#we all knew this was gonna happen right like the moment i started playing mgs i’d be drawing him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

punksarahreese · 4 years ago

Text

Panic | Reesker |anxious!ava

Content warnings: medical talk (duh), mentions of surgical gore, panic attacks/meltdown, very brief mention of self injury (hitting)

***

Doctor Bekker to the ED, Doctor Ava Bekker to the ED immediately

Ava looked up from the chart she was writing just as the PA system and her pager went of simultaneously. She set the tablet down on the nurse’s station, saying a hasty farewell to the CT floor head nurse, and broke off into a sprint. She made it down the stairs in record time, knowing Connor was in surgery so she would be the only CT fellow prepared to take a trauma.

“Maggie?” She asked breathlessly as she came up to the charge nurse, who looked at her in relief.

“Jason Abrams, 35, came in to the ED with shortness of breath and heart palpitations. Passed out during a family reunion and didn’t wake up until he was in the ambo. Wife’s in there with him and half the reunion is taking up space in my waiting room.”

“Heart attack?” Ava questioned as she slid into the treatment room beside April, pulling on her gloves.

“Doesn’t look like it,” she replied, passing Ava her stethoscope, “Take a listen.”

Dr. Bekker nodded and turned to the patient, “Mr. Abrams? I’m doctor Bekker, I’m going to figure out what’s wrong okay?”

The patient gasped out an acknowledgment, clearly struggling to breathe despite the oxygen cannula. April leaned over to check his stats, humming in annoyance at what she saw, “Stats are falling, down to 90%.”

Ava had been listening to the patient’s heart and lungs and met April’s eye, “I’m hearing a murmur, someone get me a 15 lead EKG and a chest X-ray.”

“Right away, Doctor,” Monique replied, attaching the leads to the patient and setting up the machine. While she did that, Ava turned to the patient again.

“Alright, Jason, so I’m hearing a bit of blood splash back in your heart. We’re going to run some tests to confirm what I’m hearing, do you have any history of heart issues?”

Jason shook his head but was unable to respond, his breathing clearly worsening. His wife spoke up from her worried hovering beside his head, “Heart disease... i-it runs in the family but we’ve had no indication of Jace being at risk.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Ava nodded and took the EKG reading from Monique, “Right, so we’re going to send you up for an echocardiogram, just to get a look at your heart better.”

“Call radiology, let them know we’re taking him up,” Ava said to Monique, watching as the nurse rushed off to make the call.

“Doctor, what’s wrong with him?” The concern in the wife’s voice was apparent and she was fussing over her husband, who had begun to perspire as his lungs worked overtime.

“I can’t be certain without the echo but I believe what I’m hearing is a defect in your husband’s mitral valve. It is sending blood backwards into the heart and that’s causing less oxygen to get through his body.”

“Oh God, my baby,” Mrs. Abrams cried, “What does that mean?”

“I-I uh, won’t know the full extent until we get the test results back, but... if medication doesn’t fix our issue we may be looking at surgery to fix the valve.”

Ava nodded at April, “Push 10 mg of bisoprolol and page me when you get his scan results, please.”

The blonde ducked out of the room and made her way over to Maggie, who was watching the waiting room with a pained look.

“Well?” She asked, “Are you gonna get the Abrams family reunion out of my ED any time soon?”

“Sounds like mitral regurge to me, Maggie. Might be a while, especially if he needs surgery.”

“Of course,” the nurse sighed, “Alright, let me know.”

“Will do,” with that Ava took off to locate a tablet to add to his chart. She snagged one off the nurses’ station and logged in, charting the course of treatment given. She planned to go back upstairs and meet them in radiology, walking as she noted the enlarged chamber on the EKG. She didn’t even notice she had gotten in the way until she had collided with someone while trying to get on the elevator.

“Woah, will you watch-“ she began to say but stopped herself when she realized who it was, “Oh, sorry, Reese cup.”

Sarah Reese stood in front of her in all her glory, eyebrow raised at the immediate tone change and nickname, “That was a whole 180, Dr. Bekker.”

“Oh hush,” Ava sighed, “You know I didn’t mean it.”

“Only because it was me,” Sarah remarked with a chuckle, “Anyone else and you would have snapped enough to make them cry.”

“You know me that well, do you?”

“Well I’d hope so,” Sarah’s hand had snuck it’s way to her wrist as she responded to the quip, “Busy?”

“Checking my pulse? What’s your diagnosis, Doctor?” Ava teased lightly.

“Hm, heart rate of 100, cheeks flushed and breathing uneven,” Sarah stated factually, “Either you’re nervous or you’ve been running, and you hate running.”

“You caught me,” Ava laughed, “Was in the ED.”

“Ah,” the psych resident nodded and kept hold of the older woman’s wrist, tugging her around the corner to a quieter part of the hallway. She saw Ava was about to protest and held up a hand.

“Shh, humour me, Ava.”

Noting the stern look the other woman gave her, Ava sighed in digression, gesturing for her to go on.

“Is the ED still making you that nervous?”

“I’m just not used to the hustle of it,” Ava sighed, “It’s not a big deal, Reese cup.”

“You sure?”

She nodded, “I’m a CT surgeon, love, I’m not made for the chaos Maggie runs down here.”

Sarah’s cheeks flushed a little at the pet name, though she knew well enough that Ava pulled that card simply to win her over.

“I promise I’m fine,” she continued, a smile playing on her lips at the other woman’s worry.

“You have your earplugs if you need them?”

Ava nodded, patting her scrub pocket. She often got overwhelmed by too much noise at once, a symptom of her newly diagnosed sensory issues, so earplugs helped her stay calm.

“I’ll be okay, Sarah,” Ava promised again, “But I really need to get up to radiology.”

The resident nodded, “Okay, don’t let me keep you.”

Ava saw the little spark of regret in the younger woman’s eyes, knew she felt insecure with her forwardness and was afraid she had pushed her too far. Ava’s anxiety about the emergency department and patient interaction was a sensitive topic, but Reese was too curious for her own good.

“Hey,” Ava grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze, “Thank you for caring. Coffee later?”

Sarah smiled a little and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Great,” a mischievous grin and then a quick kiss was pressed to her cheek, “See you, Reese cup.”

“Ava!” The brunette was left standing in the hallway with bright red cheeks, making the other doctor laugh as she went back to the elevator.

The surgeon still had a grin on her face as she made it onto the elevator. She couldn’t help but feel giddy around Sarah, something about her just made the hospital feel 100 times safer. Their relationship started off as merely occupational, speaking when patient cases crossed or in passing around the hospital. They got along fine, of course, but Ava was up in CT way more than in the emergency department, so their paths didn’t cross often. This changed when one day Ava had a bad case, when she lost that instrument inside the patient’s heart.

She had a panic attack, rushed out of the operating room and leaving Connor to close the patient. He had stormed into the locker room, starting to yell at her, but stopped when he saw the state Ava was in. She was clearly shaking, cheeks streaked with tears and makeup. He tried to talk her down but she wouldn’t listen, didn’t want his pity, especially not after he had been a major ass all day.

Eventually Connor gave up, leaving the room with a dramatic sigh. Ava had immediately dropped to the floor when the door closed, slumping against a locker as she sobbed quietly. She didn’t want to act like this, didn’t want to be so dramatic when they saved the patient, but she couldn’t help it. What if they hadn’t saved him? What if they missed the instrument and had closed him up? She had let down Connor and Dr. Latham, but mostly, she let down herself.

Ava hastily wiped away her tears when she heard a knock at the door, cursing her anxiety for making her act like such a baby. She tried to put on a brave face but stayed slumped down, letting her hair hide her for the most part.

“Doctor Bekker?” Sarah had come around the corner, “Doctor Rhodes said you were panicking. Are you okay?”

“J-just like him,” the blonde scoffed, “Goes and tells people about my mistake and calls psych on me? Of course.”

Sarah just sighed, crouching down in front of the older woman, “Are you okay?”

“Oh I’m peachy keen, Doctor Reese,” she replied sarcastically through her tears. It’s not that she wanted to be mean to Sarah, the younger woman didn’t deserve that, but it was her defence mechanism. She hated to show weakness, so she lashed out. It was something she had never been able to grow out of.

“Ava... I’m not here as a psych resident, not if you don’t want me to be. I can be here as a friend, or even as a stranger, I just want to help.”

The CT surgeon had huffed at that, swiping at the stray tears still creeping down her cheeks, “Nothing to help with, Sarah. I’m just ashamed with my work today.”

“Ava... this is classic signs of a panic attack,” even though she said she wasn’t there as a doctor, Sarah couldn’t help the psychoanalysis, “What happened?”

“Lost an instrument in a patient’s heart,” Ava groaned at the sheer stupidity, “Had to reopen him and then just left Connor to clean up my mess. I fucked up.”

“No, Ava, you just made a mistake,” Sarah looked at the door before sitting down on the floor beside the other woman, “Human error happens, please don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I could have killed him, Sarah,” she hit her leg with a closed fist out of frustration, “I just keep reliving the moment and all the ways it could have gone wrong.”

“The important thing is you saved him.”

Ava laughed bitterly, “Barely. How could I be so careless?”

“What was it?”

“The end of a suction catheter...”

“Ava,” Sarah reached a hand out to cautiously hold hers, saving her whitened knuckles from the angry fist they were in, “That’s so small and they shouldn’t come off that easy, of course you wouldn’t expect to lose something like that inside a patient. It was a mistake and you fixed it, please don’t beat yourself up.”

“I let Dr. Latham down... and Connor was so mad...”

“I know, and I know that’s scary,” Doctor Reese agreed, “But you fixed it and all you can do is monitor your patient and grow from the mistake.”

Ava sighed and looked down at their hands, still tightly clasped together. She didn’t remember twining their fingers together or leaning closer to Sarah, but it felt right at the time. The younger girl was her source of stability in that moment, someone she knew wouldn’t judge her or break her trust. It was that moment that Ava decided she would quite like to be more friendly with the psych resident, as she seemed like someone worth knowing.

The rest was history, really. They got closer, became friends over time. Walks for coffee on breaks and discussing cases over lunch quickly became habitual for them. Reese would stop to talk to Ava as she walked through the CICU, something she had never done before. They just worked, the two seemed to realize, and their bond only got strong. It escalated quickly one night, when they got a little too wine drunk on a well deserved night off. Sarah’s usual apprehension disappeared with every drink, returning Ava’s relentless flirting without hesitation. One drunken kiss and they knew, there was no turning back and to be honest neither of them wanted it any other way.

That had been almost eight months ago and somehow they had kept their relationship under wraps in the hospital. Sarah was the one who helped diagnose Ava’s panic and sensory processing disorders, so it was kind of an issue that they were together. She was going to have to switch to a different psychiatrist if word of their relationship spread, but that would be the least of her problems.

Ava knew it would get out eventually, probably the second Maggie caught wind of it, but she didn’t mind. She knew her feelings for Sarah and was unabashed about her bisexuality at that point. It’s not like they were the first doctors in this hospital to be involved, much less the last. She knew Connor might take it a bit hard, felt bad for stringing him along, but really he deserved it in some twisted way. Maybe it would hurt his ego just enough to crush his God complex; losing Ava to a female psych resident.

Ava was still lost in thought as the elevator doors opened to the radiology floor. She jumped when a medical student brushed past her with a halfhearted apology, tearing from her memories to walk off onto the floor. She found her way to the echo waiting area, finding the radiologist quickly.

“Jason Abrams,” the tech said with a terse tone, “You’re gonna want to see this.”

“Mitral regurge?” Ava guessed before she even saw the scan, knowing she was probably correct in her first diagnosis.

“Correct,” he replied, “Very progressed too. Looking at maybe a few weeks before complete prolapse.”

“Poor man.”

“Meds won’t fix it, then?” The tech guessed.

Ava studied the scan before shaking her head, “No, too far gone. I’m probably going to have to replace the valve ASAP, depending on how his body responds to the beta blockers.”

“Shame,” the man shook his head, “Good luck, Doctor Bekker.”

“Thanks.”

With that Ava motioned a nurse in and asked her to take Mr. Abrams up to the cardiac ICU so she could speak to him and his wife in a more comfortable location. The nurse nodded and disappeared to do just that, leaving Ava to make her way upstairs on her own.

She took out her phone and made a call as she was in the elevator alone.

“This is Doctor Reese.”

“Hey, Reese cup,” Ava smiled at the professional tone her girlfriend had answered the call with. She never looked at her caller ID and always made a habit of a professional answer.

“Oh, hi, Aves.”

“You’re cute when you sound all professional,” Ava teased.

“Oh hush,” she could almost see Sarah rolling her eyes, “What’s up?”

“Might have to push our coffee date back a little,” Ava began apologetically, “I might have to do a valve replacement now now.”

“Okay, no worries,” of course Sarah was immediately understanding, “Good luck with your surgery then.”

“Thank you, you’re a doll.”

“So you tell me,” Sarah laughed, “Your slang is sneaking in again, by the way.”

“Is it?” Ava pretended to be shocked, stepping off the elevator, “Hadn’t noticed.”

“Mhm, makes the accent even cuter.”

“Aw, bokkie~” she made sure to use the Afrikaans pet name that Sarah found embarrassingly adorable, “You flatter me.”

“What does that mean again?” Sarah asked after a moment of hesitation and Ava knew she was probably blushing like mad.

“Little doe,” The blonde supplied, “I’d say it suits you.”

“Cheesy.”

“Always,” Ava shot back, “Okay I’m up in the CICU, I’ll page you later?”

“Of course, Doctor Bekker,” Sarah’s voice changed, though not unfriendly,” I’ll see you then.”

“Charles?” Ava laughed, “Bye, love.”

“Bye, Aves.”

Ava sighed as she rounded to corner to her patient’s room, pocketing her phone, “Here goes nothing.”

***

Forty minutes later Ava was scrubbing in, taking off her rings to wash her hands thoroughly. She was humming quietly to herself, trying to ground her thoughts before surgery.

“A valve replacement?” The door had opened to reveal an annoyed Connor, “You weren’t going to page me?”

“My patient, Connor.”

“I’m the trauma surgeon, Ava!”

“You were busy,” she retorted, “And besides he wasn’t even really a trauma. I can do a valve replacement on my own, thanks.”

“You need an assist.”

“You just saying that to steal my lead surgeon position,” she rolled her eyes, “Learn to share, Connor.”

“I’m scrubbing in,” he grumbled.

“I’m lead surgeon,” Ava shook her head as she brushed past him, “Accept that or get off my case.”

She went into the OR and accepted her gown and gloves from the scrub nurse. As she was tying up her gown, she made eye contact with Jason who looked rather nervous.

She gestured for Marty to start the anesthesia, getting into her position and rolling her shoulders a little. Connor stalked into the room and got his gloves and gown, not acknowledging her placement.

“No temper tantrums in my OR, Connor.”

The surgery started completely as normal. Eventually their argument fizzled out and they fell back into the familiar rhythm of operating together. The two CT fellows may have had their ups and downs but there was no doubt that they worked well together in surgery.

“Mechanical valve?” Connor asked, as they had already removed the damaged mitral valve.

“On back order,” the scrub nurse said, “We don’t have this size right now.”

“Oh for fok’s sake,” Ava muttered, glaring sharply at Connor when he immediately mocked her accent.

“It’s funny, Ava, lighten up.”

“I don’t mock yours, Connor.”

“Size 3 porcine valve then,” Connor changed the subject, not needing to start another fight during the hardest part of the surgery.

“They degenerate in half the amount of time,” Ava groaned, “And blood thinners wouldn’t have been a problem for him.”

Connor didn’t answer and they continued the replacement, not speaking other than to direct each other’s movements or ask for other instruments. They had transplanted the valve just fine and things seemed to work out perfectly. Ava was just about to ask for the proper suture size for the pericardium when the monitor started beeping like crazy.

“Shit,” Connor cursed lowly, “Marty?”

“Afib.”

“Why?” Ava looked desperately at Connor, “What happened?”

Connor was fumbling to figure out the issue amidst the rapid, uneven beating of the patient’s heart. Ava cursed herself when she realized the issue.

“Valve must have thrown a clot.”

“Already? How?”

“I don’t know, Connor!” Ava was too overwhelmed to think straight let alone answer his mindless questions, “Internal paddles!”

They worked to regain proper rhythm, shocking the heart to restart its beating. That didn’t seem to help though, unfortunately the opposite happened. Just as they had gotten the atrial fibrillation under control, another thing went wrong.

“Blood pressure’s dropping,” a nurse called out, making Ava look up at the monitors for clarification.

“Connor.”

“I know,” he replied, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

“Doctor Bekker,” the anesthesiologist shouted just as the machine went wild again, “He’s in vfib!”

“Jesus,” Ava’s own heart felt like it was about to jump out of her chest, “Starting intracardiac massage.” Ava began internal compressions as she muttered under her breath, “Come on, Jason, you can’t die on all of them.”

Connor was ordering the nurses around to get epinephrine and recharging the paddles. Ava could barely breathe in the moment, questioning how everything went wrong and what had even happened.

“Charging,” Connor was saying, “Clear!”

Ava moved out of the way so Connor could shock the heart, but it didn’t help the rhythm any. Ava ordered another round of epi, restarting internal compressions.

“How long’s he been down?”

“Three minutes.”

“Damn,” Connor sighed, “Charge again.”

The next bout of electricity didn’t help to restart the heart and it was clear that this wouldn’t be resolved so easily. Ava didn’t give up on compressions, still mumbling half to herself and half to the patient. By the time they had reached the ten minute mark with no improvement, Connor had to grab Ava’s wrist to get her attention.

“Ava,” he halted her movements, “Doctor Bekker, he’s been down for too long. I’m sorry.”

“No...”

“You did what you could, Ava,” Connor’s voice was softer than ever as he tried to keep her calm, “It’s time to call it.”

“Connor...” Ava’s voice sounded pained as she glanced at the clock, “... time of death, 13:47.”

The other surgeon noticed how hard Ava was shaking when they left the OR to scrub out. He watched as she washed her hands roughly, her whole body trembling. No matter how many patients they lost, it would still affect Ava like the first every time.

“Ava...”

She just shook her head, not able to make eye contact, sliding her rings back on with a frustrated movement.

“You tried your best,” he tried again, “And we won’t know what happened until an autopsy’s done. Don’t blame yourself.”

“I don’t want your foking pity, Connor.” Ava snapped, accent even thicker as she held back tears, turning on her heels to rush out of the room.

“Damn it,” Connor cursed, pulling out his phone as the door slammed shut behind the panicking woman.

***

Ava had made it to the CT doctor’s lounge before promptly collapsing on the floor. She let out a gasping breath as the panic overtook her, shame flooding her system at this reaction. Why couldn’t she just be a normal doctor and depersonalize from the loss? Instead every dead patient and lost cause had to make her feel like she was the one who was dying.

She shook her hands out aggressively, trying to channel her anxiety and frustration into motion. It didn’t help though and a pained sob ripped its way from her throat. Covering her ears as if to block out the sounds of her own anxiety, Ava was shaking even harder than before. She knew this was a full blown panic attack and she should call Sarah to get her meds, but she could bring herself to breathe much less find her phone.

“What did I do? F-fuck where did I... w-hat went wrong?”

She was hyperventilating at this point, could feel her heart beating rapidly in her own chest. The sensation only made things worse, made her thing about how Jason’s heart was no longer beating because of her. Ava was so wrapped up in her panic that she didn’t hear the door open, she didn’t even notice when someone was calling her name.

“Ava?” A familiar voice was just barely audible as she still had her hands over her ears. She felt someone sit down on the floor in front of her and could just barely make out a mass of curly hair through her tears.

“Ava, honey,” Sarah was trying to gently catch her attention, “Look at me. Ava, you’re okay.”

“S-Sarah?”

“I’m right here, see?” Sarah reached her arm out but didn’t touch her girlfriend, knowing that touch while she was panicking could only make things worse. Sarah frowned as she let out another shaky sob, “Breathe, baby. You’re okay, I promise.”

“No!” Ava suddenly shrieked, clasped her hands even tighter over her ears. Sarah flinched at the outburst and apologized softly.

“I’m... it’s not- not okay.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Sarah agreed, “What’s not okay?”

“He’s dead,” Ava spat, “He’s dead... dead because of m-me.”

Sarah sighed, “Your patient? Oh, Ava, I’m sure you did everything to save him.”

“He- he just...” her sentence was cut off as she whined in frustration, hands coming off her head to smack her legs.

“Hey, hey, Ava,” Sarah said firmly, “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“I- I don’t care!”

“I know, but I do,” Sarah reached out a hand gently but didn’t touch her, “Can I hold your hands? I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”

Ava looked at her with tear-filled eyes, “Too much.”

