#water esper

[lunartea0122]

Some more Xanthos art! Love my lil water boy - I will be going out of the country for a bit, so posts will slow down, just wanted to give you guys some yummy art before I go <3

[ilikeit-art]

Esperance is a town on the south coast of Western Australia. Its beaches include calm Blue Haven, and West Beach, with its surf breaks. Nearby, Cape Le Grand National Park has beaches like Lucky Bay, plus heathlands and wildflowers. Offshore, the Recherche Archipelago islands shelter fur seals and sea lions. On Middle Island, Lake Hillier is a striking shade of pink. In town, Pink Lake is sometimes pink.

[espers-n-espurrs]

fauna likes the cheap little fountain i got her for drinking inside the dorm yippee!!

once i find a way to earn money ill get her a better one but for now this one is fine i think

i couldve just gotten her a normal bowl but a lot of pokemon prefer fountains cause its running water so its not stagnant or anything which could put a pokemon off from drinking from it

[one-winged-dreams]

The thing with Leon and Freddy IS going to be a poly ship but I don't ship THEM together.

"Adri why are you already talking ab-"

I already made an insert, next question.

[wawataka]

my mp100 oc is trans so he picked his name and his name is sui which he (i) thought was hilarious because sui means water and his power is hydrokinesis

[tropichalys]

Esper Miami (Mami the Psychic,エスパー魔美 by Fujiko F. Fujio in 1977

[melissa-titanium]

my concept for the main espers' projection forms cause i personally do not care for the idea that they all look like shige's... i think they'd vary in size, opacity, and brightness depending on the potency of their abilities & how they awakened. sho's has no notes because i dont know if im gonna keep his

shige's is completely malleable, but the brightest out of all of them. completely opaque, you'd think he's a solid object until you try to touch him. he looks a little ragged/worse for wear, with wide, perpetually petrified eyes -- my personal interpretation of what its like to have all of that power pushed down for so long... it cant stay down forever. every single 100% meltdown resulted in those frayed edges/tendrils and the odd wrinkled texture his lines have. also he's not exclusively Critterified, unlike ltierally every other esper he can actively morph into looking like a human of some sort (bipedal, longer arms, like he does in the manga) sniles

terus is kind of self explanatory. a note i didn't add -- he changes his visual texture like a chameleon, kind of blending into his surroundings. if he's hovering above water, he's goopy. if he's inside a cloud, hes poofy. if he's . idk. on a log or some shit he'll get all grainy. hes also SUPER bright but like, very obviously see-through. he only has one beady little eye because. haha. nel's teru rose tinted lenses metaphor. He Cannort see shit. his textures ALSO change based on emotions

ritsu is a small funny little thing. a lot of his design is based off of a prey animal of some kind. its meant to be a metaphor for how he percieves himself next to shige but im too tired to properly dissect it honestly. since "spoon bending" is such an important aspect of his powers and one of the biggest representations of his inferiority complex... he has a little spoon tail! i also believe the projections form themselves based off of the earliest days of awakening, and since there was that whole sequence of ritsu throwing the spoon & getting upset at ekubo and bending a shit ton of spoons. boom. shabam. spoon shit. theres more but iiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Forgot

and sho. i dont have notes for him. i honestly just thought a little flying bug would be cool because i kind of took the absolute basic aspects of how i percieve his character ("with great power comes great responsibility" "gentle" "afraid of those he loves" "ride or die kinda guy") plus his powers (invisibility, energy storage, the implementation of his wrestling skill into his attacks) and thought. bug. specifically some kind of ant because of the shot of him watching a bunch of ants scuttle around in the one flashback with his mama. the more i think about it i think some kinda beetle would be more fitting for him? but i think ant is funnier. ill def work more on it later.

[necronatural]

The Reigen Arataka Deranged NormalMan Review

Do you ever think about how Reigen has like. A really strange belief in The System and How Things Should Be. Like REALLY strange. Whatever he's got going on is so much weirder than "scammer with a heart of gold".

I think it all comes together if you read the 10th Season 3 omake like, seriously interrogate this:

This is normal, if comedically thoughtful and realistic for a shounen character. This guy talks like a mandatory reporter. What's strange is what immediately follows:

"AS A SPIRITUAL SPECIALIST" DOING A LOT OF HEAVY LIFTING HERE REIGEN

Not only did he hunt down the families of the children bullying his client (insane. where did he get that info), he also contacted the school as if he were representing his own son in order to get justice, and then hunted down a source of complaints when the school fell through.

