#we get to see her vulnerable and insecure and ashamed

[the-daily-dreamer]

Great episode for my fellow Alicent enjoyers.

Apologizing to Aegon and holding him. Cupping Aemond’s cheek even through all the strife they’ve had recently. Protecting Helaena and running to save her. Conversing with Gwayne about Daeron and showing her vulnerability. Showing that she feels like a failure as a mother. Gwayne being the only person to tell her ‘I see you. You did what you could. You did your best’.

They’re showing all the love my girl has. She’s filled with it. But where can it go? Her love is broken. It’s sharp and cuts like glass, but it’s there and she tried.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Omg hey I woul like to request something ! Ken x Reader (male, if possible) where the reader teaches Ken about the real world and they're also very in love. Thank you very much !

When Ken returned to the Real World again, he had a vision similar to Barbie's--realizing his owner was nearby.

Instead of a child....it's you, an adult who (like Gloria) inadvertently projected your own insecurities onto him while looking at an unboxed Beach Ken doll in your attic.

When you were younger, you really wanted to play with it unlike other boys who had action figures and nerf guns...but you were sorta shamed into keeping it boxed, as your parents said it would be more "valuable" one day.

Similarly..Ken had been stuck in a box all his life, trapped in the role of Barbie's accessory until recently.

So there's an instant connection when you two meet.

To make a long story short, you're like "ohhh hey I guess I kinda fucked up your mental stability, bro...you wanna come over and we can talk about it, man-to-man?"

He was very eager to go with you and learn more about your world beyond all the patriarchy and toxic masculinity.

You tell him about using your "male privilege" for good, and one defining example was when a random woman taps him on the shoulder, looking terrified and almost in tears.

"H-Hi, um..this is gonna sound really awkward but can you two pretend to be my friends for a second? This guy has been following me-"

"Of course." You reassure her, before looking to the confused Ken and telling him to go along with it.

The creepy guy comes along and backs off when he sees you two standing there protecting this lady, and once he's gone, she thanks you with hugs before leaving.

"I think I did a good job." Ken turns to you for validation, eyes shimmering. "Was that good, [y/n]? I mean playing pretend is all I've ever done so-"

"Yep. You did great." You chuckle, patting his shoulder. "I'm glad she thought you were a safe person to approach."

He nods and is giddy the whole way back home, especially when you get into your car and show him the different mechanisms, with him clinging to every detail.

These life lessons you're teaching him, however, made him think back to the "Kendom"...and he admits to trying to reinvent patriarchy there and feels ashamed of how he treated the Barbies.

He didn't think he'd open up this quickly to you, considering he never had any "manly" talks with other Kens (besides beach-offs).

But besides you being his owner, there's something about you that just made him feel...secure enough to do so. Like he could tell you anything.

You listen and reassure him that acknowledging his mistakes was a great first step to unlearning those toxic mindsets.

With all of that finally hashed out, you decide to show him the simple pleasures of the real world. Like cooking, watching TV, playing video games, etc.

Just mundane things you regularly do, with Ken picking up on some of your habits/routines as well as having some independence of his own.

You two grow closer as a result over the next few weeks, and you began falling for him and his humor and his charming smiles-

Yeah, you're 100% smitten for this doll who crossed worlds to meet you.

But you're not sure if he felt (or even could feel) the same way, since he was made to love Barbie and was...clearly still getting over his "breakup" with her. So you left it be.

That changes when you show him some emotional movie where the lead male characters showed vulnerability (ie Good Will Hunting or Brokeback Mountain) and he unconsciously holds your hand as he stares at the screen, tears staining his cheeks.

While the credits roll, your heart melts as he looks at you with those pretty blue eyes, his watery smile persistent.

"Th-Thanks for showing me this, [y/n].."

"Of course, Ken. Now you know that us guys don't always have to pretend to be tough. We're allowed to have feelings." You rub your thumb across his knuckles, a sweet gesture which makes him blush.

On the subject of feelings, he realizes that the ones he has for you are...leaning more into romance than "bromance" (yeah you taught him that term and it's part of his vocabulary now).

He becomes uncharacteristically quiet when you ask him what's on his mind, before he leans in to kiss you on the cheek. Purely on impulse.

You're both flustered at what happened, yet he panics internally when you don't say anything, trying to get up to leave so you didn't see him cry over the stupid decision he made-

"Ken, it's okay." You take his hands, convincing him to sit back down. "I had no idea you swung that way, but I'm...actually glad."

"Glad? Y-You're not...mad or anything?" He sniffles.

"Of course not. I....was planning to come out of the closet sooner or later. I just didn't know when or how to bring it up, but....I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore, thank god."

"So...does this makes us boyfriend and g....boyfriend?"

"If you want it to be, sure. I wouldn't mind a handsome doll being the love of my life." You wink.

Ken mirrors your smile, relieved to know you reciprocated his feelings.

Then he gets stumped on something and his eyebrows furrow.

"Wait...what closet were you talking about?"

Oh boy.

You just chuckle and give him a kiss on the lips.

Falling in love with a Ken doll from Barbieland certainly wasn't on your bucket list....

But you're perfectly content with that.

[dollypopup]

"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"

I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.

Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.

I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.

And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.

Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.

Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.

Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.

And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.

And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?

Absolutely no one.

Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.

And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.

I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.

Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.

Because he saw her when she was invisible.

Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?

Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.

He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.

And he does.

[gingiesworld]

Obsessions (4/?)

Wanda Maximoff x Rogers Fem Reader

Warnings: Angst. Smut.

Taglist: @sytoran @ginnsbaker @lifespectator @gb12d @natashamaximoff-69 @wizardofstories

18+ MINORS DNI

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5 / Part 6

Y/N

I know this is completely stupid of me to write this apology instead of saying it to your face, but I hate who I am, who I've become. I broke my promise to you, many promises, silent and spoken. Hell, I don't even know who I am anymore. I have become someone who I don't even recognise because I wanted to be a part of the in crowd. I guess I was lying to myself and everyone and you especially.

I love you Y/N. I guess on some level I have always known about my feelings for you and I was scared. I didn't know how everyone would see me so I guess I projected my insecurities onto you and I can't say sorry enough. But I guess this is a start, along with leaving NYU. I don't know what I will do, but I just want to leave you be. I guess maybe one day we can be friends again. Just maybe.

Wanda Maximoff

Y/N read over the words on the page over and over again, she couldn't believe that Wanda was too much of a coward to not 9apologise face to face. So Y/N decided to march over to the Maximoff residence, knocking abruptly. Only waiting a brief moment until Wanda opened the door.

"Why?" Y/N questioned as she held the letter in her hand. "Why couldn't you just say all of that to my face?"

"I was ashamed." Wanda answered her weakly. "I abandoned you and I am still ashamed of all of the pain and hurt I have caused."

"I don't want your self pity Wanda." Y/N sneered as they pushed her up against the wall, Wanda held in a sigh at the close proximity. "I am done with this whole facade, if you loved me like you wrote, you wouldn't have made my life a living hell in high school."

"I know." She whispered, guilt and disappointment in her eyes as she closed them slightly. Allowing a sigh to escape her as Y/N rested their head on hers.

"I needed my friend Wanda. My best friend and she abandoned me when I needed her the most." Y/N whispered as her nose brushed Wanda's. "I need you Wanda." Wanda sighed as she felt Y/N's hand on her hips. "Is it just you here?" Wanda only nodded before Y/N kissed her roughly. Her tongue pushing passed Wanda's lips, causing her to let out a shaky moan. Y/N had let go of the letter as they lifted Wanda up and led her to her bedroom. Ridding her of her clothes and leaving her bare and vulnerable.

