#we all have to figure out who we are at some point

[prokopetz]

You've talked before about how "generic" ttrpg systems still contain hidden assumptions about genre, story, playstyle, etc. (e.g. gurps and military scifi/fantasy) how do you figure out what those assumptions are? what should you look for in the rules to find them?

That's a fairly involved question for which a full answer is beyond the scope of a Tumblr post (even my notoriously long-winded ones!), but I find that a good place to start is with the "who gives a shit?" principle.

For example, suppose that the first piece of mechanically significant information on a game's character sheet is a statistic called "Strength", rated on a scale from one to ten.

Who gives a shit?

That is, why do we care how strong player characters are? Why do we care about having a definite, codified answer at our fingertips to the question of which characters are stronger than other characters, to a fair degree of precision? Why does any of this matter? What assumptions are we making about the nature of the conflicts that will be present within the game's narrative?

That's a fairly trivial case, but the principle can be extended to more fundamental features of a game's rules. Let's consider the classic Dungeons & Dragons style skill check, for example: roll a die, add a stat, compare to a target number, pass or fail. What assumptions are we encoding about the nature of conflict in this game?

Well, for a start, these assumptions might include:

The assumption that generating binary pass/fail outcomes for performing discrete physical, mental and social tasks is how most conflicts will be resolved;

The assumption that your game will benefit from these outcomes having a high degree of player-facing uncertainty;

The assumption that your game will benefit from this uncertainty containing a relatively high likelihood of complete failure;

The assumption that your game will benefit from the principal determinant of that likelihood of failure being some intrinsic and objectively measurable attribute of the acting character;

... and so forth.

If you're only familiar with Dungeons & Dragons and its very close imitators, these may seem like things you have to assume in order to have a functioning game, but there are a fairly specific set of conventions being expressed here. Why do we care about any of these things? Who gives a shit?

Even the first bullet point can easily be knocked down: one can imagine, for example, a game which simply assumes players can always choose to have their characters succeed at anything it's within the realm of possibility for them to do, and whose rules instead focus on providing a codified game-mechanical answer to the question of what that success will cost them, with the only uncertainty being whether the player is willing to pay that cost.

It's clear that a game which approaches conflict resolution in this way is expressing a strong set of genre assumptions. The trick is recognising that the industry-standard alternative (i.e., the D&D-style skill check) is equally laser-focused on a specific set of genre assumptions, in a way that's often rendered invisible by how common it is.

All of which is a very long-winded way of saying there isn't a simple checklist you can go down to identify a game's genre assumptions. But then, I warned you way up in the opening sentence that this would be the case – I hope I've at least given you a place to start!

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Saying this as someone who's 37, likes to read physical books when they can, and fully understands the criticism that modern media is expecting increasingly short attention spans from it's audience...

I'll be real with you I was in the world's worst fit of adhd when I first wanted to watch the flash tv series as it was coming out, but I figured 'it's the flash, it'd be hilarious to watch at 2x speed..."

I was right. My commitment to the bit was rewarded. It was easier to sit though. I had a great time.

Problem,

I got used to watching TV at that speed and even started talking faster. My partner was not impressed.

I eventually got back to watching everything at normal speed, I was in my 20's at the time forgive me, but to this day sometimes I'll occasionally remember, when there's something I want to watch, especially on youtube, that's just going a little too slow or has some pacing issues, or I am willing to watch it for 15 minutes but not a half hour... I'll remember I can literally just make it go faster...

And I will shamelessly do that.

But the thing is that it's a lot like speed reading. You do it when you want to absorb the content for yourself, all of it, but aren't looking to savour something. There are lots of reasons to do this. People speed watch for a list of similar reasons to why some people sometimes opt to speed read. I think it's important we try not to judge.

But I do find it a little head tilt inducing when someone habitually watches everything they watch for enjoyment at 2x speed like that's just how they prefer to consume everything at all times.

Like there is a certain percentage of stuff you might expect to consume for the cultural reference, or to try to get into it when you aren't yet, or for the information and visuals but not the whole experience of sitting with it... But at some point you have to just spend less time consuming things just to consume them rather than for enjoyment?

My excuse is I have adhd and other quirks and CAN'T be medicated for them... I'm not sure what they're doing or why.

"good enough to watch at 1x speed" is a thing i see people occasionally mention on social media and it's always like. oh okay your perspective here is completely alien to mine. okay

[revelboo]

God hi I know it SUPER isnt gonna happen like this obvs but I'm just imagining EIA Shockwave Staring at the Two Sparkbonds in the human and is like Quiet and somehow figures out the second is Megatron and he doesnt say SHIT and is just like "Uhhhh yeah. Human's fine. Soundwave, please stay back so we may talk" and Sounders just like "Mkay" and so Star and the human leave and stuff and Soundwave is like "Query: What is it that Shockwave wishes to tell me" and Shockwave is just like "Bestie idk how to say this but I think Lord Megatron is what the humans call a homewrecker." And Soundwave has to play. SO cool about everything.

🤣 Shockwave is just assuming the other bond is Soundwave’s and he just can’t understand the appeal- thinks they’re both deviants. I’ve started going back trying to add warnings to the first chapters of everything, so folks don’t get surprised if the run into my stories in the wilds of Tumblr

Psst psst @thegarageafterdark aka Storm is one of my writer buddies who convinced me to even consider Transformers smut back in the day and she’s started a Tumblr. She does fated mates Transformers stuff for Bayverse and G1

Everything Is Alright Pt 129

IDW Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, Megatron x Reader

• Wincing as Shockwave just stares at you, you’re not about to admit the other bond is Megatron’s. Can’t imagine the Decepticon leader would want that to get out. And Soundwave rescues you by reaching out to run a servo affectionately against your cheek. Making Shockwave stare at him instead, antenna back. You’re pretty sure the scientist just thinks you’re all three a bunch of freaks at this point. If he realized Megatron was also involved, he’d probably literally blow a gasket. “If a spark was to form from a full bond-” Starscream begins and Shockwave growls.

• “Illogical,” Shockwave snarls, turning away with his scanner, studying the readings. Wings lifting in affront, Starscream growls back at the scientist. Not liking the other mech’s dismissive tone. “No sparks are possible with an organic,” Shockwave adds, tone almost angry. Like the very fact that he wanted to spark you is deviant. That he wants you is obscene. Tempting him to lash out at the bigger mech to defend you. Except you might get hurt if he does, worry for you chaining his temper. But it’s something he can’t forget or forgive even if they will need his skills eventually.

• Servo trembling where he’s got it against your cheek, Soundwave wants to take you from Starscream. Press his face against you to feel the beat of your heart, your warmth. Unable to really believe that he can have this without risking everything else he has. And the Seeker scowls at him when he gives in and cups his hands around you, lifting you close. “Little one.” Just needs to hold you, to ground himself in you, because he can repair that broken bond now without any guilt. Can really have everything.

• Gently pinned against his battle mask, you’re aware of the way Shockwave stiffens. Apparently not liking the display of affection. Or you. Pretty sure that he has some sort of issue with you in particular that you can’t figure out. Maybe he’s just xenophobic? And nobody has answered your ‘how long do Cybertronians live’ question which is beginning to worry you. There’s a niggling little worry in the back of your mind about that. Because you’d been in Star and Megatron’s memories and there’d been a lot to parse through, but no real concrete sense of time. Startling when Soundwave retracts his mask and brushes his mouth against your body, apparently not caring about Shockwave watching. Had he been really worried about how long humans live?

• Wings flicking as Soundwave rubs his face against you, venting softly, Starscream wants to be angry still about you and the communications officer. To resent that you love him, too. To ask who you love more even if he’s terrified of what your answer would be. Reminding himself that you’d chosen him. Bonded fully to him. No one can take that from him. “We got our answers,” he mutters, because as entertaining as watching the scientist’s obvious discomfort watching Soundwave is, he wants some quiet time with you. Wants to talk without Soundwave or Megatron listening in. Pretend it’s just you two like it had been back then when he was happiest. Figure out this new dynamic with the other two. His new Trine.

• Following Starscream out into the hall, he’s aware that he’s getting looks. That most of the Decepticons aren’t used to seeing his exposed face. Or it could be you as he nuzzles against your body to make you squirm with breathless little protests. And he stops short when the Seeker stops, wings lifting before Starscream starts laughing. Leaning, he looks down at Rumble and Frenzy and the little human they have in tow, Rumble’s arm around them. “Oh. Hi, boss,” Rumble says as Frenzy tries to pull the human into his arms. Head lifting to stare at Thundercracker, the Seeker carrying plastic boxes full of stuff, his wings flaring like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. And you’re twisting to look too as the other human notices you and waves. “So, we need our own habsuite,” Rumble adds as Starscream keeps laughing.

Previous

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[leonardalphachurch]

Burnie’s AMA podcast about Rooster Teeth’s revival is now available to the public and so I’m going to summarizing the relevant questions that were answered here.

Why?

“It’s because we could […] If we don’t do it who will?” Throughout the episode, Burnie also mentioned: not wanting RT to become lost media; wanting to create opportunities for himself/past employees of the company; wanting to work with old properties again; being able to collaborate with new talent; and the Rooster Teeth brand being good marketing. “One of the main motivators for this was preserving the media, and I’m happy to say, it is preserved.”

Also spoken about over multiple questions, Burnie says that Warner Brothers might have been planning to sell off the whole company, including employees etc., and he did not want (/couldn’t afford) to buy it then. It was only after the shutdown, after it became clear the WB was selling off individual shows, that Burnie started trying to buy things. I mention this specifically because I’ve seen a lot of people talk as if the company itself is coming back; it is not. What Burnie owns right now is the brand and IP rights to a lot of the properties. The actual “company” of Rooster Teeth is actually Burnie’s production company “Box Canyon Productions” and right now only has two employees.

What properties does Rooster Teeth still own?

“It’s a very, very long list.” Burnie says they have the rights over 50 shows, some specifically named ones being The RT Podcast, Red vs Blue, and The Know. Most of the shows that were hosted on the Rooster Teeth YouTube channel were a part of the acquisition. Nothing from Achievement Hunter, Funhaus, or RWBY are owned by RT anymore. Heavy emphasis was put on AH no longer being under RT’s brand anymore.

Are the scope of these new projects going to be more in line with smaller content like the RT Shorts, or is the hope to try and focus on larger productions like Day 5, The Schedule, or Lazer Team?

“The sweet spot for scale is going all the way back to the early episodes of Red vs Blue.” The focus is going to be on “compelling writing and great characters,” and making projects with smaller productions. Throughout the episode they reiterated that their main focus is going to be on individual projects and shows.

Does this mean there are hopes of getting a complete boxset of RvB?