This is like a genuinely bizarre level of commitment to the bit, and the bit is "the system works, and if it doesn't work, we will find a system that does work, and if we cannot, hell or high water it is my PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY to make the system stop slouching so it works again".

Long thread on the manga with this reading⬇️

Before I start. Reigen adopting Teru is more IC than you think but I don't think it is IC in the way people think it is. I think about this a lot and I think people who do it because they like Reigen aren't understanding how into his bit he is. Guy who talks to social services

So remember the arc that won people over to Reigen despite the fact he's an asshole who takes advantage of Mob and derides him constantly in order to keep him complacent?

He has Mob's phone on his GPS. This makes sense; he's been taking him out and about since he was 11. Very responsible!

Reigen dismisses the "Boss" mistake thinking well, it's a misunderstanding, but it got me in. Yet as soon as he heard they're committing crimes, he VISIBLY puts on his Boss Pants to chastise them. Again, normal so far. I think any scammer with a heart of gold would do this. (And foreshadowing for why he retried reprimanding the Claw Cadres a second time after getting power.)

Again. He's a scumbag. So he leaves Mob to beat their asses using his previous rhetoric. But then!

Reigen's shady morality is more like "people who can take care of things should take care of things". To him, Mob is the Authority on Espers, and can handle conflict like this. Immediately upon becoming aware he can't, Reigen thinks "oh, okay, so the only person who can take care of things is someone who can deescalate". (Pictured: Deescalation)

Okay. Besides the fact this is insufferable as a general concept - YOU just told him to handle it YOU are the source of his stress - his first step in deescalation is to force Mob to back down. Rather than asking him not to fight, he reestablishes "rules" in order to convince Mob he must back down - the same way he tried using what he said to worm his way out of dealing with this shit - and then sets himself up as the authority figure to which the others must obviously defer in matters of His Boy, like a parent accepting criticism at a PTA meeting. This isn't Reigen claiming Mob so much as "in order for them to not attack Mob, they must view me as a representative for Mob".

And like a good authority figure:

Continuing with his phrasing:

If you think about it, this is like...an objectively very strange and incredibly bold approach to this situation. They're homicidal. Reigen is a DERANGED level of Normal Man. He has this image in his head of normalcy, of the world at standard operating procedures, and reinforces it right through an entire conflict. Carceral beliefs don't even factor into this, simply expressing his principles and expecting them to fold.

And they do lol. I keep wondering how Shou must have felt listening to him talk like that

We see a little more of his good side in work; when he was getting so little work it was affecting his grocery bills, this moneygrubbing scammer still asked for like $200 to clear an entire city of hauntings. (His regular exorcisms are around $30). Fair prices are part of his principles of how the business should be. He operates basically at-cost. He mentions he wanted to come out here because he's bored. He's killing time as a career.

Aside:

Just realized he called Mob in last minute so Mob didn't know he accepted crops instead of money. Shigeo didn't like that

So consider that he never got caught here and there was a call on the news to hunt him down at the end of this bit: for the average viewer of the anime, it's just funny, but this is part of the Mogami pre-arc so we've gotten a hold of him by now; he probably holds an inherent belief that the police will intercept him and not Mob. Why wouldn't they? Why would an adult man want to dress up in a highschool girl's uniform? The System will understand.

Not relevant to my point but I like how he realizes what's wrong with Mob way before the final arc, just not why it's happening. Also he doesn't say anything.

With the way his principles are, you really get the feeling that Reigen does his best to avoid culpability specifically because if something happened that was his fault, he'd have to step up to the plate to compensate for that, which is troublesome to him who is a career time-killer. It does not occur to him that an actual bad person and scammer would not step up to the plate as a matter of course. This is his way

What I find really interesting is that this Militant Insane NormalMan does have a sense of wanting something "special", but rather than whip Mob up the way Dimple did Ritsu, he ended up projecting his own values onto Mob, as if he could recreate a special "self" within him. He's always deriding him and baiting him and lying to him in hopes of creating a superb person that a special individual like Mob finds admirable, as if Mob is the authority on his quality of character. Sad! lol

Anyway, it adds a lot more kick to this famous line. Reigen genuinely believes in Authority

Authority works!