"I am going to ruin you." Y/N snarled as she hovered over her, taking her ear between her teeth before she squeezed Wanda's breast harshly, pinching and pulling at her nipple as she sucked and bit the other. Wanda's moans filled the room as Y/N soon slammed her fingers into Wanda's gaping hole. She let out a loud whimper as Y/N thrusted at a fast pace, Wanda's hands gripping the sheets tightly as she could feel herself reaching the edge.

"Why?" She whined when Y/N pulled her fingers away.

"Have you cum since the last time I edged you?" Y/N questioned as Wanda shook her head.

"Nothing could do it for me." Wanda admitted breathlessly. "No one else could do it for me."

"Beg for it." Y/N sneered as Wanda looked to the side. "Beg to cum." Y/N gripped Wanda's jaw, forcing her to look at her. "Beg."

"Please. I need it. I need you Y/N." Wanda pleaded as Y/N smirked, her other finger brushing along the inside of her thigh. "Please make me cum. Please."

Wanda was soon unexpectedly full as Y/N slammed three fingers in her soaked and aching core. Her body arching as Y/N added another finger, curling her fingers and grazing her g spot.

"Cum." Y/N ordered before Wanda fell over the edge, squirting all over her bed as Y/N kept on rubbing her clit. Mesmerised by the face of euphoric pleasure on Wanda's face.

That was the start of it, Y/N would take Wanda in the restroom at the diner, her own bed, even as her family was home. Y/N was driving around in her car when she came across Wanda who was walking home.

"Get in." Y/N told her as she pulled up beside her, Wanda had done as she was told and got in the passenger seat. Watching as Y/N drove in silence. Harshly squeezing Wanda's thigh as she drove to the overlook, the place where everyone goes to have sex or get high.

"Why are we here?" Wanda questioned as Y/N undone her leather jacket.

"Strip." Y/N ordered her as she removed her own clothes. Wanda moaned as she felt Y/N's hand between her bare thighs, their clothes scattered along the backseat as Wanda rode Y/N.

"I need more." Wanda whimpered as Y/N smirked.

"Work for it." Y/N sneered as she moved forward to bite her nipple, causing Wanda to inhale sharply. "Make yourself cum all over my cock." Wanda whimpered as Y/N's hands snaked her waist, subconsciously helping her movements.

"Fuck." Wanda bit her lip harshly as Y/N met her thrusts, enjoying the view of Wanda's breasts bouncing up and down as she reached her own high. Collapsing on Y/N who was fast enough to move her from their lap and back into the passenger seat. Wanda watched as Y/N got dressed again before handing Wanda her own clothes.

"What does this mean for us?" Wanda questioned as Y/N sucked in air through her teeth as she started the car.

"It means nothing to us." Y/N told her firmly. "There is no us."

"I'm seeing a therapist." Wanda told her confidently. "I'm trying to get myself better for you. For us."

"It's too fucking late Wanda!!" Y/N yelled as they remained at the overlook. "You abandoned me. You made my life hell. You left me to be the popular girl you have always craved to be. Wanting to hang with the fakes and the jocks while I was the one who made you feel welcome when you moved here."

"I'm sorry." Wanda whispered as Y/N started to drive.

"It's too little too late now Wanda." Y/N spat as she drove her home, the rest of the journey was spent in silence before Y/N had pulled up. "Go home Wanda. It's done. Whatever this is."

Wanda only nodded as she left the car, heading inside as her eyes stung with unshed tears. As the weeks went by, she noticed that Peggy was packing up the house, Y/N was helping with moving her own things into the Impala as Peggy had a sad look on her face. That was the last she saw of Y/N and Peggy in person. Only hearing from her mom that Peggy had moved back to England. Which left Y/N to move into her own apartment, only 30 minutes away from NYU.

Wanda found herself following Y/N on instagram, making a fake account as she looked at most of the pictures Y/N had posted. A lot of them seemed to be pictures of her art work, but one that really played on Wanda's heart strings, was Y/N and Christine Palmer, kissing as Y/N wrapped her arms around the red heads waist. The caption below reads, '6 month anniversary. I couldn't be happier and I can't wait to spend many more months and years with you.'

Wanda's heart broke, looking through other pictures of the two, seeing them smile lovingly at each other. Even a selfie as the two lay in bed, the covers only covering just above their bare chests.

Wanda knew in that moment that she had lost her chance with Y/N, but she refused to let her go.

[thesimpirediaries]

Could we please get general relationship headcanons for Erza, Juvia, and Mirajane? Thank you!

✍️: eeeeek the Fairy Tail girlies! *squeals* I love them all so much! Thank you so much for this request nonnie!

⚠️: gn!reader (reader is however you imagine them), relationship headcanons, subtle suggestiveness, headcanon format

word count: 1.08k

You’re in a relationship with…

🌀 protective girlfriend, through and through. You can hold your own, and she knows that; but she will still be very protective of you — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

🌀 you can talk to her about literally anything. She is one of the best listeners in the world. She won’t necessarily speak; she will wait until you’re done talking, and then she always knows just what to say.

🌀 she’s the type of girlfriend who’s effortlessly pretty – no matter what she’s wearing.

🌀 although she isn’t upfront or obvious about it, she loves going out on dates. Candle lit dinners, fancy restaurants, the chance to dress up — she’s still a woman at heart, and she loves romance. Woo her, just do it.

🌀 she can be awkward at times, too. Especially when it comes to intimacy. She’s not accustomed to it, so at first, you’ll have to take it slow with her. Kisses on the cheek and handholding will be about as far as you get at first. But, once she’s more comfortable, expect to be smothered with embraces — particularly in private. She’s not the biggest fan of PDA.

🌀 her kisses are especially soft. She kisses you as if you’re the most delicate, fragile, otherworldly entity on the planet. It’s not that she truly believes you’re fragile — she just adores you so much that she can’t help but be soft with you.

🌀 cake sample dates. Cake sample dates. Cake sample dates.

🌀 depending on how she’s feeling, she can be the big spoon or the little spoon. If she’s feeling vulnerable, or sad, or otherwise negative, she likes the feeling of your arms around her. She feels safe, protected and loved that way. But, if the roles are reversed, she’ll hold you in her arms until everything simply melts away and it’s just the two of you.

🌀 loves with her whole heart, body and soul. Rest assured, if you’re with Erza, you’ll never feel any inkling of doubt as to if she loves you or not.

You’re in a relationship with…

🌀 bakes for you. All the time.

🌀 Juvia is a lover — no matter the time or place. She will smother you with affection with no care as to who’s around.

🌀 she has multiple love languages; physical touch, gift giving, acts of service, etc. She falls hard, deep, and fast, and she’s not ashamed to show it.

🌀 will make you blush with how aggressive she is. (It’s a good kind of aggressive.)

🌀 love her, love her, love her. Juvia is exceptionally talented at expressing her love, but she is also exceptionally insecure. She needs reassurance, craves it even. Sometimes, she feels as though she’s not truly worthy of love, and that’s why you have to show her that she is.

🌀 kisses you like she’ll never get the chance to again.

🌀 stares at you. All the time. Heart eyes. Heart eyes. Heart eyes.

🌀 clingy, very clingy. She just loves being around you. She loves hearing your voice, your laugh; she loves seeing you smile. She loves feeling you right next to her, in front of her, or behind her. Just around her period.

🌀 a total little spoon. Hold her, she loves it.

🌀 a fan of hugs from behind; both giving and receiving.

