#we have had to watch neil be abusive multiple times

[pendinganchor]

neglect is definitely still abuse but what we’re not going to do is pretend that leaving your teenage son home alone for a week is comparable to physically beating him

[starsandgutters]

Flash Ficlet requests! Oh okay thinking time now…Kevin hopelessly pining after Aaron…I love all of your writing…what to say, what to say…

May I ask about Kevaaron meeting each other before Neil gets recruited? (honestly I’d be happy with anything the way you write them brings me so much joy anytime I read any of it <333)

I wasn't sure if you wanted this canon based or in an AU where they get together instead of Aaron with Katelyn, so I've just left it open ended. I actually think Aaron really didn't like Kevin at the start, and Kevin just didn't care about Aaron. He was too insignificant to him for him to have feelings about.

CWs: Implied abuse Depiction of an anxiety attack Blood mention

Aaron has seen Kevin Day before. Through a screen, yes, multiple times, but also when he came to try and recruit Andrew. As much as he made an impression of a stuck up, arrogant, conceited bitch, Aaron could admit that he knew how to play. His speed and strength on the court were impressive, but he had grace as well, movements fluid despite his size.

Mostly. Aaron noticed sometimes he tensed when he moved too suddenly, or that certain moves held a stiffness to them. Aaron recognised that. Aaron spent a lot of his teens moving around like that, after all. It could have just been injuries from training, the Ravens were hardly known for their clean games, but it made Aaron wonder. 

His suspicions are confirmed when Wymack brings Kevin to the Foxhole Court for the first time. Gone is the superior facade. Kevin Day has been stripped down to a damaged, skittish animal, clutching his injured hand to his chest and warily eying the team. Wymack runs through introductions, tells them Kevin’s going to be assistant coach going forward. A feeble excuse to get him a scholarship, Aaron’s sure. Special privileges for exy’s special little boy. He keeps his gaze set on Kevin the whole time, watching how he holds his left hand in his right, thumb rubbing over the support bandage around it. 

Kevin does not look at Aaron. People rarely do. So he is free to observe all he wants.

*

Any ounce of sympathy Aaron may have managed to scrounge together for Kevin quickly evaporates once he finds his voice. He’s an absolute ass, meticulously tearing each of their play styles apart, heavy on the criticism and light on the constructive. The Foxes are vicious to him in response, and Aaron can’t blame them. He mostly stays out of the arguments, unless Kevin turns his yapping on him directly, then he bares his teeth and snaps back.

Andrew seems endlessly amused by the whole ordeal. He acts unaffected by Kevin’s attitude. Regardless of how hard Kevin tries, he cannot get Andrew to care about this game. Aaron could have told him to save himself the hassle. Andrew doesn’t care about anything since they doped him up on those fucking meds. Aaron thinks they’ve done more harm than good.

Off the court Kevin is only fractionally less irritating. He makes stilted, awkward attempts at conversation, always giving the impression he thinks he’s above them, that he’s lowering himself in talking to them. He never asks anyone questions about themselves, either. Just talks about his interests. Aaron takes any chance he can to contradict him.

“You’re not working on the things I told you to,” Kevin says.

“You’re not my coach or my captain.”

“I’m your assistant coach.”

“We all know that’s just an excuse for Wymack to keep you here after your little boo boo.”

“What the fuck is your problem? Is it the height? You’ve got some kind of Napoleon complex?”

It is, ironically, a low blow. Kevin’s leaning over Aaron, expression warped into one of anger. In spite of the responding anger stirring in Aaron’s body, he smirks. 

“Napoleon was actually around 5’6, which was average for French men of his time. And the Napoleon complex has been disproved. Studies show short men are actually less likely to lose their temper compared to taller men. Maybe you should check your facts before you open your mouth.”

Kevin blinks, like he didn’t expect that, like Aaron has caught him off guard. Of course. Everyone always underestimates him. What else is new?

“Then what’s your excuse?” 

“I don’t need an excuse. You’re a dick. I’m just reflecting your energy back.”

*

Kevin goes from an annoyance Aaron has to deal with for a small segment of his day, to enemy number one when Andrew decides to adopt him. They’ve made some deal that ends up with Andrew and Kevin attached at the hip, meaning Aaron is now faced with Kevin Day everywhere. In the car, at Eden’s, sleeping on the couch in their fucking house, the one place that should have been Aaron’s sanctuary. Andrew had made a deal with Aaron first. Just the two of them, sticking together until graduation, but apparently Kevin gets the special privilege of being an exception. 

What’s worse than Kevin trailing Andrew around like a lost lamb is when Andrew leaves him with Aaron. Aaron really feels that at his big age Kevin should not need babysat, and yet that seems to be what happens on a frequent basis. 

Aaron has mastered the art of sitting in stony silence with people, but petulant princess Kevin Day can only last so long before he talks, and talks, and pushes at Aaron’s buttons until he finally responds. And okay, maybe Aaron doesn’t really talk to people that much outside of school, bar Nicky. Andrew barely looks at him, and their deal keeps him isolated enough that making friends is a challenge. Aaron reflects spitefully on how this is yet another thing that doesn’t apply to Andrew, who befriended Renee during their first year. 

Fuck double standards, actually. Maybe he should just allow that spite to direct him into befriending Kevin as a petty pushback at Andrew. I made a friend too, and what’s worse, mine is your little pet project. 

“Fuck sake, Day, don’t you come with an off button?”

It would probably be a more effective endeavour if Aaron were not an asshole.

*

A glass shattering in the kitchen makes Aaron start. His heart rate rockets up. Years of smashed glasses, plates, slamming doors come rushing back to him, jangling his nerves. He breathes shakily. Reminds himself she’s gone now, he’s okay, it’s just Kevin in the kitchen. 

“What did you break?” he calls, but gets no answer. Cautiously Aaron gets to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen. Kevin is standing by the broken remains of the glass, staring down at it. He’s clutching his left wrist, hands trembling as he hyperventilates. There are tears in his eyes but he hasn’t let any of them fall. Aaron was not prepared to see Kevin’s vulnerability put on display like this, such a far throw from how he’s used to seeing him. He feels his skin tighten and tense with discomfort as the hateful image of Kevin in his mind starts to splinter and crack apart. Kevin’s head turns towards him, eyes wide like a cornered animal. He ducks down towards the glass, still gasping breaths. 

“Don’t.”

Too late. Kevin’s in no state to be cautious with it, and the first shard of glass he touches slices his finger open. He draws it back swiftly. Aaron thinks it’s probably a shallow wound, but it’s bleeding a lot already. He catches Kevin by the arm and hauls him up, pulling roughly when Kevin tries to resist. 

“I’m helping you, dickhead. Come on.”

Kevin tries to glare at him, but with his watery eyes and short, gasping breaths, he’s really not intimidating. Aaron pushes him down into one of the kitchen chairs. He wraps some kitchen roll around Kevin’s bleeding finger, guiding his other hand over to press against it. Kevin’s hands are surprisingly warm against Aaron’s, whose fingers are always cold. 

“Stay. Keep pressure on that,” he says, and runs off to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. The only movement Kevin does in his absence is curl in over himself, his back visibly shaking when Aaron comes back. “No, no, you need to sit upright. Come on.”

Aaron pushes at his shoulder, but Kevin resists, curling tighter into himself. Aaron represses a sigh. He tries to soften the impatient edge out of his voice. He can do this. This is what he wants to do, after all. Look after people. He tries to imagine he’s talking to a frightened child instead of Kevin, tries to envision how he would approach that differently. 

“Hey. You’re going to be okay. Kevin, do you hear me? It’s going to be okay, but I need you to sit back for me now. It’s harder to breathe in that position. If you sit up straight it’ll open your airways more. Can you sit up for me?” Aaron tries again, this time with a more gentle touch to Kevin’s shoulder, guiding him up instead of pushing. Kevin looks at him, eyes unsteady, face blotchy. Aaron holds his gaze, trying to keep his face even. “There. That feels better, doesn��t it? Next you need to get some more air in.”

Kevin lifts his hands without letting go of the bloody kitchen roll. He taps them against his chest. Aaron nods.

“I know your chest is hurting, but that’s because you’re not getting enough oxygen. We’re going to do some deep breaths together. You just follow me. The first few are going to suck, but they’ll get easier.” Aaron makes a show of breathing loud and exaggerated. Kevin struggles to mimic him at first, still only getting small, jumping breaths. “Come on, Kevin. You can do this.”

Gradually Kevin’s inhales get longer. Aaron keeps going until Kevin is breathing deep and steady, though there’s still a slight rattle on his exhales. 

“Good. That’s better. I’m going to clean your finger now-”

“I can do it.” Kevin pulls his hand back when Aaron reaches for it. Aaron gives him a flat, unimpressed look. 

“I’m sure you can, but I’m going to.” He grabs Kevin’s forearm. He knows most of the damage was done to his hand, but there are that many connections to the wrist, Aaron’s sure he probably feels pain there too. He’s seen Kevin clutching it a few times. It’s harder to get the leverage to pull his hand back with his forearm, but Aaron manages. “This might sting when I disinfect it.”

Aaron is sure it does, but Kevin sits silent and impassive as he cleans up the blood. He gets a better look at the cut, and like he thought, it seems fairly shallow. It’s just bled a lot. Aaron puts a bandaid on it just in case the movement of Kevin’s hand causes more bleeding. 

“Keep that on for tonight, then put a fresh one on in the morning.” Aaron takes a strip of bandaids out of the kit and hands them to Kevin. Kevin takes them without thanks, but he does meet Aaron’s gaze, something unrecognisable in his face. It’s a world away from the haughty expression that is usually cast Aaron’s way. 

*

Padding downstairs as quietly as he can, Aaron makes his way to the kitchen for a drink of water. He’d startled awake from a bad dream with dry mouth. There’s light from the living room as he passes through. Kevin glances over from where he’s sitting on the couch. There’s an infomercial playing on loop on the TV.

Aaron brings his water through and sits on the armchair. He lifts the remote, glancing at Kevin, but Kevin makes no protest. He looks like he’s just been zoning out with the screen on. Aaron flicks through channels until he comes across Jurassic Park. He doesn’t know why they’re playing it as this god awful hour, but he leaves it on.

“I loved this when I was little,” Kevin says after they’ve been watching for ten minutes.

“Yeah? Me too. What’s your favourite dinosaur?”

“T-Rex. Obviously.”

“Ugh. Basic and predictable.”

“Why, what’s yours?”

“Ankylosaurus.” When Kevin stays quiet, Aaron elaborates: “It’s the armoured one with a club on its tail.”

“I wanted to be an archaeologist when I was little.”

“Makes sense.”

“What did you want to be?”

“A lot of silly things.”

“Like what?”

“When I was really young, a zookeeper. Then a vet. Astronaut lasted quite a while. Marine biologist was only for a few years, before high school.”

“What did you end up studying?”

Aaron looks across, surprised. He didn’t realise Kevin doesn’t know what he’s studying. He probably should have. It’s not like Kevin ever asked, or like he’s shown any interest in Aaron before. It just feels like such a big presence in Aaron’s life, it’s strange for others not to know.

“I’m pre-med. Majoring in bio sciences.”

“Makes sense,” Kevin says after a moment, and graces Aaron with one of his rare smiles. Aaron blames the sleep deprivation for the way he instantly smiles back.

[buckysgrace]

Thirty Six

The next morning Billy acted as if nothing had happened. Of course, Kim still expected for them to act distantly in front of their parents, but he had taken to ignoring her completely. She had tried multiple times to brush up against him or try and whisper something towards him but each time she was met with a cold shoulder. She was beginning to worry, thinking that she had done something wrong last night. Everything had seemed fine to her before he went to bed, she didn’t understand how his emotions could sway so easily.

“Have you packed your bag yet?” Max bounced on the edge of her bed. It was hot out. Way too hot to be outside and doing anything without melting away. Neil was gone so she dressed in her smallest shorts and tank top and was still sweating. Kim glanced at the younger girl; glad she was at least excited. Kim just kept thinking about the dreaded bug bites she’d get. She sat up and shook her head.

“Partially but not really. I’m waiting for my clothes to finish drying and then I will get it finished.” She told the younger girl, scooting in a different position on her bed, her head slightly leaning off so the cold air from the vent could hit her skin. Max joined her, kicking her feet up in the air.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Max questioned and Kim turned to face her, looking at her curiously.

“Neil?” Kim questioned, watching as her little sister nodded in agreement, “I don’t trust him, but I don’t think mom is going to listen to us yet.” She admitted. Their mother was too stubborn, too afraid to be on her own again.

“I don’t either. I can’t believe he hit her,” Max’s head rested against her shoulder, “Why would she want to stay with someone like him?” Kim felt the younger girl inhale softly, her head brushing against hers with the motion. Kim searched for the answer. It was obvious her mother didn’t love Neil, at least she thought it was. 

“He’s stable, he has a lot of money,” Kim admitted softly. She didn’t think her mom was a gold digger but if she was looking for someone to take care of her daughter’s Neil would be the perfect candidate. She wondered if her mom knew how abusive he was before she married him. She hoped she didn’t, “Hopefully he’ll mean it, that he won’t hit her again.” Kim tried to sound hopeful. Max spun the ring around her middle finger.

“You mean he won’t hit her in front of us. He’s not going to stop. Look at what he still does to Billy. We need to think of a way to get mom to leave him.” Max encouraged, glancing up at her sister with vulnerable blue eyes. Kim thought for a moment, unsure of what to say and even more unsure of how to get Neil out of their lives. It was like he was slowly becoming the boogeyman to her. She was too afraid to even think about him. She no longer wanted to be alone with him after how badly he had made her skin crawl the other day when he’d forced her to hug him. 

“I know,” She told her sister softly, “We’ll figure something out.” Kim promised her. Max was still watching her when she spoke up slowly.

“What if we told dad?” Kim blinked at her, furrowing her eyebrows as she thought about it. Her father still hadn’t answered any of her returning calls since he’d asked her for money. As far as she knew he hadn’t spoken or written to Max either. Their mom wasn’t happy that they had any sort of contact with him so Kim couldn’t comprehend how her mom would react if he showed up. She thought of what Neil would do as well. They both tried to pretend that the two girls didn’t have a father.

“Max,” Kim looked at her little sister, feeling guilt forming inside of her, “I don’t think he could afford to come out here if that’s what you’re suggesting. I think he’s broke.” Kim didn’t think that, she knew it. There was no way he could make it out here. He wouldn’t have anywhere to stay and Kim was sure that Neil and Susan would take whatever they had left and uproot them. 

Max’s eyes were softening, looking displeased with her sister’s answer but she wasn’t mad. She looked more disappointed than anything. Kim understood, thinking of how she had felt when her father had only called for money. She rested her arm around her little sister, pulling her towards her softly. Even though the room was still hot and both girls were sweaty she held her there for a moment, hoping she knew everything would be okay.

“Am I interrupting something?” Billy’s gruff voice pulled Kim away. She glanced over her shoulder quickly, her heart beginning to beat faster at the sound of his voice filling her bedroom. Her mind was racing as she stared at the tight shorts he wore and nothing else. She could see the gleam of sweat down the front of his chest as the sunlight radiated off of him. She bit her lip, doing her best not to stare but failing.

“Yes, actually,” Max looked at him a bit playfully, “We were just talking about how once a month blood seeps out of our-”

“Okay, okay,” Billy cut the younger girl off quickly, a look of disgust crossing his face. Kim wondered if it was because he clearly didn’t care about any blood the other day, “I get it. I was just going to say that dad called and Susan and him are going out tonight. They’ll be back later.” Kim felt Max stiffen next to her and she felt a similar way.

“We could order pizza and some movies,” Kim suggested softly, watching how Billy’s eyes flickered towards her and looked away from her quickly. It was driving her insane, not knowing why he was acting so distant, “Does that sound fun?” Kim turned to look at the younger girl. Max nodded, smiling. 

“Can you take us up to rent a movie?” Max asked Billy, sounding hopeful as she turned to look at him. He hesitated for a minute before nodding.

“Just hurry,” He grumbled, rubbing his hand across his bicep. Kim thought she might start crooning from how good he looked at the moment, “It’s hot. I don’t want to be out long.” He muttered, turning away and leaving. Kim sat up on her bed after Max.

“Will you be okay if I pick out a scary movie?” Kim pretended to think about it. No matter how badly she hated them, she had a hard time denying her little sister anything. She nodded playfully after a second.

“I suppose,” Kim rustled her red hair softly, sending the bright locks in different directions, “If you’re okay if I pick out a romance movie.” She smirked at the discomfort that crossed the younger girl's face. Kim thought her reaction was funny but knew that she was more likely to pick out one of the Indiana Jones movies than anything. It had been a while since she had watched them.

“It’s a deal,” Max crossed their pinkies together and squeezed. Kim smiled brightly, nodding in agreement. She followed her younger sister out of the room, heading towards the shoe rack, “I’m so excited.” Max exclaimed happily. Kim was too but she was dreading heading out into the hot sun. 

“Just don’t be too long,” Billy appeared again, wearing a white shirt that read Everlast over it. She stared for a minute, noticing how it rested high against his midriff. She felt a sensation traveling in between her legs as she glanced at his toned lower abdomen. She gulped hard, looking away. If she wasn’t hot and sweaty before, she definitely was now, “Let’s go then.” He gave Max a look and she scoffed, opening the door wide and inviting in the muggy air. 

Kim slipped on her sandals next to Billy, noticing the way his blue eyes widened as she bent down to lace them, “You’re wearing that?” Her face reddened when she looked up to face the blonde boy. His cheeks were flushed, like he hadn’t expected himself to say that. She peered up at him curiously.

“It’s hot,” She defended herself. Her tank top pulled up towards her belly button, her shorts lingering high up on her thighs, “We won’t be gone long.” She felt almost sheepish at the look he sent her, like he wanted to take a bite out of her.

“Yeah,” He breathed out harshly, his eyes lingering against her pale skin, “Let’s go.” He looked at her seriously after a second before he was brushing past her. She was growing frustrated, unsure of how he expected her to go back to normal when he had been so tender with her last night. She wanted him so badly and it was like he didn’t care.

The air was hot, and the sun felt even worse as she walked down the hill towards his parked car. The grass crunched underneath her sandals, and she was already beginning to sweat despite only being outside for a few seconds. She wondered if it would feel this terrible if she was walking around naked. She opened the door, careful as she sat down on the hot leather seats. She didn’t want it to burn against her skin. She sighed in relief at the cold AC blowing against her face.

She turned suddenly, noticing Billy was still staring at her. She was already too warm to blush, so she didn’t have to worry about turning into a tomato at the moment. He looked away just as quickly, beginning to back his car down the driveway.

“Can I get two movies?” Max tried to ask as sweetly as she could. Kim turned towards Billy, feeling sheepish as she remembered she left her purse inside the house.

“I’ll pay you back.” She muttered as she played with her red hair. Billy turned towards her curiously but shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s fine, and no, you can both get one movie.” It was almost funny at how mature he sounded at the moment. Kim cracked a grin as she rested against her warm seat. The sun didn’t seem so harsh in the car as it was outside. Max grumbled but seemed to accept his answer.

“Are you going to get one?” Kim asked Billy, trying to make any kind of conversation with him. It was hard, he didn’t seem interested in anything at the moment as he only shrugged his shoulders. She was sure that she had said or done something wrong, but she wasn’t sure what. 

“Probably one with boobs in it,” Max grumbled in the backseat as she kicked his chair, “He always gets those types of movies.” Kim grinned at her younger sister, knowing she didn’t realize that those weren’t even the worst of his movies in his collection. Billy scoffed, rolling his eyes dramatically as he pulled into the Family Video. It wasn’t too far away from their house.

“Just don’t take long, I could be doing other things,” He reminded both of them as he got out of his car. Kim eyed him curiously, hoping that didn’t mean that he already had another date. She was beginning to regret her words from the other day, “Come on.” He ushered the two of them inside.

Kim was glad as she stepped into the cool store, soaking in the feeling of the AC as she walked towards the familiar section of movies. She always lingered towards the same area. She was beginning to regret her outfit choice with the look one of the mother’s gave her inside the store, but she ignored it. Billy was showing more skin than Kim was, and she didn’t see anyone giving him a dirty look.

She glanced through the selection of movies, searching for the section beginning in I when Billy snuck up behind her. She hummed softly, ignoring him for a second as she looked for the movie she was wanting. She felt her eyes widening when he placed his large hands across her waist and rested his chin against her shoulder.

