#we all create our boundaries and i get why one would never want to watch one of his movies

[variousqueerthings]

alda also sings a fair amount in woody allen’s “everyone says i love you” if that’s. of interest!

rip ngl i have been avoiding the woody allen movies. im not going to be putting money into his pockets, so it's not really an ethical thing, just dont look forward to seeing that guy's face.

may be time to bite the bullet with this news. mayhaps will take the time to do some important rl stuff at the same time so i can just focus in on whenever alan is doing something onscreen

[feminine-obedient-alexandra]

First Times

For a long time, i didn't understand what Men find hot about this. A girl licking a toilet or other non-sexual but icky things. But nowadays i know that it isn't about sex, it is about dignity. A normal person wouldn't lick the toilet, but a dirty whore would. That means by licking the toilet the girl admits to being a dirty whore. She shows that she has no boundaries, that she will do anything for him. Often it does not even matter what it is she does, as long as she does it because he wants it (and would never do it without him demanding it). And the more repulsive the action is, the more turned on the Man gets.

By debasing ourselves, by lowering ourselves to toilet licking whores, we can attract male attention. Every girl can look pretty in a dress, it is not that difficult. And while it is also not technically difficult to lick a toilet, most girls get stopped by their pride and dignity. Only by being able to overcome those burdens, we can show Men that we are worth their time. We can show them that we don't act inside the normal morals, that we are not like all the other girls, we are better, more fun. Of course, toilet licking is here just an example, not every Man will be into this particular action, but what they are into is into pushing the boundaries of what is considered "normal".

In that sense, it is kind of a test. A test if we are ready to submit or if our pride and dignity have ruined us. When it comes to sex Men have a very dirty and creative mind. There will always be new things that they invent. Just look at the porn industry. One would assume that by now every kind of porn has already been shot but yet the industry is booming with more and more videos coming out each day. Men don't want to let their sex life get stale, they need new things. So while it might have been enough to show some ankle 150 years ago, today Men need more. They need dirty sluts. They need us to throw away the "morals" of society and go the extra mile. Where it once has been showing some ankle, then maybe some knee and now we are in a time where clean-shaven pubic hair and anal sex is expected.

It won't stop. It will keep going. Men will need more and more, we can't just sit back and relax on the basis that we once licked a toilet. No, Men need more and need it repeated. You cannot do things for the first time twice. Once you degraded yourself in a certain way, you can repeat it but you can never make happen for the first time again. With each repeat, it will get easier and more normal. That is why morals shift - there will always be people on the edge of what is "normal" and push the boundaries a little further. And after a while, it is not seen as weird anymore and a new normal gets created.

So keep in mind that with every degrading action, with every defiance of your pride and with every renouncing of your dignity, you shift what's normal a little bit further. And every first you give your Man just ingrains you in his brain. A Man will not remember the 10th blowjob he got, but he sure as hell still knows everything about the first time he came into a girl's mouth. Do your research and check the porn sites for new stuff. Look at what is trending, those are the videos Men are watching. Watching something is the first step. After they have seen plenty of it, they will want to experience it. So prepare by watching the same videos and get used to the ideas in porn. Over time even the most degrading actions can appear normal to us, use this to your advantage and always be one step ahead :)

Of course, this does not mean that this is all Men want. Men want a variety of things, they are quite complex beings. But porn, sex, and degradation go hand in hand. Every Man is influenced by them to some extent. Some more and some less. But it never hurts to dismantle any pride you might feel. Pride never helped anyone, it is poisonous. With dignity it is the same. No girl ever got her prince charming because she was the most dignified. No Man ever had an orgasm from respecting a girl.

[cosmichighpriestess]

Off with their heads.

Chosen ones, a lot of people are finding out the hard way that you are not the same person you used to be. They are fucking around and they are finding out. These pickmeishas, these attention whores if you will are using your energy, your presence, your name for their own reputations and their own benefit while smearing your name and smiling in your face. These cowards could never tell you to your face they talked badly on your name for years. Not knowing who you were, not knowing your name holds weight in high places, not knowing by cursing you they are cursing themselves.

They are talking a lot but not much of substance is coming out of their dirty mouths. When you are a person who walks in integrity, you chosen ones, and you are also very understanding, compassionate, kind, forgiving with lower vibrational people, (not being disrespectful, its better than calling them a narcissist) many of these people will take your kindness for weakness. They downplayed our strength, our intelligence, they downplayed our ability to stand up for ourselves over and over. They play the boy who cried wolf while throwing the stones at your back. Archangel Michael is laughing hysterically at them. God is saying, stand back my children and watch what I will do while they think you are all alone.

Many of us feared being seen as the villain or even being excluded from the family or group for speaking out against injustices when being disrespected, abused, neglected, not believed and downplayed but now we don't care what anyone thinks because we rather be hated for who we are than loved for who we are not. We know who we are, we know we always have pure intentions and want everyone to win because that's who we are as souls connected to the most high. That is why we don't care what anyone thinks about our reputation or our healthy boundaries and our self respect, our self love because we know we will already be misunderstood for protecting our peace. We've accepted we will be misunderstood for life. Unbothered by people living in denial and unbothered what they think because we have already been through hell, we have already died a million times, gone through the dark night of the soul for years and been reborn so we're not going through disrespect again for someone who doesn't know any better it's like watching toddlers try to play with the big boys. In my case, I'm a high priestess with authority to cast out demons.

We burn bridges because we know we can swim. We see through the illusionary game the first time around and we don't stick around to find out that you're a person who lacks integrity and that is sent to hold us back. They are mad that we see through their game before they can even play it. We were always powerful but we didn't want to abuse our own power, some of course were blinded to our own power for decades and we thought we had none until we went on their own self discovery journey. Our journey into the unknown was our journey into self. People saw our power before we did. They didn't want us to see our own power and light so they constantly put us down relying on our kindness and forgiveness to get away with their disrespect and abuse for years and decades. Now we're becoming free and being set free while receiving our good karma but we can still observe the lower dimensions of people living in anxiety, fear, chaos and their own hell they created by hurting innocent children and people.

These people would come into our lives and drain our energy. These energetic vampires were feasting on our pure energy and light because they lost their own light. People saw us as naive and sweet until they met the multiple different aspects of us by using their insults disguised as jokes. Many people saw me as a therapist in their own life to dump all of their problems onto. People would literally say to me. ," that was a great therapy session let's do this again next time. " leaving me completely drained. Leaving me feeling used. Never holding space for me to talk about my own life and traumas then gaslighting me to make me doubt my own intuition when I told the truth about their family member or friend.

So I isolated myself for years and then I was called stuck up, selfish, two faced, manipulative, evil etc. for taking my energy and time back. I barely had any energy to begin, as being a single autistic mom is already draining enough. I had so much compassion and so much love to give that it was easy for them to take advantage of my kind nature. Can you imagine attacking a single mom all because she triggered your insecurities by existing and smiling? My happiness was triggering for miserable people so I hid my smile for years. They had to steal my joy anytime I was caught smiling or feeling good. But they didn't know that I had another side to me that I never wanted to unleash on any soul. Now, because so many people have mistaken my kindness for weakness, I have unleashed the lion within me. People are finding out the hard way not to disrespect me, oppress me or mistreat me and I'm sure chosen ones you are going through a similar situation. Our intuition is always screaming at us who is for us and against us.

Every single person I encounter is testing my boundaries, testing the waters to see what they can get away with and they are getting away with nothing. I am calling out abuse left and right. I am calling out years of mistreatment, disrespect, belittlement, manipulation, weaponized incompetence, gaslighting, control, smear campaigns, and neglect every single time. These arrogant people feel entitled to our time and energy as if they even deserved it in the first place. They perceive us as being alone and think they can get away with anything because physically, yes we are alone. Spiritually however we are far from alone. Archangel Michael loves and stands up for his Chosen ones. His behavior mimics almost similar to demonic activity.

He watches and waits to see what these lower vibrational people will do when presented with a loving, innocent looking, healing person in front of them. He lets them fuck around with us until it goes too far. Archangel Michael does not play about his Earth Angels and chosen ones. His behavior shows when there is an evil injustice done to innocents. These foolish elementary level humans actually believe that they are entitled to our presence and that we owe them our presence, our time,our money, our abundance, our energy, our healing, our labor and our wisdom while giving us nothing but trauma in return. They think that they can talk to us any way that they want, treat us however they want, waste our valuable time, energy and use us for free. They exploited us and inserted misery into our lives as payment for all the unconditional love and healing we gave them along with our abundance and luck we earned. They manipulated us into giving them what they wanted.

As if our energy and time are not valuable, as if we are not worthy of respect and boundaries. It is a shame that they have to find out the hard way that we were never alone. We only appeared to be alone. We are used as bait for people that have bad intentions for Earth Angels to receive their karma. Now they will face the same situations they wished upon us, which for some they wished death upon us. They should have found something more safe to play with. Come out, come out wherever you are God says. My chosen ones will be vindicated and you will receive everything that you are due. May everyone receive what they deserve.

[granulesofsand]

I don’t know how to feel about the phrase ‘trauma dumping’. We’ve been in therapy and therapeutic programs for years, and collapsed boundaries was one of the first lessons we were taught.

It’s uncomfortable to have strangers lean on you. I don’t love the lack of consent when people share out of the blue. But if they didn’t, if we didn’t, people would be dead.

Nobody has a responsibility for anyone else’s happiness, but there is a level of compassion I expect that is all too often missing.

We almost died, we’re brought back from the brink, several times in our childhood. We could have told someone. Nobody encouraged disclosure, but plenty enforced silence.

I’ve sat with strangers on the train while they told their life story and I was barely living. I would rather repeat that a thousand times over than have them step onto the tracks instead. Seen that too.

I can respect that not everyone feels the same. It’s not fair to expect a person to prioritize another’s wellbeing over their own. But I see the assumption changing to ‘not my problem’ when maybe it should be.

I’ve had mental health counselors tell me they didn’t want to hear about sh or suicide attempts. There were teachers who told us to look the other way with a pedophile coach.

Sometimes it is your problem. Even people who refuse to see homelessness and disability, who insist that abuse is rare or exaggerated. That’s not okay. Why do they get to turn away from our suffering?

It is an active injustice to gloss over us so they don’t have to be uncomfortable. I don’t want their discomfort to take precedent over our safety.

I don’t understand where the line is, when it’s self-care to create distance versus when there’s a social duty to help. I don’t want to hurt bystanders, but I will die if this continues.

It’s not a distant possibility. We are never more than two missteps from fatality, and we are not alone. I want to scream, but I don’t know if that behavior is allowed.

Is it morally acceptable to fight for my life? How close to the edge do we have to be for us to be considered endangered?

And past that, our whole external life is trauma. Any aspect that we could cast in a positive light must be filtered. Even talking about my internal life is some shade of lie.

I can’t make connections without common ground, I don’t have any common ground without my trauma. We’re learning to watch current media and navigate social settings, but it takes so long to form any meaningful bond. It’s disingenuous without the past seeping in.

Is that normal? We’re still working on friendship without trauma-bonding. We’ve never done that before. All of our friends knew early on. People don’t like us without the context, we are weird. The ones who can already know, the way like knows like.

I don’t know when life will stop being trauma. It seems like it won’t. I’m walking a wall in the dark. I can grasp that I’m being dramatic, but this applies to every part of our life. I don’t want to be alone again.

[beforeiforgetyou]

I hate when you delete the posts. Cuz it’s like okay you expressing your feelings so I can understand. So I can feel it too. Then boom. Next day deleted. So what’s real? What’s just a passing thought? I’m just a person. Not a mind reader. Truth is my feelings have never changed. Never. But one day you want me, the next… deleted.

You was in your feelings yesterday. I told you everything is okay and I still love and care the same. Try to show you at work. Talk with you. Joke. Laugh. Check in. Just be chill. And now you upset because you THINK that I would have reacted a certain way to a joke gone wrong??? It’s not even about me! Feel YOUR feelings instead of trying to imagine mine.

But instead you just delete almost everything. Cuz it’s a new day right? Push away your negative feelings until they come up again later. Why? For what? Just be real with me. Honest. Open. Stop running from me.

You want an answer to your question from yesterday? It’s this:

I can only love you as much as you let me.

If you push me away, put up your walls, and hold onto the things that are bothering you… then of course I’m going to feel distant. If you create these emotional boundaries, I have no choice but to accept them and navigate around them. But you have to understand that the consequence of that is that I WILL feel distant. Because how can I feel close to you if every time I reach for you, you turn the other way???

I’m still here. I’m bettering myself and moving on from the angry, nasty person I had become. But if all you see is the past and the pain when you look at me… we will continue to go back and forth until we grow further apart.

What I’m saying is, if you want me, let me know. Not even with your words, but just the way you are with me. You can still have all the love, time, energy that you want from me. I want to spoil you. Treat you nice. I want to be a little obsessed. I want to have good days. I want to be soft and loving with you…

But to do that you have to let go of that hurt and anger. I can’t force you to forgive me and if you can’t, then that’s something we both have to accept. You’ve heard my apologies but words aren’t enough. My true apology is my changed behavior and how my actions are reflecting my commitment to be a better person. If you CAN see that… If you’re sweet, patient, and open with me too… watch how calm and loving our interactions will become again.

Cuz I’m right here. I never left. It’s your door. Your key. And I can only get in if you let me.

[chubbygirlmaddy14]

The Dollmaker: The Backstory

Dale Kobble x reader

A/N: Enjoy!! this one’s kinda crazy

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/374688245?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=chubby_girl_maddy16

Chapter 9: The Backstory (1,270 words)

TW: Abuse, Detailed SH, Detailed gore

  I spent all of dinner laughing and talking about everything, enjoying one another's company. After a long, not so serious argument, we both came to an agreement about who would do the dishes. I kept insisting I should since he made dinner, but he kept begging to do them, and finally I just grabbed our plates and cups before moving over to the sink.

Okay maybe not an agreement, but I won.

   As I work on the dishes he comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist while his chin sits on top of my shoulder just watching. My breathing picks up trying not to freak out, this felt way more romantic then it should. Maybe because it was him doing it, yet I wouldn't want anyone else to hold me like this, make me feel so safe.

  "You're very relentless over things, you should let me take care of you," relaxing in his arms I listen to every word he says, "you're stressed out, it's obvious and not just because you're gone all day, the bags under your eyes tell you're not sleeping good because of it either." He was right

Of course he was, he knew everything.

Things I didn't know he knew just yet.

  Once the dishes are finished, I dry my hands and flip over in his arms making eye contact with him. I can never get over how tall he is, how he toward over me. I leaned on the counter as his hands moved from my back to rest against the sink on each side of me, moving just a bit closer.

I didn't want him to worry, he didn't deserve that

"I will be okay, promise."

