#we have misha and jensen in our corner

[lila-lou]

✨His true fate - Part 22/?✨

Summary: Jensen hasn't been happy for years. But it seems almost impossible for him to escape. After another nasty argument between him and his wife, he decides to visit his ´former´ best friend for his birthday. Back in Austin, an encounter awaits him that will turn his life completely upside down.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only!, SMUTTTT, Language, age gap, fluff

Word Count: 7322

A/N: English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

You bit your lip, glancing down at Jensen, who was still seated in his chair, absentmindedly rolling his fingertips around as if lost in thought. His brow furrowed slightly, and you could see the traces of tension that lingered in his features despite the banter with Misha and Jared. There was something about the way he sat there, quiet and contemplative, that tugged at your heart.

You ached to be alone with him, to feel his arms around you and to kiss him in the way you could only do behind closed doors. It wasn’t something you could do in public—not with his friends so close by and the attention that always came with being around them. You understood that there were boundaries when it came to his world, boundaries you respected, but that didn’t make the longing any less.

You knew, though, that there were still many weeks ahead of you—weeks where you and Jensen could simply be together, away from the eyes of the public, away from the teasing remarks and the protective glances. There would be quiet mornings, late-night talks, and moments when it was just the two of you. That knowledge grounded you, helped you push aside the urge to retreat somewhere private with him right now.

Jensen must have felt you looking at him because his eyes slowly lifted to meet yours. The softness there—so different from the playful teasing just a few moments ago—said everything. He gave you a small, knowing smile, his hand reaching up to gently squeeze your fingers where they rested on his shoulder. His touch was reassuring, and you knew he felt it too—the desire to be alone, but also the patience that came with the understanding of your current situation.

You smiled back at him, trying to convey through that look how much you understood. He squeezed your hand one more time before slowly standing, his arm instinctively wrapping around your waist once more.

"Alright", Jensen said, his voice steady but warm, pulling himself back into the moment. "Let's go get those drinks".

Jared grinned, clapping Jensen on the back. “That’s the spirit!”.

Misha smirked, leaning toward you both. “And maybe we can find a place with a dimly lit corner where Jensen won’t feel so uptight about showing some PDA”, he teased.

Jensen rolled his eyes good-naturedly but couldn’t hide the grin tugging at his lips. “Don’t push your luck, Misha”.

The four of you headed out of the room, the tension from earlier almost forgotten as the night awaited. And while you couldn’t indulge in everything you wanted to right now, you knew that those moments with Jensen—when it was just the two of you—would come soon enough. For now, you were content with the warmth of his arm around you and the promise of what lay ahead.

A few hours and a few drinks later, the four of you found yourselves tucked away in the back corner of a dimly lit bar. The atmosphere was warm, loud enough to provide privacy but not so noisy that you couldn’t hear each other. The low lighting gave the booth a cozy, intimate feeling, even amid the bar’s hum of activity. Drinks in hand, you all relaxed into the easy rhythm of conversation, the earlier tensions long forgotten.

Misha, ever the instigator, swirled his drink and leaned back against the booth, his eyes still wide with disbelief. “I just can’t believe no one knew about this whole… arrangement”, he said, looking pointedly at Jensen, shaking his head. “You and Danneel have been doing this for how long? And not one person in our circle knew?”.

Jensen sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, his usual sign of discomfort when the topic veered into tricky territory. “Yeah, well, we kept it under wraps”, he said simply, his voice steady but cautious. “It wasn’t anyone’s business, you know?”.

Jared raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. “Wait, so all this time, while the rest of the world thought you two were the picture-perfect couple, you were…?”.

Jensen shrugged, taking a sip of his drink before continuing. “Like I said, we had an understanding. It wasn’t… what people thought it was. It worked for us. For a while”.

Misha shook his head again, clearly still processing. “So, you could just… do whatever you wanted as long as it was behind closed doors?”, he asked incredulously, his voice lowering slightly as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.

Jensen chuckled lightly, more out of discomfort than humor. “Pretty much”, he admitted.

Misha leaned forward slightly, his eyes narrowing with curiosity. “So… does Danneel know about her?”, he asked, nodding toward you with an inquisitive raise of his eyebrow.

Jensen paused, his fingers toying with the edge of his glass as he considered how to answer. He hesitated for a moment longer before mumbling, “Partly”.

You furrowed your brow at that, shifting slightly in your seat as you looked at him. You weren’t aware there had been any partial knowledge, or what that even meant in this situation. Jensen glanced at you, reading the curiosity and mild confusion in your expression.

“She knows there’s someone”, Jensen began, his voice a bit quieter now, a touch of strain beneath the casual tone. “It’s not just the same kind of… casual arrangement we’ve both had before. This is different, and she knows that much. She knows it’s not just me fooling around”.

Misha’s eyebrows shot up, his mouth opening in a knowing “ah”. He took a long sip of his drink before saying, “And that’s what’s bothering her, huh?”.

Jensen nodded slowly, his gaze dropping to the table as he swirled the amber liquid in his glass. “Yeah, it bothers her. She always knew we were both seeing other people—it’s part of the deal—but the idea that I might actually be serious about someone… well, that’s something different for her”.

You felt a pang of realization hit you. While you knew that Jensen and Danneel’s relationship had been unconventional for a while now, you hadn’t really thought about how it might impact her to know that what he had with you was serious. It added a new layer to everything, one that was more complicated than you had anticipated.

Jared, sensing the shift in the conversation, leaned forward, his tone more thoughtful now. “So… she’s okay with the arrangement as long as it’s just casual, but now that she knows it’s not, things are getting messy?”.

Jensen nodded, letting out a small sigh. “Yeah. That pretty much sums it up”.

Misha shook his head, leaning back in his seat. “Man, that’s gotta be tough. I mean, for both of you. Knowing it’s more than just a fling changes the whole dynamic”.

Jensen’s eyes flickered over to you again, his gaze softening as he reached for your hand under the table, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Jensen took a deep breath, his fingers tightening around your hand as if drawing strength from the connection. He hesitated for a moment, clearly weighing his next words before finally speaking, his voice low and filled with a weight that hadn’t been there earlier in the conversation.

“Yesterday, before I flew out here”, Jensen began, his eyes fixed on the table, avoiding everyone’s gaze for a moment. “I told Danneel that I wanted to end things… for good. Divorce”. He let out a small, bitter chuckle, shaking his head as he continued. “And… well, she didn’t take it well”.

There was a heavy silence at the table, everyone processing the gravity of what Jensen had just admitted. You could feel his tension radiating through his grip on your hand, and you shifted slightly closer to him, offering him as much comfort as you could.

Misha, always direct and curious despite the sensitivity of the subject, leaned even more forward, his voice gentler than usual. “What did she say?”, he asked, concern and a bit of hesitancy in his tone. It was clear that even Misha, usually the joker, understood the seriousness of the situation.

Jensen sighed deeply and shook his head slightly before speaking, his voice low and tinged with frustration. “She said a lot of things”, he began. “Mostly about how I was ruining everything—her life, our family, the image we’ve built together. She said I was making the biggest mistake of my life and that I’d regret it”.

He paused for a moment, swallowing hard, clearly still processing the confrontation himself. “She was angry, of course. She felt blindsided, even though we’ve been living separate lives for a while now. But the thing that really stuck with me… she didn’t talk about us or about love or anything like that. It was all about what she stood to lose”.

Jensen let out a bitter laugh. “I think that’s when it hit me—when I realized that this wasn’t about our relationship anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time. It’s about the lifestyle, the reputation…”.

Jensen exhaled deeply, as if trying to physically push away the weight of the conversation. His grip on your hand softened slightly, and he forced a small smile, his expression shifting from the earlier tension. He looked at you, then back at Misha and Jared, and gave a dismissive shrug.

"But, you know…", he mumbled, his voice lighter now, trying to brush it off. "I’ve made up my mind. I’m filing for divorce. It’s just a matter of time now. She can say what she wants, but I’m done living that way".

He ran his fingers through his hair, and for the first time in the conversation, there was a small glint of determination in his eyes, mixed with something else—maybe relief. "So now… I’m here. I’m here to have a good time, especially with you", he said, turning his full attention to you, a real smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

You smiled back at him, grateful for the shift in energy. You could see the relief in his eyes as he allowed himself to focus on the present moment, on being with you and his friends, rather than the complications waiting for him back home.

Misha caught the change in tone immediately and leaned back with a grin. “That’s what I like to hear”, he said, raising his glass once again. “To a good time, then. No more heavy stuff tonight”.

Jared followed suit, raising his own glass. “Yeah, man. We’re here, you’re here, and it’s time to relax. Let’s make the most of it”.

Jensen chuckled, the sound lighter and more genuine than it had been all night. He clinked his glass against Misha’s and Jared’s before turning to you, holding your gaze for a beat longer. “Here’s to that”, he said quietly, his voice warm.

The four of you raised your glasses, the earlier weight of the conversation dissolving into the background as the mood lightened. Jensen, now more relaxed, leaned back in his.

Eventually, after a night filled with laughter and drinks, you and Jensen found yourselves back in the bathroom of your hotel room. The atmosphere was calm now, the lingering tension from the evening finally melting away. You stood in front of the mirror, gently wiping away your makeup, wearing nothing but a soft silk robe that hugged your body.

Jensen stepped into the bathroom quietly, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed above his chest. His eyes watched you with a quiet intensity, taking in the sight of you as you focused on your routine. The soft lighting of the bathroom made the scene feel intimate, the quiet hum of the night contrasting with the lively energy you’d both left behind downstairs.

You caught his reflection in the mirror, his gaze soft but filled with that undeniable spark of admiration and something deeper—something more vulnerable than what he usually let others see. You smiled softly, finishing the last of your makeup removal and placing the wipe on the counter.

“You’re staring”, you teased gently, turning to face him, your fingers lightly adjusting the silk robe tied around your waist.

Jensen chuckled softly, his arms still crossed as he shifted his weight against the doorframe. “Can you blame me?”, he asked, his voice low and warm, filled with a mix of affection and something else you couldn’t quite place.

You stepped toward him, the smooth fabric of your robe brushing against your skin with every movement. When you reached him, you placed a hand on his chest, feeling the warmth of his body beneath your palm.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”, you asked softly, looking up at him with curiosity. You could tell there was more behind his gaze tonight, something deeper lurking beneath the surface.

Jensen uncrossed his arms, one hand gently brushing a strand of hair from your face as he let out a small sigh. “Just… thinking”, he said quietly, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw. “About tonight. About everything”.

Jensen’s hand moved gently across your back, his touch sending a warm shiver through you despite the soft tension in the air. His fingers grazed your spine lightly as if grounding himself in the moment with you. You noticed he was still dressed in his clothes from earlier in the day—jeans and a simple t-shirt that had somehow made him look effortlessly put together, even after everything the night had brought.

You tilted your head slightly, looking up at him through your lashes, your voice quiet and teasing. “I don’t know if I like this deep-in-thoughts Jensen”, you mumbled, a playful smile tugging at your lips as you tried to break through some of the lingering heaviness.

Jensen let out a small chuckle, his lips curving into a gentle smile as his thumb continued to trace the line of your jaw. “Yeah?”, he murmured, his voice soft. “Well, this version of me seems to show up more than I’d like lately”.

You placed a hand on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart under your fingertips, and you could tell he was still working through everything that had happened tonight—everything he’d been carrying for a while now. But even in the midst of all of that, there was a quiet intensity in the way he was looking at you, as if you were the calm in his storm.

“I think I like the relaxed Jensen better”, you teased, your fingers tracing light patterns over his chest. “The one who smiles more… laughs more”.

Jensen’s smile grew a bit wider, and he leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “I’ll work on that”, he whispered against your skin.

His hand slipped under the loose fabric of your robe, resting on your lower back now, and he pulled you closer. You could feel the heat of his body radiating through his clothes, grounding you as you stood there in the quiet intimacy of the moment.

“You know, you help with that”, he admitted, his voice still low but with a warmth that made your heart flutter. “It’s easier to let go of all the other stuff when I’m with you”.

You smiled up at him, your heart swelling at his words. “Good”, you whispered, resting your head against his chest for a moment. “Because I like seeing that side of you”.

Jensen’s arms tightened around you slightly, holding you close as the weight of everything seemed to melt away in the silence. It was just the two of you now, wrapped up in the quiet comfort of each other’s presence.

After a few moments, he leaned back just enough to look down at you, his gaze soft but more relaxed now. “Why don’t we change that deep-in-thoughts Jensen into something more fun?”, he suggested, his voice playful now.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking up at him. “Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?”.

Jensen’s grin turned mischievous, and with a swift but gentle movement, he scooped you up into his arms, making you let out a surprised laugh.

Jensen’s grin widened as he carried you effortlessly out of the bathroom and towards the bed. You wrapped your arms around his neck, still giggling from the sudden movement, feeling a surge of warmth spread through your chest. There was something about the way he looked at you now—playful, yet filled with an intensity that made your pulse quicken.

As he laid you down gently on the bed, hovering above you, he leaned down and brushed a few soft kisses along your jawline. His breath was warm against your skin, sending a shiver through you.

“You know”, he murmured between kisses, his voice low and teasing, “earlier tonight, you said something about me… neglecting you”. He moved his lips down to your neck, his kisses feather-light and deliberate.

You felt a thrill at his words, biting your lip to suppress the smile threatening to spread across your face. “Mmm, did I now?”, you teased back, your fingers sliding into his hair, pulling him closer.

Jensen pulled back just slightly to meet your eyes, his gaze darkening with playful intensity. “Yeah, you did. You said I didn’t take my time with you. That I was too rough, too fast”, he continued, his fingers gently tracing the edge of your robe, teasing the fabric.

You could feel your heart racing at his words, your breath hitching slightly as he looked down at you with that mix of desire and affection. “Well, you were”, you teased, your voice light but carrying a challenge. “You didn’t exactly take your time earlier…”.

Jensen chuckled softly, shaking his head as he trailed his fingers down your side, leaving a heated path in their wake. “I suppose I owe you an apology then”, he murmured, leaning in closer again. “But maybe I can make it up to you… if you let me”.

You shivered under his touch, your lips parting slightly as you felt the weight of his words. He was close now, his face inches from yours, and you could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin.

“I’m listening”, you whispered, your voice barely above a breath, anticipation buzzing between you.

Jensen’s eyes darkened with a mix of desire and mischief as he hovered just above you. His hand slid slowly from your side to your waist, fingers grazing your skin lightly, sending shivers through you. He leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear as he spoke, his voice a low, sensual murmur.

“You know”, he whispered, his breath hot against your ear, “I could take my time with you. Make sure every touch, every kiss, is exactly what you need. I want to feel you tremble beneath me, see you lose control”.

His lips traced a line down your neck, his breath warm and teasing. “I want to make you forget everything but how good it feels when I’m inside you”, he continued, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. “I want to draw out every moan until you’re begging for more”.

You felt your breath quicken, your body responding to his words with a mix of eagerness and anticipation. His hand slid up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly across your lips before leaning in to capture them in a tender kiss. It was a kiss that started slow and deep, building in intensity, just as he promised.

“You like the sound of that?”, he asked, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes, a teasing smile playing on his lips. “I want to make sure you get exactly what you need tonight. Tell me what you want”.

You pulled Jensen closer by his neck, your fingers curling around his strong, warm skin. Your lips found his with a sense of urgency, the kiss deep and hungry as if you were both trying to make up for lost time. Jensen responded instantly, his hands moving to frame your face, his fingers tangling in your hair as he kissed you back with equal fervor.

The world outside seemed to disappear as you lost yourself in the intensity of the moment. The kisses were both tender and demanding, a blend of passion and affection that had your heart racing and your body yearning for more.

“Tell me what you want,” he murmured again, his voice low and rough, brushing his lips against yours lightly as he spoke.

“I want you”, you breathed, your hands sliding down to grip his shirt, pulling him closer again. “I want you to show me exactly how you’re going to make it up to me”.

Jensen’s smile widened, a mixture of satisfaction and anticipation lighting up his face. He leaned in, capturing your lips once more, his kisses becoming more insistent and heated. His hands roamed over your body with a renewed sense of purpose.

Jensen’s kisses trailed down your neck again, each touch light and reverent. His fingers delicately traced the edges of your silk robe, gently parting the fabric as he explored the skin beneath. His breath was warm against your collarbone, causing a shiver to run through your body with the gentle contact.

As the robe fell open, Jensen took a moment to look down, his gaze sweeping over your body. Each time he saw you like this, it was as if he was seeing you anew, and his reaction was always the same—a deep, overwhelming admiration mixed with a hint of disbelief at his own fortune. His face softened as he leaned against your collarbone, his lips pressing a tender kiss there.

You pressed his head gently against your skin, guiding him closer as your legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him flush against you. The closeness heightened the electric sensation of his touch, making your heart race faster.

“I need you, Jay”, you whispered, your voice trembling slightly with the depth of your desire. The words were barely audible, but they carried the weight of your need and longing.

Jensen’s breath hitched at your plea, his body responding to the urgency in your voice. He nuzzled against your neck, his hands gripping your hips with a firm, yet tender pressure. “I’m right here”, he murmured. “I’m here”.

His lips traveled from your collarbone to the hollow of your throat, his kisses growing more fervent as he continued to explore you. His hands moved to your back, drawing you closer, as if he were trying to meld himself with you.

“I’m not going anywhere”, he promised, his words mingling with his kisses, his touch both comforting and thrilling. “You have all of me, right here”.

He tilted your head slightly to access your mouth more fully, his kiss deepening, expressing the intense desire he felt for you. Every touch, every kiss was a testament to the connection between you both—a connection that was as passionate as it was profound.

You broke the kiss, your breath coming in soft, uneven bursts as you gazed up at him. With a determined look, you reached for his shirt, your fingers deftly working to undo the buttons. Each movement was filled with a mix of urgency and tenderness, as you sought to remove the barrier between you.

Jensen’s eyes never left yours, his expression a mixture of anticipation and affection. He lifted his arms to assist as you pulled the shirt free from his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor beside the bed. The sight of his bare chest made your heart race even more, and you could see the same admiration and desire reflected in his eyes.

He leaned in again, his lips finding yours in a searing kiss, his hands moving to cradle your face. The warmth of his skin against yours intensified the connection between you, making every touch and kiss feel even more significant.

As the kiss deepened, Jensen’s hands roamed over your body, exploring the newfound freedom of skin against skin. His touch was gentle yet assertive, a perfect balance that made every moment feel electric.

You wrapped your legs around his hips tighter, urging him closer, feeling the heat of his body pressed against yours. The intimacy of the moment was palpable, a blend of passion and tenderness that made everything else fade away.

As Jensen’s body pressed against yours, the sensation of his hard erection rubbing against your already heated and wet core sent waves of pleasure through you. His movements were deliberate and teasing, his clothed hardness sliding against your sensitive skin.

“You feel that?”, Jensen murmured, his breath hot against your neck. He shifted his hips slightly, the friction intensifying the delicious pressure. “Can you feel how much I want you?”.

You moaned in response, the sensation making it difficult to form coherent words. Jensen’s lips pressed against your skin, his tongue flicking out to taste you as he continued to move against you. “Use your words”, he urged, his voice low and insistent. “Tell me what you’re feeling”.

The pressure of his body, combined with his teasing movements, made it hard to focus. “It feels… so good”, you managed to gasp out, your hands gripping his shoulders tighter as the pleasure built. “I can feel how much you want me”.

Jensen’s smile was almost predatory as he continued to kiss and suck on your neck, his hips pressing firmly against you. “That’s right”, he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “I want you so badly".

You bit your lip, trying to hold back your moans as his movements became more intense. “I need you”, you finally managed to say, your voice trembling with urgency. “I need you inside me”.

Jensen’s groan vibrated against your neck, echoing the growing need within you both. His hands briefly left your body, and you instantly missed his touch. He sat back, eyes locked on yours as he quickly unbuttoned his jeans.

He returned to you in a heartbeat, his movements even more purposeful now.

Jensen hovered above you, his eyes dark. The heat from his body radiated onto you, enveloping you in a cocoon of warmth and anticipation. He gripped himself firmly, his hand moving slowly over his length, preparing himself with a meticulous, deliberate touch that was as much for your arousal as it was for his readiness.

“You see what you do to me?”, he murmured, his voice low and husky. His eyes never left yours, holding your gaze with an intensity that made your heart flutter. Slowly, he aligned himself with you, the tip of his hardness pressing gently against you, teasing the promise of what was to come.

His other hand moved to trace the contour of your face, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. The tenderness of the gesture juxtaposed with the raw, palpable desire in his movements. He leaned down, his lips barely touching yours, breathing you in, his control almost slipping but not quite.

“Tell me if you want more”, he said, his breath a warm whisper against your lips. The restraint in his voice contrasted sharply with the evident need in his body, visible in the way his muscles tensed, ready to claim the intimacy you both craved.

Jensen waited for your affirmation, the air charged with electricity, your shared breaths the only sound in the quiet room. As you nodded, whispering your consent, he gently pushed forward, enveloping himself in the warmth of your welcome.

The moment Jensen began to move, the sensation was intoxicating, each slow, deliberate thrust designed to heighten the sense of union between you. His eyes stayed locked on yours, watching every flicker of pleasure, every slight shift of emotion that crossed your face.

The rhythm he set was unhurried, allowing each sensory detail to be amplified—the slick sound of skin meeting skin, the soft bedding beneath you, the dim light casting shadows that played across Jensen’s focused expression.

