#we (core fronters) are seeing some of our parts in a different light now

[dreamlandsystem]

over the past few weeks, we made stimboards for all of our parts. they’ve been added to a queue, and will be up over the next few days.

working on this project was an intimate and emotional experience. it required us to think about and try to connect with some parts who are very traumatized, who we don’t interact with often, who are cut off from the rest of us for the most part. it required us to see parts both as they are and as the people they may want to be.

going into this, we didn’t realize the kind of effect putting something like this together would have on us. they may just be stimboards, but i do think creating them for every single part has been a beneficial process. it has brought us closer together as a system, and maybe even helped us understand each other a little better.

these posts have all been tagged “sys.stim” with “halberd crew” in the body of the post, so feel free to filter either of those if you don’t want to see them.

[thisblogwilleatourselves]

in my experience, faking it until you make it is the trick. there's much talk in manifesting about "living in the dream fulfilled, ignoring the 4D" etc; that's all a lot easier with the structure of your own brain where there's nothing else to dispute it.

operate at all times from the base assumption you're already plural and just figuring things out. pick who's fronting, and devote all your energy to thinking and acting as they would in every situation. even if you need to mask for IRL, think of how they'd go about it and what they'd think while doing it. if you think something unrelated, it's passive influence from another headmate, known or unknown. if you feel like one person, you're just blurry. don't deny your denial, either; even the most cis of plurals doubts themselves. just continue in your affirmation. make the game feel good to play, and you'll never want to stop playing it.

if that's what you want, anyway. desire is the only truth of self.

best wishes. 🪞

surprising lack of typing quirk /light hearted (but for some reason very formal? not sure why that's occuring lol)

(sorry for length if its overwhelming! we get carried away talking about plurality)

Thank you! Faking it till we make it is what we've been trying/doing, unfortunately we struggle with a brain that is as skeptically ingrained as the protagonist of a horror film who moves into a clearly haunted mansion claiming ghosts aren't real, when a ghost is posessing them. We are trying to push past it, but its hard to just let go. It feels like how we still get intrusive thoughts about internalized bigotry despite having spent years knowing that its wrong, but it was and still is taught to us. Wish we could throw out the "logical" bits and start anew but we know that's not how it works. Our main difficulties are knowing how to stop it, we guess we just try to avoid thinking about it.

hope you don't mind the questions, these are asked with not an expectation of an answer ^^.

so we already read this whole message and are responding to the part near the end first, if we follow this, seeing ourselves as already plural, in the example of seeing yourself as blurry instead of one person, do plurals see themselves as not one person? Well we mean we know like they know they are plural and have other members, but does that effect each member to identify as multiple people instead of one identity they see as themself (like for example if we see ourself as Z1M at our core, and currently see the person fronting as Z1M, would we still identify with a lack of singularity? That also leads to a contunie querie of is it better to start with the idea we are not just "Z1M" fronting but our headmates as well? (B1Ll, J3RM & 5p0ng3), we think we have a huge roadblock with like stopping seeing ourself as our core, with being an auditorium where we have non sentient "spectators" that don't interact with us, only eachother and watch us, therefor that and also the default narrative around us is singleness is the norm has us in a position of, "i" am Z1M, and the "host", the "core" the "main fronter", we've had this even throughout our whole time spent in system servers. How do we get rid of the idea that we, z1m are the spotlight, the center? Think our difficulties with having spent most of our life also isolated and struggling with the lack of control, we now have difficulties surrendering the idea with the concept of losing our privacy, or our own autonomy. Mostly privacy is a big issue, hell we even get embarrassed around our *spectators* who literally aren't sentient. (and also we are fine keeping the spectators, not turning them into headmates, as they work differently and also we have a dependency on how we function as an auditorium, never gone a single day without having spectators).

Second, if we are, and always have been plural, do we fully go with erasing our previos lack of identity to ourself and others? like "lie" (which we are fine with doing) to others about being truly plural?

Third, Is it ok if you're energy is very low, due to disability of bodymind? if you're horrible at knowing how to think as others, and are just sorta flailing around for anything? Anyway that's all for the questions! Again no pressure to answer, we'll just leave em' out in the open!

Thanks so much for the advice! (mirror anon?)