🌀 take her on sweet little dates. Picnics, private dinners, home-cooked meals, etc. She eats it up.

🌀 loves to show you off. (Hint, hint: show her off too.)

🌀 forehead kisses. Forehead kisses. Forehead kisses.

🌀 she loves hand holding. Just hold her hand, or put your arm around her when you’re sitting together. Little physical acts of affection make her so happy.

🌀 legit wants to marry you. It’s her goal.

You’re in a relationship with…

🌀 literally sweet enough to give you a cavity.

🌀 her ideal date is sitting for a cup of steamy tea, swapping stories and fantasizing about the future.

🌀 high wifey energy. Will cook you dinner, make you lunchboxes, and is a huge fan of little domestic activities.

🌀 her kisses vary depending on the situation. Sometimes, they’re feather light and brief; but when it’s just the two of you, they’re deeply passionate and near endless.

🌀 she loves being the big spoon. Of course, she’s alright with being the little spoon, but she loves the feeling of your body in her arms and pressed tight against her. Even if you’re bigger than her.

🌀 showers you with compliments; an ultimate hype man. You’re wearing pajamas? You’re sexy. You’re dressed up? You’re more than sexy. You’re the sexiest thing alive.

🌀 she likes to sneak off with you. (Wink, wink.)

🌀 alone time is very important to her — but she also likes for the both of you to spend time in the guild.

🌀 hates when you go on S-Class missions; her biggest fear is losing you.

🌀 a doting girlfriend. She always checks in on you; makes sure you’re feeling okay, if you’ve eaten, and if you have even a tiny cut she will fix it up for you.

🌀 couple photoshoots.

🌀 literally the prettiest couple in the room; when you enter, no one is sure who to be jealous of.

🌀 exceptionally attentive and observant.

🌀 cuddles. Cuddles all the time. And cheek/forehead kisses.

🌀 you’re dating a model. Expect to witness countless people hit on her — she finds it attractive when you get jealous.

🌀 she’s also very prone to jealousy herself; if someone even looks at you she’s fuming.

🌀 very sweet, but when she gets angry, expect the silent treatment. She’s a professional at that.

🌀 couple’s spats are very rare between the two of you, though.

🌀 dreams of a cozy little house on the hilltop. She wants nothing more than to be a wife. Wife her.

🌀 family is very important to her. Family dinners, family holidays, family everything.

🌀 she always worries about others, so sometimes, she forgets to worry about/take care of herself. You’ll need to either remind her to do it or do it yourself.

��� super supportive girlfriend. No matter what dream you have, she will cheer for you and push you to reach it.

🌀 likes to surprise you with gifts and out-of-the-box date ideas (like, a candle-lit picnic atop a giant floating lily pad in the middle of a lake.)

🌀 massages. She loves to give massages.

🌀 matching outfits. She loves matching outfits. Please match with her.

These are just a few headcanons that came to mind upon reading this request (I may make another list of others), and I hope you all enjoyed them! If you like the way I write, please don’t hesitate to send in a request! They’re always open!

[railingsofsorrow]

still friends

summary: garcia and morgan know things.

pairing: s.reid x gn!reader

w.c: 1.1K

warnings: break-up talk; angst; insecurities; problems with attachment; longing; regrets; happy ending? read and find out; poorly edited.

A/N: funfact, this was supposed to be a small drabble.

[inspired by meant to be; ber, charlie oriain]

navi

masterpost

━━━━━━━━━━━━

“you really do love him, don't you?”

you're not used to being called out. all your life you masked your emotions with the skills of a performer. body behaviour and vulnerability wasn't something that walked side by side with you. you had total control of your surroundings, but mostly of the way your hands were placed, how fast you blinked and/or the tone of your voice.

vulnerability can be expressed in many ways. one of them is the way you react to certain things. do you yell? do you cry? do you stay quiet and shut down for a few days? do you seek help right away?

you were taught, from a very young age, that building up walls was a necessary means to ensure safety. they can't break you down if they don't know how to.

although, some days, you wish that it was different. what if you wore your heart on your sleeve? what if you said what you wanted to say instead of just abdicating of the things that made you fear but also made you feel alive?

it was a burden hanging onto your shoulders like a heavy luggage in a long trip — where would you dump it? could you get rid of it? would you want to get rid of it?

hard question. one you've always ignored.

and then, there is penelope garcia. who preaches she's nowhere as good in profiling as her team is, but she can read the silence and see beneath a forced smile from a mile away.

the mask that you walk around with? the inscrutable brick wall. penelope just crumbled it down with an axe. it turned into sand; it had always been sand. so thin that it dripped from your fingers like water.

you felt ashamed.

“i don't know what you're talking about.” you clear your throat, completely unprepared by that claim from your friend. the poor excuse escaping from your lips as easy as whatever emotion your eyes mirrored. for a split of second.

to penelope, that had been lingering for a while. she did truly believe that saying about the eyes being the window of the soul. and she couldn't help but notice that your soul along with spencer's... displayed the same shadow.

it was sad, really. penelope garcia was a fixer. she wanted everything to go according to plan, even if if didn't, she made sure it would.

not this time.

“you two have the same look towards each other.” she shared, playing with her colourful pen nervously. god, how could she stop their suffering? maybe if she knew the reason of your break-up... “you never told me why you two broke up.” you almost flinched, hands clenching instinctively. here's your body again, defending itself, building up mechanics to escape and survive. “i'm sorry,” the blonde grimaced, touching the back of your hand softly. “i didn't mean to sound so invasive—”

“you didn't.” you said, ignoring that little voice yelling shut up, don't be weak! “we, uh— we decided. it was a mutual decision.” there were scientific explanations about why you felt as if your heart were pinching your ribcase when you remembered an old lover. you couldn't remember any of that now.

“oh.” she said, acting surprised. not acting, she really was surprised. that made you let out a chuckle. penelope told you once that you and spencer were the two people she trusted would be forever. it's like... meant to be. you're perfect for each other.

well, perfect can become unbearable sometimes. or it can never exist at all.

your eyebrows slowly drew together. “what do you mean we share the same look?” the smile she gave you didn't please you that much. it was sad, almost pitiful.

“it's that longing... like he's missing something. his eyes say everything. you know that.”

your gaze fell to your unfinished paperwork, reading twice to figure out where you needed to get back to. you didn't met your friends’ eyes for a while. you didn't know what to say to that.

you missed spencer. of course you did. you love him with your whole heart. but it wasn't enough. the both of you weren't enough to one another. and that's fine, you've been over this for a hundred times in your head. a thousand other possibilities could have happened. so many what ifs...

but the past was in the past, there was not point in dwelling on it.

the burning sensation on your cheek didn't force you to look in the culprit's direction. no. you focused on your paperwork just like penelope had resumed to her fast typing.

we are still friends.

spencer's tongue twitched in his mouth, itching in anticipation. it was overwhelming feeling as if he couldn't utter a word to you. you're coworkers. you were friends before... before your relationship ended. so why can't it be easy like before? why can't it be that carefree and non-problematic?

he missed your laughs. he missed the scrunch in the middle of your forehead when you were focused. he even missed your incessant habit of chewing a pen cap. spencer missed everything. he missed the fighting and the occasional silence treatment. he missed saying sorry even if he wasn't in the wrong. he missed you.

why did he agreed to that stupid break-up?

“you good, pretty boy?” he blinked awake once he felt a nudge on his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. the painful reality of loneliness.

spencer only did realized he was staring into your direction when his eyes focused again. he quickly looked away. anywhere else. it ended up being derek, who stared at him with a half knowing half concerned look.

