#we don’t smile because you don’t understand basic social norms

[lucysweatslove]

OH BOY DO I HAVE ANOTHER RANT. (Achievement unlocked: send Lucy down a term-paper sized rabbit hole)

Autism spectrum disorders have clearly defined diagnostic criteria per the DSM-5. Over the years, it’s gotten better and better, more inclusive. It’s not perfect, but it’s a good guideline- it focuses on overall divergences from the social norm rather than solely on specific stereotyped behaviors. Eg, one criterion is “deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction.” The DSM then gives examples of what this MAY look like: “ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.” In other words: issues with eye contact CAN fulfill this criterion, but it’s not actually a requirement. Issues with “showing your emotions” (facial expressions) CAN fulfill the criterion, but again, it’s not 100% needed.

Point being: DSM-V criteria are much more inclusive because they describe what some “stereotyped behavior” actually is (eg, difficulty with nonverbal communication) rather than the way it “must” present (eg, poor or “inappropriate” eye contact, inability or difficulty in recognize emotions from facial expressions).

But wait, there are more problems!! Simply meeting DSM-V criteria often is not enough for a clinician to diagnose you. I have my own theories on this (one being stigma- if autism is something “shameful” or this terrible thing with terrible meaning, others would want to do everything they can to rule it out). The most commonly used diagnostic tool is the ADOS. The ADOS has several “modules” based on verbal capacities and development stage. Module 4 is used for older adolescents and adults who are “verbally fluent.”

So, we actually do have a diagnostic test designed for adults. So what is the problem?

The ADOS involves a good amount of subjectivity.

There is subjectivity in applying even DSM-V criteria as what constitutes “deficits” can be impacted by bias. Eg, if I as a female smile and nod and look at somebody’s mouth when they talk, I may be seen as having no “deficits” in nonverbal communication, even if I’m only acting this way because I’ve been taught specifically that is how to interact with doctors.

With the ADOS, your behavior is being scrutinized by whatever bias your assessor has. Through DSM-V criteria, reporting your issues is usually enough. You can explain that you mask, that you’ve developed strategies to help, but they don’t come naturally to you, you have to think about it, etc. When the ADOS is administered, it’s basically saying, “I don’t really trust this person’s own self assessment; I need to see it for myself.” If you mask well and don’t intentionally unmask during assessment, the assessor might not see “social deficits” even if you report them. If you are generally a warm person, and your assessor thinks autistic people aren’t empathetic, then one “appropriate” emotional response may cloud the five “inappropriate” ones.

Additionally, if you look through that link, you’ll see that there are some discussions about experiences, and they are often looking for insight. If you have been going to therapy for half your life for something like comorbid depression (hi, it’s me) or a misdiagnosis, you may have learned how to label most of your emotions and some general rules. Eg, if I stand with my arms across my body, people may see me as closed off and self-conscious even though I’m really just more physically comfortable that way. I didn’t know this intuitively. But I can reflect back on some social things BECAUSE I’ve gone through a lot of therapy. My ability to say “I lost my childhood best friend because I judged her decision to smoke instead of supporting her through her own issues at the time” could be considered good social insight- ignoring the fact that I didn’t pick up on her own distress or her nonverbal cues that a) she was struggling herself, and b) she was hurt when I wasn’t supportive. A strong assessor may ask the necessary follow-up questions and take into account the fact that I’ve been in therapy in some capacity for over 15 years; somebody who thinks “this person smiled when she walked in and asked for help on a task; she’s clearly not autistic so why bother extending this assessment further?”

Point being: even when we try to structure an interview the same way every time and assign numerical “grades” to what we are trying to assess, there is a level of subjectivity. Assessor bias and past learning experiences cloud judgement.

In fact, we know that the ADOS misses a significant portion of autism diagnoses, especially in women.

Unsurprisingly, autism research for marginalized groups is scant. Researchers often lump everybody together to generate sensitivity and specificity numbers, ignoring that there may be gender or age differences in a screening or diagnostic tool. We call this “aggregated data.” The opposite of this is “disaggregated data,” where we report values for separate groups, eg women vs men, cisgender vs transgender, homosexual vs bisexual vs heterosexual vs ace, Black vs white vs non-white Hispanic vs AAPI etc etc. In general, not just related to autism, we have a lot less disaggregated data, and the aggregated data we do have skews heavily “cis white male” anyway.

But we know that the ADOS misses ~2.5X more female cases of true autism than male cases. In fact, researchers in THAT review concluded that community diagnoses (eg, a therapist applying DSM-V criteria) outperforms “confirmatory assessments” like the ADOS. The authors of that paper ALSO note that this perpetuates the exclusion of female presentations in research.

To put it another way: we apply a male-centric approach to determine who is or isn’t autistic or “on the spectrum.” Then, when we want to do research on “female” (or alternate) presentation, we only select the females that have more “male” (stereotypical) presentation. We may conclude that females don’t really present all that differently! But it’s because we effectively tell the people who DO present differently that they aren’t autistic.

An analogy: let’s say you were researching pugs specifically. The “inclusions criteria” to be a pug for your research included: must have a smashed face, a curly tail, a short and stout body. This means every pug with their tail currently uncurled (can happen just when tired!) would be excluded from your research. Because every pug in your research would have a curly tail, you conclude all pugs have curly tails. You use this as “proof” that a dog that looks like a pug but has an uncurled tail isn’t truly a pug. Pugs do not present with uncurled/straight tails.

Point being: we use a diagnostic tool that screens out a good number of autistic women, effectively decreasing our ability to make better research-based, gender-inclusive diagnostic tools.

The issue with this goes even deeper: the additional “point of care” screening tools for pediatricians and other doctors are based on these male presentations and compared to the tools like the ADOS to determine how well they “work.”

One of the most commonly used screening tools for autism is the Social Communication Questionnaire. This is a observer-report screen, meaning that answers do not come from the child (or teen or even adult!) being screened but by somebody like a legal guardian or caretaker. When this screening tool has been researched, it’s been compared specifically to results on the ADOS or another diagnostic tool, the ADI. It’s designed to match these tools, and researchers report how well the SCQ “works” based on how well it aligns with the ADOS or ADI.

I’ve seen studies that conclude it is equally as sensitive for males and females. But remember: the ADOS misses a lot of females. What it’s really saying is this: “the SCQ is pretty good at picking up stereotyped, typically ‘male’ autism presentations.”

Additionally: if you look through, it’s clearly designed for children. It also involves a lot of “observer bias” and highly stereotyped, specific behaviors. For example, the observer has to know what “age appropriate” interests are and what a usual intensity is. Observers need to be able to identify what “talking to be friendly, not to get something” looks like. They need to ID what a real friendship looks like, what it looks like for a kid to intuit in a game of pretend. Considering how many low-support need autistic kids are born to parents who are actually undiagnosed low-support need autistic, a lot of these more subtle or easily masked traits can be missed.

Point being: because we compare screening tools to the biased ADOS, these tools screen out some actually autistic people, especially females or lower support needs individuals.

I also want to point out that it’s not just a gender issues. The stereotypes- especially given the stereotype that it is a “children’s” issue- also mean these tools under-diagnose the elderly (both female and elderly individuals are discussed in this 2019 lit review). Some people ask why we diagnose the elderly anyway- usually it’s accompanied by a “they functioned for most of their life without a diagnosis.” And while it’s true that in order to be an undiagnosed elderly autistic person, you had to survive to an elder age, that doesn’t mean your functioning was ideal or you did it without support. Elderly autistic people may have spent most of their life feeling “weird” and socially isolated, wondering what was “wrong” with them because they didn’t interact with their peers the same way, had difficulties in adulthood maintaining jobs or romantic relationships or with parenthood in general. And never knew a reason for it. Some may have developed their own supports- learning communication tools to be more effective with their partner, or being “that person” that wears sunglasses and earplugs to the office because “it helps them focus.” Not only can diagnosis be incredibly relieving for them to have an explanation for WHY they do what they do, but especially as they transition to assisted living or other forms of elder care, it can inform what they need in aging. They may do better with assistive communication devices, available to them through insurance because of their disability. Or they may need sensory tools. Or their caregiver may need to be more mindful of the temperature of bathing water or the “right” socks. It may seem little- and all these things can be done even without diagnosis- but when people understand that it’s more than a mere preference, there is more acceptance and support is seen more as a true need than simply “being demanding” or “picky.”

If you ever wondered why adults with autism often get “missed” and then have such piss poor access to resources after seeking diagnosis, let me present to you search results from UpToDate (a top site for medical professionals to look up clinical information and evidence based treatment guidelines):

Note how not one of these is specific to adults. Despite the adult search keyword, results are skewed to child and adolescent information, genetic diseases/syndromes, and other psychiatric conditions (may be comorbid, may be differential diagnoses).

When you look at society guidelines related to autism:

Almost all resources in the US are from the PEDIATRIC association or are primarily related to children. Even that CDC link is really geared towards screening, diagnosing, and treating children. Not older teens, but mainly toddlers and young children. Canada’s resources are all from their pediatric association.

[danascullysjournal]

The “you should smile more” directed at women thing…. So you know what happens when we do that? Really?

We get hit on. Blatantly. It’s assumed by MANY that my smile is an invitation of some sort- or throw horrific pickup lines in the hopes of getting *something* in return.

Example: me, at gas station this morning. Standing in line to pay.

Guy: gets out of line to grab stuff, mumbles to line that we all can. Take his spot.

Guy: gets behind me. (I’m last in line)

Me: “you can get in front, I’m not in a rush.” *gives polite smile and makes eye contact like my mother taught me*

Guy: “well, you’re not in a rush maybe I can take you out to dinner.”

Me: 😐Um, no. I’m very taken. And old for you anyway.

Guy: *continues to say crap about how only shoes get old and maybe he’ll see me around*

Me: Have a good day. (Wtf else am I suppose to do here? If I make a scene then I’m in the wrong bc based on this society “he was giving me a compliment”) 🙄

I HAVE A WEDDING RING. I WAS TRYING TO LET YOU GO FIRST BC OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE A JOB AND WERE EN ROUTE.

THIS. IS. WHY. WE. DONT. SMILE. When we do actually attempt common courtesy it becomes an invite for this garbage at LEAST 50% of the time, more for some I’m sure. So no. We don’t need to smile for y’all.

[min-jpg]

xiao , childe and kaeya with a bimbo girlfriend?

(whoever requested first bimbo!reader , props to you i love this idea)

Note: OMG YALL ARE REALLY EATING UP THE BIMBO HEADCANONS,,, you're the 3rd person requesting this, anon! Not that I mind though, it's such an interesting idea. Enjoy~

---

Genshin Boys x Fem Bimbo!reader pt.2

Part 1 - Part 3

Characters: Childe, Kaeya, Xiao

Genre: fluff, established relationship, suggestive themes (sfw overall)

---

CHILDE

how does it feel to have a sugar daddy rich boyfriend? You, of all people, have the exquisite privilege to experience this opulence because Childe loves spoiling you rotten with gifts. Your clumsy, uncoordinated actions and words reminded him of his beloved siblings, absolutely adorable in his eyes

Childe would be very protective of you and he makes this crystal clear. Your predisposition to tripping and falling grants him an excuse to hold onto your hand or arm most of the time. Basically, you are always basking in attention when dating Childe and you like that

as a Harbinger, he can get busy and be absent. Childe will write you letters, but you would prefer him to visit you personally. It might be hard for you to accept this, thus throwing a tantrum

he has experience in settling this due to his siblings, so your anger dissipates instantly once he showers you with kisses and affection, "I'm sorry, my love. Promise I'll do better."

being in a relationship with you made it easier for him to execute his brutal line of work which obliges him to handle matters judged morally wrong in the eye of the law. Perhaps it is thanks to your ignorance that you do not question him much and he appreciates that. But, he feels guilty since he already has to conceal it from his siblings and now, you as well

dressing skimpy clothing around Childe is like playing with fire. When wearing a cute low-cut top, as mentioned, you link arms with him often. Sometimes when you need to tell him something, you would lean closer, causing your bust to press against his arm, "Childe, can we go over there?" Your boyfriend respectfully gazed down at your exposed cleavage with a smile plastered on his lips, "Anything for you."

KAEYA

before you dated Kaeya, he would playfully flirt with you with no means of commitment behind his words. It just happened because you stick out like a sore thumb with your attitude and various outfits that really emphasized your figure to bring out your best features

you surprised him however with your brash reaction to his coquetry. Twirling the ends of your hair and winking at him, "You like me, don't you? Don't be shy! Just say it and we can start dating."

your boyfriend jumps at every opportunity to tease you out of pure love. Everything you do just creates an opening for him to comment on it

both of you may exchange banters a lot that can get a little heated sometimes, but it does not have any negative feelings associated with it. He likes that you can be feisty and bold. Though you may not be the brightest at countering his snarky remarks, causing you to pout at him

using your pout against Kaeya is super effective because he thinks it is really fricking cute. He kisses your cheeks a lot because of that, "Don't be too upset with me. You know I tease you because I love you."

he definitely fell in love with your charms the more he commits to the relationship. Kaeya will have a moment where he went through a great ordeal of realization that he actually likes you

similar to Childe, clothes that reveal too much will agitate the man to ingrain some weird ideas in his head. He enjoys it though because he gets to see how striking you look as you sashay down the street next to him. Such a pretty doll that all belongs to him to show off

XIAO

in terms of adapting to social settings, both of you are like two peas in a pod. The adeptus has a poor judgment of what mortals consider a norm since he avoids them in the first place. It does not help that you are also inept in discerning what is right or wrong

while you handle things more impulsively based on what your heart fancies, Xiao is leaning towards being inexperienced when it comes to understanding our social standards. If he thought humans were strange before meeting you, then you are the epitome of strangeness itself

"(Y/N), are we dating? Like... are you my girlfriend, as what you humans call them?" Honest to archon, the majority of the subjects Xiao discovered about humans do not come from you, but something he merely picked up from the chatters of patrons in Wangshu Inn

"Yeah, I think so? I said I like you and you think you like me. So that makes me your girlfriend?" With your answer deterring away from being convincing, Xiao wore a perplexed expression, unsure how to respond. In the end, you just remained to stare at each other in silence, confusion instilled in both your heads

on a positive note, your relationship sails smoothly because of one special aspect. Xiao's love language is words of affirmation. With your boisterous manner which lacks a filter for the words you put out, you can be very frank with your speech

this means you say a lot of remarkable things about Xiao. Your awareness is deficient in recognizing it would cause him to be so flustered, "Xiao, you're so handsome! A perfect partner for a pretty one like me, don't you agree?"

about your outfit, Xiao will always juggle with these two reactions; are you not cold in that revealing and thin clothes? Wait, you look hot- as if he would outright admit that to you, obviously not

[charlie-rulerofhell]

For they know exactly what they do

Today there was a pretty long article published in the German newspaper FAZ, written by Julia Schaaf. Since there were quite a few interesting topics raised in it and Måneskin talked about some new aspects (or in more detail), I translated the whole thing (it might also have helped me to procrastinate).

Full interview in English under the cut.

For they know exactly what they do

June 22, 2021

Four young rock musicians from Rome are today's hottest band. Måneskin are enchanting Europe. Why? We met them for an interview.

Every romance needs its founding myth, an anecdote from the beginning, something you can tell later in more difficult times for self-assurance.

In the case of the band Måneskin, who first had Italy and now half of Europe wrapped around their fingers, and who are now trying to conquer the rest of the world with their rock music, there is the story of the shoe box. Rome, around five years ago: Four teenagers who are meeting every day after school in their rehearsal room to make music together, and sometimes they play their songs on the Via del Corso in the city centre in front of a changing audience. One day they want to record their own stuff. They find a studio that they can actually afford and as they go there they bring a shoe box, with the name of the band written on it, 'moonshine' in Danish, the bassist's mother is Danish. In the box: around seven kilogram of coins. The things you get from playing music on the streets. Everyone searching through Instagram for photos from that time can find four hippies with children's faces, three boys in batik, the girl is wearing a straw hat.

As they have to pay [for the recording], frontman Damiano David, 22, says that there was this guy, Angelo, and his bandmate Victoria De Angelis, 21, is interrupting: “No, Andrea, not Angelo”, and all of them have to laugh because a rigid studio manager with the Italian name 'angel' would be even funnier for a founding myth. David continues his story: “The guy was completely dumbfounded. 'We can't do that.' We went: 'Sure we can, that's worth the same even if it's just 20 cent coins, it's still 300 euros.” Thomas Raggi, 20, the guitarist of the band, is gasping for air as he laughs, while drummer Ethan Torchio, 20, is smiling dreamily. David finishes: “And then we snuck off before he was able to count it.” [the German text says 'verdrücken' here which is just a colloquial way of saying 'we left', but it entails some sort of a dramatic exit, so yeah, let your thoughts get creative how they left exactly :D].

Four young musicians on the verge of global fame are sitting on a white interview sofa in Berlin, completely styled, babbling across each other like overeager teenagers.

Ever since the Roman band first won the music festival Sanremo and then also the Eurovision Song Contest, carried by the enthusiasm of European viewers, you could say Måneskin has become a phenomenon. “Rock 'n' Roll never dies!”, Damiano David yelled fueled by the adrenaline of winning, and the insinuation that circulated on social media of the singer snorting during the counting of votes in front of a live camera – including their strict denial followed by a negative drug test result – might have given an additional boost to their public interest, their exploding album, ticket and merch sales, and their outstanding success on Spotify.

“We think it's a shit prejudice against rock music that there always have to be drugs involved. We fully threw ourselves into our participation with the utmost professionalism. We give everything for the music. So of course we don't want people to think that we can only do that because we take drugs.” – Victoria De Angelis

Prior to Eurovision, Måneskin was more of an insider's tip outside of Italy. Handmade rock music, not creating something entirely new but paying homage to the good old times with classic guitar riffs and cracking drum beats, being a lot of fun but also quite fragile and vulnerable at times and, first and foremost, conveying a captivating energy. Finally, on the stage of Rotterdam, live after so many months of isolation and renunciation, this wave of energy spilled straight over into European living rooms. It seemed easy to (mistakenly) interpret the winning song “Zitti e buoni” (Shut up and behave) as a declaration of frustration of our youth in times of a pandemic. In fact, singer Damiano David is singing about the favourite topic of the band: the unrelenting need to, against all odds, be yourself, despite or perhaps because you are different. The message fits their provocative sex appeal, which the band uses to demonstrate their independence of gender norms at any given time. But the core essence of rock music has always been the promise of unlimited freedom.

