#we do still share different opinions about things and it’s still valuable to talk about them

[dancingwithfoxes]

🍁 Merry Mabon! 🍁

below are some messages from gods/goddesses I felt called to share. ❤️🦊 I hope that at any point you find these messages, they are able to help you wherever necessary and give you the strength to be yourself wholly.

Baldur

“To control your emotions does not mean to avoid them we have to seek solace in the hard feelings we face and conquer. ”

foxglove • you may feel as though you do not recognise yourself anymore, or the path you've been taking feels very unfamiliar. Take some time to tether back to your inner self. This season is a moment to reflect on the ways you've changed and grown.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Bragi

“I've sat with my anger long enough to know its the calling of inner grief.”

henbane • it's believed that some used to crown the passed on with chaplets of henbane, helping them to forget their previous lives so they could move forward without regrets. Something is holding you back from moving on — it's time to forgive and move forward to find your freedom.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Eir

“We cannot simply sit and stare at the wounds we carry.”

thistle • known for being spiky and unwelcoming. However, they provide as a valuable component toward birds and pollinators. Thistles represent true fulfilment. You have so much to give, and the world around you is ready to give back. Whoever has entered or been a core part of your life is here to provide and remind you of the goodness within the world. You are not alone.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Ēostre

“Allow yourself to shine without the desire to be seen.”

chickweed • these are known as early-flowering herbs which appear when the rest of the world is still cold and bare. They are full of valuable nutrients and are proof of things returning to life. A series of blessings will make their way to you, they may appear quite modest and miniscule however, they hold much more meaning. You deserve it.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Freyja

“There are poems inside of you that even paper can't handle.”

mandrake • whether they are used in magical or medicinal ways, mandrakes have been valued for thousands of years by those who grow it. However it takes three years to reach its full potency. Do not judge yourself by the speed at which others grow; you need more time to reach your full potential and there is no shame in that.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Freyr

“Be patient when becoming someone you have never been before, it will take time to be comfortable in new shoes.”

crocus • speaking up for yourself may just be one of the hardest things to do, particularly if you've ever felt your opinion is not worth being heard. Being assertive does not mean coming across as aggressive; you're simply letting people know what your needs are. Allow yourself the chance to speak up. Something is weighing on you heavily that needs to be talked about.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Frigg

“Self love is the highest frequency that attracts everything you desire.”

basil • there is growth to be found in helping others achieve the same goal. A leaf of holy basil is placed on the forehead of the deceased to allow them to be seen. By giving your time and energy to others, you will draw the same good energy that you were giving away towards yourself. Remember, what you give is what you will receive.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Hel

“Please let go of the illusion that it could have been any different to how it played out.”

crocus • feelings not heard are feelings that shall linger much longer than necessary at times. Being honest and vocal about how you feel does not mean you are in any way selfish. Allow yourself the chance to speak up, hearts really are something to be cared for, by expressing hurt emotions we are releasing that weight even just a little.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Iðunn

“The truth is these scars are the living proof I was strong enough to make a change.”

the sickle • the sickle is not only a symbol of gathering harvest but also a sign of reaching the aftermath of a long and fruitful year. The challenges that you have faced are nearing their end, its time to reflect back on what has passed, both good and bad. Take those lessons and apply them to any obstacle you should find yourself faced with. This is also a reminder of the seasons being ever changing, a new season awaits.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Jörð

“Just because you are soft does not mean you are not a force. Honey and wildfires are both the colour of gold.”

citrus • common knowledge states citrus fruits are packed full of protective powers. You've been struck with a number of situations that you feel may be out of your control - but through the circumstances that caused them might be, the way you choose to handle them is not. You have the strength to govern how they come to affect you. Some battles can be won and some are best left alone; listen to your intuition, you already know what to do.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Loki

“Understand we cannot save everyone, you can only love them. You cannot transform for them, you can only hold onto and console when they are faced with the unknown parts of themselves.”

birch • the birch tree is beloved by many for its pure but determined energy. It is one of the first trees to grow leaves in the season of spring. Its also the first to grow back in an area which woodland is cleared; this tenacity is a symbol of strength to overcome hardships. They also represent a time of rebirth. This season brings a new chapter after realising and coming to terms with a situation. Don't let past difficulties make you jaded, enter this phase with confidence.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Máni

“Healing also means taking an honest look at the role you play in your own suffering.”

asphodel • in Corsica, where asphodel grows, a person who has been gone from their homeland for a long period of time is said to have 'forgotten the asphodel'. You may be feeling heavy nostalgia toward something that has long come to pass — could be an old friend, a place, or somewhere you found great solace in being. Reaching out to that friend or recreating that time or place is what you need right now, why are you holding back?

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Óðinn

“Allow the road ahead of you to speak louder than the one you're leaving behind.”

apple • everything has an ending. Whether it be today or a hundred years from now, nothing can truly stay as it is, and it's not always a bad thing. We naturally shy away from death or change, but don't forget that it too is in nature's plan. Something in your life needs closure, come to terms with it, embrace it and know that in its ending, something new and beautiful will soon emerge and find its way to you.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Sif

“Being there for others does not mean you get to leave yourself behind.”

aconite • you're facing a difficult or painful decision with no 'right' answer available yet. However in your heart of hearts, you already know what you need to do. Please don't agonise over it much longer than you have to. Named for the hills on which Hercules fought Cerberus, aconite promises there is relief to be had after the brief and challenging fallout of your decision. Know this won't last forever and is momentary.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Sigyn

“To bring in more abundance we sometimes have to pause and take a minute to appreciate the gifts we are already fortunate to have.”

foxglove • you may feel as though you havent had much fortune or good find you lately. It can be harder to appreciate the good when things feel a little stagnant and calm. There is peace in not having chaos. Acknowledge and reflect on the little things that speak louder, such as a warm cup of tea after a long day, an outpour of rain on a random Wednesday.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Sjöfn

“People tend to heal and grow the most when they are loved well.”

moonwart • these ferns have many magical properties ascribed to them, but one of the most prominent is their ability to undo or destroy any lock. Our minds are skilled at hiding away old griefs, unwanted feelings and stressful memories. In the long term these will become dangerous but now is the time to make sense of them. Take the opportunity to unlock those hidden spaces and clear out the cobwebs.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Skaði

“Indulge in the coming of solitude, and find your peace within the season of silence.”

blackthorn • Cailleach is the guardian of an ancient woodlands, she stands in the woods, back bent, raven on her shoulder and holding a staff of blackthorn. People may underestimate you, but you know your true power the lurks within. Don't let other people's opinions take away your confidence in your own magic.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Thor

“This too shall pass, the hard feelings you hold onto, the ones you fear being unearthed. I just need you to trust in me.”

rose • hanging a rose from a ceiling, a tradition which indicates that any conversation which takes place in its presence must be kept in confidence. Its time to finally open up and talk of what's been gnawing at you. Choose your confidant carefully, it may also be something they've been wanting to talk about. Your relationship can only grow stronger through the act of trusting each other.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Týr

“I've learned that in order to receive the good things, you need to believe you are deserving of them.”

tulip • there is a Persian tale which tells of a laborer who fell absolutely in love with a princess. To deter this person from pursuing the princess, the king set an impossible task; but upon seeing the person near to completing it, the king told them the princess had passed on. When he to passed, tulips began to grow from him. The moral being, don't let the lies and deceit of others deter you from achieving what you aim for. Don't be fooled by falsehoods that will keep you from greatness. You deserve good things, you are a good person.

[sir-subpar]

Alastor rant

Clearly I'm still working out the concepts, but I feel like I'm getting close and I wanted to talk about my ideas.

So, Alastor, the overlord, the sinner, the cannibal, the mysterious-

Okay, I'm messing around. Alastor does not live up to the description.

Alastor has Irked me for a while. I know all of the characters have, but Alastor in particular feels like one of the most disappointing, world breaking nothing of a character.

He's not scary, he doesn't look like a deer, his suit makes no sense, his motives don't make any sense.

He hates television yet the first thing we hear from him in the show is a TV ad. For some reason he's "really powerful" (for no reason), yet does next to nothing in the fight against Adam and is basically useless.

The only reason there's a manipulation works on Charlie is because she's written to be completely brainless. At least the pilot Charlie knew he was untrustworthy but was just trying to stick with her principles. Charlie in the show is a brainless mouth.

Alastor's rivalry with Lucifer is random, unexplained, and pointless.