“I also would love a complete boxset of Red vs Blue.” Burnie says he wants to do this, but doing physical media in 2025 is complicated and a financial risk, so they’re going to have to figure out how it would be done. He mentions possibly doing a preorder for it.

What happens if this just fails again?

“It’s not bulletproof, but I don’t know what it would take for us to have to shutter this thing at this point.” Burnie says that they’re already profitable, that they maintain themselves, and that unless they do something that would put them in tremendous amounts of debt, as long as YouTube still remains a platform that lets them host videos, he’s not worried about the company shutting down.

Could this lead to some of the old RT merch being available again?

“Yeah, it would have to be within the brands we’re talking about.” They talk about there being a lot of old merch, so figuring out how to provide the specific pieces that people want will be a challenge. Burnie how his personal philosophies on making merchandise in a way that does not produce “junk” may also make selling merch more difficult. Ashley says it is going to be a “slow start.”

More questions were answered and things discussed on the episode but this is what I found to be important to share here.

The TL;DR of RvB news: They do own the Red vs Blue IP. There was no confirmation or denial of any future continuations of the show, but we will very likely be getting a boxset and some old merch returning.

[heaven-s-black-box]

Notes- Blabber Mouth; Anemo Men

x gn!Reader

Return to File

Recovery date: February 9th, 2025

Description: Anemo version of Blabber Mouth

Notes: CW a few suprise pregnancies I put Wanderer in here, but I personally subscribe to trans-man Wanderer because why would Raiden give him a male body? Also, this series is slowly separating from the original prompt and I feel like I'm just making these kids psychic but shhh, babies

Hydro Dendro Cryo Pyro Anemo Electro Geo

Back to directory

Aether

Kids , he likes them but never really thought they were in his future

I mean, he’s always traveling with his sister, it’s not until Teyvat that he kind of settles down

Abyss!Aether or Traveler!Aether, they meet you and staying here doesn’t sound too bad

Your first is an accident, they make the decision for him

Not that he wanted to leave you anyways

Your second is planned, but your first born beats you to tell him

Aether comes back from wherever he was, helping Khaenri’ah, a commission, ruling the Abyssal Khaeri’ans, and your kid tackles him in a hug

Then, without you saying anything, they talk about reading a story to the baby

And you play mock offense thinking they were reading to you and Aether is trying to figure out what baby

You send your kid off to clean up their toys so you can talk

Aether drops to his knees and hugs your waist

Xiao

It’s not that he doesn’t want kids, he just doesn’t think about it because he doesn’t want another thing he can’t have

He can’t be around people normally, being around an infant? Bad idea

So, you’d have to be anything but a mortal, someone who can be around him despite his debt

Then, he gives it some thought and he’s still really not sure

It takes many conversations for him to see your side of things

Cries the first time he holds your baby

As your first grows up, he tries to figure out how to broach the subject of having another

You laugh when he finally gets it out, face red, and quickly apologize before saying another sounds nice

Your kid is very defensive, and they try defending you from one of the dogs around Wangshuu inn one day

When you ask what’s wrong, because normally the dogs aren't a problem, your kid says they saw the dog scare a baby the other day

Takes you both a second to figure out how that correlates and then it’s a trip to Baizhu

He cries, the first time it wasn’t real to him until he held the baby but this time it’s real from the start

Venti

You guys start talking about having kids, and he’s not even sure he can have them

Like, he’s a windspirit and sure he’s in human form but how far does that extend

So your first born is a bit of a surprise

But he’s so happy, sings to them all the time while your pregnant

He drinks less too, can’t be drinking at Angel’s share when he’s trying to wrangle the little whirlwind into bed

It’s one such night when your little one runs out of their room and into yours

They curl up with you in your bed, and Venti’s trying to convince them to sleep in their bed

They declare they want to sleep with their sibling

You stop reading/pretending to sleep, confused, and Venti just gives in

They make a good point, how could he pull such a protective big sibling away from their little sibling

Venti’s been around enough to know that children can just tell these things

So he just wraps you all up in his wings and you go to Barbara in the morning

If either of your kids are boys, he’s naming him after the nameless bard

Kazuha

Kids… he wants them, he doesn’t want his family line to end with him

But, it’s not really an option when he’s on the run

Once he returns to Inazuma though, he gives it more serious thought

Spending time in the forge, he sees kids run by a lot and watches their awe as they watch him

He brings it up to you, and you have your first born

We don’t know what his friend’s name is, but your first born is getting named after him

Even if he has to alter it a little bit

He likes to write poetry with your kid, it helps their vocabulary, creativity, and fine motor skills

You two also use it to encourage their self expression

So they express their excitement about the friend in your belly

That poem is getting framed, it makes you both laugh

Heizou

Likes playing with the kids in the city and around Ritou

Hasn’t really considered kids of his own

It’s not until he sees you with the kids that he starts thinking about it

I think your first is an accident, but his excitement even surprises him a bit

Not that he thought he wouldn’t be happy/excited

And your kid takes after their father’s investigative curiosity

So you start acting off and they’re running their own investigation

This one is less of a “little kid sixth sense” and more like “mini detective”

They even get Heizou to join in the investigation

But there’s definitely a bit of weird sibling psychic-ness, your first born predicts baby's gender later on

Everyone’s excited, you first born is already planning investigations to do with them

Extra note, but Heizou definitely takes your infants on easy investigations strapped to his chest in a baby harness

Wanderer

I… don’t think he can have kids, I personally think he was not modeled with the required hardware (fully believe his original model was at least a ken doll and and at most fem)

But, between handling the electro gnosis and being around Dottore, I could see him getting the hardware and systems

I do not think he knows he has these systems, mostly because he’s never tried

So your kid is an accident

And Wanderer has a lot of thoughts but, I think he holds the baby and decides that he can do this

First baby’s name is Niwa

This kid has him wrapped around their finger, and he’s happy with one

And now that you two know he can get you pregnant you two are more careful

Your kid asks for a sibling and he’s not one to deny them if you’re okay with it

They’re also the one to tell you, one day they just press a kiss to your tummy before Wanderer puts them to bed for the night

Tighnari’s in the city, so you check in with him before he leaves

I think Wanderer surprises himself with the love he feels for his kids

[queerculus]

@gemder I'm gonna take it at face value that you hadn't started paying attention to politics much yet and lay out a series of events because I think a lot of younger people on this site don't know about it. This is not to put you in particular on blast, this is to try and educate people who genuinely were too young/politically disconnected to know about it.

During the first term of the Obama administration, there was a bad bird flu outbreak. Not as bad as the one we're having now, largely because the Republican party had not yet devolved into a total obstructionist shitshow and worked with him to prevent it from getting worse, but still pretty bad.

In the aftermath of this, Obama formed a Pandemic Task Force because it had become increasingly apparent that at some point in the near future we would encounter another severe health crisis. This effort took several years, a lot of resources, and cooperation from Republican lawmakers to put together.

During the first year of the Trump presidency, the pandemic task force was completely dismantled. Like totally ripped out with no replacement. The reason for this was because it was something Obama did, and Trump's entire first two years were about destroying every program Obama started.

Because a significant amount of our emergency response planning had been rewritten with the pandemic response task force as a central figure, the incompetence and malice of the Trump administration left a gaping hole in our public health response plans. When covid came, that became extremely apparent and over a million people died.

The Biden administration attempted to resurrect the pandemic response task force, however Republican obstruction of literally everything they tried to do made this incredibly difficult and they had to choose what goals were possible to accomplish in the time they had and which ones were not. Lack of political momentum made this pretty much a guaranteed flop to pursue, so it was put aside for more viable goals.

I'm not saying Biden was perfect at all. His handling of the pandemic when he took office was not good in many ways. But that said, this is not a "both sides" issue. Republicans intentionally gouged out a chunk of our public health crisis response plans and it killed over a million people, and has recently spawned two new outbreaks because their obstructionism prevented us from rebuilding these systems. Their grievance politics has and will continue to kill people through mismanagement, incompetence, and zero planning for our future.

So like I said before:

Trump disbanded the pandemic response team and we now we have bird flu and tuberculosis outbreaks

and to add on to that:

Trump disbanded the pandemic response team and over a million people fucking died.

Keep your messaging simple:

“Trump fired everyone in charge of airplane safety, and a week later planes started crashing into each other.”

That’s it. That’s the messaging. Don’t get bogged down disputing Trump’s false claims. Just blame him, in short and repeatable sentences.

[buddiebeginz]

There's been a lot of discussion lately about when will Eddie come out and when Buddie canon will happen. I think a lot more people are feeling optimistic that it actually will happen now so the conversation has shifted into people being worried how this is all going to play out. I've seen people saying that if Eddie comes out and Buddie is fully confirmed this season (i.e. they confess their feelings/ there's a kiss) that would be way too fast. I have some issues with that line of thinking though.

For starters after Buck came out in season 7 we had a lot of new people join fandom (even more join during the summer hiatus), which I'm glad for all the new people who have found 911 particularly because the majority are now rooting for Buddie. Still I feel like a lot of the newer fan's opinions (on this topic) are being heard over some of us who have been in fandom for years.

I'm not saying if you're a newbie that your opinions on the show don't matter but I do think you should take the time to listen to those of us who have been around longer. The fact is if us long time Buddie fans hadn't been rooting for this ship for years we wouldn't even be as close to them becoming canon as we are. Buck likely wouldn't have had his bi awakening if not for us either. We've supported the show and pushed them for years to give these characters the storylines they deserve. That should matter when you're talking about something like how and when Buddie canon will happen.

I understand that people want Buddie to get together in just the right way but I think we all need to realize there is no one right way this will happen. We need to make peace now before it happens that there will be things about them coming together we won't expect even things we may not exactly like. All that matters is they finally get to take their relationship to that next level. That both Buck and Eddie get to realize their person their soulmate has always been right beside them. The other mains have had their person for years it's beyond time for Buck and Eddie to (consciously fully) have that too.

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I've seen people say that Eddie deserves a long journey to figuring out his sexuality and he needs to work on his mental health before being with Buck. And while I do think Eddie deserves more focus and screen time I don't see 911 doing a long drawn out thing with him. 911 typically does smaller 1-3 ep arcs for their characters. There's also the fact that they've been dropping hints for Eddie's coming out these past two seasons. Ones I'm positive they will connect back to other things throughout the series, like why it never worked out with him in his relationships with women.