“Haven’t you seen this movie a hundred different times?” Billy questioned, pulling her closer towards his chest. She was breathing slowly, her heart beating hard in her chest as he held onto her. They were in public; this was anything but being subtle. Anyone could walk by and see them.

“It’s a good movie,” She defended. It was good, it just happened to have Harrison Ford in it as well. She glanced at him nervously, her cheek pressing against his as she did so, “This isn't a good idea.” She mumbled softly. He smirked, rubbing her soft sides with his rough hands.

“Why? I’m just helping you pick out a movie,” He responded innocently, looking back at the selection of movies innocently. She glanced out of the corner of her eye, confirming that no one else was there. She could hear the voices of a group of people browsing the movies a few aisles behind them, “Is there anything wrong with that?” She could feel the fire burning as he trailed his hands up slowly, touching her skin oh so softly until he was squeezing her boobs in his rough hands. She bit back a squeal, looking at him alarmed and trying to wiggle away. He held her still, a small smirk on his features.

“Billy,” She responded quickly. Her heart was pumping so fast that she was sure he would be able to feel it against his hand, “You can’t do that.” She found her voice cracking a bit as he massaged her soft flesh in his hands. He pressed up behind her, kissing the crook of her neck softly. 

“Why not?” He licked the side of her neck, teasing her softly as he kneaded her breasts softly in his large hands. She bit back a moan as he nipped at her neck, “You look so good today. I can’t help myself.” She could feel exactly what she had done to him. Her face was burning as she fought the urge to grind back against him. They were still in public, in the middle of a store of all places. 

“It’s hot,” She whined out softly as he tickled the side of her neck with his mustache. HIs lips were still brushing against her skin as he held her against him, “Someone will see.” Her heart was thumping hard in her chest in worry. They couldn’t have anyone else catching them. He seemed to notice her worry as he slowly moved his hands away from her. She hated having to tell him no, she wanted nothing else than to be wrapped up in his muscular arms. No matter how badly she wanted it, it was still wrong. They couldn’t erase that between them. 

“You just drive me crazy,” He mumbled, pressing a soft kiss against her soft cheek, “You’re all mine later.” He smirked as he pulled away from her slowly. She felt the warmth fading with him and she could feel excitement building inside of her. She was glad he wasn’t ignoring her anymore. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her.

“You drive me crazy too,” She admitted sheepishly. She began to reach to tuck her hair behind her ear, but he beat her to it. She stared, watching his blue eyes as his fingers lingered around the curve of her ear. He pinched her earlobe gently, smiling softly as he pulled his hand away from her skin, “I found it.” She reached for her movie quickly, tapping it against her fingertips as he watched her in interest. 

“Let’s go find Max then,” He nudged her shoulder gently shifting her forward as she smiled bashfully, “You know, Harrison Ford is old. Really old.” He added, a small smile hinting on his face. She scoffed softly, feeling a bit defensive.

“He’s not that old. You like older women too, what’s the difference?” She questioned him, watching the amused smirk that crossed his face. He didn’t say anything, his shoulder bumping into hers as they looked for Max. She was, as usual, digging through the collection of horror movies.

“Nightmare on Elm Street or The Evil Dead?” Max looked up at Billy, ignoring how Kim’s face cringed up. He thought for a minute, looking at the other movies that were on the stand. Kim shifted next to them.

“Not The Evil Dead,” Kim looked at both of them desperately, “I had such a bad nightmare afterwards. It’s scary and gross.” She admitted. Max rolled her eyes, her fingertips still lingering on the movie as she thought about it. 

“Nightmare on Elm Street is better anyways,” Billy admitted, crossing his arms as he spoke to the younger girl. Kim watched how his shirt rose even higher. She wondered why she didn’t grab a hold of him when she had the chance, “

“What about Bloodtide?” Max questioned as she looked at the back of the case. She glanced up, looking at her older sister with a smirk, “Never mind. You’d be scared of this because you would be the one to die.” Kim felt her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Why?” She questioned, watching as Billy covered his mouth with his chin. He was pretending to scratch at his skin, but she could see the smile that he was hiding underneath as he looked further down the aisle, “What’s it about?”

“An adventurer hunting in Greece accidentally frees a monster that forces local villagers to sacrifice virgins,” Max mocked, changing her voice dramatically as she looked at her older sister playfully, “You’d definitely die.” Kim’s face heated up.

“That’s not, oh my god,” She sighed softly, not wanting to talk about her sex life with her younger sister, “You’re insufferable.” Kim told her sister, moving away from her. Max was laughing so hard that she started to snort. 

“Is she not, you know what, I don’t want to know,” Billy shook his head, examining the selection of movies at the other end of the aisle as Kim joined him, “Just get Nightmare on Elm Street.” He told the youngest girl. Kim tried to stay neutral in her expression as she thought about how Max had talked about how scary it was months after it had come out. One night in November, after it had been released, Max had stood at the foot of Kim’s bed at midnight and sang the creepy song to her until she woke up.

“If Kim goes towards the checkout Keith may give her the movies for free. He’s always looking for a way to pick up girls.” Max nudged her older sister’s shoulder. Kim glared at her, not liking the sound of her little sister’s plan.

“You know him?” Billy questioned, looking at Max with an odd expression. She shrugged her shoulders, glancing at the two older teens.

“He’s the dweeb that used to work at the arcade.” Max replied casually, smiling softly in Kim’s direction. Kim stared at her confused, having no idea who she was referencing. She couldn’t remember going to the arcade here. That job had been handed off to Billy when they moved here.

“I don’t want to do that,” Kim looked towards Billy, trying to confirm with him that she didn’t have to, “I’m not like that.” She felt like defending herself, but she wasn’t sure why. Max scoffed softly but didn’t look annoyed.

“I would if my boobs were bigger.” Kim raised her eyes in surprise from her sister’s words. Billy snapped his head towards her fast, shaking it quickly.

“No, no you won’t. If anyone even thinks about looking at you like that I’ll break their arm,” Max laughed at Billy’s threat but both him and Kim knew that it was more of a promise. Kim shrugged, knowing how she liked to tease as she began to walk out to the checkout counter with them, “I’m being serious.” He sounded serious too, but all Max could do was giggle again.

“These,” Billy took the movie from Kim’s hand and pushed them onto the counter mindlessly. Max’s comment must’ve bothered him because he stood in front of the two girls, looking irritated as the other boy rang up the movies. Kim figured it must’ve been the Keith that Max had been referencing, “And these.” Billy scooted a bag of M&Ms towards him. Keith sighed dramatically as he began to add the total back up. Kim watched Billy in amusement.

“Can we wait in the car?” Max asked, already tugging his keys from his back pocket. Billy looked over his shoulder, glancing at her.

“Just don’t be driving it.” He grumbled out as he fished out his wallet. Kim looked at Max confused, unsure of why he would tell the younger girl not to be driving it. She followed her little sister out of the door, hating how the sun hit them as they stepped into the muggy air.

“How are we going to survive in the wilderness in this heat?” Kim whined after Max started the car. She ruffled her hair, soaking in the cold AC against her scalp. She was dreading the vacation that Neil had planned for them. She had already read the pamphlet four different times.

“You’re such a princess,” Max teased as she leaned forward from the backseat, “Oh my god, what will you do once you can’t put makeup on?” She shoved her older sister’s shoulder softly. Kim sighed.

“I don’t wear makeup all the time, you know. I just don’t want to die burning and drowning in sweat.” Kim told her, glancing at her in the rearview mirror. It used to bother her when Max would make those comments but since she had grown, she no longer minded them. Susan used to constantly pick on Max for her boyish activities, as Susan liked to call them, so Kim had decided that Max was allowed to pick on her for that. It was more of their mom's fault for starting it.

“There’s lakes and stuff, I think mom said our cabin might have a pool,” Max replied, sounding more excited than ever, “She thinks it will be a good trip.” Kim licked across her bottom lip, tasting her cherry ChapStick.

“I hope so. As long as I don’t burn.” Kim mumbled. Sunscreen had been the first thing she looked for. She needed to apply layers and layers, or she’d be forming blisters and peeling until school started again. Billy walked out from the store and Kim felt her heart drop to her stomach, watching the way he moved. She felt as if she stopped breathing while she watched him, admiring the curve of his body.

“Here,” He tossed her the movies and bag of M&Ms as he slid inside the car. He winced, moving his back away from the hot seat as he adjusted himself. She was still staring, wondering how he managed to look so pretty and golden all the time, “What?” He slid his sunglasses on, looking at her confused. She turned away, blushing softly.

“Nothing, can I have some of these?” She changed the subject quickly as she motioned towards the bag in her hands. Her mouth was beginning to water at the thought of tasting them on her tongue. She moved the way the candy would melt in her mouth. She’d always wait until the shell was soft enough to pull apart with her tongue while she savored the chocolate taste in her mouth. He started to drive them home, glancing at her.

“You don’t want to save those for the movie?” He asked, beginning to light up a cigarette while he drove with one hand. She wondered if she’d be able to do that soon enough too. She smiled bashfully.

“I could, but you see it’s just so hot out,” She started to explain, looking for the spot where she could tear the tab off and open the candy, “And I don’t think we want to eat a bunch of melted chocolate. Right, Max?” She looked back to her younger sister for support. Max was watching her with one eyebrow raised.

“Don’t drag me into this,” Max crossed her arms as she watched them in the backseat, “I’m not the one with the sweet tooth.” Kim stumbled for a moment, looking back at Billy and trying not to pout.

“You can open them,” He spoke after taking a long drag, “I don’t want any right now anyways.” He smiled softly at her as he drove. She was gleeful as she finally tore it open and put a small handful in her mouth. She offered Max some, but the younger girl shook her head no. Kim shrugged, thinking it was their own loss for not eating any.

“Billy,” Max leaned forward again as he pulled into his parking spot, “Are you packed for the trip?” Max asked as he began to shut his car off. He looked back at her confused.

“Yeah, I have been. Why?” He looked at her confused as he grabbed his things and got out of the car. Max shot Kim a look as she ignored, stepping out and holding onto the movies and candy. Max bounced out on Billy’s side.

“Kim hasn’t yet. She’s procrastinating.” Max bounded up the steps. Billy looked back at Kim with a soft smile.

“Not really surprised,” He told her as they walked up the steps together, “As smart as you are, you’re really disorganized.” He opened the backdoor for her, and Kim looked at him curiously, wondering how much he knew about her that she didn’t know.

“I’m not that messy,” She defended herself, although she knew that it was partially true, “I just like to wait to get the important things done. She rubbed her arm as they walked inside the cooler house. She set the movies down on the coffee table in the living room as she took another handful of candy. Billy followed her, lingering near the couch for a moment.

“Then you get stressed out and cry,” He chuckled, “It’s okay though. You still get the important things done. I’ll order us a pizza.” She shrugged but she found herself tilting her head in curiosity. He always seemed to amaze her. She hesitated as he walked away to grab the phone.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Max walked past Kim, pulling her out of her trance. Kim nodded, reaching for some more candy to soothe her sweet tooth, “We can have a pajama party.” Max replied happily as she grabbed her pajamas from her room. Kim smiled softly, thinking her little sister was acting cute. Even as terrible as everything was going, she was glad she still had the chance to act like a kid. 

“I’ll get the popcorn ready.” Kim told her sister kindly as Max headed towards the bathroom. Billy looked over curiously from the phone as Max sent her a thumbs up and shut the door. Max’s showers were never nearly as long, and Kim suspected that it was partially to do with the fact that her younger sister wasn’t that crazy about water. Billy put the phone up, looking at her curiously as the water turned on. Kim smiled softly, unsure of why as she walked past him. 

“Billy, what are you-?” He pulled her towards him, cutting her off with his lips as he moved against her frantically. She was stunned at first, her nerves building in her stomach as he pressed her against the wall and kissed her harshly. She was stunned, trying to pull herself away from his rough kisses, “Can’t. Max is here.” She whined, trying to speak between his kisses. He flicked his tongue against her open mouth, sliding it across her teeth as he spoke. Max was in the shower; she could come out any time and see her brother kissing her sister against a wall. There would be no explanation. 

“It’ll be quick,” He groaned as he pressed his thigh against her core, rocking into her. She felt the jolts of electricity traveling up her body, “Please. Need you so badly.” She whined at his touch. The way he squeezed her hips and traveled to her breasts left her mind foggy. She nodded, watching as he placed his large hands on her shoulders. 

He pressed on her shoulders until she was on her knees. She stared up at him, watching the cocky smirk that grew on his lips as he freed himself from his tight shorts. She stared, still fascinated by how his cock looked. He pulled her lips apart with his fingers, spreading her mouth apart as he pushed the head of his cock between her lips. She was surprised at how fast he was moving with her. She thought that he usually took his time but there seemed to be a sense of urgency in his movements. She relaxed her jaw, sliding his throbbing cock into her mouth as she traced her tongue around his salty skin.

“Come on,” He urged, tugging her hair back behind her head as he rocked his hips forward. She clenched her eyes shut tightly, gagging as the head of his cock hit the back of her throat. She willed herself to relax as she hollowed her cheeks and bobbed her head. He was tugging on her hair, forcing her to go down further. She gripped his thighs, feeling her eyes burn at the sensation of him touching the back of her throat, “I know you can do it, baby. Please, please.” His words rattled her, traveling straight down to her core. He sounded desperate as he pleaded with her.

She fought every urge she had to keep from puking as he hit the back of her throat with each thrust. Her tongue trailed along the veins on his cock, swiping across his skin as she gripped his thighs hard. She tried to keep her nails from digging into his skin, but she almost felt like she had to with the way he was yanking her by her hair and pushing his cock into her mouth.

She was gagging each time, drool was pooling from her lips as she tried to keep up with his rough movements. It was hard, she was still learning, and it was difficult to try and hold your mouth open far enough that her teeth wouldn’t scrape against him. Not to mention trying to focus on breathing at the same time. Her jaw was beginning to hurt, the ache mirroring in the back of her throat as he pushed his hips roughly into her. He was a grunting mess above her, louder than usual. She liked the sounds he was making, like it was music to her ears as it traveled down her body and rested against her throbbing clit. She hoped he would stop soon, she wanted to feel him stretching her walls out inside of her.

“Fuck,” He cursed, pulling her head down further. Her hands snapped up against his hips and she closed her eyes tightly as he pushed her all the way onto his cock. Her lips burned, throat ached and she could feel tears brimming in her eyes from the lack of oxygen. His balls pressed against her bottom lip as he released down her throat. She was sputtering, pulling away from him quickly as she tried to catch her breath. Cum and spit leaked from her open lips as she panted, trying to fill her lungs again. He crouched down in front of her wiping the corners of her mouth gently, “Did so good, baby. So proud of you. You took my cock so well.” Her heart was swelling from his words and she didn’t have much more to say before he was pulling her up and pressed her back against the hard wall. A protest left her mouth when he dipped his hands into her shorts, pushing her panties aside as he rubbed her wet cunt.

“Oh,” She whined out as he wasted no time in sliding two of his fingers into her wet heat and curling them against her fluttering walls. She gasped as he trapped her against the wall, moving his hands roughly, “S’lot.” She breathed in total awe as he moved his fingers inside of her rapidly. He groaned, sliding his warm lips against the side of her face as her head fell back against the wall. Her muscles were clenching in pleasure as she rocked herself against him.

“S’okay,” He was fingering her harder, curling them against her walls as he peppered kisses along her neck, “Just like that, baby. Fuck yourself on my fingers.” She was trying so hard not to be loud but he made her feel so good. Her hands clenched around his biceps as he rocked his fingers into her. His thumb was brushing against her clit hard each time he moved. She could feel her wetness dripping onto her panties and soaking through her shorts. He slid another finger inside of her, stretching her wide. She felt herself clenching around his thick fingers, urging for more of him.

“Billy,” She whined, resting her back against the wall as her hips moved to meet his fingers. She could feel his rings pressing up against her entrance repeatedly as he slid in and out of her. “Oh god.” She felt her toes curling against the floor as he gripped her hips harshly with his free hand. He was moving so fast and hard; she didn’t have time to process his movements as her hips moved without rhythm. 

“So fucking pretty,” His teeth slid along her cheek as he held her in place, fucking his fingers into her even harder. She was gaping, her mouth falling open as he curled his three fingers up against her bundle of nerves. She was squealing, feeling herself clench down around his fingers as she came with a cry, “That’s it baby.” He was peppering kisses against the side of her face as she rode her orgasm out. She turned her face to look at him, leaning in to press her lips against his when he pulled away. He dipped his fingers out of her entrance, withdrawing them to his mouth as he licked her clean. He watched her intensely for a moment, his blue eyes raking her features before he turned around and left. She didn’t fully process it until he slammed his bedroom door shut behind him.

She stared, her legs still shaking as he left her there against the wall. He hadn’t said one thing, just came to get what he needed before he was leaving her alone again. He hadn’t always stayed to lay with her, but he always cleaned her up and asked if she was okay. Except for now. She wondered if she had pushed him too far last night, but she hadn’t noticed him acting uncomfortable then. She didn’t understand. She tried to catch her breath as a similar loneliness sank into her chest. 

She heard the door to the bathroom beginning to rattle and she moved quickly, heading back to the kitchen. Her legs were still quivering as she washed her hands quickly.

“You didn’t get it started yet?” Max stepped out, wearing her pajamas. Kim pushed the popcorn in the microwave, hiding her red face from her sister.

“I wanted to make sure it was hot when you came out.” Kim lied, fumbling with the timer on the microwave, “The pizza should be here soon.” She muttered, trying to keep her cool as the younger girl approached her.

“Okay,” Max leaned up against the kitchen counter, “Do you want to change, and I’ll wait?” She opened up the fridge and began to pull out cans of soda. Kim nodded stiffly, trying to relax her mind from what Billy and she had just done.

“Sure, I’ll be back in a minute.” Kim told her, almost racing towards her room. She was glad to change, to be able to clean herself up. She grabbed her nightgown quickly and reached for a different pair of panties. She lingered at her doorway, hearing the loud music that was coming from Billy’s room. She wondered what he was doing, what he was thinking. She wanted to know why he would just leave her like that and not say anything to her at all. She felt a lump forming in the back of her throat, but she quickly shook it aside. No, she wasn’t like his other girls. They didn’t mean anything to each other, so it was fine for him to get what he wanted and leave. It was hard to convince herself that she found out soon enough as the lump seemed to grow twice as heavy.

She brought her nightgown into the bathroom, undressing herself as she worked on getting herself clean and not so sticky. She thought about taking a shower but decided against it as got a towel damp. She glanced at herself in the mirror, noting how much of a mess she looked. Her hair was rowdy, cheeks flushed and hot and her skin along her neck was splotchy from where his lips had been. She touched her skin softly, trying to remember the sensation.

She withdrew her thoughts for a moment as she continued on her task of cleaning herself between her thighs. No matter how hard she tried, her thoughts kept lingering back to Billy. She wondered why he was being so cold, so distant towards her. She liked how they had been last night.

She quickly changed, letting her nightgown rest against her upper thighs before she pulled on a clean pair of panties. She left the bathroom, taking the towel with her so she could wash it later. She crossed the tiled floor, soaking in the feeling of the cold tiles against her feet. Max had two bowls of popcorn set up on the coffee table and was currently sitting in front of the TV, setting up one of the movies.

“Which did you pick first?” Kim asked after disposing of the towel and washing her hands. Billy still hadn’t turned, and she was unsure if he would be joining them at all. She sat down on the couch, crossing her legs and pulling her nightgown down low enough that she didn’t expose herself. Max glanced back at her.

“Yours.” She said simply, working on trying to skip through the commercial. Kim thought it was typical that she would pick the lighthearted movie to watch first and save the two scary ones for later. She didn’t protest, not wanting to disturb the mood. Kim kept glancing over her shoulder, looking over at Billy’s room. The door was still tightly shut, and she could hear his music traveling into the room. She had been hoping that he would join them. She didn’t even have to touch him, she just wanted to be near him.

“Did the pizza come?” Kim asked suddenly. The younger girl nodded as the beginning title began to roll. She paused it, standing up quickly to shut the lights off in the living room.