His free hand never stilled; it roamed from your face down to your shoulders, tracing the line of your collarbone with a featherlight touch that caused shivers to ripple through your body. His fingers then danced downwards, circling around the delicate skin of your breasts, thumb brushing lightly over a nipple, eliciting a soft gasp from your lips.

“Does this feel good?”, Jensen whispered, his voice a mere breath as he adjusted his angle slightly, hitting a depth that made you moan in response. He took your moan as an affirmation, continuing his exploration, his movements growing incrementally more firm, more assured.

Jensen’s pace gradually built, each thrust becoming more insistent, though never losing the smooth, controlled grace that he had maintained from the beginning. The tension in your body began to coil tightly, pleasure pooling and spiraling with each pass of his body against yours.

Your hands reached up to his shoulders, nails digging slightly into his skin as a wave of intensity washed over you. He responded to the slight pain with a deep groan, his own control beginning to fray at the edges as he felt your body responding so viscerally to his.

“Look at me”, he commanded gently, and you fixed your eyes on his.

As the intensity of your movements grew, Jensen's breath became heavier, matching the rhythm of his thrusts. He leaned closer, his lips just a whisper away from yours, his gaze never leaving your eyes. "Tell me you feel me", he murmured, each word punctuated by a deep, purposeful stroke that sent waves of pleasure coursing through you.

"I feel you", you gasped. "Every inch".

Jensen's smile was both triumphant and hungry. "Good", he replied, his voice thick with arousal. "Because every part of me is yours tonight". His hand slid from your breast down to where your bodies joined, his fingers expertly teasing, heightening the sensation that pulsed through you both.

"You're close, aren't you?", he coaxed, his movements becoming even more targeted, designed to push you over the edge. "Let go for me".

Your response was a moan, high and needy, and it seemed to drive him even more. Jensen’s thrusts quickened, his fingers moved with precision, and his eyes burned into yours, intent on witnessing every moment of your surrender.

"Come for me", Jensen commanded, his voice a seductive growl that vibrated through your core. "Show me how much you need me".

The room spun as you clung to his words, your climax building rapidly. With a few more calculated movements, you felt the dam break, waves of intense pleasure rolling over you in a relentless tide, leaving you breathless and quivering. Jensen followed close behind, his own release overtaking him as he buried his face against your neck, his body tensing, then shuddering with the force of his orgasm.

As you both caught your breath, Jensen’s kisses became softer, more tender, tracing a line along your jaw as he whispered, "Perfect, just like always". His words wrapped around you, just as his arms did, holding you in a gentle.

As Jensen's lips found your neck again, softly sucking at the tender skin, you felt every residual pulse from him—a quiet aftershock of the intensity you'd both shared. Your fingers curled into his hair, tugging gently, encouraging his gentle exploration.

He chuckled softly, the vibration against your skin sending a shiver down your spine. His body still joined with yours, he felt every subtle clench of your body around him, even as he softened.

"You're making it hard to stop", Jensen murmured, pressing a kiss to your collarbone. "Literally", he added with a mischievous grin, feeling a reactive twitch that contradicted his earlier softening.

Your laughter mingled with his, the sound light and full of warmth. "Maybe I don't want you to stop", you whispered back, playful yet sincere, drawing him in for another deep, lingering kiss.

His hips shifting slightly in a slow, teasing motion that suggested the evening was far from over. "Then we won't", Jensen said, his words a promise as his gaze locked onto yours with renewed desire and a hint of challenge. "We'll keep going as long as you can take it".

With a mischievous twinkle in your eye, you arched an eyebrow. “Can you get hard for me again?”, you teased, a smirk playing at your lips, challenging him with a tone laced with both amusement and desire.

Jensen’s eyes darkened as his pride kicked in. He gave a low, confident laugh. “You really want to test me?”, he replied, his voice a mix of amusement and arousal. He shifted again, aligning his body more closely with yours, his expression turning determined.

With a slight thrust, he repositioned himself, his hands roaming to caress the curves of your body, rekindling the fire that had barely simmered down. “Watch me”, he whispered huskily, leaning in to capture your lips in a passionate kiss that spoke volumes of his intent.

His kisses trailed down your neck, each touch lingering longer, more provocatively, as if he were painting an invisible trail with his lips. His hands were equally persuasive, stroking and teasing, building the anticipation between you.

You felt him responding to your provocations, the physical proof of his arousal growing once again. His breath caught slightly as he felt the change, a grin spreading across his face. “Looks like I’m up for the challenge”, Jensen murmured against your skin, a hint of victory in his voice.

He pressed his hips deliberately against yours, his hardness unmistakable as he made his point clear. The firm contact made you moan softly, the sound a mixture of surprise and pleasure that fueled his confidence further.

“I think that proves it”, he teased, his voice low and husky, thrilled by your reaction. He maintained the pressure, moving his hips in a slow, grinding motion that had you gasping, each movement precise and calculated to remind you of his physical capabilities.

“Does that feel good?”, Jensen asked, a rhetorical question wrapped in a growl, as he adjusted his angle to press even more insistently against you.

Your hands clung to his back, nails pressing into his skin as a way to anchor yourself against the wave of sensations he was expertly drawing out of you. “Jensen”, you managed to utter, your voice breathy and laden with desire, urging him on without needing to say much more.

Jensen’s grin grew even more knowing as he heard the breathy urgency in your voice. With deliberate intent, he reached for the headboard of the bed, gripping it tightly as his muscles tensed.

He slowly withdrew from you, each inch of separation heightening the anticipation between you. The moment he pulled back, you felt a pang of longing, an almost unbearable need for his full presence. Jensen seemed to savor the sensation of you clenching around him, your body craving the return of his depth.

Without warning, he thrust back into you, but this time it was with a single, slow, and incredibly deep movement. The depth of his penetration was thorough, stretching you to the limit and causing a gasp to escape your lips as you felt every inch of him inside you. His eyes were fixed on yours, watching the transformation of your pleasure with an intense focus.

The sensation was overwhelming, a potent mix of fullness and the slow burn of pleasure that seemed to stretch every second into an eternity. Jensen’s grip on the headboard was tight, his breathing heavy.

“Feel that?”, he murmured, his voice a low growl, both intimate and commanding.

Jensen’s slow, deep thrusts continued, each movement sending ripples of pleasure through your entire being. The depth of his penetration and the deliberate pace had you gasping and moaning breathlessly, the sensations so intense that you could barely contain them.

With every thrust, you felt him stretch you, each push hitting the very core of your pleasure. The combination of his steady rhythm and the overwhelming fullness made you clench around him, the intensity of the moment causing you to curse softly in a mix of pleasure and frustration.

“Fuck, Jensen”, you breathed out, your voice strained and desperate. Your fingers gripped the sheets tightly, knuckles whitening as you anchored yourself against the relentless waves of sensation he was drawing from you.

He kept his eyes locked on you, taking in every reaction, every shiver of your body as he continued his deliberate pace. “I want to hear you”, he urged, his voice rough with desire. “Let me know how good it feels”.

His command only intensified your moans, each sound a testament to the overwhelming pleasure he was providing. You could feel yourself getting closer to a breaking point, the pressure building with each slow, deep stroke.

Jensen seemed to sense your rising climax, his movements becoming even more controlled and calculated, ensuring that every thrust was exactly what you needed to reach the peak of your desire.

"Let me hear you", Jensen demanded, his tone insistent. "Louder".

His words were a direct challenge, stoking the fire of your arousal. With each deeper, faster thrust, you couldn't help but respond. Your moans grew louder, filling the room, a mix of pleasure and the sheer intensity of the sensations cascading through you.

Jensen's hands moved from the headboard to your hips, gripping them tightly as he adjusted the angle, aiming to deepen his thrusts even further. The new position hit just the right spot, sending sparks of pleasure zipping through your nerves. Your back arched off the bed in response, pushing against him, seeking more.

"That's it", he growled approvingly, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction at your vocal response.

The room echoed with the sound of your combined moans and the rhythmic creaking of the bed. Jensen's control was impeccable, managing to balance on the edge of his own release while focusing entirely on your experience. His every move, every sound, and every touch was designed to bring you both to a powerful climax together.

“Come on”, Jensen urged, his voice low and gritty with desire. “I want to hear you scream for me”.

You could barely manage a coherent response, your voice a breathy, desperate mix of moans and gasps. “Jensen, I’m… so close”, you managed to plead, your body arching in response to each powerful thrust.

“Good”, he growled, his voice rough as he pushed deeper. “Let go for me. Show me how much you need me”.

The pressure in your core built rapidly, each of his movements pushing you closer to the brink. The relentless pace and the intensity of his touch were overwhelming, your climax imminent.

“Tell me how bad you want it”, Jensen demanded, his voice a harsh whisper against your ear.

“I want it so fucking bad”, you cried out, your voice cracking with the force of your release.

With a final, powerful thrust, both of you reached the peak simultaneously. Jensen’s groan was deep and primal, a sound of raw satisfaction as he felt your body convulse around him. Your own climax hit with explosive force, your cries of pleasure mingling with his as you both succumbed to the overwhelming wave of ecstasy.

After the climaxes subsided, Jensen’s breathing gradually slowed, though the intensity of the moment still lingered in the room. He pulled you closer, his touch now gentle and affectionate as he began to catch his breath. His gaze was both amused and satisfied as he looked at you, a playful smirk forming on his lips.

“Funny”, Jensen murmured after a while, his voice low and teasing, “you were complaining about me being too rough earlier”. His fingers lightly traced along your damp skin, a contrast to the roughness you’d experienced moments before.

You looked at him, still catching your breath, your face flushed but smiling. “You were”, you replied, though there was no real annoyance in your tone, just the lingering thrill of pleasure.

Jensen’s smirk widened further. “Yet here you are, coming the hardest when I fuck you exactly like that”, he teased, his voice a warm rumble that seemed to vibrate directly into your heart.

The comment made your cheeks heat up even more, a deep blush spreading across your face. In a playful attempt to hide your embarrassment, you covered your face with both hands.

Jensen’s eyes softened with a mix of adoration and amusement as he watched your cheeks flush deeply. He gently took your hands away from your face, his touch tender despite the teasing nature of his words.

“That’s exactly what I adore about you”, he murmured. “You can be so innocent and still such a dirty little mess at the same time”.

Jensen noticed the subtle changes in your body as you responded to his words—your breath catching, your body tensing slightly. The faint but unmistakable clench around him drew a deeper grin, his eyes darkening with renewed desire.

“Like that, huh?”, he teased, his voice a silky whisper that made the air between you crackle. He shifted slightly, adjusting his position to maintain the delicious pressure that elicited such an honest reaction from you. “You can’t hide how much you love this, can you?”. Jensen’s tone was both cocky and warm, a combination that made his teasing all the more intoxicating.

You could only nod, your breathing heavy, as every word he spoke seemed to resonate through you, deepening your arousal. Jensen’s hands moved from your face, tracing down your neck, over your shoulders, and along the sensitive skin of your sides, his touch light but deliberate, designed to tease and provoke.

He leaned in, his lips hovering just above yours, his breath mingling with your own.

"You're something else", Jensen murmured, his lips brushing against yours with each word, barely touching yet sending shivers down your spine. His voice was a blend of wonder and desire, thick with emotion that resonated deeply within you.

His gaze held yours, intense and unyielding, as he paused to study your reaction, seeming to relish the slight quiver of your lips and the quick rise and fall of your chest. His fingers continued their exploration, now sliding down to trace the curve of your waist, coming to rest at the small of your back, pulling you closer into him, erasing any space that remained.

The closeness intensified the connection, the heat between you nearly tangible. Jensen's control was palpable, yet so was the affection and genuine admiration he held for you, making his allure almost magnetic.

"I mean it", he continued. "You captivate me like no other".

The sincerity in his voice, combined with the deliberate movements of his body, stirred a profound response within you. You felt enveloped not just by his physical presence but by the intensity of his emotions. His words, laden with affection and admiration, seemed to echo through you, heightening the intimacy of the moment.

Jensen finally closed the scant distance between your lips, sealing the words with a kiss that was both a promise and a claim—a slow, deep melding of mouths that spoke of shared desire and the unspoken acknowledgment of the bond between you.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰

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Part 23

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Taglist: @cheynovak @chriszgirl92 @jenniferr0323 @angelbabyyy99 @cevansbaby-dove @muhahaha303 @jackles010378 @suckitands33 @n-o-p-e-never @mayafatimakhan @ladysparkles78 @viviandarkbloom06 @jassackles @evasmlp @acklesaddict67 @mostlymarvelgirl @emma1998sblog @mishaesque @headinthemoon87 @hobby27 @winchesterwild78 @impala67rollingthroughtown @manicjk @kr804573 @zaratahir @djs8891 @winchesterwild78 @jamerlynn @whimsyfinny @libby99hb @deansimpalababy @deans-queen @kawaii-arfid-memes @faephoria @stoneyggirl2 @fitxgrld @luvr4miya @yikeschoices @lyssalvus @soab1967 @luvr4miya @didi0666 @impala67rollingthroughtown @cheekygirl2309

[deangirlsstuff67]

Birthday Boy

Jensen Ackles x reader

Warnings: Drinking, P in V, Unprotected sex, Fingering, Oral (m and f receiving), Squirting, Dirty talk

Summary: Jensen has given up on finding his happily ever after. Now that he's 45 he just doesn't see the point anymore. Jared, Misha, and the SPN cast take him out on the town to celebrate and lift his spirits. That's when he looks eyes with a beautiful woman. After one too many whiskeys they go back to his place, where he learns age is only a number.

Authors note: I love Jensen and his family. I mean them no disrespect. This is set in set in a world where Jensen is single. This is a work of fiction for nothing more than entertainment.

Masterlist | Patreon

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We walk into a bar that Jared and I found when we first came to Vancover for season one. The small, dingy, dive bar is a hidden gem that we have visited many times. Whether it was marriage, divorce, birthdays, or deaths, these four walls hold many memories for the supernatural cast and crew.

The group of us find a couple empty tables and take a seat. A lovely blonde waitress makes her way over for our drink order. Tonight we are celebrating my 45th birthday.

Getting older isnt as bad as your younger self believes. It's like a prize for surviving all the bullshit of your 20s. You no longer care what people think of you. You can go to bed early if you want without being judged. And you make the transition from hot and sexy, to handsome and distinguished.

I can't complain.

The blonde makes her way back with a tray of our drinks. Tonight we have Jared, Misha, Rob, Rich, Kim, Brianna, Mark, and Ruth with us.

She hands me my whiskey double. A sexy, flirty smile lights up her face for the brief moment we lock eyes so I can thank you. I smile politely back at the young lady. Seriously, I could be her dad.

--‐-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three whiskey doubles in, laughs and smiles floating around our table, I got to say this has turned out to be a good night. Jared leans over and speaks directly in my ear so I can hear over the music coming from the speakers, "dont look now but you got a y/h/c who cant keep her eyes away from you."

Great, cue eye roll. Women have been nothing but problematic for me. They either want fame, money, connections, or someone I know. I've given up in that department.

Way too old for that shit.

"It's not going to kill you to have a look man." Jared sighs dramatically at me.

"You never know, it might." But it's too late my interest is peaked. I'm a sucker for a y/h/c. I slowly scan the bar until I lock eyes with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Well shit.

She's younger than me, though I don't know by how much. Casually dressed in blue jeans that hug her curves perfect and a over sized ACDC t-shirt tucked into all the right places. She simple smiles and raises her glass of amber liquor in a silent toast.

I can feel the corners of my lips curve as I toast her back. Then as quickly as the moment settled between us, it was gone and she took her friends arm as they walked out the front doors.

Dammit.

"Man I'm sorry," Misha looks over at me, "she looked interested."

Rich comes to sit on our side of the table, "ĥows the birthday boy doing?"

"Thought he was ging to get lucky tonight, but she left." Jared whisper yells. I can't stop the eye roll, the more he drinks the more of a man child he becomes.

This bit of information intrigues Rich, "you meanthe pretty y/h/c that’s walked back in?" He says with a sly smirk resting on his face.

We all watch as she glides up to the bar to speak with the young man playing bartender tonight. I can't tear my eyes away from her or how her hips sway with every step. She's a work of art. Curves in all the right places, looks like she eats more than salad. I swear she's every man's wet dream come true.

She turns and smirks as she makes her way over to our table with a tray of shot glasses, a knowing look sparkling in her y/e/c eyes. I feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment knowing she caught us all gawking at her.

Placing the tray down in front of the four of us, she picks up a shot and tips hers ead back to drain her glass. I watch as she swallows the liquid, swallowing down the dirty thoughts it promotes in my whiskey soaked brain.

"Happy Birthday Beautiful, now drink." She passes over a shot, which I take without hesitation. I drain the glass, the burn of vodka ever present in my throat, before finding my voice.

"How do you..."

She answer before I can finish my thought, "I'm a fan. Don’t worry it's not in a creepy stalker kind of way. I just couldnt pass up the opportunityto buy my favorite actor a shot on his birthday." She shrugs before taking another shot. There's something sexy about a woman who can hold her liquor.

"I'm y/n by the way." She turns to leave, before she can take a step I get out of my seat and wrap her in a hug, pulling her close to my chest.

Beautiful y/e/c irises stare into mine as she searches for the reason behind the embrace. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear I softly smile down at her, "I want you to stay."

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"Shit, I dropped the keys." Y/N is wrapped around my body, pressed against the door to my apartment. Trying to unlock a door while having a beautiful woman kissing down my neck is more than distracting.

After some struggle we fall into my apartment. Guiding her backwards towards my room, hitting walls along the way. We haven't stopped kissing since getting into the cab at the bar.

She's addictive. Her taste. Her smell. I need this woman.

Breaking apart she sauntered to my bed, stripping her clothes along the way. My cock is throbbing in the jeans I'm wearing, begging for me to release it.

She crawls onto my bed positioning herself in a kneeling position. Legs spread wide showing just how dripping wet she is for me. Slowly I remove my clothing, watching as she plays with herself waiting for me. My cock drips with pre cum in anticipation. Knowing just how hot and bothered I made her with limited touching gets me high.

Walking towards the bed, y/n meets me at the edge. I stare down at her as she lowers herself before locking a strip from the base of my cock to the tip. Groaning I throw my head back at the sensation.

After a few minutes of kitten licks, y/n takes me in her mouth the first go. Straight to the base and swallowing around me. My hips jerk, hands rake through her long hair as I hold on. She's blowing my freaking mind, "Darling, I'm not going to last." She swirls her tongue around the head of my shaft, it almost does me in.

"Sweetheart... y/n... you have to stop... please"

She comes off my cock with a loud 'pop', smiling up at me while wiping her mouth.

Fuck that's hot.

Pushing her in the chest I force her to lay on the bed, "my turn," kissing my way down her soft curves to her sweet spot, wet and waiting for me.

Inhaling her sweet scent, making my head spin, "you smell delicious baby girl." Then I dive in like man starved.

Alternating between broad strokes and sucking her clit. I smile I to her center as I watch the bliss out look on her face as she shakes and squirms beneath me. Whatever I was feeling about getting older has been drowned out by her moans and whimpers as I bring to the edge before backing off, over and over again.

Rising above her tasting her on my lips, I learn down taking her mouth with mine, sharing her sweetness. My fingers trail down her body before pludging into her hot, wet center. My pace is fast as I curl my fingers, finding her g spot.

Her body jerks forward as she let's out a beautifully loud moan before I feel her soaking my hand, wrist, and thighs, "fuck darling, did you just squirt?"

Pink colors her cheeks while she looks away from me. "Hey, dont be embarassed. That's the sexiest thing I've ever experienced. " I kiss her deeply as I feed my shaft into her quivering walls. What an amazing feeling that is.

Looking down I watch her body struggle to take my girth as I bottom out inside her. Staying still to allow her to adjust before I slowly withdraw to my tip and slowly sink back into her warmth. My room is filled with nothing but moans from her, groans from me, and the wet squelched noise as our bodies become one.

Our rhythm is steady as we use our bodies to bring the other pleasure with each thrust. One, two, three more thrusts and y/n is pushing me out of her before she soaks my thigh and cock in her essence again. It's what tips me over the age as I shove myself back in making her gasp before emptying myself into my own personal heaven.

Sweat covered, limbs shaking, breathe labored, I collapse beside her after pulling out. Wrapping my arms around her I bring her into my chest as we come down from our highs together.

"That was amazing darling."

"Mhm... it was" her sleepy voice whispers into my body.

I hold her as she drifts to sleep in my arms. Happiness washes over me. I don't know her but something about this woman has intertwined deep in my soul. I look down at her kissing her forehead, "I hope this becomes more... "

I close my eyes as sleep takes me.

[hornystiel]

actually you know what. I tag my actor stuff because I want like minded people to see it but also because I guess those who otherwise like following me aside from this can filter it or for any other person to filter it idc

so why the hell I keep seeing stuff about burning misha collins on the pyre or throwing jensen ackles from a cliff or calling him a fag or whatever without any tags in sight. and from people who I like following otherwise. like shouldn't it be a mutually beneficial thing. even if it's a 'jokey metaphor' which you find very funny I don't care? I should have an option not to see it? it's common courtesy really

I won't go in the corner and cry if I see one two three etc jokes like this, I keep seeing them every time there's a con, but it sure as hell sours my experience

we all can do whatever on our blogs and nobody should tell us shit but if we follow other people and are followed too shouldn't we at least try to accommodate

[sunshineshellers]

Season's Greetings from Sunshine Shellers 💚💙

Six months ago, a queued post full of hope and devoid of expectation was unleashed upon the tumblrsphere. It was a result of a vision I had due to some unfortunate encounters in other areas of this fandom; a space where people were free to fangirl(gn) over Jensen and Misha without judgement or like they had some shameful secret. I had spent the prior few weeks pouring my soul into making that vision a reality, so it was with anxious anticipation (and A LOT of reassurance from a very lovely hype squad) that the doors to Sunshine Shellers opened on that bleary Wednesday morning in June.

However, absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what this server has become and I am so very, very grateful to each and every person who has taken a chance on our little corner of the dumpster.

In the past six months, we have become a chaotic, codependent, incomprehensible, unhinged and loving family, and I am grateful every day that something I created brings people so much joy.

My Christmas wish this year is for this to continue, so here's to the next six months and beyond! Bring on more chaos, more shenanigans, more horniness, more analysis, more screaming, more reassuring encouragement, more teasing terms of endearment, more seemingly endless video chats, more of whatever this unhinged space evolves into next. May we always have two beautiful idiots in love to squee over!

And there's always room for more amongst us! It was never my intention to create an exclusive club, so our invite link (in the tagged post) is open for all cockles perceivers for the foreseeable future. Come play with us!

Love always, Chloe 💖 (@the-rollerchloster)

[spencereliotwinchester]

Under the Mistletoe

Title: Under the Mistletoe

Word Count: ~8.4k 

Summary: Moving on is difficult and sometimes includes uprooting to a new state thousands of miles away. Just before Christmas. 

This fic takes place currently, 2022, but ages have been slightly adjusted.

Jensen is 45, Christian is 45, Jared is 38

Rating: Teen, 13+ 

Tags: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins (past), Christian Kane, Padalecki Family, Genvieve Cortese, Timothy Hutton, meet-cute, floof/fluff, schmoop, slight angst, loss, rom-com, Christmas, Alternate Universe

A/N:  Merry Christmas @cleighwrites! This was written for @spnfanficpond Secret Santa, please enjoy. Also I don’t know how it got to be this long, but, I’m proud of it!

Thank you to my beta @mariekoukie6661 

Divider by @rauko-creates

Banner art by yours truly

Main Character(s): Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki

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Tags: 

@hoboal87 @writethelifeyouwant @mrswhozeewhatsis @negans-lucille-tblr @synmorite @rauko-is-a-free-elf

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“Jensen, what the hell, man?” Christian sighed loudly from the kitchen.

“What?” Jensen grunted, shoving a large cardboard box into a corner; there were only twenty or so more boxes to bring in. 

“Wanna tell me why, after we’ve moved two-thousand miles from home, there’s still a fucking check for thirty thousand dollars stuck to our fridge via gummy bear magnet? I thought you deposited it!” Christian had moved into the doorway and was waving his hands around with annoyance. 

“Yeah, it’s on my list of shit to do,” Jensen groused, turning away and trudging out into the snow to get another box from the moving van. 

Christian was his very best friend; they’d been best friends since second grade, roommates in college, then just never really separated after that, but sometimes Christian just didn’t know when to let something go and Jensen was irritated. He shoved some boxes to the back door of the van to make them easier to grab; Jensen rolled his eyes as Christian’s form came into view. 

“Dude, please, we moved here to ‘get away from everything’ as you said. ‘Start over.’ Remember what the therapist guy said? You need to make that deposit so you can fully heal. The. Check. We’re going to the bank tomorrow and you’re gonna deposit it,” Christian begged. 

“Can you just drop it?! We’re supposed to be unpacking!” Jensen snapped. He took a deep breath. “Please, Chris, drop it. Let’s unpack the truck that way I’m not doing everything by myself when you go home for Christmas.” 

Christian gave him a pitying look, blue eyes filled with sadness, but he said nothing, just grabbed two boxes and walked out of sight. Jensen shoved a few more boxes to the door, feeling heavy and hollow at the same time. As Jensen went to jump down from the van, he slipped on the melted snow from his boots and tumbled out into the snow. He swore up a storm as he tried to stand, only to slip and fall again. 

“Jeez! You okay? Let me help you up.” 

Jensen grabbed the offered hand and stood up, looking to see who had helped him. The voice clearly wasn’t Christian’s; he was also surprised that he had to look up to see the guy’s face. The man had about four inches on him and Jensen had to admit that he was really attractive. He had shaggy hair tucked behind his ears and a warm, dimpled smile surrounded by some light scruff. 

“Thanks,” Jensen smiled. “I’m Jensen. Jensen Collins.”

“Jared Padalecki. Uh, here,” he held out a saran covered plate to Jensen, who looked at him questioningly. “Oh, my Ma made a welcome plate for you guys when she saw the moving van. Had me bring it over. Your beard is completely covered in snow by the way.”

“Thanks again!” Jensen laughed. “Want to come in? I need a break and something to drink... And dry off my beard, apparently.” 

“Sure!” Jared said brightly, then he placed the plate on top of one of the boxes and picked it up. Jensen started to protest, but Jared was already halfway up the path. Jensen grabbed another box and followed to the two-story cottage he and Christian had bought. 

The cottage was made of stone and was on the larger side, so Jensen and Christian could each have a bedroom and office; there were two spare bedrooms in case friends or family came to visit, too. The boxwood bushes that lined the front of the house were snow covered and the fire that Christian had started when they arrived was glowing through the bay window. 

“Chris!” He yelled, setting the box next to Jared’s in the living room. Jensen beckoned Jared toward the kitchen; Jared settled himself at the island while Jensen started digging through boxes for cups. He yelled again, “Chris!” 

“What in the hell’re you hollerin’ about?” Christian asked exasperatedly when he stepped into the kitchen a minute later; he was tying a bandana into a headband to keep his hair out of his face. He looked from Jared to Jensen, an eyebrow quirked up. 

“Jared, this is Christian; Chris, Jared. His Ma made us some snacks and I want a drink. Where are the damn coffee cups?” Jensen asked, leaning against the counter and throwing his hands up in defeat. He took a hand towel and scrubbed it through his bushy facial hair. 

Christian grabbed a folder from the counter and flipped through some pages. Jensen started unwrapping the plate Jared had set on the island. There were cookies, peanut clusters, chocolate covered pretzels, some kind of dried meat, and crackers. When he looked over his shoulder, Christian had started digging through one of the boxes.

“That’s venison jerky,” Jared supplied, reaching forward and snatching a piece. 

Christian set three coffee mugs next to Jensen and grabbed a piece of venison with a cracker. 

“You know, you can look through the list of boxes, too. It’s why I made that,” Christian complained as he chewed. “A whole list of what’s inside each box with pictures and box numbers. Whatcha plannin’ on putting in these cups?” 

“Chris, where’s the coffee pot?” Jensen asked innocently. Jared snorted. 

“You are so damn useless.” Christian snarked, going back to the folder and boxes. 

“So, uh, where’d you move from?” Jared asked curiously, looking at Jensen. Jensen was taken aback by how expressive his eyes were.

“Denver. We’re from Texas originally though. Went to Denver for college and then just settled in a bit,” Jensen answered evenly, hoping Jared wasn’t going to ask why they’d moved. 

“What made you decide to pick up and come out to Mass? That’s a huge change.” No luck. 

“I got a nice job offer out here,” Christian interjected; Jensen breathed a sigh of relief.

“Really? What d’you do?” 

“I’m in linguistics and translation,” Christian answered proudly, setting the coffee pot up to brew. 

“Not by chance at McCarthy International?” Jared asked excitedly, leaning forward. 

“How’d you know that?” Jensen and Christian asked at the same time. 

“I work there, too. My manager said they finally hired another translator named Christian. Shot in the dark,” Jared laughed. “Small world! We’ll be coworkers!” 

“Sounds great, man,” Christian grabbed the coffee mugs and turned to the coffee pot. “What languages do you speak?”

“Mostly French and Italian. You?”

“German and Russian.”

“Great, we’re desperate for a German translator. What about you, Jensen? What do you do?” Jared turned his attention to Jensen, smiling warmly. Jensen could see flecks of honey golden in his eyes.

“I’m a book editor for Ackles-Collins Publishing, so I can pretty much work from anywhere.” 

Jared tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. Jensen could see the question swirling through Jared’s brain. 

“Jenny’s been followin’ me around since second grade,” Christian ribbed Jensen as he set down steaming coffee mugs. “We have sugar, no milk though.”

“Sugar would be great, thank you!” Jared said, pulling one of the coffee mugs toward himself. 

“Lies, man, lies. Don’t believe anything Chris says, ever!” Jensen told Jared jokingly, pulling one of the mugs to him. He silently thanked Christian for interrupting. 

A phone started ringing and all three of them reached into their pockets. It was Jared’s. He answered, then there was a lot of ‘mm-hmms’ and ‘uh-huhs’, followed by a ‘sure, ma’ as he poured what Jensen thought was an excessive amount of sugar into his coffee. He hung up and grinned, eyes shining, like he knew a secret. 

“That was my ma, she thought I got lost,” he said jovially and Jensen thought it sounded fantastic, strong and confident. “My family is throwing a big Christmas dinner party - weekend after next. The 17th. She instructed me to invite you two and not take no for an answer. Would you come?”

“Oh, jeez- uh-”

“Well-”

Jensen and Christian both started stuttering at the same time. Jared’s face fell slightly and he held up his hands. That puppy dog look should be illegal, Jensen thought. He could get away with murder.

“Hey, if you guys are worried, we’re all really accepting here, I’m gay myself,” Jared placated. “You don’t have to worry about anyone giving you grief.”

Christian’s jaw fell open and his eyes bugged out of his head and Jensen gasped in surprise, eyes widening. Christian spoke first, while Jensen doubled over in his chair cackling. 

“We’re not,” he indicated to himself and Jensen, “together. We’re basically brothers. I’m leaving that Friday to visit my family for Christmas, but Jensen’ll be there.” 

“I will?” Jensen asked, straightening up and raising his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, you will,” Christian nodded, smirking wickedly. “Go. Make friends. Jared, can you make sure he doesn’t hole himself up and become a recluse while I’m gone?”

“Gladly, I’ll even walk you over myself.” there was that smile again. He changed the subject, “I saw a few guitar cases in the living room, who plays?”

“We both do, actually. Since high school,” Jensen explained. “We played in bars before we were even twenty-one!” 

“What kind of music?” Jared prompted. 

“Country and rock. We mostly play acoustic only since it’s just us,” Christian answered, sipping his coffee and leaning his back against the counter. “Brawler’s is where Jens met his first ever boyfriend. They were alllllllll over each other that night.” 

Jensen made a disgusted noise and Jared snorted loudly into his coffee. “Christopher Michael! God, we just met him and you’re waving my dirty laundry around.”

“Now, now, no need for full names, Jensen Ross,” Christian admonished playfully. 

“Anyway,” Jared drew out the word, standing up, “I should definitely be off before Ma comes looking for me!” 

He made a move to turn, but stopped quickly and looked at Jensen.

“What’s your phone number?” Jared asked, big hopeful eyes holding Jensen’s attention. “You know, so I can give you all the details for the party?”

He watched Jared type the numbers into his phone, then heard his own phone chirp. 

“There ya are! Don’t be afraid to say ‘hi’ if you want.” Jared gave him a wink.

Jensen watched Jared’s retreating back as he left, mind caught up in Jared’s eyes and lips. Christian waved a hand in front of his face and waited for Jensen to meet his eyes. He gave Jensen a very pointed look, blue eyes piercing him. Then, shifted his eyes, indicating the doorway where Jared had disappeared. 

“We should get the rest of the boxes inside,” Jensen sighed and turned to walk out to the van. 

That evening, Jensen dug through a box in his room and pulled out a scrapbook. He got himself comfortable on his bed, back up against the headboard and scrapbook sitting in his lap. Jensen stared at the green cover.

He tipped the book open to his favorite page and stared at an 8x10 of his commitment ceremony. Big bubble letters and numbers in Misha’s handwriting said March 17, 2001. Jensen’s arm was slung around Misha’s shoulders, a giant smile spread across his face and Misha was leaning into Jensen, a toothy grin on his face and blue eyes sparkling with joy. Champagne was spraying all around them thanks to Christian who was on the right side of the picture, head thrown back in laughter and the champagne bottle in his hand. 

Jensen traced Misha’s face, a mixture of happiness and sadness surrounding him. They all looked so young. Twenty-four years together, twenty of them after a commitment ceremony, six after their official marriage ceremony, and for Jensen that would never be enough. He turned the pages slowly, watching their lives together, then as Misha began looking sickly; Misha’s eyes never lost their sparkle though. Jensen stopped again at his second favorite picture, smiling sadly. 

They’d hired a photographer; well, Christian had. They’d practically carried Misha into the yard and onto a blanket. The sun was shining brightly, but the temperature was perfect. They were sitting cross-legged, Misha pressed into his side, eyes closed and a soft smile on his face. Jensen’s head was resting on top of Misha’s and his eyes were closed, too, soaking in the moment. That had been their last anniversary together. A tear snuck down his cheek and he wiped it away quickly. 

“Jens! Let's go out and ex-” the door to his room was thrown open, startling him, and Christian’s words died out.

They stared at each other for a solid minute before Christian whispered, “oh, Jen,” and climbed up onto the bed, settling himself down next to Jensen. He threw an arm around Jensen’s shoulders and tugged him close. After a while sitting in silence, Jensen chuckled.

“Remember when Misha proposed?” Jensen asked, resting his head on Christian’s shoulder.

“How could anyone forget that?” Christian laughed. “He talked me into helping build that stupid gummy bear wonderland for you AND the freaking firework pyrotechnics.”

“And Steve choreographed the dance and singing and sound set up, jeez,” Jensen reminisced fondly. Christian was still chuckling. “You nearly killed us all and set the gazebo on fire!”

“And he talked me into building three gingerbread houses? Never again. Took four tries before we figured out how to set the stupid frosting so the damn thing didn’t fall apart.”

“Then the freak thunderstorm that rolled in from the mountains, and you, me, Misha, and Steve took cover in that little shed,” Jensen was fully laughing, now. 

“Oh, hell. ‘What do you wanna marry me for anyhow?’” Christian mocked Jensen’s voice. Then dropped his voice to mimic Misha’s. “‘So I can kiss you anytime I want.’ Fuckin’ Sweet Home Alabama rom-com bullshit.” 

“Hey,” Jensen gasped out, unable to control his laughter, “that was the first movie we watched together.” 

They chuckled together for a bit until the laughter died out and they sat in a comfortable silence again. One of the things Jensen appreciated most about Christian was the never-wavering support he gave. Jensen’s mind wandered along memories until his brain settled on a tall man with shaggy hair and dimples. For the first time since Misha died, Jensen felt a tug of attraction, of want; it felt weird and good with a hint of guilt, like he was having an affair. His brain told him logically that no, it wasn’t an affair, but his heart couldn’t help but disagree. 

“What’s stopping you?” Christian asked solemnly, like he’d read Jensen’s mind. 

“It’s illogical, I know I shouldn’t feel like this,” Jensen said, matching Christian’s tone, “but I feel like I’m having an affair. I feel guilty. I feel like I’m leaving him behind. I’ve been lonely; I mean, I have you, but it’s not the same, it’s I-miss-having-someone-next-to-me-in-bed type lonely, but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to love or… I just feel like I’m replacing him if I go out with another man.”

Jensen looked over to Christian, head still resting on his shoulder. After thirty-five years of brotherhood friendship, they could read each other like a book. Christian was looking up to the ceiling, pensieve and calculating, no doubt choosing his next words carefully. This was the first time since Misha died that he’d even brought up the idea of Jensen dating again, which he appreciated more than Christian would ever know. Steve, Jason, and a few others had all said at one time or another that Jensen should ‘get back out there’ and ‘you need to get laid’ among other things.

Christian huffed once before crawling out of the bed and striding purposefully out of the room. Jensen raised an eyebrow, but waited patiently for Christian to come back. When he did, he had a thin document box under his arm. Jensen threw him a questioning look, but Christian ignored him, placing the box at the foot of the bed and opening it. He pulled out a sturdy leather portfolio. Flipping it open, he cleared his throat, standing straight with his shoulders back; he began to read.

“To my wonderful, handsome, loving husband. Twenty-four years went by in the blink of an eye. I ask this of you, my love, as my last wish: Continue to live your life with strength and love. Speak my name with joy and fondness as you always have. Do not dwell on my death forever. And the most important - Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. Now a poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye:

‘Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.’”

Jensen’s eyes were blurry with tears and his nose was clogged. The piece of paper Christian was reading from was a thick parchment with Misha’s handwriting carefully and clearly written out. Nearly three pages that he’d instructed Christian to read out before he delivered his own eulogy for Misha. There was a lot more, but Christian put the portfolio back in its box and sat cross-legged on the foot of the bed facing Jensen. Jensen took in huge, gulping breaths and when he quieted, Christian spoke again. 

“I’m not going to tell you to get over it and move on, I’m not going to force you into the dating world, it’s not my place. Or anyone’s for that matter, except you. Misha wanted you to be happy, though, and Jared seems like a good person to test out the dating world with. If you hate it, I’m not gonna press the issue, you can hide away and become a miserable pessimistic asshole like me.” 

“Harsh,” Jensen sniffed. Then fondly, “Thanks, Chris.”

“Anytime,” Christian said affectionately. “Now, that’s enough chick-flick mushiness. You good?”

“Yeah, Chris, I’m fine.” 

“Good,” Christian nodded, satisfied. He got up and headed out of the room, but then stopped in the doorway. He turned, “Have you eaten anything today?”

Jensen ducked his head and grinned sheepishly. Christian made a noise of annoyance. 

“I’ll scrounge something together,” he huffed. “Now, text Jared and see where it goes.” 

“Bossy.”

“Prick.” 

“Cocksucker!”

“You wish! You’re just jealous cause I never wanted to suck yours or anyone else’s.” 

Jensen barked out a laugh and he heard Christian snort from the stairway as he plodded downstairs to the kitchen. Jensen grabbed his phone from the nightstand and stared at it nervously. He unlocked it and went to his messages, clicking on Jared’s name. 

Hey. Long time, no talk.

Well that was cringey. It turned from “delivered” to “read” and Jensen’s heart thumped hard.

I know, it’s been forever! Lol. 

Ma is stoked you’re coming to the party. 

That’s great. I’m looking forward to it. Are you staying with your parents? 

Yeah, I have an apartment in town, but near the holidays everyone stays with our parents. Family time and all that. It’s me, my brother Jeff, and my sister Megan. Meg and Jeff live in Providence and drive in. 

It's awesome that you all get together like that. Sounds like a good time! Or do they drive you crazy? 

Hahaha. A bit of both. What about you? Chris - or should I call him Christian? - said he was going home for Christmas, but you’re staying? 

Ah, yeah. My parents love me, but they aren’t exactly accepting of ‘my lifestyle’. My sister Mackenzie lives in Portland with her family and Josh lives in Venice, Italy. The last time we all got together was in like 2005ish… Didn’t go very well. Chris’ Mama invited me to theirs, but I just decided to stay here and get settled. I don’t think he minds one way or another what you call him. How far away is town by the way? 

Oh, it’s only about a fifteen-minute drive. Boston is around an hour depending on traffic. I’m sorry, it must be hard not seeing your family :( I came out my senior year, but my parents have been very supportive. Is that why you moved to Denver? 

Yeah. I wanted to get out of Texas and Chris was accepted at University of Denver. I applied and got accepted, too. Off we went. I studied English and Literary Arts as well as some business. Where did you go to college?

Boston U. Just studied business and got hired at my dad’s company when I graduated. I wanted to ask earlier, but you said you worked at Ackles-Collins, do you own it?

I’m part owner, yeah, but I hang back mostly. I like being an editor more than anything. 

Would you like to hang out the day after tomorrow? I was going to go into town and do some Christmas shopping. It’s always more fun going with someone, y’know?

Sure I think I’d like that. Chris is calling me for dinner, so I’ll talk to you later? We’ll finalize the plans.

Definitely :) 

On Monday at ten-thirty, Jensen was sitting in an armchair near the fire in the living room, Christian sitting on the couch opposite. They were casually playing guitar together, but Jensen couldn't play a chord to save his life at the moment. Jared would be arriving any minute to pick him up to go shopping. 

“Relax, everything’s gonna be great,” Christian encouraged, putting his guitar down. “Just get out, go have some fun with Jared, and pick up a real nice present for me.”

Christian winked at him, smiling. Jensen rolled his eyes and put his guitar down, too. He’d decided on a worn pair of boot cut jeans, and a thick green zip-up hoodie. He’d set out a dark green fleece-lined ear-flap beanie, touchscreen gloves, and his favorite dark gray wool peacoat that had an extra wool inner lining. 

They both turned when they heard a car pull into the driveway. Jensen stood and quickly put on his hat, coat, and gloves, shoving his keys in the pocket of his coat. A horn honked. When Jensen turned, Christian was opening the front door for him. 

“Good day, sire, your carriage awaits,” Christian said in a ridiculous accent, bowing with a flourish. Jensen couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re an idiot,” Jensen snickered as he walked to the door. Christian put his hands on Jensen’s shoulders and fake-sniffed as though he were overcome with emotion. 

“My big boy, going out on a date. I’m so proud!” He exclaimed sarcastically.

“Oh, shut up!” Jensen retorted half annoyed and half amused, slapping Christian’s arms back and walking out the door. “I’ll see you later.” 

“I won’t wait up!” Christian cackled at his own joke and swung the door shut. 

The drive into town with Jared was filled with soft music and conversation about their favorite music and movies. The town was very small, with just a couple blocks of various shops right in the center. To Jensen, the town looked like it had been pulled directly from a Thomas Kinkade painting; there were even two horse-drawn carriages giving people rides.  