I'm also personally not a fan of the logic that someone needs to do all these things to change themselves to be ready for love. Buck and Eddie have seen each other through their best and their worst. The show has literally made it a point to tell you that's what love is on numerous occasions. They said that love is about stepping into someone's mess with them. Why is it that Bobby didn't need to be a perfect person before he was worthy of Athena's love? Go back and watch season 1 Bobby was not in a good place when they got together. He was getting better but he was still struggling and up until the end of the season was still thinking about ending his life. But we see Athena "step into the mess" with him. She starts by going to church with him and we see them in s2 (early on in their relationship) talk about his past at different times.

I just feel like this fandom sometimes holds Eddie to unfair standards. He's been struggling for the past couple of seasons but I honestly think we're going to find out in 8b that it's connected to him having not felt able to live his truth. We saw in 806 that Eddie is starting to embrace joy and taking steps to fully be himself. That he's starting even in small ways to take ownership of what he wants and doing things for himself not because he feels obligated to.

I think him going back to Texas is not just to get Chris but the shows way of giving him a rebirth of sorts. They're bringing him back to where he's from and it's where I think Eddie is going to realize who he is and what he wants (Buck) and that him and Chris don't belong in Texas they belong in LA with Buck and the rest of their found family. And this time Eddie will get to make the decision to leave not based on fear or desperation or running away from his life but based on knowing where he truly belongs.

I know there's also a worry that if Eddie comes out in 8b it will feel rushed but the length of the story being told shouldn't be the main concern it should be how well the show tells it.

They could have him realize his feelings for Buck (because I do think him figuring out his sexuality is going to be tied to that) while he's still in Texas. That could be one whole episode just Eddie (like they did for Bobby in s7) or have it play out over a few eps. Then Eddie comes home and Buddie canon happens by the end of s8. I also feel like people are forgetting we have quite a few eps for 8b left to go so it's not like Eddie coming out and Buddie canon are both going to happen in 1 or 2 eps right after the other. It's very likely Eddie realizing his feelings will happen earlier and Buddie canon will happen in one of the last eps of the season.

Also even if they have Eddie come out in one ep that doesn't mean it's the end of him ever talking about his sexuality or facing any struggles with it. We haven't seen Buck facing much struggle when it comes to his sexuality but I think it will be different with Eddie. Even if Buddie officially get together in s8 in s9 we could still see things like Eddie having mixed feelings over being out especially when it comes to stuff like pda. Maybe we could even see Eddie talking to the priest again. Eddie coming out and Buddie canon happening doesn't mean it's the end of Eddie's sexuality journey it's just the beginning.

Like I said before we need to make peace that every part of these stories isn't going to make everyone happy but I think the last thing we should be doing when Eddie comes out and Buddie canon happens is look for reasons to criticize the show for how it happens. They will inevitably receive hate from bummys and people who will accuse them of making the show too gay. We can't add to that by complaining that a storyline didn't happen in a perfect way. If they actually finally go there with these characters we need to celebrate the show and be louder with our praise than any bs they'll get.

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On the subject of Buddie I've seen people say that if they confess their feelings for one another by the end of 8b it will feel rushed that the general audience won't get what's happening because the show hasn't set the groundwork for their relationship. I feel like I'm seeing this argument more from newer fans which I guess makes sense because to you it probably does seem like everything is moving fast. But for those of us who have watched Buck and Eddie's relationship develop over years and years this has all been a long long time coming in fact it's beyond overdue.

Some of you need to remember that Buck was supposed to come out in s4 (the shooting was likely to be the catalyst to him realizing his feelings for Eddie) and Eddie in s5 which means Buddie canon was likely to happen that same season. How can s8 be too soon when they were supposed to get together three seasons ago? They have literally been through almost everything Madney and Bathena have been through or some variation thereof. If Buck and Eddie were a straight couple they would have been married already. Buck and Eddie have spent 7 years building their relationship. Building a life and family together. Them finally admitting they're in love with each other is simply the natural progression their relationship should be taking from best friends (that have always been more than friends) to lovers. I think another reason people question if it's too fast for this to happen in s8 is because a queer couple like this has never happened on a show like 911 before. There's been plenty of slow burn straight couples. Which is why I'm positive if Buck and Eddie were a guy and a girl there wouldn't be this big debate over if it should happen now, people would be saying what the hell is this show even doing? Why haven't they kissed already?

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A big point about all of this that I feel like is being left out of the discussions is that 911 is made in the US and is first and foremost made for US audiences. I bring this up because as someone who is from the states it's very apparent there's a huge uprising of anti lgbtq rhetoric and legislation here right now. I know it probably seems unfathomable to some people that the US government could do something like ban lgbtq people from TV but there's already been pushes to ban things like lgbtq books on a state level so it could happen. But what is more likely is networks and companies have already started to capitulate to trump to protect themselves and their money. We have no way of knowing how bad things will continue to get with trump and how a network like ABC will behave in the future. We don't have the luxury to sit back and say let's wait until s9 or 10 for Buddie to officially get together when there's no certainty of what will even be happening in the US by the time those seasons are made.

Connected to that same topic of what's going on not just in the US but in other countries too. This attack on lgbtq rights means it's more important than ever for Buddie to finally be together. I know that 911 has always had queer characters and ships and they should always be respected for the important representation they've given on the show since day one (particularly characters like Henren and their family) but Buck and Eddie are ground breaking in a way we really haven't seen on TV before. Two men who are best friends and who have come out later in life. Who have fallen for each other over years of building their relationship. Who have spent years raising their son together. Who are an interracial couple. Buck and Eddie in a loving relationship together as a family with Chris is vital representation the world needs to see right now. That lgbtq people need to see. We need to see more depictions of queer joy in the face of all of this hate.

-----

I see people keep pushing back the time frame of when Buddie should officially get together when we were in s7 people were saying s8 now I've seen them say s9, I've even seen some people recently say s10. I need some of you to realize 911 is a network TV show and that this isn't the golden age of TV anymore. TV shows get canceled left and right sometimes for no reason at all. 911 itself was canceled from Fox after s6 not because no one was watching it but because Fox felt it was too expensive to make. 911 is a super successful show one that will likely go on to it's 9th season and that's an amazing thing when a lot of shows now barely even make it past like two seasons. But because 911 is so many seasons in and is so costly not just to make but also for the cast that means there's always a risk that it could get canceled again. I hope that 911 goes on for at least 10 more seasons but we can't guarantee that at all. The more we push Buddie back the more we run the risk of them not happening at all.

The other thing is I don't want Buddie canon happening at the end of their last season. I want to see how Buck and Eddie's relationship develops and changes once they're officially together. I want to see all the good and bad stuff they go through like moving in together and telling everyone (especially Chris). I want to see how their parents react. How that changes things for them at work. They deserve to have an epic love story just as grand as any of the other main couples have had.

To add to the point of us not knowing how long the show may go on for we also have no idea how long all of the actors plan to stay with the show. I'm not sure how long the contracts they've all signed are for at this point but they've all been with the show a very long time. It's clear they all love working together and I can't see any of them giving that up right now but that could change. We're lucky that Oliver and Ryan have continued to stay with the show after this many years but we can't guarantee they will stay forever. Eventually they could want to go off and work on something else or just get tired of playing the same character. The fact is everything is in the right place at the right time for Buddie canon to happen now. It has to happen now or it may not happen at all.

Also as much as some of you want them to drag out Buck and Eddie getting together I think you underestimate how long the fanbase is willing to hang on for. Like I said some of us have been waiting for Buddie to happen for years we're tired. I almost stopped watching the show after s6 I was that fed up with how they handled things. I'm positive if something doesn't change by the end of s8 that there are people who will stop watching.

I know some have said they want to see Buck and Eddie realizing their feelings and going into s9 pinning. I don't think the show needs to drag out their will they/won't they any longer. I've seen some people say well Buddie hasn't really had a will they/won't they because it wasn't explicit in the show. Buck and Eddie have never been written as just friends. Go compare them to Chim and Hen's friendship. There has always been more there between them always. Again if this was a straight couple people would be complaining constantly wondering why they weren't together yet. They don't have to be kissing for it to be a slow burn. They've done everything but though. I mean what do you call that scene in the kitchen in 3x09? Eddie literally put Buck in his will. He told Buck he trusts him above anyone else with Chris. Buck sobbed when he knew Eddie was going to be okay after he was shot (he's never reacted that way over anyone else on the show getting hurt). Eddie counted the seconds when Buck wasn't breathing. These two men love one another they just haven't admitted it yet.

We don't need more time to tell this story. 911 hasn't always gotten it right (see the weird Vertigo story) but when it's good it can be fcking amazing. The shooting eps are some of my fav eps of tv ever and not just of 911. I have faith in Tim and the show. Tim has wanted to put Buck and Eddie together for a long time and I know he knows he only has one chance to tell this story and get it right. I have faith that him and the actors and writers will do the story justice however it gets told. I know they know it means a lot to so many people. And you know the truth is we're lucky that our ship is even at this point. That we can all debate about how Buddie canon should happen because we're all so sure now that it is in fact happening. Cause the show was very close to ending on a finale that had Buck and Eddie ending up with other partners. Buddie would have only been able to continue to live on in fanon. Instead I truly believe we are months away from the show making history.

[scoobydoodean]

Sometimes Dean saying Purgatory felt "pure" is used to invalidate that experience as traumatic, which clearly isn't supposed to be the message here. We see Dean's hypervigilence after he returns and how Sam notices it while not wanting to. We see Dean say Purgatory changed him (implying not for the better to Sam and to Benny). We can see that he's rough around the edges—having trouble comforting Kevin despite being the only person who cared enough to find and check up on him because he's spent the last year fighting for his life and having to let everything happen to him wash over him and just survive. Dean thinks Cas died in Purgatory. He reports he was perpetually trapped in 360 degree combat and we see that he can't relax. When he shows back up topside, he can't sleep or eat at first. He zones out. He and Benny both celebrate that they made it out.

Dean saying Purgatory felt "pure" isn't to say it wasn't traumatic or that he isn't overtly experiencing PTSD. It's that the weight of the world wasn't on his shoulders anymore. Dean spent all of season 7 suicidally depressed, drinking to the point Sam "joked" that alcohol was basically a vitamin to Dean at this point. The season started with Death blaming Dean for what Cas did—telling Dean it was his fault because he failed to figure out Death's incredibly unhelpful hints and stop his best friend from going nuclear. That one conversation (and then everything that piled on top) cut Dean so badly that he never fully recovered. Dean spent the season losing faith and trust, feeling hopeless and helpless, but like the whole world was his responsibility anyway... and there was nothing he could do to save it. He couldn't even save his own best friend. His brother was dying because of what his best friend did. His adoptive dad was killed. Every single time Dean indicated that he needed help he was brushed off or told to suck it up and he wanted to die. So yeah—when Dick was dead and Dean landed in Purgatory, despite the fact that Dean was actively living more trauma, he appreciated the simplicity. All he had to worry about was himself, Benny, and Cas. He didn't have to worry about cosmic beings blaming him for the state of the world. He didn't have to worry about Sam or some apocalypse looking on the horizon. All he had to worry about was living—and what a rush it must have been to realize that despite everything—he wanted to live—that he would fight and kill to survive—to keep being alive. So yeah—Purgatory felt pure. And that is SO sad when you think about it.