“Do you want to get Billy?” Max asked as she crossed the room, grabbing three plates and carrying the pizza box back over to the couch. Kim wanted to do anything but go into Billy’s room and ask him to join them. He was acting weird and was sending her mixed signals. She rose from the couch, anyway, not wanting to get on Max’s bad side. 

“Sure,” Kim walked around the couch slowly, “Just don’t start it without me.” Kim playfully pointed at her sister. Max rolled her eyes but was smiling as she settled into one of the chairs. Kim hesitated at his door for a second, capturing the loud sound of his music and the smell of thick smoke coming from his room. Her heart began to beat hard as she grew anxious, thinking that maybe he was going on another date. She knocked softly before pushing the door open. 

He was laying on his back in his bed, his ankles crossed as he smoked down a blunt. She watched him for a few seconds, noticing how he had removed his shirt. She blinked slowly, looking at the blue scrunchie that held his hair up over his head. She grinned softly, joy filling the inside of her chest as she took a step into his room and closed the door behind her. 

“What?” He grunted out, sounding almost angry as he glanced towards her. She didn’t let his irritated tone dampen her mood as she crossed the room on the tips of her feet and bounced onto his bed. He looked up at her surprised, nearly dropping his blunt from his lips as she straddled his lap and rested on top of him. Her gown pulled up high over her thighs, exposing her flowery panties to him. She didn’t care. 

“I was called to summon you,” She rested her hands on his bare chest, looking at how golden he looked compared to her, “Max has everything set up.” He blew out a large cloud of smoke, the hint of marijuana tickling her nose. He removed his blunt with one hand, holding onto her hand with the other one. She giggled when he tickled her side softly. 

“I thought I was just buying that for you two.” He responded dryly, looking uninterested. She stared up at him, sure that he was just putting on an act. She leaned down a bit, kissing the tip of his nose. He looked surprised at first but then wrinkled his nose up, making her smile at his movements.

“Please. If you don’t come with me, she’ll drag you out of here.” Kim rubbed his chest softly, feeling the small tufts of hair that was growing there. She knew that Max would literally drag him out of this room. He groaned, seeming to think the same thing.

“Can you give me like five minutes?” She stared at his pink lips as he spoke. She was dying to kiss him but didn’t want to try again after he had ignored her attempt at a kiss earlier. She shook her head no.

“She’s ready now, you better hurry.” Kim crawled off of his lap slowly, shimming her gown back down on her thighs. He watched her, his eyes flicking up towards her in interest suddenly.

“Do you think Max wants to spend the night with her friend? We could have fun instead.” He suggested with a smirk, taking another long drag from his blunt. She looked at his blue eyes, noticing how he didn’t look high at the moment. 

“No,” Kim smiled softly as she inched her way towards the door, “That would be really mean. She wants to spend time with you. Please.” She added as sweet as she could. He sat up at the edge of his bed, nodding as he carefully put his blunt out. He sighed, pushing all of the excess smoke from his lungs.

“I’m coming,” He pushed off the bed and she stared at how his muscles moved when he did so. He was so muscular, so buff that it made her knees feel weak. He smirked as if he knew what she was thinking, “Reconsidering?” He teased as he cupped her butt in his large hand. She gaped, giving him a look before she opened the door and left. He followed behind her shortly and she could feel his eyes following her every movement. 

“You wish.” She teased, heading back towards the couch. She grabbed one of the blankets for good measure, not wanting to get too cold once the sun went down. She smiled at Max who was tapping her foot impatiently on the floor as she waited for the two of them.

“About time,” Max grumbled out in similar Billy fashion, “I hope your pizza is cold.” She stuck her tongue out towards Billy as he walked by. He laughed, ignoring to grab a plate and grabbing a large, cheesy slice from the box as he folded it up to eat it.

“Tastes hot to me,” He shrugged as he sat down on the opposite side of Kim. She resisted the urge to reach out towards him, wanting to feel him even closer to her. She was pretty sure that he had no clue what he was doing to her, “I feel like we’ve already watched this.” He teased as he looked towards Kim. She shrugged bashfully, making her own plate as she curled up against the corner of the couch. 

He didn’t say or do much after that. He was quiet through the whole movie, not even adding in any of the comments when Max and Kim would debate about different parts of the movie. It made Kim sad, even more so worried as she didn’t understand where she had gone wrong. She didn’t want him to be mad at her. She kept thinking about where she had gone wrong last night, even the days previous but she couldn’t find anything. She hoped that it had been from the weed that he had smoked but she doubted it. He was like this a few days ago as well. Always hot one second and cold the next. 

“This is Kim’s favorite part,” Her little sister teased as Harrison Ford appeared shirtless. Kim felt her cheeks warm as she gave her little sister an irritated look, “She always drools at this part.” Max responded smugly. Kim scoffed, tucking her hair behind her ear as Billy looked at her with a lazy grin.

“I do not drool,” She stammered out, trying to control her cool, “He just happens to be shirtless, so what.” She wiggled on the couch cushion, holding one of her knees up to her chest. She glanced at Billy, noticing the amused look on his face. 

“What’s that?” He said with concern, leaning forward as he inspected her. She felt her eyes widen as he watched her, nerves filling in her stomach at how concerned he appeared.

“What?” She breathed out quickly, fearing that a bug might be crawling on her face with the way that he inspected her. His eyebrows were furrowed with worry as he scooted closer, rubbing the corner of her lip with his thumb.

“Ah, just a bit of drool,” He pulled away with a smirk, leaning back against the couch as he sprawled out. Max cackled with laughter, hitting her hand on her knee while Kim’s face erupted into flames, “Don’t worry, you’re all cleaned up now.” He sent her a wink, but she was still scrambling to defend herself as embarrassment tickled at her skin.

“You two are the worst,” She finally spit out, hugging both of her knees to her chest as she scooted far into the corner of the couch, “And you’re not funny.” She added hotly, ignoring the way it only made the other two laugh harder. She thought about pointing out how similar the two of them were but decided to keep quiet as she kept watching the rest of her movie. She could feel Billy’s eyes lingering on her form as his eyes raked her over body, lingering on the exposed skin of her thighs. She ignored him this time, deciding she would pay attention to her movie if they would be giving her this much grief. 

Max was already drifting off after she set her movie up. It had only been on for about fifteen minutes when Kim noticed her head drifting forward, resting against the couch cushion as she curled up like a little baby. Kim had wrapped herself in the blanket a long time ago as she hugged herself, wondering if she could get away with turning the movie off.

“Scoot over, I’m cold,” Billy finally acknowledged her, nudging her thighs softly. She moved without thought, scooting towards the edge of the couch as he nestled in behind her. She could feel her body reacting instantly, soaking in his toned body and the feeling of his skin on hers. Her heart was thumping hard as she stared at the TV screen as he slid his muscular arm over her waist and pulled her against him, “Are you scared?” She faltered for a minute. She had been a while ago, when the movie first started. Now, she was more than comfortable wrapped up in his arms and thinking about anything but the movie that was on.

“A bit,” She said instead, not wanting him to move his arm away from her. She wanted to lay within his arms for as long as she could manage, “He’s scary looking.” She admitted, feeling his warm breath tickling the side of her face. He pushed her hair out of her face, curling it around his fingers as she realized he was watching her. 

“I’ll take care of you,” His lips brushed against her skin softly, tickling down the side of her neck as he spoke. She felt that feeling growing in her stomach again as she looked at Max, worried she might wake up to find them, “Just relax.” He replied and she realized how badly she had stiffened up against him.

Billy was fumbling under the blanket, scooting her closer to him. She shot him a look, glancing towards the younger redhead who was sleeping with her knees up towards her chest. He smirked, lifting her nightgown above her thighs.

“Billy,” She whispered quietly. He looked at her with forced innocence, his fingertips trailing against her bare skin, “Stop, she’s in the room.” He squeezed her thigh softly, his fingertips warming her pale skin. 

“She’s asleep,” Billy whispered against her ear, sending chills down her spine, “She won’t even know.” He promised as he cupped her sides, squeezing his large hands against her soft flesh. She exhaled softly, feeling goosebumps forming on her skin.

“She could wake up,” She bit back a moan as he squeezed her boobs, using his fingertips to pinch her nipples softly. She could feel the wetness growing in her panties, soaking her thighs again, “Billy.” Kim turned towards him worried. He leaned forward, licking the corner of her mouth.

“Just stay quiet, I know you can,” He reassured her, pinching her nipples softly. She could feel his bulge pressing against her backside as he lifted her onto his lap, adjusting himself higher up on the sofa. He adjusted, grinding her down on his clothed cock. She sighed softly, her back resting against his bare chest as he pushed her legs in between hers. He covered them with a blanket, like it would save them in this position, “Just let me have your pussy for a little bit. Please. I’m so fucking hard for you.” His breath was hot against her neck, his nose tickling against her soft skin. 

“B-,” She bit down on her lip hard, catching the moan in her mouth as he pushed his throbbing cock inside of her drenched hole. He rocked her forward, pressing her all the way down as he bottomed out inside of her. She gripped the couch cushions harshly, digging her nails into the pillows, “Please.” She whimpered softly.

“Feel how fucking wet your little cunt is on my cock? Why wouldn’t you want this?” He teased her, whispering quietly. Her walls were fluttering around his throbbing length as he pushed up into her deeper, the head of his cock hitting against her bundle of nerves, “You drive me so crazy.” He growled against her neck, biting on her skin softly.

She rolled her hips forward, gaping in awe as he began to thrust into her roughly. She was doing her best to keep quiet, urging herself to swallow her moans as he pounded into her. 

“Oh my god,” She whined out as quietly as she could, glancing towards the sleeping redhead in the rocker chair, “I can’t do it.” She whined as he dragged her hips back down onto him. His fingertips were digging into her skin, squeezing her flesh softly. 

“You can do it baby,” He rolled his hips up into her harshly, his cock dragging against her walls slowly as she squeezed around him, “You can cum oh my cock pretty girl. I know you can do it.” He dipped one of his hands between her thighs and began to rub at her vibrating clit. She squeaked out, trying to push her thighs together but he pushed her legs apart even further apart with his knees.

She was sweating, fighting back her moans as he hit the bundle of nerves inside her with each powerful thrust. He was playing with her clit, applying different amounts of pressure to her sensitive bud. She tossed her head back, closing her eyes as she focused on his cock dragging along inside her soaked walls and filling her to the brim.

“Billy,” She rolled her hips in awe, biting her lip hard to keep her moans settled in her chest. He held onto her hips tightly, kissing the back of her shoulder as he pushed his cock inside her harder. She was wiggling on top of him, trying to angle her hips in the best position as she clenched down around him, “Feels so, so good.” She panted out in awe as he brushed down on her clit harder. Her pussy was drenched around his cock, soaking down their thighs. His fingertips were digging into her skin harder, making her wonder if he would leave bruises in their wake.

It was hard to form any words, to think of anything other than his cock pulsing inside of her. She glanced towards the small redhead, making sure she was still asleep as she moved her hips rapidly in pleasure. Billy’s hands moved up her nightgown, exposing her to the cooling air as fingered and pinched at her hardening nipples. It sent jolts straight down to her core as she found herself desperately fucking herself onto him, meeting his movements halfway as he slammed into her. 

“So good for me,” He grumbled against her skin, his teeth grazing softly as he pushed into her harder. She let a soft whimper fall from her lips as his movements began to stall. He was still playing with her breasts, massaging her soft flesh and squeezing her nipples in his fingers. She was grinding in awe, feeling her toes beginning to curl as she reached her near, “Fuck, fuck.” He grumbled, snapping his hips up rapidly as she came undone around him. She was clenching around him tightly as he came inside of her, filling her with his sticky fluid. She gaped in awe, her moans coming out quietly as her legs shook around her. 

“You’re bad,” She giggled softly, catching her breath as she tried to calm her racing heart from dancing out of her skin. She glanced back at him, noticing the tightness in his lips as he slowly lifted her hips up and pulled himself out of her, “Oh.” She breathed out softly, already missing the feeling of him inside of her. 

He played with the mixture of them that was leaking from her wet hole, tracing his fingers around her folds and clit as he did so. She sighed out softly, liking the feeling as she felt herself relaxing against his sweaty back. He peppered kisses along her shoulder before placing her panties back over her. She wiggled softly, sliding off of his chest and between him and the couch. She was squished comfortably, looking up at him in complete bliss.

He was glancing around again, his breathing already calming down. He moved his hand away so he was no longer touching her. She felt herself growing frustrated. They had been so good yesterday, he had been so sweet towards her. It was like he was only wanting one thing from her now, completely torn away from the other bits that she wanted in their relationship. She didn’t like that, not one bit. He began to shift further towards the edge as she realized he was starting to get up.

She pulled him back before he could leave, “You’ve been ignoring me.” She told him, straight to the point. His eyes darted away from her face, looking behind her. She resisted the urge to turn and look, wondering if this was a way to distract her. She wouldn’t fall for it this time.

“I haven’t been ignoring you,” He mumbled a bit timidly as he looked back towards her, “I was just busy.” He brushed her accusations off and she felt her eyes narrowing.

“You were ignoring me the other day too, before the Fun Fair. What’s wrong?” She asked him, genuinely hoping that she hadn’t done anything to upset him. She would fix it if he would tell her. He scrunched up his nose, becoming stiff against her as his defensive walls were thrown up.

“Nothing.” He said simply, irritation seeping into his words. She sighed, wrapping her pale arm around his waist and hugging him tightly to her chest. He grumbled, muttering something under his breath but she continued to stay clutched to him. Her face was squished awkwardly against the side of his arm.

“M’not moving until you tell me.” Her words sounded jumbled from the position she was resting in and she was careful not to bite her cheek. He was grumbling underneath her, clearly becoming more irritated with each second. She was playing with fire, but kicked her leg over his thighs just for good measure in case he tried to wiggle free.

“You didn’t call,” He finally spoke up after a few awkward moments. He had tried to gently press her away a few times but then she was back to clutching him even tighter. She looked up softly, moving her face away from his arm as she felt her eyebrows furrowing together, “You said you’d call and you didn’t.” He averted his eyes, purposely looking away from her. She was sure he felt too vulnerable to actually look at her while he spoke.

“Oh, Billy,” She felt guilt swarming inside of her chest, squeezing tightly as she raised herself up on the couch to look at him, “I’m so sorry. I wanted to, I really did. My mom just freaked me out, y’know she was asking if we were together and stuff. I didn’t think it would be safe to call.” She tried to explain herself, not liking the way he continued to ignore her eyes. She rested her chin on the corner of his shoulder, urging him to at least spare her a glance. She really should have tried to sneak out of the room and call him, at least to check up on him.

“It’s fine.” He grumbled as he shrugged his shoulders, knocking against her chin softly. She sighed, leaning up to take his jawline in her soft hands gently. She pulled at his face, making him turn to face her. His blue eyes looked over her features first, straying against her lips and her cheeks before he finally met her hazel eyes. She squeezed his hard face softly.

“I’m really sorry, Billy. I was scared but I still should’ve checked on you. I really wanted to, I promise you. I was just thinking we’d get in more trouble if my mom overheard.” She explained softly again, caressing her thumb across his scratchy skin. He hadn’t shaved yet, she noted. 

“It’s okay,” He searched her eyes for a moment, like he was looking inside of her to confirm that she was telling the truth. She curled up against him again, noticing how he wasn’t as stiff as before, “Really, I’m a little bitch.” She pouted at him, wondering if those were Neil’s words pouring from his lips.

“You can still be upset if someone didn’t do what they said they would do. I should’ve explained it to you earlier,” He looked bashful, like she had exposed something. She let her thoughts get the best of her as he scrunched his face up again, wrinkling his nose as he looked away from her. She leaned forward slowly, pressing her finger against the bridge of his nose and squishing it softly. He snapped his eyes towards her, almost in alarm.

“What are you doing?” He questioned and she could hear the humor in his voice. She smiled big at him, resting her finger against his nose for another second before pulling her hand away.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while. Your nose just looks soft,” She admitted, feeling a soft flush form over her features. She was still happy she did it, “It is soft.” She confirmed, watching the glee that covered his features.

“You’re weird,” Billy told her but his eyes were twinkling, “Really, really weird. You’re cute though.” Her heart was racing as he watched her and she sank back against him, enjoying the way he warmed her body. She could lay here forever. She stiffened, watching as Max rolled over in her chair but swiftly relaxed as the sound of her snores carried across the room. She looked up towards Billy, a bit worried. 

“I can take her back to bed,” Billy spoke up again softly, rubbing his large hand down her pale shoulder. She rested her head against his chest, soaking in the feeling of his skin against hers. She didn’t want him to leave just yet, “Probably better do it before dad comes back.” She sighed softly against his chest, not wanting to be interrupted. She knew he was right though, if her mom came home and saw them curled up like this she would think the worst. 

“Okay,” She slowly released her grip around him, feeling herself pouting as he sat up and pulled away from her. She snuggled back into the couch cushions, trying to hold onto the warmth of his spot as he stood. He glanced down at her, a smile forming on his lips as he slowly picked the smaller girl up from the couch. Kim watched, intrigued at how easily he could lift someone, “I’ll wait for you.” She mumbled softly, he turned and sent her a smirk before he was walking away with the younger girl. She sprawled out against the couch, trying to calm the feeling in her chest. She didn’t understand why her heart was racing so hard or why she cared if Billy was ignoring her. She reminded herself that this wouldn’t last forever, one day both of them would walk away from each other. It made her sad, thinking about being without him one day. She knew it was true, no matter how badly she wanted to deny it. She could still feel their mixture in her panties but she didn’t care, she had grown to like the feeling of his warm liquid inside of her. It made her feel dirty in a good way. 

“You ready?” He nudged her foot softly, brushing his finger across the top of her toes gently. She shifted her feet away quickly, not wanting to get tickled. She looked up at his golden face, admiring the smile that was placed on his features. He bent down slowly, wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her up. She squealed softly, her head pointing downwards as he placed her over his shoulder with ease. She felt the giggles forming in her chest, leaving her mouth as she tilted her head up a bit to peer up at him.

“Please don’t drop me,” She giggled out, resting her hands against his lower back so she could hold herself up. She stared as the living room slowly trailed out of view as he carried her towards her room. He squeezed the back of her thigh softly, kicking her door open slowly with his foot. He kept the light to her room off as he traced his steps in the darkness before plopping her down on her bed. Her body bounced off of the mattress three times, a large grin on her face as she finally settled into the soft bed, “Where are you going?” She asked softly, looking at how he began to step away from her bed.

“My room,” He glanced towards her, the amusement fading from his face, “I don’t think it would be good if they came back and found us in here together.” He admitted, trailing a finger against her leg softly. She felt herself pouting, scooting over in her bed to make room for him.

“Just for a little bit? I bet we’d be able to hear when they came in. Please?” She questioned hopefully, looking at the way he seemed to be considering it. She felt her mood dampen when he turned without a word and headed towards her door. She really thought things may change again now that they had talked everything through.

“Just don’t be acting weird, I don’t want to be kicked or anything in my sleep,” He grumbled, closing her door and locking it for good measure. He was referencing how she had nightmares after scary movies, he turned with a soft smile on his lips. She could feel her heart pounding, realizing he was staying, “Not too many blankets, I get hot.” He muttered as he scooted next to her on the bed. She didn’t care. She wouldn’t need many with him. He always kept her warm.

“Okay,” She replied softly, looking over at him with her fingers linked together over her stomach. He messed with her pillows, shifting them until he got comfortable. She watched as he pulled the scrunchie from his hair, letting his blonde curls rest against his shoulders. It had grown so much from the first time she had met him. She couldn’t believe how short it had been at that time, “Just don’t let anything grab my feet.” She grinned, watching the way his eyes turned towards her in amusement.

“Not sure what I could do against a monster, but sure. You’re welcome by the way.” He rolled on his side to face her, resting his hand against his cheek as he watched her. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, not understanding what he meant.

“Thank you?” She replied back, watching as he bit down on his bottom lip. He had a mischievous look on his face as he scooted towards her closer, pressing his warm hand against her pale skin.

“Yeah, now no one can sacrifice you to any ancient demons.” He cackled, his eyes scrunching with laughter as he looked at her reaction. She relaxed her face, ignoring the burning she felt in her cheeks as she shoved him playfully. She couldn’t believe he had just told her that. She felt a joyous feeling in her chest as she traced the lines around his eyes where he was smiling so wide. Her heart was fluttering hard, her stomach flipping as she watched him. Something felt different as an entirely new feeling soared inside of her flesh and bones. She felt like she was looking at him in a different light suddenly as all of her feelings from the previous weeks began to pile up onto her. She exhaled hard, fighting a smile as Billy was still watching her amused. She could stay here forever, she realized.

