#we actually had a whole discussion in class once why it’s so important to support these theatres as much as we can to save and preserve them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yyxgin · 4 years ago

Text

my only hate, my only love (kim seungmin)

pairing: kim seungmin x fem! reader genre: enemies to lovers au, highschool au angst, fluff word count: 11 k requested by: @joons-asscrack warnings: swearing, mentions of broken home

synopsis: A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group of youth thinks it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-- then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other.

(this dea is not mine !! I found it on pinterest under the tumblr user @/sarah531, however, i looked for the account and couldn’t find it. if you have any idea what the current @ of the owner of this prompt is, please let me know !!)

I actually used a lot of passages from this essay of Romeo and Juliet since I didn’t actually read it, all passages of the characters that talk about the play and are in italics belong to the rightful owner of this essay.

“A glooming peace this morning with it brings. The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head. Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some shall be pardoned, and some punished. For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” your voice resonates in the quiet classroom, your words followed by more silence as you drop to your seat and close the book, placing it onto your table. The reality sinks in as the entirety of your English literature class doesn’t dare to say a word, the moment you finish reading the oh so famous Shakespearen drama making everyone lose themselves in their thoughts.

Your professor looks you in the eye, smiling a little. “So? What did you think about it?” she asks, moving her glasses further up her nose with her pointer finger, gazing onto the few people that actually chose this class as their subject of choice just to get more credit. You liked reading, to be honest. Everything about this class seemed inviting-- there were only a few people there and those that did actually care about the literature itself enough were thoughtful enough to hold a proper conversation with. You actually made friends with a lot of your classmates, your brains working at the same frequency as your shared ex gifted child burnout syndrome draped over your brains way too often after arriving to high school, making you connect on another level as you tried to soothe each other’s nerves and be there for each other. It was no secret that only the biggest of nerds went to the English literature classes, but you were okay with that idea.

You snort out a laugh, raising up your eyebrows in amusement. Your classes were always open for discussions, so you didn’t even have to raise your hand to speak-- one of the perks of being the professor’s favorite. You open your mouth to begin talking, when a voice cuts you off, beginning the discussion instead.

“Well, I think it was pretty,” mumbles a boy from the corner of the room, the only one you didn’t even particularly like in this whole class, making you roll your eyes. It was hard, being in the class of your favorite professor when you had to fight over being her favorite student with Kim Seungmin himself-- the devoted dandy boy, the member of the book club, the student council president. You despised everything about him only from one sole reason-- he was the top of the class. That was enough for you to hate him.

You’re asking why? Well, you were supposed to be the top of the class, of course. And you were, for the main part. You didn’t share any other classes with him, making it easy for you to ignore his existence, but it just so happened that your favorite class also had to be the one where you had to see his face so often.

He was your moral enemy.

“Care to tell us more, Seungmin?” professor Jung asks, motioning for your classmate to continue speaking, to tell her all of his thoughts. You knew Romeo and Juliet must have been her favorite play by the smile on her face, eager to hear all of your reviews and thought processes while reading the piece.

“Well, I think it was quite poetic. Tragic, even. I like the way Shakespeare portrayed the prejudice and ending of a long conflict just with the power of love.” he nods, licking his lips after his bold statement, making you laugh out loud this time.

All the eyes of your classmates turn to you, even your seatmate-- ever so laid-back and chilled out Han Jisung furrows his brows at your sudden outburst. You were never the one to turn attention your way in classes, the sight of you not reddening under the gazes of the people in the room nowhere to be seen surprising even you.

“Is there something funny, Y/N?” asks the professor, calling you by your first name. You liked the way it sounded, cringing at every teacher that called you by your last name as if you were a legal adult with your life figured out. This seemed more friendly-- it seemed kinder, even. You liked the way it made it feel like your professor actually cared about your opinion.

“I think there is, yes,” you nod, giggling to yourself again.

“And what is that?” she seems intrigued, taking a few steps to your desk, listening to what you have to say.

“Well, I think what he said is ridiculous.” you point out, a shock spreading on your professor’s features, making you continue. “The only thing tragic about this whole play is how Shakespere portrayed the fake image of love. I mean, Juliet was only 13, don’t you think it was a bit early to get married to a man? After a day, that is?” you explain, intriguing your classmates even more.

“It was the 16th century. It was normal to get married young back then,” mumbled your enemy, Kim Seungmin from his seat, locking his eyes with you through the classroom.

“Of course I know that,” you ironically smile at him, rolling your eyes in the process and looking back at your professor with a genuine smile this time, explaining more of your point of view, “I think it portrays girls as boy-crazy. Like love is everything they are made of and that they are worthless without a partner-- and that’s why Juliet chose to kill herself. If anything, I think it portrays the stupidity of the youth the most.”

“So you think she was stupid just because she killed herself upon seeing her loved one dead?” Seungmin’s brows are raised now, looking at you as if he was mocking you.

“Well, Romeo did the same thing, so yes. I think it was stupid of them. They were reckless, the whole situation was. How could they know they were in love when this all happened in one day? Nobody can fall in love that quickly.” you mutter, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I think the play portrayed love at first sight beautifully,” grins Seungmin, the teasing smirk on his face bothering you so much you want to wipe it off his face. Is he really that ridiculous?

“There’s no such thing. And what were the families doing, after all? Arguing without even knowing why? For all we know, their ancestors may have hated themselves because they accidentally took their cow and they decided to kill each other for that?” you scoffed, your voice raising increasingly.

“Now that’s ridiculous.” rolls his eyes Seungmin, taking you over the edge, your voice raising with every spoken word.

“Your view of love is ridiculous. If I knew the boy I was eyeing was my family’s enemy, I wouldn’t bat an eye before dropping him, but no, she chose to marry the guy. Did she really have such twisted morals?” you scoff, a part of your class laughing at your outburst.

You hear a few quiet, amused ‘yeah’s and ‘she’s actually right’s from everywhere around you, only flooding your ego more as you recognise that your point of view is shared by more people and you aren’t actually crazy.

“I think love is more important than rivalry.” speaks Seungmin, cocking his head to a side, teasing you just by the look on his face, your eyes scanning his features as you hear a few other comments from your classmates around you. Some girls even go as far as cooing at his romantic statement, making you laugh and roll your eyes at them. Were they all this ridiculous?

“She was thirteen!” you argue, screaming. That is all that takes professor Jung to interfere your heated discussion, clapping her hands in authority, making everyone’s heads snap to her figure standing in front of the classroom with an amused look on her face.

“Looks like we have quite the discussion here,” she points out, seeing your angered face.

“Yeah, because Seungmin’s point of view is stupid!” you grunt, making her point a scolding look into your skull that almost makes you shrink in your seat in embarrassment.

“Y/N, no one’s point of view is stupid. Literature is all about the impertretation,” she states, earning a few nods and hums from your interested classmates, “now, who agrees with Y/N’s interpretation of the play?”

A few hands shoot out into the air, Jisung’s following as you angrily nudge him into his side, making you grin. No way your friend is going to support your moral enemy’s idea-- he was your friend, after all. Something inside of you is telling you that this whole feud wasn’t only about the play anymore,. You were fighting with Kim Seungmin, and that was enough to keep you standing by your point.

“And who agrees with Seungmin’s interpretation?” she asks again, searching through the classroom. It seems like the amount of people that agree with your classmate is about the same as the amount of people that agree with you, making you annoyingly roll your eyes at the realisation that you once again didn’t manage to outpower your moral enemy.

“I see the classroom has split into two teams,” she grins, nodding her head, “well, I did think you were going to have different opinions on this, but I didn’t think it was going to get so heated over here.” she points out, switching her gaze from you to Seungmin and back, as if to scold you and support you with your antics all at once.

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault Y/N can’t appreciate one of the most important pieces of English literature-”

“I’m all about supporting, if it was actually good and meaningful-”

“Stop it, you two!” she scolds you, making both of you shut up and finally provide some silence in the room. “Well, since you all look like you have different opinions on the topic, let’s try a fun experiment. I was going to make you all write an essay on the play by yourselves, just like we usually do, but I think this is going to be much more fun for all of us.” she states, smiling to herself like a happy child on Christmas. You wonder what’s racing through her head as she searches through the classroom, locking eyes with you, then continuing.

“I want you all to write an essay and do a presentation on Romeo and Juliet-- you can write about anything, whether it is your ideas, what you took from the play, what is your view-point on it. But you have to write it with the person who has the exact opposite opinion on this play. So this way, we can get the story from two points of view. Let’s see what you agree on, what you don’t, make it a discussion, I don’t care, just make it make sense. Do you understand me?” she smiles and you swear you can already feel what is going on before she says it, making your head hurt and breath hitch in your throat.

“And since Seungmin and Y/N seem to have the most different opinions on this, I am picking them as a pair-- no, there’s no way for the two of you to change.” she says before you can even open your mouth to argue back, leaving you to stand up from your seat just at the time when the bell rings.

“But miss Jung-”

“I want it done until the end of this month.” she smiles, taking her things and leaving the classroom, letting the thought sink in. You lunge yourself back to your seat, defeated and left to process the fact that you now had two weeks to work on a project with Kim Seungmin-- your biggest enemy.

A sigh escapes your seatmate’s mouth upon the scene, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “That’s what you get for always picking fights with him.”

That’s how you end up in a coffee shop two blocks away from your house. You didn’t exactly ask for Kim Seungmin’s number-- you weren’t in the 2000s anymore-- you swiftly added him on Facebook in order to get this over with so you wouldn’t have to meet with him anymore. Yes, you were mad at Mrs Jung for pairing you up with him, but you still adored her and wanted to do well, so that’s why you chose to do what you had to and arranged a meeting with him.

Kim Seungmin appears in the coffee shop in his usual cozy demeanour-- oversized sweater and everything, with a backpack hanging off his shoulder and a serious look plastered on his face. He places his copy of Romeo and Juliet onto the table and sits his figure into the chair right in front of you, sighing heavily as he stares at you from under his eyelashes, voice low and defeated.

“Hi.” he greets, resting his back against the head of the chair, waiting for you to take initiative. You were the one who arranged this whole thing in the first place, so it was kind of your responsibility now in his books.

“Hello,” you cleared your throat. You felt like you were sitting there with the devil himself, just begging yourself in your head not to explode like a raging volcano with every movement he made that always somehow ended up irritating you. It was like his aura was everything you despised-- his collected way of discussing and his calm way of thinking getting on your nerves with every sigh he sent your way.

“So… how do you wanna go around this?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at you in question.

You sigh back at him just to show him how annoyed you are by your professor’s choice of your partner, bringing your hands to rest them on the table and cracking your knuckles in nerves. You didn’t meet his eyes, you felt too intimidated to do so in the moment, before you spoke up and managed to get your point across.

“Well, since we have to gather both of our viewpoints in the essay, I think we could just start of by telling the other one what topics we want to talk about so the other one can debunk them.” you mumble, suddenly feeling nervous by the possibility of your idea being rejected. If you could disappear on the spot, believe me, you would.

Seungmin hums from his seat, nodding. “Seems reasonable.”

You try your hardest not to let out a relieved sigh, nodding back at him. “I brought some notes.”

You did some preparation for this. Well, a lot of preparation. There was no way Kim Seungmin could catch you unprepared at your study meeting. You wanted to prove to him that you were worth so much more than sharing your grade with him and if he had any snarky or teasing remark, you best believe you mastered up a response just as spiteful, if not more than what could possibly leave his lips in the moment. You weren’t here to embarrass yourself. You were here to look smart. Smarter than Kim Seungmin.

“Perfect.” he just mutters, taking the sheet of paper you were offering to him from your hand, placing it on the table in front of him and skimming his eyes through the lines of text you scribbled down yesterday evening.

The silence makes your palms sweat. It makes you nervously bite down on your lower lip. You felt embarrassing-- you were never the conservative type. All this time, you used to hate your classmate from afar. You never actually spoke to each other, all you did to express your hatred for the boy was in the way you always rolled your eyes when he spoke up in class, or you sighed when Mrs Jung was complimenting him in front of everyone, making sure he heard you. You don’t know what broke in you that day-- you were quite the shy type, to be honest. You didn’t like to be the centre of attention. What were you even thinking by all of this?

“I don’t think we should mention their age as an argument,” he says, finally meeting eyes with you.

“Why?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“Because as I already said, it was long ago. People used to marry young.” he shrugs, offering the sheet of paper back to you with a judging look on his face.

“Okay and? My point still stands. They were too young and reckless.”

“I also don’t think we should talk about the sex part.” he concludes, landing his hands into his lap.

“Why? Because it’s controversial?” you teasingly grin at him, waiting for his response.

“No. Because it clearly brings nothing to the table about our arguments. It doesn’t even really play a big role in the whole thing, so I think it’s useless to mention,” he shrugs, looking at your face. It felt like his eyes were studying you, judging you. It was hard to keep eye contact with him-- so you didn’t. You averted your gaze out of the window, opting to watch the passer-bys instead.

You sigh, waiting for him to say something against your notes again. Of course you could expect this-- there was no way Kim Seungmin would agree with anything you’re trying to say in the matter at all.

“And the point about Rosaline is a little over the line as well…”

“What do you want me to put in the essay if you’re just going to tell me it’s unreasonable and over the line, huh?” you voice out, pinning your eyes onto his shocked figure, “it’s supposed to be an essay on everything I didn’t like about it, so that’s what I’m going to put in it and your job is to comment on my arguments. Just like my job is to comment on what you loved about this piece of shit of a play, and that’s what I’m going to do, so fuck off.” you growled, standing up and taking your things with you, too frustrated and hot-headed to continue the discussion.

Only Kim Seungmin could make you this mad and you hated him for it even more.

You hear your door open, revealing your mum standing in the doorway with a mug of hot tea and a soft smile playing with her features. You sigh, playing with your pen in your hand, waiting for her to say what she needs to say and leave so you could have some silence to finally work.

“Sweetie, you should really relax for a while. You’ve been studying for the whole day…” she mumbles, taking the tea to your desk and running a hand through your hair. You fight off the urge to pull away from her, knowing damn well it would hurt her feelings, so you just opt to nod at her face and faking a smile.

“Yeah, sure, mum.” you respond, but make no effort in getting up from your chair and moving to your bed. It was already late in the night and your mum was wearing her pyjamas, signaling that she was going to sleep. She always went to sleep early, because she needed to wake up in the early hours of the day to go to work, but you usually didn’t go to sleep earlier than midnight anyway-- homework was taking you too much time sometimes.

“I mean it. You’re doing great job in school, sweetie, but you have to lay off for a while or else you’ll overwork yourself.” she says affectionately, making you grunt on the inside.

“Okay, okay, go to sleep now, good night mum…” you mumble, waiting for her to finally leave you alone.

“Are you telling me to go away?” she asks with a hint of laugh in her voice that you know for a fact is fake, because the expression on her face looks hurt. You hate to see that face, because it makes you feel guilty, but you really can’t help yourself sometimes.

“No.” you mutter, shaking your head.

She just stares at you for a while, biting down on her lower lip, before she hangs her head low and sighs out. She turns around, taking a few steps to your door, turning around only for a moment when she stands in the doorway and whispers a quiet ‘good night’ at you, closing the door behind her and disappearing into her bedroom.

You feel a sense of relief coming over you. Of course you weren’t going to sleep yet, but she didn’t have to know that. She didn’t have to know a lot of things.

The small, old copy of Romeo and Juliet falls into your eyes in the corner of your desk. You had to borrow your book from the library and you hated how some pages were torn and the ink was so old it was hard to read sometimes, but you couldn’t afford to buy yourself one, because you were saving up for college and every cent counts in your household.

You take it into your hands, reading over the passages you bookmarked when you were first reading the book, wanting to refresh your memory with the lines that stood up to you and made you snort at how ridiculous the book truly was again before typing them down into the document you had opened in front of you.

“Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake- it’s everything except what it is!” it says. You run your fingers along the words, the curves of the ink cutting you like a knife. Love is all of these things-- it’s terrifying and it’s unpredictable. It sounds scary in your ears and you’ve seen it right in front of your eyes- love is everything except what it is.

Love isn’t heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold. Love isn’t sick and healthy. Love is pain. It takes everything you have, it ties you down, it makes you do things you would never do if you weren’t in love. It intoxicates you and makes you make bad decisions. When you love, you’re irresponsible. You’re like a storm.

Your mum and your dad were in love. Or, your mum always told you they were.

So if your mum and your dad were in love, they were supposed to be together through the heavy and the light. Through the bright and through the dark. Through sick and healthy. They were supposed to be there for each other.

They were both really young when they fell in love. You understand-- they were reckless and they were stupid.

But did your father really have to leave you?

Love is nothing from the above. Love is sick and love is just a play. It would be stupid to be hung up on that idea that Kim Seungmin so desperately wanted to believe in.

“So, how far did you get with the essay?” asks Jisung on your lunch break, looking at you with expectation. You told him about your planned meeting with Seungmin, but you didn’t get around to telling him just how it went yet.

“Oh, that…” you mumble, letting out a dry chuckle, “well, he told me my ideas are stupid, so I’m just going to write it by myself and send it to him so he can add his points into it.” you shrugged, taking a bite from your sandwich, stuffing your cheeks with the food so you didn’t have to explain any further.

Jisung sighs in front of you, rolling his eyes like every time you gush about Seungmin and how he gets on your nerves. “Can you lay off that Anne and Gilbert attitude already?”

“Stop saying that, that’s disgusting,” you scrunch up your nose, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Well, it looks like you two are doing a whole 21st century remake right in front of our eyes, though,” chuckles Jisung, teasing you further, “with that whole top of the class students that hate each other and act like children just because they don’t agree on something. It’s only a matter of time before you fall in love.”

“Ew,” you fake a gag, rolling your eyes at him, “that is so not happening.”

“Yeah, sure, tell me about it at your wedding in a few years.” he mutters.

“I am not getting married in my whole life, marriage is wack,” you roll your eyes at him for the millionth time, the gesture so familiar to you over the past few days. Everything seems to annoy you recently. Maybe you were just going through a bad patch, who knows?

“Oh would you look at that, Y/N’s acting like a Grinch again,” giggles Jisung, ruffling your hair in the process just to annoy you even more, making you pull away abruptly from his touch.

“That doesn’t even make any sense! Grinch hates Christmas, not fake images of love.” you argue back, finishing your sandwich and rolling the plastic that was covering it into a little ball, throwing it into his face to shut him up.

“Yeah, sure.” he snorts, throwing the ball back at you. You catch it in your hands with a promise to yourself to throw it out when exiting the cafeteria later, when you feel a light tap on your shoulder that makes you turn around.

The sight in front of you makes you shoot your eyebrows up in shock, leaving you flustered and surprised. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to ask when we can hang out again to work on that essay, since it’s, you know, like half of our final grade…” mutters Seungmin, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and pointing his eyes at you, casually waiting for your answer.

“Oh, we’re not meeting again. I’m just going to email you the file when I’m done.” you shrug.

“But that’s unfair to me?” he offers, eyebrows shooting up and his hand falling to his side.

“Why would it be?”

“That gives me less time to work on it, you know. And you have to add your comments to my work anyways, so it would mean you’ll have to write those at the last-minute.” Seungmin explains, his tone of voice calm and collected, just as always, after all, making you roll your eyes and fume up again.

“I don’t really care,” you shrug, smiling ironically at his face.

“Why- what?” he asks, looking genuinely concerned and confused, eyebrows scrunching up and his voice raising a little by an octave.

You don’t answer him, though. You’ve had enough of his snarky comments and remarks in the coffee shop-- you weren’t going to meet up with Kim Seungmin again, even if it meant the possibility of getting a bad grade from your most favorite and treasured subject.

After the boy is met with silence, all he does is scoff at you, shooting his arms up into the air and shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re such a fucking child, oh my god.”

And with that, he strides off, your eyes following his every move to make sure he doesn’t come near you again. His steps are quick and angry, and this is actually the first time you’ve seen him get so frustrated with something. You take pride in getting him over the edge. You were finally even. He doesn’t look back once and you think you finally made it.

“Stop staring, Anne.” you hear from your friend sitting right in front of you, making you break away from your bubble and taking a look at him, seeing him amused and with a teasing grin plastered on his face.

“Fuck off.”

“Peace? I hate the word as I hate hell and all Montagues.” Mrs Jung reads out, when you start dozing off in the class. You’ve read the play a lot of times already, making you feel bored even by the repetitiveness of your class. You understand that she is just waiting for all of you to turn in your papers, not wanting to move on from Romeo and Juliet just yet, but you find yourself slowly falling asleep under the spell of her voice and the fact that you spent the whole night studying again. The sentence startles you awake, making you chuckle to yourself.

‘Peace? I hate the word as I hate hell and Kim Seungmin himself,’ you think. If Han Jisung could read minds, he would be surely teasing you with another smart remark of how much energy you’re spending by hating the poor boy and how it’s not possible for you to not fall in love with him soon after how much time he spends in your mind, but Han Jiung can’t read minds. And even if he could, you’d just tell him to fuck off. Because he is wrong.

“Am I boring you, Y/N?” asks Mrs Jung, fully startling you awake as you straighten your back and properly sit on your uncomfortable chair again.

“Of course not!” you call out, blinking rapidly to keep your eyes from closing on themselves again.

“Oh, I thought I was, by how tired you seem by listening to me.” she just smiles at you, then continues talking and looks at the other students in your class, leaving you to blush to yourself without giving you more attention.

You chew on the inside of your cheek, looking around the classroom. You feel embarrassed. You really didn’t mean to give your favorite professor the wrong idea-- you just got to bed really, really late yesterday. It happened often, but you guess that it just took a bigger stroll on you today.

Your eyes meet the orbs of your moral enemy, that just gazes into you with intensity. You quickly look away. Why is he doing that? His eyes look worried. He’s not supposed to look at you in such a way-- he’s supposed to laugh at how you’ve just been scolded. He just won a few points to himself by paying more attention than you, he just got on the better side with your favorite professor, yet he doesn’t look like he’s enjoying it at all.

A small piece of paper catches your interest from the corner of your eye. You read through it, recognising the loopy handwriting of your seat-mate.

did you stay up late studying again?

You sigh, taking a pen out of your pencil case and neatly writing under it, trying not to get caught by Mrs Jung. You really don’t want to get scolded for the second time today.

yeah

you should probably relax a little, your grades are already good to begin with

You roll your eyes at the note. Of course he’d say something like that. In elementary school, your grades were good without even trying. All you had to do was pay attention in class and write what you could remember, but now, in high school, everything is a little harder for you and you suddenly weren't good enough anymore. And yeah, you could say that grades don’t even matter that much, but for you, they meant everything.

yeah that’s bc i study jisung

now you’re falling asleep tho how is that helping

You don’t answer him. It’s not that he’s wrong. It’s just that… you’re not going to tell him that he is. Yes, you falling asleep wasn’t helping you in the tiniest, because the less you pay attention in class, the more you have to study at home, and the more you study, the less you sleep, which means you’re going to fall asleep in class the next day and it’s just an endless cycle.

sorry :( but just remember that grades aren’t everything Anne you can get an F once in a while

thanks

You write. But you don’t really mean it.

Because if you get an F, you’re not going to be the top of the class anymore.

And how will you get a scholarship if you’re not?

You arrive to the library, sighing to yourself as you quickly take your coat off and smile to Mrs Kim, the older librarian that let you work here part-time for the time being. You didn’t get paid much, but you loved the job. For the most part, it was easy-- there weren’t many people coming to libraries these days anymore and you could just stay behind the counter, occasionally letting people borrow books and writing them into the evidence. You had a lot of time to study there as well, it was silent and calm. Sometimes, you felt like your heart could rest a little in the small place.

“I’m sorry for coming late Mrs Kim, but the bus was late so I couldn’t get here sooner-” you rush out out of breath, dropping your backpack under the counter, ready to change seats with your employer that was done with her shift for the day.

“It’s totally okay, sweetheart, you know there’s no rush.” she smiles at you, reassuring your nerves with the gesture. You were glad you had such caring people around you. You met with Mrs Kim more than you did with your own mother-- it was strange, but comforting to know that at least someone close to a parental figure was still in your life.

Maybe you just hung yourself into older, reliable people because you lost the security you had in your own mother. Or because you didn’t even have a father to begin with. You don’t know if you’re doing the right thing, but in your heart, it surely feels like you are.

You nod at her, seeing her leave and wave at you as she takes her things with her before you’re left alone with your thoughts. You sit yourself on the chair, looking around for a moment, before you take out your notes and start working on your homework. The library felt like a safe space-- not that you didn’t have the silence and comfort at your own home, since you were home alone all the time anyway-- but here, at least you felt like there was a reason behind your loneliness. You were at work, after all.

You wonder if things would have been different for your mum if she didn’t have you so young. Maybe she would still be happy with your dad-- maybe she wouldn’t have to work a lot just to get you through life. It’s not easy, raising a child on your own when you are a child still, you realise that. And your mother does a good job-- at least you think she is-- but sometimes, you wish your life would be different.

You curse at your mother for being so reckless when she was young. If you’d be born later, she’d finish school. Give you a better life. Maybe, you would even have a father. You would be a little happy family, going on vacations and enjoying your lives.

Now, you’re stuck with trying your hardest to be the best at everything. To have your life figured out, because at your age, your mum surely didn’t. You know you shouldn’t blame her-- you need two people to create a child, but there was no other person for you to blame.

You try your hardest to get a scholarship, because you can’t pay for college on your own. You work so your mother doesn’t have to stay at her job over-night so often just to pay the bills. You educate yourself to be smart and successful-- because that will surely change your life for the better, right?

Suddenly, you hear the bell above the door of the library ring, startling you away from your thoughts. You look that way with a polite smile on your face you’ve taught yourself while working at customer service, ready to greet the customer with fake enthusiasm, when your mouth hangs open without a word. Startled would be an understatement to the feeling you feel at the moment.

“Hello,” the person greets politely, looking at you momentarily before going up to the counter with a stack of books in his hands. He looks up after placing them on the surface and that’s the moment when you see he realises your presence fully-- after seeing his face fall into shock.

“Good afternoon,” you grunt ironically, taking the books closer to yourself so you can check them in, recognising his eyes following your every move from the corner of your eye, “your ID?” you raise up your eyebrows at him, annoyance apparent in your features.

“Oh, right,” he catches himself, quickly patting every pocket of his clothing, until he puts up his hand into his backpack and browses through his wallet, slender fingers offering you the little card so you can scan the code.

The computer freezes for a bit and you curse to yourself-- did it really have to happen now? With Kim Seungmin watching you like an alien? The computer at your local library wasn’t the newest, per say. It didn’t even have to be, your usual customers were just as old, if not even older than that piece of machinery, they didn’t mind waiting. But now wasn’t the time for the computer to freeze. You feel yourself losing your nerves, bouncing your leg up and down, angrily glaring at the screen.

A minute passes, than another-- could it even get worse than this?

“So,” clears his throat Seungmin, making you snap your head up to meet his gaze, “what’s up?” he asks, shocking you again.

“Why do you care?” you snap, glaring at him instead. How dare he act so casually after saying all those mean things to you? You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Because you’re my classmate…?” he furrows his brows, tone of voice cautious, sounding like a question instead.

“And?” you ask, watching the screen of the computer instead, cursing at the new electronic system Mrs Kim decided to install. It would have been so much easier if you could just scribble down your signature on a small piece of paper and take the books like you used to do before, but no, she was all about innovation.

“And I thought we were civil enough for a casual conversation,” he rambles, making you snort in disbelief.

“Oh, we are anything but civil.” you respond, losing your nerves, taking your hand and angrily hitting the top of the screen, as if it was supposed to make the computer work. You violently curse under your breath, hitting it a few times, each one more lightly, until the program starts to work, finally registering the books back into the library evidence.

“Why do you even hate me so much?” he asks after you stop, looking at you with annoyed eyes and a look worthy of an oscar-winning actor. He didn’t care, you knew that, but he sure looked like he did.

You just scoff at him, shaking your head.

“Goodbye,” is all you offer him, his library ID in your hand, before he takes it and rolls his eyes at you again, like many times before. With that, he leaves-- just like you wanted him to-- and you can finally relax.

You sigh out, taking a seat on your chair again, angirly shutting your textbooks close and grunting under your breath. You put your head into your hands, resting them on the table, breathing heavily. You won’t even be able to study now, and it’s all thanks to him.

Why do you even hate him so much?

Kim Seungmin is an interesting individual. As you continue to work in the library the next week, you meet him there every single day. You don’t even have the energy to bark at him anymore-- he slid into your life like a gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Always there, but you never get used to it and it’s still annoying when you walk around.