And if Mob (the authority on espers) doesn't work, who's the person who MUST step up to the plate [common sense]? You guessed it.

There are other aspects of Reigen's character that everyone and their dog has already picked up on (his self-loathing is the entire reason the way he talked to Mob in Confession arc hit so hard), but this one's my favourite. He's insane

[sparrowmp4]

Bi Tao (sketch + story extra)

Part 2 of putting everyone in hanfus, I think Li Ling and Yun Chuan might be next I think!

Another short story, I did a bit of character study and put my own twist on it! Some quotes are directly from his esper profile thing lol.

(English isn’t my first language, sorry! I still think I ate with this one)

—————

Steam curled languidly around Bi Tao’s face, masking the sharp lines of his features. The man lounged against the slick stone edge, water lapping against his chest as faint tendrils of purple smoke mingled into the mist from the pipe that hung from his lips.

The scene replayed in his mind again and again—the way Lü Shang had stared at him, calm and unbothered, as if Bi Tao were nothing but air.

He drew a deep pull from the pipe, the bitter tang of the herbs attacking his tastebuds. Yet it couldn’t compare to the bitterness left in his heart as the words left Lü Shangs lips

“Shixiong, you must be mistaken” Lü Shang had said, with maddening politeness. No sneer, no edge of malice. Just indifference.

Bi Tao let out a low Humorless laugh, smoke spilled from his mouth and billowed around him, disturbing the lazily rising mist around him. Shixiong, he had said, as though they were equals.

Bi Tao clenched his teeth, biting down on the pipe until it creaked. He had cut the man off before he could finish, spitting venomous words about long-forgotten debts, declaring him his arch nemesis.

And what had Lü Shang done? He had only looked at him with that same maddening, infuriating calmness, as though Bi Tao were a stranger.

He doesn't even remember me.

“Shizun clearly doesn’t know what you’re talking about!” He couldn’t even remember the girl who had spoken up for her Shizun.

“Shizun.” The words tasted like bile, souring on his tongue as his lips twisted into a sneer. "You don't deserve that title. You never did."

He flicked ash from his pipe into the spring. Lü Shang. The calm, collected, beloved Lü Shang was everything Bi Tao despised. He was content to sit by a lake and fish, to guide one last disciple with sincerity, as though the past hadn't left scars. As though the efforts Bi Tao spent to ruin his imagine didn’t even leave a scratch.

Lü Shang is a calm pond, full of fish, clear and shallow. He doesn't know what it means to boil. To seethe. To claw one's way to the top.

Bi Tao remembered that day clearly. The courtyard was crowded with elders and disciples as he prepared for his speech, rehearsing every word meticulously. It was meant to be his moment.

But his cultivation faltered. He staggered, his vision blurred and his voice was trapped in his throat. The last thing he saw before collapsing was the shimmer of Lü Shang's robes—the perfect Shidi who had captured everyone's hearts.

When Bi Tao awoke in shame, no one spoke of his failure; instead, they whispered of how Lü Shang had carried him from the stage like a tragic hero.

He stole my moment

Bi Tao slammed the pipe into the water, sending ripples across the surface. He leaned forward as he watched the embers of the pipe extinguish and go under, his long hair clung to his face. He had spent years clawing his way back from that humiliation. Years of scheming, strategizing, and plotting to rise above all others.

“One day, you’ll pay twice over for the past”

But no matter how far he climbed, no matter how many enemies he crushed beneath his heel, Lü Shang always came out stronger.

But that wasn’t the worst part.

The worst part had to be the truth.

Bi Tao’s nails scraped against the stone. A fantasy twisted in his mind, he imagined looming over Lü Shangs lifeless body, imagined his polite expression faltering. Yet… Victory felt hollow in his heart. It always had- What he truly wanted, he realized, was not Lü Shang’s defeat.

It was his attention.