She was fucked.

[smolbluebirb]

thinking thoughts about Billy and Max's relationship - specifically that Max needs as much of a sibling character growth arc as Billy does.

I've seen lots of fics examine the siblings' relationship and have Max's view on Billy suddenly shift once she finds out about Neil's abuse. Max develop a sudden well of empathy and understanding for Billy once she learns that his dad beats him. and honestly I enjoy that characterization and it's very much my cup of tea - but it's not what I expect from their canon portayals. I don't think Max would see the abuse in the same light as we do.

I've heard that Runaway Max makes it canon that Max knows - has literally watched - Neil beat Billy. and gone on the next day still hating him, and maybe even believing that Billy deserves it. that, horrifying as it is, seems a lot more realistic to me.

bear with me here: a story about me and my younger sibling to give perspective into my point about Billy and Max.

I've got a little brother. our family has lots of problems, but our relationship was never great as kids just cuz I didn't want anything to do with him. both of our parents are youngest siblings and I've been getting sat down for talks since I was a toddler about how he deserved a nice older sibling, and I ought to share all my toys with him and play with him whenever he wanted and be his best friend because that's all they ever wanted from their older siblings. and I resented that. I hated the unfairness of me being expected to cater to him because I was arbitrarily older.

so I wasn't particularly cruel, but I was certainly rude, and I did everything I could to make it clear that I didn't want anything to do with him. and he would go straight to our mom and say I was being mean - and I would get beaten, or lose meal privileges for a few days, or have everything taken out of my room and locked in there for a day or two.

I was in some kind of trouble all the way into middle school, and it made me really, really angry because I had never asked for a sibling. I wasn't mean, I didn't mess with his stuff, I didn't have problems with anyone else outside of the house. but because I was the older sibling, he got to hold all the cards and I could be nursing bruised ribs for weeks because he felt like telling our parents I refused to play lightsabers with him.

but as I headed into highschool he got a gang of friends and was happy to spend his time off with them, so he left me alone for the most part. I still wanted nothing to do with him but it was finally mutual, and I mostly got a break.

here is where it ties into Billy and Max.

when he was twelve, we started going to this little hick cowboy church. I had always been a people person and super popular with adults and peers alike, but I was also super into literature at that stage of life and developing some nasty mobility disabilities, and I started being bullied very badly by the people there for wanting to hang inside and read instead of playing football, volleyball, etc. outside with them. they were VERY hick, man. demonize higher education, a man is out in the field, a woman is in the kitchen, hick.

and that became a very, very regular occurrence.

and one day at home, he waltzed into my room and started telling me at length how I was worthless and no one liked me or wanted me around and I should do everyone a favor and just disappear.

people love my brother, man. they did then, they do now. he works full time with kids, mentoring them and shit. he's good at it. he's not necessarily nice, he's always had a caustic brand of humor, but it's the kind people find hilarious. hell I find it hilarious. it's a lot like Max's in the show.

and you know what? when our mom dragged us to a dinner together years later, as adults, and whined about why we weren't close, I brought up the period in our lives where I was extremely suicidal (I attempted multiple times around then and they are well aware) and all the remarks he'd make. I pointed out that he'd never given me any form of apology, nor had he ever made an effort to build a relationship with me, so I saw no reason to reach out to him.

and he looked me dead in the eye and said he wasn't sorry, and it was my fault if I'd been that bothered by what he said.

that kid was raised from infancy being told that he had every right to demand my time and attention and walk past my boundaries. that kid heard from his friends that it sucked he was stuck with a loser for an older sibling. that kid saw every beating I took and every suicide attempt I made and all the health complications I have from childhood malnutrition and mistreatment as my own fault for not being a better older sibling - because that's what everyone fucking told him his whole life.

so. Max Mayfield.

I wanted to share all this with ye peeps of Tumblr because it seems like a lot of people have genuinely never come across a situation like I grew up in. that it isn't a perspective that's easy for other people to slide into.

most of what we know about Billy comes from Max's perspective of Billy. and where does Max's perspective of Billy come from?

consider every time she hears Neil tell him to be responsible. that he's wasting his life going to parties. that his music is trash. to be a real man. to show some respect.

we know that there's nothing wrong with metal music and teenagers party and that Neil's version of respect and responsibility is toxic as hell - but Max doesn't necessarily. Max knows that her new older brother is rude and always getting in trouble. Max knows that her parents say he should be nice to her and spend time with her and give her things and he doesn't.

we learned about Billy's abuse and saw him in a new light because we know there is nothing that warrants a minor being beaten. and we know the psychological impact being raised like that can have. and we can imagine how Billy could be if he was given a safe, healthy environment instead of the horror of a homelife he has in the show.

but as a kid in that household in the 1980s, Max doesn't. Max hears from her dad that Billy deserves it and sees from her mom that it's fine and hears from her friends that Billy is the worst.

and I just don't see Max realizing that it's horrible that Neil beats Billy. I see her doing things that'll get him in trouble anyway and thinking that he's an asshole so he probably deserves it.

and after the nailbat to the nuts, I think Billy backing off and their relationship stabilizing has less to do with him being scared of Max and more to do with her finally being willing to keep up her end of the status quo of completely ignoring each other, now that she has friends to fill her time with.

and most importantly - I don't think this makes Max an awful person. I think she's a product of her environment and I think she's a kid so she has very little control over that environment.

I think we, the fandom, like to go with the easy answer that of course Max's view of Billy will change once she learns of Neil's abuse because we don't want to think of Max as being the little sibling who will tell you to kill yourself and stand by it years later. she can say "sometimes I wished he was dead" and that's okay because she regrets it now, but I'm suggesting that if Billy hadn't died, Max wouldn't have regretted it.

and I think Max both needs and deserves a character arc of recognizing that her parents were wrong and their treatment of Billy wasn't okay and that she was wrong and her treatment of Billy wasn't okay, either.

I'm not blaming Max. I don't blame my little brother. when you're a kid and you have fucked up parents, you end up where you end up. but then, you have the chance and the responsibility to learn better and do better. and we explore that with Billy all the time, but to get Max from Point A to Point B, she has to go through all that too.

Billy hurt Max, but Max hurt Billy too. they were both kids. they both have to learn better.

[henrysglock]

unpopular opinion: the people who say Billy is an irredeemably evil character are the same people who fail to see that there's no actual explicit scene where Billy keeps Max away from Lucas for racially motivated reasons (he's mostly just trying to cover his ass to avoid getting beaten up by Neil, who's likely the bigger racist influence; Billy isn't racist by default so much as it would likely be learned behaviours from Neil. Don't even get me started on how Billy's effeminate Glam Rock aesthetic is likely seen as a huge Disappointment to Masculinity in Neil's mind as well, but I digress) and in the same breath as saying "Billy fans are evil for supporting a character who doesn't have a shred of good in him", will turn around and write multiple paragraphs about how Henry isn't evil by choice because he's a victim of Brenner's abuse, the Upside Down is what made Henry so evil, etc etc. While completely ignoring the fact that most of Billy's notably problematic behaviour was a result of the Mindflayer and likely wasn't a conscious decision. Or if they were conscious decisions, Billy made those decisions because he was raised in an environment that didn't allow him alternative ways of thinking. Just. Like. Henry. My point being... the people who idolize Henry but demonize Billy at the same time are straight up hypocrites.

You see, Anon, that's the inherent tragedy in characters like Billy and (in my own pet addition) Jason. They were both around the same age: teenagers. Did they do horrible shit? Absolutely. Was any of it excusable? Absolutely not.

Did they still have a whole life ahead of them to turn it around? Yes, and that's the tragedy.

Billy was a racist, though. There's that scene in ST2 where he tells Max to stay away from "certain types of people", and that type of person is Lucas, the black boy. So yeah, he's a racist. Undeniably so. He was also abusive to Max in major ways in ST2. And yes, he's got some major masculinity issues. That's no excuse for his behavior. This is all pre-Mindflayer. This was just Billy. However. He was 18. He was 3 months into adulthood, and while his actions are his own and there would have been necessary reparations/people who wouldn't and shouldn't forgive him...Billy's response to those old memories of being loved showed us that he had a chance, however slim, to turn his shit around if he got a proper bonk on the head (several, perhaps). His chance at changing was taken away from him. That's the tragedy of his character.

Jason is much the same. He was grief-maddened by the death of a girlfriend he refused to admit he didn't actually know. He watched his friend die under incomprehensible conditions. He was not 'evil' from the get-go. He wasn't even a proper antagonist until Chrissy died. He was looking for someone to blame and maniacally set his sites on the police's scapegoat club leader. Hellfire club wasn't even on his radar re: Chrissy until the cops leaked it. He's more complex than most people like to admit. Was any of his shit excusable? Absolutely not. Is it explicable? Yes. There's a logical progression to the things he does, despite his behavior being properly unhinged...and that wasn't the type of behavior we really see him engage in before Chrissy's death. Therein lies the tragedy: He wasn't always that way, and any chance (however slim) at walking it back was taken from him.

One is much the same in a multitude of ways: He wasn't always like this, his circumstances pushed him, and his actions remain inexcusable.

So I completely agree that it's confusing to see people treat the three of them so differently from each other. They're the same guy in different flavors.

Send me unpopular opinions!

[faerywhimsy]

A personal history of the vampire Lestat

I have a vivid memory of it being around about four years after the Neil Jordan Interview with the Vampire came out, being in the backseat of a car being driven by my father and paying more attention to the 1994 publication of The Vampire Lestat than to the beautiful scenery of the township of Sorrento that we were just driving into.

Instead of 20th century Melbourne, I was quite utterly lost in 18th century Paris. Instead of two siblings beside me, my company was Lestat de Lioncourt and Nicholas de Lenfent. And I was fascinated by the descriptions, the lush details of a world and a time period I hadn't found in books before.

I would later see Anne Rice written up as an author of dark erotica, or as someone who had found religion in a pretty hardcore way, and finally as an author of many books of undead men who was now herself unfortunately deceased. But as a teenager discovering vampire fiction, hers would be the first adult and horror depiction of vampires I would consume.

Indeed, the memory of the day would most likely be entirely lost to history were it not for the memory of this book. This might have been the same day where we consumed ice-cream by the beach. But it was definitely the day where I remember even my 15 year old adolescent mind wasn't able to reconcile Lestat as the 'good guy' of this narrative.

This is a feeling I would carry all the way from Brad Pitt's jaw line that would. not. quit (definitely the unsung MVP of the 1994 film) to Sam Reid's depiction of Lestat coming to us now in the year of Our Lord 2022. It's fun to be able to watch and relax, while sitting very content with words like 'anti-hero' now in my vocabulary.

But it also doesn't hurt to have Daniel Molloy this time actively calling out the abusive nature of Louis and Lestat's relationship in the script. Multiple times.

My god, those eyes, though.

Is it the difference in picture quality over the past 30 years, or is dear Sampire's performance really that much more riveting over that of Tom Cruise?

[al1v3-p03ts-s0ci3ty]

Dead Poets Society: An Essay I Wrote Immediately After I Was Done With The Film Because It Changed My Life.

Letterboxd: https://boxd.it/5gEE0p

Where do I even begin. This movie changed my brain chemistry.

(I wrote this immediately after watching the film and it's taken me a couple hours to write, it's 3am now for reference and I finished this film roughly around 10pm)

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!! TW. SUICIDE, HOMOPHOBIA, ABUSE

I will be covering the plot, the themes, relationships, and obviously I can't really talk about Dead Poets Society without talking about the ending.

The first half of the film was a cute coming if age story of a group of boys who enjoy literature, poetry and the theatre. It's such a cute watch. They develop crushes, they write, they learn, it captures the school experience. We learn about their friend group, but more specifically the characters Todd, Neil and Knox.

The second half of the movie, or more specifically, the last 30 minutes, had me in tears. Bawling. It's devastating. It's so so much more devastating than I thought it would be having known the ending before watching the film. It's dragged out, making it a lot more realistic than it would've been if the last couple scenes weren't included.The performances are incredible, and the way the characters deal with loss is outstanding.

Overall, this has become one of my favourite films. The story, the acting, the writing and the atmosphere is just amazing. The only other film or piece of media that I can recommend to you if you enjoyed this film is The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. Trust me, you'll see the resemblances.

Their english teacher, Mr. Keating, helps then to develop their writing skills in peculiar ways. Ripping out pages of their poetry books to show them how poetry can't be defined by a single scale, playing sports and walking laps to teach them about how difficult it is to maintain a singular form when it comes to writing. Robin Williams performance was spectacular. His character is incredibly memorable as Mr. Keating.

This movie teaches many things throughout it's run, love, ambition, passion and more specific things too, such as the limits that one can express themselves in a toxic family, the positives that come with having a support group and (in my opinion, the most important one) what life could look like without toxic masculinity and the importance of freedom of self expression. I won't beat around the bush, there are homophobic elements in the film too, especially revolving around not only the relationship between Neil and Todd but also the character or Mr. Keating.

We see multiple relationships within the film, the one between (as stated previously) Neil and Todd, Mr. Keating and his students, Neil and his parents, the principle aka. Mr. Nolan and Mr. Keating's students. All of these relationships are important. I'll write about them in small sections, starting with Neil and Todd and continuing in order.

Neil (Robert Sean Leonard) and Todd (Ethan Hawke). Where do I even begin. Their relationship is so pure and bright, they're so close and they're just so so sweet and kind to eachother. They're roommates throughout the movie and their close friends, and they have so many sweet moments together. My personal favourite scene of them (but also of the entire movie) is when Neil finds Todd sitting alone with a new desk set that's still in its case, he's alone on this sort of arch/tunnel in the dark at night. He tells Neil that it's his birthday and that his parents got him a desk set, in fact, it's the same desk set that they got him the year before. In his attempt to comfort Todd, Neil compliments his desk set, he even compliments how aerodynamic it is before mimicking throwing it off this balcony area. Todd finds this amusing and so he throws it. The flying desk set. It's a really cute scene that they have with eachother and it really shows how close they're becoming throughout their time together. This kind of relationship is so so important in a movie about young men. To show that they can be close with eachother without being picked on or harassed. There are gay hints in their relationship, and for a film that came out in the late 80s I can imagine that they wouldn't want to have a gay main character in their movie. However, for the time it is quite a progressive film. The way their loving and caring relationship contrasts with the relationship that Neil has with his parents is great storytelling on it's own.

Mr. Keating is such an important character. When the students have their first class with him, they're expecting to have a strict teacher, much like the other ones in the film. But they don't. Mr. Keating teaches the boys not only about poetry, but about love and passion and most importantly, self expression. He's such a supportive character. He supports Neil when he wants to persue his passions and become and actor and join the play. He's supportive of the boys' poetry. He supports them all throughout the film, he's a role model, he treats them as equals, he's an adult that these boys trust. That's exactly what they need to thrive as students, a teacher figure that they can trust and that respects them and treats them like equals. You'd be surprised at how rare those kinds of adults are.

Neil and his parents. This relationship can be seen in other places in the movie, as well as with the principle and the students of Mr. Keating's class. They are controlling and they hold Neil back from pursuing his dreams. They want him to become a doctor and go to Harvard, whereas Neil wants to become an actor and perform. They are the season for his suicide. The night he died, Neil's father tells him that he's going to taken out of Welton Academy and sent to military school. A quote from the Neil, "But that's ten more years. Father, that's a lifetime!" His parents are willing to waste their sons life just so that they can sleep at night knowing that he's financially stable even though he's unhappy. A much deeper reason for this could be trailed back to what I mentioned earlier about the importance of self expression. His parents, or more specifically, his father, is holding him back from expressing himself. No wonder why he acts so different in class than he does with his parents. They don't approve of his choice to follow his dreams. This is the decision they force on Neil that will end up killing him.

The ending of the movie really got to me.

Neil's suicide is dragged out painfully throughout the ending. It hurts to watch, not because it's bad, because it's amazing, but because of how realistic they portray the suicide. I was honestly expecting the film to ending of the movie to be quick. Neil's parents would find his body and the credits would roll. I was so so wrong. We hear the screams of Neil's mother after finding her sons corpse on the floor of their home, we hear her cry, scream. It's so horrible to listen to let alone watch. We see the reaction of his friends finding out about his passing. Charlie wakes Todd up to the news, tears rolling down his face. Two straightforward words "Neil's dead." Todd's reaction is one that I don't think I'll ever be able to forget.

Warning for (emetophobia//fear of vomit)

The boys are in the snow, walking, admiring their surroundings. Maybe they're trying to distract themselves. "It's so beautiful." Todd says, before he starts to gag and vomit in the snow. It's horrible to watch. It's so so horrible. (To note, at this point in the movie I'm violently sobbing.) The rest of the boys try their hardest to comfort him, they really do, but that doesn't stop Todd from accusing Neil's dad of killing him. Todd truly believes that had Neil's father not picked him up that night after the play, Neil wouldn't have done it. It's devastating to watch. They were so close and they loved eachother dearly, and now Todd has to deal with that loss. The boys try to calm him down, Todd retaliates by running down the snowy hill, stumbling, falling and making his way to the dock.

Mr. Keating loses his job. He's accused of being at fault for Neil's suicide. Had he not given Neil the idea to stay in the play, Neil wouldn't have been so torn up about having to leave, therefore Neil would still be alive. This is obviously wrong, but it also shows the lengths that the school is willing to go through to explain the sudden death of one of their students. Why investigate the neglectful parents when we can fire the likely gay teacher that we didn't like (because he's likely gay and complicates out entire way of education) and just be done with it and get the press out of our face? I guess it's just easier to blame the only supporting adult in the entire film rather than simply progress as people and change. Some students are being expelled for being "involved" with what happened to Neil, and by "involved" I mean simply being supportive.

The last scene broke my heart, yet, made me feel united with the Dead Poets Society. Their new teacher demands that someone reads the beginning of their poetry book, however, earlier in the movie Mr. Keating tells everyone to rip out the entire first chapter of their book. Mr.Keating walks in on his while on his way to collect his things so that he can leave. It's a cute scene, unspoken phrases between the class and their past teacher. Everyone in the room knows, except for the only other authority figure. As Keating's leaving the class, Todd announces that "They made everybody sign it!" Implying that the kids in his class had something to do with his firing, but they werw made ti and they didn't have a choice. Just when Keating is about to leave and their principle is trying to discipline him, Todd stands on his desk and yells "O Captain! My Captain!" Referencing an earlier scene in the film when Mr. Keating tells the class to either refer to him as "Mr. Keating" or "O Captain! My Captain!" But also the scene where Mr. Keating insists that they all stand on their desks to gain some perspective on what they were reading. It's a cute reference. It made me smile. Some other students follow Todd and stand on their desks too. This is when my smile turned into an ugly sob because I realised that this gesture, as beautiful as it is, isn't enough for Mr. Keating to get his job back, it's not enough to bring Neil back and it's not enough to heal these boys of the pain they suffered from after their closest friend passed away.

Overall. It's an amazing watch. I highly highly recommend this film, but I wouldn't recommend watching it if your in a low place mentally, it's just not a good mix.

Here's a video I recommend watching about this film:

[p0und-cake]

The Dead Kid’s Brother and the Freak (Part One)

Part Two! - Part Three!

eddie munson x male!hargrove!reader

SPOILERS FOR STRANGER THINGS SEASON FOUR

plot summary - im planning for this to be a 3-parter! first part is about how reader and eddie met, second is how they got together, third is the reader being infected with vecna’s curse !

warnings - mention of death, mention of unaliving, attempted unaliving, talking someone down from unaliving, mention of homophobia, censored f slur, cursing, mentions of abuse, mentions of drinking/alcohol

———————————————————————————

Right now, being Eddie Munson’s boyfriend and the dead kid’s brother really wasn’t the greatest position ever for you. You would really rather be at home with your step-sister and step-mother instead of hiding at Skull Rock with Eddie after watching Patrick McKinney get his bones broken like someone was cracking a glow-stick.

