#ways i can be unobtrusive because i want to make things as good and easy for everybody else as i can because my whole Thing is being polite

[mangoisms]

circle k (back to you)

summary: in which you're just the graveyard shift employee at circle k bombarded by vigilantes.

━ chapter nine: i want to make it right | read chapter eight

━ pairing: tim drake x f!reader

━ word count: 5k

━ warnings: none

━ masterlist

Finally, for one last time, you surface. 

Your senses are muddled, everything feeling hazy as you crack your eyes open. A gross taste lingers in your dry mouth and you try to swallow past it. Stiffness lingers in your belly and when you shift, it sends a piercing ache through you, so you stop moving, letting out a slow breath as you try to get your bearings. 

The throb in your belly lingers even as you still. That, at least, hits you quickly. You were stabbed. Great. And here you thought nearly dying during the earthquake and losing your parents was the last time Gotham would hurt you. Looks like that’s not the case—you get to have your collection of scars just like anyone else. 

The memories of what happened are fuzzy but… still in reach. Before you can focus on that, though…

Reaching up to rub the sleep from your eyes—you go for your left hand first, which tugs at the IV in the back of it, so you switch to your right hand, gingerly dropping your left back into your lap—you take stock of your surroundings.

You’re in a hospital room, of course. The blinds over the window tell you it’s dark outside. The light inside your room are dim, emanating from somewhere behind the bed you’re in, warm yellow unobtrusive to your tired eyes but still allowing you to see your surroundings.

The first thing your eyes catch are the sleeping figures in your room.

In a small cot in the corner is Steph, curled up beneath a blanket, golden hair spread out on the pillow. Her soft snores are easily audible over the mechanical hiss of the various equipment you’re hooked up to. Near her and a little bit closer to you is—

A man, asleep, whom you have never seen in your entire life.

But then, you look again, and you realize… That shock of red hair and tan skin looks awfully familiar. Handsome—not in a way that is attractive to you specifically per se, but an observation you can objectively make quite easily—and… familiar. So, so familiar. 

You keep looking at him, slowly waking up more and more with each minute that passes.

Flash was here. 

You know that. You heard his voice. His and someone else’s. A woman’s. His friend? 

Is this… is this him?

The red hair feels like an easy enough tell but it’s the eyes, you think. It’s the eyes you need. You know Flash’s hair is red. A wild mop of it, windswept and ruffled most of the time—the same here. You know his eyes, too. Grass-green, twinkling with mischief or mirth or both, waiting to spring a joke on you. Visible with the type of cowl he has, one that reveals his hair, eyes, and lower half of his face. One might think it too much but considering that even you hesitate now to make that connection, you can conclude it does enough of a good job. To be fair, thought, the hard part—for you—is consolidating his presence, that he would be here—for you, unmasked and vulnerable. That… that’s something.

But still. Ignoring that, those implications… something inside you, something deep in your bones, is telling you that this is him. This is the Flash unmasked. 

But you won’t know unless he wakes up. So, you move on to your last visitor.

On the other side of the bed, crammed into an uncomfortable-looking chair, is Tim.

Asleep, his head lolls at an angle that makes you grimace. Even in sleep, his eyebrows are furrowed. He’s closer to you, so you can see the circles under his eyes.

You watch him for a while, too, everything starting to come back to you. 

The way he fought off that man. His interaction with Steph as Spoiler. The conversation you heard while asleep—conversations that are still blurry around the edges; the argument between him and Maybe-Flash is the clearest one, just because of the tension, their voices. 

You take a deep breath.

Okay.

Your best friend, Stephanie Brown, is Spoiler.

It explains a lot. Odd disappearances, reoccurring tardiness, odd bruises and cuts, old aches and pains. 

Those incidents weren’t isolated to just her, though.

God.

Of course.

Red Robin started visiting you around the same time Tim started avoiding you. When he kept saying he was too busy to hang out. 

You’d put it together, if you’d continued to encounter both of them. But his avoidance distracted you from looking too closely at Red Robin. And of course, since you weren’t actively seeing him, it was even harder to put it all together. 

You swallow, staring at Tim, hurt piercing your chest. 

You just don’t understand why. 

But in that next moment, you think you might be able to get your answer as he rouses, sighing, straightening his head.

You watch with bated breath as he rubs his eyes, then one hand goes to his neck, rubbing at the crick that no doubt formed from the angle. 

Then he lifts his head and his eyes meet yours.

It’s been so long, you realize. So long since you’ve seen him, face to face. Last night (was it last night? God, you have no idea how long you’ve been out) doesn’t count. Neither does the day before, at the ice cream parlor. 

But here he is. 

Dark hair falling over his forehead, messier than usual, like he’s run his hand through it constantly, circles under his eyes, long, dark lashes fluttering as he blinks at you, lips parting in surprise. 

Finally.

It’s contradicting, the way the sight of him makes you want to pull him close but also makes you ache, reminding you of the hurt, of all that he’s done.

How he lied to you and you can’t find anything that would justify that.

The entire time.

The emotions surge inside you, uncontrollable. 

Your eyes sting, vision blurring with tears, and all you can choke out is, “Why? Why did you lie? Why did you do that?”

Your tears spill over. You’re too caught up to feel embarrassed.  

His face crumples. “I don’t know,” he whispers, voice cracking on the last word. “I just. I don’t know. You were avoiding me and I…”

“Thought it was a good idea to see me as Red Robin?” you ask, voice thick. “How does that make any sense, Tim?”

He opens his mouth, then closes it. Hesitating. 

What, mulling over another lie to feed you?

The thought is acerbic and mean and unfamiliar—a way you’ve never quite felt towards him and that realization hurts, too.

“Tell me the truth.”

He looks away, hands clenched in his lap. The knuckles of his right hand are bruised, red and swollen. 

“It was… it was easier to talk to you that way…”

“What?”

Something cracks inside of you. 

“You’re joking.”

Your head whips to the side. 

Your other visitor, the one who may be Flash but also maybe not, is awake, sitting up, grass-green eyes narrowed in on Tim and oh, yeah, that’s Flash alright. You know his eyes, you know his hair, you know his face, and you know the anger sitting in his body, tension tight—you recognize it, from when the two of you talked and he was bothered about everything that’d happened to you.

But even with that, the animosity in him—on your behalf—surprises you. The air in the room thickens with something… odd, fine hairs on your arms standing on-end and you could’ve sworn the light behind you just flickered.

“Flash?” Your voice cracks on the word.

His eyes meet yours, softening considerably. “Hey, kiddo.”

It is him. 

His eyes slide back to Tim and the anger returns. “Tell the truth, Tim. Stop digging yourself deeper.”

“I…” The way he trails off snags your attention again. Still hesitating. No, refusing. But…

“What do you even mean by that?” you ask, voice trembling, looking at Tim. 

He doesn’t look at you, opening and closing his mouth a couple times, eyes darting around anxiously.

Did he…?

Did he figure it out?

It was easier to talk to you that way.

Humiliation bubbles hot in your chest. You squeeze your eyes shut, bringing your hands to your face as more tears spill over.

You can’t do this.  

Tim whispers your name, sounding so pained, so agonized, it tears at you. But what does he have to be hurt about?

“J-Just get out.”

Silence.

“What?” he croaks.

“Just get out!” Your voice raises. In the corner, Steph jerks awake. You ignore her, you ignore Flash’s arm sliding around you, his quiet murmur to Take it easy, kiddo, you’re gonna hurt yourself.

You look at Tim. He looks back at you. 

“Haven’t you humiliated me enough? If—if you were uncomfortable with my feelings, you should’ve said something! Not—do that! I messed up, too, I know that but—dammit…” you stop, turning away again. 

“That’s not why,” Tim whispers. 

You shake your head, burying your face in Flash’s chest. You don’t want to hear it, you don’t want to hear why he felt it was easier to talk to you as Red Robin, a vigilante you previously had no interactions with, rather than himself. Tim Drake, your best friend for over two years. 

He whispers your name. “I did it… because of my own feelings.”

Your breathing stutters. The room falls so silent, you can hear a dog barking somewhere outside and the familiar sound of a wailing ambulance making its way through the city. 

Slowly, you turn back to him. Flash keeps an arm around you, though, fingers tight in the material of your hospital gown.

The look on Tim’s face is unfamiliar.

Mostly because Tim Drake is not desperate. No. Never. And yet, the way he looks at you…

“I didn’t know how to deal with it,” he continues, talking faster, rambling, as if everything inside him is spilling out in this moment. “I-I didn’t want to mess with our friendship. I was worried that you were avoiding me and Red Robin could reach you when I couldn’t but then you started talking to me again and I kept coming back because with the mask, it was easier. I could do things Tim Drake couldn’t.”

He pauses to suck in a breath. He looks unusually pale, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. But the desperation in his gaze doesn’t change. 

“But then it got out of hand. I was lying to you. But I knew if I tried to come to you, you—you would want an explanation and that’s—that’s fine, that’s what you deserve, but that would mean telling you how I felt and I—”

He chokes on his next words. 

“What?” you ask quietly.

“I didn’t want to lose you,” he breathes, agonized. “I-I can’t. Please don’t—”

He stops again, squeezing his eyes shut with a groan.

After a moment, he composes himself, looking at you again, so earnestly, it makes your throat ache. 

“I’m sorry. For everything. I’m so sorry.”

You swallow at the sharp turn this conversation has taken. 

It still hurts, though.

All of it does.

Even the fact that he—he feels the same as you do… it assuages only a small part of the ache. 

And you…

“Okay.”

He swallows audibly, looking torn between hope and agony. “O-Okay?”

“I need… space. Just… I need space.”

Too raw. Too open. The wound is still bleeding. You need it to scab before you can see him again, before you can talk about what all of this means. 

You need time to forgive him.

And with that…

“I’m sorry, too, though. For what it’s worth.”

His eyes are glossy. He blinks a few times, looking away. “You… have nothing to apologize for.”

“Yes, I do,” you whisper. “We both do. And we did. But I think what we need now is some space. Not—not forever, just…”

“I know,” he whispers. 

The two of you look at each other for a long moment.

You’re still hurt. Aching with it. But another part of you still wants to reach for him. Wants to be held. Wants to hold him. 

His eyes are full of the same pain you’re feeling but also full of an open want, a longing, the kind that makes your heart skip a beat. 

But you can’t.

Neither of you can.

Not right now.

“Just tell me when,” he murmurs. “I’ll wait.”

“Okay,” you whisper.

Your throat tightens painfully, eyes stinging once again with oncoming tears as he slowly, reluctantly, turns to leave. 

It’s so obvious he doesn’t want to and one part of you, a big part of you, doesn’t want him to, either.

But this has to happen. 

Once the door shuts behind him, you start crying again. Flash pulls you into his arms again. Steph is right there, too, sidling up on your other side. 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Flash doesn’t say anything.

He just holds you.

Later, in the morning, after getting a couple more hours of rest and some breakfast, you finally learn Flash’s name.

Well, it’s only after…

“Linda?”

You blink at the familiar sight of your old regular from Keystone City. Linda Park-West. 

She closes the door behind her, dark eyes sliding to Flash, arching a brow.

“Oh, yeah!”

You look at him and he grins at you, a little apologetic. In the corner, nursing a big cup of coffee, Steph snorts a laugh. 

“Sorry, kiddo,” he says, holding out a hand, giving you a wide smile. “Wally West, at your service.”

Oh. 

“You’re married to her?”

Steph bursts out laughing. Linda does, too.

Flash—Wally, you remind yourself; it fits, it really does—doesn’t take offense. He laughs, too.

“I got lucky,” he informs you ruefully.

“We both did,” Linda amends, sending him a look that is so soft, you have to look away. 

Your eyes catch Steph’s. She pretends to gag. You suppress a smile.

“How are you feeling?” Linda asks, taking the seat by your bed. The one Tim was in.

You close that thought out quickly. Thinking too much about it is going to make you cry and you don’t want to do that right now. You need a distraction. Anything, anyone. 

“Not as bad as I thought I would feel,” you admit.

Barring the more emotional side of it, of course.

There is the fact that the nurse had come in not too long ago to give you another dose of pain medication but after sleeping for a little while longer, upon waking up, even without the immediate relief of pain meds, you felt… okay. Not great but not bad, either. It’s a little strange. 

Linda and Wally share a look.

“Well, that’s good—”

A knock on the door cuts her off. She stands, going over to it. 

Someone says something you can’t hear.

“Oh,” she says. “Really?”

More murmurs.

Steph stands, putting her coffee to the side and joining Linda at the door as the two of them accept something. Multiple somethings. Wally stands, too, going over to help them with… four vases of flowers. What?

“Who is that from?” you ask, bewildered.

One is from the Garricks, who Wally and Linda somehow know personally, one is from… the Pied Piper who didn’t sign off with that, but with his real name, Hartley (Wally has to clear up your confusion by informing you of that connection). Then one from your two regulars, those of which Steph also, apparently, knows personally.

“Babs—Barbara—is a friend slash mentor. And Jean-Paul is, uh, friends with her.”

There seems to be more going on with that but you don’t pry. Neither do Wally or Linda.

The last vase doesn’t have a name—not a full one, anyway. It is simply signed off with H. 

“That’s… nice of her,” you murmur. Surprised but not put-off. Especially after what she did for following the confrontation with Batman, taking time out of her patrol to sit with you and talk. 

Wally frowns, a tad suspicious. “Who—?”

“Huntress,” Steph says. “Tim’s close with her.”

This is news to you. But maybe it shouldn’t be, since she and him as Red Robin seemed so familiar. 

It’s thoughtful—all of this. If not a tiny bit confusing, particularly the stuff from the Garricks and Pied Piper—Hartley. 

“I told Jay and Joan what happened,” Wally tells you. “Barely managed to convince them to stay behind.”

“You… know them?”

“It’s a long story.”

“And… Hartley? I mean, he didn’t—he doesn’t—” 

Still struggling to wrap your head around the fact that he gave his identity up just like that. 

“Hartley likes you,” Wally says in the next minute. “Pretty fond of you, actually. We all are.”

“But… but I’m…” 

You don’t know. You.

Just some kid from Gotham. You’re no one special.

You shake your head, evading Wally’s eyebrow raise. “Anyway, what about the Garricks were you talking about?” 