[espers-n-espurrs]

oh

oh no

:(

just saw someone say you dont have to water grass types

[chaos4squad]

DOAÇÃO DE CAPAS DO CHAOS!SQUAD #2

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[espers-n-espurrs]

pkmn are important because they can warm your cold and freezing hands

unless theyre like. an ice type. or some ghost types. and some steel types too.

but either way my hands are no longer cold

[smallnico]

song of rest

felt like doodling out esper's tent. trivia and guide under the cut!

the tent is a plain dark colour, very unflashy, fairly low to the ground. it provides shelter to sleep under, but doesn't close -- esper is a bit claustrophobic, especially when alone, so they don't tend to sit inside unless they're sleeping, and they prefer to sleep in the others' tents if they're allowed to.

wind chimes! their magic moves the chimes around slightly, so they like to play along to them. if it's too windy they don't set up the chimes. the magic itself isn't a particular spell (could be song of rest, but they're just tuning into the weave, really) but they usually have spell slots left at the end of the day, so they use any residual magic to vibe. more on that in 8.

a lantern that's basically an empty wine bottle that's been faerie fired. esper sets up pretty far away from the campfire -- they like the dark, but they do find comfort in the little motes of light.

the much-abused training dummy. this thing has been decapitated and run through so many times it's not funny. part of why esper sets up so far away from the center of camp is because they sometimes imitate death noises when they destroy this thing (for fun & enrichment), and they're a little too accurate for comfort.

barrel of swords. esper takes the weapons from enemies that they respect and sometimes polishes or sharpens those weapons, even if they don't use them.

just a huge pile of pillows and hide blankets and discarded armour. esper sleeps on the equivalent of a dirty laundry pile with a pillow. they will tidy up a little if they have company, but they are a slob on their own. anything that isn't a weapon or research is extremely disorganized.

pile of collected journals and notebooks. most of the books they pick up through their adventures esper will give to gale or astarion or halsin, or whoever wants them, but they keep notes that give them an eerie feeling -- notes that Might be about their mysterious past. some nights they will take out their own notebook and try to put the pieces together until their headache gets too bad and they have to stop.

esper bangin out the tunes. they're playing the spider's lyre. not any particular song, mind you, just a series of notes and a rambling improvised melody charged with magic. esper tunes into the vibrations of the surrounding area (birds, wind, rustling leaves, tremors in the ground, etc.) and harmonizes with them so they can sense if anything around the camp is weird. they're meditating and calming their own emotions when they do this, but they're also stretching out their senses for nearby threats or weird energies in camp.

this is probably tea or just hot water. it might be soup. esper will drink about anything but they rarely make it for themself -- someone wandered over there and poured a liquid in there and they've just been sipping it since. esper isn't a heavy alcohol drinker -- their tolerance is really low, and they don't like having their judgement or control compromised.

these are weapons from enemies esper Doesn't particularly respect, or just daggers that are shit and cheap and not worth using. i'll be real, this is mostly for the aesthetic, but when you have bad knives, sometimes you want to punish them by burying them in the ground and using them to hold up your tent.

[shadowonwater]

MP100 Fic Recs: Reigen Gets Possessed and has a Bad Time

A collection of fics about Reigen getting possessed and having a bad time. Most of these are about a random spirit possessing Reigen and trying to pass themselves off as him.

The fics are complete unless I mention otherwise.

Feel free to recommend more fics to add to the list!

Mother by Sunlolli

Reigen's got some mommy issues. His mom dies and starts haunting him. The espers in Reigen's life don't want to get rid of her without Reigen's permission but she's really messing him up and he just wants to get some approval from her. Story is a bit depressing but very good.

In Quicksand by SpiritusRex

Reigen gets possessed and gets sick. Unreliable narrator Reigen. Don't worry, the spirit gets caught pretty quickly, and Reigen ends up fine.

Use Your Words by CowardlyBean

Reigen gets possessed by a spirit that hates espers. He's stuck in the backseat of his body while it pilots him around, pretending to be him. It's an ass towards Serizawa and Mob. Of course the other characters figure out something is wrong.

symbiosis by ruthwrites

AU in which ???% is a separate entity from Mob and it's made of energy and jumps from esper to esper. When Mob gives Reigen his power during the 1st Claw arc, ???% goes with that energy. Problem is that it didn't go back to Mob, it got stuck in Reigen. I recommend the whole series, the series is kind of depressing though. Reigen really goes through it in this series. I don't want to give too much away but... Reigen isn't gonna come out of this very... human. Each entry in the series is completed, however I can't help but feel the series itself isn't completed, it seems to end on what would be the start of this AUs version of the Separation Arc. It's a bitter ending.