“If you want, we can just start down one side and come back on the other. If we see a shop we want to stop in, then we do?” Jared asked as he turned off the car. 

“Sounds good to me,” Jensen smiled back. 

Jared was wearing a black and tan windbreaker parka that had a faux fur lined hood and a slouchy purple beanie. Jensen couldn’t help but notice the way Jared’s jeans outlined his ass as he caught up to walk next to Jared. They passed a clothing boutique, a craft shop, and a framing store before they came upon a window that made Jensen stop to look. Jared stopped, too, and told him that it was a local music shop called ‘Hutton’s Music House’.

“Let's go in!” He exclaimed, taking Jensen’s hand and pulling him to the door; a bell tinkled when they stepped in. A girl looked up from the counter and smiled, greeting Jared by name. “Hey, Gen! Jensen, this is my friend Gen, we took a bunch of classes together in college. Gen, this is Jensen, he’s new in town.” 

“I never would have graduated without Jared,” she laughed, scrunching her nose. “Business was not for me! Welcome to town, Jensen. Anything I can help you find?” 

“Jensen’s a musician, so I thought we’d take a look around,” Jared piped up. 

“It’s good to meet you, Gen,” Jensen nodded. “Do you have replacement pickups? And can you show me your guitar strings?” 

Gen showed them over to a case on the opposite wall that contained a medium-sized collection of pickups ranging from acoustic, electric, bass, and even a few for violins. Jensen scanned them carefully and Jared said he was going to look at the guitar room. 

“Anything particular you’re looking for? We have more in the back that are for older and specialized models and we can order as well,” Gen informed him. 

“Well, my roommate and I have been meaning to replace the pickups on his 1956 Fender Strat, but we’ve been so busy the last couple years it just hasn’t happened.” 

“Woah, 1956? And he still plays it?” Gen asked incredulously. 

“Not very often, we only use it for recording, otherwise it’s in a custom protective case. We’re finally going to be able to record again, so we’ll need it.”

“Hang on, I’ll check it out. Are you wanting, like, originals?” She asked, walking back to the counter. 

“Doesn’t have to be, last time I think we used Klein,” Jensen said, meandering around the room slowly. “Don’t worry too much about it, I can order them if I need to.”

Gen typed on a desktop computer that looked like it was from 1997. Jared stepped back in and dragged Jensen into another room of the shop, walls lined with guitars of all kinds as well as other instruments and accessories. Jensen was impressed, the place had seemed so small from outside. They strode around the room together, Jared asking Jensen about nearly every guitar not unlike a curious child. Jensen answered amusedly to the best of his ability; Jensen stopped them when they reached a section of wall dedicated to strings for all types of instruments. He explained each type of guitar string to Jared, along with the sounds they produced and various uses until Gen came up beside them. 

“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” she interjected, excitedly. “I have some good news.” 

“Yeah?” Jensen straightened and turned to Gen, interested. 

“I called the owner, Tim, and he’s on his way in. Apparently, he has an unopened set that was ordered and never picked up last year.”   

“Oh, he didn’t need to make a special trip or anything,” Jensen sputtered.

“It’s okay,” Gen insisted. “He lives upstairs.” 

There was a loud bang and out of a door labeled “Employees Only” came an older man with slightly disheveled dark hair wearing blue jeans and a green sweater. He strode quickly to them, holding a hand out to Jared, then Jensen. 

“I’m Tim Hutton, owner. Gen said you had a 1956 strat?” He resounded. “I absolutely had to come down and meet ya. Not everyday you hear about a guitar like that!” 

“Ah, well, it's actually my roommate's. His dad passed it down to him when we started recording our own music,” Jensen explained.

“Wow-oh-wow. I would love to see that!” Tim exclaimed. 

“I can show you some pictures,” Jensen pulled his phone and scrolled through his photo albums, “but we never take it anywhere. It’s only used for recording and we do all the maintenance ourselves.” 

Jared moved to look over Tim’s shoulder at the pictures Jensen showed. They were taken quite a few years ago during a recording session and were mostly of Christian, a few with Jensen, and two with Christian, Jensen, Steve, and Jason. 

“That is a gorgeous guitar,” Tim said in awe. “Anyway, I brought down the pickups for you. Is there anything else we can find for you?” 

“Did you still want strings?” Jared asked. 

“Oh yeah,” Jensen turned back to the wall. He pointed to a brand called ‘Aurore Specialty’ that only had one each of acoustic and electric, and said questioningly, “I’ve never heard of this brand before.” 

“They’re local,” Tim boasted. “I helped get the business going and I help with marketing. My sister and her husband actually make them.” 

“Oh the only place I’ve heard of doing that in the US is in LA,” Jensen marveled. 

“And they’re mostly produced on order only,” Tim continued, sounding like a salesman. “I keep a couple guitar ones in the shop so we can offer them up to new customers. Listen, I’ll give you a set on the house since you’re buying these pickups. Try ‘em out and see if you like ‘em!” 

As they made their way to the register, two books next to each other caught his eye called ‘Mosh Potatoes’ and ‘Eat Like a Rockstar.’ They were recipe books. Jensen chuckled and grabbed both of them; Christian loved to cook, these would surely bring a laugh. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jared giving him an admiring look, a lovable smile plastered across his face. 

After they left the guitar shop, Jensen carrying a paper bag with the pickups, books, and a set of acoustic strings, Jared asked if they could go to a bookstore called ‘Bound Around.’ It was unlike any book shop Jensen had ever seen before. It smelled like an old book, slightly musty, and there was no rhyme, reason, or organization for where the books were. Multiple piles of books were just stacked precariously from the floor to chest height and the bookshelves also had books stacked horizontally instead of vertically. Jared quickly disappeared into the maze while Jensen slowly picked his path through the stacks. Five minutes later, Jared appeared at his side, grinning widely. 

“Found a book for my mom,” he said breathily, holding up a copy of ‘The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.’

“Oh, that book definitely keeps your attention,” Jensen remarked. “Very Marilyn Monroe-esque.” 

“You’ve read it?” Jared asked, cocking his head to the side. 

“Yeah,” Jensen said lightheartedly. “I helped edit the first draft as a favor. The chief editor, a good friend of mine, who was assigned the book had to assign it to his brand new editor because they were flooded with work. He called me and asked if I had time to coach and mentor the new kid.”  

“Any recs for my sister? She loves a good horror thriller,” Jared’s eyes sparkled hopefully. Jensen thought for awhile, walking around and eyeing books. 

“Hmm,” he pulled a book from the middle of a stack, quickly stabilizing it with his other hand so the whole thing didn’t crash to the ground. “I read it in high school randomly. I really like reading, so I’d go find random books to read. I doubt she’d have read it. It’s a thrilling horror-type book.” 

“Sounds good to me!” Jared took the book titled ‘Skin’. “Do you need anything here or want to look around more?” 

“No, I think I’m good. I’m actually getting hungry. You?” 

“Food sounds great to me! We can drop this at the car and go to Radial,” seeing Jensen’s raised eyebrow, Jared added, “a local café.”

At the register, Jensen was surprised to see a till that looked like it belonged in a museum, with mechanical buttons and even a pull handle. Jared asked the elderly man if he could see a book resting on a shelf behind him. The worker turned without speaking and grabbed a leather-bound book, setting it on the counter for Jared; he eyed Jared suspiciously. Jensen watched as he opened the book carefully, almost reverently. It was a posh leatherbound copy of ‘The Great Gatsby’ and it was signed by the illustrator. Jensen watched, infatuation blooming in his chest.   

“‘The Great Gatsby’ is my favorite,” Jared said, handing the book back, a wistful look on his face, then gave the man the two books he was going to purchase. 

When they exited the shop, Jensen stopped abruptly, pretending to search his pockets. Jared looked at him in concern.

“I need to run back in,” Jensen said quickly. “I think I set my phone down by accident.”

“Okay.”

Jensen rushed back into the bookstore and over to the counter. The old man squinted at him with disdain.

“I’d like to buy that leather bound book my friend was looking at,” Jensen explained, pointing behind the man. 

“Must be a good friend,” his voice was wheezy and high-pitched. “You realize it’s a leatherbound, signed copy? It’s quite expensive.”

“I don’t mind,” Jensen huffed, pulling out his credit card. 

“I prefer cash,” he sneered. “Extra charge for card payments.” 

“It’s fine, charge me whatever, just hurry before he gets suspicious and comes back in, please!” 

After signing the receipt, Jensen tucked the book in his bag from the music store and joined Jared outside. They had a great lunch talking about books they’d read and their opinions. Throughout the entire meal, they both saw the other staring multiple times, looking away quickly when they’d been caught. It turned out they had very similar taste in books and Jensen learned that Jared led a monthly book club. They didn’t meet in December, but would meet in January and Jared asked if he’d like to join. Jensen tentatively agreed as they walked back to Jared’s car. 

When Jared pulled into Jensen’s driveway, there was an awkward moment where Jensen was afraid Jared was going to lean over and kiss him. He didn’t think he was ready for something like that at all, so he thanked Jared for the good time and bade him a quick goodbye. 

Inside, he could hear loud thumping music coming from upstairs. As Jensen stripped his outdoor gear and made his way upstairs to his bedroom, he recognized Luke Bryan booming from Christian’s room. He hid the presents he’d bought under his bed and laid down on top of the covers to think.

He tried to sort out the mixture of complex emotions swirling around his brain. Attraction, admiration, optimism mixed with fear, guilt, and uncertainty. Not to mention the underlying feelings of disloyalty and insecurity. At some point, the music abruptly stopped, but he was so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t notice. In the end, Jensen ended up passing out from sheer tiredness, still fully clothed on top of the blanket. 

Jensen stared into the full-length mirror on his closet door, barely recognizing himself and feeling out of sorts; it had been a long time since he’d needed to dress up for an event. Jensen had even trimmed his beard from the unkempt overgrown bush he’d been sporting to a well-groomed, even-trimmed short beard. Jared had texted him the day before letting Jensen know he’d arrive at 6:30 to walk over to the dinner party and that it was a dressy event. He’d asked Jared for clarification to which he received the response “Ma says formal.” Jensen had one suit, besides his formal funeral suit, that was navy blue and made of cashmere with a perfectly matched tie and waistcoat. The button-up was a very pale blue and he’d chosen a white handkerchief with blue pinstripes. 

He’d fought with himself for a half hour over which knot to tie his tie, ultimately deciding on the half Windsor. Jensen went to his dresser where he’d set out cufflinks, watch, belt, phone, and wallet. His eyes fell on the crystal jewelry dish where he kept his wedding ring while he was showering. A new wave of guilt washed over him as he took the ring and rolled it through his hand. In a moment of panic, he grabbed his phone to text Jared and tell him he needed to cancel, but there was a message waiting for him from Christian. 

I swear to God, Jens, if you cancel on Jared, I’ll wring your neck when I get back. 

He took in a deep, calming breath and looked back to the ring. Misha wanted you to move on when you were ready, he told himself. You’re not betraying him, you’re not cheating on him. True, he was still working through the end of his grief, but he had spent the last week and a half pondering what it might be like to date again. In particular, date a hazel-eyed, shaggy-haired, dimpled-cheeked man. He shouldn’t wear it; Jared would definitely notice and Jensen didn’t want him to think he was emotionally unavailable. His phone buzzed, “Chris” popping back up on the screen. 

Misha wanted you to move on and be happy again. Give it a chance, for your sake and mine.

The telepathy thing they had annoyed Jensen sometimes. Neither of them had any hope of lying to other, or hiding any sort of secret. Sometimes it was helpful though; like that time in college Jensen had slipped on the porch of their home and broken his ankle, leg, and wrist. It was dark and Jensen hadn’t seen the thick layer of ice built up. He couldn’t move and Christian wasn’t supposed to come home that night; for half an hour, Jensen had lain there overwhelmed and terrified. Then suddenly Christian was there, yanking him out of the snow and wrapping him in a heated blanket until EMS arrived. Jensen remembered Christian sitting next to his hospital bed later saying, ‘I just knew something had happened.’

After a few more moments of deep breathing, Jensen set the ring back in the bowl. He donned everything else, then replied to Christian.

I’m going, I’m going. Stop nagging. No wonder Jared thought we were an item. 

As Jensen made his way downstairs, the doorbell rang. He tucked his phone into his pocket then pulled the door open. Jensen sucked in a breath and took a second to take in all of Jared. He was wearing a charcoal gray three-piece with a crisp white shirt and a dark, blue-green tie. He was clean-shaven which made his dimples stand out even more than they had last week. When Jensen’s eyes fell on Jared’s, he realized Jared had been checking him out, too. 

“Hey,” Jensen greeted lamely. 

“Hi,” Jared grinned. “You clean up pretty nice.”

“Could say the same about you,” Jensen said cheekily. “Oh, shit. Hang on.” 

Jensen stepped to the sideboard and grabbed the bottles of champagne and wine he’d chosen from his personal collection. Then he stepped outside and locked the door behind him. 

“Shall we?” he asked. “Lead on!”

“Oh, yes! What do you have?” Jared started down the driveway, Jensen falling in step beside him. 

“Uh. Just a bottle of champagne and red wine for the hosts. Y’know, proper dinner etiquette and all that.”

Jared laughed lightly. He took one of the bottles from Jensen and raised his eyebrows in surprise when he saw the label. “Is that a Dom Pérignon?” 

“Yeah, it’s a 1990 brut, is that okay? We can go back and get a rosé if your parents would prefer something sweeter or I think I have a few bottles of 2004 Plénitude as well,” Jensen had stopped walking, feeling anxious; Jared looked over at him, perplexed. 

“No, it’s fine, Ma and Dad will absolutely love it. I was just surprised at the brand,” he laughed and started walking down the path again, beckoning Jensen to come with him. “Are you a wine snob? You gotta tell a guy that, y’know?” 

Jensen chuckled. “I mean, I have my preferences but I wouldn’t consider myself a snob.”  

“Oh, good, cause I know practically nothing about wine. I’m more of a beer guy myself, much to my mother’s dismay,” he joked, giggling. 

Jensen thought he could listen to the sound of Jared’s laugh for hours on repeat; he felt a smile spread across his face and thought that a butterfly was suddenly trying to escape his stomach. The walk took about ten minutes which Jared filled with talk about his family and the guests that would be at the party. Jensen soaked in Jared’s voice, only offering an occasional ‘really’ or ‘mm-hmm’ and letting Jared drive the conversation. 

They walked up the driveway to a very lovely two story house that looked much like his own. There were Christmas lights lining the roof, glowing softly. The front window was glowing as well and by the shadows, Jensen figured people had started to arrive. He paused for a moment before stepping onto the porch and shook himself lightly to loosen himself up. Jared opened the door for him, showing his bright smile. They were bombarded as soon as they stepped inside.

“Oh, Jared, honey! I was wondering when you’d get back home!” A shorter, matronly woman bustled her way to them, positively glowing with happiness. She was wearing a beautiful emerald green dress. “Oh! And you must be Jensen! Welcome to the neighborhood, dear, Jared’s been talking about you non-stop.”

Before Jensen could say anything, Jared’s mom - Sherri, if he remembered correctly - was pulling him in for a quick hug and cupped his face, kissing his cheek. 

“Maa!” Jared groaned, pink darkening across his cheeks. Jensen threw him a delighted smirk. 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs. Padalecki,” Jensen took one of her hands, kissed it lightly, and then presented the bottles to her. “For the hosts of the evening; thank you for having me as a guest.”

“My! What proper manners,” Sherri gushed as she took the bottles from Jensen. “You can call me Sherri. Come on in, let’s introduce you to Gerry.” 

Jensen followed Sherri through the house to the kitchen, followed closely by Jared. She stopped multiple times, saying hello and introducing Jensen and sometimes Jared, too. There were two men and a woman laughing when they walked in. The older man bent down, peeking in the oven. Over his black suit, he was wearing a daisy covered apron.

“Gerry,” Sherri called, “come meet Jensen, our new neighbor!” 

All three people turned to face them and the man in the apron stepped forward, a hand held out. Jensen shook it firmly, returning the friendly smile. 

“Good to meet you, sir,” Jensen greeted, inclining his head. 

“Oh, please, call me Gerry. This is Jeff, my oldest boy, and Megan, Jared’s younger sister.”

“Hon, Jensen brought us some wine,” Sherri said, holding the bottles out to her husband. 

“Wow!” Gerry exclaimed when he took the bottles from Sherri. “You have a fine taste in wine and champagne. Thank you!” 

“These are definitely my favorites,” Jensen confirmed. 

“Well, I am most certainly going to open these tonight. Might have to keep them hidden from the other guests,” he joked. “1990 and 2009 were great years for vineyards.”

“Jared, go introduce Jensen to some of the others, make him feel welcome while we finish up dinner,” Sherri instructed, shooing them from the kitchen. Jensen instead leaned against the wall outside of the kitchen, grinning madly at Jared.

“So, you haven’t stopped talking about me?” Jensen questioned mischievously, tilting his head to the side. 

“Ma and her big mouth,” Jared groaned. “She’s exaggerating, I swear.” 

“Oh my god,” Jensen bent over, laughing a full belly laugh. “You’ve got the same look Chris gets when he’s lying!” 

“I’m not - I didn’t  - I - I - I really like you,” Jared admitted, pink spreading across his face again. He babbled on, “I mean, sorry, I - Well, you’re just attractive, like, really, really, attractive and very fun to hang out with and -” 

“Woah, hey, you’re insanely attractive yourself,” Jensen reached his right hand to his left; he often twisted his wedding ring when he was nervous, but the hand was empty so Jensen dropped his hands, shaking them out slightly. “You’re pretty awesome yourself.”

He kept trying to twist his ring throughout the whole party. It happened at least ten more times before dinner was over and Jensen was starting to feel the stress. Jared had definitely noticed, even raising an eyebrow at him once as if asking if Jensen was okay. 

“Jensen,” Gerry called from the head of the table. Jensen was seated two people away from him. “What is it that you do? Jared said something about books, right?” 

“Yes, sir. I’m a book editor for Ackles-Collins Publishing,” Jensen responded. 

“Your last name is Collins isn’t it? Any relation there?” 

“Uh,” Jensen grinned sheepishly. He reached for his hand again, but quickly redirected, pretending to adjust his sleeve. “Yes, I’m actually part owner.” 

“That is amazing and at such a young age! I own McCarthy International, I think Jared mentioned your roommate was hired on as a translator,” Gerry shared. “How are you two settling in?”

“Really well, we’ve spent the last two weeks learning the new town and unpacking everything. Jared’s shown me all of the local shops and fun places to go.”

Gerry’s attention was soon pulled away by another man and Jensen was pulled into conversation with Sherri about his college education and publishing house. As dinner finished and people started to move from the table and mingle again, Jensen asked Jared where the bathroom was. Jared led Jensen upstairs, away from the crowd. He found it slightly odd because there were no lights on upstairs. They moved into a dark hallway and Jared turned to Jensen, a concerned look on his face. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, placing his hands lightly on Jensen’s upper arms. “It’s like you’re getting more nervous as the night goes on.” 

Automatically, Jensen made an aborted move to twist his absent ring, huffing exasperatedly when he dropped his hands back to his sides. 

“And you keep doing that, too. Are you uncomfortable? Are there too many strangers? I can walk you home?” Jared placed his hands over Jensen’s, face showing only care and sympathy. 

“No.. No. I’m not,” Jensen sighed; he’d hoped he would be able to wait a few dates before having this talk with Jared. “I need to explain something and I am praying you’ll understand because I don’t want to ruin this before it starts.” 

“C’mere,” Jared walked Jensen to the end of the hall and pushed him lightly through a door, following closely. 

The light flicked on and Jensen found himself in what had to be Jared’s childhood bedroom. The walls were bright blue, plastered with various posters of sports teams and bands. He sat down on a large bed and patted the tye-dye duvet next to him. Jensen sat down, staring at his hands, heart pounding in his throat. 

“I don’t mind, Jensen. Whatever it is, it’s better to tell me now. I would really like to go out with you, but if that’s not what you want -” 

Jensen cut him off.  “No, no, I want that, too. I just - I wanted to wait until we’d had a couple dates, but - You should know that I had a husband for twenty years,” Jensen’s breath caught in his throat; he swallowed thickly and continued before Jared could interject. “He passed, July of last year.” 

“Oh my god,” Jared gasped in surprise. 

“Sorry, it’s a lot to take in. This is the first time I’ve really considered going out with someone since, and I am really looking forward to it, if you’ll still have me. I come with a lot of baggage and that’s not for everyone. I took my wedding ring off, that’s why I keep wringing my hands together; I just didn’t want to give you the wrong impression by wearing it,” Jensen muttered, afraid to look into Jared's face. 

Unexpectedly, Jensen was completely enveloped in a bone-crushing hug, face pressed into Jared’s shoulder. He smelled wonderful, Jensen thought, closing his eyes; pine trees, holiday berries, and a hint of peppermint. He brought his arms up and returned the hug. Jared pulled back and pressed his forehead to Jensen’s and he saw that Jared’s eyes were bright and teary. 

“You don’t have to apologize for something like that,” Jared murmured sympathetically. “That must have been so, so hard for you. I can’t even imagine.”

Jensen sniffed once and smiled softly, blinking the tears in his eyes away. “Well, I’m not sure how to respond to that, but, if you’d let me, I’d love to take you out to dinner sometime. Maybe you and your family will come over sometime? I’ll make Chris cook cause I’m still not very good at that.”

Jared laughed heartily. 

