up, I learned from experience & family, avoid jobs that depend on people. Too many variables. If ur an engineer or programmer, while you may work with a team, your part of the work is all U, giving you the freedom and using solely ur talents, knowledge, ability-",

"- but thats inTermsOfWork..4 a socialLife, yeah friends are wonderful but Im involved in ‚theSituation‚ involvingPeople. My wholeLife is relayed. IveSaid I can do 10,000 goodThings,& people, being humanNature, only rememberTheBad. ‚The situation‚ is a ‚forced on myShoulder job‚.-",

"-when my so called all day everyday job involves people, not the best thing, because of how my environment can be affected. How do you be mindful of all ur actions all day everyday‚-",

"-I mean you want people, in what ur stuck with, to be direct with you, to know you for you, not based on something put out indirectly about you

"In this situation, people think theyre supporting u, with u, even helping u‚but I keep saying what help to me is‚it‚being natural without hiding this- I think we‚re getting there, but what if some1 were to tell me whats going on & help me end this‚ud be a role model, a hero!",

"I was out today and someone was nice enough to help me speed up that part of my day‚ I keep saying talk to me and stuff, and d*mit I forgot to get this person‚name‚but I guess that‚on me

"So I‚ve grown up watching my dad use alcohol based aftershaves that are liquidy like Old Spice. But growing up, I e heard slit said that alcohol is bad for the skin. So I got the Brickell aftershave from Amazon.-",

"-Smear a bunch of it on, expect it to work, and then realize, not the best idea in sunny June weather. You‚ll just sweat it off. Maybe liquid quick drying aftershaves are what‚needed. Lotions just melt

"When someone does something nice, how do you react‚especially in this situation where people seemed to be misled or misguided in ur name, you figure it‚easier walking in a hostile environment‚but selfless kindness changes the world

"Want to hang upside down for yoga or ‚just because‚?! Get the ‚FeetUp Trainer‚ from Amazon

"Girls are lucky. They can wear shorts & look good in shorts. To look in style, a guy who wears shorts has 2 have em a little bit below his knees‚I think like in the 50s, 60s, 70s, guys used to wear the shorts women wear today-yeah umm no 1 wants to see that..a reverse of style..",

"Huge Michael Jackson fan- it‚sad someone like him had the things that happened to him, happen

"Yeah I listen to anything that sounds good on Spotify-from ‚sucker‚ by the Jonas Brothers to ‚drag me down‚ by One Direction to ‚bad blood‚ by Taylor swift to ‚wherever whenever‚ by shakira to ‚ if you had my love‚ by JLo to ‚Memories‚ by David Guetta to ‚lose yourself‚ by Eminem",

"This heat‚in Yonkers(Y-Oooo!) /Bronxville‚simply sitting while working makes you sweat‚but at least where I reside (on the border of both cities), it just got cloudy‚hopefully things will cool down

"In the heat a while back, I remember buying these Nike‚- running shoes- they are ventilated at the top‚shoes like that probably helps, if you gotta be outside

"Post lunch, my soda stream (raspberry flavor) really cooled me down

Afternoon tweets for June 7th right side up in tumblr blog link below (early morning tweets below afternoon tweets or in link that is several tweets below)  https://t.co/gIudOYfuCd

"June 8th tweets...-",

"so this thing with external parties who don't know a person, putting things in people's heads, goes way back...it leads to improper awareness, or a false filter/glasses that people see through...-",

"So here's five verses that I believe the three Abrahamic religions share. Genesis 3 goes: -",

"- 1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, ‚Did God really say, ‚ÄòYou must not eat from any tree in the garden‚?‚ -",

"-2 The woman said to the serpent, ‚We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‚ÄòYou must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.‚‚-",

"-4 ‚You will not certainly die,‚ the serpent said to the woman. 5 ‚For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.‚-",

"-6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.-",

"- so...those were the first 6 verses actually. The devil \"puts something in Eve's head.\" Sound familiar? She gains a filter that she sees through, but she doesn't realize, she's been blinded from the truth...-",

"-Eve believes if she eats the fruit that God forbade her from eating, she will be a god or at least have god like wisdom...-",

"-God told her not to eat the fruit: that part is like what our hearts tell us to do, while we listen with our tempted minds for tantalizing/nice sounding false things to be placed in our head...to live life with your heart requires taking a deep breath and gaining perspective-",

"- it speaks to us in differentSituations. when orchestrators or the devil come along&place things in our head, giving us false filters 2 see thru, resulting in the actions of accordance, we need 2 quiet down, listen 2 what our heart-which fights the impulse of human nature-says.-",

"- the orchestrators give you instructions to follow behind a single person. Like the juicy fruit of the forbidden tree, you see the orchestrators words and directives as a fun game. -",

"-But if you, humankind, were to listen to your hearts...how can you bear to have a fellow American suffer alone for 11+years?-",

"- would ur hearts allow humankind 2 be on 1 team vs. a single human being for 11+ years? U wanted 2 play the orchestrator's game like Eve wanting the juicy fruit. God didn't approve in that case, & ur hearts & true conscience doesn't approve in our case..Americans need insight...",

"Moving past philosophy, -",

"Driving with the AC on creates mist on the wind shield, towards the bottom‚needed wipers to clear it‚anyone else face that problem?",

"It‚great when your 10 min away from stores like Macys, ur coffee shop, UPS, or anything else‚I mean‚feel sleepy while working? All ways to get fresh air

"The parking spaces in Bronxville‚Pondfield Road are diagonally lined‚real pain when going from the right side of the road to the parking space on the left

"So 10:20 AM, I left my house 2go 2 UPS 2 drop something off on Central in Yonkers (Y-Oooo). Made the trip &got back in my driveway @ 10:27. Got inside &out of myShoes at 10:28. Got out of outdoor clothes &back @ my desk by 10:30..like going 2the bathroom when U live near central.",

"The concept of time has always amazed me. So much can happen through the course of 30 min‚like this morning, at the start of 30 min, was getting out of the shower. At the end of 30 min, finished getting my coffee at a coffee shop and back home

"So @theragun or @therabody -whichever is the official Twitter account for Therabody / Theragun - came out with a pneumatic compression device. Only comes in small, medium, large‚if ur chubby, ull think large, but it‚too long. Then you think medium, but it‚tight. -",

"- To @theragun or @therabody (Therabody / Theragun), you need a pneumatic compression device that‚of varying lengths for different heights, and adjustable straps for varying leg widths- to adjust how they fit ‚around the legs‚

"RT @dunkindonuts: That absolutely ‚ú®thrilling‚ú® half-second you think about ordering something different, then don‚t.",

June 8th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/FaCfjnfbYI

"June 9th tweets...",

"Matthew 13: 13-15 - For this people's heart has grown callous; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts... -",

"-No matter how many times I implore of you to tell me the truth about the situation, you listen to the orchestrator's instruction of not telling me...or their instructions, period...",

"John 18(21-23) - Why question me? Ask those who heard me. Surely they know what I said.‚ ...If I said something wrong,‚ Jesus replied, ‚testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?‚... -",

"- in my situation, im telling people over &over, for 11+ years, don't read in2 my actions, stop making things about U or taking things personally, actNatural without hiding things, don't listen to the instructions of the orchestrators..i think the orchestrators filter what I say.",