I have a lot of issues with this "deer"

If only angel weapons can kill sinners, how come he does it all the time no problem? If he's ranked below Charlie why is she scared of him? If he doesn't believe in this hotel and does nothing to gain from it personally, why is he there? He doesn't even seem that happy to be there most of the time. Sure he smiles, but he always does that.

Why is he here?

What does he do? How does he help? How does he not help? Is he there to help? Is he there for entertainment like it was in the pilot? Does he like being there? Does he not like being there? Does he want to see the project fail or succeed? Does he care? Does he not care?

He is just.. there. He says some vague things that should be red flags, then does nothing.

(Maybe Charlie can't see the red flags because they blend in with every other red thing in the environment)

Also, I hate the fact that he's apparently asexual because he "can't find it in himsepf to care for others"

As an asexual person, I hate that so much. He doesn't need to have a reason to be asexual. He can just BE asexual. (Also being asexual does not mean that you don't care about people! It's just a way to describe a lack of sexual attraction and the different levels it's experienced.)

Also, for the longest time I had no idea Alastor was apparently mixed race. Apparently he is black or something? I honestly can't tell.

A lot of other people have discussed that though, and they would probably know more than I would as a white guy myself, so I reccomend seeing what POC have to say about it because they probably have more valuable things to share. Obviously, Racism is awful.

And it really doesn't help that one of the only characters in this show that's supposed to be a person of color, is a heartless, selfish, pompous cannibal.

If any person of color has something they would like to share, feel free to comment on this post, I want to hear a variety of opinions.

I have so many issues with this character, that redesigning him isn't enough for me. I want to completely reimagine him.

I will post that soon, I just wanted to let some of my frustrations out beforehand so I didn't make that post besides one novel. It will probably still be long, but hopefully this will shorten it a little bit.

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Dead Friend Forever - Post Ep 8 Theory Recap

This has taken a few days because I wanted to get all my thoughts in order. This show continues to be amazing and it continues to make wheels spin in my head. I am very happy that more people are starting to watch this amazing show.

Firstly I wanted to shout out some amazing post I have seen since episode 8 came out:

First this post for all the people readings this that have not caught up with DFF and are worried about Triggers/Squicks and the horror stuff there is this post by @wen-kexing-apologist

This post about the argument between Non's parents by @fracturediron

This post analyzing the movie posters in Non and Jin's room and what that might mean for the plot @lukaherehelp and this other post about the posters here by @syrena-del-mar

These two posts by @mikuni14 here (which raises an important point I will eleborate on later) and here (about Non's fate, an opinion I share, aka Non is dead - Although I wouldn't personally put it past Dr Sammon to find a way to have kept him alive that makes sense, like @respectthepetty point out here both Dr Sammon and the Pit Babe writers are not strangers to a character being "dead" then revealed to be alive. Of course both writers have killed a character before, but under very different circumstances, so it's not like there is no hope at all)

And finally last but not least this theory about Tan being New that I find very interesting here by @tbhimnoteasyonmyself

Ok now onto my thoughts.

I wanted to take a moment to appriciate how nuanced the depiction of Non's breakdown was this episode. So many horror stories relay on mental illness and disability to make their killers scary or crazy or deformed, that I have been worried about how this story will use those aspect of Non going further. While those worries have not gone away completely. They have significantly calmed down.

The writing makes it really obvious that it wants us to root for Non, and wants us to be at his side, and it's also makes it very clear that Non's breakdown this episode was due to all the factors componding, the bullying, the thing with the mafia and the cops, the money, family pressure, the thing with the teacher, the thing with Phee, it all just came to a head together. The breakdown doesn't rely soley on his mental illness.

The next part I found very interesting this episode was the argument between the parents and the absense of Non's brother still.

I think the fact that we have not seen Non try to reach out to his brother for comfort at all makes me think that their parents (especially their Mom) different treatment of the two of them drove a wedge between them. Which is probably going to make New even more angry and guilty. @tbhimnoteasyonmyself pointed this out in his post and I agree I do not think New has been told about anything before Non went missing, and given the fact that he is abroad, he might have not have had the oppurtinity to come back before. Althought if he is in the USA then there should be a way for him to say to the University, my brother went missing I have to go back and be allowed to do that witouth a major impact on his school. So I am assuming he went back after Non was called missing. Either his parents caved and told him, or someone send him either the news or the video of his brother online and then he got his parents to tell him the truth.

I am very curious about his mental state and why he is being kept so secret. The fact that there are no pictures and Non doesn't talk about him can be explained by the extrangment in universe, but I am more curious about the narrative/out of universe benefits/reasons for introducing New so late in the game. If he is Tan then we lost valuable time with a memeber of the cast, and if he is not then that actor is going to have to work double time to sell us on his character in such a short ammount of time.

Which brings us to the big mysteries, the things I am most curious about besides New, which are 1) Why did it take them so long to get revenge? 2) How many killers are there, and what is their plan exactly?

Like @mikuni14 pointed out in the post I linked above, it seems really weird that it would take them 3 years to get to their revenge plan. It doesn't really feel like it would be all that complicated to get that bunch of boys drunk or high and get some information out of them. So why wait? What killed their momentum?

I read a post (that I can't find anymore sorry) talking about how Keng seem to be working for someone to get information on Tee's Uncle. And that got me thinking about the shot of the newspaper with the news about Tee's Uncle

Which I can't translate fully but seems to hint that the uncle is being investigated about money laundry.

So, what if whover was working with Keng (probably journalist) are helping Phee and New/Tan (writing them like that because I am not sure if they are the same person or not) investing their brother but in turn they have to help them with Tee's Uncle. I'll explain.

If my theory about three killers is correct, then New is going to be someone else, someone older. He and Phee are going to connect first. Then they are going to get caught snooping by whover is building a case against Tee's Uncle (I am leaning towards journalists, Dr. Sammon as used the investigative journalist characters before), in which case Tan could be working with this other person. And this person team (side not Perth, could be a member of this other team as well, he went from background in a shot to rubbing Tee's Uncle shoulders in the most recent episode) could coinvince Phee and New to help them, you help us with the this mafia guy we help you find out what happened to Non.

I think this theory works both with New being a third person and with Tan being the brother. It would just mean that they are getting helped by someone from this other team. I am voting for Perth because he has a connection to Tee and I have seen a lot of reactions video clips from the cast to various episodes and he is always with them, like he is playing an important role not just a random side character.

It could explain why it's taking them so long, they have to take out the Uncle first, he is the big shot, the real criminal, the one with the weapons. The one that actually knows what happened to Non. Which means that if he is dead, Phi and New might have just gotten confirmation on it, which would made them pretty damn angry. And it would mean that them asking questions to the boys was less about figuring out what they did and more get them to confess.

That is all I have for now. I really love how much this show is getting me to ask questions and giving me a push to make more posts. This show continues to be great and I can't wait to see the finale.

EDIT: Literally just saw this post on @respectthepetty's blong but apparently the Uncle is dead. I am going insane.

I think my theory still holds. I am definately sure there are three killers and Perth is helping the third killer or is the third killer (depending on If Non is alive, which is looking a bit more likely, if Tan is New or if New is someone else).

I now think that this other team/person that was getting Keng to help was not a journalist but had their own motivations. Like a vigilante maybe, someone who killed before and who would be 100% comfartable taking out a guy by decapitating him, like with Uncle Dang??

But it does makes sense it's taking them this long, Tee's uncle look like a big shot it must not be easy to take him out.

[allgoldenelite]

NOAH New Year show translations

Rather than reposting the screenshots from Twitter here, I'm gonna make my tls an original post here on Tumblr.

bummers ahead, please proceed with care

Ibushi: (tl link)

"I got scammed by a place called C5 Clinic* that I tweeted about before, which has branches in the whole country. Please be careful, everyone.

I think NOAH will release information about my surgery and bone fractures and dislocation and such. I'm sorry to everyone for the inexcusable match. Everything is my fault."

*this clinic specializes in adipose tissue stem cell treatment

Ibushi: (tl link)

"Sorry for the late message. I think there will be a detailed report from NOAH, but I'm letting you know that my left ankle is a mangled mess, and I'll have surgery for the right [ankle] ligament. I think there will be a release [by NOAH] soon.

I'm really, really sorry."

Ibushi: (tl link)

"I've come [this far] with the goal of getting 20 years [in ring career], so I think it might be time soon [to quit] being an active [wrestler]. I still have a lot of contracts and such left so I'll see those through!