“Too much?” Sarah repeated, “What is? The lights or the sound?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay,” Sarah stood up to go shut off the lights, sighing when Ava cried even harder when she left. “I’m coming back, baby,” she said as she rushed back over once the room was darkened significantly. She sat back down in front of Ava, who had her face hidden in her forearms and was slouched over painfully.

“Ava,” she tried to get her attention again, “Do you have your earplugs?”

The blonde made some kind of confirming sound, shifting in a way that Sarah saw as an invitation to get them from her pocket. She spoke softly as she did so, making sure not to spook her girlfriend.

“Okay, I have them right here,” she said as she held the orange foam in her hand, “But I wanna talk to you first, then you can have these and we can be as quiet as you need.”

“Don’t want... to talk.”

“You don’t have to, but I would like to talk to you, is that okay? I missed you today.”

Ava didn’t respond, though she did peek through her arms a little bit. A minuscule nod preceded a little sniffle, making Sarah’s heart ache at the pain her girlfriend was in.

“Can you take a deep breath for me, Ava?”

Ava hesitated but eventually a shaky breath left her lungs, her arms slowly coming away from her face. Sarah smiled sadly at her, noting the makeup streaked down her cheeks and her red eyes; this had been a bad panic attack.

“Hey there, pretty girl,” Sarah said gently, hoping to make her feel a bit better with the lighthearted words. Ava squeaked at that, lip still quivering as her anxiety hadn’t completely left yet.

“Breathe,” Sarah reminded her, taking her own deep breath to prompt the surgeon to do the same. This next one was less shaky, though a big sniffle preceded it.

“Good,” Sarah smiled again, “You’re okay, baby.”

“Not... not really.”

“Not now, maybe,” Sarah agreed, “But you’re safe and I’m going to help you.”

“I... I- let him down, S-Sarah.”

“Who?” Sarah prompted, shifting a little bit closer without touching her yet.

“Connor... Latham,” Ava’s eyes welled back up with tears as she spoke the last name, “J-Jason.”

“Oh, Ava. You didn’t let anyone down. You did your very best as a surgeon, okay?”

“H-how do you know that?”

Sarah sighed, “Baby?”

“Y-yeah?”

“C’mere,” the resident opened her arms, an invitation for Ava to find comfort in them. The older woman hesitated, still half in panic mode, but Sarah’s gentle eyes won her over in the end.

Sarah smiled sadly as Ava half crawled the short distance to slump in her arms, her face quickly finding its hiding place in her neck. Sarah just wrapped her arms around her securely, holding her girlfriend’s shaking body in an attempt to slow her heart rate.

“You, Ava Bekker, are an amazing surgeon,” she began softly, “You work so tirelessly, you’re so selfless when it comes to patients. You love your job, Ava, and you’re insanely good at it. How did you let anyone down today?”

“He... he didn’t- didn’t make it.”

“That happens,” Sarah replied, “Unfortunately. He wasn’t your first loss and he won’t be your last. I know you hurt for him and I know it’s a horrible feeling. You did everything you could, though.”

“How do you know that?” Ava repeated, pained eyes meeting Sarah’s.

“Because you’re the most caring and meticulous surgeon I know. I know you and you certainly wouldn’t give up unless it was the only thing to do.”

“I hate this.”

“I know, love,” Sarah’s gentle hand came up to take the elastic out of Ava’s hair, “I’m so sorry.”

Ava leaned into the loving touch as she smoothed down her hair, her breathing finally even. Tears were still steadily falling down her cheeks, falling into the crook of Sarah’s neck and staining her dress shirt.

“I have your pills,” Sarah said softly, “You want one? It might help.”

There was an extended silence before another minuscule nod. Sarah went to pull back, trying to get the bottle out of her coat, but Ava whined and held tightly onto her.

“Hey,” Sarah cooed softly, “Calm down, Aves. I’m not going anywhere. I just wanna get you some Ativan and water, okay? Then we can sit on the couch together and calm down.”

It took some gentle persuasion before Ava untangled herself from Sarah and stood on shaky legs. Her girlfriend smiled at her sadly, taking her trembling hand to lead her to one of the couches in the lounge. She pressed gently on Ava’s shoulders to get her to sit, leading down to drop a kiss to her forehead.

“Just getting some water,” she promised as she made her way to the counter, grabbing a familiar mug of Ava’s off the drying rack. She filled it with cold water from the cooler, taking out the bottle of sedatives and grabbing one for her as well. Sarah turned back to find Ava curled into herself on the couch, face buried in her hands again. Coming over, she crouched in front of the surgeon and nudged her leg. “Here, my love,” her voice was impossibly gentle, “You need to relax.”

Ava frowned but moved her hands, taking the cup and allowing Sarah to place the pill under her tongue. She let the thing melt, wincing at the taste, but knew the sublingual method would get it into her bloodstream faster. She took a sip of water when it was gone, finally realizing how dehydrated she was from crying so long. She finished the mug in under a minute, making Sarah chuckle lowly when she took the cup back.

The brunette set the cup down on the table, sitting beside Ava on the couch. She held out her hand, the earplugs nestled on her palm like a peace offering. Her girlfriend gave her a pained smile and took them back, debating on if she wanted them in or not.

“Sarah?” Ava sighed shakily, “I’m... I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, Aves?”

“Being such a pain,” Ava mumbled, “This was highly dramatic of me.”

Sarah shook her head, a gentle hand coming to rest on Ava’s thigh, “This is my job, babe, I can assure you that this was an entirely nature response to stress. You have two diagnoses that make this 100x times harder and you still manage to be an amazing surgeon; sometimes you’re going to have meltdowns.”

“I still hate it.”

“I know,” Sarah nodded, “But we got through it, right?”

Ava shrugged again and they fell into silence for a moment, Ava letting out a very shaky sigh. Her girlfriend turned to look at her, smiling at what she saw. The Ativan had clearly taken affect, Ava’s eyes were drooping and her breathing had evened out finally. She looked at Sarah wearily, mumbling something under her breath.

“Tired?”

“Mm,” Ava agreed, “Don’t like pills. Wanna... be awake.”

“I know, baby,” Sarah laughed, “But they help, don’t they?”

Another nod, Ava blinked sleepily at her, “Hug?”

The younger woman immediately opened her arms, pulling her close once again. Ava sighed and leaned into her embrace, finally calm for the first time in hours.

“You can nap here, if you want,” Sarah murmured, “No sense moving to a on call room or anything. You don’t need to see patients right now, Doctor Latham would understand.”

“No... stay...”

“Ava,” Sarah chuckled and shimmied until she was laying down on the couch, pulling her girlfriend down with her, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Ava seemed happy with their current position, shifting her weight on top of Sarah and snuggling down comfortably. She handed her earplugs to Sarah, letting her put them in her ears because her hands were still unsteady. With the sound of the room dramatically decreased and her eyes heavy from the sedative, she felt her anxiety ebbing away to exhaustion.

“Get some rest,” she heard Sarah’s muffled words, “You’re safe and you did so well today.” Ava felt soft hands on her back, smoothing down her unruly hair again and rubbing gently at the tense muscles of her upper back. She sighed, finally letting herself relax into her girlfriend’s safe embrace.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to feel things, yeah? You know I’m always here.”

Ava nodded against her chest, “Ja,” the Afrikaans slipping into her vocabulary as she drifted between sleep and wake, “I... love you, Bokkie.”

Sarah’s cheeks flushed and she was very glad that Ava couldn’t see that reaction to tease her about it, “I love you too, Aves.”

***

Connor rubbed at his face tiredly, making his way down the hallway. He knew he must have left his jacket around the CT floor somewhere, just couldn’t remember where. He reached the doctor’s lounge, hoping he would find it thrown across a chair or something so he could go home. He did not expect to find the sight in front of him when he opened the door.

In the darkened room, the minimal sunlight from the windows highlighted the two figures on the couch closest to the door. Ava was fast asleep on top of Sarah Reese, neon orange earplugs peeking out from under her hair and makeup streaked down her cheeks. Sarah had her arms protectively around Ava’s waist and the younger woman was still awake. She was occupying herself by playing with Ava’s soft blonde hair, the gentle gesture evidently tender. Connor was not expecting her to lean down and press a kiss to Ava’s head, a loving action he immediately knew indicated something way beyond friendship.

He must have made a sound, shifted too heavy or something, because Sarah jumped and looked up. He could see her cheeks turn bright red with embarrassment and knew she wasn’t expecting to be caught in such a vulnerable situation with the least vulnerable surgeon in Gaffney.

“Doctor Rhodes...” Sarah’s voice was a barely audible whisper, clearly trying not to wake the exhausted woman in her arms.

Connor hushed her, shaking his head with a small smile. Maybe it was better this way, even if his initial reaction was the wish to curse and fight for Ava like he always did. Seeing her like this, soft and vulnerable in a way even he had scarcely seen, made him know. Ava loved the psych resident, and the feeling was mutual. She clearly found her safety net in Sarah, and who was he to fight that when he knew how much she needed that?

“Thank you,” he whispered, pointing at Ava with a sad look. He grabbed his jacket off the desk chair, waving goodbye to Sarah and taking one last glance at his beloved fellow surgeon in her arms.

Take care of her, Reese

#pls give feedback this is my first med oneshot 😭#tumblr’s paragraph limit hates me #anxious!ava #chicago med #ava bekker #sarah reese #reesker #connor rhodes #chicago med fanfiction #reesker fanfiction #my-writing

43 notes · View notes

ddaengyoonmin · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter 5

—

Genre: DystopianFuture!au; Prison!au; historical and mythological characters; based on the Fate/ anime series. Fluff, Angst, Smut (it’s gonna be real smutty in some chapters 😳) Action and fighting will be a definite theme.

Pairing: poly!Ot7 X Reader -there will be some three(maybe even more)some smut in future chapters

Warnings: Fingering, Unprotected sex, voyeur and exhibitionism?

Word count: 4.8k

Taglist: @bellexwriter @3rachascompass

@im-emo-motherfuckers @i-like-puppy-mg

@mynameisstruggling @kaekae-h @skytime092

@seesawsmin-flower @oddkpopgirl @caibaby23

@spider-thot0115 @sunshine-or-some-shit

@em1joon @aclp-jb1d @monvieesdaebak @mother-forker @karissassirak

@littlebluebird-al @namjoonsslutakakoreanmanswhore @d-noona

(if i forgot you let me know lol i suck at taglists but i try my best!! <3 )

As the car continued to speed down the road, Yoongi's foot was shaking on the pedal. He’d had his fair share of experiences racing away from a terrifying situation, but nothing compared to this. His palms sweat, slipping slightly on the steering wheel as he made a sharp turn. The brutal sight from mere minutes ago playing in his mind on a loop.

About twenty feet up in the air a silver camera drone hovered. Almost as if it had eyes, Yoongi felt its stare intruding into the windows of the car. Yoongi rolled down his driver’s side window.

“Did you like that you sick fucks? Did we put on a good show for you?” He screamed out, putting his arm out the window and sticking his middle finger up at the drone, At the world, at the viewers who were probably all comfortable on their couches with popcorn and other snacks while they watched that gruesome event play out. Some had probably even cheered when the team was taken out. If they had a bet going on they may have just won some money off the deaths that took place.

Yoongi was growing nauseous at that thought, and put his foot to the gas even more, wanting to be home and indoors where the cameras wouldn’t follow.

————————————————————

When the car pulled into the garage, the rest of the group assumed the same roles they had done the last time. You slid off the back of the trunk shakily as Jimin held out a hand to steady you on your way down.

“Thanks” you mumbled.

“Of course, you okay?”

“Been better” you shrugged. You had thought that nothing could ever terrify you more than Vulcan did. Yet, today had proved you wrong. When you were faced with your possible demise, you had a thought. You didn’t want to leave this world, not yet, you still needed more time with these men.

Master, his cold way of dealing with you still hadn’t turned you off from the idea that he was still someone you wanted to be close with.

Jin, his caring nature, the way he carried you to the couch, and constantly checked in on you.

Hoseok, you hadn’t gotten extremely close with him, but you really like him and his ready to go attitude that really encouraged the rest of the team, and kept them positive despite what you were all going through.

Namjoon, the way he cared about his teammates, taking on a lot of the hard decisions and playing mediator even when he had his own shit going on, you knew that took a toll on him, but he didn’t show it.

Jimin, the beautiful man who made you feel so good nights ago. You had grown fond of his smile, and his warm heart. He was moody and a bit rash at times, but he was good, and kind to you.

Taehyung, the man you had felt comfortable talking to about your past. He listened well, and he didn’t seem to judge you for anything. If he did, he’d never said a word. He felt like safety in this world that was currently anything but.

And lastly Jungkook, the awkward shy man, who you noticed was scared and probably wanted to run away from this whole thing and never look back. Yet, he stayed with his teammates, not wanting to let anyone down and still trying his best.

These men, your team mates. You weren’t ready to leave that behind.

So, for the first time in your life, or second life, whatever it may be...you were truly afraid of death. You felt that ticking clock of mortality telling you that there wasn’t enough time, that there might never be enough time with them.

You were torn away from your thoughts when two strong arms were pulling you into a hug. Which surprised you, the men had tried their best to keep skinship with you to a minimum so as not to risk getting carried away with the lustful feelings.

It was Jin, he had pulled you in tightly, and you accepted it, wrapping your arms around his waist and locking them behind his back.

He didn’t say a word, just holding you there for a minute in the garage. You realize everyone had left and you’d been standing there in a daze, which must’ve worried Jin.

When he pulled back he gave you a small smile and patted you on the head.

“I needed that” you spoke softly.

“Yeah me too actually” he chuckled, then looked down at the small tent in his pants that had formed and sighed “Yeah that’s not my fault.” He winked

You giggled “yeah, my bad”

“Mmm, not sure if I’d call it bad” Jin brought his hand to your face and brushed your cheek lightly with his thumb.

You felt a shiver run up your spine, and a small tingle of pleasure at his gentle and loving touch.

“You know I really wish we could. But I won’t force myself on you like Yoongi did” he frowned

“Yoongi didn’t force himself on me” you looked down and shuffled your feet

“Bullshit. You’re telling me you let him treat you that way?” He shook his head, not believing you.

“I did. And he could do it again. He can do whatever he likes to me. He’s my master” you snapped, taking a step back from Jin.

“Hey hey hey, I’m sorry okay...I just find it hard to believe that you’re okay with that. I’m just worried about you.” He sighed again “just don’t think you have to let him treat you that way. You don’t deserve it” Jin stepped forward, kissing you on your forehead and letting his lips linger there for a while.

“Thanks for your opinion” you said in a monotone voice. Not wanting to discuss this further.

“So you really want him…” he grumbled.

“I want all of you...but I want him most” you whispered.

Jin nodded, “well, I’ll try not to be too hurt by that. At least I’m a contender huh?”

“I really do like you too Jin, please just don’t worry about how I deal with Yoongi and our... relationship….”

Jin grinned “okay, I’ll do my best to stay out of it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry okay?”

You nodded.

“Do you think…” he paused. Debating on if he should finish. “Do you think the others would be mad if you slept with me tonight?”

You raised your eyebrows “I mean, Namjoon set rules right?”

“Oh! No no, I meant like, just sleeping, literal sleeping, like...you share my blankets and pillows with me, maybe...we cuddle or something. Nothing more” he ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly getting nervous like a schoolboy asking out his first crush.

“I’m not sure what they’d think” you chuckled “but if they don’t mind. I’d love to”

Jin nodded his head up and down quickly “I-I’m gonna ask about that.” He sped over to the door into the house, holding it open for you to go in first. You felt his eyes locked on you as you walked into the house and to the kitchen for something to drink.

Jin didn’t know how much longer he could take this. He needed you, and he wished that you loved him most. It seemed that your affections leaned towards Yoongi more than anyone else, maybe all you really wanted from the others was sex and nothing more. But, Jin was convinced he could show you how a good man would treat his woman, and maybe then…

———————��———————-

Everyone had grabbed something from the kitchen to either drink or eat before settling down to sit on their beds. It wasn’t quite evening yet, but each of them had exhausted expressions. Taehyung was trying to comfort Jungkook who still was slightly in shock.

They were rightfully shaken up.

Namjoon finally spoke up.

“So, I know it's hard to think of what happened today as a good thing. But, it wasn’t us that got taken out. So we have reason to feel some relief.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, “Yeah I’ll feel relieved when it’s over”

“Well I think we have reason to feel grateful. Goddess saved us back there. You saw what happened to the others, that could’ve easily been us.” Taehyung spoke, casting a smile your way, “That was good thinking distracting Archer.”

You didn’t want to admit that distracting her wasn’t quite your plan, but yes, things did all work out.

Yoongi scoffed and rolled his eyes for a second time.

Jimin jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow. “If you don’t start being nice to her I swear I’m not talking to you anymore. She’s been nothing but kind and helpful since the moment she got here. Hell, she’s even put up with your sour attitude better than your own friends here have. So I think it’s time to put whatever shit you have going on behind you and start appreciating YOUR servent”

Yoongi suddenly frowned and looked down to the floor.

“I’m sorry….” he muttered.

“To us? Or to her?” Jin asked, “because I don’t think you should apologize to any of us before you’ve made things right with her.”

Yoongi didn’t quite know what to say. How could he possibly put what he’d been feeling into words, who could possibly understand? If he said what was honestly on his mind would that make things better? Or should he just tell them what they want to hear, then everything can go on like sunshine and rainbows even when he knows it’s not.

Jimin spoke before Yoongi had made a decision on that.

“I think Yoongi's issue here is...that he hates the Escape war. He hates everything it stands for and he holds a grudge against society for making it acceptable. And unfortunately goddess here is a part of that system that you hate right?” Jimin turned to Yoongi meeting his eyes.

Yoongi nodded shamefully “I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to be a master, I just want to serve my time and live my life here in red brick like anyone else. And every time I see her, or hear her speak. I’m reminded that I’m a part of a sick game that rich fucks created to fill their wallets.”

The room fell silent for a long while. No one quite knew what to say to make Yoongi feel better.

“Did you ever think that I didn’t ask for any of this either?” You spoke, breaking the quiet. “That I’m no less of a victim in all of this than you are? I don’t represent thing sick game any more than you do Master. But you know what? I was happy that I was summoned here the moment I saw you, when I asked who my master was, and you spoke, I couldn’t have been more excited to get to know you and be on your team. Not because I was excited to win, or kill, but because of you and the goodness I saw in your eyes. I love you Master, why won’t you accept me?” Tears started to form in your eyes as you spoke. All eyes in the room were shifting back and forth between you and Yoongi, wondering how he’d respond.

His mouth hung open, like words were trying to come out but being held back.

What he did next wasn’t unexpected, but it didn’t stop you from letting out a loud sob while he stormed silently out of the room and into his bedroom.

Jin shook his head angrily. The rest of the group were motionless and still deep in thought about your confession.

“You love him?” Jimin spoke quietly.

“I don’t know what else to call it…” you muttered. “It’s like I told Jin earlier...I care for all of you, but Master...what I feel for him is more”

“So do you love me?” Jin spoke. It caught you off guard, you didn’t quite know if you could call your feelings for the rest of them love. Lust? Yes. Protectiveness? Also yes. Love? What even is love? You just confessed that you loved Yoongi, but did you even know that it was what you felt?

The next series of events happened far too quickly for you to stop.

“If anything she’d love me. She kissed me, and touched me. And we understand eachother” Taehyung's chest puffed out with pride as he confessed.

“Well she might love me too since I went down on her, and we understand each other as well” Jimin shrugged.

The rest of the group sat wide eyed and in shock at their admission of breaking Namjoons rules.

“W-what?” Jungkook stuttered staring at Taehyung with a look of betrayal.

Jin stiffened and fell quiet and still. Hoseok chuckled and patted Jimin on the back as if to say ‘nice one’. Namjoon on the other hand looked furious.

“Did I not say…” He started. Then he looked to you, his face growing red and angry “Did you make them do this?”

You couldn’t find the right words to say, you were embarrassed and ashamed. The last thing you wanted was to cause tension in the group. You felt that Namjoon now saw you how most men had always seen you, a temptress and a witch who lured men into her spell of lust.

Jimin stepped in before you came up with something to say.

“Namjoon stop. If anything it was my fault, she honestly tried to talk me out of it at first. I’m sorry I broke the rules. But I think it was a ridiculous rule in the first place. You know we all want her, and it’s not that easy to hold back.”

Namjoon’s eyes narrowed “Fine then.” he said coldly “Fine. No more rules. Everyone just do whatever you’d like with her then.”

The room was in shock at the lift on Namjoons ban.