"Matthew 27:4 \"I have sinned by betraying innocent blood,\" he said... - in my situation, the world is on one team, and I'm on another. do you have any idea what the orchestrators did to me while I was away from work recently?!",

"Matthew 27:18 \"For he knew it was out of self-interest that they had handed Jesus over to him.\"The orchestrators &the projected children like sounds are not doing this for 11+years! to build me or make my life better. That is just the front of a massive project, for their ends.",

"Psalm 3...A priest I knew introduced some of the verses of this psalm to me, under a different context. But I believe the whole thing applies to my \"situation.\"...",

"Luke 23:13‚Äì19...I have examined him in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against him...But the whole crowd shouted, ‚Away with this man!..In my situation, u, the American people, have aided the orchestrators, in robbing me of opportunities, &be their victim.",

"so some philosophy...-",

"-Ive said before, peace of mind is priceless...but in this massive 11+year secret against one human being as part of the screwing with his mind, America has stolen peace and the opportunities of 11+ years for me. I see America in all its glory, in its superficial altruism.-",

"-There is this Biblical saying ‚And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.(Mark 9:42)-",

"- Peace of mind, or the state of mind, is that precious. Get punched in the arm, it bleeds, it gets visibly bruised, it eventually heals. But the mind...can you see its wounds from years of familial and societal betrayal? -",

"-The mind is the steering wheel/the command center controlling the whole operation of the body...on what justifiable basis do u, the orchestrators, and mankind screw with a young man's mind for 11+years? Not even Hitler did this to the Jews...he horrifically baked them in ovens-",

"- while the Americans drag out their torture as part of a massive game...But back to the Biblical saying about ‚And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin...\"-",

"- The little ones represent the innocence within the human condition. That innocence is peace and peace is God. -",

"-Heaven for all we know could be this state of mind, as Adam and Eve were like children who believed like a child, that their parents, in this case, God, would take care of everything. However, these derivations aside, the little ones in that quote represent -",

"- innocence within the human condition. To tamper with that state of mind, be it a school or a perverted few, the action is indicated as so evil, so wrong, it would be better 4 that entity to not have existed at all, as indicated by the morbid latter portion of the quote, where-",

"- the individual responsible is told to tie a rock around his neck & jump in2 the water. You don't screw with innocence, in whatever way it is expressed. It could be a regular guy, amidst 11+year hype, being relayed in anything/everything..why tamper with sanctity/peace of mind?!",

"- so that's from my philosophical side...",

"so a couple of regular tweets...-",

"If you have whole chia seeds and not the grounded up version, has anyone thought of using their coffee grinder to grind the chia seeds? Or do you need a special grinder that specifically says it can be used for other things?!",

"Try \"Kombucha\" as another water substitute. Can taste like soda and its sugar free and good for digestion...",

"Just followed @zoesaldana along with @shakira ... columbians are mad beautiful ...",

June 9th early morning tweets (before 6:32 AM) right side up in tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/8poUrB3WEr

"U know looking back, at the state party school that I transferred to, in 2010, what they taught was done poorly & the subjects were out of date. I‚m sure they‚ll beg to differ. While they and their involvement of a ‚situation‚ strives to keep me writing in the midst of studying-",

"- other schools were teaching agile software practices, cloud computing, data warehousing, or even with a simple Java programming class: how to run JUnit test cases.-",

"- for months I tried contacting a professor for an old assignment and notes related to handling Java programming with sql database coding, never gives me what I want. Basically always says he‚too busy-",

"- in the party school, while their sister state university of Binghamton was teaching Java with Eclipse, enterprise style repositories and JUnit test cases, party school was using a baby program called Dr. Java.-",

"- my transcript is proof of the courses you teach. The duration of the situation and the kids is proof of a distraction in my priorities. My 4.0 high school GPA is testament to my academic caliber. Me, I like using the luxury of time to learn a course until it‚mastered.-",

"- students would say professor ravis course was 1 of the important courses. Didn‚t do so well the 1st time amidst obstacles. Wanted 2 take theCourseAgain.  Ur partySchool‚conflictResolution VP insisted I take remaining courses @ a communityCollege so that Im out of their hair.-",

"-can you imagine this dip sh*ts advice? From a 4.0 gpa at Iona with scholarships and free laptops to a community college. The b*stars went out of his way to convince my parents I‚m crazy after he had the faculty monitor me on the harassment on the day of my life 2012 finals.-",

"The amountOfDamage that partySchool, those spitefulKids did, along w/the rest ofThe ‚situation.‚U should see some of theseFacesIm thinking why the f*k are U in myLife, while these randomly angry agenda fueled gamePlayers areIrritated theyre not wanted playing god w/some1‚life.-",

"- to some of the randomly angry agenda fueled game players, you wanna say have some dignity and move on.",

"The orchestrators are trying to figure me out. Put corny high school paths of doing what you love my way and things will follow. How old am I? How do you explain ur perverted presence in my life? Something can be learned from the Indian concept of arranged marriages-",

"- back in India, families strive to get their kids to perfection. Find a family, a women, that‚exceptional and meets standards. We wish a similar exceptionalism for careers, futures, education, etc. I come from this culture. In my family, father sought out opportunities in the-",

"- alien country of America and took care of his family and his extended family back home. Uncle went off to a different part of India and worked as the closest contact to Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi with his Italian wife Sonia. My father, my uncle, did these things thru-",

"- hard work without distractions and American party schools constantly getting in the way. It is beyond me, why my parents aren‚t defending their culture and allowing these racist Americans to walk all over us, especially me.-",

"- the thing that‚absolutely beyond me is, I don‚t do drugs, I don‚t drink, just minding my business, I‚ve done nothing to no one, if there was anything to clear up-done it 100 times over. Why‚are these freaks pursuing me I.e. the orchestrators. For 8 years, I‚ve put aside my-",

"-likes, habits, grasping with the American dictators cruelty. Now after all that, they want to prostitute my life for entertainment while not disclosing what they do. American or not, what human being stands by while the orchestrators electrocute someone? -",

"- what do the orchestrators tell their following? Hey everyone, on behalf of the party school, we want are Renny to party like it‚1999

"Moving to normal tweets again

"Americans are worse than the Germans were with the Jews In Nazi Germany‚everything they do is superficial and not from the heart

"#Loki airs today on Disney Plus

"Loki",

"You‚d be surprised how many things from ages ago, or even eight years ago, can come in handy, in the present day, today

"Saw The Wedding Ringer the other day‚great movie‚seeking a female best friend though, not an audience

"You gotta check out the @TouchofModern app from the App Store or Google Play Store. They have the coolest things for sale

"this is what I wrote years ago, when something tried to make me think, by doing nothing, by sitting around in my house, I raised a strange group of kids to bother me across several years. -",

- once again you realize what you write is used to study you while the environment is manipulated to the orchestrator's liking by having something else presented as though it were through you.  https://t.co/0C3BxJDqMM

            "display_url" : "tweetextracts-blog.tumblr.com",

            expanded_url :   https://tweetextracts-blog.tumblr.com

"RT @RennyJi: W/everything, it boil down 2 \"what void\" ur trying 2 fill. Being human=ugly-&gt;a lot of good&bad w/in. Violent offenders should

"RT @RennyJi: - it wasn‚t God who caused my situation. It wasn‚t me, as I mind my business and return to my home. It was other people. Other

