#we dont talk about 2020
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At the end of each year, I make a moodboard of my current aesthetic and favourites, this is the fourth year in a row I’ve done it
#ethel cain#rural aesthetic#southern goth aesthetic#moodboard#happy new year#we dont talk about 2020
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do you draw and can you show me some of ur drawings if so if not do you have anything you’d want someone to draw (me let me draw you something exept adult men)
I do not draw. I remember I wanted to get good at drawing when I was a freshmen in highschool. I kinda lost motivation after being disencouraged and feel no want to do it anymore. I do sometimes doodle on homework now tho lol. Here is some of my 2020 art 😟
As for if you can draw me something YES PLS??? I would fucking LOVE to see art of dipper braiding mabels hair! (I noticed your pfp is gravity falls so I tried to stick to that theme hehe)
#we dont talk about the 2020 art era#i remember getting teased for being a begginer so i just gave up LAMOAJSJX#dont give up kids#art#fanart#gus porter#the owl house#misa amane#death note#gravity falls#hunter toh#skyj80yaps
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Almost annual redraw of my OC Fortes
#ocs#fortes#original character#shop5 art#illustration#illustration art#we dont' talk about 2020 and 2021
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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(watched visualive again voice) they should be friends
#persona 4#p4#⛽���🌫#moel gas station attendant#tohru adachi#gsa sl au#arttag#boot.tingting#// shoiuld i tag souji idk it feels intrusive <- LOL#// throwing in art here thats technically a year old because i redrew it. i dont know. remember when i was more shameless about them#// ahh let's go back to the days where i would just be watching vl for the 300th time and not the 1000th and id be making#// love letters about it and essays nitpicking all about it than. whatever's happening now#// referring to my pre october 2020 era as WHEN I STILL HAD FAITH#// wish i could talk to that me as the me i am now we would have so much fun and they wouldnt experience the horrors as badly#// sorry for being sentimental lmao i hope you guys are doing well 💪💪💪
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will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual
fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable
#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do#but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years#every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing#we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence#two years ago it was just depressing af#last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once#except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already#but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC#as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs#ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying#and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine#yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig#i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after#yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are#i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t#personal for ts#janie rants
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#it’s actually so weird that in like 3 months harry took all those larry related things and decided to#kinda make it weirder lol#when this past summer we got:#sweet creature is about gemma thing#the blue bandana on his so called American boyfriend lol#and then love of my life here… for my buddy in the pit#and then the olivia tattoo#it really felt like they were trying to reduce any possible larry references to the usual plausible deniability#for example harry hasn’t mentioned tattoo in his songs yet mostly because he couldn’t since#the half part of his tattoes is on louis’ body and there’s no way to deny it#but now he could… and people would relate that eventual line to a woman if that makes sense.#anyway my point is in 2020 the umbro shirt was huge because of the line in fine line too#was it playing both sides was it saying we’re together who knows#but it was fun for the most and then it was sad bc that was larry goodbye to us larries in a way#since after it was mostly hard times and some stupid green and blue lights lmao#not even their music talks about them like it used to lol#and now this pap pics i that shirt…#I dont know man I don’t know#very random… bit scary#it is what it is
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girls when they just finished watching aotv
#ok this is my review#i didnt 'just finished watching' but u get it wtv#louis tomlinson#all of those voices#ok unless u wanna b spoiled u need to get off these tags rn!#i honestly thought there'd be more of the songwriting producing planning and bts footage of him working on his music#like i thought that'd be the main focus#more..... artistry and musicianship things yk? this thought made me want a behind the album doc so bad djfjf#but i do get it bc he set touring up as his ultimate goal as a solo artist. he said early on how it's his fave part in onedee#now im not saying touring ≠ artistry bc duh going on tour is fundamental for artists and for some like louis- it's what they love most#anyw thats just me. a behind the album doc could easily fix this. kinda my fault for expecting a whole different narrative hahshdj#OKAY BUT ANYWAY the first half was jam-packed with lots of feelings. heart rending gut wenching soul crushing stuff#it was so emotional i was with my sister and i didnt wanna cry beside her but i just couldnt help it 😭#him and his family talking in depth about their loss felt gutteral. strong family... about his mom and about felicite#hm yeah </3 mmkay thats a wrap we dont need me sobbing again thinking about this family#so about the touring!! we see him struggling to find his feet to perform confidently through the years#yk... last 1d performance in xfuk. jho for xfuk. ultra fest too i think? ...ccme. telehit. scala... 2 walls tour (2020) shows in spain#aotv spoilers#its actually insane how massive his insecurities became during and post 1d 😭#bro was acting small roles as a child. was 'popular' in school. lead singer in a cover band. main lead in grease & auditioned for xfactor#and post 1d??? man didnt know what to do with himself. it's sooo!!!!!!!!#it's evil actually leave that man's poor confidence alone! 😭#the doc ended beautifully :> showing scenes of his show in milan. 30k+ people. ONLY there for louis!#by this point hes built up enough confidence to perform btm live for the first time!!!!! hard song to sing and he smashed it 🥹#the title truly encapsulates everything huh. voices in his head. voices of industry ppl whispering in his ear. voices of criticism. and#voices of fans cheering and singing his songs#cathartic ending 🫶🏼 loved aotv!!! when btm played girl you Know i was gone 😭#loved that he included the fitf uk no.1 too!!! it's a pretty little bow to this wonderful gift#i would Love to add more but i reached 30 tags LMAOOO yk what maybe i'll rb this with more tags😭💀#louis u deserve the world the moon the stars entire planets and all the galaxies 🫂 mwuah
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how does christmas saves the year manage to be so incredibly sad
#maybe i am just projecting but it sounds like someone desperately trying to convince themselves that christmas and the good memories#that come with it will fix them#like obviously it was released in 2020 so the whole point is like. we're isolated and we cant see our families like we normally would#but to me it also reads as like . we're getting older and it's not the same#“cheap decor and flavored cheer”/“years past seemed so much grander” and all#you want the holidays to feel as special as they did when you were a kid but they dont. you just want to feel happier or better or Somethin#again. hardcore projecting#yes i am listening to csty in january and crying really hard about it leave me alone#s talks#vent#?
