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ghost-in-the-stalls · 4 years ago

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What are ur tilda hcs?

Okay im finally gonna answer this!! Thank you so much for asking!!! I love receiving asks and I love sharing my headcanons. Sorry again it's so late ❤❤❤

This isn't gonna be nearly as well worded and eloquent as I originally planned. The first time I wrote it it basically became a drabble about her life. And then I lost that whole draft. Lmao

I just don't have it in me to recreate that whole thing again but I still wanna share my headcanons about her because I do have a lot!

I also wanna say this is in no way to like... excuse her behavior or try and redeem her. She was a terrible person. But people aren't born terrible. And I like taking 2 dimensional fictional women and making them make sense. So this isn't to excuse but instead to explain? I guess?

cw for all the shit you expect with the minyards by now, but specifically drug addiction and statutory rape. Also this is LONG so its going under a cut.

So first of all, I imagine her and Luther as being half siblings. Their father was a preacher or something- someone with a big role in their church's community and a big reputation of being a reliable, wise, holy man.

When Luther was maybe around 3 years old, there was this teenage girl in the congregation who would often come to Mr. Hemmick for advice, guidance, comfort, etc. She didn't quite fit in in school, wasn't great at academics and struggled to keep up with her siblings achievements, and was overall going through a lot of the turmoil thats unfortunately common for teenagers.

So she, like many people in the congregation, went to Mr Hemmick for guidance and ended up seeing a lot of him. She felt listened to and believed in with him. She felt like he treated her as more mature than the way her family treated her. She trusted him. He abused that.

If you asked her at the time, she would have said it was consensual between them. But she was 16. And when she became pregnant, he turned on her REAL fast lemme tell you. He made her promise not to tell anyone that he was the father, and he only told his wife. And of course, when he told his wife, he talked at length about how this 16 year old girl tempted him to sin; how he regretted it and only hoped she could learn to truly find God.

So he took the child in upon being born as a way to "attone" for what he'd done, but the whole community (not knowing he was the father) just saw it as an act of good will. And of course he'd tout off a lot in his sermons about how he'd be able to give the baby a much better, holier lifestyle than a teenager who turned her back on god by having sex.

So he and his wife end up raising Tilda from birth, but they make sure she knows from the beginning the circumstances of her birth. They drill it into her that her mother was a dirty sinner and that she herself is tainted as a result. She is raised always feeling like she needs to be twice as good to even be considered half as good as her brother in her parents eyes.

Naturally, she stops trying pretty early. In middle school, I imaging her being one of those bullies. The really nasty ones who get violent at their victims for even looking at them wrong. Idk about anyone else, but in my schools growing up the fights between the girls were always way bloodier than the ones between the guys. And I imagine those as the types of fights she got in- especially when one of her victims decides to stand up for themselves by throwing her own baggage back in her face.

By high school, she was thoroughly committed to the role of problem child. She would do everything she could to upset her family and get herself into shit. She'd do drugs, skip classes, show up to school drunk, stay out late, etc. In addition to all this, she would purposefully find whatever guy seemed like the most trouble and take him home. Whether this was the school drug dealer, a boy who got expelled for some rough shit, or college boys who caught her eye at parties.

So she's basically dug this hole for herself where she's committed to actually being the child of sin that her family has always seen her as anyway. The few people who tried to reach out to her wouldn't get far. She would push and push at them to see how far she could stretch their patience (to see how long it took them to give up on her like everyone else).

She even had one teacher who never did give up on her. But she outright told Tilda that she can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Those words would ring in Tildas ears for years to come, even if she never found it in herself to put the concept into action.

So eventually she'd graduate- just barely because she rarely put in effort in school- and she'd be left to suddenly have to find a place in the world when she previously never even thought she'd have a future. She started batting heads with her family even more (which no one thought was possible at that point) but it became less antagonistic on her end. She was still a shit stirrer, don't get me wrong. But she was getting tired. The fights were less about her being intentionally aggrevating and aggressive and more about her continuously being unable to live up to their expectations.

Luther already had a promising job as a cop at this point, meanwhile she was still living at home and bouncing between jobs that barely kept her afloat and boyfriends that barely made her feel worth something. She'd gotten into drugs in high school, and the habit only got worse now that she was out. It was the only thing that made her feel something other than misery or numbness. She could lose herself in the drugs and the boyfriends and the late nights out. She would come home to see her parents less and less and would speak to them only when absolutely necessary.

Eventually Mr. Hemmick died fairly young (heart attack or something equally as tragic. Whatever I dont care about him enough to pick the details) and his wife followed soon after by suicide. The house was left to Luther, who moved back in immediately and said there'd be changes in the household. He basically told Tilda to quit the drugs and go back to church if she wanted to stay in the house. He also had other rules like keeping a job, dumping her current boyfriend, giving her a curfew, etc.

So she left. She took her shitty beat up car an ex had fixed up for her and headed to California. A friend from high school lived out that way, so that's where she headed.

During this period in her life the drugs got a lot worse. This is also when she realized that she had become addicted. Mainly this is because, even after being away from her family and having freedom, she was still miserable. She didn't know how to get through a day sober. The constant variation between numbness and misery was too much to bare, but she wasn't ready to help herself. She wasn't ready to commit to her own healing and health.

She was in and out of therapy and rehab as quickly as she'd change jobs and partners. She wouldn't commit, and as soon as she had an out she'd take it. Had to miss an appointment for scheduling? Didn't make it back to the shelter in time to claim her bed for the night? Forgot to call back one of the few people who tried to reach out? No going back.

This is my main thing with Tilda. She was a shitty person who had a shitty life. But she never found the strength and commitment in herself to put in the work to be better. She instead let herself fall further and further down the hole because it was easier than pulling herself out. Because part of her still believed deep down that she had succeeded in living up to her birthright- that she wasn't deserving of ever healing or being better.

It was in one of these rehab facilities that she met the twins' father (and this part is absolutely inspired by Luke and Joey from the haunting of hill house). He was a guy with a similar past to hers- always sure he was meant to be bad so he committed to the role and never learned to commit to anything else. The difference between them, though, was that he was ready to get better.

They became fast friends and leaned on one another a bit while in rehab. She didn't see him as anything other than a friend, but he unfortunately became set on this idea that they would heal and move forward together. She knew he had feelings for her and enabled him (she didn't love him back but had never actually felt cared for like this before). He believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, which was a lot. Unfortunately for him, he also ended up being more committed to her healing than she was. When she eventually started spiraling again, all other feelings for him were overshadowed by the part of her that just saw an opportunity.

She took advantage of him. She slept with him, took his money while he was sleeping, and bailed to get high and never see him again. Now I'm not gonna say she was just a devil who entered this poor man's life. He saw her more as a potential for an ideal life than a person. He was more in love with the dream he had of them getting better and starting a life together than he was actually in love with her and who she was as a person. Bad match all around.

So she never saw or heard from him again. When she found out she was pregnant, she went home to Luther and his wife and son. She didn't tell him right away that she was pregnant. Instead, she pretended she was just finally ready to commit to God and turn her life around. She played the part alright for a while, went to church with them and got sober and everything, but tried to leave and move into a women's shelter when she started showing. Luther found out and brought her home.

At first he was actually super supportive- mainly because he just genuinely thought she wanted to find God and stop "living in sin". But when she finally told him she didn't plan to keep the child, he turned on her.

We know the story from there. Personally I think the night that she stole the money and ran as her point of no return. Years down the line, when she knew she was being a terrible mother and person, she'd remember that night. And she'd think to herself how this is who she was always meant to be. How she doesnt deserve to be any better than how she is. And she'd dig the hole deeper.

-----

So yeah thats my take on Tilda Minyard. Sorry it was so long. I like the idea of giving depth and complexity to female characters- even the bad guys and the ones I don't like. I have a similar lengthy life concept for Mary Hatford as well, but it isn’t nearly as long. If anyone is curious lol

Thanks again for asking!

#aftg #aftg meta #tilda minyard #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #twinyards #tfc #give female characters depth and complexity 2k21 #my writing

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reineyday · 4 years ago

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some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

#rei rambles #bnha #bnha 302 #todorokis #todoroki touya

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peachmultimusings · 4 years ago

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KNBA MEME, part one.

These are all taken from the KNBA (knb abridged series on youtube.)

another year, another hopeless attempt to recruit freshmen for the basketball team.

it’s only hopeless because you won’t accept applicants under 6 feet tall.

so?

we live in japan!

i have standards!

you have zero new members!

i have a human being in my hand !

why do you have a human being in your hand?

guy comes up to me and says ‘hey you’re tall. do you play basketball’? i mean OBVIOUSLY SMART-ASS.

what’s your name kid?

{ name } , { first name , last name }

well { name }, if you wanna join the team, you’ll need to make a donation.

we aren’t exactly well-funded.

did you just drink our cash-cup?

two things you need to know about me. one, i drink alloys, two, i gotta mean hook shot.

watch this shit !

uh, excuse you, paper goes in the recycling.

fuck the planet!

welcome to the basketball team.

you’re here because you’re over 6 feet tall or {name} made me.

i made you take all of them.

i’m coach {name}

hi, {name}

NO.

NO, YOU’LL CALL ME {name} and you’ll like it !

this team is like a family to me.

i’m your abusive step-dad

take off your shirts!

how does this help?

she’s been studying the male body since she -- well, since she shouldn’t have been allowed to study the male body.

they say she can tell a guys’ dick length is by looking in their eyes.

so what can you see in my eyes?

i want you so raw.

what?

i think she means you have raw talent

you fucking heard me

i like it raw too.

we’re talking about sushi right?

sushi means raw fish -- calling it raw would be redunant

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM

well, i was out getting a soda, twenty minutes ago and i just finished drinking it

*drops a can*

you gonna pick it up?

it was a coke zero.

it’s staining the court.

same coke taste, zero calories

can you just take off your shirt? before we get sued?

okay.

well, there goes my boner.

98.... 99.... 100 !

dude, your presence literally make other people worse at this game.

i don’t see the downside to that.

what the hell are you doing here anyways?

what are you doing here?

this is my court!

isn’t this public property?

MY COURT.

I’ll take you RIGHT here to prove it.

yah ! you’re in my house now little man!

i thought this was your court.

wow, you suck more than a--

than a what?

than a -- fucking --

whose fucking?

you are! you’re fucking !

how do you know?

cuz i am! this is my insult!

it’s not going very well.

no it isn’t !

look, something, something, you’re a whore, bye!

alright, i fucking love the burger store!

hi!

jesus!

what the hell is this?

this?

this is a milkshake.

yeah i can see that.

are you done?

finished my milkshake!

{ name } you are literally to bland to insult.

vanilla is my favorite flavor.

of course it is.

alright ladies !

today we’re playing freshmen vs. seniors.

not that kinda senior, grandpa.

well { name} it was nice knowin’ ya.

there is no way you’re gonna make this team.

hell yah ! get some ! how you like them apples huh!

did ya see that pass?

why is no one acknowledging me?

looks like we’re really gonna have to focus on that blue haired kid.

hey! pay attention to me!

how the hell is {name} doing this?

you can’t see him!

the ball comes out of no where!

no points ! god you suck at basketball.

but i had 38 assists.

and how many points did that get us?

i mean, at minimum, 76.

you think you’re better than me, with your blue hair and sense of teamwork?

I’LL KILL YOU.

oh my, a lover’s quarrel.

i didn’t realise the basketball team was also the drama club.

{name} what are you doing here?

why i came to check in on you, silly.

what happened to you {name}

you use to be so cool

i’m still cool

no, you’re not.

you got hot, like, spicy.

should we break this up?

FUCK NO.

HEY!

well that wasn’t very nice

I’m not very nice-

he’s not very nice.

would you, fuckin--

so you’re {name’s} new play toy?

you think you’re better than me? with your fangirls, and your tight-ass, and your suit jacket, and your tight ass---I’LL KILL YOU.

smooth {name}

how about you and i go a little one on one

you do realise who this is, dont you?

{name}.

i don’t care who they are.

he’s a stuck up pretty boy, ken doll in need of an ass-kicking and a dirt nap.

well, hasbro, you had my interest but now you have my erection.

attention.

is what my dick is standing at.

not even gonna get out of your suit huh?

you know it makes you look like a stay at home dad?

how appropiate. i’m about to take you to school.

oh god, i think i felt it on my face.

get in the car son.

daddy needs to take you to practice.

well, {name}, i can honestly say im disappointed.

you had such potential and i hate to see it spoiled.

here’s a thought-- come and enroll in my academy?

two of the six best players in all of japan teaming up on the streets -- and under the sheets -- it’ll be just like the old days.

what do you say?

nah.

what, why not?

i like it here.

besides i have fun hanging out with {name}

WHO THE FUCK IS {name}

the bro you just styled on

you think you’re better than me, just cuz you’re better than me?

dammit, just go!

i can’t believe that pretty boy dunked on me.

i’ven ever been dunked on.

fact is, i know more about them than you do.

if we’re gonna make this work, i’m gonna need to teach you everything i can so you can beat them.

you know something {name}, but you may have a point.

you got yourself a deal.

what’s in it for me?

you strike me as someone who needs a senpai.

duly noted.

if you want to be the best basketball player in japan, you may have to defeat my five evil ex-teammates.

your five evil ex’s?

teammates. ex teammates.

is there a difference?

god i hope so.

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midoriyaizukustan-inactive · 5 years ago

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*clears throat* *pulls up powerpoint* *shuffles speaker notes*

okay kids strap in this is gonna be long probably. im gonna add a read more so hopefully that works, otherwise i am,,so sorry,,

w that lets begin

so. lets start w the basics

season 1: didnt like him. really didnt like him. i have Issues w suicide as a topic in general so when he baited midoriya he lost any fondness i couldve had towards him. then his actions durnig the battle training? hes a fcukin maniac. but i enjoyed learning more abt him as a character so whatever. i thought his confrontation w midoriya in the aftermath of that was,,interesting

season 2: still dont like him, but his eventual coming arnd during the final exam made me more open to him. also sports festival was,,,interesting, ig. i thought it was interesting how he wouldnt accept the win; if he was the same character he was in season 1, he wouldve taken it, i feel like. but he didnt. so hey, growth smwh

season 3: i thought i didnt like him, but then he got kidnapped and i got a case of the shakes(tm) until he was rescued. i rlly vibed w midoriya screaming and crying while he was kidnapped. cut to the provis license exam:

(excuse my crying abt aoyama lmao)(and also the fact that i used to call bakugou “bakugon” yes i know thats not his name yes i did that bc i didnt like him and i think im funny as shit). then,,,the scene. kacchan v. deku 2. uhh i was vibing w him honestly. hes a mood,,,regrettably,,,until he beat midoriya at least

season 4 (so far): pls stop yelling, regrettably relatable gremlin

now lets dive into what all that means huh

i dislike bakugou for the following reasons.