Ever since you and Eddie had watched Chrissy Cunningham die in his trailer, things had just taken a turn for the worst. You had heard Chrissy’s bones cracking from Eddie’s bedroom along with his screaming, and when you got in the living room, you saw something you could never imagine, despite having seen a huge monster at the Starcourt mall. Chrissy had been suspended in the air, her limbs bent in several directions that NO limbs should ever go. You came in right as her eyeballs popped out of their sockets and she crashed into the floor. You had no time to get over the shock that Chrissy was the one buying from your boyfriend, and just had to deal with the fact she was dead on the floor.

You and Eddie had a sort of agreement. It was pretty much common courtesy that he didn’t tell anybody who his customers were, and you accepted that. So when he told you somebody was coming over for a deal, you nodded and said you’d stay in his room until the person was gone. Of course, that didn’t last very long.

Eddie was of course freaking out. Some girl had just fucking died in his living room. As he yelled and cried you had stared at Chrissy’s body, trying to figure out what had even happened. Was it something with the upside down? If it was, fuck that shit. Not after what had happened to your brother.

“Let’s go.”

“Huh?!” Eddie sputtered, almost forgetting you were there.

“We can’t report this to the cops. They’re…” You hesitated, knowing that Eddie wasn’t going to want to hear this. “They’re…gonna think either me or you did it.”

“What?!”

“Think about it, Ed!” You grabbed his shoulders to stop him from pacing. “Chrissy Cunningham is fucking dead in your living room! What is that gonna look like?! My sister knew I was going here! We live right across the street!”

Good god, what was Max going to think?

“We have to get the hell out.” You said, trying to stay calm for Eddie’s sake.

“Shit, shit, you’re right.” He breathed out shakily. “Come on, I-I know somewhere!” Eddie grabbed one of your hands that was on his shoulders and dragged you out, audibly freaking out as he did so. You jumped in the passenger seat and he got in the driver’s. He quickly sped off, leaving you to just stare at where you lived with Max and Susan.

This was just going to crush them. After what had happened with Billy and then Neil leaving? You had picked up a job at a gas station in order to help Susan provide for everybody. After your brother had passed away, everything had just gone south. She and Neil had started fighting, he left, she picked up multiple jobs, and now she was drinking like no tomorrow. You had tried hard to be there for Max, but she had almost shut off completely. Nobody except you was exactly close to Billy, but you knew she had some caring for him. You couldn’t imagine how it must feel grieving for someone who hurt you.

As Eddie had ranted about wherever you were going, all you could think about was Billy. What would he do? You were a little sad to say you didn’t know. The two of you were relatively close when you were kids and your mother was around. But Neil ruined everything. He had driven Mom away and only caused you and Billy so much more pain. You remembered the nights when Billy would come to you with black eyes, fighting back tears and trying to be strong. You were just a little older than him, but that didn’t make the fact you were his big brother any different.

That being said, you couldn’t handle the fact that you had failed him once moving to Hawkins. You had forgotten what being a big brother had meant. He had seemed so independent and was pushing you away, so you figured he didn’t need you anymore. He had grown up. You stopped staying at the house as often. You went out with some of the jock friends you had made. You didn’t want to deal with Neil yelling at you and hurting you and calling you slurs. You realized too late that really had needed you. He was dead by the time you had realized how royally you’d fucked up. You had left him alone in a house. But not a home.

Ever since he died the guilt was starting to eat you alive.

But that’s how you met Eddie Munson.

It had all started when your dad left. He made you stay with Susan and Max. He told you it was your fault that Billy had died. Everything had been your fault, according to him. Your fault that your mother had left. Your fault Max was getting into trouble. You were to blame for all of it. You remember Susan begging him to take it back, that you didn’t do anything. But his words still rang clear in your head.

“The f*g only has himself to blame.”

Now you realized he just said that because he didn’t want to admit it was his fault. But then? You were still grieving over your little brother who you failed to save.

So, that night after Neil had left, you decided you didn’t want anything to be your fault ever again. Standing on the edge of that quarry that one middle schooler got his arms broken at by some girl, apparently, you were ready to just relieve everybody. But before you could do what you had planned, someone had called out.

“Hey, woah, bud! That’s the wrong place you wanna jump off if you’re going for a swim.”

You had whipped around and saw a strange boy your age with a shirt that read ‘Hellfire’. He was obviously cautious, knowing what your plan was.

“Go away!” You shouted. “Just- get out of here!”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Yeah, you fucking can! Just go, please! I dunno who you are, but nothing you have to say is gonna make me fuckin’ feel better!”

The boy sighed, and you thought he had left, but suddenly he was right there next to you.

“Well, you at least gonna tell me your name so I can tell people who I saw jump off at the quarry?”

“What? What do you care?”

“You gonna answer the question?” He asked, perfectly calm as opposed to your loud, shaky voice and puffy eyes. “What’s your name?”

“…(Y/n)…”

“(Y/n)…?”

“…Hargrove.” You uttered the last name like it was delicate glass.

It seemed to click in his head immediately. Hargrove. The dead kid. You were related to the dead kid.

“Shit…well, I’m Eddie. Nice to meetcha.” He offered you a smile and held out his hand. Your eyebrows furrowed as you nervously took his hand. “Now, if you’re gonna jump, just know it’s not gonna solve anything.” He said, gripping your hand in his as if to try and ground you. You just glared and ripped your hand away.

“I guess I’ll have to be the judge of that.” You gave him no further explanation and that’s when you stepped off the edge.

Instantly, you regretted it. The feeling of falling really wasn’t fun, and in that moment you remembered Susan and Max. Luckily, that feeling didn’t last too long.

A strong hand had grasped your arm. Eddie had knelt down on the edge and grabbed you. All he did was smile at you.

“You really think I was gonna let you fall, Hargrove?” He quickly yanked you up. This man had strength.

You scrambled up and scooted away from the cliff, trying to fight back the tears that were coming on but miserably failing. You’d always been shamed for crying. It wasn’t manly, according to…like, everybody you knew. You remembered hiding your tears during Billy’s funeral, only to go out by this same quarry and scream out your frustrations in private. But…Eddie didn’t say anything. He just went and sat next to you, crossing his legs. You tried stopping, worried he would eventually make some backhanded comment.

But he didn’t. He laid his hand on your back, being cautious in case you didn’t want to be touched.

“I know this is kinda weird considering we just met, but…do you wanna hug?”

You stared at him for a few seconds. When was the last time someone had hugged you? You couldn’t remember. Eddie seemed to sense your uneasiness, and he held out his arms, almost like he knew you basically forgot how to initiate one. You bit your lip and eventually just said fuck it and leaned forward and hugged the boy. As soon as he wrapped his arms around you, it was all over. The tears gushed out of your eyes like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube. Your throat tightened and you started shaking like a baby rattle. You were a mess. You felt pathetic as you cried like a baby in this stranger’s arms.

“Shit- f-fuck- ‘m sorry…” You stammered out, your words barely comprehensible due to your onslaught of tears. “You shouldn’t have to deal with a total stranger’s problems, man…”

“Well…yeah, so?” Eddie hummed. “I wasn’t about to let a pretty boy like you jump off and die a painful death on those rocks.”

Pretty boy? Your face was already red from crying, but it just got a little redder. That’s when you spotted the black handkerchief/bandana in his back pocket.

“I-I hope you didn’t stop me just because you wanted a fuck.” You mumbled, and now it was his turn to be surprised.

“I- well, no, that’s not what I meant-” he started stammering, not sure if he should reassure you or be surprised you knew what that meant. “You’re- I mean, shit-”

You couldn’t help but just laugh a little, sniffling as you pulled away. He looked a little scary, but he was actually pretty sweet. “It’s okay…I just joking. You’re…y’know?”

Eddie seemed to relax. “Yeah, I am. Are you?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded in understanding. “Well, nice to know you aren’t gonna call me a slur or anything.” He chuckled lightheartedly.

“Same.” You breathed out shakily. It wasn’t often you met another gay person. You knew Robin Buckley was, but that’s about it.

“So…do you wanna talk about anything? I mean if not, that’s whatever.” Eddie hummed. “If you want a distraction or anything, that’s cool too.”

“A distraction?”

Eddie smiled and stood up, offering his hand which had several huge rings. “Yeah, c’mon. Ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons?”

[biillyhargroves]

idk there’s just something about the way that anyone who shows Billy Hargrove an ounce of compassion gets punished for it that makes feel Very Not Good.

Max expresses genuine fear and concern for him from the moment she realizes that something is genuinely wrong. she is the one lingering, watching him even after her friends have gone to set their plan in motion, praying for him to not be flayed. she’s the one at the window of the sauna room, the person that Billy cries to. he begs her for help, and she tries so hard to give it, to reassure him. she’s the one pleading with him, trying desperately to remind him of who he is, doing everything she can to break him free from the Mind Flayer and what does she get? he dies a horrible, gruesome death in front of her and she is plagued by survivor’s guilt, sinks into a depression, is uprooted from her second home as her mother crawls into the bottom of a bottle. she admits to being suicidal!!! and then she gets killed because her grief and pain marked her as a prime target for the same evil that took her brother away.

Heather is the only person at the pool to recognize that something is wrong with Billy. she sees that something isn’t right, she hears him in distress. she comes to his aid and she asks how to help him, and she, too, gets killed for her trouble. her only crime was having empathy for him.

Eleven isn’t an outlier here!! she reaches out to Billy repeatedly, gets hurt multiple times because of it, and after she is finally able to make a connection with him, when she finally finds the thread that pulls him free from the Mind Flayer’s control, she is forced to watch him sacrifice himself for her. that shit is traumatizing!! and after all of that she loses her dad, too!! sure, Hopper is alive, but Eleven doesn’t know that until months later, so she goes through this traumatic experience and immediately begins grieving her father. 

even Susan gets the short end of the stick. she was stuck in an abusive household, but in the one scene we see of her and Billy together, she tries to get Neil to back off of Billy. it’s a small act and it doesn’t work but it’s there and what does she get? her stepson dies. we don’t know what Max meant by the “bad fights” Susan and Neil had, but we can guess. she loses her stepson, and her marriage, and her home. and, after everything, she almost loses her daughter, too. 

and as much as I hate the Karen storyline, she almost gets the same treatment when she attempts to talk to him at the pool. in fact, it’s Billy himself who saves her from that fate, who protects her by telling her to leave him alone. if she hadn’t listened, the Mind Flayer would have made him attack her, too. you get the sense that if she cared more, that if this was really about Billy’s feelings, she would have been hurt or killed, just like the others.

every person to show Billy Hargrove the slightest semblance of care gets punished for it and I Do Not Like That One Bit.

[dr3amlandst0ner]

Billy Hargrove.

character analysis ;) (spoilers; i think hes queer coded)

I love Billy Hargrove. Not a sentence many like to hear, trust me. I know.

The first impressions of Billy werent the best, but they could’ve easily been way worse.

We first meet Billy the human antagonist in season 2, as hes driving into the Hawkins high parking lot, in nothing other then his blue Camaro while Rock you like a hurricane by the scorpions is playing. When he gets out of his car he knows all eyes are on him. I mean why wouldnt they be, he’s the stereotypical bully that’s in every teenage coming of age movie ever, he looks and seems very douche-y and confident which he very much is both.

There are multiple moments where we start to learn about his character and his personality in general, most well known being when Max got into his car after school, Billy seems annoyed because she’s late. she uses the excuse she had to get homework, but it’s obvious she was talking to Lucas Sinclair.

Billy finally perks up and says “there are people in this world you learn to stay away from” which in all honesty, shows us more of his personality then one would originally think. It showed us how violent and hateful he really is.

Billys dad, Neil, is the primary (if not the only) reason for his anger and aggression. The first and only interaction we see between him and his dad is when he was getting ready to leave to meet Karen Wheeler at a motel, which screams mommy issues but we’ll get to that later. Neil asks Billy where Max (his stepsister) is at because Billy was supposed to be “watching her”, they go back and forth about that and during this time Neill uses the f-slur against Billy. After Billy says “she’s not my sister” that’s what finally pushes Neil over the edge, he pushes billy against a bookcase and makes Billy repeat the phrase “respect and responsibility” back to him. That scene alone shows us that anything that happens to Max or anything Max does that Neil doesnt like, Billy pays for. Which gives us some insight as to while Billy is the way he is, an insight as to why hes so aggressive.

It’s obvious Billy has only ever known violence. After his mom left his dad who was also abusive towards her, Billy hasnt had a healthy relationship with anyone. I mean after all he was raised by a bigot who used slurs against his seventeen year old son, so we can only imagine what he said behind closed doors

That scene also shows that Billy isnt all aggression. We can see him tearing up when his dad yells at him and after his dad hits him. We see him show another emotion besides hate and resentment.

Billy’s childhood wasnt happy. From the memories we see, it seems he was only ever happy if it was just him and his mom. Theres a memory of him surfing with his mom and him telling her the wave was 7 feet tall. He asks if he can keep surfing for 10 more minutes and his mom agrees reluctantly saying “any longer then that and dad will be mad” which just goes to show how aggressive his dad was and still is.

Back to Billy’s mom, in season 3 we see Billy remember a memory from when he was 7-8 years old, he was surfing and told his mom the wave was 7 feet tall as mentioned before. We can assume she left not to long after that. Meaning from the ages of lets say 10 to 17 he didn’t have his mother. He had his stepmom but never seemed to be close with her, this is where the mommy issues come in. It’s very obvious that Billy flirts with any older women he sees, and this time it just so happens to be Karen Wheeler (who btw has a family and a daughter his age).

We can see very clearly that he doesnt actually like Karen. He like I said has very apparent mommy issues. His smiles fades as soon as he gets into his car after talking with Mrs Wheeler, his interest in women never seems genuine, it always feels forced. Which is why I think billy hargrove is queer coded. Having a dad like Neil, who has used slurs, would probably push someone farther into the closet. He learned to not act queer. he learned to not be something his father would definitely punish him for, he learned to survive.

The only time we see Billy truly interact with another character is whenever hes in the same space as Steve Harrington. From the party to the ‘fight’ outside the Byers house, no one seems to hold billys attention like Steve.

Thats not new though, Dacre Montgomery and Joe Keery are wonderful actors and their chemistry mixes so well. Their character are complete opposites, Billy can be written off as having toxic masculinity— which he completely does, whereas Steve is more of a layed back not really caring type of character.

In the infamous basketball scene, Billy trys to intimidate and one up Steve, which he does— and weirdly enough Steve seems oh so very bothered by this, bothered the new guy from cali of all places is showing him up in his own school,, a school he use to run. Billy’s kinda assholeish remarks regarding Nancy definitely arent as outright flirting as the “am i dreaming or is that you, harrington”

The first time we see Billy fully come alive and show all his pent up anger is when him and Steve have a confrontation outside the Bylers house. Since Steve is one of the most beloved characters, its hard to forgive Billy even in inch for fighting with Steve. The fight started when Billy slammed Lucas Sinclair into a bookshelf, much like his dad did with him. Billy used Lucas as a vessel for his fear, just like Neil used billy as a vessel for his aggression. Billy sees Lucas as a threat, not because Lucas would ever hurt max— no no, because Billy knows Lucas would be the reason he would be hit again and again. after all he’s supposed to “protect his little sister” and seeing as Neil already used slurs… we can assume he couldn’t be to happy to find out his stepdaughter was dating someone, let alone someone who wasn’t white.

The cycle of abuse just continues, like a revolving door— never ending. By the end of season three you start to wonder if Billy ever stood a chance in life. Max seemed to be the only one who genuinely cared that Billy was possessed by the mindflayer and in the end thats how the Duffer brothers wanted it. in the long run Billy made the sacrifice, but not as a was of redemption for how shitty he was to everyone around him. Not really any reason honestly, him being put to death and its consequences still echos though season 4.

Its the pure queer rage that made Billy stick out in the stranger things fandom. Billy was made for the scared and abused queer kids, the ones who seen themselves and their anger within him. Billy is the true embodiment of pure queer rage.

In all honesty its a little saddening to see everyone overlooking Billy’s abuse and pain. i’ve seen people say he deserved what happened to him— despite Dacre Montgomery being very vocal about the fact that Billy is very much not racist due to his push to make the character more human, and less evil for no reason. In a Newsweek interview he said that if Billy seen anyone giving max a hard time or anything like that he would’ve stepped in because like I said he pays for max’s doings.

People mention the term ‘hate-crime’ when speaking of Billy, but it’s almost never mentioned when speaking about the violence from his father towards him. Violence against queer people— especially towards queer men is so normalized, no one thought anything. When a queer coded character doesn’t fix into the tiny box people have in mind for them, abuse against them goes unnoticed. Billy doesn’t fit in the queer coded box, he’s full of rage and anger cause from his upbringing.

Hate towards queer people is nothing new, not at all. When a queer man doesn’t fix into the boxes cishet people have made for us, we are often overlooked and silenced, even villanized. Obviously i cant excuse any of Billy actions, nor am i trying to. I’m just here to point out the double-standards within fandoms in general, and the continuous microaggressions against queer men.

While hundreds of fans of fan thirst over Henry creel, a man who slaughtered children and became Vecna canonically, the queer kids who for a moment seen themselves within a hurt and abused teen are drug through the mud for hanging onto one of the few times in media where queer rage is actually seen.

There have been artist, and creators who have had to apologize for making Billy hargrove related content. But yet there is still content made of real life abuser.

Billy Hargrove is a complicated character to say the least, i’m not trying to change your mind about him. Who knows I might be considered problematic for this but I cannot stay quiet any longer. Dacre Montgomery fought to make Billy Hargrove more human then the Duffers ever planned on writing him.

so after all of that.

To Dacre: whether you ment to or not, you gave hundreds of queer kids a glimpse into the rage they feel yet cannot express due to how they would be seen. One of these kids being me, up until I started analyzing Billy and realizing how much trauma he has actually been through— I didn’t have a good reason to be mad at peoples reactions to me. I’m a closest trans man who has been told time and time again that i’ll never be a “real” man. I will be forever great full for your contributions to making Billy who he is.

And to the rest of the stranger things fandom: I’m not asking for you to like Billy Hargrove, not at all. I am asking you to think of how you see queer coded men. The even slight bias you might have when it comes to queer coded men who show their rage, when it comes to the queer coded men who don’t keep their rage tidy within themselves. I am asking you to rethink who you will forgive and who you will not.

I love Billy hargrove. The good, the bad, the parts no one wants to talk about.

And I’m ok with that.

(not proofread)

[local-redhead-bookworm]

I've rewatched the battle of starcourt episode and I'm mad. I'm mad-sad.

When el was talking to billy trying to bring him back, to make him escape the mind flayer's control, she used THE ONLY HAPPY MEMORY THAT BILLY HAD. Whilst in sez 2, when the gang was trying to do the same with will, they used like 20 happy memories, or more. He didn't break from it, he just managed to send them a message, but that's different and I don't blame will at all cause he was younger and all of that. He gets a pass. That boy suffered enough.

However, what made me mad-sad is the parallel. Billy had one happy memory. Will had 20+. Billy was 18 and he had one happy memory. Will was 12-13 and already had 20+ happy memories, just like any child should.

People see that shit and then they have the audacity to say that Billy deserved to die. They say that his tiny redemption arc was enough and it was his time to die. Really?

Also, I've seen some reactions on that episode on youtube and to see people cheer when Billy was injured or humiliated and then CRY at his death scene and his past (when el gets inside his brain)???? Like what the actual fuck???

Sorry for the language but I'm shocked. Sorry for ranting to you but i know you will understand. Thank you for listening :)

Never apologize for rambling about Billy. He’s my baby boy and I could talk about him until the cows come home.

Battle of Starcourt is an episode that I hate to rewatch. Literally every character in the show had multiple happy memories. Billy had only one. His life has been such an accumulation of anguish that he has only one good memory, and it seems like he buried it deep down too, maybe because that one good memory was too painful in comparison to all the bad ones, because it reminded him that things weren’t always the way they are when he dies.

I don’t understand people who cheer when Max knocks Billy unconscious. Like one, there’s no music to clue us in that this is meant to be triumphant. Two, that’s basically a mirror image of what Neil did. I saw that scene and it completely rearranged how I saw Billy’s character. Maybe it’s because I’m a bleeding heart for traumatized characters with “bad” coping mechanisms, but anyway.

I don’t understand how someone could go from cheering at seeing him being abused to crying when he dies. It just doesn’t add up. We have a whole season to see that Max and Billy’s relationship since season two has gotten better. It’s only implied, but we’ve gone from her hating him to just being like “eww he’s my gross older brother” and looking distressed while he was in the sauna and cradling his body.

