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sage-nebula · 8 months ago

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Things my fellow Salmon Run players do that are fucking annoying

Now that I've been out of Profreshionhell for a few weeks (meaning yes, I finally managed to hit EVP despite having to play in freelance), I feel qualified to talk about behaviors in Salmon Run that are extremely fucking annoying and made it very hard to get OUT of Profreshionhell (as well as hard to stay IN EVP). So without further ado:

If you do these things, hate to break it to you but you're annoying, please do better:

— Spamming "this way" for any reason. Whether it's because you're desperate for people to do nothing but squat at the basket with you (and we'll GET to you), because you're squatting elsewhere, or because you don't know what the fuck you're doing during a special wave, you're fucking annoying and you make me wish there was a part of the d-pad I could press to say "shut up!" If people aren't heeding you on your third "this way", they have good reason. Shut the fuck up, stop spamming, and do your damn job.

— Doing nothing but squatting the basket during normal rounds. Look, SOME Salmon Run bosses can and should be lured to basket. Scrappers, Maws, Steel Eels, Flipper Floppers — all perfectly lurable bosses. But squatting at the basket the whole wave is NOT the answer. First, not all bosses can be lured. Second, your teammates still need help with smaller salmonids. Third, if you're swarmed by lured bosses, you're going to die. Lure TO basket, kill, deposit, then go out and lure again. Don't just sit there, and for the love of god, DO NOT SPAM "THIS WAY" WHILE SITTING THERE.

— Squatting on eggs (often while spamming "this way"). There's this handy little feature that lets you throw golden eggs. If you get a bunch of eggs far away from basket, throw them as close to basket as possible and rejoin the match. Don't just sit there, doing nothing but spamming, guarding three eggs while so many more go unclaimed because we're effectively down a person, you clownfish.

— On the opposite end, killing a boss and then not taking even one (1) egg. I can't believe this is a thing I've seen, but it is. Apparently some people go into Salmon Run purely to kill bosses, because even when they kill a boss reasonably close to basket they'll just fuck off to the next boss and leave piles of eggs sitting there, unclaimed. Here's a protip: we don't meet quota if the eggs aren't in the basket, and if we don't meet quota, we lose. (Note: there are obvious exceptions like using Killer Wail to kill Stingers from far away and not risking going to get those eggs, but that's not what I'm talking about.)

— Squatting on specials until crew wipe. Someone started a trend of celebrating with specials, so now there are people who refuse to use them even when we're overrun and down to just them left on the field. Specials are there for a reason. Fucking USE THEM so we don't get crew wiped for fucksake.

— NOT luring bosses that can be lured. This happens most often with Scrappers, the most easily lurable bosses in existence, and it is SO maddening. It's especially maddening when I'M luring it and a teammate starts shooting it and I'm just like, hello? Did you not see me leading by example here?? Killing lurable bosses by the shore makes it more difficult to get those eggs to the basket. Lure them! If you are in Profreshional or EVP you should know this by now!

— Getting killed away from the action and then just sitting in that spot spamming "help me". Do you not know that your joystick works even when dead? Do you not understand that your teammates can't drop everything to get to you without dying themselves? Christ alive. When you die, it is YOUR responsibility to go to your teammates for a revival, NOT the other way around. And unless you have died at the basket, under quota, with golden eggs ready to be deposited and seconds to spare, DO NOT spam call for help, no one needs or wants to hear it.

— Ignoring what teammates are doing during special waves, particularly Tornado and Cohock Cannons. There are other special waves that are issues, but these two are the ones with the biggest issues I've seen in terms of people behaving illogically and just absolutely infuriating, probably because they require the most teamwork.

First, Tornado. Tornado needs a chain to deliver the eggs from the beach to the basket. It doesn't matter who does what, so long as we have a line of four people to throw the eggs along. Now, in my personal opinion players saddled with chargers or slow blasters should be the ones to make the final deposit, because they can't as easily defend themselves against the salmonids and are safest nearsest the basket. But honestly, I don't care so long as we can make an efficient delivery line.

But time and time again everyone wants to do every job, ESPECIALLY putting the eggs in the basket because they care about their final number at the end. And what ends up happening as a result is that we barely meet quota because chargers get killed by cohocks or everyone is going back and forth to get eggs because I'm the only one throwing them and I can only throw them so far.

The MOST baffling JUST happened to me on Marooner's Bay. So you know how Marooner's Bay has the basket way up high? And the lifts to get up there are far back? So the move (especially if the eggs are on the dock side) is to have one person up there while the others throw eggs to them?

I had the blaster, so I went up there. And someone in a BLACK SUIT (i.e. should DEFINITELY know better) not only kept spamming "this way", but REFUSED to throw the eggs up, instead taking the lift each time. So I said, fine, and hopped off the side to throw the eggs up to them. AND THEN THEY STILL KEPT JUMPING OFF THE SIDE TO GRAB MORE EGGS AND TAKE THE LIFT UP. MY FUCKING GOD.

Cohock Cannons can be similarly frustrating because ideally, you have two people in cannons and two people running eggs. Again, I don't super care who does what, but in my opinion those without melee weapons should be in the cannons. But so long as we are split 2v2, whatever.

But so often I'll see people completely abandon the cannons to run eggs even when we're doing just fine, or three people squatting cannons while I'm the only egg runner, and either we get overrun and crew wipe or we miss quota. Infuriating.

Anyway. I love Salmon Run, but freelance makes it hard to love it sometimes and I had to vent. Nobody's perfect, I have bad waves too (I literally beast moded too hard with Kraken Royale and went RIGHT into the ocean earlier), but the above behaviors get me like no other. Peace and love, you all who do the above are annoying as fuck, get well soon 💜

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #salmon run #salmon run next wave

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