“yeah.” spencer said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he stood up from his desk. “i'm gonna make some coffee. you- you want some?” his felt his face warming up like it would fucking explode.

derek, to spencer's luck, decided to let it slide and nodded. he scrambled away with two mugs in hand, disappearing into the kitchenette.

it didn't matter thinking about the range of possibilities of what he could have done or said. because the past is in the past. it's over — spencer thought bitterly as a drip of hot coffee landed on his hand. he hissed, turning on the tap to quickly wash away the burning.

burning.

he missed the burning.

he missed you.

but it wouldn't come back. it was over. he was only left with the past.

at least we're still friends, right?

━━━━━━━━━━━━

taglist: @lilyviolets

[sturnsstar]

Treat you better ✶ Matt Sturniolo ✶ pt. 1

a/n: first fic I write for this fandom! Feedback is greatly appreciated :) Hope you like it! This will have two parts, the second one will contain smut xx

pairing: fem reader x Matt Sturniolo

warnings: angst and fluff, swearing, reader has a panic attack and is very insecure. SMUT in the next part!!

requested: no

summary: After reader's boyfriend breaks up with her, she starts feeling unworthy of anyone's love. Luckily, her friend Matt is ready to prove her otherwise.

P.S. english is not my first language.

Even though I’m trying  not to think about it, everything seems so hard right now. I feel drained and tired: every cell of my body is screaming at me to run away and hide from everyone. I don’t  want to be here, at this party, full of people I don’t know who are not aware of my feelings at this very moment.

My boyfriend, or now ex-boyfriend, just dumped me. Right on the spot. Without an apparent motivation or a justification. He made me get ready to accompany him at this stupid party I didn’t want to attend in the first place just to break up with me once there. 

I don’t  know what to do or what to think. Do I just go around this house pretending nothing happened? No one I know is here yet, and there’s a high chance I’ll see that asshole somewhere, probably too occupied to flirt with some random girl, now that he is a free man. 

I read once that heartbreak can actually cause physical pain but never believed it. I have to reevaluate that, because the pain I feel on my chest right now must be real.

I walk through the kitchen and the many bodies crowded there, hoping to reach the back door to get out and find some fresh air. The house feels so constricted, my lungs don’t have enough oxygen to keep functioning normally. Once I realize what I feel coming is a panic attack it’s too late. I should have known the symptoms, since they’ve been so frequent for me the last few months. Between the start of my first Uni year and the numerous fights I had with Hayden, I often found myself with a hand to my chest and my eyes closed, trying to regain my breath and clear my head. The stress and the pressure I felt lately decided to burst through during the most inappropriate times, one of them being right this instant, in a place where I don’t feel safe. 

I am so vulnerable and weak, my head is pounding and I let my eyes close for a few seconds, trying to adjust my breathing. What will I do now? How can I get over this? Tears are streaming down my face, ruining, I’m sure, the make-up I applied a few hours ago.

Suddenly, there’s a warm feeling on my shoulder. A hand, big and smooth, is gripping me tightly, and a voice I think I know from somewhere is calling my name, bringing me back from the dark place I was before.

I open my eyes, finding in front of me a pair of blue eyes with a worried expression, staring right back at me.

“What is it? What happened?” 

I want to tell him, I really do, but words feel like a boulder in my stomach. My mouth opens, but no sound comes out, except for a feeble screech. I feel so ashamed and yet safe, now that Matt is here with me. I am not alone anymore, I know he will help me. He’s the only one who knows what I am going through right now. Matt is always there when I need him, somehow. 

His expression changes, like he suddenly has a realization. He understands what’s wrong with me, even without me saying anything to him.

“Alright, this is what we’ll do. You follow me and we sit down on that bench over there. I will hold your hand, if you want. Think you can do that  for me?”

That is exactly what I need. The reassurance, someone who tells me I can rely on them. So I grab his hand, the one that wasn’t on my shoulder, and my silent answer is enough for him, cause he turns around and starts moving towards the white bench, his hold on me strong and firm. We sit next to each other, his jeans cladded thigh brushing against mine, our hands still connected. 

My breathing slows down, but it’s still a bit difficult for me to talk. Matt speaks again. 

“Listen to my breathing and try to match it. You’re okay. We’re sitting on a bench in a backyard, there’s no one else, just you and me. You can feel safe with me, you know that.”

Of course I know that. It’s one of the few facts I am fully certain of. In all the years I’ve known Matthew Sturniolo, he has never let me down once. He was my favorite playmate at kindergarten; the little boy I went crying to when someone made fun of me in elementary school; the one who copied my math homework through middle school and high school; the boy who knew all about my insecurities and my secrets no one else was aware of.  

I finally stop crying and my breathing goes back to normal after a few minutes, thanks to Matt’s presence and its power to ground me. 

“Will you tell me what happened now?” His face is worried, there’s sadness in his eyes and it irks me to know I am the cause of his apprehension.

So I tell him: I recount the last few months of my life, the ones where he wasn’t present exclusively for the fact that Hayden wanted me to stay away from him. I tell him about the anxiety I’ve been feeling, the fear of not meeting everyone’s expectations over me. I tell him about what happened tonight, how the pain I felt was so unbearable I needed to get away. And he listens, silently, at every word I speak. 

“I am so sorry, Matt, for how I treated you” I whisper, looking at the ground. I am too embarrassed to face him, because he always had a weird feeling about my ex-boyfriend and I never really listened to him. Embarrassed also for the fact that I let him go so easily, just for some stupid tantrum of an insecure guy.

He chuckles, and his hold on my hand tightens. 

“Don’t worry about it, I knew something like that could have happened, with an asshole like Hayden” I laugh at that, releasing a bit of the tension I accumulated tonight. 

“Are you here with your brothers? I haven’t seen them in so long, I miss them” I ask him, feeling ashamed once again and also needy of their company. Chris and Nick were a big part of my childhood as well. My bond with them is not as strong as the one I share with Matt, but the affection I feel for them it’s immense.  

“I left them at the entrance. They’re not very happy with me right now, since I forced them to come to this party. But I knew you were there and had to see you.” Matt smiles and gets up, urging me to do the same. I blink at his last words, but he doesn’t let me elaborate them cause he’s practically dragging me back to the house, his face now covered from my view, but I can notice a slight blush forming on his cheeks.

Turns out, Chris and Nick weren't mad at me either. Well, Nick tried to act tough at the beginning, but seeing my state and the murderous look Matt gave him, he stopped pretty quickly and gave me a warm hug, almost causing me to cry again. I just missed these guys so much, I can’t believe I went without them for three whole months.

We stay at the party for a bit longer, Chris trying his best to make me laugh and generally succeeding, even though some of his best jokes consist of burping in front of his brothers’ faces, causing punches and swears to fly around. 

Matt drives me home. The journey is quiet except for the music playing from the car stereo. He stops in front of his house first to let his brothers go home, and I frown at him. 

“I don’t want to hear them complaining because they’re tired or some shit” he explains to me, and I still look at him with a raised brow, so he just sighs. “Fine, I want to be with you for a while longer without them. Is it so hard to believe?” It is actually hard to believe for me right now. Not because of Matt, though. 

The sadness I felt earlier tonight has dissipated, but it’s not completely gone. My head is making a thousand thoughts and my insecurities have taken hold of me. I feel so unworthy of Matt’s care for me, when I did nothing for the past months but hurt him. 

He starts the engine and we’re on the road again. My eyes trail outside the window seat, mesmerized by the city lights. 

“You can tell me how you’re feeling, you know” Matt’s voice breaks my reverie, and I sigh.