I try not to think too much about the negative things or the future and stuff like that, but I have a lot of things [to do] like taking care of my mother, so when it's time I'll talk about it! Don't miss a single match😊 ‼️ "

Jake Lee: (tl link)

"It's not about whose fault it is or anything like that

Everyone awaits you standing in the ring again

That's what I believe."

more under the cut

Marufuji: (tl link)

"Good morning. [The] Ariake Arena [show] was a couple days ago.

I'm going to assume that you understand that as professionals, we have to share perfection with everyone.

I feel sorry to the fans who, spending good money and valuable time, came to watch what could not meet the expectations, if you listen to a lot of the opinions.

I write "a lot of opinions" because there are people who hold a different opinion than that.

I can't write in detail here about the two different sides, but...

I think among the staff there are probably people from either side.

So there are among the wrestlers.

"As professionals, we have to share perfection with everyone": In the end, I've certainly learned a lot from being unable to share that.

[When you're] going for sharing perfection, it's also important to take big risks.

I myself ascribe to both.

But when you gamble, sometimes you fail.

I think as people, we often want to walk the path that's safe for ourselves. I think there is an incredible amount of pressure on those who challenge themselves to taking big risks with shows that they have a responsibility for because many other people aside from themselves are involved.

I want to convey my thanks to those people. And at the same time, I want to urge [everyone] to work hard so that we, based on what happened, change the things we can change and head for a brighter future.

There have been a lot of developments on the part of the wrestlers as well, so I think it'll be exciting as long as everyone can keep their professionalism.

I wasn't able to watch New Japan's Tokyo Dome show yesterday, but the news were everywhere.

In the end it is frustrating.

And also I, you know [...]

I wasn't able to show what I'm made of at all.

I think personally, I have to try and search for something new. That goes for moves and for where I stand as well.

I feel like if I don't, then [my career] is just going to end like with me as a boring wrestler.

Because I'm a guy who does what he decides to do (I [shouldn't] say this myself]...

Look forward to it."

underneath that post was a reply by someone going:

"I agree with the risk taking thing. But what bothers me is, I think Ibushi is under contract with AEW for the time being, however through this failed gamble he got injured and I worry about how the other side [AEW] is going to react to that. Looking at it that way, I think I can't agree with a gamble that involves a wrestler from another promotion."

and then someone else replied to that:

"Ibushi came into this already injured so you don't have to write that Marufuji injured him or something, do your research before you post"

and to that Ibushi replied: (tl link)

"I was in the best condition I could've been in to walk 500 meters, not exactly [have a] match. But I gave in to [NOAH?] negotiating with me 3 or 4 times like 'can't you please make it work?' It's my fault."

NOAH: (tl link)

"An announcement about Ibushi Kôta's medical diagnosis

As a result of a thorough examination, Ibushi Kôta, who suffered injuries during the NOAH Ariake Arena show on January 2nd, has been diagnosed with a complex injury of the lateral ankle ligament of the right foot, along with a rupture of the tibiofibular ligament of his right leg.

Regarding the left foot, there will be a separate thorough examination and dedicated treatment.

As soon as we learn more we will let you know further.

We deeply apologize for any inconvenience and concerns we caused the fans and every single person involved, and ask for your understanding and cooperation."

[gege-wondering-around]

Chris and Derek are a goated duo

I feel like we - if you think the same of course - were robbed of a very powerful and amazing duo - just so you know I'm gonna analysis both characters simultaneously and how they evolved be the two faces of the same coin.

Character analysis:

Both Derek and Chris have a strong sense of justice and duty despite the way they showed it in the early seasons and have great strength in their own fields, that be in combact with weapons or claws.

They are both very family-guided or have a lot of interest in their own families, that being staying in the family business or fighting for their own family and pride.

They both ends up being the only one left - in a generalize measure - of their own families/clans and brings changes to their own after being faced with another prospective that 'lets everyone lives'. And they are both willing to take the risk - whatever it might be - to save others' while being already severely injured.

Both have being 'teachers' to their respective 'young ones' and did fairly well somehow. Chris had Allison and she turned out to be very strong and leader-like, while derek had Isacc, Boyd and Erica and despite the fact two of them died, Derek managed to still teach them something rather valuable about being werewolves.

How they evolved to 'the coin':

throughout the seasons they ends up being the only one they can rely onto when something new comes up or when they need to get information or help to deal with something.

And don't get me wrong, they have other people too, but you remeber it too that Chris specificly went to find Derek in the middle of Brazil and was the only one who remotely knew something about Derek?

Also, example of this is when they were talking about the nogitsune while being imprisoned at the police station, they share their opinions about what to do with Stiles while possessed and despite having different povs they ends up working on it together, especially because they both wanted to save a life and not take one more.

And as they both were the 'bad guys' at the start of the show they surely did a turn around and became some of the 'best guys' who protects people whenever is needed, no questions asked.

Chris Arget passed from hunting down supernatural creatures to helping them killing the actually bad ones, and not killing regardless of being guilty or innocent of any crime.

Derek Hale went from ripping people's throats out almost without a second though on the matter, caring only about power and building a pack for himself, to actually caring for the people he ends up with and not caring about being the Alpha of the situation.

And so, they are opposite yet the same, their willpower leads them the same way but along different paths, they want the same things but try to achive them in two distant ways, they have the same start - as the 'bad one' to someone - but ends up regaining people's respect and love.

Most of the time, this 'two face of the same coin' has a bad interpretation, but I don't think it does right now. If the coin has to faces, no matter how different the faces are, how opposite they might be, they are still part of the same coin. They have the same roots just different branches, maybe different leaves but same fruits.

You might be doing something one way and I might be doing it the other, but if our goal is the same they we are part of the same thing deep down, casue what we are looking for and trying to achive is the same. We are just two different people, and the same goes for opinions, idea, ways of being/working/expressing yourself.

And sometimes you might need someone who does things differelty than you, despite having the same goal, cause maybe what you are failing to understand is what they are the best at and viceversa, so you need the other half of the information to find the solution.

Lastly:

If Chris is willing to kill to protect even if it means killing someone you also care for, then Derek is willing to take the risk, even only upon himself alone, to get back the people he loves.

The difference is: Chris is willing to make a sacrifice, Derek is willing to be it.

(almost all the time)

The goated duo:

So, I believe they are a goated duo that could easily take down almost anything or anyone if needed, when they worked together. That they evolved to be better almost together since I think they both learned something from one another.

They went from total enemies to best allies and they are both the best at what they do cause they basically saw it all. They hold such strength on their own that if they worked together - which they don't do on the field (from what I can tell from the show and the movie - they could probably hunt down the bad guys and be done with them in a few business days.

They would've been a powerful duo if only they had the time to be it.

[mindibindi]

hey! sorry for bothering you, but i as a fellow x-phile i would like to ask how credible it is that gillian anderson and david duchovny hated each other back in the day? there are probably quotes or something but i can't really judge anything this late after the fact. i did watch the show when it aired but i was too young to get into internet culture. anyway, i'm hoping for some wisdom from fans who remember this. :) thank you!

Hey Anon,

It’s no bother and thanks for the ask. And actually, after the fact is a good position from which to view this matter since, as we all now know, Gillovny’s story has a happy ending. I was around for the original run too but internet culture was very different then. Not everyone was constantly online, I certainly wasn’t. The internet was expensive and hard to access so I got a couple of hours per week tops, which I mostly used to read fanfic. (Fanfic for this show/ship was basically my fanfic writer origin story: I was like WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS TOO???!!! And btw: readers complain these days about the pressure to respond to fanfic. Back in the day, you had to compose a whole fricking email if you wanted to badger your fave author for more. And there was certainly no easy kudos button option to make you feel like you’d done your bit to encourage community. Anyway.)

There were fan sites, message boards and lots of different fanfic archives. And sure, there was some gossip but it still mostly came via old print media. Pre-social-media, there wasn’t a direct line to celebrities or any great expectation placed on them interact with fans in regular, intimate ways. The advent of social media has created these parasocial relationships in which (some) fans think they know or have a right to far more than they do. Back in the day, and istg this is true, I posted a picture of DD with Blue in the surf on some now defunct message board. The moderators removed it and v kindly said: nope, against our guidelines, no images of private moments taken without the person’s consent. I mean…. talk about boundaries! My baby fangirl ass was properly chastised and learnt a valuable lesson. I think we can learn a thing or two from early internet culture and original fans, some of which are still knocking about this site.