  I put my hand on his side softly, pushing him back as I straighten up and step aside. I couldn't handle him that close to me, I was gonna cross a boundary that wasn't set, but it shouldn't be, it's common courtesy. I finish the rest of the wine before looking back over at him, "come on, I'll walk you back home.

  He walks closer, grabbing his jacket before we both walk to the door. He sticks his arm out once the door shuts, my hand instantly wrapping around it and leaning against him as we walk. It was quiet, but peaceful, I didn't want this walk to end unless it was both of us together for all.

  Stupid to think that will happen

  I snap back into reality once noticing we're at the front door. Turning to face him I smile as his eyes meet mine, his hands resting on my face softly. "Get some rest tonight little angel," he whispers making my heart skip a beat.

He kisses my forehead before pulling me into a hug that I don't want to stop. Once we pull apart I wait until he's back inside to make my way home.

  The case won't be the death of me, he will.

   Shutting the front door as I make my way inside, I throw myself onto the couch before putting a random movie on. I needed this, needed the time I spent with him, being able to relax. I lay myself down, wrapping the throw blanket onto myself as the movie starts. It doesn't take long for my eyes to close.

I'm exhausted

 Backstory

  It was always the same growing up. Same drunk dad, stubborn mom, and bratty little sister. I was born into the catholic church, but even when I was younger I never understood what was so great about it. Why we had to worship this God? 

The day I turned 17 was nothing new, even later that                             night at dinner.

  "When are you moving out?" my dad mumbles looking over at me, of course no one gave me a happy birthday, why would they? They never cared for me enough, I was just another person taking up space in their house. "I'm only 17, I can't move out just yet." He got angry

what did I do?

  "No you're not, you're 18! you need to get out of here, quit making up some excuses." He slams his hand down on the table. My mom didn't dare say a word to stop or defend me, she just sat and kept eating as he stood up.

I started shaking, I didn't want any more of this. His hand came down hard on my cheek leaving a new hand print. 

  After yelling at me more, calling me a liar, he sent me to my room. I didn't care, I wasn't hungry anymore. I made it up the stairs, grabbed a pair of new clothes and a towel before going into my bathroom. 

I needed to relax, something to forget. I let the water get warm before plugging off the drain and letting it fill.

  Opening the drawer I see the metal blade sitting there, one I haven't used yet. Not hesitating I grab it before setting it aside so I could get it when the time came. Stripping out of all my clothes, I sit in the water turning off the faucet. It was nice, it was peaceful.

  Not peaceful enough.

  I looked over to my left to see it sitting there again. Should I really be doing this? I've done it before, this time isn't any different. Picking it up, I lift my other arm out of the tub and let it rest against the ledge. Slowly dragging the blade across my skin, I watch the red liquid poor out of my skin. It wasn't fast and it wasn't a lot.

Just enough to feel something

  More and more I went across my skin as I hum happy birthday to myself softly. This was how almost all my birthdays had been. Get ignored, get yelled at, spend it alone. This was my new normal to me.

  Four months after came my little sisters birthday. I wasn't home all day but I didn't care, I know they would prefer if I was gone completely but that didn't happen. Getting off work late at night I see the lights on, nothing new, except for the car sitting parked outside my house. They drove off after a few seconds, brushing off what I saw.

Could've just been something else.

  My mind forgot about the car, about my whole day as I walked into the house though. It was way to quiet. The tv was off and all I could hear was the grandfather clock ticking by.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

  What I saw next changed everything for me. My mom and sister laid side by side on the floor, blood cascading around their bodies as bullet holes filled their chest. My mouth opens to scream but nothing comes out. My face goes numb from what I'm seeing before I run up the stairs screaming for my dad. It was too late though as I hear the gunshot go off upstairs.

  Maybe I should've ran, hid, done something other than run faster into their room but I couldn't. I was dumb founded in the moment as I barged open the door and saw my dad on the floor, no longer recognizable. I run to the bathroom

I'm going to be sick

  I throw up trying to calm down, forget the way they looked, questioning what I was gonna do now.

  The cops showed up 30 minutes later as I sat outside. I stared at the trees not being able to comprehend everything as the cops try to ask me questions.

   What the fuck was I even supposed to say.

[childabusesurvivor]

Why Advocates Should Think Twice About Laws They Support

New Post has been published on https://www.childabusesurvivor.net/reviews/2023/09/30/why-advocates-should-think-twice-about-laws-they-support/

Why Advocates Should Think Twice About Laws They Support

Based on messages sent to me, I know that many child abuse advocates assume that I am in favor of many of the laws being tossed around the US and other areas of the world. They are often surprised that I’m not in favor of them. After all, the argument goes, if they help one child, they are worth it.

I think that assumption is wrong, for a couple of reasons. So, let’s take a couple of examples.

Age verification for online sites.

The EU and UK’s plans to scan for CSAM.

First, age verification for using social media. This would require everyone, children, and adults, to provide identifying information to social media sites. This will absolutely lead to more identity theft. It will also mean, essentially, the end of anonymity. There are many of you out there who think that removing the ability for anyone to be anonymous online would protect children. I think it would harm them. That teenager living in an abusive situation, the young adult just coming out of one, the adult just coming to terms with their abusive past, and anyone struggling with mental health issues will no longer be able to get information and support online without giving up their identity.

The same would go for domestic abuse victims, whistleblowers, etc. There would no longer be any online space safe for you. One hacker accessing one social media ID verification tool would make everyone unsafe.

And, don’t tell me that the systems would be safe even if only authorized legal entities had access. We know data gets breached all the time. As we’ll also see in the next section, law enforcement will not think twice about misusing data.

This week, information was released about hearings held with Europol about new regulations that would force any chat service to scan all user communication for CSAM. This might sound like a good idea, but again it’s not that simple. They are demanding that services that provide encrypted communication disable that for this purpose. In essence, that service that businesses use to conduct private communication, lawyers and their clients use to communicate confidentially, and the public uses to provide privacy protections for their own, private, communication, will now have to provide a giant backdoor for law enforcement to use to spy on that communication. As if creating that backdoor will somehow, magically, never be breached by someone who isn’t law enforcement.

I work with technology, I know it will. There’s zero question about this among technical experts.

But, worse than that, we see what Europol officials actually want, and I believe, would push to do whether it was legal or not:

In the meeting, the minutes of which were obtained under a Freedom of Information request, Europol requested unlimited access to the data produced from the detection and scanning of communications, and that no boundaries be set on how this data is used.

“All data is useful and should be passed on to law enforcement, there should be no filtering by the [EU] Centre because even an innocent image might contain information that could at some point be useful to law enforcement,” the minutes state. The name of the speaker is redacted, but it is clear from the exchange that it is a Europol official.

Law enforcement officials don’t just want to be able to scan for CSAM. That’s the excuse to get the public to buy into mass surveillance. “It’s for the kids” is disingenuous. It’s not for the kids to them, it’s to open the door to the police, and anyone with some skill, to watch ALL of our communication and use it in any way they see fit.

Yes, that will include that cop who’s a little too friendly with the teens in the neighborhood, the one abusing his wife, or the one stalking an ex. It’ll also include officials with political leanings spying on opponents, dictators with unfettered access to all communication coming and going to their citizens, and hackers getting access to blackmail material.

All of it. Out there for anyone with the keys to see, store, and use as they see fit.

In fact, I will say that there’s an argument that mass surveillance of this kind would do more harm to kids, not make them safer, and it would undoubtedly do harm to everyone else.

So, if you want to know why I’m not in favor of mass scanning of private communication, I’ll add this. As a child abuse survivor myself, I’ve learned to not trust anyone until they have earned it. Law enforcement has not earned that trust. Not when there are statements out there like this one and far too many examples of the abuse of power.

I want to support survivors and those dealing with mental health issues by providing safe spaces for them to talk and get support. These laws do the opposite. That’s why I’m not in favor of them.

Next, they’ll be asking to outlaw curtains so the police can see what’s happening in our houses, right?

#Abuse, #Boundaries, #MentalHealth, #SocialMedia, #Support, #Survivors, #Teens, #UK

[tnlbarth-blog]

July 16 2023 - 11:28pm

Warning: All people places and things resembling any real people places or things are merely coincidence and are not to be taken as such.

Fireworks. The history of fireworks goes back to China where they were invented. The Chinese are very intelligent as they also invented toilet paper and other cool things. Fireworks are neat. They are bombs made to explode in the air and using different chemicals and elements create beautiful colorful explosions decorating the night sky. They are used in celebrations of all kinds of things from the Chinese New Year to the 4th of July. Most people love them and enjoy them.

For a lot of people fireworks are not so dandy. People with mental health disorders like PTSD have a hard time hearing them. Especially those who were in war like our military veterans. Other people don't like the fireworks due to other reasons such as light and sound sensitivities.

Animals have a hard time with fireworks due to how loud and sudden the sounds are. Hundreds of pets flee their homes if they are outside on the 4th of July every year in America alone.

All my life I haven't been able to enjoy fireworks due to how loud they are. We would go out as a family every 4th of July and go to a show. We would pack in a field at a campground and get out and watch them set off fireworks and I would cover my ears and press myself into my father as my sibling and parents had the time of their lives oohing and awing at the sky-bombs.

At some point I started to stay in the car to muddle the sounds further going as far as to bring a sketchbook with me to keep myself distracted from the noise.

And to be completely honest my family never understood. They always asked if I wanted to see them, why I wouldn't leave the car. And I would tell them the sound hurt my ears but they never understood.

Even as an adult my past boyfriends forced me to go see fireworks with them as well. Pulled along and because at that point in my life I wasn't good at advocating for myself I wouldn't say anything against it. I would sit in the grass and watch the fireworks make pretty patterns in the sky as I wished my heart would stop thumping out of my chest and that I could cover my ears without being teased or ridiculed by others (because covering your ears is only cute when you're 5.)

It wasn't until last year that I finally stood up for myself. Telling my boyfriend and family how I felt about the fireworks (and the 4th of July in general.) I was pestered to go see the fireworks anyway by them all. I literally had to fight to keep my boundaries set with all of them (except my father; RIP) My family gave in quickly but my now ex boyfriend nagged me to go over and over again for months. He refused to understand.

This year my family did not ask me to go. I was grateful for that but it didn't stop the fireworks from coming to me. I live on a lake and the other people who live on the lake brought their fireworks and set them off over the lake. (They do so every year.) It's not so loud while I'm in my house but I still have to wear sound canceling headphones due to my mental health disorders.

For many, fireworks are fun and even though they are pretty in the sky the sound of them going off is too much for me and many others.

It is harder nowadays as people set off fireworks throughout the whole of July. it was easier when I was younger and I only had to deal with it one night of the year.

Regards

TNL Barth

[z-iridest]

My Hero Academia- I Am Phoenix

Chapter 12- The Sports Festival, Part 4:

As Present Mic announced the start of the first match of the finals, I watched as Midoriya's face shifted from calm to absolutely seething with rage. At the time, I had no idea what the hell Shinsou had even said, I only knew that I never wanted to piss off my green haired friend...

"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT HIM THAT WAY!" Midoriya roared as he charged Shinsou, only to stop dead out of nowhere. He was frozen still, in a daze. I heard Ojiro groan in frustration.

"I warned him not to say anything!" He expressed.

"Midoriya, snap out of it!" I shouted to him as our friends rose to their feet. But, my shout hadn't woken him up. He was frozen and I couldn't do anything to help him...

"Ojiro, what the hell is Shinsou's quirk?" I asked, turning to my blond classmate.

"I don't know... All I know is, after I answered a question from him, I was in that daze... I think it's some kind of brainwashing..." He trailed off, looking at me. Brainwashing? "I remember somebody bumping into me around the last minute of the Calvary Battle, but that's not gonna help with Midoriya..." I turned back around to watch the fight, nervous for my friend.

"THE FIGHT HAS JUST BEGUN AND IZUKU MIDORIYA IS.... COMPLETELY FROZEN?! HE'S NOT MOVING A MUSCLE, AND WHAT'S WITH THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE?! COULD THIS BE A QUIRK AT WORK?! HITOSHI SHINSOU SEEMS TO HAVE IZUKU MIDORIYA COMPELTELY STUNNED! HE DIDN'T STAND OUT IN THE FIRST ROUNDS AT ALL, BUT IT'S POSSIBLE SHINSOU'S CRAZY POWERFUL! WHO COULD'VE IMAGINED THIS TURN OF EVENTS?! THAT'S THE FESTIVAL FOR YA!"

"This is why a perfect example of why the entrance exam isn't rational..." Aizawa spoke up

"Huh? Why's that?" Present Mic's voice was quieter than a second ago, curious.

"Since we're on to the individual matches, I had some information compiled about our final competitors. Shinsou failed the practical exam to get into the hero course. Since he also applied for general studies, he probably figured that would happen. His Quirk is incredibly strong, but that entrance test consisted of fighting faux villains. Robots. It gives a huge advantage to those who had physical superpowers they could show off. Despite his abilities, Shinsou never stood a chance at passing." As cold as Aizawa's words sounded, I knew what he was trying to say.

"I see what they're saying now... Like our teacher's, Shinsou's abilities only work on another person... When it comes to machines, they have to strategize another way to fight." I thought out loud. It was quiet for a minute, quiet enough for us to hear Shinsou's words.

"So here we are... You're lucky to have been so blessed, Izuku Midoriya. Now, turn around and walk out of bounds like a good little hero." Shinsou told him. After a second, Midoriya turned and began walking toward the boundary line behind him.

"Uh- WHAT?! AH! MIDORIYA'S OBEYING HIM!" Present Mic grew louder again, making me deadpan.

"Oh, no, Deku, what're you doing?" Ururaka was the first of our friends to speak up.

"He can't walk out of the ring, he'll lose the match if he does!" Iida exclaimed, chopping his arms.

"That's why Shinsou used his Quirk and told him to do that." I pointed out. Present Mic was still announcing the match, but I was hardly listening. There was a chance that Midoriya would beat Shinsou if they fought without powers, but... I was startled when Dad yelped in panic.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING, KID?! GET BACK IN THERE AND SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!" He shouted. We all watched nervously as Midoriya walked closer and closer to the boundary line. Come on, Izu... I thought. SNAP OUT OF IT! All of a sudden, I saw two of Midoriya's fingers start glowing, the tell tale sign that One For All had been activated. He managed to move his fingers, creating a shockwave that kicked up dust around them. When the dust had settled, we saw that Izuku had snapped out of it.

"WHAT'S THIS?! MIDORIYA STOPPED JUST IN TIME!" Present Mic exclaimed, the crowd cheering.

"Holy shit, I'm gonna kill that boy..." I plopped back down, leaning back with my hand covering my face. I didn't understand how he'd managed to snap out of it, but he did it just before he could cross the boundary line.

"That's the way to do it!" Iida cheered, pumping his arms.

"Whoa, I was about to freak out!" Ururaka sighed in relief. Ojiro plopped down with a sigh of relief.