Thus at the first moment, the meeting with Måneskin is kind of startling. It's Wednesday, we are in the top floor of the new Sony head quarters in Berlin. The four Italians have just started their two-week long promotion tour through Europe. In the afternoon there will be a live concert in a queer club [the SchwuZ, but that's not mentioned here] in Neukölln, which will be streamed via TikTok. Around one million viewers will watch the show, some of them even from Brazil, so people at Sony are pretty excited [for Måneskin to come here]. But at first, these stunningly gorgeous creatures [yes, that's the exact wording :D] are standing surrounded by an entourage of people – their management, PR team, a stylist, a photographer, people who can hold a smartphone or a cigarette if needed [this paragraph is worded a little weirdly, especially taking into account that basically their whole team / 'entourage' is just friends of them, but it seems like the journalist didn't know that or maybe they just wanted to describe their first impression]. They seem like fictional / artificial characters out of a Hollywood movie. Transparent frill blouses with blazers and flared leather trousers, even the platform boots, everything brand-new, the makeup makes their faces look like a glossy magazine cover even in person. The smokey eyes of De Angelis and Raggi make them look smug and bored. Later, on the pictures it will probably look cool.

So of course your first impression might be: This band is under contract to industry giant Sony ever since their success on an Italian casting show [X Factor] in Winter 2017. The music industry must have its hand in the game when a band is photographed half-naked by Oliviero Toscani and styled by Etro. Also, one does not simply rent a villa with a pool in Rome to produce new music there, isolated from the rest of the world. And who else went to London for two whole months, shortly before the winter lockdown, just for inspiration? After the TikTok concert in Berlin – De Angelis and David are now wearing fishnet shirts that sparkle with every move, their bare nipples covered with an X of black tape – the band is posing with a few influencers. In the world of social media you would call that 'producing content'. But what does that mean for a band who are preaching their hosanna of authenticity? How authentic is Måneskin? And is their pointedly casual approach to sexuality and gender cliches in today's pop-cultural spirit more than a marketing strategy?

We're in the interview, the recording device is running for not even five minutes, when Victoria De Angelis says: “Actually, we just try to be ourselves and do what we really want to do.” And really: The more you listen to those four how they speak about the early days of the band in their slurred Roman dialect, about the shoe box and their own experiences with being different, but most importantly about their shared obsession [with music], the more you realise that [De Angelis] is  very serious. Ethan Torchio, who got his first drum kit at the age of six or seven from his father because he was beating everything he could reach, says: “For me, music is like food. I cannot live without it.” The bassist next to him laughs at his pathos. Singer Damiano David applauds the otherwise more reserved friend for his truthfulness [it says 'klarer Punkt', meaning 'for the point he makes', but it makes it seem like Damiano is agreeing with Ethan here, although it doesn't indicate whether he agrees that yes, music is everything for Ethan or that he understands and feels the same].

De Angelis and guitarist Raggi already knew each other from middle school and they were the ones who tried to form a band at the age of only 13, a band that actually took music seriously.

De Angelis: “It's just difficult at that age to find other people who really put everything into music and who truly commit themselves and are willing to invest a lot of their time.”

Raggi: “We set strict rules and scheduled fixed times for the rehearsals, for every day.”

David: “Fever, stomach ache, there was no excuse. Even if you were feeling sick in the rehearsal room. At least you were in the rehearsal room.”

The way the four of them talk across each other, completing each other's sentences, taking turns in talking and sometimes joking about each other, seems intimate and playful. Singer David remembers how at first bassist [De Angelis] was merciless towards him when it came to her first metal band project, as she told him that he wasn't committed enough [to the music]: “Back then I was still playing Basketball. I was one of the people that Vic absolutely didn't want [in her band].” Drummer Torchio was later discovered through Facebook, even though there had already been a drummer, a close friend, but he was not good enough. It seems as if even back then music was everything for them. Even if it meant that only Raggi managed to graduate.

And why rock, why rock music of all things? Because it's great, the four of them say in unison. David adds: “Actually, it's a genre that allows you to do everything you want to do.”

When they played on the street, they were laughed at by their classmates. But not only there. De Angelis explains that she never wanted to be a typical girl: “I was always deterred by those stupid boxes that people put you in, and that are just restricting and constraining you, because something is only regarded as male or female. I always rejected that. Instead, I just wanted to do the things I enjoyed doing, I went skating and played football.” Torchio says: “Friends who are not friends anymore were already telling me at the age of ten that those“ – he grabs his long, silky black hair – “were wrong. Because I'm a boy and boys are meant to have short hair, long hair is only for girls. I was bullied a lot for that.”

“Compared to the past, people in our age became much more open-minded. It gets better.” – Thomas Raggi

Frontman David on the other hand, for whom eye shadow, jingling earrings and nail polish as well as his bare torso with the tattoos have become trademarks by now, says: “I was actually more of the average boy.” De Angelis convinced him to try out some eyeliner, which he describes as a spiritual awakening: “I liked myself much more [with makeup]. I saw myself more as myself. As if it had been a suppressed desire of mine.” On a trip to Copenhagen with the others, when he realised that it really didn't matter what people were thinking about him, he got his first fake fur [coat? the article doesn't specify that] in a second-hand shop and let his clothing style be guided by his own love to experiment: “I realised that my whole life I was just going at half speed.” When it comes to diversity all four of them are becoming almost missionary.

At the same time, their success is not only opening doors for them. Back home in Rome they are barely able to go out on the street due to all the paparazzi. “[You need a] hoodie and huge sunglasses”, David says, “the mask is quite helpful, too.” And still, none of them is complaining, and Torchio explains why: “Even if those experiences right now may have sides that are not so pleasant, we still know that for us a dream is coming true. We experience something that we always had in our minds, so we are willing to face every consequence that this entails.”

So is the band facing difficult times, is Måneskin going to change with all the success? Again, all of them answer at the same time.

David: “I'm not worried about that.”

Raggi: “No way!”

De Angelis: “On the contrary. Everything that happened to us happened because we are who we are, so we want to continue the exact same way and stay ourselves.”

Just a few hours later, they are at the stage in Neukölln, bouncing around like pinballs, hammering at their instruments, flirting with each other. “We are out of our minds, but different from the others”, David sings their winning hymn against conformism, and: “The people talk, unfortunately they talk.” Here on stage, the four paradise birds [a German word describing someone with a flamboyant personality] with their half-nude-glittering outfits are radiating an incredible energy with the utmost sincerity, and you begin to wish there was a live audience instead of the TikTok cameras, absorbing and spreading this energy. Måneskin. A cry for a life after the pandemic, a cry for freedom and a better world.

“We do what we wished for all our lives.” – Ethan Torchio

[shackermanwrites]

PAPER RINGS

Summary:  In year 1908, you and your friends attempts to have the remaining best days of your lives before entering college. Yet you only have a few months to persuade your parents to send you to boarding school instead of finishing college and marry a man. Will you succeed when Kuchel's son Levi Ackerman suddenly entered your life? Will you let a lower class like him love an upper class like you or will you continue to pursue your dream to enter college and be with your friends?

Pairing:Levi Ackerman x Fem!Reader

Warnings & Content: Slow Burn, Alternate Universe,  based on Anne with an E, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, first love, arrange marriage, coming of age.

Chapter 1 -> Chapter 2

Year 1908

“I’ll see you tomorrow, we shall make our remaining last days and summer here in Avonlea memorable!”

“No need to cry Sasha, we’re attending the same boarding school remember? Along with Annie, Historia, and Ymir.”

You opened your arms to give a big warm and reassuring hug to your blossomed friend Sasha as the both of you stand along the huge trees. You and Sasha are kindred spirits as she likes to word it ever since you were just a little girls. Both of your mothers are best of friends since school that’s why you have known each other since.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow y/n” The brown-haired girl smiled widely to you before the both of you started parting ways.

The grin on your face instantly faded as you began to walk home. You’re not even sure about college since your parents which is mostly your father who is pushing you to attend finishing school after this year and start practicing how to be a proper lady that is fir to marry since they’re insisting you to find a gentleman to marry and settle.

Which of course you do not wish nor approve to do so. Finishing school means you are going to be isolated from your friends and not to mention that it will not actually give you a well-rounded education. You wanted to be a teacher since it is your passion since you were a little kid to teach and educate a lot of people but with the disapproval of you parents, you find it hard to believe that it will be possible.

Sure, you wanted to be to be wife someday but not with someone you just met and most specifically not because you have to. Not a lot of forced marriage ends up beautifully. You are a hopeless romantical waiting for your someone to capture your heart at the right time and moment.

Since you have no other choice but to obey them for now and persuade them some other time and hopefully they will change their mind.

You reached your house within a matter of time thanks to your preoccupied mind along the way. You saw your helper in farm which is Mr. Ackerman mending the saddle of the horses.

“Good day Mr. Ackerman!” you greeted while waving your hand in the air.

“For the last time kid, just Kenny!” Kenny did mind a little being called Mr. since they were just helpers, in short, they are poor and you coming from a wealthy family calling him with honorifics isn’t a norm.

“Good day Kenny!” You repeat with a giggled before proceeding to head your way.

Faint sound of voices coming from inside the house was already audible in front of your house. You thought your mother was only having a tea with her friends. You quickly opened the door hoping to great Mr. and Mrs. Yaeger but you were instead greeted by Miss Ackerman sitting in the couch with your parents along with a raven-haired boy sitting beside Miss Ackerman.

“There you are dear, come take a seat. We’ll discuss some things.” You mother stated as she pours tea in each cup.

You took off your hat and hang it in the hat stand along with your coat. Obediently, you sat beside your mother facing the black-haired boy. You can now clearly see his face, he is pale and has a straight emotionless face that gives the impression that he is not interested.

“You see dear, Kuchel here needs to say her goodbye to us for now, she’s sick and can’t be use of helping in house chores and in farm so instead she’s lending her son here to help his uncle in farm.”

You worriedly look at Kuchel who was giving a faint smile to you. Kuchel was not just a helper in your house, she was like a second mother to you. She’s kind and beautiful and she always taught you things that made you see the world in another perspective.

“Are you okay Miss Kuchel?” You asked which made the boy in front of you furrowed his brows. Never in a million years he would see a wealthy person like you use honorifics to their kind let alone be concerned to them. He thinks that most people who were born with a golden spoon is spoiled and annoying, always blabbering about money and things they bought. Yet he also felt a little envious since they don’t have enough money to support their family but nonetheless he is still grateful for the things he has especially his mother.

“Yes dear that’s very kind of you but no need to worry I am okay.” Kuchel replied with a reassuring smile on her face.

You avert your gaze to his son which he was already looking at you with his cold stare. Just like his mother, he has a steel blue eyes and jet black hair. He looks just exactly like his mother.

“My son is strong, kind, compliant, and very hard working, you will have no problem with him. I am very sorry for this inconvenient Mr. and Mrs. L/N” The dark haired woman smiled weakly which you then returned with a reassuring smile when her gaze averts to yours.

“It can’t be helped then but I expect nothing will change from your service.” You father simply replied. You and your father were never really that close especially he was always busy at work managing the town being the reason why you sometimes do not approve on how he speaks.

You were about to speak when your mother cuts you off. “Well then I guess it is settled. We will take good care of your son Kuchel and besides Kenny is here. Take good care of yourself on the way Kuchel.”

You can tell that you got your trait of being compassionate from your mother, you never really had a conversation with your father without the both of you arguing so grew up being distance with him to avoid conflict.

Kuchel then proceeded to bid her goodbye before your mother shows her way out, but you're pretty sure your mother gave her some money to buy enough food and even medicine. You were left in the living area along with your father and Kuchel’s son.

“Tell your mother I will be back before supper, Mr. Yeager and I needs to discuss some things. Kindly tell your mother to show Kuchel’s son around the house and the farm.” And there was your father’s strict and bossy attitude, whenever he talks to you, he almost sound unaffectionate and uninterested.

“Yes father, send my regards to Mr. and Mrs. Yeager.” You softly replied before your fathers walks out of your sight.

You look at the boy in front of you who was already looking at you.

“Hello, my name is Y/N, what’s yours?” You reach out your hand to him to have a formal handshake yet he just looks at it with confusion painted on his face.

“Levi.” He simply replied. You then pull out your hand from the embarrassment of him not returning the handshake. The first thing you noticed about him is his French accent just like his mother’s, you found it interesting as you always wanted to learn new language.

“Nice meeting you Levi.” You flash a nice welcome smile to him yet he remains the same and only responded with a nod.

You grip on your slate and books as you stand up and fix your dress. “Well, it was nice meeting you once again Levi, please excuse me.”

You graciously stood up and bowed your head at him, it was like you were programmed to do social etiquette all your life to the point where you are convinced that being graceful is the only thing you excel at.

You were greeted by the same beige colored wall in your room along with the fresh vanilla scent from your perfume. Your mother insisted that you start wearing perfumes and start taking care if your body since you are now a lady and perhaps next year you will start wearing corsets.

Once a woman reached the age of eighteen, it is a must to wear one to maintain an upright, 'good figure' and of course, parents should decide whether they would send their daughter to college but in your case, finishing school it is.

“I still have months to persuade my parents to change their minds. Nothing could possible go wrong.”

You settled your books and slate in your study table before deciding to come down to help for supper. Even with the helpers in your house, you are expected to do basic simple chores in the house such as arranging the plates in the table before and after a meal.

You found your mother cooking in the kitchen while Levi was already arranging the plates in the table. You were about to stop him since it is your job to do it but your mother grabbed you by the wrist.

“Let him dear, just for tonight. I already told him the chores he will be doing and just for tonight, I asked him to eat with us and he insisted on helping.”

You nod in response to your mother before glancing over at Levi who seems to be unbothered. You noticed that he has this bored expression in his fac. He’s short and pale, and noticeably quiet which his presence made you feel intimidated by him.

Levi had caught you staring at him which made him a little uncomfortable, you were only observing him but to him, he thought you were judging him for the way he is, maybe he even thought that you pity him, you being disgusted to the plates because he touched it also crossed his mind.

“Do you need anything?” You felt your blood rushing through your face when you realized that you were staring at the new boy, it was embarrassing and improper for a lady to stare.  

“What?” you did not understand what he just said and why he said it. you look around and your mother was not in the kitchen anymore and the two of you were left alone.

“I said, do you need anything?” Levi placed the last plate he was holding in the table before averting his gaze to you.

“No, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sta-” you were cut off by your father stepping into the kitchen along with your mother. You hurriedly checked the soup before taking it out on the stove.

The four of you took a seat in the dining area. You were sitting beside your mother and in front of Levi. Only the sound of clanking utensils can be heard.

“Say, Levi is it? what do you usually do in your house?” Your father and you looked at your mother and Levi as she tries to engage a conversation.

“I take care of my younger sister Ma’am, she’s 12. Sometimes, I help sell our small crops and goods in town for our extra income.”

“That’s good. How old are you anyways?”

“Eighteen ma’am, turning nineteen.”

Your mother nod at his response while you and your father remained quiet for the entire night. Normally, you were the one who was being asked about your day in school but it was nice having a break even just for a night.

Levi on the other hand was a little uncomfortable not from talking but from the food. It’s not like he did not like the food that was served, in fact he liked it very much but he just hoped that he could share the meat and the delicious soup with his mother since they rarely eat anything like that. Bread, cheese, oats and jams were the only food they can afford.

Nonetheless, it was a decent evening for him and to you too. It was peaceful and the both of you shared one thing in common, changed.

-

“Psst!”

“Y/N!”

You rose from your bed as soon as you heard whispers along with rocks hitting your window from below your room. You did not need to know who was the culprit because only one person keeps doing that for years.

Sneaking at night was improper especially for a lady at your age but you and your friends were never really liked at term ‘Proper’, you and your friends are indeed proper in the eyes of everyone, but not when all of you are alone.

Without wasting any time, you put your boots on and carefully head outside without making a noise. Sneaking outside your room was always easy but going down the stairs was the hardest part. The amount of times you were caught sneaking out when you were a child because of the squeaking sounds that the stairs makes still haunts you till this day.

Luckily, you managed to pass the old squeaky stairs, there was just a faint light coming from the living room. You were taking your time way too much that you forgot about your friends waiting outside for probably almost 10 minutes now, you hurriedly made your way to the front door before looking back just to check if any of your parent is up.

You opened the door and the cold wind immediately welcomed you as soon as you stepped outside. It was dark and only the moon was giving the night sky its light. You carefully and quietly closed the door making sure no sound can be heard from the inside.

It was already getting late so you ran as soon as you turned your back on your house not caring on the slippery additional five concrete stairs in front of your house. You just need to go to the side of your house where your room is and everything will be fine.

Everything was going on so smoothly not until a person suddenly stood up just as you were about to turn, you bumped you head hard on that persons chest. You look up to meet Levi’s confused expression.

“Levi! You scared me, what are you doing?” You whispered before looking around to see if anyone was there.

“Sitting, obviously.” He simply replied while looking at you.

You looked back at him nervously, you were scared he might tell your parents that you were sneaking at night.

“Listen I- Please don’t say anything to my parents, please, just pretend you didn’t see me.” You begged him. Levi didn’t say anything, he was thinking if he should accept your request or not which made you more anxious as time goes by.

“See what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Levi replied.

Immediately, a smile was plaster on your face, you were relieved by his answer. You smiled at him.

“Thank you Levi, I owe you one.” You walked passed him before running to the side of your room.

Levi was left alone confused, you were still behaving like the way you did earlier. You still smiled at him even when no one’s around. Yet a part of his thought knows you needed to be kind to him only for him to not tell your parents what he just saw.

-

“There she is, Y/N we’ve been here for almost an hour.”

“Ymir I think that’s a bit overreacting now.”

You were greeted by your friends, Sasha who’s clinging over Annie, Ymir holding a bunch of scarfs and Historia who’s holding flower crowns. They walked over to your direction to meet you.

“I’m sorry, I’m here now let’s go.” All of you looked around as you all walked away from your house. You looked back at the direction where Levi was when you were already far away from your house, there was no Levi already.

‘Maybe he already went inside.’ You thought to yourself.

There was laughter and chatter while you and your friends are on the way to the near lake in your house. One every two weeks, all of you spends the night there talking about life since all of you were just a child.

“it’s still so beautiful no matter what.” Historia says in an awe when you arrived at the lake.

She’s right, it’s always so peaceful and calm here especially at night.

“It’s nice, nothing changed in this beautiful lake but we’re all changed. Look at us now.” You sadly said while looking over the lake.

Your friends understood what you said. None of you were ready for being grown up, for the reality you need to face.

“We’re all adults now, I’m scared that one day we all might forget each other, we have to marry some gentleman one way or another.” Annie stated.

“I hate them already.” Sasha replied.

