#watson thinks he’s the mom friend but he’s just as dumbass

[dathen]

Watson: I’m basically Holmes’ impulse control—

Holmes: Hullo, dear Watson! Would you like to jump out this window with me?

Watson: Absolutely, old fellow!!

[latestageyouth]

When you walk away (nothing more to say)

Chapter 1 - The new kid

Trigger warnings: uhhh selective mutism?, swearing, sympathetic Deceit and Remus

word count: somewhere around 3,000

Author's note: do not hold me responsible for any cringiness, I've written this a long time ago

As soon as the bell rang Roman put his books in the bag and was out the door.

"Remember to submit your essay on Thursday!" Mrs. Harrison said just in time for Roman to hear before he headed to his locker. There, he already saw Patton.

"Hey, Pat! Long time no see!" he waved to his friend and began to unlock his locker.

Patton looked at him with a confused smile, "We talked to each other an hour ago," he put his math textbook into his locker before closing it and hugging Roman.

"An hour too long," the other laughed. Roman opened his eyes to see Logan approaching them, "Hey, specs, finally decided to join us?"

At the mention of Logan, Patton spun around and hugged the other too, "Hey Lo!" Roman could practically see Logan tense under the touch, but he didn't pull back.

"Nice to see you too, Patton," after the said boy freed his from his embrace, Logan adjusted his glasses on his face, "So, shall we go eat? I haven't eaten anything all day, so I would appreciate if we could go to the cafeteria now," the other two nodded and headed down the hallway, Patton scolding Logan about how skipping meals isn't healthy.

The cafeteria food was awful, like always, but Logan didn't seem to mind. Well, not as much as the other two. Roman and Patton didn't get any food, Logan and Patton bickering about hypocrisy and food habits, Roman didn't pay attention, too busy scrolling Instagram to care. What pulled him to reality was an exaggerated cough. The cough also happened to stop Logan and Patton, all of them looking up to the source of the sound.

Patton smiled at the tall stranger in front of them holding a lunch tray, "Can I help you?" the stranger gestured at himself and then at a chair at their table. Patton furrowed his eyebrows, but the smile didn't leave his face, "I'm sorry, I don't understand? Maybe use your words?" the stranger's eyebrows shot up as if he was saying something passive-aggressive, then pointed at himself and then at the chair, but this time more firmly. Patton looked between Roman and Logan, "I am really sorry, I-"

"He's asking if he can sit with you, dumbass," a voice came a few tables from their own. All four of them looked in the direction of the speaker, which the three recognized as Damon, the gossip of the school, "And before you say anything, you can sit with us, people who actually understand that maybe you can't speak," he turned to look at Patton with a plastic smile, which Roman knew he was doing on purpose.

Roman rolled his eyes, "Wow, so thoughtful. Last time I checked, you were the one making bets on which one of the choir will lose their voice first due to the intense training."

"Actually, that was me," said the other man sitting at the table with Damon, smiling like he was proud of himself.

Roman pinched the bridge of his nose, "That's even worse."

The stranger looked between the two tables, before walking over to the one where Damon and the other man sat. Roman scoffed, Logan squinted his eyes at the action, as if questioning the other's sanity, and Patton pouted about losing a potential friend, but soon the three got talking about biology homework that was due today, Roman begging Logan to let him copy it.

While that was happening, the stranger sat down next to the unnamed man, who was now smiling at him, "So why can't you speak?"

"Goddamnit Remus, you can't just ask people why they don't speak. Excuse him, I'm Damon," Damon laid a hand on his chest, "So, you're mute?"

The stranger shook his head.

Damon paused, "So you just don't speak?" the stranger shook his head again and pulled out a pen. He pointed at the notebook that Damon had on the table next to his textbook. Damon slid it to him. The stranger turned to the last page and tore it out as neatly as possible, then began writing on it. After he was done he turned it so the other two could see 'I have selective mutism, do you know what that is?'

"Oh, yeah," Remus exclaimed said, "Isn't that how people have an extreme phobia of speaking in public so much they, like, can't? I think I heard about that."

The unnamed man nodded, then began writing again: 'I can only speak to my uncle. He's a counsellor at this school, do you know him? Also, my name's Virgil'

Damon smirked, "Nice to meet you, Virgil. Yeah, we were both sent to Picani a few times obligatorily, like after Remus got into a fight with a teacher, or after I pierced my tongue in the school bathroom..." and Virgil just wondered what he had got himself into, "Do you call him Picani or Emile?" Virgil raised up two of his fingers, "Emile?" Damon concluded. Virgil nodded.

Remus chuckled, "That's so weird. You two look nothing alike. You don't even have the same eye colour."

Virgil shrugged, writing on the paper once more: 'lmao, yeah, a lot of people tell me that :D'

"I never saw you at the school, did you transfer here?" Damon tilted his head. This sentence took a little longer to write: 'I moved here after my mom lost custody of me (haha finally...) This is actually my first day here. Before, I went to a school in Jacksonville.'

"Oh my god, I've never been there! Is it true that they eat raccoons in there?" Virgil looked at Remus and slowly shook his head. At that, Remus let out a sad sound.

"What about your father?"

Virgil scrunched his shoulders and looked away.

"It's okay," Damon dismissively waved his arm, "I don't know who my dad is, so I understand if you don't wanna talk about him."

Virgil gave him a warm smile and moved his hand to his lips and down and away, and if Damon didn't know any better, he would've thought he was blowing him a kiss. The problem was, Damon didn't know any better. Virgil must've seen the confusion on his and Remus' face, as he wrote down something again: 'That means thank you in asl. Do u know sign language?"

Damon and Remus shook their heads.

'Do you wanna teach it?'

"Hell yeah!" Remus shouted loud enough so that the few tables, including the one with his brother, turned to look at them.

Damon scoffed, "Of course not, why would I wanna add to my list of skills and make it easier for more people to communicate with me? Such a waste of time.."

Virgil smiled at him and let out a chuckle. Damon reached over and took the piece of paper and pen, then began writing on it. Virgil furrowed his eyebrows, which shot up his forehead when he was handed the paper and pen back.