“You need to stop that,” Jensen deadpanned. Jared looked taken aback. He dropped the seriousness and said, “It makes me want to tickle you just so I can hear it.” 

They grinned at each other for a few beats before Jensen spoke again, “We should get back to the party, people will think there’s some hanky-panky going on.” 

“Hanky-panky?!” Jared burst out laughing, doubling over.

When he’d finally regained his composure, Jared led Jensen back downstairs. They stuck together for the rest of the night, having great conversations with other guests as well as each other, until the party began to die down. Jensen’s heart felt like it was going to explode with warmth and joy, optimistic for the first time in what seemed like a century. He began to make his way to the kitchen for some water when Jared called for him to stop with an urgent tone. 

“Wha -” Jensen stopped in his tracks between the living room and dining room and turned around. Jared strode up to him, a huge smile on his face. He looked up and Jensen followed his eyes. When Jensen looked back to Jared’s face, it had turned to a look of sly giddiness. 

“Mistletoe!” Jared said triumphantly. “Guess someone needs to kiss you.” 

Jensen let out a soft huff of laughter, but then Jared’s lips were lightly pressed to his, soft and chaste and fleeting. Jared looked delighted with himself when he pulled back and Jensen couldn’t help but smile shyly and appreciate the simplicity. A warm hand enveloped his own and their fingers laced together. 

“Will you walk me home?” Jensen asked, his voice breathy and hopeful. 

“I’d be delighted to,” Jared smiled and tilted his head to the side, eyes bright and excited. 

[babygirlwolverine]

Pls help, I'm having a conversation with someone in the YT comment section and this person keep saying that Dean is straight™ because the creators said so, that Destiel is just in people's mind because, clearly, they are just Buddy. I'm so tired to feel like we are the crazy ones who only want to see Dean&Cas banging or whatever, that the show wasn't about ~romance~, that we had gay representation and they weren't killed because they were Gay since everyone dies in SPN, no matter who they are. Basically the creator is God, period (that's what the person said in a nutshell and I want to punch them but I won't answer anymore to them and lose more of my time for nothing). Ugh sorry for the rant but I need a big hug rn 😢

Hi there nonnie. My best advice is to ignore the spiteful comments that person is saying in the comment section. There’s a lot of nasty people out there deliberately saying stuff they know will upset shippers because they get a kick out of seeing people upset. It’s a nasty world, and somehow these people think they “won” in the finale and therefore can go around shooting off offensive and hurtful things to people.

We know there are so many instances throughout the series where Dean has shown interest in men. We’ve seen him check men out, we’ve seen him have crushes on men, we’ve seen him get starry eyed around men and flirt with men. We don’t need to be told Dean is straight because we have all the evidence we need to know that Dean is bi. And that’s not even including the oceans of canon facts we have to back our claims that Dean is into Cas. Even if the creators say something, that doesn’t reflect how the actors played the characters. We know Misha played Cas as in love with Dean for a long time, and the same can be said for Jensen. We know destiel is real. Cas literally told Dean he was in love with him. And there’s been so many little things post-finale to back the claim that Dean loves Cas too. We are not crazy for seeing what was laid out in front of our eyes for the last 12 years.

Whether you see Dean and Cas as being romantically and hopelessly in love, whether you want to see them being soft and loving with each other, or down and dirty, you’re allowed to see them however you want. In my mind, it’s so obvious there were was and is romance between them. Excluding the shitty writing in the last two episodes, the rest of season 15 was centered around the relationship between Dean and Cas. There was huge moments between them- from almost confessions to actual confessions. From telling each other to leave to wanting each other to stay. The relationship between them was one of the biggest aspects of the season. I refuse to touch 15x20 because it was so far off the reservation, but the whole show has been about romance and family and the love that transcends past everything.

Was there a bury the gays trope? Yeah, there was. They killed Cas right after he confessed, and they literally killed Dean days later before he could really process his feelings for Cas, effectively silencing any part of Dean that wasn’t straight. Yes, a lot of people die on supernatural. But the way some characters die, especially LGBT or characters with disabilities, was extremely harsh and uncalled for. I think, even more so, that shippers and people within the LBGT community are upset by the way these characters died. That they was no mercy, and no happy ending for any gay characters.

Also, if we’re talking about God... Chuck literally said that Cas was the thing that he couldn’t control. That our Cas was so in love with Dean that he rebelled and had free will the whole time. And if that doesn’t show you the power of love, then i don’t know what does. Maybe Chuck created everything, but Cas rebelled and made his own choices- to choose Dean and free will and his family- over and over again.

My best advice is to steer clear of people that shove those negative opinions at you. You don’t need to waste your time or your own mental health on people who are deliberately saying things to hurt you. Try to focus your time and energy on the people who have the same outlooks as you do. Spend your time talking with destiel shippers. If we all stop interacting with these haters, then they have no power over us. They go around looking for fights and looking to tear us down. Stop interacting and then they lose interest. Keep on shipping Dean and Cas. Your opinions and outlooks on the characters and the ship are valid and real. You’re not alone. There are so many other shippers who are here for you.

Also, please don’t apologize. Feel free to rant to me whenever you need. I’m always here to lend an ear and listen and to offer my best advice and comforting words. I’m sending you all the hugs in the world *pulls you into the biggest and warmest hug ever* stay strong, poppet. I love you!

[sherlockmeowlmes]

Jensen’s comments on 15x18

(Source: @DeansSqueeQueen on Twitter)

DeansSqueeQueen: How was that scene emotionally being filmed? And also we never got to see Dean’s reaction because Cas got taken so fast. How do you think, if we had time, how he would have responded to him?

Jensen: Umm great question and it’s funny because I have, all season, in fact I don’t even remember the last time, maybe a big huge season ender or something and i don’t know who’s responsible for this because I would love to say thanks alot you jerk umm but they sent me a reaction video. It’s like a real time critique from a real fan and I found it fascinating. Like I said I don’t know, I rarely ever do it, I did it for 18 and I wanted to see what the reaction was, and that quickly led to, I didn’t want to go on Twitter you know.

DeansSqueeQueen: It was trending you know

Jensen. Yeah Misha sent me that, he was like, hey dude the episode is trending right now, and I was actually driving home from Colorado. So I was on like a road trip so I didnt get to see the reaction, so when I got home, uh, I looked up a few of the fan kind of reaction videos and there was one, this one guy who was the most beautifully reactionary kind of person you would want. And he was so emotional and I felt like he went through a couple boxes of tissues. But he was so emotional about that scene, and he had to pause it a few times, it was just really entertaining. I sent that over to Misha, and he sent me another one back, and so then I became really interested and wondered what the fan reaction is.

Then I watched the show, actually watched the episode, and I will say that some of Dean’s reaction of what I played into Dean, they did not use. Uh, in the final edit. But also some of the stuff Misha played in to his side was cut. And that’s very common, editors will trim up things to speed up a scene, to the point, they call it taking the air out of the scene. Taking the air out, and they’ll kind of condense it and it’ll be a concentrated version of that scene that was filmed.

I knew that scene would be, I mean obviously we’re saying goodbye to one of the most beloved characters to ever be on Supernatural. And uh also one of my dear friends, I actually had uh, i had one of our crew members take my phone. I was like will you just take pictures of this, and maybe some videos, because I want to remember this from my perspective, and not Dean’s perspective that’s on the screen, because that will be a highly edited version with music and visual effects and special effects and all that stuff and I want to remember this, I want to be able to go back and watch this, uh, from my, from Jensen’s perspective on how this happened between two friends irl and two friends in character life, and I was really pleased.

Misha had a tall order that day, for me I just had to be there and watch him kind of go through that emotion and get that all out and it was a beautifully written script and Bob Berens did a good job of crafting that dialogue. From Dean’s perspective, and Misha and I have talked about this, we’ve talked about this prior to filming that scene, during that scene, and we’ve talked about it since. I’ve actually talked to him uh, a lot this past week, about the reaction, what we want to add to that reaction, how we want to navigate that. Because we’re getting a lot of questions about what do you think, what do you mean, what was your intent, and he and i both kind of talked about, well if you, and this may be a little a little too out there but go with me here, well artists don’t stand in a gallery next to their painting and tell you exactly what you should be seeing.

And I kind of, I hope it doesn’t sound like a cop out, because it’s not meant to be, its truly meant to be. I knew where Jensen was in that scene, I also was making a choice for Dean in that scene. I kind of knew what I was trying to play with him, but at the same time what came across from a visual standpoint and a storytelling standpoint, and the audience perspective could be a multitude of things. And I would just, I would never want to tell someone what they should and shouldn’t see. Um, and not that, and again I’m not trying to do a cop out because I know it was a very important scene on a variety of levels, but I kind of, and I always thought i mean i’ll give you guys a little bit of an insight into.

There were no choices made on Dean’s part, and I hope I made that apparent because he was dealing with something far greater than what Cas was expressing to him. He was dealing with his friend was about to die. So I’m not sure that Dean absorbed or processed anything that was coming out of his mouth at that moment. And I will say that they were cornered. You know you had these two characters who only know how to fight and they were in a corner that couldn’t get out of So you couple that with the fact that now this person, this best friend is now going to sacrifice himself. I think it was all too much for one human to kind of absorb. 

But you also have to remember that Cas is a celestial being, and he’s thinking in a way that might not be comprehensible by a human heart or by a human brain. So the things that he says I always from Dean’s perspective, I don’t know if I understand where he’s coming from or what he means from a humanistic stand point, even though he kind of transferred into a human over the course of twelve years. But he was always coming from this, there was always an angelic aspect to him that Dean may, or  may not  have understood. So I don’t know, don’t know how humanistic the feelings being professed at that moment were, or maybe they were, maybe that was what was happening. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. I think that’s the beauty of what this story gives you, hopefully it gives everybody something.

[munstysmind]

COMIC CON - Maddison - An Original Story

WARNING/S: none

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORK TO BE USED IN ANY CAPACITY

Divider by @firefly-graphics

MAIN MASTERLIST

MADDISON MASTERLIST

please let me know if you would like to be added to a tag list

Even though they had planned to, Maddie and Chris haven’t had the chance to see each other yet. It's been a crazy day so far, like it always is at Comic Con.

She really wants to catch up before the Winter Soldier panel but it's looking more and more like she won't have the chance to. She's currently at the Supernatural signing booth with the guys talking to a fan.

It's her favourite part of the job, interacting with them. They never fail to to put a smile on her face or boost her mood. After a while they get a rare quiet moment so Jared and Misha slip away for the toilet.

She’s just started to draw a cat on one of the posters when Jensen tries to get her attention but she ignores him, too focused on her masterpiece.

"Maddison" he says again, poking her in the ribs.

"Ow, WHAT?!" she snaps, looking at him. With a grin on his face he motions to the crowd of people with his head. Maddie looks over and sees Chris walking towards them. Turing her back to everyone, she faces Jensen, glaring at him.

"DON'T or I swear to god I will slash Baby's tires" she warns him through gritted teeth. Jensen smirks at her and she turns back to see Chris standing in front of them.

"Hi" he says, smiling at her

"Hi" she replies, returning his smile

"Can you sign this, it's for Scott" he asks, holding up a promo photo of her as Ali

"No it's not" she says, rolling her eyes and laughing at him as she signs the photo, making it out to Chris.

"Hi, I'm Chris" he says, shanking Jensen's hand

"Jensen"

"I gotta say, I love the show"

"Thank You. Hey, is there anything you can tell me about what miss here has filmed cause she won't"

"She can't, Feige will kill her. She does kick ass though"

"She's pretty good at that"

"Yeah, she is. It was fun working with her"

"She's alright" Jensen says, nudging her with his elbow. Under the table she jams the heal of her shoe into his foot which makes him stop talking.

Chris sees she is starting to get slightly flustered so he puts his hand over hers, shifting her attention back to him as he leans forward over the table

"Dinner tonight, just us?" he whispers in her ear before pulling back and looking at her with hope in his eyes

"Yeah" she nods at him, smiling. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Sebastian walking over.

"Thought I might find you here" he says to Chris as he reaches them before leaning over the table to give Maddie a hug.

Chris looks down at his phone and sighs as he reads the message he just got

"We gotta go" he says to Sebastian. Maddie almost whines, she doesn't want Chris to go.

"It was nice meeting you Jensen"

"Yeah, you too"

"See you at the panel" he says to Maddie, smiling at her as him and Sebastian walk away. Once they're out of earshot, Jensen turns to her

"So..."

"Do you want me to punch you?"

"Why are we punching Jensen?" Jared asks as he and Misha return

"He's being a smart ass"

"Was that Chris Evans I just saw walking away from our booth with Sebastian?" Misha asks, innocently

"Yep... they stopped by to say hi to Mads" Jensen tells him while he looks at Maddie, a shit eating grin on his face.

"OK, ok. My turn" Chris says before putting the empty pizza box on the floor. Him and Maddie are sitting on her hotel bed asking each other a bunch of quick, easy to answer questions to learn more about each other.

She grabs a pillow and hugs it to her body, resting her chin on it.

"Hit me" she tells him.

"OK, kids?"

"Damn Evans, right in with the hard hitters"

"Well it's a big one so may as well start off strong"

"OK then. Yeah, one day. With the right person. I've always wanted to be a mum, for as long as I can remember"

"Cats or dogs?"

"That's hard. I grew up with both, love both. Right now neither. Seb's allergic to cats and our apartment is too small for a dog. Plus we're hardly home to even keep a plant alive let alone a pet"

"Coke or Pepsi?"

"Coke over Pepsi but Pepsi Max over both"

"Favourite food?"

"Mums Shepard's Pie, Nans roast potatoes and anything cooked by Seb"

"Summer or winter?"

"Winter, I hate the heat"

"You're Australian"

"Yeah, that's why I hate the heat, there's too much of it"

"Fair enough. Sweet of savoury?"

"Savoury. Unless it's Skittles then all bets are off"

"Favourite supernatural episode?"

"Come on, you're gonna make me choose?"

"Yeah"

"OK, um... I'm gonna go with... Yellow Fever"

"Is that the one with the cat?"

"Yeah"

"Fuck that was funny"

"My stomach hurt after filming that scene we were laughing so much"

"I can imagine. Film or TV?"

"I'm not really a big movie person. I'll watch them but I much prefer TV. Even as a kid"

"Favourite Marvel character?"

"Marvel or MCU?"

"Both"

"Wolverine and Loki"

"Damn it"

"I'm sorry"

"It's OK. Clearly I gotta earn it"

"Well Bucky isn't my favourite and Seb's more than earned that so..."

"I like a good challenge"

"It's gonna take a lot to knock Loki off the top spot but if you think you're up for it"

"Oh, I'm definitely up for it. Umm... favourite Disney film?"

"The Lion King"

"Books or music?"

"Both. I will listen to music while I'm reading"

"How?"

"I have no idea"

"Phobias?"

"Needles"

"Really?!"

"Yeah, you would think because I have tattoos and piercings needles wouldn't phase me but nope terrified. It's bad too. Tears, shaking, the lot"

"No"

"Yeah... it's embarrassing"

"That sucks"

"It is what it is. Phobias are irrational"

"True. Um... biggest fear?"

"Loosing myself again. After Travis I... yeah, I never want to go back there"

Chris leans forward and puts his hand on her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. He didn't mean to make her think of him.

If he knew her answer was going to be that he wouldn't have asked. She gives him a soft smile.

"This one's important"

"OK"

"Favourite ride at Disney?"

She hunches over the pillow slightly and just looks at him, pressing her lips together. He raises his brows as a look of surprise appears on his face.

"No... you've never been to Disney?!"

"Uh uh" she says, shaking her head at him

"What... oh I'm gonna have to change that"

"I'ma hold you to that"

"I hope so"

"What's your favourite ride at Disney?"

"Space Mountain"

"You love it there don't you?"

"Yep" he tells her with a grin. She can't help but let out a small laugh, shaking her head at him. He's a child. A 32 year old, six foot tall child.

"Maddie"

"Yeah"

"I um... I really want to kiss you again"

"Then kiss me"

He leans forward and presses his lips to hers. He tastes like the pepperoni pizza they had for dinner. She lets out a small hum as she places her hand on his chest, lightly gripping his shirt

"Again" she says quietly when he pulls away. He smiles and returns his lips to hers. She pulls the pillow out from between them, throwing it on the floor before moving her hand to the back of his neck to keep him close. It just feels right.

His hands go to her hips and he pulls her into him, brushing some exposed flesh with his fingers as her shirt rides up. She is suddenly snapped back to really and freezes up, breaking the kiss.

"I'm sorry" he says, quickly moving his hands away from her body

"It's not you" she tells him, biting the inside of her lip trying to keep herself from crying, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.

She rests her forehead against his for a moment, tears welling in her eyes. Fuck. She silently screams, frustrated with herself and her leaky tear ducts.

He reaches up and gently wipes them away with his thumbs, he knows this is hard for her. The last person she was with hurt her in ways he can't even begin to imagine. Of course she has fears with him, he doesn't blame her.

"You OK?" he asks her quietly, seeing the look of defeat on her face. She gives him a small smile and presses her lips back to his for a few seconds before she pulls away, nodding.

He catches a glimpse of the digital clock on the bedside table behind her and sighs.

"It's late, I should go" he says reluctantly, he really doesn’t want to leave but they both had to get up early for work the next day and he doesn’t want to cross any lines.

"Or you could stay... we could watch a movie?" she asks hopefully while she plays with the hem of his shirt. He smiles, she doesn't want this to end either.

"I like that idea"

"Good... because I don't want to you to go"

TAGLIST

@aussieez

@littleone65

[theyarebothgunshot]

The questions at cons are getting boring anyways otherwise I wouldn't suggest it. But maybe someone should just ask "on a scale of all-my-pictures-live-in-the-cloud to i-have-an-entire-room-dedicated-to-scrapbooking where are you"?

god please no, nobody ask anything like this everrrr first rule about cockles is we don't talk about cockles etc etc (but yeah i do agree the con questions are getting boring)

more after the cut

I am 99% sure i remember someone had found an app that created that border at some point, and i know it was posted in a random reply on twitter, so not too many people must have seen that discovery. idk why that's so important to me but I've been trying to find that app for an hour now, i still haven't sadly!! I need this to find peace because i literally could swear it was from an app, even with that little tilt and those weird imperfect corners and all

now that you mention it, i do remember seeing a post about this...... though i don't remember if i was convinced it was that app or not lmao but yeah it's possible!

weighing in as well: the photo with danneel definitely has one of the old instagram frames, they removed them some years ago but some of my old ig pictures do have that same frame. the two anniversary pictures, i can’t really tell though because of the quality, it could be that frame on both which then were stitched together (but then that would mean a whole lot of trouble to make that one collage)

oh really?? in my mind the background on all three pics is the same but maybe it's slightly different idk.

listen i am a tinhatter as much as anybody can be—THOSE BITCHES IN LOVE—but i just neeeeed someone to know (and you're my favorite blog on this whole hellsite so im very sorry but im going to curse you with this) how fucking funny i would find it if the truth was jensen and misha are infact totally hetero, not even a little bit into each other—like, they truly and openly explored the idea with each other, really took it into consideration and were uncharacteristically open about feelings and attractions, and went 'ehhh nah sorry not for me' 'oh thank god i thought i was going to have to figure out how to let you down easy'—and that j&d are rigidly monogamous, but they do these things and perform these.. hmm.. displays.. utterly on purpose, fully aware of everything they do and the way we will interpret it, specifically BECAUSE we are so.. us.. about it. queerbaiting irl, acting in love so hard they've practically caused a cult—i KNOW cockles discourse has led at least one set of friends to come to actual physical blows, ive seen second-hand the fallout and damage of our beloved green blue conspiracy between believers and nonbelievers—just for shits and giggles. queerbaiting even harder than the nEtWoRk, just bc it's funny to them personally. that is both the worst timeline and by far my favorite timeline. i don't believe anything ive just said for a single second, but my sides hurt from laughing about it.

im also thinking about the fact that like. idk if we would have caught on as much, or at least in the numbers we did, if the show had just let the gays be gay on screen. many of us wouldn't be going "BUT WHY CHEMISTRY. WHY STARING. WHY SO CLOSE TOGETHER. WHY KISS FACE. WHY UNICORN LAUGH." if they had just said "uhh, because gay." like there would not have been much reason for most people to look deeper, there would not have been any reason for people who hate rps to be like "well, but.. i mean.. reluctantly, i cannot deny that the cards are all on the table.. they're.. uhh.. like, they're in love. duh." and the cockles community would be MUCH smaller and more niche. also an objectively horrible idea, also objectively hilarious. this one i do believe. not that they wouldn't be.. them.. like, they'd still be all mmlahh for each other, but they'd have a much more private relationship if not for the cdubs homophobia. and actually those of us that would ken it regardless of the show would probably have a lot more content if those two/three weren't under such incredible scrutiny. damn it.

anyway i am so sorry, you absolutely didn't ask for any of this but god its making me laugh out loud to think about so i hope it makes you laugh too!

lmaooo thank you it did make me laugh and also thanks for the compliment <3 yes i am sure jensen's on stage boners were all an act sfshfshf on a more serious note i do think i personally would still be as invested in perceiving them even if they did full on went for destiel in spn, but that's just me.

[whengeorgiawentblue]

the piscture is not proof but old and a fake a manip you hellers are sad the ear is wrong a floating ear means is fake there was someone else there and photoshopped out of the picture and how do I know because Jensen doesn't like misha he likes jared and has more pictures of them tgether

Anon, there are 3 undeniable facts you should know (or maybe you already know but refuse to accept):

Jared is straight. He has no romantic or sexual feelings at all for Jensen or any other man. If you are fan of Jared and yet don't realise this, maybe your a fake fan.