There was a lump in your throat, you want them to know that you can’t go to college with them but you can’t, it just doesn’t feel right to you to say it just yet.

“I’ll just marry all of you if that’s the case.” You jokingly said to lighten up the mood.

“It would please of if you don’t include me and Historia, we’re going to marry each other.” Ymir said as she hugs Historia while the blonde girl giggles before returning her hug.

You spend the night laughing and playing around while wearing flower crowns, the happy faces of your friends reassured you that everything will be fine. After an hour, you all parted ways before it gets too late. Maybe some other time you will have the courage to tell them the truth.

You manage to went back inside your house without waking your parents up yet at this point you don’t care if they did. It will give you the reason to beg not to send you to finishing school but you know it will worsen the situation.

You were thinking for so long that your thoughts went to that Raven haired boy, he seems nice yet not much of a talkative person. Kuchel was so nice to you so you’re also certain that Levi is just like his mother. You remembered that you owe him for tonight and you know exactly what to do.

[cinnamonest]

Here in a part of Latinoamerica, we have tendency to address strangers and friends by pet names. The amount of times I have been called doll, Princess, Queen, sweetie, darling... even mommy lol both males and females engage in this custom.

I know what people may be thinking now, but it's actually quite funny! They just do it to be friendly and it's not flirty at all (you can see the difference when it is tho)

So, that had me thinking: how the Genshin boys would react to a pre-kidnapping darling acting like that towards others? Addressing strangers with cutesy names, or even them! Thinking it's just for them... only to discover she acts like that towards everyone lol

(I can already feel the slutshaming from Childe, Kaeya, Scara and Xiao)

Oomf yes I actually had a best friend in high school who was an Ecuadorian exchange student who told me about something like that that... she also said there's like a big difference between when it's meant as friendly versus when it's just stranger men being more malicious about it. Here it’s almost always malicious... and it always happens to me... and it’s always creepy old dudes... sigh

Honestly yeah it goes without saying that none of them would like it, but the reactions vary. You have softer sweet yans who just feel kinda hurt bc :( they want you to only be sweet to them and all that. That's a Venti/Bennett/Chongyun type. 

You have some who get mad but try to deal with it.... silently. More so glaring at the other guy until they leave, rather than doing anything to you. That would be the more domineering types who still want to maintain a good image, like Diluc or Zhongli. Then you have ones who just... get upsetti. They don't really understand it but they know they don't like it and that they want you to stop doing it. On the bright side, they're bluntly honest, but on the negative side, that blunt honesty also means they're more aggressive about it to both you and the other person. This would be the reaction of yans who aren't as used to social norms, or aren't really in touch with themselves enough to understand their own emotions, so like Xiao, Razor.

Then you have the ones who are very :)))))) about it. Swoop in with a smile on their face with an arm around you every time they catch you talking to someone else that way, but there's a subtle threat in their speech that's clearly giving the message to fuck off to the other guy. They stay all smiley about it, but get passive aggressive since clearly you have self-control issues, you don't like them as much as they thought. Deep down yeah they're really kinda upset bc they got their hopes up thinking it was something you did just for them. This would be like, Kaeya/Childe type.

Aaand finally you have the type that get quiet, but it's not a sad/hurt quiet, it's more of an angry quiet. Yanderes that don't want to cause a scene or be disruptive so they kind of quietly stand a ways away and eavesdrop. They let it get to them and internalize it, but also kinda beat themselves up inside for daring to think it was special to them. They're likely to show their anger in little passive aggressive ways, and act rather cold towards you for a while. At first it might seem random, but eventually they'll crack and you'll know what's wrong because the next time you call them sweet names they get a scowl and mutter something about how they'd rather you not say it to them since it clearly means nothing to you. This would be either yanderes who are too prideful to get mad because getting mad is basically admitting that it hurt their feelings (Scara, Xingqiu) or types who are also just socially inept enough to not know how to handle it, but are still socially aware enough that they know better than to cause a scene and make things awkward by approaching you about it, like Albedo.

As for the slutshaming, that would definitely come from either the Kaeya/Childe type or the Scara/Xingqiu type, and on an individual level you would definitely get some very passive aggressive slutshaming from Xiao, Albedo, and Diluc, and kinda unaware slutshaming that’s not intended as malicious but is slutshaming nonetheless from Razor. All are likely to blame it on "your nature," either as a person or just as a girl, depending on how sexist they are lmao.

[whereisten]

Heal

A Kun fic that’s part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: Doctor Qian Kun is a young and successful doctor who works miracles. And you are no exception when you become his patient.

Pairing: Doctor! Kun x female reader

Genre: romance, angst, fantasy, horror

Word Count: 5.6k

Warnings: blood, manipulation

(A/N: Thank you guys so much for your support with our Halloween fics! Hope you enjoy the adventures of y/n and Doctor Kun!)

___

You were no stranger to visits to the Neo Hospital in your hometown. When you were a baby, you basically lived at the hospital. You were prone to colds and fevers. You always experienced body aches and fatigue. You were born with a chronic autoimmune disorder that left many doctors baffled. They were only able to provide you with medications to alleviate your pains temporarily. You were confined to stay at home, to be homeschooled by your parents, and make friends online. Your childhood was far from normal.

You were a college junior now and you’ve been strictly online. If it wasn’t for the Internet, you probably would’ve lost your mind by now.

You had contact with the outside world but not physical contact. It’s what you longed for the most.

You resented your family. Your older and younger siblings could go out whenever they pleased. How did they get so lucky? Why were you the only sibling that got the short end of the stick?

Everyone in your family always interacted with you carefully, using hand sanitizer and always washing their hands prior to helping you with something. They treated you like a fine, porcelain doll that had to be preserved. It was irritating on your best days and unbearable on your worst. You felt like an abomination sometimes.

However, throughout the years, you would rebel. You would run away from home when your parents eyes wandered for a moment. The farthest you’d get before getting caught was the park. You were lucky that you didn’t develop any harsh symptoms from those times you ran away. However, you would be punished for taking such risks. You’d get your phone and internet privileges taken away for a month every time.

Last week, you succeeded in your most ambitious escape yet: you made it to Target to buy the new Ariana Grande CD. You thought that the one trip to Target couldn’t hurt you. By no means was it crowded and no one got into your space.

Well, you were wrong to think that you’d be fine.

Now you came down with a fever and you’d been placed on bed rest at your all-too familiar Room 1196 on the eleventh floor of the hospital.

You resented your body. A lot of people could recover from a fever and carry on with their day-to-day lives but you? Not so much.

Your parents made a whole spectacle of getting you to be seen by the best doctors but these doctors couldn’t help you the way you’d hoped.

However, this time, you awoke the next morning after your intake and felt...nothing.

Like you never had a fever in the first place.

You spent the morning checking your social media. Your crush/online classmate Sicheng was on a weekend hiking trip with his friends. He was with a bunch of beautiful, healthy people in North Carolina. You were even more bummed to be in the hospital now.

You wondered what life would be like if you didn’t have your condition. Where could you have gone? Who would you be now?

You’ve always wanted to go to the beach by yourself. To the supermarket. Hell, across the street. You wanted to go somewhere. Anywhere. Without anyone coddling you and watching your every move.

You wished for freedom from the body you were born with. To find a new one, somehow.

Because you had no hope for your current body to change.

“Y/n? Can I come in?” A male voice was heard from the door.

“Sure.” You sat upright on the bed.

The person at the door entered and he was the prettiest healthcare provider you’d ever laid your eyes on. He had warm, brown eyes and a radiant smile. His dark blue hair was wavy.

Suddenly, you regretted not brushing your hair that morning.

He donned a lab coat with the hospital’s name on it. His name tag was in a lanyard: Dr. Qian Kun, MD, DOM, PharmD.

He looked very young...And to have all of those titles? Your head was spinning.

He frowned as he saw how confused you looked. “Are you alright?”

You nodded. “I am.”

He sat on the chair beside your bed. “It’s nice to meet you, y/n. I’m Dr. Qian Kun but you can call me Kun.”

You blinked a few times. “Are you really a doctor?”

He laughed, confused. “What?”

“You don’t seem that much older than me…”

He sighed. “I get that a lot. I’m twenty-four. I graduated early from university...Earned my titles...Now here I am.”

“That’s amazing. You are probably the youngest doctor ever.”

Kun shook his head. “Afraid not. Bala Ambati became a doctor at seventeen.”

You shook your head. “Still...You have three doctorates. That means triple the sleep deprivation. Hats off to you.”

Kun chuckled as he looked at your information in his clipboard. “Your vitals have improved a lot since yesterday.”

You looked down at your hands. “Yeah...That’s impossible…”

Kun shook his head, noting how down you looked. “It is possible, y/n.”

You met his gaze. “How?”

He smiled. “Are you familiar with oriental medicine?”

He sure was charming, you thought. You reminded yourself to answer his question. “No, I’m not.”

Kun got up from his seat. “Well, there are many different practices that a doctor of oriental medicine can utilize, like acupuncture, meditation, and herbal therapy...To restore harmony to the human body. I specialize in herbal therapy.”

“I see…”

“I have created an herbal mixture that has worked efficiently to get my patients back up on their feet.”

Incredulous still, you managed to say, “That’s great, Doctor.”

He lifted an eyebrow.

“I mean, Kun.”

Kun resumed, “And I‘ve provided you with the herbal mixture and from the looks of it, the results have quickly taken effect.”

You were speechless. “That’s…”

“I know it’s hard to believe, y/n. But sometimes doctors fail to find other alternatives to help their patients. Which is why I’m glad I’m your primary physician now.”

“Wait, what about Doctor Morris?” Doctor Morris had been your primary physician since you were five years old.

“She’s retired. I’ve been taking on a couple of her patients now.”

“I see…”

Kun looked out your room’s window and smiled to himself. “You don’t trust me.”

“Don’t take it personally. I don’t trust any medical professional. No one has been able to understand my condition yet so…”

Kun replied, “You’ve been let down too many times.”

“Exactly. Doctors just can’t figure me out.”

He turned to you and grinned. “Allow me to prove you wrong, then.”

___

At the recommendation of Doctor Kun, you were assigned to stay in the hospital for the next few weeks to see how the herbal mixture would affect your body if you took it for a longer period of time.

Every passing day, you felt more alive. It was weird to say this but you felt more alive at the hospital than you did before. You were beginning to suspect that Kun’s herbal mixture was actually working.

The herbal mixture was made of feverfew among other medicinal herbs. It had certainly done the trick to reduce your fever overnight. You wondered just what this mixture was made of.

You just finished your online linguistics lecture and closed your laptop. You found Kun waiting at the door. “You free?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

He sat down next to you and pulled some of your favorite candy out of his pocket.

He put the candy bar in your hand. His fingers lightly touched your palm. Your face warmed up at his proximity. “Happy Halloween, y/n.”

Your eyes nearly bugged out. How did he know you loved Twix? You took the candy bar into your hand and almost cried.

“Y/n?” He asked, worried.

You wiped a tear away. “Sorry...It’s just that this time of the year is hard because...I want to celebrate it. Go out and trick or treat...I know that time has gone for me but I hate that I missed out, you know…”

“Y/n…”

You sniffled and took a bite of the chocolate bar. “My parents never wanted me to feel like I was missing out so they would bring the holiday home to me. I was never in need of M&Ms, Skittles, Twix, or Sour Patch Kids…They even helped me make the best Halloween costumes. We would watch a bunch of horror movies all month long...But I wanted to be a kid. I wanted to go out with my friends and go door to door…”

Kun’s heart went out to you. He hated seeing you so down and so deprived of a life that everyone should have. “Y/n, you will be able to do all of the things you want to do in life.”

You looked at Kun and he had a determined look on his face. “How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve worked with people with conditions like yours...They thought they would be attached to the hospital forever one way or another. But with my methods, I was able to help them turn their life around. And now they’re living normally and fully.”

You sighed. “I’m happy to hear that...I just don’t think I’ll be one of them.”

Kun placed his hand over yours. “Trust me, y/n. I won’t let you down.”

You met his eyes, then, and you smiled. “Thanks, Kun. I’ve gotta hand it to you. You’re my favorite doctor.”

He beamed. “Is that so?”

You nodded. “Yeah...None of the other doctors ever gave me so much as a lollipop Even though that seems to be the norm on TV…”

Kun chuckled. “There’s more where that came from, y/n.”

___

It has been a month since you’ve entered the hospital. The medical bills were covered by an anonymous benefactor. Your family didn’t have to worry about the financial strain of your hospital stay.

Your family came to visit you and they were stunned at how radiant you looked. They were surprised at how much more ALIVE you looked when they expected you to be weak and miserable because you were at the hospital. Something about you was different.

“Doctor Kun is a miracle worker, isn’t he?” Your dad asked.

“I heard he’s a sight for sore eyes, too...Don’t you think so, y/n?” Your older sister Sydney teased.

You mom shook her head and helped fluff your pillows. “How are you, sweetheart?”

You smiled. “I’m better, actually. I think Kun’s methods are working.”

“Oh, are you two on a first name basis?” Your sister joked.

You rolled your eyes. “He told me to call him Kun. If you saw him, you’d feel weird calling him Doctor, actually.”

“He’s quite young, y/n. He graduated from a top university in Beijing at age 10. Then, he went to medical school right after. He’s been a practicing doctor for a couple of years now. He’s unbelievable,” you dad said.

Kun entered the room, then. “I hope I’m not interrupting. I’m Doctor Qian Kun. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Your mom was in love with him. Your dad was in shock at how young he was. Your sister wanted his number. You broke their stunned silence. “Kun, these are my parents Donna and Andrew. And this is my sister, Sydney.”

Kun greeted them. “I’m glad you are all here so I can tell you the good news.”

Everyone was shocked at the phrase “good news”. What good news could he possibly have to share?

Kun continued, “Y/n, your vitals are working at optimum level and we want to see how well you can fare by discharging you.”

You asked, “What?”

Kun smiled. “You can start having a normal life...In which you can attend in-person classes, go to the supermarket, take up a sport…”

You weren’t sure about the last thing he offered but everything else he suggested made you jump out of your bed. “Serious?”

Kun’s smile grew. “Yes.”

Your parents gave each other looks.

Your dad started. “Doctor, are you sure about this...y/n has lived all of her life in our home. The only outside world she’s ever known is our backyard and this hospital.”

Kun nodded. “I am sure. I’ve worked with several patients with similar cases as y/n’s and I would like to put the effect of the herbal mixture to the test. If there is any risk, she will immediately be brought back to the hospital and I will up the dosage for the herbs.”

After a few more minutes of discussion, your parents reluctantly agreed to take you home. To alleviate their concerns, you promised to consult with Kun once a week so he could monitor your progress.

You would be going home tomorrow and you had been given the green light to live a normal life. Outside. Go to classes. See your friends. Go to the beach. Buy fruits at the grocery store.

You packed up your belongings and Kun visited you one last time before you left. “Hey.”

You smiled brightly at him. “Hi!”

“How are you feeling?”

“Better than I ever have, honestly. And I have you to thank for that. Look, I’m not sure if this will work out in the end but the fact that I can take the chance and go out there...Thank you.”

Kun ruffled your hair. “I’m here for you, y/n.”

You did admit to yourself that you’d had a little crush on Dr. Kun but who were you kidding? He was so out of your league. You’d had a friend in him and you would always be thankful to him. “I have something for you.”

Kun’s eyes widened. “For me?”

“I wasn’t sure it’d get to my house in time but my mom got the package today. I told her to bring it today when everyone visited so…”

You pulled out a small gift bag with Kun’s present inside.

Kun smiled. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” “You’ve done a lot for me, Kun. I may have my doubts but I don’t doubt your intentions. And they're nothing but good. You’ve been doing so much for me. You’re setting me free...In a way.”

You handed the bag to Kun. He pulled out a little wrapped box from inside. He looked at you as he mocked suspicion.

He removed the wrapping to find a pair of AirPods. He gaped. “Y/n…”

You smiled. “For whenever you need to escape the noise…”

Kun had told you that sometimes he would get overwhelmed with his duties at the hospital and you’d asked him what gave him comfort. He told you it was music. So you figured something as light and portable as AirPods could help Kun calm down whenever he needed it throughout the day.

He smiled brightly at you and surprised you by wrapping his arms around you. “Y/n, thank you...You shouldn’t have…”

You froze. Kun’s toned body was against yours and you could feel the racing of his heart. Your heart probably beat twice as fast. You felt yourself get warmer and warmer. You pulled away from him, his hands on your arms.

He blushed. “Sorry…”

You cleared your throat. “Don’t worry about it…”

Your dad returned to the hospital room. “Y/n, you ready?”

Perfect timing, dad, you thought.

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

___

It may have been the second semester of your junior year but you felt as nervous as an incoming college freshman as you entered Neo University’s grounds for the first time. You were meeting some of your friends for the first time ever.

It was one thing to see them on the screen but your heart accelerated thinking of what it would be like to see them in the flesh.

You’ve been doing well so far with the herbs Kun had sent you home with. You were able to go grocery shopping with your mom. She was still considering whether or not you could go to the beach yet. You hoped that your progress would continue so she would say yes.

You felt healthier than ever. You could breathe well through your nose. You felt no body aches. You were ready to cartwheel across the quadrangle.

First, you had to learn how to cartwheel, though.

“Y/n!!!!!” Jungeun called out to you.

Your blonde best friend ran up to you and jumped you from behind. “Ah!”

“Jungeun!” You gasped.

She laughed. “You said I could touch you so I wasn’t about to hold back.”

You hugged each other tightly.

“Y/n, it’s so good to see you!”

You and Jungeun have been friends since middle school so you were already a sobbing mess on your first day.

“Stop crying, y/n or else I’m gonna…” She started crying, too.

“Enough with the tears, already,” Dejun added.

You and Jungeun hugged Dejun to bother him, then.

He laughed. “Y/n, welcome to Neo U.”

“Thanks,” you said, smiling.

You three went to your seminar together and you were just so in awe of being in a classroom, you had trouble focusing on the lecture. You were even more distracted when you saw that Sicheng was in the same class.

He recognized you and waved. You were yelling so loudly on the inside.

Before this semester, you had the occasional online class that you shared. You saw Sicheng for the first time a year ago and your crush on him grew from there. He was one of the most popular guys on campus, according to Jungeun. You had a group project with him last semester and he was so...Perfect.

He was intelligent and down-to-earth. His smile was so sweet and his eyes pierced into your soul. He was talking poetry. It felt like you were seeing your favorite celebrity in person.

When class ended, you went to lunch with your friends and Sicheng joined you.

“How are you, y/n?” He asked.

“I’m great. Never been better,” you replied.

He smiled. “I’m glad. If you ever need anything, please let me know. You have my number.”