[thefrontmanscockwarmer]

Hi I LOVE how you write!!!!

Could you do Fluff In ho x reader where reader lives with her parents but they have a bad relationship where they don't treat her right and are always making coments about her and her body and one day after a right reader calla In ho crying saying she can't take it anymore and begs In ho to take her away and he is at reader's front door in less than 10 minuts and decides that reader is saying with him and make reader feel better and forgets about all the thing that they said about her. thanks <3

Somewhere In the Middle

Player 001 x reader [FLUFF] 🎀

Masterlist <- comment here to be added to the Taglist

You’d met In Ho a while back at a birthday party, some colleague of your dads. He stood by you at first, sipping slowly on his champagne while you did the same.

“Some party, huh?” He whispered to you. You nodded, smiling back. “Hello, I’m Hwang In Ho, I don’t believe I’ve seen you at the station before, are you new?” You laughed,

“No, my dad is (l/n) (f/n)” you pointed to your now drunken father who was dancing with your mom. His smile shining brightly, a good mask he was wearing.

“Oh! He never mentioned a daughter as beautiful as you” he said with a shocked expression. You looked down, you didn’t feel beautiful.

“Thank you”

That was then. Now, you almost 19 and still in high school, your late birthday holding you back. You walked inside and set your shoes quietly on the rack.

“Well, look who it is” your mother sighed, looking at your soaked body and clothes. “You missed dinner”

“You didn’t wait?” You asked hurt. You shouldn’t be surprised.

“No, of course not. You’re always late. And you’re soaking my floor. Go to your bedroom. Get those clothes off before you ruin the rest of the house” your mother spat harshly. You weren’t always late, it was raining. The buses were full, the trains were full. You had walked 10 miles to get home. In the pouring rain.

“While you’re at it, can you make sure your room is picked up? It’s an eyesore” you dad added from the table.

“My door is never open” you answer.

“Don’t talk back.” Your father whipped his head to look at you. “Such a wretched girl” your heard him mutter as you shuffled past. Your clothes stuck to your skin.

You returned a moment later. Looking through the fridge and microwave for food. Your mother eyes you carefully.

“Dinner is gone. We finished it” she said pointedly. You dropped your shoulders. Looking at her sorrowfully.

“You didn’t save me any?” You nearly cry. This was the third day in a row that you had barely eaten.

“No, we didn’t. You weren’t here on time, dinner is over. You know the rules, late for dinner nothing for the rest of the day” she answered.

“B-b-but, I haven’t eaten in three days, ma” you tell her. She shrugged.

“You should eat more” your father spoke. “You’re too thin, not attractive.”

“No, she’s too fat. Not attractive.” Your mother countered. She pulled up your shirt, pointing to your visible ribs and pronounced pelvis. “I suppose you’re right.

“How am I supposed to eat more when you don’t save food for dinner or wait for me?” You ask. Your feelings hurt as you snatched your shirt down.

“You know the rules (y/n)” your dad sighed looking back at his newspaper. “Figure it out”

“Dad! Are you being serious?” You question. “You guys are terrible parents” you utter quietly.

“What did you say?” Your father said as your mother gasped.

“I said you guys are terrible parents” you say with determination and walk away, leaving them before you broke down in tears. You threw yourself onto your bed, snatching your phone quickly. Failing the only number you knew.

“Hello?” In Hos voice came through the phone.

“In Ho…” gasped through your tears. “I need you to come get me. They’re terrible, I haven’t eaten in days, I’m starving” you began ranting through your tears.

“I’m on my way” was all he said. You awaited his arrival, only grabbing your backpack phone and charger. A text came in five minutes after the phone call ‘I’m here’ is all it said. You left your room, walking past your parents, ignoring calls of your name.

His car sat idol in the rain as he stood by your door. You ran and jumped into his arms, sobbing hard in his shoulder. He rubbed your hair gently, coaxing you with soothing words.

Timeskip:

You lay curled up into him. Players of food surrounding you, cans of coke scattered on the bedside table. Sighing heavily as you watched Fast and Furious.

“When do I go home?” You ask him with tear filled eyes.

“You’re not going back there” he said, his eyes burning yours with an intensity that you felt in your soul. “You will never go back there. They’re terrible don’t treat you right, you’re underfed, your clothes are raggedy, you’re too young and beautiful” he gently kissed the top of your head.

“I’m not beautiful” you mumble.

“Yes you are. You have always been beautiful. Ever since I first met you, you’ve always been beautiful. You are attractive, you are what I need in my life.” He said with finality. His words echoed in your heart. Reverberating through your body. I am beautiful. You repeated to yourself.

Taglist:

@christinamadsen @sebbymybaby21 @player279achlys @galaxygurlll @whamzou @watasinekoru @angelofthorr @amandalol1414 @supersonika143 @cathers-world @motchipotchi

[genericpuff]

💣💥💣💥💣

so with Episode 67 finally posted and the dust settled, I wanted to share some funny behind-the-scenes stuff with you all.

Clip Studio is a great piece of software, it's what allows Banshriek and I to work on the same episode together via cloud-syncing (it's a function called "Teamworks" in the app) but it's also... kind of garbage sometimes. Without getting too much into it, CSP has a bottleneck issue with how it predominantly uses CPU rather than the graphics card in a computer. And considering it's literally graphics software, yeah, you can probably figure out pretty quickly with the most bare minimum of computer knowledge why this is a problem that's really silly for it to have LOL

ANYWAYS. This has been known to cause problems between Banshriek and I when trying to complete an episode. Problems that - often enough for me to tell you stories about it - result in us having to essentially "rebuild" the episode we're working on. This doesn't necessarily mean having to redraw anything (thankfully that doesn't happen very often) but it usually goes down something like this:

1.) The software suddenly has an issue syncing our changes which results in either conflicted files that can't update, software crashes that refuse to load pages, updates not even going through, or taking WAY too long to update to the point that we'd rather just rebuild and work on the episode independently and then swap the files and layers when it's time for the other person to do their part.

2.) I have to inform Banshriek that Clip Studio crashed again, and in the event that I can't get back into page editing because of the aforementioned issues ^^^ they immediately get to backing up their most recent version of the file that's stored on their computer. Thankfully a lot of the time these versions are pretty up to date, but it's still a moment of tension every single time because these crashes don't always happen the same way every time.

3.) Using the backup version, a new .cmc file (the file that contains every page for each episode, it's the thing that lets you make pages for comics in the software!) is created by whoever has access to the pages without issue (usually Banshriek is the one who's able to do it, this has become a very one-sided problem LMAO) and then is sent to me so that I can upload it to the cloud to replace the old version. This file is then usually called something like "Episode#BACKUP" to distinguish between both versions as we usually still have the older versions downloaded as well.

4.) Work (hopefully) continues as normal. Though it's definitely caused setbacks, so far our survival rate is still 100% 😆

This happens at least every other episode. It's become rare to go a whole episode without having to go through this process. We're still trying to figure out what we can do to avoid it, but we've tried a bunch of other options (and Banshriek has created some test episodes using pages from completed episodes that crashed for the sake of experimenting) and so far it's still a struggle understanding what exactly is going wrong with Clip Studio and it's syncing features. Fortunately, Banshriek and I are both auDHD enough that we're gonna obsess over it until we figure it out LMAO but until then, we're constantly having to treat Clip Studio like a live snake that's trying to wrangle itself out of our hands 💀😆

And the most recent episode? Episode 67, which ran a week and a day late? It set a new personal best for number of backups, because we had to rebuild it not just once, but TWICE.

What we've noticed is that sometimes you can barely make a change to an episode and these crashes still happen, as if major changes have been made. So far the best hypothesis Banshriek has come up with regarding this observation is that the software struggles more to update changes that affect overall pixel count and appearance - stuff like moving canvases, flipping canvases, adding on textured layers (which is what we do at the end of making each page) , etc. that covers a lot of pixels at a time, even if it's only changing the hues / colors slightly, seems to cause the most problems.

During the production of Episode 67, the following plagues came to pass:

Our car exploded

Our cat nearly exploded (btw! for anyone wondering from my last post about him, he's doing better now!)

Our toilet pipes froze twice (and exploded once)

Democracy in the U.S. exploded

My husband's wisdom teeth were exploding so the last 3 of them were removed all at once

The files for Episode 67 exploded twice and had to be rebuilt just to keep it on life support (by the end of the episode we were literally sending files back and forth via Google Drive like peasants 😔 /hj)

The most non-explosive thing to happen was the tattoo shop I work at moving locations up the street, and even then, I came very close to exploding a few times during that process LMAO (and our debit machine just exploded so we're cash only for the next few days sksksks)

This episode was probably our most cursed yet, and frankly, it couldn't be more fitting, I think Dionysus himself had a hand in our madness, just for the sake of being on theme with this episode. And the worst part, we haven't even gotten into the truly chaotic stuff yet. All Dionysus has done so far is slam Hades' head into a table, he's barely gotten started. Dionysus only knows what Episode 68 has in store for me and Banshriek as well 😭💀

[luckypunklemonade]

| "I'm Going Nowhere You Won't Find Me."

[Smut MDNI 18+; Established relationship; fem!reader; 3k words] BackwardsCap! Stiles Stilinski didn't mean to worry you. Don't worry, he'll make amends.

This work belongs to me, luckypunklemonade (Minte_Condition on AO3). I do not give anyone permission to distribute or share my work without consent.

“You could’ve gotten shot?!”

You slapped the table, standing up as Scott spouts excuses. All “I didn’t even want to go in!” and Stiles counters with “Scott found the key! And he wasn’t gonna shoot me!”

You shake your head, trying not to overreact and deciding between if it’s okay now that they’re here and safe or if you should freak out. “Are you kidding?”

Stiles followed your unsure train of thought, “Look, we talked to him, and we left. He was never really gonna shoot us.”

You brushed him off and uncomfortably kept your eyes out the window into the dark. Imagining a gun pointed at your boyfriend and his best friend was already scary, given how often it could happen. He didn’t seem to understand your anxieties being on the outside. He thought the fact that it was over would calm you down. You did, too. 