Anyway, all of this is to say, I don’t have any special insight here. The only people who know in any great detail what truly went on in DD and GA’s relationship is them, and maybe a few people in their immediate vicinity. But XF fans are lucky enough to stan two very honest, emotionally thoughtful people who have shared with us some of the challenges they faced during the show’s original run. And, for better or worse, when people tell you who they are, I tend to believe them. Yes, there are other fans that can probably provide you with quotes and timelines and (wild) speculation, but I think I know enough to give a fairly objective opinion on what I think actually occurred. For me, the most pertinent quote here is Gillian’s characterisation of their relationship as being like “a forced marriage”. I take this to mean that, like any marriage, there was great intimacy, respect, cooperation and commitment. Maybe even love. But there was also a lack of choice that caused tension, despite multiple positive relational elements.

“Tension” is a word that has also been applied to their late-90s relationship and I think it’s probably more accurate. I don’t think they HATE hated each other. But I think they probably had fleeting moments of feeling: OMG this person is getting on my last sane nerve, I cannot stand to be around them another fricking second. I think the protracted and concentrated intimacy of their circumstances gave rise to SOME super understandable negative feelings that ultimately, did not define the true nature of their relationship, either then or now. I don’t think those feelings were all there was, even back then. I don’t think these two were epic lovers any more than they were bitter enemies. I think they were just two human beings attempting to function under super intense scrutiny and an extremely gruelling work schedule. And that at times resulted in tension or irritation which they found ways around. Talking to each other only as Mulder and Scully may sound terrible to some but I think it’s a rather ingenious way to conserve their energy for their jobs. It shows an incredible commitment to their characters, to the show and to the contribution the other was bringing to that celebrated dynamic. They knew it was important so that's where they focused.

We have all had times in relationships where we’ve needed some space, even from someone we like, love, respect and value. If anyone was struggling to understand this dynamic between DD and GA then recent experiences of lockdown should have provided some insight into this kind of intense forced intimacy. Now, I have never been married but I’ve lived with people and that experience will make you loathe how a person walks, breathes, sleeps, eats, does the smallest, most insignificant things. It’s not the permanent state of your relationship. It’s just a passing reaction. It does not matter how much you might like or appreciate this person. In one bright flash, they become the most infuriating person to ever walk the planet. Then you go into another room or go to work and the feeling fades. But what happens when you can’t get away, you actually can’t get the sort of space a healthy relationship needs? We all saw how lockdown increased the pressure on all relationships, especially partnerships and marriages. There was pressure within and without and people reacted naturally to profoundly unnatural circumstances. That’s all that happened here.

Now, it must be pointed out that even during periods of the original run when their relationship was supposedly suffering, there is footage of them having fun on-set and ruining takes by making out. This supports the idea that any “hate” was an understandable but impermanent reaction for both. Actually, I think it is highly admirable that they were able to collaborate together and remain individually sane while experiencing such relational tension. It shows incredible personal fortitude and professional commitment. They stayed focused and pragmatic and, to me, there is never any indication that their personal struggles impacted the final product. In fact, I believe they actually enhanced Mulder and Scully’s relationship in those middle years of the original run when they too were experiencing some growing pains in their relationship. I’m thinking of the raw emotion in that end scene of “Elegy” and the palpable impatience and antagonism in “Gethsemane”. I’m thinking of the division and sadness in the hospital scene in “The Red and the Black” and throughout “The End”. Like Mulder and Scully, David and Gillian have some fundamental similarities and some very distinct differences. For the first few years of the series they were living very different lives. It took them time to attune to each other, just as it took Mulder and Scully time to fully absorb the many intricate dimensions of their relationship. As DD and GA grew older, their lives became more similar and their understanding of each other likewise grew. And honestly, I think it’s somewhat hypocritical and inhuman to appreciate the many complex beats of the M/S relationship as it plays out on-screen, but then judge their real-life counterparts as they tread an equally complex path towards true understanding, appreciation and love.

I haven’t watched TXF in years and in my recent rewatch, I was surprised actually at just how combative this relationship could be. I had only remembered all the sweet, shippy bits! But (and I should not really have to point this out) that's also what is so compelling to watch. The conflict. The contrast. The difference (not just in height, although their physical difference does act as a powerful symbol of their mismatched but ultimately complementary dynamic). The difference and yes, even at times tension, between David and Gillian only adds to a dynamic that so many have tried and failed to emulate (RIP to any reboot of this show. This show IS DD and GA’s chemistry. End of.). I can’t be mad or disappointed about Gillovny’s 90s tension, so carefully navigated by both actors, because fuck me does it work for the MSR angst! D’you think we’d have so many delicious angsty fanfics if these two had been sunshine-y, tension-less best buds every step of the way?? Not only is some tension an understandable human reaction that I believe they have every right to, it adds dimension to an epically URSTy relationship that could have gotten boring (and kinda did towards the end, let's be real). There is an added, honest, brave truth to the moments of impatience, frustration, disagreement and division in the M/S relationship because DD and GA experienced these things themselves in the context of their equally intense working relationship. I think the actors continued to mine their own tension and express it through Mulder and Scully, which again is a super creative and healthy way to protect their working relationship and serve the M/S relationship. A relationship in which they were invested, but also a relationship that was central to the show and important to so many fans.

In time, the more intense M/S moments lost their bite. The relationship became softer, less combative, more appreciative. The LA move decreased the actor’s isolation and gave the show a new tone. Gillian is on record saying how strange it was for her when David disappeared in later seasons. And we all know the story of the 10 min post-"Existence" embrace (if you don’t let me know). So this story has a neat and satisfying ending even if Mulder and Scully never really got theirs. As evidenced by the second movie and reboot, nothing was destroyed. The chemistry remains (even if it’s not served by quality plot, development, context and characterisation). These human beings and artists did their best under difficult circumstances. They protected the work, the characters and their relationship. In fact, I would venture to suggest that the wild appreciation they show for each other now, the enduring chemistry we see on-screen and the palpable enjoyment they feel at the other’s presence any time they get the opportunity to reunite is in part due to how they navigated their early years as mismatched colleagues thrown together and expected to work closely under immense pressure. Thanks to David and Gillian, hate never took root. And now, in DD’s words, all that’s left is the heart.

[thehumanexperience8b]

March 11th, 2024: Different Perspectives

We have something inside us that makes us stubborn about hearing other people’s opinions especially if we’re headstrong about our own. People do not want to be wrong. I fall victim to this sometimes, but I try to catch myself, put aside my preconceived opinions about things and learn from first hand experience. As of late, I came across a video on YouTube from a man I recognized, but I couldn’t place the name. When I looked in the description, I realized this was one of those infamous raw meat diet men that claimed vegetables are toxic. I don’t really know about that, although I’d love to see where that came from!! But I didn’t come to watch this video he posted about the carnivore diet, I came to see what secret ingredients in McDonald's food I didn’t know about! When I watched the video everything he talked about was simple, and a lot of things I already knew, facts about seed oils, trans fats, chemicals, all the things that make fast food so appetizing to some, but disgusting to others. At the end of the day, the video was still valuable despite his history of some odd claims about plants. Society has a big problem right now about learning something about a person or thing and making judgements about someone. Although I don’t like using the term “humble,” though sometimes we do need to take a step back and humble ourselves. We’re all human, and we jump to conclusions about a lot of things. But having understanding and trust is an essential building block for a happy life. There’s no problem with having strong beliefs, but make sure you’re making informed choices and using critical thinking skills before shaming someone else. We see this many times over and over again in today’s political climate. Because of the two party system, once you pick one side you automatically have a cognitive bias against the other. What’s interesting is that both major parties have a lot more in common than they’d like to admit. But this entry isn’t about politics. So what can you do to have a better understanding of someone, or things in general? Well, if it’s a person you can obviously spend some more time around them, learn what they really think, how they act, what kind of energy they emit. For certain topics, and this is a great skill for understanding people, is that you need to believe most people are working “for the light.” They all think they’re making reasonable choices that will do something good in the long run. I’ve never actually met someone who’s unreasonable, or irrational. To be irrational is to lack substance or thought, but isn’t the labeling of someone as “irrational” just as thought-less? Maybe this person is being counter-intuitive or very against your own beliefs but that doesn’t mean they are without reason in some way. I pity the person who cannot see that their “rational” is seen just as irrational to the other. These types of people are one in the same. So come forth!!!! Please let the world see that we’re all trying our best to do what is right in our eyes. Now if we all understand each other, and if we hear each criticism from each other and share our thoughts, we can evolve to create a super-idea that could be fool-proof in really changing the course of humanity!!! True understanding is the next step!