You nodded. “Of course. Same here. If you ever need anything. I’m here for you, too.”

Sicheng chuckled. “Great.”

When you finished lunch, Jungeun couldn’t stop poking fun at you. Sicheng left early for a club meeting. “I’m surprised he didn’t ask you out, then!”

You rolled your eyes. “Ask who out?”

Dejun added. “Me, of course.”

Jungeun continued. “The ‘you have my number’ couldn’t have been more obvious. He wants you in his dorm yesterday.”

You frowned. “And what would we do? Fix his bed?”

Jungeun and Dejun laughed. Jungeun added, “The opposite, y/n.”

Your face heated up then. “Oh.”

Since you have basically spent most of your life either at home or at the hospital, you never even considered the possibility of a love life. You tried to convince yourself that dating sims would’ve been enough.

“Don’t worry, y/n...You and Sicheng can take it slow...He’s no incubus who is trying to take your soul,” Dejun offered.

“True,” you said.

That was if Sicheng saw you that way in the first place.

___

A few weeks had passed. You’d been seeing Kun regularly to check in and everything had gone as expected. You were fine. You weren’t exhibiting any flare-ups. So long as you kept taking the prescribed herbs, you would be fine.

“How is everything, y/n?” He asked.

“Pretty good, actually. School is still school, even if it’s in person. But I got to go to a skating rink for the first time.”

He laughed. “How was it?”

“I am terrible.” You showed your legs. “It explains these bruises.”

Kun shook his head and chuckled. “I’m glad you’re getting out more, y/n. Try and take it one step at a time.”

“Oh, geez. I wish you said that sooner. I already joined a blood cult and I’m getting married next week.”

Kun rolled his eyes as he finished taking notes from your consultation.

“How is everything with you, doc?”

Kun’s eyes widened. “Me?”

“Surely, you’re not always at the hospital.”

Kun sighed. “Well, y/n...it just so happens that I’ve taken residence up on the top floor. The whole floor is my apartment. Don’t really get to spend much time there because I’m almost always on call.”

Your jaw dropped. “What? Kun, that’s abuse. You shouldn’t be working so many hours. It’s against the-“

Kun couldn’t help his smile appearing.

“You sneaky bastard,” you said.

You both laughed, then.

Sometimes you forgot Kun was a successful doctor. Sometimes he felt like your infinitely smarter senior at college.

He was a million worlds away from yours.

Kun answered, “Well, I’m doing fine, y/n. I meet up with friends once in a while and go white-water rafting.”

“That sounds like fun!”

Kun shook his head. “It’s challenging but exciting. I get a rush every time I go.”

You thought out loud. “I’d love to try it sometime…”

Kun pat you in the back. “When you are at one hundred perfect, I’ll give you the green light. Sounds good?”

You nod.

___

You’d wrapped up your midterm and you were ready to head home and take a nap. You walked through the student quad.

“Y/n!” Sicheng called out to you.

You turned around and found Sicheng running towards you.

You smiled, already warm in the face. “Hi.”

“I was wondering if you were free right now…”

“Really? Me?”

He smiled, confused at your question. “Yeah, you. Want to go to the movies with me?”

You nodded. “Absolutely.”

Sicheng drove you guys to the movies. He bought the tickets and the snacks. He let you pick the movie. You picked The Blair Witch Project. It came out over twenty years ago but the theater was doing a limited time screening of it.

You and Sicheng couldn’t shut up throughout the whole movie as you whispered to each and made each other laugh. You’d almost gotten kicked out of the theater.

You left the theater together and he asked you to dinner. You said yes. You were starting to think that this was a date.

“Y/n, this is a date, right?” He asked you at dinner.

You stopped eating your chicken parmigiana and looked at him with big eyes. “I think...Is it?”

Sicheng sighed. “I wanted it to be…”

You laughed. “Oh, thank God. I thought it was all in my head for a second. Maybe you were this nice to all of your friends.”

He pointed out, “I am not this nice to my friends, I can promise you that.”

Sicheng drove you home and kissed you goodnight before you entered your house. You felt like you were floating on a cloud now.

___

Two days later, there was a campus alert that Sicheng had gone missing. His face was all over the news. The last time he was heard from was when he told his best friend Jaehyun that he was going to ask you out to the movies. The last time he was seen was when he took you home.

Sicheng’s car was found a mile away from the dorms. The key was still in the ignition and his wallet and phone were left behind.

You were brought into the police station for questioning and you told them everything that happened the night Sicheng disappeared.

You were worried. What could have happened to him? Would he be alright? Would he be able to come back home? You missed him so much.

You took an evening stroll around your neighborhood to try and calm down. You reached the park where there was no other soul in sight.

Suddenly, you felt a tingly sensation in the back of your neck. You felt that someone was following you.  

You began to walk faster. Suddenly, you were pinned to the ground and everything turned black.

___

You woke up in Room 1196, then. Wait...It wasn’t 1196...It was a different room in Neo Hospital. The room was dark and you could only hear the sound of your breathing. It grew more hysterical with each second.

You felt a burning sensation in your neck. You cried out in pain. You cried out, “Help me, please.”

“Y/n…” You recognized Kun’s voice.

You nearly yelled out in pain but restrained yourself. “What...happened?”

“An animal attack,” he started.

You frowned. “What?”

Kun sighed. “It was good that I was there to help you in time, y/n…”

“What?”

Kun moved your hair out of your face. “I was in the neighborhood when I saw the beast attack your neck.”

“A beast?” You frowned.

“Sicheng, was it?”

Your eyes widened. “How do you-“

“You can’t hide anything from me, y/n...You know that’s not how our relationship works.”

“What are you talking about? Ahhhhh.” The pain was getting to be too much for you.

“Can you put two and two together, y/n? Sicheng bit you.”

You shook your head furiously. “No, he wouldn’t-“

Kun snapped his fingers and Sicheng entered the hospital room. His bright expression nowhere to be found. His eyes were a bright red and his lips had traces of blood on them.

“Sicheng?!” You asked.

Sicheng smiled, showing fangs in his teeth. “Hi, y/n…”

“Oh, my God!” You started.

Kun grew annoyed. “Alright, that’s enough pleasantries for my taste. Go.”

Sicheng walked away at his command.

You began, “What the-“

Kun smiled brightly at you then. This time, his straight white teeth displayed his own fangs. “Y/n...Sicheng has put you in a bit of a bind, hasn’t he?”

You tried backing away from Kun and getting off of the bed but it was almost as if the pain kept you from moving.

Kun ran the back of his hand down your cheek. “When a newborn vampire bites you, the bite is lethal...You could die anywhere between minutes and hours...It depends on the bitten, really…”

You flinched at his touch. “What...did you do to me?”

Kun inched closer to you and you winced. He lathered up the blood that leaked from your neck down to your collarbone.

“What had to be done, y/n. From the moment I first saw you, I knew that I had to have you.”

You cried out in pain. “Somebody help me, please! Sicheng, please!”

Kun, annoyed over you mentioning Sicheng, shut the door to the hospital room. “It’s useless, y/n. Sicheng wouldn’t be in this mess if he hadn’t infiltrated what is mine. Now Sicheng must endure the consequences and be at my mercy. I turned him so now he looks to me for instructions. Until I release him...Perhaps in the next millennium...”

You sobbed. “Kun, please make this pain stop! I can’t take it!”

He cooed. “I know, baby. I want to help you. Just say the word and I’ll make the pain go away.”

The pain dominated your senses so you couldn’t process how exactly he would make it go away. “Okay! Just do it!”

Kun got up onto the bed and straddled you. He leaned down towards your neck and bit into you.

You cried out again but this time the excruciating pain turned into a euphoria so glorious, you never wanted it to end. You wrapped your arms around Kun as he continued to drink your blood.

___

It was morning when you had woken up. You were in Room 1196 now. You shot up from your bed and found Kun seated right beside you.

“Good morning, darling,” he started.

You glared at him. “Bite me. Oh, wait, you already did.”

He smiled. “I see your energy is up. That’s good to see.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m going home…”

Suddenly, you stopped right at the door and your throat started to burn. Your senses heightened and you could sense that one of the nurses was walking right past your room’s door. You wondered what she would taste like if you caught her by surprise right then and there and…

What the holy hell were you thinking?

Kun sighed. “Don’t kill Joyce. She’s the most competent nurse on the staff.”

You ran into your bathroom door and looked at yourself in the mirror.

But you couldn’t.

You put a hand over your mouth and sobbed. “Kun!!!!!”

Kun joined you in the bathroom. “Ah, yes. You won’t be able to gain access to your reflection for another twenty years.”

“Twenty years...What is going on?”

“But what else, y/n? I turned you. To save your life.”

“Turned me into what, Kun?! Say it!”

Kun smiled. “Darling, you already know. Just admit it to yourself.”

You cried. “No…”

“You’ve always wanted a new body. A new life, y/n. And I’ve given it to you. I’ve made you the most powerful creature on this damned planet: a vampire.”

You fell to the ground. You could feel your fangs against your tongue.“Kun! Why did you do this to me? What did I ever do to you?”

Kun sat with you on the ground. “Because I love you, y/n. I never want to be apart from you again.”

You spat in his face. “You made me into a monster.”

Kun, unbothered, wiped your spit away with the sleeve of his coat. “I did not. I made you the best version of yourself you can be. Time for you has become infinite. Your body is immune to all illnesses now. You can see clearly. Your metabolism is in top shape. You are a goddess now.”

You shook your head. “Kun, take it back.”

He chuckled. “You’ve seen enough movies to know that that’s not how it works, y/n...You are mine now. Forever. Just like Sicheng. Just like a lot of the staff in this hospital.”

You shook your head rapidly. “Like hell I’m yours.”

“Y/n, I have been very generous up until this point. Using my blood to help you overcome your chronic condition. Funding your hospital bills...The least you can do is submit to me....”

It was hard to process all of the truths he just delivered. “Your blood?”

He laughed. “You mean you couldn’t taste my blood in the herbal mixture?”

You were about to throw up.

He chuckled darkly. “Admit it, y/n. You loved it.”

“Fuck you, Kun!”

He smiled. “We’ll get to that…”

You sneered. “You are despicable.”

His smile faded. “And you are testing my patience…”  He snapped his fingers at you. “On your knees…”

You stayed on the floor with your arms crossed across your chest.

He frowned as he snapped again. “On your knees, y/n.”

“I don’t think so,” you said.

Kun looked taken aback. “What? How?”

You got up from the ground and looked at him. “I will never submit to you for as long as I live..” If vampires were even considered living.

You ran quickly out of the hospital room, realizing you had superhuman speed now. You were able to leave the historial without facing any temptation to bite someone.

But your thirst had to be satisfied somehow and you had to find a way to quench it without hurting anyone.

___

[2 years later]

You’d skipped town not long after you turned. You sent letters to your family without a return address so as not to risk their safety.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m so sorry I ran away. I had no choice. If I didn’t leave, you all would’ve been in danger. One day, I hope to explain it all to you but in the meantime, live your lives fully and love each other. Don’t take anything for granted. I love you so much and will see you again.

Love,

y/n

You had become an infamous blood bag bandit as you moved across the country, running away from Kun. He would occasionally try and track you. Or he would send his henchman like Sicheng to do it for him.

You were lucky so far. You had never attacked a human being and sustained yourself on some blood bags you were able to nab from donating trucks.

The reason why you didn’t submit yourself to Kun that day was indeed because of his blood. Consumption of his blood made you immune to his influence. He couldn’t have you like he had wanted all along.

Kun had been obsessed with you from the very beginning. When you were discharged from the hospital the time you met him, he continuously stalked you. At college, at the grocery store, at your home...It would explain why he was able to send Sicheng to attack you.

He always knew where you were back then.

Kun commanded Sicheng to bite you then and put you at risk of dying. Kun’s plan was to save you, make you his vampire queen, and control you.

It was a shame he failed to see that his creation of medicinal herbs was the one thing that would lead to his plan’s failure.

You were immune to his commands and you weren’t going to stick around and see how else he would try and “win you over”.

According to your research, in all public records, Kun was now twenty-six. A blatant lie since he couldn’t age. So you wondered how long he would remain in your hometown. You kept a careful eye on your family every now and then. You’ve made some contacts to track your family occasionally, as well.

Kun had stooped low and you prayed he wouldn’t stoop even lower to get you.

You worked hard every day to work on your rapidly growing vampiric abilities. You couldn’t stick around anywhere for too long without arousing suspicion.

Now you weren’t confined to one space anymore.

You were confined to running.

You hoped to one day bring it this madness to an end and take Kun down. Save Sicheng and Kun’s other minions.

And for you to truly be free.

[Fin]

[thestarsanctuary]

Gotta support my fellow melanin babes 😎✨

I was thinking Mello, L, and Matsuda with a punk gn!black S/O who tries to introduce them to their music and general way of life? 👀

DEATH NOTE BOYS WITH A PUNK! BLACK S/O

Pronouns- just you, you, and you.

MELLO

When Mello first saw you he was intrigued. He knew what punk was obviously but actually seeing someone who was punk in person was a different story. The way you carried yourself with confidence and with your individuality oozing off of you, he was a bit smitten. So he asked you out. In the long route even if you said no- he was going to ask again anyways.

After dating for sometime you thought it would be good to reallt explain to him how you were and what it truly meant. What you were for. And you were for non-conformity. You were more politically active than most and constantly stated your disagreements with media and politics today, and even with Mello basically just staring at you- there was no embarrassment or shyness in your tone. You meant what you were saying.

Over time, Mello began to slowly absorb you and your views. ‘Anti-whatever sort of system we live in’ was what he chanted after you had gone on rants about what you believed was truly right in such a system, and it was so adorable because he truly thought that was impactful. So adorable in fact that everytime he said it you stopped everything to coddle him and embrace him. And every time, you were being fooled because he did it on purpose. 1 - Mello, 0 - You.

Now your music was not something that was hard for him to get into. He enjoys seeing you headbang or move in such ways to. Maybe you were playing classic Green Day, Circle Jerks, Misfits, whatever it was there was always something that stuck with him. He enjoyed the emotion involved- he could feel angry or frustrated or just motivated in general through the music.

Sometimes he saw you checking and would honestly be so zoned out watching you. Whether your hair was in locs. Shaved on the sides, or completely shaved off there was something about watching you and your focus on your appearance. He understood that being punk wasn’t just black clothes or objecting any modern rule, of course not. It was a way to reject the political as well as social norms of the world. And Mello loves attention and standing out so he actually started buying clothes like yours too!! He’s not completely punk but he likes trying for you.

L

L is a complicated soul he is. When he first saw you he was honestly confused. Why did you look like that- were you angry? Why were you so stone-faced. And to be honest, it was a little scary to him. Once you noticed him you walked over and for a second he thought you were going to scold him but instead you smiled and held out your hand. “Y/n.” You said, and he felt his heart beat a bit faster. Let’s not focus on that though.

You began dating quite fast as he felt no reason to wait. So when you began dating is when he began asking his questions about why you dress like that and why tou style your hair in that way, and you had given him the simple answer.

“I’m punk.”

“....what is that.”

And it’s not that he’s dumb but he’s not all that impressive when it comes to subcultures. I mean he’s a detective- he doesn’t have to be. But since his s/o is one he’ll take it upon himself to research and check his knowledge and make sure it is also the same case with you since he learned not all punk’s have some sort of consensus.

“So you are doing this to show that you go against the way things are now? Like a silent rebellion?”

“Sure yeah.”

It’s simple talks like those that happen all the time because he constantly wants to know more about you, despite being able to ask you himself, he likes surprising you with his knowledge. However he also knows that some things he has to get specifically from you since you’re black and most punk represented in the media is classically white people- he wants to understand your perspective out of all this. Nobody else’s.

When you start playing your music he kind of shuts down? He just stares at you because he’s not too sure if he likes the music or not but he soon warms up to it. He enjoys The Clash the most, he likes most of what yoy play though.

When you talk to him about politics and your beliefs he tries to listen and tie it to his understanding of being punk as well but sometimes he can’t tell if it’s something you believe or it’s a common punk belief, not that it matters, but still.

Overall this is a learning experience he doesn’t mind learning for you. It doesn’t even affect him in a negative way so he has no reason to be against it I mean, he can still kiss you and feed you cake after work so what is the problem?

MATSUDA

Matsuda is just chilling dawg. When he sees you he is a bit flustered, he can’t lie. But he doesn’t mind it, he almost embraces it. Your whole vibe attracted him from the beginning and that was surprising because he usually wouldn’t go for punk people (he hadn’t even seen many in general if at all)

He does get the courage to ask you out after staring at you for lord knows how long, and he’s almost embarrassed at how you just smile so sweetly at him. He totally misjudged your character. Even if it wasn’t on purpose he did subconsciously think you would have a more dominant personality, but that part only truly came out when talking about what you stood for as a punk black individual. Which you did quite often.

Listen- he doesn’t mean to but when you talk about that stuff all he can think about is how attractive you are. Your face, your outfits, your stature itself was so inviting. So he DOES just start kissing you and hugging you- what about it? Not like you mind, in fact you invite it everytime, but it is kind of weird how everytime it happens this is always how it ends.

When you start bringing up trying to introduce him to what it is that you are, it isn’t to convert him but he doesn’t seem to understand that. So be bites his lip and proceeds to say,

“Ah...sorry but um..I don’t think I am fit for that- not that it isn’t cool! You’re very cool and hot and I enjoy you a lot but...I don’t think it’s for me.” He stutters with a clear blush on his cheeks and you have to laugh.

“I just wanted to show you Suda I promise.” You say and he quickly relaxes his shoulders from their hunched up position.

Matsuda is not made for punk music and it’s almost funny. He tried it- he really did. He sat there and listened for an hour but he just couldn’t get into it the way you did, and it was something you expected but that didn’t mean it wasn’t any less cute to watch him try and pretend he enjoyed it with his awkward headbops.

When you talk about politics or the current state of the world and your views it’s very little that he shares his opinions because he cannot seem to want to. I mean there you are- pouring your heart and soul into this topic- especially highlighting how frustrating it is that there is barely any black-punk rep in te media, and he give you a two sentence “I agree” response. It is never happening again is what he vowed and he kept that promise.

All in all, he loves you. He loves your appearence, the way you hold yourself, your intellence, your music, everything. How could he not? There’s no question that no matter what you tell him, he’ll listen with heart eyes and remember it 10 years later, he loves you all the much.

FIN.

~~

Wheeewwww this was a trip and I don’t know why, anyways thank you for supporting me and I am so sorry for the wait bc you were probably waiting FOREVER- anyway I tried my best with the punk concept but it seems that there is no common consensus? So this was very vague sorry :( but thank you for requesting!!