Your big issue was that he didn’t tell you he was about to enter a dangerous situation. You knew what you signed up for in being his girlfriend, but that was one of your requests. That he at least told you so you weren’t left with nothing. He promised you would never be in the dark if he could help it. It was a mutual agreement that you could help, so he’d trust you, and you’d trust him You weren’t mad, but you couldn’t articulate just how you felt. You figured you’d be able to after a night's rest and then some.

“You guys need to get home. It’s late, and your parents are probably worried and clueless.”

Scott nodded and grabbed his coat, but Stiles stood firm in front of you.

“C’mon, can we talk?”

He stepped up to you, hands sliding around your waist and asking for your attention.

You ignored the ploy, “Did you drive Scott here?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, get him home. It’s too late to be out in this town. Please.”

“Okay, okay,” he noted the frantic tone in your voice, emphasized by how much you knew about the supernatural in this town from him. Stiles grabbed his keys and walked with Scott outside. “Love you, honey.”

“Love you.”

And then he came back. You were lying in bed, taking deep breaths and winding down when he knocked. You shot up, sifting through what you know about the supernatural for something that could mimic his knock. You padded over the cold floor to the door and looked through the window at the top. It was Stiles. Of course, it was Stiles.

You opened the door, and Stiles stepped inside without hesitation. As you were closing and locking the door, he pulled you by the waist into him. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Don’t be mad at me.”

“Stiles, I’m not mad. I just- I wish I weren’t left so clueless. I hate looking stupid, and then you come to me with something like this. I would feel much better if I had known you were going into that, I could’ve been prepared.”

Stiles smoothed your hair behind your ears, “I know it was stupid, and you should not have to suffer because of it.”

“I’m not saying you can’t go out and do whatever you want like you did before. I won’t ever want to change that. I don’t want to be the overbearing girlfriend who mothers you. I’m just– What if you go out there and get shot or hurt or worse, and I’m not there to help? I don’t want to be clueless and helpless when it comes to you. You know I’ll always be here for anything, and I can try to chill out, but-“

“Listen, you don’t need to do anything. I didn’t text you. That’s my fault. I agreed to let you know if I had planned anything stupid and failed. I wish you wouldn’t have to worry, but I’d do the same thing if it were reversed. I’m glad I have you on my side, okay? I’ll do better, I’m sorry.”

You huffed, not satisfied with him taking the full weight of shame that comes with an apology. “I just care about you. And Scott. I guess.”

He smiled and kissed your cheek, “Thank you.”

Another kiss, followed by several more peppered around your face, punctuated with, “Thank you, thank you, thank you-“

You cracked a smile and limply attempted to push him away. He shook his head, languidly walking you back from the front door into the kitchen. His lips followed in pace, listlessly pressed against your temple. 

“I should’a known better. Should’a known you wouldn’t be satisfied with that.” He mumbled as he guided your hips to the counter. “Not my girl.”

“Well, it’s your girl’s bedtime.”

Stiles kissed behind your ear, just where he could reach, while he spoke in your ear. His voice was the same tone he used when he spoke up an innocent excuse, just a few octaves lower and so, so close. “Is it?”

“Yes, and you know how I get without sleep.”

You could practically hear him bare his teeth in a grin, his fingers tracing just beneath the hemline of your shirt, “How do you get?”

You laughed and pulled his hands away from your stomach, holding them in yours. He looked down at you, barely hiding how his eyes flicked to your lips every few seconds before ducking his head down into your neck. He subconsciously leaned into you, pressing your lower back into the counter. You felt him inhale deeply, his lips pressed into a spot just under where you applied your perfume. He went after the scent, however faded it was, and you felt him push his face deeper. His nose, his broad smile, his eyelashes all against your neck. He licked that spot on your throat before kissing it gratefully. His head dipped with each movement of his jaw, sucking at the point where he could feel your pulse on his lips. His fingers aimlessly tangled with yours on the counter behind you.

You had to give it to him. He could be reckless. Sometimes, it was hard to be his girlfriend, but he always made it up to you. He’d realized how little he’d been getting a hold of you and spend the next few days and nights with you, making sure you could see how much he loved you. He was erratic, but he wasn’t inconsistent with that part. He wasn’t on and off checking texts or stopping by; he was always committed to that, and it never stopped, but there were exceptions. Of course, you knew what you signed up for. He was worth it, you trusted him, and he was really good at making it up to you.

You brought your hand to the back of his neck, knocking his baseball cap sideways on his head. “M’sorry.”

Stiles bent slightly, hooking his hands on the backs of your thighs and lifting you up to sit on the counter. His smile hooked at the side, making every look of insane emotion sort of playful. He reached up, taking the hat off when you stopped him, “Keep it on.”

“Yeah?” His smirk grew more confident, a look you didn’t often see on the genuine side.

“Mhm. It’s hot.”

Stiles’s smile broke into a grin, although he was sort of distracted by the hickeys he’d left on your neck. Repeating what you say as fact, he let his eyes wander, “It’s hot.”

Your laugh pulled him back in, along with you grabbing a fistful of his flannel, “Very hot, sweetheart. Can you please fuck me now?”

It took him a second to think of a response, of course, after every thought he had was replaced with your words. “I can definitely do that.”

You helped him take his shirt off, repositioning the hat backward on his head after his shirt hit the floor. He smiled as you kissed his cheek and hooked your thumbs under his jeans, Mumbling against your lips as they traveled across his face and down to his neck, touching down every so often. Mumbling about how he’d wear whatever you told him if you liked it. Stopping you from doing any heavy lifting, he gently withdrew your hands from his waistband and led you to crawl into your bed. Instructing you to just sit there and look pretty, he slowly stepped out of his jeans and kneeled on the bed to help you with your shirt. At the pace he had going, by the time he had his eyes glued to your chest, you were already pushing your shorts down. When he saw your impatience, he chuckled and watched you struggle to maneuver them off underneath him. You huffed and gave up, moving your arms out of the way. 

“Atta girl.”

Your interest in his new look made him cocky. The attitude that came with it was no doubt attractive. You found yourself searching for more openings for him to use his confidence and for you to encourage it. You started by humming at the praise, watching him drop your shorts off the side of the bed. At the same time Stiles leaned down to kiss you, your hands flattened against his lower stomach, against his happy trail. You both let out respective sounds of need, and Stiles’s hips lowered between your legs. With the feeling of his dick through the thin material of his boxers came your hips bucking softly. He opened his mouth and closed his eyes slowly, huffing out what was going to be a grunt. “Shit, honey. You make it so easy, don’t you?”

You hummed in response, letting him press himself into you and tell you fondly exactly what a guy like him should do to keep a girl like you happy. “I didn’t just know what I should just do with you, y’know. I thought about it a lot.” Stiles’s mouth turned up when he saw you weren’t really focused on his words. He leaned in, “Like a lot.”

“Mhm, just—“

“Alright, I know. You like it when I talk to you, though, right?”

“Yeah, honey. I like it.” You smiled up at him, the gears turning in his head. Stiles slowly dipped his head to your chest, sucking another mark into where the skin got plush. His eyes tracked yours, doing as much as he could while keeping your eyes on him. You’d been so frustrated lately, not just with Stiles. School issues, problems at work. The stress was irritating, but you couldn’t imagine what Stiles was going through. That understanding was a bare minimum in your mind, but for Stiles, you were the most considerate person in the world. He didn’t want to make you feel like he was just using you because you were available. So, he made sure to check every box he could for you. 

“Fuckin’ love you.” He bit the breath coming out into his lip, and his eyelashes fluttered. He was doing everything to keep his eyes open and watch you. You mumbled it back, eyes squeezed shut as he thrust steadily, but he leaned his way into kissing your temple. “What was that? I’m sorry, honey, I can’t hear you.”

You cracked a smile; that’s all he wanted, but you ventured to use your hand buried in his hair to push his head back down so that his ear was by your lips. You held down a moan, replacing it with, “I love you, too.”

It came out with the same needy tone, though, and he found your mouth to kiss his smile onto yours. While he took a second to hold himself up and take a deep breath, your cheek rested against his wrist. When he felt you gently take his wrist between your teeth jokingly, he looked down and chuckled. “I deserve that. I’ll be a better boyfriend, promise.”

“Honey—“ You began, not wanting him to wallow in self-created guilt.

“I know, but still. Just let me…” Stiles’s smile opened as he moved his hips forward, hand molded around your thigh. He pushed himself deeper into you, eyes erratically trying to find something to focus on. Your face, your chest, your hands, down to where you took his dick so well, his eyes got overwhelmed. But he wasn’t going to close them. He’s not an idiot. He couldn’t figure out which would make him cum first. Closing his eyes and imagining you doing the thousand other things you had talked about, or keeping them open and watching you try to smile up at him through the haze, also struggling to keep your eyes up. It didn’t help that you tend to whine for him, showcasing how blank your mind really was. His thumb was less circling your clit than just trying to savor how messy he’d gotten you. He fed into his curiosity, which he would’ve done regardless of how good it made you feel, but especially because you arched your back off of the bed and pushed your hips up, meeting his thrusts, letting him bury himself deeper. 

He encouraged you, feeling the need start to deepen, pushing him harder. He was driven, you’d told him, thank god he didn’t gamble. Anything verbal was hopeless. He just mumbled emphatically at each movement. He opened his mouth, a clue he was almost there. He just needed a little more. Just having him like that made you clench yourself around him, moaning when he almost lost his hold of himself above you. 

“You gotta…” He almost ’woofed’ out his breath. “Fuck, honey, y’take it so good.”

His voice cracked on ‘honey,’ and you could see it sort of shook his confidence. He’d never really said anything like that with you. He was the first in the relationship to be vocal about most things. He said he loved you first, despite all the inner turmoil, even if it was sort of an accident. It was your encouragement that made him say it, your reaction to his confident demeanor. You saw an opening to make him feel good about himself; you took it. His eyes closed, gears turning and undoubtedly overthinking what he just said, but you said his name, prompting him to open his eyes and look at you.

With a sort of assured grin, you nodded at him, “Keep going. Wanna hear how well I take it.” 

He mirrored your smile, getting shy about it, but his next thrust had him to the hilt and holding it there. You yelped a little at the feeling of him holding you, of him driven into you and bracing you while you squirmed. You moaned, and he twitched, hearing it sound like he’d knocked the wind from you. “Look at you. Fuck, you’re doing so good. Just like that for me.”

Mewling his name, extremities limp, you let him see exactly how much you liked seeing him try new things. He liked the way you tightened around his dick when he pushed himself inside little by little until you started to reach for his arm, and he’d stop there. You strained a little, taking deep breaths, the muscles in your stomach contracting and squeezing your cunt around him. You came around him, cursing and fawning. Stiles let out a groan that turned into useless and incomprehensible praise. His hips slowly retracted, slowly met yours again, speeding up until he found the release he was chasing. He struggled to keep the pace, though. He’d revert back to his other method, get restless, and try to keep up with his needs. 