"That's my number," Damon pointed at it.

Virgil flinched when his arm was pulled away, his sleeve being pushed up, only to have a pen pressed to it, "Aaand this is my number" Remus added a heart to it. He also tried to draw a dick on his arm but Virgil yanked his arm away and smudged the drawing out of existence.

Virgil signed 'thanks' again, only this time the couple actually smiled at him.

"We're having a movie night tonight, you wanna come?" Remus supported his head by putting his hand on his cheek, pushing it up slightly, "You gotta walk with us to my house though, gotta get there before they do," Remus looked at the table where Patton was pinching Logan's cheeks while Roman was recording the whole thing with his phone. Virgil contemplated it for a second. On one side, he met these people like 15 minutes ago. On the other side, he really needed to make some friends. Larger groups mean fewer bullies. Virgil nodded, "Great! I can't wait to piss them off!" it didn't sound sarcastic at all.

"What do you have next? Like as a period," Virgil took out his lesson plan, handing it to Damon, "Oh, we have the same class. Ms. Watson is the best teacher ever."

"She's a pain in the ass. A total drag. Everyone on this planet hates her," Remus exaggerated every insult with stabbing the table with the plastic fork, ultimately breaking it.

Damon nodded, "Yeah, basically."

The bell ripped through the cafeteria, some of the students, including Remus, flinching at the sound.

Remus began to walk away, "Well, girls, I'll see you later," he winked at them. Or at least they thought it was a wink, it looked more like a spasm. The two of them walked to the biology classroom together, Damon explaining how Virgil should just lay low and not cause trouble when it comes to Ms. Watson, or she'll blame you for third-degree murder. Virgil wasn't really sure if that was an exaggeration.

The classroom was a mess. Not in a literal sense, the class itself was pretty clean, but people were sitting and laying on tables, some we carving something into the chairs, other's sticking gum to the tables. Only one of the students waited by the door. Oliver, he was told. He watches for when the teacher comes. Speaking of the teacher, Oliver had turned away from the hallway and to his classmates, "She's coming! The fury is coming!"

Immediately, all the pupils were in their seats, no gum being chewed, no chairs being carved. They were all quiet when the teacher came in. She didn't say a word, closing the door after her and going straight to the attendance book. She furrowed her eyebrows after scanning down the page for a while.

"Virgil Blake?"

Virgil stood up, all of the eyes burning into him.

"You're new?" she raised an eyebrow.

Virgil nodded.

She closed the book, nodding slowly, "Do you have all the textbooks?"

Virgil nodded again.

She turned to the blackboard, "So, last week we talked about the cell structure of fungi. Today's lesson we will be..."

Virgil had sat down by that point, trying to focus on the lecture. That plan fell short as something hit the back of his neck, ending up in the hood of his hoodie. He reached behind, looking at the folded paper. He quietly tried to unwrap it, Damon already gaping at it before he even unwrapped it.

It was a drawing, a bad one at that. There was a cow with a plaid skirt and a black denim vest with a popped collar, similar to what Damon wore. There were also yellow circles scribbled over each other, which Virgil assumed was his hair. On the side was written 'COW' in capital letters. Virgil looked at Damon, who had pulled back to his chair and crossed his arms, looking at the floor next to him. Virgil quickly crunched up the paper and put it in his binder, the first thing he could think of to get it out of sight. Then he took a pen in his hand and began to write on his hand, eventually tapping Damon's shoulder and showing him the arm: 'I think you look really cool :)'

Damon chuckled sadly, looking up at Virgil, who smiled back. Damon put a hand to his lips and then away, mimicking the sign Virgil had taught him.

The heartfelt moment was interrupted by the deafening school bell, announcing the lesson was over, "Alright ya' little punks, the lesson is over, get ya' asses outta my classroom."

"Don't have to say that twice," Damon mumbled so quietly that even Virgil had to strain his ears to hear it. He had to resist the urge to burst into a fit of giggles. The rest of the day went as normal as it could, the three of them meeting in the hallway in-between lessons. Finally, the last bell rang and most of the class scrambled for the exit, including Patton and Virgil, who crashed into each other.

"Oh, sorry, didn't see ya there," Patton smiled up at Virgil, who had put his hands into a defensive manner and smiled tensely. Before Patton could say anything, Virgil was already being dragged away by Remus, who rembled about how they're gonna be there second and what not.

"Seriously, Roman is a fucking fast walker, we better hurry the fuck up," Damon had now joined the club, being dagged by Remus out of the building before any of them could protest.

"Oh, Virgil, here you are!" the three looked at the cheery voice, Remus not bothering to stop, so Virgil had to forcefully grab Remus by the back of his leather jacket, ultimately stopping him. His uncle, Emile, looked tensely between the three, "Already making friends I see?" Virgil nodded. He let go of Remus in favour of signing something that was beyond Damon's and Remus' knowledge, but Mr. Picani seemed to understand perfectly, "Why of course, just let me know if you need me to pick you up."

Virgil rolled his eyes and signed something shorter but still complicated. Mr. Picani seemed to tense up, "Are you sure?" he glanced between the two of them, then turned back to Virgil and spoke back, this time using sigh language. Virgil scoffed, signing back in a snappy manner, but then his expression relaxed. Mr. Picani nodded, "Alright then, I trust you. Just be sure to call me if you decide to stay the night," he hugged Virgil, who tried to scramble back and away from his uncle. Finally, Picani pulled back and Virgil stumbled a few steps back. Remus couldn't hold back a giggle. Virgil glared at him in exchange, signing something to Mr. Picani before he went to his car.

The three continued walking to Remus' house, which was not far from the school. Virgil noticed the chimney had smoke in it, smelling sweet. Remus reached under the welcome mat and pulled out a key, unlocking the door, "Ma, I'm home!"

"Hey, Remus, could you be an absolute sweetheart and go to the basement for more flour?" a short plum woman peeked out from the kitchen, "Hey Damon!"

"Hey, Ms. Addington."