- SS <3

[derangedangel]

Couple Distancing - Derek Hale

Summary: Alternate title “OMG they were quarantined together.” You’re social distancing at Derek’s loft.

Derek Hale x Reader

Word Count: 2,153

Author’s Note: I can’t purposely make anything short for the life of me. This was supposed to be a little cute quarantining with your boyfriend imagine, but... whatever.

You were at Derek’s place when the governor announced the state would be on lockdown for the month. You were thinking about how you were going to work from home when Derek interrupted your thoughts.

“You should stay over here,” Derek said making you stop what you were doing and turn to him.

“What,” you asked.

“You should stay here during the stay at home order. We both live alone, and we’re usually at each other’s places anyway.”

“You sure you can put up with me for a month,” you asked walking over to Derek.

He wrapped his arms around your waist once you were in front of him. “We’ve been together for a year, I think I can put up with you for a month,” he said chuckling. 

“Yeah, a month of not being able to go anywhere but the grocery store or for a walk,” you said placing your hands on his shoulders. “I’ll be in your space 24/7.”

“Just think of it as practice,” Derek replied. 

“Practice for what,” you asked with a smile on your face.

Derek pecked you on the lips and said, “Go home and pack a bag.” Then he let you go and walked away.

“Don’t ignore me Derek,” you said with your hands on your hips. “It’s practice for marriage isn’t it?” But he just kept walking away into the kitchen leaving you behind smiling in his direction.

Social Distancing: Day 1

Since Derek was the only one out of the two of you who couldn’t get sick, perks of being a werewolf, he would be the one to do the grocery runs. Currently, you were helping him put the grocerys up in the kitchen. 

“Where’s my tea,” you asked after all the grocerys were out.

“Oh...,” Derek said slowly. “I forgot.”

You sighed as you pushed your hair back out of your face. “That’s okay. I’ll just swing by and-”

“I can get it for you,” Derek said interrupting you. 

“Babe, I can just go to the store real quick. It’s fine.”

“I don’t want to risk you getting sick, Y/N.”

You leaned on the counter behind you looking up at your boyfriend. His green eyes bore into yours quilting you into not leaving the loft.

“Fine,” you said shaking your head turning away from him. “I won’t go. But don’t forget next time.”

Social Distancing: Day 10

Zoom meetings were the new norm for your job. You had a designated work area in Derek’s loft so you would be able to work. 

“Alright, so I’ll have that done by Friday morning,” you said on the Zoom call with a few of your coworkers.

“Great, just email me if you have any-,” you coworker Cami said then suddenly stopped. 

“What,” you asked looked at her screen on the Zoom conference trying to see if her video froze. “You still there Cami?”

“Y-yeah, yeah,” she said nodding her eyes big.

“Who’s that,” another one of your coworkers asked.

“What? Where are you looking,” you asked then focused on your screen finally realizing what everyone was looking at. You turned around and pulled one of your earbuds out. “Babe.”

“Yeah,” Derek turned and looked at you.

“Can you put a shirt on? I’m in the middle of a meeting,” you said gesturing to your laptop screen showing the zoom meeting.

“Oh,” Derek said giving one of his rare smiles out of embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“It’s no problem,” Cami said waving.

“Who was that,” your coworker Patrick said.

“My boyfriend,” you said turning around back to the screen. “I’m staying with him during the quarantine.” 

“Lucky.”

Social Distancing: Day 15

Okay, now not being able to go anywhere was starting to get to you. You knew it was better for Derek to go to the grocery store, but you missed getting presentable and going out in public. 

“Going somewhere,” Derek asked coming up behind you. His reflection staring at you in the bathroom mirror.

“No, why would you think that,” you asked with a mischievous smirk on your face.

“Because you put on makeup and clothes that aren’t yoga pants,” Derek replied as he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder.

“Just thought I’d get cute,” you said then dusted some highlighter on your cheeks. 

Derek turned his head and kissed your neck. “You’re always cute.”

You stared at Derek in the mirror and reached your hand up to touch his face. “That’s sweet... but I just wanted to put on real clothes and... It’s only been two weeks and I’m already tired of not having anywhere to go.”

“Annoyed with me already,” Derek asked smiling at you.

“It’s not you. I miss going to brunch and drinking mimosas. And a movie that was supposed to come this week got pushed back. I just miss having places to go.”

“I know what you mean,” Derek said as you turned around in his arms.

“Do you,” you asked teasing him. “You spend most of your time here, half at my place, and the rest between the preserve, the animal clinic, or the occasional restaurant if I can get you to go out.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. You seemed to like it when we stayed in,” Derek said, a smile dangling on the corner of his lips before he leaned down and began kissing down your neck.

“No it’s not,” you said giggling as you leaned your head back. “The difference is, we stayed in because we wanted to, not because we were forced to stay inside.”

Derek pulled back from your neck and gazed in your eyes. “I can think of a few things we can do so you’ll want to stay inside,” he said before he leaned in and kissed your lips.

“Baby...,” you said giggling. “I just did my makeup.”

“And where are you going,” Derek said, his eyebrow arched. 

Your forehead scrunched up as you thought for a moment. “You’re right,” you said then smashed your lips against Derek’s as you wrapped your hands around his neck. He picked you up then you wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you to his bed.

Social Distancing: Day 25

“I’m about to snap,” you sneered into the phone.

“What did Derek do now,” Lydia asked. Of course you had friends your own age, but Lydia was the one person who would truly understand. She knew Derek before you did, and could rationalize his protective alpha werewolf instincts, unlike your friends who didn’t know about the supernatural.  

“He’s treating me like a child. I had to practically sneak out of the loft just to get out on my own.”

“He’s just worried about you.”

“He can be worried, but I don’t need him breathing down my neck. He’s acting like I’m about to go to Disney World and be surrounded by thousands of people or something.” 

Lydia heard your car door slam shut, then she asked, “Where are you going?”

“No where,” you sighed. “I’m just going to go for a drive. I had to get out of there.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

“I feel like this quarantine is bringing out the worst in us and I don’t know what to do,” you said as you rested your head on the steering wheel.

“This isn’t the worst of you, Y/N,” Lydia said trying to sympathize. “These are stressful times. This isn’t a normal situation.”

“But I’m worried, Lydia. Before all of this started, Derek joked about this being practice.”

“Derek told a joke,” Lydia asked trying to hold in her laugh. 

You sat up and rolled your eyes even though your friend couldn’t see you. “Yes, Lydia. Derek Hale is known to to make a joke or two. But that’s beside the point.”

Lydia snickered then said, “I know. I’m sorry. Continue.”

“Thank you... I’m just worried that if we can’t get through this, how are supposed to live together and get married.”

“Hun, you two will be fine. This is just an extreme situation and doesn’t mean anything about your relationship. If the worse thing you can say is that he doesn’t want you to go out because you may get sick, I think your relationship is doing okay.”

You took what Lydia said in before you spoke. “I just... I thought we would be better than okay.”

“Talk to him. If he doesn’t know how you feel, how can he correct his behavior.”

You giggled saying, “It sounds like you’re talking about a dog.”

“Werewolf, dog... they’re basically the same thing,” Lydia said chuckling.

“You better be glad Derek’s not around me to hear you say that.”

“I think the Sourwolf will be okay.”

Social Distancing: Day 30

“You want to go for a drive,” Derek asked coming down the stairs.

You looked up from your work on your laptop a little surprised. The two of you had been keeping your distance for most of the day. The loft had been eerily quiet. 

“Uhh, yeah.” You closed your laptop and got up to put your shoes on.

A few minutes later, Derek and you were in his car with the windows down driving along a back road. 

“Any reason for this impromptu outing,” you asked finally breaking the silence. 

“I just thought we could get out of the loft for a while,” Derek replied keeping his straight ahead. You watched as he focused on the road in front of him. His hair messily blew from the wind. It was longer than normal since he couldn’t get it cut and he wouldn’t let you take a pair of clippers to his head.

“What is this really about, Derek,” you asked leaning your head against the head rest as you stared at him.

“I know things have been... weird between us lately. When this quarantine thing started out, we were doing great. But now-”

“We’re getting on each other’s nerves,” you interrupted finishing his sentence.

Derek sighed. “Pretty much.”

You turned in your seat so now your leg was folded underneath you. “Look... a few days ago, I thought this was a bad sign. But it isn’t. We’re in a pandemic, so this isn’t what it would normally be like if we lived together.” 

“I know,” Derek said glancing over at you. “That’s what I keep thinking, but then we’ve barely been talking the last few days.”

“At least we’re not fighting,” you said trying to find the silver lining. You reached over and ran your fingers through his hair as he drove the rest of the way. The two of you were quiet as Derek pulled into the preserve. Derek got out then came around to open the door for you. You grabbed his hand then he lead you to a trail where you two began walking.

Derek was the first to speak on your walk. “For a couple that spends so much time together, I though us staying together this past month would have gone smoother.” 

“Time apart is needed for any relationship. Even if it’s just me leaving for work or you doing werewolf stuff.”

“I do more than werewolf stuff,” Derek stated.

“We just need to comprise. Like I’ll stop saying the intro to Law & Order: SVU every time during a marathon, and you can stop asking me where something is before you even look, and I get up to show you it’s right in front of you.”

Derek pursed his lips taking a second to think before he spoke. “And I’ll stop leaving my beard hair in the sink after I shave in the morning, and you can stop auditioning for American Idol in the shower at night.”

Your mouth dropped open but you were smiling. “Ugh, rude,” you said elbowing him gently. 

Derek held his hands up in defense. “You started it.”

“Okay,” you said shaking your head, “but in all seriousness, we need to start talking about the things that annoy us before it builds up and we can’t fix it.”

“You’re right,” Derek said then stopped walking making you stop with him. “We need to communicate more, and try to understand where each other is coming from.” 

“I’m sorry for being irritating. And I’m sorry for not talking to you about how I was feeling,” you said looking up at him, a somber expression on your face.

“Me too,” Derek said, then leaned down and kissed you. “We’ll get better at this. I promise.”

Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you pulled it out to read the text. Your eyes grew wide as you read the text from your mom.

“What,” Derek asked concerned.

“Well, it looks like we’re going to get more time to work this living together thing out,” you replied holding your phone up so Derek could read the text.

“The stay at home order has been extended...,” Derek read aloud slowly.

[bestworstcase]

#I'm so happy to see someone articulate #why Raps pulling rank in RatGT was so damaging and hurtful #b/c I often see that scene framed as a#''she's coming into her authority and role as queen!''#but it never sat right w/ me and I couldn't pin why

so these are some of @pnumbra-rbs​’s tags on this post and while it’s a bit tangential to the point of that post i do have sOmE tHoUgHtS about that framing of the scene in the great tree, bc i also see that take floating around now and then and it always makes me go hrm.

broadly speaking, rapunzel’s character arc in rta does indeed involve coming into her authority. she enters the story as a socially-stunted, naive person struggling to grasp basic social norms like “don’t touch people without permission,” and she exits it as a competent, compassionate ruler who is comfortable and content in her role as the leader of her country.

but narrowing our focus down to just the argument in the great tree, it just... is not correct to say that this is the moment when rapunzel steps into her power or begins to come into her own as a princess and future queen. it is Rapunzel Making A Big Mistake, and the narrative intends for it to be taken as such. 

let’s break this down. first, why is it a mistake? well.

is publicly yelling at a subordinate good leadership? is it a healthy, productive use of authority?

consider the argument in RATGT from this perspective for a moment. strip out all the emotional context surrounding the argument, and at the core of it what we have here is a disagreement over the safety of the group. adira’s position is that the group is exhausted and must rest, regardless of the fact that they are in enemy territory. cassandra’s position is that the great tree is too dangerous to make the benefits of stopping to rest worthwhile, and they must press on until they find a safer location.

both are somewhat valid perspectives. hector is likely to catch up to them regardless of what they do, and it’s better to fight well-rested on chosen ground than to be caught off guard when you’re tired. adira doesn’t spell it out, but her plan is basically to get some rest, then stand and fight at the top of the tree when, not if, hector catches up. meanwhile, cassandra’s plan is to get out of the tree as fast as they can and hope that hector doesn’t catch up with them until after they escape. who’s right? it depends on your estimation of the threats posed by hector and by the great tree itself.

(personally, i’m with cass on this one. a high ledge in enemy territory that has already proven to be very dangerous in its own right is not ground i would ever choose as a battlefield unless i had absolutely no other choice. and while everyone is tired after a long day, i like the benefit-to-risk ratio of taking a few minutes to stretch, drink some water, and eat some food before pressing on a lot better than the benefit-to-risk ratio of stopping here for the night and staking everything on a battle in this location.)

now... cass doesn’t handle herself well in this argument. at all. i think she, unlike the rest of the group, is picking up the subtext of adira’s proposal (that they will fight hector here), but rather than rationally express her concerns, she goes off on a paranoia-fueled rant accusing adira of wanting to get them all killed. she comes off as hysterical and unhinged because she’s speaking out of frustration, stress, and exhaustion. her behavior is absolutely inappropriate. 

for rapunzel, as the leader, what is the correct way to handle this situation? 

good leadership is not just about making choices. it’s not just about the judgment calls. it is about management. which means that as a leader, if a member of your team is having an emotional outburst like cass, you cannot respond in kind. it sucks and it’s kind of unfair, but them’s the breaks.

in this situation, an Ideal Good Leader would a) perceive that this paranoid outburst is coming from a place of real concern, and b) respond to it with the intention of pulling out the underlying meaning. eg: “i see that you’re upset, and i’m trying to understand. what’s going on? / where’s your head at? / where is this coming from?”

in canon, rapunzel’s actual response is “come on, cass, listen to yourself,” which is an invalidating (and somewhat condescending) statement that makes cass feel unheard, so cass gets more upset. the situation escalates. by comparison, Ideal Good Leader’s statement directly acknowledges cassandra’s distress and invites her to explain her reasoning. this would help to lower cassandra’s anxiety (by showing her that her concerns are being heard), which would enable her to better articulate her real point.

thus, the emotional side of the argument is defused, and a productive conversation becomes possible. perhaps a compromise (such as stopping for a few minutes to recharge and have a quick meal) could be reached, or else rapunzel can do her own cost-benefit analysis of adira’s proposal versus cass’s and make a reasoned decision about what they should do. cass feels heard, no one’s feelings get hurt, and rapunzel makes her choice based on what she thinks the safest course of action is, instead of angrily defaulting to the opposite of what cassandra thinks they should do.

and thus, there’s no need for an “i’m going to be queen, i’ll make choices you don’t like, and i need you to be okay with that” conversation—because, in this scenario where rapunzel makes good, healthy use of her authority, cassandra wouldn’t leave this conflict feeling hurt. she isn’t upset, in canon, because raps didn’t do exactly what she said to do; she’s upset because she got shot down pretty brutally and she feels like rapunzel doesn’t value her insight, advice, or judgment. if rapunzel had given her the space to calm down, feel heard, and feel like she was allowed to contribute to the conversation re: what to do, i think cass would’ve truly been okay with whatever rapunzel ultimately decided to do.

but of course, rapunzel isn’t an Ideal Good Leader, she’s rapunzel, and she’s still in a place where she doesn’t grasp the full reality of her own authority, and she’s thinking of cassandra as her friend, not as her subordinate. so she escalates the situation by mistake and we get... what we get, in canon. cass ends up demoralized, their friendship is permanently damaged, and the battle with hector goes predictably badly, with cassandra sustaining a horrific, debilitating injury in the process. (this, btw, is fundamentally why rapunzel is at fault for cassandra’s injury. it’s not about the spear vs incantation decision; it’s about this decision, this disagreement, the way she handles this fight.)

and second... how is this framed by the narrative?

well... our first clear signal that we are not meant to see this as anything but rapunzel making a big mistake is that the show explicitly draws a parallel between her behavior here to gothel’s behavior at the beginning of tangled. in tangled, gothel screams “Enough with the lights, Rapunzel!” with the intention of shutting rapunzel down and browbeating her into submission. in RATGT, rapunzel screams “Enough, Cassandra!” because she’s frustrated and upset and cass is acting irrational—but the emotional effect this has on cassandra is the same as the emotional effect gothel’s calculated outburst had on rapunzel in tangled. it’s an abuse of authority in both cases. 

and on top of that, look at how the group reacts—not to cassandra’s outburst, but to rapunzel’s: 

they’re all shocked, unhappy, and uncomfortable, because this is... a shocking, upsetting, uncomfortable thing to witness. (have you ever been on the sidelines while your boss or a teacher singled out a coworker/fellow student to yell at them? yeah.) and when cassandra looks to them for support, none of them say anything... because rapunzel is the princess and if this is how she wants to handle this conflict then, well, that’s her prerogative and they’re just going to cringe and grimace on cassandra’s behalf instead of sticking up for her. 

and of course, no punches are pulled in illustrating how deeply this harms cassandra herself. we see how upset she is in the moment, we see how subdued she becomes when rapunzel comes to talk to her, we see the smile she forces when rapunzel signals that she isn’t interested in hearing cassandra’s feelings, and of course, this is what triggers “waiting in the wings,” which is a song all about cassandra’s pain—how she feels overlooked, neglected, unvalued, and unheard.

logistically speaking, this argument is a lot more complex than “cassandra right, rapunzel and adira wrong.” and emotionally, rapunzel’s reasons for reacting the way she does are perfectly understandable; it’s her first time ever dealing with a situation like this, she’s still muddling through leadership with no idea what she’s doing, and hearing cassandra call her “obliviously naive” was probably legitimately triggering because, hey, what did gothel always call her!

(though i tend to think that the point cass intended to make before raps cut her off was “what do you mean you can’t do that? are you so naive that you can’t see that you’re in charge? of course you can do that!” vs what i think rapunzel and a lot of the fandom took it as, ie cass saying rapunzel is naive for trusting adira. i like interpreting it that way because it dovetails so neatly with everything else happening in this argument re: rapunzel’s authority.)

but... despite this, the narrative expects us to sympathize with cass here. not because she’s right (her underlying concern is legitimate, but her argument as she presents it is... not right), not because her behavior is appropriate (it’s not), but rather because rapunzel’s leadership in this situation is terrible, exacerbates the conflict, and harms cassandra emotionally. 

and as for rapunzel’s growth into her role as leader, this... is kind of another queen for a day moment. in QFAD, rapunzel experiences a difficult choice for the first time: she is forced to weigh the plea of one person she has a personal relationship with against hundreds or thousands of people who are looking to her for leadership in a time of crisis. and in QFAD, she makes the hard, but right, choice by prioritizing the needs of the many. 

and in RATGT, rapunzel is introduced to another common type of crisis that leaders must be able to handle: an emotionally-fraught interpersonal conflict between two of her advisors which she, as the leader, must mediate. and unlike in QFAD, this time, rapunzel bungles it—and sees the consequences play out in vivid detail. RATGT is a vital learning experience for rapunzel. she couldn’t grow into the kind of leader she becomes over the course of s3 without making the mistake she makes in RATGT. and that’s why it just doesn’t make sense to say that this incident is rapunzel “coming into her authority”—because she’s not, she’s making a mess of things and then dealing with the messy, confusing, hurtful fallout of having done so.