Jensen and Misha are bisexual and are/haven been involved in a romantic relationship for many years, probably soon after the first time they met each other.

Jared knows that, and besides pranks and teasing them about that, he has been very supportive of Jensen and Misha relationship.

So the sooner you accept these facts, the better for your mental health.

Oh, by the way, and this is also a warning for my fellow hellers:

There have been speculation in the J2 fandom that Jared visited Jensen on his birthday, because (as far as I know) Jared said in the J2 panel that he was planning to go to Colorado for his marriage anniversary with Gen, which happened around end of february/beginning of march. Now, someone posted pictures of Jared in a sky resort in Colorado, the post dated the 28th of february. So, yeah, Jared was there (well, he actually said he was planning to go to Colorado, no surprise, Karen).

The thing is, I think it's very reasonable he (and Gen, please don't forget her) might have visited Jensen for his birthday, but didn't say anything in social media because Jensen was supposedly keeping the minimum social contact before going to Toronto to prevent covid.

And yet most of hellers including me would be like "ok, that's great! That's what friends/bros do. Nice to see they could enjoy some time together 😊". And then we keep going with our lifes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

However, the moment there's the bare minimum proof of Jensen loving Misha (and I don't mean as lovers, just as friends) i.e. the baby picture at the hospital, J2 shippers absolutely lose their shit and say that "Jensen actually hates Misha, the picture is a manip, it's for PR, it's just working related and nothing else". Nobody is asking you to accept they are lovers, but at least don't deny their friendship.

Why such a stark difference? Because cockles truthers, including me, know cockles is real. We don't know whether they are still together, we don't know whether they have been with other people besides their wives, we don't know how and when their affaire started. But we do know, that they have been in love for many years. It's a fact of life. We live in an universe where cockles is real. And no matter what J2 shippers say, that fact is not going to change.

Meanwhile, J2 shippers are always extremely deffensive and agressive, like a cornered animal, because they are extremely insecure about their ship, because in 15 years they haven't found a single hint that Jensen and Jared could be something more than just good friends. I suspect that, deep inside their minds, they know cockles is real and J2 love is just an illusion, but they refuse to see the truth.

So, anon, no matter how many hate anons you send to me and other cockles blogs, we are not going to change our minds. You are not going to change the Universe. Cockles is real, and it doesn't hurt, and it's good. Embrace the truth, and you'll be happier.

[msgrumpygills]

See, the "Jared day" trending thing is somewhat hilarious to me, especially in light of the "planned attack" nonsense. I have not once seen a group of people plan an attack on Jared, and I have dipped my toes in all corners of the fandom. Not once. I know of a planned attack on Misha ( the "Kill God" campaign) forcing extra security to be required for him at that con. I know Jensen and Dee had their address leaked and had scary things sent to their house, forcing them to move. I know a few unhinged folk have said things to Jared and Gen online that certainly shouldn't be said to ANYBODY no matter how much you dislike them, but as far as a planned attack, on him/gen? Nah.

BUT

I have seen the Jared stans plan several trends. I have seen them plan at least three in the past year. Mostly when something is going on with Jensen or Misha, or when there's some sort of controversy around him (prequelgate, assult, a random child telling him to "shut up about Dean" on the interwebs which warrented an attack on said child and a "we must protect jared from the feind" trend...). And the thing is...Those might be the only times I've seen him trend on his own.

Now I have seen the heller side plan a trend once or twice (after the finale and maybe a couple times during the shows run) but for the most part trends for the other two happen naturally, because their fans and stans love talking about them.

So, I'm wondering if this is some sort of reverse projection. Like a "If we don't plan a trend to support our fave, then the people who are obviously planning to make him look bad, win" type thing. The paranoia. The hypocrisy. It's honestly fascinating. I want to know the logic.

Not saying there's anything wrong with trying to plan a trend to support someone, but maybe if they spent more time focusing on Jared himself and not what everyone else who isn't him or a stan of his may or may not be doing, him trending might actually happen organically?

Idk, anyway...Hope you have a good day Grumpy, and thank you so much for being here. 🙂

It’s telling that the Jared stans always have to try and make these trends trend when they want to try and take away from someone else or cover up something Jared did. You’d think they’d just pick a random day or just spend their time chatting about him regularly, but they want to try and plan these to outshine someone or to hide criticism and I don’t get that.

I honestly would love to be a fly on the wall in the Jared standom because I don’t have any clue how they come to the conclusions they do and how they justify certain things. I can’t even guess as to why they do what they do, but it is definitely fascinating! 

There’s definitely nothing wrong with trending an appreciation trend or a supportive trend or something! But they way they do it just makes it seem forced and like he can only trend when he stans make a big plan to get him to trend. If he was so great like they painted him to be, wouldn’t he and Walker trend everything Thursday like SPN used to? 

I hope you have a good day too and thank YOU for being here too! <3

[alloftheimaginess]

AD INTERVIEW

Other parts

Jared Padalecki

Misha Collins

Jensen Ackles

This part sucks ass but I low key like it. I’ll probably end up redoing it soon

"Hello welcome Ad" I say opening the front door for the camera crew and Alex comes up behind me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"I'm Yn Calvert" I say.

"And I'm Alexander Calvert, come right in" he says and I smile up at him.

"This house was built by my great great grandmother when she was in her 20's and then it was a gift to my great grandparents on their wedding night and then it was given to my grandparents and then my parents and then when Alex and I got married my mom handed us the keys" I say.

"We're currently in the middle of upgrading and rebuilding everything and we've been working on it for three years now" Alex says.

"This is our living room" I say as we walk in to it.

"This is honestly my favorite room in the house, when we're actually staying here the boys and I spend a lot of time in here, playing games, playing the piano and having quiet reading time" I say.

"I learned with kids a while ago that we can't have all the fancy things and I'm cool with with that because I enjoy the family vibes we created" I say going to the wall that holds all the photos.

"This is Misha on his first day of kindergarten" I say pointing to the photo.

"I cried harder than he did" I say laughing.

"This is a picture from our wedding night, I adore this picture so much because all of the couples can be seen dancing around us, I remember this moment because Flicker by Niall Horan was playing and at that point it was one of my favorite songs and right there you can see Jared and his wife being all cute" I say pointing it out.

"All the art you see in here is made by two of Yn's sisters who run an art shop" Alex says.

"They've been painting ever since we were young and the work they put out is amazing and every time we get a visitor they always ask where I got it from and I can easily promote my siblings" I say laughing.

"Over here is our kitchen" Alex says walking up the two step departing our kitchen from our living room.

"We tore down the wall because we wanted the open space, all the natural light and when I'm making dinner I can keep an eye out on the kids and they can eat their snacks at the table and watch tv or play the game while I'm doing whatever I need to do" I say.

"Let me show you my favorite part about the kitchen" Alex says leading them over to the sink.

"Yn cooks dinner pretty much every night which leaves me and the boys with the clean up and they like how big the sink is" he says showing off our farmhouse sink.

"Makes washing dishes so much easier and Aj use to take a lot of baths in here" he says patting the sink and I laugh.

"You sound like you're trying to convince everyone to get one" I say and he laughs with me.

"Maybe I am" he says taking them to the other room.

"Over here is where our dining room was but we don't use it so we made it into a branch off living room" Alex says.

"We celebrate the holidays here and it's perfect for Christmas when we have our families and friends here and the living room is taken, we have these two ceiling chairs and then some cushions and bean bags I like to think of it as a sort of cozy corner, this usually turns into the kids hang out spot when there's a group of them because we have the gaming tv here and they can just lounge and enjoy whatever game they are playing" I say.

"The backyard is what I'm probably proudest of" I say opening the folding sliding glass doors and we step outside.

"We have the pool over there completely gated off because Aj can't fully swim yet and he likes to play outside when I'm on the patio writing" I say.

"And on that side we have the boys playhouse from Charmed Playhouses, Yn seen a picture of one and she fell in love with them and decided that the boys needed to have a Harry Potter themed playhouse" he says.

"It's literally so cool in there, I should have just walked you to the playhouse and did a tour of that" I say laughing.

"We got Harry Potter because I've always been a massive fan and Misha when he was around three he fell in love with it and I knew I had to do it plus it's perfect for both boys and girls" I say.

"Now up the stairs on the right we have the office" I say sliding the glass sliding door open and stepping inside and Alex follows me in.

"There's not a lot here" I say.

"We're currently working on expanding this room because Alex has his desk and I want a space where I can put all of my art stuff so we're in the middle of that" I say.

"This is also where Yn keeps her awards because she's too embarrassed to show them off so she keeps them tucked away up here where she can glance at them to remind her that she can always be better" he says moving the picture frames they are behind.

"This is the hallway" I say and Alex laughs.

"Yn loves this hallway" he says.

"I do, I love it so much" I say giggling and I stop walking.

"This is why I love this hallway so much" I say pointing at the pictures.

"My family is very big and very all over the place. From my birth dad I have six siblings and on my moms side I have five and it's like crazy trying to get everyone together and when I found out I was pregnant with Mish everyone came and they showed up and I managed to get a few decent shots out of it" I say laughing.

"And next to that I have my all time favorite picture of me and my baby sister Zendaya at the oscars in 2015. It's a photo from the red carpet and I was telling her I was pregnant and this was her reaction" I say laughing.

"Moving on, the first room we have belongs to Misha, they are both down for a nap right now in Aj's room so I can show off Misha's room" I say opening the door and stepping inside.

"My mom actually designed this room for him and she put it together while we were in Canada while Alex was filming so we came back to it and it was a nice surprise, Misha loved it more than anything" I say laughing.

"She got him a moving bookshelf and every time we go to the store he asks for a book so he can add them to the book shelf so that way no one will know which books opens the bookshelf" he says tipping the book back and it slides open.

"This is his 'hey Misha clean your room bub guests are coming' hiding spot" I say.

"Gets the job done" Alex says and I laugh rolling my eyes.

"Until I have to come in behind him and clean it" I say.

"This is the game room" I say.

"It has all of the games your mind could ever imagine" Alex says opening the doors under where the tv sits and it is stuffed with games.

"Texas thunderstorms have taught us that we can never have enough games or candles to entertain us when we lose power or when it storms so much the boys are up all night" I say.

"Next is our bedroom" I say stopping at the closed double doors and I push them open.

"This is where the magic happens" he says and I laugh rolling my eyes and I step in.

"Our bedroom was one of the first things we did when we moved in, we tore it apart and with the help of my best friend slash Alex's fake father and his wife and we rebuilt this room in about two to three weeks and it was like the best time of my life" I say.

"In this little hole is where we keep Misha when guest come so we can pretend we did all the work around here" he says and I laugh.

"You're an idiot" I say and he laughs with me.

"This is a laundry chute, there's one in the main rooms such as ours, Misha's and Aj's and they can just send the clothes right to the basket which then I can just dump into the washer" he says and I nod.

"Plus there's never any clothes lying around, everyone should have one of these" I say.

"Through here is our bathroom and closet" he says opening the door and we go inside.

"It's just a bathroom it's nothing special to me but to Yn it is everything" he says and I press the button and the shelves come out the cabinet.

"It's my vanity but when I'm done I can put it away and not worry about anything getting messed up ever and I love it because everything is unorganized but you can't see the clutter" I say getting off of the pouf and I go into the closet.

"This is probably the most extreme room we have in our house because honestly I'm addicted to shopping and I need the space. I always wanted like the closet that Hannah Montana had and I didn't get it but honestly this one has hers beat so I'm not complaining" I say and Alex laughs.

"Like I said about the bathroom I don't get it" he says and I laugh.

"And the last room" I say opening the door showing off the nursery and I step inside them following me.

"You're the first ones that aren't apart of our inner circle to find out and we want to use this video as an announcement" Alex says and I nod.

"This nursery is for our princess who we are happy to announce will be born in four months" Alex says. "January 1st" I say smiling at the camera.

[spencereliotwinchester]

Red Stud (Part 1/3)

Title: Red Stud

Author:  Kat

Reader Gender:  N/A

Word Count: 8700

Summary: A look at how Jensen met Misha and began their journey. Partner to Submissive but can be read by itself. 

Warnings: AU, Sub!Jensen, Dom!Misha, Humiliation!Kink, 

A/N:  Seriously, not for the faint of heart. No hate. Inspiration belongs to @impala-dreamer

Thank you to @deansbxtch for being my beta

Character: Jensen Ackles x Misha Collins

--

Tags: 

@dr-dean @drarina1737 @zombitch-cas @teamfreewill92 @winecatsandpizza @bees0are0awesome @sierra-grace1227 @chenshemesh1 @weepinghollywoodatsupernatural @im-in-every-fandom-fangirl @rosescarlett @pandazombie69

--

“What are you doing this weekend, Jensen?” Jared asked as they walked to their ten a.m. biology class. 

“Nothing. Maybe doing that ‘American Ideals’ paper for the capstone class,” Jensen responded, heaving his backpack into a more comfortable position. “Why did we take half our classes on Friday?” 

“To have Mondays and Tuesdays off,” Jared laughed. “Anyway, there’s a rave happening at this club I know of. Wanna go?” 

“A rave? Like, an actual rave, not a house party?” 

“Yeah! They have strippers until Midnight, then it turns into a Rave. It goes until the morning I’ve heard. They also have some BDSM rooms, supposedly, but you have to be a member to go in there.”

“What’s the cover?” Jensen asked. 

“Fifty,” Jared said. 

“That’s cheap for Vegas.”

“That’s the whole point! Anyway, what do you think?” 

“As long as you don’t kidnap me into a BDSM room, I’m fine,” Jensen joked. 

“Ugh,” Jensen groaned. The taste in his mouth made his stomach turn over. It was like something had crawled in there and died. He sat up, careful to extract himself from the unknown man in his bed. His ass still had a dull throb from the previous night. 

Slowly getting out of his bed, careful not to wake up his partner from last night, Jensen made his way to the bathroom of the apartment he shared with Jared. He could hear the sounds of throwing up from inside. 

“Jare, I’m coming in to brush my teeth!” He hollered, opening the door. 

Jared wasn’t the one in the bathroom. A brunette was heaving over the toilet. 

“Oh, shit, sorry!” He said. She looked over at him. 

“You’re naked,” She stated. 

“Sorry,” he said again, and shut the door. 

The door to the apartment opened and Jared came down the hall with a drink holder of coffee. He handed one coffee to Jensen, who took it with a word of thanks and took a drink. 

“Still throwing up?” He asked, nodding to the bathroom. 

“Uh, yeah,” Jensen responded. “I’m gonna go put on pants.” 

As he pulled on a pair of soft sweatpants, the man still in Jensen’s bed stretched and then sat up. Jensen handed him his coffee. The man took a deep drink and handed it back. 

“Thanks,” he said, getting up and stretching again. “What a party, eh?”

“Wild,” Jensen agreed. The man’s deep voice and electric blue eyes brought a memory of last night to Jensen’s mind. 

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard. I’ll bet that’s all you want, filthy slut!”

“Yes, Sir! Please fuck me!”

“Oh, fuck, it’s nearly three!” 

He stood up and quickly dressed, gathering the pieces of clothing that had been tossed into various parts of the room. 

“Got any cologne I can borrow?” He asked. 

“Yeah, on the dresser,” Jensen responded, watching the man get dressed. When the man came up to him, Jensen realized he was nearly as tall as he was, with dark, disheveled hair, and those electric blue eyes that made Jensen feel as though he could see right through him. 

“Thanks for last night,” He whispered, Jensen smirked and they kissed.

“See ya around,” Jensen said when they broke apart, though he knew he wouldn’t. 

“That party was insane,” Jared said as they sat down on the couch in the small living room. 

“I don’t remember much,” Jensen grunted.

“You’ll get some pieces back like usual.” 

“Did we… Take anything?” He asked. 

“Besides a shit load of alcohol? I don’t think so,” Jared responded absently, scrolling on his phone. “Why?” 

“Just wondering.”

“We gotta do that again,” Jared sighed, happily. 

“I won’t,” a female voice said. The girl had come around the corner, purse in her hand. “Sorry for spewing my guts out.” 

“You okay?” Jared asked. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna go,” She turned to Jensen. “You should get on a pole more often.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You don’t remember?” She asked, then continued. “You got up on stage and swung yourself around the pole like you’d been doing it for years.” 

“I did what?” He asked, incredulous. Jared snickered. 

“It was pretty awesome,” Jared muttered.

“Shut the hell up!”

A few days later, he got a text from an unknown number. He was studying in the library. 

I can’t stop thinking about you stretched around my cock, those green eyes rolling up into your head.

He looked around, worried, but no one was nearby. 

Who is this? 

It could be any of his one night stands from the last few weeks.

I’m offended, we had such a good time the other night! - Sir M

It must be that blue eyed man he met at Frenzy. What did he say his name was? It had been something strange. Another message came through. 

You were such a good slut for me. I’d love to have you for myself. - Sir M

Jensen blushed to himself. He didn’t usually sleep with the same person twice. He thought briefly about making an exception. It had been an amazing night. Most of the pieces of the night had come back. The blue eyed stranger had dominated over him, easily taking complete control of their time together. Jensen had thoroughly enjoyed it. As the memories floated to the forefront of his mind, Jensen could feel that his cock was hardening. Another message. 

I’ll bet you’re so hot and bothered right now, thinking about the way I owned you. - Sir M

Jensen finally texted back.

Yes, Sir.  

It became tradition, each month Jensen and Jared would go to a Rave night at Frenzy. They would stay until the place shut down at 5 a.m. and then crash until late afternoon. Sometimes they brought dates home, sometimes not. Sir M and Jensen continued to message each other. Sir M could be very domineering, even over a simple text and it sent thrills of excitement through Jensen’s body.

About a week after his one night stand with Sir M, Jensen walked into the studio shyly, it was his first time here. He’d been curious about pole dancing ever since that girl had told him how well he’d done. 

“Shoes off please!” The teacher, Jaz, behind the desk said sharply. “No outside shoes on the studio floor. Please sign this waiver and set your yoga mat down next to one of the poles.” 

Jensen ended up loving pole dancing, going to class three times a week in between his college classes and working a part time job. One day after class, about six months later, Jaz called his name as he was walking out the door. 

“Yeah?” He said, walking over to her, his bag slung over his shoulder and a yoga mat in his hands. 

“You’re still pretty new, but I know you like to go to Frenzy every so often. They get a lot of their talent from this studio and they’re holding closed auditions for a new male act. I was wondering if you wanted to audition? You’re one of my only male students and I think I have just the song for you.” 

Jensen stood there for a moment, his mouth hanging open. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” He said eventually, “I mainly do this for fun-”

“Strippers there, especially males, make upwards of $500 a night.” 

That was more than Jensen was making now, way more. He thought for a few moments, then relented. 

“Let me know what to do.” 

Three Saturdays in a row, he practiced one on one for three hours with Jaz. On the fourth Saturday, they ran through the entire routine twice. Jensen was sore, tired, and out of breath. 

“You’re ready,” Jaz said excitedly. “I think you’ll take the job easy.” 

“You… Sure?” Jensen said between gulps of air. 

“I’m damn sure. You’ll knock ‘em dead this afternoon!” She gave Jensen a quick hug and began to ready the studio for her next class. “Make sure you drink plenty of water-”

“And eat plenty of protein,” Jensen finished, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance. “I know.” 

That afternoon, Jensen arrived outside Frenzy at 1:30. Auditions started at 2. He showed his paperwork to the bouncer at the door and was let in. The place was a little unnerving when it was mostly empty and the lights were all on. He made his way towards the Rave Hall and saw a check-in table. He walked up to the two women. One looked up as he approached.

“Here for an interview for the bouncer positions?” She asked. 

“Uh.. no,” he said, caught slightly off guard. “I have an audition for pole dancing.” 

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “Sorry! Um, name?” 

“Ackles,” He said. 

“Got it. Locker rooms are that way,” She pointed. “Follow the signs. They’re still doing female auditions, so they may be running slightly late. Do you have a song?” 

“Yeah,” he handed over a CD with his name and audition number on it, then made his way to the locker rooms. 

As he got dressed, his nerves started to send butterflies to his stomach. He pulled on a pair of tight black cycling shorts and a plain black t-shirt. He had decided to go barefoot for this audition. From the information he had received, there would be a panel of judges and they would ask him a few questions before he danced. Jensen noticed as he waited for his name to be called that most people were doing slow and sensual songs, sometimes even emo. This made him slightly more nervous since Jaz had chosen a fast song for him. 

“Next up is Ackles! Ackles to the stage!” 

Jensen took a deep breath and then stepped out of the curtain onto the stage. He stood next to the pole and blanched slightly. It seemed like most of the auditioners were staying in the room after they’d auditioned to see the rest of the performers. Jensen only saw three other men in the audience. Then he looked at the panel of judges. Two men and a woman sat there. 

The man in the middle had electric blue eyes. Electric blue eyes that made Jensen feel as though he could see right through him. Electric blue eyes that Jensen recognized. Sir M. It knocked the breath clean out of him. 

“You used your real name?” The bearded man asked, rolling his eyes. “What’s your stage name?” 

“I..I don’t have one,” Jensen stuttered, shrugging. 

“Oh boy,” he said in annoyance. “Any tattoo-”

“Red Stud,” the blue eyed man interrupted. 

“What?” the bearded man snapped. “Collins, are you in-”

“No, I’m just giving him a stage name. Red hair and just look at those muscles! Yummy.” 

“Red Stud, I guess it works,” The man turned back to Jensen. “Tattoos?” 