“I just…” I start, eyes still not looking at him.“I don’t understand what I did wrong. I did everything he told me to do! For fuck’s sake, I stopped seeing you because he felt jealous. I guess I’m just trying to get some kind of closure, you know?” I’m rambling right now, but I don’t care. Matt never judged me before, and I need this, I need to tell someone what’s going on in my head, otherwise it will be a never ending circle of self pity.

He hums, listening intently to my words. I vomit all the insecurities that crept up upon me that evening, and without even realizing we arrive at my place.

Matt turns off the car, he unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the vehicle. Confused, I follow his lead, coming out of the car almost the exact time he reaches me. I look up at him, expecting some kind of encouraging words towards me or even a little lecture. 

Instead, all I see is such adoration and love in his eyes that I almost have to look away, but before I do that, his arms encircle my shoulders and he pulls me against him, his warm chest a welcome caress against my cheek. I freeze, so unaccustomed to the sudden physical affection. But my body knows this feeling quite well, and it acts on its own. I hug him back, my arms encircling his waist and my head resting against his chest, listening to his fast heartbeat.

His voice, muffled against my hair, trembles with a frantic plea. "Never again," he whispers. "Promise me, don't vanish like that. And don't believe that nonsense. You're not unworthy of love. You just happen to have chosen the wrong person to take it from." I can't muster the strength to argue with him; I simply shake my head, too weary to contradict his words. 

Matt moves his head away from my shoulder, his arms still around me. 

“I wish you’d see yourself the way I see you. Maybe you’d understand, then” I frown at him.

“How do you see me?” I’m not sure where the courage to ask that question comes from, but I have a feeling in my stomach that his answer might change everything for me. For us.

He smiles at me, his teeth showing. “Now it’s not the time or place to tell you. If you still want to know, ask me in a month or something” he steps back and goes to the driver seat, getting in the car without looking at me, while my head spins. What is that supposed to mean? My curiosity is killing me, I want to know what he means so badly, but I know him: if he’s made his mind up, he won’t tell me until he feels like the right time has come. 

I shake my head, the shadow of a smile on my face, and I turn, going towards my house. I hear the car’s engine starting again, and it’s only after I close the door behind me that Matt departs. 

Fine then, I’ll wait for him to tell me. Something to look forward to, maybe.

Part 2 will be published soon!

[writing-and-rebloging]

Macbeth, Jellal and parallels.

Quick preface, I'm taking the Anime add ons in the Oracion Seis arc and the Starry Sky filler as canon, because they give a lot more substance and treat the Seis nicely enough (and much better than the manga), respectively.

Acknowledgement

In a way. It's what all of this hinges upon. In a turn of events, Macbeth recognizes the darkness and cruelty simmering in Jellal's head, compares them to his own, and says that due to that, Jellal would fit perfectly in Oracion Seis. Morally corrupt, cruel and powerful... Jellal is just like them, isn't he? In the anime, the vibes of condescendingly saying "can't you see you're just like me? No matter how much you deny it. No matter how much you say you're disgusted by my actions, you're just as bad." are simply immaculate.

Past

While they share this with other characters, they were both enslaved children in the tower of Heaven. A past neither of them like to talk about. They were weak, helpless, and it fucked them up (Jellal was tortured to insanity, Macbeth has night terrors and several dealer's choice sleep issues thanks to the tower) majorly. Jellal barely talks about the tower in general unless it's to make a point of his atonement, and Macbeth only mentions it three time, two while throwing what he did to Jellal's face and one while lashing out at Erza for not going back to save anyone from her boyfriend's cruelty.

The fact that they couldn't do anything to defend themselves while other people kicked them around eats at them, and while we know they were kids, it's not something they consider in the equation at all. They're ashamed of it, unlike Erza or Milliana, and it leads to the second and third points.

Manipulation.

After being tortured for hours, "Zeref" (who was just Ultear. Who interestingly enough also gets tortured within an inch of her life by Brain, but that's for another post) reaches out to Jellal and gives him the power to take over the Tower of Heaven, while weeks or months later Brain "adopts" Macbeth and the other four members of Oracion Seis, and teaches them how to use a wide variety of magic.

They both end up on positions of power. Jellal as the ruler of the Tower of Heaven. Macbeth as the favorite son, with all that implies. And while they gain something (safety, for starters) out of it, they're also at someone else's mercy. Jellal is being manipulated by "Zeref" into completing the Tower to bring him back, while Macbeth is in turn groomed by Brain into being the perfect soldier to maintain the magic link keeping Zero at bay, and carry out his plans so that he can hide away.

Drunk on power.

They embody this more than any of the other Tower kids that became villains. They're given power, both raw in the form of incredible magical abilities and over other people (albeit in different ways). And they get drunk on it.

Jellal runs the tower like a tyrant, ordering and bullying people around. He threatens his friends, murders one of them, and even almost sacrifices Erza, who he held dear above anyone else.

Macbeth on the other hand, we can assume is encouraged to hurt people as much as he pleases, as long as he gets the job done. We see that when he tortures Eve, and when he says he wants to see Erza and Jellal in pain. 

Both of them use that power to inflict pain, and that pain to soothe the wound of having been taken advantage of when they were vulnerable. It makes them feel safe, being above other people.

Magic

While this is anime only, as we never see him use it again, Macbeth ends up using the same dark magic as Brain, and, if we look at some spells that Jellal uses back in the tower... The resemblance is enough to assume it's the same kind of magic. And while not immensely relevant, it sure is fun that they would use the same magic, all things considered.

Extending a hand to each other in the worst way possible (while mocking Jellal's worst insecurity vs after beating the crap out of Macbeth) should also be listed, tbh. But this is long enough.

These similarities, however, would make them want to throw up if pointed out rather than bring them closer.

Anyways. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[vidalinav]

I know the cards are where they lay, but I really really really want to know... what would’ve happened if Nesta hadn’t socially isolated herself or drank or whatnot after acowar? Can you imagine how many contending factors you now have to deal with including just Cassian himself which I argue is maybe the person who needed the most complicated personal growth? With Cassian, it wasn’t about growing into one’s self and changing perceptions like it was with Nesta, because Nesta even with her maladaptive self perceptions is very opiniated and strong morally. She has a poignant internal voice. You know how she is, her personality, what her thoughts are like, her limitations and her strengths. The goal was merely softening rough edges and getting past grief. Without the cause of drinking and self isolation, Nesta’s problems are really just about magic, the role she assumes, and being vulnerable and those are not really that complicated. At least to me, I think they’d happen more naturally over the course of a plot line. She makes friends in Gwyn and Emerie, she gets a task even if she doesn’t want it at first, and BAM easy fix. Or at least that’s literally what acosf was preaching. 

With Cassian, though... it was about undoing years and years of familiarity and habits and getting over a lot of insecurity about his position in the world and in his own family. He was already in a difficult position of wanting to be the support for his friends and being the middle man for their comfort. How often did he compromise his personality and his feelings because he needed to maintain the role he was placed in of being the not serious one, the fun loving one, etc? That was a problem that was noticed in acomaf. He needs to play the role and keep his positions maintained and then all of a sudden Nesta appears and his life is changed forever. And let’s not forget that his best friend basically doesn’t even like her. 