Wally tells you. Just like Linda was his wife and started coming around to Circle K because of him, the Garricks did the same. But it’s not just because of that—Jay Garrick is a Flash. The first of them, actually. 

“Uh,” Steph says, unsure. “Should I still be here?”

“Are you going to snitch?” Wally asks.

“Of course not,” she huffs. “I have a secret of my own, too.”

“Then we’re fine.”

“Right…”

“We aren’t Batman,” he says dryly. “I mean, discretion is key, yes, but you have the bonus of being a vigilante and being her friend. So, it’s fine for you to know this stuff.”

“Oh.” She seems lost on that prospect of trust. “Thank you.”

Wally sighs, looking at her, then at Linda. “I swear, even when he’s not within five miles of me, he’s still pissing me off.”

Oh. 

It all comes back to Batman, it seems.

Linda sits back down, rolling her eyes. “I know. He’s a… real piece of work.”

Steph snorts. “Oh, yeah.”

You look at Linda. “So, then, Linda, can I ask why you’re here? You—I mean, I don’t mind! It’s just… the kids… and I’m sure you have better things to be doing…”

As you say that, you realize that her kids—the twins, Jai and Iris, then baby Wade—are also Wally’s kids. 

God, today is so insane.

Linda gives you an evaluating look. “I wanted to be here.”

“It’s true,” Wally adds. “Threatened to hop onto a plane if I didn’t bring her here.”

She nods proudly when you look at her. Steph muffles a laugh into her fist.

You smile, too, shaking your head.

“And the twins are staying with the Garricks right now,” Wally adds. “So is Wade. They’re alright. Though we might bring Wade over here, depending on how long it takes you to recover.”

You frown. “What do you mean?”

Steph stretches her arms above her head. “And with that… good luck with this one, you two. I’m gonna head downstairs for some breakfast.”

“Bring me back a cookie,” Wally calls.

“No,” she says, then slips out.

You ignore that, looking at Linda, who gazes at you patiently, then at Wally, who grimaces a little.

“What was she talking about?”

Wally looks at Linda and takes a deep breath.

“We’re staying. Just for a little while.”

“Why? What about Keystone? And Central?”

“There’s Jay,” Linda says. “And Flash and Kid Flash. They’ve got it handled.”

Wally nods in agreement.

“Okay… but why?”

He sighs, looking at you. “So, we can stay to help take care of you while you recover.”

It takes a second.

But when it does…

“No.”

He says your name.

You shake your head. “No, no, no, I-I can take care of myself. I can—I mean, Steph—”

“She wanted to, initially,” Linda informs you. “She and her mother. But she has her internship and her mother is a nurse. Wally isn’t currently working—”

“Excuse you. I’m a stay-at-home dad,” he interjects. 

“My apologies. He’s doing that,” Linda says diplomatically, though you can see the amusement twinkling in her eyes. “As for me, I’m working on finishing a book right now. With the kids out, if only for a brief period of time, we’re free.”

“But I can take care of myself, I mean, it’s not—”

“That bad?” Wally asks, cutting in a bit sharply. “You were stabbed. A few inches to the left and it would’ve hit your kidney. You got lucky, kid.”

“And what are you?” you snap. “My dad?”

Silence.

Tears of humiliation burn in your eyes. You squeeze them shut, reaching up to press the heels of your hands into your eyes.

“Sorry,” you whisper. “Sorry.”

“I’m not your dad,” Wally says quietly. “That’s not what we’re trying to do here. We—I—care about you. Let’s just leave it at that.” 

You sniffle, dropping your hands from your eyes. “Okay. I get it. Sorry.”

He sighs. “I know it’s hard. I know you’ve been taking care of yourself on your own for a while. But you don’t have to anymore. Alright? This isn’t—it’s not some kind of moral obligation I’m fulfilling. If you don’t want anything to do with me, because of the whole… superhero thing, that’s fine. But I’m doing this ‘cause I want to.”

“We want to,” Linda amends.

Your next words choke you, lodging in your throat with the honesty of them, the vulnerability.

But you have to say it. Knowing why Wally wants to, just because he cares and nothing else to it… he has to know. He has to know that—

“It’s not like that for me,” you mutter. “The risk, I don’t care about the risk. I don’t care about any of that.”

“It’s okay if you do,” he says gently.

“The trade-off, if I did, is not worth it. I would lose too much and I can’t. I can’t…” 

Not after your parents. Not when you finally have people who want you, who are choosing to be here once again.

Steph. Wally. Linda. Tim. All of them. 

You don’t care about that. 

You know what it’s like to have nothing. And maybe your chances of losing them are higher now, knowing what you know about them, but the chances of them being able to protect themselves are higher, too. Whatever happens to you because of it is a mere afterthought to you. 

So, you would rather have them with the chance of danger than nothing at all.

“Aw, kid,” he mutters, rising from his chair at the same time that you sit up. He wraps his arms around in the next second. He’s warm, so very warm, and smells like sunscreen and coffee. Linda sets a hand on your leg, squeezing gently. 

His heart beats steadily against your ear. You release a shuddery breath.

You can’t ever let this go. 

You can’t.

But the way Wally holds you tell you he isn’t going to let you go, either, and it’s a promise. 

Steph returns with a couple cookies for Wally, and with Crystal in tow. She doesn’t work at this hospital—University Medical—and she wasn’t able to get here until her shift was over. Though she sheds no tears, you can tell she was worried. 

You nervously introduce her to Wally and Linda. They both easily come up with a cover story about knowing you from Keystone. You can tell she thinks it’s all a bit fishy but she doesn’t say anything.

You understand why when Wally and Linda step out to take some calls. 

“So, you found out, huh?” she asks, eyebrow raising, eyes flickering to Steph, who smiles sheepishly.

It takes a second for you to understand.

“Wait, you know?”

She gives you an affronted look. “Of course I know. I’ve known since she was a teen. Didn’t like her doing it back then but she obviously never listened.”

“I listened!” she protests.

Crystal gives her a look.

She chuckles nervously and amends, “I listened a little.”

“A little,” Crystal says dryly. “Then you were right back in it again. No matter. Can’t change it, especially since she’s over eighteen and well, she’s got some good people looking out for her.”

Your eyes shoot to Steph’s. Does she know…?

A subtle shake of the head. Ah. Well, you suppose Steph doesn’t need to give away identities to assure her mother she is okay. Hanging with the likes of the Bats and the Batman himself, it gives an undeniable kind of credibility. 

“Yeah,” you say. “Guess she does.”

Crystal’s eyes catch the flowers. “That’s sweet. Who are those from?”

“Old friends from Keystone. Wally and Linda kinda spread the word among the regulars. Old regulars, I mean.”

“Nice of them.” A cursory look around the room. A frown. “Has Tim visited?”

Your heart squeezes painfully, your breathing stuttering.

“He did,” Steph says quickly. “Earlier, this morning. He had to fly out of the city, though, for some WE stuff in California.”

“He couldn’t have cancelled?” she asks, peeved. 

“It’s okay,” you say, clearing your throat. “It was a really important meeting, I think. He said he would, um, call and stuff.”

She huffs. “Well, the least he could do is send some flowers, too.”

“You know Timothy, Mom. Not that great with the ladies or gentlemen.”

You laugh, surprising yourself. Steph beams. 

Crystal smiles, too, shaking her head. “I suppose so.” 

She and Steph stay for a little while longer before they have to leave. Crystal to go home and rest and Steph for work. 

“Tell me what the doctor says,” she says to you. “And let me know if you need anything. And I mean anything. My supervisor can suck it.”

“No, Steph, she cannot. You need this work.”

She pouts. “I guess.”

“Don’t fret,” you say dryly. “You aren’t the only hero coddling me.”

“True!” She leans forward to hug you and you go easily.

She presses her nose to your hair, sighing. “I’m glad you’re okay, you know that, right?”

“I know, Stephie.”

“And…” she pulls away to look at you, guilt in her blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I was… indrectly lying to you, too. I knew what Tim was doing and I never—”

“Hey,” you say softly, cutting her off. “It’s okay. I mean I… yeah, I would’ve liked to know, just ‘cause we’ve been friends for so long…”

“I was going to tell you,” she confesses. “In June, actually, but then Tim started acting like an idiot and it just got so…”

You crack a smile. “Complicated?”

“Complicated,” she agrees, smiling, too. “But still. I’m sorry.”

“I know. Thank you.”

She kisses your head. “Get some rest. I’ll swing by later, if you aren’t already discharged.”

“Okay.”

She steps out and Wally and Linda both step back in. 

Seems like they both went downstairs to the cafeteria. The former has another handful of cookies in hand.

“Want one?” he asks around a mouthful.

“It’s nine in the morning.”

“So?”

“I’d take it,” Linda says. “It’s a rare privilege for him to share food.”

“I share food with you,” he protests. “And the kids. And Hartley and Dick and—”

“Yes,” she says dryly. “That’s the point. Only with people you love.”

“Oh.” He looks at you. “That’s true.”

“I’ll take the cookie,” you quickly say, if only not to think about what that means.

He gives you the cookie.

You’re unwrapping it when your doctor pops in. Dr. Scott is a kind, if not harried, woman. Working at a Gotham hospital does that to you, you suppose. She tells you the scans they did came out fine, showing not too much internal damage, nothing you can’t come back from and that they weren’t able to fix, and that they gave you a booster against potential infection from the knife. She says you’ll be discharged at the end of the day, too.

That’s a relief, though you’re still not looking forward to the hospital bill.

When you mention that, they both tell you it’s being taken care of.

“Wait a second—”

“Not us,” Linda says. “We did offer but Tim said he would take care of it. It’s not quite better, we feel, since there are… others who might owe you that much—”

“No kidding,” Wally mutters.

“But he insisted,” she finishes.

“No,” you say. “No way, that’s—that’s too much—”

“You can’t afford it, though,” Wally points out a bit ruthlessly. “Just let the kid do it. He’s got the money for it.”

“But—”

“You can bring it up with him,” Linda cuts in. “But for now, it’s taken care of.”

Maybe you shouldn’t be surprised. Tim… isn’t exactly ostentatious about the money he comes from. Not in the way some of other rich boys of the city can be. But he does things like this sometimes. Back during your internship with Quickstart Enterprises, he flew both himself and Steph out for Thanksgiving break. Not to celebrate the accursed holiday, no way, but because you had the time off, time they would gladly monopolize to help you relax some and finally enjoy yourself.

In that time, he got all of you a room at the Four Seasons in Central, saying, for one, the three of them couldn’t fit into your tiny studio. You pointed out they could just stay at a hotel nearby. But they both wanted all of you to be together. And of course, you couldn’t just go for the nearest Holiday Inn, it was the freakin’ Four Seasons. 

Obviously, you don’t begrudge him for it. It was fun and it was nice sleeping on a proper mattress with thousand-count sheets and having them within reach. 

He just… he does things like that. You had to take a summer class last year, after failing it the semester before, but your degree plan didn’t allow for any re-takes, not unless you wanted to throw your schedule way off course. He paid for it. 

Steph understands your wariness about it. Crystal doesn’t make loads of money on a nurse’s salary. 

It’s hard, she once said to you, because it feels like you’re being judged, right? For not having the means to do it yourself? But really, for Tim, that doesn’t even cross his mind. He just… he takes care of his friends. It’s really as simple as that. I know it’s still hard, though, so… handle it how you see fit.

Handling it, for you, meant paying for snacks and tickets every time the two of you went to the movies. He let you, understanding why. Not without reiterating that you didn’t have to pay him back, that he did it to help you, because you’re friends, but still. 

Back then, even with that, things were so much simpler.

You sigh, leaning back against the bed, heeding Wally’s advice to take a nap.

Things won’t be like that ever again but… you hope you can achieve some semblance of it. 

With time, you think you can.

reblogs are appreciated!

taglist: @peachesona @knoxx-seresinbradshaw @kikis-writing-service @sweetistic @soundsfunbutno @ginevraxrogers @fridaenpina @skcj24 @bath1lda @omfg-its-tay @laughydaphne @fhrjrirj @iamthesimpmother @alittlelateforstars @thaliadoesthings @scarlett13 @zelabee @coffee-love-alltheabove @benstormy @sad-girl09 @lockofspades @thereallchristine @thatonecroc @1lellykins @jelsafan0 @hearttjason @kno-way-home @moniverse05 @bat-h-tic @ghostindeath @escapism-r-us @plnkbees @gabrielle-tia @a-candle-maker

[ask to be tagged! either here or my inbox <3]

[glatisant-questing]

Sannan's Short Story from the Manyo no Shou Limited Edition Booklet

The 15th anniversary is drawing near and I'm really interested in the sake set that they are releasing this year lol

... and Sannan's story is cozy and warm!

This short story was written by 長野 和泉

(I can’t seem to concentrate today…) 

I let out a small sigh and put down my pen.

It was good that we moved to Nishi Honganji, where I could hide from the Ito faction’s soldiers…

 (So that I can devote myself to my research whole-heartedly…But I should be able to make more progress, though. It doesn’t seem to go as well as I want it to.)

As I was thinking about these things, I looked at the glass bottle on my desk. 

I picked up the bottle and tilted it slightly, and the red liquid within oscillated gently. It was the potion that revived me, a person who should already have been dead as a swordsman because of my arm injury. Before me was a deadly poison that relentlessly erodes the body and mind of the drinker.

(I have to master the way this medicine works as soon as possible, so that I can make some solid progress…) 

That’s what I was thinking when it happened.

 (This is…) 

I felt someone’s presence outside the room, and my attention was turned to that direction.

 Soon after, muffled footsteps drew close and stopped in front of my room. The person seemed to be careful not to make any noise, but it was a futile trick for me, since I have become a fury. 

“Is that you, Yukimura-kun? Are you bringing me the meal today as usual?”

 I called out to the other side of the door, and I sensed the person holding their breath. 

After a brief silence, there was an answer from her. 

“Yes. I don’t know if it tastes good to you, though.” 

“Please come in.”

After a moment of hesitation, the door opened. 

“Excuse me.” She said, and then she –– Yukimura Chizuru-kun, carried the serving tray into my room carefully. The fragrance of the miso soup reminded me that I hadn’t eaten anything since I woke up. 

“Thank you for going through all the trouble. I’m sorry that you have to deliver me dinner every night, even though I haven’t contributed much to the Shinsengumi so far.” 