Ms. Addington looked over at the other boy, "And who are you?" she smiled in a sweet way that makes teeth rot.

"That's Virgil," Damon gestured to him.

"Nice to meet you, are you new here?"

"He can't speak."

"Oh, my apologies then," she still smiled at him. She reminded him of uncle Emile in a way. She had this calm, cheerful atmosphere around her, he was sure they would get along well.

"Bad news, no flour to be found," Remus came out of the basement.

"Ah, fucking shit, what did I make all this shit for then?" she gestured at something on the counter that Virgil couldn't see. Wow, they would definitely not get along. For fuck's sake, uncle Emile had a swear jar.

"The hell do I know, you always try to be innovative," Remus answered, clearly unphased. He moved over to the living room, opening the tv stand where a bunch of DVDs were stacked on each other, "Alrighty, ladies, the selection for this movie night is: Nightmare on the elm street, The Black Cauldron, The Purge 2 ooooor," he reached into the back, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Damon plopped down onto the couch, "Purge 2, a classic."

Virgil was sitting on the other side, nodding his head in agreement.

Remus opened the DVD player, "Chainsaw massacre it is then,"

"Hell no! We watched that last time and I fucking threw up! I am not doing that again!" Damon seemed livid, and Virgil kicked Remus in the back to state his disagreement.

"Fine, fine, Purge 2, but first, popcorn," Remus got up and went to the kitchen, then Damon walked upstairs to get blankets. So Vigil waited, looking over the DVD collection they had. There were all kinds of movies, from Sleeping Beauty to The Godfather, it really was quite a lot. Virgil heard the door open, looking at the figures stepping in.

"And then I was like, 'You really are', and then she-Hey, what the hell are you doing here?!" Roman looked panicked for a brief second before Remus ran into the living room loudly announcing that the popcorn is done, and Damon went down with 3 tons worth of blankets on his back. They had all settled down on the couch, Remus laying across both of their laps with his face in his hands.

"We're watching The Puuuurge tonight!" he said in a sing-songy voice.

Roman scoffed, "No, we're not! We're watching Lion King!"

"Mom! Roman is trying to establish dominance over the DVDs again!"

A quiet sigh could be heard from the kitchen, "For the last time, Remus, I don't even know what that means. Roman, Remus was here first, and you already had a movie night yesterday, let him have it."

Virgil never thought he would see someone look so betrayed, "But-" Ms. Addington walked into the living room, tsk-ing Roman.

"You forced us to watch Bambi three movie nights in a row, we're going to watch The Purge. You and your friends can go upstairs like Remus did if you don't like it," she waved stirring spoon in front of his face like a knife.

Finally, Roman gave in, as he sat down onto the floor and crossed his arms and legs. Logan did too, but Patton said he'd rather not watch it and went home.

It was about halfway through the movie that Roman went to his room because he was tired. Then, Ms. Addington, Natalie, as Virgil had learned, fell asleep in her chair. Next was Logan to go, who got too tired from analyzing all the inconsistencies and bickering with Remus. Now, it was only the three that remained, Remus usually shouting words of encouragement for the killers or telling the other two better and more effective methods of killing someone. He was splayed over Damons and Virgil's legs, lying on his stomach. He eventually went out too, snoring slightly and drooling on Virgil's pants, which he found both disgusting and incredibly funny. Damon and Virgil sat in silence, eating what was left of the popcorn. Damon didn't last until the credits. He didn't get to see that the main character didn't actually kill the guy he was after, which Virgil thought was a shame. So there he was, surrounded by a pile of sleeping bodies and it was getting close to midnight. He tried to reach for his phone, but as it was in his back pocket, it was no use. He finally fell asleep at 1 am, shortly after Damon shifted in his sleep and collapsed against him, leaving Virgil with no chance to move.

[mintea-in-space]

Tar In His Veins Chapter 5

God it was dark. Why was it so dark? Lydia strained her eyes, struggling to see in the pitch black.

It reminded her of the Netherworld.

Too much.

She heard more than felt her boots hitting the floor, arms pumping.

Running.

Somewhere.

Anywhere but here.

She knew tears were streaming down her face, as she ran blindly in the dark. But where could she go? Her dad wasn’t here, and her mom was gone.

No one could save her this time.

A pin prick of light snatched her attention.

There! A person! Maybe? No, for sure!

She ran faster, breaths coming out in huffs, combat boots thumping with every step.

She almost sobbed when she saw stripes.

It was him, he was here! In the light! She locked her gaze to his striped back.

Just get to your demon, then you can figure out how to leave this awful place. Just get to Beej-

She stopped when he slowly turned.

He wasn’t right.

His eyes were swimming voids of green, hair white, face blank.

Empty.

Lydia’s heart dropped to her boots.

She took a step back.

And he took one forward.

“Beej? Beej what’s going on?”

She whispered.

No answer. Just that blank stare.

“Okay Beej that’s enough! You’re kinda freaking me out here! And not in the good way!”

Another step forward.

Another step back. She shuffled back until she felt her back hit an invisible wall. Her ears were ringing. And it smelled.

It smelled like death.

He just kept walking. Black beaded at Beetlejuice’s tear ducts, and suddenly it overflowed. It dripped, black ooze, welling in his eyes. It streaked down his cheeks, smearing dirt and grime and makeup on his face.

Lydia felt her breath catch in her throat. Frozen with fear, while the shell of her best friend shuffled closer.

“Beej please.”

It came out in a whisper.

Tears fell down her own cheeks, fear twisting with confusion.

Beetlejuice shuddered to a halt.

Opening his mouth, black dripped from his maw, sliding down his chin.

And then it was a stream, then bigger, until it poured out of him. It just wouldn’t stop. It pooled around her feet, and she felt it rise.

No.

No no no nonononononNONONONONONO!

She was going to drown. The viscous liquid was at her knees now. And still he stared.

It just kept coming. And she was trapped.

It was at her waist now, clinging to her skirt and legs, thick, like ink.

Or blood.

She finally turned and slammed her fist against the invisible walls around her, crying, screaming.