Kim Seungmin is your moral enemy, as we already established. He comes into the library every day and you’re convinced it’s just because he wants to piss you off, but you don’t give him the satisfaction of letting him rile you up anymore. You just silently glare at him and sigh when the timing feels right to show him how much you actually still hate his presence.

He comes back one day while you’re working on your essay, sitting at the table with furrowed eyebrows and the end of your pen trapped between your teeth. The copy of the play is sitting open right in front of you and his eyes fall into it, recognising the underlined replicas and words. You didn’t work on that essay together ever since your first meeting and the due date was nearing, all he wanted to do was review it with you to at least know what he was getting into.

“Can you even read all of these books in a day when you keep coming back for more every time?” you grumpily mumble as you check back the books you, as the librarian, let him borrow yesterday. They are quite thin, but still, you doubt he was so quick to read all of them in a single afternoon.

“Why do you care?” he asks, snickering to himself. Of course, here he is-- annoying every single cell and fiber of your body again.

“Oh, trust me, I don’t. It’s just getting a little annoying.” you ironically smile at him, sitting back to your chair as you finish lending him the new stash of books. You’re not even sure where he got all of these from, since they don’t even look that interesting, but you choose not to think about it any longer as you get back to your essay, scribbling onto the lined paper.

“I like what you’ve written so far,” he says, startling you. You thought he left already-- I mean, why would he even stay? But he didn’t and he was standing right in front of you, eyes skimming over your messy handwriting.

“No you don’t. You’re arguing against me.” you snap back, darting your eyes to him, seeing him sigh.

“Whatever,” he shakes his head, “I was just wondering when you’re going to finally stop being so childish so we can work on that project together, you know.”

“I’m not childish-”

“Stop arguing with me for once, for god’s sake!” he rushes out, throwing his arms in the air in nerves, huffing out in frustration. “Look, I’ll be here tomorrow. The same time. I’ll bring my things and if you still don’t let me work with you, I won’t write anything and we’ll get a bad grade together. Take it or leave it.”

And with that, he is gone.

Fuck Kim Seungmin.

Turns out your enemy is a man of his word.

He truly does show up the next day-- with his backpack slung on his shoulder, cute big glasses sitting on his nose and a stack of papers in his hands. He raises his brows at you upon arriving and you just let out a defeated sigh.

You put a lot of thought into this yesterday evening. Did you hate Kim Seungmin? Of course you did. Was he really annoying? Yes. But were you going to get a bad grade just because of that? Not a chance.

And so you choose to give up on the small war and let him sit in front of you, you let him casually ask you questions about the essay and surprisingly, you answer. It is kind of easy, working with a partner on the same exact level as you, because, and now, don’t get me wrong, you love your classmates, but it seemed like you did all the work all the time. It was nice to have somebody by your side that actually managed to do something and took his part responsibly.

“So, since we’re not just gonna go there and argue right from the start, I wrote a little something about William Shakespeare and his background as well in the introduction, I actually didn’t get around to writing the introduction to the play itself, but-”

“Oh that’s fine, I have it done. We can just stick that in there,” he smiles at you warmly, taking you by a surprise.

You’ve never seen Kim Seungmin smile at you. It was strange to act so friendly around him. Perhaps you were really losing your mind while studying so much.

“Perfect.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“I also have the general storyline written down so you don’t have to do that…” he mumbles, looking away for a while when your eyes meet. Is this supposed to be so awkward?

“Nice.” you opt to simply reply in your usual cold nature, nodding.

“Can you tell me which topics you wrote about? So I know if I need to write my part about more things…” he takes the initiative again and you’re actually kind of glad, because that means you don’t have to think of the schedule of your little meeting anymore.

“Oh, right,” you say, shuffling around in your papers, “um… I just wrote about the age aspect, how reckless their love was, the image of love itself in the play, I also wrote about how meaningless the rivalry was…” you mumble, averting your eyes to the blue ink on the paper.

“Awesome, so we have all of that done… except from the love thing. Okay, I’ll write it next time I come around, since I have tutoring in a few,” he smiles, standing up from the chair, taking all of his things with him.

“Next time?”

“Yeah, well, we still have to finish it. You’ll be here on Tuesday, right? Since the class is on Thursday, so we can have time for the finishing touches.” he proposes, leaving you staring at him, startled.

“O...kay,” you nod, watching him leave.

“Perfect! I’ll see you around, bye!” he cheers, escaping the library that now feels so much hotter than before, leaving you all alone. You notice his tall figure rushing the other way of the library, watching it until it disappears completely out of your sight.

You notice how hot your cheeks are, bringing a hand to rest against the burning surface, taking deep breaths to somehow calm down the racing heart you are only recognising now, that he’s gone.

You still have a lot of work to do before Tuesday-- one of your tasks, it seems, is to try to not fall for his friendly nature and welcoming smile. Because perhaps, he was right all along-- why do you even hate him so much?

Kim Seungmin has always been your moral enemy-- you despised everything about him, from the way he was always so calm and collected, so sweet and caring, so smart and thoughtful. You despised his composure. You despised the way he always somehow managed to make friends with everyone around him no matter who the person was.

He was everything you weren’t. You were just the quiet kid from a broken family that always had to look after herself. You were the kid that had to keep on trying to be the best one, because your mind didn’t let you accept the second place.

Yet now, that Kim Seungmin is sitting right in front of you with a sweet smile plastered onto his features and a stack of notes in his hands, making your heart race with his every move, you start to quietly doubt your silent hatred for the boy.

He makes it so easy to be likeable. You’re jealous of him.

“Okay, so, do you want to start reading? I think it might help us to have a run down before presenting this on Thursday,” he asks you, leaving you to take a deep breath in, nodding to yourself.

You skip the introduction bits-- both of you know a little too much about the play and its author already, you have no reason to be reading those parts out loud. Something inside of you starts shaking at the thought of presenting your work to him. You were never really good with presentations, your quiet nature leaving you getting hot in the cheeks and stammering every time you had to read in front of the class, but now, it feels even worse with the boy staring at you, listening to everything you have to say.

“They say Romeo and Juliet describe a love that surpasses all boundaries, but a close reading of the play suggests the lovers’ feelings are more complicated than pure love. If we look, we can find plenty of evidence that Romeo and Juliet’s love for one another is, at least initially, immature. Romeo begins the play claiming to be passionately in love with another woman, Rosaline. When he sees Juliet, he abandons Rosaline before he has even spoken to his new love, which suggests that his feelings for both women are superficial. Juliet, meanwhile, seems to be motivated by defying her parents. She is unenthusiastic about her parents’ choice of husband for her, and at the party where she is supposed to meet Paris, she instead kisses Romeo after exchanging just fourteen lines of dialogue with him. When Romeo returns to see Juliet, she is focused on marriage. For Juliet, part of the appeal of marriage is that it will free her from her parents: ‘I’ll no longer be a Capulet’,” you read out quietly. The room is silent, you can even hear the passing cars outside of the window, but Seungmin says nothing. You pay a daring look to him, finding him focused on your face, which makes you shakily drift your eyes back, reading some more so you can distract yourself.

“Marriage is, also, another great aspect of the story-- Juliet is only 13 in the play and even though we can argue and say that historically, she was of age to get married, I still think it is irresponsible to marry so young and so quickly. It brings a bad view of reckless love to young readers that are forced to read the play while growing up.” you continue, hearing Seungmin smirk from the other side of the table.

“‘With love’s light wings did I o’erperch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out’, Romeo says, however, to Juliet, all of the freedom she gets from love sparks in the idea of leaving her parents so she can have sex.” you read out, hearing Seungmin finally burst out laughing.

You stop reading, looking up to him with questioning eyes.

“Why are you so dramatic about all of it anyway?” he asks you, making you furrow your brows in confusion.

“What do you mean dramatic? I was supposed to write about my own view of it, so I did just that. You don’t have to laugh at me for it,” you shake your head, kind of feeling pathetic for the way your heart is racing. The thing is, and you know it sounds ridiculous, you actually feel kind of hurt by the sound of his laughter.

“I understand that, but why do you keep bashing the author for writing it like that? It’s like you don’t even believe in love, all you did was criticise all of the ideas he had. And so what if they were young and reckless? They were still in love, you know?” he rambles, making your blood boil again.

“You can’t just ignore all of it because it was in history. I don’t think it’s normal to marry so young and to claim you are in love so quickly, because you know what? If they survived, they would make a child. And then, they would realise how they fucked up their own life and Romeo would run away from her with a snap of his finger, because that’s what young, immature boys do. And then-” you raise your voice, not even realising how heated you got with the argument as you continue to ramble. The vision of your own parents and your own story is slowly eating you all up from the inside, when suddenly, Seungmin cuts you off again with a laugh.

“But you don’t know that. It’s not even in the play and your conspiracies are just… pathetic, really,” he shrugs, taking in your distressed state.

Pathetic conspiracies. Is this what he called your life?

“Leave.” you say, breathing heavy.

“What? We didn’t even-”

“You criticize everything I write, not even recognising that maybe I do have a reason for feeling like this and maybe I really do not want to idolise young, immature love when I know just how much damage it can make, so please, for the love of god, Kim Seungmin, leave me alone!” you yell out, standing up from your chair and pointing to the door.

“Y/N-”

“I said get out!” you scream. His deep eyes stare at you for a few minutes, startled, before he hurriedly takes his things and leaves through the front door.

Once you’re finally alone again, you sigh heavily and put your head into your hands. You feel your eyes burning, trying to desperately blink away the stupid tears filling your saddened orbs, but it’s no use as you see a few teadrops fall onto the opened copy of Romeo and Juliet on the table.

‘It’s easy for someone to joke about scars if they’ve never been cut.’, it says.

Maybe you were fooling yourself when you thought Kim Seungmin will no longer be your enemy after all of this.

10.

You raise up to your feet when Mrs Jung calls on you on Friday. You already know what’s going to happen-- you’d been preparing yourself for this moment for the past two long, miserable days. You hadn’t spoken to Seungmin since that day in the library and frankly, you feel like after all of this, you have nothing to say to him. You feel like all energy has been sucked out of you, like you are just a walking cage without a soul just ready for this whole project to be over.

You scan the faces of your classmates, most of them looking interested by your essay. They must be expecting drama, an outburst of emotions as you listen to Seungmin’s words, but you won’t give them the satisfaction today. You’re just going to do your part-- you’re going to read out what you have to say and that’s where it ends. You’re not wasting your energy on Kim Seungmin anymore. It’s not worth your time at all.

So you start, just like that time in the library. You make all your points, you mention all of the topics you wanted to discuss. You throw it right in front of their faces, silently confessing to them all of your deepest secrets and insecurities, because the truth is, you wouldn’t feel so strongly about the play if it didn’t affect you as much.

And when you’re done, you let your rival speak. You listen to him with curiosity, it doesn’t matter how much you’re trying to convince yourself you don’t actually care. His words flow into your ears and fill your mind with thoughts, every single one of them dedicated to his neat handwriting and his brain full of mysteries he is currently uncovering right in front of you.

“To be honest, Y/N’s words made me think. They made me think too hard. They made me question if my point of view was actually as correct as I thought it was. You see, Y/N is a smart girl. No one can deny that. Perhaps that is what made me doubt my own words so much in the first place,” he starts, looking you directly in the eye, but quickly averting his eyes to the small group of people in the classroom instead, “but still, even though there are some points of her essay that I agree with-- like the age aspect, even though historically, it could be meaningless, as well as the way their marriage comes too fast, there are still things I strongly disagree on.”

He takes a deep breath, shuffling the papers in his hands until he finds the right one, and starts speaking again. “Y/N says their love isn’t as pure as it seems to be. With Romeo abandoning Rosaline and with Juliet desperately wanting to break away from her parents, it may seem that way. However, I think that yet, while the two characters may have initially fell for each other due to a mixture of convenience and lust, Romeo and Juliet’s language shows their passion maturing into real love,” he says, taking a short look at you that makes your insides burn in flames, “In their first meeting, they compose a sonnet together using the religious language of pilgrimage. They both start using astrological language to describe their love. As their relationship develops, they use less rhyme, which has the effect of making their language feel less artificial. These changes in the lovers’ language show that they are growing together. They are growing to care more deeply for each other, they are growing into a feeling of love they have for each other.”

“Another thing I disagree with Y/N on is her image of love. ‘Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn,’ she quotes. Romeo asks his friend, Mercutio, this question when he feels hurt by his love. Yet, as I already mentioned, in my opinion, love is growing. And growing is a journey-- in every journey, there is going to be some pain,” he looks at you again, as if to tell you that his words aren’t meant for the class, but for you and your ears only. It doesn’t look like he’s arguing with you anymore--he is simply telling you what’s on his mind. What he believes in.

“In theory, I think love is beautiful. I understand the pain and I understand the journey. And with me saying I disagree, I’m not saying Y/N’s opinion is wrong. It’s simply what she believes in,” he nods his head, locking his eyes with Mrs Jung, “but perhaps, it’s the romantic in me that believes that the image of love portrayed in this book was, in fact, beautiful.”

He clears his throat, looking at you again, but this time, his eyes don’t drift to the papers in his hand, rather speaking from his memory instead of reading out the things he had written down. “‘The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars as daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing, and think it were not night.’ Isn’t that beautiful?” he averts his eyes to the class, smiling to himself and looking to the ground.

Somehow, his words feel heavy on you. Like they hold the weight of the world, like what he said wasn’t just to prove a point to you. Perhaps Kim Seungmin saw through the hurt you feel-- perhaps he tried to understand. Maybe, he even tried to make you feel better.

Somehow, his words feel like a confession. His ending ment of saying ‘thank you for your time’ goes unnoticed in your brain, everything turning blurry as the bell rings just as your presentation ends, your brain, eyes-- your whole being focused on Kim Seungmin and the way his voice recitated the words with such passion in his heart.

“‘And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that feeds their fury,’” the voice of your English literature teacher cuts through your senses like a knife, the smile on her face bringing you back to reality, “Good job, you two.”

11.

A kick in a face wouldn’t hit you harder than seeing Kim Seungmin appear in the library the next day. You aren’t prepared to see him, not when all you’ve been thinking of the last night without being able to fall asleep were his words, his mind and his face. You saw him every time you closed your eyes-- it was like he suddenly imprinted himself into your brain. It was crazy. You felt crazy.

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. Romeo and Juliet got married the next day.

How much time did it take you to fall in love with Kim Seungmin?

Suddenly, you have no idea. And what makes it all worse is the fact that somehow, it all makes sense in your eyes. Maybe Jisung was right when he told you that giving so much energy into hating the boy would somehow make you end up like the 21st century replica of Anne of the Green Gables and Gilbert Blythe.

“Hello,” he breathes out, the corners of his mouth slightly curving up before he bites the nervous smile down, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Hi,” you shyly greet him, noticing the book in his hands alongside with the library card, taking it from his reached-out hand. You recognise the book way too well, the hard covers a little dusty and the spine damaged from the amount of people that had borrowed this book from the library before.

You take the copy of Romeo and Juliet and place it on the table, registering it back into the database. It feels like a chapter of your life is ending. It seems like forever since you’ve been assigned the project, but in a way, you know that nothing will ever be the same.

You kept thinking of his words in the night. How in his romantic mind, love is beautiful. And it’s a journey that requires pain, in a way.

You kept thinking of how your parents were in love. And then, they were in pain. It was their journey that somehow ended up with you being born, ended up with your father leaving you because he couldn’t bear the responsibility. You kept thinking about how you used to blame your mother, even though all she ever did was raise you and love you. And in a way, you knew Seungmin was right and love was beautiful-- it brought your mum pain, but she was happy while it lasted. And you were the proof of that.

You give him back his library ID, fully expecting him to leave without another word, but he doesn’t. He takes it back from your hold, slipping the card into his back pocket, giving you a meaningful look as he sighs.

“I-”

“Look-”

You both start at the same time, nervously laughing before prompting the other one to speak first. You avert your eyes away from his face, letting him know you won’t be the first one to speak this time, patiently waiting for him to start talking.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry if I ever made it seem like I hate you or anything, because, well, it’s quite the opposite, really,” he chuckles, wiping his hands against his pants, “I never had the guts to hold a proper conversation with you before, because honestly, I was too shy to do that, since you’re like… so smart and everything, but yeah,” he sighs again, shortly looking you in the eyes before finishing his little speech, “I’m just… sorry, I guess?”

You feel your lips tugging into a smile, shaking your head in disbelief before speaking up again. “No, I should be the one saying sorry, because I was the one acting like a bitch… I guess that were just my own insecurities getting in the way.”

His smile mirrors yours in no time, taking your breath away as you curse in your own head. You feel crazy. So, so damn crazy for liking it so much.

“It’s okay. I guess we both had some things that came in the way. If I wasn’t acting so cold, maybe you wouldn’t hate me as much-”

“No, it’s not your fault!” you stop him, reaching out a hand to gesture him that he is talking nonsense.

He nervously shifts his weight from one leg to another, taking a short look at his shoes, gaining all of his courage before speaking up again. “I know this may sound ridiculous, but would you maybe want to… hang out sometime?”

“Hang out?” you repeat, voice a few octaves higher than usual.

“Y-yeah,” he nods, eyes big, “I was actually thinking of asking you out on a date but since you used to hate me until now, I didn’t want to go too fast-”

“It can be a date,” you jump in. The voice in your head is screaming at you now, hell, it is running around your head and hitting the walls in anger and panic. How the hell did you end up in this position? Asking Kim Seungmin out on a date? You really must be ridiculous.

“Okay,” he smiles, urgently nodding.

“Okay.” you grin. You exchange a daring stare into each other’s eyes before he deeply inhales and scratches the back of his neck, turning on his heel and quickly pacing to the door. You almost think he’s going to leave, but he quickly looks back and stops in his tracks, shooting you one last, bright smile.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow!” he cheers, not even letting you respond before he runs out of the door.

As the library falls into dead silence, you take a seat on the chair, sighing deeply and bringing your head into your palms resting on the table, just like many times before when Seungmin left the comfort of the library, but this time, there’s a goofy smile playing with your lips as you think of the last few minutes, chuckling to yourself. This was an outcome you did not expect from the project-- but it’s an outcome you don’t mind at all.

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. How long did it take you?

It’s fair to say at least two weeks.

Maybe you were foolish and maybe it will hurt, but there’s something tempting at the warm feeling in your chest and the excitement Seungmin’s presence makes you feel, and that feeling alone doesn’t let you give up on this just yet.

Your eyes fall to the opened book of Romeo and Juliet you’d left on your table just before he arrived, meaning to return the copy of the play to the library. You’re met with a sentence that makes you chuckle at the irony, the foolishness washing over you mixed with a feeling of joy you can’t quite comprehend yet, but welcome it with your arms wide open and expecting heart.

‘My only love sprung from my only hate.’

709 notes · View notes

littlemixnet · 4 years ago

Quote

To me, a good ally is someone who is consistent in their efforts – there’s a difference between popping on a pride playlist or sprinkling yourself in rainbow glitter once a year and actually defending LGBT+ people against discrimination. It means showing my LGBT+ fans that I support them wholeheartedly and am making a conscious effort to educate myself, raise awareness and show up whenever they need me to. It would be wrong of me to benefit from the community as a musician without actually standing up and doing what I can to support. As someone in the public eye, it’s important to make sure your efforts are not performative or opportunistic. I’m always working on my allyship and am very much aware that I’ve still got a lot of unlearning and learning to do. There are too many what I call ‘dormant allies’, believing in equality but not really doing more than liking or reposting your LGBT+ mate’s content now and again. Imagine if that friend then saw you at the next march, or signing your name on the next petition fighting for their rights? Being an ally is also about making a conscious effort to use the right language and pronouns, and I recently read a book by Glennon Doyle who spoke of her annoyance and disappointment of those who come out and are met with ‘We love you…no matter what’. I’d never thought of that expression like that before and it really struck a chord with me. ‘No matter what’ suggests you are flawed. Being LGBT+ is not a flaw. Altering your language and being conscious of creating a more comfortable environment for your LGBT+ family and friends is a good start. Nobody is expecting you to suddenly know it all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect ally. I’m still very much learning. Even recently, after our Confetti music video I was confronted with the fact that although we made sure our video was incredibly inclusive, we hadn’t brought in any actual drag kings. Some were frustrated, and they had every right to be. You can have the right intentions and still fall short. As an open ally I should have thought about that, and I hadn’t, and for that I apologise. Since then I’ve been doing more research on drag king culture, because it’s definitely something I didn’t know enough about, whether that was because it isn’t as mainstream yet mixed with my own ignorance. But the point is we mess up, we apologise, we learn from it and we move forward with that knowledge. Don’t let the fear of f**king up scare you off. And make sure you are speaking alongside the community, not for the community. Growing up in a small Northern working-class town, some views were, and probably still are, quite ‘old fashioned’ and small-minded. I witnessed homophobia at an early age. It was a common thought particularly among men that it was wrong to be anything but heterosexual. I knew very early on I didn’t agree with this, but wasn’t educated or aware enough on how to combat it. I did a lot of performing arts growing up and within that space I had many LGBT+ (mainly gay) friends. I’ve been a beard many a time let me tell you! But it was infuriating to see friends not feel like they could truly be themselves. When I moved to London I felt incredibly lonely and like I didn’t fit in. It was my gay friends (mainly my friend and hairstylist, Aaron Carlo) who took me under their wing and into their world. Walking into those gay bars or events like Sink The Pink, it was probably the first time I felt like I was in a space where everyone in that room was celebrated exactly as they are. It was like walking into a magical wonderland. I got it. I clicked with everyone. My whole life I struggled with identity – being mixed race for me meant not feeling white enough, or black enough, or Arab enough. I was a ‘tomboy’ and very nerdy. I suppose on a personal level that maybe played a part in why I felt such a connection or understanding of why those spaces for the LGBT+ community are so important. One of the most obvious examples of first realising Little Mix was having an effect in the community was that I couldn’t enter a gay bar without hearing a Little Mix song and watching numerous people break out into full choreo from our videos! I spent the first few years of our career seeing this unfold and knowing the LGBT+ fan base were there, but it wasn’t until I got my own Instagram or started properly going through Twitter DMs that I realised a lot of our LGBT+ fans were reaching out to us on a daily basis saying how much our music meant to them. I received a message from a boy in the Middle East who hadn’t come out because in his country homosexuality is illegal. His partner tragically took their own life and he said our music not only helped him get through it, but gave him the courage to start a new life somewhere else where he could be out and proud. There are countless other stories like theirs, which kind of kickstarted me into being a better ally. Another standout moment would be when we performed in Dubai in 2019. We were told numerous times to ‘abide by the rules’, which meant not promoting anything LGBT+ or too female-empowering (cut to us serving a four-part harmony to Salute). In my mind, we either didn’t go or we’d go and make a point. When Secret Love Song came on, we performed it with the LGBT+ flag taking up the whole screen behind us. The crowd went wild, I could see fans crying and singing along in the audience and when we returned it was everywhere in the press. I saw so many positive tweets and messages from the community. It made laying in our hotel rooms s**tting ourselves that we’d get arrested that night more than worth it. It was through our fans and through my friends I realised I need to be doing more in my allyship. One of the first steps in this was meeting with the team at Stonewall to help with my ally education and discussing how I could be using my platform to help them and in turn the community. Right now, and during lockdown, I’d say my ally journey has been a lot of reading on LGBT+ history, donating to the right charities and raising awareness on current issues such as the conversion therapy ban and the fight for equality of trans lives. Stonewall is facing media attacks for its trans-inclusive strategies and there is an alarming amount of seemingly increasing transphobia in the UK today and we need to be doing more to stand with the trans community. Still, there is definitely a pressure I feel as someone in the public eye to constantly be saying and doing the right things, especially with cancel culture becoming more popular. I s**t myself before most interviews now, on edge that the interviewer might be waiting for me to ‘slip up’ or I might say something that can be misconstrued. Sometimes what can be well understood talking to a journalist or a friend doesn’t always translate as well written down, which has definitely happened to me before. There’ve been moments where I’ve (though well intentioned) said the wrong thing and had an army of Twitter warriors come at me. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously more serious levels of f**king up that are worthy of a cancelling. But it was quite daunting to me to think that all of my previous allyship could be forgotten for not getting something right once. When that’s happened to me before I’ve scared myself into thinking I should STFU and not say anything, but I have to remember that I am human, I’m going to f**k up now and again and as long as I’m continuing to educate myself to do better next time then that’s OK. I’m never going to stop being an ally so I need to accept that there’ll be trickier moments along the way. I think that might be how some people may feel, like they’re scared to speak up as an ally in case they say the wrong thing and face backlash. Just apologise to the people who need to be apologised to, and show that you’re doing what you can to do better and continue the good fight. Don’t burden the community with your guilt. When it comes to the music industry, I’m definitely seeing a lot more LGBT+ artists come through and thrive, which is amazing. Labels, managements, distributors and so forth need to make sure they’re not just benefiting from LGBT+ artists but show they’re doing more to actually stand with them and create environments where those artists and their fans feel safe. A lot of feedback I see from the community when coming to our shows is that they’re in a space where they feel completely free and accepted, which I love. I get offered so many opportunities to do with LGBT+ based shows or deals and while it’s obviously flattering, I turn most of them down and suggest they give the gig to someone more worthy of that role. But really, I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place. The fee for any job I do take that feels right for me but has come in as part of the community goes to LGBT+ charities. That’s not me blowing smoke up my own arse, I just think the more of us and big companies that do that, the better. We need more artists, more visibility, more LGBT+ mainstream shows, more shows on LGBT+ history and more artists standing up as allies. We have huge platforms and such an influence on our fans – show them you’re standing by them. I’ve seen insanely talented LGBT+ artist friends in the industry who are only recently getting the credit they deserve. It’s amazing but it’s telling that it takes so long. It’s almost expected that it will be a tougher ride. We also need more understanding and action on the intersectionality between being LGBT+ and BAME. Racism exists in and out of the community and it would be great to see more and more companies in the industry doing more to combat that. The more we see these shows like Drag Race on our screens, the more we can celebrate difference. Ever since I was a little girl, my family would go to Benidorm and we’d watch these glamorous, hilarious Queens onstage; I was hooked. I grew up listening to and loving the big divas – Diana Ross (my fave), Cher, Shirley Bassey, and all the queens would emulate them. I was amazed at their big wigs, glittery overdrawn make-up and fabulous outfits. They were like big dolls. Most importantly, they were unapologetically whoever the f**k they wanted to be. As a shy girl who didn’t really understand why the world was telling me all the things I should be, I almost envied the queens but more than anything I adored them. Drag truly is an art form, and how incredible that every queen is different; there are so many different styles of drag and to me they symbolise courage and freedom of expression. Everything you envisioned your imaginary best friend to be, but it’s always been you. There’s a reason why the younger generation are loving shows like Drag Race. These kids can watch this show and not only be thoroughly entertained, but be inspired by these incredible people who are unapologetically themselves, sharing their touching stories and who create their own support systems and drag families around them. Now and again I think of when I’d see those Queens in Benidorm, and at the end they’d always sing I Am What I Am as they removed their wigs and smudged their make up off, and all the dads would be up on their feet cheering for them, some emotional, like they were proud. But that love would stop when they’d go back home, back to their conditioned life where toxic heteronormative behaviour is the status quo. Maybe if those same men saw drag culture on their screens they’d be more open to it becoming a part of their everyday life. I’ll never forget marching with Stonewall at Manchester Pride. I joined them as part of their young campaigners programme, and beforehand we sat and talked about allyship and all the young people there asked me questions while sharing some of their stories. We then began the march and I can’t explain the feeling and emotion watching these young people with so much passion, chanting and being cheered by the people they passed. All of these kids had their own personal struggles and stories but in this environment, they felt safe and completely proud to just be them. I knew the history of Pride and why we were marching, but it was something else seeing what Pride really means first hand. My advice for those who want to use their voice but aren’t sure how is, just do it hun. It’s really not a difficult task to stand up for communities that need you. Change can happen quicker with allyship.

Jade Thirlwall on the power, and pressures, of being an LGBT ally: ‘I’m gonna f**k up now and again’

#jade thirlwall #lgbt

230 notes · View notes

imkylotrash · 4 years ago

Text

Golden

Pairing: Sky x reader

Requests: The reader is Stella’s sister but Sky is secretly in love with her and he confesses. Anonymous

and

Could you write where sky is with a princess of solaria (Stellas sister) and they attempt to keep it secret from Stella and set before the summer of the events on the fate the winx saga is set.

A/N I paired these request because they were so similar and would have the exact same plot line. Will be doing this to a couple of the requests since they’re so similar.

“Free at last!” you exclaim as you walk out the doors of Alfea with Sky in tow. You’ve finally finished your last exam and now it’s time to just enjoy the summer.