- suicide-baited midoriya. not only that, but he tormented him for years simply because he couldn’t get over his own private feelings; midoriya did nothing to deserve his scorn. literally nothing.

- beyond even that, is still a prick to most everyone he meets; he’s short and irritated and won’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt (at least not as first).

- even now, he still has issues giving respect or even just being decent to both people he knows and people he doesn’t.

- speaking of, he has never ever apologized for his previous actions. not even after he finds out he’s wrong (like when midoriya tells him he never, ever, looked down on him). he hasnt even really apologized via action rather than words if you wanna try that route with me. he might be better than he was, but he refuses to acknowledge that he was ever wrong in the first place and thats not functional

- hes so focused on “winning” as a concept. it doesnt matter if youre supposed to be an ally to him; if he perceives you as being in his way, he’ll do his damnedest to fucking destroy you. he has few genuinely heroic qualities (not to say he has few good qualities, just few heroic ones); hes just strong and determined, but he’s a case study of how those qualities can be twisted as all fucking hell

- hes so proud. he is s o fucking proud. he has such an issue with pride that i cant fucking handle it sometimes man

i like bakugou for the following reasons.

- he has grown. he might not have said anything to anyone about it, but he has grown as a person since the series started

- he does have morals and he sticks to them. they might be basic things such as “dont be a villain” but theyre. something and he stands by them. hes not a slimy snake is what im saying

- hes funny. when he isnt actively bringing others down, i actually enjoy the screentime he has, bc its really funny, esp when he’s interacting w his friends and theyre having visible fun messing arnd w him

- this particular reason is hard to phrase so let me just. try and word vomit it correctly. i didnt expect him to be capable of blaming himself for smth like all might’s retirement. but he was and i,,,it adds layers to his character that i appreciate a lot. so its not that i like that he feels guilty abt it, but what it means for his character

- his interactions with kirishima. its proof that he’s learning how to be better, slowly but surely, and how to care about others properly. its sweet, genuinely and wholeheartedly

- hes not always rewarded by the narrative, and that makes him much more human to me, which i really appreciate. the biggest example i can think of is that he didn’t pass his provisional license exam on the first try. i think he’s gonna have a low point eventually, but hopefully, from there, he tries to build his way out into a better life as a better person

yeah

its just...very complex. he reminds me of myself, or at least a person i used to be. he actually reminds me of a couple combinations of ppl i used to be; just like bakugou, ive had smth similar to both a superiority and an inferiority complex in the past so its djkfjkdjnk,,,regrettably relateable,,,,,,not at the same time like he does but yknow the feeligns and how they clash are still there

but yeah. its bc he reminds me of myself i both hate him and like him.

like he reminds me of aspects abt myself i h a t e. i have issues w pride, i used to be a huge jerk (not to the degree he was, thank god, but i have a conscious now so when im reminded of how i used to be in like elementary school, i feel ashamed and since bakugou hasnt fucking,,,acknowledged,,the abuse he put midoriya through yet,,i get angry with him)

and the one guilt episode we saw him have reminded me of a very dark time in my life (2016) and its just. oh no. so thats where the anger fizzles out because i cant hate that more than i just feel pity abt it

in contrast, its bc he reminds me of things i hate abt myself that i have high hopes for him. i crawled out of the hole i was in; i made it through the stages of being a prick and then being thrust into a guilt-induced depression. im certainly not a good person, but im much better than i was

so just,,im already proof that ppl can change, but,,,,if i had a character to cling to when doubt came creeping in, i think that wouldve be great. i know im not the only one that feels like this. if bakugou can make the right turnaround, i think he could mean a lot to a bunch of people, me included

obviously the turnaround would have to be done right (and he better fucking beg for midoriya’s forgiveness) but i have hope that it can be

he has a long way to go, both in action and in word. but i am hopeful for his development. he reminds me of many things i hate about myself, but also to push on despite those things. my feelings about him are complicated due to that

yea. heres my book report sir djknkjnsknfjkn

#idk if this is very coherent but oh well #i love him i hate him i have such high hopes for him-#jkdjkd #c makes a word #textpost #bakugo katsuki

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kumkaniudaku · 6 years ago

Text

Our Thing

Happy Valentine’s Day, guys. Here’s one of the two things I plan on writing. I consider all of you my Valentine’s since I never have one, so here’s something before the clock strikes 12.

Work Count: 2k

Warnings: Not yet proofread

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“What? Of course, it’s a good idea! I’m the king of good ideas!”

Voices bounced off of the walls of the Brooklyn apartment building as Chad and CoCo walked side by side to the apartment at the end of the hallway.

The snow lining the sidewalks outside were typical of mid-February, giving Tasha more of a reason to stay inside on the cold Friday. But her friend insisted she leave the dark cocoon she had created for herself in her apartment just across the water in New Jersey.

Valentine’s Day was the designated time of the year to celebrate love. Chadwick had a reason to celebrate, but CoCo could no longer say the same. After months of turmoil and emotional abuse, she was a single woman again and dreading the mere thought of loving someone else. So, she planned to avoid all mentions of love and relationships for the foreseeable future. Even if that meant neglecting tradition.

“Look, Chad, we can celebrate on the 15th! This feels so...weird.”

“We celebrate Valentine’s Day together every year. We can’t skip out this year.”

“I feel like having a girlfriend is the perfect reason to miss a year,” CoCo deadpanned as they reached their intended destination. She could practically feel the excitement buzzing from the other side of the door in the form of Toni Braxton’s greatest hits so far, and started to feel bad for the woman she’d come face to face with for the first time.

“Why miss a year when we can celebrate together? And you get to meet my lady for the first time. It’ll be fun.”

“Fun my ass,” Tasha mumbled into the thick scarf around her neck, earning a look from Chadwick.

“Wanna share that with the class, Miss Greene?”

“Knock on the damn door!”

A muffled feminine voice announced that she was gearing up to answer the door adding to the uneasiness in the pit of CoCo’s belly. She knew that if she was on the other side of this encounter, seeing a woman with her boyfriend on date night would insight a riot.

When the door opened to reveal the woman she only knew as Jay, she was more than shocked at what met her. Jay was beautiful. Her slim figure came with a few curves to compliment her height. She was graceful beyond compare and impeccably dressed, making Tasha feel incredibly bland in comparison.

“Hi, baby,” Jay sang as she wrapped her arms around Chadwick and went in for a kiss. If Tasha had rolled her eyes any harder, they would’ve fallen from her skull and rolled all the way back to New Jersey to beat her home. Catching wind of another presence, Jay offered a courteous smile.

“Oh, hi! Did he forget to give you a tip downstairs?”

“A tip,” CoCo asked, obviously offended and a bit confused.

“A tip for the cab ride. I know it was hell driving in this snow. Just let me grab my purse.”

Chadwick could see Tasha’s struggle to maintain her composure, her mouth opening and closing with words she couldn’t produce.

“You know what? I’m going home. Call me to let me know you got back to your place safely.”

“No, wait,” he exclaimed before grabbing Tasha’s elbow and pulling her back to her original spot despite her struggle to pull away. Noticing the commotion, Jay turned back to Chadwick and Tasha with her brows quirked in confusion.

“Am I missing something.”

“Nope. I’ll just take my tip and be on my w-”

“Jay, this is my best friend Tasha that I’ve been telling you about. Co, this is Jayme Dubois, my girlfriend.”

A brief and unpleasant stare off preceded a chipper energy shift as Jayme went in for a hug. “CoCo, how are you! I have heard so much about you.”

“Yeah well, don’t believe any of it,” CoCo forced out between fake laughter while she made faces at Chadwick over Jayme’s shoulder.

“I’ll keep that in mind. So, what brings you over? Do you have a date in this complex? I always knew white boy Rick liked Black women.”

“Actually, Muffin, I was thinking she could spend Valentine’s Day with us. It’s been tradition for us to spend the holiday together and we don’t wanna break it.”

“So you want Tasia -”

“It’s Tasha,” CoCo interrupted in the most obnoxious tone she could muster.

“Right...Tasha. You want Tasha to spend Valentine’s Day with us? Tonight? Even though this is a couple’s holiday? Couple as in two, mind you.”

“Yes, Jay. It would really mean a lot to me.”

Jayme looked between a visibly annoyed Tasha and the pleading eyes of her boyfriend before letting go of a long sigh and stepping aside to usher her companions for the night inside.

Tasha took in her surroundings and quietly marveled. Though small because what seemed to be standard in New York, Jayme’s dwelling was equal parts colorful and classic. Had she not started the interaction on such a bad note, Tasha would’ve complimented her on the statement couch that matched her ornate rug, but she kept it to herself out of spite.

“So since we have one more, what are our plans for the night, honey bear?”

Chadwick caught the slight scrunch in CoCo’s face and ignored it to refrain from explaining the embarrassing nickname. “Well, we can still go see Definitely, Maybe like you wanted, but instead of dinner in the park, Tasha got us a reservation at this really nice Italian spot in the city.”

“I called in a favor from work. It was no big deal.”

Jayme disregarded CoCo’s smile as she took a sip from her water bottle and sat on the arm of the chair Chadwick occupied. Her hands rubbed patronizing circles around his shoulders and back, forcing Tasha to look away to save the awkward moment.

“Well, it seems like you too already have this figured out, so I’ll just grab my coat. Do you have any more suggestions, CoCo?”

“Nooope.” Tasha sang the word through gritted teeth forced into a smile. Chadwick gave her a sympathetic look before helping Jayme into her coat and ushering each woman safely out of the building.

Tasha remained the front wheel of the tricycle, preferring to stay in front of the couple to refrain from looking like the unwanted third party. With every audible kiss and nauseatingly affectionate gesture, CoCo felt her heart tighten. It wasn’t seeing Chadwick with another woman that had her fighting back tears in the theatre. She needed the sight to push her feelings for him to the furthest corner of her mind. It was the pain of knowing that she had just detached from one of the worst situations in her life, yet wanted to be with him to cure the loneliness she felt.

If she had it her way, she’d cry it out until the work week resumed on Monday in the comfort of her own home, but continued to engage in the conversation when the moment presented itself to appease Chadwick.

In a restaurant full of couples, Jayme, Chadwick, and Tasha were the only threesome in the center of the establishment. Nervous energy characterized the silence left behind when Chadwick excused himself to the restroom, leaving the women in his life to avoid eye contact.

Relief came in the form of a stout waiter visiting the table to collect dinner orders. Without realizing that the order would be incomplete without the third member of the group, the women ordered traditional dishes and wine for the table.

“And the young man? What will he have?”

“Oh! Ummm, I’m not sure,” Jayme responded as she fumbled through the menu. “Maybe you could come back in a few minutes?”

“He’ll have the Parmigiana w/ Pasta, but please be light on the sauce. He gets heartburn from all the tomatoes.”

The waiter took heed of Tasha’s warning before walking away, leaving Jayme to burn a hole in the top of Tasha’s head while she sorted through emails on her cell phone.

“How long did you say you and Chadwick have been friends?”

“Since Fall 1996. So coming up on 13 years,” Tasha answered, looking up to find an indecipherable look on Jayme’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I just - you know him so well. His favorite candy, where he likes to sit in the theatre, what he eats at certain restaurants. I don’t know if I can keep up.”

The process of finding the right words to assure Jayme, Chadwick returned to the table and unknowingly ended the conversation before it could truly begin.

“Never in my life did I think I’d have to stand in line to use the men’s restroom. I applaud y’all for doing that,” he complained as he took his seat. “Has the waiter come back for orders yet?”

“He did actually. Tasha got you Parmigiana w/ Pasta.” Jayme secretly hoped that Chadwick would reject the choice and ask for a second go at the ordering process. She was met with the complete opposite.

“Hell yeah!” His fist met Tasha’s across the table in his childlike excitement. “I love that shit.”

“Language, honey bear.”

“Sorry, Muffin.”

“Wow,” Tasha whispered to herself, unaware that the others around the table could hear her.

“Did you want to say something, Tasha?”

“Noooope.”

The table fell silent to give way to the idle chatter in the area around them. Chadwick looked between his girlfriend and best friend trying to find a way to get them to interact with each other cordially.

“So, Co, Jayme has been trying to get into basketball lately.”

“Oh really.” Tasha was clearly uninterested as she continued to read emails on her phone from weeks ago. A subtle kick underneath her table made her look up and noticed Chadwick’s non-verbal urging for her to at least pretend to care. “Which team are you interested in, Jayme?”

“I really like the Nets! Trenton Hassell to be exact.”

“Do you? Because he averages less than two points a game. There’s not much to like.”

“Trenton is your friend’s boyfriend right, Jay?”

“Does it matter now? Tasha basically called him a bad player.”

“Not bad, per se. He’s terrible. That’s a better adjective.”

“Oh-kay,” Chadwick interjected to end the escalating conversation. “Jay, how’s work at the fashion house going?”

“Ugh, it is amazing! We got some new pieces last night and they are beautiful. Maybe you could come browse one day, Tasha. Style can always use an update.”

“I consider myself more Maxine than Regine. Thanks though. I’m sure the pieces are nice.”

Tasha successfully contained her laughter at Jayme’s expression, feeling her first surge of happiness for the day.

Chadwick felt helpless as the night continued and each attempt at joining two of his favorite women ended in a snarky comment or shady look. Dinner provided a welcome activity that didn’t require group conversation, giving him the opportunity to cater to each woman. The longer they sat and contemplated grabbing cheesecake inside the restaurant or settling for ice cream on the way home, the more he could feel Jayme disconnecting.

“Muffin, do you want the strawberry cheesecake for here or to go,” he asked as she slid her coat from the back of her chair and collected her purse.

“Actually, I don’t feel so well, honey bear. I’m gonna head home.”

“What? So soon? We didn’t even get to dessert.”

Tasha watched Jayme put on her best “sick” face and gagged internally at Chadwick falling for the charade. Jayme was far from physically sick. If she was feeling anything, it was annoyance at the fact that her boyfriend’s best friend had spent the most romantic night of the year taking the attention from her.

“Well, let me walk you outside and wait for the cab to come.”

“Thank you, honey bear.” Jayme accepted Chadwick’s help into her coat, purposely ignoring Tasha until the last second. “Good night, Tasha. Maybe we’ll see each other for another occasion. Hopefully in a less...crowded environment.”

