#we do still share different opinions about things and it’s still valuable to talk about them

[angelthingy]

(this was written AFTER writing the tags, so reading those first might make more sense!)

wrote this on another post somewhere but since i ended up writing an essay in the tags forgetting to mention it i felt i should add that in now

as much as i think it’s important to have empathy to any side in queer discourse, the important thing to me is that the word discourse itself implies that there’s a debate

sometimes. there is not a debate

sometimes. they are just wrong

people saying “aro people aren’t queer” is NOT a debate, they’re just wrong. aro people are queer go away

people excluding trans people from communities isn’t a debate, they’re just wrong and possibly terfs/radfems!

just wanted to clear that up because i generally get kinda anxious whenever i talk extensively about a topic because!! i am not the best at using words to describe my thoughts!! because my thoughts often dont happen in words and instead in concepts which is a lot harder to explain!!!!

all queer discourse could be stopped if we all just remembered that in the eyes of conservative fascists we're all dirty queers polluting their kids minds who need to be eradicated at all costs

[dancingwithfoxes]

🍁 Merry Mabon! 🍁

below are some messages from gods/goddesses I felt called to share. ❤️🦊 I hope that at any point you find these messages, they are able to help you wherever necessary and give you the strength to be yourself wholly.

Baldur

“To control your emotions does not mean to avoid them we have to seek solace in the hard feelings we face and conquer. ”

foxglove • you may feel as though you do not recognise yourself anymore, or the path you've been taking feels very unfamiliar. Take some time to tether back to your inner self. This season is a moment to reflect on the ways you've changed and grown.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Bragi

“I've sat with my anger long enough to know its the calling of inner grief.”

henbane • it's believed that some used to crown the passed on with chaplets of henbane, helping them to forget their previous lives so they could move forward without regrets. Something is holding you back from moving on — it's time to forgive and move forward to find your freedom.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Eir

“We cannot simply sit and stare at the wounds we carry.”

thistle • known for being spiky and unwelcoming. However, they provide as a valuable component toward birds and pollinators. Thistles represent true fulfilment. You have so much to give, and the world around you is ready to give back. Whoever has entered or been a core part of your life is here to provide and remind you of the goodness within the world. You are not alone.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Ēostre

“Allow yourself to shine without the desire to be seen.”

chickweed • these are known as early-flowering herbs which appear when the rest of the world is still cold and bare. They are full of valuable nutrients and are proof of things returning to life. A series of blessings will make their way to you, they may appear quite modest and miniscule however, they hold much more meaning. You deserve it.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Freyja

“There are poems inside of you that even paper can't handle.”

mandrake • whether they are used in magical or medicinal ways, mandrakes have been valued for thousands of years by those who grow it. However it takes three years to reach its full potency. Do not judge yourself by the speed at which others grow; you need more time to reach your full potential and there is no shame in that.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Freyr

“Be patient when becoming someone you have never been before, it will take time to be comfortable in new shoes.”

crocus • speaking up for yourself may just be one of the hardest things to do, particularly if you've ever felt your opinion is not worth being heard. Being assertive does not mean coming across as aggressive; you're simply letting people know what your needs are. Allow yourself the chance to speak up. Something is weighing on you heavily that needs to be talked about.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Frigg

“Self love is the highest frequency that attracts everything you desire.”

basil • there is growth to be found in helping others achieve the same goal. A leaf of holy basil is placed on the forehead of the deceased to allow them to be seen. By giving your time and energy to others, you will draw the same good energy that you were giving away towards yourself. Remember, what you give is what you will receive.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Hel

“Please let go of the illusion that it could have been any different to how it played out.”

crocus • feelings not heard are feelings that shall linger much longer than necessary at times. Being honest and vocal about how you feel does not mean you are in any way selfish. Allow yourself the chance to speak up, hearts really are something to be cared for, by expressing hurt emotions we are releasing that weight even just a little.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Iðunn

“The truth is these scars are the living proof I was strong enough to make a change.”

the sickle • the sickle is not only a symbol of gathering harvest but also a sign of reaching the aftermath of a long and fruitful year. The challenges that you have faced are nearing their end, its time to reflect back on what has passed, both good and bad. Take those lessons and apply them to any obstacle you should find yourself faced with. This is also a reminder of the seasons being ever changing, a new season awaits.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Jörð

“Just because you are soft does not mean you are not a force. Honey and wildfires are both the colour of gold.”

citrus • common knowledge states citrus fruits are packed full of protective powers. You've been struck with a number of situations that you feel may be out of your control - but through the circumstances that caused them might be, the way you choose to handle them is not. You have the strength to govern how they come to affect you. Some battles can be won and some are best left alone; listen to your intuition, you already know what to do.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Loki

“Understand we cannot save everyone, you can only love them. You cannot transform for them, you can only hold onto and console when they are faced with the unknown parts of themselves.”

birch • the birch tree is beloved by many for its pure but determined energy. It is one of the first trees to grow leaves in the season of spring. Its also the first to grow back in an area which woodland is cleared; this tenacity is a symbol of strength to overcome hardships. They also represent a time of rebirth. This season brings a new chapter after realising and coming to terms with a situation. Don't let past difficulties make you jaded, enter this phase with confidence.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Máni

“Healing also means taking an honest look at the role you play in your own suffering.”

asphodel • in Corsica, where asphodel grows, a person who has been gone from their homeland for a long period of time is said to have 'forgotten the asphodel'. You may be feeling heavy nostalgia toward something that has long come to pass — could be an old friend, a place, or somewhere you found great solace in being. Reaching out to that friend or recreating that time or place is what you need right now, why are you holding back?

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Óðinn

“Allow the road ahead of you to speak louder than the one you're leaving behind.”

apple • everything has an ending. Whether it be today or a hundred years from now, nothing can truly stay as it is, and it's not always a bad thing. We naturally shy away from death or change, but don't forget that it too is in nature's plan. Something in your life needs closure, come to terms with it, embrace it and know that in its ending, something new and beautiful will soon emerge and find its way to you.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Sif

“Being there for others does not mean you get to leave yourself behind.”

aconite • you're facing a difficult or painful decision with no 'right' answer available yet. However in your heart of hearts, you already know what you need to do. Please don't agonise over it much longer than you have to. Named for the hills on which Hercules fought Cerberus, aconite promises there is relief to be had after the brief and challenging fallout of your decision. Know this won't last forever and is momentary.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Sigyn

“To bring in more abundance we sometimes have to pause and take a minute to appreciate the gifts we are already fortunate to have.”

foxglove • you may feel as though you havent had much fortune or good find you lately. It can be harder to appreciate the good when things feel a little stagnant and calm. There is peace in not having chaos. Acknowledge and reflect on the little things that speak louder, such as a warm cup of tea after a long day, an outpour of rain on a random Wednesday.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Sjöfn

“People tend to heal and grow the most when they are loved well.”

moonwart • these ferns have many magical properties ascribed to them, but one of the most prominent is their ability to undo or destroy any lock. Our minds are skilled at hiding away old griefs, unwanted feelings and stressful memories. In the long term these will become dangerous but now is the time to make sense of them. Take the opportunity to unlock those hidden spaces and clear out the cobwebs.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Skaði

“Indulge in the coming of solitude, and find your peace within the season of silence.”

blackthorn • Cailleach is the guardian of an ancient woodlands, she stands in the woods, back bent, raven on her shoulder and holding a staff of blackthorn. People may underestimate you, but you know your true power the lurks within. Don't let other people's opinions take away your confidence in your own magic.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Thor

“This too shall pass, the hard feelings you hold onto, the ones you fear being unearthed. I just need you to trust in me.”

rose • hanging a rose from a ceiling, a tradition which indicates that any conversation which takes place in its presence must be kept in confidence. Its time to finally open up and talk of what's been gnawing at you. Choose your confidant carefully, it may also be something they've been wanting to talk about. Your relationship can only grow stronger through the act of trusting each other.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Týr

“I've learned that in order to receive the good things, you need to believe you are deserving of them.”

tulip • there is a Persian tale which tells of a laborer who fell absolutely in love with a princess. To deter this person from pursuing the princess, the king set an impossible task; but upon seeing the person near to completing it, the king told them the princess had passed on. When he to passed, tulips began to grow from him. The moral being, don't let the lies and deceit of others deter you from achieving what you aim for. Don't be fooled by falsehoods that will keep you from greatness. You deserve good things, you are a good person.

