#we dont talk about my main account in this side blog I'm using

[lizaluvsthis]

Hey Liz! I have a question for you! Do have any other social media accounts other than this to follow you in? I love your artwork and the Indigo series your making! Got me hooked into the comic! XD

I dont use any other social media platforms from posting things about smg4 BUT-

Heres a thing. This account is a sideblog- (cough-)

And yknow how it is a sideblog- I have a main account-

See the thing is- I never told anyone here I was a multifandom person, like I genuinely started making Smg4 when I dropped in.

If you want to know something?

I have- my main account. That I've been on- here on tumblr... for almost 3 years...

I was actually planning to leave since that fandom I'm in isn't giving me much motivation like the ship smg34 I'm in- but I cant LEAVE due to other reasons... (AU lore/Animatic gift for someones fic)

Side blog? COUGH- WHAT OTHER SIDEBLOGS- HEHEH... I DONT HAVE ANY OTHER SIDEBLOGS? UR DELUSIONAL-

[the-sour-patch-crew]

It's always fascinating finding out people have us blocked that we have never interacted with. Overall, I like to think we've never been antagonistic towards anyone in tags. Never attacked anyone. Never harassed. We've been very civil, even in our disagreements (that I recall at least). We have a few side blogs, and not many people have the main account blocked, so I always find out only after I go to make a comment and then see what accounts are greyed out. Silly little bonus feature of side blogs.

So

Is it because we sometimes have syscourse?

Is it because we are endogenic or identity as mixed origin?

Is it because we support all forms of plurality?

It's an amusing game. People may block for so many reasons, but those are the three main things we can think of. It's particularly amusing when people love or agree with things on our side blog but apparently hate this account. Extra funny.

If it's because people think we are toxic or out to get systems and corrupt singlets and poison traumagenic systems, then I feel quite awful for someone living in such a fearful and distorted outlook on life and others. Well, if that was the case, then why is our popular side blog not blocked? That blog is all of those things and very loud about it. But also, my partner is a DID system. I am very, very aware that multiplicity is not a silly little game. To say I spread misinformation and am bad for CDD systems blows my mind when I spend every day supporting one. What happens on Tumblr is pointless at the end of the day because what *really* matters is the support and understanding I give to them. We are a living example of how STUPID syscourse is between endogenic and traumagenic systems. Get the fuck off of social media and actually spend time supporting eachother instead of fighting.

Oh! Mayhaps it's our age. It's always interesting when it's our age. I promise we are not creeps and are quite safe to be around. Siblings, work, friends, and online communities have made me very aware of what is appropriate and how to coexist amongst a wide age range of people. I wanted to be a teacher once, and still would love to be an elementary art teacher. I promise I don't bite.

Maybe it's our fictives. I know some people cannot stand their sources or them as individuals. Which again is quite sad. Ashe and Alastor are both amazing people. I dont think I've met a single person who didn't like Ashe once they got talking with her (minus like two assholes that were ultimately voted as assholes by the entire server lol). I point her out because she's been here the longest and I owe her a lot so yeah I kinda play favorites a bit. Because I honestly love her. I say this with all the love for Al and the newest member. They aren't hurt by me saying that. They get it. Honestly, I don't think Al cares enough to be offended.

Maybe it's because I'm a furry. People always hate on furries. But that's okay. People hate on anyone who is different from them. Its why the furry, queer, and alterhuman community are so tight-knit. I'm just a silly fox in the end.

Is it because I'm critical of behavior and use of terms by people who kff or are transid? Is it because I'm thiiiiis close to being that "awful" trans guy that would still classify himself as a lesbian if only I could stop shifting gender representation every few years?

Is it because I'm working through trauma and people think that suddenly makes me being endogenic a lie? Is that the proof that people need to hate me? You hate systems with trauma and you hate systems without it. There's no winning.

Is it because I promote daemonism? *GASPS*

I'm not mad at being blocked. The internet hates and blocks people for so many reasons. I block a specific group of people every time we see them in the tags. I do it because I TRY to live by the motto if I have nothing nice to say I shouldn't say it at all. I also apply this to thoughts. If I see posts that constantly make me think shitty things about people and they aren't actively harming me or the people I care for, I block them. Because placing that into the universe is kinda fucked, even if they never would know about it.