Tasha released a short chuckle before plastering on a fake smile, “Right. I’ll pencil you into my calendar.”

Jayme offered another fake smile and nod before leading the way out of the restaurant into the Brooklyn streets.

“I’ll pencil you in and the erase that shit. Fuck her.”

Time started to drag as she sat at the table alone, looking more foolish with three plates crowding her space than playing seat warmer for the world’s cutest couple. A glance out of the window gave her access to the tail end of Jayme’s departure. Her inability to peel her eyes away from the private moment showed her two things: Chadwick was far more interested in Jayme than she was in him, and she was clearly upset despite the kiss and hug she provided before disappearing into the backseat of her taxi.

Moments later, Chadwick took the seat directly across from Tasha and sighed.

“Go ahead. Tell me that you told me so.”

“I’m not gonna say that friend,” Tasha smiled. “All I’ll say is you’re gonna need one of these cheesecakes to go because mama is PISSED.”

“You think so?”

“Oh, I know so. But, I’m here to help with gift ideas to make up for this dumbass idea. And I ordered us dessert.”

Chadwick’s ear perked at the sound of a sugar rush to end a night full of terrible decisions. “Did you get the cookie thing with the-”

“The vanilla bean ice cream on top? C’mon now! You know me!” Without hesitation, the pair completed their signature handshake before sitting back in their seats. “Sorry for ruining your date, Aaron. I’ll pay the tab as a peace offering.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I’ll make it up to her. You know there’s a reason she calls me honey bear.”

“Gross. Please, don’t finish that sentence. And what the fuck is Muffin? Are you a white TV dad now?”

Chadwick’s deep belly laugh at CoCo’s expense continued until their shared dessert was placed between them. Instructing Tasha to pick up her spoon, Chadwick began a pseudo-toast.

“To another Valentine’s Day spend together and many more to come!”

Their spoons clinked together in solidarity before the argument of who would get which portion of the cookie began, ending the most romantic day of the year the only way they knew how: together.

_______________

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#Chadwick Boseman #chadwick boseman fan fiction #chadwick boseman imagine #chadwick boseman x reader #chadwick boseman x you #chad x coco #coco x chad

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aceyanaheim · 5 years ago

Text

Okay let’s try this one more time.

Questions from this thingy that I saw a friendo do last year.

Introduction: Acey. That’s it that’s the introduction.

Diagnosis: I’m working on getting a Diagnosis but Autism and some form of attachment disorder.

As of 2019:

Neurocognitive and Cognitive Disorder due to Seizures

Major Depressive Disorder

General Anxiety Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

Personality Change Due to Seizure Disorder ( later confirmed by a second psychiatrist to be Borderline Personality Disorder)

C-PTSD symptoms ( still waiting on final diagnosis but symptons have been confirmed and disorder is very likely.)

Autism more or less confirmed by multiple professionals but still waiting to be able to afford testing.

Symptoms:

Autism/ASD : Can’t read tone. Hard time with social interaction. Sensory issues. Adherence to routine. Stimming. Scripting. Childish behaviour. Meltdowns. Hyperfixation.

Attachment Issues: I tend to attach/get attached to people really fast. At the same time I push them away or tell myself I don’t matter to them. I also have a hard time getting attached to people. It’s either super quick or like pulling teeth. I want to be with people all the time. Codependence I guess is the word I’m looking for.

Social Anxiety: I’m...basically always scared when I’m talking to people? I’m scared I’ll say the wrong thing. I have my answers and messages rehearsed and proofread and sometimes vetted by someone else ( unless it’s sensitive info) and I still feel like something comes across in a negative way. ( like This is too cheerful, That’s too morbid, does that sound dismissive? If I say This I fuck up in this way but if I say THAT I fuck up in another) It couples with my autism since that...actually makes me say awkward/wrong shit all the time.

Has come down since starting Lexapro but still present.

Emotional Flashbacks: Feelings that were there while you were experiencing the traumatic event. Happen at random triggers. Incredibly strong. To the point that they don’t correspond to the stimuli and feel freshly felt. ( tied to C-PTSD)

Hyper-vigilance ( tied to C-PTSD)

Anxiety attacks

Panic Attacks

Don’t act as mature as other people my age/more at home with younger people.

Hypersensitive to any perceived rejection.

Brain fixates on bad memories and repeats them : C-PTSD

Constant fear of it happening again: C-PTSD

Black or White thinking: I’ll think someone’s sick of me or can’t stand me at stuff like being left on read while also deciding I love them and they’re the best person ever when they do something nice to me. Intense but have some modicum of self awareness. ( i know on some level people dont dislike or hate me, i still spiral though)

“Duckling Syndrome” ( is what i call it) : I’ll see someone be nice to me and all I can think of is how much I want them to adopt me, to take me home, to make me part of their family. It’s too strong to be anything but disordered. It hurts. ( possibly part of bpd)

Has in the past put self in bad situations to not be alone ( connected to bpd/attachment disorder)

Other Stuff I either need to mention to my shrink and/or hasn’t been tied down to any of my dx disorders:

I want things to be Just So. Like I want a certain kinda paper for certain kinds of mediums in art. I want my food in a certain order. I eat it in A Certain Order I get really uncomfortable otherwise.

I think I’ve depersonalized or dissociated at least five times..but..only when things get REALLY bad...like when I spiral. I still get those two confused even after reading the definitions but it’s like….I don’t feel anything? But I’m weirdly aware that I’m supposed to? Like I flipped a switch. Also mixed with this weird its not real feeling. I hasn’t happened in roughly a year tho so I dunno if it counts? Its been happening again this year. Still unsure if disordered or stress reaction.

I tend to struggle with depressive episodes from time to time. Like I’ll just lay on the bed and not wanna do anything. I have games to play, I have hobbies I could indulge in but I just..don’t want to. Don’t see the point.

Have thought that I’d be better off not existing. ( AKA suicidal ideation) Currently under control.

I’ve developed these like...weird paranoia spells? Like this one time a cop yelled at me ( to mess with me) and I was suddenly terrified of him following me and hurting me and my dad ( which yes can be attributed to the amount of police brutality you hear about, especially to people who don’t speak english fluently but like I saw it in my mind’s eye and it would not stop and the dude left and I was still seeing in my head him like following me home and hurting us) or like just recently some man asked about my dog and how much she was worth and this weird ass alarm went off in my head to get the hell away from him and what if he follows me home? What if he takes my dog? What if he follows me home AND takes my dog? They’re pretty sporadic ( though not as much as I want them to be) but they’re also really intense. Have stopped since I started Lexapro.

Physical Self Harm in the past to ground, to punish myself, in times of high emotion. All of the above. ( has stopped as of last year. Even intrusive thoughts about it are at a minimum.)

Obsession with being “good”: If I ever do something I think is a mistake I all but turn on myself. I beat myself up. I think of myself as a bad person ( there’s only Good and Bad for me..but only in regards to myself) I have to be nice. I have to be kind. I have to be good in a way that’s disordered. ( this compounds with my social anxiety and bpd to bind me into being a “good person” ( someone who never gets mad never talks back never does anything but niceness irregardless of the fact that..it’s impossible) I tend to think if I’m “bad” that people need to punish me, yell at me, or hurt me. That I need to Atone) ( could be part of CPTSD due to past abuse. Answer pending)

Intrusive thoughts: mostly about self harm but also about “learning my place” and...calling myself things I’d rather not say. I’ve so far at least managed to recognize they’re intrusive ( might be related to any of the disorders listed above but also with past abuse but unsure at the moment. Shrink thinks its tied to bpd. Could be tied to past abuse I haven’t discussed in therapy yet.)

Disordered Eating of sorts: due to my mother being paranoid about unhealthy food I’ve gone days where I can’t bring myself to eat something because I’m scared it’ll hurt me. There’s times where I’ve needed my friend to tell me to eat. There’s times where I feel like if I eat I have to exercise it off. It’s about control, it’s about fear, it’s….about everything but weight. Hella strong last year. More or less brought under control as of this year. But remain as intrusive thoughts and pop up as intrusive thoughts from time to time.

React badly to being alone, especially at home and not getting social interaction. Depression kicks up, sometimes depersonalization ( might have ties to childhood epilepsy -having to be on lock-down and kept indoors a lot due to my own risk of being hurt via seizure- but combines with bpd/attachment disorders)

Have Shown Signs/Moments of Age Regression ( more often than not with the emotional flashbacks but not always)

Literally all the symptoms act up at night/around bedtime. Mostly anxiety but some others that have now been associated with bpd. Causes sleeping problems ( I hesitate to call it insomnia because I do sleep but it can get as bad as 3 hours a night until i just conk out at the end of the week -or 2 weeks- out of sheer exhaustion. Has been present since I was a teenager.)

In The Past: Recklessness and disregard for personal safety and care.

Sometimes get this physical feeling like my brain is overloaded. Often with hypervigilance or spirals where my mind races.

Stigma:

“I’m autistic” “I’m so sorry”

“I’m autistic” “And you’re sure you wanna go for that major?”

“I’m autistic” “But not that kind of autistic right?”

“I mean if you need accommodations to take a test then are you really cut out to have that kinda job?”

I consider myself a very patient person.

“She doesn’t know any better. You know she’s special” ( I was standing right there)

“I guess you don’t love anyone huh?” ( I was uh..I was nine years old)

“You’re codependent as fuck” ( that one my abuser said to me...after...making me codependent on her..yeah)

“You talk like a robot. It’s like you don’t feel anything.” ( eeemotianl detachment due to CPTSD in my teenage years)

“You’re choosing not to grow up” ( when expressing fears of develomental problems/disordered behaviour that could cause lack of maturity. I was asking for help)

“You’re a lot”

“People with your disorder tend to be a problem for other people”

“You need therapy” “I am in therapy” “Then why are you still acting like this.”

“You’re just making excuses.”

“It’s like you like to cause trouble.” ( circa 2013)

“You just wanna hurt people that’s why you’re doing this.” ( circa...most of the 2000s)

Multiple people in my family constantly make it a point ( or have in the past like..for most of my life) to tell me no one’s wanna live with someone like me ( I’m forgetful and before I figured out some ways to help it and the depression was bad uber messy)

Multiple people in my family try to discourage me from trying things because “you know you have that...thing”

And I mean..the usual constant bombardment of Autism being something you have to Fix. Of it causing people you love pain, and them never being happy because of it, of it being a defect.

People around me use autistic as an insult.

General comments about how horrible living with my mentally ill family must be ( ignoring that I’m mentally ill as well) and how my parents probably wish we weren’t disordered ( ignoring that they are also disordered) and how basically there’s no way for us to be happy.

I think at one point someone actually said to me something along the lines of “I bet your parents wish you and your siblings were born differently”

“I’m so proud you can do this incredibly easy thing that I think is all you can really do and I’m gonna talk to you in the most condescending tone about it like who’s a good lil autistic person look at you, talkin and solving basic problems and everything.” ( obvs paraphrased but thats...usually the gist)

Define Your Disorders

Autism: a developmental disorder that affects communication and behavior.

Attachment Disorder: the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships ( it was the only one I can find that doesn’t talk about RAD as I don’t have the criteria for that. This one’s tricky cause I don’t have the proper diagnosis for it yet, for all I know it could be part of a bigger disorder)

BPD:a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable intense relationships, distorted self-image, extreme emotions and impulsiveness. Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships.

Major Depression Disorder: Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.

General Anxiety Disorder.: Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance).

Amnesic Disorder Due To Epilepsy :Inability to remember events for a period of time.

Myth about your disorders and the truth

Autistic people are dangerous

Autistic people are unfeeling

Autistic people are uncaring

Autistic people are all nonverbal

Autistic people are all mentally challenged. ( I ??)

Autistic people ar a burden on their families/a parent who abuse or even kills their autistic child ( which happens so much it’s an acknowledged problem) deserves sympathy.

Autistic people are brainy and mostly male.

Autism is a spectrum disorder. People exhibit different traits and while some hyperfocus on things that help them academically some hyperfocus on things that don’t or that even make their grades suffer like other interest tend to. ( my hyperfocus was fanfiction and I failed like five classes because of it) I have a friend who’s autistic and likes to party and drink and hang out with people. I have another friend who’s autistic who likes to skate and science. I’m autistic and I like neither of those things. We’re all over the place in every way even when we do share some common traits

Literally we all have people and things we care about.

Literally all of us have affectionate moments. I’m fairly physically affectionate if I’m close to/feel safe with someone.

Nonverbal and autism aren’t always correlated. Further, some autistic people go nonverbal for a bit but can speak other times.

Autism looks different in girls/afab people because we’ve been socialized differently.

Parents who kill their autistic kids are just straight up horrible people and I resent having to be told to have sympathy for them while simultaneously wishing I had “autistic” written on my forehead so I could be angry without a guilt trip and also simultaneously hoping to god I never stop passing for neurotypical because apparently the moment you show too many traits no one cares if someone hurts you or worse.

The whole “autistic people are dangerous” thing is mostly people showing videos of meltdowns which only happen under high stress and is something people use to demonize us and make us seem like burdens...and is actually why the whole “sympathy for an abusive/murderer parent of a neuroatypical” thing is fucked ten ways from Sunday. We aren’t dangerous.

I don’t...have a lot for the attachment disorder since I’m still waiting to figure out what that one’s really about and I haven’t really….met anyone else who has anything like it or shares symptoms with me.

I think off the top of my head it’s when people think it’s “cute” that you’re super clingy or go the other way and say people with attachment issues are uncaring. The first one romanticizes a behaviour that you’re trying to work on fixing/curbing and that is honestly hell. The second one is...is just as untrue as saying an autistic person is inherently uncaring ( or any mentally ill person for that matter)

I’ve also seen people say that people with any kind of attachment disorder are broken and that I feel confident enough in saying that they’re not...and I’m not.

I’ve been told people with BPD can’t be aware of their own disorder and have been denied testing due to this.

I’ve seen people say people with BPD are a problem to others.

Anxiety: I’ve seen a lot of people who think it’s fake. And also that the only way you can have anxiety if you’re rocking back and forth gasping for breath.

There’s actually multiple ways to have anxiety attacks.

Tips for those who know/love someone with same disorders/symptoms

Well, starting off with, and keeping in mind that I’m not a proffesional or expert in...literally anything ever like ever ever....

A very dear friend of mine once said “it’s a whole lot easier to be supportive than it is not to be” Let people with disorders tell you what they need, and then respect it. Open communication and making them feel safe is key...to everything. Being informed is important but at the end of the day, different people will experience things differently and what they need is really down to them. Don’t assume that reading about their disorder means you know what they need better than them. Don’t talk about how their disorder affects you. Even if you have good intentions, you’re going to make them feel bad. If you’re a parent, don’t talk to others about your child’s disorder in front of them. And if they don’t like a therapist, listen to them as to why. Don’t assume it’s just because “they’re disordered” that’s lazy parenting.