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can i verbalise a selfish thought for a moment. dont read the tags if thatll bother you or anything
#what with all this talk of colonisation and whose land what is it does make me wonder about what the bigger voices in these convos would#have to say about my country. like im genuinely curious bc idk how to categorise us at all. context bc i dont expect anyone to know:#the indigenous people of the land i live on were the arawaks & lucayans. however when this land was first colonised they were all genocided#and who are now known as 'bahamians' were brought over on ships. and then somehow we went from the spanish to the english who colonised us#as well. now my worry is purely hypothetical bc we are an independent and sovereign state right so there's no 'threat'#but would we be considered 'indigenous' ? i can't think we would??#but maybe my issue is that i'm looking at this philosophically rather than politically. cause politically we probably would#but while the us-israel-colonisation convo is a political one the stances are philosophical so ??#like (again. hypothetically) if the same thing were to happen here ig i just wonder how we would be dealt with#and then the land ownership convo as well baffles me & it has for a while. since at least 2020 when the whole 'cottagecore is bad' convo#took place with the arguments that the aesthetic romanticised stolen land and i wondered even then like ? are we in the same position??#is the land still considered stolen if the people inhabiting it were displaced themselves?? and didn't steal it??#and moreover if the people it was stolen from no longer exist to take it back?? man idk#im stunningly bad at articulating my own thoughts so if this was a mess im sorry and thanks for making it this far#and also pls tell me if this comes off in the same light as americans making this about their election. i really dont want it to. im just#thinking. i guess idk#stop talking abbie
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i think i need to go back to br*ghton and get my phd there im going to be SICK
#when i was there in 2020 a new centre had just opened at my host uni and i follow them on ig and i just saw the codirector do an intro post#AND WHY ARE WE LITERALY THE SAME PERSON AND WHY AM I LOOKING UP THE PHD PROGRAM SHE RUNS IN… WHATS IT CALLED…#ART AND CREATIVE PRACTICE????? I. AM. GOING. TO. BE. SICK. the way my heart is pounding and my stomach is flip flopping rn. omw to write her#an email and see if we can talk I DONT EVEN WANT A PHD BUT I DONT BUT I DO BUT I DONT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME#purrs#and they have conferences in FUCKING BRGIGHTON ABT WRTMAKING AND COMMUNITY BUILDING AKA THE EXACT THING IWANT TO DO. just say the word i#Will SWAN DIVE across the fucking pond right NEOW. good god help me. naur bc why are the opportunities for that kind of thing here so few an#and far between BUT I WAS THERE AND THIS WAS ALL HAPPENING AROUND ME AND I DIDNT EBEN KNOW IT FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!#naur the way i am meant to be there and jsut stifling my true self probably just so i won’t r[redacted out of embarrassment]. LIKE HELP#<- ok well im not meant to be there im just um. 🤡. but i am thinking about it. i am Really thinking about it#also omg no bc what if i email this lady and she asks to see my research and i literally gave up halfway bc i was having a mental breakdown😭
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👁🗨
#what is THAT ^.#anyways. thinking about like 2020-2021 and how i was a w***pad user and met the bes tpeople of my life then#<- almost entirely of whom i dont talk to as much anymore but we had FUN!!!! live laugh love online friends fr#notes from adi#delete
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wasn’t pristin 4th gen tho?