I don't NEED people to like me. But I'll admit it's been a HUGE hurdle in my life. Trying to not care about what others think about me has always been a major issue growing up. I think everyone and anyone can relate to that. There's a saying I try and keep to and its how I'm going to end this post. [GRANTED this post has been an intoxicated, headache fueled rant at 2 in the morning. We all know how things get around 2 and 3. That's when shit gets fun (no it really doesn't I just want to sleep please) ]

[littlebouncybunnie]

♡Introduction / Rules / DNI list♡

Hi!! I'm Bunni, and this is my SFW agere/ age dreaming blog! I might also post some Petre from time to time.

Some basics:

♡ I am an adult (21)

♡ I use agere as a coping mechanism for a lot of things

♡ You can like and reblog, but please do not repost

♡ Minors, please do not try to contact me, I dont mind if you like or reblog, but let's try to keep things appropriate here, we want everyone to stay safe online <3

♡ This blog is mostly for headcanons and so I can talk about various fandoms, I MIGHT write fics, but I'm not entirely sure just yet, as of right now, I don't think I will

♡ Please keep things respectful! Again, we want everyone to be safe and have a good time here, so if you don't like something I post, please don't be rude about it, just block me. If it's a mistake I've made, then you're more than welcome to comment and correct me, and I'll more than likely apologize and try to fix my mistake.

♡ This is SFW!! This is a coping mechanism for not only me but for most others as well, it is NOT s-xual in any way, shape, or form. If you are someone who is trying to s-xualize it, you will be blocked on sight, without hesitation.

♡ Some of the fandoms I write for might be more mature, like Hazbin Hotel, but I promise I will keep it SFW on this platform, I will not write k-nk or mature themes.

♡ keep in mind that this is a side blog and not my main, so if you follow me, I might not follow you back unless I see you're in the same community as my main account (It's sfw I promise, just a little odd and embarrassing)

DNI list

☆ LGBT-phobe

☆ k-nk/ NSFW blogs

☆ Racist

☆ Xenophobe

☆ Zoophiles

[ambiguousgrass]

ambiguousgrass pinned post wooo yippeee yay

a few things

-My name is grass ambiguousgrass

-pronouns- /it/beep/void/boo/grass/⭐️/🦝/🌱he/she/they

-if I have liked your art and not reblogged, it's in my queue! you'll see it there in a few days!

-I DO ART HERES THE link to art taglist

-i am always following and unfollowing people Im SORRY!! its not personal i just need my dashboard to be Better

more information under the cut if ur interested :3

Art

•this is an art blog! its few and far between but its there!!

•art requests are open!

•all of my art is tagged as grass does art linked here for your convenience ^_^

•If you'd like to be notified when I post a finished piece, interact in any way with the linked post here (rbs appreciated <3)

•you are welcome to use my art in any non-commercial way, as long as proper credit is given. (for example personal icons, print outs, banners, etc. are cool. selling it as stickers or claiming it as your own is not ok.)

•my main mediums are pen&ink, graphite pencil, colored pencils, watercolors, acrylic, clay, cardboard, and digitally i use procreate.

blog contents/fandoms

used to be a dsmp fan but I'm trying to distance myself from that. on account of the everything.

Now its just stuff?? i dont know.

maybe a little TMA here and there? I love the podcast but i have to take breaks from listening to it very often due to the disorders

Every day i get closer and closer to posting about doctor who so enjoy this who free era while it lasts. i might give up and make a side blog one day but who knows. haha. who

edit: I have very much posted about dr who. and also discovered torchwood now. to all the normal people following me my condolences. it is going to get worse

boun der ries

be nice to me

I block and unfollow liberally on account of I meticulously curate my dashboard forfun

- spam likes/rbs/etc are so very welcome! i may seem to be dead for a little while after due to my possum like swag but its ok

-mutuals can ask for my discord if you want but i don't talk much on there.