"That just about killed me..." We watched as Shinsou tried getting Midoriya to talk as we continued watching, and the more silent Midoriya stayed, the more frustrated Shinsou got. Midoriya kept charging Shinsou, this time not saying a word and beginning to push Shinsou toward the boundary line.

"SAY SOMETHING, DAMN IT!" Shinsou punched him, but it only riled up Midoriya into pushing him further. Shinsou punched Midoriya in his hurt hand, making him stop long enough to get out of Midoriya's hold and making him stumble toward the boundary line. "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! GET OUT OF THIS RING, YOU UNLUCKY BRAT!" Shinsou shouted as he went to push him out of bounds, but Midoriya grabbed Shinsou's arm. With a yell, the purple haired boy was tossed over Midoriya's shoulder and slammed out of bounds... The very same shoulder throw he used on Bakugo. After a second of stunned silence, Midnight put her hand up.

"SHINSOU IS OUT OF BOUNDS! MIDORIYA ADVANCES TO THE NEXT MATCH!" She announced, the audience cheering again. I wasn't paying attention to what Present Mic was announcing, or what our friends were saying, only barely able to hear Kaminari.

"He's pulled that shoulder throw on you before, huh?" He taunted.

"Shut your damn face, Sparky." Bakugo snapped at him, much to my own amusement. But, watching Shinsou made me realize...

People must've thought Shinsou would only make a good villain, but the opposite was true. Brainwashing could be used to stop a villain in their tracks and make them give up without any real effort on his part... Hero work would be really simple... Shinsou was an incredible person with a remarkable quirk. Thankfully his classmates, and a few pros, in the audience were able to bring that point home to him...

A while later, I was with Dad and Midoriya in Recovery Girl's office. After a smooch and bandaging Midoriya's fingers, Recovery Girl spoke. "That should do it."

"That match with Shinsou... I couldn't smile through it like you would." Izuku turned to Dad. Dad sighed softly.

"I heard some of the things he said to you. It must've been painful knowing how much you could relate to him." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah, but still... I couldn't go easy on him. I have to keep my eye on the prize, aiming for the top just like you've said." Izuku looked down.

"Oh, you poor little darling..." Recovery Girl trailed off before she did something I hadn't expected... "Have you been putting too much pressure on him again?!" She exclaimed before hitting my Dad in his side, making him groan in pain as he was sandwiched between her hit and the wall. I smacked my hand over my mouth to muffle my laughter.

"It was necessary and that hurt!" He answered before doubling over while I tried to collect myself.

"Oh yeah, All Might... I had... Some kind of vision in the match..." Dad looked up at Midoriya's words. "There were... People. Maybe eight or nine of them? I'm not sure. When I was under Shinsou's control, it felt like my brain was full of fog or something. But, when the vision appeared, it completely drove the fog away. That's when I was finally able to move for a second, just my fingertips... One of the figures had eyes just like yours, All Might. Do you think all the people who've used One For All were there, pushing me on? Like spirits?"

"So, that's what snapped you out of it..." I spoke up after a minute, once I'd gotten control over my giggle fit, at least... But, it nearly started again when I saw Dad's reaction. He looked freaked out.

"Spooky.... I'm a ghost?" Dad questioned.

"Huh?! I thought you'd have answers!" Midoriya countered.

"There's stuff about One For All that even Dad doesn't know, Mid." I told him.

"Actually... I saw something like that too... In my younger days." I looked at Dad. He didn't tell me all this... "It's a clear sign that you're getting closer to making One For All your own power."

"What was it?" Midoriya and I both asked my Dad at the same time.

"I think it's like a trace of the user's spirit that's left behind in One For All when it's passed on. Don't worry. Whatever you saw, it won't be interfering with you or your progress in the future, I'm sure. In other words, that vision wasn't what got rid of the brainwashing effects. Regardless of what you saw out there, it was your passion that allowed you to overcome Shinsou's power.... Even if it was only long enough to wiggle your fingertips and expel some energy." Dad explained, making us both deadpan.

"Man, that explanation is so not satisfying." We said at the same time.

"Forget about it! More importantly, shouldn't you be worrying about who you're fighting next? Especially you, young lady." He pointed a finger to me.

"I already have a plan to go against Iida." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You're right... Thank you both very much!" Midoriya exclaimed.

"You're welcome!"

"Bye!" We both left, walking down the hall and closing the door, leaving the room. I had a sneaking feeling Midoriya was gonna be in that room a couple more times, but still...

"There you two are!" Ururaka called out to us. "Deku, you did good!"

"Come on down here, we saved a seat for you!" Iida told us.

"Thanks, guys." Midoriya seemed to perk up at this and I followed him down, noticing Sero and Todoroki were missing. Oh yeah, they're the next match... Just as we got to our seats, the torches on the platform ignited again.

"ENOUGH STANDING AROUND! NOW WELCOME TO THE RING, OUR NEXT PLAYERS! HE'S GOT SKILLS, BUT AT THE EXPENSE OF SOME REALLY CREEPY-LOOKING ELBOWS! FROM THE HERO COURSE, IT'S HANTA SERO!"

"Okay, the comment about his elbows was uncalled for." I blinked.

"VERSUS, AN EARLY FRONTRUNNER IN THE COMPETITION WHO'S WAY TOO STRONG FOR HIS OWN GOOD! SOMEONE WHO RIGHTFULLY GOT INTO THE HERO COURSE BASED ON RECOMMENDATIONS! IT'S SHOTO TODOROKI!" I noticed Todoroki didn't seem too happy... Usually, he had a calm stoick look on his face, but he looked almost angry... Had something happened?

"Todoroki looks pissed..." I spoke my thoughts out loud, feeling nervous for Sero.

"AND NOW, FOR THE SECOND MATCH OF THE FINALS! READY? BEGIN!" Present Mic announced the start, Sero immediately attacked, taping up Todoroki and flinging him toward the side boundary line. "THAT ATTACK COULD THROW HIS OPPONENT OUT OF BOUNDS! A BRILLIANT SURPRISE OPENING FROM THE UNDERDOG! WAY TO START OFF STRONG, SERO!" Unfortunately, the compliment was short lived, because about two seconds after it left Present Mic's mouth, ice came from Todoroki and exploded into a huge ice wall, trapping Sero at the bottom and unable to move while shaking the entire arena with it. My body shook from the sudden cold.

"Jesus, Todoroki, little overkill, don't you think?" I mumbled. Sero apparently shared my thoughts, asking the same thing of Todoroki due to the crowd being dead quiet out of shock. Midnight wasn't much better off, being half frozen herself.

"Tell the truth, Sero. Can you move at all?" Midnight asked.

"Are you kidding? Obviously not, my body is freezing!" Sero retorted.

"SERO HAS BEEN IMMOBILIZED! TODOROKI ADVANCES TO THE SECOND ROUND!" Midnight announced. A couple pros started a chant of Nice Try to try to cheer up Sero, but I watched as Todoroki walked towards him, using his flames to free our classmate. He looked... Really sad. I wished I'd known what was going through his head at that point...

It took a while for the ice to be melted, which I helped with what I could reach but once it was, the festival was back in full swing. "WELCOME BACK TO THE FINALS, EVERYONE! SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. THE INSANE AMOUNT OF ICE FROM THE SECOND MATCH HAS FINALLY BEEN CLEARED, THOUGH, SO IT'S TIME TO WELCOME NEW COMPETITORS!" The torches on the stage ignited again, making me get up.

"Aren't you gonna watch the match, Hino?" Ururaka asked. I turned to her.

"It's vines against electricity, vines are gonna win out. Besides, I better get ready for my match." I answered before walking off. Iida had already gone to one of the waiting rooms, so it was a quiet walk. Though, it did sound like Shiozaki got offended at the description Present Mic provided for her based on his reactions, which was honestly pretty funny...

I sat down in the waiting room, taking a deep breath. I tried to focus on coming up with a plan, but my mind wandered to Todoroki. I wish I knew how to help him, or at least what was going on...

"HE'S IMMOBILIZED! THAT'S ALL FOLKS! IT WAS OVER IN AN INSTANT!" Present Mic's announcement made me look up.

"I knew it." I shook my head. Shiozaki must've made her vines thick enough to where she wouldn't get electrocuted, then moved her vines underground to come up and lift Kaminari into the air. Plants had nothing against fire though... I walked to the entrance to the inside of the arena, adrenaline making my heart pound in my ears. I tried not to show it, but I was nervous as all hell...

"LET'S KEEP PUMPIN' OUT THESE HITS AND MOVE ON! TIME FOR THE FOURTH MATCH! GET READY TO WATCH TWO NEW PLAYERS DUKE IT OUT!" I heard Present Mic announced as I took on more deep breath before hearing the torches ignite again as I walked into the platform. "SHE'S BEEN OUR LEADING LADY FOR THE PAST TWO ROUNDS, FROM CLASS 1-A, IT'S THE GIRL ON FIRE, HINOTORI YAGI! VERSUS.... THE KID WITH ENGINES IN HIS LEGS, IT'S HER CLASSMATE TENYA IIDA FROM THE HERO COURSE!" I would almost hear our classmates talking, debating on who would win.

"Yagi." I looked at Iida. "Best of luck."

"READY..."

"You too, Class Rep." I let out my wings as I echoed Iida's words, getting into a ready stance.

"BEGIN!" At Present Mic's words, I shot forward, using my wings and flames to rocket toward Iida, who was speeding to meet me in the middle. Once we clashed, we started fighting. I could barely hear what Present Mic was saying, focused on the fight ahead of me. I blocked each of his hits, flipping away from the ones I couldn't block before counter attacking, getting a couple good hits in...

After a while of it though, I got tired of it. Once I was in perfect position, I uppercut his jaw before jumping up and using my legs to body slam him, pinning him down with my legs and arms. He struggled for a minute. "I'm sorry, Iida, but I told you I wouldn't hold back!" I told him.

"OUR SPITFIRE'S GOT OUR ENGINE BOY PINNED, WILL HE CRY UNCLE OR CAN HE GET OUT OF THIS!" Present Mic was excited, I could hear it in his voice. But, I was focused on keeping Iida pinned. I had to admit, it was hard to keep Iida pinned down. As well as being 5 foot 11 compared to my 5 foot 2 inch body, he was stronger than I thought he'd be. I'd taken a gamble pinning him, honestly. After a bit more struggling, Iida managed to get free and on his feet, but I wasn't gonna let him use his quirk again. I kept attacking, not letting up before punching him again, knocking him out of bounds.

"IIDA IS OUT OF BOUNDS! HINOTORI MOVES ONTO THE SECOND ROUND!" Midnight announced as I let go, getting up. I smiled before turning to Iida, holding out my hand for him. It took him a minute, but he took it and let me help him up. We both bowed to the other before grinning.

"GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR PLAYERS, FOLKS! A GOOD SHOW OF SPORTSMANSHIP FOLLOWING A GOOD SHOW OF A MATCH! OUR SPITFIRE'S MOVING ON TO THE NEXT ROUND, SO GET READY TO SEE MORE FROM UA'S GIRL ON FIRE." Present Mic announced before the two of us left the arena. As I walked back to the seating area, I heard Present Mic announce Ashido vs Aoyama for the fifth match. It was over pretty quick though, Mina coming out on top.

"Nice job, Mina..." I said out loud, looking up before I saw Ururaka. "Ochaco, hey." I called out to her.

"Oh, hey, Hino. Good job on your match against Iida."

"Thanks, but are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just..."

"Nervous about your match?" I asked knowingly. She looked at me.

"Is it that obvious?" She asked before she sighed. "Well, you're right... We won against Bakugo in the Combat Training, but I hadn't gone against him myself. It's gonna be hard..." I leaned against the wall behind me.

"That's true... He's good, I'll give him that. But, you're smart, all you really gotta do is figure out a way to get close enough to him to use your quirk and remember to adapt if your plan doesn't work." I told her, smiling softly at her. She smiled back, nodding.

"Right! I'll see you in the finals, Hino!" She replied before taking off toward the waiting rooms.

"NOW, LET'S NOT LET THIS HOT STREAK COOL! TIME TO MOVE ONTO THE SIXTH MATCH!" As Present Mic made the announcement for the next match, I got back to our classmates.

"Hey, Hino, way to go!" Jiro told me.

"Thanks, but that match was a lot harder than it looked..." I rubbed the back of my neck as I sat down next to Midoriya's spot, moving Ururaka's drink for her.

"OFFENSE AND DEFENSE! THE DARK SAMURAI AND HIS DARKER SHADOW! FROM THE HERO COURSE, FUMIKAGE TOKOYAMI! VERSUS... THE GREAT CREATOR! SHE WAS ADMITTED BECAUSE OF RECOMMENDATIONS, AND I THINK WE CAN ALL SEE WHY! ALSO FROM CLASS 1-A, MOMO YAYOROZU!"

"How do you think this one'll end? Any clue?" Ojiro asked both Midoriya and I.

"Timing's gonna be the key thing here." Midoriya spoke up first.

"Oh? How so?" Ojiro asked.

"Tokoyami's not as fast as Iida, but he's quick. If she's not careful, she's gonna get knocked out of the ring before she can create anything..." I spoke up, looking at him over my shoulder. Just as Present Mic announced the start of the match, Yayorozu got startled out of her thoughts and Tokoyami attacked with Dark Shadow. Yayorozu was barely able to make shields in time, and with every strike, each one was knocked out of her hand. She kept getting knocked back, Tokoyami only letting up after Yayorozu was knocked out of bounds. She didn't realize it until after Midnight announced Tokoyami as the winner due to her being out of bounds. "Shit, that went about as quickly as I expected... She must have been so lost in thought about what to do, she ended up getting overwhelmed... Damn it..." I leaned back in my seat.

"YIKES! ANOTHER FAST, OVERWHELMING VICTORY! IS IT POSSIBLE THAT TOKOYAMI'S DARK SHADOW IS THE GREATEST QUIRK EVER?! I THINK SO!"

"Tokoyami was way too powerful... I can't believe he forced her out of bounds by focusing his attacks on her shield. He obviously had a strategy that worked out." Midoriya continued my thought process, but I wasn't listening when Ojiro replied. Yayorozu looked like her confidence had been shattered...

"OKAY, LET'S SEE WHO WE'VE GOT FOR YA NEXT! THE SEVENTH MATCHUP INCLUDES TWO COMPLETELY REDUNDANT QUIRKS! ONE OF THEM'S A PASSIONATE, MANLY FIGHTER MADE OUTTA STEEL, THE HERO COURSE'S TETSUTETSU TETSUTETSU!"

"BRING IT!" Tetsutetsu shouted, tipping his head back.

"VERSUS... A PASSIONATE, MANLY FIGHTER MADE OUTTA ROCK! THE HERO COURSE'S EIJIRO KIRISHIMA!" Present Mic announced Kirishima.