I said jokingly, but Yukimura’s expression changed immediately. 

“That’s not the case… No one in the Shinsengumi, and of course me included, thinks that you haven’t made any contributions!”

I already guessed her response verbatim, and I couldn’t help but smile with some bitterness. 

“…It was just a joke. Don’t take it so seriously, or I’ll be concerned.” 

“J-joke… It was just a joke…?” 

“Yes, did you take it seriously?”

 “Of course. What you said didn’t sound like a joke at all…” 

She said, and then she sighed with relief. 

(Her mind is still so easy to read, and I can understand why Okita-kun likes to tease her with awful jokes.) 

As I thought so, I started to reach for the food on the tray. 

Yukimura-kun stared at me intently.

“…It’s hard for me to enjoy my meal if you keep looking at me like that.” 

“Ah–sorry! I was just worried if you liked the food or not.” 

“You’re a master chef, so you don’t have to worry. Your skills are well-known among the soldiers, you know.” 

“I hope so…” 

She seemed a little embarrassed by the praise, and smiled shyly.

Then, a small yawn escaped from her mouth. 

“Ah…sorry!” 

“Are you sleepy? It must be because you stayed up so late at night.” 

“No, that’s not the reason why…” 

“Then, are you suggesting that it’s boring to be with me like this?”

“N-no, that’s not the case either! It is just a coincidence that I yawned.” 

She tried to explain to me earnestly, as if she didn’t want me to feel even a little bit uneasy. 

“I understand. If you’re sleepy, why don’t you go back to your room? I’ll leave the tray outside when I’m good.” 

“But, what if someone who doesn’t know the situation finds the tray…” 

“It’ll be fine if I put it somewhere unobtrusive.” 

“But…” 

She didn’t articulate her reasons, but she didn’t seem to want to leave my place either. 

(Alas. She’s still as kind-hearted as always.)

Although I was a bit amazed, I didn’t feel bad about being taken care of like this. 

“…How about taking a nap here for a while? Of course, I’ll wake you up before dawn.” 

I suggested, and Yukimura-kun opened her eyes wide in surprise. 

“Eh… Is that okay?” 

“It’s fine, it’s not much trouble for me.” 

“But, will I hinder your research?” 

“I was thinking of taking a break anyway. Well, if you prefer to go back to your room and have some rest, that would be fine as well.” 

Then, Yukimura-kun looked around hesitantly. 

But, eventually–

“Thank you for your offer. I  will take a nap here for a while.” 

“Please wait for a moment. I’ll get you a pillow and something to cover yourself with.”

 I said that and went to the next room to get a pillow and something to cover over her.

 And when I came back to where Yukimura-kun was––

 “…Oh.”

 She was leaning against the wall, already breathing quietly in her sleep.

 (I was the one who suggested that she take a nap here, but… I didn’t expect her to fall asleep so quickly. She must have been very tired.) 

I felt sorry for waking her up, so I put a light haori over her. Yukimura-kun didn’t show any sign of waking up, and she slept soundly.

(But, she’s either too careless or too oblivious… Yukimura-kun, that time when I drank the ochimizu, I attacked you once. Have you forgotten already?) 

I won’t lose my sanity to the poison of the ochimizu anymore, but still, if I were in her position, I wouldn’t let my guard down like this.

(Well, I guess this is why the other soldiers adore you so much.) 

After looking down at her innocent and baby-like face  for a while, I turned back to my desk and resumed my research.

About half an hour later. 

“…Mm… Huh… What…” 

I felt Yukimura-kun waking up behind me. She seemed to have realized that she had just fallen asleep here.

“U-um, Sannan-san… I’m sorry, how did I fell asleep…!” 

She said, and she picked up the haori, and immediately folded it with care… and then, she left the room with the tray. 

“I-I am truly sorry!”

 She left without waiting for my reply. 

I could imagine her flustered expression even without seeing it, and a smile escaped from my lips. 

I wondered how she would look when she brings me a meal tomorrow night… I felt like I had something to look forward to.

[niccerooniererer]

BTD6 HC LIST FOR HEROES

Sadly not all, as sadly I can't spare enough thoughts for everyone sorry

----------------------------------------------------------

Quincy

Disaster bisexual

Has a thing for gnc reckless idiots (he doesn't realize it)

Scared of thunder

Romcom fan

He's easy to scare, horror gets him easily

Stronger than he looks

Only thing he's smart w is his bow

Particularly oblivious, yet easily notices tension between other people

Insecurity. Basically canon

Tends to push himself w training due to that

Becomes even more stupid when nervous, tries to break tension by doing the dumbest thing he can think of

Cuddly. Loves warm cuddles. Affectionate

Used to be real popular at school (yeah I hc he went to public school)

That's where his insecurities started because people always wanted the best of him

Veeeery sincere

Thrown a certain someone on a MOAB before

----------------------------------------------------------

Etienne

Afraid of heights

Shitty eyes, shitty legs

Cane user

Huge interest in flying, reason he made his drones

Used to be good at hacking

Kind of blunt but not in a rude way

Occasional weird word choices which make him sound a bit weird

Tends to swear in french more

Picky eater, fast food is really not his thing

PDA makes his stomach turn. Most he can handle is unobtrusive tail to tail touch

Probably the most closed off about personal life, very professional

Unexpected friendship with Gwen (not good) she gives him ideas on some really funny things to say, as even with all that professionalism he loves jokes

Snorts at puns which he hates, unless the pun was in french

Occasional gamer

Gay and french ??! Pick a struggle dame !! /Silly

Also hc him to be aro-acespec, this guy has a hard time getting romantic feels

Past with Ben, used to date him when they were working in the same place, separated because life pulled them too far away each other

So bitter when they meet again. But it was hard to say no when in private Ben came to him sobbing, apologizing and trying to save what they had. He gives in, love wins <3

Gets cold easily, hero that gets sick the most

Has a strange amount of love for outdated memes

Since he knows Ben is more up to date, just to spite him, he would print out the oldest memes he can find and hand them to Ben randomly

He would also hand these to others as well, just to see their reactions, it's like his unofficial "research"

----------------------------------------------------------

Gwen

That is a whole lesbian right there

Knows Quincy was into her at some point but doesn't really mind it. They're friends

Talking friends, she's big time besties with August (my oc, you'll hear a lot about him if I let it out of me), being awful hazards together n all, almost getting each other banned from the battlefield for getting so careless

Fire related puns and jokes. Canon basically

Has one of those kiss the cook aprons for when she grills

A bit of an anarchist

Gets REALLY excited about all sorts of destruction, not just fire

Girl that loves breaking rules soooooo much

For this reason she has a weird amount of fascination for natural disasters and the like

Has a competitive mutual gay thing going on with Sauda and Brickell. Hard to tell what the relationship there is between the 3 but it's def queer

Mullet Gwen mullet gwen

Kinda queer that would beat up homophobic bullies for you

She tends to pick fights like that a lot

TEMPER BIG HUGE BIG

Tho the good part because of that is she has a lot of passion

----------------------------------------------------------

Benjamin

Literal streamer. In breaks or chatting streams he plays fnf mods

Has bought a maid outfit before because a charity donation goal being reached (he rocked it)

Has a complicated but tragic relationship with crypto and nfts

That's a functional bisexual right there, mostly functional

Bit of a flirt but only to get what he wants

B…. Boob (sorry)

Always plays a support character in multiplayer games, just like how he is

Vocaloid fan

Has done weird things for really big donations before, he regrets

The kinda guy that actively keeps up with trends and tends to have opinions about them

Due to said opinions he had to do apology videos before but he just never learns

From desk job to secret agency worker who was managing huge amounts of data with programs he built himself

Said work really pulled him away from someone he really really loved

Imagine his surprise when he saw him again. Looking hurt

Can't lie with a straight face, tries anyways

Dry ass eyes from staring at his screen too much

Also carpal tunnel moment. Etienne sometimes appears in his streams to yell at him to stretch his hands

Works well under pressure, which is why he got to be the code monkey hero

Used to support "creative" algos (what we usually call AI for some reason but it isn't really AI) until he saw how people use them

Commissions artwork of himself from time to time. His demeanor about being drawn always gets him a discount since he's "such a joy to work with"

Do you guys also remember something about him living in a cave

----------------------------------------------------------

Striker Jones

Kinda dad, literally canon

Keeps bubblewrap in his pockets for when he stresses out too much from battle

Usually laid back about it though

Etienne and him working on jokes together is a worst case scenario/silly

Likes to tell jokes, especially puns to Obyn because it really annoys him

Yeah one of his love languages is making you angry <3

Can sure work the grill

Loves to read non fiction books and long realist novels

Non sensical but due to some mishearing lines, there was an Emo Lady in his life once who he doesn't think fondly of (the way he says MOAB sounds like emo lady)

D… dad bod. That's all

Has reading glasses

----------------------------------------------------------

Brickell

Augaghaaughah woman

STRONG, can throw you if she so desires, her height doesn't stop her

Had the biggest leather jacket phase before getting really into her navy look

A lot more laid back when off duty

Not too fond of jokes, doesn't really get memes

Big fan of wlw manga and shoujo in general

Knows her history, was one of her favourite classes too

Was a great swimmer from a very young age

Even went to competitions, tho she didn't get too far with that

Very just and fair

Though a great liar, playing poker with her is Hard

She could just stare the truth out of you, like, it's deadly, it's like she sees into your soul

Generally not one to dress down, girl loves her navy ass outfits

----------------------------------------------------------

Churchill

The manga guy, we already know

Engages with all sorts of genres since he's curious about all the culture he can learn, along with morals the stories hold

Commissions artwork of himself a lot, also how he has manga about himself at his house (that lives in my head… why would he do that)

He is short, his battles 2 self does not exist to me

Big fan of cosplaying

Most likely to hop on Ben's streams time to time

Very strong, as he should be

When he feels like it, he arm wrestles with Sauda and Brickell when those 2 aren't too absorbed in each other or Gwen

He is Etienne's 2nd most regular victim of bad memes, since he always looks so devastated

When people don't know about him that he's into manga, he has a harder time easing into talking about it, so he'll always start w the most normal thing, as if he didn't see food porn the anime (I don't actually know the name of it)

Probably the best hero to sit with in silence and do nothing, or read if you get bored

----------------------------------------------------------

Sauda

She is so cocky and oeperfect

God she is so so strong

Can't swim, like at all

She's great and she knows it

Can get annoyed if people can't keep up with her

Due to that, she isn't always the best to work with, as she's not the biggest team player

Often gets approached to help design cards (like an invitation card or what's it called) due to her pretty handwriting

Loves to play fight, her love language is holding you down until you tell her to stop

Loves to tease, especially if she thinks you're weak

Cut her hair on accident once while practicing with her swords

In general she has accidents a lot, it mostly happens when she thinks she's simply Too Amazing to mess up in the moment and then she does

Has been patched up at least once by most heroes

When she gets tired or tipsy, she gets really touch starved and kinda begs to be cuddled. She denies this

She does get tired a lot as she trains a lot

Not really someone who likes silence and peace, but those few occasional times when she feels that way, you really can't bother her

When she gets sick she also gets cuddly and needy (not good)

----------------------------------------------------------

Obyn

That's my dad he's a wolf

Very caring and loves his druids so much

He tends to hold picnics for them, sometimes the heroes as well

Although a dad, jokes have never been his thing

And does Striker Jones take advantage of that, 2 opposing forces, like their own weird kinda foreplay or something

Gives 2nd best hugs from the heroes

He goes awoo, it's a habit he can't shake off, he will awoo at the Moon sometimes when he forgets he shouldn't

Tends to call the druids his pack

They love to be his pack

Probably the hero that has seen most of the world, bit of a traveller

Considering he was raised by wolves, he isn't sure of his origin. Also the reason why he travelled the world

Also I know he's just an oc, but that's when he got his lil guy, my lil big guy CC who is worryingly tall and strong while being 17 (that's what Obyn gets for mingling with someone who isn't a monkey lol)

He loves being a dad to especially orphan druids because at least if he didn't have one, he can be just that to others

The best with children

----------------------------------------------------------

Ezili

Loves the horror, draws the horror

Loves to "jumpscare" people during halloween

Loves to dress up for it as well

Her morning routine involves reading a good horror short story

Has resting bitch face

Has rancid vibes. All cuz of the curses

Big big fan of silence

Loves to see the big bloons fall, that look on her face she gets when they do

It's like she gets pleasure out of murdering them

Insults from her tend to hurt more because she curses her words as well

I know I said this before but she would be a great William Afton, to me

Let her be unhinged is what I'm saying

[grasslandgirl]

Dude, howd u make friends on here???

aw omg anon first of all, this is so sweet of you to ask <33 the jokey answer is i don't know, im just very lucky lmao

but the more genuine answer is that i made friends on tumblr pretty closely to how i make friends in real life: slowly and organically 😵‍💫

the best advice i can give for trying to make friends on tumblr is to be earnest and enthusiastic about the things you care about, and to seek out others with the same interests! there are a lot of people on tumblr who have kind of quiet/unobtrusive blogs: they don't talk in the tags, they don't make original posts, they dont ask/answer asks, etc; and those blogs usually tend to fade into the background, because for a lot of people that's their intention for using tumblr in that way. but in my experience, i've found and made most of my mutuals/friends on here by being vocal and enthusiastic and personable!

make jokes/commentary in the tags of reblogs- this will make you memorable both to the person you're reblogging from, and to the people who see you on their dash, i've started multiple dm conversations with new mutuals based on tags that they or i have made on a post, that sparked an organic conversation-- especially artists and authors of fan content you like; reblogging a post of their art/fic with complimentary tags is an EASY way to make friends with people whose art you like and respect- I'm speaking from experience from both sides of that exchange! so many artists and authors on tumblr are so friendly and so lovely and LOVE to get feedback and thoughts and compliments about their work, and even if it doesn't spark a friendship i always think it's a good thing to put more happiness in the world

reblog ask games and send in asks to people you follow/people that you're mutuals with! most people love to talk/share about themselves, and it's a great way to compliment people/ ask questions to someone whom you don't feel comfortable direct messaging with yet!! the common culture on tumblr is to send an ask for an ask game to the person you're reblogging the game post from, and i think that's a great way to get footholds in with people you want to be friends with !!

i don't know how common this is, but for me i kind of got naturally integrated into a big d20 friendgroup/mutual circle a couple years back, and i think it's a really easy way to make new/more friends- check out who your mutuals are reblogging from or sending asks to/recieving them from frequently! look for people with additional shared interests!

participating in fan creation events is also a really great way to meet new people in a fan space, especially if you write/draw/etc-- i've met and become really good friends with quite a few people through d20 gift exchanges and big bangs over the last few years, and it's a good time of year to keep your eyes peeled for gift exchange fan events right now !!

finally, if there's someone you think is really cool and you want to be friends with them: just message them! one of my dearest and oldest mutuals and friends on here started our friendship by direct messaging me entirely out of the blue "hey you seem cool and we seem to have similar interests, feel free to ignore me but i think we should be friends!" and that was like. four years ago<3 (hiii mer!! xox) sometimes it won't work, and sometimes it'll fizzle out or be awkward, but don't let that dissuade you!! you'll find your people, just keep looking <3

tldr: be natural, be human. it's really easy to blend into just another nameless faceless blog on tumblr, so using the tags and the asks feature and having a distinctive url/header/summary/pinned post is a good way to make yourself memorable, which in my experience is the first step to being seen as approachable/friendly to other people on here!! be yourself, and find a niche/group/media/interest you're passionate about, and seek out people with like interests!! tumblr can seem really daunting i know, and especially when you're a new or small blog it can feel really intimidating when all the other blogs around you seem to already have their established little mutual friend groups; but remember- we're all just people here!! and a lot of us are always looking for a new friend <3

[fortheloveofexy]

🕯️ 💥 💞 (@stabbyfoxandrew's main)

I just noticed there are two 🕯 questions on the ask game. Not sure which one you meant so I will just answer both!