“Obviously if she wants to, which I don’t see being an issue. I mean that's your whole thing right?” Namjoon looked your way a hint of disgust in his tone that made you feel ashamed.

You frowned slightly

“Y-yeah. That’s my thing I guess” You stammered with an almost sarcastic tone, feeling slightly annoyed at the way he had just spoken to you. Like a toy, like all you were good for was sex and putting out when someone wanted it from you. You’d like to think that you were more than that, but your past experiences didn’t really give you much of a defense.

Namjoon sighed and stood up from his chair, “I’m gonna go get Yoongi” he grumbled as he left.

--------------------------------

The rest of the night was awkward. All of your team seemed to not know how to handle Namjoon’s rule being ended. Should they give it a try? Your reaction definitely didn’t seem like you were happy about it, and as irresistible you were to them, they weren’t going to force you into anything.

When it came time to sleep you settled down on the couch, everyone including Yoongi and Namjoon were settling into their places in the living room and quickly falling asleep.

Just as you were about to shut your eyes and do the same, a soft voice hit your ears from the side of the couch.

“I suppose that means my proposition earlier is fine...if you still want to?” Jin whispered.

You looked down to where he laid right below you along the length of the couch. He smiled up at you, with a hopeful expression.

You were happy that you hadn’t crushed his spirits earlier with everything that had gone down. You really did like him too, he meant a lot to you. When he asked you if you loved him, you wanted so badly to tell him that you did, even if you didn’t. Just to see the way his face would light up at your words. You wanted him happy, and loved.

“Of course.” You whispered back with a smile. Quietly you lower yourself down onto the floor, he held his blanket up for you to get under, he was shirtless and wearing only a pair of light pink sweatpants. Almost instantly he pulled you tightly into himself, your back pressed against his hard and muscular chest, an arm clutching you around your waist holding you tightly to him.

You could feel his erection start to grow against your backside. You knew he couldn’t help it, it was just the spell, you told yourself.

But, feeling wanted by this kind and caring man had you feeling better about the day’s events, and you found yourself wiggling slightly against the hardness in the front of his pants, rubbing your ass against him.

He reacted instantly to the feeling, shutting his eyes tightly and bringing his head to rest on your shoulder and his cheek against your own. He let out a small moan as you continued.

“Fuck baby. Don’t stop doing that” he whispered into your ear.

You started to press your hips harder back into him, rolling them in small circles and rubbing against him. His hand now moved from your waist and clutched your hip, holding you tightly to himself as you moved. He moaned lightly again and you could feel his chest start to rise and fall quickly as his breathing increased. You felt your own arousal growing as you continued, the hot sticky wetness that was now underneath your dress proving how turned on you were from this.

“You’re making me want to fuck you right here.” He murmured.

As much as you felt like you were only proving Namjoon right at this point, you couldn’t deny how badly you wanted to do exactly that.

Fuck it, maybe sex was something that you just couldn’t resist, but that didn’t mean you weren’t more than that. And you weren’t going to pass up this opportunity just because of what Namjoon said.

You grabbed Jins hand that was on your waist, moving it down and underneath your dress to your dripping center, holding tightly onto his wrist as his fingers started to find their way between your folds. You shivered at the feeling and your hips pressed back into him making him groan.

“Shh” you quietly giggled.

You felt Jin smile against the skin on your neck where he was now leaving light kisses.

Jin's fingers started to circle your clit, making you gasp out.

“Hey, shh” he chuckled, laughing at the hypocrisy of you being noisy right after shushing him.

After circling around your clit for a few moments, his fingers trailed their way down and to your entrance. He nipped your ear lightly as one of his fingers entered into you. You tried your best to be quiet, biting your lip at the feeling. Then another finger entered, and he started to slowly move them in and out, curling them and brushing against your sensitive walls.

You wanted to moan and scream with pleasure but continued to bite your lip holding back your noises, not wanting to wake your teammates. You don’t quite know why, but you’d feel slightly embarrassed if anyone woke up and caught you like this with Jin.

Jin continued a steady pace of in and out, soft kisses trailing up and down your neck as he did, loving the way you’d move your hips against him when he’d brush against a spot or touch you in a way that seemed to feel exceptionally good.

Your breathing was quickened and shallow, trying your best to not let out a scream that was building in your stomach next to the orgasm that was building under Jin’s fingers.

“Cum for me Goddess” he whispered into your ear.

And that was your undoing. You let out a long exhale as your walls convulsed and tightened around his fingers. Your orgasm flooding over you, pure bliss hitting every inch of your body. You shook and wiggled against him as you came.

“Fuck baby, you’re so hot” Jin brought his fingers out of you and to his lips. You turned your head just in time to see him take the two fingers that were covered in your juices and bring them past his soft plush lips, sucking on them and releasing them with a quiet pop.

“And delicious” he added

You lean your head forward to him, your eyes locked on those tempting lips.

He met you halfway and his lips touched yours passionately and heavily. His kisses were sloppy but somehow precise at the same time. You could easily get lost in them for hours if he’d let you.

You felt him reach a hand down, adjusting his pants to be able to pull out his cock. You could now feel him against your ass as your dress was pulled up past your waist. You repeated your previous motions, rubbing against him and rolling your hips in circles against him.

“Goddess. You are so perfect.” he muttered, his lips brushing against your ear now.

“Can I?” he whispered, now moving to position his cock at your entrance that was still soaked from your orgasm.

“Yes. Please” you moaned.

Jin then slowly started to lift his hips, pushing himself into you every so slightly, and groaning softly with every small movement.

Once he was completely inside of you, his hand gripped your hip tightly and he held you still as he somehow pushed up even further. You let out a small gasp at how deep inside of you he was, which caused him to chuckle and bring his other arm under your head. He brought two fingers to your lips, and you instantly parted your mouth. He pushed his fingers inside, his way of trying to keep you quiet most likely. You started to suck on his fingers, flicking your tongue along them as he pushed them deeper into your mouth. Jin now started to slowly move his hips, moving himself in and out of you.

You hadn’t seen his cock, only felt it, but the way that it filled you up you could only assume he was huge. Much longer than Yoongi had been.

Jin growly softly as he started to pick up his pace, rolling his hips quickly and gripping your hips tightly, his fingertips digging into your side as his hips smacked against your ass.

“Shit” he gasped a bit too loud. Suddenly you felt his whole body still, and his hand grip tighter onto you. He was hissing softly, and you could now feel a warmness hitting your walls, and his body starting to shiver against you as he breathed heavily.

“Fuck.” he winced. Pulling his fingers from your mouth, turning to look at you with an embarrassed expression.

“I’m so sorry, that came out of nowhere” he spoke shyly. “No pun intended…” he added starting to laugh at his own joke.

“It’s fine” you smiled and brought your lips to his shaking mouth, planting a soft kiss. “You are amazing.”

“Yeah?” Jin grinned widely “You’re more amazing. That felt too good”

“Yeah. It sounded like it.” A voice grumbled from the other side of Jin. You jumped with surprise, Your hand shot up to your mouth and your eyes widened.

Jin was equally as taken back by the voice, and he mouthed an ‘oh my god’ at you.

“Maybe let me join in next time if you’re going to be so obvious about it. I probably would have lasted more than a minute” the voice belonging to Hoseok whispered again, he lifted his head looking at Jin, then to you and winking.

“Yeah right, maybe next time buddy.” Jin chuckled and rolled his eyes, putting himself back into his pants now and pulling you into him for some cuddles.

“I’ll hold you to it.” Hoseok teased. Though part of you knew he probably wasn’t kidding. For the first time your mind imagined a scenario of all of these men at once and you, all of them standing naked worshipping your body and touching every inch of you. You smiled and felt a warmness grow in your cheeks while you pictured it. It was a selfish thought, but now it was stuck in your mind all the way until you drifted to sleep in Jin’s arms

----------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning your group decided to do another patrol of the city, Hoseok had suggested venturing out a little further than your own neighborhood. He felt the best strategy was just to get in the middle of things and hope for the best. Jungkook seemed terrified of that idea, but being the youngest he tended to try and hold back from arguing too much decisions that the others made.

Namjoon agreed as long as Yoongi was alright with it. Which he was.

As the eight of you filed into the garage and to the car, Yoongi pulled you aside from the group for a moment.

He had grabbed your arm to pull you away and your heart fluttered wildly at his touch.

“So I was caught up to speed on everything that happened after I left yesterday.”

You felt slightly embarrassed that he now knew you’d been with Taehyung and Jimin, and possibly he now knew about Jin, considering that you two weren’t as quiet as you’d thought.

“Oh?” you stared at him wide eyed.

“ Yeah. So. Just…” Yoongi stuttered, then paused a moment

“Just, try not to break their hearts while you make rounds fucking the entire group. That’s the last thing we need here trying to win this war” he grumbled.

It seemed like that wasn’t what he had planned to say when he first pulled you aside, maybe he had meant to use kinder words, or even talk to you about the fact that you had said you loved him. Yet, instead, staying true to all his previous interactions with you, he was simply cold and mean.

You frowned and nodded as he stomped away to the drivers side of the car and got inside, slamming the door behind himself. You could see him mouth something to himself as he ran his hands through his hair nervously and quickly.

Jimin now approached, offering you a helping hand as the two of you got up on the trunk beside Jungkook.

“So you and Jin now too huh?” He smirked.

“Ahhh shit, did everyone hear?” you groaned

“Yeah…” Jungkook said on the other side of you. You sighed and shook your head.

“Do you really want all of us like that?” Jungkook spoke almost inaudibly, not meeting your eyes as he talked. You thought for a moment, and figured it’d be best to be honest.

“Yes…” you answered “Yeah. I do.”

“Even me?” Jungkook squeaked. The innocence in his voice made you smile. And you could hear Jimin chuckle on the other side of you.

“Yes even you Kook”

He instantly became extremely shy and embarrassed, which was honestly incredibly adorable to you.

“Maybe some time we can, huh?” you told him. Now you were picturing it. Sweet Jungkook moaning underneath you, eyes wide as he came from the pleasure that you’d give him...

He nodded, still avoiding your eyes. How cute.

-----------------------------------------------

Things were eerily quiet as your team drove around the buildings of Red Brick. The other prisoners still kept in their houses, trying to avoid any crossfire.

The car was now reaching the church, and you felt yourself tense up. You knew he’d be there, right at the top like he was before.

“Can we go down this street?” you yelled out, pointing to a street with a lot of tall shops and buildings and looking like a ghost town with no one working or shopping.

You saw Yoongi shrug and do as you suggested. You let out a sigh of relief at not having to drive past the tower where you knew Vulcan sat.

As your team's car drove down the abandoned streets a loud revving sound rang out from above. You looked up to the buildings to see an older man on top of a building, sitting tall and confidently on a motorcycle looking down at you. His team also stood there, all older men, each of them looking at least 60 or older, with long gray hair and grey beards. The servant grinned and let out a loud belly laugh upon seeing you. His hands clutched the handlebars of his sparkling motorcycle, red and white with blue stars decorating it.

His voice boomed out loud, echoing down the whole street. Almost as if he was speaking for the cameras and for the audience. His showmanship was definitely apparent. He seemed to be from a much later time in the world than you had lived.

“Gather round ladies and gentleman. For my next trick, I will jump from this building, taking out the legendary Aphrodite. One step closer to winning the escape war.”

His long red white and blue cape flew in the wind.

The rider servant.

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #jimin x reader #jin x reader #jungkook x reader #namjoon x reader #taehyung x reader #hoseok x reader #yoongi x reader #bts au #fate/bangtan #jin smut #btssmutclub #btswriterscollective

202 notes · View notes

filmfanatic82 · 5 years ago

Photo

AO3 Link (HERE)

Chapter 8

“Crawling underneath my skin, sweet talk with a hint of sin

Begging you to take me

Devil underneath your grin, sweet thing, bet you play to win, heaven gonna hate me

And touch me like you never

And push me like you never

And touch me like you never

'Cause I am not afraid, I am not afraid anymore

No no no”

-- Not Afraid Anymore, Halsey

__________

Warmth.

That’s the first thought that registers with Penelope as she slowly comes into consciousness. There’s a strangely familiar warmth of arms around her body, holding her close in comfort.

But who do the arms belong to?

Penelope’s mind begins to race, quickly replaying the fragments of memories from last night. She had gone to Alaric’s office in search of alcohol and found the bottle of whiskey and then…

Then the memories grow fuzzy. There are flashes of the school courtyard. And the woods. And even the dock.

Why the hell did she go down to the dock?

“Stop moving. It’s too early to get up,” Hope mumbles from behind Penelope. She re-adjusting her grip on the raven-haired girl, nuzzling her head into the crook of her neck in the process.

“Hope?” Penelope questions in slight confusion. She blinks away the sleep from her eyes and right away notices that once again she’s in Hope’s dorm room.

“Who else would it be?” Hope fires back, sounding more awake than before.

“Oh god… How did I end up here?”

“You want the short or the long answer?”

Penelope rolls over to face Hope and runs her hands through her bedhead. “Neither?”

Hope lets out a sigh. “MG and I found you passed out on the docks late last night with a half-empty bottle of whiskey.”

“Shit,” Penelope mutters under her breath as she internally kicks herself in the ass for being such a hot mess.

“How did you end up at the dock in the first place? Weren’t you supposed to be on the roof with Josie?”

“I was…”

“Okay…”

“But things didn’t exactly go as planned,” Penelope says with a long exhale of air. She stares up at the ceiling, unable to deal with the Tribrid’s eyes upon her. “We kissed.”

“You did? That’s awe-- Wait… So what went wrong? Cause last I checked that’s a good thing.”

“It was. It was beyond good. It was amazing.”

“Was?”

“We kissed and then Josie freaked out on me and told me that she can’t do this.”

“Ouch…” Hope says sucking in air between her teeth.

“Yeah. And then she up and ran off before I could say anything else.” Penelope grabs the pillow from beneath her head and then pulls it over her face in utter frustration. “Ugh… I need more time.”

“How much time is left?”

“Two days,” Penelope mutters in an almost incoherent voice through the pillow.

“You serious?”

“Dead serious.”

Hope wrenches the pillow of Penelope’s face and half-jokingly smacks her with it.

“Hey!”

“Penelope ‘I would use your middle name if I knew what it was’ Park. Stop sulking and get your ass outta my bed.”

“It’s Charlotte.” Penelope props herself up onto her elbows and sighs once again.

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I would’ve guessed it was Lucifer,” Hope replies with a smirk. Penelope snatches the pillow up and hits Hope back with it.

“Not funny.”

“Oh, c’mon. It was a good one.”

“Seriously, Hope. What am I supposed to do? It’s not like I have the luxury of letting her work through her emotions for a few days and then try again.”

Hope pries the covers off herself, swings her legs out of the bed, and then walks around to Penelope. “Get up.”

Penelope stares at Hope in confusion but Hope doesn’t let it stop her. She grabs hold of Penelope’s hands and yanks her up out of the bed.

“Get out, Penelope.”

“But--”

“You’re gonna head back to your room, change your clothes, run a hairbrush through your hair, and go hunt down Josie.”

“But she doesn’t want to--”

“Yes, she does. Trust me. And you and I both know it. There’s no one else in the world that Josie Saltzman wants more than you,” Hope continues on, outright ignoring Penelope’s protests. She places her hands on Penelope’s shoulders and steers her towards her dorm room door.

“Hope, I--”

“Go! And don’t you dare think of bringing your ass back here until you’ve found her.” Hope opens the dorm room door and gives Penelope a firm shove.

“I hate you,” Penelope says over her shoulder.

“No, you don’t,” Hope answers back and then shuts the door, nipping Penelope in the heels as she does.

“Fuck.” Penelope runs her hands through her hair one more time as the truth behind Hope’s words settles down upon her. She needs to find Josie… and now.

__________

“Jojo?” Penelope blurts out in surprise as she opens the door to her dorm room and comes face to face with the sight of the brunette siphoner sitting there smack dab in the middle of her room… on her bed.

“Hey,” Josie responds quietly, bringing her rich chocolate brown eyes up to meet Penelope’s. “I didn’t know when you’d be back so I thought I would just wait here.”

“Yeah. I crashed in Hope’s room again.” Penelope slips into the room and shuts the door behind her.

“I know.” Penelope watches as Josie starts to fidget with the frayed string of her navy Salvatore sweatshirt and can’t help but feel a hint of a smile crawl across her lips.

Josie is in the sweatshirt yet again.

Her sweatshirt.

“You do?”

Josie nods. “I’m the one that told Hope and MG that you were missing. I came looking for you in your room and couldn’t find you so I went to Hope’s. She mentioned that she hadn’t seen you either. So we all split up and searched for you at all of the usual spots. It was Hope’s idea to check dock.”

“I just needed some air,” Penelope responds unsure of what exactly to do or say in the given moment. She awkwardly shifts from foot to foot still unable to bring herself to move from the confines of the doorway.

Penelope has played these hypothetical Josie moments over and over again in her mind thousands of times before. Always refining the precisely right combo of words and actions she would use to make the siphoner fall back in love with her. Like a well-rehearsed play written directly to her heart.

There was supposed to be time for a proper build-up. Tiny moments, like stolen glances in their chemistry of magic class or sharing laughter over one of MG’s lame dad jokes during lunch in the dining hall. One after the next, until they morphed into something more. Something that would naturally lead Penelope back down the familiar path to Josie’s heart.

There was supposed to be time…

“Pen, I--”

“It’s okay,” Penelope says, cutting Josie off before any further damage can be done. She swallows the dry lump residing in the back of her throat and then tucks a few loose strands of hair behind her ears. “I get it.”

“Pen--”

“No, really. It’s okay, Josie. You don’t have to explain. I should’ve--”

“Penelope!” The use of her full name stops Penelope dead in her tracks. She stands there frozen, eyes scanning Josie’s face for a sign-- any sign-- of what’s to come next.

“Please, just come here,” Josie pats the open spot beside her on the bed. It takes a moment for Penelope to register the request but then makes her way across the room and joins Josie. They sit there, side by side, in the awkward silence for what seems like an eternity, bodies impossibly close but still not touching.

Once again, Penelope’s inner 16-year-old self screams at the top of its lungs to say something.

Anything.

But words are simply nowhere to be found.

Not when all Penelope can concentrate on is the sheer proximity of Josie in relation to herself. They are innately magnetic. Always have been. Ever since that very first moment that Penelope set eyes on the brunette siphoner. Drawn to one another by some unknown force, regardless of the situation.

And Penelope more than knows that this invisible magnetism won’t ever go away… Not even when Josie is no longer Josie.

A fresh set of chills runs down Penelope’s spine as she pushes the thought back down into the dark recesses of her mind. She can’t go there.

Not now.

Not when there’s still a chance to prevent those horrific memories from ever transpiring.

“I’m sorry,” Josie says, finally breaking the silence between them.

“It’s okay, I--”

“Pen, I need you to just listen.” Josie ever-so-gently places her hand down upon Penelope’s thigh and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Josie nods. “I shouldn’t have run out on you last night. Especially not right after we kissed. I just… I freaked out and didn’t know what to do. Ever since you mentioned the Merge in your letter, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. And what that means for my future… And Lizzie’s. What if there’s no way to stop it? What happens then? Lizzie and I are forced to battle each other to the death? I… I can’t do that. Not to Lizzie. So that means I’ve got what? Six years left to live? It sounds like a lot of time but when you compare it to a lifetime, it’s really nothing at all. And it would be so selfish of me to inflict that death sentence on anyone else, but I… I can’t help it… All I want is you.”

Penelope reaches up and takes hold of Josie’s cheeks within the palms of her hands, wiping away a fresh tear. She locks eyes with the set of rich chocolate brown ones staring back at her as a hint of a bittersweet smile emerges upon her face. “Jojo, You already have me.”

Before Penelope can finish her sentence, Josie’s lips are upon her, instantly melting away any remaining traces of fear and doubts. The kiss is unrelentingly savage. And Penelope can’t get enough. She kisses back, matching every ounce of Josie’s intensity, falling into a sudden tug-o-war for dominance.

After a moment or two, Josie pulls out of the kiss, but not before giving Penelope’s bottom lip a suggestive nip for good measure. She stares at Penelope with an uncharacteristic lustful look as a devilish smirk spreads across her cherry red lips. “Shirt off.”

“Jo…” Penelope slightly hesitates causing Josie to take matters into her own hands. She playfully shoves Penelope back onto the bed and in one swift move, swings her leg over, pinning Penelope by her hips.

“I’m not asking,” Josie follows up while grabbing hold of the hem of Penelope’s shirt. She pulls it off in one fluid motion, taking Penelope’s bra off with it.

A warm shiver washes over Penelope as her skin ignites from Josie’s touch.

God, is it addicting.