[sir-subpar]

Alastor rant

Clearly I'm still working out the concepts, but I feel like I'm getting close and I wanted to talk about my ideas.

So, Alastor, the overlord, the sinner, the cannibal, the mysterious-

Okay, I'm messing around. Alastor does not live up to the description.

Alastor has Irked me for a while. I know all of the characters have, but Alastor in particular feels like one of the most disappointing, world breaking nothing of a character.

He's not scary, he doesn't look like a deer, his suit makes no sense, his motives don't make any sense.

He hates television yet the first thing we hear from him in the show is a TV ad. For some reason he's "really powerful" (for no reason), yet does next to nothing in the fight against Adam and is basically useless.

The only reason there's a manipulation works on Charlie is because she's written to be completely brainless. At least the pilot Charlie knew he was untrustworthy but was just trying to stick with her principles. Charlie in the show is a brainless mouth.

Alastor's rivalry with Lucifer is random, unexplained, and pointless.

I have a lot of issues with this "deer"

If only angel weapons can kill sinners, how come he does it all the time no problem? If he's ranked below Charlie why is she scared of him? If he doesn't believe in this hotel and does nothing to gain from it personally, why is he there? He doesn't even seem that happy to be there most of the time. Sure he smiles, but he always does that.

Why is he here?

What does he do? How does he help? How does he not help? Is he there to help? Is he there for entertainment like it was in the pilot? Does he like being there? Does he not like being there? Does he want to see the project fail or succeed? Does he care? Does he not care?

He is just.. there. He says some vague things that should be red flags, then does nothing.

(Maybe Charlie can't see the red flags because they blend in with every other red thing in the environment)

Also, I hate the fact that he's apparently asexual because he "can't find it in himsepf to care for others"

As an asexual person, I hate that so much. He doesn't need to have a reason to be asexual. He can just BE asexual. (Also being asexual does not mean that you don't care about people! It's just a way to describe a lack of sexual attraction and the different levels it's experienced.)

Also, for the longest time I had no idea Alastor was apparently mixed race. Apparently he is black or something? I honestly can't tell.

A lot of other people have discussed that though, and they would probably know more than I would as a white guy myself, so I reccomend seeing what POC have to say about it because they probably have more valuable things to share. Obviously, Racism is awful.

And it really doesn't help that one of the only characters in this show that's supposed to be a person of color, is a heartless, selfish, pompous cannibal.

If any person of color has something they would like to share, feel free to comment on this post, I want to hear a variety of opinions.

I have so many issues with this character, that redesigning him isn't enough for me. I want to completely reimagine him.

I will post that soon, I just wanted to let some of my frustrations out beforehand so I didn't make that post besides one novel. It will probably still be long, but hopefully this will shorten it a little bit.

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Dead Friend Forever - Post Ep 8 Theory Recap

This has taken a few days because I wanted to get all my thoughts in order. This show continues to be amazing and it continues to make wheels spin in my head. I am very happy that more people are starting to watch this amazing show.

Firstly I wanted to shout out some amazing post I have seen since episode 8 came out:

First this post for all the people readings this that have not caught up with DFF and are worried about Triggers/Squicks and the horror stuff there is this post by @wen-kexing-apologist

This post about the argument between Non's parents by @fracturediron

This post analyzing the movie posters in Non and Jin's room and what that might mean for the plot @lukaherehelp and this other post about the posters here by @syrena-del-mar

These two posts by @mikuni14 here (which raises an important point I will eleborate on later) and here (about Non's fate, an opinion I share, aka Non is dead - Although I wouldn't personally put it past Dr Sammon to find a way to have kept him alive that makes sense, like @respectthepetty point out here both Dr Sammon and the Pit Babe writers are not strangers to a character being "dead" then revealed to be alive. Of course both writers have killed a character before, but under very different circumstances, so it's not like there is no hope at all)

And finally last but not least this theory about Tan being New that I find very interesting here by @tbhimnoteasyonmyself

Ok now onto my thoughts.

I wanted to take a moment to appriciate how nuanced the depiction of Non's breakdown was this episode. So many horror stories relay on mental illness and disability to make their killers scary or crazy or deformed, that I have been worried about how this story will use those aspect of Non going further. While those worries have not gone away completely. They have significantly calmed down.

The writing makes it really obvious that it wants us to root for Non, and wants us to be at his side, and it's also makes it very clear that Non's breakdown this episode was due to all the factors componding, the bullying, the thing with the mafia and the cops, the money, family pressure, the thing with the teacher, the thing with Phee, it all just came to a head together. The breakdown doesn't rely soley on his mental illness.

The next part I found very interesting this episode was the argument between the parents and the absense of Non's brother still.

I think the fact that we have not seen Non try to reach out to his brother for comfort at all makes me think that their parents (especially their Mom) different treatment of the two of them drove a wedge between them. Which is probably going to make New even more angry and guilty. @tbhimnoteasyonmyself pointed this out in his post and I agree I do not think New has been told about anything before Non went missing, and given the fact that he is abroad, he might have not have had the oppurtinity to come back before. Althought if he is in the USA then there should be a way for him to say to the University, my brother went missing I have to go back and be allowed to do that witouth a major impact on his school. So I am assuming he went back after Non was called missing. Either his parents caved and told him, or someone send him either the news or the video of his brother online and then he got his parents to tell him the truth.

I am very curious about his mental state and why he is being kept so secret. The fact that there are no pictures and Non doesn't talk about him can be explained by the extrangment in universe, but I am more curious about the narrative/out of universe benefits/reasons for introducing New so late in the game. If he is Tan then we lost valuable time with a memeber of the cast, and if he is not then that actor is going to have to work double time to sell us on his character in such a short ammount of time.

Which brings us to the big mysteries, the things I am most curious about besides New, which are 1) Why did it take them so long to get revenge? 2) How many killers are there, and what is their plan exactly?

Like @mikuni14 pointed out in the post I linked above, it seems really weird that it would take them 3 years to get to their revenge plan. It doesn't really feel like it would be all that complicated to get that bunch of boys drunk or high and get some information out of them. So why wait? What killed their momentum?

I read a post (that I can't find anymore sorry) talking about how Keng seem to be working for someone to get information on Tee's Uncle. And that got me thinking about the shot of the newspaper with the news about Tee's Uncle

Which I can't translate fully but seems to hint that the uncle is being investigated about money laundry.

So, what if whover was working with Keng (probably journalist) are helping Phee and New/Tan (writing them like that because I am not sure if they are the same person or not) investing their brother but in turn they have to help them with Tee's Uncle. I'll explain.

If my theory about three killers is correct, then New is going to be someone else, someone older. He and Phee are going to connect first. Then they are going to get caught snooping by whover is building a case against Tee's Uncle (I am leaning towards journalists, Dr. Sammon as used the investigative journalist characters before), in which case Tan could be working with this other person. And this person team (side not Perth, could be a member of this other team as well, he went from background in a shot to rubbing Tee's Uncle shoulders in the most recent episode) could coinvince Phee and New to help them, you help us with the this mafia guy we help you find out what happened to Non.

I think this theory works both with New being a third person and with Tan being the brother. It would just mean that they are getting helped by someone from this other team. I am voting for Perth because he has a connection to Tee and I have seen a lot of reactions video clips from the cast to various episodes and he is always with them, like he is playing an important role not just a random side character.