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

I think that positive engagement with fandom can really be a powerful motivator. Part of it is the dopamine hit you get from making something good that a lot of people like, but I also think that even just the smallest positive interaction with others can really build friendship and community.

I have friends whom I've known for years now, and our friendship started because we both agreed Andrew is beefy and got very loud and passionate about it! I have friends whom I only got to know because I was a new fandom author in need of beta readers. Hell, I've made friends with people because we were excited to talk about the omegaverse!

I think the important thing with fandom interactions is to remember that there is a full and complete human behind every username, and that fandom-related stuff is only as serious as you want it to be.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Of all the fics I've written, More Than Words has been the hardest by far. I decided going into this fic that I wanted to incorporate a lot of elements and experiences from my own childhood into it, and that includes both good and bad experiences.

It has required that I examine memories and emotions I've long since tucked away, and that has been both deeply painful and extremely cathartic. Each chapter is emotionally exhausting to write, but it feels necessary to do so, both because I think it will help me process some shit and because I feel like it's a story that needs to be told.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

I'm gonna narrow this down to least kudos'd completed fic because I know there are some people who hold off on leaving kudos until a work is finished. So let's talk about And Baby, I'll Shut Up.

I'm actually quite happy with this one. It was a gift for my dear friend @halfpintpeach. I've never tried to write a fic based on a song before, so it was an interesting challenge to try an incorporate the lyrics and shape the themes of the song into a workable plot. In the end it's a very simple little fic, but I like the imagery and the prose quite a bit, so I'm happy with how it turned out.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

For me, it's the characters, always. I find that things like plot, worldbuilding and grammar cease to matter if your characters are not relatable, if not loveable. I love it when characters feel like fleshed out, real people, like friends I've never met and yet deeply know.

My technical writing is merely okay. I don't get too stressed about things like grammar - so long as it's readable and not distracting, I don't much care. I could spend ages perfecting it but really, it's not a big deal. The only thing I am really particular about is spelling, but that's because I personally find it distracting.

In my opinion, my prose is more serviceable than beautiful, and I'm okay with that. It's something I'd like to get better at in the long term, but honestly I think my prose being on the simpler side sometimes works in my favor, bc it means my writing is really approachable and easy to read.

It might not have the most interesting or stimulating turns-of-phrase, but I do think it lends itself to telling a story that just sucks you in. If prose is a window through which a story is viewed, then my window is floor to ceiling glass - its simple and unobtrusive, it does not stand out so it does not get in the way.

[cimeret]

So, I'm a die-hard Cyan fan. Myst has been very influential to me as a child and kinda defined my whole idea of what a good game should be able to achieve in terms of immersion and atmosphere. I've been hyped for Firmament ever since I heard Rand say the words "callbacks to Myst" and "steampunk magic vibe" and "cool machinery". But now that I've spent a sleepless weekend playing the game, I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Because the Cyan fan in me really, really wants to love this game and there's so much good stuff, but some of the decisions in gameplay and storytelling don't work for me and I just know Cyan can do better.

Spoilers for the game under the cut. Also, this post is going be image-heavy because, yeah, it's a Cyan game.

And first of all, YES, there's no absolutely doubt that this game was made by Cyan. Everything feels very Cyan. They just know how to build worlds. Beautiful abandoned places that fill you with a sense of melancholy and nostalgia and spark your imagination. Even on my old potato laptop with abysmal frame rates, I felt like I WAS in the world of Firmament. Sometimes I just stood there and looked around, enjoying the view. All buildings and machines are designed in Cyan's typical style between slightly fantastic and nitty-gritty steampunk realism, and fit seamlessly into the beautiful nature. For the architecture, this time they've opted for a heavily Art Decor inspired style. It makes everything seem very epic and grand, but also a bit austere, and goes very well with the many old and deserted factories we explore in the game. Where Obduction had worlds that felt like a small, close-knit community where people used literal junk to craft their homes and environments, in Firmament everything feels monumental and larger-than-life. The giant arches that span the skies of the worlds are visible from almost everywhere. You handle huge blocks of ice, dump tons of red acid into the sea (yuck), and raise large towers from the ground and open them. This feels like the stuff the D'ni might have constructed at the height of their power. And all of that fits right in with the theme and backstory of Firmament, that megalomaniac multi-generational plan to set off for a new world.

Much of what you would expect from a Cyan game is there. Three very different, atmospheric worlds + a smaller hub world. Epic maglev rides. Turn-on-the-power puzzles. A great visionary tale of hubris and enslavement. An underwater area that is the reincarnation of the selentic maze puzzle. Yeah, even the last one made me roll my eyes in fondness.

(The way the frozen waterfall reflects in the ice ... so gorgeous ...)

(You know it‘s a Cyan game if a puzzle looks like a something out of an amusement park)

(Look at the pretty! I was blown away by the beauty of the whole conservatory area. Just wanted to grab my things and move in.)

The great sound design also does so much to immerse you in the worlds. Headphones recommended! The crunching of ice, the singing of birds, the hissing when you open doors, the grinding of machine parts — I'm quite an auditory person and a big part of the charm of the Myst series for me were the very realistic noises when you turn rusty valves or some heavy door closes and locks behind you. The soundtrack itself left me a bit disappointed. It's mostly ambient and rather unobtrusive, creating a suitable atmosphere, but there were few pieces that stood out for me. One can certainly argue that this should be the point of an immersive soundtrack. Personally, I prefer Robyn Miller's haunting, simple melodies. Still, there were a few songs that I liked, such as Batteries Casting Shadows or Power Station.

(The most beautiful chill disco)

(Firmament also has its own "linking books". Never change, Cyan. <3)

The puzzles were integrated well into the environment. I found them all quite easy. For the most part, I figured out what I needed to do fairly quickly, and it was just a matter of getting it done.  A lot of the puzzles dealt with finding your way through an area and navigating the space, so they were puzzles that challenged spatial intelligence. And I love that kind of stuff so I was never really bored, but still a little more variety would have been nice. I would have liked to see some puzzles where you have to take notes or collect clues at different locations in the worlds.

The best puzzles were the ones where you had to learn how to first power and then operate huge machines that required multiple steps. Those kind of puzzles are a staple of Cyan games and always a lot of fun. My favorite puzzle in that regard was the sulfur processing factory. Just staring at the schematics of the huge mixer and the pipelines and figuring out what to do, then moving machinery parts and twiddling with them until it finally clicked — easily the best part of the gameplay for me. I just wish we could have had a bit more of this.

(That whole area gave me so many flashback to the original Myst .)

(YES just give me some huge, unnecessarily complicated, creaking machinery I can rotate and break!)

All the interaction happened via the adjunct only, so you just searched for sockets and operated them. In fact, everything was operated via the adjunct: doors, elevators, the maglevs, everything. And while handling the adjunct itself was very intuitive and the gameplay felt engaging and satisfactory, it did feel a bit monotonous in the long run. I miss my levers and buttons and valves. Interacting only via a blue glowing string that connects to the same socket model all the time made me feel very detached from the environment. As a direct consequence of the adjunct-focused gameplay, there were also no items outside of puzzles to interact with (aside from the few lore documents). No small, seemingly pointless toys that secretly taught you the mechanics of a larger puzzle. No drawers that you could pull open. I remember the creepy little projector in Achenar's room in Myst where a rose turned into a skull. All of this helped so much to make the worlds feel alive but there wasn't anything like this in Firmament. The decision for the adjunct was probably influenced a lot by the fact that the game is designed for VR, I get that. But when I look at the old kickstarter vids for Firmament where the little floating device is combined with "manual" actions like pulling a lever or pushing a button, I can't help but think the gameplay could have could have been more diverse and still applicable for VR.

(I loved taking a bath in sulfuric acid. But even the suit mechanic was getting a bit repetitive by the second time ...)

Speaking of worlds that feel alive ... here, too, I would have liked to see a bit more scenic storytelling to support the plot, which is largely carried by the monologues of the mentor. This is definitely something I know Cyan do better! The worlds they design are always very special in that they are deserted and contain hardly any NPCs, but at the same time so much life and story is conveyed through the setting. And I'm not just talking about the countless journals Myst is infamous for. The characters in Obduction, for example, had personalities — C.W., Caroline Farley, Mayor Josef, they felt real. Walking into the classroom in Riven, or Gehn's temple, you learned so much about him and how he presented himself. You slowly put together a picture of what had happened, of who these people were and who you could trust. And Firmament also makes some promising approaches in this direction. The constant unsettling brainwashing of the Keepers on the one hand. But on the other hand, everything we see presents a picture of a small community that lived very much in peace and simple happiness. There are things that don't add up, vaguely foreshadowing the twist at the end. All of those little bits and pieces are really great and inspire so much intrigue and mystery.

(Totally normal to have all those banners and doctrines on the walls of your workplace. Not creepy at all.)

(Who were those people? Wish we could've get to know them more ...)

But ultimately, at some point, the mentor decides to just tell you the truth and that's it. Most of the plot is covered in fifteen minutes of gameplay at the very end, through her monologues and the newspaper clippings and documents in the spaceship's control room. But at this point the game is already over, because there are no more puzzles to solve, no more decisions to make. The ending plays out like a visual novel. A beautiful one, no doubt — I loved the resolution and the kinda open, but hopeful ending. But I still I think the game would have worked better if Cyan hadn't been so bent on the spectacular effect of that plot twist at the very end. During the game I had already considered whether the mentor would turn out to be Turner, or maybe me? I was coming up with theories on where Turner really came from, and what he did to those people. And what the real purpose of this cycle of Sleeping and Awakening might be. I don't know, I think it would have been so much more exciting to discover clues for theories while exploring the worlds (via lore documents and setting), and not just through the mentor's monologues. The big twist at the end would have been less surprising, but I think the plot would have unfolded more organically and it would have felt more rewarding to come up with the truth on your own.

I am definitely going to replay the game (after buying a new laptop) and I'm curious to see if it changes my opinion. I've heard that Firmament runs very buggy for a lot of people and apparently, VR is broken. I'm not going to talk about bugs, because yes, while the game crashed numerous times during my playthrough and some parts played really janky, I'm not sure how much of that was due to my hopelessly outdated hardware. But all these things — buggy gameplay (I wonder how much playtesting was done?), poor VR implementation, a story that feels a bit lackluster in its presentation, lack of all those little loving details in the scenery that I usually appreciate Cyan for — all of it feels like some things were rushed during the development of this game. It might have needed just another round of polishing.

The basis for another Cyan classic is definitely there, but I'm afraid Firmament won't leave the same long-lasting impression on me as Obduction and certainly not the Myst series. And I'm a bit scared of what that might mean for the future of Cyan Worlds.      

[untilteddocument]

So I've Been Thinking About: Potion Craft - Alchemist Simulator

Welcome once again to So I've Been Thinking About, a journal series where I talk about things I find interesting or appealing about various pieces of media, often video games. This time, I'll be talking about Potion Craft: Alchemist Simulator from niceplay games, which came out very recently!

They Really Mean Craft

This is going to be pretty low-intensity, in large part because the game itself is much lighter and low-key than, say, Phoenix Point, but this is by no means a sign of any vapidity.

What really draws me to Potion Craft is its command of the sense of place. The music is unobtrusive and pleasant. The art style is of course a nice remix/facsimile of old medieval illustrations, easy to parse while retaining the feel.

It's all pretty calming, even meditative as you craft your potions, and on that front the game really does a bang-up job of giving you a satisfying sense of tactility with its system. The mortar and pestle's sounds are perfect as you grind up the various ingredients and drop them in the cauldron.

The stirring and ladling to set or correct your ingredients' path along the map feels almost perfectly weighted to your mouse movement.

Working the bellows to bring it to a boil to lock in the effect gives you a satisfying foom as the fire comes to life.

Another thing that makes the game so interesting is the granularity of making the potions. Grinding up ingredients, especially the rarer ones, often has them follow a convoluted path, sometimes even doubling back on themselves. However, you're able to grind partially, up until they hit the spot you want them to stop at. Likewise, you can finesse stirring and ladling to get to the perfect spot, or as close as you can manage. It doesn't feel finicky, at least for me, but rather like you're...an alchemist, using a steady hand and keen senses to fine-tune your brew.

Side Note

Being that they're both games centered around making potions, I feel like comparisons almost have to be drawn between this game and Potionomics, which released earlier this year, though honestly the two games couldn't be further apart given their shared premise. I don't have it, but I've watched Potionomics gameplay, at least enough to get a sense of the loop, and the distinction is this:

Potion Craft is a game where you make potions. Potionomics is a game where you run a store.