A heavy moan of pure ecstasy escapes Penelope’s lips. “Baby…”

“Shh…” Josie swallows Penelope’s moan with another searing hot kiss as her hands continue to further unwrap Penelope like a much-anticipated Christmas present. “Let me take care of you.”

Before Penelope can even utter a protect, Josie unzipped her jeans and gently peels them off her legs. She marks bruising trail down the slope of Penelope’s neck to her collar bone and then goes to work on to the swell of her breasts.

“Fuck me,” Penelope moans again unable to contain the raw desire coursing through her veins. She’s fantasized about this moment-- this very exact moment-- day in and day out for the last six years and yet not that it’s happening, it doesn’t feel quite real. As if somewhere along the way she slipped from consciousness into one of her more than favorable dreams.

“Oh, I plan to,” Josie laughs against Penelope’s hip bone and then hooks her fingers into the thin strip of black cotton. “But first these need to go.”

Penelope happily obliges, lifting her hips off of the bed as Josie slides her last article of clothing off of her body and then tosses them aside. She watches as the love of her life, briefly hovers above her, eyes roaming over every last inch of flesh that Penelope has to offer. Josie bites her lip and smiles.

“What?” Penelope asks matching Josie’s infectious smile with one of her own.

“I love you.”

And that’s all it takes for Penelope’s heart to explode. “I love you too, Jojo.”

Josie hums a response and then proceeds to descend downwards until settling in on the one spot where Penelope needs her the most. Penelope closes her eyes and fully let’s go as her body is all but consumed with infinite love and desire.

#posie #josie x penelope #josie saltzman #penelope park #legacies #hope mikaelson #wlw #ao3 #fanfic

11 notes · View notes

lanx-reads · 7 years ago

Text

DNF Review: Throne of Glass

Final Rating: */***** or 2/10

After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.

Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king's council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she'll serve the kingdom for four years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she's bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her ... but it's the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.

Then one of the other contestants turns up dead ... quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.

Throne of Glass isn’t the worst book I’ve ever read, but it certainly was one of the most infuriating, which is why I was only able to read about 50% of it.

Since I didn’t finish it, I am only going to review the issues and things I disliked within the first half I read of it.

I also wanna note that I did read spoilers for the ending to confirm some thoughts I had and will be touching upon those.

Since this is my first DNF Review, I am gonna discuss why I picked up this book in the first place, the writing style (which is something that, for the most part, doesn’t really change from beginning to end), the premise (rather than the plot since I didn’t finish the book), the things I liked about the book, what I disliked about this book, and finally why I put it down.

Why I Picked Throne of Glass Up

So. A year or two ago I wanted to get back into reading. Due to a lot of issues and things in my personal life, I completely stopped reading for pleasure during my Sophomore year of high school, which meant I had stopped reading for... about 4 years? Which made me really upset as I had always been an avid reader! And since I was getting really passionate about writing, I figured I should get back into reading.

So I made a post on tumblr asking what YA books people recommended. I had been reading YA when I stopped reading (well... a mix of YA and MG, but mainly YA) so I figured that’d be the best place to start.

Numerous people recommended me different things, but one anon recced Throne of Glass to me. It was a fantasy (a genre I mentioned liking in my post) and they told me that though they hadn’t read it themselves, they had a friend who adored the series and that it was really popular so it was probably pretty good.

The. Really popular bit made me nervous, but nevertheless, I went onto Amazon. Bless me, actually, because I decided I’d try and read the little promo Amazon gives you before buying it.

I DNF’d it after half a page. I had never DNF’d a book so fast and so hard. The first time, what made me DNF this book was Celaena complaining about her looks while being in a prison. Like... girl...... priorities....

Months later, I started seeing people talking about this book a little as I got back into reading. Getting curious, I read some reviews, both bad and good, and decided to give this book another shot.

It was as bad as I thought it would be, if not worse.

The Premise (What was this?)

Honestly, I still don’t really know what I read. What even is Throne of Glass? What is life, in fact? What is the universe? I don’t know, but I feel like I’d figure out the latter two questions before I figured out the first.

So. The premise, or basic story idea of ToG is basically... Cinderella... mixed with Assassin’s Creed... mixed with the Hunger Games.... I dunno about anyone else but when people describe a piece of media to me as a mix of two or more random-ass things, I start getting nervous.

But honestly I have no idea how else to describe Throne of Glass. I couldn’t tell what this book wanted to be! And that was really what fucked me up. It wanted to be a big epic fantasy. It wanted to be a mystery. It wanted to be about girls in pretty dresses kissing pretty boys and having to choose between them. It wanted a princess aesthetic but with a character that has to be nasty to be an assassin. ToG, to me, is a long book of wants that didn’t deliver.

But said that, nothing was as poorly thought out as the plot. The plot is what confused me most, ground me to a halt, and said, “wait, what?”

Okay, the plot is basically Celaena joining this competition to win her freedom to become the king’s champion. Only issue is... a king’s champion is a real thing. And is something for mainly knights if I recall.

Back in the olden days of yore, when kings needed to fight against one another, or if someone wanted to challenge the king to a duel, they would have a champion to fight in their stead. If you’re a king, you don’t wanna fight your own duels, that’d be nuts! What if you died?! Then what would happen to your kingdom? That’s what a champion was for.

The champion is basically chosen/hired by the king. The thing is, what Celaena is... describing is well. Not a champion. Not really. I mean... I guess it’s kinda champion-like? It’s really vague in the book and it boils down to “you do dirty work for the king” so basically a hitman?

Thing is... the king is a king... why doesn’t he just hire an assassin? One who hasn’t been caught (looking at you, Celaena!). I mean, in the long run, that would be a lot cheaper than hosting a giant competition with a bunch of criminals who aren’t loyal to you, who will turn on you at any moment, and can’t be trusted? I mean, just ‘cause he has them swear to be loyal to him don’t mean jack shit, c’mon.

The entire plot of this novel falls directly apart as soon as you know what a king’s champion is! And honestly, the fix to this would be so easy. You could still have the competition, but instead make it between knights or wannabe knights or something. Have Celaena be a knight instead. She acts like it anyways; being all brash all the time and desiring the center of attention 24/7. Or if you really want her to be an assassin, fix her fugly personality and have her be an assassin pretending to be a knight.

And the king being “”crazy”” isn’t an excuse. Using crazy as an excuse is... one kinda insulting and gross and two, lazy. It means nothing and is a cop out at this point. Also, he did nothing in this book to seem crazy to me, really. He’s an asshole and abuses his kid but... besides that he’s basically nothing. He’s an evil king. He doesn’t even have an actual name. That’s how bland he is. There was no thought put into him at all. And again, this too could have had an easy fix. Rather than saying he’s crazy to excuse his nonsensical actions, all that had to be said was: he and his court want entertainment. That’s it. That would have given the competition the perfect excuse to exist in the first place. Sure, it’s not the most interesting of reasons or anything, but it’s better than the book being completely silent of why there’s a competition in the first place. Why does a king need a competition? Why between criminals who will stab him in the back? It’s never explained and it’s dumb.

God. There are SO many ways where ToG could’ve been better. Just. Better in general. There is so much lost potential here with the plot, which is where half my frustrations come from.

So. The premise falls apart after thinking about it for over .2 seconds. The second part of the actual plot of the novel (well, at least what’s described on the back of the book, not what I actually got) is a mystery. But... this mystery is really cliche. Someone taking out the competition. Wow. Never seen that before.

Also, I did spoil myself the ending to see if my guess of who it was was correct and welp. Winner winner, chicken dinner! It was indeed Cain. As soon as he swaggered on stage, and the narration hated him, and Celaena hated AND was a lil racist towards him, I knew it was him. His detailed magic ring and the fact he kept getting bigger apparently every time we saw him also clued us in. There was less foreshadowing in this book and more “beating you over the head with a Cain.”

Also, none of the other members of the competition really got... anything? Most were unnamed or Celaena dismissed them right away. Why even have these characters in the book if they aren’t even gonna be named? I get it’s a big cast, but still. Hunger Games was able to do the bare minimum of this, I mean at least all the tributes had names. Big casts are hard to write, so why not shrink it down a little? It won’t affect the story, in any case.

So instead of a cool mystery and badass competition, the premise of the competition fell apart, was mainly summarized and not seen from what I read, and in general the tasks were boring. No real fighting, nothing with a lot of tension or excitement. Just boredom. The mystery wasn’t even lukewarm. It was ice cold. I don’t even really know what the pages were filled up with... random bantering that told us nothing more about the characters than we already did. Celaena not knowing what guy to choose. Her wearing pretty dresses. Her reading and playing the piano. Her shittalking about girls with this other chick. Just. the most random stuff. It was fluff. Which is fine. I like fluff! I like pretty dresses and romance and all that!! But not in a book that promised me a MURDER MYSTERY and ACTION.

Maybe the action would’ve picked up if I kept reading. But something tells me... not so much. If excitement doesn’t happen before the rough halfway point of your book, something is wrong. At least, to me it is.

The Writing

A lot of people thought the writing was pretty it seemed. Numerous negative reviews praised the writing. I admit, there were some pretty quotes in there. But most of it was clunky and reminded me of Eragon (not good) or just. Laundry list. I can’t pull up the quote right now, I don’t have the book, but I remember when the library was shown to us, the narration just listed everything inside in a sentence with commas. The same was done in the king’s chamber besides a little extra detail on the fireplace. None of the descriptions of the settings were any good.... and neither were the pretty dresses! It was just “this dress is cut bad” “the fabric is ugly and feels bad” and such. What was the fabric made out of? What cut was the dress? There were so many little things like this that bothered me throughout the writing.

Lots of filler paragraphs that led to nothing were everywhere too. Sentences that danced around world building were common too. Again, don’t have the book, but at one point Chaol and Celaena were discussing books they liked and instead of name dropping some titles, giving us an idea of what sort of books these two like to read, it was just “Chaol listed some titles to Celaena. Celaena nodded approvingly” or something like that. Lazy. Boring. Pointless. Filler.

There was so much filler writing in this. And so much... passive writing. Especially when Celaena was traveling to the castle and beyond. “Celaena felt” was used so often that I nearly started counting how many sentences began with that. Sometimes, yes, telling is alright. But SHOW us how she feels! Don’t tell us she finds the castle breathtaking but daunting or whatever! Show us! What’s her expression look like? Her body language? What is she thinking? The moment she saw the castle was supposed to be powerful and tense but it wasn’t because the writing was passive when it shouldn’t have been. Passive writing isn’t the worst thing ever, but where the writing would’ve benefited from being active, it was passive instead, which also made the book a kinda bland read on a technical level. The writing stayed the same throughout. Sentence length wasn’t played around with much, sentence type didn’t change much. The only stand-out pieces were mainly dialogue.

I like active writing. I like an active writing style. Throne of Glass was passive. And you know what? I get it. I write in third person too. It’s hard.

But writing is hard. Publishing is even harder. This is a published book and I expected better, especially with how popular it is.

And yes, this is a debut novel. I kept telling myself that when I was reading this. But... I’ve read better debuts. I’ve read better fanfictions online. This is a New York Times best seller and a favorite of many. It should’ve been better.

The (little) Things I Liked

Gonna bullet point all this, hope none of you guys mind~

Celaena being feminine and proud of it. Haven’t really read a character like this yet and as someone who is writing several proud feminine characters, it was nice to see

Chaol. Just him in general. Best character and I loved him.

SOME of the banter was pretty fun.

That one scene with Celaena working out in her room was A Good TM

Some of the one-liner descriptions were pretty good and I enjoyed them.

I actually liked some of the traveling bits in the beginning. I thought it would skip straight to the castle but we got to savor a little in the journey there. It was nice (tho it went on too long and got annoying and boring to read)

The (many) Things I Disliked

A longer bullet point list, hope you all are ready! I’ll try and go in a somewhat chronological order

The plot made no fucking sense

Dorian. The only Dorian in my heart is Dorian Pavus and also he was so one-note that I almost cried.

The world building? The little world building that was like. Actually present was so bland... it read like Typical Fantasy. Listen. If I wanted Typical Fantasy I’d go play one of the many re-releases of Skyrim, okay??

Celaena was just unlikeable and her entire character was contradictory. She acted more like a mercenary for hire or a thug than an assassin. Assassins wouldn’t wanna be in the center of attention, people!

Also Celaena acted really dumb in parts and it made me cringe.

Chaol as the captain of the guard made no sense. He’s too young!

In fact, Celaena as the best assassin made no sense. She is also too young. Also, if she got captured and is KNOWN, she is hardly the best. The point of being an assassin is...... being unknown... c’mon.....

The tests. The back of the book made them sound really cool but they were just? Running around a track? Some softcore parkour? The archery contest actually made sense I guess but it would’ve been cooler if they were hitting like. Actual moving targets rather than just. Bulls-eyes.

Also most the tests were just kinda brushed over? At least The Hunger Games was.... well most the book took place DURING the Hunger Games so like.

The king had no fucking name what the shit who doesn’t name their fucking VILLAIN?!

Cain. Like. He was so stereotypical. I looked up to see if he would end up as the villain at the end and I was right, how disappointing. Also, naming your villain Cain is like.... idk... literally is there a single protagonist named Cain? Genuine question

The girl hate. Like, I get that girls are people and not all girls are gonna get along or anything but like. There were throwaway lines that just made me roll my eyes and scrunch up my nose.

THE FUCKING GLASS CASTLE MADE ME SO MAD OH MY GOD WHY WAS IT THERE. And if the castle looks the exact same on the inside in the glass part as the stone part, what’s the point then? How is this nation, which is at war, have a glass castle? That thing is gonna shatter. How did they make it? Why did the king make it? The most we get is the implication is that he’s crazy but that’s.... gross for one and two, lazy. You know what would’ve been cool tho? If the king was just a zealot who worshipped his human gods to the point where he wanted them to always see his victories and be able to see him wherever he went, so he created the glass portions of the castle so he could be seen by his gods the entire time. I thought of that idea in the span of 10 seconds. Sigh.

AND I AM STILL ON THE GLASS CASTLE SHIT listen. If this was a whimsical fantasy and everyone went with it, I wouldn’t have SUCH a huge problem with it, tho it would still be kinda dumb (mattering on context...) but legit. Having your characters point it out doesn’t make them look smart, it makes the author look silly. “It’s a dumb idea, I know it’s a dumb idea, but I am going to write it anyways. For The Aesthetic” listen. We’re past the age of aestheticism. Let’s get our heads outta the 1800s, k?

Honestly there were descriptions but I couldn’t ever get a good image on what was going on, which is weird. All the descriptions were for like. More finer details? But the overall look of the entire world was just blank in my mind. I dunno how else to explain it.

So. Much. Filler. Celaena! Get outta your room and let us explore some! I can sit alone in my room myself irl, I don’t wanna read some chick do the same!

Same with the book shit. Like we could’ve gotten some amazing world building just based on the books Celaena read but whatever that was brushed over too??

Honestly a lot of reading ToG was like reading a textbook where words go through my eyes and their meaning seeps from my ears and I find myself 20 pages in but no idea how I got there and don’t remember a single word of what I read.

The writing style for the fighting. When you write fight scenes or tense scenes, you want your writing to become choppier usually and sharp. It changes the mood and tone of the scene. The author just used the same flowing prose she had for the rest of the book, which was kinda dull.

I wish we had seen the murders. I mean, the book is in third person and does switch POV at times! I wanna read some good blood, guts, n gore!

L O V E T R I A N G L E O F H E L L

I thought Celaena was supposed to be sickly?? But like after a few chapters in the book that’s like, forgotten, besides her throwing up after running? Why only after running? Why doesn’t she worry about this or her health much? Seriously her physiology makes no sense.

Celaena’s mental health is also questionable. She’s completely fine after being tortured for a year and in a death camp and only has bad nightmares every once in a while?? That ain’t how PTSD works. Seriously what was going on in her head? What was the author trying to portray? You don’t do this shit half-assed. Either throw yourself into the research or go the Harry Potter route.

There is one character who is fat and he is ofc, a terrible person (I am talking about Dorian’s younger brother, ofc. Sigh. And yikes)

Celaena sometimes talked and acted like she was younger than what she actually was?? I think being childish was supposed to be part of her personality but it doesn’t mesh with her being an assassin. Unless she was doing it on purpose as an act. But she obv wasn’t so......

Yulemas. Honestly, I put the book down around when it was mentioned. It’s a dumb name and I can imagine what sort of celebration it is.

The timing and pacing of this book is weird. The king needs to learn what an itinerary is. I think it’d help him out.

Why I Put Throne of Glass Down

Mainly for two reasons: one I had just bought some books at the library and wanted to read those instead. I just wanted to read a good book again. The second reason is just as simple: I was incredibly bored.

There was just so much filler for me. Characters talking about random stuff, walking around, trying to figure out a mystery I figured out as soon as the first murder actually happened. It was all so boring to me.

And then... Celaena started suspecting Nehemia. Her only friend in the castle.

I dunno why that did it in for me. I think it’s because I didn’t wanna sit through at the very least 50 pages of one of the poorest red herrings I have ever stumbled across. I can (somewhat) deal with a book that promised me action and gave me bad romance with pretty girls and boys. I’ll complain a lot, give it a bad rating most likely, but I can finish books like those. What I can’t deal with is a clear waste of my fucking time. At that point, I was already 99.99% sure Cain was the bad guy. I was already tired of Celaena in general since she is such an unpleasant character for me to read. I did not wanna sit through a plot point that just insulted my intelligence and made the book all the more longer than it has to be. I have no idea how someone can make a book this bland and boring so long. I honestly cannot understand how I got pretty much 50% of the way in, and feel like I have moved nowhere when it comes to the characters and the plot. I don’t know how I could be pretty much halfway through this book and feel like not a SINGLE action scene has happened. (Yes, I know there have been actions scenes, but I didn’t like them or the way they were written. They weren’t exciting for me.)

All this realization just kinda came crashing down on me with Celaena suspecting Nehemia. And I was quite done with all of it.

Maybe the book would’ve picked up. Maybe the entire premise, story, characters, and writing style could’ve changed in a single page flip. But I seriously doubt that.

I’m tired of wasting my time with books I am not enjoying. If I’m gonna read a bad book, I at the very least want it to be entertaining.

And Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas wasn’t even that.

#bookblr #Throne of Glass #Throne of Glass Book Review #DNF #one star review #My Book Reviews #DNF review #long post #fandom hate #book hate #negative review #what a queue-t

5 notes · View notes

swanqueeneverafter · 7 years ago

Text

32. Witch Hunt, Pt.5

Storybrooke. Present Day. Granny's Diner. (Leroy storms into the diner.) Leroy: “Big news, everybody. Emma found Regina. She was holed up in her office working on a potion.” Archie Hopper: “What kind of potion?” Happy: “Was she gonna hurt us?” Leroy: “A memory potion. Regina said she’s gonna use it to prove that she didn’t cast the curse.” Granny: “Like I’d drink anything she handed me.” Leroy: “Oh, somebody will. And if they remember we’ll know exactly who did this to us.” (Zelena quickly leaves the diner.) Storybrooke General Hospital. (Little John is taken to an emergency trauma room.) Nurse: “He’s bradycardic. BP dropping fast.” Dr. Whale: “What did this to him?” David: “We don’t know.” Nurse: (Realizing as Little John shakes violently:) “He’s going into shock.” Dr. Whale: “We need to sedate him. 15 mg of propofol.” (Dr. Whale tries to give Little John a shot. Little John continues to tremble violently and he begins growing a tail. As Dr. Whale attempts a second time, the tail lashes out hitting him. Lots of people take a blow from the tail.) Robin Hood: “John, John!” Hook: (Ducking:) “Bloody hell!” Robin Hood: “John!” (Little John transforms into a flying monkey.) David: “Okay, I didn’t see that coming. (The flying monkey takes a leap jumping through the window and disappears into the night:) What the hell was that thing?” Dr. Whale: “Don’t look at me. I’m a doctor not a vet.”

Outside The Mayor's Office. (Emma and Regina are on a stakeout, sitting in Emma's car and watching the house.) Regina: (Unimpressed, slightly bored:) “So, do we just sit here and wait?” Emma: (Nods:) “Until the person who cast the curse makes a move on your office.” Regina: “Is this... really what you do for a living?” Emma: “Yeah, it’s called a stakeout.” Regina: “And you don’t get bored?” Emma: “I don’t know. I find ways to pass time. Eat. Talk. Mostly watch, which is what we should be doing.” (Emma sips from her cup and Regina sits quietly for a moment.) Regina: “Does he have friends?” Emma: “Does who have friends?” Regina: “Henry. Does he have any friends in New York?” Emma: “Yeah, he’s got a lot of friends. No girlfriends, yet. At least not one I know about.” Regina: “So, he’s happy? His life is good there?” Emma: “Yeah. I almost didn’t come back because of that.” Regina: “Well, why did you?” Emma: “Because he may not remember all this but I do. And I know what he would say. A hero would come back.” Regina: (Smiles:) “He would say that.” Emma: “Are you sure you don’t want to meet him? We could just tell him you’re an old friend like Mary Margaret and David.” Regina: (Tears up, shakes her head:) “It would be too hard.” Emma: “I can’t imagine- (Emma notices a movement in the window of the house:) We got ‘em.”