[memoriashell]

hey i really like you ( can we go out? )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru, techincally some background Ishimaru / Oowada, Makoto gets a few lines, and Syo’s present for a bit in the begining.

crossposted on ao3

Notes: hello here's your late day five of @tokomaruweek​ week!! valentine's day prompt!!

the format for the texting section might look a little funky on tumblr since there’s no easy way of aligning right side / left side text but hopefully it’s obvious enough who’s texting what.

heads up i'll be skipping day 6 for now probably! i’ll come back to it when i’ve finished the rest of the week, i just might get stuck on it for a hot minute and i’d like to get the rest of the week out of the way first since i'm already behind.

anyways it's probably also noteworthy to mention that this drabble works on the basis you have a basic understanding of the cultural differences in how japan celebrates valentine's day. i was originally going to try and incorporate white day into this drabble instead of just mentioning it but i wasn’t super happy with how this one was turning out anyways and figured it was best to just get this out as it is!!

i also feel like i should clarify bc that i realize the way i characterize toko in everything this week has made it seems like she hates kiyotaka’s guts but honestly i think they’d be real close!! i really like them as two outsider kids who can relate to each other. they are two sides of the same narrative coin and in this essay i will /j anyways please understand she rags on him from a place of ( platonic ) LOVE. and also bc they r both my cc’s i could never be that mean to either of them. well. no meaner than canon is to them.

edit: forgot tws. nothing super huge bc it's mostly fluff, but it does refrence bullying ( although would you consider faked love confessions / etc as bullying? it's just cruel :( anyways. )

Summary:  valentine's day has never been good for ugly girls ( and hopeless romantics ) like her. 

Valentine's Day. Every girl’s least favorite day.

Or, well, at the very least, her least favorite. Uh, one of her least favorite holidays? Then again, it’s not like Touko really has a ‘favorite’ in the first place, so maybe her point is moot— but she’s getting side tracked here.

One would presume that a romantic like her, an author who writes romance for a living, would live for a holiday that's practically centered around love and romance, but they would be wrong. It’s a miserable reminder of a day for her who has practically been scorned by the idea of relationships. It is a bitter reminder of failed loves and societal norms that she’s never been able to meet.

( Ugly. Rude. Awkward. Unsociable. So what if they’re right? Who is she to tell them they’re wrong? )

If it is not for the fact that she is pretty sure Ishimaru will be at her door if she doesn’t show up, she would probably skip class today. Oh, to be a confident gay man on Valentine's Day and not a closeted lesbian who feels the need to meet heteronormative societal norms. It’s unfair because not only is he ( mostly ) unaffected by this kind of holiday, he’s probably one of the people who care the least about the delicate social intricacies ( and romanticism ) of a holiday like this one. If nothing else, so she can’t say she envies the position this puts Oowada in, because Ishimaru would probably just see this as a learning moment. Anyways before she sounds too envious of her peers for getting their shit together, she just wants it to be unknown that she thinks it’s really unfair that he would get to judge her reasons for wanting to skip school.

( Actually, if she fessed up the deep-seated issues related to why she’d rather not have to be present on a day like today, the last thing he’d do it judge but that’s not really something she wants to acknowledge right now )

Moving on.

Despite the fact that, internally, she is making a fuss about a holiday, she suspects that most of her class probably doesn’t really care about these things. That doesn't mean she feels any less pressured to conform. It’s not like any of them would want chocolates from someone like her anyways, so it’s not like she really needs to be worried...

It’s not the end of the world, stop being such a debbie downer! Syo butts in, ever so helpful. By which she means is very, very unwanted and unhelpful. All the same, they ( unfortunately ) have a point and if she has to put up with this shitty day then at the very least she’d like to have breakfast before someone sees fit to break down her door.

You technically don’t have to do anything. Syo sounds almost too enthusiastic to help with the ‘issue’ at hand.

Using you to escape my problems isn’t always a viable strategy. Touko rebukes. Nor is it a choice, usually.

Only because you try and make yourself as miserable as possible by making things worse for you.

She has nothing to say to that, and instead focuses on braiding her hair to be passably presentable.

“Fukawa-san?” Oh, what she wouldn’t give to not have to hear her name today. Granted, Touko doesn’t think hearing her name being called on any given day is usually a good sign, but it still feels too early in the day to willingly put up with anything and shoots a glare at Naegi, standing in front of her desk. It probably doesn’t help that he sounds nervous for some godforsaken reason, but that’s technically not out of the ordinary, and she’s pretty sure Syo has something to do with that. “Sorry, uh...I was going to try and catch you at your locker this morning, but I guess I must’ve missed you, huh?”

She gives him the most deadpan, withering stare she can muster at the moment as if to say obviously. She’d even turned up to class early because she figured that dealing with whoever else would be in class would be more manageable than having to deal with anything going on in the halls ( because Hope’s Peak is not a normal school and god knows if something can go wrong, it will, and she is not having any of it today ). She assumed that if she looked busy, anyone with any common sense would leave her alone, but Makoto is not the brightest, clearly.

It still kind of throws her for a loop, however, that he chooses to approach her today, of all days. If she were anyone else, or if this exchange happened in any other context, she is sure that him acting like this on Valentine's Day would seem like it was setting up for a love confession. If it weren’t for the fact that Naegi already had a partner so, that’s probably not an issue— not that that would be a theoretical issue, because hey it’s not like Naegi was likely to be the kind of person cruel enough to fake a love confession. That’s definitely not something that’s happened to Touko before and gotten her hopes up only to be horribly crushed and definitely not the reason she’s been particularly defensive today. Nope.

( Yeah, okay, she’s not fooling anyone, but thankfully the only one aware of this is herself. And Syo, but both of these things are clear givens )

It occurs to her that Naegi hasn’t said anything, waiting for her to say something to him, and she grits her teeth irritably. “Wh-What? Spit it out already.”

“Err...are you...” He starts to say something and then seems to think better of it, sheepishly ducking his head for a moment before holding a bag out to her. “Sorry. Komaru asked me to bring these to you. Kirigiri-san had to convince her to not try and sneak into the main building just to bring these to you herself.”

It takes a long minute for her to process what he says before snatching the bag from his grip and holding it close to herself. Friendship chocolates...? That’s probably what’s in the bag. Which is a pretty nice thought in itself— Touko doesn’t usually get gifts like this. It almost makes her not want to touch the bag and ruin the illusion, refrain from eat whatever’s in the bag: but honestly if she doesn’t, Syo will probably make sure to savor it, so she won’t even pretend like that’s an option.

( There’s a part of her that feels a little guilty too, that she hadn’t even considered that Komaru might do something like this and have something prepared for her in return, but if she’d made something and not gotten anything then she’d look like a fool, and it’s not like she would’ve been able to get it to her easily anyways, so she really shouldn’t feel guilty about accepting it, but— )

“I’m glad you like it. She was kind of worried about how you’d take it.” Naegi speaking breaks through her current train of thought and is he still standing here? Had she been stupidly smiling to herself? How embarrassing!

“It’s n-n-not like that...and what kind of person do, do you take me for, anyways...!” Well, if she had been showing any sort of positive emotion on her face, she isn’t anymore. Touko takes this as an opportunity to shove the bag into her book bag, before anyone can notice. For some reason, he looks vaguely disappointed. “I was...ugh, I was just th-thinking that it was surprising she’d trust you with it given the, the track record with how your l-luck turns out!”

Makoto opens his mouth to refute this but thank god someone calls his name from the doorway, and she takes that opportunity goes back to her books before he can try and say anything further to her.

touko-chan!!!!

makoto said he gave you my gift successfully so i know u got it

i think

i didn’t expect u to thank me or anything but it’d be nice

pls tell me u got it right

did u at least read the note i left in there for u

Does Komaru not have homework, or what? She could at least give her a few minutes to try and get a word in. It’s not her fault math is a bitch and Touko is too stubborn to maybe talk to one of her peers into explaining the subject to her.

                                                     Yes, by some miracle I did manage to get it.

                                                                                                             Thanks.

                                                                                        You’re a good friend.

                                                                                                               Sorry.

                                                                                         Is that all? I’m busy.

That is not all, apparently, because Komaru forgoes texting to call her directly. If it were anyone else, she’d ignore it; but since it’s her she figures she can probably talk and do math at the same time.

“So you didn’t check the bag at all?” Komaru speaks before she can even consider greeting her, and Touko rolls her eyes despite the fact that she cannot see it.

“Hello to y-you too. Uh…honestly, I shoved it in my bag earlier and...and haven’t checked on it since. I assumed it was j-j-just candy, and it’s probably safer hid from Syo there.”

“Ugh! I told Makoto to mention to you that I put something else in there. And there’s a box for Syo in there too!” She can practically hear her pouting through the phone line. “Well, uh— I guess that’s fine since you’re busy...? Just check it when you get the chance, okay? Please? I promise it’ll make sense.”

“I got it, I got it. I’ll take a break once I finish this up and check it out. Good enough for you?”

“Mhm! Thank you Touko-chan! I’ll let you go now, so you can focus. Bye!” If Touko wasn’t mistaken ( but probably is ), she sounded almost nervous, the way her words come out in one rushed breath.

Admittedly, now she’s too intrigued by whatever had Komaru pressed enough to make sure she was aware of it, and she doesn’t think she’ll be able to focus now, so...opening the bag it is. She grumbles and groans to herself for a moment, stretching as she gets up from her desk to grab her bag.

She hadn’t really noticed at the time, but now that she thinks about it, there’s some definite weight to this thing, more than she’d expect from some candies ( even now knowing that apparently Komaru had accounted for Syo as well ). Not much though, and she probably would’ve just passed it off for the box the sweet is stored in if she were to really think about it, but now she figures that’s probably not the case. Touko peeks inside the bag a little hesitantly— curiosity wins out over anxiety in the end, and spots what appears to be a small booklet along with a box of chocolates.

Oh god.

She braces herself because, this is probably some kind of manga if she knows Komaru and ( unfortunately ) not a mini-novella but otherwise has no idea what to expect. And once she opens it, she has to thank whatever higher being made sure Makoto didn’t say a thing to her about it because there’s absolutely no way she would have been able to keep a straight face if she’d looked at this in class.

One, she forgot how generally talented Komaru was at this type of stuff. Obviously, still room for improvement, but not nearly as bad as Touko would have thought. Two, this is not really a manga, but a fucking thinly veiled love confession, complete with the most casual ‘Hey I really like you, can we go out?’ Third, she’s extremely glad Komaru did not insist on being on the phone while she checked this out because she does not think she can coherently answer that right now.

In fact, it takes Touko a good half hour to calm herself down enough before she can even consider texting her a response. There’s no way she’s embarrassing herself any further by calling her about it, even if that might have been a more meaningful exchange, but like Komaru just confessed to her through manga so clearly they’re already past that point.

                                                                                                     You’re a dork.

                                           I hate that you’re using your talents for this though.

:)

thats not a no?

                                                                                                          Not a yes.

                         Very tempted to make it a no for making me suffer through this.

touko-chan;;;;;

be gentle to my poor heart if ur gonna reject me :(

                                                                                              Ugh. I was kidding.

                                                                                                      Yes you idiot.

                                                    Just don’t use manga for this stuff next time?

ok!!!!! :)

actually i promise nothing

lol sorry ♡

                                                                                                  You’re the worst.

hehehehehe >:)

i love you too!!

are you busy this week??

let’s meet up!!!

                                             Some of us care about our grades. As should you.

                                                            But Thursday and Friday are lighter days.

                                                                      Yeah yeah. I like you or something.

thank uuuuu ♡♡♡

She chews on her lip as she rereads the message and mulls over it as she tries to ignore the flip-flop of her stomach. It’ll be fine. She’ll just aim to have something planned out for White Day in return.

[sufinotions]

Mental Health

Everyone feels down, anxious and nervous from time to time dependable on the circumstances, most of the time it doesn’t get much attention for many people but a few people really suffer from it, they develop a mental illness which is a mental condition that how people think, feel and behave. Which is identified and defined in many ways. Such as depression, behavioral and emotional disorder, anxiety disorders, paranoia, eating disorders and many more on count. According to “world health organization WHO more than 264 million people of all age suffers from mental health with different conditions (depression & anxiety disorders)” this huge number raises a serious question mark. Everyone wants to enjoy a good life, but what if mental health is not stable to let you enjoy this privilege, that’s how many people out there are not able to live this good life despite of having all the quality standers of life, this is important to acknowledge mental health is condition and it has nothing with your social status que even the more materialistic the life is becoming the more mental health is clutching people.

Mental pressure leads to social anxiety and severe depression, which increases stress level therefore it’s a deep concern to look after it but unfortunately, people are not ready to accept it from family to society and on a social scale. Every person at any age goes through this severe mental illness, mostly students become the victim of it, while in tension between their academic life and the social circle they remain in a state of frustration which left a great mental misery. Which puts them in a stressful situation where they probably feel unconditional that lefts a severe psychological impact on their lives, during these harsh times students remain in a state of disturbance, feeling low, less interest, unhealthy routine, erupt sleep cycle and so on, this all just happen because of a single mental pressure ignored initially and which lead this huge impact. No one is really open on this topic it is considered as a private matter or personal concern, making a single person responsible to coupe it. Unfortunately, the poor or under progress countries are highly entail in it, from the economic conditions to lifestyle, health and education system all the basic assets associate to men really affects a person mentally, despite helping them to live a normal life it has become a fashion to hide mental issues against the social norms & system.

Health risks are increasing very rapidly with the increase in mental health, in a very busy life cycle people really ignore mental health until it affects their work or business most of the time it's kept hidden behind laughter and smile. People pretend to happy and, healthy at workplaces just because they don’t want to reveal how depressed they are! because they might will lose their job if they did so therefore it remain anonymous. While increasing in mental health, suicide rates are also increasing as per “WHO data 700,000 people die every year by suicide,” here it's thoughtful to lose such a massive number of people just because of ignoring mental health. Another serious question! As we know now almost all of us go through this sick problem and it's not something to happen just for once, it repentantly confronts a person but we pretend to be ignorant against it and try to ignore it, which is a big mistake. Surprisingly faking is another form to hide depression and avoid anxiety, a serious query rises here why this? People smile, laugh, and pretend among friends that they are happy but the white truth is hidden as always, it felts in loneness and isolation but while with public faking took front to keep it secret. It has become a fact and dark side of our society, we are like a coin living the same identity but having two faces, but seriously how long we will face it? Emotional and sensitive people can’t even bear this situation, some fade up and come up with ending their lives and some try a freaking suicidal attempt.

Why are we hopeless against this social norm, can’t we change it and save lives and minds? Let’s be a good human and urge to help friends who are facing a serious mental issue, don’t misunderstand them recognize them, and help them. at community levels awareness programs and rehabilitation centers should be encouraged to help people, at government level work hours shall be reduced, entertainment at workplaces is necessary to make minds fresh, work morals and friendly behaviors should encourage. There are countries out there that have very few mental health issues, inspiring policies can be imitated from them and implement in societies to improve quality of life. WHO has designed a campaign with the name of (world mental health day) celebrated every year on 10th of October to enlighten the importance of life and impacts of mental health, every year they come up with new ideas to give awareness among people and realize them the importance of mental health.

Mental health is a serious threat to human lives and it’s understandable with collective and mutual efforts, from a root level to high risks. With the help of WHO running international health campaigns can be helpful/positive to reduce mental health issues (depression & anxiety disorders). It’s possible for countries to improve the quality of life make their people happy as much as they can, there are countries like Finland, Bhutan, and Denmark with a very low mental health crisis, other nations can imitate their living policies in their respective countries. It’s important to talk about it and make it visible that lives should not suffer rather enjoy the privilege.

[tiramisiyu]

【未定事件簿】Tears of Themis: Main Story 5-35 Translation

--

Translated parts: Chapter 5 – Sounds of Falling Snow (Part 1, 2, 3): 5-1 / 5-3 / 5-5 / 5-7 / 5-9 / 5-11 / 5-13 ♦️ ♦️  5-14 / 5-16 / 5-18 / 5-20 / 5-22 / 5-24 / 5-26 / 5-28 ♦️ ♦️ 5-29 / 5-31 / 5-33 / 5-35 / 5-37 / 5-39 / 5-40 / 5-42 / 5-43

Translation Masterlist: here

Video: (28:22) https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV15a4y1j7CW?

CEO’s Office

At 10:00 AM, the Stellis News Website chief editor, Liu Hao, arrived at Pax Financial Group’s headquarters.

Though Pax’s CEO was definitely a prominent figure, Liu Hao had met with people all over the world. He didn’t feel any caution.

Liu Hao: CEO Lu, hello.

Lu Jinghe: Chief Editor Liu has arrived. Please sit.

Lu Jinghe: What does Chief Editor Liu want to drink? Wen Chen, prepare something for our guest.

Liu Hao: No need, no need, CEO Lu is too courteous.

Lu Jinghe: That’s fine then, my time is tight, so I won’t be polite with you. Let’s talk about serious matters.

Lu Jinghe: Pax is currently considering fourth-quarter advertising circulation. We want to work with more stylish media.

Lu Jinghe: Traditional platforms tend to conform too much with social norms. They don’t match Pax’s determination to be enterprising with innovation.

Lu Jinghe: Recently, I saw the Stellis News Website’s interview with Heirson general manager Qin Shan, and felt that your platform is pretty good.

Lu Jinghe: I was wondering if Chief Editor Liu has any intentions to collaborate.

Liu Hao: Your words really are too courteous. It would be our pleasure to collaborate with Pax.

Lu Jinghe: I heard the media department’s people reported that Stellis News Website’s gold-level advertising space has already been booked for Heirson?

Liu Hao: Heirson’s collaboration with us should be ending this month.

Liu Hao: If Pax has the intention to, you can bid against Heirson for the position in the fourth quarter.

Lu Jinghe: I thought Chief Editor Liu was an educated person. Compared to doing business with sales and purchases, you must be more of an expert in creating writing.

Lu Jinghe: I didn’t think that you also have such skill in calculation.

Seeming to have been alerted that Lu Jinghe was unhappy, Liu Hao was slightly agitated, his smiling expression slightly stiff. 