“N-No,” Jensen sputtered, he started to think this had been a mistake. He grabbed the pole, noticing it was on spin. He could do the routine either way, but doing it on spin was harder. 

“Why do you want this job?” The woman asked, speaking for the first time. 

“I love to dance,” Jensen said smoothly, he was aware his voice had become more even and slightly huskier. “I can dance, and I want to make money doing what I love.” 

“Well, I think we’d love to see!” Sir M clapped his hands together. “Go on.”  

I saw him dancin' there by the record machine

I knew he must a been about seventeen

The beat was goin' strong

Playin' my favorite song

And I could tell it wouldn't be long

'Til he was with me, yeah, me

And I could tell it wouldn't be long

'Til he was with me, yeah, me, singin'

As soon as the music started,  Jensen felt right at home. As if he were back in the studio practicing with Jaz. The loud guitar strums and drum set blasted through the speakers and Jensen opened “I Love Rock N’ Roll” by flexing his biceps, rolling his hips, and showing off his muscles, visible even under the t-shirt, to the various parts of the room. People started clapping along with the beat. When the lyrics started, he climbed the pole to the top, stopping at the end of each line to do various hangs to show off his strength, flowing with the hard rock. 

I love rock n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock n' roll

So come and take your time and dance with me

Ow

Once he reached the top of the pole, the chorus started and Jensen folded over and around the pole, holding an attitude position before quickly hip-switching to a sundial. He pulled up and inverted into a Fang, spinning quickly with the music before doing a cartwheel dismount. 

He smiled, so I got up and asked for his name

"That don't matter", he said, "'cause it's all the same"

I said, "Can I take you home where we can be alone?"

And next we were movin' on

He was with me, yeah, me

Next we were movin' on

He was with me, yeah, me singin'

He pole walked once, before unveiling his next climb. Jaz had spent the majority of their first session teaching him this complex no legs, hand-over-hand climb until Jensen could do it perfectly without falling. Jensen was surprised to hear cheers. He climbed, doing a pull up at the end of each line of music until he was at the top of the pole again. He quickly maneuvered into a cross-legged sit so his arms were free.

I love rock n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock n' roll

So come and take your time and dance with me

Ow

Jensen tore his shirt in half splitting it down his chest, then took it off and flung it at the blue eyed judge. He then inverted into a crucifix and nose dived down the pole. Jensen gracefully dismounted as the music faded. He took a bow to the cheering audience before turning his attention towards the judges. Jensen became all too aware of the sheen of sweat covering his face and chest and felt his cheeks reddening - it had nothing to do with the workout he’d just done and everything to do with Sir M staring at him. 

“I...I thought Jaz said you were new to pole dancing,” the woman said in awe. 

“I mean, I’ve only been pole dancing for about six months,” Jensen responded, shrugging. “Should I go?” 

“Can you dance like that tonight?” Sir M asked, his voice deep and vibrating. 

“I- What?” 

“Can. You. Dance. Like that. Tonight?” He asked again, more slowly, like Jensen was hard of hearing. 

“I’d need a new black t-shirt… but yeah, I can,” Jensen felt even more blood rushing to his face. 

“Then the job is yours. You’re on at midnight,” the bearded man said. “Be here no later than 11.”

As he was walking out, he heard his name called. Turning, he was shocked to see Jared. 

“Since when do you dance?” 

“Six months or so,” Jensen said, looking away from Jared. 

“Dude, you’re insanely good!”

“Uh...Thanks. Why are you here?” 

“Got hired as a bouncer!” He said excitedly. 

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Jensen exclaimed. “I gotta go call Jazzy and tell her I got the dance slot and then get ready for tonight.” 

“I’ll see you tonight! It’s my first night too.” 

Jensen was able to meet most of the other dancers that night in the locker room. It turned out that there were only three other male dancers, so everyone shared one locker room. A girl came up to Jensen. She was dressed in a red thong and red corset. She had blonde hair that was curled in large spirals. He recognized her as the female judge from earlier. 

“Hi, Red,” She said, smacking some gum and winking at him. 

“Hey,” He nodded. 

“Come on, I’m gonna show you the ropes and rules. I’m Cherie by the way. So, tonight. They’re just going to have you open the Rave with your routine, but people will still throw tips at you. Each of us also has a jar at the bar where people can place tips, too. Don’t forget to empty it before you leave for the night. If you have any problems with patrons on the floor, grab one of the bouncers. After a couple weeks, you might do some dancing for tips, or they might have you out on the floor to do lap dances and such. I dunno, Mish will let you know.” 

“‘Mish?’” Jensen asked. 

“Misha Collins?” She looked at him incredulously. “Big blue eyes, stubbled jaw, orgasm inducing voice?” 

“Oh, him.” 

“Yeah, him. Let's get some makeup on you.”

Jensen fidgeted as midnight approached. His butterflies were even bigger now and he worried he’d mess up the entire routine. As the acts neared his, the music got faster. Cherie was just before him in the lineup, her song started, ‘Cherry Pie’ by Warrant. Jensen warmed his body and put grip aid on his hands. Cherie came through the curtain. She had removed the corset during her act and was down to her red thong and pasties. 

“Good luck, Red,” She winked at him. 

He swallowed hard and entered the stage through the curtain. A few whistles met him. 

“Please welcome to the stage, our newest dancer. His debut performance right here, right now! RED STUD!” the emcee announced. 

‘I Love Rock N’ Roll’ started and Jensen began his routine. He only slipped once and it was barely noticeable. Cheers and applause met him and he bowed. Then, he quickly picked up the cash tips that had been tossed onstage and exited. He’d made nearly $250 from tips he’d picked up off the stage.

Jensen made his way to the bar after he put on another black shirt from his locker. The lights shut off completely and black light turned on. Glow sticks lit up the room. A thumping bass beat blared through the speaker. Jensen sat down at the bar in an open seat and waited for the bartender to see him. The bartender came over to him. 

“What can I get ya?” He yelled over the thick bass beat. 

“Shot of whiskey!” He yelled back. As he went to hand over a ten, a hand caught him. Jensen turned to see Misha standing right next to him. He was wearing a red t-shirt that was a size too small and stretched dangerously over his shoulders. Up close, Jensen was able to see just how handsome the man- Misha- really was. 

“On the house!” He yelled to the bartender. “And make it two!” 

Jensen and Misha tapped glasses and took the shots together. After four more shots each, Jensen was feeling much more free and relaxed. Misha tapped his hand against his shoulder. 

“Come with me!” He yelled. 

Misha dragged Jensen into the Rave and they began to dance together. After the second song they were both drenched in sweat and the alcohol was really hitting Jensen’s head. He hadn’t eaten anything in a few hours. Misha raised his hand to his mouth and swallowed. Then raised his hand to his mouth again. This time he grabbed Jensen’s face and began kissing him. Jensen opened his mouth in surprise and Misha shoved his tongue in and Jensen felt a small pill. Guessing what it was, he swallowed and continued to make out with Misha. 

Within ten minutes, the drug was taking effect. Jensen began to feel remarkably loose, happy and floaty. Misha was grinding against his ass and Jensen didn’t mind one bit. The music thrummed heavily through his head, his heart speeding up to match the rapid music. The bass beat dropped and Misha was reaching around palming Jensen’s half hard cock through the shorts he was wearing. His moan was lost in the music as he leaned back into Misha’s solid body. 

Then, Misha was pulling him along, through the waves of people. They reached a door on the other side and Misha pushed him through it. They were in a back hallway and Misha pushed Jensen into another room. The lights flicked on. Noise was completely silenced when the door closed but Jensen’s head pounded with the remnants of the bass line. 

“Should we be in here?” Jensen asked, eyes widening as he took in the sight of the room. It was a smaller room, but it was beautiful and dangerous. The walls were red, the carpet was plush and black. A few sex toys were scattered around and Jensen could only imagine what was in the armoire at the other side of the room. There was also a double bed in the corner behind the door. 

“It’s my private room,” Misha said. 

“A private room?” 

Misha came up behind him and began kissing and nipping at his neck. Misha grabbed the hem of Jensen’s shirt and dragged it over his head before going back to kissing his neck. Jensen moaned lightly. 

“Owning the place does have its perks,” Misha growled, his voice low and lust-filled. 

Jensen turned to face Misha and pulled the other man’s shirt off. Misha pulled Jensen over to the bed and pushed him down on it. As Misha kicked his jeans off and leaned down on top of Jensen, something clicked into place. 

“Are you a Dom?” Jensen asked. 

“You could most certainly say that,” Misha laughed. 

“I’ve never really… Except that night with you and I don’t remember everything.” 

“Well, it’s up to you, but I promise I’ll make it worth it if you stay, Boy,” the voice slipped down a few notes and Misha reached a hand into Jensen’s hair and pulled lightly. A rush of pleasure flowed through his body. Jensen moaned. “What are your limits?” 

“Nothing too crazy, I’m, uh, pretty vanilla you could say.” 

“Vanilla it is, but next time we do things my way,” Misha smirked before kissing Jensen again. Blood rushed to his face and his cock, making his brain spin. He laughed into Misha’s mouth, the feeling of euphoria enveloping him again. 

--

As Jensen began to swim into consciousness, he squeezed his eyes shut more tightly. His head was pounding, his muscles ached, his ass hurt, and his mouth was as dry as the deserts surrounding Las Vegas. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around the room. He had no idea where he was. The room was lit softly through thick curtains. The walls were a cool grey and matched the bedding. An unopened water bottle was sitting on the nightstand and Jensen grabbed it, cracking it open and taking a deep drink. 

“I was thinking I was going to have to come wake you up. It’s nearly five,” Misha’s voice startled Jensen, and he looked around to see Misha standing in the doorway. 

“I’d have been up at three if you hadn’t slipped me Ecstasy,” Jensen grumbled. “Where are my clothes?” 

Misha walked over to the closet and stepped inside. He threw a shirt and a pair of jeans on the bed. 

“You only had on those pole shorts when we came home,” Misha answered. “Take those. They should fit okay.” 

Jensen got out of bed and stumbled sideways. Misha caught him. He became suddenly dizzy and shut his eyes trying to clear the feeling before it made him hurl. 

“You okay?” Misha asked. 

“Just a bit dizzy… Stood up too fast,” Jensen grunted. He slowly put weight back on his legs and got dressed in Misha’s clothes. They smelled like leather and cologne. An image of Misha pushing his cock into Jensen’s mouth came to mind. 

“We should get some food in you,” Misha said. “Do you want to have dinner with me?” 

“Sure,” Jensen said, his stomach snarling at the thought. 

--

“Everything okay?” Misha asked. 

“When you said ‘have dinner’ I thought you meant a dive bar or a diner or something…”

“Oh no, Sweetness, when I dine, I dine in style.” 

“I’m not really appropriate-” Misha cut him off. 

“Nonsense. Come on.” 

The maitre’d greeted Misha by name and led them all the way to the back of the restaurant to a private booth. A waitress dropped off water, smiling at them before gliding away to the kitchen. Jensen fiddled with the menu, slightly uncomfortable. 

“What’s wrong?” Misha asked in his low, gravelly voice. 

“Just nervous,” Jensen mumbled. 

“Listen, about last night-” It was Jensen’s turn to cut off Misha. 

“I don’t regret anything.”

“Well… Good, then,” Misha said. “Are you good to go on tonight?” 

“Of course,” Jensen waved a hand at Misha.

The waitress arrived with an appetizer. 

“The usual, Sir?” She asked Misha. He nodded, then the waitress turned to Jensen, but Misha interjected. 

“Let me order for you.” It wasn’t a question. 

Jensen, shocked, nodded at him jerkily. Misha whispered into the waitresses ear and she gave him a nod before vanishing again. He turned back to Jensen, and put a hand on his scruffy face. Jensen suddenly had butterflies in his stomach again. 

“So what are you into?” Jensen blurted out the question. 

“Huh?” 

“You know, like you have a private room at Frenzy- Hell, you OWN Frenzy. You’re a Dom, you asked my limits…” Jensen trailed off. 

“I’m into things you couldn’t even dream of,” He said, darkly. Jensen shivered. It was strange, the way Misha could make him feel both scared and aroused at the same time. “But for the most part I’m into Dom/sub.”

“Like, whips and chains and ‘Master’?” Misha chuckled at the look on Jensen’s face.

“I’m more into the relationship, the power exchange, not the punishments, and I prefer to be called ‘Sir,’” He responded. “You know nothing of BDSM if you’ve just watched porn.” 

Misha began explaining the mechanics and the true BDSM scene. Jensen became much more interested, and aroused, as Misha explained the true relationship between Dominants and their submissives. He never figured this sort of scene would be up his alley, but the way Misha had made Jensen beg for release last night… 

“You’ve barely touched your food,” Misha stated. “Eat.”

Jensen did so. Misha smirked at him, his eyes were filled with lust and approval. 

“What?” He asked. 

“You absentmindedly enjoy being told what to do. I just had a very intriguing thought,” Misha said in a hushed voice. 

“What?” Jensen was even more confused. 

“Let me introduce you to being submissive. I think we’d be a good match. We like each other and damn you’re just yummy. I can’t get enough of you.” 

Jensen looked down at his mostly empty plate, his mind was hesitant, but his cock was thoroughly interested in the idea of having sex with Misha again. 

“Try it,” Misha pressed. “If you don’t like it, no harm no foul… But I think you’ll fall in love with it.” 

“Fine,” Jensen relented, telling himself he could try something new. “We should get going. I need to go home and shower. I also need to work out a little. I missed my afternoon class today.” 

“Want a ride home?” Misha asked. 

“That would be welcome,” Jensen whispered.

Jensen finally got back to Frenzy at ten pm. He opened his locker and saw a jar of tips. The jar from the bar. Jensen groaned, knowing he would probably be in trouble with the bartender for forgetting to pick them up. He then pulled his phone out of his locker to check it. He had a message from Sir M. 

I need you to open and close the dance acts next weekend. Open with a slow, sensual song for me? Then close with your regular routine. Next week you work Wednesday thru Sunday. W & Th & Sun 7p - 3a.m. Fr & Sat 7pm - 12:15 am, then you’ll join me in the Member’s Club -Sir M

He immediately texted Jazzy to find out if she could help him with a new routine. 

We can practice this week, I’ve got a good one for you. I’m here btw! To see you perform. 

That week was one of the hardest of his life. He even skipped a few classes at the college trying to get some rest between the club, school, practicing a completely new song, and texting Misha. He barely even saw Jared except at Frenzy. 

Friday evening came and Jensen was a ball of wrecked nerves. He was exhausted, but got a jolt of excitement at the thought of performing a slow song just for Misha. The emcee was beginning to announce the acts and Jensen’s whole body buzzed with nervous excitement. 

“Let’s open up with Red Stud!” The emcee yelled. 

Jensen took the stage and a few whistles broke out above the chattering crowd. He sat down in front of the pole, back pressed against it and nodded toward the emcee. “You’re the Best” by Wet played through the speakers as Jensen began to go through the choreography Jazzy taught him. It was slow and sensual, just what Misha had asked for. Most of the choreo had him on the floor, using the pole as just a prop, instead of being on it the entire time. He ended the song on the floor, in a shoulder mount with his legs split. People clapped, cheered, and whistled. Jensen collected the money on the stage and went back to the locker room, to rest and get ready for the closing act. 

After the closing act, Jensen got a t-shirt on and went out into the now Rave Room. As he approached the bar, he saw Misha talking to a few patrons. One girl was draped over his shoulder and a hotness spread through Jensen’s body. Jealousy. They had never said they’d be exclusive, Jensen reasoned, but he still wanted to toss the girl into what was now becoming a mosh pit. 

He grabbed a couple shots from the bartender, downing one right after the other. His eyes were trained on Misha at the other end of the bar, the jealousy burning through his veins, just like the whiskey he’d shot down. He finally shoved himself from the bar, deciding he could play the same game. He disappeared into the rave to find a partner for the evening. 

As he was grinding with a stranger, he felt a hand fist the back of his shirt and yanked him back. Jensen was shocked, he looked around and saw Misha was the one who had his shirt. He was surprised at the roughness and then saw the look on Misha’s face. 

His jaw was clenched and eyes were narrowed in anger. There was fury written into his face. He caught Misha’s eye for just a moment and saw only rage in the flashing blue. Misha shoved him through the same door as last weekend and into his private room. 

“Think you’re funny?!” Misha spat as all other sound was drowned out. Jensen opened his mouth but a single flash of Misha’s eyes and his voice died in his throat. “Grinding on some stranger right in front of ME? You’re mine!” 

Something strange happened at Misha’s words. He was slightly scared, very much confused and then a shooting feeling of arousal coiled through his belly. Jensen found his voice. 

“You had women all over you at the bar! We never said we were exclusive,” He strained his voice to keep it level. 

“I wasn’t the one out on the dance floor practically having sex!” 

“You were last weekend!” Jensen cried, aware that his words were making less sense. 

“You’re MINE, Boy!” Misha barked. The arousal came back, harder and stronger than before. 

“Promise?” Jensen breathed. 

Anger melted from Misha’s face. He looked confused, then a grin broke across his face. 

“What?” Jensen snapped, but the anger was melting completely and being taken over by desire. 

“You liked it.” 

“Liked what?” 

“Being called names. When I called you ‘boy’ I saw your cock jump in those tight shorts. You like being humiliated,” Misha looked at him fondly. “I’ll tuck away that information for later.”

They ended the night a lot happier than it had started, the fight completely forgotten, like the clothes all over the floor. 

--

Jensen was sitting at Misha’s kitchen table. A laptop, books, notebooks and folders were spread out around him. Jensen had his forehead pressed to the cool wood. He’d spent the better part of three hours trying to write a paper for his english class. What does each room color symbolize in Mask of the Red Death? Discuss. Jensen then thought of the two ten-page papers due at the end of the semester. A Topic of Your Choosing Using Compare and Contrasting Methods and How are American Ideals Still Relevant in Today’s Day and Age? 

He groaned and lifted his head up. He found Misha standing against the counter to his right. Misha was wearing a suit, crisply ironed, with a khaki top coat over it. From the looks of it, Jensen figured it was probably cashmere. 

“Looks like a tornado came through,” He indicated the mess on the table. 

“More like a typhoon. I’m drowning in this.” 

“I wanted to talk to you about some things, but it can wait if you’re too busy.”

“Please, I could use a break from this.” 

“Now that we’re going to delve into this relationship, I want to lay out a couple rules for you to follow,” Misha sat down at the table and looked at Jensen seriously. Jensen nodded. “Number One, you call me ‘Sir.’ Number Two, you don’t cum unless I say so. Number Three, do not lie to me, EVER. And Number Four, is this.”

He took a small, leather-bound book from the inside of his topcoat and set it in front of Jensen. Upon further inspection, it was a journal with lined pages. Jensen cocked an eyebrow at Misha. 

“I want you to keep a journal. At least one page per day, more if you feel like it. On the first page,” Misha flipped the book open, “I’ve written some prompts I’d like you to start off writing about, so we can hone and mold our relationship together.” 

“So, I’m drowning in homework… And you give me more?” Jensen said, indicating the haphazard papers that littered the table. 

“I guess so, yeah. Got a problem with that, Boy?” Misha’s voice dipped into a commanding voice. 

“No,” Jensen responded. 

“No, what?” Misha’s voice dripped with venom.

“Uh, no, Sir,” Jensen looked down at the table. 

“Failure to follow my rules will result in punishment, and trust me, punishment does not equal pleasure.” 

“Yes, Sir,” Jensen said, nodding his understanding. 

“That’s my good slut,” Misha said, patting his hair. Misha and Jensen had found out fairly quickly that the pet name turned Jensen on to no end and Jensen felt a swell of happiness each time Misha used it. “I have a meeting. Be good.” 

As Misha left, Jensen looked at the table. He rolled his eyes in frustration and grabbed the journal. Opening it to the first page, he saw Misha’s handwriting. It was slanted, neat, almost calligraphy

What are your likes and dislikes in the bedroom? Discuss. 

How are you currently feeling about our relationship? Write this subject weekly

What do you want from a sexual partner?

What do you need from a sexual partner?

There was a hard line penned into the page

Only Jensen may write, unless he gives permission for me to respond. 

This is Jensen’s safe space to write what he needs.

Jensen will never be judged for what is written. 

Jensen looked between the journal and the three college papers he was working on. He groaned and pulled the laptop towards himself, deciding to write a little more about Mask of the Red Death before trying to fill out his journal. 

The first room is blue, which symbolizes Poe’s own depression…

“You know, maybe he just liked the color blue!” Jensen yelled at the empty house. He tossed The Works of Edgar Allan Poe across the kitchen. 

I’m honestly not sure how I feel about the relationship with Sir. I’ve barely met him but I feel like I’ve known him for a long time. I’m nervous and scared, but also aroused…

Jensen felt extremely weird writing in the journal at first, but once he got the first few sentences out, a bunch more were written. He ended up with three pages. By the time Jensen finished his journal as well as the Poe paper, it was nearing 5 pm. Jensen stood and stretched. It was Monday, so he didn’t have work and he didn’t have class: college or pole. 

He felt like he hadn’t seen Jared in forever. At least, the last time he saw Jared outside of work or school. They never really had time to talk while busy studying and working. Jensen texted Jared. 

Where are you?

Video Games was the response. 

Jensen was getting ready to head over to his apartment when a thought struck him. He quickly texted Misha.

I’m going over to the apartment to hang with Jared. 

Home by 2am came only a few seconds later. Jensen set an alarm on his phone to go off at 1. 