"Seriously, even their intros are the same?! Oh god." I laughed a bit, and by the looks of it, Kirishima thought the same thing. I happened to glance back to see Mineta asleep, exchanging a glance with Jirou.

"Look alive, shorty!" She called him, waking him up by injecting one of her earphone jacks into him. I won't lie, his reaction was pretty damn funny...

"CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW THIS ONE ENDS! BEGIN!"

"Come on, Kirishima!" I cheered for our red haired classmate as the fight started, noticing Midoriya getting up to find Ururaka. We both knew it was gonna drag on for a while, so I let him. He probably wanted to help Ururaka anyway. After a punch from Kirishima, Tetsutetsu got sassy.

"I thought you were supposed to be strong!" He yelled as he countered.

"Funny, I heard the same lie about you!" Kirishima snapped back before counter attacking.

"Geeze..." I trailed off as I watched the fight. Punch after punch, both kept fighting...

But, eventually... One solid punch from both knocked the other out, resulting in a draw. "WOW, THAT HURT ME AND ALL I'M DOING IS WATCHING THESE GUYS, IS IT OVER?! THE HARDHEADS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE KO'D, BUT WHO'S THE WINNER?!" After a minute of looking between the two, Midnight rose her hand.

"THEY'RE BOTH DOWN, IT'S A DRAW!" She announced.

"A draw? Seriously?" Ojiro commented.

"I had a feeling that would happen, with the two guys having similar quirks, it's natural that they're pretty evenly matched." I replied. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous for the next match... Ururaka vs Bakugo. It'll be an interesting fight to watch, but it won't be easy for Ururaka."

"WHEN THE CONTESTANTS RECOVER FROM THIS BATTLE, THE WINNER WILL BE DETERMINED BY A SIMPLE CONTEST! Perhaps arm wrestling." Midnight continued.

"WHILE WE WAIT FOR TETSUTETSU AND KIRISHIMA TO RECOVER, WE'LL MOVE ON TO THE NEXT BATTLE!" Present Mic announced.

"Ribbit, this might be the most disturbing matchup..."

"I know, I almost don't wanna watch it." Jirou replied to Tsu.

"THE EIGHT AND FINAL BATTLE OF THE FIRST ROUND OF MATCHES! HE WAS KIND OF A HOT SHOT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, AND JUST LOOK AT THAT DETERMINED FACE! FROM THE HERO COURSE, KATSUKI BAKUGO! VERSUS THE ONE I'M PERSONALLY ROOTING FOR, ALSO FROM CLASS 1-A, OCHACO URARAKA!"

"You're not supposed to be biased, Mic Sensei..." I shook my head, though I couldn't lie, I was rooting for Ochaco too....

"LET THE EIGHT MATCH... BEGIN!"

Taglist: @qweenexplosionmurder13 @euphorical-angel

Previous Chapter. Next Chapter

[lifeaftertheabuse]

I saw a video today that really just hit home for me. Basically the video was talking about how we gaslight our own selves after the abusive relationship is over and this can’t be more true. I’m constantly having moments where I am telling myself maybe the abuse wasn’t that bad or maybe I was the problem.. maybe I was the crazy one .. maybe I was too sensitive and about things?? Then having to remind myself of specific scenarios that happened that weren’t normal.

Like screaming through the house at 6:30 in the morning when everyone is sleeping because I forgot to wash your work clothes for you that weekend. Imagine a 40 year old man so mad that someone didn’t wash their clothes for them? I worked all weekend.. he was home. It slipped my mind but their YOUR work clothes. And why are we yelling? That isn’t going to help right? Telling me I’m useless… I’m lazy.. I don’t do anything.. when I’m the only one who does anything.

Or when I didn’t order the pizza the way he wanted me too one day when we were out to eat. He called me fucking retarded.

A dumb stupid idiot. I heard those words come out his mouth so many times. I eventually put a boundary up. If you call me stupid again “I’m done” and shockingly he stopped, but then he just found other ways to make me feel stupid and small. His favorite line “how did you get a college degree and I’m smarter than you.” Now looking back I know that was all part of the plan. To make me feel small and stupid so I don’t leave.

But that’s not me. I have a voice. I’m not timid. I have opinions and that’s okay but not for a narcissist. They want you to fit into their perfect plan the way they want. They don’t want to hear your opinions, your emotions. They don’t care. My ex always said “I was attacking him” when I would be talking so calmly just saying what I was feeling but the reality is they can’t handle hearing what their doing wrong because then it takes away from the “perfect” persona they’ve created not just to the world but in their own sick heads. I never realized being self obsessed was a part of narcissism until I was doing my own research and it just all made sense. Always stairing at himself in the mirror.. always having to have the most expensive clothes and shoes.. always talking about other girls staring him as if he was just so handsome they couldn’t take their eyes off him.

But I just sat back and watched it all unfold. I remembered everything I could. I tracked it all in my brain. And when I knew I had to leave I formulated a plan in my brain. I gave myself months to make this happen to make sure it was what I really wanted. I stopped arguing back. I submitted to him. I took months of verbal abuse. I cried for hours. Some days things were amazing and I thought okay I do want this and then the same day he’d say something so mean and I’d have to re remind my brain what the plan was.

It wasn’t easy… walking away was one of the most difficult things I’ve done aside from leaving a physically abusive relationship 8 years ago. Isn’t is crazy that the pain im feeling from this relationships isn’t even comparable to the one I felt from that. Emotional and mental abuse really doesn’t get enough awareness of the damage it does. How it breaks us down. How we feel stuck to this person even after substantial time has past.

Going back to what I said in the beginning about gaslighting my own self in to believing the abuse didn’t happen.. it’s important to remember at least for me that it did happen. That I didn’t make those situations up. The words he spoke to me were real. The hurt I felt was real. The loneliness I felt was real and when you love someone you don’t treat them that way. One day at a time I will get through this. I will heal and I will be me again ❤️

[cazimagines]

Perfectly exasperating

Synopsis: You really disliked Zemo, but one person you disliked more? John Walker. After bonding over how you disliked him with Zemo, you have the unfortunate situation of running into John. He flirts, insults, and hurts you and Zemo is ready to put him in his place.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings/Tags: Use of swear words, John Walker being a dick, soft Zemo, protective Zemo

Author’s note: I was not intending this fic to come out as long as it did. This was one of the ones I had been putting off to write other stuff till I finally pulled myself around to writing it and ended up getting really into it. Funny how that happens.

Masterlist

Sequel

Part 3

Part 4

“Would you care for a Turkish delight?”

You bite the inside of your mouth in annoyance, refusing to even look at him. Instead of forcing your eyes to focus on a spot in front of you, not moving them in the slightest. Zemo waited for a few moments before sighing and turning away from you.

“You’ll eventually have to talk to me, y/n” he exclaims as he walks over to the kitchen side of the room. You were sitting in the safe house Zemo had provided. There wasn’t much to do, just sit and wait till the funeral started. Zemo sought to communicate to you to keep you two occupied, but you didn’t want to talk with him, so you didn’t. You just sat on the settee, staring at the sofa opposite you while Zemo walked around looking through the cupboards for food.

You were pissed when Bucky revealed he broke Zemo out of prison.

The avengers had been your family. Whenever you needed them Steve would be there to offer you advice, Tony there to make you laugh. Nat there to beat up whoever required it. Everything was wonderful in your life. For once. And he had ruined it.

He caused the family you loved to split, hate each other, and that left you alone. So alone. Losing both Tony and Steve made you more mad at Zemo. He robbed the last years you could have spent with them, so yeah, no wonder you refused to talk to him.

He loved to annoy you, though. Any moment he got he was beside you, creating sarcastic remarks about what was happening, trying to joke around with you. Trying anything to communicate with you. The worst of it was when he insisted you had to be his date on the mission in Mandripoor. Feeling his arm wrap around you, a kiss to your temple, the smell of his cologne flooding you, drawing you in. It pissed you off knowing how easily you fit into the role of his date. Yet you knew deep down why. Every time he made a snide remark, you had to bite your tongue to stop making one back. Every time he tried to joke with you, it took all your effort not to snort. You hated him and everything he does, yet you could sense a fondness growing for him, just a slight one, in the deepest corner of your heart. Left there to be locked away. Never acknowledged.

“So, the new Captain America, huh? What’s he like?” you hear Zemo ask, leaning on the counter of the kitchen table, his eyes burning into the side of your head.

You feel bile rise to your mouth as he spoke.

John Walker.

John fucking Walker.

If you hated Zemo, you despised John Walker. Just thinking of him brought a scowl to your lips. Steve meant everything to you. He was a father figure to you. He stood for all you believed in. He was your hope, your light in the darkness. And John Walker seemed to tarnish it. You wouldn’t have minded him if he was a different mascot for America. If he became America’s new hope. It was the fact that they called him Captain America. That he had the shield. The title belonged only to Steve. He claimed he wasn’t trying to replace Steve, but that is what he was doing. Him being called Captain America felt like a spit on Steve’s memory. People would forget him, everything he did for the country he loved. They would only focus on John Walker, and you detested that.

You didn’t blame Sam for giving away the shield, unlike Bucky. You could understand why he did it. That shield held such a responsibility, such a legacy it seemed impossible to ever live up to. No, you blamed the people who took the shield away from the museum. Without Sam’s permission. They should have asked Sam. But of course they didn’t care. They didn’t care at all.

“I see by your reaction that your impression of him isn’t a pleasant one,” Zemo says, bringing you out of your thoughts and back to reality.

“Have you met him?” he asks

You try to hold back your opinion, but John Walker made you so frustrated, you knew if you didn’t rant about him you would burst.

“Yes. He’s a dick,” you spit out

Zemo quickly straightens up, surprised you actually answered one of his questions.

“Oh? Are you finally speaking to me.” he inquires, walking around the kitchen counter towards you.

“Don’t push your luck” you mutter, side eyeing him as he sits down opposite you. Sam and Bucky were out leaving you alone with Zemo. At the moment you were all waiting till the funeral. Zemo claimed there were a few hours to kill before everyone had to gather. Sam and Bucky decided to check out the town, make sure they knew it well in case a situation occurred where we had to dash. They had forced you to babysit Zemo.

“No, no, I like to hear you talk. Please, if talking about how this new Captain America is a dick is how I get you to speak to me, then let’s continue.” Zemo says, pouring out a glass of whisky for you and him. He holds the glass out to you, an eyebrow raised. You sigh, grabbing the glass out of his hand and drank, feeling the warmth creep up your throat. Zemo chuckles as he watches you, leaning back on the sofa, his arms resting on top of it.

“My, my. The man must be terrible if just the thought of him is making you talk and accept drinks from me,”

“He’s so infuriating! He thinks because he is Captain America he can stick his nose in other people’s business!”

“Ah, so he is one of those people. Doesn’t understand boundaries. How rude,”

“And get this, he got annoyed at us! Telling us we should stay out of his way when he is the one getting in our bloody way!”

“No” Zemo fake gasps

“Yes!” you exclaim, going into a rant, “I can’t even bear to call him Captain America. He doesn’t deserve to be called that. His actual name is John Walker. He claimed he wasn’t trying to replace Steve, but that is exactly what he is doing! And how he talks to me as well. He’s so condescending, treating me as if I am a kid while trying to compliment me and act like he’s all that in front of me,”

Zemo’s eyes narrow and he places the glass down on the table between you two, “You mean he flirts with you?”

“If you could call that pathetic excuse flirting. I suppose. It pisses me off though,”

“I can imagine. He sounds nothing like what Steve was. Nothing like his legacy,”

It was your turn to narrow your eyes, watching Zemo curiously. “I assumed you hated Steve”

“I never hated him. No. I can admire what he stood for, I just find unrealistic. All superheroes are flawed. Innocents will consistently be collateral damage while superheroes are allowed to exist.”

You stare at Zemo, amazed. Not realising the silence you were making. You had always thought he hated Steve. It always seemed that way. Yet he didn’t? Knowing he didn’t hate the guy you always viewed as a father figure mattered to you. And you don’t know why.

Zemo stared back at you. He was studying your eyes, trying to figure out what you were thinking. He didn’t realise what he thought about Steve would have affected you, but it appears he was wrong.

“Don’t worry y/n we’re back and guess what! We found your fav-” Sam shouts, opening the doors of the room and strutting in but he pauses, noticing you and Zemo staring at each other from the sofa’s. “What’s going on here?”

Zemo is the one to pull out of the eye contact trance, smirking as he looks over at Sam, “We were just discussing John Walker.”

Bucky who had followed Sam in grounded at hearing Zemo utter that name. “Perhaps you two would like a drink and join us in considering how much of a dick he is?” Zemo asks, raising his glass to them.

A few hours later you walked down the street following Zemo to find his associate. You didn’t appreciate how secretive he was being, but you understood it. He had many people who wanted to get him, and the second he wasn’t useful to us. He would be doomed.

“It’s too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit” you hear a whiny voice shout. Peering up, you notice John Walker and his sidekick ‘Battlestar’ or whatever jogging down the steps towards you.

“Ah! How did you find us now” Bucky shouts with his arms raised, striding towards them.

“Come on. You really think three Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention,” his friend responds.

“No more keeping us in the dark,” John mutters angrily

Zemo, who you were walking besides, turns his head to you, “I understand what you mean by infuriating”

You chuckle as John looks angrily between you two, “You can start by telling us why you broke him out of prison,”

“He did that himself technically” Bucky replies, and Zemo grins at you, as if bragging about it.

“Aw, this better be an unbelievable explanation-” John Walker exclaims, reaching up to you.

“Hey take it easy before it gets weird,” Sam suggests, interrupting John.

“I know where Karli is,” Zemo reveals to John Walker, his seductive accent sticking out from the rest of them. He tries to walk past John. You, Bucky and Sam follow, but John stops him, placing a hand on his chest.

Zemo glares ahead, disgusted at John for even daring to touch him.

“Well, where” he says, getting into Zemo’s face

“All we know is, it’s a memorial so we are going to intercept her there,” Sam adds, trying to defuse the tension.

Zemo grabs John Walker’s hand and pushes it off him, striding forward again, and you jog to catch up with him.

“See why I call him a dick now,” you whisper

Zemo smirks, looking back at you, “Yes. He’s perfectly exasperating”

“What? No. Wait. No! No! Stop. Hold on. Stop. Okay?” John exclaims running forward and stopping you all in your tracks again after something Sam had said. “I think we are way past reasoning with her”

Zemo just stares ahead, fed up with John while you groan in annoyance. Not being able to even bring yourself to look at the man in front of you.

They argue for a few moments while you and Zemo stand idly to the side, Zemo glances at you rolling his eyes making you giggle. You smack his arm slightly trying to get him to stop making you laugh, but that only makes Zemo chuckle along with you. Eventually they calm John down but he glares over at Zemo, “We will deal with you later.”