It could explain why it's taking them so long, they have to take out the Uncle first, he is the big shot, the real criminal, the one with the weapons. The one that actually knows what happened to Non. Which means that if he is dead, Phi and New might have just gotten confirmation on it, which would made them pretty damn angry. And it would mean that them asking questions to the boys was less about figuring out what they did and more get them to confess.

That is all I have for now. I really love how much this show is getting me to ask questions and giving me a push to make more posts. This show continues to be great and I can't wait to see the finale.

EDIT: Literally just saw this post on @respectthepetty's blong but apparently the Uncle is dead. I am going insane.

I think my theory still holds. I am definately sure there are three killers and Perth is helping the third killer or is the third killer (depending on If Non is alive, which is looking a bit more likely, if Tan is New or if New is someone else).

I now think that this other team/person that was getting Keng to help was not a journalist but had their own motivations. Like a vigilante maybe, someone who killed before and who would be 100% comfartable taking out a guy by decapitating him, like with Uncle Dang??

But it does makes sense it's taking them this long, Tee's uncle look like a big shot it must not be easy to take him out.

[allgoldenelite]

NOAH New Year show translations

Rather than reposting the screenshots from Twitter here, I'm gonna make my tls an original post here on Tumblr.

bummers ahead, please proceed with care

Ibushi: (tl link)

"I got scammed by a place called C5 Clinic* that I tweeted about before, which has branches in the whole country. Please be careful, everyone.

I think NOAH will release information about my surgery and bone fractures and dislocation and such. I'm sorry to everyone for the inexcusable match. Everything is my fault."

*this clinic specializes in adipose tissue stem cell treatment

Ibushi: (tl link)

"Sorry for the late message. I think there will be a detailed report from NOAH, but I'm letting you know that my left ankle is a mangled mess, and I'll have surgery for the right [ankle] ligament. I think there will be a release [by NOAH] soon.

I'm really, really sorry."

Ibushi: (tl link)

"I've come [this far] with the goal of getting 20 years [in ring career], so I think it might be time soon [to quit] being an active [wrestler]. I still have a lot of contracts and such left so I'll see those through!

I try not to think too much about the negative things or the future and stuff like that, but I have a lot of things [to do] like taking care of my mother, so when it's time I'll talk about it! Don't miss a single match😊 ‼️ "

Jake Lee: (tl link)

"It's not about whose fault it is or anything like that

Everyone awaits you standing in the ring again

That's what I believe."

more under the cut

Marufuji: (tl link)

"Good morning. [The] Ariake Arena [show] was a couple days ago.

I'm going to assume that you understand that as professionals, we have to share perfection with everyone.

I feel sorry to the fans who, spending good money and valuable time, came to watch what could not meet the expectations, if you listen to a lot of the opinions.

I write "a lot of opinions" because there are people who hold a different opinion than that.

I can't write in detail here about the two different sides, but...

I think among the staff there are probably people from either side.

So there are among the wrestlers.

"As professionals, we have to share perfection with everyone": In the end, I've certainly learned a lot from being unable to share that.

[When you're] going for sharing perfection, it's also important to take big risks.

I myself ascribe to both.

But when you gamble, sometimes you fail.

I think as people, we often want to walk the path that's safe for ourselves. I think there is an incredible amount of pressure on those who challenge themselves to taking big risks with shows that they have a responsibility for because many other people aside from themselves are involved.

I want to convey my thanks to those people. And at the same time, I want to urge [everyone] to work hard so that we, based on what happened, change the things we can change and head for a brighter future.

There have been a lot of developments on the part of the wrestlers as well, so I think it'll be exciting as long as everyone can keep their professionalism.

I wasn't able to watch New Japan's Tokyo Dome show yesterday, but the news were everywhere.

In the end it is frustrating.

And also I, you know [...]

I wasn't able to show what I'm made of at all.

I think personally, I have to try and search for something new. That goes for moves and for where I stand as well.

I feel like if I don't, then [my career] is just going to end like with me as a boring wrestler.

Because I'm a guy who does what he decides to do (I [shouldn't] say this myself]...

Look forward to it."

underneath that post was a reply by someone going:

"I agree with the risk taking thing. But what bothers me is, I think Ibushi is under contract with AEW for the time being, however through this failed gamble he got injured and I worry about how the other side [AEW] is going to react to that. Looking at it that way, I think I can't agree with a gamble that involves a wrestler from another promotion."

and then someone else replied to that:

"Ibushi came into this already injured so you don't have to write that Marufuji injured him or something, do your research before you post"

and to that Ibushi replied: (tl link)

"I was in the best condition I could've been in to walk 500 meters, not exactly [have a] match. But I gave in to [NOAH?] negotiating with me 3 or 4 times like 'can't you please make it work?' It's my fault."

NOAH: (tl link)

"An announcement about Ibushi Kôta's medical diagnosis

As a result of a thorough examination, Ibushi Kôta, who suffered injuries during the NOAH Ariake Arena show on January 2nd, has been diagnosed with a complex injury of the lateral ankle ligament of the right foot, along with a rupture of the tibiofibular ligament of his right leg.

Regarding the left foot, there will be a separate thorough examination and dedicated treatment.

As soon as we learn more we will let you know further.

We deeply apologize for any inconvenience and concerns we caused the fans and every single person involved, and ask for your understanding and cooperation."

[gege-wondering-around]

Chris and Derek are a goated duo

I feel like we - if you think the same of course - were robbed of a very powerful and amazing duo - just so you know I'm gonna analysis both characters simultaneously and how they evolved be the two faces of the same coin.

Character analysis:

Both Derek and Chris have a strong sense of justice and duty despite the way they showed it in the early seasons and have great strength in their own fields, that be in combact with weapons or claws.

They are both very family-guided or have a lot of interest in their own families, that being staying in the family business or fighting for their own family and pride.

They both ends up being the only one left - in a generalize measure - of their own families/clans and brings changes to their own after being faced with another prospective that 'lets everyone lives'. And they are both willing to take the risk - whatever it might be - to save others' while being already severely injured.

Both have being 'teachers' to their respective 'young ones' and did fairly well somehow. Chris had Allison and she turned out to be very strong and leader-like, while derek had Isacc, Boyd and Erica and despite the fact two of them died, Derek managed to still teach them something rather valuable about being werewolves.

How they evolved to 'the coin':

throughout the seasons they ends up being the only one they can rely onto when something new comes up or when they need to get information or help to deal with something.

And don't get me wrong, they have other people too, but you remeber it too that Chris specificly went to find Derek in the middle of Brazil and was the only one who remotely knew something about Derek?

Also, example of this is when they were talking about the nogitsune while being imprisoned at the police station, they share their opinions about what to do with Stiles while possessed and despite having different povs they ends up working on it together, especially because they both wanted to save a life and not take one more.

And as they both were the 'bad guys' at the start of the show they surely did a turn around and became some of the 'best guys' who protects people whenever is needed, no questions asked.

Chris Arget passed from hunting down supernatural creatures to helping them killing the actually bad ones, and not killing regardless of being guilty or innocent of any crime.

Derek Hale went from ripping people's throats out almost without a second though on the matter, caring only about power and building a pack for himself, to actually caring for the people he ends up with and not caring about being the Alpha of the situation.

And so, they are opposite yet the same, their willpower leads them the same way but along different paths, they want the same things but try to achive them in two distant ways, they have the same start - as the 'bad one' to someone - but ends up regaining people's respect and love.

Most of the time, this 'two face of the same coin' has a bad interpretation, but I don't think it does right now. If the coin has to faces, no matter how different the faces are, how opposite they might be, they are still part of the same coin. They have the same roots just different branches, maybe different leaves but same fruits.

You might be doing something one way and I might be doing it the other, but if our goal is the same they we are part of the same thing deep down, casue what we are looking for and trying to achive is the same. We are just two different people, and the same goes for opinions, idea, ways of being/working/expressing yourself.

And sometimes you might need someone who does things differelty than you, despite having the same goal, cause maybe what you are failing to understand is what they are the best at and viceversa, so you need the other half of the information to find the solution.