"Saw movie, ‚Oppenheimer.‚ It picked up during end of movie, where U realize U.S. government is taking away Oppenheimers credibility, despite & after his contributions 2 Manhattan Project‚s: atomic bomb. His crime was he wanted 2 raise awareness against dangers of nuclear warfare.",

"What does U.S. government do, when they‚re against accountability 4 their actions? They make U look like a clown, they take away ur credibility, they take away ur say by manipulating justice system against U, despite ur defense. They focus on ‚prevent, contain, salvage.‚-",

"- brain mapping‚what if it enabled people to be operated like drones?- like a remote control plane‚the project I‚m forced into isn‚t about curing diabetes. It‚about mapping person X‚consciousness, digitally, to person Y‚consciousness.-",

"- Everything happening is about employing common citizen as a soldier w/a government designed focus. This has been happening directly & indirectly. Indirectly, when U tell some idiot 2 do something & he/she does it. Directly, is when U map controllers consciousness 2 controllee.-",

The following three clips are from the Hulu movie: ‚Assassin‚ with Bruce Willis. It‚a 2023 released movie. Here‚part I:   https://t.co/CNzYTyhf1K

- Here‚part II of the same scene clip as Twitter doesn‚t allow clips longer than a minute and 30 seconds:   https://t.co/5H45FGkV8P

- here‚part 3 of same scene clip connected 2 last two clips in last 2 tweets. Perils of brain mapping is when like how it‚said in below clip when some1 maps their mind 2 urs & controls U. In movie the controllee experiences mind control as a lapse in memory.  https://t.co/NmGl6jAzzx

On the Miami herald‚   https://t.co/ZnMpN7DbQK

What else would the government do then play down something which coincides with the timing of the Cold War in the 1980s‚  https://t.co/TXSHypQp4W

"Clip in next tweet is from History Channel‚The UnXplained series, hosted by William Shatner‚if remote viewing is possible, and masqueraded under someone being a good citizen?(what? Kinda random), what else can be done more than 40 years after the subject of the clip?!-",

-Its understood Im part of a mockery on freedom/privacy in a State with Statue of Liberty in a country being symbol of opportunity‚how long things like below have 2 happen & with how many people 4 it not 2 arouse an ounce of empathy 2 help the 1 it surrounds thru disclosure?!   https://t.co/2hHQ0vyFng

"- the focus of remote viewing in the previous clip was mentioned in a notable news source: The Miami Herald.-",

"- I was watching the questioning of the Attorney General on CNN. It, got messy. But people: get messy. Years of being in my inescapable situation had resulted in me punching a hole in my wall twice.-",

"- On 2nd occassion, after I got LASIK; signifying no eye glass or contact lens cameras; part of a process of elimination: when i hit wall, I heard a family member stop coming towards, after they initiated walking in my direction. I can only imagine some1 instructed insanity.-",

"- after a while, the improbable becomes a possibility, when all other variables are eliminated. Something is producing the effect or even assault on my senses‚you begin to wonder, what‚causing that effect.-",

"- It‚interesting that after mentioning all the things I picked up on, to the FBI, the D.O.D. voicemail, etc., that no one came to my aid. If this phase is about boosting my ego, I‚d rather have, what is now a luxury, to move on with the normalcy of a human life.-",

"so a thought...-",

"-in a very convincing manner, the orchestrators make it clear to me that they're going to, subtly put, \"do away\" with me, while in this, or at the end of this. Something this big, after 11+years, even if it were just legally, the \"situation\" does not have a happy ending-",

"-i don't think my own parents go through my written material...for one thing, i think there's something paraphrasing what i write to them. regarding the rest of America, I think a filtered version is being delivered to you of what happens to me or what I write. -",

"- for some of you, you're in a fun game. keep track of where he goes, send it to the medium/platform - i guess?! There's the children like sounds, but at least so that group will help me, there is another group doing something else. -",

"- both of which are illegal. The children like sounds are arrogant. They're convinced its just them. When this first started, I called the police several times about this whole \"situation\", from start to finish, in its peculiarity. They lied to me and didn't help me. -",

"- When I went to the FBI, they gave me something to perpetually write on, for the hackers. The party school wanted to get rid of me and had their Conflict Resolution help the kids who started this instead of me. -",

"- The secondary group of orchestrators - for distraction purposes - and the primary group of orchestrators (to make their cause relevant with past trivial issues) want me to perpetually talk about the party school, the girl, and the random kids from the beginning of all this.-",

"- thats done, i moved on, i left the country cuz I didn't want to be bothered. But the orchestrators - their whole band - followed me there. -",

"- You as a people, because instructed or otherwise, talk about the past garbage that happened at the party school, like its the most-matter-of-fact-thing. But there is something else happening: abuse. -",

"-In myLife, in these 11+years, firefighters willExtend a hand, but also hide \"theSituation.\" The police exert authority&play in2 the situation. The FBI enables theSituation. The partySchool wants 2 save its ownSkin. In an American conspiracy against 1 person, I left out 1 group.-",

"- In just going through past job application emails, I see the part where they ask you, \"if you're a veteran?\" They ask did you serve your country. Some people join the military for better opportunities after their service, and some are in it for the service. But when a normal-",

"- person thinks of a soldier, they think of someq going off 2 the Middle East &nabbing some bad guys. But we say \"Thank U for ur service.\" Well, guys, myAmerican citizenship is being violated. There is a massiveConspiracy against 1 American. Illegal all around with illegal tech.-",

"- everyone is taking facts for granted and taking the extra measure of not talking to the person involved, for 11+ years. Being an American requires the extra step of compassion and a heart in your actions. While I understand you blow things up, I am in need of your compassion.-",

"- I am in need of  an exemplary American, such as a soldier, \"fighting for this country\" (as they say), to defend my rights against a government that allows this to happen. It's been 11+ years. Why are you taking this for granted and not investigating?-",

"-If you were to help me, unlike the others who say through obligation, duty, what they were instructed, or mechanically: \"Thank you for your service.\" , I would say it from the bottom of my heart. -",

"-Why won't even you not look into what's going and help me? Is it because of my Indian skin and do I remind you of the Middle Eastern Muslims that you're stereotyped to being against? Is it because I'm not a blonde white girl that you allow this to happen to me?-",

"- To fight for my citizenship's entitlement, you don't need to go to another country. Stop this illegal thing and the façade of the orchestrators from happening. -",

"-If its because you see me as an enemy, then do me the kindness of ending me like you do with the rest, rather than having these disgusting pigs of orchestrators keep their word of \"doing away with me.\"",

Verilux Sun Lamps - might give you an energy boost...  https://t.co/PGnA20olNz

"I think there are aromatherapy oils that you can apply on the skin for their health benefits...who knew...",

June 9th evening afternoon tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below (morning tweets and resulting tumblr link -several tweets down):  https://t.co/b5ZdnSXTPw

"June 10th tweets -",

There's a solar eclipse today:  https://t.co/whsHUGh71j

"Every morning, there is this one idiot monkey making sure his vehicle's engine or whatever, is as loud as possible...What about the people who sleep at this time? Sorry something is making you drive, but don't take it out on the rest of us in our houses...",

"So get this‚went for undergraduate degree and graduate degree at two different state schools. One is Binghamton, and the other, I call the party school. I Think downstate, people know which school I‚m referring to, but getting to the point: -",

"- needed transcripts from both colleges for a particular purpose. Both unofficial and official transcripts work. With Binghamton, I have Google mail made for my Binghamton email address. I can still access records and my main account page. This is all after graduating.-",