The Mayor's Office. (Emma and Regina slowly sneak up to the office door.) Emma: “Are you sure whoever is in there can’t escape?” Regina: “I sealed the room with a blood lock. It can keep you out or it can keep you in. I know what I’m doing.” (Regina uses magic to open the door. The room is in a mess.) Emma: (Armed with a pistol:) “There. Don’t move!” Regina: “There’s nowhere for you to go.” (A hooded figure disappears in a cloud of green smoke.) Emma: “I thought you said they couldn’t do that.” Regina: “No one can break through blood magic. No matter how powerful they are.” Emma: “Then, who are we dealing with?” The Enchanted Forest. Past. One Year Ago. The Palace. (In the courtyard a burning fire fuels the protection spell. Regina magically absorbs the green flame.)

The Enchanted Forest. (Grumpy watches the palace from a distance. A green dome surrounding the castle slowly fades and then disappears entirely.) Grumpy: “It's down!” Prince Charming: (To the group:) “We move on the castle. Now.” The Palace. The Courtyard. (Regina sits down on a bench looking over the landscape.) Regina: “I’m sorry, Henry. Maybe one day you’ll find me and wake me up. But until then-” (She is about to prick her finger as the Wicked Witch approaches her from behind.) The Wicked Witch: “You weren’t even going to say hello first? It’s not exactly the welcome I was expecting. (Regina turns around:) What does a witch have to do to get your attention? (Using magic, she takes the needle from Regina’s hand:) What’s the matter? Has life got you down?” Regina: (Standing up:) “None of your business.” The Wicked Witch: “You really don’t know who I am, do you?” Regina: “I know exactly who you are. The Wicked Witch.” The Wicked Witch: “Is that all?” Regina: “I’m not that interested.” (The Wicked Witch magically disposes of the hairpin.) The Wicked Witch: “Please, allow me to introduce myself. You can call me Zelena.” Regina: “That’s my dress.” The Wicked Witch: “I had to take it in a little bit at the hips but it looks better on me, don’t you think?” Regina: “I think, you should never have left Oz.” The Wicked Witch: “You can have your castle back if you want it that badly. I was just trying it on for size. Besides, I’ve already seen everything worth seeing. Your closet. Your gardens. Your crypt.” Regina: “Yes, how did you break the blood lock?” The Wicked Witch: “I didn’t.” Regina: “The door was open. No one’s that powerful.” The Wicked Witch: “Cora really never told you.” Regina: “Told me what?” The Wicked Witch: “The truth about us, Regina.” Regina: (Chuckles:) “What are you talking about? And, how do you know my mother?” The Wicked Witch: “Same way you do. (Leaning closer:) I’m your sister. Actually, half-sister. But, details, details.” Regina: “That’s not possible. You’re green.” The Wicked Witch: “And you’re rude. Cora had me first. Before she wormed her way into the dregs of royalty. Well, you know I’m telling the truth. How else could I have broken the door to the crypt? Our mother gave me up and sent me away. But you, you she kept. You she gave everything.” Regina: “Everything she wanted. If what you’re saying is true, then you were lucky to escape her.” The Wicked Witch: “Enough of the martyr complex, Regina. Try growing up without a mother. Try living in Oz knowing that no one thought you were good enough. Not your mother. And not the only man that our paths both crossed. Rumplestiltskin.” Regina: “You knew Rumplestiltskin?” The Wicked Witch: “Did you think you were his only student?” Regina: “Let me guess: You’re mad because he chose me to cast his curse. Well, get over it. It wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be.” The Wicked Witch: “Anything would have been better than the life I had. But, despite my shortcomings I made something of myself, dear. And I didn’t need Cora. Or Rumplestiltskin.”

Regina: “Well, it’s too bad they’re not around to see how well you’ve turned out. They’re both dead.” The Wicked Witch: “That’s alright. You’re the only one I need alive.” Regina: “Really? Why is that?” The Wicked Witch: “Because I’m going to take everything away from you.” Regina: “Too late. I’ve already lost everything that matters.” The Wicked Witch: “No, Regina. You haven’t lost anything yet.” Regina: “So, you are going to kill me?” The Wicked Witch: “No, it’s too easy. For me to get what I want I need you to suffer. You see, what’s in store for me is all my dreams being realized. But for you- Well, it’s a fate worse than death.” Regina: “Go ahead. Bring it, Greeny.” The Wicked Witch: “Indeed, I will. See you soon, sis.” (She summons her broomstick and leaves.) The Palace. Regina’s Chamber. (Regina returns to her chamber. She frees Robin Hood from her spell.) Robin Hood: “You didn’t go through with it.” Regina: (In a cheerful tone:) “You were right. The sleeping curse wasn’t the answer. As you said, I just needed to find something to live for.” Robin Hood: “And you found it? (Smiles:) What?” Regina: “The one thing I haven’t had in a very long time. Someone to destroy.” Storybrooke. Present Day. Blanchard Apartment. (Emma and Regina are about to enter.) Regina: “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.” Emma: “It’s gonna be fine. Trust me. (Emma opens the door and they enter. clearing throat:) Hey, how was your day?” Henry: “Good. Storybrooke is a weird place. But cool. Did you know there’s a library inside a clock tower.”

Emma: “I do. I’ve been there before. Come on, I want you to meet someone. This is Regina Mills. She’s the mayor of this town and she wanted to meet you.” Henry: “Is something wrong?” Regina: “No, no. No, nothing’s wrong. Your mother just told me a lot about you. I heard you like school and that you’re good at English.” Henry: “Yeah. Why did she tell you all this?” Regina: “Because she couldn't be prouder of you. While you’re in town I was thinking, maybe I can give you a tour sometime. You know, show you around. Maybe we can stop in for ice cream.” Henry: “Yeah, I’d like that. (Regina smiles:) So, it was nice meeting you.” (Regina takes a step towards Henry intending to embrace him. He offers her a hand. After a moment she shakes it. Henry turns and leaves to play his game.) Emma: “How was that? You okay?” Regina: (Nods:) “It was a start.” (David and Hook enter the apartment.) David: “We need to talk.” Emma: (Looking around, she notices Henry sitting on a sofa:) “Outside.” (The group leaves the room.)

Outside The Apartment. Mary Margaret: (Whispering:) “They’re being turned into flying monkeys?!” Hook: “Yes, he took a simian form with the added bonus of wings.” Mary Margaret: “Did you think this is what happened to the missing dwarves, too?” David: “It would explain why we haven’t found any trace of them.” Emma: “And Neal?” David: “No sign of him, either. So, yeah, it’s possible.” Emma: “Wouldn't be the first flying monkey I've dated.” Regina: “The person who escaped our trap disappeared in cloud of green smoke. And now there are flying monkeys in this town? I think we know exactly who cursed us.” Emma: “The Wicked Witch of the West? (Regina nods:) Seriously? She’s real, too?“ Hook: “Says the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming.” Emma: “I don’t get it. It’s not like we’re in Kansas. Why would the Wicked Witch of the West wanna come to Storybrooke?” Storybrooke. Present Day. Zelena's Farmhouse. (Carrying a tray of food, Zelena walks to a storm cellar in the grounds. She uses magic to open the door and is then seen walking down a wooden staircase. She places the tray in front of a cage.) Zelena: “Hungry?” (A hand grabs her arm before she’s able to turn away.) Mr. Gold: “You never should have brought me back.” Zelena: (Smiles, kicking the tray so that he can reach it:) “Eat up. We’ve got work to do.” (Zelena exits.) Mr. Gold: (Picking up a bowl of rice:) “You feed the madness and it feeds on you. (Turning the bowl in his hands:) You feed the madness and it feeds on you. You feed the madness and it feeds on you.” (Mr. Gold giggles. Using his fingers, he finally starts to eat.)

The End.

#sq #swanqueen #Swan Queen

6 notes · View notes

emjee · 7 years ago

Text

Natasha, Pierre, and My Soul Ascended To A Higher Level Of Existence Which Is Basically What The Whole Show Is About

I saw Great Comet last night (16 August) you guys and let me tell you, ALL MY DREAMS CAME TRUE.

There’s truly nothing that can replace the experience of having your butt in a seat and I am so, so grateful that I was able to go. I truly count it as a blessing.

SO! My best friend and I made a trip of it (we don’t live near NYC) and because we could only see the show once I did my research and sprang for second row of the front mezzanine, center. We could not have chosen better seats. I was on the center aisle right next to all those ensemble members and could probably have reached out and touched Scott Stangland and Paul Pinto at various points in the show.

Shoba was on for Natasha and I was so excited to see her because even though I LOVE Denée I do have access to her performance through boots and though it’s not the same as in person I had heard such great things about Shoba that I really wanted to see her and I did and she was perfect. There is so much of book!Natasha in her, my dear, dear girl and soul sister. I adored her.

Scott was on as Pierre and he was everything I could have wished for. His voice sounds rougher in recordings I’ve heard but was delightfully smooth last night in places where smoothness was called for but also got rough when it was necessary and he’s got a such a dark tone to his voice that was great and a wonderful contrast with all the lightness of Shoba’s.

Lucas Steele. Amber Gray. Grace McLean. Brittain Ashford. THEY WERE ALL RIGHT THERE. IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. QUEENS AND KINGS, ALL OF THEM. DEMIGODS AND GODDESSES.

Let’s play a little game called “How Many Times Did MG Cry?”

I walked into the theatre and saw the set.

It started with the blue light and “The moooooooon” in “No One Else” and continued through the whole song because I know exactly what that feels like, Natasha darling. And apparently so did the audience member Shoba made eye contact with because her eyes were so wide and she nodded.

“Dust and Ashes”. I mean. Fuck. Me. Up. That is perhaps my favorite musical theatre solo of all time and it’s just a brilliant song and Scott did it brilliantly. His delivery of “Did I squander my divinity?” had me WRECKED.

Literally everything from “In My House” to “The Great Comet of 1812” with special intensity in “Pierre & Natasha”. Scott’s three “stop”s were so gentle. Instead of it being harsher, like “stop, I can’t bear to hear you speak of yourself like this, you have to stop”, it was so tender, like “Natasha, darling, please, shhh, stop”. And when Shoba reached out to touch his face, he leaned back like he was startled, couldn’t believe it was happening, these things don’t happen to him, he almost couldn’t bear for her to touch him because he loves her so damn much.

Other things I noticed and loved:

Scott’s “raise the roof” motion on “I am enjoying myself at home this evening” was the best thing I’ve ever seen.

In “The Opera” when Natasha sings “Yes, Pierre that good man, a little sad, a little stout,” Marya shakes her head slightly and widens her eyes like “Natasha you can’t say things like that.”

I enjoy going to the opera in general but I can also tell you that the opera performance is 100% what zoning out at the opera is like. Suddenly nothing makes sense and everyone’s making weird noises. It was fantastic.

Our seats for Lucas’s first entrance were PERFECT. STRIKE A POSE, ya Russian playboy.

When Anatole tells Pierre he saw Natasha and Pierre says “Oh, dear Andrei’s betrothed” Anatole looks at the audience and does a hand gesture that translates to “eeeeeeeeh let’s see how long that lasts”.

Pierre’s little dance during the “gonna drink tonight” section is so adorable and so sad because he’s so excited but there’s no way this is gonna go well sweetie.

They were not fucking around with the announcement about the strobes. They were hard even for me and I’ve seen shows with strobes before, but I managed to keep my eyes open and it was fucking worth it. Anatole during the “Drink with me my love” section was A GIFT.

Also Grace McLean in that suit. She rolls up to Pierre and mouths “I love you” before stalking off with her whip.

During the preparations for the duel the ensemble member lounging on the stair next to me turns to the ensemble member seated up the staircase behind her and slurs “This seems familiar. It feels like we’ve done this before today already.” #twoshowday

When Anatole tells Pierre “Shake it off, and be happy, we live to love another day” he gives him a wink and does the finger guns thing and it’s like God Anatole YOU HAVE NO TACT.

The way Shoba delivers “I’ll shut myself in my room and try on new dresses” is like, yahs, girl, I know exactly what you mean and that is also how I cope.

Obligatory casual reminder that I would do anything for Natasha Rostova.

In “Charming” when Hélène sings “he was thinkin’ bout you, he kept sighin’ bout you” Natasha turns away from her and mouths “yes” and it was exactly like when your best friend tells you that they overheard your crush telling his friends you were cute and he wanted to ask you out my gosh it was so real

Honestly in general Shoba just gives off this sense of Natasha a young woman who’s trying to figure out what this love thing means because she definitely cares for Andrei but he’s gone and you get the sense that she’s young and she loves who’s in front of her (and that is so real for me) so she’s got a crush but then it’s like the first time someone has paid attention to her in an implicitly sexual fashion and it kind of makes her head explode. It’s a perfect (to me) interpretation.

Anatole’s “I am in love, dear, I am in love” gave me the sense that Anatole was saying that because he knew that’s what was going to get Natasha to take him seriously enough for him to get what he wanted. (I also think Anatole thought he loved Natasha. I don’t think he did, because he’s not looking out for her best interests and that’s a key part of love, but he thinks he does because he’s a shit with no emotional intelligence.) But in this case he’s wheedling, like, “look at me sweetheart look at me look at me I love you please look at me I love you.”

Anatole’s face when Natasha sang “I will love you Anatole” seemed less “oh shit what did I get myself into” and more “oooooookay yep I can roll with this very nice good job Kuragin.”

I got a letter! I caught Pearl Rhein’s eye as she was walking up the aisle and smiled at her and she smiled back and presented a letter with a flourish and Blaine was behind her and gave his letter to my best friend. (Blaine’s note said “If I flip a coin what are the chances that I’ll get head?” and Pearl’s note said “Your face glows as brightly as the comet itself” and this is the story of how I died I will treasure that note forever.)

Anatole rolls into “Preparations” with luggage! Like, he just strides in with a duffel bag, and the way he delivers “You’ll not be seeing me…for some time” and the look he gives the audience just screams “BECAUSE I’M GONNA GET LAID, BITCHES”. Also, both Lucas Steele and Nick Choksi swagger like they’re weightless and I adore it. I’m easily charmed by well-executed swagger. See above comments about how I get it, Natasha honey.

I am normally anti-singing at the theatre because other people did not come to hear me sing BUT the cast is so loud on the “Goodbye my gypsy lovers” chorus that I figured it wouldn’t bother other people and I know the cast likes to see when people know the show so I sang along and caught the eye of the accordion player walking up the aisle and sang right to him and he gave me an “awwwww yeah” face and it was the greatest moment.

After Pierre’s “WHOOOOOOOOOOA” the entire theatre erupted in applause while the cast collapsed on the floor and caught their breath. Scott was bent over gasping for breath, and when the applause died a bit and he looked up to start singing again he caught Lucas’s eye and just started giggling and it was the greatest, and then he sucked in another deep breath and dove straight into “Here’s to HAPPINESSFREEDOMANDLIFE.

When Lucas did “Shut the door! First we have to sit down!” he scooted into the end of a booth next to a young woman who looked at him, looked out at the rest of the audience, and fanned herself, like “oh my god he’s so hot”. Everyone laughed and the way Lucas said “Yes” sounded like he meant “Yes, that is true.” And then they ‘sup nodded at each other and Lucas reached his arm around her shoulders and relaxed into it and said “That’s the way,” and gave it another beat before “It’s a Russian custom.” And then held the silence for a solid thirty seconds before “alright.”

In “A Call to Pierre” during the ascending scale on the strings the lightbulbs light up a path from Marya D to where Pierre is sleeping at his desk. THIS LIGHTING DESIGN UGH I LOVE IT.

As mentioned above, “Pierre & Natasha” ended me.

I went to the stage door and got to meet Josh Canfield and Shoba and Scott and Grace and Brittain (sweet Brittain! I nodded to my best friend who was next to me and said I would stand in the dark for her any day and Brittain said “Everyone needs someone like that” god she’s so cute) and I got to thank Pearl for my letter in person and she thanked me for my glowing face and Nick Choksi came out and Nicholas Belton and other awesome badass ensemble members and everyone at the stage door was so respectful and it was wonderful. It was a bit of a bummer not to see Lucas or Amber (although I know Amber almost never stage doors because she has a tiny human to get back to at home) but I’m going to write so many letters tomorrow because it’s so important for me that this cast and team and family knows that they are loved and that people (me) traveled across a third of the country to come see them.

This show is SUCH an inspiration, not only to other theatre performers and designers of my acquaintance, but to people like me whose primary artistic expression is not theatre, however much I love it. I’m a writer and this show has reminded me that I get to do what I want and that beautiful, beautiful things often come from a melding of tradition and complete out-of-the-box fantastical thinking. It was an honor to be a part of that world last night.

#MG says stuff #NP1812 #Great Comet #Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

181 notes · View notes

awritesfanfics · 8 years ago

Text

Return of the Hounds Pt. 1

I’ve literally been so busy I started this right after I watch TFP and I haven’t been able to finish it until like now. So here it is, I just had to get it off my chest. Part 1 of 2!

Pairing: Sherlock x Reader

Word Count: 2,632

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Boring!”

“You haven't even let me finish!” “It's twins. Solved it last night while you were at the pub.” “But it's never twins, you said it yourself it's never twins!” “Well this time it is.” He ripped the knives out of the wallpaper and returned to start over. “Well that's it then.” You said, defeated. “What?” He whipped around, unconsciously aiming a dagger at you. You threw your hands up in front of your face and grimaced. You wanted to believe he wouldn't throw it at you, but with Sherlock you could never be sure. He looked confused at your reaction until he followed your line of sight. “Sorry,” he said, lowering the weapon. “What do you mean that's it then? You're trying to tell me you can't find a case? In all of London there's nothing for me?” “I'm not your secretary,” you said narrowing your eyes. “But no, nothing left that you want. We've been here for three days, Sherlock. I've read through everything.” “Three days? No, no it can't- oh, that's why John brought the paper in.” “Paper comes on Tuesday though? We've been at it since Wednesday.” “He only brings it in if it's been out there for more than 56 hours. He doesn't even realize but OCD is a very efficient time keeper.” You shook off his deduction. Not important. “So you want me to look outside of London then?” “What? Yes, yes anywhere, look in the bloody- “ “States? Oh, wow, there's plenty to keep you busy here.” The US crime news page seemed to go on forever. Hate crimes seemed to saturate the list, but those were obvious. Sherlock needed a challenge if you wanted to keep him out of your hair for a while.

“Here's one. Has to deal with the president.” He threw a knife at the wall and groaned. “No no, he's an idiot. Next!” Crack. A second knife splintered the wall. “Doctors puzzled at rare amnesia cases?” You searched the article. “Here it is again. 4 dead in connection with unknown amnesia virus.” “Patients manic in their last moments, extensive internal bleeding.” “Amnesia virus contained to one-“ you laughed and shook your head. “What?” He asked, skimming the article from over your shoulder. “Did the press ever get hold of what happened at Baskerville?” You turned to look at him. “No, Mycroft kept it quiet, no one knew.” “So no one found out that it was finished? That anyone found out what was happening?” He cocked his head and furrowed his brow. “Amnesia virus contained to one Indiana hospital. Liberty hospital on lockdown after outbreak of unknown disease take 5 lives, infects 9 more.” Sherlock smiled. “Perfect!” He stabbed the third knife into the arm of your chair, slicing the woven sleeve of your sweater. “We need to get you a damn case, I don't have many sweaters left and I'm not risking losing an arm.” “What exactly has he been doing?” John leaned in and asked quietly, to not disturb the working genius. “I like to think he's been packing, but it doesn't take 13,000 steps in a 50 foot flat to pack for a trip to America. You ready then?” He nodded, glancing over at the luggage by the door.