She was up to her arm pits, the blood trapping her arms under it, she couldn’t move, it was everywhere, and just before she went under, she saw his face twist into fear.

He gargled the words.

“I’m sorry Lydia.”

And she sucked in a lungful of black.

She woke up screaming, flailing around, eyes wild in her head. Beetlejuice, who had phased through the floor as soon as he heard screaming, almost got a punch to the face.

“Whoa kid! Kid what’s wrong?! What happened?!”

Grabbing her wrists, he gently rubbed the back of her hands. Beej hoped she couldn’t tell he was shaking.

The Maitlands had brought him up to the attic. They showed him to a couch they had placed in the corner, and gave him several blankets, most of which he was sure one of them made. They let him get settled, arranging the blankets to form a nest of sorts, before he smiled. His hair was dusty pink on the tips, just barely there, but Barbara caught it. They smiled at him, before whispering that they were right across the hall, and that their door was always open. He tried not to get his hopes up, but it was hard. The two were so kind, and vibrant.

Beetlejuice didn’t know the dead could look so bright.

So he did his best to sleep.

It wasn’t easy.

The Netherworld didn’t exactly have a lot of warm beds and safe feelings.

No, you always felt the nagging feeling you were lost, that something was wrong. And he sure as hell never slept with his mother around.

“Demons don’t need sleep you worthless excuse of a man!”

Juno’s voice still echoed in his mind.

Shuddering, he snuggled further into his nest.

“Just close your eyes Beej,” he mumbled. “Just close your eyes and relax. It’s warm, you’re safe, everything is-“

The first high pitched whine hit his ears. Startled, Beetlejuice whipped off the blanket covering his head, looking around.

That came from downstairs.

Ears twitching, he sat up further, straining to hear another sound.

The moan shot through him like a bullet, and just like that he phased out of the nest and straight through the floor.

Lydia was still on the couch. Charles hadn’t wanted to risk moving her and waking her up, so he had simply draped a quilt over her and let her sleep.

But her face was twisted. She let out short breaths, hands and legs twitching in her sleep. She let out little mumbles, and he couldn’t make out many words. Just a few ‘no’s’ and ‘please’s’.

Beetlejuice did the only thing he could think of.

He knelt by the couch, and waited.

He knew what night terrors are. It’s hard not to, living with Juno. But he knew that usually, it could be bad, even dangerous to try and wake someone up during one. So he just put a hand on her arm and waited.

It was torture.

He couldn’t do anything, even when Lydia’s eyes rolled behind her lids, when the little mumbles became words, then shouts. And the thrashing. Hair white, hands shaking, he just tried to hold her through it. And when she finally woke up he could have sobbed.

“Whoa kid! Kid what’s wrong?! What happened?!”

Lydia ripped herself from him. His hair was the same as before, a stark white. She trembled.

Confused, and hurt, Beej pulled away, sickly yellow creeping into his hair. Shit he messed up this time. He should go. They wanted him to stay until Lydia woke up except now she was scared of him.

Lydia Deetz.

Scared.

Of him.

He curled on himself, or at least he tried to, thoughts forming a blizzard in his head. But Lydia launched herself off the couch and into his arms. She was shaking.

He gingerly put his arms around her, and when she didn’t pull away, he tightened his grip on her shirt.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

It was muffled, face pressed into his shirt. Puzzled, the demon shook his head.

“I’m sorry, you’re sorry? I clearly did something! Lyds you’re shaking. I know night terrors can be a bitch, trust me I’ve been there, but I’m the one who should be sorry! God you were scared of me! You’ve never been scared of me! I-“

Lifting her head she glared at him, effectively shutting him up. With a sigh, she pulled away, wiping her face of tears.

“It wasn’t you Beej. It was just... never mind.”

Oh no, that wouldn’t do. Beetlejuice, master of communication, can’t let that one go!

“No tell me. I wanna know. Is it a person? Someone I can kill? Or scare at least? Come on kid just point me in the right direction and they’ll wish they were never born!”

Lydia snorted.

“No Beej it isn’t a person. Really, it’s fine, been having these stupid nightmares for weeks.”

He furrowed his brows. A third arm sprouted from his back to scratch his chin, pretending to be deep in thought.

“Hmmmm, that’s miiiighty suspicious Watson. Don’t think I can let you off that easy.”

He smiled at the giggle he got, then frowned when she looked away.

He waited, letting her make the first move. He knew how to read his best friend, and he knew it would eat at her from the inside if she didn’t talk about it, so he waited.

Picking at the hem of her skirt, Lydia kept her eyes glued to her lap.

“It was the Netherworld.”

Oh.

Oh.

“I was just, running. And it was empty,” her hands fisted in her skirt. “Until you showed up. But it wasn’t you. It was wrong. And shit Beej all this black came out of your mouth and then I was drowning and-“

Beetlejuice snatched her, gripping her tightly. He really was a fuck up. Fuck... Fuck!! He always did this!! He didn’t even know how he showed up here, it was a miracle, but he just, messed up this kid, this perfectly strange and unusual normal kid. Fuck he-

“Beej I can’t breathe.”

He loosened his grip and buried his nose in her hair.

She smelled like flowers. Funeral flowers. He took a moment to just, feel her there. Hold her and keep her safe. His bffff forever, his little scarecrow.

Finally he sighed, and let her wiggle out of his arms.

“Beej you’re turning blue bud.”

His hand flew to his hair, before he gave her a look.

“Did you just call me bud?!”

She laughed.

“Maybe, what are you gonna do about it, friendo?”

“Oh my god you sound like Adam.”

“Shut up!” She playfully shoved an elbow in his side, grinning when he groaned and fell over.

“Oh god. You killed me. Holy shit. I’m gonna die now. Look at me Lyds, I’m actually dying.”

Giggling, Lydia nudged him with her foot.

“Dead people don’t talk dumbass.”

Gasping with fake offense, Beej dramatically draped himself across the floor.

“I can’t believe it, I trusted you! And now, I die!”