"- I decide to get an official transcript because a pdf version of it can be emailed to you. It costs $5. At party school, the same thing costs $10. Whereas Binghamton sent me the download link for the transcript within 30 min, party school still hasn‚t reached back to me, after -",

"- charging $10. My old email at party school does not work. My old account page, after graduating from party school does not work. It just shows the kind of quality you get, if the orchestrators were stalking that too. It shows all the other things said were true. -",

"- here‚another instructing fact about comparisons between Binghamton and party school: the meal plan. Both schools partner with Sodhexo for meal plan food. But party school seems to get cheap quality food from a cheaper plan and charges students $15 per meal for an -",

"— all you can eat buffet style meal. At Binghamton, they spent the extra nickel and got quality meal plans and charge less. You get real pizza for like 75 cents. You can get a hamburger for 75 cents. You can ask the guy at the grill to make you ham, egg, cheese on a croissant-",

"- or an egg white sandwich between toasted wheat bread. On Saturday‚s, you get chocolate chip pancakes, that are big, and made in front of u. You pay for what‚eaten. At party school, I got smart and found out about paying at chipotles and other places with your school ID card.-",

"- I would transfer my meal plan money to the ID card in what was called ‚Podium.‚ That way I ate at chipotles for less than the $15 meal plan at party school.",

"-Their computer science program is a joke. Their French & other departments close down. All at the party school. They probably have their respective graduate rates because of the not up 2 date classes they teach. Check past transcripts,their curriculum, and the job market to see.",

"Moving past comparisons in features/benefits of quality school: Binghamton, vs. party school‚-",

"I personally think Im crystal clear & thorough. Be it because of the situation or non native English speakers, people don‚t see the point I wish to convey. If Ive tried repeatedly to make a point, then whose it on ?!-",

"-For some strange reason, it‚like they‚re looking through a filter, or the lens of immaturity and zero life experience, or think you imply something malicious.",

"- I mean this one guy‚talking to him‚seems like he wants to do good‚ ur every third sentence, I gotta explain that I‚m not seeing things the way he keeps understanding whatever‚that‚like in a normal situation‚-",

"- then in the abnormal situation, God only knows what ur environment reacts to. Is there someone who doesn‚t  want to be around cuz you think I‚m in a bad mood or because - Now, while God only knows why you care - you don‚t like my perceived tone or what I‚m saying in writing?! -",

"- while I genuinely appreciate the interest by some around a regular guy, surrounded by hype of a compounding situation, ur wasting ur time looking into this. Go get out in the sun, and stop adhering to the orchestrators. It‚incredible, peoples mind always sticks together. -",

"- you couldn‚t detect malicious or difficult or a source of irritation if ur lives depended on it‚just from observation‚When alll this is over, and you see the unfiltered version of my words, I sincerely hope it stings‚I tried to wake you up, get you to do nothing, be natural.",

"-u‚d rather go about followingTheOrchestrators. U may even think I don‚t appreciate some perceived magnanimousGesture on the part of urPeople or those sharing ur skin tone (offense not taken, its biology/psychology). I don‚t needThem, &ur not getting a restricted life of 11+ yrs.",

"On the up side, had a tiny exchange of light conversation with someone in my morning outing‚pleasant, and wakes u up as good as coffee‚pleasant only cuz it came about naturally and not forced

"saw episode 1 of \"Loki\" on Disney Plus...i thought it was really good...it gets into the multiverse, time travel, anachronisms...good stuff...",

"you know what's an epic name for a woman? \"Vivianna\"I mean so many syllables, starts exotically with a \"V\"...sounds fancy...",

"Did you know that : \"NeuroFactor is an all-natural, patented extract of whole fruit from the Coffea arabica plant.\" ? It's the unused part of coffee beans and I heard it's supposed to be good for your brain...",

"anyone try exercising with a vibration platform? I think you can only do (3) 10 min sessions at a time, daily...",

June 10th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/uiS2uXSPXf

"So \"Death Wish Coffee\" could be the strongest coffee out there. They sell it on Amazon &other places u can google. 1 cup of coffee, amidst conflicted claims, has anywhere between 300-700 mg of caffeine. Big variance. Daily caffeine intake is recommended to be 400 mg, altogether.-",

"- so its like multiple cups of coffee in one mug. Kinda hesistant to try it myself, but at the same time I think Im among those who aren't sensitive to caffeine or have a tolerance. You gotta wonder if that 400 mg recommendation is for all people, or just a generalization.",

"so ads on twitter for paris hilton &Kristin stewart..whatever happened to paris hilton?",

"-The way Kristin Stewart &her fellow Charlies Angel, in the original duo, in the 2019 version look, u can see the difference b/w a model & a non-model...They \"look like\" models, and not necessarily like normal human beings...",

"Ever been out with a girl who wants to see who can drink more tequila shots? Personally, I don't see the thrill...more of a caffeine person...Why knock out your brain so much that you're not thinking straight?! The mind is the control center. Why dampen that? -",

"-But 11+ years in this, now I can use a tequila shot...took 11+ years...",

"- thinking back, you feel you had it made... i mean i was the guy who'd never get ID'd at bars. In the tequila shot incident, its kinda funny, when you pass through, you gotta help the one whose idea it was for tequila shots, get in...-",

"- I think part of the thrill is, for some, it's something you can't do...",

so saw on Google News that a woman gave birth to 10 babies...that is something else...  https://t.co/zah5uOZgmZ

"you know if I make it big, in my spare time, i think i'll be a pharmacist and/or astronomer...",

"saw this light skinned African American girl modeling for probably her Instagram, outside a store I went to today...kinda makes you wish you were taller...like I said this morning, some people have looks that go beyond the average human...like the Charlies Angels comment...",

"chicken enchiladas or chicken stuffed with cheese and broccoli...good stuff...",

"online ordering..U never no what'll happen..ordered a brownJacket of 1 particularSize from macys &got a whiteJacket of a different size..another macys story? ordered 2 large jackets from the same brand, different color. 1 is loose like XL & the other fits.-Manufacturing Defect...",

"I hear \"Harley Quinn\" on HBO Max is good...looking forward to that on Saturdddayyy...-heard its like a mature Batman cartoon...",

"currently experiencing sunset through the blinds in my room...kinda would be nice to be out in a field and immerse oneself in it...has a glow to it, unlike the brightness of sunrise...yeah i know, i'm corny...",

"looks like @sesamestreet has gotten new characters, in going beyond bert and ernie...",

"so today no tumblr link, as you can just scroll down/up and read...",

"So on Facebook you see these clips of women proposing to guys‚WOW‚it‚like women never ask a guy out and just give vague signs, and you find out there are women who go so far as to ‚proposing to a guy.‚ Why isn‚t that real life‚direct expressions/interactions over signs!",

"-there are a bunch of clips on Facebook. One is about a girl who cheated on a guy..& it got me philosophical 4 a moment..when some1 nowadays says ‚cheat‚ in a relationship, it means U had relations w/ another. I think its incredible that ‚dating men &women‚ cheat in that regard-",

"-I mean it‚1 thing if married people cheat on each other, but u wonder how do ‚dating people‚ cheat? I mean ‚can‚t u just say I‚m no longer interested &move on?‚ And then on tv, u hear women encourage each other 2 go for the ‚best deal,‚ regardless of the stage of life.-",