Lastly:

If Chris is willing to kill to protect even if it means killing someone you also care for, then Derek is willing to take the risk, even only upon himself alone, to get back the people he loves.

The difference is: Chris is willing to make a sacrifice, Derek is willing to be it.

(almost all the time)

The goated duo:

So, I believe they are a goated duo that could easily take down almost anything or anyone if needed, when they worked together. That they evolved to be better almost together since I think they both learned something from one another.

They went from total enemies to best allies and they are both the best at what they do cause they basically saw it all. They hold such strength on their own that if they worked together - which they don't do on the field (from what I can tell from the show and the movie - they could probably hunt down the bad guys and be done with them in a few business days.

They would've been a powerful duo if only they had the time to be it.

[mindibindi]

hey! sorry for bothering you, but i as a fellow x-phile i would like to ask how credible it is that gillian anderson and david duchovny hated each other back in the day? there are probably quotes or something but i can't really judge anything this late after the fact. i did watch the show when it aired but i was too young to get into internet culture. anyway, i'm hoping for some wisdom from fans who remember this. :) thank you!

Hey Anon,

It’s no bother and thanks for the ask. And actually, after the fact is a good position from which to view this matter since, as we all now know, Gillovny’s story has a happy ending. I was around for the original run too but internet culture was very different then. Not everyone was constantly online, I certainly wasn’t. The internet was expensive and hard to access so I got a couple of hours per week tops, which I mostly used to read fanfic. (Fanfic for this show/ship was basically my fanfic writer origin story: I was like WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS TOO???!!! And btw: readers complain these days about the pressure to respond to fanfic. Back in the day, you had to compose a whole fricking email if you wanted to badger your fave author for more. And there was certainly no easy kudos button option to make you feel like you’d done your bit to encourage community. Anyway.)

There were fan sites, message boards and lots of different fanfic archives. And sure, there was some gossip but it still mostly came via old print media. Pre-social-media, there wasn’t a direct line to celebrities or any great expectation placed on them interact with fans in regular, intimate ways. The advent of social media has created these parasocial relationships in which (some) fans think they know or have a right to far more than they do. Back in the day, and istg this is true, I posted a picture of DD with Blue in the surf on some now defunct message board. The moderators removed it and v kindly said: nope, against our guidelines, no images of private moments taken without the person’s consent. I mean…. talk about boundaries! My baby fangirl ass was properly chastised and learnt a valuable lesson. I think we can learn a thing or two from early internet culture and original fans, some of which are still knocking about this site.

Anyway, all of this is to say, I don’t have any special insight here. The only people who know in any great detail what truly went on in DD and GA’s relationship is them, and maybe a few people in their immediate vicinity. But XF fans are lucky enough to stan two very honest, emotionally thoughtful people who have shared with us some of the challenges they faced during the show’s original run. And, for better or worse, when people tell you who they are, I tend to believe them. Yes, there are other fans that can probably provide you with quotes and timelines and (wild) speculation, but I think I know enough to give a fairly objective opinion on what I think actually occurred. For me, the most pertinent quote here is Gillian’s characterisation of their relationship as being like “a forced marriage”. I take this to mean that, like any marriage, there was great intimacy, respect, cooperation and commitment. Maybe even love. But there was also a lack of choice that caused tension, despite multiple positive relational elements.

“Tension” is a word that has also been applied to their late-90s relationship and I think it’s probably more accurate. I don’t think they HATE hated each other. But I think they probably had fleeting moments of feeling: OMG this person is getting on my last sane nerve, I cannot stand to be around them another fricking second. I think the protracted and concentrated intimacy of their circumstances gave rise to SOME super understandable negative feelings that ultimately, did not define the true nature of their relationship, either then or now. I don’t think those feelings were all there was, even back then. I don’t think these two were epic lovers any more than they were bitter enemies. I think they were just two human beings attempting to function under super intense scrutiny and an extremely gruelling work schedule. And that at times resulted in tension or irritation which they found ways around. Talking to each other only as Mulder and Scully may sound terrible to some but I think it’s a rather ingenious way to conserve their energy for their jobs. It shows an incredible commitment to their characters, to the show and to the contribution the other was bringing to that celebrated dynamic. They knew it was important so that's where they focused.

We have all had times in relationships where we’ve needed some space, even from someone we like, love, respect and value. If anyone was struggling to understand this dynamic between DD and GA then recent experiences of lockdown should have provided some insight into this kind of intense forced intimacy. Now, I have never been married but I’ve lived with people and that experience will make you loathe how a person walks, breathes, sleeps, eats, does the smallest, most insignificant things. It’s not the permanent state of your relationship. It’s just a passing reaction. It does not matter how much you might like or appreciate this person. In one bright flash, they become the most infuriating person to ever walk the planet. Then you go into another room or go to work and the feeling fades. But what happens when you can’t get away, you actually can’t get the sort of space a healthy relationship needs? We all saw how lockdown increased the pressure on all relationships, especially partnerships and marriages. There was pressure within and without and people reacted naturally to profoundly unnatural circumstances. That’s all that happened here.

Now, it must be pointed out that even during periods of the original run when their relationship was supposedly suffering, there is footage of them having fun on-set and ruining takes by making out. This supports the idea that any “hate” was an understandable but impermanent reaction for both. Actually, I think it is highly admirable that they were able to collaborate together and remain individually sane while experiencing such relational tension. It shows incredible personal fortitude and professional commitment. They stayed focused and pragmatic and, to me, there is never any indication that their personal struggles impacted the final product. In fact, I believe they actually enhanced Mulder and Scully’s relationship in those middle years of the original run when they too were experiencing some growing pains in their relationship. I’m thinking of the raw emotion in that end scene of “Elegy” and the palpable impatience and antagonism in “Gethsemane”. I’m thinking of the division and sadness in the hospital scene in “The Red and the Black” and throughout “The End”. Like Mulder and Scully, David and Gillian have some fundamental similarities and some very distinct differences. For the first few years of the series they were living very different lives. It took them time to attune to each other, just as it took Mulder and Scully time to fully absorb the many intricate dimensions of their relationship. As DD and GA grew older, their lives became more similar and their understanding of each other likewise grew. And honestly, I think it’s somewhat hypocritical and inhuman to appreciate the many complex beats of the M/S relationship as it plays out on-screen, but then judge their real-life counterparts as they tread an equally complex path towards true understanding, appreciation and love.

I haven’t watched TXF in years and in my recent rewatch, I was surprised actually at just how combative this relationship could be. I had only remembered all the sweet, shippy bits! But (and I should not really have to point this out) that's also what is so compelling to watch. The conflict. The contrast. The difference (not just in height, although their physical difference does act as a powerful symbol of their mismatched but ultimately complementary dynamic). The difference and yes, even at times tension, between David and Gillian only adds to a dynamic that so many have tried and failed to emulate (RIP to any reboot of this show. This show IS DD and GA’s chemistry. End of.). I can’t be mad or disappointed about Gillovny’s 90s tension, so carefully navigated by both actors, because fuck me does it work for the MSR angst! D’you think we’d have so many delicious angsty fanfics if these two had been sunshine-y, tension-less best buds every step of the way?? Not only is some tension an understandable human reaction that I believe they have every right to, it adds dimension to an epically URSTy relationship that could have gotten boring (and kinda did towards the end, let's be real). There is an added, honest, brave truth to the moments of impatience, frustration, disagreement and division in the M/S relationship because DD and GA experienced these things themselves in the context of their equally intense working relationship. I think the actors continued to mine their own tension and express it through Mulder and Scully, which again is a super creative and healthy way to protect their working relationship and serve the M/S relationship. A relationship in which they were invested, but also a relationship that was central to the show and important to so many fans.