-feelfree to tag me on stuff. reblog chains. a funny video. art that id like. whatever!! I may not respond but thats just because that stuff gets buried in my notifs and i forgor about them

tagging system

‼️‼️being redone‼️‼️

i realized that tagging things the way i didnt was not working for me so everythings untagged for the time being. I'll redo my tagging system but I'm not going back to fix old posts so this key will stay here along with the updated version. its going to be a while though

grass yells into the void - original posts

grass reblogs - reblogs

the void yells back - asks

grass does art - my own art

​grass queues things - queue

undescribed- posts i create or reblog without image description

fav -posts i like a lot

animals - creatures i like

food - food

c!clingyduo the world - cclingyposting

dr who- dr who

mlp- mlp

tma- tma

(any fandom i post about has a pretty straightforward tag for it in theory)

media types are tagged. (for example #video or #gif.) this is not super consistent, my apologies.

further tagging

as stated above, i tag posts that don't have ID as "undescribed."

the majority of my original posts have image descriptions in their alt texts, which I do myself.

we do not use a screenreader, so I am always willing to hear about ways I can improve the way i post things to make things more accessible.

I occasionally add image descriptions to things i reblog, but I don't do so often.

I have a pretty loose system for tagging potentially upsetting content, but if you ask me to tag a specific thing in a specific way I will do my best to uphold that.

original posts are tagged with as many different trigger tags as I can just to cover all the bases, but rbs are usually just tagged as the thing im warning for [for example- #spiders]

I may reblog posts reguarding political issues, and these will also be tagged as the thing im talking about for filtering purposes.

active sideblogs

@ambiguousseagrass criaturas del mar 🌊 🐠

@ambiguousgrassstims - stimboards nd the like

may be more at somepoitn. shrugs.

thats it bye bye

[yourstruly-thenarrator]

Welcome! Please enjoy yourself! I know I am...~

!-Pinned post-! Please read;

Main account: @animnightmare

Alt main: @morally-gray-omens (contact me here if its been a while with no contact from me!)

This is a RP account for the narrator from the stanley parable!

Lightly updated for my return!

WARNINGS FOR THE ACCOUNT:

[If theese apply to you, should probobly mute it. Dont have to ofc!]

Lots of cursing. The narrator is extremely abusive and manipulative twords others, probobly has acute Narcissism. There is some horror/weirdcore imagery including eyes. Lots of long posts. I do my best to do readmores, but when rping in rbs, there's not much I can do. Also possibly derealisation? I'm back at recognizing it when its not outright, but I thing I'll mention it to stay on the safe side.

I do my best to tag things, but things do slip through the cracks, and it's also kinda hard to avoid some of this when interacting with this account as a whole. So if you want to avoid it altogether, please feel free to not interact with the account.

Rules!

I only really have one rule for this account that isn't a rule of the comunity or my accounts as a whole. Wich is; dont break the fourth wall of rp. You can break the fourth wall of theese being videogame charicters of course, but mentioning in charicter that you're in a RP just makes things kinda not fun imo.

Do interact if!;

You like the stanley parable!

You are a rp account!

You are ok with in charicter responses!

Or all of the above and more! ^^

Muses;

The narrator

[Eyestrain warning]

My main muse

Very full of himself

Stuck in the skip button ending

Nickname Skips though he resents having a nickname in the first place

"Why would I need a different name??? I'm THE narrator!"

"Usually talks like this"

"Somtimes like this"

"Now and then like this"

"Also like this somtimes"

It usually depends on his emotions and the context

You have full permission to hurt him at any moment, physically or emotionally, without asking first.

He/him but doesn't really care

Stanley![?]

Debut here

currently also frozen in skip button

Not actually stanley

Or human for that matter

We don't know much about him yet

Arguably sentient

Feel free to try and interact with him though

"*Gutteral, inhuman sounds*"

Created by the narrator in a move of reverse logic to show everyone how little he needed company

Mostly ignores stanley and treats him like a brainless child

You don't have to ask to hurt it either,

But why would you??

It/he but doesn't really understand

The owner of the account!

You can call me whatever you want. My primary pronouns are he/they/it/beep, but I use virtually everything. Get creative! I prefer she/her to only be used sparingly, though, if at all, and typically by people im closer to though i take no offense.