A Mirror Darkly Shattered by BinaryDreams1010

Reigen gets possessed after a failed exorcism. The spirit gives him nightmares about not being important in the lives of those that Reigen cares about in an attempt to break his spirit to make it easy to take over his body.

you are coming down with me (overwhelming identity) by destituteDenouement

It started with a morning smoke and forgetting to water his plant. It's a slowburn of a possession. The spirit really loves smoking. Falling into bad habits was what caused Reigen to be susceptible to this particular spirit. Serizawa and Mob realize something is wrong when Reigen has stayed holed up in his home for two days and won't answer any of their calls. After all his said and done Mob and Reigen talk about how neglecting yourself is a spiral and that everybody has parts of themselves they don't like.

miss me (love me) or you'll miss me (lose me) by BinaryDreams1010

A spirit that feeds on souls/misery jumps from a customer into Reigen. He decides to let Serizawa handle the spirit the next day but he finds himself unable to work up the energy to leave his apartment the next morning. The spirit keeps trying to make Reigen upset by saying stuff like "will anybody miss you when you're gone?" Serizawa visits to check up on him, right on time to save Reigen and get the spirit to let go of his soul.

did you get hurt? by afjakwrites

Reigen gets possessed and tries to call in sick to get away from the espers. Of course the espers show up at Reigen's apartment anyway. The spirit ends up knocking over Mob because it's scared of him. But Reigen's worry over Mob knocks the spirit out of his body.

Black and Red Smoke by Kirii_Kitten

Reigen catches a possession off a customer who he didn't realize was actually possessed. The spirit causes hallucinations. (Story is unfinished.)

The Possession and Bad Time are Only Sort-Of Related

There is possession, and Reigen having a bad time. They are related but the possession isn't the only problem and IS also the result of another problem.

Area Hysteria by c_c_cherry

Reigen and Dimple visit a worn down building slated for demolition to get rid of a spirit. The building collapses with them in it. Dimple is fine, Reigen isn't. Dimple posses Reigen's body to help keep him alive and hope for rescue soon. Reigen gets rescued... eventually. But this isn't the end to the problems because Reigen ends up in sort of supernaturally-induced coma that Mob has to get into his head to get him out of. Long story. Marked as unfinished but ends at a really good stopping point. (Update: It started updating again)

Temporary Accommodations by Originia

Mob's body gets his stolen and he uses his astral projection power to wing up in Reigen's body to protect Reigen because some guys who want to kill him don't realize that he's not the psychic they're after. They also were the one's to still Mob's body as bait to get Reigen.

Dead Reigen Possessing his Own Body

Wasn't sure whether or not to count this. I guess his body is getting possessed and he is having a bad time.

Haunting My Own Skin by Kirii_Kitten

Reigen dies and then posses his own corpse to pretend that everything is normal. Dimple is concerned that Reigen's spirit is going to corrupt, his fears are well-founded. Reigen gets found out of course and things go to shit, but there is a happy ending.

Present but Not Main Focus

A longer work where various things happen in it, including an instance of Reigen getting possessed and having a bad time.

In Other Words by nozokao

As a whole, this fic is focused on Reigen and Serizawa's relationship and them getting together. In Chapter 7, Reigen gets very briefly possessed by a spirit he and Serizawa were trying to exorcise. Also in chapter 3 and 4, Reigen gets cursed by a spirit that makes him cold (not exactly possession but I thought I'd mention it).

[57sfinest]

i wanted to look at the symbolism of the ocean in disco elysium because it features so prominently in the setting. insulinde being an isola comprised of islands, martinaise as a port town financially anchored by its ocean trade. the divisions brought by water that we see in the geography: how the canal separates the working district of martinaise from the even poorer, commerce-less village-- how the river esperance separates the worst ghettos of revachol and jamrock from the more rebuilt and financially stable districts-- how, for example, lilienne looks across the bay of revachol to the wealthy district of la delta, a poignant moment of separation between someone desperately poor and the towers of wealth built out of the ruins of revachol. we see water, and often the sea specifically, acting as a divider in various contexts.��

the ocean of time and distance that separates dora and harry, that separates klaasje from oranje:

then, further into the idea of the ocean as representative of time: in various contexts i see the ocean as representing the past. memory residing under the waves, and each of us living above water-- in the present-- but often still helpless to the tides when we’re not careful. to me this is cemented by the implication that the pale is commonly theorized as an *outer ocean* (juxtaposed with harry’s introspective skill, inland empire!!): the pale is the past, and if the pale is seen as an outer ocean, then right there is a tangible connection between the two. memory and the past as an ocean, dangerous if you don’t respect its power, but ultimately navigable. there is frequent reference made to the fact that the bombed ruins of martinaise are sinking or lost into the ocean, lost to the past, now only memory. 