In time, the more intense M/S moments lost their bite. The relationship became softer, less combative, more appreciative. The LA move decreased the actor’s isolation and gave the show a new tone. Gillian is on record saying how strange it was for her when David disappeared in later seasons. And we all know the story of the 10 min post-"Existence" embrace (if you don’t let me know). So this story has a neat and satisfying ending even if Mulder and Scully never really got theirs. As evidenced by the second movie and reboot, nothing was destroyed. The chemistry remains (even if it’s not served by quality plot, development, context and characterisation). These human beings and artists did their best under difficult circumstances. They protected the work, the characters and their relationship. In fact, I would venture to suggest that the wild appreciation they show for each other now, the enduring chemistry we see on-screen and the palpable enjoyment they feel at the other’s presence any time they get the opportunity to reunite is in part due to how they navigated their early years as mismatched colleagues thrown together and expected to work closely under immense pressure. Thanks to David and Gillian, hate never took root. And now, in DD’s words, all that’s left is the heart.

[myopicry]

Just popping in to say that I saw your post about the struggles of having healthy discussions about feminism on here (and other places) and just wanted to say that I relate!! (especially with the last ask I sent which you replied to with much eloquence as always)

But I think there's still some interesting discussions being had on different sides, and it's honestly amazing when we think about the mere concept of communities online, especially for things like feminism. I mean hell, I owe tumblr so much despite everything! I found your blog, for example :3

Don't despair!! Take breaks whenever you want to, hell you can disappear off the surface of this site if you'd like (tell me first tho >:!). History generally tends to lean towards progress, I believe. We will all be okay!

(sorry this was unprompted and unsolicited but I couldn't help but butt in lol)

Yours truly, 🪼

you are really too kind dear jellyfish anon lolol and the message is absolutely welcome, this is a great message and reminder!

I find myself somewhat oscillating from incredibly hopeful and cherishing the world to incredibly nihilistic about my own life and the progression of my generation, probably because despite my best efforts I still do not touch nearly enough grass to be mentally consistent, but you do make a great point and it's a good way to view the world !! I get pretty cynical about the internet sometimes, that might just be a side effect of being raised on it unfortunately. however, as you say, it is pretty dang incredible that we have this portal to a vast amount of knowledge, thought, and communication at our fingertips. it would be a shame to not explore it and take advantage of the unique kinds of interaction and community that it is possible to maintain online. and I suppose the more people who stay hopeful about this digital future, the more likely it is that it will be possible.

I never thought I'd get any kind of attention on this blog (well, I hoped I would get a little attention, that is what social media is for and it is a very human instinct to be noticed by our peers lmao) but I'm just happy that there's even a handful of people who get something out of my less hinged often-written-in-a-dark-room-at-ungodly-hours rambling. and of course, I'm always happy that there are so many people (anon included, of course!) who share their own thoughts and wonderful, thought provoking writing.

I've been thinking lately about how I often encounter male writers/bloggers/artists with opinions and writings and art that might go against the status quo, or wax philosophical about their own struggles and the state of society, and they get the glory of praise and large platforms and funding, while many of the most personally engrossing female thinkers I've found are hidden in secret blogs, forums, or web archives. it is quite sad too that men are afforded the luxury of being philosophers and great thinkers and are allowed to be flawed, complex, or controversial while still being respected in academia and public discourse, whereas women pushing new ideas or discourse are expected to placate and honor men and the status quo of femininity or else they're shunned and hidden in the public eye completely. but what I value is that with some dedication and the willingness to explore new ideas online, I can still find these women and find the interesting things they write and make, even if they're not pushed by some all-consuming algorithm or if they're forced to make their own spaces in the expansive online world. I'm glad that there's always a possibility to find something valuable amongst a sea of terrible things (because the internet is certainly quite full of terrible things). which, I guess this is also just how life works in general. a lot of terrible stuff, but the beauty of it is that some hope in finding the gold hidden in there is always possible.

aaaand that got weirdly philosophical at the end lmao. I guess I do just like to hear myself talk sometimes :p

to tl;dr though, lovely lovely ask I really appreciate the sentiment and the message, and I'm more than happy to get a little infusion of hope in my inbox! thank you so much for stopping by again as usual (and I look forward to seeing you again soon ヾ(＾∇＾) ) !!

[cosmossystem]

on separate spaces

(long post bc im a yapper & idk how to be brief)

this is just my opinion, but as someone in an osdd system, i feel like theres no real way to go "this only applies to disordered systems and non-disordered systems could never hope to understand it so get out of here because this is not by/about/for you" etc.

on a base level, i get why you would want to have different spaces to discuss your experience with the disorder and its symptoms. and i agree that we need those spaces. i WANT to talk about those things, and i do! but the "didosdd community"... does not do that. if they did, i dont think wed be having this conversation.

instead, its like theyre trying to make a space for themselves, but instead of founding it on shared experiences like they should (for instance: general plurality or how to deal with dissociation and the like), theyre founding it on the distress they go through (caused by their symptoms) and then acting like plurality is the reason for those symptoms, instead of just... treating it like separate issues. like sure, you might be plural because of your trauma, but your didosdd is your trauma response and why you have those symptoms, not the plurality in and of itself. there are non-systems who dissociate or who have amnesia, and the inverse is true. its a gray area.

but truthfully, they dont care for any of that. all they know is that theyre miserable, and they want to stay miserable.

not counting the autism (cuz its a special case), ive got two other major Big Bad disorders that make my life hell: ocd and avpd. and in all of these communities, i see the same exact thing every time. we never talk about how we can live life happily with these disorders or heal. i dont hear about ocd successes, or how someone overcame their avpd and carved a life out for themself. i hear about the struggles, and how it sucks, and the way it ruins your life.

because when you are REALLY deep into these disorders, you are pretty hopeless. i know and ive been there. the didosdd community likes to bond on their suffering, because suffering people attract other suffering people. its a cycle: the more you talk about suffering the worse you feel, and you look for comfort in other suffering people but no healing actually happens. they (didosdd) cant imagine a life without suffering-- and, important distinction: they mistake their plurality for the reason they suffer.

which, yes. you can suffer with plurality. it isnt all sunshine and rainbows. its hard! youre allowed to not like it or hate it even! but what im trying to say is that the point of therapy, generally, is to learn to live with your symptoms. mental illness cannot ever be fully healed, it is a product of your brain being abnormal, and no, even integration wont cure you. but they dont seem to get that? they think of themselves as fractured/broken/wrong somehow, their plurality is "proof" of that, and then cry about how awful didosdd is and 'why would someone ever want this?'

look, i get it. i HAVE didosdd. i know it sucks. i know its hard. its awful and i hate it. but i dont hate being plural. i dont hate my alters. we are more functional this way than we would be if we were a singlet. and, most importantly, being a system outside of your didosdd symptoms is important and valuable. your symptoms are just... the disorder itself. not the plurality. they just coexist.

because there will come a day very soon where our system no longer suffers from our symptoms to a degree that we will no longer fit under the didosdd criteria. because you can truly minimize those symptoms, function as a unit, and you wont need the label anymore. because didosdd is not "youre plural and it sucks". its "everything sucks, and youre plural in addition to it sucking". youll most likely still be plural, but it wont suck anymore.

and in all of my experiences with osdd/did/whatever we have--dissociation, a little amnesia, distress, all the works-- these are all things that non-disordered systems can have experience with. theres a ton of overlap. i dont feel like, on a fundamental level, theres really any huge difference between us (disordered) and them (non-).

yet the didosdd community seems to like to gatekeep those symptoms? which doesnt make sense either. ive never met a non-disordered system that didnt struggle in some way with a different mental illness, and those things i mentioned above are all really common symptoms of other disorders, like autism, adhd, personality disorders, (c)ptsd......

but most of all, i think a lot of didosdd systems tend to think of non-disordered systems --whether they (claim to) support them or not-- as this like, Magical Separate Thing with No Common Ground to them...?

like, you dont think endos had to go through a discovery period? you dont think theyve been judged or abused or outcast for their plurality? you dont think theyve ever struggled with switching, or communication, or headspace, or alter roles? you dont think theyve never felt invalid or unreal or like they were broken? hell, they probably feel that MORE than we (didosdd) do because of how you guys treat them!