As linked up there, my main is @animnightmare . Im ageless across all my blogs, so if you have an age limit in your DNI, I'd suggest just not interacting, and I'll leave you alone whether i break it or not. (i am most certianly old enough to be online though, ill say that much lmao)

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Can you imagine losing interest in BTS and their music ever? I've seen it's a hot topic on Twitter, how some fans just lost connection and how others put it as "exiting the magic shop". I don't understand. I spent my teens listening to the Beatles, Incubus and now that I'm 30's I still love them. I suppose it could happen but I just dont like it when people say they lost interest bec BTS has already healed them. Like, you can heal and listen to them at the same time right? Your thoughts guys?

First of all, thank you for this ask because this is such an interesting topic.

Secondly, I'm fairly sure this whole thing about "being healed from BTS", as in stopping being ARMY/stanning BTS was started by "ex-ARMYs" (or people cosplaying as such) on either twt or t*kt*k (or both) as a way to feed into the narrative of how you can only possibly like Bangtan while you're "sick" but eventually you get "healed" and move on to other artists, specifically other K-Pop groups. It's also occasionally used by people who stopped "stanning" BTS to make themselves look better in the eyes of kpoppies (or suck up to them) and to get hit twts. A quick twt search showed me a twt where someone spoke about how now that they've "left the Magic Shop" they're able to "love other people" and have found themselves in (Other Group’s fandom name)-land. As in Bangtan healed them so now they can listen to/stan “better” groups.

Do I think there are also genuine people among them who credit BTS for helping them heal before moving on? Probably, but I find the phrasing and way of thinking rather weird and also something that plays into the stereotype that liking a "boy band" is just a phase that you grow out of and then move on to "real music". 

Are there people who genuinely "lost" whatever connection they felt or interested they had in BTS? Probably, though sometimes I feel like people misinterpret twts where people talk about leaving ARMY twt/their sns stan accounts as them stopping being a fan which is false. Being a fan of a musician is more than just posting on your stan account, right? There are plenty of people who are ARMY yet don't engage in fandom sns.

Now circling over to your question about if we/I can imagine basically falling out of love with an artist (BTS) and, well, personally I think it depends on certain factors. Just like you in my early teens I used to listen to a band called HIM, a little later to a band called Placebo, and to this day, if someone asks me who my favorite rock band is, I still name both of them without hesitation despite not actively listening to them anymore the way I do with Bangtan, as example. Yet it doesn't change the fact that I still love their music and check out what Placebo are up to from time to time. 

I think there are certain bands and artists whose music simply does something for us, this specific something that makes us connect to them in a deeper sense, in one that makes their music and artistry stick with us even far down the line when we might not listen to them daily anymore, might not check their sns every day anymore, or even at all. At this point I'm pretty sure BTS are exactly that for me as well. I can imagine that perhaps one day I might not be as invested (invested in the sense of having a stan account and blogging about them) anymore as I am now, because that's natural, but I doubt I'll ever go as far as saying "I've lost interested" or "been healed from being ARMY" or whatever else some say.

So, when I said it depends on different factors if you'll ever fall out of love/loose interest, what did I mean by that? I think a major deciding factor is why you became ARMY/a fan in the first place and what it is that keeps you interested in them.

More below the cut:

If you became a fan because you’re into shipping and your main focus is your ship and nothing else, honestly, I doubt you’ll stick around all that long. And I say that as a vminnie and namjinist myself. I imagine, if the only thing about Bangtan I would care about would be those two pairings and I would spend all my time hunting for clues and looking at gifs/pictures and discussing them and nothing else, their music only being of interest to me if I could make it about my ship? I’ll be honest, I would probably lose interest in less than a year because you can’t possibly remain invested in two people, their lives, “relationship clues” and ship fights with others for years without basically getting tired of it.

Also when I say just focusing on a ship, I literally mean just the ship aspect, not even the artistry those two people have, like their music etc, but just the bond they have and nothing else. And yes, there definitely are people like this. I’ve seen Xkookers only care about (insert song here) because they thought it was about their ship but once they realized it isn’t, they never brought up the song again, and never spoke about the song itself at all. And I don’t want to just point my finger at them, there are also people who ship other pairings who act this way as well, definitely.