“I'll grab mine.” “Yea, cab should be ready soon.” He glanced down at his watch. “We're going to be late, Sherlock, what the hell are you doing in there?” He walked out with a small day bag and his face buried in his cell phone, nearly walking right into John. “What have you been doing in there?” Mrs. Hudson said frowning. “Sounded like you were running a marathon. Gonna wear a hole in my rug if you don't get a change of scenery.” A smile snuck onto her lips as Sherlock gave her a tight squeeze goodbye. She gave you a hug as you collected your luggage. “Keep him safe, will you dear?” “I'll try my best,” You giggled as you walked out of the flat. You loaded your luggage into the cab and squeezed in beside Sherlock. “Heathrow, please.” Once you boarded your flight, you settled in. You decided confidently that'd you'd try to take a nap, after sitting through not one, but three of the documentaries provided by the airline. There were seven hours left on the flight; maybe there'd be something better on later. You put in your headphones and, thankfully, started dozing off right away. Your head bobbed gently against the back of your chair, your breathing slowed, and your music drowned out the roaring of the engines. Light turbulence nudged you awake. You brought your watch close to your tired eyes to read the time. 3 hours left. “I slept for 4 hours? On a plane? Well I was surprisingly comfortable…” Your cheeks turned red. You must've rested your head on Sherlock’s shoulder without knowing. You wanted to move softly, so he didn't notice anything, but when you tried, you felt pressure holding you down. His breathing was soft. He must've fallen asleep on you, too. The cabin was dark, the music played softly in your ears. You were the most comfortable you've been in years, and you fell back to sleep. Sherlock stirred gently as the plane began its descent. You followed suit, clearing your throat and turning your head to the open window to your right. Your eyes squinted as you greeted the bright blue sky and the growing buildings below. “So how exactly are we going to get into this hospital to get the information we need?” John asked, munching on an order of French fries. “I mean, it's on lockdown, we can’t exactly just walk in.” “Well, the story did say the only people who seemed to get infected were those prone to seizures, didn't it? They thought it had something to do with the medicine.” Sherlock nodded, cocking his head. “Don't panic.” You whispered to the two. Suddenly, you froze. Your eyes seemed to gloss over as you locked your muscles and threw yourself from your chair. You seized on the floor, voluntary spasms shaking your entire body. Sherlock and John followed along beautifully. “Oh my god, oh my God!” John yelled as Sherlock called an ambulance. “Is anyone here a doctor, my God what the hell is happening to her?!” He exclaimed, drawing the attention of at least two dozen onlookers. A woman rushed to your side. “I'm a doctor. Everyone stand back. She needs space and air. She's having a seizure. No one touch her. Do you know her?” “Yes, yes she's my best friend. She's never done this before!” The woman held him back. “She’s fine, she'll be fine, you friend is calling an ambulance. We just have to wait until then.” The EMTs arrived quicker than anticipated. By then, you were fine, but John insisted on them taking you in anyway, since the fit was “totally out of the blue, unpredicted, and terrifying if it were to happen again.” They agreed, and loaded you into the ambulance. “Where are we going? Which hospital?” You asked “weakly”. “Miami Valley, mam.” “Why not Liberty Regional?” “Well, that’s about 45 minutes away.” “Huh. Good to know.” You sat up in the gurney and gave a swift kick, sending the EMT flying back. “Sherlock, the driver!” You ordered. “Get some scrubs on, Doctor Watson. We have a long ride ahead of us.” Sherlock sent the driver tumbling out of the cabin and took his place. You pulled up a map to Liberty Regional for him and sped off.

“Well that didn't go exactly as I planned. When was the last time you didn't pull the doctor card?” He shrugged. “All worked out though.”

Sherlock whipped through the ambulance dock, opening the back doors to help lower you out. “You can't be here, the whole place is on lockdown.” A nurse tried to shoo you away. “Your higher up seemed to tell us different.” John said sternly. “I called it in already. Said to take a look at her.” The woman was convinced. “She's had a seizure. She’s alright, just had a bit of a fright. First one, you know how that goes.” “If she's scared about that, she'll be petrified once she gets the bill.” The nurse laughed as she brought you in, taking you through the almost completely deserted halls. “Where is everyone?” You asked. Well, not to worry you, but there's been an outbreak of something, so we haven't been accepting new patients. In the process of evacuating them actually. It's contained to a few rooms, though. You'll be fine.” She wheeled you into a dim room and helped you onto the bed. “A doctor will be right in to talk to you. You shouldn't be here for too long.” As promised, a doctor and nurse, both masked walked in with a drip feed and clipboard, shutting the door behind him. The bag was labeled ‘SALINE 1.2 mg dos’. “Hello.” He said quietly from behind the mask. “I apologize, for this. I’d much rather be face to face-“ he said, moving uncomfortably close you “-but as you must’ve heard, there’s been a sort of outbreak here. We’re working very hard to keep everyone safe and prevent his from spreading.” Your blood ran cold. It was Culverton Smith. You hid your accent as best as you could to prevent any possibility of him catching on to your plan.

“Not doing too well of a job though are you? I heard it spread to what, 9 people now?”

He became noticeably agitated. He didn’t expect your response. That just meant he had to work quicker. He laughed it off. “That’s not exactly my area.”

“Well who’s is it? No one knows what caused it, so who’s in charge of it? Neurology? Virology? The janitors?” You cursed yourself in your mind. You’re slipping. You just couldn’t help it. You laughed to help lighten the tension, and he followed suit.

“So what I hear is, you've had a seizure?” He was anxious to change the subject. You nodded. “It was my first one, ever. No one in my family has them either.”

He motioned for a nurse to hook you up to the IV. You started to panic.

“Is this really necessary? I thought I’d just be coming in for a consultation, a checkup.”

“Oh no, sorry. You’ll need to stay overnight, maybe for about a week. We need to conduct some follow-up tests, you know, make sure you’re not infected.”

Your heart raced.

“You read the news, didn’t you? “Strange amnesia virus infects seizure patients.” This hospital isn’t accepting new patients. So how exactly did you get in here? Well by faking a seizure of course! You wanted to find out the cause, so you could help find a cure, didn’t you? Well, relax. I’ll tell you my little secret.” He dropped the mask and the fake accent. “Oh, I am sorry though, this saline that’s flooding your system right now, isn’t saline. It’s a memory inhibitor. Blocks new ones, kind of dissolves old ones too I’m afraid. Take notes, you won’t be able to remember any of this in the morning, if you even live that long.” He laughed again, standing up. “Well, this is lovely, but I’ve got another patient to tend to. And try not to scratch at the IV, leaves a nasty scar.” He returned the mask to his face, and he and the nurse disappeared out the door.

You looked around the room, your memory fading. Anxiety rose up within you, but you couldn’t remember why. You glanced down at your arm, the small needle stuck in your vein.

The IV. The IV. The IV. Those words reverberated in your mind, but you just couldn’t remember why.

Suddenly, Sherlock and John busted through the door, shutting it quietly and locking it behind them.

They were frantic, flying over to your side and bombarding you with questions about why you had an IV in, what the doctor said, and what was going on.

“Wait,” you quieted them, bringing your hands to your temples.

Sherlock and John shared a panicked glance before you decided.

“He said it was something to do with... Agh! I can't remember, it was something with seizure patients, but we knew that already! uh…”

“I can't remember!” You cried. Your eyes frantically searched the familiar faces for a shred of a memory, something to remind you what was Culverton’s plan. Sherlock grabbed you by the shoulders and met your eyes, following them around the room.

“Can you remember anything?” He pressed, his face twisting in fear of the unthinkable.

You shook your head, then suddenly stopped. your eyes seemed to gloss over for a second, fixated on a distant point in the hallway. You came to, and pulled away from his grip, wiping your eyes and studying the men in front of you. “What are you talking about? Remember anything about what?” You replied, dryly.

The color drained from Sherlock’s face. He swallowed hard. His worst fear had come true. First it was Mary. Now you. He promised he'd keep you safe on any case the two of you went on. And now you were hours before dying, and there was nothing he could do about it without giving in to the one man Sherlock feared.

John stepped in, pushing Sherlock aside. “Yes, Ms. (Y/N), is it? Doctor Watson.” He shook your hand. “You have been sent here because of an accident you had.” He picked up a blank clipboard that rested at the bottom of your bed. “You fell off a ladder and hit your head? That could be the reason why you don't remember, blunt force trauma could lead to unconsciousness, memory loss. It's all very common and nothing to be worried about.” A look of relief crossed your face. “Let's just get a quick look at that. Would you mind leaning forward for me?” You obeyed, sitting up and leaning over. He brushed the hair off your shoulder and stabbed a syringe into your arm.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?! Who are you?! I'm going to call… security, and you'll… you'll be…. arrested… and lose…” Your shoulders fell limp and your head bobbed forward as you lost consciousness. Sherlock rushed to you, but John held him back.

“She'll be fine. Just a tranquilizer. It'll slow her heart rate, keep her in one spot for a while. But we have to work quickly.”

Sherlock nodded, backing away. A call rang in on the landline on the bedside table. With a deep breath, John answered.

“Hello?” He said, clearing his throat. He handed it over. An unsteady hand took it, greeted by a wicked laugh on the other end.

“What the hell is this?” Sherlock yelled through gritted teeth.

“Just a little game of mine. I heard you like games, Mr. Holmes.” His mind was clouded, but still useful. The accent was American, but fake. Crooked teeth interrupted the flow of speech. An echo, a beeping, a heart rate monitor.

Two heart rate monitors.

Three.

Seven.

The ICU.

A second voice piped up inaudibly in the background

“Oh, I'm afraid I have to go, Mr. Holmes. Someone needs my care.”

The distinct loading of a gun. A terrified plea. A single shot. A dull thump. John turned in the direction of the noise down the hall.

“Come get me, Mr. Holmes, before I win the game.” The laugh resumed before cancelling the call. Sherlock tore the phone from the table in audible frustration, shattering it against the far wall.

He turned and saw John, focused like a bloodhound on a scent, waiting for a command. “This way.” He urged.

The pair raced towards the sound, slamming the door behind them.

Part 2

#sherlock #sherlock x reader #sherlock fanfic #sherlock fanfiction

57 notes · View notes

vandalsandvagrants · 7 years ago

Text

"He won't even look at me anymore," Suzy sobbed into the phone.

"Oh, stop it. You just delivered and you're hormonal. He's probably afraid you'll bite his head off."

"Gee, thanks."

"Oh, hell. Look, I'm at work. Freddy hasn't exactly been the man of steel of late, and I know where you're coming from. When I delivered Fred Jr., I put my teenage daughter to shame. And you know what a cock hound Rachel is."

"I'm dying, Brenda. I'm in such need of a good....fucking."

"Christ, Suze, what do you want me to do? Lez out on you or something?"

"No, I just wanted some sympathy, damn it!"

"Look, we got ten admissions going on, Doc Ritigliano is cursing me in Italian, the nurse just ran out in tears. The trash hasn't been emptied in a week. I can't spare you any sympathy right now. It's not that I don't care, but I'm not in a position where I can play girlfriend right now."

"All right."

"Oh, fuck, don't even give me that wounded puppy voice. I know Freddy and Steve are off to Lake Pickwick for a weekend fishing trip. I get off at ten, if I'm lucky. What say I grab a bag and I'll spend the weekend with you and the baby?"

"Mom has little Jimmy."

"Even better, I'll bring a fifth with me."

"I can't drink."

"Of course you can. You aren't pregnant any more."

"But I'm still breast feeding."

"So what? You got a pump. It'll all be out of your system before the rugrat is back."

"Brenda!"

"Oh, fuck. Look, I gotta go. See you around eleven."

Brenda Miles hung up and let out a big sigh. Being the admissions nurse at Baptist was bad enough, but on a Friday night, with a gang war going on and the janitorial staff on strike, it was sheer hell. She just didn't have time to stroke Suzy's ego tonight. Not that she felt bad about blowing her off, Suzy could be a real pain in the ass when she was in JAP mode. Which was all too often since she got pregnant.

Actually, Suzy was a high maintenance pain in the ass most of the time. She could also be the most kind, considerate and generous of friends. The problem was, she was strung tighter than a wasp waist corset. Brenda kept up the hope that she would eventually let her hair down and learn to enjoy life. It was a fading hope, as Suzy had become insufferable after the kid was born, obsessing over her weight, the kid, the house and Steve's seeming disinterest. Brenda hated to admit it, but she had been avoiding her friend. Suzy was just more emotionally draining than Brenda could handle at the moment.

She knew from Freddy that Steve was having his own problems with his wife. Brenda had coaxed Freddy into taking Steve out and giving him a talking to. The boy was getting desperate, and she couldn't deal with Suzy going through a divorce. But if the girl didn't lighten up, she was gonna drive Steve to it.

Brenda laughed out loud, causing several people to stare.

Good old Freddy. King of the horn dogs. His solution had been they try wife swapping. She wasn't that into Steve, but she had to admit, if anything would loosen Suze up, Freddy's cock would do it. Not only was he fantastically hung, but he knew how to use it, and imagining little Suzy with Freddy's black dick slamming her pussy was about the funniest thing she had thought of in a long time.

Actually, it wasn't just funny, it was kind of hot. Suze was a dish, even if she didn't know it. Back in their early swinging days, Brenda had been pretty naïve. Once she got started though, she had gone a little cunt crazy. She told herself it was just a passing thing, she hadn't been with another woman in a couple of years. The couples they regularly partnered with were pretty much straight. And none of the wives really did much for her anyway, but Suze? She had to admit, she could get into that.

Of course, it was all the more funny because Suze would never go for it. Steve would, Brenda had seen him surreptitiously checking out her tits and ass when they had pool parties. But Suze? Not with all the rum in Jamaica in her.

Brenda paused in the middle of her admission paper work and frowned. No, you couldn't get Suze liquored up enough. But what about drugged up? She pushed the thought from her mind and went back to her paper work, but it kept coming back. On her break, Brenda slipped into the pharmacy and perused the shelves.

Most of the tranquilizers were just too strong. And she wasn't real knowledgeable about the psychoactives. Several painkillers might work, but they might also make her sick. Brenda had only entered on a lark and was about to leave, chalking the whole crazy thought up to the bad idea column, when she saw the bottle of Cainockflorin. It was a new drug, and only Doc Ritigliano used it. He was still heavily loyal to the old country and the fact that an Italian firm had developed it made it good enough in his estimation.

He only gave it to the real whackos, but it really seemed to work on them. She had seen him calm a Schizoid-affective down from homicidal rage to sleepy and fuzzy with a single shot of the stuff. Curious, she grabbed the work up on it and took it back to the break room.

She read through all the cautions first and was surprised to find there were very few. She noted pregnant or nursing women wasn't among the proscribed patients list. The side effects were interesting as well.

Common side effects include: Drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, impaired judgment, impaired vision, confusion/disorientation, short term memory loss and impaired concentration.

Rare Side effects: Enhanced Tactile sensation (particularly in the extremities), Muscle soreness, breathing difficulty, Somnambulism, Hallucinations, Incontinence

In clinical trials one patient in 100,000 experienced an allergic reaction, which resulted in coma. Of these reactions .001 percent resulted in death. This side effect must be treated immediately with epinephrine delivered intravenously as well as antihistamines and oxygen.

Cainockflorin should not be administered to patients with Asthma or other breathing difficulty, taking Corticoid-steroids or opiate painkillers as either could result in breathing arrest.

Pretty powerful stuff. Brenda immediately discounted the coma and death warning. She had come to realize that was more legalese then medicalese. All the big pharmaceutical outfits were covering their asses now with such disclaimers. Even her birth control pills had such a warning, but when she asked, Dr. Palmer told her no one had ever died from them that he knew of. Suzy didn't have any breathing problems she was aware of, but it wasn't like Brenda knew her full medical history.

Brenda decided it was just a nutty idea and on her way back to the nurse's station, she stopped into the Pharmacy to return the paperwork to its cubby. She had intended to just leave, but she found herself alone and eyeing the two bottles of Cainockflorin. It only came in two oral doses, a .25 mg maintenance dose and a .5 mg intervention dosage. Anything more had to be given intravenously under a physician's supervision. The Doc eschewed the .5 mg dose, preferring to give the .25 incrementally until his patients calmed. Thus the .25 bottle was three quarters empty, but the .5 mg bottle was almost full.

Brenda found herself doing some quick arithmetic. Five hundred tablets, of which, maybe twenty were gone. That was over the roughly six months it had been available. Last inventory had been in April, so...roughly five more months till the admins got their panties in a wad or the state came in, necessitating a new inventory. Her hand was on the bottle and she was spilling two tabs out before she even really realized it. Stashing them in her coat pocket, she returned to the admissions desk and spent the rest of her shift debating the consequences of her crazy plan. ***

"Hey babe, miss you," Freddy's voice came over the line.

Brenda had just gotten in and was still half dressed when the phone rang. "Yeah, like I'm buying that. A weekend of fishing, lying and getting drunk is your idea of paradise," she replied, but there was no venom in her voice.

"Damn, woman, I can't even try to be nice to you, can I?" he chuckled.

"Sure you can, if Viagra is on sale."

"Ouch. Low blow there."

"You know I'm full of shit, babe."

"Yeah, but the dick jokes gotta stop. A man has his pride."

"So how's it going?" Brenda asked, as she tossed her eighteen-hour bra into the hamper.

"I....Look, I know she's your friend and all, but Stevie's mine. She's killing him, babe. She can't even loosen up a little bit. Even when he can get it, the sex is missionary only and she acts like it's a chore. It's just destroying his self-esteem. He loves her, but he's at the end of his rope."

"Damn."

"I even approached him about some swappin', but while he was hot as hell to get into your pants, he said there was no way she'd try it. I don't think this marriage is going to make it, babe. I'm sorry for that, she's a sweet girl sometimes, but I can't try to convince him to stay. Not after all he told me on the trip up."

Freddy..." she said, her tone turning icy.

"Awww, shit, don't do that, babe. I'm not gonna egg him on to leave her, but I just can't lean on him to stay. I know I'd be outta there in a heartbeat."

"If she loosened up some, do you think they would make it?" she said after a deep sigh.

"Sure. He's still in love with her, and he's about the proudest papa I ever did see. If she dropped the Princess crap and was even close to normal, he'd gut it out."

"All right, you tell Steve to hang in."

"I've heard that voice before. You about to read her the riot act?"

"No. I'm going to cut some corset strings and see what busts loose."

"Uh oh."

"What?"

"Nothing. I love you to death, babe, but I've heard that tone before. I know I wouldn't want any part of it. I'll keep Steve-o from bolting, but you have to tell me if nothing happens. I ain't sending the poor boy home to any more of what he's been gettin'."

Brenda pulled into the potholed parking lot and killed the engine. She checked her purse for the .32 she habitually carried, and took a deep breath. Getting out, she approached the garishly lit entrance and passed through the dilapidated door. Just inside, a kid with more tattoos and body piercings than a sideshow freak looked up from the book he was reading. She glanced at the title and laughed, Plato's the Republic. College kid, she decided.

"ID?" he inquired in a bored voice.

Brenda showed it to him and passed through the dark curtains and into the interior. She hadn't been to an adult store in ages, but they were all the same. She had picked this one, despite the bad neighborhood, because she knew one of the clerks. She just hoped Dana was on. She spotted her friend, helping a fat man in conservative business attire select a butt plug. Dana looked up, smiled and winked and went back to her customer. Once she had made the sale she came over and gave Brenda a hug.

"Fancy seeing you here, Freddy not living up to his rep?" the tall girl said as she hugged Brenda.

"He's still the man of the house," Brenda said with a laugh.

"So what brings you to Homo central?"

"I need some help."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I got a girlfriend who needs to get her ass laid, but good."

"You planning on doing the laying?"

"Yeah."

"Bren, I don't mean to be bitchy, but you aren't a top."

"Tonight I'm gonna be."

"Cool, what do you need?"

"Damned if I know, that's why I came to the expert."

"Well, tell me a bit about this girlfriend, then."

"She's a good girl, Dee. But she's about to loose her husband and a lot more. She's got some hang-up that keeps her from enjoying sex, and I think that's what has her so fucked up. She's a ball of stress and she won't relax or loosen up even a tiny bit. She's been playing princess for the past year or so, and it's just worn thin on everyone. I think she even knows it, but she seems incapable of stopping herself."

"So how you planning on bedding her? Think she might be a closet dyke?"

"No."

"Look, Bren, ain't none of my business, but if she's that fucked in the head, how you planning on getting her into the sack? I've bedded a few happily married women, but it's a damned frustrating deal getting them to lose the panties."

"She's going to lose them whether she likes it or not."

"Ooooo-Kay. I take it you aren't taking no for an answer."

"Damned skippy, I'm not."

"All right, well, let's see about some restraints then. You got a stick?"

"No."

"Well, we got some good harnesses," Dana said, leading Brenda over to one wall.

The tall butch selected a box and handed it to Brenda, who examined it curiously.

"How do you use it?"

"Self explanatory, no more difficult than putting on a pair of pants. It'll handle most any cock you choose."