and harry, who is living in the past and being consumed by nostalgia like a rot, drives his car into the ocean. harry’s badge, which is conflated with his identity in the aftermath of his amnesia, was underwater before he pulled it from the car: until he got it, his entire identity was lost with his memory in the past. klaasje’s documents, too, presumed lost to the ocean, a loss of who she was or claimed to be (until you meet the phasmid). lilienne’s husband was lost to the waves, and in the same lines she’ll dismiss your concerns-- he’s in the past now, she’s really not too upset. the cleaning lady, abandoned by the world, who has only her own memories for company in her sea-beaten room. in the context of ruby’s near-suicide in the shack, how inland specifies how the “waves had calmed” as she put the gun away: ruby distancing herself from the past that she thinks is chasing her to form a better plan. the working-class husband, who, had his corpse fallen through the boardwalk into the ocean, would have been lost to the past, living only in the memory of billie and their daughters.

for me, the final dream had some of the heaviest but most subtle inclusions of the ocean symbolism. it’s brought on by looking into the ocean around the seafort and takes place under the ocean somewhere. even before the dream, dora is alluded to in the context of the sea. she moved across the ocean and now, to him, she’s lost under it. she’s trapped in his memory.

where we see things half-submerged or partially oceanic, we see a bridge between the past and the present being represented. something partially lost to the past but still with a foot in the here and now. harry’s half-sunken car, in part a representation of his career: part of his past, yes, but still very much in his present. one of the primary spiritual practices we hear of is the volta do mar: originally a palefarer’s practice to keep them grounded in an onslaught by the past, and its meaning is *return from the sea*. when harry tries to turn back time, he wants to go back to a time when the sun had not yet sunk into the sea-- when the light in his life didn’t reside solely in the past.

also in this context, something that really struck me was how harry will sometimes think of himself in the context of the sea. first is the sea monster thought, brought about by the broken plaza: him as a creature submerged in the past, terrorizing the present. and seafaring brought up to represent a kind of compromise between living in the present and acknowledging the draw of nostalgia. even joyce in her limited knowledge of harry compares him to a “half-submerged ruin”. and when harry is prompted into introspection by the dros predicament, inland empire becomes the *inland sea*.

and i really want to make a final, individual point of this. the whirling-in-rags music is sea power’s song “fire escape in the sea”. there is an explicit reference made to the song by shivers as well, and i think the choice of this song is very intentional. the whirling-in-rags is where harry forgot his whole life, the whole world, and it’s where he wakes up and begins to piece it all back together. the whirling-in-rags is harry’s fire escape in the sea. his bridge between his past and his present, his last-ditch attempt at escape from the tortures of his subconscious. 

(this is by no means exhaustive, there are a lot of other moments where the sea comes in, but i included the moments that spoke to me most. you’re welcome to add your own!)

[cositapreciosa]

Fantasmas

Alejandro Gillick x gn!reader, (the usual for the movies, nothing too graffic) 1974 words

a/n : dusting this one off the shelf in my writer's block era, but alejandro is always there to make it seem like it's not so bad

Tagging the besties-that-might-like-this as usual @narcolini @drabbles-mc @anunhealthydoseofangst @hausofmamadas

It has already been a year. A year since the coyotes shot Alejandro, tearing him from your fingers tightly wrapped around his vest. Your throat hurt for days afterward, from all the screaming, begging, crying until the American soldiers finally pulled you away from his lifeless body. Esta muerte, they would repeat, with rounded r’s and without empathy, déjalo.

But you couldn’t, how could you? Not when his blood was burning your fingers, not when you swore you could still feel him breathe. Está vivo, me entiendes? Por favor! Shock, they would later tell you, and it made sense. How you couldn’t make your lungs expand even though you tried so hard, the cold seeping in your bones, how dry and acidic your mouth felt. His chest moving beneath your fingers.