“So, what’s your plans then?” Sky asks propping his arm around your shoulders. There’s nothing new in this but you still get butterflies. At this point, it’s just a given whenever he touches you.

“Oh, you know. Travelling through the realms, visiting all my rich friends. I may even buy a yacht just to pass the time.” It’s a bit of an inside joke between you and Sky. He knows you’ll have to return to Solaria and face the dragon.

“What about you? Will you be alright?” You’re a little worried about leaving him here. Stella had decided to dump him just days before the exams once again proving that the girl had no regard for other people. Needless to say, you weren’t the biggest fan of your sister. She always tried to live up to your mother’s expectations and acted more than royally around school whereas you had decided that the disappointed frown your mother wore every time you saw her actually suited her face.

“Yeah,” he says shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “I’ll be fine. I have Silva.” It’s right then and there you decide that there’s a greater need for you here than hiding away back in Solaria.

“You know, my mother is already profoundly disappointed in me. I don’t think it would make much of a difference if I were to stay.” Sky’s smile is brighter than the sun when he realises you’ll be staying right here with him.

“Thank you,” he says hugging you tightly. He’s never been one to share him emotions easily but over the years you’ve learned to decipher his many facial expressions and there was just no way you would leave him right now. Your mother is as delighted as you expected when you tell her of your plans for the summer but you figure she’ll forgive you at some point. The way you see it, there’s a throne waiting for you back at Solaria and you want to enjoy freedom as long as you possibly can. Sometimes, you catch yourself wishing that Stella was the older sister. She’d be much more suited for the royal life but there’s a strict code of conduct when it comes to heirs and you’re the first born so the crown will eventually be placed on your head.

“You won’t be returning with me?” Stella asks as she’s packing up her suitcase. Her tone in stern already setting you off.

“I’ll be spending enough time there once I graduate.”

“Oh yes. The ever-repeating speech on how this is your moment of freedom and you won’t give it up for anything,” Stella mocks clearly upset to be facing mother alone. You feel a pang of guilt knowing what you’re sending Stella back to but the two of you have never been able to see eye to eye especially when it came to mother’s expectations of her daughters.

“You’re welcome to stay here at Alfea if you’d like.” It’s an offer made to be polite because you know she’ll never accept it.

“Please. Someone has to be responsible and return home. Our people look to the royal family for support. We can’t all pretend to be someone else.”

“I’m not pretending, Stella. If I could give you the crown, I gladly would. If I had my way, I’d be just another fairy attending Alfea.” It’s a discussion you’ve had more than once and it’s always the same outcome. You don’t want the crown and Stella does but your mother would never allow the two of you to switch. Stella doesn’t say goodbye when she leaves and you’re okay with that. Instead you head out to find Sky.

“Ready for the summer of your life?” you ask him and he smiles. It passes by too fast. The picnics out on the field, Silva training with you, walks in the forest at night. It’s nothing grand but it becomes the perfect summer on the final day when Sky pulls you aside as all the students start to arrive.

“I have to tell you something. I’ve been wanting to all summer but I was scared I might ruin it.” Your heart skips a beat but you tell yourself that it’s probably not what you think it is. Rather than making assumptions, you stay quiet waiting for him to speak.

“When this summer started, I thought I’d spend it alone and heartbroken over Stella but then you stayed. And I know it seems insane since you’re Stella’s sister, but I just can’t help but feel the way I do around you,” he smiles. It’s too good to be true. There has to be some kind of catch or problem in your way but right now everything feels perfect. You carefully take his hand and intertwine your fingers with his and Sky’s cheeks turn red. He’s always so gentle and kind so you know you’ll have to make the first move. As you stare into his eyes, you notice little specks of green mixed with the blue. You finally close your eyes, lean in and kiss him. Something you’ve wanted to do since you laid eyes on him the first time. You pull away with a huge smile plastered on your face thinking this moment is perfect and then you spot her.

“Stella.” Thankfully, she hasn’t seen you but it’s only a matter of time before she’ll spot the two of you. Hand in his, you drag him with you behind a tree keeping you out of sight.

“Of all the things I imagined you’d say after our first kiss, Stella wasn’t one of them.” He’s teasing you but you feel horrible. Despite your many differences, you do care about Stella and it would kill her to know that you’re dating her ex-boyfriend. You’re not even sure if she’s properly done with him or not and just thinking about her finding out about the two of you is enough to make your skin crawl.

“She can’t know,” you plead looking into his eyes. He has to understand the importance of it. She’s not strong enough mentally to handle this.

“Hey, relax,” he says cupping your cheeks, “how about we keep it to ourselves until we know what this is?” You know you don’t want to give him up but you don’t want to hurt Stella. His offer gives you him and keeps Stella blissfully unaware of the relationship which is good enough for you.

“Okay. Just you and me, no one else can know.”

“Please just kiss me,” he whispers leaning in and you don’t know how you could ever refuse him. Over the next few weeks, you and Sky have stolen moments between classes and nights spent wrapped in each other’s arms. You know you shouldn’t but you love him. One night you whisper it when you think he’s sleeping and he almost gives you a heart attack when he whispers it back.

“I thought you were sleeping,” you whisper-yell trying to hide your face in his chest.

“You’ve been turning around every two seconds. It’s impossible to fall asleep,” he chuckles wrapping his arms tightly around you.

“I’m sorry, I have a lot on my mind,” you sigh.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks turning on the lamp by his bedside table. It showers Sky in a golden light making him look more angelic than human. It’s not fair how some people look so beautiful without even trying.

“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know where to start,” you reply sitting up and leaning your back against the wall. You want to tell Stella so you can be done with sneaking around. As much fun as it’s been, you’re getting tired of watching Stella try to flirt with him because she decided he was good enough after all. Of course, he’s been turning her down but it just doesn’t seem to click with her. But you also know it’s a risk telling her since she’s not likely to congratulate you.

“I guess I’m just tired of sneaking around,” you finally say. He signals for you to lay down with him again and you have no reservation as you crawl into his arms.

“I’m ready for it when you are. Frankly, I just want to tell everyone you’re mine so the boys leave you alone.”

“Please, you literally have a whole fan club waiting for you at every corner giggling and blushing if you even look in their direction.” Sky has become very popular now that he appears single and you can’t blame them. He is ridiculously handsome and more importantly, he’s kind and patient and warm. Right about now, he’s your favourite person in the whole world.

“I do not,” he protests but even he knows it is the truth. His face is serious when he says: “Maybe we should tell her. I know you wanted to protect her but we can’t hide it forever. You’re expected to marry at some point and so am I.”

“I know. I know. I just feel like a horrible sister.” This feeling of guilt comes as a surprise. You’ve never been that close but you don’t want to be the reason she’s hurting.

“You’re not a horrible sister. Everything you’ve done these past few weeks has been to make sure she didn’t get hurt. It’s not selfish to want to be happy, Y/N.” But that’s just it. You’re already far too aware of your own happiness. It’s the reason you always stay away from Solaria and the expectations of the crown. It’s why you’re lying in bed with Sky right now. You've always put your own happiness first and you’ve never had a problem with it until now.

“I’ll talk to her first thing in the morning then.” He kisses you one last time before you both fall asleep. You wake up to a note from him informing you that Silva had added a morning practice which meant you had no reason not to march into Stella’s room right now and tell her about you and Sky.

“Can I talk to you?” you ask entering Stella’s bedroom.

“If you must,” she replies not even bothering to look at you.

“I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it. I’m dating Sky,” you force yourself to keep going even as she goes completely rigid, “and I have been for a while now. I’ve kept it a secret because I never meant for this to happen and I didn’t want to hurt you. But it’s getting serious now and I needed you to know. I promise I’d never ever go for him if I didn’t have feelings for him.” She’s quiet for so long you’re worried she might just never speak to you again.

“I’m not happy you kept it from me but I suppose if he has to date someone else, it wouldn’t be horrible if it was you.” Relief floods your body as you realise that she’s not breaking and she doesn’t hate you.

“Thank you.” This is about as heartfelt as it’ll ever be between you and Stella. You share a moment locking eyes with each other before she turns her back to you.

“I’m going to go then,” you say slowly backing towards the door. Stella doesn’t say anymore but the fact that you’re still breathing is a much better reaction than you’d dared hope for. Immediately after you head to the training grounds to find Sky. Once you spot him, you run right into his arms and he lifts you from the ground.

“I love you,” you say kissing him in front of everyone. It’s so freeing to know that the secret is out.

“I love you too.”

#sky x reader #sky blurb #sky imagine #sky gif #sky #winx saga #fate the winx club #fate the winx saga #fate winx club #winx club #fate winx #fate #stella #stella blurb

312 notes · View notes

hoedorokishoto · 4 years ago

Text

Trust - Part 1

Shoto Todoroki x Reader

+ Minors DNI

| part | next

“You know, if you just stopped getting kicked in the head, I wouldn’t need to fix your gear all the time.” I said, my hands running over the smooth metal of Hitoshi’s voice modulator. Different from the first one I had made him 2 years ago; small changes being made to help your best friend become the best hero he could be.

“Maybe I miss hanging out with you. You are worth a swift kick to the head.” He said from behind me, walking around the room as he spoke. Looking at the various machines, weapons, and other projects I was working on in the workshop. I laughed at his response, shaking my head as I screwed the missing panel back into place.

“You flatter me.”

Hitoshi Shinso had been your best friend since before both of you were even born. Your dad and his parents, living next to each other since their early 20’s, experiencing drunken nights, sad days and the trials of parent hood together. So in turn you and Toshi had done everything together. First steps, first words and first days of school.

“I saw you and Mr Aizawa on TV.” I said beaming, the thought of him realising his dreams and making them a reality enough to make my heart soar.

“Oh yeah, it was pretty weird. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Neither will Mr Aizawa.”

“Lucky you guys are so chatty.”

It was him who laughed this time, coming up next to me and hugging me into his side. I did miss him, his hero work and my support work taking up much of whatever spare time we had. Especially being 3rd years, our futures looming over us even more, having to make final decisions about our future. Gone were the days of dressing up as our favourite heroes and running around our homes catching our parents who pretended to be villains. Now all I seemed to think about where internship offers and upcoming exams, mathematic equations often overtaking my thoughts even in my dreams.

The gear didn’t need much fixing just a loose panel and a few scratches, something easy that I could fix in a matter of minutes.

“Good as new!” I said, holding up the voice modulator and admiring my handy work, then passing it back to Hitoshi.

“You’re the best Y/N, ramen is on me next time.” Hitoshi said, winking and taking the equipment from me. Placing it over his face and making the necessary adjustments.

The workshop was surprisingly quiet, usually filled with the noise of machines and steel clanging together. The music usually turned up to max volume as the other support course students worked on support gear for other heroes. Hatsume clearly wasn’t here because it had been a whole 3 hours with no explosions nearby.

“So how is Kaibara?” Toshi asked, quirking his purple eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes at his question, stepping around him and back over to my tool bench.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?”

“Well I only ask because you seem to know him a lot better than I do. Intimately I would say.”

“Ew, don’t say intimately. Are you 95 years old?” I said, faking chills and a look of disgust on my face.

Sen and I weren’t dating, I didn’t want to date him but the time we did spend together proved effective in helping relieve the everyday stress of living at UA and being a Hero Support student. The sex was good, and he was handsome, always considerate of me and never did anything I was uncomfortable with. The more I thought about it, the more perfect he seemed. He very well might be, but just not for me. There was never any substance behind my feelings for him beyond the attraction to sleep with him. If we did interact outside of the bedroom it was purely platonic, just friends and nothing more. As bad as it sounded, I was using him for personal benefit and nothing more.

"He talks about you a lot.”

I looked into his eyes and flipped my hair, a cocky grin overtaking my features.

“Well… what can I say?”

“Not like that you weirdo, he asks a lot of questions. He wants to know more about you.” Hitoshi laughed, slapping my arm, scratching the back of his neck.

“Do you guys not talk?”

“Why would we need to?” I asked, not quite understanding the question. My back to Hitoshi now, tidying my workstation as I waited for his answer. We knew what we needed to know about one another, our names, birthdays, and a few general things but beyond that it seemed irrelevant.

“I think he likes you.”

“Well I hope he does he puts his penis inside me Hitoshi.”

“You know that isn’t what I meant. He like likes you.”

I stilled; my back still turned towards my friend. My view of relationships was always clouded by indifference. I could blame it on the fact that my parents didn’t work out or I could blame it on my preferences, hell I could even blame it on my star sign. Whichever excuse I chose I always knew that deep down I knew that relationships would never work, and people were better off alone, if I didn’t fully give someone my heart there is no way that they could rip it out of my chest and step on it. I would never put myself in that situation.

“That sounds like his problem, not mine.” I said coldly, picking up my bag and heading to the door, hopefully hearing the end of this conversation.

“Ramen is on you remember. I’m hungry.”

Without another word I flicked off the light by the door and headed out of the workshop, Hitoshi picking up speed to walk beside me, not saying another word.

The walk back to UA was always killer, that dam hill being the bane of my existence for the last 3 years. The silence was almost deafening, I could feel Hitoshi holding something back. Wanting to say something, something about the conversation earlier no doubt.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I can feel you being gloomy, more so than usual. It’s irritating.”

Hitoshi sighed, rubbing his eyes with one of his hands. Shaking his head as he stopped.

“I want you to be happy! Is that so wrong? What’s wrong with Kaibara?”

“If you like him so much why don’t you date him.”

“I don’t want to make jokes!” He said, stepping past me, and continuing up the hill.

“Why is this so important to you? You’ve never really cared before.” I asked, jogging to catch up to him. He didn’t answer, he just linked our arms and continued up the hill. Pushing whatever he was feeling down and sealing it away.

“Denki is having a party in the 3A dorm this weekend. Wanna come?” Hitoshi asked changing the subject and tightening his arm around mine.

“Mr Aizawa is allowing that?”

“Yeah, apparently it will be good for us to blow off some steam before the school year really kicks off. His words not mine.”

He sensed my hesitation.

“Hatsume is going to be there, she even convinced IIda to go.” He said raising his eyebrows.

“Wow, that is impressive.” I said matter of factly, nodding my head. The class rep of the 3A was known for being a real stickler for the rules. Keeping everyone in order and always being the epitome of a model student. Bless his soul, but he wasn’t really the party type. The picture of him in that environment was enough to convince me to go.

“Please, who is going to help me stop Denki from being an idiot?”

“Literally any of his other friends?”

“Yeah but you are so pretty, and he is a simp.” Toshi said matter-of-factly.

“Fine, but if I don’t see Tenya do his little arm thing at least once then I’m gonna be so mad at you.” I said giggling and tightening his arms once more.

“I can guarantee it, it will be Denki and a party. It’s like you don’t even know him.”

Me and the rest of class 3H had been instructed to be at Ground Gamma for a joint training session between 3A and 3B, the hero support students were to observe and help with gear whenever needed. Taking notes on current gear and seeing where adjustments were needed. As the future heroes got better at handling their quirks and being in tense situations some fights ended with a lot of damage. Whether it be to the heroes themselves or their gear, that’s where we came in.

I always seemed to forget just how big the facilities at UA really were, most of the grounds built to look like entire blocks of actual cities. Ground Gamma was made up of various exposed pipes and machinery, the combination giving a labyrinth affect perfect for heroes to improve theirs fighting skills in tight spaces.

Watching them was impressive, just how far they had come in a few short years was a credit to just how hard they trained every day. I felt safe and content knowing that these people were going to be patrolling the city one day and keeping people safe.

“Hey stranger!” a voice yelled in the distance, Sero’s tall body coming into view as he walked closer to me. Denki and Toshi following closely behind.

“Afternoon.” I said, saluting the boys as they got closer, standing on either side of me examining the work bench and tools that we had set up before anyone else arrived.

“How is my favourite little nerd?” Denki asked, nudging my arm with his and hugging me.

“I’m good, excited to see you guys train today.”

“Aw babe, prepare to be amazed!” Denki said, winking at me, his arm still slung around my side.

“Y/N could watch me burp the alphabet and be more impressed.” Hitoshi said sarcastically.

“You guys are so harsh.” He replied, clutching his hand to his chest and feigning sadness.

The group laughed as I turned around and prepared for this afternoon’s events. Ready to take notes and sketch new designs. The students had started filling up the platform, sitting in the groups they had been assigned, discussing the best plans of attack depending on their quirks.

“Everyone gather around!”

“Today will be a bit different, after today’s exercise we will be assigning you with new support students based on where we think the heroes need improvement and previous projects from the support course students. We will also be looking at your scheduled internships and work studies and matching you based on that so we can get all heroes and their gear to the best they can be before graduation.” Mr Aizawa said, commanding the attention of everyone on the platform. He wore his usual nonchalant expression, hair down and hands in his pockets.

Everyone talked amongst themselves about the recently learned information. As of right now I worked on Bakugo, Uraraka and Hitoshi’s costumes and support gear. The first two hero costumes were my entrance exam task, getting a rough design, a file on both students and their quirks and having to design according to that. Now making adjusts when needed or wanted. The most recent addition was two earpieces for Bakugo to reduce the noise of his explosions but still allowing him to hear regular noise, so he didn’t lose any sense while fighting. In hopes that his explosions wouldn’t damage his hearing anymore than it already had.

New projects were always welcome, in hopes of keeping my grades high before graduation. Hero Agencies always quick to offer students internships based on good grades and successful support gear.

“So to get this started, give it your best and good luck!” Allmight finished, the first two groups of students heading to their assigned bases to start training.

The training finished, class A’s teams winning the most training battles and celebrating accordingly. Cheering and hugging each other. My notebook already full of notes and sketches for potential changes and brand-new designs.

“Everyone please look up at the screen and look at who you have been given as your support students. There will be no changing so no complaining.” Aizawa said, already walking off the platform. Probably to wrap himself up in his sleeping bag.

There in large blue writing was my name.

Y/N Nanase – Hitoshi Shinso, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki

I looked over at the student who was newly assigned to me, there Shoto Todoroki was in all his half and half glory. One blue eye and one dark grey already staring back at me.

#shoto todoroki #shoto x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto smut

71 notes · View notes

phenomenalcosmicpowers · 4 years ago

Text

MY LITTLE PONY: A NEW GENERATION (G5 Movie) THOUGHTS

It’s finally here. The beginning of Generation 5. Though before I get into the movie in some detail I’m going to reiterate one more time what G5 means for my content and a non-spoilery summary of the movie.

Again, I will say that the movie nor will the G5 series coming later have much of an effect at all on any of my blogs. The revelation in Secrets of the Dragon’s Tear that life itself is also magic means that a world that implied to have no magic for years would mean the extinction of all life (Perhaps resulting in the wasteland we saw in the Season 5 finale). There may be something I’ll probably do at some point on a certain different blog. But even then, that may likely be a one-time thing and probably come around the time the series is starting to air.

That said, just because I’m continuing with mainly G4 content doesn’t mean I disapprove of G5. In fact, my non-spoilers thoughts on the movie is I think it is a good start for this new generation. There are questions I have that I’m not sure will be answered (Though many of those questions are the same ones I had in my Trailer/Preliminary thoughts) quickly enough. But the movie is structured well enough, in fact it’s probably a better movie as a whole compared to any of the movies G4 had (The 2017 movie, Rainbow Roadtrip, and all 4 Equestria Girls movies). As the 2017 movie was fun, but it jumped around a lot, sometimes scenes transitioning too fast. And while Rainbow Roadtrip may have been this on purpose, the entirely slice-of-life story taking up a long length… made it something of a less interesting plot to follow. It feels like some of that special could of been cut to at least a two-parter length and keep the same beats they hit. And while i have a soft spot for the 3rd and 4th Equestria Girls movies, I’ll always say a full-length pony adventure feels better suited for what I want to see out of MLP then spin-off movies with high school movie cliches and weird pony/human world shenanigans.

So movie-wise I’m not a G4 purist. It’ll take some time to see how Gen 5 compares to Friendship is Magic when we get to the series. As I feel it’d take a lot for it to surpass G4 in my mind. But I’m going to try to be as fair as possible and judge on it’s own merits. The implied connection to G4 by referring to G4 being ancient Equestria is going to naturally get the staff and hasbro pressured by fans to tell us what happened in-between the generations. Because that’s the trap they put the writers in when they made it so they want to try to say it’s in the same universe. That’s the double-edged sword Hasbro chose to have, trying to appease the G4 fanbase and keep at least some of them around. But at the cost of questions both nitpicky (Such as character design being inconsistent) or actual honest questions that need to be known (Why did magic disappear, and what happened to the Alicorns) for some of us to truly see this as the same Equestria.

After the break, I’ll have more spoilery thoughts

Even for a brief moment, it was nice seeing the Mane 6 and 2D animation. The former because of course those are the ponies many of us that saw all of G4 loved. And the latter, because while the animation wasn’t bad in this movie. I’m one of those who’d prefer to have 2D animation in an animated film. As in most cases aside from Pixar, it’s just a strong preference of mine. If this had the animation of the 2017 MLP movie but otherwise everything else was generally the same here, I feel that would of have been great.

I wish they didn’t have to have Sunny’s dad die off-screen, as he seems like he could of been a compelling character. And not to mention if perhaps he has any connection the “ancient” days in any fashion. But *sigh* I get it, it’s an old trope where part of the character’s offscreen growth is not having their parent(/s) around.

On a side note there’s quite a few times during the beginning of the movie that somewhat foreshadow what happens to Sunny later. 3 times where she had a fake horn and wings on her. Once in the flashback, then 2 separate times when she’s doing her protest where she has her own costumed wings and horn. As well as the helmet and mechanical wings.

Also, there’s no way around it. Some of the discussions this movie are going to get quite political. (Namely one part of Sunny’s song that could be seen as having a double meaning of a jab at Trumpsts regarding “Building your wall”) From the very premise in the early times, we know that the inspiration for the story was last year’s Black Lives Matter protests. Which honestly, I do support the message they’re going for. Having an anti-racism message to tell kids from the very beginning and making a focus on it is important when in G4 it only got briefly touched upon in Bridle Gossip and the Heath’s Warming Eve play. Although it certainly rose up to some form of prominence with Season 8 and onward. Still, while you can argue if G4 executed the anti-racism message well. it does come with something of a problem that the series finale left Equestria in the least divided it’s ever been.

And personally, I feel it’s a terrible interpretation of time to say “Well, it’s a realistic take. Racism has existed for years in our world. Same should go for the ponies” and while yes, racism is still rampant in today’s world. That said, that ignores that if we went from The Last Problem to the start of G5. There’s a huge difference between our world and Equestria. There is no ancient civilization that we look at like “Yeah, those were the golden days of world peace” when normally the “Golden age” was reserved for the high classes of Ancient Greece or Rome. It was most decidedly not perfect, with slavery rampant and wars for the sake of expanding an empire. While if you look at The Last Problem’s Equestria, you not only have peace between the three main types of ponies. But you literally have non-pony citizens in Equestria. You can see a dragon handing off a flower to a pony which can imply cross-species romantic relations. With the Friendship school still going strong, and was the reason that the world was saved in The Ending of the End. While perhaps it may be too glowing to say that future is perfect for everyone even in-universe. It’s certainly a hell of a lot better outlook then comparing to how we view even the so called Golden age of ancient civilizations. The Last Problem’s Equestria implies it looks to ally with every country outside of Equestria, not conquer them.

So it should still be a valid question on just how this world collapses to the point it gets to where G5 is at the start. I at least assume that it’s not the fault at all of any of the Mane 6 nor Twilight. Or at least I hope it isn’t, as I’d rather the MLP fanbase not have to deal with a The Last Jedi Luke Skywalker situation. (Where after the joyful end of the original trilogy, things go wrong as Luke almost murders the son of one of his best friends and his sister despite trying to hard and succeeding at redeeming his father who at that point in the canon was a galaxy-wide known ruthless mass-murderer.) I assume we’re at a point where everyone of the Mane 6 sans maybe Twilight are presumed dead. And even in Twilight’s case, there’s a chance that G5 decides to say that G4 overestimated the whole Alicorn immortality thing. Though I wouldn’t put it past Hasbro to have some event where the Mane 5 of G5 meet the Mane 6 in some special event whether that’s a a Season finale or a sequel movie/special. Where either the Mane 6 return in a limbo situation similar to the Pillars at the end of Season 7 or Time travel gets involved. They may even string us along on answering just what in the heck happened until they involve a meet-up with the Mane 6 in that way. Though I hope they don’t, I’d really like the beginning of the series (Or I guess this supposed special coming up in Spring supposedly?) starts to answer some questions. G5 should get a chance to stand on it’s own, but I hope the writers are actually well aware there will be so many questions people have and address them in the show. A cynical part of me feels like they’re likely to string us along until at least the Season 1 finale.

Onto the characters for a bit. I think Izzy Moonbow was absolutely the most stand-out character in the whole movie. She was energetic, funny, and aside from “The pegasi are bad news” she along with Zipp and Sunny were the most averse to the way the world was. She was already the most popular due to the tennis ball memes. But now it feels like she legit stands on her own and most certainly deserves to be the most popular character of G5 thus far. Behind her in a bit of a surprise to me was Zipp, who I thought would be mainly a Rainbow Dash-expy. Though she really helps out Izzy and Sunny in Zephyr Heights. Despite having Twilight be my favorite pony from the very beginning of G4 all the way to the end, I didn’t feel as strongly about Sunny for some reason. So she’s in the middle of the pack, she could grow on me later. I just don’t know if I click with her as much as I did with Twilight. As for the last two, while I don’t hate either of them. Either one could be the lowest of the 5 for one reason or another. Pipp (Although I will say she's probably my favorite character design out of the 5) feels like she doesn’t do a whole lot in the movie and it takes until she’s forced to be an outlaw because the other choice was to get imprisoned like her mother was. So she may come off as quite pretentious, though it’s arguable Rarity was the same way early in G4. But she definitely grew later. Could be the same case for Pipp. And as for Hitch, he has shining moments in the film. But what might hurt him is the fact he was such a bad friend to Sunny up until the campfire scene. “I’m the last real friend you have. You really want to lose me too?” is not a healthy friendship. Hitch may have been Sunny’s friend the longest, but it definitely feels like Izzy connected immediately. I don’t know if this show will get into shipping any of the main characters between each other mid-show, but if they do. I hope it’s between Izzy and Sunny currently, cause Hitch and Sunny just gives bad vibes even with Hitch getting better later.

None of the songs I felt were particularly too special. Though I think the closest was Sprout’s “Danger, Danger” song that has similarities to Smells Like Teen Spirit in some parts of the song since I tend towards more rock/metal-esque music.

I touched upon it earlier, but there’s perhaps a stand-out reason for why the G5 movie outdid the 2017 MLP Movie. They have the typical “Our heroic group splits after a sad moment before coming together again for the climatic good end” in Sunny seeing that that the two crystals don’t instantly bring magic back, and when Twilight left the group after an argument that happened with Twilight trying to take a pearl. They perform the same purpose in the movie. But the crystals not working, crushing Sunny’s hope for a little while works better into the story. Where as Twilight’s part frustratingly brought the sea pony scene to an end too quickly and/or doesn’t feel right of Twilight to have done that. It felt forced in the 2017 movie, but works out in the G5 movie. Especially since a part of it is that it’s not the crystals themselves capable of bringing magic back. But it’s the journey going after the crystals that brings the ponies themselves their magic back.

Just a small note on dictator Sprout, he tries to cause a war. Though admittedly the film seems to treat him as a joke the entire time despite his seriously evil ambitions. With the only repercussions is he gets a wishy-washy answer on if he was a good sheriff from his mom. I don’t quite know how I feel about that yet, but I wonder what they’ll have in mind for Sprout given his actions. He and his mom are the only ones that feel like a true antagonist. Though they seem to be ok with things fast when the magic comes back.