"- I mean one thing you learn about Americans is that they have no conscience. Corny as it sounds, you don‚t follow ur heart.-",

"The other day I was waiting on a parking space through cars passing by, while my signals on. A middle aged mother with a baby in a white SUV, seeing my signal, steals the space, and waits for my car to pass by, before getting out. A mother of a baby did that. -",

"- this is where this country is at, and by the time my ‚situation‚ is over, trust me when I say, ur going to see America exposed.",

"Moving onto another note,-",

"- I think girls are more likely to cheat then guys. Sure it‚said that guys only think/care about one thing. But here‚something you probably weren‚t aware of. I learned a while back that women can multitask better and focus on multiple things. -",

"- women are wired that way b/c evolution/biology wise, it‚supposed 2 help them be mothers. Men are wired to be able to focus on 1 thing at a time. So, on a positive note, in a relationship, a woman can be the person who comes up with all of the ideas 2 improve quality of life.-",

"- in such a relationship, the multi focus woman comes up with the ideas, and the 1 focus man, encourages a single plan for those ideas or one idea being better than the rest. Thats 1 way things can happen. But the multi focused woman will be more inclined to think of other men.-",

"- whereas the single minded man holds the potential of placing that one woman on a pedastil (if that‚how it‚spelled) or on a high place to cater to.",

"- some men want to fulfill desire, while others also seek a companion, but women are generally after the ‚best deal.‚ Their friends are notorious for encouraging this

"Moving on‚-",

"They say a husband and wife compliment each other‚so the ideal boyfriend/girlfriend must do the same‚-",

"-when ur bored with time to think, for those that solely think we‚re evolution based, how does evolution, without an Intelligent Creator, create males and females, who are complimentary with respect to physical body parts and mentally in terms of love and support provided?!",

"So vitamin water and Powerade, found at your supermarket and vending machines, has 27 grams and 34 grams of sugar, respectively. BUT,-",

"‚ Rebbl ‚ drinks are nourishing, but cost about $4.50. They only contain 9-10 grams sugar. Koia Plant Based Shake has 4 grams of sugar and protein. And bai juice has antioxidants and 1 gram sugar. This good stuff costs around $4.50 a small bottle. Why is that?-",

"-Is it because people don‚t know about these drinks that I‚ve found on InstaCart and Wegmans, and hence, not enough people are buying it?",

"Amazon groceries (Fresh version or Whole Foods version) sells a version of Chocolate Nesquick with just 3 grams of sugar‚ tastes the same

June 11th & June 12th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/bmjlPKFDu9

"June 13th tweets

"Want 2 shave around the line up or shape up from ur barber? ‚Single foil electric‚ shavers help. There aren‚t that many on the market. Try the ‚Babylisspro‚ single foil shaver. Want to do your facial hair line up/shape up by urself? Try the ‚Andis 74000 Professional T Outliner‚ .",

"So when I first bought a particular item, it was $95. Today, just feel like googling stuff, and find that the same item is selling for $38. Really makes you wonder about the true value of stuff, what it costs to make quality things, and how much money companies are making

"The old school straight razor from Japan‚‚Feather‚ brand can help with line ups/shape ups of facial hair

"So religion and psychology‚I feel if you practice the discipline recommended by religion, along with incorporating the meditative or yogic practices of other religions, psychology, in a lot of cases, would be out of a job. There are some bad cases,but those aside‚-",

"- when it comes to religion, while people have the freedom 2 be as liberal as they choose, hard core discipline, when religions first started, must have been necessary. Guidance from religion led to good families & good upbringing of children. It led to productivity & progress.-",

"- I mean, like in the days of primitive man, or I guess like 2500 years ago, when people must‚ve partied, or bluntly put: got f*ked all day, there was no progress, not productivity, no improvement to the quality of life‚ we probably wouldn‚t have TVs, laptops, cell phones, etc.-",

"- it‚because people managed to focus on bigger and better things, that they made something of themselves, and that we enjoy the quality of life offered today, despite the lack of a conscience for the most part

"Moving on from a thought

"With life in general, from jobs to clothes, I think it‚good to have options

"Restaurants usually have a group of people‚that being known, where on earth do all the people park for the restaurants in Bronxville‚Pondfield Road?!",

"That ‚ahhh why now?!‚ Moment when you voice crackles in front of a pretty girl, from not speaking all morning

"If you like Greek food, like the more well known baklava, you gotta try the Greek dessert: ‚Galaktoboureko.‚ It‚delicious, after a Greek/Mediterranean Lamb Gyro with Tzatziki sauce

"I dunno, I started wondering‚a girl once told me she thought I‚d look good with an earring in onE ear-for starters, don‚t know how I‚d explain it to my parents‚even at this age‚-",

"-The funny thing about earrings? I went to all boys Catholic private college preparatory high school. There we had to be clean shaven and wear blazers and ties to school, but guys were allowed to wear one earring in 1 ear‚so earrings are considered proper with suits‚who knew?!-",

"Nowadays, they sell temporary tattoo printers. At present, I see a lot of people my age with tattoos.Why get a permanent 1, when u can get a realistic 1 that‚temporary?! I mean‚chances are u have beautiful skin & could be stared it all day‚why make there be less of u 2 show?!",

"So when you swipe ur card to make purchases at some food/beverage places, along with asking for a receipt, it also asks if you want to leave a tip‚I mean you go to a restaurant here and there, you naturally leave a tip‚but what if it‚a place you go to everyday with ur card?!",

"So, chocolate chip or cookie dough? I prefer cookie dough

"So back when I wore sweatpants, we‚d wear them like cargoPants-pockets on side/kinda baggy‚u can‚t findAPlace thatSellsThese sweatpants anymore-how do they go outOfStyle, compared 2 regularSweatPants?! Closest thing I could find are‚Nike Joggers‚ &they cost 40 freakin‚ bucks.",

"That moment where you wonder why the guy dropping off your box, left it on the first of three steps toward your front door, leaving you to walk outside. Like everyone else, can‚t it be dropped off in front of the front door, above those three steps?",

"As I get caffeinated to catch up on some work, it occurs to me‚I‚m in my very early thirties. Everyone I grew up with is getting married or have kids. As you may have heard from me, it‚been a lifelong dream to make a girl my best friend in college, and marry her.-",

"- the ‚situation‚, from start 2 finish, in all itsVariations, over all these yrs, messedUp thatDream. Since I was little, I wanted a female some1 who was the sameAge asMe. MyParents are 6 years apart, w/my dad being older. I dunno, I kinda wanted some1 on the same page,an equal.-",

"- now with all who I know being married or with children, I‚ll probably end up with someone younger than me. Way to mess up my ‚same age‚ dream, orchestrators

"You know what‚good? Sorbettos and gelatos

"So there‚another Thor movie coming up in 2022, Guardians of the Galaxy movie coming up in 2023-good to see what happens post-Thanos‚theres another doctor strange movie, black panther, ms marvel‚Thank God for Marvel‚DC needs fo keep up with their releasing of movies

"so in some place around the world and in older times, people would base relationships on astrology. In America, people look to astrology for fun. In India, they have their more in depth astrology system - probably more accurate, as its from Hinduism. -",

"- i think basing relationships on the characteristics of a star sign is limiting. People are more than signs. I don't believe a star sign says what you are, but instead, what you have the potential of being. According to American astrology, I'm a Libran - the scales of justice.-",