“I’m sure it will all come to an agreeable conclusion” Zemo says, gesturing with his hands. He walks ahead, searching for his associate while John Walker moves beside you. You try to pick up your pace, but he keeps up.

“So working with a criminal now. Not very avengery like. I thought Zemo hated Steve. I wonder what Steve would think of you working with him,” he mutters peering at you.

“Need I remind you-you are also working with him now,”

“Come on, darling, don’t be like that,” John responds grinning, placing his palm on your back.

“Get your hand off me” you growl scowling at him

“Most women would fawn over me” John cockily resorts, still not removing his hand

“She asked you to remove your hand” you hear Zemo state, glancing over you see he had stopped walking forward, turned around and was now glaring at John. “Do I need to remove it for you?” he says angrily.

John frowns at Zemo. Finally, taking his hand off you and striding up to Zemo. Zemo tilts his head, his jaw clenching in fury as he stares at John.

“You are nothing but a dirty criminal. Don’t think for a second you can talk to me like that,”

“I will when you are being rude and disrespectful towards a lady,”

John scoffs, peeking over to you, then back to Zemo. Everyone else was standing to the side, not sure if they should intervene or not.

“What did she suck you off or something?”

Chaos ensured.

Bucky and Sam had to leap forward to stop Zemo from launching onto John while Battlestar had to hold John back. “Too far man, too far” he muttered to John

Zemo was snarling at John, his teeth bared in rage. His hair had fallen loose from their usual position and was hanging down over his forehead, giving him a more wild look. The vein in his neck stood out, twitching. His eyes were raging with fire as he looked at John. He kept trying to push past Bucky and Sam to get to John, but eventually gave up knowing it was futile.

You were standing at the side, shocked that John would have the ego to say something like that and at Zemo’s rage towards John for saying it. John adjusts his head. Not looking you in the eyes, but looking in your direction. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of said that”

Pulling your senses together, you walk up to John, glaring at him. “Yeah, you damn well shouldn’t have. You’re a dick. Nothing like Steve. You never will be,”

John wrinkles his nose in anger, frowning at your remark. You walk over to Zemo now that Bucky and Sam had let go of him. You give him a nod, showing your appreciation, and he nods back, though still glaring at John.

“Who I choose to associate myself with is none of your business. Who I choose to suck off is none of your business. Perhaps you can go fuck yourself and learn a bit of decency,” you spit at him.

A brilliant thought crosses your brain for another way to twist the dagger of your dislike into John. You reach out and grab onto Zemo’s hand, clasping it.

The action causes everyone to turn wide eyed to you. Including Zemo. He glances down at your hand in his then back to yours, surprise in his gaze but he immediately covers it up turning back to John smirking. He turns to behind himself, then back to the group.

“My associate is up ahead,”

You all turn to look forwards and see a little girl staring at you. Walking forward again, gripping his hand, Zemo nods to the girl as you all approach.

“Hello my friend,”

He holds out some money, a lot by the looking of it, and says to her, “This is for your family”

The girl hastily snatches it, obviously in need of it, and you can’t help but feel your heart warm a bit, seeing how kind Zemo was being to her.

“Can you show us the way?”

She beckons with her hands and walks forward. Zemo looks back at you, nodding to make sure you were okay, then follows her.

“What the hell” John murmurs from behind.

Following the girl, she leads you to a building. She turns, pointing inside a doorway, and runs inside not to be seen again.

“Karli’s in there,” Zemo tells the rest of the group. Sam replies and heads inside to talk to her while John suddenly grabs Zemo’s arm and yanks him against the machine on the wall.

Zemo moans as he is shoved into it, the hard outer piece hitting into his chest roughly.

“Hey. You’ve got ten minutes” John shouts to Sam as he takes out a pair of handcuffs and attaches them to Zemo.

“Really” Zemo mutters as John cuffs him to the machine.

“Then we are doing things my way,” John declares ignoring him

“Aggressive” Zemo jokes, though from his eyes you could still see the anger he harbors towards John.

He twists his head to watch John stride forward, staring at Sam, then back to him. “But I get it”

You wander over to stand by Zemo as you wait for Sam to talk to Karli.

“This day has brought a lot of changes. This morning you refused to say a single thing to me and now just moments ago you were holding my hand,” Zemo speaks quietly to you.

You shoot him a glare, “I did that to agitate John,”

“Sure, that was the only reason” but you knew from his eyes he didn’t believe you. They sparkled with amusement as he looked down at you.

“That cuff must bother you” you mention glancing over at them.

“I don’t mind. I quite enjoy cuffs, in the right setting of course,” he quips.

You turn on your side, looking at him, your lips curling into a smile. If we are going to play that game, you thought.

“Oh, what setting would that be?”

Zemo’s smile deepened, enjoying seeing you play along, “I’m sure you would like to know”

“Do you have to do this here!” John exclaims, glaring at the two of you. You quickly step back from Zemo, forgetting that you two had company. Your eyes snap to Bucky’s with worry, but he wasn’t looking at you. He glared at the ground, not seeming to care what was happening between you and Zemo.

After that Zemo tried to engage you in conversation again but you effectively ignored him, going back to how you were treating him earlier, which you knew was frustrating him.

John was looking down at the shield, then squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, panting. Both you and Zemo glanced up, watching him cautiously. You glanced at Zemo and he stared back, confirming you were both thinking the same thing about Walker.

He got up and started shuffling towards the doorway. Both you and Bucky eyed at each other for the first time with the same recognition in your eyes. You leave Zemo’s side to walk over to where John was.

“No, no, no. This is a bad idea,” John mutters as he paces around. Zemo watches him like a hawk while you and Bucky stand side by side, arms crossed.

“It hasn’t been ten minutes, John. Sit tight,” Bucky replies.

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me,” he spits back, pacing around.

“He knows what he is doing,” you reply

There’s silence for just a moment. You watch as John turns towards you and walks fast, hitting his fist against the shield, “I’m going in”

Bucky walks forward and places his hand on John, stopping him from moving further.

He tries to antagonise Bucky, trying to make him guilty for what could happen to Sam. And you could tell his words were influencing him.

“You will not be going in till ten minutes are up,” you state sauntering over to them

“Oh, so the whore has something to say,” John spits out

In the back, Zemo growls, tugging on the cuffs that connected him to the wall. You feel the outrage prick up on you as John’s remark.

“Don’t call her that” Bucky says, glaring at John

“She’s been openly flirting with the terrorist over there, so yeah, I think it’s appropriate to call her that,” John bites back

You rush forward, attempting to punch John in rage, but he was able to sidestep you and brings the shield up, connecting it harshly to the side of your head. Pain soars across your face as you fall down onto the ground. You groan, your eyesight going dark around the sides and black patches covering parts of what you could see.

“BASTARD” you hear someone shout with a beautiful accent. From the floor, you can’t make out much of what is going on. Someone with a metal arm attacking another guy. A man with a shield being attacked by a man in a trench coat. It was all too confusing for you. You just wanted to sleep.

You could feel yourself fading in and out. Your eyes begging to close. You could hear shouting. Someone talking.

Your head was raised. Someone was holding it in their hands. Your vision is blurry but as they get nearer your eyes could focus on them. Beautiful brown eyes, messy brown hair, cute thin lips. It was him.

“Y/n!?” Zemo shouted at you, “Y/n stay with me”

“My head hurts” you mutter to Zemo as he lifts you up, placing you against the wall. Slowly your eyesight came back, and you could see your surroundings. Only you and Zemo were left.

“Zemo, where is everyone?” you ask turning your head, but in doing so it makes you feel incredibly dizzy. You groan as Zemo places a hand on the side of your face to stop you moving.

“They went after the Sam,”

“I need to help them!”

“No, you need to stay here and recover,”

You look over at the wall then back to Zemo, “How did you get out of the cuffs?” you ask

“Ah well…” Zemo says and glances down at his hand, your eyes follow and widen seeing his hand, bruising covering it, his thumb sticking out at an odd angle.

“You broke your hand to get out!?”

“Well, I couldn’t let him get away with saying those things and hurting you,” Zemo mutters, smiling slightly but you could see the pain flickering in his eyes, “I gave him a well-deserved punch in the face”

You chuckle at the thought. Leaning forward, you kiss him lightly on his forehead, a gesture of you wanting to ease his pain. You move back just in time to see him looking at you, surprised, before your vision faded.

Taglist: @multiyfandomgirl40 @ineffablebean @freyjasamael @avgravy @huntheimpossible @checkurwindow @there-goes-thefighter @bunniwritesx @montypythonsholysnail @yallgotkik @wonderwoman292

[lestwritewhilewaitingforajobcall]

The Spark That Split the Seas - Poseidon x Reader x Thor

(A/N)

Hey guys I’m back! I’ve been grinding hard for a new character that I’d gotten in this game, Genshin Impact, so I’m sorry for the absence! Anyways, as always, I want to thank you all for the support on my past two stories and on my account, I truly appreciate every one of you! On a story-related note, since I’d mentioned on my previous post that I had a lot of Poseidon x Reader x Thor fics written in my drafts, I decided to post one so you guys could also join me in the feels! Any feedback would be appreciated! This was originally shorter than the final story you’re seeing now, as I’d first only written their dialogues, but as usual, I excitedly itched into making a story out of it!

This is for entertainment only. Record of Ragnarok belongs to Shinya Umemura, Takumi Fukui and Ajichika. I also do not own you, the reader.

The Spark That Split the Seas

Poseidon x Reader x Thor

For more than all the millennia the gods and other species alike had known the lonely kingdom of Atlantis, never once did the crashing waves gave way to the chirping of the largest Albatrosses until now. Otherworldly flying creatures joined with the familiar exclusively earthly ones in enjoying the ebb and flow of the ocean, albeit this time, the hungry ocean appeared more satiated and seemed to follow a regular pattern ‘from sudden crash to a long calm, to crash again then back to another lengthy calm;’ life in the sea rejoiced in this odd occurrence.

Beautiful yellow sun rays poured through the stained-glass windows, casting a kaleidoscope pattern on the large interiors of the kingdom ruled by the god of the seas, and catching the reflection of his nonchalant visage. The long, elegant dining table filled with every kind of seafood delectable imaginable also fell victim to the light, along with a figure that sat down opposite, whose invitation was clear.

Hidden from this heavenly atmosphere were the prying eyes of a little messenger bird who stood unobtrusively behind one of the tall pillars near the far end of the room, halting his slide just in time to witness this miracle:

The living bearer of the most fearsome title, the ruler of both this grandiose palace of the most precious gems and coral and all the oceans and waters, the almighty Poseidon, though against all reason and self-proved authority whatsoever, against the epics of Greek poets, was indulged, seemingly willingly, in the pleasure of having another’s company. In the shadows, Hermes’ red eyes shot wide open in shock.

Poseidon, the ever abrupt and rude god who had deemed most beings to be below him, received a guest, a still breathing one at that.

What in the gods’ name?

In a tone of haughty contempt, a grunt escaped from Poseidon’s lips. Finishing chewing the last bite of delicious food in your mouth, you nodded your head in earnest agreement with his point. Your next words were uttered with the firmness of an old sage who had all the answers, your beliefs shaped by the countless lifetimes you had lived.

“Existing is painful.” Your shoulders bobbed with your chuckle.

Although Poseidon felt a small measure of relief−a feeling that by habit had always been easy to brush-off with a condescending thought, his face betrayed nothing as his stoic features remained still. “If you agree, then why not allow me to kill you this instant?” As if to emphasize his strength, the crashing sound of dreadful combat between waves and rocks rang in the air, and you almost wished that a low rumble of thunder accompanied it, finding beauty in its loud peals, and additionally giving a volume of inspiration to Michelangelo below.

Despite your gaze being unrequited, you were sure you had the god’s attention. Since arriving here, Poseidon noted that your expression had always been smoothed into a calm, smiling one. “If you had intended to kill me, we would not be having this conversation right now.”

Poseidon sat rigid and silent.

“It’s a comfortingly tragic drama, my circle of life. I may not have been lucky to acquire a life as long as that of the gods, but I have definitely lived more times than you have.” Your words were so nonchalant, for a second there Poseidon thought you were kidding.

“That is for the simple fact that you mortals are weak, pathetic.” Lips as pink as young petunias touched the clear edge of the wine glass as Poseidon’s eyes closed, content to give over to listen.

“Yes, we are.” You paused. “But because of this frailty, we learned to adapt, evolve.”

“There is no need for evolution if you are perfect from the moment of conception. Hence why gods such as I, will always be above you.”

“You’re correct. Humans will never become gods after all,” Again, Poseidon found himself absorbing your words like a sponge. At the same time, he experienced an occasional sharp prick at the edge of his emotions, as if signaling him to pull back. “The same as gods will never become like humans.”

“Extremely foolish of you to think that trash is worthy of the shiniest Orichalcum. Your race has been created by us, for us, and will therefore always be inferior.”

“Humans are inferior in all aspects, this, is a fact. It is hence no accident that there is a history of rebellion and consequently, a false notion of superiority. But to be able to look beyond this, is to understand that we never truly intended to surpass animals nor the gods themselves. The nature of our desire: everything was meant for either survival or man’s search for meaning.

“We are by nature flawed and inconsistent creatures. And as you have no doubt seen for yourself as well, despite reaching all our goals, achieving our wildest dreams, we have never reached a position where satisfaction is achieved.” Keenness made your words sound almost heroic. There was a twinkle in your eye and a lilt in your voice, and Poseidon found that now he had a much clearer picture of your reputation for an irrepressible desire to see what is beyond your reach as you questioned: “If I may ask, as I have seen the gods share this sentiment of looking for meaning, do you feel an inkling of the same?”

When Poseidon had put the wine glass down, he hesitated a moment, his supposedly closed mind wavering between doubt and certainty. He would never come to understand this, nor admit to feeling this dissonance, but at last, he shook his head at his consideration, trying to reduce the unpleasantness he felt by the same way he had always used to get out of extremely rare difficulties.

“Do not disrespect me, mortal.” He knew himself that it was an empty threat.

“Those were never my intentions.” You bowed with great respect, but there was at the same time apparent in your manner the consciousness that while Poseidon would never in any way confirm your statement, he did not necessarily refute it. Your heart rose in gratitude as you regarded him with a look of affection, believing in your intellectual companionship.

“Lord Poseidon, as the fearsome god of the seas, what is the meaning of life for you?” The god surveyed your reflection in one of the golden plates, and maybe it was because he had acted in a charitable way towards you, but he saw brightness, a refreshing difference, as if there were no heavy shackles to weigh you down.

“My husband has always been in search of a worthy opponent. What about you?”

It was like a pin came dangerously close to the rational bubble of Poseidon’s beliefs. But then your words penetrated his mind, and he berated himself for almost falling prey, yet…

“Perfection.” Poseidon blurted out loud, full of self-indulgence, but uncomfortable with the thought of pity reeking from his pores, a role that was clearly uncharacteristic of him.