How does one just go from going to the HoW “to stretch his wings” when he’s really checking on the secret love of his life to pulling his hand away because Mor walks in on Nesta taking care of him, to having this woman literally lay on top of him, almost dying because she’s not going to leave him to die alone, to then pan to acofas where he’s ignoring her the whole time, where we have actually no evidence in his own pov that really shows he even tried to reach out to her outside of some vague comment, until she leaves and then he aggressively tries to give her a present in front of no one like he’s ashamed. Even in acosf he doesn’t give her his present because he hopes the outcome will be different from last solstice but he isn’t super sure. If anyone has a vulnerability issue, it’s Cassian!!!  

So imagine a world where none of acosf happens and the romance is not based on Nesta not committing, but Cassian having acknowledged flaws that move plot/relationships where he’s actually the one failing to commit because originally it was him. That if Nesta maybe starts sleeping around, it’s because Cassian is sending mixed signals. She’s grieving and he’s not there. 

So then what if the whole plot is Nesta’s problem, but the actual romance is Cassian’s problem because he cannot get his shit together. 

Would it not be fun to see Nesta put in a situation where she has to entice Eris and Cassian not being secure that Nesta will choose him? Like I want this whole situation reversed where it’s not actually Nesta who is the one who is playing hard to get, it’s Cassian who doesn’t know what the fuck he wants and he needs to be really honest about it because he doesn’t want to be the buffer anymore. He wants to be able to love his mate, but he cannot stop fufilling his duty. He’s got his obligations to the court, to rhys, to his job, and then to Mor and Azriel, but he just wants Nesta and he cannot reconcile himself to taking the chance because Nesta could marry and a prince at that and he’s no prince. He’s just a bastard born nobody. 

I want insecure Cassian okay!!!

[agerye]

edited a haikyuu screencap of little atsumu! ft osamu :]

i also wrote a little fic for it!! you can read here or under the cut :3 cw : light angst, a few unspoken swear words in osamu pov

"What are you doing?" Osamu asks, unimpressed. The sight before him is his usually older, but currently much younger, twin brother with a makeup brush in hand, staining the gifted teddy bear in his arms, gave to him by Kita.

Atsumu startles and fumbles with his words. Despite him going to be in trouble for intentionally dirtying his stuffie, Osamu decides to be patient and give him the time to find his words, though they'll be excuses.

Suprisingly, he settles on saying nothing, fidgeting with Kirimi- named after the sanrio character who is clearly a salmon but Atsumu for some reason believes is tuna- and a guilty look on his face

Osamu sighs. Usually he has no problem being sturn to his brother, even to the point of physically fighting, but something about his little side really softens him up. "Look," he says, "y'know you're not allowed to get things dirty on purpose, Tsumu."

Atsumu fiddles with Kirimi more, whining sadly. "Come on, what do you have to say for making Kirimi dirty?" Atsumu whines louder but finally speaks, "She not dirty!"

"Really, Tsumu? I can see her." He does this weird frustrated wiggle that usually is endearing to Osamu, but now he's starting to get annoyed, "I dunno if I'll be able to get that off either."

"Don't!" Atsumu shouts, startling Osamu slightly, "she not dirty!" he insists, and Osamu genuinely has no clue what to do as Atsumu wraps himself around Kirimi, tightly holding her to his chest.

Then Atsumu speaks again, a lot quieter, almost ashamed sounding, "she's like me." And suddenly it clicks for him. Atsumu's words being spoken around the blue pacifier in his mouth, the same colour staining Kirimi's snout. Damn it, Osamu feels like a piece of shit.

He awkwardly moves forward and places his hand gently on Atsumu's shoulder. Atsumu stiffens but doesn't move away or fight him like Osamu feared he might. "Hey.. I won't try to clean her, okay?"

Atsumu whines and squeezes Kirimi, "you think she's dirty.." Osamu sighs and tries to reassure, "I don't think that, Tsumu. I just didn't understand. Promise." Atsumu hums but remains dejected and Osamu is scared he's genuinely fucked this up.

His brother has never been the insecure type to care what anyone else thinks, but this is an entirely different matter than personality or volleyball. It's something vulnerable and important that he was entrusted with, and while he didn't really get it at first, he would never genuinely think badly of Atsumu or anything that helps him.

Atsumu is his other half, and while it's sappy as hell and he'd never say it, Osamu is blessed by his existence. He has no problem getting on his ass about a lot of things and they'd beat each other up plentiful, but he'd never want to actually hurt his brother ever.

"Y'know," he tries, "I think it's pretty cool. We used to match like that, remember?" Atsumu finally uncurls a little, looking up at Osamu with such big innocent eyes. "Really think so?" He asks, still quiet and shy.

"Yeah, it's a good look. I'm sorry I was mean, Tsumu." Atsumu hums again, this time considering his words, then shuffles closer to Osamu, leaning into him. "Tha's okay, bubba," he says, "ev'ryone gets jealous sometimes."

Jealous. If Atsumu said that when big Osamu would be ready to fight, but he pushes down his pride and instead ruffles his brothers hair. "Yeah." 

[ineffablecastielsstuff]

Shax

Hey guys,

I’ve been thinking (again). This time it was about episode 4 (though the end of episode 3 plays into it as well).

In the end of episode 3 there’s that scene when Shax tries to trick Crowley into telling her where Gabriel is. There’re a lot of weird things going on in that scene. For once it’s proceded by Jimbriel having one of his moments when Gabriel shines through and memories come back to him. This time they are simply emerging by Crowley saying „tempest“. Up until now there had always been more pressure on Jimbriel to remember things (usually Crowley urging him to remember). So why did it come to him so easily there? I don’t have an answer to that but I wonder if it has something to do with Shax already messing around a bit outside the bookshop.

I also noticed that Jimbriel’s memory begins with „There will be a tempest“, and then Shax appears at the end of it. Now, I don’t think Shax is the big tempest. But I wonder if she’s more powerful than we think?! (After all, she can easily change her appearance to something entirely different when she tricks Aziraphale into letting her into the Bentley… And whilst Crowley is constantly changing his style, he’s never changing everything about him, but Shax is (or is she? I am faceblind. Maybe I just didn’t recognise her?)

Anyway. Let’s look at episode 4.

People far more talented and observant than me have pointed that Aziraphale has two revelations during that night in 1941. One is, that he’s in love with Crowley and that Crowley might love him back (after all, he saves his books). The other is that their association is a great danger for Crowley – after all Furfur is trying their best to catch him. Nothing new here. But…

I have a feeling that Shax sort of recreates that while she’s in the Bentley. Her comments along the lines of „I’m a little bemused as to why he should risk destruction for you. You don’t seem like his type at all“ and „Sometime in the last 80, 90 years I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item“ are bound to remind Aziraphale of that night (or maybe there’s another we don’t know yet. 80 or 90 years is a bit longer ago than 1941. Who knows?!).

After Shax comment about „you don’t seem his type at all“ Aziraphale does his little eyebrow thing bitch face thing. To me that sort of oozes confidence, saying something along the lines of „well, but I am“. So it looks like Aziraphale’s revelation from 1941 about Crowley’s and his relationship has stuck, and he knows Crowley loves him (and he’s made peace with loving Crowley?).

But the comment about rumours of them being an item will have reminded Aziraphale that there were dangers coming along with that being out in the open. You can see the fear in his eyes when Shax talks about that. His whole demeanour changes then. He even tries to negate knowing Gabriel, and seems really insecure. Shax notices and plays right into that insecurity by getting Aziraphale to relax a bit by letting her out of the car, and then hitting him with the claimi he had already told her where Gabriel is. Obviously, Aziraphale falls into that trap. He’s vulnerable and scared. I don’t think his self-esteem was ever really good, but she shattered it methodically and thoroughly.