The latter game focuses more on the haggling and sales pitch, with the potions almost shoved into the background in favor of how you can make those potions appeal to your customers. The appeal lies in the emotions expressed by your character and the people she interacts with. The former, meantime, is very much about the actual creation of the potions, which each one being the answer to its own puzzle, while the haggling is pretty abstracted. Neither game is the worse for it, of course; they each follow their respective styles, and are good examples of each.

Spicing It Up

If there's one thing I feel Potion Craft is lacking (aside from an in-game Potion Seller joke; one of the achievements does deliver, though), it's a specific type of sensory feedback that would really contribute to the game's sense of place.

Smell.

Imagine if grinding up terraria root punctuated that woody rustling and the clink of stone against stone with a shot of earthy bitterness. Imagine the scents of a firebell-heavy concoction shifting from dry and papery to sharp peppery heat as you stir. Imagine the acrid cocktail that gets released when you need to turn to the stink mushrooms. There's so much the game already does to give you the sense that You Are Making Potions, and I feel like that would complete the picture in a marvelous way.

...Aside from...y'know...how impractical it is to have some kind of proprietary computer-coordinated odor profile peripheral with your digital distribution game.

Still, you could probably get enough out of lighting some incense while you play.

My Potions Can Do Anything That You Can

Like I said, kind of light, and certainly less meaty than some, but the game is a treat, and I love how it's chosen to try and draw the player in.

Oh yeah also Geralt's in the game, sort of?

[corvidaes-crow]

Reposting this from the replies because hey I actually had the motivation to find the quotes that this post was missing (if anyone has the chapter where the Henituses find out about the body swap please let me know). And also character limit was frustrating me.

@somber-cryptid's comment: Question, did the narrative ever explicitly say Deruth didn't ever try to talk to his son after he married Violan and before the transmigration? Or is it just like, not mentioned? I get that Deruth did not support his son as he should have after the death of his wife, but did he really just throw money at him after that? We know that Deruth at the very least had a servant tailing him most of the time. I think we just lack information in general about their relationship.

Edited + extended reply for a bit more detail:

Cale and Deruth were like strangers to each other (ch 2) and Cale was spoiled with wealth and freedom (I don't remember the chapter, lmk if someone has it). That's about it as far as canon OG!Cale and Deruth info goes.

Deruth specifically says "he didn't want to know what his son was doing on the outside" enough to put a tail on him either (ch 8). The driver is probably under orders to report what Cale does, but only unobtrusive observations. That being said, Cale was being watched and reported on by Hans while he was inside the house (ch 8). We can't even take this as proof of Deruth's care for OG!Cale, since Hans is "suddenly" assigned to Cale in ch 4. It can be assumed that Hans only starts reporting on Cale's movements then. Which means that Cale was probably previously unmonitored both inside and outside the house. Or maybe the monitoring came in the form of reports/complaints from servants.

Actually, immediately after that report, it states, "There was a lot of things for [Deruth] to think about other than the change in Cale’s demeanor." (ch 8). Of course this doesn't mean Deruth didn't think about the change at all, but he has priorities and if he protects his lands, he protects Cale too. The collective over the individual. You've got to give it to Deruth, he is a good leader and count. But yes, there is a lack of textual presence to draw on about Deruth's fatherhood to begin with. A lot of it is left up to us to fill in.

In my opinion, a more involved father would also be more indelibly present in the plot, since Cale would have to proactively assuage Deruth's concerns or dodge possible interference. KRS!Cale is happy at how little Deruth cares about his actions and how easy it is to get things without any questions at all. Whether Deruth tried to reconnect with Cale after he remarried, failed and gave up, or he waited all those years hoping Cale would make the first move, I personally don't think it matters. The former implies that Deruth gave up on Cale years ago, probably back when Cale was 8 and started acting out. The latter implies he gave up before he even started trying, and expected a child to make the emotionally mature decision to open up the complicated dialogue about family relationships, death and love. Either way, he failed as a parent.

We can see so clearly how much KRS!Cale treasures familial relationships. Raon, Ohn, Hong, his amusement with the Wolf kids and their 'Vicross hyung,' his stiff yet kind relationship with the Henituse kids, his respect and empathy for Ron and Vicross' father-son relationship. Yu Ryeo-Han puts so much emphasis on found father figures too - Grandpa Ron's intimidating and forceful concern, Goldie Gramps poking well-meaning fun at/lamenting Cale's destructive tendencies, Duke Fredo and Naru and the White Star's whole uncle schtick. So why is Cale's biological father so overshadowed by these other paternal figures (excluding that last lot)?

We mightn't have much information about Deruth, but he's at such a disadvantage without it compared to all the other family dynamics in LCF that it feels almost like a deliberate subtextual criticism of his inaction and neglect on Yu Ryeo-Han's part. He cares, undeniably, but does it matter how much he cares if OG!Cale could not recognise it?

Declaration of competing interests /j: As the original tags say, I project on OG!Cale and Deruth's relationship when writing them/about them. As much as I try to keep my personal biases out of this, my reading of them is not as objective as I would like to be. I am immediately more critical of Deruth and his actions than I may be of other characters. That being said, any reading of any text is implicitly affected by the reader's background. If it's backed up with textual evidence, or finds meaning in the lack thereof, I'm so down to hear other readings!

Deruth Henituse bashing ahead, you have been warned.

I finally figured out why I hate Deruth Henituse. The novel, through Kim Roksu, barely lingers on his failings as a parent. Which, fair enough, I understand from a characterisation perspective why that wouldn't be a main focus. It just means I linger on that in canon's place. Why is Deruth satisfied with giving his child some exorbitant allowance? Why doesn't he ask at any point what it was used for, even when he thinks their relationship has improved? Why can he be a good person to everyone except OG!Cale? What is stopping him except his own cowardice and guilt?

There is not a single thing in LCF that redeems him as a father. We see how Ron grows to care for (KRS!)Cale, as well as Eruhaben and Fredo in their own pseudo-fatherly ways. We see how Deruth has not changed since 'Cale Henituse' improved. If he had been more grief-stricken finding out about Cale on-screen, maybe that would have redeemed him a bit in my eyes, but alas.

I need a scene where Deruth wakes up in the middle of the night heaving, tears streaming down his face when he realises that his son does not exist in their universe any more. When he realises his son has disappeared from their timeline, and likely did so believing everyone would prefer it that way. When he realises that belief is not exactly wrong, because everyone does prefer it this way.

That last realisation, he struggles with, because bad parents will never understand what they did wrong without significant internal struggle and a self-driven desire to understand. I need someone (Eruhaben, Ron, or even Violan) to notice his internal conflict and sit him down and ask him, straightforward and simple, "Which one do you prefer?" And they won't let him tell them his answer, that's not for them to know. But Deruth finds himself repeating the question over and over, which do I prefer?

It starts with 'neither, obviously, how could I pick a favourite?' but the guilt gnaws at him; his reflexive answer is not what his son, his sons, deserve. So he disassembles it all from there. What would he feel if they swapped back? What would he do then? Shower Cale with love, of course - but would he? Or would he find himself taking a step back, guilty and avoidant as always when it comes to his son?

And then, why would Deruth feel guilty? Because he hungers after a son who he can interact with without fearing Cale's hatred or resentment. He knows and fears his own inadequacy to heal their relationship. And the new soul doesn't mind it. The new soul, Cale, holds no expectations for him. No resentment. He doesn't know how to reconcile, but is there any need to if Cale is no longer the son he wronged?

So the answer to such a cruel question, which do you prefer, is... this one. The new one. The Cale that Deruth can be a proud father of, that he can hold his head high when talking about and fret over when he coughs blood or faints or leaves for another dangerous mission. The Cale that he knows exactly how to make happy. It's not hard, either, just food, rest and gold.

Deruth will never know how he could have made the original Cale happy. There is too much strife between them for Deruth to dare try to unravel it all, so he'll settle for wishing him all the best in future endeavours. This is penance enough, the guilt he will carry forever for not noticing sooner the loss of his firstborn son.

[drakeandwrigley]

Our Guide to the Most Common Types of Door Hinges for Homes

Welcome to our in-depth look at the different types of door hinges used in homes. People like doors for how they look and what they're used for, but what about the unsung stars that keep people safe? That's right, I mean door hinges. These parts, which don't seem important at first glance, are very important for the safety and proper working of your doors. It's helpful to know about the different door hinge choices whether you're remodeling the whole room or just replacing the old hardware. This page talks about different kinds of hinges, such as mortise hinges and ball-bearing hinges. Now is the time to talk about the fun subject of door hinges in New Zealand and how they can make your doors look better and work better.

Different Types of Door Hinges

Before you buy door hinges for your home in New Zealand, you need to know about the different kinds and what they can do. Now, let's look at a few of the most common types of door hinges.

Because they look clean and unobtrusive when they're set up right, mortise hinges are the standard for inner doors. This is a strong and reliable product because it is built into the door frame and the edge of the door. Mortise hinges are often used in more classic or decorative designs because they look beautiful and will never go out of style.

Second, if durability is very important to you, a ball-bearing hinge might be the best choice. These hinges make it easier and quieter to open and close doors than regular hinges because they have tiny ball bearings inside each one. These are usually on industrial-strength doors or other places that get a lot of use.

Not like regular butt hinges, pivot hinges let a door open 180 degrees in one way without the need for a center pin or knuckle joint. Because of this, they work great with big, heavy doors that need to be pushed to the side or opened wide to let people through.

When the door is opened past a certain point, a spring device inside the door spring hinges closes the door. Self-closing hinges are usually used on doors that need to stay closed all the time for fire safety reasons, like in factories or flats.

Take your time and carefully think about your choices; the first hinge you look at might not be the best one for you.

Mortise and Hinge

A lot of people use mortise hinges as their usual door hinge. There are hidden hinges that blend in exactly with the door and frame when the door is closed.

It's great that mortise locks last a long time. They are usually made of strong metals like brass or stainless steel so that they can be used over and over again without breaking. Because of this, they are often put on big doors or other places that get a lot of use.

Another good thing about mortise hinges is that they are safer than other types of joints. Because they are set into the wood, enemies will find it much harder to take out the pin and get in.

To put in mortise hinges, you need to be very good at woodworking because you have to cut them into the door and frame. Once they are in place, though, these hinges make it easy to operate and hide any gear that is visible from the outside.

Mortise hinges in New Zealand are a great choice if you want a latch that looks good and lasts a long time.

Bearing for a ball hinge

It is very common and commonplace to use ball-bearing doors. The name of this type of hinge comes from the fact that it has small steel ball bearings inside a greased metal case. It's easy to open and close doors when these ball bearings are used.

Ball-bearing doors are stronger and last longer than other types. Ball bearings are used in the design to cut down on friction and make the hinge last longer. This means that front doors and other large interior doors might gain a lot from them.

Not only are ball-bearing doors strong, they are also very safe. These types of doors are less likely to be broken into because they work more quietly and smoothly.

Even though these hinges in New Zealand are useful, they may cost more than others because they are made with better materials. High-quality door hardware may cost more than other choices, but it is an investment that pays off because it works better and lasts longer.

A lot of use and abuse won't hurt ball-bearing doors. They are strong and reliable. Their modern style not only makes your home or office more useful, but it also makes it look better.

The Good and Bad Things About Different Door Hinge Styles

Let's look at the pros and cons of each of the most common door hinges now that we've talked about them. Now you know how to choose the best lock for your home's doors.

The pros of Mortise Hinge, Number One Because it is so strong and lasts a long time, the mortise hinge is great for heavy doors. It works well and can be quickly tweaked if needed.

Cutting the door frame to the right shape can make installation harder than with other types of hinges.

The small ball bearings between the knuckles make action smooth. This is one of the best things about the ball-bearing hinge. They last a long time and are easy to keep up.

Even though these hinges might cost more than others, they are well worth the money because they last a long time and work well.

Because they are flexible and can be used in many situations, butt hinges are useful. They are inexpensive and come in different sizes to fit different door weights. They are also very easy to install.

Due to the fact that they are fixed on both sides of the door frame, butt hinges aren't as safe as mortise or ball-bearing hinges.

The pivot hinge: - Pros: This type of hinge lets doors open from the middle, which makes it look better than side-mounted hinges. They work on doors that are thick or heavy too.

Cons: Installing it can be hard because it's harder to get the hinges lined up correctly than with normal hinges.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "2008 5150 kikker hardknock bobber" on YouTube

They don't want you buying the bikes they don't want to sell any bikes and they don't want to see you ride in the bikes and they're expressing it to us and they're making hard for him to post this but you see him having fun with his lady and then buzzes her and says don't do that. And she was flipping out. And that's how it goes with you idiots. Throughout the door faster than we can build them and tons of people are buying them huge numbers of regular folk yes and there's a lot of different races behind these a lot of people that went to the mental hospitals because of you people and they're Max and they know what they're saying

Thor Freya

Whoa it's on DJ says I'm going to buy more

Bja

We can't seem to get enough of these we order them they send them and we order more and they keep sending them and we don't have enough

Brad

You see how it works but it's really happening this happening before but now it's happening wholesale and there's tons of it these bikes are coming out of everyone's ears and there's no redesign it's not the old bike but it's the new old bike and they're faster stronger the frames are real hard solid you can put a Harley bike motor in there and it works and it won't ruin the bike everybody is buying these things everybody and they're very light even with a Harley motor they put a smaller Harley motor inn like that 500 and that thing goes like 300 miles an hour that's so light and it can go the speed and handle it cuz I've tried it

Trump

We expect to get a few bikes for that no but we just telling it how it is I'm in love with these bikes and I see what he's saying what kind of poor we've always been poor but they haven't felt it for a long time and if you need something to get around on and it's there it's really cool looking it sounds like a scooter people let you go around on them and it's kind of unobtrusive but it it's cool at the same time it's because it looks like an old bike and I think that it's an antique or a bastardized antique so they don't bother you that much and it's a lot of fun these things are very fast they're louder than this and they sound like a real bike a little but they go very fast and you can get out of trouble we can go off-road it's a sweet ride and he wants to get a 49cc to be fast enough to get around all around out here he could probably go to Miami too and nobody would bother him even though you're not supposed to it's still a motorcycle license and really if you get pulled over what is he going to say too little CC's but you're going the speed limit so we have to check the rules so he did and it says you can't do it 49 cc's he says I can go around anyways there's a long raid down at the very bottom and it's a long way in the middle it goes to West Palm so he knows the way around here it's not bad and a ride to the middle would do is good especially if you had a gang he's asking it's not to come Clyde even though he's smarter than us too and Clyde is too and he said that not me

Dan

It's about time we have some people are willing to ride but holy s*** you people ride everything anything that comes near you but these are your favorite bikes and we're going to take it over cuz we see what it says

Bob marsh

I'm waiting for him to get that bike so we can ride to West Palm cuz I'm over here

Emily

You know who she is and we don't want you riding over there and no she's not mine but I'm saying it some stupid reason

Brad

Yeah me you need the thing but you need to ride over there

Miley

We know she's having trouble getting anything and we don't want to get that so screw you all you idiots

Ellie AKA jenna

It's bad enough for that mumbo bike he has I can't even ride the thing and I'm a professional cyclist and cruise around like it's nothing I can't believe it that thing is hard to ride you can't believe I'm saying it cuz it's easy but he's been riding dirt bikes and motorcycles and so I'll get it it's kind of a motorcycle and it's a bike but I can't ride it I guess I'd rather smaller ones but they still suck

Jon

What is this some kind of a****** for him I see it on the online all the time and now it's here I'm getting a whole bunch of these Hard knock kicker 5150 because you put me in the damn mental hospital you retards to make a stupid and this is a smart bike I want to see him on a scooter 49cc you can't seem to find out where they are

Mac says he by the old version but it wouldn't move in more than 20 miles an hour and it's true

[the-ipre]

.