As she spoke, Dana indicated a huge and bewildering array of dildos on the racks along the wall.

"Jesus H. Christ," Brenda whispered.

"Don't let the selection intimidate you. A dick's a dick's a dick. Choosing one is all about knowing what you want to do with it. Once you're clear on that, it practically picks itself," Dana said with an encouraging squeeze of Brenda's shoulder.

"I see."

"Just tell me what you want babe, I'm here to help."

Brenda thought about it for a few moments.

"I've gotta rock her world, Dee. She's gotta cum like she's never cum before, and she's gotta end up liking it."

"Petite girl? Big Girl? What?"

"Petite. Really petite."

"Experienced?"

"No. Not really."

Dana went to the rack and grabbed a monster dildo. Even Brenda, who was used to Freddy's horse dick balked.

"Most have funny names, puns and the like, or are modeled on porn stars. But this one, they just call it the Bitch Tamer. If you're dead set on fucking up her world view, this is the one you want."

"I don't think she can take that," Brenda said, hefting the thick and heavy dildo.

"Bullshit, Bren. Get her hot enough and she'll be begging for it. Unless you plan on some ass fucking, that's my recommendation."

"Hadn't thought about any ass fucking, but it might be just what she needs," Brenda said, still awed by the huge dildo.

Dana laughed and moved down the row, she came back with a long, thin and strangely shaped cock in clear latex. While she was away, Brenda considered the big dildo. It just looked too ridiculously large, but she decided she would trust Dana's judgment. She would only have one shot at this and it would be a shame to fail because she wasn't hung well enough.

"This will do for her backdoor. It was designed by a flaming queen of a doctor. It's scientifically contoured to give the most pleasure without doing any damage, so you can tear her up and not have to be worried about it." "All right. Dee?"

"Yeah?"

Brenda held up the Bitch Tamer and smiled.

"Does it come in black?"

***

Despite her detour, Brenda made it to Suzy's place with fifteen minutes to spare. She shouldered her overnight bag, but left the special bag on the car seat. She still wasn't sure she was going to go through with it, but she was prepared to take drastic action if discussion failed.

She knocked on the door and Suzy answered.

"Hey, Babe," Brenda said, barging in and giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Hey," her friend replied.

Brenda deposited her overnight bag on the sofa and hurried upstairs. She locked herself in the couple's bathroom and quickly scanned the medicine cabinet. When she had satisfied herself neither was using a rescue inhaler or taking anything more dangerous than aspirin, she relieved herself and went back downstairs. She smiled at Suzy and moved to the bar.

"So what's the plan?" Brenda asked as she fixed herself a rum and coke.

"I don't know. I can't get my mother on the phone to make sure the baby is all right and Steve hasn't called. I swear, I'm starting to think he's having an affair."

"Men are like that. If they aren't getting it at home, they go bird doggin'," Brenda said carefully.

It seemed like a good lead in. She was going to try to reason with Suzy first, but if that failed, she was now pretty much prepared to try the second option.

"That's not very nice."

"Oh, hell, Suzy. You gotta keep your man happy. I'm not going to lie to you."

"I've tried."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," she said defensively.

"So what have you tried?"

"The usual things."

"Get some sexy lingerie?"

"No, of course not."

"Meet him at the door naked and on your knees?"

"Brenda! There's no need to be so crude."

"Men like crude sometimes. You should try it."

"I'm not a whore!"

"I meet Freddy naked at the door, with a beer and a blow job at least once a month. You sayin' I'm a whore?" Brenda replied, her voice icy.

"No. You know I'm not. Let's change the subject, 'kay?"

"No, not yet. Just what have you tried, Suze?"

"Just regular stuff. You know, letting him know I would let him if he wanted to."

"Did you ever tell him you wanted to?"

"No, I'm not like that," she said blushing.

"Girl, a man's got a fragile ego. He has to feel wanted."

"I want him. I really do."

"But have you ever told him that?"

"No."

"Suze, you gotta loosen up. Nobody wants to be married to his mother in law."

"Bren, you're really pissing me off. Let's just drop it, okay? You just don't understand."

Oh, I understand perfectly, she thought. The only question is, can I make you see the light?

"All right, girlfriend, we'll drop it. I brought some flicks, you wanna make some popcorn?"

"Sure," she said, smiling.

That was the thing about Suze, Brenda mused. The redeeming quality that made putting up with her bullshit worth it. She had been hurt and upset, but she instantly forgave Brenda. She didn't have a vengeful bone in her body and didn't carry grudges. Beneath the puritanical attitude, she was genuinely sweet and loving. But that wouldn't be enough to save her marriage, and Brenda knew it.

"What can I get you?" Brenda asked, as casually as she could.

"Vodka Martini."

"That shit will rot your guts. How bout something less toxic?"

Brenda really didn't have anything against martinis, but she wanted something with some color to it.

"I dunno, have something you think would do me good?"

Oh yeah, that I do, she thought.

"How bout a Harvey Wallbanger? I see Steve picked up some Galliano."

"Never had one of those, sure," she replied.

"What kind of flick you feel like?" Brenda called.

She kept her eyes on the entrance to the kitchen as she mashed up the Cainockflorin into a powder and mixed it with the sugar she was adding to Suze's drink. She had it done and was carrying both drinks to the table when Suze came in with a bowl of popcorn. Brenda popped in a girly flick and sat back, sipping on her rum and coke. She watched from the corner of her eye as Suzy sipped the drink.

"Wow!" she exclaimed.

"Like it?'

"Yeah, it's sweet and kinda...I dunno..."

"Don't try to explain," Brenda laughed, "There are no words for how Galliano tastes. You either like it or hate it."

"I like it," Suzy said, taking a much larger sip.

Brenda paid no attention to the movie, but watched Suzy closely. At first there seemed to be no effect, but after a while she started to sway and her eyes dilated.

"Suzy?" Brenda asked.

When she didn't respond, Brenda put down her drink and moved next to her friend. She waved her hand in front of Suzy's face and snapped her fingers.

"Suzy!" she shouted.

"Huh? Ummmm... I'm feeling woozy...Feel..." her words trailed off into an incoherent mumbling.

"Feel like some serious fucking?" Brenda asked.

"Mmm...fucking..."

Well, the first part of her plan seemed to be working. Brenda knew she would have to hurry though. She had only used .5 mg and while the effects were stunning, she knew the intervention dosage was meant to be applied to someone who had already had a serious IV dose in their system. Left to her own devices, Suzy would fall asleep and wake with nothing worse than a drug hangover, and maybe some sore muscles. Brenda had no intention of leaving her to her own devices, however. Brenda hurried out to her car and got her gym bag. By the time she returned, Suzy was slumped over on the sofa and curled up. Brenda opened the bag and pulled out the restraints. She glanced around the room, her eyes finally settling on the coffee table. It was a stout piece of furniture, fashioned to resemble an old style cedar chest. The legs were squat, stout ovals and looked to be sturdy enough to handle the most violent struggles.

The restraints Dana had suggested were thick leather bands, with a double row of holes running down the length. One end held a heavy, stainless steel clip, the other a buckle. Their best feature, besides being incredibly strong, was their versatility. It took Brenda only a few minutes to attach one to each of the table legs and she left only about an inch of play in each. She looked in her bag, looked at Suzy's limp form and did what she promised herself she would.

She took a step back and really thought about what she was about to do. She wasn't too worried about the consequences if she failed. Suzy would never, under any circumstances, go to the cops. It might ruin their friendship, but Brenda was resigned to that anyway. If she took no action, Suze would move back to Peoria and her parents after Steve divorced her. They already hated Brenda's guts, for being black and their daughter's friend, among other things. So she would loose her friend in any scenario that didn't save her marriage.

If she succeeded, Suze would probably save her marriage. Of course, she might not be Suzy anymore. Realizing sex was fun did strange things to people. But that was a chance Brenda was willing to take.

Brenda kicked off her sandals and sat next to her friend. Her hands were shaking just a bit as she undid the pretty buttons on Suzy's blouse. Beneath it she wore a simple, white, full coverage, front closure bra. Brenda shook her head and unclasped it, her eyes sparkled as she got a good look at her friend's tits. They were small, but perfectly formed, and capped with small dusky aureoles and thick, stubby nipples. They were pert, rode high on her chest and the skin was creamy and flawless. Even with her pregnancy they were still barely a handful. Quite a contrast to Brenda's own dark bra busters. "Hmmm? Wha? Hmmm?" Suzy groggily moaned.

"Just relax, baby, just getting you a little more comfy. Nothing wrong with that, is there?" Brenda said in a soothing voice.

"Comprable," Suzy said, and then giggled.

Brenda slipped the bra off her shoulders and unbuttoned her jeans. She was hoping for something sexy, but as she tugged them down she saw Suzy wore simple white cotton granny panties.

"Damn, girl, why do you insist on wrapping this hot little body in such ugly underwear?"

Brenda didn't wait for a response, sliding her hands into the waistband and pulling the panties off. Suzy's pussy was very trim, the mount of Venus barely discernable. Golden red pubic curls hid her lips from view. Brenda tossed the panties and used her fingers to part the soft pubes. She felt a bit nervous when she saw that Suzy's lips were very delicate. She had the smallest, most dainty pussy Brenda had ever seen, and she wondered if taking Dana's advice on the bitch tamer had been a mistake after all.

"Nakey?" Suzy giggled drunkenly.

Brenda could see she was coming around. Already she had progressed from semi functional to that stage where everything was funny. She quickly removed the drinks and magazines and used Suzy's ugly panties to wipe down the tabletop. It took some effort to get the petite girl onto the table, she was small, but in her drugged state, her body was almost dead weight. Brenda stuffed a couch cushion under her tummy with some difficulty.

From her bag, Brenda grabbed four cuffs and tossed them on the floor. These were all made of thick black leather and lined with soft white fur. Each was adjustable and held closed by two thin leather straps and buckles. A heavy metal D ring was set into each.

Brenda attached one to each of Suzy's wrists and ankles, and then hooked the D rings into the straps. She stood back a moment to admire her handiwork. She hadn't started out with any thought of particularly enjoying what she was going to do, but the sight of petite little Suzy; naked, helpless, with her perfect little ass up thrust and her pussy exposed sent a thrill through Brenda that was undeniable. She was mildly surprised to realize she was getting damp. Even more, she was surprised to realize she was going to enjoy the hell out of this.

"Maybe I'm still a little cunt crazy," she said to herself.

"Cunt. Cunt, cunt, cunt," Suzy repeated in a little girl voice.

Brenda smiled and headed upstairs. She wanted to give Suze a little more time to come around and she also wanted to satisfy herself of a few things before she committed to this. In the bedroom, she breezed past the big bed and pulled open Suzy's dresser drawers. Beautiful clothes, expensive, carefully folded and neat. Dior, Ann Taylor, Talbot's. And fucking ugly underwear. All cotton, all granny cut. Bras all the same. Just fucking unbelievable, she thought. No nighties, no negligees, no outfits for role play, no stockings or garter belts, just control top hose. As if Suzy had anything that needed controlling. There was barely a hint of fat left from the pregnancy.

It was almost like she intentionally refused to wear anything even mildly provocative. The only exception to the procession of blah white panties was a pair of red cotton bikini briefs. These were laundered, but Brenda could tell they hadn't been worn much, if at all. She suddenly had an image of poor Steve, trying to get his wife something a little sexy and her never wearing them. No wonder the poor guy was ready to call it quits.

She padded through the rest of the house, to find everything immaculate. No dust anywhere, no clutter, a place for everything and everything in its place.

"Donna fucking Reed," Brenda said.

Heading back downstairs, she shed her blouse. The investigation upstairs had sealed the deal. Brenda unbuttoned her jeans and wiggled out of them, taking the black thong with them. She kept her bra on, for the present. From her bag, she grabbed the harness and gingerly shook it out. It looked for all the world like an oversized pair of edible undies. She stepped into the leg loops, and snugged up the Velcro of the waistband, then gave each of the tabs a pull, until she felt the leather cod piece settle over her pussy. She wasn't really sure she even had it on right and she had no idea of how tight it should be. A little experimentation followed, but she found herself sweating it more than she thought she would.

Brenda took out the Bitch Tamer, then eyed it. There was a small hole in the base, which seemed to be meant for the stud at the front of her harness. She lined them up and pressed it firmly to the stud that was seated over her clit and jutting out. With three audible clicks the huge toy seated and when she let it go, it simply drooped under its own weight. She jogged her hips, feeling the exciter on her side of the harness rub against her clitoral hood and watching in fascination as her cock bobbed and bounced. She felt a really weird sense of power and she could see why men were so fascinated with their willies.

"Well, Mrs. Cleaver, it's time for you to meet the neighbors," Brenda said, smiling at her own joke.

From her bag she took a thick tube of high tech lube. It was called Hyperglide, and had been developed by NASA as a waterproof lubricant for high performance equipment. Brenda squeezed a good amount into her hand and began to slick up the toy at her waist. It took two more squeezes of the tube and both hands, but she finally got the whole thing coated. From the bag, she then pulled out the set of kneepads Freddy wore when laying tile. She wasn't as young as she used to be, and she had anticipated the need to ease the pressure on her knees. She buckled them on, picked up the tube of lube and squeezed a good glob of it onto her hand, while kneeling at the foot of the table.

She put the kneepads up against the wood, and then cupped Suzy's pussy and began to work the lube in.

"Huh? What? Brenda?"

"Relax babe, it's just some lube."

"Lube?"

"Yeah, to get you all slick and ready."

"Ready for wha..." her question faded into a soft moan as Brenda found her entrance and introduced two slick fingers. She felt another pang of doubt as Suzy's pussy gripped her fingers. She was so tight Brenda had to muscle her way in, and that worried her. She hoped the Hyperglide would do the trick. At least she was sure Suzy hadn't been lying about one thing, her tight little pussy was gently massaging Brenda's fingers and it was obvious that she was in need of a good fucking.

Brenda eased her fingers out and used both hands to grip the shaft of her cock and hold it on target. This proved to be far more difficult than she had anticipated. While she had a good line of sight, the lack of feedback from the toy left her nervous and she moved with extreme care, lest she hurt Suzy. When it finally seated, she began to lean forward, letting her weight slowly settle in behind the thick toy. Suzy groaned raggedly.

"Stop! It hurts. Please, Brenda."

The dark-skinned woman ignored her and put more weight behind the toy. She was fascinated at the way it was stretching Suzy's pussy.

"Brenda? What are you doin..." her words were cut off by an 'oomph' as the head slipped past her outer ring of muscles and into her quivering pussy.

"Giving what you said you needed. A good hard fucking!" Brenda crowed.

Suzy seemed to become more aware and began to struggle, but the bonds held her fast. Brenda pressed forward slowly, then rocked back slightly, just like Freddy did with her. As she watched, an inch of the thick shaft, then another slowly sank into Suzy's tight channel.

"Stop it! This isn't funny," Suzy panted.

"You're right there, babe, it's hot as hell, but it damn sho ain't funny."

"Brenda, please, this is wrong!" Suzy cried as more of the thick intruder invaded her secret place.

"Shut up. Just shut up and enjoy it. You've been crying for days that you needed it, and now you're gonna get it in spades."

"Not from you!"

"Yes, from me!" Brenda said, thrusting forward to punctuate her words.

"Ohmigod! Please, it hurts," Suzy sobbed.

"Hurts so good, you mean. Don't try to lie to me. I can smell your pussy from here."

Brenda removed first one hand and then the other, eventually grasping Suzy's hips. All but the last inch of the wide base was now inside her whimpering lover, but Brenda wouldn't be satisfied with half measures tonight. She slid her knees out a little, to widen her base and get some purchase and then drove forward with all she had.

Suzy screamed, a piercing, keening cry that split the silence of the room. Brenda's hips bumped up tight against the bound woman's ass. She held still then, letting Suze adjust. Brenda could see the muscles in her butt and back twitching beneath her fine, alabaster skin.

"Take it out. Take it out, Please. Pretty please?"

"Sho thing, baby," Brenda said, withdrawing it by rocking her hips back.

She loved the way Suzy's lips seemed to be hanging on, like they were reluctant to let it escape. When she was about halfway out, Brenda drove it back in.

"No!" Suzy shouted.

She wiggled frantically in her bonds, plunging and rocking the stout table, but Brenda ignored her and continued trying to get the hang of it. Suzy screamed and shouted and threatened, but it made no impression. Brenda was having a ball. She had always assumed fucking was easy. After all, she had never had trouble mastering rhythm and stroke in femme superior, but she found life wasn't so easy from the other side of the dick. She could keep up a fairly even stroke, by alternately hunching her back and straightening up, but it was far too much work and didn't produce any of the variation in stroke she knew was so enjoyable. Not that little Suzy was complaining, she was huffing and puffing, whining and biting back on moans now. Only occasionally mustering a protest.

Over time, Brenda found, to her amusement, that it was all in her hips and legs, despite what "felt" right. She had always thought it felt like a pistoning motion and thus that it was all in your back, but the truth was, she got a smoother flow by rolling her hips. This method gave her a much smoother action, but in no time the muscles in her ass began to burn. Brenda then tried a more jerky motion, using her legs to drive, while keeping her ass out of it.

She drew back for a long stroke and the dong popped out of Suzy's pussy. Brenda was already thrusting back so her hips smacked Suzy's with an audible thwack. Brenda burst out laughing and grasped the toy with both hands. It was still a tight fit, but she had far less trouble getting it in this time.

She laughed in delight as she was able to watch her cock and how the different methods produced different visuals. She was so caught up in it she failed at first to even hear Suzy, but as she was contemplating the exact mechanics of the little rolling flourish Freddy sometimes used, the girl's words penetrated.

"Brenda? Please. Something's wrong. I f.f.f.feel strange."

Brenda didn't need more than a moment to ascertain what the strange feeling was, but it left her troubled. The muscles in Suzy's legs and back were rippling and tensing, the aroma from her pussy had become much stronger and her juices now coated the toy hammering into her. Her labored breathing, and the frequent squeaks all pointed to an orgasm. It was hard for Brenda to comprehend those wonderful warning signs being scary or strange.

"Suzy? Haven't you ever cum real hard?" she asked quizzically.

"N...n...no..."

"Well, get ready girl, cause you're taking a trip on the Nirvana express," Brenda said, grasping the girl's hips more firmly and reverting to the rolling of her hips.

"No, please, this isn't supposed to happen," she whined.

Brenda ignored her, using her legs now and her back, throwing herself forward with each lunge. The big cock made obscene slurping noises as it slammed into Suzy's soaked pussy.

"Cum for me, baby," Brenda urged through clenched teeth.

Sweat poured off her forehead and burned her eyes. It also rolled down her chest, soaking into the silk demi cup bra she had neglected to remove earlier. The muscles in her ass were burning, like they did near the end of an aerobics class, but she kept on pounding into Suzy. Kept on delivering the stimulation, even thought she could see Suzy was fighting it with all she had.

Brenda could have warned her it was useless to fight, but she didn't. She knew the longer Suzy held out, the better it would feel when it came. With that in mind she slowed her stroke, and lengthened it, letting some of the tension in her captive dissipate. And thus it went for well over an hour. Brenda was experimenting, getting comfortable with the motions and the physics. Poor Suzy was struggling just to cope with the relentless pounding her tender pussy was getting.

Brenda decided she had built it up enough. She wanted the first one to rock Suzy's world, but she also knew that the first was never the best and she intended to orgasm her friend until she passed out. Brenda pulled herself tightly to Suzy's butt and began to use short, rapid strokes. Suzy was grunting and groaning, but as time passed, she still hadn't come. It suddenly occurred to Brenda that perhaps, Suzy's problem was a medical one. Maybe she just couldn't orgasm. It would certainly explain her seeming aversion to sex for fun. It would also mean this had been a monumental mistake on her part.

Spurred on by that fear, Brenda threw everything she had into it. The muscles in her stout thighs stood out, as did those in her ass. She could feel the fire, the burning sensation that told her she was pushing past the point where her body was comfortable, but she ignored it. She was really worried now and she began to will Suzy to come. Gritting her teeth against the discomfort as she slammed the thick cock into Suze.

Suzy was making the most incredibly sexy noises now, little whimpers and moans, punctuated by occasional squeaks and barks. Her body was tensed and Brenda found almost as much relief as she did satisfaction when Suze cried out and her body came unglued. She plunged and jerked, thrusting back as best she could to meet Brenda's lunges. She screamed, the sound raw and feral, but softening towards the end into a delicious moan.

Brenda kept driving into her, until Suze lay still. She was babbling now, soft incoherent murmurs. Brenda pulled out, and sat back on her heels, breathing a big sigh of relief. She caught her breath, let her heart rate get back to normal and then carefully stood. Her legs protested, but not badly, and she wandered into the kitchen where she began to rummage around. She found exactly what she wanted in a drawer, a wooden sauce spoon. It was light, but sturdy and stung when she slapped it onto her palm.