“There's a light we share between us, when your Heart's an open door. When we care for one another. We won't have to look for Heaven anymore.” -Heaven. The Orion Experience

[cazort]

Reblogging stuff about the situation in Gaza / Palestine and Israel is great and all, but this alone is not going to solve the problems. For the most part, it is the same people circulating the items and we are not going to tip public sentiment unless we get the information to reach new people.

What this means is that you need to reach out to people who are not currently talking about it.

There are a lot of reasons why people might not be talking about it, and it is important to approach them in different ways:

Some people may see conflicting information and don't know what to think. When talking to these people, it is important for you to not just say what you believe and share information, but to tell them why you trust certain sources and not others, and to talk about them about how you came to the conclusions that you do.

Some people may have an opinion, and want to speak up, but may be afraid to do so because of career consequences. In this case, you might actually be able to advance things by listening to this person, and then telling their story (anonymously) so that you can help others realize how people are being pressured and bullied into remaining silent. In other cases, you might be able to convince someone to take action privately, such as by talking to people they know personally and convincing others to take action openly.

Some people may disagree with you and/or be skeptical of the information you are trying to share with them. It is important not to dismiss these people or approach them in an all-or-nothing way. For example, I have found people who support Israel's current government, have often still been troubled when they have learned that Netanyahu's government supported Hamas for years and that one of his ministers considered Hamas an "asset". Even conservatives in Israel are talking about this. It is this sort of thing that causes the Israeli regime's narrative to start to crumble.

Some people may care about the situation and want to help but may simply not know what to do. You can give these people concrete ideas of things to do, like you could ask them if they would write their representative or senators with a specific message (like I have been telling them to cut off military aid to Israel and to make our ambassador stop voting no on resolutions condemning Israel), or you could ask them if they would be willing to share certain materials, or if they would be willing to talk to others in their life to get people talking about these issues.

Some people may care, but may not believe that they can make a difference. You cannot always get through to these people, but you can try to encourage them and tell them that you think certain choices will make a difference and why. You can also ask them to do things for you even if they are still cynical or wary about whether they will make a difference. You can also point out that it's valuable taking a stand for what is right even if you think it is a lost cause.

But I will say, I definitely do not think the situation in Gaza is a lost cause. It is, perhaps, for the lives already lost. But even that is not fully lost because the names can be circulated and memorialized.

And I do think we are seeing a tipping point approaching on the issue. A month ago, I rarely saw anyone in the US publicly criticize the Israeli government. Now I am seeing most of my closest friends doing it every day. My parents are talking about it. I'm even seeing some critical coverage in mainstream media that had previously been pretty friendly to Israel.

Our actions will decide whether this momentum keeps up or not.

And, by all means, keep reblogging stuff. But do not stop at this.

You need to get out there and talk to people. And you need to talk to people who are not currently talking about this stuff, people you have strong relationships with, people who trust you, like you, and who will listen to your perspective. This is how we will achieve change.

[sarahgcorner]

Reading Journal #3

Education can not and never will be neutral. It is as simple as that. It has also mind-boggled me when I would read the news or talk to older generations, and some would say that teachers are too political in what or how they teach. However, we go to school to learn; yes, we learn math and science, which are usually straightforward theories or equations, but when it comes to English and, more importantly, history, how could those two subjects not be political? The United States is built on a two-party system with different ideals and beliefs for each. Of course, when we learn about past events in our country's history, one party will have had more influence as the president would have been a Democrat or Republican.

Ira Shor makes an impactful point when he says, "If education were indeed neutral, boys and girls of all colors and classes would have had equal access as well as equal monies invested in their development, something this democratic nation never provided and still doesn't" (5). One would think that as we evolve as a nation, so will our educational institutions, but boy is that wrong. With the current presidential administration, the chances of our academic development in the sense of funding and freedom to teach certain things that have impacted our culture are thrown out the window. It is scary, but I am not the first person to say that.

While I am the type of person who does not openly discuss politics because it can cause arguments or confrontation, two of my least favorite things, I believe that as a class, we share a fundamental understanding that the recent events taking place in the United States represent a considerable challenge to various aspects of our lives, specifically in education. The reducing resources for educational grants, especially the ones most crucial for underprivileged communities, signals a very alarming shift back toward the privatization of education. I understand and recognize my privilege as a white woman pursuing a higher education degree. While these changes may not directly impact me, I understand how they disproportionately affect marginalized individuals. One thing we can do to offer some help is to discuss and implement critical pedagogy into our educational pursuits, even if it is daunting in this current political climate.

While critical pedagogy will not solve every single one of our problems, it will help us as educators and our students to listen and be thoughtful regarding their classmates. Paulo Frieo thought of it as:

...not a method or an a priori technique to be imposed on all students but a political and moral practice that provides the knowledge, skills, and social relations that enable students to explore the possibilities of what it means to be critical citizens while expanding and deepening their participation in the promise of a substantive democracy (Grioux 716).

Critical thinking is not a way for us as educators to help students with tests; instead, it is a valuable tool for students to be self-determined and engage in civic ways (Grioux 716). When we, as educators, take the first step in offering a new way for students to interact in the classroom and the real world, we will do our best service beyond educating them. When we foster an environment that encourages open dialogue, thoughtful debate, and seeing things in a new light, we supply students with the knowledge and the confidence to express their thoughts and opinions in a way that builds a foundation for them to become active participants in society who can take on complex issues through a critical lens. When we embrace critical pedagogy, it is more than just academic success; it is about shaping informed and compassionate citizens who can advocate for justice and equality in their communities. It is important to remember that education is inherently political, and as educators, one of our roles is to empower our students to navigate and shape their political landscapes. We can fulfill our educator responsibilities and contribute to a more thoughtful and engaging society through critical pedagogy.

[notafunkiller]

I feel that the blog has gone from sharing small annoyances about things like the fact that Sebastian did not speak Romanian to Romanians or that he has become a more serious person to now looking for the smallest detail to throw hate at him.

It went so far that you even wanted him not to be nominated for any award and now that he is nominated you want him not to win. and after the two Roundtables he made saying that he is the least valuable actor and that he is not up to par with the rest, I think that is already too much. You may not like things about his new attitude but wishing things like that about his career, putting him down or looking for the slightest thing to talk bad about him, is already too much.

If you think I'm throwing hate, that's really sad.

I watched both TA and ADM and they are not his best projects in my opinion. Again, that's the beauty of being human and living in a country that allows free speech: we can have different opinions.

I do think he is fighting for a place to be nominated (aka the last place for oscars). And I think based on all I heard and saw, the rest of the actors are really good. Blame me for that.

He can be nominated, he can win, and that still wouldn't change my perspective. And I do not influence anyone anyway.

I am not putting him down. I am just sharing my opinion, which I can do on my own blog. I am allowed to say: oh I do not like this. This is not hate as much as you want to think otherwise.

The little details you mention are huge things for me. Saying Pamela Anderson owes you a part of her success, to say that thing about women who recognize him because of Fresh (which is a festival film), to make a target out of publicists (because this fandom went and attacked the actors and so on) are not little things to me. And I am allowed to say none of these = okay. I am also allowed to call him out on the method acring thing and his obsession for awards this season. Last year, Bradley Cooper was the joke of every fandom, including Sebastian's. Crazy how tables have turned and now the fandom says he is just campaigning.

I am not the one talking about him needing to have kids, insisting to say he lives in LA or trying to find his location in NYC; I am not the one sexualizing him, demanding him to get married. I am also not the one crying that people kept talking over him in the roundtable interviews and I am not acting as if Sebastian is a kid who can't make mistakes.

Calling out celebrities or people in our life and being called out = healthy things.

Sebastian is not a god... he is not the best actor and not the best person in the world. He doesn't need to be.

[surrealcatharsis]

grudges

Part of me believes that I sound "spoiled" for revealing these emotions and desires, but here we go. I'm writing on Tumblr for no one to see and to transform these emotions.

My mom and mother in law are planning baby showers for me (in two respective locations, WA and HI) and I have a lot of emotions coming up around it.