Take triggers seriously, talk to them about what symptoms they need help with, and which they’d rather process or deal with on their own. Just..show that you have that initiative, that you’re there for them. Listen. Be patient. Establish boundaries gently but firmly. If someone with my attachment disorder is ringing you a lot and you need time to yourself, let them know. Explain. Don’t go radio silent. People with autism can be bad at reading you. Again explain, be patient, but don’t just....leave them there to guess what they did wrong. C-PTSD is traumagenic in nature so I’d add to taking triggers seriously, be ready for Tragic Backstory drop behind disclosing some triggers ( and understand how much they have to trust you to disclose that.) but also be ready for “I just don’t want this in my field of vision and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it just yet.” Don’t push for details. Don’t push period.

And also just....treat em like people you know. Disordered people are still people, let them exist outside their disorders and do the things that people in that relationship that you have with them. ( whatever relationship that is) do.

How your disorder/s affect your relationships

In the past -and before I was a bit more self aware- it’s made me uber clingy. I would call friends constantly, message them a lot. Think someone was my best friend or even closer than they really were because they were nice to me. It scared people off.

On the flip side I would also convince myself people didn’t like me or I was nothing to them the moment I caught myself having strong feelings. ( which as said before would happen mcquicklike)

As one can imagine this would put a lot of pressure on new friendships. Often it would sour them, sometimes it would make people dislike me. Sometimes it’d make them unconfortable. Which as my disorder also affects how I receive rejection...was..really bad.

On the flip side of the flip side I was also incredibly ride or die and it left me open to a lot of manipulation and abuse from friends. I couldn’t be mad at them if they hurt me. I couldn’t say no to anything they said. I needed them.

My anxiety also contributes to this as I would constantly go through a checklist of how many good interactions vs “bad” or awkward interactions I had with people before I let myself feel like I was safe to call people my friends. Or even say I did okay interacting.

I had a lot of nights while I was making friends in college where I just felt like I was nothing to anyone. Like I was messing up. Looking back, it was just standard new friend interactions.

The more people mean to me, the more I’d freak out-I didn’t want to lose them. So it made it hard to even enjoy the friendship milestones I did achieve.

I’m using past tense because it’s gotten a lot better as situations that were making this 10 times worse have alleviated somewhat but there’s still seeds of it and sometimes it flares up. I’m just aware enough I can sometimes if not stop it identify it as my disorder talking. I don’t keep lists anymore but sometimes the thought pops up.

Facts About Your Disorder You Wish People Knew

I wish people knew what scripting and autistic burnout was. And that adults can have autism. And that vaccines don’t cause autism so stupid ass people didn’t risk their kid getting sick because they’re scared of my neurology.

I wish the only thing when I search about

I wish people took triggers seriously.

I wish more people knew about attachment disorders period.

I wish people knew how hard it all is sometimes.

Favorite healthy coping techniques

Plushies, pillows. Physical grounding techniques that include physical stimming. I’m very tactile when it comes to my autism and stimming so grounding techniques were Good Textures are involved help double.

For attachment disorder spirals: Watching YT animators or vloggers. Like a lot. It recently chased off my sleeping problems.

Playing with my dog.

Walking outside.

Going to the beach.

Looking at buildings. ( I don’t..I don’t know why?? It’s like a visual stim I guess? Like buildings that stand out to me due to their shape or being different than I usually see)

Basically going outside. ( to look at buildings, to look at nature, to the dog park, out in the grass in front of my building just..Outside Good, Inside Bad)

Sending fun stuff to friends/doing things for them.

I tend to get a good happy chemical surge from helping people/doing nice things for people so that’s something I really like using to my advantage. I’m looking at volunteer options.

Also cartoons and Disney Channel shows I watch a lot of those.

Cooking. I can’t understand this one either but cooking and baking sometimes even gives me more energy.

Current biggest struggles with your disorder/s

Being at home tanks my mental health. I don’t drive. So I’m home a lot.

Seeing families be happy hurts sometimes. And that’s my main confort narrative.

Seeing my friends with their families hurts sometimes. All I can think of is how much I wish I was a part of that. So I have to...not spend time with my friends.

I’m afraid to live alone.

I can’t get anything done sometimes. My train of thought has been crashing to the point that I completely lose it and I miss goals and deadlines almost every month. I need to get assignments done, build a portfolio, at least keep shrink dates, its all a hurdle lately. Even before that it’s hard for me to get stuff done when I’m home on my own ( aka when I’m supposed to be doing things) because all my brain can think is “we’re alone we’re alone we’re alone. It’s too quiet. We need to talk to someone.” According to my shrink DBT will help with this. I can’t wait.

It’s hard to see a myself having a good future sometimes. Because of how many hangups I have and how late I am in addressing them ( I’m 28) and how much there is to do.

What not to say to a person with similar/same disorder/s

“You’re making it all up”

“You should just get over it, it happened so long ago”

“You’re bringing me down stop talking about this”

“Its all in your head”

“Every one feels that way really”

Anything dismissive.

Anything from the stigma answer.

Literally any kind of pity (granted thats more a me thing due to childhood epilepsy meaning i had to deal with a lot of that. But honestly I’ll stand by it bc I’m not sure anyone really ...likes pity. )

Ways in which your disorder/s affect your daily life

I deal with executive dysfunction which makes it hard to get anything done. I feel like I’m starting over constantly. I feel like my age doesn’t match my brain. All of this augments my depression. I have to take days off in the middle of the week to just do nothing or catch up to all the stuff I haven’t done. I miss deadlines or just barely make them. I’m also a budding workaholic which I used to do to avoid dwelling on all these feelings so having to take breaks isn’t….something I’m used to or really like. I at one point handled school, work, and 2 editing jobs. I used to do martial arts, I like running, I like swimming. I’m the kind of person that needs to be on the move and lately that’s hard because spoons and energy.

Also a lot of basic self care is hard to get done because of the dysfunction mentioned above.

Things that give you hope

The fact that I’m finally getting therapy.

I guess having people I can talk to about it.

My family isn’t as bad as it was back in 2014.

I guess I know that even if I feel like I’m at a dead end, I’ll figure something out. That’s what I do. I mean that’s life, you think things are never getting better or that something’s the end of the world but really time marches onwards and so do you and you figure it out. Things fall into place. I believe life has a funny way of working out. If anything because it kinda has to, it can’t stand still yknow. I have moments of clarity where I just kinda remember that ( its not my first rodeo.in regards to hard times or Things That Happen..its not even my hardest rodeo so..if I got through that..you kinda figure you can muddle through this and see what comes next yknow) I’m oddly hopeful for the first time in a long time so, it’s p cool.

Treatment types and personal choices

I spent most of my childhood, and teenage years...and early 20s dodging therapy and help due to it being controlled by my mother and having really bad experiences with it in the past.I do regret it sometimes but I comfort myself with the fact that it was what seemed like the best decision and i didn’t have the information I now have about keeping her out of things.

After finding better insurance and getting into university I found a way to get myself a psychiatrist and am working on finding talk therapy. For the most part I tended to patch myself up a lot by finding ways to quiet the thoughts I had ( saving text messages to remind myself people dont hate me. Talking myself down. Joining social activities. That sorta home brew stuff. I’ve been soloing a lot of shit I probably shouldn’t have been until recently but hey live and learn. Also I didn’t have insurance.) As of recently I’m on an antidepresant and hopefully going into DBT. That reminds me I have to call them.

Your support system

I’ve found some really nice friends like they’ve kinda just collectively adopted me and when your disorder stems from losing family that..that’s been incredibly helpful. All my close friends are long distance but they help me. My younger sister is also there although i try to limit how much she’s privy to as she just turned 18. My brother and I tend to spend limited time together due to him having his own stuff goin on but I’d also put him there. My parents sorta count as....one supportive unit? ( they try with the best of intentions but it uh..thats..thats really all I can say about them)

Reactions from those who learn about your disorder/s

I get told I can’t possibly have them because i “look too successful” or whatever ableist rethoric they got going. When I talk about C-PTSD symptons I get side eye for “trivializing” it as they don’t believe I can have it and think I’m exaggerating anxiety symptons. When I talk about Attachment Disorders…..I often don’t because people always say something along the lines of “people with that are often too damaged and you don’t fit the bill” which..ouch.

Mostly it goes from “you don’t look like a damaged and/or psychopath crazy person” to “oh...I guess you are one” with a bit of “okay thats fine” but still anger and impatience when I show symptoms.

I don’t talk about my disorders a lot.

Future hopes and dreams

I’d like to get my attachment disorder under control as it’s the main life wrecking thing I have. After that or along with that I’d like to live somewhere where I get the social interaction I kinda need.

I wanna be happy with whatever profession I have and just..my life in general.

I hope DBT helps. Whatever it is It’s my first time even trying it.

I have a couple of personal creative goals but I don’t wanna jinx them by disclosing them ( I did mention I had anxiety)

Interactions with other people with the same disorders

I follow some peeps with BPD and also folks on the spectrum on tumblr. I don’t really have a lot of analog interaction. ( again no driving + suburbia = being cooped up A Lot) My sister and I share some disordered traits so we talk about them often and that helps a lot.

Things you want to work on/improve

The whole black and white thinking and maybe getting things done on time. I’d like to get the spirals under control too.

Work/school experience with disorder/s

Shit’s hard.

Often I don’t get the help I need and have learned to overcompensate/regulate so I can still get things done. I pretty much need to work since i don’t believe I’d qualify for disability. I get in trouble a lot for spacing out ( dissociating) and forgetting things at work. Work friendships are also slow burn if not just nonexistent due to my autism and people..not really knowing what to make of it. I’ll probably have to quit working while I study since I can’t really split focus enough to do both lately. Further, a lot of my energy needs to go into school things staying afloat and that tends to mean I can’t do things that contribute to my mental health ( i.e spending time with friends, going out, sometimes even therapy, taking breaks) as I’ve found out that sends me way back in recovery.

Free space!

Here’s a picture of my cat. She’s a demon. What it said Free Space.

Family history of mental disorders?

Mother has Bipolar disorder and depression. Sister has bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, Brother has anxiety and shows signs of ADHD, Dad has what we suspect is ADHD and possibly some disorder traits from past trauma. Used to have anger issues.

I uh..I used to call us “The Madhouse” for most of my late teens and early 20s.

Media representation of disorder/s

Attachment disorders: characters who are stalkers and so desperate for love family and acceptance they’ll do anything, even hurt people to feel it. Also often don’t have depression and can do things like learn villain skills.

Autistic traits are often cherry picked and portrayed in an unfavorable light. I think I’ve seen some rare cases of actual representation though.

How do you feel about talking about your mental health?

I don’t...like it as much as talking about mental health in general. Most of my life is...me running away from trauma and trying to reclaim a life outside of it. It’s what I did with my epilepsy of course that one was easier because the seizures went away.

Talking about it feels like going back. I wanna just move on with it. But I’ve reluctantly come around to see that talking about it is a way to move on. And I mean its not like dodging it’s worked out that well for me so.

The true face of mental illness (Selfie if you’re comfortable with it)

Aww yiiss. Selfies.

#mental health #mental illness #mental health awareness #mental health awareness 2018 #mental health awareness 2019 #mha2018 #well..2019 but thats what they said to tag it #depression cw #anxiety cw #self harm cw #suicidal feelings cw #ableism #abuse mention #fillicide mention #uuuh I think that covers it #here goes

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oceanbreaks · 6 years ago

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they call me an ugly white man’s whore … but HE KINDA CUTE Ok , even tho my friend said he looks like ned from horton hears a who and i can’t stop thinking about it … ANYWAYS ! tl;dr is below but a right mess , so apologies in advance . also wanted connections for ALL THREE OF MY CHARAS ! pls feel free to come and plot with me i want plots with every single one of y’all ‘cos im Greedy:tm: , alternatively , like this post and i’ll come to you !

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ paddy considine + male + he/him — have you met ethan rylance? they are a forty three year old known around town as the entangled. they’ve been in the gang life for seven years, and currently work for the savages as a medic. they are a bisexual virgo, which means they are steadfast + tender, as well as reticent + weary. annotated articles, the crunch of leaves under chelsea boots, reluctant acceptance . × tasha. twenty. she/her. est. ×

⁃ [ mconahey hey hey vc ] alright , alright , alright … this bitch never knew his father ! probably for the best, but surprise he was off in valdez up to no good, him and his dearest ma were in the city of stars ( angels ? ) LA ! his mother was an aspiring actress who never made it, but did her best to support him all the same . it made him kinda v independent , with a lot of time to himself which he spent mostly in nature b/c la has some rly nice hiking trails omg

⁃ suffers from ptsd stemming from a car accident he was in when he was like sixteen, resulting in the death of his step-dad and a rly bad stammer that he went to therapy for .

⁃ mr. ethan was always curious abt his but his mom was adamant on telling him anything until he was eighteen . when he turned eighteen , his mom was like ye he’s in valdez i don’t talk to him but like do what u will with that info !

⁃ he takes a trip down to valdez to discover his dearest daddy is just bumming around total deadbeat… Sad but ethan so very longing for that father figure keeps in touch, and gets to know him and for the most part rly likes him . discovers he has an alcohol abuse problem , most likely stemming from ptsd from vietnam .

⁃ anyhaps he doesn’t stay in valdez b/c he’s like nah .. not my scene lmao , but goes to school a couple states over in arizona , so he can be close to his momther and father … aw , but closer to mom cos she’s more Valid but he keeps in regular contact with his father and tries to see him at least once a year

⁃ he studies psychology and loves it , loves school , becomes a counselling psychologist specifically for those with ptsd ( but also has the right requisites for like psychiatry cos he took bio or whatever life sci requisite u need idk )

⁃ ok bare with me cos im not even sure on the details, but in the span of him first meeting his pops and now , dad ends up in jail ( he owed money to the savages, so did a job to pay it off which included a home invasion with several other ppl in which one person died, even tho he wasn’t the one who shot him , he took the fall cos he was pretty expendable considering he wasn’t actually part of the gang ) , ethan offers to help with costs of legal advice and his sentence is reduced to like ten years

⁃ n his dad is like hey im out ! come chill xd and ethan’s like ok !! and he comes and it turns out his dad’s been out of jail for like six months and has already amounted a debt against him so he’s doing jobs for the savages again ? and is like lol wanna help ,, , and a 35 year old ethan still vying for his father’s acceptance is like ok .. . ig

⁃ so he delivers some drugs ( his dad comes up with some bs excuse like the ppl he’s meant to deliver to will recognize him n beat him up or something ) but apparently it was the savages set up to kill his pops 1) b/c he’s a general nuisance and 2) so he wouldn’t speak out against them regarding the home invasion as he’d been trying to get outside law help to prove his innocence even tho it never amounted to anything

⁃ so instead ethan gets brutally beat up instead and nearly killedt until the assassin or whoever is like .. . im p sure the target’s meant to be older ghjfkfgh ( this wouldn’t be like assassin incompetence they were prolly just told kill the guy who shows up with the drugs xoxo ) the ptsd is NOT thriving ...