Tilting your head, your brows meshed inquisitively upon hearing this. “This presents the conundrum; you are already perfect, as should all the gods. Since you have explained, gods have always been pristine, perfect, the moment you all were born.

“So, if you have already achieved the meaning and purpose of your life, what is there left to live for?” There was something entrancing in your guileless form, and Poseidon was displeased that another should feel such an interest in your wise, unguarded character. “And if gods have already reached perfection, why is there an endeavor still for the dross of earth?”

For the first time in Poseidon’s life, he was receptive of contraries. Not one single time, had he ever been in the position where he listened, much more considered the act of interpretation. What he said goes, but for some frustrating reason, he was coming to terms of mutual respect; whenever he was sitting opposite you, chin in hand, the more he caught the flame.

Quickly, he stopped that train of thought and he seamed his mouth, stoic. Only his eyes betrayed a spark of defiance. “Stop asking ridiculous questions.”

Again, you bowed. “I apologize if I have overstepped such boundaries.”

“You better be.” With a look of eager inquiry, Poseidon asked, “Why are you not afraid of me? Is it because you are confident Thor would protect you?” One thing that distressed him was that the more he was alone with you, the more he saw your hands, always ungloved, noticed the wedding-ring on your finger. That closed circle excluded him, his face registering the insult. “As expected from a repulsive weakling,”

“No. I know he would be there for me whenever I should need him, and also the times when I don’t.” You said still a smile on your mouth.

Although you were unaware of the eagle eyes that were watching your every move, you had the instinct. You did not need all the information, and you had nothing to hide. Your shoulders were loose, back wasn’t ramrod straight and you exuded a carefree attitude. “The sole reason why my fears have dissipated is because perhaps, I enjoy your conversation.”

To say this whole exchange took Hermes by surprise would be an understatement. After the initial expression of shock, he laughed lowly.

You continued, “I have already accepted your beliefs. No one is entitled to those except yourself.

“If I were to die from imparting what my beliefs are, that is simply fate, a tragedy, but nonetheless, fate. Of course, I would try my best to avoid disappearing from this lifetime, seeing as I have made a promise with my husband, to continue to fight for my life, shall needed, until the very end.” Poseidon’s grip tightened the slightest bit.

“I believe that despite our obvious differences, we are simply two being who each have our own unique experiences that shape our views and beliefs. For hundreds of millennia, I’d seen calamity from all angles; mainly conflicts over a universal truth,

“But so long as there are questions, there will never be one solid concrete truth. And I’m okay with that.” You concluded.

Compliments never rolled off Poseidon’s tongue easily, since in his view they were nothing but hollow words. But this time, he could hardly slip a word in bad taste. He thought it pleasant to hear you, but it could not distract him from the uninvited presence in his throne room.

“You’re a heretic.” His usual strong voice beckoned your attention, discerning the sternness on the table of his expression to be forced. No matter, you had just enough of a last glimpse to see his face looking younger in repose.

“I have been labeled as such.” You noticed the unique rhythm of the crashing waves seemed to have settled along the sand grains, and you admitted it was so beautiful and timeless.

“You’re dismissed.” Poseidon believed in being straightforward with affairs. Since the conversation has ended, the final interchange of words was not likely to be a substantive one. Though this was his original reason, the face at the forefront of his mind right now was not yours but Hermes’.

You stood up and curtsied to show your gratitude. “Very well. It was splendid to be in your company this afternoon.”

Blue eyes followed you as you began walking away, and he watched you until you went out of sight when you began to ascend the Skíðblaðnir, a ship so completely reserved only for you by the Kingdom of the Norse. Then Poseidon’s ears turned toward the messenger’s direction.

Hermes quickly dashed to Poseidon and knelt to greet him with such a great respect akin to the expectations all elderly gods have always expected of their younger ones.

“We gods are perfect beings from the very start; therefore, we do not plot schemes nor engage in disagreements.” The implication registered with a jolt, and Hermes felt his mouth open as the real reason for your invitation became clear. He fought the urge to look at where Adamas had died brutally as a lowlife, not failing to recognize that this was the exact opposite of that faded history.

Finding quiet when Hermes immediately left, the god of the seas stared at his dominion, taking deep breaths of the air, not feeling the normal icy sting carried by the ocean. Over again he dwelt upon in his conversations with you, interested to find out if the Norse god of thunder had been able to sustain a similar type of conversation.

The very first quiver of interest sparked through Poseidon and though he did not recognize it nor perceived it, he understood the most important things, the only ones he ever needed to:

You did not seek validation nor attention. You had no fear of death, neither of the hardships of life.

Your depths of wisdom were unparalleled throughout the realms, which he would comment on its wasted potential, however, he knew Hermes already understood that part of it.

And the god of messenger did, as the word got around slowly but surely:

“There would always be those who dare to brave the ocean’s roar, but there was only one who withstood it.”

[bts-weverse-trans]

210104 Weverse Magazine ‘Be�� Comeback Interview - Suga

SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music” BTS BE comeback interview 2021.01.04

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.

How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.

How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.

How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing?

Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.

You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days.

Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all.

What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe.

Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me.

As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords.

It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried writing a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend.

When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap.

In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles.

In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write.

Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects.

What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things.

In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky.

‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different.

I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?”

Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited.

In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished.

Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs)

That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come.

The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

Trans © Weverse

[iyumeu]

Pillow Fort Movie Time! - with the Brothers

After begging, pleading, wheedling, and scoring As for all your tests, Lucifer had finally given in and allowed you to use the House of Lamentation's common area one (1) time to do whatever you wanted.

And you wanted to build a pillow fort.

However! You were not content with just a pillow fort. No. You wanted a Cinema Pillow Fort: large, extravagant, and with a television you could watch a movie on.

And so you went to Mammon, knowing that he had a large flat-screen television hoarded somewhere within his room that he wasn't using at all.

⭒☆━━━━━━━⸜₍๑•⌔•๑ ₎⸝━━━━━━━☆⭒

> When you asked Mammon for the television, he was somewhat reluctant to part with it at first. After all, it had cost him a pretty penny and it was fragile!

> However, after telling him what you wanted to do with it and inviting him along (because he would be part of your pillow fort movie party. C'mon. He never leaves you alone and it'll be better to invite him rather than have him try to squeeze his way in. Inviting him would make him feel wanted and you definitely wanted him there!), he had blushed and said that it wasn't that he wanted to help you, but you had asked and he just so happened to be free so he would help you set up both the television and the fort! But he wasn't being nice! He was just... making sure that your pillow fort didn't suck! Because he'd be in there too! (Because he was your first! Your man!) And he didn't want to be in a pillow fort that sucked!

> Mammon had no idea what a pillow fort was. But he wasn't going to tell you that.

> He plugged up the television and hung up the canopy of the pillow fort, layering the blankets and cloth (and why had Mammon been hoarding so much good cloth?) and attaching them to the part of the ceiling where Lucifer usually strung him from so they were nice and secure.

> Your excitement and joy was rubbing off of him and he found himself looking forward to seeing the end result of the pillow fort the two of you were building together.

> Meanwhile you placed some futons and thin mattresses — whatever you had lying around, really — on the ground before covering them up with a few layers of plush and fluffy blankets for the base of the pillow fort.

This was when Belphegor trailed down the stairs, sleepily rubbing at his eye with one hand and holding his pillow in the other, pausing in his step when he saw caught sight of the utter mess you and Mammon had turned the common area to.

⭒☆━━━━━━━ʕ -ᴥ-ʔ━━━━━━━☆⭒

> Belphegor's first thought was honestly to just leave you guys be. It looked like more trouble than it was worth and he couldn't really muster up the energy for it.

> But then you smiled at Mammon so openly and so sweetly, thanking him for his help, that Belphegor suddenly sound himself standing next to you, arms around you and his chin resting on your head.

> "MC... what are you doing?" he asked, ignoring Mammon's demands for him to keep his hands to himself.

> "I'm building a pillow fort!"

> Despite having a demon hanging off of you, you move with a practiced ease as you shifted the futons and mattresses around to ensure that there were neither bumps nor gaps in your base.

> With a similarly practiced ease, Belphie nuzzled his face into the crook of your shoulder.

> "What's a pillow fort?"

> You briefly explain to Belphie what a pillow fort was (pretending to ignore how Mammon listened in on the conversation as well): a construction made out of blankets, pillows, and other soft material resembling a sort of den or nest. It was supposedly very comfortable and cozy.

> This piqued Belphegor's interest. He asks if he can help. He wants to be praised too, like how you praised Mammon.

> You tell him to bring all the pillows he's willing to part with. This was something he could do. He had a lot of pillows, after all, and he would ask Beel to help him drag them all down.

> While Belphegor went to retrieve his pillows, you already had a few beanbags chairs that you bought specifically for this day that you placed around the fort. You piled your pillows together with them to create a few sizeable and steady piles to either lean back or bury yourself in.

Eventually, Beelzebub came down the stairs along with Belphegor, arms pull of pillows and cushions.

⭒☆━━━━━━━ᙙᙖ━━━━━━━☆⭒

> After setting down the pillows and watching Belphegor lie face first into a pile and fall asleep, Beelzebub's attention was immediately drawn to the pile of snacks you had set aside for your movie night.

> First, there were the snacks you had specifically imported from the human realm. Popcorn with various flavors, marshmallows, potato chips, ice cream... you even got yourself two buckets of cotton candy!

> Apart from those, you had spent the day cooking large servings of mac n' cheese, mashed potatoes, and warm soup (in a thermos!). You had also baked cookies and although half of them "mysteriously" disappeared when you were cooling them, you still had quite a sizeable serving left.

> Why did you have so much food? Because you planned ahead of course! From the very beginning, you knew that even though pillow fort movie night was something you planned for yourself, your wonderful, beloved, amazing, clingy demonic housemates would somehow become a part of it.

> The only thing you weren't sure was the number of demons joining you.

> It didn't matter though, considering Beelzebub was here.

> You had to stand between Beelzebub and the food, sternly holding your ground and talking him down. It was an extremely difficult endeavor, considering the lethality of Beelzebub's puppy eyes, but you pulled through. Just barely.

> You lied. You gave Beel the mashed potatoes.

> When you noticed that Beelzebub was still eyeing the rest of your food, you firmly told him that the food was saved for your movie night and that if he wanted to eat it, he had to wait until then.

> "When will movie night start?" he asked.

> "When the pillow fort is set up," you replied.

> +1 helper, get!

> He helped with most of the heavy lifting, bringing the high-backed dining chairs to act as boundary wall for the fort, tying the blankets to them.

> Your pillow fort was taking shape!

> However, it seemed a little too dark. You had completely forgotten to order the fairy lights you planned to use as mood lighting. Thankfully, you know someone who definitely had what you were looking for.

⭒☆━━━━━━━₍ᐢ ̥ ̞ ̥ᐢ₎ ♥━━━━━━━☆⭒

When you knocked on Asmodeus' door to get some of his charmed candles (spelled to keep the flame to themselves! no more burns! no more accidental fires! no more fire hazards! get yours from akuzon now, for only—), he demanded to know what it was for.

> "Is it for a date? A candlelit dinner, maybe?" Asmodeus sidled up next to you, wrapping his arms around one of yours and snuggling close. "Or perhaps to set a romantic, sensual mood for certain... activities?"

> Was it just you or was Asmodeus' grip getting tighter?

> "Since when did you get a paramour anyway," he pouted. "I thought we were friends? Close friends, even! We're supposed to tell each other our secrets!"

> "It's for my pillow fort," you answered. "I'm making one downstairs with Mammon, Belphie, and Beel. You're welcome to join if you want to."

> "I'd love to join!" Asmodeus let go of your arm to grab his candles. "Scented or non-scented?"

> "Non-scented please, we'll be eating snacks while we watch the movie."

> Asmodeus gasped. "A movie? We're going to have a movie date? Ooh, I want to sit next to you! Can I?"

> "Uhhh, I don't mind, but the others might—"

> "It's settled!"

> Asmodeus looked so happy that you decided that you had to make space for him by your side, even if you were faced with ten thousand puppy eyes.

Just then, you saw that Leviathan's door was open and he was looking at the both of you with a pinched expression on his face.

⭒☆━━━━━━━～>º˵)ニニニニ>━━━━━━━☆⭒

> When he realized that you were looking at him, he panicked.

> "MC!!" he blurted out. "I wasn't eavesdropping!"

> His face was flushed red but you noticed that his gaze was still enviously fixed onto you and Asmodeus.

> "Do you want to join us in the pillow fort as well?" you offered. Levi's face turned redder and his grip on the door tightened. Ahh Levi, you're warping the wood.

> "I don't need to join in on your normie activities!" he spat out and then immediately regretted it. "I mean, I don't need to, but I don't mind it! Since you've asked, I suppose I can join in on your movie night and pillow fort!"

> "You don't have to if you don't want to," you said. Half of you was trying to be nice. The other half just wanted to see Levi flustered. You couldn't help yourself. A flustered Levi was a cute Levi!

> Levi mumbled something under his breath. You blinked and leaned in closer.

> "What did you say?"

> "I said I want to!"

> You grinned at him and discovered a brand new shade of red.

> You reached out to link your arms with Asmodeus and Levi.

> "C'mon, let's get back down. The pillow fort should almost be done by now!"

> "Oh right MC," Asmodeus suddenly said. "I've been meaning to ask; what exactly is a pillow fort?"

> "..."

When you were done explaining to Asmodeus and Levi the intricacies of building the Ideal Pillow Fort, you saw Satan standing in the common area, looking curiously at the fort.

⭒☆━━━━━━━(=🝦 ༝ 🝦=)━━━━━━━☆⭒

> You swear, if you had to explain what a pillow fort was one more time—

> "Hello MC, is this... a blanket fort?" Satan asked.

> Oh thank god.

> Or the devil?

> Religion is hard when you're in hell.

> "Yes! I call it a pillow fort but blanket fort is one of its names as well."

> "I see."

> Satan had come across blanket forts — or pillow forts, as MC called them — before in some of the human romance novels he's read. Usually they were used during terribly intimate moments between the romantic leads, or between two very close friends.

> Huddling together and trading hushed whispers, intertwined fingers and shoulders brushing against each other, a small part of Satan has always wanted to try it out with someone.

> Try it out with you, you, it could only be you.

> But he hadn't known how to make a blanket fort and if he were every to do something like that with you, he would want it to be perfect.

> He couldn't find any books on the subject of making blanket forts either so he eventually gave up on his fantasy.

> But now, here it was. The blanket fort.

> It was a little bigger than how he imagined it to be, but it was fine.

> There were also more people compared to how things were in his fantasy but that was also fine.

> He took careful notes in his head. Next time, he would be able to replicate a blanket fort and hopefully you would be willing to share it with him.

> "Would you like to join in?" you asked because Satan was really eyeing the pillow fort with a strange intensity.