"-Ironically, i'm probably in the most unjust thing that can happen to a person. For me, it would be ideal to get Gemini or an Aquarius. But Leos are good too. But these are just limiting details. If you have an open heart and a conscience, you can be with any star sign.-",

"-Ages ago, I knew a Cancer, according to astrology. According to one site, it said \"if there's time, there's potential, and would be an affectionate couple.\" What's funny about that girl...they say there are two kinds of Librans. The partying Librans and the romantic Librans...-",

"- The one I am, I'll leave it to my potential girl friend/spouse to figure out, but the guy this June star sign went with, was, from first impression, more the party Libran. What do you do when girls want that...",

"-Me, being a Libra, the only inanimate thing in the zodiac - it says we're social, king of friends & relationships...& here we are, with the orchestrators who bring up cr*p about me not being liked or in need of friends...don't like me? chances are i don't like you either, lol..-",

"- but point being, whether it be for a relationship or your  career (as mine says I should be a lawyer), your destiny, your fate (as they're two different concepts), rests solely on the choices of an individual. Those choices depend on the smartness and wisdom of the individual.-",

"-Never let anything - be it something cosmic like astrology or another person - tell you what you are, or what you can be. You decide your fate, your destiny. Take charge of your life.",

June 13th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/yt1vx5tnnL

"6/14/21 tweets

"Did you know February 2, 2020 was an event that occurs after 900 years? The date is a palindrome. 02/02/2020 - reads the same backwards and forwards‚Man o man, I missed it

"Whatever happened to BTS after Dynamite?!",

"Christmas songs always make one feel good‚the whole mood and setting of Christmas, especially a white Christmas is beautiful

"‚Angels we have heard on high‚- personal favorite- Gloooo-oooo-ooooo‚Äî riiiaaa",

"I have a friend from 14 years ago, named Zac‚recently saw his 2-4 year old daughter call him ‚daddy‚ in a Facebook video‚really moves a guy‚around Easter I think, there was a Facebook clip of her signing ‚Hosanna‚‚smart little girl

"From Wellerman -‚sea shanty‚ to Katherine jenkins ‚Sancta maria‚ to ‚adeste Fideles‚ to Stevie wonder ‚ave Maria‚‚my Spotify playlist just started playing this stuff‚I really enjoyed it‚whatever genre these songs were‚maybe you will too‚be warned, it‚old school stuff

"So this Church I go 2..Annunciation in Yonkers..its a nice Church..can take back roads from my house 2 get there..but whether or not its b/c I go 2 their 7:30 or 10 am Masses, theres not even 1 song‚u need a song like ‚He will raise you up on Eagles Wings‚‚ songs move the soul.",

"Aesthetics of a place, a person, always affects thoseAround u. People shouldMakeThemselves presentable &places like Churches should be aesthetically pleasing. In the sixth grade, I remember seeing Sacred Heart Church inYonkers 4 the 1st time. It was beautiful in magnificent way.-",

"-seeing that Church for the 1st time really moved me inside. It facilities feeling like ur in the majesty of God

"- speaking of aesthetics, Iona Prep is also a magnificent high school. You hear private school or college preparatory school, some are inclined to think about preppy kids. But we were shown a mode of life for our future. There I met teachers like Mr. Henry or Mrs. Fealy. -",

"- these were model teachers, exceptional in teaching. In Mrs. Fealys biology class, I struggled, but she was available after school, everyday 2 try to drill the material into the annoying kid that was me. For her, I may have been a speck in time, but r me,she was a modelTeacher.-",

"- at neither Binghamton nor party school, did I meet such dedicated teachers. I mean college professors have office hours, but a lot of them are professors not to teach, but to use the research facilities at a University location.-",

"- Binghamton is termed the Harvard of the SUNYs. But thru life experience, as appropriate FOR MY INDIVIDUAL LIFE, Ive found you get what you paid for. I think if I went to a private college, among non IVYs, like Manhattan College, facilities and instruction would‚ve been better.-",

"- state colleges are probably the worst place to seek out a money saving opportunity. Some say focus on a good graduate school, but undergrad serves as the foundation for the rest of ur possibly continuing education and you always need a good base.-",

"-anyway back to the great high school I mentioned: Iona Prep of New Rochelle. The school has a motto: ‚Estoti Firmi‚. It‚s, I believe, Latin for ‚Stay Firm.‚ Over these 11+ years, I‚ve had lots of time to think. That motto has crossed my mind, among other things‚-",

"- through the good moments in life, as well as life‚storms, you need to stand tall, with your feet in the ground, and face things- or simply put, stay firm, stay strong, maintain consistency, maintain who you are in ur identity, despite all that brushes against you.-",

"- this situation paints me in all sorts of ridiculous ways 2get me 2react 4 their entertainment purposes. For 11+ years, Ive been abandoned by people &left alone as depicted being one thing or the other. But Ive realized I‚ve got to maintain me, try to get a correcting word out.-",

"@IonaPrep  , thank you for the privilege of being part of your community, my education, you being who and how you are, and for your motto: ‚Estoti Firmi .‚",

"Great thing a grade school/high school can do is give incentive 4 a day off.-",

"-Iona Prep, run by Irish Christian Brothers-followers of Blessed Edmund Rice- had 1particularBrother‚I believe his name was Brother O‚Conner(2002). For collecting so many cans 4Thanksgiving drive, we were awarded a day off‚makes school exciting 

"So I said state ***Colleges don‚t always have the best professors‚u may argue w/their graduation rates‚but in a lot of cases, that‚not b/c of a particular professors teaching‚its b/c of a students ability 2teach him/herself the material thru their ability 2 grasp textbooks.-",

"- like when you pay for college, ur paying for their reputation (if they have one), the facilities, and those select few of professors who give exceptional notes, for making teaching urself the textbook easier.",

"Listen to this Japanese song from the anime, ‚The Seven Deadly Sins‚ ‚ it‚addicting‚it‚called ‚ Netsujou no Spectrum ‚ and it‚by Ikiminogakari . YouTube it ‚ makes you feel like ur on an adventure with friends or on some epic quest 

"So some of U may have biases towards theChinese, in terms of American made vs. China made, or maybe even basedOn COVID . But I have many ChineseFriends (along with East Asian friends in general-Im South Asian) &the Chinese are greatPeople, a smartPeople. Their products areGreat.-",

"- I personally feel America is in a slump with new products ( could have to do with present day culture and mentality). The disciplined hardworking Chinese come up with revolutionary futuristic devices that can better life.-",

"-Personally, today, things have been slow. Was having a hard time focusing, caffeine wasn‚t helping, taking my mind off work and taking a break wasn‚t working‚so I searched for solutions when this happened last‚and I found the -",

"-like I wasSaying, I foundThe‚ Afunso Head Scalp Massager ‚ onAmazon. WorthItsPrice. It uses compressionTech 2 increaseCirculation 2the head. I suddenlyFelt able&ready 2get back 2work. How many of ourProblems areDue 2 poor  Circulation? &the meds people goOn instead..sad,America.",

"So if U buy 2 exact sameShirts from Macy‚-Polo Ralph Lauren or anyBrand-theyll fit differently.Same w/Amazon. Buy 2 of anything made in America/China/Wherever, &those 2things might workComparativelyDifferently. Whats goingOn w/manufacturing? Shouldn‚t these things be identical?",

June 14th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:  https://t.co/ODh6egvsJt

[a-little-something0]

Best Gift for Your Wife, Girlfriend, Friend

Roses have long been an image of adoration, beauty, and romance. They are an exemplary gift that has been traded between sweethearts for quite a long time, and not surprisingly, for a good reason. Genuine roses, specifically, are a well-known decision for gift-giving in view of their regular magnificence and elegance.