But anyway on to the ending, we see that Sunny becomes an Alicorn. Which I guess with no other real Alicorns around, I guess it makes sense to alicornify her since she’s the real leader behind what united the leaders of each type of pony again. Though there is of course this weird thing where her horn and wings don’t seem like as much a part of her body compared to very obvious connected wings on Twilight when she got hers. Sunny keeps her horn and wings to the end of the movie, and has colored streaks in her hair. Though I do wonder if that;s truly permanent. If it is permanent, I suppose at least they got to have a headstart and have it established at the end of the introductory movie rather then have it shock people at the end of a shortened 3rd season. I still feel like Twilight had well earned her alicornhood considering that besides what she did in the series. She has a whole childhood and time as a teenager learning under Celestia. Which had to mean something, and I’m not sure Celestia just leaving her to live the rest of her days with her friends in ponyville was that. Sunny has no doubt been trying countless time to try to spread friendship throughout her life even after the tragedy of her father’s passing. So there’s no doubt she’s been through a lot, and may indeed be worthy of being an Alicorn at this point. Though in terms of screentime before Alicornhood it's definitely a lot less then Twilight had. And it is at least nice to see that it is possible for non-unicorns to become one. (The only case of that we sort of got was a children's book that may or may not be canon that implied Cadence was a pegasus before she ascended)

Though you have to wonder if the visual differences such as Sunny’s alicorn horn and wings, the cutie mark only on one side (Yes I know that’s how it was normally in the MLP generations before G4. But a distinct visual difference between shows is still noticeable even if the context of G4’s cutie marks on both sides of the flank was about it being easier on the puppets for Flash), and how animals can have wings or weird round shapes such as those bunnies when G4 has normal looking animals. There’s enough striking visual differences for any nitpicky G4 to say “This isn’t the same Equestria”. And if someone tries to say maybe some sort of evolution happened. That’s still trying to put a little too much real world logic on this fantasy world. And evolution tends to take millions of years to have such dramatic changes. Not 1000 years or so, there should still be normal looking animals at this point and time. And these small details are probably going to be the things most ignored but nonetheless can build a case that this isn’t the same Equestria. Even if they touch on the important questions like how magic disappeared and what happened to the Mane 6, there will be details they make different that will add to the case that this is it’s own universe if it doesn’t quite matchup with what was remembered about G4. There will be fans who will be that nitpicky to call G5 out of continuity for small details like that. That is again the trap they put themselves in when they decided to try to say it’s the same Equestria.

All-in-all though, I think that’s at least a good enough chunk about my thoughts on the movie to end off here. If there’s something I missed or something from the movie you’d like me to give a particular opinion about or elaborate on something feel free to ask me here. G5 is indeed off to a good start, just I will be along the many hoping some questions get answered sooner then later. And I’m not sure I’m confident in getting anywhere until a Season finale or a 2nd movie. And it’ll be a year before the series starts proper (Though again I guess there’s a 44 minute special coming in Spring to try to hold us over). But I could definitely see G5 finding it's own following, now there's just the inevitable clashes between some of the more vocal fans of each generation bickering at eachother. But hoping there will be enough that take the movie's lessons on divisiveness to heart and be able to enjoy both even if there may be preferences.

#mlp #my little pony #g5 #mlp g5 #netflix #my little pony the next generation #my little pony movie #generation 5

31 notes · View notes

chicoriii · 4 years ago

Text

Season 4, Episode 4 - Mr Pigeon 72

I have no idea where to start. This episode has some good things and some extremely stupid.

Marinette isn't still completely fine, but I prefer when she deals with it through being hyperactive than being a whining crybaby.

I know people don't agree with me, but personally I don't buy the whole revealing identity to Alya. It's not a problem with Alya herself, I would say the same about every single character who is not named Alix Kubdel at this point of the story. I haven't written anything in my post about Gang of Secrets, because I thought it would be undone in some way at the start of the next episode. The creators did nothing to explain why revealing identity of Ladybug to anyone was super dangerous and would result in a catastrophe in seasons 1-3 and the first two episodes of S4, but it's magically fine in episode 3. Only Alix made sense to me, as she will be the rabbit Miraculous holder, so she is destined to discover identities of everyone sooner or later and Marinette is aware of that. While it's not necessary to learn identity of anyone to other temporary Miraculous wielders, including Alya. Also that reveal hasn't been foreshadowed in season 3, while the show usually does it, especially if it's about something as important as that! More, in late S3, it's been shown that Alya still can't resist to not talking about Marinette's love life with Nino, despite she asked her to not do it. Now the girl, who is overly excited about superhero stuff, has no problems with even accidental revealing anything to Nino or someone else. She's even "stealing" Bunnix line that she's great at keeping secrets (sorry but you, the creators, haven't shown us that she's indeed is before!). This is why I think that reveal hasn't been planned before they started writing season 4.

But okay, I can deal with it, even if I don't buy it, but things these happened in Mr. Pigeon 72 are even more inconsistent with previous seasons. I have been worried about it, so it doesn't surprised me. For some reason Guardian related-things that have been kept in a secret before from everyone minus current Guardian and the future Guardian, are now fine being done in front of Kwamis (remember, they haven't been allowed to learn about making potions before!) and a civilian who is just a temporal Miraculous holder, not someone who is supposed to be trained to be a new Guardian. You can say - new Guardian, new rules, but why? Marinette has been portrayed as someone who respect authorities, she has never questioned any Fu's rules. It wasn't even said in the episode that she's going to change the rules. I hate that the writers don't even bother to explain us what's going on. Probably they don't bother about consistency, they think the audience is going to be too excited about Alya knowing Ladybug's identity and helping Marinette to question anything about it? How Alya could be allowed to learn the Guardian secrets? She is just best friend of the protagonist, she is not one of the main characters to get that special treatment. I makes zero sense to me. Especially since Su-Han will be introduced in episode 6 and he should help Marinette with understanding the Grimoire, Alya isn't necessary here for any other reason than fanservice.

In my opinion the way how they discovering how to make charms that protects from akumasitation was the most stupid thing that happened this season and one of the most in the whole show. Marinette who is the new Guardiand and portrayed as someone extreme intelligent and creative couldn't find the solution for days, but Alya with zero training magically discovered it in a few hours at worst. And when she told her the solution in not even very clear way, Ladybug did it immediately with no effort. That was so anticlimactic. At least the animation was fine, but other aspects of it was just a big disappointment, and I was looking forward for it. Thank goodness it's just the beginning of the season, I hope later important events of the season will be better written and portrayed.

Also I find it absurd that Rena Rough is walking with a page from the Grimoire like it's just an ordinary book and she's talking about it in front of a random civilian, like things that are written there are nothing special. She or Ladybug are not careful about Miraculous lore anymore. Not to mention that they are giving hints that Rena is very close to Ladybug in public, suspiciously close. And now with them being too careless, that's not hard to suspect that Rena Rouge is someone very close to Ladybug, maybe even as a civilian. Shadow Moth knows Rena Rouge's identity, and it's easy to him to learn who is Alya Cesaire's best friend if he doesn't know it yet, after all his son is in the class with her. Marinette has always been super careful and serious about her duties before, why that sudden change with zero explanation? It's just very out of character to her in my opinion.

I didn't like the akuma battle either, it's now the worst fight of the season in my opinion. It was so short and felt very lazy. I only liked that Plagg got some action and interaction with Ladybug (though it should be suspicious for her that he managed to reach to her that fast). He should be aware now that Alya knows Ladybug's identity but he acts like nothing happened. Not a word about it being unfair towards his kid or something, weird.

Thankfully the rest of the episode is generally more or less fun to me. It was nice to see Marinette and Kagami interacting again. I loved Kagami in the episode, although it was a bit weird to me that she isn't seemed to be affected by her breaking up with Adrien. Like her crush was very shallow, so she managed to recover herself from it very quickly. While it's been shown that Luka is hurt, despite Lukanette always seemed to be much more shallow than Adrigami in my opinion. But maybe it's because she's so down to earth, so being less emotional makes sense for her character. I liked how her attitude was opposite to Marinette's hyperactive: "No, I don't want to be in a relationship with Adrien again, he disappointed me, just let me live!!!". And she's another character who said that Marinette and Adrien are made for each other. I'm not surprised that Kagami sees it now when she tried to be with him and that didn't work. She's observant, sees more than many other characters. It seems she's an Adrienette shipper now. It's also good that her issue with Adrien wasn't resolved that easily and too fast. They need more time, but I'm sure they will be friends again.

So, we've gotten shirtless Adrien. I remember seeing a tweet of Thomas in which he answered to a question if there will be a beach episode and he said we will get something similar. I wonder if he meant this episode. Oh, they just remembered that Adrien is supposed to be allergic to feathers. It seems Adrien has allergic reactions only when it's somewhat related to the plot. When it's not, he's completely fine.

The reference to the famous Umbrella Scene™ out of nowhere in a random episode? It probably means something. I can see "reverse crush" supporters interpreting it as a proof to their theory, especially since this time Adrien did something clumsy and Marinette is laughing because of it (actually both of them). Or maybe because it's the first episode of season 4 with Marinette and Adrien interactions, they decided to be that much gracious for Adrienette fans, to compensate lack of it in the first three episodes. Oh wow, Marinette managed to propose spending more time together to Adrien without stuttering. Probably because she has done it spontaneously. Marinette is the most nervous when she's planning and thinking what could go wrong too much. This time she had no time to it, so it went more smoothly. It's like they building development of their relationship, but it didn't seem in Guiltrip (that's episode 11 chronologically) that something changed.

Seeing screenshot above, you can easily imagine how great friends they could be, being very comfortable around each other and laughing together, if not Marinette's anxiety. We need Adrienette development so much to get more moments like this.

Oh and I just realized that it's also one of the veeeeery few episodes with no real Ladynoir at all (the only other one I remember is Style Queen). So if there was no Adrienette it would be an episode without interactions of two main characters at all (although we almost got Ladrien). It could be another reason why this episode is that nice for Adrien and Marinette ship.

After seeing overly excited Marinette dancing in the rain, I can't believe she can manage completely give up on Adrien. It doesn't look like this at all.

Also we've seen three photos of Adrien wearing THAT scarf. It could not mean nothing different that foreshadowing that he's going to discover the truth about it somewhere this season. But I have no idea what Ladybug's mask with shining eyes could mean.

I don't know what to think about the episode. Despite absurd Guardian-related things, I still liked it much more than Gang of Secrets, but I have no idea if I generally enjoyed it more than other episodes of this season or not. At least it's an episode without stupid drama, which is amazing.

---------

I'm currently less active on social media, because my internet connection is very unstable, it often works very slowly to the point I'm not patient enough to visit Tumblr. Also I block spoiler tags again, because I don't want to see spoilers from the episodes those are going to be released very soon, as I feel that they reveal too much to me once more. We're currently in a marathon of the new episodes and since watching them is the more more enjoyable, the less I know about them, I decided to try avoid spoilers as much as I can. The only bad thing is that I can't be read discussions about the new episodes, reblog them and adding something from me until Optigami will be aired.

#miraculous ladybug #ml mr. pigeon 72 #ml season 4 #ml spoilers #ml spoiler #chicoriii about S4 episodes #ml season 4 spoilers #chicoriii #original post

53 notes · View notes

ascalonianpicnic · 4 years ago

Text

so the twisted marionette is back and it seems like a good time for this~ @mystery-salad requested I do an essay on Scarlet and discrimination in STEM so~

Warning: discussions of sexism, racism, and ableism. If I got anything wrong (in terms of real world issues) or was disrespectful in any way about certain subjects please let me know

Hey, let's talk about Scarlet Briar.

More specifically, I wanna talk about Ceara, and how she became Scarlet Briar. Because I'm a gay mathematician and former computer science major, and I think Scarlet is cool.

So let's start here. STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) is a heavily male dominated set of fields and career paths. A few decades back in the real world, there was this deep set societal belief, at least in western society, that cis women were just "worse" at STEM related things like math and chemistry. It's not as visible of an issue now, but, like I said, STEM fields are still really male dominated, and that's because STEM fields still have a massive issue with sexism. Women have full on left the field due to the sexism they faced in workplaces in just the last decade. Trans women in STEM share really interesting and important personal accounts about how before transitioning, they were treated with respect, offered high level jobs, and entrusted with loads of responsibility, and how post transition, despite having even more experience, are offered significantly lower level jobs, worse pay, and are all around treated like they know less. STEM has a sexism problem.

So, why is this important to Scarlet? Well, her backstory and her life before Omadd's Machine actually tie in to this real world issue in a really fascinating way. It's about Respect. And Scarlet's story is about how she was denied respect over and over, because she was a sylvari, because she was a woman, and because she was neurodivergent. Let's talk about Ceara.

Ceara was a sylvari secondborn, and an engineer from the start. She emerged from the Pale Tree when her race was still brand new to the world and largely unknown. She spent 8 years of her life studying all the Grove had to offer her about mechanics and nature and the universe. She was born curious and as such, was determined to learn everything and anything she could get her hands on. After her time in the Grove, Ceara left, off to find new teachers and extend her knowledge further. After the Grove cane Beigarth, a famed norn smith. He gladly took Ceara under his wing, seeing her genius and potential. For a year, she trained under him, his best student. Then, much to his dismay, she left, feeling she had learned all he could offer about what she wanted to know. She moved south, going to study under iron legion gladium and demolitionist Asagai. Asagai was an old charr, and it took some convincing on Ceara's end, but she eventually took the sylvari in and taught her about gunsmithing and artillery. And after two years, Ceara moved on again, this time heading for Rata Sum and its colleges.

The asura of Rata Sum did Not like Ceara. She had to fight to be allowed to study at the colleges. She won in the end, being admitted into the college of Dynamics. Within a year, she finished the course work, and, feeling like she was finally getting somewhere, she applied again, this time getting admitted to Statics. Two years and two colleges down, at the top of her class both times, Scarlet still wanted more. The Arcane council was curious now if she could keep this streak up, so they let her enter Synergetics. This was what she had been looking for, and she got deep into her studies, taking her time. The Arcane council was unimpressed with her work at best. While not driven from the colleges, she found herself being walked off and looked down on more and more, so she sought other sources. These other sources, both of knowledge and support, came from the inquest, and it wasn't long before she fell in deep. It didn't last, however. When the krewe she was working with ran into trouble, she was abandoned as a scapegoat, and thrown out of the asuran colleges. She wandered on her own for a while, taking the time to study alchemy with the michotl hylek, but mostly keeping to herself. Until Omadd found her, pulled her back into his personal research, and, with her help, built Omadd's machine. Once it was finished, Ceara walked in, and Scarlet walked out.

Sexism in STEM means that people perceived as female are often perceived as knowing or understanding less than they actually do. It's because of this that you'll find young cis male students in STEM classes trying to correct or speak over their female presenting professors. It's why you'll find men at science conferences telling the women presenting for certain topics that they don't seem to understand the topic they're covering or grasp the basics that well, and then recommending or referencing books and research papers written by these women. It means that women will often be overlooked for internships, research positions, and grants. And that is the sort of thing Scarlet faced as a young woman trying to learn everything she could. She had to work for the apprenticeships she could get, and with Beigarth, despite how highly he thought of her, she had to work harder to prove she was ready for more each step of the way. Finding anyone to teach her at all among the charr was a struggle, until an older woman took her in. And no one in Rata Sum took her seriously.

There was more than just the fact that Scarlet was a woman at play with Rata Sum though. As stated, STEM has a bad sexism problem. But that's not all. STEM isn't just mostly men, but also mostly white men, and as such, the fields have a bit of a racism problem as well. Personally, I can only speak so much to this as I myself am white, have never faced racism, and never will face racism. I do know that the intelligence, skill, and effort of people of color goes largely unacknowledged. They will be denied the same opportunities and respect that their white peers receive, and their work and contributions will be ignored, exploited, and stolen.

Racism in Tyria isn't the same as it is in the real world, though it is still present there, and prevalent. And it is something Scarlet has to face and struggle with repeatedly as a sylvari. The sylvari are young and new to Tyria. Because of this, the other prominent groups all tend to think of sylvari as innocent, ignorant, and overly naive. The asura are especially bad about this. They already think of themselves as the smartest of Tyria's inhabitants, above everyone else. And when they first encounter the sylvari, the asura refuse to believe this new group could even be sentient. So, when 11 year old Ceara shows up at the colleges, the Arcane Council and the asura in general doubt she could possibly understand asuran studies. She's a sylvari, after all, and just a girl on top of that. There's surely no way she could keep up.

So when this young sylvari girl finishes at the top of her class in just a year, not once but twice, the Arcane council is intrigued. They don't respect her. They don't hold her work in high esteem. But they do want to know if this is some sort of fluke or if she can do it again. So she's admitted into the third and final college, and when she gets caught up in her studies, genuinely interested and invested in what she's learning and wanting to take her time to take it all in, the Council is disappointed. Never mind that Scarlet has already done what no other non-asura has. She took too long doing what she loved, learning, so the Council dismisses her, and dismisses her hard work. Her theories are looked down upon and ignored, and she is left with only support from Omadd, who can use her and her theories for his own gain, and the inquest. Omadd and the inquest make her feel valued and respected. The inquest let's her try anything she wants, it lets her really explore the fields of study she's most drawn to. The inquest makes sure to profit off her hard work and, when it comes down to it, the inquest leaves her to take the fall for everything. It's easy, after all, to pin the blame on someone already so looked down on by the society she's in. Scarlet is kicked out of the colleges and the city. She loses her access to information, her belongings, and even her own research and findings. All her hard work, taken from her because the inquest was more than glad to use a sylvari.

And then of course, there's Omadd. He was glad to have Scarlet as a lab assistant, and endlessly fascinated by and supportive of her work. So once she's gone from Rata Sum, he leaves too, taking her research and starting on his own personal project. He gets stuck, he seeks Scarlet out, and he convinces her to help him again. Once Scarlet is back on board, the project goes smoothly and the two construct Omadd's Machine. Omadd's. Despite being built off Scarlet's theories and research, despite her being integral to the construction of this machine, it's Omadd's and it carries his name. Funny how that happens, isn't it? And once the machine is up and running, he thinks Scarlet should test it first. Who knows what could happen in there, better to leave it up to the assistant to try it out, and frame it as her getting the honor of the first try. As we all know, it goes poorly. Scarlet learns so much more, all the knowledge she had been seeking for over a decade, but in return, the seeds of Mordremoth are planted in her mind and slowly take over, destroying her.

Now Scarlet, who has been used and devalued and disrespected and infantilized every step of the way, her whole life, is going to start tearing down the things that held her back for so long. She just needs a plan, and with the help of a certain sleeping dragon, one begins to form.

There's something I glossed over earlier that is so important to note, and that's how Scarlet was treated in the Grove. Now, it's been stated explicitly by Scott McGough, a narrative designer for the fame, that Scarlet emerged with lacking empathy. Low empathy doesn't make Scarlet, or anyone, a bad person. It's sometimes a symptom of autism, as well as some personality disorders, and it does affect how Scarlet is treated. As an autistic person myself, Scarlet very much reads as autistic to me, between low empathy, a one track mind, and an intense special interest in the universe and its mechanics. She has a hard time connecting with others, is easily bored by subjects that don't relate back to her special interest, can focus intently on and get caught up in her work, and doesn't really get social graces or expectations. Regardless of any diagnosis she would have if she existed in our world, Scarlet is treated differently due to her low empathy, a trait she cannot help about herself.

From the moment she emerges in the Grove, she is treated differently. She is talked down to. Her desire to take in her first sights and how it overwhelms her is dismissed as overconfidence and rudeness. Her own brother, barely older than her, talks like he knows so much more than her. Scarlet is an outsider among her own people. How does it feel to have low empathy among a race connected to each other deeply through empathy? Probably not great. Her studies in the Grove are limited, she is treated as rude and prideful for wanting to be independent and needing space. Rather than being accommodated, rather than being understood, Scarlet is infantilized, dismissed, and disregarded. She isn't neurotypical. She was born different. She's punished for it.

When she emerges from Omadd's Machine, made from her own hard work and creativity, Scarlet Briar is a young woman who has frequently been overlooked and rarely understood. All these thoughts and ideas, all this passion, and the only people who have ever even seemed to understand her have used and betrayed her so thoroughly. Scarlet Briar has always had to look out for and take care of herself, as a woman, as a sylvari, as someone who is neurodivergent and is in a field that doesn't respect a single aspect of her identity. The world won't accommodate her and the world won't take her seriously. So why shouldn't she show the world what she can do? Why not force everyone to recognize her for who she is? Why not give in just a little to that voice that has been calling to her in her nightmares since she left the machine? After all, it promises power and recognition and a sense of belonging.

#gw2 #guild wars 2 #scarlet briar #my essays #anyway uvu

39 notes · View notes

wisteria-lodge · 4 years ago

Text

badger primary + very burnt lion secondary (bird model)

Hi, I’m a Badger primary and stuck between Lion and Snake secondary. I model Bird and Badger over whatever my (probably pretty burnt) secondary is. Would you mind helping me figure it out?

As a kid, I remember being a total joker in class. I thought it was really funny to trick my friends. I got everyone to start chanting at the teacher once. I’d do something daring (for a first grader) like look up “sex” in the dictionary. It basically just said gender and I was confused about what all the fuss was 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Definitely see why you’re thinking Improvisational secondary. One of the old-school SHC bits of wisdom is that when proud rule-breaking is a personality trait, that’s usually the sign of a Lion secondary.

My mom didn’t want me reading all night so I hid flashlights under my bed and would pretend to sleep if she checked on me. I’d lie and would only feel bad about it if threatened with consequences. If I got in trouble, I’d lie or pretend I didn’t know what I’d been doing.

But I could also see Snake. Being very proud of your ability to lie or pretend is very Snake to me.

In middle school, my learning disability really began to show and I started having anxiety and possibly PTSD after 9/11. (I’m from NY). That’s when the Bird model kicked in.

As it does.

People at my new school didn’t get my humor and took my trolling literally and it was really uncomfortable. Honestly middle school sucked and most of what I remember is just snobby, awful social stuff.

I’m definitely getting Lion secondary here. You are YOU, it’s very important that you be you, and the problem is that other people don’t get you. Snake secondaries aren’t so binary.

Oh I did manage to get a teammate’s cell phone number and pranked them. And I hacked into someone’s AIM account. And one time I got in a fist fight with someone on a different team of mine and then we were best friends. Which is weird, looking back.

awww Lion secondaries making friends :D

High school was really hard because I had a really hard time with the schoolwork (learning disability was still undiagnosed) and with finding good friends. I got in trouble a few times for offending people by repeating things I didn’t know were offensive, I dressed up as someone kinda controversial for Halloween which is honestly still one of the highlights of my high school experience. I tricked this creepy guy who wouldn’t leave me alone and embarrassed him in front of the whole school. But wouldn’t ever insult someone to their face on purpose unless I completely lost my temper.

Obviously you can have a hot temper and not be a Lion secondary… but I’m already skewing in that direction, and everything you’re saying here is supporting it. Kind of getting a kick out of offending people (or making them uncomfortable) is VERY Lion secondary.

I joined the Political Union club and didn’t really debate because I’m terrible at it.

Lion secondaries tend to be pretty bad at formal debate. That’s more a built secondary thing. Great at giving speeches, though :)

I just watched everyone argue and trolled people. I remember one meeting, people started throwing books at each other and it was amazing. That “agent of chaos” answer on the quiz is me haha.

The “agent of chaos” answer is the Lion secondary answer.

I knew the perfect way to get this one teacher to go off on a tangent about the Soviet Union for the entire lesson. I couldn’t keep up with the schoolwork so I’d BS a lot of it and manage to get by. Participation was key to your grade so I’d read just enough to discuss parts of it and then just make throwaway funny comments and ask good questions to beef up my contributions.

I’d say that gaming the system in this particular way (which I completely support) actually sounds like you Bird secondary model. Which makes sense, if the *purpose* of that model is to help you out in an academic setting.

I think I burned after a traumatic event at the end of my senior year. I started modeling Badger secondary hard. Basically just be sweet and helpful and everything will be fine, right? When that did not, in fact, make everything be fine, I pulled out the manipulation to make damn sure people were on my side.

I’m interested in what you mean by “manipulation.” Because while that’s normally a Snake secondary word, I’m not getting Snake Secondary from you. I suspect you may actually parse your Bird secondary as “manipulation,” which is sort of unusual.

I did still troll sometimes, but I haven’t felt playful and fun in so long. I’ve been really depressed over the last few years about some serious medical problems that can’t really be resolved. I just feel flat like a car stuck in park.

Oh ouch. Yeah, that’s a burnt secondary all right.

I’m scared of failing. I’m scared people won’t like me or that I’ll get in trouble. I don’t have the energy to lie convincingly or put on a show but I also don’t feel safe enough to be blunt. I’m reluctantly forcing myself to be diplomatic while screaming inside.

This is portrait of a Burnt Lion secondary. You’re afraid of failing, but failing is necessary and important to Lions. It’s how they change direction. “Being yourself” had gotten you into trouble and made some people not like you, so you’re scared about going there again. You want to be blunt, but it’s too scary. Instead you’re being diplomatic and putting on a show, both things you define as “lying” (very Lion secondary) but it’s incredibly energy consuming.

I don’t know how to go back to how I was. (I am trying to find a good therapist but it’s hard to find one who specializes in all the things I need, not to mention a good fit personality-wise). When I’m not Like This, I can be really charming. I miss it.

Well, a therapist is the first step. I guess my tiny little piece of advice in the meantime, is find a place in your life where you *can* use your lion again. Make that place as tiny and as low-stakes as you need to. Maybe you have an anonymous blog where you shit-post. Maybe you bring out your Lion for just one person. Maybe go to a weekend convention - if it’s three days with people you never see again, who cares if you get in trouble or offend something. Check out the SHC discord server, and see if any of the other burnt Lionsecs have tips. I know Lions are very all-or-nothing, but I’m a Badger. Baby steps are steps.

#sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #lion secondary #burnt lion seconday #birdsec model #lionsec #lion vs snake secondary

23 notes · View notes

loopy777 · 4 years ago

Note

RE: WIPs game: Actress Mai. what is she acting in? besides her ongoing starring role as Repressed Perfect Child?

Ah, "Actress Mai." This is a headcanon I keep chipping away at in the hopes that I'll eventually have something I want to publish. I have a whole host of little ideas and scene concepts, but only one actual WIP.

It started with the idea that Zuko and Ursa are theater snobs. Sure, Ursa apparently attended Ember Island Player performances, which Zuko disdained, but my thought is that she took what she could get in terms of live theater with her family even if she agreed with his criticisms. However, I like to headcanon that Mai loves the Ember Island Players, hates classical theater, and generally is the type of person who thinks that Michael Bay movies are great and more people should just turn off their brains and allow themselves to be entertained.

Why?

Well, because character conflict is what makes stories interesting. Zuko gritting his teeth through Mai's praise of how the EIPs finally made "Love Amongst the Dragons" interesting? Gold! Ursa and Mai getting into heated drunken arguments about theater styles? Gold! Mai convincing Kiyi of the good points of the controversial 'Love Amongst the Dragons II: Love Harder' (which is canon to at least two of my Maiko fics) while Zuko and Ursa grit their teeth? Solid gold!

This fun little conflict turned into something more, though. If Ursa and Mai are dark mirrors of each other in terms of theater tastes, then it felt like Mai needed a little acting history to parallel Ursa's own. But Ursa could be a publicly known actress because she was a peasant; such a profession was okay for her. Mai is a noble, though, and an acting job would be seen as beneath her, especially as a woman, as Polite Fire Society knows (or thinks it knows) that 'actress' is really just a polite term for prostitute. This is a takeoff from some real-life history stuff that I first learned of through Sherlock Holmes stories. Apparently, Irene Adler being an 'opera singer' was a thing British readers would recognize as being of a sordid nature.

So I decided that Mai did some secret, illicit acting anonymously during her childhood and teenage years. She stumbled across an opportunity, gave it a try, and found it fulfilling despite the social stigma. She liked being able to project emotions of all kinds in public, while at the same time shielded by masks or makeup or costumes or whatever. She liked being other people, people who find love with their heroes or die tragically to teach everyone a point or villainously ruin everything around them as a force of vengeful nature. It was the only opportunity for expression that she had, as well as a quiet form of rebellion. So for years she snuck out of the capital, down to Harbor City, and acted in all kinds of plays for a troupe that accepted not paying her as a fair trade for keeping her anonymous.

Naturally, moving to Omashu put a crimp on that, and so it ended.

So the idea is that Ursa eventually learns this about Mai after years of their butting heads over theater opinions, sees the parallels and perpendiculars in their lives, and grudgingly comes to respect Mai's completely wrong opinions about theater as at least being informed. And Mai, who is good at acting and does know the classics and would be wasted in the Ember Island Players, helps Ursa out with some plays she writes (still anonymous, although Zuko and Ursa know) even though Mai privately thinks the dialogue is too stilted and the stories kind of cliched.

But I have had trouble beating all of this into a proper story. I want to do flashbacks to Mai on stage, I want to show her conflict with Ursa, I want to reveal how Ty Lee found out and used that to get Mai to accept running away to the circus, I want Zuko's reaction to finding that his wife can recite soliloquies from all the major classics, I want Kiyi becoming an Ember Island Players groupie, etc. It's just missing a plot to hang it all on.

So here's a snippet of one of my attempts to construct something:

Noren grimaced. "Honestly, I was impressed we got enough people to fill out all the parts, never mind understudies. This play-"

"-is important," Ursa finished for him.