Generally, I have anxiety about gathering people together around me. Partially because I have always had a hang up over gathering different people from my life together, worried they won't get along, feel comfortable, or really enjoy themselves. I think I feel this way because I have always had rich friends and poor friends, and I've noticed a gap in perspectives between the two. I just want everyone to engage with each other and frankly I don't know how to foster that. Additionally, when I think of how to make gatherings more meaningful, it involves a talk story circle, where everyone shares something from their heart. I just don't trust either of my main hosts to enact something like that, frankly because I don't think they are use to it. In my mom's case, we didn't grow up with that behavior. However, it's something that I cultivate in my life now, with my friends in Hawai'i.

Spokane, Mom: This baby shower gives me anxiety because I don't trust my mom to lead a gathering that is meaningful or aesthetic to me. My mom has very cheap, sporadic style, which often times comes across as disorganized, which she is. I always felt embarrassed of that growing up, and I suppose that still really hinders me from allowing myself to trust her to make a gathering that I would be proud to invite my friends to. I feel resentful to her for that, because I guess it always made me feel poor and inadequate. Additionally, like I said, my mom is very disorganized. So, she doesn't decide to start planning my baby shower until a week before. In which case, she's just running around like a chicken with her head off and coming to me for decision making, which is literally not suppose to be the job of the mother being honored. I ended up staying up late last night, doing basic research about baby shower planning so she could have a checklist for the shower. In my opinion, I didn't need to do that but I honestly do not see my mother as being capable of that. Additionally, when she has confronted me about decision making, she is usually coming to me in a stressed manner and tone, which therefore stresses me out unnecessarily. It frustrates me, and like I said earlier, I feel some sort of resentment against my mother. Because of her bipolar disorder, I feel I had to take on a more responsible role from a young age, e.g. help her get to work on time, make my own lunches in 1st grade, help her calm down way more than the other way around, help her with basic life functioning like finding her keys (which wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't her chronic subconscious game with herself). I have a lot of resentment for those things, and I don't want to hold it against her now or become bitter. But I feel bitter in this moment and as if I never really had a mother but rather someone to take care of. That's how I feel when she insists on having a baby shower for me, completely unprepared and coming to me for help. It wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't explicitly tell her that I didn't care to have one. On top of all this, I do feel like the baby shower is for her and her friends. I do however want to just enjoy people I haven't seen for a long time and I want to practice the art of gathering. It's just I'm having a really hard time trusting my mom. Its frustrating. And I want it to be special, which means that I want the gathering to be meaningful rather than a typical baby shower. I want people to leave feeling like they got something valuable and reflective from their experience.

Hawaii, Mom in Law: Makana's mom wants to have my baby shower at her house. I told Makana that I wanted it at the beach. She asked me directly if we could have it at her house because it is easier for decorations and food prep. I am crying right now actually, because I really wanted to have it at the beach. I also really wanted to have my baby shower at a park in Spokane but my friend and mom thought we should have it outside due to potentially cold weather. I know I am being emotional but I didn't even want to have baby showers to begin with for the exact reason that I don't like typical baby showers. It just makes me upset because I want to enjoy my own baby shower. I'm sure I will no matter what happens.

I guess sometimes I really just want things to go my own way. I'm having a hard time just giving it up and letting it go. I got to let go and let God now.

[uncloseted]

I recently sent a few chapters of my first draft for my novel to my coworker who is amazing and who has the same degree as me in English. she offered to be a beta reader and add her comments which was great, but after getting her comments I feel like some were a bit unnecessary.

My characters are from England (I'm American), and I've watched english shows my whole life and grew up with the accents, the dialect, etc. so I knew what I was saying when I included certain phrasing in my novel, plus I researched before including anything that relates to dialect and regional dialect. My coworker (American) made comments about things like I didn't know what I was talking about and pointing out things that I feel she just wasn't really thinking about.

The constructive comments were really good! But some of the other comments I felt were a bit... passive aggressive. At certain points she would just say things in the comments like: "No." or "WHY?!" or "Grumble grumble..." and it's like??? I love your helpful comments, but I feel like this doesn't help me at all. She doesn't usually read romance, she sticks to crime or sci-fi, so I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I really enjoy the idea for my novel and think it's strong. Of course, it's still early days, but I don't know. I think she's helpful but for most of her comments, I could explain why I did something in answer to her comments.

Should I not send her the rest of my novel? I feel like she's not really getting the whole picture at times...

Thank you!

I think any time you share a work in progress with someone who's not a professional in the publishing industry (like a beta reader or editor), you'll get some feedback that's helpful and some that's irrelevant. It's okay to look through their feedback and to say "these are the things I think are valuable and these are the things I'll be ignoring." If you've done your research on regional dialects and are sure you have it right, feel free to throw that commentary out. If she's saying something more along the lines of, "I know this is accurate, but it will make this part incomprehensible to readers who aren't from a particular area of England", then it might be worth at least considering whether to swap the dialogue out for something more generic, even if you ultimately decide to keep it as is. With the little comments like "no!" and "why?!", I think she's trying to give you a view into her emotional reactions throughout the story as well as her thoughts about what you could do differently, which I think may actually be really useful. If she's commented "WHY?!" on a part that's not supposed to elicit that reaction, maybe the story is creating a different emotional journey than you intended. It's also worth remembering that she only has a few chapters of a first draft- she doesn't have the full picture in her head the way you do, and so her interpretation of what she's reading is naturally going to be different from your idea of who these characters are and where the story is going.

Accepting criticism is hard, especially with work as personal as novels. I think when we share our work with others, we're secretly hoping that they'll love it as much as we do and have no criticism. So I think it's natural to want to push back and say, "no, I did that for a reason, you're just not understanding my vision." I think for a lot of people, criticism of their work feels like criticism of them as a person or of their innate talent as a writer.

But... that's not really what it is. Constructive criticism is just a lens into the feelings, opinions, and confusions a potential reader might have so that the writer can achieve their vision more effectively. It's also worth remembering that different readers will feel differently about the work. Just because one person isn't responding the way you expected doesn't mean that nobody will. But on the flip side, you can't expect that all readers will have your background and understanding, either. Unless you're trying to target a very specific demographic, it may be worth making some narrative concessions for the sake of readability. So for each piece of feedback, I think it's important to be able to take a step back and ask yourself if you're feeling defensive even though the advice is good, or whether the advice is something you disagree with from a narrative or artistic perspective.

At the end of the day, you're not obligated to accept every piece of feedback that you get. Take what feels right for your project and throw away the rest. You know what will work best for the novel that you're trying to write. As for whether or not to send her the rest of the novel, I think it depends on whether or not you feel like getting her feedback will ultimately lead to a better book. If you think it would, it's probably worth continuing to send her chapters. If not, maybe it's better to send it to someone else you know instead or to join a community of writers who provide criticism on each other's work.

[ederiiis]

Critical Self-Reflectivity

About a year ago in 2022, Will Smith was banned from attending the

Academy Awards for a decade after the ‘slapping’ incident with Chris Rock on stage. Regardless stating that it was the consequences of overwhelming unpleasant emotions and experiences he kept in, Will Smith did express his regret in an interview with Noah and acknowledged it was not justified and not who he wanted to be. 

It is important to constantly be self aware of the things around me and how it affects me both physically and emotionally. Always take a step back to identify with an honest and open mind, what caused me to be and feel a certain way? This will help me to understand the things that can trigger me and help me find ways to regulate those feelings. 

Regulating feelings requires practice and discipline. As a student, coping with many responsibilities, this is an essential skill to keep me calm and composed when stressful moments arrive. It helps me to ensure I don’t act impulsively and irrationally. I personally talk to myself alot and analyse how and why I do certain things, which is why I deem it very important to choose carefully the words I say and how I choose to speak to the people around me but especially to myself.

I believe that practising empathy towards others will also help in reducing selfishness when interacting with others in instances like sharing differing opinions. We will often meet people that have opposing views to us as we are influenced by various experiences and backgrounds. It is important to be able to put myself in someone else’s shoes and try to understand where they are coming from. This will also encourage a motivating culture that encourages exchange of ideas and perspectives around me, contributing to my ability to adapt well to changes and expanding my knowledge.

This is highly valuable to me as a designer and a student as I am at the stage where I am still new and lack experience. I need to be able to interact well with others whilst also conserving my own identity as well as gain as much exposure and knowledge from other students and designers around me.

Referances

“Will Smith on Slapping Chris Rock at Oscars: I Lost It.” The Straits Times, 30 Nov. 2022, www.straitstimes.com/life/entertainment/will-smith-on-slapping-chris-rock-at-oscars-i-lost-it. Accessed 24 Nov. 2023.