Now, with the next bit I’m not sure. There a two possible ways to look at it as far as I can see. But I’m happy to be told there’s a completely different angle :-D

Either, Aziraphale is deeply ashamed of what has happened, and that he broke so easily under such textbook interrogation, and that’s why he doesn’t tell Crowley upon arrival at the bookshop.

Or he thinks something along the lines of „well, I sorted it out in 1941 by doing some magic tricks, maybe I can do something similar here“ and throws himself into the whole ball thing because that’s the only „magic act“ he can think of. The only way forward. Because he doesn’t stop and think (see previous post „now go back to where I parked you).

I don’t know. I think my main point is that Shax comes along as a sort of comical character with her not knowing sarcasm, and not getting the boiler to work, and weird speeches where she looses the plot and talks about dangerocity. But really, she’s done some excellent work here. She’s more cunning and clever than we give her credit for. And I don’t know if that will be significant or not, if she’s gonna be revealed as some sort of serious enemy, but there is something… Or am I looking at this from a completely wrong angle?

[grison-in-space]

Essentially, on the day I met Guiding Eyes Corky #3cc92 the blind part of me was starving. Suddenly there was a dog—a “service dog,” “guide dog,” “seeing-eye dog,” an epic dog, a professional dog, who was entirely my companion. “Yes, it took me a long time to get here,” I thought. But I could see Corky didn’t care about my lengthy delay at all. She was interested in my left eyebrow, my fingers. She scented the history of my clothes. She was interested in me—the present-tense man, the one who was before her wearing sturdy L.L.Bean outdoor gear. In order to meet Corky I’d had to suffer losses, wring my hands, and even sweat. One minute I’d been a professor at a small liberal arts college in upstate New York. The next I was a job seeker whose teaching position had been erased. It’s a routine story and ordinarily it shouldn’t have been devastating but owing to blindness I couldn’t simply switch gears and drive a cab or wait tables. Unemployment had pitched me in a dark wood with no discernible path.

Steven Kuusisto, Have Dog Will Travel (2018). Chapter Two. Bold emphasis mine.

One of the things Kuusisto is really insecure about, in the beginning, is his lack of "blind culture": because he's spent his entire life masking and trying to be perceived as a sighted person, he doesn't have the skills or the life experience he imagines other blind people to have. (He's 39 here, incidentally; not a young man.) He feels behind, adolescent, missing important skills--and he feels terribly stuck.

Corky serves two purposes here: one, she's actually an important aid device for Kuusisto's independence, as we will make clear in future excerpts. But she also serves to make it very clear that Kuusisto is blind and that he is part of a broader category of people for whom vision isn't useful. She claims this part of Kuusisto's identity for him and serves as a very visible cue to what he can and can't do--and in doing so also invokes federal law. This is happening circa 1993, as a reminder: the ADA exists, but it is an extremely new thing.... as we will see in the next quote.

By existing, Corky essentially "outs" Kuusisto as belonging to a community he has spent his entire life hiding from. (Kuusisto is straight--he mentions his wife in the first chapter, as an aside talking about her experience training guide dogs vs riding horses--but the parallels to queer experience are strong and easy to see, especially in the context of self acceptance and shame.) She claims his place in that community by existing. She represents this transition from hiding in shame--"the blind part of me was starving"--to owning his position as a blind man and interacting with other blind people as a form of community. Kuusisto will go on to immerse himself in disability advocacy and blindness advocacy more general over the course of his career, so this is an incredibly significant transition for him--and, powerfully, Corky herself is a strong reassuring presence in a way that other visible markers of identity can't be. The ace flag pin that lives on one of my favorite hats can't sooth me when I'm frightened, for example, but Corky can (and does) habitually lean into Kuusisto and nudge him when he's nervous or ashamed.

Note also the vulnerability of disability: when we have managed to kludge a system into something that works for us, sudden change can be completely life-destroying. Kuusisto notes that he has worked as a lecturer teaching poetry on the same campus he attended college, where his father was the president, for his entire adult life with the exception of a few years of graduate school in Iowa City. Where can he work now that this position is no longer available to him? How will he get around?

[taylortruther]

‘When she was doing better she resented our concerns about her mental health and the fact that we had been there during a very vulnerable time in her life’ this describes my dynamic with my ex-best friend who I was completely obsessed with so well. we were so close for years and often talked about mental health (tbf we were babies then) until things got really bad during covid. we were there for each other, and we would sometimes share things that most people would be ashamed to even think of. when she got better, she became a lot more cagey about her feelings towards the people we talked about a lot when we were doing really badly (mostly our dads really), and I do think that fed into her decision to slowly distance herself from me. i really do think she didn’t want to be that vulnerable with anyone at all. the thing is, i ended up getting worse after initially getting better. we had been growing apart for a year by that point but kind of promised each other to put more effort in after we went a month without texting that summer. when I came back to school in the fall, i was visibly very sick, and she suddenly hated me? i don’t think it’s just because of the way i looked (there was some jealousy with like, doing well in class or whatever, but that hadn’t been an issue in previous years at all), but I swear it played a part. she suddenly couldn’t stand to spend time with me, seemingly got mad if i made conversation, and would openly laugh and rejoice if i made a mistake in class. it was so confusing and hurtful. her resentment eventually stopped but our relationship never recovered. I wonder if seeing me like that reminded her of her lowest times (since our rough patches coincided, even though our issues were different - hers was depression and anxiety / perhaps some other stuff she never got formally diagnosed with, mine was pretty severe anorexia, which she never asked about after the first summer when it started and went ‘is that STILL a thing???’ when i said I couldn’t have something a few months before i lost a lot of weight again), and that was why she avoided me subconsciously? was she scared i would pull her in? I literally never had that issue with any other friends btw so I’m not like that at all 😭 I grieved it for so long, especially because we never had a blowup fight or anything. resentment just built up until we fizzled out. we went from arguably the closest people in each other’s lives to… acquaintances, basically. ugh it sucks. i wish I could hear her side of things and get closure because I genuinely don’t know what I did wrong (this is a pattern for her, but i digress).

ahhh bestie this hurts my heart for you. i won't act like i know for sure what was going through her mind - sometimes you form really intense bonds with friends that end up blowing up for a host of reasons. maybe she couldn't be communicative and was pissed you couldn't pick up on her impossibly subtle "hints," maybe she was too immature and insecure to admit something to you, maybe she felt threatened that you knew her vulnerabilities and felt she had to push you away and be mean to you to ensure she had power/control over the situation... but i am sorry you went through it and i hope you are doing okay.

[moltage]

Been thinking about that cardigan *you know whoch one*. It's so soft and cuddly. So I guess that is the closest we get to the real Mick. Like w/o his demeanor or acting of a womanizer and arrogance behavior. Idk if that even makes sense. But yeah. I'm pretty sure that he would be even a little bit*a lot* insecure when he at some point falls in love. I'm seeing so much longing and big eyes a little bit sad a little bit hope and so much devotion. He would't openly approach them. He would think of some strategic and really comlicated even a long shot plan. Slightly manipulative. Unpopular opinion but I'm sure he is a romantic deep in heart and is kind of dreaming of that special someone who would give him peace.

Yeah I get I'm profiling a cardigan but I can't unsee it. And the way he is a little bit ashamed when he phones that girl and we found out he had something with her and everyone is like ofc he had BUT I'm sure he wants to be seen as more than just this by them. Bc he cares about them.