There are a few intriguing things to consider while delivering roses as a gift. There are numerous rose varieties, each with a distinctive tone and aroma. For instance, red roses are frequently connected with adoration and enthusiasm, while yellow roses represent kinship and satisfaction. White roses, then again, address virtue and innocence.

While genuine roses are undoubtedly a wonderful and insightful gift, it's critical to note that they are not a drawn-out arrangement. Over the long haul, real roses will usually shrink and dry out, which can be frustrating for people who want to appreciate them for a more extended period. Factors like temperature, mugginess, and openness to daylight can all affect the life expectancy of genuine roses. Even with appropriate consideration, they will ultimately lose their regular magnificence. Be that as it may, there are elective choices accessible for the people who are searching for a more drawn-out enduring other option. For instance, saved roses are a well-known decision for gift-giving, as they are genuine roses that have gone through a unique conservation interaction to keep up with their variety, surface, and shape for a very long time. 

Real Preserved Roses are a well-known option in contrast to new roses since they offer a similar regular magnificence and polish with the additional advantage of a more drawn-out life expectancy. Protected roses are genuine roses that have gone through an extraordinary conservation cycle to keep up with their shape, variety, and surface for a drawn-out time frame, usually as long as a while. This makes them an ideal gift for events like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, or commemorations, as they can be delighted for quite a while without the requirement for steady support or substitution. 

Saved roses likewise offer a manageable decision for gift-giving, as they are produced using genuine blossoms that would somehow have been disposed of after a short life expectancy. Furthermore, they are often introduced in a beautiful box or container, which adds to their general tasteful allure and makes them a considerably more exceptional and smart gift.

Luxury Preserved Roses in a box are a staggering and modern method for lifting the exemplary endowment of roses. These containers are regularly made of excellent materials, for example, wood or velvet, and arrive in various sizes and varieties to suit any taste or event. The actual roses are regularly of the greatest quality, painstakingly chosen, and organized to make an outwardly staggering presentation that will blow anybody's mind. 

Extravagance rose boxes frequently accompany added highlights, for example, Drove lighting or customized messages, causing them a genuinely one-of-a-kind and unique gift that will be loved into the indefinite future. Moreover, these containers offer a helpful answer for individuals searching for a more extended enduring option in contrast to new roses, as numerous extravagant rose boxes accompany protected roses that can keep going for a very long time with legitimate consideration. 

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[ventique18]

Malleus Draconia: Masquerade (Chapter 1)

Chapter 1: From the top!

Diasomnia Dorm - Lounge

Malleus: Since I've been invited to the "First Gathering of Aspiring Mages"... I wish to convey my gratitude to the Noble Bell College inviter who asked for me.

Sebek: My lord, what benevolence..!

Lilia: A fine idea. No person would be offended by an expression of thanks.

Silver: Yes. I also think that an act of thoughtfulness is a nice way of striking a good first impression with people.

Lilia: Have you already decided on what to give?

Malleus: That's what I have been contemplating since earlier... I cannot think of anything.

Malleus: Do you three have any ideas on a gift suitable for that of an exchange program?

Silver: A gift, huh. If it were me... I would be happy with a cake.

Sebek: Cake? What kind of person brings perishable goods to a trip?!

Silver: Perishable... You're right. It's true that it's hardly appropriate to bring a regular cake to a two-nights-three-days trip.

Silver: Then, how about a non-dairy, long-storage-life type of cake?

Lilia: Hmm. I really don't recommend cake.

Lilia: Silver, when talking about gifts, why is it that cake is the first thing that comes to your mind? Do you like cake that much?

Silver: Not exactly, but...

Silver: It's just that I remember you rewarding me with a cake when I completed a special training task in the past.

Silver: It made me really happy back then. I thought it was a really good present.

Lilia: Kehehe... What a nostalgic story! I see, I see. So that really made you happy.

Lilia: Well then, would you like me to bake a non-perishable cake for this Noble Bell College benefactor?

Silver: No! That's... That's!

Sebek: Let's not go with cake!

Malleus: Ah... I'm not quite fond of whole cakes in the first place. I would prefer to give something I personally like.

Malleus: A pity, but let us not settle for cake.

Lilia: I see... That's too bad, Silver.

Silver: Yes. what a relief-- I mean, what a pity.

Sebek: ... In the first place, do you really need to give something tangible to express your appreciation, my lord?

Sebek: If they're words of gratitude from Lord Malleus...

Sebek: NO, EVEN A "YOU THERE" FROM MY LORD IS WORTHY TO BE PASSED DOWN AS A FAMILY TREASURE FOR GENERATIONS TO COME!

Lilia: I think only you would cry tears of joy over something like that.

Malleus: I shall express my gratitude in words as a matter of due courtesy... However this time, I would also like to give something else as commemoration for this event.

Lilia: Something that is easier to carry than a cake, and also something more valueable than mere lip service...

Lilia: There's only one answer, and you lads still haven't figured it out.

Malleus: Oh? What confidence you have, Lilia. How promising.

Lilia: Indeed. What you should be giving is...

Lilia: A mass game!

Sebek and Silver: A mass game?

Lilia: You don't know? It's group gymnastics. A long time ago, Briar Valley's royal guards take part in it and do exhibitions.

Lilia: By uniting the hearts of such a large crowd and performing exhibitions in perfect sync, they display a high level of leadership and teamwork.

Lilia: Then you can force the audience into submission!

Silver: Father... I don't think you'd want to intimidate anyone for this one...

Lilia: Oh. That's right.

Malleus: ... It seems we've hit a snag; we haven't made any progress at all. It seems we're not very knowledgeable in this particular topic, even with our heads put together.

Malleus: It would be better to seek advice from someone more experienced in this matter.

*Someone knocks*

Azul: Excuse me.

Malleus: If it isn't Ashengrotto. What brings you here?

Azul: The headmaster informed me that you've been added to list of participants for the exchange program.

Azul: Rather than arranging for the cooperation of a fieldwork member, I thought it would be simpler to just go ahead and tell you myself. And so I'm here.

Malleus: That's right, you'are a participant in the exchange program as well. My thanks for coming all the way here to deliver this message.

Lilia: These three here have no travelling experience. I'm leaving them in your care!

Azul: Very well. I will do everything in my power to help you.

Azul: ... I see you all huddled here with a serious expression on your faces. What seems to be troubling you?

Azul: If you're in need of help, I am here! You can tell me anything!!

Sebek: HMPH! Octavinelle! What do you want from us!

Lilia: There, there. It's alright to just talk.

Lilia: The truth is, we want to thank Noble Bell College for the invitation to the exchange program.

Lilia: We gathered here so we could discuss what to give.

Azul: To Noble Bell College? As thanks? Malleus?

Azul: ... Beautiful! Let me pitch in too, no consultation fee required...

Malleus: You wish to participate? Of course, I do not mind... But is that alright with you?

Azul: Of course. I, too, was originally planning to prepare a souvenir to gain favor.

Azul: Now the opportunity to prepare one alongside the famous Malleus makes it all the more worthwhile. How very reassuring.