He hesitated just a moment before nodding. "And it's important for the same reasons that it was tough to get actors. I'm sure once Zuko sees it and can give it his official approval-"

"But he can't see anything without a Rinzen." Ursa thought about her son out there in the audience, anonymous amidst the 'peasants' of Hira'a. Zuko didn't mind mixing with his people, despite being their Lord, but the only reason he was here, tonight, was because Ursa herself had written the play, and he was a good son who would always support his mother.

Zuko had even brought his friends, including the Avatar. Aang was a delightful young man, and always very nice to Ursa, but she couldn't help but feel trepidation at his presence. After all, Avatar Roku, Ursa's grandfather and Aang's previous life, was a major character in this play, and while the story was based on real events, it was Ursa's hand that had shaped his dialogue and actions. She was putting her thoughts and philosophies, her very heart, out on the stage for public assessment, and this was tricky material. Would it do right by history?

Plus the lead actress was sick, and going by her complaints and the smell of the privy, perhaps dying.

Ursa had to tell herself that her audience, her friends and family and neighbors, wouldn't enjoy this play becoming a disaster. None of them were that bad. This wasn't the Capital. And she wasn't a princess. Not anymore.

So why had she taken it on herself to write this play, to positively dramatize a story of an ancestor who a few years ago was considered a heretic and traitor, to will into being a performance right here in the Fire Nation of a play that featured a heroic Air Nomad character whose actress was currently trapped in the privy?

Because her nation had hurt the world, and she wouldn't leave it to her son alone to do all the work of helping to fix that. That's why.

"Maybe," she ventured, "I could play the part."

Noren frowned. "You? But you're playing the Lady of Glass, and the characters share several scenes."

But Ursa was already analyzing the copy of the script that existed in her mind. "Rinzen has a lot more lines than the glass spirit, and I'm the only one who knows them. And playing a spirit is a lot easier than playing an Air Nomad. A spirit is just a voice, a costume, and some special effects. An Air Nomad character is a performance, and we're fresh out of actresses."

Noren's head tilted from side to side. "We could ask Kiyi. She knows the play by heart. She's a bit young for the part, yes, but-"

"No," Ursa cut him off. "She'd say yes if we asked her, but she hates being on stage. I'm not going to do that to her. I'd rather call off the play and see if our Rinzen is feeling better tomorrow."

Noren blanched at the very thought and made a gesture of good luck. "Well, maybe we can find a new Lady of Glass. And adjust the Rinzen costume. So are you thinking we'll just go on stage and ask the crowd who wants to join the cast, or maybe-"

And then there was a shift behind Noren, the red curtain over the office's doorway being pulled aside to reveal a living shadow. It seemed to Ursa that a chill had entered the room.

Lady Mai, Intended to Fire Lord Zuko, had arrived.

Ursa stiffened as Mai stepped into the office and let the curtain fall back into place. Time and familiarity had not made it any easier to be in a room with her son's lover. She had no real doubts about Mai, no resentment over the early difficulties Zuko that had apparently been overcome, but it was hard to reconcile Azula's shy and dour childhood companion with what existed now. Mai walked around covered with knives, watching everything; she never spoke unless there was an explicit need, but her gaze was always focused and her eyes missed nothing.

And it was in Mai's kind of silent, watchful abyss that Judgement grew. Ursa did not have a good feeling about how Mai likely judged her. How could a child of the Fire Nation's capital, someone who had become strong alongside Azula, a world-class warrior whose last stand for the life of her lover was already the subject of at least one popular poem, have any empathy for Ursa's life or the mistakes she had made?

Mai looked at her with dull eyes. "Is everything okay? The crowd is getting restless, and Zuko was worried. I told him I'd check on things so that he wouldn't miss the beginning of the play."

Ursa hesitated against that flat, low voice, and Noren stepped in to answer, "Our lead actress is sick. Ursa and I were just discussing options. There- uh, there aren't a lot of them."

Mai might as well have been told that dinner was planned to include green sprouts, but they were all out and so the yellow ones would be substituted. "Which part?"

Ursa swallowed. "The Air Nomad girl, Rinzen."

Mai quirked an eyebrow. "The heroine." She was still and silent for a long moment, and then sighed. "Zuko's really been looking forward to this. I guess I can help out. All right, I'll be your Rinzen."

Ursa wasn't quite sure she had heard that right. "You- you want to take the part? But-" Her voice faltered, as all the possible objections swirled through her mind. Mai was, to put it simply, completely lacking in charisma and non-threatening presence. She spoke without emotion. She moved so efficiently that no one in the back of the audience would even notice her. And she was so disinterested in everything that she'd probably nod off in the middle of the performance.

Noren offered a troubled smile. "Thank you for the offer, but acting is harder than it looks. It's not just about going on stage and reciting lines. An actress needs-"

"It's Nomad part, right?" Mai shrugged. "So we want a high, bright voice. Circular gestures. A bounce in all the movements. Here, like this." She stretched out her arms, shook her head, and then-

-and then-

-and then Mai was no longer there. The woman in red and black looked like her, but there was a wide mischievous smile on her face, and her eyes were big and bright. She stepped towards Ursa- no, they weren't mere steps. She kicked her heels high with each one, and the way she shifted her weight flirted with almost being a dance. She held her arms up at her side as she moved, and then when she reached Ursa, swung them dramatically to bring her hands together into a sign of respect.

She bowed, and in a voice that positively rang and filled the room, said, "Are you not the Firebender Avatar, Roku? What a fortunate wind blows to lay my path upon your own!" She rose again, and trotted in a circle around Ursa. "I say, you are taller than I expected, and must be quite heavy. Are you sure you're keeping up with your Airbending, young Avatar?" She raised a hand and held it out to the side.

Noren recovered before Ursa did, realizing what was going on, and quickly found a rag and placed in the waiting hand.

Mai's eyes never left Ursa the whole time, and as soon as the rag was in her grip, she moved again, taking a stance that had clearly been modeled on Avatar Aang's own style, and held the rag out in front of her, dangling it from her fingers and bouncing it in the air.

Mai gave a laugh that was echoed through the little room. "Your beard flutters in my breeze! Come, young Avatar, let's have a spar!"

There was a beat, and Ursa was tempted to deliver Roku's next line in response, but then all at once the younger woman slumped, letting the grandness leak out of her limbs. When she straightened, Mai was back, standing like a blade made of shadow, her face blank and her eyes dull.

Ursa blinked. What had she just witnessed? So many questions swirled in her mind, and she decided to ask the most important of them: "You know all the lines?"

#avatar mai #mai #ursa #avatar ursa

27 notes · View notes

writingssummit · 4 years ago

Text

𝐛𝐧𝐡𝐚 𝐚𝐬 ��𝐚𝐝𝐬 !

bnha as dads!

find the haikyuu version here - haikyuu as dads !

content: fluff, the boys with children, mentions of pregnancy. aged up !

characters: midoriya, todoroki, kirishima, bakugou,

a/n: ahh, look who’s back to writing once again. sorry to my new followers if posts are scattered from this point on, i’m trying to balance school and classes, the extra workloads are definitely a lot. but i like writing too much, so it might not even matter lol- welcome to chaos, guys. so uh, enjoy the boys as dads!

midoriya !

okay, this guy would be so nervous on the topic of children.

don’t get me wrong, i know he’s strong and very very capable but you CANNOT tell me he isn’t at least somewhat scared about this.

like, he would want a kid but he could never bring himself to ask or talk about it. he’d get embarrassed, or loose his nerve.

when you guys do have the talk though, it’s a good conversation and you both are able to be very open about everything.

you always knew risks regarding being with Midoriya, and you were okay with it. it would work.

he slowly gains confidence throughout the pregnancy!

this guy seems like a small family man. maybe 2 kids at most.

I don’t think he’d have a preference for gender.

he is determined to be there for the kid/s, he wants to be present (unlike his own father).

and the fact that he’s a pro-hero makes him worry all the time about that. :(( he’d be pretty busy.

which makes him a bit overbearing as the kid/s start to grow older to make up for when he’s not there, and they probably end up going to you about it.

so you have to talk it out with him ^^;

He honestly is just trying his hardest to not ever be absent. please- izuku

He will go to anything, do anything for his kid/s.

Performances, Recitals, Graduations (even the really lower years), all that.

The ones he can make, at least.

I feel like the kid/s would love the fact that their dad was a pro hero, and he’s bashful around them for it. aww :)

He does his best to conceal himself a little when he goes out with the kids, just for safety reasons.

You already know Inko is such a good grandma

It’s like a double package

Good dad, good grandma <3

todoroki !

he honestly isn’t comfortable with big families. i’m sure you all know why :(

and to be honest, he’s really scared about being a parent.

he also thinks that it’s not that logical considering his career

when you mention kids, he falls silent for a moment, which kind of makes you backpedal there

“Ah, nevermind, that’s a dumb question.”

“...I need to think about it.”

It’s okay bby, take your time <3

After that thinking, he decides that he does want to share a family with you!

But again, he’s not going to want a big family.

When your test is positive, all he does is just hold you. He’s happy for you both.

You guys have end up with one kid.

And oh lord, when he first lays eyes on them, he’s in love-

Dad switch turned on.

He’s always there, talking softly to the baby, watching over them, all that.

He’s so soft and sweet with his interactions. sir- so precious omg

As the kid grows up, that’s when he starts to lose the confidence he had.

Todoroki is of course present, but he’s very hesitant with interactions every once in awhile.

You and him talk about it one night, where he ends up coming clean about what he’s been keeping inside.

“I’m worried I won’t be a good father.”

Todoroki :( my heart hurts

You tell him that he’s not like his own father at all, and you know that he’s a good guy.

“They love you, and you’re so good to them. You’ll never be like your dad, because you’re Shoto. A good man, and a good hero. I love you, okay?”

He needed that very badly

Your kid’s quirk develops and ends up being an ice related quirk.

He tries to show up to important events, and whenever he does, all the people are of course shook LMAO

I mean, Pro Hero Shoto is here ???

Natsu and Fuyumi are the best aunt and uncle, prove me wrong (please don’t JSJSjsj).

There are some things to overcome with him, but you’re always going to be there for him through it all <3 and he appreciates that.

bakugou !

OOOOO boy. Where do I begin with this man

He doesn’t hate kids, but mans probably doesn’t want them for real for real. Like, did you see how he handled those kids in highschool? LMAO

He comes around eventually, you don’t push it of course, but you know that you want to have a family with him.

He’s mellowed out in his older age, thankfully

He still has his spunk though, don’t get me wrong here!

Pregnancy test comes in positive when he’s on the job, and he doesn’t find out until he comes home really late,

“The hell? Why didn’t you call??”

“I did, dumbass.”

He totally had his phone on silent nsjsjs he seems like that kind of guy to me

and he’s honestly kind of jittery, but whether or not it’s nerves or excitement? Who knows with this guy

You have to explain to him how taking care of kids work

You also have to discuss discipline, and he agrees that how his mother handled him wasn’t the best. So at least that’s taken care of

He encourages his kid/s all the time.

A show off parent, but the bragging type.

PLEASE SIR. Your kids are great but please we need to talk about other things besides your boasting </3

He totally brags about them to Izuku. No cap. I don’t take criticism on this one

He ends up teaching the kid/s swear words (on accident, but it’s funny)

“Shit!”

o-o “Excuse me??”

An Bakugou is just on the sidelines, cackling while you’re just shook

“Katsuki!” You smack his arm

BUT. He gets the kids to bed on time. This man understands the importance of a sleep schedule. Thank god

Once the kid/s quirk comes, he doesn’t want them to be like how he was when he was younger.

He gives praise, but he’s careful so it doesn’t get to their head.

He’s pretty much that loud, proud, rough dad who we all love <3

kirishima !

i am NOT biased, what?? totally not.

That being said, 10000/10 dad.

He’s the epitome of the perfect dad, okay? T^T I just know he is. It’s a gut feeling

He’s all for kids, he’s the one to talk to you about it first, actually!

Somewhat big family guy, maybe 3 kids?

And when you agree that you’re ready, it’s amazing from there on out.

Almost.

When you’re pregnant, he then promptly has a small crisis

“I don’t think I can take care of a kid well enough”

“What if they don’t like me?”

“What if -”

Kiri bby, don’t worry :((( they’d love you

After a lot of reassurance from you, he’s feeling a little better bout being a father.

He’s always supportive, always there for you and the kid/s.

Teaches the importance of drinking respect people juice. B) good job

And this mans is totally there for them all the time.

One time you found him curled up on the couch with your child after turning on some kids movie, and it was so cute omfg-

Another time he and the kid/s put on a whole damn concert and made you sit on the couch and watch. Adorable as hell

“Dad, dad! Sing for mom!!”

They got him to SERENADE YOU. :’)

And it was the funniest yet sweetest thing ever.

It was with those weird microphone toys for kids, too LMAO

The kid/s always know about the newest thing Kiri has done, they’re constantly huddling around the TV and then when he comes home (or when they wake up and see him the next day), they ambush him with questions and give him so much praise, the man practically tears up.

Speaking of tearing up, he totally cried when they won an award or something

Just- good dad. Mwuah.

and that’s it for bnha! unless y’all want a part two, then i’m for it B) same for the haikyuu one. i hope you enjoyed these!!

my requests/asks are open, so feel free to send something there, make sure to read my yay’s and nay’s for guidelines/rules!

ciao ~

#bnha #bnha headcanons #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bakugo x reader #midoriya x reader #todoroki x reader #kirishima x reader #bnhaimagines #mha headcanons #mha x reader #bnha as dads #mha as dads

140 notes · View notes

cheshiremadd · 5 years ago

Text

The Oblivious Bastard

AO3 Everyone knows that the School Sweetheart turns down every offer she gets because she's in love with an Oblivious Bastard.

She found him in the courtyard at lunchtime. It’s Wednesday, which was when the entire class pooled their money and ordered in for lunch. An idea their class president had to discuss problems, celebrate victories, and generally help them bond. She’d even informed Nathalie that it was mandatory, and gained him ongoing permission.

“Look, I��ve tried to bring this up in private, but it’s gotten too bad. I can’t keep quiet about it any more.”

And, okay, that’s fair. Adrien had been avoiding being alone with Lila. He didn’t trust her, didn’t want to be near her, and lately he’d been thinking that anything she heard made its way to his father.

“Adrien. This may be hard to hear, but…” Lila made a show of hesitance and struggle and then forced all the words out in a rush. “Marinette’s been stalking you! She’s stolen from you multiple times, she’s got your entire schedule on a giant pull down in her room, she goes to all of your events. Some are just making excuses for her, but I can’t let you be targeted like this any longer.”

The silence was deafening.

What?! Of all the crazy-

“Lila, I told you it isn’t like that!” Huh. Adrien’s never actually seen Alya get angry at Lila. But, here she was, eyes flashing from behind her glasses and fists clenched.

“It’s not okay, Alya! You said she stole his phone-”

“She d- It was an- That was one time!” Marinette stole his phone? When did that happen? His head followed his attention, back and forth as each attack was launched and parried.

“-she stalks his photoshoots, his fencing meets..”

“Yeah, supporting her friend, and cheering him on!” He actually really loved it when she showed up just for him. Seeing Marinette at a photoshoot put an easier smile on his face, which the photographers raved about.

“Friend?!” Lila’s voice was incredulous. “She can barely speak to him!” Well, that’s not entirely wrong, but it wasn’t entirely right either… Was that guilt on Alya’s face?

“Only when I pressured her to-!” She cut herself off with a growl. “She’s fine other times!” Yeah, that was definitely guilt. Alya pressured Marinette? To do what?

He snuck a look at Marinette, but couldn’t look away once he had. She stared at Lila and Alya with a growing horror. Then she noticed his attention and sickly fear added to the mix.

Usually Lila’s lies were baseless, and Marinette was quick to defend herself. He knew she found it hard to stand by and do nothing. Like she was now doing. She might as well have been frozen.

Marinette got anxious and sometimes mixed her words. He'd seen it directly before turning in an entry for an important contest or doing final fittings for celebrity clients. But it was never as bad as when Adrien was the focal point. Like last week at lunch when their waiter assumed Marinette was his girlfriend. Or any of the times Marinette was voluntold to be his partner. She stuttered and turned bright red, sometimes separating herself so she could calm down.

...That made a strange sort of sense in this new context, didn't it.

"Everyone knows that the School Sweetheart turns down every offer she gets because she's in love with some Oblivious Bastard, and you're telling me that I'm that Oblivious Bastard?!"

(Perhaps he should thank Nathalie for all those lessons about dealing with paparazzi and taking command of a room: the two girls had stopped arguing, those of the class that weren’t looking for nasty purple butterflies were shooting sympathetic looks at him and Marinette, and a fair amount of the other students in the courtyard were now paying attention.)

Adrien's mouth hung open like a goldfish. Hah, what an accurate description. He certainly felt as aware as a goldfish. They- they'd talked about love languages. About how she showed her love through gifts and acts of service, and he through words of affirmation and touch. And he still hadn't gotten it.

He’s an idiot.

Marinette’s head hung down, hiding behind her fringe. Shoulders hunched in a way he never wanted to see again. Her tiny, beautiful hands tightly tangled together.

The biggest Idiot. Capital I-D-I-O-T.

“So, uh, M-Marinette…” Wow, this was a lot harder without a mask and in front of his whole class. He cleared his throat. It didn’t help. “Would- would you go to the, uh, the school festival with me?”

She snapped to attention, big eyes wide and tearing up. Her face was completely red by this point. It spread down her neck, past her shirt collar and- no, Agreste! Bad! Don’t think about how far her blush goes! Maman Agreste raised a gentleman, not a horny tomcat! Her soft voice broke through his self-admonition. “D-do you mean like a- a date?”

“If-if you want it to be?” Tiny gods, his voice was still too high-pitched. “It doesn’t have to be a date-date! We can go as friends if- if you prefer.”

Her smile was so sweet and sincere. It came down on him like angels singing down from the heavens. “I’d like. That. I’d like that. Going on a date-date, I mean. With you.”

His heart flip-flopped. She said yes! “Great! Great.” He nodded. Wait, why he was nodding? He stopped. “Pick you up at 16h30?”

“Uh-huh!” Marinette seemed to be at her capacity for words. Her blushes and flustered states had always been adorable. Now that he knew he was the reason for them? Words could not describe how cute she was. Or how happy he was. He suddenly realized how goofy his grin had become.

She said yes!

He had a date with Marinette Dupain-Cheng!

A noise akin to a teakettle caught his attention. The rest of the class had kind of faded into the background. He was finally paying attention again, and he saw Alya gleefully filming, Rose sighing while squeezing the life out of Juleka (who seemed resignedly happy), Mylene was hopping up and down in excitement, and Lila had turned an interesting shade of purple.

“But I asked to be your date to the school festival! You said you were going to be busy!”

“I am going to be busy, Lila. I’ve got a date with Marinette.” He didn’t even try to keep the gloat out of his voice.

Alya: “Hey, can you say that opening line again, Adrien? I didn’t have my camera out then, and I need this footage to show at your wedding.”

#miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #adrienette #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #lila rossi #alya cesaire #Alya Sugar is my every intention #crack-ish #Oblivious Bastard

1K notes · View notes

whitehotharlots · 5 years ago

Text

Privilege Theory is popular because it is conservative

Privilege theory, as a formal academic thing, has been around at least since 1989, when Peggy McIntosh published the now-seminal essay “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” Even within academic cultural studies, however, privilege theory was pretty niche until about a decade ago--it’s not what you’d call intellectually sound (McIntosh’s essay contains zero citations), and its limitations as an analytical frame are pretty obvious. I went through a cultural studies-heavy PhD program in the early twenty teens and I only heard it mentioned a handful of times. If you didn’t get a humanities degree, odds are it didn’t enter your purview until 2015 or thereabouts.

This poses an obvious question: how could an obscure and not particularly groundbreaking academic concept become so ubiquitous so quickly? How did such a niche (and, frankly, weird and alienating) understanding of racial relations become so de rigeur that companies that still utilize slave labor and still produce skin whitening cream are now all but mandated to release statements denouncing it?

Simply put, the rapid ascent of privilege theory is due to the fact that privilege theory is fundamentally conservative. Not in cultural sense, no. But if we understand conservatism as an approach to politics that seeks first and foremost to maintain existing power structures, then privilege theory is the cultural studies equivalent of phrenology or Austrian economics.

This realization poses a second, much darker question: how did a concept as regressive and unhelpful as privilege become the foundational worldview among people who style themselves as progressives, people whose basic self-understanding is grounded in a belief that they are working to address injustice? Let’s dig into this:

First, let’s go down a well-worn path and establish the worthlessness of privilege as an analytical lens. We’ll start with two basic observations: 1) on the whole, white people have an easier time existing within these United States than non-white people, and 2) systemic racism exists, at least to the extent that non-white people face hurdles that make it harder for them to achieve safety and material success.

I think a large majority of Americans would agree with both of these statements--somewhere in the ballpark of 80%, including many people you and I would agree are straight-up racists. They are obvious and undeniable, the equivalent to saying “politicians are corrupt” or “good things are good and bad things are bad.” Nothing about them is difficult or groundbreaking.

As simplistic as these statements may be, privilege theory attempts to make them the primary foreground of all understandings of social systems and human interaction. Hence the focus on an acknowledgement of privilege as the ends and means of social justice. We must keep admitting to privilege, keep announcing our awareness, again and again and again, vigilance is everything, there is nothing beyond awareness.

Of course, acknowledging the existence of inequities does nothing to actually address those inequities. Awareness can serve as an important (though not necessarily indispensable) precondition for change, but does not lead to change in and of itself.

I’ve been saying this for years but the point still stands: those who advocate for privilege theory almost never articulate how awareness by itself will bring about change. Even in the most generous hypothetical situation, where all human interaction is prefaced by a formal enunciation of the raced-based power dynamics presently at play, this acknowledgement doesn’t actually change anything. There is never a Step Two.

Now, some people have suggested Step Twos. But suggestions are usually ignored, and on the rare occasions they are addressed they are dismissed without fail, often on grounds that are incredibly specious and dishonest. To hit upon another well-worn point, let’s look at the presidential campaign of Bernie Sanders. The majority of Sanders’ liberal critics admit that the senator’s record on racial justice is impeccable, and that his platform would have done substantially more to materially address racial inequities than that being proffered by any of his opponents. That’s all agreed upon, yet we are told that none of that actually matters.

Sanders dropped out of the race nearly 3 months ago, yet just this past week The New York Times published yet another hit piece explaining that while his policies would have benefitted black people, the fact that he strayed from arbitrarily invoked rhetorical standards meant he was just too problematic to support.

The piece was written by Sidney Ember, a Wall Street hack who cites anonymous finance and health insurance lobbyists to argue that financial regulation is racist. Ember, like most other neoliberals, has been struggling to reconcile her vague support for recent protests with the fact that she is paid to lie about people who have tried to fix things. Now that people are forcefully demanding change, the Times have re-deployed her to explain why change is actually bad even though it’s good.

How does one pivot from celebrating the fact that black people will not be receiving universal healthcare to mourning racially disproportionate COVID death rates? They equivocate. They lean even harder on rhetorical purity, dismissing a focus on policy as a priori blind to race. Bernie never said “white privilege.” Well, okay, he did, but he didn’t say it in the right tone or often enough, and that’s what the problem was. Citing Ember:

Yet amid a national movement for racial justice that took hold after high-profile killings of black men and women, there is also an acknowledgment among some progressives that their discussion of racism, including from their standard-bearer, did not seem to meet or anticipate the forcefulness of these protests.

Kimberlé Crenshaw, the legal scholar who pioneered the concept of intersectionality to describe how various forms of discrimination can overlap, said that Mr. Sanders struggled with the reality that talking forcefully about racial injustice has traditionally alienated white voters — especially the working-class white voters he was aiming to win over. But that is where thinking of class as a “colorblind experience” limits white progressives. “Class cannot help you see the specific contours of race disparity,” she said.

Many other institutions, she noted, have now gone further faster than the party that is the political base of most African-American voters. “You basically have a moment where every corporation worth its salt is saying something about structural racism and anti-blackness, and that stuff is even outdistancing what candidates in the Democratic Party were actually saying,” she said.

Crenshaw’s point here is that the empty, utterly immaterial statements of support coming from multinational corporations are more substantial and important than policy proposals that would have actually addressed racial inequities. This is astounding. A full throated embrace of entropy as praxis.

Crenshaw started out the primary as a Warren supporter but threw her endorsement to Bernie once the race had narrowed to two viable candidates. This fact is not mentioned, nor does Ember feel the need to touch upon any of Biden’s dozens of rhetorical missteps regarding race (you might remember that he kicked off his presidential run with a rambling story about the time he toughed it out with a black ne'er do well named Corn Pop, or his more recent assertion that if you don’t vote for him, “you ain’t black.”). The statement here--not the implication: the direct and undeniable statement--is that tone and posturing are more important than material proposals, and that concerns regarding tone and posturing should only be raised in order to delegitimize those who have dared to proffer proposals that might actually change things for the better.

The ascendence of privilege theory marks the triumph of selective indignation, the ruling class and their media lackeys having been granted the power to dismiss any and all proposals for material change according to standards that are too nonsensical to be enforced in any fair or consistent manner. The concept has immense utility for those who wish to perpetuate the status quo. And that, more than anything, is why it’s gotten so successful so quickly. But still… why have people fallen for something so obviously craven and regressive? Why are so few decent people able to summon even the smallest critique against it?

We can answer this by taking a clear look at what privilege actually entails. And this is where things get really, really grim:

What are the material effects of privilege, at least as they are imagined by those who believe the concept to be something that must be sussed out and eradicated? A privileged person gets to live their life with the expectation that they will face no undue hurdles to success and fulfillment because of their identity markers, that they will not be subject to constant surveillance and/or made to suffer grave consequences for minor or arbitrary offenses, and that police will not be able to murder them at will. The effects of “privilege” are what we might have once called “freedom” or “dignity.” Until very recently, progressives regarded these effects not as problematic, but as a humane baseline, a standard that all decent people should fight to provide to all of our fellow citizens.

Here we find the utility in the use of the specific term “privilege.” Similar to how austerity-minded politicians refer to social security as an “entitlement,” conflating dignity and privilege gives it the sense of something undeserved and unearned--things that no one, let alone members of racially advantaged groups, could expect for themselves unless they were blinded by selfishness and coddled by an insufficiently cruel social structure. The problem isn’t therefore that humans are being selectively brutalized. Brutality is the baseline, the natural order, the unavoidable constant that has not been engineered into our society but simply is what society is and will always be. The problem, instead, is that some people are being exempted from some forms of brutalization. The problem is that pain does not stretch far enough.

We are a nation that worships cruelty and authority. All Americans, regardless of gender or race, are united in being litigious tattletales who take joy in hurting one another, who will never run out of ways to rationalize their own cruelty even as they decry the cruelty of others. We are taught from birth that human life has no value, that material success is morally self-validating, and that those who suffer deserve to suffer. This is our real cultural brokenness: a deep, foundational hatred of one another and of ourselves. It transcends all identity markers. It stains us all. And it’s why we’ve all run headlong into a regressive and idiotic understanding of race at a time when we desperately need to unite and help one another.

235 notes · View notes

tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

Text

Title: Division of Labor (2/?)

Summary:

“The past years, we have noticed a lot of our fresh high school graduates knew nothing about responsibilities the that awaited them outside high school and even college. Many students do not master budgeting, taxes, household planning, loans and we hope to raise a generation who can navigate the adult world without the consequences of bad decisions they are bound to make going in blindly…”

Paradis High school starts a program incorporating adulting into their curriculum and Hange and Levi are paired together.

Note: From request of @a-golden-hearted-snk-fan. See this link for the request

Other Chapters: 1 3

Link to cross-postings: AO3

"This doesn't make any sense."

Jean had always been one of the more vocal ones in the classroom when it came to inconvenient developments. More often than not, people had just brushed off his complaints and banter as an inevitable part of his personality. That was one of the few times everyone else agreed with him.

The rest though just sat silently in the classroom while both Erwin and Shadis went out of the room, to get what was supposed to be their "kids."

Having taken classes on reproduction and health growing up, most if not all the people in the room already knew the amount of money it took to raise a child and the importance of contraception.

Oddly enough though, the number of kids was decided at random, only justified by the fact that they would never know how many dependents they'll have to care of one day.

"Every single one of you will be faced with the prospect of taking care of a dependent one day, maybe for a few years, maybe for decades," Erwin had explained. He had a natural charisma in the way he carried himself and spoke that made everyone in the room aware of their own tendency for altruism. Everyone had somebody in their life, they probably would have dug into their savings to support be it a mother, a sibling or a close friend.