Goshhh that's too long

Will anyone even read it🤣🤣🤣don't care had to share it

anon. thank you so much for sharing this with me i am going to kiss you

and yes, i know which cardigan you're talking about and yes, i agree with you. i loved seeing *that* side of him even if it was short. almost vulnerable, a not often seen side of the usual "mick rawson" persona he keeps up. I mean, they were called for a case in the middle of the night so of course he's gonna be too tired to care 😂 it was sooo soft and I wish we'd gotten more of that look. 🥺

and love the way you profiled the cardigan. you're %100 right about mick being a romantic deep down. like have you seen this man and how much he cares about the people around him, but doesn't openly admit it often? you can see it in the way he treats his teammates, the way he'd do anything for them but he doesn't directly make it obvious.

i feel like there's a little bit of fear in there too. you know the whole "snipers feel invulnerable. they choose to keep people at a safe emotional distance" thing. which is why i also agree with the part you mentioned about seeing so much longing, hope and devotion in his eyes. because yeah, this man would absolutely give it all for the person he loves.

i think that's part of why he keeps up the whole "serial dater" persona instead of settling down for someone or letting anyone get close to him. I feel like he's scared. That's what he's used to, what he taught himself so it's easier for him to.. play around. pick up women or men as he pleases and all that.

also love the part abt him making a long strategic plan if he was in love bc YES. absolutely. 😭 this man's a MESS hahsjdh

and u didn't have to hurt me like that w the "he wants to be seen as more than just this by them" but ill let it slide bc ur observation was on point. ;]

anyway, mick rawson is a lover no matter how much he tries to hide it. we know what u are mick. i love the family dynamic in the show but it's even more precious when you look at it separately, from Mick's perspective. Just how much he cares about them and how much they care back. I love them so much.

sorry if i got off topic or talked too much but yeah thank you so much for sharing this with me, i really appreciate it. you get mick rawson so well!!!!!!

[spaghetti-academia]

Alpha Ruined

Liliana Carlisle

indie! ebook!

Published: 2024

Pages: 262

Dates read: 08/10/24 - 08/25/24

I originally found out about this book from a Tumblr post. Carlisle was advertising her book on Instagram with the text on the reel saying, "Him hiding in her bathroom and sucking on her used towel." This made me curious about the book, and so I looked into it to see what it was about. The IG reel was easily understandable once I read that the book took place in the omegaverse. Given that this book was being released in August, I figured that I might as well read it for HRCYED.

The omega female main character, Bree, is a journalist who went to a town to investigate the disappearance of an alpha!prisoner and an omega!counselor. Cole is the alpha male main character, who is a serial killer/stalker. Bree and Cole are drawn towards each other, and their relationship eventually culminates into them having Heat- and Rut-fueled sex. The book has a somewhat happily ever after ending.

While I tend to read fanfiction with romance and smut in it, but I don't normally read within the Romance genre with books. I've been wanting to read romance books, and Alpha Ruined was an interesting pick. The book was mostly told from the perspective of Bree, so we became familiar with some of her insecurities and personal conflicts. She struggled with self harm when she was younger, which means that she has a lot of scars on her arms that remind her of her difficult past. These scars made her feel ashamed, which created a barrier to her getting with Cole. Eventually, her feelings about her scars changed as Cole convinced her to not be embarrassed and hide them.

The incorporation of the omegaverse in this story set this book apart in some ways. However, a criticism that I have of Alpha Ruined is that it relied on the omegaverse too much to describe the main characters' feelings. There were several phrases like "His [inner] alpha roared," "Her [inner] omega was delighted," etc. I would have liked to see more detailed description of their feelings. For example, what signs does her body give her that indicates that that feral side is enjoying this? I also would have liked to see more creativity done with the Omegaverse. Like what's the point in having the omegaverse trope if its just going to be man = alpha, woman = omega? Isn't that just heterosexuality on stereoids? Maybe I'm too used to my gay fanfiction lol

Ultimately, this book reveals how relationships can strengthen us by highlighting our best selves. It also reveals how relationships make us vulnerable by exposing our deepest insecurities and flaws. I liked following along with Bree's transformation throughout this book, and I hope to read more Dark Romances :)

Rating: 3.0 ⭐

[pieroulette]

okay! *cracks knuckles* here we go!! i have a lot of praise for this series, the more i read it the more i fall in love. 🤩🤩🤩 i’ll go into specifics about what i loved the most from a technical point of view:

the prose and flow of the writing: everything flowed together seamlessly from scene to scene, i honestly loved how smooth it was to read. it felt shorter than it was in the best way possible — as in it was so easy to consume, but not to the point of being juvenile; and it was also adequately descriptive, but not so much that it took too much away from what was happening in the scene. that’s definitely not an easy think so well done!

the subtle progression of emotions: at first, i thought it was a bit harder to tell with jungwon’s character how he was able to go from “interested” to deeply in love, but then i noticed that the little things showed it for him. for me the whole “marry me” part felt a bit insincere on his part (as a character, i mean not because of you’re writing). but it really showed how deeply he felt about the mc when he did things like defend her from slander, rescue her from the lake and fell asleep in her presence, despite  having trust issues. and the final nail in the box was when he gifted the handmade book to mc as a gift. he took something the mc was genuinely interested in into consideration and don’t just gift her jewellery or dressed, and put effort into making it. that was really touching

the development of relationship between mc and jungwon: you managed to make a very swoon-worthy romance, not going to lie. but it was for a lot more than simply kabedon and “milady” (though that was admittedly a big part in it). a key example of this would be the shooting star scene. i am ashamed to say i didn’t give it proper acknowledgement in the first read through, but once i read it again it actually pulled at my heartstrings. it’s the point in time where both the mc and jungwon become more honest with each other, and rather than a tug of war game, it’s like them meeting in the middle, if that makes sense. when they wished upon a shooting star, the mc wished to be more true to themselves and jungwon wished to be more sincere in his endeavours — it wasn’t anything dramatic, and that’s why it works. because everything else on their relationship until this point was dramatic (the proposal, the confronting the marquess, the lake incident, etc) that this moment was all the more impactful

the ending: jungwon has always been upfront about his desire to marry the mc, but in the ending scene I feel like we get a sense of vulnerability from having confessing his love. the fact that he — a prince — knelt down before mc shows just how much he adores her. and when he asks if he is worthy of being mc’s lover? that shit hurteth — because he was always so forward and confident in his advances and we finally get to see him become somewhat insecure. he’s showing mc another side of him, and i love that. 

this is honestly more good feedback than anything else! but if you want critique, in terms of writing here’s something I picked up on:

misplaced colloquialism: this might just be a nit pick but i’ll explain what i mean here. so since mc isn’t from the time period, it’s understandable that their thoughts wouldn’t be in cursive, fancy, writing of that makes sense. like obviously her way of speaking would be different. but sometimes that bled into the narration a bit— sometimes you would use modern slang like “ain’t”, which is fine in mc’s pov, but something to be careful of when switching from mc’s pov to jungwon’s, if that makes sense.

other than that I couldn’t think of much off the top off my head but will let you know if I find anything else!! hope this helped in some way and sorry if it’s too long!! 😇

— 🌅

OKAY SO THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH, THIS IS SO PRECIOUS TO ME <3 !!! your review gave my brain something to think of lol, something to keep in mind for my next stories so thank you! It's rlly a great help, no, it's a very very big help to me that's why thank you 🌅 anonnie!! It is never too long, i love every word and you put sm effort in this so why would i not like it? 😭😭 THANK YOU VV MUCH <333

i'm always going back to read this, it rlly makes me happy too shooting star scene/glasshouse scene, it was actually my favourite and it was the scene that I put the most effort. that's why it kind of makes me rlly sad that no one mentions it ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ that's why thank you!!