and if the goal of having separate spaces was to talk about your symptoms and help each other cope with your stigmatized disorder (again: a very valid thing to do) like they claim to do... well, you certainly dont do that.

yall are too busy fighting over whos faking, and basing your existence on a disorder. and speaking from years of experience: basing your existence on a disorder makes for a very miserable life.

because, put it this way-- ive never met an endo/supporter that i didnt generally agree with and feel respected by. sure, i dont understand most of them, but the more they talk about their experiences the more i go "oh hey, we do that too! we arent so different after all." they listen to me. i listen to them. we help each other, and share advice on how to become functional units. we share the good and the bad. we understand we are more than a disorder. we are a community!

but on the other hand, i have met a lot of sysmeds who (as the name implies) think our existence is purely medical, reduce us down to our symptoms, and treat us like broken fragments instead of like actual living breathing people.

that isnt getting over your disorder, or learning to cope with it. thats forming an identity around your pain. and ive tried that and i nearly died from it, and im gonna tell you this: it doesnt fucking fix you. it doesnt make your symptoms better, it doesnt make you happy, it doesnt make you functional. it only makes you sad and bitter and suicidal. if you genuinely believe youre broken, then you are. and you will stay broken until you heal, which you cant do if youre surrounded by other miserable broken people.

respectability politics 101: society thinks youre broken for being plural. if you agree with them, there is no way to challenge the stigma of your disorder. you wont improve, or find people who accept you. they have no reason to-- after all, youre a freak, right? and youll stay the same. sad, bitter, broken.

[thehumanexperience8b]

March 11th, 2024: Different Perspectives

We have something inside us that makes us stubborn about hearing other people’s opinions especially if we’re headstrong about our own. People do not want to be wrong. I fall victim to this sometimes, but I try to catch myself, put aside my preconceived opinions about things and learn from first hand experience. As of late, I came across a video on YouTube from a man I recognized, but I couldn’t place the name. When I looked in the description, I realized this was one of those infamous raw meat diet men that claimed vegetables are toxic. I don’t really know about that, although I’d love to see where that came from!! But I didn’t come to watch this video he posted about the carnivore diet, I came to see what secret ingredients in McDonald's food I didn’t know about! When I watched the video everything he talked about was simple, and a lot of things I already knew, facts about seed oils, trans fats, chemicals, all the things that make fast food so appetizing to some, but disgusting to others. At the end of the day, the video was still valuable despite his history of some odd claims about plants. Society has a big problem right now about learning something about a person or thing and making judgements about someone. Although I don’t like using the term “humble,” though sometimes we do need to take a step back and humble ourselves. We’re all human, and we jump to conclusions about a lot of things. But having understanding and trust is an essential building block for a happy life. There’s no problem with having strong beliefs, but make sure you’re making informed choices and using critical thinking skills before shaming someone else. We see this many times over and over again in today’s political climate. Because of the two party system, once you pick one side you automatically have a cognitive bias against the other. What’s interesting is that both major parties have a lot more in common than they’d like to admit. But this entry isn’t about politics. So what can you do to have a better understanding of someone, or things in general? Well, if it’s a person you can obviously spend some more time around them, learn what they really think, how they act, what kind of energy they emit. For certain topics, and this is a great skill for understanding people, is that you need to believe most people are working “for the light.” They all think they’re making reasonable choices that will do something good in the long run. I’ve never actually met someone who’s unreasonable, or irrational. To be irrational is to lack substance or thought, but isn’t the labeling of someone as “irrational” just as thought-less? Maybe this person is being counter-intuitive or very against your own beliefs but that doesn’t mean they are without reason in some way. I pity the person who cannot see that their “rational” is seen just as irrational to the other. These types of people are one in the same. So come forth!!!! Please let the world see that we’re all trying our best to do what is right in our eyes. Now if we all understand each other, and if we hear each criticism from each other and share our thoughts, we can evolve to create a super-idea that could be fool-proof in really changing the course of humanity!!! True understanding is the next step!

“There's a light we share between us, when your Heart's an open door. When we care for one another. We won't have to look for Heaven anymore.” -Heaven. The Orion Experience

[cazort]

Reblogging stuff about the situation in Gaza / Palestine and Israel is great and all, but this alone is not going to solve the problems. For the most part, it is the same people circulating the items and we are not going to tip public sentiment unless we get the information to reach new people.

What this means is that you need to reach out to people who are not currently talking about it.

There are a lot of reasons why people might not be talking about it, and it is important to approach them in different ways:

Some people may see conflicting information and don't know what to think. When talking to these people, it is important for you to not just say what you believe and share information, but to tell them why you trust certain sources and not others, and to talk about them about how you came to the conclusions that you do.

Some people may have an opinion, and want to speak up, but may be afraid to do so because of career consequences. In this case, you might actually be able to advance things by listening to this person, and then telling their story (anonymously) so that you can help others realize how people are being pressured and bullied into remaining silent. In other cases, you might be able to convince someone to take action privately, such as by talking to people they know personally and convincing others to take action openly.

Some people may disagree with you and/or be skeptical of the information you are trying to share with them. It is important not to dismiss these people or approach them in an all-or-nothing way. For example, I have found people who support Israel's current government, have often still been troubled when they have learned that Netanyahu's government supported Hamas for years and that one of his ministers considered Hamas an "asset". Even conservatives in Israel are talking about this. It is this sort of thing that causes the Israeli regime's narrative to start to crumble.

Some people may care about the situation and want to help but may simply not know what to do. You can give these people concrete ideas of things to do, like you could ask them if they would write their representative or senators with a specific message (like I have been telling them to cut off military aid to Israel and to make our ambassador stop voting no on resolutions condemning Israel), or you could ask them if they would be willing to share certain materials, or if they would be willing to talk to others in their life to get people talking about these issues.

Some people may care, but may not believe that they can make a difference. You cannot always get through to these people, but you can try to encourage them and tell them that you think certain choices will make a difference and why. You can also ask them to do things for you even if they are still cynical or wary about whether they will make a difference. You can also point out that it's valuable taking a stand for what is right even if you think it is a lost cause.

But I will say, I definitely do not think the situation in Gaza is a lost cause. It is, perhaps, for the lives already lost. But even that is not fully lost because the names can be circulated and memorialized.

And I do think we are seeing a tipping point approaching on the issue. A month ago, I rarely saw anyone in the US publicly criticize the Israeli government. Now I am seeing most of my closest friends doing it every day. My parents are talking about it. I'm even seeing some critical coverage in mainstream media that had previously been pretty friendly to Israel.

Our actions will decide whether this momentum keeps up or not.

And, by all means, keep reblogging stuff. But do not stop at this.

You need to get out there and talk to people. And you need to talk to people who are not currently talking about this stuff, people you have strong relationships with, people who trust you, like you, and who will listen to your perspective. This is how we will achieve change.

[sunset-a-story]

Good day! I had a couple of questions for you, no need to feel pressured to answer if they don't apply ^~^. I've recently run into an issue while writing and I'm looking for advice.

Do you have beta readers? If so, how do you handle the ones that try to take over your writing? I.E. They try to bully you into writing in a different voice, they assume to know more than you about the story and try to tell you how characters act, or tell you that you're writing your own plot wrong- including any foreshadowing bits or lack thereof (for plot reasons, of course). And finally, how do you handle the ones that act like their your friend only to steal major elements of your story because "I can do it better than you"? (Or conversely accused you of stealing from them just because something you did was apparently really close to something they did?)

Thank you for your time!

Uh, first off--what the cinnamon toast fuck. That sucks and I'm very sorry that any of that is shit you have come up against. Gottdamn. I am far from an expert here but as far as pushy beta readers: I went to a very small college for my creative writing degree and the brutal critiques taught me something they probably didn't intend: the ability to recognize that sometimes everyone else is wrong and it's okay to throw their opinions in the trash.