⁃ as soon as he’s out of the hospital ethan goes stupidly all high and mighty to the savages hq being like wtf is up kyle , and they’re basically like, if u wanna protect ur dad u gon have to stick around in valdez and mr. deadbeat dad over this is putting on the puppy eyes like pls dont let me die lol and reluctantly he’s like aight fam i got u

⁃ SO NOW HIS DAD’S JUST LIKE A 60 YEAR OLD SOD deadbeating around valdez basically trapping him and which rly shows his father’s true colours ( also did he kno that ethan cld’ve gotten killed .. maybe so ) and yet the amount of reverence ethan still holds for him is .. Crackhead level

⁃ honestly it’s been ten years and doesn’t know if the threat still stands but valdez has kinda been ingrained in him at this point and although he wants to leave he can’t bring himself to , it’s also why he doesn’t switch to the cobras even though he has plenty reason to - feeling like participation in the feud would only ensnare him more

CONNECTIONS

crack open a cold one : he loves beer okay .. let him crack open a cold one with the boys . that’s it , that’s the connection .

person who tried to assassinate him : he probably hates him ! still has nightmares about that night , so thanks for that ! wld be a rly cool connection to take up , and just wanna emphasize that whoever higher up probably just told the assassin to kill the person who showed up with the drugs so /technically/ it’s not their fault, but it is THEIR FAULT that they’re a frikken murderer ! all my charas a cowards , we been knew .

person who killed someone in the home invasion thingy resulting in his father going to jail : ethan probably hates this person too ! he has a lot of hate to go around .

hook-up : he’s 45 , not dead … though he’s not the biggest age gap stan , again , he’s a COWARD .

ex from before valdez : he probably lost contact with everyone when he came to valdez , sad , idk how this one would work honestly, but if they’re not from valdez hmu we can figure something out and hc !

ex in general : can healthy relationships exist in valdez ? exactly . someone who tries to convert him to cobra-hood omg : i mean he has a lot of reason to but just never bit the bullet idk !

therapy, bitch ! : come talk to him , let him counsel u uwu , need an unbiased ear ? he’s ur man !

FRANCES !

law clerk or crooked cop : this is kinda integral to her plot, basically the person who made sure she didn’t go to jail when she accidentally killed her father , i feel like frances would feel super indebted to them , but also hold the slightest bit of resentment towards them because she feels as though she deserves to go to jail .

college friend : if there are any students in this hizzy house , hmu ! someone she partied with in the brief time she was in college , and then also someone who introduced her to the clubs . can be the same person or someone else , but also someone she loves dancing with . also someone she can be a nerd with and like rent out a space or come to the club when it’s not open and learn dumb dance routines like the one from riverdale dhjfgf , I JUST REALLY WANT HER TO LEARN THE DANCE OK !

friend who comes over to dinner : listen her grandma worries abt her a lot ok and is always like do u even have friends lmao, so GIMME SOMEONE who comes over to dinner and says yes when gma offers a second serving and quells her grandma’s worries about frances .

BOBBY !

childhood friends : okay consider this, listen to sticks ’n’ stones by jamie t , and give me a friendship based on that ? basically kids who just got into a bunch of shit together , mostly this iconic lyric : and rushed back to your momma’s flat , it’s the only place but home i feel relaxed enough to crap , i know it sounds crude , but there’s something to that . since bobby was basically jesus of suburbia , it’d be cool if the friend was probably like had some connection to the trouble ja feel .

fellow movie buff : god this’d be so pretentious i hate it already, but gimme someone who also nuts over old film , and criticizes blockbusters or in opposition someone who argues for the validity of marvel movies shdfjdf - it’s jus a fun dynamic , movie night , CUDDLING , POPCORN ! getting blasted and watching requiem for a dream , then going on a bad trip because they got blasted and watched requiem for a dream fhgdf

drug dealer : a man likes his drugs , we been knew . pretty basic . but ! uk what would be cool , if the drug dealer was older / same age as him and it was the dealer who got him into the gang , uwu solidarity ! i figured they had like a brief romance , remained good friends idk , we could figure it out . but if not , just regular drug dealer . he’s like hit me with the good stuff , he’ll take anything he’s not picky , just an addict .

#valdez.intro #ur braver than the us marines if u got thru all this #onto replies !! i wanna plot b4 i do moodboards so i can include some connects on them uwu

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musubiki · 7 years ago

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Got any hcs for white? Her starter, her journey, etc? And like. Fws hcs?? 👀👀👀

K HERE WE GO MY SECOND FAVORITE GIRL EVER(this is gonna be long bc. i like them too)

➞

white chose tepig as her starter. this is actually a GREAT match because Gus is really rash and hasty and stubborn fist fighter just like her

white has never lost a battle. that was her goal it was never really to become champion or anything (she didnt care for all the responsibility that came with it) her goal was to be undefeated. which did not bode well for cheren, who wanted to be champion, and lost every battle against her

“well this is discouraging”

she really loves bianca!!! and cheren!!!!! she has the least patience and sense out of the three. cheren has to keep her grounded so she doesnt do weird shit

white is physically the strongest out of the protags. its mysterious. she als o has the best hair

when she first meets N he is. a creep. im sorry. even i see it like that when you first meet him hes weird. when she first hears the team plasma speech in the first town, shes like boiling already. why would anyone listen to the knights of the round table?! this is weird. she kicks N’s ass first battle.

her problem from here on out and throughout the journey is that. she was the opposite of N. she thought that everyone treated their pokemon nicely and no one could ever hurt a pokemon. she learned she was wrong fairly quickly, and tried to fix and embrace reality instead of N, who tried to change the world all at once.

this is why shes the hero of truth and hes the hero of ideals.

i dont have a lot of solid hc interactions between them (mostly bc i havent played in a while jfklas i abandoned my boy) but throughout their journey they. actually talk. and argue. and they both equally learn things from each other. and despite him being kinda weird (she thinks) shes actually kinda concerned for him

he makes her think about things she wouldnt otherwise. not just the fate of pokemon but about the future and the whole world. because of him she actually has this moment, where she has all of her current team out. and she realises that she is, like what he says and just makes her pokemon fight. of course and loves and cares for them, and she just. asks them real solemly like. “Do you guys even want to fight? Like do you even like being here?”

and she already decided that if any of them didn’t want to be there, she would let them go.

luckily, her whole team is full of pokemon just like her and they enjoy the fights, and the adventure, and spending time with her, and shes thrilled. after this she asks pokemon she catches that she wants to keep if they wanna stay with her

i love N a lot ok. whenever N talks to white she always says something that surprises him and makes him look at the world differently. eventually he finds himself actually seeking her out and deliberatly looking for chances to run into her. he gains a lot of respect for her. whenever he talks to her he takes his hat off and nervoulsy kinda. holds it in his hands and shes kinda “?”

when she first finds out hes king. of team plasma. shes pissed. shes ready to TIP TH DAMN CART THING IN THE FERRISHWEEL AND HAVE A FIGHT RIGHT THERE. HES TELLING HER TO CALM DOWN AND SHES LIKE HOW DID YOU EXPECT ME TO REACT??????????????

shes angry bc hes the king of this. horrible orginization. and as far as shes seen all they do is steal and abuse pokemon. the next few times she talks to him he tells her that theyre nothing like that, and that they only look after pokemon

this is actually true. some of the grunts fully believe in the true cause. but most of them follow ghetsis. and N has no idea that his grunts are actually abusing and stealing (i keep thinking about the dreamyard because that scene was what the fuck????a re you doing????)

she begins to realize this. that he has no idea. and that he actually believes in this cause. and as she gets to know him she realises he is. the purest person. and he has no idea. and she feels kinda bad bc she was kinda mean to him before, but hes still plasma so shes confused about how she should treat him because he always treats her and her pokemon pretty nicely.

N is actually a very nice and gentle soul. he’ll put up a fight for sure, but especially towards white hes the sgtwytwytws weetest thing im sorry i have a soft spot for him. lowkey he wants her approval.

if youve ever seen miraculous ladybug, i imagine N to be kind of like adrien(without the chat side to him) like hes just. nice. and gentle and. cute.

i hc that they have way more interactions than the game gives you

the best thing theyve ever had together was this celebration in Iccirus city (similar to like…the 4th of july kinda thing..) and whites pretty alone. cherena and bianca are off doing Arceus knows what and shes like. alone. and she finds N outside the city with some pokemon.

so she goes and talks to him. questions why hes out here all alone in like, the cold. shouldnt you be with your family or something? its a holiday. and she caught him off gaurd and he immedatly like stands up and hes kinda happy to see her. he doesnt question why but hes. happy. when shes around.

he tells her his father never really cared for these kinds of celebrations anyway, and that he usually spends these kinds of days alone. he doesnt think this is a big deal but whites kinda,.. lonely too. so she proposes “Listen, no one should be alone today. And I don’t really have anyone to hang out with either, so what do you say we just, forget about the sworn enemies thing for the night and go have some fun or something”

and hes. surprised. here she goes again. always saying something new and pleasent and hes. like beaming hes so cutnhejfje so he agrees.

and this turns into. a pretty great night for them both actually. like they actually get along great when theyre not arguing about the future of unova. they play a lot of booth games and.

hdj white loses at one of those ball tossing games(she usually loses and then harasses the booth guy with “Booo its rigged” but she just likes to have fun) and N. is determined. he fuckin. calculates wind direction and all this weird shit and gets. a record high score and shes like how the fuck did you do that. he smiles and answers its all in the wrist.

he gets her some stuffed animal thing. shes like this is the best day ever shes thrilled. they go and get food and like by the end of the night theyre actually. like friends. and she didnt think this would happen but she actually likes hanging out with him. at some point she wins a seashell necklace that she wears for the timeskip outfit

so theyre sitting there at the edge of the festival whatever eating caramel popcorn and ice cream and hot dogs laughing and telling stories about weird people theyve met and crazy things theyve done.

and they talk about his family. and why hes with plasma in the first place. and where her parents are. and why they believe in the things that they say and do. it turns out theyre both orphans. the only difference between them is that hes alone

at some point (i forget how this comes up) he asks white if theyre friends. she pauses for a while because she doesnt know how to answer it. yes, she thinks, when she’s with him like this. when she forgets that hes leading a region-wide organization aiming to seperate people and pokemon. but she settles with a yes, and jokingly adds that if they were destined to be mortal enemies they could hang out more, and he smiles

she spots a pair of plasma grunts, looks like theyre doing some shady things, but her head flashes back to the conversations shes had with N. he doesnt know what his grunts do. so she tells him to stay there and she’ll be back. hes kind of confused and worried, so he follows her from a distance.

she follows the grunts into a cave/grotto/area. yep, here they are abusing some poor purrloins or something, trying to get something that ghetsis claims he needs. she has her stountland right beside her and angrily questions what they think theyre doing.

when they snarkily and confidently answer that they do whatever they want, she asks why theyre even a part of team plasma at all if theyre gonna treat pokemon like this. she tells them to go join team rocket if theyre looking for business like that. N is outside listening to all of this

they say something like “You think this about money?” and she asks what else and they answer “This is about power. We don’t give a damn about freeing pokemon for justice! When all the pokemon are gone plasma will reign supreme!!”

she clutches her pokeball. shes pissed. not just because, these fuckers got issues, but because they are deliberatly. disobeying N, and everything he stands for. so she tells them to get out of there before they end up regretting it. they laugh and tell her they dont even listen to their own King, why would they listen to her.

(white is a huge badass by the way. shes the more hardcore and probably coolest protag)

then N steps in and they. fall silent. and they are terrified. the stutter and stammer about how it was all a misunderstanding, and it wasnt their fault, and they didnt mean it, and every excuse they could come up with but N. is kind of like leaf in this sense because he is. angry. but his anger comes off cold and heartless and man he is cool.

so they, because they know theyre screwed already, decide that they wont take this shit anymore and challenge them to a fight. figure if they manage to beat N, maybe they could rule plasma instead. (this is my excuse to get N and White to double battle) and they rock. theyre the perfect tag team. truely the two sides of the same coin

when theyre defeated. N forces them to release their pokemon and they run away, never to show their faces to plasma again. They stand there in silence for a while, and N asks “Why did you tell me not to stay there?”

shes quiet for a while before answering “Because…you believe in what you do” and “I didn’t want you to see the worst of what was going on.”

he thanks her for her concern, and tells her not to think like that, because now he finally sees what shes been trying to tell him about plasma, and maybe he can do something about it now that he knows. ignorance is never bliss, he adds, and she knows hes right. she just didnt want him to be hurt, she thinks

she asks what hes going to do, and he answers he’d try to weed out whatever corruption was in plasma. he hopes what the grunts say wasnt true, and that this was just a small mutiny, not rooting from the very top.

FYI SHES NOT SUPPORTING PLASMA at this point she still hates plasmas ass for doing what they do, but shes seen now the way some trainers treat their pokemon (in and out of plasma) and she thinks that if this cause was done right, it would help the world a lot

unfortunaly N is a fool lol and wants to liberate ALLLL THE DAMN POKEMON.

ofc after this. ghetsis goes and. poisons his mind again with how shes a fool and shes trying to manipulate you and why would you doubt your own father. and right after this N. becomes the hero of ideals and they become worse enemies than theyve ever been. she becomes the hero of truth and he smiles because suddenly. everything makes sense. why hes always so happy to be around her. why it feels like she completes him despite all their differences and he. loves her he just doesnt know it

and she knows for a fact that ghetsis is behind all of this but because N is the king, she has to go through him first.

and she really cares for N. she actually ends up realising after he leaves that yeah, she pretty much loved him. and she hates his ass for leaving. so she goes to chase him down because cheesy as it is, these two are literally soulmates. they both acknowledge that meeting and growing with the other has made them better and stronger people and white refuses to let that go.