[livseses]

Generally speaking, FATE is a great ttrpg for doing whatever you want. It excels at "Action Movie" as a genre, but that can slot into a lot of different settings. Being so hackable, it's really easy to make plural specific changes. There's this principle called the FATE Fractal. In FATE there are things called aspects, which are short one or two word descriptors that can mechanically be invoked. There are also skills and stress tracks (essentially hit points) and stunts (essentially feats/class features). So the Fractal states that anything can be broken down into these elements. A stunt can have an aspect and skills built into it. An aspect can have a stress track.

So, one could make a simple hack to their FATE game by having headmates be different aspects of a character, but then breaking down each aspect into a full blown character. Of course, you could use as much or as little fractalling or detail depending on what works best for your table.

Outside of FATE though, there are quite a few systems (hehe) that are more tied to specific genres or settings.

For instance, about half of the World of Darkness and Chronicles of Darkness game lines use plurality in one way or another. Our favorite is Geist: the Sin-Eater, in which you play a character who was brought back from the dead by letting a ghost like being hitch a ride, and now you help ghosts solve their problems with your ghost powers. (Content warning though: a lot of their game lines have had a history of being very culturally insensitive at best, with straight up bigoted stereotyping and appropriation in some cases. Chronicles is better in this regard, but its still valuable to know what youre getting into)

There's also Headspace, a cyberpunk rpg in the Powered by the Apocalypse game system (generally pretty simple to run and play, but made very difficult to bend outside of its genre). In this game you play as a team of cyberpunk experts that have undergone a procedure that links their minds together permanently. It's very Sense8. It has you dealing with shared trauma and emotional bleed over. Very cool in our opinion (although we've never gotten to play it).

Of course, these options are somewhat limited in that they have specific mechanics for the plurality, so they won't allow for all types of systems. Many of the W/CoD game lines for instance will be limited to systems of 2 (the human side and the supernatural side of the given setting).

So, to chose a system that will let you play systems of all sorts, it might be easier to hack things in, kinda like FATE. The way we might do it is to choose a fairly light system, and build separate characters for each of the headmates. Then tweak things so that they all share one body. Maybe do this by having them all share the same hit points and physical stats? Or have them all share the same turn during initiative based encounters? Or both? This is where the light ttrpg comes in, in that likely it won't be so crunchy as to become imbalanced by deciding to treat them as separate characters vs one character for challenge building. In D&D, challenges can be disrupted quite a bit by having a shared hit point pool but separate turns for instance.

In any case, plurality in ttrpgs is fucking awesome and I'm so glad it's being talked about xD

Plural characters in ttrpgs?? Hell yes! We approve (not that you need it)!

We've usually gravitated towards character options that are plural coded in ttrpgs our entire rpg career (i wonder why lol). It's a really great place to explore and express identity, and plural identity is just as valid here. Since our syscovery, all of our characters have been explicitly plural.

If you don't mind sharing, who's your character? Are you and your headmates going to share playing said character's different headmates?

-Foxy

I feel a little bad now. LOL!

That post was more just... a general expression of support after an ask we got the day before... we don't have any plural roleplay characters ourselves.

Or roleplay characters ourselves at all.

My host did a Fate roleplay with the family a while ago, but was the GM. It kind of fell apart after 4 sessions, and my host feels a bit insecure about the whole thing due to some minor mistakes that were made. (It was basic beginner mistakes. From somebody with no RPG experience before that. And everyone enjoyed the game. But he hasn't wanted to do another game since even though the family has been trying to talk him into it.)

If we did it again, my host would be the GM again since the family isn't familiar enough with the rules yet for anyone else to do it.

I think it could be fun for us to switch to roleplay as different NPCs, but I'm worried that rapidly switching a lot like that might make us blend into soup. But even getting to the point where we could try that is dependent on my host getting the confidence to do it again.

So until then, I'm living vicariously through other people. 😜

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[bleedgreenblood]

Every time you post about avoiding certain types of relationships, it makes my heart drop because I know deep down it’s describing my relationship with my bf. We’ve been together for almost four years, and because there’s been no drama or craziness, I’ve told myself that we’re happy. But the longer it goes on the less I feel like it’s a relationship that will ever go the places I want it to go. Idk if it’s because I let so much stuff slide at first because I didn’t want to rush things or crowd him, but truth be told we’re really just living separate lives and calling it love. Meanwhile I can’t remember the last time he REALLY wanted to talk to me or make plans with me or care about me in any way that wasn’t somehow for his benefit like a lot of your posts say. I don’t know why or how this is all hitting me now, and I feel bad because it’s not like he’s suddenly acting different. But then any attempt I’ve made to talk to him about our relationship, he either says two words that breeze past the problem or he gets defensive. Hard as it is, I feel like we just aren’t right for each other but it’s also hard to think about walking away because I do love him and used to think he was my forever. Do you have any advice?

Hi, anon! Firstly, I’m humbled that you’ve found my insight valuable enough to trust me with such a personal problem, and I’m happy to provide guidance if you think it would be helpful. Before I proceed, I want to emphasize that my opinion here should of course be taken with a grain of salt, as we don’t know each other (to my knowledge, lol), and therefore my feedback is based on this very high-level summary of your relationship. But since you're asking, buckle in, because I do have a lot to say about this.

My bottom-line takeaway is that it does sound like your relationship has run its course, and even though it (respectfully) sounds like you agree with this on some level, I’m still really sorry, because I know that doesn't make it any less difficult. I’ve been there myself, and can very much relate to that painful and confusing moment where you realize that someone you once saw a future with may not be the right fit for you after all. For whatever it’s worth, I promise you’re not alone in this situation.

One of the hard things about starting a relationship at a formative time in our lives is that we often don’t know how to start real conversations about, or how to look for, fundamental compatibility with another person. We instead allow ourselves to get swept up in surface-level attraction, i.e. finding the other person good looking, creating fantasies of what a relationship would look like based on our own and the other person’s desires versus what they’re actually showing us they’re capable of, and attaching an inflated sense of importance to common interests (Example: "We both love Game of Thrones and going to breweries," which, sure, are fun things to share, but don’t speak to true compatibility in any way). Healthy relationships are built on several key pillars, such as communication, compromise, quality time, and effort, and since there are a myriad of ways to do (or not do) any of the above, it’s critical to have real conversations about whether the way you each approach those pillars are compatible with one another.

When we don’t enter relationships with this level of intentionality, the problem is that time and circumstances inevitably put the relationship – which unbeknownst to us, has a fairly shallow foundation – to the test, so it’s easy for this sudden realization of glaring incompatibility to “sneak up on us".

This makes it even more natural to yearn for “the way things used to be”, and therefore to then hold out hope that perhaps things will “return” to a state where things still "felt okay" if given enough time. But two things on that: 1. Time on its own doesn’t do or count for shit, quite frankly. The only thing something "lasting" over time requires is complacency and stagnancy, so "giving something time" without any action, conversation, or change, is not a testament to something working out. And 2. The likelihood that a relationship will ever “go back to the way it used to be” is virtually impossible, for many reasons.

For starters, you’ve both since changed in some way – if not in hundreds of little ways – since you first got together, so neither of you is going to just suddenly revert to who you "used to be". that's not how time or human nature work. Secondly, we tend to romanticize “the way things used to be” because we associate that time with ourselves being happier in the relationship, but often, if we were to look at things critically, we'd find that the relationship/our partner truly wasn’t all that different or "better" during this time. For example, is it really a new thing that your partner isn’t: communicating with you openly, expressing an interest in the things that are important to you, carving out quality time for the two of you, consistently supporting you, etc. – or can you look back and observe a long-standing pattern of these behaviors? I think our knee-jerk reaction is to say, “Well, of course they used to do those things, otherwise why would it be bothering me now, but not before?” The answer is "simple”: because your standards, needs, or your awareness of your own needs, have elevated.