I got used to getting shredded in workshops, sometimes justifiably so and sometimes not. Sure, it's vital to be open to critique but not all feedback is equally valuable. Ex. I once sat there listening to the whole class and professor harping for half an hour on not understanding who these characters were to each other in a story of mine while I, not allowed to speak, sat with my pen--circling all the instances of the word "sister" that they'd somehow all failed to read.

So I got a lot of experience getting 12 different, very confident opinions of what was wrong with my story & how to fix it and being able to look at that and recognize, "Nope, you're all wrong."

To have a meeting with a professor to receive suggestions/feedback on a senior project and say, "I'm not doing that. You've missed the point," and have that be an acceptable answer--and get an A.

That's not every time. It's not like I was always right. Far from it and I got lots of constructive crit that improved my writing which I am beyond grateful for. But for the kind of feedback you're talking about? You know your characters and story better than anyone. And yeah, you're not writing the story the way they would write it, but you're the one telling the fucking story. You are under no obligation to put their notes into action. Not doing what they suggest is not an attack on them. If they're mad about that, they've misunderstood their role.

So I'd probably handle that by reiterating the type of feedback you want. I've specified certain things to my readers like "Can you follow the plot/world-building?" "What/who is keeping you interested?" "What/who is losing your attention?" That kind of stuff. Or stop giving them any more fiction.

I currently have three beta readers for Sunset and all three are close, trusted friends. Despite working on this story for around a decade, prior to a year or so ago, we hadn't shared it with anyone (except our best friend who sadly died in 2020) because of anxiety around exactly what you're talking about. Even when I know everything above to be true, it's still stressful.

I can say I've had readers either coming in with their own expectations or narrative getting a character completely wrong and kind of hanging onto that point of view and forcing it into the story. "I don't think X would do that." etc. It's frustrating but I just set it aside to compare with other readers' take on it to see if it's a them-problem or a me-problem and decide what needs refining to prevent that reaction. As far as stealing, I wish I had an answer for you. That all sounds terrible. People are always going to steal and, again, I'm sorry you've dealt with that.

I'm naive I guess because I could never imagine doing that to someone but people do. Hell, we had a visiting big-ish name writer come to our college who outright copped to stealing a line from one of our professor's books. It's gross. People kinda suck. It's something we worry about.

All I can say there is, they can't tell the story the way we can. They can steal the interior design but we have the foundation in our heads. We know what's on the second floor and which stairs squeak when you step on them. I guess that's what I would tell myself.

I don't know if I got too wordy there or too serious or whatnot, but those are my thoughts. Feel free to throw my suggestions in the trash too. You know your story.

Thanks for the questions and good luck!

[surrealcatharsis]

grudges

Part of me believes that I sound "spoiled" for revealing these emotions and desires, but here we go. I'm writing on Tumblr for no one to see and to transform these emotions.

My mom and mother in law are planning baby showers for me (in two respective locations, WA and HI) and I have a lot of emotions coming up around it.

Generally, I have anxiety about gathering people together around me. Partially because I have always had a hang up over gathering different people from my life together, worried they won't get along, feel comfortable, or really enjoy themselves. I think I feel this way because I have always had rich friends and poor friends, and I've noticed a gap in perspectives between the two. I just want everyone to engage with each other and frankly I don't know how to foster that. Additionally, when I think of how to make gatherings more meaningful, it involves a talk story circle, where everyone shares something from their heart. I just don't trust either of my main hosts to enact something like that, frankly because I don't think they are use to it. In my mom's case, we didn't grow up with that behavior. However, it's something that I cultivate in my life now, with my friends in Hawai'i.

Spokane, Mom: This baby shower gives me anxiety because I don't trust my mom to lead a gathering that is meaningful or aesthetic to me. My mom has very cheap, sporadic style, which often times comes across as disorganized, which she is. I always felt embarrassed of that growing up, and I suppose that still really hinders me from allowing myself to trust her to make a gathering that I would be proud to invite my friends to. I feel resentful to her for that, because I guess it always made me feel poor and inadequate. Additionally, like I said, my mom is very disorganized. So, she doesn't decide to start planning my baby shower until a week before. In which case, she's just running around like a chicken with her head off and coming to me for decision making, which is literally not suppose to be the job of the mother being honored. I ended up staying up late last night, doing basic research about baby shower planning so she could have a checklist for the shower. In my opinion, I didn't need to do that but I honestly do not see my mother as being capable of that. Additionally, when she has confronted me about decision making, she is usually coming to me in a stressed manner and tone, which therefore stresses me out unnecessarily. It frustrates me, and like I said earlier, I feel some sort of resentment against my mother. Because of her bipolar disorder, I feel I had to take on a more responsible role from a young age, e.g. help her get to work on time, make my own lunches in 1st grade, help her calm down way more than the other way around, help her with basic life functioning like finding her keys (which wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't her chronic subconscious game with herself). I have a lot of resentment for those things, and I don't want to hold it against her now or become bitter. But I feel bitter in this moment and as if I never really had a mother but rather someone to take care of. That's how I feel when she insists on having a baby shower for me, completely unprepared and coming to me for help. It wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't explicitly tell her that I didn't care to have one. On top of all this, I do feel like the baby shower is for her and her friends. I do however want to just enjoy people I haven't seen for a long time and I want to practice the art of gathering. It's just I'm having a really hard time trusting my mom. Its frustrating. And I want it to be special, which means that I want the gathering to be meaningful rather than a typical baby shower. I want people to leave feeling like they got something valuable and reflective from their experience.

Hawaii, Mom in Law: Makana's mom wants to have my baby shower at her house. I told Makana that I wanted it at the beach. She asked me directly if we could have it at her house because it is easier for decorations and food prep. I am crying right now actually, because I really wanted to have it at the beach. I also really wanted to have my baby shower at a park in Spokane but my friend and mom thought we should have it outside due to potentially cold weather. I know I am being emotional but I didn't even want to have baby showers to begin with for the exact reason that I don't like typical baby showers. It just makes me upset because I want to enjoy my own baby shower. I'm sure I will no matter what happens.

I guess sometimes I really just want things to go my own way. I'm having a hard time just giving it up and letting it go. I got to let go and let God now.

[uncloseted]

I recently sent a few chapters of my first draft for my novel to my coworker who is amazing and who has the same degree as me in English. she offered to be a beta reader and add her comments which was great, but after getting her comments I feel like some were a bit unnecessary.

My characters are from England (I'm American), and I've watched english shows my whole life and grew up with the accents, the dialect, etc. so I knew what I was saying when I included certain phrasing in my novel, plus I researched before including anything that relates to dialect and regional dialect. My coworker (American) made comments about things like I didn't know what I was talking about and pointing out things that I feel she just wasn't really thinking about.

The constructive comments were really good! But some of the other comments I felt were a bit... passive aggressive. At certain points she would just say things in the comments like: "No." or "WHY?!" or "Grumble grumble..." and it's like??? I love your helpful comments, but I feel like this doesn't help me at all. She doesn't usually read romance, she sticks to crime or sci-fi, so I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I really enjoy the idea for my novel and think it's strong. Of course, it's still early days, but I don't know. I think she's helpful but for most of her comments, I could explain why I did something in answer to her comments.

Should I not send her the rest of my novel? I feel like she's not really getting the whole picture at times...

Thank you!

I think any time you share a work in progress with someone who's not a professional in the publishing industry (like a beta reader or editor), you'll get some feedback that's helpful and some that's irrelevant. It's okay to look through their feedback and to say "these are the things I think are valuable and these are the things I'll be ignoring." If you've done your research on regional dialects and are sure you have it right, feel free to throw that commentary out. If she's saying something more along the lines of, "I know this is accurate, but it will make this part incomprehensible to readers who aren't from a particular area of England", then it might be worth at least considering whether to swap the dialogue out for something more generic, even if you ultimately decide to keep it as is. With the little comments like "no!" and "why?!", I think she's trying to give you a view into her emotional reactions throughout the story as well as her thoughts about what you could do differently, which I think may actually be really useful. If she's commented "WHY?!" on a part that's not supposed to elicit that reaction, maybe the story is creating a different emotional journey than you intended. It's also worth remembering that she only has a few chapters of a first draft- she doesn't have the full picture in her head the way you do, and so her interpretation of what she's reading is naturally going to be different from your idea of who these characters are and where the story is going.