Liu Hao: Bidding is a typical process. Though I am the chief editor of Stellis News Website, some things aren’t up to me.

Lu Jinghe: That is true. When discussing business, one indeed should not seek the chief editor to do so.

Lu Jinghe: In fact, discussing business was just secondary when I specially invited you here today.

Liu Hao: Then you are…?

Lu Jinghe: Pax Financial Group has continuously been rapidly expanding our biopharmaceuticals. In the recent two years, we’ve been looking at Heirson with the intention of buying shares.

Lu Jinghe: I’ve looked up all the business’s information that I need to look up – but I’m the kind of person who looks more at the person themselves when seeking to collaborate with them. 

Lu Jinghe: So I wanted to find you, Chief Editor Liu, to understand this Qin Shan person. 

Lu Jinghe: If Chief Editor Liu can help me with this, then naturally, Pax will not find another platform for our advertisements.

Liu Hao: Qin Shan and I actually do have some private interactions. Otherwise, with his business so busy every day, how could I have made an appointment for an interview?

Liu Hao: CEO Lu, feel free to ask about whatever you want to understand.

Lu Jinghe: Last year, that water pollution matter of Heirson stirred up a fairly large amount of trouble. At that time, I didn’t pay attention, and I heard that it got to the point of a lawsuit.

Lu Jinghe: Apparently it was a reporter from your news site who wrote a falsified news article slandering others. What exactly was the situation with this matter?

Lu Jinghe: If Heirson really has a record of environmental pollution, then Pax will definitely not work with them.

Liu Hao: You’re asking about this matter.

When it involved his own platform’s “scandal”, Liu Hao was somewhat awkward.

Liu Hao: For this matter, Heirson really was innocent. Those two news reports were falsified by one of the reporters on our platform, Kong Moli.

Liu Hao: In that case, it was clearly Rainbow River Village’s paper mill that polluted the water. But if we were to report that, this kind of news wouldn’t attract much attention.

Liu Hao: Kong Moli just wanted to garner views, so she deliberately wrote that the source of the pollution came from the Heirson’s laboratory.

Liu Hao: Ah, it was also that my reviews weren’t strict. From the beginning I really thought that she had dug up major news…

Lu Jinghe: So it was like this all along.

Lu Jinghe: To be able to have Heirson, a large company, litigate a little reporter - looks like this matter created large losses for Heirson at the time.

Lu Jinghe: But I saw on the financial reports that last year, in the third quarter, Heirson’s profits were increasing rapidly. This sure is strange.

Liu Hao: Though looking at it at that time, it was a scandal that negatively impacted the company’s reputation, it still let more people know about Heirson.

Liu Hao: This is also the use of us media. When one report comes out, sometimes it’s very hard to say whether it’s bad luck or a blessing.

Lu Jinghe: I saw that at the beginning of fourth quarter last year, Heirson started to work with you in depth.

Lu Jinghe: Looking at it like this, that Kong Moli was basically generating income for your platform.

Lu Jinghe: Chief Editor Liu, you must remember to give her a promotion.

Liu Hao looked surprised. It was clear that he hadn’t thought that Lu Jinghe would actually arrive at this kind of conclusion.

Liu Hao: Does CEO Lu not know? Kong Moli is already dead.

Lu Jinghe: How could I have known. What happened to her? Sickness, or an accident?

Liu Hao: It was an accident. She got in a car crash.

Lu Jinghe: I heard that being in a media occupation makes it very easy to get people to remember and hate you, to invite retaliation.

Lu Jinghe: If she was all fine and well, how could she have gotten into a car crash? Could it be from Heirson…

Liu Hao: No no, CEO Lu, you’re overthinking. Heirson did sue Kong Moli for causing harm to their commercial reputation, but they just defended their rights as needed.

Liu Hao: Even if there were people who wanted to get revenge, it would be that witness called Qiu Heng who would want revenge. 

Lu Jinghe: Qiu Heng? Who?

Liu Hao: He’s a researcher who does environmental evaluations. Kong Moli paid up to have him make a fake report to frame Heirson.

Liu Hao: This matter was noticed by Heirson’s lawyers. Qiu Heng retracted his testimony in trial, so the court judged that Kong Moli had lost the case.

Lu Jinghe: Then why would this Qiu Heng hurt Kong Moli? It doesn’t make sense.

Liu Hao: I wouldn’t know about this.

Liu Hao: I guessed it was Qiu Heng because the platform’s office building garage monitoring system shot him on camera.

Liu Hao: Before Kong Moli got in the accident, Qiu Heng had appeared in the area around the car. The security guard even specially made a report to upstairs. 

Liu Hao: Although, at that time – maybe it was because he noticed the security cameras – Qiu Heng didn’t do anything before leaving.

Liu Hao: This is what I foolishly pondered after I heard that Kong Moli had died from a car accident.

Lu Jinghe: You knew there was someone who was conspiring illegally against Kong Moli, yet you didn’t warn her?

Lu Jinghe suddenly stopped smiling. His whole body changed demeanor, exuding an imposing manner.

Liu Hao was subsequently confused, but he still unconsciously became agitated.

Liu Hao: Th-this… Because of the fake news, at that time the platform already planned to expel Kong Moli, so…

Lu Jinghe: Expelled because of fake news. Hah.

Lu Jinghe: We won’t talk first about whether the Rainbow River water’s pollution really was related to Heirson. First, you can explain this picture.

Wen Chen, who was holding a file folder and standing on the side, placed a photo in front of Liu Hao after he heard Lu Jinghe’s words.

This photo seemed to be from an automatic road monitor. The time that the picture was taken was last year, August 30.

In the picture, Liu Hao and Qin Shan were standing at the doorway of a high-level meeting, chatting very happily.

Outside of the foreground, a white SUV was parked on the roadside. The license plate number could be clearly seen.

Liu Hao: …

Lu Jinghe: VD3F046. You must recognize this car.

Liu Hao: I don’t recognize it…

Lu Jinghe: This is Kong Moli’s car!

Lu Jinghe: You simultaneously took Qin Shan’s money and waited for Kong Moli’s lawsuit results.

Lu Jinghe: If Kong Moli won the case then Stellis News Website’s reputation would be great. Naturally, you wouldn’t be short on benefits.

Lu Jinghe: If Kong Moli lost, and Qin Shan won…

Lu Jinghe: Then even if it’s for media PR, Heirson will still spend even more money on Stellis News Website, or on you.

Lu Jinghe: Earlier, what I said about Chief Editor Liu having skill in calculation was right.  You really were benefitting from both sides, profiting without loss.

Liu Hao: I, I…

Lu Jinghe: But this kind of matter can be done but not said. If this were spread out for everyone to know, then your name can be considered destroyed.

Lu Jinghe: But so unfortunately, your meeting with Qin Shan was noticed by Kong Moli.

Lu Jinghe: Using the accusation of “making up falsified news” to expel Kong Moli, having Kong Moli lose her believability, was just the first step.

Lu Jinghe: Did you also think about having Kong Moli get into a little accident and completely disappearing from this world?

Lu Jinghe: You didn’t tell Kong Moli that someone had tampered with the car, to have someone else do the dirty work for you and reap the benefits after.

Liu Hao: Lu Jinghe, do not spit blood at others!

Lu Jinghe: Spit blood at others? Are you even suited to use this phrase?

Lu Jinghe: The matters that you yourself have spit blood at others over – are they few?

Lu Jinghe: Exactly whether Kong Moli was making up false news – were you really not sure?

Lu Jinghe: Alright, let’s go back one step – you really did believe that what Kong Moli said was false.

Lu Jinghe: Then, should you not apologize to and pay compensation to Heirson, as a company whose commercial reputation was harmed due to your platform’s news reports?

Lu Jinghe: When you took Qin Shan’s money, did you not feel guilty?

Lu Jinghe: Making use of the effect that media has on the masses, ignoring the truth for your personal gain! What face have you to call yourself a news worker!

Lu Jinghe tossed the file folder from Wen Chen’s hands, letting it fall on the coffee table. The documents inside were shaken out. 

They were Liu Hao’s expenditure records at the luxury goods shop under Pax’s banner. The total amount of expenditures exceeded Liu Hao’s annual income by far.

Lu Jinghe: Liu Hao, have you declared the luxury goods that you bought with this money as taxable?

Lu Jinghe: If I were to continue to investigate, would I be able to find out that the source of this money is Heirson’s or Qin Shan’s personal bank account?

Frozen stiff, Liu Hao sat on the sofa. Cold sweat rolled off his forehead.

He was trembling. He didn’t dare to look at those documents, and he didn’t dare to respond to Lu Jinghe’s questions.

Lu Jinghe: Liu Hao, I can tell you now with certainty that I did not call you here today as Pax’s executive CEO.

Lu Jinghe: I am Kong Moli’s friend. I will investigate into clarity exactly how she died.

Liu Hao: But CEO Lu, I really did not harm her.

Lu Jinghe: Yes, you indeed did not participate in the murder. You are just a bystander of this murder case.

Lu Jinghe: You ignored it, indulged in the event of this murder case. You even enjoyed the resulting benefits.

Liu Hao: I, I…

Lu Jinghe: Indeed, the legal system has no way of convicting you, but this does not mean that you will not pay the price for this.

Lu Jinghe: I will send this evidence to the Stellis News Website’s Board of Directors.  You can experience the things you once did to Kong Moli.

Lu Jinghe: But what will be different is that no one will help you right any wrongs.

--

Stellis City Police Station

After meeting with Qiu Heng, I went straight to see Wang Han.

Having gone through a night of trouble, Wang Han was far from having the dignity from yesterday, when we first met.

After seeing me, none of that exaggerated fake laughter appeared again.

MC: Wang Han, you…

I was about to start asking when Lu Jinghe’s message was sent over.

“Stellis News Website chief editor Liu Hao did receive Heirson’s money, but he didn’t participate in Kong Moli’s murder.”

“I found out about something interesting. You might be able to use it – check out your inbox.”

MC: (We can exclude Liu Hao from the list of suspects’ names…)

If one doesn’t break the law, can we truly say that they are innocent?

This kind of thought flashed in my head, but at this moment, I didn’t have the strength to mull this hard question over… 

I opened the inbox, noticing that what Lu Jinghe had sent over was Heirson’s detailed financial report.

In the contents, Wang Han’s name was written impressively among the dividend details. Plus, this dividend was from before three years ago!

MC: (Though compared to other shareholders, Wang Han’s dividend can be disregarded…)

MC: (But his name being on here is sufficient to indicate problems!)

[Got Heirson’s Dividend Details!]

[beforetheflowers]

Poinsettia

SPNAdventCalendar2020 prompt: day 13, poinsettia

Read complete on AO3!

Ok, I’m a little late with this, but here we go. Read the first half below the cut!

Hunters might not get paid for doing their jobs, but it was not uncommon to receive gifts of appreciation. These gifts ranged from invitations to sit down for a home-cooked meal, boxes of snacks and drinks, a good bottle of scotch, gift cards to restaurants… actually, the gifts took the form of food quite often. 

It was curious, this human impulse to show their love by feeding each other. Taking care of each other’s most basic need, giving the blessing of not needing to worry about where the next meal was coming from. 

Though angels did not, as a rule, feel hunger, Castiel understood it intimately. He’d been human quite a few times in the last decade, and he knew the dull ache that could only be filled by sinking his teeth into something delicious.   

Of course, Castiel made a point of breaking heaven’s rules. He never told Dean this, but occasionally he would fly out into a field or forest and let his grace drain into the Earth, depleting his own power so that he could become something close to human. It wasn’t easy to do in winter; someone would probably get suspicious if a grove of trees suddenly sprouted greenery under their blankets of snow, but he made it work. 

Let’s just say that a particular river in Kansas was full of incredibly vigorous fish, and leave it at that.

Draining his power in that way allowed Castiel to experience mortality with Dean. His vessel aged, so subtly that Dean hadn’t even noticed yet, but Cas was determined to grow old with him. They had their eternal youth to look forward to in the afterlife. 

It also allowed him to feel human drives; hunger, thirst, desire, pain. All the risks and rewards of freedom.  

Castiel also felt that taking care of the Earth was a proper angelic duty. He wasn’t interested in being an agent of fate, or a tool in Chuck’s arsenal. But blessing the Earth with life gave him great joy and contentment in his role as an angel. His grace was a gift he could give to wild things. 

So, although Castiel understood humanity’s gift-giving impulse on a personal level, he found it quaint and charming nevertheless. In times of hardship, humans reached out for each other instead of turning away, they gave more generously instead of less. Despite the flaws of their species, Castiel believed they were good at their core. He wasn’t sure he could say the same about angels.

The winter holidays seemed to motivate humans to give more than any other season. Perhaps it was simply the darkness and lack of plant growth in winter that pushed them to share resources, but… they took care of each other.

Cas was, however, sometimes baffled at their choice of gifts. 

One day in late November, he had gone grocery shopping while Dean was at work and had seen rows and rows of tiny replicas of popular fictional characters, stuffed animals in unnatural colors, pink models of kitchens, and even boxes of toys that weren’t assembled yet. How any of these objects helped humans survive winter, Cas didn’t know. 

Musing about the nature of humanity along the ends of the toy aisles, he had walked past a little red creature that started singing at him. He finished his shopping quickly after that. 

Also in November, Cas had received another bewildering gift from a family he had saved from a poltergeist. Dean had been at work again when Cas heard a strange report on the police scanner; officers had responded to a call about a strange man smashing up the neighbor’s house while everyone was out. 

When they had arrived, they found all the doors and windows closed and locked. Inside was indeed smashed up; the dining table was broken down the middle, stuffing was ripped from the couches, glass littered the floor from shattered picture frames and ceramic decorations. There was nobody in the house.

The mom left work right away after the cops notified her, and - Cas perused the subsequent report - she had mentioned instances of paintings falling off the walls, doors slamming, furniture being moved, but nothing close to the destruction of that day. The police had chalked it up to a very clever home invader and told the family to invest in a better security system. 

A security system wouldn’t work against a poltergeist, if indeed that was what the family was dealing with. 

Cas packed a duffle bag with ghost-hunting paraphernalia and teleported to the end of the family’s driveway. The family had been unwilling to trust him at first - apparently, they didn’t appreciate blunt honesty - but when the sun went down and the poltergeist started hurling knives around the kitchen, they welcomed Cas back inside, where he made quick work of the poltergeist. 

As it turned out, they had recently purchased a painting of a sunset from a charity auction. All seemed normal until Cas tore off the paper backing, revealing the signature of the painter; it was not created by some local artist as the family had assumed, but by someone who went down in history as a serial killer. The alizarin crimson was fortified with actual human blood, and the victim had become a restless spirit, tethered to the painting and unable to rest. 

Cas burned the painting and the spirit finally moved on. In their gratitude, the family had insisted he take home the apple pie that had been cooling on the counter and shoved a plant into his hands. Arms full of ghost-hunting equipment and the family’s generous gifts, Cas left, waiting until he reached the cover of shadows before teleporting home. 

The pie was a good gift because it made sense. Food. And a dessert at that, a delectable treat. Dean especially would like it. But the plant?

It had broad red leaves with tiny yellow blooms in the center. The lower leaves were dark green. A poinsettia. 

The Aztecs had cultivated this plant for its usefulness as medication and dye, but surely the family didn’t expect him to use it for those purposes. Of course, Cas knew about its association with Christ. Legend held that an angel encouraged a girl in Mexico to give a gift, no matter how plain, for Christ’s birthday. She gathered a bouquet of roadside weeds, but when she placed them on the altar, they became the blazing red, star-shaped leaves of the poinsettia. 

Cas had no idea which angel had performed that particular miracle, but it sounded on-brand for the heavenly host. Most angels only helped humanity when it served the glory of the Lord. Or maybe Cas was just a cynic. 

Either way, it didn’t explain why the family had given him one. They didn’t know he was an angel, right? The plant symbolized sacrifice, success, happiness, or purity; was it perhaps a wish that he would experience one of these? He’d take success or happiness, but he’d sacrificed far too much already, and he was so far beyond purity that it was almost a joke. 

Dean was already home when Cas, bypassing the struggle of opening the door with his hands full, teleported into the kitchen. 

“Hello, Dean.”

Flinching mightily, Dean nearly flipped the contents of the pan straight onto the floor. He chuckled weakly when he saw who it was. “Jesus Christ, man. Could you try knocking first, or something?”

“My hands were full,” Cas explained, finally setting everything down. He put the pie and the plant on the table and returned the duffle bag back to its place in the basement before returning to Dean. 

The smell that pervaded the house was wonderful; garlic and rosemary under the scent of sizzling steak. Cas’s stomach growled, and he realized he hadn’t eaten since yesterday. It was easy for an angel to lose track of such things, but Dean always took care of him. 

“Have a glass of wine,” Dean said, handing him a cab sauv. He leaned his back against the counter, watching Cas and his cooking at the same time. “Tell me about your day, baby.” 

Cas told him about the poltergeist and the gratitude of the family. “I don’t understand why they gave me this plant,” he ended the story, brushing one soft, red leaf between his fingertips.  

“What do you mean? It’s a poinsettia.” 

“Yes. It’s a holy symbol that often represents the crucifixion in the Western, Christian tradition. Why would they want to remind me of that? It was a horrible event, really. A man died.”    

Dean gave him that look, half exasperation, half amusement, that usually meant Cas had failed to understand some social norm. “People always give each other poinsettias around Christmas. It doesn’t really have any deep symbolic meaning these days, it’s just pretty to look at.”

Well, that was certainly true. It was a vibrant little thing, with plush crimson leaves and yellow center, like it was both reaching out for the sun and reflecting it deep within. Cas could feel the life buzzing inside it, drawing water and nutrients from the soil and exhaling oxygen through its broad leaves. 

It was a good gift, he decided with a little smile. 

But that wasn’t the end of it... 

[arcticdementor]

Kayfabe is a treasured part of pro wrestling culture. Kayfabe refers to the commitment of everyone involved (the wrestlers, the refs, the announcers, and to a certain degree the fans) to maintaining the shared fiction that pro wrestling matches are unscripted. (Wrestling is real, in the sense that the athletes are taking real punishment and risk really getting hurt, and there is a degree of improvisation, but the outcomes are predetermined.) Kayfabe has had a kind of mythical importance to many in the pro wrestling community: you keep kayfabe no matter what, even in the event of serious injury, out of a sense of sacred commitment. Crucial to understanding kayfabe is that it is not an attempt to deceive the audience. Modern wrestling is in some ways perfectly open about the scripted nature of the matches. Fooling people is not the point. If every fan signed an affidavit saying they knew the outcomes were predetermined the wrestlers would still keep kayfabe, out of commitment to the culture. Kayfabe is a mutually-approved illusion. It is artifice, but it is mutually agreed upon artifice, a consensual fantasy.