His death is a heartbreaking scene. I can see why the scene would make people cry because it’s very well done with the music and framing and all that, and they really drive home just how painful and tragic his death was. Heck, it made me cry last time I watched it. The shot right before he holds off the monster’s tentacle (you know the one) emphasizes just how young he is. I know that Dacre was ~24, but still, Billy was just 18. He had his whole life ahead of him.

[sleepy-achilles]

Character study/analysis Billy Hargrove-

People call Billy racist yet Dacre confirmed his comments have nothing to do with Lucas race and that's the main reason why they removed the n word from the script, because billy had no reason to say it because it wasn't racially motivated.

Also yes his behaviour towards max is shitty but you have to remember he's being abused by his dad and he's protecting max from his abuse. But we also need to think about the amount of trouble Billy probably gets in if max misbehaves or isn't home or doing as told, which is probably why he's so mean to her. I mean we saw how his dad reacted when max ran off.

Dacre also confirmed Billy loves max, main reason he doesn't want lucas and max hanging out just because he sees him bothering his sister and doesn't like it at all. Think about it, he clearly doesn't let his father touch or hurt max, he ain't letting some middle schooler. When he said the line he could genuinely mean mean people, like his father, like him, I mean the only time he had saw Lucas at this time he had upset max and was bothering her.

So um for the people hating on people for liking Billy, maybe calm down abit and do some research and like stop dismissing his abuse just because he acts like a dick. There's a reason for his behaviour.

Also all the really terrible stuff Billy actually does is when under control of the mind flayer and even then we see multiple times he doesn't want to by the fact he cry. Almost every scene when he's with max or eleven he cries.

Also I don't care what anyone says, Billy's reaction at the Byers house was justified. His step sister was in a strangers house with a bunch of boys but also a adult male (Steve's what? 18? 19?) So yeah that is weird. Especially when Billy and Steve do not get on and Billy doesn't know any of them that well. I would too get angry if this happened, especially as Steve lies about it.

Also I notice that Billy can clearly fight and clearly win. I mean we see it with Steve, who yes hasn't really won a fight at that point but minor details, I mean he sure as hell throws the kids around and the stuff he does under the mind flayers control. But he never fights his father back. Showing he's scared of his father and that could be another reason he's a dick to max, out of fear of her having to witness it or being at the end of Neil rage. He could genuinely just want to protect her but be fucking terrible at showing it. He could also be angry about the fact Susan and max don't experience Neil's anger like he does, could be angry about the fact Susan just watches it happen. I mean he's definitely angry about his mum leaving, and Susan coming in with max, taking her place. Which is understandable. He's forced to grow up, he's forced to look after max, which he tells his father. He's watching her and she does things which he gets the blame for, which of course he'd be angry at her about.

Billy's 17 when he joins the show, a teenager, he has teenage emotions. Of course he'll be angry and angst filled. He has to look after his younger sister, cancel dates and social gatherings to go find her, basically live his life around her misbehaving and he gets punished for it, not her. People seem to forget this.

Spoilers for the new season up ahead-

And well he's dead now which you know, still praying for that to change on the 1st but knowing me, it won't.

I forgot totally about Mrs wheeler! Everyone blames Billy for that. She's a 40 something old women. He's 17. If it was a girl and a man you wouldn't be blaming the girl. Billy clearly has some form of daddy and mummy issues. He seeks female, especially older female validations and wheeler gives him that. People blaming Billy for that shit scare me. No way.

These are mostly just theories which i really like, so don't look too much into this part.

Max and Billy clearly love each other, Billy's dad truly just destroyed any chance they really had of being close, for someone who doesn't care or like Billy max is mourning him pretty hard. Especially when you think about the fact Billy's dad just up and left. I heavily believe the shirt max is wearing when she sees chrissy body is Billy's shirt. Also wonder if Billy made max those tapes or atleast the running up the hill one and that's why she's suddenly attached to her headphones and Walkman, he also might of never given it to her and when he died she found it, meaning it could just be Billy's. I mean his father clearly doesn't care so you can't convince me he sorted Billy's stuff out.

Running up that hill probably also reminds her of Billy. Which is why she's always listening to it.

She probably avoids lucas because of Billy aswell, think about it, Billy always told her to and she never did that before but does now? And the fact she willingly talks to Dustin kinda backs that for me.

-

Anyways that's my little analysis of Billy. I knew I was going to do this when I started watching season 2, so i made sure to pay attention to his character and the little things he does. Also rip Billy and rip Billy's car. Will be missed.

[decafanxietybitch]

Billy Hargrove Rant

If it isn't clear by anything else I don't like billy. I really don't. To the point that I've had nightmares about him (I have a severely overactive imagination and subconscious mind). That doesn't mean I don't want to take a minute to acknowledge that his life was shit. I've been playing a lot of cards with my siblings over the summer and I've learned a couple of life lessons but one big one is "You can only go so far on a shitty hand." Billy got a shitty life hand. That doesn't mean everything he does can be boiled down to;

Abusive Dad

Abandoned by Mom

A product of 1970-80 society

Billy is simultaneously an interesting and the most terrifying character I've viewed in a while. And in my opinion part of the terror comes from the Billy Stan versus Anti Billy fans. Personally I think I'm more aligned with an Anti narrative.

I don't like Billy

I don't approve of his actions

I believe that the things he did are explainable but not justifiable or redeemable

Billy is a victim of Neil Hargrove. That's a fact.

Billy displays emotionally abusive behavior to Max Mayfield. That's a fact.

Billy made an effort to scare children via physical harm or implied physical harm on multiple occasions. That's a fact.

These are all pre-mind flayer behaviors (S2). Billy is a complex character and the Duffer's did an interesting thing with him. They called upon the audience to make a "snap judgement" of his character. (something humans are very good at) and then many episodes later asked for us to re-evalute our positions based on new information. (something humans are very bat at) this opened up the possibility of explaining billy's actions and the possibility of excusing them.

Basically billy is a victim of physical and emotional abuse. He also has abandonment and trust issues. He also has some base in racist ideology, and my interpretation of him taking that out on Lucas is an attempt to regain power/control in his life. In addition Neil makes it clear that billy is "responsible" for Max. It can be concluded than that his emotionally manipulative/abusive behaviors are his way of controlling what "danger" she faces in an effort to minimize the abuse he is a victim of.

I've seen a lot of posts comparing him to Jason Carver and honestly I have so much to say about that. In short however I don't like either character. I'm biased against Jason because I've met kids like Jason and I didn't like them. Other than that I think that Jason is an arrogant person, who has violent tendencies that are barley masked by his "cool and popular" guy persona. I've also seen stuff about Karen Wheeler in relation to billy. Karen and the rest of those middle aged women sexualizing someone their own children's ages is disgusting and wrong, full stop. Karen's actions do not diminish the fact that billy repeatedly and purposefully poses a threat to children. I can't honestly say that S3 Karen's actions didn't shape a lot of my opinions on her and reshape a lot of what I had originally labeled mediocre parenting. Karen's actions and intentions were immoral and gross in this particular space, full stop.

This is really long I apologize, but I have a lot to say about this character. I'm not going to talk about queer coding because it wasn't something I looked for when I watched S2 or S3 and I don't really have time to rewatch. I could go on forever about the emotional abuse/manipulation between Billy and Max but I'm not going to. I still dislike billy as a person and honestly he still scares me. However from an acting and writing standpoint I am incredibly impressed with his characterization and depth. I could go on forever but I won't however if anyone has questions, comments, or critiques, I'll gladly engage in discussion

I finish this with a quote from Agent Melinda May from Marvel's Agents of Shield;

"We all have our traumas, it didn't turn any of us into psychopaths."

[buckysgrace]

Sapphic Kim and Billie. I think we all deserve them and they deserve to be nasty. I'd love too see your take on Fem!Billy 👀

Happy Pride!! Cruel Summer and Dancing in the Dark Masterlists :)

Billy/Billie Hargrove x Kim Mayfield <3

CW: Internalized homophobia, stepcest, mentions of physical and sexual abuse, some religious trauma, asshole parents, oral sex, fingering, girls being in love.

Lots of angst but happy ending <3

Kim had thought she was broken for the longest time.

She couldn't understand why she never looked at boys the same way all of her friends did, why she couldn't picture the feeling of their lips against hers or their large hands against her skin.

It didn't feel right. It never did.

She thought of softer hands, of sweeter lips that were brushed over with some sort of gloss or paint. She liked idea of something smoother, deeper. They weren't pleasant thoughts, she knew that.

Susan's obsession with Kim finding a boyfriend had grew, like she knew the deep secrets that she held. There was only so much she could do to blame it on her being awkward and shy. She occasionally attracted attention from boys. It wouldn't be long until she was caught, she was sure of it.

It was all because of her stupid diary too, all because of her references to Danielle. It hadn't even been that big of a deal. All she had said was that she enjoyed being around her, that she thought she was pretty. That her front teeth were slightly bigger than the rest of the teeth in her mouth. That was it.

And it had completely ruined her relationship with her mother. Susan was always breathing down her neck, like a looming shadow. She watched Kim's every move, observing every little thing like there was something hidden. Kim kept up her diary, but it was more of a chore at this point. A lie. Nothing that she wrote in it was true. Fake crushes on boys and thoughts that she knew her mother would be happy to read.

It was her fault that they had so suddenly packed up and left their coastal town, forced into some small town in the Midwest where Susan was adamant that Kim's eyes couldn't wander. If only it was that easy.

Billie came into her life like a strong storm, a loud and angry thunderstorm that demanded attention. She picked at Kim constantly, like she wanted to see her break and crumble. She never did. She understood right away why Billie was so mouthy.

Billie was loud laughs, strong cigarette smoke and bright red lips. She was short and curvy with strong blonde curls. Her blue eyes were always inquisitive, icy as she looked at everyone like they were hiding someone. Kim feared she could see right through her.

She supposed that Billie was every guy's wet dream, as she truly did have a date with a new guy by the end of the week. Billie had offered to set Kim up with a few of them on multiple occasions, but Kim knew that they wouldn't end well. She would be far more interested in Billie than some strange guy.

Neil had mentioned on more than one occasion that Billie was the splitting image of her mother: same attitude and all. She felt like she didn't have to be observant to tell that Billie was uncomfortable around him, like she didn't quite know how to behave. She understood, she felt a similar way to her own mother anymore.

Billie was a bad influence Susan had said; that she should be avoided at all costs. Kim didn't really think Billie was that bad. Sure, she acted out and did things to purposely make people mad but she didn't think it was really her fault. Kim could only imagine what kind of person she would've turned into if she had been forced to live with Neil for so long.

Being closer in age, they were forced into one room together. Billie clearly resented it. Perhaps it was because she was so used to being an only child. Kim really didn't mind, for sure she was so used to sharing a room with Max anyways.

The issue came with Billie so open around it. It was like she had no shame, stripping down from her school clothes to put on her pajamas like Kim wasn't right there. It left her flushed, hot and nervous. Her mouth always went dry, her eyes wide as she froze on the spot.

It was wrong, so wrong but she was just curious. Billie was built better than most models and Kim was really just intrigued. She never looked for more than a split second, too ashamed and fearful at the thought of what Susan would do if she knew.

Billie's side of the room was the polar opposite of Kim's, full of bands that Susan considered to be devilish and lewd photos that she was unsure of how their parents approved of it in the first place.

Billie poked fun at Kim's side, full of frilly decorations and stuffed animals. Kim didn't really let it bother her. It was childish, but it was hers. The one spot that Susan had yet to sink her claws into. She'd even taken control of her little library, as if there was anything bad hidden away. Their once barely religious family had turned completely. She wasn't sure she could read one more story about a couple falling in love at bible camp. But that's what she would be doing during her summer break.

"Can you cover for me?" Billie asked as she turned from their shared makeshift vanity. Her hair was curled perfectly, her lips full and red as she gazed her blue eyes towards Kim.

She suddenly felt like it was hard to breathe, like cement blocks were placed over her chest as butterflies blossomed and flew inside of her stomach and chest. Her face burned as she swallowed a large lump, either a burst of nervous giggles or her own disgust at the feelings that filled her. She couldn't tell.

"Yeah," She whispered as she tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to bring herself back to the highlighted Bible on her lap and not at the way Billie's jeans clung to her hips like a second skin, "Sure." She felt the familar thump against her ribs, her heart beat increasing as Billie strutted towards her.

"You sure you don't want to come?" She asked as she chewed on her gum, resting a manicured hand on her hip as she drifted her icy blue eyes towards the book on Kim's lap, "You can always pray away your sins on Sunday like everyone else." She replied as she wrinkled her small nose up, the same way she did when Susan brought up her newfound faith. Like she could see right through them.

"I know," Kim mumbled as she drifted her eyes away, unable to hold eye contact with her for too long, "I just don't like parties." She replied as she shrugged her shoulders, sure that she would stick out like a sore thumb anyways. She didn't know enough people in this small town to even pretend like she had someone to talk to. Billie was the one that fit in, that had friends.

She knew that if she tagged along as Billie's shadow that she'd end up in the corner of the room, watching Billie make out with whichever guy had interested her that night. The whole time Kim would be confused, unsure of how Billie could prefer rough hands and chapped lips when there was always something softer. It was like there was something broken inside of her.

Not the mention that Susan would freak out if she caught whiff of that. Parties weren't allowed. Everything Kim did was in strong regulations. Any money she got, letters, friends she made; it all went to Susan first.

"Lame," Billie drew out as she lit up a cigarette, looking slightly bored as she tilted her head down towards Kim's crossed legs, "Have fun with your Bible study." She snorted before she headed towards the open window, leaving Kim to just slightly regret her decision.

Kim stared up at the little stars on her side of the ceiling, trying to will herself to fall asleep. She had never struggled to sleep before, but she was sure that being stuck inside of the house and to Susan's side had left her so bored that she could no longer bear to have her eyes shut.

She had tried counting sheep in her mind but had soon grown bored with the image of them. She had been close to a thousand before she decided to switch to cows, thinking that maybe she'd have an easier time with an animal she really liked.

Billie had returned an hour or two ago, Kim couldn't tell for sure. But she had smelt like weed and alcohol and her red lipstick had been smeared. Kim had rolled towards the wall, pretending to be asleep as she stripped from her clothes and makeup before she collapsed into her bed.

Her soft snores filled the room now, though she never really slept like she was comfortable. She always seemed tense, like she was ready to pop up at a moment's notice. Perhaps that's why Kim didn't notice her stirring.

"Was that someone at the door?" Billie's head snapped up suddenly, her voice raspy from sleep as she quickly sat at the edge of her bed. Even in the darkness, Kim could see how wide her eyes were as she stared at the door.

"What?" She asked as she began to sit up herself, suddenly a little freaked out with the way she had roused from her sleep. Kim stared at the doorknob, trying to determine if it had been twisting or not.

"Nothing," Billie settled back into her bed, but pulled her blankets tighter to her chest, "Just thought I heard something." She grumbled as she turned towards her side, but still looked unsure of herself.

Kim had been no stranger to Billie's odd habits at night. She always locked the bedroom door, sometimes even going as far to drag a dresser in front of it. She had forgotten about it more than once, tripping and banging her toes into the hard wood when she found herself needing to pee in the late hours.

"Do you need me to check for monsters?" She suggested a second later, thinking of how she used to do that to help Max feel better when they were left alone.

"Is that a joke, Mayfield?" Billie sat up on her elbow, her dark eyebrows furrowed together like she was being mocked. Kim stumbled for a moment, trying to think of how to fix what she had just said.

"No," She replied quickly, "I used to do it for Max all the time. To make her feel better." She added quickly, feeling like she was just digging herself a bigger hole. Billie clearly wasn't impressed.

"I'm not a child," She huffed as she turned away, mumbling to herself, "Ridiculous." She continued to grumble, like she couldn't believe Kim would suggest such a thing.

"I didn't mean it like that," She apologized underneath her breath, "I just meant that the scary movie freaked me out too." She tried to think of what would have Billie so rattled, but she couldn't come to a straight conclusion.

"The one we watched this last weekend?" Billie's voice sounded distant, far away as she continued to face the wall. Kim linked her fingers together over her stomach, feeling like it was nice to really talk to someone.

"It was really scary." She admitted, a shiver racing up her back as she thought about it. She pictured the scary image of the monster, just as Billie snorted.

"I didn't know you were such a wimp." She added playfully, making a small grin form on the redhead's lips. She was a wimp, far more than Billie realized.

"Monsters are terrifying." She replied in defense of herself as she wiggled her toes underneath the blanket, ensuring that they were secured and hidden away from anything that might try and crawl underneath her bed.

"They're not real," Billie's voice was gruff, rough and angry around the edges, "People are the scary ones." She said a second later, leaving Kim to sigh deeply. She was right, but she didn't need Kim to agree with her to know that.

The bike ride to the ice cream shop was long and hot, leaving her with a fair amount of sweat against the back of her neck. Her hair clung to it, soaking into her skin as her legs ached from the movements. She'd given up trying to ask her mom or Neil to teach her how to drive. It was clear that neither one wanted to do it.

The mall was busy, full of families and people meeting with crowds of friends. Kim was doing neither of those things. She had other plans.

Steve Harrington wasn't a friend, but he wasn't a stranger either. He was just sort of there, extra nice with her but not in a way to get into her pants. It was a way to get closer to Billie, but she didn't mind. She was using him in a similar manner.

She had heard the rumors at school, spreading like wildfire that she had some big crush on him. It had been Eddie Munsons fault, as he had accidentally bumped into her and sent her drawings through the hallway. Full of Steve. Not because she liked him, but because she thought his eyes were pretty. Unique. That was it. But everyone else ran with what they thought the truth was.

She didn't like the hair that grew on his chest or the muscles in his arms. She didn't like the smell of him after gym class or the muscles on his arms. None of that interested her.

She was more interested in the brunette he worked with. Robin. Tall and with pretty blue eyes and lots of freckles across her cheeks. She was so awkward around her that she almost felt like she had a chance. Almost. She always reminded herself that it was pointless at the end of the day. Robin would never be interested in someone like her, and she would never let herself branch that far out. Not when Susan was so suspicious. It was too risky.

She supposed she was lonely, but she embraced it at this point. It was easier to keep to herself than chance someone getting close enough to figure out what was wrong with her. She sometimes feared what Susan would do if she finally told Neil. She'd seen the way Neil had punished Billie before. She didn't want that.

"Where did you go?" Susan asked, her voice clipped as she rested a hand against the counter once Kim returned. The room suddenly felt dark, cold despite the hot sun shining in through the curtains.

"The mall." She answered softly, "I met Chrissy, you know. She's dating the preacher's son, Jason." She added quickly, lying but it wasn't like Susan would really pester for more information. Everything she repeated was exactly what her mother wanted to hear.

"What did you two do?" Susan asked as she raised an eyebrow, far from bearing the loving grin that she used to hold for her oldest daughter. Kim paused as Billie walked in, her skin golden from how long she'd been out in the sun today.

"We got ice cream," She added slowly, resisting the urge to tug on her hair. Susan got irritated when she did that anymore, "I saw Steve. I told you about him." She whispered out the last part, trying to hide that from Billie. She was fairly certain they had a thing for one another. But Steve had been her safety line for some time now, even if he didn't know it.

"Anything happen with Steve?" Susan asked, suddenly sounding a little happier. Like she was proud of Kim for once. Billie turned suddenly from the sandwich she had just finished making.

"Steve?" Billie asked with a mouth full of the bite she'd just taken, "As in Steve Harrington?" She asked as she roughly swallowed, seeking clarification as Kim felt her entire body wince and begin to shut down. She'd heard Billie talk about Steve before but didn't think it was anything too serious. She always had a variety of boyfriends that she ran through. She didn't think he would be any different.

"Yeah," Susan smiled brightly, "That's the boy Kim has been talking to. Isn't that nice?" She indeed sounded chipper, despite the fact that Billie was continuing to eat and speak at the same time. Kim looked anywhere else, recognizing the angry look that Billie was sending her.

"Mhm," She responded with narrowed eyes, "Very nice." Her tone was short and angry, letting Kim know that she had indeed crossed some line. She was screwed. Billie would tell Steve and then everyone would know the truth. Kim would be an outcast. She wished she had a way to speak to her father, feeling like he would have some way to fix this mess.