(i love their story and dynamic)

i dont have a set reuniting scene for them yet, the only one i have is.,.,. a part of that other story im lowkey working on..,.,. but she slaps him thats for sure LOL. hes like a puppy hes so happy to see her again hes like “White!!” and shes. PISSED. she has tears in her eyes and CATCH THESE HANDS. leaf and green are probably there and theyre like WHOA WHAT

green actually relates to white bc of this bc yeah, i waited for like 3 years for the love of my life too

#long post #REALLY LONG POST #im sorry mobile users #anon #ask #headcanons #ferriswheelshipping

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yiangchen · 6 years ago

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I dont understand why the writers keep addressing abuse, addiction, suicide or any trauma at all when they DONT KNOW HOW TO. Also i dont understand wtf they are doing with some characters, like echo, kane, even raven, they seem so out of character or with no story at all. What do u think? It will all come together at the end like a puzzle or is it poor writing?

Bruh, I’m so with you, but I also kinda have mixed feelings because sometimes the writers handle things well and other times they don’t, which is The Most Annoying Thing.

I’m gonna break this down because there’s A Lot to this ask. (This got kinda long, so sorry in advance.)

Addiction

I don’t like Abby (haven’t liked her since she slapped Raven in s2 for no reason and never apologized), but the way they are handling her addiction storyline is gross. It’s always about someone else, and the focus is never on her. Also, the way Kane handled the situation was just…jfc that is not how you handle addicts, especially when you’re supposed to be their loved ones. (It reminded me so much of when Octagon did the same to Lincoln in s2.) Like, there’s a difference between setting emotional boundaries and belittling your loved ones.

A perfect example of this is the differences in how the writers have handled Memori versus Kbby this season, specifically the way that Emori has set emotional boundaries in contrast to how Kane has belittled Abby.

Which is why the writers confuse me so much honestly. Here they have Emori handling the situation in the right way, and the narrative supports her, but then here they have Kane handling the situation in the wrong way, and somehow, the narrative also supports him. It doesn’t make any sense.

Suicide

Yeah, they definitely did not handle this well with Jasper in s4. At all. We never got to see people reacting or for some even finding out at all about his death, and they’ve all been friends since s1. It was just really shitty.

However, I will admit that in s5, they’ve handled it a lot better. It’s been six years, but Monty is STILL struggling with Jasper’s death. We also got Clarke breaking down when she finds his suicide note, Bellamy saying he misses him, a whole scene where Monty read Jasper’s suicide note in front of Harper, Bellamy and Clarke, and Monty’s entire arc this season being inspired by Jasper.

A major theme of this season has been “breaking the cycle”, and the reason for that is JASPER. It shows that when Jasper killed himself, his story didn’t end, and that’s a really important message to send. It really seems like that, in this case, the writers have learned that last season was not how you should write a suicide storyline.

As for the way they’ve handled Clarke…that’s another story, and it kinda contradicts what I just said, WHICH IS SO FRUSTRATING. They’ve learned with Jasper, but somehow, Clarke almost kills herself and goes through so much trauma and it’s not even a fucking focus of the season? That’s bad writing. I’m sure some of what she went through will be addressed when she and Bellamy have their inevitable reconciliation because it was touched on back in 5x05, but still. Clarke should have been a focus. Not someone that falls into the background along with her trauma.

Trauma

I kinda got into this with Clarke above.

Abuse

Of all the things that piss me the fuck off about this show, this is what gets me the most heated. I really don’t understand how sometimes the writers condemn abuse and others times they excuse it.

A glaringly obvious example is the difference between how they’ve handled the Blakes in seasons 3 and 4 versus Raven and her relationship with her mother growing up. I was so happy that the narrative condemned the abuse that Raven’s mother put her through, but it also pissed me off. I know that Raven’s mother isn’t even in the story and Raven’s relationship with her is (obviously) by no means a focus of the show like the Blakes are, but that’s no excuse.

Octagon beat Bellamy bloody, and it was NEVER addressed. She emotionally and verbally abused him, and it was NEVER addressed. The narrative was framed as though Bellamy was the one who needed to wait around for Octagon’s forgiveness and not the other way around. There was just a shit ton of victim blaming excused by the narrative. Also, I will never understand how the writers can have Bellamy say, “It’s pathetic, right? She hates me, but I keep coming back for more” and somehow be completely ignorant of the fact that they are writing an abuse storyline. Somehow, they recognize abuse when it happens off screen (Raven and her mother), but when it’s right in front of their fucking faces, they are blind to it.

And don’t even get me started on Octagon being portrayed as badass and strong when she’s an abuser…

Echo

She doesn’t seem OOC to me and she does have a story this season (doing whatever it takes to protect her new family, even when they don’t agree with her methods), but I just don’t care about her at all. Her redemption would have been the most intriguing aspect to her character and they passed over all of that with the time jump.

Kane

Doesn’t seem OOC either to me, and he does have a story, but it’s the same one he always has (keeping the peace). And it’s just so boring. They should have killed him off in 5x02 instead of Jaha, who imo would have a far more intriguing relationship with Diyoza.

Raven

Don’t get me wrong, I love Zaven, but that seems like her only storyline this season. The writers haven’t given her much else to do, which sucks because Raven is always behind the scenes saving everyone’s asses, but somehow not this season?? Also, side note: it makes no sense that Echo was in charge over her when Raven is Bellamy’s second. Not Echo. So, they could have given Raven a storyline where she’s in a leadership position within her family, but instead, they gave that to Echo.

Will this all come together?

Man, I really hope so. Honestly, the only thing I have hope for is Bellamy and Clarke getting a proper reconciliation. Because Blarke is the one thing that the writers have never messed up. As for the rest, guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I also wanna binge the season sometime during the hiatus for s6. I’m 99.9% sure that things will run a lot smoother. A lot of times it just seems like it’s bad writing when really the issue is that we are watching this show episodically instead of binging it. So, we have a lot of time to dwell on something that may be addressed, resolved, etc. at the very start of the next episode.

#replies #anti octagon apologists #anti abuse apologists #s5 #the 100

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sortagaysortahigh · 3 years ago

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hi lex i just wanna say an unpopular euphoria opinion that i have and like see u unpack it: so i didn’t actually watch the special episodes and up until i saw a clip from it i loved ali and thought rue was dead wrong for what she said to him. but after i saw a clip of him telling rue that he hit the mother of his children in the face during a fight my thoughts kind of changed because yes, ali recognizes his mistakes and he’s trying to better himself for his family and he’s trying to help rue as well. that being said, he did still hit his wife in front of his two children, a woman who was probably raising those two children by herself (and is rn too!) cause of his addiction. and yeah addiction is a disease but he still chose to be a husband/father and let them down. and if he can get high and hit his wife and everyone blows past it why can’t rue get high and talk shit? also, i dont wanna compare nate and ali because i feel like nate has done more fucked up shit plus comparing a rich privileged white man to a black man with an addiction just feels very wrong BUT nate choked maddy. ali hit his wife. i know they’re all not supposed to be perfect but i find it weird that people forget about it. i’m not saying u specifically!! i just wanted to share cause i feel like the general consensus is that people love him and never ever talk about his flaws. (again, not u specifically)💞

Omg no bc i had this exact convo w my friend ab the show as well and i think the key element that you emphasized that we talked ab is that ali is a recovering addict and his actions done while being an addict were fucking horrible and yeah hes getting better but he shouldnt be forgiven for that specifically bc beating on your wife and being a deadbeat bc you need a fix isnt any type of excuse. Howevrr i think what bothered me the most (being the scene of rue being a cunt to ali) is that from what we’ve seen ali puts up w rue’s shit bc hes trying to stop her from slipping into the same path that he was in, and hes trying to get her to understand that addiction destroys your fuckin life and turns you into a piece of shit which he’s a living example of and now that he’s been sober he recognizes the shit he did was wrong and he doesnt ask for forgiveness but he does ask for a sense of confidentiality and understanding that yes he fucked up but thats not some shit you throw into someones face when theyre telling you that this is the path youre about to end up on if you dont tighten the fuck up. Rue really pissed me off bc i found the scene relatable in a sense that i have family members and friends that were addicts and are recovering and while they can sit and admit they fucked up-they use their fuck ups to lead other people and to guide them towards a better lifestyle or a better path and its like rue shits on ali constantly for sobering up but she would still shit on him if he was a wifebeating crackhead. She pissed a lot of ppl off bc its not her experience to speak on and she has no right to throw that in his face especially after hes done a lot for her ass when he didnt have to.

Now w the nate jacobs comparison i def see where youre coming from in the sense that both of these men have done abusive things but i think the key difference is sobriety and the impact of hard drugs on someone’s mind and thought process. Ali was abusive and a piece of shit bc he was a strung out crackhead who didnt know right from wrong anymore bc his sense of right was getting high and being left the fuck alone. Nate jacobs’ sober ass is a psychotic abusive asshole who fixates on wanting the perfect woman and when he cant get that he basically resorts to manipulation and abuse bc of his projected childhood traumas.

I cant say that i think Ali is a bad person, i think hes somewhere in the grey area between good and bad, but i can say that nate jacobs is def a bad person

#askies #nonnie

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herroyalhighnessqueenmomo · 7 years ago

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Tough Cookie

Request: Hello! I dont know if it went through my phone is being a piece of garbage xD, but could I have a billy Hargrove one shot? Billy gets angry and scares the reader pretty bad and she doesn’t know if he’ll take it out on her because she has dealt with abuse in her family before. If you don’t want to do this, I understand and it’s fine. Happy holidays and I love your stories btw.

Warnings:Abuse,slight angst,Billy Hargrove,Cursing

A/N:I’m so sorry I haven’t been updating my stories I have been having bad writer’s block and its slowing me down.

You listened to some music on your radio.You were listening to Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar.A song you currently would call your favorite.You parked at the school parking lot.

You were walking towards when a car almost hit you.If you hadn’t jumped out the way you might’ve very well been hit.The guy driving parked crookidly beside you,in fact,he almost scratched your car.

“What the hell jackass?!“You yelled out. This guy casually and slowly gets out like he’s god gift making a difference and about to solve world hunger.You however thought the title Devil’s Advocate was much more fitting.He smirked at you.

“What’s that cupcake?“He asked.

You had almost lost it.You were trying to hold everything together.It was too early for this shit and there was no coffee at home. “Clean your ears asshole!You almost killed me!" Welp…you tried to hold everything together.

His smile widened like this was a joke."But I didn’t,did I?"You were not amused."I’m Billy.”

“You’re name might be Billy but you’re still just an asswipe."You replied crossing your arms.

You walked away furiously and got in school.Who even was this guy to think that shit was okay?You were just pissed off to the fact that he could possibly have license.What did the DMV have a sale on license?Buy one Get one free?If that was the case you would’ve tried getting yours for free that day.Still this asshole had the audacity to just almost kill you then smile about it.Sure you knew you weren’t popular or anything but you figured your life still had some kind of worth.

That was the start of an epic rivalry between you two.This consisted of you two constantly name calling each other.He’d flirt with you…attempted at least. You went home one day with strong intent to figuring out a way to piss off Billy.

"Y/N!"You heard the familiar voice yelling at you.

You flinched immediately. "Y-Yes!"You yelled back.

"Get down here!When I call you its because I need you here now you lazy shit!”

You got up quickly and ran downstairs.You knew damn well you didn’t want to test his patience.

“Where is dinner?"He asked.

You had no words coming out of your mouth.

"What about the trash?Did you take it out?Did you clean the house?!"He was increasingly getting angry.

You flinched, "I’m sorry,I-I forgot.I got a bit busy.”

“Busy with what?Its certainly not school,you have a C in math.”

You didn’t reply.

“If you were actually afraid of me you wouldn’t forget anything.”

He punched your stomach.You choked out in pain.The abuse continued but not on the face,never the face.He knew not to hit you in places people could see.Your father could get angry but not angry enough to get careless.When he finished beating you,you forced yourself to do your chores.At the end of the night you never got to eat.

This was not the first time this has happened. You never got angry at him. If anything you strived to be the best so he would be proud of you not disgusted. The next morning your body was sore and in so much pain. Your dad took away your car so you had to walk. You walked to school biting your tongue because the pain felt so unbearable.

Throughout the day your mood got worst and worst. You were about to walk home at the end of the day when you heard hollering. Before you could turn around you felt a smack on your ass and someone grasped it. You whipped your head around quickly to see Billy. This demon spawn was smirking at you. His friends were hollering and hooting just laughing at the fact that he just violated you.

"What the actual hell Billy!"You shouted at him.

"Aw come on cupcake.You know you like it when I touch you. Bet you’d want me to touch yo all night long."He teased.

"Owww!Show her how its done Billy!”

You were just angry and disgusted with him and his friends and you had just about had it with his shit. “You wanna know how I think about you touching me?”

He smirked.“More than anything right now.”

You started speeding towards his car with anger in each step you took. At first,he had no clue what was up and then he realized his car was in danger. He ran after you but by that point you through your hardest kick to the side of his car leaving a dent in it the size of your foot.

“Y/N!What the hell?!"He yelled at you.

You turned to him. "Don’t touch me if you don’t want your shit kicked in!”

He was in your face now. “You don’t get to ruin my car!”

You have never seen him this angry before and it scared the ever living shit out of you. You kind of coiled back from him and avoided eye contact.

At that moment his whole demeanor changed almost completely. He has recognized that look before. Its the same look of fear he has for his father. He was concerned now.

“Get in the car.”

“What?”

“You heard me now get in my car. I’m not asking you again.”

You weren’t planning on arguing with him at this very moment so you did what you were told. He got in the driver’s seat and began driving aimlessly.

“Who hits you?"He asked.

You looked at him."What d-”

“Y/N don’t deny it, the way you reacted. That’s from fear of getting hit."He said.

"Well you looked super pissed-”

He gave you glare. “Truth Y/N.”

You looked out the window avoiding his eyes.

“It’s none of your business.”

“I’m making it my business.”

“Why?” He was silent.

“My dad is a jackass. He likes to use me like a punching bag. I know how it feels and its shitty.”

You looked at him to see if he was serious. “Billy…I didn’t know.”

He shrugged “No one really does.”

“Is that why-”

“I’m an asshole all the time?Mostly."He said.

You stared off at the road in front of you.

"My dad.” You said quietly.

He looked at you. “What?”

“My dad.He’s the one who hits me. I live alone with him. Sometimes he just gets so angry with me. Its like he will come up with any excuse just to hit me.”

You came clean you were very quiet, not sure what to say.

“I’m sorry.”

“Its not your fault.”

“Maybe not,but I shouldn’t act like a jackass to you.”