Life is mundane, having breakfast, tending to the yard, grocery shopping and making dinner for you and the two guards who watch over the house they have secured you and Isabella in. Life is mundane, and tonight is no different, except that you know the date, even though you can tell they try not to talk about it. A full year since all the blood and the sand, since you’ve been thrown into witness protection. Poor thing, they must say to themselves, alone and sad. They must think that it would break you if they mentioned it as if thinking about it too much would make you spiral all over again. So they don’t, and here you are, making dinner as usual, washing the dishes, warming up water for tea so you can finally sit in your bed and read before Isabella returns from soccer practice.

Va a terminar tarde esta noche, no me esperes ! The social worker had told you time and time again that it wouldn’t be as easy as Isabella, adjusting to the program, this country, your new life. It’s easier for kids, they absorb everything. Isabella speaks English, she meant, and you didn’t. Still, you try to push through, you make her lunch for school and try to make friends with the other parents at her soccer practice. They are all so sweet, and they talk with you when you manage to pull a sentence together, but you can still see the pity in their eyes. Poor thing, they must tell themselves, alone and working so hard.

Loneliness is something you can bear, you don’t mind it, you get to enjoy the peace, food in the pantry, the safety of your new backyard. A small parcel of land, barely what you had in Mexico, but you enjoy it still. You keep the flowers bright and the bird feeder full, make sure to put away Isabella’s favourite football before it rains so the colour doesn’t wash away with time. Tonight is no different, but you know, you can smell the blood and the gunpowder, feel the void his loss leaves in your chest more than usual.

Dusk is almost over, the last rays of the sun shining over the hills, and as you walk into the darkness of your bedroom you almost miss it, the figure next to the dresser, tall and wide. You freeze in the middle of the doorway, you can hear your blood in your ears, one step and you could-

‘’ Don’t scream. We wouldn’t want to get them involved. ‘’

You can see the reflection of metal at his waistband, feel the tension that spreads in your shoulders as fear pumps in your blood.

‘’ Isabella is not here, ‘’ You whisper, ‘’ You wont find her, you- ‘’

‘’ I’m here for you, cariño. ‘’

It clicks into place, in pieces, one by one, the pet name completing the puzzle in your mind. Alejandro.

Your mouth falls open, your body recoils as memories flood back to you. This is impossible. You saw his body, saw the blood pooling in his hair as you tried to peel the tape out of his face. You were at his funeral, barely one, barely holding it together. Spreading his ashes in the water with Isabella- anything to bring you closure and stop the two of you from crying yourselves to sleep every night.

‘’ I have your urn on the fireplace, you- you- ‘’

He shushes you softly as if this outburst isn’t warranted, as if you should have seen this moment coming, him. Alejandro steps toward you and you finally see him, his face out of the shadow and into what is left of the sun. The scar on his cheek is healed, but red, and taut, a reminder of what happened, what prevailed.

Alejandro’s right arm stretches behind your back, pulling the door closed, hiding you from the rest of the world. You feel his warmth, the heat that his body emits doesn’t lie, it is really him, alive. You don’t dare move, you let him stand still in front of you and listen through the door, making sure no one downstairs has noticed the noise. His eyes fall back on you.

‘’ You were dead, ‘’ you say.

There is no other way to start this conversation, no other way to ignore how close his face is to yours, to ignore the scar on his skin.

‘’ I never was. ‘’

Panic fills your chest. He is here. He is here. He-

‘’ We spread your ashes, they showed me the autopsy report. ‘’

‘’ Wouldn’t be the first time they lied to us, hmm? ‘’

The sob that leaves your chest is ugly and heavy as tears finally spill down your face. Alejandro shushes you again, his warm palms covering your cheeks, wiping away the salt that burns your skin. His eyes meet yours, brows frowning, wrinkles creasing in the middle. Concerned, sorry perhaps. Your lip trembles, your throat tightens as you try and find air to breathe.

‘’ As soon as I was able to cross the border I tried to find you, it wasn’t easy. ‘’

Of course not, moving every few weeks at first, finally settling down here for a few months now. It makes your heart skip a beat thinking about him searching around, connecting the dots and crossing states, just to find you. His fingers push some hair behind your ear; they feel rough and dry, but the touch is so gentle it doesn’t matter.

