#we gay harold

[kickbutts-singsongs]

Okay but why did they never have any holiday themed POI episodes?

More specifically, how come they never had a Halloween episode and played “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell in the background?

[nerdeel]

Not a request but харолдс Гай

i knoq its you noah

anyways i agree!

[vengeful-horde-of-angry-ghosts]

Having seen more rounds of "fandom is wrong! Gideon isn't a lesbian, she's bi/pan/omni!"

I'm digging this interview back up. Gideon is canonically a butch lesbian. She was written that way deliberately by the lesbian author.

[deimosbreakfrost]

THE FISH ARE TAKING OVER

NOOOOOOO THE FISHHHHH

Eat them

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

If we lived in the Scott Pilgrim universe, some kind of faggot special task force would have shown up on the set of The Giggle and arrested Neil Patrick Harris for crimes against Camp.

[hue-makes-burgers]

so people call billy billy HUTCHINS ???

[roundestrow1et]

[flaresanimedump]

Because, for some obscure reason, ranfuku is dragging me into ABO kicking and screaming after almost a decade of the trope squicking me out, I wrote out every dynamic combination that could exist for them.

And caught Omega Ranpo/Omega Fukuzawa brainworms. Fukuzawa thinks he's helping Ranpo with his heats because he's experienced them himself and knows how. Ranpo thinks they're a couple. Not that Fukuzawa does anything to contradict Ranpo - it just isn't a conscious decision on his part. Ranpo didn't get the memo that he has to tell Fukuzawa they're dating. Imagine how tiring it must be having to tell everyone things that are right in front of their faces.

Fukuzawa thinking Ranpo and Poe are on the verge of becoming mates and being sad about it. Not really knowing why, he's just wistful and melancholy whenever Ranpo and Poe are together. People start whispering "empty-nest syndrome" and "when will his husband return from the war" behind his back. Taneda and Mori do it to his face but he expects comments like that from them and ignores them.

Ranpo can't figure out what's wrong?? Like. Fukuzawa's not. a needy person. It took him a long time to get used to having Ranpo around and he still likes to have a little time to himself. Ranpo thought he'd like the space.

And Ranpo noticed the sighing and the sad stares way before anyone else. He knows it happens when he's with Poe and he knows it gets better when he comes back to Fukuzawa but it doesn't go away and it's driving him a little crazy. Do you not like Poe is a question that puts Fukuzawa into such a sorry state that Ranpo eats all the candy in a one mile radius around the office in the following days, even if Fukuzawa's reply was I think he's a wonderful boy.

Eventually (after maybe two weeks, he's not a patient person) Ranpo can't take it anymore and demands to know what's gotten into you lately!? And Fukuzawa has no answer because he's not sure either, really. He always knew their situation was temporary. They'll still work together, still see each other every day, but thinking about giving his intimacy with Ranpo away makes his throat ache. So he says nothing. I'll just miss you, is all. to which Ranpo replies where am I going??

And this is the magic question at last, because Fukuzawa says to be with Poe and the lights start coming on. He and Poe are friends, why would he leave to be with Poe long enough for Fukuzawa to miss him and wait did you really think I was cheating on you!?

And Fukuzawa is puzzled. Ranpo, we're not a couple, he says with a chuckle.

And Ranpo's speechless for a few seconds because Fukuzawa cannot really be THAT dense. He cannot really think they're not together. He grabs Fukuzawa's shoulders and shakes him, shouting do you live in your own universe or something?! Of course we're a couple!!

Fukuzawa looks taken aback, replying thinly, But we're both omegas.

Ranpo's mind spirals out of place, scouring their shared history and coming up with a truly ridiculous answer for just what the hell is going on.

You've never cheated on me. You've never turned your head for anyone else. He says carefully. Fukuzawa doesn't need to confirm it, Ranpo knows it's true. It's always felt nice, how Fukuzawa likes him and only him. Watching him curl his lip at alphas and hurry back to Ranpo's side was always a little thrill. And a little relief.