More silence.

“Maybe we should start over.”

He looked back at you.

“It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it."You suggested.

He gave you a smile. "This might be a start to a beautiful friendship. Two screwed up people.”

You let out a laugh. “Sounds good to me.”

#billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #imagine #request

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badgogh · 7 years ago

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17.12.06 - who?? am i??

i haven’t written one of these things in over a year but i’m gonna try and see if it makes me feel better

when i was about seven or eight and my cousins came to visit my mom and i in georgia, my uncle complained to my mom the my younger cousin was just doing things for attention and that he didnt want his own son anymore because he “just couldn’t handle it” and i was thinking “oh man my moms really gonna rip into this kid” because before we move i had lived with my grandmother and she had taught me how to do everything the old-fashioned way but when we got to this new house, everything was different and i dint know how to do anything and my mom thought i kept fucking shit up for attention so she would beat the living shit out of me and her excuse was that i needed to stop doing things for attention and behave.

i was under the impression the my younger cousin would get the same treatment but i was wrong. my mom was a lot more patient with him. she even offered to take him and let him live with us. and i think that was one of the first moment in my life that i realized that my feelings, my treatment, my importance came last in our family. that entire trip, it kept dawning on me. i was the first born grandchild but i would be last in everything else. no matter how smart, how pretty, how well-behaved i was. my cousins were always gonna be the golden children who got whatever they wanted and i was always gonna be the fuck up. even now, my cousin has gone to jail and still, he gets more love than i do.

and i would love to tell you that this hasnt affected me and i have grown into a fully functioning and happy adult but i would be lying. i always put myself last and i always put myself down and i would do anything for anyone who makes me feel special in even the slightest because i would like to believe that i dont have to earn anyone’s love that i deserve to be loved unconditionally just like everyone else but i know it’s not true. and it’s for that reason that i let my own mother manipulate me for years and i let someone i barely knew emotionally, psychologically, and mentally abuse me for months knowing that i was just because they would say sorry and be nice a fraction of the time. and that’s what im having a breakdown about now. because if my own family didn’t believe me when i told them someone literally molested me, if my own mother treated kids she wasnt even related to better than she treated me then....who am i really? does anything i say matter or am i just speaking to air and typing into the void?

anyway i guess i’m just the person that people go to when they wanna try out some fucked up shit on someone or use someone or have someone to blame. i’m a fucking scapegoat. i’m a crash test dummy. i’m a lab rat. i’m fucking scum i guess that’s fine. it’s a waste, really.

#| princess |#| talk |

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tumblunni · 8 years ago

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Also I liked the realistic touch in the yugioh beginning that jounouchi stopped being a bully after that incident BUT honda/tristan didnt.

It was really nicely established how jounouchi was poor and had an abusive dad and had reasons why he was acting out, and specifically how he hated yugi out of jealousy. Like.. he thought at first it was ‘because yugi is weak’, but really it was because he was strong enough to be himself no matter how much he was bullied, whereas jounouchi had to resort to becoming a stereotypical macho asshole in order to get friends. And also that he felt like yugi was being uppity and boasting how he doesnt need friends, cos of how he refused to change no matter how much jounouchi kept teaching him this ‘lesson’ that you need to become an asshole like him or you’ll be all alone. And then I feel like it hit really hard when yugi defended him and got beaten half to death even though he’d done nothing to deserve this happiness. And ESPECIALLY how yugi said that he saw him as a firends, and actually desperately wanted friends just as much as jounouchi does. And ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY how yugi tried to excuse jounouchi’s actions by saying he was ‘just teaching me how to be a real man’. Its like ‘holy shit when i see him repeating my philosophy i can see how fucked up it is. Why am I sad that he actually started hating himself, when thats what I was trying to do??’ He realized first of all how his self-hate had made him misinterpret Yugi’s personality entirely, and then how much he’d been destroying this poor guy who never deserved it, AND THEN how much the guy friggin THANKS HIM for doing it and tries to save his life?! No wonder this moment was big enough to shatter Jounouchi’s entire bully persona and make him reevaluate his life. And man it was just SO GOOD how the apology happened! The scene just ends after Jounouchi’s reaction goes from “ugh, yugi, you sent this asshole to beat us up?!” to “HOLY SHIT YUGI YOU SAVED US”, so you don’t know if it really sunk in or not. And the story just moves on to other things, but then suddenly at the most desperate moment you hear that jounouchi had gone to yugi’s grandpa and told him about how this thug was threatening him, and tried to help. And even more than that, it always kills me with the bit where “even though it wasn’t raining, he was soaking wet”. Cos he’d thrown away that piece of the millenium puzzle earlier, and he friggin BROKE INTO THE SCHOOL AT NIGHT to search everywhere outside that window to find it, ultimately diving into the goddamn swimming pool to get it back. And youve gotta remember that at this point he didnt even know the thing was magic, nobody did! He just knew that he’d ruined yugi’s favourite game and he wanted to fix it, if he was gonna make a real apology. And the EVEN SADDER part is that he DIDNT EVEN MAKE AN APOLOGY. He didn’t do any of this because he wanted forgiveness or credit or a pat on the head, at the last moment he decided he’d just give it back to yugi’s grandpa, tell him about the bully, and then leave before yugi came to the door. Its like.. half of him is too ashamed/embarassed to see yugi again, half of him feels like he has no right to be forgiven. And then of course blablabla, puzzle is completed, we meet Yami for the first time and he kicks the bully’s ass, woo! And then its so heartwarming that after all that Yugi friggin INSISTS on accepting Jou’s apology! Jounouchi shows up at school covered in bandaids and with a cold, feeling like he’s just destroyed his own life and lost the only bully friends he had, but its worth it because he didnt wanna keep hurting yugi. And then Yugi runs up and is like ‘AINT TAKIN NO FOR AN ANSWER’, and jounouchi finally opens up a bit and says a corny friendship line, and then he gets embarassed and has a comedic pratfall to end the chapter, completing his transformation from scary character into best friend! ITS SO PERFECT

But then in comparison we have Honda who’s really just introduced as bully-Jou’s bully-sidekick. Even when he becomes a good and trusted friend we never get any sign that his bullying had a big reason behind it, in comparison to Jou he was just an immature bastard doing stupid shit who finally matured. I wish he’d got more screentime and maybe gone into that a little, he pretty much only had a big focus as a bully and then became the most forgettable generic cheerleader of the friend group :P But yeah it was realistic and interesting how even though Jounouchi had turned good, his friend Honda hadn’t. And he was only here at first cos he was Jou’s friend, even if he was like “WTF. Its yugi! YUGI, Jou! Why do we suddenly like Yugi?? U gone nuts??” And then there was the interesting conflict of it looking like Jou was gonna end up losing his old friend cos of gaining this new one, and it was also really heartwarming how Honda ended up becoming friends with Yugi too after a few chapters. And it was nice how it was less of a turnaround and more of like.. friendship first, loss of bullying later. He just realized that Yugi was actually a good guy, and then slowly ended up learning from Yugi’s example and knocking off the dumb antics. It was nice how he had so much development into a responsible older brother figure even though he’d started as a thug, and how even his art style changed to match! Just SUCH a shame that as soon as he became this good guy the plot sidelined him, it was like he was geting punished for being good :p i don’t think nice Honda was boring :P

And then it was REALLY good how Yugi’s initial enemyness with Jounouchi was brought up five volumes later as a punch to the reader’s gut, during an emotional moment. Man, its so messed up that Shadi was also introduced as an enemy in the manga, and a REALLY sadistic one who used illusions of Yugi’s sad past against him. I feel like all these relationships are way better and more defined when we have the reference of how they started? Its like.. a redemption story hits you hard, but just starting the story with ‘they are all friends’ is like show, don’t tell. If you just TELL us theyre friends and dont show us any proof of it then its boring! Maybe thats why the episodes were so much more over-the-top about friendship speeches? BUT THATS JUST TELLING US AGAIN, NOT SHOWING I was soooo mad as soon as I read the damn manga and saw how much enuine friendship we missed T_T And don’t even get me started on how much more screentime and friendship establishment that Anzu and Bakura got, too! WHY THE SECOND ANIME HATE THE FRIENDS SO MUCH. WHY WE NEVER GET THE FIRST ANIME. WHYYY

#i have yugioh feelings ok #jou x yugi forever

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kampasaur-blog · 6 years ago

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MY CITY IS BEING DESTROYED BY CHILDREN

So im picking up my son from monroe elementary after his bus ride home from camp. Bus arrives. I get out of the car and immediately i notice nearly all of the children, some with large bright red marks on both of their cheeks, sobbing so inconsolably that they could not breathe. Some were runnin away from the bus frantically lookin for their parents and some were already clutching their parents tightly and bawling, burying their lil tear soaked faces into their parents stomachs. they kept saying "please i dont ever wanna go back there, i dont wanna do this again, dont make me do this anymore, i was so scared, i didnt know what to do" let me tell you....these babies had the most traumatized faces ive personally ever seen on a kid and it just broke me. At this point i am very confused, concerned, and alarmed. my instincts kick in to try and help a little so i try to comfort some of em. im askin other parents what happened, but they understandably couldnt pay me attention as im sure their minds were probably as lost in all of this as mine. I keep aimlessly sayin wtf is going on and why is everybody crying like this. I start askin some of them if theyre hurt or if there was an accident but they couldnt even speak cuz they were too hysterical. Im trying to calm some of them down a bit like "hey its ok baby dont cry ur ok ur safe." still friggin looking around for adults who arent too absorbed in this mess to ask them wtf is happening. at the same time im searchin for my own kid in the crowd tellin ppl "hey, i cant find my son! is there another bus coming?!" A little girl said no this is the only one. So now im REALLY WORRIED. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD?! I run into a kid nate knows. him and a little girl are shouting, to what seems like essentially nobody in particular, about having the police called on them by the driver and that they coulda been tossed in juvi. (Honestly they should have been tossed in juvi! this particular kid brought a knife to camp and steals shit constantly from the kids at school especially my son) Grabbed his shoulder and said "calm yourself down and look at me! why?! what happened?! was there a fight? were u involved? Was nathan involved? Where is he??" The boy, (still shouting for some damn reason even tho he is right in front of me), says no nathan wasnt involved. He doesnt know where he is. (Turned out he knew where he was but lied cuz just minutes prior he threatened to beat him up and tried punching him, the little fucker, but staff grabbed his arm midswing) Then he tells me that almost the entire bus was gettin into fight after fight and there were kids punching, slapping, verbally abusing other kids, a lot of whom did nothing to warrant the abuse and continued being abused repeatedly for almost the ENTIRE 3 FUCKING HOUR RIDE, by much older kids whom they were afraid to defend themselves against. I was like "omg this is terrible. where in the hell is my son!" Some guy finally says "they are keepin some kids with staff up by the front of the bus" so i literally gotta force my way thru people who's kids were still hanging off of them in fear. now im crying, other parents are crying, some are screamin at the children who beat up their kids and the children who beat up their kids were screamin at them..... FINALLY.... I find nate. He had been slapped in the face by a 12 yr old girl but he was alright. they had made prior note of his behavioral disorder and quickly got him away from the situation while on the bus and sat him by camp staff. thank goodness. Im asking him, "are u ok?! did anyone hit u?!" before he can answer, suddenly i see an enraged mother almost attack an older girl who hit her kid in the head. The girl is shouting at the jefferson staff member who stepped in AND the mother. She yells out that she hit her in the head, at first, then 2 seconds later she says she didnt, and shouts "yea yea lady! bye bye! fuck off! shut up!!! i didnt hit her!! quit runnin ur damn mouth!! Shut your mouth!!". My. Jaw. Dropped. I saw her gramma or whoever she was doing absolutely nothing about this little shits behavior, actually trying to get the staff to stop speaking to her and leave her alone, and thats when i just plain SNAPPED. When i say snapped folks i mean i damn near deadass rowdy roddy pipered this child. It took every muscle i had to stop that train from derailing. I was pissed. Told her shes an awful disrespectful little shit and will go no where in life with that bullshit. She was like "thank u! Thanks bye! BYE!" Thats when i probably should have split. But i didnt. Conveniently forgot how to adult for a minute there. My bad! She was a repugnant little fart sniffing booger eater who felt a lil too validated from decking a much smaller kid in the head and just, just....fuck THAT... Then i word barfed. "good riddance to bad rubbish youre an awful AWFUL child and should be ashamed of yourself. Shame on you!" i looked at her gramma and shouted "good luck with your apparent lack of being able to deal with that mess of a child! Shes terrible! You have failed!" then basically i walked away tellin her shame on her for sucking. ****************************** A 16 yr old was shot n killed recently. A pastor was shot and killed recently. We got all ages of unsupervised kids vandalizing everything in site. Kids shootin off guns in parkin lots, stealin vehicles n crashin into buildings. breakin into cars 4 valuables or just breakin the windows cuz they feel like it. We got kids having knife fights n runnin round with gd knives, tellin other kids theyre gonna cut em or kill their siblings if they dont hand over cell phones money bikes hover boards u name it. Kids breakin into ppls homes. Kids stealing n vandalizing walmart 2-3 times a day. Kids stealin carts bringing em here and pushing each other around into ppls cars n then they run away. They beat on my son at school n bully him all the time stealin his things verbally abusing him. He got beat up by teenagers just playin with his toys in the backyard! Theres just hoards of em. Never supervised or disciplined. Not once have i seen the parents of any of the kids causing problems in my apt complex regardless of whether theyre 6 or 16. sumtimes theyre out there in the parkin lots screwin around til 2 am. They plain as day are simply not being parented and have no guidance. Sum of these piece of crap parents just dont wanna have the responsibility of raising their own kids period. Sum of em run away n their parents dont see em for days weeks months but never report em missing cuz they dont care. Theyre out there sleepin in abandoned sheds houses alleys parks n gotta steal their food. 12 yr olds smokin pot and having sex in ppls yards. Even when they mess up n end up at the police station n the police either cant even find their parents or they do n theyre told "i aint dealin with it find something to do with em urself" juvenile hall is FULL. There is no where to put them. And they just run away from annie whittenmeyer n nobody does anything. Im dead tired and fed up. I hate living here and im stuck. We dont feel safe anywhere. My kids cant have friends cuz u cant trust the kids nor their parents. Nate had a lil 9 yr old buddy next door and he would come to play n his mom would just leave n lock the door without saying shit to anyone not even him. He'd go home n come back like "nobody is over there" so i had no choice but to keep him with me even if i had shit to do or it was 10 pm n we wanted to go to bed. We have GOT to spread the word about this shit and try n get sum awareness. This is a crisis we are having in the qc. Im sick of the ever escalating crime here. I dont encourage ANYONE to move here. And i absolutely hate that i gotta raise my kids around this. Create a discussion about it. Get involved. if ur readin this n u kno ur kids causing mayhem but still u do nothin dont do right or make excuses then u better recognize UR JUST AS MUCH OF A PROBLEM. if u arent gonna give enuff of a shit about ur own offsprings lives 2 check n change urself then get u n ur kid the hell out of my city n away from me n mine!!