When Stiles came, his chest was pressed down against yours. All he had to do was turn his head, and he was kissing your neck again, breathing harshly. He built up the strength to roll over beside you and rest his head on your shoulder. He looked up at you with a little exhaustion when you sat up and brushed your fingers through his hair, the baseball cap forgotten for the time being. His fatigue was clear in his voice when he spoke, and he let his head roll off of your shoulder. “I’ll be better.”

You tilted your head, about to comment how what he just did was pretty damn good, but more than grateful he could recognize how stressed his being in danger made you. You leaned down to kiss his nose, laughing when he tried to croon his neck so that you met his lips. You reached over the side of the bed, your fingers finding the soft material of Stiles’s shirt and pulling it over your head. You managed to find his boxers as well, frowning when a hand took them from you. Stiles put them back on, still lying down and tired. You moved to sit on your heels next to him on the bed, your hand softly tracing shapes into his chest. Stiles tried really hard to keep his eyes open, but you ran your hand over his torso and up through his hair in a way you knew would put him out. He tried to keep talking, but every “mhmph” felt like a monumental effort from his entire body. He ended up letting you trace the veins on his arm while he listened to you, being soothed to silence and held just over the edge of sleep by your voice and your hands. When you finally lay down next to him, Stiles had fallen asleep. He liked waking up to find you had slid yourself into his arms after making him so pliable. Of course, you got a notification and had to check it before you went to sleep for the night, and, of course, it was Scott. He was asking why Stiles hadn’t been responding to his calls or texts and that he had a few ideas they could look over with Derek. You messaged him back that he’d been busy. That you both had been busy with heavy implications in the message. You sent a picture of Stiles fast asleep to help explain how you had put him to bed. Scott’s plain reply of “oh” was enough closure for you to put the phone down for the night. 

[thedeadtalker]

-my grandfather was 8 when he and his family were rounded up on the Oregon coast, kept in a livestock pen for 3 very rainy days, then put into a cattle car to be carried out to the reservations in the east.

-my grandmother had two brothers and sister who were sent to mission school and never returned. They said they ran away. They lied.

-My mom remembers when Indians got enough citizenship to vote in Oregon. She describes her parents and their friends discussing if the should do it -vote -or if it was trick to register them.

-My friend took his grandmother out for her 100th birthday. He asked her what she thought were the most important things to happen during her lifetime. She told him: free wifi and the legal end of segregation.

-I remember those fucking nuns in mission school. I only went 1 year when the laws changed and we could go to other schools. We could live with our parents and ride a bus to school and back again and sleep that night in our own home. I remember that, you fuckers.

-I remember that my mom and two of her sisters gave birth in a hospital connected to the mission, and they didnt know for years that they'd gotten botched steralizations against their wishes and without their knowledge. I remember my parents desperatly trying to have more children. Theyd always wanted a bunch of kids. The house my dad built had many empty guestrooms. Eventually they sold it. I remember my mom having to have a hysterectomy 2 years ago because of all the health problems caused by the fucked up surgery. I remember sitting in a meeting and one of the nurses there having to put me through a fainting protocol because i got a text from my stepfather that during the hysterectomy they discovered one of mom's damned ovaries was just fucking gone. I wonder sometimes if some sick fuck retired doctor kept a genuine Indian ovary in a jar in his office. I wonder if his nazi kids and grandkids pull it out to show to guests as a conversation point. I think about how whites were paid piecework for Indian scalps amd seeing one dried out and leathery in an antique store in a small town in Idaho. There is evil in the Americas. The nazis were here long before they were ever in Europe.

- I remember my highschool history teacher showing us the number tattooed on his wrist. I remember him showing us all these recordings of ordinary German citizens talking about how they didn't see anything wrong happening. How there must have been some sort of perfecrly mundane reason for the endless smoke pouring from the ovens in the camp up in the hill. How it was all just politics. How they were reassured that all the people who were taken had just moved in the night, or were much happier wherever they'd gone to. "But you saw them all: the Jews, the other prisoners going into the camp. But you never saw them leave. Didn't you think that was odd?" "We just figured they'd moved from the camp in the night while we were sleeping." "Where?" "What do you mean?" "Where did you all think they went -in the middle of the night?" "Oh. We didn't know." "Didn't you wonder?" "Why would we?"

- I remember that same teacher explaining how the nazis had gotten a lot of their ideas from the US government's Native American policy. The death camps were modelled after our reservations. The dehumanizing and the stories of savages/gremlins that ate white babies and were less than human were based on the clever marketing campaign set up to not just enable the settler take over, but used to unite the fragmented people of newly forming colonial nation. He fucking showed us. There is publically available documentation of all of this.

-I remember getting put on the no fly list. I remember finding out about it because when we tried to buy tickets for the whole family to travel down to New Mexico for my granduncle's funeral the whole purchase was bounced. We were told why that might be the case so we tried seperate purchases for everyone. Me. It was me. Several years later my roommate's family friend -an old white guy with some pull, found out why. I was teaching K-3 and moonlighting as a computer programmer back then. And I'd printed some photos of holidays around the world to share with my students on the same computer I wrote code from. My own computer, in my own office, in my own home. He said it also didn't help that I wasn't white.

-I remember that fucker's first time in office: I remember seeing my coworker snatched from the elevator by ice agents and shoved into an unmarked van. He was a 3rd generation American.

-I remember having to warn the non-white, non-abled, non anything a nazi would want to gas you for residents of the dvsat shelter we worked with to not go out at night, not go out alone, not walk on these specific streets or go into these specific shops. I remember the time a native Hawaiian chick on my caseload didn't come back when expected and everyone was out of their mind with worry. She came back, tear-streaked and shaking, and told us about how she'd gotten lost (not in Hawaii any more, Dorothy) and ended up in one of the neighborhoods she was supposed to avoid, and being chased by some of the proud boys that patrolled our city streets in their ridiculous be-flagged pickups, and how some nearby restuarant diners had rushed her into the restuarant, and the staff there had hid her in the pantry, and all the diners lied and said they hadn't seen her. My teacher read Anne Frank to us in 6th grade. Do they still read that in schools?

-I think about that time I went into a DMV and the woman behind the counter told me to "sit over there," next to two men, and well away from the other patrons. Then a highway patrol officer came over and told us to go with him. In the parking lot he explained that he'd been called to take us to an immigration detention center. But instead he directed us to a "safe" DMV 40 miles away and walked away muttering about having had it up to here with those idiots in there. The two American Samoan men started laughing. Honestly, I didn't feel like laughing. I didn't feel like anything. I was thinking about the mission school and wondering if the detention center looked like it had.

-I've spent the last couple of weeks handing out flyers in different languages. I don't use an interpreter. I have no way of knowing if I can trust them. But somehow I manage to convey to the people I visit in field hand huts and steamy laundries that they are in a sanctuary state and what that means. That no one in our offices will turn them away or turn them in. At least I hope Im conveying that. Then I tell them, using paper language dictionaries if needed (librarians are superheros) how to get away, who to talk to, how to find the big dipper. I think a lot of my high school history teacher and those faded numbers on his wrist.

Oh I know they're coming for me first. Im your canary.

[cntloup]

toji x fem!reader

angst, bold italics indicate flashbacks, parenthesis are the character's thoughts

this pic of him makes me sooo 😵‍💫🥵

if anyone knows the artist, please let me know 🙏🫶

it's a saturday night and you've been invited to a ball tonight by your close friend, shiu.

you thought what would be better than to unwind with some friends after a long week. what you didn't think would happen was to see him.

you mentally curse shiu for not mentioning anything about him coming here. you thought it was a given that he wouldn't invite both of you.

you spent months crying, trying to get over that guy. and now, he's standing right in front of you, looking dashing as ever, in a suit no less.

you suddenly feel nauseous, as if all the emotions you thought were gone kept rushing back to you.

"you'll have to excuse me..." you mutter lowly to shiu who was just about to introduce you to some clients as you ignore him calling out your name and quickly walk out of the venue, mustering all your power to keep yourself from having a full-blown breakdown in the middle of the room.

as soon as you walk out the door, you break into uncontrollable sobs and start hyperventilating, clutching your chest in a desperate attempt to calm your pounding heart.

"hey... you ok?" suddenly, the world stops... and there's only that voice, the one you know all too well and haven't heard in over a year.

"the hell does that mean?!" he barks at you, his blood boiling as pure rage fills the hollow shell of suppressed emotions, trying to bury the bitter taste of heartbreak.

"I've tried, toji. I really have, to make it work. but I don't feel like you love me. you say you do, but they're just words. I feel like I'm just a maid. and a mom to megs. I don't feel loved for me. I don't feel like myself anymore..."

you let out a gasp and your head turns around as if on autopilot until your eyes meet his.

his already concerned expression softens even further as soon as he witnesses your disheveled look, bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks which he has caused.

he feels the gnawing grasp of guilt in his heart for hurting you like this, all the memories of him in the past year coming back to him, how he was absolutely and completely shattered to pieces over your breakup. and now he can only imagine how it must have been for you.

he was an absolute wreck after you; always beating himself up over pushing you away so much to the point that you doubted his love, ('how did we end up like this?') he kept drinking his sorrow away until he blacked out every night and gambled all his money away even more so than usual without a care which shiu noticed and toji figures now that must have been the reason why he invited both of you.

you were his everything. you proved him wrong when he thought he was done with love after the death of his wife. you dragged him out of the pit of despair and held him through the turmoil, in your loving embrace which became his home.

the silence weighs heavy on your chest, thick tension filling the room as the leaden weight of the words that have just been uttered settles in your heart, and his.

"y-you're leaving?" his quivering voice is laced with a bleak desperation, as if trying to grasp at even a sliver of hope that this is not happening, his worst nightmare.

"goodbye, toji." you swallow the lump in your throat, 'I will always love you...' the words play out in your mind, but they never leave your mouth.

"what are you doing here?" you wipe the tears furiously with your hands as you think he shouldn't see you like this, ('please hold me')

"I could ask the same thing." he takes a step closer to you, carefully as if not to scare you away, ('still love you...')

"fuckin' shiu..." you shake your head, ('can't live without you')

he chuckles dryly, ('take me back please... i promise to be better... for you, i will')

you both stand there, staring into each other’s eyes for what feels like an eternity, feeling yourself nearly getting lost in his eyes, before sensing a surge of emotions rushing into you and overwhelming your heart, causing you to avert your gaze from him and mumble a quiet 'I need to go' and quickly make your way towards your car before he has any time to react, ('please stay! curse me, hit me, anything! just please, stay!') still shocked by seeing you after so long when he thought he was over you. what a fool.

oh, how you wish you could have stayed. how you wish he wouldn't have let you go in the first place. and how you wish you had the heart to let it all out instead of just leaving...

you notice him running after you in the rear-view mirror, but you know it's too late now as you drive away with tears in your eyes, your loud sobs mixing with the roars of the heavy metal music playing in the car.