They were all silently doing their own reflections of who that person would have been as Shadis passed around sacks of flour at random.

"Just be lucky you don't have to do this in real life yet. This adult experience is fucking watered down already. If we could simulate the pain of childhood or the stench of a dirty diaper, we would. " Shadis' words were a stark contrast to Erwin's.

Either way, everyone was too distracted by the number they were getting and the whole prospect of having sack babies in the first place to even react to his words.

"We initially thought of using actual eggs or flour but if you're going to be taking care of this for the whole year…” Erwin fell silent for a second. “That would be disgusting."

The sack was definitely much lighter than what Levi had expected. He squeezed it, noting the firmness of the sack. It was stuffed with cotton. They thought some of it through at least.

Erwin turned on his projector, looking undisturbed by the awkward silence in the room. "By the end of this month, these are what I expect from all of you," He started. "An overview of career plans, a meal plan, a house design based on real estate prices around the area and a breakdown of house responsibilities."

He moved his tacky pointer towards the line on meal plans. "Every two weeks you and your partner go to the supermarket, assess grocery prices and submit me a list of groceries you would buy and a meal plan based on that for the family you have with you. Remember, you are still limited by your wage and each sack represents an extra mouth to consider when you make the meal plan. I will be sending a more detailed version with the deadlines and a prescribed format through email.”

The class was silent for a time. The only notable sounds coming from that room were the scratching of pencil and paper and a few sighs. Hange was taking notes next to Levi while the latter wondered why she even bothered when Erwin was going to send the rest of the information through email after all.

Erwin spent a good few seconds taking stock of everyone in the room before letting out a subtle sigh of his own. "Don't look too overwhelmed, these assignments will be incorporated into all your other classes anyway. Just don't expect teachers from other subjects to spoon feed you though. As much as possible we want you to learn to work with it independently."

Division of Labor

Regardless of what Erwin said, everyone was left overwhelmed anyway. The prospect of having to deal with that heavy of a workload and having that performance affect their chances at college had people spending their precious one hour of lunch time with their partners.

Despite his generally antisocial personality, Levi was rarely alone for lunch. Most days he spent his breaks with his classmates Petra and Oluo. Sometimes Gunther and Eld from the other section would join in. That was unless he felt particularly compelled to spend a lunch break alone. It was as if everyone silently agreed to use that short hour to discuss and strategize with their partners. Levi did not even have time to protest that trend, as his own friends filed out of their seats with their partners, not even bothering to ask if he would be joining them for lunch.

Or did they even need to ask? Hange was right next to him, already taking out her lunch and looking at him expectantly. “Let’s go?”

“Wait, who said we were having lunch together?”

Hange gestured subtly at the already empty room, as if to ask him “what else?” Levi cursed himself for even complaining about groupmates who never pulled their weight. At that moment, an overly enthusiastic groupmate seemed more unbearable and Levi almost wished he could have gotten a lazy and uninterested groupmate instead. At least then he’d be able to decide for himself when to start working.

They sat on one of the picnic tables in the school courtyard, Hange with a boxed lunch and Levi with his homemade sandwich. Their two sack babies were stacked up to the side of the table.

"So what do we name them?" Hange asked.

Levi grabbed one of the sacks from the pile and propped it up on his lunch bag, an attempt to use that empty slate of a sack as a guide to imagining what should be a face. With that, Levi could pretend they were at least kind of living and maybe they did deserve names.

"Flour," Levi suggested. His attempts to see life in faceless sacks came out fruitless.

"Let's try to be a little more creative Levi."

"Why do we even have to give names to these things? They're not even alive. Like nobody is gonna press charges if I stabbed it right now anyway."

"Because they're grading us,” Hange took out a permanent marker and carefully drew a smiling face one sack. She made sure to add a few lines of what looked to be bangs. As she went for the other sack, Levi could not help but notice the goofy smile that appeared on her face.

Levi narrowed his eyes. "You're enjoying this?”

"We’re here. Might as well enjoy it right?" Hange shrugged." If you're not gonna name them. I will." She propped the one she had just finished drawing on, up on Levi’s lunch bag. “This is Flora.” She continued drawing on the other sack. “And this is Fauna."

The names sounded to Levi like science terms he had learned too long ago and had wanted to forget. They flew into one ear and out the other within seconds and Levi had settled for internally naming the sacks the first thing he thought of when he saw Hange's artwork: “ugly bangs” and “eyelash.”

He made sure not to tell Hange though. She seemed way too enthusiastic about her naming choices.

Division of Labor

Although Levi did have a natural talent with numbers, this potential remained untapped through most of high school. The most apparent reason for this being the fact that the person teaching them Math, at one of the most important times in their high school life was an utter prick.

That utter prick of a Math teacher during their sophomore year made a comeback as their teacher for their junior year. He did not look too happy about it either. Levi at least shared that same sentiment.

"So I'm supposed to be teaching you guys about taxes but really, believe me, you won't really use half of this shit, just hire an accountant.” Zeke Yaeger propped his feet on the teacher’s table, not bothering to even explain the table of tax rates he had flashed as a powerpoint slide next to him. “ Or... just get an employer, they’ll calculate it for you anyway.”

“Do you mean get a job sir?” It was Marco who so politely asked the question.

“Get a job, get an employer, same banana.” Zeke answered, in between gulps of coffee.

Somehow everyone knew that getting a job would probably be not as easy as the phrase “get an employer” implied it to be. Zeke was their teacher though and he probably knew much more than they did, given the decades of work experience he had in his belt.

“Don’t we need to know how to calculate our taxes based on the table?” Armin asked. He looked to his partner Annie who seemed to be furiously taking notes.

Zeke looked once again at the board for a few minutes before slamming his cup on the table, spilling out some coffee in the process. “Just remember, if your employer promises you 70,000 dollars a year, don’t be surprised when you end up taking home 50,000 dollars coz of some bullshit about the government needing money, insurance and retirement.” He rolled his eyes. “Not like we all live that long to enjoy that K410 nonsense anyway.” He added bitterly, adding some venom on that part about that string of numbers in particular.

“If we own a business, how do we file them?” Annie asked.

“No one needs to know how to do this. Besides, you’re all in high school. Don’t stress yourself over this. Like I said before, just get an accountant.”

“What if we can’t afford an accountant?”

“Then don’t own a fucking business.” Zeke rolled his eyes. “Fine… Look, I didn’t prepare for that question, gimme a sec.”

The class watched as he closed the powerpoint, quickly opened an incognito window and went on google.

How to file taxes as business owners?

Zeke stared at the next few pages for what seemed like minutes, before clicking on one particular page.

“So yeah, it looks like you just fill out this form and send the money to the tax office.” He shrugged. “Your generation grew up with ipads glued to your faces. I’m sure you’re way better in googling shit than I am so yeah, just google the rest of what you need. Free period until your next class, now go talk about your fake taxes or your fake house or something.”

Division of Labor

Even with the free period Zeke had so generously given them, no one was able to start anything until they got home. It was eight in the evening when Levi opened his school email to find the information on their next tasks, which was sent only a few minutes ago.

September*

Week 3

Housing plan (Wednesday)

Housing Design (Wednesday)

Daily routine

Meal Plan

Week 4

Breakdown of Responsibilities

*Unless otherwise stated, please submit output by Friday of said week

Levi did not even have time to finish scanning through the guide to their housing plan task as his computer started to slow down, unable to take the quick scrolling. He soon realized it was not the scrolling that had made the computer so dysfunctional. On the lower right of his screen, he saw the notification.

Hange Zoe

New Message

The badge next to his messaging app, quickly rose from 12 unread messages to 26 to 45. Even the screen looked unable to display the messages properly. Wanting to save his computer from anymore torture, Levi grabbed his phone from his bed side and called his partner.

“If you have a lot of things you need to tell me, call .” Levi said, not even bothering to wait for a hello from Hange.

“Oh great! So you did get the messages! For a while I was wondering if your messenger app was broken.”

Levi looked back at the screen to see that the badge next to his app was already displaying a “99+.” If his application or his laptop was not broken then, it might break when he opens the application.

“What the hell are you sending anyway?” Levi asked, delaying the inevitable of having to open the messaging app.

“Links to houses for the housing plan,” Hange answered matter-of-factly. “Unless you’d rather I just say the links out loud for you to type it in the browser yourself.”

With a part of him so nervous at the possibly of his computer hanging or even breaking, Levi had ended having to slam his finger on his mouse when he opened the messaging app. He looked away not wanting to see how his computer tried to process the 99+ messages.

He lay on his bed opening the file on his phone.

“So, since I’m working freelance, I pretty much have a work from home job so we can live anywhere. We have two kids, so what do you think of a three bedroom house?”

“A ‘house house?” Levi looked around at his own living space which his uncle rented for him. He lived in a studio apartment and the concept of living in a house, even in a simulation seemed too unrealistic. “Like a house, with two floors, and multiple bedrooms?”

“And a garden!” Hange said excitedly. “So Flora and Fauna can run around.”

It took Levi a few seconds to comprehend that Hange was discussing their flour sack babies running around an imaginary garden. Levi was sure Hange was not an idiot though and had decided to at least entertain the expensive option of a fully furnished three bedroom house with a sprawling garden. “And, how were the prices?” Levi walked back to his computer to see that most of his messages had already loaded.

“Well, I found some for 1500 dollars a month, others for 1800 dollars a month. I earn 3600 dollars a month apparently, so I don’t think spending half of it on rent would be too much right?”

“I mean, it’s your wages right?” Levi replied. In truth, a part of him just did not want to go through all one hundred houses Hange had linked him too on the messaging application just to decide on a house.

Hange sent a picture of a split level house, with a wide front garden. “This is my favorite! It comes with a large backyard. And it only costs 1800 dollars a month!”

Only 1800 dollars a month. Levi almost choked. The words “only” and “1800 dollars a month” just seemed too absurd to his ears that someone saying it so casually had him speechless even if Hange was talking about a three bedroom house with a sprawling garden. He cleared his throat. “You’re the breadwinner.”

“Okay! Let’s design the house! I’ll move to my laptop.”

For some reason, Levi had a bad feeling about the listing Hange had shown him. He quickly brushed it away as it came, attributing it to the fact that he never really grew up with enough money to entertain the idea of spending on luxuries. He lived with less than three hundred dollars a month after all, all funded by his absent uncle.

Hange had seemed confident with her decision though.

I’ll stick to what I know best. In the end, Levi decided to leave the larger purchases to Hange. Hehad confidence only in his ability to manage a household. Maybe he would be able to contribute then.

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #levi x hange #fanfic

44 notes · View notes

halothenthehorns · 4 years ago

Text

TLTNL- GRAWP

"What I don't understand," Remus said in exasperation, "is how Voldemort was even in Nagini's mind? What on earth kind of magic allows that!"

It had taken them ages for the Marauders to finally stop talking about the twins epic leave of Hogwarts, but finally as James made to grab for the book again, Remus chose now to break in with something he'd been thinking on all morning. He glanced anxiously at Harry, and though he paled and flinched again at the reminder, he waved Remus on with a curious look in place.

"We've no more idea than how he's even alive," Sirius sighed, also glancing at Harry nervously, though in fear for what was happening to his pup, he was sure Harry could handle this conversation so long as he had them around.

"I was wondering if it was some unprecedented Parseltongue ability." Remus offered. "Nagini was telling Voldemort what happened in such detail, Voldemort was visualizing the whole thing, and Harry just happened to be present while that was happening. Just because Snape said it happened one way doesn't mean there aren't other options."

"I mean, I guess it could have happened that way," Lily frowned as she thought that through. "He'd be learning about this information and feeling the emotions in the moment, so it still counts-"

"but doesn't explain Harry's insisting fear he felt he had fangs for a moment," James disagreed.

"Harry still could have just been projecting what Voldemort was visualizing during Nagini's attack," Sirius disagreed.

"None of that explains Dumbledore's sudden no contact with Harry," Lily shot down. "This must be something, more. I can't think how else to put it, but something new must have happened over the summer, some ability Voldemort seems to have. It clearly does involve Harry in some way, his mind and connection at least, that has Dumbledore avoiding Harry."

"That doesn't track with everything else though," James said in exasperation. "Why allow Harry to even know about the Order if he really thought Harry knowing anything was dangerous?"

"He hasn't let me know much of anything," Harry shot back. He hated having to think about all this again, but it somehow felt better as well. He was no longer in the heat of the memory, being forced to listen to the idea he was turning into Voldemort. Now he instead got to hear them push around theories and ideas, and that would always feel more bearable, especially when he could feel they were close.

James didn't blame Moony for the change of subject, that had probably been on his mind since the part before Snape's memory had turned their world in a new direction, and it was a miracle he hadn't butted in with this by now. Nonetheless he beckoned to Harry, "why don't we do something nice for your mum, we'll do lunch."

Harry didn't hesitate in following him out, Lily watching them with a light frown. She didn't think Harry felt any ill will for James anymore, but clearly James had more to say. So she forced herself to remain in her seat rather than follow.

When James had said, 'do lunch,' he actually just rapped a pot on the stove to start heating leftovers, but it was the thought that counted, right? Instead he watched as Harry uneasily set the table. When both tasks were done, lunch was ready, and still neither had said a word, James finally forced himself to just spit out what he'd been chewing on this whole time.

"I am sorry."

Harry looked around in surprise, that was usually his line.

James watched Harry steadily for a reaction, hoping his continuing to bring this up wouldn't change whatever comfort Harry had taken in from Sirius, but he couldn't let this one drop without saying his piece either. "Not for that time," he clarified, "I'll never let anyone talk to Lily like that, but I am sorry I was that way, and it pushed Snape into saying that. I'm sorry if what I did to him really did push him into being a Death Eater, when I'd spent the past five years of my life showing Sirius that would never happen to him despite his family. I'm sorry for the way Snape treats you, that's entirely my fault."

Harry rested his hand on the back of a chair like he needed the support. The realizations still hit sometimes, that he was speaking to James instead of wishing it like he'd spent all his life doing, and now more than ever after such a harrowing blow to his memory was returned. "I forgave you," he told him with confidence. "It's like Lupin said, you were only fifteen. If you guys had just seen shots of my memory, me shouting at my friends for nothing, Hermione punching Malfoy, Ron's anger at me before the First Task; you'd all be thinking the worst as well. I wish I'd gotten to know more about you, but Mum's right. You changed," Harry stopped there. He wanted to say Snape hadn't, that he was still a bitter fifteen year old treating Harry like dirt because of what James had once done, but the words wouldn't fully come to him either. Snape was still a vindictive arse, but this memory had really charged something in him, leaving him very confused about his full memories to the man.

James didn't seem to notice that part though, as he roughly pulled Harry into a hug. The absolute fear Harry could have actually hated him hadn't really been felt until it was gone.

Harry returned the affection with a natural ease he never would have believed.

He also broke the hug first, saying, "I'm glad this one should be almost over, I've had a bad feeling about it from the start and I really just want to be done with this year."

James agreed at once, though Harry felt like he hadn't made himself plain enough about that bad feeling considering he was still smiling.

At least lunch was a calm affair, Lily saying they should be able to finish this book by dinner if they didn't have any more long dramatic interruptions which she tried to blame entirely on Sirius.

Sirius informed her she did this too much, but took the blame with grace by spending the rest of lunch refusing to talk about anything else by discussing with the boys anything and everything he could about Quidditch.

James and Lily managed to slip away for a few minutes by themselves to care for the baby, and James happily showed Lily a broom design made from redwood. Even if that tree wasn't native to their land, he'd import it just for his Lily flower.

It didn't actually take that much effort though to get them all back in seats, but they'd switched it up just a bit so now Harry was in between James and Sirius again simply to prove he had no ill will towards either of them. Remus took the seat next to Lily and muttered for her alone while James began looking for his place, "any bets on how long before the next catastrophe takes place in here?"

"I'd rather just pretend there's not going to be one," Lily huffed.

"Joys of being a pessimist, either you expect the worst, or you're pleasantly surprised to be wrong," Remus shrugged without remorse.

"That sounded more like the optimistic view on pessimism," Lily rolled her eyes while James began with a genuine smile again.

The story of Fred and George's was retold so often over the next few days that Harry could tell it would soon become the stuff of Hogwarts legend:

"I'm so proud!" Sirius squealed. "We've forever been upstaged by Weasley's and I'm not even upset!"

"I can hardly believe what they did, the mark they left," James couldn't stop smiling for something so momentous as the twins putting themselves into Hogwarts history like that.

For just a moment as Harry watched them react so proudly to this, he got just a touch jealous. They'd made it clear they were proud of him too, but he'd certainly never felt like he'd done anything Marauder worthy like the twins just had. Then he wondered if this was how Ron felt all the time, towards his own brothers, to his own best friend?

it stretched into the two becoming their own phrase, students could now be heard saying if they suffered anymore classes they'd pull a Weasley.

"I can't believe we were so easily replaced with our infamy," Sirius sighed.

"I think hiding our symbol in the Shrieking Shack is still good enough," Remus shrugged, that was where they spent more time than even their dormitory.

"Yeah," James grudgingly agreed, "guess I'm just jealous. If it wasn't for Lily, I'd feel like I wasted my last year at school not doing something as spectacular before I left."

Lily blushed faintly James had actually admitted aloud he'd cooled himself down just for her.

Fred and George had made sure nobody was likely to forget them too soon.

"Oh that's impossible," Sirius said firmly.

For one thing, they hadn't a clue how to remove the swamp filled corridor.

Then James promptly burst out with laughter as he kept envisioning the thing, the others joining in with delight. They hadn't thought the twins could get better and they just kept being proven wrong.

Umbridge and Filch had been seen trying all manner of things to be rid of it, but with nothing working, Filch was given the task of ferrying people across when need be, who was not at all pleased with this.

Lily gave a righteous laugh, still wanting to punt him from the school after what he'd so wanted to do to the twins, to any student. This was far more what he deserved.

Harry was certain that competent teachers could have removed the swamp in an instant,

"Well I do agree," Lily nodded, her mind boggling a bit at this stretch of magic, "I'd like to ask them how. What kind of magic even was that, an ever lasting potion, a transfiguration spell for the corridor?"

"I want to ask the twins!" Sirius whined. "Curse them not having done this yet."

Remus gave him a look for that comment even as he did agree.

but just as in the case of the fireworks, they seemed to prefer to watch Umbridge struggle.

"The appropriate response," Remus agreed.

Umbridge's door had to be replaced for the two broom shaped holes in it, and rumor now had it Harry's Firebolt was being kept in the dungeon with a security troll to prevent him doing the same.

"I actually believe that," Sirius groaned miserably.

"I wish you'd summoned it to you when they had," James sighed. "Even if you didn't fly off and join them, you'd find a way to keep it out of her webbed fingers."

"I was a little stunned at the moment," Harry protested, and no one argued the point, as they would have been as well.

Her troubles were still only just beginning.

Inspired by the twins, half the population of the school was now vying for the newly vacant position of Troublemakers-in-Chief.

"At some point the title could rest in peace," Lily said without a hope it would happen.

"My fingers are crossed for Ginny now," Sirius grinned, clearly the lot of them ignoring her, "she's got potential."

"What about that one lad always friends with the twins," Remus offered. "He wasn't mentioned going with them, but I'm sure he'd still miss them enough to keep up their legacy one more year."

"Guess it's too much to ask you tried?" James asked of Harry, who was already shaking his head in answer even with a smirk in place for remembering the chaos so constantly erupting in corridors for all this.

Such occurrences of this involved a niffler somehow getting into Umbridge's office and trying to chew off her rings.

"That poor Niffler," Remus said in concern.

"I saw Hagrid nursing it that afternoon," Harry promised.

As well as Dungbombs and Stink Pellets were dropped so frequently in the corridors that the Bubble-Head Charm became a new trend,

"I'm glad that spell's gotten some popularity," James grinned even remembering the ire of not knowing about it when it would have come in handy.

even though it gave them all the peculiar appearance of wearing upside-down goldfish bowls on their heads.

"Well, whoever said fashion isn't functional clearly never met that trend setter," Lily giggled.

When he wasn't attending tasks, Filch was prowling the corridors with a horsewhip in hand, desperate to catch someone to use it on, but the problem was there were so many around he had no clue which way to turn.

Harry watched all of them shake their heads in disgust for that, Lily even starting to get a nervous tick picturing some poor innocent kid ending up on the wrong side of him, so soothed, "don't worry, as far as I know, no one actually did get a single hit. If ever it looked like he'd pinned down someone long enough, kids you'd never believe did something to distract him so others could run away. I saw this Slytherin fourth year knock over a statue on purpose after Filch was screaming at a little Hufflepuff girl for accidentally tripping over one and 'destroying school property.'"

As if they hadn't enough reason to smile already, that gave them all yet more warmth for this display.

The Inquisitorial Squad was trying to help, but odd things kept happening to the members. Warrington was submitted to the hospital wing for his skin being covered in something akin to burnt cornflakes,

"I feel like someone got a hold of more wartcap powder," Sirius smirked.

and Pansy missed all her lessons the following day as she had sprouted antlers.

James in particular looked pleased with this bit of magic, one of his personal favorite tricks when people asked why he was called Prongs was to grow antlers on others for answer and claim that as his signature spell.

It also became clear just how many Skiving Snackboxes Fred and George had sold in their time, as soon every one of Umbridge's classes were fainting, vomiting, high with fevers, or had blood pouring endlessly from their noses, claiming to have Umbridge-itis.

"A deadly disease I would not wish upon my worst enemy," Remus kept grinning wider every second.

"I don't know, what do you think would happen if we put Voldemort and Umbridge in the same room?" Sirius couldn't help but ask.

"Either they'll kill each other-" Lily said hopefully.

"Or she'll have a new master to follow and somehow become even more terrifying," James shivered. "I still can't believe she's not actually a Death Eater!"

After putting four successive classes in detention and failing to discover their secret,

Harry sighed heavily for that one, rubbing at the back of his hand in remembrance. Madam Pomfrey had ordered whole stocks of Essence of Murtlap and had started handing them out without question, but none of that made it feel better to see others suffering what he had.

she was forced to let the droves of students leave.

In all their efforts though, no student had come close to the master of chaos, Peeves, who seemed to have taken Fred's words to heart.

James looked as if he'd found a treasure map, ticking off each item Peeves did like a new nugget of gold!

In a constant state of cackling, he was never seen without anymore; bursting through walls to scare anyone on the other side, knocking over whatever was upright, regularly shutting Mrs. Norris into anything available, smashing anything remotely breakable, juggling lit candles, flooding whole hallways, dropping tarantulas into the Great Hall during meals,

"I'll bet Ron loved that one," Remus got out in between James' breathless retelling.

and whenever he fancied a break, spent hours at a time floating along after Umbridge and blowing loud raspberries every time she spoke.

"I am actually impressed," Lily said faintly. "I never thought he could get worse!"

None of the staff but Filch seemed to be stirring themselves to help her.

"I'd be worried if they were," James wheezed, acting so giddy upon reading such massive mayhem he was likely to pass out soon. Of all the regimes going on inside their school, all the hateful new being passed around his son, finally some good was being the cause of it all!

In exact opposite it seemed, as Harry distinctly saw McGonagall pass by Peeves trying to unscrew a chandelier, and she told him it worked the other way.

Sirius fist pumped the air in triumph, all of them red faced from laughter and wishing McGonagall was here already so they could give her a hug in congratulations.

To cap matters, Montague had still not recovered from his sojourn in the toilet;

Sirius managed an extra hard laugh for that swift remembrance.

and his parents had been summoned to the school, the trio watching their arrival on the front lawn through their Charms class.

Hermione was worried they should say something about what happened to him, if it might help Madam Pomfrey cure him.

"Nah," the three Marauders said at once, while Harry rubbed at his temple in some empathy for Montague and Lily just shook her head at them.

Then they froze, and looked to Harry like any hint of no remorse upon another student would set him back into thinking the worst of them again. He however only considered this like he did all their passing comments, just them mouthing off. Even if they did mean it, he still couldn't really care, Madam Pomfrey had fixed worse injuries without anyone's help.

Ron said no at once, he'd be fine.

Harry agreeing it only caused more problems for Umbridge.

"This is true, it's not a good mark for the woman parents have to come up to the school," James smirked.

Not at all distracted, the two tried to tap their teacups and have legs grow from them. The spell was supposed to be like Hermione's, who's had grown four strong willow sticks and was trotting around happily.* Instead, Harry's grew such tiny stumps they didn't even bend enough to bring his cup off the desk, and Ron's were so flimsy the cup stood for only a second before falling and cracking in half.

Hermione repaired Ron's cup for him while still speaking if Montague was permanently injured?

Remus actually considered that for a second, again remembering the half broken cabinet and genuinely wondering if something had gone permanently wrong there.

Harry suddenly felt a heavy twitch cross his mind, some dire warning he should have paid more attention to this, because someone had...but he tried to shake that off and told, "I feel like he recovered." For some reason though, this only made him feel worse, and they easily let the matter drop, all confident Pomfrey could fix this.

Ron insisted no one cared, this was only a good thing for their already slim chances at the Quidditch Cup. If Hermione wanted someone to worry about, let it be him.

"Oh Ron, the spell's not that hard," Lily giggled, Flitwick would probably just assign them more homework practice.

While putting his finger under his cup to help support its weight, he told them he was expecting a howler any day now when it got through Umbridge's screening process.

"Why?" Sirius said slowly.

"If I'd guessed, it would have been back when the DA had been outed, but it's been far too long, he hasn't done anything more recently," James agreed curiously.

Hermione tried to ask why, but Ron was already explaining his mum was going to blame him for not stopping the twins leaving. He should have grabbed their broom tails or something to stop them, this was somehow going to be all his fault.

"Oh, she wouldn't," Lily tried to say even if her tone showed no signs of meaning it.

"I really can't see even Molly doing this one," Sirius shook his head. "I don't remember her ever saying to go after the twins once he got his Prefect badge. She's got a bad habit of comparing the youngest to the elders, but never seems to have expected the younger set to tell the elder ones off."

Harry at least fervently hoped so, Ron most certainly did not deserve that one when Harry was their enabler in all of this.

Hermione said if she did, it would be entirely unfair, he couldn't have done anything.

Harry grinned for Hermione again, thankful that finally she seemed to be on their side again in these arguments.

She was confident Molly wouldn't, clearly they had been planning this anyways if they had premise in Diagon Alley.

Ron said that was something odd though, as he wrapped his teacup to try the spell again, but he'd hit it so hard it only fell again.

"I don't think that's helping," Lily randomly giggled.

Where had they gotten the gold for that? Their mum was going to want to know.

"Did they never ask you what you did with your Triwizard Winnings?" James asked. He knew Harry had never told them, but his friends had never brought it up?

"I guess they just assumed I shoved it into my vault," Harry shrugged.

Hermione agreed that had occurred to her too, ignoring her own cup that was going in circles around Harry's cup who still hadn't tried moving with its stubby legs.

"This is just getting insulting," Lily couldn't stop giggling even while she said it.

She'd been wondering if they'd been doing work for Mundungus to get that kind of money.

"That wouldn't have been a bad guess," Remus agreed.

Harry said they hadn't at once.

"You finally going to tell them, because otherwise that was idiotic," Sirius scolded.

"I wasn't going to have their family thinking they'd done something illegal," Harry sighed. "I'd far rather Mrs. Weasley hate me than think something like that of anymore of her children."

"She's not going to hate you," James at once said with conviction. "The only thing she might be is flustered at the generosity, but she'll just have to get over that."

They asked how Harry would know that, and he only hesitated a moment before finally telling why.

Hermione was so surprised, her cup took a dive off the desk and neither of them noticed.

"Timing," Lily gave the loudest snicker of all.

Ron stated this was excellent, at once asking if he could tell his mum this was all Harry's fault!

Sirius burst out with laughter once again, James nodding along and agreeing, "Ron's priorities."

Harry agreed he'd better, especially if she was going to start thinking her sons had stolen cauldrons.

"I can see why you wanted to wait," Remus agreed, "now they're really going and she can't guilt them into giving it back."

Hermione said nothing at all for the rest of the lesson, but Harry had a shrewd suspicion that her self-restraint was bound to crack before long.

They all sighed, not particularly wanting to hear another Hermione lecture about what Harry had done stupidly lately.

Sure enough, once they were out in the quad in the weak May light, she turned to him with a determined look on her face, so Harry interrupted before she could start.

"Has that ever helped?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"Nope, but it was worth a shot after the last time she spent a whole day on it," Harry sighed.

He told her not to even start, it was over and done with, and to save her breath because he did not regret doing this for them.