‘’ How is Isabella? ‘’

You wipe your chin with the back of your sleeve, trying to hide the tremble in your hand.

‘’ She’s good, she has soccer practice tonight. ‘’

This makes him scoff, a small smile pulling at his lips, as if the idea of her, feisty and untamed, following rules was the funniest thing he had heard in a while. His thumb caresses your cheek.

‘’ What about you? ‘’

You can still taste the sand in your mouth, hear Isabella’s scream as they pull her to the car, still see as if you were there the young boy shoot at Alejandro. Your therapy sessions don’t work as fast as you wish, and most nights you wake up screaming or in tears, the others you can’t seem to find sleep at all. Just as you open your mouth to answer him, the main door opens downstairs, the sound of spikes amplified by the hardwood floors.

The heat of his hand leaves your face and goes down to his gun. Isabella, you mouth at him, and he nods. Alejandro must know she is not alone, clearly followed by an agent. Your hand meets his at his waist.

‘’ She’ll come up if I don’t go down. ‘’

You feel the gun’s cold metal against your fingertips, hidden behind his hand. Your heart leaps in your throat as you remember moments when his touch had always been warm, gentle, eager, but now, there’s nothing affectionate about his stance. Guarded, soldier-like, waiting to pounce, as if the brief illusion of intimacy has been shattered. The heat of his palm is sharp, unsettling like a fire waiting to burn.

‘’ Will you be there when I come up? ‘’ You ask.

You hope your voice sounds neutral, like a question you would casually ask a friend, but you know that deep down it isn’t. The desperate tone in it, the shakiness of your breath, the weight that seems to push back on your chest.

‘’ I won’t. ‘’ He says, simple as that, and he is like a ghost again.

His eyes are stuck on you and you feel as if there is a question behind them, something he doesn’t know how to ask, if he should.

‘’ Will you be back? ‘’

His eyebrows scrunch in the middle again, but he is not angry, unsure perhaps, confused by your question.

‘’ Do you want me to? ‘’

Do you, really? Of course you do, you want to say. For him to take the both of you away from this place, from this government and those agents you never asked to be followed by. For security reasons that at this point feels more about keeping what you know safe and tucked away from prying ears. Leaving with Alejandro looks like the choice you should make, but reality quickly comes crashing down. Where would you even go? How would you even keep Isabella safe?

‘’ I- ‘’

She calls your name down the stairs, something about leftovers and mud on her shirt. Panic squeezes your chest and you press Alejandro away from the door. The heat you feel under your hands makes your whole body shake from the memory of the last time you held him. He is so real, so alive, bloodless.

‘’ Alejandro, she can’t see you. Please. ‘’

Go. You don’t want to say it, you can’t, not when he is once more in your arms and breathing, when you have been dreaming of touching him for months. You know what will happen if she sees him, and you don't think she'll survive this shock again. Alejandro grabs your hand and moves it to his chest as he holds his ground against you, daring you to shove him further away. You feel his heart beating under your palm, hear the blood rushing in your ears.

‘’ I’ll be back for you. ‘’ He whispers.

You have to believe him. You want to. But why would he, you try to reason, why should he add two more dead weights to his escape? Alejandro does not pull away like you expected, to turn around and let the shadows swallow him.

‘’ Please… ‘’ You beg again, voice breaking, fragile. You know you will break if he stays any longer, letting you think and cry. It will break you.

His palm moves up to press against your cheek, wiping away the tears that stain it.

‘’ You have to trust me, ” he murmurs, his words breaking the silence. “ I’ll come back. ‘’

The pieces all seem to fit now—the truth, the reality of it, the inevitable. He will leave, and you’ll have to stay. Again. You know you are right, and it is what must be done. With a final press of his lips against your forehead, he pulls away, sealing his promise, burning it into your skin.

The coldness that fills you as Alejandro steps back is quick, sharp, like a stabbing pain through your chest, a reminder of what is yet to come. Tears fall from your eyes as you turn away, your hand slipping from his as you reach for the doorknob. Your clothes feel too tight, the hallway too narrow as you step into it.

The door closes with a click—deafening in the silence of the house. Your ears are ringing, but you follow Isabella’s voice to the staircase.

He’ll come back. He promised.

You trust him, and tonight is no different.