[cakerybakery]

Dinner was going well. Charlie was a bit surprised. Since Lucifer came to live at the hotel and Adam revived almost six months ago, nearly every meal had been a battlefield.

Alastor picking a fight with Lucifer. Lucifer and Adam at each other’s throats. And that was on top of various dramas involving overlords and sinners.

But things were settling down.

Even when Alastor was trying to get under Lucifer’s skin, Adam seemed to have taken over calming things down. If calming things down meant, telling Alastor to quiet his ass up and for Lucifer to sit his ass back down, then interrupting Alastor every time he tried to make an excuse with a, “kid, I told you to shut up.” Alastor usually vanished after that.

Alastor had left for the night when Adam asked for someone to please pass the salt.

Lucifer handed it to Charlie, “please pass this to your mother, would you, darling?”

“Sure— what did you say?” Charlie blinked as several people started to choke on their drinks or food.

“ADAM!” Lucifer gave a hysterical fake laugh. “Slip of the tongue! I forgot for a moment, we— that. It’s I— Adam! Help me out here.”

“Fuck, no!” Adam wheezed between laughs. “You’re on your own, daddy.” He teased.

Lucifer shot Adam a dirty look as Husk tried to dislodge a piece of chicken from Angel’s throat.

“You might as well tell her.” Adam said still trying to get his breath back.

“Tell me what?” Charlie asked, glaring accusingly at Lucifer, who still fumbled over his words.

“It’s— well. Uhhh. Charlie, darling.”

Charlie pulled away as Lucifer reach for her hand. “Don’t tell me you two are dating.” She wanted to be supportive but that set Adam off again and the colour drained from Lucifer’s cheek marks.

“NO!” Lucifer glared at Adam. “I was going to tell her when I was ready! Asshole.”

“Seriously. Tell me what?”

Lucifer reached for her again but pulled away and fiddled with his cuffs instead. “The divorce is finalized. We signed the paperwork this morning. I’ve been a little distracted, thinking about your mother. Adam had been helping me the last few weeks to get up the nerve to sign everything.”

Adam winked and shot her a finger gun. “Not my first divorce. Been married and divorced six times now. Figured helping him rip the bandage off would net me some of those good karma points or whatever.”

“Oh.” That was all? She knew this was coming. Lilith took off all those years ago and Charlie often told herself Lilith was doing something important, but there had been all the fights, and her mom stormed out, and the divorce papers in the mail.

She knew. But her heart kind of hurt anyway. Things were never going back to normal. To how they had been when she was a kid.

“That’s good news!” She did her best to put on a happy face. “You guys weren’t happy anymore. It’s better than being miserable together.” She tried to remember some of the “So your parents are getting divorced, Champ” pamphlets she’d read when the divorce papers first showed up.

Stuff like, ‘It’s not your fault mommy and daddy aren’t together,’ didn’t seem applicable right now, but, “Sometimes people just grow apart, Dad. And it’s better if you two can move on and find happiness again.”

“You’re taking this better than I thought.” Lucifer smiled softly at her.

“Told you.” Adam had settled back in the eat his food. “She a tough kid. You did a good job with her.”

Lucifer flushed gold. “I—uh, thank you?”

“No problem.”

Dinner settled back down and Adam got his salt, getting plenty of ribbing about Lucifer slip of the tongue in.

Charlie started to clear the table, it was her turn that night, and Adam and Lucifer gave her thanks before leaving and looking closer than they used to be.

“Daddy up for a movie?” Adam teased, jostling Lucifer’s shoulder as they left.

Lucifer snorted. “You’re not going to let that go are you?”

“Never.”

“Turn about is fairplay, mommy.”

She could hear them as they went down the hall.

“Bitch, you think that bothers me? I’m too awesome to care. Now answer the question.”

“Depends on if mommy wants to watch that crappy Titanic movie again or something good.” Lucifer teased.

Adam faked a gasp. “That movie is a classic! It’s cinematic perfection!”

They wandered too far for Charlie to hear anymore of their conversation. But it left her wondering. She shouldn’t assume, but it seemed funny to her that it took someone new in her father’s life for him to move past the divorce at last. Maybe they were just friends.

…

But the mommy/daddy thing was weird, right?

[kroommii]

If I Say I Love You

characters: Xavier x y/n genre: fluff

It all began last year’s Winter-Fest. It was yet the biggest celebration Xavier had ever seen and of course he would be helping his town to make it successful. The preparation was grueling, stressful with many revisions and re-checks but it was all worth it. Because of the preparation, the town’s income from the Winter-Fest would double last year’s according to the town’s treasurer and that’s great news to Xavier and the townsfolk.

Winter-Fest is a week-long celebration so the townsfolk would take turns in supervising the celebration, especially the town’s snowball field which is an absolute warzone. Tourists and townsfolk alike take part in the exhilarating snowball fight, where nobody is an ally and everyone’s open to fire. On this particular day, Xavier got the short end of the stick and was in charge of keeping the area injury-free.

Amidst the chaos of flying snowballs (and getting hit with some snowball himself), his attention falls onto a particular person. A young woman around his age, with mesmerizing eyes and flawless beauty. Instantly his attention zeroed in on you. It was like his mind was pulled towards you, ridding anything unimportant (everything but you) and filling his brain with you, you, you.

In that moment, he couldn’t feel anything but his beating heart, his fogging breath and your soft voice. Your cheerful face, the bounce on your step as you evade and run away from your friends who were throwing snowballs at you. Your bright laughter as you yourself throw snowballs at them. It was a scene he had seen countless times, but it just felt different when he saw you doing those gestures. It looks like a scene straight out of a fairy tale. A tale in which an angel from heaven (you) went down to earth and graced him with your ethereal presence.

He was so mesmerised that he didn’t pay attention to his surroundings when a ‘thud’ hit his face right on his cheek and it instantly froze him and brought him back from cloud nine.

“Hey bunny boy! Whatcha thinkin about that got you so out of it, huh?” Grandpa Howard’s voice shouted some meter away from him. He was probably the one who threw the snowball towards him.

“Oh Howard, don’t bother the poor boy. He’s already worked enough to be handling your noisy nose!” Grandma Julie, Grandpa Howard’s wife scolds him. “Xavier, darling, don’t pay him any attention. I’m sure you’ve had a hard time with us oldies, why don’t you go have some fun yourself, we’ll watch the crowd for you.”

Grandma Julie is always so kind to the youngsters around her. Xavier smiles, “No need Grandma Julie. I was just a bit distracted. I can go have fun later. Now, why don’t you and Grandpa Howard have fun? I see the others are waiting for you,” Xavier points out to the other seniors who’re looking at them.

“Oh such a sweet boy you are. Good luck on your job and don’t hesitate to tell us when you’re tired of it, don’t want you going down on us now would we, Howard?” Grandma Julie nudges Grandpa Howard.

“Sure, sure. Keep up the good work bunny boy!” He hollered to Xavier.

Watching the couple go back to their friends, Xavier had momentarily forgotten about you, the girl he fell head over heels with. Whipping around his face, his eyes frantically search for your figure. Alas, you have gone away, presumably with your friends, to continue your busy agenda in Winter-Fest. Xavier could only sigh as he already misses you, his eyes dropping and the cheer that was in his face diminished just a tad bit. He guessed he could see you more in the following days of Winter-Fest. It wasn’t a big town and it was just the second day of the celebration, you two would definitely meet again.

----------------------------

Except you didn’t.

Somehow, in the small area of Xavier’s town, he couldn’t even catch a glimpse of you at all. It didn’t make sense to him. In what chance would the world have for you two to not meet again for the rest of the week? Xavier already visited each stand everyday, loitering around the town when he’s not on duty and yet he still didn’t see even a strand of your hair. It was truly a slap from reality for Xavier. He knew you were not from around here (he had some info gathering) and you could leave any day, but when it was the end of the week and he hadn't met you at all, it really felt like a wake up call to him who wished too much (you).

Now, under the spring sky and the spring breeze dancin around his face, he couldn’t help but be gloomy about the circumstances of his love life. His hands unmotivated arranged the season’s flower into a pretty arrangement, but not as pretty as he would usually do. Usually, all the stems would be cut to a precision and the leaves are systematically cut and presented, but now the stems are cut neatly, not as precise and the leaves are more free and wild than what he usually presented. He was on a new low energy no doubt.

“If you’re keeping that up better for you to mess around in the garden rather than the station,” A warm voice and hand took the arrangement from his hands and distanced it from him.

“Ah… Jeremiah, welcome to the shop,” Xavier answered with the most bored voice ever.

“Seriously, what is wrong with you right now?” He nudges Xavier’s forehead with his index finger, causing Xavier to stumble back a bit. “You’ve been off since the Winter-Fest. Any news I’m supposed to hear about?”

Xavier huffs, “No. No news you need to be aware of.”

“Cut the crap. You’re clearly down from something and it’s dragging your performance down too. I need my assistant to be in tip top shape, so speak up, what got your heart all tangled up?” Jeremiah impatiently claps his hand and busy it with another arrangement.

Xavier huffs again and rests his arm on the counter to hold his head. He really doesn't want to share his little heartbreak-crush with his boss. Sure Jeremiah is his friend but he’s his boss right now and it makes him feel very weird about sharing his love life with his boss.

“You know I’ll wait here all day if you don’t spit it out soon. The sooner the better xavi. Also I’m sure you’re just itching to arrange another bouquet, don’t think I don’t see your hand playing with the scissor.” Jeremiah chipped in while focusing on his own arrangement.

“Fineeeee. I’ll tell you about my little thing, but just so you know it’s really weird to be talking about it with your boss.”

“Nothing’s weird. I’m your friend first and foremost. Being your boss is just a bonus so I can tell you to do things I don’t want to,” He smiles.

Xavier could only groan to the confession of his friend-boss. Still, he couldn’t hide the smile blooming on his face. His fondness for his friend-boss Jeremiah. A friend who had been there since they were little boys and a caring boss who teaches him everything he needs to know.

“If you’re really that curious, I just saw this pretty girl last Winter-Fest and couldn’t even introduce myself to her.”

And with that, the snipping that was rhythmic from Jeremiah stops. A couple of seconds later he chipped in, “So… you met a pretty girl and didn’t introduce yourself?” He said confused.