And he finished with a loud “bleerrghfh” before sticking his tongue out. Lydia flicked his forehead.

“End scene genius.”

With a poof of green smoke, he was standing, bowing deeply with a bouquet of frankly horribly ugly flowers while she clapped. Beetlejuice dropped back down to the floor, smiling.

“Glad you’re okay Lyds.”

She mock gagged.

“Ugh don’t you get mushy on me. Gross.”

Giggling, the two bantered for a while, just sitting on the floor. Beetlejuice was happy, he got to see her again, and she was happy, not all that panicked crying and screaming before.

He tried to bury the nagging voice in his head, telling him it wouldn’t last, they’d kick him out eventually, they’ll get sick of you Lawrence. Nobody loves you Lawrence.

And he just flipped off the voice that sounded like his mom. Because Lydia was warm and laughing at his jokes, and he could see that spark in her eye that he missed. And she got him.

Arguing with him was easy. Lydia knew he could read her like an open book, and she could do the same to him. He was like a brother, or weird uncle. Brunkle? Oh god he would love that.

The demon in question looked at her when she had gone silent in thought, head just barely tilted. Beetlejuice cocked his own, tapping her feet.

“Okay spill, whatcha plotting?”

“I was thinking about how you’re like a brother, or an uncle,” she snorted. “And then I thought of Brunkle and I realized you’d love that.”

Looking at him, his eyes were shining. And knowing him, they were literally shining. He beamed, and Lydia braced herself. He wrapped his arms around her, more times than humanly possible, and cooed.

“Awwww! You do care about me! I’m a brunkle!! Oh man, look at me now ma!! I can’t believe it this is such an honor!”

A large obnoxious trophy materialized in his hands. Beej dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief pulled from nowhere, and blew his nose like a trumpet.

“You know? This really is the best day of my life! Being promoted is such an amazing feeling! Oh Lydia how can I ever thank you?!”

Laughing, she punched his arm.

“Shut up nerd!”

“No you shut up!”

“Nu-uh! I said it first!”

“I said it second!”

And the two bickered. Adam walked sleepily down the stairs to find the two of them still on the floor of the living room, sun just barely peeking through the curtains. He watched for a few moments, smiling.

They went back and forth, flicking foreheads, elbowing sides, giggling about something or other.

Adam felt his heart swell with affection, and it took him by surprise. Watching them, watching how Beetlejuice was with Lydia, really cemented what he thought of him.

That demon had a heart of gold, and he was going to find a way to polish it until it shone.

Wait that didn’t make sense. Or did it? Hm. He wasn’t sure, but he knew what he meant and that’s what mattered.

Smiling, Adam quietly made his way back upstairs, letting the two talk. He knew once Delia was up it would be time for breakfast, and he wanted to give them some alone time. He gently ushered Barb back up the stairs and into their bedroom, carefully closing the door behind them.

[filmreviews]

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) dir. Jon Watts Pretty good movie, very weak adaptation. It is definitely the best Spider-Man movie since Spider-Man 2, but it’s nowhere near as good as Spider-Man 2. I know people complained, but Uncle Ben not being present and not even being mentioned by name undermines Peter Parker as a character. Aunt May (Marisa Tomei) being younger while making sense from a logical standpoint undermines Peter Parker as a character. Peter does a lot of risky shit in the movie, and why? To prove his worth to Tony Stark while simultaneously dodging Tony Stark? It doesn’t make any sense. Peter didn’t even seem that close to Aunt May this time around, and he’s meant to be extremely close to her. Aunt May is supposed to keep Peter Parker grounded. She’s the only real family he has left, she’s basically his mom, if you’re a fan of Mark Millar she is his mom. She’s lost her husband. She’s old and can’t work. She needs Peter and he needs her. That’s supposed to be their relationship, Homecoming turned her into the cool hot aunt. Adaptations adapt, change is necessary and expected, but changes should be to expand on a concept and not change it completely without providing an alternative. Want to make Aunt May younger? Cool, but give her a disorder, make her handicapped, something so she can still serve her function as a character. 

Again, he may have been the smartest, but making Midtown a private science-oriented high school undermines Peter as a character. He’s less impressive, he’s less of an outcast, and that’s what Peter truly is. Not an everyman character, but an outcast. 

Liz Allan (Laura Harrier) was boring and underwritten. Ned was horrible. God, I fucking hated Ned. I’m still trying to figure out if I disliked him or if I just disliked Peter having a close friend, probably both. His only purpose was to be the funny fat friend and sometimes help Peter get out of sticky (no pun intended) situations. Michelle (Zendaya), I don’t even know what they were going for with Michelle. She was awkward, apathetic, and kept bringing up social justice, and of course at the end she revealed herself to be “MJ” which was abhorrent. Mary Jane Watson is a great character, and just because she was annoying and ugly in the Raimi movies, they’ll never try a proper version of her again? Everybody would like her if it were done right. Everything about Michelle screamed Gwen Stacey and it’s almost a complete departure from how she was portrayed in the Webb series with Emma Stone. It would’ve been a great adaptation of Gwen Stacey and those dumbasses decided to instead throw Mary Jane Watson under the bus yet again, great job. Flash Thompson (Tony Revelori) was fantastic. The original Flash Thompson was an asshole that would just hurl insults at Peter Parker, he wasn’t a physical bully. The only thing I didn’t like was that Flash was constantly ragged on by the other Decathlon kids, it made his mocking less effective.

Finally, The Vulture (Michael Keaton). Great costume. I’m not gonna say he didn’t have enough screentime, but I wish had more real personal character moments with him. Michael Keaton was great, but The Vulture is probably my biggest problem with the movie. Like, that nigga was not evil. He killed people and he did illegal shit, but I legitimately don’t think he did anything wrong. He was more Robin Hood than Darth Vader. Peter makes such a big deal about going after The Vulture in the movie, even leaving Liz at prom to pursue him (also, Liz Allan was a senior and Peter was 15? Why did no one think that was weird? How was that even allowed? At my prom you couldn’t bring anyone more than a year younger than you. If they had sex Liz would be a rapist, and she looked interested. Thank you Jon Watts for giving us borderline rapist Liz Allan), and it’s just like, why does it matter? Why the fuck should Peter Parker care about The Vulture? Peter Parker, a character who’s supposed to be poor and is supposed to have a hard time with money, is now dedicated to taking down a working class man? For what? Talk about not understanding your characters. And it’s not like The Vulture was screwing over real actual innocent people, he was fucking with a billionaire who could afford to lose a few things. Tony Stark screwed Adrian and friends out of work, and they were screwing back, it’s only fair. 