> "If you don't mind," Satan replied with a smile.

It was just then that Lucifer came home.

⭒☆━━━━━━━[ᓀ˵◇˵ᓂ]━━━━━━━☆⭒

> "When you said that you wanted free reign over the common area, this was not what I had in mind," Lucifer commented.

> "Haha," you said. And because you already had like six out of seven of the brothers agreeing to join you in your fort, you decided to test your chances with Lucifer. After all, it would suck for him to feel left out. "We're all gonna watch a movie together, would you like to watch with us?"

> There was a long pause as Lucifer looked at you, at the pillow fort, at his brothers, and then at his suitcase.

> Just as you were sure that Lucifer was going to turn down your invitation, he sighed and gave you a small smile.

> Tiny, miniscule, microscopic softening of the eyes, but you knew him well enough to tell that it was a smile.

⭒☆━━━━━━━✿ᏊㅇꈊㅇᏊ✿━━━━━━━☆⭒

> It took a while but eventually you all got yourself settled into the pillow fort. It wasn't a very tight fit, but it certainly was cozy with your clingy demon housemates squeezed tight all around you.

> Each of them had to have a part of their body touching yours, like you were their life source and it brought back memories to the time you went to the beach and, in the hotel, they all formed a circle around you to sleep like some sort of deranged ritual.

> Still, they wouldn't be your beloved demon housemates without all their oddities and quirks and you love them all dearly for it.

> It also helps that not all of them ran hot; some of them actually ran cold so you didn't have to worry about getting overheated anytime soon.

> Anyway, you were comfortable and once you made sure everyone else was too, you loaded your movie and hit play.

"I'd never given much thought to how I would die—"

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are Weird: The Nightmare of the Universe

Below are transcripts from former Eternal Federation president Dokova Mince regarding humanity.

“When I was a child, my father would tell me that unless I did what he and my mother said the Packrils would get me and take me away. They were small scaly creatures with dozens of talon arms that they would grab you with and drag you away into the night.”

“At the time I didn’t understand why my father would do this to me, but in time as I grew older I came to realize his method. He told me this because he knew I would be more afraid of monsters than I would be of him, and that I would do everything I could to make sure they didn’t take me.”

“When I learned the truth I was outraged, and yet I could not deny its effectiveness. I did everything my father and mother asked of me and in return the Packrils never came storming through my windows in the dead of night. Over time I came to find it rather amusing, the notion of imaginary monsters creating such order in my chaotic life. I thought to myself “Why did I ever believe monsters were real?””

“It wasn’t until much later on in life when I became the sitting president of the Eternal Federation that not only were monsters real, they had a name.”

“That name….was human.”

“Upon first discovering humans the other great powers of the universe thought them a joke; the latest in a long line of primitives trying to reach space by strapping themselves to explosives and shooting off into the sky. I must admit that I was among those who laughed at their feeble stumbling into space as they tried to colonize their home system. It wasn’t long though that their stumbles began to turn into sprints.”

“As time passed so too did these savages, these humans come ever closer to reaching the galactic community. It took them nearly 7,000 years before they left the bounds of their world’s gravity. A mocking number for many but it was what came after that which began warning me in the very back of my mind that something was very wrong.”

“Eight of their years after they achieved space flight not only did they land on their moon but they also established their first orbiting space station. Seven years after that their first robotic explorers began traversing the outer worlds of their system, relaying countless images of red barren wastelands that enthralled the small minds of humans all across their tiny world. Within the next twenty years they established a vast and complex network of satellites for sharing information around their planet for every moment of every day. Fifty years later they were landing manned missions to other worlds and spreading out like a deadly plague.”

“These small beings, these humans, though slow to progress went through a rapid paradigm shift and began a rapid expansion of science and technology; pushing the very boundaries of their understanding farther and farther.”

“Still, the powers that were stood by and watched; yet only I saw the danger unfolding before our eyes.”

“Only I could see the monsters waking from their sleep.”  

“These humans…..they were walking paradoxes of themselves.”

“They claimed to want long lives, and yet they bathe in their suns radiation for enjoyment.”

“They claimed to want peace, but their military spending far exceeded every other aspect of their society.”

“They said they were explorers cresting the ever changing tides of the cosmos, yet with every planet they touched a flag was planted and a claim staked like conquerors.”

“It wasn’t long before I was not the only one to see this rising threat, and together we decided to act.”

“Energy barriers and engine disrupters were placed around their system and any attempt to leave was halted immediately. A rotating fleet of ships to patrol the system and ensure any ship disabled would be safely returned to the nearest human world.”

“We thought by closing them off from the rest of the galaxy would  ween their more confrontational traits away, that they would mature more; to give them time to understand their place in this vast and wonderful universe. At the very least it would give me peace of mind that the monsters were still far off from my doorstep.” “Instead we only drove them deeper into the pits of madness. They looked up from their worlds and saw the wonders of the universe all right; but they saw it through the iron bars we put them behind. They saw our protection as an insult, a challenge. “Why should we be denied the grandeur of the cosmos? Why must we be locked away and forgotten?” “

“The years passed and our watch began to wane as the rest of the galaxy required our attention. Our watch became lax and in time even I forgot about the humans. That was until one day I received a priority message from the patrol fleet.”

“The humans had breached the barriers, engaged the patrol fleets, and had stolen their ships. I immediately ordered replacement ships to be sent in but by then it was too late.”

“Human ships poured out of the breach in every direction. Primitive compared to our ships, yet their jump drives were effective enough to spread them in nearly every direction before we could close the breach again.”

“They spread out like rodents fleeing a sinking ship at best and a deadly plague at worst. We tracked as many down as we could, but with them fleeing in seemingly every direction many slipped through our fingers. When we did find them many years later what we found was almost too impossible to believe.”

“Somehow they hacked into our captured ships and stole our star charts. They pulled dozens of uninhabited worlds and set coordinates for them at the fastest speeds they could go. Some of these worlds could support life, and yet many more were near total death worlds floating in space.”

“On planets so cold a single second spent outside was enough to freeze you solid they had carved elaborate cavern cities of dazzling beauty.”

“On planets of nothing but scorched sands they planned massive rail systems that carried entire cities around the planet at just the right spot between the night and day sides to maintain life.”

“On countless asteroids and dead moons massive space stations clung to the rock faces housing hundreds of thousands of living beings that lived in conditions borderline unimaginable.”

“Worse yet was how humans began appearing in other civilizations across the galaxies. For all their barbarism they seemed to have a knack for merging themselves into different cultures; adopting new customs and beliefs as easily as one would breathe air. Some even rose to positions of power within these new cultures and gained followings.”

“I had the government issue demands that any humans found outside of their containment system should be handed over at once. Some of the species gladly handed them over, eager to keep us on their good side. Some bartered and negotiated for the humans, seeing them as a resource to be used. More often the other powers out right refused to hand them over. The reasons varied but the theme was that they did not see the humans as the monsters I knew them to be. It wasn’t until my own government began to question my own sanity and even began softening the rules against humanity that I knew I had lost.”

“For all my efforts, all my struggles, all my sacrifices to stem the tide of monsters at our door I was defeated by the weakness of others.”

“Now as I lay here dying in my bed I find it rather ironic that the only face I now see every day is that of my human caretaker Julie. She smiles at me every time I see her; yet I can see the dark glint behind her clear green eyes. She knows who I am and what I have done to her people, and she smiles not at me personally but at the soon to be moment when my life sheds off this mortal coil once and for all.”    

“I had done everything that was ever asked of me and the monsters were still waiting at my door…..waiting to drag me away.”

[yoonpobs]

together | myg

pairing: min yoongi x singlemother!reader

genre: fluff, very soft fluff, domesticity

words: 5, 007

summary: min yoongi is a good man but even a better father ... figure

“Baby … what did we say about boundaries?” You crouch down to reach Jihoon’s eye level and the mini you—as said by your friends—simply ignores your oncoming lecture by staring at his feet.

“Limits …” He mumbles softly and all you want to do is hug him and tell him he can do no wrong but motherhood is tough despite all the online blogs telling you that they’re with you. You loved your baby, you really did—but God decided to fuck with you by making him the reflection of yourself when you were younger and you heard nightmarish stories from your parents from when you were growing up.

You run your hand over his hair soothingly because as much as he was like you, he was still only two years old and his own person, fluff and bread arms. You knew not to restrain him with furrowed brows or raised voices but instead with the patience your parents always taught you to have and the compassion that you wished you were naturally blessed with. But life had a funny way of taking away things from you.

Well—your ex-husband was never really taken from you—he left you, and instead of feeling shambled and distraught you were made of such resolve that you merely blinked when he packed his bags after he said he was cheating on you. The only sweat you broke was realising that Jihoon was only three months old when his dad left without sparing him another glance.

But your baby grew up and so did you. Your job at office paid well enough for you to live comfortably with Jihoon and hire nannies to look after him whenever you couldn’t; even though you tried your best to always be with him so he wouldn’t grow up resenting an absent mother. But you worried like anyone else would because while your friends and family would say you were doing an impeccable job, your self-sabotaging tendencies nagged at yourself by saying that he needed a male figure in his life.

He mumbles a soft apology, so respectful with his big eyes and you smile at him. You knew he meant no harm when storming into your office and scrambling off with important documents because he was still impressionable and curious about nearly everything. Your heart dropped when you realised your reports were pretty much incoherent with the way he doodled over them but you knew not to blame him.

“Forgiven Hoon.” You kiss his forehead.

His eyes turn into tiny slits with his toothless smile and your heart clenches at the little human you created and love dearly.

“Love you mama.” He plants a sloppy kiss on your cheek before waddling off to his playpen where his toys are laid neatly. If there was anything he inherited from you; it’d be your meticulous tendencies.

You sigh, leaning into the wall of your kitchen as you watch Jihoon with fond eyes as he plays with his dolls and figurines, dressing them in dresses and pants just like how you taught him that gender had no look and that everyone was different. Obviously, explaining the concept of social constructs to a two-year-old is not a conversation any parent would have with their child but you believed that these fundamental core values of humanity were important to his growth into his toddler stages and eventually adulthood.

“I can’t believe you squeezed that cutie out of your vagina.” Taehyung snorts, sneaking up behind you and you don’t flinch because you’re way too used to his unwanted comments and sudden appearances.

“I am 90% cute so it’s only right that my child inherits that from me.” You retort, eyes still trained on your baby boy.

Taehyung looks over at Jihoon who directs a mini-play of a loving family, and your heart is still sad at the prospect of his adolescent years only being with you.

“You know … hyung is asking about you,” Taehyung says and you immediately still in your position, hands freezing in your pockets because you know exactly who he’s referring too and you weren’t exactly ready for that conversation, especially with your older brother.

“He says he misses Hoonie.”

You sigh, turning your head to face your older brother and you can only muster enough emotion to look fine with his statement but you simply looked constipated with the way your face scrunches up.

“We’ve been busy …” You mutter.

“Jihoon is two-years-old and the only thing he’s busy with is trying not to give you a heart attack every time he nearly runs into the wall and you literally work from home now that your boss is some progressive liberal that tries a new system every two days,” Taehyung says dryly, pinning you with a deadpan.

“Stop offending me by insulting my son!” You whine.

“That’s my nephew too.” He rolls his eyes as you punch him in the shoulder.

“That has a name and it’s Jihoon you bitch.”

“Mama said beech?” Jihoon tilts his head in a curious manner and your expression morphs into one of mortification as Taehyung cackles in response.

“Stop. Laughing.” You hiss but it’s no use because your brother has never once listened to anything you had to say throughout the last twenty-nine years of your life.

“You—” Your snide is cut short by rapt knocks on your door, and you see Taehyung’s grin widen. You know that look intimately because it’s the expression he wears before he pisses you off or embarrasses you.

“He’s here!” He sounds delighted as he skips towards the door. You want to pull his back by his collar to ask him what the fuck he was talking about but he’s quick with his hands and the door is open. Your mouth falls and you nearly get whiplash with the way that you stare at your guest.

“Y-Yoongi.” He was possibly the last person you wanted to see and you had no idea what he was doing at your apartment at night on a weekday.

Then you see Taehyung’s pleased expression and put two-and-two together.

“___, hey. Taehyung said you needed help with Hoon tonight?” He offers a tilt of his lips because Yoongi was not an expressive man by any means. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have a good heart; that was far from the truth of the enigma that was Min Yoongi.

He was a good person and an even better friend. Although the two of you had tip-toed on the line between friends to something more than that, he never explicitly said anything about his interests to you. And you didn’t want to pressure him by saying anything because even though he was in his thirties and still very much single with a stable job as a surgeon at the top hospital, a two-year-old son is rarely what a man that appealing ever wants when looking for a relationship.

That was why you stopped replying to his texts or inviting him over to hang out with Jihoon anymore because Jihoon adored him so much and your poor heart couldn’t bear to see the two boys interact without an ugly flower called hope bloom in your chest. He only ever knew who you were because he and Taehyung were co-workers and probably only tolerated you by association.

You loved Jihoon and wanted the best for him. Even if that was Min Yoongi—you needed to protect your heart too.

“I did?” You tilt your head and Yoongi automatically notices the habit that you and Jihoon share. Taehyung is somehow next to you already and you know that because he stomps on your foot and shoots you a glare when you hiss.

“I did.” You cough.

“Mama?” Jihoon peeks his head through the divider between the kitchen and the common area, and his eyes immediately light up when he sees Yoongi hovering by the entrance.

“Yoongi!” He squeals as he speeds as fast as he can with his little feet towards the man in his scrubs who shoots your son with his gummy smile.

“Hey, buddy.” He picks your son up effortlessly and you know you’re staring but you rarely ever see men who are this patient let alone this good with children.

“Close your lips,” Taehyung whispers into your ear.

“I’m—that’s not what was happening …” You mumble, a blush appearing on your cheeks as you look away from the hugs and kisses that Yoongi gives Jihoon.

“I meant your other ones.” Your brother says dryly.

“Kim Taehyung—!” Your arms are already reaching for his neck to strangle him but Yoongi calling your name snaps you out of your anger.

“Have you eaten dinner yet?”

Your head snaps to Yoongi who now has Jihoon on his hip while he plays with the material of his scrubs. You hate how your heart flutters at the domesticity of the question and how Yoongi looks so much like a father to your son and a husband in your home.

You realise the dangerous daydream you’re falling into and shake your head to snap out of it before you hurt yourself even more.

“Us? No, we haven’t. Tae and I were planning to order in at our favourite place.” You tell Yoongi with a small smile.

You see the hint of a frown marring on his face but it goes as quick as it comes as he stalks towards you.

“Actually—” Taehyung cuts in before Yoongi can say anything, “—I have a … thing.”

He points his thumb towards the door and you curse him in your head so much that you hoped sibling telepathy was a thing so he could hear what you felt about him right now.

“You … do?” Yoongi asks.