Susan picked up the mail that she had been holding, leaving without another word. She still couldn't look Kim in the eye, as if she just knew. Fresh guilt and shame spread through Kim, realizing she wasn't doing a good enough job. She needed to play up to the part.

"So, are we going to talk about this?" Billie asked roughly once Susan was gone, her eyebrows knitting tightly together as she stepped forward. Kim took a step back despite their height difference.

"About what?" Kim played dumb, blinking her eyes slowly at the way Billie approached her. The infuriation was obvious, moving around her like deep waves as she took a large step forward.

"That you're going after my boyfriend," She said angrily as she pointed at Kim's chest, "Not fucking cool." Kim thought of the best way to defend herself but decided that bringing up Billie's previous relationships was not the way to go. Even if Kim was interested in Steve, she was playing a losing battle. He had no interest in her.

"It's not like that," She spit out quickly, but quietly enough that Susan couldn't overhear, "I swear. I wouldn't do that to you." She pleaded with her, almost thinking it was hilarious that she was getting wrapped up into some fight with a boy. A boy she had no interest in.

"Everyone talks about how you have a crush on him," Billie answered angrily, "Well back off. He's mine." She squared up her shoulders as if to make herself taller, her features wrinkled together in anger. Kim suddenly wondered what it was like to feel for a boy so fiercely. She never would.

"I don't like him like that," Kim squeaked out, "It's just dumb rumors." She began to tug at her hair, trying to keep her movements soft so she didn't nervously tear out chunks again this time. It wasn't that big of a deal.

"Bullshit," She heaved in angry, "Just stay away from me. And from him. Or else." She warned, eyes flashing in anger before she stomped towards their shared room. Kim winced at the sound of the door shutting, feeling like she was being suffocated. The walls were caving in on her, the dirt filling her lungs and all she could do was lay there.

She didn't go to the ice cream shop again, too fearful of what Susan or Billie would do if either of them found out the real reason she hung around there. There was no place for her to go.

The couch sang her a lullaby that night, better to take the odd aches in her body than deal with Billie's wrath. She didn't come out for dinner either, probably wishing that she had never gained a sister in the first place.

Her sour attitude didn't do anything to stop her from inviting some guy over, someone that seemed older based on his heavy footsteps and slow strides. Kim lost herself into empty dreams, glad to wander in vacancy rather than to listen to the sounds of Billie and her stranger.

"Kim," A rough voice made her eyes snap open, clearly recognizing the irritation as Neil shook her shoulder roughly. He had never grown accustomed to a fatherly touch, "Get up. Go to your room." His voice was gruff, his hair messier than usual as she found herself scrambling to sit up.

She blinked tiredly at the clock, wondering if he'd also heard Billie's visitor in these early hours. Though she couldn't erase the bitter feeling that filled her as he placed his hand against her back, just a little too low as he guided her back to her room. Something felt off. But she was still half asleep, it was probably nothing.

His hand lingered for just a moment too long before he walked away, leaving her to the door that was oddly opened. The door was unlocked, wide open. Billie never left it like that.

She was curled up against the wall, hidden beneath blankets and pillows in an unusual manner. Kim quickly shut the door behind her, pressing the lock into place before she strutted forward, sure that she heard sniffles.

Something had gone wrong, but Kim couldn't exactly place her finger on it. It was odd and filled her with chills, a sharp tension that she didn't know how to connect the dots. Perhaps, Billie had her own secrets. Something darker that Kim wasn't sure she wanted to know.

She picked up a stuffed cow from the corner of her bed, the one that she curled up to most often. She wasn't sure what Billie liked for comfort, but Kim knew what she would've wanted.

She gently leaned over Billie's curled form, not missing the way her entire body tensed from her motions. Her hair was messy, her pajamas roughly grabbed at. It made Kim feel sick as she gently dropped the cow down next to Billie's clenched fists.

She didn't say anything else, giving Billie the space that she needed as she crawled back into her own bed. She began to wonder if Neil had heard, if he had come in and punished her for having someone over. She hoped not.

"Thanks." Billie's voice was clipped, but not harsh. She seemed to relax a little, adjusting to the gift that had been brought to her. Kim observed, listening to the way she sniffled once again.

"No problem," She whispered softly, still wondering if someone might hear them, "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked as she sat up on her elbow as Billie slowly turned towards her.

Her cheeks were reddened, eyes glazed over as tears stained at her skin. A sinking feeling filled Kim, making her wonder what could have made Billie so upset. She'd never seen her cry like this before, never seen her sink into such a small form before.

"I hate my mom," She spit out at last, voice thick from the rush of tears that came forth once again, "I hate how she just left. That she made me look like this and left me to deal with it. I hate her." Kim believed it too, based on the harsh tone that filled the room.

Absentee parents hadn't been a topic of discussion between them before, but Kim could relate. In a whole different way. Her father was gone too, but she missed him despite what Susan hated about him. She thought that she'd be happier if she was with him. Because it was like he had always known and not cared. But he had his own demons to work with.

Billie's statements were worrisome, sinister. It made her think of the way Neil had found her, of his demeanor and his touch that lingered too long. No. She stopped her thoughts before they got too far, knowing it was too gruesome to think about. It couldn't be true.

"I'm really sorry," She told her honestly, wishing she had a better way to comfort her, "She's missing out. You're really cool." She added a second later, earning a snort from the blonde across the room.

"Can I lay with you?" The questioned surprised her, made her eyes widen but she nodded her head in agreement. It was nothing serious, just sharing a bed. Like she might still share a bed with Max. But her heart didn't get the memo.

Billie dragged the stuffed animal and her feet towards Kim, sighing as she collapsed into the bed. Kim shifted the blankets towards them, ignoring the way her face burned and her heart thumped. She'd never been this close to a girl before. Not like this. She suddenly feared that she'd get sick.

Billie's breath smelt of mint as she exhaled deeply, her blue eyes flashing likes starlight as she rested her cheek onto the pillow. It was funny how all of her features were soft and gentle when her personality was so strong and sharp. Kim was the opposite. She was like a doormat, pliable and soft where her body was sharp and scrawny. Opposites.

"I'm sorry about Steve," Kim whispered into the night as they faced one another, "I really don't like him." She told her truthfully, feeling like it was okay to share the truth. Not the whole truth, but just enough.

"What's not to like?" Billie tilted her head as she sat up on the shared pillow a bit, wrinkling her eyebrows together curiously. Kim could see her freckles from this distance, could make out the tan lines on her shoulders. She kept wishing that she could touch her, just enough to marvel at how their smooth skin felt against one another.

"He has a hairy chest," She admitted, features crinkling up nervously at the way Billie laughed in response, "I don't like it." She replied as she wrinkled up her nose, thinking about how sweaty and wet it must get.

"You will once you actually get with a guy," She retorted with a snort, "Trust me. It's fun watching them get all stupid for you." Kim paused for the longest time, knowing she wouldn't ever really understand that. She felt saddened, knowing that she'd likely be on her own for a long, long time.

"I guess."

"I'm not really dating Steve," Billie told her softly, "I don't even really like him like that. He's sort of bothersome." She shifted a little closer as she rested an arm underneath the pillow. She had muscles too, but Kim thought that they looked different. They weren't obnoxious and arrogant. They were just a part of her.

"He is?" Kim tilted her head, thinking about how the girls at school had once spoke about him. She supposed he had changed some, but Billie seemed quite sure of it as she nodded her head along.

"He's always trying to ask me out," She sighed dramatically, "It's tiresome." She dropped her head playfully, blonde curls dusting across the sheets and on Kim's hand. She liked the way her hair felt.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Kim said softly as she began to absentmindedly twist a curl around her finger. Billie hummed softly, like she didn't mind as Kim continued her motions.

"I just didn't want you to have him," Billie confessed, "It just felt wrong." Her words drifted off of her tongue in a sweet manner, making Kim's eyes widen at her words. It shouldn't make her heart thump in such a way, but it did.

Kim drifted her eyes across Billie's features, wishing that she could read her better. She didn't know if there was something hidden, wisped away that she needed to search for. It was odd. Why would she not want her to like Steve?

"It always feels wrong." Kim spoke her peace at last, fear growing in her stomach as she grew paranoid that Billie would see right through her. She had practically left herself split open. It was worrisome.

"It does," Billie agreed softly, "I don't think I can ever really let a guy love me. Do you know what I mean?" She asked as she blinked her blue eyes slowly, like she was worried Kim would think of something bad. She didn't. She knew that her reasons were completely different. Men wanted Billie for one thing.

"They suck."

"They do," Billie giggled softly, a sound that made butterflies sweep through Kim's veins and bones. It was a nice sound, something she wanted to hear more of, "Why are you so afraid?" She asked quietly, eyes narrowing like she was trying to read through Kim.

"I don't think my mom likes who I am," Kim breathed out the truth, feeling like the weights inside of her were slowly lifted. Billie was probably a bad person to confess to, but she was the only one asking. It felt nice to feel like she could speak to someone else, even if she felt like she was going to break down, "I don't think many people do."

"I do," Billie declared with a soft smile, her full lips pressing together smoothly, "You're not all that bad." She replied softly, leaving Kim sure that she would change her mind if she knew the truth.

The weeks weren't as bitter and slow as her friendship with Billie slowly bloomed. She was funny and had a kind heart whether she wanted to show it or not. Kim still refused to drink or smoke, despite the way Billie would nitpick and tease at her. It didn't matter. Kim wouldn't do it, not when Susan could so easily find out.

"I've never kissed anyone." Kim admitted that night as she laid on the floor, watching the way Billie slowly painted her nails. Red. She'd never had red nails before. She wondered if Susan would say something about it.

They'd tried to invite Max to join them, but according to the younger girl she couldn't be bothered with such trivial things. She was having her own sleepover with Jane in the room down the hall anyways.

"Why?" Billie asked, "You're pretty. I heard that Tommy has a solid crush on you." She added as she hummed, leaning down to blow on the drying paint.

All Kim could do was stare. Billie thought that she was pretty? That Kim was pretty? She barely registered anything about Tommy, too focused on how Billie thought that she was pretty. She giggled, too loud and too nervously but she giggled. And it had nothing to do with Tommy.

"He has a girlfriend." She replied as she cleared her throat, sure that her face was as red as the color on her nails. Billie's gaze was warm despite the cold blue in her eyes. It left a soft feeling in Kim's gut.

"Tell that to him," She laughed, "You never accept any of the dates I set up. It's kind of rude. Are you trying to be a nun?" She furrowed her eyebrows together as she rested her chin on her fingers.

"Excuse me?" Kim blinked slowly, surprised at the suggestion. She did not want to be a nun. She could care less if she went to another church service or bible study. She only did it because she had to.

"That's why you're never with any guys!" Billie shouted out as she pointed at Kim, like she had it all figured out, "You want to be a nun." She snapped her fingers together like she had solved it, like it was all that easy.

"I'm not trying to be a nun!" Kim protested as she sat up, flabbergasted as her face burned in humiliation. Did she really think that of her?

"Then what is it?" Billie sat up in confusion, crossing her legs as her tiny shorts clung to her thick thighs. Kim felt her eye twitch as she turned away, trying to ignore the feeling that was burning inside of her chest.

"Nothing," Kim breathed out, "It's nothing." She said at last as she began to play with her hair, breathing in deeply before she exhaled in the same manner. She wasn't going to break down. Not right now.

"Oh." Billie's voice was soft, understanding and smooth. Kim snapped her head towards her, her heart stopping at the way Billie's lips parted in understanding.

"What?" She asked hesitantly, her voice shaking as she felt like the walls were caving in around her. It was suddenly hard for her to breath, to think, to move. Billie knew.

"You don't like boys." She stated at last, making the floor underneath Kim slip free. She felt like she was falling, crashing through darkness and uncertainty as she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in the back of her throat.

"I do," She spit out, blinking roughly as she tried to keep her tears at bay, "I just- I-," She stalled as no excuse came forth. She was ripped apart, laid open like a book. Billie knew everything.

She waited for her to yell, to her disgust to form in the same way Susan's had. She waited for Billie to shove her off, to tell her to never touch her things and that she was revolting.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry," Billie mumbled as she shifted forward, moving her hands to the side of Kim's face. She sniffled as she shook her head, not wanting to see the rejection on Billie's features, "You said boys suck. It makes sense."

"I'm broken." She hiccupped out between her sobs, feeling like there had to be a piece of her that was missing. Perhaps she just hadn't met the right person yet. Guy. She hadn't met the right guy yet. That was it.

"I don't think so," Billie replied softly as she brushed her tears away, "You already admitted that boys suck. I just wasn't listening." She continued to speak smoothly, like it was something simple. Kim shook her head, knowing it wasn't easy. She'd be labeled as a freak, shunned and hidden away.

"You can't tell my mom." She pleaded desperately, sure that she couldn't handle Susan's claws sinking into her any deeper. The thought made her sick. Billie looked at her surprised, almost as if she was offended.

"I'm sorry, Kim," She breathed out softly, "You don't deserve to be treated like that." She continued to brush her thumbs across Kim's damp cheek, making her lean into her. It was wrong.

"She just wants the best for me." Kim whispered underneath her breath, thinking of how desperately she missed her mom's warm gaze and loving arms. She didn't touch her the same way, could barely look her in the eye. She was just trying to fix her daughter, to make her whole again. Kim just needed to try better.

"For her." Billie clarified strongly as Kim slowly drifted her eyes up towards her. Her features were softly, eyes kind and gentle as her thumb continued to brush against her skin. It felt nice, sweet. It sent jolts through her body. Like it was meant to be.

Billie leaned forward, still smelling of mint and cigarettes as her nose brushed against Kim's. It was soft and sweet, smooth. Their breath mingled together as Kim felt everything shutting down, her mind and heart only focusing on what it was like to have Billie so close.

Their lips met softly, slightly awkwardly as Kim continued to freeze in her spot. She could taste Billie's red lipstick, the drag of her last smoke and the gum that she had previously chewed. The drag of her lips was sweet and blissful, exactly what she had imagined. Billie's lips felt like cotton candy, like a cloud.

She bent down, giving Billie better access to her mouth as their lips moved together in a frenzy. She tried not to focus on the way her mouth moved awkwardly against Billie's. She'd never done this before and feared that Billie would be able to easily tell.

The back of her knees hit her mattress before she fell back, gasping as the pillows and stuffed animals bounced around them and onto the floor. Billie grinned; her red lipstick smeared as she pulled away.

Kim brought up her fingers to her lips, touching gently to confirm that had just happened. Billie's eyes watched her curiously, taking in every little movement like she was just as enchanted.

"Kim," Billie mumbled softly, her voice raspy as she dragged her red fingernails against Kim's freckled skin, "I want to taste you." She whispered out, making Kim's eyes widen in surprise.

"What?" Kim asked as Billie's lips turned into a grin. She felt like she was dreaming. She was in a haze.

"Your pussy," She said with a laugh, her cheeks a little warm as her nose brushed against Kim's, "Can I?" She mumbled, asking so sweetly that it made her insides twist and churn.

"Yeah," Kim breathed out, nearly forgetting how to use her lungs as Billie's fingers drifted across her sides, "Sure." She didn't know what else to say, still fairly certain that she would wake up. Perhaps she needed to pinch herself.

"You sound excited," Billie teased as she began to strip Kim down, taking her time as if she was opening a present, "You're so pretty, Kimmy."

"Thank you," She whispered hoarsely, not used to being so spread out and examined before, "You are too." She mumbled shyly, fully meaning it. Billie was stunning. The prettiest girl she'd ever seen.

Billie nudged her fingers against Kim's chin again, softly touching her as she brought their mouths against one another's again. Kim felt less reserved this time, more excited as she dragged her lips against Billie's.

She still tasted of cigarette smoke and mint, a little bitter but something sweet remained on her tongue too. Kim felt the need to taste her more, to explore as she slid her tongue slowly against Billie's.

She moaned, falling like putty against Kim as her thighs slid against the back of Kim's. Her hands were everywhere then, gripping at Kim's hips before she fell to her boobs. She moaned against Billie's touch, her clit beginning to ache from the sensation.

Billie's look was intoxicating as she pulled away, dangerous as she began to pepper kisses down Kim's skin. She was sure that she'd be covered in red when this was over, but she didn't care. She wanted Billie to mark her, to ruin her so she could remember it later.

Her head fell back as Billie's mouth fell against Kim's pink nipple, taking languid licks before she wrapped her lips around her. She fisted her hands into the sheets, trying to keep herself grounded as she rolled her hips up towards Billie's.

"Dirty girl," Billie mumbled, making Kim cry out as she bit down on the sensitive bud, "Shh. S'okay. I got you." She promised, making her quickly nod along as her lips moved down further.

Kim pulled Billie's blonde hair out of the way, thinking that it was just as soft as what she thought it would be. She didn't want to miss Billie's expressions or the look in her eye as she shoved Kim's knees further apart.

Billie drifted her fingers through the soft tuft of red hair, right near Kim's pussy. Kim felt her heart lurch in her chest, still in deniable that this was happening. This had to be a dream. A really good one. She'd have to pray her thoughts away later.

The first drag of Billie's tongue against Kim's pussy left her head being tossed back into the pillows, her eyes shutting tightly as her lips parted in bliss. She couldn't be too loud in fear of their parents hearing, but it felt that good.

Billie moved slowly, like she was slightly unsure as her tongue licked and prodded across Kim's clit and folds. It all felt incredible, life changing as Kim's hips slowly rocked forward. Her chest felt heavy as she knitted her fingers through the blonde curls.

Billie moaned from between her legs, sparking vibrations through Kim's body from the sensation. Her tongued swirled around the little pink clit, pressing softly before she began to languidly flick the tip of her tongue against it. Kim felt her hips arch off of the bed, her eyes hazy as waves of pleasure crashed through her.

Billie's tongue was everywhere suddenly, deep within Kim's slick hole; spreading her open as she dug her nails into her skin. It hurt just a bit, but it mainly felt good. Incredible. Everything was incredible.

"Billie," She whispered as she rocked her hips forward, Billie's nose pressing up against her clit as she continued to stroke her tongue across Kim's smooth walls, "God. Oh God." She couldn't say anything else, not when it felt like she was praying to the blonde between her legs.

The pleasure was intense, burning deeply as Billie kept the same movements. It made Kim's chest seize, the air freeze within her lungs as her high crashed over her. She came with a loud cry, quickly silencing herself by biting down on her hand.

She had never been so close to heaven before. And had no time to process that she'd just kissed a girl, let a girl eat her out. She couldn't focus on that it was her stepsister, that their parents were married. None of that mattered. Not when Billy licked her pussy clean, not when she crawled over Kim's body, her lips and chin still slick with Kim's cum.

She was silent as she kissed Kim again, stealing what was left in her lungs as Kim met her lips in desperation. She felt her mind disconnect as she let her hands wander, spreading across Billie's curves and feeling her for herself.

Billie sat up a bit, straddling Kim's narrow hips as she slowly rolled her hips forward. She smirked at the way Kim moaned, at the way her fingers fell to her flesh as Billie began to strip herself down.

Kim watched in fascination; eyes wide as she took in Billie's beautiful curves. She was toned but smooth, tanned as she moved her palms playfully over her bigger boobs.

"Can I-," Kim cut herself off, unsure if that was the right thing to ask at the moment. Billie giggled like it was silly as she moved Kim's slender fingers up towards her chest, letting her cup her tits as she leaned forward, "Oh." She exhaled, feeling like everything had suddenly clicked into place.

She leaned up, brushing her lips across Billie's neck before she moved down to her pretty nipples. She captured one between her lips, sucking and licking in the same manner that Billie had done to her. She continued to rock her hips against Kim, breathless moans falling free from her movements. It sent shivers down her body as Billie traced her fingers through Kim's red hair, gripping softly as she yanked her head back.

"Touch me, please touch me," Billie begged as she moved Kim's hand down between her legs, grinding her slick cunt frantically against Kim's long fingers, "Right there. Oh God." She whimpered, keeping a firm grasp on her wrist as she continued to move with need.

Kim stared at the way Billie's features tightened in pleasure, in the way the moans rolled off of her tongue. Kim glanced down at Billie's pussy, at the slick feeling that stuck to her fingertips as she continued to drag them across in the same manner. It was heaven. This was as close to heaven as she would ever get.