You thought I was going to leave you for Poe because he's an alpha.

Again, Fukuzawa doesn't need to confirm it, Ranpo knows it's true.

But you are head over heels totally embarrassingly in love with me just like I always thought, enough that you've been wasting away at the mere thought of me maybe leaving you sometime in the near future.

Fukuzawa looks like he wants to protest. But he doesn't. Then he looks lost. The conversation has veered away from the destination he assumed they were heading toward and Ranpo's named the feeling tightening his chest, even if he did it with far more bravado than necessary. He can't deny it. And he doesn't know what to say - he's still an omega just like Ranpo.

Ranpo drags him down close and smiles a little too sharply. If you want dynamics that bad I'll be your alpha for tonight.

Fukuzawa comes back to work with a scar on the back of his neck and nobody presses the subject.

His husband came back from the war, I guess, Yosano mutters, making everyone struggle to hide their laughter.

[mazojo]

Love is war said gay people are REAL

[detectiveangel]

the public enemy (1931)

this scene of young james cagney getting felt up by a flirty gay tailor (harold minjir) is so indelibly burned into my brain, i think about it several times a week at least

[adolin]

“how dare you say we piss on the poor” is perhaps THEE best piece of vernacular to come out of tumblr dot com in the past decade. along with “what were you doing at the devils sacrament” (cheeky. inspired. relevant in every context) and “harold, they're lesbians” (timeless. funny as hell. gay)

[hotvintagepoll]

What are some screwball comedy pairings you wish had been a thing? Can definitely be gay ones :)

Okay finally!

One of the reasons I made this blog in the first place is that few things bring me as much blinding rage as imagining the movies we could have gotten, if old Hollywood had stopped being racist/homophobic/anti-everyone for ten fucking seconds. There were so many talented hotties working through our tournament era who only got cameo spots or no-budget movies! for no reason beyond white supremacy! there were so many stories that didn't get told because heaven forbid we acknowledge gay people! If this blog has a mission statement, a big chunk of it would be about highlighting all the amazing hotties who never got what they deserved in their heyday.

So! Let's tear Louis B. Mayer a new one and make some better movies.

Diamond Eyes (1946)

Harold Nicholas, the bored but fabulous son of a Manhattan millionaire, decides to take himself off on a transatlantic cruise to recover from the boredoms of socialites, constant martinis, and west side glamor. When working girl Rita Hayworth snags him into a fake dating scheme to throw off a jealous ex (Cesar Romero), he doesn't mean to fall in love with his false fiancé—or to set the ex up with his scheming accountant (Tyrone Power).

To the Tune of Millions (1945)

Ann Miller and Lena Horne are conwomen besties who use a fake dance act to get into casinos, which they then promptly rob. Unfortunately, an over-enthusiastic talent agent (Gene Kelly) sees the act and thinks they're legitimate, hiring them on the spot as the lead number in a newly opened but already failing musicale review. Who can they hustle at a theater that's barely bringing in a dime? The two ex-cons fall in love with show business, Kelly and Horne smooch at the grand finale, and Miller has an intense will-they-or-won't-they sparring relationship with the hot stage manager (Ethel Waters—and they will).

Untitled Three's-a-Crowd Film (1942)

Cary Grant, Jean Arthur, and Ronald Colman are running interference on a corrupt justice system while trying to keep up the act that they are all simply cohabitating in a shared AirBnB and definitely not falling in love with each other. Wait. This is actually The Talk of the Town. This movie actually exists and does veer this hard into polyamorous romance.

Tomatoes and Toast (1928)

Anna May Wong and Greta Garbo eat sandwiches for three hours. It's riveting.

One Soul, Two Bodies (1948)

Farley Granger and Vincent Price star as Alexander the Great and Hephaestion in this sword-and-sandals period piece. Though clearly made on a studio backlot with a budget of $3, the dashing romance grounds the chariot races and cardboard sword battle sequences.