Taehyung shrugs, as ambiguous as ever before ruffling Jihoon’s hair and offering a fist bump and a kiss before he approaches your door.

“Taehyung—” You grit.

“Bye, buddy! Yoongi.” He acknowledges the two other boys but not you and you know it’s because while Taehyung loved to annoy you, he knew you were a handful and quite literally the spawn of satan when you were angry and you weren’t just angry but livid.

“Get back here—!” And he’s gone before you know it, and even Jihoon mumbles a soft bye Tae samchon after he’s gone.

You sigh, resting your head against the frame of the door that was now shut in your face, stuck in your own house with the man that you’ve been helplessly pining over that looks way too at home with the way Jihoon plays with the softness of his black hair.

You turn around, closing your eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

When you open them, Yoongi has an eyebrow raised, placing Jihoon on his high-chair. And you don’t know why you found that act so hot but you couldn’t even set your own son down into that chair without him making a fuss but he only giggled cheekily when Yoongi did so.

“What for?”

He doesn’t sound angry, just genuinely confused. You purse your lips and walk towards Jihoon who was simply babbling to himself and grab a cloth to wipe at the appearance of a new stain on his shirt which you suspect he got from his playtime earlier, and you internally groaned at the fact that he probably found some food and decided that it would be a good addition to his play family.

“I know it’s really busy at the hospital this time around and Taehyung basically scammed you here … with us.” You fiddle with your fingers after you pick up a toy on the floor and pass it to Jihoon to keep him occupied as you have a much more … adult-esque conversation with Yoongi. While you made it clear to Jihoon that he didn’t necessarily have a father in his life because you owed him that much, you tried to steer far from conflict and turmoil so he wouldn’t have to grow up knowing only the lows of life.

Yoongi just … stares. And it’s unnerving because you could barely read the man in general and he was looking at you with a blank expression that only causes your anxiety to settle further into your bones. You’re thinking of about a million different ways to apologise or to spontaneously combust so you could save yourself from the scrutiny of Yoongi’s eyes. But before you can say anything and embarrass yourself, even more, he speaks.

“Do you think I don’t enjoy spending time with the two of you?” He frowns, and that’s the most expressive you’ve seen him throughout your entire friendship with the man. The fact that the first time he’s ever shown any explicit emotion around you is one of … disappointment … only makes you realise how far out of his league you were.

“N-No!” You shake your head, flustered at his tone. When you look at him, his face is much softer; a type of expression that shows longing but you aren’t quite sure why it’s there.

“It’s just … you’re busy, Yoongi. You’re a hotshot doctor at the best private healthcare facility in the city and you’re here spending the last night before the weekend with some pathetic single mom who still—by the way—can’t decide on how to brush my teeth just because it doesn’t feel right.”

Yoongi blinks at you, then he looks over at Jihoon and you’re confused for a second because it seems like he’s dismissing your mini ramble, but instead, he reaches out to Jihoon’s hand and bends down so he can look Jihoon straight in the eye.

“Hey, bud?” He calls out to Jihoon and your son looks at Yoongi with all the stars in his eyes.

Your heart softens at the interaction and notices how the way Jihoon doesn’t pull away when Yoongi reaches out to carry him in his arms again.

“Yoongi!” He squeals, squeezing the man’s cheeks between his chubby fingers and you can’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm and the way that Yoongi resembles a cat.

“I need to ask you something.” He whispers as if it were only the two of the room and you stand on the opposite of them with your arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

Your son bobs his head up and down in agreement as he waits for Yoongi to ask him his question.

“Yoongi …” You trail off but he pays you no mind.

“Do you love your mama?” The question surprises you and your mouth opens and closes, and your emotions are all over the place because the question makes you feel nearly inadequate. The way that he asks the question prompts you to wonder if it seemed like what you were doing for Jihoon just wasn’t enough.

“What is this even about?” You snap, eyes narrowed at Yoongi but he still ignores you.

Jihoon nods his cute little head eagerly without a moment of hesitation after Yoongi asks his … what you would say—preposterous question.

“I love mama with all my heart. She’s the best!” Jihoon giggles into Yoongi’s shirt as he leans his head against his chest. You don’t know why his words make you choke up when he tells you he loves you every day but the reassurance that your son does indeed love you makes you feel like you can do anything. It was also probably the fact that you noticed Yoongi smiling fondly between the two of you.

“Do you think she’s pathetic, Hoonie?” He throws your words to your son and you scowl at Yoongi who is still keeping his act of ignoring you very much alive.

“Pathedic?” Jihoon tilts his head again and you almost coo at the slight lisp he has when he asks.

Yoongi chuckles warmly and offers you a small smile as if to tell you that you’d see soon enough before repeating himself to your son.

“Bad.” Yoongi settles.

Jihoon gasps in his tiny little way and frowns, looking over at you with a cute crumpled expression that makes your heart swell even more. The urge to hold your son increases tremendously but you were still confused and curious as to what Yoongi was getting at.

“No no no! Mama is the best, didn’t you hear?” Jihoon squabbles.

You bite your lip to refrain from smiling so wide and choke back the tears that well up.

“Mama always cooks yummy food and never yells at me! I always see other mama’s yelling at their babies but mama … mama loves me too, right?” He rambles off and you sniffle.

“Love you a lot, Hoon.” You say from a distance and Jihoon is satisfied with your answer.

You turn to look at Yoongi and sigh.

“What is this about, Yoongi?” You sound stern and he acknowledges that. He knows the situation is much more serious than what he perceives but he can’t help but observe how the furrow of your brows resembles a squirrel. The comparison makes him want to laugh because you were so cute even when you were angry.

“I have one more question.” He tells you.

You don’t say anything but watch the way he leans in closer to Jihoon with eyes more serious than you’ve seen before.

“You want to see mama happy?” Yoongi whispers so softly that you almost miss it.

Jihoon nods.

“Of course. Mama always makes me happy. But she looks … lonely.” Jihoon frowns a little and you can’t help but have a tear fall. Your baby boy was young but observant and had a heart of pure gold. You didn’t need anyone but Jihoon but—

“What do you think if she gave you a papa?” Yoongi asks and the question stills your entire body. You don’t even see the way Jihoon lights up at the proposition and you also miss the way Yoongi looks over at you once to gauge your reaction.

“Will you be my papa Yoongi?” The question is what snaps you out of your reverie to realise the situation you were in and the allusion of Jihoon’s question.

“Jihoon! You can’t just—say sorry.” You squeak but Jihoon doesn’t pay you any mind because his attention is all on Yoongi who is smiling as wide as he possibly can.

“Only if your mom says yes, Hoonie. If only she knew how much I liked her.” He tells Jihoon but he’s looking at you. Your eyes are wide at the confession and your hands fall limp by your side; not knowing how to respond to Yoongi’s sudden confession.

It wasn’t anything spectacular, and it didn’t cause butterflies to erupt like it was in the movies but the confession was so wholeheartedly Yoongi that you felt so … comfortable. A surprising yet welcoming emotion.

Jihoon looks over to you but you’re looking at Yoongi who looks at you with soft eyes.

“Say yes mama!”

Yoongi stands up from his position to walk over to your frozen state until your hands rest on his chest unconsciously. He looks down at you as his arms wrap around your waist to pull you flush against his body. You blush and avoid his stare when he tries to catch your eyes. You know Jihoon is watching and that makes you feel all the more flustered. It was like you were back in high school and you were ‘canoodling’ behind your parents’ backs.

“Y-Yoongi …” You try to push him away but he reaches his hands to wrap them around your own.

“I’m sorry but you can’t run away from me this time ___.” He teases.

You flush and look away.

“I wasn’t … running …” You mutter.

He chuckles and shakes his head that you feel strands of his hair against your forehead when he leans in closer to connect your forehead with his own.

“Okay.” He agrees. He doesn’t put up a fight and you hate how even when you’re the one that’s flustered he can make you feel … safe. Calm.

“I like you, dumbass. I would go as far to say that I’m in love with you but I know how scared you get so let’s settle for the baby steps first, yeah?” He says so casually that your eyes bulge out of your eye sockets comically.

“You c-can’t just …” You blubber, “Say that!”

Yoongi scoffs.

“I like you Kim ___.”

You punch him in the chest but he doesn’t even flinch.

“No you don’t …” You whisper.

You don’t look at him but you can feel his frown.

“And who are you to tell me how I feel?”

You sigh.

“Yoongi … I don’t know if you heard what I said earlier but you’re … you … and I’m just some other girl that you know because of Taehyung and I’m a mother of a two-year-old. You could literally be with anyone you wanted and I just … you don’t like me. You just—can’t.” You exasperate.

He frowns at you, forcing your chin up to look at him with his index finger. You burn even redder at how close you were.

“I love you. I love Jihoon. And you need to get out of your pretty little head because I don’t want to be with anyone but you. I don’t know where you’re getting this weird picture of me being with anyone I want because I don’t want anyone. I want this—I want in, in this little family.”

You feel yourself choke up, and Yoongi notices so he holds you closer until your head is against his chest.

“I’m emotionally constipated half the time I interact with anyone but you just … you make me feel alive and things that I generally don’t feel on a daily basis. You and Hoon are the only things that keep me going with all the surgeries and stuff. I’m in love with you and it’s all your fault and Hoonie wants you to be happy as much as I do—so please: stop running.”

“Why are you running mama?” Jihoon asks and you remember your son is watching it all.

You flush but don’t move from Yoongi’s grasp. He thinks of this as a step forward because all you do is turn your head to look at Jihoon and offer him a smile through your tears.

You and Yoongi hear Jihoon’s whine and you see him reach his arms towards you as a gesture for you to carry him.

“Mama why are you crying!” He cries.

You feel Yoongi release you and you immediately reach out to Jihoon like it was second nature because it was. Jihoon was the only thing that kept you going when people would give you odd stares as a single mother especially when you were starting to look into preschools for your son. All the superiors would question your legitimacy and income when you were earning more than the average working man. You were always very particular about who you allowed into Jihoon’s life because he was young and got attached easily. But Yoongi made it so … easy. Just like he was that missing piece in both your and Jihoon’s lives.

“I’m okay bubs.” You kiss Jihoon on his cheeks as you hold back your tears.

“Don’t cry, mama.” Jihoon frowns and puts his thumbs between your furrowed brows just like you would always do when he was starting to sulk. You chuckle and hold your son closer to your chest, feeling all the more comforted.

“I’m serious about this ___ …” Yoongi steps closer to you and wraps an arm around you and Jihoon and the action feels so utterly domestic. You feel safe and content within his grasp.

“Yoongi …” You look up at him through your eyelashes and Yoongi has always been entranced with your beauty. It was never just about how beautiful you looked when you were a mother to Jihoon but the energy you carried around you was contagious and he’s immediately lightened up in your presence. He was patient with you because he knew you were serious about Jihoon and that he was your number one priority.

“No, please … listen to me ___.” He cups your cheeks while Jihoon is looking between the two of you with keen interest.

“I know you’re scared because of Jihoon and that’s valid. But I don’t want you to think that you’re not enough for me for superficial reasons because the truth is I probably won’t ever be enough for you and you’re here being the woman of my dreams. I respect your decision if you aren’t ready for a relationship and I won’t push you but I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere just because we aren’t together because I rather have you next to me as a friend than lose out on you forever.”

You had always been a crybaby and Taehyung was probably the reason why you cried all the time as children since he always had been the more rambunctious one between the two of you while you were far timider. But Yoongi knew that under all the times you shed tears because you were touched is a strong-willed woman that could withstand nearly anything in this world if it were for her son.

“And I know that I’m not over my head thinking this but … you want me too and it’s okay if you do but you don’t want a relationship. I respect you as a person, a woman and the mother of Jihoon. I just don’t want you to push me away.” He whispers so softly when he looks into your eyes.

“Mama …” Jihoon whines and you look down at him for a moment when he gives you a glare that doesn’t look so intimidating because of his bread cheeks.

“Yoongi is fun! Can he be our daddy?” You know his choice of words didn’t necessarily entail that context for you in particular but you blush anyway because he was just two. Yoongi senses your flustered state but squeezes your cheeks in between his hands and you feel coddled. It was a new feeling, one that was almost unfamiliar with how long you’ve been deprived of a significant other’s touch.

“I—Yoongi … I really don’t know what to say …” You mumble.

Yoongi smiles at you, comforting and homey all at once because Yoongi was a lot of things but never pushy.

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t know if you realised this but I’m basically Hoon’s dad whether you like it or not because he and I spend more time together than I do with my colleagues at work and I work overtime all the time.” He teases.

“Jihoon really adores you.” You agree, biting on your lip as your mind races for the hundredth time this hour.

You liked Yoongi. You really did—and somewhere along the way, like turned into something more … dangerous. A territory that you usually reserved for Jihoon because you only had the capacity to care for one boy in your life but Yoongi smuggled his way into your heart and here he was causing a hurricane in your stomach.

The words he spoke were so truthful and genuine that you can’t help but believe that against all odds in the universe, Yoongi has somehow chosen you. You were the one that was afraid. He has always chosen you. That enough is shown when he makes his way after tiring shifts just to lay on your couch and play with Jihoon in times where all he could do was babble incoherent words. He chose you when he made surprise visits with the homemade stew that you knew he knew your son and you loved. He chose you when he invited you and Jihoon to spend Chuseok together because you mentioned just spending it with your son than with your family. His parents adored you and were even more taken with Jihoon.

He has always chosen you but now it was your turn.

“I love you.”

You say those words without much further thought because you’ve always felt it. Three words have never felt so safe on your tongue to utter into the atmosphere and you feel the same after the truth is out there. You always knew how you felt and you knew that Yoongi was smart to observe your feelings too, which was why when you finally said it he just looked … content. Happy—like he was in a place that was so familiar and comforting that he didn’t need to react any differently.

“I want—I want to be with you.” You clear your throat, “If you’ll have me.”

You look so shy and young—because you were. But you had that childlike innocence that he’s only ever had the pleasure to see when you would play fight with Jihoon. He feels his chest swell with pride knowing that he was the reason you looked like that and felt the way you did.

“Hmm … should I?” He leaned in closer until his breath was on your cheek.

You knew he was teasing you but you still can’t meet his eyes, and Jihoon simply giggles at the way Yoongi squeezes him between your chests in a way so comforting that Jihoon feels like it’s a warm hug from a blanket.

“Don’t tease …” You grumble.

Yoongi runs his hand through your hair and pulls your head closer to his to give you a gentle kiss on the lips. It was nothing seductive or implicative but so Yoongi. A kiss to show you he wanted this and that he felt whatever flurry of emotions you felt. A kiss like he was coming home.

He pulls away and you see Jihoon frowning between the two of your through your redness and shock.

“I wanna’ kiss too!” He whines, and you and Yoongi both look at your son with the stars in your eyes, then lock eyes with each other; and you do what comes naturally next.

You both kiss your son on the cheeks.