[skaruresonic]

It helps me to break up the work into chunks, where certain days are set aside for specific kinds of work. Audio - Finding sfx, voice clips, music, working with Audacity. I like these days best because it gives me an excuse to listen to music. Coding - Implementing screens and features; writing code and transforms (animations). Writing code isn't particularly hard once you get the hang of the syntax; it's the debugging that will eat up most of your time. It's easy to implement a new feature, but difficult to make sure that feature doesn't result in unintended bugs.

Debugging - Testing. This is where most games will fall into development hell. In order to make a solid game, you have to assume your player is the least charitable player in the world. They will impatiently skip cutscenes, click every button in the "wrong" order, break sequence, fail the QTE, and spam rollback, to name a few possibilities.

You must counter the worst-faith measures you can conceive of; and even then, there's a possibility someone will still find a way to break your game in ways you didn't think were possible. To this day, I have no idea how Random managed to return to OaS's good route after getting stuck on the bad route because the variable that determines which route you're on is a persistent variable; he shouldn't have been able to get back to the normal route without triggering the flag, but somehow he did it by deleting a ton of data (which... might have included the persistent variable, since it seemed to have disabled or rolled back his ability to skip as well). I'm amazed the game still ran after that, tbh. Didn't think "nuke the entire thing" was a solution a player could use to break free of the bad choice route lol.

You have to make sure the code won't buckle in such cases. (weeps in "maximum excursion depth exceeded" error)

Art - Making sprites, CGs, UI elements. Includes resizing things to fit the screen. I like making clickable buttons :P

Writing - Writing routes, choices, and dialogue. This is actually pretty difficult if you're shooting for a non-linear experience, because you have to bear previous developments in mind while offering viable alternative routes.

So I wouldn't necessarily call it "just" writing. Writing is still hard, too, just in a different way. But like, as a non-programmer, something about coding specifically makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I love it when something works, obviously - the simple joy of "yay, the button does something when I click it!" - but there's also so much bullshit to wade through, you kind of have to make your peace with the fact that you likely won't see as much return on investment as you imagine in your head. VNs look easy, but then you go take a look at the coding and you see a novel's worth for a simple animation lol.

If you code your game right, it will be unobtrusive. Nobody will be thinking "Wow, those menu buttons sure do have smooth animations when you hover your cursor over them, wonder how long that took to debug" because smooth UI is simply an expectation.

Perhaps this is the universe's way of scolding me for not toughing out Computer Programming in university, but this is one medium where being messy will fuck you up fast.

I've also gained a newfound appreciation for graphic designers and the work they do. It's difficult to form a game's coherent identity in terms of overall aesthetics... the presentation, let alone the "meat" of the content.

RenPy is good because it comes with in-built graphical user interfaces, but if you want to customize those elements, you have to get creative with them. And not everything will "gel" together. I keep having to cut certain animations because they're too cartoonish for what I'm aiming for.

Overall, developing VNs has shifted my perspective on writing. I used to suffer the same problems most fic writers do in that I would get bound up in making things just right. Although making VNs hasn't completely banished my perfectionism, it's definitely loosened its hold. Sometimes you have to say "good enough for now, let's stick a pin in it" and move on.

You realize that writing is also a raw material, not nearly as set in stone as your perfectionism would have you think. It's as malleable and tweakable as the values for your animation. You can refine that stuff as you go. Nothing has to be perfect right out of the gate. Quality is layered in through revision. So on and so forth.

If I wrote VNs as though every word were inalienable, it would become a boring, staid process. And that's because the development process forces me to edit. I cannot be so married to the words that they compromise the game's aesthetic. It's "easier," relatively speaking, to cut a paragraph than to code a new viewport window to accommodate all of that text.

I will agree with writers on one thing: at least with art, I can show off my progress.

With coding, it's just, "I made a thing. Fucked up the thing. Spent hours reading documentation trying to fix the thing. Didn't fix the thing. Wound up ripping its guts out as a solution instead, so now it only spuriously works. But on the flip side, it does a neat little trick! (minor aesthetic flourish) (crashes the game)"

Visual novels look easy to make, but that's the devil talking. God damn does coding have hands

[zoeykallus]

Tbb comforting a reader who's really stressed from university? 💕

Coming right up! Sorry you had to wait so long!

The Bad Batch x (stressed university student) Reader HC's - Take A Breather

Warnings: Stress/Comfort

Hunter

"Don't stress so much," Hunter says gently.

But that's so easy for him to say. You still have so much stuff to learn, projects to prepare, and the general pressure to perform is on you.

"That's easy for you to say," you say a little more gruffly than you planned, "You don't have to learn all this crap."

Hunter is silent. He looks at you. He's not mad, his expression is still calm and gentle. Of course, he is aware that you are under quite a bit of pressure.

You sigh softly and finally say apologetically, "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just slowly reaching my limit and there's still so much to do"

"It's okay," he says patiently, "I'll get some food, take out the trash, and maybe when we've eaten later I can quiz you or something"

You smile gratefully at him. You had forgotten about food, but now that he mentions it, you hear your stomach growl and feel that you really should eat something. Hunter leans over you, gently kisses your temple and says, "We'll figure it out".

You look up at him and say, "What if I don't make it?"

"Why wouldn't you make it?"

You shrug your shoulders, "I don't know. I guess you don't know about fear of failure."

Hunter laughs and says, "Believe me, I know it better than you think."

He pulls a second chair up to your desk and sits next to you for a moment and says, "I don't think you'll fail. Even if for some reason you don't make it, it's not the end of the world, even though it may feel that way at first. I'll still be here to support you, build you up, and get through all the nonsense with you again if that's what you want. No matter what happens, you are not alone. But now focus on the good things, focus on what you know and can do."

Hunter kisses you again, stands back up and says, "Now let's get you something to eat first."

Echo

He brings you snacks and drinks at your desk, otherwise stays unobtrusively in the background when you're studying and doing some reading, but he's always near you if you need him. Echo does everything he can to make sure you don't get into a stressful situation in the first place. He quizzes you, looks over your projects with you, acts as your rehearsal audience, and takes care of the surrounding things that you barely have time for because of your busy schedule.

He has no problem doing your laundry, cleaning or tidying up, in fact he kind of does it automatically. Echo knows how much pressure you are put under and especially how much pressure you put on yourself, he tries to compensate for that as best he can.

Quite often you will hear him praising you and listening very attentively and enthusiastically to your ideas for your projects. When he can, he gives you suggestions, and he always prepares everything for you when an exam is coming up. Your clothes are ready, food is also ready, and he makes sure that you never forget your important documents.

When the stress overwhelms you, and you just slump down. He holds you gently in his arms, speaks to your courage and listens to your worries. With Echo, you are never alone and always well taken care of.

Wrecker

He's impressed with what you're doing, and he lets you feel it all the time. Wrecker pampers you in every free minute, so you can relax. He's really concerned whenever stress seems to bring you to your knees anyway.

However, you can always count on Wrecker to have an open ear, gentle, strong arms to hold you up when you need it and lots of sweet ideas to relax you. He brings you sweets and nibbles, nourishment as he calls it. You always have fresh drinks ready, he takes care of that as well.

No matter how low you feel, Wrecker never gives up on you, he's always there to pull you back to your feet.

"You're doing great," he tells you, even if you don't think so, he says it with such conviction that you believe him.

Wrecker is incredibly good at motivating and unburdening you, and also being the strong shoulder to lean on whenever you need it.

Tech

He is calm and patient. What you are learning he has already internalized, so he is happy to help you learn the material. Tech finds new ways to help you memorize things, quizzes you whenever you want, and makes sure you don't neglect yourself in the midst of all the stress of learning.

Tech helps you make a plan, takes care of other things that would otherwise distract you, and makes sure you take short breaks, get fresh air, and get enough food and fluids.

You know he is incredibly smart and learning new things comes so incredibly easy to him, sometimes you feel stupid. But Tech is anything but condescending or cocky. His calm, patient nature helps you learn a lot. He is aware that not everyone can absorb and retain information the way he does.

Of course, Tech makes sure that you eat good food, but he also makes sure that you eat comfort food now and then and just enjoy yourself.

"The happier and more relaxed you are, the easier it is for you to learn".

"You make me happy," you say with a smile.

Tech blinks and finally says with a sweet little smirk, "Then I guess I shouldn't leave your side"

Crosshair

At first, he doesn't really know how to deal with it. You are stressed and pretty much at the end, he can't do anything with you. He knows where this stress comes from that pulls you down so much.

"Why don't you take a break and take a breather? Let's order some food, watch a movie, something other than your books," Crosshair grumbles.

You sigh, "I can't, I have to have all of this internalized by tomorrow."

He sighs, gets up from the sofa and pulls a chair towards you.

"Let me see it," he growls softly.

Crosshair works with you all night on your study material, quizzing you, listening to your ideas and conclusions. By morning, you're pretty much done, but you feel good because with his help you feel you're ready for anything.

He says dryly, "If you get a good grade, you owe me. If you don't, it's definitely not my fault."

You laugh tiredly but relieved.

"Okay. I've got to go in a minute. Do I get a kiss for good luck?"

Crosshair smirks at you, "You only want one?"

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@puppetswithteeth

@palliateclaws

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@starwarsnerd111

[bangchanswolfpelt]

ok look I gotta be honest you can’t just drop the whole “yandere” thing and list TWO OF MY ULT BIASES’ NAMES and not fucking elaborate. Seungcheol + Changbin yandere headcanons immediately please and thank u. Ykw elaborate on all of them because I am going feral.

(Also lol I’m glad u treated yourself from my last ask <3 banana bread sounds so good rn,,,,)

- 👾👾

@beefis i'm too much of a soft bitch to write really good yandere stuff, but have some very mild yandere headcanons💕

[Joshua, Jungkook, Solar, Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun under the cut

Changbin, Hyunjin, Jeongin, Hongjoong, Jackson, Yugyeom, and Minhyuk coming soon]

Seungcheol

vascillates between big scary dog bf and sweet needy puppy gf

super jealous mess, not afraid to make a scene if he thinks some asshole is overstepping

will growl at anyone who comes near you then turn around and whine to you for love and reassurance

clingy and openly obsessive

this boy wants to do everything together, and when that's not possible, he's texting you constantly

will send you selfies every other hour and pout and whine for you to do the same

your one saving grace is that Seungcheol's pathetically easy for you—he'll roll over and do just about anything you ask—and so transparent that even when he's feeling stubborn, it's not hard to know which buttons to push to get what you want out of him

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 8.5/10

he didn't plan to, it's definitely a crime of passion, but this boy will fight and murder for you if he feels like you/your relationship is threatened

it is messy

he probably comes to your door at two am, covered in blood and pouting like a puppy because he needs your help cleaning up

this boy will want your help disposing of the body, because he is squeamish once the adrenaline wears off

will do it again in a heartbeat, though, so keep the first aid kit and bleach well-stocked

(moving to another town might be another option, but we both already know he'd follow you to the end of the earth if he had to)

Joshua

honestly one of the scariest ones—too smart and too good at manipulating you to be handled the way yanderes like Scoops and Changbin are

Shua will ruin your relationship with anyone he sees as competition and you'll still feel grateful to him for being there for you through all the drama and heartache

knows how to play it cool, very smoothly transitions from 'friend of a friend' to 'your best friend' to 'the person your life revolves around'—but that's fine! because his life revolves around you!

has a five year, twelve step plan to get this done that he's just been refining since the moment he decided you had to be his

not a love-at-first-sight yandere; Joshua's obsession with you was something that sprouted slowly, without his noticing

an instinctive attraction, turned to curiosity, turned into a quiet determined fixation

hands down, the best at hiding how obsessive he is over you

his perfect, mannerly facade does a good job of covering the occasional moment he just can't resist—a hand pressed to the small of your back just a moment too long, a gaze you catch lingering on you intensely

will occasionally snap when he thinks someone's overstepping, but he recovers quickly, and all that charm makes it easy to brush his behavior off as a charming protectiveness, rather than the raging possessiveness it actually is

the way Joshua unobtrusively and handsomely orbits you probably has you forming your own infatuation before he even makes a move proper; this was not part of his plan, but that doesn't stop him from taking advantage

not above doing what he can to make you jealous; he'll use it as a gauge of where he stands with you, to help figure out what his next move should be, but there's no denying that he also just enjoys it—enjoys knowing you feel (almost) as strongly as he does, enjoys seeing you act a little crazy for him

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 2/10

it's not a matter of willingness, but a matter of style

he'll murder if he has to, but if he has to then something has gone terribly wrong

Shua would much rather dismantle someone's entire life, ruin their reputation and destroy their relationship with you, than get his hands messy with murder