Grand Central Station (1931)

Interconnected narratives of Josephine Baker, Joan Blondell, Dolores del Río, and Fredric March all vying for the last seat on the 5:45 train out to Poughkeepsie. When they realize they're jostling to sit next to the same sugar daddy who's been stringing all of them along, the four decide to unionize. Pre-code thrills; the four-in-a-bunk Pullman car scene remains notable for a reason.

I have more but I think I've gone a bit delirious.

[the-bar-sinister]

There's lots of gay subtext in Ace Attorney. 

But when looking specifically at subtext that might be intentionally put in the narrative by the creators with the intention that the character in question is actually gay, I think the main character with the most evidence behind this is actually Apollo Justice.

Our other main characters, Phoenix Wright and Athena Cykes both have obvious subtextually heteronormative romantic partners. To an adult, straight, culturally normative audience, Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey read normatively as an obvious romantic pairing. This is also the case for Athena Cykes and Simon Blackquill. In Great Ace Attorney the same can be said for Ryuunosuke and Susato. 

I repeat– to an adult, straight culturally normative audience, the romantic subtext between these characters is clear. If you showed these games to an American movie going public, that would be the obvious read by the audience.

Yes, each of these characters, Phoenix, Athena, and Ryuunosuke also have strong queer romantic subtext with another character. (Miles, Juniper, and Kazuma respectively).

However, that's not my point. It's not significant that each of the other three characters has homosexual relationship subtext.

It is significant that Apollo Justice does not have a character with whom he has heteronormative romantic subtext.

The closest thing Apollo Justice has to a "heteronormative romantic subtext" is Trucy Wright– whom we, the audience know is his sister.

And yes, you can make the argument that there is deliberate incestuous subtext between them– a kind of Luke/Leia style relationship with which the audience is teased by the narrative. Dhurke brings it up directly in Spirit of Justice.

However, this is still not a heterenormative subtext, because of its taboo nature. More taboo, culturally at this point, than homosexuality.

On top of the lack of heteronormative romantic subtext, Apollo also is on the receiving end some of the strongest and most overt of the homosexual subtext in the series.

There is of course the famous "meet cute" introduction between Apollo and Klavier– 

“I must say, I'm used to being inspected by the ladies... but this is the first time I've felt this way with another man.”

This is without question overt homosexual subtext.

However, there is another, even more subtextually clearly defined moment in Dual Destinies. Honestly, the subtext is all over Dual Destinies in the way Apollo reacts to Clay Terran's death (basically completely losing it) but there's one particular moment that deliberately draws your attention to the relationship in a queer way.

In one of the last cases of the game, everyone is delicately trying to explain to the judge that Aura Blackquill was in love with Metis Cykes (who was murdered) in a queer way. It's a big “they’re lesbians, harold” moment.

And then the conversation immediately turns to Apollo Justice and how he’s just had someone who was “important to him” murdered, too.

The narrative specifically draws you attention to the relationship that Aura and Metis had, and compares it to the relationship between Apollo and Clay.

You are specifically invited to speculate about what kind of important relationship Clay and Apollo had, and why Apollo has been affected so incredibly deeply.

So yeah. Between Clay, Klavier, and the lack of anything resembling a heteronormative romantic relationship for Apollo in the games, I think he has the strongest narrative evidence that he's actually being written deliberately as gay.

[henry7931]

The Brat Who Mowed My Lawn

Harold:

You know this kid is a real piece of work! But now that I have his body that’s all gonna change.

Chase has mowed my lawn for a couple of years now and I should have fired him for his poor attitude awhile ago.

The only is that he’s only one around I know who will do it well. Being an old man, it’s hard to get around but my ears and eyes still work!

Well I guess that’s a problem of the past for me and more of a problem for Chase.