She returned to the living room and took up a place behind her bound friend. Suze's ass was still up turned, ripe, pale and vulnerable. Brenda brought the spoon down on it hard. The resultant sound was neither a smack, nor a splat, but a mixture of both. Suze screeched and threw herself forward, actually sliding the table a few inches along the carpeted floor.

"No!"

Brenda ignored her, watching the skin become pink. She smacked the other cheek and Suze reacted violently again. Satisfied that the spoon wasn't doing any real damage, she began to rapidly spank her smaller friend. Brenda applied the spoon to each cheek, alternating and aiming for any spot she hadn't hit yet. Suzy's skin went from pale, to pink to rosy and then to an angry red. Protests, threats and curses gradually gave way to pleading and begging. Brenda ignored it and continued, until she could place her hand near her friend's ass and feel the fierce heat radiating outward.

Suze drooped in her bonds, letting the straps go slack as Brenda put the spoon down. Her victim was panting, and sobbing now, but Brenda was too busy to worry about it. It took a lot of work to get the slippery toy to disconnect from her harness. Her hands kept slipping off and she found there wasn't really anything to hold onto. Eventually, she hit upon getting her fingers under the base, and with some effort, it finally came free.

From her bag, she took the anal toy and attached it with little difficulty. More hyperglide was used as she slicked it up. Brenda scooted behind her reluctant lover and slowly worked some of the lube into the crack between Suzy's scarlet cheeks.

"Ohhhh."

"Feel good, baby?" Brenda said in a soothing voice.

"Yes, it's so cool," Suzy sniffled.

Brenda smiled, applied some more and let her finger settle on Suzy's rear entrance. With infinite care she worked it in, pushing a gob of the hyperglide before it.

"What are you doing?" Suzy cried in alarm.

"Just getting this fine ass ready for some action," Brenda replied.

"Action?...Oh No! Brenda you can't!"

"Watch me," the novice top replied, scooting into position and holding the toy before her.

Brenda was unprepared for what happened next. Suzy went absolutely apeshit. She screamed for help, threw her body violently forward and struggled mightily against her bonds. Brenda actually released the toy and tried to calm Suzy down. She was afraid the girl would hurt herself in her wild bid to escape. The table held, as did the bonds and after a while, Suzy wore herself out. As she lay there, panting Brenda took the opportunity to line her cock up and press it forward. The flared tip penetrated and Suzy went berserk again, bu When Suzy's hysterical strength failed a second time, Brenda was able to get her weight behind the toy. She had both hands on Suzy's trim waist, bearing down with her weight, which kept the girl from wiggling.

Brenda had intended to go very slowly, she knew how painful anal could be if done wrong and she had no intention of hurting her friend, but she hadn't counted on the design of the toy, nor had she factored in Suzy's strong reaction to the muscle relaxant in the drug. The thin toy shot into Suzy's ass in a rush, driving deeply enough that Brenda's hips bumped the girl's ass.

"Ow!" Suzy cried, but it was almost as if she was more surprised than hurt.

"Did that hurt?" Brenda asked.

"Yes."

"You okay?"

"No."

"Suze, unless you want another ass tanning, don't fuck with me. Now are you all right?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

The reply was so soft it was almost inaudible, but Brenda smiled.

"It gets a lot better, girlfriend," Brenda said, as she began to carefully fuck Suzy's gorgeous ass.

The experience was grand, but frustrating. It was a whole new angle, a whole new approach, and it took her much longer to establish a rhythm she liked. Once she did, Brenda really poured it on and Suzy's moans and cries let her know it was a mutually enjoyable cadence. When she got really comfortable, she reached around Suzy's hip and began to tease her clit. The small woman gasped, but moved slightly to give Brenda better access.

"Feels good, don't it?' she whispered.

"Yes," Suzy replied in a sexy, breathless, but somehow sheepish voice.

"You're about to cum again, aren't you?"

"I think so."

"Don't fight it, babe, just let it come."

"Okay," she replied unsurely.

Brenda was unsure if Suzy's sudden acquiescence was a product of the drug's side effects or of her monster orgasm. Whichever was the case, the dark girl decided to take full advantage of it. Her questing fingers found Suzy's little bud and began to really work on it as her hips kept the dildo working in long, even strokes. Suzy moaned, then gasped and with another wild lunge she came. Brenda was a little taken aback, she wondered if all Suzy's orgasms were going to be so violent. Her own experience was that they ebbed and flowed, some strong, some weak, but maybe that didn't apply here.

Or maybe she's just so frustrated that she's built up a lot of need, Brenda thought.

Brenda kept plowing into her lover's ass and continued to manipulate her clit. A second orgasm quickly followed, and a third and then.

"Wow" Brenda said in amazement as Suzy went into another paroxysm while gurgling happily.

Sensing the time was right, Brenda pulled out and fought her way out of the harness. She hurried to the dinette, grabbed a chair and put it right next to the head of the table. She ten straddled the table, lowered her ass to the edge of it, and leaned back on the chair. This placed her pussy right in Suzy's face, while giving her some stability.

The small girl looked up dazedly and wrinkled her nose.

"Bren?" she asked.

"Eat my pussy, baby," Brenda coaxed.

"But...."

"No buts. Just do it, baby,"

She looked confused, but shrugged and closed her eyes. Brenda nearly came when she saw Suzy's little pink tongue slip from between her lips. Brenda used her hands to pry her sticky lips apart and scooted a little closer. The first contact of Suzy's velvety tongue on her pussy sent a jolt though her like none she could remember. It only got better as the small girl began to lap at her pussy like a kitten would.

Brenda had always loved getting head. Male or female, it made no difference to her enjoyment. She found women usually had better technique, but it was far from an absolute. Suzy had none. In this case though, that lack of technique had absolutely no correlation to the pleasure. Just watching her was driving Brenda to distraction. As the bound girl got used to the aroma and taste, she seemed to lose some of her hesitancy. When Brenda began to moan and grind her hips, Suzy became bolder and more vigorous. Brenda held off as long as she could, but when she finally gave in and came, the orgasm was astounding.

It wasn't as physically powerful as some she had experienced, but in her head, the mental turn on made it uniquely pleasurable. The bursts of pleasure soon carried her away and when she looked down she was holding Suzy's head tightly to her pussy. She let go and found Suzy watching her curiously.

"What?" Brenda asked.

"Why?" she asked, tears forming in her big brown eyes.

Brenda smiled as encouragingly as she could and leaned in close. She had possessed herself of Suzy's body by force, but she dreaded this, the really brutal part.

"Steve's going to ask you for a divorce, baby. Not because he doesn't love you, but because you've become an insufferable bitch since you got pregnant. You're wound so tight I couldn't force a nail up your ass with a trip hammer. You're alienating everyone, with your constant whining and need for attention. God love you, baby, you're as sweet as the day is long, but you couldn't be destroying your life any more thoroughly if you were trying."

"I'm not trying," she said, tears streaming from her eyes.

"I know, baby."

"Besides," she sniffled, "What has that got to do with this?"

"You suck at sex. I felt like that was the root of your problems. You were frustrated, and afraid and your lack of desire for him was causing Steve problems that were just adding to the overall stress level around here. You didn't know how to enjoy getting down, and no matter what happens now, you can't say it ain't good, can you?"

"No," she admitted, "But you didn't have to give a demonstration, did you? You could have just told me."

"I've tried to just tell you. I've tried to help, but every time I go there, you clam up or get pissed."

"So you think that's an excuse to rape me?" she cried.

"Ouch. I probably deserved that, but I won't apologize. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I only saw one chance to keep you from making a huge mistake. I did what I had to do."

"So you're saying this was a public service? That you didn't enjoy it?"

"No, baby, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it," Brenda admitted.

Suzy's face went from furious to relieved before Brenda's stunned eyes.

"Good. At least it wasn't a chore," she said softly.

"What on earth would make you think it was a chore? You're dead sexy."

"Am I?"

"Of course you are," Brenda replied.

She hadn't anticipated the conversation going like this and it was rapidly taking on a surreal quality she couldn't fathom.

"Do you mind letting me up? I'm starting to cramp."

"I will, if you promise to let me tie you down again," Brenda said with a half smile.

"Deal." ***

"That's some fucked up shit," Brenda said as she sipped her coffee.

"I guess, but if you're raised in it, you don't know any better."

"So when your momma gave you the birds and bees speech all she told you about was the pain and suffering?"

"Yeah. Scare tactics, I guess. Or maybe she really believes it. God knows she and Daddy never showed any interest in each other."

"I can't believe that shit still goes on in the modern day."

"You haven't ever left the city, Bren. There are communities out west that might as well still be in the last century. And there are some where people like Pastor Wiggins are God on earth in all but name."

"Why didn't you tell Steve?"

"Because I didn't know! I was raised that way. I just assumed everyone was that way."

"Everyone 'cept me."

"You're black," she said apologetically, "you're supposed to be depraved."

"Damn."

"Give me a little credit. I got past that part of my upbringing without any help," she said, sipping a bottled water.

"Sounds like some kind of cult or something."

"Not really. Just a very insular community. It got better when we moved to the city."

"Peoria's a city? Since when?" Brenda asked sarcastically.

"It's a lot bigger than Wigginsville."

"So this fucked up religious guy owns the whole town?"

"Not all of it, just the good parts. His father bought all the property up and laid out the town. Some kind of commune experiment back in the sixties, I think. The son got into fundamentalist religion and ran all the ex-hippies out when his dad passed. He owns the whole commercial district, so if you want to have a store there, you play his way. Same for the subdivisions. If you want to buy a house, you have to meet his demands. He won't allow any other church to move in and he's Mayor, as well as Pastor and Chairman of the board and Justice of the Peace and...you name it."

"Someone ought to sue."

"They have, but he's a big contributor to all the local and state politicos. Someone will get around to filing a federal suit, but you gotta understand something, Bren. The people who live there like it just the way it is. My folks only moved cause Daddy got a better job and they were forever pining for "home". They'll move back as soon as dad retires. Some people just like it all laid out for them."

"All right, so you're upbringing was fucked, still, you had to have known, girl. I mean, you watch the tube, go to the movies, read magazines. You just can't possibly have been totally in the dark."

"No, not totally, but you have to understand. This was something I was raised to believe. It takes a lot to get past it. Even harder than the race thing. At least there, I had the evidence of my experiences to help me take the blinders off. With this...Steve was my first and only. And my first time was just as painful and awful as mom said it would be. I really wanted to believe it was fun and romantic and wonderful and all that, but every time we tried it, it wasn't."

"You have to put something into it for it to be fun."

"You tell me that now and I've got....some pretty incredible proof it can be fun," she said with a pretty blush, "If you told me that last Friday, it would have been against my experience."

"That's just too out there for me, like something from the twilight zone or the outer limits. The girl who couldn't cum or some shit like that"

"Yeah, well. Getting fucked silly by my best friend is pretty out there for me," Suzy observed.

"Fair enough. But you ain't pissed at me or nothing, right?"

"I'm not real thrilled that you decided on this method. It's pretty humiliating," she said archly, but her face softened, "On the other hand, I don't think anything short of cumming like I did would have given me any chance of getting past it. Now that I've experienced what it can feel like, there's really no way I can go back to believing it's an unpleasant obligation. So I should be thanking you, but I'm not there yet. I still feel like I ought to be pissed, but what I really feel is relief."

Brenda had to smile at that, and Suzy smiled back.

"So now what?" Suzy asked.

"Well," Brenda said, drawing the word out, "We got till Monday before the boys get back and I was just starting to enjoy having a dick."

"So, what?"

"So, I think it's time to take your hot little ass upstairs and get back to fucking."

"I guess I could use some more practice," she said gravely, but Brenda could see the smile in her eyes.

0 notes

bubwagon · 7 years ago

Text

this post is long and boring and about isj and it functions as a way for me to figure some things out and remember them and wasn’t necessarily meant to be read

By all intents and purposes, that was an ideal meeting. Possibly perfect, in that I can't imagine anything better happening, with the exception of a reconciliation fuck but i don't think that would have necessarily been the best for either of us. I have a difficult time being in Corvallis because it brings up a lot of my worse behaviours. Or not, bad behaviours necessarily. But behaviours that are kinda unhelpful and destructive to me. For example: T is very poor and I love him a lot and he doesn't get a ton of support all the time and for a few reasons I'm a little better situated to deal with his issues (I have more attention and span for his feelings than everyone but Erica, I have more disposable income, and honestly mostly because I just don't talk to him every day of my life so it's not a huge deal if he goes on an emotional bender around me once in a while) so when I'm around him just start paying for 100% of the things he needs and since I'm covering him for dinner what if I just paid for all of dinner for 6 people and took on the brunt of cooking as well. I'm kind of a giver, and normally that's fine, but I feel VERY compelled to give because corvallis stresses me out and I want to be likeable and my schtick for being likeable has always been to be generous. It means I bend my sweet baby butt backwards to accommodate the needs of resident gremlin boys and it's dumb!! When E first met me she was super suspicious of that which is fair. Like, it's dumb and I don't need to be so obsequious to be liked. Anyways I was kinda stressed out and I drank about 4 glasses of wine (or equivalent) on almost no food. I was, I don't know, punishing myself? So after I made dinner I decided I wasn't gonna have any right then. Anyways, I ran out of the house twice and I made friends on a playground and it was kinda dumb and dramatic but I get dumb and dramatic when I drink I guess. I just felt really clearly Not a part of the group. Sitting in a corner and cooking didn't help. Not playing MGS didn't help either, but also I clammed up.

Also: I want to say now that E is a light and saving grace and I feel incredibly fortunate that she was with me and caring for me. Hey here's mostly what I want to say: I think Ian is doing good and I think I am doing good and he was sweet and gentle and kind to me for the one day I visited. After everyone left it was decided that I was going to sleep on the shitty couch in his house. And I just sat down and was probably drunk and shellshocked looking and he asked me if I was okay. And I kinda waved him over and leaned against his hip. He lay his arm around me and gave me a hug. We went over to his room and just chatted about stuff. Here's what we went over: 1) We weren't emotionally compatible but we had fun sex. And that's no one's fault that we broke up. 2) He still cares about me and values me as a good friend, he's just bad at expressing that long distance. 3) He's doing well. And he's finally at the school he wanted to go to. And I think he's going to do very well as a chemical engineer. He likes the endlessly replicable tiny building block questions. He likes understanding what the world is I think. 4) He's very genuinely happy that I'm doing well, and that I'm happy. I don't know if the implication there was he was worried about me there. 5) He doesn't think our relationship was a mistake, and he, quote, "had a lot of fun." Which is right. We did have a lot of fun. 6) We didn't fuck or sleep together or anything. Though he said maybe next time, when he gets a queen sized bed and he feels a little less weird about stuff. 7) We talked about Sam breaking up and for some reason also that T asked me earlier that day if I wanted to FUXX. 8) We talked about his shoes and cool jacket, which we bought together 9) He totally had a boner for some of this. 10) He said it wasn't weird I sent him letters. 11) He promised he'd visit sometime (i was drunk, I do not expect him to follow through. I think i specifically said, even if you don't think it'll happen say it will. )

There were other little things. Mostly the gist I got was, even though our relationship dissolved we still care about each other and we don't express that in the same way, but it's enough to know that it's there. Of course, I was always gonna lowkey care about him, but it's nice to hear he does. I wasn't expecting that, necessarily. We hugged a bunch and kissed a little. I still feel like I fit really nicely into the space up and over his shoulder and chest, and it was nice in that it felt really familliar and safe. And we didn't make out or anything, just kinda fit the curve of two smiles against each other. I don't think you're supposed to kiss or cuddle your ex but it felt right. When he said it was time to say goodnight we hugged for a really long time in the hall outside his room. It was hard to want to let go. One of us would start letting go and the other one would hang on a little harder. I haven't rekindled an old flame or anything, and I haven't totally restarted the pining process. But he put away a lot of fears. I was really worried he regretted his time with me, and that he didn't like/respect/care about me as a person, and that I was a burden or a detriment to him when we were together. And it was like, no. we loved each other and it didn't work out but we did/do really care and that counts for something! It counts for a lot. And I know this isn't really addressing the real ways he did hurt me. I told him that for a while I was really mad, but I kinda thought I understood him finally at the end. And I wasn't so mad. At the same time: we tried and it didn't quite work out.

Easy as that. When we did say goodnight I could NOT fall asleep. I was hung over (already!) and at that point I hadn't eaten in almost 12 hours and drank a lot. I came in, asked if I could please join because I can't sleep, and he said, you're putting me in an awkward position here. I said sorry and left. Then he came out and took the couch and told me to take his bed.

The next morning when I came to say goodbye (he was asleep and at this point he moved back to his bed) we spooned for a bit. And when he laid down flat I nestled on top of him and held his hand and he held me really tight and then relaxed. He's a skinny little boy but he's comfy to be around. When it was time for me to leave I kissed him and his nose. And he pulled me back in for another long kiss. Then I kissed his forehead and he frowned and i laughed and called him the devil.

And that's what happenend. I think I knew it was going to be fine when I discovered that he gently and prominently placed all of the little things I bought him in his new room. He coulda chucked them somewhere or thrown them out (all of the things he gave me are hiding in dark corners because they kinda bring me pain to look at, but probably won't any more), but he put the little pusheen plush on the shelf next to all his fucking DOTA figurines, by the computer where he spends 100% of his time. And the pen I gave him is sitting right next to his desktop monitor. And the stickers and weird kitkat are around. It's all okay.

Here's what I want to remember from our relationship now that I don't feel uncomfortably badgered by negative emotions: 1) Leaning on him in the bright sun sitting on two tiny logs listening to him nervously decide what he wanted our relationship to look like. 2) Going with him to Powells, and the Doc Martens store, and Macys (?) on one of our first dates. I helped him pick out new boots, and a leather jacket. I was so delighted by Powells. Here's what I remember: reading the old bionicle books on the floor of Powels, delighted that the writing still held up as decent YA sci-fi. 3) Having sex (him losing that sweet sweet virginity!) for the first time to mind of a chef, fire episode in season 3. Hilarious. 4) He visited once when I really had to study and he helped me pomodoro. Every twenty five minutes he'd come upstairs to give me a kiss and a hug, and leave once I had to study again. 5) Spending a long time in bed with him in the mornings. It's a variable but happy memory. 6) Making pizza. 7) Awkwardly first telling him that I loved him. Hey this is a sweet story. Some rough shit was going down and he really took care of me. He held me against his chest so I could feel his heartbeat and breathed in deep and slow so I'd stop gasping. Eric used to do this too, and it's nice that people pick up on this. At night, in bed and with the light off I said soemthing like don't take this too seriously but I love you right now. And he was quiet and I felt like cutting out my unwary tongue. And he asked what that meant. And I told him something stupid about how I love a lot and each love is beautiful and unique or something. And he asked if it'd be weird if he said it too. And I said, no, but don't feel compelled to. And he said i love you too and i think i was the little spoon and i turned around and we kissed. It was a nice moment.

I think he's doing better. He was sweet and genuine to people that weren't me. He was honest to E about feeling bad for how he treated her. And when T had to throw up a little he brought him water. AND he helped cook. Small things, but it shows some sweet sweet character development. I love him, a little, still. But again, that doesn't really make him special. I feel wistful and nostalgic, but I'm happy. Also a little sad, but I feel good about this right now. I could visit again, especially now that I know tickets to PDX are like 70 bucks if you get them early enough. I could stop blacklisting his tumblr URL. This post was really for me to think about how I felt and to kind of write it all down so I wouldn't forget. I feel really lucky to have a good relationship with him. I also feel really lucky to have a good relationship with Eric. I think this is gonna be a good okay thing. I don't have a lot to be nervous about anymore? That's all done. T and I love each other of course. EBB has fast become one of my closest friends and I love her :'). Nick likes me and puts in an effort to acknowledge what I say and I feel comfortable around him. And EHP and I have been talking a little and i really respect and appreciate him. Maybe I can just go to Corvo and have a good relaxed time now.

Here's what I'm hoping for next: - have a good time in Vancouver w/ friends. - do fucking great as a copyeditor - get the content marketing writing/editing position - move tf out of my house and in with marisa

i'm feeling good right now and while i'm thinking that tweet that's like OH SO I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO ENJOY GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO ME INSTEAD OF LIVING IN FEAR THAT THEY'LL TURN TO DUST IN MY HANDS but things are Okay!

i am feeling just wistful and nostalgic right now. and i’m a little sad. but that was really nice, and that’s the best i could have hoped for.

0 notes