What else? What else? No spider sense, that was shit. Tony’s super technological suit was shit.The soundtrack was shit. I can’t really judge Tom Holland’s performance as Peter Parker because he wasn’t playing Peter Parker. Tom Holland has a baby voice, which would be fine if he were actually 15 in real life, but he’s a grown man who’s voice probably isn’t going to change as Peter ages. Donald Glover can’t act for shit. He had one big scene in the movie and it was insufferable. Good lord, fuck Donald Glover, and fuck his cameo as Miles’s uncle. Miles Morales is so fucking boring. 

[teenmomwatcher]

Opinions on 9/18/17 episode

Jenelle "Jace doesnt need me" "im not his mom"? What the actual fuck?? Be civil w your fucken mom and then maybe you can still be his mom you ungrateful sack of shit 😡 smoke weed when i was 16 🤣 does she still think she is 16? david stfu and jenelle stfu she cries and you dont care! Why should she?? "I was expecting to get what i want cos what are consequences" dumbass. Deal w YOUR anger outbursts! How is she supposed to help when she cant even deal!! What about the kid YOU do have?? Kaiser? Barbara is so sweet to break the news that way! Talk about one of one! He does not seem happy about those two weeks w jenelle. I fee bad for Jace so bad! He is probably wondering where his dad is and if life w him would be better/easier? I hope his future is great Chelsea aw Watson has a cousin his age?? Cole's twin, man!! Also why did Aubree spend the night w Randy? So chelsea can play house w Cole and their son? adam's mom should make adam wake the fuck up and do shit w Aubree 😡 i hate mom's who still baby their deadbeat son's. I will never get it. I know if my son is like that i would beat him outta of this house if he doesnt like it. Aubree about Cole! Omg im crying 😭 Briana Training? What does luis do? And thats why he isnt in Stella's life right now? Oh trucking? But he moved "closer" to her w no job? Im confused. So he's a deadbeat? Lol Nova is so sweet! She doesnt want her dad to go. Does devoin's fam not care or he doesnt tell them? Lol at her mom. Omg Nova crying. She's so sweeeet! She's so shy and nervous. I know she's gonna be the greatest human ever! Her smile omg! Cute! Leah Lol the girls on tinder? 🤣 cant find a man? Have your kids pick it. Lol her date looks like Corey and Jeremy, she definitely has a type! Lol Addie is so cute! "Go and get a boyfriend". He even has the hat like them!! Fish and hunt? Medium rare Steak and beer? Sounds like her type. Sucks she had to start the convo but maybe he was shy? Dude she wanted some potatoes! Share! I dont like him lol. Wth that guy is weird af! Lol "i forgot to ask you" Kail Ugh her segments. I just seeing Jo! Jo warns her and tells him to just do it but when Javi did it "behind her back" she goes ape shit?!! Selfish bitch!! I just cant w her. She is never happy unless it all goes her way! She needs her tubes tide if she cant play fair! He didnt wanna tell her why. He has said why on the show lol. They just want it in writing. Geez she doesnt watch the show then? "Where you gonna go" well she is planning on moving so there, years down the road or now, he wants to be assured! Kail has so many friends, is she ever alone. "Idk he never comes" does Jo even like sports? Theyre only in sports cos Javi, no?

[mediocrewritingsofacrazycanadian]

Eliskath Khvaith

Full Name: Eliskath Athya Khvaith (Elis-cath Ath-yuh Kah-vay-th)

Nickname(s): Liska, Stitch, Flintlock Fury 

Age: Roughly 80 (equal to about 26-ish)

Race: Fury

Height: 6″

Eye Color: Deep indigo with a ring of silver around the pupil

Hair: Super short pixie (think Emma Watson when she cut her hair off), so black it looks almost blue

Abilities/Powers: Fury Rage (rage state makes her stronger...and scarier), can withstand pretty much any temperature (cold or hot), can sense the evil in people, withering glare (think ghost rider peneance stare but like cooler cause I say so, if she does it and you’re guilty of shit it hurts you, she usually only uses it on people who hurt animals), looking super cool

Weapons: Pistols, rapiers, cane

Job: Interrogator/Dumbass child

Personality: Loud (does not understand how to whisper), pyromaniac (do not leave her alone with matches), fiercely protective of animals (like if you hurt an animal around her you will be either dismembered or dead. Still eats meat though...nobody understands but whatever), completely loyal to those she calls friends and will happily kill for them, reckless and impulsive as hell (first one to get drunk and do crazy shit honestly), super competitive (Her and Avala get into things like push-up contests all the damn time), loves cookies (and anything chocolate), loves to dance, loves brawling so much (Is the person who yells “fight me!” at every and anyone for no good reason most of the time) and is always injured in some way because of this (hence the nickname “Stitch”), loves drinking and singing while drunk, obsessively cleans and cares for her weapons and talks to them like they’re people (all her weapons have names and as a joke another crew member made her a tiny bed for her favorite pistol and she tucks it in ever night like a doofus), loves animals but is incapable of caring for them (the closest she gets to a pet is Olin, the lizard guy on board who hangs out in the forge area cause he likes napping next to the warmth), loves her chubby badass self,   

Physical Description: Tol child, does not look as buff as she actually is due to body type (she has a chubby outer layer covering a totally solid buff under layer of muscle) so she looks soft until you hit her and then you die, short hair usually messy because according to her “brushing short hair is just stupid, it’s designed to be the lowest of low maintenance losers, just wake up and go.”, surprisingly dainty hands with chipped multicolored nail polish cause Avala paints her nails whatever color she wants and Liska just goes with it, likes loose fitting flowy shirts or tight crop tops and either tight pants or kilts with no in-between and she gives pretty much zero cares to color (She does like blue though), likes big boots, has so many scars everywhere from being dumb and fighting everything, has a particularly large scar across the right side of her forehead from attempting to headbutt something that had horns (the crew guesses a goat), wears her holsters everywhere and owns so many different kinds of holsters (belt holsters, shoulder holsters, side holsters, boot holsters, everything holsters), wears fingerless gloves all the damn time.