It’s completely normal, and healthy, for your needs and standards to evolve, change, and elevate over the course of your life. Unfortunately for relationships that were started while you were still getting to know yourself and your needs, especially relationships that were rooted more in attraction or those superficial commonalities, there’s a good chance that your needs will outgrow what the relationship is – and was ever – truly capable of. Maybe it was acceptable to the version of you 4 years ago that your partner fit you in their schedule as he found the time, but now you want a partner who eagerly prioritizes you. Maybe it was acceptable to the version of you 4 years ago that you and your partner only shared surface-level attraction, i.e. sexual chemistry and similar taste in TV/hobbies, but now you crave a more substantial connection rooted in intellect and communication. Maybe it was acceptable to the version of you 4 years ago that you and your partner had different levels of desire to spend time together, but now you want a relationship where quality time is key. It is in no way wrong for your needs and standards for a happy relationship to evolve as you evolve as a person; and frankly, he's not "wrong" to have his needs and standards, either, as some people truly are content and comfortable with having a surface-level attachment they can leave on the back burner while they live their lives primarily for themselves. So, it's not a matter of who is right and who is wrong; it's a matter of "are you two compatible?"

Now, if you look back and feel like your partner truly did used to meet the needs you feel are currently unmet – i.e. open communication, a vested interest in your hobbies and passions, eagerly making time for you, providing you with support – this also doesn’t fare well for the health of your relationship, because it suggests that either, 1. These actions were in some way performative - meaning that he only put in a certain degree of effort until he was certain he “had you”, at which point he elected to stop trying so hard because he felt he could get away with it, or 2. That these actions are inconsistent and conditional – meaning that he communicates with, supports you, and makes time for you when it's easy or convenient for him. While this "me first" approach might work for some couples, I personally believe that relationships built to thrive and last aren't about living your life for yourself and hoping your partner interferes with your personal best interest as little as possible. It takes collaboration around those aforementioned pillars -- perhaps most importantly, communication -- which, according to you, he will not meet you halfway on, despite your attempts.

When we choose to communicate, or not to communicate, we're really answering a question of, "Do I care about and respect this person’s needs and feelings, and the health of our relationship, enough to put in the time and effort to talk things out, even if it means stepping outside of my comfort zone, making myself vulnerable, and having difficult conversations?" So, to me, choosing not to communicate is not only a detriment to a healthy relationship, but it’s a sign of selfishness and disrespect. We call our partners our “significant others” for a reason – because this person should be significant from all others in providing us with a certain level of care, support, company, and conversation. If you find yourself unable to turn to your boyfriend for those things, I just can’t see how he could possibly fill that very important, special role in your life.

Relationships, like anything else worth having in life, need to be earned. No one is entitled to a place in your life simply because they've been there for a while, because they used to meet your standards, or even because you care about or love one another. As hard of a truth as it is to accept, love alone is never enough to carry a relationship, because for some people, love is just a feeling they have for you, or for the benefits you add to their life. Real, lasting love is actionable. It knows, sees, and understands you as you are. It wants to spend time with you. It seeks ways to support you. It desires to build something lasting with and for you.

I'm so sorry that it sounds like this relationship doesn’t have the longevity you hoped it did. But I do truly believe that the while pain of losing the attachment is real, it is temporary — however, the pain of your needs and standards not being met over time will only grow, wear you down, and rob you of the opportunity to meet someone who will meet your needs and standards. And the right person won't make you wonder, beg, wait, or hope for their affection, attention, support, or communication. You are worthy of having your needs met. Read that again. You. Are. Worthy.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Kalim?

I actually had my Kalim Character Opinion Bingo queued up 😂

***Standard disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions of the character(s); regardless of what I may think of them, sharing my thoughts is NOT meant to offend or to shame anyone that thinks differently.***

This is probably a very unpopular opinion, but Kalim is my favorite dorm leader. Among the roster of students, he really is the “odd one out”. Unlike his peers, Kalim doesn’t seem to hold any kind of overwhelming power, crushing aura, or intentional malice. He doesn’t operate in an underhanded way, either. He’s the genuine article, friendly and cheerful, someone that’s easy to approach and talk with, someone that’s eager to lend his support and even his finances if needed. Kalim is a leader that is truly well-loved, not feared, and that is reflected in how much his dorm members look up him, respect him, and feel entirely comfortable telling him about their troubles. It’s a nice change of pace seeing someone actually want to help, no strings attached unlike Octavinelle, and it leads to a lot of funny interactions in which people react to Kalim’s... oblivious, carefree, and overly trusting nature.

There’s an almost child-like naivety in Kalim, most likely as the result of growing up ultra-wealthy and sheltered, so he has no idea about how the real world works. He also relies on Jamil to do a lot of things for him, and admittedly, I find the lack of self-sufficiency not very appealing. However, Kalim has demonstrated a willingness to learn and to improve himself, especially post-episode 4, so I have faith that with a little elbow grease and proper instruction, Kalim can do it! I would love it if we could see Kalim grow out of his rich boy roots and broaden his horizons. Sure, the world may not glisten like the gold he has grown up surrounded by, but it would be extremely valuable for him to be exposed that which doesn’t glitter--so that maybe he can help not just the people immediately around him, but those out in the world, too.

I think that Kalim is usually perceived as not that deep because of how happy-go-lucky he is. However, that would be disregarding all of the hardships he has endured up until this point in his life. Kalim has never had to worry about money a day in his life, but he certainly has had to worry about attempts on his life every second of every day--and I can’t imagine what that must do to a kid’s psyche. Unfortunately, we never really hear too much about how Kalim feels about these assassination attempts, but I think that him just speaking so nonchalantly about them tells us all we need to know. It’s routine. He barely bats an eye at them anymore... but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t cut him and hurt him deeply.

If you look at Kalim’s official profile, his least favorite food is curry. Why is that? Because, as Kalim tells us in-game, Jamil once taste-tested a curry dish for him--a dish which had been spiked with poison. That curry put him in a coma for several weeks, during which Kalim was at a very real risk of losing someone he thought of as a close childhood friend. What must have been going through Kalim’s head in that moment? Pain, sadness, confusion, fear, guilt. He couldn’t bring himself to look at curry the same ever again... something he still says with a smile. It makes me think that all the happiness that Kalim projects outward may be just a coping mechanism for him to deal with the daily threat of being killed, and the unconscious thought of how many others he must have endangered just with his existence. Any other person would be somber, always on high alert--but Kalim isn’t, because how can anyone he’s with have a good time if he isn’t? He has to play the part of a happy host, chasing away the looming threat so that even he, for just a moment, can pretend like he’s living in a dream. That may be entirely speculation on my part, but I think it’s an interesting angle to observe Kalim’s character from.

There’s two major popular takes about Kalim floating around in the fandom. The first of these is that he is incompetent or somehow unfit for his position. This belief is mainly derived from Kalim’s poor academic performance, as well as something that Jamil drops in episode 4: that Kalim got the seat of dorm leader via nepotism and large donations the Asim family made to NRC. The bribing part might be true, but I wholeheartedly believe that Kalim DOES embody the mindfulness of the Sorcerer of the Desert, and that he doesn’t lack intelligence. On the contrary, Kalim is incredibly socially intelligent--Leona even points it out as a strength of Kalim’s in episode 6--and he unintentionally knows how to wield it well to forge strong relationships with others. This is an incredible skill for a merchant or a businessman to have; Kalim can make connections with people and create what is essentially a network of buddies to help him out of any and every situation, and he doesn’t even REALIZE the power he has. That’s scary in its own way--can you imagine how terrifying that power would be in the hands of someone that DOES have ill intent?

Now, the second belief that’s pretty popular is that Kalim has done no wrong. While I’m not saying that I think Kalim is secretly an evil mastermind, to think that he has done “no wrong” implies he is totally innocent and has never done anything bad in his entire life. In my opinion, Kalim has hurt people, and in a way that’s more insidious than you may think. He hurts people through his words without even realizing it. Like Rook, Kalim is brutally honest--but unlike Rook, Kalim has zero self-awareness. As a result of that lack of a filter, Kalim unintentionally says things that can offend other people (ie when he commented that Riddle tires fast, implying he has low stamina)--and because he’s so candid about it, it can somehow sting all the more. I can see some people easily dismissing this because Kalim doesn’t hurt others on purpose, but I disagree because hurt is still hurt, whether intentional or not. I do believe that Kalim would apologize afterwards once he realized his mistake or if someone were to express that they were offended by him, but that still doesn’t change the damage he did, or the fact that he wasn’t able to stop it from happening in the first place. It’s the same principle that made Jamil resent Kalim so much: his obliviousness to the suffering of others, and the naivety to believe that every problem has a simple solution. I don’t necessarily blame Kalim in his entirety for this; it’s an obvious area of weakness for him, and something that can be improved with time and experience. He should still, however, be held accountable and own up to his mistakes (which, again, I think he will more readily do than the other NRC boys would).