“No, no, no, it’s worse,” Xavier now fully hides his head behind his arms. “I just saw her. Didn’t even interact with her at all!”

While Xavier is lamenting his poor love life, Jeremiah was stifling a laughter behind the big flowers he’s arranging.

“Are you seriously laughing right now? I am heartbroken here. I couldn’t speak to the love of my life! It’s tragic Jeremiah! Not comedic!”

Jeremiah laughs more louder. “It’s just- it’s just so stupid!” He turned his head down, having trouble with containing his laughter. “You just saw her and didn’t say anything?”

“It’s not that I didn’t say anything. I saw her while I was on duty and before I could talk to her I was handling something and the next thing I know I couldn’t find her at all over Winter-Fest!” Xavier is now more animated than before, feeling strangely offended at Jeremiah laughing at his predicament.

“Oh, my man. You are a comedic genius, truly.” Jeremiah patted Xavier’s shoulder after calming himself down which was returned with a glare.

“Sure you weren’t able to talk to her then and couldn’t find her for the rest of the week, but you are really falling hard for this mysterious pretty girl aren’t you.”

“She is the love of my life, you don’t understand. She’s not from here and the only reason she was here was because her friend who was interested in Winter-Fest. She’s from the big city and there’s just no guarantee I would ever see her again in my entire life! It was a one in a million chance and I let it go.” he sulked.

Jeremiah groaned, “You can’t be serious Xav. You met her, what? One time and suddenly you’re soulmates? Honestly I thought you were more logical than romantic.”

“But she is my soulmate! I’m telling you, I have to find her again or I will never be able to live with myself ever again!”

“Then find her.”

The sudden statement snapped Xavier up from his rant. He looked at Jeremiah with big eyes and a confused look. “I will go to the city to find her?”

“No you dumbass,” Jeremiah sighed, hands itching to pinch the boy’s cheek. “She was here for the Winter-Fest right? Then wait until it’s Winter-Fest again and then try to find her.”

“But what if she’s not coming!? Again, she’s not from here and the only reason she was here was because of her friend.”

“Then hope she comes again.” Jeremiah concluded, before looking at Xavier. “Look Xavi, I’m really glad you finally have a crush, but it can’t derail you from your life. How about this, next Winter-Fest you won’t be a staff member? You’ll be a normal person enjoying the Winter-Fest just like her. That way, you can try to find her for a full week without any interruption, that good?”

Xavier stares at Jeremiah with hopeful eyes, “You promise that? But what about the labour? I know you can’t handle them all, even with the elders' help.”

Then, Jeremiah flashed a smirk, “That’s what the kids are for. I’ve been waiting for a chance to work them out. They’re too energetic for their own good. I mean, they were destroying all of my flowers all year round! Don’t think they can get away scot free from me.”

With that, Xavier relaxed his stance, his mind no longer running a thousand miles per hour. He can finally think clearly with the crashness of Jeremiah and he finally doesn’t feel like he’s running out of time to find you. “Thank you Jeremiah, you’re a real good friend.”

“That I am,” Jeremiah nodded. “But now, we have a shop to run, orders to process, and flowers to trim, so get your game in loverboy before I take back my words.”

----------------------------

Days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months. Within a blink of an eye, it’s once again Winter-Fest and the town is flocked with visitors from the pasts and new ones.

All the time away from you had given Xavier all kinds of ideas in his mind on how to approach you when you meet again. From flower arranging to making a full on song, Xavier had done it all. However, it was never the perfect gift from his perspective. You were his one in a million and he wouldn’t be content with giving you such normal gifts when you finally come back to him. The song he made was the best he could think of giving you and although he put a lot of time and all his efforts into it, he put it as plan b if he doesn’t come up with a better idea.

With Winter-Fest around the corner, he had no more time to think and he already ran out of ideas. Pacing around the shop, he brainstorms for another ten minute before Jeremiah shooing him out of the store. In his words, ‘Better be out there to see her than miss her in here. I do not need a year of your heartbreak’.

Amidst the white and blue hues of the snow, Jeremiah’s flower shop stands out with vibrant colourful flowers lining the front. Purple, yellow and pink are dominant as they are the freshest flowers in season. He gently cradles the flower heads, feeling their soft cold petals on his fingertips, caressing them as his mind was taken off from the anxiety of an imperfect first meeting.

Thud, a snowball came for Xavier’s head before crumbling onto his coat. He turned his head onto the source and found kids, teenagers, and adults playing in the snow field, specifically the ‘war area’. Every year the town would dedicate an area for snowball fights where all kinds of covers — battalions and base — are available. Xavier skimmed over the faces present in the field, all faces of joy. Some smiling, some grinning, some laughing maniacally as they hit another person right on their face, and some grimacing at the impact of the cleverly thrown snowball. Snowball fight might just be the most distinct part

“Hey you idiots! Don’t throw the snowballs here dammit! Stay in the war area for that!” Jeremiah’s booming voice called out to the kids in the war area who had thrown the snowball towards Xavier. His shouts were met with giggling from kids and some apologies from their guardians.

Reaching for the yellow flower that he was holding, he poked Jeremiah, “Hey, can I get some of these flowers.”

“Huh? Well you can buy it, sure.”

“How much do i need to be able to win a girl?”

“That,, why the hell are you asking me that???”

----------------------------

It took Xavier a couple of tries but thankfully he managed to do it before all his flowers were used. Xavier holds in his hands three snowballs that are just bigger than your normal ones. He sits on a bench away from the hectic festival life with discarded flower stems scattered around him on the bench. Also around him are crumbling snowballs and half made snowballs with a ruined yellow flower in them. He stares sadly at the ruined flower-snowball before gathering them to throw to the side of the road.

Now, the only thing he needs to do is to find you. His perfect gifts for the perfect first encounter is already in his hands, cradled carefully from the roughness of the world. He began his walk slowly to a more crowded area while also carefully maintaining his distance from other people in favour of protecting the snowballs filled with flowers he painstakingly made.

A couple of roads and areas later, he had not found you yet. He sadly had apparently lost one of the special snowballs when someone bumped into him and made him drop one of them. He started to think that maybe his thinking was just a delusion. You were an uptown girl, you went here once, why would you come here again. His spirits are truly in the down low now. He drags his feet as he circles around the war area, trying his best keeping his snowballs safe.

Just as he is ready to let you go and discard the special snowballs, he heard it. Your laughter, your voice, your magical spirit that just lights him up in an instant. He can see you now, more clearly than before thanks to your bright voice. There you are, standing in the war area, laughing while dodging snowballs and creating your own snowballs from the abundant snow around the area. You who are so happy throwing snowballs at each other with what he assumes are your friends, unaware of the boy who had yearned for her for the last year.

In an instant, without any thinking, he steps into the war area. His body doing its own thinking, moving his legs faster than he would normally, running through the area in hopes to get to you. His senses were like on fire, suddenly aware of everything around him, the coldness of the winter wind hitting his face, the soft snow under his boots slowly sinking under his weights, the whizzing air that follows after a snowball is thrown. His two hands tried their best at keeping the special snowballs intact.

Suddenly, he moves like a track and field athlete, cleverly dodging snowballs, leaping over fallen kids and makeshift barriers, ducking over an outstretched arm that is reaching or blocking a snowball from hitting their body. In the end, he is breathless, realising he doesn’t usually do much cardio while working in the flower shop. He is painfully aware of how pathetic he looks, hair and clothes messy because of his recklessness in crossing over the war zone, his hands that are now just holding one of his special snowball, the other one had been lost somewhere when he was rushing over, his erratic breaths trying to get oxygen in his lungs.

You now notice him, Xavier standing at arms-length from you. Your eyes wash over him like a blessing, lifting him spirits the more you see him. He knows this is far from the perfect first encounter he imagined but at this point he will take anything the world (you) will give him. Slowly, his hands stretch to show you the snowball. He slowly and carefully nudged the snow little by little until the petals of the yellow petal peek over the snow it was buried over. The yellow is like a splash of colour before the monochromatic cold tone around him. He smiles and your hand goes to receive the flower.

He opens his mouth to introduce himself…

[end.]

[blueberry016]

I took computers as an elective back in 8th grade specifically because I figured it'd be a more involved elective than my old school's elementary computer class. Nope; it was just as easy; and I was spending the good majority of my hours there doing fuck all because I finished early. Now; this class was hosted using Google Classroom; which also let me check in and do assignments earlier than intended. And me; being a kid who was tempted by the forbidden fruit of getting through a class months earlier than intended - went for it, and started doing assignments meant for the week ahead in one sitting. Fast forward to halfway through the class. I am months ahead of everybody else; but I've yet to complete the class as a whole for some reason. I go to check why; and what I see's fuckin' absurd. The assignment? To change my profile picture. One of the first assignments ever handed out in class; and one I knocked out immediately, or so I figured. Turns out; no. The teacher SPECIFICALLY noted that the change wasn't valid because I didn't run the image through the specific filter website she wanted us to use before uploading it.

Now; to any teenager or adult who knows their goddamn worth in their field: that reasoning reeks of bullshit. But I comply; begrudgingly, running it through the website and uploading it. The teacher still refuses to mark the assignment as done; after a few day's work. It's at this point I realized I was being deliberately neutered; in hindsight to not threaten the school's metrics. And I; being the shithead child I was - decided there was only one logical solution. Confront her over it in the middle of class. She doubled down; claiming the assignment somehow still wasn't valid; and I just fuckin'. Snapped; then and there; done with her bullshit. Five words came out of my mouth. "I wish I could slap you." As you can imagine; administration quickly got involved with her screeching about this. I was threatened with suspension; I THINK expulsion was tossed around once; while my mom scrambled to pick up the pieces of what the hell everything was about. Once she heard my side of things; though; it was very clear she knew the school was high on their own supply as well. Luckily for my dumbass; there was a bit of a "smoking gun" that made them shrivel up and backpeddle on making me out as a pariah. The communication about refusing to grade the one assignment was one thing; but what the district had a harder time weaseling out of was direct confirmation over email that this teacher went out of her way to ignore my IEP; which she was directly informed of. Rest of that semester I didn't have a class for that hour; and administration very clearly wanted me anywhere but the hallway she was in. Bonus: The middle child; my little brother; hit middle school a few years ago. Someone who either was ignorant of all of this or just didn't care decided to throw him into this teacher's homeroom class, which prompted my mom to pull rank with the admin again to switch things up to prevent any retaliatory funny business. She was not punished for any of this; best as we can tell.

when i was a kid i got a 90% on my kindergarten "what are your favorite things?" test because for the question "what is your favorite animal?" i wrote down "puma" and it got marked wrong because my teacher said a puma isnt even an animal its a kind of shoe