Backstory:

Liska was born into the “Women Of Limbo” fury clan and more specifically to Fury Queen Lyth Venia Khvaith (Lith Veen-neeah Kah-vay-th). Liska’s home was in the Traur (Trawr) Hollows (cave system, think dwarves in the Hobbit) set in the Windless mountains. Liska, like most furies, was raised by her entire clan, so picture having like thirty moms/aunts/sisters/grandmas all at once and you’ve pictured it properly. From a very early ago Liska discovered that her favorite things in life were as follows: 1.taking care of and loving animals 2.fighting everything 3.causing trouble and watching the chaos and 4.setting shit on fire, these were her favorite pastimes. She was born to be a badass warrior who punished the wicked and fought for justice but honestly she mostly just wanted to take care of animals and beat things up for fun, her entire motto was just “Kill assholes, save animals, family before anyone else” which some of the other furies didn’t exactly like which is why at seventy (or 20-something) she decided to strike out on her own and go explore the world and pet cool new animals. Her clan made her promise to write to them and told her that they still loved her even if she wasn’t what they thought a fury should be, they kind of accepted her weirdness and told her to have fun and to remember that she’d always have a home with them. She toured around the western continent for a few years where she met a fantastic gunsmith who introduced her to fire arms and she fell in love with them and their mechanics and vowed to learn everything she could about how to use and make them properly because with Liska it’s either zero or a hundred because she’s a decisive person most of the time. She met Glory and crew by seeing them kicking the shit out of some smugglers at the docks in the town she was staying in at the moment and she proceeded to join in because fuck anyone who hurts animals, and when the fight was over she offered to buy the whole weird looking crew a round at the Blind Bastard pub. Over many more drinks and a lot of laughter Liska was invited to join the crew and the next thing she knew she was waking up face down on the deck with a mohawked lizard guy standing over her and asking her if she was okay. Eventually she picked up the name “Flintlock Fury” for obvious reasons, she uses pistols and she’s a fury, she’s mainly mad that her name is so simple and boring compared to some of the crew members nicknames. 

[latestageyouth]

When you walk away (Nothing more to say)

chapter 5 - the inbetween lunch and dinner club

trigger warnings: sympathetic Remus and Deceit, detention, underage smoking, slight unsympathetic Patton, swearing, one mention of killing someone, a character stabbed another one in a hand with a pencil in the past (let me know if I missed something)

summary: Detention time, fellas

author’s note: hahaha i fricking hate this chapter what was i thinking?

"What do you mean you have detention?!" Avery shouted into the phone.

Damon rolled his eyes, already frustrated enough from school and Logan but not enough to raise his voice, "I mean I have detention. Like, for the whole week. Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"Damon Horace Barnes, if you ever pull a stunt like that again-"

"I get it, I get it, I told you I'm sorry..." Damon glanced at the clock, "Look, I, uh, I have to go, I'll be late."

Avery sighed, "Fine...I love you though, you know that?"

Damon smiled softly, "Yes, A, I do know that. Bye,"

"Take care, you dumbass," Avery hung up. Damon put the phone back into his vest pocket and walked to the library, where detention was usually held. Thankfully, Ms. Watson wasn't there yet. Everyone's eyes stared at him as he entered, and he noticed some familiar faces, like Jenna or Remus, even Tyler was there, just the usual. He went to sit with Remus as he always did when he had detention, as Remus was almost always there. Remus threw an arm over his shoulder before he even sat down.

Damon looked him up and down, "So what was it this time?"

"Ah, you know, put a dead rat in Ty's locker."

"...I am not surprised. Did you even wash your hands after that?" He suspiciously eyed the hand thrown over his shoulder.

"No, why?" At these words, Damon slapped the hand away, rolling his eyes when Remus laughed.

"Disgusting, why am I friends with you?" Damon swept his shoulder. Remus leaned on him and put a head on his other shoulder.

"Aww, come on, Dee, you know you love me!"

Damon stared at him for a few seconds, before turning around to face Jenna and Tyler, an over-exaggerated smile on his face, "So, what are you two here for?"

"I stabbed him with a pencil, like, a few days ago," Jenna pointed at her twin's hand, which Damon noticed was bandaged.

"I cut her hair off with scissors, " Tyler gestured vaguely at Jenna, her pastel blue hair no longer being in their regular braids, it was too short to be even if Jenna tried.

"Before or after?"

"During," they said in unison. Before Damon could ask anything else, Ms. Watson walked in, making everyone stop whatever they were doing and look at her. She looked over all the tables, squinting her eyes.

"The usual, I see," She looked at the names list on the paper, then back at the bunch, "Where is-"

The door opened once more, revealing someone they never thought would get detention. Damon groaned and slammed his head on the table.

"Care to join us, Mr. Marley?" Ms. Watson spat bitterly.

Patton giggled nervously, "So sorry, Ms. I lost track of the time," he went to take a seat in the left front row.

Ms. Watson gave him a scowl, "I'll let you pass since it's your first. Now," she turned to the rest, "I am sure you know what you're here for, but I don't, so how about you write it down for me?" she put a stack of lined papers in front of Patton, "Pass it around. I have papers to grade, also very precise hearing, so shut the hell up and do your work, ya punks," she walked out of the library and left the door open.

"How is she still a teacher?" Jenna squinted her eyes and passed around the papers, taking one for herself.

Damon took the last two papers and passed one to Remus, "Are we actually gonna do this?"