All I do is catch that boy up to know good. And I knew for a fact he was going to be just as much of a bully and an a hole in college as we was for the last 18 years of his life.

What really upset me was how mean he would be to that sweet gay kid next door Joseph. That kid didn’t do anything to him!

Well I got a surprise for Chase when he wakes up from my nap, not only is now old, going to have trouble moving around but he’s going to hear about his body coming out as a proud gay man!

You know this is the last thing I’m going to do for him which is a free mow of his new lawn haha!

Now I better get back to my new home before he wakes up.

10 minutes later:

“Wooowee!! These piggies right here stink!”

But look how sexy my new young toes look! Let me get a good ole sniff…

*sniff*

Boy that makes my new pecker harder than a pool!

I take a little peak at my growing boner and it’s a pretty good size.

I walk over to my window to see if he’s gotten up yet but that’s when I spot that sweet gay boy walking.

I crack open the window and say, “Joseph!! Hey hold up a minute, I wanna talk to you!”

He looks nervous and I say, “I promise, it’s nothing bad. Just give me 2 minutes.”

I run downstairs and meet him at my door.

He looks at me shyly and I say, “hey I owe you an apology.”

“Really?”

“Yeah I’ve been awful to you and— it’s because I haven’t been honest with myself. I just see you out here being so you and truthful… I guess what I’m trying to say is…. I’m gay too.”

He looks shocked hearing the words come out of my mouth.

“It’s okay Chase, I uhhh I’m kinda surprised but thank you for the apology.”

“Well how I’ve been was not acceptable at all and I would love to make it up to you.”

“Yeah?”

I scoot closer to him, “I think you’re awfully cute and uh… what are you doing right now?”

I was gonna ask him on a date but my bodies hormones are losing control right now.

“Nothing really.”

“Well you wanna hang out?”

1 hour later:

So Joseph and I made out for a bit which kinda led us to heavy pettin’

And well I may have let him explore my new body. And we’re pretty compatible, we both like smelly pits, dirty feet, he even let me play with his cute toes too.

But the best part was the foot job he gave me. It felt amazing on my new pecker. He even let me lick all the cum off his toes.

Now he wants to come back tonight for a “sleepover.” Good thing is that my new parents won’t mind, that it matters I’m a grown adult at my age.

Oh wait I’m getting a FaceTime, oh look who it is! It’s the old sleepy grandpa.

“Hello Mr. Harold, how did you like your yard?”

“SHUT UP OLD MAN! AND GIVE ME BACK MY BODY!”

“Oh no, is everything okay over there? You don’t sound well. Should I call someone?”

“Don’t play stupid! You need to give me back my body or—“

“Or what exactly? You’re going to beat me up? Tell someone? Listen, I don’t think anyone had ever taught you a lesson so I’ll make this easy for you.”

*click*

Poor old man, sounds like he’s going through a lot. Oh well!

*A Few Months Later*

“Ugh are you going to tease me with this clothes on or are you gonna join me?” says Joseph my currently naked boyfriend standing with an erection in front of me.

“Well let me start out with my socks, I know you love my feet after a long day.”

“God you I do love your feet but I especially love that nice cock of yours.”

Joseph impatiently hops into the recliner with me and I embrace his body wrapping my hands and with his cock.

“So glad your parents are out of town, I can’t wait until we’re ‘college roommates’ next week.”

“I know then we can do this every night,” I say pinching his ass.

Joesph or Joey as I like to call him makes a yelping noise,

“Oh my god, I forgot to ask you. Did you hear about our old neighbor next door?”

“Oh yeah, poor old guy. Well you wanna take this upstairs because I’m horny as f*ck now.”

“Please! And you better fuck me tonight Chase, I’m not giving you a foot job again.”

“But!!! But you’re so good at them baby and your feet are so sexy!”

“Nope I want you rail me.”

“Fine!”