Jensen had only been by the apartment a couple times in the last two weeks and that was only to grab some clothes, his toothbrush, and school things. Jared hadn’t been home. He was splayed across the couch, playing COD. Jensen grabbed a controller and joined the game. As they played, he couldn’t help but feel a sort of tension between them. After about half an hour, Jared shut the game off. 

“Drink?” Jared asked stiffly. 

“I’m gonna drive back to Misha’s later,” Jensen said. “Is something up?” 

Jared finished his own beer and grabbed another one from the fridge. He scoffed. 

“What?” Jensen pressed. 

“You know, dude,” said Jared, turning to him. “I don’t even know what to say. You get this job at Frenzy, end up in the back room WITH THE OWNER, and then disappear for three weeks. What the fuck, Man?” 

“It’s not like that-” Jensen started before Jared cut him off. 

“That’s how it looks from my angle! You’ve never been that kind of whore! Tell me, is it true? Are you Collins’ new bitch? I have never known you to sleep with a partner more than once, but now that it’s some rich dude...” 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Jensen tried to explain, but he realized Jared must have been drinking most of the day; he wasn’t usually this hurtful. “What?” Jensen was taken aback as he comprehended the last sentence. 

“That’s what I heard. That’s what everyone at Frenzy is talking about. You hopping in bed with the owner. Man, I knew you liked to sleep around but this...” 

“Jared, I’m sorry, dude. Let me explai-”

“Explain what? Just answer the question, Jensen!” Jared yelled. 

“We’re in a relationsh-” Jensen started to yell. 

“It’s been three weeks and you’re basically moved in with him! Do you know how worried I’ve been? I would’ve called the cops if I hadn’t seen you at Frenzy!” 

“I’m fine, Jared! What? Can’t bear me actually being happy?!” 

“You’re a goddamn idiot! You have no idea what this guy’s intentions are! Sure, we’ve all done one night stands, but this… This is a whole new level, even for you,” Jared had gotten right into Jensen’s face. Jensen didn’t back down. The hurt was pumping through his body and he stabbed Jared right where it hurt. 

“You’re the one who almost killed yourself over Gen leaving you!” Jensen shoved Jared hard. He didn’t react fast enough to the fist that connected to the side of his head. 

“Get. The fuck. Out,” Jared snarled. 

Jensen had to sit in his car for fifteen minutes before the dizziness finally passed enough for him to drive to Misha’s...To home. When he pulled into the driveway, he could see the lamp on in Misha’s bedroom. He felt relief at the sight, not wanting to be alone after his fight with Jared. He let himself in the house and went down the hall to Misha’s room. He hesitated for a few seconds before knocking on the door. 

“Enter,” Came a distracted response. 

Misha was propped against the headboard, wearing only his boxers. He was reading Things Fall Apart by an author whose name Jensen couldn’t begin to pronounce. He felt that, in a way. That his life was falling apart around him. The room began to blur and shift and Jensen clenched his hands at his side. It had been a long time since something like this had happened. His head began to buzz loudly, like angry bees. 

“Jensen?” 

The room began to come back into focus, but then thoughts of the night and the last month of his life overwhelmed him and the room spun wildly, his heart raced, and tears fell from his eyes. Misha was at his side, steadying him. 

“I need. My medicine,” Jensen was almost hyperventilating. “In my bag.”

Jensen curled up on the floor, holding himself until Misha came back with a prescription bottle. He popped it open and handed Jensen one pill. When shaking hands, Jensen put the pill into his mouth and swallowed. It would take about ten minutes for the effect to settle in and calm him down. With arms stronger than Jensen imagined, Misha scooped him up and set him down in the large bed. 

“Shh, just breathe,” Misha soothed. 

As time passed, Jensen felt his heartbeat begin to slow and his breathing evened out. He became aware of Misha holding him with one arm, the other carding through his hair. The feeling was soothing, comforting. When he felt he could, Jensen sat up and faced Misha. 

“Panic attack?” 

Jensen nodded. 

“That may have been something you should have told me about.” 

“I haven’t had one for two years,” Jensen whispered. 

“Did it have something to do with the bruise that’s darkening on your face?” 

“I had a fight with Jared,” He explained. 

“Obviously. What about?” 

“This. Us,” Jensen said, apologetically. “I should go lay down. The medicine makes me insanely tired.”

“Stay. I want to keep my eye on you.”

Jensen hadn’t stayed the night in Misha’s bed since their second night together. Jensen felt a swoop of anxiety, but then Misha brought a hand to his face, and it melted away. He leaned into Misha’s touch. 

After a moment, Misha got out of bed and beckoned Jensen to do the same. He set the book carefully on the nightstand and pulled the covers back. He indicated to Jensen to get into bed, then slid in after him. 

“Why do you have panic attacks?” Misha asked. 

“When I was little, and my Mom and Dad were still together, they fought, like, all the time. Downright screaming matches. Their fighting started causing panic attacks. So, now whenever there’s arguing it can cause an attack.”

“I guess the fight just really affected me. I shouldn’t have said some things,” Jensen sighed deeply. 

“We’ll have to be careful. Everything will be okay,” Misha soothed.

The light clicked off and Misha spooned Jensen, his arm wrapped around his waist comforting him. Jensen pushed himself back into Misha’s chest and within minutes, the exhaustion from the day as well as the medicine pulled him into sleep. 

Jensen woke the next morning, groggy and feeling like his head was too heavy to lift. He was alone in Misha’s bed. Slowly, he sat up. He noticed a small piece of paper on the nightstand on top of the book that Misha had been reading. He grabbed it. 

I will be in my office when you wake, taking care of some work. Eat some eggs and toast and meet me when you’re through. -Sir

Jensen went to the guest room he’d been calling his own. He slipped into the bathroom attached and did his morning routine. He then made his way to the kitchen, wishing he knew where Misha kept the Tylenol. 

As Jensen ate breakfast, he scrolled through his phone lazily. The group chat he was in with the other guys and girls had blown up the previous night. Jensen scrolled through quickly, getting the gist of what had been discussed. He paused, however, when the chat shifted.

Cherie: It’s almost Mish’s Birthday y’all. What are we doing this year? Another showcase? 

Brad: Maybe, he never gets tired of watching us dance. 

Ariel: What if we did a choreographed routine with all of us? We could do it on the weekend of his birthday.

Michelle: Ooo I like that. Unless @Red Stud has a better idea? 

Brad: That’s a good idea. Everyone meet at noon at Frenzy tomorrow. Come with song ideas. 

Cherie: Great idea! See everyone then?

Shit. It was almost eleven now. He quickly finished breakfast and packed a bag. Then he went to Misha’s office. Jensen knocked on the open door. 

“Enter,” Came a reply. 

Misha was sitting behind a large carved desk, looking through a stack of papers. He glanced up at Jensen. 

“Where are you off too?” Misha asked. 

“Uhh,” Jensen hesitated, not knowing if the birthday party was a surprise. 

“Don’t lie to me,” Misha reminded him suddenly, fixing him with a blue-eyed stare that seemed to read his mind. 

“Okay, I’m meeting the other girls and guys at Frenzy-”

“Ah, yes. My birthday,” Misha rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I just wanted to give you this and ask you to fill it out. I’m filling one out, too. We will compare them and make necessary changes before signing.” 

Misha slid a thick packet towards Jensen. He walked to the desk and picked it up. Standard D/s Contract - Misha Collins was the title. Jensen felt his cheeks heat up. 

“Okay,” Jensen said, slipping the contract into his gym bag. 

“Okay what?” Misha snit.

“Sorry. Yes, Sir,” He amended. Jensen walked around the desk, so he was directly next to Misha, who had gone back to his report. He gave Misha a soft kiss on the cheek which he accepted. 

“Tell the girls and boys not to worry too much. I think I’ll be getting exactly what I want for my birthday already,” Misha threw him a quick, dirty look. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“Be good, Slut.” 

Jensen closed his eyes for a moment, letting the heat pool in his belly. Then, he left to get to Frenzy. He seemed to be the first one there, surprisingly. He changed, then warmed himself up quickly. He walked out to the stage and placed his phone off to the side, hitting the “Play” Button on the song he wanted. The slow guitar started and Jensen began swaying his body to the music, body rolling on the pole, doing slow spins. 

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am young again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am fun again

“I think Red should do the choreography!” He heard the yell, it startled him and he lost grip on the pole, landing painfully on his elbow. 

“I have no idea how to do choreography,” Jensen said tersely, sitting up and rubbing his aching elbow. He looked around and saw Brad, Cherie, and Michelle, who seemed to be the one who’d yelled. 

“Yes, you do,” Cherie said. “I know you can. Just by watching that performance, I know you can.”

Everyone filtered in and then Cherie called for silence. 

“I think Red should do choreo,” Michelle said again. 

“All in favor?” Cherie asked. Everyone except Jensen yelled ‘Aye!’ 

Jensen groaned. 

“Now, what song should we do? Fast or slow?” 

“Slow,” Jensen said. “I’m a lot better at slow choreo. Jazzy’s the one who usually choreographs for me.” 

It took nearly an hour before they’d settled on a song. Jensen huffed, it wasn’t a very slow song, but he could work with it. 

“Give me a half hour to figure out what we’re doing,” He grumbled, grabbing a pad of paper from behind the bar. 

Jensen played Breathe on Me at least five times, stopping and starting and writing the choreography on the pad. He called Cherie over and went through it with her. That way she could teach group one and he could teach group two. After about two hours, Jensen called it quits for the day. 

After a long shower, Jensen settled down at the kitchen table to do his homework and try to go through the large contract Misha had given him that morning. He’d gotten his english paper done, his journal written in, and was just staring at the front page of the contract when Misha arrived. 

“Slut,” He greeted, flashing a smile his way. 

“Sir,” Jensen nodded at him, a smile spreading across his face. 

“I’ll be in my room. Have fun.”

“Yes, Sir.” 

Jensen, in his limited free time, had been doing a lot of research into proper BDSM etiquette and rules. As Jensen read through the contract, filling in the blanks, he was all too aware of his cock hardening. He palmed himself as he went through the listed kinks and fetishes and circled ones he’d be willing to try. One line of the contract kept playing through his mind.

Above all, the primary duty of this submissive is to please.

Jensen grinned to himself. He had a sudden idea, and it sent warm heat through his body as his heart sped up. He hoped this would work, because if not, he’d be having a hard time following Misha’s rule not to cum without permission. 

He walked down the hallway, his heart pounding in his chest. The door to Misha’s room was open and Jensen dropped to his knees just outside the threshold. He put his hands on his thighs and bowed his head, closing his eyes. He’d seen this pose on a website as one of the accepted sub poses. He itched to call out, call attention to himself, but he pushed the urge down, stubbornly. Jensen waited. 

A calmness washed over him. His breathing and heartbeat slowed, the thought of pleasing Misha helped him ignore the numbness in his knees. Finally, Jensen heard an intake of breath and the swish of sheets rubbing against pajama pants. Jensen kept still, unmoving. He fought the urge to snap his head up. To meet those blue eyes that could read his mind. 

“How long have you been here?” Jensen couldn’t help the shiver that ran through his body at the soft, loving tone. Misha was right next to him. A hand rested on Jensen’s head. Jensen leaned slightly into the touch before remembering to keep his pose. Words were lost to him. 

“Speak,” Misha’s voice was still soft, but had an authoritative tone that Jensen couldn’t ignore. 

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly. It could have been five minutes or three hours. The time had melted away, had become meaningless. 

“What do you need?” Misha asked. 

“To please you,” spilled from his mouth. 

“Good Slut.” 

A sense of pride swelled inside him and a jolt of arousal coursed through his cock. 

“Crawl in here and take your position,” Misha guided him to an open space in the bedroom. 

When Jensen had resumed his pose, he listened intently, trying to figure out where Misha was and what he was doing. Misha’s hand curled into his hair, lifting his head. Jensen struggled to keep his eyes closed, but his lips parted slightly as his breathing quickened. The soft, velvety head of Misha’s cock brushed lightly against his lips. A shiver went down his spine. Sure, he’d sucked guys off before, even Misha, but never like this. 

“Is this what you want?” Misha asked, his voice low and growly. 

“Yes, Sir,” Jensen whispered. 

PART 2

[thetiredstuff]

What did Misha say?

Hi!! Okay, I’m gonna be honest, I’m probably not the right source to ask because I’m going through it right now lol. I also (and this is the most important part) only have information from Twitter threads not from attending the online panel itself. Hence I have no idea how he worded it. 

Misha had an online panel today (the video is not available online) and he’s said a bunch of stuff. And a bunch of it was so good to hear and really validating and just speaks to how he sees Castiel and how he doesn’t wanna taint the picture we have of him and the way fans see Cas. Honestly, I really recommend going through the various Twitter threads available about Misha's m&g especially because he said some really validating and beautiful things. 

At a certain point, Misha mentioned something about how Dean feels towards Cas, and @/alohacowboy on Twitter was present during the online panel and tweeted this:

“Misha does not think Dean reciprocated romantic love. Purely Misha’s interpretation but that’s how he sees it.” — @/alohacowboy

Now I posted those two negative posts right after reading this cuz not gonna lie my heart was kinda broken for a sec lol. But very important: this person has said themselves that they have kind of a doom and gloom view so to speak. So they could have interpreted way darker than what Misha meant. 

Someone else (@/NorthernSprw) who also attended the virtual panel said this:

‘- he kind of thinks Dean does not feel romantic love back; but he interrupted himself here to say “I’m speculating”, & again made the point that he does not decide people’s interpretations; he wrapped up with “I don’t know what’s in Dean’s head. And Cas doesn’t know”’ — @NorthernSprw

To me, that second one sounds wayyyyyyyyy more promising. Him revealing that Dean doesn’t have romantic feelings would be kind of a huge spoiler with two more episodes to go. The second one to me sounds like Misha was talking about his own perspective of the love confession. We know Cas doesn’t believe Dean is in love with him because he said “The one thing I want is something I know I can’t have”. And Misha (I love him with all my heart and being) but the man is a doomy and gloomy person when it comes to Cas. 

The fact that he said “I’m speculating” really makes it seem like he is talking from his point of view and the viewers. Because let’s be honest Dean hardly reacted. Like the die-hard fans know that Dean did react with micro-expressions and that overall this character is just so emotionally stunted, that it makes sense that he didn’t say anything.

But for the majority, it could very well seem like Dean isn’t in love with Cas. 

However, I doubt Misha would “spoil” that Dean doesn’t reciprocate those feelings because there are still two more episodes to go. Plus, our small corner on Tumblr knows Cas is gonna come back in episode 20. Misha wouldn’t spoil something so huge when Dean still has to speak his truth to Cas just like Cas did. 

Overall the consensus is: I should delete Twitter lol

Also just wanna point out: Dean sat crying on the floor, unable to pick up his phone because he was so devastated by Cas’ death. We’ve seen time and time again that Dean needs Cas in order to have the will to live. That is literally what it boils down to: Cas is Dean’s will to live. Now I don’t know about you but that sounds pretty in love to me.

I also just saw this tweet:

“Misha and Jensen never discussed what Dean’s thoughts on Cas’ confession are. 

 Misha, multiple times: THIS IS ME SPECULATING. This is Misha’s take, not Cas’ take. And Cas doesn’t know.” — @jolauriang

And that’s just pure bullshit. You don’t act out that scene after all those years, knowing and treating this scene as a very important and monumental scene to then not talk about what Dean’s take is. Misha is hiding something. Me guess it’s him coming back and Dean confessing his love. I’m ready to clown again.  

For those interested in seeing what Misha said during the meet and greet, I highly recommend reading the following Twitter threads: 

@NorthernSprw (summary)

@jolauriang (very very positive which is a nice break from the negative bs)

@aIohacowboy (more extensive)

[theyarebothgunshot]

ok just in case misha is lurking around here again (and there's a good chance he might be led to check tumblr by all the noise everyone's making about the "new" picture), I just want to say it in case it gets lost or confused among all the incoherent screaming and yelling:

MISHA, WE ADORE YOU AND JENSEN, together and separately, and we don't mean any ill. everyone's just excited because you're literally friendship and/or couple goals and you guys are nearly too cute (and awesome) to be real. the cockles fandom loves you whole-heartedly and you guys have our full support in every way, shape and form. just in case that wasn't totally clear already. keep being awesome and maybe throw us some crumbs every now and then. lots of love from everyone in this corner of the internet <3

100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

*sigh*

about the whole ‘do not ship real people. ever’ argument i’m gonna HAVE to say my piece on it and then i’m gonna shut up forever because i’ve heard it ALL and i just have to get all my thoughts out there even if no one reads them

i don’t know how else to explain i have never once ‘shipped’ something ever in my whole life. i have merely perceived and enthused over what EXISTS. like, correct me if i’m wrong, but....what would you ever get out of shipping two people who AREN’T actually together??? what is the point? you don’t get anything out of that; i mean, it sounds pretty exhausting and sad to look for proof where there is none. and they don’t get anything out of that. THAT is where it absolutely becomes gross and creepy and i have no respect for rps like that. septiplier is a PRIME example, where both people involved have gone on the record saying it destroys relationships because of course it does! why don’t people have any common sense! which is why my rule is to never let myself ‘ship’ something unless they are indisputably an item, and THAT’S where the cardinal rule of ‘don’t ship real people’ gets fuzzy.

i have been around the block in terms of rps HEAVILY with dan and phil. i have also engaged in a small way with joey and lauren(richpez) and reeve carney and eva noblezada from hadestown.(i have been correct in my assumptions[that they are in fact together] all three times so.....yeah, i kind of know what i’m on about) and from my well-versed experience, the essence and entertainment factor of rps is kind of the whole investigative nature? we become body language analysts and experts and stories resurface as do old tweets that when you put everything together, the natural conclusion(that yeah duh they’re obviously dating) would be super hard to ignore. and here is my thesis: shipping real people is fine as long as, 1. you have REALLY good reason to believe they are in fact in a relationship, to a point where it’s undeniable and 2. the speculation stays ONLINE, AWAY FROM THE PARTIES INVOLVED. both of these two coinciding statements have to be true for me to get behind it in any way.

anytime one of those rules are broken is when things get SUPER messy, and SUPER harmful SUPER fast. i’m gonna use dan and phil as an example again because i know what happened there the best. i’ve heard countless stories of people going right up to dan and asking who tops and who bottoms. there have been more than one instance of people going to meet and greets purely to corner them both and ask if they’re in a relationship. and props to dan and phil for putting themselves out there and risking...you know, those kind of interactions. because what the actual fuck. and yes, dan and phil are together, have been since 2009(and if you disagree i literally do not know how to explain that you are both blind and being willfully heteronormative), but that doesn’t give anyone the right to play an active part in it. witness it, sure. speculate with like minded individuals on tumblr? of course. but when you cross lines, and you KNOW you’re crossing lines..that is super, super uncomfortable for everyone involved. i do not disagree that that sort of thing is seriously stupid and harmful, which dan also confirmed in his coming out video that that sort of thing quite literally scarred him for life. just imagine how dehumanizing it would be, for people to perceive you as, not a person, but one half of a ship on the internet? and to feel entitled enough as to literally ask them about them it? gross. creepy. weird. 

BUT! youtube clip analysis posts on tumblr is NOT THE SAME THING AS BEING DISRESPECTUL. honestly, any posting on tumblr(again! AWAY from the parties involved) is NOT THE SAME THING. talking about them in youtube or tiktok comment sections, not the same thing. and i’m talking about specific ships here, LIKE cockles, because they are what prompted this post from me. 

i am not saying you have to agree with those type of posts, but like...just leave them alone? maybe? and if you call me crazy, i’m gonna laugh at you, because i know what i’m talking about and i could blow your mind.

to go even further, and i’ll use my two comfort couples as examples: on some level(WITH COUPLES THAT ACTUALLY EXIST), they probably, definitely appreciate being shipped. think about it. not the invasive aspects of it, like asking about what they do in private and investigating their addresses so you could maybe stalk them(which has happened and i think larry stylinson got it worse? i’m avoiding that whole thing because it sounds like an otherworldly mess). i’m talking the best part of it, which is seeing and sharing clips of them looking at each other and saying ‘they look so in love here’. both of my couples have terms coined after these types of things...’heart eyes howell’ ‘love eyes lester’ and the ‘unicorn laugh’ all come to mind.(misha doesn’t have a term but boy does he have the expressions) i mean, if you were in a relationship, and people saw how happy you were, and just like, basked in that happiness online, that’s kind of beautiful, no? i would want that. 

and about my actual post where people are like ‘go outside. stop shipping real people this is crazy’ ...does my posting about an interview answer jensen gave in 2016 seriously hurt anyone in any way? really? maybe,,,,don’t interact with posts that aren’t to your own personal taste? again, jensen literally SAID THOSE THINGS. jensen and misha SAY CRAZY THINGS LIKE THAT. they SHARE ANNIVERSARY POSTS. THEY MAKE JOKES ABOUT THEM HAVING SEX 24/7. THEY ARE PUTTING A GUN TO OUR HEADS AND FORCING US TO WITNESS THEM. jensen SAID that answer because that’s the furthest he can go without completely outing himself as a bi, poly man and i’m simply seeing that and reacting to it, just like he wants me to. i don’t feel wrong or weird for any analysis posts when it comes to them because they are actively egging us on and actually do want us to know. so. 

i guess i’m ranting because i resent being called, like, a crazy shipper fangirl or something. i am not crazy. or stupid. and i have a brain and would never cross any lines. and maybe consider why ships like cockles and phan gained so much traction in the first place. maybe consider we’re not reaching and never have been. on that note, maybe consider why DESTIEL gained so much traction when tptb never intended for it to happen. ...