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carolingcreations · 8 years ago

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I’ve got something to say that I know I’m gonna catch a fuckton of heat for but I’m going to say it anyway.

More white people in the Agents of SHIELD fandom need to take more ownership of Grant Ward. Here’s why.

When you look at Muslim communities and you look at radicalization and ISIS religious and community leaders have plans in place to reach out to at risk youth in their communities. They actually work with anti-white radicalization in Europe combating nazi behavior.

Fact.

Nazis are very real. They’re in power and they’re in the US government and throwing around the word as a descriptor is fine but using it to describe Brett Dalton and not making that explicitly clear is gross because it affects real people.

I propose however that Stand With Ward actually actively own that the guy is a nazi and there are thousands of at risk young men, possibly young women, and families who should be given an opportunity to see something better.

Let me tell you who I trust most in this world run by Donald Trump. Minorities and people who have come out as former nazis who want to do better. You want to know why? Minorities are being oppressed day to day in and out and they need to take care of themselves but they thrive and work together. They know what oppression looks like. Now the big one. Why do I trust FORMER nazis?

Because it takes balls of steel to admit that you were an oppressive fuckwit who abused and tortured innocent people and they STAY IN THEIR LANE trying to convince people that Hitler is garbage and nazism is bullshit. They don’t go into minority spaces and try and influence people, they don’t virtue signal and say “WELL I HAVE BLACK FRIENDS/AM GAY/WHATEVER” they stay in their lane and try and work on positive white identity and if anything the sheer BULLSHIT that comes with Scarlett Johansson’s Ghost in the Shell casting which is wrong on multiple levels proves that white people need to start recognizing that there’s a white identity.

It is not all encompassing.

It must be addressed that the majority of it is related to hatred.

Look. Let’s face facts.

Nobody wants to admit they’re wrong.

So here’s a thought while we all go into this last half of Agents of SHIELD 4C.

IF YOU’RE THINKING THAT YOU WANT TO CALL WARD A NAZI -

Fucking do it. The dude is. They made decisions with that character that made him a rat bastard. Maybe preface it with the idea that Brett Dalton is not a nazi and if you think he is, if you HONESTLY believe that Brett Patrick Dalton is a Nazi here’s the southern poverty law center’s website:

https://www.splcenter.org/

Please report him to the authorities. Nazis are real. Nazis are sending out bomb threats. You can’t throw around calling an actor a fucking nazi unless you’re prepared to back it up.

IF YOU’RE THINKING THAT YOU WANT TO JUST FORGET NAZISM AND JUST CALL IT BAD AND NOT INVOLVE YOURSELF.

Okay. Sure Jan. I’m gonna come back to that.

IF YOU’RE THROWING OUT HATE BECAUSE OF HYDRA, DEFENDING HYDRA’S POSITION, OR JUST FEEL LIKE CALLING EACH OTHER NAZIS.

again. report anyone you think is a nazi to southern poverty law center in the US. Straight up. Cut this fucking shit out.

IF YOU’RE THINKING YOU WANT TO JUST FORGET NAZISM AND JUST CALL IT BAD AND NOT INVOLVE YOURSELF.

You thought about it right? ok. Ask yourself this. Are you a member of a minority group? A person of color?

If you answered yes to this but you are not a person of color. proceed to question two. If you are, have a nice day.

Are you Jewish?

If you answered no please proceed to question three. Otherwise stop here and have a nice life, this post is not for you, all my best and god bless.

Are you white and non-jewish, still a member of a minority (Disabled, Queer?) and calling yourself “liberal.” or are you simply white and on this website.

You don’t get to ignore this. Once you’ve punched nazis in the face it’s time to face facts. Your parents fucked up. Your mommy and daddy fucked up. Marvel fucked up and there are nazis. What do you do once you’ve punched them in the face? do you

A- Say “well I did my part. I did violence against a person. It’s time to pass them into a justice system where WHITE SUPREMACISTS HAVE BEEN QUIETLY INVADING LAW ENFORCEMENT FOR OVER A DECADE and where the prison industrial complex enslaves black Americans and will probably make white prisoners into overseers and further black oppression...

(no really it’s true. look it up: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/fbi-white-supremacists-in-law-enforcement/)

B - I don’t know what to do with this why are you yelling at me I need a hug box I’m triggered!

Face facts. People are dying because of nazis in America and around the world. Persons of color are being oppressed. LGBTQ individuals are being killed. You do not get to pass this by and if you want to call yourself a fucking ally then you don’t just get to look at this and say “this makes me uncomfortable” or invade minority spaces in the hope that they’ll comfort you.

That’s what Get Out is all about friends. People wanting to be minorities cause they don’t own being white.

Here’s reasons why you need to be concerned about White Radicalization

https://afrosapiophile.com/2016/12/10/white-radicalization/

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/15/alt-right-manosphere-mainstream-politics-breitbart

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/06/magazine/we-dont-talk-about-radicalization-when-an-attacker-isnt-muslim-we-should.html?_r=0

Grant Ward, Kylo Ren, Loki, Fandom has a history of problematic white men whose existence is excused purely because people either think they’re hot or they think they need to be pitied or people get angry and don’t think that they need to get involved when the concept of white radicalization and white terror comes up. Whatever side of the argument you’re on, seeing them as human beings who have fallen and lost their way or seeing them as angry monsters, white people, we need to own them and we need to own their issues and their mistakes.

Face facts. If you’re anti-ward you need to own what he represents. If you’re pro-ward you need to own what he represents. Instead of tossing around the word nazi or living in a delusional fantasy wonderland maybe instead take five minutes to not just post angry shit about Nick Spencer or be very confused about Agents of shield (ith one WOC showrunner in a room full of white men?...still doesn’t excuse the white men bringing this shit back....)

I’m making plans to donate the cover cause of every issue of captain america that I bought to the holocaust museum and not buying anymore. Me making this post is a reminder to myself to do that. I’m also donating to these organizations/volunteering when I have a chance.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/feb/02/facism-alt-right-activists-trump-milo-yiannopoulos

https://www.facebook.com/Anti-Fascist-America-138942436283079/

There are DOZENS of organizations in the UK as well that promote this. As Americans - given the sheer number of white terrorists who have shot up everything from a school to a movie theater to other places it’s time to own there’s a fucking problem. We put a hitler wannabe in the white house and we’re going to get him out but if we don’t acknowledge the dozens of Grant wards baking in Reddit chatrooms or simmering and cooking on 4chan then there’s no fucking point in getting Der trumpkin out of office cause eventually he’ll come back.

Persons of color have their struggles. They know their communities. The first person who responds to this with “I don’t see color I just wanna listen to them” is gonna get their ass fucking smacked six ways to sunday. Why the fuck are you putting the burden on their shoulders after all they’ve been through? Own your issues. Either you sit down and get with the program that white people are sick and need help (and I say this as a white german american) or you allow nazism to linger and if you allow that to linger then sorry but I’m revoking your “I wanna bitch about HYDRA weeeh” card. HYDRA’s not real. Nazis are real and they’re out there and I’m fucking exhausted by all of you BITCHING about this.

So. Take the time. Volunteer and donate. If you hate grant ward take five minutes then come back and realize that there are probably five real Grant wards out there right now that you can actually HELP by donating to these organizations, getting out and marching, squashing their platform, and funding those people with balls of goddamn steel who own that they were a part of a hate group and are working to get others out. Wasting your time harassing others for a fictional character and a fictional thing when there are real ways you could help people is fucking stupid. If you’re pissed about Nick Spencer volunteer and donate. If you cut off the head two more will take it’s place but if you stab this shit in the heart then it’s gonna go away forever.

If you’re a Grant Ward fan don’t force your gross and creepy beliefs on other people, stop trying to beat a dead horse and let’s band together to do something GOOD to make this world a better place if we were that affected by this character. I get what it’s like to want to pity the guy. I’ve been there. I was abused. I was a rape victim. I was jailed and I fucking saw shit but coming out and seeing ward LOSE taught me two things. 1) there needs to be better representation for people who suffer from abuse and jail and it needs to encompass everyone not just cishet white dudes 2) I need to own that there but for the grace of god go I. Go we. Go ALL of us. Go every self-righteous white person who doesn’t feel connected and doesn’t have a solid family footing.

So take five minutes. Read about this. Acknowledge Ward’s a white terrorist but instead of just going about your day actually DO something about this because other communities.

I’m reminded of something Samantha Bee said the day after the election. “If Muslims have to take responsibility for all muslims then white people have to take responsibility for all the bad white people.”

So Coulson Fans, So FitzSimmons Fans, So Daisy Fans, So all y’all fans who are white - like it or not. Grant ward may not be your “Trash Son” but he’s your angry cousin who’s come home and it’s time for you to sit down at the dinner table with him and recognize what he represents. A real systemic problem in this world that we can defeat if we work together.

So let me ask you. are you going to do what minorities have been asking us white folk to do for YEARS and have these uncomfortable conversations about what this character represents, what people like this represent and how we can stop it?

Or are you going to bitch and ignore the issue.

Before you do consider one thing. Shout out to my fellow Americans. A lot of the people who are Ward fans are Germans from germany.

Take a look at what the US did to Germany after Hitler was in power. pause. reflect on that “digging up the mass graves of concentration camp survivors.” fact.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denazification

Recognize that they don’t want to see this repeated. They’re maybe just going about this the wrong way. That they’re thinking about shit we as Americans haven’t been taught to think of yet like that white people aren’t the center of the universe. Think of all those Reddit folks who will drag the rest of us to hell simply for pepe and the lolz. You want to dig up mass graves of whoever Cheeto Jesus and his weird pal hate?

So I’m gonna ask again. Are you really a committed ally and ready to work to build something better and ask yourself these tough questions...

Or are you a liberal from Get Out.

Cause I have zero time for that shit.

And now it’s time for a brief Q&A:

Q: Where did this post come from?

A: Chloe Bennet’s right. Like it or not Grant Ward followed a nazi organization’s ideals. People should try and be better. What’s not right is the sheer number of people taking this as an opportunity to harass and belittle fans who liked the character. Both sides of this debate are fucking ridiculous and neither are acknowledging the real problem. Chloe’s got her own battles to fight and her own things she’s passionate about but people acting on behalf of one person’s idea of what a person should do without thinking for themselves is an awful lot like Hitler if you ask me.

Q: Did you just call me Hitler?!

A: Are you co-opting the spaces of minorities for your own personal gain? Are you leaning on your black friends or your minority friends when they need a space of their own? Do you bitch about 45 and not do anything about him or his followers? Are you following Bennet’s ideas because you “love her and want to be just like her physically or do you want to follow her ideals?” Do you just pick out Skyeward people because it makes you feel good to see other 15 year old sad sacks of shit on the internet cry like bitches? do you dislike Ward because it reminds you of an old boyfriend and everytime you post something hateful about an actor it’s like you’re kicking that ex BF in the crouch?

Give it a think. I’m not in a mood to pussyfoot around.

Q: Do you donate and volunteer?

A: This is as much of a call to action for myself and others. I start here:

https://www.safetypinbox.com/

I sit and listen in minority communities and elevate those voices then go back to my community and own. my shit.

Q: You’re a horrible person and all of this is wrong.

A: Cool. At Me. Tell me I’m shit. I’m good with it. Doesn’t change the fact that this is a real issue.

Q: But I love Skyeward.

A: Accept that it’s wrong. Make a joke out if it. Laugh uproariously. Also Skyeward is dead. This is another fake ratings grab on a TV show taking advantage of a pairing that really pisses people off on BOTH sides of the aisle. Skyeward is the donald trump of the marvel universe. some people LOVE it. some people HATE it. Either way it’s divisive and tearing what should be a fun place apart.

Q: but I’m woke -

A: no white person is woke. We’re just fighting not to sleep deeper.

Q: I genuinely hate all the shit you’re doing kill yourself.

A: I used to be a lot like you. I sent hate. not in this fandom but in other places. get yourself right with god and examine why you’re so angry about this. Write angry letters, touch grass, go outside. If you’re that oppressed that you need to deal with others then cool. girl bye.

Q: I’m a Person of Color/Jewish and I’m offended by this.

A: I deeply apologize for offending you. I felt this was an issue that needed to be discussed beyond just spewing gobs of hatred about a stupid issue. To be perfectly honest Ms. Bennet’s post, while correct, needed to be said and it hurt. I’m working on de-centering my whiteness and my sense of self, can’t do that without acknowledging a community. I don’t like that I liked a nazi. In fact it bothers me that my favorite character turned out to be the kind of person that led the US Army to not let my grandpa carry a gun and actually fight evil. nazism is evil. It oppresses me (I’m gay and disabled) and it has oppressed your communities since your conception.

I’m also American and our president is a shit stick turd and it’s time to fight back. I do that by owning this. HYDRA is fiction. It’s not real. but the ideals it represents are real and I’d rather punch back against that because the more you try and push people like Nick Spencer or this framework idea the .....more it’s gonna stay put.

I’m done with cutting off heads. I want to stab this shit in the heart where it hurts.

Q: I’m a person of color/jewish and I don’t know what to make of this.

A: Please, feel free to share your opinions. This is the last I’m going to post on this but fucking hell I’m tired and I’m sorry that you have to go through Spencer’s shit and Marvel’s shit. Again, one WOC showrunner in a room full of white guys. I still wanna hold those white guys accountable for this crap.

This is the last I’m gonna post to this post. I don’t know if I’ll read anything (or if any of you will give a shit) but hopefully this might make an impact on at least one person and if it does? I’ll count myself lucky. There’s a lot in play here that doesn’t have to do with this very real issue. Egotistical fan groups, Angry social justice warriors who don’t fucking do jack shit. I’m tired and I’m done with all y’all and this is step one of me breaking up with this pain that I have lived with for 3 goddamn years.

This is shit. I’m owning it. I’m gonna work to clean it up. Will you join me?

#grant ward #anti-grant ward #donald trump #agents of shield #marvel #hydra #fuck hydra #hail hydra #white radicalization #phil coulson #fitzsimmons #daisy johnson #cw: nazis #nazis

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