[deimosbreakfrost]

Deimos what is that icon that you're using rn...

Our lord and savior Coop Cooplowski

Why is he like that

[iam-anordinary-human-orami]

I know spotify wasn't a thing probably for the aftg universe but like imagine it was and the trojans are holding a spotify wrapped unwrapped party or some dumb name like that, where they gather the team and what they do essentially is they write down what their top 5 songs were on a piece of paper, give it to this year's presenter and that person plays songs from each top 5 and the trojans have to figure out whose list it is.

So everyone thinks oh jean probably listens to french music, whether classical or otherwise, cause he seems to be so out of touch with pop culture. But, they forget that Jean started living with two lesbians and a gay golden retriever(I don't mean bark bark) and so his music horizons have widened.

So it's Jean's top 5, no one knows of course. Presenter is one of the trojans "and here goes our next mystery contestant starting off strong with... a band named, I assume it's a band, um plastic titties?" People are snickering, "we get it you're gay" "they're lesbians Harold!", and Jean tenses but hides it very well that it's his top 5. Song starts. It's a screamo punk indie rock combo. Ppl start making guesses, "your honour I think it's Cat, only she knows fringe bands with monthly listeners less than this team's defence line" cat yelling back "not my fault you're a slave to the trends you swiftie!" , "Look me in the eye and tell me you dont know the words to 'love story' " , "Settle down, we ain't finished yet. Any other guesses?" , "Are we sure it's not one of the coaches?" , "Which coach do YOU think would listen to, and I repeat, 'plastic titties'? And if anyone else responds with 'your mom' I'm banning u from this round" , "Play the next one so we cop a feel" , "Why u gotta make it weird bro"

"Okay next one!" And the next one is like an intense rap song "someone's covering their tracks people", "we need to figure out whether this is working out music or what they genuinely listen to", "go on to the next one cause this is a bop but it could be anyone", "couldn't be Jeremy though" Jeremy standing up for himself "hey, I listen to rap" , "says the person who's top song was probably by Natasha Bedingfield", "beat the Sugababes fan allegations and then refer to our captain"

"Riight, next one is" and the next one is a funky hip hop anti-establishment song "sounds like Laila people" laila making it clear "I do listen to them but I can guarantee you that's not in my top favourites, not because it's not a banger, but because I don't listen to this album very much" , "she's lying to the defence your honour!" , "No one's in trial Cody sit down" Jean turning to look at Jeremy "and this is supposed to be a bonding exercise?" Jeremy thoroghouly invested in the game and scribbling down "bet you it's Ananya, she's been awfully quiet" Jean rolls his eyes, his hands crossed while he looks upon the second best collegiate exy team and wondering how his life came to this

"Aight? Is there anyone that has an educated guess?" Shawn puts his hand up, presenter says "I said educated" Shawn puts his hand down.

The last two songs are like an indie creepy heartfelt song and a ballad. This throws everyone off. At the end of the round everyone is accusing everyone and their mother, Jean with a sigh and rubbing his temples "we could be doing drills" , someone yells "I bet my firstborn it's Nabil!" , "You are an embarrassment to this team, sit down!" "Nabil is an anime nerd, I didn't hear a single Naruto in that playlist!", "That's not amv music your honour" , "bring the strikers forward let them justify their crimes upon the eyes of God!" , "If it's a crime to have good taste lock👏 me 👏up👏"

The presenter gets tired after a while "alright, kindly shut your traps so we can have a winning day! The mystery contestant is.. drumroll people! The mystery contestant isss....Jean" Silence. And then "I didn't know the french listen to screamo?", "But your honour, this is not coloniser music?", "Amelie is not even on there though", someone quietly "not a single song about baguettes?", "What's next? Jeremy Knox being a secret death metal fan?"

Meanwhile, Dan got the foxes to post screenshots of their top 5 songs on social media. The Internet is breaking cause why is Andrew Minyard's top song by the veronicas???