At the end of the day, eventually you’ll have analyzed all there was to be analyzed, discussed every aspect and detail, seen every moment and taken it apart, and will have had every fight you could have, and then...what? There’s only so much “content” and “entertainment” you can get out of someone else’s life and bond and that’ll only be able to keep you interested for so long...and then what?

But if you got interested in Bangtan due to their music first and that is your primary focus while them as people is more of a nice “extra”, that’s “sustainable”, for a lack of better words. They release lots of music every year, have a huge discography along with side/solo projects, their lyrics are so layered and you can find so much in them, immerse yourself in their artistry. Their music can become your companion, basically. There are so many ARMY that have songs and albums that mean the world to them, that helped them heal or love themselves, that they keep coming back to, that engage in discussions about their music, old and new, and who find boundless joy in all of it while also adoring the members themselves.

If you got into them for their personalities while thinking their music is just okay, an all right extra, but you love their bonds and shows like RUN or Bon Voyage, I could imagine that being some kind of middle group but then again, why stan musicians whose music you only find okay? Would you be a fan of an actor whose personality you like but find the movies they are in and their acting ability mediocre/okay?

I’ve been around for a long time and the way I think that’s possible, and why I think I will remain ARMY for years to come as well, is because I genuinely love their music, love spending time listening to it, reading about it, talking to others about it, but also because I adore the members, their personalities and who they are, their bonds, their variety show type content and vlives, and I adore vmin and namjin. While I love talking about vmin/namjin, if I had to just focus on that (as in the ‘ship’ aspect of their bonds) all the time, I’d get exhausted and/or reach a point where everything that could be said would be said, but because I also spend a lot of time with OT7 content and in non-shipper ARMY spaces, with their music, their other content, reading their interviews and everything else, it’s a “sustainable” way to be ARMY. And I’ve seen and spoken to other ARMYs who have been around far longer than me, some even having been around since the very beginning, even before their debut, and that's how they’ve remained ARMY since, because it was this package deal that they fall in love with, the fact that they spend their time engaging in different fandom discussions and activities, instead of hyper focusing on a certain part of it exclusively, like shipping.

Of course, if you fell in love with the package deal in your twenties while in a dark place but then reached your thirties and, with the help of their music (side note: while Namjoon (inspired by Seokjin) told us to use BTS to be happy, don’t put the “responsibility” of healing you/helping you heal solely on an artist, since that’s not fair or healthy, rather if you really need help/assistance/someone to talk to, please reach out to someone, friends or family, or a professional if you can) and other (outside) factors, reached a better place and don’t feel as connected to them anymore as you did before, it’s possible you might “unstan”, but that doesn’t have to mean you’ll move away from their music completely, that you’ll make a clean cut and never look back. Especially if they helped you, chances are they will always remain with you one way or another for a long time. At the same time, I guess it’s only natural that sometimes our interests and tastes change and the band you used to love might just not “do it” anymore for you. It’s human. There are bands I used to love as teen but don’t care about anymore nowadays because their music isn’t my taste anymore, I don’t connect with it the way I used to etc. Does something like that make you a fake fan? No, it just, well, makes you human. Though, like I said, at this point I don’t foresee that happening for me with Bangtan and there are a lot, and I mean a lot, of others who will tell you the same thing. We’re in this Bangtan sh*t for life, purple blooded. Even Namjoon joked about how once you get into Bangtan there is no exit anymore. Or that no jammer joke about how once you JimIN you never JimOut.