Jungkook

leans a little manipulative

your Jungkookie has definitely watched you date/hook up with guys who are older than him and is a little a bitter about it

is constantly showing off, trying to impress you, because he's convinced that it's only a matter of time before you notice him

there's no one better for you than him, he's sure of that—he just needs you to see it, too

terrible at hiding how into you he is, but affable and guileless enough that it just gets written off as a super intense puppy-crush

if you don't hurry up and notice him soon, though...

well, he only has so much patience

doesn't try to ask you out on a date or confess his feelings—when he decides it's Time, the only way he knows how to express himself is physically

will attempt to turn into your shadow, if you let him

sends you whispery audio messages of him singing you lullabies and has a stack of songs he's written about you and hidden away since he met you

there's literally hours of footage of you stashed away on his hard drive—it wasn't hard to collect, when everyone knows he's into film making and his camera is practically an extension of himself

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 9/10

his jealousy and impulsiveness make for a dangerous combination

it might take a few years, but it's honestly really only a matter of time before Jungkook snaps

if it's someone he feels like he has to protect you from, he won't see any problem with admitting what he's done to you

but if it's someone he knows you're fond of, someone who's been stealing attention that he deserves

he has enough self-awareness to try to hide what he's done, cleaning up his mess hurriedly and making excuses like a guilty child

Yongsun

deranged, but in a cute way~

the kind who moves your relationship forward by simply acting as if you're intimacy level has upgraded and expecting you to roll with it

Yongsun doesn't mind if you're not always on the same page—she's sure you'll catch up soon enough

after all, the two of you are perfect for each other<3

eager and unsubtle—she jumps on every opportunity to spend time with you, to get close to you, to put her hands all over you

remembers your favorite snacks and drinks and spoils you with them constantly

will try to show off for you—flexing, picking you up and carrying you around, grabbing things out of your hands that are just ~too heavy~ for you to haul around

this girl was making wedding plans from the moment she fixated on you, she's just trying to be patient while you take your time making her your wife

she might lose it a little if you're silly enough to think you want to date other people while she's waiting on you

she'll be able to handle anything except for outright rejection, honestly

how likely she is to murder someone for you: 5/10

it's not her first inclination, but if she needs to, she won't hesitate

anything for her darling~

clever and considerate enough to clean up her own messes, but won't hesitate to admit her indiscretions to you

after all—it's important to her that you know just how much you mean to her!!

Yeonjun

the type who just seems like he's really into you at first

you don't realize just how obsessed he is until you're in too deep

it's starts out as shameless flirting, punctuated by moments of intense emotional vulnerability as things between you grow deeper

your Junnie wants to be a part of every aspect of your life, gets moody and jealous when he can't be

checks up on you constantly when you're out without him

needs your approval and validation always, and tries to get in a truly astounding variety of ways

asks you what color he should dye his hair next, if he looks better in these pants or that skirt, if you've seen the last selfie he posted

uses sex to distract you from problems, or to take back your attention if he thinks someone else is stealing too much of it from him

imagine lots of sly innuendo whispered in your ear, casual groping, maybe even pulling you away for a loud, semi-public quickie

absolutely the type to start trouble with your friends—he's convinced that they all want you, that they're all trying to steal you away from him

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 2/10

Yeonjun's not really inclined towards violence—but the fervor of his feelings for you, combined with his intense irrational jealousy, mean that a crime of passion can't really be ruled out

his victim would probably be someone he thinks is actively trying to tempt you away from him—someone who takes up too much of your time, flirts with you in front of him, someone he's sure is angling to push him out

it's a snap decision, fueled by panic and rage and an adoration for you that thrums through every fiber of his being

it's definitely messy, and agonizingly long—but there's no going back once the decision is made

Soobin

(this is literally just the pervy!Soobin i usually write, honestly)

mostly just a shy, desperate little creep for you

steals/sniffs your underwear, takes creepshots, listens to you peeing through the wall of the bathroom

has enough self-awareness to be disgusted by his own behavior

but not enough self-control to stop it

he just wants you and loves you so much, he can't help but steal any little scrap of you that he can get ahold of

will probably never actually make a move, unless something about you suggests he has a real chance—this one's content to sniff your panties from the sidelines his whole life

probably not a danger to anyone else, and definitely not a danger to you

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 1/10

so unassertive and cowardly, it's very unlikely

but don't worry—it's probably not impossible!!

would probably happen if he was caught out by someone who would expose his behavior to you

Taehyun

another one who's a little scary!

very much like Joshua in that he's the type to play it cool and keep things lowkey

unfortunately ends up playing it so cool that you end up thinking he simply does not like you at all

prone to jealousy and possessive outbursts, though, which get confusing when he's so aloof it borders on rude 90% of the time

what you end up seeing: that temperamental guy in your friend group who just doesn't like you for some reason, and doesn't think anyone should date you :[[

when Taehyun realizes that he's swung too far in the opposite direction, he probably doesn't handle it well

none of his planning factored in the distance he's accidentally created, and it definitely throws him off his game and makes him sloppy

expect a sudden, alarming outpouring of affection as he tries frantically to veer back onto the right path

how likely he is to murder someone for you: 4/10

also like Joshua in that he'd prefer to avoid the messiness of violence, but nowhere near as adept at actually avoiding it

probably snaps in a fit of anger, his jealousy and your obliviousness and someone else's misbehavior all stacking up to tip the scales in the worst possible way

the act itself is sloppy, a sudden, rage-fueled mess of a killing

once Tae comes back to his senses, though, he's meticulous in his clean-up—both when it comes to the physical disposal, and all the careful excuses that have to be made afteward

would probably never admit to you what he's done—it would be embarrassing, confessing that he'd lost control like that

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 324: Is There a Force Field Around Him??

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal was all “please tell Midoriya that I spent a concerningly small amount of money upgrading U.A. into a wacky physics-defying funtime grid so as to make the final battle much more confusing for everyone.” Present Day!Mic (or Present!Mic, if you will) and Jeanist were all “if only somebody could deescalate this dangerously unhinged mob, we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas.” Ochako was all “LISTEN UP PEOPLE.” The mob was all, “god??” Ochako was all, “NO, IT’S ME, OCHAKO. I’M REALLY HIGH UP ON THIS BUILDING AND THE VISIBILITY IS LOW DUE TO THE RAIN, SO I CAN SEE HOW YOU MIGHT MAKE THAT MISTAKE. ANYWAYS, DEKU WAS OUT THERE RISKING HIS LIFE FOR YOU CLOWNS EVEN THOUGH HE’S JUST A KID, SO I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD ALL REMEMBER HOW TO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS, THANKS.” Let’s see if her Big Scolding Energy has any impact.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so I have this speech planned out, and it’s really good, but it also only really needs about 6 to 8 pages, but I’m gonna see if I can stretch it out to 17 pages so I can kill time before we get to the next volume cliffhanger two weeks from now.” Anyway but it really is a good speech though. There are feels, and tears, and more talk about how Deku is so in need of a shower that just looking at him requires a tetanus booster, and more feels, and more tears, and bonus ship drama, and an iconic callback to the very first chapter which reframes the entire series in a new context in a totally epic and moving way, and it’s all very good. Except that Horikoshi is determined to never let anyone actually give this kid a hug. Who hurt you, dude.

omg we are opening on a callback to chapter 212, a.k.a. the chapter with by far the cutest flashback that doesn’t involve any baby Todorokis

baby Ochako is lethally cute. she could literally murder someone with her cuteness. I just want to scoop her up and play airplane with her until she accidentally activates her quirk while we’re spinning around and we both helicopter up into the air never to be seen again

“a child’s insistence” huh well that’s all well and good, but I sure hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to drag out the whole “sternly lecture the obnoxious citizens” plot for another whole chapter. no offense but I think we’re good

so page 2 is just continuing the whole happy/worried faces monologue, which of course is very important to Ochako’s character as it provides the context for why “who protects the heroes” ended up becoming her thing. and this is making me think we actually are in for a whole second chapter of this sob. when will my boy finally get to rest

OH MY GOD SUDDENLY THESE PEOPLE HAVE EYES IMAGINE THAT

HORIKOSHI: [reaches for a box of tissues while tearfully penning an homage to his beloved Spider-Man 2, specifically the train scene where the crowd sees Peter without his mask and they suddenly realize just how young he is]

HORIKOSHI’S HOMAGE SCENE: “COME TO THINK OF IT, I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF MEAN FOR US TO PICK ON THIS TEN YEAR OLD KID WHO WEIGHS 75 POUNDS AND LOOKS LIKE HE LOST A FIGHT WITH SATAN’S MOLDY OLD BASEMENT”

lol at this one guy who can feel the mood of the crowd shifting and is all “WAIT, NO, I WANTED TO KEEP BEING AN ASSHOLE DAMMIT”

as many pointed out last week, this man is wearing an All Might shirt. that’s some fantastic irony there

-- SDKFJWIGKS

“LITTLE GIRL, I HOPE YOU’RE NOT SUGGESTING THAT WE SHOULD ALL BE WALKING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A SOVIET-ERA BUS STOP.” heh. last week I said I was ashamed of BnHA being my favorite manga. that was a lie, actually

(ETA: in the original Japanese Ochako’s next two lines are basically “the only ones covered in mud will be us heroes!” followed by “please give us some time to get rid of the mud”, with that second line basically being the single funniest thing I’ve ever read rdslkjl. Ochako thank you so much for supporting my running gags. “YEAH WE KNOW HE’S DIRTY. WE ARE GONNA TRY AND CLEAN HIM UP, BUT IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, I’M JUST SAYING. I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE AN ASBESTOS COSPLAY.”)

doesn’t the megaphone kind of look ever so slightly like an axe that she’s wielding maniacally here

easy there Lizzie Borden

also that’s a really bold claim to make there. and not one she necessarily should have to make, either. but as we all know, there’s nothing that shounen manga likes more than having its heroes bravely hoist heavy burdens of responsibility like good self-sacrificing citizens

p.s. lowkey loving how Kacchan is positioned here standing slightly behind Deku. not presuming to stand in front of him all overprotectively (because he would hate if anyone ever did that to him), and kind of being unobtrusive and letting others take center stage -- but still being close enough to Deku that he can catch him if he stumbles or passes out again

(ETA: or maybe not lmao.

DEKU: [falls to his knees]

KACCHAN: [glancing up from his phone a few minutes later] “someone just sent me the stupidest meme about milk crates -- oh. uh. you good...?”

really, son. “the burdens you can’t carry, we’ll carry them for you. ...later, I mean. right now it’s late, and we’re all cold and wet.”)

also lowkey loving this OchaTsu moment here

I was going back and binging Ochako chapters this past week for reasons, and I gotta say it really stuck out to me just how often these two are paired with each other. they do everything together. it’s a really sweet friendship that often goes unappreciated but it’s very cute

meanwhile, not to be outdone by the OchaTsu, Iida is staring at Ochako with open admiration talking about how she’s fighting too. it’s been so long since we’ve had any IidaRaka you guys. I was starving and I didn’t even know it

oh my lord IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

THE LIGHT IS BACK. he finally looks like him again. what a cathartic fucking moment omg

ffklkdw

“I KNOW YOU ARE ALL SCARED, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, WE DEFINITELY CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY AND WE ARE ALL SCARED TOO!” good pep talk there kiddo

BUT, jokes aside, truth be told this is the exact right approach to take imo, and something that’s long overdue. I’ve said this before, but this new generation of heroes is shaping up to be much more transparent than the All Might generation. they’re basically abandoning the almighty, untouchable Superman “heroes as gods” concept in favor of the more nuanced “heroes as people” concept instead. and that’s a good thing. seeing their heroes as humans, with human limitations and weaknesses and flaws, will hopefully not only lead to more scrutiny and accountability, but also more awareness of how hard some of them are working and how much they’re sacrificing. that’s something All Might never quite grasped back at the start of the series -- that the weak, vulnerable, injured him could be just as inspiring as the mighty, invincible him -- perhaps even more so. there’s a power in seeing otherwise ordinary people show extraordinary bravery and compassion. it inspires others to try and do the same

SSDLHK AIZAWA SIGHTING AAHHHHHH

so he was still back at the hospital this whole time?? smdh at this disrespect. that feeling when your sexy self-insert character’s powers of rationality are too strong, and so you have to nerf him so that he doesn’t ruin your Deku Angst arc twice over by (1) immediately talking some sense into Deku and making him come home Right This Instant Young Man, and (2) not allowing him to leave U.A. in the first fucking place. excuse me, you want to do WHAT now, Midoriya?? that’s it, go to your room

also living for Katsuki and Hawks’s soft expressions. Shouto’s too, although his is tinier and harder to see. and Jeanist’s 12-foot-long neck. imagine Jeanist’s head with Mic’s hair. maybe Jeanist had a mohawk back in the day and that’s why U.A.’s doors are so big now

speaking of soft faces, Enji’s is also excellent

what could this random close-up possibly imply?? hell if I know. but Horikoshi truly fears no discourse and that’s what I love about him

OMGGGG

“smh my child is so dumb.” poor Ochadad. your child is cute af count your blessings

SDOFFHSMH

I’m telling you guys. lethally, catastrophically cute

this speech is still ongoing lol. Horikoshi you’re doing so good but I think we get the point now my dude. you gotta learn how to transition out of these things

UNEXPECTED TOGA WHAT

“there we go” Horikoshi says, crossing off the last line on his list of Ochako ships. “that’s all of ‘em”

poor Ochako is just repeating the same “LET HIM REST, PLEASE, WITH EVERYONE’S COOPERATION, IF YOU DON’T MIND, WE APPRECIATE IT” talking points over and over again hoping someone will throw her a bone and acknowledge her already. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HER

literally they’re all just staring up at her silently omg. work with me people!!

now she’s saying it for the 56th time but more dramatically all of a sudden

they got so dramatic that for a minute I thought she had suddenly leaped off the building or something

look, not to rush you or anything Horikoshi, but I’m starting to get the feeling that this is yet another one of those “the volume is ending soon so I need to either hurry things up or slow things down in order to make sure we end it on my perfect cliffhanger ending” chapters where you go to ridiculous lengths to drag things out much to the exasperation of your week-to-week readers

(ETA: ftr, volume 31 ended on chapter 306, and I’m predicting that vol. 32 will end with chapter 316 (a.k.a. “you’re next!” [explodes]). I’m guessing vol. 33 will follow suit and likely end on chapter 326, so keep your eyes peeled for a big cliffhanger in two weeks’ time. Deku’s dad?? All Might in peril?? U.A. traitor at long fucking last?? we shall see.)

is Deku straight up falling in love with Ochako right on the spot lol what is happening

I know I just said that I enjoy when Horikoshi gives zero fucks about discourse, but shipping discourse is a whole different beast lol. I hope he’s prepared

(ETA: and for the record, I have no interest in shipping discourse either, as always. and I think this scene can be interpreted as platonic, tbh, with the context being that Ochako was literally introduced as someone who was willing to help him so casually without a second thought, and now here she is saving him again.