Our current political culture is kayfabe.

The illusion that we pretend to believe is that we are in some sort of uniquely politically fertile moment for progressivism and social justice, that we are experiencing a social revolution or “Great Awokening.” Further, we keep kayfabe by acting as if we believe that certain policies like police abolition or abolishing border enforcement (or if you prefer utterly meaningless sloganeering, “abolishing ICE”) are tangibly viable in anything like the near future. I say that these are kayfabe to emphasize my belief that most people who endorse these beliefs are well aware that they are not true, and to underline the sense in which the commitment to unreality is mutual, an expression of a strange kind of social contract. Most thinking adults comprehend the current moment and understand that the hand of establishment power and the influence of social inertia are as strong as ever. (Why would you feel otherwise?) But because people have understandably been moved by recent righteous calls for justice, they feel they must accept the fiction of a new awakening to show solidarity with the victims of injustice. This is emotionally understandable, but strategically counterproductive. And indeed one thing that has defined these new social movements is their relentless commitment to the emotional over the strategic.

…

Living in a culture of political kayfabe is a strange experience. It feels the way that, I imagine, it feels to live under a truly authoritarian government, where you’re constantly having exchanges where everyone involved knows that what they’re saying is bogus but you push right through the cognitive dissonance with a smile on your face. Only you’re not compelled by the fear of torture or imprisonment but of vague-but-intense social dictates, of the crucial priority of appearing to be the right kind of person. So often political conversations today have this dual quality where you feel forced to constantly evaluate what your interlocutor actually believes even as propriety compels you to take seriously what’s coming out of their mouth.

A major negative consequence of our commitment to kayfabe lies in our acceptance of behaviors we would ordinarily never accept, under the theory that this is such a special time, we need to shut up and go along with it. Take our broken discourse, as frequently discussed in “cancel culture” debates. My experience and my intuition tell me that almost everyone in the progressive/left/socialist world knows that our discourse norms and culture are totally fucked up. Trust me: most people in liberal spaces, Black and white, male and female, trans and cis, most certainly including people in academia and media, are well aware that we’ve entered into a bizarre never-ending production of The Crucible we can’t get out of. They’re probably just as sick of Woko Haram as I am.

But they’re either empowered and enriched by this state of affairs, and don’t want the party to end, or they’re holding on for dear life trying not to get their lives ruined for speaking out of turn. Look past self-interest and self-preservation and you’ll find that everybody knows that the way left spaces work now is horribly broken and dysfunctional. The problem is that thinking people who would ordinarily object don’t because they’ve been convinced that this is some sort of special moment pregnant with progressive potential, and that is more important than rights, compassion, or fairness. So we maintain a shared pretense that things are cool the way you go through the motions on an awful date where you’re both aware you’ll never see each other again.

If I say “cancel culture,” normies indeed don’t know what I’m talking about, because they are healthy, adjusted people with a decent set of priorities who value their own time and lives too much to get caught up in all of this horseshit. But if I say “cancel culture” in front of a bunch of politics-obsessed professional-class shitlibs they will pretend to not know what I’m talking about. They’ll put on a rich fucking show. They do an impression of Cletus from The Simpsons and go “cancel culture?!? Hyuck hyuck what’re that? I’m not knowing cancel culture, I’m just a simple country lad!” These are people who have read more about cancel culture in thinkpieces than I read about any topic in a year. But pretending you don’t know what cancel culture is happens to be a key part of the performance, a naked in-group signifier, so they pretend. The “I don’t know what cancel culture is” bullshit performance is kayfabe at its most infuriating. I know you know what cancel culture is because you’re currently using it to demonstrate your culture positioning by pretending you don’t know what it is. You fucking simpleton.

People say and do weird shit and it’s all wrong but you just pretend like it isn’t. Who wants to be the one caught making waves? When you’re in a group of people and someone engages in something patently ridiculous - when, for example, someone says “AAVE” in an ordinary social situation with no academic or political reason to use jargon, even though everyone there knows the phrase “the way Black people talk” is more elegant, useful, and true - and the moment passes and there’s this inability to look each other in the eye, when everybody starts studying their drink and clearing their throat, that’s life under kayfabe.

Getting to this is not normal. It’s not a healthy state of affairs. It can only happen when people come to believe that self-preservation requires pretending things are OK.

…

It is at this point that people say that “defund” does not mean “abolish,” which is true, and Defund the Police indeed does not mean “abolish the police.” Defund the police means nothing, now, though I’m sure that the people who started using it had noble intentions. At this point it’s a floating signifier, an empty slogan that people rallied around with zero understanding of what semantic content it could possibly contain. If it’s meant to be a radical demand, why use the vocabulary of an actuary? If it’s meant to mean a meaningful but strategic drawdown of resources, why use it interchangeably with “abolish”? I cannot imagine a more comprehensive failure of basic political messaging than Defund the Police. Amateur hour from beginning to end.

I take the political concept of alternatives to policing seriously, in the same way I take many political ideas seriously that are not likely achievable in my lifetime. I know there are deeply serious people who are profoundly committed to these principles and who have thought them through responsibly. I appreciate their work and become better informed from what they say. But their ideas did not reign last year. A faddish embrace of a thoughtless caricature of police abolition reigned, pushed with maximum aggression and minimal introspection by the shock troops of contemporary progressive ideas, overeducated white people with more sarcasm than sense.

Policing will not end tomorrow or next month or next year. And whoever you are, reading this, you are well aware of that fact. The odds of police abolition in any substantial portion of this country are nil. Indeed, I would say that the likelihood of meaningful reduction in policing in any large region of this country, whether measured by patrolling or funding or manpower, is small. Individual cities may reduce their police forces by a substantial fraction, and I suspect that they will not suddenly devolve into Mega-City One as a result. (Though I can’t say initial data in this regard is encouraging.) I hope we learn important lessons about intelligent and effective police reform and more sensible resource allocation from those places. But the vast majority of cities will not meaningfully change their policing budgets, due to both the legitimate lack of political will for such a thing - including in communities of color - and broken municipal politics with bad incentives.

…

Living under kayfabe makes you yearn for plainspoken communication, for letting the mask fall. The professed inability of progressives to understand why woke-skeptical publications like this one keep succeeding financially is itself a slice of kayfabe. They know people are paying for Substacks and podcasts and subscribing to YouTubes and Patreons because it’s exhausting to constantly spend all of your time pretending things that don’t make sense make sense, pretending that you believe things you don’t to avoid the social consequences of telling the truth.

When you’re someone who spent the past several decades arguing that the American university system is not hostile to conservative students, that it doesn’t try to force extremely contentious leftist views onto students, and then you watch this video, how do you react? I think many people, most people, even most people committed to the BLM cause, see that video and wince. That is not how we get there. Browbeating 20 year olds for not parroting your politics back at you is not how racial justice gets advanced. But if you’re caught in this moment, how do you object? Acknowledge that, yes, in fact, it is now plainly the case that many professors see it as their job to forcefully insist on the truth of deeply controversial claims to their students, berating them until they acquiesce? Well that would be an unpleasant conversation with the other parents when you pick up your kid from Montessori school. So you just choose not to see, or keep you mouth shut, or speak in a way that maintains the illusion.

I mean there is the absurdity of what she’s saying to contend with - the now fairly common view that policing was literally invented in the antebellum South purely to enforce slavery, because in ancient Rome if someone came in your house and stole your stuff you’d just be like “oh damn, that sucks.” Is there a relationship between modern policing and slavery? Of course. Does the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow infect modern policing at every point? Sure. Should we make political and policy decisions that recognize that historical influence on policing, especially given the racist reality of policing right now? Yes. But what good does it do anyone to pretend that the concept of “the police” is 250 years old? Why on earth would we get the correct shit we do believe tangled up with this bizarre shit we don’t believe? (The professor in that video does not herself honestly believe the police were invented to support African slavery in 18th and 19th century America.) Because this utterly ahistorical idea is being promulgated by people who claim to speak from a position of justice, we are forced to assign seriousness to it that it hasn’t earned, seriousness that it could never deserve. Because we live in a world of mutual delusion. Because of kayfabe.

…

And the fact that some will wrinkle their noses about this piece and its arguments, go about their days of progressive performance art, and pretend they don’t believe every word they just read? That’s kayfabe, my friend. That’s kayfabe. And we’re trapped in it, all of us, you and I. You know it’s all bullshit. Will you keep the code anyway? I’m willing to bet that the answer is yes.

[iammanishk]

What Is Suggested If You Believe In Manifestation

There isn't an easy trick to answer this question. It isn’t an easy way to roll out the solution either. But not impossible though ! Yes that’s what I personally feel about manifestation. It surely works. Not only it works it change your life completely. The process transform to change the attitude of your perception.

And at this very conspicuous Saturn Jupiter conjunction we need to understand the science behind manifestation, which ain't as easy as we often think. It isin't an analogy to be rolled out by just rehearsing a video or navigating plethora of articles from under sea bed of Google.

If we want to learn the “art of manifestation“ first and foremost we need to understand Mother Nature. What are we made up of ? What is this universe made up of ?

Why because the entire universe is within us, and we seek to implement by using the ocean which we significantly contribute and affect in some way or the other.

Don’t feel to be lonely; the entire universe is within you. All the nine planets, all the hidden infinite potential within us. We live in our own bubble, to understand universe, is about self discovery. In essence the entire universe is within us. This is where we apply the tools of meditation to Unravel, Unlock, Unfold the hidden potential within ourself and awaken the dormant potential within ourself , which is in dormant state since many of our own lives.

So for those who think that manifestation is just a trick to be fiddle with. Humble request take a pause and quit. Because there isn’t an easy path to follow. Yet no rocket science either !

Whenever we want to create something, we run into the world. We invest in stock market, in gold, in real estate, etc.

My guru always say “ What is that you want ? “ Be specific, be clear, before you actually begin to roll out the blue print.

But, wait ! Whether we had ever thought ; what all we want to create ? But we all want to create ! And we create only matter. Right ?

Path towards manifestation.

Now, if we only create matter. Then what matter is made up of ? All the matter is made up of energy; and in turn energy is made up of vibrations.

So, now one thing is getting clear in our mind that to create a matter we need to create positive vibrations only.

What we're as a physical body is just the tip of iceberg. We've infinite potential which is lying in the dormant form. Every human is not single; is a community of 55 trillion cells; every cell has the mind of its own. Just imagine 55 trillion mind is working within our body. And every living cell has its own memory, which is much more than 8GB. So, now we need to understand what we're. A HUGE hidden potential. Each of us are a dormant Hanuman.

Now if we have understood the basic fact, we need to understand the flavour of ourself. The flavour of our consciousness, which affects our outer world ; which affects the creation of matter.

The people of outer world relate with the flavour of our consciousness. Our inner world is influencing our outer world.

Few people attracts love and respect from their outer world easily.This doesn't happen with everyone. Isn't it? Right ! This is the power of our real world, the realm of consciousness.

Actual game starts from the realm of our inner world. We can easily judge the flavour of our inner world, by just truthfully watching the behaviour from the people of outer world. Experience of outer world influencing our inner world and the believe and flavour of our inner world influencing the flavour of outer world. Your life is unfolding within you, moment to moment and event by event..

But according to the law of quantum physics “you're the creator of your own destiny”

Now let us try to understand.

What is subconscious mind ?

Subconscious mind is a rich field, an ocean full of natural resources, wealthy minerals,sources governing your conscious mind. It is a concentrated field of natural intelligence.

It doesn’t throw any logic, any reasoning. Whatever you say it immediately creates it. It follows your instructions very easily

What is conscious mind ?

The life in conscious mind requires nutrients for survival, which is supplied from subconscious mind.

Subconscious mind send stimulus package to conscious mind where thousands of thought process is going on. When our conscious mind give proper yielding direction to our thoughts, we manifest matter.

When conscious mind merges with subconscious mind, at this very state whatever you visualize, it manifest. the power of mind.

When you’re in very intense emotional state you tend to program your subconscious mind.

Our ancient Yogi’s have stated that we have three state of consciousness

Waking

Dreaming

Sleeping

All three are connected to conscious mind, and it is just 4% of the power of the mind.

Fourth state is the Turia State, which has 96% mind power. This state of consciousness is connected to subconscious mind. And this state is achieved through regular practice of meditation power.

So, now the practice of “Goal Manifestation” it boils down to our thoughts. The collective power of our thoughts. Whatever you sow in your subconscious field knowingly or unknowingly the same same you will reap. If you sow seeds of thorns the same you would grow on your soil.

The universe is made up of consciousness,and from the same consciousness there are five factors which affects our individual consciousness.

How do we successfully be on the path of manifestation.

The argument to the quest start. To manifest we need to be very specific and particular on the following.

1. Nutrition

Our body is what we eat, our mind is what we read or what we see: “Jaisa ann waisa mann”.

And your thoughts create emotions which in turn affect endocrine system a chemical messenger system helping in the secretion of your hormones.

Check what you’re eating. Is it toxic to your body? Satvik food, be true vegetarian. Food we consume has consciousness and the moment we eat, it merges with our own self consciousness. The food we cook contains liveforce energy for three hours, so must practice a habit of eating fresh cooked foods. Once the food is preserved in machines and then consumed loose liveforce energy. Avoid packed foods or atleast for those specific time period; during which you’re on the path of manifestation.

endocrine system - Google Search

2. Breath

Mastering internal breath is very important. And this is one of the reason why our holy monks meditate on himalaya. There you can’t afford the have shallow breathing because of air pressure and atmosphere. So always a deep and continous breath only way to survive over hamalayas. Its an internal martial art. This is achieved through regular practice of meditation.

Breath helps in controlling our emotions. Remember positive emotions within ourself signaling positive vibrations to our 55 trillion cells and negative emotions signaling negative vibrations to our cellular system. And every negative emotions leads a signal to our community of cellular system : look wind up the signal is to wind up.

Controlling the emotions is very important in our goal manifestation. Power of emotions. Always have attitude of gratitude.

Witness the weather, formation of clouds, glowing and smiling faces of people, enjoying the sun rise. You’re lucky enough the day has been given to you : to blossom the gift of nature, blessings of nature. Bless everyone to whom you meet to make people around you feel happy. A simplistic approach to begin your day without applying any techniques, methods or protocols.

This will help to create strong thought patterns within you. A strong powerful vibrations. Powerful healthy environment surrounding you.

Our thought pattern belong to our own consciousness. Biggest pattern do arise within our social norms “ ‘I'm not good”. Start respecting yourself. Accept yourself the way you’re. Forgive yourself , no guilt within yourself. Resonate Unconditional love. Every emotions will produce some thought, and thoughts will produce something. Resonate positive stream of emotions continuously , which will influence your aura and people start appreciating the flavour of your consciousness. Such deep and regular practice will make your emotions steadier and gradually because of your habit it turns to be unconditional love.

Think only what you want. Don't allow the thought to enter your conscious mind the thing which you don't want.

Speak what you want visualize only what you want.

Give to others what you want. If you seek love then spread the happiness of love. Charity begins at home. Give unconditional love to your family members. Nature is very liberal, it doesn't owe to anyone, it returns back with many folds. Seek and it shall be given to you.

3. Praan the cosmic energy

To produce vibrations we require some energy; to activate energy we require some atma (self is life). Real I will always remain, it was always there, it is there, it will always remain there.

Practice some breathing pranayaam regularly. Right breathing techniques powerfully navigates and supplies cosmic energy through conscious mind. Breath provides self belonging conscious awareness. It gives strength to etheric body. Continuous deep breathing exercise will enhance your praanmaya kosh.

Past life karma are stored in gyaanmaya kosh which then rises to manomaya kosh where it due to emotions create some vibrations depending on the type of karma which leads to some thought generation. This thought when reaches praanmaya kosh, if the the pranamaya kosh is weak ; it bounds to take the shape of a disease.

Live in present, because present is truth, past is dead future is false. If you live in present you can create healthy emotions, which in turn it would create healthy positive signal to our cells and hence positive secretion of hormones. Fear, anxiety, anger disturbs our hormones secretions and in turn damage our thought process. but if you're in past you might deluge in negative thoughts.

Always perceive that what you're manifesting you'd already achieved. Live and feel the same emotions.The emotions sends a very strong message to mother nature in the form of vibrations. Always remember your vibrations will create the matter which you want. If you're sending healthy positive vibrations, nature would nurture the same.

On the contrary if you start thinking and feeling consciously that you'd failed to achieve or you aren't able to achieve, it will hurt your emotions. Negative energy would neutralize whatever you'd earned so far and your conscious mind will receive negative nutrients from subconscious mind . Your body will start secreting unwanted harmful enzymes. Our body secrets enzymes based on our thought pattern. If we're living with negative thoughts, body and endocrine system will produce harmful enzymes, contaminating our subconscious mind.

4. Write Golden Book

Golden Book is a journal where we illuminate three things at night before going to sleep.

What is it you want ? Contemplate fully before writing.

What you will get by attaining your goal ? What would be the change in your life.

What is the price you’re willing to pay for it ? What hard work will you do. How many hours you’ll contribute in achieving the goal.

A ledger book debit on one side credit on other side.

Write your “Golden Book” daily. Pen your thoughts your emotions in a diary. Read your write up daily before going to bed. Live with the emotions before your day end. Whatever you want to manifest, always write those thoughts in “present tense”. Only present is truth, rest is false. When we sleep our subconscious mind provides nutrients to conscious mind, so whatever you write feel the same with strong intent emotions before going to bed. Visualize strongly so that it gets layered in your subconscious mind.

This you must do every night. Now close the book, and meditate. Connect to your each breath inhale and exhale fully and deeply continuously without break. Now consider the feeling as if you’re not breathing air, rather breathing packets of energy. Shape size color will vary individually. Be aware of your thoughts fully. Deep continuous sound of your breath. At certain point of time you’re just vibrations as frequency. At this very juncture you’re no man, no woman just a vibration feeling light as if you’re absorbed in the environment feeling powerful, energetic. The feeling of ”Oneness”. Just the feeling of energy no restriction.

5. Manifestation at Quantum level.

Be generic and kind, full of gratitude to nature. Always resonate unconditional love. It might sound bookish in this modern world though. This will make your heart chakra powerful, which in turn will emit positive vibrations. What we give to others it comes back to many folds. Universe is very fertile : whatever you sow, so shall you reap. If you seek love give love in abundance to others, if you seek respect so shall give respect to everyone. It is law of nature, nature loves symmetry.

So move on…

I salute you and salute the very divine within you.