Lastly there’s also a whole conversation to be had of what will happen once the members start enlisting, or once the daily content turns into monthly, bi-monthly, every half year and eventually only sporadicly spread out throughout the year, when their music will be all that we’ll get instead of music + additional content like sns posts or RUN. What will happen when that day comes? Shippers and those interested in their personalities will stop “being fed” and eventually their interest will dwindle away. Those who need to constantly be engaged with and fed to remain interested will likely dwindle away and move on to other content/musicians that’ll keep them fed with new things on a regular. And those who are into their music, or the package deal, they’ll likely still be fans, still love their music and come back and be active when new releases come, still occasionally return to content like watching concerts or old RUN episodes, but even they won’t stick around the same way we all do right now. This isn’t to say that when that day comes we’ll find out who “the real fans are”, because the question of what a real fan is, is a whole other discussion to be had, but rather it’ll be a natural, normal part of fandom, of a musicians career, of a human cycle.

Take AC/DC as example, after so many decades they still have fans that show up when they release a new album, but I doubt those fans have active stan accounts and engage in daily fandom stuff the way you do with a constantly active/present artist like BTS etc. And I can imagine that’ll be Bangtan and ARMY much later down the line as well.

To sum it all up, I don’t think there is a black or white answer, merely a gray one.

[chrospw-doodles]

When the Ink doesn’t flow

So... for starters this is a rant I wrote somewhere between september and november of 2020, it was intended to be posted in my main blog @chrispriceway back then, but I decided to put this here to avoid being too too personal there, I mean it is supposed to be a happy place to goof around and show you cool stuff, that’s why I made this side blog, to be more personal and less awkard so, yeh.

Chris-Jan.2021

What's up everybody, I know I haven't posted anything in a while and I wanted to adress my abcense and some other stuff that I wanted to talk about but never knew how to bring it up.

So, to those who follow me and dont really know who am I as a content creator:

hi, the name is Christian, you can call me Chris, I'm somewhat of an artist and like to post my stuff here.

Now, even if you have been following me for a while you may have noticed that I really don't post very often and that I haven't been around for a while even if I claim that I'm trying to be more active, well I think it's about time to talk about the issue and make some big changes around here.

But first of all, why does it even matter?

Well, to be honest the past three to four years I haven't really seen my online connection as serious business since I am primarly a student, and school does suck all of my time, the problem with that is that I really feel like I havent been respectful to you, the audience, not that I owe you anything but since I am now trying to make a living from my art, it is necessary to take this connection between the audience seriously and with a bit more respect.

In those three years all I've ever did was too much talk and too little deliver, so I apologize to those people who were really invested into the stuff I do, I really appreciate you guys.

So with that aside...

I wanted to talk about mental health.

well MY mental health

I know what you may be thinking, "what the heck Chris? What does this have to do with you being a lazy ass biss?"

Well, it's kinda simple as it is complicated so I will be putting here some bullets to make it easier to you to navigate through and to let you know how long it is going to be to those who really really just want to skip this post already

Introduction

Danplan Drama

College is a biss

When job becomes priority over school

How did all of this affect my mental state

And how I feel about it

Final thoughts

I'm not okay

Well, was, not anymore (mostly), or at least not as serious as I was some monts ago. Listen, shit went down, it's 2020 and that was inevitable, but I really want to go trough some points to give you context.

This year has been specially rough to me because of some circumstances that a few may know, but for context I'll be telling you about it.

The danplan shit did a lotta damage my bros

Ah, yes, long story short, I was an animator in that channel before the figgin drama

But it wasnt really that bad, you see, I really think that it was inevitable that it was going to end like that because of how are those two, but at the time I had to shut a lot of stuff because I didn't wanted to make it worse as the other animators did... but in retrospective, If we had talked about how we felt about the issue in that moment maybe it could have been better, or maybe not, I don't know and maybe I'll post a rant about it some other time (or maybe I wont), the point. is.

It was emotionally taxing, and to be honest it screwed me very bad. You see, I know I am not that good of an artist in comparisson to the others, nor have the best management of my social media, or another project to keep me on the public eye for a while, and since I went back to school I couldnt possible be hired by another channel because of my lack of time; so loosing my job at danplan was a HUGE deal to me because I knew that none of the jobs available in my country could pay off as good nor be as flexible as being an animator was, so that whole ordeal was really, really frustrating.

Then school became a living hell

Since I escentially lost that job I did try desperately to find anything as good to fill the void (it sounds dramatic but believe me, it felt really bad fam.) So the opportunity presented itself and I took a bone in stephen's channel.