Remus looked at him and shrugged, "Hmm, meh. Instead," he leaned in closer, just as Jenna and Tyler took their chairs and put them to their table, "How about we talk about the fact that Mister Pure Puffball is here? In detention? What the fuck did he do get detention?"

Tyler snorted, "Bet he forgot to do homework or some shit like that."

Jenna leaned on her elbow, "Or maybe...something more?" she smirked smugly. They all looked at Patton, who was writing with a blue pen with hearts on it, "We need to get that paper."

Damon huffed, "So what, we just walk up to him and take it?"

"Why not?"

"Because, Remus!" Jenna looked at the man in question, "He will tell the old hag, he's a teacher's pet."

Damon chuckled, "I mean, where's the lie, but exactly, he's a teacher's pet, what would a suck up like him do to get detention?"

Remus furrowed his eyebrows slightly, "I can think of a few things..." Damon looked at him, silent for a few seconds, before shanking it off. Remus groaned, "Screw this, everything is boring, I'm texting V," he pulled out his phone, paying no attention to the people around. Jenna and Tyler squinted their eyes at the action.

"...Right, so, I suggest we just wait for him to leave and take it, it's easy like that."

Jenna rolled her eyes, "And where do you think he will go, you idiot?"

Tyler looked back at her, "I dunno, to a bathroom, to the teach..." he waved his hand around. Damon leaned into the hand supporting his head.

"Bold of you to assume Watson will let him leave the room."

"I mean, he's a bootlicker, he'll get what he wants."

Damon raised his eyebrows, but couldn't help but nod. Jenna leaned in her chair, staring at the ceiling lights, silent as well. Meanwhile, Tyler went on and talked to someone in front of him that Damon didn't recognize. After a few minutes, Damon was so overcome with boredom the only thing he could do is reach into his bag and pull out a cigarette pack along with his yellow lighter. It didn't attract much attention until Remus noticed him.

"Yo, sharing is caring," he held out his hand. Damon rolled his eyes and gave Remus a cigarette. Remus already had a lighter himself.

Jenna coughed loudly to get Damon's attention, batting her lashes at him in an innocent manner.

"I am not giving you one," he said, but despite that, Jenna took one herself and thanked him anyway. He held up the lighter to the cigarette in Jenna's mouth, then lit his own.

"You can't smoke, let alone in school! What if the teacher sees you!"

The three looked at the one who dared to speak, meeting eye to eye with Patton. Remus snorted, "Like you aren't gonna tell her anyway."

Patton gripped his pen tighter, "I wouldn't tell her if you put it out now," he put on a smile that Damon and Remus could tell was obviously fake. Damon swore he heard someone whisper to get the popcorn and another snicker in return, but he paid it no mind, instead, he inhaled the smoke, before walking a few steps from his table and blowing it in Patton's face. Jenna giggled. Patton stood up, making Damon take a step back before remembering they had an audience, "That's it, I am telling Ms. Watson."

Everyone in the library silently watched as Patton made his way through the door, before exploding into muffled giggles and snickering that only increased when they heard the distant yelling of Ms. Watson. Then they heard heavy footsteps. The three immediately hid their cigarettes, Damon stepping on it while Remus and Jenna threw it out the window. Ms. Watson came as soon as they did. She looked over the kids, looking as innocent as a group of kids in detention could.

She turned back to Patton, "Now, I ain't seein' any smokes here, Marley, don't bother me with nonsense," she began walking back to her office.

"But Ms!" he turned to look at the three and rolled his eyes, "Whatever, at least you stopped smoking."

"Who said we stopped?" said Damon, already pulling out another three cigarettes, a smirk forming on his face as Patton groaned.

Tyler turned to look at Damon, Jenna and Remus, "So while you were all busy ruining your lungs, I goooot..." he browsed his phone, then turned it to face the three, "this."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Expected," he whined, "He was always too chickenshit to do anything."

There, on the phone, was a photo of Patton's paper, which simply read: "I forgot my homework all week."

Jenna groaned, "Honestly, fellas, what did we even expect?" never bothered to answer the rhetorical question, "So, what now? Do we just, like, write the stuff?"

"How about we just skip the rest of the detention? I mean, surely Sanders doesn't have the guts to suspend us."

Remus shook his head sadly, "Can't, I promised Virgil I'll hang out with him this weekend and if I skip I'll have weekend detention."

"Who's Virgil?" Tyler asked and gave Remus a puzzled look, "Is he your boyfriend or something?"

And Remus didn't know whether he should've burst into laughter or blush like hell, using all his will to look unfazed by the question, "Nah, he's my homeslice," he smirked when the other three cringed at the word, "A new kid, so you won't know him."

"Yeah, got here, like, just a few weeks ago."

"In the middle of the school year? Don't you think that's really fucking shady?" Jenna butted her cigarette on the table.

"I mean," Damon looked at the spot at the table in front of him, "We don't really know why he transferred, something to do with his mom..."

"I bet she killed his dad or something."

The three other stared at Remus, unimpressed.

"What? He never wants to talk about him!" Remus tried to defend himself.

"Whatever," said Tyler and took his bag off of his chair, standing up, "I am ditching, you comin'?"

"Nah," said Damon. Jenna stood up and went along with Tyler, leaving the two behind.

Remus turned to face Damon, "And why didn't you leave me?"

Damon shrugged, "I actually think Sanders does have guts to suspend them."

Remus cooed, putting his head on the other's shoulder, "Aww, c'mon big guy, just admit that you care about me," he poked Damon's cheek. Damon huffed and rolled his eyes, but that didn't seem to throw Remus off, "C'moooon, admit it!" he said in a sing-songy tone too sweet to be coming out of his mouth.

"I absolutely do not," Damon looked at him.

Remus hugged him from the side, "I love you too, snake."

[faithful-grigori]

”#WHY ARE YOU TWO LIKE THIS, #watson thinks he’s the mom friend but he’s just as dumbass”

Watson: I’m basically Holmes’ impulse control—

Holmes: Hullo, dear Watson! Would you like to jump out this window with me?

Watson: Absolutely, old fellow!!