nope. generation is determined by debut date. pristin debuted in 2017, and the earliest 4th gen groups started debuting in 2018 (or 2019 depending on who you ask, apparently some ppl see 2018 as a transition year which like, eh). so they were a late 3rd gen group, but a third gen group nonetheless. (other 2017 iirc debuts include weki meki, kard, the rose, wanna one, dreamcatcher, golden child for context. all considered 3rd gen groups. the only 2017 debut i can think of that's considered 4th gen is the boyz, but they debuted right at the end of the year, and i feel like they're the group I've seen the most debate about what gen they're in since they're kind of on the cusp anyway so)
#melia.ask#anon#interestingly ive seen several ppl say fromis's debut was the mark of the beginning of 4th gen#i dont think its super widely agreed upon yet though#but we're still somewhat early into 4th gen and these things are determined in hindsight#i think ppl dont realize that we dont all wake up one day saying ok its 4th gen now#honestly i dont think hardly anyone was thinking about 4th gen in 2018#3rd gen WAS still at its peak in 2018 theres always overlap in generations#in dont think ppl rly started talking about 4th gen until 2019#and i dont think i was really aware we were in 4th gen until maybe 2020#bc again. hindsight#all this to say there IS some ambiguity between generations#but even with that pristin and other 2017 debuts are very largely agreed to be 3rd gen#2018 seems to really be the year of debate for most ppl
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one of my coworkers talking about unionizing today with some of my other coworkers.....
#PROMISE????#we started talking abt our pay and how some of the women i work with have been there for years and years and#have yet to go up even a dollar in pay#ive been there since 2020 and i started at $15 and now i make. $15.60 & some of the women who have been there#longer than me are making the same... and these are ppl that are like. essential to daily functions of the store#and i even train people (despite not being qualified. LOL)#but they dont want me to be qualified cus then theyd have to pay me more </3#anyways. ive been getting closer w that one coworker lately cus we've been talking abt tattoos and stuff#since she gave me the information for her tattoo artist so we're about to be bffs . girl let's unionize for real
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i have a headache but also i dont want to go to sleep just yet dkjnfjds i want me-time
(warning: as i was writing the tags of this post this turned into another kinda-heavy rant about the situation my group of friends and i are. so keep that in mind)
#things were weird today when She(tm) was there but when she left things were normal again#but these hours were kinda stressful rip or more like... there was an inherent discomfort and tension in the air#with some ugly commentaries and actions on her part. like its your (supposed) best friend's birthday at least try to hide your disgust 👍#birthday you ~apparently~ forgot until it the day before. also you didnt had a single penny to spend on the gift for him#but you sure as hell had it to go eat with your college friends to expensive places! girl at least dont post about it on insta#and just in case; this wasnt a '*goes to expensive places before* -oh i dont have money sowwy :(('#this was a '-oh i dont have money sowwy :(( *goes to expensive places after it*'#what we were asking for collaboration was way less than what she spent on those places. it was AT THE VERY LEAST 3000 ars per food#and you know what she wanted to give for the gift? 500 ars!!! you cant buy shit with it; let alone if we only collaborated with 500 each#like she wanted. we're 4; genuine question what kinda shit can you buy for $2000. maybe a good quality cup but we already gave him that#but even then the point is not the money; the thing is the attitude. you cant spend more than $500 on us#but you can spend at least $6000 on your other friends; given you went to eat with them two days in a row. priorities i guess?#OH! and talking about it!! can you fucking believe she INVESTIGATED the phone of our ~new~ friend (the one shes jealous of)#and DEADASS said 'oh i see. my mom has an A51'. our friend has an A20 if im not wrong; which might not be an A51 but its. still expensive??#also your mom has an A51 but you have an iPhone 5 since you were on high school. but hey; apple i am right?? inherently better than an A20#sorry i have less than that; i have an A10s (that i got on the start of 2020). can i still breathe the same air as you and your mom /s#once again the problem is not the money or the phone or WHATEVER. its the fucking attitude shes having. you want to pretend you have money#and act like youre superior to people who 'dont'; when in reality YOU ARE MIDDLE CLASS. YOU ARENT UPPER CLASS; NOT EVEN UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS#YOURE MIDDLE CLASS. MIDDLE CLASS LIKE THE REST OF US; NOT LIKE YOUR COLLEGE FRIENDS YOU LOVE SO MUCH AND WANT TO IMPRESS#YOU SPEND MONEY YOU DEFINITELY DONT HAVE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO APPEAR UPPER-MIDDLE AT THE VERY LEAST. but thats a lie#a lie that if these beloved friends bothered to ACTUALLY know even the slightest about you; like we do; would fall apart. but they wouldnt!#because they dont care about you as much as we care(d). do you think they will tolerate this fucking attitude youre having towards us?#no they wouldnt. trust me; they WOULDNT. they will tell you to fuck off and leave you completely alone. go cry a river.#god fucking dammit why are you like this. WHY you turned like this. or rather; why we were SO GODDAMN blind we didnt noticed this before#negative
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#dont know why you would vote no since if you dont care about this you wouldnt respond to this poll in the first place#but rlly i just like statistics and charts and my ocs so thats what its all about#for those of you who werent there: back in 2020 i did a big questionaire/poll/whatever where i had people rate my ocs-#-on scales of tumblr sexyman-itude#it was more than just polls though! we also rated stuff like shipability and sexyman trope percentages#idk it was a lot but i loved doing it and now that i have polls i wanna try it again#but i dont know if itll just be like. annoying or not#doc talks
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