Hermione sounded hurt when she said she wasn't going to say anything about that.

"Maybe if she wasn't nagging you all the time, she wouldn't be so offended when you try to stop her doing it," Remus rolled his eyes.

"Oh stop," Harry cut them off with a sigh. "Hermione's a bit much, I know that better than anyone, but lay off her for a bit, I jumped the wrong conclusion that time."

They gave in with a muttered apology.

Ron snorted disbelievingly and Hermione threw him a very dirty look.

"Can't say that wasn't deserved though," Remus muttered.

She insisted she wasn't, she'd wanted to ask him when he was going to ask Snape for more Occlumency lessons

"Why!" Sirius demanded. "He's been tortured enough this year!"

Once Fred and George's dramatic departure had evaporated their talk, the two had wanted to know what Harry had gone to talk to Sirius about. Still failing to explain the initial reason, Harry instead told them it had been to do with Snape stopping his lessons and Sirius wanted him to keep going with them.

James crinkled his nose at this, saying, "there are far too many holes in that, I'm not surprised Hermione's trying to get the real story."

"That's still not why she was having a go at me," Harry groaned.

He had regretted this ever since, as Hermione had then chosen to bring the subject up again when Harry least expected it.

"Ah, well honestly this one's your own fault, I could have told you not to bring this back up with her," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Especially as you still have no intentions of doing it," Remus shook his head, Harry's expression made that abundantly clear, and he felt quite sore his warning had so easily been brushed off by Harry.

Hermione snapped at him he couldn't pretend like they weren't needed, Ron had said he'd been muttering in his sleep again.

Harry gave Ron a furious look, who had the grace to be ashamed.

"I don't know, I can see the good of that one," Lily sighed as she saw some snippy comment on Sirius' lips. "He's worried about his friend, not on the same level as Hermione, but both recognize far more than you seem to this shouldn't be entertained," she finished with a look at Harry, who also had the grace to look ashamed for never trying harder at this. He wasn't sure if it was his mother's guilt trip, or something far more unspeakable that was causing him to feel this so heavily...

Ron apologetically said for both it had only been a bit, he'd been muttering about reaching further.

Harry lied he'd been dreaming of Quidditch, he wanted Ron to reach out just a bit further for the Quaffle.

Ron's ears went red, while Harry didn't feel a drop of remorse for lying.

"Brutal," Sirius laughed in surprise.

"But deserved," James sighed.

He had in fact again dreamed all the way up to the room full of glass spun orbs, but again woken up feeling he'd been moments away from the true want.

James stopped in alarm at the noise Harry made, all of them looking to him with deep concern as he groaned with misery, head in his hands again, breathing so heavily they could have been his last breaths.

"Harry!" James swiftly put the book aside at such an alarming reaction that somehow got worse each time this was brought up. "Harry, calm down! You're going to be fine, whatever is in there, you are going to be fine!"

This had no effect on making him better, as that was not what was gripping him so tight he couldn't breath. It wasn't his safety he so feared.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay," Sirius insisted, looking frantically to Lily or Remus to help, but they had no more clue what left him in such a mess. "Erm, what if I-" his mind flagged desperately for something to distract Harry with, "show you how we created the Marauders Map!"

"What?" Harry looked up in genuine surprise, the pain from his skull not yet fully subsiding which must explain the tears trickling out, but he wiped furiously at them to keep his attention on Sirius.

"Yeah," he confirmed at once. "Something to look forward to!"

James agreed at once, saying, "it took me a few days to create it, but it won't take near as long to recreate it. I've been wanting to show Lily anyways, you'll both get a kick out it."

Harry gave a slow nod, taking easier breaths now as he kept this promise tight inside him. Whatever horrid thing had happened in his past to cause this feeling, they were right, he had something he could cling to now as a promise he wouldn't have to relive his memory long.

James waited an extra moment to make sure Harry wasn't going to set himself into a full blown panic attack before gingerly picking the book back up, almost afraid of what else it was going to do to his son if this topic didn't change soon.

Hermione inquired then that he was still trying with his Occlumency?

Harry lied and said he was, but the truth was he was curious about all this and wanted the dreams to keep going.

Harry's whole center shook, he looked very much like he would collapse in a fit in moments. Clearly what he'd been thinking at fifteen, the exact opposite was trying to run through his mind now, and the two together were wreaking havoc inside of him.

James reached over again, grasping his shoulder firmly until he fought back for control, still waving him to go on adamantly for this to just be over with.

The problem was, with less than a month till exams, his mind usually seemed much more focused on stupid dreams.

"First you were complaining about them, now you want them and you're not getting enough of them," Remus tried to get a rise out of Harry instead of watching him tear himself apart for something he couldn't yet understand. "You never can seem to make up your mind eh?"

Harry offered him a flimsy smile that was as weak as the toddler upstairs.

He also suspected the more Hermioneish part of his mind was guilting him into waking up before the journey's end.

"Hermione doesn't seem so bad now she's right," James offered as Harry kept rubbing at his temples.

Sirius gave Remus a sympathetic look as well which Moony easily grasped. It wasn't just him being ignored, Harry wasn't taking advice from anyone about this.

Something new to distract him was the final match of the Quidditch season, Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, which was to take place on the last weekend of May. Although Slytherin had been narrowly defeated by Hufflepuff in their last match,

"Wow, where's my description of that match!" Sirius yelped, grasping at any pleasant conversation, and this was an easy one.

"Nothing too memorable happened," Harry shrugged. "Malfoy actually caught the Snitch, for once, but he took Krum's way out. Hufflepuff was winning on points, Montague hadn't come back yet and the appointed Slytherin was a right idiot, I don't know what they were doing during training but it wasn't practicing."

"As much as they deserve," James cheered, wriggling in pleasure even as he kept a close eye on Harry to make sure he really was trying to put mention of that Department past him.

Gryffindor did not yet dare for a victory, though no one said it to him, because of Ron's goalkeeping ability.

Ron took his own outlook on the morning of, telling them at least he couldn't get any worse.

"There's the bright side," Lily snickered in surprise, while James just looked bemused at this. Better than constantly ragging on himself he supposed.

As Harry and Hermione were shuffling into the crowd, Hermione mentioned she suspected this game might just go better because Fred and George weren't around, they never helped his confidence.

"I can see that," Remus said fairly.

"They mocked him from time to time," Sirius disagreed, "but they were never so bad I think it damaged Ron any more than that horrid song. I don't think they'll make a real difference to him."

"Least Angelina already had their replacements," James grumbled, still wishing it was Harry on that pitch rather than Ginny, he was sick of reading side line events, he wanted to be back in the air!

Luna Lovegood overtook them with what appeared to be a live eagle perched on top of her head.

The boys burst out in surprised laughter Luna had indeed gone further with that idea!

It was as Harry watched this though, not at all mean spirited but that recent memory still with him, that the expression they'd first carried upon hearing of her finally clicked as he turned sharply to them. "Would you lot have done all that to Luna?"

James' automatic response wanted to be no, but he still considered the question for a moment before saying slowly, "ah, well, we certainly would have liked to have words with her, she's a fascinating thing."

"You would have mocked her?" Harry outright demanded with a raised brow.

Sirius blew a chunk of hair out of his face, but didn't deny, "guess it depends on how well we bothered to get to know her. We thought Remus was a right odd ball before we had a proper chat with him."

Harry saw they were still avoiding the question, as he'd honestly noticed outside their little group they didn't seem to 'converse' with much of anyone unless it was for a motive. Still though, he was just as fascinated they looked a touch ashamed even as they side stepped this. He hadn't realized his disapproval really meant so much to them.

Then the teams assembled on the edge of the field, and Hermione said her surprise she'd forgotten Cho would be playing. Harry grunted in response, he had not.

"Ex crush versus ex fan girl!" Sirius said loudly, very clearly trying not to let Harry linger on that last subject.

"Sadly I think Cho's got the better edge, she's played more games, actually wants this position," James eagerly put in.

"I wouldn't underestimate Ginny, we don't know how long Cho's been flying outside her house team, but we know Ginny's been doing it since single digits, she may well have the advantage," Remus offered insight.

Harry decided to let the Luna matter go, they'd yet to actually be doing anything wrong to her and there was no sense yelling at them for something they hadn't done wrong yet to one of his friends.

Across from them in the stands, the Slytherins were all filing in, and Harry hoped desperately they wouldn't have anymore chances to sing Weasley Is our King.

"I wasn't aware they needed an excuse, they just continued doing it because they're arse holes," Lily grumbled.

Lee Jordan, who had been very dispirited since Fred and George had left,

"That was it," Remus huffed for forgetting.

"Guess I can't blame him for not being in the mood to prank others when his mates up and did that," Sirius sighed.

was commentating as usual. As the teams zoomed out on to the pitch he named the players with something less than his usual gusto.

"I can just imagine McGonagall feeling sorry for the poor kid," James frowned sadly.

Harry watched Cho chat with Davies as the teams matched up, prepared to shake hands, and Harry found he only had a slight twinge of jealous as the two Ravenclaws smiled at each other before the captains shook hands.

"Guess that crush wasn't as gone as we thought," James looked to Harry in surprise, who only shrugged, he really didn't have much of a memory for this game, especially not Cho, though he wasn't exactly sure why. Surely even if he wasn't playing in it, he'd have a care? Maybe Ron really hadn't done any better and he'd tried to block the whole thing out, but that wasn't the right kind of disconnected feeling...

Lee began as usual, saying who had the Quaffle in what position, and Davies was already heading for Gryffindors goals, Gryffindor had a chance at making it, and- Lee swore.

"Least he hasn't lost all of his enthusiasm," Remus chuckled.

Ravenclaw had scored, and the Slytherins at once took up the chance with their song.

Harry and Hermione were distracted from what happened next by Hagrid sidling up to them, trying to remain crouched as if wanting to be out of sight, but even doubled over he was four feet taller than those next to him.

"Why's he trying to hide at all?" Lily asked in surprise. "He's been known to come to a few matches."

"Don't look at us," Remus shrugged even as he looked eagerly at James for this explanation that he had his fingers crossed in hope for.

He asked if they'd come with him, now, while everyone was watching the game.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," James gaped down at this, "but I'd actually go with him."

"If there's one thing to drag away a good Quidditch match," Sirius agreed, though finished rather threateningly, "but Hagrid had better finally be showing you what he's been up to, if it's for anything less, I'll find a way to curse that man through his skin for cutting this off."

Harry merely hummed in agreement.

Hagrid's nose was gently dripping blood. His eyes were both blackened. Harry had not seen him this close-up since his return to the school; he looked utterly woebegone.

Lily crooned loudly for the poor dear, all of them feeling a pain deep inside for what Hagrid was putting himself through. He must have a really good answer for this one!

Harry agreed without any thought.

Harry felt absolutely no regret for this decision, even as his face tightened just a bit, his innards promising this wasn't going to be a pleasant stroll.

The three got themselves out of the stands, Hagrid saying how much he appreciated them, and hoped she didn't see them leaving.

"Only one she I can think of," Lily spat, "and sadly she might have."

"She can't stop them from going off with Hagrid," Remus miserably tried to argue, already feeling it pointless.

Harry said Umbridge was surrounded by her Inquisitorial Squad like she was expecting trouble, there was a good chance she hadn't noticed them.

"Guess she understands less than I thought, which is saying something. No one would try a prank during a Quidditch game," Sirius heavily rolled his eyes.

Hagrid said that may be good for them, give them more time, as he started heading towards the Forest.

Lily began playing with a strand of hair with nerves. She knew Hagrid wasn't purposefully leading Harry to anything dangerous, but this was certainly not a pleasant beginning in her opinion, and it was nice to see the others faces showed agreement even as well used to the Forest as they were.

Hermione asked what they were doing as they went across the lawn, but in favor of answering Hagrid heard a roar go up from the crowd behind them and asked if someone else had scored.

Harry said it would be Ravenclaw again.

Harry winced heavily and they all felt the same, maybe leaving had been a good idea anyways, that wasn't fun to think about.

Hagrid was so distracted, he said this was a good thing.

"Now I know he's not thinking right," Sirius grumped.

Hermione tried to turn into Hagrid's cabin when they passed it, but Hagrid kept walking right to the edge of the trees where his crossbow was waiting.

"He must have just come back from whatever he was training," Remus realized.

"Think he thinks he's finally got it domesticated and wants to show off?" James asked, that didn't feel important enough to be dragged away from Quidditch, but then, Hagrid had different priorities.

"I still think there's something more than that going on," Lily sighed. "It's very clear Hagrid cares deeply for something new going on, just training a new best can't really mean more than his job?" She phrased it as a question though, none of them were quite sure of Hagrid's comments from before.

Harry asked why he needed that, he hadn't taken it with him when they'd seen the Thestrals.

"This new thing of his is less and less encouraging," Sirius agreed.

Hagrid said they hadn't been going in as deep, and that was before Firenze left the Forest.

"Why's that change anything?" Remus asked in surprise.

Hermione asked why that made a difference.

"Thank you Sirius!" Remus said quickly and with such a mocking gratitude you could almost believe it. "Really, just thank you so much for sharing that, I hadn't a clue I'd done it!"

"Alright, no need to get snippy," Sirius smirked.

Hagrid said the other centaurs were now very riled up. It used to be he could go wherever he liked in this Forest, they were always friendly, but not anymore.

"What's that got to do with Hagrid though?" James ruffled up his brow.

"Familiar loyalty," Sirius nodded to himself as he explained aloud. "The centaurs know Hagrid's trust in Dumbledore, they'll blame anyone associated with him right now for what he asked a Centaur to do."

"But it was Firenze's decision," Harry protested. "Why be mad at us?"

"For offering it," Remus sighed.

Harry felt a deep chill web around his mind, promising he had no want to deal with an angry centaur.

Angry didn't cover it, they were livid with Dumbledore and Firenze, probably would have kicked their fellow centaur to death if Hagrid hadn't stepped in, he'd had half the herd on him.

They all gave sympathetic noises for that, Harry even saw some traces of fear in them at the same time. He could hardly imagine the scene himself, but just the thought was giving him the creeps, it probably was terrifying thinking about all this in detail when he wasn't so distracted wondering why he may have seen it in person.

Harry was amazed Hagrid had stopped all that, and Hagrid said he certainly couldn't have just stood by. Then he added more menacingly he'd have thought Firenze would remember that before sending stupid warnings.

"I'm worried he was trying to return a favor," Lily muttered, still considering Hagrid's injuries. They weren't yet deadly, but if he kept at it, they may keep progressing.

Hermione asked if that's what Hagrid wanted their help with, the centaurs?

"Oh he'd never ask for your help with that," Remus said at once.

"And those injuries started up well before this," Lily agreed.

Hagrid simply said no, and kept plunging deeper into the shadows. Harry wasn't too worried, he'd been in the Forest a few times and followed Hagrid willingly, until he stepped off the path. Remembering vividly what had happened in his past when he did this, he tried to ask where they were going, but Hagrid didn't answer as he plunged into the more wild parts of the woods. Harry and Hermione had a hard time following, often getting caught in thickets and brambles while Hagrid walked right through them.

"I'm surprised he hasn't created a new path, as often as he seems to have headed to this thing," James said, his eyes still narrowed suspiciously to what Hagrid had added to a Forest he knew so well.

After several miles of heavy silence where even the snapping of a twig felt ominous, it occurred to him that he had never managed to get this far into the Forest without meeting some kind of creature.

The tense unease kept growing in here, like the book was pressing that darkness out and shadowing the whole room with its eerie vibe. Harry had yet had a very pleasant experience in this Forest in any sense, and even with Hagrid inviting them into this one, they could already feel it wasn't going to turn out much better.

When Hagrid came to an abrupt halt, Harry walked right into him and fell back into a thorny bush Hermione had to dig him out of.

Hagrid apologized and decided to explain back here before they got to the spot, and began by saying there was a good chance he'd be getting the sack any day.

"He did not bring them all the way out there to say that," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"No," Remus agreed, "but we know he finds this more important than that, so at least we're finally getting that answer."

Hermione said he'd done well so far, what changed?

Hagrid said Umbridge thought he'd put that Niffler in her office.

"That's ridiculous," Remus scoffed at once, it was akin to him doing that, and he'd never put anything in her vicinity if he could help it.

"And when has she ever done anything remotely reasonable," Sirius' face was scrunched up for the ludicrousness of it even as he agreed.

Harry asked if it was before he'd thought about it.

"Harry," James said in exasperation, his son should know full well Hagrid would never use a creature for such a purpose.

"I know," Harry agreed with his idiotics. "Reflex question." This lot knew all about that.

Hagrid said no, but that hadn't convinced Umbridge, who associated any problems with creatures on him. He'd honestly leave now so that he wouldn't have to suffer in public like Trelawney had.

James didn't have to think about that one at all as he nodded in agreement, he could respect that.

He'd be useful to the Order out there helping Dumbledore.

"Hagrid knows where Dumbledore is?" That one caught Remus by surprise.

"I wouldn't be surprised if the Order actually does," Lily shrugged, "even if we're not sure now."

They had Grubbly-Plank to get them through their exams, his voice wobbled there and broke.

Lily felt a heartbreaking sigh pour out of her, she didn't want Hagrid to ever feel unneeded! She wanted him in her son's life just for being such a good man, no matter how he was in a class!

The problem was, he couldn't just leave without telling anyone, and he needed their help, and Ron's if he was willing.

Harry agreed at once asking what he needed them to do?

"You have such a big heart," Lily told her son, starting to feel a little teary eyed herself for what Hagrid was going through.

Harry had no response for that, he'd do anything to help his friend.

Hagrid thanked them tearfully, and led them the rest of the way.

"I thought he said he was going to explain!" Sirius said, the suspense was about to kill him. "He just stopped to tell them what was going on!"

"That's the same thing," Remus told him just to keep James paused for an extra second.

Sirius scowled at him, while James decided to ignore them anyways.

They reached a small clearing where a great mound was in front of them like a den, and all around were trees ripped up by the roots. Hagrid breathed sleeping, and Harry heard it too, a great set of lungs at work. He looked sideways at Hermione, who looked terrified.

"I don't blame her," Remus muttered, his mind flipping through all sorts of things that lived inside mounds, though as this could be something undiscovered even any of those may not be possible.

James was more in deep curiosity than anything. Hagrid was there, he had no fear Harry would come to any harm.

She asked who is he?

"Err," Lily began in confusion, sure she'd heard wrong.

Then she kept going, her voice shaking why he was here, Hagrid had said none wanted to come!

"What's, Hermione, on, about?" Sirius said slowly, he couldn't put together such a declaration with just an animal...

Harry looked to Hagrid, Hermione, and then realization struck as he looked back at the mounded earth, which in fact was moving in time with the deep breaths. It was a curved back.

"A giant!" Remus interrupted with a near shriek. "He actually brought a giant into that forest!"

James' voice had failed him, his mouth left hanging open so he couldn't have kept going even when the book had broken off. This truly was a new level of unbelievable.

"Has he lost his mind!" Sirius was so blown away by this one he wouldn't even deny the squeak in his voice. "A giant! A real, bloody, giant!"

Harry felt just as numb as the others from shock, but it was his fumbling fingers that snagged the book away to try and force this to keep going.

Hagrid agreed he hadn't exactly wanted to, but Hagrid had to bring him.

"It's his family," Lily whispered, her eyes still too wide from shock, but a flash of understanding lit them nonetheless.

"When he was at the Three Broomsticks," James recalled breathlessly.

"Oh Hagrid," Remus groaned in sudden understanding, genuine sympathy now for the man even if he couldn't find the air to really say it.

Sirius wasn't quite there yet, he was still putting his mind into the thought someday he'd walk into his Forest and a giant would be there!

Hermione demanded why!

Hagrid insisted that if he just spent a little time around here, taught him some manners, he could show everyone how harmless he was.

"Harmless!" Lily said near hysterics. "He's been beating the shit out of him for months!"

"Hasn't killed him yet though," Sirius couldn't help but point out as this started to fully form in his mind.

"Was that supposed to make me feel better?" Lily demanded, her voice wasn't lowering in volume and starting to hurt their ears.

Hermione accused this was why he was always injured. Hagrid defended he didn't know his own strength.

"That I'd actually believe," Remus said slowly, some form of acceptance starting to set in as he really thought past the shock.

Hermione still couldn't believe this was why he'd taken two extra months to get home!

"Yeah, I'd say lugging a giant behind you could slow you down!" Lily's voice was still extremely high pitched, but at least she was making an attempt to lower it now.

Hermione demanded why he had, he'd have been happier with his own kind!

Hagrid insisted he'd been picked on while there for being so small.

"Small." James repeated the word slowly, shaking his head back and forth as he was stuck in the same vision as Sirius, their forays into the Forest suddenly being interrupted by a giant crashing through a nearby tree, no one wanted to know how Moony would have reacted to that. Yet thankfully Harry reading was putting a good distance from that image, and James got the book back from Harry without fuss.

Hermione repeated small in near hysterics.

"I suppose, by that description, he's either not fully grown, or a runt," Remus nodded.

"Try telling him that," Harry muttered, his mind still boggled at such a huge movement as his breathing.

Hagrid pleaded with them to understand, near tears as he told that was his brother.

"That, is a relation, that makes sense," Lily grudgingly agreed, finally her voice only just a touch more off than usual, but sympathy for Hagrid's situation was finally pushing past the shock. It was the same as always, she trusted Hagrid. If he said his brother hadn't meant to hurt anyone, then she'd just have to believe he wasn't going to turn on her son the moment he awoke.

Well, half-brother, he amended. His mum had another child when she'd left his dad, Grawp here.

"Grawp?" Harry repeated curiously.

"Never claimed giants had our kind of names," Sirius shrugged, his brow still set deep in thought, but now he was almost back to normal and could appreciate Hagrid's position at least.

Harry wasn't sure he'd heard that right, and Hagrid said that's what he thought was being said when asked for a name. He didn't know much English, though Hagrid had been teaching him. His mother had abandoned Grawp as well for being so small, so he was all alone, he was only sixteen feet.

"Poor Hagrid," Lily went new, her voice now coming out in a whisper as now she felt like Hagrid needed a hug, after she popped him over the head for giving her heart failure.

Hermione's voice was still in shrieking shock as she said how miniscule that was!

"Who knew Hermione turned sarcastic during these times," Sirius muttered, he couldn't get a joke to his mind yet.

Hagrid insisted he was being kicked around by the others.

Harry asked what Maxime had thought of this, and Hagrid said she'd realized how important this was to him, but got tired of fighting to get him back, so she'd just promised not to tell anyone.

"Good woman, that," James sighed, knowing he'd probably have done the exact same as Maxime, he wouldn't pretend he'd try to handle a giant, even a...small one.

Harry asked how he'd even gotten back here. Hagrid explained they could only travel by night and very out of the way, Grawp could cover quite a bit of distance when he wanted to, the problem was he didn't, kept wanting to go back.

Harry gave a pitiful sigh, he didn't need to ask. He'd been kicked around plenty in his youth but had always returned home because he'd always known he had nowhere else to go. Hagrid seemed to have a gift for taking wayward souls away.

Hermione buried her face in her fingers as she asked why Hagrid hadn't just let him, what was he going to do with a violent giant?

Hagrid defended violent was too strong, he took a swing now and again when he was in a mood, but he was getting better.

Harry asked what the ropes were for then?

"Well if he was wanting to go back, I suppose I can see Hagrid stopping him leaving when he wasn't around," Sirius frowned heavily.

As Harry's eyes had adjusted and made out more detail, he found ropes binding the giants ankles and around his waist.

Hagrid repeated he didn't know his own strength, and Harry now understood why there were no other creatures in the area.

"Oh yeah, I can see that," James finally nodded at something that made sense to him in his forest.

Hermione circled back to asking what Hagrid wanted them to do?

"Almost forgot about that," Remus shivered, he didn't like the idea of Harry around...Grawp with Hagrid around, now Hagrid was asking them to keep looking after a hateful giant after Hagrid was gone! How was this worse than the Skrewts?

Hagrid just said he needed looking after, while Harry and Hermione exchanged an uncomfortable look, well aware they'd already promised Hagrid they would.

"I feel as if at some point there's a line, and he crossed it," Lily said miserably, as she wouldn't feel right backing out of this either even with the circumstances. "A bruised rib to Hagrid could knock your skeleton right out of you! I'm sorry Harry, but I'm worried this one's above you!"

Harry certainly wasn't going to argue the point.

Harry did not argue the point, and they were just as relieved as they were upset for Hagrid Harry didn't seem gung ho to keep this particular promise.

Hermione asked for details, and Hagrid said nothing too big. He got his own food, birds or deer that traveled through,

James looked vaguely offended, even if he knew it to be true. It just wasn't helping his mind's eye as he kept imagining trying to run away from this thing.

Hagrid really just wanted them to come out here and talk to him, help teach him along in talking.

Harry said nothing as he kept eying Grawp, picking out details. Now he saw that his feet were the size of sleds and bare, his clothes seemed roughly stitched together. His head was like a boulder sitting right atop his shoulders with his ears sitting more on the area where his neck should be.

Remus couldn't deny a touch of fascination in him at Harry's description. He'd only heard general depictions of them as well, and though he still had no want to meet one in person, Harry's were always more vivid than usual texts.

Harry hollowly repeated Hagrid's want for them to teach him English. He now understood what Firenze's warning had meant.

"I almost wish I didn't," Sirius grumbled, in this case ignorance had been bliss.

He could just imagine the other creatures of this Forest hearing Hagrid's vain attempts to teach Grawp English.

Hagrid agreed cheerfully, even if they just came out here to chat with him, keep him around people.

Harry looked to Hermione and said it made him wish for Norbert back.

Sirius blanched for a moment, but after considering he told, "no, actually this is still marginally better. I'll take whatever form of intelligence this thing posses over that beast."

"Wow," Harry said towards him, as of now he'd still rather have it the other way.

Hagrid misunderstood, confirming that they'd do it?

"He really didn't get that was supposed to be a bad thing?" James muttered, that concept seemed lost on Hagrid quite a bit.

Harry uneasily said they'd try-

Hagrid beamed at him, saying he'd known he could count on him!

Even as Lily shook her head in exasperation for Hagrid, she was smiling just a bit as well now. She couldn't deny some part of her was happy for Hagrid finally having a bit of family back to him.

He insisted it wouldn't be much, just nip out here once a week, then he decided to introduce them.

Hermione said that wasn't necessary!

"Well yes it is," Remus corrected. "Much safer to be first seen with Hagrid, at least he knows him."

"And considers him his kidnapper," James reminded hollowly. "So I'm really torn here."

Harry still didn't want to say what was really on his mind, he didn't really have a want to see Grawp again with or without Hagrid.

Hagrid ignored them, picked up a long sturdy branch, and jabbed Grawp in the back with it.

"He just poked a giant!" James said faintly, unable to believe what he'd just said and stuck on that one for several moments before Harry gave him a commiserating pat on the shoulder that was probably supposed to be reassuring.

Grawp woke with an ear splitting roar that shook birds from trees. He got onto his knees to turn around and see who was here, and Hagrid greeted him as Grawpy, telling he'd brought company.

Harry and Hermione backpedaled as far as they could while keeping him in sight, as his face leaned in like a dull grey full moon.

All three Marauders blanched in shock at the description they weren't taking kindly too.

His features seemed misshapen, the nose of no real design, the hair looking more like moss even a dark brown, and his pupils were rather tiny and currently still cummed with sleep. He took to his feet with surprising agility and turned away.

"Don't ever underestimate speed for size," Remus agreed, James wanting to smack him for starting to sound more interested than resigned like the rest of them.

He went over to the nearest tree and plucked a birds nest up out of the higher branches, turning it upside down and pelting them with eggs like grenades below.

"I can see how riveted he was by the company," James said deadpan.

"Be pleased while it lasts," Lily grumbled, at least finding some small comfort Grawp hadn't at once started trying to take Hagrid's limb off.

Hagrid tried to keep his attention, yelling to Grawp about that trip he'd be going on, and these were his new friends who'd be coming to visit him.

"I thought he couldn't understand English quite yet," Sirius shifted uneasily.

"I can see why Hagrid does it though," Remus shrugged, "that's one of the ways you learn other languages, hearing them as well as practicing to speak them."

"Oh, so now it's a good idea," James frowned at him.

"I'm not saying Harry should do it," Remus defended, "I just understand why Hagrid is talking to him."

Grawp took no notice, Harry wasn't even sure if the giant recognized what Hagrid was doing was speech. He'd instead sized the nearest tree and began pulling on the top, the fascination on his face making it clear he did it for the simple pleasure of seeing how far he could go before it would spring back.

"Exactly how old is he?" Lily asked.