I don’t think it really fully hit Deku until this moment how much he needed saving. like I said in another meta somewhere, selflessness is basically just selfishness on behalf of others. and Deku is selfless to a fault, but that’s okay, and it doesn’t mean he needs to change -- he just needs friends who are willing to be be selfish on his behalf in turn. and I think the full emotion of what it means to have friends like that just hit him at last. everything his friends have done for him, how much he needed it and didn’t even realize, and how grateful he is. anyways what a terrible day for rain.)

-- son of a --

is he apologizing?? or pleading?? please tell me that’s not the case, because what the actual fuck. Deku you beautiful precious radiant selfless child, this is the exact opposite of how this should be. all these motherfuckers should be on their knees apologizing to you

DEKU WHY

I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS FREAKING BOMBARDMENT OF EMOTIONS GODDAMIT. OUT HERE ARMED WITH YOUR FREAKING TREBUCHET OF FEELS TO LAUNCH AT ME UNPROVOKED. WHAT’S WITH THAT

FREAKING CHRIST. THIS BOY IS CRYING HIS EYES OUT AND HORIKOSHI IS JUST ZOOMING IN WITH THE CAMERA, LIKE CAN WE JUST CUT HIM A BREAK ALREADY. ENOUGH OF THIS. HE’S SO YOUNG AND HE TRIES SO HARD AND I JUST NEED HIM TO FEEL SAFE, HORIKOSHI PLEASE CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME THAT ALREADY WHAT IS THE FREAKING HOLD UP!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY!!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY PLEASE BE MY HUGGER BY PROXY!! SERIOUSLY GIRL IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR UMBRELLA OVER HIM OR SOMETHING AND DON’T GO THE EXTRA MILE I’M ABOUT TO LODGE AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW

!!!!

A KOUTA IS GOOD TOO!!! oh my god if Kouta hugs him I will seriously 100% straight up cry. go on and test me

FOR THE LOVE OF --

is this man expressly forbidden from drawing hugs in his contract or something. DO YOU DO IT JUST TO SPITE ME?? this is tyranny, sir

AND I KNOW, THIS PAGE ACTUALLY CHALLENGED THE VERY PREMISE OF THE SERIES ITSELF, AND HERE I AM COMPLAINING ABOUT HUGS, OR THE LACK THEREOF. “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes.” and just like that, he waves a polite middle finger at all of the Strongest Greatest Chosen One shounen protags of old, in favor of something much less conventional, much more interesting, and much more suited to Deku’s character. because if that one sentence doesn’t just sum up Deku to a T. he gladly relinquishes his Greatest Hero status in favor of acknowledging the hero in everyone. what a class act. that’s my protagonist

I love this kid so fucking much I swear. only just PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GIVE HIM HIS HUG

[anfie-in-the-box]

Dreamtale_Not_Found

Notes

Remember this thing I wrote out of the blue for Aftermare Week by @bluepalleteuniverse? Well, now the story truly begins!

Warnings: depression; a bit of manipulation, guilt-tripping, and an overall mean attitude of a random villager towards both Nightmare and Dream; not a panic attack, exactly, but definitely something similar.

Do tell me if there's anything I missed!

。。。

A negligible shift

Nightmare is done. He needs a change. Something. Anything. Please.

He sits between the roots of the Tree, hugging himself with both hands, chin on the knees. The position gets awkward, uncomfortable, but he doesn't have it in himself to move. He's drained.

He's fearful, uneasy with the deepest pain that never ends, but he's also empty. That's how it feels, at least. It's a void that nothing can fill, not even anxiety and doubts that have Nightmare in their cruel cold claws. The way misery blooms in the emptiness of his being is so alluring though, so mesmerising. Nightmare lets himself drown in the feeling. Nightmare never fights it, like he never fought the villagers, neither verbally nor physically. He's weak, isn't he?

But he isn’t evil. He's not. Can't be.

Right?

These thoughts break him more than any of the villagers ever could. Nightmare doesn’t know who he is anymore, and that makes it so much more frightening. He can't bear it. He's not brave, and he's not strong.

His hands are trembling. His whole body is trembling, Nightmare notices belatedly. His vision is blurred, too; he's crying again. He can't help it, useless even against his own tears.

Nightmare hugs himself tighter, so tight it almost hurts.

Can it be that the villagers are right? Were right all along?

No, no, no. Please, no. He doesn't want to be evil. He doesn't want to be a freak. It's supposed to count, right? He tries, he really does. It must count.

If only Nightmare could find a way to prove himself. Abruptly, he stops hugging himself, both hands limp by his sides. Does he even deserve this poor attempt of comfort? Is he really what the villagers say, a useless, stupid, good for nothing villain?

No!

The tears keep flowing down his cheekbones. He doesn't hiccup, doesn't sob, doesn't tremble anymore.

He's drained. Done.

He really, really needs to change something. Or something to change — and wouldn't that be perfect?

Too good to be true.

His fingers touch the grass beneath him, and the trunk of the Tree is solid as ever, always there to rely on.

Nightmare tilts his head back. Just then, he sees the apples. Black, but also some golden.

Maybe... Just maybe, but...

He'd need to stay alone for that though. Dream consistently declines any help requests from the villagers, seemingly determined to never leave, but he’s just too kind, there’s bound to be someone he can’t say no to. It’s a matter of time. And waiting is fine by Nightmare, now that he has a plan. He’s not wasting his time anymore; instead, he’s being patient, ready to take the first chance he gets. It’s a smart move. Besides, the reward will be worth it.

Tired, Nightmare wipes the tears with his sleeve and makes himself as comfortable as possible, resting beside the Tree’s rough trunk. If he’s lucky, he’ll even drowse and nap a little.

。。。

Ironically, an opportunity comes up later that day.

Nightmare doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have at some point since some noise wakes him up. When his head gets clearer, Nightmare realises it’s two voices, one his brother’s and the other only distantly familiar. A villager, then.

“Please, don’t talk so loudly,” Dream pleads in a small voice. “Nightmare is sleeping.”

How Dream always manages to be so caring and gentle is beyond Nightmare’s understanding. His little brother doesn’t deserve all that. Luckily, Nightmare knows what to do. Currently, he just has to keep listening intently, and it’ll be better if they think he’s still asleep. So no movement or sound. Nightmare’s good at that, he likes to think.

“Of course that useless garbage is sleeping in the middle of the day. But who cares!” the villager says, clearly irritated. They do lower their voice, though, if only to please Dream a little. “We need your help, and you can’t sit this one out!”

Dream sounds tired and somewhat hurt when he replies, “I’m so sorry if my brother upset you, but please, don’t talk about him that way.” Only when the villager mutters a “Yeah, whatever” that Nightmare barely hears from his position on the other side of the Tree, Dream continues. “Can you tell me what’s so important you think I need to leave the Tree?”

“Took you long enough to ask! Some guardian you are!” the villager huffs. “Just so you know, Ava is so sick she’s dying, it’s getting worse, and we’ve tried everything, but nothing helps! There’s no cure but the golden apples. It’s our last hope.” They insist, not giving Dream a moment to hesitate, “Come on! Do you really want us to lose Ava just because you decided to be stubborn?”

Nightmare tenses. He knows exactly how much of a bleeding heart his brother is. No chance he’s turning this one down; not when it’s a matter of life and death. He’s coming to the aid if only this one time. Meanwhile, Nightmare can set his plan in motion — prove himself worthy and good. Everything’s going to be fine. Everything’s going to get better. Finally.

Despite himself, Nightmare smiles. However, he keeps his sockets shut, just in case Dream decides to check on him before going to the village. He will go, without a doubt.

And indeed, Dream gasps, terrified, “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry to hear it! Of course, I’ll help poor Ava!” Then, there are steps and rustling, quiet huffs, and at last, this specific sound of a fruit being picked from the Tree. Nightmare knows that sound, although he’s never done it himself. Nobody asked for a black apple, after all. Nobody wanted it.

Nobody wanted him.

But now, that’s alright. He’ll just show everyone that he can take care of the golden apples, too. Everyone loves them, and they will love him as well. It’s so easy, Nightmare just cannot fathom how he hadn’t come up with it before.

For a few seconds, there’s a pause.

“What are you waiting for? You got the apple, now let’s go!” the villager hurries. Suddenly, the steps sound much closer to Nightmare, and he’s been ready for that, it’s exactly the reason why he never opened his eyes, then why does he jerk?

Luckily, it doesn’t give his act away. Dream sighs and whispers, ever so softly, “I’ll be right back, brother. Sleep tight.” He goes away and says a bit louder, worry evident in his voice, “Let’s go. I really hope we’ll arrive in time...”

If the villager replies, Nightmare doesn’t hear it. He counts to a hundred five times, just to be sure, and gets up only after that.

This is his chance to make the tables turn.

。。。

For a minute, he simply stands there, looking at the Tree, his chest heavy with anticipation. His gaze is fixed on a single golden apple, the nearest to him. The one he’s going to pick and keep from harm all by himself.

While Nightmare stares at the apple, a strange feeling arises in his entire being. It’s light and unobtrusive, but also comprehensive. He’d try to identify it if he had more time, he thinks. As it is, he can’t quite put a finger on it right away and so just lets it be.

It’s getting late, Nightmare notices. The sky darkens steadily, the sun already gone. Pinks and purples linger on the horizon, and for the first time in a while, Nightmare finds himself appreciating the view. It’s been so long since he last enjoyed... anything, really. Everything except for misery and pain has become dull, faded. Being able to drink in the sight now, suddenly thrilled by that fleeting moment between day and night, relishing in the cool breeze...

Nightmare forces himself to look away. He has a plan to execute, and Dream might come back any minute. His brother is nice, but... he doesn’t understand. He wouldn’t even if Nightmare explained. So he has to do this alone.

Not like it’s the first time anyway.

Deepest sadness and utter hopelessness creep back into Nightmare’s mind and heart, but before they take hold of him, little guardian decisively comes closer to the Tree and reaches for a golden apple, the one he’d chosen before.

A moment stretches to what seems a tiny eternity. That’s what it feels like to Nightmare, who freezes, terrified. His hand trembles. The apple is so close, one slight movement and he’ll have it, feel its surface. Is it warm or cool? Nightmare wonders, distantly. Is it soft or hard?

After a long, long pause — one that lasts barely a minute, Nightmare’s mind knows, but his heart doesn’t believe it, — his hand withdraws. He holds it with his other hand against his chest, aching all of a sudden.

What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he do this? He’s a guardian just like Dream, who’s done this plenty of times! It’s so simple! It should be simple.

But his body refuses to cooperate. He’s shuddering, so anxious and afraid it’s suffocating. No wonder his chest hurts.

Tears prick the corners of Nightmare’s sockets.

Come on! Why can’t he move? Just why?

It’s not fair. This might be his only chance. Dream made an exception today, sure, but it’s not every day someone is on the verge of dying. He’s going to come back, and stay beside the Tree like a good guardian he is, and nothing’s going to change.

Filled with despair and fear, Nightmare tries one last time, putting all effort he can into stretching out his hand.

It doesn’t work. His body doesn’t work, not properly, anyway.

What’s even happening?

Just then, Nightmare hears familiar footsteps from behind. The sound makes something in him snap. The pain in his chest, the tension in his body, the feelings in his heart, and the thoughts in his mind — everything dissipates, leaving him tired and empty.

And — oh.

Nightmare sees now. That light feeling was hope. And it’s gone.

“Nightmare!” Dream calls out, not quite close yet but already explaining himself. “Sorry I left when you were sleeping, I hope you weren’t too worried when you woke up all alone... I didn’t mean to take so long or to take any time at all, but it was urgent and you don’t sleep much, so I...”

Utterly exhausted, Nightmare shrugs his brother off with a quiet “It’s fine” and, when Dream abruptly stops talking, goes away to the other side of the Tree.

Leave it up to him to not do a single thing right.

Of course, it’s all in vain. Pointless and futile.

He’ll just sleep.

。。。

Only that night, Nightmare tosses and turns restlessly.

As energy beings, they don’t exactly need sleep, so for Nightmare, it’s more of a way to escape than anything. Being awake means thinking and feeling, while sleep, although it seems to last just for a moment without dreams Nightmare’s only read about, gifts him a blessing of unconsciousness. When he sleeps, it’s almost like time and space cease to exist.

Almost like he ceases to exist.

It’s sweet and alluring. It’s also terrifying.

But none of this matters anymore, because, after that incident, even light sleep just won’t come. It’s called insomnia, Nightmare thinks.

Something did change after all. For the worse, that is.

It really could have been funny, but after a week of long, long days and nights Nightmare’s forced to spend wallowing in his misery, he can’t find it in himself to laugh.

Tired.

He’s so very tired.

。。。

Credits:

Undertale © Toby Fox

Dreamtale © jokublog

Read English version on ao3

Read Russian version on ficbook or fanficus (to be added)

。。。

Notes

This story is canon compliant, which means Nightmare is six years old at the moment of the (absence of the) Apple incident. But because he never got corrupted, he has a chance to grow up, and that he will do. His meeting with Geno will happen years later, when Nightmare is an adult.

It will become obvious as the story progresses, but I felt the need to clarify right now. Maybe I'll remove this part of the notes later.

Also, since we don't know about Dreamtale as much as I'd like, I'm trying to fill in the gaps. All places and characters mentioned are my version of Dreamtale, except for Dream, Nightmare, Nim/the Tree of Feelings, and Neil. That makes Ava just a random name to make the dialogue feel personal.

Feel free to let me know what you think if you'd like!

。。。

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