In all honesty it was a good job and it was quite fun, but I didn't really stayed as a full time animator, I believe it was due lack of time or maybe my style wasn't really what they were going for, and tbh fair game... but it was still bad news for me because I was that desperate to find a new job, and I was so inmersed on doing that so I wasn't taking good care of my grades.

So now I had two problems, no job, and I was doing terrible on school because of my obsession with the job hunting.

And at the time I was still part of the community...

I was very active in the dp community and in Pau's server, I found great people and did some art because I really felt happy about it...

But honestly, that didn't last long.

School started to be a real problem and I did fail two of my school subjects, at the end of the semester I was burned out, and sleep deprived, so there was that.

One of my finals was a video talking about the drama and stuff and I've never finished it because I ran out of time and eventually I didn't felt it right abaut it, because it was like opening a grave again, like it was something too disrespectful even if it was originally intended for the sake of the animators, to give them, us, some justice at the end of the day... but I couldn't do it. It wasn't fair to everyone else because they moved on.

And that was the beginning of this crappy thing I've been carrying around.

I just. Can't. Finish. Anything.

I just overthink everything and fail before I begin any of the pieces, or Im about to finish but change my mind because Its. Not. Good. Enough.

I have a TON of pieces that never saw the light of the day BECAUSE I'm not in the right state of mind, and it is painful, because I love doing art as much as I love engaging with you guys, even if you are a few to maybe 10 people, I enjoy it. And It sucks to not be able to do stuff because I feel crappy.

And I know for fact that feeling crappy it's a crappy excuse to not do anything

But I don't mean that to anyone else but myself, because I feel like I could be better and do better, but... it isn't working, the global situation did some damage too, and I've been manageing, still, I haven't been able to finish a lot of stuff and honestly, I just want to come back before I become a ghost account.

So what's up? What's poppin'?

The plan is to try to force myself to finish at least one piece per week to keep this alive until I find the will to work normally again.

Maybe it's not the best solution, but I think this will motivate me a little since I really want to materialize some projects that I have had on the back of my head for a long time now, and I really want to start em' and share it with you along the way... so yeah, that's basically it.

Well, that was a long one, and if you happened read this far, thank you, I really appreciate it.

I hope I will be seeing you soon...

Stay creative, my dudes.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Disclaimer first - I'm not negative or angry + very pleased will all the lovely TFW we are getting and one thing I'm disappointed in - Is it just me or is Dean/Cas independent! relationship kinda gone-ish, 80% of all the emotional talks are always on TFW as a whole, never just Dean/Cas, even if Sam isnt there. Dean isn't ever refering to Cas in any emotional way singularly anymore (your OUR best, best friend WE've ever had, glad he cares about US, WE dont leave family behind etcetc) and cas too

Yeah, the big declarations have been all like that but having seen the whole “I love all of you” thing, I feel like they’ve been building up to actually have a family first, which is something I guess is way more important as a long term investment.

Something I’m always coming back to is that horrible isolation of Carver era. Well, I’m currently watching season 7 and at that part where they’ve now finally lost everything and it’s just Sam and Dean and not even the car. Like, Hallucifer and hunting and the Leviathan problem are literally the only constants they have from their old lives. Wow. :P

Carver era sort of puts a bit more of a fragile shell around them by giving Cas back, making Crowley a frenemy, and at least has some outside people like Charlie and Kevin even if they get killed off, but then also the wayward daughters characters who survive it, so there are at least some people to hold them accountable… During that time Cas is their only main constant family and even then terrible stuff is always happening to him and he’s always leaving, so he’s not really around except for little hints of what might be, and Cas picks up so much trauma from that too… 

I don’t know, looking at it from as outside a perspective as I can manage, I think with Mary back, and Cas MEANT to be a member of the family but needing serious integration into the family unit (12x03 with that little conversation showing Mary and Cas are struggling with the exact same thing) the show has to actually believably glue these people back together, and even Sam and Dean have huge splits that have barely been addressed (like Dean apologised for the ridiculous “sam hit a dog” grudge they started Carver era with in like, 11x11, I think? Which means they’d been actually on good terms for like maybe 12 episodes when Mary comes back :P) never mind Cas’s ocean of trauma and Mary being dropped among them out of the blue.