Accepting criticism is hard, especially with work as personal as novels. I think when we share our work with others, we're secretly hoping that they'll love it as much as we do and have no criticism. So I think it's natural to want to push back and say, "no, I did that for a reason, you're just not understanding my vision." I think for a lot of people, criticism of their work feels like criticism of them as a person or of their innate talent as a writer.

But... that's not really what it is. Constructive criticism is just a lens into the feelings, opinions, and confusions a potential reader might have so that the writer can achieve their vision more effectively. It's also worth remembering that different readers will feel differently about the work. Just because one person isn't responding the way you expected doesn't mean that nobody will. But on the flip side, you can't expect that all readers will have your background and understanding, either. Unless you're trying to target a very specific demographic, it may be worth making some narrative concessions for the sake of readability. So for each piece of feedback, I think it's important to be able to take a step back and ask yourself if you're feeling defensive even though the advice is good, or whether the advice is something you disagree with from a narrative or artistic perspective.

At the end of the day, you're not obligated to accept every piece of feedback that you get. Take what feels right for your project and throw away the rest. You know what will work best for the novel that you're trying to write. As for whether or not to send her the rest of the novel, I think it depends on whether or not you feel like getting her feedback will ultimately lead to a better book. If you think it would, it's probably worth continuing to send her chapters. If not, maybe it's better to send it to someone else you know instead or to join a community of writers who provide criticism on each other's work.

[ederiiis]

Critical Self-Reflectivity

About a year ago in 2022, Will Smith was banned from attending the

Academy Awards for a decade after the ‘slapping’ incident with Chris Rock on stage. Regardless stating that it was the consequences of overwhelming unpleasant emotions and experiences he kept in, Will Smith did express his regret in an interview with Noah and acknowledged it was not justified and not who he wanted to be. 

It is important to constantly be self aware of the things around me and how it affects me both physically and emotionally. Always take a step back to identify with an honest and open mind, what caused me to be and feel a certain way? This will help me to understand the things that can trigger me and help me find ways to regulate those feelings. 

Regulating feelings requires practice and discipline. As a student, coping with many responsibilities, this is an essential skill to keep me calm and composed when stressful moments arrive. It helps me to ensure I don’t act impulsively and irrationally. I personally talk to myself alot and analyse how and why I do certain things, which is why I deem it very important to choose carefully the words I say and how I choose to speak to the people around me but especially to myself.

I believe that practising empathy towards others will also help in reducing selfishness when interacting with others in instances like sharing differing opinions. We will often meet people that have opposing views to us as we are influenced by various experiences and backgrounds. It is important to be able to put myself in someone else’s shoes and try to understand where they are coming from. This will also encourage a motivating culture that encourages exchange of ideas and perspectives around me, contributing to my ability to adapt well to changes and expanding my knowledge.

This is highly valuable to me as a designer and a student as I am at the stage where I am still new and lack experience. I need to be able to interact well with others whilst also conserving my own identity as well as gain as much exposure and knowledge from other students and designers around me.

Referances

“Will Smith on Slapping Chris Rock at Oscars: I Lost It.” The Straits Times, 30 Nov. 2022, www.straitstimes.com/life/entertainment/will-smith-on-slapping-chris-rock-at-oscars-i-lost-it. Accessed 24 Nov. 2023.

[wishesmsg]

10 Women's Clothing and Accessories That Seduce Men

In this content, we talked about 10 women's clothing items that you wouldn't believe are considered sexy by men, contrary to clichéd ideas of sexiness. Men are often a mystery to women. Many things that you might not consider sexy could drive them crazy. You may have an idea about the clothes and accessories that make you look sexy on an important date. However, some men can be attracted to completely different things. Here are the clothing and accessories that seduce men... -

Glasses

Many boys have a fantasy of seducing their teachers at school or the girls who constantly study in the library during their adolescence. The low probability of this actually happening makes these women even more attractive to them. Anything unattainable is valuable. Glasses create a strong effect on men who have this feeling, making them go crazy. That's why we recommend wearing glasses that suit you if you want to impress someone. -

Leather Clothing

Leather clothing always shows confidence and dominance in women, which men find attractive. Leather clothes create the impression that women are in control, and it is a detail that truly seduces men. There are millions of men who find the intimidating look of women in leather sexy. -

Leggings

Yoga pants and workout leggings are signs of an unkempt look in women's fashion. However, men don't share the same opinion. We all know that men fall in love with their eyes. These leggings that completely wrap around your body give men significant hints about your naked appearance. There is no man who can resist a woman wearing leggings. -

Men's Clothing

There is a truth that many women are now sure about. A woman wearing her boyfriend's shirt is attractive. The way that clothes that are considered masculine look on a woman seduces every man. -

High Heels

Men can't resist women wearing high heels. High heels give women a confident and sexy appearance. The emphasis on the ankle and the elevated buttocks make high heels attractive to every man. -

Athletic Shoes

High heels are always a valid element of sex appeal. However, athletic shoes are also considered attractive by most men because they make women look more athletic. You don't have to endure the pain of wearing high heels every day to impress a man. A carefully chosen athletic shoe will do the trick. -

Crop Tops

Yes, cleavage is something that drives men crazy, but the same applies to belly cleavage. Even after years, men still find Shakira attractive for this reason. Don't be afraid to show off your belly because men love it. -

Lace Clothes and Lingerie

Most men love transparent clothes. The reason for this is that it evokes partial nudity instead of a completely naked body. Your skin visible through lace clothes gives a man the pleasure of imagining you naked. Understanding what this means to them is quite difficult, but we can say that it stimulates their fantasy world. -

High Boots

Boots are a sensual element for most men. Perhaps the sexy appearance of long boots that wrap around the legs and make them look longer is related to this. Boots that make women look sexy and elegant also emphasize their calves and hips. That's why they attract a lot of attention. -

Little Black Dresses

You can't understand what a black dress wrapped around a body means to a man. For men, these dresses immediately evoke the desire to possess. The body under this garment is always a matter of curiosity for them.

How to seduce a man?

There are many ways to seduce a man. Some of the most effective ones include smelling good, taking care of your appearance, making the first move when necessary, showing him that you value him, talking about common interests, expressing your desire for him, and being confident.

What are some things that attract men?

There are a few things that can attract men such as being straightforward, giving them seductive looks, wearing red lipstick, wearing high heels, and engaging in arousing conversations.

What do men want in a relationship?

All men want to be valued and feel important in their relationships. It is important to remember that men want to be with a partner who can walk alongside them in life. Making him feel that you are there for him is what every man desires.

What do men like about the female body?

Curvy hips, soft skin, delicate nape, a collarbone that extends from one end to the other, a curvy back, and attractive thighs are areas that men find attractive. If you pay attention to how you dress to showcase these areas, there is no man you can't attract.

How can you impress a man on the phone?

It is possible to impress men without being face to face. Being straightforward, using loving words, being sincere, making him feel good about himself, being relaxed, satisfying his ego, and being talkative when needed will impress men even when talking on the phone.

What makes a man not want to let go of a woman?

There are a few things that make you irreplaceable in a man's eyes. Being well-groomed, having a self-sacrificing character, being thoughtful, being emotional, dressing provocatively, and being trustworthy are qualities that men love. Women who possess these qualities are irreplaceable.

What kind of words do men like?

Men like words that satisfy their egos. "My man," "my love," "my life," "my world," "the owner of my heart," "my troublemaker," and "my lover" are among these words. Saying these words will make you irreplaceable in their eyes. Read the full article