"Not sure," Harry muttered, "I only know what Hagrid said."

"He could be older than Hagrid, we don't know which kid came first, though I think Hagrid assumed it was himself." Remus shrugged.

"Either way, I don't see what that has to do with anything," Sirius muttered.

Lily considered this response more to do with the fact Sirius would probably try to do the same thing if he was that size no matter what age.

Hagrid tried to tell him not to, that's how he'd pulled up the last ones, but when the creaking roots could be heard, Hagrid intervened and gave him another jab with the stick.

Grawp looked down with an expression of clear annoyance as Hagrid waved to Harry and Hermione. Grawp only just seemed to realize their presence as he gazed down at them still half hidden behind a tree.

"How good is a giant's eye sight?" Harry asked wearily, he wasn't going to enjoy the experience of one checking out his hairline.

"As good as ours I'd imagine," Remus scratched at his ear. "Perhaps better, as they hunt more naturally than we do."

He introduced Harry first, and tried to do the same for Hermione, but realized her full name may be beyond him, so asked her if he could call her Hermy.

Hermione gave a squeaky agreement.

"I know I would have protested," Sirius sniffed. "If my name was the first four syllable word he'd said, it could be an accomplishment."

Hagrid introduced Hermy to Grawp,

"So does that mean we can start calling her-"

"No," Harry told Sirius flatly before he could even finish.

saying she was going to come out here as well and, Grawp no!

James nearly jumped from his chair in surprise, he hadn't intended to shout that so loud but he'd just been getting back to a place of normalcy in his mind as he adjusted to this situation, now Hagrid was scolding him!

Grawp's hand had shot out of nowhere and tried to seize Hermione, but Harry reacted a moment faster and pulled her back behind the tree as Grawps palm scraped against the bark but seized on air.

Lily gasped, watching Harry's arms tense at his side now like he was prepared to pull her away again.

Hagrid scolded he was being a bad boy, not to grab, while Hermione clung to Harry whimpering.

"Oh, he wouldn't have really hurt her!" Remus tried, and failed to say even as he'd gone a bit white in shock. "He might have just been trying to pick her up, out of curiosity-"

"And look how well that's worked out for Hagrid," Harry shuddered all over.

Then Hagrid let out his own yelp of pain, and Harry poked his head back out to see Grawp had swatted Hagrid away and gone back to his tree.

"Good to know of his attention span I suppose," James tried to say around a squeak, there was just no way he could find some fun in this one.

Hagrid stumped over to them holding his newly broken nose, saying that was enough for one day.

Some color finally started coming back to James' face, Lily was still rubbing at her chest, and the other three were still trying hard not to show they were shaking. A giant. This was a new level, even for Hagrid...

They began walking away, Harry and Hermione still struck dumb. Hagrid actually wanted them to come visit a giant in the Forbidden Forest and pointlessly teach him English?

"Now that's pushing it," Remus couldn't quite push into scolding as he was still shifting his weight in unease. "You heard Hagrid say he had full conversations with them, they can be spoken to as well as a Centaur if you give them half a chance, this one in particular just never seems to have been put into any type of situation like this."

Harry looked at him like he wasn't sure what to say to that. He'd put up with a lot of crazy things for Hagrid, and this one still felt like the worst.

Harry had never understood Hagrid's insistence the most killing things were lovable and harmless, but this was a new one fooling himself Grawp could mix with humans.

"That one is stretching it just a touch," Sirius agreed. "He'd be just fine spending his days in a far off proximity, but not unapproachable, if Hagrid shows we're not all bad." He couldn't quite put the right tone into place, he still wanted to rage at Hagrid for putting a giant into the Forbidden Forest! If the name hadn't been appropriate before, it was now!

Then Hagrid took them both by surprise by drawing his crossbow and fitting an arrow in.

"There's a giant in the forest," Lily enunciated clearly like they already would have forgotten. "I can't imagine something much scarier, and Hagrid hadn't pulled a weapon on him."

Even still, James was back to bouncing his leg with unease. He knew plenty of things Harry could expect in there, and it was good for Hagrid to be on guard, they seemed far enough away from Grawp this was necessary.

They waited in tense silence until a male voice told Hagrid he was no longer welcome here.

"Can the Centaurs do that?" James protested in further outrage, that was somehow even more offensive to him than the giant.

"By our laws, no," Remus said carefully. "The Forest is property of the school, so it's technically Hogwarts land...but the Centaurs may well recognize no such thing. It's rather a conflict that's never had to be brought up in our history, for we've never fought over the space."

"That Forest has been there since Hufflepuff sanctioned it back when the castle was being built," Sirius offered to Harry.

"The stories are unclear though, if the Centaurs were already in the area, or if the Hogwarts Founders created it and they claimed it," James sighed.

Lily was honestly impressed at their history lesson, and so apparently was Harry as he tried to keep focus on this and told them how interesting that was even as he kept looking worriedly at nothing. He didn't like this set up, Grawp not too far off, angry centaurs...

A whole group of centaurs had arrived, including one Harry recognized as Bane. Hagrid wearily greeted the foremost, Magorian, who gave no friendly greeting back, repeating Hagrid was no longer welcome here after he'd helped the traitor Firenze enter servitude.

Hagrid protested this, saying he was doing a favor for Dumbledore!

"There is no point arguing this," James said tensely. Even having Hagrid describe the fight before had made him uneasy, now Harry may well find himself in the middle of it.

"Hagrid won't really start something," Lily tried to say with conviction, "he'll get them out of there, he's been dealing with this for a while now at least."

The centaur said there was no coming back from such disgrace, and Hagrid had lost the friendship of the centaurs by helping him, he was no longer welcome in their forest.

Hagrid shot back he wasn't going to be hearing any of this 'their'. It wasn't their say who came and went here.

Magorian cut in no more than Hagrid's. He'd let him pass today because he was with his young,

"His young," James couldn't help but mutter that a second time, though they'd all long since noticed Hagrid seemed to have as unofficially adopted the kids as much as Molly had.

Bane interrupted they were not his, but students, profiting from the teachings of the traitor Firenze!

"I would not call his vague life's a mystery speech profiting," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Not helping," Remus hissed at him.

Magorian did not waver, they did not hurt the innocent. Hagrid may pass today, but this was his final warning.

Hagrid shouted he wasn't going to let these mules tell him where he could and couldn't go.

They all began itching terribly in fear of this fight. It was probably easier not being there, but they could see both sides in light, and didn't care about either! They just wanted Harry to get out of there!

The centaurs turned to leave anyways, but Hagrid kept shouting after them he wasn't going to let them scare him off. Harry and Hermione put their hands on Hagrid's back to try and force him to move along, but then he glanced down in surprise like he hadn't even felt it.

"Bloody hell," James blinked in surprise. Not that they'd ever tried, but they'd have liked to think Hagrid would have at least registered the two!

He told them to calm down, they wouldn't really do anything, then he took off again as if nothing had happened.

Hermione uneasily kept pace, trying to say to Hagrid that if the centaurs weren't letting people come through, than the three of them wouldn't be much help to Grawp.

Hagrid brushed this off, repeating their own words they wouldn't hurt the innocent. Besides, they shouldn't let those centaurs push them around.

"I see where he's coming from," Sirius said genuinely, he knew he'd have a few things to say if a centaur had ever told them off for being caught in there.

"But while I admire Hagrid for not letting them push him around," James grudgingly agreed, "it wouldn't kill him not to insult them while he's at it!"

"A little avoidance can go a long way," Remus agreed, knowing Hagrid knew this place well enough he should be able to pass by Centaur heavy areas just like they could.

Harry watched all of them with a small smile of pride in place. As if he'd needed further evidence they weren't still fifteen, but here they were actually speaking of avoiding a real life fight.

Harry told Hermione nice try at her disappointment this hadn't made a dent in Hagrid.

They rejoined the daylight to see people pouring out of the stadium laughing and cheering,

James spluttered in surprise, he'd actually forgotten a game was going on!

"Well, I found something to cheer me up next time Ron's goal keeping is mentioned," Sirius groaned. "Teaching ABC's to a giant!"

and Hagrid told them to hurry along into that so they wouldn't be missed, then he went to his cabin. Harry and Hermione trudged back looking distinctly out of place with their numerous tiny cuts and twigs in their hair, but Hermione took no notice of this as she said she couldn't believe him!

"Oh I do," Lily sighed. In Hagrid's...inflated world, she really did see where he was coming from, but did he have to drag Harry into this one?

Harry tried to get her to calm down, but she wouldn't hear it. A giant in the Forest! He wanted them to teach English to it, assuming they could get past the murderous centaurs!

"I think the centaurs scare me more than the giant!" Remus shivered harder than ever to prove his point.

"That didn't make me feel better," Harry told him, a still rather distracted look in place as he had no clue why he agreed with him.

Harry tried to say they didn't have to do anything yet, and Umbridge might not-

Hermione cut him off to say of course she'd get rid of him, and after this who could blame her!

"I can!" They yelped in protest. It was very clear Harry wasn't the only one losing his temper this year if Hermione was going to be saying nonsense like that!

There was a pause in which Harry glared at her, and her eyes filled slowly with tears.

"At least she regretted it," James sighed, letting go of his anger the moment he read that. Hermione did care, she was just scared, they all were at this news.

She admitted she didn't mean that, but the rest of her words were cut off by singing.

Insert Gryffindor version of Weasley is Our King.

James paused with his head cocked to the side in confusion, his wild hair looking more flyaway than ever as he shook it and told them he hadn't read that wrong. Hardly daring to pretend to understand the mix up, he kept going in a slow, forced calm voice.

Hermione began miserably she wished they'd stop gloating, it was already bad enough, but then Harry whispered it wasn't the Slytherin's singing as the edited lyrics continued.

"No, way," Sirius whispered, his eyes now locked on James with nothing else going through his ears.

"They, used the lyrics," Remus spluttered, a grin spreading across his mouth more from surprise than actual pleasure hitting him yet.

James ignored them both, Lily and Harry were still sitting there with their mouths open in shock as he practically shouted the rest.

Hermione whispered no in surprise, Harry shouted yes in excitement, and Ron caught sight of both of them atop many people's shoulders and shouted about their win!

Lily squealed in triumph, clapping and bouncing in place as they all began laughing and cheering loudly. The damn broke, James hardly wanted to finish he was dancing around in so much excitement, but he also couldn't have stopped yelling the words in triumph no matter how hard he tried!

They beamed up at him as he passed. There was a scrum at the door of the castle and Ron's head got rather badly bumped on the lintel,

Sirius laughed so hard he nearly fell out of his seat and banged his own head on the table, and no one stopped to notice that either in their fusing excitement. They didn't have to keep worrying about Grawp right now, this was something so immensely good instead!

They waited until the large cheering crowd had stormed past before turning back to each other, their smiles fading a bit.

Harry said they'd tell him tomorrow.

"You are the best friend ever," Remus assured Harry, or at least tried to over the din. No one would want to be the one to tell all this to Ron in such a glorious moment.

Hermione agreed as they headed up to the party, but both stopped at the door and looked back, wondering if it was their imagination a bunch of birds shooting into the sky far off into the Forest, as if something had just tried to pull up their tree by its roots.

James hardly paid this any mind, the giant wasn't actually hurting anything in the forest yet, but this was wonderful!

"I can't believe you missed that!" Sirius shouted right in Harry's ear, and he hardly even noticed. "You, you actually missed the Quidditch Cup, and they won!"

"I'm sorry, okay," Harry raised his hands in defence even as he couldn't straighten up in his seat from his shoulders shaking too hard. "I know Ron'll make sure I hear every last thing!"

James suddenly didn't want to give the book up to Sirius. This was fantastic! So many bad things had happened this year, but he was actually hoping this was a pattern that was going to keep going, and with his luck Sirius was probably going to get to read about something happening to Umbridge finally. Surely Grawp was the worst thing to happen to Harry the rest of the year.

HPHPHPHP

*This is one of those spells I genuinely question, why? If you just want to transfigure the cup, then you're in the wrong class. If the goal is for the cup to sprout legs to bring you, like a sugar bowl or something, levitate it to you. This...is just so entirely random to be an actual spell being practiced in class!

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #The Life that Never LIved #Marauders #HP #OotP #James Potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #Lily Potter #Harry and James talk #reading the books

3 notes · View notes

courtneystriker · 5 years ago

Text

My Thoughts on the HG Prequel

I just finished reading The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and I got to say, my feelings are mixed. Below I have an entire review for the story which included how I felt, the expectations, the biases I had going into the new book, and how I felt after reading. Please note there will be spoilers. Also this review isn’t meant to hurt anyone and if you absolutely love the book so far...good! Enjoy it fully! As an aspiring writer myself and someone who studied in college/loves creative writing I’m well aware that people just have different takes on writing. Glad you are enjoying it :)

Anyways, here it goes…

The Expectations

As the Hunger Games series is one of my favorites of all time, I had a strong bias to like this book. Since it was first announced, without knowing any details, I was extremely excited and optimistic. I re-read the entire Hunger Games series twice beforehand in preparation; once with my fiancé and once on my own. The only thing I really wanted, knowing that it took place during the tenth hunger games, was that the arena reflected how new the hunger games were. Then, when we learned what the series was about, people started voicing some concerns or were disappointed by the plot, instead wanting it to be something like Finnick’s arena, Haymitch’s, Mags’, etc. etc. I was not among this group. However, I understand where they were coming from, because I always thought the idea of the first Quarter Quell (the one where the districts voted for the tributes) was an extremely interesting concept.

Yet I think these things are best left explored in fanfiction as they add nothing to the series and Suzanne Collins did an excellent job just giving us enough information to get the idea. At that point it’d just be a book on details, which could fall short or be a gimmicky, cheap way to keep people reading the series and keep her name relevant. And wasn’t that part of the message in her series, the thing Katniss so heavily criticized that gave a great irony to the books? Who would watch children killing each other for entertainment? Meanwhile, we as the reader are reading these books as a form of entertainment. Plus, Suzanne Collins so skillfully painted the illusion of knowing but not fully knowing their stories that it’s haunting, and I think that is one of the many reasons (along with the battle royale trope being naturally compelling, liking the characters, etc.) that a lot of us are more drawn towards these stories rather than (at least for me) a book on Snow.

That being said, I was not against the idea of a book on Snow because I find villain characters, especially grey ones, to be very interesting to read about, and I was pretty certain Suzanne was going to handle this beautifully, especially since you could already feel this atmosphere coming off of Snow in the Hunger Games series. I know some were really concerned about a Snow redemption arc, but to me it felt very obvious that it couldn’t be and it would be more of him sliding into evil.

I did have other concerns when I read the description for the first time. I could not believe they went with the whole tribute from District Twelve thing again. I loved Katniss and District Twelve, but I did not want Katniss 2.0. I said right from the beginning to my fiancé that she’d have to make the tribute from District Twelve extremely different for me to get on board (though I was holding on faith that Collins would). It just felt cheap and gimmicky to rehash the District Twelve thing, it sort of made me feel the same way I would have if she had written about one of the games I mentioned above. Sure, it’d sell, but it wouldn’t add anything to the series. I was thinking she better not hunt, sing, or have any qualities resembling Katniss really.

Another thing I worried about was the love story they hinted at in the description. It just didn’t make sense to me. Because how was Snow going to ever support the games if from an earlier age he fell in love with a tribute and vowed to protect her? Then later he’s all like pro-hunger games? Just this itself could weaken the entire series if done poorly, because it would weaken the main antagonist’s motives for not only the prequel but also the Hunger Games series as well. I kept thinking either the girl has to die in the arena betraying Snow somehow (which is what I was hoping for), Snow will have to betray her, or perhaps he would have been faking love for her for some sort of personal gain I couldn’t imagine. Either way, I thought it weakened the story's appeal to me. Yet overall I was still excited, desperately waiting for the book’s release.

And now that I have read it, I have to say it felt forced at a lot of parts and lackluster overall…

*Spoilers start here*

My Review:

Suszanne Collins’ writing style is one I’ve always loved and has consistently appealed to me. Even though this book is written in 3rd person (which some may like less if you don’t particularly like third person) it holds up well against the original series. So I really had no complaints in this regard besides the excessive use of songs (felt like fanfiction a bit). I think if you liked the original series and don’t mind third person you’ll feel right at home with her style.

The concerns others had about Snow’s redemption are completely dismissed in this book. Like I had predicted, she writes about his fall into evil, and although it’s not black and white evil (as I don’t like anyways) you can very much tell he’s a bad guy and that the hardships he faced in life only further pushed him towards obtaining status and power. Overall, he feels true to the character when we end up seeing him in the Hunger Games series, and his journey to power fits the images Finnick painted in Mockingjay. He is very well characterized in the book and perfectly unlikable while maintaining an intriguing internal dialogue (although it does occasionally feel tedious, but not enough to bother me; others may feel differently).

The way he is written is very much in line with Collin’s great characterization, one of the reasons I always loved The Hunger Games. All the characters felt like real people. They all had an extreme depth to them and I felt they all resembled people I had actually met in real life. There were little to no characters that relied solely on gimmicky personalities to get by. Even very minor characters that seemed depthless and swallow at first--like Katniss’s prep team--had more to them. So I thought going into this book I had nothing to worry about in that regard. I didn’t even really spare it a thought, but boy was I wrong.

I think Snow and Lucy Grey were the only characters that had (at least partly) the depth that the original Hunger Games cast had. I’ll discuss Lucy Grey later but first let me talk about some side characters. Where to even begin really? There’s a LOT of characters in this book. Frankly, way too many, which I think contributes heavily to the lack of depth in the characters. Honestly there’s so many that the names of characters were hard to keep track of while listening to the audiobook (my hard copy of the book was still in the mail and I didn’t want to wait). Things got a bit clustered in my mind quickly. There were twenty-four tributes, twenty-four mentors, Snow’s family, The Dean and Drs at the university, Snow’s Peacekeeper crew, and the Covey, and those are just the groups that I can cluster together. At least, the ones I remember having names and getting introduced, but I think that’s everyone really important. There was no real time to develop or get to know them really, which made the tributes’ deaths more meaningless as I could barely recall their names. It caused impactful scenes to weaken significantly overall and it made characters serve only to characterize and amplify Snow’s fall into evil.

Here’s what I mean by that. The head Gamemaker, Dr. Gaul, really was the character I hated the most while reading this. She was just evil without reason (one of the weakest villain types with little to no personality besides being evil). She even made creepy rhymes as if she was in some sort of horror movie, and the entire point of her character was to contribute a lot to some of the forced plot points driving Snow’s moral decline. For example, there were all her tests, which seemed contrived and all directly connected to getting Snow to think the Hunger Games was a good idea. She was seemingly supposed to be a Dr. Mengele type character, as this book has a lot of Holocaust-esqe imagery. I’m fine with irredeemably evil villains, but instead of getting the depth that a Dr. Mengele character could offer (as some may know, many children that were part of his experiments actually said he was kind and gave them candy, and I find that deeply haunting to this day.) She is a flat, one-dimensional character whose entire personality could be described with one word: sociopath. Evil people are master manipulators, which is how they get away with evil things. I think at one of the funerals she puts on a good public face, and she seems to have power, money and influence. Yet the book doesn’t show this seemingly present quality nearly enough to make her a haunting character. Instead we get nursery rhythms and clearly driven lessons towards evil at are contrived. Like “Write about what you most liked about the war” or the assignment to improve the hunger games? Like what class is this? Why are they taking it? And why are the young kids of the influential deciding this instead of the influential people themselves?

Another character I feel was just there for Snow’s development and to represent an opposite viewpoint but lacked Collin’s usual depth is Sejanus Plinth. As a District 2 citizen whose family got rich off the war and moved to the Capitol, he is the main opposing viewpoint of the book, presenting Snow with a chance to do the right thing. I’ve seen people say he’s a Peeta-like character, but I completely reject that idea. He lacks in the charm Peeta has, relishes in self-pity (although he’s completely justified in his sadness and has a right to be upset), and while he has a heart like Peeta, he ultimately doesn’t know how to use it. Instead of working within his position to get influence like Peeta so masterfully does, he’s hot-headed and continuously makes poor decisions that ultimately don’t help anyone. It’s like he wants to help but doesn’t know how as he’s driven completely by emotion without reason. He too contributes to some forced scenes, particularly my least favorite in the book; when they sneak into the arena. Overall, he just falls flat for me. Again, I feel I don’t know anything about him beyond what he contributes to Snow’s story line and he doesn’t come across as realistic. It’s like Collins just wrote how someone would normally react to the hunger games, slapped a district number on him and went on her merry way.

I just wasn’t prepared for these sort of characters when the Hunger Games series made even the smallest of characters stand out dramatically. I feel neutral to annoyed by most characters in this novel. I could expand this portion, and maybe if people inquire I’ll elaborate on some of the other characters as I have strong opinions on them, but this post is already getting long, so I’ll move on to Lucy Grey.

Lucy Grey is by far my favorite character even though she is bordering towards being a character from a fanfiction. Not quite a Mary Sue in my opinion but there is a certain connection to fanfiction I made with her. You may have guessed some issues I had with her by reading my expectations earlier in the post, but that has not displaced my love for her. Her personality is very different from Katniss’s, or even Peeta’s or Haymitch’s. She had a different type of charm than all of them, is a natural performer, and seemed more extroverted. Also, the whole idea of the Covey and her “not really” being district was intriguing. It really highlighted the displacement that war can cause and how people can just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. (Although I was confused on how much mobility between the districts there were….and did District Twelve have a fence or no?) It really emphasizes one of the main themes of the book, extreme prejudice against both Capitol and District. Her spot sort of in between really drives home the point that there's literally no difference except extreme poverty, and even then there was poverty in the Capitol, only better hidden. Her bright mood (and clothes), her poised attitude, and her optimism made her endearing. She was confident in her skin yet still held the fear of a sixteen year old going into the hunger games.

There were only two main things that bothered me about her, which was of course the direct connections made to Katniss (which I’ll elaborate on) and the forced “love” story between her and Snow. I suppose that has less to do with her and rather more to do with my dislike of that subplot. And I'm a sucker for some good romantic subplots, but yikes!

I think having one strong connection to Katniss was all that was really needed in this book. I really liked the idea of that connection being the Hanging Tree Song, as I can only imagine how it made Snow feel watching “The Mockingjay” sing it in the propo. Despite me not liking that fact that Lucy Grey is also an enchanting singer as that felt like directly stepping in Katniss’s territory, I did enjoy the little twist of Lucy Grey writing the song. Yet the connections between the two when the plot took us to District Twelve went too far. It felt like it took away all of Katniss’s special places and things. The lake, her katniss roots, her gift towards music, her fondness for the meadow, sneaking into the woods, etc. I think one solid connection would have solidified their bond beautifully. Having so many seemed like it was really trying to force the reader to make the connection when it was already painfully clear I guess? Plus, having Lucy stand out at her reaping ( the whole song part read like a bad, contrived fanfiction bit to me) and having people care about her in the Capitol while moral questions of the hunger games were still surfacing made me start to think...isn’t this how the rebellion for Katniss got started? At least partly. I get it’s a different time. Too close to the war. It just felt way too similar. I guess Collins was going for the idea of a lost rebellion that in a way Lucy Grey started that Katniss later revives. Yet it feels like that invalidates the specialness of what Katniss does in the original series as it’s already happened; it just got erased. I guess history repeats itself, but I really just didn’t like it. I could see the appeal to some extent, and it could be a beautiful connection, but it just wasn’t for me.

Now on to the plot, which is the last thing I’ll talk about as this post is getting ridiculously long. A lot of the plot felt very forced or contrived, which was another shocker coming from Collins because her pacing and plot was done really well in the original series. Of course, a lot of this was driven by Dr. Gaul and Sejanus Plinth as the entire plot hinged on the moral debate of the hunger games these two represent. Other plot points just hinged on what happened to establish the games. I mean the rebel bomb explosion seemingly only happened to change the terrain so Dr. Gaul can then bring up the idea of the different arena and how that made the tributes act differently, thus creating the crazy arenas we see later in the series. I do have some praise for how Collins established the disparities between the earlier hunger games and the ones we see in Katniss day. From the way they lock the tributes up, don’t feed them, the spotty coverage of the arena, etc. All of that was exceptionally well done. The only complaint I have was that so many tributes died before they even got to the arena (though not because I wanted to see them fight). I had been expecting one to escape or something to further establish that this was new territory and was waiting to see how they handled it in earlier times, but I wasn’t expecting that many to die before the arena got started. It just seemed like a huge Capitol failure that they advertised loudly. I really wasn’t expecting that level of incompetence, just an escaped tribute that threatened to embarrass or harm the fragile beginnings of post-war Panem. Instead, most of the pre-arena stuff felt disastrous. A lot of the mentors' deaths felt forced, and it was weird that the academy never really came under fire at all from all the rich and powerful parents whose children were getting killed because of the mentor experiment. Like it seemed there should have been some interaction there, but there wasn’t. Maybe some was passively mentioned but still, it could have been a whole subplot that further established the debate of the hunger games.

While the pre-arena up to the break-in to the arena felt like the most forced part of the book and certainly I felt it needed more workshopping plot wise, it also harbored some great and powerful scenes, like Arachne pulling the sandwich away from the tribute while she was starving and laughing about it. Basically, all those interactions of poverty and captivity meeting the citizens of the Capitol were done well, but nothing spectacular (unlike the scene of Katniss screaming at Buttercup at the end of Mockingjay which is heart wrenching.)

The last plot point I’ll talk about is the “love” story. I wasn’t a fan, but it was sort of what a lot of the plot hinged on and led to the great scene at the lake between Snow and Lucy Grey. How easy it was for him to betray his “love” for status. This led to some of the most interesting and evil internal monologue Snow had in the entire book. I honestly feel the ending scene, the interaction Snow had with the jabberjays and Mockingjays in District Twelve, and the lynching scenes were among the strongest and most memorable.

The love story again felt forced (sorry I’m using that word so much it’s just so accurate) into the story. This hindered the book from having a strong plot in the same way the weaker characters caused forced interactions and plot points to move things along. Yet at the same time the kind of abusive and lackluster nature of their relationship throughout the book fit perfectly with the ending. Unfortunately, it didn’t really make it very compelling for the reader. Luckily Lucy’s personality kept my interested during these parts. I wouldn’t say their relationship was poorly written at all; in fact the way it was written makes perfect sense. I just think the plot relied too heavily on their “love”, which was gross because of the way Snow is, and the reader knew it had to inevitably end in some kind of betrayal or reveal that there was no love at all. This creates tension for the reader, but I kept wondering: if the love plot had been ditched could we have gotten a stronger plot altogether?

So overall, like I’ve said I’m really conflicted. I know I focused heavily on things I didn’t like, but honestly the book was well written in some regards, plot bouncing between really compelling and a little contrived, the two main characters being written well enough but other characters not so much. Some connections between Lucy Grey and Katniss made at the end were powerful, I loved the Covey, Collins still excelled at writing a lot of the social issues/scenes in the book, and honestly the idea of Lucy Grey being completely forgotten in the Districts that hurts my soul a little. Nothing compared to the feelings I got in any of the Hunger Games books but there’s still something there.

I really hope someone made it through this long ass post. The book was entertaining. I mean I listened to all 16 hours of the audiobook in like a day. I can’t wait until my hardcover comes so I can look through it. Maybe once I know what I’m getting into I can enjoy the book a little more than I did, because right now it’s sitting at very average for me. Maybe I went in with my expectations too high? I certainly like the Hunger Games a lot more and probably always will. Honestly, I love new content, but I’m also the type that likes firm, planned endings to stories (even though it hurts to let things end and the fandoms can suffer from lack of content). I think fans can oftentimes get caught up in what they want and pressure the writer into writing more, which ends up a disappointment since it wasn’t originally planned in the series from the beginning. While I don’t think this is by any means the case with Suzanna Collins or that Lionsgate even pressured her to write this book (I don’t like conspiracies of that sort of thing as a writer myself that plans to have a series in which a book comes out many years after the original part of the series is released), I do wonder if this is the end of the Hunger Games for good. I sure hope so, especially if she would be writing about the other victors. I love them too much and really don’t want to feel similarly about their books, and like I said at the beginning, it wouldn’t add to the series just to my guilty pleasure lol.

Hope you all have enjoyed your reading of the book more than I did :) Again sorry if I wrote anything to upset you! Please if you loved this book ENJOY IT! I’m actually kind of jealous if you did. Feels like missing out on something special.

#The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes #suzanne collins #tbosas #lucy grey #coriolanus #Dr. Gaul #Sejanus Plinth #Hunger Game Prequel #Hunger Games #Katniss #Peeta #hunger games series #review #catching fire #mockingjay #books #writing

122 notes · View notes