"Kim," Billie breathed against the side of her cheek, sounding breathless as she rocked her hips forward desperately. She was dripping, her wetness gliding onto Kim's smooth skin, "Fuck!" She cried out suddenly, her body trembling as she came.

She was pretty, like a goddess. Kim was certain she'd never see such a stunning image again. Her tanned cheeks were flushed, red lips smeared and swollen. Her eyelashes were long as she blinked slowly, opening them to look down at Kim with a hazy expression.

Nothing would ever go back to normal.

Three summers had passed since then, three blissful years of stolen kisses and secret hand holding. Fate had brought them back to California, whisked away in her father's spare bedroom apartment. They were away from danger, that was all that mattered.

"Isn't that cute?" Kim asked as she held her fingers against her forehead, blocking the sun as she looked up towards the stuffed animals that were hanging up. She was staring at the biggest one, always having a weak spot for stuffed animals.

"I could win that easily." Billie commented as she rested her hand on her hip, looking up at the giant stuffed shark that was hanging from the reward stand.

"You should try at the end," Kim reasoned as she kept their arms linked together while she gazed up at it, "After we go on all the rides and stuff." She tried to reason with her girlfriend, thinking that it would be more practical that way. She didn't want to spend another day at the fair tugging around a giant stuffed animal with them. Their room was slowly but surely becoming overwhelmed with them.

"Someone might take it by then," Billie mumbled as she tilted her head, bearing that competitive look that she got, "C'mon." She trudged her towards the line, gripping her hand tightly. Kim supposed that most people just suspected they were good friends, but little did they really know.

"I was just teasing," Kim reasoned as she tucked her hair behind her ear, "I don't really need a giant stuffed shark." She tried to reason again, but Billie quickly shook her head no in determination.

"Don't spend all of your money," Kim said quickly as Billie slammed her dollar down, then began to stretch out her arms, "It's just a little stuffed animal. Really. But do your best." She added a second later, already swayed on how cute the shark looked.

"Mhm," Billie grinned as she looked back at the taller girl, her red lips pressed together, "You might want to take a step back." She added, raising her eyebrows for a second before she picked up the dart. Kim smiled but did what she had asked.

Billie didn't just win the shark, but several other stuffed animals that they had to trudge along with. They had a pile of them wherever they went, whether it was on the Ferris Wheel or trying to find a spot at the busy tables as they shared pieces of cotton candy and corn dogs.

Kim wasn't broken, nor did she feel incomplete. She was whole. Billie was her other half, the better part of her. They had managed to make their own life with one another, even if it had meant losing some of their family members. It didn't really matter in the long run. Not when they had one another.

[mediocre--writing]

i know we always talk about billy easily submitting to his dad but imagine this:

-

neil is charismatic, that must be where billy gets it, because he has the whole town fooled. nobody sees the demonic beast hiding under human flesh.

neil knows all the neighbors by name. he treats the custodian as he treats his boss. he offers help to old ladies with groceries and helps them cross the street.

people wonder why billy seems to glare at his father and disobey him so often; for how good a man neil is, it’s astonishing how resentful billy is of him.

billy will snark back in public, blatantly roll his eyes, flip him the bird when he’s not looking (and leave it up long enough for him to see when he turns).

the party thinks he’s an asshole who hates everyone. steve can’t believe the amount of disrespect he gives his dad. nancy and jonathan are floored at the vulgar words he speaks about him with, how he talks about him to his face.

max is more sympathetic than ever. how neil is so well known and widely liked by the people of hawkins and how nobody would ever even begin to believe a word of the truth billy could tell.

it’s almost like there’s nothing to be done. because as awful as neil is, there’s some days when billy won’t shut his mouth. and it gets him into trouble.

he’s spiteful and vindictive and vulgar when they shout at each other, but once billy is shoved against the wall, it’s a 50/50 chance he’s gonna fight back.

some days he can’t be bothered. is sick and tired of his own life, he lets the one ‘warning’ hit be enough.

other days he shoves back. he always gets shoved harder after. he’ll rile neil up to the point of maximum damage, but it’s so easy to get him angry it’s almost funny.

billy wishes, every time he gets hit, that some random townsperson would just walk into their living room. or kitchen. or billy’s bedroom. or, on one occasion, their back yard.

nobody sees billy hargrove: victim of abuse. they see billy hargrove: hates the nicest man in town. it’s ridiculous and billy can’t stand it.

he’s almost 18 now. he’s sick of hawkins and ready to leave and go anywhere but where his dad is.

but he wants one last joyride on the anger express. maybe ruin a reputation in the process.

so he acts out one day, while they’re walking down the sidewalk from a store max and susan had wanted to look at before grocery shopping.

billy knows how to get under neil’s skin. it’s one of the things he prides himself in knowing well.

he makes an off handed comment about how shitty it is that he’s being dragged into family outings. “we aren’t even a family,” he’ll say.

neil will give him a look. one that says he’s gonna get it when they’re home. where nobody can see who neil really is.

then billy brings up his mother, how she was so much better than neil could ever be. “she made the right decision to leave you,” he snickers as he watches neil’s fists clench.

a myriad of comments follow. ones about how neil is gonna lose another wife. ones about how he still can’t get billy into place. ones about how awful it must be to enjoy hating children.

there’s one more thing that he’s depending on to be the final fuse to make neil explode, right in broad daylight. bringing in the one thing neil hates most in life: “it’s too bad you’ve got a faggot for a son, huh?” billy says, just loud enough to be almost heard by the old lady walking a few steps in front of them.

when neil’s mustache curls into a pained grimace, billy knows he’s won. knows that he’s got the upper hand of the situation, even if he’s gonna get hit for it.

knows, right when the name “william,” comes out, threatening as ever, that he has won.

so he adds fuel to the fire. “do you think red or pink lipstick would look better with my complexion?” just to see the extra line that forms above neil’s eyebrows.

neil stops walking. turns to look at billy. they’re still in the middle of the sidewalk, max and susan a few feet away, stopped as well. max looks like she wants the floor to swallow her whole.

“well, you know, when i become a drag queen, i’ll have to look good, right?” billy asks his father, and it’s like he’s lost control over his own mouth. “so what’ll it be, dad? pink or red?”

and maybe the alarm bells and flashing red lights in billy’s head should have stopped him from talking. maybe he should have let this grocery trip be about getting weekly groceries.

but something about how he could see his fathers breathing speed up and his face turn so pink it’s almost purple, it’s fun.

with the added addition of seeing some of max’s little friends leaving the theatre at that moment.

right when the boys notice max, neil lunges for billy.

the old lady that had been steps in front of them has turned to see what the thud behind her was, only to see neil holding billy by his collar and his neck, shoved against a brick wall, billy’s toes barely touching the floor.

for being in such a compromising position, billy shouldn’t look as smug as he does when the old lady drops her purse with a gasp or when he sees max’s friends’ faces contort with fear. or when he sees harrington exit the movie theatre as well.

it happens quickly, the fight. billy thinks his brain went black and acted on instinct, he doesn’t remember a thing.

but the bystanders see it all. how close neil leans in to sneer something in billy’s face. how billy laughs, then lifts a knee to hit neil where it hurts.

how he stumbles enough for billy to get on his own two feet.

there’s a quick moment where neither moves, then neil rams into billy, but billy keeps his balance well, planted feet and all, and shoved neil back.

within the next minute, they’re both on the floor and alternating who’s got the upper hand. they’re decently matched as opponents, but neil has the upper hand. he’s taken billy down so many times he knows just how to bring him down physically, like how billy can destroy neil with words.

max and susan are backed up another few yards, susan holding max behind her, but not saying a thing. both are too shocked. this has never happened in public.

the party are watching from across the road, and steve feels like he should do something, because neil just slammed billys head into the cement. and he can’t really tell from how far they are, but billy’s nose is sure to be broken.

“call hopper,” steve instructs the party as he moves to walk across the street.

dustin grabs his arm before he can move far. “billy beat you once before, and now there’s like two of him, steve!”

steve walks over anyway. billy had been straddling neil prior, pushing a finger into his shoulder, before being slammed back to the ground.

there’s many different slurs being spewed from neil’s mouth, many of which change steve’s perception of billy entirely, but that’s not important now.

steve gets to where susan and max are when neil gets a grip on billy’s dangly dagger earring and pulls until it rips out of billy’s ear.

susan is staring, horrified at the scene, and max has shoved her face into the pink cardigan her mother wore, peeking out every moment or so.

when she spots steve, she doesn’t feel relived like she hoped she might, she just feels worse. more people don’t need to be involved.

“max, the party’s over there if you wanna...” steve suggests, motioning over his shoulder where the boys are crowded around a pay phone.

max pulls susan along with her across the road, glancing back at steve, who doesn’t seem to know what to do either.

what is he supposed to do? it’s not like dustin was wrong, steve’s never won a fight on his own.

luckily, right as he sees neil stand up and literally stomp as hard as he could on billy’s elbow, backwards, he hears a siren.

sees hopper’s cruiser pull around the corner and feels like a weight is both equally being lifted off his chest and being pushed down heavier.

neil is standing above billy, a few scrapes and forming bruises, ruffled clothes and a tear in the polo he was wearing, but nothing more damaged than his ego.

billy, on the other hand, is laying face down on the concrete, elbow bending in a way that is not natural and half his face covered in blood from both his nose and his ear.

neil looks only mildly frightened by hoppers appearance, and something about it rests uneasy with steve.

steve feels like he’s having an out of body experience as things happen. like he’s only there to observe, which he kinda is, but it’s hazy.

susan comes back, along with the boys following a shaken up max.

another cop, steve thinks it’s callahan, tries to wake billy up, because at some point neil had rendered him unconscious.

neil looks calm while this happens. he has an almost proud air about him as he watches a man try to wake up his son that he’d beaten so bad, he’d passed out.

it makes steve sick.

it also makes steve wonder if this were a semi common occurrence.

billy is driven to the hospital, mostly because his nose is crooked, his ear is still bleeding, and his elbow is most definitely facing the wrong direction, but they also think he may have cracked a rib or two.

neil is driven off in a cop car, callahan’s, while hopper stays to take stories.

it’s news to steve when susan and max share that this has happened multiple times, just never to such a detrimental state.

max recalls the first time that she’d met billy, he’d been wearing a cast on his arm and refused to tell her how he broke it.

steve sees billy in his head. sees the bruises on billy’s back when they’d play shirts and skins and how he’d chalked it up to a childish fight or a fun night with a girl.

sees how billy would favor his left leg for two weeks during basketball, and only wear sweats, but steve had noticed bruising around his right ankle when he’d change his shoes.

sees how billy seems to have insanely good intuition to when people are behind him or when he’s in a crowded place, always on the lookout.

sees, not justification, but a reason behind the way billy acts.

steve can’t imagine, even if his dad was like neil hargrove, having enough nerve to hit him back. even speak rudely towards him.

he recalls all the times he’d seen billy talk shit about his dad or snark at him in public. now he sees them as acts of bravery and defiance from an abuser rather than impolite and hateful towards a parent.

billy’s been fighting this whole time. and he’s been on the right side of the fight.

[bird-in-a-cage]

Inspired by that prompt

012

It was August, 1986, when Billy was released. He didn’t have much. A bag of second hand clothes that had been donated to somewhere at some point, nothing of which had ever fit right or would have been anything he’d chosen to wear voluntarily. The keys to a basement apartment underneath a general store, two small windows up high near the ceiling the only natural light source. Basic furniture. Only enough to survive, nothing homely. A tracking bracelet around his ankle. A thick black box that weighed more than it looked, hidden by baggy jeans that were kept up by a belt he had to stab extra holes into.

It might have fit him properly last year. But that was last year.

He kept the letter they gave him pinned to the small refrigerator next to the sink. This apartment is owned by the US Government. You are not to leave Hawkins until we say you can under any circumstance. You are not to take off the tracking bracelet for any reason. You are to report in to the number below once every two weeks, same time and day. Failure to do these tasks will see you readmitted.

Neil’s abuse was fun in comparison to that possibility.

It had been a long year. The longest of Billy’s short life. A year of surgeries, rehabilitation, endless tests. Having his hair shaved off. Losing his muscle mass. Losing his tan. Being kept in rooms with no windows. Alone for weeks. Being stitched back together like a jigsaw puzzle made of skin. A sock with a hole in it. Being treated like an animal, an experiment. Being poked and prodded by miles of needles. Blood and plasma. Bone marrow. Lumbar punctures. Spinal fluid. Staring into bright lights for hours until he went temporarily blind. Patch worked with pads to listen to his brain. His heart. His lungs. His stomach. Every different face wearing the same masks, the same gowns, the same gloves. Never feeling anything real apart from pain.

Sometimes he still felt like a prisoner in his own body. What was left of it. What he didn’t recognise was his anymore. That thing still in his arm. In his head. Alone at night he would still hear it whisper. But it was different now. It had no power to control him. So Billy tried to ignore it. Just keep going somehow, this would get better eventually. If he did well in this test he’d be allowed a coke. If he did well in another he could sit next to a window. He could, and did, work his way out of the Building, away from being a lab rat directly.

He’d come out with 012 tattooed on his arm, just under the crook of his elbow. They must have done it when he was passed out at one point. Everything else about him had changed, it made sense there would be something new added as well in amongst the web of white scars that spanned his entire body. Thick like elm roots on his chest, the epicenter. Thin and fine on his arms and legs and the backs of his hands, a few up the back of his neck. He kept everything hidden under thick clothes. A donated Slazenger jacket became his best friend. Grey and waterproof. Sleeves that fell to his fingers. Old jeans that someone probably died in. Dirty white sneakers. Everything the opposite of who he was before. It felt right somehow. He wasn’t that person anymore. He’d never be that person again.

A government appointed talking person had advised Billy to take everything day by day. The world was very different from what was inside the Building and its grounds. The one tree outside to look at to guess what season it was. Doing too much at once would upset things. Getting drunk wasn’t an option. Getting high wasn’t an option. Working out wasn’t an option. Getting a job wasn’t an option. Walking was fine though, practically encouraged. Enough time had passed, there was a very low chance of being recognised. Legally he was dead. He should probably think of a new name for himself. The government would help with paperwork when he was deemed ready for phase three. It would pay for him to live, exist, in phase two.

Billy never saw her face. But she had a calm voice throughout. Hidden behind the two way mirror and through the phone that had no numbers to dial. No outside line. He liked to imagine she had green eyes. The closest thing he had to a friend, even though he never said more than yes or no in return.

It took two weeks before Billy went further than the store upstairs. Three weeks before he went more than two blocks. It was odd to feel a breeze again. Odd to feel a cold that didn’t come from within. Odd to feel hot from the sun. Odd to hear multiple voices and vehicles coming from everywhere. Odd to hear children. Odd to hear joy and laughter. 

Odd not to hear beeping white boxes, the crinkle of sanitised plastic casings being unwrapped and opened. Hollow footsteps on a tiled floor. Count back from ten. Nine. Eight. 

Hawkins didn’t look any different. It had the same amount of stop lights, stop signs. The same amount of parking spaces outside the diner and town hall. The same amount of benches in the park. The same playground equipment. The same graffiti under the slide. The same names scratched into the hard orange plastic, autographs of teenagers hiding out and getting high with their friends after dark. Billy thumbed over his own name. The night he and Harrington buried the hatchet over a joint and a half bottle of whiskey. Both hiding from home and wanting to just feel young and stupid again. Both tired of fighting.

That Billy had no idea what tiredness was.

Billy spent every day just walking. Retracing his steps over the whole town. Streets he used to drive down with abandon, screaming along to music or just screaming for the hell of it. Now he was ignoring how his lungs burnt when every step too far. Walking through pretty little neighbourhoods with white picket fences, perfect front yards. He felt like a ghost. No one looked at him twice. He really had died. There wasn’t a grave for him at the church. He didn’t expect there to be one, that required his family caring about him. They didn’t care before. Why would they care now he was the reason the fancy new mall ‘burnt down’?

The house was the same. At least from the outside on the other side of the street. 4819 Cherry Lane. The same broken steps. The same mailbox. The same windowed front porch. The same dead grass. The same dead trees. He could still be there but he couldn’t. Schrödinger’s Hargrove. A part of him wanted to go and knock on the door. Look through the windows. See what happened to his room. If any part of him and who he was still existed in those walls. The government wouldn’t like that though. He was dead. It was hard to accept it was better to stay dead. The box around his ankle felt heavier.

The centre of town was busier than the suburbs. Billy worked his way there last. Built up a tolerance for noise and engines and people over a few months. Step by step. Day by day. Getting used to being dead. Watched the stripmall from the other side of the parking lot. The auto repair shop he visited a lot for parts for his fallen camaro. God knows what they did with her. The arcade where he dropped Max off more than once. He tried not to think about her. About what could happen now he was gone. The broken great wall. He sat at the bus stop for a break. His lungs felt like they were about to tear open again. His chest was heavy and tight. Five minutes. Then he’d keep going. Keep carrying on. 

Keep fighting. 

A sharp scream dragged his head up from his sneaker laces. Two kids piled out of a BMW. A brown one that looked expensive. A shock of red hair that had been long but was now just short to shoulder length in a dramatic line. Jean shorts and a yellow t-shirt. A denim jacket. Billy’s denim jacket. The sleeves had been cut off. Someone had painted a skull smoking on the back panel. Probably the wearer herself. It wasn’t unlike Billy’s first tattoo. The one he used to have on his arm. The one they cut through and scars took over from both sides took over and removed.

Max. She’d screamed. But she didn’t look scared or worried or even sad. She was smiling from ear to ear. Sunglasses pushed into her hair. She looked taller. She’d screamed at a boy in a baseball hat. Billy vaguely recognised him from long ago, somewhere in the back of what was left of his old mind. He winced and made a show of fixing his ear with a finger. Probably complaining that Max was too loud. Billy had told her that before. When things were different. When he was different. When he was younger but old.

They both went to walk through the doors when the driver got out of the car. Harrington. Of course it was him. He looked exactly the same. Big mane of brunette hair effortlessly styled. Stupid mom jeans. He tossed forgotten backpacks at both of them. Sounded kind as he said he’d pick them both up in two hours so don’t be fucking around in there. He’d already been hat kid’s surrogate brother by all accounts, it looked like he just picked Max up too. Another lost duckling to add to his gaggle.

Watching them live out their lives made Billy feel even more in the ground. A part of him wanted to walk over, say hi, I’m not actually dead. But he knew that was a bad idea. The whole town had moved on by way of nothing changing. The mall had been brushed over. It was a building site now. All the people that Billy took, they had been forgotten too. Someone had planted a heather bush in the town square. She hadn’t been forgotten. But that was it. People just carried on. As if nothing ever happened. As if those people had never existed. As if Billy had never existed. Max clearly remembered him if her attire was anything to go by, but did anyone else? He didn’t expect to be remembered at all. But then he also wasn’t dead yet. But he was a memory now. Nothing more. Even though he was sat right there. The cold plastic of the bus stop bench sinking through his denim covered thighs.

Max smiled at Harrington. Really smiled. Said thanks and squeezed his arm before the two kids went inside, into all the noise and lights that even the thought of following made Billy panic. Not as much as fireworks did. Harrington yelled after them to not lose all their money and sunk back into his car. Watching it all was like watching tv. Billy couldn’t interact with any of it. His body wouldn’t let him. His mind wouldn’t let him. Stuck frozen on the bench. Stuck frozen in the past while the world moved on. Left him alone with his scars and memories and regrets and apologies to people who would never hear them.

He’d apologised to Max so many times in his head it wasn’t funny anymore. He had so many regrets they consumed him. Being alone for so long at the hands of the government, he longed to be out. To be given a second chance. He regretted not being nicer to Harrington. He was a good guy. Too good for this town. He regretted just not being an asshole to his sister. Wanted a chance to not treat her like some second class citizen. Their situation wasn’t her fault. He’d just been so blinded by rage and hate about things he couldn’t change he took it out on her. She didn’t deserve that.

It had just taken dying to truly realise it.

She needed someone to make sure she was okay, now stuck alone at Cherry Lane with no one to stop angry fists and hateful words. She had Harrington.

Harrington was better than Billy.

He watched the BMW drive away, the kids long inside. The scene resetting itself. Billy sighed shakily and got to his feet, rubbing over his chest where his heart ached behind inches of scar tissue inside and out. Starting to walk back to his basement.

It was better he was dead. Unmourned and forgotten. It's what he deserved.