There’s been a real theme of teamwork this season in the big confrontation fights - 12x06, 12x07, 12x10 and 12x12 definitely all had teamwork fights taking down one big enemy together, and I may be forgetting some stuff but it’s more than enough for a pattern that they want to show the characters working together as a large and well-functioning unit - and within that, good dynamics, which they’re still working on especially for Mary, who (as we suspected she would) has only really SOLIDLY bonded with Cas because they’re both outsiders - Dean and Sam fight okay with her by their side but they need to work on interpersonal stuff (and I LOVED the shot this episode of Mary and Dean back to back with a wall between them).

To my eyes the TFW (and Mary) dynamic is clearly top priority and really important for the story they want to tell, and I’m loving the fragile way this family is being built and the exploration of the dynamics (now we’re getting later in the season I’ve seen people comment that Mary and Sam got a bad deal, but honestly for the first like 6 episodes of the season I was contemplating devoting my blog entirely to their drama and just forgetting Dean and Cas completely because I was so into what was going on there, and find it really weird people weren’t picking up on that because I thought all the subtext about Azazel coming between them was brilliant use of the characters and it just all suddenly paid off and I probably yelled louder about a Yellow Eyed demon showing up than I did about the whole “I love you” nonsense. :P There’s a part of my soul which is always going to be seasons 1-2 of Supernatural all on their own >.>)

But I think there’s still a ton of DeanCas this season, just underneath the main message they’re pushing, all the stuff like Dean and Cas just being prioritised when it comes to stuff like of course when the season starts Cas urgently gets back to Dean immediately and the story starts with them together. Of course Sam waits with Lily Sunder while Dean rushes off to help Cas. Of course Dean gets all weird and pissy about Cas working with Crowley and Sam like has nothing to do with this, at all. Of course when they get out of prison Dean is phoning Cas urgently to come get them, and sits in the back of the car with him. Of course he’s the one having the angry feud about caring too much vs being reckless after Cas invites his cosmic consequences. Of course when Cas is dying Dean is the one who rushes over to check on him and subtly all through that sequence is the one with the most focus on ALL the reaction shots, and the centre of the drama. 

And the little things like of course Dean phones Cas here, asks him to stay for breakfast there, is the one to hand him a beer and pat his shoulder, holds on just that much longer when he and Sam haul Cas to his feet (which I think is the perfect 1 tiny moment to demonstrate the whole thing of Dean just caring that little bit more even though Sam and Cas easily and happily could consider each other family at this point)

It’s like… Even when they’re not strictly telling us a story ABOUT Dean and Cas alone there’s just a little bit extra something going on between them, constantly, like, they just drift next to each other, or end up paying way more attention to each other? Like Dean at the diner in 12x12, Cas’s presence and the Mandy thing ends up this itch he has to scratch, he can’t stop bringing it up - weirdness between Dean and Cas derails the conversation repeatedly, and from both Cas and Mary’s POV we see Dean almost, like, fixated on Cas’s presence, while he’s all brotherly and annoying to Sam vying for attention complaining about the wifi, Dean just snores at him and goes back to I think just trying to get a rise out of Cas. 

I wouldn’t say any of this is really doing anything with them because the emotional arc right now is Family and creating a plausible version of Supernatural where it’s not two lonely angry brothers and sometimes people who help them and peripheral people they love but don’t, like… function in this way. Not in this whole promised dynamic of how that group exorcism went down in 12x06, or how Sam and Mary and Dean took on a Prince of Hell to save Cas (and even Crowley proved he has his own strange seat at this table there)… But they’re certainly keeping a sort of ongoing feeling there, that there’s just something extra about how Dean feels about Cas, and as usual, with 12x10 especially, the story about angels and romantic love is repeated and used between Dean and Cas, like, that’s all still there… I don’t know, every time something ridiculously small happens like Cas shows up and Dean rotates his entire body to face him on instinct, I’m like, yeah, we’re still existing in a story where Destiel is a presence.