Sebek: Heh... You understand the magnificence of Lord Malleus!

Silver: Getting help from the considerate Azul is very reassuring.

Silver: Do you have any good ideas on what to give Noble Bell College?

Azul: Yes. For this occasion, the most suitable is...

Azul: A song.

Malleus: A song?

>> To be continued...

Link to part 2

[luna-rainbow]

Hello! I noticed you have a lot of posts analyzing the details of marvel movies, and there was something in the Winter Soldier that I thought I’d ask your opinion about. No pressure for a response!

This is about Alexander Pierce’s little speech in the bank vault scene. It seemed kind of weird to me when I saw it. You wouldn’t talk to a soldier or a professional operative like that, it kind of sounds like he’s talking to a child. He uses language that will be personable - “I need you to do it one more time” - instead of making general statements on behalf of the entire organization. One explanation for this in my opinion is the brain damage Bucky had. I’m wondering how much that had an effect on the way they treated Bucky, and how he may have perceived their treatment of him in his own mind?

Thanks for the ask! Sorry it took me 3 days to get back to civilisation LOL

My impression of that scene changes on a regular basis 🤣 The scene is very ambivalent and whatever interpretation you have would be based on your own headcanons for Bucky. Some people point to this scene as proof that Bucky had a choice in what he did. Some people see this scene as Pierce taking advantage of his physical resemblance to Steve.

My assumption for Bucky is that the brain frying meant Bucky struggled with complex information and wasn't able to make complex decisions.

My most recent view is shaped by a story from a psychologist about someone who had a background of trauma, and their protective mechanism was to completely disintegrate who their sense of self was. They acted out what other people expect them to do, without ever knowing who they were or what they wanted for themselves. The person was a "people pleaser", who always said whatever made people happy even if it was conflicting information, "because they were afraid of punishment", not because they wanted to deceive or manipulate others. If you asked them something about themselves - their wishes, how they felt, what they thought, they couldn't answer because the identity doesn't exist.

It...reminded me a lot of Bucky, who was forced to have his own identity erased to become the Winter Soldier.

Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century, and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we're gonna give it a push. But, if you don't do your part, I can't do mine, and HYDRA can't give the world the freedom it deserves.

I think the way Pierce approaches him is using a few tactics:

When someone is a shocked state -- which Bucky was in, because his mind was in overload from seeing Steve and having some of his memories come back -- they often respond better to tone of voice. Pierce takes a quiet, intimate tone of voice with him, which helps give an illusion of closeness.

When someone is in Bucky's brain injured state, they also tend to respond better to simple phrases rather than something complex and abstract. Pierce does speak in abstracts, though -- and quite possibly Pierce knows Bucky wouldn't have the capacity to process the more complicated phrasing that are blatant lies. Bucky would understand the simpler sentences. "Your work has been a gift", "I need you to do it one more time", "if you don't do your part, I can't do mine". It is pertinent to note that these instructional sentences are much more straightforward in their wording and easier to follow/obey.

If we take Bucky as someone who doesn't have a sense of self, there is no anchor to what he knows or wants, so the only thing he can responds to is positive and negative messages from outside. Pierce first gives Bucky a carrot "your work has been a gift" before applying pressure. And...my other headcanon is that Bucky is driven by loyalty, which boiled down to its essence is a need to please and protect those he thinks are his people. He's not capable of making his own judgement in this state, so he relies on people he trusts to tell him what's right to do. It's also pertinent to note that what Pierce says gives nothing for Bucky to hang onto about what himself -- he's not given any hint about his identity, his previous beliefs or wants, and he's not given an opportunity to speak. "This is what we want and you've always done the right thing, so you'll do it again, right?"

Pierce probably also knows that Bucky's loyalty is to persons, rather than to organisations (Bucky being not keen to join the army is a good indicator that he doesn't get swept up by crowd sentiment and tends to be loyal to the few people he believes in). This is another reason why Pierce would take a personable tone with Bucky rather than speak about the organisation. It is also interesting that Pierce invokes "freedom", which is something more representative of Steve, but perhaps a word that Bucky responds to because of its familiarity.

I don't think that this scene indicated that Hydra or Pierce was kind to Bucky though. Many abusive/exploitative dynamics will have these little islands of superficial kindness between long periods of abuse and depersonalisation. If anything, it was clear from what followed ("Wipe him") what Pierce offered was an ultimatum, and abuse victims are very good at recognising an unspoken threat even if it's presented in a friendly tone. Pierce gave Bucky the illusion of a choice and Bucky's expressions indicate he understood what the "choices" were - do what he was being asked, or go through the wiping and be made to do what he was asked. Nevertheless, Bucky chose defiance, because when Steve called his name, he suddenly had an identity, whereas with Hydra he didn't, and that was important to him.

[eponymous-rose]

Big sigh of relief today! (Tw for cancer, parental death under the cut)

So it's been almost two years since Mom died of ovarian cancer, and one of the super fun things I learned in the process is that certain kinds of cancer have a strong genetic component. For ovarian cancer, the presence of certain genes can boost your lifetime chance of ovarian cancer from 1.8% (general population baseline) to 50%.

Shortly before she died, my mom managed to get a full genetic workup (we actually got the results a few days after she died) that came back negative, which was a spectacular gift, but I was also very aware that there are very few women on Dad's side of the family and honestly I was just getting anxious about my own chances - seeing someone go from "I'm going to the doctor's office about this upset stomach I can't shake" to dead in five months will do that to you.

Luckily I have phenomenal insurance through work (which obviously shouldn't be a thing, fucking give everyone universal health care as a basic human right regardless of employment status, but I digress), and the campus I work at has some world-class folks working in oncology and genetics. So I got a series of meetings with specialists to talk about me getting genetic testing, and then an appointment this morning to talk to a surgeon/genetics expert about my results.

Everything's negative on my end! Due to a variety of factors, I may actually have a slightly lower lifetime risk than the general population. I learned that I might want to go back on hormonal bc (10 years on the pill have been associated with 40% reduction in ovarian cancer risk, and a hearty fuck-you while I'm at it to everyone who even casually lobbies against birth control) and if I ever go to get my tubes tied, I may want to get the tubes removed altogether instead, but otherwise I'm good to go about my life.

I have a number I can call if anything changes (new cancers in my family, that sort of thing) or if I notice even slightly worrying symptoms. The regular screening methods currently in use for ovarian cancer have not shown any positive effect (and in low-risk patients - of which I am now officially one! - there is a negative effect recorded in the form of false positives leading to unnecessary surgeries), so she recommended against that in my case.

For my fellow ovary-havers: ovarian cancer does have symptoms, but they're often so general that they get dismissed by medical professionals in favor of more ordinary ailments (mom was at the drugstore picking up a prescription for diverticulitis when the doctor's office called to say it actually wasn't diverticulitis after all): bloating, urinary frequency changes, changes in bowel habits... but what really matters is an acute and severe flare of those things. So it's important to be aware of your baseline and take action when there are any major changes.

So, yeah. Feels good (and surreal) after two years to no longer have a potentially dangerous surgery hanging over me (removal of the ovaries super early is associated with higher risk of heart disease, osteoporosis, and dementia, to say nothing of the fun of early menopause). At the same time, I'm extremely aware of how lucky I am to be in a place (both physically and just, y'know, economically?) where all of this expertise was at my disposal and never cost a penny out of pocket.